#hope the doctoring doesnt stand out too much!

[amoristt]

how do you think ghost would react to his partner losing their memory or something :(

if ghost's partner lost their memory of him, he would be absolutely devastated. he would be rocked to his very core- feeling like he was out of his damn mind. the emotional rollar coaster of you injured, the breath of relief where you're awake and you're alive… and then it would all come crumbling down once the doctors realize your situation.

the way you would look at him, with far away eyes void of all that love you'd conjured up for him, would make him sick. for a moment hes almost sure hes going to throw up right then and there. his skin is hot, the air punched from his lungs. but whats crazy is he barely shows it- standing there unmoving except for when he takes a step back, your eyes wide and a shaky 'who are you' dying on your lips. then, when he really takes in your worried expression, he realizes he must look like a monster.

frightening, terrifying to your confused mind. this big, looming man in a skull mask watching your every move from the side of the room in silence.

for the first time in his life, he tries to shrink down on himself. he tucks his arms to his side. lingers in the shadow of that hospital room desperate to appear less than he is. he doesnt say a word after you ask him who he is, locked up, unsure of what to say. it takes the doctor clearing their throat for him to finally mumble, ‘simon.’ and nothing else.

and it hurts so fucking bad in that moment- like somehow you'd died even as you sat there before him. he wants to take you by the shoulders and shake the memories back.

it fucking breaks his heart when he realizes his ornery refusal to let you take photos with him causes a serve lack of any pictures together. nothing to show you that would say look, look. this is us. this is who we are.

and this is all just his initial reaction. with you stuck at the hospital under going treatment after treatment, him back at his home that suddenly feels much too big for him on his own, he’s a wreck. unable to sleep, waiting by the phone in silence in the hopes someone would call and the nightmare would end.

[aropride]

ok after thinking about it for several years i think what my deal is is that i had some form of subclinical pots that no one picked up on bc a) it wasnt debilitating b) most of my symptoms were attributed to asthma (fairly, again i dont think i Had Pots until i was older) and c) the others were attributed to anxiety (less fairly. Smile). Bc i do have memories of being pre-covid (and even as a kid/young teen but it definitely worsened when i was an older teen) being like. I cant wash my hair bc i feel like im gonna black out or If somoene doesnt get me a salty snack im gonna kill myself or when i was older i was really into losing vision when i stood up (which i attributed to having an ED which was probably also accurate- the worst of my ED was also when the symptoms started getting worse too) So it went like.

normal boy few (physical) problems -> develop eating disorder -> it gets Worst when im like 16 -> wow i kind of feel like shit all the time + am always tired + cant walk very long + i feel like im gonna black out standing but it doesn't affect my daily life too bad so it's chill (-> also attributed it to MI/dissociation Again why should i see a doctor i can gaslight myself on my own for free) -> get "really bad cold" in feb20 -> shaking covered in sweat ears ringing walking up stairs during in-person school sep20 -> started craving salt a lot more too -> think nothing of it, assumed my problems were universal -> eating disorder healing era but did not feel physically much better -> get covid in dec21 -> nearly pass out walking to the store -> frequently would actually pass out on my floor after going to the store -> dizzy all the time, weird cough that never went away -> find out what long covid is sometime in spring22, assume i don't have it (idky) -> find out what pots is in may22 -> Well i definitely dont have that Because my experiences are universal But just in case im gonna get really into salt -> wait that actually helps i think -> really bad body aches/etc when walking for too long (more than 5k steps) -> i thought for a while i got covid in june22 but in retrospect i don't think i did? (complicated reasons but tldr i think i misremembered due to the disorders) -> stay in my house for a year, now when i talk abt symptoms my mother just says it's bc i don't walk enough -> finally connect the dots btwn "bad cold" in 2020 and The Symptoms -> start school aug23 and hope my mother is right and not me -> my mother is wrong (MANY SUCH CASES) -> "bad cold" in nov23 (i tested twice on day 2 and 5 and both were negative, & wore kn95 whenever i was around people in case, but in retrospect it might have been covid) -> symptoms get worse -> i start Complaining bc im slowly realizing my symptoms Are Not Universal and most people are Not always in pain -> get covid in may24 -> Symptoms get worse -> my friends start pretty universally saying stuff like "please see a doctor" and "have you considered using mobility aids" and "i think you have a disability" -> Etc...

[quietwingsinthesky]

The Doctor Falls LB collected

- hehe funny cyberman explosion

- nardole i love you so much. i love you. NARDOLE I LOVE YOU. he’s everything to me btw.

- BILL. god. everything is. im hurting.

- “You’re wrong, you know. Quite wrong. I never will be able to find the words.” GOD. nardole. like at least he’ll be fine after this so i dont have to lose two companions in one finale but.

- master hug…………

- STABBED HIM. GOOD JOB MISSY.

- that was the best scene with them btw. it was. it really was. there’s that quiet energy we were missing from mr simm’s master. even if all he was doing was being hugged and stabbed. it was good. “that was nicely done” yeah <3 yeah <3 good scene

- ���it’s time to stand with the doctor.” “no, never.” sir. you already did. do you remember that? i do. it changed my fucking life.

- i do like the transition from the first half of the two-parter with “you would never be so self-destructive, and neither would i” to them both killing each other. that’s nice.

- and them LAUGHING about it. god. hey that’s brilliant too. yeah, they fucking would.

- idiot in his idiot box. elevator.

- oh GOD THE DOCTOR DOESN’T KNOW. FUCK. WAIT. JEUSS CHRIST HE DOESNT KNOW HE’LL NEVER KNOW AND SHE DIES ALONE OUT THERE AND. FUCK. SHIT. JESUS. FUCK.

- she’ll be fine i know this she gets to become mr sacha dhawan which is, honestly, quite a reward for her. but still.

- LASERED HIM

- im gonna be honest man i think watching mr capaldi regenerate is traumatizing me. i have so loved the doctor being him. i really have.

- no stars……. i hoped there would be stars…………. FUCK.

- the callback to him talking about the master and him and the pact they made…. too busy burning the stars to see them………… ACK.

- nardole 😭😭😭😭

- god the way this episode just Looks is sooo fucking good. the bright greenery turned to ash. and the flames of the cyberman city in the very beginning. this episode has thee vibes ever.

- BILL. BILL MY LOVE YOU DESERVE SO MUCH BETTER. not narratively. narratively this is beautiful and i love it. but see. i love bill. and i dont want her to hurt.

- PUDDLE GIRLFRIEND!!!!!!!!!!

- GAY LOVE PIERCES THROUGH THE VEIL OF CYBERMAN UPGRADES AND SAVES THE DAY

- WE GET A KISS AND EVERYTHING????? LOSING IT. WHERE THERE’S TEARS THERE’S HOPE

- so fucking funny that both of twelve’s companions’ endings are “get to travel the galaxy with their new immortal girlfriend”

- BILL LEFT HIM HER TEARS

- AUGH

- oh. can he do that? just? say no?

- “I can’t keep on being somebody else.” god. fuck. god. mr capaldi.

- what a man. what an actor. what a doctor.

- WAIT IS THIS

- HAHA. YES. ONE. FIRST DOCTOR. HIIIIIIIIIIIIIII. HIIIIIIIIIIIIII I LISTEN TO YOUR AUDIOS, OLD MAN. where’s your granddaughter btw. people have been wondering about this.

- overall? good episode. shame about simm!master’s writing in general but like the rest fucking slapped.

[confessions-official]

lately, ive been looking to get my hands on some drugs. im 15 years old, almost 16. honestly, it doesnt even matter what kind. i am just so bored of everything and i want to try something new, i wanna feel like i have a place in this fucking world. i wanna try smoking weed, i want to hit a vape, i want to take LSD, i want to smoke a cigarette. i just want to try everything. i could probably get my hands on any of these drugs easily online or i can find a plug at school, but also, i dont want to end up dead in my bedroom at 4 am because i accidentally took fentanyl. i have always been very rule abiding, i do well in school, and i have a promising future ahead of me. im going to be a doctor and a novelist. i dont even know why i want this. i know that i get hooked on new things very easily, and i can just feel that if i try any of these things once, i wont want to or be able to stop. but i dont know. im just so desperate to live out the teenage experience, i guess. i only have 2 close friends. i never go out with anyone. boys dont like me. it might get a little better once i get my license in a month, but still, i dont have anyone to do anything with. and i have life360, too. i just want to be rebellious, i want to go against the grain for once, i want to feel alive. im so lonely and i want to feel more connected with other kids my age. it would be so easy to be safely rebellious if i didnt have life360. i could sneak out and just lay in a field with my friends. i could tell my family i was going to study at a friends house, but actually go to an amusement park or something. i dont know, it would just be much easier to feel like im 'rebelling' if i were able to do it in no-stakes scenarios. kids my age hate me. im very conventionally unattractive, im trans, i have unorthodox interests, blah blah blah... you get the point. i like boys but i hate them. i want to date one but none of them like me, or can even tolerate me enough to stand being in my presence. they all just laugh at me and bully me. the closest ive ever gotten to a boy liking me is when they ask me out as a joke. it makes me want to rip their stupid faces off their bodies. who would be laughing then? anyway. i live in a shitty conservative midwest town and im just so outcast in my school and i feel like im wasting my highschool years. i dont know. im just yapping a lot here. i dont even know why im submitting this. i know i come across totally lame here, and it probably comes across as super naive. or overly cautious. or reckless. im not really sure. i am very naive, but im also a super anxious person so i tend to expect the worst from everything, including this.

i hope you all are having a nice day

 

[effrvsnt107]

tenamy anon ☝️ i was wondering if in your vision for them amy was here when he regenerates into eleven or the angel thing happened before that. if its the latter then i think the doctor's "seeing" her for the last time while dying would go even crazier, imagine like she's touching his face while he still says he doesnt wanna go

OMG TENAMY ANON I MISSED YOU, MWAH MWAH! I hope you don't mind me rambling.

I always imagined Amy would leave before Ten regenerated. Punch him while he's down and convulsing on the floor, you know? He would experience the loss of another companion being ripped away from him. I think it would invoke some Doomsday flashbacks, where he is helpless as he can never see his beloved companion again. This time however, you get the comfort and the curse of the build up. Unlike Doomsday, it is Amy's choice, and more hauntingly he has to stand there and allow it.

YOUR VISION! HEARTBREAKING! I share it too, I'm not sure what would happen for him to regenerate, but to come into his TARDIS (like TEOT) scared of dying to see Amy, and while he's glowing golden, her hand is on his face soothing him. I think he'd actually start crying rather than just teary eyes, not only because he would die with someone (I think he this he deserves after all he's done), but he'd be aware she isn't real. When the Doctor regenerates he tells people to stand back because it would hurt them, but he would allow her ghost to touch him as he dies. Maybe he'd even reach his flaming hand out to her face like Eleven did, for extra heartbreak factor. He'd be scared he might hurt her but does it anyway, which I think would capture their whole hypothetical dynamic (never listen to About You by The 1975 while imagining this, I'm tearing up at this shit).

I think it would also be tragic on his end, to have to live without her. I feel like if Ten specially was Amy's Doctor, I'm not sure how he'd react to that. Defiantly not well. We have seen Ten lose companions, and when he can't fix it he typically goes full on god-complex. Not sure how you see their timeline tenamy anon, but I see him going through his post-TLV arc with her. Because fuck it, I love TLV, I think Ten is at his most interesting when he is being an arse. Would Amy make him better or worse? There's a case for both.

Going back to the other vision you said about Amy seeing him regenerate into Eleven, I think that would basically be a sort of tenrose but worse (in a good way). Eleven's companion is Amy Pond and that is a fact, so in this hypothetical tenamy au, he would either be born out of a sense of devotion to her or be born out of mourning for her. I find the mourning more interesting, though. Eleven would be Amy's ideal match (born into the role), but he would also be completely aware her death is a fixed point. The base of his identity is shattered and gone because no matter how much he yearns for it, Amy can never come back.

Sorry if i rambled too much, I hope you don't completely hate what I see. Living tenamy would be cosmic joy, fucked up borderline religion towards each other punctuated by the repeated spiritual murder-suicide. Dying tenamy would be loss of innocence, identity issues and devastation. Because they'd know its coming, they are just doing everything to delay the inevitable. The Doctor runs away, and she'd get the chance to run with him, but eventually everything he is running from will catch up to her (like it does everyone) drag her away, leaving him running alone. Unlike others, Amy would know she was going to be dragged away and accepted it with open arms.

Tenamy anon, please I am begging you to impart your visions (and future ones) onto me. We are like the only two tenamy's in the world and we need to stick together. This inspired me, so I'm going to do something tenamy related now. Take care!!

[rosebramblewolf]

Recipe Blog: How to Spend Two Months in the Hospital and Still Stand to Look at Your Dinner

this is not a hard and fast """recipe"""" or however the kids are saying it. its more an example of the kind of mindset you have to develop to keep your sanity at mealtimes during a long term stay in a hospital or other care facility where the cafeteria's priority is making sure they can serve everything possible to the various restricted diets

this works if the facility doesnt have set meals or at least has some kind of a la carte menu, or if you have the resources to suborn accomplices to bring you outside food (and the means to store it - my room on the chemo floor had a mini fridge, but the rehab one does not, so im limited to shelf stable items or things ill eat at the time of arrival)

but more on that at the end of the post - without further ado, Half Decent Broccoli Mac and Cheese in the Hospital

(yields about double this amount, i just kept taking another bite and not remembering to take a picture)

ingredients:

1 serving hospital cafeteria macaroni and cheese

3 condiment packets black pepper

2 condiment packets table salt

2 side cups hospital cafeteria shredded mild cheddar (can substitute better cheese if you have access to refrigeration)

1 large chunk hospital cafeteria steamed broccoli

use provided dinner utensils to scoop macaroni and cheese out of ramekin, dividing into thirds on dinner plate. sprinkle liberally with salt and pepper to taste.

layer first third of macaroni and cheese into ramekin. layer cheddar on top. continue layering until all ingredients but broccoli are in ramekin. mixture will be slightly heaping.

place ramekin back on dinner plate and re-cover with provided insulating lid. let stand approximately 5-10 minutes or until bored.

if cheese is not sufficiently melted, enlist friendly nurse to microwave ramekin for 30-40 seconds.

stir well to combine.

using fork, separate florets from large broccoli chunk and discard stem. shred florets to size desired and stir into ramekin.

eat and enjoy.

pro tips:

you HAVE to hoard your condiments. you can usually order them with your meal and the nurses can often bring you more, but sometimes food service will forget them or send you wildly too much, just at random, so hoard the extras. i still have 5 individual servings of peanut butter from like a month ago when i was having it on toast for breakfast, and it's great for dipping. also one of my pepper packets today was sealed but empty, so i was glad i already had extra on hand.

get to know your hospitals menu. mine doesnt say, under the build your own sandwiches, that they will grill/toast them if you ask, but you can totally have them grill you a cheese. and the side of shredded cheese isnt listed at all - lots of stuff they will happily serve me isnt on there. talk to the food service people when youre ordering, i thought i was going to have to melt cheese slices onto a baked potato until she told me i could order it shredded

be nice to the nursing staff and they will help you out with stuff. any of them CAN microwave something for you, but its hard to ask if theyre already avoiding your room bc u just reamed them out for taking 5 minutes too long with your ice water (but do definitely stand up for yourself if they are actually screwing up on something!)

if your medical professional has you on a restricted diet and there are things the food service people will not let you order, i do not advocate using suborned accomplices to circumvent these restrictions. if you think your doctor is wrong about what you should be eating, talk to them about it. there may be some kind of compromise you can come to, or an alternative way to manage what they are hoping to achieve with the restriction - or they could just be full of it, and you have the right to put your foot down and request that they remove it or get a second opinion. i had a doc put me on a cardiac diet for a week because he misread a note in my chart, never told me he was doing it, and now im taking salt supplements because my sodium was low; this happens! so i had the conversation, he apologized and lifted the thing. doctors are human and they are not your boss (in this context, even if you personally are employed by or directly report to a doctor, dont be a smartass)

order as many non perishable snacks with every meal as they will let you, selection permitting they have something you like, until your storage is full. then only order snacks with your meals to maintain your stock, or perishables you intend to eat right away

beware the weird off brand sugar free jello with a smiley face on it, it melts at room temperature and it stains

Asd

[who-is-shades]

raz dnd 44

next morning! zen leaves parsleys tent and time for breakfast soup! wheatley is looking nervously at zen lol. senna fucked off into the woods lol. teya is exhasberated at zen lol. zen frowns and takes the soup away no breakfast for us. parsley says hes gonna hurt him if he makes soup again lol.

zen pulls out a pan with a frown and makes pancakes! senna comes back with a bundle of weeds. zen throws a pancake at parsley for being a little shit xD hes still frowning while cooking lol. parsley gets rouge back, teya put a lil bow on her :3

he hopes we choke on the food lol. teya whispers he choked on something allright lol. senna is not eating and just tossing weeds into the fire. zen gives wheatley one of those orbs so he can eat too lol. SP has picked up sennas plate and is shoving it against her lol.

androids not a foodie dont bring up the soup. parsley says the spite makes it taste great lol. time to go! after a while we see a big spiraling kingdom in the distance surrounded by a big wall. senna is noticibly lagging behind everyone. senna says she feels...weird. like an ice cold bath. she looks up at the wall nervously. she grabs papyrus hand and continues.

Serkonos! Guards at the gate! wheatley waves at them, bad idea. they blow a horn and an army runs out of the gate. senna tells wheatley to get behind her, and drags papyrus to the front with her. They immediately kneel.

Knight Papyrus and Queen Senna! wheatley peeks out lol. Senna tells them to be at peace, they are friends and here to investigate. They stand down and take senna and friends to the palace, forming a troope around everyone.

the guards on the walls have weird magical ballista lol. parsley flips them off lol. the people start kneeling as senna passes. they whisper as they see wheatley, assholes. As we cross the gate senna feels intense malice and hears 'finally' in her head and she collapses. NO MORE CLERIC?!

senna pales and is doing very unwell. tears roll down her face in silence. the guards take her away and summon some carriages. the royal guard! taken straight to a room with doctors and the door slams and stops the others from entering. a butler arrives and offers to take them to some rooms to rest. someone gaves wheatley some shoes cause he has no traction. they also gave some to teya she says no lol.

wheatley wants to room with teya lol. parsley also is going with them lol. teya asks for a large single room for everyone. their taken to a living room like place. teya asks if the door can be open a crack cause shes claustrophobic (liar) but he abides.

wheatley is trying to snuggle with everyone lol. teya transfers into nova dammit. cat mode activated. android grabs nova and says she causes problems for everyone. she just shakes her head lol. teya goes back to normal frustrated. android says to discuss shit with everyone first.

she just needs to get near the room to hear whats going on. she cant and wont do anything else as a cat lol. android gives the go-ahead nice. he'll take responsibility if something happens. teya rolls over cat style in front of the door lol. one guard wants to pet the others tell him not too lol.

theres nothing 'wrong' with senna says the doctors. its like shes extremely exhausted. papyrus says its much more than that. her faith, her connection, has been severed. hes seen such things before from paladins leaving his order. she needs rest and time to adjust. teya heads back!

teya says shits fucked. parsley groans and collapses on the couch. wheatley is freaking out and dissassociating. android is in thought. teya still doesnt trust papyrus aww. zen cant say much that doesnt work like that for him lol. so. they might be stuck here for a while. groans abound lol. parsley paces. a cat purrs with wheatley and parsley says its gonna explode. wheatley says no they dont xD

theres a knock at the door! its papyrus! senna will be fine he says, she just needs rest. a few hours hopefully. the docs are taking good care of her! wheatley asks what happaned. paps thinks her connection to her god was totally severed. no idea how or why. she might have been abandoned. shes a great person and a great fighter, and paps is gonna look into this for them.

he asks if they need any nourishment. their not in the mood. 5 minutes of paps and parsley staring at each other in silence XD when he leaves parsley asks how likely it was sennas god was killed. android says that doesnt happen unless all the followers are killed. if even 1 is left they will be alive. wheatley clings to android a little lol.

teya decides to use the spinglephone! groggy spingledorf! she asks why a god would leave a cleric. 1 reason is that their faith wasnt enough and they are deemed unworthy. it might be a test. gods are fickle. wheatley asks if something else or someone could do it. there ARE some ancient artifacts but those are temporary. during the time of the gods war so VERY old. unlikely to be any artifacts left. parsley asks spingledorf if hes heard of a henweigh. swing and a miss with him. wheatley asks it though but is confused with the answer.

teya wonders if sennas god is pissed shes working for robotgod. android says most gods arent all knowing, unless it pertains to sight or knowledge. teya asks how likely it is a god could misplace someone. android says it IS possible, but praying helps. senna stopped recently. uh oh.

zen remembers robogod looked into sennas god! he did not know of sennas. her god died during the gods war?! how does a god just disappear like that? there is the noble ember, they werent extinct despite their best. so their gods alive probably.

wheatley shifts uncomfortably. parsley sighs and asks wtf the god war is. android says the noble ember started it. wheatley interjects it was the people that killed chell. it lasted over a thousand years. a vengeful god, full of grudges. it mostly went after followers of primordial fire. one by one each god fell until the primordial fell.

gods fought back. it wasted the land, hence few kingdoms. this one is up and running decently. gods cant fight directly and used their followers. some joined the noble ember god. chaos. death. even 1 followers is enough to save a god. and you can bring it back if you find its ways of worship.

it IS possible someone got scriptures of sennas god and changed how it worship. the war is why android was created. to keep robogod safe and alive. robogod wants to bring them back if possible.

[dreamingwithmyadhd]

I am no father. I am not an uncle, I am not even a man, but rather a trans man. And none of my siblings are the age where I had to care for them. But besides that fact, I had a dream where I had a child. His name was Christopher, and he was a premature baby. In my dream, I held him in my arms, in a cold and dark hospital room. He had a hemangioma on his left arm. I have one on my right chest, so I assume it is genetics that made him so beautiful. 

A hemangioma is a benign tumor. They make my skin like the skin of an orange. peppered with pitholes and discolored in some places. Though, my skin is not rough and thick like that of an orange. It is like the skin on the back of one’s knees or under the eyes. 

While it is normal for babies to cry, he did not. He breathed in my arms and I watched his small lips pucker to take breaths. I felt my heart swell with anxiety and love for Christopher. 

And my head spins as I am swept away from the bed and sat down in a bedroom, my childhood bedroom with Christopher standing in front of me. His first steps. He started speaking before walking, so he cries out for me, the individual who birthed him, in a mushy garble as i watch with pounding anxiety as he stumbles to me. He looks like me, i realize. He has a round face and bright hazel green eyes. his hair curls across his forehead, a bright yellow blond. Red flushes the chubby sides of his face as he is young. He makes his way to me.

Step.

By.

Step. 

and i nearly cry. I am no father or uncle, and yet i feel so much compassion for a child i will realize later is not real. 

I am a single parent, i realize soon after finding no one else in the house and no record of a romantic partner. I already know i am asexual.

I spend flashing days with my son, my beautiful and intelligent son. he is just like me.

“Christopher, What do you want to learn?” i ask him.

He tells me he wants to study birds and stars. He tells me he likes the way they move in the big blue air, and at night they make their own cities. He is five years old and he shows me his drawing. It is of the two of us, i suppose. I cannot tell, for it is mostly the wild intelligible scribbles of a five year old. 

We spin to being in the doctors office and i watch Christopher whimper as he gets a shot. He is eight years old and i feel my skin sag and my bones ache as I get older. I feel my son turn to me and ask me if he’ll get sick or if he’ll be like a superhero. I tell him he will stay the same, loving Christopher he is.

He is my son, my own flesh and blood and it pains me to see him run off to school, and begrudgingly walk home. He spends more time in his room, and comes out for meals or a material object. His eyes dont light up anymore upon the mention of learning and i ponder if it is because of school or me.

My anxiety spirals me down a dark path of fearing i am a bad mother turned father. I do research, i take tests and i ask my friends if i am being too harsh on my pride and joy. 

I wish they tell me no, but i cant read their lips as silence floods out of their mouths like waterfalls, filling the room and drowning me in doubt. I gasp for air in the top of the room, but feel the weight of my legs drag me down until the room turns into a funnel and we spin until we fall through.

I ask my own mother if i am a bad parent, if i am doing something wrong for my son by being a trans man, or wanting to teach him, or making foods i think he’ll like but he doesnt.

Utter horrifying silence fills my head as she explains to me in a thousand different languages other than my own about her experience raising me and i hope she is telling me parenting takes time.

Christopher notices how frequently i ask if he’s ok. He notices how often i cry if he gets upset, and it puts pressure on him. His seventh birthday is coming up soon and i cant be a bad parent for this. He shouldnt deal with this at his age. I wish this were a dream, i breathe out and frown at the work in my hands. My own art laughs at me from my insecurities.

My son, Christopher is my Jupiter-hopping space cadet. Saying i love you is usually hard for me, to say to friends, family and romantic partners. But for him, the words slide their way into his ears more than a few times per day, and if i could, more than a few times per hour.

I wont be like my adopted parents, i tell myself. I will hold him with compassion. I will let him figure his way and help guide him. And yet i panic as i set out the cake for his birthday. I forget for a moment the name of his favorite flavor cake, and i ask myself if im bad for forgetting.

I hate myself for spiraling down and coming to the realization that this is a dream. I hate myself for now looking upon my beaming son, now seven years of age and knowing he isnt real. the cake in his cheeks and on the pltes in my hands arent real. My mother is not beside me, celebrating her grandson along with my siblings. 

And i wake up. I wake up and i gasp and clutch the air, wanting to go back to the world where my son, Christopher, is real. The world where he turns seven on his birthday, March twenty-seventh. 

I am nothing more than a nineteen year old girl in a lilac room with white curtains, the color choices having existed since the house was built before i was born. I gaze upon the dead roses on my dresser- from when i was sick with a life threatening disease. 

And I stare at the mirror that faces my bed. My hair is long, Branching and crawling its way down to my shoulder blades. My eyes blur as i feel my nose burn from tears. They prick my face, and they drag me out of bed to clean them up.

I miss my son. I wish to overcome my own insecurities to draw him, to make a permanent piece of work that shows the child I had. The child that lives within me.

[trans-mink]

Heres that post I said I'd make of my concert experiences in 2022 and my issues with access as a person with hypermobility.

Bare in mind I'd only ever been to 2 pre covid and I managed to get to 4 this year :D. I am still getting used to what works for me in terms of managing my disability in different contexts.

Queen

My first one of 2022 was queen and adam lambert. It was so good, those old men can move, their vocals are still in great nick especially Brian's. The visuals were great too, a lot of lights and imagery from their different eras. Adam on a spinning motorbike for Bicycle, hell yeah. Was hoping they'd perform Innuendo which is my fav queen song but they did not, they did do The show must go on however which is almost as good. Cried a lot at These are the days of our lives.

Can't say much in terms of access cos I was standing (bad decision bcs i hurt like hell afterward but i got that ticket off someone else so)

Carpenter Brut

Honestly wish I'd enjoyed it more but there were several things working against me there. Its the kind of music I listen to while doing other stuff cos its mostly instrumental so sitting and bobbing along kinda didnt cut it for me personally. I think id have had a better experience if I was able to stand up and dance as well as having the option to sit but we werent allowed to do that rip. No way I could have gone in the pit bcs by this point my mobility issues had worsened. That and I was worrying about my nova twins concert the following week bcs my doctor was refusing to provide a disability note for me :^).

In terms of access for that, I did have to go up stairs cos the building doesnt have lifts (listed venues baybeee). Thankfully i dont have trouble with stairs but a lot of people do so :/. The seats were not comfortable at all and my back hurt after 😭

Nova Twins

As previously mentioned I saw Nova Twins the week after and was given a disabled seat despite my doctor being a cunt about it. Very glad I did, the view was good and I was able to stand up/ dance when I needed to (if i sit for too long my hips lock). Got to see the hosts of We wear black pod there so that was great, got their signatures and they said i was pretty :'). The acts themselves went hard, most energetic concert I've been to bar janelle monae it was so much fun. Hurt my arms headbanging off the railing bcs of course I did. Wish they'd done Devil's Face but we move.

Again, this building is listed and has no lift and im unsure if it has ramps. The complain in terms of my own access is that the disabled seats were just benches and when I asked for a seat with a back I was told there were none (fantastic for those of us with back problems, my ass had to get on the floor and stretch out bc of them shitty seats and in the end it was comfier to stand and move around). Chased it up with a complaint email and was told they do keep chairs with back support but this clearly wasnt communicated to the security team. That or the guy I asked just couldnt be bothered which....

First Aid Kit

First concert I'd been to completely alone and I'm super happy I'm at a point where I can do things more independantly. Their Support Lola Kirke was good, amazed that this woman was able to jump around and play guitar with her nipples only covered by stars, if I did that I'd hit myself in the face.

First aid kit themselves were so fucking good, I went in without having listened to the new album (got a signed copy while i was there tho hehe), it was a good gamble cos I cried the instant they walked out on that stage and performed Palomino. Visuals were my second fav after Queen's, they had shots of horses, fields, ocean, stuff like that it was super pretty. Cried at Lion's roar and some other songs, think thats the most ive cried at a gig so far. Enjoyed it so much more than I thought I would holy shit. That bitch was packed to the rafters and everyone lost their shit it was so fucking loud!!!

I had a seat in circle with a pretty good view considering I was kinda late into getting tickets cos i had no idea they were touring until about a month ago jkdbfvjhbhjb. This time the seats didnt make my back hurt which is a plus :D.

Final thoughts

I'm happy that I got to see everyone I did this year bcs it helps me work out what I like and dont like and what works for me. I wish venues would not make people prove theyre disabled just to get a fucking seat (particularly if its an a standing venue!!!) and doctors stop restricting access to shit we clearly need like I wouldnt bother asking if it wasn't essential :^). Your accessible seating is not accessible if it doesn't provide basic support lol!!!!

[unhingcd]

if not for the overwhelming need for sleep, tae might have stayed up far too late lamenting on the last moments shared between herself and her fathers prized fighter. he'd clocked her reference almost too perfectly and the response was enough to keep a smile permanently etched on full lips well into the twilight hours. shes not even certain how much work got done and how much of it she spent thinking it over like some silly little girl and not the grown doctor she actually is. everything inside of her is working overtime to remind her how bad of an idea this is; how horrible its going to turn out if they take even the slightest step too far. as if the address coming in from a newly saved number isnt far enough. but its been a long time since shes done what she wants and not what someone else tells her.

act of late-stage rebellion makes room for feelings of guilt alongside the unmistakeble excitement that nearly jolts her awake. shes must have changed her outfit ten times since she rubbed the sleep from her eyes, but theres a stark contrast between what she wants him to think of her today and the night prior. she cant help whatever sarcastic residue may still stick to her tone or the aloof manner her body language speaks in. its what she knows best, and old habits die hard. at least that what she thinks to herself as she slips into her last choice; a simple, off the shoulder garment that hangs just above her knees. shes unsure of what she's supposed to be wearing in the first place, but from what time she spent looking the restaurant up, it feels right.

warm, welcoming aura stands out amongst the other rigid and somewhat uniform buildings when tae arrives. it takes pressure off the fact that the typically prudent woman is nearly five minutes late, something she'll kick herself for later. now, she chooses to place her focus on the enticing aromas and friendly staff who greet her like shes been there a thousand times when shes never had the opportunity to step into the building.

all it takes is a mention of his first name to be guided in the right direction. shes nervous, and she hope it doesnt show in the way she fidgets with the long, pale green sleeve of her dress. "i did." short confirmation as she wraps one arm around his well-sculpted frame for a brief embrace. she may have let it linger if it wasn't their first outing together. he feels strong, safe and damn does he smell good. but she doesn't allow herself to come off as too eager. theres still a chance he could come to his senses and realize that this encounter is less than ideal. that she may not be worth the trouble. "did you think i was gonna pass up the chance to come in here?" playful quip as she takes the seat across from him and the menu offered by the waitress with genuine gratitude.

"so," she begins, tipping the laminated book downward to take a peek at him, "you give me some suggestions on what to order- good ones, and i'll answer whatever questions you have for me. sound like a deal?"

it's REFESHING to meet a person as humble as she. fighting means a life of flashing lights and glamorous TROPHY wives. most of his friends had women that seemed to care more for the money if anything. can anyone blame them? it's hard to invest in love for a man who gets his face BEATEN as a career choice. to most it seems easier to avoid avoid avoid. romance rarely has space in the dark world of FIGHTING, contrary to what the movies make it seem like.

and even so, the fighter grins at her acceptance. the testosterone in his system YEARNS to yell and cheer when she agrees. but he keeps his composure and leans on the wall to keep STEADY as he excitedly nods. when the paper holding his new CONNECTION to her is set by his stuff, he doesn't race towards it. bruce keeps his composure and nods at her. "i won't say a thing." a cliché, yet effective, mime of zippers across his lips seals his promise.

the playful nickname, ROCKY, warrants a teasing "TAEYANG!" with his fists in the air, jokingly portraying the iconic scene from the stallone flick while she walks away from him. once the door shuts and he's sure that she can't see him, he keeps his fists PUMPING in the air, as if he's won a match. bruce calmly sighs "yes!" under his breath and grabs his belongings, tosses a towel over his shoulder and leaves the gym.

- time skipp -

a perfect professional record meant that bruce was well dressed for a LAVISH lunch date. cotton and silk shirt with summer shorts mix well with GOLDEN sunglasses that make him look like a celebrity. a few people recognize bruce, but the establishment is so upscale that many fans don't get the opportunity to really see him—not that they'd care enough to. he's making his way up the ladder but sometimes forgets that he's a ROOKIE.

the restaurant is more like a haitian lounge. it's open and lets tons of light in, with servers dressed like island hotel servers. you'd almost forget that this place was in the HEART of the city. it's fairly fancy, though bruce remembers when it was more of a foodtruck. the owner was like a MOTHER to him, when he was younger, constantly giving him free food when he couldn't afford it. to this day, the owner constantly claims that bruce's muscles are the result of her famous BOULÈT.

he glances at his phone. he's early. there had to be something that's said about how nervous he is. partially because he DOES care what she thinks, but also feels that some of the respect he has for her father definitely carries over to her. her father has done so much for him—seems like everyone in his life has carried him through multiple hardships. but with a couple victories under his belt, maybe now he can grant others the same kindness he's recieved. and if that meant taking taeyang out on a nice meal, then it'd be a start in the right direction.

bruce feels a harsh NUDGE by one of the waitresses, who had been a childhood friend of his, pushing him to be polite and stand when his date arrives. he gathers himself and quickly greets her, directing her to their booth that found itself nestled in the corner, giving them privacy. "you came." the fighter smiles. 

[ptergwen]

idea for a peter x stark!reader: the graveyard scene at the end of nwh and reader is there with happy, visiting tony's grave (lets just pretend he was buried in the same place as may) and she sees peter but doesnt remember him at all :((

something to remember me by

warnings: BIG NWH SPOILERS and angst lots of angst

a/n: i changed it a bit so they’re all visiting may :( my heart absolutely broke writing this btw um have tissues on hand

-

icy air nips at peter’s skin as he paces himself through the cemetery. he carries a white rose along with him, his thumb skimming over its thorns.

he’s severely underdressed for the chilled winter day, something aunt may would surely chastise him for. he could never step an inch outside the apartment until she made sure he was bundled from head to toe.

it used to bug peter to no end. now, he understands that she was only looking out for him. all may ever did was for him.

her love might have been overbearing at times, but that’s because may parker loved fiercely. she loved with her entire being. mind, body, and soul.

she’d taught her nephew to do the same, which is why peter stands before her grave alone. he asked doctor strange to cast a spell making everyone forget him.

knowing peter comes with consequences. he refuses to ruin the lives of those dearest to him any more than he already has, so he thought it best to remove himself from them.

in turn, peter lost the few people he had left; happy, ned, mj, you. he’s on his own. but, maybe that’s for the best.

maybe, that’s what he deserves.

peter kneels so he can set the rose down in front of may’s headstone. he reads its engraving, his eyes instantly glossing.

when you help someone

you help everyone

peter’s chest aches, his heart excruciatingly heavy.

before his grief consumes him, he heaves himself off the ground. he distracts himself by admiring the other bouquets of flowers brought by the many who may touched.

that fierce love of hers went both ways.

proving this to be true, two pairs of feet pad toward peter in the snow. whoever they belong to, they’re visiting may.

“thanks for coming with me, kiddo. it can’t be easy, being here after your dad.”

peter’s head snaps up when he recognizes happy’s voice. happy, he’s missed him terribly. he never even got the chance to say goodbye.

he must be talking to…

“it isn’t, but may was important to you. that makes her important to me, too.”

you.

“y/n?” your name tumbles out of peter’s mouth like word vomit.

he doesn’t notice the confusion your features hold.

peter approaches you slowly, the fragility of yours and his situation pushed to the back of his mind. he blinks his teary eyes that have settled on you.

“it’s… it’s so good to see you. how’ve you been?” he breathes.

you’re beside happy with a comforting hand on his shoulder. happy pats your hand, then continues the short distance to may’s grave.

that leaves you and peter alone.

he takes you in as if it’s for the first time.

there are snowflakes stuck to your hair from snowfall earlier, a scarf wound tightly around your neck. it has a checker print that’s tattered from how worn it is.

it’s peter’s.

he’d lent it to you just recently, during one of your late night walks. you often went on those together.

you were cold, and peter was determined to warm you up. you’d tried to protest at first, too proud to accept the scarf from him, so he decided to wrap you in it himself. you ended up liking it so much that peter let you keep it.

that feels like ages ago, but it was only a matter of days.

“sorry, i…” you trail off, studying the rosy cheeked stranger who’s gazing at you. “do i know you?”

you don’t remember him.

of course you don’t, hence the memory erasing spell.

part of peter hoped it hadn’t worked on you. the selfish part of him, that is. you’re better off this way.

“uh… no,” peter lies, technically.

“but, you know me,” you reiterate. “how’s that so?”

the tips of peter’s ears turn a shade of pink that matches his cheeks. he tugs at the beanie he’d thrown on earlier, covering them.

“you’re a stark,” peter clarifies, shrugging to feign nonchalance. “everyone knows you.”

that is how he met you, through tony. you were the pretty assistant in your dad’s lab, and peter was the dorky avenger in training who would “accidentally” damage his tech so he’d have an excuse to spend time with you.

you press your lips into a polite smile.

“right, yeah. i’d forget if the whole world wasn’t constantly reminding me,” you laugh out.

peter’s sunken heart soars at the sound.

his doe eyes lock with yours.

“your dad… tony. he, uh, he was a real hero,” peter praises. “best of us all.”

you break the eye contact and clear your throat, hands shoving into the pockets of your jacket.

there’s a beat before those words register with you.

“us, huh?” you echo the stranger, who might not be so strange. “are you sure we haven’t met?”

peter winces. he gives a shake of his head, followed by a sniffle.

“oh, uh huh. yeah. i’m positive. positive. i just- i meant that-“

“are you okay?” you interject, your tone softer. “you’re crying.”

brows furrowed, peter swipes his fingers under his eyes. the skin is wet, and his lips taste of salt when he licks them out of habit.

he hadn’t realized.

“i’m fine,” peter assures you. he plasters on another smile for your sake. “really, i am.”

“you definitely aren’t,” you state the obvious.

you’re right. he isn’t fine, not in the slightest. may is gone, tony is gone. despite being right within his reach, you’re gone.

there’s nothing anymore.

there’s nothing.

“i’m assuming you’re here for may parker,” you gesture to happy at may’s grave, revealing, “they, um, dated or something. between you and me, i think it was a bit one sided.”

peter finds himself chuckling upon the mention of may’s and happy’s summer fling. he was more into it than her, to be fair.

“anyway, i’m here for support. i didn’t get the chance to know may too well,” you explain with regret. “but, from what i’ve heard… she was a hero, too. i’m sorry.”

you did know may, though. she loved you like one of her own, peter sometimes swore more than she loved him. you’d hit it off the moment he introduced you two.

since it was because of him you knew each other, he supposes those memories have faded.

“she… she…” peter tugs his wobbly lip between his teeth. “yeah, she was.”

your concern is piqued once again when you notice how the stranger’s body trembles.

“seriously, are you alright?” you question him, eyes fixed on his shaking form. “i’ll bet you’re freezing right now… you must be.”

honestly, he is. the thin material of his attire is no match for new york’s winter weather.

he exhales a cloud of smoke from his mouth, rubbing at his tear stained cheeks with his sleeve.

“what gave it away?” peter jokes.

you begin to pull your scarf loose from your neck.

“here, try this,” you offer the scarf to peter, without a second thought. he’s taken aback by your kind gesture. “no, i… i can’t do that. it’s yours,” peter insists, voice hoarse.

despite his refusal, you place the scarf in his hand. you close his fist around it conclusively, still your same stubborn self. peter stares down at your gloved hand over his. you’re smiling at him when he looks back up, a genuine smile.

“you need it more than i do.”

peter mirrors your infectious smile, nodding once. you let go of his hand so he can slip on the scarf. silently, you watch as he tucks it into his jacket, its scent smelling of you. he inhales a deep breath and lets it flood his senses.

“suits you well,” you compliment the scarf, peter laughing quietly. “thanks,” he rasps.

“well…” you glance over at happy, then back to the not-so-strange stranger. “i should really check on him. you gonna be okay?”

“yeah,” peter murmurs, repeating in a whisper, “yeah.”

for the first time since getting into this mess, he will be.

“sorry again about may,” you sympathize with him.

peter’s head hangs low, his eyes stinging from his dried tears. he doesn’t say anything to you in response, anything at all. you take that as your cue to go.

“wait!” peter stops you the second you turn.

you oblige, both eyebrows raised expectantly.

he doesn’t want you to leave, but you don’t have an actual reason to stay. so, he makes one up.

“aren’t you gonna need this back?” peter points to the scarf.

you grin as you start to walk backwards toward happy, sharing your ironic sentiment.

“keep it,” you call to the stranger, who desperately grips your scarf between his fingers.

“it’s something to remember me by.”

[dream-a-little-longer-1]

Hi, I'm Izz. I hope you are doing well 💜. I'm just started using this app only to read Moriarty fanfic 🙂 and I found your blog.

I read all your writings regarding Moriarty and I enjoy it. I see you accept requests, so if possible I want to request 👉🏻👈🏻 about reactions or feelings or POV of Moriarty siblings (you can add Sherlock or Mycroft) if their s/o have a miscarriage. Uhh and can u make it angst.... I hope it's not too much, since this is the first time I message someone😄. Have a good day 💕

I'm gonna paste the request here just to see how it works 😊. But how to change the font colors? coz I see you use blue 🔵, purple 🟣 & green 💚. Anyway thanks again for accepting my request 😊

Hello lzz!! how's it going?

Welcome to tumblr!!!i hope you're enjoying yourself!!!

Ofc its not too much! it'll be my pleasure to write ur first request ever!!!

Oh btw,ppl who send asks cant change the color of their fonts (i think,since im using tumblr for mobile.)

i hope u enjoy it!

Love, Luna

✧*.｡*♡✧*.｡*♡✧*.｡*♡✧*.｡*♡✧*.｡*♡✧*.

Albert

•helplessness,fear, terror and a bone crushing sadness

•were all Albert could feel as he stepped through hallways

•when the doctor had told him about your miscarriage,he didnt know how to feel

•what to do

•and when he reaches the room that you're supposed to be in,and hears heartbreaking sobs coming from the inside

•he knows he cant face you;after all,he broke his promise

•the promise to always take care of you and your child when you first realized that you were pregnant

•he broke his promise to you,but most of all,he broke the promise to himself that he will never hear you cry

•Albert knows he cant face you right now

•but he knows he cant runaway,nor can he leave you by yourself

•so with heavy steps,and a heavy heart that seems to break with every choked sob that you let out

•he steps inside your room,and without a word

•embraces you tightly

•and when you bury your face in his chest,Albert closes his eyes

•and prays for better days

William

•William cant believe what he's hearing as the doctors tell him why you're currently laying on the bed, motionless and staring out the window without blinking

•he knows miscarriages are normal,but i when it happens to his own wife?

•William thinks he has never felt this crushed before

•the feeling of losing the child he loved even before he gets the chance to see them

•freezes him right where he stands

•he can see how broken you are

•not looking his way or saying anything

•just staring out at the gray skies like they hold the reason to all your misfortunes

•he feels numb

•tired

•exhausted

•but he also knows that he needs to be strong,for you

•so without any word,he takes a sit at the chair besides your bed

•and takes your hand

•to stare up at the gray sky as well

•in hope that maybe one day, it'll be clear blue again

Louis

•his knees buckle beneath him

•and as they make contact with the hard floor,he doesnt even feel the sharp pain through his skin and bone

•but the pain in his heart

•surely is the most suffocating he's ever felt

•tears well up in his scarlet eyes as Louis takes in your pale feature

•how you're sleeping poorly with tear stained face

•his hands shake as he reaches toward your cheek,to wipe at still damped skin

•Louis blames himself,for everything that's happened to you

•he blames himself for your pain,for your sadness

•and he knows that nothing he does will ever make his sin and guilt lighter

•he knows that even if one day,you bring yourself to forgive him

•he cant ever forgive himself

•so he bends his head low

•and clenches your hand tightly in his

•and sheds silent tears in the darkness of your room

Mycroft

•Mycroft tries hard to keep his cool as he stands behind the closed doors of your shared bedroom

•when the doctor had told him about your miscarriage with fake calmness,he had rushed to where you were supposed to be as fast as possible

•but even as he takes a deep breath

•and closes his eyes to reach for the door handle

•he cant, however,mask how his hands are shaking

•and how loud his heart is beating

•he kept praying for you to be asleep,so he doesnt have to face you

•but when he sees you sitting on your bed

•your face pale;dark circles decorating your lifeless eyes

•it makes him want to run

•but with shaky legs,he comes to your bed

•and sits down on the edge of it

•he doesnt know what to say,or do to comfort you

•but when you take his hands in yours

•a shaky breath escapes him,as he lowers his head

•rests his forehead against the back of your hand

•and for once in your life together

•your husband shakes while shedding silent tears on your lap

[happys-crazy-queen22]

Hero In A Cowboy Hat

Gif credit @bodybebangin.

Requested by anon. I hope you like it.

Taglist @ackles-nhl. @cbouvier23. @mysty-psycho. @kaymudd.

WARNING: assault is the theme, attempted sexual assault, blood, bruises, killing, murder, assault, breaking in, shooting.

Caution when reading.

Rip had just pulled up into the Dutton Ranch driveway coming from taking care of business when he saw the ambulance at the main house. He floored the gas and got to the main house in seconds. Breaking hard causing a giant gust of dirt to fly up.

"What the fuck happened"? Rip slammed his door asking the ranch hands that were standing outside.

Lloyd came over with his hat in his hand. "I'm sorry to tell you this Rip but Y/N was attacked". Rip gulped, balling up his fist. He marched past the cops that were trying to stop him. "Get the fuck out of my way". He threw a cop on the ground. Luckily for Rip the cop was on his side.

"John"? Rip called out seeing John standing by the couch a hand covering his mouth. Broken glass littered the house. Furniture knocked over and broken. "Where's Y/N"? Rip asked but before John could say anything they heard screaming coming from the bedroom.

Rip ran to your room and slung open the door. You sat on the floor, your knees held against your chest. Beth kneeled beside you as the paramedics tried to help you but you didnt want their help. You wanted to be alone and Rip could sense that.

"Y'all need to get the fuck out. She doesnt want you to touch her so beat it". Rip growled, taking his hat off.

"We need to check her over and take her to the hospital". One of the paramedics explained.

"Get out now". Rip gritted his teeth stepping forward. The paramedics nodded and left. Beth left with them.

Rip crouched down beside you, moving a piece of hair from your face. He saw the black eye forming and the bloodied lip. He looked over you and saw your clothes were torn, your arms were scratched up. You had blood under your nails.

"What happened baby"? Rip gulped down his tears, his lips quivered.

You couldnt say anything, you just flung yourself onto Rip and cried into his shoulder. You didnt want to talk about it right now. Not to Rip your boyfriend.

"Shhh, everythings going to be okay? I love you so much". Rip gently wrapped his arm around you and the other under your legs picking you up and putting you on the bed.

You sniffled as you laid on the bed, starring out the window, blankly.

"You know who did it"? Rip asked clearing his throat then he started  chewing on his lip. He knew you didnt want to talk about it but maybe you would give up the person.

"Just a friend of my fathers". You sobbed after you told Rip. Rip walked around to the other side of the bed and laid down beside you.

"Baby, I know you dont want to go to the hospital but I think you need to get checked out". Rip gently laid his hand on yours.

"He didnt. He was close too but daddy came home and caught him. He shot at him but he got away. I fought back and I tried to get him off but I couldn't". You quietly sobbed.

Rip was a relieved that he didnt get to go any further. He was so proud of you for putting up a fight. But he still wanted this guys head on a stake.

"Will you go if I take you"?

"Will you stay with me"?

"Of course but I'm going to catch this guy and I'm gonna kill him".

"I know you will". You looked up at him and slightly smiled.

Rip got the blanket off the end of the bed and wrapped it around you, he picked you up and carried you to his truck without saying a word to anyone. He put his truck in reverse and headed down the driveway.

Arriving at the hospital Rip waited in the waiting room even with protest, threats and yelling. It was protocol that he waited out side. But he didnt waste any time finding out who this guy was.

He called up Lloyd and Kayce, they were to find the guy and bring him to the ranch. Rip would take care of him there.

Soon you got your room and settled in. The doctors wanted to keep you over night just for observation.

"John and Beth are coming to stay with you.  I have something to take care of but I'll be back. I promise". Rip kissed your forehead.

"I know". You rubbed his forearm just as Beth came in.

"I'll see y'all later". Rip tipped his hat and left. He was on a mission for vengeance.

Rip wiped blood from his face as the man sitting in front of him spat on him.

"You tell that fine piece of ass that this isnt over". He chuckled which landed a right hook from Rip to his face.

"Shut your fucking mouth". Rip yelled, his voice echoed through the barn. Lloyd, Kayce and Ryan stood guard. Watching Rip destroy this guy.

"Hehehe. You think your some big macho man? You got a surprise coming for you". The man laughed, blood pouring down his nose.

"Well, you wont be there to see it". Rip pulled out his gun and shot him between the eyes. He fell to the ground with a thud. Gun smoke withering out of the bullet hole.

Rip wrapped the body in a tarp and dug a hole off the Dutton Ranch. Somewhere no one would find him then he went home took a shower and headed back to the hospital.

When he got there you were asleep. Sleeping peacefully. He came in and sat down beside you in the chair.

"You okay"? Your groggy voice startled Rip.

"I'm fine. You dont have to worry about anything any more. It's taken care of". Rip took your hand in his.

"My hero. I love you, Rip". You smile, a tear rolling down the corner of your eye.

"I love you. Now get some sleep. I'll be here". Rip sat back in his chair, tilting his hat down and secretly watched you as you drifted off to sleep.

He wasnt going to let this happen again. Not on his life.

[hereforhalstead]

Pizza and A Pack of Beers

*Gif not mine, credits to the owner*

• Pairing: Jay Halstead x Reader.

• Requested: Yessss by my bestie who takes up 80% of my requests and i absolutely love her for it lmao @halsteadlover​

Hiiii bestie so you know what I'm about to ask you soooo pleaseeeeee write about jealous Jay turning up at your place after Kim set you up on a date with someone from med like I KNOW FOR A FACT you'd write it PERFECTLY 😩😩😩😩😩 can't wait to read it

Love you lots don't hate me lol xx 💞

• Warnings: Swearing

• Summary: Kim sets you up on a date but it doesn’t go well and there’s only one person you wish would turn up at your door to comfort you but when he does you don’t expect him to tell you everything you’ve always wanted him to say.

• Words: 6089.

• A/N : thank you so much for 500 followers!! You have no idea how happy this platform makes me and how I don’t feel I deserve this at all but I appreciate each and every one of you for putting up with me! I’ know I promised some jealous jay which this is slightly but im so weak for soft Jay at the moment.. hope this lives up to your expectations bestie, if it doesn’t dont kill me and i apologise for the title, i couldn’t think of a good one lmao. Also, I have about 5 other requests on the go at the moment which I’ll be posting one at the weekend. I’m not ignoring them, I promise I’m working on them but I just want to make sure they’re right before they’re posted.

Hope you enjoy!

***

“Y/N?” Adam calls out from the other side of the room “you coming Molly’s? Kev’s buying” he remarks but the displeased look on Atwaters face tells a different story “Uh, no he is not”. You chuckle but shake your head, checking to see who’s around with a slight relief it was just the 3 of you as the others were in the lockeroom grabbing their stuff. 

“I can’t, enjoy though” you chime, shutting the drawers in your desk and tossing the key to Adam who looks back at you confused “Is this because Kev said he wasn’t buying?” he raises his brows to Atwater who holds his hands up in defence “Don’t look at me bro, you ain’t gonna get round me”.

You roll your eyes at the pair and groan “I have a date, alright?”you confess and their eyes widen at your comment “Like a date, date?” Adam probes “What other kind of dates are there?” you mock, grabbing your coat from the back of your chair before placing it over your arm.

 “With who?” Kevin interupts, reminding you how grateful you were it was just the 3 of you as god knows how much this unit loves a gossip. 

“Halstead?” Adam asks and you scoff “Yeah right, he wishes” you remark but they stand stern before you as you knit your brows in hesitancy “What? Kim set me up with some doctor from Med” you innocently question, Kevin runs his hand along his jawline as he smirks “You two confuse me, I swear you’re like obsessed with each other yet neither of you will do anything about it?”. 

You find yourself speechless at his answer as you never realized how much people had caught on. You and Jay had been partners since the beginning, Voight teaming you up to be ‘good cop, bad cop’ on a mission and years later here you were.

Surely the little added extras just came with how close you had to be in the job, right? Knowing one an other better than you know yourself, being able to reel off their coffee order without having to think twice, the pang of worry you feel when things start to go south were all just natural, surely?

You can’t say you hadn’t let your mind wander to the thought of you and Jay being more. The way you catch him looking at you sometimes as you bury yourself in paperwork, his late night calls to make sure you got home safe from a night out, offering you a place to stay if you’d worked too late and he didn’t want you to be alone.

You’d become so accustom to it at this point that you didn’t think twice about the little guestures but clearly others had. If there was something you’d learnt quickly in this job it was that word travels fast and something doesnt stay a secret for long, you only dread the conversations they’ve had about you and Jay behind your back and wonder if he’s thinking the same. 

You shrug Kevin’s comments off as they stand waiting for you to give your usual witty response “His loss” you scorn, earning an sharp intake of breath from the pair as Adam brings a fist to his mouth to laugh

 “Does he know about this little date you’ve got?” he asks but before you can respond, the man himself and Kim stroll into the room and you slightly swear under your breath that you hadn’t left sooner. 

“Everyone coming?” Kim asks and you brace yourself for how Kevin and Adam are going to land you in it but to your surprise, neither of them do. “Y/N said she’ll join us later” Adam speaks for you to which you nudge his arm after saying no such thing

 “You want me to tell Halstead you got a date?” he mumbles and you roll your eyes “Exactly” he sarcastically smiles before turning back to the others. 

“Why you not going now?” Jay asks and you stutter your words before Kevin interjects “She’s got female stuff to deal with man, leave it at that” he comments and you internally want to give him a punch to the shoulder at the thought he really couldn’t come up with anything better. 

“Everything okay?” Jay probes, slight hint of worry in his tone but you’re yet again spoken for by Adam “She’s all good man” he assures and Jay chuckles “She can’t speak for herself?”. You make your way in front of your two new apparent bodyguards and catch the look as Kim finally twigs onto why you’re not joining them in Molly’s

“Oh yeah, she’s just got other plans” she sends a wink in your direction and you laugh at the fact you still actually haven’t said a word considering you were the one being questioned.

“I’ll see you later” you comment, turning to head down the stairs of the district but not before Adam can get one more quip in as you leave “Don’t do anything I wouldn't do!” he calls out, clearly already forgetting the ‘female stuff’ reason they gave.

You can already see the glare Jay shoots him, he hates not being in the know about something and especially if it came to you and it was even worse if he was being lied to about it. Despite this, something deep down told you it was for the best he didn’t know about your date.

You can hear them all cackling at your expense behind you so you decided to have the last laugh at Adams clever comment “Doesn’t leave me with much does it Ruzek?” you hear them ‘ooo’ at your come back, followed by a “oh, come on” groan from Adam which confirms you’d won. 

**

You sat at the table, running your fingertip along the top of your wine glass as you listened to the man opposite groan about his neighbours and the dog that barks in the middle of the night. Struggling to remember the last time you opened your mouth to speak, let alone him trying to engage you in the conversation.

Your mind wandered over to the group at Molly’s, picturing how Adam would be ordering another round of shots and despite the moaning everyone would cheer as he goes to grab another tray.

There’d be some deep conversations going on about things that had gone wrong throughout the week, encouraged by a few drinks as the heart felt stories pour out.

Most importantly all you could think of was your partner sat there without you by his side. Your stupid smug face partner who would constantly piss you off to the brink of wanting to murder but, he always knew how to get back on your good side with the mischievous glint in his eye everytime. He was your partner and most importantly, he wasn’t the man sitting opposite you. 

At this point, thinking about what you needed on your next trip to the grocery store was what was keeping you sane and not falling asleep in your meal. Your favoritie meal wasn’t even appealing to you anymore, pushing the carbs around with your fork as you winced at the sound of the fork occasionally scraping the plate.

If someone paid you 100 bucks you couldn’t say what he was currently complaining about and you’re surprised how he hasn’t picked up on the fact your mind was a million miles away. 

“Everything okay with the meal?” you jolt out of your thoughts as the waiter approaches to clear your plates, looking down embarrassed at the pitiful attempt you’d made at finishing the dish.

“Lovely thank you but I’m just too full” you remark, taking the final sip of your drink and also handing the glass to the water “Just the bill please” you add to the surprise of your date, Brad who looked at you confused. 

“Wrapping this up so soon?” he mocks, raised brows to match his tone as he also finishes his drink.

“Just not feeling great” you lie, thinking it would be the easiest excuse to leave early but he wasn’t having it as he shrugged “Come back to mine and I’ll look after you”.

Well, if you didn’t feel ill before you did now, the smugness drawn across his face sends shivers down your spine and not in a good way. He’d spoken about nothing but himself all evening and now he expects you to go back to his place even though you’d just said you don’t feel well? 

“I’m fine thanks” you decline, grateful for the bill being placed between the pair of you as the waiter returns. “Will we be splitting it this evening?” he innocently asks, Brad confidently slamming his card onto the table before you can even reach your purse with a cocky remark “There’s more than enough on there to cover this, big man”. You offered a weak smile, containing the internal scoff you so badly wanted to let out but covered your mouth with your hand to stop yourself.

 The waiter looks down at you, subtle eye roll as you let out a sigh “Have a good evening” he offers, quick to turn and leave the pair of you sat in silence as you make the first move to leave.

Standing and pushing your chair under the table to which he soon follows, holding his arm out to allow you to walk in front of him. The hairs on the back of your neck stand as you feel his gaze piercing into your lower back, the instant regret of wearing such a skin tight dress loomed as you finally made it outside the restaurant.

“I’m gonna call a cab to take me home” you distract yourself by loading the app on your phone but he chuckles “Oh, so you’re really not coming back to mine?” he slurs, luckily not facing you as you’re unable to withhold the look of disgust at his continuous comments and clearly not getting the hint. 

You flinch as a hand presses against your back, feeling him breathing down on you and instantly wanting to heave from the smell of booze on his breath as he speaks “Come on pretty girl, I’ll make you feel better”. He drapes his jacket around your shoulders and despite how hard you try to shrug it off he keeps it firmly on your shoulders.

This wasn’t the feeling you were used too, normally it was your partners jackets being handed to you after a long night and he notices you shivering or simply a way to say ‘I told you so’ after he insisted you should bring a jacket but you shut him down with the endless ‘Jay, I’ll be fine’ comments but eventually giving in to be engulfed in his attire.

As much as you tried to not compare the two, it was like an angel and devil on each shoulder. One was reminding you of the constant digs or snarky comments he would make that drove you insane but there was the other that pushed the thoughts of what made him so great.

When he would stay late at the district because you wanted to wrap a case up and he didn’t want you to be alone or the time he would bring you a coffee in the morning after watching you knock back drinks at Molly’s the night before. He was a pain in the ass but my god, he was worth every annoyance.

Brad really wasn’t getting the hint, you bat his chest to get him off you as he stumbles back “Thanks for dinner” you mock, grateful the cab you’d ordered had just spun round the corner, securing your safety and ticket away from the dreadful man.

You quickly open the door and jump in, shutting the door behind you and locking it “You didn’t give me your number” he calls out on the other side of the window but you grimace a smile “If it’s meant to be, you’ll guess it”.

The cab driver clearly got the hint better than Brad did, slamming his foot onto the pedal as he drives away “Rough night?” he jokes to which you huff with your head leaning on the window “Like you wouldn’t believe”.

**

You’d thought about going to Molly’s to put a positive end to your night but even that didn’t appeal to you. You directed the cab driver to your apartment where you were now slouched on the sofa, silence only being interrupted by the gargles from your stomach and the regret of not finishing your meal earlier playing on your mind.

Feeling sorry for yourself after removing your make up and change into some comfier clothes, shoving them into the wash to get rid of any smell from Brad. Half tempted to burn them to destroy any evidence completely.

Aimlessly scrolling through your phone, laughing at the videos posted to social media of everyone in Molly’s downing drinks like there was no tomorrow as they raised a glass to anything they could think of as an excuse to get another.

Slightly regretting not going but the last thing you wanted was to be bombarded with questions as soon as you enter the door, questions you didn’t want to lie about to avoid hurting Kim’s feelings but also it was a group of detectives, they could tell a lie from a mile off.

Meanwhile, Adam was at the bar with Kim who was bragging about the man she had set you up with and how great the pair of you would be together. Jay listened intently, trying his best to pry his attention away but failing as he innocently drank his beer with the occasoinal nod or hum in agreement to Kim’s spiel.

He didn’t wait to hear it.

He didn’t want to hear how she thought this man was perfect for you. He didn’t want to hear she thought you’d be having such a great time. He didn’t want to hear it yet he couldnt tear himself away.

Suddenly Kim jumps from her seat, bounding towards the door as Brad enters. She was clearly expecting you to be there so couldn’t hide the dissapointment when he walked in alone, Jay was equally as confused but dare he say, relieved?

The thought of you walking in on another man’s arm would inrage him so was quite glad to see him bowl in by himself. Kim ushered him over to Jay and Adam at the bar to join them, shouting to Herrmann to get him a beer as he introduces himself to the pair. 

“Ah, you’re Will’s brother?” Brad comments, holding his hand out to offer but Jay keeps one hand wrapped around the bottle at his lips and the other resting on the bar, causing Brad to retract his hand back into his pocket “Yeah, that’s me” he responds with a dry tone, wanting Brad to get the hint he was the last person he’d want stood in front of him right now. 

“Yeah, she mentioned you actually” Brad comments, also taking a sip of his beer as Jay’s eyes light up at the thought of you talking about him, even during a date “Said how annoying you are” he chuckles at his own comment to which Adam and Kim join in the amusement but Jay was stern faced and not enjoying the digs in the slightest.

“How was it then?” Kim raises her voice in excitment to change the subject after noticing the glare Jay was currently burning into Brad’s side. “Man, she’s great” he gloats, leaning back on his heels as he smirks “Quite a mouth on her too”. Kim almost chokes on her drink at his comment, Jay suddenly you having a tight grip on the beer bottle as his fists clench.

“Couldn’t shut her up, she loved talking to me about everything. Kept going on about how much she was missing her little sister and her dog Lily” he shrugged but Jay scoffed.

 “She said that?” he asks, confidence laced in his voice as he took another sip of his beer before earning a nod from Brad “Interesting” he mumbles, flicking his eyes over to Kim and Adam who also had knitted brows in confusion.

“What did she order?” Jay continues to interrogate, clearly unsettling Brad as he harshly swallows “What’s with all the questions?” he hits back to which Jay shrugs casually “I’m a detective, can’t help myself sometimes”.

Kim clears her throat to break the tension as Jay and Brad continue staring at each other. Even with the disadvantage of Jay being sat on the stool and Brad towering over him, Jay still couldn’t stop himself thinking how easy it would be to tackle him to the ground if he dared to say something about you that would set him off.

“Some salad thing, barely touched it she was so invested in what I was saying. Think she just wanted to get me back to hers” he raises his brows to Adam who responds with a disgusted look, he wasn’t getting the right vibe from Brad and even worse he wasn’t getting the hint.

Jay let’s put a pitiful laugh which grabs Brads attention “Am I missing something here?” he questions, directing his voice to Adam but Jay stands to bring the attention back onto him.

“First of all, she doesn’t have a sister or a dog” he commands as he harshly places his now empty beer bottle on the bar and watches how Brad quickly looks down at the firm hand placed round the shockingly in tact bottle but then back up to Jay’s menacing glare.

“Second of all, stop bullshitting about how well it went when she was clearly would’ve thought you were as dull as dish water and would prefer watching paint dry” he hands some money across to Adam to pay for his round before excusing himself.

 “You don’t have to be a detective to work out she’s way too good for you” he spits out at Brad as he passes, nudging his shoulder as he passes and heads for the door. He could barely gather his thoughts, he didn’t know what he was doing or what he would say but he just needed to be with you. 

**

You tutted at the reality show, screaming the occasional curse word at a stupid answer or calling out if you thought of it before the contestants did. You usually hated reality shows, refusing to watch any of the popular yearly series that grace the screen but this was helping to distract you from your awful evening and how much you wished you’d just gone to Molly’s.

‘I’d rather be with them’ you thought to yourself before audially sighing when you realize you really should be saying ‘I’d rather be with him’. 

Thoughts of Jay being in Molly’s grow increasingly harder to ignore, you know how much female attention he gets and can only picture the way he’s enjoying himself without having to look over his shoulder and see you giving the girl a death glare. 

He was probably talking to the third or fourth girl of the night by now and not even through trying. He’d head to the bar to order a round and instantly be caught by a girl at his side, tossing her hair around with a cringy giggle as she tries it on with him.

Depending on his mood, he’d either entertain it to pass the time as he waits for the drink or in his gentlemanly way tell her he was here to enjoy time with his friends and wasn’t interested but of course you couldn’t possibly think of the second option right now.

In your head he was outside with some girl, pinning her against the wall as their alcohol soaked lips crash together while he whispers sweet nothings in her ear to earn that stupid little laugh like she hasn’t got exactly what she wanted. It made you feel sick. 

Wandering over to the kitchen to stare at the near empty fridge, reaching for another beige food item as you snack on the odd piece of junk food you’d collected throughout the week. Eating half a chocolate bar but throwing it away as it wasn’t helping the sick feeling and deciding on grabbing yourself a glass of water and heading to bed for a somewhat early night.

You huff as you pad across the room, hunched shoulders from feeling sorry for yourself but you were truly the one to blame. After a terrible date you should’ve gone to the bar to be with your friends, to be with him but no you came home to wallow in self pity, good one. 

A round of knocks from the front door echo throughout the apartment, checking the time to see 11.05pm flashing back at you from the TV monitor. You thought about asking who it was but deciding to not answer it as it would probably be some of your drunk neighbors asking if you had any lemonade as they’d run out or something stupid like that.

Normally, you’d atleast check who it was but you weren’t in the mood. What if it was Brad? He’d come to try his luck one more time? The thought made you feel even worse and if anything hurried you further away from the door.

“If you don’t answer your phone, you can atleast let me in”

The pit in your stomach grew as you heard the all too familiar voice, surely he hadn’t come all this way just to check up on you? That would be just you imagining something you wanted to happen and those things didn’t happen to you, not with him.

“Y/N. Open the door” you hear Jay’s voice boom, not out of anger but dare you say, concern? 

You take a quick glance in the mirror, cursing yourself for removing your make up and changing into some slobby comfy clothes. He knocks again but this time doesn’t stop, continuing to pound his fists into the door as he doesn’t take no for an answer.

You run your hands through your hair in some attempt to regain some form of decency before twisting the door handle and opening to see Jay stood in the hall, pizza box in one hand bottle and pack of beers in the other. His smile is infectious as he radiates happiness from the moment he see’s you, holding the items up with raised brows 

“Pizza’s getting cold and these are getting warm”

You roll your eyes before opening the door fully to let him into the apartment, feeling the instant relief of comfort from his aftershave as he closely passes “You didn’t unhook the latch, do you have it on normally?” you slowly shut the door, turning to him in confusion as he makes himself at home by grabbing the bottle opener and handing you an open bottle of beer. 

“Didn’t realise I’d just let my dad in?” you joke but he flashes a stern look before turning back to the pizza “Just saying”. 

You make your way back over to the sofa, letting him get organised before he finally joins you. He places the pizza box between the pair of you and for a split second you take that as a hint he doesn’t want to get too close to you, otherwise he’d sit beside you and place the box on the table in front but no, he was keeping his distance. 

Each grabbing a slice of pizza, you turn your attention back to the screen but feel his gaze still on you “You hate these things? I told you to watch Love Island and you nearly didn’t speak to me for a week” he throws his hand up in gest as you chuckle “It’s a game show, it’s different”. 

He leans to grab a beer and the room falls silent , each waiting for the other to speak but neither of you sure what to say. The inner battle in Jay’s head of whether to ask about your date sends the cogs in his brain turning, so fast it’s a surprise you don’t hear them. 

On one hand he wants to hear about how horrible it was, how you hated every second and wish you hadn’t gone but on the other what if you loved it? What if you’d gone home to wait for Brad to come over later? What if you’d already texted him to come and that’s why you weren’t asnwering your phone when he tried to call earlier? 

“Why are you here?” your timid voice breaks the silence, also just as nervous to speak as Jay. You fully expected to be told some story about how he was craving warm pizza and your apartment was closer than his to eat it whilst it was hot. Or how he needed a place to stay for a few hours before heading into work the next morning so you were just a convenience but neither of those things were his reponse.

“I was worried about you”

You almost choke on your sip of beer, placing it back on the table as you finish your pizza slice “You were worried about me?” you double check you heard correctly and you weren’t just having one of those outer body experiences where you’re hearing what you wish he would say. 

“Brad came to Molly’s” he smirks and your heart drops “Shit” you mumble, running your hand across your forhead as you chuckle “Did he say what a terrible date I am?” you look at Jay through your fingers as he shakes his head, trying to surpress a grin but failing “Just the opposite actually”.

You sit confused, waiting for Jay to ellaborate on his story as he throws a pizza crust back into the box and rubbing his hands on his jeans to dust off the crumbs “Was raving about you. In fact, think he’s quite fond of you”.

You throw your head back and groan “Don’t tell me that, if you’re gonna sit and say how great he is you can leave” you point to the door but Jay stays seated with the signature smile spreading on his face “I’m not going anywhere”.

***

It had been a few hours since Jay turned up at your door, he’d convinced you to turn to his favourite late night game show which you were now watching. After finishing the pizza, he took the box into the kitchen and took you by surprise as he sat down right beside you. You froze, instantly feeling like a shy school girl again after the boy you like accidentally touched your hand, but this wasn’t accidental. It was far from it.

He swung his arm round the back of the sofa and wrapped it around your shoulders to pull you into him, allowing yourself to lean your head on his shoulder as he placed his on top of yours. You stared at the screen feeling riged, scared to even breathe too heavy as you were so close he would feel anything and everything.

“It’s Mount Rushmore, idiot” he called out, removing his head from yours to point at the TV. “Is he for real? How thick can people be?” he argued with himself as you watched on, who knew someone yelling at a TV game show could give you such loving butterflies in your stomach?

‘Top 5 places a guy will take a girl on a date’

The next question flashes up on the screen and you pat Jay on the thigh, an innocent guesture that you didn’t think much of until after you’d done it. Feeling him flick his eyes down to your hand that was still resting on his leg before returning his attention back to the screen “This ones on you Halstead”. 

He sighs as the first answer is revealed, “Well the movies is boring” he scoffs “worst date ever, you just sit at a screen and don’t talk. What’s the point? Can do that at home” you chuckle at his groaning which earns a hum of confusion from Jay.

“You go next” he switches the question onto you but you shake your head “This is from a guys point of view, don’t bring this onto me” you return your head on his shoulder and slightly nestle into his neck.

Your skin feels like its burning as his hand drops from the back of the sofa to your waist and pulls you closer to him. You expect him to make a joke about it or a sarcastic comment but he doesn’t, it’s almost as if he doesn’t even realise he’s done it and that it was more of a natrual thing for him to do. 

The answers continue to be revealed, each getting more stereotypical each time and earning a dig from Jay after every failed attempt of the contestants guessing “Do these people just watch films and get the ideas from there?” he moans “No originality these days”.

“Okay Mr Originality, what’s your idea of a perfect date then?” you ask, still keeping your head nestled into him as you feel his chest vibrate in a soft laugh “You really wanna know?” he asks to which you nod “I wanna know what the bachelor Jay Halstead does to impress the ladies”. 

He takes a final sip of his beer before setting it down on the table, an inaudible sigh escaping your lips as you feel him slightly lift his grasp that had settled on your hips. You stay slouched into the sofa, hoping he will return to his position to which you feel your heat skip as leans back to join you.

“So” he begins, kicking his feet up on the table and once again slinging his arm around you. You allow your head to fall back into the crook of his neck with a content hum, hearing a light chuckle which tells you he heard your almost silent noise. 

“First of all, it wouldn’t be the movies or the theatre. That’s just stupid and especially if its a first date, you can’t even get to know the person, I don’t understand. Second of all I’d” you tap lightly against his chest to stop him in his rant.

“Are we gonna be continuing with this number scheme? Feels like i’m in school” you joke, feeling Jay sink his head onto yours and dig his fingertips into your skin to make you jolt “Fine, I’ll start again”. 

“I’d turn up at the door, maybe flowers or maybe some beers. Sometimes I’d book a table at their favourite restaurant but I wouldn’t just ask them which one. I would’ve found out sneakily through conversation or asking their friends or collegues so they’re surprised when we get there at how well I pay attention to these things.” 

You instantly regret asking, why did you have to ask him about his ‘Jay Halstead’ moves when the thought of him on a date with someone else makes you feel physically sick? You can’t stand your mind entertaining the thought of another girl giving him attention at a bar whilst he waits for drinks, let alone him describing in depth the extra miles he’d go to when he’s with a girl he likes. 

You continue listening to his story, getting lost in his words as he seems to let them fall from his lips so casually as he describes the date. 

“I’d maybe even pick them up from work, surprise them with a weekend away if we’ve been together a while to try and get some time together” he pauses before taking a deep breath and continuing on.

“Even something so simple as not being able to enjoy a night at Molly’s if she isn’t there so turning up at her apartment with a nearly cold pizza and 4 pack of beer to scream answers at TV presenter that can’t hear us until she falls asleep with her head on my shoulder.

I’d cover her with a blanket, not wanting to carry her to bed incase she got the wrong idea. I’d set up a little place for myself on the chair next to her, watching as she smiles in her sleep and wondering if she’s thinking of me and if she knows just how crazy she makes me”

His voice trails off, almost as if he was speaking without thinking and now second guessing everything he’s just said. He was clearly speaking about you.

The amount of time he’d wish he could book a table at your favourite Italian restaurant that he see’s you looking at the menu for all the time but can never justify the price.

Overhearing you and Kim talking about a cabin by the lake you saw on social media, craving the idea of him whisking you away after work for an impromptu weekend where he could have you all to himself and not have to share you with anyone. He wanted all those things, but he could only see them happening with you. 

“Sounds an awful lot like you’ve got someone in mind for these dates?” you tease “She’s a luckily girl if shes got Jay Halstead thinking of her like that” you remark, unsure of whether to acknowledge everyhing he has just spilled out or to let it pass by, put it down to him having a few drinks and clearly getting more tired as you feel him pull you into him more and the weight of him leaning on you growing stronger. 

“Yeah she is, too bad I have to watch her go on dates with other guys and hear him rave about it at a bar when all I can think about if how it should be me”.

Another silence falls between you, it had gone too far for it to be considered a ‘drunken comment’ at this point he was just describing you and you both knew it. 

“You should tell her how you feel” you lift your hand to innocently play with the buttons on his shirt, nothing sinster or sexual about it but you found comfort in the extra form of touch.

You yawn into his side, draping your arm across his chest as you bring your leg to rest onto his. You feel him drop a kiss to the top of your head as he places his other hand on your thigh to hook it round him, further closing the gap between the pair of you as you feel him harshly swallow “I think I just did”. 

***

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A NEW SURVIVOR HAS ENTERED THE FOG...

Danganronpa DeadbyDaylight!AU !! it finally happened! Me and @slashuz have been talking about this for ages and we finally made it happen!!!! I did the Survivors and they did their respective Killers (Chiaki to go with Junko, Izuru to go with Hajime, and Servant to go with Komaru) so go check out their post too!!

A little bit about their respective back stories under the cut, but it isn't too different from their canon stories.

I wanted to try and emphasise their personality traits a bit too, so Junko's perk is pretty selfish and would be REALLY ANNOYING to killers so is perfect for her. I can hear her laughing as she runs through the gate at the end. She'd definately tea bag right before exiting. That is if she doesnt just use a maxed out key to nope out right at the start leaving everyone else to suffer. Hajime would probably be more of a go getter, focused on getting the machines done fast as possible to get OUT fast as possible. Definately high stealth, probably crouching the whole game. Also you know, he finds the killer in the game so pointing out the killer too is fun! Komaru's more of a team player. I can see her blinding the killer, facing them head on, getting caught a lot of the time and doing cool hook saves last minute.

Hajime Hinata

Hajime Hinata

Hajime Hinata

If Hajime had been sure on his decision to accept the Surgery and join the Kamakura project, that sure-ness was surely gone now. Standing in the mirror, looking at himself standing in the bright over head light, dressed down to a simple surgical smock that left him little dignity, he told himself that this was Right. His shaking hands betrayed him. The doctor entered, and he clenched his fists to hide his fear. He walked down the corridor, feeling oddly like a prisoner on death row. "Dead Man Walking! We got a Dead Man Walking!" a voice taunted in his head. But Hajime knew that was ridiculous. The school wouldn't do this procedure unless they were sure it was safe, that it would be whats best for him... Right? Stepping into the Kamakura project and seeing the pod, wired up and glowing green, Hajime hesitated. He took a breath and continued on, it was too late to turn back now, the stern look in the scientist's eye when he stopped told him that much. Lying down in the pod, he felt claustrophobic, images of him in a suit, laying still at his own open casket funeral, looking on from above, flashed in his brain. The machine began to hiss, and the scientist's assertions that all would be okay didn't reach him. All he could think about was her. He had to do this for her. He had to be better for her. Her face in his head, he closed his eyes, hoping he'd open them again soon. Eyes closed tight, the dark fog filling the pod around him as the lid closed didn't scare him only because he couldn't see it. Until, he was choking on it. Until, his arms were trapped by it, wrapping and pulling and dragging him down and down and ripping him apart. The last thing he felt was a terrible tearing, like his brain, his mind, his soul all being torn horribly in half. He choked out her name, but it was strangled by the darkness. When he opened his eyes, the entity stared down at him. So was his punishment, for going against nature Herself. He'd spend the rest of eternity in the Entity's realm as he had done in life, running and fighting his mistakes , forever haunted by the choice he made that day.

Komaru Naegi

Komaru's hands slipped, slick with sweat around the controller in her hand. Monaca grinned up at her, basking in the despair wracking her face as she looked at the scene infront of her that she just refused to accept. Her parents, hanging dead, swinging from the ceiling of some cold, grimy room filled with corpses by their necks. It couldn't be. She couldn't accept it. The words of the girl she loved by her side didn't reach her. Kotoko may as well have been pleading with the wall, for the good it was doing to break Komaru out of her trance. Komaru couldn't believe it. She didn't want to believe it. She pictured her brother's face, wrecked with grief when she told him the news. The Ultimate Hope, their only hope, brought to his knees by the news. Komaru shook, Toko grabbed her arm but she pulled away. She didn't care anymore. Despair, Hope, none of it mattered anymore. What was the point in fighting? Monaca had won. Gripping the controller until her fingers went white, the only thing on her mind was making those bastard children pay for what they'd done, no matter the cost. Ignoring Kotoko's cries, she lifted the controller above her head and released a scream of anguish as she brought it down on her knee, snapping it completely in half. The controller broke, releasing a darkness so thick it consumed her. Outside, explosions rang out, distant and muffled. The last thought on her mind before the fog consumed her was her brother's smiling face. When she awoke in the Entity's Realm, she found out what real loneliness was. Her mistake consumed her, as she realised she never was alone, and she hadn't been since that moment on the roof. Envigorated, she vowed to never fall to such cowardice again. She defied the knowledge that she would never escape this realm, she simply had to. She'd fight for forever for the sliver of a chance to see Makoto and Toko's faces again. They will be her Hope. With their smiles in her mind, she fights and she fights hard, pushing on and ensuring every game that everyone makes it out alive. Together, they'll never be alone. Together, they can beat anything.

[wandaromanova]

Can you do a fluffy wanda one (with a little angst because of course) where reader and wanda are best friends, reader wants more, but thinks wanda is interested in vision so she doesnt say anything. And then one day a mission goes wrong, and reader gets into an accident that results in her getting powers, and it makes wanda wake up and confess her feelings?

Requited Love

Pairing: Wanda Maximoff x Fem!Reader

Warnings: cussing, injury, that’s all!

A/N: hello! i hope you enjoy what i’ve created out of your request, anon! sorry i couldn’t think about how i could incorporate the powers part of the request! not proofread, so i apologize for any grammatical errors! join my taglist here <3

Summary: Wanda Maximoff and Y/N L/N are your typical best friends who refuse to admit their feelings for each other.

Word Count: 3.3K (had a lil too much fun with this)

(gif is not mine)

You and your best friend, Wanda, had been friends practically since the moment she had joined the team. Being the youngest Avenger, you were so excited that there would finally be another member that was close to your age. Despite the events of Sokovia, you didn’t fear the woman. If anything, it only made the urge to get closer to her stronger.

Her powers absolutely mesmerized you. From the color of her powers to the different ways she could use them to her advantage; it was mind blowing how much power she had literally at her fingertips. As time went on, you and Wanda became very close. You’d always have movie nights together in your room, which eventually led to the Sokovian woman peacefully sleeping next to you in your bed.

Not only was Wanda drop dead gorgeous, but she was genuine and humble. She had confided in you about the many different traumas she had been through and expressed how the surreal amount of grief constantly consumed her. It broke your heart to know that such an amazing person was put through so much.

Her past could’ve easily turned her into a villain, but she decided to go the opposite direction. She came to the conclusion that her powers could help others and that’s what she had chosen to do in Sokovia and up to now. It was why she had agreed to join the Avengers in the first place. Wanda knew how awful the world could be and she wanted to be there for people the way that her family had been before they passed. The amount of respect you had for Wanda was immeasurable.

Over the span of two years, you and Wanda became joined to the hip. Wanda didn’t even sleep in her own bed anymore. Before, she would just accidentally fall asleep in your room or sneak into your room in the late hours of the night to sleep with you. But now, she just barged into your room every night and slept there. She said that you kept the nightmares she had at bay and you were more than happy to be there for her if it meant she got a full night’s rest.

You both jumped at any opportunity you guys could to be on the same mission as the other. You not only wanted to spend time with her, but you wanted to protect her. Lord knows that Wanda of all people could handle herself, but it kept you at peace when you were with her; knowing that she had you to back her up. Naturally, you fell in love with your best friend.

At first, you thought you were just confusing your special platonic friendship with Wanda for romantic feelings. But sometimes you caught yourself wanting to kiss Wanda. You knew damn well that friends don’t daydream about making out with each other. So, yeah, you definitely had feelings for Wanda, but there was one thing standing in your way; Vision.

Vision basically joined the team at the same time Wanda did. He was created during the Ultron situation and has been an Avenger since then. Wanda and Vision were very close. They weren’t as close as you and Wanda were, but he was a close second. They had a bond over the mind stone that you couldn’t ever compete with. This fact discouraged you and forced you to keep your mouth shut. You’d rather keep your feelings to yourself and suffer in private than risk your friendship with Wanda.

I mean, you didn’t even know if Wanda was into girls! She could be as straight as a wooden ruler and you would most definitely embarrass yourself if you told her. Vision wasn’t exactly a man by any means, he was a robot. If Wanda were to like Vision that must mean you had a chance right? Not to be an ass, but he’s literally a hunk of metal. Regardless of all these thoughts, you knew at the end of the day that you would have to hide your feelings for the sake of maintaining the relationship you currently have with the Sokovian.

You did pretty good at hiding your feelings for awhile. You acted as if everything was normal and not like you were emotionally crying out inside every time you saw Wanda with Vision. It began to get too much when you had caught sight of the pair cooking Paprikash in the communal kitchen. Cooking was something you and Wanda used to do together. It was kind of your thing. It may seem silly, but watching her do something with Vision that used to be sacred to you both hurt.

You began to distance yourself the closer Wanda and Vision got together. What sucked even more was that Wanda didn’t even acknowledge your sudden distance. She no longer slept in your room, opting to spend her nights with Vision. You were dying inside and Wanda didn’t even care to notice.

You had a mission to get to today. Usually, Wanda would be down in the hangar whenever you were going on a mission without her, but she wasn’t there today. She was probably off somewhere with Vision, again. It stung that Wanda didn’t even want to see you off. She was so preoccupied with Vision that she didn’t even give you a second thought. A toaster was stealing your best friend who you just so happened to be madly in love with away from you. And you couldn’t do anything to stop it.

So, you reluctantly got onto the Quinjet with Steve who was accompanying you on the mission. Fury only sent you two in for this mission because it was a simple one. It didn’t require the entire team to complete. You both were to capture and detain the scientist responsible for the latest human experimentations at the hands of Hydra. From the intel gathered by S.H.I.E.L.D, their security wasn’t that bad so it would be a walk in the park for you and Steve. You had just left and you already desperately wanted to go home and wallow in your own self pity in the comfort of your bed.

But first, you had to get this mission over with. The Quinjet landed a little far away from the small Hydra base. You and Steve made your way out of the jet and began to trudge your way toward the building. As you guys got closer, Steve stopped abruptly.

“No matter what, we stick together okay? Just because this should be an easy mission, doesn’t mean we should let our guard down. Understand?” He lectured you sternly as he stared at you intensely.

“Yeah. I got it, Cap.” You replied to him dismissively as you continued to make your way toward the building. You took note of the five guards that were guarding the entrance and gave Steve a nod before you both sprung into action.

After you guys had taken down the entrance guards, you both sneakily made your way into the building. It was pretty easy to find your target, seeing that the building was the size of a house. You and Steve barged into the room, the scientist whipping around quickly and freezing in shock at the sight of you both.

Steve quickly charged at the man and placed him into handcuffs. As Steve pulled the man up by the collar, forcing him to his feet, a thought crossed your mind. This is too easy. Only five guards and the professor was just conveniently in here? This had to be a setup.

Before you could voice your concerns to Steve, you felt a sharp pain rip through your shoulder as Hydra agents flooded into the room. You fell to your knees in pain as Steve threw the target to the ground. He quickly began to fight as many agents as he could. You stood up as you tried to temporarily forget the pain. You began to take on agents yourself. Despite being injured, you kicked their asses with ease.

You were down to the last agent while Steve was pulling the scientist back up to his feet, much more aggressively this time. For some reason, your thoughts went to Wanda. How would she react to your injury? Would she even bother to visit you to make sure you were okay?

Unfortunately, you had chosen the wrong time to become distracted by your thoughts of Wanda. While your thoughts were racing, you failed to notice the glint of a knife in the agent’s left hand. As you blocked one of his punches, he quickly stabbed you right in the stomach. At this, Steve jumped in to help you and made quick work of knocking out the man who stabbed you.

You fully fell to the floor this time, gasping for air. Not only were you shot, but now you got stabbed. Seriously? Did god decide you weren’t already having a shitty enough time? Steve quickly picked you up in his arms in a panic. He carried you to the Quinjet while making sure the scientist was following behind you both. Steve placed your body onto the medical table that was in the Quinjet, handcuffed the man to a railing, and sped off to the compound. He took note of how much blood you lost; it was a lot to say the least. If he didn’t get to the compound soon, he feared you wouldn’t make it; and that wasn’t an option.

The 30 minute trip to the compound turned into a 15 minute ride. Steve quickly rushed you into the medical wing of the compound and placed you into the care of Doctor Helen Cho. He knew he had to tell the team about what happened. The Avengers were a family, and you being the youngest meant you were like a child to them, well besides Wanda obviously.

Steve hurriedly made his way into the living room of the Avenger’s living quarters and made sure Jarvis informed everyone that it was an emergency. As Steve entered, everyone turned to face him with worry present on each of their faces.

“What’s wrong, Rogers? Is everything okay?” Natasha asked as she looked over his body. There was an insane amount of blood all over his star-spangled suit. “It’s Y/N.”

At Steve’s words, everyone in the room stood in shock as their jaws dropped. But no one’s feelings could compare to Wanda’s. She abruptly stood up from the couch and made her way towards Steve.

“What about her? What happened to her?” Wanda began to get angry as hints of her powers made their way to her eyes. Steve took a step back and looked at Wanda before returning his gaze back to the other people in the room. You could hear a pin drop in the silence of the room.

“We went on a mission together. It was supposed to be an easy in and out thing. But we were setup. She got shot in the shoulder and stabbed in the abdomen. She’s in the medical wing right now.” Steve spoke strongly, attempting to remain calm for the sake of the team, but he was terrified inside. Your state refused to leave his mind. Your limp body in his arms as your warm blood covered his hands.

Wanda didn’t say another word as she ran towards the elevator and impatiently hit the button to the medical wing. She didn’t bother to wait for anyone else. Nothing mattered right now except you.

Wanda had feelings for you. Ever since she met you, you were this light in the darkness that was her life. You could cheer her up when no one else could. You knew her better than she knew herself. You were not only her best friend, but you were the woman she was irrevocably in love with. She was terrified to tell you how she felt. She thought she would lose you if she had confessed how she truly felt for you. So, she remained quiet and tried to forget about her feelings for you by hanging out with Vision more. She wasn’t using Vision by any means, she genuinely did enjoy his company. But he wasn’t you.

Wanda didn’t even wait for the elevator doors to fully open as she squeezed herself through the small gap and made her way towards the medical bay doors. Before Wanda could open the door, Steve abruptly grabbed her hand, stopping her from going any further. He must’ve taken the stairs. Damn his super soldier abilities.

“Wanda. Stop. I know you’re worried about Y/N, we all are. But barging in there won’t be any help. You need to let Cho and her nurses focus on helping her.” Steve desperately tried to talk some sense into Wanda; it worked. Wanda’s shoulders slumped as she made her way towards the seating area that was right outside the doors. All she could do was sit, wait, and pray to whatever god there was that you would be okay.

Wanda didn’t even know you were going on a mission today. If she did, she would’ve went to the hangar and hugged you before she left, like she always did. Oh fuck, she didn’t even get to see you off and now look at your state. Now that she thought about it, she had been neglecting you for some time now. She let her fear of her feelings consume her. She spent more time with Vision than with you, and now she wasn’t sure if she would get the opportunity to be with you again. The thought of not being able to tell you how in love with you she was mortified her. This was the wake up call she needed.

——————————————————————————

2 hours later

After two agonizingly slow hours, Doctor Cho made her way towards the anxious group of heroes. Wanda shot up from her seat and approached Helen.

“How is she? Please, tell me she’s okay.” Wanda asks as she nervously chews on her bottom lip. “Y/N is fine. Luckily, the knife didn’t hit any major arteries. She won’t be able to make any sudden movements for the next few weeks which means no missions until I give her clearance.” At Cho’s words, the entire team was struck with relief. Wanda’s eyes lit up at the good news. You were okay. You were still here.

“Can we see her?” Steve asked from behind Wanda as he made his way to stand beside her. “Yes, shes awkward, but only one person can go in at a time. She’s very sensitive right now from the anesthesia.” Helen gave the team a smile before walking off.

Everyone looked at Wanda as she gave them a nod. Of course she had to go in first. You and Wanda may have been oblivious to each other’s feelings, but the team wasn’t. It was almost annoying how unaware you two were of how the other person felt.

Wanda quietly made her way into your room and almost let out a sigh of relief as she saw you laying on the table awake. You were trying to reach for a glass of water beside your bed, but the pain in your side made the small task a burden. Wanda quickly made her way to the table and handed you the glass of water. You were startled since you didn’t even hear her enter the room. You took the water from her hands and took a long sip before handing it back to her.

“What’re you doing here?” You asked coldly as you glared at the Sokovian woman. She was shocked at your animosity. You were never like this with her before. “I needed to make sure you were okay. I was worried sick.” Wanda frowned as she pulled a chair up to your bedside and sat in it.

“Oh. Now you suddenly remember I exist? It only took me nearly dying for you to notice me again.” You knew you weren’t being fair. You guys were just best friends and she was entitled to hang out and be with whoever she wanted. But the part of you that loved her and longed for more took over.

“Y/N. I’m sorry I haven’t been around as often. I got caught up hanging out with Vision when I should’ve been there for you.” Wanda’s eyes softened as she stared at your face. She missed you so much. She may have seen you around the compound, but she hasn’t been this close to you in what felt like decades.

“Yeah. You got caught up with Vision. Why don’t you just go back to him now. I’m fine.” You stubbornly spoke as you tore your eyes away from Wanda and stared out the window in front of your bed.

Wanda made a ballsy move and grabbed your hand in here. Thankfully, you didn’t move it away. “Y/N. I don’t care about Vision, I care about you. I love you and I mean that in more than a friendly way.” At Wanda’s words, your head snapped back to her as you looked over her features for any indication of a lie; you didn’t find any.

“I was spending time with Vision to try and forget my feelings for you. That obviously backfired and only solidified what I already knew I felt. I’m sorry it took such a terrible situation for me to finally grow the balls to tell you this. I love you Y/N.” Wanda squeezed your hand tightly as she stared at you full of love and adoration.

You were speechless. As cliche as it sounds, this was what you’ve wanted since the moment you laid eyes on her. She said the three words you’ve been longing to hear spill from her mouth. She loved you too.

“I love you too, Wanda. I’m sorry. I thought you had a thing for Vision and I let jealousy and insecurity get the better of me.” You looked down in shame as you tried to pull your hand out of Wanda’s hold, but she only gripped it tighter.

“Don’t be sorry. I completely understand. I’m so glad your okay and I’m so unbelievably happy that you feel the same way.” Wanda smiled brightly at you as you smiled right back. You guys must’ve looked like maniacs with your big, cheesy smiles, but you didn’t care.

Wanda began to slowly lean towards you. You attempted to meet her in the middle, but only ended up wincing in pain as you were reminded of your impressive stab wound. Wanda let out a laugh.

“Let me handle it, moya lyubov (my love).” Wanda said before closing the gap between you both and giving you a heated, desperate kiss. All the pent up emotions that you both had been withholding from each other were coming to light through this kiss. You guys were interrupted by the door swinging open abruptly and the sound of someone clearing their throat.

You both jumped apart as you cringed at the sting of your injuries. You turned to the door and caught sight of the team standing at the door with shit eating grins on their face.

“Sorry to interrupt you, lovebirds. But we wanted to check on Y/N too. Cho gave us the clear to come in now.” Natasha smirked at yours and Wanda’s flustered states.

“Pay up, Barnes.” Sam said as he held his hand out to Bucky, who groaned before placing 50 dollars in his hand. You and Wanda stared at the two confused, Bucky took notice of this and decided to fill you both in.

“We made a bet on when you two would get together. I said in the next two months, he said in the next two weeks. He won.” Bucky gave you both a shy, almost embarrassed smile.

Everyone in the room laughed, making you and Wanda turn even more red than before. You didn’t care about the inevitable, endless teasing you would have to endure after today. You would deal with the comments forever as long as it meant Wanda was by your side. You once thought that she didn’t feel the same, and you were so glad you were proven wrong. Sometimes, love can be requited after all.