#hope this is coherent im half asleep rn LOL

[cryoriku]

17, 19, 39

17. ive got 3958394 wips cooking in the oven but the two im trying to get "completed" for sharing soon are a sephzack oneshot and the second part of how come everything hurts if nothing lasts? (fic about my wol)

so the premise of the sephzack oneshot is after sephiroth learns the truth about his indentity, zack ends up finding him and getting him to calm down before the nibelheim incident can happen, and instead they take up sephiroth's suggestion to abandon shinra. these two confiding in eachother abt their shared situation with shinra is a dream of mine, so of course when they finally settle down for the night in some abandoned farmhouse they end up spilling their hearts to eachother and sephiroth, absolutely exhausted, throws down all his walls and ends up planting his head right on zacks shoulder and falling asleep that way. theymakemesosofttt

the other is just. so estinien is my current main comfort character so i wanted to explore how he would provide comfort in his estinien way — specifically, how he reassures arkao about his self-harm. after the first chapter where gils was fronting and i was goofing having estinien interact with him, arkaos fronting again so that gets addressed. tldr: self care via estinien varlineau!!!!!!

19.

I was an avid reader early on and always wanted to be able to create something like what I loved to read. I made stories sooner but didn't start writing seriously until 5th grade. In those days it was a lot of just my fantasies of going on adventures and making friends with sentient animals (I like fables lol) with no logical direction. There's one original story I've held onto from that time (entitled faora) and trying to mold the mess into a cohesive events with a plot has been very challenging — even with newer works, making story and plot intersect is a struggle i often have. So I've mostly been writing smaller-scale or oneshot fanfics for a few years, but lately I got into FFXIV and making a story for my WoL has proven the growth I've had in my ability to have an idea and execute it, and then maintain it. so i hope in the near future this will help me to finally carry out my original stories, or to kill those darlings and start fresh somewhere.

39.

this is gonna sound fake but i dont think i ever feel like giving up writing! it's frustrating when i cant get myself to acheive what i want to acheive with a story, sure, but i write for myself before i write for others. to me writing is a way to actualize my own feelings and desires, and a way to explore. even if i'm no good at it, i just like having my ideas down to have fun with and enjoy later when i look back on it.

sorry abt the late response and thanks SO MUCH again for sending these :]]

[aeolianchemistry]

i have a lot to say about this! i may not be the most coherent bc im half asleep lol, but anyone feel free to message me about this anytime and ask for more details!,

this was my biggest Thing when i was deciding to pursue hrt. ive been in various choirs for years, and its a very Important part of my life. but also my voice was my #1 source of dysphoria, and the #1 thing i needed to change. i searched for weeks to find anything about what to expect from hrt as a singer, esp bc ive heard stories of trans ppl losing their siging voice entirely. i was terrified, and couldnt find resources to shed any significant light on the topic.

and so, in no particular order bc im half asleep, here are some things to expect and things that i've experienced so far (almost six months on hrt):

- practice while your voice is dropping! feel it out every step of the way. get to know your voice while it's changing, and try to maintain those high notes. i didnt do a v good job of this and my high range kinda just shriveled up. i cant be sure that it wouldve been hugely different if id practiced more, but ive heard it does help

- yoir voice will feel different. unfamiliar at times. you wont be using it the same way youre used to. technique will change, placement will change

- my speaking voice shifted downward after just a month or two (i had mild hyperandrogynism before, so this wont be as quick for everyone), before my singing voice did. i didn't start getting new low range until later, but within my pre-t vocal range, my voice just sat a bit lower than it used to. my low alto filled out more. than i started getting new notes, slowly

- there will be periods of time where it cracks or breaks or is unreliable. dont push it, but dont despair either. keep practicing as well as you can

- my voice is somewhat fragile. if i yell (which i can only somewhat do currently) or push it or force it thru cracks/breaks/weak spots, it will get tired easily and take quite a while to recover. be nice to your voice. dont push high notes if they cause strain. dont push the low notes either, even tho im sure youre excited about them

- your voice will be weak while it's shifting. this can cause frustration and anxiety. i'm two months into my choir season singing w two and a half choirs, and i'm dealing w lots of Complicated Feelings bc my voice just cant do all the things i want it to. i cant project much, and i certainly dont have the strength (yet) to audition for any of the solos i'd like to. Patience

- the Weird Spots and the Weak Spots will continue to shift around. i have this one area in the middle of my range (currently its about Ab3-B3, but a few weeks ago it was B3-C4) where its weird and weak and its kind of like a break in register but also a bit like a black hole, bc i Cannot Project there and theres no good placement for singing those notes, and notes in the vicinity of those are also Weird but Less So. it's slowly sliding downwards, and i am learning to navigate it better. i'm hoping it will settle and go away soon, but we'll see

- breath support is v important. as mentioned, your voice may be quite fragile, and putting strain on it could cause it to glitch out on you for a while. supporting your voice w lots of breath will put less demand on your vocal chords

- NEVER SING IN A BINDER or compressive garment. you need those lungs!

- you're going to miss out on some of the nostalgic singalongs of old choir songs, bc you no longer have the range to sing your old parts. this is possibly the #1 consequence of transitioning that im the most sad about lol

- i have a very weird quality to my high range rn. it seems to be caught midway between the head voice it used to be and future falsetto or whatever it's moving toward. for now its just Strange to listen to

the current state of my voice is this:

low range is down to almost the bottom of the bass clef. i can sing down to Bb2, A2 on a good day.

from there up to F3ish is quite comfy and possibly the strongest part of my singing voice, but i do find that if i spend too much time down there it can strain the rest of my range (i used to have this problem before too: if i sang in my low alto range too much or too enthusiastically, my sop range would get tired).

from G3-C4, it's Awkward. the Awkwardness shifts around, and some parts of it can be more comfy than others sometimes, but it's all v inconsistent. i cant project much here, and placement is veryvery Weird.

D4-F4ish is typically comfy but has a bit of that Strange quality to it. these notes are a bit floaty, but not bad.

G4-B4 are unreliable. somedays i can get up there. some days it'll blink out or crack or break or just Not Be There. i am predicting that once my high range settles into a proper falsetto, i'll be able to work on this range more and it'll have less of that Strange quality to it, but only time will tell

again, apologies for being Scattered, it's 1am and ive had a long day. any of yall are welcome to message me for more details ☺

I'm ftm (pre everything) and am in choir but I also want to sing and maybe pursue it later but if I go on hormones then I'm afraid I won’t be able to. Advice?

Lee says:

The Testosterone FAQ has a I like singing, how will T affect my voice? post! 

Followers, any personal experiences to add?