#the physical limitations of not being able to move ways that i know im flexible enough for because theres a physical barrier of fat

[crew-of-the-detz]

The Prolouge

So, I may have bitten off more than I can chew. I may or may not have started working on a short little novel since Im taking a break from the TTRPG game I’m making. I decided instead of writting from the perspective of the well known Detz personnel such as Capt. Kev, Klove, Peacock, Johannson, Herkendel, etc. Why not write from the perspective of a new “asset”? The story follows a woman who has lost almost everything, and attempts to rebuild her life which eventually leads her to the Detz. Below the break is the prolouge, enjoy!

Prologue: A Miserable Little Nobody

The truth was simple, Eliza Korlin was a nobody. A daughter of nobodies, raised by nobodies. The Human-Burso war didn’t care about the nobodies, those caught in the crossfire were just another number added to the tally of active casualties. A bomb hit Eliza’s domicile when she was 10, a Human bomb meant for a Burso warship that according to the report was off by only nine degrees. Nine degrees, just enough for the bomb to miss the hull of the warship and send it careening towards the asteroid they lived on. Evacuation was delayed, a Burso scrambler cutting communications. Eliza remembered crossing the threshold from her domicile to the docking bay, her parents close behind. The asteroid shuddered and Eliza was thrown to her feet. When she looked back for her parents a cold metal shutter blocked her view. A viewport along the ceiling showed her metal fragments and corpses vented into space. A body with her father’s rucksack caught her attention in particular. An older woman picked her up and rushed her to a shuttle, the shuttle left her home and family behind. A shuttle full of nobodies. Her father was a factory worker, her mother a nurse. Her father had black hair, her mother had blonde hair. 

She doesn't remember much more than that, aside from little stories her father told her to help her sleep. She used to know their faces, but now that she’s 27 she has trouble remembering much more than the color and length of hair. She remained a nobody even after leaving that place. She was put into a foster care system, bounced from home to home. She had become a juvenile delinquent when she hit the age of 15, a mean streak emerged when she developed a habit of getting in fights. She was first arrested at 18 for the theft of a vehicle from a state employee. She wasn’t a kid anymore, she went to prison for 3 years. She learned things in an orbital prison, mostly how to keep herself alive. She got jumped near the end of her sentence, ran her mouth off too much to the wrong person and was nearly beaten to death in the showers at the age of 20. The experience “scared her straight”, well, as straight as a traumatized young felon can be. She was released at the age of 21 and realized she was still a nobody, despite the clout she had earned in prison. For a while, she worked at a burger joint. Living off of a minimum wage paycheck and instant ramen. She was a nobody to everybody, just a face in a red hat that handed them greasy burgers. She had no family, no friends, everyone she met looked at her as if she was a blur. 

Eventually she got fired, her temper getting the best of her with a particularly abrasive customer. With no friends, no family, and little to no money she grew desperate. At the age of 25 she answered an ad requesting deep space scroungers. She got out of her apartment and left on a shuttle the following day. As she looked around she noticed a few faces like hers, rough, scarred, mottled, almost blurry. Nobodies. She arrived out on an orbital platform and was trained in a zero-G environment. Scrounging was dangerous, but it paid well. Perfect for a woman alone in the world, nobody to mourn her should an accident happen. Scroungers had multiple jobs; the easiest being drone control, the most dangerous being ship incursion and extraction. 

Drone control was like playing a video game, using drones to collect cargo that had spilled or ship chunks broken off of larger vessels. Incursion and extraction could be done one of two ways: a MMU suit or a Malenshar craft. The MMU was quick, an intricate set of thrusters attached to a space suit. MMU pilots could squeeze just about anywhere getting at valuables with their cutting tools before moving them back to the collection zone using a tether tool or a good old rope and clamp. The MMU unfortunately doesn’t protect against most occupational hazards.

 A scrounger always had to worry about fire from gas lines, shock from live electrical systems, a cracked visor, or the most fatal of all: Depressurization. Depressurization was the worst thing a scrounger could deal with. Make a cut into a room with pressure you would have the whole steel wall and everything inside flying at you at several dozen meters a second. The Malenshar craft was a small orb-like craft with a gripping arm and a tool arm. It was your best defense against depressurization, able to take a beating and still keep going. However the malenshar is large, suitable only for large craft. It was also slow and required large amounts of fuel that would come out of the scroungers paycheck. You run out of fuel, you’re dead in the water with limited oxygen. Plenty a scrounger died in a spherical coffin, waiting for another scrounger to pick apart their dead Malenshar for parts. Eliza had signed on with a scrounging company working out in the belt of her local star system. Plenty of small crafts got lost in the belt as well as the occasional freighter or cruiser left for scroungers by the war or some other tragedy. Eliza had become quite skilled with the MMU suit, able to slip into ships and get their entire worth out to the collection zone for the barge to pick up. A smelter barge would come by after the collection barge to melt down the hull and bulkheads of the ship. 

Her first year on the job, she saw more money then she’d seen in her entire life. She even began to make friends, for the first time in her life she felt seen. Blurred faces brought into focus by the time spent together, the things they went through together. People took time to be around her and people paid attention to her comings and goings for once. Her second year on the job, she experienced her first loss. A good friend of hers named Jason cut a room that was pressurized. The wall blew out into thousands of shards and launched a databank through his skull, there wasn’t a body left to collect. The scroungers got together that night and poured one out for the dead man. Management let them have the night, but early next morning they had to make up for the lost time. Eliza was assigned to the ship Jason was working on. Somebody had to finish the job. Working that ship felt wrong, she always felt that she was being watched. The natural entropy of space carried bits of Jason through the ship, bits of MMU scattered about which added even more to haunted ambiance. But it was a job that needed doing, putting nerves aside Eliza did what needed to be done, even salvaging the thrusters of Jason’s MMU for a little pay boost. She didn’t feel good about it, but it felt even worse just leaving credits free floating in space. 

The job had made her a different person. She no longer felt unseen, the violent spark in her chest had died down, and she woke up every day with a purpose. However, where the anger once was greed had taken residence. She had been contracted for 5 years, and she wanted to leave with every credit she could. Not many scroungers completed their contracts, but those that did often lived the rest of their lives comfortably. Some settled down, others used the funds to reintegrate into society. Greed drove her, made her mean in some regards. The anger flared up occasionally when other scroungers tried to take contracts that she wanted, but she mostly played nice. 

The job had changed her physically too. One needed to be in good shape to work an MMU efficiently. Her height put her at a natural disadvantage; smaller MMU pilots were able to thrust easier, brake easier, and get around obstacles easier without cutting. Most of her down time was spent exercising, the scroungers had a gym that was free to use at any time. Over time, her body morphed from soft around the edges from her time in the city to a hard springy muscle bound machine. Yoga was her go to to ensure she remained limber and flexible. Every little thing about her body had to be considered since she started working as a scrounger. She kept her hair short, oftentimes buzzed completely, to keep it from getting in her face and to free up space in her helmet. She also had the piercings and metal based tattoos removed from her body, less metal means less materials that can build a charge or be affected by electro-magnets inside the ships. 

So Eliza works as a scrounger, cutting apart leviathan carcasses of ships to earn a living that she might never get to live. She is into the third year of her contract, and things are working out well for her. Too well, the universe is a grand scale with a balance to be maintained. An equalizer is heading to the belt, and Eliza has no idea what’s coming.

[kpopchangedme]

Im Jaebeom | Pregnancy!au [M]

Jaebeom read so many baby-related books he's forgotten how to enjoy some simple pleasures... (Oh, and you are obviously cranky and hormonal but he knows better than to tell you that!)

Protagonists: Im Jaebeom & You

Word Count: 2.4k

Genre: NSFW - Newly Weds - Romance - Angst - Pregnancy - Pregnancy sex- Smut || [Drabble 2k]

Prompts: “I can’t help the fact that I’m so goddamn moody all the freaking time” + “Should have gotten a puppy.” [Anon]

Lyly's note: Is this sexy pregnancy!au worthy of Things I Wish I Knew or what? lol. Pregnant ladies, go get some! ;)

GOT7 | M.list

You let out a loud swear, stepping on a phone charger someone has somehow abandoned in the middle of the living room. It freaking hurts, like a tiny torture device, tore the sensitive skin of your foot. Of course, when you sit on the couch to examine it, it looks perfectly fine. 

“Should've gotten a damn puppy,” You curse again under your breath, unreasonably livid. 

Instantly, the guilty party's head pops out of the doorframe to his office. “Honey!” Jaebeom considers you from head to toe in outrage, “The Shrimp has ears.”

That's his thing now that the third-semester started; obsessing about auditory development and what the baby is able to hear. Swears, news coverage of dramatic events and loud quarrels are strictly prohibited. He plays music whenever he has the chance, boasting about how you are growing a music whiz. 

Ever since he read his first damn pregnancy book, Jaebeom turned into a helicopter daddy-to-be, always hovering to make sure you are doing everything right. At the end of the third prenatal visit, he decided on moving his whole studio at home to work and mommysit – as he calls it.

By the time he was done with the fourth pregnancy book, you felt like nothing but an incubator to his spawn. That's not exactly what you wished your first year of life together would feel like. But then again, you didn't plan on getting pregnant on your honeymoon, the first time you two ditched contraception. It happened very fast. Everyone called it a blessing and you did too for a while, you were elated. Right until you started to lose your hair and struggle with acne like a damn teenager… Now it varies daily, you are either excited or scared shitless, in high spirits or easily irritable, you can't tell before it shifts. Overbearing, Jaebeom has gotten better than yourself at reading your daily disposition.

When you glare at him, he straightens worryingly in the doorframe, partly to blame for your current mood. “Don't look at me!” You snap in exasperation, still rubbing the sole of your aching foot. “Can you stop looking at me like that?”

He risks taking a few steps in your general direction, expertly assessing the situation, “Like what?”

"Like I’m a ticking bomb; like I'm gonna start yelling at you any second!” Freezing in the middle of the place, he presses his tongue to his cheek. You are almost shouting, but he knows better than to point that out.

“I’m not,” Jaebeom comes to sit by you guardedly. He makes sure not to maintain eye contact for too long, as though you're a dangerous fickle animal. "Did you hurt yourself?"

You hiss threateningly at the question but he still reaches for your perpetually bloated foot. Gently, he massages it, flashing you a dumb innocent smile. Still sullen, you at least allow him to do that much.

Fine, you do not completely hate having your man work from home. 

“I can’t help the fact that I’m so goddamn moody all the freaking time...” 

“Moody?” You cross your arms over your chest and Jaebeom chuckles, shaking his head. “You're the living definition of serene honey... You're the best. I love you.”

“Shuddup.” Groaning at the fake compliment, you offer your second foot after a minute of pampering, slightly appeased. “Stop trying so hard, it turns me into a cliché bitch.” You don't miss Jaebeom’s grimace at the word, but he isn't brave enough to correct you again. “Tell you what, if the baby's first word is a swear... I’ll do everything you ask of me for a year.”

"Everything? A whole year?” Raising his eyebrows suggestively, Jaebeom leans in for a lengthy kiss. “You know I can't say no to a promise like that. I would abuse that power, I’m quite imaginative.” You laugh against his mouth, sliding your arms around his neck for him to linger a little longer. Your hub has one hell of a gift, he can always change your mood, even on the worst days. That being said, you're always in the mood for some sexy time with him lately. You just have limited positions and flexibility. “I might teach the Shrimp your favourite cusses just to win that privilege.”

“You wouldn't dare.”

Laughing, Jaebeom sits back but you follow, managing to climb him without difficulty. It's clear he has started something with his massage, stirred your desire. “I’m not done,” he warns pointlessly, not talking about you, "I'm working hard." He points his chin to the studio, but you don't climb down. There's no way he believes you will let him go back to his office right now.

“Very hard yeah,” chuckling, you pull at the collar of his shirt, “Mister Producer.” He breaks the kiss to get rid of the piece of clothing himself, eager to entertain your favourable disposition. Some sacrifices are harder to make than others, and taking a break from work for quick sex is a no brainer. Your hands roam his shoulders, even after all this time you still can't get enough. “Did you save it?” Nudging your nose to his, you pull away to throw your loose gown over your head. 

Jaebeom groans, already expertly unhooking your bra, “Of course I saved, but I’ll need to get back to it...” His mouth explores your neck and you throw your head back, savouring every single one of his kisses. “Feeling better?” He hums, lightly sucking your skin and you moan. Fine, having your man work from home is the best damn thing that ever happened to you. At your natural response, Jaebeom cups your swollen breasts, thumbs rubbing circles on your areolas. 

“Shit.” Instantly, he shushes in disapproval making you laugh. You lean into him as much as your 29 weeks belly allows. “I can't help myself, I'm too sensitive.”

“I can see that baby,” Jaebeom marvels as his constant stroking of your nipples makes your thighs jerk. “I read third-semester’ orgasms are incredibly intense...” You rise to your knees to slide his fleece jogger pants down, smoothly freeing his erection. These darn books sure reveal some useful information sometimes… “What do you think?”

“Oh, how would I possibly know that?” He stops altogether, freezing under you at the joke. Barely two days prior, you finished twice before he did – very expressively – but still, he hesitates. For a man as skilled as he is, it sure is easy to make him question himself. Jaebeom is contemplating his life, a dubious look on his face when you take his cock in your palm. His eyes shut, goosebumps spreading on his body at your touch. Smirking, you stroke him leisurely, “I guess you’ll have to keep working hard so we can find out.” You say that but really, you’ve been so hypersensitive lately, he could make you reach your high without even trying.

“You know...” Opening his eyes lazily, Jaebeom frowns; “I'm not sure how I feel… About the Shrimp is hearing all our sexy talk...” It's your turn to stop everything.

Oh no, he did not just say that… Not after all the stuff he put you through!

“I swear to God, Im fucking Jaebeom! I let you have your way until now; I gave up caffeine, cheese and fish…” Suddenly livid, you start checking things off of your fingers. “You are worried of dumb stuff you read about despite the doctor's best opinion... So, I let you hire a cleaning service; I stopped driving myself around and dyeing my hair; I allowed you to post our ultrasounds all over your socials; I didn't say anything when you sent the cats away to your mom's…” His mouth is open in awe as you angrily go on. He's clearly racking his brain to find out what he said wrong. Him and his stupid pregnancy obsessions. “But this... This is where I draw the fucking line Jaebeom. If you stop making love to me because it creeps you out... Honest to God, I will murder you. I don't care what the baby hears. The doctor said it was safe. I want sex, I need sex. Give me sex, or I'll destroy you.”

“Honey,” Jaebeom bites his lips, struggling to conceal his amusement, “I wasn’t saying we should stop. It doesn't bother me like that...” His right palm rubs your lower back in repetition to ease you. “I was just wond–”

“I don't care what you wonder about,” you interrupt, still down, “just do me.”

Before Jaebeom can fully laugh at you flaring over nothing again, you're kissing him roughly, intended on getting your way. Wriggling under you to get to a better angle, he doesn't seem too affected, simply enjoying the hormonal rollercoaster ride. One of the actual perks of your pregnancy is being in the mood quickly and it's more than just your desire, it's physical too. Something that is undeniable when his hand finds its way between your legs. You're ready for him already, wet and messy. Though you rock into his palm briefly, there's only one thing on your mind right this instant. 

You don't want to wait any longer to feel him inside you. You use Jaebeom's shoulder as a fulcrum to position yourself, raising on your knees and he helps, holding his cock as you gradually sink down. Once you're sitting back on him on the couch, filled, you pause, dropping your forehead to his. Eye to eye, out of focus, Jaebeom pecks your lips tenderly. His hands caress your belly on their way to the side of your thighs. That's enough to make you soft all over again. The power that man holds over you knows no limit. Careful, you rise, rocking your hips forward to add friction before sliding back down. This lazy back and forth goes on for a while and every time you fall down and your ass meets his thighs with a clap, you feel like breaking. 

“Okay?” Jaebeom mumbles, using his strength to firmly guide you upwards. You're thankful for his help because you're heavy and tired. You nod, letting out a weird throaty sound when he fills you up once more.

Jaebeom chuckles, entertained by your acute senses and unusual reactions. Sliding on the large couch to lay, he makes sure you follow closely, riding him. From this position, he can take better control, raising his hips to slam into you. You coo when he does, hovering above to let him have his way. You're already too taken by so little. There's a gentle thud in your belly at the shift of position but Jaebeom doesn't seem to feel the baby stir, awakened by your unrest. Thank God, because the last thing you want right now is for him to stop or slow down. It's not something abnormal or new at all, but now that the baby's movements are getting more noticeable from the outside, you wouldn't be surprised if it messed up with Jaebeom's sexy groove. In the dark, he picks a swift pace, thrusting faster but lighter, making sure to stretch this moment for as long as you both can.

Yet, you're shaky and unfocused, unable to calm yourself. Way too fast, you come undone, overwhelmed by the friction and pleasure. Ecstatic, you drop on your hands, on all fours, as your intense orgasm washes through you. Aware you're peaking already, Jaebeom maintains his rhythm, breathlessly laughing at your shortage of stamina. Sure, he was right, pregnancy orgasms are amazing but they also come almost unannounced and are ridiculously exhausting.

Losing the smile, Jaebeom frowns in concentration, probably trying to finish too. After a whole minute, you're still being carried by your own paroxysm, core quavering when his hips halt altogether. Sighing deeply, he cums in spurts inside you, letting go probably more hastily than he would have wanted to. He's a team player. He knows you won't be able to handle him for long after oversensitivity hits you.

Afterwards, you both stay like that for a moment – as one – trying to repossess yourselves. Some days, it's like you're an entirely different person. Food doesn't taste the same, you yell at your caring husband over nothing and your orgasms are absurdly drawn-out. 

“Hey,” Jaebeom speaks up after an eternity and you take it as a cue to pull away, letting him fall out of you, “that was very quick. Are you alright, was it good?” Typical of him lately, being so overly concerned, you snort. Reaching for the tissue box on the coffee table, he offers them up so you can clean yourself. Still overpowered, you nod, laying back naked on the couch to do so.

What a sight it must be, a stranded whale in the middle of his living room.

Jaebeom doesn't seem to see that though. Transfixed, he positions himself to comfortably kiss and hold your heavy belly. His fingers linger, tracing patterns over the stretched skin. “What about you Shrimp?” He asks mouth pressed to the bump, tickling. “How are you doing?” Sure enough, the baby rolls, following the sound of his familiar reassuring voice. 

“We definitely woke her up”, you announce casually, grabbing one of his hands to position it better. Now that it's over, hopefully, he won't mind or get weirded out by that idea. “And you’ll need another nickname, we're both getting huge.”

“Sorry,” Jaebeom apologizes with adoration when there's a more obvious kick. To him, his baby girl's tumbling never gets old. To you neither, but it's a different sensation entirely. Whispering in confidence, he adds, “You'll always be a shrimp to me." At the words, you can't help the flutters you feel, not from the baby. When he looks up this time, Jaebeom doesn't seem as apprehensive of your reaction. You're on the magical post-coital cloud of happiness, together. “What?” If it could, your heart would physically expand from emotion at the sight, swelling with unconditional love. As an only answer, you run a hand through his locks and he cutely grins. “Shrimp, I think we're safe for now. I don't think mommy wants to murder daddy anymore...”

“Daddy needs to get over himself,” you dramatically roll your eyes, smiling, “he knows mommy loves him, no matter what…”

GOT7 | M.list

[agentstein]

                     general verse

tl;dr:

Sam was saved by Frank and David on the rooftop where he should have died. he spends about a year and a half recovering in the “dungeon”, as he so calls it, and re-enters society after many months on his own simply sitting and watching security cameras. he does not come out unscathed, however --

a few raised scars make his flexibility, especially in the abdominal region, limited. there are a couple raised scars on his throat and damage to his vocal cords caused him to go mute for many months -- he worked on his speech every day, though, without proper physical therapy and medicine, and he managed to walk away with a soft-spoken, gravel-toned harsh stage whisper. he suffers from nightmares and c-ptsd, and has resorted to alcoholism once again after having been sober in the few months leading up to his “death”.

it was too easy to reintegrate into society and this overwhelms him in a way. it reinstills the idea in his insecure mind that he’s insignificant and he may as well have remained “dead”. currently, he works as your run of the mill security guard, though tends more often than not to fall asleep at his desk -- he’s used to watching security cameras now, since having bunked with David and Frank, and it’s boring security work in a boring warehouse.

alternatively:

for those Frank Castle’s or David Lieberman’s (should i find one) that would rather stay out of Sam’s general verse (as i understand, those who play canon characters are not always keen on being featured in another’s backstory unless it’s 100% canon), then Sam was rescued by a nomad group. he still recovered in secret, rehabilitated himself, and works as a security guard in a boring warehouse now -- but Frank and David were not the ones to save him and help him recover. if you play either one of these characters, expect me to come into your IM’s before an interaction to be certain of how you feel on the situation. i don’t want to force anything!

for those interested in a more elaborate verse description, please feel free to read more below.

the events on the rooftop should have killed him, and in many ways it did. the blood that poured from his throat and stomach was nothing compared to the heart-breaking screams for help from Madani above him as he stared up at her frightened face. the blood on her features causes him panic in what he figures are his last moments on earth with the woman, but he soon realizes the blood is his own, and it eases his mind-- she was relatively safe at this moment, but she was not safe as a general rule. he’s desperate as he tries to choke out the words: “It’s Russo.”  he pleads in his head. “It’s Russo and he’s killed me and he’s going to kill you too.”  he hasn’t the energy to fight any longer . . . it’s wearing thin and eerie calm washes over him as Madani holds him against her. “I love you!”  he shouts in his head, reaching up with weak hands to cradle her face. “I love you so much.”

when he wakes, he’s in a damp and musty . . . warehouse? garage? dungeon? there’s pain shooting through every goddamned fibre of his being, and Sam tries to make a noise -- his throat is dry, pained, and only a cracked wheeze escapes. the last thing he remembers seeing is Dinah, and he can’t help the panic that startles him upward. the pain in his stomach and neck promptly throws him back down with tears in his eyes and nausea flushing him cold. he’s never felt such pain in his entire life. he’d been injured during missions, but nothing like this. he’d never come back from the dead before.                                                                                      “  whoa there, big guy. ”

the voice is familiar, but he can’t place a name or face to the tone -- it isn’t until his eyes focus properly and his brain registers the man towering above him that recognition finally comes flooding back. the punisher. this was it -- he must be deceased. and if he wasn’t, he was certainly about to be. a whimper stutters out of him, voice lost before it can even try to crawl up and on to his tongue. the beast of a man reaches out to steady him, large paws on either shoulder to keep him down. the fear in Sam’s eyes must be readable, because Frank merely puffs a heavy sigh, nodding his head toward another before finally stepping away.

David is a little more kind to the injured man than Frank is, though they’re both very patient with him and they both take special care to ensure that Sam knows they haven’t brought him here to kill him or keep him captive. they want to help him. they want to help him through his rehabilitation -- because Sam can’t do this alone. but he’s part of the Funeral Club now. the Walking Dead, as Sam liked to joke, but Frank and David didn’t find it as funny as he did. nobody else was capable of helping Sam, when Sam wasn’t among the living.

the injuries Sam sustained on the rooftop were not easy to overcome -- it took some time before Sam was able to move and twist much without shooting pains in his abdomen . . . but it took far longer for his voice to recover. and even when he was able to finally speak again, his vocal cords had sustained such damage that his voice was strained. gravel. soft-spoken and more like a stage whisper than anything. various raised scars adorn his stomach, as well as two gnarly scars raised on his throat.

as time went on, life went on as well -- David had gone home to his family, and Frank was on the run again. stay here as long as you need, David had told him, and Sam took him up on the offer. after all, David had taught him more than enough to get by on his own if needed -- how to work the equipment and cameras. the security and how to remain unseen and unidentified. Frank was good at that too -- helping him create personas . . . and even though Sam appreciated it more than he could express, there was no sense in wasting a name to a face that others already knew. so after a year on his own, in the musty dungeon he had called his home, Sam left. reintroduced himself into society.

it was easier than he had originally anticipated.

he wasn’t one of those faces -- one of those people that others remembered. it was easy enough to simply wear a scarf and let people believe he was simply a soft-spoken man. it was almost overwhelming, how easy it was for him to walk the streets without anyone knowing who he was, or what had happened to him, or where he had been for over a year. it was even pathetically easy enough for him to land a lazy job. working security for an even lazier organization. it wasn’t Homeland . . . but it was something to sustain him. something that paid for his tiny bachelor apartment with just enough left over for beers and ramen noodles.

[gg-astrology]

Hello~~ 😇 Im not 100% sure youre accepting requests at this point of time or if youve already had this request, but would you be interested in talking about Haechan’s chart?? 😇💖 Thank you in advance and I hope you have a nice day/night!! 🌸🌼

Hey there! 💕💕💕 I don’t think I’ve gotten a request for him yet (and to be honest I don’t really ksdajnfak know him im sorry ;;;) but I’ll be willing to look into it briefly?? 💕💕

[Below Cut: NCT Haechan Brief Look ]

Gemini Sun | Leo Moon | Cancer Mercury | Gemini Mars/Venus

First of all let’s address those Geminis

Natural mood-maker, often times Geminis don’t get praised enough for being the oil in their friendship group. 

They (Geminis) are like extroverted Libras, although Geminis themselves don’t have to be extroverted themselves– they do try to expand their range of abilities so it exposes them to different groups of people

With his Leo Moon he may tend to be more of a ‘sit back and snark’ type of dude (in combination to his Gemini Venus/Mars)

The kind of person who always has a quip, or something to say to tease/engage with others

Gemini sense of humour is kind of sharp, often playful. They can be blunt if you’re not prepared for it, because they tend to say things as it is.

Approach to resolving an issue are often straight-forward, like if there’s a problem then they work through it as a group. It doesn’t need to be more complicated than it is (Gemini stellium)

Leo/Cancer shows an affectionate nature. Inside the person is a soft gooey core that can sometimes ‘go too far’ with their teasing nature and would have to make it up to others.

They’re experts at making people forgive them, whatever it is they did– Leo/Cancer are great at peering down at your face and making you come cuddle them instead (whiney sometimes)

On the other hand, needs private attention/care given to them. Most of their exterior personality has to do with facilitating others (responding to others, engaging with them, showing them off) but the interior is softer, more prone to doubt and a little bit harsher/more critical than most (needs to be soothed, pulled out of themselves)

It’s mostly that dynamic between Leo/Cancer and the Gemini he has. On one hand, Gemini becomes his release to his inner tension. Sun-Venus (conjunct in Gemini) shows adept/loving social relationships, often naturally popular these people tend to not mince around with what they dread and what they’re good at (complainers too, but often don’t stay stuck in funk for long)

Sun-Mars shows great physicality, most of it has to do with engagement with the physical body/movement. With Gemini, a lot of anxiety/tension is released through working out/moving. Some Geminis might take time to come to this result, since they may be prone to verbal combustion instead of trying to take it out physically (*this is for other Gemini placements to look out for)

Sun-opposition-Pluto (Gemini-Sagittarius) shows change in location, or often having to travel a lot and thus the vitality might get drained. It also takes a very subconsciously driven (emotional response, sometimes spitefulness) to challenges. These people can overcome challenges well enough, but their emotionality needs to be considered too (prone to getting drained, feeling inner tension, needs to release said tension)

Moon-opposition-Neptune (Leo-Aquarius) can make a person pretty moody, I mean Geminis are already kind of moody, but with Leo it’s more of a sulky moody. Needs time alone/away from people, but too much isolation like that can affect the person as well. Makes them awkward sometimes when they come back into the spotlight, might doubt their support/ability/others but it’s nothing big– he has a lot of good vitality placements to get back into gear easily (bounce back)

Mercury-opposition-Lilith (Cancer-Capricorn) – runs his mouth, might lose control of what he’s saying and ends up hurting others. Most of the time it also points to a sharper mind, a more serious manner than he lets on. But because of the duality between his exterior persona (Gemini) versus his internal person (Leo/Cancer) it’s like– sometimes other people’s reception to it aren’t the best.

On the other hand it also points to a flexible and adept speaker, often has power in his speech/voice/communication. Able to manipulate or shift the conversation quickly. It can also be alluring to hear for others, with Lilith  aspecting Mercury, his strength comes from what he pursues long term (Cancer-Capricorn) and manifesting those outside. 

Alot more stability minded than he lets on, part of that has to do with Leo. Looks out for people and is capable of being protective over others, he doesn’t really mind reprimanding someone, but would rather not be in the position/be expected to do so (autonomous being– Gemini)

Imagine a Capricorn’s snark, his Leo is kind of like that. Snarky, lovable boy. 

Other aspects: Venus-opposition- Pluto points to someone who may engage with others in a roundabout/challenging way. As much as he likes to tease, he also has to carefully learn his limits. Often times, he may take things too far (Gemini/Sagittarius) and ends up regretting it immediately (if he shows remorse)

Jupiter-conjunct-Saturn - this is what im talking about, his duality. The saving grace. Jupiter points to idealization, hope, wishes for society (to have, earned, become) and Saturn points to challenges they have to overcome, cautions, ‘if you dare then do it’ attitude. Having them conjunct in Taurus points to a hard worker, often determined but emotionally inclined. Sensual, may like to touch (especially with Cancer/Leo) supportive and reassuring to others (Taurus is Venus ruled) and often looking to have a good, white-picked fence stable income in the future. 

I barely know anything about him so I hope this is ok 💕 I just checked his birthdate/place, but I hope this is good for you 💕  

[nbnezumi]

25-30 w ALL ur dnd charas plus Marshall

im gonna limit it to the ones that have been posted on here because 5x3 is 15 and LONG and also some of them just arent that developed. under a cut because, again, long

25. Favorite animal?

azgen- Oh You Know 🐀

cléon- birds in general, but particularly big colorful ones

marshall- cows because he just thinks theyre neat

26. Expansion of civilization or the preservation of nature?

azgen- they just want things to stay balanced overall, like expanding is fine if its not hurting anything

cléon- definitely preservation of nature, she grew up surrounded by nature and values it for both its necessity to her work back home and because it was here first dont be rude

marshall- expansion of civilization kind of by necessity, like its not safe for most people outside of the domes so in order to have everyone live somewhere safe they need to push outwards

27. They’re at a tavern. They bump into a big burly angry drunk with a combative attitude. What happens?

azgen- 💪💪🐀 but only if the other person actually physically starts the fight

cléon- apologizes and offers to buy them a drink/share her snack to settle things down

marshall- since he bumped into the other person he would say sorry and try to continue whatever he was doing, but if they tried to start something he would say lets take this outside and then after walking out the front door he would just keep walking and leave and go home

28. What do they do between quests?

azgen- azgens been running a fairly successful business for about a century and is not gonna let a little jail time and a move get in the way of that. its pretty much just for fun/hobbies at this point though because adventuring makes a lot of $$$ (that we left on that goblin island because i dont know how factories work but they should be compensated for their work! i hope theyre doing ok...)

cléon- shes entirely out of her depth and is doing the adventure equivalent of nodding and saying yeah when you didnt hear the other person, so shes gonna spend a good while meeting everyone and exploring. she likes to draw maps so she probably draws one of the core/surrounding area

marshall- even before switching to office work it was pretty similar, like monster hunting and desk jobs are stressful in their own rights so a lot of it is stuff that relaxes him... read a book, work on a jigsaw puzzle, play with the gerbils... but also because too much of that is boring he definitely took the car outside and did some things of questionable legality 

29. Biggest positive and negative influences on their life and development?

azgen- positive, well both kids were troublemakers but they had a very patient mentor who put up with a lot of their shit until they figured out that actually sometimes learning is cool and actually got down to it. another positive i actually would count is getting arrested because otherwise theyd still be in that hermit hut and i think meeting a bunch of new friends and getting a big ol prophecy is a better direction for life. negative, since there were two of them and they basically did all the same stuff they ended up dividing up/prioritizing things differently which after they werent together anymore left azgen not being able to read common/swim/cook well/etc... also the Chicken Incident which scared both of them so much they still cant face a chicken in the flesh. this cant be used as a weakness against each other just based on the fact that one of them would have to get close enough to one to move it/put it in a trap/confirm its a chicken. and of course the whole gun thing is also a big negative.

cléon- positive, she has a very caring and supporting family! especially her older sister who took her on trips when she was younger and helped her get into music, and her mom who raised her to be polite but take no shit. learning to play an instrument also was a positive because it gave her a good creative outlet which shed been needing for a while. negative, she lived kind of in the middle of nowhere as a young kid and didnt really have perspective or exposure to much, and shes had a lot of responsibility re: her younger sisters handed down after her older sister moved to the city which she didnt really have a chance to get away from unless shes working.

marshall-i dont have a lot of his deeper backstory official yet because i know were supposed to do the shared history bits and ive been planning to get those and then work from there + my skeleton to get the big picture? i get stepping on toes anxiety about storywriting too though so this is partially that sorry. i do figure though that monster hunting as a profession would be a general negative just since its pretty dangerous and doing that as a paid job for a company like with a schedule would be more stressful/less flexible than just doing it freelance. positive, since hes got a less fatal job at the moment hes had a good amount of me time and has got himself right, as much as one can when they live in a dome and probably will go back to hunting monsters in the future. he might have to leave the gerbils with his cousin so he calls her twice a month to make sure she remembers how to take care of them, and also to watch movies. that counts as positive because they have a good time and im running out of things to say!

30. Would they smooch a ghost? 

azgen- they have to meet the same standards as any other person but the fact that theyre a ghost wouldnt get in the way

cléon- shed have to understand how someone can exist as a ghost and just how dead they actually are but she would be 

marshall- it might be a little weirder than bigfoot but yes you know it

[astrorarepairs]

untitled

A few things abt this: 1) i havent edited this so iapologize if there are parts that arent grammatically correct/dont make sense 2) this takes place during the historical period when korea was still ruled by Kings and Queens but i didnt do much research on it ddjf 3) *spoiler * its angst 4) lowkey wanted to title this as love in the moonlight bc i wanted to watch that drama while writing this

~

The midnight bell rings from the high tower inside the palace walls for all of Cheongju to hear. It’s loud and daunting, a useless reminder to the citizens of Korea to be in bed by now or be punished. The only ones who hear the midnight bell are the royal guards, who do their nightly rounds on the streets to catch anyone who roams about with suspiciousness, even though every civilian would never dare to. Only a fool would dare to put their entire life and family for a mere walk in the moonlight.

Minhyuk considers himself smarter than a fool, which might explain why he hasn’t been caught all this time. He runs in the shadow of the night and has enough experience to make not a single sound as he sneaks. His small stature and flexibility allows him to sneak in the smallest and cramp places when he hears the step of royal guards coming his way. So he doesn’t think he considers himself a fool to be caught.

He continues to run and turn at every corner, away from his small home where his family are asleep, unknown about his fortnightly activities and where he’s headed. He feels a pang of guilt at the possible thought they might wake up and find him gone, worried and scared for them and their son but it fuels him with even more determination to not get caught. He follows the complicated path he knows by heart.

He walks closer and closer to the outskirts of the cityand clings to the stone wall, careful not to reveal his figure or make too much noise. He stops walking when he’s reached a certain point and feels the figures and random pattern of the stones that barricade the palace. He listens carefully for any incoming footsteps and when the coast seems clear, he steps back into the woods and climbs the first tree he reaches.

He counts the number of branches he climbs until he stops at the fifth branch. He carefully drags himself to the end of the branch without rustling the tree too much. He stops until the near end where his feet barely reach the end of the stone wall and he’s a few feet away from a lit room. A shadow comes into view and scans the room before coming closer to the window.

Moon Bin is dressed in a sleeping outfit that has too much expensive and long layers for Minhyuk’s taste and has a worried look on his face as he looks at him. He’s wide eyed, scanning for any sign of movement that might find out their secret meeting and Minhyuk’s fondness for him grows as he watches the royal prince.

 “My love,” The prince pants when he finally turns to look at him with worried eyes. His heart skips a beat at the name. “Are you okay? No one seemed to follow or see you right?”

“I’m fine Bin, but have some faith in me. I’ve been doing this for the past two years. I know the path by heart and I know my heart will never betray me.” He gives him a warm smile.

“I apologize, things have been rather tense in the palace and my father has been requesting for more guards to roam around. You know your safety means everything to me, and the mere act of you doing this m-“

“Makes me so worried.” Minhyuk finishes sentence for him. He’s heard Bin repeat the same guilty confession more than a hundred times. His words are forever itched into his mind, bringing him guilt and worries of his own on nights he can’t sleep. “I know your heart and concern my prince and it is in my best concerns that you don’t get a heart attack from worry every time that we meet. We could always go back to writing letters as we did in the past.”

Moonbin turns into a shade of pink and firmly shakes his head. “As selfish as I am, I much prefer being able to see you like this.” Even though we can never touch each other. Minhyuk finishes his sentence again. He ignores the pain in his heart and smiles at him. 

“I miss you.” He confesses. He doesn’t want to talk about their fears and the dangers of their relationship. They have limited time before the sun rises and he has to run back home without being noticed he was missing. They cannot spend their precious time of meeting full of tears and sobs (they once did cry, six months into their routine, when the king had forced Moon Bin’s sister to be wed off and Minhyuk’s family shop wasn’t doing so well. A royal servant, Eunwoo, had heard the prince’s cries outside of his room and asked what was wrong. They quickly resolved their fight and promised to never fight again).

“I missed you too,” He flashes him a smile. His eyes turn into crescents and his shoulders relax and he knows he means the truth. “I know it’s only been two weeks since we last saw each other, but it feels like been an eternity.”

“I’m here now. Tell me what’s on your mind.“

“A lot.” He sighs. “Father’s been busy meeting with other officials and generals from other kingdoms to discuss on dealing with the outburst of thieves that’s been rumored to be coming from the South forest. More important people in the palace means more guards lurking around, hence why I was so worried about you being caught. Good news is I made another friend, like you told me to! He’s one of the servant’s, his name is Sanha.” He crosses his arms and gives him a proud smirk.

“How old is he?” The crown prince’s falls and stutters out a reply that’s too low for him to hear. He puts his hand toward his ear, knowing it irks him. “What was that?”

“H-he’s seven.” He repeats, loud enough for the other to hear. “B-but he’s great! He’s a great listener, we have nice conversations, and he plays games with me!”

“That’s because you’re probably his only playmate other than his mother.”

“He still counts as a friend! You didn’t add in any specifications to your request!” Well, he got him there.

Minhyuk sighs, knowing he couldn’t win an argument against his hotheaded boyfriend. “Alright then, you, although didn’t really-“

 “You’re fault for not specifying on your definition of friends!” Moon Bin defended and stuck out his tongue at him. Minhyuk merely rolled his eyes at his childishness.

 “I congratulate you Prince Moon Bin, crown prince of Cheongju, for successfully executing the difficult task I had given you last week.” Minhyuk bowed did a silent clap, dramatizing his achievement. Bin was relishing in the moment and enjoyed listening to him admitting defeat. “How do you wish for us to celebrate this extravagant new accomplishment of yours, your royal highness?”

Moon Bin hummed in his glory and began to think, stroking his imaginary beard. Minhyuk could only sigh internally and dread for the worst possible activity he would possibly be told to do. After a few seconds, he looked at the window to find him thinking seriously about it. He found the sight of his partner in all seriousness and deep in thought a cute sight and wonders if he’s the only few who’s able to see this childish, stubborn and proud side of Bin. He wonders if this is the side of Bin that the public only knows, the one that makes everyone in the land praise and respect him so highly. He wonders if he’s the only few who’s able to see childish, stubborn and proud side of Bin. wonders if this is what Moon Bin looks like when he’s in meetings or what he generally looks like in the daytime, going over royal duties (he avoids the thought of being able to be by his side in the daytime and how nice that would be).

“I want to touch you.”

The words are enough to break Minhyuk out of his thoughts and his breath hitch. His playful smile is gone and he looks at him with a sad gaze. His heart aches remembering the fact that they’ve never been able to had any physical contact with each other despite having been together for two years. He supposes it was one of the consequences of dating the crown prince when he was a mere tailor’s son. The closest type of contact they’ve ever had was making eye contact while he was washing clothes by the river and Bin was horseriding in the same forest.

“B-bin,” He swallows the lump in his throat, wanting so desperately to reach out and hold him, to hold his hand, to kiss him, to initiate any sort of contact with the man he’s so much in love with. But he can’t and it pains him so much to admit it.

The full moon and stars glimmer brightly tonight, as if waiting for them to be caught in the forbidden act and spread the sight to everyone. The moonlight shines so bright and Minhyuk has an idea. He holds back his tears and smiles at him. “And so we shall.”

He holds out his hand into the moonlight, stretches out just enough for a shadow of his hand to appear on Bin’s window sill. He understands his idea and holds out his own into the moonlight, moving it around until his hand’s own shadow is in the same position as Minhyuk’s is. They stay like that for a while, moving their fingers around to try and get the shadows to show their intertwined hands.

The gesture is a terrible attempt of fulfilling his request and holds the same meaning as an empty promise. They look at each other and see guilt and love stare right back at each other. It’s not enough, nor will it ever be enough to fulfill Moon Bin’s and his own desire. But for now, as the birds chirp in sign of dawn coming and as the moon starts to set, as they quietly say ‘I love you’s to each other, before Minhyuk departs and races against dawn, it will have to be enough.

wELL THAT WAS SAD!!!!!!!!!!!!! the last scene made me really sad i want them to be able to hold hands :(((((((((((((((((( prompt anon you write really well, my heart is so <///3 i felt the longing i felt the struggle ; - ;

this is really good prompt anon, im excited to see more of it if you’re going to continue it! im ready for more Pain

[obscuraxrp]

#ASKANADMIN: ROUND 1

Hello members, and welcome to the first volume of our #askanadmin compilations!

#askanadmin is a Discord channel dedicated to Q&A from the admin team, where we can quickly answer any minor, miscellaneous questions that come up for members. As it’s impractical to search the channel and not even available to all members and applicants by default, however, we (with great help from the lovely @obshyerin​) have taken the liberty of compiling all of these answers into tumblr posts for your ease of reference! For the most part, answers have been edited to include proper punctuation and grammar, but other typing quirks (such as emojis) are left in context.

We hope that these answers are useful to you, and remember, our inbox, IMs, and question channel are always open to questions!

— Obscura Admin Team

GENERAL/SETTING QUESTIONS

Given the use of silver in hunting and protection from some supernaturals, would it be more expensive or would it be cheaper and more widely available?

I would imagine that the demand for silver is higher with hunters needing it commonly, but in the same vein, I’m sure there are strong alchemical and other magical efforts made to produce more silver for those purposes. Hence, I would say that it’s possibly somewhat more expensive due to the increased demand, but there’s also an increased supply keeping that from being overwhelming.

Interestingly – silver is probably less common in jewelry in this world as well, since despite supernaturals having to be on the downlow… Businesses know they’d be losing some market if they make everything silver. :P Must have been harder being a vampire/were in the old days when they hadn’t figured out a lot of alternative metals to make things out of :V You’d have to wear gold jewelry mostly. These days there are lots of alloys that’re safe.

(Also if you’re buying silver for protection, beware of assholes scamming you with it. I’m sure that happens, because you know, it’s one of the few things that’s Known To Work.)

Does the same apply to the production of iron? Just wondering since it’s a very common metal used pretty much everywhere.

Iron is more common but in order for it to be effective against fae, it does have to be processed – raw iron doesn’t do the trick. Also if it’s mixed into other things, it loses effectiveness for that purpose.

But yeah, iron’s not something you have to worry about the price of, it’s the most common metal on earth in our world so it’s certainly still available enough

What do you mean by processed iron?

All iron that humans use has been forged; that’s what “saps” the magic from it and makes it dangerous to fae. According to legend, that’s how that works ouo but like, the raw iron ore in the earth isn’t dangerous. That’s what I meant!

But don’t people encounter processed iron more often in everyday life?

Definitely; gotta be careful of those wrought-iron fences! It takes a lot for just ambient iron to become a problem, though, and in a small area. Fae just have to be careful not to touch anything that’s made of actual iron, or it smarts pretty bad.

Bless the modern era of strong plastics and polymers, honestly! That’s probably part of what has fae interacting more and more with human culture; it’s becoming less danger-laced to do so.

Can I send my muses to universities that exist in real life?

Yes, that’s fine. Those things still exist.

Are there doctors that specialize in different species?

Probably! They wouldn’t be able to advertise that outright, but there are definitely fae doctors around especially, but also doctors/healing magic practitioners who know different species in depth. You’d mostly find them through word of mouth. Beast-blooded probably have the hardest time on this front, though, since there’s a pretty wide variety of them.

Are ghosts a thing in this universe? Like if my muse went ghost hunting, would they actually find something?

Ghosts do exist in some capacity, but generally you can only interact with them if you’re a witch and you know how to do that—you’re more likely to find daemons or fae playing poltergeist. Though you’re free to hunt ghosts regardless of if you find anything, you usually won’t find anything ghost hunting to begin with ww

Can healing/regenerative powers be ranked? Like if a person was to practice or be coached in how to make their healing faster could we spend points to improve that?

Yes!

So if you can spend points to increase healing capability, how would that work out in character? From what I understand it’s not something a muse consciously works on.

Sometimes there’s a concentrated effort on getting better at it (like, meditation type things? focusing on that innate magic in an effort to strengthen it), sometimes it happens naturally due to getting hurt a lot, sometimes it just…… happens.

What do you think would be the biggest difference between Rank IV and Rank V level healing? Like what would be a speed or property that serves like a cut off point?

I… I really don’t think I have an answer to that in simple terms? It seriously depends on the muse and how they style the ability. In general terms, a rank V indicates the best you could possibly be at something (species limitations in mind), whereas IV would have not quite have everything.

Can wards break? Specifically wards that are powered by a living being.

Generally wards lose power or ‘fade’ over time, with the time depending on the power and magic imbued into the ward or the power of the person that cast the ward. Wards can “break” suddenly under certain circumstances, but this is much less common. For instance, if there was some sort of “flaw” in the magic of the ward—it could either get “broken” by making contact with some other spell, or it could fall apart due to some other unforeseen trigger. Magic is rarely perfect in nature, so these flaws would not be unheard of by any means, simply that exploiting them would be somewhat rare as it’d be unpredictable as well. It’s also possible that a ward could be “broken” by counter-magic in general.

Is magic an internal power source, kinda?

Magic is very much metaphysical and born into living things, and things assigned meaning by living things. Humans have the greatest influence over it in a cosmic sense. Something without that “soul”, for lack of a better word, won’t be able to interface with magic unless magic is imbued into it. So yeah! I’m sure there are nice fancy expensive wards for detecting (fae) magic traces though.

RULES QUESTIONS

Can I be on a semi-hiatus? There are days I might be totally MIA because of work so my posting might be sporadic.

You’re allowed to post while on hiatus without penalty, so we don’t distinguish between full and semi hiatuses. You’re free to take a hiatus for safety and post if you can! Or just let us know if it happens that you can’t post for a full week, we’re pretty flexible as long as members keep in touch with us.

can we use non-asian fc’s? I know we’ve had non-korean faces, but what about non-asian entirely faces?

Yep, all fcs are allowed as long as they’re signed (not social media famous), alive, and over 18!

DRUGS QUESTIONS

How long does moonlily root/lunar dust stay in a were’s system & when does it start wearing off? it’s probably different for everyone based off of height & weight and stuff, but maybe there’s an average?

A: Depends on the dosage. Obviously too high of a dosage would result in an overdose, but smaller doses would wear off more quickly. I’d say the average for a medium sized dose for someone of average height and weight, it takes about 30 to 45 minutes. Larger doses that aren’t fatal could last up to 2 hours while a very small dose might last about 15 minutes.

What would happen if a were that’s agitated or high on lunar dust got a whiff of werenip? Would they just explode?

A: Generally mixing drugs is a bad plan. Likely they might get sick; since lunar dust is a upper and werenip is a downer, the drugs would clash quite strongly. So they might just cancel each other out, in a way, and result in the were laying on the floor with a terrible headache, stomach problems, and strong desire to kill but not move enough in order to do so.

H: Mixing uppers and downers is a really bad plan in general; might cause heart problems, seizures, even a coma, death is not unlikely… so in short: Not Recommended!

VAMPIRE QUESTIONS

Hypothetically, could a progeny kill their sire?

They… could, though I would say that is unlikely, since a sire could prevent that from happening via compulsion, and the pain link would be a bit of an issue.

Given that vamps have accelerated healing, would body modifications or major cosmetic surgery work or would their body forcefully heal those over and nullify whatever you were trying to do?

This can be done, but they would need to be sealed in with magic.

Can hell-drinkers go back to normal?

With approximately a bit more difficulty than ghouls going back to being human, yeah. As in, that might require chaining yourself in a basement for a few weeks/months at worst.

If someone becomes a vamp at a young age do they maintain the emotional maturity of that age forever? Like an eight year old just doesn’t have the mental capacity to understand some things, so would they maintain that or would they just mature as the years go by without physically maturing?

I am going to go with that they will mature with time, since the body is in stasis but the spirit is kept alive by magic? For child-vampires this may be more of an issue since the body never developed far enough—but for ones in the teens and on, they should mature in time. A lot of vampires don’t seem to mature though—not because they can’t, but because they get trapped in a mental stasis that’s kinda psychological in nature due to their body not changing. That’s just a character trait though. Vampires have some issues to deal with. Many cope with immortality by doing silly things like creating obtuse rule systems and imposing them on their progeny or something. Vampires. I’m rambling.

If a vampire shape shifts into a non-vampire creature (like a cat), would they still be weak to sunlight?

Yes. The nature of what they are doesn’t change.

Do vampires have reflections in this universe? Can they be recorded?

That’s a great question because I actually stole this answer from a great tumblr post. They do have reflections in newer mirrors, but not in old ones—due to the old ones having silver backing. Must be a trip when old vamps see an aluminum-backed mirror for the first time! But yes, they do appear in recordings!

Since vamps can be recorded in this verse, can someone live stream a vamp attack?

If millennial can do it, they will do it.

If a vamp lost a body part, big or small, while they’re young and have limited healing ability, could they regrow it years later when they’re much stronger?

Yes, assuming they can survive long enough without that body part. Vampires in a way represent stasis; given a bit of effort, they can almost always return to a previous form. Unless magic gets involved. That can change things.

FAE QUESTIONS

Do changelings have greater illusion?

Yes but it’s… kinda wonky? They almost look photoshopped, like “someone seems to have airbrushed some spikes off here”. No, not like “someone just stuck the wrong face on this body sloppily” level photoshop; it’s a bit more like “upon squinting that does not appear to be correct but I cannot put my finger on what is wrong; it just looks Wrong”.

What would happen if a fae ate another fae or any magical creature?

You know admittedly this is one of those things I haven’t put that much thought into. I mean as far as eating other species…. they probably taste funny…? May not be healthy depending on what we’re talking about here. Vampires are not tasty.

As far as cannibalizing a fae… it would probably be fine if the one eating it was a fae. If not, it’s gonna taste super weird and be fae madness central! (Also, this may not even be possible if the true form of that fae is something non-fleshy.)

What do fae smell like to people with advanced sense of smell? Do they smell like their alignment or is there a universal fae smell?

There is a universal “weird fae smell”, but the alignment smell would be stronger, so that scent would be caught first.

How long do binding contracts last with fae if unspecified? Can a fae lengthen a pre-existing contract if they wanted? Could they have multiple binding agreements with one or more people?

How long they last would depend on the power level of the fae and the strength of the agreement. For most fae, they won’t last that long, they’ll taper off after a few weeks/months/after the terms of the agreement have been reached. Powerful fae could make these bind for an extremely long time, though, through a person’s whole lifespan even.

Yes, fae can add onto a contract, and yes, they can have multiple bindings with one person. It’s most likely though that the agreements will become less powerful (less binding) if there are many of them!

If fae are immune to illness, are they vulnerable to fae-specific illnesses? Are those even a thing?

They’re immune to human illnesses (though they could potentially carry them) but yeah, they could get fae illnesses that may or may not be roughly equivalent of human illnesses.

since fae are saturated in magic would there be like… magical residue on their fingerprints if you understand what i mean like… a magic detector would be able to pick up traces of magic from their fingertips or w/e they touched–

I would say… probably yes? though those traces would be difficult to pick up without a very powerful magic detection ability!

is there like magical engineering devices crafted like has anyone/the government made machines that could detect magic/magical beings?  i know fae and their specific magic go against modern day machinery and all of that but??

There’s probably a spell for it, but technology that can detect magic in general is… pretty impossible to manufacture, for some odd reason, unless the tech is enchanted itself in some way. Probably because magic is a strictly… “spiritual” thing, for lack of a much better word? It can’t be manufactured mechanically; there has to be some sort of “living” component here.

WERE QUESTIONS

Can someone be a were-insect? A were-fish?

No, weres can’t take their animal form as an invertebrate; the biology would be way too different from their human form. Leave the insectoid stuff to the fae sphere! As for fish (including sharks), it’s possible, though extremely unlikely—they’d definitely have to live near the water, so…

Can someone be a were-pomeranian?

Were-animal forms shouldn’t be as specific as individual breeds, especially if those breeds only exist due to domestication. You could have a were-dog, but their animal form would look more like a wild dog (though they’d be able to communicate with a pomeranian) unless they specifically honed their shapeshifting to get a pomeranian form out of it. The same applies to individual breeds of cat, horse, cow, you name it; the most specific you should ever get is at the species level (ie, tiger versus lion), though the “general type of animal” level is generally sufficient.

the page on were’s says that “Weres are intensely burned by silver and weapons otherwise charmed to harm them.”, so does that mean they’re resistant to normal weapons or heal abnormally quickly from regular wounds?

They heal about twice as fast as a normal person from mundane wounds and feel ordinary amounts of pain from them. Silver weapons cause more pain (a burning sensation) and the wounds heal at a slowed rate.

Ooh so like if they got a paper cut, it’d be gone by the end of the day instead of taking two days?

Yep, something like that!

Do weres remember what they did on the night of a full moon the next day?

It probably depends on the were, honestly, whether it’s all a blur or they remember bits and pieces or what. I wouldn’t think that most of them remember perfectly since it’s such a primal thing, but I also wouldn’t think they’d forget entirely either, so.

If say, one were is shifted, while the other is human, would they be able to communicate still? Or would it possibly be only limited to weres of the same species?

Hmm, the communication would probably be difficult, but not as bad as trying to talk to a literal animal. Like… it’s a bit like if there’s a language barrier? One of you speaks the language fluently, but the other is conversational at best.

should a were have a silver earring that is completely silver, would it eventually fall out?

No, but they’d want to tear it out. Silver burns, but not badly enough to melt/disfigure the skin or anything like that. Injuries made by silver weapons are the same as injuries made by other metal weapons, they just hurt more and heal more slowly.

BEAST-BLOODED QUESTIONS

Were the (humanoid) ancestors of beast-blooded definitely human? Or could they have been something like a fae?

Probably a witch! They’d have had to be human, and since some heavy magic was involved in the birth of the beast-blooded themselves, I’d say they were witches.

Were the “beasts” fae, then?

The other creatures are… literally beasts, flesh-and-blood magical creatures that in this day and age are very rare, but may still exist somewhere. Once again, definitely not fae—fae are not truly biological and cannot reproduce sexually!

Would they have turned into beasts, or turned the beasts into humans, to reproduce with them?

Either way; it probably depends on the beast in question, but… trust me, given humans, someone is always “into that” in either direction.

Could a beast-blooded have hatched from an egg?

This seems very unlikely, but… as far as first-generation beast-blooded, the answer is a strong maybe. Beyond the first generation, the answer is no; beast-blooded are human.

WITCH QUESTIONS

So witches are basically the same as humans, just they more adept at magic?

Yep. Witches are just humans who’ve studied magic.

at what point do you draw the line between a witch and a normal human who happens to know how to perform some spells?

The line is more or less drawn when the character chooses to draw the line themself. Witches, generally speaking, have done a good bit of study, even if they’re self taught, significantly beyond a simple hobby level.

if witches can learn magic later on in life, is there a specific process they have to go through / do they have to attend classes for this kind of thing? or can they be self-taught like I picked up a book on magic at the library, it seems cool, I'ma dabble

Witches can be self taught, and humans can also dabble in magic without being witches! There is no specific process; it works differently for each person, just like how we all learn differently in reality.

HUNTER QUESTIONS

is it possible to play as a freelance/third-party affiliated hunter? or do we strictly have to stay within dsem/aequitas? if we can go freelance/third-party, what limitations would our muses have? what is deemed illegal/non-illegal behavior/actions for hunters?

Freelance/third-party hunters are acceptable, naturally, but bear in mind that it can be difficult to find hunting jobs as these types due to the stronger prevalence of the other factions. Third-party hunters likely have their own ways of getting resources and information; freelancers are going to have the hardest time here, and hence will most likely only be able to find paid hunting work in… rather shady dealings.

In general, even Aequitas’s work isn’t strictly legal, but officials are often willing to turn a blind eye in the case of actions related to hunting supernaturals if justification can be presented. Of course if hunting is a “hobby” for a muse and they don’t expect to make a living doing it, that can drastically change things—but ones who do it purely out of moral conviction are most likely to find a home in Aequitas! On the same note, remember that Aequitas hunters are loosely affiliated at best; a hunter in the guild may never so much as speak to other guild members apart from the times they need information or to buy wards or silver weapons. Aequitas is a guild, after all; while some of then may consider each other family, others barely interface socially at all.

would a hunter that hunts hunters still be considered a hunter or something else?

I mean if they want to call themself a hunter they can… but that sounds a bit like a serial killer. Not that a lot of hunters are much better, though…

can a human just be a regular human civilian? because all the humans I’m seeing on the mlist seem to be hunters.

Humans don’t have to be hunters, and hunters don’t have to be human. “Hunter” is an occupation, not a species.

SILLY QUESTIONS

(note: Helsing answers silly questions in utmost seriousness because they are completely devoid of humor.)

What would happen if a vampire bit a were?

Weres can’t be turned, and becoming a vampire is much more complicated than just biting. Only “humans” can be turned — where weres, fae, and vampires are considered “non-human” supernaturals, and witches and beast-blooded are considered “human” supernaturals.

Can my vampire shapeshift into a cockatoo?

… Yes.

Can weres get cones of shame?

I don’t see why not?

Do hunters have cone of shame devices that can like zap weres into being good?

I would not think….. that DSEM wants weres hunting under them. since they’re kinda anti-supernatural in the writing. Aequitas people can do….. whatever they want i guess as long as it’s not hurting innocents?

Are there otherkin who identify as supernatural? Are there beauty bloggers who do “supernatural looks”? Are supernaturals fetishized? Can you find spells on youtube? How does atheist youtube feel about that?

… The internet is, and always will be a deplorable place, in every universe. So yes. Go wild. (Within reason).

(As a note, I feel beast-blooded probably suffer the most from the fetishization aspect. Not all beast-blooded are sexy “nekomimi” types, but nor are they all huge freakish monsters from bad horror movies… though I’m sure that’s exactly what the internet would lead you to believe. Being such a varied species that exists on the line between human and not is hard.)

(And on the note of spells on youtube, I feel that there are some very angry activist witches trying to get people to stop doing just that because doing magic without understanding the first thing about magic is extremely dangerous.)

Male witches are cucks.

Please ask questions only.

Why are there no elves in Obscura?

Because elves are fae.

This is 100% a serious question but like…can a witch get cursed…to have tentacles? Like octopus tentacles?

yes.

if a fae doesnt know what a belly button is by the time they make their greater illusion… or nipples… 

The greater illusion comes naturally from the collective human unconscious of magic, don’t worry. Most fae won’t have that problem, though it may occasionally be an illusion flaw…

SILLY NSFW QUESTIONS

(beyond this point, these questions and answers may be somewhat nsfw!)

does viagra exist still in obscura? or is there magic to fix that?

There’s both.

will it work with fae?

Only if the dosage was made with fae magic in mind. Fae are non-biological, in the strictest sense, so non-magic medicines aren’t going to work on them.

Since vamps are dead, can they still get one up?

They have blood in their veins and can imitate all biological functions. Though doing so may require conscious effort and therefore not be worth it At All, vampires can nonetheless breathe and sweat and cry… and get boners.

does this mean weres get a little…needy during the spring time??

iiiii will leave that COMPLETELY to your interpretation. The official verdict is no a/b/o (words like alpha and beta should only be used to denote pack rankings, nothing about a were’s actual biology), but I’ll leave mating season urges to people’s personal tastes because ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

is bad dragon a popular thing in obscura verse????

I, uh… well, beast-blooded exist…

[seokjins]

what do You think sets j hope's dancing apart from the others? i can't seem to see a big difference..

YOOO what a great question!! i answered something similar here, but i’ve always wanted to break down other parts of his style that aren’t necessarily technique based (as i’m Not based in street or hip hop lol)

his use of hands. this is a really small thing that non dancers don’t often notice (and depending on what u study, some dancers don’t pay attention to it either lmao), but they’re very fluid and it makes choreo look better.and y’all know that i h a t e comparing members, but a prime example is if u look at jin, his hands are generally pretty stiff and it shows, even if people don’t realize why

footwork. he’s able to add steps that aren’t in the choreo to up the difficulty, and i admire that a lot. HOWEVER, being said, i will point out that in spring day, the move @ the chorus that everyone’s on about (the arm moving down in front of the torso with the legs goin in and out) he’s consistently been losing his standing side bc he doesn’t pull it around to keep square fpasfd

his diversity/adaptability. to be able to pull of a slower dance w someone who’s classically trained like jimin AND manage to stand out technique-wise, is very impressive. i know he’s originally a street dancer, but there are some parts where he’s strongest in the choreo during spring day and i ……………….. rip me

FLEXIBILITY ?????????????? his back is really fucking bendy. like really, really bendy. i’m a ballet dancer from the world of rhythmic gymnastics and i’m telling u his back is so fucnk flexible it makes no sense ?? he doesn’t train for it (as much as i know) so im always like “????????” for example, when he rolls up from the floor in the spring day choreo, it showcases not only 1) back strength but 2) core strength bc he’s the only one who maintains his upper body long enough that his head is the last thing to leave the flooralso yes his legs seem to defy the laws of physics i must get around to figuring out how he managed to get his one behind his head during BME

lots n lots of turnout . it doesn’t seem that way bc his hamstrings aren’t loose like jimin’s (boy can do the splits ok fam), but bc of his hips he can sit all the way down in pigeon etc -__________-  if only…….he’d……………………..polish it up…….w some ballet………………….

growth.sure, u can be born talented, with the right body, the right feet, the right flexibility, the charisma and stage presence, but you’re never going to get ahead if you don’t push urself. hoseok is talented as fuck, don’t get me wrong, but he’s always learning from others & trying new things & never bullshitting himself with “oh i’m good enough, i’ll just stop learning” just bc he can do things others can’t.pushing onself past limits and comfort zones for continual improvement is what sets a good dancer & a great dancer apart,,, stagnant dancers are not always lazy dancers, but lazy dancers are always stagnant dancers 😬😬

[survivorkomnata]

Episode #11: “i feel kinda nervous but also just kinda like i don’t give a fuck ya know” - Ally

The F8 vote seemed to have worked out well for me. I believe I shifted the plan from voting Stephen to Jess as Jess has been socially great but I havent been able to develop a great personal relationship with her and our interests in the game seem to differ. I am kinda glad with my position rn tho I am pretty sure the jury hates me rn but my aim is to find a way to maneuver to the end. Stephen and Ally must be really upset with me for lying over and over again and I might be targeted soon.

i am on a train and so i decided i'll write a confessional.

after having time to think last night (misplaying my idol), here are my thoughts: yeah, it sucks. it definitely hurt my game more than it helped. i am now 10x more vulnerable in the game. but, i'm not regretful? i'm now in a less-stressed state, where if i'm going to leave, so be it. no one was really shocked (though some may be more angered at me), and it kinda helps clear a target on my back because i'm like... easy to beat.

now, let me talk about something. after thorough analysis, i believe i have the least likelihood of winning this game. that's fine. i'm not really mad about it. below i'll just provide why i think i can't win this game, and my personal view.

CHANCES OF MAKING IT TO FTC: to begin, my chances of making it to ftc is very limited. i'm in a state where i have no idol, and i must rely on competitions (at some point, not necessarily now). i honestly think i'm safe at F7, but i know in order to get into F2 (or F3), i'll probably need to win a few immunities (or hope people see me as the goat i am and.. dragggg me BAAAAA). other people in the category of 'limited' when it comes to making ftc are stephen/ally/alyssa. now, let's pretend i do win like 3 immunities and achieve that position at FTC. this has two outcomes. first being that i don't think the jury will majorly respect it. and secondly, well, i'll describe it in the points below.

CHANCES TO WIN (IF I REACH FTC): i think i have horrible chances at this rate. ever since jury started, my management of said people hasn't been the greatest. i don't entirely blame myself (though maybe i should), but i don't see stephen w./miguel/luke/jess being keen on voting me. i think the most grossest(word choice?) of those are miguel. he's going to be emotional/bitter, and kind of rightfully so - i did vote him out. but i also got targeted in the first place for trying to save him. i put my blood, sweat, tears into trying to let him live and... well... i couldn't do it. and, in my personal opinion, that should outweigh me voting him. so as of now, i think i have 0/4 locks. i could see current players voting for me depending on how the game goes (i.e ally, alyssa, karthik) but that's so iffy to really count on. now a quick analysis of other players: alyssa - i think she's by far the strongest middle player/has been the swing vote in various instances. though bitterness may be an outcome, she's played a dominating game. ally/stephen - minority. they are going to have stephen w./luke/jess practically on lock, and even miguel to some extent. they are the underdogs that even i would be rooting for if i were on jury. tim/karthik - both are better middle players than i am. they are always the go-tos to make a move. maybe this is a bad thing for them (and by default, good for me) because they are seen as 'goats' or something. i doubt that though. they have more agency, and though i once again don't think that's at MY fault, it ultimately detriments my game. jake - jake has continually been targeted due to being a flexible, snakey threat. though he may not be doing the absolute most strategically/etc., he has that perception of ''winner'' and ''big player'', which alone can carry a lot of brownie points when it comes to voting.

CONCLUSION: So i think my chances to win are the lowest odds because of my inability to guarantee FTC for myself, and even if i do, i ain't going to be a strong contender to win unless the jury comes around to my busted ass game.

- okay, i want to talk about my personal thoughts on this.

i don't think i played the best. but, i don't blame myself for being in this shitty situation. wait. to specify, i don't blame myself for being hated by jury/players. i DO blame myself for being in the shitty position and limited chances of making FTC, which has factors including my prejury comp strength (there was strategy w/ that but i'll talk abt that another time.

my chances have sucked ever since jury started. stephen w. and i were never on a tribe together, and though i was a 'threat', i didn't flip. i did consider it however, but that isn't enough credit for him. it wasn't smart to work with him considering he was targeting me, but that's valid to not vote me in the end. miguel is a loyal and emotional person, 100% valid. i did not meet those terms at the end of the day, and that's only on me i guess. luke showed no loyalty to me and so i reciprocated the fakeness. we never worked together. jess, i DID try to work with, but she rejected that just to kinda blame it on me and so i voted her out. i have no friends on jury, and the earlier jurors are the most critical to some degree (because they can become an unit or something and start rallying campaigns for people).

my lack of agency, which is my biggest in-game flaw, isn't my fault directly. i tried to be extra social and show willingness to flip. of the 5 Kato2.0 members, i think i was easily the most willing to change up the game. karthik/tim have lied numerous times about flipping, and jake has done so prior. i haven't. maybe i should have, and i would be in a position, but i wanted to maintain this veil of honesty that like i was opened 2 working w them, even if NOW wasn't the time. the voted me and then only talked to me abt my vote when they needed me. i have to be missing something. this isn't a bad thing on MY game when others dont want to work with me, but i cant figure out the missing piece. maybe someones lying about what i'm doing and pitting people against me (good on them). maybe i did something really bad. but, it's a struggle. i thought i was playing so well but now i'm in a position of... hopelessness. i don't have any strong friends in the game. tim's probably the closest to me. i'm just... i'm unsure.

-

i want to talk about the future of this game real quick. this round, i anticipate ally/stephen will target one of me/alyssa/jake. tim wants to target alyssa (according to him) so i can see her being targeted. i'm unsure if that's how i'll vote, but i'm thinking. i think, if i am lucky + smart enough, that i'll make f5 easily. if alyssa goes, theres no way ppl would keep ally/stephen both til f5 considering they are minority n have that sway over the jury. put in that position, im the strongest physically. if ally goes F7 (or stephen), then jake/alyssa are a duo i can spearhead to break up. but, if alyssa has two idols, shes final 4 and well . it's over . but maybe she'd idol out like karthik or smthing n then me/tim/stephen vote out alyssa/jake and... yea. there's some hope for me but it's VERY circumstantial.

my brain hurts lol sorry

So last night I was BRUTALLY blindsided. And it's kinda late in the game for that to still be happening! This is way worse than Miguel or Luke leaving. Karth, Tim, Zach and Alyssa all overtly lied to me about their plans and votes. Granted, I also lied to Alyssa so there's that.

Karth, Tim, and Zach all hit me with the "but we're allies now that you proved you're honest" and I'm rolling with it because I don't have much of a choice. Ally wants to try something with Alyssa/Jake but I'm not exactly holding my breath. I won't buy anything until people start coming to me with real plans. At least Zach's idol is gone so others might be more tempted to make a move on him now.

Being voted most honest was something I ABSOLUTELY capitalized off of. I used it to try and get Alyssa on my side by telling her Stephen said she's next if Zach wins (even though she went and mentioned my name) I used it to blatantly lie to Jess and Stephen and Im using it now to do damage control with Stephen

Honestly the reason I voted Jess was very strategic. If Stephen was gone then Jess could weave her way into an alliance with Alyssa and Jake whereas Stephen would not. Stephen is still a big threat to win and with him here it means that he'll possibly take priority over me. Because honestly who wants Stephen at f3??? Who wants Zach at f3??? Who wants Ally at f3?? They MAY want Alyssa at f3 which is why she's my next target Stephen: Its not smart for me to go against you guys either way

Me: I already know this lmaoo you want me in your f3 duh

Im gonna go ahead and be overzealous when i say this may be the first game where I make f3.

I feel like I've played my cards correctly and If it works out how I want.. i could win/ get 2nd. I can literally destroy and discredit Karthik's game in a matter of seconds so I'm not concerned and Jake's game thusfar has been straightforward. If I can survive this round then I can make it to the end of the game. Omg if its a f2 instead of a f3 i will scream. I'm being too hopeful rn lol.

AHHHHH BITCHESSS I WON IMMUNITYYYY. Poverty was on my side. (I'm not poor lmao). I feel great and I definetely needed to win it considering the fact that my name was mentioned last round. Oh I also sent Karthik to the basement in hopes of finding something buy I also sent him there so that I wont make a target out of Alyssa and break any potential bonds there.

Now originally I made an ellaborate plan to vote out Alyssa but I've done quite a bit of talking to Stephen regarding my position as well as everyone's position in the game.  I'm torn between trying to get the vote on Alyssa or going with Ally, Karthik, and Stephen and voting oyt Zach. We will see.

I have a plan for this vote tonight and I think it’ll work. We’re gonna split the votes and if Stephen or ally goes, I think I’ve set myself up for s really good game. Of course anything can happen, but as long as I don’t get blindsided, I feel good about the rest of the game. Of course, that being said, anything can happen and this is Survivor

Thinking about how this could be my last day in the game is crazy. I'm relying on Tim and Karth to hold up their end of the deal to vote Zach out tonight. If it works, everything will change. I'll suddenly be in a real alliance for the first time in awhile. I don't plan on letting go of the numbers once I have them, but I really don't know if I even have them. Karth was my closest ally since Day 1 and he lied to me and sent out my next closest ally. I believe Tim has been leaking information I was posting in the 4-elements chat for awhile now. And I am definitely the target of at least 3/7 people heading into this tribal according to Tim.

Basically, everything should be seen as a negative right about now. But that's not how I see it. Playing from the bottom could be an amazing opportunity for me. I believe with Zach finally leaving, the 2 duos on the other side will finally have to point fingers at each other rather than doing everything behind the scenes. Then I'm just a little bit farther away from the end. Maybe I can still win this thing.

Of course, I could also go home 5-2 if Karth and Tim are just lying. But I think I've convinced them that keeping me is best for their game. Or maybe it's just that Alyssa and Zach come across as too threatening We even discussed possible endgame scenarios where I go to F3 with them. I wouldn't quite go that far with both of them after all the scheming and plotting on their end but hey, one of them can come along for the ride ;). Assuming I don't go home which is still totally possible LADSHSJKDHDKJHKSDJ

it’s rly quiet lol

i feel kinda nervous but also just kinda like i don’t give a fuck ya know

like... i’ve already been lied to and blindsided so many times that it’s hard to care or have high expectations at this point

i’m voting zach, afaik everyone else is down but again that could be a lie or he could have another idol idfk

i’m only loyal to stephen now idc abt any of these ppl

Ally is voted out in a 4-3 vote. She becomes the fifth member of our jury.

[semem-dar]

Hey guys, so i’m not sure how to format this, but i need somewhere to put this where i can get some help.

So, if you know me irl, or you read any of my more serious tags, you probably know that I’m disabled. I’ve been professionally diagnosed with a long list of things, no idea what i have and what was a misdiagnosis, no way to tell because symptoms between them overlap so heavily it could be either, or, or both. Who knows. The total list, as of this year is Autism spectrum disorder, major depression presenting with psychotic symptoms, generalized anxiety disorder, attention deficit disorder, post-traumatic stress disorder, gender dysphoria, and two specific phobia: one of heights, and one of needles. All are under some form of medication or theraputic treatment, and have been for years, with only minor progress on anything but the PTSD, I am at least being kept out of crisis-mode and have not attempted suicide for almost a year, so it could always be worse.

The situation is, my family is pushing me to get a job. My mother is pushing the angle that its for my independence and self-esteem, my father is pushing the angle that its my responsibility. I recently turned 21, so i need to either find work, or get on disability and stop asking them for things. Either way, they have made it clear to me that it is unacceptable that i am 21 now and have no work history or source of income. The issues with this come in three flavours: i cannot drive, and i cannot care for myself without regular supervision, and i have little in the way of marketable skills or skillsets. Not to mention the standard mental illness difficulties.

The mental problems come in the standard “autistic with sensory issues” fare. I cant be around bright lights or loud noises, anything brighter than a fluorescent office light is too much, and even with those i often need sunglasses. Loud or sudden noises, anything above say, the level of a car-door shutting is too much and sustained sounds above the level of a printer are intolerable enough that i cannot think around them, freezing up or outright attempting to curl in and cover my ears/face/front and getting nothing done. Being allowed to wear noise-cancelling headphones helps, but muffles conversation to a point i cant understand others. Being around people for more than 4 hours a day, 5 if i push it and am willing to be irritable and upset for the rest of the day is my limit. I have difficulty understanding speech over digital media if i cant watch the lips of whoever is speaking, or be provided with subtitles or a transcript. Telephone-based jobs are right out thanks to this particular issue. I have difficulty holding attention, and cant process complex commands well, or deal with things that aren’t sequenced. I don’t deal well with other peoples emotions, and barely cope with my own. I cannot think of any job that would tolerate a worker like this in your standard retail/restaurant/gas-station entry-level, or anywhere that takes workers without a resume, or anything to put on one did they have one.

Driving, which requires many tasks (keeping track of your hands, both of your feet, the speed, the road lines, other cars, road signs, stoplights, the mirrors, the gas, etc), is impossible for me without risking my life or another drivers. I live rurally, and with no public transport to speak of in my area, I have to rely on my parents to get me places. Their schedules are rotating, and at odd hours of the day, and i have to budget for two hours around their schedules to get me to and from college. With the schedule i have now, and their schedules to work around, i cannot find any work during the week, leaving the few days of the weekend being necessary to find work on. But even this is limited, as I cant go far from home, and I still have to work around my parents rotating schedules since they frequently work weekends.

The usual recommendation at this point is to move somewhere with transportation, but here’s the real kicker. I cannot care for myself on my own. I cannot, on my own power, remember to eat, drink, bathe, or sleep properly. I cannot get my medications in without reminders and double-checks. I have difficulty with any amount of flexibility in a schedule, as i get lost when i cannot check either of my watches and know where i should be and what i should be doing, and will instead simply scroll through blogs or edit code or mod games for hours on end, doing nothing productive or useful. I cannot enforce a schedule myself, and any attempts at reminders through technology or mundane means have repeatedly failed. Ive utilized calendars, day planners, sticky notes, alarm clocks, watches, cellphone reminders, other people calling me to check if ive done something, and any other number of methods. Without another living being hounding after me to get something done, it slips my mind.

At this point, i’m  usually asked, in disbelief, how someone can forget to eat. It’s simple, i do not feel hunger until i am in physical pain from it, and often only eat one meal a day as a result of packing a meal and just, grabbing something out of the bag as i see other people eating. Often, this gets to a point where i forget to eat so long that i wind up in pain. This, as most people know, disinclines one from eating. You hurt, you’re tired, and you feel nauseous, you likely do not want to eat anything thanks to this, and simply want to go to bed. I have been hospitalized before for winding up in such a condition that i couldn’t stand thanks to this odd spiral of not eating. The same goes for drinking. I am lucky if i get more than 10 ounces of fluids in in a day separate from any snacks i might have shoved in a bag or pocket or other carry-able container. It is a wonder I am not sicker than i am regularly.

regardless, the point is made, i have extreme difficulty with remembering and motivating myself to preform basic daily activities, and will often do without to the point i sicken myself if left to my own devices. I assume it is like living with a large, depressed, child. I assume it is unpleasant, irritating, and difficult living with someone with these issues, and can think of no one who would willingly take care of someone they are living with to this degree short of a spouse or the parents of the person. Seeing as i am not exactly a catch for marriage given my life difficulties, lack of income, and lack of looks, and cannot live on my own, im rather stuck in a poor, rural area, with few job opportunities and  even fewer that wouldnt essentially be working in hell for someone like me.

Im certain, by this point, if youre still reading, you understand why im having difficulty finding a job i would want to put myself in, or even be able to tolerate. All of the career options ive considered, that i think i might be happy in, require a degree (which requires money we dont have, and years of student loans, and a job in the interim while you earn the degree), or are too far away, or require a cost upfront (such as starting a home business, or taking up a trade where you have to buy your own materials [any type of craft work]), or simply have skillsets that i can only do part of and would be incompetent to outright incapable of the rest of the skillset.

the longer I think about this, the more depressed and frozen i become, and the less and less it feels like i have any options. I’m at a point in my life where i have been unhappy and stressed and frequently outright suicidal too damn often, and i refuse to even potentially put myself in a place where i risk becoming that again. I dont know how to get past that and force myself to take a standard job. I do not know if i have any other options, with my lack of skills and mostly useless talents. I do not know how to run a buisiness, or have to cost for materials and real trainign needed to learn a craft, or the ability to run off my wn schedule that working from home would require.

i feel like i have no options. I do not want to continue this. I do not want to have no options. I do not want to be here. i do not know how to make this stop. i do not know how i can be 21 and be incompetent enough that i cannot find any sort of work i would be suited for. i do not understand how someone could end up with no motivation or skills or any amount of ability to make money. I do not understand. I do not know how to fix this. Threapy is not helping, medication is not helping, support (what little i can get of it) is not helping, i do not know how to become competent. i do not know how to become a person. i do not know how to get money at a price i am willing to pay or even can pay. I do not understand.