#hope you enjoyed! send me more asks about this lol cuz idk exactly what will happen next

[brandwhorestarscream]

ah yes i meant who confesses!! O.O

Yeah, the whole situation is just s big recipe for a sadness cake

Picking up where we left off with Thundercracker, he makes it maybe a week before he can't stand it anymore. He tries to be polite but reserved with Skywarp, but it hurts. He misses their conversations, misses their games. Having him so close but an impossibility he can't grasp is the worst thing he's ever had to shoulder. Knowing that no matter what, no matter how hard he wishes it, Skywarp will never care about him that way breaks his spark

At the end of the decacycle, instead of Thundercracker coming to visit, Starscream and Skywarp recieve word that he won't be in attendance today. He's gotten himself sick, and is in no condition to be travelling.

Of course, he's not actually coming down with anything. He's perfectly healthy, but it was the most surefire way to get his aerie's matriarch to let him stay home. He's locked himself in his suite, glumly re-reading one of his favorite books in the hope it will distract him or perhaps help clear his mind. No dice.

Imagine his surprise when, out of nowhere, who should appear on his balcony other than his fiance? Starscream's come bearing some healthy white crystal flowers that sparkle in a rainbow of light, and in the extinct flower language, they were often used to wish for good health. It's a terribly sweet gesture and it pushes Thundercracker over the edge.

Star's not at all expecting him to start crying--desperate, wheezing sobbing like his spark has shattered. He's never heard Thundercracker cry like this: in fact, he's never seen Thundercracker cry at all. It startles him, and immediately makes him worry: something is so very wrong with his fiance. He hesitantly comes to sit beside him on the berth, winding one arm around him snd letting the blue seeker sob into his shoulder. It all comes spilling out like he can't quite control his mouth: how desperately he wishes things could go back to the way they were, it's all his fault, he didn't mean to, he's so sorry but he just can't go to the palace and face them both, not when he's so in love with both of them but knowing neither of them will ever really love him in return!

Starscream freezes while he's carrying on: it's the first time he's ever heard Thundercracker say that he loves him. Loves either of them. This is an arranged bonding and love was nothing but a fantastical whim. A childish dream. But, if his fiance actually harbors warm feelings for him, then...

It means he has a chance!

That evening, during a secret rendezvous in Thundercracker's private chambers, the prince and his fiance share their very first kiss. It leaves them both breathless and starstruck, caught in each other's optics and unable to break a spellbound stare.

"...I love you, too," a quietly whispered promise. "Please, return to the palace tomorrow. We'll figure this out."

Thundercracker shakily agrees, still mystified and floating on the high of his first kiss. Maybe... no, definitely, he can do it now. Even if Skywarp wants nothing to do with it, if he can bask in his fiance's affections, surely that will be enough. This arrangement is no longer a loveless dredge, but an actual relationship. Or, well, it can be! Will be! If Skywarp can't love him back, then at least he knows he'll have Starscream.

[fluffytriceratops]

Most Ardently - Chapter One: Mr. Hamato

Notes: It is time! The post you've all be waiting for! The first chapter of many~ idk why it took me so long to write, hopefully the other's wont take me as long? But I make no promises lol. I hope you all enjoy nonetheless! I'm SUPER excited for the next chapter, cuz ITS ABOUT TO GO DOWN- hehe. (◕ᗜ◕) Also- this isn't EXACTLY like Pride & Prejudice. I've changed quite a few things to make more sense for the story. You don't need to read/watch it before reading if you don't want to. Tho it might contain some spoilers, since it's heavily based/inspired by it. Thank you for all the support! I hope you all have an amazing day/night!! SENDING SO MANY VIRTUAL HUGGLES TO YOU!!! <3

Warnings: none??

Tags: @thelaundrybitch @rheawritesforfun @drowninghell @turtle-babe83 @leosgirl82 @mysticboombox @post-apocalyptic-daydream @raphslovemuffin80 @raphielover @jurikyu-blog @doctorelleth @tmntspidergirl

(If you want to be tagged in future chapters/my TMNT related work, feel free to let me know and I'll happily add you!)

The damp mud squelched from under her boots due to the recent downpour. A smile graced her delicate features. Squinting from the sun that managed to peak through the clouds. Y/n closed the book in her hand. Reaching up to tuck a few strands of hair that managed to escape her bun out of her face. She walked up the steps that led to her home, heals clicking against the heavy stone. Upon entering, her smile fell as she noticed her two youngest sisters eavesdropping by the door of their father's study.

"What have I told you about listening at the door?" She hissed, grabbing the back of Lydia's ponytail and giving it a sharp tug.

Lydia gasped, turning around to shoot a quick glare in Y/n's direction. She gave her a swat to the arm, which Y/n responded to by chuckling. "Never mind that! There's a Mr. Hamato who arrived from the north. Five thousand a year." She giggled, looking towards her other sister, Catherine, who mimicked the bubbly sounds escaping her mouth.

"He's single." They squealed.

Y/n shook her head in mild amusement and took a step forwards, trying to peek at the crack in the door. Jane, the oldest out of all the them who had just been passing by stopped to see what all the fuss was about. "Who's single?" She asked, leaning towards Y/n quizzically.

"A Mr. Hamato apparently." Y/n huffed, wincing as she was shushed by her younger sisters who had been much louder than she was. The four of them leaned in close as they tried to hear what their parents were saying on the other side of the door.

"You know he must marry one of them!" Their mother cried. And the girls giggled in delight. Y/n and Jane shot each other amused glances. Lips twisting up in playful smirks.

Without much warning, the door was suddenly opened and the females gasped in surprise. Giggling not long after at being caught. Their father stood in the doorway, an unimpressed look on his face. "Good heavens.. People." He murmured, slipping past them and into the other room. Mrs. L/n chased after him, calling out his name and making demands. The girl's, who were much more curious than before, followed after their mother quickly. Scurrying like a bunch of mice. Making sure to lift the hem's of their dresses so they wouldn't trip.

"Are you even listening?" Mrs. L/n asked, face red from trying to convince her husband that he (they) must meet this man at once. "You must, Papa!" Kitty (Catherine) cried from behind her. Y/n was just about done with this conversation altogether. But she was curious now too and wanted to know what was going on.

"There's no need," Mr. L/n said, turning around to face them all. "I already have."

"You have?"

"When?"

"Oh Mr. L/n, how can you tease me so? Have you no compassion for my poor nerves?"

Y/n glanced at her mother in disbelief after plopping herself down on the sofa. Holding back her want to snort. It seemed as though the only thing her mother thought about was marrying them off to the first dolt that came forward. It was ridiculous, in her opinion. There were far more important things than marriage. And she didn't want to marry just anyone.

"You mistake me, my dear." Her father grunted as he lowered his old and tired body down into a chair. "I have the highest respect for them. They've been my constant companions these twenty years." He grinned at her teasingly, and Y/n swore her mother's face got even more red. The sight made her grin as well.

Mrs. L/n seemed to get over it quick enough. Immediately asking if he was amiable to which Kitty followed up by asking if he was handsome. Y/n did snort at that. Ignoring the annoyed glance her mother shot in her direction. Mary, the last of the L/n sister's stood in the doorway, completely and utterly confused. "Who?" She asked, lips pursed in a cute pout.

"He's sure to be handsome." Lydia giggled, lifting her skirt and prancing around the room with a smile nearly as wide as her face.

"With five thousand a year, it would not matter if he had warts and a leer." Y/n jested, bringing her knees to her chest to allow Lydia more room as she twirled on by.

"Who's got warts?" Mary asked incredulously, tired of being ignored.

Lydia finished her prancing and dropped down on the floor in front of her father. "So will he come to the ball tomorrow Papa?"

He smiled, "I believe so."

━

"You're pulling my hair!" Lydia cried, desperate to get away from her older sister. 

"I am not! Besides, if you weren't wiggling around so much, than I wouldn't be." Y/n said as she grabbed her sisters shoulders and forced her to sit forwards. Stopping her from moving so much.

"That does not make sense." Lydia whined, crossing her arms over her chest with a pout. 

Y/n held back the urge to roll her eyes. "You will wrinkle your dress if you continue this way. Just sit still." 

"Who do you want to dance with, Mary?" Kitty asked, looking at herself in the mirror. She twirled around in her lovely dress, a giddy smile on her youthful face. 

"You know I never dance." Said female muttered. She had always hated balls. Any sort of large gathering, really. "Must I wear this?" She pulled on the itchy fabric of her dress, and Jane swatted her hands away. 

"Yes, you must." The blonde insisted, fixing a loose curl in Mary's hair. "Everyone will wear what Mama set out for us." 

"Lest she annoy us all night with her complaints." Y/n grumbled, earning a small chortle from Jane. Her lips quirked up at the sound.

"I wish I had a new pair of shoes." Lydia kicked out her feet to draw attention to them. "These are practically laughable." 

"Your old ones are perfectly fine. Quit complaining." Y/n finished with her sister's hair and waved her away. Lydia got up cheerfully and waltzed around the room, hooking arms with Catherine. The two danced around together cheerfully. 

"Do you think Mr. Hamato will marry one of us?" Asked Kitty, watching her skirt swoosh around her with a smile. Lydia did the same. "I certainly hope so. How divine would that be?" 

"Not at all if you miss him entirely because you could not stop starring at yourselves. Have a little humility." Y/n grabbed Jane's hand and they left the room, the younger ones following eagerly. Whispering to one another the entire way. 

She might not have said it out loud, but Y/n too was interested to know more about this Mr. Hamato fellow. She had always said she would marry for love. Though she had yet to find it. Unlike her naïve sister's, Y/n wasn't going to throw herself to the first halfwit that gave her attention. If it was not true love than she did not want it at all. And if that meant that she end up alone, then so be it. 

Perhaps she was the one who was naïve. 

It didn't matter, the only man she needed in her life were the one's in her books. She was perfectly content with them for the moment. Though, she would be lying if she said sometimes she wasn't lonely. Or that sometimes she longed for the companionship of a love interest. Someone who would love her for all her faults and flaws. If Y/n said that she didn't want to marry at all, that would be a terrible lie. And her father raised a daughter with a guilty conscience, not a liar. 

As they rode in the carriage to the ball, Y/n couldn't help but let her mind wander. Her fingers fiddled with the fabric of her green dress. Whatever her sisters and mother were talking about became simple background noise. Instead she focused on the singing of birds, the whispering wood, and the rushing of the stream they passed. She listened to the horses hooves hitting the road, and the soft tune their driver whistled. She gazed at the passing of people and trees, the wonderful blueness of the sky, and the farmer's livestock who grazed in their fields. She focused on the sweet musk of her mother's perfume, and the scent of tabasco from her father's pipe. Sometimes she did wish she had met the love of her life and run away with him. But it was simple moments like these that reminded her just how much she loved her family. And how much she would miss them if she left. 

Before she had realized it, they had arrived at their destination. Y/n left the carriage, smiling in thanks towards her father who had offered her his hand. As she waited for her family to join her side, her eyes roamed the merry gathering. A great many people had showed up, and she couldn't help but smile at the general splendor. "I wonder if Mr. Hamato has come already, or if he shall show up later." 

Y/n looked towards Jane as she spoke, her own beautiful eyes zipping from one person to the next. "I suppose we shall have to go in and see." She said, linking her arm with hers. Jane's lips upturned in a joyful grin and the two didn't hesitate to follow their parents into the grand manor. 

Butterflies invaded her stomach from all the excitement. Y/n may have wanted to find love. But she also wanted that for her sister's. She certainly wasn't the most sought after. She was a tangled mess of contradictory things. If it meant that her sisters find happiness, than she would gladly step aside and wait a little while longer for romance. 

Some called her foolish for waiting on love. Marriage was a great economic proposition. Especially in her case, having no dowry. She was wasting her life away, believing in such fairytales. It was absolute nonsense. Y/n found it amusing how many people told her so.

"There's too much risk in loving." They would say. 

And in response, Y/n would smile and declare, "No. There's too much risk in not." 

[the-madame21]

(tw) sorry if this is too much to ask but do you have any takes or headcanons on how far ayato's sadism can go? like maybe go into detail in the ways in which he would be possessive of a girl or something. he's one of my favorite characters and the fandom has really watered him down so it's nice to see some dark ayato content once in a while. thank you :)

Oh don’t worry it takes a bit to trigger me so you’re good ^^ I’m gonna say Yui instead of heroine or s/o because it’s just easier. 

So Ayato is pretty interesting. I think he gets watered down so much cuz he’s kind of the “main” boy and he’s more playful with his pranks and what not. He kinda acts like a big puppy dog doing things and waiting/hoping for Yui’s reactions. Ayato’s big thing though is that he swears to never push Yui past the breaking point. Which again, is almost a sweet sentiment. 

It’s that key trait of his that I think allows Ayato to go pretty fucking far sadism wise. Because if you’re constantly pushing someone to the edge, eventually that “edge” starts to move further and further back, and the tolerance level goes up. In a way Ayato is almost training Yui to be able to withstand his sadistic tendencies XD Of course instead of gradual building he just jumps right into it. 

Okay so anyway enough of that. Ayato likes games. More so psychological torture than physical. I like to think that that’s mostly due to the fact that he only wants his fangs to pierce Yui. What he loves the most is the shock factor, seeing the fear in Yui’s eyes. So I think he’s willing to do anything/go as far as he needs to in order to see it. 

So some rough headcanons that might accidentally be canon because my memory is mush:

One I really like is you know how he can like teleport? Him grabbing Yui and then teleporting to an absurd height so he can “show her the scenery.” Once her guard is completely down he just drops her. Doesn’t catch her until the absolute last possible second. He probably gets a hell of an adrenaline rush from the whole thing too. The blood curdling scream she gives probably gets his heart going, know what I mean?

Similar to Subaru except FUCK Subaru Ayato chaining her up in the dungeon or like somewhere equally as creepy (cemetery, doll room, torture room, etc) and telling her that when she says his name in a pretty enough voice he’ll come for her. He’d probably make shit move or send things hurtling at her to scare the absolute shit outta her. I can see him keeping her there well past the point of exhaustion because secretly Ayato’s favorite way to hear his name is on a desperate whimper of a whisper. 

My favorite Ayato scene is when he keeps teleporting so Yui can’t find him and he’s like “behind you!” over and over again. So with that idea in mind, a similar kind of game but in a House of Mirrors. If she can guess which one is the real him, he won’t drink her blood to the point of passing out. But if she doesn’t...

Ayato is a possessive boy my favorite trait in a man and like I said everything is about building tolerance. He is also a bitey boi and so I can definitely see him drinking from her coochie. Not like period blood (idk why everyone jumps to that tbh) but like biting right on the innermost part of her thighs, licking up her juices and then fucking going for it and biting her right along those sensitive folds. The scream he gets from that would drive him to do it again and again. 

If I’m remembering correctly, DL vampires have like healing saliva to ease the pain of the bite or whatever. Ayato doesn’t make use of that. He just lets the bites bruise, leaves the skin purposely tender. Those tie in with the hickies he loves so much as well. Wait yes, they totally do have healing saliva because I remember being PISSED when Yui gets hurt and Reiji fixes her hand with a first aid kit instead of his mouth

That’s pretty much all I could come up with off the top of my head. I wouldn’t exactly describe myself as a very dark writer, so I’m sorry if you were looking for something more gruesome or explicit lol. I do love my happy endings after all XD Either way, hope you enjoyed!

[selfcareparker]

hi bae <3 reading that last ask i’m realizing i have no grammar? lmao

glad university is funnnn, when you said linguistics i was like 🤨 but then i googled it and it does sound interesting lmao

the too much free time part though... :( its like you expected to be thrown in and like WOO BUSY and WOO purpose (purpose may be going too far lol) but i totally get what you’re saying. ESPECIALLY when you expect to be busier and you’re not it’s like :/ ok. (& girlllll it’s fine to complain, it’s how ur feeling)

and bc of covid you have eVEN LESS STUFF TO DO, which sucks. the social part may help? even just a little bit, but maybe having some socialization.. it could be somewhat uplifting? idk gsjshsj

where i live the vaccine is for 16 and up right now but for the younger kids (12-15) it hasn’t been ✨FDA approved✨ yet so my brother is still waiting for his 🤠

okay really quick, how does drivers license work there? here you learn to drive at 16 and you can like actually drive (sometimes even alone in the car) by 17... (also burneks?)

YAYYYY GIRLLL i remember you telling me about how you haven’t seen your family in England in such a long time 🥺🥺🥺 i really hope you get to see them soon!!!! and that covid eases up so you can see them frequently again 🥺🥺🤍

i’m gonna tattoo that to my forehead “not being friends with your parents is unhealthy” EXACTLY!! the people saying that stuff are usually not close to their parents so 👀

i’ve been really busy (unfortunately imo lol) with my dance recital coming up and this singing group (which i don’t like at all) and my final tests bc of school i’m EEK but it’s a good eek i think? maybe? idk lolll, i can’t wait for everything to be over though so i can CHILL. after school however i have a missions trip in north carolina? don’t quote me on that, but yeah 🥰 i’m really excited about it bc i’ll be without my family (like on my own :)) and it’s this whole thing and i’ll get to know people and i’m gonna buy a new bathing suit that makes me look gooooood cuz i’m tryna cop a boyfriend while i’m there HAHAHAH but besides that... more acting and singing camps probably? most likely a summer job.. i don’t have any plans reallyyy set in stone but ya know (ACTUAL i do have a few things planned. but those are things i don’t want to do. so i will be ignoring them <3)

that was a long ass paragraph- but PLEASE UR RESPONSE WAS FINEEE & i love you 💓💓💖💞💘💓💞💕 literally watch me buy a ticket to germany rn

- lovely anon (or catherine? i feel that lovely anon is iconic now tho so. kinda like how i call you aria in my head not your real name lol ALSO I PROMISE IM GONNA RESPOND TO THAT REALLY SOON, it’s just really busy rn) <3

what’s wrong with tumblr i just saw this a minute ago 🥲🥲🥲🥲 they don’t want to see us together ✋🏼 but fuck them 💘

Whaksk wait wdym by you have no grammar? 😭😭hejsjs

Honestly I’m so surprised that I’m enjoying linguistics but i think since i speak english and german i’ve just always been interested in language and esp english since it’s just my second language so i was forced to learn more about the language than just words and grammar, because it’s such a big part of me and also i didn’t always have a british accent so i kind of had to... develop a british accent, and it was natural but also kind of wasn’t??? Anyway why was this one sentence like 17 lines i’m sorry

YES OMG EXACTLY and obviously i’m missing out on the whole uni experience i mean I’m introverted anyway but i don’t mind going to a party every now and then? but i haven’t talked to a single person from my uni (except in class when we had to analyse a poem or something— okay technically some of my friends go to the same uni as me but they’re all studying other stuff)

But yeah I’ll definitely try to meet my friends more often 🥺 but we all have really different schedules rn so it’s really hard to find days where we both/all are free and not too tired and yeahssjsksj but i mean.... i can pay 50% of your ticket to germany? and then we can hang out? 🥰

I think everyone over 18 can get their vaccine from Monday on so I’ll try to call (okay, my mum will call sisjsh) and see if i can get an appointment. but i think everything will be super full because previously only people over... 50?or 60? or people with like illnesses could get it and now everyone over 18 can get it??? Like that’s a lot of people who can suddenly get the vaccine sksjjs but at the same time they’re getting quicker with it (i think today over 1 million people got the vaccine???? Like i know the US probably gets wayyy more people done so idk if that sounds like nothing to you but obviously Germany is much smaller so to me that sounds like a lot???) and also one of my father’s friend’s wife (djdkdj) works at a hospital or something? And she said she’ll ask if I can get it done there so yeah 🤞🏼🤞🏼🤞🏼

Isksmsjjs it took me so long to figure out what burneks was, i googled it (very weird results?) and then i realised i made a typo.... yeah no idea what i was trying to say lol

So in Germany (as far as I’m aware) you can start at 17 and you can’t have your test before you’re 17 years and 6 months old (idk why) and then you’re not allowed to drive alone until you’re 18 and then you still have two years on probation(is that what it’s called?) and you’re not allowed to drink a single sip of alcohol before you’re 21 (and drive) (cause in germany you’re allowed to drink when you’re 14 (if your parents are with you and allow it), then when you’re 16 you can buy beer and wine, and when you’re 18 you can buy everything. But you’re not allowed to drink and drive (even if it’s just 0.01 promille) until you’re 21)

(Okay I just googled and I don’t think you say pro mille/per mille in english sksjsjs but like the percent (or something...) of alcohol you have in your blood (idk biology sorry) (not that you asked about drinking and driving anyway? 😭 but there you go lmaoo)

Also idk if that’s just a UK thing or you also have it in the US? But all of my relatives from England keep asking me how often I’m driving with my parents (for practice)... and in Germany that’s.... not allowed? Like in england you can get these L (Learner) plates that you can stick on the back of your car and then you can drive anytime with your parents, but in germany you can only drive with your driving instructor during a paid for and legally organised driving lesson so. Kksskaj

Yess, the good thing now is that i can go to england anytime? Because Uni is all online anyway so it’s not like i have to wait until the holidays to see my family, i really hope i’ll see them soon🥺 it was my nana’s bday today and my grandad’s a few weeks ago so i’m painting two pictures for them tomorrow and sending them as a (late) gift next week 😌 (i’ll do like an impressionist ✨field of flowers✨ (that sounds awful sksjsjsj for reference i’ll look something like this: (it’s not mine i just found it on the internet while i was looking for some inspiration

for my nana, and something with a waterfall for my grandad) (looking at it now i don’t even think that’s impressionism? Idfk i had art as my subject for my a levels (like one of my final exams) and i actually got an A 👀 but it was mainly architecture and i don’t even remember that so

Ahhh I hope it’s a good eek!! Sksjj hopefully you’ll be done with everything soon and i already know you’re gonna do really good in all of your tests😌 but still: good luck ❤️❤️❤️

Idk if it’s actually cool? But North Carolina sounds so cool to me (but honestly you could have said any state and i’d think it’s cool sksksskm) And girl I still think it’s so amazing that you just sing and dance and act and omg ✨✨✨✨✨✨✨

(I’m imagining us in a montage (?) like they always have in films while we’re shopping to get you a hot bathing suit😌😌 and then they always come home with like 6 shopping bags in the movies—)

This is gonna sound so dumb because who tf wants to work? But I’ve always wanted a summer job 🥲 like nothing too exhausting obviously but i’ve never earned any money by myself? I haven’t had a single job in my life (not that I’m that old and like only one of my friends has worked in her life like we’re young sksjsj) and yeah i think it would be really cool to have a summer job and earn some money 😌 but during the summer holidays (they’re only 6 weeks in germany) we’d always go to england for at least two weeks and then we’d drive to bosnia to see my dad’s family for a few days and then to croatia and then to Bosnia again sksksksms so i never had time for a summer job (obviously i’m aware that it’s a fucking privilege that i’ve never had to work and that i get to go to multiple countries during the holidays but yeah)

WHY DO I TALK SO MUCH AUSSKKSSM

Like I said I’ll pay 50% of your ticket 😌 i’ll be here stuck at home anyway, just let me know when you’re coming so i can come pick you up😌 (this emoji djskksks— but i mean it fits so i’ll use it as often as i can 😌)

Lovely anon IS iconic 😌✨ but Catherine is more than okay too🥰 so just say whatever you prefer ❤️

(And omg you never have to apologise for responding to my long ass, full-of-mistakes responses late sksjs take your time (i mean i wouldn’t be mad if you just didn’t respond to some of them i talk too much anyway <3333)

[jimlingss]

FuCkInG jIMLINGSSSS!!!! YOU DID THAT!!!! AHHHHHHHHHHHH AYSKTSKGSNFZNGZNFSKTD I'M CURRENTLY ON THE SUBWAY SO I CAN'T OUTWARDLY FREAK OUT AS MUCH AS I WANT TO ABOUT THIS I AM D Y I N G OHMYGOD AS SOON AS I READ THIS I'M GONNA BE ON👏THE👏FLOOR👏 JESUS CHRIST!!!!!!! I'M BOUTTA REREAD THE 1ST 2 CHAPTERS SO I COULD APPRECIATE THIS IN ALL OF IT'S GLORY AHHH NO WARNING EITHER!!!! (which was probably the best way because i am s h o c k e d, i 10000% was not expecting that rn aldjfjsk i love surprises!!)

[Potential Spoilers Below]

You are literally so sweet! I really don’t know what I would do without you and your messages :’) Your encouragement is my gasoline, I swear.

myjeansareonfire said:JIMLINGSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS I WANNA CRY WHY AM I SUCH AN EMOTIONAL BEAN?!?!?!?!?!?!? ESPECIALLY SEEING THAT PICTURE OF THEM AT THE END BEFORE THE EPILOGUE AKDJDHEKSKDBSNAJ I'M D E A D AHHH JIMINGS!!! 😭😭😭😭 Damn, what can i even say? You've rendered me speechless, speechless!!!!!!!!! This.. Has probably got to be my.. Third or fourth favorite thing you've ever written. Definitely in the top 5! Yes you have other writing that's more eloquent & beautiful & well thought out & descriptive but (1/11)

oh wow. one of your top favourites? You know, I would try to be surprised but I’m not cause it was also one of the funnest things I’ve ever written haha. I was laughing and hollering while writing and that never happens. It also wasn’t a struggle to edit and I wrote it in record time. Honestly, who knew the fic would work out considering I did 0 planning and pulled all of it out of my ass. rofl.

ahhh the character's relationships!! Just, the comedy!! The tension!! The originality of the personality created for each member! The heart warming parts! How despite the fact that it is labeled a crack fic, yoongi's always keeping it real!! 😭😭 ahh i literally can't imagine how he went through all he went through & endured all that he endured, he really really /really/ had to be in love with y/n, & that had to have been from the beginning! There's so much he'd put up w/even before y/n (2/11)

knew he was a boy like ahh & HOW IS Y/N SO DENSE?? LIKE??? I JUST WANTED TO SHAKE HER & YELL IN HER FACE AND BE LIKE Y O O N G I F U C K I N G L I K E S Y O U THIS BOY IS IN L O V E WITH YOU!!! Every time jimin came into the picture and she was like HERE'S THE LOVE OF MY LIFE i was like uhmm?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!? Really, girl?? It's gon be like that?? Gah! So frustrating T_T she's testosterone has been... Such a great fic. Definitely worth the wait!!! I would've waited even longer for this! :D (3/11)

you could've dropped this in 2019 & i still would've been like yES OH BOY HERE WE GOOOOO asdfghjkl. She's testosterone... Is like a Perfect��� fic. It's so funny it makes you wanna piss yourself. The second hand embarrassment is so bad you have to hide your face because you're turning beat red too! (Is that you you spell beat?! Beet???) The fluff parts are so /good/ whenever they happen you're just like yES!!! It's like, you know when you're reading something, and there's these 2 characters (4/11)

Frankly, She’s Testosterone is the best comedy I’ve ever been able to do haha my sense of humour can’t get any better than that in writing. I also realllllly despise reading dense characters cause I want to scream like you ‘ARE YOU BLIND?!’ but it was actually really amusing being on the writing side of it. I’ve never written a dense character before - (hint, hint) in one of my future fics they’ll be another slightly dense OC but that’s to come :3

also I think it’s beet red? hahaha omg I’m always afraid that my fluff is cringey but whelp it’s good for the ‘crackness’ of the fic.

you really like and something is like about to Happen™ and you're like DEAR LORD IT'D BE SO FREAKEN GREAT IF [BLANK] HAPPENS and then BAM!!!! you make it happen!!! It's like you've read the reader's mind and then as you were reading their mind you wrote it! Lmao! You gave us everything we could've wanted 😭😭😭 this fic is like everyone's guilty pleasure there's no holding back, you've indulged us with all our wildest dreams ;-; (5/11)

This fic is everything i ever could've asked for& everything i didn't even think about asking for😭& listen idk if this is a latino thing but i love that approval from the parents!! It really warms my heart!! Gah! &the way yoongi was so ready in his nice white button down & nice pants & waxed hair!! That boy was dressed to impress! & i LOVED HOW Y/N'S PARENTS WERE JUST LIKE HER AKDJSHS YOU COULD SEE EXACTLY WHERE HER PERSONALITY CAME FROM😭😭i'm not gonna lie her dad made me rlly emotional(6/11)

like wow what a nice dad ;~; anD HOSEOK'S CHARACTER I LITERALLY LOVED HIM SO MUCH he was so funny!!!!!!! I could feel his passion! Everytime those tears started falling i was like yes👏ho👏seok👏 let it all out boy! 😭👏🙏🙌 i love passionate people! 😂 even if they're ridiculously passionate ajdhsk passion is good! & jin's character! Loved how he was like this untouchable conceited person but after finding y/n crying we pretty much saw he's as much of a weirdo as everyone else 😂(7/11) 

jimin was too much for me tbh i was like boy wHERE IS YOUR DOWNFALL?! (tho that ending was hella cute he really is too pure for this world) and namJOOOOOOOOOOON my boy!! I love namjoon so much ajdkdjg and his character in this story had me on the flooooor he was like the exact opposite of how people usually write him! And i loved it!!! Okay moving on to jungkook that boooooyyy every time he spoke i just glared at him in my head and face palmed he was so sHy such a smol shy bean stop acting(8/11)

Your message is making my heart so warm. If you also notice through my writing, most of the parents (aside from The Wicked Witch) are really nice, approving parents. I do that because of 2 reasons. #1 - ‘The parents trying to rip the kids apart’ trope really pisses me off hahahaha I get so upset and angry as the reader/audience so I never write it. #2 - My own parents would never be so accepting so at least the parents of my characters can be nicer ahaha.

The image of Yoongi dressing up for her parents that you described is exactly like that. I also intentionally tried to make her parents similar to her, give the family the ‘silly village idiot’ vibe haha. Also, writing Jin’s character was one of the biggest things I struggled with since I didn’t know what to basis it off of and I had to go back to watch the vapp episode, I managed in the end though and I’m glad you liked him :3

Oh Jimin....I have no words for him as the writer lol. AND YES NAMJOON! He is my favourite character in the fic by far. Everyone writes him as smart or philosophical, sometimes a sly ‘daddy’ playboy/fratboy but I never knew it would be so hilarious to write him as a complete idiot. Honestly, I might write a fic like that later in the future hahahahahhaha.

like you don't care everyone can see through your act! & OKAY THIS IS TOTALLY IRRELEVANT(well kind of)but i'm not a big shipper between the members, & consequently i don't read a lot of mxm fics but my friend is like OBSESSED with taekook & recently she's been sending me a lot of domestic taekook fics & i read them & love them all cuz they're just so cute!! 😭😭 domestic things in general really pull at my heart strings ;-; so THAT BIT OF IMPLIED TAEKOOK FEELS AT THE END really hit me!! 😭(9/11)

right in my corazon ;-; also, i /totally/ wholeheartedly shipped tae and y/n for like a solid five minutes and i was like LET THEM END UP TOGETHER OR LET /SOMETHING/ HAPPEN but then yoongi swooped back in and i was fully loyal to my y/n x yoongi feels. IDK IF YOU CAN TELL but i really freaking loved and enjoyed this fic, and i know it's gonna be one of those fics that i go back and reread over and over again. This fic had me cringing, laughing, (10/11)

Ah, personally I’m okay with shipping (pretty neutral towards it) but yeah, I don’t read too many mxm fics either. There’s a reason I threw it in. BECAUSE I WAS EXACTLY LIKE YOU! I was writing Tae and the OC and it was supposed to be a way where Yoongi would get lowkey jealous but as I was writing, I thought....wow the OC and Tae are kind of cute together....they should like end up together and then I was like NOOOOO THAT’S NOT PART OF THE PLAN! It broke my heart to make Tae end up by himself so I was thinking about the other characters and I thought Jungkook was the perfect fit, despite their characters being very odd with each other haha.

slapping knees, burying my face into pillows screaming, squealing, & had me making my family thoroughly question my sanity! I want to say that i'm sad that it's over, but i don't think i am! At least not right now 😂 i'm on a reading high, & that was great! Later i'll probably be wishing i could indulge in their adventures forevermore, but for now, i am very, very happy & content with this perfect piece of writing :') bless you, jimlings! & Thank you so so much for sharing this with us!❤(11/11)

Thank you so much. Your message has made my heart warm. I hope whatever you’re celebrating this holiday season, you’ll have a good time.

Are you... Are you serious?!?! 18??? Same day.... Same year!! We're exactly the same age aksjfhskdlsb i'm dead

:O I guess we’re same aged friends!! COOOL!

[joylessholland]

Just A Guy I Like (Part 2/?)

TOMxMALEREADER

(1,500 exactly) 

Warnings: Swearing, Homosexuality (This is the last time i make this a warning cuz get over it lol) 

A/N: I got love on the last part and i’m so exited to bring you the next one, I have ideas for more parts at least one so let me know if you want it and send me ideas for more stuff!  ENJOY

Part One    Masterlist

Mags: Who was it

Me: What the hell Mags its 3am

Mag: I know but I’m freaking out who left u the number

Me: IDK

Mags: You haven’t texted them yet

Me: Is this the only reason you texted me, if so I’m going to bed!!

Your phone dings again, you turn it off and with a huff try to fall back asleep

       The bell above the door chimes and you see Maggie. It was early Sunday morning the only people in the diner were the early morning mass crowd and the walk of shames. “What’s wrong with the back door” you say helping Mags her purse as pours coffee into a mug “Joe was taking a piss out there again” she said taking her purse and placing it in her locker, you open the door peeking out at Joe the old homeless man who frequented the alley behind the diner “Morning Joe” you call as Maggie hand you the mugs. “Coffees fresh” you say Joe beams a toothless smile “Your two are so kind” he smiles “Don’t mention it Sweetheart, oh wait here” you tap his arm and rush inside. A moment passes and you return with a brown paper bag “No, I can’t take that” Joe smiles sadly “Look it’s a piece of warm day-old meatloaf, dry bread, and a piece of pie from yesterday that Morgan throws out anyway” you coo “Thank you so much, Vince and you too Maggie dearest” “Have a good day Joe” you call back entering the building

             The bell rings again “I’m sorry to tear myself away from this riveting conversation but I have a table” you say to Mags who for the last hour has nonstop been trying to get you to text the number while you and her were folding napkins “This isn’t over” “Oh, god I’d hope not” getting off the floor, you grab a menu and scan your section your eyes fixing on a head of brown curls sitting at the corner booth. Squatting on your knees you whisper to Maggie “Its him” “What,” she pokes her head out from behind the counter “Go now, Go, Go, GO!” she squeaks “Fine, jeez” getting up Morgan is standing in front of the counter arms folded “You have a table, do you want me to get it?” he asks reaching for the menus “No, I got it” you swat at his hands.

             “Back again British” you coo at Tom who is sitting swiping through his phone “And the foods not that great so” “You caught me” “Coffee” “Sure” you walk off to the counter to pick up a put of fresh coffee “What did he say” Mags said still on the floor “IF you don’t get up off that floor” you snap grabbing a mug. “What can I get for you” there is long pause before Tom finally speaks “Did you get my note” he asks sheepishly “So, it was you. Mags and I should have put money on it. God know she was talking about it enough.” You giggle as you look down at his red face “I’m Just joking Sweetheart, what can I get you” “Diner, tonight” “Ok tiger” you laugh sitting down across from him “Come on, it took all my courage to even write that note” “I get off at five pick me up here…” you scribble your address on you order pad and give it to him “at six” you smile “Now what can I get you” “I didn’t actually come here for food, I came here to ask you out and I didn’t even think I would, how much for the coffee” “Nothing, don’t worry about it” he gives you a smile and walks to the door sending a wink to Maggie at the pie counter

             “I’m not wearing that” you laugh at Mags as she hold up a top hat “Why it’s so amazing” “You can I have it I don’t even know why I have it” you say picking through your closet looking for something to wear on your date in a half an hour “It’s from your Abe Lincoln costume from two years ago when you went as him and I went as…” “John Wilkes Booth” You both break down in laughter “Fucking iconic” she says placing the hat on her head “How’s this?” you stood in pair of acid washed blue jeans, black converse, a white tee covered by your favorite black leather jacket. “Oh my god you look so good, is this how mothers feel on their kids first day of school” “No it’s not, if I were a mother the feeling of finally getting rid of my child would be pure relief!” “Did you have to ruin the moment, gimme a twirl” you complied and you hear he clap “I feel like a pageant queen” “Drag Queen maybe” Mags snickers “Ha-Ha” you mock sticking your tongue out. A buzz rings out and you gather your things but before you open the door you stop and take a deep breath “Shit” you breath putting your back to the door “What’s wrong” she asks “I- I might be nervous” you say feeling the blood rush to your face “Wait, You can feel human emotion” “Fuck you” you snap playfully exiting the apartment.

             Outside Tom was leaning against his car whipping his palms on his black jeans. The red shirt he was wearing hugged his body and you couldn’t help admire the view before he noticed you “Hey, you look great. It’s nice to see you without an apron on” he said opening the door for you “What no flowers” you playfully say “Wait, was I sup-supposed to…” he fumbles over his words “It was joke, I do that sometimes” you say placing a hand on his arm before entering the car. He enters the car and starts to drive. The smell of his cologne was nice it was the first thing your mind wondered to on the silent drive “This is kinda my first date with a guy” he spoke so quietly “You’re doing fine Sweetheart” you giggle “It’s just you’re so proud of who you are and that’s so…amazing” she says a huge grin plastered on his boyish features “I wasn’t always” you say shyly “Really” “Yeah” “I never would have thought” he snickered “What did you think a just strutted out of the whom and threw rainbow confetti everywhere” “Kinda” he laughed.

You arrived at the small restaurant getting a table in the back after ordering he picked up the conversation from the car “So how did your family take it” he asked sipping his soda “it’s always just been me and my mom and she took it well I mean I think she always knew” “I don’t even know how my families gonna take it” he said his gaze locked on you “ Look, the world is fucking mean, people are fucking mean, but when you find the right people who love you for who you really are, they help block out all the bad and you can focus on their good.” you place a hand on his forearm and he smiles “Thanks, its not just my family, it’s the fans, what are they gonna say!” he smiled shyly and you could see how vulnerable he was in that moment  “It’s not like you being gay changes their life, your sexuality doesn’t change the way you act, Spiderman” “You said you didn’t know who I was?” he cocked his brow “I may or may not have googled you” “I feel so honored, What else do you want to know, I know I have questions for you?” he asks “Fire away”

             The night was full of endless questions, laughs and what was supposed to be an hour-long dinner turned into a two-hour long meal, a walk in the park in the cool Los Angeles night air, and car ride full of the two of you singing songs that you both liked at the top of your lungs. When he finally pulled in front of your apartment he got out of the car and stood with you in front of the door “I have one last question for you” “What’s that” “Can I kiss you” he asked your cheeks flushing pink as you grab his hand and pull him close “Sure” he closed the small gap in between your lips and pulled you into a deep kiss your hand find the back his neck. The kiss was magical you didn’t know a kiss could have so much emotion but this one did! When he broke the kiss, he ran his finger down your chin “Call me this time ok” he pecked your lips again and got in his car driving off, Leaving you alone on the sidewalk. When you hear a scream break the silence of the night you look up to see Maggie hanging her head out of the window “Bitch, get up here right now” she shouts!

here are some people

@midtownvaledictorian @tiemeupspidey @letsgetfuckingsuperwholocked @natalie-kn @panicatttckiss @seilamigliorcosacheabbiamaivisto @maggie-starz @mendes-holland @captain-katie-xx @vaeyron @wonderyoung @champagneholland

[goldenscript]

badboy!wonwoo

meet jeon wonwoo

he’s actually a really great artist like his parents got him a lil blank note book with yknow crayons and stuff and he used to go ham on it like all the time

as he grew up, it became his outlet to getting thru life bc even as a kid he was pretty intimidating and it wasn’t like he was very outgoing anyway so it affected the way other kids treated him

they always shunned him, telling him to go away and often equated him to that kid from the ring when it came out so he just stayed away from people and lived in his own bubble

art was a companion that could never shun him

however art also became a detrimental coping mechanism so excessively to the point where he was often doodling instead of completing his schoolwork so the only way his teachers could think to get him out of this mindset was reprimanding him for it

of course, it had an opposite effect

he continued to do as he pleased, becoming a lot more stubborn in the time that he was ostracized by his peers for not finding enjoyment in the same things as them and the older he got, the more this mindset became ingrained in him 

no matter what art was an important part of his life and no one was going to take that away from him

inevitably, wonwoo found interest in different forms of art from paint to colored pencils

but his ultimate favorite art form was graffiti

there was a united front about the way other graffiti artists in the ways each of them made their art their own, formulating their own stories without establishing an actual face

the artist was who they made themselves out to be. not rumors or stories about a boy who had no friends aside from the paintbrushes held between clenched fingertips 

and for him, he became someone more than just that weird looking grudge boy kid

he was someone.... he belonged somewhere

throughout high school, he developed a persona called jeon. given that’s his last name, he formulated this just for the sake of vaguieness and cuz he couldn’t really think of anything else LOL

so jeon is someone who battles his demons with a stare, kinda like medusa but he doesn’t turn them to stone. he turns them into paintings

he memorializes them for what they really are- mean people, demons, scary stuff only little kids dream of and for the most part, they become a hit to his graffiti buds and for anyone who is everyone (though those who aren’t in the graffiti community have no actual clue that this cool dude is wonwoo even if they share a surname)

this goes on for some time, even into wonwoo’s final year of high school where he’s graduating cuz mingyu, his new bff and only friend, encourages him after he told the older boy how he wanted to go to the city for school and it motivated wonwoo to spread his wings from his small town and wander ya know?

around the time when he’s integrating into college life with mingyu and their other friends scoups and vernon, he actually continues jeon throughout seoul city in subtle ways though not many people recognize it

anyway, with being in college, his maternal aunt sends her son aka his cousin, jeon jeongguk over just to experience some of the college life. she wanted wonwoo to show the younger jeon how college is beneficial even for misfits like himself (passive aggressive way of going abt it but wonwoo is just like “ok whateves”)

although it makes mingyu whiny that they have to lug around a kid who’s only two years younger and just as lanky and tall lol, wonwoo doesn’t mind showing his cousin around the city and letting him touch his stuff and eventually jeongguk discovers wonwoo’s sketchbook snippets of jeon and he gets all “??? what’s this??” finally an interest piqued in their time spent together and wonwoo lets him in on the secret after seeing how into the art his cuzzo is

as wonwoo explains the piece, jeongguk is so immersed and interested, he actually gets into the whole bit, wanting to do his own kind of art form bc he’s always enjoyed doodling and well, wonwoo can’t resist so he agrees to teach his cousin the craft

they go out to the tunnels near this abandoned train, just spraying around but enjoying themselves as twilight breaks and it’s nearly pitch black (though they have flashlights to help them out), jeongguk makes up a persona called kookie

he says he’s kind of like jeon but the art he memorializes highlights the good possibilities, that there’s light in darkness and he turns around those shitty monsters so they can be happy 

it’s cute really and wonwoo loves it cuz his cuzzo is happy too

unfortunately, there’s a patrol cop on the prowl trying to get his mitts on people like wonwoo and he sees small lights emitting from the tunnels and the two get caught tho wonwoo is quick to shut his light off, shutting guk’s off and telling the younger boy to run until he’s a safe enough distance that wonwoo feels relieved 

they decide not to go out for a while, hoping to avoid the same situation they suffered thru

but guk’s not done. he has more to add, and well, bc he went alone, he nearly gets caught before he sprints off and calls his cousin in fear and panic bc he doesn’t know what to do and fuck he rlly doesn’t want to go to jail or something 

and well, wonwoo can barely register his actions before he goes to the very tunnel and makes it blatantly obvious that he’s the one “defacing” the wall and he gets the blame for “kookie” 

he gets put on community service duty, forced to clean up the “vandalism” and set a 700 dollar fine that he knows his family can’t pay

of course his family doesn’t want to help, only wishing for him to learn from his mistakes and be an adult so he gets a job at the local convenience store and although he isn’t allowed to talk to jeongguk, his younger cousin feels awful, trying to keep in contact with wonwoo despite having to cut all ties with him

and that small convenience store is where you and him meet actually

it’s your second year at the university like wonwoo and as part of your work-study program, you decide to take up a position at the nearby convenience store since it’s close to your dorm and you really didn’t want to work at the sporting goods store on campus

going there, wonwoo is at the register, looking pretty bored and when he sees you, his eyes go a little wide before he asks if you’re y/n bc he’ll be training you and you agree only flushing a little bc wow he’s pretty cute and holy shit he looks intimidating (well at least until he starts trying to “train” you)

to say the least, wonwoo is only a little flustered by you bc holy shit you’re so nice to him

you don’t care if he’s too quiet or too shy sometimes and if anything you make it blatantly obvious that you like talking to him and he doesn’t get that at all

but bc of this mild confusion from him, it’s a steady burn for you two actually get to know one another but like most burns it’s an ache that soothes the coldest of hearts and it’s exactly that for him

you two will talk about your majors and what you like and he gets happy when he hears you gush about art especially pieces that obviously mean something 

don’t get even him started when you say you like banksy work and even these subliminal pieces you catch on the street aka his cuz he actually didn’t realize how mini jeon pieces would catch anyone’s eyes and yeah he gets unbelievably happy to see you talk about it with wonder

it’s really cute bc your training goes on for two weeks and he’s made it an unconscious effort to walk you to the dorms after closing

even afterwards, he still continues to walk you 

he can’t explain why even when you ask but it’s something he does and he continues when you make no moves to protest against it and he can’t help but smile to himself abt that

for some reason, he can’t get you out of his mind 

maybe it’s the nice gestures or the fact that you like his art or something but there’s something about you that gives him this swell of emotion he hasn’t felt since he created jeon tbh

you’re so new and different to him and for all the kindness you show him he’s truly grateful 

he isn’t sure how to express it tho especially when even talking to you is still new for him so he actually asks his friends for help

seungcheol told him to just let you know how he feels 

(wonwoo: hell no)

vernon: ummm.... idk bro 

(wonwoo: (-: thanks.... Bro)

mingyu: KISS THEM IN THE RAIN

(wonwoo: you punk what the-)

the ironic part: so, one day when you two are working together and it’s nearly time to go, it actually begins to rain and this moment where he shrugs off his leather jacket and drapes it above your heads as you wait for the rain to cease beneath the thin canopy, you look up at him with those fluttery eyes and his breath just catches in his throat and you glance at his lips, biting at yours with conflict in your eyes and suddenly-

you kiss him

you just do it after you release your lip

and he’s all red in the face trying to make sense of it before you start apologizing and he has to stop you, practically dropping his jacket on you which he apologizes profusely over

“d-dammit, i’m sorry god i’m a klutz... that kiss just rlly got to me cuz i wanted to kiss you and you just kissed me and holy shit did i just say that am i still talking why am i still tal-”

you hop on your tip toes and peck his lips once more and smile “well i’m glad i kissed you, wonwoo... i rlly like you” 

and he’s just in awe like wow YOU LIKE HIM TOO and naturally y’all go out on a date but one insecurity about him that he still hasn’t mentioned to you is the fact that he got busted for graffiti and that’s why he’s at the convenience store

he always danced around the subject so now that you two have become even closer, he finds it hard to admit to his crime bc before it never mattered when no one else really mattered to him as much as you do...

it really upsets him when that cop who busted him sees him and starts messing with him in front of you on your date together and although you’re confused he actually doesn’t tell you anything about it

no phone calls, no texts, and when he calls in sick from work that following weekend, you’re determined to figure out what happened

so you hunt down mingyu and ask him where wonwoo is, he tells you where the dorm is bc he knows that you mean a lot to wonwoo if he was that upset abt you knowing why he was working so when you get there you use mingyu’s key and searching for wonwoo who’s hiding in his bed 

not that he’s noticed you yet

his hair’s a mess and he actually looks paler than usual 

you can see in his hands are holding a black leather bound sketch book and he’s doodling away, possibly trying to cope and you sigh

when he hears your voice, he freezes up, trying to burrow away in his blankets until you stop him and try to get him to open up to you bc dammit you care so damn much abt him and him trying to push you away will only bring you back trying to smash that damn shell of his harder

until finally he relents and tells you abt what happened and you just hug him, telling him to move over and you lay beside and ask why he didnt want you to know that

and yeah he’s surprised you’re not condemning him to hell like so many other people have but he can’t help but cling to you as he replies “it’s not the most optimal thing you tell your significant other yknow”

you shrug, giving him a squeeze

“Well you can tell me anything and i’ll accept you, wonwoo. i promise” 

from then, he’s a lot more open with you tbh

he’ll show you sketches about jeon and you make him tell you every story he has about those ones just because you love to hear his voice

you don’t really mean to be so forceful with him but it takes prompting for him bc he gets so scared that you’ll reject his ideas but when you don’t he gets so confident and happy, he’s like a puppy 

on your dates he likes to doodle on napkins and you collect every single one

one time he just doodles a mash potato monster and you kept it in a scrapbook with the rest of the doodles and he just giggled at the sight

on your anniversary he actually drew an companion for jeon named miss jae. although she wasn’t battling monsters, she helped him with her powers of support and light 

as a surprise he actually took you out to a different spot and graffiti’d the two together and it was just the sweetest thing ever 

it’s his way of saying “i love you” and even when you complain that you have no super talent like this he still grins and says “yes you do. just say that and i’m all yours” 

(he’s a closet greaseball y’all)

the rest of the boys were rlly happy to see how happy you made wonwoo, even inviting you to one of their shows where you discovered yet another talent of his 

and you couldn’t help but gush about him bc of it

sometimes to people at the store, to his friends, to his mom (who loves you btw), and basically anyone who listens 

even when he’s begging you to stop with pink cheeks, you just grin up at him and say “no way. you’re amazing and everyone should know it. EVERYONE”

those are the times he likes to shut you up with a kiss 

[survivor-all-stars-blog]

EP 9: “I'll Be a Fucking Pawn For Y'all If It Saves My Ass" - Carson

FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK WHEN WILL THINGS ACTUALLY GO MY WAY?  NEVER. :/  

This sucks so much, y'all are awesome for getting Kait to her SECOND win.

That could've been cleaner. Yikes.

This vote obviously put me in something of a weird position. I was never going to vote Kait because of our alliance. And yes, I firmly believe she'd side with me over the alleged Malay-cult. She and I have been closer than a lot of allies I've had in these games so far. We're in lockstep, we're keeping each other sane, and we're not even talking exclusively strategy. The best alliances are formed by people who like each other's outlooks and attitudes, right? That's me and Kait right now.

I was also never going to vote Jack or Lydia because of our awesome Thotse quad with Wes. And I was not likely to vote Steffen unless there was a critical mass going his way. That left us with Ruthie (immune,) Carson and Jakey (on Kabru with me.) So, shit.

Anyway, I told MJ I might try to protect Jake if I could because they both want to work together. But the momentum started swinging his way, and it became even more locked in when he started targeting Kait. His best play would've been to target Steffen or Carson, and even then I'm not sure he could've rallied the votes. 

Not wanting to be totally screwed on Kabru after a blindside, I didn't really engage with Jake too much. He came to me asking me to vote with him, almost as a last resort I feel? We hadn't talked since the swap, and he only came to me at 6:30, even though I know for a fact he was talking with others throughout the day. He told me he had Ruthie, Jack and Steffen locked in. I knew the latter two just weren't true. So rather than give him false hope, I checked with the latter two that their votes hadn't changed, then told Jake the votes weren't as locked in as he thought. 

And he, somewhat predictably, lost his shit. He didn't want to accept that, telling me that if I voted for him, he'd stay... that my vote was the difference maker... that I was too far up Kait's ass to see it... that I needed to grow a fucking backbone... that I'm pathetic.... that I'm terrible at the game...

Yeah, I've played enough games by now to know nothing good comes from engaging in someone who's resorting to personal shots. So I disengaged. And I think Jake may have forgotten there's a second game going on, in his blind rage? As a multiple-time pre-juror, I know for a fact that it's so not worth getting upset over. Shit happens, the game doesn't break your way. But attacking people over it accomplishes exactly nothing. From what I hear, it sounds like I got off easy too. Apparently he ripped hard into Carson, Kait, Lydia and Jack too.

I don't like when people are sore losers. I don't like when people go for personal shots in a game that's meant to be fun. But I especially don't like when people do both of the above to my friends. Fuck that noise. Any chance of me wanting to work with Jake on Kabru went out the window with that, and I'm sure he feels likewise based on that vote. If it makes sense, I might vote with him as a matter of necessity, but he's not long for this game if I have my say. Bye Felicia.

Normally I would've been more upset about the vote being delayed a few hours, but between the extenuating circumstances out of the hosts' control and the fact that Jake still would've been in the One World chat anyway, nothing noticeably changed. So, fuck it, what's two hours of waiting?

Anyway I like slither.io. It's not my best game, but I enjoy it. Can't wait to put up a high score and show Jake that he's not God's gift to competitions. "Oh mind you I’m the best competitor on this tribe. Not tooting my own horn, just looking back at past performances."??? Like, fuck you? One unnecessarily long endurance run in an early comp doesn't mean we should all just bow down to your *~clear challenge superiority~*. Different people are skilled at different things. 

I'm so glad nobody responded to his diatribe in the OW chat. The last thing he needed was to be enabled. His perspective is just that – HIS perspective. It's clear he doesn't really have a grasp of how this game is playing out, or else he might not have been the one to go last night.

Gage is super duper cute! But he never responds to my messages, so I am super duper not happy about that! Like, Gage, please. C'mon, Gage. Get it together. C'mon. I sent him what I did in the adventure, and you know the response I got? It was a riveting, rambling silence. Like...? What!? Didn't Gage WIN once or something?? How did he manage that??? Did he sleepwalk there, or were the other people in the final tribal council just that bad? I am completely befuddled.

Oh MJ really just threw me under the bus eh? I can't believe I got the full Olympics experience in one night. Choke.

Oh not me getting one of the highest scores on both my tribes for a flash game!? What a foreign concept. 

safe in both games, so i have time to work on RELATIONSHIPS and read my book on how to win survivor so i can win this!!!!

please help

mj and pat treating me like pawns for the adventure! love it.

ill be a fucking pawn for yall if it saves my ass but an idol or something WOULD be nice.

In other news, Jimmy is the bee's knees. Yes, he is! He is so very cool! Yes, he's hip!

me and kait on call

i think theres an imbalance of trust between mj and i.

i trust him wholeheartedly as hes my only close ally, but he sees me as expendable from what i get from our conversations. he barely responds and i obviously seem to be of lesser priority? but idk maybe im just paranoid, but im holding on for dear life

me pressuring mj into sending his screenshots of his latest chats and seeing almost all of them are about the game! how iconic.

LISTEN I REALLY WANNA KILL THE OA TONIGHT. LIKE I WANT OWEN TO LEAVE. i'm just in this STUPID FUCKENING SPOT in the middle of jenn and jimmy and LOGI-WAN????????? IS LEAKING SHIT TO JENN THAT I WANT JENN OUT ??? OR SOME SHIT LIKE WHAT ARE YOU PLAYING AT SDGJSDKLSD;  GOD. 

i have more to say but i will wait for after class but i'm still like i legit don't know what i wanna do

i'm gonna need a pair of cargo shorts for all the people logi-wan thinks i have in my pockets!!!

Sorry that I've been kinda AWOL but it's because I've been feeling pretty shitty about my position in the game as a whole. I'm very lucky to have Matt in the game who is always willing to have strategic conversations that I know will provide me with a secure outlet that's not going to make my position even worse. I told him I planned on making a fake idol but idk if I'll go ahead with exposing that I have an "idol" to my tribe due to current changes in circumstances that I'll talk about later. Jakey's exposing of the tight Malaysian core alliance has made them change their tune which I'm really happy about because I'm sure I'm the target tonight (thanks Owen, you suck), but thankfully Jimmy exists and wants to work with me to pull off some move because the Malaysian's are going whack and he is thankful I saved him all that time ago back in Easter Island? I- I didn't do that much except kill my own game but thank you for willing to switch shit up! 

It looks like their might be a chance I will stay tonight, however there are several different stories being played out on this tribe. Logan told me flat out it's me. However Jimmy told me Logan approached him and Jenn to vote out Gage? I don't get why when clearly Gage showed him loyalty? I'm not complaining cuz it means the vote would not be on me. But I think it's gonna be on me since Jenn reassured that it probably was. So it would come down to MJ voting with Jenn/Jimmy over Owen/Logan. Alternatively I could be a total bitch and expose a plan if I'm totally unsure what to do, or 10 minutes before tribal I could post my fake messages and idol that I found to hopefully send them into a panic and switch their votes off me and onto someone not me. It's a tough position to be in cuz I don't want to reveal I've an idol and for it to backfire somehow, but also how it may look untrustworthy to my alliance if I "had" an idol and didnt "play" it. So hmm. I'm concerned because Gage seems to be going after Logan now but is trying to get Owen? I fear this is where it could blow up. 4 of these people are going to both tribals so it's a very tricky situation. If the plan falls apart, the votes might just all fall back onto me because I'm the "easy vote". I have to see what happens and make a calculated decision before tribal that will work in my favour.  

It could be game over, or game on. 

So like, I want Gage to go home. He is going to both tribals like Jenn, Jimmy, and Owen. Lydia and Owen are in the minority in Game B, so I'm thinking they're going to be easy boots because Gage is close to Kait. Well, I don't want that to happen, obviously. They're both my allies. But I'm also on good terms with Jenn and Jimmy, so I don't want them to go. Kait isn't an option because Kait isn't going to both tribals, and no one wants an angry, scorned Kait in the game. That's like leaving a provoked bear in the game. No thanks! Plus I'm good with her, too. That leaves Gage, and he made it super easy for me to want him gone by not speaking to me at all, lol. I sent you the receipts of my adventure, the least you can do is respond! Rude!!! Anyways, yeah, Gage should go. Also, he is trying to target me, I guess? Which is also not cool. Good Guy Gage is going down.

please god

WHOA I WON THAT IMMUNITY HUH!!!!!! im honestly not that worried if we lose just bc ik i have mj ruthie and matt on my side no matter what and that would at least tie it. but basically i tried to go on call with owen and kait to smooth over some relationships... i rly intended to work with owen if he would let me but he went and told kait the one piece of information i told him which was that i heard that lydia and kait made a deal to stay.. owen u rly know how to piss me OFF huh

i had a pretty good call with kait and i hope it was enough that if mj did keep me if we lose on tribe b, she wouldn't flip her shit and come after mj. mj is literally the saving grace of my game and ill do anything for him in this game. if that means i gotta be fake with kait and pretend like i wanna smooth things over and work together then ill do that. anyway ruthie is a legend and will win this season bookmark THAT

I've been laying SUPER low.  Like, I apologized to Kait and told her I was close to voting her out because she scares me as a player or whatever, but that I really wanted to work with her because we didn't get a chance to work together in Trashy, and then I also threw in how my good friend Ashley Sarah liked playing with her so much when Kait was catfishing in Canaries and hopefully we bonded a bit.  SHE FREAKING TERRIFIES ME but if working with her keeps me around longer, I'm all for it.  I'm not going to try to make anymore big moves for awhile because as much as I want to, I don't want to piss off the rest of the people in the tribes.  

My goal now is to stay close with Steffen, Steve and keep talking to Pat because he's just so nice.  He's genuinely the nicest person playing in my opinion.  I'm also going to stay close to Jakey, he's my number one, and I'm going to stay close to Carson as well, and just try to stay on his good side and stuff.  I don't want to take Carson to the end, there is no way.  As much as I love Steffen I'd rather not take him to the end either.  Jakey I could see, going all the way with but we both have to stay in order for anything like that to actually happen.  

I don't know if I made the right choice in putting my foot down about voting Jimmy over Gage. Every option seems bad in my opinion, but I think I've made it pretty clear I want Gage around, just to turn my back and vote him next time... I don't know. This will probably bite me in the ass somehow, like maybe Gage is lying to me and Lydia will end up going, or idk god knows what will happen....

Nobody has really talked to me since I went to dinner at 6:30... So part of me just feels like I'm getting clocked on both tribes. Either way, I guess I'll see what happens. 

I don't want this to be the end, really, and I don't know if it's smart to try and take control in a game where everything spreads like fire and is painfully obvious. I just gotta keep crossing my fingers, huH!

Time off???? from this game????? A concept! I don't know what to do with my hands.

gage is leaving????? maybe.... even tho i'd prefer owen leaving but... everything is so risky and shaky at this point im so KJDFHJKDHS NNNNNNNNNNNNNNN 

This may be my last confessional! I decided against playing the fake idol card because I didn't want it to blow up the plan currently in place. If it goes how I hope I should survive but I've still got low expectations. Secondly, I'm a bad explainer of things and I didn't want to get caught out and laughed at because I made a silly idol. It's a card I'll keep in my pocket if I survive. If not, I'll be thankful to those who tried to keep me in the game and I'll wish my allies luck in surviving. But fingers crossed and all the other stereotypical survival things to say. Lets goooooooo

I guess Gage is coming for me, so I had to switch my vote against him. If he knew how much I'd been doing to protect his ass, maybe he'd think differently.

It's a shame when people's stupid decisions prevent others from doing the right thing. Oh well! STUPID.

I had three calls the hour before tribal with Jenn, Lydia, and Owen and they were all concerned with getting Gage out, and then he gets voted out unanimously in both games. I'm glad all that time I spent trying to get him out wasn't wasted. Bye-bye, Gage! Don't target me next time, okay?

Whew I am so happy I survived but extremely sad that it came at Gage's expense. I really would've loved to work with him because he's honest, caring, charming etc. He's just a all round good guy and buddy. I'm also interested that suddenly I'm making a whole pack of new friends? Kait (although drunk) is talking to me for the first time since day 1 and secondly Owen has found his voice to chat to me! So I'm very interested to see what position this could put me in. I'm also shook that Matt thought my idol was real? I told him it was fake before I made it gdfihgkol. Maybe I should pull it out if it's convincing enough! Also I'm surprised Lydia came to me and goes "you're welcome". Um. I'm not sure you swung the vote on my tribe to Gage considering there was talk of it being him at lunchtime today? Like. I'm crediting Jenn and Jimmy for that one so sorry this isn't Port Royal and I'm a different player. Just cuz I'm in a shitty position doesn't mean I'm not beginning around for whatever scraps I can find. I HOPE this tribal is  turning point for me, but you hosts are sending us all to tribal again so I'll probably get taken out as the easy vote, but I trust Jenn/Jimmy to at least tie it for us.