#hopefully i should get better in the next months but wtf body

[steelthroat]

I think I gave away all my health points for my luck and improvisation stats. I upgraded my character wrong :/

[d3wdropz]

Brothers AU! Sukuna Fluff Headcanons: Yuji crushing on Sukuna's s/o

Summary: Things with Sukuna have been going good, you're both happy and it's about time that you meet his family. The only issue is that Sukuna didn't take into account that his younger brother might take a liking to you too.

Warnings: no curses! au, fluff, swearing, some mention of deceased parents, sukuna being sukuna, hopefully that's it

Gender neutral! Reader

Lovely divider from @benkeibear !

♡- When you and Sukuna first got involved with each other, it was nothing serious. There was an understanding that you both just wanted to have fun with no commitment

♡ - This set up worked just fine- for a while

♡ - At some point, you both stopped seeing other people and became exclusive, spent more time together just talking and bonding

♡ - This is when Sukuna realizes he needs to have an important conversation with you, he's never been this into a relationship before, but he knows that he has some baggage that you should know about

♡ - On your end, you're just about ready to say 'i love you'- it's been a few months of messing around and about half of that was you both falling for each other.

♡ - So when you two are hanging out it's obvious that you both have something on your minds, it's not ruining the mood just an obvious need to talk

♡ - You both hold it off until the end of the night when you're in his car and he's dropping you off. Before you leave you give him a kiss and end up just leaning on his shoulder

♡ - It's the perfect moment to tell him, something out of a movie- so you look into his eyes and see just how soft he's become for you. Sukuna's not the type to show his love through words, even physical affection is hard for him- so he depends on small gestures; the love in his eyes, how softly he holds your hand, remembering your favorite foods and filling up your gas tank

♡ - Sukuna's thinking about just how much he wants to be with you for the rest of his life, and that means he can't keep important things from you. It's one of the few times that he's nervous, what he's about to tell you could be a deal breaker

♡ - You smile as Sukuna closes his eyes as you both speak up

♡ - "I love you/ I've got a kid"

♡ - While Sukuna is blanking at what you said, you're chewing him out

♡ - "Sukuna, wtf? You have a kid? When? With who? Where is it???" You are so confused and a little upset- this is something you can't just throw out there

♡ - When he comes back from his thoughts, he takes the time to explain everything to you

♡ - Turns out he in fact, does NOT have a child- rather he helps raise his younger brother, Yuji with their grandpa. Sukuna opens up about how their parents died when he was 10 and Yuji was just 3, that he's been helping take care of him ever since

♡ - Sukuna explains that, while Yuji is in their grandpa's custody, he's old and can't do much- so Sukuna stepped up and handles most of the responsibilities: helps with rent, cleaning, food, but mostly Yuji

♡ - It's a lot to take in, probably the most he's told you since he met you so it's your turn to be shocked

♡ - He leans back in his seat and sighs, "Listen- I get if that's a deal breaker- shit, it would be for me"

♡ - You take in the info dump before you realize just what he said at the end and you have no choice but to massage your temples, "Sukuna, babe, what the fuck?"

♡ - At that, Sukuna gives you a frustrated look before you keep talking

♡ - "First off, that was a lot to process- don't get me wrong, I'm happy you opened up to me, but damn you could've picked a better way or method or something" you sigh and grab his face "Thank you for telling me that... and no that's not a deal breaker- you're stuck with me, you moron"

♡ - The relief he feels is unimaginable, like a weight just got lifted off his entire body. Instead of saying anything, he just leans into your hands and sighs- you know just how relieved he is

♡- With that out of the way, you both go back to normal for the next few days- until you bring up Yuji

♡- "So, when am I gonna meet him?" This time you're both lounging at your place, he's in the kitchen making something while you're picking out a movie

♡- Sukuna's a little surprised before he responds "Well shit, didn't think you'd wanna meet the brat so soon." He's bringing the food over as he sits down next to you so you can both make a plan

♡ - The next day Sukuna picks you up and gives you a whole warning speech in the car: "Listen, Gramps can be an asshole, but he really does care. He'll like you, so you should be fine. Yuji's a nice kid, but he can act real immature sometimes so don't expect much from him."

♡ - By the time you make it to his place- a two bedroom apartment- you're dizzy from all the info he just gave you, again. It leaves you a little nervous as you walk up to the door and wait for him to unlock it

♡ - "Yuji, Gramps- we're here!" You take off your shoes and look around- the place is quite clean, something probably influenced by Sukuna and his high set standards. You notice an elderly man sitting in a rocking chair- Gramps you assume

♡- He looks over at you two and starts grumbling to Sukuna, "I'm right here you hellion, don't have to yell" Gramps' eyes soften just a little bit as he sees you before moving back to his grandson for an explanation

♡- Sukuna rolls his eyes and wraps his arm around your shoulders "Hello to you too- Gramps, this is Y/n, they're my partner"

♡- There's a soft smile on Gramps' face as he stands up to shake your hand "This is the first time the kid's brought someone home, nice to meet you." You two click instantly and get to talking

♡ - While this leaves Sukuna pretty happy, he's still got one more thing left to handle, "Hey Gramps, where's the brat?"

♡ - The elder of the two huffs "Who raised you to be so rude- he's in his room sleeping, you punk"

♡ - "The hell you mean 'he's sleeping'? It's almost noon he's got school tomorrow" Sukuna storms off down a hall and you hear a door slam open

♡- Gramps can tell you're a little on edge as he waves it off "That's just how he is with his brother- he can be hard on him but that's how he loves- sometimes the kid needs it"

♡ - Just a minute goes by before Sukuna comes back pulling a miniature version of himself with him- without the tattoos, height, and muscles they could be twins. Sukuna's tearing into him about how he 'needs to grow up and stop binge watching those damn worm movies'

♡ - Yuji's still half asleep as he pulls his arm free and complains about Sukuna being a meat-head, until he sees a random person in the living room "Wait- who's that?"

♡ - Sukuna massages the bridge of his nose and gestures to you "That's my s/o, Y/n- be nice and don't say some dumb shit"

♡- When you shake hands you can't help but gush over him, Yuji was like a mini Sukuna, just cuter and more soft "Hi there, Yuji- it's so nice to finally meet you!"

♡- Yuji can't help but enjoy the softness of your hand, how nice your voice sounds, how gentle you smile at him. It takes Sukuna smacking the back of his head to respond "Oh! Uh- nice to meet you too!"

♡ - Just like with Gramps, you click with Yuji instantly as he goes on and on about movies he likes, his friends at school- it's really sweet and you listen to it all

♡ - Sukuna sits himself next to Gramps on the couch and lets himself relax, the most important people in his life are getting along

♡ - The rest of the day goes great- Gramps shows you baby pictures that you gush over and Yuji seems to be glued to your side, you could be wrong but Sukuna seems a bit jealous that your attention's taken

♡ - Sukuna makes dinner but it's still the same, Yuji takes the seat next to you and Gramps talks everyone's ear off. When it's time for you to leave Yuji's like a kicked puppy until you promise to come back next week

♡ - As your boyfriend drives you home, you tell him how sweet his family is and start making plans to visit again. Sukuna's quiet though, just giving short responses until he kisses you good bye

♡ - "I'm serious, Sukuna- I'm really happy you let me meet them" you're hopping out of the car as he walks you to your door

♡ - This breaks him out of his thoughts as he squeezes your hand and gives you a small smile, "Yea, had to eventually- now go get some sleep, you work at 9 tomorrow"

♡ - When Sukuna gets home Gramps is passed out on his chair with the TV still on, it's not too late so he knows Yuji is still up and he needs to talk to the little brat

♡ - Just as he thought, his little brother is eating chips on the bed and watching some weird horror movie- that is until Sukuna steps in front of the TV and crosses his arms

♡ - "Hey! It was just getting good-"

♡ - Sukuna interrupts him by leaning down and snatching the chips, making Yuji jump "Listen, ya little shit, I saw what you were doing and don't even think about it- one: they're too old for you, two: they're mine so just drop it"

♡ - Yuji's cheeks turn pink "It's nothing, Sukuna! They're just really nice"

♡ - At that the older of the two turns to leave the room, "It better be nothing, brat" Sukuna leaves the room and mumbles one last thing "Cause you're in deep shit if it isn't"

a/n shit this took me forever! sorry- i experienced the worst writers block ever over the past few months! hopefully i'll have more energy and time to write, hope yall like this!

[ashwhowrites]

hi shawty bae. may i request a little something where reader was in a horrible, abusive relationship before dating eddie. edward doesn’t know this and one day he reaches up to cup her cheek and be all cute but then she flinches and he’s all like wtf is she scared of me or something?? maybe some miscommunication and fighting. but then in the end he finds out and is groveling and shit. (i’m so sorry if this is too detailed omg 😭😭). i am a bit of a whore for angst to fluff fics. thank you! ps. i love your writing so much 🫶 you’re my primary angst to fluff provider fr.

Definitely. Hopefully this is what you were looking for

Thank you sm!

⚠️ talks of abuse

Eddie Munson had a temper, that was always easy to see. But he'd never harm a fly. Just small outbursts of words.

Y/N was a little nervous when she first began dating Eddie. His temper scared her just a little bit. She got out of an abusive relationship over a year ago and moved as far away from that asshole as she could.

She spent months running and somehow ran right into Eddie's arms. He caught her easily and their relationship began. He doesn't know about her past and she didn't want him to know. She didn't want his pity. She just wanted to be loved without him being cautious around her.

They sat on his couch, watching a movie as they shared popcorn. Hands bump into each other and laugh every time.

Her eyes were locked on the movie but his eyes were locked on her. Moving the bowl out of her lap, grabbing her hips and bringing her on his lap.

"what are you doing?" She giggled

He smiled softly, moving his hand fast to cup her cheek

She flinched instantly and backed her body away

Eddie watched with confused eyes as she crawled off his lap in seconds, hurling herself in the corner of the couch

"what was that?" Eddie questioned, looking over at her

"nothing. Sorry!" She squeaked. Shaking her head at herself. He wasn't going to do anything to her. He was just going to touch her cheek. Why did she have to overreact like that?

"nothing? I went to touch you and you flew across the fucking room" he scoffed.

He had a feeling he knew what it was about. He's known as the town freak, temper tantrums, and trailer trash. Everyone knew his dad was in jail for landing his hands on Eddie's mom. Did she believe he was like that?

"it's just...it's nothing. Look it's fine" she said weakly, moving herself back on his lap

He pushed her off, standing up. Ears hot as his temper rose.

"it's not fine. You agree with them don't you?" He snapped, staring down at her with a heated glare

"what? No Eddie look it's just..."

"JUST WHAT? I'M TRAILER TRASH?"

She flinched as he screamed

"what! No that's not what I was going to say!" She argued

"it's what you are thinking. You are just like the rest of the assholes in school. Think you are so much better than me"

"Eddie if I thought I was better than you why would I date you? I don't care if you live in a trailer" she scoffed.

"then why are you scared for me to touch you? You've done it before. You never let me get close to you or touch you. You think I'm like my dad or something? Don't want to be touched by a freak like me?"

"absolutely not! Eddie just stop and listen to me"

"no just forget it. I don't need this" he scoffed, slamming his bedroom door and locking it behind him

~~

She wasn't sure what she should do. Eddie has been avoiding her for days. She felt horrible. She didn't mean for him to think she thought so low of him. She was trying to get used to being touched in a gentle way.

Every time she tried to walk up to him he'd roll his eyes and walk away.

Were they broken up?

~~

"why are you avoiding your girlfriend?" Steve asked, his hands tapping on the counter as Eddie sat next to him

"she's not my girlfriend anymore" Eddie snapped. Throwing a ball in the air, catching it repeatedly

"what why?" Steve didn't expect that. Those two were smitten with each other.

"she thinks I'm a freak, trailer trash. Doesn't want to be touched by a loser like me whose dad beat women" Eddie said harshly. Squeezing the ball in his hands

"hold on, she said that?" Steve was shocked. That didn't sound like her at all. Steve knew her for years. He remembered when she moved to New York, when she came running back home because her ex abused her.

"well no, but she didn't need to. I'm not fucking stupid. She flinches whenever I touch her. Refused to even be close to me. I was stupid and thought she was different "

"Eddie shit man. You got it all wrong" Steve sighed, rubbing his hands over his face

"do I?" Eddie laughed with no humour

"look I shouldn't be the one telling you this, but she was in an abusive relationship before she came back here. She's still learning to allow herself to be touched. She flinches with everyone. She's learning Eddie" Steve broke down to him gently

Eddie felt every part of anger leave him. Replaced with sadness, guilt and regret

"she what?' he choked out. Already feeling his throat close up

"give her time to talk to you. Stop avoiding her Munson"

~~

Eddie felt like an asshole. He felt horrible, absolutely horrible. He lost his temper on his girlfriend, didn't let her explain herself and shut her out.

The flowers in his hands were getting crushed by how harsh he was holding them

Knocking on her door softly

He felt his eyes get wet when she opened the door. Looking at her beautiful and soft face. How could anyone ever lay a hand on her?

"oh Eddie? Come on in" she said quietly, opening the door

"these are for you" Eddie said quietly, handing her the flowers

"um why? Aren't you...like mad at me?" She squeaked out. Nervously chewing on her lip as she grabbed the flowers

"no. I never should have gotten mad in the first place. I didn't let you explain. And I think I should" Eddie didn't want her to know that he knew. Let her tell him on her own time

"I'm sorry" she choked out. Tears in her eyes, "I didn't want you to think I thought of you that way. I never thought of you like that"

Eddie choked back his own tears. Watching as she cried, hands clenching the flowers.

"you have no reason to be sorry. You did nothing wrong" Eddie reassured her. Feeling more like a dick that she felt like it was her fault

"can I....can I just hug you?" He asked, puppy eyes looking at her softly

She took a deep breath and a small nod. Eddie slowly walked towards her, he wrapped his arms around her. Feeling her body go stiff but allowing her time to accept it.

She slowly wrapped her arms around him. Nuzzling her face in his neck

"that's good" he said softly, holding her close. Heart warming as she melted into him

"I'm not good at being touched. I didn't mean to hurt your feelings" she whispered in his neck. He could feel her tears running down her cheeks.

"shh. I hurt my own feelings by making shit up. Want to talk about it?" He asked, pulling away and looking down at her

She set down the flowers walking over to her couch. Eddie followed silently behind her. Sitting close but not touching her

"before I came back here, I lived in New York. I fell in love with a boy. He was sweet and amazing. He made me feel things I didn't know existed. Then I found him cheating on me" Eddie's stomach dropped as she cried harder. How could anyone cheat on her?

"so I confronted him. And he...he hit me. He apologized for it so we moved on from it. But then he kept cheating, and the hitting became a daily occurrence. I was scared to leave. I was scared to move a muscle. But I finally made it out. And I met you. And those feelings I had for him in the beginning were coming back, but for you. I never once believed and I still don't believe you'd ever hurt me. But my body sometimes acts on its own"

Eddie listened closely, nodding along as his heart broke more and more.

He reached out his hand, softly grabbing hers. She flinched but he didn't care. Holding her hand tightly as she allowed herself to get used to it.

"look at that. You did it" he praised, kissing her hand softly. Proud of her for not pulling away

"I'm sorry for being an idiot. I'm sorry for everything. I should have given you time and been more understanding. I would love to still be together but I completely understand if you want to break up"

She shook her head instantly, "no. I want to be with you" she said desperately. Moving her hands to touch his face softly

"we'll go slow. We'll work on this together. Just me and you" he said, moving in closer

She smiled, locking their lips together as they shared a small but tender kiss

"thank you" he whispered, kissing her cheek as he held her hand closer to his body.

Both came from pasts they wanted to erase

But a future they couldn't wait to create

Tags!

@bmunson86 @mxcheese @ladymunson @michaelfuckinglangdon @z0mbie-blah @biittersweet @mirrorsstuff @slightlyvicked @micheledawn1975 @ago-godance @magnificantmermaid @tlclick73 @hargrovesswifee @cityofidek @manyfandomsfanvergent @silky-luxe @lokiofasgard616 @loving-and-dreaming

@eddiemunsonsbitch69

[girltober]

When I decided to do Girl Month I considered many things: how my cis-het friends would react, how my parents would react if they ever found out, the risk of fucking up my body with E, whether I might get dysphoria...

The elephant in the room I DIDN'T consider was how it would feel to go outside and ride my bike through a busy populated area dressed in revealing girl clothes while being extremely hairy.

Things that went though my mind:

Oh god oh fuck why didnt I buy more normal and concealing girl clothes at the op shop?

Wtf do I say or do if somebody talks to me or starts shit?

With the panopticon social media hellscape we live in, any rando could take a pic of me and post it online. Jesus fuck.

I wish I was wearing a covid mask that would at least help hide my identity

I live in a small city where its easy to run into someone you know in a random location. What if a cousin or someone recognises me?

I definitely need to order a cute girly covid mask asap. And find a disposable one to use in the meantime

God what about police?

I 10000% get why L is so afraid of the police now jfc

🎵 you don't know the world beyond [tumblr,] you don't know what Satan can plan/ You don't know the safety you'd be leaving, we're your family we're your clan 🎵 -Abigail Thorn, in her excellent cover of "The Devil You Know" about coming out as bi

That one scene in Sex Education where Eric is walking to the pride parade in drag and a car of goons pulls over and beats him up

In Sarah Z's recent video about the evolution of the term queerbaiting, she talks about how theres a movement within the LGBT community gatekeeping men from wearing skirts bc thats a manipulative clout chasing queerbaiting thing.

In that video, she shows a screenshot of a tweet which reads "I hope a cis straight man who wants to wear a skirt for clout gets hatecrimed today."

Fuck the author of that tweet. Thats a fucking awful thing to wish on anyone and you should feel bad.

I feel really weird exposing the fluffy hair trail that leads south from my bellybutton

Makes me think of that one transmasc dipper pines comic where hes going to the pool and hes nervous about swimming topless. I get that comic so much better now.

Anyway, SCA people were of course extremely kind, chill and welcoming. Very special shout out to my good friend Ari, who dropped everything with no notice to meet me there, be a friendly face and support me.

Ari you are truly a fucking legend I appreciate you so much I owe you a Great Debt. I couldn't have done this without you.

Anyway tonight I used a sewing machine for the first time sewing a rapier hood, classic #girl activity! It came out uuuh pretty bad and apparently my instructor fucked up the instructions so I need to redo some of it, but here it is still wip

I cycled home in a lightning storm, a lot more confident under cover of night, and am currently safe and sound on my couch.

Tonight was a big night. I have been a very good girl and a very brave girl and I deserve a treat. I'm gonna get myself a girl treat for being such a good, brave girl.😊

Thanks for reading and supporting my journey everyone, hopefully my next few posts will be a bit more fun and a bit less terrifying 💞💖🩷

(Re-reblogged with background blurring, ORIGINALLY posted October 2nd. unfortunately the timelines gonna look pretty confusing now rip)

Going out for the first time in girl mode... riding my bike to an SCA meetup. Lowkey shitting bricks rn, i wish I was waxed.

(EDIT Oct6 - blurred distinctive features in background to meet roommate's concerns)

[youareinlovees]

hiii i just send you the creative writing so uh only reply to this ask if you didn't get the other one by some chance and i'll send it again :D

Thank you for your service bestie 😁 I think it might be easier if I put it under a cut but omfg I'm obsessed with it and the dynamic is so spot onnn wtf

Hiiiii I bring you a gift!! I hope it's good, I don't really post my ~creative writing~ and this is my first time writing these two so hopefully, it'll suffice. Also ironically I think they may be one off the longest things I've written. Anyways ////

-

As he approaches the Belfast rental that served as his temporary home for the next few months, he can't help but smile. For the first time since they started filming he not coming home to a vacant house. Instead, this time, he's going to be coming home to his beautiful, wonderful girlfriend.

He's been looking forward to this all day, barely able to focus on blocking and script reading with the thought of her just blocks away weighing so heavily on his mind. It certainly didn't help that he had spent so much time the night before looking through her photos at the Brits. She had looked absolutely radiant, her beautiful features perfectly accentuated by her lovely outfit.

Gosh, he's so obsessed with her. She easily occupies much of his thoughts on a near-daily basis and whenever they were together he can barely get enough of her. They've been apart a few days now and even that was slowly killing him. He needs her. Need to be near her, to touch her, embrace her, kiss her soundly. And the fact that he's about to be able to do so makes his heart swell with joy.

Opening the front door, his heart beats loudly as anticipation grows in his stomach. "Honey, I'm home." He quips.

Immediately he's greeted by a white and brown fluff ball scampering around his feet. Chuckling to himself, he bends down, scooping the excitable cat into his arms.

"Hello there Benjamin."

"Well someone missed his daddy." A warm voice floats across the room and he looks up, a grin forming at the sight of his lovely girlfriend.

Benjamin squirms in his arms and he releases the fluffy cat before striding across the room. His hands land on her arms, covered by gray fabric that's soft to his touch. "I hope he wasn't the only one."

With a cheeky grin, she presses up on her toes, lips meeting his as her arms loop around his shoulders. Her lips are warm and soft and feel like home and he revels in her touch.

"He wasn't." She breathes after pulling back slightly. Her blue eyes flutter open, looking up at him through her dark eyelashes and he's fairly certain he falls even deeper in love right then and there.

Their next kiss is far shorter, though the passion is still there. Finally, he glances around the room and then back to her, eyebrow cocked. "Bring enough boxes?"

She follows his gaze and then laughs. "It's five months, babe, I have to be prepared."

He chuckles and goes to reply when her eyes light up. "Oh! And I set up my recording gear in the guest room. How does 'Kitty Committee Studio," She cups her hands, as if miming parenthesis, "(Belfast, Ireland)' sound?"

His eyebrows shoot up. "It sounds like you've been busy."

Her shoulders bounce up as she gives a little shrug. "A bit. I'm really excited for this chapter of our lives and I don't mind having a few crazy days if it means getting to spend more time with you."

A smile breaks across his face, his heart swelling with joy. She always says the most romantic things, things he couldn't even dream of saying on his best days-- though she's quick to disagree with him, citing his stint as "William Bowery" as evidence-- the writer in her popping out in all facets of life. He loves that part of her, seeing her mind at work as she pours her heart out, representing her inner feelings with the most beautiful sounds. It means a great deal to him that she loves him enough to express it so wondrously through her music. He's not sure if he can ever repay her for those amazing sonic gifts, his platform far less diaristic than hers, but he certainly tries his best to show her just how much he appreciates and loves her each and every day.

"What's that face for?" She asks and he realizes he's been gazing lovingly at her far longer than what would ordinarily be considered comfortable.

"I love you." The words slide off his tongue easily, an outcome of saying them for the better part of almost five years now but they hold the same weight, the same truth, every time he says them.

She beams, her eyes twinkling. "I love you too."

He kisses her soundly and then squeezes her hand. "Also congrats on being a Global Icon winner, love. We should celebrate."

"Oh yes! I'll get the wine." She nods and begins to head into the kitchen when he grabs her hand. It's a gentle yet firm grip and there's an amused look on her face as he pulls her into his arms.

His voice is low, a suggestive tone to it as he raises an eyebrow. "That's not the type of celebrating I had in mind."

"It's not?" She questions, tilting her head but he can see amusement dancing in her eyes.

"You're a Global Icon now, I think I need to pay my respects." He tilts his head, moving ever closer to her until their noses bump together, lips barely touching. He can feel her breath on his skin, smell her woody perfume. She's so close yet not nearly close enough. "Can I do that?"

She nods, skin brushing against him. Desire for her courses through his veins and with that simple gesture he finally gives in to it.

Their lips crash together, caressing and pressing against each other. His hands are in her hair, long blonde strands tangling between his fingers. She sighs breathily into the kiss and then he's met with her tongue swiping against his lips, a silent question of permission which he is quick to grant.

He can feel her hands on his biceps, fingers squeezing around his muscles before loosening and running up over his shoulders and to his neck. In turn, his hands slide down her back, slipping under the loose bottom of her shirt, his fingertips gliding over her hips.

Their kisses get a little bolder, a little more desperate, and soon he's pulling away from her mouth and kissing down her neck, nipping gently at the skin there. Her soft, breathy moans serve to spur him on and he sucks roughly on her neck, causing her to groan loudly.

He spends a few more minutes kissing across her neck, down to her collarbone, trying to cover every inch of exposed skin. Her fingers tighten in his hair, gently pulling him away from where he was kissing dangerously close to her pulse point. "Babe... No more teasing."

He gives her a devilish grin and then his lips are back on hers, frantic passionate kisses until they're both absolutely breathless.

Taking a small step back, his eyes scan up and down her body. "Get undressed." He tries to command but she merely smirks and gives him a wink.

"Make me."

A devilish grin crosses his face seconds before he surges forward, kissing her once more as his fingers pull on the hem of her shirt. The second it's off of her, he can feel his heart rate spike at the sight of her lacy black bra. No matter how many times he sees her like this, it will always send a bolt of energy racing through his core.

"Gorgeous," He breathes, bending down to trail kisses right above the fabric.

She utters a soft "ding" which causes both of them to chuckle. Her laughter soon dissolves into a moan as he expertly unlatches her bra and pulls a nipple into his mouth, his hand going to cover the other one.

He massages her breast softly, hand moving in sync with his mouth as he sucks long and hard. Her fingers glide through his hair, nails occasionally scratching across his neck, causing a shiver to run up his spine. After a moment, he switches up his tactic, his teeth grazing against her nipple as he rolls her other one between his thumb and forefinger.

Her moans grow louder and louder and the next thing he knows, she’s pulling at his shirt, trying to take it off him. He obliges, his fingers going to hook into her waistband in turn.

She's completely naked a second later and he can feel his pants growing tighter at the sight. His hands wrap around her biceps, gently guiding her to the couch as her hands stroke across his now bare chest.

"Sit." He urges her and she obliges, sitting down with her legs pressed together and a playful smirk dancing across her lips.

Chuckling to himself, he kneels down, placing his hands on her knees and his chin on top of his hands. Gazing up at her, he takes in everything. Her blonde hair falling across her shoulders, the amused cock to her eyebrow, the freckles splashed across her skin. Everything about her fills him with an indescribable joy.

"I'm really proud of you." He says after a long quiet moment.

Her playful smirk morphs into an adorable, breathtaking smile as she tenderly strokes his cheek. He returns the look before turning his head and placing a kiss against her palm.

"I love you," Comes her quiet voice, laced with adoration.

"I love you too." He ducks his head, placing a kiss on each of her knees. "Now... let me show you just how much."

Sliding his hands down between her legs, he gently pushes them apart. He weaves his way between her thighs, one kiss at a time, drawing nearer and nearer to where he knew she wanted him most. And then he pauses, mere inches away, and begins to kiss back up her leg. She lets out an annoyed groan, cupping his face in her hands and not so gently guiding him back.

Chuckling, he slips his hands beneath her legs, hooking them up over his shoulders. He pauses again, looking up at her. Their eyes lock and he gives a little smile before leaning in and placing small kisses around her clit. There's a gasp, followed by a soft whimper and he can't help but grin, his kisses becoming deeper in turn.

His tongue flicks between his lips as he travels down between her folds, giving an experimental taste. He can feel himself grow harder as he realizes just how wet she is.

And it's all for him.

With that final thought, he focuses all his energy on making her feel good. His tongue continues to slide in and out of her, tasting her with fervor. Her fingers tangle in his hair, her whimpers turning to low moans as he moves.

And then he pulls away slightly, glancing up at her. Her chest is heaving, eyes half-lidded, and her lips hang open ever so slightly.

"You're beautiful," He finds himself breathing and she squirms a little as the air from his mouth brushes against her core.

If she's going to respond, he certainly doesn't give her a chance, pulling her clit into his mouth and sucking roughly.

Taylor shouts his name, her fingers clenching in his hair. He barely notes the pain, however, hand flattening on her stomach to hold her in place as he concentrates solely on her uninhibited cries of pleasure and the contracting muscles beneath his mouth.

A second later, he slides two fingers inside of her, moving slowly at a pace he knew would torture her. His fingers reach as far as they can-- which in his case are very far-- and he gives them an experimental few pumps. Her walls flutter around him and he smiles-- mouth still on her clit-- and begins to stroke her walls, still sucking on that little bundle of nerves.

Her ankles lock around his back, thighs squeezing his head, keeping him in place. He can tell she's getting close, her moans increasing with frequency so he doesn't let up. Rather, he doubles his efforts, sucking and stroking, harder and faster.

It's sexy, so sexy and he looks up, maintaining eye contact with her even though her eyes are barely open. He can hardly see the blue peeping from below her eyelashes. The whole image is enough to make him come undone and he groans, the sound vibrating from his chest.

Her heels dig into his back, a long moan that morphs into his name tearing from her lips as she comes undone. He doesn't stop, still moving in order to draw her orgasm out as she twitches and writhes above him. Eyes never moving from her face, the whole sight imprinted in his brain, memories forming to torture him in the dead of night or on long trips away from her. But he doesn't mind, the occasional distance only serving to make the reunion that much sweeter.

Finally, her body sags and he moves away, trailing soft kisses up and down her thighs and over her hips. Her fingers brush through his hair, pushing it away from his face and then trail down to stroke across his beard. He's sure he has her coated all around his mouth so he licks his lips, glancing up at her to see that she's smiling.

"I love you," are the first words out of her mouth, causing him to drop another kiss on her hipbone.

He rests his chin against her stomach, a small smile on his lips. "I love you too. I guess it was good then?"

She laughs and then beckons him upwards with one finger. Obeying, he pushes himself up, crawling along her body to hover over her.

Cupping his cheeks, she laughs again. "It was amazing. Thank you."

Now it's his turn to laugh, turning to nuzzle her hand. "Anything for a Global Icon."

She tilts her head, cocking an eyebrow. "So you'd do the same for Elton John or Robbie Williams?"

With a chuckle, he shakes his head, "No, I like boobs too much."

"Oh is that all?"

"Yep." He ducks his head, peppering kisses over her chest as if to prove his point.

She cups his cheeks again, guiding his face back up to hers. Her face is twisted in an exaggerated pout, pink lip jutting out and he half-heartedly resists the temptation to pull on it with his teeth.

"Really?" Her tone is innocent but he can see the cocky look on her face and he loves it.

They're silent for a long moment, each party daring the other, a silent dance of who is more stubborn. But the strain in his pants is almost too much to bear, her smug looks not doing him any favors, so he relents. "No," He places a quick kiss against her lips. "I like you far too much to consider doing anything with anyone else ever."

"Good," Her hands slide up from his cheeks to hook around his neck, "Because you're all mine."

"Indeed I am."

Their lips meet again, this kiss far more passionate than the last. Tongues dancing together as their hands glide across each other's skin, exploring and scratching.

Pretty soon he feels her hands on his waistband and then the button on his pants being popped. Pulling back slightly, he gives her room to pull down his jeans and then boxers, sighing with relief as he's finally released from their confines.

Kicking his pants from his feet, he returns to kissing her, hands sliding up and down her sides. He groans loudly into her mouth as he feels her hand wrap around his cock, giving him a few slow strokes just how he likes it. He has to stop kissing her to grit his teeth. God, if she keeps doing that he's going to cum any second now.

His hand wraps around her wrist, stilling her movements. "Couch or bed?"

"Couch," She says without hesitation. "I want you inside of me now."

She lies down longways and he climbs on top, hovering over her. Grabbing her thigh, he guides her leg to hook around his waist, her other one following in suit.

His dick slides across her clit, the action causing both of them to moan and a moment later he pushes inside of her. Her mouth forms an open "o" as he moves in slowly, eyes never leaving her face. She's wet and warm around him, a perfect fit. It's like they were made for each other.

He moves slowly at first allowing both of them to find their rhythm. It gives him time to suck on her neck or her chest, little ways that will add to her pleasure. But pretty soon she's urging him to move faster, thrust harder and he's all too happy to follow her commands.

They move together, him building up speed as her ankles lock behind him, pushing him in even closer. Their moans echo together, unintelligible aside from the occasionally uttering of each other's name. Her nails claw down his back, too short to leave a mark but the action still arouses him even more.

He's close-- so close he can barely think straight-- but he's determined to get her there first. Hand slipping between them, he begins to rub slow circles on her clit, the action causing her nails to dig in further.

As his hand speeds up in time with his thrusts, she yanks his head down to kiss him only to tear away seconds later as her body convulses and she cries out.

Her walls clamp down around him, so tight he nearly collapses in surprise. A few thrusts later and he's a goner, body twitching as he cums.

When he can finally see straight, she pulls him down next to her, snuggling into his chest as they lie on the couch, hot and sweaty from their actions.

"Welcome home, darling." He mutters into her hair, pressing a kiss against the top of her head.

She hums in response, tilting her head to kiss him.

He has a great feeling that these next few months in Belfast are going to be quite fun.

[yakumtsaki]

I taste just like ice cream, bitch I am so icy, heart cold like an ice queen, that's why they don't like me 🎵

-What the hell was that.

Traditionally I start Union updates with semi-relevant song lyrics.

-Why did you start an update at all.

Because it’s time, Shajar! I took a holy oath in my 2020 simming goals post to update Unions once a month, and I’m already a month late.

-But nothing interesting is happening. 

That’s never stopped me before. Now listen to Rico Nasty, cry some more about Sophie blowing you off, and shut up.

-Ugh please, I couldn’t be more over Sonia if I tried. I hardly ever texted her links to wedding pinterest boards and quizzes to determine if our parenting styles are compatible. 

Did she ever reply? 

-She did once and said ‘who dis’. Of course the letters unscrambled spell out ‘do wish’, meaning she did wish me to keep messaging her. I just don’t know where it all went wrong. 

-Hey there, 17 year old girl, maybe you’ve had enough neat whiskey for the night? We’re actually running out of bottles. 

-Beat it, ponytail, I need to dull my pain. I’ve just been stabbed right in the gut by the love of my life. Just like my style idol and general role model, space opera fascist Kylo Ren.

Shaj I really hate seeing you like this, and not just because the red neon light is super unflattering on your complexion.

-You can fuck right off too, I was perfectly happy with my dads who hate me and my imbecile sister and my brother who might as well not exist, noogie-ing people all day AND night long, but you had to be all ‘OMG IT’S SOPHIE MIGUEL SHAJAR GO TALK TO HER’. Life-ruining-moron. 

But I was totally right about you two hitting it off, I mean look how sad you are now that she dumped- yea never mind, that’s not a good argument.

-Look what I can do even though I’ve had 46 whiskeys!! How you like me now, Sophie???

-You’re paying for all these broken glasses, I’m going to need your name and a credit card.

-Yes, fair enough, my name is Cyneswith Union-

-I LOOK GOOD ENOUGH TO EAT

Yea, you really should eat something to soak up all the alcohol. And not to kick you when you’re down, but you should also disregard all those cliches about ~a smile being the most beautiful thing you can wear~ because MAN. Watch out Joaquin, there’s a new Joker on the prowl. 

-So.. 20 lobsters thermidor and our most expensive appetizers?

-Aha.

-Would you mind settling your bill now?

-Of course not! My name is Cyneswith Union and this is the credit card my parents got me when I was 6 because we’re super duper best friends! I love my parents! They don’t care about their other daughter at all, even when their other daughter is going through a really hard time because she got the emotional equivalent of a lightsaber wound in the gut. You know what, let me also get 20 bottles of your most overpriced champagne to go with the lobsters.

Feeling better?

-Well it’s hard to feel bad when you’re spending your parents’ money recklessly and with malice aforethought.

It sure is. Alright well, the sun is coming up, maybe we should head home.

-What’s the rush? What is going to happen if I don’t go home, my parents will get worried? LOL

God your life sucks. Ok let’s hit a couple more places.

-Greetings. Welcome to our establishment. I am a human employee from this planet.

Great, nice to meet you.

-I just want there to be no doubt that I am indeed an earthling, born and raised under the earth’s exosphere and not above it.

Leave us alone.

-And I’m the resident community lot sim with that one face template you hate! There must be one of us on every lot you visit!

-And I am here in my revealing outfit to use the dance sphere and make everyone uncomfortable!

You’re actually pretty, I need to keep you in mind for after Don Oates takes a wrecking ball to our genetics, but yea, let’s bounce, Shajar.

Time to visit the happiest place on earth, Deh'Javu Modern Art Museum, home to my favorite piece of art in any medium, The Toilet of Fire. Shove that Fountain up your ass, Duchamp. How we feeling, Shaj?

-This trash can reminds of Sophie :( She used to go around town throwing money she stole from charities in trash cans and then send them riddles for where to find them :(

Enough with Sophie, we’ll find you someone better! Like..

..your aunt! Get the hell out of here Brit Brit, you’re taking up townie space. 

-I won’t be long, Gunther’s amazing close-up portrait of my hair was rejected by the museum so I’m here to set this shithole on fire. 

In other words Gunther just painted a canvas black and called it a day?

-His art doesn’t cater to plebs. Yes, offense.

Our old friend Ugly Teen Townie is here so finally we can have some fun. Shajar had gone almost 12 hours(!) without noogieing someone and I was starting to worry for her health.

-Yes, yes, I’m starting to feel like myself again..

Good for you, Shaj!

-Hope you’ve made peace with your God, Ugly Teen Townie, this water balloon is filled with horse feces! 

-WHERE DID YOU EVEN GET HORSE SHIT

-I ordered it from some guy named Leod McGreggor.

-How about a another joke, MuRRAY?

-What?!

-Now you say, ‘no, I think we’ve had enough of your jokes’. Say it!

-No, I think we’ve had enough of your jokes.

-What do you get when you cross a mentally-ill loner with a society that abandons him and treats him like trash? Now you say ‘call the police, Gene!’

-Call the police, Gene!

-I'll tell you what you get..

-YOU GET WHAT YOU FUCKING DESERVE. HAHA oh man! Good stuff. 

Alright I’m starting to feel bad for Ugly Teen Townie, first he had to come to all the toddler birthday parties during the Victoria/Komei era and now this, he has suffered enough at this family’s hands. Time to go home, Shaj.

-Not so fast!

Wow, the Countess and Mrs. Crumplebottom on the same lot, top 10 anime crossovers.

-I have been sent here by the Limp Dick Vamps United organization to recruit Shajar Union.

Ugh you people are still around? Haven’t heard of you losers since the Count wouldn’t let Victoria bang him, which I’m still annoyed about. 

-Indeed we are, and it’s clear Shajar is ready to join us, dedicating her life to evil deeds without romantic distractions. I have no idea what Crumplebottom is doing here.

-I’m here to recruit Shajar to my own organization, Bitter Sims Worldwide Alliance. We’re always on the lookout for new members who want to spread their misery to their fellow Sim. 

It sounds like it’d be more effective if you guys just merged your organizations.

-I will NEVER merge my organization with someone who displays her bosom like a common whore. 

-Eat a dick, Crumplebottom!

-MAKE ME, FANGTOOTH

-Alright here I am, what the fuck do you want?

-Shajar, it is a pleasure to meet you! Ardent admirer of your work.

-What work, freakshow?

-Torturing everyone around you, what else!

-What? I don’t torture people around me, if anything they torture me.

-Why don’t you talk to me about it?

-I’d rather not, you look like a bejeweled snowman.

-Look deep into my eyes, Shajar..

-And now look deep into my razor sharp teeth..

-Ugh fine, let’s talk. 

-Is that Victoria and Komei’s teen granddaughter hanging out with a vampire?

Yes it is Kennedy, keep it moving.

-God, wtf is wrong with this family. 

Nothing now that you’ve been removed from our social circle, go away! Just kidding, you’re an icon and I’m marrying you in at some point. 

-Hard pass. 

Your loss, hombre. 

-It definitely isn’t.

-If I had known your turn on was vampires I would had set you two up!

STOP SETTING UP TEENS WITH ADULTS, LAKSHMI. And Shajar’s turn ons isn’t vampires, it’s fitness/fatness. Body positive queen. 

-Well, Shajar, you alphabetically listing all the people who have wronged you while I was trying to kill Crumplebottom telepathically has made for a very productive conversation. We’ll be in touch. 

-Thanks, Countess, it’s been real.

Shajar!!! Who cares about Sophie when you might bag a hot, rich vamp??

-Meh.

I’m gonna need you to be more excited about this prospect because a vampire spouse might just be enough of a draw to beat the comedic factor of fucking Don Oates turning us into an unintentional uglacy and I’m doing whatever I can to avoid my fate.

Ugh.

UGH

UGHHHHHHH

LMAOOOOOOOOOOOOO VICTORIA

-GET FUCKED, BROKEN FACED WEIRDO

God I miss you Vic 💔

-Donnie-bear, not to be not-nice, but mopping your pee off my front lawn is not exactly what I pictured doing during this date.

This guy won’t even mop up his own piss, what a catch.

Wow, manipulative much?? You are a piss piece of work, Donaldo.

-Don’t think we forgot about you, you 10-nice-point disgrace!

-VICTOR NO

-GET THAT MOP READY

-Finally, some peace and quiet.. Just me, alone with my broken heart, pondering my hopeless, loveless future..

-💗💗💗OMG SIS THERE YOU ARE. DONNIE AND I MADE OUT!!! 💗💗💗 But then grandma’s ghost scared him into soiling himself. 

-Good for grandma, hopefully next time she gives him a stroke. Now shut up and let’s eat in silence while I ponder my hopeless, loveless future.

-Okie dokie! 💗💗💗

-Um, I think mine has vomit in it.

-Yea I did that, but it’s just whiskey and lobster, if anything it increased in value. 

-Awww thanks sis! 💗💗💗

-Stop patronizing me, you little bitch. God I want to poke your eye out with this chopstick so badly.

-I love you too Shaj! 💗💗💗

And I hate both of you. Where’s your brother, I haven’t paid attention to him in 3 days. 

-He went upstairs, I think he’s pusshurt we forgot his birthday LOL

IT’S HIS BIRTHDAY????

-Don’t feel bad, I forgot it too! 💗💗💗

GODDAMMIT. WULF! WULF WHERE ARE YOU

-I’m here, I just grew up and dare I say it could not have gone better! 

Really?? Finally some good news! Let me look upon you-

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

AHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHA

WULF WHAT THE FUCK

-I was Mozart musical genius boy but now I’m a sk8ter boi! Character development!

Ok this is the most iconic birthday look since Gunther grew up in the pirate costume, we’re obviously keeping it. 

-Great! And as if the fact I’m a Wyatt face template with 0 Jojo genes wasn’t enough to make me unelectable, I also rolled family! :D I’m doing everything I can to ensure I live that sweet motherlode spare life! 

Honestly you should had picked another outfit cause now that you’re dressed like this I unironically want you to win. Hoisted with your own petard.

[virginpornstar]

What I Learned From All Of My Hookups In 2020

I knew 2020 would be less slutty than 2017-2019 due to the fact I wasn’t living in ATL. I still had plans to travel monthly, discover new cities and new men, and be a slut everywhere I go. Covid-19 ruined that. So 2020 was far less slutty than I had anticipated, but I still had a lot of fun this year. We have to roll with the punches, and readjust our plans when the plague strikes. I still learned a lot about myself and my sexual interests with each new penis that entered my body. Here’s what I learned from all of my hookups i n 2020! 

1. GUYS THAT DELETE AND CONSTANTY REMAKE NEW DATING APP PROFILES HAVE MENTAL ISSUES

Hooking up with New Castle started off fun, but then he kept acting weird. I asked him why he’d always delete his Grindr profile then make a new one every other week, then he’d go off on me for asking why. I did realize he’d make profiles advertising himself as a top, then ones as vers, then others as a bottom. A clear sign the man didn’t even know what he wants. We had some good times until he started acting crazy, and then randomly blocking men when I couldn’t hookup. 

2. GUYS TREAT ME DIFFERENTLY NOW THAT I’VE LIVED IN ATL

Left Tackle and I had been hooking up off and on since 2016. Yet suddenly in 2020 he wanted to start acting differently, like he’s too good for me. Um what? He also acted grossed out and disgusted after following all my ATL sexual adventures, and I think he started to think I was tainted after reading about me hooking up with a poz guy while on vacation. Oh well. Fuck buddies aren’t meant to last forever. I will not have a guy treating me like he’s too good for me, when in fact I’ve always been too good for him. 

3. I NEED TO STOP HOOKING UP THE NIGHT BEFORE VACATION

I noticed a pattern of when I’m supposed to have a slutty vacation weekend I end up hooking up the night before I leave. Which either makes me dickmatized and not horny on the trip, or I get my hole ripped and then I can’t even fully enjoy hooking up while away. I’m still gonna fuck, just not as much or as enjoyably if I hadn’t gotten fucked the night before. I still enjoyed my encounter with Big D, even if he did rip me. 

4. I CAN’T STAND VIRGOS

Philly Jawn and I had been following each other online and flirting here and there for years. Then when I was staying the weekend in Philly he and I finally made up. it started off well at first, and we even fucked, only for him to act distant and start ghosting me afterwards. Fuck that nigga. I can’t stand Virgo men since they always do this distant shit, and are terrible communicators. If you’re not interested then say so. Don’t waste my fucking time. 

5. FORT LAUDERDALE WAS MORE FUN THAN MIAMI

Miami was my last vacation before Covid-19 plagued the earth. It’s also the last time I flew anywhere. I was so excited to hookup with all these hot Miami men, yet somehow Fort Lauderdale was way better than Miami. The bathhouse was definitely far superior in Fort Lauderdale than Miami at least, and I had way more fun hooking up with guys there than the bathhouse in Miami. 

6. MIAMI IS TO LATINO GAYS WHAT ATL IS TO BLACK GAYS

I hooked up with so many latino men in Miami/Fort Lauderdale. They are the dominant population. It made me nostalgic for my younger years. I didn’t really get with many latinos in ATL, since black men rule that city. I had many latino lovers in the past, so it made me a little nostalgic. Sometimes a latin lover is all you need to give you great vacation sex. 

7. I’M STILL NOT POZ FRIENDLY BUT MAKING PROGRESS

Miami has long been the biggest HiV hot spot in America. Their infection rates are far worse than Atlanta. So it did seem a bit fitting to hookup with a poz guy for the first time while in the HIV capital. When in Rome...granted I only hooked up with him because he was the only cute guy at the bathhouse at the time. If there was anyone more appealing, I wouldn’t have settled for a poz guy. I also wasn’t comfortable enough to do anal, but it’s still progress to have hooked up with a poz guy without penetration. 

8. THE PHILLY BATHHOUSE WAS MORE FUN THAN I EXPECTED

I love checking out the bathhouses in every city I travel to. I didn’t have high expectations for the Philly bathhouse since I knew there wasn’t going to be a pool or hot tub, and those are my favorrite amenities at bathhouses. Yet surprisingly the Philly bathhouse was poppin, and I went on a Wednesday afternoon. It was very diverse, and although I didn’t fuck anyone, I still had a good time. 

9. IT’S FUN TOPPING SOMEONE’S DAD

I always thought it was hot hooking up with a dick that’s created life. I hooked up with this DL divorced father of 2, he was young and around my age, but still hot knowing he had kids. I topped him, and then he became my plug. I do miss the weed provided more than I miss him. 

10. I DON’T MISS THE BUMS IN THE SOUTH

My northern hookups have come bearing gifts. Weed, money, etc...I don’t miss the bums in Atlanta always begging for handouts. Asking for money, transportation, asking for shit. I’ve had so many guys give me shit without even asking like my DL Latino lover. Maybe I should remain in the north, although ATL keeps calling my name. 

11. WHITE MEN LOVE BLOWJOBS

One thing I miss about Atlanta is the men there loved to fuck. Being in the suburbs with mostly old white men and DL guys I’ve realized most of them just want head. I used to be oral only, until I got on PrEP and lost a relationship to never wanting to fuck. So now I love to fuck, but keep encountering guys, like Mushroom Man, where all they want to do is get their dick sucked. Sorry, oral only isn’t enough for me to have a good time. 

12. SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO CATFISH A GUY TO GET THE DICK THAT GHOSTED YOU

Chubby Chaster and I spent hours talking one night on Grindr, then he started ignoring me the next day. Oh hell no! I will not be ignored. I got into the whole anonymous profile thing briefly after my friend encouraged me, and weirdly so many guys are into that. I did end up getting Chubby Chaser to come over, and I kenw as soon as he saw me he must’ve been pissed to realize it was me. Oh well. I still made him cum. 

13. WAY TOO MANY DL BOTTOMS IN THE SUBURBS

When I think of DL guys, at least the ones that turn me on, I think of guys with girlfriends/wives that are masc men you’d never be able to tell fuck guys on the DL. They’re also tops. Yet somehow all the DL guys with wives/girlfriends/baby mamas where I am now seem to all be bottoms. WTF! How can you fuck your girlfriend’s pussy, but somehow can’t use your dick to fuck a guy’s ass? Yet you want to let guys fuck you in the ass? That’s not fun for me. I top like once or twice a year, yet hooked up with so many DL bottoms this year. 

14. I DON’T HAVE TIME FOR OTHER PEOPLE’S TOXIC RELATIONSHIPS

Gorilla and I have hooked up off and on for years. He’s a Scorpio too, and we never get along. Yet the sex is good. He’s been in an off/on relationshp for years, and seems to only hit me up whenever they’re off. Yet we fucked, then suddenly he started being distant afterwards, and then posting his man on social media. Ugh. I can’t stand that shit. I’ve been in that shit where I fuck new guys whenever my ex and I were off, and then when we’re on again ignore the new guys. I hate that cycle, and it’s not fair to the new people I got involved with. So I hate getting involved in that cycle in other people’s relationships since I wanted consistent dick. 

15. NEVER KNOW WHEN YOU’LL MEET YOUR FUTURE SUGAR DADDY

I kinda only hooked up with Gasolina because i’d not had dick in months. I was a little desperate. I wasn’t that attracted to his pics, but he had a big dick, and I’m glad we did end up hooking up. Since he turned into my sugar daddy and I had many fun times this summer with him. 

16. INVITING OVER A THIRD CAN SALVAGE A TERRIBLE HOOKUP

Panty Man got on my damn nerves. We rented a hotel together for the night, even though we barely knew each other and had only texted/talked on a dating app before. I knew as soon as we began talking, this wasn’t going to work, but I didn’t feel like leaving since I paid for half. I invited over New Castle, and then things turned into a threesome. They didn’t touch each other, but both fucked me. I had a good time, because I invited over another guy. I wouldn’t recommend inviting over a third to salvage terrible sex with your boyfriend, but it works for random hookups. 

17. I LIKE CORRUPTING GOOD BOYS

I knew Rocky and I didn’t have any long term potential. He lived too far for me, and his health issues were something I don’t think I could deal with. But we still had some nice times together. He was such a good church boy so I had fun getting him to drink, try edibles, and even wanted him to try poppers. I love introducing men to new things. 

18. I DON’T THINK I’LL EVER DATE A WHITE MAN AGAIN

It’s crazy to think I wasn’t even really attracted to black men until 4 years ago, and now I don’t see myself getting serious with any man that isn’t black. Farmer J was the last white boy I went out with/hooked up with, and he will hopefully be the last for the foreseeable future. I’ve had great encounters with white men before, but I never came close to an actual relationship with a white guy. Now after the ignorant comments Farmer J said, and it’s a lot of the ignorance that comes with dating a white man that is attracted to black people, but knows nothing about black people. His offensive comments that he never would’ve realized are offensive, and his voting history were a complete deal breaker for me. Completely reminded me why once you go black, you never go back. 

19. GUYS ACT SKEPTICAL ABOUT FILMING YOUR SEXUAL ENCOUNTERS THEN GET SUPER INTO ONCE THE CAMERA IS ON

I saw The Reverend again for the first time in 4 years. I wanted to record more content for my OnlyFans. I knew he’d be skeptical due to the nature of his career, but I have masks and know what I’m doing. I’m surprised how into he got when the camera was on. I always turn my tops into the director since I’m too high on poppers to worry about angles, but it was a fun time. We got some really good footage for my channel. 

20. A RANDOM HOOKUP CAN LEAD TO A RELATIONSHIP

Before BMore Bae entered my life I wasn’t looking for love. I had just launched my OnlyFans, wanted to record content, make money, enjoy life, save up before moving to ATL, and then boom. He comes over, he’s cuter than expected, and I caught feelings. I caught feelings fast. It’s been an roller coaster, but it’s so true. Love enters your life when you least expect it. I’m so glad it did. We’ve already made so many beautiful memories together, and I can’t wait to see what the future has in store for us. 

[filmcityworld1]

so for the past few days with bj staying at the deetzs/maitlands house there was some ground rules that he had to follow & one of them was taking a bath & growing up in the netherworld he heard about the horror stories for humans take them bathes with the water & the soap & the shampoo that make you're head smell like a coconut ANYTHING BUT THAT & everyone in that house knew it was gonna be a challenge but it had to be done so Lydia got some ideas from him on how they take bathes in the netherworld the shampoo is pond scum the bath water would be sewer water & the bar of soap would be a dead rat or frog with writing this down she did'nt know how to make these things into normal objects but somehow they found a way they got couple bathbombs that made the water look gross as can some children shampoo making them think it was silme got a guy to carved a soap to look like a dead rat & finishing touch was a manly candle that smell like a fart witch was so bad everything was set now all they needed was beetlejuice they looked around the house for him but could'nt fine him until lydia went into her room & heard the sound of floorboard squeaking under her bed she looked underneath found him he knew what was going on & want nothing to do with it

lydia:look bj it's not what you think we got all the stuff you said that will make you feel more at home

bj: even the dead rat?

lydia: hee even the rat now come

when they went to the bathroom it was not as bad as he thought it even smelled like home leaving him to give it a chance & everyone with a sigh of relief until deila open her mouth saying this

deila: alrighty then now beetlejuice take off you're clothes so i can wash them &-

but before she could finish bj got a flash back of he's childhood when hearing the words "take off you're clothes" abuse not done by juno but by one of her boyfriends when he came to he quickly ran to lydia hugging her tightly & started to cry with not understaning lydia had to explain making deila feel horrible knowing it was her fault she felt she should be the one to calm him down it would teaching tool for her in case her & charles have a baby so she & bj were in the bathroom alone trying to get him to clam down trying to get him to trying to get him to remove he's clothes & hopefully not know what was really going on with the bathtub about half an hour later he caved in & got in as he was getting settled deila got a washcloth & put some body wash in it to help him wash he's back but when she got close to him he flinch leaving her to back up incase he freak out & made a run for it

deila:what wrong?

bj:you were gonna hurt me with that (pointing at the washcloth)

deila: oh honey no no i just wanted to help you get you're back

bj:oh

then turn he's head so he would'nt get freak out when she got closer again & put the washcloth on he's back it lead him to flinch once again but not as bad as before i guess for this reason is becuz it was cold as deila started to clean him up she could'nt help but ask something

deila: beetlejuice did you're mom do something to you that made you not wanna take a bath?

there was silence in that min then a few sniffles from him witch then lead him to open up

bj:after she would drink so much booze.... she would.... kick down the door the bathroom while i was in the tub &... hit me with a washcloth saying i still smelled like a human no matter how much i washed it got so bad she even..... tried to drown me

with hearing this deila was in shock how could any parent do that to there child but there more

bj:after that i become scared of taking a bath & try to do other ways of smelling bad just so she would leave me alone

deila: well she gone now so you don't have to worry about her anymore

bj:yeah but still i just wish i had a real mom & dad who were proud of me let me be my own self you know

deila: aw bj i know how you feel when my husband left with he's boyfriend i did'nt think my life was gonna be the same again but when i met charles it's become better then what i imagine it doesn't have to take forever on finding happiness if anything it can happen today

with beetlejuice hearing that he looked up at her not knowing whats she talking about

bj:what do you mean?

deila: well knowing you been good so far for a few months & seeing how charles & i have been talking about having a bigger family i thought why not skip the middle man have you as our child

with hearing that beetlejuice eye grew big tears of happiness started to pour almost all he's death he wanted to adopted & how he finally got he's wish

bj:OH DEILA! THAN- WAIT! this is real right not kinda prank or kink thing i mean adam seem like he's in to that kinda thing but i'm not

deila:hee no beetlejuice this is real we want you to be our son

& just like that beetlejuice stood from the tub & hugged deila like he never wanted to let her go leaving not only deila wet but half of the bathroom floor as well about a few hours later it was done bj finally not only smelled good but was so clean that there were parts of he's body they were'nt noticeable before due to the dirt like the cute freckles on he's face to the sad scars on he's arms & legs as charles was walking down the hallway the bathroom door open ahead of him & what he saw lead a 100 thoughts running through he's head what he saw was beetlejuice in nothing but a towel being held up by deila like a mom does with her toddler knowing dude was a ghost it was easy for her to do this after putting him down she then said

deila: there does'nt that feel better now go up stairs there a clean pair of clothes for you on the bed

bj: thanks mommy (then went up stairs)

with hearing that a 100 more thoughts ran through he's head he then turn to he's wife asking wtf is going on thinking she was cheating on him after she explain he then wished she was cheating i mean out of all the things she done this is biggest him being the father of a 50000 year old demon what will people say but after deila talk more about this he started to have a change of heart finally agreeing to it

charles: fine! but becuz of this you're gonna have to help me teach him the next rule he's gonna have to follow

deila: whats that?

charles: house breaking

[patsdrabbles]

Duet

Title: Duet Fandom: Dhani Harrison; Jakob Dylan Pairing: Dhani Harrison/Jakob Dylan Rating: Gen Word Count: 2054 Summary: “Anyway, you remember his cover of Must Be Santa?” “Oh my god.” In which Dhani is invited to do a Rolling Stone interview with a mystery person, allegedly an old friend he hasn't seen in a long time. And he is certain he won't get any sleep until he finds out just who that person is...  A/N: A dear friend of mine wrote a gem of a Dylarrison Jr. fic called “They’ve Trapped Us Boys” which made me low-key start to ship this ship. They I had the idea for this fic and let’s just say, I ended up giving myself a whole lot of feels. ❤ Thank you @szappan  and @savoy-brown-shoe for the kind support of this rarepair fic and lots of thanks to my amazing beta, @smittyjaws <3333 Anyway, this is 100% fluff, so please enjoy ❤

(links to AO3 and @ill-be-your-tennessee-lamb‘s fic are in the reblogs!)

It all began, as these things have a tendency to, with a harmless enough enquiry.

Dhani had received an invitation to do an interview with the Rolling Stone magazine sometime late in November. Now, that was nothing unusual in his books. He had done his fair share of interviews over the years, in part due to being his father’s son, in part due to long being a musician of his own right. Now, this invitation, though? It caught his attention far more than any usual invitation to an interview would have done. Because it required some navigation, some shuffling dates around in his calendar – and someone else’s. Just that Dhani didn’t know who that mysterious other person was, that was supposed to be interviewed together with him.

Dhani reread the letter a good couple dozen times.

It said that he was to be interviewed together with someone he already knew. Well, he thought. I do know quite a lot of people…

Furthermore, it was someone also from the music field. Kinda obvious. He scratched his head. Still doesn’t limit the amount of people it could be.

The letter also hinted that it was someone he had known for a long time - long was relative, wasn’t it? – and someone he likely hadn’t seen in a long time either, given what was known to the magazine and the public. It was supposed to be a fun sort of reunion.

That last part was what Dhani couldn’t get off his mind. Sure, he was thrilled and excited that they were – hopefully – trying to do something nice for him, but... Just whom was he to be reunited with?

He knew that it was supposed to be a surprise. He knew better than to get impatient about this matter. And yet.

So, a few days after the date for the interview was finally settled on, he found himself unable to sleep and opened his messenger app.

And created a group chat with all the people he could think of that the Rolling Stone might want him to meet.

 Dhani: Hi :) Any of you doing a Rolling Stone interview with a mysterious other person sometime mid-December?

Kris: Wtf mate it’s like 2am

Dhani: 2am where you are, perhaps

Kris: That’s fair

 Dhani yawned into his hand and replied immediately after Kris’s response.

 Dhani: 4am where I am

James: Not the one you’re looking for, btw. Sorry, pal

Dan: Nope

James: Want me to make enquiries?

Dhani: Nah, they probably won’t like that. Thanks tho

Dhani: Seriously, though. None of you guys were invited to do a RS interview mid-December? With me?

Jakob: Go to sleep, Dhanster

Dhani: Don’t tell me what to do, Dylan

Rufus: lol

Lily: Seriously, could you guys be any more married? :’D

Jakob: You know that’s not possible

Dhani: GUYS. Did y’all just evade my question??

Jakob: You should stop fretting abt this Dhani, it’s gonna be fine

Dhani: *eye-rolling emoji*

Jakob: Srsly, go to sleep Dhani, it’s late af

Lily: Yeah, we should all head to bed now. Sleep well, kiddos

Rufus: night, my American friends

Kris: Nite

 Dhani sighed and put his phone away. His friends seemingly weren’t involved in all of this. He should probably try to get some sleep instead.

Rolling onto his back, he pulled the covers up to his chest and squinted. There was still light coming from the other side of the bed. Dhani rolled onto his side and stretched so that he could reach farther across the body that was blocking his movement. Then, he swatted lightly at the phone emanating the light in question.

“Cat.”

“Hmpf.” Dhani pouted, but he only got a grin in reply.

“Who are you to judge?”

“Goddammit.”

But it was only a few seconds later that the light on the other side of the bed was turned off and Dhani found himself wrapped into a warm, tight embrace. He fell asleep within minutes, the mystery interview completely banished from his mind.

 The day of the interview came sooner than anticipated. The usual whirl that seemed to catch everyone before the holidays didn’t spare Dhani either, and before he could say “oh, I should have fuckin’ known it”, he found himself seated in a nice room at the Rolling Stones’ headquarters, right next to none other than Jakob Dylan.

Very much embarrassed at how he had allowed Jakob to fool him, he just buried his head in his hands and groaned theatrically. Jakob only looked at him and snorted.

“I never told you I wasn’t the mystery person!”

“You told me you wouldn’t be doing any more interviews this year??”

Jakob scratched his chin. “Okay, that’s fair. But I said that before I was asked to do this with you.” He grinned and didn’t falter even a tiny bit under Dhani’s dark gaze. He shrugged: “It’s not my fault, is it? And I have a feeling that this is gonna be fun, Dhanster.”

“Oh my god, please don’t call me that in public,” Dhani just breathed out in a hushed voice. “Seriously, Jake.”

Jakob nodded. “Alright. But in turn, you’re gonna try to relax now, okay?”

This was the moment that their interviewer chose to appear. He greeted them cheerfully and explained that Tony, who had done some interviews with each of them respectively over the years, wasn’t doing this interview because the whole editorial team had sent him on a much needed vacation.

“Guy doesn’t know when to take a break. He hadn’t taken a day off in three years,” Ryan explained to them. He sat down opposite of them and quickly looked through his note cards. When he looked back up, the cards in one hand, his phone ready to record in the other, he seemed to notice something that made him halt, however. Two shiny rings. He grinned.

“Huh, didn’t know you guys had gotten hitched.”

Dhani’s breath caught in his throat. Jakob noticed and placed a calming hand on his shoulder.

“Would you wanna talk more about your significant others today, or-“

“Maybe later.” Jakob gave him a smile and they began the interview, Ryan all too eager to hear whether the two of them were appropriately thrilled to have met again and be able to do this interview together. Dhani actually found himself relaxing after a while and had to suppress a laugh several times. Judging by the twinkle in Jakob’s eyes, he felt the same way about the interviewer’s excitement.

Sooner than anticipated, the interview was over and Ryan invited them to play a song together. This, too, had been hinted at in the enquiry letter they both had received last month, but Dhani hadn’t prioritized it as much as finding out who his interview partner was going to be. Now he wished he had.

“Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer is always a favorite around this time of year?” Ryan suggested with a smirk. Dhani couldn’t suppress a snort and heard Jakob laughing next to him. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Jakob giving him a nod and turned around. Their hands brushed when he did and Jakob’s smile widened.

“You know that Christmas album my dad recorded?”

“How couldn’t I? You didn’t stop mentioning it that holiday season.”

“True.” Jakob grinned at the memory. And the holidays that year spent with his dad.

“Anyway, you remember his cover of Must Be Santa?”

“Oh my god.”

“Yes.”

Dhani gave him a searching glance, then gave in. He waved his hand at Jakob. “Gimme your phone, I need to listen to the song again to at least make an attempt to get it right.”

Jakob obeyed – all too happily, if he was being honest – and turned toward Ryan. “Can we get a couple of additional studio musicians to do this in, say, an hour?”

Ryan beamed like Jakob had just hung the moon. “Sure!” And, after showing them to one of the studios, off he was.

After Dhani was done listening to the song a couple of times, they started practicing with the studio guitars they had been provided with. It was fast-played chords and almost shouting the lyrics breathlessly into each other’s face as fast as they could from there on.

“This is insane,” Dhani said when they took a breather, but he was grinning, enjoying the silliness more than words could express.

“You know what kind of life you agreed to when-“

The door burst open and in came Ryan, a studio band they didn’t know, as well as two cameramen with their equipment.

It was a blast. That was the only way to put it. They made it through the song on their third or fourth take, but the second the cameras were off, Dhani collapsed into a fit of giggles and had to cling onto Jakob to steady himself.

“That was fun.”

His face was red and Jakob looked at him like he wanted to kiss him right then and there. Instead, he wrapped his arm around Dhani and pulled him up against his side. Dhani shuddered, but the smile didn’t leave his face.

“I should have hoped so.”

They thanked the studio band for the job well done as well as the fun that they had had, shook everyone’s hands and left to say goodbye to Ryan.

Jakob’s hand had long left Dhani’s shoulder and, after a tentative brush or two against his knuckles, was now firmly clasped in Dhani’s hand. They were smiling and their faces were still slightly red from singing the fast holiday song several times in a row when they left the room together.

It was their giddy and relaxed selves that ran into Ryan in the hallway. While they thanked him for the fun interview and jamming session, Ryan’s gaze wandered down to their joined hands and he smiled. Ah. He wouldn’t need to take Jakob up on his earlier offer to elaborate. He felt that he had gotten the right idea and wouldn’t ask – nor tell.

“You guys have a good evening, yeah?” He smiled at them and shook their respective free hand.

“Thanks, mate, you too,” Dhani smiled and looked at Jakob with a fond gaze. He gave a gentle tug on the other man’s hand and, after another smile and nod at Ryan, off they were.

Once they had put on their coats and were out of the building’s front door, he turned his head toward Jakob, only to find the other man already looking at him with a gentle smile on his lips.

“That was... a lot of fun, actually.”

Jakob grinned, just a tiny bit smugly. “You did choose your spouse wisely, after all.”

Dhani just gave him an amused look out of the corner of his eye. “You didn’t choose too badly, either, I’d say.”

It took them only two seconds before they were laughing once again. And just like that, despite the freezing evening temperature, Dhani was feeling all giddy and warm again. To think he had stressed so much about finding out who his interview partner would be until earlier today...

“C’mon.” A gentle tug on Dhani’s hand. “I think dad wouldn’t mind us dropping by. Wanna go?” Jakob grinned as Dhani just buried his face in the crook of his neck. And didn’t move away.

“Huh. Dhanster?” Jakob asked and lightly poked Dhani’s back with his gloved hand.

“Don’t wanna move right now. You’re comfy.” His words were barely audible, as his face was hidden in the fake fur of Jakob’s winter coat. His cold nose was pressed against Jakob’s throat though, and Jakob tried to shift away from it – but to no avail.

“Alright, then. Then I’ll carry you.”

“Nooo.”

“Don’t tell me you still have your so-called polka dot PTSD,” Jakob half-teased.

Dhani only groaned and Jakob laughed.

“We’ve been married for how many years now?”

Dhani finally pulled back from Jakob’s neck and made a face as though he was pondering the question seriously.

“Not long enough for me to get over the polka dots. Never long enough.”

Jakob snorted and shook his head. Taking hold of Dhani’s hand again, he squeezed it in encouragement.

“So- you coming?”

Dhani gave a plaintive sigh for the sake of drama (mostly) but smiled back at Jakob and, squeezing Jakob’s hand back, nodded.

“Always.”

[doodling-fiend]

Its been a long last few months and I'm sorry for being on sparsely here and there. I'm sorry on that but here's my long, tipsy rant on it to let people in the know how and to get it off my chest all at once. Be warned, its quite the read! There's a TLDR at the end though. . .

As some of you may know, it started around June when my father grew ill enough where my mother actually called me to help her. I just started to get a schedule for streaming and opened my Patreon, not to mention the near launch of Shadowbringer, so I wasn't too thrilled. Despite that, after the call from my mother, I decided that I had to leave the next day; leaving behind my husband with two kids behind, one being a severe nonverbal autistic, and make the drive from middle of Texas to go to Atlanta, Georgia. That drive was a little over 20 hours, nonstop with bathroom breaks and gas. I brought cup noodles to eat while on the road and got things like sandwiches to eat while driving to not take too long.

Upon arriving in Georgia, I learned that my father was admitted to the ER and his health was steadily declining. He originally was battling spinal cancer, having surgery, but it spread to his bones and lungs. Not just that but then he also had pneumonia when he was in the ER. Because of his bad state of health, they really couldn't do much of anything aside from monitoring him and hoping he recovered. It was a week to almost a week and a half before they decided that he should be admitted to hospice since his health continued to decline. And due to the spread of the cancer, there was little to no option on treatment. To those unaware, hospice is where patients will go to live out their last moments pain free so you know what it means when one is admitted to Hospice. It was another week to week and a half before he would finally pass. And before people pass their condolences, I will state that this is where sorrow became rage...

Dad and I had a shaky relationship as is. He tended to drink a lot and with mom working morning to night, I was often the source of verbal and physical abuse, which grew worse the older I got. He even pulled a gun out once. Yeah... So I left soon after. Even then, when we talked on the phone or in messenger, it wasn't pleasant... Regardless! (Just giving you an idea of what's to come)

After he passed, I soon learned that despite being retired military he used and did NOTHING to help my mother in his passing. The free lawyers and aid he could have used that were there for retired military was untouched. He didn't have a burial plan that the military would have covered the cost on and because of that we had to pay 3 THOUSAND DOLLARS OUT OF POCKET for that. Oh, but that's only one of MANY things that he slapped my mother in the face with. He didn't even bother leaving a will behind. Because of that I had to battle courts for MONTHS to gain power of the estate in his name since he didn't leave mom's name on ANYTHING. My mother is unable to do this because she is Korean and has limited understanding as well as her English being limited as well. He could have easily taken care of all this for my mother, FOR FREE, using the military lawyers that was readily available for him. So, instead of having that taken care of at no cost to us, instead, it costed us 5 THOUSAND DOLLARS out of pocket just to hire an attorney. And that's not the added cost of their services, per hour, for all their work after they've been hired on that we'll get after this is all said and done. They're not doing much but you know how some folks are on just tacking hours to get more payment... Oh ho, but it gets BETTER! (Please enter sarcasm here)

So, whilst battling for power of estate in order to sell the business and house, that we have to pay for out of pocket, come to find out... He has no life insurance either! So the business that my father closed for half a year(with a monthly rent of 675 and a monthly loan 400 for the machines at the business that is 22 THOUSAND IN TOTAL) along the house (mortgage being 800 per month) is being pulled out monthly. It wouldn't have been bad if mom continued to receive his military retirement check but then, come to find out, HE OPTED OUT OF HIS SURVIVING SPOUSE TO CONTINUE TO GET HIS RETIREMENT PAY. It makes you wonder how LOW and SELFISH for someone to make that decision. More so given, after much grief and headache my mother went through while staying with him for over 20 years.

Just recently, she told me stories of how he always went out with other women and even left her on the night of their anniversary, with her being pregnant with me, to spend a month in a hotel with another woman... Oh, then he called her every morning to make sure she was at home, alone, waiting for him. (wtf?!)Yet despite all that, despite him doing this NUMEROUS of times, she remained with him and faithful. I don't know why or how but I asked her why anyone would stay with someone that did that and she stated that she did it for me. She's Korean and her language was limited, having come the the United States with little to no knowledge of anything and having no real friends nor family, so she was worried if she left him and had to raise me on her own.

Had I known all this before my father passed, as bad as it sounds, I would have burned the man's body myself and throw it down the toilet. After using it at that! Or just throw his corpse out in a ditch for the animal to defecate on. Am I overboard in thinking that? Maybe. Perhaps out of line. But with how SELFISH he has been and leaving all this headache behind for us, I would like to think I'm entitled to it given mom still won't speak badly of him and just says at least he's not suffering anymore. Honestly, I wanted him to suffer more now. Ugh....

---

So, TLDR; Been gone for several months because my cheating father who left my mother several times, months at a time at a love hotel with random women even while my mother was pregnant with me, kicked the bucket due to pneumonia and cancer. He left no life insurance, no will or any plan to make transition easier, and just left loans and debts behind. Not to mention the retirement check from the military that would have helped tremendously was opted out so my mother wouldn't receive anything, having to pay out of pocket for all the stuff back in Georgia. Already probably paid over 10 THOUSAND on all this crap going on so hahaha... Debts of our own! Whoopee!So back to the present; I FINALLY gained the power of estate but now we're having to contact to the IRS and now have to go through hoops before being able to sell and stop paying all that money in the stuff left behind.

So, in short, I'm sorry if I'm testy, not here, or distant be it now or as of late in the past. I'm so stressed that I now have a big white streak in my hair. I can take a picture of it. Looks nice aesthetically but ugh... That and now I'm on some medicine to help cope with all this headache since its cutting into my mentality well being and health. Sorry to unload all this but some folks were curious and I did want to talk about it to give an idea to why I've been how I am as of late. Again, I'm sorry. I'll try to maintain a more steady schedule once this is said and done... Hopefully. Gods know how much longer this will take.

[1358456]

Review Response, Dec 22 - 28, 2019

“28″, but I’ll be including the reviews that came in this morning. Because hey.

And... there are a lot. The most this year.

Legacy Prologue - Kalos

1) That first part DEFINITELY reminded me of the XY chapter, except Y is being the Hikikomori (shut-in) and X is trying to drag her out... It’s a good role-reversal!

I also wanted it to be like the time in XY where Y found out what happened to her mother and she got super depressed. Except this time, X tries to do something about it. Finally.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Legacy #008

1) LOVED IT!

Thank you!

2) Poor moon. I loved this chapter

Hey, it’s you! <3 Thank you kindly.

3) WoW cool chapter. So blue confessionele next chapter hopefully? Lol have been waiting on that for the entire story so Lets hope its the case

Haven’t we all. ... Except for those that don’t like this pairing...

4) It’s nice to see platinum trying to help blue move things was a good chapter with nice interactions with the juniors and seniors all under the same roof

It’s like a big Dex Holder family! ... But not too big, since there are far too many of them nowadays! And despite Platinum not really wanting to get involved, she helps out anyways, as “foretold” by the Headcanon Chronology!

5) While Moon really should rest, the idea of her getting that Spirit of Vengeance team you posted about on your Tumblr sounds way too awesome. ...Also Umbreon bias since it's my first (and only) shiny, but yeah.

Poor Blue - it really is probably only going to hurt her the longer she keeps it in. Wonder how that is going to play out, since I guess Platinum's now put things in motion. I think the first scene in this chapter is the one I enjoyed the most.

Damn, for Moon's Pokemon to die like that...that's gotta be traumatizing. I have to admire that determination though, even though she's shaping up to be a revenge-obsessed character from what I see.

Awesome chapter as always and can't wait for the next one!

Hehe. Spirit of Vengeance. The amount of curse in that team would be quite terrifying. Hehehe... ... Only shiny, you say? Aww...

Platinum has gotten the ball rolling despite not really wanting to. MVP of the confession? Hehe... Sisterly bonds, indeed. Now, will it work out in favor for Blue??

Moon can’t be filled with a lust for vengeance if none of her friends and Pokemon have perished. And so now she rises from her agony with ice cold determination for blood to be spilled for the blood that had been shed. ... Or does that saying go the other way around? Heh. Regardless. She’s pissed, has a bow, lethal poison, and soon to be a team packed with ghosts (and Dark types).

Thank you as always! And you won’t have to wait long~!

6) Eh lucky really isnt my cup of tea but the way you write stories is pretty awesome keep up the good work!

I could tell by the anon ID you picked. To each their own. And thank you!

7) Awww blue being so shy hahahaha. Its like the roles have reversed since the first time they met thats so cute! Anyway Great story as usual

Hehe. Timid Blue~! It’s new and very cute, isn’t it? And thank you.

8) Hey man Great story looking forward to the next chapter

Thank you. It’s coming very soon.

9) Wow this is A really underrated story I really like how you keep most characters so in character!

Still underrated... in comparison to my previous stuff. But that’s to be expected, I guess. And thank you.

10) Well Colour me surprised ! A Pokemon story thats not forcing crack pairings! Anyway Where is green in this story?

Heh. Crack pairings... Only once in a solar eclipse. And... who? Heh. He’s in Kalos and thus off screen.

11) Wtf did moons Pokemon just die? Great story but damn thats fucking dark

Yes they perished in the fire. “Die, insect” and all. ... And one of them was an insect! Heh. Ahem. ... Dark? That’s not dark. Have you seen the stuff I did in SA and Destiny? Heh...

12) I mean I kinda like the story but isnt specialshipping canon? Also this is really really dark

No, it’s not canon. What is canon is that Yellow has a crush on Red. What’s also canon is that Red is uncomfortable with the idea. And of course he is. He thought she was a guy the whole time and then suddenly found out all at once that she was a girl and had a crush on him. His response is not going to be positive. And again, this is not dark. ... Though I guess that depends on your sensitivity.

13) hey sorry for not leaving A review for so long but I still really like the story lol!

Hey, you’re back. ... Then... who’s the anon with the v2 of your ID?

14) I love your writing style!

Thank you!

15) I somehow found Pearl smacking Black across the face to wake him up funnier than it should’ve been. Haha

I wonder if Blue really will confess to Red today. If so, I wonder how the opportunity would present itself.

Its quite sad that Hau, Lillie, and two of Moon’s Pokemon died. I guess this is where Moon’s overhaul comes in. I cant wait to see Moon’s viciousness unleashed when she inevitably meets the guys responsible for all that.

I look forward to more!

Hehe. Black always getting smacked around in my stories, literally and figuratively.

Will Blue truly confess on that day (which is a day before the stuff in Alola happens), or will she fail again due to anxiety? And will it end well for her??

Moon’s overhaul is happening now, yes. For that, she’ll have to go to Galar too. And I don’t know sh*t about that region, so... that’ll be difficult. Hehe. And much later in the story when she meets her foe... oho, Rage Unleashed Moon!

16) Moon and Lillie sure get burned really bad. Also, what about the kid with the malasadas? Hopefully, Blue will confessed to Red soon...

The local boy with the malasada had the same fate as Lillie. Two stretchers with a body on top, with the white blankets pulled all the way up.

17) I figured that now would be the best time to give a review for one of your works. therefore, I should review my personal favourite.

I been a consistent and long-time reader for numerous years now without ever leaving a review. I simply didn't have an account until recently just so I can give my thoughts on some of the series that you make.

Regarding Legacy as a whole, it truely showcases your ability to take the wide variety of dexholders and thiee different personalities and place them in situations that would absolutely never occur in the actual story. I have always loved the way you portray each individual character, improving thier teama and strategies and having genuine character growth. Although Sun and Moon are my uncontested favourite characters so far, I adore the way you use Platinum B in your stories, giving her a genuine personality and character traits.

You also generate a wide range of different and creative settings for each of the characters to go through. Legacy is the perfect example of this in terms of one truely coherent story setting. by using the opportunity of the highest stakes that these dexholders may ever face, you use the opportunity to explore all of the aspects of each character amazingly and how they would face this danger.

Since Sun and Moon are my favourite characters, the wait for this chapter absolutely killed me. Although it sucks that due to the lack of reviews for these characters I will get few opportunties to read your way of presenting the characters What I am trying to say is that the way you write your characters makes them feel REAL. I genuinely believe that these are the actual characters as they personalties are replicated and refined to perfection The way both Sun and Moon react in this chapter is exactly the way I would have expected them to. Being a Deliveryshipping day 1, seeing even the slightest interactions in any media, especially in your stories always brings joy to me. I have regulary reread most of your works such as Special Chronicals and Distinct Events becuase each story is chapter is amazing in its own right.

Your amazing work has inspired me to possibly start my own project one day. I am sorry for the stress that you have gone through this year and the issues with the Discord. It will get better this year. Seeing as you use reviews to indicate the popularity of a particular series, I had to write this review so that this series can get the update it deserves so that we can all see how this fantastic story ends. Thank your for all of the amazing work you have done.

Whoa, hello. Haven’t gotten a review this long since a certain someone stopped with Destiny reviews back in July.

Accounts aren’t necessary for the reviews. Guest reviews exist! And if you use the same anon ID, I’d know it’s you. But thank you for going through the effort! It’s much appreciated!

Aww, thank you very much! <3 And while I don’t know about Sun, but Moon is going to be in the spotlight quite a lot, so enjoy it! Since Platinum is my uncontested favorite, she gets plenty of development in my stories, with new character bonds, teams, battling style, etc. And unlike in DPPt, she actually gets to do things against the enemy.

Of the three major stories I’ve written (SA, Destiny, Legacy), Legacy has the lowest stakes. But I think it’s also the most personal, which I guess means it’s much more important for individual Dex Holders. Well, we’ll see as time passes. And yes, these are kind of things that would never happen in the actual arcs, so the Dex Holders get to be stress-tested. How would they react given their personalities, tics, relationships, etc, in a realistic situation?

Oh. ... Ahem. Sorry for making you wait 7 months. Ehehe... And while it’s true that Sun and Moon currently have the lowest “viewership”, that changes as time passes. Like Black and White in SA and X and Y in Destiny. As the “meh” torch is passed down to Sword and Shield, Sun and Moon might rise in popularity, thus increasing the chances of them appearing in my stories.

I don’t really know if this was how Sun would react though. But I also don’t know how he would’ve actually reacted, so this might not be outside the possibility range. I kind of had him act like Black, really, but without being as sweet... or loud. Well, there will be more Sun & Moon interactions for you to enjoy in the upcoming chapters, so... there you go!

You should start your own project! Go for it! And eh, Discord. Sh*t happens. I wouldn’t call that stress. Anyways. Yes, I use the review count as an indicator of how many people have finished the chapter. Of course, there are plenty of people who read the chapter to the end without reviewing, and the number of people who review after reading tends to fluctuate. But if there is a trend, that indicates a trend in viewership as well. And that is what I look at. Hence the charts. And yes. We’d all like to see how the story ends. Me included. Keep up with the reviews and we’ll all see it by 2021.

And thank you so much for the review and the... sweet talking. Hehe <3

18) Just found this story and am enjoying it thoroughly. Big fan of your Blue characterization as well, I used to enjoy shipping Red with Yellow, but recently, I've come to enjoy Blue with Red.

A small nitpick - Did none of the juniors comment on Red and Blue sleeping in the same room/bed while they stayed in Red's house in the last two chapters? I would assume the female juniors already know Blue likes Red and so won't say anything unnecessary, but I guess the guys are a little more tactful than we give them credit for?

Looking forward to me. Cheers.

Red with Blue works very well. And it’s cute! Hehe... ... biased.

Heh. The girls... already know, since the girls who are in the house were Platinum, White, and Y, and they already know of Blue’s crush and all that. So White and Y would just snicker at the fact that Red and Blue are sleeping on the same bed, while Platinum would just smile. As for the boys... Diamond might notice something if he spent more time talking to Red and Blue before and after. But I doubt Pearl or Black would notice anything odd. They’d probably just assume that Red and Blue are sharing the bed because a ton of guests were sleeping in the living room, so there were no other options.

Of course, all that’s assuming that the juniors know that Red and Blue are sleeping on the same bed. I don’t recall having Red and Blue give them a tour of the house, so as far as the juniors know, there might be another bed upstairs. ... Though a house tour is generally the first thing you do, but... heh. Ambiguity. No one knows for sure.

And I look forward to seeing more reviews from you!

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Well well. Would you look at THAT. Way above the average now. So... looks like I’ll have to keep my word and update Legacy again before this year ends in 3 days. Heh. Of course, I did notice a few things but... well... whatever.

18. That’s the most reviews I’ve gotten in a chapter in all of 2019. Or 2018. ... And vast majority of 2017 (Legacy Prologue - Kanto was in January 2017). If this kind of thing happened much more frequently, I would be updating Legacy like once every two weeks, instead of 3~4 times in a year.

But, there you have it! New record in almost 3 years. As a result... Legacy update in 3 days.

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DE #031

1) Sun and moon are so cute. I love them

Support the new...ish pairing!

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And with that, DE #031 is no longer in the top 4 least reviewed. Yay!

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SC #017

1) Awesome story.

Thank you.

2) Well that was...brutal alright. Thugs deserved it though. I'm mildly surprised no one died, but I think that's more because I'm used to seeing that from your old "doom hammer" chapters.

I admit the Santa part was an amusing touch, and I guess that explains why you needed to release this by the end of the year. Heh, Blue's gadgets are useful as always and very effective - that's a nice disguise. That action scene was awesome and easily the best scene in this chapter. The situation aside...it was nice to see Red be a hero even without his Pokemon.

You were right - this is an enjoyable chapter and I like this "brutal Red" experiment. Can't wait for the next chapter!

Heh. The doom hammer is for serious stories. Not comical ones. So no one dies in the hands of Santa Claus. This time.

Ahem. Well, there’s the inspiration for the chapter, and the reason behind the line of “Or Santa will go jolly on your naughty asses with a candy cane axe”. Hehe. Cheers, everyone, Santa has come to town!

And the duo of Red and Blue becomes much stronger. Mercenary Red with technological support!

Hehe. Much more serious brutal Red (instead of comical) to come up later as the experimentation continues. Ohoho!

3) holy crud, santa beating up a gang is greatest thing ever

Yep. Santa going to town on their naughty asses with a candy cane bat. What’s not to love?

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And with that, the latest SC chapter is now in the top 4 least reviewed. For now?

... Looks like the “A Day at Work” chapters are failing miserably, since they’re at 1 and 3 reviews respectively. So... I guess I won’t be doing that again.

And with this, the longest review response post of 2019 has come to an end.

[doseofheroes]

Stalling

Summary: When Bucky is injured in the woods, he comes across a small cabin.

Words: 4072 (wtf)

Pair: bucky x reader

Warnings: violence, swearing

A/n: it is literally my first time writing anything besides a paper for school so sorry for how terrible it is but I had the idea and wanted to try! Also learnt the hard way about formatting so hopefully its somewhat coherent. Also also I wrote it in a night on my phone... Idk if literally anyone will read this but im kinda happy with how it turned out so enjoy!

When you moved out to the middle of nowhere a couple of months ago you knew you were just stalling. After graduating university four quick years later you were no more sure of what you wanted to do now then when you started. So yes, time off to be alone and think for yourself was a stall tactic, but doesn’t mean it was the wrong move right?

The first couple of weeks were peaceful. You were in a small cabin you rented off airbnb located somewhere on the outer edge of the ** forest. Snow fell as slowly creating a fresh layer as you sat inside cozied up with a blanket and some tea reading by the fire. A clichè but still nice.

You made yourself some pasta for dinner and listened to some old Amy Whinehouse tunes. Cleaning up the dishes you decided to call it an early night and went to bed. Little did you know what or rather who would show up at your door that night.

==============================

Bucky and Natasha had set out on mission to the depths of the ** forest where a known hydra base was located. Their job was to only collect intel for now so they could make a proper plan and bring back the group for execution. The base had turned out to be much larger than they had anticipated counting over 250 hydra agents working on the base so far.

“How the hell are we just getting wind of this now?” Bucky stared at the base in confusion.

“Somethings not right. We should’ve heard about this one when we took out the others.” Nat said sharing a concerned look with Bucky.

“We shouldn’t go any further until we get the others” Nat said as she started to pack up.

“We need to figure out what the deal is here” Bucky started “we can’t leave yet.”

“Bucky, there are 250 of them and 2 of us. I know we’re a little above average but thats a bit overkill. No pun intended.”

Bucky smirked at her attempt at humour but there was no way he was leaving just yet. He felt something was off and he wanted to know what. “I’ll do a quick look around. In and out. No contact”

“Bucky, no. Dont be stupid. I get it, but lets not do something we’ll regret. I’m calling this in, i’ll let them know were heading back.”

Bucky sits silently for a second and notices she’s looking for his agreement. He nods.

As Nat trails back to get a signal Bucky turns back to look at the base. “What are you up to...” he says to himself as he looks around. Thats when he sees it. The ever so familiar blue liquid. Fuck he thinks to himself. Theyre trying again...more super soldiers...more....me. His mind flashes back to his hydra days and all the stuff they made him do. This can’t happen.

Against all better judgement he looks back at Nat who is still facing away and starts to descend down the rocks towards the base. He just needs to get the suitcase filled with the serum and get out.

Reaching the outer gates he looks around to make his plan. Thats when all hell brakes loose. A guard patrolling the fence line spots him and starts to yell. Bucky runs over to take him out before anyone notices but it’s too late. Next thing he knows hes taking on an army of hydra agents, shots flying. Nat hears the commotion and turns around. “I don’t believe this.” She says into her comms. She’s about to start the descent when she realizes its too late. Bucky’s down. They’ve got him. This just became a rescue mission.

==============================

Bucky slowly comes to and tries to rub his face but soon realizes he is restrained. Taking in his surroundings he tries not to let panic set in as he looks around the room of the hydra base. Everyone is silently staring at him now that he’s awake. One of the men mutters something to a nurse and she leaves the room. The door bursts open a minute later and in comes a tall thin man with a lab coat. “Hello Mr Barnes. This is a pleasant surprise.” Bucky says nothing but gives the man a blank stare. “I see, the strong but silent type. Well your timing is opportune for us Mr Barnes. you see, we are finally creating our own little army of, well, you to be blunt, and I think you can give me the answers to the questions that remain.” Bucky stays silent not letting his panic show. The doctor doesn’t say much more telling the nurses to start the work up. They start collecting blood samples.

Bucky knows he doesn’t have long before this gets real bad so he starts to form his escape plan in his head. The restraints do not feel like they will be too difficult to break out of, its the building he is unsure of, having been unconscious when they brought him in. I guess we’re gonna wing it he thinks to himself.

Once the nurses clear and all the guards leave except the two at the door, Bucky knows its time. He breaks out of the restraints easily, as he suspected. He knocks on the door and the two guards turn around, eyes widening with realization. They start yelling as he bursts through the door knocking them both out.

As he makes his way through the building things are getting worse and worse. Thats when he sees the doctor, face not of fear, but perhaps interest? Bucky keeps making his way out when he sees a guy blocking the door. He takes a good look at him and he realizes. Shit. This is no regular soldier.

He starts swinging and while he is holding his own, he is still taking quite the beating. I just have to get out he thinks. The soldier now has a rifle. great. Using his arm to deflect the shots he runs full force to take him down but takes a hit in his side. Bucky grunts as the shot stings but the soldier pulls out a knife and Bucky rolls in a near miss.

Ducking and dodging Bucky reminds himself he’s not here to fight, he just needs to get out. He turns and makes a run for it, and is almost home free when he feels a sharp pain in his shoulder and is knocked down. He turns his head to see the knife sticking out of his back. Pulling it out slowly Bucky cringes at the pain but the soldier is already walking back to him.

A knife fight ensues as Bucky desperately tries to stave him off. A realization comes to Bucky. I gotta take the hit to leave. Bucky slows his movements and he feels the knife go straight into his chest. Screaming in pain bucky pulls out the knife almost regretting that, but now, with both knives in his hand he is able to make a run for it throwing the final two knives hitting the soldier twice as he makes his escape.

==============================

Bucky is out of breath and losing feeling as his body tries to recover from the two stab wounds and the shot. He needs to find a safe place to get the bullet out.

After wandering for a few miles Bucky smells smoke. That’s when he sees it. A house...out here? He checks the perimeter for any signs of hyrda or that someone is living there. There is a car in the driveway but no signs point to hydra. He takes the risk and starts to bang on the door.

What the fuck? You think to yourself as you slowly wake up to a loud noise. Fear sets in when you realize someone is banging on your door. You sit in bed waiting for a few minutes hoping they will go away. When the knocking doesn’t subside you decide to go down and check out who it is. God this is stupid, you’ve seen horror movies y/n!!

You look through the doors peephole and thats when you see him. Its dark out so you can’t make out much but you can tell he is handsome. Really y/n? A stranger is knocking on your door in the middle of nowhere at 2 am and you think ‘ooh he’s handsome’?! You mentally scold yourself. Thats when you notice he is clutching his chest.

“Please. I know you’re there. I can hear you. I just need some help and I will leave. I mean you no harm” please for the love of god let me in Bucky thinks to himself.

You are terrified but he looks really hurt. This is a bad idea...you think to yourself but unlock the door anyway.

Bucky perks up at the noise and the door opens slowly. Buckys eyes look up to you and he stares for a second. “Can I come in, please?” He says softly.

“Oh yes sorry!” You say as you let him in, adrenaline rushing. He walks inside slowly looking around before heading to the kitchen. You go to turn on the lights and flick them on before he has time to yell “Dont!” But its too late. You gasp as you take in his injuries and blood soaked clothes.

You look up to his face. “Please, turn them off” he says firmly but quietly. You do as he says. He has the most beautiful blue eyes you think before being kicked back to reality.

“Are you- are you o-okay?” You ask voice shaky. He stays silent. “Well you’re obviously not okay...but do you need...how can I help you? Should I call the police? You should really-“

“Im fine, no need to call anyone” he says cutting you off. “Do you have a towel or something?” You sit there frozen for a few seconds before you spring into action. You disappear upstairs for a few minutes. Bucky takes a deep breath after you leave trying to reorganize his thoughts. The moment he saw your face he forgot, even just for a moment, why he was there in the first place. You had such a calming presence even though you were clearly panicked. You came back arms full with anything you thought could be remotely useful. First aid kit, towels, and a sewing kit you didn’t know you had until now among other things. As you head back to the kitchen you almost drop everything as the man stands shirtless in front of you. You regain composure placing everything on the counter pretending not to see the man smirk.

“I’m going to need you to take the bullet out.” He deadpans. “What?!” You choke out almost laughing at the thought. “I can’t reach it with my other injuries....” he trails off seeing the panicked look on your face “you know what don’t worry about it I think I can manage” A wave of relief floods over you at his words but as he goes to sit you see him wince and you know he was lying for your benefit. Be strong y/n you can do this, you are a strong independent woman “ I can do it. I can take it out. You’re clearly not okay.” Bucky is about to protest but stops when he feels another wave of pain. He nods at you and sterilizes the tweezers before handing them to you. You grab them reluctantly but give him a small smile. He doesn’t know why but that small action gives him enough comfort he thinks he might just be ok. “Okay here goes nothing” you say as he exhale deeply and stick the tweezers in. Bucky grips the counter top and groans. “Im so sorry!” You quickly retreat from your real life game of operation. “No I’m fine keep going” he says and gives you a reassuring smile. “So..” you try to think of some conversation to keep his mind elsewhere. “Do you like cats?” Oh my god bitch are you for real, you are gonna die alone. You clear your throat awkwardly, too late to back out of this conversation. He cracks a smile at your clear embarrassment but answers your question. “Um Ive never had one but I dont mind them I guess. More of a dog person I think” she nods. “Are you...a cat person?” Yikes this is awkward Bucky thinks to himself. But he kind of likes awkward with you. “ Im in animal person in general. Love them all.” You say half focused on the conversation half focused on his side. You try not to let your eyes wander to his abs...and that chest.. ugh is this a man or a god and thats when you realized you had stopped moving and he was staring at you....staring at him. Your eyes quickly dart away and your face heats up at being so blatantly caught enjoying the view. He chuckles and you quickly change the subject. “So care to explain any of this or are you just going to bleed all over my kitchen?” You say almost defensively trying to hide your embarrassment. Bucky stiffens a little. “Are you going to find the bullet or just stare at me all night?” He says half joking, avoiding the question. “I think” you say before grabbing onto the bullet finally and pulling it out quickly. Bucky winces. “that you are avoiding the question” you finish. “You know me so well already!” He states pouring some alcohol over the wound, wincing again. “Here. Stay still.” You say ready to stitch it up. “You’ve really accepted the nurse role” he says smirking “I appreciate it.” He finished more seriously. You smile back. God he loved that smile. Get yourself together barnes, it’s just a pretty girl. “Wait you’re not actually a nurse are you?” He asks suspiciously.You laugh at the accusation. “No. I’m nothing.” Wow way to spill all you life problems in one depressing sentence y/n!! Ughhh why can’t I talk to men. Well when they look this good...”What do you mean?” He asks ignoring the pain of your amateur stitches. Definitely not a nurse...“I just meant I haven’t decided what I am going to do, or be yet...thats all” you give him a weak smile and he nods in understanding. “You want me to do the others?” You point to his stab wounds. casual. “Uh sure, if you dont mind. Thanks” You nod again and begin working. You sit in silence for a bit before something occurs to Bucky. He didn’t kill that solider...they’ll be looking for him...and he may have led them right here to you. You feel Bucky tense and he begins to look around. “Whats wrong?” You ask suddenly nervous again. Wait when did you stop being nervous? “Nothing” he said quickly. “Well sit still im almost done” you say and he nods. You finish the last stitch and sit up.

“There all done! I cannot believe I just did that” You begin to smile but it quickly fades as Bucky immediately stands up and puts his shirt back on. A confused look grows on your face which quickly turns to fear as Bucky starts pulling out your kitchen knives and shoving them in his belt. He grabs your hand and starts to drag you upstairs “come with me”. You follow.

Once upstairs he looks around before opening the closet door. “Uhhh what are you doing” you say ignoring the feeling you get when he grabs your hips and moves you into the closet. “They must have followed me. Stay in here and don’t make a noise. Dont leave until I come get you.” You stare at him waiting for your brain to catch up. “Do you understand? Not a word.” You nod slowly. “You will be okay. I won’t let anyone hurt you I promise.” He turns to leave then pauses. “Im Bucky by the way.” “Y/n” you reply weakly. With that he smiles then closes the door and you hear his footsteps walk back downstairs. You sit in silence the only noise being your heavy breaths for a few minutes before you hear glass smash. Bucky takes in his surroundings, five agents, all heavily armed but no super solider. That can’t be good. He takes them down one by one with ease mentally apologizing for everything he’s breaking in your home. Once the last agent is down he steps outside and listens for more. He can hear them every so slightly which means they can’t be more than a mile away. He needs to get you out of there, you’re sitting ducks.

He runs back inside and grabs your car keys before heading upstairs to retrieve you. He swings open the closet door and you let out a scream and start kicking. “Hey hey its me!” You look up and realize your safe. “Sorry...wh-what happened?” “We need to leave. I got your keys, leave everything here, stay behind me” You get up slowly and nod sticking closely behind him. He walks slowly and quietly down the stairs then pauses. Oh fu- Buckys thoughts get cut off as he ducks to avoid the super soldiers hand swinging at his head. Ho. Ly. Shit. You think watching Bucky expertly fight what looks like a man but appears to have the strength of an elephant. You hide behind a wall peering around to watch when it hits you. Super strong men...bullets...bucky...im in an airbnb with the winter soldier. The realization hits you like a truck and you turn around stunned. You catch your breath and begin to watch again. Fear settles in all over when you see the soldier choking the life out of Bucky. Without thinking you grab a knife from the floor run over and stab him in the back. The soldier loosens his grip just enough for Bucky to break free and snaps the guys neck before he has a chance to grab you. “Thanks...” he huffs out holding his neck “we have to move” He grabs your arm and takes you out to the car. You both get inside and Bucky just starts driving.

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The drive is mostly silence as you try and process what is happening and Bucky tries to figure out what to say. “You don’t have a phone on you do you?” He asks. “No..uh you told me not to grab anything” “Right” More silence. I have to say something Bucky decides. “I’m sorry for dragging you into this. I wasn’t thinking straight and I-“ “You’re the winter soldier aren’t you?” You cut him off. Oh god. Bucky thought this couldn’t get worse, she called me the winter soldier, shes afraid. “I am- or was” He doesn’t know how else to say it without going off. You sit there for a minute in silence. “Ok” is all you say. Bucky looks at you in surprise. “Ok?” “Yeah, ok” you repeat. With that you shift in your seat and nod off. Ok...Bucky repeats this over and over in his head as he drives back to the compound.

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“So..they’re going to be angry with me...just as a heads up.” Bucky says to you as you arrive at the compound. “What? Aren’t you the one who is injured and missing?” “Well, yes, but it’s my fault. I was reckless and I put everyone in danger. Including you. Im sorry.” Bucky suddenly felt even more guilty in remembering that you were now dragged into this too. “It’s okay, honestly, I’m just glad your okay” you said with a smile. It was true. Yes, you were scared shitless at the time but you’re not going to pretend you weren’t psyched to have met Bucky and soon the avengers! Plus..you were going stir crazy in that cabin... oh the cabin...there goes my deposit. Bucky smiled back and got out of the car. You followed him all the way through the front doors to the elevator and down the hall admiring the building around you. This is a Stark building all right...

Bucky slowed and you could hear the avengers in on the other side of the door discussing. He steps inside and stops. “Hey guys” they all whip their heads around to stare at Bucky. Smooth. “ARE YOU KIDDING ME? YOU IDIOT!” You hear a female voice. They all proceed to start yelling at him over one another. “Guys....guys...GUYS” Bucky yells finally prompting them to stop. He steps aside and you figure thats your cue so you enter the room. “Hello” you say awkwardly waving to everyone. They all stare at you then back at him. “Who is this?” Tony friggen stark asks Bucky. “When I escaped i was injured and I came across her house. She stitched me up but they followed me so we took her car and well... here we are!” “Buck, we went in to get you and you weren’t there. What happened?” Oh my goddddd captain america!!!! Neutral face y/n, neutral face, be cool. “I broke out about 30 minutes after I was...taken in... but they had a super soldier of their own. Barely got out of there with a bullet hole and two stab wounds.” Bucky says nonchalantly. Your eyes widen at the implications of his story. For some reason your brain forgot something happened before he showed up at your door. Dude was shot and stabbed twice! What the fuck! “And you coincidentally live up in a cabin in the woods alone near a hydra base?” Tony says to you receiving a glare from Bucky. “Wha- hydra base?- no, I rented that cabin, its an airbnb, I was just staying there for a few months” you say, looking around for confirmation that they believe you. They look at each other skeptically. “She stabbed the super soldier to save me- do I really have to say this?” Bucky tries to defend you. “Hey, look, I should just go home, I don’t mean to cause any trouble” you say suddenly feeling how tired you were. “I’m sorry, but they might have seen you, I can’t let you go home until this is cleared up.” Bucky says sympathetically. Your eyes widen at this statement. You look around at the other faces and your fears are confirmed. “He’s right. We need to figure out what their plan is...and no offence..but who you are.” Steve says earning another glare from bucky. You think about this for a moment. I guess I would be skeptical too... plus staying here wouldn’t be so bad...“Alright. Fair enough.” You say shrugging. Buckys face looks surprised but then relieved. In fact they all look relieved.“Well all right sergeant, show the lady to her room” Tony says grinning at Bucky. With that you follow Bucky through the building.

==============================

When you and Bucky finally reach your new room you can tell he wants to say something. “Im so so-“ “thanks f-“ You both speak at the same time. “You first” you say, giggling.Buckys heart clenches at the sound. ”Look, im just really sorry about all of this, I don’t know how to make it up to you.” You can see the guilt on his face. You want to wipe it away with your hands..mouth... god y/n, you sad little daydreamer. “Really truly, its okay. If it were to be anyone I’m glad its me, I was literally in the middle of doing nothing” you say laughing. “But I know how you can make it up to me” you say smiling. “How, anything” he says, face lighting up, not letting his mind go to the places her statement suggested. My first choice would be to for you to push me up against this door and make out with me buuuut... “give me a tour of this place tomorrow?” You say, the confidence of your subconscious not quite reaching your mouth. “Deal” he says nodding. His eyes linger over you for too long before he notices you stifling a yawn. “Sorry, youve had a long night, I’ll let you sleep. See you tomorrow.” “Tomorrow” you say smiling as he leaves the room. Left alone in this strange place, your thoughts swirl on only one thing, or should you say only one man.

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To be continued?

Comments appreciated :)

[sol1056]

three anons: what the hell was all that in S7

Picking out the three that are most to the point for this answer, but I’ve got another dozen or so that overlap. Not sure I’ll have time/energy to answer the rest individually, so hopefully this meta will be sufficient. 

I mean it could be that they had different execs back then who were better at their jobs and kept Shiro around. No one disliked black paladin Shiro, even the DotU fans were ok with it, and the writing in s1-2 was mostly very good. Changing all that was a bad idea. I would have left on the spot if Shiro died or was benched, like now, I'm only around for closure. Maybe they were different execs with this decision & the EPs leaped at the chance. Well, we know who's also gonna be in trouble if that's the case.

With your theory on how storyboards were reused and characters shuffled around for cost cutting, might this not also partly explain the Adam flashback scene and how it was staged? I mean, they were originally supposed to be roommates and the scene was meant to appear in season 2 but got cut. What if they just reused the storyboard (or even animation, if it was already mostly done) the way it was and then just changed the dialogue? This could explain the lack of intimacy in the staging, too. Ezor and Zethrids interactions were more openly intimate maybe not (just) because they‘re villains who die immediately after, but because the decision to make them an item came before storyboarding was done, so the staging is more suggestive. I mean, if you think Shiro was mostly pasted in in the first half of s7, that might make sense.

If cost was the issue and they already had the black paladin Shiro version written, and got the greenlight to change it to Keith then things don't add up. Because they changed it once more! Which could have been avoided if they stuck to the Shiro one. And it goes without saying it would be better written to follow canon instead of the mess we got, like, I cant imagine this NOT discussed. So if it wouldn't be cost effective to change it again for Keith and it would be badly written, why did it happen?

Behind the cut: the most likely chronology of revisions, the clues in S7 as to its original form, and what this means for S8 and the Black Paladin position. 

This is everything I’ve been able to figure out between interviews, podcasts, tweets, plus researching the industry and a few reality-checks with friends more familiar. As always, any mistakes are my own. 

version 0: "five teenagers"

This would’ve been the first pitch after getting the green light, and probably only a loose synopsis, with just the pilot given a rough storyboard. A post-apocalyptic Earth conquered by the Galra, who are seeking Blue. The execs rejected JDS' mechanism for the discovery of Blue, in favor of simply having Keith ‘sense’ Blue. The execs also rejected the idea that Shiro would die only a few episodes in. This summary seems to be the basis of the "five teenagers" part of the teaser.

version A: "shiro kicks the bucket"

Timelines would've dictated moving onto an outline pretty quickly, detailed down to the episode level, including bits of dialogue, motifs, turning points or emotional beats. In this revision, Shiro dies/leaves at the end of S2 and does not return. This is the “originally we wanted him to kick the bucket” version, which the execs rejected.

version B: "shiro goes away for awhile"

If I'm interpreting the hints correctly, the "does Shiro die or not" question got tossed back and forth all the way into S1/S2 pre-production. Rather than rearrange everything, the easiest fix would've been to leave most of the story intact and write only a new ending where Shiro returns. The execs reject this rewrite, saying Shiro can’t be gone that long. This is the “we tried to just have him gone for awhile, but the execs said he had to come back sooner” version.

version C: "enter the clone"

Again, easiest fix is to insert Shiro/Kuron, remove Keith, and reverse that just before Shiro's return in version B. This impacts only the middle seasons (S3-S6); the clone compromise satisfies the execs. Kuron's characterization makes a lot more sense if it’s Keith, in visuals (ie Kuron leaning against the wall in Keith fashion), dialogue (fighting with Lance), and action (leaving without consulting the team). It's also why no one mentions Keith's absence. Because in the original version A, Keith was standing right there.

version D: "wtf is going on", aka Season 7

When JDS mentions having a full season written with Shiro as Black Paladin, it didn't make sense how they'd have a script and not use it. With @ptw30's visual detective work, I think I may've figured it out.

Technical notes: first scripts are all written for a season, then voices are recorded, and then the combined script+recording is used to storyboard. Production seasons are 26-episodes, independent of actual broadcast seasons; VA may be recording scenes across two 13-episode seasons completely out of order, since the recording schedule's going to be based on who's available, not chronology of the file numbers. The biggest staff changes are usually in April ('staffing season') when new shows get the greenlight and start sharking around to catch writers, designers, directors, etc.

In March of this year, S5 was released. At least some of the storyboarders were released in time for staffing season; in April, Hedrick moves to a new project. With S7/S8 being unchanged since version B, I suspect Hedrick delivered the scripts for S7 and S8 by winter of last year, at latest. Even that would be tight, since that's expecting animation to deliver 26 episodes in an 8-month timeframe. [edit: probably delivered much earlier, given the studio leaks show images we can recognize from S7/S8, so some amount of these seasons were in production by then.]

In June, S6 dropped, and a week later, Hamilton was announced as the new story editor via the Lets Voltron podcast. With the lead time required in production, there doesn't seem to be any reason to even need a story editor, at this point. All the pre-production work should be done.

In August, S7 dropped. Hedrick's editor credit is only for the first half of the season; Hamilton gets it for the second half. That means the last six episodes were written after Hedrick's departure. (May Chan's S2 script was reused in part, and she gains a belated co-writing script credit for that. Hedrick should've received the same; it's standard.)

Let's recap a few things we know (and a few we can intuit) about S7:

The season was already written with Shiro returning as Black Paladin, possibly also recorded and storyboarded. 

S6 reversed the S4-S5 trend, lending strength to exec arguments that Shiro is necessary in the story.

After S6 dropped, the EPs said the wolf's name was a spoiler. See this post from @pwt30; tl;dr is that perhaps the EPs intended the wolf to be Shiro's spirit. 

Despite Shiro's return, he's absent for the majority of the first half; when he is present, he barely speaks a half-dozen words, and none are plot-relevant. See @ptw30's post for more details. 

There's a glaring incontinuity when Allura says the paladin armor protected the team, yet Shiro is frozen with the other non-paladins despite wearing armor. 

Keith never offers for Shiro to pilot, nor mentions it, nor even seems to consider it an issue.

Not everything dovetails since I don't have the full picture, but here's my theory: S7 was originally outlined with Shiro's spirit in the wolf, rather than Black. I have no idea when/how JDS would've thought up the CA:WS parallels for his sole writing credit, but Shiro's "I died" and Lotor's psychotic breakdown are squeezed into S6E6, which was written by Josh Hamilton, Hedrick's later replacement. The only other Shiro-in-Black point is a few minutes at the end of S6's final episode. Shifting from Shiro-in-wolf to Shiro-in-Black really only affects one episode, with a bit of editing for another.

Anyway, S6 ends version C, and we segue to version B. For the first half of S7, the clone's body may have been in stasis while the team traveled through its various non-adventures. The episode we now know as S7E1 may have been the mid-point, with about six episodes of Shiro being unconcious. After watching the numbers drop from S3 to S6, the execs may've rejected another six episodes of where-is-Shiro and insisted he come back ASAP.

S7 only has two episodes that must be in order; the rest are pretty rearrangeable. All they had to do was insert Shiro into the background and record a few lines. (Several lines are pure voice-over, which also saves cost/time by not needing to animate moving mouth.) But the moved episode is only his memory/awakening, and the logical next episode would be Shiro's reconnection, and the rest of the season would roll from there. Without moving the entire second half of the season to the start, moving only his awakening episode would mean Shiro does nothing for 5-6 episodes and then abruptly reconnects.  

In a recent interview, JDS said at first the execs weren't enthused until JDS talked up the new mecha they'd give Shiro to captain. Honestly, there's no way JDS got to be EP without giving a really good pitch, but there may've been another element to his argument: nostalgia. The EPs seem certain everyone suffers from their same nostalgia dementia, which if you do, then you probably have been waiting for any glimpse of that og!Keith. If Shiro returns at the start of S7, then Keith's time in Black has been limited to a few disastrous episodes in S3, and a single big battle in S6. The beginning of S7 is the only time we'd ever see the Voltron84 formation working as a unified team, and returning Shiro too soon would defeat the whole purpose of showing how the team has grown in his absence.

The solution seems to have been to remove Shiro's reconnection completely, and keep Keith in Black. That would mean re-recording Shiro's lines from the midpoint onward, and editing in Keith over Shiro. The savings would be that only half the seaon would have to be reworked, not all. The loose end of the space wolf --- an artifact of version B --- was left in place.  

What I'm not sure of is whether the following are significant enough changes to warrant removing Hedrick's name and replacing it with Hamilton's. It could be, if supervising the revision process is enough to override the previous credits. I have no idea about that part of the industry, and it's the kind of edge case you're just not going to find a lot of blog posts about, so if you know, tell me. Otherwise, your guess is as good as mine.

Anyway, this would've meant Shiro was switched in for Allura, Allura was put back in a lion, and Keith was switched in for Shiro. This would explain why Shiro speaks as the leader of Voltron despite no longer being a paladin, and the uneasy sensations a lot of people got about the characterizations. It was most striking in the last three episodes: Shiro felt like Allura v2, while Keith felt like Shiro v2. And that further, the Altean-Earthian ship just 'lighting up' for Shiro --- and becoming that oversized white mecha --- may've meant as Allura's fourth (fifth?) deus ex machina.

I'd be willing to bet that mid-battle, Allura repeated her stunt from the end of S2, heading out to destroy Sendak's crystal by herself. She wouldn't need Sam to hack her brain, and then we'd also have a call back to when she got knocked down by the crystal-ball thing on Naxzela. If she was the one meant to go toe-to-toe with Sendak, that would explain the bizarre neutrality of Sendak's words --- he says nothing personal to Shiro, at all --- and the even more bizarre silence on Shiro's part. Allura's words wouldn't fit Shiro, so he's silent.

And lastly, it'd mean that the one leaping out of Black to cut down Sendak wouldn't have been Keith. It would've been Shiro.

Where would the story go from here?

If I look at the events of S7, the first half is terribly disjointed, really. If Shiro was supposed to wake at the midpoint, an episode (or two) is missing. One for him to reconnect with Black, and a second that would provide some minor conflict to settle him back into position. Those two episodes were likely replaced with the unexpected and frankly over-told two-parter of the Earth flashbacks.

Two problems with that, one technical, one structural.

First, the flashback two-parter has a lot of moving parts. Brand-new designs, characters, and backdrops. It's far too elaborate to be done in an ultra-compressed timeframe, not without several heart attacks and therapy bills on the part of the animation staff. (Plus, the US-based storyboarding team is already downsized, so fewer hands to do the work.)

Second, it doesn't make a lot of structural sense, especially against the big revelations in S6 of an existing Altean colony. Within the story, there's no reason to halt everything and travel across the universe to take however long to build a new castle, when the Altean colony question is far more pressing. Returning to earth also violates the structure, because it's really just a standard milieu: start on earth, head out to have adventures, and return home at the end.

But here, they're returning home and then possibly leaving again. That's just... a rather peculiar and imbalanced way to do it. It doesn't help that doing so means literally telling Romelle her people are just gonna have to rot, the paladins are certain they need the castle more. Why would you take one of the more compelling storylines you've come up with, only to background it again, and wreck the traditional bookending milieu structure at the same time? Especially if that means coming up with major set-pieces and brand-new designs in the space of several months, after a chunk of your core staff are already onto other things.

I think those two flashback episodes -- and the rewritten finale episodes --- may've been cribbed from S8. In other words, the second half of S7 was the original end of S8. That would mean repurposing already-created storyboards and animation artifacts, so there's a huge time savings there (not counting the need to re-record voices and edit the visuals to match the changed-around parts). 

[note: if there’s anywhere you want to frontload introductions for the spin-off, it’d be in the final season, not the penultimate season. Here it feels like a big honking distraction, rather than an organic segue into the next iteration.]

That change necessitated that utterly bizarro mecha that appeared out of nowhere with the most ridiculously impeccable timing. There needed to be a reason to pull the team back out to space to deal with Haggar and/or the alt-Alteans and/or Lotor or whomever else it turns out to be.

So... where we go from here depends on when S8 gets released, because that’ll tell us how much they did (or did not) edit the episodes. Another clue will be whose name gets listed as head editor for an episode; if we see Hedrick’s name reappear at the top, we’ll know we’re dealing with episodes that are enough unrevised to qualify as being Hedrick-edited, that it’s a version B episode. 

My expectation? They’ll move Shiro’s reconnection to the first part of S8, and add an episode or edit pieces of another, to blend it into what would’ve been the first half of S8 (probably with filler to mask the gap). Then add an episode to segue into the version B finale of S7, where we’d end with the original VLD lineup. With the time needed for animation, that’d be the easiest (if potentially awkward) way to repurpose as much as possible of existing artifacts. 

If we don’t get S8 in the next 1-2 months, though, all bets are off, and there’s a much greater possibility that the entire final season is being redone from scratch. I’d expect Keith to stay in Black, in that case, but I’m always willing to be pleasantly surprised.  

edited to add: see this followup for another detail that supports the reversed-seasons theory

[josephcolella]

Fuck, where do I start

2019 snuck up on me and I realised that most of the shit I wanted to get done in 2018 didn’t eventuate.

I did manage to get through David Goggins Can’t Hurt Me and man was it an inspiring listen (I got the audio book version as it had extra content).

What was my take away from it?

That everything I find that makes me unhappy is up to me to change and nobody else and instead of crying about it like a bitch boy I need to knuckle down and take some souls.

Here are some issues I need to deal with:

Issue #1 My Weight

While I’m not obese I am overweight for my height. I took steps a few years ago to lose weight and get fit and hired a personal trainer to help me.

He worked wonders and I lost a shit load of fat but I found that mentally I couldn’t do it without him.

I ended up putting on weight again after I changed jobs and lost access to my PT (he worked at the office gym).

I hadn’t made the mental shift to own my problem and looked to him to hold my hand.

Come December 2018, 6 months after changing jobs; I had gone from 75kg back out to 79kg and the trend wasn’t looking good. I didn’t want to get back to 84kg as that shit leads to all sorts of physical problems and mental issues.

So after reading Goggins book, I went on a holiday with the family and started eating less... quite simple. I tracked my calorie intake using MyFitnessPal and that was it.

Weight loss was at a snails pace but still ok.

In 3 weeks I lost 1kg.

The past few weeks I’ve added doing 100 pushups a day using Pavel Statsouline’s method where I started with 10 reps of 10 pushups throughout the day. Lately I’ve been doing 4 sets of 25 spread across the day.

Same strength result without the lactic acid or muscle pain, which means I can do these day in day out and get all the benefits without any downtime.

My new Myzone heart rate monitor and app also helped by gamifying exercise. More on that later.

Last week I reduced my calorie intake further and went from 77 to a see saw of 76/75.5kg.

And there it stayed.

So I decided to go a bit more aggressive on my food intake and set a target of 1500 calories a day.

What I found interesting is that going from 2100 calories to 1500 calories has been easier than I thought and I’m actually less hungry because I’ve been eating better quality food and feeling fuller longer.

I’ve cut out most processed snacks and eating more whole foods and lean meats. I’ve gone from cheat day eating once a week to a cheat meal now and then.

I still eat KFC and McDonalds but as the cookies monster says, it’s sometimes food.

This morning I weighed myself and I’m down to 74.7kg. That’s how much I weighed in 2010 when I got married.

I’m more motivated than ever now.

Using Pavel’s method I’m going to reintroduce pull-ups, squats and deadlifts at home in the garage using the simple equipment I already own as I now refuse to spend any money on exorbitant priced gyms (can you believe a no frills gym is around $1000/y in Sydney!!! Wtf.. my simple equipment cost $300 all up).

So hopefully that should take care of the body.

Next the mind..

Issue #2 - Fixing my headspace

Ok so I don’t have any obvious mental issues. I don’t even think I get sad that much.

I just had and have a lot of small things that bother me.

I blamed everyone else but now I’m owning it.

Using my newfound discipline to undertake some extreme ownership.

Hopefully that will also help with my relationships, with my wife as well as with family and friends.

So the next thing I’ve done is made my problems my own and not expect someone else to fix it for me.

I also need to pay any emotional or promise debt. That is, if i have committed to anything to complete it and deliver it.

Too many open projects or things I’ve promised to do and then not done just sits in the back of my mind taking up valuable space and blocking my creativity.

Once I’m clear of this shit then I’m mentally free to do what I want.

Issue # 3 - Environment

By environment I don’t mean the sea, land or sky around me.. well sort of.

It’s ensuring my living areas, house, car etc are tidy and free of clutter.

Your environment represents your mind.

[cpknightly1]

Hello Surgey Buddies

Have you taken your Doctor's temperature lately? Not that thermometer THE OTHER ONE.

I hope you are healing and well and enjoying the emense and intense HEAT. Please stay hydrated. But slowly. Don't try to gulp liquid down when your very hot. Drink slowly a little at a time. But steadily. If not, your body will sure tell you. "That was too fast"! You'll end up tossing your cookies. Nice and steady is the way.

So here's a question for you.

Have you ever made a phone call and been confused with a phone solicitor? At least that's what I think they thought. "Wrong number"....(click). Holy Crap.

Now I feel it's better not to call them again. Unless they call me back. Sheesh.

Today marks the 7th month I've been in this wrist brace. I have to have ice on it 24 hours a day.

The diagnosis I got was, "It just happens " WTF?

Let me explain. They thought my injury was a condition called "Kenibocks syndrome" where the bone in your wrist is losing it's blood supply and eventually has to be removed. It usually happens because of an injury..they think.

Think?? I went back, he presses on the bone and no pain at all. The supply was back. However the pain still continues. For those of you who may get this it's best to keep the blood flow up. I was surprised that it can be done with wine. Or red grapes.

PARTY! I don't drink so I used massage and gentle pt.

Dr. Says it may be neurological. I've become exasperated.

Have you noticed it's very difficult to get an appointment right now? There's like a back log of patients. So your appointments are weeks or even months away. The belief is because of the backlog of effects on society and Covid.

Hopefully within the next 6 months things will adjust. It is very important to keep the appointments you make. Stay vigilant. Because you don't know when you will get another.

I may see some of you in recovery soon with this wrist. I'll bring enough ice packs to make an igloo!! Maybe we should try to play some pinochle or jenga (oh sure). And plenty of rubber bands to fling at the Doctors. Be nice to your nurses. Remember they put the bandages on.

It is true that the healing of wounds or surgery can move quicker with a lack of stress and anxiety. It helps the body to adjust in a healthy way to healing. Also very important to rest. Don't go ga-ga that the healing is finished. You could have a longer time to heal or have other complications.

Ok so someone told me that a show called "Peaky Blinders" was really good. I started watching and ended up not being able to stop. It was a marathon week. Give it a look. It is a true story.

Have you ever done that? Watched a show and you can't stop watching? It's a really great show. Hence the reason I haven't watched the final season of "Derry Girls". I hate when good shows are done.

I've started ideas for the next book. And have procrastinated with the publishing. With this wrist. You really don't know how much you use your hands together and forget to stop from trying with the injured one. "SOAB"!! has been ringing out through the entire house.

As the summer comes to an end..don't stop going to the gym. This happens to many people. And it's during these next months that your body will need it most. Halloween candy, Thanksgiving, Christmas. Even if you go twice a week you'll feel better and keep your weight in check.

I keep looking at my guitar and sighing. I'm counting on the process of the wrist to be over soon. Remember I still have 4 nodes in my throat that will be removed. Everything having to do with music is in the waiting room.

How am I coping? "Animal Crossing ". I play one handed but it takes my mind off. If you're in the game and you'd like to see my island send your amiibo#.

That's the story for now.

Always,

Chris

🌹❤️🙃

[ayacxo]

I smoke cigarettes. But I am quitting for the month of September.

To everyone that didn’t know this sorry to disappoint, but I do. I started smoking at 18 years old and I am now 23. WTF. 5 YEARS! Yeah when I write it out now it feels so disgusting, and disappointing, as I just finished smoking a cigarette before writing this I’m not that traumatized. How do I quit? Why do I find comfort in smoking? Now in 2018 everyone is so health conscious how could I be smoking cigarettes? Well truthfully, I can blame no one but myself, however the service industry plays a HUGE role as to why I do it in the first place.

I have been in the hospitality/restaurant industry since I was 17 years old. I’ve always enjoyed it, (until now where I am finally in an office job that I love). But the conditions in the restaurant industry basically push you towards smoking. Now yes one could say, “Just smoke weed instead!” but its never that simple. 1.) Not legal in New York (YET) 2.) Very hard to remember the order of 8 people let alone 2 after a cyph to the face

Overall weed isn’t the best idea as a server/bartender. Not saying cigarettes are better just that they are more likely to be accepted in the workplace. According to a TIME Magazine Health article, “Miners, food service workers and construction workers are more likely to smoke than adults in other industries...” according to reports from the CDC. What do all these jobs have in common? STRESS. Imagine mining in the 2000′s, it doesn’t sound exciting or inciting but if you had a family to provide for hey, you gotta do what you gotta do. 

For me personally, the service industry was always stressful even on the funnest of days. Not because the work is super hard, (not discrediting employees of the service industry I believe the law should require all citizens to go through 4 Weeks of serving) but because you are taking on hundreds of peoples energy every day! I can’t even deal with my own stress properly, to come into my work place, and comfort you just to get the 20% tip is exhausting. At this point, being in an office environment also in the fashion industry I feel extremely out of place. To my knowledge I believe only 1 other person smokes cigarettes in my office. At my last place of employment there was always someone that could join me in a break or 4. 

What do I do next? Everyday I wake up and I say today I will smoke NO cigarettes. 5 years later still telling myself this. I know there are sooo many things to help one quit smoking, and the mind over matter thing should be top priority but I have been smoking for so long its become routine. Do I want to wake up and be done with it? HELL YEAH! Sign me up! For Christmas get me nicotine patches(maybe the gum cause the patches freak me out). But seriously, I think September I may challenge myself to NOT smoke for a month. I just am not sure if I am ready for the backlash from my body. Then again, its worth it in the long haul so I can get away with being deathly ill for a month. Fuck it, that is what I’m doing everyone. 

As this change will be extremely challenging, I will be making more frequent blog post each day (not this long) to let you know how I am dealing. Also follow my Instagram for updates. Also if you are a smoker follow my one rule please:

I DO NOT SHARE CIGARETTES WITH “WEEKEND SMOKERS”, “ONLY WHEN I HAVE A FEW BEER SMOKERS” OR “I JUST WANT TO SEE WHAT ITS LIKE” SMOKERS.

Thank you all for reading and hopefully checking back in for my journey to quitting.