#hopus writes a fic

[hopusthebrainlessfloof]

A fanfic based on @thekoopalingsandstuffs blog! Specifically, a non-canon event where KAS canon Dieter meets an alternate version where Kaley and Beef put him up for adoption.

TW: Use of the f-slur, forshadowing of death, mention of child abandonment

The Difference Between Us

They stared at each other, their identical eyes locking through the barrier of their identical shades. Identical bandanas, identical ties, identical names... It was like looking into a mirror. A twisted mirror. They were the evil versions of one another, a selfish pervert and a faggot pansy. The latter's mind was preoccupied with an upcoming football game that weekend. The former was mentally reciting his plan for Theresa to finally "open up" to him with force. The chatter of the other patrons of Applebuzzys filled the air, but were soon muffled by the deafening silence that overcame them. Neither had spoken a word to the other. They didn't know what to say.

"I don't feel like sharing a name with a wannabe, so... I'mma call you Dee." The other bit his lip. Fine. Dieter and Dee. "So Dee," Dieter sneered as he bit into a boneless wing, not even stopping to finish chewing before resuming his thought. "Ya heard of this cute girl named Theresa?"

Cringing at the brute's lack of basic table manners, he took an awkward sip of his drink. "I know someone who used to be Theresa. He goes by Spewart now. We now live near each other after being apart for a long time." Dieter grimaced. "Yer one of them queers, arentcha?" He stared back at the former with contempt. "Whaddaya mean by that?" Dieter scoffed.

"Thinking you can change your gender and stuff. You believe in that faggot stuff?"

Hearing the slur made his blood boil. The differences between him and his doppelganger were becoming more evident. Still, he decided to resume the conversation... Perhaps it would get better as they went on? "I just do what makes him happy. Wouldn't do that for your... Partner-friend?" Dieter gave a loud sigh. "When I'm with my girlfriend, we have a good time. Don't stop to think if I'm happy, cause I already am."

Oh great, he talks in circles too, he thought to himself. "So uh... What kind of dates do you and... "Theresa" go on?"

"Glad you asked!" Dieter beamed, though it looked like a sinister smirk. Guess he always looked like an evil bastard. "We do everything... Go to games, go to watch movies, go out to eat... The only thing we don't do yet is sweet lovemaking, but I'll get her to do that soon."

The only word he could think of was "gross". The way he thought of his girlfriend, assuming his Spewart didn't discover he was Spewart yet, as an accessory and not a person... Whatever events led him to not be like Dieter, he thanked the gods for. "How are you able to pay for all that? Do you work, or something?"

"Uh, no, my parents pay for it. Why would I work?" Because I do so I can pay for my dates. He obviously didn't say that, not wanting to argue with a brick wall. Or worse, a conservative. "Just asking..." Dieter stuck up his nose, if he had a nose. "My parents give me anything I want. They're like, the best." "I can tell." He took a sip of the iced drink to cool off a bit, just talking to Dieter was making his blood boil.

The waiter came by to hand them their entrées. "What about yours? Are they as cool as mine?" He hesitated and cleared his mouth. "My dad is cool, I'd say." "What bout your mom?" "I don't have one." "What??" Dieter was so taken aback, it seemed like he didn't know what a single parent was. "Where's you mom? Did she die or something?" He humbly smiled. "No. My birth parents put me up for adoption. I was eleven. It was the last time I saw Spewart before we met again in Darklands."

Dieter thought for a bit. "That means... You're an orphan? HA! Imagine being an orphan..." This was the final straw. He called the waiter over. "I'd like a to-go container and my half of the check, please." The waiter nodded and left.

"What- Hey, what the fuck? I thought you wanted me here to discuss how cool it is to be Dieter Fitness, or something!" Dieter threw his arms to the air. "Why are ya leaving so soon?" He placed his food in the containers and wrote the tip amount before handing the waiter the cash. "My uh... My head hurts. And I don't want to get you sick."

Dieter blinked. "I guess that's fair... It would be pretty pathetic to get sick, at a time like this." He politely nodded and took his food. "Nice meeting you." "You too, I guess. Seeya, orphan." He forced a smile and left. They would not see each other ever again, as Dieter would fall to a sharp and chilling fate just two days later.