#hoped youd get there faster if you quit your job and had to deal with it
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hugoweavingbaskets · 2 years ago
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#wdip#i cant really tell when im spiralling until someone points it out#and i can tell that im spiralling so its not good.#i want to do some art or something to help myself feel better but if i do art then im not being productive aka applying to jobs#it is physically painful to reach out for jobs at this point#i feel like im never going to be happy#feels like theres no point#and then if i complain about this i feel bad because ive been so fortunate to have enough saved that im able to be out of work for so long#and then its like well you knew this would happen and you KNEW it would take rock bottom to get you to take this seriously and you kinda#hoped youd get there faster if you quit your job and had to deal with it#im not trying to be dramatic but i truly dont see any paths forward that lead to me feeling fulfilled which has been a major source of#the hashtag ol depression#and my sleep schedule has been absolute garbage recently since i dont have a schedule anymore#ive been up since 4pm yesterday#and the work its gonna take me to get out of this feels insurmountable#especially by myself#im so tired of feeling like this#im just feeling so alone#i feel hollow#i know i need to move around more i know it#but i look in the mirror and barely recognize myself#my body doesnt feel like my body#the physical limitations of not being able to move ways that i know im flexible enough for because theres a physical barrier of fat#and my inner fatphobia has been having a field day#its been really difficult to acknowledge the fact that im fat now and i will likely just be fat for the rest of my life#it's immensely unbelievably incomprehensibly difficult to do the hard work toward feeling better when you look in the mirror and see nothin#even more difficult when you look in the mirror and see a twisted version of who you used to be and wonder if she's in there somewhere#and im tired of the canned advice on how to get out of ruts i KNOW THE THINGS I HAVE TO DO! I KNOW IT! I KNOW IT! I KNOW IT! but doing#something means i have to acknowledge how deeply DEEPLY DEEPLY INTRINSICALLY broken i am and its easier to shove it down than deal with it#anyway how about that jeff goldblum
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seapandora · 4 years ago
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Sky High
Part 1
Summary: Y/N, an angel of the Lady. She is beauty, she is grace, but she will punch a demon in its face. 
A/N: A part of the writing challenge @buckysknifecollection made. It is going to be a series, and I´d love to hear from you guys on what you´d like me to change and what not. I really hope this will be a good one, I love the prompt and I just had a lot of fun writing this even if it probably doesn’t make any sense XD. Anyways, enjoy guys!
Warnings: Swearing (I swear a lot, okay), sexual innuendos (later chapters), alcohol, mentions of death/killing, mentions of religion(s), angst (future chapters), fluff (future chapters)
Steve x fem!reader
Words: 1778
Prompt: Angel/Demon AU
Y/N: Your Name
Y/Ns week had been awful, more so than usual. She hadn´t been able to be around her favorite humanoids and she had been away on mission after mission to species who didn’t appreciate her help and in the end didn’t pray to or for her, meaning her grace was draining slightly. It made her grouchy and really not very pleasant to be around. Natasha had already pointed that out to her, but Y/N had just grumbled and asked for another whiskey. It was the only way she would be able to get through the week in her own head.
Monday
Everyone hates Mondays, why should this one had been any different? It really wasn´t. It all started with Y/N getting her mission. A population of Welmus. An aggressive species who had no beliefs and were therefor hard to control. Welmus weren´t large, but they were many, reproduced faster than regular humans and could be a real pain in the ass unless controlled. Normally the younger angels would handle them, in more or less good ways. But in the past few months they had had a bit of an upproar which ended in the entire population having to be wiped out. Y/N didn’t like the work, but she didn’t want someone like Tony to have to do it. He took it more personal than Y/N did. She just did the job, she didn’t want to loose her wings. It seemed to be painful. So yes, she had commited mass-murder, in the name of Maria. In the words of sir Ian McKellen, in the Da Vinci-code, as long as there´s been one true god there has been killing in his name. Maria was god now. So while the Welmus-species wasn’t huge, standing at a height of 50 cm, they were very very aggressive and didn´t go down with a fight. Y/N had earned quite a few scars from that battle. In the end she had did what needed to be done though and she had wished for no more mission for the day, but as per usual, she never got what she wanted. Maria had given her another mission, this one to sort up another rebellion. She wouldn’t need to take anyone out, but she was supposed to take those responsible, into custody to let them stand in the court of holy law to have their fates determined. What a Monday it had been.
Tuesday - Thursday
Tuesday she had gotten her third mission of the week. To get to earth and make believers pray and atone for their sins. Yay, her favorite. Oh how she hated humans. They were ungreatful, needy, whiny, cruel, and disrespectful. They didn’t appreciate her help and didn’t pray for her after she left. All angels had a specific area they took care of Y/Ns was peace and she had visited earth with the mission to calm people down. The least they could do was to pray for peace no matter what religion they belonged to. Anyways, she had been busy trying to keep forces separated and her mind had been working non-stop to convince the leaders of the two forces to retreat and squash the dispute. What good was it being the good guy if she couldn’t use her powers. The whole ordeal had just taken so much energy out of her and Thursday night she just cured up under the stars and let herself regenerate a bit of Grace. It was exhausting to end fights and make sure everyone behaved, humans were particularly hard to deal with. And would you know, Friday would be even worse.
Friday
Whats worse than having adult humans not believe in peace? Having a child believe in peace but have to take them out because their future shows them to be horrible humans. The world didn’t need a new dictator. Her day had hence started with just studying the child, and eventually talking to the child and lastly taking the childs hand and guide him to Maria. Yes that meant the child moved on to the after-life. Yeah, Y/N job really wasn’t glamourous or fun sometimes. Her Friday didn’t end with that though. Maria sent her to collect three angels from hell, or the underworld rather. It was the same place for all religions who believed in a hell-like world where you were punished for your sins. Y/N liked the underworld, well she didn’t mind the dark and silence down there. Unlike heaven she never felt crowded while she was down there. The angels had all been captured by demons but had now been traded for demons that were kept in heaven. Y/N didn’t really know why they had all been captured, she didn’t really care, she just did her job. The angels had been returned safe and sound and Y/Ns week had finally been over. Well work for her was never over, but she took the weekend away from her boss, so close enough.
Angels and Demons, good and bad, light and dark, blah blah blah… Y/N had heard it all by now. She was the good, light, gracious and angelic. She was beautiful as few and carried her aura with pride. Well according to what most people thought anyways. She hated it, every second of it. Being an angel wasn’t something she had chosen. She had died, it was quite dramatic and all, but she had long forgotten how she died. Someone had seen into her sould and whipped up some hefty spell. And she oop… was an angel. Yeah yeah, it wasn’t that simple, but she didn’t know the process, just that she went through it. A few years into her… holiness… angelness… angelship, she got a wessel. She was to do the Lords work on earth. Y/N hadn´t been a believer before she died, doing the Lords work felt hypocritical to her and she had rebelled in a sense. Her rebellion had led to the exchange of theLord into a very lovey lady, Maria. Okay, she wasn’t lovely but, Y/N disliked any kind of authority. She did her duties as she got them in exchange for not being disturbed inbetween her missions. Her reach stretched beyond Earth, more than the human species believed in a power, and she was one of a number to make the higher powers work. Y/Ns favorite species to help were the Sofwas. They are small humanoid creatures, about 2 inches tall and despite that they’ve got quite the vocal range and Y/N always felt humbled by them. They were vocal, but kind, mostly. Y/N would often volonteer to help the Sofwas and she was respected and prayed to by the creatures. It was important to be that respected by at least one species. If she wasn’t she would fade, her wessel would devour all of her grace and she´d become a mere shell walking across the worlds praying on angels. Now lets not confuse a corrupted angel with a demon. A demone was a completely different thing, as unpleasant and disgusting of course, well almost all demons were awful.
Natasha wasn’t awful. She was a demon Y/N had worked with a few times by now. Angels and demons didn’t always have opposing goals. Most demons knew who Y/N was, they knew her story with heaven and often thought they could ger her to join their cause, or side, or whatever youd want to call it. Those attempt only pissed Y/N off, they were futile. She didn’t want to be on anyones bad side. She had, first hand, had to rip angels wings off because of their disobediance and failure to hide it, or make up for it. She had, first hand, had to kill demons, as they strayed too far off their path. All she really wanted was some peace and quiet. She had no interest in the disputes between angels and demons. She just didn’t want to be bossed around. That was her problem. If she refused orders she´d be discarded, she´d be killed. She was stuck in her situation really. Now back to Natasha, she ran a bar Y/N often visited. They had the more potent stuff that would get angels and demons alike, a good buzz. Y/N was a frequent visitor. Her work was hard and in the bar she didn’t have to think. A few of her collegues came with her occasionally, Tony mostly, but also Rhodey, and T´Challa. They usually met up in the bar to discuss their latest missions. The other three however werent as keen on demons as Y/N was. They were all technically younger than her and had a lot of faith in their boss Maria. Of course they knew about Y/Ns rebellion, but they hadn´t been around for it. At the bar they could talk freely, while there Maria couldn’t summon them. Natasha had made sure that the bar was a free haven.
The bar wasn’t only for them though, no no no, Natasha would never have been able to put up with them alone, there had to be at least two demons in the bar to balance it out. This didn’t always fall well with Tony and Rhodey. T´Challa was more relaxed around the demons even if he didn’t trust them or wanted to talk to them. There was however one demon neither of them wanted to talk to and Y/N wasn´t too fond of him either. He went by The Captain or The Nomad Captain, and he was the leader of the demons. He was the, so called, devils right hand. No one really knew his real name, well of course Y/N knew it. She knew a lot. She got around enough to understand who he was. The captain had a few friends Y/N actually spent some time with every now and then. It was mostly at the bar, but occasionally out in the real world as well. A demon Y/N really enjoyed spending time with was Sam. He was fun, and didn’t judge Y/N for being an angel. Unfortunately Sam spent most of his time with The Captain and his other associate. Y/N wanted to say the two were friends, but she didn’t know if demons could even have friends. Hell, she wasn’t sure she had or could have friends. Yes she had her collegues but they weren´t her friends. Currently the bar was empty apart from herself, Natasha, Natashas friend Wanda, and The Captain and the person Y/N had realized was closest to him, James. It was weird being the only angel in the establishment, but Y/N didn’t care too much. As long as The Captain and James didn’t pick a fight she would be fine. 
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cattwomannn · 8 years ago
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Worth It (Jason Todd x Reader)
A/N: I really hope you guys like it! I’m sorry if its not my best.. I stayed up till 5 am yesterday trying to finish it so i could post it today so if it sucks i apologize!
Y/N- Your Name
Y/S/N- Your Superhero Name
Warning(s): Yelling and cursing
Request: “Can you do a Jason Todd x reader where the reader is best friends with Dick and Jason is jealous” -anon
Tonight you were on patrol with Dick, it had been a while since you got to go out and kick ass with your best friend and you really missed it. Recently you’d been paired up with Red Hood.. not that you were complaining. You’d always had a crush on Jason and spending more time with him and getting to know him better was nice. But you were always slightly on edge with Jason. You wanted to make a good impression so you were always on ans ready to make a witty remark. With Dick though it was different, you could be a total doofus with him and you knew he wouldn’t judge you.
The night had been pretty tame though.. just a few low grade thugs running around. Nothing you and Nightwing couldn’t handle. Tonight’s shift was slowly coming to an end and you and Dick decided to go relax in one of your favorite spots. You both grapple up onto the roof of an abandoned apartment building to star gaze. You sit down on the edge of the building letting your feet dangle off the side. Dick sits down next to you.
“You ever think about leaving Gotham?” you ask. He turns to look at you. “Maybe even leaving the east coast completely. Going to California, get some sun, have a normal life…” you continue. He leans back on his hands really thinking about it. “I think id miss the action too much.. and you.. id miss you.” he says, leaning forward. His face now just mere inches in front of yours. Just then you hear the click of a camera come down from the streets below. You look Nightwing dead in the eyes and lean forward a little more, your lips now nearly touching.. and that’s when you both burst into laughter.
Nothing even remotely romantic had ever happened between you and Dick. But a few weeks ago Vicki Vale had released a piece on the “blossoming love” between Nightwing and Y/S/N. The media has a hard time believing the two of you are just friends because of how close you are and you knew it was only a matter of time before it became “news”. And since you and Dick both found it hilarious youd often put yourselves into suggestive situations to mess with everyone. All of your superhero friends got a good laugh out of it as well.. except for Jason that is. He never really found the humor in it and you could never understand why.
You and Dick sat there a little while longer just filling each other in on the day to day details of your lives. Eventually though it was time to head home. You had to get up early and go in for your day job. You wished you could just quit your job at the coffee shop and be a vigilante full time. Unfortunately as much as you loved it it didn’t really pay the bills.. so you say your goodbyes to Dick and grapple off the building. You decided to take the streets home instead of the roof tops. The city was actually quite beautiful when there weren’t superhuman criminals blowing it to bits. Your thoughts were cut short though when someone grabbed your shoulder. Your instincts kicked in and you grabbed the arm of whoever was touching you and flipped them over your shoulder, slamming them onto the floor.
“Holy shit, Y/N. Its me! Its just me!.” the person says. You suddenly realize that you almost accidentally beat the shit out of Red Hood. “Oh god! I’m so sorry. I was lost in my own thoughts.. you scared the shit out of me.” you say, helping him up. He brushes himself off. “You know as well as I do that you should always be on alert.. even on quiet nights like this.” he says. “Yeah, yeah. Spare me the scolding.. I get enough of that from Batman.” He laughs at that. “You and me both.” The two of you start walking down the street together.
“So.. I saw you and Nightwing back there.. looked pretty cozy.” he says. If you hadn’t known better you’d say he sounded annoyed. You snort. “We were just fucking around. Someone was taking pictures of us..” you laugh. “You looked pretty into it.. you know he goes through girls like shoes.”
“Hey! That’s my best friend you’re talking about.. and your brother might I add.” you say, getting mildly pissed off. “Whatever” he mutters and starts to walk the other way. “Where are you going?!” you shout. “ Home.. pay attention to where you’re going.. don’t go around body slamming any civilians on your way back..” you roll your eyes and continue on your way back to your apartment. Maybe you were wrong about Jason Todd.. maybe he really was just an asshole in a red helmet.
THE NEXT DAY
You couldn’t wait for the day to be over. You just wanted to go home, put on your bad ass outfit, and go kick some bad guy ass with Dick. After your morning shift at the coffee shop ended you decided to head over to Wayne Manor.. or as you liked to call it, your “home away from home”. As soon as you walked through the front door of the manor you were greeted by Dick. He pulled you into a giant hug. A small shriek escaped your lips as he lifted you up off the floor. He sets you back down and his face quickly becomes serious. “I have some bad news.” he says. Your smile quickly fades. “What happened? Who’s hurt??” he laughs. “No ones hurt, Y/N.”
You breathe a sigh of relief. “Then what is it?” you ask. “I have to go back to Bludhaven early..” he says. “What?! Why?!” you shout. “Penguins causing trouble out there again and I have to go deal with it.. I actually have to leave now. I just wanted to wait till you got here so I could tell you in person.”
“Well, I could go with you!” you say in a cheery voice. “No.. you’re needed here.” he chuckles. “Besides I heard about your and Jason’s little scuffle last night and I convinced Bruce to pair up the two of you so you could make up.” he says, grabbing his things. “What?!” you screech. He kisses your cheek and heads out the door. “Have fun! I love you! Stay safe!” he smiles. “Screw you, Richard Grayson!” you yell. All you hear as the door closes is his laughter.
As the day goes by you start to dread tonight’s patrol more and more. You didn’t want to have to deal with Jason’s snipping and you were pretty sure he didn’t want anything to do with you either. But time always has a way of going by faster when you have to do something you dread and eventually its time to go out. You and Jason decide to meet out in the city, and surprisingly the night goes off without a hitch, aside from Jason ignoring you basically the whole time you’re out. But him ignoring you was better than him yelling at you the whole time.. or so you thought. At some point the silence between the two of you becomes too much to handle and you snap.
“What the fuck did I ever do to you, Hood?! You act like I kicked your god damn dog!” you yell. “I dont have a dog.” he says shortly. “You know what I mean! Don’t play dumb.” you fire back.“You know what? Why don’t you just go back to playing house with Nightwing. I know you’d rather be out with him than here with me.” he yells, yanking off his helmet revealing the small mask underneath. “I told you that Dick and I are just friends. Why are we even talking about this still?? Its not like you have any interest in who I date anyways!” you yell back. “Yeah? Well maybe I DO.” This stops you in your tracks. “What?” you ask.
“Maybe I do care who you date..” he mumbles. “Why?” he sighs. “Come on, Y/N.. Don’t make me say it.” he begs running his hands through his hair. “Say what?” you say, quietly. “That.. fuck. That I like you as more than just a friend. I always have.” you’re stunned. You don’t know what to say, so instead you just stand there with your mouth hanging open like an idiot. Jason must take this as your disinterest  because with that he starts to walk away. But before he can make it more than a few feet away you reach out and grab his hand, pulling him back to you. “What? What is it? Spare me the rejection, Y/N. I know when I’m not wanted.” he starts to put his helmet back on when you grab it out of his hands and throw it to the ground.
“Hey! That’s my last one! Be care-” but you cut him off when you press your lips to his. Hes surprised but that sure as hell doesn’t stop him from kissing you back. His arm snakes around your waist pulling as as close to him as the two of you can manage. That’s when you hear it.. the familiar sound of a camera clicking. You pull away. “Someones taking pictures of us..” you whisper. “Let them” he says, smiling. This makes you laugh. “The media is gonna have a field day with this one. ‘Y/S/N CHEATING ON NIGHTWING WITH THE RED HOOD. IS THIS THE END OF THE BATFAMILY AS WE KNOW IT?'”  you say dramatically. “You’re worth it, I think.” he smirks. “Oh, you think??” you say raising your eyebrows. “Yeah.. we’ll just have to wait and see, I guess..” he jokes. “Just shut up and kiss me, Todd.. before I change my mind.” and just like that you’re kissing again. You had to make a mental note to thank Dick for ditching you tonight.. guess his plan worked out pretty damn well..
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