#house sittin' for sandy

[uzumaki-rebellion]

Spinning the Block Part 1

Pairing: Terry Richmond x Officer Jessica "Jess" Sims

Warning(s): 18+, Angst, Mentions of Racial Tension.

Summary: Jess Sims attempts to pay her respects.

Word count: 3.2K

"Turned into an inconvenience

You only want me when convenient

I know that I could probably block you

But for some reason, I wanna see you

And you know I give a damn about you

You got me sittin' here thinkin' about you

And how your name triggers all my emotions

Into my eyes, into an ocean"

Normani – "Insomnia"

Jessica Sims knew in her heart she had no right to be at Michael Simmons' mother's house.

She'd driven an hour from Shelby Springs into Greenwood carrying a homemade lemon pound cake in the passenger side of her slate gray Dodge Durango. Her mother's recipe had her SUV smelling like fresh butter, sugar, and citrus.

The closer she got to the neighboring town, the tighter her fingers gripped the steering wheel, worrying if she'd see Terry Richmond again. He'd been on her mind for weeks…haunting her. She lost sleep and her nerves were so bad she had to get a prescription for sleeping pills just to function daily. Jess tried every home remedy from chamomile tea to a glass of warm milk before bed to fight insomnia.

Nothing worked.

Each night she crawled between cool sheets and stared at her bedroom ceiling, wishing things were different. Wishing she'd done things differently. Terry's smoldering sea-green eyes always came into focus, taunting her, preventing much needed rest.

When he walked into her police station to file a robbery complaint, she'd believed her department ran a tight ship. Her training had taught her to be fair but firm in following the law by the books. Chief Sandy Burnne had been her mentor, the one who recruited her straight from the police academy. She planned her law enforcement career while in college, joining the police academy a year after graduation. Her family wasn't too keen on the idea, preferring she use the hard-earned sociology degree to get a regular job and start a family like her older brothers. Jess had other plans. She wanted to be the first Black female police chief in Shelby Springs.

Wielding a badge and a gun allowed her to protect her own community. She had a certain charmed way of speaking to people that let them know not to test her, but that she'd hear them out with their problems whether they were in the wrong or right. Her excellent reputation around those parts gave her access to places that would unnerve the average person. She grew up a tomboy running around hunting with her father and brothers, physically fighting anyone who crossed her. She abhorred a bully, and that caused her problems with some of her colleagues that used their badge to sling their dicks around. Jess didn't go along to get along, but she picked her battles carefully to achieve her long-term goal: to run the department herself one day.

Men tested her all the time, and she did her job ignoring the micro and macro aggressions. Chief Burnne always had her back despite the cracker ways he tried to keep under wraps. He came from an era of uneducated Cajun rednecks filling up the department. Nowadays, there were more cops coming onto the force with education, melanin, and sometimes a vagina. A lot of old-school men didn't like that. Chief Burnne didn't either, but he accepted her and showed Jess respect when she did her job well. She impressed him, and he took her under his wing. She never revealed her goals to have his job in the future. Staying quiet, observant, and efficient worked to her advantage. Chief Burnne opened up more that way, spilling his tips on how to handle the job and people his way.

That is…until Terry Richmond showed up.

Jess misread his intentions from the start.

The second he strode into the office, she sensed a cockiness in him that smoldered beneath the surface. Most Black men in Shelby Springs were older and paunchy from a sedentary lifestyle and good Country Cookin', or lean youngsters with hustler's dreams of getting away from small town life. Terry was built strong and muscular, like a brick shithouse. He carried himself different. Spoke with controlled diction. He was a country boy for sure, but one that didn't work around Shelby Springs. She would've noticed his striking looks at the bars or cookouts broadcasting that he was living mighty fine. Employment was good with the new petrochemical plant ten miles away, and the Black community she lived in thrived with folks making good money, something that hadn't happened in over thirty years. Black folks, especially the men, being flush with cash and a pride about themselves irritated the white community. Negroes were acting a little too uppity lately. Buying new cars and scooping up property. Getting their homes built from scratch. Purchasing big fishing boats to use on Lake Tremblay. Sending their kids to college.

Tensions erupted in bars, public gatherings, and even football games at the local high school whenever white and Black people mingled in the same spaces. That's where Jess worked her magic. If she caught word of trouble brewing, she'd make a phone call to family and friends, giving a warning about police sweeps and rednecks making a commotion. The community grapevine activated and her people acted accordingly to stay far from trouble.

When it was her time to do patrols, Jess stayed visible in the white areas a lot. Her paternal great-granddaddy Adelore Seraphin was a fiery white Cajun who never married her great-grandmother, so she never gave their only child, Jess's granddaddy, his surname. The Sims family were proud Black Cajuns who turned their nose up at white trash. Adelore was considered trash because he wouldn't divorce his wife to marry Zema Sims. There was something about her Paw Paw's wife not giving him a divorce on account of them being Catholic. Granny Zema was an African Methodist and didn't give a damn about what Catholics thought about divorce. Paw Paw left that white lady and built Granny Zema a house to show that he was for real about building a life and family with her. So that's what they did. The white wife kept the marriage title, but Granny Zema kept the man.

It was a scandal, and as far as her Paw Paw was concerned, his only issue was that he didn't want that other woman to get part of his pension. She never did because she died before him, a bitter alcoholic, still screaming about the Black bitch that stole her husband. Technically, Granny Zema didn't steal him. She had him first, but back in their time, they couldn't get married because of miscegenation laws. So they broke up and Paw Paw married the white woman…and lived miserably. He started tipping out and one thing led to another. Jess's granddaddy, Hebert Sims, was born.

Jess's connection to Adelore Seraphin meant she had white Cajun relatives all up and down Shelby Springs. The kin on that side, who knew the family tree had an extra dark branch, tolerated Jess when she made patrols or answered calls of domestic disturbances in that section of town. Nothing on her screamed Seraphin except for her eyes. She had Paw Paw's discerning eyes. So did her daddy. She moved in the world like a Sims, but them pale kinfolk recognized her as the great-granddaughter of that trouble-making Seraphin behind her back. That gave Jess intimate knowledge of how outsiders perceived the proud, flourishing Black community. Trouble.

So when Terry Richmond rode his fine ass into Shelby Springs, he was already a problem before Lann clipped him with the police cruiser.

When he sat down in front of her while she typed in his descriptions of who robbed him, his tone was confident. His demeanor crafty. She was shocked that he recorded their conversation, equally shocked by Chief Burnne's sudden aggression toward him. Lann was an asshole to everyone, overcompensating for some deep-rooted male insecurity. Her first thought was that the Chief might've known something about Terry that she didn't, and she expected to be filled in on the matter. Drug couriers were a thing within small towns, and it wasn't above suspicion that drug runners would use a decoy disguise to pretend they were regular citizens going about their day. She went back and forth in her mind about Terry's reason for carrying so much cash in a backpack on a bike. It looked and sounded suspicious, especially with the drug busts they'd done a few months previously on the bridge during a police chase. She had picked up her own distant white kin at his house, the run-down place full of meth and illegal fentanyl. Opioid use was up. Drug dealers were racking up millions transporting that cash economy and product moving across state lines in Louisiana grew. Chief Burnne's own nephew had died of a drug overdose ten years ago, so anything that had a whiff of drug activity got his hackles up.

That was the hard line story they fed Jess for five years as she accepted civil forfeitures as a necessary part of police work. Portions of white and Black men from Shelby Springs and other bordering towns thrived in the drug trade. Sex trafficking, too. Her department prided itself on breaking the supply chain.

It had all been a lie.

Chief Burnne's lie. His department…his rules.

Jess had been inadvertently complicit.

A rule follower, and a staunch believer in the church of right and wrong, she turned a blind eye to activity that should've raised suspicions. Instead, she quietly looked out for her people on the domestic front, dousing potential flames of racist attacks, especially with all the MAGA crowd flaunting their bigotry and jealousy. Jess was more worried about racist attacks happening. Red necks were openly riding around in trucks carrying lynching ropes with right-wing slogans for bumper stickers. The south was always going to be the south, and America was always going to be America…the United Racists of America.

Jess literally couldn't be bothered if suspicious men passing through town carrying ridiculous amounts of cash got hemmed up. She damn well wouldn't coddle grown ass Black men if they got busted for doing crimes. Her daddy instilled in her a strong bullshit detector for her dealings with that.

"Sweetheart, Black men have to decide for themselves if they want to do right in the world. Black women can't keep the cape on forever, or come running with mops and brooms to clean up their messes. If Black women can get up every day and build up their community in the same terrible conditions as us, then they gotta stop babying these men who tear it down. There's no excuse for a Black man not wanting better for himself or his people. We done come too damn far to be the new terrorists against our own women and children."

Jess listened well. Applied it to Terry.

Something in her gut knew something wasn't right, but she didn't want to put herself out for some stranger who might've been tearing people's lives apart transporting thirty-six thousand dollars in cash. Black people always suffered the most with drug addiction and drug crime because of generational poverty and the predators who took advantage of that. Terry could've been lying to cover his ass for a drug cartel. She didn't know him, didn't know who his people were. He came into her life that day and turned it upside down. The only silver lining she clung to in the end was that she saved his life twice. Once when Officer McGill almost blasted him with a rifle when Terry dragged Marston behind a cruiser to safety. Jess slammed her hand on the weapon. McGill looked shell-shocked by the turn of events. She felt the same. Her boss had shot a fellow officer and made a speech to them all about how he would cover it up. If Chief Burnne harmed a white man that easily, he wouldn't blink twice before taking her out. The second time was when she carried out a PIT maneuver and knocked Burnne away from Terry, providing his last escape. The death of his cousin and the treatment he received in Shelby Springs were irredeemable. All she hoped for was peace in her own mind that she acted on the right side of judgement.

Jess followed her SUV's navigation system and pulled onto a street full of cars parked everywhere. She passed by Rosa Simmons' single family brick house with a large manicured lawn. Mourners milled about the front and the entrance door was wide open. After all the legal and medical inquiries, along with the criminal investigation, it took the Simmons' family three weeks to get Mike's body returned for burial.

She parked two blocks away and smoothed out her most subdued black sheath dress. It was plain and appropriate for the occasion. She carried the pound cake in a round Tupperware container and listened to her kitten heels click-clack on the narrow sidewalk. Her stomach churned, nearing the home.

"Hi..hello…hiya doin'?" she said, passing people she didn't know on the walkway to the house.

Heads nodded at her with sorrowful eyes and stooped body postures. The atmosphere inside the modest home was thick with heartache. Jess contemplated doing a pivot right back outside, but an older woman in her fifties with short-clipped hair sitting on a recliner noticed her.

Mike's mother, Rosa.

"My condolences, Mrs. Simmons," Jess whispered.

She didn't want to bring attention to herself and stepped forward, past a throng of people carrying plates of sliced ham, potato salad, and baked beans.

"Thank you for coming…oh you brought something, how thoughtful."

Rosa stood up.

"I can take that," Rosa said.

"Ma'am, I can put it with the other food."

"Mm-hmm, yes, the dining room table is right back there. Did you go to school with my Michael?"

"No, ma'am. I knew him from somewhere else. I'll put this away."

"Okay, baby. Fix yourself a plate while you're in there."

"Thank you."

Jess's eyes darted away and took in the other mourners. Her heart thumped a triple rhythm. It was best to put the cake on a table and leave. The stress of feeling like a traitor to her own wore on her nerves.

Delicious odors of soul food guided her nose to the dining room. The dining table could've buckled under the weight of so much food. Folks old and young helped themselves to fried chicken, crawfish, turnip greens, gooey macaroni and cheese, and a pot filled with smoked chiltlins.

She pushed a crock pot of brown gravy aside to make room for her cake next to a half-eaten sweet potato pie.

"Who let this woman in here?!"

A light brown woman with soft, shoulder-length curls glared at Jess, her lips curled into an angry snarl. Everyone looked at Jess curiously, wondering what was going on.

"Mama! Who let this dirty cop into our house?"

Rosa rushed into the dining room. Jess held out her hands.

"I just wanted to give my condolences—"

"You're the reason my brother is dead! Who let her in? Who?!" Mike's sister screamed.

The anguish in her voice brought tears to Jess's eyes.

"I'm sorry…everyone, I'm sorry…Mrs. Simmons…"

In her peripheral, Jess noticed Terry coming from a back room wearing a dark suit. She ran away as fast as her kitten heels could carry her. She knocked into people and brushed past other family members on her way out the door.

"Jess!"

Terry's deep baritone called to her, and she pumped her legs faster. Reaching the car, she fumbled for her key fob and unlocked the SUV. She jumped in and Terry banged on her window.

"I'm sorry I came. I didn't mean to upset your family," she said, starting her vehicle.

"Roll down your window."

His commanding eyes stared right through her. She rolled her window down partially. Wiping tears away from her cheeks, she faced her front window, unable to look at him.

"I know it wasn't easy for you to come here."

She shook her head, and a violent sob choked her throat.

"Listen…give me your number. I'd like to speak with you about all of this… at a better time—"

"No…this was a mistake…I'm sorry…I have to go—"

"Fucking bitch!"

Mike's sister threw Jess's cake on the car. The Tupperware container burst open and the pound cake crumbled all over the hood.

"Livia! Stop!"

Terry walked toward his cousin, and she ran from him toward the sidewalk. Other family members had followed them to watch the scene. Jess's stomach sank to the floor of her car.

"You did this to Mike! You goddamn greedy cops sent my brother to die and I fucking hate you! Get outta here, you murdering bitch!"

Livia picked up a heavy rock and threw it at the passenger side window, fracturing the tempered glass. Terry lifted his cousin up by the waist and carried her away. Jess drove off quickly. Cake crumbs fell away from her hood and she screeched her tires with a hasty exit.

She didn't hold back on crying, allowing her tears to wash away the shame and embarrassment.

Back in Shelby Springs, she paced the floors inside her house, drinking whiskey, and pondering her fate. Mike's burial was only the start of her troubles. Next came a lawsuit Terry filed against her department. It would probably finally bankrupt them like the last legal settlement they paid almost did. With the dashcam evidence, plus her, Summer, and Marston's testimony, Terry was sure to win a large payout. Her career was in jeopardy, and their department possibly disbanded.

She downed a half glass of Uncle Nearest whiskey and looked at her black dress. The audacity of her showing up in Greenwood thinking she could dip in and out without consequences.

Jess had to face her part in Terry's life being traumatized forever. Losing her job was a small price to pay for his lifetime of pain.

She leaned her head against her living room window in the dark and watched a swarm of fireflies do a light dance outside. Her grandfather used to say seeing fireflies brought good luck. Jess desperately needed that to be true.

Crawling into bed with her dress still on, Jess stared at her ceiling again, semi-drunk and all cried out. She thought about Terry calling out her name and running after her. He didn't sound mean or angry when he spoke to her briefly. Asking for her number surprised Jess, because…why? What could they talk about that would fix the wide valley between them? Maybe he wanted to yell at her too, get his justified anger off his chest. She deserved it.

Jess curled into the fetal position and thought of Terry. Even in mourning, he looked handsome in his suit. For the first time in weeks, she fell into a deep sleep without having to use medication.

Part 2 HERE.

Masterlist.

Taglist:

@nahimjustfeeling-writes

@planetblaque

@kindofaintrovert

@thedondada05

@blackburnbook

@avoidthings

@slutsareteacherstoo

@nayaesworld

@notapradagurl17

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[homefryboy]

I like when they give him more prominent eyelashes, pls add

[britneyshakespeare]

There needs to be an emoji of a big fluffy dog w snow on her nose >:(((( my Sandy girl is NOT represented!

[spongebobsoundtrack]

Jeremy Wakefield - Solo Steel 2

Plays in:

First part

34b. "Frankendoodle" 

40b. "Sandy, SpongeBob, and the Worm" 

59. "The Sponge Who Could Fly"

171b. "InSPONGEiac" 

190b. "Tutor Sauce" 

Second part

33b. "Gary Takes a Bath" 

61a. "Fear of a Krabby Patty"

77a. "Driven to Tears" 

80a. "Best Day Ever" 

85a. "New Digs"

86a. "Roller Cowards" 

113b. "The Card" 

126. "The Clash of Triton" 

127a. "Tentacle-Vision"

132a. "Yours, Mine and Mine" 

133a. "The Curse of Bikini Bottom" 

134. "SpongeBob's Last Stand" 

144a. "That Sinking Feeling" 

155b. "Sentimental Sponge" 

160a. "Patrick's Staycation"

165a. "House Sittin' for Sandy" 

192a. "Company Picnic" 

215b. "Don't Wake Patrick" 

221a. "No Pictures Please" 

225b. "Pat the Horse" 

226a. "Chatterbox Gary" 

227a. "Drive Happy" 

228a. "Fun-Sized Friends" 

260b. "Pat Hearts Squid" 

33b. "Gary Takes a Bath"

61a. "Fear of a Krabby Patty"

77a. "Driven to Tears"

80a. "Best Day Ever"

85a. "New Digs"

86a. "Roller Cowards"

113b. "The Card"

126. "The Clash of Triton"

127a. "Tentacle-Vision"

132a. "Yours, Mine and Mine"

133a. "The Curse of Bikini Bottom"

134. "SpongeBob's Last Stand"

144a. "That Sinking Feeling"

155b. "Sentimental Sponge"

160a. "Patrick's Staycation"

165a. "House Sittin' for Sandy"

192a. "Company Picnic"

[please-buckme]

A Broken Heart.

Lee Bodecker x fem!reader

Chapter 4

Chapter warnings: none.

Chapter summary: You and Lee try and hash things out but there’s more to Lee than meets the eye.

Masterlist

Series Masterlist

Chapter 3 // Chapter 5

The drive started off very awkward and completely quiet. You both cleared your throats from time to time to defuse the tension, which didn’t make a lick of a difference. It’d been years since you rode in Lee’s cruiser and the last time you sat in that very seat he’d broken up with you. Your chest heaved at the memory. You still felt the phantom tears against your cheeks when he drove you to your house. Never would you have guessed you’d be right back here at his beck and call. You thought you were stronger than that, clearly not.

You thought Lee’s hold over you had disintegrated a while after you left town, but clearly it hadn’t. He says jump and you say how high. Your breath hitched in your throat at the thought of it. He looked over at you which made you look over at him. His eyes were still that piercing blue that always left you speechless. His teeth were just as white as you’d remembered as you watched him toss a piece of candy in his mouth and grin.

“What’re you thinkin’ about, girl?”

You swallowed hard, “Heard you ain’t drinkin’ much these days. That why you’re eatin’ t candy now?”

He scoffed, “How did you get from drinkin’ ta candy? I can’t just have candy for no reason or just because I like the sweet taste on my tongue?” He smirked and suck the piece of candy into his right cheek. You watched him toss it around cheek to cheek before he spoke again, “And who told you that, anyway?”

You followed your arms and turned your gaze out the passenger side window, unable to answer him while watching him seductively eat a piece of candy, “I have my sources and I don’t ever remember you keepin’ a whole fuckin’ bag of candies in your car, is’ll.”

“Fuckin’ Karl.” He mumbled under his breath, trying to stay out of ear shout but you still heard him, “I stopped by Sandy’s on my way in and she gave me the candy, happy?” He asks rhetorically with a hint of sarcasm.

“Elated.” You answer him dryly anyway, “Why’re we goin to Ruby’s when there’re plenty of diners in town and are you even allowed to take the cruiser this far outta town, Bodecker?”

He sighs, “Why so many questions? I feel like I’m being interrogated.” He asks, already knowing the answer. When you’re nervous you can’t stop anything that passes your lips. You don’t like awkward silence and you’ll do anything to not have to sit in it. He always found that kind of annoying but aslo adorable at the same time. Eventually you’d start messing with his pens and steal a piece of his candy.

“Because I don’t trust you and I sure as hell don’t believe that bullshit about us ‘talkin things out so we can live in the same town again.’”

“Well, can you believe that maybe I just wanna catch up?” He asks, becoming a little frustrated.

“Why Ruby’s?” You repeated, stealing a piece of candy as Lee predicted. He missed having you around, he just wished it were under different circumstances.

“Because it’s your favorite.”

“Am I supposed to be flattered or something, that you remember my favorite diner?”

“Okay, you win. I officially regret this.” He sighs, slapping his hand down on the steering wheel. He seems annoyed but not angry. You watch his annoyed expression fall on you as he sighs. For some unknown reason you burst out laughing, leaning against the passenger door.

He laughs, “What’s so funny?”

“Nothing it’s just.. you’ve changed so much and yet not at all. I still know every look and every sigh and.. every move you’re gonna make before you even do it. It’s kinda refreshing.. but I still hate you.” You watch his face turn up into a smirk, displaying his gorgeous teeth. He almost looked pained as if he hadn’t smiled in decades.

“God, I missed you.” He admitted, immediately clearing his throat. He didn’t mean to say it aloud but it clearly wasn’t up to him anymore, his heart was speaking for him too. He watched you fiddle with the candy wrapper as you processed what he said.

You could feel his hesitance. Did he really miss you or was it just him trying to make you feel comfortable? You didn’t know how to respond, so all you said was, “Okay.”

//

Once you got to the diner, Lee rushed you to the back booth. You knew why, of course. Everyone in town seemed to be appalled with your very existence, as if you’d done something. You wondered if they actually knew why they didn’t particularly like you or if they were just following the crowd. Like if one person were to speak on your behalf and say you’re a nice girl if people would treat you differently. You just have to find that one person.

Lee sat across from you in the sparkly red, plush booth, you thought he looked kind of silly, big, professional man in a tiny glittery booth, but you kept that to yourself. The waitress came by and gave you both a menu, taking your drink orders before walking away. You scanned over the many different food items, suddenly remembering you hadn’t had anything to eat all day. It was eight in the morning and all you could think about was the pancakes.

You eyed the pancake special, becoming a bit more giddy than expected and Lee noticed.

“What’re you so happy for?” He asked with a goofy smile of his own.

“Nothing, I just haven’t had breakfast and the thought of pancakes excites me, is’ll.”

Lee chuckled, “You can get whatever you want, doll. It’s on me.”

“Damn right it’s on you. This was your idea.” You remind him just before the waitress comes by with your drinks; two waters and a coffee.

“What’re we havin’?” She asks.

“Just coffee for me and pancakes for this one.” He says with a tilt of his head towards you.

“S’at all?” She asks, both of you nod. She takes your menus and walks away again.

“So, what did you wanna talk about, Bodecker?” You ask, taking a sip of your water.

“First of all, you’re killin’ me with this ‘Bodecker’ and ‘Sheriff’ shit just say my goddamn name.”

“Hmm, remind me what it was again?” You pretend to think, tapping your index finger against your chin.

“Lee!” He’s genuinely annoyed now.

“That’s right. Um, no. I think ‘Bodecker’ and ‘Sheriff’ work just fine, more professional, if you will.” You begin to fidget with the straw in your water, twirling it around in the ice. You didn’t like how this conversation started, you felt suddenly pressured to do something you didn’t wanna do and that made you nervous.

“Why are you bein’ like this?” He asked with a confused expression on his face.

“You wanna know why?” You came on a little stronger than expected as you felt your cheeks heat up. For being the one to cause your awkward situation, you didn’t think Lee would need an explanation. You were a little applaud he’d even ask for one, especially knowing what a touchy subject it is for you.

“Well, if you’re gonna get all pissy, then no.” He put his hands out in protest, giving you a bewildered look, wouldn’t wanna upset the Sheriff, now would we..?

You sighed, “I’m sorry, it’s just- I haven’t said your name once since.. the last time we..” you trailed off.

“’The last time we’ what? What do you mean?”

“Can we just drop it? I wanna talk about how we’re gonna deal with me living in town. You gotta get people to stop ignorin’ me or actin’ like I’m some exotic animal they ain’t never seen before.”

He chuckled, “what do you mean? How they act like you’re ’some exotic animal’?”

“They stare at me in awe, mouths wide open, along with their eyes. You’d think I’m famous or somethin’.”

“Well, I guess in Knockemstiff, you might just be famous.” He grinned.

“Thanks for that. Just put on my tombstone ‘here lies the girl who got dumped by the Sheriff’... that’s my legacy.” You fade off, thinking of how tragic that actually sounded. You suddenly felt a burning in your chest. Your anger was building and you knew just who to let it out on.

“No, that’s not your lega-“

“Why me, huh?” You ask before letting him finish. “Outta all the girls to torment, why me?”

“Because I loved you.” He said with glossy eyes as if he’d wanted to say that to you in particular for so long.

“You sure as shit coulda fooled me. I’ve wasted a lot of time on you, Bodecker. I mean when we dated and after we broke up. I was a mess and the only person to make it better was you and.. and you never showed up.”

“You don’t think I wanted to?” He asked, losing his temp on you.

“No, I don’t, not because you loved me, anyway. If anything you only would’ve showed up as a way to forgive yourself.”

He scoffed, “How could you possibly think that?”

“Because.. you gave up on caring about me and my feeling the second you chose her. The second you agreed to be with her, behind my back, and dump me, is the second you lost the privilege of being my person.”

“If I could go back in time and undo what I did, I would. I’m sorry, y/n. I really am.”

“For what? For what you did or for how it turned out?”

He sighed, “Both.”

“I know you’re miserable and I know you don’t love her. So, did you really give up on us because you were power hungry? Being Sheriff meant more to you than our future together?” Tears welled up in your eyes, threatening to fall.

“Yes, but I regretted it the second I saw the first tear you cried that day. I wanted nothin’ more than to take it back, say I was jokin’ or somethin’ but I couldn’t. The look you gave me in that moment.. I knew I’d already lost you. And yes, I think about where we’d be if I didn’t completely ruin us.” He faded off as he told you the daydreams that never leave his mind, “I picture us renovating your momma’s house, puttin’ up a white picket fence, havin’ a couple babies on your hips, my babies. Everyday I imagine it’s you I drive home to, not Laura-Jean. Sometimes I just picture you sittin’ on the porch with me on a hot day drinkin’ your momma’s famous sweet tea. And if I close my eyes I can see you laughin’ and with sun shinin’ right down on you, kissin’ your beautiful skin.”

You look around awkwardly, trying so hard not to make eye contact. If you make eye contact you’re done for, he might as well take you out of the diner that second because you’re good as fucked. You wanted to believe every word Lee said, you wanted to chop them up and eat them with your pancakes, but you can’t. He did you so wrong in the past that you just don’t think you’ll ever believe him or trust him in the future.

Lee looked at you pained but you couldn’t see it.Your eyes counted the speckled dots on the table in front of you, desperate not to look up, until. “Y/n, look at me.” And you did. Why did you look up? “You loved me in a way no one ever had and I fucked it up. I’m truly, deeply sorry for that, y/n. Whether I’m sayin’ it more for me or you, I don’t know but just know that I live with this mistake everyday of my miserable life. But, hey, at least I’m the Sheriff right?” He joke, giving you a sad smirk.

The sadness in his blue eyes made you want to crumble, get up from your seat and wrap him in your arms, but you don’t. All you can think about is how he reacted when you wore the same except look.

“Yeah, at least you got what you wanted, besides the picket fence and two healthy boys to call your own, and me. Happily married and sun kissed” You brushed it off as if his daydreams of you being married with children meant nothing to you, when really your entire body was buzzing. “And, just so you know, I’m way past needing to hear your apology. Right now I wanna eat my pancakes and work this shit out. Being gawked at like an exotic animal has gotten old. I’d like to be invisible again.”

He gave you a weak smile, “Okay.”

“Alright, here’s your pancakes and syrup. Can I get you anything else?” The waitress asked after handing you the warm plate of pancakes.

“You chocolate milkshake for the road, Doll.” He smiled up at, making you miss the loving smile he used to give you.

“Comin right up, enjoy.”

You talked, well, Lee talked while you ate and came up with a plan. Anytime he heard someone in town gossiping or spreading rumors he would interfere and steer the conversation in another direction. He said he couldn’t exactly defend you because it would look bad, especially during the campaign season and word would get back to Laura-Jean.

“Has she asked you not to talk to me yet?” You asked, stuffing your face with the last bite of pancakes.

“How’d you know?” He wondered.

“I was her best friend for 15 years, I know how she is.”

“You know about her crush on me when we was datin’?”

“Nope.”

“I can’t believe you never saw it. I knew she liked me before I knew you liked me.” He admitted.

You felt a blush creep across your cheeks, “Why not date her then? Woulda saved us a lot of heartache, don’t ya think?” You grinned but felt the pit in your stomach expand, again.

“Girl, I knew I loved you the second you said my name. That’s why I wanna hear you say it so badly. It sounds so sweet comin’ from your lips.”

You cleared your throat, desperately trying not to fall for his games, “Well, I don’t know what to tell you. Sayin’ your name is like a sin to me.”

“You never minded sinnin’ a little when you were with me, what changed?”

“Check please!” You motioned for the waitress. “I’m not feeding into this, Bodecker. I’ve played your mind games and I lost. You just worry about gettin’ everyone off my back and Laura-Jean won’t ever hear of us speakin’ or seein’ each other again, because we won’t be doin’ either.”

“You’re no fun.” He frowned.

“I used to be and look where it got me; Heartbroken and alone.” The waitress brought the check and the chocolate milkshake to go, “I’ll be in the car.” You said before standing from the booth and leaving the Diner.

The car was locked when you got there, so you stood and waited, twirling the straw around in the shake. You could help but think about Lee. How could he be so nonchalant about your past relationship?

Yours and Lee’s relationship meant everything to you. He was your first serious boyfriend and the love of your life. You felt like that meant nothing to him. Like you were some chick he had on the side for those 3 years y’all dated.

You sighed, taking a sip of your milkshake. Even with how angry he makes you, your mind slips away to the daydreams he has about you. He pictured y’all being married, which was no surprise to you because you guys talked about getting married all the time when you dated.

You closed your eyes, picturing it all. Two rowdy, little boys playing in the front yard, Lee sitting next to you on the porch swing with his arm wrapped around your waist. You could hear his boyish life ringing in your ears.

You were so lost in the daydream you hadn’t heard Lee walk up. You didn’t even know he was near you until you smelled his familiar musk and felt his hand touch your waist. Now you knew he was close, but before you could even think to open your eyes, Lee gently pressed his lips to yours in a quick peck, resting his forehead against yours when he pulled away. You hadn’t reacted the way you thought. You thought you’d recoil, spit in his face or throw your milkshake in his face. Instead, you felt the milkshake slip from your fingers, falling to the dusty ground as you grabbed his face, bringing him in for another kiss.

This kiss was deeper. You both felt every emotion you’d had bottled up for so long. Every tear that you shed and every crack in your heart was being mended just by the feel of his lips. You missed the feel of his freshly shaved, aftershave covered skin against your hands, the feel of his lips and how ridiculously plump and pink they were, or the little grunts he makes when you scratch at the nape of his neck.

You felt his protruding belly press against yours, pinning you up against the cruiser. The kiss became deeper once his tongue entered your mouth, causing you both to moan at the familiar tastes you both shared.

“T-take me home.” You pant against his lips.

“I’ll take you anywhere you wanna go.”

Dividers by: @firefly-graphics

Taglist: @haydens-moles , @c00lkidvibes , @tcc-gizmachine , @buckysm3talarm , @gogolucky13 , @cryptidcasanova , @heavenlyseb , @writersbuck , @teddy-bearbaby , @bbmommy0902 , @sweetllamaparadise , @thereblogcrusader , @aleemendoza2425-blog , @frostbytebaby , @jessyballet , @emotionallyandphysicallydone , @sarge-barnes-sir , @generalbagelcookieslime , @lady-loki-ren , @dime-piece-xo , @greeneyedblondie44 , @cherryblossomskye , @amelia-song-pond , @thedaughterofwandavision , @vghz82 , @vintagepigeon , @bxmaaa @steverogers123-blog , @quxxnxfhxll , @rhislean , @pinecrest , @jackiehollanderr , @girlfriday007 , @fanofalltheficsx , @dontputyourfckingdrinkonmytable , @krazykatkay456

Dm to be tagged :)

[sad-sweet-cowboah]

My Little Secret part 11

Summary: Arthur plans a little date for you. A sweet gesture turns out to be an interesting ending.

Warnings: Some smut mention, but otherwise fluff

Faint golden light shimmered down and surrounded you. The sheets below you were silky smooth against your completely nude figure. Your eyes met his, bright blue and intense, staring hungrily at your body beneath him. His touch however was gentle, fingertips leaving goosebumps in his wake along the curves and swells of your torso.

His cool lips met yours in a tender kiss before he dipped down low, sinking further and further down before he was resting between your thighs. His hands pushed them further apart, his eyes once again meeting yours while he dipped his face to your center. The sensation to follow brought a soft moan to grace the air above you. His name curled from your tongue pleasantly as his serviced you. Your fingers carded through his smooth hair, your hips trembling in his grasp.

Your climax washed over you like a wave, enveloping every nerve in your body. He lapped at you, drawing it out until you were twitching and whining from overstimulation. He pulled himself back up to your face, his chin glistening from your fluids. He smiled and kissed you again and you willingly returned it, your essence heavy on his tongue. His hand caressed your chin, your cheek, tangling his fingers in your hair. His heavy body nearly feather-light against you, pressed to your skin. His hard muscles flexed, bringing your attention to the prominence settling between your legs.

He pulled back to meet your eyes, his expression soft and inquiring with silent words. You gave him a small nod, and he shifted oh so carefully to bring himself closer to you. The distance closed as he pushed in so smoothly, filling you up without hesitation. He whispered your name in a sultry tone it brought a flush of blood to your cheeks.

His hips shifted to pull back, readying himself to continue.

And then your eyes opened.

The sun was streaming beautifully through the blinds. You were sprawled out on your bed, though your shirt had ridden up and your hand had somehow found its way into your pajama pants. You blinked the first few seconds of bleariness and confusion away as reality formed around you. You were alone, and the fire that echoed in your core slowly ebbed away.

“Jesus…” you murmured, yanking your hand out. Your face grew hot with embarrassment. Arthur did warn you of the side effects of consuming his blood, and you certainly hoped that dream started when he was long gone. Sitting up slowly, you sighed and climbed out of bed. Last night felt like eons ago, and as strange as the evening turned out, you were glad Arthur was there to help you out.

Though it will be a while before you think about taking a trip to Saint Denis again.

The rest of the week continued on as normal. You met up with Arthur a few days later for another date, casual and straight to the point. He asked how you were feeling, and you made it a point to avoid mentioning your dream. He already knew of course, and you were saving yourself the shame of recounting what soon became a fantasy for you.

With school drawing to a close and finals looming closer, you’d made it a plan to meet with him twice a week in order to keep yourself reigned in for studying. He obliged, though would stop in at the bar a couple of times per week to entertain you on your breaks. More often than not he would wait to pick you up from work on the designated date nights, usually spending more time with you at home or taking a walk in the park.

A few more weeks passed by and you’d learned much more about him, both as an outlaw and as a vampire. You were growing more comfortable and intimate with him, and he to you. You’d always found a sense of hesitation when he showed affection, whether if it was because of what he was or just nervous and out of practice. Recently he’s become more open, not afraid to hold you close or sling an arm around you in public. He would kiss you whenever some fools would even look in your direction. You loved every second of it.

Tonight was yet another date, a Friday night that you were grateful to have it off. Your mind was on the brink of melting from the studying you’ve done over the course of the week and you were dying for a break. The sun set only a little while ago and you had an hour before Arthur would swing by. A few minutes ago he texted you to not eat, which prompted you to ponder why. While you didn’t mind going out to restaurants, it would be awkward to be out in public and the only one eating.

You cleaned yourself up and got dressed, choosing a casual outfit as you were unsure what exactly to expect. You didn’t see him spending money on anything extravagant, at least when it was still fairly early in your relationship.

You were hungry, and thankful you didn’t eat earlier in favor of spending time on more schoolwork. It would have been just a night of leftover Chinese food.

The hour passed by quickly and you were there to greet him just seconds after he knocked on your door. He looked as handsome as ever, greeting you with a smile and a kiss. His arms wrapped around your waist and held you there for a moment before stepping back.

“So, what are you surprising me with tonight?” you asked.

He chuckled. “Wouldn’t be a surprise if I told ya, would it?”

“Hmm, I guess not,” You replied. “Shall we leave now?”

“Ain’t you eager?” he said with amusement.

“I’m hungry. And I’m excited to see what you have planned.” You pointed out.

He smiled warmly, sliding his hand to entwine with yours. “Think you’ll like it, sweetheart. C’mon then.”

Arthur led you from your apartment and outside, where his motorcycle sat waiting. It wasn’t the first time you’d ridden on it, though each time felt like a dream. Sometimes you’d imagine it as a horse and you were riding with him back in his time, heading toward whichever exciting adventure he had planned. That daydream however you kept to yourself.

The engine roared to life and you wrapped your arms around his waist. The iron beast vibrated beneath you, rolling smoothly into the street before gaining speed. The damp air curled around you, tickling your exposed skin with moisture. Houses and buildings became a blur around you the further you traveled.

He took you toward the edge of town, the quaint buildings giving away to fields and stretches of long country roads. He wasn’t driving toward Saint Denis; rather the opposite, taking you North.

“Where are we going?” you asked, nearly shouting over the roar of the motorcycle. You however knew he was capable of hearing your voice just fine with his heightened senses.

“You’ll see.” Was all he said, the clarity in his voice sharp over the metallic growl. He’d fallen silent as the two of you continued further, hardly any other cars passing by in the quiet night. He took a left turn on a smaller street lined with charming houses surrounded by thick woods. Lights dotted the porches and windows, setting a dim golden glow amongst the darkness. Sweeping past like fireflies, blinking out as soon as they were out of your line of vision.

After a few moments, the end of the road appeared underneath a streetlight, leading out to a small parking lot. He slowed and pulled in, the tires crunching the gravel beneath as he came to a stop. The bike ceased its growl as he killed the engine and dismounted, then held his hand out for you.

As you stood up and took his hand to balance yourself from stepping away, you squinted around. You hadn’t been here before. The parking lot was surrounded by thick underbrush and what appeared to be a chain-link fence. There sat an opening that gave away to a clearing, on the far end water gleamed brightly underneath the silver moonlight. It was Flat Iron Lake.

You turned to him. “Where are we?”

His head twitched in a gesture for you to proceed. Turning your attention back toward the clearing, you made your way across the parking lot and past the fence. As the clearing opened up around you, the full picture opened to you. Aside from a couple of trees, the area was somewhat vast. The rolling green grass gave way to a small sandy shore as gentle waves lapped against the land. Further into the water were a few small islands, the trees nearly disappearing into the cobalt sky. Off to the side was a small playground and a couple of benches. A lakeside park.

“Clemens Point,” Arthur said from next to you. “My gang n’ I…we camped here for a while.”

You blinked and looked up at him. “Really?”

He nodded. “Never did like Lemoyne, but this place always was nice to look at. Watchin’ the sunset on the lake…sometimes goin’ for a swim. Glad that civilization hadn’t changed this place much.”

A smile touched your lips. “So you wanted to share this place with me?”

His smile mirrored yours, then began to walk forward. You followed him until he stopped at a tree, a large and ancient tree that cast its branches over nearly the entire clearing. He bent down to retrieve what looked like a picnic basket. You watched as he reached in and grabbed a bundle of a blanket, allowing it to unravel before he lay it on the ground. He placed the basket on the blanket, and gestured for you to sit. Moving onto the blanket you knelt down and he dug back into the basket, producing a couple of Tupperware containers and a plate for you.

“Arthur, this is so sweet,” you began. “But it’s not really fair if you can’t eat it with me.”

“Don’t matter to me none,” he responded, popping off one of the lids and you were immediately greeted by a lovely scent. “’Sides, gives me an excuse to bring you out here.”

“You could’ve done that without a picnic.” You pointed out, through your stomach rumbled loudly as he placed a piece of grilled chicken onto the plate.

“I know, but I thought it’d be borin’ jus’ sittin’ here with me.” He answered, scooping some rice and a vegetable medley next to the helping of chicken.

“That’s the opposite of boring,” You quirked an eyebrow at him. “You just told me your gang used this place as a hideout long ago. That’s not something you’d hear in a casual conversation.”

He chuckled lightly and handed the plate to you, along with utensils. “Sometimes I gotta remind myself that you don’t see me as uninterestin’ as I see myself.”

“You’re getting better at it.” You complimented before glancing down at the full plate. The savory smell wafted pleasantly. You took a bite and swallowed, your eyes widening in surprise to how great it tasted. You swallowed and added, “Arthur, did you make this yourself?”

“The kitchen in my house don’t see much use,” he explained. “‘Sit good?”

“Better than good, it’s tasty as hell,” You commented, taking another bite. The chicken was juicy and riddled with different flavors, complementing the sides nicely. “If that bounty hunter thing doesn’t work out, you could always become a chef. Put that kitchen to use.”

Arthur huffed a small laugh. “I ain’t that good, jus’ followin’ a recipe.”

“Still pretty good for someone who hasn’t eaten since 1899.” You remarked, smirking at him.

The conversation quieted down afterward as you focused more on your dinner. Arthur shifted his attention back and forth between you and the lake. He asked a question every once in a while, though polite enough to wait until you’d finished eating. You placed the now empty plate down and leaned into his embrace, watching as the water’s surface gently broke at the shore. A fish in the distance disturbed it, coming up to catch a bug. The melody of crickets and katydids surrounded the both of you.

“Some nights was peaceful, back then,” Arthur quietly mused. “Sat ‘round the campfire, listenin’ to others tells their stories. Whether good or bad, despite the law breathin’ down our necks. Those moments is somethin’ I miss.”

You cast your eyes up to him, noting the glaze of nostalgia painted in his own. “You really miss being an outlaw, huh?”

His chest expanded with a deep sigh. “More than I care to admit. Like I said before, weren’t anything glamorous. But I do miss those I called my family. Sometimes I thought it was a cruel joke that the one with the terminal illness outlived ‘em all.” He chuckled dejectedly, then met your gaze. “Ya know, out of all the questions you’ve asked, you ain’t ever asked why I Turned.”

You tilted your head in curiosity. “There’s a why? I never thought there was a reason…”

“Creatin’ a vampire takes a lot, ain’t a decision that comes lightly. So yes, there is a why,” Arthur began, smoothing his hand up and down your arm, leaving a small trail of goosebumps. “I had Tuberculosis, a death sentence back then. Knowin’ my time was limited, I did everything I could to do right. I told you ‘bout how things was fallin’ apart, how it divided us. I spent my last days makin’ sure those who mattered got out. After I led the Pinkertons away n’ fought Micah, I lay on a mountain, feelin’ my life slip away with each breath I took. Jus’ as the sun began to rise, everything went dark…until…”

He paused for a moment, tilting his head to peer up at the night sky. “Woke up covered in dirt. Thought I somehow didn’t die but got buried alive. Made my way to the surface, where I met my Maker.”

“’Met your Maker’?” you repeated. “Er, what do you mean by that?”

Arthur must’ve realized how that sounded to you, and his body vibrated with amusement. “My Maker, the vampire who Turned me. She was a young thing…barely even 20 years old when she Turned. She’s twice my age n’ three times as powerful. She watched me fight, decided I needed to stay in the world longer. Said it needed more men like me,” he sighed, shaking his head. “Didn’t believe her for a long time. Once a bad man then turned into a monster.”

“But it didn’t end up like that, did it?” you quietly mentioned.

He shook his head and smiled half-heartedly. “No. She taught me how to still be human. How to keep from turnin’ stone cold like others. She wanted me to be the man she saw on that mountaintop.”

“Seemed like it worked. You hunt down the bad guys to help others.” You pointed out, resting your hand on his knee.

“Weren’t always like that,” his smile turned wry. “First 10 years of my new existence I hated bein’ what I was. Ran off on my own a lot, Lucia – my Maker – she let me. She understood. No matter how angry I got, she was patient, but tough. Kept me under her thumb whenever I got too unruly, as fledglings tend to do. After a while I accepted myself. Stayed with her for a long time.”

You nodded in understanding, trying to wrap your head around him as a young vampire. You’d only had that one experience in Saint Denis, the mere memory sending a shiver down your spine that you tried to stifle. You instead directed your thoughts to something else. “Where is Lucia now?” you asked.

“She’s around,” Arthur answered with a cool tone. “Actually…” he shifted to straighten himself, removing his arm from around you. He instead turned to face you completely, his expression serious. “Wanted to mention somethin’ to you.”

You blinked at him. “What is it?”

He reached over and took your hands in his, holding them gently. His eyes never left yours, blue tinged silver in the moonlight. “Lucia’s…kinda my superior. Not jus’ cause she’s my Maker, but she’s also an important person in our world. Vampires may be a secret to humans, but there are some who know of our existence. Since we’re together…they wanna meet you.”

“Meet me? Why on Earth would they want to meet me?” you exasperated with a laugh of disbelief, hoping he was joking.

“To make sure you’re trustworthy with our secret,” Arthur sighed. “Somethin’ they all gotta do.”

“And what if…they don’t deem me trustworthy?” you carefully asked.

“You’ll be glamored to forget our whole existence, even me,” He answered, a touch of grim emotion flashing in his eyes. His fingers interlaced tenderly with yours. “But I ain’t worried ‘bout that. You got a good head on your shoulders.”

You smiled at his words, although your heart began to race at the mere thought of meeting these vampires. Arthur must’ve felt your pulse quicken, he rested his hand against your cheek and leaned in to kiss your forehead.

“It’s alright, Y/N,” he murmured against your skin, pulling back to stare at you with earnest. “I know it sounds scary, but I promise you’ll be just fine.”

You were unsure how to respond to him. Your gaze kept even and steady with his. He was silent and waiting patiently for an answer, a sincere smile touching his lips. Anxiety bubbled deep in your stomach the more you muddled over it. Meeting a significant other’s parents was usually a serious and nerve-wracking event, and this was worse. You were to be presented to vampires, one of which was Arthur’s Maker.

In the perturbed sea of emotions, a spark of curiosity formed. It reminded you of the night Arthur revealed his secret for you. Your fear overridden by your strive to learn, and you knew it was a dangerous thought to seek. You trusted Arthur’s word, however the memories of that fledgling from Saint Denis stirred up wary thoughts. He assured you they were not all savages.

Finally, you took a deep breath and nodded. “Okay, when will this meeting happen?”

“They wanted it tonight, but I argued with ‘em knowin’ you have your studies. So they’re allowin’ you to choose, as long as it’s soon.” Arthur explained, a touch of bitterness to his tone.

Tonight? Thank heavens for that. “Can we do it after my exams, then? I feel like I’m overwhelmed enough.”

He nodded. “I’ll tell ‘em that.”

You smiled in thanks, though it did nothing to calm your nerves.

[trspencermd]

Today’s Sunday Funday Mix was inspired by some SWEET House Music that I heard the other day when checking out various DJ’s.  Smiling.  There is something about House Music that just keeps my feet tapping and my body Moving.  I enJOY the heavy Bass, Vocals, and Rhythm that is ever present in EVERY Track.  Please check out Today’s Mix:  “Dreaming of Something Sweet ~ Soulful House Music”!   There is a mini tribute to honor Diana Ross for her birthday this weekend too!  BOOM!  Please EnJOY!  DJ Suspence

  ~~~CLICK THE IMAGE AND CHECK OUT MY PERFORMANCE~~~

***FREE TO WATCH/LISTEN/SHARE/ENJOY***

Here is the TrackList:

1. Filtered Church (Original Mix)  ~~~  Vjuan Allure2. Looking 4 Something (Original Mix)  ~~~  Lokee3. Sweet Dreams - Club Remix  ~~~  Eurythmics4. Plastic Dreams (Cubed Remix 2020)  ~~~  The Cube Guys5. Dreams (Pete Moss Remix)  ~~~  Colette, Pete Moss6. Say Something (Feat. Christina Aguilera)  ~~~  A Great Big World7. Something Good (Terry Hunter Bang Mix)  ~~~  Estelle, Terry Hunter8. Something (So Good) [Sofa King Good Mix]  ~~~  Alias Rhythm9. Just Be Good To Me (Original Mix)  ~~~  Earth n Days10. Something About Da Muziq  ~~~  David Harness11. Something About You (Steven Stone Remix)  ~~~  The Love Club, Steven Stone12. Something About You (Tsalikee’s Soulfunked Mix)  ~~~  Tsalikee, Kathy Brown13. Something Deeper (Dj Spen Raw Dub Edit)  ~~~  Kerri Chandler, DJ Spen14. Something Going On (Sonny Wharton Remix)  ~~~  Todd Terry, Jocelyn Brown, Martha Wash, Roland Clark, Sonny Wharton15. Something In My Heart (CalVINSOL Remix)  ~~~  Michelle, CalvINSOL16. Something In The Past (Feat. Mr. 6IXXX) [DjPopes Sound Of Baltimore Vocal Mix]  ~~~  DjPope, Dana Weaver17. Something Inside (DJ Spen & Gary Hudgins Remix)  ~~~  Jersey Maestros, Sarah Dash, DJ Spen, Gary Hudgins18. Something More (Quentin Harris Remix)  ~~~  Patti Labelle19. Something Wit Jazz (Manoo Remix)  ~~~  Mr. V, Manoo20. Tell You Something  ~~~  MICWO21. I'm Coming Out  (Remix By Maurice Joshua)  ~~~  Diana Ross22. Upside Down (Almighty Anthem Mix)  ~~~  Diana Ross23. Take Me Higher  ~~~  Diana Ross24. The Boss - Remixed  ~~~  Diana Ross25. It's So Good (Original Mix)  ~~~  Terance James26. In the Midst  ~~~  Eastside Boogii27. Little Black Samba (DJ Oji's 2021 Beatapella)  ~~~  Carolyn Victorian, DJ Oji, DJ Oji Aka Original Man28. Night Fever (Sunset Mix)  ~~~  JFC29. Round Midnight (Sandy Rivera's Classic Mix)  ~~~  Sandy Rivera, Tamara Raven30. Thinking Of You (Extended Club Mix)  ~~~  Cafe 432, Sheree Hicks31. Running (DjPope Funkhut Main Mix)  ~~~  Dee Jay Sound, DjPope32. The Mighty Douglas (Doug's Godbizniss Mix)  ~~~  Doug Willis, Dave Lee33. Express Yourself (Feat. Assurance)  ~~~  DJ Spen34. Easily Triggered (Geology Remix)  ~~~  Kid Enigma, Geology35. I Got Love (Booker T Remix)  ~~~  Lomax (CH), Michael Procter, Booker T36. I Love You (Feat. Aretha Franklin)  ~~~  Oscar P37. Hard to Love (Vocal Mix)  ~~~  Adira Kasey38. (If You Want My Love) Put Something Down On It  ~~~  Marc Evans39. Que Delicia  ~~~  Mijangos40. Chagu (Henrik Schwarz Extended Version)  ~~~  MoBlack, Emmanuel Jal, Henrik Schwarz41. Reach Deep (ThomChris Soulful Remix)  ~~~  Muzzaik, Exacta, ThomChris42. Hey Child (Main Mix)  ~~~  Neil Pierce, Hanlei43. We Flow (Soulful Delivers Mix)  ~~~  Pavel Svetlove, EverLove, Soulful Delivers44. Ramasedi (Ralf GUM Main Mix)  ~~~  Ralf GUM, Soweto Gospel Choir45. Good Life (Blackk Rubb Vocal)  ~~~  Stephanie Cooke, Shino Blackk46. Reclaiming My Beatz  ~~~  Vjuan Allure47. No Plans For Love (Clean)  ~~~  D-Nice feat. Ne-Yo & Kent Jones48. Oweibaba (Original Mix)  ~~~  Dj Spen & Greg Lewis49. Ribbon In The Sky  ~~~  Stevie Wonder50. Givin' Me Sumthin' (Soulful House Mix)  ~~~  Tracy Hamlin, John Khan51. Sumthin' Sumthin'  ~~~  Maxwell52. Everybody Wants Something (Feat. Alex Mills) - Rhemi Remix  ~~~  Akabu53. I Might Do Something Wrong (Feat. N'Dea Davenport)  ~~~  Tortured Soul54. Sittin Up In My Room (Powerhouse Remix Edit)  ~~~  Brandy55. Beautiful View (Antonello Ferrari Main Mix)  ~~~  Antonello Ferrari, Dawn Tallman56. Beautiful People (The Knocks Club Remix)  ~~~  Chris Brown57. Beautiful People (Underground Network Remix)  ~~~  Barbara Tucker58. Beautiful Liar  ~~~  Beyoncé59. Beautiful (DJ Spen Vocal Mix)  ~~~  Mary J. Blige60. Stomp  ~~~  Line Dances61. Stomp  ~~~  Kirk Franklin62. Battle Cry - Remix  ~~~  The Clark Sisters63. God's Got It (DJ Spen & Troy Morton ReWork)  ~~~  DJ Booman, Troy Morton, DJ Spen64. He's Alright  ~~~  Addvibe65. Blessed & Grateful (AFRIK-N-SOUL RETOUCH)  ~~~  DJ Randall Smooth, T.S.O.N., AFRIK-N-SOUL66. Turbo Hustle  (Tom Tom Hamilton Mix)  ~~~  DJ Maestro67. Mama Say Mama Sa (Original Mix)  ~~~  Lokee, Stefane68. They Dont Know (Karizma Remix)  ~~~  Jon B69. You Know How To Love Me (Joey Negro Extended Disco Mix)  ~~~  Phyllis Hyman, Joey Negro70. I Decided (Moto Blanco Edit)  ~~~  Solange71. And I Know It (Vocal Mix)  ~~~  Restless Soul72. Huggin' & a Luvin' (Mike Dunn Luvz Huggin' U ReMixX)  ~~~  Gershon Jackson73. Ain't Nobody Feat. Onita Boone (Mousse T.'s Ain't No Good Man Mix)  ~~~  Seductive Souls, Onita Boone, Mousse T74. Feels Good (Yeah!) (Terry Hunter Soooo Good Club Mix)  ~~~  Kelly G., Terry Hunter75. Good Kisser (Funkystepz Remix)  ~~~  Usher76. Good Vibrations (Dirty Secretz Remix)  ~~~  Soul Divide, Dirty Secretz77. I Put A Spell On You (Honeycomb & Vega Mix)  ~~~  Honeysweet, Vega78. Sweet Love (Autocycle Edit)  ~~~  Anita Baker79. So Sweetly (Feat. Shaun Escoffery)  ~~~  M&S80. Sweet Sensation (Original Mix)  ~~~  BBwhite81. Let Me Tell You - Sweet Sensation (Extended Mix)  ~~~  ANOTR82. Love Sensation (Soulfuledge Remix)  ~~~  Susu Bobien, Soulfuledge83. What A Sensation  ~~~  Masters At Work84. Sweet Sensation (Extended Mix)  ~~~  Stephanie Mills

[cartoonjazzlover]

Every SpongeBob Ever Nicktoons Marathon Ratings

All numbers in thousands (including adult demo 18-49)

July 7 (6PM-1AM):

Help Wanted/Reef Blowers/Tea at the Treedome: 0.130 (0.03)

Bubblestand/Ripped Pants: 0.181 (0.06)

Jellyfishing/Plankton: 0.198 (0.05)

Naughty Nautical Neighbors/Boating School:  0.179 (0.04)

Pizza Delivery/Home Sweet Pineapple: 0.204 (0.05)

Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy/Pickles: 0.227 (0.04)

Hall Monitor/Jellyfish Jam: 0.238 (0.04)

Sandy’s rocket/Squeaky Boots: 0.237 (0.05)

Nature Pants/Opposite Day: 0.356 (0.08)

Culture Shock/FUN: 0.411 (0.10)

Musclebob BuffPants/Squidward the Unfriendly Ghost: 0.439 (0.11)

The Chaperone/Employee of the Month: 0.463 (0.12)

Scaredy Pants/I Was a Teenage Gary: 0.484 (0.12)

SB-129/Karate Choppers: 0.428 (0.10)

July 8 (from 10:30PM-2PM):

The Sponge Who Could Fly: 0.527 (0.14)

SpongeBob Meets the Strangler/Pranks a Lot: 0.519 (0.15)

Fear of a Krabby Patty/Shell of a Man: 0.541 (0.16)

The Lost Mattress/Krabs vs Plankton: 0.468 (0.14)

Have You Seen This Snail?: 0.483 (0.14)

Good Neighbors/Skill Crane: 0.497 (0.14)

Selling Out/Funny Pants: 0.426 (0.13)

July 10 (8AM-1AM)

The Pink Purloiner/SquidWood: 0.328 (0.09)

Best Day Ever/The Gift of Gum: 0.316 (0.07)

Friend or Foe?: 0.332 (0.07)

The Original Frycook/Night Light: 0.375 (0.08)

Rise and Shine/Waiting/Fungus Among Us: 0.439 (0.10)

Spy Buddies/Boat Smarts/Good Ol Whathisname?: 0.471 (0.10)

New Digs/Krabs a la Mode: 0.433 (0.09)

Roller Cowards/Bucket Sweet Bucket: 0.547 (0.12)

To Love a Patty/Breath of Fresh Squidward: 0.571 (0.13)

Money Talks/SpongeBob vs the Patty Gadget/Slimy Dancing: 0.587 (0.13)

The Krusty Sponge/Sing a Song of Patrick: 0.579 (0.13)

A Flea in Her Dome/The Donut of Shame/The Krusty Plate: 0.451 (0.11)

Goo Goo Gas/Le Big Switch: 0.452 (0.10)

Atlantis SquarePantis: 0.408 )0.09)

Picture Pay/Pat No Pay/BoJack: 0.377 (0.08)

Blackened Sponge/Mermaid Man vs SpongeBob: 0.361 (0.08)

The Inmates of Summer/To Save a Squirrel: 0.358 (0.08)

Pest of the West: 0.381 (0.09)

20,000 Patties Under the Seas/The Battle of Bikini Bottom: 0.409 (0.10)

Whatever Happened to SpongeBob?: 0.335 (0.07)

The Two Faces of Squidward/SpongeHenge: 0.330 (0.06)

Banned in Bikini Bottom/Stanley S SquarePants: 0.303 (0.06)

House Fancy/Krabby Road: 0.363 (0.07)

Penny Foolish/Nautical Novice: 0.355 (0.08)

Spongicus/Suction Cup Symphony: 0.394 (0.09)

Not Normal/Gone: 0.497 (0.10)

The Splinter/Slide Whistle Stooges: 0.452 (0.10)

A Life in a Day/Sun Bleached: 0.507 (0.13)

Giant Squidward/No Nose Knows: 0.520 (0.14)

Patty Caper/Giant Squidward: 0.574 (0.15)

Boating Buddies/Krabby Kronicle: 0.568 (0.14)

The Slumber Party/Grooming Gary: 0.466 (0.13)

SpongeBob vs the Big One: 0.532 (0.14)

July 11 (6AM-6AM)

Truth or Square: 0.323 (0.07)

Pineapple Fever/Chum Caverns: 0.335 (0.06)

The Clash of Triton: 0.332 (0.07)

Tentacle-Vision/I Heart Dancing: 0.349 (0.08)

Growth Spout/Stuck in the Wringer: 0.341 (0.08)

Someone’s in the Kitchen with Sandy/The Inside Job: 0.372 (0.09)

Greasy Buffoons/Model Sponge: 0.391 (0.09)

Keep Bikini Bottom Beautiful/A Pal for Gary: 0.415 (0.10)

Yours Mine and Mine/Kracked Krabs: 0.397 (0.10)

The Curse of Bikini Bottom/Squidward in Clairnetland: 0.407 (0.09)

SpongeBob’s Last Stand: 0.357 (0.08)

Back to the Past/The Bad Guy Club Villain: 0.423 (0.08)

A Day without Tears/Summer Job: 0.446 (0.08)

One Coarse Meal./Gary In Love: 0.409 (0.07)

The Play’s the Thing/Rodeo Daze: 0.404 (0.07)

Gramma’s Secret Recipe/The Cent of Money: 0.380 (0.07)

Monster Who Came to Bikini Bottom/Welcome to Bikini Bottom Triangle: 0.435 (0.08)

The Curse of Hex/The Main Drain: 0.446 (0.08)

Trenchbillies/Sponge-Cano: 0.434 (0.08)

The Great Patty Caper: 0.363 (0.07)

That Sinking Feeling/Karate Star: 0.386 (0.08)

Buried in Time/Enchanted Tiki Dreams: 0.356 (0.08)

The Abrasive Side/Earworm: 0.352 (0.07)

Shellback Shenanigans/Hide and Then What Happens?: 0.346 (0.08)

The Masterpiece/Whelk Attack:0.321 (0.07)

You Don’t Know Sponge/Tunnel of Glove: 0.321 (0.08)

Krusty Dogs/The Wreck of the Mauna Loa: 0.447 (0.11)

New Fish in Town/Love That Squid: 0.428 (0.09)

Big Sister Sam/Perfect Chemistry: 0.432 (0.10)

Accidents Will Happen/The Other Patty: 0.435 (0.10)

Drive Thru/The Hot Shot: 0.473 (0.13)

A Friendly Game/Sentimental Sponge: 0.421 (0.10)

Frozen  Face Off: 0.506 (0.13)

Squidward’s School for Grown Up/Oral Report: 0.442 (0.12)

Sweet and Sour Squidward/the Googly Artiste: 0.442 (0.12)

SquarePants Family Vacation: 0.447 (0.12)

Patrick’s Staycation/Walking the Plankton: 0.452 (0.12)

Mooncation/Mr. Krabs Takes a Vacation: 0.389 (0.10)

ghoul Fools: 0.399 (0.10)

Mermaid Man begins/Plankton”s Good Eye: 0.366 (0.08)

Barnacle Face/Pet Sitter Pat: 0.338 (0.08)

House Sittin for Sandy/Smoothe Jazz at Bikini Bottom: 0.332 (0.08)

Bubble Trouble/The Way of the Sponge: 0.335 (0.08)

The Krabby Patty that Ate Bikini Bottom/Bubble Buddy Returns: 0.319 (0.07)

Restraining SpongeBob/Fiasco: 0.310 (0.07)

Are You Happy Now?/Planet of the Jellyfish: 0.281 (0.07)

Free Samples/Home Sweet Rubble: 0.288 (0.07)

Karen 2.0/Inspongeiac: 0.295 (0.08)

[buckyscrystalqueen]

Star Crossed Rivalry: Part 4

Pairings: Opie x Reader (SOA/TWD MC AU Crossover ) Negan daughter!Reader

Warnings: Swearing, Fluff, Angst, Violence

Word Count: 5,484

Part 1 / Part 2 / Part 3

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“This is honestly heaven.” You breathed as you lay in the sand of your private Sonora beach home, curtesy of the Galindo cartel, Romeo’s influence in the country, and who you were to Romeo. 

“Wrong.” Opie said as he filed in the hole Creature was wildly digging just because he could. “What would be heaven is if a) you had your top off and b) you felt better.” You rolled your head on the towel and smile behind your sunglasses.

“Opie, you see me naked all the fucking time.” You laughed as you pulled at his swim trunks. “And I feel fine, baby…”

“Baby…” He cooed as he stopped digging. He smiled and leaned forward to kiss on your nonexistent baby bump.

“Will you quit.” You laughed as his beard tickled your side. “We don’t even know I’m pregnant yet.”

“Well you’re the one that put the idea in my head.” He said as he stretched out in the warm sand beside you and laid his head on your thigh. “And now I can’t stop thinking about it.”

“I think you’d make a good dad.” You said as you reached down to run your fingers through his loose hair. “Could you imagine a little Opie running around the beach with us?” He shook his head and dragged his fingertips across your stomach.

“It’s gunna be a little girl.” He said, matter of factly. “And she’ll be just as beautiful as you.” Your smile grew as he pressed his fingers lightly into your skin as if he was trying to feel his child. “Guess I can be glad we got beat up.”

“No, you’re glad that the antibiotics I took so I didn’t get Tig germs in my fucking forehead knocked out my birth control and we’re space cadets that can’t understand the concept of condoms.”

“That too.” He chuckled as he sat up and crawled up your body. He leaned over you and pulled off your sunglasses with a smile. “Let’s get married.” You pulled back as far as you could in the sand and searched his eyes.

“Opie.”

“(Y/N).” He chuckled as he brushed your hair back with his sandy hands. “Look, we’ve already been through hell and back together. And I love you, more than anything in the world. So I want you to be my wife. And even if you’re pregnant right now or not right now, I want to start a family with you, and grow old with you. I want to wake up to your smile and fall asleep with you in my arms until I take my last breath.” You choked out a laugh as he shifted his weight on his left arm to reach down to his pocket. He smirked as he purposely dipped his fingers into the waist band of your bikini bottoms before continuing on to his shorts pocket. “That’s not my pocket.”

“So romantic.” You laughed as you reached up to brush your tears away.

“I know.” He chuckled as he pulled out your moms engagement ring. He held it in front of your face with a warm smile as you burst into tears. “Marry me, baby girl.” You nodded your head and covered your face as he rested his weight back on both arms. “I hope that’s a yes.” He chuckled as he picked your left ring finger up and slid the ring into place for you.

“It’s a yes!” You squeaked as you moved your hands to hold his and cup his face. “You’re so mean!” You laughed as you pulled him down into a kiss.

“Can I confess that I actually got the ring from your dad New Years Eve? I was going to propose at the Sanctuary but it didn’t feel right.”

“This is much better.” You said with a nod as you pushed his hair back behind his ears. “It’s perfect.”

“No, Mrs. Winston.” He said with a shake of his head. “You are perfect.”

——

Since the day your fiancé saw the small, wiggling bean on the first ultrasound, he woke you up every morning the exact same way. He’d hum, half asleep, with a giant smile on his face as he felt around the king size bed to find where you had ended up in your sleep. When he got your moaned response, he push himself across the sheets and pillows to pepper your face with kisses. When he finally got you to wake up enough to kiss back, he slid down the bed, and pulled you onto your side in front of his face to talk to his child.

Every morning, as the sun peeked through the curtains and while you slowly untangled the knots in his hair, Opie told stories. Everything from what his dream was the night before to trouble he had gotten into as a child and with the club. He opened up more to you in those quiet moments than he was ever able to in North Carolina out of fear, and didn’t stop sharing until morning sickness or the desperate need to use the bathroom ripped you from bed. You’d always come back though, not ready to start another day of living in paradise, and told both Opie and your child similar stories he didn’t already know.

“Do you think we’ll ever try to go back to the States?” You asked him one morning as you neared the beginning of your second trimester. “I mean, our bun does have grandparents that don’t know he exists.”

“Well.” Ope sighed as he walked his fingers in a slow circle around the bump that got a little bigger every day. “Let’s look at it this way. We have my dad, the alcoholic biker. My mom, the woman that walked away from her kid. And your dad, who’s a dick.” He picked his head up off the mattress and rolled on to his stomach to look at you. “On top of that, you’re wanted by the Sons, and I’m wanted by the Saviors, no matter what our immediate clubs have to say. I mean, we can absolutely go back if you wanna go back, hun. I have no problem with that what so ever. Happy wife, happy life. I just want the love of my life and our kid to be safe. And from where I’m sittin’, being in Sonora, under the protection of the fucking cartel, is the safest place we can be.” You nodded your head and sighed as you reached out to brush his hair back out of his face.

“I just… I feel bad, Ope. I’ve pulled you away from everything…” Ope cut you off with a loud groaned sigh as he flopped face down on the bed beside you.

“(Y/N), do you know how many times we have had this conversation?” He asked as he looked back up at you. “A hundred. Fuck, maybe even a thousand. You- didn’t- pull- me- away- from- anything. Not a single damn thing. SAMCRO is fucking toxic. Why else do you think I took off the day I left prison? I did five damn years for a group of guys that was supposed to have my back. I won’t do that shit again. Prison sucks. Like fucking royally. I don’t wanna go back ever again. So, for the last time, you didn’t take me away from everything. You gave me everything worth living for.” You nodded your head as a tear slipped down your cheek. He chuckled and pushed himself up on his hands and knees to get up for the day. “Now, if you say that shit again, I will… flick you in the nose.”

“Oh, how threatening.” You said as he kissed your bump, then you.

“I know. So scary.”

“Like a giant teddy bear.” You said with a yawn as you got up to let Creature out. While your dog ran out into the private, walled off, second story patio you had had grassed in for him outside your bedroom, you walked into the bathroom to brush your teeth and throw on a bathing suit for the day. “What are we gunna do today?” Ope hummed as he spit his mouthful of toothpaste and turned on his sink while you jumped up on the counter between the two vanities.

“Well… we can always start check off your Mexico beach list.” He suggested as he leaned back far enough for you to spit in the sink without getting your toothpaste on him.

“No.” You sighed as he passed you the mouthwash.

“What about taking Creature hiking?” You huffed through your nose and shook your head before spitting again.

“No.”

“You can watch me fix the motorcycle you chucked in the back of your pick up truck.” He said in a teasing tone as he moved your leg to grab his hair brush.

“Wasn’t me.” You said as you snagged his brush, and jumped off the counter. “And I think you should be happy that I at least saved your bike.”

“Oh, I am.” He said as he kneeled down so you could brush his hair into the man bun you found absolutely delicious on him. “But you could have at least stood it up before you strapped it down.” You met his eyes in the mirror and gave him a sarcastic sneer. 

“Sorry that saving the father of my child and future husband’s life was a little more important. I’ll try not to do that again.” He smirked at you and found your smiling eyes in the mirror.

“You’d miss me too much.” You smile grew and you nodded your head as you twisted the hair tie in his hair. 

“I really would.” You agreed as you pulled the sides of the bun out and dropped your hands to his shoulders. He leaned back into you gently and reached back to hold on to your calves with a content sigh.

“I have an idea.” He said as he rolled his head back to look up at you. “How about we get a start on baby shopping? Get the essentials now, and wait for any clothes or things that involve the gender until later. Gets us out of the house for a while, we get some exercise, we get some shopping done early….” Your smile grew, and you nodded your head as you cupped his jaw in your hands.

“You’re a smart man, Opie Winston.”

——

“Can I get one of these?” Ope asked as he picked up a small blue beanie and dropped it on top of his bun. You smirked and shook your head.

“Looks a little small, honey.”

“It’s a bun protector.” He joked as you turned back to look at the cute little dresses and the even more adorable suits with ties.

“If you get a bun protector, I’m getting one of each of these.” You said as you grabbed a pink, frilly ‘going home’ dress and a blue tie/ white mock button down, collared onesie with black pants and held them out. 

“Yea, ‘cause I’m going to say ‘no’ to you, ever.” He chuckled as he took the pants suit from your hand to look at it with a smile. He sighed as he ran his fingers across the buttons. “We really are having a baby.” With a nod of your head, you laid the dress down carefully in the bottom of your cart.

“And he or she’s going to be the cutest damn thing in the world.” With a nod of agreement, Opie passed off the little suit and looked over at the bells that chimed when the door opened. Panic ripped through him as he looked at the Lobos Sonora kuttes on the two angry looking men the pair of you had passed on the streets on your way to the store.

“Move!” He shouted as he grabbed your arm and yanked you in front of his body. You shrieked and took off down the isle as the little shop was drowned in booming gun fire. You forced yourself to stay low and keep moving until you made it out the back door into a crowded street. “Left, left!” Your fiancé shouted as a new hail of bullets hit the wall of the shop from somewhere in the crowd. “Keep going! Don’t stop!” You nodded your head, and dipped down an alley between two buildings as the gun fire finally came to an abrupt halt. 

“Ope?” You asked as you glanced over your shoulder. 

“I’m fine, baby.” He said with a nod as he grabbed you before you left the mouth of the alley. His breaths came out in heavy pants as he held your shaking body to his chest.

“We gotta… keep moving…” You panted as you gripped his shirt tight in your fists. He nodded his head as he leaned around the edge of the building to look.

“Keep your head down, and don’t stop.” He growled as he pulled his shirt from your hands and turned you toward the street to the left. He tucked you against his side and covered the side of your head with his hand as you put both your hands over your bump to protect your child. Opie led you in a zigzag pattern through the streets, keeping his head on a swivel until he found a road that was familiar to you both in your four months of living in Sonora. He finally lead you into doctors office building and pushed past a man to get you into the bathroom on the ground floor to call for help.

“Are you hit?” He asked as he glared at the man trying to follow you into the bathroom before he locked the door in the man’s face. You shook your head as you held on to the sink to keep yourself up right.

“I don’t…” You tried, but your mouth was too dry to speak. Opie turned in his spot and came over to check, completely ignoring the blood dripping down his arm from the graze he got.

“You’re OK, baby girl.” He said as he turned you gently and checked every inch of your body. “We’re OK.” You nodded your head once before turning in your spot and throwing up in the sink. “Shhh, I’m here.” He cooed as he pulled your hair back for you, pulled your still shaking body against his body to keep you up right, and rubbed your back as the initial shock wore off. He glanced at his reflection in the mirror, let out an unheard sigh, and double checked to make sure you hadn’t been shot.

“I wanna go home.” You sobbed as you burst into tears.

“I’m gunna get you home, baby.” He said as he got a couple paper towels wet to wipe off your face. “I swear to you, we’re going home today.” You nodded and buried your face in his chest as he leaned back against the wall and held you tight. He hit his head against the wall and swore loudly, knowing that with the Lobos cartel knowing that one if not both of you were associated with an American MC, his family was no longer safe in Mexico even with the help of the Galindo Cartel. The rivalry between Lobos and both of your clubs was bigger than anything imaginable. After a few moments of running the scenarios, he pulled his phone from his pocket and found Romeo’s number in the call list to see if someone could pick both of you up and get you back stateside no matter what the consequences would be with the lesser of three evils.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You weren’t surprised to see your father waiting for you when you got to the Arizona / Mexico border, but you were, however, surprised to see Jax waiting with him. Tears welled in your eyes and a hormonal rush of emotions washed over you as Negan took off at a run to get to your truck that Opie was pulling over to the side of the road. You unbuckled your seatbelt as your dad slid in the gravel while ripping open the passenger door.

“Fucking thank God.” He said as he pulled you into his arms. “You’re OK, baby girl. It’s OK.” He said as you burst into tears. He nodded his head with tears in his eyes, and kissed your shoulder while you held on to his kutte as tightly as you could. “You’re coming home, princess.” You nodded your head as Opie got back in the truck behind you and leaned over to rub your back.

“Let’s get them to the hotel.” He said with a slightly paranoid glance through the back window of the truck. Negan nodded as he pulled back to look at you with a smile.

“Alright, buckle up. I’m not gunna wait for you all fucking day.” With a huffed laugh and a nod, you sat back in your chair and took the offered seatbelt from your father. He inhaled a little sharply as he looked at your small baby bump but he put a smile on his face and looked back up at you. “Boy or girl?” You looked over at him, confused for half a second, before shaking your head.

“Too soon to know.” He nodded his head and looked back down at the bump, finally noticing Lucille’s ring on your finger. His heart shattered, hating that he had missed so much of his daughter’s life already because of his actions, but he was at least grateful that you were hopefully coming back home so he wouldn’t miss any more. 

“Alright, let’s go. We’re fucking holding up traffic.”

——

“Are you going to sleep with us again? Even though you have a perfectly good room you paid for right across the hall.” You asked as you pulled Creature out of his carrier purse and set him on the bed. Jax shrugged as he flopped down on the other queen bed and pushed his boots off with his toes. 

“I haven’t really seen my best friend in nine months. So yea, I’m gunna stay and gossip like a school girl.” You rolled your eyes and went over to dig your dogs bowls and food bag from one of the many bags of clothes and belongings that you were bringing back with you from your Sonora home. 

“You’re an idiot.” You said with a glance over your shoulder at the Son that was growing on you more and more every day. He shrugged again and grabbed the remote as Opie and Negan pulled the last couple bags in from the bed of your pick up so they wouldn’t get stolen in the Tucson hotel parking lot. 

“What are you looking for, baby?” Opie asked as he set the bags he was holding down on the bed.

“Creature’s bowls.” He nodded as he came over to pull out the bag under the one you were looking through. You thanked him and smiled as you took the bowls from his hands.

“So.” Negan said as he grabbed the desk chair and spun it around. “We’re here to try to figure out what to fucking do with you two trouble makers.”

“Smooth, Daddy.” You sighed as you set the two bowls on the floor a few feet away from the just in case of an accident pee pad your fiancé was laying out. 

“You have two options.” He continued as you sat down on your bed. “You both can go to Charming with Jax. Or you can come back to Boone with me.”

“A deal has been put into place.” Jax said as he sat up and looked at you and Opie. “As far as both clubs are concerned, you two are off limits.”

“Clay agreed to that?” Opie asked as he sat down beside you. Jax shook his head subtly in response.

“The table agreed to that.” He responded in a breath.

“We’re going back to Boone.” Opie said immediately. “I’m not putting my family in that psychopath’s hands…”

“Wait… I’m missing something.” You said as Negan hung his head to hid his grateful, tear filled eyes and smug smile.

“There’s a riff in SAMCRO right now.” Jax said as he leaned forward on his thighs. “Clay is losing his grip, and we have ATF down our throats. He’s scrambling to keep his failing hands on the gavel, and he’ll take out anyone he deems a threat.”

“That includes the daughter of the Saviors president.” Ope said with a look over at you as he put his hand on the small of your back. “He’ll kill you, no problem, to try to bring the Saviors to Charming for retaliation.”

“Which it would.” Negan chimed in as he looked up at you. “And that’ll divert ATF’s attention to what’s left of the Saviors after the blood bath we would bring away from the Sons, which also brings the DEA back to our doors…”

“If you go back to Boone, the Son’s can’t touch you.” Jax said with a slightly worried glance at your dad for what he said about the blood bath. “You’re in the heart of Saviors territory. Clay wouldn’t dare come after you there.” You nodded your head as you rubbed your bump absentmindedly with your fingertips.

“And what about Opie?”

“Opie’s safe.” Negan said with a nod. “I’ve sat down with each and every fucking president and explicitly stated that he’s off fucking limits in Saviors territory. He could walk through the Sanctuary in a Sons kutte and a SAMCRO shirt with a giant fucking sign over his head during a house party and all he would get is looks. And for those fucking idiots that can’t fucking comprehend that, they’ll answer to fucking Lucille.” You nodded your head and reached over to rest your hand on Opie’s knee.

“His parents, and Jax.” You said as you looked at your dad. “Mary…”

“Still in Boone.” Negan said with a nod. “She came back when the treaty was established.”

“His dad, Piney, and Jax need to be allowed to come, too.” You said with a glance over at your fiancé. “These two are like a package deal, and I can’t keep a grandfather away from his grandchild…”

“If that’s what you want, princess.” Negan said with a nod as he leaned back for Creature to jump on his lap. “I’ll make it happen.” You nodded your head and looked back up at Opie.

“Is that what you want?” He smiled and nodded his head as he reached out to cup your jaw in his hand.

“What I want is you, and for you and our child to be safe. However I have to go about getting it.  If that means moving back to your house, with the gorgeous views, and the hot tub we can’t use for a few months until our baby is born, which is such a hard ship, by the way.” He joked with a smile. “We’ll go back to Boone. And we’ll start our family, and get married, and live happily ever after.” You smiled and nodded your head.

“OK.” You breathed. “OK, we’ll go back to Boone.” Opie’s smile grew even more as he nodded his head and leaned forward to give you a chaste kiss. 

“Alright, kids. Get some rest.” Negan said as he put Creature down on the floor and got up from his chair. “We got a long fucking drive ahead of us.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“(Y/N), go sit the fuck down.” Negan said as you walked back over to your truck to help unpack it so you could go to bed.

“I’m fine, Dad.” You said as you reached in the bed to grab your bag of Creature’s things. Opie jogged up behind you, and snatched the bag from your hand with a scowl.

“Go. Inside.” He demanded a little shortly from lack of sleep since he and your dad had been trading off driving for the past 30 something hours. “Bed, now.” You couldn’t help but roll your eyes and relinquish your grip on the bag.

“I just can’t with you right now, Ope.” You sighed as you turned on your heel and took a step toward the door. He quickly reached out and grabbed your arm.

“Come here.” He said as he pulled you back in to his arms. He sighed and kissed the top of your head as you wrapped your arms around his sweaty middle. “I’m sorry, baby.”

“I know.” You said with a nod. He rubbed your back for a moment as exhaustion seeped deeper into his soul.

“Will you go sit down for me?” He asked calmly as he pulled you back to search your eyes. “Please? For me? We’re just bringing the bags in tonight, and your dad and I can handle these ourselves. And tomorrow, you can unpack to your little hearts content. You’ve been through a lot the last few days, and you need rest. Now please, please… go sit down.” You nodded your head with a small sigh as he leaned down to kiss your forehead.

“Don’t work too hard.” You said as you turned to head back inside. Your fiancé rolled his eyes at your back with a small smile and turned back to grab more bags as Negan walked up to his side. 

“She gets that tenacity from me.” He chuckled as he grabbed your bag of clothes. “Her mother was the only one that could reign both of us in.” He looked over at his future son-in-law and shook his head. “She’ll keep you on your fucking toes for the rest of your life. She’ll drive you fucking nuts, but she’ll make you fall in love with her every fucking day, too.” He threw your bag over his shoulder with a smirk. “But you know that as fucking well as I do. Good fucking luck, son.” Ope nodded his head with a huffed laugh as he picked up his duffle bag of clothes and the bag of ‘books’ you had been carting around that were hallowed out to store guns, knives, and ammunition.

“She’s worth it.” Ope said as he turned to follow Negan inside. “Pain or not, she’s absolutely fucking worth it.”

——

“I think we should start considering baby proofing this place.” You said as you looked at the blind cords hanging all over your living room. Opie looked over at you from the kitchen where he was making you both lunch with his eye brow raised.

“Hey baby.” He cooed with a cocky smile. “You know you’re still pregnant, right? Our son isn’t going to be crawling around, getting into anything for a long, long time.”

“Yea, but it goes by so fast.” You sighed as you watched Creature try to rip the leg off a stuffed duck. Your son pushed against your stomach, creating a ripple of movement under your blue maternity top so you pulled up the material to look at your belly. “You agree, little man? You’re growing so fast you’re running outta room in there.”

“Well of course he’s running out of room.” Your fiancé chuckled as he handed you your plate of two breakfast sausage patties on garlic Texas toast with dill pickle slices, and a side of mozzarella sticks with ranch and marinara sauce mixed in a small bowl, which you had lived on for most of your second trimester and all of your third, much to Opie’s disliking since the concept of it all just turned his stomach. “He’s a growing boy, aren’t you little man?”

“Are we just going to call him little man for the rest of all eternity?” You asked as he reached out, and pressed on your son’s palm so he would push back. “Because Hunter is such a perfect name…”

“It is a perfect name.” Opie agreed as he ran his finger over his son’s palm like he was shaking his hand. “But he’s my little man, isn’t that right?” He cooed as he leaned forward to kiss Hunter’s fingertips.

“You’re impossible.” You giggled as you took a bite of your sandwich. You moaned at how delicious it was, and rolled your head back on the couch. “I swear you’re getting better at this.”

“Not gunna lie.” He said as he picked up his Italian sub. “I’ll be glad when I can stop making them.”

“Well you got a week until my c-section. Just in time for Halloween.” You reminded him. “And then I’ll finally be able to sleep without a damn bowling ball sized child on my spine.”

“Or my hip.” Opie chimed in.

“Boo hoo.” You said as you pulled apart a mozzarella stick and dipped it in its sauce. “You sleep like a damn rock. Snoring away while I grow a person.”

“And why is that?” He asked, baiting you for the end of your rant like he did on a regular basis, since he had learned pretty quickly that arguing this point would get him no where.

“Because God hates women!” You snapped as you looked over at him. “God hates women, and likes to watch them suffer. Which is why I am semi-grateful that your giant son has a big ass head so I don’t have to go through the pain of child birth.”

“See, I’m useful somewhere.” Ope teased as he ate a chip from his plate. 

“Shut up, Opie.” You took another bite of your sandwich as someone knocked on your door and walked right in.

“Clean baby shit.” Negan said as he kicked the front door closed behind him and walked over to the coffee table to put down the laundry basket on the table followed by the container of Dreft baby safe laundry soap. “Frankie washed everything with warm water and the soap first, line dried it, then rewashed it in cold water with no soap, and lined dried it again.”

“You know I could have done it myself.” You said as you pointed at the basket and pat the couch beside you. “‘stead of having Frankie’s slut germs all over it.”

“Leave her the fuck alone.” He growled as he put the basket down beside you and looked at the meal he made for you all of one time when Opie was feeling under the weather. “Still eating that shit?”

“Fuck off.” You said as you wiped your hands on your maternity yoga pants and picked up a plaid, flannel button down that would hopefully fit perfectly for Hunter’s first Thanksgiving. “Is his Halloween costume in here?”

“Should be.” Negan said as he flopped down in the chair and kicked his feet up on the table. “Everything you had in those bags is in there.” You nodded your head as you dug through the basket until you found the Dalmatian patterned onesie to go with your Dalmatian outfit, and Opie’s fire fighter costume since the annual Saviors halloween party for kids involved mandatory costumes. You smiled as you held it up in front of you.

“I just hope he’s not to big for this. It’s a 0-3 month old size.” You said as you ran your fingers across the spots until you felt a flood of wetness between your legs as if you had stood up on your period. You sat up a bit, and looked down with your eyebrows furrowed. “I think my water just broke.” After only a moment of hesitation, Opie and Negan leapt to their feet.

“I got the bags!” Your fiancé shouted as he ran toward the stairs.

“I got the truck!” Negan called out on his way to the door. 

“Whoa, whoa!” You roared to both men. “You’re not going anywhere just yet!” Both men stopped to look at you as you put the costume back in the laundry basket. “First of all, will one of you help me the fuck up? I’m the one having a fucking baby, here! And second, we’re gunna stay fucking calm because I do not want this watermelon thinking it’s coming head first out of my fucking cooch today!” Opie nodded, and ran back around the couch, moving your plate off your bump, and carefully pulling you to your feet. You cringed as more water pooled between your legs and dripped down your thighs. You glanced at your dad on your way to the door, and gestured to the couch as the first, faint contraction pulled at your lower stomach. “Can you get Frankie to clean that cushion? I know she’s basically living at your house now.” Your dad rolled his eyes, and groaned as Opie held most of your body weight against him on the way out the door with a smirk on his face.

“You’re a fucking brat, princess.” Negan sighed as he followed you out the door to go get Frankie before he followed you to the hospital.

Part 5

[brn1029]

What went on on this date in music history….only the good stuff. Leave all that Madonna crap for some other place ☠️☠️☠️…

March 11th

1965 - Tom Jones

Tom Jones was at No.1 on the UK singles chart with 'It's Not Unusual.' The Welsh singer's first of 16 UK Top 40 hits during the 60s. Written by Les Reed and Gordon Mills, the song was first offered to Sandie Shaw. Jones recorded a demo for Shaw, and when she heard it she was so impressed with Jones's delivery that she declined the song and recommended that Jones release it himself.

1968 - Otis Redding

The Otis Redding single '(Sittin' On) The Dock Of The Bay' went gold in the US three months after the singer was killed in a plane crash. Recorded just days before his death, it became the first posthumous single to top the charts in the US.

1970 - Crosby, Stills, Nash & Young

Deja Vu, the first album by Crosby, Stills Nash & Young, (and the second by the trio configuration of Crosby, Stills, and Nash), was released. It topped the pop album chart for one week and spawned three US Top 40 singles: 'Teach Your Children', 'Our House', and 'Woodstock'.

1971 - Jim Morrison

Jim Morrison of The Doors arrived in Paris booking into The Hotel George's. The following week he moved into an apartment at 17 Rue Beautreillis in Paris. Morrison lived in Paris until his death on July 3rd 1971, (two years to the day after the death of the Rolling Stones guitarist Brian Jones, and approximately nine months after the deaths of Jimi Hendrix and Janis Joplin).

1972 - Neil Young

Neil Young went to No.1 on the US & UK album chart with his fourth studio album 'Harvest.' The album featured the US No.1 hit single 'Heart Of Gold.'

1972 - Harry Nilsson

Harry Nilsson was at No.1 on the UK singles chart with his version of The Peter Ham and Tom Evans song 'Without You'. First recorded by Badfinger in 1970, the song was also a No.1 for Mariah Carey in 1994.

1975 - 10cc

The Original Soundtrack, the third album by 10cc was released. It featured the world wide, multi million selling single 'I'm Not in Love' notable for its innovative and distinctive backing track, composed mostly of the band's multitracked vocals. The song was the band's breakthrough hit worldwide, reaching No.1 in Ireland and Canada and No.2 in the US, as well as reaching the top ten in Australia, New Zealand and several European countries.

1978 - Meat Loaf

Meat Loaf's Bat Out Of Hell album began a 416-week run on the UK chart. The album went on to become one of the most influential and iconic albums of all time and its songs have remained classic rock staples.

2005 - Ozzy Osbourne

The front door of Ozzy Osbourne's childhood home in Birmingham went up for sale because the current owner was fed up with fans defacing it. Ali Mubarrat, who now owned the house in Lodge Road, Aston, said over the years it had become a pilgrimage destination. He was now auctioning the door on eBay and giving the money to charity.

2009 - Iron Maiden

Iron Maiden's tour manager criticised people who were arrested for trying to gatecrash a concert in Bogota. Colombian police arrested more than 100 people after stones were thrown hours before the group were due to perform. In a statement posted on the band's website, Rod Smallwood said: 'We abhor the inane behaviour of a small minority of people outside.' Riot police fired tear gas canisters at those who tried to enter the concert without tickets.

2011 - Iron Maiden

The former singer with Iron Maiden was jailed for nine months for fraudulently claiming benefits. Paul Andrews, fronted the band between 1978 and 1981, under the stage name Paul Di'Anno. Andrews, 52, was jailed at the city's crown court after earlier admitting falsely claiming more than £45,000. Fraud investigators had viewed online videos and read about gigs on the performer's website.

2015 - Jimmy Greenspoon

Jimmy Greenspoon, keyboardist with Three Dog Night died after a long battle with cancer at the age of 67. During the course of their career, Three Dog Knight had 21 top 40 hits, including three No.1 singles.

2016 - Keith Emerson

English musician Keith Emerson died in Santa Monica, California, of a self-inflicted gunshot wound to the head after he had become 'depressed, nervous and anxious' because nerve damage in his hands had hampered his playing. Emerson found his first commercial success with the Nice, in the late 1960s and was a founding member of Emerson, Lake & Palmer (ELP), one of the early progressive rock supergroups.

2019 - Hal Blaine

Drummer Hal Blaine, one of the most recorded musicians in pop music history died of natural causes at his home in Palm Desert, California age 90. As a member of the The Wrecking Crew his drumming can be heard on songs such as Presley’s 'Return to Sender,' the Byrds’ 'Mr. Tambourine Man,' The Beach Boys 'Good Vibrations,' Simon & Garfunkel’s 'Bridge Over Troubled Water' and dozens of hits produced by Phil Spector, and the theme songs to 'Batman,' 'The Partridge Family' and dozens of other shows.

[staygoldtrash]

You quickly made your way out of the front doors of hell, or high school is what some people call it.  You waved and said bye to your friends as you all parted ways. Some girls hopped into their boyfriends cars, or their own, and the others simply walked or got picked up by their parent’s.

You on the other hand weren’t allowed to have a boyfriend, and you had only turned fifteen a few months ago and were not quite ready to get your permit yet. You took the bus home, your parents both having jobs and were always occupied with them. So sadly they couldn’t pick you up.

You didn’t really mind taking the bus, the only down side was you were the only Soc on your bus, and people loved to mess with you sometimes. You just simply ignored them, you usually sat in the back by yourself and read a book while you waited for your stop.

As you made your way to the bus, a car suddenly began to slowly cruise on the side of you. You stole a glance at the rusty pickup truck and saw four boys inside, greasers.

In your opinion, the whole greaser and Soc war was beyond stupid. You didn’t see the point in judging people based off of where they’re from, what they wear, or how much money they have. But greasers still sort of scared you, not because they’re greasers but the few you’ve came in contact with were very… Inappropriate.

“Hey, doll!” One of them shouted from the car.

You stopped in your tracks and slowly looked up at the car, now getting a good look at them. There were two sitting in the bed of the truck, to you that seemed really unsafe but they looked like they didn’t have a care in the world.

One had brown hair and green eyes, he seemed a little too young to be in highschool. The other had tan skin with black hair and dark eyes, he sent you a weary glance before returning to a conversation with the other boy.

And then there were two that were actually inside the car. The one in the drivers seat had greased rusty reddish looking hair, and a leather jacket. He was smirking whilst  chuckling as he looked at you, making you squirm uncomfortably.

And then finally your eyes set on the boy in the passengers seat, your knees beginning to wobble as you studied the handsomest boy you’ve ever seen. He had light, sandy brown hair, greased and combed in complicated swirls. His pretty blue eyes were staring right at you as he sent you a movie star smile and you swore you were going to die right there on the spot.

You looked around you, seeing if there could’ve been a mistake and he was talking to some other girl. Yet it seemed like everyone else was just going about their day and you were the only one near the car.

“Me?” You asked shyly.

“Yeah you!” The pretty boy exclaimed.

Your cheeks turned pink as you clenched your books tightly to your chest. You weren’t used to attention, let alone attention from a boy, a very good looking one at that. You had no idea what to do with yourself.

The boy in the drivers seat began to laugh a little harder as he whispered something in the pretty boy’s ear. But the boy just playfully punched his cackling friends arm before turning his attention back to you.

“Need a ride?” He asked you.

“Uh… Hmm…” You looked down at your saddle shoes, contemplating on what you should do.

“I-I can’t.” You stuttered.

“Why not?” He asked. “Got a boyfriend or somethin’?”

You shook your head, he smirked at the answer. He was hoping he had some sort of a chance to get a knock out like yourself.

“Well then why can’t ya?”

You nervously played with the hem of your light pink skirt, your teeth tugging on your bottom lip as you thought of what to say once more. You didn’t know these people at all, and even if you did get in the car your father was bound to find out you got a ride home from four greasers some how.

“I already have a ride…” You mumbled, looking over at the almost full bus across the street. “Sorry…”

With that you scurried away from the truck and to the bus, you were beyond embarrassed and quite frankly a little disappointed. You got in and sat in your usual seat, by yourself in the back.

“So stupid.” You whispered to yourself.

You threw your head back against the seat and sighed deeply, the embarrassment and shame was eating you alive. I probably look like such a baby, you thought. You closed your eyes tightly, almost wanting to cry. You just wanted to be able to communicate with guys normally like all of your friends, but that seemed impossible.

“Any one sittin’ here?”

You opened your eyes and nearly choked on your own spit once you saw the pretty boy standing right next to you. With your mouth slightly ajar, you shook your head and he sat down right next to you. He smirked at your astonished expression as the bus started up and began to drive.

“Hi.” You said dreamily.

He laughed, “Hi.”

“You take the bus?” You asked.

He shook his head.

“But… Well why did you get on?”

“I figured gettin’ on a bus with a pretty girl is way better than ridin’ in a car with those idiots.” He replied.

Your stomach began to do flips, he left his friends to get on some bus to sit with you.

“Oh.” Was all you could choke out, still in complete awe by his presence.

“What’s your name?” He asked.

“Y/N.”

“I’m Sodapop.”

The whole ride seemed so surreal, he talked to you the whole time and was a complete gentleman. And no one bothered even looking your way or tried to start trouble because instead of being alone, he was there with you. Each second that went by, you found yourself even more infatuated with him.

When it came to your stop, he got off with you and insisted he walk you to your front door. You agreed without any hesitation. The bus dropped you off only a few houses up from yours so it was a short, silent walk.

“Well… This is me.” You said quietly, trying to hide the disappointment in your tone.

“Nice place.” He said as he surveyed your house.

“Thanks.” You mumbled as the both of you walked up your front steps to the porch.

The both of you stood in front of your door, a sort of awkward silence enveloping you both. You were staring at each other, well he was staring at you hard, while you averted your gaze shyly every five second’s.

“Why are you staring at me like that?” You asked him quietly.

“Because you’re beautiful.”

You smiled at the ground, trying to hide your red cheeks and the big smile that was plastered on your face.

“I do enjoy looking at beautiful people, especially someone as gorgeous as you.” He continued.

“Oh stop.” You said breathlessly.

You finally met his stare, but didn’t look away this time. You couldn’t wipe the smile off your face, and he began to smile too. You even noticed the tint of pink on his cheeks, which made you feel good, because you hoped you weren’t the only one that was looking like a tomato.

“I will if I get your number.” He said smoothly.

Without any words, you ripped a piece of paper out of your notebook and wrote down your number. Your fingers brushed against each other when you handed it to him, which sent goosebumps to flood your entire body.

“I’ll see you around, doll.” He said as he made his way off your porch.

“Okay!” You squeaked.

You entered your empty house and leaned against your front door, sighing dreamily as you slid down to the floor.

“I think I’m in love.”

[homefryboy]

they play around too much

[ramblingthoughtsofayoungadult]

Haunted-Platonic!Tommy Shelby Imagine

Requested: Yes

Warnings: angst

 I’d done it, I had gone from Y/N Y/L/N to Y/N Palomo an hour ago. I dreamt about my wedding ever since I was the flower girl in my older cousin’s wedding ages ago. She was the type of pretty that was irritating, that smacked one in the face, and she looked even more brilliant in the giant white gown she wore as she walked down the aisle. Her husband couldn’t have been more plain though: average height, sandy brown hair, and round green eyes hidden behind big spectacles. But he loved her with every ounce of his being and everyone could see it. I wanted that, I wanted to be loved like that more than anything else.

   When I was eight, I knew that I would have yellow tulips in bouquet. When I was thirteen, I knew I wanted to marry a handsome, preferrably rich, man. When I was fifteen, I knew what dress I wanted. When I was twenty two, I knew that I wasn’t going to get married any time soon. My two sisters, one older and one younger, had found the men of their dreams and married them straight away. I was the oddball working like mad as a secretary for a local businessman in order to keep myself from moving back in with my parents. He was a kind, older man who paid me decently and let me off work early as usually as he could, but there was no real point. My only friend was Grace and she worked all hours of the day and  there was no way I wanted to be surrounded by the obnoxious happiness that my sisters and their husbands exuded whenever we were in the same room. Usually, I’d go back home, make dinner, and read a book. It was boring but what else did I have to do? I hated going to pubs looking for men because the men that frequented the pubs were drunks and gross. 

 Then, Grace, told me about her new assignment for work and asked me if I wanted to go with her. As unappealing as Small Heath sounded, anything seemed better than that town in Ireland. So, I told my parents that I would be going to England with Grace for work. They told me to write as often as I could, but I knew they were hoping that I would find a man. To be completely honest, I hoped I would too.

  Somehow, through the madness that came with being associated with the Peaky Blinders, I met Mateo Paloma at a party. He was incredibly handsome with his tan skin, dark wool tuxedo, and curly black hair. He had light brown eyes that made my heart skip a beat and an accent that made me blush. A few years of courting later, we were married, in Paris of all places. He was a romantic, like me, and thought that it was the finest place, next to Sevilla, to get married. Everything was perfect, from the music, the bridesmaids’ dresses, the groomsmen, and Mateo, but it was so obviously wrong.

   I had excused myself from the reception to get some air and sat down in a chair in the hallway of the Ritz. Silly, drunken girls giggled as they walked by with smug boys in tuxedos. Rather than smirk, all I could do was relish in the fact that something was extremely wrong, and I knew exactly what it was.

   My best friend wasn’t here.

   She should have been the maid of honor instead of my younger sister, who had complained the whole time that she needed a different dress to hide the bit of belly she still had after giving birth to her last child. 

   “Shouldn’t you be inside enjoying the party?” Tommy asked.

    He stood in front of me like a tall, dark glaring reminder of Grace. Everyone called me mad for inviting him and the rest of the Shelby clan to the wedding, but they were practically family to me. I had become pretty quick friends with the brothers, particularly Tommy. He would come into the Garrison when Grace would go on break and I was cleaning glasses. We talked a lot and he was a much more complicated person than most people thought. I grew to like talking to Tommy even though he pretrified me at first. It was strange when he got involved with Grace, though. Seeing them be affectionate with each other in front of me made me sick to my stomach, like it was wrong or something. But, they were good to each other and Grace had the kind of love a lot of women want: she got the bad man to be good for her. I envied her for it a little, but she was still my best friend at the end of the day.

   “I was enjoying it a little too much, that’s why I stepped out here,” I said with the fakest smile I could muster up.

   “You’re an awful liar,” Tommy said as he grabbed a cigarette from the inside of his jacket.

   “Is that why you never promoted me to work outside of the Garrison?” I teased.

   Tommy smirked and lit his cigarette. “Mind if I sit?”

   “Not at all.” 

   I gathered the silky ivory fabric of my skirt and pulled it aside ot make room for him. He sat down next to me and offered me the cigarette.

   “You look like you need it more than I do.”

   I hesitated before accepting it. I took a long drag before blowing it out into the hallway. “Well, I’m married.”

   “Congratulations, again.” 

   “Thank you. It’s marvelous, isn’t it----the wedding, I mean? Mateo’s sisters were a real help with color coordinating. It’s amazing what the Spaniards can do with colors, truly.” I smirked. “Grace probably would’ve thought that letting all three of my sister in laws help me plan was too much. Then again, she was always a bit more independent than me.” 

    “Aye, she was.”

    I frowned as I handed him back his cigarette. “Don’t make me sound clingy.” 

   “You’re not, just more obvious that you need people.” 

    “It’s fine, she’s always been the brave one. If it weren’t for her, I would’ve never left Ireland and never met Mateo.” I glanced at Tommy and nudged him. “Or you.”

    “I do remember that she had to talk you into not taking the first boat back once you got to Small Heath.”

   My eyes widened and I stared at him. “She told you about that.”

   “We were married, you’ll soon discover that it’s hard to hide things from your spouse.” Tommy chuckled.

    “Well, the flat we got was right crap and it smelled like ash and smoke all the bleedin’ time.”

   “Why didn’t you leave then?” Tommy asked.

   “I didn’t have any money,” I muttered, staring at my manicured hands.

   Then, Tommy did something he rarely does: laugh, a real genuine laugh. It was the first time I heard him really laugh since Grace died. He was a proper mess afterwards, holing himself up in his house, sleeping with every pretty woman he could----according to Pol, and even smoking opium. I saw him the day of the funeral and he was real quiet, a real shell of the man I once knew. It was frightening seeing someone who was so resilient break. The second time I saw him once a month before the wedding. Mateo had taken me to the races to see one of his real expensive horses race. We were in the private box and everything with all the other rich patrons. Then, I saw Tommy speaking with some woman in muddied horse boots and a long coat. He didn’t seem altogether there and when he was done speaking, I invited him to watch the races with me and Mateo, who liked Tommy anyway and didn’t mind. It took a little persuading, but Tommy gave in. He’d never been quieter before and I was afraid of how he’d behave at the wedding since it was happening only four months after Grace’s passing. So far, he’d been great.

   “Bloody hell, Y/N, it’s a good thing you married rich,” Tommy said.

   “Hey, I can make my own money if I want. I am a pretty good bartender,” I teased. 

   “Don’t think that’d settle too well with Mateo, seeing as Grace had to get you out of trouble so many times at the Garrison when I wasn’t there,” Tommy said.

   I rolled my eyes and felt my cheeks warm up. “I’ll never forget the first night we worked there. Grace was irritated with how quiet you can be and she wouldn’t shut up about it. I hoped that making her take drink orders while I cleaned and served would make her tell anyone else besides me about her problems with you.” I took the cigarette from Tommy. 

    “Did it work?” Tommy asked.

    “No, she got a little preoccupied when that one bloke, Jack, I think, I wouldn’t quit tryin’ to feel me up. I tried being polite but before I knew it, I was in his lap against my will. He kept trying to kiss me and all the other men laughed. Then, Grace came over, smashed a mug of beer on the table, and said ‘If you don’t let go of my friend, that’ll be your head’. I’ve never been shoved so quickly,” I said with a laugh. “When we went home, I got an earful about not letting men grope me and I hated it. I knew I should’ve been bolder, but I just froze. She saved my life so many times and I couldn’t return the favor.”

   As the tears rolled down my cheeks, I didn’t bother swiping them away. Three hours of getting my makeup done were laid to waste as I sat there and cried next to my best friend’s widower. Grace had done so much for me and I never repaid her for it. She got me a job in the Garrison when she got herself one, she was the reason I got invited to the party where I met Mateo, and she had gotten me out of several sticky situations, and all I’ve ever done was benefit from it. Now, she was dead and I could never return the favor.

   Tommy gently pulled me into his side. He didn’t move or anything, he just held me like that. “It’s alright, Y/N, you’re alright.”

   “Nothing’s right, Tommy,” I whispered. “She isn’t here, but she should be. She’d be scolding me right now for sittin’ out here and not enjoying the beginning of my marriage. It feels so wrong.”

   Tommy didn’t say anything for a long time, he just took the cigarette back and kept smoking it.

   “Does it ever get easier? Hurting like this?”

   “No, you just learn to deal with it better.”

   “Like you have?”

   “Like I have.”

   I pulled away from Tommy and smirked. “You know, you’re not completely terrible at consoling people.” 

   “Grace would disagree, said I was too distant often. She thought I fancied you for a while because we spoke so often and I’d rarely speak to her. But if it weren’t for you pushing me every bloody time we spoke, nothing would have happened between us.”  

   “Yeah, you wouldn’t have had Charlie.”

   “You did pay her back in a way. She once told me that you made her less cynical.”

   “Really?”

   Tommy nodded. “All your dreams of finding love and getting married and having a good life in spite of the situation you were in gave her hope. A bit might have rubbed off on me as well.”

   “Ever since I’ve known her, she’s called me unrealistic.” I grabbed his hand and squeezed it. “Thanks, Tom, I really needed this.”

   “The cigarette?”

   “Yeah, the cigarette.”

    When the next song came on, Tommy stood and held his hand out to me. “I hate to be the one to tell you that you can’t spend the entire reception out here crying with me.” 

    I accepted his hand and let him help me to my feet. “It’s my wedding, I should be able to do what I want.”

   “Not the case, love.” He handed me a handkerchief. “Use this so that everyone won’t think I’ve done something to upset the bride on her wedding day.” 

   I smiled as I tried to fix my face. “How do I look?”

  “Good.”

  We walked arm-in-arm back into the ballroom and no one batted an eyelash. The party carried on as usual except I got Tommy to dance with me a couple times before I had to make some more rounds with Mateo.  

    When Mateo and I got to our suite late that night, I had a feeling that no matter what I did or where I went, Grace would haunt me in a good way.

[spongebobsoundtrack]

Sage Guyton, Jeremy Wakefield - Drowsy Reef

Episodes

28. "Christmas Who?"

29a. "Survival of the Idiots" 

36b. "Krusty Love" 

38b. "Artist Unknown" 

47b. "Can You Spare a Dime?"

56a. "Born Again Krabs"

58b. "Plankton's Army" 

63. "Have You Seen This Snail?" 

76a. "The Thing" 

82a. "The Original Fry Cook" 

107b. "No Nose Knows" 

113b. "The Card"

120b. "Toy Store of Doom"

121b. "Shell Shocked" 

135a. "Back to the Past" 

137b. "Gary in Love" 

147a. "Hide and Then What Happens?" 

147b. "Shellback Shenanigans" 

165a. "House Sittin' for Sandy" 

174a. "Treats!" 

190b. "Tutor Sauce" 

196a. "The Fish Bowl" 

208a. "Snooze You Lose" 

211a. "Plankton Retires" 

219b. "Larry the Floor Manager" 

224b. "Scavenger Pants" 

268a. "A Place for Pets" 

Movies

F1. "The SpongeBob SquarePants Movie" 

[deputybodecker]

I think I’ve come to realize that I just want ya attached to me all the time. Want to be able to smell your hair, feel your skin, taste your lips, all the time. You flip on some I Love Lucy, it’s a rerun that I’ve seen before, but it didn’t really matter to me what we watched as long as you were content. You say somethin’ about beds and I don’t catch it at first, but then you explain that the Ricardo’s slept in separate beds, and ponder which one they fucked in- and that kind of filth comin’ outta your mouth pulls a warm chuckle from me. It woulda been unladylike for anyone else, but I just find it funny comin’ from you.

I don’t even answer the question, don’t have time to, because you notice the pictures I picked up from your house. I nod when you asked me if I hung ‘em, I did, I want you to be just as much a part of our home as I am and it’s hard to do that if there’s no pieces of you in it. Then you find the picture Sandy took’a me ‘bout ten years ago. When I was still an officer and about 40 pounds lighter. I considered not puttin’ it up at all, not real sure I wanted to give ya the comparison to what you coulda had if I hadn’t started drinkin’.

When you settle back on the couch with my old picture in your hands, tracin’ over the glass like you coulda fallen for that guy, it pulls at my gut. I’m not real sure I want it sittin’ out anymore. I pull your feet into my lap so some part of ya is touchin’ me and offer you a weak smile, sorry that I don’t look like that no more. You tell me I look lovely and I believe ya, I did look great back then, in my late twenties before politics and stress eatin’ got in the way of my prime. You set the frame down on the nearby table and crawl back over to me, restin’ your weight in my lap.

You hold my face like it’s gonna disappear if you let go, the prickle of the stubble I shoulda shaved this mornin’ stabbin’ into your palms. It’s like you’re searchin’ for somethin’, maybe that young fella from the picture, but I ain’t him anymore. Haven’t been him in a long time. I can’t help the way I wanna memorize every pore on your face. The way ya laugh, what makes you sigh, what you like to read, what kinda jokes you tell. I just want all’a you, wanna possess ya body, heart, and soul; and now that I’ve had a taste’a what that’s like, I don’t think I’d be a sane man without it.

You hide back into my neck again and my eyes slip closed, the feel’a you against me more like home than any house I’ve ever been in. My hands slow their tracin’ up and down your spine and I’m not quite sure I wanna put any kind of sexual thoughts in your head, knowin’ that comin’ outta the basement mighta made you a little fragile, but you push back against my hands, so I slide ‘em up your thighs and under your shorts, my fingers still against your skin. You sit up long enough to work my shirt and my undershirt off, barin’ my chest and gut to you so you can press your face against me. My heart must realize you’re listenin’ because it speeds up, the tenderness of you rollin’ over me in waves.

I gather you up in my arms again, makin’ sure that you’re on steady legs before I guide us both back to the bedroom. You stand patiently on your side while I turn it down, encouragin’ ya in and under the covers before I pace over to my side, flippin the lamp on as the sun starts to set. My pants fall into a pile at my feet, leavin’ me in my boxers to climb into bed with you. The sheets are cool against my skin, and I find myself seekin’ out your warmth again. When you weld yourself into my side I can feel it again, the growing urge to rip my own heart out and present it to you.

One arm hugs you close, while the other rests under my head, a contented sigh leavin’ me.

“You really don’t know how perfect you are, do ya?”

I decide to wait until tomorrow to tell ya’ that I’ve got to go back to work in a couple days, that thought’a leavin’ you here by yourself tearin’ me up inside.

I’m smart enough to have done my research after I met ya that night. You have a record so it wasn’t hard to figure out where ya were livin’. After that I could pull records on your whole family. At least the ones that had been through Knockemstiff. One’a the ladies down at the diner even had a mouth big enough to tell me about your family. Or what might’a been left of ‘em. You were takin’ care of a sick uncle or somethin’, Dolores had the good heart to tell me how sweet you were, even if you did like to get mixed up in a little trouble now and again. Told me how she would bring some extra food ‘round your place now and again just to make sure the both of ya were eatin’ alright. I listened intently to her, of course, any information I could get about ya would be invaluable to the plans I had set.

No sooner did the last piece of what I needed fall in place than the catalyst set everything in motion.

The funeral of your uncle was a somber affair, he was a veteran so we gave ‘im the proper sendoff. I made sure that the flowers I bought looked pretty, white lilies and red roses and a separate bouquet just for you. Just to make sure you had an opportunity to see how sorry I was that all’a this was happenin’ to ya. I hate that you’re all alone right now, but I know that it won’t be that way for much longer. I been keepin’ your files in my desk; every mention of ya in print locked away in a box that only I have access to. I was just waitin’ on that sick old fucker to die, and now that he’s restin’ peacefully six feet under, I’m ready to take what’s mine.

There’s a chill that’s runnin’ through the town as we close in on late fall and it’s got me tuckin’ my leather jacket up under my chin. I kill the headlights when I pull up to your house, careful not to shut the cruiser door too loud for fear’a wakin’ ya up so late in the night. I had Dolores deliver a bottle’a wine to ya, feignin’ some bullshit about me bein’ sweet on ya but too shy to deliver it right away. Told her I just wanted to see if it was somethin’ you’d like if I did bring it to ya, so that she would get you to have a glass without revealin’ the source. As I work the lock on your front door open and swing the door wide, I’m pleased to find that my plan went off without a hitch. Delores is slumped in an armchair next to the furnace and you’re sleepin’ peacefully on the couch next to her, soft snores reverberatin’ throughout the room, a sound I look forward to fallin’ asleep next to.

I scoop ya up into my arms, keepin’ the blanket under ya while carry ya back out to the cruiser, settlin’ you gently along the bench seat in the back, wired partition between us in case you woke up and got rowdy. Though with the amount of sedative I’d laced in the wine you drank, I imagine it’s gonna take another few hours before they even begin to wear off, more time than I need, but I know you need the rest, sweet angel. You ain’t gotta do anything by yourself ever again. I put everything back the way I found it in the house before I climb back into the cruiser and head back to my conservative two-bedroom home. It’s not the home I wanna settle in, but it’ll be nice as a little starter for us.

I carry you. bridal style, through the front door, everything prepared for your arrival. No one ever comes out to my house, I made sure of it. No one is gonna see the bars on the windows, or the locks on the outside of the doors. I lay you in your new bed, plush with feather pillows and a thick down comforter. I take a moment to just drink you in. Soft and pliant, I could take ya right now if I wanted to, but I resolve to wait. I want ya awake and responsive when I drive the thickness of myself inta your tight, weeping cunt. Want ya to cry and beg. I cover ya up, tuck ya in nice and tight so you don’t catch a cold, and press a kiss to your temple, smellin’ the soft lavender of your hair as I do. Breakin’ you is gonna be the most rewarding thing I’ve ever done, I can feel it in my chest, and I’m eager to watch ya fall apart so I can put ya back together just how I want.

@viridescent-steph

[jodiwalker]

The Best Things Happening on Game of Thrones Right Now

If the current season of Game of Thrones is fan service, then consider me — a fan — serviced, and sign me up, baby. We've been through the hard stuff, we deserve this. This series has finally broken through the stratosphere of TV criticism and into the land of pure joy where Arya can be both a raging lil' sociopath and a beloved protagonist.

So this is neither a review nor a recap, a critique nor a thoughtful analysis influenced by my superior status as a "book-reader." Instead, it is the most advanced of all literary art forms: a list of I've been tickled by in the first two episodes of season 7. The best things happening on Game of Thrones right now definitively are:

Very Silly Reveals That Are Supposed to Change the Game (of Thrones) But Are Kind of Just Really Obvious Solutions

1. There's a Shit Ton of Dragon Glass at…Dragonstone

Of all the things I expected out of this season—reunions, rifts, Cersei dramatically guzzling wine, Arya masked-murderin', Dany sittin' on thrones, hopefully the glorious return of Gendry's biceps—I never anticipated quite this much focus on igneous rocks. Jon Stark's laser focus on digging up dragon glass is starting to sound like a Goop newsletter, and it's not that I wouldn't subscribe (imagine: the fur recs! the tips for sultry lashes! the straightforward syntax without any annoying exclamation points!), it's just all a little more plainly sated than I expected. Jon calls, like, eight Big Chamber Meetings to tell all the Northern elders, plus Lil' Lyanna Mormont that their number one priority is to find dragon glass because it's the only thing they can create weapons out of in mass to kill white walkers. Those meetings go a little something like this:

Jon: How are we gonna kill white walkers?!

Northerners: DRAGONGLASS!

Jon: And where are we gonna find it?!

Sam, from Oldtown: AT—AND YOU'RE REALLY NOT GOING TO BELIEVE THIS—DRAGONSTONE!

[Ed. note: I've edited out the regular interruptions from Sansa that give me extreme conflicting emotional anxiety, but we'll get to those later in the "So You're Co-Ruling with Your Half-Sister Who's Actually Your Cousin and She's Recently Developed a Mind of Her Own After Surviving Extreme Trauma" section.]

Sending Sam to Oldtown to train as a maester is like the coconut oil/Franks RedHot of Westeros: that shit works on everything. At the Citadel, Sam begins scooping soup, souping poop (in a scene I would have exchanged for an hour-long loop of gruesome murders), and most importantly, sneaking into the restricted section of the library like some sort of chubby lovechild between Voldemort and Harry Potter. He even gets shut down by Jim Broadbent (aka Archmaester Marwyn, absolutely killing the wise, gives-no-shits maester game) and sneaks in anyway. And what did Samwell find in the restricted section?

Well, Sam steals maybe five books and finds the exact answer he needs, plus one he didn't even know he should be looking for—more on that in a minute.

And you know what? That's kind of dumb and unrealistic, but Sam deserves this. He's had a tough life and his dad is a jerk that wanted to kill him and his brother is (well, used to be) the hot guy from Unreal, and everyone shits on him all the time even though he is legitimately the nicest person alive in their godforsaken, feces infested world — dude has earned finding the solution to saving mankind after exactly 10 minutes of cozy reading with his cute wildling life partner and their ageless baby.

So, Sam finds out (via a super lame picture that Jaime could have drawn with his strong hand) that there's a big ol' dragon glass mine at—you're not going to believe this—Dragonstone. All they've gotta do is dig it up. Well, and, y'know, get past Daenerys Targaryen, heir of Dragonstone who recently arrived on its sandy, glass-filled shores. And that other thing that Sam found?

2. The Cure for Greyscale is Just…Peeling Off the Greyscale

Well, no fucking shit, Sam.  I mean, listen, I know I was just singing the kid's praises, but it's pretty crazy to act like you just found the magical cure for Greyscale in your magical secret books when that cure is…peeling off the Greyscaled skin and then putting a bunch of medieval Neosporin on it. But whatever, it's really sweet that Sam wants to help Jorah Mormont so badly because of his affection for Lord Commander Mormont and is willing to flay him to save his life (and definitely give himself Greyscale with the way he's using those gloves). So go ahead, Sam, peel off that Greyscale in your secret Dr. Pimple sessions—your solution might be obvious, but at least it's not dumb, dumb, dumb…

3. The Dragon Feller That's Just…a Crossbow

So, John is concerned with defeating the white walkers because, y'know, strong moral fiber and a her survivor's guilt complex and all that. But Cersei is mainly concerned with defeating anyone who would try to take the Iron Throne from her that she didn't already blow up with magic fire. And that means she's got to look alive about the tiny blonde Targaryen heading her way who's bringing, along with her legitimate claim to the throne, her three big ass dragons that were, coincidentally, born from a magic fire.

It's going to take something big to defeat those dragons. Something magical. Something much more powerful than even wildfire. Something like…

A BIG ASS CROSSBOW, BABY! Yeah, that will be great for killing dragons — if the dragons are sitting still, 1,000 years old, and already dying peacefully of natural causes. It's okay, Qyburn. They can't all be skull-crushing Frankenzombies held together by Husky R' Us armor level ideas, buddy.

Arya and Her Whole Thing

I remember when How to Get Away With Murder premiered there were a bunch of think pieces that were all, Finally! A Female Anti-Hero for Us to Love Just Like All Those Dude Anti-Heroes We Loved on A&E and HBO! Of course, no one loved Viola Davis' anti-hero like they loved Walter White because people don’t like to love flawed women like they like to love flawed men (and the show's not as good, but Viola is). And so, when Arya gave the best revenge performance of all time at the top of the season 7 premiere, there were a bunch of (to be fair, legitimate) articles that were all Should We Really Be Rooting for Arya? Is Arya a Sociopath Now? Arya Sure Looked like She Wanted to Kill Ed Sheeran, an Innocent Soldier, Who We Will Tell You Later How WE'D Like to Kill, But for Different Totally Valid Reasons.

So let me just say, yes! Arya is a probably a semi-psychopathic now, and yes! We should be rooting for her. She is but a simple mercenary setting out to avenge the death of her loved ones using humble blood magic. Yes, she killed Walder Frey, and yes, she fed him to his sons, and yes she then skinned him and wore his face in order to poison all those sons who she had just fed a pie made out of their dad, but you know what she also did…spared the women who hadn’t done anything wrong except be born into that nasty family. And yes she maybe only spared them to have this bad ass parting line, delivered with just perfect level-headed menace by Maisy Williams: "When people ask you what happened here — tell them the North remembers. Tell them winter came for House Frey."

But she is Arya and I love her, and I support her in anything she does…unless she kills any of the characters I like, in which case I will have to write some think pieces.

Sibling Dramzzz: Stark Edition

And speaking of Starks you have to keep your eye on, Sansa and Jon are having kind of a hard time co-parenting the North, and that's probably because people just loooove putting Jon in charge, even though Sansa should kind of technically be in charge, the only problem is, that Sansa's so annoying. Now, Sansa has made large strides toward being less annoying. But for every two steps forward (occasionally telling Lord Baelish to go fuck himself, knowing about war, not being a moralizing idealist), she interrupts Jon six times in their council meetings and tells him how stupid he is.

And listen, I get it — I have siblings. No one knows you better, and no one knows they know you better. When someone acts like they understand you better than you understand yourself, and worse, they're probably right, it can be trying. When Sansa tells Jon that he's going to get his head chopped off like his virtuous father and brother before him, she's not necessarily, but she is annoying. In a made-up world with dragons and child-sacrifice and, like, constant incest that's often not very relatable, I find this Jon and Sansa stuff frustratingly relevant.

The complexity of familial bonds is a language that spans universes (I mean, I guess that's ignoring the thing I just said about near-constant incest), so when Sansa says just the right bratty thing — "Joffrey never let anyone question his decisions, do you think he was a good king?" — to set Jon off, or when Jon and Sansa get on the same page about something, then he immediately changes his mind and announces it at the dinner table, so she questions his decision in front of all their gossipy cousins…it's normal family stuff, just at much higher, head-chopping stakes.

My great fear is that the tentative but often sweet partnership these two eldest "children" of Ned Stark have formed will somehow be ruined by Littlefinger. So boyyyyyy was it gratifying when Jon choked his old ass out when he was all I wanted to fuck your step-mom and now I want to fuck your half-sister, just thought I'd tell you that right here in front of your dead dad's crypt. And mannnnn was it concerning when Sansa backed down from publicly challenging Jon about his decision to leave the North and sale to Dragonstone the moment she learned he was leaving her in charge of the North in his absence, then immediately looked to Littlefinger for…what? Approval? Guidance? Shared joy? None are great options.

Just get though this Jon and Sansa  — I promise you’ll be best friends when you’re adults!

Sibling Dramzzz: Greyjoy Edition

Yo, this family is Messed! Up! Theon jumped off a ship rather than risk saving his sister Yara from their super-pirate uncle who's now taking Yara, Ellaria, and the last remaining Sand Snake, Tyene as his gift to Cersei which will totally make her want to marry him so he can be king, I guess, and not just of his raggedy salt islands.

It will never not be distracting how much Euron looks like Pacey though. If Pacey had a run-in with an H&M clearance rack and the entire smoky eye section of Sephora.

Sibling Dramzzz: Lannister Edition

And speaking of Cersei's current romantic status: Jaime is giving her a looooot of side-eye because she's, y'know, terrible. But she is doing a really fun thing this season where she's constantly recapping how much she hates everyone while subconsciously remaining us how much everyone hates her in return. While roaming around her Etsy map of Westeros, Cersei tells Jaime: "Enemies to the east. Enemies to the south: Ellaria Sand and her brood of bitches. Enemies to the west: Olenna, the old cunt, another traitor. Enemies to the North: Ned Stark's bastard has been named King of the North, and that murdering whore Sansa stands beside him. Enemies everywhere, we're surrounded by traitors!"

Girl, anymore zingers and maybe a concluding paragraph, and they'll give you a byline at Vulture. It is my one true hope that Jaime will realize his sister is insane and kill her before she kills him or Tyrion.

Everything Lil' Lyanna Mormont Does

I don't care if it's Disney-Channel-level precocious, I don't care if they're just giving us more of what we want…actually, I do care. Give me more of what I want! And what I want is the Lil'est Lady of Bear Island repeatedly telling a bunch of giant grizzled dudes to STFU. "I don't plan on knitting by the fire while men fight for me," she says when it's proposed that girls should be trained to fight in the war to come. "I might be small and I might be a girl, but I am every bit as much a Northerner as you. And I don't need your permission to defend the North." Yes, my tiny queen! I don't know if they heard you in the back, but at this point in time, just about every major house in the realm is run by a woman And speaking of…

Jon and Dany Said Each Other's Names and Hopefully That Will All Be Fine

That's it, that's all I needed. Now they can either become best friends or fall in incestuous Targaryen love, there is no other option.

Images: HBO; BlondieTVJunkie/tumblr