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jedifarmerr · 8 months ago

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Untimely - Joel Miller x F!Reader/OFC (AFAB).

Summary: Joel might have a little crush on his business partner, but it’s no big deal - really.

This can be read as either pre-canon or AU. Reader has a nickname, but physical description is a blank slate

Rating: E (18+ no minors)

Warnings/Tags: Joel’s POV, readers dad used to be Joel’s boss, discussion of absent parents (not reader), very minor discussion of parental death (again not reader), Joel is kinda awkward when it comes to dating, workplace relationship but without power dynamics, squint and you’ll find an age gap (no exact age is stated but she does have a college degree), pining and lots of it, denial of feelings and all that good stuff, and smut in general. I’m not gonna tag everything or this would get way too long but consent is clearly stated and does not have any major triggers (to my knowledge, but let me know if you catch something).

Word Count: 23,000. This was supposed to be a short one-shot, but got out of control. Oops. This is separated into two parts on AO3

Note: I’m back!! I know it’s been a hot minute, but I’m very very excited and very very nervous to share what I’ve been working on in my absence. But here it is!

---

The first full week of September, and Austin was deadlocked in a nasty heatwave.

Days like this made Joel wish he’d chosen a job that involved a roof over his head – or maybe just a little shade. Anything would be better than being crushed under the weight of the cruel Texas sun as it poured down through the bare-bone house. Still, Joel hammered his way through it. Even as the sun baked his scalp and covered every inch of his skin in sweat.

Joel flapped his shirt to dry the cotton sticking to his chest like silicone glue. His walk was more so a waddle, which was honestly his fault for wearing jeans. The denim chafed against his thighs while combing the work site for any loose supplies. All he wanted to do was hop into his work truck, blast the air conditioning and leave, but instead he diligently checked between every wooden beam and around every corner. Despite the lack of drywall leaving barely any hiding spots, it was insane how often Tommy forgot a power drill behind a tub of paint or cement.

Or somewhere else incredibly stupid.

Nothing major today, though. Just a few nails that jingled around in his tool belt as he stepped out onto the future front porch, immediately spotting Tommy. Kinda hard to miss with his big ass head poking out the driver side window while puffing on his daily post-work Marlboro.

“The engine was making that funny noise again,” Tommy claimed, his voice echoing across the dirt lawns and unpaved driveways of the brand new subdivision.

Joel walked past the rusty-white hood, but heard nothing other than the usual ancient roar. There was the radio in the cab playing Foolish Games by Jewel – a favorite of Sarah’s.

“Funny noise, huh?” He eyed Tommy with blatant skepticism before slumping into the dusty cloth seat with a thunk. “Well, sounds like it’s fixed now.”

“Oh yeah good as new.” Tommy burned the soul from his cigarette, then chucked the butt out the window. “This thing’s gotta be what - 10? 15 years old?”

“Something like that.” Joel didn’t know off the top of his head. The truck had been a part of the company even longer than him, meaning it had to be somewhere closer to 15 than 10. From what he could recall it’d been a few years off mint condition even when Danny first hired him.

“Then, how the hell is it still running?”

“Danny’s a smart man who didn’t buy a shitty Chevy,” Joel lightheartedly jabbed at his little brother – a self-proclaimed Chevrolet man, but only because of his buddies. “He knew that Ford was better - built tough.”

“Well, ain’t lookin’ too tough now,” Tommy pointed out and Joel shrugged.

As long as the truck got him from one place to the next, he didn’t care if it was taped together by spit and gorilla glue. He knew for a fact Tommy wouldn’t complain either if a new one was coming out of his wallet instead.

Tommy threw the truck into reverse. “I’m telling you now, you’re gonna regret not buying a new one sooner.”

“What are you gonna do?” Joel snorted. “Put some sugar in the gas tank?”

“I don’t have to sabotage this piece of shit - it’ll crap out on its own soon enough,” Tommy said. “Hell, it could even happen today.”

“Better not,” Joel grumbled, but otherwise went quiet. He didn’t know why Tommy had to put that idea in his head. Sarah was waiting for him at the shop. He couldn’t imagine a worse day for the truck to break down.

For a mile or so, Joel sat on the edge of his seat, carefully listening to the bumps and groans – typical for a truck around Sarah’s age. The engine rattled as Tommy merged onto Highway 183, but it always did when accelerating. He swore it did.

Whatever – enough.

There was paperwork to do. Today’s timesheets were in the glovebox, only halfway complete. So, he pulled out the folder and set to work. At least it offered a distraction from the brakes screeching like a horde of bats during rush hour traffic.

“Did you ever hear from the concrete guys?” Tommy turned down an obnoxiously loud ad for a car dealership in town.

Grunting, he curtly nodded. His pen found Harry’s Concrete at the bottom of the sheet and promptly scratched it out with scathing red ink. Just seeing their name triggered a sour taste in his mouth.

He was used to the concrete guys being flaky, but not like this. These last couple months had been like dandruff in the winter. Brutal. Today, the bastards didn’t even have the balls to call until after lunch. No excuse, either.

“Third day in a row,” Tommy just had to say, as if he needed a nudge. “In my opinion - I think it’s time to hire somebody else.”

“Well, you know who to share that opinion with, and it ain’t me,” Joel chided – annoyed. It drove him crazy how often Tommy needed to be reminded of simple things, like what Joel’s role in the business entailed. For God sake – it’d been over a year now since he became a partner in the company.

Joel could initially understand the confusion. After all, Danny had run the business as a one-man show and everyone, including Joel, thought his daughter would fully take over once he retired. Danny had always said that was the plan anyway, and even named the place: Teddy’s Company.

Originally, Joel had thought Teddy was her real name until three years ago when he finally got the chance to meet her. But how was he supposed to know when Danny never called her by anything else? It wasn’t like Joel had known much about her back then either, and what little he did came from Danny’s vague and blue-moon updates.

College is going well.

Her new job’s treating her good.

She moved into a new place, seems to like it.

Short – brief. Some people probably thought Danny was being crusty but that wasn’t the case. No, Danny was never rude or mean, just quiet. A man of few words who on his more mute days could even make Joel look chatty.

Before meeting her, Joel used to wonder what she’d be like. His future boss. There was a mystery around her that made her seem almost mythical, an enigma. She was like Willy Wonka with her name plastered all over the place: on his shirts, the side of the truck, front and center of the shop. But Joel had no idea who she was.

Even with a gun to his head, he couldn’t have picked her out of a crowd. Or even a line-up. The only picture he’d seen of her was in a popsicle frame on Danny’s otherwise bare desk: The two of them at a petting zoo where she couldn’t be older than six.

Without much to go by, Joel had simply assumed that she would look and act, at least somewhat similar to her dad. He’d built Teddy up in his mind as a strong, burly woman who was gruff around the edges. Someone with a sailor’s mouth and stubby fingernails embedded with dirt and grit and grout.

Instead, they were fake and baby pink. She looked like she had never changed a tire in her whole life.

She probably hadn’t, but she was without a doubt smarter than Tommy and him combined. A graduate from some fancy university in California with an equally fancy business degree. Charming with a nice, smooth voice perfect for sales. If she went to a random street corner to sell bags of cow manure she could sucker anyone, even him, into waiting in line to buy one.

She was down-right impressive. Finances, pitches, and permits, she could do it all. However, the other side of the business – the manual labor, a little more dirty.

Joel had not a doubt in his mind that she had the ability to learn it, but did she want to?

Hell no.

For one, she had this irrational fear over being electrocuted. Back before Danny retired and she first started working at the front desk, Joel had walked in on her changing out a lightbulb, and you would’ve thought a snake had popped out of the ceiling. He’d mistaken it for a fear of heights until a few months back when Sarah refused to let him shower during a rainstorm. Sarah had looked hysterical using her lanky-arms to body-block the stairs, warning him that he’d get fried if he went up there.

“Don’t you know dad, lightning can travel through plumbing? Teddy was telling me all about it today.”

Joel didn’t have a clue where that particular fear stemmed from, but her vendetta against attics, now that he could understand. After all, she’d probably still be in California if not for her dad’s accident.

It was never Danny’s plan to retire so early. Despite the appointments and constant physical therapy, it’d still caught Joel by surprise, though not as much as Teddy’s offer to run the business alongside her. Together. 50/50. Sure, it came with this boring paperwork, but a bigger paycheck as well. Only a fool would’ve turned that down.

Besides, promotion or not – he would’ve stayed and worked for her, regardless.

—

Back at the shop, Joel would usually help Tommy unload the truck, but not today.

Instead, Joel tucked the file under his arm, hung his tool belt on the rack, then made his way through the garage. He entered through the back door, letting it slam behind him. The cool air greeted him, tingling his tacky skin and he shivered.

The vents rumbled inside the white hallway walls, echoing around the shop. Along with two voices coming from the lobby. When he heard Teddy’s laugh, he ran a quick hand through his hair, fixing the damp strands away from his forehead.

He rounded the corner and Teddy was at her desk. Everything from her neck down was cut-off by the high-glass counter, making her look like a floating head. A very nice-looking floating head or a nice head to look at or -

Whatever.

She was smiling at him – that same honey-golden smile that welcomed him every morning. The same smile he wished was here to welcome him every evening, as well. But with how late he worked most days, it was a hit or miss. He could never guarantee she would still be here, except on the days with Sarah.

“You’re late,” Sarah said before he could even say hi.

Joel glanced at the clock above the front door. 5:45. 15 minutes.

“Barely.” Anything less than thirty was a win in his book. It didn’t matter that Teddy chose to stick around and keep Sarah company, he wouldn’t push it. She was his business partner – not a babysitter.

“Still late.” Sarah stepped away from Teddy’s desk with her arms crossed menacingly over her chest. If not for the twitch of her lips, she would’ve appeared deadly serious. The girl never could keep a straight face though for more than a second.

“Let me guess, you’ll forgive me if we can get McDonald’s on the way home?”

Bingo. Sarah tapped on the tip of her nose and Joel huffed a laugh.

“Well, Uncle Tommy drove, but we can ask-”

“We?” Sarah looked at him like he was crazy before shaking her head. “I think I’ll handle this one on my own.”

“What’re you trying to say?” He asked and her lips curved into a half-cocky, half-play smirk that screamed teenage girl. A stage of life he felt rather unprepared for, even more so than diapers and potty training and 6th grade math. The teenage years were bound to be harder than statistics and exponents and long division.

“Come on, dad. When has Uncle Tommy ever said no to this?” She showed off her best puppy dog eyes and alright – yeah, poor Tommy didn’t stand a chance.

But Joel didn’t tell her that. He couldn’t. He was too stunned that the little girl who used to hide behind his legs at the grocery store was the same one who was strutting down the hallway now without even glancing back.

He shook his head in disbelief and looked over at Teddy. “I don’t know where all this confidence of hers has come from recently,” he said, jabbing his thumb in the direction of the now-shut door. “But I’m guessing it has something to do with you.”

“Me?” She fluttered her lashes like she was clueless – definitely something she wasn’t.

“That’s right,” he replied as he approached her desk. Her area always smelled clean and homey like fresh laundry in a field of wildflowers. The last thing he wanted to do was invade her perfumed bubble with the stench of his sweat and that specific twang that came from being outside all day. So, when he caught a strong whiff of her perfume, he stopped and propped his hip against the desk before saying, “I think you’re rubbing off on her.”

“And is that such a bad thing?” She squinted at him and unlike Sarah, she could actually keep a straight face.

“No.” He firmly shook his head. “In fact, I meant that as a compliment.”

In an instant, her flat-line lips split into a wide grin. He smiled in return, stupidly pleased with himself for making her light up like that. His gaze momentarily dropped from her lips to the single button left undone on her shirt. The charcoal gray fabric shined in a way that reminded him of moonlight over Travis Lake. It looked soft and smooth as butter. And not to mention expensive. Joel bet if he touched it, even so carefully, the material would immediately snag under his callouses.

Teddy motioned for the file and when he handed it over, he felt a draft under his armpit from the hole in his shirt. He glanced down at his jeans, covered in dirt and mud and sawdust. Filthy. He felt a twinge of self-consciousness. It was hard not to feel like a mess next to her sometimes when she was always dressed so goddamn professional with her pressed slacks and tucked in shirts. Anyone who saw her would think she worked for some big corpo with a koi pond in the lobby. Not a Morton building with more garage than office space.

“They didn’t show?”

Teddy’s voice jolted his attention back to her face. Her lips were pinched, her cherry red fingernail was bleeding into his own pissed-off pen marks. He mentally cursed himself for being too wrapped up in his own stupid head to warn her about the concrete guys. Good going, idiot.

There was nothing he could do about it now, except frown and shake his head. “They called and said-”

“Let me guess, they’ll be there first thing tomorrow?” She bitterly scoffed, clipping the folder shut. The manila spine crunched under her grip before she abruptly turned away from him to face the wall of cabinets behind her. She never said it out loud that it bothered her, but clearly it did and rightfully so.

Working here this long Joel had witnessed these same people treat her dad with respect only to now try and walk all over her. He found it complete and utter bullshit, but was it a surprise? Sadly, not really. Enough years around construction sites and his tinnitus resembled cat-calls more than a compressor.

Still, he fucking hated it. His left eye flinched watching her file away the folder in silence. The protective lobe in his brain flared as his fingers curled and burned into a fist at his side. God – he wanted to go to Harry’s Concrete and give that bald loser a piece of his mind and maybe a black eye, but he didn’t.

He wouldn’t.

No – instead, he continued to bite his tongue until his mouth flooded with the taste of pennies. He’d become used to the tang of copper in his mouth after the roofers, the plumbers, even the electricians that tried her in the past. The only reason he held himself back was because of her. Because she asked him to let her deal with it, and she was perfectly capable of handling things herself. Better than him at it, in fact.

Teddy slammed the drawer shut, rattling the entire cabinet. “I’m not gonna fire them.”

“Okay,” he said without having to think twice. He didn’t expect her to fire them, honestly. She’d explained to him before that she’d never burn bridges prematurely. The grass was not always greener on the other side, especially not in Texas. Especially not in this line of work.

“Or - I should say I’m not going to fire them yet, anyway.” Her voice was steady – determined. “But one more and it’s over. I’m gonna let Harry know that he’s on his last strike when I call him tomorrow.”

“Give ‘em hell,” he encouraged her. Whatever she said in those calls had, so far, been enough to whip everyone who crossed her into shape. Just once, he wished he could be a fly on the wall to witness her in action. She didn’t look particularly tough, but he imagined her being like an asp caterpillar, fuzzy and harmless until poked.

She didn’t linger on the topic, and instead asked about his day. He did the same. Neither had much to report outside the usual.

“So, how was Sarah today? Did she talk your ear off about the homecoming dance coming up?”

She giggled, gathering up the papers on her desk and stacking them into a neat pile in the corner. “How did you know?”

“Cause she found out Monday, and hasn’t talked about anything else since.”

“Oh and it’s only just begun,” she said with a smirk. “Welcome to your life for the next few weeks, Joel.”

Joel scratched at the spot where his temple was already beginning to throb. Why did they have to announce it so early? It was great seeing Sarah so excited, but she kept asking him about his own first homecoming. He hated lying to her, but he couldn’t very well tell her the only thing he remembered was Rachel Borthwick and how she let him feel her up – the first boobs he ever touched – underneath the gymnasium bleachers. The thought of Sarah being that same age made him want to throw up.

He swallowed the thought before it came out all over her desk. “Were you the same way at her age?”

“Oh yeah. I’m sure if you asked my dad, he’d tell you I was worse.” She snorted, almost seeming embarrassed by her younger self. “For some odd reason, I had it built up in my mind that it’d be like that prom scene from Grease. Minus the broadcast and all that-”

“Wait, your dance wasn’t on the news?” He tried to keep a straight face, but he was just as bad as his daughter.

“Shut up.” She playfully shoved his arm and he rubbed it like it hurt. She rolled her eyes, but continued anyway. “My dad didn’t have the heart to tell me, so it was a pretty huge letdown when they didn’t even play Born to Hand Jive. I think I even requested it.”

“How did you survive?”

“It’s a miracle,” she said, and he huffed out a laugh. Three years later, and she still surprised him with every new story she chose to reveal.

There was a split-second where the only sound in the room came from the buzzy-white fluorescent lights above him. Teddy stole a quick glance towards the hallway, as if checking if Sarah was back. She had still not reappeared and he wondered if Tommy had baited her into helping him unload the truck or maybe just sticking around to talk.

Teddy clicked her fingernails on the counter in front of him. “Real quick, I wanted to ask,” she said before clearing her throat. “Have you and Sarah talked at all about dress shopping?”

Joel shifted back a step, his boots scratching against the cheap, gray carpet. “Dress shopping?” He forced the words from his throat, then shook his head. He looked away, feeling a pit in his stomach that reminded him of Muffins for Mother’s Day in elementary school – Mommy & Me at the daycare.

Again – dress shopping was another one of those things girls usually did with their mom’s, but Lisa wasn’t meant to be a mom. She’d even said so herself in the note she left next to her engagement ring on the day she vanished with their dog. Joel wished his own mom was still around to help fill in when the gaps felt too big for him, but sadly, she had passed away before Sarah turned 4. Since then, it’d only been just Tommy and him.

“The only reason I ask is because,” Teddy started, clutching at the dainty gold chain around her neck, “Well, she sorta asked me to take her.”

“Oh.” Joel didn’t know what else to say. Not that it offended him or anything petty like that. God no – he wasn’t delusional enough to think that he would be Sarah’s first choice when it came to fashion. After all, his idea of dressing up was a flannel and whatever jeans were clean. Teddy made a lot more sense than him.

“I didn’t give her an answer, just so you know. I wanted to check with you first.” Her voice was rushed, slightly pitchy, and he realized this was the first time he’d ever seen her even remotely nervous. She must be just as cautious as him about crossing whatever line was supposed to exist in this…relationship? Dynamic?

Joel smiled at her, softly, hoping to ease her anxiety. “Well, thank you,” he said and she appeared to relax at his calm tone. “I have no problems with you taking her, as long as you wanna do it.”

“Of course, I want to, but are you - are you sure? I mean, you could always come with us if you want. We could all go together?”

The offer was tempting, but he declined. He knew Sarah would enjoy it being just the two of them. It could be girl time or whatever.

Teddy pulled out her planner to check on what dates would work best when Sarah came back in. Once she heard the good news, the victorious grin on her face somehow grew even bigger. The last time he saw her that excited was when he surprised her with tickets to Six Flags for her 11th birthday.

Teddy and her started to discuss which stores to hit and what mall would be best, basically a foreign language to him. He should’ve started on closing duties, but instead he found his gaze drawn to Teddy. How she appeared equally as thrilled as Sarah. He always could tell when she was excited by the way she talked with her hands. That smile was downright infectious and –

He noticed Sarah watching him. Her quizzical eyes were glued to his face. Shit. He was staring. Quick. Joel forced a smile at Sarah that hopefully said nothing-to-see-here. He didn’t stick around to wait for her reaction and instead, fled into his office.

For a few minutes, he pretended to check over files and went down the list of closing duties, completely avoiding them until the only thing left was setting the alarm. Finally, he dared to look in their direction again. When he saw Sarah’s focus was entirely on Teddy, the tension drained from his shoulders.

He thought he was in the clear.

—-

“Dad, do you think Teddy’s pretty?”

Joel’s head whipped up and a sharp, pointy fry was lodged into the back of his throat. It burned and stabbed its way down to his esophagus. For a second, he thought he was going to choke and die at his own dining room table from a McDonald’s fry.

“What?” His voice crackled like sandpaper from holding in a cough.

“She asked if you thought Teddy was pretty?” Tommy repeated, loud and clear with a smug grin that he didn’t even try to hide behind his Big Mac.

Joel’s gaze flickered from one set of brown eyes to the next. He was cornered, his back against the bay window. No way out and no one to blame but himself for this mess. He was, after all, the dummy who got caught.

Joel held up a waiting finger, then slowly sipped on his coke to calm his burning throat. He wiped his mouth with a napkin as he wrapped his head around what to say. Lying was out of the question. It seemed more damning than the truth.

The thing was – there was nothing wrong with finding her attractive. It didn’t have to mean anything. It wasn’t like she was asking if he liked her. Not that he did like her. Well, maybe just a little. Just a teeny, tiny crush but it was nothing really. Stupid, honestly. For the most part, he could ignore it.

Joel cleared his throat and gave a casual shrug. “Uh yeah, she’s uh - she’s pretty.”

Despite his best attempt at cool, Sarah’s lips still flickered. Only the corners, as she continued to bathe her fries in a pool of ketchup.

“Have you ever thought about - maybe asking her out?”

A deep laugh barked in his ears and bounced around the tile floor like spiky ping pong balls. “Come on, Teddy’s way out of his league.” Tommy’s hand collided against his shoulder with a hard thwack. It slightly stung.

But Joel didn’t take it too seriously. Tommy hassling him over Teddy was nothing new. Ever since she started working the front desk, it’d been Tommy’s favorite gag. In a weird way, Joel considered it a good thing that he saw it as one big joke. If Tommy had any idea about his silly crush, he would’ve kept his mouth shut instead of teasing him. Tommy might’ve been a lot of things, but he wasn’t cruel.

Sarah didn’t seem to care whether it was a joke or not and scolded her uncle from across the table. She gave him a hard glare before turning back to Joel. She blinked expectantly, not letting him out of this.

Joel sighed. “Sorry, kiddo, but I don’t think so.”

“Why not?”

“Because.” He licked his teeth and sucked a stuck piece of meat from between his molars. There was a laundry list of reasons, but he went with the least complicated. “We work together.”

“So? Two teachers at my school are dating, and it’s no big deal. They didn’t even get in trouble.”

“Wait,” Tommy piped in with a mouthful of bun and sauce. “Isn’t she dating someone?”

Joel swallowed down the salty taste in his mouth, bitter like vinegar. He nodded. “Yeah, I think so.”

“You think so?” Sarah looked at him with clear suspicion. “So, she didn’t tell you that.”

“Well…no. But-”

“Then, how do you know?”

Joel crinkled the empty wrapper into a tight ball, then tossed it into the paper bag. “Somebody sent her flowers at work. Nice ones too.” Too grand to fit in her car, so instead they lived and died in the tiny break room directly across from his office.

“When?”

Three months. “I don’t know, not that long ago.”

“Well, how do you know they weren’t from her dad?” Sarah asked, not backing down. “Or maybe her friends sent them?”

Joel shook his head, recalling the stupid plastic holder that had poked out at him like a giant weed among the long stem roses. “The card said Happy Anniversary.”

At that, Sarah sank into the chair like a deflated balloon. She shoved a whole chicken nugget into her mouth – no sauce. Each dry crunch-crunch grated against the silence.

This recent interest in his love life was new. He wondered if it had something to do with her age or maybe all those rom-coms she watched. She’d never cared about him dating or – she did try to set him up once, a few months ago, with her best friend’s recently divorced mom, but when he shot it down she had quickly moved on.

But she didn’t even finish her chicken nuggets. He noticed a faraway look in her eyes – his eyes, one of the only things she inherited from him. She was somewhere deep in her head, in that big brain of hers that definitely didn’t come from him.

She did eventually perk up when Tommy brought up the new season of the Bachelor, but still wasn’t her usual self. So after Tommy left, Joel settled in beside her on the couch to watch Friends. This show was like her pacifier. Sick or just a bad day, one of Joey’s jokes could cheer her up instantly.

Not today, though. A whole episode later, and she’d barely said a word. Barely laughed, which had him really concerned. He got the sense that whatever was bothering her was something bigger than just Teddy.

“You’re quiet tonight.” He wrapped his arm around her shoulder and snugged her closer. She collapsed into him like a domino. Full cheeks squished against his shirt. She didn’t respond, and he didn’t press. Only can-laughter existed in the space between them.

Laying like this reminded him of when she was a baby. So tiny, a full head of hair even then. She would fall asleep on his bare chest while waiting for Lisa to return home from work. Looking back, the signs had always been there that one day she would run. She’d practically lived at her job after her maternity leave was done. Hell, she didn’t even take the full 6 weeks. Post-partum, the doctor called it, it’ll get better in time. But it didn’t. There was no medication cocktail that could make her want this life – that could make her want to stay.

“Can I ask you something?” Sarah’s eyes didn’t leave Phoebe and Monica.

“Anything,” he murmured against her hair before placing a light kiss to the top of her head. She no longer smelled of Johnson & Johnson or desitin, but coconuts and lime.

“Are you lonely?”

Even with her feathery-soft tone, the words hit him like a sucker punch, square in the jaw. Where the hell did that come from?

“Do I seem lonely?” The words left him like a reflex, automatic. It was the second time tonight she’d caught him off-guard.

“I don’t know.” She shrugged, her shoulders sliding along his t-shirt. “Are you?”

Slowly Sarah lifted her head – her big eyes bore into him and when he could trace every concerned line on her young face, the guilt smothered him like wet mineral wool. It was his job to worry, not hers.

He urgently shook his head. “No. Of course not.”

She silently stared at him, squinting as if somehow it would give her Professor X’s ability to read his mind. Clearly, he did not convince her and so he tried again. Harder.

“Sarah, listen. I am perfectly fine, alright?” He brushed a curly strand of hair from her face, firmly holding her gaze. “If I was lonely, I’d go do something with Uncle Tommy. He’s always asking me to do things after work-”

“Why don’t you?”

Joel couldn’t help but chuckle at her confusion. Of course, she wouldn’t understand. Teenagers always wanted to be out somewhere, doing something with their friends.

“Cause I’m old. And I’m tired. And honestly, I’d rather be home.” With you. The last part never slipped through the gap in his bottom teeth. He never wanted to make Sarah feel guilty for leaving him and living her life.

“You’re such a hermit.” She nudged at his chest, a smile sweeping across her face. Exactly what he’d been missing.

“I prefer homebody,” he corrected, making her burst into a giggling fit. He waited until she went quiet to say, “Either way - you ain’t gotta worry about me, alright?”

Once again, her expression turned very serious. Her eyes darted once, twice, across his face. “Swear?”

“On my life.”

—

Later that night, Joel laid awake in bed fighting to find a comfortable position. Even sprawling out in the middle didn’t work. The sheets were tangled around his legs, his feet – his thoughts equally twisted up from Sarah’s question earlier.

Are you lonely? Was he?

Joel had never considered himself to be lonely. Not really. Or not all the time, at least. For the most part, Sarah and work kept him busy enough that he never gave it much thought.

If he did think about it though, he supposed crawling into bed alone every night could get a little depressing. He was still human, after all. Intimacy was a basic human need. It was just simple biology when he occasionally craved a soft touch or someone to talk with before drifting off to sleep. It’d been a long damn time since he experienced either of those things.

Maybe Sarah was onto something. Maybe it was time for him to get back out there, but oh God. Just thinking about it made him light-headed.

Where would he even start?

His last serious relationship was his only serious relationship. After Lisa left, there was hardly any time for that. Being a single dad, dating wasn’t his top priority.

Sure, he’d managed to squeeze in a few first dates over the years, even less second ones, and he couldn’t for the life of him recall a third. If so, it’d been nothing worth remembering.

Honestly, the only person he’d considered asking out recently was Teddy. It was just a dumb idea that crossed his mind sometime in late spring when too much tree pollen and dust mites must’ve gotten into his head. He’d luckily come to his senses and fast. A few short weeks later, those damn flowers showed up.

If he was being honest, no one else really interested him.

And how could they?

It wasn’t even just about her looks, she was sweet and smart and surprisingly funny. Joking or not, Tommy was right – she was way out of his league and why was he thinking about this right now? Joel cleared his mind with a hard shake of his head. He needed to stop, get some sleep. He didn’t want to know what time it was already. Without looking at the clock, he flipped onto his side, fluffed his pillow, then shut his eyes.

Within seconds, Teddy slithered back into his mind with her perfect smile, the delicious scent of her soap, and those jeans she would undoubtedly wear tomorrow. Casual Friday might actually be the death of him. Denim on her hips was seriously a sin.

Just thinking of her fully-clothed ass made his cock twitch inside his boxers. Somehow that was enough to get him half-hard, the tip snagging over the soft-cotton.

Joel groaned in unison with the bed springs as he flopped onto his back. His palms itched to reach down and squeeze at his cock for a little relief. But he resisted, and forced his mind to somewhere far less pleasant. Broken wires. Wrong-size headers. Clogged drains. A memory of her gripping a PVC pipe invaded his brain and suddenly, it was her small hands wrapped around him instead. How would she look on her knees for him? Would she be able to fit him all in her two hands? If not, would she use her –

“Fuck.” Joel gritted his teeth and fisted at the comforter. Get a grip.

He felt like he was going crazy. Probably from the lack of action outside of his own fist. It was finally catching up with him. Tommy did warn him this would happen and fuck – he hated when Tommy was right.

Joel thought back to the last time he had sex and cringed. Two years ago, but the memory was tattooed in his brain just like the monarch butterfly on the random woman’s lower back. It happened at a sleazy bar where everyone knew Tommy by name. He’d taken too many shots of Wild Turkey, then found himself fucking the woman in a one staller, quick and sloppy, right next to a clogged toilet. Not his proudest moment. He’d go to the grave blaming the whole thing on Tommy, who treated their rare nights out like the bachelor party he was still pissed off that he didn’t get to throw.

The truth was though, even before Joel’s current involuntary celibacy, his sex life had been relatively non-existent.

He hadn’t had sex on a semi-consistent basis since his 20’s. A casual hookup with a lady named Amy, who lived in the same apartment complex as him. No-strings attached. An arrangement born out of pure convenience rather than desire or intense lust. She lived in the apartment below him, and once a week came up after Sarah went to sleep and left before the condom hit the trash can. No surprise it ended once he moved out, and ever since then, it’d been random hookups and one-night stands whenever Tommy and him went out for a night.

Joel sighed and stared up at the moon-stain ceiling of his bedroom, careful not to make any sudden movements in hopes to fight down his erection. While still and quiet might’ve worked to spook a black bear, his boner was sadly proving more resilient.

With every passing minute, the warm tingly feeling in his belly spread like weeds through his body. His fingertips down to his toes. Fully hard, now. It became clear ignoring it was useless. He would just have to get this over with, so he could get some sleep tonight.

Joel forcibly kicked off his blankets, then shoved down his boxers. His cock thwacked against his stomach and the tip was already shiny. He preferred to do this in the shower to avoid a mess, the steady stream of water helping to cover up his dry, cracked hands better than saliva. But something was better than nothing. He spit into his hand until his mouth was dry, then wrapped it around his cock.

Whether in the shower or in his bed, it didn’t matter, Joel always jerked off like it was a chore. Hard and fast strokes where he could barely catch his breath. No need for soft and sensual, just a tight fist to take the edge off. This way, he found it easier to keep his less than friendly thoughts of Teddy at bay.

He tried his best not to think about Teddy while doing this because friends don’t imagine their friends while fucking their fist. And that was all she was, all she would ever be – a friend. If he could he wouldn’t have thought of anyone at all, but he needed someone to imagine to get off.

Instead of Teddy, he pictured a cover model from a 90’s Penthouse Magazine that he’d found in the guest room after Tommy moved out. A pretty brunette with big natural tits, who he didn’t have to work with tomorrow.

His room steadily filled with the wet slap of his hand, the low thrum of the oscillating fan as he pretended the nameless woman was riding him. He was brutally fucking his fist when the woman shape-shifted into Teddy. So abruptly that he could barely register that it was her taking him down to the hilt. Her rolling her hips. Her fingernails scratching over his ribs, his shoulders, his chest with a little smirk even more sinful than her tight jeans.

“Shit,” Joel hissed when he realized, but too late – his hips surged forward as he came. So sudden, so fast, it almost gave him whiplash.

Joel was not usually loud during sex, more of a grunter than anything else, but it had never been so vivid. So real. He could practically feel the wet-heat of her cunt clenching around him. He had to snag his bottom lip between his teeth to keep every needy and desperate sound from bleeding out of his mouth as his cock pulsed and throbbed against his palm. He wouldn’t let himself find out what her name tasted like when he moaned.

Clearly, this was not the first time she’d popped into his mind and he doubted it would be the last. He wouldn’t feel nearly as bad about it either, but there was a fuck-ton of cum on his stomach. Even a little on his chest. Fuck – he came so hard it made him lightheaded.

He let the shame simmer down and once he caught his breath, he carefully dug out a travel-pack of Kleenex from his nightstand. He didn’t even wanna count how many tissues it took to wipe the syrupy-hot evidence from his skin.

He’d be sticking to the shower from now until forever.

—

The days had come and went and over a week later, Joel had not jacked off again. Not in the shower, and definitely not in his bed. But that had nothing to do with Teddy. Seriously. It was just a coincidence.

Work had picked up. The heat wave had died out, giving way to more 80 degree days. Fall was fast approaching, by far their busiest season. There was a brand new neighborhood of bland cookie-cutter slab houses that had him working doubles everyday and judging by today, this week would be the exact same way.

The streets were dark and mainly deserted by the time Joel dropped Tommy off at his apartment complex. Joel glanced at his phone – once again – for any missed calls before heading home. Still nothing. No new voicemails – 0 messages.

The first and last time he heard from Sarah was after Teddy picked her up from school, right before heading into the mall. He’d told Sarah to call him once Teddy dropped her off, but she must’ve forgot. The same way she always forgot to lock the front door. He would be home in less than 5 minutes or else he would’ve called. But he would rather give her a talking-to in person.

For a second, he wondered if she and Teddy were still at the mall, but it was late. Nearly 9.

No one could spend 5 hours there. Hell, he could barely spend more than 2 without going stir-crazy.

The last thing he expected when pulling onto his street was to see Teddy’s car parked in front of his house. The pearly white shell was perfectly lit up underneath a street light.

What was she doing here?

He thought she would drop Sarah off and dip after their shopping trip, but obviously not. Dear God, he hoped she wasn’t waiting on him. Joel whipped into his driveway and hopped out without bothering to grab his tool box in the back.

Inside, the living room was lit up with every lamp turned on, but otherwise empty. It was still tidy from the cleaning he did on Sunday, thankfully. He threw his keys on the console table, shutting the front door with his foot. He heard movement upstairs and headed that way.

“Sarah,” he called out, mainly to give a heads-up and not scare them. “I’m home.”

“Finally,” Sarah said as he stepped into her room. It smelled like that Body Works store at Barton Creek that Sarah loved, but always had him leaving with a headache.

He stayed close to the fresh air and leaned against the door frame. Sarah was perched at her vanity, the counter in front of her completely buried under make-up, nail polish, and a bunch of other crap.

“Teddy’s helping me decide what to wear with my dress.” Sarah swiveled around in her stool to face him.

“Yeah, I see that.” Joel looked over at Teddy, who was standing behind Sarah with an earring pinched in each hand. The smile on her face was genuine. If she was in any real hurry to leave she didn’t show it. “When did y’all get back?”

“I don’t know. 8:15? 8:20? Somewhere around there.” Sarah shared a shrug with Teddy. A little over thirty minutes, not bad. With the mess, he would’ve thought closer to an hour.

“Dinner took a bit longer than I thought it would,” Teddy explained and his brows furrowed.

“Busy night at the food court or something?”

He noticed Sarah and Teddy share a secretive glance, and of course, they didn’t eat at the food court. He should’ve known better than to think Teddy would just take her to Sbarro. But out of every chain restaurant – did she have to pick the damn Cheesecake Factory?

Sarah was raving over the Mac & Cheese balls that definitely cost more than the 10 dollars he sent for baked ziti. Judging by the amount of shopping bags in the corner, Sarah had used her extra spending money on clothes instead of Chicken Costoletta.

He waited until Sarah turned her back to nail Teddy with a knowing look. She swatted it away like a bothersome fly. She could be so damn stubborn sometimes.

Later, he would deal with it. Money was not a topic he liked to discuss in front of Sarah. Besides, there were more important things at the moment.

“So, are you gonna show me this dress of yours?”

Sarah eagerly nodded and bounced over to her bed, picking up the black garment bag. It didn’t even allow him a peek at the color, not even when she hugged it tightly to her chest.

“Well, come on - don’t leave me hanging. I’ve been waiting all night.”

“Dad, you gotta see it on me or else you won’t get the full-effect,” she sassed, a duh implied in her tone. “Go downstairs, you and Teddy can wait-”

“Now, hold on there Sarah. It’s - it’s getting pretty late,” he pointed out, and Sarah’s fraying smile told him that she knew what he was trying to say. He hated disappointing her, but this was the right thing to do. “So Teddy, if you need to go home, don’t feel like you gotta stay.”

Selfishly, Joel wanted her to stay, but why would she? She had already seen the dress, already given up her entire evening for Sarah. This was a free out, and he expected her to take it.

Instead, She crossed her arms over her chest like a defiant child. “No way you’re getting rid of me that easily, Joel,” she said. “I’m sticking around to see your reaction.”

Without giving him a chance to respond, she slid past him, her chest brushing against his arm. She motioned him to follow and he did without question.

She led the way downstairs as if she’d been here before. But the few times she’d come by before to drop off paperwork she never made it past the front porch.

His pulse slightly hiked up seeing her in his living room for the first time. Her gaze scanning the camel-colored walls, the pictures of Sarah throughout the years, his guitar that he rarely found time to play. Above the DVD and CD rack was the only real piece of art in the room – if that’s what people would call the painting of waves he’d found at a garage sale, the same one where he got the mismatched pillows on the couch.

Interior design wasn’t his strong suit, but he was still proud of his home. Proud of himself for buying it on his own, for being able to prove this kind of place for his kid. All of this, from the rug to every decoration and lamp. It was best attempts to make this space feel homey – lived in for Sarah’s sake. She would not be the only kid in class growing up in a bachelor pad.

“So, this is Joel Miller’s house?” Teddy spun around to face him and he found that she looked really good next to his coffee table. “It’s nice. I like it.”

“Yeah?” Joel rubbed the back of his neck, toeing the tile-carpet line that separated the kitchen from the living room.

“Especially the Cowboys decor.” She pointed her thumb at the framed blue star logo that was hung up by the stairs. “Did you know I used to wanna be a cheerleader for them?”

Joel’s mouth went drier than when eating pretzels. He rapidly shook his head, mainly to erase the mental image of her in that skimpy little outfit. It would probably haunt him in his dreams for the rest of his life.

He cleared his throat and took a seat on the couch. “I’m surprised Sarah didn’t give you a tour.”

“Oh, she did.” Teddy plopped down on the couch with him, keeping a friendly distance of a cushion. “But don’t worry, the grand tour didn’t include your bedroom. She said that was off limits.” She puckered her bottom lip, pouting as if actually disappointed.

“Trust me, you’re not missing much.”

“But isn’t that where the magic happens?”

Joel accidentally let out a snort. Magic. Nothing close to magic had ever happened in that room, unless what he did last week counted. “I think you’ve been watching too much Cribs.”

Her lips parted, her eyes lit up with a wild look of amusement. “Does Joel Miller secretly watch MTV?”

“Only against my will.” He jerked his chin towards the stairs. “She loves all that shit.”

“Yeah. She did talk a lot about True Life while at din…ner.” Teddy clipped her lips together, catching her slip.

“Trust me, I didn’t forget.” His tone carried a smug edge, making her huff in annoyance. “So, how ‘bout you tell me how much I owe you for it?”

“You don’t owe me anything.”

“Teddy,” he warned. Still, she insistently shook her head, refusing to make things easy for him.

“Sorry, but I can’t let you pay me back,” she said. “It wouldn’t be right.”

“Really? How come?”

She straightened her posture, the brown leather groaning underneath her. “Well, for one - it was my decision to take her there, wasn’t it?”

“So?”

“So, it doesn’t make sense for you to have to pay for something I decided, now does it?”

Joel licked his teeth at her loop-hole logic. She was eyeing him with a very serious expression, as if this wasn’t over 30? 35 bucks? Hell, there was probably enough in his wallet right now to cover it.

If this were anyone else, Joel would’ve already said fuck this and drained his wallet of every nickel and dime, just to be safe. He wouldn’t accept no for an answer because he didn’t need anyone’s help or handout. He made enough money to support not only himself, but his daughter perfectly fine. Thank you.

But this wasn’t just anyone – this was Teddy. Whether it was because she did his payroll or because she was so bullheaded, he didn’t know, but she had a funny way of making him fold.

“Secondly.” She lifted a second finger before he could raise the white flag. “It wouldn’t be right for you to pay me back for your own gift.”

Huh? “Gift?”

She hummed in response. “There might be a little early birthday present waiting for you in the fridge.”

He couldn’t remember the last time someone, other than Sarah, got him a birthday present. Most of the time, not even Tommy did; his presence was the present or whatever bullshit he said. But she’d thought of him. Him. The idea made his chest begin to swell like metal on a blazing summer day. He ducked his head to hide the heat rising in his cheeks.

“You didn’t need to get me any-”

Teddy grasped his arm, instantly turning the rest of his sentence into sawdust. His gaze flickered from her hand on his forearm, to her eyes. She really was beautiful, especially in the warm pool of lamp light in his living room.

“I wanted to,” she assured him with a voice as soft as her touch. Her thumb gently skimmed over his arm hair and he held back a shiver with the clench of his teeth. “It’s just Classic Vanilla Bean Cheesecake. A little boring, but Sarah said that’s your favorite.”

“It is.” His voice cracked like a pre-teen and embaressed, he averted his eyes. How ridiculous. He needed to get a grip. Pull himself together. He was acting like a fucking virgin. Joel swallowed and stiffly nodded. “Thank you.”

She gave his arm a small squeeze before pulling away. The spot where she touched him still tingled, still burned.

“It’s the least I could do, since I’ll be missing it.”

Joel brushed her off with an easy wave of his hand. Other than work, he didn’t have any plans, so she really wasn’t missing anything. “I think you’ll have more fun in Phoenix, anyway.”

“Just don’t let Tommy set the place on fire while I’m gone.”

“Do you have that little faith in me?” he asked – teased. It was only a few days. Leaving Thursday, back in the office by the following.

She lightly nudged his arm, just as a door opened.

“Are you ready?” Sarah called out, and his focus shifted to the bottom of the stairs.

“I was born ready, kiddo. So, come on, let’s see it.” Joel drummed his hands excitedly against his thighs.

Waiting there reminded him of the fashion shows she used to put on for him. She’d wait at the top of the stairs until he popped in the Whitney Houston CD. For the big finale, they would dance around the living room to I Wanna Dance With Somebody.

But Sarah didn’t appear in a bright-pink princess costume, but instead a pretty little purple dress. Her heels were real, not made out of cheap plastic or from the Dollar Tree. His little girl looked so grown up. The realization that she was grown up made the back of his eyes burn.

Joel scrubbed a hand down his slack, scruffy jaw, watching Sarah twist from side-to-side. The shiny material swished around her knees.

“Baby girl, you look - beautiful,” he said without trying to hide the crackle in his voice. “The prettiest girl I’ve ever seen.”

Sarah giggled, almost bashfully. “That’s exactly what Teddy said.”

“Well, that’s because it’s the truth,” Teddy stated earnestly. Sarah’s entire face lit up and God – she had such a killer smile. He would never get tired of seeing it.

When Sarah pulled back her hair to show Teddy two different pairs of earrings, she immediately went over to get a closer look.

Discussing jewelry and lip gloss, Sarah’s shiny wide eyes clung to her every word as if it was wrapped in gold, as if it held some infinite wisdom. It suddenly hit him that he’d never seen Sarah look at anyone like that. Not her favorite teacher. Not her best friend’s mom. Not even Mrs. Adler who lived next door and used to babysit her after school.

Poor Mrs. Adler, she meant well but Sarah and her could not have been more different. Thinking about it, Teddy was the first woman that Sarah shared anything in common with, who she didn’t have to share with the rest of the class or came second to a friend.

For once, Sarah had some special bond for herself.

His breath caught in his throat watching Teddy fuss with Sarah’s dress. Her eyes barely leaving Sarah’s bright face as she untwisted a strap and smoothed out a few spots in the back. For a second, he imagined her here with them every night – thought about how seamlessly she would fit into their lives.

Holy shit - what the fuck is he doing? Stop it.

Joel forced himself to look away, pruning those thoughts before they grew. The light, liquid warmth in his chest ran cold. It turned into mercury when it settled in his belly.

Luckily, Sarah and Teddy were too preoccupied with finishing details to notice him obsessively picking at his fingernails. He didn’t know what got a hold of him.

This was insane. She was his friend, his business partner, and whatever she was to Sarah that was more important than a stupid crush. No – he would not complicate a good thing with his feelings. Feelings she didn’t reciprocate. For God sake, she was dating someone else. Get over it.

Joel thought it might be a good thing that Teddy would be gone for a few days. More than ever, he needed some distance. Some time to help screw his head back on straight.

—

Too early on Tuesday morning, Joel sleepily fought the coffee machine until dark liquid gurgled and spewed into the pot.

“Have you heard from Teddy at all?” Tommy asked as Joel filled up a to-go cup.

“Oh yeah, hear from her every night before going to sleep.”

“Really?”

Joel shoved the coffee pot back inside its home, and blinked at Tommy. “Of course not. She’s on vacation. Why would she call me?”

He figured she’d brought whoever she was dating on the trip with her. They were probably going to her cousin’s wedding, meeting her college roommates new baby while he was here - in Texas. Alone. When he thought about it like that, it put everything into some much needed perspective.

Joel didn’t give Tommy a chance to respond before barging out and heading to the garage. He still was not used to seeing her empty desk instead of her warm smile, telling him to have a good day.

“So, do you miss her, yet?” Tommy asked while loading up the truck.

“She’s only been gone a few days,” Joel snorted, as if it was a ridiculous question to ask. “Why? Do you miss her?”

“Miss her coffee, that’s for damn sure.” He grimaced at the cup before taking a tentative sip. “Shit sucks. You add too much water.”

“I’d like to see you do any better.” Joel obnoxiously slurped on his drink, then winced. It did kinda taste like dirt. “She does make it better,” he conceded. “It’ll be nice to have her back.”

The distance had been a good thing for him, though. It was much easier for him to think without her dizzying perfume. What happened in his living room had been just a moment of weakness, of panic. Blown completely out of proportion.

The thing was – he’d always had a crush on her. It was nothing new, and he was perfectly happy with just this. With never being anything more than friends – her in his life, that was enough for him.

It had to be.

“Well, speaking of Thursday.” Tommy spoke in a tone that almost always meant he wanted something. “I’ve been meaning to tell you, I gotta leave work early that day.”

“Why? Got an appointment or something?”

Tommy shook his head, then spewed a sob story that lasted nearly the entire drive to the site. His buddy Aaron had just broken up with his cheating girlfriend, and needed help moving out of their apartment. Too bad it wasn’t a different one of Tommy's military buddies or Joel would’ve immediately said no, but Aaron actually wasn’t a douchebag.

“Well, what time would you leave? Cause we gotta finish that block by Friday-”

“She works the night shift, so not until like 3 or 4,” he said, swaying him further. “And Aaron said he’ll pick me up from the site, so you ain’t gotta do anything.”

Joel shrugged, whatever. Fine. They would just have to work late tonight and tomorrow.

—-

So far, Thursday had not gone at all like Joel had anticipated. His reunion with Teddy this morning was disappointingly quick. It wasn’t like he expected her to run into his arms and hug him or anything dramatic like that, but he did think it would be more than just a few minutes of small talk where Tommy dominated most of the conversation with his plans for later.

Which turned out to be total bullshit by the way. 3 to 4 ended up being more like 1:30, ruining his chance to see Teddy this evening. The inspectors would be here tomorrow morning, so the frame had to be finished tonight with or without an extra set of hands.

Now, at 6:30, Joel was just leaving the site. He picked up Wendy’s to make up for his crummy day, only for the burger to be loaded with pickles and onions when he specifically asked for ketchup only. He still scarfed it down, along with a medium dry on the drive back to shop where the only thing that would be waiting for him was an empty office and a fat-ass stack of paperwork. Some supply sheets that could hopefully be knocked out before Sarah needed to be picked up later.

He pulled in through the back entrance and was taking his sweet time unloading the truck. Lowly humming Wedding Bells by the great Hank Williams when the door opened with a screech. The sound echoed around the steel walls of the garage and he jerked, nearly dropping a nail gun on his foot. Somehow, he managed to catch it just before it slid off the rack.

He turned around and - “Teddy?”

“I was wondering what was taking you so long,” she said in a sweet drawl that made his pulse race for an entirely different reason.

He stared at her dumbly, blinking rapidly to make sure this was not just his imagination. She was still here. He wet his throat with a hard swallow. “You surprised me.”

“I can tell.” She giggled and embarrassment swarmed his neck like fire ants. He couldn’t believe she just witnessed him flail around like an idiot. He promptly went back to gathering up the last of the wooden boards and stacking them in the corner. “Did you not see my car out front?”

“I came in off 77th,” he explained, brushing the dust from his hands onto his jeans.

“I could’ve helped.” She leaned against the door, opening it wider as he walked over.

“Nah, I got it,” he said with a casual shake of his head. “Wouldn’t want you to ruin that shirt, anyway.” His eyes dipped over the satiny material, this time a deep maroon.

“It is a great shirt.” She playfully bumped into his side with her shoulder when he stepped inside. The delicious scent of her soap sent an electric jolt up his spine. He matched her steps down the hallway. “What’re you still doing here anyway?”

“Well, there’s the Fox Ridge pitch tomorrow and there’s two more next week. And I have been gone for like a week.” She tucked herself back behind her desk. “Remember?”

Oh yeah, he remembered.

For a few minutes, they caught up on work and talked about homecoming, which was Saturday, and Sarah, who was currently at her friend’s house making posters or whatever for the big game tomorrow. He asked if she enjoyed her trip, which she obviously did from the glow around her. He almost asked about the wedding until he noticed all the files on her desk, the neat stacks of paper labeled with post-it notes that clearly showed she was busy.

He decided not to be selfish and take up anymore of her time and instead went into his office.

“Let me know if you need anything,” she told him before he closed the door. He left it slightly cracked in a way that seemed inviting before taking a seat at his desk. He would’ve just left it wide open if he thought it would be possible to focus. But even the back of her head could be enough to distract him.

Just like the rest of the shop, his office had been recorated by Teddy when Danny retired. He’d actually offered her the office, multiple times, but she refused. She preferred the natural light in the front, and he couldn’t blame her when the one window in here was puny and overlooked the trash cans.

Without her, Joel would’ve left the walls as blank and as white as Danny, the bookshelves just as bare and dusty, and there wouldn’t be a single lamp, let alone two. But he definitely appreciated the lamps this late in the day when the overhead light would burn too loud and bright.

Supposedly, she’d gotten them for free from a friend that was moving. He’d believed the story, at first, until one day she showed up with a giant picture of Yellowstone River, two more of different landscapes. A Golden forest. A mountain range. She’d just stumbled upon them at a Goodwill for the same price as a pizza. And then she’d filled the bookcases that framed his desk with architectural books that would likely never be read and tiny fake plants, which he couldn’t kill. Those she’d claimed were found at a garage sale for the magical price of a gift card to her favorite nearby lunch spot.

She would’ve decorated the office for her dad if he would’ve let her. Danny didn’t care though if she found the space so depressing when it came down to money. But Joel could not find it in him to tell her no when she looked so damn pleased with herself afterwards. She’d done such a nice job that he wished he could use the office more. One day he probably would when Sarah moved out. He had a love-hate relationship with being home alone. The quiet could be peaceful, then other times forlorn.

After finishing up two supply lists for upcoming projects, Joel went to start on a third when his door jarred open with a soft knock. Teddy was hovering around the threshold with a file in one hand.

“Are you busy?”

Joel shook his head, shoving the folder aside then signaling her to come in. She stepped inside, nudging the door shut with her hip. It didn’t latch. No one else was here, otherwise he would’ve pointed it out. But he didn’t know why she shut it in the first place, honestly.

“Sorry to bother you-”

“You’re not bothering me,” he interrupted. “What can I do for you?”

“It’s the Fox Ridge pitch.” She sauntered over to his desk, hips swaying and squeezed into a pair of black jeans. Her shirt was gaping open in the front from the top two buttons being left undone and wasn’t it just one earlier? It was always one, right?

He realized it would’ve been easy to catch a peek of her bra when she bent over to hand him the file, but like a good person – like a good friend – he looked away. His gaze remained firmly fused to her face until she sat down in the chair across from him.

She wanted his thoughts on the pitch, and he agreed to take a look. Based on the first page it looked perfect, and even if it wasn’t, he wouldn’t be much help. After all, she was the brains of the operation where he was just the muscle.

“So, how was the wedding?” Joel flipped onto the next page without looking up. “Your cousin’s right?”

“Good memory.” She hummed, sounding pleasantly surprised. Her nails clicked along the steel arm of the chair. “But yeah, the wedding was… it was nice.”

“Was it?” Joel glanced up at her with a suspiciously quirked brow. “Cause, you ain’t gotta lie to me. I won’t tell.”

She clicked her tongue as if her reluctant tone wasn’t what led him to such a conclusion.

“I’m not lying, it was really nice. A lot of family that I haven’t seen in a while was there. And my cousin has amazing taste, so the wedding was gorgeous. It was small and intimate, but.” She let out a big breath. “It’s just everyone except my dad and I had dates.”

“Did you not bring your-” Too late, the words had poured out before he could think twice and he cursed his stupid, overly curious mind. He had no idea what to say to cover up his lapse, so he just didn’t. It just hung in the air and he turned to the next page without reading the last.

“Bring my what, Joel?” Her voice made it sound more like a challenge than a question. He peered up at her and she looked him directly in the eyes. It was as if she knew what he was going to say. It was as if she wanted him to ask.

Joel screwed the blue pen into his grip. “I thought - I thought you had a boyfriend.”

At that, she reclined back in the chair. She crossed her legs and tilted her head as if to study him. “What made you think I have a boyfriend?” she asked with such wild amusement that it confused him.

Didn’t she? Tommy had seen the card, the flowers as well, so it wasn’t something he just made up in his head. She was or used to be dating someone. Oh – maybe it wasn’t a boyfriend, but a girlfriend. Not that he was about to ask. God no. He’d butted into her personal life enough for one night.

“Well, you know.” Joel scratched the back of his head, then pointed in the direction of the break room. “There were those flowers, remember?”

Her eyes widened – her lips parted. “Yeah, I remember. I just, I guess I didn’t think you would.”

“Well, it ain’t everyday someone gets a garden delivered here.” He meant it as a joke, but it came off rather jealous. He tacked on a chuckle for good measure. She snorted, so it must’ve worked.

“Okay fair. I was dating someone, but that’s over. Been over. We broke up like 4 months ago? So, not long after that, actually.”

Joel grimaced. He could barely focus on her being single when he felt like shit. No one wanted to be reminded of their ex. “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be.” She brushed off like it was no big deal.

Still, he remained silent as the grave because what the hell was he supposed to say now?

“I was the one who ended things, just in case that makes you feel better.” Of course she was. No one in their right mind would break up with someone as amazing as her. “But since we’re on the topic and all - what about you, Joel?”

“What about me?” Joel finally met her eyes and her lips twisted into a mischievous smirk that made his stomach swoop.

“Do you have anyone special in your life?”

Joel stiffly shook his head. “Can’t say I do.”

“Anyone not special?” she nudged him, suggestively wiggling her brows.

Again – a shake of his head. “I don’t really date.”

“What a shame.” Her voice was almost husky, breathy. She leaned forward slightly. “I’m sure all the single mom’s at Sarah’s school are devastated.”

Joel batted his hand in the air with an ugly snort.

“What? I’m serious,” she said without twitching. Her eyes momentarily flickered towards his lips, and suddenly, his throat felt like the mostly burnt bagel he had for breakfast. “I bet you have all of them wrapped around your finger.”

“You’re just - you’re just saying that.”

“Am I?” Her voice was silky, even silkier than her shirt. There was a cool confidence radiating from her as her fingernails galloped in a slow rhythm along the arm rest.

She was staring at him, pinning him against his seat. The hair on his thighs lifted and tickled the denim. The energy in the room had shifted, the air between them had bent and blurred into something that Joel could not quite describe. But he could feel it, sense it when it surged and rippled between them and sent an electric shiver up his spine.

She licked her lips and rolled them together until they were shiny with her spit. His heart pounded against his chest like an animal trapped and he wanted to pounce over the desk and taste her spit. He nearly did until he felt a stirring in his jeans.

What the hell was going on? What was he thinking? He needed to get his head screwed back on straight before he did something incredibly stupid.

Joel shot from his chair like a firework. Abrupt and loud and white-hot. He turned away and towards the filing cabinets on the back wall. He didn’t have a plan, but there had to be something in there that he could pretend to need.

She was quicker than his flustered brain and rose to her feet before he could make it past the edge of his desk.

“Joel.”

It stopped him, his feet stuck to the floor like wet cement. She approached him like a frightened deer. Steady. So quiet. Her steps barely scratched against the cheap carpet.

Joel realized now, right now was the time to speak. To say something. Anything. Find an excuse. Stop standing here like a dumb-struck baboon. But there was only one word that managed to leave his lips, a breath -

“Teddy.”

“It’s okay,” she whispered into the shrinking space between them. “I know.”

I know? He had no clue what that was supposed to mean, but before he could ask – she cradled the back of his neck and pressed her lips against his. Joel’s eyes widened and all he could see was the soft planes of her face, her fluttering eyelids, the fan of her raven-stroke lashes.

She was kissing him. Holy shit. She was actually kissing him. When he finally registered that, he closed his eyes and was overcome by the taste of her spit and a hint of Burt’s Bees chapstick, which he found oddly arousing.

For a moment, he was too damn stunned to do anything but move his mouth along hers. Then, he realized his arms were hanging like spaghetti noodles at his side and reached out and clutched onto her waist. His thumbs delicately swirled the fabric of her shirt. So damn smooth, just as he expected.

Joel gulped when she drew back, just far enough to meet his eyes. He had no idea what the fuck this was – let along if it was anything at all. Perhaps, this was it. Just a stolen kiss, late one night in his office.

Joel braced himself for her to yank away, to tell him it was a mistake, that she didn’t know what she was thinking. Let’s forget the whole thing.

But she didn’t.

She just continued to toy with the curly ends of his hair, twirling them around her fingers as her other hand fisted the loose collar of his shirt. He was wedged between her warm-heaving body and his desk. The edge was slightly burrowing into his lower back, but currently he couldn’t care less.

Her gaze dipped to where his jeans were painfully tented. A hot burst of shame ignited behind his earlobes. The flex of his fingers bit into the hollow below her ribs.

“It’s - it’s been a while,” he found himself explaining because there was no good reason, at his age, to be this turned on from just kissing.

“Do you want me to stop?” She slid up against him, sealing herself against his chest. It appeared she knew the answer before he could dumbly shake his head.

This time – his lips met hers somewhere in the middle. Where the first kiss was gentle, testing the waters like the first sip of fresh coffee, this one was deeper. More intense – a whole gulp. Her urgent lips captured his starstruck mouth and right then he knew nothing, no one, would ever compare to this. Not even close.

The way she kissed was like some special art form that only she could master. It felt so damn good to have her fingers molding through his hair with baby scratches over his scalp and the scent of her soap flooding his chest with heat. It consumed him, his body, his mind. The rapid pulse in his ears muted his every coherent thought.

When she gently nibbled on his bottom lip, he moaned – Teddy. She licked her name from his lips, then eagerly tasted it on his tongue as if she couldn’t get enough.

And oh God – her tongue was equally as impressive as her other skills. The tip of it dragged over his top palate, making it tingle like a buzz off tequila. She stroked and swirled and twisted around his tongue as if knotting a cherry stem. No one had ever taken the time to explore him so thoroughly. Frankly, he didn’t know there was that much of his mouth to explore.

Despite her exploration, Joel’s hands were burning into her waist, still holding her at 10 and 2 like a student driver. Like this was a chaperoned middle school dance. Slowly he roamed them down to grip her hips, but no further. He didn’t want to push it. He didn’t want to scare her. He didn’t want to spoil this moment from something stupid like getting too greedy.

Joel was fully okay with her in the driver seat. Even though he was usually in charge, he was happily letting her lead. Well, actually, he didn’t know if he was really letting her or if she just was. He didn’t care either way when she was touching him.

She broke the kiss and her lips swerved to his cheek. His jaw, paying extra attention to the patch in his beard where no hair could grow. His head tipped back when she buried her nose into the crook of his neck and deeply inhaled. After a hard-days work he likely smelled of sweat instead of his soap, but she groaned anyway.

“Have you ever thought about this before?” She breathed against his neck.

“I mean, I-” He choked on his words as her tongue slicked over the thick vein beneath his jaw. “I - I tried not to.”

“But you did.” He could feel her lips split into a grin before she sucked on a spot below his ear. He hoped it would leave a mark. The idea of seeing it tomorrow in the mirror made his cock twitch and throb and it ached.

“Uh-huh,” he whimpered, rather pathetically. It actually sounded like it fucking hurt.

“You know what?” She playfully nipped at the spot that would soon sadly fade. She then met his gaze with a coy grin. I thought about you too.”

“You did?” he croaked.

She hummed in response, her fingers trailing down his chest. His stomach quivered, his breath catching before she stopped just above the band of his jeans and whispered, “But unlike you - I didn’t try to stop.”

Joel growled, unable to form a coherent thought. His brain was too preoccupied trying to process how any of this was happening. It had to be a dream or an optical illusion or some shit. No way it could be real. But her small hand cupped his cock and that certainly felt real.

“Fuck - you feel even bigger than I imagined.” She palmed at his bulge with a light pressure. His knees nearly buckled despite the thick, denim barrier.

Now, he was really wishing he jerked off last night – or anytime in the past week or so. God – he was pent up. It wouldn’t take much for him to break.

“Can I see it?”

Joel’s mouth went half-slack and she blinked at him without flinching.

“Yeah,” he managed to squeak out. Not great, but at least coherent.

She sank to her knees, her eyes never leaving his. Pretty. Pretty. So damn pretty. Those two undone buttons exposed the tops of her breasts, the peek of a plain white bra that he found sexier than he should’ve.

His restless hands found solid ground on the desk behind him. Just in time as she balled the hem of his shirt in her tiny fists and bunched it towards his waist. The office air blew cool over his newly bare skin.

Joel wondered how he compared to the type of guy she usually dated. Did she like meatheads with six packs? Or guys with scrawny arms? Or did she like them somewhere in the middle; someone more like him? His body used to be more solid in his 20’s, but softened with age. He was still strong though, still firm in most spots aside from his stomach.

He caught himself sucking in as her wild eyes wandered over his husk-tan skin and across the dark scatter of hair around his navel. Then, she devoured it, mapping every inch with her wet, hot mouth.

It was a miracle that he managed to stay upright under her attention. Any attention was new. He was not used to any teasing or foreplay or whatever delicious torture this was called.

No.

Joel was used to his own calloused hands. Quick, rough fucks with women who called him Joe or Jack or something else entirely because why did it matter if it meant nothing.

But did this mean anything? To him, yes. To her – he had no clue. Dear God – he hoped so, though.

With a smirk she unzipped his jeans and shoved them down by his knees. The wet spot on his boxers was impossible to miss. Of course, he’d worn light gray today instead of something discreet like black.

“It’s been awhile,” he sheepishly reminded her. He didn’t want her to think he was always this big of a mess. Because he wasn’t. Seriously, he really wasn’t.

“It’s alright, just relax.” She leaned forward and mouthed at the stain.

But it was impossible to relax when her nose nudged the underside of his cock, her mouth was so close to the tip that every muscle in his body tightened. He gritted his teeth, his nostrils flaring with the remnants of his dwindling self-control.

She must’ve realized she was ruining him because she pulled back with a wicked grin. She hooked her fingers into the elastic waistband and tugged. His freed cock nearly smacked her in the face. The flush red tip was weeping.

“Shit, you’re thick,” she gasped. Women had told him that before, but he much preferred hearing it from her. The sweet honesty in her voice, the clear surprise. It stroked his ego and filled him with a strange sense of pride as if he’d actually accomplished anything profound, and not just good genetics.

She licked and spit into her palm before stroking his cock with a loose fist from root to tip. Her thumb swiped over the blunt head, smearing his pre-come and making his hips jerk and involuntary spasm.

Joel opened his mouth to apologize, but was quickly silenced by her tongue: warm, wet, the slightly rough texture tracing over the thick vein that ran down his length.

He gripped the desk until his knuckles bleached. She placed her free hand on his hip as if to help steady him before guiding him between her perfect, plush lips. Just the tip, at first. But it still was nearly enough to finish him. He didn’t remember the last time someone put their mouth on him.

Joel desperately wished to witness this moment. He wanted to memorize the glossy gleam in her eyes, the way she looked in front of him and on her knees and how her mouth stretched perfectly around his cock. But it was too much. The weight between his thighs was becoming oppressive. If he watched, he’d shatter. And he’d be horrified if he finished that fast.

So, he focused on the ceiling tiles instead. On the black specks that formed different shapes as she took another inch of him into her feverish mouth.

Already, she had him panting like a dog. Unable to fully catch his breath even when she released his cock with a loud pop. She continued to pleasure him with long strokes of her fist. Her tongue dipped into his leaking slit, lighting up nerve endings that he didn’t know existed. It ripped an ungodly sound from his mouth.

“Oh, you liked that?” she asked, very smug. Then repeated the movement once, twice, before eagerly swallowing his cock again.

“Fuck, fuck, fuck.” His hand flew to her shoulder and squeezed as she took him deeper – deeper. Holy shit. Where did she learn to do this? This was like pornstar level good.

She had taken him halfway down her throat when he felt a shock run across his spine, a familiar tugging in his balls. His release was building and brewing in his lower belly like a thunderstorm.

But Joel clenched his teeth. No – he could not come. Not yet. He needed to get himself under control before he finished in less than five minutes.

He shut his eyes, but not even the rumble of his eardrums could drown out the loud, lewd squelch of her mouth. It was fucking filthy. The swirl of her expert tongue around his shaft had him unraveling fast like a loose spool of thread.

“Teddy,” he moaned her name as he got close – too damn close.

He tried to tell her to slow down, but the words stuck in his throat. Nothing came out except grunts. Just short groans. Her lips kissed the cusp of her fist, completely engulfing him in her honey-slobber and the softness of her hand.

His hips instinctively bucked, the head of his cock bumping the back of her throat and she gagged. The walls of her inner mouth shuddered and pulsed around him and –

“Shit.” His eyes flew open but before he could warn her – she hollowed her cheeks and sucked.

He groaned her name, low and unrestrained, as the pleasure electrified his spine. It arced down his thighs before he could push her off. For a moment, he lost himself in the high, in the tide of her mouth. His cock twitched and throbbed on her tongue as he came.

Hard.

As if he hadn’t come in months – years.

In a daze, he blinked down at her and saw his cum dripping down her chin, leaking from the corners of her mouth as she continued to twist her fist and suck down the aftershocks. It would’ve been easily the most erotic sight, if it didn’t suddenly hit him how fast he came.

The light-headed euphoria quickly morphed into vertigo. He was horrified, mortified, staring down at her.

He didn’t know what to say, and for once, it seemed like neither did she. She released his cock from her mouth, but otherwise didn’t move. Not even to wipe the come off her face.

She swallowed, and opened her mouth. But a familiar ding tore through the thick, sticky air. The bell above the front door.

“Joel? Teddy?”

No way. It was motherfucking Tommy.

—-

The idiot had forgotten his house keys in Joel’s truck. In the cupholder, nonetheless.

Joel had somehow managed to button his jeans, and hand her a tissue before Tommy busted into his office. She’d pretend to blow her nose to clean the come off her face, riddling him with another level of shame. So embarrassed that he could barely look at her without feeling like he swallowed a handful of nails.

He threw Tommy the car keys to get rid of him, but found out that Aaron had left. Tommy had told him that Joel could just drive him home without even asking. And usually it wouldn’t be a big deal.

But Tommy was so goddamn clueless. He just swung around the door frame, blabbering about how the girlfriend showed up and there was a big blow up in the parking lot and Joel was just waiting for him to notice the smell of sex and sweat or even the cloying embarrassment. Or Teddy’s swollen and suck-plump lips and surely Joel looked like a flushed-beet wreck.

So how did Tommy seem to remain completely oblivious?

When Sarah called a few minutes later, Joel left. Well, first he made sure everything was locked up and she was safely in her car, but otherwise fled like a coward.

The shop had officially disappeared from his rear view mirror and now Joel couldn’t remember if he even told her goodbye. She just gave him the best blow job of his life, and he couldn’t even wave?

“Are you gonna get Sarah or drop me off first?” Tommy asked and Joel snapped at him like a venus fly trap.

“Doesn’t really make sense to go out of my way just to drop you off first, now does it?”

Tommy threw up his hands. “Well, fuck. How am I supposed to know where Sarah’s friend lives?” He hurled himself against the passenger seat and mumbled under his breath, “Asshole.”

Joel winced. He was kinda being an asshole, taking out his anger on Tommy. He wasn’t even mad at Tommy. Annoyed, yes, but not mad. The only person Joel was mad at here was himself.

He was mad at himself for cumming too fast, and even more so for running away afterwards like a scared hound with his soft, spent cock tucked between his legs. Recalling the complete shit show, Joel’s grip coiled around the steering wheel until the leather squealed in protest. He could still feel the ring of her spit drying around him.

Joel sighed and stared out the windshield at the night sky, the truck bouncing along the uneven back road full of potholes. Why did it feel like he just fucked everything up?

“Hey, are you alright?” Tommy’s voice was lower, quiet – concerned.

Joel scratched at his jaw, at the bald patch she’d kissed, before nodding his head.

“Yeah, sorry - I’m just tired.” He’d rather die and be reincarnated into a gnat than tell Tommy about how he just prematurely ejaculated. He’d had enough embarrassment for one night.

“Did I-” Tommy paused and for a moment it seemed like he decided to keep his mouth shut. Until he sighed. “I don’t know, but did I interrupt something between you and Teddy?”

A little too late to start being observant, Tommy.

Joel approached a red light, the truck crawling to a complete stop.

“Come on. What would be going on between us that you could interrupt?” Joel looked over at Tommy and his brows were furrowed. In the pool of orange light from the street lamps that speckled the cab, Joel saw the realization flash across Tommy’s face. The moment everything clicked into place.

Joel abruptly turned away, not in the mood for pity. After what felt like forever, the light finally turned green.

“Joel, I didn’t realize that you-”

“Don’t.” His voice was quiet, stern without being rude. “Just don’t.”

For once, Tommy didn’t demand to have the last word. Instead, he slowly and silently fell back into the seat as if to fade into the shadows. She still had a boyfriend as far as Tommy knew, and Joel would not be informing him otherwise. This way was easier.

The rest of the drive was filled with Willie Nelson’s album Always on My Mind, the rumble of the engine, and the buzzing of Joel’s thoughts.

How was he supposed to face her tomorrow?

—-

On Friday morning, Joel drove to the shop with a terrible pit in his stomach. His eyes felt gritty, and there was a dark shadow of gray underneath from a restless night sleep. He ate a bland piece of toast for breakfast, and even that made him feel sick. When he turned onto the street, he thought it might reappear all over the windshield.

But Teddy was not there. Just a pink post-it note on the full, freshly brewed coffee pot.

Fox Ridge pitch - Wish me luck.

He’d forgotten that it was this early. Joel supposed he’d have to get here on time this evening to see her.

Joel spent the day trying not to go insane. Despite the pounding of his hammer, memories of last night beat against his skull. Anytime he touched his lips, or the spot behind his ear, he could practically feel the ghost of her kisses. They had been desperate, heated. Hadn’t they? It had seemed she’d wanted him, just as much as he’d always wanted her. She’d even admitted to imagining him in some sexual way.

But what about now?

He didn’t have a clue.

Eight hours later, and halfway from a complete tailspin, the truck decided not to start. The engine clicked and clicked and clicked, but never went. Even though he begged for it to start. The concrete guys had tried to jump it with no success. It’d taken everything in him not to sock Tommy in the jaw when he gave him that told-you-so look while calling a tow truck.

The concrete guys were still on their best behavior and gave them a ride to the mechanic shop. It was run by one of Tommy’s highschool friends, Zach, who was nice enough to stick around past 5 on a Friday night.

5:25 and this was a fucking nightmare. He couldn’t imagine a worse day for the truck to die. As if he hadn’t fucked up enough last night when he bolted, the last thing Joel wanted as her thinking that he was avoiding her. The least he could do was extend the same courtesy she had this morning.

So midway through Tommy and Zach examining what was under the hood, he broke away to call her.

Joel slapped his cellphone against the flat of his palm as he headed outside the entrance. With a deep breath he dialed the shop’s number. The ring-ring-ring in his ears made his chest feel like it was about to explode.

“Teddy’s Company, how can I help you?”

“Hey Teddy.” He cleared his throat. “Hey, it’s Joel,” he said, very awkwardly.

“Hey! Hi. What’s up?”

Joel kicked at the loose rocks by his feet. “Well, the truck - uh the truck’s acting up. We had to get a tow, and Tommy and I are - the mechanic’s checking it over right now.”

“Oh shit.”

“Yeah, so I just wanted you to know - I don’t know when we’ll get back to the shop.” Joel lightly hit the center of his head with the circle of his clenched fist. He sounded like an idiot.

“No - yeah. That makes sense.” Silence crackled on the other line and it was unbearable.

Joel scratched his temple, unsure what to say next. He wanted to talk about last night, just to get it over with, but it wasn’t the right time. That was not a conversation to have over the phone. Not like at work was much better, but still.

“Well,” Teddy broke the silence. There was a rustling of something on the other line – papers? Her bag? “Do you need-”

There was a massive boom behind him – Tommy pounded on the glass door and motioned him inside.

“What was that?” she asked and Joel mouthed at Tommy to give him a second.

“Sorry, it’s Tommy. I think the mechanic’s done with the inspection.”

“Okay - well, I was just gonna ask if you guys-”

Tommy banged again – harder. It was Friday, so he probably had a date with his favorite dive bar. Joel glared at him and flipped him off.

“It sounds like you need to go,” she said.

“Sorry.” Joel rubbed the back of his neck and he was gonna kill Tommy. “But uh - have a nice weekend, alright?”

“Yeah, yeah, you too, Joel.”

Once Joel found out the battery just needed to be replaced, Tommy’s pissy mood made a lot more sense. It would be a decently fast and easy fix – at most an hour.

Joel plopped down in a chair in the lobby and mindlessly flipped through a car magazine. He didn’t even register the pictures that swished by, too busy reeling from that awkward phone call.

Had he really told her to have a nice weekend? He wanted to melt into the cracks and scuffs in the black-and-white tiles. Real smooth, Joel. He sucked at this shit.

What was going to happen next?

He couldn’t tell where her head was at from the phone call that somehow didn’t even last as long as him last night. God – she probably thought he had some type of erectile dysfunction and he couldn’t even blame her. There was no excuse for a man at his age to cum that fast from a blow job, nonetheless. He was not a fucking teenager.

The longer he sat there in the empty lobby with the melancholy of Johnny Cash’s voice, the more he began to doubt. It spread and swelled in his lower abdomen like a virus. Syphilis. If it festered for too long, he felt like it might turn him insane.

He didn’t know how he would survive the weekend like this.

—

Saturday was usually his day for relaxing. All his responsibilities could wait until Sunday, but he couldn’t sit still.

Up early, he and Sarah went to the Farmer’s Market and ran errands until lunch time. He deep cleaned the house in the afternoon. The entire main floor was vacuumed and swept, the kitchen counters looked brand new, and even his bed was freshly made with dryer warm sheets. He was determined to keep busy instead of wallowing in his looming conversation with Teddy.

It might’ve worked if Sarah didn’t innocently keep bringing her up. With homecoming tonight, she was apparently in the mood to reminisce, especially after she’d gotten all dolled up.

They were halfway to her friend Ashley’s house and the drive had been filled with Teddy. Their mall trip – the dress – the tiny details Teddy helped pick out.

“I brought my polaroid camera.” Sarah pointed at her overnight bag in the backseat of his truck. “So, you can take a photo of me and show Teddy on Monday.”

“Oh, yeah. She’ll like that.” Joel forced a smile as the hand of his knee flexed, biting into denim.

He couldn’t help but feel a stab of guilt every time Sarah mentioned her. Teddy would never cut Sarah out, he knew that, but things were bound to be different now. It couldn’t go back to what it used to be, not after she’d seen his cock and swallowed his come. The relationship would inevitably change between them.

He just hoped their friendship could be somewhat salvaged. For Sarah’s sake, especially.

Joel was able to push that out of his mind when they arrived at Ashley’s house. The Murphy’s had been nice enough to invite the entire group, including parents, to come over and take photos. He couldn’t imagine fitting 14 teenagers and their moms in his puny backyard where he could barely fit a playset. Luckily, the Murphy’s lived on a big, well-landscaped lot that backed up against a man-made lake, and not directly into a neighbor’s house.

The few other dad’s who showed up were all huddled together under the covered patio with their eyes transfixed on the TV screen. The Longhorns were taking on the Wildcats. Still in the first quarter, so it wasn’t even a good game yet.

Instead of cracking open a beer, Joel joined the mom’s by the rose bushes.

“Oh my God, Joel. Sarah looks beautiful.”

“She’s gorgeous.”

“Stunning.”

They all complimented Joel as if his genes actually put up a fight. Sarah was Lisa’s exact twin. Even more so when her gorgeous thick curls were pulled back into a loose bun with a few loose strands framing her face. The mom’s were right though – Sarah did look beautiful. But then again, she always did; with or without all the glitter and make-up.

Sarah’s date was a scrawny, soccer player with red hair who was her best friend’s boyfriend’s best friend. Eric. Joel could hardly believe his daughter was at an age to even have a date, even if it was just a set up. It made him feel incredibly old when the kid called him sir.

Based on first impressions, Eric seemed nice enough. The kid took a few photos of Joel and Sarah together in front of the Mexican bush sage. The purple flowers were almost an exact match to Sarah’s dress. Joel had hoped that somebody would offer when he’d changed out of his dusty clothes earlier and into a different, slightly nicer white t-shirt and a pair of his best dark wash jeans.

Still, while Joel wouldn’t threaten the kid with a fist or scare the shit out of him with a war story like Tommy would, Joel did give Eric the look – Don’t try anything, bud. When Joel shook his hand, it felt like wet paint.

Good.

Joel thanked the minivan moms for driving, Ashley’s mom for hosting the sleepover afterwards, while snapping enough pictures to fill up two of Sarah’s bulletin boards.

“You look beautiful, baby girl,” he told Sarah one more time before hugging her goodbye.

She promised to be good and handed him the developed Polaroid, specifically for Teddy. He stashed it safely away in the middle console of his truck then drove away.

At home, an empty living room quietly greeted him. Not yet 6 P.M. – the sun continued to shine and slice through the curtains onto the beige carpet. Joel had no idea what to do with the rest of his evening. Football, he supposed. Maybe rent a movie – Ocean’s Eleven or Training Day, something Sarah had no interest in ever seeing.

He whipped up a ham and cheese sandwich and cracked open a beer. Rather than eating alone at the dining room table, he set up on the couch and ate in the company of Longhorn football.

It didn’t take long, not even halfway finished with his sandwich, before a Folgers commercial came on and he thought about Teddy. She never even used Folgers, but just coffee in general made him think of her. At this point, it was actually pathetic how everything reminded him of her.

For a few minutes, Joel debated on calling her and figuring this shit out already. This limbo was killing him. He even pulled out his phone from his back pocket, found her name in his contact list and let it taunt him, his thumb hovering over the call button for longer than he’d like to admit.

But what would he say if she answered?

It had been two days and he still had no clue. He was still trying to figure out how to navigate this whole situation. He wanted to handle it with care but it felt like holding a dandelion puff in his rough calloused hands. Inevitably, it would break and fall apart with something as simple as a gust of wind. Joel carelessly tossed his phone on the coffee table and groaned.

At halftime, he went and cleaned off his empty plate in the sink. Using his hands always helped distract him. Maybe he needed a hobby. He could always play his guitar, finally learn Never Going Back Again. He’d always wanted to try out woodworking since it used to be his dad’s favorite pastime.

Joel was drying off the dish when the doorbell rang.

“Hold on,” he yelled, wiping off his hands with the rag. He didn’t know who that could be, but he’d bet everything in his wallet right now it was Tommy. He knew Sarah would be gone all night, and probably wanted to drag Joel to some bar across town for a wild night out.

Joel was coming around to the idea of spending his night in a smoky, loud bar instead of cooped up in his house when he opened the door. It was definitely not his brother, not even close.

“Teddy.”

She was on his front porch in a pale blue sundress that instantly made his mouth water. The buttery light from the budding sunset sky behind her framed her silhouette.

“Sorry to just stop by.” She smoothed down her dress and tugged at the hem. “But can I come in?”

—-

She didn’t say why she was here when he let her inside, but he supposed she didn’t have to.

It was actually Joel who broke the silence. “Do you want anything to drink?” he asked. His mom would lurch from her grave if he didn’t act like a good host.

“Water,” she said with a small smile. “Tap’s fine.”

It was a good thing she didn’t follow him into the kitchen. His hands were shaking so bad that he nearly dropped the glass on the tile floor.

When he came back into the living room, she was sitting on the couch. He handed her the glass, his fingertips brushing over hers. She politely thanked him before taking a tentative sip. The cushion whined under his weight when he sat. These were the exact same spots from the night she was here with Sarah. This time, however, the empty cushion felt less like a safety net and more like a boulder about to crush him.

He turned off the TV, the newfound silence giving further evidence of what happened the other night.

She clinked the glass onto the coffee table, then clasped her hands stiffly in her lap. On the very edge of her seat, she looked ready to bolt at any moment. “I knew Sarah would be at the dance or, at least dinner.”

“Yeah, dinner. I think the dance starts around 8,” he said and she nodded. He wished he would’ve remembered to bring the Polaroid inside. Maybe it would’ve helped ease the tension.

But no – he needed to quit procrastinating and apologize for how he reacted the other night.

Buck up – do it.

For a moment, Joel searched for what to say, scratching the skin around his neck where it felt thickest.

“Joel,” Teddy said before he could speak. She shifted in her seat and when she opened her mouth, he braced himself for her to call it nothing but a mistake. “I wanted to come by and apologize about the other night.”

His brows furrowed.

“Apologize?”��

“Yes, Joel,” she answered, very sternly. He noticed a pained look in her eyes before she stared down at her stark white tennis shoes.

“What? I - what?” He sounded like a bumbling drunk and for once, he wished the right words would just come naturally to him.

She sighed.

“After our phone call yesterday,” she started, only stopping for a split-second to clasp her gold necklace between her fingers. “I feel like I might’ve pushed things too far the other night. I never wanted to make you feel uncomfortable-”

“Uncomfortable? No. Shit.” Joel insistently shook his head. He would personally damn himself to hell if he sat here any longer and let her take any blame for this. Exhaling, he scruffed a hand over his jaw. “Look, I’ll admit - I panicked, but that ain’t on you.”

“How is it not?”

“Cause you did nothing wrong. Fuck. I’m the one who should be apologizing, alright? I acted like a goddamn idiot, Teddy. It’s just-” Joel let out a self-deprecating laugh, bashfully tucking his chin towards his chest. “I don’t usually, ya know - that fast. Just got embarrassed, that's all.”

He absently rubbed at a patch of distressed leather on the arm of the couch.

“Well, I never wanted to make you feel embarrassed.” She scooted closer – closer. Slowly. For what felt like the first time since the night in his office, Joel properly met her eyes. “All I wanted was to make you feel good, Joel.” Her voice was husky, almost seductive. She smirked and his heart banged inside his chest like a caged feral cat.

“You did make me feel good,” he admitted, rather shyly. “Just wish I could’ve made you feel good, too.”

“Who says you can’t?” Her eyes darted across his face, to his lips, to the rise and fall of his chest. She gripped his shoulders for balance before swinging her legs over him. Her knee lightly bumped into the arm of the couch and his hands instantly went to her hips, helping to steady her on his lap.

Joel stared up at her dumbly for a moment before shaking his head in disbelief. His thumbs toyed with the hem of her dress, bunching it up further until he could brush over the bare flesh of her thighs. Goddamn, she was so soft. So pretty.

“What do you want, Joel?”

Everything. “Whatever you’ll give me.”

“No, Joel. What do you want?”

The last two days – hell, the last two years bulldozed into him. Every feeling and thought he’d suppressed and ignored crashing into him like a wrecking ball. He’d spent so long convincing himself this would never happen, but now – everything he ever wanted and never thought he would have was right here. Right in his lap.

And something inside him suddenly snapped.

“You gotta know by now, Teddy. You gotta know.” The words spilled out of his mouth and he hated how it sounded. It didn’t make any sense. Joel shook his head and ran his hands down her thighs to lightly squeeze at the spot above her knees for stability. “Fuck, I ain’t any good at this shit,” he said, in a rare moment of vulnerability.

She cupped his face so delicately like he was made of porcelain. With a small nudge, he met her gaze.

“This is gonna sound very middle school, but do you like me, Joel?” she asked and he snorted.

It did sound juvenile, but he instinctively tugged her closer and nodded his head.

“Good. Cause I like you and I want you, Joel. Only you,” she said. “So what do you say? Wanna give this a shot?”

“You fucking know I do.” His hand slid behind her neck, his thumb traced over the perfect curve of her hair line. “Now, come here.”

When his lips met hers – it was desperate and sweet like cream soda. His mouth crashed against hers with every bottled up dream and fantasy of her mouth, her lips, her tongue. It surged hot and bright through him.

His hand was a firm weight on the small of her back as he pulled her in as close as humanly possible, until only denim and a dainty sundress could separate him from her.

She clutched onto his shirt collar before gently rocking her hips against his growing bulge. He tensed his thigh, catching on her panties. She whimpered, already so sensitive, and he couldn’t wait to learn all the sounds she made.

He couldn’t fuck her on the couch, though. Not properly, at least. Definitely not like he wanted to or how she deserved. Still, he let himself enjoy this for a few minutes. Dry humping like teenagers in her parent’s basement before breaking the kiss with a soft peck to her top lip.

“Would you wanna go upstairs?” He dragged the back of his hand over her thigh, his knuckles hiking up her dress to reveal a little more skin.

“Oooh. Am I finally gonna see Joel Miller’s room?” She gave the tip of his nose a quick kiss before crawling off of him.

She held his hands the entire way upstairs until he led her into his room. “Told you, you weren’t missing much.”

“I don’t know about that.” She glanced at the navy blue walls, at the painting of a grazing deer in what appeared to be somewhere in Montana. It hung above his golden oak headboard. She pointed at the basic beige comforter, three pillows lined up against the frame. “I’m gonna be honest, though, I didn’t take you for the type to make your bed.”

“I did a little cleaning today.” Joel shrugged as she kicked off her shoes by his laundry basket.

“Well, isn’t that convenient?”

Joel managed to only kiss her twice before getting on the bed. He scooted into the middle, using two pillows to prop and cushion his aging lower back. Again, she eagerly climbed over him. She yanked her dress over her head, leaving her in only a lacy black bra with a pair of matching panties that cut high on her hips. The tiny, pink flower on the waistband was just the cherry on top.

She must’ve noticed the look on his face because she giggled as if she was completely innocent. “Do you like it? I wore it for you.”

“Fuck me,” he murmured. “Look at you, you’re gonna fucking kill me.” His hands roamed from her ribs up to paw at her bra and he squeezed just hard enough to watch them pour out over the top. He growled from deep in his chest before shoving his face in between her breasts. He traced the lacy material with his tongue before kissing along his slick trail. “Can I take it off?”

Smirking, she reached behind her and unclipped it for him. The bra joined her dress on the carpet in seconds. He licked his lips and admired her bare skin – the curves of her body in the coppery-golden glow from the sunset spilling in from the window. When he cupped her breasts, he swore they were made for his hands. His thumbs slid across her sensitive peaks, feather-light, but her breath still hitched – her head tip back and even the column of her neck was gorgeous.

He replaced one of his thumbs with his tongue, flicking the tip of it over her nub again and again. Kitten licks that made her clutch the back of his head. The way her fingers rooted into his hair was almost possessive and she held him flush against her chest as he sucked her nipple into his needy mouth.

Her breathing grew ragged and she tried to find friction. She rutted against him, but his hands captured her hips, holding her still before she could graze his cock. Too much dry humping and he’d be actually come in his pants like a teenager.

“Be patient, sweetheart,” he murmured and she whined. He didn’t allow her another chance to complain before his mouth switched to her other breast and adored it with equal attention. It’d been ages since he took his time like this and he lost himself in the feeling of her soft, scented skin on his face.

“Joel,” she moaned. It was desperate and raw and hands down the most erotic sound he’d ever heard in his life. It snapped him from his reverie and he grazed his teeth once more over her spit-swollen bud.

“I know.” He petted her hips before cupping her sex. The lace was soaked and sticky around her cunt.

Her hips bucked into the flat edge of his palm and for a moment, he watched her shamelessly ride his hand. Her brows furrowed – her fingers clutching his shirt for support. He was suddenly aware that he was completely dressed, and he found it strangely erotic. A part of him enjoyed it, maybe a little too much.

“Let me take care of you.” He patted her on the hip before ordering her to lay back. She didn’t need to be told twice.

Joel moved, so she could take his spot in the center of the bed. He tore off his t-shirt and threw it with her clothes. She watched him with glossy, moon eyes as he crawled between her spread open thighs. He captured her lips in a tender kiss before swerving to the swell of her cheek and down the slope of her neck. Gently, he nipped at her collarbone and she wiggled impatiently.

But he still went slow when dragging the tip of his nose from her breasts and along her stomach where he placed a soft kiss above her belly button.

When he settled back on his knees, he saw her chest rising and falling. Her bottom lip was stuck between her teeth and she was fisting the comforter. It was hard to believe she was really here, even as his fingers stroked her thigh. She was actually in his bed in nothing but soaked black panties.

Joel laid down on his stomach, spreading her thighs even wider to make room for his broad shoulders. Face-to-face with her lace covered cunt, he could smell the sweet, primal musk.

He sucked in a breath, suddenly feeling nervous. He enjoyed going down on women, but it had been awhile since he did anything more than just enough to get someone wet enough to take him. And he really wanted this to be good.

It felt like it had to be good, after his last fuck up.

“Joel? Are you okay?” She brushed back a tuft of hair that had fallen flat on his face.

He shut his eyes but there was no hiding when his face was mere inches from her pussy. “It’s just been awhile.”

“Well, we don’t-”

“No. God - I want to.” Joel groaned and dejectedly dropped his head against her thigh. He kissed at a mark above her knee. Her skin felt so warm against the stubble of his cheek. “Do you know how long I’ve wanted this?”

A moan dripped from her lips as he mouthed his way to the dip where her thighs met her hips. His nose nudging along the elastic seam.

“I’m not usually like this, but fuck - I wanna make you feel good.” He sucked at the spot directly above that damn tiny pink rose and her hips lifted off the bed, almost chasing his mouth. “Want you to know I can take care of you.”

“You can - you can,” she practically chanted. “Just God. Please, Joel.”

“Okay, I got you. It’s okay,” he whispered before peeling off her panties. He lifted the flimsy to his nose and inhaled without thinking. She smelled so delicious, musky, like sea salt and jasmine. He lost himself in her womanly scent and stuffed the fabric into his mouth and oh God – the taste. Dully sweet, a citrusy-tang that tingled his tongue. He devoured it.

It wasn’t until her panties were licked clean that he came up for air. His eyes opened to find her staring at him. Her mouth gaping – pupils carbon-black.

With a shy smile, he tossed the panties, now soaked with his spit, behind him. “Sorry.”

“Don’t be,” she panted. “Fuck, that was hot.”

He snorted.

“Well, you taste damn good, sweetheart,” he said, situating himself comfortably between her thighs. Now, there was nothing, not even skimpy lace separating them. She was completely hairless, which was actually a first for him. Joel didn’t have a personal preference, though he did like how easily he could see how turned on she was. Her entire sex was swollen and glossy and perfect. Licking his lips, he peered up at her. “I wanna make you feel good, so let me know if you don’t like something, alright?”

She quickly nodded, her chest hitching with anticipation. She wanted this. She did.

He kissed the top of her mound then experimentally licked her slit, keeping his tongue soft and flat. He deliberately stopped just before her clit, avoiding it. For now. He planned to build her up slowly, steady. Words had never come easy to him, so instead he’d show her what he could not articulate.

Despite his own painful desire, his focus remained solely on her as he lapped at her cunt: He teased and nibbled and sucked on her folds. Letting her little sounds and sighs guide him to find her most sensitive spots. He didn’t know what he’d been so worried about before. Eating pussy was just like riding a bike.

“More,” she pleaded, and how could he deny her after she’d been so patient?

Her back arched when the tip of his nose grazed her clit. He smirked against her cunt, the pit in his belly stoked by how worked up she was. It fueled his confidence and his tongue swiped over her clit. She wound her fingers through his hair and tugged.

Hard.

And Oh – that did something to him. His cock twitched, or at least, tried to. Pack so tightly against the seam of his jeans. Again – he swallowed the urge to hump the sheets for some relief, snubbing his own arousal for hers.

As he toyed with her clit, his fingertips skimmed over her slick, hot-heated sex. The thick bulb of his pointer finger caught on her entrance and she immediately clenched, as if trying to capture him. Greedy little thing.

Still, he peered up at her for permission that she happily granted. He started out with one finger and inched inside her until he could not physically go any further. He cursed under his breath. She was warm and soaked and so tight.

When finally he squeezed in a second finger, her knees slightly bowed. Even though she was wet enough for him to slip in without any resistance, he rocked into her slowly, mindful to let her adjust. He curled his fingers, trying a few different angles before finding that spongy spot.

Immediately, she jerked with a deep, filthy moan.

Got it.

His fingers worked just as relentlessly as his tongue that was circling and swirling and flicking her clit. So responsive. Her walls spasmed around him as he thrusted into her a little harder. A little faster.

“Oh my God.” Her voice was as shaky as her thighs. He could feel her starting to swell under his tongue.

Joel didn’t want to stop, but he needed to see her come apart. When he leaned back on his knees, her hand shot out. She latched onto his forearm with a death grip.

“Wait! Wait! Joel!” Her voice was high-pitched. Frantic. Her cunt clenched furiously around his fingers as if she could not bear to let them go. “I’m almost there. I swear, I’m close.”

She bore down, attempting to fuck his hand as if she needed to prove she was telling the truth. Like he could do nothing but sit here, and she could get herself off. Joel felt something ugly and bitter twinge in his chest. It made him wonder how often she was left high and dry and unsatisfied by the people she fucked.

Well, not anymore. Not with him.

Once his hand lightly pressed on her abdomen, she stopped. Her gaze found his. Her eyes glossy and wild and fucked out. It looked like the only thought in her head was how badly she needed to come.

“Don’t worry, I ain’t done with you, sweetheart,” he assured her as his hand on her stomach moved lower and lower. “Just wanna see you when I make you come for the first time.”

A filthy moan split her lips when he circled her clit with his thumb. The panic on her face was instantly replaced with relief. Pleasure. She looked gorgeous on the verge of an orgasm.

“Does this pretty little pussy feel good?”

“Yes - yes - don’t stop,” she cried out. “I’m so close.”

“I know, sweetheart. I can feel it.” And he could. “I got you.”

She moaned his name as she came undone underneath him. Her arousal was dripping down his knuckles and onto his sheets. He caught himself grinding into the air, desperately wishing it was his cock instead of his fingers making her come.

Her clit pulsed under the pad of his thumb like a beating heart. Insatiable, he sucked the taste of her off his fingers then wiped his mouth.

She drew him down into a sloppy, wet kiss. The painful bulge in his jeans catching on her bare flesh. By some miracle, though he didn’t burst right then and there.

She pawed at his bare shoulders. “I need you,” she murmured against his lips that were still buzzing with her wetness. “Please Joel, I want you.”

“Greedy,” he mumbled, grinning against her cheek. He gave her hip a playful pinch before jumping onto his feet.

Quickly, he shed his jeans along with his pre-come stained boxer briefs. His cock was heavy. The head swollen into a furious shade of red, closer to purple than pink.

The light outside was starting to fade into gauzy, gray dusk. So, Joel flipped on the bedside lamp before pulling out a fresh box of condoms from the nightstand. He tore through the plastic wrapping with his teeth, but slowed down when opening the tin-foil packet.

“How do you want me?” She asked as he securely rolled on the condom.

Up? Down? He didn’t care. “Surprise me.”

She shot him a mischievous smirk before flipping onto her stomach. Rising onto all fours. This woman. He had no idea what she would pick, but his first guess never would’ve been doggy.

He admired the dream-like curve of her spine and she invitingly wiggled her ass. Seemed she was trying to give him a heart attack. Did she know how sexy she was to him? She had to. She had to know what she did to him.

“Is this okay?” she asked, and Joel growled his approval. He climbed in behind her and palmed at the plump flesh of her ass.

She opened herself wider until he could see everything. “Shit, sweetheart,” he hissed, marveling at where her sex glistened with his spit and her orgasm.

Joel had to squeeze at the base of his cock before dragging the tip through her slick folds, all the way up to her puckered hole. Even that felt good. Almost too good. And he wasn’t even inside her, yet.

Once Joel was lined up with her entrance, he noticed how small her cunt looked next to him and didn’t even try to push in. He questioned whether or not he could fit. It was just a fact that he was thick. Even though she was soaked, this would be a tight squeeze.

Fuck. Now, he was really regretting only using two fingers instead of three.

“Joel” she whined, but he still didn’t move.

“I don’t wanna hurt you.”

“No, I can take it - I promise,” she whimpered. “Joel, please.” She tilted back against him, making it impossible to say no.

“Okay. Alright,” he said soothingly, calmly rubbing the arc of her hip. “I’ll go slow.”

And he did. For both his and her sake, he inched into the heat of her cunt. His gaze was welded to the painted deer above the headboard. Watching himself disappear inside her would’ve been too much. The feeling of her pulsing around him was already almost too much for him to handle. Without the condom, this would’ve been over before it could even begin.

“Fuck, fuck, fuck. You’re big,” she choked out, her walls fluttering around him. “I need - I need a second.”

“It’s okay, it’s okay.” Yeah – he needed one too.

There was a long minute where the only sounds in the room were of his harsh breaths, her suppressed whimpers. Then, a slight creak of the bed.

He leaned forward, his chest lightly pressed against her back. His arms caged in around hers, palms flat on the bed to help support his own weight as he draped over her body.

“You feel so good.” His lips brushed over the top of her spine and she shivered. “I know it’s a lot. I want you to know it’s a lot for me too.”

“Oh, Joel,” she mewled as he buried his face into her neck. She smelled and tasted just like salted caramel.

“You’re perfect, sweetheart. So good.” He kissed behind her ear, along the back of her neck. “I’m gonna move now, alright?”

“Please.” The word dripped from her lips – the only answer he needed.

He stayed close to her, his breath puffing against her neck as he fucked into her. Nice and slow and tender, at first. She met his thrusts in perfect sync. Each one allowing him deeper and deeper inside her and he didn’t even know how that was possible. It was as if her pussy was molding to fit him, to take even more of him. It felt very intimate and overwhelming.

He thought if he was staring into her eyes that he might’ve cried. Sex had never felt like this before. Not with Lisa, not even when they accidentally made Sarah. If he was being honest, sex had always felt somewhat impersonal; stilted, distant, like a glory hole in a gas station, just minus the sketchy bathroom wall.

But here, right now with her – this felt sacred. He had no clue how he ever managed to live without this.

“Do you know how long I’ve wanted you?” Joel laid his damp forehead between her shoulder blades and picked up the pace.

“Joel.” She gasped. His name seemed to be the only word she could say. It was as if he had completely consumed her. Her mind. Her body. Her every neuron. He kissed each vertebrae within reach, claiming more of her.

More.

“So damn long,” he answered. “And so fucking bad. Prettiest thing I’ve ever seen and look at you now, sweetheart. Just taking it. So good, just like I knew you would.”

“Oh God, Joel.”

He felt her shake, her arms appeared ready to give out and collapse. He wouldn’t let that happen. So, he widened his stance, the comforter bunching up around his knees. Carefully, but without warning, he fully pulled out and she wailed like it physically hurt.

“I got you.” He shushed her, wrapping his arm around her waist and sealing her to his chest. “Come on, come here.” He guided her upright along with him and she groaned once the weight was off her arms.

She sank back down on his cock instantly, her ass flush against his thighs. He felt even closer to her, somehow, in this position. Her skin was on fire, the sweat making her back stick to him like gum. Her pussy was drenched and dripping down his balls.

He could feel her all over him. Everywhere. It amazed him how he managed to last this long.

Joel gripped her hip, his other hand went to cup her breast. When he gently rocked forward at the perfect angle, she clenched.

“Goddamn.” He squeezed her breast, continuing to hit that same spot. “How are you so tight?”

“It’s you, Joel.” She gasped. “No one - no one has ever been this deep.”

The dormant, possessive part of his brain lit up and he growled. Joel buried himself to the hilt, until he could not claim another inch. No one but him had ever touched her here.

Just him.

Only him.

His.

She was soaking wet, white-hot, and he could feel himself throbbing inside her. Joel wanted to come so badly. The spicy-musk of her skin was swirling in his lower belly with a powerful, burning heat. On the brink of bursting.

“Fuck, I’m not gonna last much longer.” He pinched her nipple as his other hand went down to play with her clit. “I wanna make you come.”

Her only response came in a whine, a frantic nod.

Joel thrusted into her with long, deep strokes that made the bed shake. The headboard hit the wall in a dull, rhythmic thud that filled the room. Just like her trembling, needy moans, his own low groans, and the heady-salt scent of sex.

She threaded her fingers into his hair and haled his mouth toward hers. She kissed him, or more so, tried to. It was more of just lips devouring whatever was within reach: cheeks and chin and the curve of mouths. It wasn’t the best angle, but it didn’t matter.

In this moment, nothing else mattered to him but her.

Despite the tightness in his balls, Joel somehow held back his release. He gritted his teeth, burrowed his face into her neck, and quickly rubbed her clit. The high-pitched sound of his name lingered on her swollen lips as her walls squeezed around him like a fist.

It wasn’t until her cunt was spasming around him that he finally drove forward. He was buried so deep inside her that he practically snarled when he came.

He spilled into the condom, but pretended to be filling her up instead. He would watch his cum drool out of her, only to stuff it all back in with his fingers.

Joel clutched her against him as his hips gave a few final jerks. He would have liked to stay inside her until he went completely soft, but the condom was overflowing. Cum or her slick or more likely a mix of both was soaking into the hair between his thighs. He decided not to test the durability of this specific condom brand. The last time he did that, well – it was obvious how that turned out.

Holding the condom at the base, he slipped out of her and dropped onto his ass with a few pops and cracks. Damn, he really should stretch more.

His eyes fell to where her legs were spread and her sex was still gaping from him – for him. His mouth went dry. He wanted to lean over and quench his thirst, fill her with his tongu-

“What’re you lookin’ at there?” The sound of her lilted voice made his gaze abruptly snap to her face.

He must’ve been blushing because her lips split into a smug grin. Clearly, she knew what caught his attention. But even after two orgasms, she was still a little sassy. Still too damn perceptive for her own good, meanwhile he could barely form a coherent sentence.

She straddled his thighs, careful to avoid his semi-soft cock.

“It’s okay, you can look. I mean, it’s yours now, isn’t it?” Her soft, small voice cut through the post-sex fog in his brain. She was looking so vulnerable, so exposed, completely naked in his lap. Even he was more covered up than her, and all he had covering him was a flimsy, full condom that he had not yet found the energy to get up and throw away.

Isn’t it? Joel got the sense it was not a genuine question, but more of a reiteration – a confirmation. Are we on the same page?

Whatever she meant, he nodded his head.

“It is.” He cradled her cheek. “But only if it comes with the rest of you. I’m a greedy man, sweetheart. I want it all.”

She beamed at him.

“Well, that makes two of us,” she declared while brushing a sweaty tuft of his hair out of his face. “I want everything you come with, Joel. And when I say everything - I mean everything. The whole package.”

She might’ve not said Sarah’s name, but he knew that’s what she meant.

His lips parted, amazed by how easily the words came out of her mouth. That was the first time a woman had ever acknowledged that he came as a two-for-one deal without even a hint of cynicism in their tone. Obviously, Joel realized a kid was a lot to take on. Especially since Lisa wasn’t in the picture at all, but there were some women who made it sound like Sarah was baggage, which was insane. Sarah was the best part of him.

Speechless, Joel kissed her firmly on the mouth. It was warm and sweet and surging through his chest like an electric current. This is what it was supposed to be like. He could feel her lips break into a smile before he pulled away.

“Stay here. Let me get you cleaned up.”

She laid back on the bed without argument, and he disappeared into the bathroom. Joel stuffed the condom into the tin-foil wrapper, then buried it under wads of tissues and empty toilet paper rolls at the bottom of the trash can, just in case Sarah used his bathroom. He didn’t want her to see that.

After cleaning himself up, he returned with a warm, damp washcloth. She looked pleasantly surprised, a little shocked. Wordlessly, she parted her legs with enough space for him to fit.

“Such a gentleman,” she finally said after he gently wiped down her thighs.

“Maybe.” He moved over her tender, swollen folders with even more caution. “Or maybe I just wanted to get a closer look.”

He winked and she giggled.

“You had your face buried down there like twenty minutes ago - don’t think you can get much closer than that.”

True. Joel snorted and tossed the washcloth into his laundry hamper. He went over to his dresser and dug out an old, oversized t-shirt from the bottom of his drawer.

“Caught this at a Longhorns game from one of those t-shirt cannons,” he said when handing her the folded shirt with her panties on top.

“Ooooooh impressive.” She playfully wiggled her brows, just slightly taunting him. He didn’t expect anything less.

His boxers from earlier were still damp, so he put on a fresh pair.

“So, what time are you picking Sarah up?” she asked, seemingly waiting to bring up his kid until he wasn't butt-ass naked.

“Actually, she’s staying at her friend’s house tonight.”

“Well, that’s interesting.”

Joel hummed his response. He was grabbing a pair of sweatpants from the closet when suddenly the home phone on the nightstand lit up, ringing. Only solicitors called that phone, anymore – shit, his cellphone was downstairs.

He would’ve ignored it, but what if it was Sarah?

Joel raced to the phone with his pants still clutched in his hand. Once he saw the caller ID, he groaned.

“It’s Tommy.”

She nodded for him to answer, and so he did. Very reluctantly. “Hello?” Joel swore if Tommy was in jail again, he was going to let him rot there until next week.

“Hey there, Joel.” Definitely not jail – too happy. “What’s going on?”

“Uh,” Joel paused and looked at his bed where Teddy was laying in only his t-shirt and a pair of panties. What a beautiful sight. He couldn’t help but laugh to himself; Tommy wouldn’t believe him even if he told the truth. Joel tucked the phone between his ear and shoulder, so he could put on his pants. “Nothing.”

Teddy grinned at him like they were teenagers lying to their parents.

“Nothing? Huh?” Tommy snorted. “Then what’s Teddy’s car doing in your driveway?”

Oh no.

Joel nearly tripped over his pant leg on his way to the window. The street lights were on, but the sky was still a light enough blue where he could clearly see Tommy standing in the driveway, waving with a classic little brother grin on his face. “What the hell are you doing here?”

“I was coming by to drag your ass out and wait - are you fucking shirtless?”

Joel cursed, backing away from the window like it burned him. The cover was blown and he hoped Teddy didn’t mind, but it wasn’t his fault that his brother came over uninvited. He looked at her and she was just smiling, appearing wildly amused.

She shrugged, then yelled. “Hi Tommy.”

Tommy howled in his ear, loud enough that he could hear it through the glass. She immediately burst out laughing, no longer having to hide. Joel shook his head, but he couldn’t even be annoyed or mad. Not right now.

“You dirty dog.”

Fucking Tommy.

#pedro pascal fanfiction #joel miller x f!reader #joel miler x reader #joel miller fanfiction #last of us fanfiction #joel the last of us #joel x reader #joel miller

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thecassafrasstree · 4 months ago

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Hey. You know those little wooden shapes you can get at the dollar store?

You can make pins out of them. Just hot glue on a safety pin.

Then paint them up however you like. Or leave them plain. I'm not your boss.

I'm not sure how durable these will be long-term, but they feel pretty sturdy as long as you use enough hot glue. Quick, cheap, and easy, lol. 😂

#diy #punk diy #punk #diy punk #solarpunk #solarpunk aesthetic week #punk pins #diy or die #solarpunk diy #pins #handmade #handmade pins

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seat-safety-switch · 6 months ago

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A lot of people know that I can't weld. For instance, all of my neighbours with functional hearing or a sense of smell can tell that I did a shit job on my exhaust. Admitting it is freeing, liberating even. And yet I still feel a deep sense of shame.

Sure, I'd done all the usual things that people recommend, short of actually doing what they recommend. Buying the cheapest imaginable welder off of AliExpress and using the worst possible wire. Spinning the dials at random as I turn piles of rusty steel into piles of rusty steel with a bunch of angrily-broken-off wire attached to them. Wearing a welding hood that mostly consists of a goalie mask with shoplifted Ray-Bans® hot glued to the eye holes. Still: crap welds.

I just didn't do it often enough. Practice makes perfect, they say. For the three or four times a year that I had to tack weld a major structural component of my car back together, it was good enough for me to weld, grind, paint. Those folks doing it every single day? No wonder they can competently hot-glue metal together: their boss is forcing them to get good. Which is when the penny dropped.

A buying spree ensued, where I got even shittier cars than usual. DSMs with half the body missing. A low-mileage, air-cooled, pampered Volkswagen Beetle that you can hear rusting like a roaring fire. A bridge support that the city says needs to be repaired to a safe standard. With this pile of garbage that needs to be welded, surely I will become competent at basic fabrication skills well before they fall apart and turn into more iron-rich dirt in my yard (the weeds love it.)

Don't count on it, though. Home Depot keeps putting grinder discs on clearance in order to subsidize my incompetence, and their return policy on worn-out angle grinders is pretty decent, especially if you bring one in and use it to cut the anti-shoplifting cage to pick up four or five more (that's all I can carry while running.) Trust me, you need the extras. They don't build them like they used to, you know. You'd think those lazy assholes would know how to stick metal together.

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pierofilm · 1 year ago

Text

𝐑𝐎𝐘𝐀𝐋 𝐒𝐄𝐑𝐈𝐄𝐒: 𝐌𝐘 𝐐𝐔𝐄𝐄𝐍

𝟐𝟎𝟐𝟑 | 𝟏𝟖+ | 𝐒𝐄𝐑𝐈𝐄𝐒 | 𝐄𝐍𝐇𝐘𝐏𝐄𝐍 𝐎𝐓𝟕 × 𝐑𝐄𝐀𝐃𝐄𝐑 | 𝐌𝐀𝐒𝐓𝐄𝐑𝐋𝐈𝐒𝐓

SUMMARY you couldn't believe how your life could turn out for the worse when you were force to take on the body of the wicked and sadistic daughter of a Duke who has countless of enemies ready to stomp on her once they had the very chance. Eyes seething with vengeance and walls like ears—you had no choice but to protect yourself; you either act like her and therefore risk your life even more or overturn people's perception on her and lay low behind the spotlight. Yet the era you were thrown into seems far more complicated than you think when you attracted more eyes than you planned to do so.

GENRE/WARNING reverse harem, comedy, royal au, romance, fluff, angst, time loop/time travel, politics, 18th century au, attempted tongue mutilation, profanity.

WORD COUNT — 5k

•{ 𝐂𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝟏 ' 𝐏𝐚𝐫𝐭 𝟐: 𝐉𝐚𝐧𝐮𝐬 }•

"So.. you're telling me," hesitating in gesturing to yourself, "That I'm the daughter of a duke?" the maid nodded slowly, seemingly concerned. "And that I have two brothers.. who are currently out of town. And that I'm the only daughter." your mind fleet away as every word sank in your soul. "And it's the year 1816 right now?"

She nodded again.

And you scoffed terribly, brushing your forehead as you giggled almost like it's a joke. "Yah, who hired you?"

"T-the head took me in a few months ago, milady!"

"No bitch, I was asking who hired you? Which member recommended you to the theater?" You slapped the table repeatedly, "As far as I know, I have never seen you or anyone in my team! Wait—are you perhaps from another team?"

"H-huh, I do not understand what you are trying to imply, milady."

"Stop lying." You pointed your index finger to her face. "Quit acting, where's the freaking cameras? This must be a surprise test, huh?! Come out! I just got into an accident and you all are already giving me an exam for fuck's sake!"

"N-no!" she shrieked terribly much to your cringing face. "I— how- am I.. supposed to? Milady?!" hiccups emitted a couple of times, the girl unable to finish her sentences before suddenly weeping for the nth time, glueing her forehead on the floor

Your jaw dropped, frowning. "Stop calling me that! And h-hey! I haven't even say anything much yet and you're already crying? How much in the script did it actually tell you to cry this much?!"

"My apologies, miladyyy!" her whining cause you to close your ears in frustration, and the two maids behind the door had their head hanging so low it might snap as they pulled their fellow mate away, the familiar old lady from just now came instead, falling on her knees before you.

"Milady." Hanging her head low, she did, as she called out for you. "Perhaps, you don't recognise any one of us?"

"Do I look like I do?" You nonchalantly answered, raising your right leg on top of the chair.

That alone caused the Madame's eyes to ogle out, "Milady! That's very unladylike to sit! Please do not—"

"Excuse me? If you are trying to mould me into a—" swaying your hand in patterns, "Feminine, lovable, innocent wife for your boss. Then fucking quit it."

"Milady!" The Madame taken aback by you, proceeded to go outside, urging the maids to call upon someone. "Oh lord, what has happen to the lady that she had to utter such vile words!"

—♚—

Stress.

Indeed, the entire manor was engulfed with nothing but pure stress with your total switch of a personality—for the very reason of you barging the door without knocking, walking very unladylike, pushing yourself out the first floor's window to look out the garden, or even at worse cases which had their orbs ogling out terribly was when you pull up your gown with the reasons of it being tremendously hot, or when you plucked out the hair ornaments on your hair, or any accessories at sight.

“Lady (Name)... seems so different, doesn't she?” says the young servant as she pours a bucket of water on the marble floor.

“I like her a bit now, though.” the other replied.

“You sure about that?—” they both raise their head up to you standing afar with your head shooting outside the patterned holes of the walls. "The lady.. truly acts eccentric nowadays. I heard the doctor diagnosed with her mental problems."

"Don't tell me you're having such thoughts! Where did you even heard such baseless rumors? Keep that to yourself or else you'll earn it."

"Ugh, fine." The servant groaned to herself. "Honestly, I truly think the chandelier could've possibly damaged the lady's brain to the point she had a total switch of personality."

“Well, at least, we aren’t reprimanded as we used to.” The other replied. "Aren't you glad of it?"

Unknown to the wonders of this new, or atleast old world. A distant feeling consumed your heart as you could be the only one right here, right now. All alone by yourself—you've finally come into conclusion that you truly, were indeed, in the era of 1816.

What a fucking joke.

A teacup snapped into numerous pieces across the carpeted floor, dark brown contents splattered horrendously before the maid's horrific realisation, ultimately falling on her knees.

“I'm–m! I apologise! I deserve to die but no– no! Please I have a family to feed! Certainly they would fall into their demise upon my death, I greatly beg you young lady! Please!”

Baffled over her exaggerated and frantic reaction as if you were going to get her beheaded at any moment just because of a simple fallen teacup and its scattered leafy tea on the carpeted red floor. You laughed awkwardly, “It’s o-okay? It’s just a teacup afterall?”

"I-it's not! My lady, I greatly apologize!" She weep in pure agony, faint red dripping from her forehead as she slammed it repeatedly on the floor.

You stood there in slight shock at the desperate actions of the maid, why are they so beyond frightened of you? Did what you heard were actually true?

The young lady of this family, you heard—after a series of gathered information from what you've came to piece the puzzle together; the daughter of the duke was a one cunning and merciless lady, with an extreme intelligence surpassing of that the highest scholar in the country but one that had been deemed beneath the soil for the duke, her father—had ordered for it.

That she, a woman, shall only stay inside her home, and appease her soul by waiting for a hand in marriage. It's such an atrocious joke, really. How could you even wonder, some parents just don't deserve a child for they only deemed their child's existence as an investment. Not more than that.

The young lady also had a blast of short temper, judging by how the maids often whimper and tremble when you appear before them—acting as if their life was on the edge of the cliff every single time.

You overheard one of them that the lady had ordered for a public humiliation for one of the previous maids who dared to go up against her, stripping her off her dignity and letting men devour her like a dangling fresh meat.

She's like a ticking time bomb.

It had you a tad bit conflicted over what to feel with the lady, or whether to think of her as a completely wronged lady whose talents were gone to be drained by the father, or a spoiled brat using her power to trample on the weak.

Sighing as you watched the garden out the window, surely—it shouldn't be any of your concern right? Anything personal regarding the lady should be scrapped, and only what's necessary should be kept for you have to survive in her body with the infamous reputation she earned—till you're able to find a way back to your original life.

Tapping your chin as you brought yourself in a deep thought, you were contemplating over what to do. Right, your lips pulled up into a slight beaming smile that had the maids eyes widening in utter surprise, unable to process the eccentric sight before them.

"Get up, dear." The maid trembled slightly with your hands pulling her up in a gentle manner, "It's perfectly fine, such trivial mistakes had no need to waste such a tremendous energy upon. You may go now."

"Thank you, milady!" she held her head down before walking off but you had a bunch of curiosity you'd been dying to ask since awhile, and the maid seems the fairly perfect person to ask.

"Stop."

"Y-y-yes, milady?"

"I want you tell me about something-"

And that question was how the lady had got into an accident, since you overheard the passing maid that the lady had been in a coma for almost a month, and no one outside the manor was to be inform about it. That she had to be acclaimed as all well and safe. You furrowed your eyebrows, wondering how and why?

How did she got into one and why are they trying to keep it? Sure, the lady had such a bad temper and merciless indeed that she definitely would have plenty of souls desiring to get back on her while she's rendered unconscious. But surely, it ain't that serious? It isn't as if the young lady had a status as high as the princess or the queen.

Your curiosity were confirmed though as the young maid told you everything; that the lady had attended a noble event as she often did so her entire life, a daily occurrences for nobles like the prince and princesses, duke and duchesses and their children, royal officials and high status people to attend to. However on that fateful day, the lady had a dance with a prince and as they do so on the dance floor. The chandelier above the ceiling tragically fell on top of them; the lady and the prince.

It wreck a horrendous havoc in the ballroom and the guards immediately gathered before their unconscious bodies.

The rest was history, and only the young lady's father the Duke and a few royal officials had a knowledge about this tragic incident. Not even the young lady's brothers had any knowledge of it as they were currently out the state. They kept it a secret as to find the culprit, because once the news of the young lady and the prince being in a state of coma came out; the culprit certainly would come back.

Regarding the prince, no one had known how he is currently now. Only assuming that he, too, might still be in a coma just like you are.

The chandelier.. it sort of the same as the incident on the theater. How is this possible? Could this be a mere coincidence?

"That's all I can say, milady."

"Ah, I couldn't thank you enough." you rubbed her hand which causes her cheeks to flushed in both shock and embarrassment, her eyes beaming as she nodded frantically.

"You can count on me, milady!"

You've decided for now to go on easy on them, for now, that is. It's quite difficult to make a decision for this body that doesn't belong to you. But you'd have to ease up a little, and observe your surroundings by studying everyone's characters in this manor. By then, you'll definitely know what to do until you can think of a way to get back to your real life.

A few days had passed since then, and surprisingly they had called atleast a few private doctors the manor had, and yet they couldn't exactly tell what was wrong with you. You rolled your eyes, how could they? How could a doctor could possibly know that you were another soul, from the modern era in someone's body. Might as well call the shaman for this, but you ain't gonna risk that and possibly had yourself labeled as a witch.

Sighing, just why every door has terrible outcome behind them?

Apparently, after a series of failed attempts, the doctor simply assume that you might have an amnesia. Of course, they were skeptical as the chandelier didn't even collide against your damn head so how could you even? Trauma? Probably. That's why the doctor had asked for you to recuperate first and they'll return after a two weeks.

"We can never tell more than five people as it would surely start a rumour and possibly threaten the house of Solon, especially you, milady, has a significant position in the political affairs along with your father, the Duke."

"Losing a fragment of memories, is a fatal mistake. If by any chance it is proven, we had to keep it as a secret. We surely would help you regain your memories back by then, milady."

You could only nod and go along with them as you sipped through your teacup. What else have you to say? Your only one priority is to get back to your old life as soon as you can. Who cares what they are up to?

Somewhere in the manor's quarters—the news quickly reached the every and each person's ears, causing havoc and surprise onto everyone's faces.

"So it's due to the lady losing her memories, that she's treating us good now?"

"I didn't know that was possible!"

"Ha, we could use this to our own advantage."

—♚—

Over the course for the past few weeks, you brought a hell lot of papers with you, stacking them up in the library where you could see them easily.

A role.

Another role, the young lady; you studied the young lady's character by gaining as much as information you could gather by the maids and guards, or anything you could lay your eyes on, either by blatantly asking them or by sneaking in to their conversations.

Taking a deep breathe in, your eyes fluttered as it opens—the dust particles floating in the sun rays flew past your vision, the background gradually growing vague and blurry. Lifting your feet, and another one and so on through the entire room; imitating the lady's way of walking, and how she carries herself, how she talks, how she reacts, how she gaze at someone depending on who they are.

It wasn't perfect, for the information was tremendously limited. However, you had to do best with what you only have.

Somehow, you notice yourself growing somewhat petty and impatient in this body. You weren't entirely sure if it's a fragment of the lady's personality, or yours. It's just that, you tend to voice out without thinking much nowadays which kind of scares you.

Sighing tremendously like any other day you did as you sat on the bench in the center of the garden, where you've been seating yourself for quite awhile now to revise your plans but for some reasons which had you annoyed was another maid standing beside you. You tried to hushed her away before but she reasoned with you that she was assigned to look after you, for you still haven't recovered. How are you suppose to do it with her presence then?

"Look at me, I'm already walking!"

"But, milady. It's dangerous."

"Oh god, leave me alone." Standing up on your feet with these pair of heels drilling a hole on your sole, you lifted your gown, grabbing your heels much to the maid's utter shock and went on your way to the manor, completely bare feet. Thinking of what to eat for today before doing the rest of what you want to do in your room instead. Scrap the fresh air while revising your plans, seriously.

"Milady!" the maid held the need to ask for you to slow down as she gradually increase her speed after you who were obviously trying to evade her.

The sun must be plotting to burn you alive today, seriously. Sure, it was nice to live in such an extravagant, wealthy ass manor but it reminds you nothing but of your parents, totally irritating.

Hm?

You paused on your tracks when your peripheral vision caught sight of an intricate carriage pulling up in the entrance. Curiosity engulfed your foggy mind as you squint to take a good look of who's inside it.

"Milady!—ah!" The maid almost stumble on your back, gulping immensely down her throat as she almost sell her life for the day.

“Who’s.. that?”

The maid followed your line of vision, eyes widening at what met her sight. “Oh! That is Sir Noa!"

"N-noa?"

"Yes! Milady, that is the third son of the Solon family, young Marquess Noa. It is your younger brother, young lady.”

Your younger brother.. your younger brother? your younger brother—what?!

Wait-what? You let out a breath of gasp as the young tall man with humongous dark aura circulating over him—step one foot each closer and everything behind him grew smaller. His intimidating orbs softens into spring like gentle of the petals and his lips kisses his rosy cheeks as he continued to get closer, closer..

And closer.

“Young lady.”

His hair—as if a silk fabric of black and golden blond pouring altogether like a brewed tea to the quarters of a patterned teacup. Pouring down over to cover bits of his flattery eyelashes. His voice; just so much akin to his aura yet it seems like as if he intentionally softens his vocal chords to match your feeble form, yet still strong enough as if to acknowledge your presence.

“I’ve came home.”

"U-uh, welcome home?" you gave him a small smile, unsure if it's the right thing to do but still it won't hurt since he's supposedly the lady's younger brother, right? Fuck. You seriously have no idea, you forgot to ask the maid whether the lady and this boy are close enough.

Yet the first thought you had was, just how old the hell is this boy for him to be this tall?!

He cleared his throat. "I had to say that I missed you alot after horrendous months without being by your side, sister. How have you been doing?

You're about to cringe, he called you sister? What are you supposed to say, brother? I'm certainly doing fine, brother! Or, why are you even asking this, brother? Or, i've just went to—ugh! Just go along with it, seriously!

Shaking your head with a small smile forming on your lips, "I'm doing all well, brother."

His eyebrows knitted in utter confusion. Well shit, was that a wrong call?! "B-brother? Have you ever called me that?"

"U-uh-"

"Sir," the maid exclaimed a tad bit loud for your throbbing ears, "The lady are currently recuperating after falling into terrible sickness, I had to bring the lady to get her daily meds right now."

"Wait? Sickness?" Noa furrowed, the bright smile on his face dissipates as worry consumed his heart. "Milady, are you- no, I assume you don't feel any pain, now?"

"Y-yes, I rested alot, actually."

Noa was about to say something but held the need to do so, opting to brought his usual smile. "I was actually wondering if we could have a sparring session by noon like we always used to, but hearing such terrible news made me think that we could do that some other day."

Uh? S-sparring session? W-what is he saying? You stuttered as you ask him. "Sparring session?"

"May I be as bold as to get your permission again to hold a sparring session with you milady, as we often did? I've improved quite more than you think, milady."

What the fuck are you suppose to say? What in the sparring session is he saying? Swords? Fighting swords? And does he mean the real heavy words that the knights used?! The sword you used during theater are only made out of plastic, and was the only material you practice during lessons, so you couldn't imagine how the real swords would feel on your palms. It dawned on you on that one particular day that you tried to grab the real deal of a sword in an exhibition, and your wrist almost break in a half because of it!

What are you supposed to say now? Should I reject it? Should I take it? But he was asking for my permission! But keyword was freaking 'again'! It means the lady has never rejected her younger brother's request for sparring session! What should I do? You weep into your internal void.

"Sure." your tongue betrayed yourself, well goodbye to your life. The young man instantly had a smile so beaming it blinded your vision, saying a few more words before he soon took his leave, pressing a soft kiss on your hand before doing so.

"Oh, shit." you stood there, utterly frozen.

"Milady, you—yourself often went to sparring session with the guards whenever you had a slight change of mood, or when you need to take some fresh air. It was a usual hobby you and your younger brother often do together—what's wrong milady?"

"N-nothing, it's just the heat, I assume."

—♚—

A dinner with your supposedly younger brother for now turn out to be fairly serene, not that you'd expect it to be utter chaos but you were thinking that he would bombarded you with numerous questions, however you were beyond glad that it isn't the case. You took numerous glances at him taking a couple of sips from his teacup, as he thumbed through the pages of his book.

Noa, seems rather quiet than what his outer demeanour looks like—you'd expected him to atleast be bold or atleast a sharp tongue alike his piercing orbs. However, maybe it's too early to say. Plus, he probably has a different treatment towards each person. So were you actually right that he had a close relationship with his sister, the lady?

Time will only tell.

Ugh, this is trouble. You couldn't stop your hand from trembling pathetically even when you gripped it with the other as you walked side by side with Noa to the site where the sparring session will be held. You were about to cry over how scared you were and seriously, you actually thought that maybe you could pretend over how weak you are due to your sickness. Ha! That's it, that's definitely it. Play swords with him a little and then pretend you got hurt, fall to the ground, and faint! Perfect.

Determination blazes your orbs, as you stood before the young man who has now a pair of swords on his palms. With a bright grin on his face as he twirls the other onto his right hand, showcasing his talents to you. Huh, this kid. It's as if he's trying to show you how good he is in such an odd way. But that's normal isn't? A little kiddo proving his strength to his older siblings?

"Milady, here." the sword on his left palm caused you to sweat cold despite the scorching sun above the sky. You formed a smile awkwardly, wondering how you could even grab the sword.. Should you grab it with your two hands? But wouldn't that make it too obvious for the boy? You're dead either way, honestly.

Circling your fingers beneath the handle had you shutting your eyes tight, gripping it—afraid of what is about to happen.

"Sister?"

Your eyes shot open upon his voice calling out for you, concern adorning his sharp features. "Are you okay?"

"O-oh yes?" You forced a smile, "I am, no need-" Hold for a freaking second, what is this? Your widened orbs fell on the sword on your right hand, squinting at how oddly.. light it was. Like it wasn't heavy at all? Huh- oh my god?

Don't tell me that this is perhaps because of the lady's body? That she is probably capable of swordsmanship? Why have you never heard from the maids about the lady's skill in swordsmanship? Did they or did they knew about it? Either way, you had to find it out later. As your mind were currently amazed that you had never thought that you would gain her strength! How could you forget? It is your soul that currently hosts the lady's body.

You were beyond ecstatic to hold a light sword, amazed by your newly found ability, you tried to swing the sword in such a way that it feels like clouds. This is it. You could push through this and not risk your life before the lady's brother.

"Sister, that's not how you hold a sword."

Uh? Your eyes terribly widened, instantly holding yourself from playing with the sword any further. Alerted by his words, you were dumbfounded over what to answer.

A low, lighthearted giggle instead met your ears. "I didn't know that you, my sister, had the ability to joke?"

Shaking his head in amusement, "Everyday you intrigued me, sister." launching his sword up in the air, you prepared for his attack by dodging it slightly.

Your speed. That was new. Your vision fixated on every motion of Noa's tight grip on his sword as he prepares for another attack, somehow someway—his movement sort of felt like quite slow to you.

It's not that he's slow, it's that you could calculate his movement in a tremendous speed that you could dodge it easily. Amazement consumed your thoughts that this is truly the lady's ability. Pulling a slight smirk, you raised your sword and in an instant—it collided against Noa's, a total stare down occurs for a couple of seconds when you caught his eyebrows furrowing.

Huh?

He pulls away, stepping backward as he twirls his sword in his index finger.

"Why did you?"

Tilting his head sideways back and forth, he lets out a tiny scoff which had your stomach churning. "Nothing in particular, milady."

"Right- Agh!" you shut your eyes tight at his inhumane speed, beyond surprised at his impatience of not letting you finish your sentence. He's too strong, too much strong for you. Noa tightened his grip on his handle, pressing the blade's weight even harder on yours which causes your foot to lose it's footing, stumbling slightly but before you could prepare, you gasped at Noa raising his arm up in the air, launching the sword onto your face.

Is he trying to kill me?! Why is he getting faster each second?!

You pushed up your sword against his blade almost as fast as you, yet once again you were beneath the soil and he has the upper hand. You tried to counterattack against him but you yelp in pain when he suddenly pulls away once again, causing the blade to graze against your palms.

“Sister!?” Noa immediately get on his knees, his voice stuttering as he took your wounded hand in his. His lips blowing a breeze on your hand, causing you to frowned as you hissed at the slight pain. You observed him looking after you with the utmost care, as if you truly meant a lot to him, or the lady, apparently.

“Sister? May I ask you something?”

“Y-yes brother?” shit, that sounds too awkward for you to be honest. You could never get used to it.

"You're not her, aren't you?" A deathly silence occurs as he lifted his attention on you with his intense sharp upturned eyes that held infatuation awhile ago, but now a cold indifference inside.

You froze, “H-huh?”

Your maid's jaw dropped upon falling on your form, dropping the laundry basket she was holding as she strides off to you, “Milady! Are you okay?!”

Noa raises his palms at the approaching maid, "Stop right there."

H-how did he know? Your hand clutches the hem of your dress, your inner heart shaking vigorously as he took each step closer to you. Instinctively lowering your head down as his purplish and golden woven patterns on his collars came into view, the sunlight being covered by the growing grey dark clouds.

"The young lady ain’t this feeble and pathetic, weird isn’t?” his voice strikes your rampant heart cold and deep akin to the glint on his sword, wrapping his hand around your wrist, tightening it much to your growing pain. “She could never make such trivial mistake and yet, you did."

“Noa, what do you think you’re doing?!” You exclaimed, you tried to hold the lady's character and yet you can't help the way your heart was shivering to your core. How can you when this guy before you is just as much as his sister?! "Touching me without my permission like this is atrocious!"

They emitted a total intimidating aura, with those piercing orbs threatening to devour you alive. You had a slight wonder if he had the same infamous hobbies as his sister? Those eyes held downright blood lust inside it, you couldn't imagine how far he would go once he knew that you weren't the young lady. You couldn't even have the opportunity to study this man at all! You've failed!

"And you see, I've been observing you for quite awhile. The way you carry yourself, the way you turn and look at me—is nothing alike the young lady.”

How did he notice? How come?! You've studied the young lady's character very well, you imitated every single thing of her and yet he notice and are able to see through you. Wasn't there enough information? Have you made the wrong call?

A scoff of disbelief escapes his lips as his dragon eyes narrowed even further, “And you see, the young Lady has never called me by the name Noa when we're by ourselves together."

You tried to keep yourself still and firm as he keeps closing the distance dangerously between you both.

“She..” his voice turns into a feathery like brush against the edges of your lips, yet held a thousand prickly needles along the tip. “—calls me Riki.”

Your eyes widened horribly at his words. Well what in the actual fuck, congratulations, you're officially being sent into the coffin! How could you ever know of a nickname between siblings?!

His eyes sharp and intense, akin to dragons roaring thunders and fires mixing with thousands of swords bound to rip your flesh apart. He grabbed your wrist even tighter you could let out a yelp yet you held the need to do so as he pulled you closer, forcing you to look at his intense spiraling dark orbs.

“Who are you?”

What are you supposed to say now? This man is no fool. One word and he might, no—definitely he would rip your head apart for fooling him. After all, the lady's are deemed to be a wicked person, then how couldn't he as her younger brother turned out to be the same well?

Think, (Name)! Have your skill had truly gone to waste? Your palms supporting your torso had been trembling so much you swore you are about to faint.

“Huh? Am I seeing this right? Marquess Noa using such force against his older sister?” an unfamiliar face appeared in the distance, approaching you two. "That's quite un-gentleman of you, I fear."

You observed as Ni-ki’s eyes rolled in annoyance before he turned over his shoulder and it gave you a clear view to the person in question. “Perhaps, you shall keep your pathetic nose inside your quarters, shouldn’t you, General?”

Shrugging his shoulders, the man did. “I don’t know,” your rattled orbs fell upon a jet black slicked hair, faint smirk paired with those glowing grey orbs, a scabbard hanging down his hips as his overalls consists of intricate patterned jacket over his inner black shirt with few buttons off, exposing his well toned chest and neck adorned with gleaming jewels. “Maybe we shall ask you then, milady?”

Who the fuck is this other guy?! Why they keep appearing one after another?! Can't they give you a break?! You were beyond cornered as if your feet were on the scattering edge of the cliff with those two pair of orbs looking down at you—their intimidating and piercing aura threatening to consume you akin to an enormous eagle and a hissing black panther before you, who's only a mere tiny bouncing bunny.

Would this really be the end of your life?

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osamucide · 11 months ago

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ADA secret santa . . . .ᐟ

wc: 1.4k

cw: crack, everyone is a menace, no reader included, probably some ooc, language, alcohol, drug mentions, suggestive gifts but nothing strictly nsfw, this is really just silliness

reid: happy christmas to those who celebrate! this was fun to write and think about i hope you guys enjoy and get a kick out of imagining this chaotic group being a dysfunctional family as much as i do

. . . .ᐟ

first things first: who gets who?

just like everything else at the agency, it’s a fucking ordeal.

dazai writes down everyone’s names to draw out of kenji’s hat, but he’s given them all nicknames, some more horrendous than others, and kunikida’s standing at the whiteboard writing down everyone’s favorite colors and t-shirt sizes when naomi pulls a name and asks, “who is ‘bawss bitch’?”

“president fukuzawa, duh,” dazai chirps.

cue face-palms and eye-rolls around the room.

“naomi, draw again. the whole point is that no one else kn-“

“thanks, ranpo, we know the point.” yosano reaches into the hat for herself. “who is . . . ‘tightass’?”

everyone glances to kunikida, who freezes and turns slowly, threateningly, toward the bandaged menace.

dazai tries so hard to contain his laugh, but ends up snorting unceremoniously.

so, commence kunikida choking him out and demanding he write down everyone’s proper goddamn names so they all know what the hell is going on. atsushi’s on it, copying everyone’s legal, government-registered first and last name down onto one sticky note each, and the drawing restarts.

names are distributed. instructions follow. yosano lovingly requests the biggest bottle of tequila the budget will allow.

the office party will start on christmas eve at 6pm.

. . .

naomi’s forcing junichiro into the ugliest, most uncomfortable-looking matching sweater anyone in the office has ever seen in all of their days (it’s got glitter-hot glue balls and messily sown-in sequins all over it. it’s hard to tell if it depicts something festive or if it’s the cover of lil wayne’s 1999 studio album tha block is hot).

yosano has cracked into the bottle of wine she’s kept stashed under her desk all day and is drinking straight from it.

ranpo’s encouraging her to chug while he makes a sizable dent in the huge tray of cookies provided by fukuzawa.

atsushi’s on the verge of tears because he’s never celebrated christmas with anyone who cares about him before, and kenji’s doing a mediocre job at consoling him.

dazai has brought eggnog and announces to everyone, at the exact moment that kunikida finishes off his third glass, that it’s spiked.

kyoka’s dragging haruno toward the group, where she places a reindeer antler-headband atop the older girl’s head. kyoka smiles so purely at her. it puts the fear of god into poor haruno.

it is 6:08pm.

once junichiro’s in his sweater and thoroughly suffering and atsushi’s stopped hiccuping, fukuzawa summons everyone around the tiny office tree for secret santa.

and here’s who got who.

. . .

president fukuzawa has drawn ranpo’s name for the third year in a row. he always goes with some sort of snack, but this year he found these on etsy and couldn’t resist.

the boss lets out a chuckle. everyone is jazzed. atsushi covers kyoka’s eyes. ranpo sticks his tongue out at fukuzawa (but cracks into the bag immediately).

. . .

ranpo drew yosano.

yosano lets out an unhinged laugh and puts it on. ranpo, mouth full of gummy dicks, lovingly retrieves a bottle of tequila from hiding. already half a bottle of wine and two glasses of eggnog in, yosano throws her arms around the great detective for a siblingly hug. atsushi is covering kyoka’s eyes again. he wonders if he’ll have to do this for every present.

. . .

yosano got kunikida.

“sorry, I couldn’t find an actual prescription.” kunikida’s lips are pursed in disappointment, not out of lack of appreciation but for shame in her joke. everyone knows it holds weight. dazai is on his ass laughing. kunikida remarks how he’s been needing a back pillow for his desk chair anyway. atsushi has his head in his hands.

. . .

kunikida got junichiro.

dazai and ranpo are nodding solemnly. no one is laughing because it’s true other than naomi who insists kunikida really does have a sense of humor. wow!

. . .

junichiro drew dazai’s name.

“awww!” dazai croons, holding it to his chest before going to place it on his desk next to his nameplate. “tanizaki, I’m so glad you think so.” again, everyone knows it’s true and laughs because of it this time.

. . .

dazai got fukuzawa.

it’s extra funny to dazai at this point because the boss is such a cat guy and also he and yosano have already snuck off cousins-at-thanksgiving style outside to smoke whatever (all while he’s on his way to being plastered. yosano’s the resident alcoholic, yes, but no one can ever truly contain dazai’s festive substance use). fukuzawa laughs - it has to be an effect of the alcohol on him too, everyone thinks, because no way would the stoic man ever crack a smile at such a gift let alone actually use this fucking mousepad. dazai tells him he’ll cry if he doesn’t see it on his desk next week.

. . .

a break proceeds because kunikida swears something got fucked up in the drawing process now that half of them have looped around. yosano, dazai, and ranpo are doing tequila shots. haruno explains to kunikida that it’s fine - someone had to go first - and they should just pick someone to start the second round of gifts. kunikida’s scribbling in his notebook trying to figure out what they screwed up. kenji insists that they’re already playing the game, there’s no point in trying to rewrite it now as long as everyone has a gift! kunikida looks visibly intoxicated like he’s about to pop a vein in his forehead, so kenji just laughs nervously and takes the reins. he tells kyoka to go next.

. . .

kyoka drew haruno.

it’s in a pretty purple bag, christmas spirit somewhat lost upon the child. atsushi almost starts crying again (dazai’s been slipping him eggnog). kyoka’s already assembled and glued the flower together. haruno smiles appreciatively. it will go on the front desk.

. . .

haruno got naomi.

no one expects this from haruno but it’s a huge hit, especially juxtaposed with junichiro’s gift from kunikida. it’s a book cover over a blank notebook and the only thing she apologizes for is that it doesn’t say “sibling.” naomi is red in the face and forcing a laugh. dazai and yosano are a second away from hoisting the girl up on their shoulders like she just made a winning touchdown. atsushi’s head is in his hands again.

. . .

naomi got atsushi.

it’s him if he was a single-celled organism, kenji remarks. atsushi is wholeheartedly pleased with this gift and gives naomi an extremely awkward hug. he holds onto it like a lifeline for the rest of the night.

. . .

atsushi pulled kenji’s name.

he wasn’t sure how seriously to take the gift, but he thought these were fitting. kenji beams and jumps up and down and hugs atsushi so tight the older boy starts to go blue in the face.

. . .

and finally, kenji drew kyoka.

kyoka wants the spiderman one. kenji obliges.

. . .

new and old traditions alike arise; yosano and ranpo each gift each other $20. fukuzawa has given both of them the $20. it's a ritual they refuse to let die. dazai tries to get kunikida to do a shot out of his mouth which leads to shouting and beating. atsushi sits both of them down on the couch and forces them to drink water and be nice to each other. naomi, haruno, and junichiro pick out a christmas movie to project onto the wall as background noise; they settle on a cheesy musical hallmark movie suspiciously similar to the one they put on last year. kyoka and kenji join ranpo in raiding the dessert table. yosano is singing! she is trying to get everyone to sing with her. dazai is the only one who joins. he is wearing the i ♥️ cock(tails) hat. they start with silent night and end with skeeyee by sexyy red.

before long, drunken detectives fall into their chairs and couches with blankets and plates of sweets to get comfy for home alone 2. dazai wants a whole couch to himself but that's unfair, so he settles for stretching his gangly ass legs across kunikida and tanizaki. kyoka and kenji curl up on the floor in a pile of blankets; the girl looks on the verge of sleep. naomi and haruno squeeze into a chair; yosano finds herself flat on the ground, nearly finished bottle of wine in hand; ranpo's feet are kicked up on the nearest desk and he sits in his chair near fukuzawa, who overlooks his employees with tired satisfaction. atsushi glances around at his his colleagues, and for as unhinged as they are, he feels lucky to have a group of people so welcoming to call his friends. all is peaceful and happy, except for ranpo's incessant burping and yosano's eventual snoring. it's fine.

merry fucking christmas.

#armed detective agency #bungou stray dogs #bsd #bsd headcanons #bungou stray dogs headcanons #bsd dazai #bsd yosano #bsd fukuzawa #bsd ranpo #bsd kyouka #bsd kunikida #bsd kenji #bsd atsushi #bsd naomi #bsd junichiro #bsd haruno #bsd christmas #with love—reid

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wowcatboys · 2 years ago

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Hihi! May i request power and denji w/ a shy s/o? Thank you <3

You're very welcome! 🖤

Denji

Denji thinks it's absolutely adorable that you're shy. Every time you all-but-shrink behind his shoulder in a crowded room his heart speeds up a little in his chest. He won't make a big deal out of it, especially if you see your shy nature as a flaw, but sometimes he can't resist mumbling a "God, you're so cute" against your ear if you lean in to him, whispering your thoughts so that only he can hear.

Denji has no issue speaking for you, if that's what you want. Tell him what you want at a restaurant, and he'll unflinchingly order for you (most of the time, he asks for an extra dessert, even if you didn't say you wanted one--because fuck it, every day's better with some sweets). Hold a ringing phone out to him and he instantly knows he's supposed to answer for you. Someone tries to strike up a conversation in line at the grocery store or next to you on the subway? Don't worry, Denji's right there to take the heat off you.

Despite this, Denji still encourages you to speak up for what you want or need. Whenever you manage to push past your shyness and assert yourself, he always congratulates you afterwards, no matter how small your act may have been. "Hey," he offers you a lopsided smile, "When you told your roommate to start doin' their own dishes? Badass. Ya did good!" He completely means it, too! He's beaming with pride whenever you push past your shyness.

He knows you need some extra support, so Denji's on you like glue at social events. If it's something more casual, like a hangout with friends, he keeps his arms wound around your waist in a permanent hug, or pulls you down to lounge in his lap while you socialize. Anything more formal sees his hand locked through yours. He rubs his thumb reassuringly against your knuckles if he senses you're getting a bit nervous or uncomfortable. While the PDA might fluster you a bit, especially because he's openly showing you love in a way that tends to draw attention, he reasons that the reassurance you get from his gentle, encouraging touch helps you feel more secure.

If he can tell you're obsessing about what you said or how you acted in any given situation, Denji encourages you by pointing out just how weird people are. "Don't worry too much about it, cutie," he reassures, ruffling your hair. "People are really freaks...I don't know what to do around 'em either, most of the time. Trick is to just not let it bug ya."

Though he's not one to tease (much), Denji does love to fluster you with constant compliments. He knows your shy nature means that professing his love will put an adorable blush on those cheeks of yours. He loves to tell you how your smile makes his chest feel all tight and tingly, or that hearing your laugh makes his whole day better. When you giggle shyly and hide your blushing face, he feels a swell of pride that he managed to get such a cute reaction out of you.

Power

Power tries to understand, she really does, but for the life of her she can't figure out why you're shy. After all, what does a smart, attractive, funny, caring person like yourself have to be nervous about? Especially around a bunch of puny humans! (If you protest and tell her that you're also a puny human, she just scoffs. "Nonsense," she proclaims, "You are in a league all your own! 'Tis obvious!") Even if she doesn't get it, though, she does her best to be supportive.

Power will absolutely speak up for you, which is nice, but she sometimes gets what you wanted to say hopelessly scrambled up, which is...less nice. You need to be very clear with what you want if you'd like her to relay it. Otherwise, you might end up with your friends thinking you said their Saturday night plans were foolish or your boss fuming that you want to quit without notice. She'll always rectify the situation if she accidentally lands you in hot water by speaking for you and saying the wrong thing, but damnit if you haven't received a handful of angry phone calls from people convinced you told your girlfriend to go insult them. (Power, even if she fixes the mess, is never sorry. Any misunderstandings she creates, she simply shrugs and blames on 'fickle, obscure human communication'.)

If there's one thing Power's good at, it's getting the attention of everyone in the room. When you're together in public, though, she does her best to dial her over-the-top personality down. She hates seeing you nervous, so even if it's extremely difficult for her to lower her volume and stop manhandling Denji, Aki, or you, Power attempts to control her antics. She expects her efforts to be rewarded with a generous amount of kisses, of course.

Bless her heart, Power wants to help you any way she can, but she just doesn't get humans sometimes. One of the better ways she helps you feel more comfortable is by draping her jacket over your shoulders, surrounding you with skin-warmed, comforting fabric. It smells like her and is just big enough to make you feel guarded, protected. One of the worst ways she tries to help you, though? Threatening everyone in the room. "You'd better make my darling comfortable," she places her hands on her hips and bares her fangs in a threatening grin, "or I shall make you regret ever talking to them in the first place!" Thankfully, she doesn't do the latter anymore if you ask her to stop...not in front of you, anyway.

If you just don't want to be around people, that's totally okay with Power. In fact, she prefers hanging out with just you! She'll drag you all over the place for two-person activities. Power thinks it's much more fun holding your hand as you throw bread crumbs at ducks, or ride the Yokohama ferris wheel, or monopolize the swing set in an empty playground. She'll take that over mingling with puny, insufferable humans any day.

#chainsaw man #chainsaw man/reader #chainsaw man x reader #chainsaw man headcanons #denji x reader #power x reader #denji/reader #denji x you #denji chainsaw man #denji imagines #power x you #power/reader #power chainsaw man #power csm #denji csm

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r0-boat · 5 months ago

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Corn maze

Oc Holt x Gn! reader

This took way too long to get out! Aaa

Anyway I hope you enjoy!

If you would like to see more of my OCs check either the old master lists or the OC master list

Cw: NSFW, name calling, exhibitionism, semi public sex, inappropriate boss employee relationship, dub con, mentions of breeding, biting, Gn! Reader character uses the word pussy as a derogatory term.

The golden glow of the sunset casts its orange light over the farm. The chilly autumn wind begins to set in as the last of the blue moon acres guests begin to peer out from the tall cornfield.

Acres of corn that took half the season to grow, but it was worth it for what your boss was trying to do. A little Halloween treat for the kids and a cheap tactic to get their parents' cash.

A corn maze. It sounded easy enough. Collect $5 to come in, and when they reach the end, they are awarded with a small little goodie bag. Out of all the money-making schemes that Holt has cooked up, You have to admit this is a lot better. It beats dressing up pretty for a photo shoot or, God forbid, whatever happens in spring.

But that doesn't mean you'd still cooperate. Oh no, as soon as he finished setting up the booth, you were long gone. Listening to screaming kids as they drag their parents into the tacky maze.

Where were you? Somewhere in the maze, at one of the many dead ends, sitting criss cross on the soft hay bale, glued to your phone.

Was this professional? Nah. Did you care? Nooope.

So glue to your screen trying hard to watch videos as the cell service out here was God awful You only just noticed a shadow casting over you. When you looked up your heart jumped out of your chest.

"So this is where You have been…"He says with a smile that's freaking you out. His eyes were dead from an 8-hour plus work in the hot sun. You are so stunned you stayed silent. Your eyes wide with fear as Holt just circles you. "Nice hiding spot huh? In a dead end really far from both ends of the maze…"

You put your phone up getting up from your seat "Holt I-"

"What- sorry I went off to play on my fucking phone while you work your ass off for hours?" He sneers before letting out a deep chuckle "no sweetheart. You're going to get it for skipping out on work. And you are going to give me a reward for covering your ass."

Before you could even plead He demands "turn around bend over the hay bale."

"W-what?"

"Ya heard me, bitch, I'm stressed the fuck out, and you're going to help me with it. I won't say it again. Turn around, drop those pants, and bend. Over."

A shiver runs up your spine, and you obey, messing with the buttons on your pants. They fall to the floor as you bend over the hay bale. You spread your legs apart; your boss hums at the view, his rough, calloused hands grab at your soft ass cheek as he spreads you open; he whistles, "fuck, I missed this hole."

With his two fingers, he licks and sucks, covering them in saliva before playing with your entrance.

"Mm! H-Holt-Please!" You moan, feeling his two fingers beginning to part your walls.

Holt spanks your ass with his hand callused against your soft skin; it hurts like hell. He hisses, "That's not what you call me when I'm fucking you."

"Sorry, sir." You whimper

"Yes, Good, Fuck, that honey-like voice of yours is turning me on. Feel that?" Holt purred, pressing his crotch against your ass. You could feel His bulge right up in between your cheeks. "That's what you do to me."

You can't help but buck against his hand as he slides deeper. His fingers begin to move slowly, working you more and more open.

"I want to fuck you now, but I know your little bitch pussy won't handle it." He laughs, his hand beginning to speed up. His fingers curl into that spot that makes you scream "yeah get louder! No one's here anymore babe. Get nice and loud fo' me." You feel yourself getting close until to your annoyance you whine feeling his fingers slide out.

"Quit your yapp'n I'll fill you up with somethin bigger."He growls hitting you again on the ass before messing with his belt buckle. He slides it down just enough for his cock to spring free. You arch your back feeling the tip gently press against your entrance. He smiles feeling you eagerly fuck against his hips trying to press yourself further and slide.

"I love eager little livestock like you." He growls, hand slides underneath your shirt to fondle your chest, before just ripping off your shirt entirely, So he could pinch and play with your chest whenever he wanted.

You have no idea what you do to him, Your scent alone makes him drool, He could hardly think around you. And you have no idea how much he stares at your body wanting nothing more than to slide inside you every chance he gets. He needed this! It was your fault for turning him into an animal in rut and you need to pay your dues.

Despite his big size and the tight squeeze he forces you to take it, filling you up to the hilt at least he waits before beginning to move. That was the only courtesy he gave you. Holt's hips slammed back into you. You covered your mouth with your hand to muffle your moans.

Holt would not have that! He yanks your hand away grabbing both of your wrists and pinning them to your back. as the other grabs your plush thigh holding you down for him to use you. "Don't you dare cover your mouth! Scream! No one but the cattle is here, So fucking scream!" Using both of your arms He pulls you back into him with each thrust. Holt was in complete control; you can only squirm and scream underneath him.

If only you were part of his herd, He thought. Cute little cow hybrid, obedient and desperate for his attention. He would make sure your properly cared for every day, milked and fucked. He had to admit for a human, You are quite cute. Small and plush, yet so feisty, so bity.Even now as your eyes roll back, hair messy, covered in straw and your own drool, naked and exposed for only him to see is he was fully clothed breeding you like the sow you are. Not so disobedient now when you're filled with cock.

The scent of you, him and sex. Even if they were hidden in a corn maze. The other hybrids on the farm no doubt know what's happening. As they should. They need to know that you're his.

He will mark you inside and out with his scent.

You hate your boss, You hate that he uses you like some toy, And you hate how good his dick feels, huge, thick and veiny sliding against every spot, You love when it throbs inside of you.

"Sir! Sir I'm so close!" fuck he just loves when you call him that. "Good little cow I'll fill you up so good!" His pace speeds up chasing his orgasm wanting desperately to cum with you to feel you squeeze and milk his cock as he squirts deep inside you. His hands now pinning you down to the hay bale feeling his teeth grays against the back of your neck as he threatens to bite down.

You feel a sharp pain as you feel him fill you. The pain from his fangs breaking your skin mixing in with pleasure of his dick pumping in and out of you with each grind of his hips making you cum. You thought he was going to pull out and leave you but to your surprise, He flips you into your back, Your eyes meeting his wild eyes and wicked smile as he started moving lifting your legs over his shoulders.

"I'm not done! You are going to be a good fleshlight and take it"

#oc x reader #oc: holt #original character x reader #werewolf oc #farmer oc #bullfarmau #original character fanfiction #oc smut #smut #no beta we die like men

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nastykhakis · 1 year ago

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several.

i am a talented boy i did SEVERED chores

#fixed my postcard wall it was crooked #swept the bathroom #gonna take the trash out and help w laundry #and i picked up my meds!!! and got more hot glue for my fairy house!!#fuck it maybe i’ll vacuum #OH and i put clean clothes away #hashtag like a boss

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starrspice · 2 months ago

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👀👀👀 nice ocs! mind sharing the lore with the class?

Hi yes hello Anon I would be delighted to share the lore with you all excuse me while i foam at the mouth

Please enjoy my brainworms about my precious precious babies (lore below the cut)

SO they are a group of mercinaries called The "Universal Freelance Operation Specialists" aka the U.F.O.S. and despite being mercinaries they honestly do just about any job you're willing to pay for big or small

They all just live and travel in their Ship hopping from galaxy to galaxy looking for jobs to snag and making friends and enemies along the way

You have Mars, the "captain" of the ship and the boss of the whole organization Who is an exhiled warrior from one of the most reserved and unstudied planets in the universe. Not much is known about her home life or her history since she's very tight lipped about it, but one thing is for certain. If you're the bottom of the barrel and feel like nobody in the galaxy would ever want or need you for anything, chances are you'll find a place with Mars in the U.F.O.S. even if you don't stick around. Mars is an excellent leader and knows how to orchestrate plans including every member and their own unique set of skills. She knows her group is rag tag and often considered the bottom of the barrel but holds them all dear regardless of what others might say. She's often very stern and stoic, usually acting aloof to trick people into thinking she's oblivious. She's firm but fair and loyalty is extremely important to her. She's got a kind heart and a soft side she's often afraid to show as its been used against her in the past.

Next up is Ango, a reject from a planet of one of the most intelligent species known throughout several galaxies. He's not quite as highly intelligent as some of the top scholars on his planet but he's the planet's equivalent of a mad scientist. Now he uses his high intelligence and skills with tech to tinker and invent a broad range of odd but useful devices that could change things for better (but more often for worse). He's considered extremely dangerous and somewhat mad by his own species. He's Mars's second in command and the resident Repair man (cuz stars knows stuff gets broken non stop, especially Zai and Gidget. Mars and Zai traveled together for years before eventually finding and recruiting Gidget, and later on Zai. Just like Mars he's pretty reserved with his past and gets squeamish talking about it. He tends to be a bit hot headed and exentric at times often blowing his top and making a mess of things that could've easily been handled diplomatically.

Gidget (Formally known as Aza) is a scrapped Childcare Android who used to belong to a very Wealthy politician and was in charge of caring for, raising, and befriending the politician's daughter. Gidget deeply cared for the girl and was absolutely devastated when she was thrown away after a new intergalactic law made Androids official citizens with basic rights (requiring any owners of androids to pay extra and provide for the androids they owned). Found by Zai and Mars in a sorry broken state and living on stolen charges, the pair took her in and repaired her, eventually completely rebuilding her with a new and more durable body. She became the glue of the team and helped mediate and problem solve whenever Ango and Mars reached an impass but she is the teams self proclaimed "demolition" specialist and tends to enjoy any job involving explosives, but also often plays nurse and patches up her organic teammate's injuries after a rough job

Zai is by far the newest member of the team (as well as the youngest) but is still a very capable and resrouceful member they can't do without. Often called "the muscle" of the team Zai is the combat specialist, easily able to handle large swarms of enemies on his own whether it be armed or bare handed. Humans are an extremely rare sight across the universe as earth is seen as a semi-primitive planet not yet considered suitable for intergalactic travel and Extra terrestrial interaction, so humans are usually abducted from their planet and sold as illegal and exotic "pets" to rich and powerful people. Zai however, was unfortunate enough to be abducted and tossed into what is essentially an intergalactic dog fighting ring. He spent his teenage years and early 20s fighting for his life in the arena, and was frequently augmented and experimented on in attempts to make him stronger. Eventually the other members of the fight ring came to stop calling him by his real name (Austin Beckett) and began to call him "Zai" which means "Champion". He kept the name ever since. Eventually the fighting ring was busted by the authorities, and Zai desperately made his escape during the raid (knowing if he was taken in by the police he'd be treated like a glorified animal since humans were considered largely unintelligent). By the time he was freed from the ring he had so many of his human body replaced with machines and augments, most notibly his prosthetic mechanical arm, leg, and eyes as well as his cerebral implant (which he later removes himself). With no way to go back to earth and nowhere to go after he was freed the U.F.O.S. took him in and adopted him as part of their little team (which he considers as his family) and although he is often very friendly and optimistic he has extremely violent tendencies especially when it comes to protecting his family. Despite their constant bickering Zai and Ango are probably the closest out of the bunch and spend the most time together

While they usually just run around doing oddjobs, their lives were forever changed. They were hired for an amount of credits one could only dream of to retrieve a "top secret super weapon" but would ultimately end up being the most wanted criminals in the universe after stealing it from the intergalactic federation. Their lives are turned upside down as they're forced to go on the run (and keep this "weapon" from everyone, including their original employer)

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glaciertea · 4 months ago

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Masterlist here

Tales the Songs Weave

Ch.22<< >>Ch.24

CW: none

Chapter 23: 'Till We're Invisible...

Word count: 4.8K

Doing the whole ‘reversal of knowing a person’ to ‘not pretending they don't exist’ is a hassle.

You try not to get too bothered by it as life makes and breaks its course, but it's still a blow to your heart, perfectly settling a bigger and new scar that'll last for a good while. Maybe even forever.

The decision that was mutually agreed on was the worst, especially dealing with it from Miguel. Even with the basic number of texts you sent, he would egregiously find a way to respond in such a manner that conveyed he could give two flying shits, if not less.

It was very annoying, like pulling teeth. You were aware of his method, and you wanted to bite that bullet and let it float away in the endless breeze, but your stubbornness was winning as you tightened onto that desperation of wanting to fade on some type of positive note. Or, more realistically, a neutral one.

That part was dangling for dear life, while the other was fighting to let go.

When he left for the actual last time, you rewound that evening non-stop in your brain. Not a single detail was lost, and you could recite the argument and the following pacifying conversation verbatim.

It also didn't help that you could still taste his lips on yours.

Your thoughts would drift, the many what-ifs plaguing you if either he or you had removed that watch. Would he have tried to dismiss them and then proceeded to take you back into his mouth? What if they never needed help? Would it still have gone the same way? Hundreds more haunted you.

Ronnie took notice of your weird one-eighty mood shift—well, more of a ninety-degree turn.

You were slightly better after finally coming to some type of conclusion. There were still a few or more inquiries that stuck to you, like hot glue on a broken furniture piece. Was the canon a physical element or merely a hypothetical concept that is only talked about? How legitimate is it exactly? What would happen if a canon was wrong? Were you really supposed to not exist?

You regret not asking for some tangible proof and evidence.

But at the end of the day, it was a momentary experience. An encounter that you wish would have lasted for much longer.

Mindlessly shelving items, you felt a sudden tap on your shoulder, pulling you out of whatever world of wonder you stuck yourself in.

“Hm? How may I help you?” You casually peer up, expecting a customer, only to see Ronnie staring at you with a quirked brow.

“You were out of it again. I said you can go on ahead and take your break now.” She turned to the racks before looking back at you. “And to also tell you that you've been stuffing most of the things in that box here.”

You glanced up to be met with clothes, books, and a few board games, all disorganized and shoved in a spot where wooden figures are supposed to be.

“Oh, right. I'm sorry. I'll fix this and put them in the right spot. You can go ahead and start my break timer now, if you'll like.”

Ronnie blew a raspberry and lowered herself to the balls of her feet. “You honestly think I'm going to do that? I know I like using my boss powers for... certain intentions, but I occasionally like to use them for good too.”

You rolled your eyes, and she gave you a few playful punches. “But no, I'm not going to do that. I'll take care of this. You go on and relax that pretty head of yours.” She started to remove the articles of clothing, putting them in the box before moving onto the books.

“Ronnie, it's okay; I made the mess, and I'll fix it.”

“How have you been doing?”

You blinked and rolled your neck at the sudden tightness. “How am I doing?”

“I'm pretty sure that's what I said. How are you doing?”

“I, um, I think I'm okay. Yeah, I'm still taking it day by day.”

She clicked her tongue and sighed. “You think you're okay, or you know you're okay?”

Your mouth went dry, and your throat randomly felt sore. You haven't told Ronnie about what exactly went down when Miguel came that day. It's been close to two weeks, and you were hoarding up all those feelings.

You didn't want to burden her anymore with the mess you're dealing with. She's already done so much that you felt as if you had to step back.

“Yeah. I'm–I'm fine.”

She twisted her lips to the side and ran her fingers down to detangle knots from her hair. “You don't have to be by yourself during this.”

The guilt was feasting heavily on your soul. “I-I know. It's like I've been saying, it'll pass eventually.” It has to.

Ronnie didn't say anymore and rubbed your back. “Alright, I'm not going to pester you. But just know, I'm always here. And I'm still not afraid to find him and beat his ass with trusty ol’ lummy over there.”

She exaggerated her wave over to the checkout counter. A twitchy, small smirk made its way when Ronnie hugged you.

“Thanks, Ronnie. But I still think that isn't necessary.”

“Middle ground. If I personally see him myself while casually out and about, I will find a way to make the bat magically appear.”

You silently muttered, “Oh my gosh,” dramatically dragging your fingers down your face and giving a sidelong glance.

“There will be no barrier. Now go and take your legally mandatory break that has suddenly been pushed to an hour and a half.” She stood up and stretched her arms in the air, leaving you slightly befuddled.

“Are you su-”

“If you ask me if I'm sure, an extra thirty will be added.”

Your mouth opened when she jutted in again.

“And if you tell me you don't want to leave me here by myself for that long, you're getting the rest of the day off.”

She knew how to take advantage of these situations, and you were aware you weren't going to win this no matter how many objections you projected at her.

With a huff and a raspberry of your own, you took the undeserved leisure time, eyeing that smug grin while you gathered up your bag. You acknowledged the care she was giving with another embrace and made your way out to get something to chow down on.

Stopping in front of the Asian street food restaurant, you debated on heading inside and relishing the tasty cuisines when your mind aimlessly migrated to the day you two dined here. The comforting sway you both invited when he discarded his sunglasses, gazing into those beautiful ruby-reds, that culminated a sense of ease and reassurance. How the conversations made it seem like no one else was in the building besides him and you.

Realizing your hand was on the handle, you drew away and persuaded yourself that you were in the mood for anything else.

Settling on a simple chicken wrap, cookies, and fresh fruit, you took the meal to go and ventured wherever your legs led you. You absently munched on the sugary pastry goodness, loving the unpopulated sidewalks before the rush. You were always thankful for having an 11 a.m. lunch instead of noon; you didn't have to endure the bustling nature of crowds or long winded lines and angry customers who held them up just because they didn't have an extra pickle on their sandwich.

You took advantage of these soothing moments.

Ambling more down and finishing the last of your grapes, you stumbled on an overfamiliar space. Blanking out for a second, you groaned out and plopped down on the bench. You did your best to ignore the park, finding ways to steer clear of this part at all times. But even your body clashes with your mind and reasoning.

The adjacent bench remained empty, but your brain sought to create a visualization of him. You could distinctly remember it all, despite wanting to erase it. You dared not come this way after that last night, when he ran away. It added way too much salt to that wound. A truck load on it.

Tirades of reminiscence frequently bombard your nonchalant feelings for him. You strived to keep it at bay, but there's times like these when it's of no use.

You allowed it to go, just for this day. That night will always be near and dear to you. He left an imprint on your heart. You reached for your phone and clicked on his name.

‘Thank you.’

That was the last message.

You remember eyeing those three dots going on for nearly two minutes, boring at the screen hellbent on what he was going to say. Your brain virtually knew he wasn't going to send his genuine thoughts or his true words, but that lowly fraction of false hope was sneaking its way into the heart.

When those dots stopped for a few seconds and then continued bouncing, you felt your pulse and heart racing. Maybe he was ready to prove you wrong; he was going to have that sliver of hope prosper and scream, ‘I told you so!’

You did say, ‘I told you so,’ but it was the major side that won.

Blinking back whatever sentiment was trying to brew, you slipped your phone back into your pocket, holding one last stare at the wooden seat before standing up. You still had plenty of time to wander about, so you took a deeper look into the more downtown vicinity.

It was crowded, but that's to be expected as it's the main hub section. Hover cars speeding by, followed by blaring honks, was such a huge contrast from the serene park that's less than ten minutes from here.

You dodged people in expensive business attire who were too busy tapping away on their tablets or talking into their watches, which was a hassle. They would bump into you as you muttered an apology, but only to receive a scowl or a “watch it!” in return.

No wonder he barely came out here. If this was a scene you had to grudgingly witness every morning of every day, you would stay stuck up in that stuffy skyscraper too.

You momentarily came to a stop, apologizing to a person who almost ran into you. The tower was deadlocked in your line of sight. You unexpectedly felt cold, despite it being a hot summer day. Goosebumps pricked at your skin as his giant castle leered down at you.

The only difference was that there was no moat. No snapping sharks swimming in lava. No. It was simply automatic doors that were in between you and his domain.

The world seemed silent, a suspended notion, as time and the ones in front and behind were coming to a frozen standstill.

Your brain was rushing with questions like a rapid river racing downstream into a waterfall. Do you dare step in? Would you be immediately identified by his insane technology? Would you get kicked out by security once you were recognized?

Would he be on the lower floor level? What would happen if he was and you saw each other?

Your legs trembled, and your feet took hardy steps as if they were ready to collapse at any given moment. Your throat parched, clenching like a child twisting a colorful, plastic bendy straw. It was territory you were going to cross; someone was lowering the drawbridge for you.

Or maybe you misunderstood and might drop straight into the trenches.

You were really going to go in. To trek into his hellish arena. Holding your breath, the doors slid open, and a waft of cool A/C blasted into your face. All you could see was black, your nails burying into palms, breaking some of the skin. You took a deep breath in and swiveled until you were overlooking the active citygoers again.

“This isn't worth it. I'm not going to just rush into this without—”

Swarms of people were shrieking, pointing up at something from the side of the corporate building.

“Someone is falling! Someone jumped!”

Marginally confused, you pressed through the crowds to see what the commotion was; if somebody had leapt, surely the hundreds of spiders residing in there would've had a prevention plan for it happening. Surely.

Scooting closer, you squinted and shielded your eyes from the sun to get a better view. From what you could distinguish, it was a person in a black suit; you couldn't tell if he was running from something or not, and another figure was nosediving after them. You adjusted and cupped both of your hands on your forehead to see a red and blue suit…

That red and blue suit belonging to a distinctive individual.

“What the hell?! Mig- uh, Spider-Man! Spider-Man!” You jolted out, stumbling and bumping into others; they didn't seem to care as a waterfall of vividly bright dots dispersed in the same direction as Miguel and the other figure.

Your eyes nearly bulged out of your sockets at the situation unraveling. You couldn't possibly fathom what was going on in Miguel's head. Is that a bad guy he's chasing? It must be if hundreds of heroes are chasing after them. But why is this villain also wearing a suit? Could they have gone rogue?

You sprinted, wanting to keep up, but the surge of people intrigued to witness this spectacle was getting in your way. No matter how many times you said “excuse me,” no one bothered to budge. You tried to keep your attention on the action, but by the time you finally escaped the abundance of the crowd, he was long gone.

With a racing heart and a garbled yet stunned brain, you make your way out of the cluster and back to the park. Collapsing on the bench, your leg bounced and your brain rushed as you strived to recount what you had witnessed. Haphazardly yanking your phone out of your pocket, almost dropping it on the pathway, you hover over his name and click on it.

Is this a good time to text him? He's obviously busy with whatever he was chasing, but your worries were overtaking you.

“I'll just text him now, and whenever he's not busy, he can respond. Yeah.”

Your fingers typed faster than they ever have, asking if everything was alright and to get back to you as soon as he could. Your daily alarm for your break popped up, and you opted to hail a taxi back into work instead of speed-walking back to beat the clock. Arriving three minutes ahead, Ronnie couldn't help but lift a brow when you came hurrying into the door.

“I know you like to be here early to beat the clock, but calm down; you're good—”

Ronnie dropped a container on a nearby display table, her gaze tensely locked on yours. You were disheveled, like you'd seen a ghost or been haunted by one. She tapped her nail on the lid, waiting for you to tell her what you encountered.

Admittedly, barging in the shop wasn't the brightest idea because now Ronnie isn't going to let it go until you're forced to talk about it with her. With her hand on her hip and her finger at you, she was prepared to get you to speak when a customer asked for some service.

“I'll ring you up. One minute, please.” You thanked whoever was looking out for you, striding to the back to clock in and hop right back into work.

For the rest of the workday, you were in a cold sweat. Ronnie gave sidelong glances, but you pretended to not notice, taking every shopper that waltzed in or doing all the menial tasks. You were home free when the last person exited the building. After finishing up the rest of your cleaning and snatching your bag, Ronnie blocked your way out.

“Alright, I held it in all day. What made you nervous when you came in?” She folded her arms and leaned back on the door.

“It was nothing, just a dog chasing after me, but I got away, as you can see.” You gave a thumbs up and painted your best ‘I'm fine’ smile. “So you go ahead and rest up; I'll see you tomorrow, Ronnie.”

Taking that step forward to get the point across, she didn't budge an inch. Shaking her head, Ronnie groaned out. “I'm worried for you. You can't run in with this deathly and deranged look; then tell me it was something simple like a dog.”

“Dogs can be scary.”

“Some can, but I know it wasn't a dog. Well, unless it was a certain dog that I can't stand—”

“Ronnie.”

“Then tell me. I'm seriously worried for you. You can't keep bottling all of this up. You have to let yourself get something off your chest.”

You bit your bottom lip, your head shifting downward with the blank gaze rolling in. She wasn't going to quit; she's persistent as all hell, and it was beginning to annoy you. You really wanted to go home and be by yourself to check if he replied back, but you knew the more you held off, the less you'd be trapped.

Closing your eyes and titling your head back, a raspberry escaped. “I saw him. No, he didn't see me; I don't even think he was aware of my presence. It freaked me out more than it should; that's why I came in the way I did.”

Ronnie's downturned lips and knitted brows weren't helping your cause or mood. You hoped she was going to stop there and let you go home, for your sake. She couldn't do much to help you, as much as she wished, but with your obstinate demeanor, she might as well have been a fish stuck in the bowl.

“Alright, I won't force it out of you. But you're withering away, and you know you can't hide that from me.”

You expelled a long sigh and nodded. “I know. Have a good rest of your night; see you tomorrow, Ronnie.”

With that exchange, you carefully closed the wooden entrance and made your way home. You are fine; why couldn't she understand that? You got that ending to the final chapter, and yeah, sure, there was no epilogue or continuation that uncovered the many unanswered mysteries cemented so deep that it may even go further than six feet; at least you still were given something.

And yet, it still wasn't enough.

It's still not enough for you to let go. It's still not enough for you to forget him because you know you never will. It's still not enough for you to close the threshold on this self-battle you're facing to make something that doesn't work.

The many days that you've gone by, reciting this shitty mantras of how it's over and how you need to let him wash away with the wild tides of the ocean and you'll make it out okay, were nothing but complete and utter bull. All you've done is tell yourself lies after lies.

And you didn't make it any better for yourself.

You find yourself slowing your steps, standing there frozen, forever consuming those pergolas that want to welcome you in, which taunts you into a false sense of security of dreams and memories. The lush and tempting evocation of your first kiss or how breathtaking Miguel was next to those flowers.

You desperately had to get back home, especially when you heard your phone ping. That self-preservation of not looking was chipping away. You ran like you were competing in the hundred-meter dash, practically clambering into the elevator and into your apartment.

Kicking your shoes off, not caring where they were, you slumped on the couch and opened up your phone… To an email from some store newsletter going on about a sale.

The disappointment did crash down hard when you checked that he didn't even read the message.

“I guess whatever that person he was going after must have been a big deal.” You tossed your cell on the coffee table and went to cook up some instant noodles, lounging on the sofa, half watching some animated film, before laying down and passing out.

Day after day, you messaged Miguel, asking if he was okay. You didn't want to worry, but your brain would gun it to the worst-case scenarios whenever he didn't respond. You tried to squeeze more presumptive thoughts, such as he's busy, he's overly tired, and he's just recovering.

The delusion was tucked in all over.

Every ding was a heart attack. You would drop everything and scramble to your phone, only to be met with this disillusionment when it was some stupid email or a video someone uploaded.

You ended up having to turn off all notifications except for messages, and the only person who was contacting you was Ronnie, who was checking in.

Two days turned into four, and four into a week when you had enough horrors you were conjuring (to the point you believed you might have been dead), you were ready to call him up when you saw that all your messages had been read. Your blood boiled, but you cooled yourself. Maybe he just read them, and he's going to say something. Or maybe he's been so caught up in whatever happened that he couldn't exactly get back to you. Benefit of the doubt, you are willing to give it.

That, and you don't want Ronnie to raise any suspicion.

‘Hey, I'm just seeing if everything is alright. I know it must be madness over there for you. I really hope you're doing okay and they're not stressing you out more than before.’

You hit send, your eyes not leaving that confirmation. It was delivered. Then a minute went by. It hadn't changed. Minute two, still nothing. You were ready to give up when it switched to read.

Your heart was ready to leave your chest. Keeping a lookout for Ronnie, you glanced back between her office door and the phone. You were patient, ready for those little circles to emerge. You tapped your foot to the beat of the song playing over the speaker, nerves wrecking throughout your body.

“Come on, Miguel. Say something. Please, say anything—”

The door handle began to jiggle, and that's when you spooked yourself, sliding your phone back in your pocket, and rubbed your clammy hands on your pants. Trying to be as casual as physically possible, you pretended to busy yourself by rearranging little figures on a miniature storage rack.

“The feed to the security cameras is in my office. Remember?” She sat a bag of old electronics on the counter and ruffled her already unruly hair with her free hand.

Damn technology. Always ruining your position.

You removed your hands from the items and folded them in between your thighs. At least you didn't have to scramble to come up with an excuse for why you were acting in a weird manner.

“I'm not going to fight you over why his name was in your mouth, but just know, it's going to ruin my psychological state the more it settles. I'm letting you know now.” She vocalized in a chirpy but non-joking tone.

If she wasn't going to engage and tussle you for it, then that's the path you were sticking with. You'll tell her eventually.

Eventually.

You didn't hear your phone go off once for that entire day. You believed you might have accidentally turned it down during your panic state, and work was non-stop, swamping you enough to not even give it a quick peep. Though you were glad to have the distractions, it took away from the daydreams of what he might have messaged you.

Yet, when you got home that evening, you were met with your sided concerns, forever stagnant on that screen.

You felt yourself being reeled back into that realm of emptiness. You veered off into the void, hot tears descending down your cheeks right onto your phone.

Later that night, you blindly found yourself back on the dating app, swiping left and right, giving low-effort conversations and flirts, before giving up and pleasuring yourself with your vibrator and hand.

You had to restrain yourself from calling out his name when you got into it. It was going well, from the low buzzing to your fingers pumping in sensual yet sporadic motions. Turning the intensity up, you pressed the button one more than what you were originally going for, and the toy amplified.

Shuddering, you bit down on a pillow, stifling your moans, letting your body become free from the intruding thoughts. Then you granted that embark. That unchained will to let it wander, to let it go into a more imaginative world.

His name slipped from your lips during the venture of the moment.

You jumped, removing your fingers and tossing the vibrator at the foot of your bed. You huddled up, your knees touching your chest, as a hefty breath brushed against your skin.

Your mind was gone, and you didn't know what to do anymore.

Ronnie refused to allow you to submit back to your fallen endeavor when you returned to work after learning (she forced it out of you), you had wallowed in bed all day and eaten nothing. Taking your break with yours, she treated you to delicious ice cream, buying you both a huge brownie sundae.

“You're talking. I'm not taking no for an answer either. I'm not taking an ‘I'm fine;’ an ‘I swear I'm okay;’ I'm not accepting any of that.”

She was holding you at gunpoint. Her persistence was undeniably relentless, and the only way out was to cave in.

So you did. Merely halfway.

You excluded the details on what you exactly saw him doing; you took out a bunch of specifics regarding what was told to you that day he came by. But you did give enough that could satisfy Ronnie's needs.

From how you felt under pressure to text him to get his stuff, bits of the reason why you two couldn't be together (you had to make one up), and how you shared a kiss.

“Please tell me you didn't—”

“I promise you, we simply kissed. That's all.”

“Because I swear I would pummel him into the ground and have you...”

She took your heated silence with caution and took a huge bite of her sundae. You felt depleted by the end of it. Ronnie ended up changing the subjects, chatting about some family drama regarding changing the name of the shop and how her aunt had to be bailed out of jail for the fourth time in three months.

You mostly listened, ad-libbing here and there, as you dazed away.

There was something so funny about this whole plight. How a simple person can work their way into your life and change your everyday routine, shaping it into this ever trivial but marvelous reality. Then, one day, like a powerful storm striking down an unsuspecting town, it comes crashing into a pile of rubble. Well, at least with rubble, you could probably make out what the structure was originally; this was crumbled into nothingness that even an expert couldn't tell you.

Almost finishing the last of your dessert, you looked into the empty cup and the small scoop of ice cream and brownie crumbs on the spoon. A treat is good at the moment, and when you get to the final bite, all you want to do is savor it forever.

You don't want it to end.

You brought another one after your shift, waiting to get home to munch on it. Kicking your shoes off, you placed a record on the turntable and sat down in your main comfort zone. Feet on the coffee table, you tugged out the cursed electronic device, unlocked it, and closed your eyes.

Earlier in the morning, you sent a single message pleading for him to say anything, to relay a sign that he was okay, that he is okay. You still had your phone on silent to not psych yourself out.

With bated breath, you opened one eye, then flung the phone on the other end of the couch and ate the rest of the dessert. It was just you and the soft melodies in the back.

You gave up four days later.

You finally decided to give yourself some self-care. You gave your heart and mind the break they probably needed.

With a heavy soul and a heavy hand, Miguel was just another number in your messages. A bunch of random digits that are in your phone log.

As large, thick tears flowed down, you couldn't tell if the weight was lifted or if it harbored you down even more.

You guess you had to let time reveal itself to you, no matter how much you needed that answer now.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Tag list: @prozacgooble @sanguwuxyoonbummy @oharaslove @ella-janehaven

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