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dreamalittletudordream · 6 years ago

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The Tales of FD (as Told by an omniscient Tumblr God) Part 1

Inspired by @duchessbusybody and her seminal classic For The Love of Henri comes part one of my own take on the woman Tumblr knew as FD. Keep in mind this is a parody of Anti-Kate and Anti-Meghan tin-hatters, so anything that sounds negative for these two is a reference to them, not my actual opinions (ex: Doria’s fake name is a reference to the anti-MM crowd thinking Doria practices Voodoo without considering the racial implications).

The Tales of FD (as told by the omniscient Tumblr Gods)

Part 1: The Woman of the Millenia

There once was a woman named Fameadverseandinitfortherightreasons Devoidofapastoranybreachesofprotocol, or FD for short. A most special woman, whose birth had been prophesied from tabloids to Tumblr. Born in Britain when all the planets aligned, FD entered the world in the most peculiar of circumstances.

You see, dear reader, our FD was born between two worlds. On one hand, her mother, Lady Totallynotasocialclimbingpeasent, came from the noblest of bloodlines, with blood so blue her father was almost elected king of Estonia. However, her father was a humble bricklayer, barely passing the benefits threshold. While her mother could have been a great heiress, FD learned the wonder of charity when the family fortune was used to pay for her family’s wide array of mute relatives. As such our FD was forced to live a middle-class life, shopping at Tescos and saving up for new clothes (only British designers, of course).

Even without expensive clothes, FD’s natural (and surgically unenhanced) beauty shined through. Modeling agencies often remarked that she looked like Princess Diana, Princess Margaret, and Princess Grace, only with better hair. While she had numerous offers to pursue modeling, acting, or other vapid and unregal careers, our FD wanted to work a serious and respectable job.

In addition to her astounding looks, FD was a certified Mensa genius and Rhodes scholar from an early age. As such, she got accepted into Cambridge for a dual degree in Politics and Psychology, where she waited tables to earn her own pocket money (and never walked half-naked in a fashion show, we swear). When she graduated (top of her class, obviously) she knew she would put her degree to work, immediately being accepted for a job under the Secretary of State as their top aide. While such a job would be demanding for most, most people are not FD. With her ten minutes of spare time, she founded several charities, including the world-renowned BetterthanK8s Mental Health Initiative, which FD single-handedly ran.

You might think a beautiful, intelligent, and successful young woman like FD would have been on a date once in her life but, dear reader, you’d be wrong. See our heroine, a strict Anglican, was saving herself for the most special of men. Unlike Mrs. Socialclimberflightattendant or Ms. VodooQueenbuttotallynotinaracistwayweswear, FD’s mother hadn’t taught her daughter to be “The Mattress” or “C-List Prostitute to the Stars” but a discrete virgin worthy of any man. So, when FD walked into Buckingham Palace wearing her not black, British designer (but not too expensive) dress weighted to prevent a Marilyn moment, she and her under 3-inch heels had no clue what was in store.

#prince harry #british royal family #royal fandom #royal fanfiction #fd #future duchess #parody #satire #Tales of FD #hopefullythisgoeswell

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