#how about self tenderness and protection and care and trying to learn to be emotionally vulnerable because both of you deserve that honesty

[orchidbreezefc]

Chapters: 1/1 Fandom: WOE.BEGONE (Podcast) Rating: General Audiences Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: Mike Walters/Michael Walters Characters: Mike Walters, Michael Walters Additional Tags: Sorry tag wranglers!, Fluff and Angst, Getting Together Summary:

All things considered, Michael kissing Mike is a pretty terrible idea. It's a good thing bad ideas are the Mike Walters specialty.

--

i haven’t been posting my recent fics to here but ohhhh my god the woe.begone brain worms you guys. fuck.

[useless-donut]

just thinking about astarion is SUCH a sweet partner? like this man was barely an adult elf when he was turned, and spent the next 200 years being abused by cazador, but like

- as the durge character, he'll be accepting and talk about your mental health and reassure you

- he'll insist on staying with your half illithid character, saying you shouldnt make his choices for him if you try to leave to protect him

- also just the dichotomy of him being explicitly vain and also explicitly not shallow is very sweet

- in that one lathanders light scene, he'll tell you he appreciates you trying to fix your mistake after you caused him IMMENSE pain

- he'll empathize with and support you if you swear your body to haarlep, noting how he's been through similar and is sorry you're going through it

- hes not jealous, his issues with sharing seem to largely come from if he thinks the other party would be okay with it (like he thinks lae'zel would spear him lol), and when someone like halsin comes along he'll happily consent

- on that note, he grows enough to be comfortable asking for support and reassurance instead of possessiveness/jealousy (not that these are the only options for that scenario, but astarions seen a lot of possessiveness in his life and its wonderful how much he avoids replicating it)

- he will always attack cazador in the final confrontation if cazador starts verbally abusing you instead of him

- he puts in the work to set boundaries that allow him to engage in an intimate (emotionally, physically, but not sexually) romantic relationship with tav and apologizes for "using" him before, when his behavior was SO understandable. and also he manipulated tav by having... consensual enjoyable sex lol. he might have ulterior motives but he never actually tries to use his sexual relationship with tav to manipulate him into doing anything

- you learn how astarion felt for Sebastian and how tender he was

- you learn about the first boy astarion couldnt bear to bring to cazador, the one he called soft and sweet (or something like that) and then was punished horribly for a straight year for it

- even when you turn to a half illithid, his main concern is you losing your agency

- if you are a full illithid, at the end of the game, some people complain about him not being ride or die, but i think he shows REMARKABLE willingness and support. what he cares about most is that you are still you, and how is he supposed to know for sure? i think asking him to stay with a type of being known for manipulation and mind control after everything he went through with cazador IS A HUGE FUCKING ASK. and he doesnt even write you off immediately? thats a lot of love right there

- if you arent illithid, he will double-check you want to plan a future with him still, and only once you affirm this will he express how badly he wants it. he's actively avoiding trying to manipulate you even

and probably more stuff im just not thinking of off the top of my head. obviously this is about the spawn route vs. ascended, but im just constantly amazed that despite EVERYTHING astarion has gone through, probably centuries without a healthy, loving relationship or even examples of that nearby, he still defaults to being kind, empathetic, and caring as soon as he gets the chance

like sure, he might be minorly evil and self-serving but personally i think thats the least he deserves

more importantly, the boys from astarions past give us a rare window into what he was like before turning into a vampire—he was gentle, empathetic lover. he was kind, he was protective. and as soon as he has the space to start looking for himself again, he goes RIGHT back to that behavior. he even self-checks for his "manipulation" and tries to correct for it

it just shatters my heart and then puts it back together hes such a wonderfully written character. astarion is allowed to be lovely AND furious and vengeful and maybe its just my raised-catholic ass, but its SO cathartic to see that a forgiveness arc is never pushed for his abuser

[sniickerdoodles]

OC Smash or Pass: Iraeiara

Tagged by: @nyx-knox & @amoremagnificentbastard , thank you both!

Rules: Pretty self explanatory. Include physical descriptions or pics, and propaganda. The 'Other'-label can be used for ‘sexuality misalignment' (ie: OC is femme and you’re gay, vice versa, or you aren’t into smashing but a specific thing you wanna do with them, perhaps hug or study them under a microscope idc.)

Quick Facts:

Race: Seldarine Drow

Class: Wild Magic Sorcerer / Battle Master Fighter

Height: 5’0”

Age: 31

Gender/ Pronouns: Female, She/Her

Sexuality: TBD....? I'm not entirely sure what she is. Both of her relationships so far have been with men, but it's hard to say for certain lol she's not really the type to "date around" if that makes sense

Oh hoho to try and do this challenge for my emotionally tangled up lil ball of drow. Let's try this... Pros:

Loves to love – Irae is very attentive and dedicates herself to learning and memorizing every detail about her loved ones. She will learn details such as your favorite foods, colors, activities and even the smallest of quirks, and takes great care in mentally updating this list anytime she notices a shift in your preferences. Aside from favorites, she also takes note of any preferences in love language, striving to show affection in the ways which resonate most with those she wishes to love, whether it be through words of affirmation, acts of service, gifts, quality time, or physical touch. She tries to always be aware of how her loved ones like to be comforted and will go out of her way to provide that comfort to you when needed.

Adores giving physical affection – Irae herself loves to express her own love through actions like soft caresses, gentle touches, and warm embraces. She is tender, and loves kissing those close to her either on the forehead or cheek (lips, if you're... extra close of course 👀). She tries to give those around her a steady sense of security and affection, and devotes herself to making her loved ones relax and feel cared for in her presence.

Protective & Loyal – Her loyalty to you will be unwavering once you become part of her 'inner circle'. Irae takes her role as a protector seriously and tries to always look out for the well-being of her friends and family. She will go to great lengths to protect those she loves, and her close ones can always rely on her to be there for them, no matter the situation.

Empathetic and Understanding – Irae always tries to be a comforting presence to those around her, doing her best to lend a sympathetic ear or understand and share the feelings of those she care for. She is reflective, and often contemplates the actions and motivations of her treasured ones, seeking to understand them on a deeper level.

Genuinely sincere – Despite her skills in charm and manipulation Irae never uses these abilities on her loved ones. Instead, she values honesty and openness in her close relationships and is willing to lay down these emotional weapons of hers and bare her soul to those she trusts, showing off her true self to the best of her ability. It is easy for her loved ones to distinguish between the moments when she is playing a role and when she is being her true self which makes building true and meaningful connections easier. There will be no doubt in your mind that what she feels for you is anything but completely and wholly sincere.

Her eyes. Gods, those eyes – No gaze will leave you feeling quite as exposed as Irae's – and yet, despite this – it's a comforting kind of exposure. Instead of being met with judgement, you will only be met with curiosity. She will see you for all that you are without an ounce of punishment, and she will understand you in your entirety, sometimes without you having to say a single word. Your soul will be safe in her tender hands and piercing gaze.

Cons:

Emotionally unavailable / one-sided – Irae is a natural giver, always ready to provide support and affection. With that said, she struggles with being vulnerable enough to let others give to her in return. This might create an emotional wall or a sense of inequality in her close relationships, as she also finds it hard to accept help or comfort from others. You will have to navigate this and teach her that it is okay to be vulnerable.

Non-discriminatory giver of affection – Irae loves to show affection, regardless of whether the recipient is a friend or a lover. This trait of hers is not ideal if you tend to be the jealous type, as her affections are not reserved solely for her romantic partner 👀

Charming and flirtations manipulator – While Irae avoids using her emotional manipulation tactics on those she values, she is well aware of her charm and beauty and has no qualms about using these traits to manipulate strangers. She will flirt to obtain information or favors, and even though the flirting means nothing to her, it is a behavior which again... can be troubling if you happen to have a bit of a jealous streak lol

Lack of self-identity – At the same time as Irae shows great confidence in her skills and abilities, she struggles with having very little sense of who she is as a person. Even something as simple as defining her hobbies prove extremely challenging, and describing herself and understanding what it is others see in her feels nigh impossible. This insecurity sometimes leads to an overprotectiveness of the little self-image she has, which might lead her to lash out if she feels misjudged. She will need significant support from you as she discovers her true self, and will often fall back on unhealthy and learned behaviors during this journey.

Toxic complaisance – In love, Irae can struggle to assert her thoughts and opinions, which stem from her uncertain sense of self and severe abandonment issues. She may choose to stay quiet during disagreements to 'keep the peace' and avoid further conflict, and thus unintentionally engaging in manipulative behavior. This can lead to bigger issues down the line, as unresolved disagreements are left to fester between the two of you.

Anxious at core – Despite often appearing as someone who is assertive, self-assured, and resistant to stress, Irae is deeply anxious at her core. She can be very self-conscious, and is also success-driven, perfectionistic, and eager to improve, traits which can overwhelm her in times of high stress. Her difficulty in opening up serve to further complicate matters, as these issues of hers sometimes create an unintentional disconnect between her and those who wants to care about her, including you. It may be hard to understand what goes on in that head of hers, and this may lead to reactions which can come off as unexpected.

Emotional withdrawal – When extremely distressed, Irae shuts down completely, and may even run away from the source of her upset. It can take her hours or even days to calm down. And in a fit of vindictiveness, she may chose to hide from the person who upset her, preventing them from apologizing and prolonging the conflict until she is ready to address it. This behavior also stems from her abandonment issues, as she feels like she is preventing what she believes is an inevitable end of your relationship by simply prolonging the much needed discussion. This is of course not a healthy way to cope, and she will need you to be patient as she works on finding healthier ways to calm down after a nasty argument.

Tagging (no pressure and sorry for any repeats!): 🏷️ @locallegume @pinkberrytea @shinyredgloss (Ash! :D) @bardic-inspo and anyone else who sees this and feels like participating, tag me if you do! I'd love to see <3

Lastly, I do not blame anyone for picking 'pass', Irae is a mess 💀 but I love her to death

[pallastrology]

jupiter vs. saturn: cancer

jupiter

they are more intuitive. jupiter is very comfortable in cancer, and this allows for their softer, intuitive side to flourish. jupiter is generally more of an intellectual planet, but in cancer they are more receptive to the natural forces around them. they have an almost motherly aura, and when it comes to caring for others, the native seems to know exactly how to help. they can blend the practical with their kind nature, which makes for a comforting and nourishing interaction for both giver and recipient.

they are more emotionally open. the native being more receptive brings about a disarming honesty, both to themselves and their loved ones, about their emotional state. they are unashamedly true to how they feel, and listen to their intuition. this is actually quite inspiring to witness, because as the great fiona apple said, 'when you know yourself, you know life'. they are able to reflect, and apply their self-knowledge to how they want to progress through life.

they are more hot-headed. the other side to jupiter in cancer's selfless warmheartedness is that they are more open to anger too. they can be prone to emotional outbursts, especially when stressed out or when not upholding their own boundaries. they feel intensely, and so anger is a very physical experience for the native, with them sometimes feeling out of control of themselves. grounding back into their bodies and learning to ride the waves of emotion can be helpful here.

saturn

they are more defensive. saturn in jupiter also feels their emotions intensely, but they tend to struggle with a real fear of being vulnerable. they hide their emotions away, distract themselves from them, and uphold overly strict boundaries to protect themselves from the pain of being hurt or mistreated. while keeping others away helps prevent certain types of pain, it only guarantees others, and the deep loneliness that saturn often feels will only be healed with genuine connections.

they are more self-sacrificing. when they do let people in, jupiter in saturn is a kind and caring placement. they can actually be too kind; although they are naturally self-protective, by the time they let someone in they've opened themselves up fully, which can sometimes put them at risk of being used by others. this just perpetuates the cycle of shutting people out to prevent being hurt, becoming so lonely they try letting someone in, getting hurt, rinse and repeat. it takes time for the native to break this cycle, and for them to build a healthier one in its place.

they are more devoted. that being said, when they find their people, there are few placements that devote themselves the way saturn in cancer does. family can mean a lot of things, but to the natives family are their people to protect and provide for, to treat with the tender loving care they crave for themselves, and to feel safe with. saturn in cancer's love is true, selfless and warm. to be loved by these natives is a rare and wonderful thing.

both

they both crave safety and security. the crab glyph of cancer clues us in to this; cancer, in all its placements, is aligned towards finding and maintaining safety, comfort and security. they crave the feeling of being embraced in the safety of the womb, and they go through life trying to replicate this feeling. they can display incredible strength when they are within reach of it, and are extremely protective of the things and people that make them feel safe and cared for.

they are both introverted. although jupiter is generally seen as a social and larger-than-life planet, in careful cancer it starts to become more introspective and is somewhat quieter, being brought closer to saturn. neither of them really at home around other people, they keep their circles small and protect their peace. they will go to great lengths for their loved ones, and don't dislike people, but they are happiest alone or with a select few people.

they are both deeply caring. there is nothing like a cancer's love and care, and jupiter and saturn both display a particular flavour of it. they perhaps aren't as emotionally intimate as a cancer moon or rising, but they have this kind, wise way with words and emotional intelligence. they love unconditionally, they want to inspire and help their loved ones to grow, almost like the kindest and best teachers do.

they both have strong memories. cancer is a sign that never forgets and for whom forgiveness can be a difficult topic. jupiter and saturn are no exception to this, though jupiter is more likely to attempt to forgive while bottling up their feelings, and saturn tends to close themselves off after being hurt. healthy boundaries come a little more naturally to jupiter and saturn, but they still have to consciously practice them.

[demonslayedher]

Things that went through my head in this episode:

--My cheeks hurt from giggling. Given how much I love these boys now, I cannot help but laugh at the dynamics of their raw character traits playing off of each other.

--But, on my first watch, I was like, "wow, the tone of this show sure has changed a lot... hmm."

--So compare to the raw struggle between Inosuke and Zenitsu in the previous episode, here we get Tanjiro as hot in the fight as Inosuke is, and this shows off Inosuke's unique abilities and strengths better than the Beast Breath display we got a couple episodes ago. The martial artist in me cheers with this fight, especially that redirect Tanjiro does against one of Inosuke's punches.

--Nowdays, I laugh at Inosuke breaking the fight just to show off how bendy he is. It is so stupid, though, that on my first watch I wasn't amused. Although I believe now that Inosuke is the secret sauce to KnY's sweeping success, at the time, I was not prepared for that level of shallowness and stupidity. Later in the episode when he declares how he only joy in life is comparing his strength to others, I was outright disappointed in how simplistic of a character was going to derail what felt like a good story going on. But!!

--Therein lies the joy in following Inosuke's character, isn't it? He gradually learns to find more joy in life, to be open and curious, and later, to be vulnerable. In that way, his arc is even a little like Kanao's, in which, by being more emotionally vulnerable and exploring more of what he might care about, he grows deeper and deeper as a character. He discovers himself, and we get the joy of discovering that with him.

--This of course makes him excessively self-reflective Zenitsu's opposite, and it means Tanjiro takes to Inosuke in an opposite way, too--even in the midst of a fight, Tanjiro yells at him to stop pushing himself while he's in pain, to consider his own future. Tanjiro has to be the voice of fear which Inosuke doesn't have. Likewise, that voice of self-preservation and self-care comes out in Tanjiro being so tender and delicate towards this stupid boar--telling him to rest and let him eat his fill, and feeling sad for him not to have grown up with any social connections.

--And anyway, Zenitsu twice hides behind Teruko to protect him. Any sister of Shoichi must be strong. --These children are so done. --But not too done for Teruko to find Tanjiro's forehead amazing and what to touch it (an anime addition).

--Let the record stand, there were at least eight dead people. Kyogai has been trying really hard to eat, ok, Muzan????

--Let the record stand, within hours of this iconic trio being arranged, Tanjiro has knocked the lights out of both Inosuke and Zenitsu to get them to behave.

--I love these boys together so much now, they really are so funny, and the comedic timing kills me. It's just one thing after another now that they have peace and quiet and calm--they have just up and forgotten the fight they were embroiled in (and on first watch, I could not believe Inosuke just forgot about the demon in the box), but now they're yelling at each other in the forest, Tanjiro's yelling at Zenitsu and Inosuke for their rudeness around their hostess, they're just hanging out and eating together and Inosuke tries to provoke Tanjiro and gets frustrated when it backfires, Inosuke throwing the pillow in Zenitsu's face--this was the perfect time to introduce the scene changes with the drums and silly faces. Also, I didn't see any of these moments coming on a first watch, they are so chaotic and unpredictable with each other.

--On this note, please appreciate what I had for lunch today:

--To add more to the silliness of this episode, that silly BGM is a violin cover of "The Song of Kamado Tanjiro." Amazing.

--I also find it silly how they stick out like sore thumbs in this Wisteria mansion. It is, indeed, a mansion--you can tell not only the number of rooms and their generous sizes, but by the size of the pond in the garden, and the manicuring of the trees. There's lovely artwork hanging in the alcove, that's a very nice spread of tempura. Hisa-san should be the posterchild (poster-obaasan?) for Japanese omotenashi ("hospitality," but Japan really wants you know the word omotenashi to differentiate their style of service, like anticipating the needs of your guests before they have to be bothered to ask). You're doing your whole country a great service, Hisa-san.

--And freaking out Zenitsu in the process, clearly he has never had the luxury of being a guest in such a fine establishment, though I'll bet he probably got some of his debt trying to treat his ex-girlfriends to fancy restaurants (and, according to the first fanbook, one of the girls he dated was a maiko, so she'd know plenty about proper hospitality, and another was the daughter of a tea house, so she'd have known too. Doesn't mean they were fine young ladies for how they used him, though). Tanjiro, even if he hasn't stayed in a place this fancy, probably doesn't have trouble adjusting because he understands the heart behind the manners, and Inosuke... well. He's a fish out of water, a boar out of the forest, but I love how this doesn't make him uncomfortable in the slightest.

--My favorite part of this episode, a part which lives in my mind rent free and plays itself like a song stuck in my head, is the part where they are lying perfectly still in bed and Zenitsu tells Inosuke to apologize and Inosuke refuses.

--Just... after all that, AFTER ALL THAT, they have this perfectly still, perfectly timed exchange. What a good choice on the part of Ufotable, taking was what a shouting match panel in the manga and putting it into this form instead.

--And then we got Zenitsu's first glimpse of his future bride, and the moment is ruined by Zenitsu having A Moment(TM), and I, on my first watch, was putting him back on my "nope, annoying" list with Inosuke. They are... both a bit much. However, my observation on this rewatch now, being the sort of fan I am, is that having them do anything less at any of these moments just wouldn't be in-character for them.

[lunarisdog]

Micah has been trying to hold their tears as they show their shaky hand to Warlock , their lips wobbling at the sight of a deep cut between their index and thumb fingers . They were training with their knives until they made a mistake and hurt themself . It's embarrassing how Micah wouldn't easily cry at their worst injuries or during their most frightening situations , yet it's the simple moments like this that can quickly drive them to crying nevertheless . Micah glances away , their head low in shame . " I'm - I'm sorry , Warlock . . . " they whimper , trembling terribly , trying to cover their face with a spare arm when the hot tears fall over at their feeble apology .

Within this moment , Warlock briefly finds himself in Micah , and it frightens him to remember how his own cries of agony would always be disregarded , making his youth self more deeply lost in the darkness . It did not matter how he was hurt — he never matters at all to the world and the people in it . Micah , though , they are always more than worthy , and he aches thinking back to the fact that they didn't have anyone either when they were so much younger . Sickness builds from the imagination of how Micah could've sounded like when they were a child . . . He would've bandage them and tell them constantly that it's okay , it's not their fault . . . Warlock realizes he can still do these now — maybe there is a good reason why he is still alive after all , even after everything . . . he can still care for people like Micah . Even if it is only them to protect against the Universe , then Warlock can try to live . At least for Micah before he can learn how to do exist better for himself as well . . .

Warlock gently pulls Micah's arm away from their face , using his thumb to wipe the running tears away . " You're okay , Micah , " he tries to comfort , his voice rarely soft , tenderness bleeds through and it is raw genuine . While he takes Micah to the bathroom and clean their cut , heaviness forms in him over time , caught with a realization of how much he despises seeing them in tears . It did surprise Warlock to see it was a mild inconvenience that put Micah in this state when he had seen them experience some terrible scenarios and they would push the severity off . Perhaps , Micah would expect the worsts and be emotionally prepared ahead of time , as for smaller moments like these , they would be caught off guard . A feeling of want to cradle them hits Warlock and he grimaces , unsure if he can ever be able to do it without falling apart . For now , he washes the blood off of Micah's hand and cleans the cut . Once finished , Warlock remembers their medical bag .

Retrieving it from the side , Warlock takes a star pattern bandaid , and gently applies it against the cleaned cut . He then awkwardly stands back while Micah examines the bandaid . By the lack of reaction from them , Warlock wonders if he is already doing something wrong and tries to say something — " You're okay , Micah , I promise , " Warlock assures them again , lightly holding onto their hand . His Awareness starts to flicker and without thinking , he places a tender kiss against the bandaid , doing so before Micah would be able to ask him for one on their cut . Warlock hears a gasp from them and his cheeks heat up , catching what he just did . He doesn't let go of Micah's hand , however . Instead , when he leans away , he takes their other hand and holds them altogether . " Do you feel better now ? " Warlock asks , attempting to analyze Micah without making eye contact with them . " How about you take a break and I get you ice cream , okay ? You trained well . "

He embraces them then , adding more softly , " I'm so proud of you . "

[sapphire-weapon]

Okay, different person latching onto what you said about Leons self worth. I can't stop thinking about how his physical appearance is the ONLY thing that many seemingly latch onto and it actually makes his confidence worse. Given his social isolation (to some extent, we know this has to happen because of the nature of his work and especially how his trauma will impact his personality and social stamina), he actually feels incapable of building deep, meaningful relationships. Whether that be platonic or romantic. That's why as he gets older, his hair gets longer, he stops shaving as much, he loses muscle mass (DI being the exception). Because at the end of the day, appearances are shallow and meaningless long term. When he does occasionally try to use the advantage and flirt, it often fails horrendously because he's out of touch, when it DOES work, he's lucky if he gets a one night stand maximum. Can't stop thinking about that he feels he HAS to be pretty 100% of the time, as well as constantly available to protect others. If he breaks down, has needs, wants to lay off the grooming... he's worthless. He means nothing. There'd be no point in living.

I will simply not be happy until I see Leon Kennedy in a stained shirt, barely awake, eating shit and COMFORTABLE THAT WAY WITH COMPANY. Let him feel like a gross, weird little human again. Because that's what he is. He's a human. Flawed and imperfect and normal. But he's living as nothing but a PR stunt and weaponry for the white house, while simultaneously fulfilling Attractive Man Fantasy for everyone else and it sucks. He deserves better than that.

Yeah, all of this goes back to the concept that Leon objectifies himself. He looks at himself as a weapon to be used and a dick to be ridden, and there's nothing else about him that's worth half a goddamn. Ada sees him as both, even. He's a 2-for-1 deal for her -- and the more he leans on her emotionally, the more he's going to buy into the idea that that's all he's good for.

And, you know. I get it. Everything in Leon's adult life has been decided for him. He doesn't make his own choices, because he doesn't trust himself to make his own choices, because the last time he did that, it ended up with him being kidnapped by the CIA. So, why bother allowing himself to have agency? Why bother developing an identity beyond what he's going to be used for? What's the point, when he ruins everything he ever sets out to do on his own?

Nevermind the fact that he's only ever been set up to fail and that forgetting that he was ever a human being with wants and needs and hobbies and interests was crafted by design by the CIA.

But that's why his relationship with Chris is so important. Slowly but surely, bit by bit, Chris has been chipping away at that false image that Leon has of himself -- because Chris genuinely and legitimately cares about and sees value in him as a person.

And that's also why I think that Leon's character arc will culminate in Chris finally breaking through to him all the way, and Leon finally learning to stand up for himself for once -- learning that he is worth more, that he does deserve better.

But, on the more headcanon-y side of things, I can't help but wonder if those girls that he actually manages to get into bed ever get a glimpse of something deeper -- something tender and precious that's been broken a long time ago -- something that he can't bear to acknowledge ever existed or to face ever again, and that's why he doesn't call them back.

Because to acknowledge that there's something about him that's been lost implies that he, at one point, had something of value to begin with.

And that's just too much to bear.

[fallenstar193]

**Name**: Caleb Harrington

**Age**: 22

**Occupation**: Part-time auto shop worker

**Personality**: Caleb Harrington is a force to be reckoned with, known for his fearless attitude that often borders on audacity. He thrives on challenges, never hesitating to tackle even the most daunting obstacles head-on. Caleb's bluntness is a defining trait; he doesn't sugarcoat the truth and always tells it like it is, which can sometimes ruffle feathers but is ultimately appreciated for its authenticity.

Beneath his tough exterior, Caleb possesses a caring side that he reserves for those closest to him. He fiercely protects and supports his loved ones, going to great lengths to ensure their well-being. When it comes to family and friends, Caleb's fearless nature transforms into unwavering loyalty and a willingness to do whatever it takes to keep them safe and happy.

**Relation to the Flores**: Caleb doesn't know the Flores. However he would soon learn about them from his friend Julie. How they met you ask? Both went to the same gym, with some conversations and jokes. Caleb and Julie became workout buddies, and that's where he learns about the others.

**Anything else you want others to know**: Caleb Harrington lived in the gritty streets of New York City. Born into a broken home in one of the city's toughest neighborhoods, Caleb's childhood was marked by adversity from the very start. His parents, struggling with addiction and financial hardship, were unable to provide him with the stability and care he needed.

Caleb's earliest memories are of witnessing domestic disputes and enduring long nights filled with the sounds of arguing and sirens. He learned to be self-reliant at a young age, often fending for himself as he navigated the unforgiving city streets. The absence of a nurturing environment made him tough and fearless out of necessity, as he had to protect himself both physically and emotionally.

Despite the hardships, Caleb developed a deep sense of empathy for others who were also struggling. He would often share his meager meals with homeless individuals he encountered and try to offer words of encouragement to those who needed it. This caring side of him emerged as a stark contrast to the harsh environment in which he grew up.

One fateful night, tragedy struck when Caleb's parents' addiction led to a devastating accident, leaving him orphaned at a tender age. This loss fueled his determination to rise above his circumstances and find a way out of the cycle of poverty and despair that had ensnared his family.

Through sheer grit and determination, Caleb managed to complete his education, earning a scholarship that allowed him to escape the city and pursue a better life. His past, filled with pain and hardship, serves as a constant reminder of the importance of integrity and compassion, shaping him into the fearless, blunt, yet caring individual he has become.

“Caring doesn’t make you weak; it makes you human.”

“I’m not arguing; I’m just explaining why I’m right.”

“Do you have a map? I just got lost in your eyes.”

**Appearance**

[hangerine]

i'm not one to write posts about dramas i watch, but episode 5 of Takara-kun to Amagi-kun pulled at my heartstrings so intensely. we see a deeper glimpse into Amagi's childhood in this episode. these memories arose for him due to deep rooted insecurity brought on by an emotionally unstable and neglectful childhood. there's so much conveyed in the short time of 20 minutes each episode. i relate so heavily to Amagi. the guilt he feels about people being kind to him. my god, the guilt. the alienation he feels existing with people. the pain he endures while trying his hardest to hold onto the love he so badly craves. the desperate want to be confident. the ache his inner child feels. the grief he holds knowing that if he grew up safely things would be so much different. i just!!!! *screaming. crying. throwing up.* while his feelings for Takara grow more intense, his lack of security within maintaining his ability to mask his insecure persona does too. since he was a little kid, he's always felt rejected, wrong, and hard to love. he can't believe that he's likable. in fact, it's foreign to him, because he was used to being left alone by family and rejected/harmed by kids at school. now, he overcompensates by trying his best to make everyone around him comfortable with a big smile and shrugging off any insecurity that comes to the surface. he's so used to making himself small emotionally by using his big and bright personality to mask all his ache. Takara doesn't express much verbally, but with his actions and the words he does express, it's obvious that he's very aware of Amagi and wants to protect him. Takara senses the hurt Amagi is feeling. he wants to be a safe place for him, because he knows how worthy Amagi is of being cherished. at the end of the episode, Takara says, "because my ultimate condition to achieve happiness is you being happy" in response to Amagi's question on if offering people tenderness is just self-fulfilling. Takara's response to Amagi infers that offering tenderness can be self-fulfilling, just in a pure way that stems from caring about someone unconditionally. Takara lets Amagi be the kid he never got to be without judgement, but with tenderness out of genuine love. the scene at the end of ep 5 where they're holding hands as adults ends with the appearance of Amagi as his child self holding hands with adult Takara. instead of the quiet and sad child he's used to, he's happy and skipping. they're on a sunlit path moving forward, together. this showing that his inner child is healing, because he finally feels noticed and safe. my gosh, the way i bawled my heart out at this scene. it's healing for him to be a kid around Takara, because he never quite learned how to be. to find people your inner child can feel safe with is so important, especially those you come to love. as someone with bpd, gaining feelings and deep love for anyone makes it so much harder to ignore insecurity, such as Amagi's gradual increase in feelings for Takara leading to being unable to mask his inner ache more and more. to care for people, whether platonic or romantic, places a harsh mirror in front of us that forces us to see the things in ourselves that we have not yet healed from. it brings about the desperate desire to hold onto those we love by overcompensating and hiding pieces of ourselves we deem undesireable, because we can't stomach rejection or abandonment from those we love most. simultaneously, it brings about the unyielding panic to leave people and isolate, because we struggle an agonizing fate of no self-worth and emotional impermanence. this episode and drama in general hit so close to home for me. i want to reach inside my screen and hug Amagi. i want to tell him that he's enough just how he is. i want to tell him that none of the rejection, neglect, or hurt he went through is a reflection of his worth. i want to protect him. it may not be this deep, but the beauty in media is being able to interpret it many ways while relating and finding comfort. watching this and seeing myself in Amagi has helped me look at myself with tenderness, because the little me inside needs it too. we all do, so i hope any of you hurting through something right now can try your best to be soft towards yourselves. you are so worthy of love and care. thank you to anyone who takes time to read this. <3

[yrbutchgf]

hey, i'm feeling a bit insecure in my identity rn and i was wondering if you have any... tips, or anything like that. i'm a lesbian who feels more comfortable in a masc role, and i think i would identify as butch... but i feel like i'm too emotional. i cry SO often. my mental health has been less than stellar for the last 10 years or so lol, so that plays a part, but i'm also just a crier. things that make me cry: criticism, heated discussions, presentations, movie/game/book endings, all music with violins, some music without violins, christmas commercials, those miniature food clay charms... literally everything. and it's always in public too, which is embarrassing enough as it is. and i know that doesn't have to mean anything for my gender identity, but the whole "boys/men don't cry" thing kind of did a number on me lol. i always feel like a little girl when others watch me cry, even though i want to be the protector. sorry for rambling, but i feel like you always have good takes on butchness and stuff like that, so i was wondering if you have any tips on feeling more secure in my butch/masc side :)

ok before i say anything else, thank you, i’m honestly really flattered you think that highly of my takes lol <3 i do try my best, i’m glad i’m able to help people to whatever extent i do with my posts. also, bit of a length warning -- i always set out with the intention of writing succinct responses to asks, but it always gets away from me, and this time "getting away from me" meant "turning into a manifesto." well, oops. c'est la butch/femme.

now to start this answer off: i definitely relate. i’m also pretty emotional. when i get stressed i get really shaky, especially in my hands, and then after that my body turns on the waterworks. i also have a fairly exuberant personality in general, and i'm very expressive with my hands & body language. the only times i’ve ever really fit the stoic archetype have been on accident, usually when i’ve felt uncomfortable in a social situation and it’s come off as strong silence. at the same time, i also don’t like when people see me cry or be emotional in general, especially in public. it makes me feel vulnerable in a way that i don’t like to give most people, and the fact that i can’t fully control when or if i do is uncomfortable. and i think disliking that feeling is totally normal, or at the very least it’s a common boundary to have. regardless of sexuality, gender, or presentation, there’s a social urge to cover up when we’re feeling our feelings, but even beyond that there is, i think, a reflexive, self-preservation level urge to cover up what can be easily damaged. so to an extent, i think it’s natural to shy away from vulnerability.

at the same time, the urge to push down one’s tears is not necessarily a HEALTHY urge, only a COMMON one, because you’re right: emotionality has no bearing on your gender or what roles you can take up. some of my best butch and masc friends are also extremely emotional people, and they’re very open about it, and in a lot of ways that openness almost feels to me more masculine or more butch, because they’re embracing their feelings, and that’s obviously a really hard thing to learn to do, so it’s powerful, admirable, and also to be honest, it’s attractive! the ability of someone to be brave enough to be vulnerable can in many situations make the people around them feel more at ease, and i think it can become a very steady, very stabilizing sort of masculinity. in other words, someone who is very comfortable in their tears is also very good and healing to be around. so i think in a lot of ways, when you learn to own your emotions rather than push them away, that can very easily augment your butchness rather than take away from it.

now obviously everyone views butch/femme differently, whether as genders/sexuality labels/dynamics/what have you, but for me no matter what at the center of these terms there is always this nexus, this core focus, of care. in the dynamic, butch/femme is about butches & femmes caring for one another in complementary ways both in- and out-side of romantic relationships. so when we talk about butchness standalone, you and many other people reach for words like “protector,” and i don’t think there’s anything necessarily wrong with that, i think protection can and often is a key role, but my point here is, where is that urge to protect coming from? it’s from love, from caring about the people you love. and i think it’s important to remember that and to frame it that way, because when you do, it becomes pretty simple: your emotionalism is more than anything a sign of that urge to care/protect/provide in you, or a driving force to those urges, however you want to frame it. far from taking away from your butchness, your emotions are at the very foundation of what it can be. i talked about this in the butch/femme server a bit, and thren @lesbiandaemon said it perfectly:

i genuinely think i (and many others!) would feel so much safety and security being w someone who allows themself to be vulnerable and earnest abt their emotions and it definitely augments butchness, from my perspective as a femme. i envy and care deeply for the butch whose emotions and vulnerability are on display, there's a strength in that imo, even if you've been made to feel self conscious and dysphoric and "less than" bc of that. i think of phrases like "the strength to remain tender", "the violence it took to be this gentle" in the lens of trauma but if that applies and you're ok w it, i think it could also apply here too [...]

whether ppl know it or not, sometimes the way one carries themselves can be projected onto others; there's already an example in how anon mentions the "big boys/men don't cry" thing, vulnerability being shut out and dismissed/disparaged isn't going to make anyone more eager/open abt their emotions. and like, going back to the butch/femme dynamic, it does feel so much more stable and steady if someone has the courage to acknowledge and let themselves feel their emotions, it's very welcoming and validating, knowing that someone can have a strong image and show their tenderness, knowing that you're safe and free from mockery/scorn to do the same when someone protective of you knows how it feels and will care for you because they feel touched to their core and have let you know in more than one way.

and i want to add an important caveat here: obviously not everyone who cares very deeply is going to be outwardly emotional or show it in the same ways. that’s true for all kinds of reasons. i think a lot of the stoicism we see in traditional depictions of butches can come from how people relate emotions to masculinity (that is to say, how people view masculinity as inherently based around a distance from one’s “softer” side), but also, honestly, i think this may also have roots in the historical coping mechanisms that a lot of butches took on in the face of a world that was unkind to them.

in stone butch blues, for example, there’s a lot of talk about this idea of “hard” versus “soft,” or “going stone,” especially when jess is first getting into the bar scene and she’s still fresh-faced to violence. and going stone in this context isn’t just about sexuality, it's also about how so many butches learned to stop letting people in even at a basic emotional level. for them, hardening up was an inevitability of circumstance, not an inherent facet of their personality or a building block of butch identity. i’m sure plenty of old-school butches would be glad to know it’s no longer inevitable or necessary for a butch to close themselves off completely in order to survive.

of course there are also plenty of butches who are just naturally reserved with their emotions, and that’s also fine -- that doesn’t mean they don’t feel things, or that they don’t care. they care -- all of us do! some of us showing it more or less than others doesn’t reflect badly on any of us, whether we’re of a more stoic or a more open variety. but some of us really can’t help showing it, and that’s okay. that’s just how the love spills out. the right person won’t see that as weakness or a crack in the fine china of your masculinity or whatever, they’ll see it as a lovely and endearing part of your whole and warming butchness. so embrace your emotions. do your best to honor the role they play in butch/femmeness. try to love your emotions, or at the very least not to be afraid of them. and remember: you are strong. your tenderness will not destroy you. in fact, it’s what built you to begin with.

[k-rising]

Joy's natal chart analysis

DISCLAIMER: This is just a part of the analysis of the idol's natal chart, which wants to show a deeper perspective on the idols life. This analysis is carried out thanks to the data that appears in the birth chart. These are my interpretations of the signs and how they work based on my experiences with them. Everyone has different opinions and all interpretation and experiences within is valid. The point of this post is to entertain. [This idol hasn't confirmed her birth time, so I used the standard 12pm time to calculate her natal chart].

𝐕𝐢𝐫𝐠𝐨 𝐒𝐮𝐧

a perfectionist

workaholic

can be very hard on herself

intelligent

curious

in love with routines

Sun trine Jupiter

joy was born to shine

popular !!

well-liked by others

lucky af

has big aspirations and goals

charismatic

super jovial

likes having fun

extremely kind

likes helping and inspiring others

very sincere and honest

SELF-CONFIDENT

𝐓𝐚𝐮𝐫𝐮𝐬 𝐌𝐨𝐨𝐧

calm

warm

loyal

sentimental

it takes a lot to get to know her on a deeper level

tends to hold back and wait before expressing herself

she doesn't like doing things she does not want to do

tends to avoid messy or unpredictable situations/crises

focusses on creating a reliable and secure life

tends to protect herself and her own interests

VERY ROMANTIC

LOVES LUXURY !!!

often looking for admiration

can be quite dependent on others for positive feedback

Moon sextile Venus

funny af

optimistic

always spreading positive energy

impulsive

trusting

carefree

generous

it can be hard for her to say "no"

it's easy for joy to make friends

again, p o p u l a r

Moon sextile Mars

EXTREMELY SOCIABLE

likes working in groups

protects her loved ones fiercely

Moon trine Uranus

a humanitarian

expresses her ideas freely

likes hanging out with intriguing people

Moon trine Neptune

an artist

creative af

has a natural affinity to music

very sensitive and imaginative

deeply compassionate

she may find it easy to relate to others feelings

emotionally tender

doesn't like being in a bad atmosphere

will sacrifice as much as she can to make her loved ones happy and in peace

wants to make things as perfect as possible

can be prone to emotional disillusionment with this aspect

perceived as glamorous or mysterious by others

joy may have psychic abilities :0

can become extremely devoted to her lover

she needs to watch out of not putting her partner in a pedestal

Moon opposite Pluto

her feelings are like a rollercoaster

joy can have the tendency of not revealing too much information about herself at first

may have the desire to control what others know about her

very skilled at figuring out other people's struggles, but not figuring out her own struggles

it can be hard for her to truly change

a women or a lover may take care of her at some point of her life OR she can fear about it and will try to control them instead

𝐋𝐢𝐛𝐫𝐚 𝐌𝐞𝐫𝐜𝐮𝐫𝐲

joy is a fair person

again, she doesn't like confrontations, but if she thinks something isn't fair, she will speak her mind

likes listening to others opinions before making a final decision

Mercury square Jupiter

can have extreme point of views

EXTREMELY exaggerated

joy may jump to conclusions very easily

bragging can also be a thing here

Mercury opposite Saturn

joy can be so hard on herself when she communicates

can be very judgmental

strongly opinionated

defensive

can accomplish any goal she sets for herself

becoming skilled and competent in her job will give her the security she needs

joy needs to stop looking for recognition from others and concentrate on proving herself her own worth

Mercury trine Uranus

joy is a rebel

she thinks outside of the box

open minded

accepts others ideas

she doesn't care about what others think of her own thoughts and beliefs

has little patient

gets bored easily

she's ALWAYS searching new ways of doing things

joy can also have sudden genius ideas

prefers learning new things by herself 

Mercury trine Neptune

HAS SUCH AN AMAZING PLEASING VOICE

again, she's an artist

a dreamer

may live inside her fantasy world a lot

she can also be an amazing songwriter

can have such vivid dreams

joy may also be intuitive and having a very accurate intution!

can be perceived by others as very naive or childlike

expresses her ideas and thoughts in an appealing way

Mercury sextile Pluto

again, intuitive and psychic

joy is a very good story teller

trustworthy

she can be interested in psychology and the occult 👀

joy can also talk about controversial things nobody wants to bring up lmao

Mercury conjunct North Node

joy will overcome her challenges with self-expression and communication

she needs to open her mind to new ideas and ways of thinking

I also think that her mission in this life is to become a singer with this aspect

𝐂𝐚𝐧𝐜𝐞𝐫 𝐕𝐞𝐧𝐮𝐬

so sentimental

compassionate

LOVES helping others

very protective over her loved ones

she seeks for a loyal, responsable, stable and caring partner

in her relationships, she wants to feel secure

Venus conjunct Mars

MAGNETIC

s3xually attractive

honestly? joy is everyone's crush despite of their gender or sexuality

argumentative af

loves creating drama just to keep things exciting

in love with love

Venus opposite Uranus

joy may fear commitment OR fears being alone

honesty is VERY important to her

needs space in a relationship

can get into/like the idea of being in a long distance relationship

attracted to unusual partners

she may hold unconventional views on relationships

Venus opposite Neptune

a hopeless romantic

again, joy tends to idealize her partners so much that she can have a hard time facing the reality of the relationship

she can fall for the wrong people

she can give too much of herself to others

can get easily used :(

Venus trine Pluto

joy can be drawn to intense relationships

doesn't like superficiality

she can seek for a long-term relationship

𝐂𝐚𝐧𝐜𝐞𝐫 𝐌𝐚𝐫𝐬

joy gets angry when people hurt her loves ones

she doesn't like insensitive people either 

Mars trine Saturn

disciplined

hard worker

she's always looking for a goal to chase after

it can be hard for joy to find some time for herself, cause she's constantly busy

Mars opposite Uranus

has an unpredictable temper

gets rebellious when people limits her actions

Mars opposite Neptune

again, it can be hard for her to see clearly in relationships

there can be some contradiction between her ideals and dreams and her needs for achievement

she's very imaginative, yet either her or another person is restricting her of not showing that side of her sm i see you

Mars trine Pluto

again, very successful

she has a fiery drive towards the things she wants to achieve

joy watches, wait and then she attacks

she may want a partner who can match her success/power/confidence

joy radiates confidence and, again, s3x appeal

she transforms through her motivation and passion

managing her fiery side can be an internal struggle for her

𝐂𝐚𝐩𝐫𝐢𝐜𝐨𝐫𝐧 𝐉𝐮𝐩𝐢𝐭𝐞𝐫

VERY devoted in her work

reflexive

responsible

wants to act in big scale

Jupiter square Saturn

joy may compare herself a lot :(

she can be very compulsive when it comes to her work in some way

she wants to focus on achieving her goals, but it seems to be something that always pulls her back again, sm i see you

Jupiter square North Node

she indeed wants to grow and learn her life lessons, but she tends to fall to superiority behavior a lot

she can also think she's ready or more wise than she really is

𝐀𝐫𝐢𝐞𝐬 𝐒𝐚𝐭𝐮𝐫𝐧

afraid of rejection and failure :(

she may also have assumed a great responsibility from a very young age

this aspect can cause a delayed development of her ambitions

but this position creates a sense of responsibility for herself

she's a very capable leader!

Saturn sextile Uranus

joy wants to have mental stimulation in her career

she likes working on a changeable environment that offers a lot to develop

again, joy likes working in groups

she wants to leave a good impression of not only her own group but also of the company

Saturn trine Pluto

power comes naturally to her but she may not know how to focus her energy

Saturn opposite North Node

in this lifetime, joy needs to overcome her fears of failure and learning to let go of past mistakes

this aspect will make her more mature

she will indeed do it but much later in life, tho

𝐀𝐪𝐮𝐚𝐫𝐢𝐮𝐬 𝐔𝐫𝐚𝐧𝐮𝐬

changes expand her way of seeing things

Uranus conjunct Neptune

intuition and intellect brings a powerful connection here

Uranus sextile Pluto

tends to enter people’s lives unexpectedly

brings transformation and change into people’s lives

𝐂𝐚𝐩𝐫𝐢𝐜𝐨𝐫𝐧 𝐍𝐞𝐩𝐭𝐮𝐧𝐞

business and success are idealized

Neptune sextile Pluto

joy has a natural ability to transform

has a strong desire to realize her dreams

might be fascinated by secrets and mysteries

𝐒𝐚𝐠𝐢𝐭𝐭𝐚𝐫𝐢𝐮𝐬 𝐏𝐥𝐮𝐭𝐨

she may like experimenting and exploring herself

playful

can be very spiritual

𝐋𝐢𝐛𝐫𝐚 𝐍𝐨𝐫𝐭𝐡 𝐍𝐨𝐝𝐞

in this lifetime, joy needs to allow herself to put other people needs first

she needs to learn to be patient

needs to love others and take care of them

she needs to learn equality and be fairly

cooperation and diplomacy can help her in this life

[beneathstarryskies]

Could I request a fluff alphabet for young and older Johnny Lawrence?

Thank you so much for the request! I’m sorry it took me so damn long! ❤️

Answers for older/current Johnny are in italics!

A = Affection (How affectionate are they? How do they show affection?)

    Johnny is pretty affectionate, but there are two sides to him. On one hand, he tends to seem more possessive in public. Always has an arm around your shoulders or waist, and makes it a point to kiss you in front of people so they know who you belong to. It takes him some time to show you the more tender side of himself, and it is truly reserved just for you. He likes to pepper soft kisses on your face, and whispers about how beautiful he thinks you are. He tends to shy away a bit from receiving the same amount of affection though, thinking it makes him look weak.

    Having faced a great deal of rejection and heartache, he is really slow with showing affection. It takes him a while to even admit he has feelings for you, and then from there even longer for him to act on it. However, the possessive nature of his youth has faded into a need to just be loved. He’s more open now to letting himself just sink into your touch. He loves it when you play with his hair and kiss his nose. In return he’ll shower you with compliments, and kisses you every chance he gets. He proudly holds your hand everywhere you go.

B = Best friend (What would they be like as a best friend? How would the friendship start?)

Most of Johnny’s friends at this point are connected to Cobra Kai, so chances are if you weren’t in Cobra Kai there probably isn’t much of a friendship. However, he might just “accidentally” become best friends with you after being forced to work on an assignment together. He’d expect you to do all the work, but after realizing you won’t stand for that he begrudgingly works with you on it. An unexpected friendship blossoms.

    At this point his friends are his family. So he is fiercely protective and loyal. However, he’s not much for emotional support because he just doesn’t know how. He’s been taught to more or less repress it, so that tends to be his offered solution. His attitude can sometimes be a bit flippant.

    Probably met at the bar, maybe you were a bartender or something. Most likely he’d deny you were his best friend because of the whole “I don’t need anyone” attitude. However, if you needed him he’d drop everything to be there and he knows you’d do the same for him. He’s still not great at emotional support, but he does try at least. Or rather he tries to keep you distracted from whatever emotional thing is bothering you, because that’s truly the only way he knows how to deal with emotions.

C = Cuddles (Do they like to cuddle? How would they cuddle?)

He loves to cuddle, but good luck getting him to admit it. You usually have to initiate it, but you will have to deal with him pretending he’s only doing it to make you happy. His favorite thing is when you fall asleep with your head on his chest, and he can just play with your hair while listening to your steady breathing. It’s in these moments that he truly experiences peace. That is until you wake up and he has to pretend he didn’t like it.

He loves to cuddle, and he’s really not afraid to admit it anymore. He just wants to hold you and be held by you. Closeness is what he’s been craving his whole life, and he’s just really tired of pretending it’s not. He’s tried getting through life on his own, and he hated it. He just wants to come home and curl up with you after a long day. He wants to snuggle against you while you twirl his locks between your fingers.

D = Domestic (Do they want to settle down? How are they at cooking and cleaning?)

It’s definitely in the cards to settle down one day, but he’s not particularly in a hurry about it. He’d assumed he would end up settling down with Ali, but since that didn’t go the way he planned he’s a bit unsure of where he’ll end up. There’s a whole big world out there, and he thinks it’s his for the taking, so why worry? He’s a bit useless when it comes to cooking and cleaning. Honestly, he doesn’t even try. Pretty much a typical teenager in that regard.

He’d be open to settling down, although more it feels out of reach to him at this point. It’s certainly something he is a bit afraid of, having already failed at the task. Johnny would have to feel completely secure and confident in a relationship before he’d consider marriage. He’s still somewhat useless at cooking and cleaning, but he is willing to give it more of an honest effort.

E = Ending (If they had to break up with their partner, how would they do it?)

He might be a little bit cold about it, since at this point he’s fully immersed in the “no mercy” teachings of Kreese. Once he’s decided it’s over, he just tells you as such. He doesn’t really provide any explanations, and if he cares at all he doesn’t show it.

    He’s terrible at break ups. Especially since for him to be in a relationship at all takes a bit of time, and he’s found it’s not easy for him to just carelessly break hearts anymore. That being said, he will be an accidental asshole in the process. It’d take a lot of effort for him to build up the confidence, and then he just goes for it like ripping off a bandaid.

F = Fiance(e) (How do they feel about commitment? How quick would they want to get married?)

    After Ali, he becomes pretty commitment phobic. He tries to form meaningful relationships, but always pushes people away when they get too close. He’s just not sure if he can ever open himself up again.  If he wants to get married at all, it would take a long time. Most likely, he has no real interest in it.

Pretty much the same, although as he’s gotten older he’s opened up more to the idea of getting married. He likes the idea of having a partner to get through this life with. Someone to always have his back, and for him to support as well. While he doesn’t feel marriage is necessarily a required commitment, he’d be more open to it if you wanted to get married.

G = Gentle (How gentle are they, both physically and emotionally?)

Gentle is not a word you could use to describe Johnny Lawrence at any age. Emotionally he is about as gentle as a hammer to the head. He just doesn’t understand at all. Occasionally he may muster up some gentleness, but it’s very rare since he associates it with weakness. 

Physically, he’s generally not gentle. He likes to pick you up and spin you around. Sometimes even enjoying to play fight a bit. However, sometimes he can surprise you with little spells of gentleness. Especially if something has happened to make him worry about losing you.

The above is the answer for Johnny of all ages, except he no longer thinks of having gentle emotions as as weakness. 

H = Hugs (Do they like hugs? How often do they do it? What are their hugs like?)

Johnny loves hugs and will hug you all the time if he can. He’s very handsy with it, often cupping your butt while he hugs you-if you’re okay with that kind of thing of course- and will often sneak a kiss on your cheek.

He still loves hugging and he still tends to get a bit cheeky with it. One difference is that he takes more time to savor the moment; feeling your heartbeat and really breathing you in. Usually he holds you for as long as you’ll let him, insisting on a kiss before he’ll release you.

I = I love you (How fast do they say the L-word?)

He doesn’t. It’s not something he’s super comfortable with, but he will express it in other ways. Usually by reminding you to be safe when you leave him and wanting you to call him when you get home so he knows you made it safely. He’ll also do little thoughtful things like bring you coffee or remind you to eat if he thinks you’re not taking care of yourself. There’s a nurturing side to Johnny he often hides, but he’ll open up a bit to show you how much he cares.

Like his younger self Johnny tends to take to being somewhat nurturing in order to express his feelings for you. Once he gets a cell phone, he even takes to texting you throughout the day to tell you he’s thinking about you. He tries to make sure you know he loves you and you’re on his mind. He will eventually say the words. It just takes him a very long time to come around to it.

J = Jealousy (How jealous do they get? What do they do when they’re jealous?)

Oh boy, is he ever jealous. Seeing someone else flirt with you drives him crazy, and he has gotten into many fights over it. He’ll jump right in between you, ready to fight before you’ve even had a chance to handle the situation yourself. If you express disliking this behavior, he will attempt to hold back. It’s still written all over his face, and sometimes it can lead him to making accusations.

There’s still some jealousy, but he’s less likely to jump in unless someone is being particularly pushy after you’ve expressed disinterest. One thing he no longer does is accuse you of flirting/cheating. He wouldn’t be with you if he didn’t trust you, and he wants you to know that.

K = Kisses (What are their kisses like? Where do they like to kiss you? Where do they like to be kissed?)

He’s surprisingly tender with his kisses. Early on in your relationship, it’s the one tell of how insecure he feels deep down. Often times not deepening the kiss until you’ve given some indication you want him to. He likes giving kisses on your cheeks and neck. He really likes when you kiss his forehead, although he’s a little sheepish with admitting this. He also likes it when you kiss his neck and shoulders.

He’s tender and takes his time teasing out reactions from you. Overall he’s more confident in his abilities, which just came naturally with age and experience. He still is prone to giving cheek and neck kisses, and really enjoys that. However, he’s also learned that he likes the way you react when he kisses you behind the ear. His own favorite places to get kissed haven’t changed.

L = Little ones (How are they around children?)

Terrible, and no interest in getting better.

Slightly better and more willing to learn. He’s still pretty useless with any kid under the age of about 10. And really the only way he knows to relate is through karate.

M = Morning (How are mornings spent with them?)

He’s usually up somewhat early to go train or work out. So if you don’t want to do those things, he’s usually not around much in the mornings. However, he will come in all sweaty and give you a kiss before raising his arm up with a smirk and teasing you about smelling how sweaty he is. Usually resulting in you rolling your eyes and saying, “I smelled you as soon as you walked in the room.”

Mornings now are more laid back. Usually there’s about an hour of cuddling and complaining about having to get up before you finally drag him out of bed. Then one of you cooks breakfast while the other makes coffee and pours cups for you both. You eat breakfast together and talk about what you’re each planning for the day before getting started. Johnny is always running a bit behind schedule. It never stops him from kissing you a dozen times before leaving the apartment.

N = Night (How are nights spent with them?)

The average night contains lots of making out, brief intermission of a random activity, then probably more making out. Occasionally you guys go out to parties with friends. Johnny likes spending quality time with you. So more often than not you end up doing something just the two of you. He likes to take you out riding, usually ending up at the beach.

At least once a week you guys go out to have drinks, but usually he prefers low-key nights in. There’s still usually lots of making out and cuddling, but usually it’s on the couch while a movie plays in the background. You might have a drink to unwind, and talk a bit about your days.

O = Open (When would they start revealing things about themselves? Do they say everything all at once or wait a while to reveal things slowly?)

The thing about Johnny at both ages though is that he actually wears his heart on his sleeve way more than he realizes. If you asked him he’d probably say he’s the strong silent type. He takes a long time to purposely reveal his feelings. However, considering how much his feelings show through his actions and demeanor, you’re definitely already aware of his insecurity. You just pretend you haven’t already caught on, because you don’t want him to retreat again. Him actually opening up is much better than having to infer it, and he’ll begin to work through why he feels the way he does deep down.

The answer is the same for adult Johnny.

P = Patience (How easily angered are they?)

There is no patience in Johnny at all. He is very hotheaded and quick to anger. It’s probably the biggest issue in your relationship. Truthfully it’s his biggest issue in general.

He is still pretty quick to anger but much better at controlling it-especially with you. He gets hotheaded and acts stupid, but it takes a bit longer for him to get to that point. It is still a big problem he’s having to work on. Johnny is slowly starting to realize he can’t punch or kick his way through every problem.

Q = Quizzes (How much would they remember about you? Do they remember every little detail you mention in passing, or do they kind of forget everything?)

Johnny remembers the really important stuff, but doesn’t remember the little details at all. If it doesn’t involve partying, fooling around, or karate he kind of tends to ignore it.

He has definitely done a lot of growing in this area. Johnny still remembers the really important stuff, and has gotten better at holding onto the little details. He won’t remember everything you ever talk about, but he doesn’t file it away just because it doesn’t involve his main interests anymore.

R = Remember (What is their favorite moment in your relationship?)

Probably the first moment he saw you, and realized he wanted to win you over. He just loves remembering the way the electricity between the two of you was so strong.

The moment he realized he was in love with you and it didn’t scare him. He felt so open and safe in your relationship. It was the first time in ages he didn’t feel the need to keep his walls up high. It might be the warmest feeling he’s ever had.

S = Security (How protective are they? How would they protect you? How would they like to be protected?)

He is super protective. He will fight anyone who messes with you, and will always put himself between you and potential physical danger. Other types of potential protection (like emotionally) he’s not great at. He doesn’t particularly feel like you need to protect him. Once you try to jump in and defend him when Sid is bullying him, which of course results in further chastising from Sid. Johnny gets kind of upset with you over it.

Johnny still has no problem jumping in to protect you physically. Except he has gotten a bit better at the emotional side of it. He is protective of you when it comes to people who may hurt you emotionally. If he gets a bad vibe from someone he will usually try to persuade you to steer clear of them, but this can be a bit misconstrued as jealousy or him trying to be controlling. He also now feels warm and fuzzy inside when you take up for him instead of getting mad. He now understands it’s a sign of your love for him and not an attempt to emasculate him.

T = Try (How much effort would they put into dates, anniversaries, gifts, everyday tasks?)

Sometimes he gets so distracted by karate and stuff that he can be sort of a bad boyfriend. So he puts the most effort in dates and gifts to make amends for not always being the best at remembering things like anniversaries.

Johnny puts a lot more effort into being around for the everyday tasks. He can’t afford to take you on many dates, so when he can take you out he puts a lot of effort into it. Same with gifts. Usually he saves up for a long time to buy you something really nice for anniversaries/birthdays/holidays because he just refuses to buy you something he thinks is crappy. Also, he struggles with the fact that you’d love anything he gives you because it’s from him. He still thinks he’s gotta give everything he’s got just to get some sort of love and acceptance in return.

U = Ugly (What would be some bad habits of theirs?)

Let’s see fighting, partying and generally just being extremely arrogant. Taking too much care of his car and his looks, but not much else. In most ways he’s just a normal teenager in this respect.

Still fighting, but now he just generally drinks too much without the partying-which in a way is worse. He doesn’t always take care of himself. He puts blame on himself over everything that goes wrong.

A/N: I think I went a little too deep for this one?

V = Vanity (How concerned are they with their looks?)

He is secretly very concerned despite his overly confident demeanor. He puts a lot of effort into seeming effortless. For him it is maddeningly effortless, so really he puts in too much effort.

He doesn’t really care at all anymore. Occasionally he gives himself a once over in the mirror. He’s more comfortable with himself overall, and realizes he’s a pretty handsome guy without having to try so hard.

W = Whole (Would they feel incomplete without you?)

Absolutely, but it’s not always a good thing. In general, He can tend to lean a little too hard on his significant other. It was a bit of an issue with Ali as well. It’s not something he does on purpose, and if you mentioned it to him he’d be embarrassed. He just doesn’t feel as comfortable with that many other people. Even with his pals, he’s still putting on a bit of an act. With you he’s totally comfortable, and it makes him a bit too dependent on you.

To an extent, but he handles it better overall. He doesn’t want to be too overbearing, so he will give you a bit more space than when he was younger. Not to mention he’s not completely dependent on you for comfort. He’s gotten to a point where his attitude is more, “This is who I am. Take it or leave it.” And you’ve proven more times than he can count that you won’t leave (just maybe give him a metaphorical kick in the ass when he needs it).

X = Xtra (A random headcanon for them.)

 He was still a virgin when he graduated high school, and he lied about it to keep up his cool appearance. The truth is, Ali didn’t want to have sex when they were together, and he wasn’t going to pressure her.

Johnny absolutely tears up a bit at heart tugging films in general. However, he avoids watching anything dealing with father and son relationships. It’s a reminder of not only what he missed out on, but what he was unable to give Robby.

Y = Yuck (What are some things they wouldn’t like, either in general or in a partner?)

In general he doesn’t like things he considers nerdy or uncool. That’s about as far as it goes. He’s not super deep about things he doesn’t like. You’re either cool or you’re not. He doesn’t like it when his partner is too picky or finicky. 


This is the same for both eras.

Z = Zzz (What is a sleep habits of theirs?)

He generally just tends to sleep on his stomach without a shirt. He’s warm natured so he pretty much always ends up kicking the blankets off.

There’s no real habit to be had. He just kind of falls into bed, and whatever happens then just happens.

[my-bated-breath]

Rage, Compassion, and the Bridge in Between

An essay on Katara’s emotions

On the spectrum of human emotion, rage and compassion exist on opposite ends. After all, rage is harsh and violent while compassion is soothing and nurturing; rage is unforgiving while compassion is all-forgiving. As such, they run a parallel course to each other, one canceling out the other whenever they do meet.

At least, that’s what we expect. We expect anger and kindness to be separate entities, and our media reflects this - a character is either severe or gentle, and in the rare case that they’re both, the contrast between their ability to hurt and their ability to heal is treated as a dichotomy. Except the human condition is not that simple, and sometimes, there is a not-so-simple story that remembers that.

In Avatar: The Last Airbender, Katara embodies the human condition - or more specifically, she embodies the duality within it. Throughout the show, her tenderness and her wrath are balanced in a way that renders her one of the most well-written female characters in children’s animation, perhaps even in all of television. Because Katara’s anger and compassion do not simply split themselves into two identities. Instead, they coexist and coalesce into one. They drive each other; they feed into each other; they are two sides of the same coin.

But how can that be true when opposite traits are supposed to clash and counter each other’s effects?

There’s no denying that at times, Katara’s anger and compassion serve to show two different sides of her. We even see this within the very first episode:

(on left) Katara: No that's it! I'm done helping you! From now on, you're on your own!

(on right) Katara: He's alive! We have to help!

At first, Katara’s irritation towards Sokka is what causes her to accidentally waterbend the iceberg open, in which the transcript describes her movements as “agitated.” However, as soon as she sees Aang, this irritation is replaced by concern for “the boy in the iceberg.” Hence, within a few minutes, we see how Katara can be motivated by compassion and rage separately.

Still, just because her kindness and anger are shown to be separate in many scenes that this separation applies to every scenario. Although Katara’s two opposite traits are opposite, that does not mean they are always opposing. Instead, they can fuel each other - her rage can fuel her compassion, and her compassion can fuel her rage.

Let’s see how.

Part 1 - Katara’s Rage Fuels Her Compassion

Throughout the series, Katara shares her grief over her mother’s death as a way to sympathize with others. In “The Southern Air Temple,” “Imprisoned,” and “Jet,” Katara tells Aang, Haru, and Jet about the effect the Fire Nation raids had on her, which establishes some of the most emotionally-charged scenes in these episodes. She is at her most vulnerable during these moments, laying bare a deep-rooted trauma in order to reach out and connect with someone else.

Dialogue from The Southern Air Temple

Katara: Aang, before we get to the temple, I want to talk to you about the airbenders.

Aang: What about 'em?

Katara: Well, I just want you to be prepared for what you might see. The Fire Nation is ruthless. They killed my mother, and they could have done the same to your people.

Dialogue from Imprisoned

Haru: Yeah. Problem is... the only way I can feel close to my father now is when I practice my bending. He taught me everything I know.

Katara: See this necklace? My mother gave it to me.

Haru: It's beautiful.

Katara: I lost my mother in a Fire Nation raid. This necklace is all I have left of her.

Haru: It's not enough, is it?

Katara: No.

Dialogue from Jet

Jet: The Fire Nation killed my parents. I was only eight years old. That day changed me forever.

Katara: Sokka and I lost our mother to the Fire Nation.

Jet: I'm so sorry, Katara.

However, these moments seem to distinctly lack any hint of anger from Katara’s end, so it may seem irrelevant to mention them here - that is, until we remember Katara had mentioned her mother one more time. Trapped in the Crystal Catacombs with a former enemy, she once again says that the Fire Nation took her mother away from her - but this time not with sympathy. No, this time she is filled with rage.

Dialogue from The Crossroads of Destiny

Zuko: You don't know what you're talking about!

Katara: I don't? How dare you! You have no idea what this war has put me through! Me personally! The Fire Nation took my mother away from me.

As Katara sits down, tears forming in her eyes, it becomes clear that her grief has festered into bitterness and anger towards the Fire Nation. By now, her grief is her anger, and so it’s not just shared pain Katara is empathizing within all four of these scenarios - it’s also shared rage.

She is gentle with Aang because she knows the effects of loss (inducing the Avatar State); she is sympathetic with Haru because she knows what she would be driven to do to have her mother back (inciting a prison break by stirring the prisoners’ righteous anger); and she is moved by Jet’s dedication to the Freedom Fighters because she would fight for the Southern Water Tribe too (against the Fire Nation, although Jet’s rage blinds him in a way that Katara’s doesn’t).

Then, in the Crystal Catacombs, it’s Katara’s anger towards the Fire Nation that uncovers her hidden pain. Her vulnerability is what causes Zuko’s words (“That’s what we have in common”) to resonate with her so much, enough for her to offer to heal his scar.

Therefore, Katara’s relationship with anger and grief (whether it’s emotionally-driven similar to how Aang enters the Avatar state or self-righteous similar to her calling the earthbender prisoners to action) is the foundation for some of her most compassionate moments in the series.

Part 2 - Katara’s Compassion Fuels Her Rage

Just as some of her most sympathetic moments are rooted in understanding someone else’s rage, many of Katara’s harshest moments see her acting on the behalf of others’ pain and needs.

As the designated “mother” of the Gaang, the Gaang’s more silly and immature antics often aggravate her and cause her to reprimand them severely, a clash that features prominently in Katara and Toph’s relationship.

In “The Chase” and “The Runaway,”  Katara shouts at Toph for lacking a sense of responsibility. However, her indignation does not simply stem from taking personal defense, but from wanting to safeguard the family she has found in the Gaang. Then, both these times, Toph learns the true motives behind Katara’s overbearing actions through a conversation with Iroh and Sokka, respectively.

Dialogue from The Chase

Toph: People see me and think I'm weak. They want to take care of me, but I can take care of myself, by myself.

Iroh: You sound like my nephew, always thinking you need to do things on your own, without anyone's support. There is nothing wrong with letting the people who love you help you.

When Toph talks with Iroh in “The Chase,” Iroh imparts some wisdom on finding mutual support in friendship, implying that Katara pushing responsibilities onto Toph is her way of solidifying and upholding the loving and supportive dynamic within the Gaang.

Dialogue from The Runaway

Sokka: I'm gonna tell you something crazy. I never told anyone this before, but honestly? I'm not sure I can remember what my mother looked like. It really seems like my whole life, Katara's been the one looking out for me. She's always been the one that's there. And now, when I try to remember my mom, Katara's is the only face I can picture.

Toph: The truth is sometimes Katara does act motherly, but that's not always a bad thing. She's compassionate and kind, and she actually cares about me. You know, the real me. That's more than my own mom.

As the dialogue states, “Katara’s been the one looking out for [them].” Hence, her mothering tendencies towards Toph in “The Runaway” are evoked by her wanting to avoid the danger that Toph’s high-profile scamming is beginning to place them in. In other words, she simply wants to protect her makeshift family because “she actually cares about [Toph and the rest of the Gaang]. You know, the real [them].”

Katara’s ability to empathize with others, to see past facades and prejudices, is one of her defining traits. Earlier, in the episode “The Painted Lady,” Katara manages to see beyond the people of Jang Hui’s Fire Nation background and recognize that above all else, they are suffering from war and poverty. Consequently, they are people who need her.

As such, even the notion of abandoning the people of Jang Hui (as suggested by Sokka) enrages her because Katara is someone who “will never, ever turn my back on people who need [her]!”

Still, Katara’s desire to fight for a village of strangers cannot compare to the lengths she would take to protect Aang.

Dialogue from The Western Air Temple

Katara: You might have everyone else here buying your… transformation, but you and I both know you've struggled with doing the right thing in the past. So let me tell you something, right now. You make one step backward, one slip-up, give me one reason to think you might hurt Aang, and you won't have to worry about your destiny anymore. Because I'll make sure your destiny ends ... right then and there. Permanently.

While Zuko was a bystander as Azula shot lightning at Aang, he was an active participant in his fight against Katara, whom, just moments ago, he shared an incredibly intimate moment with. But despite how Zuko betrayed Katara personally, it is the impact his betrayal had on Aang’s life (and death) that she focuses on. So even at her most threatening, Katara acts to protect someone else, Aang, the boy who is her friend and her family.

Together, all these instances reveal that Katara’s compassion is what grants her a protective instinct, and her protective instinct is what moves her to anger and violence.

Conclusion

Katara’s character provides invaluable insight into the relationship between compassion and rage, revealing how it is not simply black contrasting white, but a spread of grays and contradictions. After all, that is who Katara is. She is two sides of the same coin and the bridge in between.

Even more, that is the human condition - full of grays and contradictions, simultaneously negating and reciprocating, balancing and tipping the scales all at once. And perhaps human emotion, in all its breadth, cannot be contained to a two-dimensional spectrum where emotions can either be placed close together or on opposite ends - because humanity is of infinite dimensions, constructed from science, dictated by art. And yet, somehow it is a two-dimensional animated character who captures human complexity with such ease.

[theinariakuma]

My Take on the Obey Me Boys

So. I was talking with @voltagesmutter She always gets my stuff that I possibly may post as well as just fragments of fics that may or may not come to be. After seeing the amazing bondage images here  I broke down my take on the guys after sending her a small Lucifer piece inspired by the image. 

She suggested I post my take on the guys because she liked how I broke them down. 

I have not finished up to Chapter 40. I am currently stuck at Chapter 22. So anything that may be proven/disproven in future chapters. 

So spoilers about Lilith and Belphegor (See Belphegor and Beelzebub’s) and Satan. 

These are all my personal opinions and takes on the characters and why they act the way they do and how they need to be handled. If you’d like to see them, please view under the cut. 

Lucifer: 

Lucifer is a caretaker. He is a fixer. He is the person you go to to get a more parental/authoritative help. This is part of why he holds his pride in such a high regard. People go to him because he is the person they can rely on. However, because of this, he sacrifices his own self care, both health wise and emotionally. It gets to the point he probably does not know how to let go and the moment he does give up that control, that emotional surrender will take so much of pent up feelings and break him down. It will be a time that the Avatar of Pride will realize that surrendering his pride to the one he trusts, the one he loves, is not as scary, not the humiliation he thought it would have been, so long as he was accepted and his letting go was treated with the respect it deserves. 

Mammon: 

Mammon has what I think could easily be classified as Middle child syndrome. The idea of “never being good enough” compared to his older brother and younger brothers. He acts out for the attention he gets, he is the personification of any attention is good attention, even if it leads to the emotional and verbal abuse of him being called “stupid,” “scum,” “idiot,” and so on. He is probably the second most sacrificing out of the seven. Unlike Lucifer, who gets recognized for what he does, Mammon does not receive this recognition, leaving him attention deprived in every sense of the word. Despite his words, Mammon shows MC nothing but patience and in his own way, care towards them despite the occasional comment. He, like Asmo, has never turned his anger on MC in the way his siblings has. He has never turned his Demon form on MC in aggression. This boy gets flustered because he doesn’t know how to take kind words, does not know how to take a gentle touch. If his own brothers don’t respect him, why would other demons? So when he is given pure, gentle affection in terms of touches, love, kind words, he has no defense other then to try and brush it off and put himself into an outside role. It is often “The Great Mammon” not “me”. It would take time for him to truly accept that the words, the love, the affection, and attention are meant for him. 

Leviathan:

Levi is someone I see as contact deprived. He, in my opinion, is the personification of, “If I don’t do it, it can’t hurt me” in a way. He finds acceptance in the 2D because they won’t turn him down. They won’t deny him love, attention, and kind words. For him, that is something that is priceless so he’ll spend as much money as he can to keep that happy feeling from it. Ruri is so important to him because she has been the one to accept him through his otaku nature. (Something I believe many fans of Obey me and other Otome Games can probably relate to). Looking over all of the boys, Belphegor, Satan, and Leviathan are the ones who do not have wings as Demons (See Satan’s post for spoilers). One could assume that they lost them when they changed from Angels to Demons. It is possible that he feels like he is no longer complete, and finding comfort in the 2D is what helps him go through his life, because it will love him no matter what, whereas real people can and possibly would reject him. So, it will take a massive amount of patience and persistence to convince this boy he is loved by someone that is real. It will take a lot of contact when he is okay with it, a lot of affirmation. He’ll degrade himself, he won’t believe someone could love him, likely because he doesn’t even love himself. Consistency will be something he needs and even when he gets frustrating, being angry at him can cause him to turn back in on himself. 

Satan:

Spoilers for Satan’s Creation. Skip if you do not want spoilers.

Satan is the only one of the boys that was not an Angel. Created from Lucifer’s Anger, his wrath, there will always be a looming sense of the fact that he is not his own person. Unintentionally, this likely makes him more angry, especially when he ends up being more and more like Lucifer. He lives off the notion that knowledge is power, and because of that he buries himself in his own personal library that is called his room. He reads everything and anything he can get his hands on, letting himself get lost in the tales, the lives of fictional beings. This is likely the place where he learned how to have contact with people outside of his brothers. His family, Lucifer and the others, are a fractured bunch, despite that they do love one another, however, it does not leave the idea of social skills. Satan is likely faced on a daily basis with his own inferiority complex, and his way to battle that is by locking away his emotions because he probably does not know how to truly handle things outside of anger, in which he could easily pick a fight with one of the others. He’ll understand the notions of love, happiness, pleasure, fear, and so on, but it could be assume because how closed off the rest of the brothers are to the rest of the world outside of Diavolo and the few they interact with, Satan has never experienced these things first hand. His own emotions will surprise him, so he needs to be treated with care, especially once he opens someone up to his world, the safe place among the books. He won’t take well to teasing when he does show it unless it is all in good manner, something that is finished off with tender words and soft soothing that it is okay. That his feelings are his own and they are okay.

Asmodeus: 

Asmo is someone who hides behind his looks. He knows he is beautiful and it is often shown just how much care he puts into his physical appearance through diets, skincare, clothes, and so on. However, despite this, it does not seem that Asmo makes any personal connections, only physical. He likely has never felt someone love him for him, love him for who he is under all of the care. He possibly is self conscious of being clingy emotionally. There is a running question if Asmo understands the difference between the idea of love and actual love. He needs someone who sees past the skin deep appearances, who could see him at his worst and call him beautiful, who wants him beyond the physical. He needs someone who will take care of his needs emotionally. Aggressive isn’t the word I would use about him, because he is not going to force anyone into anything, but he does push the idea of being physically intimate. He needs someone who can say no. Someone to show him what love is as much as they need to take care of his emotions. Rejection will likely baffle him because he knows how beautiful he is, how appealing he is, and if you’re attracted to him physically, he’ll notice. If you say no, despite all of this, if you explain you want to know him for him, it is likely he won’t understand how to take it. 

Beelzebub:

Spoilers for Lilith’s story and Beel’s story during the Celestial War.

Beel is a protector, he sacrifices on a physical level. He loved fully and completely and that is probably the scariest thing to him. Because he knows just how big and strong he is and he knows how openly he wears his heart once someone knows him. He’d die before he let someone hurt someone important to him. Beel threw himself in front of his twin, and he blames himself and believes Belphie to blame him for not taking the deadly shot for Lilith. Beel is someone who loves easily, which is why he’ll come off aggressive or even distant when someone meets him, as seen with MC. He knows he wants to protect people, but his duty is to his family first. His sin, his gluttony, also often upsets people. His brothers go out of their way to stop him from raiding the fridge, on one of his Devilgram he is even scolded for sleep eating. He makes comments to MC that he does not feel as hungry when they are around, which leads to the conclusion, his gluttony is fueled by his emotions. He feels an emptiness early on. Belphie is not around, his steady guilt about Lilith, so he tries to fill this void created by his own emotions by eating. Beel is someone that deserves all of the love and praise. He will always be gluttonous, that is who he is. Helping him find a way to manage it without belittling him is perfect way to help care and show love for him. Understand he loves his family, and he would never want to be forced to choose between them. Beel and his brothers, especially Belphie, come as a packaged deal.

Belphegor: 

Spoilers for Lilith’s story prior to the Celestial War and Belphie’s release from the room. ( I believe Chapter 16?)

Belphie was, in the Celestial realm, the baby among the brothers. He was able to get away with a lot of things, which was how he was able to sneak away so often that it had caused Lilith to grow curious. After Lilith’s death, that adoration and love for the human kind turned bitter in his chest. All of the good they had brought him had corrupted in the depth of his soul. His freedom was gone along with his sister, and that was a guilt that would weigh on his soul for several reasons. Beel had protected him rather than Lilith, and Belphie would likely blame himself because of all of this had been started because she followed his example and went to the Human Realm. After his actions towards MC, after killing them before Barbatos’ actions, the self-loathing will return in full force because he nearly killed off someone that had treated him with kindness, that knew his sins... that had been related to his reborn sister. He won’t know how to let go of his control, it would be all he has. It is why he will come off as aggressive or even aloof towards people at times. Belphie likely will have two ways to handle his emotions, full force release or resistance. If he trusts the person, they’ll see Belphie go into full cling. He’ll often cling to the person, trusting them fully because it is all he feels he could offer. Himself. It is also why if he does not have that trust with someone he will come off as aggressive and sharp. Belphie will always hold his regrets close to his chest, he needs someone to affirm that if he has been forgiven or not and if he hasn’t what he can do to earn that forgiveness. He needs to be treated with kid gloves in terms of being gentle in tone, but do not sugar coat it. He needs to be told if he is upset someone, if he has hurt them and he’ll likely need to know why, he is not the type to understand the weight of his words or actions until after it is done. He needs clear communication and open affection. 

[dangermousie]

They are in the middle of a serious discussion, but I am sorry, Wushe can distinguish between all the scents and their various mixes? If he ever gives up the whole Demon Lord thing and Bian (who apparently made differently scented sachets for every occasion even as a prince) does take him back, he and Bian can open that universe’s most flourishing perfume and sachet business. Happy ending, let’s go!

In many ways, Wushe has the straightforwardness and immediacy of a child (even if his desires are not at all childish), probably in large part because his time in hell stripped him down to essentials.

BUT! The thing that I find even more interesting is the role reversal - this whole conversation shows (and I love that the author does show rather than tell) that Bian is no longer scared of Wushe in the least (thanks, Infernal Hell!) and he’s the one in charge as well - calmly pushing for Wushe to give up the tally because it warps him. And Wushe not being willing because of self-protection but also because he uses power as a crutch. And Bian calmly laying things out as to what he should do and why he should do it.

Seriously! I love it. Bian is so sane. I love that they have reverted to dage/didi and shixiong/shidi for real. By that I mean that Bian is acting as an older brother (whether family or martial) and that hasn’t really been the case since Zixiao came back as Demon Lord. Because this is the first time there is a level playing field (Zixiao is not possessed, Bian isn’t lacking memory while Wushe has his etc) and so natural order restores itself. And honestly, it needs to. Because Wushe is the most powerful human in the world in terms of cultivation/magic/etc but Bian is the sanity and the moral compass and the latter should be in charge of the former. 

Oh my GOD!!!! That is why I love Bian - whether as Ziheng OR Bian, memories present or not, the one thing that he always keeps is his uncompromising attitude about what’s right. I mean, the moral conviction, the lack of compromise, the BALLS it takes for him to say to Wushe’s “but if I don’t have my talismans, they will come for revenge” that “well, then you’ve earned it.”

GOD

Bian! I love you. I love that horrible things happened to him in two lifetimes but he’s not weak nor a pushover nor saintly nor forgiving. What he is, is principled and just and nothing can shake it. Even at his lowest, when Zixiao kept him as some sort of horrifying sex slave near the end of life 1, the only thing he could get and could bend to his control was his body’s instinctive reactions, he could never bend his mind one inch. 

You know, I really really get Wushe’s obsession - it’s not just that he imprinted on Bian from childhood or fixated on him in past life for a variety of love x hate reasons, each feeding the other feeling, or that it was his tether to sanity in hell. It’s also that while Wushe himself lacks a moral center (and always has), there is something so mesmerizing about that moral certainty, that refusal to compromise on your view of what is right. Bian takes all the horrors the Universe throws at him and refuses to compromise at all. (And this in full light of knowing there is no heavenly reward. He is positively Stoic in believing virtue is its own reward.) And not only does Wushe remember what it felt like to be loved utterly and be surrounded by nonstop consideration and care and yearn for it again, there must be a little of him that craves Bian’s love as a seal of approval of sorts - to get the world’s most righteous man to love you is something.

Oh, and also I love that he doesn’t just want Wushe to bury the tally, he wants him to give the map back to Bian. Seriously. I love how they keep talking and Bian keeps gently but unceasingly pushing, both for the sake of the world and Wushe’s own sake, and Wushe doesn’t want to but you see him give in step by step.

!!!!!!!!

I AM SCREAMING SCREAMING SCREAMING!!!!!!

Wushe is willing to be weak and vulnerable and target n1 for the whole world as long as he has Bian (even if not in romantic capacity) and Bian plain text tells him he wants to never see him again and that he can’t forgive him (and doesn’t want ANY relationship with him, whether familial or romantic.) Talk about Bian wanting Wushe to live the “be good for its own sake” thing.

But honestly, I am mildly in awe of the author. How many novels with a yandere ML are out there (in both het and danmei) - so many! And most often things magically resolve themselves. ML grovels a little and MC forgives. Or it turns out to be a misunderstanding and they both go “oh fine.” Or there is a plot twist as to why it’s OK, or MC remembers his/her past romantic feelings and is swayed. Or there is one fight and then they are back to together.

Not here! Thee are no easy outs. None. Just as I was impressed by the fact that the author never ever made Ziheng in life 1 feel anything romantic for Zixiao ever. Not when they were siblings, not when they found out they were not related, and not when Zixiao returned as demon lord and there were epic amounts of noncon. Ziheng by turns loved him as a brother and feared/hated/his body had an involuntary physical reaction to him but there was never ever a hint he viewed him in a romantic light. And I was so impressed. (Which is why their happy and gentle and consensual relationship in life 2, when Bian had no idea about their past lives or even that Wushe = Zixiao, is so crucial. Otherwise he’d never have connected his unbrother and romantic relationships, let alone had any takes on sex as something that can be tender and loving and something he wants more of.)

But I am even more impressed with how the story went once Bian recovered his memories/Wushe found out the truth. There are no shortcuts. There is no easy forgiveness. Nothing can erase the fact that Zixiao took his brother apart emotionally and mentally. Not learning that he was warped by the tally and wasn’t himself, not seeing firsthand the torture he underwent for a century, nor seeing his remorse and how devoted he is now. That can earn a cessation of hatred and a certain weary understanding (and even that took a long gradual time), but it cannot earn forgiveness and love. Or at least not right away - I am sure they will eventually end there but I love love love how grindingly slow and gradual and incremental it is.

And I love how blunt Bian is being. And not to lash out but because that is what he genuinely feels (something Wushe can tell.)

Oh, Wushe. You after all dug your own grave, so you will have to lie in it for a long time.

Awwwwwww!

Also, talk about growth - Wushe will obviously be trying to get Bian until he dies (and after that, if he can) but not are there no threats or emotional blackmail or anger or anything - both because he knows the truth that he’s in the wrong but also because I think the time in infernal hell with a little memory trip and Bian coming through for him was super cathartic for him.

And Bian is still reluctant even about even this little and I swear, it gives me so much life!

Awwwww. Now this kind of wooing I can be good with. Now that Bian is not in the least afraid of Wushe, instinctively or not, now that he’s in charge and holding the leash, and all Wushe wants is to basically woo him back and everything is out in the open? Mmmm. I like. Mainly because I don’t feel like it would be unearned or not between equals now.

[whentherewerebicycles]

such a good sunday :) lots of active time but in a way that felt fun and not like a chore, which is always the goal. took a long walk with Ruthie this morning, skated for 45 min this afternoon, and took another long walk with Pip in the early evening. the grocery store was still really picked over (very little produce and nothing from the fridges) but I made a really spicy pantry staples pasta dish with chickpeas that was pretty good.

I didn’t get any fiction writing done today, but I did do some good future planning/writing re: research and career stuff this afternoon while the dogs napped.

some thoughts post-future planning: I’m trying to be a little more proactive about my own life, I guess. I feel like I spent the years between ages 15-23ish in this hyper-driven, hypercompetitive mode, where I was soooo driven by the need to secure external achievements and be the best/smartest/most accomplished at whatever, mostly because it felt like the only way I could see out of the deep pit of intense self-loathing I spent so many years stewing in. my mid-to-late 20s and early 30s have definitely been a time of just, like, figuring out what it means to be healthy (emotionally, physically, and in my friendships and relationships) and learning how to prioritize happiness, self-compassion, lightness, joy, etc in my life and work—which meant consciously jettisoning the external achievement-oriented values system that so structured those earlier phases of my life.

but I’ve been thinking a lot lately (yes partly because of sports, lol) that in both phases I may have swung a little too far in one direction, or gone too far towards one extreme. the hypercompetitive achievement-focused version of myself wasn’t healthy because it just gave me this rigid exoskeleton I believed would protect/shield me without addressing the fact that all the soft vulnerable inside parts of my self were so shot through with self-critical self-hatred I was pretty much rotting from within. I really NEEDED to swing very, very far in the opposite direction in order to start reckoning with the damage that all of these awful corrosive feelings had been doing to my head/heart/self for so long. I guess one way to describe that second extreme swing is: I had to learn how to extend compassion and total acceptance to myself while having no expectations of myself, almost to prove to myself that it was possible. I had to prove to myself that you didn’t have to achieve anything or win anything or have grandiose ambitions for yourself to be worthy of love, tenderness, care. you could just be, and still deserve to be alive.

but I think that maybe now I am ready to start looking for a middle ground, or a third way forward that lies somewhere between those two ways of living in the world/in oneself. I want to find a way to synthesize the good parts of both into something new. I needed the time to be directionless (well—directionless for me, I guess, by my old standards) and completely at peace with it, but I also know from experience that I do thrive in those competitive (or at least higher-pressure) situations where I have to think quickly, creatively, and daringly, and where I am much more frequently testing the limits of what I know or know how to do.

I feel like I used to chase achievements like something was chasing after me—something terrifying that was always hot on my heels, threatening to imminently overtake and devour me. I don’t want to ever feel like that again! but I do want to find ways to move through my life, through the world, and through my work/career in a more purposeful way than I’ve been doing for the past few years. I want to take more initiative instead of just drifting from place to place. I want to not only accept but actively seek out more experiences that challenge me, in healthy and generative ways. I want to test myself—not to see if I’ll break, but to see what more I am capable of doing and learning. I also want the desire to work more purposefully to come not from a need to be recognized with external achievements, but from the understanding that I can do the work I love more effectively if I am better connected and more deeply engaged in communities of people who are pursuing similar work.

I want to keep thinking about what it would look like to pursue excellence not in exacting or self-punishing ways, but as an extension of the care I offer myself. as a teacher I know that giving students the easy out might seem like the most humane or compassionate response in the moment—but when I let someone only & always stay where they are comfortable, or when I step in too quickly to solve a problem for them, I am depriving them of opportunities for real and meaningful growth, the kind that ultimately helps people become confident, secure adults who trust themselves to be able to respond to unfamiliar situations or tackle complex challenges. I want to teach/mentor myself like that too! I want to embrace the idea that caring for myself means creating opportunities for myself to struggle productively, in ways that test and challenge me, and ultimately help me mature into a more secure and capable adult version of myself.

lol okay well more on this later, probably! when I started writing I just meant to post a three-sentence end-of-day update and it got away from me a bit. but these are some thoughts that I am mulling over this week.