#hope y'all have had an ok time. adulting has been and is -a journey-

[scrambledtrolls]

Is it truly the tumblr experience unless you've been gone for literal years and log in to find several nsfw bots in your messages?

Wazzup, y'all. Been a hot minute.

[wachtelspinat]

hi! i found your blog like an hour ago (though i've been familiar with your art for a /long/ time; when i read that ask you got earlier about you being THE tf2 artist, i thought to myself, "wow, really? the only tf2 art i can think of that's deserving of that description is [vividly pictures YOUR fanart]" -- so when i checked your art tag it was genuinely like encountering a celebrity, heh. all this to say, you really ARE The TF2 Artist. it's an honor to finally properly follow your blog :]). i've been reading your posts about your personal journeys (both physical and emotional/self-conceptual) and i've just been... really really moved by it all? your openness with feeling disconnected with your art, and then how you've slowly come to reconnect with it in a new way and restructure it back into your life... it just fills me with so much catharsis and hope. because life is hectic and things change so much and the way that one creates art as an adult is going to be different than how one created art as a teenager... so to see you acknowledge that fact and then share your own journey? ahh god like i said... it's really profound. i'm a lot younger than you (i turn 20 next month, actually!), so you've experienced so much more to life than me, and hearing how you've struggled with and then gotten out of so many of the fears that i have is just... deeply, deeply inspiring to me. especially your latest posts about your time in australia, and how it's always been something you've wanted to do but spent so many years stuck/anxious/stagnant... and how now you've finally actually *done it* and it's *real* and that you had the most amazing incredible time that exceeded all your expectations?!?! and not only that, but how finally achieving this thing you've always wanted changes the narrative of how you previously defined yourself... that now maybe you ARE the sort of person who can do the things you love and have the things that make you happy... maybe i'm projecting too much here heh god but my point is. it just made me very emotional and so VERY very utterly elated for you :'] and just augh. i am so glad you've had this incredible experience. and like i've said half a dozen times by now (because it's just so true) it is just. so inspiring to me. everything you've shared with such honesty and humanity has been just so profoundly moving to see and it fills me with so much hope. thank you for sharing your journey with us, and thank you as always, past and present and future, for your art. i hope this message isn't too terribly parasocial, and if it is, i apologize ;_; and i hope you're having a lovely day!!!

hey there !

this kind of hit me like a truck but in the most positive way, and i am not exaggerating when i say what you wrote also brought me to tears.

first of all thanks for your generous words regarding my art and sdkjfhkjas i still cannot wrap my head around the idea that you (and at least one other person) thinks about me as THE tf2 artist because... i like my art just fine, it's just there are other folks out there, with their almost god-like tf2 art, meanwhile i just spammed y'all with my sniperxspy art and some random silly stuff over the years... but i love it, so thank you so so much, the thought that you guys dig my art this much will always knock me right off my feet in the most positive way 🧡🧡🧡

ok so, the next part took me a while to formulate because how do i respond to such a heartfelt message in a way that shows my gratitude just right? like i want to thank you again for reaching out and writing all this, but also for taking your time and reading through my blog. i know that everything i post here is open to the internet and a lot of ppl, so sharing personal information (in form of updates in life) is not always the best idea. but i always admired ppl on here that were able to reflect on their lives and share what they've learned. even if it's just somethig as simple as "and after each day comes another and it will be different, for the worse or the better, but different at least", which, falling on the right ears at a specific time, can change perspective (it did for me on multiple occasions, this and other takes, because hearing from ppl who go through similar things is a sad reality, but also such a connecting experience). so in a way, sharing is caring, and so talking about life experiences, especially when they are kind of abstract, like art blocks, depressions, can really open some unexpected doors.

so what also happened after being open about vulnerable situations in life was ppl reaching out. and this was really something that left me so speechless. i had several ppl who took their time and wrote to me about their experiences and ways of coping strategies and other helpful actions. and sometimes they just acknowledged what i wrote which was such a warm gesture that made me feel seen. and i cannot put into words how much that meant to me when i felt at my lowest a few years back. let's be honest for a second, on here we hardly know each other, even if we are mutuals, but that doesn't stop us from reaching out to one another because that is such a big part of the human experience.

sorry for rambling but it is hard, at least for me, just trying to fully grasp it all. it makes me so happy to read that catching up on the things i wrote about my life resonated with you on a deeper level and that it gave you something back in exchange - catharsis and hope. i am deeply touched by your words and your ability to grasp the essence of what i tried to convey, it feels almost surreal to have it summarized and reflected so clearly when my original thoughts were scattered all over my blog over a span of multiple months, years even. like, really, thank you so much for all of this, the time and thoughts you put into your message, your genuine expression of your feelings and joy on my behalf, it means a lot and i fail to put my thanks into words, idk... i feel seen again. and no worries, i don't think this is too parasocial, after all i put my thoughts out there, and you just happened to read them 🧡

so again and again, thank you so much, and i also hope you have a lovely day <3

[cryptidcodex]

I'm explaining the name change whether y'all care or not lol

When we first made our Facebook page, we were only just becoming comfortable with expressing our system hood and gender identity. We also had no idea there was a whole community of systems on here and tik tok.

We chose the name Nonbinary Vampire Friend, because left book pages usually go with a really long string of adjectives as their page name. It's sort of a core part of the community over there.

I think the nonbinary part was pretty self explanatory.

Vampire was because my partner at the time had a huge vampire kink, and it had been an inside joke amongst my friends for a long time that I was a vampire, because I was porcelain shade, because I burn easy, because I hate bright light and had a delayed sleep cycle, because I was goth, and because I've never been particularly fond of garlic.

Also, because being the pet pick me meant all the guys projected their fantasies on us, which included a lot of people insisting we had to be dominant because of how confrontational we are. That actually just means I'm a brat, but that's not related to this post lol. We've discussed the relation between being a pick me in high school, our trauma, and our gender crisis as an adult on our page a bit, and I'm happy to talk more about that over here too.

Friend, because while we had agreed to make a gradual transition to polyamory, as we'd agreed on when we first got together, my relationship at the time was still monogamous. And we're Demi. So while a lot of pages in the Facebook community format their name with "gf" or "partner" or something related on the end, I originally made my page just to make more friends.

A lot of the things both inside and out of us have changed since then. Two months after I made my page, my partner outed himself as a transphobe and a one penis policy type, despite me being very clear that was not ok. So we broke up.

We've also become more comfortable with our system hood, and our identity as a whole. We've always been big book wyrms, and had a special interest in fairy tales, folk lore, spirituality, and sociology. Vampire, though still enjoyable for us, is not the only type of cryptid in our system.

Not to mention, I've since attempted to reconnect with some of those friends from high school, and was very much reminded of why I stopped being friends with them. We've been met with the same transphobia, homophobia, ableism, avoiding accountability, and avoidance in general that I had hoped my friends would have grown out of going into adult life. They're on their own journeys, but I think it's time for us to move on.

A lot of the previously dormant systems have re-opened, and no matter who or what comes our way, we're going to continue to be whatever we wanna be, instead of what others tell us to be.

And lastly, why did we wait so long to change it? Like, it's been the same for almost two years now, and we'd even carried it over when we started exploring other platforms.

Honestly this just has a lot to do with the concept of "branding". By the time we first felt we wanted to change it, we'd already reached like 3k on our page I think? We were worried a name change would confuse people and we'd lose followers and have to work to get back. We want our platforms to reach as far as possible to share mutual aid and important info, and build this community, and we can't do that if no one even knows what or who they're looking at.

Honestly this is something that was taught to us by a lot of the programs grooming us to be a politician. "Keep the branding consistent". We recently decided to say fuck that, my page, my rules.

We have spent the last several months agonizing over picking the perfect name in the hopes we don't have to change it again, and hopefully we won't have to lol.

Love y'all ❤️‍🔥

~Ryn

[aro-comics]

Aro Joy

Aro Joy, 1/1 - it’s almost AUTUMN!!!! 🍁🎃🧣 ✨ (and I’m very excited lol, early fall is one of my favourite times of year 😂). Ok but back on topic - I’ve actually had a vision for this specific comic for ... a while 😭 Like, half a year ago. It’s been a journey, accepting my arospec identity (and from what I’ve heard talking to y’all, it’s been like this for many of you too), and though I’ve been open about the bumpier parts of the experience, I wanted to also talk about the positives, all the joys of being aro, too 💚💚🐸

As a general disclaimer: The sentiments here aren’t meant to speak for all aros - because some aros want to be in romantic relationships (or be otherwise partnered), and of course this is equally valid and should be respected! And on the same note, allos can be happy with being, or just want to be single, because again - this isn’t something defined by orientation.

But I think for a lot of us, our arospec orientation can be tied to how feel about our lives in relation to partnership ... which is that, we're okay (or happy) being single! For the longest time, I held it against myself that I wasn’t in a relationship, but not because I wanted to be in one - I just thought it was a milestone that would make other people think of me as a 'real' adult 😭😭 Realizing I was aro gave me the opportunity to reassess how I viewed myself, and my relationships with other people. I was able to actually let go of that idea of having a “””missing piece”””, and appreciate everyone and everything I have in my life. I sound kinda cheesy saying this, but for the first time, I think I have everything I've ever wanted, relationships wise? I'm at peace, and I really appreciate it.

__

School's gonna start soon for me and for some of y'all, so I hope that goes well for everyone! Please take care, and as always I'd love to hear what you think! What are your favourite things about being aro? 🐸

[Image Descriptions:

Slide 1: “I find it fascinating, the way alloromantics value romance.” Celia stands outside in front on a vibrant fall day. She seems to be on a walk on a trail.

Behind her, the leaves are a bright orange, and she is wearing a white wrapped top, jeans, and an orange ribbon choker.

Slide 2: “When I bring up the fact -”

A flashback to an earlier time, where Celia is talking to another girl (who is alloro). Celia says “You know, life without Romance is not inherently bad, or unfulfilling -” 

The other girls says, “yeah, but it’s DIFFERENT.”

Slide 3: [Pure text] There’s this really deep, engrained idea, even amongst people who are accepting and understanding of the idea that being aromantic is valid, that romance brings a new level of joy to life. A kind of special fulfillment they would be lost without.

Slide 4: “And I’ve got to say …” Celia speaks to the viewer.

Slide 5: “That sounds really hard, yikes” She shrugs nonchalantly.  

Slide 6: Celia speaks from the bottom of the panel, and a big speech bubble says, “People seem to have such a hard time with dating? Pining? Trying to court people? (I actually do not know much about romance, despite my love of the genre) It just seems like so much work, just to feel fulfilled.”

Extra doodles of character struggle with online dating, pining with writing love letters, and dollar bills with a rose exemplify the various struggles mentioned.

Slide 7: Shot switches back to Celia in the forest. She’s now holding a maple leaf in her hand, staring down at it contemplatively as she speaks. “I’m … actually feeling pretty good about my life.”

Slide 8: She holds the leaf up to the light now. “I don’t really feel like there’s something missing without a partner. Although, maybe one day -” In the bottom half of the panel, the perspective switches to her POV centered on her hand with the illuminated leaf, “I’d also be happy with a QPR.”

Slide 9: It’s one of the things that makes me grateful that I’m aro.

The shot has switched to be from behind Celia, staring out at the landscape of mountains, the fall foliage, and the river below. Celia has let go of the leaf and it drifts away in the wind]

[papistark]

Okay. I’ve allowed a night to let everything sink in. I’m ready to talk about Endgame now.

*cinemasins voice* spoilers!! (duh..)

so the wounds are still fresh. v v v v v v v v v fresh. but my thoughts during the entire movie were just OMG IM TRYING TO REMEMBER EVERY SINGLE THING THAT IS HAPPENING SO I CAN REMEMBER IT AS LONG AS POSSIBLE BEFORE i inevitably go see this movie again

This is what the movie reduce me to like 99% of the time btw

now, I’m gonna try and break this up to be as organized as possible into 4 main sections which will be general thoughts, the highs, the lows, and closing thoughts. that may sound organized but I promise it won’t be and as always I’ll have to use bullet holes to even stay relatively "organized"

I'm sure I'm leaving stuff out that I either loved or would wanna discuss but tbh the ENTIRE FILM i was just like GOD I WANNA REMEMBER THIS FOREVER!! Every scene that happened i was like god there's still 3 hours of stuff that's going to happen but I want to remember it all!!!

Overall

this movie was good. and i’m mad it was so good and i found it so enjoyable for how dirty they did me. The pacing was pretty well done for a first viewing, but I'm sure after a couple rewatches I'll get caught up on the occasional misstep in the pacing and general direction the story took, but I really liked it!!

I thought the Thor stuff was kinda distasteful and honestly a joke that ran too long. Like ha ha okay we get it but also? He went through so much fucking trauma can we just lay off him? Damn? I don't wanna linger too much on it bc honestly the more I think about it the more I get upset the russos did him dirty

all the callbacks??? made me so emotional????? eleven years and almost two dozen films guys holy fucking shit it felt like such a good homage to bring stuff back

Yo literally when they went up to busted ass thanos i leaned over to my bf and whispered "are they just gonna kill thanos in the first ten minutes is that allowed" and uh YEP! WOW

Also the opening scene being Clint's family getting dusted... gasps in my theater y'all they went in hard on us

TIME HEIST!!!!!! FUCK marvel knows how to take you on a fun journey!! The concept was so fun!!

I also appreciate them mixing up the plot a bunch to keep us guessing!! Like fuck, when Thanos was finding out through Nebula... future nebula talking to past gamora i was SO SOFT... sisters...

Hulk was... weird. It felt a weird kind of fanservicey for a little bit, and honestly a little out of place? But. Eh. Wasn't the worst part. Certain parts of it were fun! I think I got used to it haha

Everyone looked. So good. After the time jump. Damn. Thank you make up department for everyone's new looks. I live for silver fox tony always.

I loved seeing Loki again i know it was so little content BUT I DONT CARE I'LL ALWAYS LOVE MY FUCKING PRINCE

We didn't get as much Nebula and Tony content as I was hoping but god it was so cute and tender in the beginning. Imagine all that bonding. Nebula finding tony on the floor, knowing he's on the brink of death, and propping him up in the seat :'(((( tony helping fix nebula :(((( the father daughter relationship we deserved and didn't get to see come to fruition.

AMERICA'S ASS. THANK YOU SCOTT LANG.

All the New York flash back was so fucking fun. The elevator scene. Brilliant. I really thought they were gonna recreate but it was such a fun tease. Also cap making fun of his past self for saying "i could do this all day" I SCREAM why do the Russo's get steve so well

Carol taking a direct punch in the face from Thanos without even flinching? We stan a goddess

ALSO SHORT HAIRED CAROL YESSSS I LIVED!!!!! YES!!!! (But also that movie could've used like way more Carol thats just mY OPINION)

Also AGAIN, I DON'T CARE THAT IT WAS FAN SERVICE, STEVE WEILDING MJOLNIR WAS E V E R Y T H I N G. They have TEASED US since that one middle avengers movie we don't talk about that he was worthy and!!! Our!! Son!! Is!! Fucking!!! Worthy. And the scene of thor making him swap w/ him "you get the little one" i screamed bitch

also I was living for how much Steve swore in this film lol literally fuck joss Whedon's characterization we don't know her!

Valkyrie on a Pegasus thank you THANK YOU i was living

That entire final action scene..... holy fucking shit y'all. It was just crazy enough without being too crazy. I loved the callback to the original long continuous shot

THE HEAVENS OPENED UP AND SANG WITH THAT A-FORCE SCENE. YES. ALL THE MARVEL LADIES LINING UP. THEY ARE HERE AND THEY ARE THE STRONGEST OF US ALL. A-FORCE. FUCKING A-FORCE. Thank you Russo's for my LIFE

Carol's little "hi peter parker :)" god i love them. I love peter. My fucking spider son. I missed him so much. I missed Tom Holland's sweet peach little face AH I CRIED WHEN HE SHOWED BACK UP

Also last kind of ~general~ thought i know i don't get time travel at all and it is an instant way to confuse me in any franchise but wouldn't steve doing what he did fuck literally everything up idk we'll get to steve in a bit

Highs

morgan

H.

fucking

stark

I CAN’T BELIEVE I GOT FED WITH SUCH GOOD TONY CONTENT THIS FILM ONLY FOR THEM TO STOMP ON MY HEART LMAOOO

DAD TONY BEING AS LOVING AND DOTING AND SWEET AND TENDER W/ HIS DAUGHTER AS WE ALL HAVE HEADCANONED HIM TO BE FOR YEARS!!!

TONY GETTING HIS JUSTIFICATION IN BEING MAD not just mad but PISSED at Cap for how everything fell out. catharsis. felt good scoob.

speaking of good tony content of course i need to just take a moment to YELL ABOUT STONY thank you russos for the fan service thank you for having tony ogle and comment on steve rogers’ ass it almost makes up for all the pain and suffering

btw do y’all think the H. for Morgan’s middle name stands for Harley because I LIKE TO THINK SO

also am i lowkey annoyed that like half of viewers won’t recognize an adult ty simpkin at tony’s funeral at the end even tho i know i shouldn't be because ot everyone is a die hard BUT half the articles im looking up for reviews and shit of that scene literally all the results are “SO WHO IS THAT KID AT THE END OF ENDGAME” YOU FUCKING FOOLS IT’S TONY’S FIRST BORN SON HARLEY KEENER FROM IRON MAN 3. FUCKS. im getting off topic anyway i was just happy they brought him back because I am an iron man 3 enthusiast and his relationship with tony was SO important and this confirms that at the very least tony kept in contact with him over all these years!!! and he wasn’t just some insignificant blip

Not to be stony on main but steve being the first person to hold Tony again once he was back on earth :)))) wrow.

Also the first thing tony telling him being "I lost the kid" WOW BREAK MY HEART MORE HUH!! WHY NOT!!

The first thing Peter doing when he saw Tony again :'') just rambling about everything that happened and tony just so happy to see him alive and hugging him so tight I'M NOT FINE!! NOTHING WILL EVER BE FINE AGAIN!!!

I appreciated the closure with Howard like?? A lot?? I'm the last person to be a Howard stark apologist, but I think his character and his relationship w/ Tony and how Tony viewed him as a father and as a man was so well crafted throughout the series??? Idk I liked that scene it was good to my baby.

And now a pOSSIBLY CONTROVERSIAL~~ opinion but..... I loved Steve's ending. I really did. I thought he got a beautiful and fitting ending and I was so happy. It meant so much especially to hear his reasonging being that in a way, he did it for Tony. He was inspired by what Tony told him. He saw Tony get his happy ending and for so many films now Steve has been searching for that and he missed an entire life. Tony helped him realize that. It just made me!! So emo!! Like Bucky's face when he knew Steve wasn't gonna be coming back. Steve's last convo w/ Sam. It was just amazing. I can't believe I'm seeing hot takes from people calling Steve selfish or blaming the fact that the Russos have a boner for Steggy or whatever. Who cares!!! Steve got his happy ending and it was well deserved and a wonderful arc!! Lay off him bc you ship him w/ Bucky or tony more damn!!!! (Idk about the timeline y'all dont come for me i really have no idea i think the Russos just said fuck it for that one even when talking about not fucking up the timeline)

Lows

Natasha deserved better. She did. I understand why they took her character arc the way that they did, and honestly, this is the first time I've felt we've seen Natasha have even a modicum of actual character traits since like, Iron man 2 and Avengers 1. She found purpose in keeping the family together and trying to help the people left living, while never stopping or losing contact with anyone else in their endeavors to fix what Thanos broke. As tired as I am of seeing a female character die for ~man pain~ this felt like so much more than that. In the end Nat wanted to sacrifice herself for the greater good, and that's what she did. I'm still fucking upset though, even though they've butchered her character across almost all the films she's been in

Thor being turned into an entire fucking joke. That's it. I got nothin left for the writers at this point.

So..... let's talk about Tony's death, shall we

"You can rest now" broke me. It truly did. I've never loved any fictional character across any medium as much as I have loved Tony Stark. But Pepper's line at the beginning "you'll sleep, but will you rest?" Is so fucking telling. I think I immediately knew for sure in that moment. Because she's right. And that's the worst part.

Peter :)))) finally :)))) calling :))))) tony :)))) by :)) his :)))) first :)) name :))) as he was dying :)))) asking him not to go the same way he told tony he didn't want to go when he was getting dusted GOD. AND WE THOUGHT THAT SCENE IN INFINITY WAR WAS ROUGH. HAD N O T H I N G ON THIS.

No offense but where was Rhodey when Tony was dying lmao ok

That funeral scene.... seeing everyone there drawn together..... god. It was beautiful. It really was.

Of course I'm not happy. I'm extremely fucking upset. I knew tony wielding the gauntlet would be coming, but I thought they would find a way for him to make it out alive. As soon as they were showing that even the hulk couldn't handle it with the gamma radiation, I knew the nail was going to be in the coffin.

All that aside... what I can say, is that if they HAD to kill him off, I think it was a proper send off. We saw so many arcs of Tony's come to a close, and I knew it was just a matter of time. Also that being said, I really don't believe in death being necessary to end a character's arc. Yeah yeah blah blah we get the sad and tragic but TRUE message that at the end of the day death is inevitable and that tony had to sacrifice himself for the greater good. He and Strange both knew it, and as soon as Strange held up that finger I knew that was it for him.

It wouldn't be so hard if they hadn't given us everything they did with tony after the 5 year jump. He healed. He was HAPPY. But pepper was right, and as long as Tony was alive... he would never truly /rest/. And that's the only way I'm able to make peace with this death. Tony has always been a character who was just going going going, never going to stop even if it killed him, all to protect the ones he loved, and protect the whole world and make it a better place. He had a beautiful story that was told so well over these past eleven years, with admitted shortcomings here and there. He had the most cohesive trilogy films, the best character development and arcs, and an incredible portrayal. I'm grateful for it, but that doesn't make it any easier that they decided to go and show us that Tony was able to FINALLY settle down with Pepper and see him find the best version of himself as a husband to her and a father to his little baby girl. A baby girl that now has to grow up without her dad, and pepper has to go on without her husband, the love of her life. It's fucking tragic and honestly, we didn't need that imho lmao

The hardest parts is that like.... idk. I feel like the only reason they killed him is for shock factor, but somehow without the shock? A lot of us felt or were worried that this was coming. I think the russos and co. We're just totally set on the idea that like... tony HAD to die and that was the only way for this arc to come to a close not just WITHIN the universe, but meta, outside of the MCU as well. They did the same thing with Hugh jackman as Logan and that shit HURTED me y'all. Eleven years we had RDJ give us this amazing character and he is the SOLE reason the MCU is where it is today. So you know what, the Russo's and everyone can circle jerk about how much ~poetic justice~ there is in this ending for Tony, but at the end of the day... it just ain't it fam.

Realistically I know after wielding the infinity stones there is no way Tony, a human, could've survived, even with his armor on. I knew that. And as biased as I am towards seeing Tony living, if he had wielded the stones and NOT died? It would've felt cheap. So again, if they had to end his life, I appreciate the way they did it and thought it was the best send off they could've given him. I also would've appreciated some kind of alternate option where oh i dont know carol or someone strong enough could've handled the snap and tony could live the rest of his days with his wife and daughter and found family but..... ig that's just me huh.

:(((( Happy asking Morgan what she wanted and her saying "cheeseburgers" SHE'S JUST LIKE HER DADDY I AM SO!!! UPSET!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

And last thought is that I fucking cried AGAIN because the biggest applause moment was during the credits when RDJ's name appeared. My theater gave a standing damn ovation. Also the very last sound after it faded to black... Tony hammering away, building the very first Iron Man suit.... that shit hurted.

If any of y'all read this and wanna yell about stuff w/ me I WELCOME YOU INTO MY DMS LMAO PLS MESSAGE ME I NEED MORE PEOPLE TO CRY WITH!!!

[fuckyeahexofics]

fic search #146

Please use the reply function to answer these. If you do use the ask box (and we prefer you don’t) please give link, # of fic search and # of item in the search. Thank you.

1. deleted by author

pls pls pls help! i'm trying to find a kaisoo fic! it was on ao3! it's a hybrid au! so kyungsoo adopts jongin when he's young and he grows older with kyungsoo over time and as he gets older he starts to develop feelings for kyungsoo and i believe dry humps kyungsoo while he thinks he's asleep! jongin might've woken him up! also there's a part where kyungsoo sits on jongins lap and kyungsoo can feel his bulge and kyungsoo freezes lol and ksoo asks chen and xiumin for advice! thx

2. 

① Hello! Some time ago I've read an amazing fanfic and was silly enough to forget where it was (maybe AFF, I'm really not sure). However, I remember almost the whole plot. The pairing is SuChen, without anyone of Exo members. Rating: PG-13. Genre: AU, angst, happy ending. It starts with Junmyeon knocking on Jongdae's apartment door. When the latter finally lets him in, turns out Jongdae was forced to break up with Junmyeon (by $uho's rich mother, I guess). Jongdae bursts out crying, Junmyeon

② calms him down, they decide to stay together. It isn’t a long fanfic. I’ve been searching for it for a few days and got nothing. If you can help me, it would be great.

3. The Magic of Pixie Dust by MitchMatchedSocks

im looking for a fic where Sehun babysits and takes his nephew + niece to disneyland/a theme park and they're in line waiting to take a photo with a prince/character and his niece asks for ice cream and one of the kids throw a tantrum?? but when they finally get to the guy he turns out to be really cute and the niece makes sehun and the guy "adult kiss" and im pretty sure chen was the photographer and sehun ends up getting the guy's number and promising his niece ice cream?? please help!! thanks

4. Where Is Love by theworldwithkaisoo

welcome back, lovely mods! i read a fic about two weeks ago and despite scouring your blog, i don't think it's recced here. it's a soulmates!au with main chansoo and side sekai, in a world where if one person gets a cut, it shows up on the soulmate's skin. kyungsoo self-harms and finds chanyeol is his soulmate after sehun finds that jongin is his soulmate. kyungsoo's stepmom is abusive and there's a scene where chanyeol helps kyungsoo with a cut. thank you so much!

5. Fearless, Like the Stars by minnuet

Hi! So, I'm looking for a xiubaek fic that was on archive of our own I believe. It was a mama au, kinda space adventure fic, where only a certain few had powers. Luhan, junmyeon, chanyeol and jongdae are all in it, with Kyungsoo as the villain. Minseok had been exiled from his own planet and then found Baekhyun and he help Baek discover his own powers. It was kinda a newer fic but I can't find it. Thanks in advance!

6. Progressive Education by Brandedbutterfly

Hi ^^ ok, so I know this might sound pretty vague, but I have no idea where or whom should I ask for help: around 2 or 3 years ago I read a fanfic on aff, most probably hunhan, but my memory may not serve right. It was romance, had a lot of smut, was chaptered (a lot of them) + completed and the most helpful unique thing it had *i hope so*, the author posted pics of herself and her daughter at the end of the chapters in the author note section. I hope you could help me �� Thank you!!

7.

Hey admins , there's a wolf!au fic I believe the couple were HunHan where Luhan was the alpha but he liked being the bottom and sehun was the omega and he was the top (or the other way round) , and then the pack finds out and shames luhan or something like asdfghjkl I've been looking for it and I can't figure out its name

8. and we drown in our sins by khrysallis or  nostalgia (n.) by fumerie

hiii I'm so happy y'all are back~ i was wondering if you guys know this fic, too, EXO were "guardians" of their respective power, and I remember Lu Han was the Oracle in it but it wasn't Zodiac. (If that makes sense??) I think it was Hunhan or Lukai, sorry if this doesn't make sense :(

9. Frisk Your Friends by RacyRoulette

Hi I read a fic a while back and I think it was from this blog but I checked the tags and could not find it. It was a gangbang fic I think and baekhyun might have been dared or smthn I can't really remember but I do remember he ended up losing and had to deepthroat a cucumber. Then they had a little competition to see who could deepthroat it further and then all I Remember after that was that they all had sex and baekhyun might have been penetrated by two dicks at once?Dnt remember what site sry

10. deleted by author

Hello wonderful admins of beauty! I am looking for a Hybrid!AU fic with Taoris as main pairing. Tao's a catboy at a new school and Kris looks human but is also a catboy and somehow popular. Also love you guys lots xoxo

11. Young One by strange-seas

I've been trying to find this fic and I've looked everywhere :( it's minseok/(suho,kai or Luhan idk which) ?? Is the prince and minseok starts falling for him. There's asshole cousin sehun and best friend yixing who has one sided love for ??. seok knows he can't have ?? Since the prince can't leave his kingdom behind so seok leaves on a ship with yixing and then a few years later seok meets ?? Again.

12. Redamancy by abcdefghiluvyou (log into LJ to view the fic)

hi! I read a fic aaaaaaages ago and have been having trouble trying to find it again?? it was a/b/o verse nd one member was being given to a new pack as like a gift for the alpha or something?? idk but whilst making the journey to the new pack with like three or four members of it, one of them had to help him with his heat (think they ended up being mates??) I was p certain the pairing was baekyeol but couldn't find it in the tags?? thank you for your help!

13. Play Pretend by cwtchbuddy

Hello, sorry if this is the same that everyone sends but, I'm looking for this fic for a while now ;;;;; is a fanxing where they (fanxing) are roommates and pretend being in a relationship for YiXing avoid some frashman and YiFan want to practice his skills in act, in the end they start a real relationship when found out that they like each other. Sorry if this was a bad discription and thanks for this lovelly blog.’

thank you to all the anons, @just-get-me-my-mineral-water, @teespoone, @thiscitywas, @brezjanae, @iminlovewithkyungsoo, @cactus-boii and @kaisoo-catalog

[butyouvealwaysbeenthecaretaker]

Ascension

This quote is from the excellent zine Mascara and Hope - I knew the authors, and I recognise the phenomenon they're talking about; I was there at the moment in time this zine was written.

I don't think remaining in community is *inherently* unhealthy for you or a sign you have malign intent; and yet, so many people I met in community who were long past the egg phase fitted this description to a t.

In theory, I'm all for a generationally inclusive, longterm home sort of a community. In practice, the trans people I met who were 10, 20, 30 years "post transition" were not great people.

We seek community because we have a Need. For closeted and questioning people, that Need is for resources, validation, support. That's what unites us and pulls us together. However, once you're past that initial stage, if you still have a Need you want the community to fulfil - it's generally a bit more damaged and insidious.

An egg who needs validation and love from the community is a very different prospect from a trans person who has been out and proud in the public eye for 20 years - and is *still* reliant on the community for their emotional needs. People who are newly out as trans or gay are unavoidably messy, they are needy and vampiric but that's kinda ok because it is a Big Experience and none of us handle it with perfect elegance or kindness. Love me. See me. Make me feel good. If you're 20 years post-transition, and still have that level of need, it quickly becomes unbalancing.

Like, to continue bitching about this individual: she's an older woman, with famous friends, social status within the community, and some status outside it too. Conversations around her always become conversations about her, her poetry, her books, the books about her. And yet, she's on the phone several hours at a time, several times a month, to newly-out trans young adults who are dealing with physical and mental disabilities, and dysphoria, and being out for the first time, and being adults for the first time.

I feel like the support relationship ought to be working the other way around; I feel like there must be LGBT people of her age and stage who are far more able to relate to her experiences and provide effective mutual support.

I don't want anyone to misread this as - older people should be excluded from community, or older people must provide support or assume faultless mentoring roles, or must become neutered and secondary props to the emotional journeys of the young. We're all human.

But in practice? All the older LGBT people who wanted to hang out with our 18-23yr old crowd had gained considerable social status as Community Doyens; they didn't seem to give back so much as to take; and their needs weren't ones I judged appropriate or collective. Less "will you come with me to the clinic and recommend me a safe hair-dresser and gripe about harassment together". More "representation and trans voices are crucial, will you promote by book, and my existence more generally, as a Person Of Note".

Not older as in "adult whose experience guides you to find your own strength and voice" but "ballet mom who is living vicariously through her child".

Anyway, here's the full quote - which i endorse:

********

"There are quite distinct generations in the trans community

Where did all the trans women go?

There an interesting phenomenon we have noticed whereby trans women tend to 'finish' their transition and vanish from the community: we call it ascension. Most of the emotionally mature ones get on with their lives as women - the prefix 'trans' now redundant. Yes, being transgender has shaped much of your life up to this point: you probably lived with dysphoria and experienced the pain of early transition, but you are still more than just a trans woman. You have had other experiences and your identity is not so superficial that you cling to the trans label long after it is no longer relevant: it becomes unappealing to remain in a community focused on the dysphoria, harassment and GIC bastardry that you've conquered and progressed beyond. Yes, be proud of your past and what you have come through, but you may find that the community is just not worth the effort.

After transition you have enough standard person-problems to deal with, without the persistent low level nonsense of the trans community. Also, you will be sick of being associated with the non-ascension crowd who give trans people a bad image. A moment comes when you put your hands up in the air and say 'fuck it - I'm out'. This is healthy and normal. Embrace it.

Why Wouldn't You Ascend?

Congrats, you've spotted a problematic sentiment, go write your tumblr piece. We're only speaking from our collective experience, but people who stay actively in the community are rarely people we'd choose to chill with.

Some are gems, patient enough to see the same issues come up repeatedly and offer their experience and advice, but they are few and many support the community in other, remoter ways. Most leave because the community is not fun: most are in transition and transition is not fun. There are many troubles, which are draining. There's unchecked mental illness, uncalled-out. Many people who will never be accepted in society, due to lack of awareness or physical appearance permanently marking them out. One look at us would tell you we don't think everyone should be the same, but it demonstrates a certain 'Having your shit together, y'all'. There are also people, often repugnant, who enjoy the high status their experience gives them in the trans* community as experts, who lack respect outside of it. The non-ascending faction, frankly and sadly, contains a lot of damaged people.

Finished spluttering and writing to The Guardian? The whole point, even the etymology, of being trans is about movement and we feel that getting stuck in the middle is failure. You move away from troubling beginnings, through the barriers and you give someone else a helping hand on your way out. The way out needs to be there, moving to somewhere away from a past, a body and a community that do not represent who you now are. That, we believe, is healthy."