#hopefully Style sucks all the energy out of his soul

[massy2ly]

Catch me nitpicking on details again:

How is it possible for the restaurant to be open at 7 when Fadel (who pretty much handles the whole business on his own, lol) has to jog in the morning, visit the market (to buy one kilo of meat and two baguettes for his big ass restaurant lol x2) then prep everything ??? The math is not mathing, unfortunately.

Oh, and the restaurant closes at 9pm ? Give him at least 1h30 to clean everything even with Bison’s whiny ass helping around (when he’s not busy giving Kant the fuck me eyes). Then he hits the gym at what? Then he needs to go home (that is if he doesn’t have a mission). THIS IS A RECIPE FOR BURNOUT. It’s not even realistic but we don’t care.

Oh and “open everyday” too ?? How, sir?

Oh, and did we mention Style constantly making him waste time?? That man’s presence is worth at least 1 hour of his day.

[tsukkisbean]

how they cheer your up | headcanons

genre: fluff

characters: iwaizumi hajime, miya osamu, terushima yūji, kunimi akira x gn!reader

warnings: none!

a/n: hello if you’re seeing this, that means my scheduled post worked, yay!! hopefully this shows up in the tags otherwise i’ll have to reupload it at a later time (sorry in advance if that’s the case hehe). i’m also trying my hand at writing for other characters so hopefully this does their characters justice??

anyways, i hope everyone is doing well and staying healthy and happy! if you requested something from me, sorry i haven’t gotten to it even though i said i would. i’ll try my best to complete them when i get the chance, thank you for being patient with me 💖 all boys after iwaizumi are under the cut!

iwaizumi hajime

best boy iwaizumi would without a doubt use exercise as a way to cheer you up

but don’t get me wrong, he’s not going to force you to run a marathon or anything like that

i imagine him taking you to one of those entertainment/game parks (not really sure what they’re called ahh) where you guys just hang out all day

when you get there, he’ll immediately take you to the batting cage so you can just channel out all your anger into your swings

once your blood is pumping from the adrenaline he’ll take you to the trampoline area where you guys just bounce around and do flips into the foam pit to burn off all your extra energy

you’ll just be chilling, jumping up and down on one of the trampolines, your back turned to iwaizumi when he straight up scoops you up and tosses you in

he’s cackling and dying of laughter and when he finally offers to help you out you grab his hand and pull him in

when he doesn’t resurface you get nervous, where could he be?

from the corner of your eye you see the foam rumbling slightly but you react too slowly and iwaizumi pops out and tackles you in the biggest hug, peppering kisses all over your face and people are staring as you scream your head off trying to pry him off of you

for dinner, you guys indulge in all the greasy food the park has to offer, and by the end you’re stuffed

to help with digestion you suggest a game of mini golf which iwaizumi gladly agrees to

for someone who played volleyball his aim is absolutely horrifying

he argues that the windmill is IMPOSSIBLE to get a good score on and no one can ever get a hole in one

luck must have been on your side because you get a hole in one right after (and so does the small child behind you guys, but you choose not to tell him that)

you end up destroying him (he lowkey hints that he let you win but we know that’s not the case)

when the park closes, instead of taking you straight home, he’ll take you to a nearby park and the two of you just stroll around enjoying the chill of the night and the stars in the sky

miya osamu

he pulls you onto the couch next to him and the two of you look through baking videos on youtube and osamu being osamu cannot decide because he wants to make them all

eventually you guys settle on a cake recipe by cooking tree (a/n: 10/10 would recommend watching them, their videos are super soothing and aesthetic esp if you enjoy cooking asmr!!)

so at 9pm you guys set off to the grocery store to buy the ingredients you guys are missing 

the trip takes much longer than expected because osamu keeps putting in more and more snacks that you guys definitely don’t need

so instead of shopping osamu is trying to grab as many snacks as you can while you trail behind, trying to put them away  because your pantry is already way too full

by the time you get home it’s close to 12 and you’re tired but osamu insists that you guys start now

for the most part all goes well, you guys manage to get the batter to look smooth in the cake pan (definitely some playful flour throwing here and there)

the real problem is assembling the cake. at this point you’re wondering why you guys decided on a 3-layered cake that required cutting

teases you for cutting the first layer slanted and so you pass over the cutting to him but his slicing work is just as bad and you just have to bring up the fact that he owns a restaurant but apparently his knife skills suck

you thought cutting the cake would be a problem?? now you guys have to fill the layers and it’s a complete disaster; there’s whipped cream just everywhere and at this point you guys are half filling the cake half throwing it at each other

cake ends up being iced unevenly but that’s the least of your problems

you guys pour the decorative icing on top and instead of running over the sides only slightly, it drips messily down the cake and onto the counter and now you guys have a blob of a cake

you guys spend the rest of the night cleaning up and pass out on the couch and in the morning you guys enjoy a sweet breakfast together <3

terushima yūji

terushima is a free soul and so he believes expressing yourself through art is one of the best ways to feel better

when he sees that you’re down, he’ll immediately whip out all of his salon products and pull you into the bathroom

he takes you by surprise saying that he wants you to whatever you want to his hair - today his hair is your canvas

at first you’re reluctant, but he insists - as a hair stylist it’s all about experimentation with styles and colours and plus he can easily fix whatever you do considering that it is his job after all

so you guys scroll through pinterest together, trying to find some fun hair ideas that you’d be able to pull off on your own (with some instruction from teru of course)

you finally decide on a style and so together start on getting all the hair dye ready

he explains to you the different types of develops and how important they are in the hair colouring process - there are different volumes and will essentially affect how much your hair colour changes

after all the colours are mixed and ready to go, you gingerly grab a piece of hair, constantly checking your phone to make sure you’re doing it exactly like the photo

meanwhile terushima has the softest smile on his face, watching you through the mirror - he thinks you look absolutely adorable with the way your brows are furrowed and your tongue sticks on slightly as you focus

as you run the colour brush along his hair, he’s constantly encouraging you, telling you what a good job you’re doing and how he’s so excited to the end product

while the dye sits in his hair, you sit in his lap

once it’s time to wash out the hair dye, you bring him to the sink and carefully run your hands through his hair, trying your best to give him the best head massage he’s ever had!!!

after toning and a hair treatment, your masterpiece if finally done!! ofc being the boyfriend he is, he takes a million photos and posts them on social media to show how talented his significant other is - like not only is it your first time dying someone’s hair but you managed to pull off RAINBOW hair!! (a/n: think sehun from exo as a reference hehe) he literally will not shut up about you to his clients tomorrow

kunimi akira

kunimi has a rep for being lazy and just overall a really nonchalant kind of person but he’s sharp, so when you’re feeling down he immediately picks up on it even if he doesn’t confront you about it

however i don’t think he’d be as aggressive as the other three and do something huge rather he tries to make you feel better only in smaller ways and it definitely adds up

like in the morning he’ll make you coffee or tea or whatever you want - orange juice, a bakery bun? he’ll make an excuse saying he wanted something from the convenience store anyways and head down. when he comes back  with three bags of food and drinks he’ll insist that he just grabbed whatever he saw because he was “too lazy to decide” n b d

throughout the day he’ll be a lot more affectionate than usual, hugging you whenever he gets the chance, maybe even a kiss on your forehead

when you tell him you want to go out on your own for a bit  he doesn’t argue - whatever you need to do but when your back is turned he’ll slip you a handwritten note telling you to enjoy your alone time and that he l-word you and it’s even signed off with a teensy teensy heart that you almost don’t notice

when you get back, you’re greeted with the smell of your delicious food mixed with a burning smell and on the kitchen table you see takeout from your favourite restaurants and in the garbage is a black burnt mess - kunimi insists he doesn’t know how it got there even though its quite obvious

you bring the food to the living room and to your surprise there’s a blanket fort set up with pillows spread out all across the floor

when you try to question him, he just shrugs saying that it’s not that hard to throw a blanket over a couple of chairs, even a baby could do it

today he lets you choose the movie even though it’s technically his turn and when you choose a  comedy he doesn’t complain about the obnoxiously loud and hot headed lead character

when the movie is over, he quickly cleans up all the trash, making sure you don’t have time to move from your spot

when he comes back, he flops on top of you, holding you close

then he plays the spotify playlist that he made for you; it’s a whole mix of songs - slow, upbeat, instrumentals - anything he thought might help you feel even the tiniest bit better

and so you guys just lay there not speaking, enjoying each other’s presence until you fall asleep

[fullmoonremus]

Everdream | Edmund Pevensie x Reader

Warnings: Fluff, making out, alluding to smut

Time/Era: The Golden Age

Word Count: 1.7k

Summary: Y/N and Edmund go on a late-night horse ride to stargaze.

A/N: This is inspired by the song “Everdream” by Epic Soul Factory. (You can listen to it here.)  I really love this song (you should listen to it! It’s an amazing piece!) and I really wanted to write something that hopefully followed the vibe. Please send feedback and maybe a request while you’re at it!

masterlist | read on ao3

Cair Paravel was beautiful at twilight. Bright oranges and reds blended with the cool blue of the night to stain the sky with magnificent colors. The warm and cool tones weaved together to make a deep green barrier between the passing day and incoming night. It was absolutely stunning in Y/N’s eyes, which is why she always made it a point to be outside at this time. She loved to admire how the final rays of the sun reflected off of the white stone walls and how the warm evening air grew crisp. Everything and everyone around her starts to grow calm and time seems to pass differently. 

Her favorite place to soak in the atmosphere was a stone wall just right of a large garden. Here, she could look out at the water and watch the sun disappear behind the towering trees. Here, she can watch the colors dance upon the sails of massive ships like projectors and feel the brisk air flow around her. Sure the stone was bumpy, jagged, and sharp in some places and she had ripped many of her gowns because of it, but this was her spot. And her spot was where she liked to be. 

Sometimes, one of the royal family would join her in her silence. Lucy would come when she was feeling happy; she loved Y/N’s company and liked to admire the sky. Occasionally, she would break the silence to point out a star that was just starting to appear, or a rabbit that was rushing by. Overall, she was a bottle of warm and inviting energy. She was always welcome with Y/N on her wall. Susan would come whenever she wanted to talk. She knew Y/N would listen. Her brothers and younger sister tended to interrupt her before she could fully explain herself, so Y/N’s continued silence was like a breath of fresh air. Peter would come whenever he had a stressful day, or whenever he knew a tough time was to come. He would just sit next to Y/N on the wall as if he was meditating. If he wanted to talk, he could but if he didn’t, he wasn’t pushed to. Y/N was nice company and the silence was always comforting right before bed. Edmund would come whenever he wanted to, which was more often than his siblings. He and Y/N had been an item for almost three years, so it sort of counted as a date. The two knew that they didn’t need anything flashy; just being together was more than enough. He always waited a little while, though, to make sure his siblings weren’t planning on joining his girl on the wall. Edmund knew that if they were there, they needed her and who was he to come in between that? Sometimes, Y/N would be alone with her thoughts. 

Edmund sat silently next to her, looking out over the water. He had rid himself of his armor and crown, so his loose clothes and messy hair swayed in the breeze. His feet dangled freely, while her’s were crossed at the ankles. 

“There’s going to be a full moon tonight,” Y/N’s voice was soft as she glanced over at Edmund. The shadows on his face shifted as he met her gaze. Y/N observed it. It seemed to contour his jaw, making his features look sharp and as if he was sculpted from marble. Ed always looked great at twilight, Y/N thought. 

“Yeah?” He leaned back ever so slightly, his weight being supported by either hand gripping the wall. “That means it’ll be bright enough to see without a torch.” 

“I was thinking maybe we could go for a ride,” Y/N turned her attention to a large Naval ship floating directly in the middle of the bay. “Unless you need to rest for tomorrow. Big meeting right? We can just go to bed instead.”

“The meeting isn’t really important, and besides, Pete does most of the work anyway.” 

Ed had grown extremely nonchalant about meetings since the four had landed in Narnia. When he was younger, he used to stress about it for days beforehand. I guess when you sit through so many meetings about the same thing, the anxiety turns into familiarity. 

“Whatever you say, oh magnificent one.” Y/N pushes herself off of the wall flattens her skirt out. “Oh wait, my bad, that’s Peter.”

Edmund frowns, “I can be magnificent too, love.” He follows her off of the wall and takes her hand in his. 

~

The forest was quiet at this time of night so the sound of hooves on the dry dirt was easy to hear. Y/N trailed Edmund, staring at his back. The thin material of his renaissance Romeo style shirt allowed his shoulder blades and back muscles to be on full display. They moved every time he pulled on the rein. At one point during the ride, he turned around and caught Y/N admiring him. His smile became cocky once he saw the look in her eye. 

“I can practically feel your eyes burning a hole in my back, Y/N.” He laughs, twisting his body back to face the front. 

“Well, where else am I supposed to look? I don’t know where we’re going!!” Y/N’s voice came out as more of a whine than a defense, making Edmund laugh. 

“Well, lucky for you, we’re almost there.” 

Edmund leads Y/N into a small clearing and swings his leg over his horse. The circle was made up of around ten trees and a plush carpet of grass. It wasn’t much, but it had the most gorgeous view of millions of stars above. The stars were twinkling and a few planets were visible. Y/N stared upwards, trying to absorb all of the beauty. 

“Tada, I found this last week when I was riding and I thought of you.” Edmund planted himself on the ground, leaning against a tree. “I thought we could stargaze and talk. We haven’t been able to talk a lot lately.”

Y/N slid into his open arms and laid a hand on his chest. “I know, it’s not your fault your busy. It’s no one’s fault. You’re king.” She feels him sigh underneath her. 

“I know, I know, it still makes me feel guilty though. I feel as though I haven’t been able to put as much time into our relationship as I should.” He takes a strand of Y/N’s hair between his fingers and tucks it behind her ear. His hand gently runs along her cheek before sliding down her arm.

“I’m happy if you’re happy, Ed.” Y/N places a quick peck on his cheek and looks back up at the sky. 

The sky looked as though someone dumped glitter on a black piece of construction paper. Intricate designs and swirls littered the atmosphere as if it was a painting. It was complicated and organized, yet messy and chaotic. Edmund’s fingertips lightly brush up and down Y/N’s arms making her skin erupt with goosebumps. Y/N squirms under his touch.

“What’s wrong?” Edmund asks, moving his hand down to squeeze Y/N’s hip and pull her onto his lap. In the process, Y/N’s long skirt moves up her leg.

“Nothings wrong, darling.” Y/N mumbles staring at a tree to her right. She knew what her love was about to do, just not how he was going to do it. Edmund kisses her jaw and down to her neck. His cold nose brushes against her pulse point making her instinctively shut her eyes. He takes her waist in both hands and positions her body so she’s straddling his long legs. She could feel the rough fabric of his trousers and fought the urge to move against it. Her dress bunches around her waist, draping against his hips.

“Ed, what are you doing?” Her voice was shaking as he continued to kiss and suck at her neck. Edmund’s hands find her waist once more and he begins massaging them over the thin material of her summer dress. His teeth scrape ever so slightly over the soft skin of her neck and she gasps. 

Edmund moves off of her skin and brings his mouth to her ear. He’s so close that she can feel his hot breath fan over her ear. “I’m putting time into our relationship that I’ve been missing lately.” Edmund’s voice is husky and low, coming out as a deep growl. 

Y/N’s head dips down and she presses her lips to his. They taste vaguely of devils food cake, the dessert they had for dinner. It was intoxicating; her head began to get light and she felt like she was getting high off of Edmund. Her hands find their way to his face, one brushing past his cheek to grip the back of his hair. She admired the way it feels in her hand. Edmund’s hair was always so soft, Y/N didn’t know how he did it. His dark locks flow in between her fingers like water, twisting and turning in every which way and falling in loose curls. She grips a handful of hair near the nape of his neck and pulled. Hard. 

The sound Edmund let out was sinful; it came from somewhere deep in his throat and Y/N had only heard it a few times before. She loved that sound almost as much as she loved Edmund. He began to kiss her more harshly now, his hands starting to move her hips back and forth against him. Y/N let out a whimper and pulled away from the kiss. 

“You have a meeting tomorrow, my king.” Y/N said, breathless with swollen lips. His eyes darkened and his jaw clenched. 

“Fuck meetings.”

~ 

The two love birds eventually made it back to the castle, nodding at a guard and dropping their horses off at the stables. They brought the duvet up to their chins and settled down for the night. 

“Maybe I’ll skip tomorrow and lay in bed with you all day. We can talk about what’s happening in that pretty little head of yours. You can tell me about what you thought of when looking at the water.”

“I don’t know, Susan might scold me if I miss again. I’m not sure how she got the title of gentle.”

Edmund groaned. “I’ll talk to her, please? I miss you.” “Whatever you say, lover boy. But don’t think I won’t throw you under the bus.” 

“Deal, my siblings don’t scare me.”

“I feel like they should, they’re quite good in battle.”

Edmund put a hand over his heart. “Excuse me? Who’s the one who fights with two swords?”

“Sorry, I can’t hear you, I’m sleeping.”

[pvremichigan]

To Fix My Mistakes. [Arc Drabble 3]

“I got all of them. I hope this is enough.”

“It should suffice. Have you met the preparation requirements?”

“I think so. I’m pretty sure I did everything I need. The souls are well preserved too.”

As much as she wanted to waste time... She also knows that she couldn’t. This was it. This was the final stop.

Stepping into Carter’s library in the basement, she looked around to distract herself. Sure she’s seen all of this before dozens of times, she just didn’t want to have to think about the fate before her. Looking to the right against the wall, she closely paid attention to the large hydrochamber her body was kept in the first time she went to hell. Knowing the consequences last time, they can’t do it again this time. She let her long standing friend set up everything he needed, including the books, the sigils, and the technology to prolong the opening of the portal once he’s able to get it started. The man was fairly taller than her, his slicked back dark hair never once deterring from it’s usual style. He always wore a suit... It was practically a trait of his now. They had been friends for a long time, around the early 1900′s. Even after everything, Carter still helps Mich out. He’s a good friend... She’s truly honored to have met and helped him.

The woman placed the jars of souls on the table along with the blade which held the final soul. It didn’t take long for everything to be set up, yet the more progress they made, the more Mich seemed to choke on her own beating heart at the knowledge of what she knows she’s going to go through.

“Should I call him forth?”

“... Just... Give me a minute. I wanna do one last thing.”

“Surely.”

Mich gave a hesitant nod in appreciation, making her way up the stairs and out on the porch. There, she took in the sights of the dark. Midnight... Past midnight, she believed. The moon shined blindingly on the land around her, illuminating the area in a melancholic blue. With a shaky sigh, she took out a pack of cigarettes to smoke her last one. For a while. As she lit the stick, memories flashed in and out of her head, almost fading out like a dying battery until they were truly gone from her mind. All in those moments. The woman sat down, slouching forward as she took her time to ‘enjoy’ (the best she could) her last cigarette for a long time. Seconds passed, the stars above twinkled far more pleasingly than the lit end of her cigarette. Though the tones of red and orange within the heap of gray ash did give Mich a rush of nostalgia. It was nice... Relaxing. Sitting out on a night like this, keeping calm as the dark clouds above still manage to sweep by faster than the morning clouds. The little things in life... She can recall enjoying. Things like that, so barely noticeable but yet they seem to catch your eye. Your brain stores that meaningless little memory for the rest of your life. Hopefully... She can remember this night. The last night on earth she remains soulless.

She’s ready to restart.

After about 30 minutes, the woman made her way back down the stairs, seeming a bit more... Composed than before.

“Let’s start quickly. I wanna get this over and done with.”

With a nod, Carter keeps the target in mind as he requests a visitation from him. Within moments, a very loud gust from the sound of a wing flap fills their ears before a man stood before them. He’s dressed in more of a tan suit, gold accents here and there. Gold was his eyes and even his hair. The thing that truly stood out was his black top hat. Seems like he never changed that feature about himself. Mich couldn’t recall if he’s always had a cane... But it was a fitting addition.

“Someone call?”

The golden man glanced to Mich, giving a grin of familiarity.

“So you’re ready for this?”

“Long time no see...”

“How are ya, Mich?”

“I’ve been better.”

“I recall.”

“You’ve changed a bit. Snap, was it?”

“It was. But I go by something else. Heaven gave me a new name. You can call me whatever you want.”

“What is it?”

“Xephrel.”

The woman gave a nod. If she had changed... Then he deserves to be treated with the same recognition.

“Xephrel it is.”

“I hate to intrude, but we should truly get a move on.”

Mich glances over at Carter with a nod, glancing up at Xephrel once more before going over to stand by Carter. Xephrel just gives a neutral grin, leaning against his cane as the other two did what they needed to.

“Hey, you think this bunch will last you?”

“If I don’t need to use a lot of energy, it should be fine. I can use them sparsely. Don’t worry about me, worry about your own safety. I’ll be here to back you up the best I can.”

She gave a firm nod before looking to Carter and speaking between her and him.

“Hey... What did you have to give to have him help us like this?”

“Consider this me returning the favor for him helping me come to existence and you guys not trying to kill me.”

She had... Asked Carter but she supposed she got her answer. Was she skeptical? Yes... But there was no room for that right now. No reason to be either. He was helping, that’s all she needed to worry about.

Hours passed until Carter had finally gotten a tear in the realm that he needed. Keeping the portal’s focus on that tear, he began to have the machine connected to the portal slowly pry it open. The dark swirling matter of the portal grew inch by inch... Mich watched, skin growing more cold. No backing out. It’s literally impossible to back out now. Xephrel looked down to her, tapping his cane on the ground and shattering the black casing to reveal the angel blade inside. In one motion, he had swiped at himself and Mich, causing a gash in both of them. Mich yelped out, beginning to panic. Xephrel put a hand on her shoulder to reassure her.

“Relax doll, this is just to swap souls for now.”

The blade seemed to draw out Xephrel’s soul, the aura around it glowing a golden hue. It’s as if the sword was guiding the essence towards Mich. She watched nervously as the golden hue seeped into her body. The amount of power and chaos it began to create was agonizing. The woman tensed up, unable to even shout out in pain.

“Give it a moment, just breathe. It’ll stop hurting once it conforms to your being. You need to keep it until you find and get your soul. Be qui-”

The portal was opening further and further, the loud whirring and rushing of the dimensional pull was drowning his words out, causing him to need to speak louder.

“Be quick about this, you need to find your soul as soon as you can. Take too long and my soul will begin to destroy you from the inside out. You need to extract my soul QUICKLY before you touch yours, otherwise your soul will be destroyed and possibly consumed. Just toss mine to the side, I’ll pick it up later.”

He gave a wink to try to lighten the mood. The wind and the pull of the portal was beginning to suck things in. She looked back in a panic, not wanting to go through this again.

“THE HARDEST PART IS GOING TO BE LEAVING. DO YOUR BEST, DON’T GIVE UP. I’LL DO WHAT I CAN TO HELP OUT IF I’M ABLE TO. HEY.”

The hybrid man turned Mich’s head towards him, giving her a confident grin.

“YOU GOT THIS. NOW GET IN THERE.”

His words reached her, but Mich was still unsure about all of this. Her expression of doubt and fear said it all, but there was no more waiting. There was absolutely no way of assuring she’d even be successful in her endeavors or even get out in the end. All these worries and thoughts swarmed her head, but everything was interrupted as she felt a harsh but gentle shove, pushing her into the portal.

The whirring stopped. The loud winds stopped... Around her... It was gray. A town... Nearly a ghost town. Fog seemed to cover the streets. She knows this place... This is... This is Detroit, right..? Mich took some time adjusting, her vision going in and out due to the adjustment. She was scared. Mortified. Her breathing was heavy, it felt like eyes surrounded her, staring her down to stone. There was a hellish whirring in her ears and head now, far different from the whirs caused by the opening rift. The hums became so loud it began to hurt. Ringing, whirring, the sound of her lethally fast heartbeat. It was all too much, crashing down on her all at once. She painfully covered her ears and held her own held, agony setting in and only worsening by the second. She screamed out in pain, blood beginning to drip from her tongue and nose. Moments before she thought she was about to pass out, being overwhelmed by this unbearable pain, it all came to a sudden halt.

The woman waited a moment in confusion and disorientation before she did her best to gather herself the best she could and stood up, taking in her surroundings. Yeah... This was Detroit... But something about this was uncanny. In the very far distance, her suspicions were confirmed. Loud, wretched shrieking from something certainly inhuman echoed the streets and buildings. She recognized those sounds all too well. She recognized the silence all too well.

This... was Hell.

[motleyfuckingcruee]

Rocket Queen

2.0: New Years Love

Henley's P.O.V

Duff and I managed to calm Stevie down enough to get him so sleep. He lays in his bed with Bella curled up next to him. I lay next to him as well, mostly because he begged me to. Also because I wanted to comfort him as much as I could. Duff left to get us some Chinese food since it looks like we aren't going out tonight. I turn towards Stevie, lightly stroking his hair. This seems to calm him even more, which makes me smile.

Most would think I have a crush on Steven. I don't. I think of him as a silly older brother that only wants to protect me. And I believe he sees me as a sassy younger sister that only wants to protect him as well. I love Steven with my whole heart, just not in the way I love Duff.

A knock at the door startles me out of my thoughts. I look at Steven, hoping that the loud knocks didn't wake him. I let out the breath I was holding in.

I get out of the bed as carefully as I could. Bella stirs, but falls right back to sleep. I grin at the sight. Somehow Bella moved onto Stevie's chest, curled up in a little ball.

I walk out of Steven's room and to the front door. I open it to reveal Madeline, Hyde, Jake, and Evangeline. They try to walk into the apartment, but I push them back out.

"What the hell are you doing here?" I demand, just wanting them to leave.

"I wanted to apologize to Steven," Madeline explains, trying to push past me into the apartment.

"Oh, hell no," I say, pushing her back. "You are not going to upset him again. You need to get the hell out of here."

"What's with the hostility? I just want to say I'm sorry," Madeline says, crossing her arms.

I scoff. "I just now got him to go to sleep."

"What? Did you move on from Duff to Steven?" Madeline accuses, shoving her finger into my chest.

"No! Steven is my best friend!" I say, feeling myself get more and more upset. "Why did you get mad at him anyway?"

She shrugs. "I wanted to get with Hyde instead."

"Why would you hurt Stevie like that? He was in love with you."

"I don't deserve him," Madeline says quietly.

This catches me off guard. All of the insults I could think of died on my tongue. "W-What?"

"Nothing." She turns to the other three. "Let's go. I have no reason to be here."

Then they all walked off into the night, leaving me stunned. What the hell was that about? Then a saying comes to my mind. It's what my favorite teacher told me once.

We accept the love we think we deserve.

Madeline thinks that she doesn't deserve someone as great as Steven. And at the moment I agree with her. That's probably my anger talking, but I can't help it. She treated the sweetest guy I know like dirt! I'll probably regret those words soon, but for now, I stand by them.

I stand out on the porch for a little while longer. I don't want to go in just yet. I grin as I see the pick up truck Steven and Duff share pull into the small driveway. Duff gets out after a few minutes, his hands full of delicious Chinese food. He walks up the steps, his focus on the ground for some reason. He looks up and jumps fifteen feet in the year.

"Goddamn," Duff breathes, laughing a bit. "You scared me. I didn't expect to see you out here."

"I'm sorry babe," I giggle. I walk over to him and take a bag of food from his hands. I peck him on the lips. He has a dreamy smile on his face, that I think is so adorable. "You're something else."

"What do you mean?" He asks, clearly confused.

I just giggle and shake my head.

We went back inside the apartment and ate Chinese food while watching MTV. I got so excited when Looks That Kill came on. I literally stood up and said, "I know those guys!" Duff just laughed at me and made me sit back down. When we got bored of that, we turned on some stupid movie. Duff turned off the lights and pulled a blanket around us. I was focused on the movie. Duff, however, and different plans.

His hand started at my knee, which was innocent enough. I didn't think much of it. Then he slowly started moving upward. It now rests on my upper thigh. He rubs circles with his thumb on my inner thigh which is dangerously close to my heat.

"Duff," I groan. "Stop."

"Stop what?" He asks with a cheeky smirk on his face.

"You know exactly what you're doing!"

"No I don't," He says, moving his hand up even more. "What am I doing, babe?"

"Stop teasing me!"

"I'm not teasing you," Duff chuckles.

*SMUT WARNING*

Before I can really register what I'm doing, I crawl into Duff's lap. I place my legs on either side of his thighs. I lean down and connect our lips. His tongue swipes my bottom lip, asking for entrance. I open my mouth more and his tongue slips into my mouth. I grind my hips down onto his, causing a groan to emit from him.

I break our kiss, kissing down his neck. I stop every once in a while to suck and, hopefully, leave a hickey or two. I palm him over his pants.

"Mm, fuck," Duff moans.

I use my other hand to tug at the hem of his shirt. He takes it off, causing us to break apart for a second. He picks me up, unexpectedly, bridal style. Duff takes me up to his room. He pretty much throws me onto the bed. I giggle as I watch him take off the skin tight leather pants.

Duff crawls on top of me, pulling his shirt that I had borrowed off oh my body. When he successfully throws the shirt across the room, he pulls my pants off with ease. He kisses me roughly. His hands reach behind my back to unhook my bra. My arms are wrapped around his neck tightly. I arch my back as much as I can to help him get it off. Duff gets it off after a few tries. He pulls away from me, his eyes raking over my body.

"You're so gorgeous," He says.

He starts to kiss down my body, and his hands massage my breasts. I try to keep my moans quiet as I remember that Steven is sleeping across the hall. Duff stops multiple times on my collarbones to leave hickeys that I'm sure are going to be bright purple tomorrow morning. His trail of kisses end as he gets to the waistband of my panties. That's when panic settles into my heart.

"W-Wait," I stutter.

"What's wrong?" Duff asks, immediately stopping.

"I-uh. . .," I trail off. "I'm still a virgin."

"Oh shit," Duff says, smiling a little bit. "I'm sorry, babe. I totally forgot. We don't have to do anything if you don't want to. I'm not going to force you into anything."

I smile at his concern. "I-I do want to. I'm just scared."

Duff moves up so that we're face to face. "I promise you, I won't hurt you. I'll be as gentle as I can. I'll make this a night you'll always remember."

I lean up and peck his lips. "Okay."

He grins, hooking his thumbs through the thin waistband of my lacy underwear. He pulls it off with ease, his eyes never leaving mine. He looks down to take off his boxers, trying his best not to kick me in the process. His erection springs free, causing me to blush. Duff reaches into his nightstand, and pulls out a condom. He rips it open with his teeth, then rolls it onto his length.

"Are you ready?" Duff asks.

I nod, gripping onto Duff's shoulders.

I wince as I wait for some kind of pain. I feel Duff start to slowly push in. He goes in inch by inch, making sure not to hurt me. I know it's taking everything in him not to pound into me. I whimper at the searing pain through my thighs as Duff pushes all the way into me.

"Are you okay?" Duff asks, worry flooding his voice.

"Yeah," I respond, adjusting to the foreign feeling. "Keep going."

Duff pulls out again, then thrusts back in. This time he's a bit faster. The pain soon fades as Duff continues to thrust into me. Eventually, Duff has me a moaning mess underneath him.

"Fuck," I breathe out.

Duff buries his head into the crook of my neck as he thrusts harder and faster.

"Duff, faster," I moan, feeling myself blush at my words.

"Anything for you, baby."

Duff does exactly as I say, his breathing becoming even more labored and I can see the sweat on his body. If possible, this turns me on even more. I feel Duff twitch inside of me, and at the same time, we both cum.

*SMUT OVER*

Duff collapses onto my chest, not pulling out. He lays there for a few more moments, trying to gather some energy.

Duff then pulls out, taking the condom off and throwing it into the trash beside the bed. He falls onto his back beside me. He smiles at me as he turns his head. His beautiful eyes look deeply into mine. Duff looks at the clock on the nightstand, and then starts laughing.

"What?" I turn to see that the time is 12:01 AM.

"I guess you could say I fucked you into next year."

"Shut up."

Taglist:

All fics: @the--blackdahlia @sugar-content @sharon6713 @siliwanoel @charlyallise @lo-bells @lauravic @livingdeadharley @kawennote09 @ozzypawsbone-princeofbarkness @hllywdwhre @abbysdogcollar @nikkisixxwiththebass @waywardprincess666 @tommyleeownsme  

@rock-n-roll-soul-frankie @unholy-brat @eak1996 @madsthegroupie @sinningsixx @Kissyourrosegoodbyemotley

Duff: @daisystuffsstuff

[baconpal]

talkin bout fire force

shit boys it’s been too long time for another unprompted juvenile rant about manga, click keep reading if you’re insane and keep scrolling if you aren’t 

So Fire Force anime starts in just about a week and I decided to just read it all instead of waiting for any anime. It took a while to read all of it and now I just kind of have a lot to say about the manga, the anime, and the author. So here we go. 

I actually have a lot of good things to talk about, but I’ll get the bad shit out of the way first:

THE WRITING

idk his name it doesn’t really matter since he’s made like 2 things he’s just the soul eater guy; his art style has always been charming and the action scenes keep improving but his actual narrative writing is real bad. I’ll talk about the characters themselves since I actually think FF’s characters are a ridiculous improvement from soul eater, and the setting/aesthetic are on point as well but the plot is just as bad if not worse than whatever soul eater was.

The story is riddled with what should obviously be throwaway characters that keep being brought back and doing something evil and unexpected because it’s a shounen manga and if you aren’t being betrayed then the plot isn’t moving forward, or someone introduced as an obviously villainous character just kind of agrees to be friends in a couple chapters. This is used as a constant cycle of introducing both a set of “evil” and “good” characters, then one of the old “good” sets of characters does something evil and the newest “evil” guys turn out to be good. It’s not interesting or shocking to have a character you can’t even remember come back and act like they’re important, especially if it’s repeated over and over.

FF pretends to have some kind of politic overtones where religions and businesses and such act as their own entities and betray each other and prey on the civilians, but you see absolutely none of the impact anybody’s actions have on the world despite ridiculous things constantly happening and world shaking truths being brought to light over and over, nothing happens. Villains will also  have ridiculous unbeatable abilities but then just be ignored, such as making zombie apocalypses or controlling minds and such. This is also likely a concession of being a shounen manga, where you can’t expect readers to read every single chapter, and usually on a week to week basis, so every chapter needs to have its own big shit happening, even if there’s no plans to follow through on anything. 

The worst part about the writing is how much stuff that the reader didn’t know about and has no idea what it is is passed of as some shocking twist when it’s introduced. This mostly happens with powers and with new factions. There’s a ridiculous amount of times where a new group steps in as the bad guy like mentioned earlier. But for the powers, there’s so many things layered on top of an actually acceptable power system that just seem to cause a DBZ type of escalation of power without the fight scenes actually becoming that much crazier at all. On top of the simple 2nd/3rd generation fire fighter powers, the main character is meant to utilize the adolla burst, the adolla link, the preacher’s divine protection, the okay hand emoji that makes you go fast, the breath of life, and superfire fighting. None of that means anything to anyone and are just used as “MC needs to be better at something but only temporarily” over and over. It’s similar to Maka and Soul’s deals with the devil in soul eater except much more common and with absolutely no downsides.

Also not the fault of the writer himself but there is not ANY good translation of this manga out there holy shit. There’s so many incredibly obvious puns and connections and choices of words to be made that are just entirely ignored, the typesetting is always awful, and no name for moves, characters, or even the title are ever agreed upon. It took until the official release titled “Fire Force” before people stopped trying to call the manga “Burning Firefighter Squad of Fire”.

THE ANIME

Just a bit more bad to say before I go into all the shit about this manga i actually like. The anime looks awful. A lot of anime does right now, very little of note has been coming out or seems to be coming in the future, which is usually the case but its not getting better and that sucks! 

But specifically the fire force anime, following up after soul eater, has absolutely none of the visual charm translated from the manga to anime, the voice casting is absolutely abysmal, and there’s nothing to give me hope in it, not enough to even give it an episode most likely. People might try to defend David productions because woah man I love jojo!!! but they’re pretty fucking bad at animating anything. The choice of color is gross and the visual effects are bland, which is a bad place to start for a show that will contain tons of fire and other bombastic effects. Big shame.

OKAY ONTO THAT GOOD SHIT

CHARACTER DESIGN

The visual designs in soul eater were cool if a bit janky, and the actual concepts for characters were far from astounding, usually being able to fully describe characters in single words and not having much development outside of combat abilities. But Fire Force has some of the most tight characters I’ve seen in a while, they’re all simple and focused with strong thematic elements.

Ya’ll know me, hopefully. I really appreciate simple designs and simple characters. Complicated does not equal deep, and simple does not equal shallow. The characters in fire force will usually embody a concept, or a concept and its exact opposite, and be never waver from their design. I’ll talk about em for specific characters when I get to em but even lots of minor characters are very well focused and I appreciate it.

SHINRA

The main character, and while his grocery list of special abilities and “chosen one” kinda shit is annoying, he starts of as a very strong introspective of the weight of your actions vs the impression you give of in the eyes of society. The easiest way to describe it is through the very obvious identity struggle he goes through of wanting to be known as a “Hero” but instead being “The Devil”. All Shinra ever does is selflessly save peoples lives and put himself at extreme risk, he tells everyone and their grandma that they can call on him when they need a hero, and yet his visuals consist of a dark haired punk who constantly smiles a sharp toothy smile, his ability that he uses to fly in and do kamen rider kicks with spews fire from his feet in the shape of pointy wings, and this fire puts a heavy shadow over his face, giving him a monsterous siloutte. It’s not at all subtle that he just looks as evil and menacing as possible, and so his reputation is constantly negative no matter how kind he is. It’s not explored all that deeply but it is still a strong contrast.

ARTHUR

What a fucking idiot. What an absolute buffoon. This stupid fuck functions as a very simple gag character by being nearly too dumb to function and living in a made up reality as a fantasy knight, but is also able to exist as one of the strongest characters in combat. His ridiculous power is handled in a much more engaging way than Shinra’s. As instead of layering multiple chosen one abilities on him, he becomes weaker or stronger depending on his suspension of disbelief. The more in character as a powerful knight he becomes, the stronger he is. It’s a clean way to make a funny delusional characters struggle actually mean something to the people around them, instead of being left to his own devices or constantly told to fuck off. And while I said the plot isn’t very good, the smaller character beats can be very powerful. For example, It was already pretty easy to just accept Arthur as he was, but his family situation is explored late into the manga, and it’s shown that he began to live in fantasy to escape from his families arguments and poor living conditions. His parents take advantage of his disconnect and abandon their home with him in it, leaving all their responsibilities to him with a note saying he’s now the king and has inherited their castle. This pushes him to an even more absurd degree of fantasy in order to just live out his life knowing he was unloved and unwanted. It very understated how you can make a character that’s mostly used for jokes still be very easy to connect to and empathize. 

TAMAKI 

This one is likely to be the hottest take made from me here today, but this is the most interesting character in this series for a variety of reasons. 

Visuals out of the way, the fire fighter outfits everyone wears already look cool as shit and big puffy coats just get me goin, this girl absolutely rocks it on top of having twintails and a cute face. That’s not objective in anyway this is just a character designed to bait specifically me and its fucking working, okay? The writing is the actually interesting part.

So something that’s usually not even worth talking about is fan service. Show of a girls titties cus its what dudes in their teens want to see, its free (You)s for shounen manga, and soul eater was full of it. It was pretty bad in soul eater and could come at jarring and unneeded times for characters that didn’t seem to exist for any sexual reasons. It was a very poor way to include fan service. 

Fire Force also begins in a similar spot, the 3 main girls that are around in the beginning chapters are occasionally seen changing or in a bath or covered in water or whatever, with one particularly bad spread of them with the classic no nipple no vagina bodies all standing together in a shower. Its awkward and stiff and even as a fan of anime tiddie it just wasn’t worth having. 

But then that wildman just does it. He creates one single character to put literally every single ounce of horny energy in to. A character who exists to fall over and get her tits pushed into someones face, but pushed to a cartoonish extreme. It sounds silly to try to pass off fanservice as funny, but it is. It’s so ridiculously intended and impossible and always varied that its actually fun to see her do something stupid and for something to happen. Sometimes its just her ass landing on a dudes face (god i wish that were me) or her body being exposed and drawn in pretty high detail. Sometimes instead they get an entire dude stuck in her shirt after just tripping in a way that is not not being sexual to the reader at all since you see absolutely no skin. She’s simply destined to be put into lewd situations in universe, not in regards to the manga itself. For an example, here she is just standing completely still, and suddenly becoming naked, drawn in a distant, goofy way: 

It’s stupid. It’s definitely still fan service, but it’s just ridiculous. And that’s way more interesting than having every girl in your series randomly get naked at some point. Despite being insane it still works on boys, as Tamaki is the most popular girl in the series by far, ranked as the second most popular character consistently. 

Tamaki also leads to the single best chapter of the manga where a horribly designed throw-away assassin who was beaten by her returns for revenge, but just ends up as a short, self contained, well paced comedic story of love. 

And guess what, she’s still interesting outside of being funny and having fan service. Her cartoonish luck is essentially treated as her actual power, and her fire cat abilities aren’t explored too deeply during most of the series, but this is done for a greater purpose of essentially spitting in the face of high stakes. Tamaki easily witnesses the most deaths in the series, and most of them are cruel and unusual. She witnesses children being killed by a man who inspired her, she sees people she just met be beheaded in some gruesome shots that aren’t anywhere else in the series, and she gets involved in all sorts of life threatening situations. She still just falls over and gets naked. She’ll have fairly serious fights where she tries her hardest or the people around her are completely serious, and without bringing any direct attention to it she still ends up showing skin. There’s a point where every single character is at risk of dying at once to a trap set by the enemy, and Tamaki quietly laments over how she’ll be the only one to survive. She is completely aware of her ridiculous luck and her complete immunity to stakes, which is honestly just great.

Even beyond that, Tamaki is slowly being built up as more and more of an actual character, she has a short backstory section where her own hard work and effort is basically ignored by everyone around her, as if her success in life is only a result of her good luck, which is a feeling that hits very close to home to me (fuck you if you’ve ever discredited someones hard work because they’re “””””talented””””). And in the most recent couple of chapters, shes made an active effort to train alongside Shinra and Arthur, who both value the improvements they can make to themselves through hard work. No other characters in the cast make conscious efforts to improve from their status in the way Tamaki does. She moves up from a joke character to now trying to stand along side the main character as a useful and though out character. It’s a genuinely wonderful character to have been developed and the best thing I’ve gotten from this author.

VISUALS AND COMPOSITION

Okay enough about the characters, the last little thing I wanna touch on is just some of the absolutely bonkers kinds of compositions in this manga. One of the villains has an ability that is explained incredibly poorly. Pretty sure it’s just a time slowing ability that has nothing to do with fire but whatever. The pages where he uses the ability have this absolutely sick warped look to them that plays with the panels in a way that couldn’t be depicted in any other medium. Just look at this shit.

Every panel has a different background and yet still describes a single cut in time. It might not really mean anything, but that’s fucking sick dude.

Another pretty interesting one is this one kid named Nataku, who has an ability forced onto him by a maniac with a motif of stars for eyes, who dies immediately after. This event is shown to have absolutely traumatized him not because its directly said, but because this dead character appears constantly in panels with this kid, sometimes taking up the entire background to yell at him, or being an almost impossible to see spec lingering behind him. Nataku is also drawn in this strange sketchy style where he seems to be melting, and sometimes melds into shapes that resemble this dead character, such Nataku’s mouth becoming the fucking eyeball of the dead guy, star pupil and everything. It’s just such a specific and horrific way to depict that kind of identity trauma and it really stuck out to me.

I’LL SHUT UP NOW

And ye that’s about it. It was a lot of rambling and there are still lots of little things i like about the manga, good designs and cool fights and stuff but i just wanted to talk about the things that were really noteworthy to me. 

It’s been a long time since I’ve spent 4 hours just typing about stuff but if you actually read any of this, on this dead website of all places, you’re cool. Hope you found something interesting too.

[123goth]

Night Out

Her throat was dry. She could hear the tap dripping intermittently into the aluminum sink behind her. The way the quiet pitter-patter was unrhythmic and unpredictable sent a shiver down her spine. She buried her face into the couch. Dad said he was going to fix the pipes last weekend, but something came up. Maybe mom is sick, she thought. It didn’t matter anyway. Dad’s mind worked more like a river than a pond. Nothing stayed in view for long. Instead, everything moved along with the current. In one ear, leaking out the other.

Seconds seem to drip out of Katherine’s hands. She was waiting. Darcy was supposed to arrive soon, but that wasn’t her style. There was no reason for it either, but it always kept Katerine on her feet.

They had plans that night. A movie and dinner at a rooftop bar catering mostly to middle-aged couples desperately seeking respite from kids they loved but couldn’t always like. Katherine had wanted to go for a while. Vintage lights hung from thick cords around the deck. All the chairs were mismatched, some of the wickers, like they were stolen from an elderly woman’s backyard, others ornate dining chairs with delicate designs carved into the wood and purple velvet seats accented with tortoiseshell buttons.

It sat in the middle of the town square, overlooking a tall war monument protecting the roundabout that controlled everything. Once could not get anywhere without looking the Union soldier in the eyes. His face was gaunt, as though starvation from the war followed him. His cheekbones protruded, leaving the skin to drape loosely below. The small holes in the limestone left the statue with a strange aura of life, like each of his pores was delicately chiseled onto his face. She never learned his name.

Katherine lifted her head out of the linen cushions. Darcy should be here soon, but she was already 30 minutes late. They would miss the movie for sure. She could show up with a bundle of flowers. That happened once, years ago when they had first met. The summer night was ebbing slowly into the sky as the sun began to lay its head. She remembers the scene so vividly. The orange clouds mixed with the blush pink seeping from the delicate blue, teeter toddlers between a fading gray and a dying cornflower, the day’s last gift to the trees before falling below their view.

They didn’t have set plans that night, just dinner around seven, but Katherine was anxious. What if the food gets cold? She was always worried. Dinner sat on the stove, her on the couch. Staring at the light hanging from the ceiling, a myriad of disastrous situations danced before her eyes. Car crash. Pole fell on her while she was driving. Slipped and fell. Got lost. Abducted. Phone died. She doesn’t like you. She doesn’t like you. She doesn’t like you. “Enough of that,” Katherine said to herself. Her mind worked more like a whirlpool, spinning deeper and deeper into itself. Usually, a part of her sat above, throwing a lifesaver down before her head submerged fully. Slapping her knees, she stood and looked out the window. The stars, rubbing their tired eyes, were peering faintly out over the leaves.

Just as she sighed, the heaving type where sadness pools into and out of one’s lungs with the same breath, she heard a knock at the door. She was startled, a jolt of energy mixed with reupholstered fear made her fingers cold as she rushed to the door. Katherine found herself staring at Darcy, holding bunches of wildflowers. Giddy joy and a twinge of childlike apologetic guilt spread across her cheeks like blush on her olive skin.

Her outfit was eclectic and completely her own. Daisy yellow vinyl raincoat with accenting red sleeves with matching rain boots. They were covered with mud, Katherine would later find that she had waded through a creek to grab the flowers for her. She wore a sweater underneath. It must have been wool, but Katherine couldn’t tell. The thick knit turtleneck was a deep brown, coincidentally matching the mud on her shoes. She was messy and put together. A whirlwind and a light breeze. Summer air and heavy rainfall.

“These are for you.” She thrust the bouquet forward into Katherine’s chest. A ladybug was hanging onto one of the leaves. It flew off towards the light above them. “T-thank you,” Katherine mumbled, not meeting Darcy’s eyes, instead of locked in a trance at the meager gift she had received. There must have been something in the pollen, Katherine thinks, because at that moment, looking into Darcy’s brown eyes, spun with specks of green, she fell in love.

Remembering that night always brought that same smirk Darcy had to Katherine’s lips. She had been trying to be more like her, daring. Unapologetically herself. Wanting nothing from the world besides what she could find on the side of the road or hidden behind her ear.

A light-filled the living room from the driveway. Darcy’s old station wagon flew up next to the house. A flutter started somewhere in Katherine’s legs, moving quickly up to her chest. Heartbeats became so rapid, she couldn’t tell if her heart had stopped altogether or not. Suddenly, she couldn’t remember whether or not she had brushed her teeth. It’s too late to check. She did, she knew she did. A small part of her sat on her heart, calming her soul. Tonight could be the night. It could finally be tonight. She padded from the window to the entrance hall, tiptoeing like she was afraid to move any luck that had settled to the floor from countless days of blowing matches out with the same thought each time.

They had known each other for years now, but Katherine felt something special in the night. The birds had continued singing much longer than they usually did. The moon was just short of full, its eerily bright light illuminating the front yard. The back of the door seemed whiter, purer somehow. She wanted to wait, just to stare until Darcy’s signature knock would fill her ears, just before she would let herself in. “Kat. Kat, listen. Waiting is for the birds. I promise I’ll always knock before I walk in,” she pleaded with her once after Katherine suggested she open the door for her. But, she knew it was futile, and it didn’t bother her anyway. Darcy was a hurricane, and hurricanes don’t ask to go anywhere.

She heard steps on the stairs. Knock. Breathe. Knock. Breathe. Knock. Breathe. Doorknob. Breathe, Katherine.

The door swung open, and there she stood. She smelled like cinnamon and jasmine. It was something new every day. Sometimes small bottles of sandalwood jostled in her purse on early morning walks. Rose petals hidden behind her ears, lavender pouches in her pockets. She was wearing baggy jeans with stars that she had doodled all over her legs. Various colors and sizes of an imaginary galaxy covered her knees. An oversized jacket draped over her bony shoulders, a tight maroon top somehow was also falling off of her. The dinner was somewhat formal, although she didn’t fit the atmosphere much, Katherine knew it wouldn’t matter. Darcy transformed wherever she was. The sky would change colors for her, Katherine was almost sure of that.

“I have a surprise for you,” she said, that special smirk forming as she turned to grab what she had brought. “You’ll never guess what I found when I ran into the drug store on my way here.” She ducked behind the other closed door. There was a scuttle. Katherine’s chest felt heavy. “You remember Tyler, right?” A man appeared in front of Katherine.

  Fuck.

Something broke inside her for a moment. Brief and hopefully indistinguishable in her face. The girl sitting on her heart fell, clutching at her ribs in vain. There was nothing to do.

“Yes! Tyler, how are you? It’s been so long!” She spoke slightly through her teeth, hoping embarrassment and resentment weren’t leaking out her eyes instead of the tears she was holding back. She did know Tyler. They had gone to high school together years ago. She had fallen out of touch with him because she had wanted to. Blame it on the breeze, she reasoned to herself. Time moves and people move with it. It’s no one’s fault. You didn’t even see it happen. But there he stood. His lanky arms filled the space uncomfortably. Katherine felt a strange aura around him. Did he even want to be here? Darcy wanted him to. She held his hand as his eyes couldn’t seem to meet Katherine’s.

His voice was quiet. “Yeah. Hi. It’s been a while.” He didn’t know what he was getting roped into. It was obvious. He just wanted what most people who saw Darcy walking past wanted. Katherine wanted to think she was special, different from the rest, but maybe she wasn’t after all. She did want what he did, but she also wanted to hear about her dreams and what she thought of each blade of grass in the yard. To know her favorite shade of yellow and why certain days have darker blue skies than others. He wouldn’t want that. If he did, Katherine couldn’t be better. There was no fighting it.

“Let me grab my purse and fix my hair, then we can go. I’ll meet you guys in the car?” She spoke more like a command than a suggestion, turning for the bathroom before she had finished talking. She wanted to scream. Pull her hair out. Punch something. Why are you even angry? This wasn’t a date anyway. But she wanted it to be. This was going to be the night where she would look Darcy in the eyes and reach for her hand. Recite a poem about brown-haired girls with big lives and too little time on their hands. She would look her in the eyes and say everything that was collecting on a desk in the back of her mind.

She knotted her thick hair into a bun. It didn’t matter what she looked like anymore. She wiped off the meticulously applied lipstick, smearing it slightly across her cheek. She wanted to rub her makeup off. It didn’t matter. Tears rolled down her face. Suck it up. You don’t cry. Courage was mustered from somewhere in her that she didn’t know existed. With one glance in the mirror and a forced smile, she walked to the car.

The night passed fast.

They arrived. The waiter arrived. Dinner arrived. Other diners arrived. The noise arrived. The discomfort arrived.

It felt like Katherine was third-wheeling her plans. Darcy was always touching Tyler. Nothing inappropriate. A hand on the chest. A simple slap on the shoulder. Fingers accidentally tracing his hand as she reached for something. The conversation was tedious. Tyler monotonously droned on about a job Katherine didn’t care about. All she could stare at was his tooth gap and how his cheeks were too big for his face. His chin was sharp and too strong, she felt, for his big apple cheeks.

The night passed fast.

She was standing on her porch as she watched Darcy get into her car, Tyler by her side, his arm around her shoulder. She watched them get into the car. She watched them look at the other the way she always thought Darcy looked at her. He put his hand on the back of her neck and kissed her delicately. Katherine dissolved into a puddle.

  She’s not a prize. She’s never even told you if she likes girls anyway. That was true. She didn’t know if she did like girls, but that wasn’t ever something they talked about. “Labels are restricting. Who cares what I am when I don’t even fully know yet,” Darcy exclaimed one night. Her arms were always flung everywhere while she spoke like she was giving a speech no matter how small the audience was.

She sat on the couch while the tv played infomercials for the perfect nonstick pan. Nothing would ever stay on it. “No oil needed!” the enthusiastic host practically yelled into the camera. With the loud crash of overzealous salesmanship, Katherine’s eyes refocused. Darcy’s mind was like a riptide. Pulling people out to sea before they could realize how deep they were in. She was stuck out in the sea now, too far to find her way back to the shore she began on. Time moves quickly, but Katherine moves faster. It’s time to let go of the current. It was.

Sweet Darcy. She thought longingly at all the nights when the sky was too perfect not to reach out for her. All the opportunities she missed. Her exterior was too slick. Her walls are too high. Sweet Darcy. The sun has set. The light is gone. And as the birds finally fell asleep, she grappled with the position she found herself stuck in. I’m never going out with you again.

[dwtsfun]

Dancing with the Stars Season 26 Week 1 Recap/Predictions

And we are back with a new season of DWTS. Are y’all ready? We only have 4 weeks (well 3 now) so everyone has to be on their A-game all season. There is no room for mistakes.  Last night’s elimination frustrated me. My timezone is mountain standard time, so of course, they weren’t thinking of including us or the folks in the western standard timezone, in that live vote. I hope they never do anything like that ever again. Because if they keep doing it, I will kindly stop giving them my eyes, time and attention. They don’t care about me, why should I care to help them out. 

Moving on to the eliminated couples, I feel like the writing was on the wall for the both of them. I was dead on with Jamie and honestly, Arike showed out and Johnny didn’t. So he’s gone as well. It sucks. Neither one was bad but silly planning has put us in this situation. It sucks that they put this show on for a spring season even though they knew the whole thing would be rushed and it would be garbage as a result. They knew this. And yet here we are, having to sit through this. But you know, I’m gonna try to remain positive. I’m almost done with the semester and we only have three more weeks. It can be done.

This will be a combination of a recap as well as the predictions post I usually do after the first dances are completed, so order matters as far as where I think they’re going to finish. It is not based on how well I enjoyed each performance. Anyway, let’s get started.

1. Josh and Sharna- While I don’t think Josh is the most technically proficient dancer this season (I think he’s 4th), I think he was number 1 in terms of the entire performance. He has an undeniable energy, he has a style that will separate him from the ice skaters, he’s fun and he and Sharna gel extremely well. With him being a well known football player, He’s already got a built in fanbase that will carry him far. And he’s good enough to win. If this cha-cha was any indication as to how everything else will go for these two, then I’m excited. I hope they pull it out.

2. Adam and Jenna- I don’t think these two are a shoe-in for a win this season. I think I’m willing to cement their place in the finals, but that’s about it. This cha-cha was very good. He performed it well and Jenna’s choreography was really good. He reminds me a bit of Evan Lysacek though. He’s not as stiff as Evan but he definitely isn’t grounded the way that I would like him to be in a Latin dance. Hopefully Jenna can work on that. Otherwise, I thought it was good and I think he’ll be around until the end barring any surprises.

3. Chris and Witney- Chris was very good considering the fact that I kinda thought he was going to be a more enjoyable version of Chris Soules. I’m so glad I was wrong. This Chris is fun to watch and he has a ton of potential to be good. He’s got some rhythm, he’s good at lifts tricks, he’s charismatic and I like his partnership with Witney.

4. Tonya and Sasha- Yes, I put Tonya in 4th. Yes, I actually feel like she could make the finals. Yes her dance was actually my second favorite of the night. And no, I will not join in with y’all in attempting to trash her every single week. I’m willing to give her a chance. If you don’t like it, tough. I don’t care. The one thing that was keeping me from putting Tonya any higher than a week 2 elimination on my preseason predictions was because I was not sure how good she was going to be. Since she is a good dancer I can safely put her in the finals. She’s got a redemption arc, she seems to enjoy the experience for everything that it is and honestly, I think Sasha is really the best partner for her. I love how much he really likes her and how he is willing to go to bat for her while also shielding her from some of the blowback that she has been receiving. That combination is golden. A shortened season will aid her in making it to the finals for sure.

5. Mirai and Alan- I think Mirai is the best technical dancer this season (though not perfect). I thought this salsa was very good, even though there were a few problems here and there (more advanced issues so that’s great she’s already at that point). The issue here is that I think people might think that she is slightly annoying. And I just don’t think there is enough room in the finals for three figure skaters. Now, maybe she may replace one of them for a finals spot, but she has to tone it down a bit and the audience has to turn on either Tonya or Adam (or a combination of the two). It was still a great dance and I feel like she was slightly underscored.

6/7. Kareem and Lindsay, Arike and Gleb- These two are very hard to place. I’m not sure who will end up where, but I do feel like these one will be out next week and the other will be out the following. I don’t think either one has a shot at the finals. I personally feel like Arike has the best shot of making it to week 3. Her dance last night was the most surprising for me and my 3rd favorite of the night. I think that was exactly what she needed to compensate for the lack of press that she’s been able to do. I think 6th would be a good placement for her, but I’m not sure if I can truly call it. Kareem could make it, but his score being the lowest is going to cause issues. And remember, you have to beat two people in order to advance to the next week. You can’t just beat one person and be cool. I did like his dance and would love to see him stay longer. I just don’t know if that score will allow him to stay longer.

8. Jennie and Keo- This isn’t their fault and in a regular season, I think Jennie would make it to about week 6 before she would start being in trouble. But seeing as though her dance this week wasn’t amazing, she was obviously very nervous and her personality isn’t the biggest, I think she leaves next week. She may be able to beat one either Kareem or Arike. I doubt she’s able to beat both though. It is unfortunate and I was excited to see what these two could do. But what can you do?

So that’s it. Let me know your thoughts and I will talk to you all soon. 

[eldritchsurveys]

922.

5k Survey XL

2051. Are more people depressed because they are alone, or are more people alone because they are depressed? >> Heh, 5k Survey Xtra-Large. Anyway, you can be surrounded by people -- people you love and who love you, even -- and be depressed. Depression does not fucking care about your actual life situation or anything else but keeping you in its mind-altering grasp for as long as it possibly can. 2052. Have you ever gotten a mug, t-shirt, key chain, etc. that was personalized with your picture? >> Nope. 2053. What was the last thing that you experienced for the first time? >> This drink from Cafe Boba that I took one sip of and instantly hated. It was supposed to be jasmine green tea with lychee, which sounded like a pleasant, refreshing drink with maybe a bit of sweetness (to counteract my very savoury and rather fatty lunch). It actually tasted like a goddamn syrup dispenser. I was pissed. 2054. If you were going to die tomorrow and you were leaving a postcard for someone to read after you were gone what would it say? >> I wouldn’t do that. 2055. If you were about to be executed what would your last request be? >> How would I know? I can’t imagine being in this situation at all.

2056. What kinds of people do you find intimidating? >> I don’t really find people intimidating. I’ve been on the receiving end of that impression many times and knowing how strange and irrational it seems to hear that from people made it kind of hard for me to experience the feeling myself, I guess. People are just people. 2057. How much conviction do you have in your feelings and beliefs? >> I don’t really care about having conviction, so not a lot, I guess. I just think what I think until/unless the time comes for me to change my mind. 2058. In your house where is the: crazy glue? I’m not sure we have any right now, but if so, it’s probably in the right-most drawer on the east side of our kitchen. flashlight? We don’t have one of those either. We use the flashlight feature on our phones. 2059. Out of everyone you know who has the most personality? >> I don’t know how to quantify this. 2060. If you could go back in time to experience a musical movement or era, which one would you choose to live through? >> --- 2061. Do you suffocate people with your love? >> I am on the direct opposite end of the spectrum from this. 2062. Do you feel your life is charmed? >> I don’t know what this means. 2063. What character do you identify the most with from Winnie the Pooh? >> Eeyore. But also Rabbit, lol. 2064. When do you do your best thinking? >> I’m not sure. 2065. What motivates you? >> I’m also not sure of this. Motivation is very hard for me to muster. 2066. Look back at all the people you’ve dated. Has there been a pattern? >> Sparrow and I were talking about “types” in dating the other day because of a conversation she had at work, and I concluded that the reason there’s been no real pattern in my dating history is because... most of the time when I dated someone, it’s because he asked me out. I just went along with it because I... assumed that’s what you do, I guess. Like, if I wasn’t immediately repulsed by a person, then I was like “yeah, sure, okay”. So it’s not like I was actively picking these people to date as much as they picked me and I wasn’t opposed to it. The first person I remember pursuing is Hallie, and that was such a bass-ackwards and awful choice that I’m surprised I got it right the very next time around (Sparrow). 2067. Things change but what will always remain the same for you? >> The fact of things changing. 2068. Is divorce something you would ever consider or do you feel that marriage is permanently binding? >> I mean, of course I would consider it, if I had to. Nothing is permanently binding except the eventuality of death. 2069. What’s the strangest movie you ever saw? >> Oh, there’s a few. Antichrist comes to mind, of course, but also Enter the Void and Beyond the Black Rainbow, neither of which I finished because they were way too esoteric for me. I find Antichrist, and Mandy and mother! and such, to be just the right kind of strange for me and I gravitate to those kinds of movies hard. 2070. If you could go into virtual reality and set up your life there to be perfect and it would seem real but not be real would you trade your life now for the virtual life? >> I’d really rather not get involved with that at all. 2071. Does it seem like life is more difficult for you than for anyone else? >> When I’m depressed, sure. That’s part of the self-focused, excessively negative worldview shit. But normally, I understand that that’s not a logical way to think. 2072. What are you grateful for? >> You know, stuff. I’m not going to make a list right now. 2073. What was a choice that you didn’t want to make but you had to? >> I can’t think of one right now. 2074. Have you ever had dental surgery? >> I had a tooth pulled, does that count as surgery... I’m not sure where the line is. 2075. At what point exactly are you grown up? >> There is no “grown up”, it’s all just... some kind of complex illusion that people create to determine when they should stop watching cartoons or whatever. ...I mean, maybe I’m being a bit harsh, but I’m sick of the whole concept because it just never meant anything to me and even in my thirties I don’t get it. 2076. If there was a weight loss procedure that would destroy your ability to taste food so you wouldn’t be tempted by junk food, would you have it done? >> I stopped at “if there was a weight loss procedure”. Just fuck off with that. 2077. What is one thing that happened that you never expected? >> Like, in general? A majority of the stuff that’s happened to me, dude. 2078. If you called one of your friends and they said “It’s nothing personal but I don’t want to talk to anyone right now,” would you take it personally? >> First of all, bold of you to think I call people. But okay, say I messaged someone or something. I would take it a little personally at first, like it’d sting, but ultimately I’d respect that boundary and hope that it just means they’re focused on something in their life right now and don’t have the time/energy, but will probably come talk some other time. I’ve zero problem with that and don’t mind waiting, I just... often have the impression that I have no value to other people so I automatically assume they’re never going to talk to me again, lol. 2079. What is your favorite girl’s name? >> --- 2080. Do you ever feel guilty for being more fortunate then others? >> I sometimes experience something that reminds me of the concept of survivor’s guilt -- I made it out of being broke and homeless in NYC like so many other young, non-white, queer people, though not through any real work of my own (unless you count maintaining a long-distance relationship for a few years as work, which, okay, yeah), and there are so many people that just... will end up falling through the cracks, or getting into progressively more fucked-up situations, or dying, or whatever. And that sucks. Sometimes I wonder if I deserve to have made it out, or whether I’m doing enough to be worthy of it, although I know that’s a really fallacious way to think. 2081. If you had to wear a shirt with one word on it for a year, what word would you choose? >> Like, if I was a cartoon character, what would my shirt be? I’m not sure, but it’d probably be something a little ridiculous. 2082. What is evian spelled backwards? >> I’m sure you don’t need me to tell you. 2083. You drop 10 pounds of feathers and a ten pound bowling ball off the top of the same building. Which will hit the ground first? >> I don’t know. I guess it would depend if the 10lb of feathers was all in a single container or just... freely falling feathers, wouldn’t it? 2084. Even though you may never get what you want, are you happy because you’re trying? >> I’m not happy because I’m trying, I’m trying because the only other choice is to stop trying at all and that’s... no longer acceptable to me, I guess. 2085. If you started a petition what would it be about? >> I wouldn’t. 2086. When was the last time you asked someone to do something and they said no? >> I don’t remember. 2087. Do bad things happen to you on friday the 13th? >> Not that I’ve paid any specific attention to. I imagine bad things can happen on that day with the same or similar likelihood as any other day, but I wouldn’t focus on the fact that it’s Friday the thirteenth. 2088. What’s your favorite:  Madonna song? Again, just picking a song I like at random. Like a Prayer. John Lennon song? Michael Jackson song?  Doors song? The End. Rolling Stones song? Gimme Shelter. David Bowie song? (Fuck, like... half of his fucking oeuvre???) Space Oddity. Elvis song? If I Can Dream. 2089. If you had started a relationship with someone and they said that it would be best if no one knew about it just to see how it goes, would you be offended? >> I wouldn’t be offended, I would just hear alarm bells in my head. Definitely not a situation I’d like to be in, period. 2090. Do you know any self defense? >> No. I’ve picked up random tips over the years, but that’s all. Nothing I’ve really practiced, per se. How about CPR? >> No. I more-or-less know how it goes, but I’m not certified or anything. 2091. If you had to look into a mirror and see your naked soul stripped of all delusions and pretenses (Never ending Story style)could you handle it? >> Damn, I don’t even remember that part from Neverending Story, really gotta rewatch that, huh. Hopefully it’s still on HBO but it might be gone by now, I think it was on the “last chance to watch this” list recently. Anyway, I don’t know if I could handle that or not. Not sure what it would even feel or look like. 2092. Are you a genius? >> No. 2093. How did you find out that Santa Clause wasn’t real? >> I was never taught about him in the first place. 2094. Which is your favorite tarot card? >> Either Death or The Sun. Or The Hermit, that’s always a good one. Oooh, the Magician’s good too... this is tough. I love tarot. 2095. Does the internet separate people or connect them? >> I guess it does a fair amount of both, depending. 2096. Have you ever written a letter to a soldier? >> No. 2097. Does pain and fear make you feel alive? >> Er... I mean, that’s... I’m not sure how to answer that. Pain and fear often make me feel like I want to stop being alive, to be honest... 2098. Are you: good looking? Not answering that. thin? Eh. Not so much. happy? Sometimes. successful? At what? confident? Not particularlyl. 2099. Are you deciseive or wishy washy? >> It depends on what kind of decision I’m making and how much energy I have to make that kind of decision. 2100. Do you feel pop stars should be morally responsible to set a good example for their fans? >> I don’t think so, no. I think at some point, young people have to learn to discern what kind of behaviour they’re going to emulate and what kind of behaviour they don’t want to emulate, and seeing people behave in a variety of ways and figuring out how they feel about those behaviours helps with that discernment. Besides, celebrities are people, not fucking... archetypes, or heroic figures, or something. The fact that we treat this certain subset of human being like they should be something “greater” than human is more than a little weird to me (although I do recognise it’s probably something we’ve been doing in various forms or another for centuries, if not longer).

[elle-stevens]

The Break Up Blog - Day Thirty One

Urgh, I am still so tired today. 

Luckily, I got my lazy ass out of bed at 06:15 and started getting ready for the day. Eating only one Weetabix for breakfast was a mistake though because I was starving again close to 10:00, but I forged on with the day. 

it was a long and tiring day at work because my written assessments were due today. Naturally, all my students took that to mean ‘take your own sweet time doing a simple writing activity that I basically did for you from scratch without really knowing what you’re actually doing even after I’ve told you a million times how to do it’.  

I think this may be the definition of what an ESL teacher is. 

Still, it wasn’t a horrible day, not at all. I was in good spirits throughout; I even went off-campus with C, AS and PE to get lunch and my favourite passion fruit drink from Ydiendien. Most of my students are done with their assessments, but whoever’s not finished yet will just have to do it on Monday. So if any of my students want to complain about my other classes getting some free time on Monday, they can suck it up because they should’ve done their work quicker. And then they could enjoy some free time after a big test too. It pays to do your work expediently instead of wasting your time being a smartass. 

I don’t have the energy to care anymore about how I’m actually teaching. I just want to get my students through their four assessments for the rest of the semester and a few other mandatory school events like the Speech Contest. And then hopefully, my jaded ass will be done with this mundane crap before I’m hopefully moving onto bigger and better things. It’s a shame; I actually get along with more than 96% of my colleagues and my students and on paper, the school I work at is really great. They just have a super shitty management style and their ESL curriculum is not only outdated, but irrational and counter-productive. There’s no point staying at a job if you’re not growing, both professionally and personally. 

I managed to leave work on time and spent an hour at home vegging on the couch and texting D back and forth. There’s some noisy construction going on in her building and it got her pretty worked up. I just hope she ended up having a better evening after getting a massage earlier to help her cool off. I’ll never understand how Chinese people can build more apartments on top of existing apartments without there being some kind of damage to a building’s structural integrity. As the saying goes: ‘TIC: This is China’. 

Because of that, I spaced out on my timing with making bruschetta before heading over to C’s for Game Night with PE, his wife G, CI and AM. I ended up baking two sets of bruschetta: one with tomatoes and one without, which got me a bit flustered. C’s allergic to tomato too as well as mushrooms, so I had to change my bruschetta recipe ever so slightly and separate the meats and vegetables while preparing the toppings. I kinda thought that it wouldn’t be right to make C sick or kill her because of a bad allergic reaction when she kindly offered to host ‘Game Night’ at her place. 

After lots of dawdling, I made it over to C’s at 18:30. CI, PE and G were already there playing a round of ‘Karma’ while C and AS had gone out to buy more snacks. AM had forgotten about ‘Game Night’ initially, but left the gym to come join us in the end.

It was a really fun night! Everyone liked the bruschetta and the Korean-styled fried chicken that C ordered. I drank some of the cocktails I brought over along with PE’s whiskey and Sprite and AM’s fruit cocktails that she mixed up in a blender, but I didn’t even get tipsy, let alone drunk. It was nice distracting myself and letting go of my worries without using alcohol as an excuse. We played Cards Against Humanity, which was fucking hilarious and just wrong on all levels. Then we used our phones to play some interactive games on PE’s PS4, which was loads of fun too. 

CI was the first to leave because he was pretty tired and then AM left an hour after him. I felt a bit worried about CI’s departure since he initially wanted to leave for the evening when C told us some shocking news related to work. She was told today that my school wouldn’t be renewing her contract next year. And all because she’s been at the school too long (4 years so far) and the new vice-principal thinks it’s better for our school to have a higher turn-over for foreign students. But the school is so ‘sad’ about it and hope that C won’t take it personally and that they’re willing to give her a glowing letter of recommendation.

Honestly, all of the reasoning behind this sounds like total crap. Our new vice-principal just started working at school literally last week and he suddenly has a lot to say about turnover in foreign staff members? 

Nuh, I’m flagging the play and calling bullshit. 

I think that C has inadvertently pissed off a lot of people at our school just by being a better teacher with more innovative teaching methods and who actually cares about the students. And now these people are finally getting what they wanted all-along: the chance to get rid of C under a legitimate and pretentious guise. I feel really sad and angry about the entire affair, mainly because I wanted C to be able to leave on her own terms and reject the school instead of the other way around. They’ve treated her so badly; it would’ve been nice to see everyone’s smug faces shatter when she told them to shove their contract up their asses. 

Still, I know that C will bounce right back from all of this. She’s a trooper and I know she won’t let shitty people get her down for too long. I admire her a lot for it. I honestly don’t care if my school wants to renew my contract or doesn’t at this point. As far as I’m concerned, they can kiss my big, brown ass. They’ll get the picture soon enough when they actually start reading the online reviews from previous staff members about how crap their system really is. But by then, it’ll be too late. C will have moved onto bigger and better things by then, so more power to her. 

It kinda feels like everything is falling apart this year: my parents separated and my dad’s living indefinitely in his own apartment away from my mom; X and I broke up when I thought we’d be each other’s forevers. And now, this business with C not having her contract renewed and her possibly leaving China next year. I think the latter move is what’s best for her, since she’s been in China for 4 years already and her health’s deteriorating. She’ll have better access to healthcare back in the States and she’ll also have better business contacts too. But still, a lot seems to have changed for the worst this year and I’m still trying to wrap my head around it. 

Still, I’m not too depressed about things. I just keep showing up and punching my proverbial time card. I can’t afford to curl up into the foetal position in my bedroom and say, ‘Oh well, I gave it a shot. But the Universe and all its fucked up ways wins this round.’ 

Tomorrow’s another day and it usually shines brighter than yesterday ever could. C’s going to take AS around the city tomorrow and help her do some grocery shopping for her new apartment and they invited me along. It’s good that we’ll do it in the morning so I can rest in the afternoon and hopefully exercise in the evening. 

We got a nice bonus at work for Chuseok (Korean Thanksgiving), so it’s nice to have a little extra cash this month. I���m gonna use the bulk of my bonus on rent for this month so I only have to withdraw a little rent money next month when it’s due. God works in mysterious ways and he saved me from being flat broke. August was rough on my soul and it took a lot to keep me afloat. But I got through it somehow and I’m grateful that He was there to catch me whenever I fell. 

I’m really lucky. 

It’s not easy walking around every day with a broken heart, wondering if you’ll ever get fixed or just stay a broken toy for a long time to come. That’s probably why I’m giving into shameless perving on anything in human form these days. Because perving is silly and harmless. It gives me a weird feeling of confidence unlike when real feelings are involved. Because when something is real, it means something. And when it means something, you let your guard down and put your trust in another person. And that person has the power to fuck you over for a long time till you’re not sure you’ll have the heart or the courage to love another person again after them. 

That’s what X did to me and I’m in no hurry to give my heart away so soon again. I want to keep my heart to myself for a little while longer until I wake up one day and magically realise that I no longer care about X in any sense. 

Now, it’s already the next day and it’s actually the thirty-second day since I told X to ‘hit the bricks’. As good as it is to get out, meet people and stay busy, I hope I can slow down soon though. I need to start getting proper rest so I can function properly.

I don’t want to think or stress too much about anything that happens from here on out. I just want to live in the moment and try to be happy in which way it comes to me.