#hot guy alert amiright

[pnkq]

[p1nkgl0ve]

every tmbg album in a nutshell

idc if i skipped albums it's my post my choice

THE PINK ALBUM 1: paranoia??????? 2: puppet heads 3: writer's block 4: i hate my life 5: oh no home invasion 6: why did my gf leave me :( 7: i'm a dad 8: kids with rabies are weird 9: the beatles suck ass ngl 10: FGEBUHIWJOKPOFJEH(W*)POKD 11: aNgeLS aRe rEaL 12: MY DOG FUCKING DIED 13: okay what the fuck 14: schizophrenia 15: disfigurement is cool 16: i don't wanna fucking die 17: stereotyping is real guys 18: huh 19: idk what this song is about but it's silly

LINCOLN 1: long distance relationship 2: MOOFBEHUJWIRU#*u9IKM 3: don't do drugs 4: male pattern baldness 5: parodies are fun 6: childhood nightmares amiright? 7: is this a metaphor for being a piece of shit 8: don't be sad bro 9: goddamn i sure love war 10: HAHA PUNS 11: abusive relationships frfr 12: fuck santa claus 13: fuck the haters 14: DIVORCE :D 15: whaaaaaat theeeeee fuuuuck 16: handstands are cool ig 17: i am going to kms 18: manipulating people to get what you want is awesome

FLOOD 1: self-advertising 2: nightlights are epic 3: COWBOY DIVORCE 4: history is cool 5: reincarnation 6: DON'T BE RACIST I AM A BUILDING 7: this can be a metaphor for anything 8: it's not the 1960's dude 9: cool rocks 10: stop moving chairs KYLE it's not cool 11: old people 12: this one's for all those lower-class workers 13: birds are so epic 14: more like taking a shit in the park 15: who the fuck is this guy 16: cave people 17: abusive relationships AGAIN 18: self-advertising AGAIN 19: the goddamn berlin wall

APOLLO 18 1: death lol 2: palindromes are so epic 3: enlarged to show texture 4: doppelgangers bro :( 5: biology class 6: is this about drugs 7: everyone skips this song 8: guitars are epic 9: pavlov's dog 10: why do they love singing about hateful relationships 11: why is this intro so fucking long 12: is this about jesus 13: wooooaaaaahh space 14: don't be shy bro 15: DEATH!!!!! 16: magicians 17: my adhd brain 18: oh finally an instrumental

JOHN HENRY 1: dreaming about death XD LOL 2: snails are amazing 3: getting stoned is cool 4: COWBOY DIVORCE AGAIN?? 5: LEAN 6: this song was made for neurodivergents (in a good way) 7: french is cool 8: alice cooper is so fucking cool 9: does anyone even like this song 10: why does this song even exist bro 11: jail and greek philosophers 12: religious cults 13: this is apollo 18 all over again 14: it's giving tomorrow never knows by the beatles 15: SPOILER ALERT: james ensor 16: "it's too hot" "it's too cold" OH MY GOD AN EXPLOSION 17: stalker 😒 18: roblox jailbreak 19: what 20: woah this is darker than i thought it would be

FACTORY SHOWROOM 1: whore slut bitch cunt 🥰🥰🥰 2: drugs? AGAIN???? 3: transgender 4: i see dead people 5: song of the summer 6: the original song was better 7: dysfunctional family 8: new wave battle 9: hypnotist of ladies's evil cousin 10: presidents are cool 11: ya like jazz 😏 12: I HEAR YOU 13: this is like take me to church by hozier but cooler

LONG TALL WEEKEND 1: oh my god we get another instrumental 2: mink car foreshadowing 3: lesley gore is an icon 4: rats are awesome 5: oh no we lost our token 6: mink car foreshadowing again 7: women are epic 8: this is such a vibe 9: evil 10: violence and killing and murder and crimes :3 11: nuh uh 12: oh shit we got lost oh fuck 13: shhhh don't cry 14: backwards shit 15: thomas edison is a bitch

MINK CAR 1: i love your hair 2: i don't need haters 3: overstimulation 4: goofy ahh 5: this is so corny-2000's-boy-band-love-song-core 6: i am a vampire be afraid 7: aw man you're just a sombrero 8: groovy 9: i am miserable 10: alcoholism 11: it's like that one meme 12: lmao you're so fucking old (psst you're gonna die soon) 13: omg i got run over by a fucking bedazzled car 14: evil skrunkly 15: stop fucking lying 16: who even- 17: james bond inspector gadget idk

THE SPINE 1: homestar runner 2: why is kermit here 3: working in an office is cool 4: holy shit this is so good 5: tomfoolery 6: beach boys reference 7: i hate bastards 8: later on.... 9: abusive relationships back at it again 10: caffeine got me like 11: CUNTY 12: french AGAIN?? 13: HOORAY 14: broke in two like a glowstick 15: writer's block makes a comeback 16: sobbing rn

THE ELSE 1: sarcasm at it's finest 2: YOU DON'T NEED THAT BASTARD IN YOUR LIFE GIRL 3: turn that frown upside down 4: someone call an exorcist 5: coraline moment 6: AHOY THERE MATEYS 7: bruh it's so dark. i guess i'm WITH THE DARK HAHAHA 8: omg clone high reference?? 9: woah that's fucked up 10: damn it my hope just withered 11: bro i need my dictionary 12: amnesia moment 13: it is not the late fourth millennium BC

JOIN US 1: fuck everyone and everything 2: hey girl are you a girl because you look like a girl 3: you're crazy😂😂😂 4: cryptids are epic 5: shut the fuck up you bitch 6: rapunzel 7: woohoo 8: i am a gifted burnout kid 9: can you die rn lmao 10: okay so what 11: ily judy 12: in my hopeless romantic era 13: this is such a vibe 14: don't text and drive 15: dogs 16: what year is it 17: what 18: "i don't like this song" AND IT DOESN'T LIKE YOU EITHER

NANOBOTS 1: go to the fucking hospital 2: what the fuck does this even mean 3: huh 4: this is so fire 5: scooby-doo ahh song 6: my mom died 7: fuck elon musk 8: i must eep 9: FIRE SONG ABOUT REBELLION 10: i am going to go cry 11: fuck the past this is the present 12: shhh these are 9 secret steps 13: bees love your mind 14: hmmmmm 15: nouns are epic 16: ROBIN GOLDWASSER 17: insects and hospitals 18: predicament 19: ooh funky 20: weirdcore bitches be like 21: WHO'S DAVE 22: tiktok alt kids be like 23: and why he eepy 24: such a vibe 25: you can't kill me haha

GLEAN 1: a beautiful mix of death and love 2: i love being alive dude 3: new superhero idea MARVEL GET ON IT 4: this is goofy ahh 5: bro i'm just tryna get you to like me 6: wow what an amazing connection to the real world 7: fight me 8: it's giving musical 9: boyfriends suck 10: incoherent 11: i'm sorry women 12: stop being a pussy 13: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA 14: TRES BON 15: MORE INSTRUMENTALS???

PHONE POWER 1: you're crazy bro 2: ily but not like that 3: kidnappings are fire 4: imagination! 5: stop being mean to detroit 6: goofy ahh 7: bloody noses bro 8: i thought this was gonna be like that matt & kim song 9: 4th of july 🦅🇺🇲 10: cryptids again 11: dial-a-song song 12: shut up bitch imma haunt you 13: what this title makes no sense 14: i'm sorry woman 15: woah shapeshifting 16: better than the original frfr on god no cap big facts 17: okay... 18: self-advertisement

I LIKE FUN 1: is this gonna be over bro 2: astral projection 3: AAAA AAAAAA 4: back in my day 5: salty ass bitch 6: this slaps so hard 7: I LIKE FUN BRO 8: banger 9: microphone 10: take a walk on the sunny side 11: turn on the lights 12: aaa nessie 13: what 14: nick offerman 15: WE DIE ALONE WE DIE AFRAID WE LIVE IN TERROR WE'RE NAKED AND ALONE AND THE GRAVE IS THE LONELIEST PLACE

BOOK 1: just to refresh your memory (our last album was from 2018) 2: aaaah di ahh di ah di ah di yay 3: everyone hates me bro 4: CAN'T CUT IT AS AN ARTIST 5: snow 6: it's not just for winnipeg 7: aw man what happened to my dream 8: stupid clown 9: poison is epic 10: where the fuck is thursday 11: you wanna believe me but you can't 12: i'm super cool 13: hmmm 14: i ain't a clown 15: 0 is less than 1

[echocharm17618]

some soft Luke and cute juke 🤦‍♀️🤷‍♀️ Alive guys So this request comes from me being sick and wishing I had had boy take care of me and cuddle me- set in high school Juke dating morning before Luke leaves for school he's alerted by Julie that's she's sick with flu , so he decides to fake ill  (thermometer under the  light trick and hot forehead) to parents stay home   go to julies to care for her for the day even though she told him he didn't have to.   Cute fluff

Hello Anon! I love this and I am working on it! It may take a few days(life amiright?) But it's on the way ☺️☺️

[hjazysol]

Chapter 3: A New Ambition

Summary:

To avoid complete capture from an unexpected arrival. New plans must be made to continue dreams that still have yet to be properly achieved.

__________

This mysterious sword wielder sat comfortably with crossed legs slowly witnessing the life of the student he had just cut down wither away. A sake jug floated down gently towards his hand, taking a deep gulp of drink once it reached him. After wiping his mouth dry. He announced it.

"Finally. That kids heart has finally stopped beating. The rhythm has been silenced."

"OI!? WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING!?" Hokori was pissed. Even though he had no real connections with Manto he wasn't just about to sit idly by and let a murder go without judgment. "WHAT KIND OF HERO WOULD DO SUCH A THING!?"

With arms clad in iron Hokori jumped at Asa fired a punched at him. Flicking up the sword from the ground with one foot he blocked Hokori's punch with the swords momentum alone.

"Oh? A hero? You're mistaken. I have a hero Liscense yes. But all things considered I am a prison guard & executioner first and foremost. As far as I'm concerned I'm to treat the vast majority of criminals as equals. You're all pieces of gum that's been spat out onto the sidewalk. You're just there for people to step all over you then feel disgusted when they see you stuck to their foot bottom."

"Don't bother using your meaningless metaphors on me!"

"Oh? Would that be because they disturb you perhaps? I wouldn't blame you really I-"

"No it's just that I'm too stupid to understand. I'd never understand and you'd just be wasting your time!" Hokori said in a very serious & surprising way it was so odd that Asa actually buffered in real life. "Hey guys! I'll beat this guys ass! You all hurry and get out of here."

"Oi oi. There's no way you kids are really that clueless? You bastards have all been exposed on the news earlier today. Since it's pretty obvious you're all oblivious. I'll enlighten you. Besides if you actually know what you guys are guilty for maybe then you'd be willing to come along perhaps."

____

~Earlier that day in a News Office Building~

"Man. What an absolute legend that hero is. All Might! The symbol of peace!" A Publisher for the aptly named Dark Time News, Osseka Kamera an infamous reporter who focuses her research on the stuff that absolutely no sane person should think of looking for.

"Look right here!" She pointed at a tv screen it was on a piece of unshared footage of All Might's fight against the sludge villain from around 10 Months ago. "You see this skeletal looking man here. Watch. He turns round the corner out of sight. Then BOOM! ALL MIGHT! If you fellas are picking up what I'm putting down at the table for you. Then notice this. All Might didn't react until this broccoli boy got involved"

"So that boy must have some deep connection with All Might ma'am?"

"ABSOLUTELY! I have 3 working theories right now either this is All Might's kid or something, he really likes this kids gusto for being able to go out there when he's clearly quirkless or that skeleton looking dude really is just some different person and All Might just so happens to appear. But that's stupid amiright. No ones thinking that last one. It lines up to perfectly!"

"I mean the last one is possible m-"

"Shut up Stibu! Go get me another coffee! I feel like this ones gonna disappear real quick!"

"But ma'am the-"

"Stibu do you really want boiling hot coffee poured on your eyes and balls??? Is that what you want?"

"NO NOT AT ALL!"

"THEN GET MY DAMN COFFEE!" She chucked an empty cup at him which he almost failed to catch. Before being alerted by a shoulder tap from her main helper. Sanama

"Will we let that information out ma'am."

"NO SANA-SAN!THINK! He's the symbol of peace! If something this big were to be leaked he'd never catch a break from anyone. People would think he's actually really weak or something. No one wants that... ... ...Blackmails fine though! So get to it Sama you're my most trusted girlfriend! Come on our profits won't make themselves!"

"Yes ma'am! You heard her get going all of you!" All her workers scattered away to go find All Might. Osseka slammed her desk with a shit eating grin on her face. "I LOVE MY JOB!"

"So you love to ruin lives is what you're saying?" Sat up on the windowsill was a the same man with the water Quirk seen earlier. Osseka at first glared at him. Which soon changed to a welcoming smile.

"Kurakawa! How are you today!?"

"Nothing much. What have you sent those guys out in a hurry for?"

"Oh nothing serious. Just to bribe All Might."

"Well. Before they head out. Are you aware of. The Devil Akumara?"

"He who is not to be spoken of? Anyone alive 16 years ago knows of him what's your point?"

"Are you also aware of the scientist. Akira Kamijiru? Or the family within the shadows? Or perhaps even illegal artificial Quirks?"

"Yes yes! All terrifying legends within their own rights though Kamijiru was never a monster simply he was naive. But enough build up man! Tell me what you know already."

"There is a class within UA's Hero Course that's never been there previously. All students have been given codenames along with an extremely detailed info sheet far beyond that of a regular school report. As an example take this. Hatsu Sakimoto. Age 17. Quirk: Sticky Bomb. And instead of talking about this students progress and how good they are with their powers. There's this."

~Hatsu Sakimoto has been known as the "Little Bomber." At the age of 3 his Quirk awoke and the power behind the bombs he could bring out were enough to bring down office buildings. 10 years later on two individual accounts he was seen enjoying the destruction he caused. Luckily as he became more independent he only ever targeted abandoned buildings but at this point multiple pro heroes would assume through his life he could quite possibly bring down a skyscraper.~

Osseka grabbed the papers from Kurakawa and begun scanning each of them head to toe. "This! This is incredible! A whole class. Of...Of! Freaks! Absolute monsters! I can't believe it haha! All of these students have a dark tie in with society. It would appear most have grown unaware of the threat they cause to people. They have no clue what their past is? They're on the borderline of heroism & villainy. This is exhilarating...And I assume that this is where I come in?" She smiled mischievously.

Her body began turning blue and pixely. "GUYS! FORGET BRIBING ALL MIGHT! Let's just scare the ever living shit out of the entirety of Japan! Bring out the wires and hook me up. I'm broadcasting this now!"

~Osseka Kamera. Quirk: Holographic. She can turn into a holographic image which if connected to different wires and outlets can be protected onto any screen that's connected to her. Anything she touches that isn't electrical becomes Holographic aswell. But to her it feels the same as if it were a normal object.~

In no time her image was instantly projected onto every screen in Tokyo. "Shishishishi. In Tokyo news will surely spread like a wildfire. Just thinking about this makes me all tingly downstairs."

"Errrr. Osseka you're connected right now."

The way she "I'm aware..."

"... ...Weird."

"Hello there world! I've got big, very illegal, news to share. Recen-" Everyone who saw the giant holographic woman on their screens immediately sighed at the sound of her voice & at the sight of her. They're all very familiar with her. "...Wow, rude...Anyway! Recently! A super secret classroom in the *cough* 'Flawless' UA Hero Academy was created. And what was it for, you ask? Well here"

Osseka swiped the papers along onto the screens of Tokyo in a row of 4.

"20 Students! And I'm certain you're aware of each ones. 'Glorious' fame around the country am I wrong. We just love these guys don't we the names will all bring you horrid memories. Especially if you'd the pleasure of witnessing what made them scary. And I hope some of you older folks are prepared. But that's including. 'The Devil'

It was as though time had frozen a large collective of people broke into a cold sweat. The stress. It was suffocating. "She's speaking about that awful Quirk!?"

"And the awful man who weilded it! We all know. He was executed for his crimes against society. But what I'm sure the media neglected to share with you all. Is that he had a son. A son who was enrolling at UA! There by endangering every single person inside. So now I ask the ever expanding hero society. What will you do to make sure. His Child...No...The entire of Class 1-S don't receive any information about the past you've chosen to hide from them? SHISHISHISHI! GOOD LUCK KEEPING THE ENTIRETY OF JAPAN QUIET YOU JACKASSES!"

Osseka left from Japan's screens returning back to normal back in her office room. "There we go Kurakawa perfect. I've done everything necessary. All that's required for this society to feel even the slightest bit pressured. Is a simple push. But in this case....Shishi!. I'VE JUST DROPPED A 10000 TON WEIGHT ON EVERYONES BACKS."

"Well?...What do they do now?"

"The heroes are obviously gonna lose their shit. One thing they'll try looking for me like that's ever gonna end well. But there are other factors regarded for those kids."

"What would those be?"

Osseka laughed to herself as she turned to face the water villain with a hand infront of her face and a downright devilish smile. "Shishishishi~ Can't you see!~ Shishi! They're going to kill those bastards!~ SHISHISHISH- Eh?..." one of her assistants Stivu was still stood in the same place as when he was at from when he was first called for.

"... ... ...EH!? STIVU WHY HAVEN'T YOU GOT ME ANOTHER COFFEE YET!?!?"

"I was trying to tell you miss the Coffee machines broke!"

"WHAT THE HELL DO YOU MEAN YOU BROKE MY COFFEE MACHINE! BASTARD!' Osseka threw the empty coffe cup at her assistant knocking him out cold. Meanwhile Kurakawa scratched his head then shrugged. "I-... ...I don't think that was what they just said..."

____

"You see with that mad women's actions of exposing you kids to the public. All those within your generation who had no idea what threats within you existed. They know what could happen. Not to mention after The Devil's previous actions. After seeing todays random newsflash by that crazy lady Osseka. Veterans to your infamous reputations would much rather you be dead. Which is why I'm here. As you can Manto Horitsu is already dead."

"HEY SWORD GUY! I'M GONNA BEAT YOUR ASS."

"... ... ...Oh?"

Grabbing him by the shoulders and pulling Hokori back suddenly was Takaishi his whole body trembling. "OI OI! DON'T BE STUPID DID YOU NOT SEE THAT POOR KID? HE'LL KILL YOU TO! B-Besides! Maybe if we go willingly he won't need to kill you. Then we can just clear up this obviously huge misunderstanding! I-I bet Manto's not even dead yeah! How would he know his hearts stopped bleeding?"

"Oh yeah that's true he'd have no clue...Unless that's a Quirk of his that let him know." Asa dropped from his pedestal. And reassuringly patted him on the head. "That's a very commendable theory. Clearly you are not a stupid boy. Dreadlocked boy. Haha!"

"Dehahahaha! Yeah!"

"But... I'm afraid none of that's true...I've been explicitly ordered to murder you...There are your run of the mill villains but your execution is far more required than alot of infamous killers out there such as people like Stain. The acceptions to this being Ikazuchi aswell as Honoka. And my Quirk isn't something that you should concern. Now die."

"Dehahaha. You fool. Clearly someone didn't do their homework."

"Hmm?"

"You may know my Quirk gives my fingers as much power as a sniper rifle? But if you think that's all then you'd be greatly underestimating me!" Takaishi pointed all his fingers towards the ground diagonally. And in response Asa leapt back.

"A rocket!?" The force burst him backwards into everyone behind him. Everyone of them ended up following Takaishi on the departure from the ground, getting launched far far from UA leaving Asa speechless.

Midflight they all began to scatter away from one another. Still trying to process what happened. "Heheh. I did it. We ran away successfully! Dehaha!" Except Takaishi who was commending himself. Until Hokori pulled at his dreadlocks slightly annoyed.

"HEY I SAID I WAS GONNA KICK HIS ASS WHY ARE WE RUNNING!?"

"HEY HEY DON'T CLING TO ME THE PLAN IS MEANT TO BE THAT WE SCATTER APART THAT WAY HE CAN'T GO AFTER ALL OF US!"

"BUT I WANTED TO FIGHT HIM!?"

"ARE YOU INSANE YOU'D HAVE LOST!" Two pairs of hands joined grabbing onto Takaishi's leg. "Hmm? EYAAA!? WHY IS EVERYONE CLINGING!?" Shebi & Kageyama were held on beneath him. Full of himself as he always is Kageyama went on to rant at Takaishi.

"YOU BASTARD WHAT MADE YOU THINK THAT WAS A SMART IDEA AT ALL!"

"HEY I SAVED YOU DIDN'T I!?"

"WELL YOU SURE AS HELL DID A SLOPPY JOB OF IT! SOMEONE LIKE ME SHOULDN'T HAVE SUCH A ROUGH RIDE!"

Takaishi yelped in pain. Almost like a animal being strangled. Hokori watched as his soul pretty much left his body then looked down to see a terrified Kageyama, then reacted the same after seeing Shebi, who had just punched Takaishi in his balls. "Takaishi...Never do something like that with anyone again..."

The boy fainted with his dreadlocks swinging in front of his face. Panicking Hokori knocked him across the head trying to wake him. "EHHH!? DUDE YOU MURDERED HIM!? HOW'RE WE MEANT TO LAND NOW STUPID!?"

"Why would we need him to be able to land?"

"SO HE CAN OPPOSE THE GRAVITY AS WE FALL DOWN!" Realising this Shebi's face turned blank then her spirit also started to leave her body. "OI YOU CAN'T FAINT ON US NOW!"

"Don't worry. I'll catch you guys." Wrapping silk around them from the ground was Yatsua. His Quirk practically ensured him safety due to how durable it makes him. Though he was still hurting a bit from the landing. He pulled them down towards him catching them when they came into his arms.

"... ...Man did you really have to have Kageyama with you?"

"EY IS THERE A PROBLEM WITH ME!?"

"Depends. Does 'Everything' count?" The six armed boy trembled before wrapping his arm round to his back to unravel the body of Manto. "I caught him as we were being launched away... ...I was going to take him to his family. But... ...by the looks of it Manto is a fake alias. He doesn't have a last name...He's alone." A book fell from Horitsu's pocket.

Hokori picked it up. "A diary?" He opened it up to the most recent page to read it. "Talking to people isn't something I can do well. If I ask them a question. They'll Die. So I've stayed silent for the majority of my life not once using any means to communicate with people. Hopefully the hero course will help me be able to control my power :)"

Hokori closed it, gently tucking it back in it's owners pocket. Kageyama was pacing about in circles trying his best to make heads or tails of things. "What the heck is this man? Kataoke would've at least shared me info like this before hand then I could've avoided this! He takes this stuff more serious than anyone."

Pulling at Kageyama's left ear came Takaishi. "Who's Kataoke? That a girls name? Is she cute?" Then pulling at his right ear came Shebi. "Well well don't leave us in the dark how's she look?"

"SHUT UP! And no this is my brother I'm talking about!" Takaishi backed off but Shebi still persisted. "... Well is he hot, or?"

"LEAVE ME ALONE!"

Dirt & stones were being uplifted from the ground suddenly. Hokori was digging a hole. "This is...For Horitsu." It may not be proper. But at least here in this forest he won't be disturbed. Right here Yatsua."

"Oh. Yeah." He held his forwards hanging hair slightly forwards so he could see where he was going. Then placed the body of Horitsu Manto in the hole infront of him. Hokori covered him over with the dirt. Then pressed fist to the ground. And then he trembled. "Sigh... ...I want to go home."

"Pfft as if people aren't already on their way to your home already. That's the first place they'd expect you to go. Moshi mosh? Come on there's gotta be a brain in there right?." Kageyama ridiculed Hokori knocking at his head as if to garner a response which he soon got.

Still trembling Hokori snatched Kageyama's mocking hands mid movement. Then glared at him directly in his face. "This isn't a joke Kageyama... I don't know what it is we've done that deserves us to be hunted down like criminals. But I refuse to go down the path that requires me to be arrested or killed... ... Though I doubt I can try this without breaking a few laws... ...No matter what the world says. I'm gonna be a Hero! But I won't do any of that until I go home!"

"H-How do you plan on making that work?"

"I'll have to skip a load of steps to get there...No proper time to train. No special classes. No tests. No hero liscense. No internships. And so on and so forth...But. One thing I know I'll still need for definite...Are friends."

"A-Are you asking us to help you!? Why should we risk our lives for something like being a Hero we can just give up."

"That's not what you want to say though is it. Everyone of us has a reason for why we're being targeted. Even if we don't all know why. But I know for a fact none of us are fine with letting the horrible past of someone else dictate the lives of ourselves right now. I'm willing to die trying to change the worlds views. You guys should feel the same."

"... ...I'll join you." Takaishi still in alot of pain from Shebi made his way to Hokori placing both hands on his shoulders. "Even though you beat me like a ragdoll. You're clearly a reliable guy. So I'll help you out yeah! At this point what have we got to lose amiright."

"...Really? You've practically just met this kid. Isn't that a bit early to want to risk your life for him? That's not a good plan if you ask me." Kageyama remarked sitting on a nearby rock. The second he sat down the forest of trees behind him were cleaved in half. Followed by the shouting voice of Asa. "Come out you brats if you stop running your lives will be easier."

"He's that close already!?

"Well Kageyama? There are 2 choices. 1 you stay behind and get murdered by that same guy who killed Manto. Or you do what societies clearly to afraid to allow you to do...Become a hero with me!"

"... ...Hokori Hitoshi... I won't lie to you. People like you? You usually piss me off beyond comprehension. All goody-goody. Taking the progression towards an ambition far too lightly... But the fact you'd be willing to go through hell just to achieve this dream of becoming a hero I greatly respect that! Even if people will berate you for just being who you are you just bounce back. So fine! I'll be your 'friend' if you will. At least you're not asking someone absolutely unsympathetic like that Midoriya boy. Honestly, blocking a friend in their time of need. What about you girl?"

"It's Shebi thank you! Anyway I never would've expected something like this to actually happen... ...But before we go anywhere I'll also need to go back to my home. There's something there for me that would help us out alot."

"So you'll join me?"

"If you set a point to meet up then yeah. I'll come to you once I'm ready."

"Ok! Outside my house. You can't miss it people are constantly visiting to see the home of the here Armament Hero aka my Mom. And cause of the statues of her."

"All right I'll see you there in a few hours."

"Yatsua what about you then?" The six armed boy remained at a distance since he'd caught them. When called out to he looked confused. You're fine with having me be around you guys?"

"Hmm? If you want to come with us why would I say no? You're not a bad guy are you?"

"That's depends on who you ask...Not everyones willing to accept that I'm the same as anyone else in the world." Saying this Yatsu tucked his extra 4 arms into his clothes. "There now I'm better right? This is how everyone tells me I should go around places. Even my mom says so. I don't mind coming now--"

Hokori's face was scrunched up and cringing as like he'd swallowed several lemons in a whole row. "Mmmmm! You don't look as cool when you do that though."

"...What do you mean?"

"Take your arms out...You should be happy to be able to show off such a cool ability like that one! You shouldn't have to hide it."

Yatsua was thrown completely off guard by this statement but Hokori's surprise. "No. I'm not going to come with you. I've been here before...You'll just use me. You don't really care about me. You only care about what I can do for you once everythings done and good you'll throw me out like I'm just trash! Bastard. You wanna go throw a fit cause society won't let you play hero? Just try living in my body for a day."

"Hm." In a effort to get him riled up Kageyama threw a light ball at Yatsua's back. "There's clearly something up with you then right?"

"That's none of your business... I don't need your help." Yatsua left.

Takaishi was shaking Kageyama around by his shoulders skeptical of his decision to question his choices. "Hey don't you think he might you know need some space? He doesn't have to join us. These are our decisions after all!"

"You idiot. Creepy crawler over there has a mutation style quirk. And he literally said right then and there. Some people don't like when he's got all his arms out. Obviously that leads to a certain group. The Creature Rejection Clan."

Hokori had never heard of this clan before so as such he made certain that he listened otherwise he'd probably cause a misunderstanding or two.

"The CRC are an evil religous organisation and as the name implies. They don't appreciate people with mutation quirks too kindly. Completely disregarding their existence. I doubt they'd even care if he ended up dead already. So if I were to guess. The fools gone to kill them since he's assumed being a hero is impossible now."

"Hmm. Well if he kills them then he can't join us... Then he'll be a murderer."

"That's right."

"Welp. I'll simply have to persuade him not to throw away his life."

"You really are stubborn."

___

"Ugh! What is that thing?"

"Why is is it here? Do the scum on this planet not know of us anymore? Foolishness! You there ugly beastie! Stop right there! Explain yourself! Who are you and why are you here in our presence today?"

"My name... Is Yatsua. Hayashi Yatsua. I've come here today. So that I may be killed."

_________

Notes:

Name: Kageyama Itoua

Age: 16

Height: 185 CM

Weight: 60 KG

Blood Type: B

Skin Colour: Pale

Likes: Samurai movies (And yet is very disrespectful), Takoyaki, Reading manga, Girls with glasses

Dislikes: Weak people acting big

Kageyama is a very difficult person to get used to he has a very over inflated ego. And behaves as though he's the greatest one around.

He is a rich pretty boy with bright blonde hair even if he's a big jerk none of his over the top gloating comes with a minimal result he's very capable when it comes to use of his Quirk. All he can seem to make right now are poles of light he's still really versatile with them. What he really wants is to be able to create swords. To be more like Samurai.

Outside of school he'd always opt to wearing some kind of suit no matter what. He believes that being strong isn't enough to gain a reputation you also need to be a good looker aswell. He has an older brother, Kataoke who he appears to hold in high regard. If he doesn't have anything ridiculing to say to somebody then he actually stops being a dick for a while. But he'd much prefer if you show him results rather than just be all talk, to him that means you aren't capable to do what your job is.

[weeklyfangirl]

Previously on Frat Boy...

*this does not include chapters 1-3, we’re getting straight into it!

Jumping into CHAPPIE 4

IT’S A NIGHTMARE AT KEANS! A potentially seductive tutoring session gone wrong, Harry ends up beating up some good-for-nothings (remember the cheap cologne and snake tattoo) who tried to mug her and potentially something mUCH WORSE. She gets a slice on her neck from it and Harry is all brooding and rain-soaked and carries her to the car in sILENCE

HE SPENDS THE NIGHT BECAUSE SHE’S TOO SCARED TO BE BY HERSELF AND HE JUST DEADASS CHOOSES THE FLOOR OVER GETTING INTO BED WITH HER

BUT THEN she scoots over to make some room for him and they end up mAKING OUT AND Harry is just being so cuddly??? And soft???? And when she asks him why he’s being like this he says, “Not everyone’s you.”

Renny walks in though and that leaves an awkward moment when Harry picks up his pants and leaves in a rush and then she’s not quite sure where that leaves her and Harry #THANKSRENNY      

CHAPPIE 5

She doesn’t listen to harry and goes to class the next day because she can’t be alone so when she enters the lecture hall she sees Harry and – ALERT! ALERT!!!!! THERE’S A GIGGLY GIRL BETWEEN HIS LEGS *cough* it’s Vivienne *cough*

After class is over she quickly leaves in hopes she’ll be able to escape Harry’s attention BUT he races to catch up with her *swoon*

After last night’s cuddle and MAKEOUT SESH HELLO things seem to be going well with them and so he asks her to wear his jersey before the big game

SHE SAYS NO!??? WHAT!??? SHE’S SUCH A BISH WHAT THE FUCK

Exact words: “It was a mistake. I was scared and lonely and you were… you were just there.”

Harry points out that HELLO it was HER who kissed HIM first

Then Vivienne comes out of class to join them and has to butt her head into it and mention some random dress requirements about how he should be looking good tonight

That CLEARLY meant it was a date (wrong) so she felt justified in turning him down like that (wrong)

Anywho, mum finds out about Keans and Renny wants her to go to the authorities but they both don’t push her.

And it’s the... *drumroll* Sorority Halloween party! She was NOT expecting harry to be the DJ

^^^ Basically how it went down in a few bullet points

The sorority girls were emotional hoes and made an open-ended invitation so they could see what the girls took away from it (aka who dressed as a hoe and who didn’t) - Renny exposed her hoe-ish side whereas she was dressed nicely

SO they switch clothes so Renny can save her own skin. Fast forward five minutes and she’s bent over the sink in a short plaid skirt while she tries to get the boob stain out when Harry comes up behind her. Her exact thoughts -

SO she tries to take the high road and apologize to Harry about earlier BUT HARRY’S A HURT PUPPY NOW OKAY NO ONE GETS TO MAKE HIM FEEL STUPID

So Harry interrupts her apology. But she thought he’d cared a bit?? And he looked actually hurt this morning??? He was acting different last night too and here she was actually APOLOGIZING …. But now he’s back to being a dick and he tells her it meant nothing to him and is, well, pretty harsh. (Which OBVI gets her butthurt)

She runs away to grab Renny and escape but Renny wants to stay because this is THE choicest party of the year and she NEEDS to get into this sorority

She gets it, so she turns to leave but then races up the stairs because she saw him up there and DAMN IT SHE WILL HAVE THE LAST WORD IF IT’S THE LAST THING SHE DOES BECAUSE SHE HAS A SUSPICION THAT HE’S LYING TO HER AND DAMN IT SHE WON’T BE MADE TO LOOK THE FOOL

BIG MISTAKE- she hears him with another woman behind the door. 

She runs away. Sadness. Confusion.

She sees Zayn in the street and he’s bummed because it isn’t working out with this model he’s drawing but he’s nice, and sweet...

CHAPPIE 6

It’s FOOTBALL TIME – they go to a soccer game and she drools over how hot harry is and he seems EXTRA worked up on the fieLD. A little ANGRY. A little HURT.

They win and some drunken sportsman just grabs her face and kisses her

They camp to celebrate their victory and Zayn is getting nice and talkative with her, but Renny is texting Niall and he invites her to the beach party the team’s throwing at the expensive vintage cottages on the other side of the highway

THIS HOE MAKES HER WALK HER ALL THE WAY THERE but of course she isn’t going to stay because HARRY IS THERE. So she has to leave. By herself.

But not before she sees the guy who kissed her in the stands and he was HELLA beat up

*suspicious*

We get a little insight into Harry’s judgemental “i hate every single one of you” mindset and he has a sass down with Renny before running after her because HELLO RENNY U DUMB SHIT SHE JUST WENT THROUGH ALL THIS TRAUMATIC NASTINESS AND U SEND HER OUT TO THE CAMPGROUNDS ALONE?!!!!

SO harry is a lil stalker and follows her back to the grounds. She almost has a heart attack when she sees him but she (though annoyed) accepts the company. They try and play a little game of 21 questions but it really turns into “I’ll answer one vaguely and you can ask one later” after harry gets snappy about his parents #parentproblems.

Things get a little foggy but he ends up whining and getting into the sleeping bag with her

BUT GET THIS…. SHE’S THE ONE TO SNUGGLE UP AGAINST HIM IN HER SLEEP INDUCED STATE

And then in the middle of the night she has a nightmare and he comforts her, holds her, says it’s gonna be okay :(

That was a little aggressive. Let’s move on to CHAPPIE 7 

IT’S THE MORNING AFTER HEY-O and Zayn offers to take her out for pancakes with the guys but Harry’s all like nah man I’m taking her, look I already took down the tent and everything I’m such a hunky man. So Zayn leaves. Harry takes her home (not to bed) before leaving in his nice ass range rover because he has these elusive “plans” and she ALMOST gets him to smile but then he offered to pay for her notes and she took it the wrong way

MOM VISITS and she bought her a dress for the sorority dinner tonight at the fancy shmancy restaurant. There’s a lil bit of tension because...well… where is this money coming from??? But she doesn’t say anything, because her mom is trying so hard. And she just wants her to be happy.

We jump to the sorority dinner and Vivienne’s there. She misses out on dessert which she was NOT happy about. Why’d she miss out? Because Harry paid for her meal while he was on a date with another woman and she ran out in a huff. Harry chases her, but they get in an even bigger argument because she’s fired up about harry being with ANOTHER girl and she’s all I FEEL SORRY FOR YOU OKAY YOU’RE GOING TO DIE ALONE

(basically)

Which leads us to our most-recent CHAPPIE 8

She regrets being so angry last night at Harry because she revealed her emotions to him – well, the alcohol did. But - no going back now!

Zayn asks her to model for her at the coffee shop!! You say yes!! Shocker!!!! He leaves happy with a pep in his step. But she hopes it’s not because he LIKES her in a certain WAY ;)

But…. *dramatic music* SHE SEES THE MYSTERY DATE KISSING ANOTHER MAN AT THE COFFEE SHOP WHEN SHE’S ABOUT TO LEAVE

So she goes to visit Harry’s practice to rat out the cheater because she doesn’t want a girl using him (why does she care though amiright?)

BUT THE GIRL IS HARRY’S SISTER WHAT

And thus she gets invited to their family dinner and she has no idea what she’s gotten herself into

The long awaited CHAPPIE 9 starts up in the Styles’s mansion home on Coast Hills Drive

passing Teslas, Porsches, you know, the standard, turns out Harry has THE LARGEST FREAKING FAMILY HOME ON THE CORNER (obvi, did we expect anything less) 

A “meet his highly dysfunctional family” kind of dinner with the unwelcomed guest Viv, and hosted by Mary and Lionel Styles. All is well until... Y/N points out that only Harry, Gemma, and her bf Charlie are the ones with the accent 

AND THEN Harry flips his sh*t over his dad saying he’s a beach bum because apparently that’s a lie that runs DEEP (#daddyissues?). Basically everyone is uncomfortable and Harry ditches the table. 

She’s leaving, too, when Viv runs after her and dishes that the reason they don’t all have accents is because Harry is adopted. 

JUST WHEN SHE THOUGHT SHE COULD LEAVE.... her car dies. Embarrassing, really. Right in front of Harry and his gazillion dollar mansion.

Now it’s a forced impromptu sleepover and Harry gives you a tour of the house - there’s the living wing where his parents sleep and where his dad keeps live animals, the movie theatre, sunroom, panoramic ocean views...

the guest room she gets set up in is nice, and she tries to find face soap in the cabinets but THERE’S JUST PILLS AND WABAM! - MARY STYLES IS SITTING EERILY AT THE FOOT OF THE GUEST BED WATCHING HER. She points to the sky and mumbles something about how she picked it. And something about a Jane. 

Harry comes and whisks crazy lady away, but now she has the heeby jeebies in that empty room and she walks to Harry’s door in the middle fo the night becAUSE WHAT OTHER HUNKY MAN WILL MAKE HER FEEL SAFE.

We pick-up right where we left off in CHAPPIE 10 

Harry’s all rambly and cute and fetches her some different pills (melatonin) to help her sleep 

Somehow she makes it to his bed HELLO and they’re listening to the waves crash when she mentions Viv because that bish is still on her mind and she can’t shake the feeling that THAT is the hoe harry’s been with

obvi he answers they’re just longtime family friends

AND THEN LIKE A BIG GIRL SHE APOLOGIZES FOR BEING NASTY TO HIM AND SAYING MEAN THINGS AT THAT SORORITY DINNER 

And then she finally expresses her vulnerabilities!! Yes girl!! She tells him he says it doesn’t matter a lot, and he whips it back and says she’s the one who said it first after the make out sesh post-Keans coffee mugging fiasco. SO she tells him why she said it didn’t matter!!! AKA because she didn’t want to get hurt and believe he thought of her any differently than all the other girls in the past. Progress! Expression! 

But then...BUT THEN... HE APOLOGIZES FOR KISSING HER. Even though people kiss all the time she wasn’t “people” and hE THINKS HE TOOK ADVANTAGE OF HER SCARED STATE!?? Why so sweet??

and then when he offers for her to sleep there there’s this weird tensiony “you’re really hot and sexy in the moonlight and you’re right freaking next to me” tension & she tries to kiss him 

BUT HE SAYS DON’T, THAT HE CAN’T, THAT HE’S SORRY SHE CAME THERE

 After agonizing minutes of observing his peaceful chiseled body, she asks him why there’s a crib in the closet - but naturally he’s already asleep SO NO ANSWERS ARE GIVEN 

Then in the AM Charlie gets the jumper cables that were there the ENTIRE TIME (thanks for NOT mentioning that, Harry) so she and her car “Grandpa” are good to leave

Gemma’s there to say goodbye, too and she said that Harry handled everything well yesterday.... that they didn’t hear anything...

But when Charlie pulls her in for a side hug it triggers a distant memory about someone and she pushes it away... 

Back at school, she’s wrapping up Matt the perfect American boy athlete’s shoulder when he says she smells like boy. It’s Harry. She smells like his cologne and bedsheets, and she rips off the shirt as soon as she can. 

And now that we’re all caught up, CHAPPIE 11 IS DROPPIN WITHIN 24 HOURS!!!!

[amethyst-dreams-and-candy-canes]

Reap What You Sow

Author’s Note: Oh dear, I’m late and I do apologize. This is my second prompt and second submission for #Ash’s Round 3 Negan Challenge. My prompt was Negan x Sasha. 

 Word Count: 2,127

Paring: Negan x Sasha

Warnings: NSFW, oral sex, some angst when you realize how I set it up. I hurt my own feelings tbh.

Tags: @flames-bring-a-ton-of-ash, @genevievedarcygranger, @negans-network

The breeze felt good against her warm skin. The hot Georgia sun had been unforgiving and a breeze was hard to come by. Sasha closed her eyes and tried to make the moment last as long as she could. If she could bottle the breeze and carry it around with her, she would. Closing her eyes, she felt the intensity of the wind die down and she knew her small reprieve from the heat was coming to an end. Oh well, at least she had something. And something was better than nothing.

Sitting in the driver's seat of the old pickup truck, Sasha took a deep breath and smiled. The soft smell of lavender filled her lungs and seemed to clear her mind. Exactly what she needed. This had been her favorite hiding spot. There would be many a day where she would sneak off with snacks and water and books and sit in the truck for hours. Not having any doors to restrict her movements, the truck was positioned in the perfect location so she had a good vantage point; she could hear the Geeks approaching and she’d see the living before they’d see her. She found it by accident on a scavenge trip with Aaron and it became her get away. Perfect for when she needed to be alone and clear her head.

Like now. Too much was going on at home. First issue was that Rick wanted to attack this group of people we didn’t know based solely on the word of another group of people we also didn’t know. And second there was trouble in paradise. Or as close as paradise would get nowadays. Abraham and his indecisiveness was diving Sasha crazy. One night he’s leaving Rosita and the next he’s back in her bed. Sasha snorted at the thought and tapped her fingers on the wheel. All this stress was enough to drive one to drink.

“Stupid men. Who needs them?” Sasha grumbled to no one in particular.

“Yeah, stupid me. Fuck em. Amiright?” a deep voice responded causing Sasha to nearly jump out of the truck. She didn’t hear anyone walk up on her and she instantly became upset with herself that she left herself be snuck up on. In a instant her hand was on the gun at her waist and she pointed it at the direction of the voice. Peeking out of the driver’s side, she saw a tall man leaning casually against the trunk bed. He was dressed in a white tee shirt with black jeans and black boots. A knife was fastened to the belt loops of his jeans and over his shoulder he had what looked like a baseball bat over his shoulder. Sasha eyed his cautiously as she pointed her gun at him. He smirked at her, not seeming to be alarmed that she was pointing a gun at him.

“Well aren’t you a beauty.” he complimented as he eyed her up and down slowly. Sasha frowned as she continued to take a mental note of him.

“Who are you?” she asked as he unceasingly drank her body in. She was on the verge of clearing her throat to bring his attention to his her face when he finally brought his eyes back to her face.

“I’ll be whoever you want me to be.” he replied, his deep voice seductive. Sasha scoffed and lowered her gun but still kept it poised in his direction. “In case you haven’t noticed, I’m pointing a gun at you.” Sasha gestured towards the gun before looking back to him.

“And in case you haven’t noticed, I’m pointing one right back at you. Except, you can’t see mine. But if you ask nicely, I’ll let you see it.” he mocked, gestured towards his crotch. Sasha scoffed again and shook her head. She assumed that this new man must have been crazy since he was out wandering alone with just a baseball bat as protection. She figured that maybe she’d try to get some information out of him.  

“Hey mister. Do you know anything about a group called the Saviors?” she asked as she moved the gun to rest against her hip, the barrel pointing towards the ground. Sasha studied his face and watched for any signs of deceit. Tilting his head to the side, he looked at her curiously.

“What about the Saviors? Who wants to know?” he asked amused. He shifted from one foot to the other and moved the bat to tap on his boot. Sasha was stunned to see that the bat was wrapped in barbed wire and eyed it warily. His eyes followed her gazed and lifted the bat so she could get a better look. Sasha reflextafly took a step back and her fingers twitched around the gun’s trigger.

“This is Lucille.” he announced proudly while pointing the bat and extending it towards Sasha. “And she is awesome.” he finished, speaking affectionately of the bat. Sasha nodded and for the briefest of moments she contemplated shooting him coming to the conclusion that he must be insane. Relaxing her grip on the gun, she studied him. He was handsome, there was no debate about that with hazel eyes that conveyed boyish charm but there was also another element there that was sending warnings to Sasha that she couldn’t decipher.

“So beautiful, you got a name? Why are you out here all alone and why do you want to know about the Saviors?” he asked taking a step forward, reaching the back passenger side of the truck. Sasha eyed the bat again as he began to twirl it now in his left hand away from the truck.

“Name’s Sasha, I’m taking a break and I just wanna know.” she answered matter of factly with a shrug. “What’s your name? Where are you from?”

“Me?” he pointed dramatically to himself. “I’m Negan.” he said proudly. Sasha sucked her teeth and rolled her eyes and the man looked at her with genuine dismay. Seeing the look on his face was the fuel for her fire and she let herself laugh.

“So you’re a Savior. That’s why you asked why I want to know. God, everyone is Negan.’” Sasha laughed ironically. Eyeing the man who stared back at her just as confused, Sasha put her gun away. “You’re not gonna tell me what I wanna know so why bother? Just go.” she sighed as she climbed back into the truck, its worn polyester having cooled from her missing body heat. She placed her elbows in the nooks of the steering wheel and rested her head in her hands. Just what she needed, more stress. The man walked to the driver side and leaned against the area where the door should close and watched her quietly.

“What if I want to stay here with you a little longer? Shoot the breeze and whatnot?” he spoke low leaning close so she could hear him. Sasha snorted with indignation and turned her head to look at him, her head still near the wheel.

“You're a Savior.” she responded matter of factly. He shrugged his shoulders and gave her a ‘so what if I am’ look. Inching closer to her, he brushed against her thigh and Sasha froze. Side-eyeing him, she lifted her head from her hands and propped her elbows up on the wheel. “What are you doing, mister?”

“What was that you were saying? Men being stupid or what-fucking-ever?” he asked flashing her a brilliant smile that nearly threw her off guard. Sasha withdrew into herself and placed her head back into her hands. His comment brought back all the thoughts of Abraham and Rosita being together and Sasha sucked her teeth in annoyance.

“Men are stupid. End of discussion.” she responded curtly. Laughing the man reached out and began ran a long finger down her exposed arm, the touch sending an unwanted jolt of electricity throughout her body. She didn't flinch away however and instead sat back in the seat to get a good look at him.

“You know I have a gun, right? Any funny business and I'll blow your damn head off.” she warned, her eyes staring up at his sternly.

“No funny business here, ma’am. I just hate to see a woman not be taken care of. I can take care of you.” he offered, his deep voice laced with unspoken promises. Sasha huffed and turned to face him, her legs crossed inside the bed of the truck.

“Men always make promises they can't deliver on. What makes you so different, mister?” Sasha taunted, exhaling impatiently. Keeping his eyes locked on hers, the man sunk to his knees and placed a hand on her thigh, the other propping the bat Lucille against the front tire of the truck.

“Trust me.” he cooed as ran his hand up her thigh and gently squeezed. “I always deliver.” Sasha swallowed hard as an involuntary shiver traveled down her spine and seemed to rest in her groin. Every inner alert system was telling her to run, to scream, to take her gun and blow his brains out and decorate the lavender field red. But in the back of her mind there was also a small voice telling her that one time couldn’t hurt, Abraham was having his fun so why can’t you and if you were to have a one time rendezvous this guy wasn’t bad looking. Biting her lower lip, thoughts of Abraham and Rosita laying in bed together flooded her mind and she uncrossed her legs turning to him slightly.

“If you do anything I don’t like, we’re stopping. I mean it. I’m serious when I say no funny business, mister.” Sasha cautioned as she fully turned to him, allowing him to be partially between her legs. He nodded in agreement and ran his hands slowly up the front of her jeans. She watched as he expertly unfastened the button and then the zipper, his hands moving swiftly and with urgency. Sasha attempted to reason with herself once more as she felt him grip the waistband of her jeans and underwear yank them down to her halfway her calves, nearly pulling her off the truck seat. Sasha yelp as she blindly grabbing for the back of the seat, catching it before she could be dragged out out the truck. She look down at the man in wonder and realized that he had also taken her boots off; Sasha not even feeling them come off her feet. He had propped her legs up on his shoulders and was examining her. Using his fingers, he gently spread her outer lips and ran his thumb over her sensitive area. Sasha squirmed under his prying eyes and sighed as his touch sent a surge of pleasure to her core.

Noticing the increased moisture, he leaned forward and pressed a kiss against her thigh. He kissed her up her inner thigh to her now swollen lips and kissed them as if he were kissing a lover. Sasha moaned low and continued t o squirm, anxious for him to get to the prize. Bringing a hand up, he parted her lips once again and dipped his tongue into her opening, licking upwards in a circular motion and just missing her clit. Sasha whined as he repeated the cycle, each time his tongue delving deeper inside of her. Shifting forward, his nose brushed against her nub and Sasha moaned loudly, the brief contact setting her aflame. He smirked as he used his nose to nuzzle against her again and swirl his tongue around her now very sensitive clit before he latched his lips around her and sucked. Sasha’s hands instantly flexed around the seat as her hips bucked and she came, moaning louder than she intended to. Her legs clamped around his head and he laughed as he pried himself from her clutches. Standing, he wiped his face with the back of his hand and stared down at her in amusement.

“Did I fucking deliver?” he asked, clearly proud of himself. Sasha sat up and located her discarded jeans. Standing on wobbly legs, she pulled them back on and next her boots.

“Sure, if you say so.” she quipped back. He scoffed and looked affronted. He picked up the bat against the tire and began to walk away.

“Better get moving, the sun is setting. Next time maybe we meet, we can do more. That is if you’re agreeable to it.” he mused as he walked away. Sasha shook her head as she watched him disappear into the wooded area whence he came. She smiled to herself as she gathered her things and began to make her way home and wondered if she’d ever see him again.

[admittedlynotspartacus]

“Game of Thrones” Season VII: Episode 2 - A Foreign Invasion is Underway

Guys. Sam's acne treatment. The fury of Freddie Mercury. BARACK. AND MICHELLE. Y'all stepped it up. Let's talk about it.

DRAGONSTONE

Lightning. Thunder. And then, in the uppermost window of Dragonstone - THERE’S A LIGHT.

It’s D-Baby. She’s doing her usual thing of staring moodily out of windows of castles which she’s decided to post up in instead of, you know, TAKING THE THRONE. But then P-Dinky is like, “We’re not gonna stay here long.” And we’re all like -

But before she ducks outta here, she turns to Varys and does a dramatic recitation of his Wikipedia page and opens up the library on him without mercy.

Luckily, he passes the test with flying colors and receives a full fucking pardon when he’s like, “I listened to Robert. I listened to your daddy. But you’re the voice of the people, so ya know what -?”

There is no time for revels though, because Melisandre has warped back here and is notable for being the only lady who didn’t get the memo about wearing black this season.

Anyway, she starts spewing her usual “Prince That Was Promised” shit. And D-Baby’s like, “But I’m not a prince!” And Michelle is all, “WELL TECHNICALLY, IT’S A BAD TRANSLATION THAT ACTUALLY MEANS ‘PRINCE’ OR ‘PRINCESS...’”

And we’re all like...

While at the same time being like, “Like, what is gender, amiright?”

#TheRealPrinceThatWasPromised

WINTERFELL

So Melisandre’s told D-Baby and co. about J-Snow, and they’ve dispatched a raven summoning him. But Sansa smells fish and is like -

But we’re all at home like -

And meanwhile Davos is still like -

KING’S LANDING

Cersei’s with a bunch of Tyrell bannermen giving a really inspirational speech about how they shouldn’t back D-Baby that basically boils down to -

And they’re all like, “Yeah but dragons.” And Maester Frankenstein is just like, “Don’t worry guys...

And we’re all like, “Ohmigod I wonder what it is!!!!” And he takes Cersei down to the dragon lair to show her and we’re like, “Ohmigod we’re gonna find out this episode!” and then he whips the cloth off it and it’s A... giant... crossbow...

And at first I’m like, “Well, now wait a second. Maybe crossbows don’t exist yet in this world.”

Aight, N.V.M.

OLDTOWN

One time I went on a 7 hour kayaking trip and didn’t bring sunscreen to reapply. There were blisters. There was pus. And yet it was not one percent as bad as what has happened to poor Daddy Mormont, who basically looks like this -

Sam thinks he can cure him, but National Treasure Jim Motherfucking Broadbent is like, “You know not the ways.” Even though Sam has clearly risen up the ranks so much that NTJMB and he are already like -

NTJMB is even asking Sam for thoughts on his new book about the last six seasons of the TV show we’ve been watching. And Sam’s like, “I don’t like the title.” And NTJMB is like, “What would you rather call it?” And we’re all thinking -

And he doesn’t. Yet. Instead he goes to Daddy Mormont and he’s like -

Except less chill because he’s got a paint chipper, some rum, a hope and a prayer.

What follows is the grossest Thrones scene since Grand Maester Pycelle farted last year. Because Sam’s gotta get all this shit off Daddy Mormont by morning, but Daddy Mormont can’t scream. And there’s A LOT OF THIS SHIT ON HIM. So it basically is a combination of -

and -

DRAGONSTONE

The gang’s all here and they’re all pissed at D-Baby. Yara’s like, “We gotta attack NOW!” Mama Sand is starting a #NeverLannister movement, and D-Rigg is just like, “Hey, member Margaery?”

And then P-Dinky - remember him? He used to be the best character? - actually gets to talk and he’s like, going on about how Cersei is going to win banner-men over by appealing to their nationalism.

So in honor of Made in America week, he’s not outsourcing their plan to attack the cities around King’s Landing. Until he gets to his own home city and he’s like, “Dothraki and Unsullied, you dudes are taking Casterly Rock.”

Everybody’s V impressed at his sacrifice but also that D&D actually fucking let him drive a scene, so they’re all like -

Except D-Rigg still seems a little huffy, so she and D-Baby have a private conversation where D-Rigg is basically like, “You’re standing strong and tall. You’re the bravest of them all. If on courage you must call, then just keep on tryin’ and tryin’ and TRYIN’. Be a lion.”

And D-Baby’s just like -

And then. My dear dear friends. It’s just Barack. And Michelle. Alone. Barack’s headed out, Michelle is staying behind. It’s now or never.

And Barack just starts on his usual -

But Michelle is not having it. She’s like, “THIS is the moment.” 

And then she’s like -

And then she fucking just goes for his pants but he’s like, “Stop.”

And she’s like, “Yo, lemme at that D.” But he’s all, “You don’t understand. Six inches forward and five inches back, I got a - I got an angry inch.” And she’s just like -

And suddenly, it’s just like ASS! BOOBS! ARE WE GONNA SEE HIS STUMPY-STUMP OHMIGOD I HOPE NOT!

And then she lays back like -

But instead he’s just like -

And we’re all just like -

WHEREVER ARYA IS

Arya is full of reunions this week, because at first she’s eating at this inn when who should pop up but fucking HOT PIE! Also revelation that Hot Pie totally looks like Dustin from Stranger Things.

Oh, he FOUND the chocolate pudding. He found it so hard. So they’re like chilling and she’s like - 

When Hot Pie acts like the greatest GPS ever known to man and reroutes her to Winterfell by telling her the Boltons are dead. And just like that -

But first reunion #2. Because we get some creepy POV shots on Arya camping in the woods, plus some growling and snarling. And her horse is acting CRAY. And I’m thinking, “Oh fuck. Ed Sheeran and his bros are back to fucking rape her, QUICK TURN IT OFF!” But lo and behold - it’s a bunch of wolves! Which is still bad until one is like -

But it’s not gonna eat her or catcall at her, because it’s her old wolf, people! So Arya is like, “Come with me, Nymeria.” But Nymeria is like -

and she peaces out. Leaving Arya alone to be like, “I see the same sky through my eyes as you see through yours, but we’re worlds apart. Worlds apart.”

WINTERFELL

More RuPaul - Michelle Visage shenanigans as J-Snow finds out about the dragonglass on Dragonstone and is like, “I’m going.”

But Sansa still smells fish and is like -

Which then gets everyone to turn on J-Snow, so he’s just like, “You know what? Fuck this. You be queen.”

But of course Sansa’s just like -

Meanwhile, Littlefinger is still being a creep.

THE SEVEN FUCKING SEAS

All right, so here we are with the fucking Sand Snakes.

Yo I know, I know, but spoiler alert they’re gonna die soon, so it’s all okay. Just first, we have to listen to them have one more dumbass scene where the One Who Showed Her Boobs is like -

And Whale Rider and The Other One are like, “Mama! Mama! Mama!” And I’m just like -

But then we go to Yara and Mama flirting while Mama like Who’s Afraid of Virginia Woolf’s Theon into getting them drinks. And then she’s like, “Aren’t you gonna protect your sister?” And she starts like getting close to her and touching her legs. And then she literally says, “A foreign invasion is underway.”

But alas, the invasion is cut short, because the ships are being attacked! And it’s like fire! Storming! UNCLE FREDDIE MERCURY!

And lemme tell ya, he is READY TO GO. It’s just like axes and blood and stabbing. And we’re all like -

And I’m especially like, “Uncle Freddie Mercury, find the Sand Snakes. Kill them.”

But Yara finds The One Who Showed Her Boobs first and is like, “Yo, I’m still trying to fuck your mom. Go protect her.” And The One Who Showed Her Boobs is just like, “Got it.” But the other ones aren’t so lucky. Because first he comes for Whale Rider.

And then without missing a beat he goes for The Other One!

And then Freddie’s backup boys find Mama and The One Who Showed Her Boobs and Mama’s just like, “Kill us. Get it over with.” And again, I’m just like -

But of course, it’s Game of Thrones and we can’t have too much of a good thing.

Anyway, it’s full-on Yara vs. Uncle Freddie Mercury time, and meanwhile there’s still these like mystery fire cannons shooting off.

But THERE’S NO TIME FOR LOGIC! Yara’s about to get her throat slit when Freddie’s just like - “LITTLE THEON!!!”

And Freddie’s like got an axe to her throat, and Theon could just like... run at her? I guess? And do something? And then Freddie LEGIT Virginia Woolf’s him. Like -

And Theon’s just like -

BOOB COUNT: 1 BODY COUNT: 2, plus a lotta extras in that last scene (Rest in Eternal Misery Whale Rider & The Other One) EPISODE GRADE: A-

SER POUNCE’S STRAY THOUGHTS

I just don’t believe for a second Varys is going to stop conspiring behind people’s backs just because Daenerys made him swear an oath.

After so much hype about this Prince that Was Promised prophecy, it was just a BAD TRANSLATION? I dunno, guys.

I gotta say it, I was Team Sansa for such a long time, but she’s being quite the killjoy this season. And there’s nothing I hate more than being on Team Jon. That said, nothing she’s doing is really stupid. She’s being rightly cautious, but because we know Tyrion and D-Baby aren’t trapping them, it’s creating an interesting conflict for us.

Dickon joins the latest Thrones characters recast over the season break. No more Cormac from Half-Blood Prince.

They love saying “the wars to come.”

I’m so not about Diana Rigg dying, but I fear it is coming.

So just to be clear, the plan was to use Yara’s fleet to transport Ellaria back to Sunspear and get the Dornish army. But now, the fleet has been taken (right?) and Ellaria has been abducted. So none of these armies are technically in the control of Daenerys anymore.

Emmy campaign for Barack please.

So I think it’s safe to say that we can add another Samwise-Samwell parallel in that at the end of all this, Sam will document all these events into an essentially in-world Song of Ice and Fire book.

I’ve loved this Arya plot this season. I thought for sure she was headed down a path into ice-cold vengeance biddy, but this rediscovery of her early days is really lovely and unexpected.

Maisie Williams is so good.

Do we think Littlefinger knows about Jon’s parentage?

It seems as though Yara is still alive.

Two Sand Snakes down. One (and Mama) to go. But you gotta figure Cersei’s gonna take care of them next week. Dreams really do come true.

NEXT WEEK: Freddie Mercury is the champion, Casterly Rock invasion, and J-Snow and D-Baby together at last. Will they fuck?

[bbangjaes]

:’) aw thank you so much i loved making those

i think i know exactly what you’re trying to say, coming right up!

(also i’m really really sorry this took so long i desperately need a new laptop bc mine is trash and keeps not working well when i try to write)

-mik

SF9 SCENARIO: Them Saving You From A Conversation You Want To Get Out Of

Youngbin: 

Have no fear, Binnie is here. He would be very in tune to your eye signals because he’s always getting lost in them (oooooo smooth, mik *high fives self*). This literal father would swoop in and attack the person you’re talking to with distractingly bad dad jokes or something while you made your escape. But, since he’s wickedly charming and just plain great to look at (srsly this guy has the most blindingly beautiful smile i’ve ever laid eyes on), he might struggle to them get himself out of the conversation. After some very kind listening and thoughtful nodding, he’d somehow manage to weasel his way away from the person that you so desperately wanted to get away from and get back to you. You’d be worried that he was mad at you for making him sacrifice himself for you but just the opposite would be true. He’d be a complete sweetheart about it and ask you if you were okay (i swear he’s such boyfriend material heart eyes emoji).

Inseong:

I feel like this meme would front like he knew how to save you but, in reality, he would have no clue (smh what a loser amiright amiright). You’d be signaling to him with widened eyes and he’d be super confused at first like ???? fuck you doing but would then finally understand why you looked like your eyes were bulging out of your head after a bit. He’d try and think up ways that he could help you and would settle on a plan of action that he was very confident in (oh jeez, here we go). He’d stroll on over to you and the person that you were talking to and put his arm around your shoulders. He’d very smoothly apologize for interrupting and calmly say that he had to steal you away for an important matter. You were looking at him with heart eyes like he was your hero. That is, until he crumbled right before your eyes. The person who you were talking to would ask what the “important matter” was and, unfortunately, your genius boyfriend would not have considered the possibility of that question coming up in his master plan (i really do love him i swear). After a moment of panic, Inseong would make some noise like a frustrated child and just sort of drag you away from the person without another word (i’m rolling idk why i made this like this but i thoroughly believe that inseong would be a hot mess).

(ignore the funny ass captions but i feel like he’d be this level of shook/confused)

Jaeyoon:

This honey would know right away that his baby was in trouble (i feel like he’d have some crazy “my gf is in danger” sense or something). He would zoom at the speed of light to come save you from the conversation. He’d probably use his smarts and come up with a v v v convincing excuse for the other person to have to leave. Jaeyoon would tell them some bullshit like that someone else needed them at that exact moment so they couldn’t initiate their conversation with you and that they better get to steppin. That person would fall for his diversion immediately and you would be free. Jaeyoon would have saved the day like a true angel but this little shit would stick his face out to you and look like he was waiting for something. You’d give the cute headass a kiss on the cheek and he’d consider the favor returned (idk why but i just imagined how unbelievably soft his cheek would be to kiss… i gotta go now).

Dawon:

No need to worry, Lee “Extra” Sanghyuk will come to your aid. That is, after he embarasses you. I’m almost certain that he wouldn’t even know that your eye signals to him were signals. He would practically scream to you from across the room to ask you wtf was up with your eyes or some shit like that and you would be completely justified to facepalm at this moment. After he noticed that you weren’t just trying out some new eyelid exercises, he’d realize that you wanted out of the conversation that you were trapped in and he’d “skillfully” get you out of it. He’d scream again, “JAGIYA. COME QUICK. I’M NEEDY… FOR… FOR YOU.” (that may or may not have been a dirty reference and no, i’m not the least bit ashamed of it ok maybe i am pls forgive me) Completely mortified from the confused look that you were getting from the person you were talking to and the amused looks that you were getting from the other members, you turned red as tomato. Usually you’d scream back at him to shut up when he did stuff like that (which would be v often) but you were so desperate to get out of the conversation that you were in that you smiled at the person across from you and excused yourself. You walked over to Dawon and gave him a death glare that practically burned right through him. Wising up real quick, this boy would gtfo and fast (rest in peace dawon it was nice knowin ya bud).

(ayyyyy lmao it’s my gif)

Zuho:

This boy is lowkey the most awkward human to ever exist so he’d be a confused noodle boy trying to help you (a lil off topic but also not, i honestly feel like zuho is also a v shy bun around people he doesn’t know but that could just be me). I feel like he too would not get your eye signals right away and would be a little puzzled, wondering why you were looking at him funny (i can see him being super confused lmaooooo). After he realized that he didn’t have something on his face or a bug in his hair or some shit, he would have a look of pure relief. You’d furrow your eyebrows at him to further hint that you needed his help and he’d try to frantically think of a way to get you away from the person talking to you. Juho would then kind of just noodle his way slowly over to the two of you and smile a little at the person across from you. He’d proceed hesitantly to ask them some random question that was so weird and out of nowhere that they’d stop mid-sentence just to stare at him in confusion. You’d already slipped away and you looked back at Zuho while he just stood there like a statue until the person got fed up and left. Your knight in shining armor would then look at you for approval and to check and see if you were okay like a kind boyfriend (he’s so pure i swear pls protect him from all danger).

Rowoon:

Rowoon’s spidey mom senses would be tingling at rates off the fucking charts and he would instantly know that you needed him (i’m laughing out loud rn bc i just picture the funniest look of worry spreading over his face). But, instead of formulating a plan of action ahead of his rescue mission, he would be next to you before he even knew what was happening. I feel like he’d be shook and not even remeber moving his legs to get over there or some crazy shit like that he’d be so fast at getting to you (it’s the freakishly long legs, man). He’d politely notify the person that you were talking that you were needed elsewhere and that he was very sorry for any inconvenience that your absence would cause. Due to Rowoon’s freakishly beautiful visuals and sparkling charm, the person would not question him, say goodbye to you, and leave. This concerned boyfriend would then make sure that you were unharmed and hold you tight to his chest v protective-like.

Taeyang:

Tae would be smooth af and would have you out of there in no time at all. He’d tune into your eye signals right away and would know just what to do (like it’d be scary how well he’d handle this shit). With a beaming smile, he’d make his way over to you and stand at your side. He would then greet the person that you were talking to and engage them in conversation, utilizing his sunshiney personality and dazzling smile (which is legit crafted from pieces of the sun n pure happiness i s2g) to distract them so that you could sneak away. Once you were safely out of range, he would expertly make up an excuse for him to leave and politely say goodbye to the person. The person that you didn’t want to talk to wouldn’t know what hit them and would be on cloud nine from just having an interaction with the literal angel that is Yoo Taeyang (as anyone would be) and you would be free. The two of you would probably then celebrate with a cute asf bubble tea date or some shit like that.

Hwiyoung:

This weirdo would have a rather… unconventional way of getting you out of the conversation. Hwi would see the distressed look in your eyes and try to figure out what the hell you were trying to tell him for a good 10 minutes or so and would eventually get it. He’d then think for a second before he executed his master plan. He would walk up behind the person that you were talking to while they were speaking to you. You would widen your eyes at him and he’d just put a finger over his lips to tell you to not alert the enemy of his presence. He’d then scare the living shit out of the person by screaming and touching their back quickly (lmfao i’m geeked). The person would be shocked and Hwiyoung would signal to you to get out of there while they were registering what the actual fuck just happened to them and you’d be able to escape. By the time the shocked victim of Hwiyoung’s attack got their heartbeat back to a normal speed, the two of you would be long gone (*sings* eojjeomyeon urin BONNIE AND CLYDEEEEE ok i’m done).

Chani:

Tbh I feel like it’d be more likely for something like this to happen to Chani himself (like I can totally see him accidentally getting himself into conversations that he’d rather die than be stuck in all the time lmfao poor thing). But if it was his boo thing in this situation, he would try his hardest to save you. He’d hesitantly come over to where the two of you were talking and stand calmly by your side. After listening to two or three sentences from the vigorous speaker across from you, he’d suddenly and dramatically point in the direction opposite of the two of you and shout, “WHOA, WHAT IS THAT?” And when the person talking turned around to try and see what the fuck he was pointing at, he’d grab you by the arm and run like hell. Once you guys were in the safety of literally anywhere that wasn’t there, you’d give him a kiss of the cheek and call him your hero while he was still out of breath from hardcore sprinting. The lil bun would blush but then front like he was tough shit and say, “Oh, that? That was nothing.”

(CAN WE JUST APPRECIATE THIS GIF FOR A SEC BC WOW)

[one-of-us-blog]

Partners in Crime (Doctor Who S04E01)

Today Jon is forced to watch and recap “Partners in Crime”, the first episode of Doctor Who’s fourth series. The Doctor’s been through a lot of loss lately, but will the return of a familiar face boost his spirits or bring him more heartache?

Keep reading to find out…

Eli, I’m thrilled you liked “Forgive Me, Father” so much! It’s one of my early favorites, too, and for the same reasons you listed. Watching Rose realize Frank’s a priest is one of my favorite Rose moments of the series, and I had a feeling you’d get a kick out of Sophia blowing her breasts.

Speaking of breasts, it’s time for the Doctor to get himself a new companion! Away we go!

Episode directed by James Strong and written by Russell T Davies

Series four is already throwing me for a bit of a loop, as we dive right into the opening credits without a prologue. With those out of the way we’re reintroduced to Donna Noble (Catherine Tate), last seen in “The Runaway Bride”. She’s dressed like a proper business lady, and she and the Doctor seem interested in the same office building. She goes in through the front door, quickly flashing what we can assume is a fake ID and claiming to be from Health & Safety, while the Doc sonic screwdrivers his way in through the back and uses his psychic paper to pass himself off as John Smith from Health & Safety. We learn that the building houses Adipose Industries, which is pushing a supposed miracle pill that causes fat to walk right off people. Donna sits in on a presentation demonstrating how the pill works, which the Doctor also watches from the projection booth. Miss Foster explains to a reporter that Adipose already has over a million satisfied customers, and next week Adipose is going nationwide.

Donna sneaks around an Adipose call center while the Doctor does the same. Donna gets her hands on a gold pendant that also comes with the miracle pill and gets a printed list of Adipose clients. The Doc’s having the same idea, and we play a quick round of whack-a-mole while the Doctor and Donna almost notice each other but don’t. Miss Foster arrives and tells the staff that they have to up their sales and the Doc’s distracted by a flirtatious worker long enough for Donna to collect the client list and be on her way. Later that night they each meet up with an Adipose client, and both are nothing less than satisfied with the product. Well, sort of; the client the Doc’s seeing is having some nocturnal issues. Every night at the same time his alarm goes off, but he never finds anyone trying to break in. Donna’s client is getting ready to dump her slob of a boyfriend and pops into the washroom to get ready while Donna waits downstairs.

Donna begins to fiddle with the pendant she snatched from Adipose, and this triggers a violent reaction in the client upstairs. Something begins to move in the woman’s skin, and back at Adipose HQ Miss Foster is alerted to an issue. The Doctor is also alerted by a very homemade looking device which leads him towards Donna’s client’s house. Speaking of, an adorable little living ball of fat just jumped out of that woman. Miss Foster says the Adipose has been witnessed, and they can’t have that. She fiddles with a pendant of her own, and suddenly more and more little guys start to pop out of the woman. Donna’s figured out something’s wrong, but the woman doesn’t answer when she asks what’s going on. She finally asks Donna for help, but the door is locked and Donna can’t get in before the woman totally dissolves into living balls of fat. By the time Donna breaks in all but one of the lil guys has gone, and the last one jumps out of the window after giving her a wave.

A collection van arrives to scoop up the Adipose and the Doctor’s nearby as well. Donna rushes outside in time to see the collection van zoom past, and the van nearly runs over the Doc. His device tells him what he wants is inside the van, but he quickly loses sight of it. Donna and the Doctor are one street corner away from each other, but they turn away before they can notice. Miss Foster is hard at work and knows someone’s stolen a capsule, and by watching the security feed she spots Donna. Speaking of, Donna is living with her mother, Sylvia, now and as soon as she gets inside the door her Sylvia begins reading her within an inch of her life. Desperate to be away, Donna goes to find her grandfather, who’s stargazing on top of a nearby hill. Hey, wait a second! Donna’s grandpa is Wilfred Mott, the shopkeeper the Doctor met last time in “Voyage of the Damned”! Coincidences upon coincidences!

Wilfred knows Sylvia is hard on Donna, so he invites her to stargaze with him. Wilfred is optimistic about humanity’s future and is sure they’ll make it to the stars one day. Hey, asks Donna, you haven’t seen a little blue box flying around, have you? Wilfred doesn’t know what she’s talking about, but, given the sort of year she’s had, he’s willing to give her a pass. Donna can’t really explain what she’s been through, and half the time she feels like she’s going mad. Right now she’s waiting; there’s a man out there she’s supposed to be with, but she let him get away. He’s still out there, though, and she’s going to find him.

Speaking of, the man in question is talking to himself inside the TARDIS while he examines an Adipose pendant. That little blue box seems awfully big and empty with just him inside. The next morning Donna borrows Sylvia’s car and heads back to Adipose Industries. The TARDIS materializes right behind her car after she’s left it, and she and the Doc both make their ways back inside the building. Donna hides in a washroom while the Doctor hides in a supply closet, and they both wait for the day to end and the employees to leave the building. They eventually do, and the Doctor exits his closet to begin snooping. Donna’s held up, though, as Sylvia calls to bug her about the car. Donna has to cut her off, as Miss Foster and two armed goons bust into the washroom. Foster demands Donna show herself, but Donna plays it cool. One of the goons begins kicking in stalls one after the other and eventually uncovers the reporter from the demonstration earlier. She’s been snooping around, too, and she’s uncovered that all of Foster’s supposed results from the Adipose pills are fake.

Foster has her goons drag the reporter away, leaving Donna free to escape the Washroom of Doom. The Doctor’s made his way to the roof, and hijacks and window-washing platform to get into an upper office through a window. He’s about to climb inside when Foster and the reporter enter, so he settles for using a stethoscope to eavesdrop from the outside. Foster’s goons tie up the reporter and Foster tells the reporter that the Adipose pills are actually the spark of life. It attracts fat cells and galvanizes them to form a body, which is what Donna saw in the woman’s apartment earlier. Miss Foster chose her name well, you see; she’s a foster mother for these little abominations. Donna, meanwhile, has caught up and is observing all of this through a window set into the office door. She and the Doctor finally notice each other, and Donna just about loses her shit. I can’t lie, it’s pretty adorable. They two mouth words back and forth, and Donna explains that she’s here because she wanted to find the Doctor; she read about weird stuff going on at Adipose, and figured the Doctor would show up sooner or later.

Donna realizes Foster’s been watching all of this in what’s easily the funniest moment the show’s had in a while. Donna and the Doc both make a break for it, with Donna heading upstairs while the Doctor is heading down. The two meet on a landing and reunite with a hug; Donna makes the time to point out that the Doc’s wearing the same suit he was in the last time she saw him. Doesn’t he ever change? No time for that, goons are in hot pursuit! It’s back up to the roof and Donna explains she’s been looking for the Doc ever since she turned down his offer to join him in the TARDIS. She’s looked into crop circles, UFO sightings and even that thing about all the bees disappearing in the hopes that he’d be involved in one of the incidents. The Doc drags Donna into the same platform he uses to eavesdrop earlier and is pretty sure they should be safe; he’s rigged it so it will only respond to a sonic device, and he’s the only one with one of those handy. Only he’s not, because Foster’s packing a sonic pen. Shiiit.

Foster and her goons (and her pen) make it to the roof. She uses her pen to send the platform into a free fall, and the Doc’s barely able to stop it in time. He tries to screwdriver his way into a window, but Foster deadlocks the entire building. Donna, being ever proactive, tries to smash the window with a wrench, but that doesn’t work. Foster cuts the platform’s cable and Donna falls overboard. She’s hanging on for dear life, and Foster’s moving on to cut the other cable. The Doc’s able to use his screwdriver to short out her pen, causing her to drop it down to him. Now armed with two sonic devices, the Doc’s able to overcome the deadlock and get the window open. He climbs inside and runs down to the floor Donna’s hanging outside of and, after some wriggling, manages to get her inside. They also make the time to untie the journalist, who’s been all but forgotten in all the hubbub.

Donna and the Doctor run smack into Foster and her goons. Foster gives herself a proper introduction. She’s Matron Cofelia of the Five-Straighten Classabindi Nursery Fleet (Intergalactic Class). The Doctor summarizes: she’s a wet-nurse. She’s been hired by the Adiposian First Family to bring in a new generation of butterballs after their breeding planet was lost. How do you lose a planet, you might ask? Politics, amiright? Anyway, Matron Cofelia doesn’t care about any of that, though, she’s only interested in the baby Adipose. Donna asks about the woman who was completely transformed into Adiposian youngsters, and Cofelia explains that the babies can be made up out of any biologic material (they just prefer fat). The Doctor points out that what the Matron’s doing is illegal, but Cofelia doesn’t back down. She has her goons pull their guns on Donna and the Doc, but the Doctor puts the sonic pen and screwdriver together to create a sound wave that gives them time to escape.

Cofelia and her goons make it back to her office in time to tie up the reporter, who’s still snooping around, while the Doc gets access to Cofelia’s computer system. He couldn’t do anything with it with just a screwdriver, but now he’s got two sonic devices to work with. Cofelia sets the inducer into motion, triggering a premature delivery of the Adipose pills already in circulation. While the Doc techs some tech Donna asks if he’s still on his own. He tells her about Martha and how he ruined her life. She asks about Rose, and he says she’s still lost. What about Donna, though? Wasn’t she supposed to go out and travel the world? Yeah, she was gonna, but that’s kind of harder than it sounds. After her adventure with the Doctor she woke up into the same old life, and, despite a trip to Egypt, she fell into her same habits. Donna says she regrets turning down the Doc’s offer to join him and, a few misspoken words later, he’s inadvertently invited her to join him again. This time, she readily accepts.

Meanwhile, people who have been using Adipose begin to convulse as the baby Adiposians begin to erupt from their bodies. The streets fill with millions of the little stinkers, and all of them begin to converge on Adipose Industries. The Doc is aware of this, but says that for now people are just losing fat. Cofelia’s triggered the emergency protocol, though, which means soon all one million Adipose customers are going to be completely transformed into dozens of fat little alien babies. The Doctor uses the pendant he took from the company to override the system, but Cofelia doubles the strength of the pulse and the Doc’s screwed. He needs a second pendant to save everyone… you mean like the one Donna took earlier? Hell yeah, partners in crime! The Doc plugs in the second pendant and the signal is shut off, saving all the Adipose customers across the country.

Cofelia isn’t too worried, though; she didn’t get the millions of newborns she was hoping for, but she did get 10,000. The nursery ship arrives overhead, and Cofelia heads to the roof to greet it. Wilfred is still stargazing back at home, but, of course, he’s looking the wrong way so he doesn’t get to scope out the ship. The ship hovers above Adipose Industries and begins to beam up the Adiposian babies. The Doctor is eavesdropping on transmissions from the First Family and realizes that Matron Cofelia is the one in trouble now, not them. He and Donna rush to the roof and Donna asks if he plans on blowing up the babies; he says of course not, as they can’t help where they came from. Donna points out this is a much different stance than the one he had back in “The Runaway Bride”, when he drowned all those baby Racnoss, and says being with Martha did the Doctor a lot of good.

The Doc catches sight of Cofelia as she’s beamed towards the ship and he tries to warn her of her fate. The Adiposian First Family knows what they’ve been doing is illegal, and they want to get rid of their accomplice. Cofelia doesn’t buy this, though, as she’s nanny to all these babies. The Doc says that’s right, but, the thing is, now that the Adiposian parents are going to get their babies they don’t need a nanny anymore. The First Family cuts the beam and Matron Cofelia falls to her death as the Adiposian ship blasts off.

With that all taken care of, Donna’s ready to jump into the TARDIS. She realizes the Doc’s ship is right behind her packed car and declares this to be destiny. She reveals that she’s had her packed bags waiting in the car this whole time, just in case she should run into the Doc again. The Doc doesn’t seem enthused, and Donna’s afraid he doesn’t want her tagging along anymore. Would he rather be alone? No, he says, he wouldn’t. But he did ruin Martha’s life, and she had this crush on him and it just got super weird. He just wants a friend, you know? A mate!

Whoa, says Donna, he wants to mate? No, thank you! The Doc explains he means he wants a friend, and it’s pretty clear that, for once, neither the Doctor nor his companion are attracted to each other. Hallelujah!

With that out of the way the Doctor officially invites Donna to join him. She’s still got her mom’s keys, though, and she’ll have to drop those off. She calls Sylvia and lets her know she’s going on a trip. She drops the keys off in a trashcan and lets Sylvia know where she can find them. She walks up to a nearby woman and asks her to tell Sylvia which bin the keys are in. She runs off and the woman turns around to reveal that she’s… Rose Tyler!

What the fuck!

Rose walks away and literally disappears into thin air as Donna rushes back to the TARDIS. Donna talks the Doc into doing a flyby near her house so that Wilfred can see her inside the blue box she told him about earlier. He cheers her on as the TARDIS zooms into the sky.

The End

~~~~~

What a way to start a series! I have to say, I have a huge soft spot for Catherine Tate, so it’s going to be hard for me to objectively rate her performances here. But, even with that said, I thought she did a great job in her second go as Donna. I feel like the character’s been refined a bit, or at least had a few of her more abrasive edges sanded down. She still has plenty of bite, but there’s a sweetness to her that we didn’t get to see much of in “The Runaway Bride”. I’m really, really looking forward to seeing her in action, and I love that, once again, this companion is vastly different from the last. In a way, these last three companions form a nice arc; we had Rose, who was a teenager without much direction in life, then we had Martha, who was a slightly-older-but-still-definitely-young woman and knew exactly what she wanted to do with her life, and now we have Donna, who’s a grown woman who’s realized that what she’s done with her life wasn’t necessarily what she really wanted. I love the way the companions all feel like individuals with their own perspectives and motivations, and I can’t wait to see more of Donna and the Doctor together. As far as this story goes, it was a lot of fun! Matron Cofelia felt like possibly the most intelligent and put-together villains we’ve seen in a long time (maybe she wasn’t as smart as the Master, but she was definitely more sane than him) and I really enjoyed Sarah Lancashire’s performance. The Adiposian babies were just adorable, to boot.

I happily give “Partners in Crime” QQQQQ on the Five Q Scale.

We’ll see you again on Tuesday when Eli will get another little family reunion with the next episode of The Golden Girls, “Long Day’s Journey into Marinara”, and then on Wednesday I’ll keep on trucking through series four with the next episode of Doctor Who: “The Fires of Pompeii”.

Until then, thanks for reading, thanks for birthing and thanks for being One of Us!