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j0kers-light · 1 year ago

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His Lighthouse: Like I Want You (LedgerJoker x f!reader)

Like I Want You

series summary:

Y/n is an aspiring writer living in Gotham City and struggling to find her next muse. Her recent novel is getting all the buzz, earning her far more attention than she signed up for. But when a chance encounter results in her nursing The Joker back to health, will she find the time to write another best seller or will her own story become front page of the Gotham Gazette?

chapter summary:

Joker feared nothing in life except you. No matter if you said your warning in a fit of hysterics they hold meaning. Will you hold him accountable or will Joker have a chance to start over and finally learn more about his Light?

author's note:

Hello darkness my old friend!! I promise I’m not dead! I’m back with a long chapter to make up for the long wait! Fun fact it was even longer… hehe don’t you just love editing? The chapter was dragging on and it didn’t flow properly so I had to cut it. It’ll be included in the next chapter I promise kinda like a 'pick up where we left off' type deal.

Once again thank you all so much for waiting 😫😭😭 I don't deserve this much love and support!! Also please listen to Like I Want You by Givēon to enjoy this chapter to its fullest! I hope you enjoy!

A TRIGGER WARNING IS INCLUDED IN THIS CHAPTER REGARDING Y/N'S PAST WITH **** PLEASE SKIP IF THIS AFFECTS YOU!

taglist:

@blackreaderatrisk @twinkledinkle @clemdango04 @l3ejm @tears-of-amber @what-an-angel @darthjokerisyourfather @thatsnoteii @dollster @cheetahspy @kaidennnnn @urdariingdoll @motivation-idontknowher @ins0mniac-whack @spaghettificationandpretzels @reneisance @alittlesmartcookie @ninacutebee16 @carydorse

Let me know if you want to be added to the taglist!

Last Chapter | Next Chapter

Sarai was the first one to react after your mini episode.

You were still not yourself and the meds she administered weren't helping things, however; your warning was heard loud and clear.

'You hurt my friends.. and I'll never.. forgive you.'

It was a bold statement, one that the dark clown wasn't handling very well.

Sarai glanced over at Joker who had yet to say anything. He was watching you sleep while you were completely unaware to the fact that you just flipped his world upside down. It was unnerving to see him at a loss for words.

Sarai cleared her throat and tapped your IV drip hanging from the bedpost. "This'll be empty in two hours. Call me when it does."

Joker remained unresponsive so she sighed and focused her attention on your friend in the room. If Sarai remembered correctly, her name was Morgana but just in case she heard it wrong, she didn't call it out directly.

"It's my day off 'n the Fashion District is just round the way. You come with me." She zipped her bag close and waved for Morgana to follow her.

It didn't take a cryogenist to know that Joker needed some time alone with you. His thoughts were plentiful and they weighed on him heavily. However Morgana didn't read the room. She eyed the doctor sideways and stood her ground.

She promised your mother she would watch over you. "I'm not going anywhere. Y/n needs me!"

Sarai was already at the door but turned on her heel to address Morgana.

"She's sedated and I doubt she'll need anything for a few hours. Now, grab ya shoes and ya purse, we're dropping a band. Is my payment ready? Joker?"

Sarai called his name two more times yet he didn't respond.

He was still frozen like a statue, still trying to process your words. It was only after Sarai walked up to him that he blinked out of his fog and glared at her. His body language was defensive and ready to maim. He was back to normal after all.

"My payment?" Sarai dragged out.

Joker waved Sarai off like a pest. "The usual."

She faced Morgana with a wide grin, "We rich! If you need me, send for me!" Sarai shouted over her shoulder at Joker.

She pulled Morgana out of the bedroom and eventually the apartment despite the florist pitching a fit the entire way. Then, Joker was finally alone with you.

So much had transpired during the week apart he felt like he was back to square one with you.

The weekend he spent with you in Martha's Vineyard felt like a dream and so far from reality. He could never forget your beautiful smile or your soft, hesitant touch making him feel like a man reborn. He'd seen the light and experienced its power and now that same light had been snuffed out.

It was disheartening and Joker would not let it stand.

Joker believed you were somewhere buried underneath the pain and trauma of your past.

His Light, an educated bookworm who stuttered under pressure yet quick to raise her voice if someone was in the wrong. That had to be your Blüdhaven upbringing at play. You were a little spitfire in hiding.

He longed for that Y/n, the one that was slowly coming out of her introverted shell. The version of you whom he had inevitably grown to love. Suddenly, a weight lifted from his chest.

Joker could say it now. Love. He loves you.

The very meaning of the word made him feel as if he was underwater fighting against a current.Saying the word up until now made him choke up.

For so long Joker wondered, how could a person blindly love another? To willingly sacrifice everything, their very life, all to please their beloved? It didn't make any sense to him. Then Joker met you and it was sooo easy to risk it all, he questioned how he didn't believe sooner.

He thought people were stupid when they said, 'I found my person.'

He'd been around the world and seen the worst of humanity, but when he looked at you, he was humbled beyond words. If Joker was evil incarnate, then you were a goddess walking on Earth.

And woe, to whoever caused you this pain.

Your Dark Prince would burn cities in your honor. You need not worry about the misdeeds that Joker committed in order to keep you happy. All you needed to do was enjoy the spoils of war.

If keeping you in the dark kept you by his side, then so be it. It didn't soothe his conscience though. Joker thought his shady actions were just but you and your naïve view of the world, would not see things his way.

He would always be the villain in your story even if he paraded around in the sheep's clothing.

Joker could lie till the sun turned blue, but in this moment while you slept blissfully unaware, he would show his hand. Only then would he have the strength to deceive you and remain by your side. But first he needed proof that you were sound asleep.

Joker leaned forward to run his fingers down your cheek. You didn't move a muscle.

Color was coming back to your complexion in the short amount of time that Sarai administered fluids. Your body was struggling to keep up with your emotional outbursts and Joker knew that this was only the beginning to a long process of healing.

He knew you had your demons but you were so secretive about them.

Anytime your past was brought up in conversation, you found a way to dodge the subject. It was frustrating but it piqued his interest.

He deserved to know every aspect of you since he was fully invested now.

Joker felt like he should be the only one mentally unstable in this relationship. He accepted that his mind was ruined a loooong time ago but you? You didn't deserve this. You were a beacon of light, a motivation to so many, (Joker included) and without that natural source of light, he felt off kilter.

Slowly but surely, you and your inner light was changing Joker for the better and he was feeling the side effects now that you were temporarily out of commission. He didn't want to go back to the life he led before meeting you. Life had no meaning, no spark. He was just an empty shell of destruction searching for something worthwhile.

Joker couldn't go back to that. He needed his Light back.

Sarai stated it would take two hours for your IV bag to empty. That gave Joker plenty of time to confess.

He grabbed one of the accent chairs from the fireplace area and brought it over to the side of the bed. He settled into it with a sigh while his eyes roamed over your slumbing form. Morgana had tucked you back under the covers before Sarai all but dragged her out of the apartment.

Joker made a mental note to wire the doctor more funds.

The woman was a nuisance but she proved herself useful time and time again. Joker was glad to have someone like her on his payroll. She acknowledged that he needed time alone with you and got Morgana to leave the premises without drawing attention to his dilemma.

Speaking of which...

Joker cleared his throat. He had so much to say and not a lot of time left to say it in.

"I've done so much that I'll never uhh, atone for but your words Bunny.. They haunt me. I think I already broke my promise to ya, doll." He looked at your closed eyelids.

You looked so peaceful fast asleep; he felt like a coward for speaking on deaf ears. Yet his conscience would be clear if he got this off his chest.

"I-I didn't mean to but.. Florence she's.." Joker swallowed thickly.

You were asleep but in a way, he felt ashamed for what he'd done. Deep down Joker knew you would never forgive him. This would be a confession he'd take to the grave.

"I did it because I had to, Y/n. I'll do any-thing to keep you safe. To keep us safe. That's all I want. Us. T-Together. But I fear if—" Joker stopped and snorted to himself.

"No. My bunny is smart. There's no if. I fear when you find out about all the horrors I've done and uh, will do– you'll leave me. And I... I can't have thaT. Not when I just got ya."

Joker looked down at his hands and grimaced at the invisible blood staining them.

How could you stand them?

You swore up and down that you loved Joker's hands and more importantly, his touch, but the level of trust you willingly gave away troubled him. Everything Joker touched, he destroyed. How were you any different? He left nothing but pain in his wake and he didn't want to hurt you again.

You were a delicate creature in his eyes, a goddess gracing him with just your mere presence. He had no right to touch something so pure.

His hands were forever dirty. Joker's palms were calloused and he had flecks of red and white makeup near his fingers. Joker noticed his nails were getting a bit long and smirked.

If you were awake and in better spirits, you would attack them with nail clippers, making them pretty and worthy to hold, but even then, Joker still didn't see what you saw every time you reached out to hold them.

What made him worthy of your affection?

You would hold his hands as if they were precious gems and kiss each finger with the faintest brush of your lips, that it stole Joker's breath every time.

He didn't deserve such reverence on such tools of mass destruction and especially not from someone like you.

The feeling of your delicate hands slotting into his much rougher ones should be illegal but you would simply scoff at J's tsundere ways and hold them whenever you had the chance. In your eyes, you were the one unworthy to touch him.

You were the only person that touched him without a shred of malicious intent.

A literal angel came down from above with the sole purpose to torture his wicked soul with love and kindness. Joker could never fathom a way to repay you but he could guarantee that he would break your heart.

It was the kind of person he was. History always repeats itself.

He could only hope you would look past his many, many flaws and remain by his side for he would do the same for you.

So what if he was being selfish? Joker knew you were way out of his league but that wouldn't stop him from wanting you all for himself. He would do anything to change fate's design to keep the girl and live happily ever after.

As if such a thing were possible for a corrupted man like him. Did he even deserve a happy ending with the life he lived? No harm in finding out.

Joker reached out and held your hand with one of his own.

He dropped his unique speech pattern and spoke straight from the heart. He leaned down so his words could fall straight into your ear.

"Florence threatened to expose us both and they would have taken you from me. I couldn't bear being separated from you so I..." Joker squeezed your hand tighter.

It was right on the tip of his tongue yet he could say it aloud. Perhaps speaking it into existence made it real and he wasn't ready for you to know the truth just yet. J dropped his head with a bitter smile.

"You may think me a monster and that's okay. I am. But know this. No matter how much you hate me, no matter how hard you try to leave— in the end, this monster will always be by your side because.. I-I have nowhere else to go. You own me my Light. You've won."

Joker scanned your face for a flicker of alertness, but you stayed asleep. His smile was bittersweet before he kissed you softly. A monster kissing his sleeping beauty.

And oh how the mighty have fallen.

Your IV bag was half empty but Joker would wait until you opened your eyes to talk to you then. There was no other place he'd rather be so he settled in and took vigil, protecting his Light.

Joker heard you whimper just shy of the two hour mark. He set down his journal and waited for you to stir awake but much to his disappointment, nothing happened so he returned to his work.

He was underlining a great idea for a heist when you whimpered again. Joker looked over and saw that a heavy weight had settled on your brow that wasn't there before.

He watched you shift under the covers and thought maybe you were waking up but instead you mumbled something inaudible and flinched away from an unknown entity. It took him a minute but Joker knew all too well what was happening. You were having a nightmare and watching it unfold tore him apart.

He tossed his work down and reached over to shake you awake.

"Y/n. Hey, hey... bunny." His efforts proved to be counterproductive since you openly sobbed and curled into a fetal position.

As a result, your IV line stretched too far and pulled taunt on your forearm. Joker was worried that the needle would come out so he tried to help you lie back down but you had other plans. Whatever nightmare you were experiencing was traumatic and you reacted accordingly.

It came out of nowhere. One minute you were curled up like a ball, the next, you were fighting him with all your might.

Joker had to admit– you had hands, but you were causing more harm to yourself than him and somehow you were still asleep during the scuffle. He had to put an end to this.

"Wake up Y/n!" Joker shouted as he dodged your fists.

He grunted when your knee collided with his groin. Joker's pain tolerance was high but he was still a man. He grimaced through the pain and missed your eyes flying open in a state of panic.

Your head was still foggy from the pain meds but you quickly acknowledged that a male was pinning you down.

You couldn't tell what was real and what was just your nightmare; the only thing you could do was react the same way you did well over a year ago.

"G-Get off of me, Ty! Stop it!"

Joker froze the moment you yelled another man's name.

He quickly flipped the two of you over so you were the one in control but he didn't let you go.

He couldn't let you fight this alone. Although he didn't know what to do, he decided that talking you through it was somewhat of a good idea.

"Shhh shhh doll. Hey, uh.. do ya remember when I took you to the uh beach? You wanted to err— 'hear the dark ocean waves crashing onto the shore and feel the stillness of the night embrace you.' Buh-lieve me, it sounded wayy better comin' from you. I thoughT you were crazy for wanting to go at nighT but you madeit sound so.. normal. I wanted to experience something normal with you."

Joker noticed that you stopped fighting him so he kept going.

"You were uh, happy just dancing in the moonlight, so carefree and beautiful. I never took my eyes off ya and how could I? You're perfect, my light in the darkness, my.. everything. I'd do anything for you, don't ya know that doll? Say the woo~oord and it's yours, remember?"

Joker cradled the back of your head and you could hear his heartbeat while lying on his chest. He was just as nervous as you were. You clung to Joker's shirt tighter and whimpered.

Joker saw that he was winning you over and took things a step further.

"I'm gonna rub your back in uhh, circular motions mkay? Tell me to stop and I will."

You were afraid that Joker would make fun of your fragile situation but instead he took the time to alert you of his intentions. That had to count for something yet the doubt still lingered.

You squeezed your eyes shut and tried to clear them away. This was Joker, he wouldn't hurt you.. right? There were so many unknowns floating inside your head but Joker called out your name in that unique tone of his dragged you out of the fray.

His hands gently landed on your back, making you tense on reflex. "This okay?" He asked.

A man who never asked for permission a day in his life, offered you that courtesy. With a shaky nod, you allowed it.

"Yeah? All-rightY then. I'll go slow buT... ya gotta talk to me. What's goin' on in that pretty head of yours, bun?"

He left a kiss on the crown of your head and rubbed your back in soothing figure eights. The rhythm made your eyes fall half mast but Joker stopped before you could fall under.

He drummed his fingers against your spine and it startled you awake. "Use your words, pretty girl. Tell me."

"Please, don't make me relive that." You begged.

The finger drumming stopped and you risked a peek at Joker. His shriveled up heart tore into two seeing a river of diamonds running down your bronze cheeks.

Someone hurt his Light and they would pay but first he would do his best to dry your tears. He can't bear it whenever you cry. Your tears would be his undoing.

"Relive what, Y/n? I never know what's going on with you. Who's this Ty person, hmm? I can kill him for you.."

You froze. You couldn't believe that you uttered that name for J to hear. Maybe if you backtracked Joker would forget and move on.

"N-No one. Just forge—"

"Stop. Dodging. The. Question! Morgana told me what happ-ened last night and now you're reacting like this?! You can't hide from me anymore. I neeeeeeeeed to know what happened.."

Joker shifted a bit so he could catch one of your tears with his index finger. There was genuine concern etched on his face that left you speechless. You never wanted Joker to know but he wasn't going to let this go. He was just as stubborn as you are.

He started to list off your drawbacks.

"You fear a man's touch. You have anxiety and social triggers. You run away from anything stressful, and d__n it Y/n! Just tell me what happened. I won't jud—"

"NO!"

Joker arched an eyebrow at your sudden outcry. He'd only known you a few months but you weren't a person to raise your voice at others.

"Nooo no no... no, you'll h-hate me if I told you!" You choked out a sob and Joker was quick to pull you back into a hug. His warm embrace was the perfect remedy despite the circumstances at hand.

"I could never hate you! What makes you think that Y/n?" He vowed while squeezing you tighter.

Joker had his suspicions on what happened to you but he kept it to himself. Morgana offered to spill the beans but he felt he should hear the truth directly from you. For so long Joker questioned your odd tics and mannerisms and today they finally held meaning.

You created some space from him with a sigh and Joker knew whatever you were about to say would change everything. You couldn't look him in the eye anymore.

With tears dotting your lashes, you finally broke down and told Joker about your past.

"Because why would you want someone's leftovers?"

"Uh leftovers?" J echoed. You sat up in Joker's lap and sniffled.

You never told anyone what truly happened that fateful night– not even when your parents begged you to make a police report, but the moment you started talking, you just couldn't stop. The truth was finally coming out and you felt indifferent to it all.

You wrapped your arms around yourself and began.

"His birthday was coming up and I didn't want him to be more upset with me. He was already mad because I didn't get him anything so we decided last minute on a movie. Some trashy romance flick that I couldn't tell you the title of to save my life. In hindsight, I realize that he practically threatened me to go. He knew what he wanted from me."

"The movie was fine until he got handsy halfway through. I said no. I said no all night... He slapped me, called me a f__king cocktease when I refused to suck him off– so I left. It should've been simple.. Give Ty a day or two to cool off but he always apologizes. He had a temper but he never meant to take it out on me. He always apologized because he... loved me. Or so I thought." You shivered.

"That night was different though. He was so angry that I made a scene walking out and we had already fought the day before about me moving to Gotham to kick off my writing career. He wanted me to be a stay at home wife. Heh, marriage was never brought up in a conversation he just... assumed that I would be with him forever. If only I had known just how controlling he really was. By the time he showed me his true colors—"

You chuckled while blinking back your tears. Joker wanted to reach out and wipe them away, do anything really to comfort you, but your next sentence stopped him in his tracks.

[ Do NOT read further if sexual assault/rape affects you. The end of this section is marked if you wish to skip it.]

*** TRIGGER WARNING STARTS NOW ***

"He followed me out into the alley behind the theater. I made it to the sidewalk, but he grabbed my hair and dragged me back into the darkness. He s-slammed my head so hard into the brick wall, I lost consciousness. I came to and scratched at his face so he broke my arm. And the b-broken jaw was because I-I was too loud. If I had kept my mouth shut like a good girlfriend, he wouldn't have to be so rough, he said. It still aches when it rains, which is all the time, but it's whatever I guess."

Joker's gaze fell to your jaw as if he could find evidence to your assault well over a year later. He did notice on heavy rainy days that you would rub your jaw in pain.

He thought nothing of it until now.

It also explained why you were so quiet during sex. You were punished for being too loud then and feared making a sound now.

The puzzle pieces were slowly snapping into place and Joker felt sick to his stomach for being so blind.

"W-When you love someone, you trust them not to h-hurt you." You didn't see Joker's guilt torn face as you said that. You carried on unawares. "He broke that trust so I made the decision to escape from the pain he was inflicting."

"You dissociated while he..." Joker whispered.

How long had you bottled this up? Months? Years? Joker didn't want to know the answer.

He inflicted pain on others simply because it was amusing; nothing bothered him, but hearing the accounts of a traumatic assault from an innocent creature like you, it truly broke his heart.

Now he understood why you always ran when things got too dicey. It was your coping mechanism. Running kept you safe and you couldn't break old habits.

Joker regretted asking you about the past. Some things were best left in the dark.

"I'll never get his voice out of my head. He praised me for being so tight. I was choking on my own blood and b-bleeding internally from each agonizing thrust, and he.. thanked.. me for being... He knew I loved praise and used it against me! I lost a piece of myself that I'll never get back all because he thanked me. C-Can you even call it rape if you cum? How could my own body betray me and enjoy something so barbaric?"

You fought back tears and furiously wiped away any that emerged. When you felt strong enough, you continued.

"It took months to physically mend myself back together but my mental wounds will never heal. I tried to move on and start dating again but..... he was always there. Every date, every hookup, every attempt at sex, was ruined with the thought of him and his touch. Eventually I stopped trying. I accepted the fact I was broken and focused on my work and nothing else. I lost friends but I didn't care. I moved to Gotham City to start anew and haven't looked back. I was existing but not living– that is until you came along."

*** TRIGGER WARNING HAS ENDED ***

Joker looked up in shock. He had been quiet for the most part but hearing his name during your story was a shock. "M-Me?" He pointed to himself.

You exhaled sharply and grabbed Joker's hand.

He watched as you played with his calloused fingers and frowned when you noticed the length of his nails. You picked at a jagged edge as you replied.

"Yeah.. you. You aren't normal and after what I've been through, I craved your um.. brand of different I guess? You don't care that I'm someone else's leftovers— a girl who's afraid of being touched. When I'm with you.. I-I can be the Y/n I was before I was r-r.. um assaulted."

You intertwined your fingers with Joker's and glanced up at him. He immediately returned your stare. "Please tell me you won't leave m-me. N-Now that you know."

Now Joker knew where your separation anxiety originated from.

So many fools before him left you high and dry while you were trying to heal and they unknowingly scarred you further. Joker saw the sheer desperation in your e/c eyes and vowed to be different.

He would not make the same mistake they did.

Joker didn't say a word as he leaned forward to grab a hold of your face.

You jumped at the unexpected contact but his eyes are what scared you the most. They weren't filled with pity or disgust; Joker's vivid green eyes glowed with nothing but acceptance.

Joker's clown makeup took away from the sight but his genuine smile was still a sight for sore eyes. It made yours widen in shock.

"Where else would I go, hmm?" Then he heard his favorite sound in the world. Your laugh.

It wasn't the light and airy bell like tone he was used to, but it'll do given the circumstances. You leaned into Joker's calloused hand that cradled your face with a half smile.

"There she issssss, there's my Light! You thought that would scare me off? Nah, that's nothing. Pfft. I've done far worse sweetheart." Joker thought the joke came out well but he felt the moment you tensed up.

He wanted to kick himself when you leaned away. "What?"

Joker's brain was working in overdrive on how to retract that statement.

In your fragile state, the last thing you needed was to discover just how much of a monster Joker truly was. Thankfully the sound of your stomach growling saved the day. He sighed in relief when you became flustered and covered your belly.

The last thing you ate was a plate of sweets and now your body was craving real food. You filed Joker's eerie words away for later to focus on your body's needs.

"I doubt Dick left any food but it won't hurt to check." You flung the covers away to stand but you were literally yanked back by your IV line.

You glared at it in shock. It was then you noticed that you were tied to the bedpost.

You prayed that you were just reading too much into things. There was no way that Joker would deliberately tie you to the bed. He had no reason to yet your heart started to race when he remained silent.

'I've done far worse sweetheart.' Was this Joker's way of showing you his true colors?

"J, what the..."

He smacked his lips and began the tedious task of untying your line from the headboard.

He tried to ignore your bugged out eyes watching his every move. You had just finished explaining that your rapist ex was controlling only to find out your current lover tied you to the bed.

He'd kill Sarai for her dumb idea. Who ties a medical IV bag to a bedpost anyways?!

It didn't matter who was truly at fault, in your eyes, Joker was to blame. He was making mistake after mistake and really setting himself up for a trip to the doggie house or worse. You just might kick him out of your life for good.

Once the line was loose, he focused on removing the IV needle. Sarai advised him to call her but Joker wanted as much privacy with you as possible. He just hoped he was removing it correctly. At least it didn't bleed as much when he took out the needle. You grimaced more from his touch than the removal process.

He wondered how long it would take for you to trust him again. He missed touching you so freely already.

Joker slapped a band-aid that matched your skin tone on the entry point and stood up.

"You're uh wel-come to join me in the errr kitchen. Do ya need help gettin' there?" Joker ideally wanted to carry you to the kitchen or at least spot you along the way but you were still wary of him.

He would be stuck asking for your permission and doing frequent check-ins for the unforeseeable future.

Not that he minded but it would become repetitious after a while. Just because you and Joker were on the same page again didn't mean he was out of the neck of the woods. He didn't want to overstep any boundaries and risk starting things over from the beginning.

It took too long for Joker to craft the trust he formed with you and he would not let your ex ruin his hard work.

Maybe some food would do you some good. The fluids and pain meds could only do so much to get you back healthy. Although Joker now knew that your mental health was an issue there was no way he could help you there.

"N-No. I think I'll be fine. Um, can you fix me a plate while I'm in the bathroom?" You weren't quite sure why you turned down Joker's assistance but watching his shoulders deflate made you feel ten times more guilty.

Joker was trying to help in the only way he knew how.

You didn't move from the bed and Joker got the message. You wanted some privacy and so with a mute nod, he made himself scarce.

You waited until Joker left the bedroom to breathe a sigh of relief. You quite literally got something off your chest. You'd been bottling your trauma for a year now and parading around like everything was fine was not good for your mental health.

Joker was the only soul who knew the severity of your assault and he didn't leave like so many partners did before him.

He was okay with you being a mess and that alone made you crack a smile that quickly faded away. Being a mess was not something to celebrate. You were tired of pretending. Maybe it was high time to stop joking about it and actually schedule a therapy appointment.

Your mother was probably giving Him all the Glory if she knew you were serious about seeking professional help this time.

If you remembered correctly, Mom gave you a list of psychologists from Blüdhaven and another list that practiced here in Gotham City after you moved. You nodded to yourself and set about getting up so you could go to your room to search for it. Then you could make a quick stop in the bathroom on the trip back.

The covers were still flung back so you swung your legs over the bed and stood up, only to stagger back onto the bed when your balance failed you.

Perhaps you should've taken Joker's offer to help. You'd been bed ridden all day and your equilibrium was completely out of whack but you suffered through worse.

You toughened through it and walked down the hallway to your bedroom, quickly closing the door behind you.

Joker heard the door echo in the apartment and sighed. It was a distinct sound that rattled his nerves. You were in your room and there was no telling if you would emerge.

For now, all he could do was prepare a plate of food and hope you joined him in the kitchen.

In the meantime, he called Mac and Frost and took care of some business. You walked into the kitchen right as he was finishing up a phone call with Mac.

"I don'T care. Follow her so we don't have another repeat occurrence. Uhh she's with Sarai, find her on your own."

Joker spotted you hesitating in the archway and hurried Mac off the phone. "Yeah yeah just do your job and have fun."

Joker hung up and grabbed a small pot off the stove. He pointed at the island counter and you obeyed the silent request.

Your kitchen remained the same as you remembered it but now Joker was buzzing around it and doing a great job of fixing you a plate. He found your causal china from the cupboard and loaded a plate up with a generous helping of baked beans, a generous slice of Dad's BBQ meat, and he was currently raking some warmed up greens onto the plate. You doubted you'd eat all of it but the gesture was there.

Joker was concerned about you.

He set the pot back on the stove before pushing the plate across the island counter towards you. "Eat." He spun around to yank the silverware drawer open. "Uh hold on.."

A fork was presented to you along with a napkin or two.

You arched an eyebrow at Joker being so at ease in your kitchen but dug into your food with gusto. The flavors had time to set overnight and it was a literal party in your mouth. You felt the energy recharging your body and you did a small happy dance in your seat.

You looked up when you heard Joker snort.

He was leaning back on the sink with his arms crossed, staring at you. There was a softness in his eyes that you never seen before. He looked like a lovesick puppy and sported a dopey smile on his lips.

It sent butterflies stirring in your stomach but you pushed down the feeling and slowly ate under his watch. You were blowing on a forkful of food when he suddenly spoke.

"We should go out."

The beans on your fork dripped back onto your plate. Surely he was kidding. You downplayed the obvious. "Out? Like o-outside on the balcony?"

Joker fixed you with a deadpan glare. He grabbed a fork of his own and stole a bite of your greens. You looked on in disbelief at the amount he took and definitely not at the juices running down his chin provocatively.

He was making a show of chewing them, "Mmm that's good but uhh.. no. Out as in... I take ya out on a date." He smirked at your jaw dropping open. He felt cheeky so he scooped up some beans and fed them to you.

You jumped back last minute and had no other choice but to chew them as Joker spoke.

"Lemme spoil my Light rotten so you can see what I see. A beautiful goddess walkin' amongst us. Whaddya say pretty girl? Wanna go on a date with me?" Joker flashed you a smile.

"I.. but you.." You stuttered. Joker played along with your lack of excuses.

He twirled his hands in a circle, "But whaT, Bunny?"

"You seem to forget you're a wanted criminal with the entire city on the hunt for you! We can't just go out! I mean... what if you get caught or um.." You stared at the concrete poured countertops as if they held the answers you needed.

Joker laughed and propped his elbow up on the surface. He was glad to know your only reservations were about his safety and not about being in a foul mood to go out.

He drummed his fingers on the counter and shrugged his shoulders.

"So? I wanna take my girl out. That's a uhh, risk, I'm willin to take. If you don't wanna go just say so. Orrrr is it something else holding you back? Don't wanna be seen with me? Is that it?"

You were quick to deny, "NO! That's not it! I-I.. it's the other way round! I'm not worth all the fuss, Joker."

Joker growled and smacked his hands down, causing the plate and other items on the counter to rattle briefly. You flinched when he rounded the counter to tip your chin back.

Joker knew you were still skittish with physical touch but he couldn't help himself. He brushed his lips against yours so you could feel the honesty dripping from his lips.

"An author I know once penned. 'Let it be known all across Greece, that I, a lowly human, cherish and bow before the feet of a goddess. Should she smite me here and now, I will undoubtedly perish as a satisfied man.'"

Hearing Joker quote your books was like a shot of tequila without a lime.

It spoke to how much he valued you as a person and as an author while still paying homage to his burning desire for you.

His shaky sigh fanned over your face and you closed your eyes from the intimate contact. Your instincts were screaming at you to run run run, however you were a woman and a very attractive man was declaring his devotion to you. You stayed rooted in place.

Your heart skipped and you licked your lips, unknowingly swiping Joker's.

"Happy." Joker was confused until you finished your sentence by correcting the book quote. "Sebastian said he'd perish a happy man, not satisfied."

You panted in the space between Joker's mouth and yours. He was so close it hurt.

"Same thing." Joker shortened the distance and captured your lips with a groan. How long had he starved himself of this pleasure? A week too long.

You tasted so sweet and felt so soft– a literal treat for a man touch starved. He couldn't stop himself from grabbing you by the waist and hoisting you up on the counter. Joker didn't part for air and you clung to him tighter.

Your legs naturally parted to allow Joker room to step in between them and you wrapped your arms around his neck to deepen the kiss.

Where everyone else was closed off, somehow it felt right to let Joker in. Despite your fears and unresolved trauma, you could trust Joker with your body.

You could tell he was holding back (you swooned at his self-restraint) and a part of you was grateful when he pulled back. It was too much too soon.

He leveled his breathing and rested his forehead against yours, "Y/n, you're worth everything. Let me do this, hm?"

You gazed into Joker's eyes. This meant a lot to him although your current level of confidence couldn't grasp why. You just had to blindly trust that Joker had your best interests at heart.

"Okay."

"Okay... what?" He pressed. He never broke eye contact with you which didn't help you think straight. You could drown in his sea of moss green.

"Um, y-yes I wanna go on a d-date with.. with you."

Joker looked like a kid in a candy store. He couldn't stop smiling and almost kissed you again but backed away at the last minute. He saw you breathe a sigh of relief and knew he made the right decision.

"Ya won't regret it. Now! Let's spoil my Bunny rotten shall we?" Joker bopped you on the nose.

Just what did you sign up for?

It was impossible for someone with your skin color to truly blush but you could feel your skin boiling with all the attention Joker bestowed you.

He encouraged you to wash up and change into something that was easy to get in and out of before ushering you out of the apartment. You ended up in a pair of beat up sweats and one of his shirts. You were giving bum city realness and felt like it too.

Joker also changed to blend in better– if being disguised as a sexy mafia boss was his definition of 'blending in.'

Every female in a fifty mile radius eyed Joker like the piece of meat he was. The sad part, he knew he looked fine and fed off the energy.

He wore another delicious all black suit with gold cufflinks and a matching watch on his arm. He walked with a purpose and kept you safely tucked in the crook of his arm.

Male and females glared at you in envy as this mysterious male guided you into Gotham City's elite boutique. You were embarrassed to say the least.

You only been in here once to browse around for your American GreatRead's award dress before Cindy hooked you up with a custom designer.

Only celebrities and the upper echelon of Gotham City dared to step foot into Tashio and Joker dragged you in here in your beat up house clothes.

You and Joker hadn't made it a foot into the store when a woman with beautiful ebony skin strutted over. "May I help you two?"

Joker took off his shades to inspect her more closely. He was forced to keep his mask on lest everyone see his scars but his presence still commanded respect. You were amazed at how he slicked his hair back so the green streaks didn't show. It was slowly fading and he didn't bother dying it back since he knew you loved his natural hair color.

Just another way he was changing himself for you.

"Yes. My girl and I are going out tonight. Black tie. There's no limit and don't listen to her suggestions, she's errr modest." He nudged you forward so the saleswoman could take a look at you.

You almost snapped your neck to glare at Joker.

"What's that supposed to mean?" You gritted.

The woman got straight to business. "Understood. Any preference of designers sir and will the two of you be matching? Oh, and what's your size?" She spoke to you directly at the end but Joker replied on your behalf. "No, yessss, and she's a...."

Joker paused to look you over. You bashfully looked away as his eyes roamed over your curves.

If anyone else stared at you in such a way you'd be disgusted, but Joker's lustful gaze made you feel desired and a touch confident. He locked eyes with you as he spoke.

"She's a (insert dress size)." You knew he was smiling underneath his face mask. The cocky clown was right..

"Will you be staying for the fitting? Sir?" The saleswoman cleared her throat to get his attention. "Excuse me sir?"

J's gaze was still on you when he replied, "Mhm." He didn't catch the saleswoman's smile.

"Very well.. Please, come with me." She waved the two of you further into the store and asked for your name. You complimented her bantu knots and her striking blue eyeliner and she in turn admired your work in literature.

And of course that launched a discussion about your novels. You could talk for hours about your work.

By the time the three of you reached the actual showroom, you were perfectly at ease. Joker noted how your demeanor mellowed out around women and decided to fall back to give you some space.

You hardly noticed his absence. You still had no clue where Joker was taking you tonight except that it was a black tie event.

Kendra, your styling consultant, sat you down and asked you questions while her assistant ran around to stock a private room with the choices that you unknowingly made so far.

You ruled out anything short and in your least favorite color and Kendra listened attentively while making mental notes of your preferences based on your answers.

You were surprised by how seamless the whole process was especially when Kendra informed you she already had some ensembles picked out for you to try on. You passed by a gorgeous pair of shoes on the way to the fitting room and she assured you that she would also assist in picking out any accessories and shoes to go with your final selection.

Joker was making due on his promise to spoil you.

Speaking of the clown, you finally acknowledged that he wasn't with you. He must've disappeared while you weren't looking. Hopefully he stayed out of trouble while you shopped around.

Kendra was explaining the store's wide collection of designers when a commotion on the floor gained her attention.

"Sir! Can you please return that to its original display?!"

Both you and Kendra turned to spot a redhead running behind Joker, who was carrying an entire mannequin over his shoulder like it was a normal occurrence.

You facepalmed as Kendra chuckled at the sight. She waved her co-worker off. The redhead was miffed but stormed off with a grumble under her breath. This is why she liked when men left the store.

Joker set the mannequin down once he reached your side. "I li-ke this one." He said.

Kendra didn't have the heart to tell the man this design was a display only. Her fingers were crossed that they had your size still in stock.

"Good choice sir, she'll look amazing in Valentino. Would you like to try it on, Y/n?"

You glared at Joker for his lack of manners and studied the gown. You were worried about your chest behaving, or rather, not in the off the shoulder gown.

"Uh it's beautiful but.."

Joker hummed and tugged the material down. You gasped the same time Kendra fixed her mouth to scold him.

"It has a built-in bra Bunny. The uh.. girls won't go anywhere you don't want em' to." He let go of the gown and shooed you towards your private room. "Go try it on."

Your ears were redder than the dress and Kendra did her best to stifle her laugh while following you back to the fitting room. She excused herself to go check inventory (thank the gods they had your size left!) and returned to help you in it.

Just like Joker said, your cleavage wasn't a problem. You stared at your reflection in the mirror and twirled absentmindedly.

"Your boyfriend has good taste."

You stopped twirling to stare at Kendra. She was smiling and didn't know the weight of her words.

"Not many partners stay for the fittings let alone make good selections. He's a keeper." She fixed the seam around your arm as you stared off in thought.

Is that what you and Joker looked like to outsiders? Like a couple? You bit your lip to stop your smile.

"He's not my boyfriend." You denied. Kendra scoffed.

"With the way he looks at you? The devil is a lie and denial is a river in Africa. You may be delulu, but that man is down bad for you. You look good girl. Do you want to show him this one?"

You were most definitely in denial. There was no way that Joker would commit to anyone let alone you— especially now since he knew about your past, but you begrudgingly nodded at Kendra.

However a knock on the door interrupted you. The same redhead from before poked her head through the door.

"Sorry Kendra but your client asked me to send these two in. Said something about his goddess needed to try them on. He's not feeling the red anymore." She rolled her eyes before handing your consultant two more gowns for you to try.

It's like Joker read your mind; you were a bit indecisive and needed more options.

Kendra thanked her colleague and unzipped the dress bag open to reveal a high collar teal gown. It was a pencil silhouette and looked very chic on the hanger.

You were hesitant but stepped into the dress only to turn your nose up as the fabric accented your curves a little too much.

You saw Joker's vision here but you weren't feeling confident in it. Kendra noticed your displeasure and didn't bother fastening the buttons near the neck. "Let's try the next one shall we?" She politely deflected.

She knew you too well for someone you just met. You let out a heavy sigh and stripped to your bra and panties again.

Joker meant well but what if you didn't find anything to wear to his surprise date? You probably tried on a dozen gowns, each one more gorgeous than the last, but none of them felt right.

Kendra carefully held a deep indigo number for you to step into. The second it glided over your skin, you broke out in goosebumps. The rich color looked divine on your darker skin and once Kendra zipped it up and you saw the dramatic ruffles, you knew.

She had a feeling this was the one too and smiled as she smoothed and tucked the gown a certain way to earn your approval.

You had yet to stop smiling at your reflection in the mirror. It was dramatic and elegant and you felt glamorous while wearing it. It would stand up perfectly with Joker's dark suit tonight.

"I-I wanna show him this one." You murmured. Kendra agreed and gave you a pair of sample heels to walk in.

The door opened and you walked down the short hallway and turned the corner to find Joker sitting on a couch, fiddling with his watch. He was blowing a raspberry but felt a presence in the room. His jade eyes immediately locked on you and then his heart stopped.

He was utterly speechless. You played with your fingers before clearing your throat.

"D-Do you like it, J?" Nervous was an understatement as Joker stood up without a word.

He came to a stop in front you and pulled his mask down far enough to kiss you right there on the showroom floor.

You jumped at the initial contact but let his lips dance across yours. Joker's lips were like satin to the touch despite his scars and you firmly believed he kissed you differently every time you lips met his.

You forgot you were in public when he licked the root of your mouth with his tongue.

You shoved him away none too gently. "J, stop!" You hid your shaking hands behind your back and glanced around.

Kendra had her back turned– pretending to straighten a display dress on its hanger better and no one else was in the nearby vicinity. Joker pulled you right back in his embrace. He felt you trembling but pursued his goal.

"So? Let them.." He kissed your cheek, "Mmm, let them see.. just how much.. you're wanted." He said in between pecking your face.

It was light and innocent, nothing heavy to rattle your nerves but you still grimaced each time Joker's lips came in contact with your skin. You hated how quickly your mood changed.

Joker was always mindful of your body language and pulled away to fix his mask back over his mouth.

You didn't shy away from Joker as a person per se, but rather at the fact he was wasting his passion on damaged goods. You still felt lesser than. That would change by the end of the night.

Joker sighed to himself before waving Kendra and her assistant over. If they saw anything, their poker faces were stone cold.

Joker shoved his fists into his pockets and nodded over at you.

"Get my Light some uh proper heels to wear and drown her in jewels. Gold she uhh, looks the best in gold.."

Joker watched you rub the back of your neck. "I want her hair and makeup done too. Uh, I'll be back."

Once Joker issued his requests, he stepped away, leaving you with a smug Kendra and a clueless assistant calling the inhouse hair and makeup crew so they could expect your arrival.

Kendra offered you a napkin to wipe your face. Did the man have to slobber all over it? At least he wasn't wearing his clown makeup.

"I thought he wasn't your boyfriend Y/n?" Kendra snickered.

You snatched the napkin out of her hands. "Oh shut up." The both of you shared a laugh.

Joker stepped outside to make some calls to ensure his plans for the night went off without a hitch.

It was a bit of a risk to be out in public– especially where he was taking you, yet one he was willing to take if it helped boost your confidence. Your self esteem was at an all time low and you were having thoughts that weren't befitting the new nickname he wanted to test out.

He wasn't lying when he said you were a goddess meant to be cherished and worshipped.

Tonight would be a mere glimpse of what he would do for the rest of your life— if you'll have him.

He lit up a few cigs in between calls and before he knew it, time had gotten away from him. Joker stepped back inside to check on you.

A lady on the showroom floor said you were finishing up with makeup so he took care of the bill while he waited. You wouldn't let him hear the end of it if he didn't actually pay.

He was eyeing a display case of designer handbags when an employee cleared her throat to get his attention. Joker sent her a sharp glare over his shoulder.

Something about those abnormally green eyes frightened her. "Ahh uh.. she's.. your date is ready s-sir."

He loved scaring people, that would never change no matter how closely he embraced the light.

Joker followed the associate to a waiting room although he didn't have to wait for long, you were already walking in like the ethereal deity you are.

The dress by itself was stunning but in his absence you donned a pair of drop earrings, your wrist was adorned with gold, and the hair team did a phenomenal job in taming your curls. Your hair was beautiful on a normal day but they combed out any knots and let it cascade down in its natural curl pattern. It was elegantly styled but pinned back to allow your jewelry and natural beauty to be the main focus.

If you wore makeup they did an outstanding job highlighting your natural features.

If you preferred a more natural approach, Joker smirked at the subtle lip gloss on your plump lips. He wanted to kiss it off but all in good time. The next time he claimed your lips he wanted you to be a willing participant.

You declined a handbag since you left the penthouse with only your keys and phone in hand and Joker was currently carrying both for you. Imagine your surprise when you discovered your evening gown had pockets. It was a blessing from above that it was the one for you.

All in all, you looked breathtaking and you had an ounce of confidence to yourself.

You walked over, smiling faintly at Joker. He was ever the gentleman, bowing at the waist and kissing the back of your hand before offering you his arm.

The employees who were gathered looked on in awe. It was something out of a fairy tale, the two of you looked so perfect together! If only they knew it was the infamous Joker who was spoiling you and not some average guy.

As if you wanted a normal man after being with Joker.

You giggled to yourself as J escorted you out of Tashio's and towards a car waiting on the curb.

A driver held the door open and you slid inside with Joker following behind you. "Are ya hungry, Bunny?" He asked as you got settled.

You urged him to put his seatbelt on and he did so with a dramatic roll of his eyes. The things he did for you.. First he legally pays for a service, the next he wears a seatbelt. Would you somehow convince him to file his taxes next?

If you asked, he'd consider it.

A few hours had passed since leaving the apartment and it was nearing dinner time. You had worked up an appetite after shopping and then sitting in a hair stylist chair for so long.

"Yeah dinner sounds good."

Joker played with your chain bracelet as the car drove off to his plans for the night. His special surprise burned inside of his pocket but he would wait until a better time arose to present it to you. He didn't like your prolonged silence though.

He hoped you weren't thinking negatively and digging yourself into a funk. "Hey," Joker called your name.

You tore your eyes from the traffic outside the window and met endless pools of green "Hm?"

"You ok?" He asked.

You grabbed Joker's hand, intertwining it with your own and admired the color contrast. Joker didn't care that his tan skin clashed with your darker brown, he was too busy celebrating this mini victory.

You initiated physical contact with him. He was overjoyed when he kissed your hand and you didn't flinch.

"I will be." 'Now that I have you.' You thought the last bit to yourself.

His gaze never left your face until the driver announced the two of you had arrived. You were curious and excited to see why Joker had you all dressed up. He stepped out of the car first and turned around to help you out.

Your heels clicked as they settled on the sideway in front of a tall stone building alit from within.

Then it all made sense why you were dressed to the nines.

You heard about the place but never knew where it was located. Another Michelin star restaurant hidden in the heart of The Bowery district with a ridiculously long wait list and allegedly, a menu well worth the wait.

You had no doubt that Joker threatened someone, (or worse) to get a table on such short notice.

Joker watched your eyes sparkle in awe as he guided you inside the restaurant. He stopped at the hostess booth to whisper something in their ear but you were distracted by the ambiance.

You were quick to notice that the space used to be an old ballroom but was converted over time into a restaurant.

The ceiling still had its picturesque artwork and elaborate crown molding but the pièces de résistance was the live tree growing in the middle of the room. Its branches provided a much needed element of greenery amidst all the glamor and acted as a natural privacy divider for the surrounding tables.

It defied all logic by thriving amongst marble and stone and a massive two story chandelier hung above it, casting an ethereal glow on the healthy leaves and the people seated below it. The place was filled with magic.

You turned your head when a male appeared and addressed you and Joker.

"Ahem, your table is waiting."

He patiently waited for you and J to follow him. On the far side of the room, a giant spiral staircase winded up so close to the chandelier, you could reach out and touch the glass beads. Joker grabbed your wrist before you could.

He didn't want you reaching too far over the railing and risk hurting yourself. You were way too clumsy for your own good.

The second story of the ballroom overlooked the restaurant below and you were stunned by the more intimate seating available up here.

Unlike downstairs, each table was spread further out from the others by vine dividers, giving a guest the feeling of a space all to themselves. Joker made sure his table was well off from the others so he could remove his mask in peace.

Not like anyone could see him with the soft candlelight casting shadows everywhere but he wasn't about to take any chances.

The waiter presented the private area with a flourish of his arms. The tablecloth was stark white and fine china sat overtop along with candles, fresh flora, and silverware– ready to enjoy. There was a perfect blend of elegance and greenery that matched the restaurant's overall aesthetic.

Joker glared at the waiter who tried to hold a chair out for you. Joker waited until he was gone before removing his mask. Then you finally got to see his scarred lips tugging up in a smile.

You sat down and let Joker push you towards the table however; you jumped when he left a kiss on the back of your neck. Joker mumbled out a sorry right as another water approached the table with a pitcher of water.

He poured you a glass and handed you and Joker menus, "Welcome to Eden. I will be your only server tonight."

He nodded at Joker and you surmised that J paid him off.

Not many people could stomach seeing Joker and his scars or turn a blind eye to a known fugitive being out in public. The NDA check must be huge.

You opened the menu and scanned it over. Everything sounded delicious but you couldn't decide what to get even after the waiter walked off to give you some time.

You glanced over the top of your menu at Joker. He had yet to look at tonight's selection. He couldn't take his eyes off of you and sent a lazy smile your way when you caught him staring.

Your ears were burning with how much he made you flustered. You fiddled with your earrings and focused back on the menu until Joker spoke up.

"Get whatever ya want, Bunny. If you don't li-ke it.. I'll uhh, give it to your security." You tilted your head in confusion so he elaborated. "You can't see them but four men are guarding us right now sooooo order whatever you wanT."

You shifted in your seat and coyly glanced around the room.

No one looked out of place in the posh atmosphere but you knew Joker wouldn't lie about something so serious. You hadn't forgotten about that mysterious envelope from the beach house.

Someone had Joker spooked and he wasn't about to mess around with your safety. It meant everything to him. Unfortunately it was another thing to worry about. As if you needed more stress on your plate.

You shook your head and read a promising entree but your attention was distracted by Joker's fingers playfully walking around the white tablecloth getting closer and closer to you.

You bit back a smile and glanced at J who was having a grand time playing around. The candlelight cast a glow on his tanned skin that made him more handsome than usual. You rested your hand on the table and he wasted no time brushing his pinky finger against yours.

Joker's jade eyes darted up to your e/c eyes. "Whatcha gettin?"

"Huh?" You were expecting him to ask you something else, not that. "Oh.. uh I don't know yet."

In seconds, Joker snatched your hand up into his hold and fixed you with a heated stare. "Need some help, doll?"

How was his hand so warm or maybe why were yours so cold? You barely nodded but you saw Joker grin. Nothing got past his perceptive eye.

He leaned over and pointed out some good choices and really sold you on what to order.

For all you knew, Joker was the head chef with how he explained each entree and he painted a clear picture of what you'd get if you ordered it. You decided on an appetizer while your main course cooked and Joker ordered something you couldn't even pronounce with a glass of dark liquor.

You didn't know Joker drank but he polished off the glass– not once letting go of your hand.

He never let go, even when the first course arrived. Joker surprised you yet again by dragging your chair closer to his.

"This okay?" He asked after seeing you tense up in your seat.

You were fine being across from Joker but now you sat side by side. Your bare leg brushed up against his suit and it made goosebumps break out over your skin. This was Joker, not your ex. You had to trust J and give him a chance. He didn't deserve to be iced out for someone else's mistakes.

That was the mantra you told yourself as the waiter returned to refill the glasses with water.

You and Joker shared the appetizer over light banter and he caught you up on what he did for the last few days. He was leading up to his trip to the jewelers and what he purchased, when the main entree arrived at the table.

You missed Joker's irritated growl but the night was still young. He had plenty of time to show off the gift he bought you.

You were about to start eating but Joker took your utensils and cut up your main entree for you. It was an odd gesture but Joker wasn't deterred by your confusion. He just patiently waited until you opened your mouth to feed you.

"How does it taste?" He asked in between bites with that raspy tone you knew all too well.

It stirred up butterflies in your stomach and made you feel wanted but it was neither the time nor the place for such emotions.

The food lived up to its coveted reviews. No wonder people waited months to a year for a reservation. Each morsel melted in your mouth and had you craving for more.

You didn't know how Joker fed you and still had the time to eat himself but he was not playing around with his whole, spoil you rotten agenda.

Who knew being fed could be so hot? If anyone else tried such a thing, you would be insulted but because Joker was the one doing it, it was sensual and thrilling. He watched your lips each time you accepted a bite and the little hums you made were driving him insane.

And when he (purposefully) missed and got a bit of sauce on your face, he groaned watching your tongue dart out to lick it clean.

He wanted to do that but he didn't know if he was allowed to.

You let him hold your hand all night but there was still a wary gleam lingering in your eye. He kissed you back at your apartment with no issues but when he kissed the back of your neck at the dinner table, you jumped. Your mood changed like the wind. Joker honestly didn't know how to approach you after discovering the truth.

He didn't want to scare you but he wanted you so bad. How could he seduce you when you were hardly in the mood?

"J? D-Did you hear me? I asked if I could order dessert." you called his name again to get his attention.

He must've lost track of time while thinking. You were gazing up into his candlelit emeralds waiting for an answer. All the plates were clear of food and Joker wondered how he failed to notice such a crucial detail..

You said his name again and squeezed his hand. J was quick to reply. "Uh yeah. Do ya know–"

You cut him off, "I want the Gotham City style cheesecake with a raspberry compote and um c-can you get the tiramisu? I wanna try it and.. the macaroons." If only you were this decisive when it came to picking dinner.

He chuckled to himself but flagged down the waiter to put in the order. "Say the woo~ord and it's yours, Goddess."

The new nickname punched you straight in the gut.

Joker was distracted but you still stared at him in disbelief. He didn't use a nickname that he didn't think was befitting of you and that fact made you tear up. Even after knowing the truth, he still held you in such high regard.

Joker was finishing up ordering your trio of desserts when he heard the one sound that could bring him to his knees. The sound of you crying.

The candlelight highlighted a tear rolling down your cheek and he quickly wiped it away to preserve your beauty. He was about to ask what was bothering you when you spoke up.

"D-Don't say it if you don't m-mean it.." You shook your head. "I can't take it if you don't mean it."

So you heard his new nickname for you. Joker felt now was the right time as any.

Joker kept silent as he reached into his pocket and pulled out a box. It was wrapped in your favorite color with a big white bow on top.

"What... is this for me?"

Joker nodded mutely and pushed it closer to you.

He wasn't giving you anything to go on so you were left to grab the box and tear it open. An official Jacob and Co. box was inside and you popped open the lid only to gasp seeing the custom jewelry inside.

"J..." You marveled at the tiny gold lighthouse with a real diamond serving as the beam of light cushioned on black velvet. You were going to read out the inscription along the base but Joker beat you to it.

"My Light in a sea of darkness.' You can doubt all you want but there's no mistaking what you are to me. You're my Light, my goddess. What more could I ever need?"

You were at a loss for words, staring into Joker's sincere gaze. He didn't stumble or stress any syllables; his words were raw and meant to soothe your soul with their honesty.

His smile was faint when he stood up to fasten your new necklace on. It was cold at first but it settled perfectly on the swallow of your collarbone. He nodded to himself seeing it on you and his fond grin caused more tears to form.

You probably looked ridiculous crying in the middle of a ritzy restaurant but it was all you could do after such a declaration.

Right as you were parting your lips to speak, an orchestra on the main floor let a few test notes float through the air. The last thing you were expecting was live music and Joker smirked at your bewildered face.

"Would ya like to dance?" Joker asked, changing the subject.

It took you a few seconds to recover. "I-I... I didn't see a dance floor."

The orchestra began playing a sultry instrumental and you noticed a few couples making their way down to the main floor to dance. You were cross on if you wanted to go although Joker was already reaching for his mask to cover back up.

"Sweetheart, we're in a ballroom you can dance anywhere buuut my question is.... Do you want to?" He stood up and straightened his suit. Who was this dapper man? It couldn't be the same Joker that terrorized Gotham City daily.

Joker really transformed into a different person when he was with you. You were the only soul who would see him this way. He put so much trust in you; it was high time you returned the favor.

Your dessert was soon forgotten as you placed your hand in Joker's.

He guided you down the stairs towards the main floor where a designated area was cleared away. The musicians were mid song when Joker led you into the crowd.

You stumbled in your heels as Joker swept you up into his embrace. You were nearly eye level with the madman with the added height and Joker loved the newfound connection more than anything. However there was a mischievous gleam in his eye that gave you pause.

A new song began, one you quickly recognized. Your head shot up to stare at the musicians playing. There was a mixture of ethnicities so it was plausible they were current with various genres and artists but still..

It wouldn't be hard for Joker to put in a request when you weren't looking.

Joker paid you no mind as he swayed you gently in between the other couples. You were speechless when Joker began to hum the lyrics with confidence.

You didn't know that Joker could sing. He didn't look the type yet he constantly surprised you. His voice reminded you of the old crooners that your uncle used to play on his record when you used to visit.

"They don't make music like this no mo Y/n/n!" Uncle Cedrick obviously never heard Givēon before. New artists were making classic tunes sound more and more popular these days.

Somewhere in between the intro and the first verse, Joker decided to sing along and let the lyrics take hold. He looked so sure of himself yet he stumbled on a line when he noticed that you were staring.

He spun you further away from the crowd so you could hear him serenade you better. His voice floated into your ear like honey.

But I can't make a scene, but I can't make it seem

Like I want you...

Even if it's true...

Even if it's true.

You panicked when Joker let out a shaky sigh and dropped his head in the crook of your neck. There was no way you were mistaken here. "Joker?"

"Shhh. Just..." He moved your hand to rest above his heart. More tears blurred your vision when you felt Joker's heartbeat.

It was beating like a drum.

Sometimes he wished you knew but he could disguise the truth for as long as it takes. Were you really so blind to Joker's feelings? And you called yourself a romance writer. Your radar was supposed to be impeccable on picking up love!

The chandelier overhead twinkled down on the two of you like diamonds and it felt as if no one else was in the room except you and Joker.

You were broken, damaged goods and Joker originally believed he was incapable of love, yet he found the will when it came to you. He waited so long for something good to come his way and finally– he had it.

You might think otherwise but Joker knew you were absolute perfection in his eyes. You were worth the wait. In time you would open up and love him unconditionally. He knew that now.

It was selfish and wrong of him to pressure you into anything. If he did then he'd be no better than your ex. The last thing you needed was history to repeat itself. What you needed was time and space to heal.

Joker nodded to himself and regrettably let you go. You were confused when he stopped dancing and looked away.

"Mm, your dessert is probably at the uh table. Let's head back."

He was shutting you out and that would not do. You put your foot down and tugged on Joker's wrist. He looked at you with an arched brow.

You didn't care that you were in the middle of the ballroom.

You were tired of Joker changing the subject at the drop of a hat! You were tired of being sheltered from your pain. It was time you accepted it and finally moved on– moved onto someone better. You were not going to let Joker walk away.

It was time you threw caution to the wind. The song was ending and your heart echoed the lyrics Givēon sang.

But if you really love me, say it now.

You shortened the distance and cupped Joker's face. He hated that he shied away from your touch. He didn't want to get his hopes up if you were just reacting to mend his hurt feelings. He wanted you to be sincere with your affection.

"T-Take me home, tell me in the space we created– but. Please don't give up on me when I need you more than ever. I-I.. I need you, J. I do."

You clung onto the back of his neck and urged him to bend down. You couldn't rest your forehead against his until he leaned down to your height. He did and you locked eyes with him right there on the ballroom floor.

Your eyes pleaded with Joker. They spoke a thousand words you were so afraid to speak aloud. He searched your colored eyes for a glimmer of hope and found so much more.

It was then you had the pleasure of seeing a man like Joker break.

His eyes fluttered closed and it took everything in his power not to fall to his knees in front of all these people. All in due time, but first he had to get you home.

He made an odd motion with his hands and in seconds, he was whisking you towards the exit. You squeaked in shock and you barely kept up with Joker's long strides.

"J, w-what about the bill?! M-My dessert!"

He growled and pushed the restaurant doors open. The temperature had dropped the past hour or two that you and Joker were indoors and your bare arms shivered once exposed to the elements.

Joker shrugged off his suit jacket and gave it to you. He had a crazed look in his eyes as he waited on the curb.

"Don't care. I'm takin' ya home." He shot you a heated glare, "You'll get your dessert, Princess."

You couldn't recall the last time he used that nickname but it made a smile break out over your face and a liquid fire seep into your core.

It had been too long since you felt a burning desire spread all over. You couldn't lie. You were a little scared but this was Joker. He wouldn't do anything you didn't want. And you wanted him.

A black unmarked car screeched to a halt near the curb. It was hardly in park when Joker yanked the door open for you. "Get in, Bunny."

You knew once you got inside there would be no turning back. You could do this and so with a deep breath, you embraced the unknown.

There was enough sexual tension brewing in the elevator to fuel a bomb.

Surprisingly, Joker behaved himself during the ride back to your apartment yet he practically chased you to the main elevator the second the car arrived at the lobby drop off.

You could only run so fast in heels yet you beat Joker inside.

You broke out into a smile as the elevator doors began to trap you inside with the clown. He tossed a lecherous grin your way and was seconds away from jumping your bones, when the doors slid back open and one of your neighbors walked in.

She did a double take at Joker but quickly recovered to smile at you. Her eyes widened even more after taking in your elegant ball gown.

"Oh wow Y/n! That dress looked stunning on you! I hope you enjoyed your night."

She mashed the button for the ninth floor and brought attention to the time glowing on the panel. It was nearing eleven pm. You hardly noticed that it was so late.

The elevator lights glinted against your jewelry and caught her eye. "Aww that's so cute! It's a little lighthouse. Do you like the beach or something?" She gestured to your necklace.

You laughed awkwardly, "Oh I've only been once but I loved it."

Joker chuckled under his breath and gained your neighbor's attention.

She eyed him up and down but kept her thots to herself. She'd never seen you around with a partner before but sheesh, you knew how to pick em. The man was so fine, he should be illegal.

She dragged her eyes away from Joker and back over to you. "Really? Just once? What was your favorite part? I love sunbathing myself."

Of all the neighbors in the building, why did miss blabbermouth known for her lengthy mindless chats have to board the elevator tonight?

You knew Joker was probably thinking a million and one ways to kill the poor lady. Hopefully he could steady his hands for a few more levels.

You thought back to her question and frowned. You couldn't remember anything remarkable about the beach. You loved it for different reasons.

Mainly the way Joker took you so passionately in the sand or how the light from the rotating coastal structure illuminated his raw beauty for only you to see. You couldn't tell her you didn't visit the beach during the day like a normal person.

Your visit to the beach was memorable because of your carnal escapade with Joker under the stars.

Joker declared you as his Light, the same namesake that now proudly hung from your neck. You couldn't tell her any of that so you made something up on the spot.

"I um, I liked the heat? It was... hot. Sweltering."

Joker failed to stifle his laughter and your neighbor glared at the both of you sideways. Such an odd answer..

Thankfully the lift arrived at the ninth floor and she ended the idle chat. "Alright then, well enjoy the rest of your night, Y/n. Oh and don't forget! We have the next tenant meeting coming up this week! Bring your friend."

She winked at Joker but he could care less. His eyes were glued on you.

The elevator doors closed and resumed its ascent to your private floor. It was so quiet in the metal box, you could hear your uneven breathing.

You glanced at Joker out of the corner of your eye but he was frozen like a statue. You honestly expected him to jump you the second your neighbor was gone but since when was Joker predictable?

Your focus was on the floor indicator as it displayed the tenth floor. Almost there..

Joker waited until you least expected it to make his move.

It was concerning yet electrifying to know you were alone with Joker, completely at his mercy. The lift was passing the maintenance floor when Joker stepped behind you to inhale your unique scent.

His nose faintly brushed the sensitive skin along the nape of your neck and you shivered. Then his hot exhale disturbed the hairs on your neck. He was doing all of this on purpose.

He wanted to torture you, it was the only explanation for the tumultuous tease that was Joker kissing you right where the clasp of your necklace met your skin. You swore his teeth tugged the chain a bit, when the doors dinged open.

The air was getting way too stuffy so you stumbled out as quickly as you could.

Joker's chuckle echoed in the short hallway to your front door. He took his time strolling behind you like a predator and patiently waited as you fumbled with the keys. He lost count how many times you dropped them or missed the keyhole entirely.

Eventually you unlocked the door, however you didn't venture inside. There was an unspoken command in the air not to. Joker was glad that you heeded the warning.

Joker's hand covered yours atop the doorknob. You were frozen in place as he bent down to whisper in your ear.

"When you walk through that door.. you're mine. There's. No. Going. Back. Anything you want, I'll give it to ya but you have to ask for it. If it's uh, too much, say the woo~oord and I'll give you more. Tonight's about you, only you.. buT, I gotta warn ya. I will be selfish and take and take... and take."

You whimpered when Joker nipped the curve of your ear.

The sting was nothing compared to the heat pooling in your core. You surprised yourself with how aroused you were and Joker had yet to begin. It was as if he could tell just how antsy you were. His sudden burst of laughter was strained by his lust.

"Are ya ready for that Y/n? I won't hold back. I uh... well I don't think I can." He pressed you further into the door with his body and you felt his erection dig into your lower back.

"Do you want me?" He asked while kissing your shoulder.

You could do this. All you had to do was open the door.

No more pretending, no more running away when things got too intense. You had to fully participate this time and not drift off into a headspace. Tonight you would give all of yourself over to a man known for his maddening greed. It was scary; however, you were oddly enthusiastic.

You wanted him to have it all. To have you.

You turned the doorknob and walked into your foyer with a madman hot on your heels.

#ledger joker x reader #ledger joker #joker x y/n #black!fem!reader #reader insert #joker x reader #heath joker #romance #heath ledger #cross posted on wattpad #cross posted on ao3 #soft!joker #yandere joker #angst #long reads #trigger warnings #Spotify #dark knight joker #his lighthouse

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