#hopingforforever

[madziez721]

Actually using this for public venting

I don’t know you. I don’t know your beliefs...but I know mine and I know that I believe in predestination, and that I believe in prophecy. 

I definitely had a vision once of me and this boy being absolutely and madly in love with each other...this boy that I have been to hell and back with. I mean, seriously. We fought for three months straight. I pulled out every language based weapon I could. I knew where to stick the knife and how many times to twist it in order to get my point and my hurt across. I emotionally manipulated him just as much as he did to me, and i always made him out to be the bad guy even though deep down I knew  I wasn’t entirely innocent in the whole thing.

He got a girlfriend and I just couldn’t take it. Turns out this girlfriend wasn’t the nicest person in the world and hurt him...maybe worse than I did and it honestly killed me. I hated seeing him so hurt. And I hated not being able to communicate that to him. Like...”HEY I HATE THAT YOU ARE SO SAD PLEASE LET ME HOLD YOU UNTIL YOU’RE NOT SAD ANYMORE.” But I couldn’t. 

He’s doing a lot better now, as am I. We both had very soul fulfilling summers...and now I find myself wanting more of him in a very different way. Like yeah, I crave physical touch. But I also just want him around all the time. Some of my most comfortable silences have been with him. But knowing that we’re breathing the same air is something I would fight for right now. Just sitting in the same space doing different things would be enough for me. That’s how I know that I actually love him. Now yeah, I want his nose in my hair, and his arms wrapped around me, but that’s not all I want anymore. I want to take up space with him.

I know it’s different this time because I don’t want to lay down my life for him, I want to achieve my dreams with him. I want him to be proud of me. I want to wake him up with back scratches every morning. I want to have a piano that we sit at that we can sing while he plays at everyday. I want a partner in crime. I want him. I love him.

Now Maddie, why have you gone on such a rant? Because my 8 followers...I have Borderline Personality Disorder. This boy came over to help me hang something on my wall and he said “But I know you like to have them all on one wall.” And this one statement of admission of knowledge sent me into this. And with knowledge that he had of me...I forgot something about him. Oh how funny the world can be. Well...idk if anyone will ever read this, and I’m not sure if I really care but...if you are reading this, hi, hello, I would love to talk to you about your life. 

[itzy-bella-23]

I don't wanna think about a moment with you, I'm kinda hoping for forever... #idontwannathink #amomentwithyou #hopingforforever #me #throughthemirror #lenses #placestogo #inthecity #havingfun #bluelife #wanderlust #mondayvibes #talkfast #outofstyle #beauty #somewhereonlyweknow #inthemiddleofnowhere #oneofthosedays #justlikethat #notlikethis #be #like #create #inspire #motivate #dream #believe #imagine #live https://www.instagram.com/p/Bs4vkJAF_zo/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=up0puyieuxbd

[unicornangeldudette-blog]

I can't sleep so imma share this pic with y'all #hopingforforever