#hopefully this helps anyone else that can only view the game via play throughs

[blissfulalchemist]

Soooooo because I wanted to save the lore of the side missions for this game for my own purposes, because I feel it adds to it, I figured I might as well share if I'm putting in the work and maybe it'll help someone else out there! So have (eventually) all the side missions for FFXVI. It is a personal pet project of mine and I hope to keep up with my own schedule of uploading a few videos on the weekend. So please enjoy and let me know if anything crops up or you can't see any of the videos.

[gondowan]

Darling, Dearest, Dead

Pairing: Matsukawa Issei/Hanamaki Takahiro

Issei thinks he really should get a straight answer from Takahiro about his three dead husbands, but it’s really hard to think when said person of interest- the one he’s had feelings for since high school- is sucking his soul out through his cock. 

Tags/Warnings: mutual pining. happy ending. post-time skip. confessions. blow jobs. two idiots in love. this is kind of angsty but has a fluffy happy ending i promise lol. I’m all about The Yearning you know?. oc death off-screen.  

Word Count: 4,084

Notes: I set out to write a pwp but ended up with 4k words of feels?

The television is on in Matsukawa Issei’s tiny office at Peaceful Hills Funeral Home. Space is always a premium at a mortician’s, more so if you��re the owner and sole employee of said funeral home, trying to get it to stay afloat. It’s not like Matsukawa can just stack the dead on top of each other, or tetris them to create more space, no. Doing so would be disrespectful. When Matsukawa isn’t busy attending to family members of the recently deceased or embalming, he does all of his paperwork in a tiny, cramped fire hazard of a broom closet, with the television as his sole companion. Matsukawa never minded silence, but well, when you’re surrounded by dead bodies, sometimes you just need a little background noise.

His cigarette is lit between his lips, rapidly turning into ash as he stares blankly at the television, enraptured by the story unfolding in front of him.

POLICE CITE NATURAL CAUSES IN DEATH OF SHIPPING MAGNATE YOSHIOKA HIDEKI.

Yoshioka Hideki, owner of Yoshioka Shipping International, aged 54, husband to Yoshioka Takahiro, nee Hanamaki, Matsukawa’s best friend and the love of his life. As soon as they graduated, Hanamaki had packed his bags for Tokyo, citing an urge to get out there and just try out life in the big city. Matsukawa stayed behind in Miyagi, finished college, and completed his mortician apprenticeship, the first of many milestones in his adult life, alone. Oikawa had gone to Argentina, chasing his dreams of volleyball.  Iwaizumi, although he would never admit it, was doing his best to position himself to cross Oikawa’s path again.

In the cold bitter nights when Matsukawa is behind on work and pulling long hours, he always thought Hanamaki would be there by his side, but he pushes those thoughts away. No amount of regret ever changed the past, no amount of wishing ever changed the future.

If he’s happy, that’s good enough for Matsukawa.

---

The first time Hanamaki told Matsukawa he was engaged was when he was visiting Tokyo to see him, a year after Hanamaki had moved. Matsukawa thought they were going to hang out, just like old times, so when he opens the door of the fancy apartment (how did Takahiro afford all this?) and an older man answers the door, Matsukawa puts two and two together. He attends their elopement as their only witness, feeling the dual bitterness of losing someone and mourning the friendship he thought they shared.

The second time, Hanamaki casually drops the news over the phone as Matsukawa is signing a contract. He falters, and ink splatters over the page. He’ll have to reprint it and start over. This time, Hanamaki elopes in Bali, and although he extends Matsukawa an invitation, Matsukawa knows better than to go.

The third time, Matsukawa finds out via the news.

---

“You either need to tell him or get over it,” Iwaziumi says, stubbing out his cigarette in the tray between them, ever the realist.

“That’s rich coming from you, Hajime.” Matsukawa sneers. He doesn’t mean to be rude to Iwaizumi, the man has been there for him for so long and is really only verbalizing what Matsukawa knows on the inside, but he can’t help it. “Let me know when you tell Oikawa how you feel.”

“I’m about to, actually.” Iwaizumi says, crossing his arms with a sigh. “I’m headed to Argentina soon. I’m going to tell him.”

Matsukawa is stunned. He figured Iwaizumi would’ve preferred to evaporate on the spot rather than admit his feelings to Oikawa.  “I...I’m happy for you,” he whispers, “I know he feels the same.”

“We’ll see won’t we?” the shorter man says, an undercurrent of nervousness in his voice, a fond look on his face.

The two get married the following year, a beautiful ceremony on the Argentine beach surrounded by family and friends new and old. The ceremony has an added effect of bringing Hanamaki back into Matsukawa’s life, and they rekindle their friendship over a series of extremely alcoholic margaritas and questionable decisions in the hot Argentine nights. Matsukawa will take what he can get, because Hanamaki seems happy with Yoshioka-san, and as long as Makki is happy, Matsukawa can learn to be too. That acknowledgement doesn’t do anything to fill the hole in his soul, but it does soften the pain just a little. Hanamaki never talks about his husband or anything related to his romantic life past or present, and Matsukawa doesn’t ask. Ignorance is bliss.

---

Matsukawa’s cell rings, disturbing his reverie. He doesn’t even look at the screen before answering.

“Yoshioka-san.” he murmurs, as if it doesn’t hurt each time he has to call the love of his life by another man’s name.

“It’s back to Hanamaki now, Issei”, the voice on the other end of the line is cheerful, playful even for someone who just became a widower for the third time.

“I…” Matsukawa falters and the condolences he had prepared dies on his lips. Hanamaki always had (and continues to have) the stunning ability to catch Matsukawa off-guard. When they would play three-on-three practice games at Seijoh, Hanamaki always gave Matsukawa the most trouble. And just like that, Matsukawa slips back into his old ways, Hanamaki’s name rolling off his tongue like it belongs there, if only he would let him. “Takahiro...how are you doing?”.

---

It’s quite difficult to surprise a mortician in regards to anything having to do with death and dying, but from over a thousand miles away, Hanamaki manages to do just that.

“Let me get this straight, you want to ship the body to Miyagi, again?” Matsukawa sputters. He’s on his third cigarette of the phone call, and there’s too much information for him to process—the death of his best friend’s third spouse, the feelings he’s never addressed, the hurt that’s simmered in the back of his mind that Hanamaki left Miyagi, it’s a lot. I should’ve gone to therapy, the wayward thought has floated in Matsukawa’s mind, but he’s still not ready to face the music.

“Makki, people are going to think that you’re offing these people to help support your best friend’s funeral home.” he jokes.

The question from the last two times lingering on his lips, “You didn’t...have anything to do with their deaths did you?”

The pause before Hanamaki answers stretches a little too long for Matsukawa to be comfortable with.

“Isn’t that what friends are for?” Hanamaki finally says, completely sidestepping the question, the teasing tone in his voice still very at odds with the current circumstances, “Anyways, I’ve arranged for the body to be flown overnight to Miyagi, you just need to pick it up at the regional airport. We can talk about additional arrangements and such after you pick it up.”

“Makki I don’t—”

“Please, Issei?” he pleads, and Matsukawa gives, like he always does.

---

It’s raining softly as Matsukawa parks his car at the airport, the clammy yellow lighting reflecting off the new wax job he had just gotten. While he would’ve liked to drive a flashier car around, a van is just easier for all the transport he has to do, and the hearse is really only used for special occasions (and draws too many eyes). It’s not as if he’s driving dates around anyway or has anyone to impress, so discreet soccer mom van it is.

He checks the time and walks into the lobby. It’s usually a straightforward task, picking up a corpse from an airport. Matsukawa just needs to show the proper ID and his mortician’s license, check that the body is properly labeled and identified (wouldn’t want to take the wrong body back), and load it onto a gurney. If he’s lucky the body has been refrigerated, if not, well, hopefully the recently deceased Yoshioka-san is in an airtight container.

The woman at the Peach Airlines counter looks way too peppy for the hour of day. She confirms his ID and walks into the office to retrieve the container. Matsukawa excuses himself to use the bathroom, and when he walks out, the body has been brought out.

What Matsukawa doesn’t expect however, is the man waiting beside the casket. His breath catches as he allows himself to savor the view in front of him. Hanamaki is dressed simply in a black coat and patterned slacks, looking more formal than Matsukawa has ever seen, strawberry brown hair cut neatly in a way that frames his face perfectly. There are some lines in the corner of his eyes that weren’t there before. Hanamaki is a vision in the dim light of the airport, even as he shifts awkwardly next to his deceased husband’s casket.

It’s 10 PM Japan Standard Time on a cold rainy autumn night, and Matsukawa is still in love.

Thankfully, he manages to compose himself before Hanamaki spots him, and his face breaks out in the most beautiful smile that Matsukawa has ever seen. Before Matsukawa can say anything, Hanamaki folds him into a hug. There’s a strange desperation there that Issei has never seen in Takahiro before, he can feel the tension radiating off the other man’s body, in the way that his hands clench at Matsukawa’s coat. Grief? Relief? Matsukawa isn’t sure.

After a long minute, Hanamaki finally releases him, his hand lingering on Matsukawa’s waist for just a tad longer than appropriate. “I missed you,” Matsukawa says simply, unsure of how else to vocalize the well of emotions he’s gone through the past few years, everything he’s wanted to say but could never find the right time to. I’ve missed you so much it hurts. I’m so in love with you. I think about you all the time. I’m hurt we aren’t as close as we used to be.

Hanamaki looks at him with an expression that Matsukawa can’t quite place, “I’ve missed you too Issei.” There’s a lingering there, like he wants to say something else, but he doesn’t.

“Shall we?” he pipes up, the happy-go-lucky mask sliding back over his face. “Can’t just leave a body out in the open like this.”

Matsukawa nods.

---

“Issei...you drive a minivan?” Hanamaki says, as if that is the strangest thing out of this whole situation.

“Had I known you were coming with, I would’ve brought out my Maserati,” he jokes as he opens the door for Hanamaki, the body safely secured in the back.

Hanamaki rolls his eyes as he settles in, “I’ll bet you get all the chicks in this hot rod.”

There’s only one person I want to bring home in this car.

“Oh, so many. Chicks love it when you tell them you haul dead bodies in the back. It does wonders to the libido,”.

Hanamaki laughs, a genuine one that brings a smile to Matsukawa’s face, “I’ll bet.” He puts on a high falsetto, “Matsukawa-san, take me now, right here on the floor of this van where you’ve just hauled Uncle to his final resting place. I must have you, you stupid sexy mortician of a man”.

Matsukawa starts the car, “So you think I’m sexy Makki? Is that it?”.

“Never said you weren’t.”

They drive back in silence as Matsukawa turns that statement over and over in his mind. Hanamaki, true to his form, falls asleep as if this is just another late night. He’s still fast asleep when Matsukawa pulls up to the driveway of the funeral home, the streetlights casting a soft glow on his face. In sleep he looks younger, and Matsukawa is reminded of late nights when they would study together. Hanamaki always fell asleep first, as if he were chasing after something in his dreams.

---

He’s still asleep as Matsukawa unlocks the door and pushes the body into the refrigerated section of the home. Matsukawa is lost in his thoughts at the absurdity of the situation, Takahiro, his best friend, a three-time widower, is asleep in his car while Issei tucks his dead husband into the fridge. What the fuck.

His reverie doesn’t last long however.

“Boo”.

Matsukawa jumps as Hanamaki suddenly grabs his waist.

“Jesus Makki I—“

“Gotcha~” he says in a singsong voice. “You know, this is the first time I’ve been here,” he remarks as he looks around, taking it all in.

“Which is odd, considering you’re now a three-time client.”

Hanamaki shrugs, “I require the best of the best.”

“I’m sure there are better and more established funeral homes in Tokyo than my little place,” Matsukawa scoffs. He really needs a cigarette. Or a break. Maybe both. This is all too much to handle.

Hanamaki runs his hands along the desk, “Maybe. But you built this place from the ground up. All by yourself,”.

Matsukawa knows better than to say what’s on his mind, but he can’t help it. It’s been stewing for so fucking long that he needs to get it out. He may as well get closure now, here, as they stand in front of Hanamaki’s dead husband. “I wanted you by my side you know.”

The other man chuckles, clearly misinterpreting the weight of what he just said, “Right, we’d be like Gomez and Morticia Addams, two partners running a funeral home.”

“If you mean being married and running a small business side-by-side, yeah.” It’s a crude confession, not at all what Issei thought it would be like. Matsukawa thought he’d always have some flowery thing to say to Hanamaki when he finally did confess. Something sweet like the profiteroles that Hanamaki loves so much. He didn’t want to confess in the sterile white lighting of the storage room of his funeral home, to his grieving best friend. Hanamaki deserves better than that, he thinks, but it is what it is.

It all spills out of Matsukawa like a torrent. “I’ve been in love with you since before our last Spring High. Every fucking day I’ve wanted nothing but to hold your hand and kiss you. I thought…I thought after we graduated that we would live a boring normal life together while Iwaizumi and Oikawa run around the world,” he scoffs, trying desperately to chase away the wellspring of tears in his eyes. When did he become so emotional? Years of pining will do that to a man, he supposes.

Hanamaki gapes at him like he wants to say something, but Matsukawa doesn’t relent, words just keep spilling out of him. “It’d be boring by their standards but it would be our kind of boring you know? The dumb kind where we go out for ice cream at 2AM, or fall asleep on the couch,”. He runs a hand through his hair, grasping desperately.

“It hurt so much when you moved away…when you got married and I didn’t even know you were dating someone. After…after the first time I tried to date, tried to get over you, but no one can hold any candle to you in my life.” Matsukawa’s breathing is jagged, jagged like his heart. It feels like he’s trying to talk while running.

“I just…I love you so much Takahiro. I’m in love with the crow’s feet on your eyes that weren’t there before, the way your hair frames your face, your stupid humor, your laugh, how you always try to do-it-all and I just…I..”

“Every time I see you, you bring me to my knees,” he whispers.

Hanamaki doesn’t say a word, not that Matsukawa leaves any room for him to speak. He just closes his eyes. By the end, Matsukawa’s head is spinning and he’s pretty sure he just fucked it all up, but somehow, he’s also relieved. Relieved that he finally got it off his chest. Iwaizumi was right. The whole time, he’d been carrying this burden for so long he doesn’t know what it’s like to not have it, like a lovesick Atlas who doesn’t realize that he could just shrug off the burden and stand up straight again.

“Say something.” Please.

Hanamaki says nothing, just walks up to Matsukawa in bold, self-assured steps. He reaches for his face and Matsukawa flinches, actually flinches, at the touch.

“We’re both idiots, aren’t we?”

Before Matsukawa can say anything Hanamaki reaches his hand to the back of Matsukawa’s neck, pulls at his tie, and kisses him. Issei is pretty sure he’s hallucinating but fuck Hanamaki smells so good, looks so good up close. He takes Hanamaki’s face in his hands, deepening the kiss, nothing on his mind except a litany of yes yes yes.

As they kiss, Hanamaki pushes Matsukawa towards the desk. Matsukawa doesn’t mind, all that he can think about is how badly he’s wanted this, how long he’s waited, how fucking happy he feels. He’s so dizzy with want that he doesn’t even remember where he is, all that exists currently is the feel of Hanamaki’s lips on his and his hands around Hanamaki’s waist.

Hanamaki breaks off the kiss, thumb running over Matsukawa’s cheek before he goes for his neck, pulling open his tie, fumbling at the button on his collar. When he can’t get it open fast enough, his hand wanders further down.

“Makki—wait I—”.

“Shut up.” He says as he drops to his knees, “Can’t tell you how long I’ve wanted this.”

Wanted this? Wanted Matsukawa? Issei thinks he might need hearing aids or something, but that thought is wiped out as Hanamaki takes his cock out of his boxers and licks a long, wet stripe along the underside. The groan that escapes him is embarrassing and he grips the edge of the desk for dear life.

“Look at me Issei.” Hanamaki murmurs, pressing a kiss to the tip.

Matsukawa swallows, fluttering his eyes open as he looks down right as Hanamaki takes all of him into his mouth. Had he been a lesser man, he would’ve cum right then and there like a schoolboy. Instead, Matsukawa wills the last of his lucidity into being.

“F-fuck, Makki no—”

Hanamaki looks up at Matsukawa from his knees, a look of shock on his face and an undercurrent of dejection in his plea “You don’t want…?” You don’t want me? Is the unspoken thought.

Matsukawa grits his teeth as he wills himself to pull back, “I do Takahiro, you have no fucking idea how much I want you but no, not here. We need to do this right.”

It’s then that Hanamaki seems to snap out of his daze and remembers where they are. “Oh...oh right, fuck. Uh...let’s go home?”

Matsukawa sighs in relief as Hanamaki gets up. “Yeah..home.”

---

When they get back to Matsukawa’s apartment, he brings out two beers from the fridge, and sets them down on the coffee table.

“Hiro...before we do anything, we should...talk”.

Hanamaki sighs, taking a deep swig, “I know...I owe you that much.”

He fiddles with the label on beer. “The first two times, I needed money, and one of the part-timers suggested this website. I made it clear from the start that it was purely transactional, but I was so afraid of losing everything and coming back to Miyagi with nothing to show for it.”

He looks right at Matsukawa. “I know…I could’ve asked my parents or you or anyone for help but...when you’re in the thick of it you just can’t think straight you know?”

Hanamaki sighs wearily, “The last time, Hideki-kun...was terminally ill and estranged from his family. He didn’t want it to go to them. We got close when I was temping at his office. I..I told him to leave it all to charity, but I guess he felt some sort of strange compulsion to help me. He paid for job training, a therapist, and was just so kind for no reason. All he asked for in return was that I play a role in public.”

“So, you were…arm candy?”

“I wouldn’t even call it that. We had different residences, it was all very compartmentalized. I wish I asked him before but, I think he was just lonely.” Hanamaki scoffs, “At least I did one thing right in my adult life, comfort someone who needed it.”

Matsukawa reaches over, pulling the other man to his chest, running a hand through his hair. Hanamaki fits perfectly on top of Issei’s chest. He lets out a sigh.

“I’m sorry Issei.”

Matsukawa presses a kiss to the top of Hanamaki’s head. “There’s nothing to be sorry for,” he murmurs, “Will you stay this time?”

“Yeah, if you’ll have me.”

“There’s nothing else I want more,” Matsukawa murmurs, before taking Hanamaki’s hand in his and pressing a kiss to his palm.

A muffled voice pipes up, “You..you forgive me?”

“Of course,” Matsukawa says, another kiss to his hand. It’s the easiest thing Matsukawa has ever done. They’ll have to talk more earnestly later and clear years of unspoken pain, but Matsukawa knows that this time, it’ll be alright.

“Just like that?”

Matsukawa angles his head to the side, looking down right into Hanamaki’s eyes as he runs a finger across his eyebrow, “Makki…why do you always think you have to suffer?”.

Hanamaki’s upper lip is quivering. “You sound like my therapist,” he says, voice cracking a little. Matsukawa smiles, and sits up, arms returning to Hanamaki’s waist.

“My clients usually don’t talk back,” he says, planting a soft, tentative kiss to Hanamaki’s cheek.

“Was that an attempt at a funeral joke because if so, you are severely out of practice Issei.” The other man snarks, trying and failing to hide the smile in the corner of his lips as Matsukawa presses a kiss to his forehead.

“You’re in for it now. There’s plenty more where that came from,” He murmurs before finally meeting Hanamaki’s lips. “No escape from the horrible puns.”  

“What a tragedy,” Hanamaki says, mouth opening to meet Matsukawa’s. He runs his hands down Hanamaki’s side like he’s always envisioned himself doing. A jolt of electricity runs through him and he feels emboldened by both their confessions and Hanamaki finally being in his arms. Matsukawa pushes Hanamaki so that his back is on the cushions, lips on the edge of his neck, hands intertwining with Hanamaki’s. Matsukawa works his way down slowly, kissing every inch of Hanamaki that he can get access to—the other man’s Adam’s apple, the hollow of his throat, his collarbones, trying to immortalize him in his mind. Below him, Hanamaki shivers to his touch, hips rising up to meet Matsukawa’s.  

Matsukawa swallows, fingertips grasping right at the edge of Hanamaki’s slacks. “May I?” he whispers, as if he’s afraid that if he’s any louder, Hanamaki will disappear again.

“I want you. I’ve wanted you.” Hanamaki says, “I—”. Emboldened, Matsukawa quickly undoes his belt and pulls his slacks down. There’s less composure in Matsukawa’s movements then he would like, but fuck it, Hanamaki is front of him in the flesh, and willing. He palms Hanamaki’s cock through his boxers, relishing in the hiss of breath that escapes Hanamaki’s gritted teeth as Matsukawa kisses the v-line of his hips. There’s no particular rhyme or reason to Matsukawa’s movements, and they’re a bit sloppy, but he doesn’t care. All he can think about is how good Hanamaki tastes and how good it feels when Hanamaki’s hand grips his hair.

He looks up at Hanamaki from between his thighs, wiping his mouth with his thumb. Hanamaki’s face is a pretty pink, lower lip swollen from how hard he’d been biting it. For a second, Matsukawa thinks about all that he’s ever wanted to do, will do, to Hanamaki, and shivers before returning his attentions to Hanamaki’s cock.

Hanamaki is beautiful as he comes undone in Matsukawa’s mouth, his fingers intertwined with Matsukawa’s other hand, back arching off the sofa cushions. They hold each other on the couch, giggling like school children- a heady mix of happiness, joy, and relief having found each other again.

---

The television is on in Matsukawa Issei’s tiny office at Peaceful Hills Funeral Home. Space is always a premium at a mortician’s, more so now that he’s no longer the sole employee of said funeral home. Instead, when he looks up and past the door, he can see his husband Hanamaki on the phone as well, jotting down notes from another client.

Matsukawa’s cigarette is lit, rapidly turning into ash as he just takes in the view in front of him, watching the light catch on the wedding band that Takahiro wears.

Darling, dearest, his.

---

I originally set out to write a PWP where they bang in the funeral home but...this...happened. I fell out of HQ for a long time (dipped out after Seijoh lost), but recently finished the manga and got slapped in the face with Mattsun working at a funeral home post-timeskip like ?? sir?? are you aware how hot you are??? and then I felt an inexplicable need to break his heart for a bit. Just a little. Also big thanks to @/plumtreeforest as always <3 ​

Comments/reblogs/etc always appreciated <3 can’t believe I finally got around to writing fic of my faves in the year 2021. I missed them. 

[knchins]

ALLLYYYYYYY CONGRATS AGAIN ON 1K!! :D 🌈✨🥂🤩 i wanted a matchup bit i get super duper self conscious typing them out aisnwkwkns is it 🐾sible to get one based on how much u know abt me? 😳👉👈 it’s ok if not!!

Io!! Yes of course! I’ll do my best with what I know about you :>

I match you with...

Hizashi Yamada!!

Chaotic? yes. Loyal and loving? Also yes!

Hizashi would be a very fun partner. He’s playful and loud, but he’s also very considerate and caring. His love for you runs deep and if anyone tries to hurt you, they have to go through him first! He has a good sense about people and could tell from the start how amazing you are.

He’s a DJ so he knows all the best music and would love to make new playlists for you to enjoy. He doesn’t mind branching out to other genres that he may not be totally familiar with, but honestly its hard to find any music that he doesn’t enjoy. Instead of asking you out forthright, he actually made you a mix tape that basically got his message across for him. Of course you accepted.

Not only does he know his music, he also loves dancing! This is perfect because he could dance all night with you! Similarly he also enjoys just watching you or helping you come up with choreography. He’s just a well rounded guy when it comes to the music industry.

He’d also find creative ways to help you study or motivate you to get your work done. If you have a creative block then he does anything in his power to help get your creativity back!

Perfect date would be going out on the town, dancing and enjoying each other’s company. Maybe even a bit of karaoke if you’re feeling brave enough! Well Hizashi definitely feels brave enough but he won’t force you up on stage if you don’t want to.

Akiteru Tsukishima!!

Plus that makes Kei kinda like your little brother too, right?? What a nightmare.

Akiteru would definitely make for a great boyfriend. He’s devoted and kind, and isn’t a total ass like his brother. He’s also really perceptive so he knows if you’re feeling down or need a little cheering up! He’s great at making you laugh and loves making you smile.

He loves that you’re multilingual and have a multitude of creative talents. Really he’s very proud to show you off and definitely feels like he has the best girlfriend out of all his friends. He enjoys letting you do tarot readings on him and makes it a habit of asking what his horoscope is every morning. He could just look it up himself but he prefers you to tell him.

Though he will poke fun at you, it’s never in a malicious way. It’s simply a way to get you to laugh. If his brother says something he thinks is out of line though, he is quick to put him in his place. His jokes are good natured while the same can’t always be said for Kei. Still, Akiteru won’t let his brother bully you.

You both are kind and caring and have a deep emotional connection as you’re both water signs. He’s also good at hyping you up and encouraging you to complete projects or hone your craft. He’s your very best personal cheerleader which is always nice to have. A bit unrelated but he could give you all the cute stationary you could ever ask from from his work.

The perfect date would probably be going to one of Kei’s volleyball games after a nice dinner at your favorite restaurant. You can both cheer on the brat from the sideline, much to his chagrin.

Edgar Allen Poe!!

Not only a good boyfriend but also a great editor!

Poe is a bit shy, but he definitely asked you out via poetry. It was a bit convoluted and really long, but you definitely appreciated the sweet sentiment. Hopefully it didn’t get too dark for you, sometimes he doesn’t realize that not everyone is into the macabre.

As a writer himself, he definitely loves that one of your hobbies is also writing. You would definitely take turns editing each others works and giving constructive critiques. Of course, he’ll ask if you think his latest mystery is unsolvable enough to send to Ranpo but you’ll be honest with him which he appreciates. You also both help each other when you hit a block, usually by going out on dates or providing some sort of distraction until the creative juices can flow again.

Your creativity definitely is one of the things that first attracted him to you. He believes that your ideas are limitless and it is always fun for him to bounce off new plot ideas with you. You also help him to write realistic woman characters which a lot of male writers tend to falter on. Overall this makes him a better, well-rounded writer and he enjoys the positive reviews he gets on his characterization.

Also he has a pet raccoon! Karl and Cutiepie would make for such cute companions together. Poe loves and cares for Cutiepie just as you do for Karl. It’s really cute how your pets can get along just as well as you do. Perhaps Karl could teach Cutiepie how to ride on your shoulders....

The perfect date would be mystery theater! The interactive kind where you have to figure out who the killer is. The food will be great and the entertainment is even better. Poe would definitely figure it out first, but only with your help. It would be very memorable and fun!

Akitaru Obi!!

His a big beefy captain, what more is there to love?

Obi is such a dedicated and loving partner that anyone would be lucky to have him! He’s a natural born leader just like you and has a keen sense of justice. He also has a good sense of humor and doesn’t mind joking around to lighten the mood. Though he is definitely the type to be serious when the situation calls for it.

He love working out and sees dancing as a great cardio routine. He’d definitely ask you to teach him so that you both could enjoy it together. While it’s not a traditional workout, it can definitely get the heart rate up and sweat flowing. Plus it never hurts to be limber, no matter how big you are! Especially when doing active and dangerous work like battling infernals.

While he’s definitely more of a rock music fan, he doesn’t mind listening to pop. Plus It can just be fun to listen to somethings. He’ll let you pick a new song or artist for him and he’ll give his honest opinion on how he feels about it. He’ll do the same for you. It’s a bonding experience you both share that he truly enjoys.

Obi prefers dogs to cats but he’ll still be a great cat dad to Cutiepie. Though if he falls asleep on his workout equipment, Obi definitely wouldn’t have the hear to move him and would resign to doing something else. That can frustrate him a bit but only because he cares.

The perfect date I think would probably be a concert of your choosing. He would gladly pay for the tickets, not really caring who the artist was as long as you were happy to see them. He’d definitely lift you up on his shoulders so you could get the perfect view from the crowd, though the people behind you aren’t so happy about it.

Megumi Fushiguro!!

He can kind of be an enigma sometimes but he’s very devoted to you.

Megumi took a while to open up, he tends to keep his thoughts and feelings private, but through time you were able to crack through that outer wall of his and see him for who he really is. Because of this you can read him fairly well which means he doesn’t have to worry about being overly expressive. His kind heart makes him an excellent partner and he’ll fight anyone that tries to lay a hand on you.

He has a clear sense of good and bad, but you do help him see that the world isn’t necessary black and white like he tends to view it. This does help him grow as a sorcerer and challenge his initial perception of people. His cold demeanor against people he feels aren’t worth saving is a bit thawed out, enabling him to help more people in the end.

Also he has his arsenal of adorable shikigami to play with! If you’re feeling down or maybe need your spirits lifted up, he’ll deploy his divine dogs to devour you with love and affection. Their playfully puppy-like attitude when not on the battlefield makes them super fun to play with and be around. They will also be respectful of any other animals in the area and won’t chase and harass them. There’s also Rabbit Escape where he can cover you with a pile of fluffy bunnies.

Megumi isn’t very creative himself so he really enjoys the fact that he has a partner who is. He also quite enjoys reading, though he prefers nonfiction he would definitely read anything that you write and tell you how he feels about it.

The perfect date would entail Megumi cooking for you! He’d make all your favorite foods and you could eat by candlelight before snuggling on the couch with a good movie. It’s simple but sweet and he enjoys the comfortable laid-back atmosphere you bring.

Event Page

[mittensmorgul]

The Tumblr Beta Version: an objective analysis

I was tempted to just type “it sucks.” And while that is an objective analysis, it’s not exactly helpful. I’ve sent several requests to @staff and @support to restore my account to the old tumblr dashboard format, and received the same automated reply twice now. I’ll copy/paste it here so everyone is on the same page:

(lol, I had to go back and edit this, because apparently the beta version doesn’t display block quotes on the dash. So I’ve also put the block quotes in italics... hopefully it’ll display properly... note after editing: nope, it doesn’t display italics either... how the heck am I supposed to differentiate quoted text? I’ll start each quoted bit with an asterisk, I guess...)

*Thanks for reaching out about the beta dashboard.

*We're currently testing it out, and your account seems to have been selected to take part in the test. Thanks for your patience while we work on it! At this time there is not a way to opt out of testing. You may see your Tumblr experience return to normal as we continue testing.

WE CAN ONLY HOPE.

*In the meantime, check out some of the new features available only in the beta dashboard:

OKAY TUMBLR, IF YOU INSIST, though I would MUCH rather have back all the functionality I personally invested into this website through xkit... you know... making the site ACTUALLY FUNCTIONAL. Let’s see what this beta version has given me instead of functionality:

*Change Palettes: Go to the person icon, then click "Change Palette." You'll find the classic Tumblr blue, dark mode, and a few other color palettes for your dash.

So I tried out all the color palettes. In addition to the ones mentioned here, there’s one that’s trying to look like a green screen terminal that gives me flashbacks to the early 80′s. There’s a reason we stopped using green screen terminals... Another one is “canary yellow.” It’s very yellow. The “classic tumblr” isn’t actually classic tumblr... all the post boxes are dark blue with grey type, not white with black type. And all the other colors are the insanely bright fluorescent of the new Dark Blue standard tumblr scheme. Which means links are practically invisible unless I highlight them. It’s migraine inducing. The one theme with a light colored background is called “Concrete” or “Cement” or something like that and even that only works for about half an hour before the migraine aura really kicks in. I just want my Old Blue via xkit back. You know, what tumblr actually used to look like. I don’t want any of these horrible color palettes. None of them work for me.

*The new "meatballs" menu: This is where you can copy the post link, unfollow the Tumblr who made or reblogged the post, or report a violation to our Community Guidelines.

I could do all of this from the user menus with xkit, too. I don’t regularly report violations or have the urge to block people I have chosen to follow. Why on earth would I want to do any of this? And why would I want these features located directly beside the post link copy feature? 

You know what I do miss? I miss the xkit timestamps feature. I didn’t have to hover dangerously close to the KILL IT WITH FIRE meatballs menu in order to see when a post was made, and in this era of disinformation and misinformation spreading around this site faster than Covid-19, being able to see when a post was ORIGINALLY created is a far more useful feature than an easier way to block people. For reference: I currently have three blogs blocked. Two of them are pornbots. One is a nazi. If I don’t want someone’s content on my dash, I don’t follow them. This “feature” is entirely useless to me.

*A quick note: Pagination is not supported in this beta test, but we're collecting feedback to send to our engineers.

THIS IS THE ABSOLUTE WORST. This beta test might actually be tolerable if I wasn’t trapped into endless scrolling. If I could page through my dash, refreshing it every ten posts or so. You know why? Because once I scroll about 30 posts down my dash, tumblr starts overheating my laptop under the load of ALL THOSE POSTS. Things start malfunctioning-- it takes longer and longer to load new posts the farther I scroll. And the keyboard navigation (both page down and hitting J to advance to the next post, and even just using the down arrow to scroll as I read a long post) freeze and stop functioning. One of my laptop fans has actually begun to malfunction.

You know why this wasn’t a problem on the old version? If the data load got to heavy, I could open a post in a new tab, click view on dash with xkit, and voila! Brand new tab! I could close the malfunctioning tab and everything would be refreshed to normal! But without pagination, THAT IS IMPOSSIBLE.

Also, after reblogging a few posts, the beta version of this site breaks, and doesn’t open a post tab to add commentary or even tags. It just... reblogs the untagged post with no warning whatsoever. You know... that’s really really not cool. I tag EVERYTHING. Well, almost everything. The tags are the only way to keep track of the 40k+ posts on my blog. And warn people that I am posting potential spoilers, or other specific content. It’s REALLY inconvenient to have to either immediately go to my blog to edit the post and add tags, or even comments. The alternative is to scroll up to open individual posts I want to reblog in a new tab, and then reblog directly there. Ironically enough, THOSE pages actually open with xkit installed, and everything (surprise!) functions perfectly there.

It’s perfectly reasonable to understand why this specific issue has limited the number of posts I reblog. Reblogging content should not be this much of a hassle. Creators have been complaining for a while that reblogs have drastically slowed down, and I think making it even more annoying and difficult to reblog posts will not help this problem.

Also, with xkit enabled, there’s a function that auto-loads images as you scroll, so the images are always visible BEFORE they appear on screen. I don’t have to look at the colored boxes and wonder if this is a post I’ve already seen or something I should sit and wait for. Don’t even think about watching tumblr videos. Loading priority is given to the ads that you cannot pause or dismiss, so that video loads and plays in choppy two second bursts instead of being given priority. Since that’s the content I am actually here to consume, it kinda makes me want to do the opposite of patronizing anyone who advertises here with graphically intense ads. And then when you scroll away, with xkit, gifs and videos you’ve scrolled past STOP loading and playing, which I think might be contributing to the intensity of the resource hogging that’s literally melting down my laptop.

And for reference, I have a pretty decent little gaming laptop. A blogging platform shouldn’t be driving it to the brink of frying itself. I didn’t realize just how much xkit worked to streamline this and provide basic functionality to this site.

*And lastly, if you're an XKit user, know that the XKit team is working hard to update things on their end to make it compatible with the beta dashboard.

And this doesn’t even begin to scratch the surface of what I’ve lost without xkit. And this is a really REALLY garbage response to user complaints. “Oh, yeah, sorry we made our site suck even worse, but those nice people who do our jobs for free will surely fix our garbage soon!”

Dear wonderful people at @new-xkit-extension, I love you, and I miss you, and while I wish xkit worked with this beta version I’ve been forced into living with, I truly feel for y’all who are trying to deal with this nonsense on behalf of all of us.

And to the folks at Tumblr... maybe try to just... make your site actually more like xkit. You know, actually functional. None of these special new features are useful or functional to me. I respectfully request for a fourth time to be removed from this inane beta test.

Give us OPTIONS. Let us display ALL THE TAGS without having to click a button. Let me have back my Activity+ that actually allowed me to interact with people from my dash! That showed me real-time inline notifications in a way that I could reply to with a single click! Bring me back to my column of open messaging conversation icons so I have easy access to the people I talk with throughout the day instead of closing them all every time I refresh the page. I already feel socially isolated in freaking quarantine, please stop shutting off all my avenues of communication!

Let us have pagination! I mean, maybe it wasn’t the best idea to force heavy users of this site into a beta version that doesn’t allow us to opt out until your engineers had actually figured out how to make it work in a very basic way.

*Let me know if there's anything else I can help you with!

YES. PLEASE REMOVE ME FROM THIS BETA TEST NOW. I have let you know exactly what I want from this site. I just want it to ACTUALLY WORK. For someone who spends 12+ hours a day on this site, this beta test version is NONFUNCTIONAL. PLEASE ALLOW ME TO OPT OUT. I AM LITERALLY BEGGING YOU. I WILL ACTUALLY PAY YOU CASH MONEY TO ALLOW ME TO OPT OUT OF THIS AND GO BACK TO HAVING A FUNCTIONAL BLOG AGAIN. WHAT MORE DO YOU WANT FROM ME?!

PLEASE! 

I AM OFFICIALLY AT THE END OF MY PATIENCE FOR ENDURING THIS NIGHTMARE.

(one final quick note... I’ve only been back on my dash long enough to make the parenthetical edits-- i.e. adding italics that don’t display and then adding the asterisks at the beginning of each section of quoted text, and already my laptop is overheating again. For reference, I originally typed this entire post from within my tumblr inbox page-- which still functions normally with xkit-- and spent over an hour on it. My laptop was fine the entire time. Clearly the issue is this beta version of the website. I will never forgive tumblr if y’all fry my literal only portal to the outside world at this time. PUT ME BACK TO NORMAL NOW. THIS IS ABSOLUTELY INFURIATING AND ENTIRELY UNACCEPTABLE. Thanks)

(oops apparently i lied... when the asterisks and the previous final note failed to display, I thought that seemed suspicious, and realized that I literally needed to refresh my entire dash in order to see edited changes. Funny how xkit enabled me to do that in real time, which is just another bit of functionality I’ve lost with this beta program. Please guys, this is really, really not working for me at all, just put it back.)

[punkscowardschampions]

James & Ava

James: [so obviously all through this party whenever we can we're saying thanks/love you/sorry etc at relevant points via little touches but there hasn't been much time with all the kid chaos & we gotta use our words now] James: Thank you Ava: Don't mention it, I had a good time Ava: think the girls did too 😌 James: because of you James: which is why I had to mention it Ava: It's okay, making cupcakes and crafts was bound to be more fun than my history essay Ava: easy choice, really Ava: how are you now? apart from exhausted James: still astonished that Teddy helped to clear up, even though your cousin did most of it Ava: it's amazing what a boy will do to keep a girl happy, right James: whatever you're hinting at, I'll do it Ava: 😱 do you think I'm that sort of girl?! 😂 James: I don't think I'm exhausted enough to fall into the trap of such a clearly trick question Ava: Then maybe you didn't party/clean hard enough 🤔 James: I'll happily send you evidence of me scrubbing the bath until it's less blue if you like James: but somehow I doubt that is what you're contemplating Ava: An interesting proposition Ava: but who decided baths had to be white anyway Ava: I say keep it James: hopefully whoever rents this place after we've gone will agree with you Ava: I'll bring 'round the spare bicarb, that'll work James: there'll be some in the cupboard, from all the baking recipes Jay's school sends insisting she needs it Ava: I guess I'll have to think of another excuse to come see you soon then James: wanting to is enough Ava: I'd have to be a fool to not want that James: though after today, less so James: I'm very sorry about my family Ava: They aren't your fault James: nevertheless James: & speaking of excuses, my sister told me she's pregnant again as one for her behaviour before I could properly challenge her for it Ava: Oh that's a shame, I could have implied she was just fat by asking Ava: but no, really Ava: I can handle it, it's not as if my family are particularly supportive about us either James: you'll have other chances before her official announcement, I'm sure Ava: not my style Ava: it'll be nice, for the girls to have more cousins their age James: but to hear her speak, there's already a very distinct possibility that this child has surpassed every single one of their age appropriate milestones whilst in utero Ava: 🙄 Ava: if anything that just means more pain on the way out, no Ava: not that underdone is the preference but you know James: she'll have scheduled the caesarean the moment there was evidence of a pink line Ava: guess she's confident in her ab-building post-baby workout then James: confidence has never been lacking as far as she's concerned Ava: I can tell Ava: like your dad, like you said James: yes Ava: I'm sorry Ava: that they tried to...whatever they were attempting to do, or if it was even intentional behaviour Ava: but I think the party still went well where it mattered James: there isn't a single thing for you to apologise for James: it did go well Ava: I'm not trying to add more tension or friction to proceedings when it already comes so naturally James: you didn't, in fact, by being there you managed to diffuse it James: I would have been a lot more stressed had you not been Ava: Good Ava: and she didn't show up Ava: so what more could we ask for James: my parents & sister following suit perhaps James: but that won't be much to ask once we move further than a stone's throw out of their shadow Ava: leaving the postcode for less than Monaco? Ava: unlikely Ava: I keep looking at places Ava: everything goes so fast, it's crazy, by the time I go to send the link, it's gone James: I've secured a viewing after work for the day after tomorrow, if you're free you're more than welcome to come James: [sends her a link] Ava: Wow, that's so exciting Ava: are you excited James: I'm cautiously optimistic Ava: That's such a you way to put it 😊 James: oh is it? Ava: Yes Ava: I like it James: I like that you're unabashed in your excitement Ava: You deserve exciting things to be happening Ava: there's nothing better than a new place for a fresh start James: if it were that simple, I'd agree with you that nothing could be better Ava: No, I know Ava: new floors and four walls doesn't fix everything Ava: but it is something you CAN do Ava: along with all the things you already are, and continue to do James: I want you to be right, but I can't help but feel that it's just a new location to hide in, because of all the things I can't change Ava: You aren't the one that ran away Ava: and no one can say that Ava: but you're better, even without the comparison to her which leaves you looking practically saint-like James: only because there is no amount of distance I can put between your brother & I which would alter the facts or the future as it is shaping up to be Ava: he's being so Ava: stubborn and stupid James: all day my thoughts kept circling back to the idea that this time next year everything could be different James: she might not be here James: I don't know what to do Ava: That won't happen Ava: we won't let it James: you wanting it to be a promise you can make or me wanting what you're saying to be true might not be enough James: I know how stubborn he is Ava: that doesn't mean that he can make a judge agree with him Ava: neither does the fact he's training to do as much Ava: you've raised her, you're her dad James: that alone doesn't mean I can guarantee anything either James: while raising her I've made a lot of mistakes Ava: no Ava: not nowhere near enough or the type that warrants anyone taking her away James: you didn't know me before rehab Ava: neither did my brother Ava: who's he going to call as a character witness, Chloe? James: he did, but I'll admit that the past is less of a pressing concern right now compared to the struggle of the present James: & the ease of getting wasted Ava: Hardly Ava: what kind of friend was he by that point Ava: he didn't tell you that Chloe had told him he was the father before you, did he? Ava: he has no room to judge, on any level Ava: he still does worse James: regardless, I can't blame him for judging me James: because I don't think there's worse than the things I consider doing whenever there's the briefest moment such as this, when they're asleep James: recovery is constant & truly exhausting Ava: Maybe you can't, but I can Ava: exactly Ava: it shows strength of character Ava: I'm just saying, if he takes it there, which, I'd hope not but no, I can't even pretend to promise that right now Ava: he can't be throwing around those sort of accusations like he's got nothing that would look worse under scrutiny James: it's a weakness of character James: & I don't want my flaws to extend to driving any kind of wedge between you & your brother James: or to have to expose any of his, irrespective of what they are James: being free of her finally means I no longer have to play any of those games Ava: admitting and dealing with it isn't Ava: I know Ava: it's horrible to think about, especially when it is so soon after she left, and how that has barely registered Ava: but if you have to, you'll do whatever you need to, right Ava: I mean, as long as it doesn't hurt her, then you have to James: I don't want to do anything that hurts you either Ava: It's not about me though James: he's your brother Ava: That doesn't mean I'm going to endorse his bad choices Ava: not for an easy life Ava: and not at the expense of yours, or Jay's, of course James: they aren't choices any of us should have to make Ava: no, we shouldn't Ava: but he has to be on board with that too Ava: he can't rush and force what he thinks he wants, without any regard for the rest Ava: just because the whole situation was fucked from the start James: he wants to meet her, I keep saying no Ava: Have you told her anything yet? Ava: Not saying 'yet' like you need to or there's a timescale here, you know what I'm trying to ask James: if there were a right time, it wouldn't be now James: she's coping well with her mother's absence but she's nevertheless having to cope James: I'm not going to give her something else to contend with until circumstances change, whether that's because of your brother or a more positive development Ava: Totally Ava: it's a lot already Ava: he should be thinking the same way James: he seems to, when we speak about it James: I can't blame him for wanting to get to know her though James: clearly that's my dad bias but anyone who doesn't is missing out Ava: she's a good kid James: you're good with her & for her James: I can't remember the last time she was as happy as she's been over the last few days Ava: that makes me happy too James: oh good, because I haven't yet asked how you are James: I'm sorry Ava: don't be James: it's important James: my family believes I see you as an unpaid problem solver & I have no desire to prove them right to any degree Ava: you know that I know that that's not how it is though Ava: I understand, you've got way too much going on in your head right now to be too concerned with the pleasantries Ava: I can do without James: just because you can doesn't mean you should James: this matters to me, you, us James: we're not an us if it's just me using you as a sounding board Ava: You don't Ava: and I know it matters because you wouldn't trust me with any of this if it didn't Ava: you've been there for me whenever I've needed you too, my problems are just smaller scale, on the whole Ava: doesn't make it one-sided James: okay James: as long as you know Ava: I promise Ava: I wouldn't hate some alone time with you soon though James: how soon can you do? Ava: I have to go to Dublin this weekend Ava: but Thursday I don't have any afternoon lessons, so if you could do something then? James: I'll pick you up James: if necessary I'll do extra work when you're in Dublin Ava: you're so lovely James: no, I missed you the second you left, that's all Ava: I missed you too Ava: not being able to talk properly Ava: I hate that about parties James: me too James: but you were a vision in your party outfit Ava: you think so? Ava: you can be a monster again any time you like 😋 James: yes, I very much think so James: you looked beautiful Ava: you'll make me blush James: I hope so, despite not being there to see it Ava: in terms of photographic evidence, definitely more fun than the clean bath James: unless I were in it, alas I'm not sure I'd fit Ava: Oh babe that's so sad Ava: the world doesn't cater to people your size, how rude 🥺 James: I'll try if you promise to drop whatever you're doing & help free me should the unthinkable occur James: & thankfully hotels do, so I won't have to see that face on Thursday Ava: Of course Ava: we have to protect your modesty and decency at all costs 🤭 Ava: hotel, you say? James: yes, that way we'll both fit James: without any kind of farce or firefighters getting involved Ava: I did say alone time Ava: no 🚓 🚑 🚒 allowed James: not in this chapter, I promise James: it's not that kind of book Ava: It doesn't have to be tasteful Ava: I don't think the readers will mind James: I'll bear that in mind Ava: Please do James: while I've got things under consideration, would you like to stay over? James: I can arrange taking you to school on Friday morning Ava: Um, yes Ava: of course James: okay, I'll ask Diana to watch the girls James: after today it's the least she can do Ava: Is she usually better when I'm not there? James: no James: she'll happily find a grievance with whoever is Ava: well, at least it isn't personal Ava: don't know if that's worse, actually James: plenty were tailored to you personally if that makes you feel any better Ava: it's understandable, I suppose Ava: if I was who they thought I was James: my ex wife was everything they thought she was & it did nothing to help me Ava: yeah James: I have my opinions on my sister's husband & I keep them to myself Ava: he wasn't there, was he? James: there's a slim chance you'll be able to meet him at her baby shower, but he wasn't at the last one Ava: I'm sure the chances I'll be invited are even slimmer Ava: sounds delightful though James: oh she'll invite you, if only to show you how a party should be thrown Ava: 😏 Ava: it's a good thing I already know baby shower etiquette then Ava: been to enough James: you'll have to teach me what it is Ava: Very modern of her to want any men there Ava: usually they object on the fact of it being 'women's business' and it's like a hen party with no alcohol James: Matilda's & Jay's were both like that Ava: Yeah, I can see that James: there was obviously champagne though James: I assumed that was why I wasn't invited Ava: Oh yeah, the other guests can get hammered Ava: and the mum has to lowkey cry about it the whole time, but all the gifts and attention you get should really make up for it Ava: they're weird, honestly, another excuse for all of the above James: the horrific flashbacks of said crying & attention have returned to me, thank you for that Ava: 😬 Ava: you can have a baby shower now if you would like Ava: I'll look up all the ridiculous games Ava: you earnt it James: you're the one who has earned anything you'd like James: there wouldn't have even been a party today if not for all the work you put in Ava: all I like is being with you Ava: it was worth it James: you know I don't want you to leave, it upsets me that you're not here now Ava: Same Ava: I wish I could be James: did you finish your homework? Ava: not quite, my parents wanted to talk to me for ages Ava: which really goes against their concerns being my schoolwork but there we go James: well, I'm very concerned about your schoolwork & ensuring you don't have to go to Kings after all, so if there's anything I can do to help Ava: I'll tell them Ava: that will no doubt but their mind at ease Ava: it's not even that hard, I'm just lacking motivation James: of course James: I went there too, none of the work was ever that hard Ava: they'd like you to believe the oxbridge admissions day others but Ava: we know the truth James: I'd like to know what would motivate you Ava: Well Ava: maybe we could do lunch or something before Thursday Ava: that is forever away James: it certainly does feel like it Ava: or we can walk Frank or I'll come 'round for dinner Ava: just say I can see you before then and I'll get it done James: we can do every single one of those things once you have Ava: 😍 Ava: Okay, I'll do it Ava: as you're so inspirational James: as we've discussed, I don't want things to be one sided James: & you're the most encouraging person I've ever met James: I've never found someone to be this stimulating before, it's a remarkably unfair contest for my capabilities James: thus I'm motivated to keep motivating you Ava: I love being with you so much James Ava: I can't wait for your life to be exactly what you want it Ava: it is going to happen, I'm so sure of it James: before you I didn't even know how my life could hypothetically be bearable, never mind thinking about how I may have wanted it in its ideal James: you build character, Ava James: I love you so much, but also I can stand who I am now, with you Ava: you're doing all the work though Ava: to totally restart, that's amazing you know Ava: and I love you too James: because you prompted it Ava: as long as you're taking your credit too, I can deal with that James: I need you to know that I couldn't do this without you, back then or now James: & how much I appreciate you is in line with that Ava: Good thing you've got me Ava: and good thing that's what we both want Ava: everything else we can work out together James: it's the most perfect thing James: hence I'm still working out how to do any of it justice with a novel Ava: Words are your speciality Ava: even if it takes a lifetime, that's time we have James: & if nothing else it puts your current writer's block into perspective James: you definitely won't be forced to do homework forever Ava: 😅 very true James: because of course my struggle is consistently greater than yours, darling James: there's a long line of people waiting to tell us, lest we forget Ava: but of course Ava: only have to worry about when my next assignment is due and how to wear my hair, thank god 💁 James: thank god Jay didn't insist you turn yours blue as well James: getting you sent home for violating the dress code wouldn't endear your parents to me Ava: I don't think I'd look anywhere as near as cool Ava: talk about a real party faux pas James: as far as she's concerned you're incapable of committing one, or any wrong at all Ava: no pressure 😅 Ava: she's so cute Ava: and funny James: she wants to get her hair cut next, as long as you say you like it when I eventually take her, you'll continue to be her favourite person Ava: Ooh, that's a big one Ava: how is dad feeling about it? James: hypothetically less hair to fight to get a brush through sounds like a fantastic idea James: but actually, I don't know Ava: she'll love it Ava: you will too Ava: though it'll be a total shock James: I'll be the sentimental fool, frantically trying to catch a lock to keep before it hits the floor, undoubtedly Ava: 🥺 You're adorable Ava: at least Mattie has a way to before her first haircut, a reprieve for you James: it'll make her happy, that's what I should focus on, I know Ava: you're still allowed to feel a type of way about it Ava: that's what dads are for James: mine isn't the demonstrative type, unless disappointment is what he wishes to convey, but yes James: I don't look to him for parenting advice Ava: You're already better Ava: and that can be a comfort now, instead of how he is being detrimental to you James: thank you James: all I ask is that you don't also decide to change how you wear your hair in the near future please, there are only so many changes I can endure regardless of whether they're positive or negative Ava: Okay, I can promise that Ava: just for you James: well in that case, just for you, I'll ignore the weather forecast & walk Frank tomorrow Ava: 😁 Ava: I wish you could come to Dublin too Ava: we'll be having bonfire night James: one day, I can promise that Ava: I know, it's too soon Ava: I'll buy sparklers, when I get back James: I look forward to it Ava: I won't bring back a jacket potato even though they're so much better off the fire James: true, I remember it being one of the main merits of scouts Ava: you were a scout? 😊 James: yes James: I did my D of E as well Ava: That tracks Ava: you're always prepared James: I don't know about that Ava: Are you suggesting that the D of E was in fact a massive waste of time? 🤔😱 James: I'm not suggesting anything until they approach me with whatever package they deem appropriate in order to secure a glowing endorsement James: King's have certainly benefited from having me on side, in spite of losing you to more worthy rivals Ava: Smart 😏 Ava: You did almost convince me, and in a way, you still did, just not to their benefit James: I can't in good conscience take credit for the persuasive charm of The Vault James: or pretend as though I wasn't the one being utterly convinced by you Ava: Of course, those dizzying highs are unparalleled and cannot be replicated anywhere else Ava: and just as obvious is my conniving seduction of you, as pointed out with pointed looks and silences James: it is a relief to hear that high school wasn't in fact my peak, I'll make sure to really emphasise my superiority in the book's acknowledgements Ava: If you thought it was possible to peak in that school, I'd have no interest in gold-digging you, would I James: nobody is professing that you're good at it, darling James: you'd have been more likely to target my father's bad marriage if so Ava: I'm so sad for myself Ava: tragically bad at it, really James: unfortunately we can't both be figures of pity & I've already been typecast in said role Ava: I'll have to get better at it and be more worthy of scorn James: regardless, there's very little chance they'll improve enough to be worthy of where they've put themselves James: though the mock trial is a kind consideration given that your brother is vying to put me before a real one, I suppose Ava: Thank God they don't know James: my father has already baulked at the idea of us moving, if I have to go to him cap in hand to pay for lawyers James: I dread to think Ava: I still hope they never need to be told Ava: maybe that's foolish at this point but James: if it is, it's a folie à deux James: but once I tell Jay I can hardly swear her to secrecy James: & she does need to be told, my delusion isn't that far reaching Ava: No, true Ava: kids are bad with secrets Ava: and obviously, not the kind of thing to encourage anyway Ava: they won't treat her differently at least, right? Ava: as long as they can keep their talking about it out of her earshot too, I feel that's the best we can hope for James: I'd love to say no, of course they wouldn't Ava: I didn't want to be the one to suggest it Ava: even if slagging off your family might seem like the appropriate course of action right now, not that bitch either James: there's very little you could suggest that my imagination hasn't beaten you to Ava: I know darling Ava: I'm sorry James: I try to console myself with the knowledge that there's a degree of inevitability anyway, look how differently I am treated, without any question of being his flesh & blood James: my family have & always will have their favourites, set in & as immovable as stone Ava: and she does have Chloe's parents, who clearly adore both girls Ava: I only have one set of grandparents Ava: you're right, they're going to act however they choose to act, and they can blame it on what they like but as long as Jay knows it isn't her fault and she is loved by lots of people, then that should be enough, and I'm sure it will be Ava: you've found happiness despite them James: & she will too, I'll make sure of that James: do your parents know? Ava: Yes Ava: he told them at the time, as well Ava: so they were less shocked but obviously still James: I definitely won't be welcome at the bonfire then Ava: It's not your fault Ava: they can't blame you James: it wasn't the first time I'd heard it said that I wasn't her dad either, I could've done something when it was Ava: She's the only one that knew the actual truth Ava: the only one that could say or do anything for definite James: I didn't want to know, that's my fault Ava: Neither did my brother James: we're as bad as each other Ava: It's more complicated than that James: it won't be to Jay Ava: I don't think Jay is going to understand it like that James: what I mean is, all of this should & could've been sorted out a lot sooner Ava: Maybe Ava: but none of you can go back James: no, we can't Ava: All either of you can do is go from here Ava: God knows what Chloe's next move will be James: as yet she isn't making any James: there wasn't even a card Ava: It's insane Ava: it's like she's dead Ava: playing dead, anyway James: that would be preferable James: at least I'd know what to say to Jay if she were Ava: It's so unfair Ava: that she thinks she gets to do this Ava: that she owes them nothing James: she does get to, neither I nor her parents can stop her Ava: If her parents know where she is though Ava: they could take the kids to her Ava: but then, I suppose all that would result in would be trauma for them Ava: for fuck's sake James: precisely, I can't blame them for being terrified of the scene they'd stumble into Ava: the parent that stays always get shit on Ava: it's not right, this is her mess and she's doing nothing to fix it James: I'll gladly fix it for their sakes, that is what's right James: they've been through enough with her Ava: and you'll do a better job than she ever could Ava: it's just frustrating Ava: but I know you know that more than me, and do not need telling remotely just Ava: I feel angry on all your behalves right now James: you don't know what it means to me, how much you care, even if it is distressing & distracting for you right now Ava: I know you want the best for me Ava: but in the grand scheme of things, me fluffing one essay is not actually the big deal any of my family would like to make it so we don't have to have a bigger conversation Ava: this is important, you are James: an assignment isn't the issue, it's that everyone believes you're consistently putting my importance above yours James: & maybe if it's that glaring to all but me they have a point & I am asking too much of you James: leaning on you too hard through this Ava: No, they don't want to see it, because this whole thing, us, makes them uncomfortable Ava: it'd be my business if I did anyway, every person in a relationship I know does that Ava: but it isn't at the cost of me and my importance anyway James: okay Ava: I promise, James James: I'm doing my best Ava: You're doing amazing James: it doesn't feel that way Ava: no Ava: but the girls are gonna grow up happy, and then it'll be worth it James: are they? Ava: Yes James: I want to believe that Ava: You'll get to see Ava: that doubt, of whether you're fucking it all up, is just part and parcel isn't it Ava: but things will get easier too, day to day like James: whether I fuck it all up again you mean, because I actually have for so long Ava: but you're fixing it Ava: that's what really counts James: but it doesn't erase my past mistakes, they count as well James: every slight against Chloé is also one against me because I stood by & let them happen James: I knew where she was, where she could plausibly still be James: & here I am, continuing to do nothing Ava: at the end of the day though Ava: all anyone really wants from their parents is love Ava: knowing that you love and care about and for them, put in that work, that's what counts Ava: she isn't good for them right now, clearly Ava: maybe she does get to just walk away, regardless of it being unfair James: you're right, clearly James: I'm sorry, it's been a really long day Ava: It really has Ava: what are you doing to wind down? James: I don't know James: what do you suggest? Ava: Depends Ava: you could try to fit in your blue bath Ava: cook yourself your favourite food Ava: we could watch a movie or some really mindless trash TV James: Beautiful Creatures or Beastly are supposedly a must for Twilight fans James: if you've seen those, there's also The Mortal Instruments but I'm not sure how many of those books got made into films James: it feels unwise to risk getting invested in a neverending cliffhanger Ava: I think they made that one into a bad TV series too, after the films bombed Ava: could be an exercise in how not to do it Ava: as well as relaxing James: really? James: well that's settled Ava: I bet it has such a sub-par soundtrack too James: compared to what we're used to, what wouldn't be? Ava: Precisely Ava: after the day we've had, can't be dealing with that level of excitement James: enough that I don't immediately fall asleep after pressing play will be fine Ava: I'll fill you in on the travesties if you do James: no, after the day we've had, I want to spend time with you Ava: I love you James: I love you too

[erinptah]

The Secret Commonwealth review: It was...pretty underwhelming, mostly

Finally got the audiobook of The Secret Commonwealth checked out from my local library!

(Here’s my review of its predecessor, La Belle Sauvage, if you want to start there.)

It’s 20 hours long. Whoof.

As for the contents…look, it was well-written prose. I didn’t get bored while listening. (Rereading that last review, I realized I’d written the same thing about the previous book, too.) But in retrospect, there sure was not a lot that happened in those 20 hours. Some notable action bits, in between a lot of padding.

And my reactions mostly consist of…complaints. Not “this is hideous, time to ragequit the series, this is an unqualified anti-rec” complaints, more a low-level churn of frustration.

(There’s one scene I know has made someone else outright refuse to read it, though, and I think it’s totally reasonable. More on that later.)

So I’m gonna try to unpack a bunch of it here. Hopefully in enough detail that, if you haven’t read it yet (and don’t mind spoilers), it can help you make an informed decision about whether it’s worth spending 20 hours of your life on.

Spoilers start here!

The Story

We open with Lyra as a 20-year-old student at St. Sophia’s, a women’s college in Oxford. She’s made some kinda-friends, including former booty calls that she’s still on good terms with, but she’s badly estranged from Pantalaimon.

Their rift is exacerbated by a couple of books she’s read that are popular with young intellectuals lately. One is a philosophy book, one is a novel, both of them seem broadly Ayn Randian in the sense that “teens/college kids get really into these books and decide it’s smart and fashionable to adopt their moral framework, ignoring both the logical failures and the ways in which this turns you into a horrible person.”

She’s been staying at Jordan between semesters, but political drama forces her to move, and that’s when Oakley Street swoops in to make contact. They’re the secret Magisterum-thwarting spy organization that Hannah Relf worked for in La Belle Sauvage. Employees now include Alice Lonsdale and Malcolm Polstead, who fill Lyra in on the events of the previous book.

Lyra crashes at Malcolm’s parents’ inn for a bit, but her fighting with Pan gets so bad that he takes off, leaving a note. He’s going to confront one of the authors of the fashionable/terrible books — who lives in Germany, so this could take a while.

Since Lyra can’t just hang around and go through the motions of a normal life while her daemon is visibly missing, she takes off too. First on a detour to the Gyptians, then on a sorta meandering cross-continental journey of her own.

Along the way, both Lyra and Pan keep uncovering new details about this ongoing side plot:

It turns out there’s a place, I think somewhere in the Middle East, where daemons can’t go — same as the area in the North that witches use for separation ordeals. If a human crosses that area, they arrive at the growing-place of a type of rose that won’t grow properly anywhere else, whose oil has the same effect as the seed-pod sap used by Mary Malone in the mulefa world — you can use it to make a Dust-viewing lens.

This rose oil can also be used to make all kinds of super-cool products, like the World’s Best Perfume and the World’s Best Rosewater, so it’s valuable for lots of reasons. But a few researchers have caught on to the Dust-viewing power, and the Magisterium has caught on that some dangerous research is happening with roses, so they’ve started destroying every rosebush they can find in the general region — wreaking havoc with the global economy in the process.

(They’re also trying to convince the general population that God Says Roses Are Immoral now. If this book had come out 5 years ago, I could’ve made some great connections with “there’s widespread successful Magisterium propaganda about how nobody should like or respect the work of botanists.”)

And there’s a related plot where Lyra’s uncle (she actually has one! Mrs. Coulter had a brother!) is playing a long game to re-consolidate as much Magisterium power as possible under a single individual. It gets us some good dramatic sequences…which I feel no need to break down here, because they’re exactly the ones you would imagine, with exactly the outcome you’re already expecting.

One of Uncle Wannabe-Pope’s employees is Bonneville Junior, the son of the miniboss from La Belle Sauvage. He’s a trained alethiometrist, but is more interested in his personal vendetta against Lyra than his actual job. Takes after Dad in that he’s not very deep or complex, just a straightforward fun-to-hate villain.

Pan eventually makes his way to the Terrible Author’s home, where he discovers that things are weird and creepy, but not very specific. Doesn’t achieve anything in particular, either. Disheartened, he sets off for the Region of the Weird Roses, with the idea he’ll meet Lyra there.

Lyra, meanwhile, has a notebook they recovered from an explorer who went to the Region of the Weird Roses. It includes a list of other (non-witch) people across the world who’ve been separated, because apparently they’re more common than you’d think, and have a secret support network. So she visits a few of these people along her trip, with an endgame goal of Weird Roseville.

Malcolm also makes his own journey toward Weird Roseville. I think it was part of an Oakley Street investigation into “what does the Magisterium have against roses these days?” In the middle of it, Bonneville Junior confronts him (Junior is having trouble finding Lyra, but has a secondary vendetta against Malcolm for killing his dad, so this is almost as good). Malcolm talks him down.

At last Lyra, Pan, and Junior all hit the same “creepy deserted town in the general area of Weird Roseville.” But none of them manage to interact before the book ends.

…In my LBS review, I said it had serious middle-of-the-trilogy syndrome, a whole lot of setup for no payoff. TSC spends very little time following up on any of it. To be fair, the Original Trilogy has happened in the meantime and this book also tries to address some of the events from that, but the vast bulk of it is even more setup for no payoff.

Complaints, Broadly Organized By Theme, In Loosely Chronological Order

Lyra at St. Sophia’s:

I really like how the opening sequence involves Lyra noticing a friend is in distress and helping her out! (Friend’s dad is in the rose-using business, and his company is going under.) And then…that’s the last we see of any connections with female friends her own age. In the entire book.

One of the Terrible Rationalist Books is spreading the idea that “daemons are a collective hallucination.” This is not a “rational” idea in this world! It would be like saying that faces are a collective hallucination!

And Lyra is the least likely person in this world to buy into it, because she’s visited a world without visible daemons, and got empirical proof (via Will’s and John Parry’s separation ordeals) that even under those conditions, they still exist!

I can appreciate the idea of Lyra and Pan being traumatized and scarred and having trouble, but this, specifically, is a nonsensical thing for them to argue over.

The book also gestures (not very hard, thankfully) toward the idea that Lyra is doubting the existence of magic in general. Which, again, is the equivalent of someone from our world deciding it’s rational to doubt the existence of weather.

Also, it seems like Lyra/Pan haven’t had any contact with witch society through these years. Why not? If anyone’s going to have sympathy and understanding and support groups for their separation-related trauma, it’s the culture where every single member formally goes through the same thing! And I’m sure Serafina would be delighted to see them! But they don’t even consider the idea.

Lyra and Malcolm:

Yes, they’re being telegraphed as a future couple, and yes, it’s just as creepy and unappealing as the internet has been saying.

And, look, I’m not going to say “20-year-old Lyra is too young to date anyone she wants.” Not after we got through all of Original Flavor HDM without saying “12-year-old Lyra is too young to go on an interdimensional journey with no adult supervision and save the multiverse.”

But he was one of her teachers when she was 16, and his POV includes remembering how he had to actively shut down sexual interest in her then, and here in the present Lyra still thinks of him as kind of a distant authority figure, and that’s weird, okay?

They only have a couple days’ worth of actual interaction before being apart for the rest of the book. That’s not enough time to believably develop their dynamic into something believably-potentially-romantic. So the narrative doesn’t try.

…but it still has multiple people ask Malcolm if he’s in love with Lyra afterward.

The foreshadowing on Lyra’s side is all in how she keeps thinking about how similar he is to Will. (Cat daemon, killed someone when he was a tween, etc.) Because that’s what we all want for Lyra’s romantic future, a knockoff Will-substitute, amirite?

Separately: Malcolm and friends tell Lyra the whole backstory about the magical boat trip from La Belle Sauvage, but it doesn’t seem like she tells them anything about “that time I went on an interdimensional journey, built a group of allies from multiple worlds and species including literal angels, killed God, and permanently rewrote the nature of death.” I feel like that should’ve come up!

General daemon stuff:

There’s a moment in the early chapters when Pan, wandering alone at night, considers eating some small critter (the kind that an ordinary pine marten would eat). It’s not like he’s going through a species-identity crisis, either. It’s just written as…a thing a daemon might do. So that’s weird.

In the original series, daemon separation is a major, improbable ordeal. Under normal circumstances, a human and a daemon being dragged apart past their distance limit will just kill them. At Bolvangar they figured out a severance method that would leave you physically functional, but dead inside. Witch-style separation only happens at this special daemon-repelling place in the North (you don’t have to be a witch to use it, see John Parry, but they usually don’t tell non-witches it exists), or on the shores of the World of the Dead. So far, so good.

In this series, we find out that there’s another place on this Earth with the same daemon-repelling properties. It’s also remote and isolated and associated with Cool Weird Stuff (the cities in the Northern Lights vs. the Dust-revealing roses). Again, so far, so good.

…And then we find out that random people can just kinda do a separation ordeal anywhere. Okay, it already happened to Malcolm in La Belle Sauvage, but now it’s all over the place. Lyra keeps spotting people on the street without daemons! Pan teams up with a kid who got dragged apart from her daemon in a shipwreck, and it didn’t kill them! It’s too easy. It’s unsatisfying. It undercuts so much of the monumental feeling separation had in the original trilogy.

It also makes it even weirder that nobody was able to hook Lyra and Pan up with a support group. Oakley Street couldn’t suss it out? Her friends among the Gyptians couldn’t catch an underground rumor and pass it on?

Related: when we saw daemonless kids in The Golden Compass, they were treated like horror-movie monsters. Like zombies, ghosts, bodies walking around without heads. But when people clock Lyra as being daemonless here, they treat it like it’s something immoral. Like she’s walking around topless and needs to cover it up.

There’s just a general pattern of rewriting HDM’s established rules about daemons, and not for the better.

And speaking of rewriting established rules…general alethiometer stuff:

There is a New Method for reading the alethiometer. It involves pointing all three hands at the same symbol, which already seems like a gimmick, not a useful way to frame a question.

And somehow, that gets you the answers in the form of…magic visions. No intuition or interpretation needed! The sights and sounds just get funneled directly into your brain!

The reason this isn’t a Plot-Breaking Hack is because it makes the user super-queasy. You can only use it when you’re in a position to be sick afterward, and people would rather not use it at all.

Lyra spends most of the story with the alethiometer, and without all the symbology books that go with it. She avoids using the New Method because of the nausea, but she also avoids using the Classic Method, on the grounds that it apparently can’t get her anything without the books.

She’s been studying these books for years now! Couldn’t she at least try to read it, and make her best guess at the interpretation? Maybe sometimes she gets it right, maybe sometimes she’s wrong and things go sideways and she realizes in hindsight which of the symbols she misread, maybe sometimes she gives up and gets depressed and puts it away without drawing a conclusion at all…but nope, she just flat-out doesn’t interact with it.

Midway through the book, Lyra gets a tipoff about a kind of truth-reading cards. That’s fine; we know there are other methods of truth-reading in the multiverse, including the I Ching and Mary Malone’s computer. Makes sense as a new tidbit of worldbuilding.

But towards the end of the story, someone helpfully gifts Lyra a deck of the cards. And she spends some time trying to infer answers from how the pretty pictures on the cards fit together. More time than she spends trying to infer answers from how the pretty pictures on the alethiometer fit together.

The alethiometer didn’t need a New Method or a total replacement in the narrative…but apparently it’s getting them.

And what was the point of Lyra dedicating herself to studying those symbols, for years, if she can get better and more-accurate data from a set of symbols she’d never seen before until this week?

Pan’s international voyage:

This all started when Pan got the idea that Terrible Author had “put a spell on Lyra and stolen her imagination.” Which sounds like a figure of speech at first, but no, apparently Pan thinks this guy is literally magic.

And yet, somehow, not magic enough to be dangerous, even for a single lone daemon whose only plan is “confront him directly and demand that he fix it”?

Most of the trip is uneventful, since it’s a long string of Pan successfully keeping out-of-sight.

There’s one clever part where, once he’s in Terrible Author’s hometown, he finds a school for the blind to ask for information. That way he can say ���my girl is totally standing right over there, don’t worry about it, now, any chance you know where Terrible Author lives?”

…of course, the first person he asks has exactly the right answer and is happy to share. Convenient, that.

As mentioned, Terrible Author’s setup is suitably creepy and off-putting, but Pan doesn’t figure out anything about why. Doesn’t investigate. Didn’t come up with any kind of plan beforehand about how to coax Terrible Author into undoing his evil spell. Pan just confronts him, demands he fix Lyra, realizes this hasn’t fixed Lyra, and leaves.

There’s a bombshell much later on when Lyra finds out that Terrible Author is separated! And, although there’s a daemon who hangs around with him, they don’t actually belong to each other! This is fascinating and disturbing and would’ve been so much more satisfying if, you know, Pan had figured this out and was actively trying to bring the information to Lyra. Or, heck, if anything had been done with it at all.

Shortly afterward, Pan runs into this girl who just happens to be separated from her daemon, and is available and happy to team up with Pan, so they can head off to Weird Roseville together. Convenient. Again.

Lyra’s Bogus Journey:

Lyra has a much harder time staying out of sight than Pan, so she gets a lot more interaction along her trip.

Most of it is a long string of the same convenient “running into people who are helpful and friendly and have exactly the information she needs to move the plot along.” (More details on that below.)

When this happened in the original trilogy, it was the alethiometer deus-ex-machining her in the right direction, which worked! But here it seems to keep happening by accident. (She brings the alethiometer, but, as mentioned, she doesn’t use it.)

The Conveniently Helpful People also keep telling her (with minimal prompting, and what seems like total honesty?) whole backstories. All of which are more interesting than the actual narrative she’s going through.

They also occasionally mention God/the Authority, and Lyra doesn’t have much of a reaction. I wish, just once, she had snapped “it doesn’t matter what the Authority thinks! Or rather, what he used to think, since my boyfriend and I killed him when we were 12!”

The convenience also could’ve worked if Oakley Street agents were being cool and clever and actively tracking her journey in order to help. She does run into a few of them, but that seems to be by accident too.

And it could’ve worked if there was other magic steering her along — she keeps dropping the phrase “the secret commonwealth,” meaning the world’s hidden population of faeries and other supernatural creatures — but as of the end of the book, none of Lyra’s friendly helpers have been revealed to be anything other than human. (Some are modified in exotic ways, but they were human to start with, at least.)

Even farther towards the end of the book, after this long string of people being Conveniently Helpful For No Reason, she ends up in a train car with…and I wish I was making this up…a bunch of soldiers who are Inconveniently Attempted Rapists For No Reason.

That record-scratch moment your brain just did? That’s how it feels in the book, too. The attack comes out of nowhere, there’s suddenly a big action sequence with Lyra fighting back, their CO shows up and makes them let her go, and then she leaves the train and heads almost directly to the next bunch of Conveniently Helpful People.

If anyone wants more detailed spoilers, either to be prepared before reaching the scene or to decide whether you’ll read it at all, let me know.

To be blunt about one thing: from the in-scene descriptions I would’ve said none of these guys actually managed to get their dicks out, but a few days later we get the book’s first and only reference to Lyra having periods. And she doesn’t think “oh, thank republic-of-heavens, I’m not pregnant,” which suggests she knew it wasn’t a risk, but the whole Narrative Reason you write that in after an assault scene is because someone is afraid it’s a risk, so, what are you even doing, Pullman??

Okay, switching tracks.

Some of the people Lyra encounters, usually with personal stories that are way more interesting, and I wish they’d been [part of] the actual main plot:

A guy who meets her at a train station, says he has a friend who needs her help, leads her out into a maze of city streets where she explicitly thinks about how risky this is because she’s totally lost…but she does the mission and it’s fine and he leads her right back to the train station afterward.

The friend is a human who’s been modified by “a magician” to be some kind of fire-elemental person, and wants Lyra to help find his daemon, who was modified into a water-elemental form — a mermaid! This is cool and fascinating and scary and raises so many questions —

— and they get killed immediately after Lyra reunites them, and we never find out anything more about it.

The killer is the magician, who had been holding the water-sprite daemon captive. (And is possibly also the guy’s father? Finally, someone who can beat Marisa and Asriel in a “Bad Parenting Juice” drinking contest.) Which, again, is fascinating and evocative — how do you become a magician? Or are they born, like the witches? How many are there? What kinds of things are they doing in the world? —

— yeah, we don’t find out anything about that either.

Murderous Magician Dad just gives Lyra some helpful plot information, then sends her and the train-station guy off on their way.

A couple of guys who intervene when Lyra is being harassed at a bar.

They steer her outside, she’s prepared for a fight, but they hold up their hands and say they’re friendly, and also, they noticed someone steal the alethiometer bag off her earlier, so here, would she like it back?

They give her some helpful rumors, too. Don’t remember which specific ones, but they lead her to the next plot point.

A rich elderly princess who’s on the Daemonless International Support Group list, because her daemon fell in love (!) with another woman (!!) and eventually ran off with her (!!!).

Lyra thinks to herself that she’s seen other situations where a daemon and their human have different feelings about a romance. Just thinks it in passing, and then it’s gone. I want to see these situations! I want on-page exploration of multiple ways they can work! How do they correspond to the feelings of people in worlds where all the daemons are internal?

As for the princess, I already knew it was going to be a big scandal — two human women in that day and age could never be a couple, at least not in public, and A Literal Princess is a very public figure —

but then, in spite of the scandal, the princess moves in with the woman! And they travel together, they work together, they share a bed, she explains to Lyra that she played the role so thoroughly she made herself fall in love with the woman!

…and then it falls apart for some reason, and the princess leaves, but her daemon insists on staying. So that’s how they get separated. Deliberately walking away from each other.

There’s a brief reference to the idea of him wishing he was the other woman’s daemon, instead of the princess’s. How does that work? How do you get so disconnected from yourself, and in such a skewed partial-match with someone else, that you end up with that kind of yearning?

In case you can’t tell, I want to read this novel. I would trade the entirety of The Secret Commonwealth for this novel. No question, hands down.

Instead: Princess says “if you run into my daemon, tell him I’d like to see him again before we die?” Lyra says “sure, can do, thanks for the brunch.” And then, you guessed it, that whole scene is over and done with and we never get any follow-up on it again.

A pair of agents from Oakley Street, who say “hey, Lyra, have you considered using some basic disguise techniques, like dyeing your hair and wearing glasses?”

And then they give her a lovely haircut and a dye job and a spare pair of fake glasses.

This isn’t anywhere near the beginning of Lyra’s journey, by the way! This is more than 80% of the way through the book. There’s no special reason she needs it more after this point.

It’s like Pullman suddenly realized a disguise might help, wrote the scene at the point he had reached, and then never went back and edited to put it in a more meaningful location.

The stranger on a train who shows Lyra the deck of “exactly the same as an alethiometer” cards, gives her a demonstration of how to use them, and then leaves the whole deck behind for her to keep.

A married couple who don’t share any languages in common with Lyra, and don’t seem to have a lot of money…but feed her and let her stay at their house overnight, for free, even daemonless as she is. They also give her a free niqab so she can move around less conspicuously (she’s still injured from the fight with the soldiers).

A priest who invites her into his church, isn’t bothered when she takes off the niqab, helps treat her injuries, and gives her a motherlode of useful details about highly-illegal dealings he’s not even supposed to know about, but will unveil to this total stranger who just wandered in, because she needs them for the next plot point.

This when Lyra finds out that someone in this region has resurrected the Bolvangar method. But this time they aren’t kidnapping random children for it. No, they’re paying for it. If you’re poor enough, and desperate enough, and can’t spare any more kidneys, these people will buy your daemon to sell on the black market.

The city has a whole secret underclass of illegally-severed people working in the sewers.

Meanwhile, rich people who’ve been deserted by their daemons can purchase a stand-in. This is what Terrible Author did. Of course, it’s not a true replacement, but the dealers boast about their ability to make an excellent match.

There are also people who buy separated daemons for other scientific/experimental purposes. Details left to our imaginations.

This is a horrifying sinister mindblowing discovery, as much of a bombshell as the original Bolvangar was. I mean, it would’ve hit harder if Lyra had uncovered it by spying, or tricking someone into revealing the information, or anything more elaborate than “asking straightforward sorta-related questions and getting this whole sordid story infodumped by the first guy she asked,” but it’s still big.

So it’s gonna shake things up something fierce, right? Maybe Lyra won’t go full-on “calling in the cavalry to tear the place down” until Book 3, but this would be her new “stepping through the doorway into the sky” moment — where the horror of what she’s learned galvanizes her into making a pivotal decision, where she starts laying the groundwork for the revolution —

— no, of course not, this is where she starts going around to the hideouts of various undercover daemon-sellers and asking if they can help her find Pan.

Come on.

And this brings us to the end of the book. One of the black-market daemon-sellers guides Lyra to the creepy abandoned town where the final scene takes place.

In these last moments, the audience (but not Lyra) finds out that this guy has ulterior motives. Which would make it the first time in the whole book when “Lyra or Pan takes a Conveniently Helpful Person at face value with total credulity” turns out to be a bad idea.

(And, I mean, he’s a black-market daemon-seller. If anyone on that list was obviously an unethical scumball who shouldn’t be counted on….!)

Finally, a few things that don’t fit into any neat lists, but annoyed me enough to mention:

1) People curse in this book. Which is notable because they didn’t in HDM, and it wasn’t just the adults watching their mouths around tween Lyra — we got plenty of scenes that only had people like Mrs. Coulter and Lord Asriel in them. Those two would definitely be dropping f-bombs if it was a routine part of their world’s language, and this book reveals that it is.

So every time it happens it breaks your immersion, pointedly reminding you “this isn’t a real world, it’s a fake story where the author can switch the profanity-filter on and off at will.” Does it enhance the narrative in a way that’s worth the tradeoff? I don’t think so.

2) Before I read the book, I’d heard vague spoilers about “a character with a mermaid daemon,” and figured it was someone from a cool magical species — hopefully more expansion/exploration on the fairy from La Belle Sauvage whose daemon appeared to be “a whole flock of butterflies.”

But no, it’s a magically-modified human. His situation doesn’t get explored that deeply before he dies, or connect with anything else in the story. The fairy, meanwhile, does get mentioned when Malcolm tells Lyra about meeting her, but she doesn’t reappear or get any kind of follow-up.

In spite of the title, the only explicit appearance of any members of the “secret commonwealth” is some little glowing spirits, basically wights, that Lyra watches over the side of a gyptian boat one time.

3) There’s a scene where a bunch of people gather in a meeting hall to protest the Magisterium sabotaging their various rose-related livelihoods. A couple Magisterium reps are there. Malcolm is also there, and his POV basically goes “huh, looks like all the exits have gotten the doors shut. And barred. And suddenly they each have an armed Magisterium agent standing in front of them. That’s weird. Gonna keep quietly observing to find out what happens next.”

This guy is supposed to be a cool experienced anti-Magisterium spy! This is basically a giant neon sign flashing COMING UP NEXT: MASSACRE! (It is not a misdirect, either.)

And Malcolm sees it, but doesn’t read it, or take any action to try to subvert it, or even move to defend himself — it’s just like any cheesy horror movie where the audience is shouting LOOK BEHIND YOU at the unwitting character who’s about to get murdered.

Wrap-Up Thoughts

Whatever happens in the final volume of this trilogy, it might reveal things that redeem some of the problems in this book. But I’ll be honest, I’m not holding my breath.

And when I think about reveals that would address these problems, everything I come up with is stuff that should’ve just been in this book.

For example: let’s say the Fair Folk are directly involved after all, intervening to steer Lyra and Pan down the most convenient paths. In particular, the guy on the train who only appears long enough to give Lyra a set of alethiometry cards + a tutorial on how to use them — I really want him to be Fae. It’s so contrived and random if he’s not.

But the readers should know about it! Back in HDM, we would get scenes about the plans and activities of all the other factions at work. It might take a while to discover the exact details of (for example) the witches’ ultimate goal that Lyra was part of, but we knew they had a goal, and were supporting her in service of it. If the Secret Commonwealth is actively involved in the plot, we should’ve gotten that by now.

Semi-related: I feel like, if the rest of the book was better, then I’d have no trouble explaining a lot of the Lyra-specific issues as “she’s super-depressed, not in a place to make great choices or take a lot of decisive action.”

But it’s not like she’s drifting around in a trauma fog that hampers her ability to get things done. Her journey, while not perfect or threat-free, still comes together with improbable smoothness — as if the writing hasn’t noticed that she’s not being proactive and prescient and well-coordinated and overall super-competent about it. Meanwhile, other characters are underwhelming in the same way. (Looking at you, Malcolm “I Can’t Believe It’s Now a Bloodbath” Polstead.)

So it doesn’t seem like a conscious narrative choice to write Lyra this way. It just seems consistent with the complaints I have about everything else in the writing.

…let’s be honest, I’m almost certainly gonna read the third book anyway. I’m enough of a completist that it’ll bother me not to, I don’t have a lot of hard-stop dealbreakers that would make me bow out anyway, and, well, I do a lot of work that requires time-passing listening material. The Secret Commonwealth is nowhere near the most-frustrating audio I’ve used to fill that time.

But it hasn’t left me excited or optimistic or Shivering With Anticipation, either.

Mostly I just anticipate getting some useful stuff done while I listen, and then having a final set of reactions to work through in another one of these posts.

[kjammofficial]

OP from FB

So apart from watching youtube videos and sharing some reshared content on facebook, I haven't actually been socially active lately.

My messenger is blowing up and I haven't responded to a lot of messages. So, it's not that I'm not replying to you. I'm not replying to EVERYONE. Apart from asking some recommendations and replying to some pages who I need to get in touch with since I have a transaction with them. Other than that, anything else that's personal has just been lying around in my inbox.

Anyway, I've been pretty much out for the count, especially after what happened last time. I'm still pretty bummed out by it so I'm trying my best not to pass on my shit to anybody else. This is definitely going to be a looong ass extensive posts. Coz' here' what I thought, instead of making multiple posts about my shit, I'll just sum it up into one big pile of shit, right?!

First off, if you're selling something, right. Like, you're not a store, but a person just trying to make a living, selling your services, be sure to know how to treat people right. I was speaking with someone about getting some shit done and since I'm not familiar with the process, I had to ask, right? This mofo started laughing and proceed to tell me that I... "should come back and talk to him when I know what I was talking about." In this particular case, pricing. Holy shit the nerve of this dude. Okay, so I lost some money recently, that ain't no secret. But the audacity of this person, telling me, as if I ain't got nothing to pay for the shit I'm asking. You sir just lost 1 good possible customer. You seem to be doing well on your own anyway, but FUCK YOU anyway for looking down on me. I'm not a rich guy, but I know how to work around my finances and I CAN BUY SHIT THAT COSTS WAY MORE THAN WHAT YOU THINK, FUCKER! So yeah, I'll gladly tell more about this via PM if you're interested to know what this is so you too can avoid the person. The lesson here is, don't talk shit to potential customers. Whether you know or just think that they could probably afford shit or not, never straight up laugh at your customer. NEVER!

Alright, so that's enough screen time for that fucker. Next, sooooo.... I forgot what's supposed to be next. I think I was gonna write something about what happened. Oh, right. So, I recently lost my entire paycheck due to some issues around the house, right. This one's a bit too personal and even on private messages, I won't go into details about it. But, here's the thing that's annoying. You know how you prepare for your shit, and even though you're not good at planning. You desperately try to plan things out, just to make sure that you won't astronomically fuck things over by yourself, since you know how much you can get screwed over by your own. Right?! Well, la-dee-daah, look who screwed me over. Someone who didn't prepare for their own shit and now, for some reason, I had to deal with it. What did it cost me? 2 months worth of planning go poof, and 1 month of unpaid debt (cash loan). So, I'm still figuring out how to get back from that. I seem to have enough time until when my next paycheck comes, I haven't planned it yet though. Who knows what the fuck might screw me over by that time. I'll just have to sit it out and improvise.

Partially ditched my (closest) friends again, over a video game dispute. I mean, shiiiiiit I loooove me my video games. I can even say to some extent, it's all I have, next to them. And they just keep pissing me off for some stupid reasons. Like, yeah it was pretty dumb to be mad about it, but in my point of view, I was pretty certain they were aware. Like they were aware of how I am with games and probably not with any other games, but this game in particular. I'm not gonna state what game it is just for... whatever. I just don't understand... Okay so here's the thing, whenever I go dark, they eventually come to a point and ask "what's going on? Tell us what's wrong." So after you tell them what's wrong, you get that security that, these set of people are aware, they know how they should deal with your BS. Right?! Then here comes me throwing shade, and they just give up instantly. Like, I don't understand the point of me explaining to them what's wrong with me if they immediately, instantaneously give up, right?1 Like what's the point of telling a story, if after saying the lesson the reader just goes "let's do it again." I hate to say it but, while it is true that most of the time that we have "the talk" is between alcohol, but I gotta admit... it's sad when they just seem to pretend to listen. It's stupid how it started from video game dispute to not listening, right? Like I'm some kind of moody s/o or something. But that's how I feel, I mean, that's the best that I could explain how it feels. So, Idk, I'm not exactly writing this other than for my own pleasure so, eh... Not my problem if you can't translate.

Also, I've been unfollowing news outlets and skipping anything I scroll past that's political or covid related. I've actually been doing it ever since like April, but this time I'm almost hard committing to not getting involved. I mean, sometimes I get into flame wars in the comment section just for the heck of it. But I try to go into flame wars that I know I'm certain to win haha. Like, fr tho. I don't wanna get burned too much. But then again, I still also do my best to stay away from anything related at all.

As I'm writing this I actually paused a game I recently received as a gift. NieR:Automata™. I've been wanting to play this for a while now, especially when I found out that this is basically a bigger story-centered version of Stanley Parable did. I was like "oh shit, I gotta play this game." I'm not sure if I have been spoiled already when I saw reviews before, but hopefully, my description of the game here, doesn't ruin it for those who haven't played it yet too. Also, you have some dedication reading this post if you've made it this far. If you did, do send game recommendations. I like the ones that have an absurd number of multiple endings. I blame Stanley Parable for this, but I just really fancy the idea. Or at least a confusing one, like Control. I haven't played it yet but it's been out for a while. I know I wanted to play it since it was teased, but I never got the chance to grab the game yet, when it recently dropped in Steam. I was indeed spoiled about something about the ending, so, probably after NieR, my lists are as follows. (I'm not gonna make a bulleted list coz it'll be easily seen when anyone clicked "see more" and people be like "meh, just a bunch of lame gaming posts") So my lists is, for big title, I'm waiting for WD: Legion and CyberPunk 2077. Then comes Detroit become human, Control, Beyond: Two Souls. I have a bunch in mind that I wanna play but these are my focus for now. That's after I finished NieR.

Well, you've made it. You somehow read through this entire thing. I gotta say, I  actually had a lot of negative shit to posts. But I think my YouTube-ing, actually helped. I have been watching Smosh Pit. Holy guacamole Smosh is hella different than when I was first watching it back in 2010-2012. Anthony has long since left, and Ian has just been awkward to watch, sometimes. He looks like "when the boss tries to look quirky like the employees" whenever he's in a video, lol. But him and Anthony did establish the whole thing up, he probably got stuck to it after Anthony left. Since, you can't really just leave your legacy to a bunch of other people, right? Anyway, idk why I'm talking about that so.... You know the unfortunate thing is, after all this, nobody still really cares. Doesn't matter how much effort I put into socializing with people. After everything that I've gone through, once it's all said and done. At the end of the day, all I really have is myself. I think I've come to a point now that I've been doing self-love too much, that I've taken myself for granted. So, I'm just like "whatever" now. Nothing matters, we're all shitty people, we're all just a bunch of gas moving around, we're all gonna die, nobody's gonna know us as soon as 5 years after we died.

This is probably the only time I'm gonna say this on facebook or any of my other socials as I'm gonna try to hide it. I'm gonna do my own vlogging again. BUUUT it's not gonna be on anything that can be monetized. It's gonna be just my personal vlogs. I'll have it in my tumblr, what's my tumblr, that's for you to figure out. I've missed vlogging, and not the modern fancy ass vlogging that you see in YouTube. The vlogging I grew up with is literally just a video-blog/vlog, like a diary. So you take a video and you keep it somewhere. I didn't wanna upload it actually, I was gonna have it as a keepsake. But just for the heck of it, I'll put it in the internet so it's there forever. Unless tumblr gets taken down or do a friendster/myspace. So, yeah, I haven't posted anything yet, nor had taken a video. But as soon as I started rolling, I'll post it there and it'll just be a memory of me.

So yeah guys. Idk why you're reading this but thanks for your time anyway. Ya'll have a good one. I still don't feel like socializing but for my sanity's sake, I'll try to get back into responding into your messages. It's probably good for me too (I think). Byyeeeeeeeeeee~

Fin

[survivormontenegro]

Episode 9: “-28... negative. 28. negative. twenty. eight.” - Jason

i'm fully a psycho, i practiced my acting in the mirror to pretend I accidentally voted Ian. its a mess. a REAL mess. and I might have done it for no reason, they took it super well so maybe I... shouldn't tell Jason...

i literally am why Ian left. I wanted him out since round two, and I made it happen even though nobody wanted it to. I FINALLY ACTUALLY MADE A MOVE IN A GAME. I FINALLY DID SOMETHING I'M SO HAPPY asldfa. I could CRY, I can leave this game happy.

um da fuck alalkdgh well I aldlkj so alkjdfc;l.

^ decipher thats all I got.

No honestly I don't know what to think right now. Everyone went crazy last tribal and I feel like I need to explain myself a little bit? First off my alliance voted someone oppositely of what they told me they'd do. And secondly, they used me as a total fallback. And what made it me CRACKED asf was that they told me none of it. Like we talked in the morning about how shit was going to go down tonight and decided on Jason. We were all in agreement and it was in motion. Later Tom asked me what the vote was and I was told to tell him Ian. Except Alex told me that he told him Me. Without warning me. At all. Which is like shitty. So I kinda got paranoid and started asking around and seeing what was what, and thats when Tom came up to me and said that there was a big blindside to vote me off led by Alex. Of course, my initial thought was that this could be happening and he made this big plan to vote off Alex and I talked to Ali about it but ULTIMATELY I decided to go with Jason as I promised. My mistake I guess was telling Jones, who I really trusted, saying that they wanted to make a move on Alex but I trusted him and said I voted Jason. I only said so because I was worried that it might fall through and I might need to be saved by her idol. Which I know is hers of course and I don't want to dictate when she can use it but with this insanity going around I just was really nervous. But honestly I can't believe that Alex and them all just decided against voting Jason without telling me. They said it was to save me, which of course is true, but they didn't tell me. And it was SHITTY for Alex to not tell me that he threw my name to Tom, like truly dumb. I know I've said I might want him out soon a lot, but honestly I HAVE NO IDEA what I'm going to be doing with the next tribal. I do wanna say tho that I like him as a person a whole lot! He's sweet and loyal and really kind, I just think he's gonna end up dominating this game if people let him.

PS I don't know if Julia has a problem with me. We were suppose to be voting together for Jason, and while she doesn't owe me anything, she just wouldn't talk to me. Like I think I wouldn't have CRACKED so hard if I could just reach her and get a grip on how she was voting.

She's being chaotic on purpose but only to me? I don't get it.

okay I'm off the alliance call. I just sent a really like emo paragraph to my hostchat but I'm so happy, which is gross because I just did Ian so dirty but lemme explain.

I have played 7 games before this (3 Survivor, 4 Big Brother) - I've come 2nd in five of those games, and without exception I have never EVER played a game I'm proud of. I always make fun of my game for being crap. Like I'm always a goat, always crap, and always play passively.

I'm so excited about this season and this game because... I'm finally playing the game and a game I am proud of. Like I'm not fussed about winning or making FTC, because lets be real, it fully is not happening, but I wanna leave the season proud of my game. And I already so am, like... I've wanted Ian out since round two, and I've been determined to make it happen.

And I did that. I literally was angling to get him out via a vote switch and then when the vote split came up, I knew exactly what to do. I knew Ian would be less willing to make amends and more able to make connections. I knew Ian was a threat and so urgently needed to be removed because he could keep a grip on the game.

I can't believe that. In a tribe of twelve people, where nobody wanted Ian out (the four votes for him were all just for the sake of a vote split), and I singlehandedly forced it through. I saw a target, knew to make a move and got them out. IM SO HAPPY.

in other news... I am a psycho, I literally went to a mirror, practised how to look shocked and then went on that call and acted my HEART OUT. I think people bought it, but it is. the. most. cracked. thing. I. have. ever. done.

I'm now kinda stuck, because I have two options. Either I tell Jason what I did earning his trust, or I just... try and work with Jason without telling him. One is riskier with more potential long term benefit, and one is a much safer bet. I am gonna think on it and decide tomorrow.

Also I was really mean about Jones, Mo & Alex in my confessionals earlier. I take it back, on calls they are so FUN. I think they just aren't texting people so I don't judge. Doesn't mean I necessarily wanna go too far with them, but I love them as people and feel bad for being mean.

also since this round solidified that much as I'm proud of my game, I'm not making FTC, I'd rank people in the order I'd vote for them as a juror as:

Jules > Alex > Mitch > Tom > Benj > Jones > Julia > Jason > Caeleb > Mo

Jules/Alex/Mitch seem very switched on, Tom making it to the end would be a real underdog journey, Benj is a king and has the right idea with an undercover duo, Jones/Julia savvy queens, Jason actually also has an underdog story we will need to see with that one, Caeleb telling Jones about the Alex plan is a real dumb move imo which lowers his rank for me. Mo is my SON and I love him but would need to see more game from him to be comfortable voting him at FTC in any scenario.

also ian talking about dom not deserving to win switzerland set off kill bill red flags for me. nobody who talks about dom negatively lives to tell the tale, you go BYEBYE. but also ian ilysm, like you were a major threat and had to go, but on a personal level i love you with my whole heart.

okay last confessional for now, the two moods:

June 30th yeehaw

July 2nd

Extra notes:

Benj and i are working on the idol hunt together and I’m already on like,, 30 w him so it’s gucci, I’m not gonna tell Alex ab it or anything bc I kinda wanna try and stray away from him a bit?? Like he doesn’t have to know EVERYTHING Ab my advantages yk?

And I’m probs not gonna try and use the vote cover on anyone rn bc every single one of my allies is like,,, up for exposure???? So that’s wacky,,

Also bc Ian was absolutely ROBBED of jury we’re thinking it’s a F2

Bc OF COURSE IT IS which I’m not mad ab but I have to think ab who i’d Really want to sit with,,, best case scenario for me is probs Benj,, maybe Mo? Not too sure,, but um ya barbecue sauce on my thiddies here we go into f11 onward and upward amirite

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RGv10gbJxVU

this was b4 tribal 

So I lost Ian... and I'm kinda mad about it! I can't help but feel like I'm on my way to the jury because even the next day people are still acting super weird with me. I don't really understand how I'm a threat to anyone right now though??? Like I guess the Me/Ian power duo thing was valid but Ian's gone now so that argument should be moot.

I have no idea what to do moving forward. Up this point my game has been based on how I interpret conversations with people and how much I thought I could trust them... but I can't do shit if no one wants to talk to me (and I cannot stress ENOUGH how much sense this doesn't make).

The one good thing about me staying in the game I guess is I now have free reign to do whatever the fuck I want with my time left here. If I can blow up as many games as possible and stir the pot as much as I can at least I go out having fun?? Right?? But bottom line is I fully intend on lone-wolfing this game for however long I'm still here for.

My current first steps are to first throw Julia under the bus to Caeleb, and hopefully get something going with Caeleb. If I'm in with Caeleb, it might help with Alex, Jones, and Mo using me as a number.

Next is to pretty much sell my soul to the kingpin of this entire thing right now, Alex. I'm imagining a faux-Phillip Sheppard scenario where I tell Alex he owns my vote, but he doesn't really. I have no clue if he'd bite but it's worth trying because what the fuck else do I have left.

On the topic of Alex, I could also try to shift his attention into targeting someone like Mitch or Benj? I can embellish a little bit and tell Alex that Mitch is spreading a rumor that he has the Dirt People Idol or something along those lines.

Next on the (tentative) agenda is to talk with Jules and try to see where I stand with her. For some reason I feel the most burned by her from last tribal?? I don't trust her at all but as long as she thinks that door is still open I'll hear what she has to say. Maybe I can guilt her into giving me more info as well?

And the last thing I can think of is try making a better connection with Mo and Jones, and hopefully start some sort of game relationship with those two. I don't really see myself getting far with this one considering these two have been hit or miss in the conversations I've had with them, but there isn't anything worth not trying at this point.

Back to a less gamebotty point of view, I've honestly been oscillating between being angry and being upset about how last tribal broke down, mainly because I feel like Ali, Julia, and Mitch could've waited a lot longer to do something like this if they were worried about me and Ian (which I still believe they had very little reason to be worried right now in the first place). But I also feel like I had 9 doors slam in my face and the only person I can still be real with is Tom. I'm back at square one and I'm not happy about it, but I didn't come back to this godforsaken ORG to go down easy so I've gotta keep moving for as long as I can.

(Also I need to be willing to let go of Tom. I'm not gonna go out of my way to burn him, but I'm also beyond the point of wanting to stick my neck out too far for him. My longevity is the only priority right now.)

okay so... this vote is operation get Caeleb out of here. I really wanted to work with Caeleb, and I think he could have been a really useful number, but like... him telling Jones about the plan to vote Alex really, really rubbed me the wrong way. Like I do not trust him at all after that, I really do not know where we are at now.

So here is the goal. I'm about to call Jason and hopefully get him back on side. Then hopefully between Jules and I, we can convince Space Jam to vote Caeleb (I'm still confused how close he is to Mo/Jones/Alex, could be a good test). With Caeleb, a potential number for them, out of the way, next round its time for a big move, its time for one of Jones/Alex/Mo to go.

The numbers for that move would be (hopefully) Me, Jules, Julia, Tom, Jason, Mitch (6/10) + Benj hopefully, or at worst I'll just keep him in the loop. I really think Caeleb going could be so so good, it really opens up numbers and weakens Jones/Mo/Alex - it also narrows down where the idol is, something that we have to stay conscious of.

At the moment, my closest allies are definitely Jules and Benj. Jules is just.... the best, so woke, so on the ball, I am LOVING playing this season with them. Benj is such a king, my earliest like 'proper' ally even though Julia approached me after like 0.5 seconds in the game ha. I love Benj, and at the moment he also is quite out of the loop, he could also be a workable FTC option. I'm really stuck with Jules and FTC - you would be crazy to take Jules, as articulate and smart as they are, to FTC, but I really don't think I could face writing Jules' name down, I would feel AWFUL.

Also thoughts on Tom? He is too good for this world, he was so sweet about Ian/Jason going and like I really relate to the emotions he feels in games, on a personal level he is the best.

I feel like my plan going forwards is vote off Caeleb, then Alex, then Jones/Mo, and then figure it out from there. I really think if I play it right, I can slowly and calmly continue to have real swing over this game, I'm mc'loving it.

Also, because I keep doing this and its a fun pattern at this point, this is the order in which I would vote for people at FTC, if I go 11th at the moment:

Jules > Jason > Alex > Julia > Mitch > Jones > Tom > Benj > Caeleb > Mo

okay i just called Jason, such a king! i feel like i was VERY awkward, and I like I didn't articulate myself very well, but... he gets that we are going to need to potentially pull some shenanigans. I really want Caeleb then Alex, but if we need to just do Alex first, I can deal with that.

I think ideal situation is Tom wins immunity, Space Jam wants to vote Caeleb - we all go along with it, and then Alex goes next round, but we will see eek!

Oh wow hi it’s me, Mo.

So here’s the rundown on what’s happened the past couple rounds for my dumbass. First let’s start off with getting to merge, it’s a talent of mine, don’t look at my Italy placement. We’re out of that dumb fucking cave so no more waiting which is great. Another cool thing is I’m actually allies with Julia now which is weird because I’m going to be honest I was terrified of her going into this game. We had a past game experience that made me fearful. But now I’m sitting comfy in a majority alliance with Alex, Ali, Jones, Jules & Julia. By the way this is a first time thing for me, being in a majority alliance during merge. So this at least guarantees me final 7 or 6. It took me four tries to spell guarantees, who’s idea was it to put the u in front of the a it’s fucking stupid. But like here’s the thing, my gameplay is somewhat underwhelming. Basically my game relies on jury management and likability. Because I can’t strategize for shit, I just kinda smile and waddle forward when a door opens. I thought at this part of the game I would be close allies with Tom again but that didn’t happen. Apparently JJ told Tom about an alliance made in old Durmitor with Alex, Jules, Jones & Evan??? Made to like simmer JJ down. So now Tom doesn’t want to work with any of them (Which mind you three of them are my close allies) so he confronted Alex about it and I think he was like butthurt about not being included??? But like bitch I wasn’t included either but I’m not sulking about it. It wasn’t even a serious alliance. Also back to my alliances, sorry I know this is mixed up. MESSY, WHO BROUGHT NAPKINS IM GETTING MESSY. But I was also in an alliance with Alex, Jones & Caeleb after the swap. Called the Durmitor Dominators which is still a thing. But Caeleb wasn’t added to the Space Jam alliance with the group of 6 so I’m like??? What’s going on there??? I should probably talk about it with Alex because I am confusion. Also now there’s this new twist since we got out of the Dua Lipa cave, now we have to adjust to the sunlight with this exposure twist which basically means whoever gets eliminated gets to expose three people and whoever is exposed still by the tribal has to write who they’re voting for in chat. So I love that. But that’s about it for me thank you for taking the time to read this.

I DO NOT WANT TO BE VOTING JASON AT ALL THE FUCK I WANT TO GET ALEX THE FUCK OUT OF HERE BUT NO CAELEB APPARENTLY WANTS TO VOTE JASON I HATE THIS THEY REALLY ARE TRYING TO GET MY HOMIE JASON OUT!!! WAS I CONSPIRING AGAINST HIM AND IAN ALL WEEK? MAYBE SO! BUT I DON'T WANT HIM OUT YET!!! I DON'T!! WE ARE TRYING TO BLINDSIDE ALEX BUT THIS AIN'T WORKING UGHGHGHGHG *STOMPS ON THE GROUND* UGHGHGHGH I HATE THIS GOODBYE

Sooo besides the fact that it took me 5 minutes to find the confessional tab because I havent been doing these im here to update!!! Ian was just voted out and although i'm fine with it for now, I was NOT expecting a split vote. That makes me feel a little bit nervous going further into the game. I did think it was beneficial to split up the Jason/Ian duo but i was expecting Jason to go; not Ian. Anywho im almost positive im in the same predicament this vote. I've mended my relationship with Jason and im working very well with Tom to flip the script on Alex (who I believe to be running the game). Typically I would wait a few more rounds to get Alex out, but if everyone is playing for him to win, I might miss my opportunity like I did in my last season. I'm not blind! I'll do whatever it takes to go far and put myself in people's endgames. RN swapped Durmitor has the power. I dont necessarily like that because although im not on bad terms with them, I'm definitely on the bottom of that totem pole.

Tom sent seven confessionals in a row to be put at different places throughout this and last episode??? I guess??? But no thank you, so enjoy the thoughts in the order he apparently had them. ~Drew

*1 hour before tribal*

WHY IS ALEX SO CRACKED HONESTLY alex has said ian, caeleb and jason to 3 people i dont understand i am most likely getting played here but i dont want any of them to go, i see very high potential when working with all three of them so i think im going to try to make a big move and take out alex. I'm immune this round but next round im not so its a bit risky. I think Ali and Jules would be on board if there was the numbers there so if me ian jason julia ali and caeleb all voted together that would be majority and alex would be the first blindside of the game....

Tom

*10 hours before tribal council*

Everyone is pretty much dead silence i feel like everyone has an idea of who they would like to target but no one is really wanting to be the first person to throw a name out there so like its gonna get so fucking messy whilst im asleep and imma wake up to one big mess i already know it

Tom

*1-2 hours before tribal*

Okay so I've just woken up and i just spoke to alex and he seems like he just wants to do anything to get his ass safe this round which is sketch af, he is saying the vote is caeleb to me so thats cool and all but i asked caeleb what he was hearing just to get both sides and caeleb said alex said jason..... so like wtf is alex trying to do.....

TOM

ABORT MISSION ABORT MISSION sinking ship is near i cba voting for alex now that he has told jones, he did the same thing as evan and i am just ready for his ass to go out the door ugh im so annoyed!

Tom

OKAY I CANNOT DEAL WHO THE FUCK IS THIS CAELEB KID HONESTLY WHY ARE YOU SUCH A FUCKING IDIOT WHY DID YOU GO AND TELL JONES LITERALLY ALL OF WHAT I SAID....ITS A KNOWN FACT THAT THEY'RE A DUO OPEN YOUR STUPID EYES IDIOT!!!! THANKS SO MUCH NOW IMMA GET FUCKED OVER AND GET TARGETED BY ALEX AND HIS MINIONS NEXT ROUND. THIS IS WHAT I GET FOR TRYING TO SAVE SOMEONE I WANT TO WORK WITH IN THIS GAME....

Tom

*Tribal just happened*

Oh okay uhm well thats just fucking sad. I would like to say i never cry when a close ally is eliminated but i am a mess, i am crying right now at work and my driver is like "uhm are you okay..." yeah man im okay just crying over an ally that essentially died because i cant even speak to him anymore rip :( I miss ian so much i am so fucking furious that i am blindsided again at merge tho.... also really 9 people were in on that blindside split vote.....WOW! I am so surprised that ali and jules didnt tell me about the plan tbh they can say all they want about how they thought i knew but like if you thought i knew you should've just spoken to me about the vote.... like WHY THE FUCK WOULD YOU SPLIT UP JIAN when JONEX is still in the game they're much more dangerous and so much harder to get out every round we get closer.

Tom

waa waaa waaa call the wambulance! My plan is working so far i think tbh, mitch has been very responsive about this round and i am fairly certain that he has realised how fucked of a position he is in this game without me and jason here so he made an alliance chat which is good because that means he will work with us even just for this round. I think a lot of people now jian is out, have realised the next big big duo in this game is jalex so hopefully the movement on them occurs!

Tom

*hour after tribal*

Okay so this is shit me and jason are in minority and will most likely get votes split against us.... time to do something about it, in the past merges ive been too ive been in the bottom, and i was taken out this time it wont be happening as much as alex would like it too i will not let it happen! This cast seems to have fairly emotional sympathetic people in this game so imma express how sad i was at the tribal say i was balling my eyes out when ian left and how i feel so down and out and that i am very lost and sad in this game. Because this will make people feel bad for not including me in the plans and also it will create conversation for them to work with me to build my spirits up again and make me happy.

Just thinking about this exposure twist. Kinda cool actually. I'm surprised to say it but I think this might be the type of thing that I like to see??? Who am I. Kinda wish the reward challenge was more of a flash game over a typing game, only because I wanna know how hard the winner worked to get that score. Like for typing you kinda either are already good at it prior or you're shit at it, so I can't tell if Alex put in a bunch of time and effort to win. If it was some weird flash game that had a steep learning curve then I would know better and have a better grip on the game Alex is playing. Regardless, kinda excited about Benj having the curse because I think(?) that we can use that to actually do something crazy? Like I'm thinking a 5 vote blindside tie type situation where Benj throws out a red herring type of vote. We'll see, but I think I need to keep a low profile so who knows if that'll come to fruition.

okay mitch! has! been! elevated! to! king! status!

me and mitch have had a good conversation which I'm super SUPER happy about, he is someone who is in a similar spot to me, so I am SOOO happy we are talking yay. He agrees Alex needs to go soon, like... people are on the same page, maybe its time for it to hap' hap' happen.

since alex won reward, he'll of course save himself, which is fine. it means julia and benj are exposed, and while they're both close allies of mine, they are probably the two who would be in the toughest spot to vote alex, julia since she is like out of nowhere close to him, and benj since he is close to jones.

the plan could be to get alex and co to agree to another split vote or something, which separates numbers that could allow us to strike versus Alex. Maybe if we did like... Alex/Jones/Mo/Caleb on someone, Benj/Julia on another and then Me/Jason/Tom/Jules/Mitch on someone, making a 5-4-2 vote. oh god these merge vote counts have been so so cracked.

we will see. i think my placement this season is going to be like... 8th or something? I am scared of flipping for two votes in a row, BUT I feel like the good news is if I was getting voted out, either Tom or Benj would now hear about it, so I should be able to still play my idol. We will see ahh, but its very scary!

as always with my confessionals:

Bootlist: Alex > Caeleb > Jones > Jason > Mo > Mitch > Julia > Jules > Me/Tom/Benj F3

here is the problem though, I can't vote Jules out. I am such a Jules stan, voting them out would snap my heart it half, I really don't think I could do it. I think I would need others to do it, I'd probably want to be blindsided by it and kept in the dark.

and then the order I would vote people in an FTC:

Jules > Alex > Jason > Mitch > Benj > Julia > Tom > Jones > Caeleb > Mo

Ok so now I’m getting added to a third alliance chat which is supposedly a final 3 alliance. But like here’s the thing, I’d be sitting next to Jones & Alex. I have a snowballs chance in hell of winning against either of them. Everyone loves Jones and Alex has been kinda running this game so far. I’m just kinda his goat. Don’t get me wrong I wanna start making some moves but it’s too early, right now I want to stay unthreatening and low key. I might just have to ride this coat tail to the end because if we have bitter jurors they’ll end up looking at Alex.

So Alex says he didnt read the challenge post... yet came 2nd?

I dont buy it, I fully believe if I ask Benj and others what Alex asked to give him, he will say negatives. He is such a fraud.

also this split vote will be his undoing... his ass is about to be grass... mwahahahahha

-28... negative. 28. negative. twenty. eight. what the FUCK did i do to these people??

I don't even know where to go from here.

...but I mean I kinda do.

I can use this to further push the narrative that I've got no one and hence nowhere near the biggest threat/I'm the easiest target there is and HOPEFULLY people take their eyes off of me.

Aside from that what I WANT to do is vote Alex out (big change from my last confessional, I know). I think I have Tom and Jules on board if I were to pitch it to them, same with Mitch and Ali. I MIGHT have Caeleb but he ran it back to Jones last round so the precedent's already set. So from there to have a five vote majority was I was considering to split the other 6 votes. Julia and Benj are getting their votes exposed so they probably want to vote majority, which I'm anticipating to be someone like myself, Tom, or Caeleb. Ideally, the vote splits one of two ways— NEVERMIND

!! BREAKING !!

Tom says via Ali that Alex thinks that the 9 that split their vote on me and Ian are gonna split their vote again on me and Tom, but Ali isn't on board with that (if he's being honest), and I'd have to assume the same goes for Mitch since there's now a chat with myself him and Tom. So the plan from there (which ties into what I was planning anyway) is to get Jules on board (we called the day after tribal, she SOUNDS like she'd be down), and let the rest of them split their vote.

So that means...

FUCK Alex

FUCK Caeleb

FUCK Julia

FUCK the rest of em bc who??

[but not really it's a game I don't mean it]

But as far as tribal plans right now go... ideally it turns out

5-4-2

5: Me/Tom/Mitch/Ali/Jules for Alex

4-2: Some combination of Alex/Mo/Caeleb/Jones/Julia/Benj for me/Tom

I probably get the 4 again, Tom gets 2... or other way around??? I get the 2 if Mitch/Ali/Jules are meant to vote for me?

But anyways don't be shocked if this is all for nothing and this is my last confessional x

god... negative 28...

i am so frustrated with julia. okay so tom told me apparently on call she said she has a F3 with Alex/Jones, specifically a F2 with Alex. Now... I fully feel like Tom made this up, BUT I asked Julia about the vote and she says she wants to ride out the Space Jam alliance...

is she nuts. is she NUTS kjlasdfas. Literally I feel like WAY too much of this tribe is drinking the Alex Kool-Aid and I can't describe how frustrating it is lowkey. Like I sided with Alex relying on like... Julia's wokeness that we could then detach ourselves, Alex is now FULLY running this tribe and it terrifies me.

It solidifies to me that Alex needs to go this round. Like....this round. He is running this tribe, he has grips on Jones/Mo/Caeleb/Julia, and potentially Benj through Jones. That is SUCH a large amount of this tribe, so I need to stick my neck out. I'm fully embracing that I'm not making FTC at this rate, so it's just time to shake stuff up.

Here is the plan. I am going to play into the split vote plan, we can get Alex and his minions as they shall henceforth be called to split their votes between Jason and Tom, and then maybe Me/Tom/Jules/Mitch/Jason vote out Alex or any of his minions, I don't care which.

At this rate, I'm going to be going into F10 in a potential 5-5 situation, but honestly... Jones/Mo say about a word and a half of game between them each round so they are not workable allies, Julia who flips at literally the drop of a hat is suddenly misted by Alex and Co., Caeleb is just infuriating for telling Jones about the Alex vote, shows he can't be trusted. That leaves only Benj my king, the only woke one, though I am afraid of his connection to Jones.

I just WISH this TRIBE would use their BRAINS. Specifically Julia at the minute.

I’m so TIRED I’ve been so quiet maybe that’s why people are thinking about targeting me :)

Ok ok lemme back up a lil,, this is all according to Alex,, which,,,,,,, idk about YALL but he’s giving off a bit of a paranoid energy right now,, and I’m fully aware of the fact that he has the best chance at winning this game out of anyone here, sooooo maybe let him get eaten by the wolves soon? Not necessarily soon but like,, ya soon. Don’t wanna get him to the end skkdkdkdks. I also think separating myself from Alex might take a target off of MY back, I’ve been trying to separate myself like on my own terms but I think I need to start like,,, setting the stage kind of thing. Idk all I know is that I have a better chance sitting with anyone BUT him,, So maybe it wouldn’t be a bad thing to push Alex into the fire a little bit.

I have yet to hear a name, though I’d like to get Tom out personally? He can slide utr really easily,, plus we can (or at least I can) confirm he doesn’t have an idol, the only question is does Jason have an idol and is willing to play it on the only person he voted with? Who KNOWS!! We just have to make them feel comfy (assuming we have the majority vote that is KSKSKS)

But ya stay tuned laid ease

okay so alex is really trying to play me and its very transparent. now, this could just be tom playing which if so, good for him, his mind and his MIST, but here is the deal.

tom tells me him and alex had a conversation about pairs, where Tom threw out Alex/Jones as a pair, and Alex threw out Julia and I. Then in Alex's retelling of that same conversation, side note its funny that I heard the same conversation from both sides in the space of about 10 minutes, Alex conveniently leaves out that he threw out me and Julia as a pair, and he is SO defensive about him and Jones as a pair.

Jones was on my ass immediately when Caeleb told her Alex could be the vote, and Alex also knew super fast. You are really going to try and convince me that you aren't even close when you have spent 23 days on a tribe together, and from the sounds of things, voted together every single time! im not buying it.

for this vote, i want either alex or an alex minion out, i think mo would be the most do-able. jones is close to caeleb, who we will need as a number, so if alex's idol paranoia is too big, maybe we need to remove mo from the equation? we will see.

mo is my org son, and i love him on calls and such, but I am confused by the game he is playing. I'm potentially super underestimating him, which is a definite possibility, but at the moment.... its like... do something charlie. is he just going to hide behind Jones and Alex, because that's not smart.

i would like to see Alex go this vote, but i think he is already too paranoid (i think tom stoked his paranoia WAY too much). I think Mo could end up being the back up vote, which is probably actually okay, because Alex is a definite shield moving forwards, particularly if still paired with Jones.

Updated Jury Vote Rankings:

Jules > Alex > Jason > Tom > Mitch > Benj > Julia > Jones > Caeleb > Mo

okay I'm like... getting frustrated with Alex. he literally does not know how to be subtle about anything lowkey, like this vote split is literally his 4 OG Durmitors voting 'correctly', leaving all his unsure numbers Me/Jules/Julia/Benj on Jason... like mc'what...

i really want him gone, EVERYONE is drinking the Alex Kool-Aid. Maybe I'm not seeing it, but Jones and Mo particularly are playing SO passively, I fully want to scream.

I need to convince Caeleb to make a move. It's really time to just send Alex, or literally any of his minions out of here. I want to include Julia so badly, but she is so blindly misted by him out of nowhere, I hate it UGH.

I think I want Alex and Mo out as the next two votes, Alex runs the show and Mo is just too passive of a player to be a workable ally. Jones is much more of a threat, but Benj likes her and I want to respect.

I just can't deal with Alex and Co. playing so passively for another round, I'll scream KLASDFA.

Alex aka Gru (because of his minions) unfortunately goes byebye tonight. It took a bit of last minute persuading of Caeleb, but we have GOT THIS ahh.

It looks like its going to be either 6 votes or 5 if Tom self-votes on Alex (Me, Caeleb, Jules, Tom, Jason & Mitch), 3 on Tom (Jones, Mo & Alex) and 2 on Jason (Julia and Benj).

This could definitely backfire, but I don't think I'll go home (famous last words), and if Tom/Jason gets idoled out, next round there is still wiggle room because I still have my KING Benj on the other side. Jones/Mo/Julia are going to be coming for my neck, but I'd rather face the minions than Gru himself NNN,

i might live to regret this if Caeleb turns on me, but I take back everything negative I've EVER said about Caeleb. He is an icon, and so so fun to talk to. I feel like he really trusts me now, so I can't turn on him unless I have to.

New goal final five is Me/Jules/Benj/Tom/Caeleb... and I think its do-able. We get Alex out this vote, then Julia/Mo/Jones/Jason as the next four, followed by Mitch... I'm not sure how exactly, but we will figure it out AHH.

[mousedetective]

Never Will I Forget The Deep Shadows, Never Will I Waste The Moon’s Light (15/16 + Epilogue)

And it’s almost finished! Yay! Now the other half of the prophecy comes into play and they make their plans to get out of there. And remember, tomorrow is the actual posting at WIP Big Bang, so check the AO3 post for gorgeous art from @redrackham87!

Never Will I Forget The Deep Shadows, Never Will I Waste The Moon’s Light - The Holmes brothers come from a long line of powerful magic practitioners, but they are forced to keep their skills a secret. When Molly accidentally finds out about Sherlock’s powers and doesn’t turn away from him he slowly realizes that this pleases him, but soon enough he gets careless and is put in a position he would rather not be in, especially when others find out that she knows and attempt to use her as a pawn in their own games and machinations.

Read Chapter 1 | Read Chapter 15 | Buy Me A Coffee? | Send Me A Prompt

Another day passed with more gifts from the ravens. He was surprised there was not another visit from Toby, but Molly’s body temperature had stayed consistently warm, more or less, and he just assumed that either Toby was trying to find someone to communicate with or Mycroft was trying to figure out how to free them. With the knowledge he had from the Oracle and the fact that Moriarty had been able to take out a team of some of the most skilled of their kind as if it were nothing, he would be considering any rescue plans carefully.

In the meantime, all he could do was wait with Molly and see if there were any gaps in their cell that he could use to weaken the barriers being used to keep him from doing magic.

Since Molly was no longer so deathly cold, he had taken the opportunity to cover every inch of the cell he could. Even though he was tall he could not view the ceiling, that rankled him. He had the feeling that was one of the reasons that they had not been given a cot in the cell: the wards were not etched all around the cell but were instead above them, all over the ceiling. If he could just find a way to see them, or to interfere with even one single bit of the magic, then he might succeed in being able to thwart Moriarty’s plans to make him weak.

Just as the sun hit midday an idea hit him. “Never waste the moon’s light,” he murmured to himself before moving towards the window. He had no idea if the ravens would know he was there; he couldn’t look out, just place items on the sill, but he need a favour from the birds. The fact that he couldn’t touch the window didn’t mean he couldn’t use the light coming in through it…

...so long as he had a mirror.

It seemed the ravens could sense him and not just see the rubbish on the windowsill because soon he heard the soft flutter of wings above him. “I need a small mirror,” he said, hoping the understood the human language. “And I need it before the moon hits the window and the light enters the cell. Can you get that for me?” There was a rustling of feathers in response and then silence. Better than a squawk, he supposed; at least if Moriarty was listening he might think him daft or the birds ignoring him.

Which led him to wonder how much surveillance they were under. By now Moriarty had to realize the ravens were gifting them with food and drink, because Molly was not ill from hunger and dehydration. He should also have realized Molly was no longer shivering and huddled under his suit jacket. The fact he had not come to check on them had initially made Sherlock think they were well supervised but now he wondered. That bit of hubris might be Moriarty’s downfall, unless the only kind of observation they were under was magical.

That would make messing with any wards that had been set much harder.

He went back to Molly and dozed until he heard a small clink on the window’s sill some time later. Unlike the gifts of food and drink, whatever was set down was not pushed down onto the cell floor, so Sherlock had to reach for it with his fingertips. He felt smooth metal in a ridged pattern under his fingertips and carefully edged it off, and soon was holding a women’s compact mirror. When he opened it up he saw it was a double mirror, which made him even more sure that these ravens were magical birds. He would have two magnifications to use to project the moonlight up onto the ceiling and possibly, hopefully, find something out and maybe do something to get his own magic back.

It wasn’t dark yet and so he went back over to Molly. Even with the gifts of food and drink it wasn’t full meals and it wasn’t really enough for both of them, and she kept insisting on giving him part of the gifts. That left her weak and sleeping most of the time, and he kept her close when she was asleep. He would keep her safe no matter what, even if it cost him his own life. He had decided that early on in their captivity. The world needed her more than it needed him, really, even though she might disagree.

They were friends now, of that he could no longer have any doubt. But it went beyond the friendship he had with anyone else, even John. She was, in the ways that counted, the one that mattered most. If he could tell her that, he would. She deserved to know. But she needed to rest, to keep her energy, and keeping her close put him at ease. While he waited for the sun to set and the moon to rise, he held her on his lap, brushing back her hair and trying to somehow let her know he cared.

She had woken up once the moon had risen and he had shown her the compact but not explained what he was going to do, partly because he wasn’t sure what he was going to do. Prophecies were either usually very detailed or very much a riddle, and he had been unfortunate enough to get one of the riddles. The shadows part had been explained by being able to get help from Toby via Shadow-walking, but the moonlight part...that was trickier.

Once the moonlight was in the cell, he put the mirror in its path and focused the reflection of its light up to the ceiling. He had been using the weaker end and saw nothing, but at one point the compact flattened and both parts were in the moonlight, and suddenly he heard Molly’s sharp intake of breath. “Sherlock!” she said, and he saw she was pointing to the ceiling.

She had been able to see wisps of his magic before, but for her to see even a portion of what he was seeing must have meant there was an astounding amount of glyphs in the room. Almost every inch of stone above them would have to have magic scribbled onto it. The question became, was it etched in magically or was it done more mundanely?

And before he could even think more there seemed to be a sharp chittering of birdsong outside the window and suddenly there were birds all around the ceiling, flying against it, touching every inch of stone above them. Occasionally feathers dropped on their heads, but Sherlock slowly felt the wards that were binding him from using magic begin to weaken as the various birds flew around the cell. Apparently the glyphs were all written on and not magically etched onto the stone.

Moriarty was rather more of an overconfident idiot than Sherlock had thought.

Eventually all of the birds flew out the window and Sherlock decided to practice his telekinesis. He looked at the compact still in his hands and willed for it to move. It lifted up a few inches, which was not as good as usual, but would do for now. He gathered that not all the wards were lifted, but enough were for him to practice and maintain his strength. As long as he was careful, when Moriarty came to pay them a visit again, he would be in for a nasty surprise.

[foxsoftware934]

Crusader Kings 3 On Mac

Crusader Kings 3 On Macbook

Crusader Kings 3 On Mac Pc

Crusader Kings 3 On Mac Pc

Crusader Kings 3 Free Download

Paradox Development Studio brings you the sequel to one of the most popular strategy games ever made. Crusader Kings III is the heir to a long legacy of historical grand strategy experiences and arrives with a host of new ways to ensure the success of your royal house.

History

Crusader Kings III is the heir to a long legacy of historical grand strategy experiences and arrives with a host of new ways to ensure the success of your royal house. Choose a royal or noble house from a number of realms on a map that stretches from Iceland to India, from the Arctic Circle to Central Africa. Sep 03, 2020 Crusader Kings III has finally released for the Microsoft Windows, macOS, Linux, Macintosh OS.

Choose a royal or noble house from a number of realms on a map that stretches from Iceland to India, from the Arctic Circle to Central Africa.

Guide a dynasty through the centuries, ensuring the security and power of each new generation. Gather new lands and titles to cement your legacy.

Be a pious king to bring the religious powers to your side, or strike out on your own, designing your own splinter religion and earning everlasting fame or eternal damnation.

Knights, peasant revolts, pilgrimages, Viking raiders.. experience the drama and pageantry of the Middle Ages.

Character

Adopt one of five different lifestyles, perfecting your skills in military strategy or kingdom management.

Acquire character traits that will guide your actions, but beware if you act against your nature! The stress from denying your truest self could bring a new host of troubles!

Choose appropriate guardians for your heirs, or train them yourself. But what do you do if the legal heir is not quite up to the job?

Violent characters may develop a fearsome reputation, cowering your timid subjects into obedience with the dread you inspire.

Warfare

Recruit men-at-arms units and powerful knights to supplement your royal levies. Research new technologies to increase the wealth and military might of your realm. Hire mercenaries and Holy Orders for your major wars. Supplement your income with ransomed prisoners or raiding parties on neighboring realms.

Intrigue

Use your spymaster to discover plots against your dynasty and your rule.

Recruit agents to assist your schemes to undermine or murder anyone who stands between you and power.

Seduce other characters for love or political power.

Gather information for blackmailing purposes or call in favors whenever your plans need an extra bit of influence.

Hello there and welcome to the world of Crusader Kings III!

On this page you will find links to important information about Crusader Kings III, such as the currently known issues, our FAQ located on our Wiki, where to file a bug report, the system requirements of the game and much more! We will keep the list of Currently Known Issues up-to-date!

If you are new to Crusader Kings III, scroll down after the system requirements to check out content that could come in handy!

Currently Known Issues (Updated September 4)

Issues that can be fixed by users

(Compatibility)(Win 8.1) Title fails to launch on Win 8.1 until Windows Update is run. This issue is resolved by the player running Windows Update

(Compatibility) Out of date drivers can cause the map zoom to ‘lock’ and only zoom in/out on Coat of Arms. This issue is resolved by the player updating their drivers

(Mac) Paradox launcher not opening when playing from Steam on macOS Catalina. Resolution: Verifying game files (send crash files via our bug reports)

Issues under investigation

(Plaza) (Linux) No Achievements available on PDX Plaza on Linux

(Engine) (Map Editor) (CTD) – Repacking a heightmap leads to constant crashes (affects modders)

(Achievements) Saves are not compatible with any achievement that requires Players to start as specific Character

(Save File) Changing data in one of the save files will disable Load Game functionality

(Camera) Camera can turn black and rotate entirely out of view if you have a controller plugged in

(EDIT: September 4) New issues and directions to solve them

Disabling antivirus A lot of users have experienced issues due to their antivirus blocking the game or files associated with the game. We’ve seen some users be able to bypass a lot of issues by allowing the CK3 app and Launcher to not be flagged by your antivirus.

Disabling ransomware protection on Windows 10 From the start menu, type “Ransomware” and go to the Ransomware Protection settings. If Ransomware Protection is on, add ck3.exe and paradoxlauncher.exe to the allowed apps.

Unplugging controllers, gamepads and other gaming peripherals A lot of players have noticed a wide array of issues that have been resolved by unplugging controllers, gamepads and various other gaming peripherals.

Verifying game files (Steam)

Right click the game in your libraries on Steam

Select “Properties”

Select “Local Files”

Press “Verify integrity of the game files”

Minimum specs Please also be aware of the minimum specs for running CK3, should your machine be below these requirements it may impact your ability to run the game.

Allow the game access to read and write to disk (MacOS only) Go to the system settings, under Software make sure that ck3 is allowed access to edit and read files on your computer.

OpenGL version (Linux only) https://foxsoftware934.tumblr.com/post/653013498277888000/tesonet-nordvpn. Make sure that your version of OpenGL is at least 3.3. You can check this with “glxinfo | grep OpenGL”. We do not support any version below 3.3.

Where and how to file a bug report

Filing a bug report can truly help our development team. You should definitely go to our bug report forums here. It is where our team gathers all issues. You can also drop a ticket to our support team here – but use this as a last resort or if the issue is tied to something else than the game itself.

In order to help our QA (and you!), we wanted to provide you with some guidelines on how to write a bug report. If your reports follow the same structure it will help us quickly identify (and hopefully reproduce) the issues, which in turn will make us more efficient. We will start with writing what a bug report should contain, and then give you an example to make things more clear. Our motto is “Less is More” – the shorter and more concise the description, the easier it is for us to log it in our system and, ultimately, fix whatever is bugging you!

Modo Individual is strictly for ‘individual/personal' users or is a legal entity in the direct ownership of a single natural person. We require all companies to use Modo for Business or Modo for Enterprise. Buy $1,909. Single user license for individual professionals. Modo Plus members get the lowest hourly rate, with no monthly administrative fees. Under this plan, you are a member-owner, with the right to vote. Your $500 share purchase makes a valuable contribution to the co-op and is returned to you when you quit the service. Membership & admin fees. Modo Subscription. With annual subscription for Modo, you can get easy, affordable access to the latest version of Modo. Get in the game for less upfront: choose between paying your annual fee by low monthly installments, or save even more by paying your full year’s subscription in advance. Modo price. Modo charges a simple monthly price – not per transaction, per payment, or per API call. The more checkouts you do each month, the cheaper we get. Just like the rest of your business.

New to Crusader Kings III?

New to the world of Crusader Kings and you wish to know more before delving into the game? Check these links and playlists!

Introductory series: get familiar with Crusader Kings III and its important concepts!

Monthly Update series: tackles the vision, features and mechanics implemented in the game from a development standpoint.

Want more specific information regarding the game? Check our Wiki and our FAQ!

System Requirements

Windows MINIMUM: Requires a 64-bit processor and operating system OS: Windows® 8.1 64 bit or Windows® 10 Home 64 bit Processor: Intel® iCore™i3-2120 or AMD® FX 6350 Memory: 6 GB RAM Graphics: Nvidia® GeForce™ GTX 460 (1GB) or AMD® Radeon™ HD 7870 (2GB), Intel® Iris Pro™ 580 or Intel® Iris® Plus G7 or AMD® Radeon™ Vega 11 Storage: 8 GB available space

Crusader Kings 3 On Macbook

RECOMMENDED: Requires a 64-bit processor and operating system OS: Windows® 10 Home 64 bit Processor: Intel® iCore™ i5-4670K or AMD® Ryzen™ 5 2400G Memory: 8 GB RAM Graphics: Nvidia® GeForce™ GTX 1650 (4GB) or AMD® Radeon™ R9 390X (8GB) Storage: 8 GB available space

Mac OS X MINIMUM: Requires a 64-bit processor and operating system OS: Mojave (MAC OS X 10.14) Processor: Intel® iCore™ i7-7820HQ Memory: 12 GB RAM Graphics: AMD® Radeon™ PRO 560 (4GB) Storage: 8 GB available space

Crusader Kings 3 On Mac Pc

RECOMMENDED: Requires a 64-bit processor and operating system OS: Mojave (MAC OS X 10.14) Processor: Intel® iCore™ i5-7600K Memory: 16 GB RAM Graphics: AMD® Radeon™ PRO 580 (8GB) Storage: 8 GB available space

Crusader Kings 3 On Mac Pc

Steam OS + Linux MINIMUM: Requires a 64-bit processor and operating system OS: Ubuntu 18.04 Processor: Intel® iCore™i3-2120 or AMD® FX 6350 Memory: 6 GB RAM Graphics: Nvidia® GeForce™ GTX 460 (1GB) or AMD® Radeon™ HD 7870 (2GB), Intel® Iris Pro™ 580 or Intel® Iris® Plus G7 or AMD® Radeon™ Vega 11 Storage: 8 GB available space

Crusader Kings 3 Free Download

RECOMMENDED: Requires a 64-bit processor and operating system OS: Ubuntu 18.04 Processor: Intel® iCore™ i5-4670K or AMD® Ryzen™ 5 2400G Memory: 8 GB RAM Graphics: Nvidia® GeForce™ GTX 1650 (4GB) or AMD® Radeon™ R9 390X (8GB) Storage: 8 GB available space

Join our forums or our official Discord!

[mikemortgage]

Testing Apple’s new Screen Time parental controls: First came tears, then frustration.

“Don’t set the time limit. I can be reasonable!” pleads 9-year-old Tazio, looking up from his iPad.

It’s not always fun owning an iPad that a parent can remotely shut off. Also not easy: Trying to parent via new digital “Screen Time” controls.

Coming soon to an iPad or iPhone near you, Apple’s iOS 12 adds menus, buttons and bar charts to help monitor and control what kids (and adults) do with their devices. It’s a good thing that Apple, along with Amazon and Google, now acknowledge tech can be disruptive, if not addictive.

But anyone looking for help from this software may be in for a surprise. It might make parenting more difficult. One example: Apple’s bad default settings give kids access to NC-17 movies, explicit books and the entire web — even when it knows their exact age.

We have reached ‘peak screen’ — now revolution is in the air as tech giants work to give our eyes a break

‘The only electricity we use is one lamp’: Apple execs, Facebook billionaires embrace tech diets for devices, services they helped create

Digital Life: Cutting back on a constant smartphone habit

A focus on the family is overdue. As of 2017, 42 per cent of American kids ages 0 to 8 have their own tablets — and 78 per cent have access to one somewhere in the home, according to the nonprofit Common Sense Media. Most of these are iPads, often hand-me-downs, offered with trepidation to kids who zone out like zombies or melt down when they’re taken away. Apple has previously offered some parental restrictions, but they were incomplete.

Is there a kid-proof tablet? For the last few weeks, I’ve been conducting an experiment with Tazio, the 9-year-old son of my editor. He wanted his first tablet — and his mother was wary. So I set up the family with two devices: One is a US$330 iPad running a pre-release version of iOS 12 with Screen Time (available widely in the coming weeks). The other is one of the iPad’s few competitors in the family market, the US$200 Amazon Fire HD 10 Kids Edition tablet running Amazon’s version of Android.

Amazon CEO Jeff Bezos owns The Washington Post, but I review all technology with the same critical eye.

Playing technical adviser to navigate this real family challenge, I was surprised how difficult Apple’s parental software was to use. Even discounting for beta-software bugs Apple will hopefully squash, Screen Time is one of Apple’s weakest software launches in years. Apple treats parents like IT administrators for their kids, saddled with a zillion choices to make and knobs to adjust.

Amazon’s Fire Kids Edition was designed as a product for kids, and is more like a day care where someone else has picked the books and games, put deadbolts on all the doors and painted the walls electric blue. It’s a safer place to leave kids than Appleland, but the kids may get bored – and be jealous of the fun friends are having elsewhere.

I don’t mean to discourage parents from using these tools. But I recommend going in understanding how the software works, and how much it will require of you.

_ _ _

How Apple Screen Time works – and doesn’t

Our experiment began in tears.

Tazio, my pint-size reviewer, was setting up his iPad when his younger brother happened by. He wanted an iPad, too, but we only had one. An epic meltdown ensued.

Why couldn’t we share? Blame Apple, little buddy: It designed iOS 12 to work with only one account per device (outside of schools) and Tazio was already using it.

A child account is at the heart of how Screen Time works. Parents create one through their own Apple ID settings, assigning the kid his own email address and password that’s associated with a guardian. It gives parents the power to approve downloads and control functions. (The video above walks through the setup basics.)

Here’s the next head scratcher: Even though Apple knows the child’s age, the default settings are not child-appropriate. They don’t restrict explicit content, add privacy protections such as limiting sharing location data or spare kids annoying system questions. Yes, parents can remotely change these settings and approve media purchases, but defaults matter.

Parents can decide what apps are available, what chunk of the day the iPad is off limits, and how many minutes different categories of apps (such as games) can be used. They get a bar-chart readout of the child’s device use during the current day and the previous week.

Managing settings on your own device is a once-every-few months thing. Managing Screen Time for kids is much more work because parenting requires frequent negotiation. Aside from a first-time setup window that covers some Screen Time features, controls can be buried behind half a dozen clicks in settings menus where few venture. Even I couldn’t figure out how to set a daily time limit for a specific app without asking Apple for instructions.

We also found loopholes. If you’re watching a video on Netflix and then press the home button to make it appear as a picture-in-picture, the minutes won’t count against your Screen Time limit. Junior could watch all day long.

Time limits are rigid, and especially annoying for kids when they’re almost at the end of a game or movie. Tazio came to treat his limits like an allowance, guarding them carefully and using them as a negotiating tactic with mom.

Apple does let kids request time extensions, which pop up as a notification on parents’ devices. If you’re thinking those requests might get annoying quick, you’re right.

– – –

The Amazon Alternative

Where Apple left Tazio’s mom to make lots of choices, Amazon pre-decided many for her — for better and worse.

The biggest difference is that Fire Kids Edition tablets come with a year’s worth of Amazon’s FreeTime Unlimited service, which includes access to 15,000 apps and games, videos, books, and educational content from sources including PBS Kids, Nickelodeon and Disney. (After a year, they charge US$3 per month for Prime members.) Based on the kids’ age and gender, Amazon shows the kids content it thinks they might be interested in. Tazio got a lot of Star Wars.

Amazon says it has vetted all that content, had most ads removed, as well as removed appeals for in-app purchase upgrades (none of which Apple did). While kids can peruse all that content, there’s no app or bookstore in the kids mode. Parents can buy and manually add in other apps, movies and books purchased from Amazon via their own accounts.

Amazon’s tablet can also be shared by parents and multiple siblings, each of whom get their own age-tailored experience by swapping logins. (Younger brother crisis averted.)

Also unlike Apple, Amazon by default puts additional restrictions in place for all apps that run in its Kids Edition tablets. They can’t send location data to third parties. Talking assistant Alexa is turned off.

With the Fire, parents access a dashboard view of their child’s account through a web link that, like Apple’s Screen Time, includes data about what he’s doing on his device that day and over the previous week, as well as the ability to set time restrictions for types of activity. An app would have been superior to its website, but it did offer an awesome button missing from Apple: “Pause devices” now.

Amazon’s software also allows parents to incentivize behavior. We set Tazio’s Fire tablet to allow him to play games only after he had completed a half-hour of reading. It worked. He even woke up early to burn through his reading so he could get to his game time.

The problem with all this: Tazio could sort of tell he was getting the “Truman Show” treatment from the Fire. He wanted to be able to send messages, but Amazon doesn’t have a built-in app for that. Tazio also wanted to play Fortnite, but Amazon doesn’t offer the popular game in its app store. I don’t blame him for wanting to do the same things his friends do on their tablets.

And Amazon has its loopholes, too. Tazio discovered he could still talk to Alexa by switching to his mom’s login screen even though he didn’t know her passcode. (Amazon says it’s going to issue a software update that requires a PIN before a child can exit FreeTime mode, preventing them from accessing Alexa.) Perhaps the lesson is tech companies can’t get much past 9-year-olds.

– – –

Tazio’s family decided that the Amazon Fire tablet was the right fit for his first tablet. It was less powerful than the iPad, but also less frustrating for mom.

The decision was rooted in how much extra work Apple’s Screen Time created. Even with my assistance, mom spent hours inside settings, attempting to adjust their rigid controls to what was actually happening at home. Instead of being an electronic babysitter, the iPad became a new project.

Apple’s approach assumes kids are all different, so it leaves all the decisions to parents. They’re not wrong: No two 9-year-olds are alike. But so are adult users of laptops and phones, and Apple’s designers have been successful at making tech simpler by making choices that suit most of us.

Apple plans to offer training in stores for parents, as well as detailed instructions on its parents website.

What’s most important with any screen is for parents to “not just hand it over without discussion, parameters and expectations,” Christine Elgersma of Common Sense Media told me. A parenting editor for the nonprofit, she’s also been testing iOS 12 with Screen Time. “When I hand over the iPad to my daughter, I still ask her ‘what are you going to do with it?'” she says. She also has rules in place about when a time extension might be acceptable.

Being involved in kids’ digital lives is work. If tech companies are going to make software to help, they need to make sure they’re not just creating more work.

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[cooluniversallycandycollect-blog]

10 Brain Health And Fitness New Year's Resolutions - Train Your Brain

http://cerebrolxprecisionfocus.com/ Do something else entirely to reduce any rut you go to. What can you caused by mix some misconception at achieve their purpose? How can you vary working day? If you feel working day has become too routine, it can even make life seem boring. You can few steps to keep things varied will offer you with a boost. Get one of these new recipe, take a completely different route to work, or turn the tv off for a night and play games with your loved ones. All simple actions that will hopefully re-energise you. Nuts & Berries: With respect to how appear at it, going nuts can be regarded as good for mental fitness. Although nuts might be a cure for schizophrenia or psychosis, they are awesome for maintaining and improving memory. Many types of nuts are recognized to benefit brain health, especially when consumption is on a daily basis. Berries are noted for their benefit in preventative properties which aid against robust development dementia and Alzheimer's too. Learning ways to fall asleep fast absolutely take a little extra time. Just continue whenever pests are not at it until seriously find out what is causing you the lack to helpfully . go to bed. When you finally get used to your new patterns and strategies, drifting off to sleep will come far more naturally. If nothing else works, you will find always other sleep aid s you simply can try using, with melatonin being the safest, most natural sleep aid available. No matter how hard you try, you frequently show up late for work. It's like pulling teeth to get yourself from your very own house and into auto or truck to make a start. You get distracted through the simplest tasks at home, trying test and do just this is a before you head into work. You too can find that you were showing up late for appointments, meetings, and message or calls. Your tendency to show up late may also manifest inside your inability fulfill deadlines to team members. Although you may chalk your tardiness upto laziness or procrastination, I encourage you to view it for a sign you do not want to be doing what experience you should do. Time to look at selections! Another herbal remedy that is good to make use of is bananas and milk. The potassium from the banana's and the protein via milk interact to create a drowsy feeling which assists fall napping. This solution is fairly well known and you should help you fall already naturally. Do it about sixty minutes before going to bed. Family: Just how much do you truly get shell out with your loved ones? What time do you exit the house and what time you r get home? Do your kids call you Mr. Daddy or Mrs. Mommy due to the fact don't watch you? Working from your own home will to be able to to better manage as well as effort. You can schedule meetings around little league or dance recitals. You do not need to have a day off care to the sick child, or to think about a essential focus aid. Chances are, for anyone who is working from home, your mental health will improve and your kid's health may too. Hit the gym. If only for a light cardio and sweat session, exercise enable your body eliminate toxins circulating your system and 'cleanse' the body easily. The regarding sleep deprivation are short-term (e.g., darkness under up your eyes and dull and/or splotchy skin following a bad night's sleep) and she has no cause problems for long-term health condition.

[survivorandalucia]

“Wokest Bitch of the West”- Petra

I'm fucking quitting why did you have to cast these fucking people

OMG I made it and it's started and I'm soooo ready

RHONE ! Bless.

i love men that means im not a lesbian

Ohhh bitch i am here! I was legit just having a mental brake down and now im here. Ohh boy!!! Im so excited to be here and now im seeing Amanda again! But me geting jenna out and willa ohh boy! Im gonna have to talk to willa and hopefully jenna isn't so harsh this time around! Ah im so excited i just hope im not a pre-juror boot because im going to be so emotional this game and hopefully play a villainous card!

toby marlow is sexy as fuck what the mhell

I AM SO EXCITED FOR THIS!!!! So far, not much has happened which can be good or bad. I'm a bit nervous to be playing with returnees being on the other tribe because they might be better at immunity challenges than us. I'm a bit nervous about Pine Boy being in this game because I heard that he's really good. So far I like Toph (Azores buddy <3), Sultana, Jacob, and Nick. Nick came to me right away and said he liked me and wanted an alliance with me. I was like sure!!! Who would I be to decline an alliance? An idiot, that's what I would be. I'm wondering how we're going to do idol hunting on this season and I hope we find out soon. I want to redeem myself from my Azores mess. That reminds me, Toph being here can be really bad for both of our games. If anyone know what Azores is, they know that I gave Toph my idol. They know that we were close, which can be really bad for our games. If people look at Azores and assume that we're still close (which we are), we're fucked in the long run. I love writing confessionals, I missed that in Azores. Sure, we had Ponderosa confessionals, but I wanted to talk more game shit in there. Another thing that I'm worried about: If Toph read my in-game confessionals during Azores, he knows that I'm reluctant to play by his side again. Or, if he has a brain, he can infer it from that. Hopefully, this wont all blow up in my face. I can't wait for the shit show to start after the immunity challenge.

I really am gonna have to fight the hosts

Not letting me idol search and putting me on this tribe. There is only ONE girl on my tribe. And rhone and the boys. I hate men fuck you all. Also Jake being on my tribe when he has the personality of a dead foot yikes. I hate this tribe i hate this game. Get me my shit i wanna leave now. 

Except jordan pines and daniel they cool.

Heyo! The name’s Johnny, from Survivor: India, the guy who went through only two tie votes in his seasons, and I guess I’m ready to swing at the sandbags again. I’m glad to be back and hopefully I don’t fall in the pits that I fell in last time. I’m not settling for premerge this time ‘round. So this tribe is definitely a lot bigger & badder than I expected. Lots of personalities, lots of players, and a shit ton of self-professed “bitches”, “villains”, and whatnot. I just want to survive a while in here so I’m ready to slap on the under-the-radar happy tribe mascot sticker. But of course, the twist is revealed. I tried for the advantage but as always, my luck runs dry and I’m beaten to it. Figured Jordan Pines had it and right I was - dude won immunity. Lucky fella. Oh well, better him than ~some~ people, because at least he probably won’t want me gone first. I’ve also had some decent chats with Issy & Daniel, a bit o’ back-and-forth with Chris, and barely anything with Jake, Isaiah, and LA. And Adrian & Rhone, as far as I know, is a no-show so far. I do know Adrian though, so hopefully that gives me some brownie points! Now we’re gonna go on a tribe call and if there’s anything I know about myself, I’m both awkward and quiet on large calls so… hopefully I leave a decent impression.

So the tribe call just ended with the understanding that a second one would start, and guess what didn’t happen? It does feel a smidgen shady so hopefully there isn’t some chat without me already made because THAT would suck. After the call, though, Jake comes to me all desperate asking “We’re good right? I won’t vote you.” Dang, this guy moves quick. He asks me what I want to do and when I say wait it out for a little bit, he says “Good plan, low key wanna help the tribe.” Mate, simmer down, no need to jump on the gameplay horse so quick. I feel like he has some bad connection with someone, but I’m just not quite sure who that’d be. I know nothing about Tumblr connections, sadly. I trust Jordan right now - not too much, of course, I’ve heard how good he is at this stuff - but I’ll give him a little info and hope he reciprocates. I just wanna live until I reach a point where I can go full India mode and explode onto the scene. We’ll have to see if I can suffer through this tribe, first… I’ll just suffer well.

GUESS WHO WON IMMUNITY PEEPS ANYWAYS so since im at least surviving 1 tribal i have time to build relationships with these people, i've been talking to amanda and she's cool, and atm im on call with jacob/toph/peyton and im waiting for someone to add me to an alliance because im so talented

Everything seems pretty tame but since there is a tribal coming up, that scares me. I like Madison, Taylor, Sultana, Toph, Jacob, and Nick as of now. I'm going to watch the videos right now to see where people's heads are at right now. If I can do that, I'll be able to get a better read on everyone. Hopefully, that will help me with figuring out who to vote out. I'll pray for the best while reading Animal Farm.

CONFESSIONAL: This is my first time in tumblr survivor history that I will be present at the premiere of the season. Pretty fucking excited. I'm like a survivor noob when it comes to the premiere. I've always been gone during it so this is my first premiere ever! I am hoping my 2nd and 1st place finishes don't put a early target on my back. I just need to make sure the tribe views me as an asset as opposed to a threat CONFESS: i think my status will help me. it says something about depression i think people will like that and that should be a convo starter

so me being the little bean that i am decided to have everyone join the call and now im an alliance called the "core fore" i mean like its me Payton, madison, and Jacob! okay that was just some basic ass info. here's my thoughts on everyone else! Amanda sledge: the only person i will trust in this game. she played an idol on me in Azores and if that isn't trust i don't know what else is. Payton: he seems ok, i mean he kinda seems Plainer then Rasin Bran but i mean her has a goat farm and litty. Madison: she seems woke and i would like to work with her given her immunity win and letting everything happen with this alliance already taylor: i mean he seems ok. But like he just got on call so ill keep you posted on him. Sultana: a woke ass queen! i really wanna work with her she seems super funny and chill and like a queen of everything she dose like harassing her mom for food! i would love to work with her will she wants too as well! the others: they have said nothing so like ima try and get one of them out now or payton. dfjbndofb Ok so currently i'm in about 2 alliances! Amanda, nick and myself are in one alliance. meanwhile i'm in an alliance with  Jacob, Payton, and Madison together so like i have no idea if this is good or not because i don't wanna be caught so i feel like i need to tell Amanda so she dose not get mad and i can work with her! I really have no clue on what is going to happen. I don't want to trust anyone yet because tomorrow we will see were the lines will be drawn. I am like 50% that someone inactive will be voted off. but not if i have anything to say about that! I want payton out because i feel like he is dry and kinda basic. after all i will try and be the villain of the season oops! i honestly really like Petra though and think shes very chill and interesting. lets hope she feels the same way. i'm hoping i can just stay calm for now and then go and cry about it latter. i honestly am very hungry right now though like i ugh. Ok that is besides the point. But i feel like i need to bring my paranoid level up to like a ten because i can't trust none of these bitches or i'm gonna be scared as hell. my ears are open to everything and i have a google docs open and im ready to kill some people. 

So at the beginning of the game, me and Amanda talked alot and decided to team up. Then Amanda was good friends with Toph. So then we formed a three person alliance. While we were on call, me Amanda, Toph and Suitana formed an alliance. The twist was announced that both tribes will be going to tribal. I really hope I am not first out but I got a solid 4 person alliance called the Wig Snatchers with them.

I feel like I'm the least extra person here and some of them I think don't like that I'm not super extra

ok idk who 2 vot cuz im just a woke ass bitch and like i havent come across anyone that im rly annoyed with xcept payt TBH hes just awkward and like totally denies my humor via not laughing and everyones talking about this person called jenna they had tea drama with or smth so im like O _ O

I love being on tribe calls because late at night is when alliances are made! I'm currently in an alliance with Petra, Nick, and Toph (Seamus too). We don't have the majority yet, but I like Jacob and Madison. I hope they will vote Jenna with us. I heard nothing but bad things about her from Toph and she seemed cool, but I think right now it's our best option to get her out since she has no wifi at the moment.

Hey everyone, first confessional. I have not played in one of these games in a very long time so I feel very rusty. Anyway, this double tribal twist could really mess up my game but I can't worry about that at the moment. My plan is watch my tribemates videos and try to find common ground. I know Poteet is really embarrassed about going out premerge, and I went premerge too so we can talk about that. I need to take it one step at a time.

I have gained the trust of a good amount of the tribe, and they all are just kinda doing what I say, so i feel like i have some power suddenly. Not saying I'm on the path the a villain but we'll see what happens.

i want to die

Joy, oh joy. I wake up this morning (if 11:30 AM is considered morning) with Jake being the only message to me and I think, THAT can't be a good sign. So he reiterates him wanting to work with me, yadda yadda, badda bing, and says that he values we have history. I'm pretty sure our history is just like one or two Skype minis so unless I'm forgetting something, ripperoni. He also tells me he's "heard a few names floating around" but when I asked him who it was, no response. Go figure. Luckily, Chris Stoner messages me and tells me that as of now Jake is the vote (I'm assuming from the mind of Jordan Pines) so at least I have some solace there. I don't think I'll be going at the end of the day, but there's still the very real fear that my head's on the chopping block, and I don't want to be lynched tonight, nosiree.

So while my video confessional is uploading, it seems like I got Taylor's vote to get Jenna out! I'm really excited to not be the first boot, honestly. I'm sad though because she never got to send me pictures of her kittens. Maybe if I keep her she'll show me! Anyways, how's your day? My mom broke our snapchat streak and it's quite disappointing... like I came out of your vagina and you're going to treat me like this?? Oop my video confessional uploaded here it is in all its (not) glory!

So Jake said that Rhone had suggested Issy (due to their beef from another game, pretty sure it was a wiki game I viewed lmao) or Chris to go home. I found this a little bit fishy but then again I've found most of what Jake's been doing to be fishy. However Jake seems to think it'll be Issy going which is convenient. I also hopped on a call with Jordan Pines and we traded a bit of info - I'm not going to give him EVERYTHING persay (I've been told many stories about him so best to tread lightly) but luckily he gave me some. Jake had randomly made an alliance chat with Jordan and Rhone last night without informing either of them and both distrusted it. Jordan wants to keep some sorta secret information sharing pact between the two of us and I'm game, but I need to make sure he trusts me so I still have to actually give him credible tales. I've just gotta stay on his good side for now and be the nice, honest fella on the tribe. That'll keep me afloat until the swap (which seems like it'll be an auxillary situation. How fun). I do like Isaiah and Adrian a bit and I wouldn't mind working with those two, it'd be nice to get something rolling along with em. We'll have to see, though, because I'm not sure how social Adrian's been so far. As of now, our first boot should be Jake. Let's just hope we can stay strong and not lose to those meddlesome newbies.

I'm not going to lie... I'm a bit nervous. A tribal shouldn't be going this smoothly  unless there's something going on in the background. Dear god, let this work out. I will write more after tribal is over, I'm just too nervous right now. 

[wolfleblack]

On stage voice actor Troy Baker talks about how we all have our nerd, from those of us who love comics or Star Wars or movies to the people who are obsessed with engines or skiing or racing or anything else. Everyone, he says, is a nerd in their own way because being a nerd simply means being really obsessed with something, spending more and more time learning about it and enjoying it. And that’s the thing, isn’t it? Every person has that one thing they really love. Every person is a nerd. The only difference, muses Troy Baker, is that those of us at comic-con know we’re nerds and have embraced it.

The MCM show in Glasgow is the perfect example of this theory. It’s filled with people who passionately love comics, anime, movies, games and a bunch of other things, and all of them know they are nerds. They accept it. They are ahead of the curve. And so many of them are like me, not just in the sense that they share my passions but also in how they grew up in a time where reading comics or loving videogames or anything that wasn’t “normal” was viewed as something bad, a time when the label of nerd carried a lot of horrible stigmas with it. We were the outsiders, the forgotten, the picked on, just because of things we liked. But look how things have changed. Because of stuff like the Marvel Cinematic Universe people who had never read a comic are talking about Captain America or the Guardians of the Galaxy or Daredevil. There are still things that are generally seen with disdain, like anime, but by and large being a geek is…weirdly cool?  When you live in a world where people are happily going to the cinema to watch the Suicide Squad being a geek almost means less than it once did, and yet at the same time it means so much more now.

Being in a crowd at comic-con is a unique experience. The sheer amount of people coupled with the wide variety of costumes on display makes it both claustrophobic and exciting. I don’t think you can adequately do the experience justice when attempting to tell people why it’s worth attending a convention, especially if you happen to mention the often insanely long queues or the fact that wanting to look at some merchandise can become an epic quest where you have to battle a torrent of people jostling around. And don’t dare mention the absurdly inflated prices of food. Bloody hell. But that’s like saying you shouldn’t attend a concert because the hot dogs are pricey, it’s as hot as the sun and you keep getting bumped by strangers.

So why the hell should anyone go? Simple; the people. Sure, the guests are cool and there’s some sweet loot to be picked up and maybe some awesome comics to discover, but you can get all that loot and comics on the Internet and watch guest panels on Youtube where you at least have the option of lounging around in your boxers while munching a bag of Jelly Babies, something which I discovered MCM frowns upon in their live panels. No, you should come because of the people. An entire building full of fine folk who share your passions and nerdery, who are willing to spend time and money creating elaborate costumes for themselves and others to enjoy. Stop just about anyone and you can easily strike up a conversation. For someone like me who has social anxiety and kind of sucks at being a human being, in general, getting trapped in massive crowds sounds like a stupid idea, but in truth it’s one of the best places to push past anxiety because these wonderful, wonderful people are the least judgemental folk around. How could they be, when they’re dressed up as the Joker or as a Digimon character? It’s kind of hard to poke fun at someone for being anxious when you’re dressed up as Sailor Moon, after all. No, despite the crowds comic-con is a prime place to say, “today I’m going to push myself by trying to meet new people” and at the end of the day if it goes poorly you’ll probably never seen any of them ever again.

Of course, if you are after that sweet, sweet loot and view people as little more than walking nuisances then there’s plenty of things to get your hands on. This can vary from convention to convention, but there is usually something awesome to be found if you have a rake around, from commissioned artwork from a talented pool of artists to some sweet indie comics or custom-made props. This year at Glasgow I had to admit that I was a touch disappointed as comics and comic-related merchandise felt like it had taken a back seat to anime, but that’s a personal thing and comic-cons haven’t actually been about comics in quite a long time. They’re now a celebration of comics, games, movies, TV shows and yes, anime.

Events like this tend to attract guests who come to speak to audiences, as well as sign merchandise and get photos taken with fans provided they can pay. Troy Baker was the highlight guest for me, his voice, along with Nolan North, arguably being the dominant force in videogame voice acting, He took to the stage to deliver a near hour-long panel where he managed to answer just over six questions due to the fact that every answer would detour into an entertaining and thoughtful tangent. He was funny, sincere, informative and held the audience in the palm of his hand. Sadly my own interview with him was cancelled as all his interviews were shifted to the Sunday at the very last minute, but I’m attempting to talk to him via Email instead so with any luck a Q&A with the man himself will happen. Regardless, despite his own admittance that he found doing panels scary it was also clear that he was a natural at it.

But other guests lit up the event, too, such as Manu Bennet who played Crixus in Spartacus and is currently rocking it as Deathstroke over on the Arrow TV show. There was also and Bryce Papenbrook and Trina Nishimura from Attack on Titan whose panel had the crowd nearly constantly laughing as they regaled them with behind the scenes tales and answered questions.

Still, with absolutely no disrespect intended to any of the guests who came to Glasgow’s event it is fair to say that the London show continues to attract higher-profile stars. Hopefully, as the Glasgow comic-con continues to get larger MCM might be able to persuade some of those people to come up to bonny Scotland to entertain the legions of fans who reside here.

Both the Saturday and Sunday were rounded off with the official cosplay masquerade where those in costume could come up on stage to display their efforts, while judges carefully eyed them up to pick a winner. As much fun as it is discovering amazing cosplays while walking around it’s arguably even better to see them up on stage where coloured lighting makes them look even better. Entrants can also choose backing music, and will either have a variety of poses or even a whole act. One person came out as Captain Phasma, for example, before busting out some fancy dance moves. It’s the perfect way to end the convention.

It’s amazing to think that despite how many people attend the Glasgow ‘Con is still quite young, and the organizers are still fine-tuning everything. This year guest panels and the masquerade were held in a different part of the SECC building, freeing up space in the two main halls which, along with some general restructuring of the layout, gave people a lot more room to move around compared to two years ago when there were severe cases of traffic jams. The extra space wasn’t enough to cope with the onslaught of visitors, though, as legions of fans poured in to celebrate their geekdom. The paths may have been wider, but at the ‘Cons Saturday peak it was still hard to push through the throngs. If you’re taking little children it’s fair to say that while people will do their best to avoid bumping into them there’s inevitably going to be accidents.

So, if you have an interest in comics, anime, cosplaying or a bunch of other geeky things then is it worth going to a comic-con? Yup. The crowds may mean it’s not really your cup of tea, it certainly can be exhausting, but it’s worth going at least once just for the experience of being amidst thousands of passionate people who share your love of everything nerdy and awesome.

Before we wrap this up with a bunch of pictures, though, here’s some general advice for adding comic-con or any other similar convention.

– Start planning early. When it comes to travel costs and hotel rooms booking early often means getting them cheaper, and that means you’ll have more cash to spend on stuff at the convention! In short, if you want to attend a convention the earlier you decide to do it the better.

– Check the schedule. Convention’s will typically publish a schedule well in advance of the event that will tell you when certain guests will be speaking. Read it, pick what you don’t want to miss and then consider setting some alarms on your phone so that you don’t get carried away and completely miss seeing your favourite guest panel.

– Pack light. Pack smart. This one is obvious, but try to pack light. It’s tempting to take everything, especially if you’re like me and own a pile of camera gear, but you’re going to be walking all day and the crowds don’t mix well with chunky rucksacks. Take what you need.

– Take snacks and drinks. You’ll find plenty of food at conventions which makes it tempting to save some bag room by just grabbing stuff while you’re there, but frankly the price of food and drink at these events is absurd. Now, I generally champion supporting businesses where possible, but the huge inflation of prices makes eating at a convention very, very expensive. Take a few snacks with you, and pack some water to sip on the way round because the crowds tend to make the whole place kind of hot.

– But do check if bag searches will be in operation. To put it bluntly bag searches are about as effective as airport searches when it comes to catching potential threats, which is to say they aren’t. But still, buildings hosting conventions will often employ these to help people feel safer, which also means you might get any drinks and other things confiscated on the way in. Chec before you attend to see if these searches will be happening. I got caught out no long ago when I went to 4TG and bag searching was not stated anywhere on the event site. They took my bottle of Coke away. Damn you random security guard. Damn you.

– Take out money beforehand. Many sellers at a convention will take card payment these days, but many won’t and guests doing signings will typically want cash. While there are often ATMs at a convention the queues tend to be massive, so visit a bank or ATM before the event and stock up on pennies.

– Budget. Another good reason to take out some cash before the event is that it makes it easier to limit your spending. Cards are great, but let’s face it, it’s pretty easy to get carried away with spending. By picking a limit and then putting that amount of money in your bag or wallet or pocket it’s much easier to keep your spending in check as you can visibly see your funds dwindling.

– Shop around. It’s so tempting when you see something to immediately whip our your money and start flinging it at the seller, but show some patience and have a look around. Provided the item you’ve seen isn’t one of a kind or of a very limited stock it’ll still be there later on, and that gives you time to see if anybody else at the convention is selling it for a better price. You could also consider checking online. Now, I advocate buying from the sellers at the conventions where possible, even if the prices there are a bit higher than you’d pay online, but there are times when sellers massively mark up their prices so it might be an idea to head onto the Internet and see how much cheaper it might be. If the price difference is significant, then maybe you should wait until you get home to order it. If it’s not too bad, go ahead and support a local seller.

– Buy later. Again, it’s tempting to just grab stuff as soon as you see it, but keep in mind that you might still have hours and hours of convention time left where you have to carry that item with you. That’s extra weight while you walk. Provided it’s not a limited item or one of a kind consider going back to buy it later in the day. If you are worried about it disappearing ask the seller if they’d consider keeping it back for you. I’ve done this a few times when I’ve been buying unique things, sometimes agreeing to pay half the price as a deposit or even the full amount upfront. Many sellers are happy to do this for you. Try to get something written, though, so when you come back later you’ve got some physical proof just in case.

– Haggle. Many sellers are willing to haggle price with you if you try, but this is especially true of the various people selling their own comics. They’re quite willing to do you a deal for multiple issues in most cases, so it does no harm to haggle a little.

– Take photos, but ask first. Taking photos is pretty much expected at a convention, especially since there are so many awesome costumes on display, but the general rule, as you’ll see written on most convention’s guidelines, is to ask permission before taking a picture. For cosplayers this also gives them the chance to get into a pose. Of course general shots of crowds and queues are the exception since you can’t be expected to ask for permission from hundreds, if not thousands, of people.

– Battery power! Another obvious one, but make sure any tech you’re taking is fully charged. If you’re going to be using a phone to take pictures then consider investing in a power bank to take with you so that you don’t run out of juice. This is especially important if you need to be able to call a taxi or something after the event, although generally the building’s reception is happy to help.

– Brush up on the rules. If you intend on going in costume make sure you thoroughly read the rules and regulations surrounding prop weapons, as many things simply aren’t allowed.

– Just have fun, yeah? –

    Nerding It Up At MCM Glasgow Comic-Con 2017 (Plus A Guide To ‘Conning) On stage voice actor Troy Baker talks about how we all have our nerd, from those of us who love comics or Star Wars or movies to the people who are obsessed with engines or skiing or racing or anything else.

[beatsfortheillperth]

Words with Somanyfeels

Mixes and blends offer their listeners the opportunity to take in various tracks that develop a mood that their curators can express and alter depending on their current feel and drive. They allow with each play, a platform for many artists to be appreciated and understood through. Something we here at beatsfortheill admire about the rise in technological communication of today’s day and age, and there is one DJ that comes to mind whom is already using this musical tool to his advantage. An artist we had the privilege of sharing words with recently here at beatsfortheill and that creative is Las Vegas-based blend master Somanyfeels aka Julian Guerra.

With his ability to tailor mixes that induce ambient feels and take one’s soul on a journey through the ever altering musical landscapes. Somanyfeels lives up to his name developing mixtures that entice and allure the senses, leaving listeners feeling content and entertained where ever the day or night may take them.

Smooth transitions and mind-stilling tracks are what can be expected with this game-changing curator, a man on a mission and a soul on the pursuit for feels that move. 

We here at beatsfortheill can only look forward to Somanyfeels future endeavours. So with that in mind enjoy the uplifting words of the curator himself.

Inspire, Love, Relate and dabble in Somanyfeels expressions via the new mix he curated for us here at beatsfortheill, you won’t be disappointed.

Favourite Food: If pizza and tacos could somehow morph into one, it’d be that!

Favourite Beverage: Coffee and tea are my life

Last track you listened to: Waterfall By Laxe Luther

A childhood memory in regards to music: I remember eating Swedish Fish as a young kid in the public pool in Reading, PA. The speakers were bumping Smash Mouth and I was groovin’. Been a long road since then haha.

A track to chill to: bbygurl By Oneonthebeat

A track to bounce to: To the moon By Lil Purpp

Look back to your 14-year-old self, what music were you listening to back then: Uhmmm, honestly I was into the heavy metal scene. At the time, my favourite band was Disturbed and I also loved Metallica. I was trying to learn guitar so these bands inspired me to enrol in classes and practice guitar tabs. these were songs you could find on my myspace account, along with those falling skull thingies.

Views on Mainstream Media: GET OUT OF THE MAINSTREAM MEDIA BUBBLE. It is these sorts of people that love to have things explained to them. Go out and find those definitions for yourself. There’s always more happening then what major media outlets make it out to be. I am a firm believer in this because that’s all my parents do. Watch CNN and FOX and melt in front of it. They don’t really know how things work outside of what people tell them on the TV.

What does Somanyfeels mean: I really like making people feel good about life and so that’s how the name came to be. Honestly, it was supposed to be the name for my personal music blog. But once I talked about it, people would say it matched my openness and positivity.

Favourite Location: Brew Tea Bar in Las Vegas (they have the best boba tea hands down!)

Favourite Album: YUNG by Linafornia

Thanks man, so let’s start off with how you got into creating mixes in the first place. When did you start blending tracks into your own musical journeys and what sparked your interest?

No thank you, Sophie I am honoured! I got really into it after making a lot of private playlists for myself and parties I would go to. But after a while, I wanted to have a more hands-on approach on how to present these playlists for friends and so I started this series called Sensory Compilations- A bunch of laid-back beats in one mix. Actually, I modelled it around artists from this LA label called Soulection. Joe Kay is a HUGE inspiration to me. The general idea stuck and since then I’ve taken them down as I’ve started my newest ambient series. Always looking to change things up. My goal one day is to be a central source for ambient music through the tracks I find. Artists exclusives with visual artist involvement with each project. That kinda stuff.

What inspires you as a curator of sounds when it comes to day to day living and music mixing? Do you feel your day to day goals help inspire more creativity when it comes to putting together a mix?

I think that the ability to piece together treasures from artists who you love into one whole is inspirational. And I also think that being in a city where a lot of this music is overlooked and commercialism is highly accepted, it takes every inch of effort from local creatives to impact the way people live and hopefully encourage individuals to live more artful lives. If I can get one person to say wow that really changed my vibe up, that’s a blessing. Not all will like it which I understand, but just that one is ok with me.

I live my days essentially on the wind. Whatever happens, happens. Sounds a little on the edge right? Meh, in a sense it is but there are good things that come from it too. It’s good to have goals and dreams, but being conscious of how things are moving can be really stressful for me sometimes. With music, I live each song for a moment and like that could change to something completely different and you grow with that. I think constant change is what keeps my creativity and adaptability alive!

Have to mention your mix series Hunt//Gather a beautiful collection of ambient goodies that offer the ears a peaceful playground of beats, much love. Can you share what Hunt//Gather represents to you and what led to its creation? Also, what can one expect when the push play on a Hunt//Gather mix?

It is intended to put the listener out of their element and into something wild and untamed. At some point, if not during the whole mix, I would hope for you to feel as though you were away from society and in some unsettled landscape. Can you find your way back? Do you even want to leave? I want people to feel like they don’t have to rely on anything else but their own ability to do and feel what they want.

I started this series after hiking in Zion National Park. Something about that place man…

When you play one of these, just expect it to be a journey!

HUNT / / GATHER 01 TO 05 / / Somanyfeels Ambient Mix Series 

How do you feel your upbringing has affected the path you took within music? Were you always into music and learning the way songs can blend together? Also, can you share a few classic tracks you loved growing up?

Honestly, my upbringing didn’t really involve too much musical inspiration. I feel like I was a late bloomer. My past was all about meeting new people, seeing cool places and eating new foods. Bless the culinary arts! I was only really exposed to it once I started in the music industry. I was working for an event promoter here in Vegas and seeing DJ’s and producers move a crowd with such ease made me want to buy a cheap controller and start.

Oh! Almost forgot, here are a few songs from growing up!

Stand Up ft. Shawnna by Ludacris

Welcome Home by Cohered & Cambria

Sunshine by Atmosphere

You are also a part of a collective known as The Rabbit Hole out of Las Vegas USA, a group of creatives making music that really showcases diverse hip-hop and electronic beats, much respect. Can you share what The Rabbit Hole represents to you and what goals do you collectively share? Also, what do you enjoy most about building a community within music?

The Rabbit Hole saved my inspiration. I was stuck in a sense. I don’t really know what I would be doing if I didn’t meet this family of cool cats. Each friend within the group, in their own way, has taught me more than I knew about myself. My ear and style have evolved massively. I have a way to offer up an idea and have people work with me on that idea. I also have people to relate to if I have questions about how to do something involving mixes, graphics, marketing and so on.

I love seeing people walk into the monthly events that we have and just instantly start connecting with other showgoers. Networking yea sure that’s one thing, but I think people meet new friends in this setting. It makes me so happy!!! The way I see it, typical Vegas life is all about work, maybe going to catch a happy hour somewhere, and if you’re really trying to have a night out, hit the strip. IT’S SO BORING!! Can you do more? I think myself and my collective realize that there is so much more that the desert has to offer. We have a voice and we want to use it to build an authentic culture out here. Step by step, slowly but surely!

Las Vegas Collective - The Rabbit Hole

What do you feel makes a mix impactful to listeners and how do you try to set the mood when it comes to putting a mix together. Do you have to be in a certain mood before you hit record?

Wow, this is an awesome question! A mix should tell a story. There are countless ways to mix sounds. I don’t play a mix and say, wow they should have done it this way. No!, I try to focus on how I think the person felt while in their zone.

Transitions come with time, so I highly encourage anyone who enjoys digging for music to just start. Learn as you go. Get a simple program and get to work experimenting. It feels amazing to tell a story! Let alone tell it in your own way.

Here at beatsfortheill, we have a deep love for genuine spiritual expression and art. Can you share some of your favourite spiritual beings, ideas, and concepts? Also, artists that you feel our readers would benefit from checking out?

I love Matsuo Basho, a Japanese poet who’s Haiku’s really bring you into a peaceful state of being.

Oh and please read a book called Intimacy by Osho. It teaches you how to trust and love yourself. I read it a little while back and it has changed my perception of my life immensely!

As far as art goes, I really enjoy work by this artist called Beeple.

He is a huge reason why I am on Tumblr all the time.

Can you share the highlights of your journey through music so far and also what should we keep an eye out for in the future from Somanyfeels?

The strange thing about music is that it does not always stay on one specific path. There is so much happening around you as you find your style, your stamina, and your inspiration that there can be one idea one day, and the next day it could change entirely.

For me, I try to keep an open mind, help myself to become better, and help others along the way with the experiences that I have gained.

The future for me looks to be something along the lines of music and photography. I LOVE radio and mixing but lately, my heart has been leaning more towards capturing moments in different ways.

I would love to put out a mix of all exclusives from my favourite artists along with a visual package. That’s my goal for the end of the year.

I would also love to interview some really cool beat makers on my radio show (aired on 91.5 KUNV HD2 and traklife.com).

Keep on the lookout for another Hunt//Gather series in late August!

Photo by Julian Guerra aka Somanyfeels Photography

Musical Recommendations?

I Think I’ll suggest some cool indie labels for you guys to dig through on Bandcamp & Soundcloud :)

The Rabbit Hole

Saikei Collective

Dustera\

GUILD

BLVNT Records

Oneiric Tapes

Dome Of Doom

Treehouse Collective

Fuzzoscope

Any Last Words?

Keep the art alive! Also thank you so much, Sophie, for having me. Peace and Love!

Support Somanyfeels Here

Soundcloud- https://soundcloud.com/somanyfeelsmusic

Facebook- https://www.facebook.com/somanyfeelsmusic/

Instagram-  _somanyfeels_