#how I spent my quarantine vacation

[honeytama]

Nocturne

Merman!Noah Sebastian x Fem!Reader

A/N: I hope you love Merman!Noah as much as I do. If you knew me on here during quarantine, guess what? I'm back to writing about men with two dicks! ...sigh

Summary: Okinawa Island is just south of mainland Japan and it's where you're spending the few days of your vacation away from reality. You're on the search for fun, excitement, newness, and love. It so happens that someone else is, too.

Content and Warnings: Fluff, comfort, alcohol/intoxication, injury/blood, smut 18+, merman!noah has two phalluses, oral (receiving), raw pnv

Word Count: 12k

Tags: @somebodyels3 @yarasdead @raspberrywatermelon @gh0stfacegf @shilohrosechicken

@thefallennightmare @lma1986

Tokyo, Kyoto, and Osaka were beautiful places you spent the past week in, but Okinawa, an island just south of the mainland of Japan, will be your home for the next few days as your one-woman vacation is nearly to its end. Okinawa’s horizon is gorgeous; all the eye can see of crisp, blue waters and green cliff sides. Excitement buzzes through you as you approach the beachside condo in the driver's seat of the rental car from the Naha Airport. 

Last week, you spent all your time in different hotels while traveling to different parts of the country, only staying a day or two at a time in a new bed, but this time, you splurged to stay in an Airbnb on the island's coast. You figured that after spending a lot of time being a tourist on the mainland and being safe with your decisions, you could have a chance to be more relaxed before you had to return home— and return to work. You feel more confident after spending a week in the larger cities; you’re able to speak the little Japanese you know and English, you have found all the foods you like and how to order them, and navigating yourself was becoming easier. This place could become a second home, you think.

Walking through the front door of the condo, you’re able to see right through past the kitchen and living room to the back of the house’s floor-to-ceiling windows. Your backyard is the ocean. However, the building was built on a cliff, so you would have to find a more safe way to reach the soft sands that call you below.

It’s morning, so you figure it’s time to find your favorite Japanese breakfast items and spend the day exploring. On the itinerary, especially, is to figure out how to get down to the beach. 

—

You spent the day eating a few meals around town. You decided not to take the car out, so you walked for the majority of the day finding things to do.

Looking for entertainment for the beach, you found a comfortable bookstore and walked around for an hour scouring for something to read. They had everything you could need in different Japanese writing systems and also plenty of options in English. You found a couple of romance novels, both spicy and sweet love stories, that would help amuse you as you lie on the sands tomorrow. 

Love was the reason you were in Japan, to begin with. Besides always wanting to be in the country, you desperately needed time off from reality. You felt stuck while at home, but you have found, and hope to find more of, fun, excitement, and newness. However, love is something you’re still reaching for—in more ways than one. Before arriving in Japan, you had hoped that some beautiful man would come to sweep you off your feet and take you away from everything you’re hiding from. This just hasn't come true just yet.

While you were perusing at the bookstore earlier in the day, another tourist was speaking to the cashier about some rumors while you peeked at them from behind a shelf. Their conversation made your ears perk up.

“Ningyo,” the woman cashier repeated.

“Ningyo? What did you say that was?” The tourist opened Google on their phone looking for more information, intrigued.

“A mermaid— well ours is a merman,” the cashier corrects herself. “The word directly translates to ‘fish-person’. It’s what me and my sisters have been talking about around town with others for the past few years,” she explained. “We think he’s out there still; we can hear him sing at night. Can’t you?”

“Wow, uhm, I’m staying at a hotel further away from the coast, so no, I haven't heard anything. But, that’s amazing!” The tourist exclaimed. “Do you know what a siren is? Do you think he’s dangerous?”

The cashier giggled and gave the tourist their receipt. “There have not been any reports of people going missing or being injured, so I assume our mystery merman is safe,” she shrugs. “I’ve never seen him, to be frank, all of this is just rumors— a legend. But, you should go out to the beach at night to hear his voice. You won't be disappointed.”

You laugh to yourself about their conversation on your hike back to the condo during this late afternoon. A mermaid? Merman? Please. There is probably some wannabe boyband guy in the neighborhood who likes to practice his music on the beach at night. 

You are surprised that it has been going on for so long though. Wouldn't this guy want others to know that it’s him? That he’s the guy with the amazing voice everyone in town is talking about? You think to yourself.

On your way back to your temporary home, you stumble across a part of the town that’s less busy than the rest. You imagine you had taken the wrong way back, but you swear you’re great at navigating yourself now. There’s no way you could have made a mistake while you're holding Google Maps open on your phone watching every step and counting the minutes it takes before you get back to the door of the Airbnb.

Nevertheless, you’re not lost, just somewhere you didn't expect. With no one around to help, you take a step off of the road to walk over to the railed cliff’s edge to regain your surroundings and reroute toward the correct direction.

Looking over the railing, you admire the teal waters crashing against a group of large slate rocks along the beach that form seafoam that sizzles along the sand. You notice the cliff is quite steep and wraps around a small portion of the beach below you. The edges of it are lined with moss and fern-covered rock walls and green, lively trees for shade. It’s a cove; a private one. The sands look so smooth and on a perfect, warm, sunny day like this, you were sure it should have been packed. You spot a trail that leads down to it when you look up to your right. You found your way down to the beach, you think.

—

The next morning you awake and walk around your apartment eating onigiri. You pack up all your favorite beach essentials, excluding an umbrella, because you hoped the tall trees you spotted at the cove would be enough to protect you. While packing, you hum a tune to yourself, and taking a slow bite from your food you realize you have never heard the song before. You must have made it up in your sleep, you think.

You had pinned the location of the cove in your phone and followed directions back to where you were yesterday afternoon, hoping not to get lost again. 

Once on the familiar cliff again, you take the trail and snake yourself down to the bottom, carefully, which leads you out into your own, personal paradise. A private cove for you to spend the next few days relaxing in.

You make haste to set up everything and to start enjoying your books. A wide beach towel is laid out onto the soft, pale sands. You feel the sand between your toes and fingers; it’s perfect. You set up your Bluetooth speaker and roll up an extra beach towel to use as a pillow. Lying back with your sunglasses on and in your favorite swimsuit, the trees cover just enough to where the sun can leak through and tan your body, but not enough to where you are blinded as you open your first book.

You relax for a couple of hours reading your story and listening to music. You’re relieved you brought water and snacks, too, unbelieving you would get this comfortable. As you turn your music down to change it over to a podcast while you eat, you hear a loud splash come from the water before you. 

Looking up quickly, having been startled by the noise, you spot a large, dark tailfin ducking back under the water behind one of the large, pointed rocks.

“Oh, shit,” the sight makes you sit up on your towel. You pull your sunglasses off hoping to catch a good look at the fin if the animal were to return to the surface. “That thing was huge,” you whisper to yourself. Although you have become familiar with a lot while on your vacation, this was the first time you have been close to Japanese waters, so you have no clue about the types of fish or other things that could be lurking in the shallows. 

On your way out of the cove, you take one last peak at the water. It’s almost still with just the tide coming in to layer over the sand, but you could have sworn you could feel someone’s eyes watching you the entire time and not from the top of the cliff. You feel it coming from the direction of the ocean.

—

“I need to hear it, too,” you thought drunkenly as your feet dragged you back to the cove’s entrance.

Earlier in the night, you thought to indulge yourself in a night of drinks, mingling, and dancing. You went out to a couple of bars in town in a white, frilled spaghetti strap dress that hits you mid-thigh and a pair of platform, strappy sandals. You danced freely with some sweet groups of women you found at each bar; your hands caressed your own curves and you moved your hips to the beat around you. Your spirit caught the eye of many different men, from all backgrounds, who were hitting on you throughout the night and feeding you drinks constantly.

It felt good. Their attention is what you wanted, and you flirted with them back; making small conversations and touching their biceps and shoulders to show you’re interested. Maybe one of them could be the one? You thought. I can find love here. However, too many drinks being pushed your way eventually turned you off to them and they were turned off by how you stumbled out of the bar to walk home.

Walking back to the condo, you come across the same road you were lost on. You look over the railing above your private cove and the waters are dark; they crash against the sands and boulders off to the side of the beach.

“I wanna swim,” you speak aloud. “No, that’s dangerous,” you shake your head. “I’ll just— stand in the water. Feel nice,” you mumble.

You think about the woman who you overheard speak at the bookstore. The ningyo. His alluring voice that sings through the night.

“That’s not real,” you giggle to yourself. “Well, I could prove it her wrong. I just need to see if I can hear him. Need to hear him,” you repeat as your sandals pull you away from the rail.

You stumble over to the cove’s trail entrance and carefully make your way down to the sands, just as you did this morning.

Once below, you undo your sandals from your feet and take your purse to throw them all into a pile of sand. You make your way to the edge of the water and step in the deep blue inch by inch until you can no longer see your ankles. 

“Sing, please,” you wave your arms at the water like it will talk back to you. You start to hum the song that riddled your brain when you awoke in the morning while kicking the water up with your feet. “Ningyo, if you dont start singing right now then I’m leaving,” you yell out to the obscured horizon. 

The ocean stays silent. 

“Fine.”

You take a few steps back toward the shore, but the high tide is so heavy on your legs that it’s difficult to move in the direction you would like. You end up moving at a diagonal towards the jagged rocks that you feared; salt water splashes against them violently. You stick your hands out to brace yourself, but a large tidal wave knocks you off your feet and your head finds the rocks first.

You yelp before falling into the water. Your face is fully submerged as you look up at the moon through the salt water in your eyes. Watching your eyelids close slowly, everything fades to black.

NOAH’S POV

Where’d she go? I think to myself with heavy concern.

I’ve been looking after this girl for the past day and never once did I expect her to be injured while on my watch. I was amused at how she called out to me and I feel ashamed for watching her stumble into the rocks after leaving because I wouldn’t sing. I should have just indulged her instead of teasing her. If I did, then maybe she wouldn’t be lost under the waves. 

I swim towards the rocks with purpose and see her floating there face up. She looks limp.

“Please be alive,” I whisper as I take her body into my arms. I hold my ear to her chest for the sound of her heartbeat and it thumps in my head. Relieved, I allow myself to take a deep breath of air and allow my own heart rate to die down. I swim the best I can through the shallow water with her in my arms until we reach the shore.

I lay her down on the sand and fix her dress so that she’s fully covered. The huge gash in her forehead makes me wince and deep, red blood seeps out of it unhindered.

As her lips begin to turn blue, I realize I need to work faster. I raise my right hand over her lips and twist my fingers as if I’m going to pull a rope from between them. Instead, a stream of saltwater is pulled from out of her lungs and through her open mouth until it forms a sphere above her head. I flick my hand to the side and the water bubble splashes into the sand around us. The tingle from my magic use covers my arms and shoulders in goosebumps.

I need to see her chest rise and fall again. She needs air, I think. Raising myself over her, I pinch her nose with my fingers and bring my mouth to hers. I push the thoughts about her soft lips pressing to mine and blow air into her chest. It rises against mine as her lungs fill up, so I continue to suck in air and blow into her mouth and when she begins to cough, I know to pull back. 

The girl lies there still, unconscious. My hand brings itself to cover the gash on her head in full and I put in energy to allow my magic to flow into her, to heal her. The stream of her blood stops, and I can feel her skin closing under my palm.

My head falls in relief that she’ll be okay and my wet bangs tickle her cheek.

Uncovering her head, there’s just a faint scar above her eye that will fade even more, over time. I roll over to the side and lie on my back next to her. I can’t help but think she’s the most beautiful being I’ve ever seen, even with her hair tousled, clothes soaked, and eyes softly closed. Well, maybe those things make her even more appealing.

I’ve been close to very few humans in my life, but I swear she’s the only one that has ever truly intrigued me like this. 

I have wanted to know her since she stepped foot into my cove this morning. I think she’s already seen my tail, but I want her to know all of me, too.

“I’ll meet you in the morning,” I whisper.

—

READER

You sit up with a gasp.

“Ah, shit,” you mumble and shade your eyes from the sun rising over the horizon. 

While adjusting your eyes to the brightening blue sky and reflective teal waters, you notice an array of colors lying on the sand in your peripheral. Artwork? Your eyes fully adjust and the sight of a Japanese traditionally tattooed arm moves next to your thighs. 

“Oh, my God!” You yelp and push yourself further back on the sand with your hands and feet. You look down and see the same white dress you wore out to the bars last night. What happened? You think.

Looking up slowly, you see that there wasn't just a severed, tattooed arm mere inches from your body, but a whole man. A man with a tail.

The ningyo, you think. The merman is on the beach with me.

You cover your mouth with the thought that it will muffle your quick, anxious breathing; you didn't want him to know you were awake for many reasons, but mainly you were curious about him and needed time to examine his form.

Crawling on your knees toward him, you notice not just his arm is tattooed, but his entire human-like skin. His neck, torso, arms, and you assume his back, too are covered in Japanese traditional tattoos. The artwork of koi fish, waves, scales, and clouds all meld together in black, gray, and vibrant accent colors throughout his body. How does he have tattoos? You wonder.

It’s saddening that you can see his face; he has his forearm thrown over it. You assume it’s to shield from the sun’s rays as he sleeps soundly. The outside of his forearms have dark, feather-like fins. They look so soft; you want to reach out and touch them. His hair is short with bangs that shape his temples from what you can see. His wrist and neck are adorned with jewelry made from stringed, tiny pearlescent shells. Looking around his chest and sides, you see no gills.

Trailing your eyes further down, his tail begins a few inches under his navel and it’s the most brilliant thing you’ve ever seen. His tail is long and it's halfway in the saltwater; you assume if he were standing he would be over six feet tall. The majority of his scales are slate, almost black, and would probably look like obsidian underwater. They have a shimmering shift under the light of the sun that makes them look wet, even when dry. These same scales go all the way down to his tailfin and the ends of his tailfin feather out just like his forearm fins. However, along his hip, he has a strip of pearl-colored scales that run down the length of his tail. You assume he has the same strip on his other hip, as well.

Overall, you are aware of your heart pounding in your chest. The cashier from the bookstore was right… There is a merman living in the waters of Okinawa. He’s gorgeous, too.

“Ah,” you hiss as you sit on your heels next to him. You feel a raging, throbbing pain in your head. Feeling over your forehead, there’s a light ridge under your fingertips in the form of a scar. Looking down at the man, you think that he must know why you’re at the cove this early in the morning in the clothes you wore the night before. Taking a deep breath, you tap his shoulder, curiously, hoping to wake him. “Ningyo.”

He stirs awake and removes his arm from his eyes. You watch him slowly sitting up on his elbows. “Hmm,” he groans while squinting to adjust his eyes to the morning.

“H—Hi,” you speak up and wave at him to get his attention. 

The merman twists his head towards your direction and your eyes meet. Beautiful maple eyes widen at yours. “Oh,” he says, blinking as if to check if you’re real. “Hi… You're awake.”

“Mhm,” you hum and fiddle with the end of your dress. “Nice to meet you. My name’s Y/N.”

“I’m Noah,” he extends his hand for you to shake. You reach out to him and his hand engulfs yours. He brings it to his lips and presses a soft kiss into the back of your hand. Must be a tradition for him, you think, blushing.

He smiles at you in awe with his teeth. You notice one of his lower canines is covered with a shiny, pearlized coating and it gleams at you sultrily. 

“Could you tell me why I’m here, please?” You feel comfortable, but your voice speaks nervously. Your fingers come back to your head as the pain pulses beneath your skin.

He looks out onto the horizon and his tail moves under the water as he thinks. “You came here by yourself last night. I think you might have been intoxicated,” he explains. You feel heat rush over your cheeks in embarrassment. “I watched you fall into the rocks over there,” he nods across the beach to your right. “You got a bad head wound and you drowned.”

“I drowned?” You ask incredulously while holding your chest.

“It’s ok. I pulled you out of the water and brought you here,” he motions his hand from the rocks to where you are now and his forearm fins fan out. “I hope you don’t mind— I had to use some magic on you or I might have lost you,” he says. “I spent the night looking after you to make sure you were okay.”

“Thank you,” you nod at him with a grateful smile. He does nothing to hide himself, and you realize he must have stayed overnight with you to see you in the morning. The thought of him watching over you makes you flush.

“Also—,” Noah’s face turns pink and he looks away from you with a smile. “I had to resuscitate you. It’s called mouth-to-mouth, right?” 

Oh. You feel your hands turn clammy, so you rub them on the front of your dress. “Yeah, that’s right. I’m sorry, by the way.”

Noah flips over to his side and rests his cheek in his hand. His tail follows suit and his movement flows the water toward you in a small wave that pools at your knees. He looks at you concerned with furrowed brows. “Why would you say you’re sorry?”

“Well, for one, you shouldn’t have had to go through so much trouble to save my life last night. I was being stupid. I don’t know why I came here,” you talk towards the blue horizon. “Second, you were right. I was drinking. I’m sorry that you might have tasted it on…” you bring a hand to motion towards your lips. “Or that you had to put your mouth on mine, at all,” you turn and laugh at him half-heartedly, but his face looks even more confused than before.

“Don’t apologize,” Noah says assertively. “I needed to save your life. You needed help and I was here to do that. Also, don’t be embarrassed about your actions… You looked cute yelling at me to sing to you.”

Yelling at him to sing to you? What was I thinking? You think. “I don’t know how to thank you,” you smile and shrug your shoulders.

Almost immediately, he replies, “Spend the day with me.”

“What? You don’t even know me,” you giggle. “Also, what do you mean? You want me to sit here on the beach with you until the evening comes around again?”

“Well, that’s the thing. I want to know you,” Noah says matter-of-factly. “We could do that, but I don’t like staying on land for more than half the day. I was thinking we could hang out in the water?” He nods towards the ocean.

“Ok, yeah, we can go swimming,” you nod. “I don't think I’ll be able to go too far though.”

“I have something in mind that can help,” he says with a smirk. “If you would feel more comfortable, then go home and change into your swimming gear and meet back here in an hour… It’s a date.”

A date? You’re going on a date with a merman after just meeting him? Out of all of the men you have met on your trip, he’s the only one who’s made the move for something romantic. And, your swimming gear? Ha! More like one of the skimpy swimsuits you had brought on your trip, you think.

“Okay,” you stand up to your feet and Noah looks up at you with his hand shielding his eyes from the sun. “I’ll be back soon,” you begin to walk towards the sand pile you threw your things onto the night before, before turning back to him. “Don’t you dare disappear on me, Noah.”

He laughs and pushes himself further into the water; his biceps flex under the weight of himself, “I wouldn't dream of it.”

You pick up your bag and sandals and watch Noah dive further into the water. The splash of his dark tail leaves a spray of sparking droplets in the dawn sun.

—

It’s still morning time, but you have returned to the cove having eaten breakfast with your beach bag sitting in the sand. You changed into your favorite swimsuit, which in your opinion seems just fine for a date and swim session with a merman. No big deal. 

While at the condo, you quickly paced around trying to change your clothes and locate everything you needed while simultaneously forming a hundred questions about Noah. All the while, having to deal with a racing heart and jitters as the merman you met less than two hours ago asked you out on a date— rather he declared it a date. That’s so much hotter, you think. Calming yourself, you thought that today would be the best opportunity to ask him everything that you wanted to know. 

How does he have so many tattoos? Did tattoo guns work underwater?

The most pressing question on your mind is asking him about his song. It must be the one you keep hearing in your dreams.

You see Noah’s head rise over the water in front of you and he stops ten feet away from the shore. “You came!”

“Noah!” Leaving your things behind, you walk into the water and slowly adjust to the new temperature. You make your way to him, having to step off of the coast’s shelf. You swim in place in front of Noah while the seafloor is probably over twelve feet beneath you at this point. “I’m not that confident that I’ll be able to keep up with you,” you admit.

“I told you I had a trick to help you out, didn’t I?” Noah reaches out towards your neck and caresses the soft skin. It tingles underneath his touch. He then brings his hand to the side of your face and his thumb pad rubs over your bottom lip.

Is he about to kiss—? Your thoughts are interrupted when you feel a tight sensation in your throat. “Noah, what are you—,” you croak.

“Shh,” Noah soothingly hushes you as he passes his thumbs over your eyes. “It’s okay. Come under the water with me. I’ve got you.”

You plug your nose and close your eyes as you shove yourself under the surface of the water. A foot under the surface Noah makes sure his presence is known by keeping a soothing hand on your hip. His voice speaks out to you through the water, startling you.

“What you’re feeling is your body coming to balance with the new abilities I’ve given you. Whenever you’re ready open your eyes and breathe. It’ll feel just like it does when you're on land… I promise you,” his fingers graze lightly over your skin, calming you.

His confidence in you gives you enough bravery to open one eye. He’s holding you so close and a grin grows on his face when he sees you slowly open up. You open your other eye after realizing you dont get the usual sting from the saltwater from having them open underwater for too long. It feels normal. Your eyes widen at Noah when your chest starts to burn from the absence of air. Feeling anxious, you lose the ability to control the wading of your arms and legs and begin to sink.

“Take one breath. It’ll be okay,” Noah pulls you against his chest by wrapping his arms around your waist. “Remember if you drown, I’m right here. I’ll save your life every day if I need to,” he whispers. 

Nodding vigorously at his words, you quickly suck in and blow out. A burst of bubbles spews from your mouth, but you feel fine— better now that you’re letting oxygen into your lungs.

“I can breathe under—,” You stop mid-sentence realizing you can hear yourself, too. 

Noah throws his head back and laughs; his hair flows through the water with his movement, “I just need to give you better swimming ability and we’ll be ready to go.” He lets go of your waist and dives towards your bare legs. He places his hands around your ankles and they feel the same tingly sensation as before. “Alright, let’s go,” Noah holds out a hand for you to take.

“Where are we going?” You ask while hesitantly taking his hand in yours. Noah begins to swim with you by his side and you’re able to kick your legs fast enough to meet his pace. 

“I’m going to show you around,” he smiles.

—

After a few hours of talking and swimming through Okinawa’s waters, you’ve gotten to do things you never imagined. Noah took you through the colorful reefs that are home to sea turtles and colorful fish, coral, and sea anemones, he brought you to meet a family of dolphins and you both held onto their dorsal fins swimming through the water, and you talked about where he lived and he promised he would show you soon. 

Right now, you follow closely behind him as he leads you along the sandy floor through a forest of seaweed that are as tall as trees back home. The sun glows through the ripples of the surface sending rays of light that adorn Noah’s skin. 

He stops at a wall of seaweed and smiles back at you before using his hands to spread apart the stalks. It opens up to a clearing in the forest with golden sands that sparkle under the high sun. In the middle of the clearing is a large, deep green blanket and as you swim closer to it you see it's woven from fibers of seaweed and other plants.

“I have nothing for you to eat, but I did set up this blanket for us while you were getting ready this morning,” he gives a sheepish smile as if he’s sorry he couldn’t give you more. “Kind of like a picnic.”

Taking a seat on the woven blanket, you run your fingers through the material. While it’s made of seaweed, its fibers feel satisfying to the touch and you can poke your fingers through each stitch. 

Noah rests beside you, lying back and supporting himself with his hands. He closes his eyes and basks in the midday sun that rains on you two.

“Can I ask you some questions?” You ask him curiously. “Like, about you being ningyo?”

“I was wondering when I was going to be interviewed,” he nods. “Ask me anything.” He still rests with his eyes closed, but his ears are open.

“Ok, so—,” you stop, realizing there’s an overwhelming number of things you could ask first. “You like to sing?”

He smiles, amused by your question. “Mhm,” he hums and opens his eyes to meet yours. “When I saved you last night, it seems like you know one of my songs.”

“So it is your song! It’s been stuck in my head. I think the place I’m staying is just close enough to your cove that I can hear you while I sleep,” you explain. “And it’s your song? Noah, does every ningyo sing?”

“My friends and I, that’s what we do. We make music, and I’ll usually write the lyrics. Not every ningyo sings, but we all have our own special talents,” he explains. Whenever he touches on the topics most close to him, you can feel his pride radiate off of him.

You start to hum the notes you’ve had in your head, by the time his voice reaches your condo you can’t hear words, just a mumbled tune. “Hmm, what are the lyrics to the one you’ve been practicing the past couple of nights?”

“The song is called ‘The Grey’. The part you’ve heard…,” he hums to himself and tilts his head back and forth trying to find the words. 

“Nobody left for me to talk to, nobody to call

Got everything I could want, but I still wanted more.”

“You should sing it,” you lean and nudge his shoulder.

“I don’t usually have a problem when it comes to practicing around my friends, and we do live performances too, but something about you makes me shy,” he admits. A tinge of a blush dances in his cheeks and nose. “You’re just gonna have to listen to the ningyo like everyone else.”

“Or, you can bring me to one of your live shows?” You ask excitedly.

Noah giggles and shakes his head, amused by your excitement. “You’re invited any time.”

Too bad I’ll only be here one more day, you think to yourself. “How much do you know about humans?” You ask, changing the subject.

“Oh, well, my best friend is human,” he shrugs his shoulders as if it’s not the most surprising thing you’ve heard him say all day. “So, I know a lot… Maybe, too much.”

A tinge of jealousy strikes your chest. Another human in his life that isn’t you. Someone found him before you did, you think. 

As if Noah is reading your mind, he smirks. “I met Nicholas when we were kids… He stumbled across my cove the same way you did and I was more brave with him than you because I introduced myself immediately. He’s my family,” he smiles and then gestures, holding up his wrist, “He’s also my tattoo artist. He has a portable machine and setup that he brings to the beach for when we have sessions.”

“You beat me to ask you about those next,” you smile with relief. “He’s been keeping your secret all these years?”

“Yeah,” he laughs but it sounds like a scoff. “Well, he was, but in the last few years since I’ve started to sing more he was the one that started a rumor about the ‘ningyo’. He says his neighbors love it. A lady who runs a bookstore and her sisters?” Noah breaks out into a fit of laughter and it tickles you to join him. 

“She’s the reason I knew about you,” you giggle pleasantly. 

“I’m glad my existence is entertaining,” he calms himself and reaches out to rest a hand on your thigh.

You gaze into his eyes for a beat before braving to ask, “So, do you have any other human friends I should know about?”

He smiles. “I don’t. My other friends are all like me,” he assures. “I would love for you to meet them, but for right now I just want to keep you all to myself. I hope that’s okay?”

“That’s perfect,” you scooch closer towards him until your knees are against the smooth scales of this tail. Noah is cold-blooded, but he still gives you goosebumps of warmth whenever he’s so close to touching you. “I have one more question to ask.”

“Go ahead,” he caresses up and down your thigh softly.

“Am I the first human girl you’ve taken on one of these dates?” You ask cautiously.

“You are the first girl I’ve brought into the ocean in general,” he admits. “Besides the cove and where I live, this is my sanctuary. It means a lot for me to share it with you.”

While you want to seem relaxed about his response, you still let out a relieved breath. He chuckles and leans into your shoulder.

“To be honest, you’re the only girl I’ve been intrigued with in a long time. When I first saw you come down the cliff and relax on the sand with a book in your hand, I knew you might be the one for me,” he smiles. “This clearing is where I read all of my books.”

“You have books in the ocean?” Your eyes widen at him and you tug on his bicep excitedly.

“Mhm,” his face glows each time you’re enamored by every new piece of information he shares about life below the surface. “I have a library at home. We have shelves, too,” he teases.

“Now, you have to show me,” you whine. “Please.”

“I’ll bring you home before you have to leave Japan,” his lips graze your shoulder with a kiss. “I’ve always wanted to find someone like you.”

Your heart flutters at his words. “I think you’re exactly who I was meant to find, too.”

His dark eyes match yours and a grin grows on his lips. These words are the only ones he’s wanted to hear come out of your mouth since the moment he laid eyes on you. 

“Noah, I’m not just in Japan to relax,” you begin to explain. “Home isn’t perfect as what I’ve found here. I’ve been searching for something new… Someone to love,” your gaze pulls away from him and you stare at the glistening sands of the clearing. “I want someone who will want me,” you pause but don’t dare look up to see his reaction. “I feel so stuck and ignored where I’m from. In my family, at work, every place that I should feel recognized and appreciated… It feels like I’m nothing.” you admit. A ghost of a hand tightens over your heart and squeezes. It hurts to talk about, but even with him, a stranger, it feels right.

“I’m not perfect,” he furrows his brow and runs a hand through his hair. “But, I can give you all of me if you let me.” Noah’s chest tightens too; he can’t bear the sight of your glossy eyes staring back at him so lonely. “I think I’ve felt similarly to you… I’ve been so bored of life. While I love to perform, I’ve felt so burnt out and in need of something new. It’s why I’ve been singing on my own at night; I’m trying to find what makes me feel excited again. I think you’re exactly who I need,” he explains. “I’m so sorry you feel that way about home. I would never make you feel inadequate,” Noah brushes a piece of hair being your hair. “I wish you could stay here with me.”

In Noah’s mind, he recounts the rumors under the sea of how you could stay. He’s been wanting to grant Ruffilo the same privileges, so everyone he loves can be with him at the same time. Noah chooses not to mention it, knowing that it could get both of your hopes up.

“I hate that I have to catch a flight soon,” you say softly. Allowing your feelings to come out as your next words, you whisper, “I don't want to fly away from you.”

You find yourself leaning into him while anticipating if he’ll reciprocate your movements. Your eyes switch between watching his own and his lips; his tongue darts out to lick his before leaning into you slowly.

He leans into you fully, but merely presses his forehead into yours. With his eyes shut tight, he huffs defeatedly, “I want to kiss you so badly, but you need to know that if I do… Something in me won't be able to let go of you.”

You pull away and attach your lips to his neck. He hums under the heat of your mouth and teeth on his jugular. Speaking into his ear you urge him to go forward, “I want it. Whatever it is. I need someone to hold onto me… Like I told you, it’s why I’m here.”

He leans back to meet your gaze. “Are you sure? No matter how I feel…I can’t just take you away from where you’re really from. You need to go home soon.”

Heat builds up in your cheeks and your eyes begin to well up, you bite your lip but allow your heavy emotions to come through your voice, “I would rather be with you, even for a few days more, than to have to return to the life I already know.” His eyes watch you intently, looking for confirmation that you’re telling your whole truth. “Even if this doesn’t work out, I want to know that I tried. I want to love again, Noah.”

His eyes widen in surprise. You would give up everything you knew for him, and he’s starting to realize that. “C’mere,” he brings his hands to your cheeks.

You eagerly pull yourself to your knees. “Please, kiss me,” you whisper while leaning into him once more. Noah pulls you into him and your lips meet him under the afternoon sunlight. “Mmm,” you hum under the soft press of his lips. You feel a pull from your chest towards him growing, almost supernaturally. It feels as if a string is reaching from your chest towards his heart to tie you two together. The golden glow you feel under your skin entices you to pull Noah in closer by tangling your fingers in the back of his hair and holding him by his cheek.

Noah hums and his hands leave your face to roam freely over your exposed skin. Through his passionate kiss, you feel his fingers grazing over your neck, shoulders, and lower towards your thighs. He doesn’t fight you when your tongue presses against his supple lips for entrance. He melds into you comfortably and allows his tongue to explore your mouth, as well.

You believe you’ll never get used to the tingly sensation he brings to you when he touches your skin, whether using magic or not. Being in this secluded clearing and having access to his cove, he has made you feel like the only girl in the world. With him, you sit in the eye of a hurricane and get to watch the world spin by without care if everything will be okay because you know it will be. Noah makes you feel safe and needed; he makes you know that your existence is important and he wants to be a part of it.

As you pull away from his kiss, the smile on his face and his pearled tooth make you melt in his arms.

Giddy in his grasp, you bite your lip, “Why do I feel like something is pulling me into you?” Pointing to the center spot between your breasts, “I feel like I could never lose you.”

“You won’t,” Noah assures. “Come to my place tomorrow night,” he pulls you to lie down on his chest on his blanket. You plan to spend the day away in his arms looking up a the rays of light dripping through the waves above you. “I’ll tell you then.”

—

After going home from your day with Noah, sleeping, and spending the majority of the next day away from him and the sea, you could still feel the same pull on him that you felt when you first kissed him. It felt as if the invisible string that grew from your chest was tethered to him even miles away at your Airbnb. Even when you close your eyes, you know the exact cardinal direction he is at any time. To your surprise, it didn't bother you one bit, because for once you didn't feel alone, and knowing he had the same tie to you, he was looking after where you were, as well.

It’s evening time and Noah planned for you to meet him on the shore of his cove; so you’re currently headed down the cove’s cliff to him. You’re wearing another bikini you packed with a pair of sandals.

He wanted to show you exactly where he lived and to explain the tether you felt towards him; you secretly hoped that he would do more than that, too. To feel pride in having kissed a merman is something you would never thought would be a truth in your life. Noah’s physically different to say the least, but damn does he make your knees weak.

Noah beams waiting for you with his head and shoulders above the dark water. Throwing your sandals to the side and walking towards the edge of the water, you admire his glazed skin under the bright moon. Under the moonlight, his tattoos are riddled with water droplets that shine. His hair is soaking wet as always, falling into into eyes and shaping his temples.

“My place is nearby,” he smirks and nods his head over your shoulder. “We have to dive underneath the island.”

“Dive?” You shift weight on your feet before swimming off into deeper water towards him. Noah is confident in you, but he sees the hesitance on your face.

“You’ve been a great swimmer so far keeping up with me. I know you can do this,” he holds out his hand for you to take, “Just hold onto me and you’ll be safe.”

You take his hand and interlock his fingers with his. “I trust you.”

“Right this way, beautiful,” he pulls you underneath the water and you start swimming over the side of the cove. Even with your tether, you watch the pearlescent strip on his tail closely to not lose him. It’s the brightest part of the entire ocean at this point of the evening. The sun was out when you were here last and Noah probably failed to mention that he has night vision.

Following closely behind him, you squeeze his hand as you two approach a deep cavern that’s carved into the base of the island. 

“Hold on tight to me,” Noah faces you and holds your chin. “We’re going to dive and then swim right back up. I live in an underwater cave, so you’ll be able to walk around and breathe normally once we’re inside, okay?”

“Okay, I got this,” you breathe out steadily and give him an assured smile.

“Hell yeah, you do,” he kisses your knuckles in his hand. “C’mon.”

The strength of Noah’s tail pushes you both deep through the cavern and it’s the first time you feel real pressure on your limbs— and the first time you feel you need to hold your breath. Noah watches over you, and his presence helps you calm your nervous heart and lungs. When he points upwards, you know to swim with him toward the surface and you do so eagerly.

You gasp for air as you reach the surface even knowing you don’t need to. However, the sight around you could make you gasp, too.

Noah comes up to the surface after you and shakes out his wet hair. His gaze falls onto your bewildered expression. “Y/N, are you alright?” Noah asks with worry in his voice. 

“Yeah—,” you answer, truthfully, but you can’t fully focus on his voice as you’re wading through the water of his cave looking around at his home. The room is sizeable with the pool of saltwater you’re in the center of. Noah’s shelves are carved out of the side of the cave and stuffed with books thick and thin. There’s enough room to walk around the pool, but also layers of rock that surround it. Either it’s the material of the rock or the deep teal waters reflecting off of them, but it seems as though the cave’s walls are glowing blue-green. Moonlight seeps in through an opening in the ceiling, but you see he’s set up groups of white pillar candles around the edge of the cave. 

“I borrowed a lighter and candles from Nick,” he chuckles watching your lips turn into an “o”. “It was a pain in the ass to dry them all out and it took all day, but I wanted it to feel more romantic than our picnic yesterday.”

Your neck snaps to Noah, “I loved our date. Thank you though, your place is gorgeous.” You wrap your hand around his bicep and kiss his shoulder for reassurance. 

He melts under your touch. “I did too. Go ahead and rest on the ledge,” he motions towards the side of the pool. “I’ll help you up.”

You swim over to the edge of the pool and turn to face him. You feel his arms wrap around under your butt and begin to lift up. 

“Oh,” a surprised noise falls from your lips as he picks you up with ease and lifts you onto the smooth, rock edge. He also failed to mention his super strength, you think. You cross your legs and rest against the smooth stone behind you admiring the way the flicker of the lit candles reflect off the dark pool of water your calves dangle in.

“There you go,” he smiles up at you and rests his hands on your knees.

Looking around some more, you realize his place is pretty empty. There are two instruments that are reminiscent of guitars leaning on the opposite wall. Other shelves along the walls have wooden boxes and trinkets displayed, but he doesn’t have a bedroom, bathroom, or a kitchen. “Where do you sleep, Noah?” You ask, looking down at him. 

“You’re wondering if I have a bed?” He shoots you a smooth wink and raises his eyebrows.

“Yes, but not like that,” you fluster. He was right though, the thought about how he sleeps and has sex does cross your mind. “It just seems like you don’t have a lot of things.”

“Everything you see is what I have,” he shrugs and water splashes over his shoulders. “I don’t need much.”

“What do you eat, then?” You tilt your head to the side, curious. Unknowing to you, you have just uncrossed your legs at the same time as asking this question.

Noah’s gaze darts from your face to in between your legs, which are at his eye level. He nearly chokes and you watch him try to control a cough. “Uhm, I eat a lot of different things. I just don’t have the need to cook anything.”

Shying away from whatever that reaction was, you move on to talk about what has been on your mind all day, “So, you said you would tell me about what’s going on here?” You tap on your chest with your pointer finger.

His eyes widen as if you’ve just given him permission to look at your breasts sitting nicely in your bikini top. Noah forces his primal thoughts away and blinks to refocus on your question. It’s important he tells you quickly or you won’t know what’s coming to you.

Noah caresses your skin around your thighs with his thumbs. Clearing his throat he begins to explain everything, “When I told you that if I kissed you that I wouldn't be able to let you go, I was being literal.” Noah’s eyes pass back and forth searching for any bit of negative reaction, but you give none. You just nod him on to continue. “Beings like me, when we reach a certain time in our life that we feel we need a companion, something within our DNA begins an instinctual ritual to find…,” he pauses again looking for your eyes to dart to the water wanting to leave or for you to fidget out of your seat, “a mate.” He wants to shut his eyes and disappear from your curious gaze, but luckily to him, a small smile paints itself on your face. “I think my time began a couple months ago— when I began to start feeling bored and burnt out with my normal life. My body and mind pushed me to find someone to make me feel belonging and excitement again, and I didn’t see anyone fitting my ideal mate— until I saw you on the sands of my cove.”

His head falls and you look down at him concernedly. He continues, “I need you to understand that being my mate would make you mine for life. I would be the one you must love; you wouldn’t have a choice.” You want to interrupt him, but all you do is lean and place a soothing hand on his cheek. Noah tilts his head toward your touch, “Right now, we have formed a tether from our kiss that binds our two hearts together.” Noah looks up at you finally, but your heart caves in on itself when you see his eyes, red and glossy. “The tether is permanent. Throughout our lifetimes, neither of us will ever forget where the other is as we’ll be able to feel each other’s presence, even across the world. However, Y/N, if you don’t want any more than that, I understand.”

Grabbing both sides of his face, you lean down to lock on his eyes with furrowed brows, “Noah, I would love nothing more than to spend the rest of my life with you.” The words seem crazy to you as you thought them over as he explained his culture, but hearing them come out of your mouth was a different story. You wanted to leave home and start anew; this is your chance to begin a life with someone that cared for all of you… Wanted you. “I think— I think your power over love is beautiful. Please know that I'm grateful for the gifts you’ve given me, including our tether. I want to be your mate.”

His hands come to the sides of your hips and his muscles flex when he pushes himself out of the water to meet his lips with yours. It’s a quick, soft, reassuring touch, nevertheless you feel your heart glow golden.

Back in the water, Noah uses his thumbs to rub away the redness and deep emotion in his eyes, but they still are slightly puffy. 

“I know I should believe you, but I need to ask if you’re sure? This isn’t a decision you can take back,” he reiterates.

“I’m sure,” you smile at him confidently. “So, do I marry you now? Say I do?” You chuckle under your breath and kick your feet in the water in front of him.

He laughs along with you and you notice the water behind him splashing. You imagine he’s kicking his tail in excitement, like a dog, at your answer. “We can get married and have a wedding,” he smiles up at you proudly, “If that is what you dream of. However, there’s a— different ritual that ningyo do in order to make a life mate relationship official.”

“What is it?” You tilt your head curiously.

Noah wants so badly to say the next word under his breath, but he has to be truthful to you, his soon to be mate. His wife. “Consummation,” he says assuredly.

Oh, okay! You think. You would’ve swam through a sunken ship to retrieve a ring or even fought a shark for him, but this ritual sounds much better. You never thought that you’d be mentally celebrating the opportunity to have sex with a merman, but it feels like fireworks are shooting off in your brain. 

Before you can react, he continues, “Y/N, since kissing you my body and mind have not been able to forget the way your skin feels on mine. I can’t get over the way you say my name. I just want— need you, primally. I’ve been acting strangely all day thinking about whether you would say yes to being my mate, and every time I imagined the words coming out of your mouth I— I needed to relieve myself,” he admits. A faint shade of pink blankets his cheeks. “So again, if you say no to this, I’ll under—,”

You interrupt him, “I want to have sex with you.” Very smooth. “I understand what I’m getting into and forever is okay with me. I want you.” The thought of Noah spilling into his fist several times today just because you kissed him makes your heart pound.

His eyes widen at your confidence. “I trust you, Y/N. I’ll make you mine,” he smiles proudly. “You should know that I’ve never had sex with a human before, though. All I know about female human anatomy is from what Nick has shown me in,” he catches your amused, hopeful expression, “— uhm, nevermind.”

You throw your head back and laugh, but realize he might feel insecure about his knowledge of your body, so you cover your mouth and chuckle to yourself silently. “Noah, have you watched human porn?” You whisper through your hand.

He scoffs and grabs underneath your thighs, tugging you to the edge of the pool. “Get over here,” his voice is assertive, but the warmth of his face hiding itself between your thighs tells you he feels otherwise.

“Mhm,” you hum teasingly. “What did you learn? I assume you watched it on something you borrowed from your friend?” You try to push him further. The sight of the big, strong ningyo crumbling between your legs fuels the aching fire in your core. 

“Put your legs over my shoulders and I’ll show you?” He asks while looking up at you with dark irises. His fingers come to the sides of your bikini bottoms and you lift yourself so he can pull them down off your legs. “I’m confident that I can please you in other ways, but I want to use my mouth— which is something I’ve never done before. Let me know if I’m making you feel good?” 

You nod and bite your lip while spreading your thighs and hooking your calves over each of his freckled shoulders. You didn’t expect to feel shy spreading yourself open for him, but Noah’s eyes are studying your form and his fingers are caressing your folds curiously.

The soft touch of his fingerpads explores the area around your entrance makes you shutter. Noah’s thumb finds your clit and begins kneading your bud intently. “Right there,” you praise him urging him on. One of his digits gathers your arousal from your entrance before pressing into you slowly. Little by little, you take on the length of his forefinger as he stretches you out for him while his thumbs continue circling your clit. “Noah, can I have more?”

“Of course,” he agrees adding his middle finger into you. He pumps into you purposefully; he curls his fingers upward and listens for the sweet sounds to come from you that help him make sure he’s hitting the spots you like best. Noah takes your chin in his empty hand and gives you a look of permission to move his mouth to where he wants it most. 

“Just don’t stop what you’re doing okay?” You nod and nibble your lip. Bringing your hands to your breasts, kneading and pinching your nipples over your bikini top, you’re eager to get off on his fingers. “Feels so good.”

Noah takes a second to ogle you, pleasing yourself, but since you’ve allowed him to duck his head between your thighs he’s there right afterward. He removes his thumb from your clit and replaces it with the suck of his lips. Like he’s been starving himself all day, his mouth and tongue move hungrily against your clit while he thrusts his fingers into your cunt in a focused rhythm. The sound of his lapping and the squelch of you on his fingers reverberates against the walls of the empty cave.

“Noah,” your hands reach for his hair and interlace with his dark, damp strands. “Fuck, you’re doing so well, baby.”

He groans between your legs and squeezes the outside of your thigh around his head with his empty hand.

When Noah described his primal urges, you had not understood the gravity of which it affects him. He needs this. He needs you. You believe that getting you off is an instinctual goal driving him to devour you with vigor. Squeezing your breast harshly, you anticipate how he’ll behave once he gets to thrust into you with his dick.

“I’m so close, Noah,” you choke out, “but I want to cum with you. Let me cum on your cock.” You plead to him, but he continues on with his movements; your announcement almost encourages him to continue moving his tongue and fingers in tandem. “Noah, please, I’m gonna— fuck, you’re so good at this.”

“Mmm,” he hums on your clit before pulling away. “Cum on my fingers. I’ll make you cum on my cocks, too, I promise,” he claims before returning to your clit encouraging your orgasm.

Before, your eyes sat half lidded as he fucks you up to his knuckles, but now they’re wide open. Cocks? Like, with an “s”?

“Shit,” the thought of your pussy stretched around all of him makes you come undone. Gripping the back of his head, you pull him in and hump his mouth eagerly.

“Good girl, use me,” he praises you against your skin. He allows you to squirm on his hand as you ride out your high. Your chest heaves under your hand as you lie back against the stone behind you. “Ready to come down?” Noah asks while pressing nurturing kisses along the insides of your thighs down to your knees. He softly unhooks your legs from his shoulders and places them over the ledge.

“Mhm,” is what you can muster as a response as you sit up slowly. While your brain is dazed, you still yearn to give all of yourself to him. Putting on a show for your soon-to-be mate, you undo the tie of your bikini top and drop each strap to the sides sensually. The top falls to your lap and you throw it over your shoulder into the slate cave wall. 

“H— Hold onto me,” Noah says distractedly. You take his shoulders under your palms and brace yourself for him to lift you off the stone ledge back into the pool. 

You expect to hiss at the cool temperature change, however, the heat of your arousal warms you and there’s no need to adjust to the Okinawan waters. Your skin, between your legs, your hands… Everywhere is hot with need for him. 

Holding onto Noah’s shoulder for support, you brush his damp hair back with your fingers. He melts into your touch and almost purrs with pleasure. Taking his chin between your fingers, you praise him again seeing how he wanes to your words. While being a powerful, fantastical being, he’s also reminded you how he is all yours. “Thank you for trying something new for me,” you tell him before pressing a passionate kiss to his lips.

He returns your kiss and wraps his arms around your torso snugly, pulling you into his. “You get to have everything you want,” he pulls away to kiss along your collarbone and up your neck, “now that you’re with me.”

As he kisses your neck, you feel the firm press of his pelvis against your upper thigh. You look down, but can’t see much through the obscured water, just the reflection of the moon through the ceiling and candlelight.

“Can I touch you?” You ask hesitantly while trailing your fingers along the velvety scales on his hip.

Noah takes your hand in his from his hip and guides into to about where a human man’s groin would be. His breath hitches as he helps wrap your smaller fingers around one of his members. “I know humans only have one. I don’t expect you to…” Noah pauses questioning his vocabulary, “Use both of them tonight.”

Excitedly and inquisitively, you explore his parts while watching his face twist and eyes roll back into his skull. Just from feeling, his cocks are stacked on top each other, vertically, with the lower one being larger than the human average size while the upper one is about one inch shorter. They seem to be prehensile having the ability to move freely in your palm, seeking your warmth. Twisting your hand up and down larger shaft, he’s wider at the base than the tip and much smoother than a human, besides the shallow, chevron ridges that line the bottom of the shafts. He feels so slick in your hand… His water-resistant precum coated himself as he went down on you.

He must have really enjoyed himself, you think. 

As you rub your thumb over his larger tip, you realize you’ve distracted yourself from the merman attached to it. He hisses under your touch before wrapping his arms underneath your ass and hoisting you up to wrap your legs around his hips.

“I need to be inside of you, so badly, it hurts,” he proclaims. “No more teasing.”

“I’m giving myself to you,” you whisper. “Please fuck me.” 

Noah bites his lip focusing on moving slowly regardless of his impulsions to buck up into you with force. With his large hands supporting you, he guides you down on his larger member. You feel it prod against your entrance moving itself up and down your slit.

“Fuck—”

“—yes,”

You two moan together as your pussy stretches around his cock while he lowers you. As he bottoms out on his flared base, you feel his other, smaller phallus rubs lazy figure-eights on your aching clit.

“That feels perfect,” you compliment. “Keep going.”

He leans in to attach his lips to yours and starts to bounce you on his cock. The saltwater moves around you in soft waves in response to your movements. With your hands wrapped around the back of his neck, he pulls you into his hips.

Noah continues to thrusts into you rhythmically while the sounds of your combined moans fill the empty cavern. “Look at you,” he smiles, his pearl tooth twinkling at your sultrily. “How do you feel?”

“So good,” you mumble as your eyes roll back. You wanted to say how you’ve never experienced sex like this before, but you’re head is so foggy you can’t get the words out. The way you feel is euphoric. You mentally wonder if there’s some magical element to his precum to make you feel like every thrust feels better than the last, but maybe you’re stereotyping him now. No way that could be the case, right? You think.

Setting you to bottom out on his cock, he stills his hands to start thrusting his hips normally. Every sensation he brings to your body drags you closer and closer to your end. The circling of his phallus on your clit, the needy humping of his hips into yours, and his soft lips on your neck and shoulders all exhilarate you at once.

“I’m gonna cum again,” you cry out in a whine. Your forehead meets his and you shut your eyes to focus on his touch. Your pussy pulses around his dick to take him for all he’s worth as you reach your climax.

“Fuck, me too,” Noah announces before shutting his eyes and groaning through his orgasm. You feel his cum glaze your walls and it feels different than you would expect… thick, cooling, and sticky.

You hold Noah close and come down from your second orgasm with him. He matches his breathing with yours. Looking between the both of your chests, a soft golden light shines for the first time through your skin before it dissipates to nothing.

Noah looks up from your chest with a grin. “You’re mine now. I— I love you already,” he proclaims with a kiss to your forehead.

“I love you, too,” you reply. Usually you would feel crazy for saying such words less than a week of knowing someone, but right now it feels so right. Resting your head on his shoulder, exhausted, Noah holds you close to his body. “Can I stay here for a while before we swim back up?”

“Of course, my love,” he nods and rubs soothing circles on your shoulder blades. “If you need to take a nap or anything… It’s okay. You can even pick out a book from my library, so I can read to you.” Even without looking up, you can feel the beam of his smile shining next to you.

—

NOAH’S POV

Y/N spent the majority of the night with me that night as we enjoyed having completed our mating ritual; I read to her as she rested on the edge of the pool and we chatted about our future together. 

She left the next morning needing to catch her flight to return home and she’s been away from me for two months. I can still feel all of her, though. I know exactly where she is, and my chest feels like it glowing when she happens to look in my direction.

Even with her gone, the past couple months I haven't spent alone, not just because of our tether, but because I’ve reconnected with my friends and with my love of music. I’ve been singing every day and writing new songs… Some of which are about her.

Besides music, only one other goal has been driving me to wake up every morning: finding a way that I can have my family, Nicholas and Y/N, to be here in the ocean with me whenever they like.

Following the rumors and pursuing every lead, I think I’ve finally found the magic I need and I can’t wait until she’s back in Japan for me to show her.

[the-roadkill-cafe]

hey, haven't seen you in a while, how's it going?

Hey, thanks for the ask!

Things have been....difficult, the past few years. In 2020, right before the world wide lock downs, I moved across the world. My flight was literally one of the last ones allowed into Japan. I had to transition to a new job while in quarantine, then a second transition to face to face work. As I have briefly mentioned ages ago on this blog, before I moved, I lived at home and I was my mother's primary caretaker. Among other things, she had some kind of early onset dementia, cyclic vomiting syndrome, and kidney disease. After I left, my brother and dad took over her care. In early 2022, she passed. If I'm being quite blunt, she passed because at this point of the pandemic, people were beginning to refuse to wear masks, to stay socially distanced, and to take other preventative measures such as air ventilation and filtration. There have been, and continue to be, reams of research on the topic of covid, and it has been handily ignored in the US by both individuals and institutions alike. The local hospital discharged her because she could "eat a cracker and not vomit it up", because they "needed the hospital beds for people who had covid", and because "she would last until her next appointment with her kidney doctor". My mom died of kidney failure and the resulting high blood toxicity, which was entirely preventable if only someone had bothered to adjust her medications and get her on dialysis. Yes, I am very bitter and angry and frustrated, especially with people who have the nerve to ask me why I still mask in public as if covid has magically gone away and is not the cause behind a mass disabling event across the globe. At the same time, I found that my job was...not what I had hoped for. It was only upon my departure that I found out it was breaking a number of labor laws in Japan and was highly exploitative of its employees, to the point that there is currently an ongoing court case and public scandal. No, I will not be going into detail here. It led to a great deal of disillusionment and burn out on my part. I returned to the US in April after four years abroad, and quite frankly I am unsure if I will ever return to Japan except for vacations. The only silver lining is upon explaining my situation in detail to trusted Japanese friends, they assured me that my situation was very unusual even for the country that literally has a word for "death from overwork". I am currently a substitute teacher while I debate next steps for my life. Unfortunately, this all meant that pretty much every aspect of my life has suffered in the past four years. I have not pursued most of my hobbies, while I was in Japan I only regularly talked to one of my friends, and my health (both physical and mental) declined. I am in the midst of trying to recover, and its only been within the last month that I've had the genuine desire to return to long form fic writing, as opposed to rp scribblings and spitballing I've been doing with friends in private. ....wow, this is all super depressing, haha. It's only when I look back that I realize how awful the last four years have been for me. There were bright spots, I promise, and I am looking forward to the next part of my life, whatever it might be. I've also spent this last summer making up for lost time in enjoying myself, and there's been a lot of joy in making plans for myself. But overall, this is the broad strokes of how I have been doing.

[lucymultistan]

BTS Masterlist

All of my recommended fics

ALL CREDIT GOES TO THE CREATORS! I HAVE NOT WROTE ANY OF THESE, MY BLOG WILL BE TAGGED IN MY BIO

Key: !=Smut  #=Fluff  $=Angst

Full Fics: 

Little do you know     !#$

Summary: In a world where idols and actors can’t date, whether it be because of contracts, lack of time, or the dangers that involve having your personal life leaked, the market opened up for a new work field. Playmate Agencies emerged to supply the entertainment world with highly trained companions for hire. Bangtan is looking for new playmates. And you just happen to be the one all of them choose. 

Recrudecence       !#$

It’s nearly easy as breathing (for six of them, at least) for BTS to pretend to be just like everyone else - humans with big dreams and aspirations. But one person brings the façade crashing to the ground and for some reason, they just can’t let her go. 

Time                !#$

Summary: Time. It's always passing by, always changing things that you wish stayed the same. It brought the good and it brought the bad, hell it brought the down right best time in your life. The best thing in your life came with time. It came with some stumbled steps, tough spots...it came with time.

Unorthodox        !#

Summary: You meet BTS on vacation and everything is awesome!

Sh.                !#$

SERIES SUMMARY Six months of quarantine have kept you apart. Somehow the distance sparks something new in each of you: questions, unfinished conversations, threads once chased now left cold. So when your roommate invites you to come with him to a mysterious house in the mountains with your friends, how could you even think of saying no? 

Eidolons             !#$

Summary: To live in an old manor in the middle of nowhere filled with historical, cultist, and most probably cursed relics for a year is part of the will your mysterious grandaunt bestowed onto you. It's all good until the seven men arrive, looking for a place to stay. Or so you've been told. But these men aren't actually guests; they've been in your attic for a lot longer than you think, waiting to be freed. The longer you spent time with them, the more you feel like you know them. And they seem to know you like the back of their hands, too. When you find yourself falling in love with not one, but all of them, you'll soon realize that the the truth can be painful to swallow and they will learn that freedom comes at a cost.

Relax, it's our honeymoon        !#

You and BTS are in a poly relationship, and have recently gotten married. It’s time for your honeymoon!  

To Build a Home              !#$

Summary: With the government's hydrid sector hot on your tails (no pun intended), you have less than a year to solve the problem before they're legally allowed to take you in as a lab rat. What you didn't anticipate was the addition of 6 new members of yours and Jin's happy duo. Luckily you both had enough love for 6 others. 

The Households Bunny             !#$

Summary: You were a cam girl and OnlyFans creator all the while you were a senior in college. A series of events leads you to be living with seven men under the same roof of one renovated motel. Entering the life of rich, and touch starved, men as a less than rich, but similarly touch starved, woman is bound to hold some shenanigans

The Gentlemen                          !#$

Summary:Sick of unsatisfying hookups, boring relationships or the company of your own hand? Apply today for the chance to be on bangasm.com’s very first reality show! Seven attractive young gentlemen will be vying for your choice of who is best in bed. All from different backgrounds, these men claim they’ll be able to rock your world, so don’t hesitate! Apply now!

Oh My Lucifer!                            !#$

Summary: In hopes of achieving a high mark in your final exam you're willing to give up anything, including your soul. However when your drunken joke of a ritual suddenly comes true, how do you even begin to explain your logic to the seven demon lords seated in front of you.

Void                !#$

Summary: You are the only female crew member on a 12 year space mission with seven handsome men. The sexual tension is real, y’all.

One-shots/ drabbles:

Alpha goes first          !!!!

Summary: Each pack has its own set of traditions and standards and as the newest omega in bangtan’s pack- you have more than a few things to learn. things come to a head when the youngest alpha tries to breed you before your pack alpha does. Seokjin doesn’t like that one bit.

The Kings bride              !!!!!!

Untitled            !#

Summary: In which Jimin, Taehyung, and Jungkook see your true colors.

[nukenai]

Trying not to go insane bc not only did I lose Barnaby last night, but I looked in my retf Mallow’s tank and there were just. ANTS EVERYWHERE. Not in any other enclosure, just hers. So I set up traps and had to fucking evacuate her to the tiny quarantine tank and i just. UGH. She’s completely fine, I thought I was going to have to strip all the semi-bioactive soil out in case ant bait got in it, but turns out the stuff really can’t hurt frogs. What a relief.

Trying to think happy thoughts like how I was at my friends’ house yesterday, telling them about the Starcruiser, and the look of utter wonder on my friend April’s face as she listened to me and was like I WANNA GO. I WANNA GO TO DISNEY. THAT SOUNDS LIKE THE COOLEST SHIT EVER.

My dad is going to try to retire this year and stay mostly in his condo down in florida, can’t fucking blame him. But he really wants to go to Batuu because he loves Star Wars, so my sister and I are trying to coordinate something where we all go together. I probably won’t need to take a week long disney vacation next year again LOL, but I may just go down for a weekend or something just to hit Batuu with my family and go lick Tomorrowland or something.

I’m such a weird Disney Enjoyer because I like rides, they’re super fun to go on, but I’m like, totally cool if I don’t get to ride them if I have before. It’s just like an “oh sure” kind of thing, and if who I’m with wants to go, of course I will too! I just kinda like being there and buying shit and eating food and licking Tomorrowland y’know. I’m a simple lady. I spent the most money in the Starcruiser gift shop because I bought a crazy fucking silver bracelet that was expensive. But other than that I bought mostly pins and gifts for other people? I think the most expensive non-Halcyon single item I bought was my $30 Space Mountain model kit that I will build someday. I wanted to paint it fun holographic colors or something...

Anyways. Today was really bad and stressful and I’m just making sure poor Mallow is okay before I TRY TO FUCKING GO TO BED. This morning I had to get up early and go to THE FARM because the vet came and NO ONE CAN EVER CATCH MY HORSES I GUESS.

Sob. I am so tired.

[abroadlifeactually]

Its a Vibe (Free of Ghosts)

Over the last several years my birthday has been a week-long celebration. My 30th was spent relaxing on a beach and partying in Aruba with my best friend, which ushered in the trend to always do something lavish for my birthday. I maintained this tradition with vacations and spa treatments over the years. However, things started to change when I turned 40. One, I was pregnant, and two, it was during the covid years, thus severely altering how I could celebrate.  Last year we took a trip to the Philippines as a 40th redux, and to give me much needed R&R since our move abroad earlier that year was pretty rough. It was an amazing trip, but it wasn’t the “all about me” birthday vacation I had gotten used to. Sunbeam had just started to ween off breastfeeding, so I was pumping for relief and doing my best to maintain her schedule while we were away. On our return home Sunbeam got sick in the airport leaving us quarantined in a tiny hospital room for 2 days with all our luggage, no wifi, cell phone service, or drinking water, and a toilet leaking all over the floor. But that’s a story for another time. 

This past birthday the realization set in that the old days of sipping champagne all day aren’t returning; but it’s okay because my life is evolving, and change is a natural part of growth. At first I felt the need to cling to my old bday tradition to hold on to my “bad b*tch” aesthetic. Being able to splurge on myself and luxuriate for several days made me confident and independent. However, now I’m in a place where trying to uphold those traditions along with my new responsibilities is much harder. It’s not impossible, but definitely requires a lot more effort and planning, which can feel like a lot.

So what does a good birthday look like now? Earlier this year we took a family vacation to the Maldives, and were planning a visit back west around the holidays, so traveling was not an option. I thought about what brings me joy now, as a woman with a family. Hearing the happy squeals of my child brings me life, so I opted to bring Sunbeam to an indoor play gym in the morning, since she’s still a little too young to really enjoy Disney.  We had the place to ourselves. Later that evening, my husband arranged for our nanny to come so we could enjoy the evening out. He planned a beautiful evening. We ate a 6 course meal in a private room at the top of a building with a breathtaking view of the city. I was all dressed up and felt beautiful. I thoroughly enjoyed spending the day with my family.

As my life continues to evolve, my birthday celebration has to take other factors into account. This encouraged me to reexamine my perspective on what makes my birthday meaningful, and embrace what comes with evolution. I’m grateful for the way my life is progressing and all the new experiences it brings, which makes these changes all the more welcome.

Now on another note….this birthday also indicated that an ex situationship has FINALLY moved on. I met my husband back in 2016, and with any new relationship it may take some time for ex lingerers to officially cut ties. But when I was done or over a person, I would totally disappear, they’d never hear from me again.  So when Hubby and I met, I may have gotten a rogue text here or there, but for the most part we just moved forward uninterrupted.

But there was one. An ex? Not sure you could call him that, it really never got that serious, so I’ll just say someone I dated briefly. This person would send happy birthday texts every year to no response. This shockingly went on for 6 YEARS. There were no other messages exchanged in between, because we weren’t in contact. But every year without fail I’d get a random text filled with bitmoji. One year the text came with 6 different Bitmojis…. I thought about responding a few times just to say I’m married, or I’m married and pregnant, or I’m married with a kid and don’t even live in the country anymore. But I couldn’t figure out how to bring that up with a happy birthday text, and also didn’t feel conversing, so opted for cold silence instead.

These messages were especially surprising because he was the “i’m so busy” type. He made it very clear he was suuuper busy with all of his goals, so he needed to be focused. He was the type that presented as if he had it all figured out, while he questioned my ambition. The reality was, we just had different goals. But somewhere between my mid twenties and early thirties I fully accepted that I wasn’t going to be everyone’s cup of tea, which allowed me to stay grounded and not take negative things men said to me seriously. It was usually them, and not me. I’m not claiming to be perfect, but I stand by that assessment. I also didn’t try to change anyone’s mind, so when our communication gradually faded, it was all good. 

At first, the birthday messages made sense, right?  We were cool, there were no hard feelings. So the first time I got a text after all communication completely stopped I responded “wow, I can’t believe you remembered, thank you”. The following year, “thank you!!!” But in 2018 I decided, I wasn’t going to respond anymore messages, to send the message, MOVE ON. But he continued, he sent birthday texts year after year, to no response. I was slightly amused, but more so confused. Like, what was the reason!?!  We weren’t friends. I’ll never know what his motivations were, but for the first time in seven years the birthday texts finally stopped. I think he’s finally got the hint and moved on, good for him.

[emergentrelationshipcenter]

If You Are Doing Fine, Why Does Your Relationship Seem To Be A Pressure Cooker?

“I don’t want to bother you.” “I am sure that you are tired of hearing it.” “My story is too long and it’s too much to explain.”

These are all thoughts that people have when they are asked how they are doing and say they are “fine.” In my last blog post titled, “Not Everyone Is Fine During The Quarantine”, I wrote about the research that was conducted regarding Covid-19.

Since that last article, the nation has been facing political unrest and division. Not everyone is fine. So again, I am asking, why is everyone saying they are fine? I am concerned about so many things right now. One of my concerns is how folks in relationships are handling things.

I have been thinking about the impending consequences of the disaster we are experiencing. Whether we like to think about it or not, the aftermath of the pandemic is going to be momentous.

I saw the statistics in places that were hit before Covid-19 appeared locally, and their divorce rates are at a record high. People who were avoiding dealing with their relationship issues got pushed too far.

It’s like going on a vacation with someone you don’t really like. By the time you get back, you cannot stand the person and you can’t wait to get home, and then you don’t talk again or wait a few weeks or months. Except this is the person you live with, have children together, or at least have a lot of ties together.

So why do couples wait to seek couple counseling? And what is going to happen to their relationship?

Couples wait an average of 6 years to seek help for their relationship issue. That’s a long wait, but what if they don’t make it 6 years? My guess is that the quarantine is like a pressure cooker. Think about this for a minute: the average couple waits 6 years to get counseling help and many don’t even last 6 years. What will happen if we increase the pain?

We use a pressure cooker to make our food faster. Thanks to pressure, it cooks food in an estimated third of the usual cooking time. A struggling relationship, under normal circumstances, might be able to withstand the heat of waiting, but add in this current disaster and the consequences are sure to add much more. It’s a giant pressure cooker!

Couples often wait because they hope their relationship will get better on its own. They hope that their partner will arise from their hurtful behavior and see the error of their ways. The problem is that neither you nor your partner can see how this whole painful process started.

While you are waiting, more resentments are being collected, requiring more time spent healing from past hurts.

I can imagine that many people don’t think that someone else could help. Lord knows they have tried really hard on their own. I get that.

One thing I would remind you of is that therapy is something different, something you may not have tried yet. The couples therapy experience I offer is truly different from other relationship counseling experiences because it’s a relationship intensive that helps you get results quickly.

There is a famous saying: “If you always do what you’ve always done, you’ll always get what you’ve always got.” — Henry Ford

I have been through hell and back in my own relationship and I really get the problem that most couples are facing. I can help you and your partner paint a picture of what you really want to create and then start taking steps to get there right way. If you want to make a powerful change in your relationship or marriage, do something that is really difficult. Look an angry partner or spouse in the eye and tell them you want to make a change.

Why don’t you reach out and get a guide, someone who can help you find out where you got lost and give you a road map? Don’t wait a moment longer. Get the therapy help you deserve. Click here to schedule with me. I even offer telehealth couples therapy or counseling online. Let’s create the relationship that offers the mutual support and understanding you are looking for.

[urgunnamissmebymytaco]

When I was younger, my dad and I used to drive to my nana's house together and play a "game." She lives 2 and a half hours away by car in a farming area and half of the drive there is back roads and houses partly hidden by orchards and fields, so my dad and I would look out the car windows and pick houses we'd think would be good to hunker down in in case of a zombie apocalypse.

Did the property have a good fence? Had fields with food already in it nearby? Was it two stories or one? Have a lot of windows? Have a lot of property? Clear sights? All things we'd look for.

And when I started being able to drive, I would just play the game by myself randomly wherever I was. In my hometown, in my college town, while on vacation. Solid game, to be honest, highly recommend if you like zombies.

Well when the covid pandemic hit, I was living and working in Prague. Airports started shutting down, flights were cancelled and the ones that weren't shot up in price. The US was basically on fire and the Czech Republic was doing a lot better at the time so I was staying put. But Prague had a strong quarantine going on. We couldn't leave our apartments and for like a week, there was no work while companies scrambled to figure out how to keep things going from home. So for a week I was just stuck in my apartment trying to keep my anxiety from spiraling. And it hit me.

If this was a zombie apocalypse instead what would I do? Try to get home obviously. But the airports are out. Okay, try to go through the sea. Which country though? Poland? Germany? Italy? Croatia? Which has more ports? More things that ship to the US? What if the ports are a nightmare because a lot of people are trying to escape to the ocean? How would I get to California from eastern Europe? By land? Go through Russia and trying to cross the bering strait ? Make my way down Alaska and then Canada and then two and a half states?

And then I realized that this would make such a good book for me. Like I would read the fuck out of this. And I have it vaguely plotted in my head. But I also actually want to try this in real life, the journey, see if it's evenly possible. How long would it take? What supplies would I need? And its a little different in a functioning world but I want to try it so damn bad, writing the book as I go along because I can write about Prague and Italy since I've spent a lot of time there, but very little about anywhere else in Europe.

But I after like 3 months of quarantine in Czechia I was finally able to fly home and I've been living in the US ever since.

A continental trip during the zombie apocalypse would just slap and I am both desperate to write it and to read it.

[genuinenoprize]

covid is not going anywhere ma'am, nobody is going to put their lives on hold for the rest of their lives. i spent three entire years not doing anything, not going anywhere besides work and home, and i wanted to die the whole time. we are way way past the point of being able to eradicate this because so many people don't care. working a job with a lot of people younger than me made me realize that these kids just do not care if they kill someone or not. I am the ONLY person who works there who still wears a mask everyday and uses gloves to make the food. it makes me sick to my stomach, but I can't just never do anything I want to do ever again because of these people. I do frequent covid testing and if I ever contract covid at a concert, I will just immediately quarantine myself and no one else will get sick. but I'm not gonna be miserable for the rest of my life waiting for assholes to care about other people, it's not ever going to happen. and I am immunocompromised btw. sorry if this came off as rude, wasn't my intention. I just think it's an important conversation to have. the people going to two concerts a year are not your enemy, it's the people that go out every single night partying without being vaccinated, without covid testing beforehand, the people not wearing masks, it's the people that don't care. that's your enemy, not the overworked poor people just trying to find some joy in life before their disabilities get so bad they won't be able to anymore. I hope you have a great day, and please be safe out there we need to keep people like you around. sidenote: you're really pretty ❤

Thank you, I was mostly venting on that post because concerts and especially conventions seem like parties to me since I constantly hear stories of otherwise responsible people going to one, catching it, and saying "I'm not sure where I got it". (this post gets personal and heavy below, feel free to skip)

For my part, I spent over 20 years living in my room under my parents in functional quarantine, and then moved out when an Actual quarantine started. Let me tell you it is not easier when it's your entire life. Like the suicidal ideation of growing up has been replaced with constant threats from people who couldn't be damned to wash their hands occasionally or read the news once every couple of years.

It feels like those truly reckless, selfless, arrogant assholes who pretend like covid "is over" or never happened as an excuse to ignore any responsibility or safety have taken part of my future from me. So, I'm touchy about this.

Though in retrospect the most frustrating part for me was hearing people talk during the very beginning, when no one knew how long things would last. Parents saying "Oh my gosh am I going to have to spend a whole 3 months with my child!? Shoot me!". People bemoaning how they couldn't possibly go a whole 6 months without sex. "How do you even spend that much time when you're at home?" "But what about my Disneyland annual pass?". From the word go it felt like people were screaming that they couldn't possibly handle the authoritarian punishment of,,, one of Skye's summer vacations.

It was hard not to feel bitter, not at the opportunities I've lost because I never really felt like I had them. It was hard not to feel bitter at others for having unrecognizably different lives and seemingly scoffing at the idea that they might have to live like I did, even for a little while. Maybe the most frustrating part of hearing those comments was admitting to myself that, by their standard, my life had been a waste up until that point. That my "normal childhood" really was just one long traumatic incident.

At the time I felt smugly superior because all these people were announcing they couldn't handle my hardships but now? I'm mostly burnt out. I occasionally find that fire when someone is being truly reckless in public but, most of the time I'm just exhausted. Probably from long covid, because I was stupid enough to go christmas shopping for my wife.

I am trying to do better, both to myself and others. But it's hard knowing that some people would watch us die just to avoid an inconvenience. Not to mention, since I'm trans, I'm sure some of them would cheer.

Trying to go on after facing that has been a process for me.

All this to say, I appreciate your message, and I hope you have a great day too.

[rgrp01]

My Lived Momentus: Fors And Againsts (A Kabataan Essay)

On the 14th of March in the year 2020, I remember enjoying the last hours of my school. I was in grade 9 at that time. Hugs and tears were exchanged between my fellow peers as some will probably not see each other again and even in a long time. At that time, COVID came around all over the world. It was seen all over the news and social media about this virus that spread throughout China and how it arrived in our country.

It was shocking news for me. A virus? How come it appeared so suddenly and affected so many people at once? It was my first few thoughts as I was newly introduced to the news. The government issued a statement that a lockdown will be implemented and as far as I remember, it was by the end of March. At that time, I didn’t pay much attention to it. I only wanted to enjoy the last days of my school and enjoy my time with my friends. So I did enjoy my time, we went on for a swim as well as laughed and talked with food being delivered from McDonald's, it felt so euphoric to be with the ones you feel close with- with the ones you trust.

Although it was the last day, I didn’t cry. I felt satisfied to spend one last time with my dear friends even though I was not certain when we would see each other again. I hugged each one of them tightly and I remember thinking how thankful I was to meet these people who were accepting, understanding, and supportive. I was with them ever since the start of my junior year, they are the ones who truly knew who I was. I was also friends with everyone in my class and it was the greatest year ever for me that I have experienced in my entire life. 

As I was going home together with a friend, we hugged and whispered to each other how we would miss one another. I felt sad and at the same time happy that I got the opportunity to spend time with them without even knowing the future. I have learned a lot in that year although it wasn’t easy, it was very enjoyable for me. It was very memorable for me as everyday was filled with laughter and telling each other stories. The best batch that I have been included in and it’s one of the greatest blessings in my life.

I spent the months of my summer vacation doing nothing. Honestly, I didn't even remember what I did. I vaguely remember always taking pictures of myself under the setting sun with glittering makeup on my face. I wanted to look pretty and take a decent picture to post on my social media. I tried exercising but I was not consistent enough.

All those months felt like a daydream, no one was allowed outside. We were basically stuck at home and being minors and not having a quarantine pass, the only thing we are allowed to do is stay at home. Everyday I scroll through my phone, checking for the latest news around the world especially with the virus. The spread of the virus began to worsen and soon many were infected. I could not believe how dangerous this virus is as we can be infected without even knowing about it.

Face masks were required and a full body disinfection was a must when coming home. I didn't really do anything that would make my life exciting. The only thing that kept me happy was online shopping. Everything that I saw on my screen I immediately added to my cart. It’s funny how the pandemic made me a shopaholic. 

Besides being on my phone all day, I also cleaned our house. I swept the floor, mopped the tiles clean, wiped vases and ornaments, and many more. It is my weekly routine to clean every saturday. Cleaning the house during the pandemic gave me the feeling of peace as it took my mind away from things that I didn’t want to think of. Even though it was a boring summer, I was happy with the free time that I could get. After the months of vacation, it took a long while to be back in school but instead of being in a classroom, I was behind a screen.

Online classes were implemented at that time as a new learning module for the students due to the pandemic. Many were familiar faces and some were newly transferred to my school.  It felt new and weird, to be learning behind a screen. I find it very difficult to focus on my classes, a lot of things kept me distracted which affected my overall performance in my classes. It was hard for me to learn and adjust as well as keeping up with the class and trying to pass my activities on time.

Eventually I fell into depression, having trouble taking care of myself as well as trying to focus in school. I was also going through something with a problem at that time, it added to the stress and extreme sadness I felt. I cried and cried everyday, it didn’t get easy immediately for me. The only person who was there for me was an online friend that I trust so much even until to this day. She became the comfort and support when I needed it the most, a very important person in my life. 

After a few months, a family problem arose. My own father was cheating again and he was caught by my step mother. My family is broken and I never really grew up all happy, exactly how a child should be like. My childhood was not great as my half-brothers and step mother didn’t like me at that time but as I grew older, I understood why and how they felt. It wasn’t their fault that I suddenly came into their life as my dad took me away from my biological mother as she was neglecting me and my sister.

It was a rough experience along the way and although my father brought tears and hurt to our family, I still love him. He became what a father should be and he supported me and my sister to have a better education and a good life. My father does not ask for much as long as we know how to take care of ourselves and not be reckless. I am still thankful for everything in life and I consider myself as lucky. Life is difficult and there are always challenges along the way but as long as I believe in myself, I know that I can surpass it.

Grade 11 soon came and yet again another year of online learning. I already have gotten used to how online learning works and I managed to adjust just fine at the beginning. It wasn't as bad as I thought it would be as I was anxious over the fact that I would not be with the people that I was with in my junior high school years. It felt so different for me and I wasn’t used to it. I eventually became familiar with my classmates and we also have shared moments together even though it is behind a screen.

After that, I have seen some of my classmates in real life and even had a sleepover with the ones I was close with by the end of our 11th year. It was a nice bonding experience to be able to get close to unfamiliar people. I am a sociable person but I do have anxiety most of the time when interacting with people. I think the pandemic made me this way, someone who did not want to interact with people anymore and communicate with them. I was enclosed in our home for 9 months and did not see new people and that’s how my social anxiety developed and even maybe became touch deprived hehe. 

Over the months that COVID had gotten worse, I saw a lot of people on the news declared as dead as well as a whole lot of families being infected. It broke my heart and I became scared for my family. My father was often outside the house working and he became mildly infected one time which thankfully was not that serious. Every time someone gets sick inside the house, we would be confined in one room to ensure our own safety in health. COVID-19 is serious and I am thankful to the Lord for protecting my family.

At the start of my 12th grade, I was not able to attend the first few weeks of school due to mild covid and being enrolled late as well. This time and this year, it was a hybrid learning. I felt afraid of what it would be like in real life to learn and interact with people as I got used to online learning. I soon became friends with a few seatmates and I also saw familiar faces, it made me feel relieved. Overall, face-to face classes were not a hassle except for waking up early in the morning to get ready.

I titled my Kabataan Essay as My Lived Momentus: Fors And Againsts as it relates to my experiences in life. Fors means the pros in my life that occurred to me while in a pandemic. I learned a lot even though I was confined in home, I also learned how to accept and love myself. For the Againsts, it is the cons that I have gone through which includes trauma and depression. I would not say that my pandemic time was a happy one but certainly it was also not a sad one, it is part of the process while growing up to learn and forgive yourself. 

[itmightbemikey]

So yeah I'm becoming increasingly convinced I am actually living in some sort of horror story.

Okay, so, late last March I am up at like 3 AM like pretty much everyone was around then because time had just become utterly meaningless in that first month of Quarantine, just sort of pacing around my apartment like you do you are stuck in quarantine and it is 3 AM. Look out my front window, and across the street a couple houses down I see this:

Just, a big ol' cross of big red lights, just lighting up a porch.

At 3 AM.

Totally not ominous or anything like that.

I hopped on to Nextdoor to see if anyone had commented on the cross or explained it or wtf was going on, and, hidden among the 'found pet' and 'missing pet' and 'oh no a person in a hoodie walked somewhere in the general vicinity of my house plz be safe everyone' posts, there was this message, presented in it's entirety:

I have no idea what the reunion area is, I'm sure it's a charming place for... reunions, I guess, but, timing sure is a thing.

Anyway. Red Cross. It's just there, and as far as I can tell it's lit up 24/7, just there, outside my front window. Being an ominous cross glowing a bright red. Some peeps on Discord suggest that maybe it's just some sort of Easter decoration they had put up, and while that's not exactly a normal thing it at least sounds reasonable, so I just roll with that theory. Some people just be weird like that.

Anyway here's a pic I took in September.

Yeeeeeeeep. It's still there 5 months later. And it would remaion there until the end of November, when it finally goes away and is replaced with some sloppily thrown up christmas lights.

Though when the cross disappeared is also when my upstairs neighbor also just up and vanished too?

Like I don't have an exact timeframe on that, I just kind of noticed his van was no longer around. And then mid December a cop shows up at the building's front door, asking for him or if I'd seen him, because they found his van. It had seemingly been abandoned in a parking lot at the county event center outside of town, and they were trying to get a hold of him before it was impounded. Told them I hadn't seen him in a couple weeks, cop left to do other cop things, and I just kinda... sat with that for a while, because there really wasn't anything I could do beyond telling the cops "yo I haven't seen this guy for a while".

The Polar Vortex. My apartment was absolutely frigid, it couldn't get above 50, but my furnace was working and putting out heat. No idea where I was losing the heat, couldn't find any significant drafts that hadn't been there in previous years. So I trudge down to the Ace Hardware to get a space heater, pick up this tiny little personal desktop heater because it was literally all they had left other than the giant fuck-off propane heat cannons designed for heating warehouses or construction sites, and walking back up to my apartment building I look upstairs and see

The windows are wide open. All of them. In fucking February. And, since there's still been no sign of the upstairs neighbor, that means that they've been opened since late November, early December.

So my gas bill for Dec-Feb is an absolute fucking nightmare but that's besidses the point.

Skip forward to this week. Wednesday the landlord shows up, asking if I had any leaks in my apartment, there had been water leaking into and pooling in the basement. I tell them no, but mention that I think the guy upstairs from me hasn't been in his place since begining of december and the windows have been opened, maybe a pipe burst up there, to which the landlord looked.. confused and concerned at this. Which was a bit odd, because I'd figure the lack of rent checks after 3 months would have been noticeable, but maybe there were advance payments, who knows.

Anyway, landlord and his contractor got in and also called the police, they didn't find anybody up there (as well as no reports of him showing up in area hospitals), but they found the source of the leak. His toilet had been clogged and continually overflowing.

For Three Months.

Hey at least I know exactly why part of my bathroom ceiling had collapsed a month earlier. (I had reported it to the property management company but they apparently never forwarded the message to my landlord).

But hey, the windows are closed now at least, and the leak fixed. Anyway, the next day, I step out to pick up a package that had been delivered, and upstairs I hear a tap.... tap.... tap.... tap.... and sigh, thinking "Oh boy, what the fuck is leaking NOW." So, I head up the stairs to see if I could find it. I round the corner in the stairwell, start heading up the second stretch of stairs, when up over the banister pops someone wearing a full-on Gas Mask.

I certainly wasn't expecting that.

Turns out it was my other upstairs neighbor, she was sorting through some containers filled with items damaged in a house fire and was wearing the gas mask so as to not have the ash irritate her lungs, which she has issues with, and it was the respirators on the gas mask that was making the tapping sound. Anyway, we get to talking, she asks me if I know what's going on with the guy in the apartment next to hers, and I tell her the stuff I know, the cop, the landlord, the toilet, etc. And she tells me that around late November, she had started noticing a bad smell up there, but then one night shortly after she noticed the smell she heard a lot of stomping around and a loud ruckus in there, and it was after that that she too noticed the windows had been opened and that the shared wall between apartments had gotten ice cold.

Aaaand that's where I'm at right now. 10 ft below all of that. Just... living with all that information in my head. Had I mentioned that I'm on three different medications for anxiety? I'm on three different medications for anxiety, and I have all of that in my head. It's fine. I'm fine. It's Fine.

Anyway, if some of the worst stuff that's just circling around my brain meat comes to pass, well, I do have a way to defend myself. Because I got this nifty-ass corroded to all fuck Pipe Wrench that just so happened to fall out of my bathroom ceiling in January!

It's Fiiiiiiine.

[arrowpunk]

Met a Rich Kid(tm) today I don't think I will ever be able to forget the interactions I have with him

[spikybanana]

this is mush, and a bit of a shameless self-reference final part of the jegulily week series! 2 weeks after the week's ended! [masterpost here] [prompts here] prompt: joy

@jegulily-stuff this is for you, thank you so so much for having followed along, and for being such an awesome wholesome blog! hope you like this final bit <3<3<3

It’s a crisply sunny afternoon that fell rapidly towards golden hour. James didn't much mind the short days. It meant cozying together by the fire, or cuddling in the garden under blankets and warming charms, sipping hot chocolate and stargazing with both Lily and Regulus in his arms. ‘Tis the season, after all, of the leaves making an oil paint canvas of their garden, of the riotous colours matching Lily’s own brightness, even bringing out Regulus’ soft side. 

And this particular golden afternoon saw James on both his knees, both hands held out with matching velvet boxes, as he squinted up into the sun at Regulus and Lily. He was entirely heedless of the grass stains seeping into his pale jeans, he grinned until his jaws ached, and his heart raced so much it felt close to bursting with all the joy.

They were having a bit of a lavish garden party for three, if only for the sake of making the most out of their sudden vacation-via-quarantine. Except, that’s what the other two thought. James, however, had plans. The rings, the speech, down to the particular minute when the sun would fall on them from between the beech trees on the garden's edge— and not to mention all the time he spent practising opening and holding out two delicate little boxes at once! James deeply hoped the effect was endearingly bold rather than plain silly, but going by the way Lily and Regulus had been holding back laughs all through his speech, he thought the antics worked in his favour. 

Regulus gave in then, threw his head back and laughed out loud, the sound still making James’ heart skip a beat like the first time he heard it. Reg had a hand over his eyes James thought he might be surreptitiously wiping away a tear.

“Well?” James shifted on his knees, prompting for an answer.

“I can’t believe you actually did this.” Regulus looked back down at him, his hand sliding down to his mouth. And there were definitely tears in his eyes.

“James,” Lily let out a watery chuckle herself, “I can’t take you seriously like this.” 

“I think that means yes?”

Regulus and Lily shared another glance, and laughs bubbled out of them again.

“Yes, of course, yes, you idiot.”

“Brilliant!” James didn’t think he could grin wider. But the show wasn’t over, he couldn’t lose his head yet: despite how nervous he was, he managed to pinch the two rings, one in each hand, out of the little boxes, and shuffled forward on the grass. Lily and Regulus watched with exasperated delight, as they both held their left hands out. 

As James slowly, carefully inched both silver bands onto their ring fingers, Regulus’s free arm went around Lily’s waist, and their hands intertwined over her belly. Regulus flashed her a significant smile, Lily rolled her eyes, and they shared a short kiss. The sight nearly brought tears to James' eyes, too. Rings newly settled, they pulled a flabbergasted James to his feet (finally), and they immediately fell into a fierce, sweet embrace. 

“Be honest, love,” Regulus began saying, “how much time did you spend practising with the rings?”

“Too long,” James barked a laugh, “but every minute was worth it.”

“And how much of that speech was written by my brother?”

“Excuse me? Sirius would hardly pull his own speech together!” 

“Or let me ask,” Lily chimed in, “how much of it was written by Remus?”

“Er.” James mumbled sheepishly. Despite how much he theatrically serenaded them on the daily, things like this were intimidating. “Maybe a third. I rewrote everything myself though!”

“Oh James.” Lily pulled back far enough to drop a kiss on his cheek, and Regulus mirrored the move on James’ other side. “We love you,” they both whispered.

“I love you.” James retorted, “so so much.”

Can a person really hold so much happiness? James was breathless and floating with it. The future was uncertain, he knew, the war wasn’t over, but they've played their part, and all that mattered now was to stay safe, stay together. And he couldn’t help believing that this future, the one he held in his hands with Lily and Regulus and the promises and a baby on the way, must be a joyful one. It's with unfaltering laughter and loving jibes that all three crowded back into the warmth of their house— their house! A space of their own! Just the three of them— and soon to be four! Here, they’ve already collected months’ worth of happy moments, and now, James thought, it’s ready to carry a lifetime’s more. 

-

the end.

[geminixevans-stan]

Best Friend

Pairing: Chris Evans x Black Reader

Words: 2,095

Summary: You and Chris have been friends for years. There was nothing that you didn’t know about each. Quarantine has a way of putting people together in so many ways. Let’s see what will transpire between you two.

Warnings: 18 + Minors DNI Fluff, a small pinch of angst, fingering, and squirting

A/N: Been in a little downward spiral and wanted a little fluff mixed with a small amount of smut. I hope you all enjoy it and if it helps you in any way then I will glad that it did. Happy reading!

I do not consent to my work being copied, plagiarized, or translated in any way >:P

There was nothing denying that Chris and you were best friends. You two met when you were at the small age of 4 years old when you both were on vacation with your families. You saw this rambunctious little kid that made and destroyed his sandcastle and lungs that were apparent as many times as he screamed.

You two hit it off, not leaving each other’s sight and it warmed your parents’ heart that they couldn’t tear you two away from each other if they tried. They exchanged information to always set up play dates, sleepovers, and invitations to birthday parties.

As you two grew older, schools were different but you still saw each other when the time permitted. Outsiders would think you two were a couple but there was never any romantic energy between you two. He was your person and you were his.

No matter the time of day you both made sure you were there for each other. You could have never been happier for him when he started his acting career, cheering from the tv or behind him when he would invite you out to premieres or watch parties.

He never forgot the bond that you two shared and he never made you forget how important you were to him. You both grew older with each year, separate romantic relationships, and milestones were always there. You never made it a secret if one of you didn’t like something or someone and gave advice when the other needed it. But somewhere down the line, small touches became more and alone time became thick with some questionable tension that neither of you dared to play with. It all came to a head when you both spent the time in quarantine.

You had just came home from the worst date ever and all you wanted to do was curl up with a pint of ice cream and watch movies until you passed out. As you walked through the door, Chris could see the look on your face that he hated and before he could launch in full attack mode, he knew that staying calm was for the best so that he could find out what was wrong with you. You closed the door quietly, pressing your hand against the wall as you slipped your heels off. There was no way you could walk past your best friend with that look on your face.

Wiggling your toes from the released tension of your shoes, you stalked over to the couch seated by Chris, plopping down as you laid your head in his lap. He looked down at you with those sincere eyes, searching for you to talk. But he knew that he had to ask before you even uttered a word. He laced his thick fingers in the sea of your thick curls, finding your scalp as he scratched lightly.

“Talk to me, angel…” That’s all he ever really needed to say. The tears that you forced not to fall automatically did once you heard his voice. It was always this way between you two. If one was feeling anyway, you could never hide it from each other. The tears slid down the sides of your face, dropping to his sweats as you began the story from the date from hell. From your date being a freaking predator to talking about your weight after you denied his strong advances, he left you at the table forcing you to pay for the entire date.

Chris never took too well with people shaming you because of your weight because he saw how beautiful you were. As the years went by, your beauty only captivated him more but he never did anything to jeopardize your friendship. He knew that you would never leave his side but he didn’t want to do anything to push that either. So he swallowed every romantic feeling that he had and watched as man after man proved to not be good enough for you. Little did he know, you were also doing the same thing.

“So… that was absolutely the date from hell, meatball. Dating has been such a bitch and I think it’s time to take a break.” You laid there in the comforts of his lap, looking up at his calm demeanor. Over the years you knew that he had a hot head and seeing you upset was one of his ultimate triggers as it was yours.

“That guy’s a fucking dumbass angel. He never would have lasted. The fuck does he get off talking to you like that? You are one of the most beautiful women inside and out and you only deserve the best. Fuck him.”

He exhaled as he looked over your face, wanting to do nothing more than to make you feel better. “Anything you want tonight and it’s yours. Movie night and takeout?” You looked up at him with the biggest doe eyes ever and he swears he melted right there.

Reaching your hands up in the grabby hands motion, he chuckled as he pulled you up until you were seated in his lap, “Movies, snuggles, and take out pretty please,” He could never deny your requests while you looked so adorable in his lap, wrapped snuggly around him. He loved feeling this close to you and would take this over any night out any day.

Chris took the liberty of ordering the food as you changed and got into your pajama shorts and wearing one of the many shirts that you would always steal from him. You sat on the couch as you heard the familiar jingle of Dodger’s collar, he hopped on the other side of you as you gave him some well-needed scratches as you scrolled through the tv finding a movie to watch. Being Chris’ best friend, you would think you would get tired of his movies. But deep down he was your ultimate comfort character when you felt down.

Opting for Mortal Kombat, you heard the bell ring as Chris shuffled to the door to grab the food from the delivery guy. You could smell the food from where you were seated, springing up to help with getting plates and cups. The food was dished out and you brought the drinks as Chris handled to food to the living room. You gave him some room to eat as you two began the movie, getting immersed in the gore and fighting.

When you both were done, you grabbed the blanket draped over the couch, seating yourself between the open space of Chris’s legs as you laid your head in the crook of his neck and covered you both with the fuzzy blanket. This was where you felt the most comfortable and there was no better feeling than this. He wrapped his arms around your middle, loving the plushness as he pulled you closed to him as the movie went on.

He loved the smell of the cocoa butter and vanilla on your skin. He buried his face in the crook of your neck as he inhaled your scent, his beard tickling you. The giggle escaping your mouth only spurred him on more as his fingers lightly squeezed your middle section. “You’re real touchy tonight meatball are you even paying attention to the movie?” You couldn’t deny that you loved the feeling of being close to him enthralled with those subtle touches.

He hummed against you as he slid a hand under your shirt, rubbing circles over your tummy loving how soft you felt. “You just smell so good angel, wanna stay here forever. Can I?” You nodded as the smile spread across your face, relaxing against him as he fell into his comfortable space. You kept your eyes on the movie, feeling his lips trace the length of your neck. They were slow and sweet and causing the heat to reach between your legs as your panties dampened from the act.

Part of you wanted to stop, but the other part just wanted to feel good for once and who better to fill that need than Chris. You leaned your head to the side, allowing him more access. He took the invite and made his kisses more audible, sucking in different spots until he found the one that caused a sweet moan to escape your lips.

He doubles down on his efforts to get more to come from you sliding both hands under your shirt to grasp at your full breasts. He traps one hardened nub between his fingers, twisting and pulling as he squeezes the other, sucking a bruise on your skin.

Your panties were completely drenched in surprise and desire, feeling the passion coming from every fiber of him. The movie all but background noise as your pretty moans fill the room as you back up against him feeling his hardness poke at the small of your back. You ground your plush cheeks over his length, pulling a grunt from his throat as he gripped your breasts in his hands. You gripped one hand sliding it past your tummy to let it land between your legs. He released his lips from you, feeling the heat coming from your clothed core.

“Tell me what you want angel. Say it and it’s yours.” He cupped your thighs with both hands spreading them wide as he rested them on his lap, bringing his hand back between your legs. He rubbed back and forth against the fabric of your shorts, you grinding back as you trapped your lips between your teeth, muffling your desperate sounds.

He slapped your covered center lightly bringing your attention back to his question, “not good enough baby, let me hear the words from that pretty mouth.” Chris cupped your covered mound making you whine from the sensation. You felt like you were going to combust at how much he was teasing you.

“Please touch me Chris, need to feel you please.” He knew he couldn’t deny you if he tried and with one quick motion, your shorts and panties were pushed to the side as he dipped his fingers into the wetness of your folds. You both let out a combined moan as he slid his fingers up and down your folds collecting your juices as her he brought them to your clit, smearing it over the bundle of nerves.

“Angel… Is this all for me?” You nodded at his question as he used his middle and index finger to make slow circles on your clit making you mewl at just how good he was making you feel. He slid down pushing one finger in slowly and then the other as he pumped slowly in your dripping hole. “Gonna make you feel so good, angel. You deserve it all.” He curled his fingers trying to find your sweet spot, hitting it when you arched up from the sudden contact. “There it is, hold onto me, baby.”

Chris pumped his fingers in and out of you as the squelching of your wetness and moans filled the room. He pressed his free hand at the bottom of your tummy, holding you in place as he filled your ear with filth as he kept hitting that sweet spot deep with you. “Been wanting to feel this pretty pussy wrapped around any part of me. Gonna make you mine and only mine. Hear me, angel? All mine.”

“Y-yours Chris… all yours…. Always been yours. Oh, fuck!.” You didn’t know that your orgasm could come so quickly. Your coil snapped violently as you began to see stars, feeling a gush coating your thighs as Chris kept pumping adding more sensation as he rubbed your clit in fast tight circles, causing your second orgasm to crash into the first one. You sang his name over and over as he rode your high with you. As you came down, he peppered kisses all over you as you relaxed against him.

“You did so good angel, so good.” He slid his fingers from inside you bringing them to his lips, groaning at your taste. “I think your new name is honey pot, you taste so good.” He dipped down to bring his lips to yours as you two shared your first kiss. Your tongues wrapping over the other as your tasted your sweetness. You pulled from each other, looking into each other’s eyes, knowing that the dynamic of your bond has changed. Chris kept his eyes directly onto yours as he pressed his lips back to yours, pulling away as the blues of his eyes turned dark.

“Bedroom now.”

[thighs-of-betrayal-blog]

hey! i’m honestly so in love with this blog and you’re writing!!! this is my first time requesting something, so i hope i am articulating this correctly.

could i possible request a Bucky x f!reader like modern AU? i’m kind of basing this off the song “When the World Stopped Moving” by Lizzy McAlpine. so like the reader and Bucky used to be together, but they both did things that hurt the other and they end up breaking up. but then the pandemic hit, and during all the isolation and quarantine, they realize that they still love each other. so maybe like angst with a really fluffy happy ending (i am a sucker for fluff!!). i really hope this makes sense and i know you would do an amazing job writing this!

May Our Memories Never Fade

A/N: Hey, love! Thank you so much for your support! It means the world to me. I’m so happy you requested this. I absolutely loved the idea :) Also, I’m sorry it’s late!

I hope you all enjoy and as always, any feedback is appreciated!

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Reader

Warnings: angst/fluff, cursing, mentions of PTSD 

Classical music plays in the background as you focus on the screen in front of you. Your job quickly changed to a remote setting as soon as the pandemic set in, and the past few months have consisted of you working from home. 

You’ll admit that you like the peaceful setting your home office brings you, especially since you’re only a few feet from an unlimited number of walks to your fridge, bathroom, or bed. But truth be told, heading into the office every morning was the only thing preventing your mind from wandering off to the past. The past of someone you still hold dear to your heart. Mr. James Buchanan Barnes. 

Now, with no one around to sweep you into small talk, you find your mind thinking constantly of him. Of how he looks. How he talks. How he used to kiss you. Those kisses-

You groan in frustration as you turn up the volume of your speaker, hoping the louder sound of the music will whisk those unwanted thoughts away. 

But, are they really unwanted?

“Get a fucking grip, Y/N.” 

Your voice echoes off the walls around you and it angers you, causing you to jump up from your seat and call out for your dog. 

Maybe a walk will help to clear your mind. 

---

It doesn’t. Or, it does, but not for long. Every place you pass is somewhere you’ve spent with Bucky, and your brain doesn’t let you forget it as your memories of him flood you. 

Looking back on it, the reasoning for your demise was stupid, really. 

Bucky had been away on a vacation with his family. A long vacation that lasted almost three whole weeks. Of course, you had been invited, but you turned it down in favor of the ever-growing amount of work that you needed to complete for your job. 

Bucky was fine with that, or at least seemed to be when he left. He was so loving, so tender in his kisses as you held onto each other in the airport, your words of “see you soon” hanging on in the air. 

But as soon as you left him to get on the plane, you never heard from him. Not once. Not even a “I made it” text to ease your nerves. Nothing. 

And when he got home… You let it all out. All the frustration and anxiety that had been bundling up inside you those past three weeks. 

Things were said from both sides that neither of you meant and after a long, two hour screaming match, Bucky packed up all his stuff and left. Walked right out your front door and never came back. 

After thinking about it constantly, you realize he was struggling with his mental health. He had just gotten back home after being deployed for eight months and that fight had ended up being his last one. 

His arm was blown off in combat. An explosion too close for him to outrun. And when you finally saw him again after months of constant worry, he was sporting a new, metal prosthetic arm. And, you showered him in love. No matter what happened, he would always be your Bucky, the most beautiful man on the planet. 

But you could tell it weighed on him, the trauma becoming too much for him to handle alone. Yet, he never went to therapy, no matter how much you had begged-

“Y/N?” 

At first, you’re not sure if you’re imagining Bucky’s voice. Isolation must have driven you to the point of insanity. There’s no other explanation-

“Y/N? Is that you?”

And in that moment, you realize your mind isn’t playing tricks on you. That in fact, the man who can’t seem to escape your constant thoughts is actually standing in front of you with an unsure smile on his face. 

“Bucky,” you breathe out. And, that’s all you can do. 

He looks good, although you don’t think it’s possible for him to ever look bad. His hair looks freshly trimmed, yet his facial hair is growing past the look of just a five o’clock shadow. 

There’s dark circles under his eyes, a telltale sign that he’s not sleeping. The nightmares must still be plaguing him. 

“How… How have you been?” 

With the way he looks down at the sidewalk after asking the question, you can tell he’s nervous for the answer. Nervous that you’ve moved on, while he’s come to realize he can’t fathom a life without you. 

You want to lie, want to unnecessarily rub some bullshit story in his face about how happy you’ve been, but you don’t. And not just for his sake, but for yours too. 

“It’s been shit without you.” 

Everything seems so quiet around you after that. You can hear his intake of breath. You can see the pain etched into his face. It’s been there a while. He lets it all out. Every inch of sadness he’s felt towards losing you. It’s all out in the open. 

“I never should have left.” 

All of a sudden, you feel like you can breathe again. Your lungs open back up as your head finally emerges after being underwater for so long. 

“Then come back. Please.” 

Your voice is soft, your whispers caressing his skin as they slip out of your mouth. The fight has been going on for too long and now… now, it’s time to call a truce. It’s the only way the two of you will make it out of this alive. 

He says nothing then, just pulls you into his chest, his arms wrapping around you like vines. He doesn’t have to say anything, you can feel everything in the way his hand runs up and down your back softly. 

“I just need to grab my things.” 

You pull back and see he’s looking down at you expectantly. 

“I’ll help you.” 

He smiles at that, your words being the exact answer he wanted to his unspoken question. 

You look down to see his hand reaching out to yours and you accept it, your fingers intertwining together. 

“Fits like a glove.” 

Subconsciously, you agree. Not just your hands, but your whole beings were made for each other. Woven together through both the good and bad memories. 

This time though, there won’t be a next time. Just a forever.

[d-criss-news]

Darren Criss Found a New Way to Give Season’s Greetings in Japan

I don’t know if it’s an adage, but I always say that if you want to book an acting gig, plan a vacation and get really excited to go on it, and then you’ll book a job right during that time.

So, for me, the only really fail-safe way I can plan a trip is during the holidays. Because of this, I’ve actually done Christmas in Kyoto twice. The first time was when I was 25 or 26, and I went on a trip with my family—my brother, my mom, my dad, and me. My dad used to live in Japan, and my whole life I dreamed about being able to go with him and have him show us around, so that was awesome.

One of my favorite memories is walking around the streets of Kyoto, down Pontocho Alley, with my brother. It’s one of the most magical little places to go barhopping in the world. Everywhere we went, people would see us and say, “Happy Merry Christmas!” I think they may have thought that “Merry Christmas” was the holiday, so it would be the proper custom to say to foreigners, “Happy Merry Christmas.” It was very sweet. But anyway, Kyoto is widely regarded as one of the most beautiful cities in the world. If you didn’t already think that sober, try having a few shots of sake and then looking at it. I wouldn’t say we got wrecked, but we made quite merry, and I do have a song on my album called “Drunk on Christmas,” so…

Several years later, I took my wife, Mia, to Japan. We visited Tokyo and Kyoto, and we added a ski trip, which is a big thing in my life. Anytime I revisit a place, I want to do something that I’m familiar with but also experience something new. The skiing there was really fabulous, and it was insanely beautiful. At the end of the day, you have some hot sake or a hot bowl of ramen, and then you have an onsen—a bath in the hot springs—and you’re just like, “This is a level of wonderful that I highly recommend to people from all over the world.”

Now, I’m a crazy itinerary guy. I love planning travel. I’m pretty proud that my wife and I can turn 10 days into about three months. To me, a vacation is a thrill ride where every day there’s a new adventure. In Japan, there were so many different things that we got ourselves into, from driving around the night streets of Shibuya in go-karts dressed as characters from Mario Kart to making our own kimonos to learning how to do ukiyo-e, the traditional wood-block printing. We did some Airbnb Experiences that were really something, including a tea ceremony with a couple who had both trained as tea masters. They had this beautiful little home outside of Tokyo, and we had a wonderful lunch with them and their children and shared stories. These are the kinds of things that I think are just—mwah!—chef’s kiss! If you’re as painfully affable as my wife and I are, when you meet people through experiences like this you sometimes end up getting dinner and drinks with them and having a night on the town. It’s a great way to involve yourself in the local scene.

On Christmas day, we were at a ryokan in Kyoto, and it was just magic. We didn’t bring big gifts with us—I think being there with each other was gift enough. The holidays are about who you’re with. Here we were in a country whose commercial and spiritual systems aren’t defined by years and years of Christmas, but it was something we could still hold in our hearts and bring to another place. We just had to say “Happy Merry Christmas” instead of “Merry Christmas.”

Darren Criss spent quarantine learning to read and speak Japanese, and he can’t wait to return to Japan. Until then, catch him on tour this month in support of his new holiday album, A Very Darren Crissmas.

[whysojiminimnida]

Yes They DO Have Insta ft. JeiKei is A Genius

Tannies' usernames on istagram : rkive, jin, agustd, uramyhope, j.m, thv Then Jungkook : abcdefghi_lmnopqrstuvwxyz (blank space = JK)

We all know it went down like this in the Jeon-Park shared apartment while they are quarantining together (let me have this until it's proven otherwise okay)

"Babe hey babe we gotta launch these instagrams" "I know bb we working on vacation, you gotta username picked out?" "Yeah babe. JK, duuuhhhh. You gonna JM for me?" (sighs) "My name is J-I-M-I-N, dork." "Not according to my tattoo it isn't." "Oh. OH. You know what, baby?" "...fuck. JK is taken, goldenboy is taken, hwanggeummaknae is fucking taken...jeonbam is taken... what, love?" "I just got j.m for my user name. Just like on your hand." "Awwww... ilysm babe, c'mere..." Some time later....official insta user j.m slides under the covers, where unnamed official insta user is glaring at his phone. Bam the wonder pup snorfles across two pairs of feet happily etc etc insert half naked post coital domestic bliss with a side of Annoyed Jeon here.

"Baby, any luck on that insta user name?" "Babe you know I love ARMY but this is ridiculous. Damn fanstagrams up on my dick like jeonjungoo is taken, ggukie is taken, kyukyu is taken... FUCK sassydaintykooismyfavoritekoo is taken goddammit" "Baby, last person on your dick was literally --" "Get back here. We're on vacation. Where you going? Spent two weeks having to act like we don't even live together then they put us in separate cars to drive us to the same place hold up.... nope, goldencloset also taken." "Huh. Maybe just start looking at what isn't taken, baby?" "Oh my GOD PARK JIMIN YOU ARE A GENIUS I got it I got it how about abcdefghi__lmnopqrstuvwxyz?" "Perfect, baby. Hey, do you think we could use these insta things to bring back Fetus Us? You were soooo cuuuuute!"

"What NO, babe. I was the most awkward baby gay and oh god that hat you wore NO don't why god whyyyyy..."

" I feel like the Return of The Snapback could be a thing."