#hope mamma mia goes well

[guitarstringed-scars]

how to lose a guy in 10 days- t. oikawa

masterlist

day two

the air is crisp as the four of you walk to the nearby diner. you file into the booth, ordering your drinks from the smiling waitress. you all begin to discuss your writing while you wait for your food, koushi is going this afternoon to interview alumni about how campus has changed and tetsuro has a ton of sports articles to read through from the first years. the waitress drops off your orders, and the conversation starts back up. yui is writing an article on art pieces about love, and that eventually transitions to your writing.

“so, how was last night?” koushi asks, taking his final bite of food.

“it went well, i think he-” you are cut off by the door chiming as a group enters, and to your wild disappointment, it’s a few members of the volleyball team, most notably toru. you drop your head to the table as your friends all turn to look who made you have the reaction. you sit back up and sigh. unfortunately, he quickly notices you.

“y/n!” you hear toru call out. you watch him approach your table, his friends trailing a bit behind. “i was just about to text you, would you want to go to a movie tonight?” he asks.

“yeah, lets do it.” you say, giving him your sweetest smile.

“i don’t think we’ve met, im toru.” he says, shaking hands with koushi and yui. “well, we’ve met before. good to see you tetsuro.” he says, giving him a wave.

“yeah, good to see you too.” tetsuro mutters out between mouthfuls.

“ah! this is sawamura daichi and koutaro bokuto.” toru introduces his friends, and they wave at you all. you give them a smile, and wave back. “i’ll see you later then.” he says, ruffling your hair as he goes to sit with his friends.

“i want him.” yui says, slamming her hands on the table. you turn to her with a look of disgust. ”toru????” you ask.

“sawamura daichi. did you see him? he was so cute!” she says as you all stand up to leave.

“yui do you ever think that maybe a break from guys would be a good idea?” koushi asks desperately.

“no!” she says cheerfully, “y/n, you got to get me set up.”

“that’ll be the only good thing that comes out of this bet.” koushi sighs.

“yeah y/n, i feel like someones gonna get hurt from this, and i’d rather it’s oikawa than you, but still…” tetsuro trails off.

“it’ll be fine, i probably wont see him after this anyway.” you brush off their concerns, unlocking the apartment door.

“we’ll see about that.” yui sings.

you roll your eyes, opening your phone to a message from the man himself.

toru sighs. he was really hoping to go see the godfather, especially when mamma mia is showing all week, but you just had to go see it tonight. its okay, he’s willing to make this sacrifice to win this bet. sure, toru thinks you are a good person, but sometimes you can be annoying. that whole basketball game ordeal sure proved it, and now this. it’s okay, he only has to deal with it for 8 more days, that’s all. he’s snapped out of his thoughts as koutaro shovels some of torus pancakes onto his own plate.

“hey! what do you think you’re doing assface?” he shouts, smacking koutaros fork out of his hand.

“aw, you were too lost in thought to notice the first pancake i took so i thought it would be okay.” he whines.

“was not!”

“were too!”

“alright, just give him the pancakes back.” sawamura cuts in.

“he’s too distracted thinking about this bet.” koutaro says, chowing down.

“i still think its a bad idea.” sawamura pipes up, “theres just no way anything good comes out of this.”

“i’ll get you a date with her friend, hows that sound for something good?” toru says, finishing his drink.

sawamura doesn’t respond, he just simply rolls his eyes as he pays the check.

you are pulling on your shoes when tetsuro comes out.

“ready to go?” he asks.

“yeah, lets head out. i have sooooo much writing to do for this story.” you say, swinging open the door.

the walk goes quickly, and when you step in the paper room, its already pretty lively. you and tetsuro are the last of the team to arrive.

“Y/N!” yui cheers, she’s huddled in the corner next to asahi, the fashion editor. “i have great news.”

“what is it?” you ask, putting your bag down.

“i found the guy from the diner on instagram and requested to follow him!” she smiles.

“is that it?”

she frowns, “come on, that’s great progress!”

“i guess, but did he even follow you back?” koushi chimes in.

“well, no not yet!” she answers. ”optimism is key yui.” you say, before turning to your computer to type up a log of the day so far.

day two

✓met him at a diner (accidentally)

✓made plans for a movie

the big plans will probably happen at the movie tonight. you specifically requested mamma mia for 2 reasons

it’s not what he wanted to watch

it should be emptyish, but not too empty just perfect for talking too loud for a movie theater.

boom! it’ll be perfect. just 2 more hours of writing here, and you’ll be executing your plan.

those two hours were filled with coffee supplied by the years old coffee maker in the back corner, gossip about love lives, and answering your readers questions. you send a message to toru.

that means you’ll leave here at 7:15. being late is a great way to lose a guy as well, especially if you set the time. that means you’ll get there around 7:30 exactly, right on time for the movie, but late to meeting toru.

so thats exactly what you do. by the time you show up, toru is sitting on a bench in front of the theater. as you look at him with his head down, you feel sort of…bad? you shouldn’t let your actual feelings get in the way of this story, but he is a person, even if tetsuro has told you he isn’t a super great one. he looks up briefly, and his face lights up as he catches a glimpse of you. yeah you definitely feel bad.

“hi! you look lovely tonight!” he says, crossing over to you.

“thanks snookums!” you almost visibly gag as you say it. you can tell toru is caught off guard.

“oh- we should head in, the movies starting. i already bought you a ticket.” he says, grabbing your hand as he leads you to the theater.

you sit down as the music starts, and immediately begin talking loudly. you were right, the theater isn't completely full, but there are definitely some people there.

“this is my favorite movie ever.” you say. a lie.

“yeah me too.” toru responds in a whisper, also a lie.

someone behind you two shushes you.

“what are you thinking about?” you ask him, as he pays attention to the movie, still talking full volume.

“nothing, im just watching the movie.” he whispers.

another shush from the back.

“oh so i suppose your mind is a complete blank? who is she?” you ask.

he turns to you, still whispering, “who’s who?”

“the girl you’re thinking about!” you start to shout a bit now.

“be quiet!” someone says.

“i’m not thinking about a girl-” toru starts.

“you can’t watch mamma mia for an hour and not be thinking about a girl!” you say, turning away from him.

“do you really want to know what i’m thinking about?” he whispers in your ear.

“yes.” you say.

“i’m thinking about how beautiful you look right now, so let’s watch this movie.” he says, smiling at you.

a beat passes as he turns back to the screen.

“awwwwwwww, toruuuuu. you are so sweet!!!” you are practically shouting at this point.

“um, i'm going to have to ask you two to leave.” says the shy movie theater attendee.

“whyyyyyyyy??” you whine.

“uh, it’s too loud, i’m sorry.” ”hmph!” then toru is apologizing to everyone, and you two are out on the street in front of the theater.

“lets get home.” he says.

“i’m upset, that’s my favorite movie!” you pout.

“i’m sorry, we could watch it back at my place if you wanted?” he offers. perfectly setting up another chance.

“yes please snookums!” you cheer, before pouncing on his back. “carry me there!”

as you and toru enter his small apartment, you can’t help but start to realize just how tired you are. it doesn’t set in until you are sprawled out on his couch as he turns on the movie. it’s truly realized as you start to doze off on torus shoulder during dancing queen. you wake up the next morning in your own bed.

taglist: in replies

[wangxianficfinder]

Fic Finder

Apr 2nd

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1. hi there, can yall help me find a modern au fic where wwx was kicked out of the jiang household and he started to spend his nights within his school premesis? i remember lqr, lxc and nmj being the ones to find him one night. thank you for yalls hard work 💐

FOUND? Where is home? by SpicyRamen_10969 (M, 80k, WIP, WangXian, Modern AU, High School, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, Coming Out, Not Jiang Family Friendly, Supportive LQR, Good Sibling LXC, Fluff, Angst with a Happy Ending, JC Being an Asshole, Possible Smut?)

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2. Do you know fiction where wei ying travelled back to past but lan zhan feeling also travel back.

FOUND? 💖 Come Back to Me by s6115 (M, 9k, wangxian, time travel, fix-it, soulmates)

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3. Nsfw ask but this fic was one where wwx and lwj helps jc and lxc (jc was the one asking) how to have fun/ painless sex. They try multiple times but end up getting cockblocked or something of that sort @thatperson0-0

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4. Hi! I'm looking for a fic where during the Lotus Pier seige there is an array or something set up that protects it and results in a baby for WWX and LWJ that is about the same age as A-Yuan - they already know (can't remember how). As a result of that array, the baby, A-Yuan, and people involved can shift into animals. Thank you! @hpikachu2003

FOUND! 💖 Magical Marriage Ribbons Series by starandrea (Varies, 1m, WangXian, Canon Divergence, Accidental Marriage, Fluff, Happy Ending, Telepathic bond, Kink Negotiation, Family Drama, Magical Pregnancy, Dual Cultivation, Shapeshifters, Modern with Magic, Immortality, Yilling Wei Sect) has LWJ continuously struggling to vocalize nearly ANY of his sexual wants even well after wangxian get together

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5. looking for a fic that I thought I'd saved and hope i didn't dream it up... in this fic, I think wwx and lwj aren't tgt, but slept tgt? wwx finds out he is expecting, and instead of letting lwj know, he goes to the wens for refuge (I believe granny wen is mentioned in the description!) I don't know much else, other than it might be a modern au fic. thank you!

FOUND? Nothing but your heart by airinshaw (E, 21k, WangXian, Modern AU, A/B/O Dynamics, Implied Mpreg, First Time, Getting Together, Angst and Drama, Angst with a Happy Ending, Anal Sex, Whump, Breeding Kink)

FOUND? The Winner Takes It All by YilingSani (M, 46k, WangXian, Modern AU, Single Parent WWX, Old Friends, One Night Stands, No Smut, Angst with a Happy Ending, PTSD, Panic Attacks, Forgiveness, Second Chances, Inspired by Mamma Mia! (Movies) Teen Pregnancy, Mpreg, mention of miscarriage, Birth Trauma, amniotic fluid embolism) although Granny Wen isn't in the list of characters but she features in the story?

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6. Hi i am searching for a particular fic but it seems to have disappeared on me so the storyline was that LWJ and WWX were married but WWX wasn't happy in the marriage and LWJ comes to know this by hearing it from some where that WWX said so when he had gone to a flower house/brothel and then LWJ calls upon WQ to confirm if what he heard was true which she does and so he makes a decision to go leave planning to head to Yilling or CR and when he was travelling he encounters XXC and SL but doesn't reveal his identity of being WWX's husband just says that he is a disciple of the Lan and the 3 of them work on this night hunt where out of 3 wishes one would be fulfilled, is a curse related to i think some sisters also JWY was the emperor and WWX's post was either a general crown prince or a marquis and after WWX comes to know about LWJ leaving asks LWJ's maids who go with LWJ whenever he visits CR if they know where has he gone— with him also going to CR in search for LWJ (unsure) and JWY in a scene tells WWX some thing along the lines of that it wasn't probably also LWJ's choice, was being pressured into the marriage or so. most likely was muti-chaptered don't remember much of it and was on ao3. Thank you. @1p1rose1

FOUND! 💖 Eat, Pray, Night Hunt by Itszero (G, 29k, wangxian, Arranged Marriage, Reconciliation, Getting Together, YLLZ WWX, Misunderstandings, Royalty, Historical Inaccuracy, Happy Ending, Fluff, Imperial AU, palace au, Dual POV, Fluff and Angst, Historical Fantasy, Xianxia but also court drama ya know?)

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7. Hi! I'm looking for a CQL!verse fic in which people can choose to tie a red string between them when they get married (sort of a soulmate au, but not really). When wei wuxian falls off the cliff to his death, lwj ties a string between them. when wwx comes back, the string is how lwj recognizes him. when the canon plot is over, lwj thinks he has to cut the string between them. i think this fic might have been deleted, though, but any help you can give would be welcome. thanks

FOUND! 💖 a trail of blood to find your way back home by blackelement7 (T, 19k, wangxian, JC & WWX, what if a soulmate string au, but without the soulmates aspect of it, a reflection on the nature of marriage, WWX is full of regrets, so is LWJ, Mutual Pining, Miscommunication, JC & WWX Reconciliation, JC is trying his best but words are hard and his brother is stupid, Siblings, Canonical Character Death, but it's just WWX, accidental 3zun feels, WWX as the most unreliable of narrators)

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8. hi! thx so much for your work in the fandom. i'm looking for a fic where wwx is a sect leader and towards the end of the fic (I think) he's at a cultivation conference where someone tries to set fire to his rooms and he and lwj go into a qiankun box. i think at the very end wwx summons a phoenix born from the flames of his burned rooms. thx so much!

FOUND? A Phoenix Rising - An Untamed Story by AitchNKay (E, 130k, WangXian, The Untamed (TV) Ending, Angst, Porn With Plot, Anal Sex, jerking off, Top/Bottom Versatile | Switch WangXian, junior ducklings, Oral Sex, Post canon, Not everyone is gay, Family is everything, so many feelings, Introduction of New Characters, porn with feeling, Friendship, Healing, Suibian/Bichen/Chenqing/WangJi, 3 weddings and a funeral)

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9. hello, thanks for your work!

i was trying to search for this fic where wwx from post-canon travels back in time and is in around the yllz time, he keeps doting on lwj and yllz (past wwx) gets a bit jealous but doesn't know what to name it. he refuses to believe that he married lwj in the future and the future wwx gets mad at him and tells him not to hurt lwj. can't seem to find it anywhere.

FOUND? From the Future for the Past by friedchickenlord (G, 27k, wangxian, time travel, fluff, humor, love confessions, pining, happy ending, denial)

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10. Hi buddy, I have one request. If you have came across a wangxian fic where Wei Wuxian is reincarnated and came to Gusu with Lan Wanji ( I think LWJ is the chief cultivator here) and realised that LWJ was getting marriage proposals from around the (cultivation) World a lot. And he propose to conduct a competition to find the most suitable candidate from the available lot while being secretly heartbroken that he could not have LWJ. I'm not sure if it's ABO or not. A-yuan also has an important role in this fic. Plz help..... @grrumpywoof

FOUND? a morbid longing by sunandseas (E, 24k, WIP, WangXian, Mutual Pining Misunderstandings, Porn with Feelings, Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Omega LWJ, Alpha WWX, Bottom LWJ, Possessive WWX, BAMF WWX, Protective WWX, Hurt LWJ, Dark WWX)

is that the one where the suitors have to steal a token from lwj, and lwj gives it to wwx, but wwx thinks it was just the gusu jade access pass and was really sad about someone winning the token?? 🤔 (based on the comic about the witch's cat?)

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11. Hii, I'm looking for a fic. It was about wwx wished that he does not exist in the life of people he love, because of what happens with jiang yanli, jin ling, jiang cheng and everyone he loves. So he live, but not with his parents, jc,lwj and so on. And there's one time his parents come to an inn and met wwx, they dont know who wwx is because they never have a kid. But wwx and his father, has a similar face, so when he look at wwx, he feel like wwx is his kid that he never have.. I hope that u know this fic is, because I have been trying to remember where and what fic it is but I cant. Thankyou for your hard work.

Pretty sure #11 is a twitter thread by cerbykerby but I don't have a twitter account any more and thus searching is hard

FOUND? For 11, this is the cerbykerby fic unrolled

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12. heyy admins! i'm looking for a fic where wei ying's parents turns out to be alive. from what i remember they somehow escaped the burial mounds after many years and they learned about wei ying from people then they made their way to the cloud recesses and they stayed there a bit. thanks in advance! <3

FOUND? The Long Winding Road Home by Admiranda (T, 13k, CSSR/WCZ, wangxian, flash forwards, Time Travel, Post canon, WWX's parents come to post canon mdzs, not for JC fans, fluffy family reunions, mocking LQR to his face, mocking JC to his face, wild rumors abound)

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13. Hello, I was wondering if you could help me find a fic. It was a pacific rim and atla fusion au where I think wwx was transferred to the station lwj was at. Then they were attacked and wangxian were either forced or called to go into a Jaeger together to attack the kaiju. @xo-minx

FOUND? The Weight of the World by KouriArashi (T, 67k, WangXian, XiYao, Pacific Rim Fusion, Robots, Monsters, robots fighting monsters, Family, Romance, Developing Relationship, Angst, (but not about the romances), Hurt/Comfort, Politics, Happy Ending)

FOUND? Thunder's Coming Over Me by phnelt (E, 38k, WIP, WangXian, Avatar & Benders Setting, Pacific Rim Fusion, temporary character death (wwx's), Angst with a Happy Ending, Action & Romance)

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14. Hello ! First of all, THANK YOU for your hard work on this blog and WangxianFicRecs, I really enjoy my time on both ! :) This is a first for me so I hope I'm asking properly (otherwise, please, excuse me^^'). I'm looking for a fic I think was on a list in FicRecs last month but I can't seem to find it back... I just skimmed through it at the time and thought that it was great and that I would come back to it later... except I forgot to bookmark it and had not luck searching my AO3 history so far :'(. It was a Wangxian AO3 fic and the only thing I remember clearly is a sentence where Wei Ying thinks about the way Lan Zhan smells and says that he decides LZ's scent smells like love.

Aaaaand I'm sorry because I know this isn't much, but if by any chance someone happened to know which fic it is and I could stop racking my brain, I would be super grateful for that ! :)

I wish you all a wonderful day/night !

I was #14 in the April 2nd FicFinder. I finally went through all of February posts and found again the fic I was looking for! It was in fact in your Crossdressing comp and it wasn't about LZ smelling like love but LZ's kiss tasting like love 😅.

Anyway, here's the fic : only the dead (have seen the end of war) by comforting_monachopsis.

Sorry to have bothered you and thanks again ! ❤️

FOUND? only the dead (have seen the end of war) by comforting_monachopsis (T, 42k, wangxian, JYL/JZX, temporary amnesia, BAMF WWX, sad LWJ, grief/mourning, loneliness, mild gore, secret identity, loss of identity, identity porn, angst, humor, crossdressing)

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15. Hi!! For next ficfinder, can you help me find this two fic?

A) a fic where Qin su is the one that resurrected Wei Wuxian and she give him a detail instruction. I remember a scene where Wei Wuxian try to seduce Jin Guangyao so that he can get out from Koi tower. If I'm not mistaken, Qin su and Lan Xichen is best friend and Xichen really sad and disappointed at himself for not realising his best friend is long dead. There are also part where wwx try to sunburn Qin su face so it become unrecognisable.

B) a fic where Lan Qiren is mistakenly drink wine in his teapot and he is doting to Wei Wuxian and told about marriage arrangement that has been sign by Cangse Sanren and Lan Wangji when they are a little kid.

Thank you and Have a nice day😘 @chibiizzy

15A)

FOUND! The Tales of Despereaux (CH 1-23) by stiltonbasket (T, 50k, wangxian, LXC/NMJ, JC & WWX, JYL/JZX, JC/WQ, Canon DivergenceAdditional Warnings In Author's Note, major ships are listed but others might pop up!)

15B)

FOUND! 🔒 Who gave Lan-xiansheng alcohol?! by HeloSoph (Not Rated, 14k, wangxian, LQR & WWX, CSSR & LQR, CSSR/WCZ, Cloud Recesses Study Arc, Canon Divergence, POV LQR, Drunk LQR, WWX is Loved, Jiāng Family Bashing, YZY Bashing, WangXian Get a Happy Ending, Engaged WangXian, Gūsū Lán Forehead Ribbon, Cloud Recesses Shenanigans, Character Death, Self-Indulgent, Wedding Planning, Fluff and Humor, Married WangXian, Good Uncle LQR, CSSR & LQR Friendship)

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16. Hi I really need help but there’s this wangxian fic where basically lan zhan keeps complimenting Wei wuxian and wwx tells him he has to give him notice before doing it so lan zhan gives him a time frame or writes him a letter etc. and i cannot for the life of me find it please help me find it 😭😭😭 @vilethot

FOUND! Content Warning: Romance by Ariaste (M, 5k, WangXian, BDSM, Praise Kink, nonsexual kink, which turns into sexual kink, wwx's canonical fetishes, Kink Negotiation, basically my ongoing mission to demonstrate to fandom that Kink Can Be Unbearably Soft Actually)

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17. Hi! How are y'all doing? for the next fic finder, I'm looking for a modern au, no magic, where fem!wwx goes to live with lwj after she turns 18 and her main goal is to get together with lwj so she's very shameless to the point that lwj has to tell her that he'll have to set rules if she continues like that, and asks if she's aware that he's a man

anyone knows it? I'm scared that it was deleted. Thanks! I hope y'all have a wonderful day!

FOUND! tell me what's your motive by sweetlolixo (E, 7k, wangxian, F/M, Modern, Genderbending, Female WWX, Male LWJ, Penis In Vagina Sex, Dirty Talk, Oral Sex, Breeding Kink, Masturbation, Size Difference, Stomach Bulge, JYL and LWJ best friends agenda, Older LWJ)

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18. Fic Finder: I'm looking for a fic where LWJ is cursed to his young child self. In Yiling, WWX sees a Lan boy with the forehead ribbon surrounded by people, and then he recognizes child LWJ. Child LWJ refuses to leave the nearby inn because he's waiting for his uncle and brother, who do not come. WWX waits with him and says he was a student of LQR, but LWJ doesn't believe him because his uncle did not teach when LWJ was young. Eventually WWX convinces LWJ to go to the burial mounds with him, and he writes a letter to LXC but he isn't sure if LWJ will recognize his brother as an adult.

Thanks in advance!

FOUND? I think this fic is the deleted "Staying close to you" by Venon. I couldn't find it on the wayback machine but I have a copy.

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19. Hi! I forgot to bookmark this time travel fic and the only thing i can remember is he came back during lan qiren’s class and he cried and suddenly fainted?? thank you!! @gideonmorningstar

FOUND? Wish Me Luck by Starlight1395 (Not Rated, 164k, WangXian, Fix It, Time Travel, Angst, PTSD, Hurt/Comfort, Flashbacks, Nightmares, Slight fluff, Implied Sexual Content, Lots of tears, cannon levels of blood/violence, Minor Character Death, secondary character death, Sibling Bonding, semi mild smut, mild Self-harm)

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20. hello!! i’m looking for a thread fic on twitter. lwj is feral alpha who’s been checked into a rehabilitation centre. i don’t remember exactly but there was yiling in the name. wwx is his assigned omega social worker who is the only one who can calm him down and the only one lwj listens to. i can’t remember all the details but I remember wwx giving lwj a rabbit and donkey soft toy. wwx would also play chess with him occasionally. lwj’s episode was triggered by his uncle’s discussion of getting him a mate. eventually lwj gets loose, wwx gets pregnant and gets in trouble for it even though there was some foul play. wen ning is also an alpha at the centre and wen qing visits him occasionally. thank you so much 💖 i never got to finish it and i really want to know how it ended!!

FOUND! come closer (i might not bite) by celerydragon (E, 4k, wangxian, WIP, A/B/O, Medical AU, Feral Behavior, Drama, Pregnancy, Unplanned Pregnancy, Mpreg) is being posted to ao3 now / this the original twitter thread for the rest of the story. unfortunately the thread is broken in a few parts so i’m glad the writer is starting to move it to ao3

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[kanna1garden]

ೃ࿔ OLDER GUYS

‧₊˚ genre — romantic fluff

‧₊˚ tags — kissing, hand holding, hugging, age gap, pet names (dear) gift receiving 

‧₊˚notes — Zhongli is a man who got a small break from his job for once and go on coffee run and happens to run into you a beautiful college student, hopefully you can win the heart of this random man.

‧₊˚word count — 2379

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The timer goes off from your phone to show when your class was meant to end. You finally got a head start to leave as you chose to sit in the back today. Today was the day you would finally go to that new shop that opened up. You hoped it was a store that finally sold some type of boba. It has been so long since you had boba ever since you started college. You ran so fast out of class. Sure you might have gotten some stares but its whatever fuck them.

Opening the doors to the outside. You felt the air hit your face. It felt nice for a second until you realized it was moving your hair around. On the way there you fighting with your hair to keep it in one place. Luckily you didn’t run into anything or even get hit by a car. But here you are next to the store you have been waiting to go to for a while.

You walk in. It’s so nice and well kept inside. You see the menu on the wall and see they sell boba and coffee. They even sell lychee flavored boba. “Miss is there anything you seem interested in or do you need help picking from our menu?” Says the lady behind the counter. “Oh no its alright I think im ready to make my order sorry for taking a bit.” You say quickly as you didn’t realize you were taking a while to order.

You tell your order to the nice woman. “Miss your order total comes out to be 220 mora, would that be mora or card?” Says the nice lady. You were shocked with the price. Maybe this is why they didn’t have prices on the menu but this better be the best thing I have. “I'm going to pay with a card.” Unsure if you even had that type of mora on your card. You just heard the door open to the store. You look up to see a good looking man with long brown golden hair walking through. “I'm sorry but your card isn’t going through, is there any chance you have a different type of payment?” The sweet lady asks, breaking your thought process again. You were about to say something with shame but the good looking man says “Don’t worry miss, is it alright with you if I pay your order?” You say with SHAME as you couldn’t pay your own things but at least a stranger is willing to pay. “If it’s alright, I'm so sorry for bringing you to this.” The man only smiles at you after handing the cashier his (childe) card.

After paying for your order, he bought something called osmanthus tea. “Sir, I'm so sorry for making you pay so much.” You say trying to be as sorry as you can be. “It’s alright dear, I offered to pay.” He says being nice to you. “Is there anything I can do pay you back maybe?” You say trying to be nice to him even if you might never see him again. “Well maybe we can talk here for a bit as you seem like a lovely woman to talk to if you have the time.” In the back of your mind you knew you were hoping just for a no as you're a broke bitch who couldn’t pay this off, But you were happy to just talk to a fine looking man who was a gentleman. “My name is Zhongli by the way.”

After some talking and maybe some light laughter at a random table in the store by the window. An hour or so has passed. Maybe this guy isn’t expecting anything from me for paying my things. “Shit” he says shocked when he saw the time. “I'm very sorry dear you are a really lovely woman but it seems I overstayed my welcome.” You try saying something by unconsciously holding his hand to ask something but he moved his hand from yours and he quickly wrote his number for you. “This my number call me or text me when you feel like hanging out again or just talking but i have to go im very sorry.” He says quickly grabbing his things and quickly walking out. All you could do is wait a bit and save the number in your phone…

── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──

It has been 3 days since meeting Zhongli. Strangely even after all that talking it seems you missed him so maybe it’s finally time to text him. You turn on your phone and look for his number in your contacts.

‧₊˚✧[MESSAGES]✧˚₊

You

Heyy its (___)

THAT DUDE���

Hello I wasn’t expecting to get a message from you.

You

Haha sorry for taking a while to send anything. I got too shocked to send anything.

THAT DUDE🌸

That’s alright. By chance you might want to meet again?

You

Of course!! It was so great talking to you last time :3

THAT DUDE🌸

That’s great to know.

See you soon.

‧₊˚✧[MESSAGES ENDED]✧˚₊

You are now staring at your roof lying on your bed. Just smiling to yourself, unsure why you just recently met Zhongli, just some guy. Maybe you’re just going insane. Your alarm goes off basically saying you are late to class now as you still have to get ready. Maybe this man might cause you hell or maybe bring some type of peace.

── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──

It was a bit awkward getting ready to see Zhongli as you haven’t seen him in a while after that meeting in that store. You’re getting yourself dressed to meet him at the location he has sent you. In the back of your mind you were unsure if you have heard this place before but it sounds so familiar. Xinyue Kiosk was the place. All that you can remember it was a famous restaurant but you could never guess how famous it was until you got there.

You finished getting ready and just realized what time it was. You just realized Zhongli messaged you a bit ago telling you that he was outside your place to pick you up. You quickly put on your shoes. You try to quickly get to the front area to where he was.

In front of you was a 1966 Porsche 911 coupe that seems to be well kept by Zhongli. Sure you never asked how old he is but you thought you could guess how old he was but what if he was older by the type of car he had. It was obvious he had mora from day one. When he realized you were near he opened the other door for you to get. “Good evening dear, how are you today?” He asks you when you are closer to him. “I have been alright and you?” You reply back to him just to keep the small talk. He gets in the car and starts driving while you two have small talk about what ever is happening in the world.

You and Zhongli have finally made it to Xinyue Kiosk Restaurant just to see a line of people waiting to see if they can even get a table. You started to get nervous if Zhongli was going to wait in this line and he could tell. “We aren’t going to be waiting. I have a reservation for right now so we should be going already .” He says smiling at you hoping maybe it would relax you a bit. “Thats good to know that line these like they have been waiting for days!” You know you wont even last an hour standing in a line like this. But at least now no wait. Zhongli parks the car and opens the door for you. “Thank you Zhongli!”

“It’s not a problem this what every man should do for a beautiful woman like yourself”

All you could do is laugh. It wasn’t to mock him but because you didn’t know how to reply but sweetly laughed at the comment. He joined you but it only lasted for a bit. Both of you started finally walking to the restaurant. “Hello, how may I help you?” Asks a girl with short blonde hair and golden eyes whose name tag says ‘Lumine’ and they were at the hostess stand “I have a reservation under the name of Childe.” Zhongli tells Lumine. You are just standing there, thinking who this other name is and if you should even ask. “Okayy, both of you may follow me now” says Lumine sweetly. :3

When you are walking to your table you decide to slip your hand onto Zhongli’s hand on the way there. When he looks back at you, you just smile at him. When she shows what table the two of you will be waiting at and puts menus down and leaves. “So Zhongli may I ask who's that person's name you used is?” You asked him as it was lingering in your mind still. He replies with “We are just work partners and had a reservation he won’t be able to make.” You guessed it was a good enough answer so this place seems to be packed so it might be hard to even get a reservation. Before you could say something, Lumine comes by again and asks if both of you are ready to order something off the menu. “I will get golden shrimp balls.” You order and Zhongli orders “I would like a slow-cooked Bamboo shoot soup if that's possible.”

“I will get that out as soon as i can” Says Lumine trying to be nice. She walks to the back where you guess where the kitchen is. When you see Lumine start cooking what you both ordered. Does that girl do everything around here and where are the other workers? Well you guess that’s unimportant as you are getting your food no matter what. You and Zhongli talk until both of your food comes.

You try to hold Zhongli’s hand while trying to talk to him when you both finish eating and pay. But this time with the speed he is walking. No holding hands this time. But he opened every door again for you but he drove you home with some talking in the car

You are home again. You feel a bit sad as the day is over now. “You know I hope we get to see each other again.” You say to Zhongli that maybe both of you can see each other one day. “Hopefully we both find time for each other to have something like this again” he says waiting for you to go inside your place, and leaves when you are finally inside…

── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──

It has been a few months and you guys had grown a routine of hanging out with each other with some now and then hand holding. Maybe it's time to tell him how you feel. He might have the same thought as you. Tomorrow you plan on confessing when both of you plan to meet up again. Maybe it's to get some rest for you as you have been just thinking to yourself for a little too long. You were in your sleep for a long time. It was almost time for you to see him. So it's best to use the time to get ready.

You are finally ready to see Zhongli. You can feel your nerves build up as it has been so long you have even been able to think about if you even like someone. You really hope he would feel the same way. You are finally at the place where you both are meant to be meeting at. And there you see him with his long brown hair flowing with the wind in that low ponytail he always wears everyday. “Hey Zhongli!” You say trying to call out to him. “Hello there dear '' he says smiling to you when he realizes you are nearby. “Dear may i ask you something?” He says slightly nervous. “Yea sure what is it?”

‧₊˚✧[ENDING 1]✧˚

You ask back now getting worried about what he might say. “We should hang out more than we do now. Your presence is comforting.” You were unsure what to say you knew this man was old but now you were unsure how old. “Zhongli would there be any chance you would be interested in a romantic partner?” You ask, getting a bit more worried about what his answer would be. “Yes i would be interested in a partner one day maybe.” You guess maybe it's time to shoot your shot cause this might be the only time you will have the guts to say.``Zhongli will there be a chance you date me?” Both of you are now sitting there in awkward silence and he finally replies. “Yes i would.” You felt such a relief after hearing that. You move closer to him and hug him. Zhongli was unsure what to do but hugged you back after a few seconds. He lifts up your face and kisses you. And pulls out a pair of earrings made out of diamonds…

Maybe yall last for a long time and maybe you will live in his memory for a while now. Hopefully you live long enough to stay in his memories before you die leaving him #foreveralone ❤️

‧₊˚✧[ENDING 2]✧˚

You asked back now, getting worried about what he might say. “I think we should stop seeing each other. It’s just for the best.” He says to you. All you could feel is your heart sink but maybe it is for the best. “I know it might not be my place to ask why but i want to know why?” You ask, hoping maybe it’s for a good reason. “I can tell you may be catching feelings and I would never be able to share these feelings with you.” All you wanted to do is cry but you just said your goodbye and ran away..

Heart break will always happen with an old man like him. #foreveralone ❤️

── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──

@seraphmeraph

[fryingpan1234567]

movies I think every demigod loves

Focusing on CHB for now but we’ll get to the Romans eventually

These nerds all know the whole entire soundtrack for every single one with the choreo and everything

Massive viewing parties in the winter in random cabins that definitely can’t hold everybody and the amphitheater in the summer with a projector

Hecate campers have enchanted a fuck ton of those old plastic popcorn containers with the same magic as the dishes in the pavilion— every kind of popcorn, the perfect amount of butter, kettle corn, for some reason a blue one that apparently tastes like cotton candy (or so Percy says; no one else has dared to try it)

Sharing endless amounts of blankets and pillows

Everyone usually passes out towards the end of the night, resulting in the hugest bed nest known to man full of shreepy demigods

Literally every streaming service ever plus premium Hephaestus channels

Anyways onto the movies

We’re starting with Mamma Mia

Because let’s be honest— a big pretty Greek island with a ton of hot people and fabulous music?? Yeah they’re into it

Who doesn’t love Abba?

That fun little “WEEE’RE SOPHIE ALI LISA WE’RE THE GREATEST BESTEST MATES, I’M TALL— I’M TOUGH— I’M TINY— AND WE’RE GONNA ROCK THIS PLACE!!” is such a vibe

Everyone gets into groups of three just to sing it with each other, including

Percy as Tall, Annabeth as Tough, and Grover as Tiny

Jason as Tall, Piper as Tough, and Leo as Tiny

Connor and Will even convinced Nico to be the Tiny to their Tough and Tall once

Anyways everybody screaming the lyrics and dancing around, swinging each other in chaotic circles until they collapse laughing

By FAR the loudest they ever get is Dancing Queen— Chiron says it’s something to rival their battle cry and Dionysus pretends to be annoyed by it, but he’s always caught humming it to himself the next morning

”Well what do you suggest we do with three men?” “Well now that takes me back.” WHEN I TELL YOU EVERYBODY SCREAMS

Couples singing Honey Honey and Lay All Your Love On Me suuuper dramatically at each other

They’ve turned it into a challenge: how long can you two go, mercilessly flirting and teasing, before either of you break and end up making out? (The answer is not very long)

Splitting into two groups (mainly girls v boys but really it doesn’t matter) to scream Voulez-Vous at each other

It’s a competition

After the end of the movie, everyone goes and jumps into the lake in their clothes— this massive, shouting, laughing mass of magical teenagers booking it across camp just to go flying off the docks into the water

Moving on to another movie

You c a n n o t tell me they wouldn’t love Disney’s Hercules

I mean they hate it, obviously, but like. A Disney movie about them. What!!

Especially the littles

The littles looove this fucking movie you don’t even understand

They sit eagerly waiting to see the garbage caricatures of their parents onscreen, collapsing on each other in giggles when they do

The older kids still get a kick out of it, but Connor sulks in Malcolm’s lap anytime his dad is on, hiding his face in his chest and refusing to look

(“Mal, he looks so dumb.”

”Sweetheart—“

”SO STUPID.”

”You’re so dramatic—“

”LOOK AT HIM.”)

They make Chiron sing One Last Hope every damn time

Funny thing is, the projector they have now is not the first one. There was one before, which mysteriously went up in purple flames the first time Mr. D watched with them… coincidentally at the exact moment Disney Dionysus popped up on screen in all his drunken fuscia glory

Poor Nico di Angelo wants to say no to watching it every time, but his favorite of Will’s little siblings, Lilac, begs him to because it’s her favorite Disney movie

So there he is next to Will, Lilac watching eagerly from his lap, Nico bonking his head on Will’s shoulder every time the TERRIBLE interpretation of his dad is on

Will laughs at him

Nico pouts and says he’s mean and threatens to shadow travel Lilac to the nearest candy store and get her whatever she wants just to hand her back to him for the night with a raging sugar rush

When the 7 dress up as the Avengers for Halloween one year, it’s added to the rotation.

Percy was Black Widow

Leo was Spider-Man

Jason was Captain America

Piper was Iron Man

Annabeth was Thor

Hazel was Black Panther

Frank was the Hulk

Nobody was prepared for the level of hotness that they brought to the table, but the Marvel fanatics were definitely prepared to start watching the movies

Eventually it devolves into a big war over who the best character is

The smash or pass is getting out of hand guys

lmk if you think of any more I’d love to write them

[gadriezmannsgirl]

Sing To You -Pedri González

This was one of the requests my dear @mqsi passed me to it says: "I have an idea maybe the barca team goes to a karaoke bar and you and gavi/pedri will sing together or he would like serenade a song to you!🫶🏼" I changed it up a bit, hope you don't mind at all🙈 Also, I did not put the other part because I choosed Pedri for this one

Summary: After a long but fun Karaoke Night with your friends, you share an especial moment with your boyfriend, Pedri.

You were having the greatest time ever in a little while, drinking, eating and chatting with your friends was always a good remedy to anything. You laughed once more watching Frenkie, Robert and Ousmane sing No Roots; Sira, Ana and you had already sang your lungs out to Dancing Queen, the three of you having watched Mamma Mia an uncountable amount of times that you could recite the dances and you did; Ansu, Pedri y Ferran had sang Bizcochito as well. Gavi wasn’t in the mood for making a fool of himself with a song but you were trying

“¡Venga! Aquí todos estamos haciendo el rídiculo” You said shaking your head “Pepi did the best rídiculo ever a few moments ago for forgetting ‘his part’” You said smiling as Gavi shook his head

“What’s up with me?”

“You did amazing and I loved it, I expect a private show later!” You winked at him as he laughed leaning down to kiss you “Gavi doesn’t want to sing”

“Oh come on, Pablito” Pedro said pushing his shoulder “Don’t be afraid, it’s just us”

“I’m gonna be the laughter of the week” Gavi mumbled

“You won’t” Balde said “Torres and I have still to sing”

“You can’t be that bad” You said “In fact, you can’t even be worse than Ansu”

“I wasn’t bad” The named one replied

“Sure” Alejandro and you spoke at unison and laughing

 “I’VE GOT NO!” Frenkie and Ousmane ended the song

“NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO” Robert kept on with the last note of the song

“Not even Christina Aguilera, mi amor!” Ana said making her husband double in laugh and making the rest of you do too

“Who’s next?”

“¡LOS TWIN NAMES Y ALEJANDRO!” You yelled

“Are you out of your mind?” Pablo whispered to you

“Not out of my mind but with a very few drinks on, yes” You said pushing him out of his stool lightly as he stood up following the other two. You gave him a thumbs up and a smile relying on Pedri’s side, he instantly wrapped his arm around your waist pulling you closer to him

“¿Estás bien?” He asked you as you nod laying your head on his shoulder, suddenly his body warm, the scent of his aftershave, his cologne and his natural scent made you dizzy in the greatest ways ever, you wanted to close your eyes and fall asleep into him feeling the safest and most loved person ever by his side, he looked down at you and your sleepy eyes met his gorgeously big and brown ones. You hum “¿Segura?” He asked as you nod once more

“Estoy bien” You said smiling “Besides, we have to hear Gavi singin-” You cut yourself off with a yawn

“You’re sleepy” He smiled “I can see and feel you” You hummed giggling

“Am not”

“You are”

“No, I am not”

“Yes, you are” He said flicking your nose lightly as you laughed pushing his hand away

You suddenly burped softly, he opened his eyes a bit and raised his eyebrows up as you looked at him surprised and laughed

“I’m sorry!” You laughed covering your mouth

“You’re tipsy”

“I’m Y/N not tipsy” You said quickly “Who would call their kid like that?” You asked shrugging your shoulders “Definitely not my parents, not yours and not us”

Pedri smiled at the thought of kids with you. Of course after two years and half of relationship you’ve talked about your future, marriage and obviously kids.

“Wanna go home?”

“I wanna you” You said making him smile widely

“Yes, we’re definitely heading home” Pedri said standing up and excusing himself

“What are you doing, bonito?” You asked eating a french fry

You changed moods quicker than he ate his mom’s croquetas.

“We’re heading home, bonita” He replied grabbing your jacket and purse

“Why?”

“Because it’s late, bonita” He smiled at you “and you’re a bit sleepy”

“I told you I am not sleepy” You reclaimed standing up after waving everyone goodbye and send them kisses

“Are you gonna tell me you’re not?” Pedri asked once as you got next to him, you smiled grabbing your purse from his hands and intertwining your hand in his

“Hey! Where are you going?” Gavi asked with the mic up on his lips “We gonna do These Boots Are Made For Walking”” Your eyebrows shot up

“We are going home” You said “But don’t mind you’ll do great! Make sure to record it, amigos, I wanna see it!” You smiled “Don’t forget, if you don’t tie your boots, one day these days you’re gonna walk all over the floor because of them” You sang lightly and commented, making everyone in the table laugh as Gavi rolled his eyes trying to hide a smile

Pedri and you walked over to his newly bought Maserati, he opened the door of the passenger seat but before he let you in, he kissed your lips trapping you in between his arms and his car; you smiled into the kiss, breaking it

“Tú ‘tas muy guapo” You whispered after separating from him

“¿Ah sí?” You nod “Gracias” He smiled

“Y es que me refiero a que estás más guapo de lo normal” You said smiling making him blush lightly

“Gracias bonita” He pecked your lips, helping you get in as he leaned into the car door “I don’t know if I told you this in the past hour but you get prettier every second passing of the day” You blushed  

“Come inside and bring us home, Romeo” He smiled and closed the door, jogging up to the drivers side, turning the car on

The ride home was quiet with you fighting the sleep but still with your head on his bicep, Pedri’s hand on your thigh and your hand on top of his as he drove, the sound of the radio being the only thing you could hear. He turned in your shared house and kissed your head turning off the car

“We’re home” You untied yourself from him pretending as if you weren’t about to snore, rubbing your left eye and yawned again when you felt the door being opened

“I’m sleepy” You said to him as he raised his eyebrows

“I thought you weren’t?”

“But I am now” You pouted with your eyes closed and soon you felt his lips on top of yours “Hey!” You exclaimed lightly while laughing “Want another one” You puckered your lips and soon felt his lips on you again “Another?” He kissed you once again

You opened your lips to speak once more but were cut off by him “Will give you another and many more inside”

“Let’s go” You smiled walking towards the door

Pedri helped you get out of your clothes; took off your makeup and got you into an old shirt of his, you were one step from falling deeply asleep and almost fell whilst walking up the stairs which made Pedri cling onto you.

“¡Amor!” You called out for him

“Here, preciosa” He said getting into the covers and wrapping you in his arms

“You did so well tonight, Pepi” You said “If you ever mess up in football which is impossible because you’re El Mago” You both laughed “…singing can do good for you” You smiled “you’d only sing Quevedo and Rosalía though” He laughed

“You don’t stay behind, you were amazing with that Mamma Mia impression” You laughed

“Sing something for me?”

“Like serenade you?” You nod humming “A ver… Which song do you want to be serenaded with?”

“Up to you, Pepi” You smiled “A song that reminds you of me, of us, anything” You shrugged with a smile on

“You won’t laugh?” You shake your head

“I could never”

“Okay…” He nodded “This song is practically the song I listened to after knowing I had fallen for you and everytime I’m away I listen to it because it remembers me of you and I just love it so much” You nod in understanding

“That’s cute. I also do that” He smiled

“I know you’ve serenaded me with Ocean before” You blushed

“I’d like to think I did a pretty good job with it”

“You did, bonita. I loved it” He whispered as he got closer to your face, one of your hands went to cup his cheek caressing it lightly

Your limbs intertwined, your head laying on his bicep as the rest of his arm hugged you by the shoulders, his other one around your waist, both of your legs messed into the others.

Tan solo tú

Solamente quiero que seas tú

Mi locura, mi tranquilidad y mi delirio

Mi compás y mi camino

“Solo tú” He slowly started to stop singing and more whisper-talking “Solamente quiero que seas tú. Pongo en tus manos mi destino, porque vivo. Para estar, siempre, siempre… Contigo, amor” You smiled leaning into him to kiss his lips

“Te quiero” You whispered, eyes ready to cry a bit as he smiled

“Y yo a ti. Muchísimo”

“That was the most beautiful and best serenade I’ve ever been given”

“Didn’t do much” You shook your head smiling

“You did more than anyone else would do” You finally let out the tears you were holding in “And all I want is to hear you sing that beautiful song once more” His eyebrows shut up lightly

“You will do mi amor” He saw you fight a yawn and smiled kissing your lips “but for now, we need some resting. I love you so much, hermosa”

°°° °°° °°° °°°

Taglist: @gaviypedrisbride @stuckinaf4nfiction @elijahslover @azzpenswrld

[jerzwriter]

Mamma Mia

Book: Open Heart

Pairing: Ethan Ramsey x F!MC (Kaycee) Also featuring Kaycee's parents, David & Rose and a special celebrity guest appearance (not ABBA lol)

Rating: Teen+

Warnings: Suggested sexual activity, nothing explicit. Brief mention of alcohol.

Words: 2123 (plus texts)

Summary: Kaycee's parents are moving out of their home, and while she's there helping pack up, she makes an unsettling discovery.

A/N: My face claim for Kaycee's mother, Rose, is Dianne Lane. I decided to dig into her history to have a little fun with this fic. I hope you enjoy it! I'm participating in @choicesmonthlychallenge' s Prompts: Old Photographs. Also: Good Food and Love.

The door to Kaycee's parent's home was barely opened when she jumped into Ethan's arms, wrapping her legs tightly around his waist and nearly knocking the wind out of him in the process.

"Offh!" He exclaimed, holding her close in his arms. "If that's the greeting I get when we've been separated for a few days, I may need to start spending more time away from home."

"Don’t you dare!” She scolded as she stepped back onto the ground.

“Aww,” her father, David, teased as he and Rose entered the foyer, arm in arm. “Rose, honey, remember when you used to greet me like that?”

“I still would,” she chuckled. “But I’d probably end up hurting us both.”

“I think you’d manage just fine,” Ethan assured as he greeted Rose. 

“Her? Yes,” David said, extending his hand. “But me?”

“I know a great back surgeon in Boston,” Ethan grinned. 

David pat Ethan on the back. “It’s great to see you again. Thanks for coming to help us.”

“Of course! It’s the least I can do.”

“Well, come to the kitchen,” Rose insisted. “Most things are packed away, but I still have some refreshments for you after that long trip!

“She wouldn’t be a respectable Italian mother if she didn’t,” Kaycee smiled. “I, of course, took after my father’s side of the family in that regard.”

“That’s OK,” Ethan replied, kissing Kaycee atop her head. “That’s why you have me!”

The family sat around the kitchen table, enjoying Rose’s food and conversation, when David brought the gathering to a halt. “Oh, crap. I just remembered that I have to return the tools I rented to the hardware store by seven or get charged an extra day.”

Rose peeked at her watch. “You still have three hours; there’s plenty of time.”

“Yes, but then I wouldn’t have time to take my future son-in-law to the Berwyn Tavern for a few drinks.”  

“Daddy,” Kaycee grinned. “You don’t have to come up with excuses. If you want some guy time with my fiance, all you have to do is ask.”

“After the way, I saw you greet him? I was afraid you’d assault me if I suggested it!”

“Stop!” Kaycee laughed.  “You guys go and have fun.  Just bring him back to me in one piece, Dad!”

“You better believe it!” Dave insisted. “I need his help with the move tomorrow!”

Ethan leaned over to kiss Kaycee goodbye, whispering in her ear when he did. “This would be the perfect time to speak to your mother.”

“Gee,” she rolled her eyes. “You’re not the best diagnostician in the world for nothing.”

“OK, wiseass,” he replied with a smirk. “Text me and let me know how it goes.”

~~~~~

Kaycee and Rose went to the kitchen and began packing the few remaining items that were not boxed. As the hours passed, they discussed when they first moved to the house, Kaycee’s teenage years, and all the memories they had made there over time. The topics kept flowing, but Kaycee couldn’t work up the nerve to ask about the one she couldn’t get from her mind. But the clock eventually reminded her that her father and Ethan would be home soon. With a deep breath, she began to speak.

“Mom?” She spoke tentatively.

“Yes, dear,” Rose said, tossing a colander into a box. “What is it?”

“I… I hope you won’t be mad… because I assume you wanted to keep this private… but when I was packing up your….”

“Oh, my God!” Rose gasped. “Kaycee! Tell me you didn’t pack up the drawer next to your father’s side of the bed! Did you?”

“What? Wait… no! Iwww! Mom!”

“Mom, what? We’re both consenting adults, you know. There’s nothing wrong with it!”

“Great. So would you like me to give you all the details of my sex life with Ethan, then?”  

“Only if you have good pointers,” Rose winked, and the two women began to laugh. “But I interrupted you. What were you about to ask, dear?”

“When I was going through old boxes in the garage… I found….” Kaycee hesitated. 

Growing impatient, Rose widened her eyes and circled her wrist, encouraging her daughter to speak up. “You found?”

“I found pictures of you and… someone who wasn’t Dad.”

Her mother’s brow furrowed, knowing nothing untoward was to be found. Then a knowing look appeared.

“Ooooh.  Were these… older… pictures?”

“Yes! Ancient!”

“Hey, slow down there,” Rose scolded. “ There are no ancient pictures with me in them! Do you understand?”

“Of course not,” Kaycee blushed. “But there are pictures with you and… Jon Bon Jovi?”

Rose folded a dish towel and put it in the box, sealing it before she sat down and motioned for Kaycee to join her.

“Yes. There are pictures of Jon and me.”

“Oh. Jon? Jon! Wait, you’re on a first-name basis with Jon Bon Jovi?”

“Considering we dated for five months, yeah. He kind of insisted that I call him by his first name.”

Kaycee’s jaw fell open in astonishment. She attempted to speak, but all that came out were desperate little breaths with mere syllables clinging to them.

“You… you… you… date… you dated… you.”

“Relax,” Rose said, touching her daughter’s knee.  “Do you need me to get you a drink? I think I have some Amaretto that we haven’t packed yet….”

“No, I don’t need a drink, Mom.  What I need is… you dated Jon Bon Jovi? Like, one of the biggest rock stars of your time?”

“Don’t act so startled, young lady! Your Mom had it going on, you know!”

“I know,” Kaycee laughed, “You’ve still got it going on, but… but… how?”

“I was an Italian girl from Philly,” she shrugged. “My family summered at the Jersey Shore, and Jon’s from Jersey, Italian, too.”

“OK, there’s over a million Italians in New Jersey, Ma… you’re not explaining anything.”

“If you’d allow me to finish. Your Uncle Angelo and Aunt Irene were still dating; her family was distant cousins of the Bongiovis. They were supposed to attend a family wedding one weekend, but he got sick.  Since I was at the shore house, Irene asked me to tag along with her.  Jon was there, we met, and as they say, the rest is history.”

“Jesus, Ma! You bagged Jon Bon Jovi!”

Rose nudged her daughter with her elbow. “Impressive, right!”

“Holy shit! Why didn’t you ever tell me?”

“Have you told me about all the superstars you’ve slept with?”

“Yeah, well, Ethan is as celebrity as I got,” Kaycee laughed.  “I haven’t slept with Chris Evans and withheld from you! Wait, how old were you?”

“I was twenty-one, just shy of twenty-two.”

“But wait! Didn’t you start dating Dad when you were twenty-one.”

“I did,” Rose nodded.  “We dated for three months, and then we broke up.”

“You! And Dad! You broke up?!?”

“For a bit, yes.  And that’s when I met Jon. It was one of the reasons Irene asked me to go to the wedding with her. She thought it would cheer me up.”

“And apparently it did….”

“Yeah,” Rose smiled. “It certainly did.”

“OK, Ma, can you not be so enthusiastic? Back to the story, so what happened next?”

“There’s not much to tell.  Jon and I dated for five months, and I even went on tour with him,” she said with pride.

“You? You did?”

“I did!”

“You’re telling me that Nonno, my grandfather, allowed you to go on tour with Bon Jovi?!”

“Allowed is a bit of a strong word.  I may have told him I was spending time at the shore with Irene’s family… and then he found a picture of me in a concert in Vegas.  He wasn’t too pleased.”            

“I’ll bet!”

“It was for the best,” Rose shrugged. “At least he didn’t find out a week later. We would have been in Sydney.  Then he really would have flipped.”

“Oh, my God! Ma, you were… you were….”

“I was badass, dear!”

“Yeah, I guess… I guess you were, but why did you break up? How did you end up with Dad again?”

“Once I was back in Philly, and Jon was on the road, it was hard to maintain a relationship.  He had a few shows in the area, so we spent time together again.  But, just before that, I ran into your father down by Love Park.  After seeing your Dad, I realized there was still something there.  So, I talked to Jon, and it turned out he and his high-school sweetheart had just started talking again and… we knew it was time to end things.”

“His high school sweetheart? Didn’t they…”

“Got married.  Yep.  Dorothea, lovely girl.”

“You met her too?”

“She’s a third cousin.  Honey, we’re Italian.  We’re always connected somehow.”

“Oh, my God.  This is just so much to take in.  Does Dad know?”

“Does Dad know what?” Kaycee was startled as she heard her father’s voice bellow from down the hall.

Rose stood up and met her husband, resting her hand on his shoulder. “David, Kaycee found the pictures of Jon and me.”

“Oh, those,” David rolled his eyes.

“I still can’t believe it,” Kaycee breathed.  “Dad, did it bother you that Mom was dating a freaking rock star?”

“At the time? Sure, but you seem to be forgetting something.”

“What’s that?”

“Your Mom left Jon Bon Jovi… for me,” David blew a puff of air on his nails, then rubbed them proudly against his sweater.

“That is impressive. I mean, I love you, Dad, but we’re talking Jon Bon Jovi… at his peak!”

Ethan moved next to Kaycee, draped his arm around her shoulder, and smiled. “Fortunately for me, he’s no longer at his peak, or maybe I’d have something to worry about.”

“I don’t know,” she replied.  “I know he’s like sixty now, but the man is still hot!”

“Settle down, Kaycee,” Ethan grumbled.

“Oh, relax you!” she smiled. “You should be happy I’m into older men.”

“Hey! I’m not that old!”

“Wow, my mom dated Jon Bon Jovi. Suddenly I feel like a failure.”

“Kaycee, I’m standing right here….” Ethan reminded.

She looked at him with a wide grin, wrapped her arms around his neck, and kissed his cheek.

“And that is exactly where you belong,” she beamed.

“You know, enough talking.  We should go eat.  All our things are packed, so, David, why don’t we take the kids to Savona’s.”

“An excellent choice, Rose. And, as we’ve learned tonight, you always make the best choices.”

Kaycee couldn’t help but laugh.  “I tend to agree, Dad.  And not just because I wouldn’t be here if she hadn’t dumped the rock star.  But I think you��re the biggest star of all.”

David looked over at Ethan as Kaycee hugged him.  “See, this is why we stopped at one child. There’s no way I could have brainwashed two this well.”

“That’s enough,” Rose laughed.  “Let’s go eat!”

“Now there’s my Mom!” Kaycee giggled. “Are we happy?  Let’s eat.  Sad! Let’s eat.  Awkward family history about Rock stars? EAT!”

“What did you say earlier, sweetheart,” Rose smiled. “I wouldn’t be a respectable Italian mother if I didn’t.  Now, let's go before Savona’s closes!”

As they made their way to the car, Ethan tugged at Kaycee’s hand, holding her back for just a moment. 

“Yes?” she asked.

“You’re not disappointed, are you?”

“About my Mom?”

“No.  About you.  You sure you didn’t need having a fling with a rock star off your bucket list?”

“Oh, but I did,” Kaycee stated, leaving Ethan’s eye bulging.

“You.. you did?” He sputtered.  “You don’t have to share, but uh… you certainly never mentioned that.”

“Well,” she purred, snuggling closer to him.  “I thought you knew? After all, you were my rockstar!”

A bright grin spread across Ethan’s face before he pulled her in for a kiss.  “You know, maybe I’m not as opposed to that roleplay idea you had as I organically thought.”

“Really!” she gushed.  “Can you play the guitar naked for me?”

“Maybe when we’re back in Boston.”

“Kids!” Rose hollered from outside. “Let’s go! If we miss Savona’s, we’ll be eating at Wawa’s.”

“Well, we can’t have that, Rose,” Ethan yelled from inside.  He started toward the door, but this time it was Kaycee who held him back.

“You know, I’m holding you to the rock star roleplay thing,” she teased.

“I’ll be sure to purchase a guitar.”

“Would you wear leather pants, too?”

“It’s negotiable,” he smiled, walking her to the door.

“And maybe a big, bushy wig?”

“Kaycee?”

“Yes.”

“You’re pushing it. Now, stop and get in the car before I tell your Dad about this.”

“Oh no!” she laughed, hopping inside. “Not until we’re officially married!”

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More tags on reblog

[siflshonen]

Do you have any romance recommendations? (Books, manga, games, anything.) I'm a crotchety romance snob as well and haven't explored the genre.

My well is pretty empty for this, I must admit. But I guess... hey, you like immersive fandoms, camp, parody, and tongue-in-cheek, I hope?

While the book may be a little too dated for most widespread consumption, I will recommend almost any well-done derivative of Pride and Prejudice or Austen works in general, or even anything that involves it. Enter these with the attitude that everyone is a disaster and the work wants you to hoot and holler at it and treat it like a groundling at a Shakespeare play (that is, like a degenerate.)

Some examples include:

Pride and Prejudice 1995 adaptation - One of the main metrics I use when judging a Pride and Prejudice adaptation is the level of batshit histrionic (complimentary) Elizabeth Bennet's mother acts, and this one is a gold standard (compliments to the actress. I hated her and this is unironically the highest praise I can give in this context).

Pride and Prejudice 2005 (the one with Keira Knightley) - When I first saw this movie, I fucking hated it. My friends took it all too seriously. Then, everything changed when, on the third watch-through, I pointed at Darcy's too-tight (leather?!) pants in the final scene and ripped that poor character a new asshole for being a pathetic, wet man in stupid pants. The next watch-through, I treated each scene's verbal lashings like a WWE wrestling match complete with commentary, and suddenly the entire thing became the best movie in the fucking world. My friends will never watch it with me again, but more fool they because now that I am older I realize that, by doing so, I was the only one engaging with the work in the appropriate spirit even if I lacked the Regency-era class. Austen wrote these to be funny, witty, backhanded, and insightful. When Darcy says, "She isn't handsome enough to tempt ME!", try pointing at him and screaming, "BIIIIITCH!" at the top of your lungs and then see how you feel.

Austenland (view this once you have comfortable familiarity with at least one Austen story. It gets more ridiculous as it goes along, and is all the better for it. Admittedly, I also don't care much for the actual endgame romance in this one either, but the movie is fun even when it's cringe like with... well, you'll see.)

Side note: While I generally look favorably upon Pride and Prejudice adaptations, I do NOT recommend I Love You Because.

Mamma Mia - Do I actually care about any of these couples getting together? Do I ship a damn thing in this show? No, I don't. Their love stories exist only to forward the antics and camp they get into, but it IS a romance. Everything, including the casting choices, is a gag. For example, if you watch the 1995 adaptation of Pride and Prejudice listed below, you will understand why it is funny that Colin Firth is in this movie doing exactly what he does. It opens with all the girlies being like "ohhh wow what a great idea you had to invite these THREE DUDES YOUR MOM HAD A ONE-NIGHT STAND WITH TO YOUR WEDDING" and singing a happy and supportive song about it like a classic optimistic musical, and then all the girlies immediately afterwards being like, "JUST KIDDING you are SO fucking stupid" but still going with it.

Hadestown - For all I bitch about romance............... this is my favorite musical. Before you ask, NO! I DON'T CARE ABOUT THE LOVE STORY OF ORPHEUS AND EURYDICE! I CARE ABOUT THE OTHER ONE!!!! And even then, it's not something I dwell upon as a love story. Admittedly, I have a strong preference for the Live Original Cast Recording rather than the Broadway version (I strongly dislike the changed lyrics for the Epics. However, I am a big fan of Orpheus' added parts in Doubt Comes In), but if you like one, you'll like the other. If you don't like either, well, whatever.

Um, what else... uh, classic anime fandom favorites like Ouran High School Host Club are also fun, but I can also admit to you that I care not for 80% of the romance aspect of it.

Um, d-does Devilman: Crybaby count????

[b0rtney]

9 people you would like to get to know better

BRO TY FOR TAGGING ME @bibookmerm i appreciate u <3333333

Hope it goes without saying, to everyone I tagged, no pressure if you find this annoying!

1. three ships: merthur (SORRY I KNOW IM LATE TO THAT PARTY LOL), clexa, and uhhhh honestly the coaches trio from ted lasso (ted/beard/roy). tbf i think 90% of that show is a complex polycule (and yes i WILL elaborate in a diff post)

2. first ever ship: nalu. yes. from fairy tail. yea.

3. last song: noel's lament from the cyclone musical (no i have not seen the musical but i DO wanna be that fucked up girl <3)

4. last movie: mamma mia (also late to that train but ITS SO GOOD WTF)

5. currently reading: Cant spell treason without tea by rebecca thorne (also bibookmerm im using ur reading list as a reclist so ty <3)

6. currently eating: not enough........ ill go make a snack after this XD steak?? i managed to get like 35-50 lbs of it thru TSA so may as well enjoy!!

7. currently watching: ted lasso. (-:[3 (thats ted in a cowboy hat)

8. currently craving: CHIFFON CAKE WITH GROCERY STORE FROSTING.

9. tagging: @cosmicjoke @swordlesbean @virisable @pendragon1996 @rainbowrider1290 @bestrongbebrave49

[baqisnotdead]

Money Money Money - ABBA Cover 1st Preview!

Welcome back to New Music Mondays.

This week I wanna share a sneak preview of a cover I've been working on for awhile. ABBA is a band I grew up listening to thanks to my mom -- who grew up listening to them. LONG before I even knew they had conquered Eurovision, I was a kid listening to them in the car and singing along. Also I've seen Mamma Mia more times than I can count.

Now as an adult, certain ABBA songs have a delightful way of suddenly hitting me like a nail to the forehead (in a good way). As of late, I have been having a hard time with money. I am more than certain I am not the only one. What are some of the things I feel about money right now? Simple: stresed, angry, confused, apathetic, hopelessly hyperfixated, redundant, and futile, just to name a few. So naturally: how do I put all that into a song?

As you can hear, the first thing I thought of (other than the deep kick/hi-hat hardstep beat) was the repeating digital bell. As mentioned, the nature of "money" is very cyclical and repetitive. That bell serves as a reflection of that process. If you listen close, you can hear that every fourth bell sort of "falls flat" at the tail end. My keyboard has a wheel on it that bends the pitch of a note slightly up or down, so that 4th bell ding goes "down" but only slightly -- even if you falter, you gotta keep going.

I loved discovering the instrument that serves as the main melody, the one that sounds like a digital telephone dial sound. It's a bit analog, kinda retro video game, but ultimately it reminds me of entering numbers on an ATM or on the phone every time I call my bank. I also chose this tonality for the melody to reflect how much people rely on digital means of getting/sending money. I was thinking "Maybe I should put in a cash register sound" but then I thought "When was the last time I saw someone open a cash register/heard that sound?" The digitization of currency is very evil, despite its convenience -- (wow it's almost like that's the tradeoff...)

As for my inspirations, there's a lot of Joost Klein, Kaarija, and Penelope Scott in my approach. The beat and genre itself can be attributed largely to the first two, but I want this song to a dance party that tastes like a really bitter cigarette; that's where the Penelope Scott comes in. Electronic music can be fun, but it can also be quite sardonic and dry, and at times a bit sinister. I wanna see how well I can blend both of those vibes, and I hope it lands in the final draft.

As the title/runtime reminds us, this is only a sneak peek! Depending on what I work on this week, I may or may not share more updates about this song. Ideally I'd like to get two to three songs at a time that I'm working on so I can always keep it fresh! Thanks for listening and reading, to anyone out there in the void who finds me, lol.

[starry-snippets]

Hi! I was hoping I could get a matchup! I've only seen the first 3 episodes of JJBA part 1 so far so I need a character that I can look forward to rooting for no matter what happens. I don't mind what part they come from.

Name: Eren

Pronouns: She/Her

Sexuality: Straight

Zodiac Sign: Gemini

MBTI: INFJ

Personality: I'm pretty quiet in social settings but if someone talks to me first, I can keep a conversation going. I will occasionally go up to someone to initial a conversation but not very often.

With people that I'm close with, I'm very open and sarcastic. And I make a lot of self-depreciating jokes (even though I have a high self worth).

Likes: Reading, writing, anime, video games, Marvel, and listening to music (stuff like Hamilton, Panic! at the Disco and Offspring).

Dislikes: Spiders (deathly afraid of those), being forgotten when I'm gone, and disappointing those who I care about.

Looks: I'm 164cm (5'4") and have an average build (not too curvy but definitely not straight up and down). I have green eyes that everyone thinks are brown and curly/frizzy dark brown hair that is just below my shoulders.

Extra Info: I'm at university and am majoring in English and Writing. I regularly get distinctions and high distinctions with my assignments and have very high expectations for myself. I want to be a published author and have written several manuscripts.

Hopefully I've put a good amount of the right information and I hope the rest of your day goes well for you!

sorry for the delay here! i hope you've enjoyed jjba so far and this matchup!! @justsomeoneintoomanyfandoms also feel free to tell me if you like these characters when you've gotten to their parts! (pt 2 and pt 4)

MY FIRST THOUGHT WAS CAESAR!

☆ caesar would love talking to you! the way you don't talk over him and how you really listen to the deeper things he has to say, as many people stop listening once the bold flirting has concluded. he wouldn't force you to talk either, despite his own extroverted nature, caesar knows how to respect your wishes to be in silence if that's what you want! ☆ you two make a lot of jokes when you chat, and he really likes how you have a witty comment to all his snips. it's like he's met his equal when it comes to clever commentary and it's unfortunate for joseph whenever you two decide to include him in the banter. caesar likes that you're sarcastic and despite making depreciating jokes (which worried him at first) he knows you actually don't believe what you're saying (he does take the time to make sure you know those jokes aren't true) ☆ caesar LOVES that you appreciate music! listen to mamma mia! with him he's so enthralled. isn't ashamed at all to reenact scenes from musicals, especially the ones that involve him getting to be a gentleman. he'd sing along with you after minimal coaxing since he wants you to have to ask, but won't make you beg ☆ if you'd let him, caesar would read to you. it doesn't matter if it's text about how hummingbirds fly or the most eccentric young adult novel, he'd like to share the story with you by reading it to you. his voice is smooth and calming, and he loves the intimacy of sitting besides you while you read together (he's not there for the book, he's there for you) ☆ caesar isn't a fan of bugs but he doesn't actively hate them. he'd rather not deal with them, but he will purely so he can tease you a bit for being scared. he'll play it up, act like he's a hero saving you from a beast, when really he's just trapping it in a bubble before luring it outside

☆ your fears (besides bugs) line up too. caesar understands the fear of being forgotten - the fear of letting people down - too much. if you ever have nightmares about it or just need his reassurance he is there for you. he doesn't just understand, he feels it immensely. it hurts him that you hold the same fears, as it's an intense pain imagining it for himself and he knows it hurts you too. caesar wants to help in anyway he can ☆ he thinks your eyes are the most captivating, priceless, and mystical green eyes he's ever seen. he loves the way that depending on what you wear they look more brown, but caesar always finds himself lost in the shades of emerald, jade, and jasper that always twinkle at him. his favorite body part is likely your eyes, as he loves the expressions that you show him whenever you're together ☆ caesar LOVES your hair. he loves to play with your hair, loves to style it if you let him. you remind him of italy and of nature, with your green eyes and curly hair. caesar loves whenever you cuddle because you're shorter, as he can successfully be the big spoon and whenever he holds you close he can feel the softness of your pretty curls ☆ caesar loves to listen to you read your own stories to him. the way your voice becomes animated, how you may even change your voice when there's dialogue. he views it as you opening up part of your heart to him and he'll be damned if he doesn't take care of it ☆ in conclusion, caesar enjoys how you two differ in interests and behavior but have reached an understanding. you bring out the best in each other, and you accept the worst. it's like your best friends first, lovers second; perhaps evenly split

MY SECOND THOUGHT IS ROHAN!

☆ he's a shit and he's evil and he LOVES you. loves that he can get a rise out of you but you have something to say back. rohan is so intrigued by your calculated comebacks within seconds. he feels like he's finally met someone who can challenge him ☆ if you make a self depreciating joke he's playing it up most likely. he will do things like agree, or say stuff like "you're being too nice to yourself!" but only once you've gotten closer. close enough where you both know you can throw it at each other, where you both understand you have self worth that isn't impacted by the stupid comments of a smartassy friend ☆ rohan can't stand when you put on musicals and says he'll rather listen to nails on a chalkboard. but you know he's lying and he knows it too. rohan listens to your favorite musicals while he works out since running on a treadmill is a mindless activity for him. it's true he's not into it, but a smile comes on his face whenever he listens to "guns and ships" and he imagines you missing the timing during the rapid rapping ☆ really appreciates your eyes. the color, the shape, the emotion. rohan would convince you to let him do eye studies with them as a reference. likely when he's falling in love with you or when you've begun dating, either way he wants an excuse to sketch every single detail and bring it to life so he'll always be able to appreciate this part of you, even when he's gone (rohan hangs it up because he's "just proud of the drawing") ☆ pokes fun at you being scared of spiders. he doesn't mind them as we've seen, but he'll act like it's a big deal to take care of one that's bothering you. it'd be better off not to tell him in all honesty. with your other fears though, rohan understands and reassures you that no matter what he could never forget you. he tells you often that if you die before him (he just about prays you won't) he'll make the most beautiful art out of your ashes, and rohan truly means that ☆ rohan also loves drawing you, all of you, because of your hair. he likes to try new things and drawing your curls was originally difficult but after sketches upon sketches he's mastered inking your hair texture. you better not doubt if they look as beautiful as they're drawn, because he doesn't lie in his art ☆ makes fun of your height! despite making fun of it, he does love how the difference comes in handy when you're cuddling or when he's trying to annoy you a bit. he's immature, but he does know how to respect whenever you've had enough or how to console you if he goes too far ☆ he loves that you love to read and write. if you're a fan of his he'll be even more elated and have such an ego boost. don't even tell him his head is already inflated so big it's in the clouds. but also do tell him, because he'll sign all your copies and actually leave heartfelt messages (and a few stupid remarks) ☆ cares so much about your manuscripts. if you show him any of them he'll treasure it. he may act like it's not a big deal, but you can tell in the way he listens and provides feedback that he truly does care, and your happiness about it is why he's happy while you read. secretly loves when you give him feedback too, even when he acts like he won't possibly need it ☆ in conclusion, you two make each other better creators. you also keep each other in check, rohan needing it more than you... but still. rohan would go through so much for you and he may be a bit of a smarmy jerk, but he's more of a lovesick artist who's finally found his muse more than anything else

[mamabelverse]

First post for my (hopefully) fully original AU? LET'S GO, BABY!

Yep, I created yet another Gravity Falls AU, I'm trying to keep up with... actually, it's been in my head since last summer, but I only recently came around to officially make it.

Well... welcome to Mama Mabel AU blog! :)

(AU logo)

The point of AU is my try to reverse the popular concept of making Stan or Ford to be Dipper and Mabel's father. This gave me Mabel as a mother to Stan and Ford. And before we continue, I want to say that, while creating this AU, I was very inspired by my favorite AU for last year's big hit Encanto, Mamá Mira, created by lovely @anotsomysticalnight and it's fanfic on AO3

Right now, I'm really giving myself to this AU fic and I like how it turns out to be, so I hope you will too!

And, for awhile, it's been my main concern for this AU, before I made a request to @elishevart and saw this :

And saw this AU by the amazing @gamerbearmira

By combining them, I got myself two timelines for this AU, I really like and will continue to make! I don't have real names for both timelines yet, so, for now, I'll be calling them "Biological" and "Adopted".

I do not claim any of the things, I was taking ideas from, as my work, it all goes to their original creators!

And thank you too all the amazing people, who inspired me to create and write this AU! I love you, guys!

[anmagirl]

Super Mario bro’s movie thoughts

OK so I finally watched the Mario movie in 3d and it was honestly a lot more enjoyable then I thought.  I have always been more of a sonic fan the Mario so I had very little interest in the movie at first.  Now I am very glad I watched it.  It was fun and colorful.  In my opinion it went a little to fast in pace but oh well.  

Favorites

The video game call backs like the power ups, sounds, story and everything.  

Peach’s power up color change.  I loved her outfit changes with her power ups.

The more confident peach.  Loved they made her a strong instead of the damsel.

Toad.  Just him as a character.  he may not have done much  but seeing his reaction and stuff was super fun and funny.

Dislikes

the fact they didn’t have Italian accents. at least the had the signature Woohoo’s and mamma mia’s.  I was ok with it honestly.

Luigi’s sudden courage.  seriously he goes from scared to jump with almost no build up.  I mean sure the situation called for it but I think it would have been better if he showed a bit of him getting more confident at some point first.  oh well.  the ending made up for it so oh well.

Bowsers romance.  sure in cannon he can have a crush on peach but this movie made it a bit cringy.

NO YOSHI!  If they make a sequel I hope Yoshi will be in their.

All in all it was a fun watch.  I will defiantly watcha  sequel if they make it.  more so if Yoshi is in there.  

[amysstarlesslife]

evil, evil things :/

augrghgegg im. its opening night tonight im laying on the basement floor of my theatre listening to mamma mia to cope 😭😭

oughhhh goodluck !!! break legs !!!! i hope it goes well :)

[boysplanetrecaps]

The Great Produce 48 Rewatch: Ep 4, High Tension (AKB48) Challenge

Welcome back to the thing I’m doing for some reason: The Great Produce48 Rewatch Recap-ma-jig! When we left off in the previous post, we saw team Mamma Mia sort of… generally disappoint, alas. But now we’re going to dive in to team High Tension, and get to see Yunjin from Le Sserafim, Dayeon from Kep1er, and Suyun from Rocket Punch!! Woot! It’s a pretty short segment so it’ll be a pretty short post. Let’s do it!

This whole segment is a little different from the segments for each of the other pairings, because we don’t spend time with each group individually. Instead, we sort of see both groups preparing, then each group right after each other performs, and then we get the results. It’s really short. 

So, let’s remember our two teams. This is the same screenshot I used for the previous post about it, but it’s appropriate for this circumstance as well. 

Top row, team 1, LTR:  Nakano Ikumi, Mogi Shinobu, Iwate Saho, Cho Yeoungin, Kim Dayeon, Yoon Haesol

Bottom row, team 2: Takeuchi Miyu, Cho Ahyoung, Huh Yunjin, Kim Suyun, Oda Erina

Team 1:

Cho Yeongin, 16, who auditioned alongside Lee Chaeyeong, moved from B to C and is ranked 62.

Iwatate Saho, 23, who auditioned with Miyu to Dancing Hero, moved from B to D and is ranked 24th.

Kim Dayeon,15, future Kep1er, B class mainstay and ranked 65

Mogi Shinobu, 21, the living meme, who moved up from F to D and is ranked 59

Nakano Ikumi, 17, “known for her dancing”, who moved up from D to B and is ranked 53rd.

Yoon Haesol, 20, who auditioned with Question Mark, moved down from B to D, and is ranked 50th.

Saho was the chooser for this team and was chosen to be the center, and Youngin is the leader. When we left off with this team, we were being reminded that Saho performs this song in her role as a member of AKB48, but she has never been chosen to be center, and she’s hoping that she can get people’s attention finally as center in this performance. 

Team 2:

Takeuchi Miyu, 22, the one who auditioned in the awesome orange bulls eye dress, fell from A to B but is still ranked pretty high at 11th place. 

Cho Ahyeong, 16, who auditioned with future Cherry Bullet Haeyoon, rose from C to B and is ranked 78th. 

Huh Yunjin, 16, future Le Sserafim, who somehow fell from C to F, was ranked 15th

Kim Suyun, 17, future Rocket Punch badass, has lived in class C and is ranked 51.

Oda Erina, 21, who was supposedly known for her singing, fell from C to F and was ranked 67th.

This group was formed 6th, and the chooser was Oda Erina. It was Erina who suggested that they should choose a Korean girl to be center, to create a new style of the song. Erina and Miyu talked it over and chose Huh Yunjin to be center, and I just have to reuse this picture as well because it’s just the best. 

When we pick up with the teams, they’re at dance practice with Psychopath. 

The narrative, as presented by the MNET editors, is that this isn’t really a group battle -- it’s a battle of the centers. 

Yunjin’s team goes first, and Psychopath begins yelling at them while they’re still dancing. When he’s done, he says “you wouldn’t be able to go on stage as you are now.” Yes, and you can’t eat eggs until you’ve cooked them. What is your point, sir? He goes on to talk about how centers are very important, with the suggestion being that Yunjin was a bad center, and seriously, fuck you very much. Yunjin begins to lose her confidence.

Saho’s team goes next, and she doesn’t understand Korean or his vague instructions as he tries to get her to move to a center position. They do their best, and then Psychopath absolutely tears Saho to shreds when they’re done. He says, “Saho, I think that you have a lot of shortcomings as the center. I don’t think you command the stage very much as a center, and I’m not even sure if giving you more time on this will allow you to improve.” He tells the team that they either have to replace Saho, or make her into a “super player” (English phrase). Her teammates promise to help her, and the Superman theme song plays as Saho considers: can she do it? 

(not my edit)

Meanwhile, Yunjin is asking her team if they want to put someone else in the center, and they all reassure her that they believe in her.  Suyun from future-Rocket-Punch tells her, “He’s just saying that you can become better by doing certain things.” IDK, he sounded like he was saying that they were all terrible and deserve to feel bad about it. But he should have told them to work on it, so let’s pretend he did! Suyun says, “Don’t lose your confidence over that.”

“Rather, I think it’d be better for you to show him the sharp end of a knife. He might get the idea then.”

Yunjin is touched by how much her chingu-duri believe in her. I wonder if Suyun and Yunjin are still friendly when they run into each other at music shows and stuff? 

Saho’s team is helping her as well. 

A few days later, the girls meet with Psychopath again, and this time they do a lot better. He tells Saho she’s like a totally different person, and tells Yunjin he didn’t think it was possible for her to improve that much. He says the teams are now neck and neck. 

Saho interviews that the two teams will just put on different styles of performance, and thinks that the song suits her group better. So who will reign supreme??

It’s time for the performances!

Unfortunately, that angel PD48 Edits didn’t do a blessed edit of this performance, so we’re stuck with yucky MNET. Sigh. 

Here’s the link.

Cho Youngin (stripes/purple), Nakano Ikumi (pink/polka dots), Kim Dayeon (red), Iwatate Saho, Yoon Haeseol (red skirt), Mogi Shinobu (green and purple)

I don’t know why the resolution has to be so terrible for the performances. I tried my best. 

Here’s Kim Dayeon, future Kep1er:

Here’s her fancam if you’re curious.

My thoughts: 

Overall, pretty good. It doesn’t seem like too hard of a song to sing, and the choreo is pretty easy, but it’s all so silly and high energy that you need a lot of energy and charisma to pull it off. I thought they more or less did, though it’s hard to imagine a debuted k-pop group performing a song like this. It’s just so obviously J-pop that my brain is kind of stuck. 

I couldn’t help but focus a bit on Dayeon, given her future destiny. She looked a little scared or something -- her smile didn’t quite reach her eyes, and sometimes she looks down. But she throws herself right into the dancing and all the performing. 

For me the biggest discovery was main vocal Yoon Haesol. She sounded fantastic. 

Iwate Saho smiled and threw herself into her center position, but she didn’t stand out in particular, unfortunately. I feel for the girl. Charisma is so random -- you have it, or you don’t. I have a lot of charisma when I’m just standing around, for some reason, but when I get on stage it evaporates. Who knows why? 

Anyway, when the team is over, the other team goes up almost immediately. 

Team 2:

Here’s the MNET link.

LTR: Oda Erina, Kim Suyun, Yunjin, Takeuchi Miyu, Cho Ahyeong

Suyun

Fancam

Miyu

Yunjin (fancam)

My thoughts:

The groups were both pretty close, in that most of the members of most groups were pretty strong. I think this group pulls ahead of the other group partly because the formation just looks better with five girls than it does with six, and partly because they had Yunjin.

Yunjin looks like she was born to perform this. I think it was at about this point in my first watch that I became a Yunjin one-pick. She can sing really well, she dances well, she looks great on stage, she oozes charisma, and she also is just really pretty. She also seems nice and hard working. Saho sang just fine, but Yunjin sang well enough that you specifically notice her voice. In other words, this team had two members who were main vocal quality, and that gave them the edge.

Miyu does fantastic, but I knew even on my first watch that Miyu couldn’t possibly be that successful in Kpop despite her voice and talents, because she just doesn’t meet the Korean beauty standard. It’s a shame because she has a fantastic voice and also just generally does well on stage. Why should the bones underneath our facial skin matter this much? Life is weird. But I think she did great here and I am glad we can keep hearing her sing even in 2024.

Imagine if they had edited this to be about the battle of these two main vocals? Both main vocals really did great in this song. And Miyu was the leader of this team, too. She deserved better. She also deserved better than this unflattering outfit. 

I became a Suyun fan during Queendom Puzzle -- I had also noticed her in Rocket Punch videos but didn’t know she was the one I kept noticing because she looks so different when she does her hair differently. I think she’s great at just about everything, and she actually does really fantastic here too. She’s cute as hell, with a great smile and just looks like she’s having a great time. She sparkles -- what can I say? 

Erina’s singing voice got a lot better in the short time she was on the show, and she looks cute here, even if sometimes her smile looked a bit forced. 

Cho Ahyeong was maybe doing a bit too much with her facial expressions and it made her look a little manic on stage, but maybe that’s a good thing for this song? Hard to say. Her rapping seemed fine, with a good tone (Cheetah agrees with me!) but my Japanese isn’t strong enough to be sure of her pronunciation. She looked really cute, regardless. 

The MNET edit of both performances is relatively unobtrusive -- hardly any instant replays, and only a few reaction shots from the other trainees or judges. It’s as if they wanted to get this whole segment in under ten minutes or something. Maybe it’s just because they were worried the audience wouldn’t stick around for an AKB48 song? The first group seemed to be edited relatively fairly, but in the second group, I noticed that they showed Yunjin a lot, and we hardly ever get to see Miyu, even when she’s singing. 

After the second group, the judges comment to each other that they can hardly believe that Yunjin was in F-group. I mean, she probably just had a systems failure from not sleeping for two days and having to learn the song in Korean and Japanese when she’s most comfortable in English. 

When the groups are both done, the audience votes and then they go back to the men’s bathroom Results Zone.

They reveal the result of the center, and… 

…. Yunjin got 188 votes. Saho got only 56. Yunjin wonders if she’s dreaming, and Saho is heartbroken. 

Full voting results:

Team 1: Average: 46.3  Cho Yeongin 28 Iwatate Saho 56 Kim Dayeon 46 Mogi Shinobu 58 Nakano Ikumi 50 Yoon Haesol 40

Team 2: Average: 101.2 Cho Ahyeong 160 Huh Yunjin 188 Kim Suyun 12 Oda Erina 60 Takeuchi Miyu 84

It’s a blow out. Team 2’s average is more than double Team 1’s. 

On team one, no one really stood out, and the votes were distributed almost evenly. Meanwhile, in team two, I’m glad to see that Miyu got some love, surprised at how much love Ahyeong got, and sad on Suyun’s behalf. 

The two teams applaud for each other, and Yunjin sheds some tears of relief. She said that she lost confidence after falling to F class and she thanks her team for believing in her. 

And that's it for this post! Thanks as always for reading along -- you're a good egg. Hope you're warm and cozy and see you in the next one, when we come face to face with.... HELLBAYAH.

[grainofrhiice]

BARRY:

Right. Well, here's to a great team.

VANESSA:

To a great team!

(Ken walks in from work. He sees Barry and he looks upset when he sees

Barry clinking his glass with Vanessa)

KEN:

Well, hello.

VANESSA:

- Oh, Ken!

BARRY:

- Hello!

VANESSA:

I didn't think you were coming.

:

No, I was just late.

I tried to call, but...

(Ken holds up his phone and flips it open. The phone has no charge)

...the battery...

VANESSA:

I didn't want all this to go to waste,

so I called Barry. Luckily, he was free.

KEN:

Oh, that was lucky.

(Ken sits down at the table across from Barry and Vanessa leaves the room)

VANESSA:

There's a little left.

I could heat it up.

KEN:

(Not taking his eyes off Barry)

Yeah, heat it up, sure, whatever.

BARRY:

So I hear you're quite a tennis player.

:

I'm not much for the game myself.

The ball's a little grabby.

KEN:

That's where I usually sit.

Right...

(Points to where Barry is sitting)

there.

VANESSA:

(Calling from other room)

Ken, Barry was looking at your resume,

:

and he agreed with me that eating with

chopsticks isn't really a special skill.

KEN:

(To Barry)

You think I don't see what you're doing?

BARRY:

I know how hard it is to find

the right job. We have that in common.

KEN:

Do we?

BARRY:

Bees have 100 percent employment,

but we do jobs like taking the crud out.

KEN:

(Menacingly)

That's just what

I was thinking about doing.

(Ken reaches for a fork on the table but knocks if on the floor. He goes to

pick it up)

VANESSA:

Ken, I let Barry borrow your razor

for his fuzz. I hope that was all right.

(Ken quickly rises back up after hearing this but hits his head on the

table and yells)

BARRY:

I'm going to drain the old stinger.

KEN:

Yeah, you do that.

(Barry flies past Ken to get to the bathroom and Ken freaks out, splashing

some of the wine he was using to cool his head in his eyes. He yells in

anger)

(Barry looks at the magazines featuring his victories in court)

BARRY:

Look at that.

(Barry flies into the bathroom)

(He puts his hand on his head but this makes hurts him and makes him even

madder. He yells again)

(Barry is washing his hands in the sink but then Ken walks in)

KEN:

You know, you know I've just about had it

(Closes bathroom door behind him)

with your little mind games.

(Ken is menacingly rolling up a magazine)

BARRY:

(Backing away)

- What's that?

KEN:

- Italian Vogue.

BARRY:

Mamma mia, that's a lot of pages.

KEN:

It's a lot of ads.

BARRY:

Remember what Van said, why is

your life more valuable than mine?

KEN:

That's funny, I just can't seem to recall that!

(Ken smashes everything off the sink with the magazine and Barry narrowly

escapes)

(Ken follows Barry around and tries to hit him with the magazine but he

keeps missing)

(Ken gets a spray bottle)

:

I think something stinks in here!

BARRY:

(Enjoying the spray)

I love the smell of flowers.

(Ken holds a lighter in front of the spray bottle)

KEN:

How do you like the smell of flames?!

BARRY:

Not as much.

(Ken fires his make-shift flamethrower but misses Barry, burning the

bathroom. He torches the whole room but looses his footing and falls into

the bathtub. After getting hit in the head by falling objects 3 times he

picks up the shower head, revealing a Water bug hiding under it)

WATER BUG:

Water bug! Not taking sides!

(Barry gets up out of a pile of bathroom supplies and he is wearing a

chapstick hat)

BARRY:

Ken, I'm wearing a Chapstick hat!

This is pathetic!

(Ken switches the shower head to lethal)

KEN:

I've got issues!

(Ken sprays Barry with the shower head and he crash lands into the toilet)

(Ken menacingly looks down into the toilet at Barry)

Well, well, well, a royal flush!

BARRY:

- You're bluffing.

KEN:

- Am I?

(flushes toilet)

(Barry grabs a chapstick from the toilet seat and uses it to surf in the

flushing toilet)

BARRY:

Surf's up, dude!

(Barry flies out of the toilet on the chapstick and sprays Ken's face with

the toilet water)

:

EW,Poo water!

BARRY:

That bowl is gnarly.

KEN:

(Aiming a toilet cleaner at Barry)

Except for those dirty yellow rings!

(Barry cowers and covers his head and Vanessa runs in and takes the toilet

cleaner from Ken just before he hits Barry)

VANESSA:

Kenneth! What are you doing?!

KEN==

(Leaning towards Barry)

You know, I don't even like honey!

I don't eat it!

VANESSA:

We need to talk!

(Vanessa pulls Ken out of the bathroom)

:

He's just a little bee!

:

And he happens to be

the nicest bee I've met in a long time!

KEN:

Long time? What are you talking about?!

Are there other bugs in your life?

VANESSA:

No, but there are other things bugging

me in life. And you're one of them!

KEN:

Fine! Talking bees, no yogurt night...

:

My nerves are fried from riding

on this emotional roller coaster!

VANESSA:

Goodbye, Ken.

(Ken huffs and walks out and slams the door. But suddenly he walks back in

and stares at Barry)

:

And for your information,

I prefer sugar-free, artificial

sweeteners MADE BY MAN!

(Ken leaves again and Vanessa leans in towards Barry)

VANESSA:

I'm sorry about all that.

(Ken walks back in again)

KEN:

I know it's got

an aftertaste! I LIKE IT!

(Ken leaves for the last time)

VANESSA:

I always felt there was some kind

of barrier between Ken and me.

:

I couldn't overcome it.

Oh, well.

:

Are you OK for the trial?

BARRY:

I believe Mr. Montgomery

is about out of ideas.

(Flash forward in time and Barry, Adam, and Vanessa are back in court)

MONTGOMERY--

We would like to call

Mr. Barry Benson Bee to the stand.

ADAM:

Good idea! You can really see why he's

considered one of the best lawyers...

(Barry stares at Adam)

...Yeah.

LAWYER:

Layton, you've

gotta weave some magic

with this jury,

or it's gonna be all over.

MONTGOMERY:

Don't worry. The only thing I have

to do to turn this jury around

:

is to remind them

of what they don't like about bees.

(To lawyer)

- You got the tweezers?

LAWYER:

- Are you allergic?

MONTGOMERY:

Only to losing, son. Only to losing.

:

Mr. Benson Bee, I'll ask you

what I think we'd all like to know.

:

What exactly is your relationship

(Points to Vanessa)

:

to that woman?

BARRY:

We're friends.

MONTGOMERY:

- Good friends?

BARRY:

- Yes.

MONTGOMERY:

How good? Do you live together?

ADAM:

Wait a minute...

:

MONTGOMERY:

Are you her little...

:

...bedbug?

(Adam's stinger starts vibrating. He is agitated)

I've seen a bee documentary or two.

From what I understand,

:

doesn't your queen give birth

to all the bee children?

BARRY:

- Yeah, but...

MONTGOMERY:

(Pointing at Janet and Martin)

- So those aren't your real parents!

JANET:

- Oh, Barry...

BARRY:

- Yes, they are!

ADAM:

Hold me back!

(Vanessa tries to hold Adam back. He wants to sting Montgomery)

MONTGOMERY:

You're an illegitimate bee,

aren't you, Benson?

ADAM:

He's denouncing bees!

MONTGOMERY:

Don't y'all date your cousins?

(Montgomery leans over on the jury stand and stares at Adam)

VANESSA:

- Objection!

(Vanessa raises her hand to object but Adam gets free. He flies straight at

Montgomery)

=ADAM:

- I'm going to pincushion this guy!

BARRY:

Adam, don't! It's what he wants!

(Adam stings Montgomery in the butt and he starts thrashing around)

MONTGOMERY:

Oh, I'm hit!!

:

Oh, lordy, I am hit!

JUDGE BUMBLETON:

(Banging gavel)

Order! Order!

MONTGOMERY:

(Overreacting)

The venom! The venom

is coursing through my veins!

:

I have been felled

by a winged beast of destruction!

:

You see? You can't treat them

like equals! They're striped savages!

:

Stinging's the only thing

they know! It's their way!

BARRY:

- Adam, stay with me.

ADAM:

- I can't feel my legs.

MONTGOMERY:

(Overreacting and throwing his body around the room)

What angel of mercy

will come forward to suck the poison

:

from my heaving buttocks?

JUDGE BUMLBETON:

I will have order in this court. Order!

:

Order, please!

(Flash forward in time and we see a human news reporter)

NEWS REPORTER:

The case of the honeybees

versus the human race

:

took a pointed turn against the bees

:

yesterday when one of their legal

team stung Layton T. Montgomery.

(Adam is laying in a hospital bed and Barry flies in to see him)

BARRY:

- Hey, buddy.

ADAM:

- Hey.

BARRY:

- Is there much pain?

ADAM:

- Yeah.

:

I...

:

I blew the whole case, didn't I?

BARRY:

It doesn't matter. What matters is

you're alive. You could have died.

ADAM:

I'd be better off dead. Look at me.

(A small plastic sword is replaced as Adam's stinger)

They got it from the cafeteria

downstairs, in a tuna sandwich.

:

Look, there's

a little celery still on it.

(Flicks off the celery and sighs)

BARRY:

What was it like to sting someone?

ADAM:

I can't explain it. It was all...

:

All adrenaline and then...

and then ecstasy!

BARRY:

...All right.

ADAM:

You think it was all a trap?

BARRY:

Of course. I'm sorry.

I flew us right into this.

:

What were we thinking? Look at us. We're

just a couple of bugs in this world.

ADAM:

What will the humans do to us

if they win?

BARRY:

I don't know.

ADAM:

I hear they put the roaches in motels.

That doesn't sound so bad.

BARRY:

Adam, they check in,

but they don't check out!

ADAM:

Oh, my.

(Coughs)

Could you get a nurse

to close that window?

BARRY:

- Why?

ADAM:

- The smoke.

(We can see that two humans are smoking cigarettes outside)

:

Bees don't smoke.

BARRY:

Right. Bees don't smoke.

:

Bees don't smoke!

But some bees are smoking.

:

That's it! That's our case!

ADAM:

It is? It's not over?

BARRY:

Get dressed. I've gotta go somewhere.

:

Get back to the court and stall.

Stall any way you can.

(Flash forward in time and Adam is making a paper boat in the courtroom)

ADAM:

And assuming you've done step 29 correctly, you're ready for the tub!

(We see that the jury have each made their own paper boats after being

taught how by Adam. They all look confused)

JUDGE BUMBLETON:

Mr. Flayman.

ADAM:

Yes? Yes, Your Honor!

JUDGE BUMBLETON:

Where is the rest of your team?

ADAM:

(Continues stalling)

Well, Your Honor, it's interesting.

:

Bees are trained to fly haphazardly,

:

and as a result,

we don't make very good time.

:

I actually heard a funny story about...

MONTGOMERY:

Your Honor,

haven't these ridiculous bugs

:

taken up enough

of this court's valuable time?

:

How much longer will we allow

these absurd shenanigans to go on?

:

They have presented no compelling

evidence to support their charges

:

against my clients,

who run legitimate businesses.

:

I move for a complete dismissal

of this entire case!

JUDGE BUMBLETON:

Mr. Flayman, I'm afraid I'm going

:

to have to consider

Mr. Montgomery's motion.

ADAM:

But you can't! We have a terrific case.

MONTGOMERY:

Where is your proof?

Where is the evidence?

:

Show me the smoking gun!

BARRY:

(Barry flies in through the door)

Hold it, Your Honor!

You want a smoking gun?

:

Here is your smoking gun.

(Vanessa walks in holding a bee smoker. She sets it down on the Judge's

podium)

JUDGE BUMBLETON:

What is that?

BARRY:

It's a bee smoker!

MONTGOMERY:

(Picks up smoker)

What, this?

This harmless little contraption?

:

This couldn't hurt a fly,

let alone a bee.

(Montgomery accidentally fires it at the bees in the crowd and they faint

and cough)

(Dozens of reporters start taking pictures of the suffering bees)

BARRY:

Look at what has happened

:

to bees who have never been asked,

"Smoking or non?"

:

Is this what nature intended for us?

:

To be forcibly addicted

to smoke machines

:

and man-made wooden slat work camps?

:

Living out our lives as honey slaves

to the white man?

(Barry points to the honey industry owners. One of them is an African

American so he awkwardly separates himself from the others)

LAWYER:

- What are we gonna do?

- He's playing the species card.

BARRY:

Ladies and gentlemen, please,

free these bees!

ADAM AND VANESSA:

Free the bees! Free the bees!

BEES IN CROWD:

Free the bees!

HUMAN JURY:

Free the bees! Free the bees!

JUDGE BUMBLETON:

The court finds in favor of the bees!

BARRY:

Vanessa, we won!

VANESSA:

I knew you could do it! High-five!

(Vanessa hits Barry hard because her hand is too big)

:

Sorry.

BARRY:

(Overjoyed)

I'm OK! You know what this means?

:

All the honey

will finally belong to the bees.

:

Now we won't have

to work so hard all the time.

MONTGOMERY:

This is an unholy perversion

of the balance of nature, Benson.

:

You'll regret this.

(Montgomery leaves and Barry goes outside the courtroom. Several reporters

start asking Barry questions)

REPORTER 1#:

Barry, how much honey is out there?

BARRY:

All right. One at a time.

REPORTER 2#:

Barry, who are you wearing?

BARRY:

My sweater is Ralph Lauren,

and I have no pants.

(Barry flies outside with the paparazzi and Adam and Vanessa stay back)

ADAM:

(To Vanessa)

- What if Montgomery's right?

Vanessa:

- What do you mean?

ADAM:

We've been living the bee way

a long time, 27 million years.

(Flash forward in time and Barry is talking to a man)

BUSINESS MAN:

Congratulations on your victory.

What will you demand as a settlement?

BARRY:

First, we'll demand a complete shutdown

of all bee work camps.

(As Barry is talking we see a montage of men putting "closed" tape over the

work camps and freeing the bees in the crappy apartments)

Then we want back the honey

that was ours to begin with,

:

every last drop.

(Men in suits are pushing all the honey of the aisle and into carts)

We demand an end to the glorification

of the bear as anything more

(We see a statue of a bear-shaped honey container being pulled down by

bees)

than a filthy, smelly,

bad-breath stink machine.

:

We're all aware

of what they do in the woods.

(We see Winnie the Pooh sharing his honey with Piglet in the cross-hairs of

a high-tech sniper rifle)

BARRY:

(Looking through binoculars)

Wait for my signal.

:

Take him out.

(Winnie gets hit by a tranquilizer dart and dramatically falls off the log

he was standing on, his tongue hanging out. Piglet looks at Pooh in fear

and the Sniper takes the honey.)

SNIPER:

He'll have nausea

for a few hours, then he'll be fine.

(Flash forward in time)

BARRY:

And we will no longer tolerate

bee-negative nicknames...

(Mr. Sting is sitting at home until he is taken out of his house by the men

in suits)

STING:

But it's just a prance-about stage name!

BARRY:

...unnecessary inclusion of honey

in bogus health products

:

and la-dee-da human

tea-time snack garnishments.

(An old lady is mixing honey into her tea but suddenly men in suits smash

her face down on the table and take the honey)

OLD LADY:

Can't breathe.

(A honey truck pulls up to Barry's hive)

WORKER:

Bring it in, boys!

:

Hold it right there! Good.

:

Tap it.

(Tons of honey is being pumped into the hive's storage)

BEE WORKER 1#:

(Honey overflows from the cup)

Mr. Buzzwell, we just passed three cups,

and there's gallons more coming!

:

- I think we need to shut down!

=BEE WORKER #2=

- Shut down? We've never shut down.

:

Shut down honey production!

DEAN BUZZWELL:

Stop making honey!

(The bees all leave their stations. Two bees run into a room and they put

the keys into a machine)

Turn your key, sir!

(Two worker bees dramatically turn their keys, which opens the button which

they press, shutting down the honey-making machines. This is the first time

this has ever happened)

BEE:

...What do we do now?

(Flash forward in time and a Bee is about to jump into a pool full of

honey)

Cannonball!

(The bee gets stuck in the honey and we get a short montage of Bees leaving

work)

(We see the Pollen Jocks flying but one of them gets a call on his antenna)

LOU LU DUVA:

(Through "phone")

We're shutting honey production!

:

Mission abort.

POLLEN JOCK #1:

Aborting pollination and nectar detail.

Returning to base.

(The Pollen Jocks fly back to the hive)

(We get a time lapse of Central Park slowly wilting away as the bees all

relax)

BARRY:

Adam, you wouldn't believe

how much honey was out there.

ADAM:

Oh, yeah?

BARRY:

What's going on? Where is everybody?

(The entire street is deserted)

:

- Are they out celebrating?

ADAM:

- They're home.

:

They don't know what to do.

Laying out, sleeping in.

:

I heard your Uncle Carl was on his way

to San Antonio with a cricket.

BARRY:

At least we got our honey back.

ADAM:

Sometimes I think, so what if humans

liked our honey? Who wouldn't?

:

It's the greatest thing in the world!

I was excited to be part of making it.

:

This was my new desk. This was my

new job. I wanted to do it really well.

:

And now...

:

Now I can't.

(Flash forward in time and Barry is talking to Vanessa)

BARRY:

I don't understand

why they're not happy.

:

I thought their lives would be better!

:

They're doing nothing. It's amazing.

Honey really changes people.

VANESSA:

You don't have any idea

what's going on, do you?

BARRY:

- What did you want to show me?

(Vanessa takes Barry to the rooftop where they first had coffee and points

to her store)

VANESSA:

- This.

(Points at her flowers. They are all grey and wilting)

BARRY:

What happened here?

VANESSA:

That is not the half of it.

(Small flash forward in time and Vanessa and Barry are on the roof of her

store and she points to Central Park)

(We see that Central Park is no longer green and colorful, rather it is

grey, brown, and dead-like. It is very depressing to look at)

BARRY:

Oh, no. Oh, my.

:

They're all wilting.

VANESSA:

Doesn't look very good, does it?

BARRY:

No.

VANESSA:

And whose fault do you think that is?

BARRY:

You know, I'm gonna guess bees.

VANESSA==

(Staring at Barry)

Bees?

BARRY:

Specifically, me.

:

I didn't think bees not needing to make

honey would affect all these things.

VANESSA:

It's not just flowers.

Fruits, vegetables, they all need bees.

BARRY:

That's our whole SAT test right there.

VANESSA:

Take away produce, that affects

the entire animal kingdom.

:

And then, of course...

BARRY:

The human species?

:

So if there's no more pollination,

:

it could all just go south here,

couldn't it?

VANESSA:

I know this is also partly my fault.

BARRY:

How about a suicide pact?

VANESSA:

How do we do it?

BARRY:

- I'll sting you, you step on me.

VANESSA:

- That just kills you twice.

BARRY:

Right, right.

VANESSA:

Listen, Barry...

sorry, but I gotta get going.

(Vanessa leaves)

BARRY:

(To himself)

I had to open my mouth and talk.

:

Vanessa?

:

Vanessa? Why are you leaving?

Where are you going?

(Vanessa is getting into a taxi)

VANESSA:

To the final Tournament of Roses parade

in Pasadena.

:

They've moved it to this weekend

because all the flowers are dying.

:

It's the last chance

I'll ever have to see it.

BARRY:

Vanessa, I just wanna say I'm sorry.

I never meant it to turn out like this.

VANESSA:

I know. Me neither.

(The taxi starts to drive away)

BARRY:

Tournament of Roses.

Roses can't do sports.

:

Wait a minute. Roses. Roses?

:

Roses!

:

Vanessa!

(Barry flies after the Taxi)

VANESSA:

Roses?!

:

Barry?

(Barry is flying outside the window of the taxi)

BARRY:

- Roses are flowers!

VANESSA:

- Yes, they are.

BARRY:

Flowers, bees, pollen!

VANESSA:

I know.

That's why this is the last parade.

BARRY:

Maybe not.

Could you ask him to slow down?

VANESSA:

Could you slow down?

(The taxi driver screeches to a stop and Barry keeps flying forward)

:

Barry!

(Barry flies back to the window)

BARRY:

OK, I made a huge mistake.

This is a total disaster, all my fault.

VANESSA:

Yes, it kind of is.

BARRY:

I've ruined the planet.

I wanted to help you

:

with the flower shop.

I've made it worse.

VANESSA:

Actually, it's completely closed down.

BARRY:

I thought maybe you were remodeling.

:

But I have another idea, and it's

greater than my previous ideas combined.

VANESSA:

I don't want to hear it!

BARRY:

All right, they have the roses,

the roses have the pollen.

:

I know every bee, plant

and flower bud in this park.

:

All we gotta do is get what they've got

back here with what we've got.

:

- Bees.

VANESSA:

- Park.

BARRY:

- Pollen!

VANESSA:

- Flowers.

BARRY:

- Re-pollination!

VANESSA:

- Across the nation!

:

Tournament of Roses,

Pasadena, California.

:

They've got nothing

but flowers, floats and cotton candy.

:

Security will be tight.

BARRY:

I have an idea.

(Flash forward in time. Vanessa is about to board a plane which has all the

Roses on board.

VANESSA:

Vanessa Bloome, FTD.

(Holds out badge)

:

Official floral business. It's real.

SECURITY GUARD:

Sorry, ma'am. Nice brooch.

=VANESSA==

Thank you. It was a gift.

(Barry is revealed to be hiding inside the brooch)

(Flash back in time and Barry and Vanessa are discussing their plan)

BARRY:

Once inside,

we just pick the right float.

VANESSA:

How about The Princess and the Pea?

:

I could be the princess,

and you could be the pea!

BARRY:

Yes, I got it.

:

- Where should I sit?

GUARD:

- What are you?

BARRY:

- I believe I'm the pea.

GUARD:

- The pea?

VANESSA:

It goes under the mattresses.

GUARD:

- Not in this fairy tale, sweetheart.

- I'm getting the marshal.

VANESSA:

You do that!

This whole parade is a fiasco!

:

Let's see what this baby'll do.

(Vanessa drives the float through traffic)

GUARD:

Hey, what are you doing?!

BARRY==

Then all we do

is blend in with traffic...

:

...without arousing suspicion.

:

Once at the airport,

there's no stopping us.

(Flash forward in time and Barry and Vanessa are about to get on a plane)

SECURITY GUARD:

Stop! Security.

:

- You and your insect pack your float?

VANESSA:

- Yes.

SECURITY GUARD:

Has it been

in your possession the entire time?

VANESSA:

- Yes.

SECURITY GUARD:

Would you remove your shoes?

(To Barry)

- Remove your stinger.

BARRY:

- It's part of me.

SECURITY GUARD:

I know. Just having some fun.

Enjoy your flight.

(Barry plotting with Vanessa)

BARRY:

Then if we're lucky, we'll have

just enough pollen to do the job.

(Flash forward in time and Barry and Vanessa are flying on the plane)

Can you believe how lucky we are? We

have just enough pollen to do the job!

VANESSA:

I think this is gonna work.

BARRY:

It's got to work.

CAPTAIN SCOTT:

(On intercom)

Attention, passengers,

this is Captain Scott.

:

We have a bit of bad we.

10/10 very helpful tip!

[amphtaminedreams]

Florida Weather, All Year Round: Lookbook No.20

Hiii to anyone reading,

If you have read any of my past trash, you know how it goes: I’m emerging from hibernation as if it hasn’t been half a century since I last posted, popping up on your dashboard like that glamorous, eccentric aunty you know more about from the family gossip than you do the woman herself. After alllll these months of living my best hypothetical Christine Baranski in Mamma Mia life, I’m here to say to anyone who hasn’t tuned out already: I HOPE YOU ARE WELL<3

^Let me just say, the above has absolutely no relevance to this post but I was searching for a Donna GIF and it just felt correct. 

To the point-that was very much a hypothetical scenario because god, if only being a groovy cougar in Greece was the reason I’ve had no time to post. The reality is either the terrifyingly quick pace with which life seems to move these days or awful time management skills. I think everyone that knows me would say it’s the latter but it’s NOT! I am organised AF! It’s probably all the unnecessary organising that’s costing me all my time in the first place. I fucking love making a list, okay! I’m a Capricorn sun and a Virgo moon! The stars doomed me to be this way!

What I’m trying to say is the gap in between posts (I hope the friends I don’t end up seeing for months know this too, sad times) should never be taken to indicate a loss of interest-I have, like, 4 different drafts on the go at once, none of which there ever seems to be time to actually sit down and finish. What started off as a 2020 films tier ranking and quickly became a 2020 AND 2021 tilm tier ranking looks like it’s set to become a 2020, 2021 AND 2022 film tier ranking. I’ve scrapped my alphabetically ordered F/W22 collections posts and have just decided to start a whole new A-Z for the entire year instead, and include the F/W22 designers I didn’t get round to in that.

Because as much as it pains me deep in my soul to not finish something in the way I started, EVERYTHING IS MOVING TOO QUICKLY. SO QUICKLY. This is a post right here that initially referenced the transitional period between summer and winter and yet here I am posting it in April. For once I am glad for the tempestuous nature of the British climate because given good old Mother Nature, bored of our planet destroying ways as ever, seems to use a coin toss to decide between warmth and artic rain on a daily fucking basis we have a bunch of outfits here with options that vary in their level of appropriateness by the hour.

I hadn’t even finished putting the photosets for F/W22 together when I saw that PRE-FALL 2023 collections were being uploaded. Kinda feels like the universe is giving us all a reverse c-section and sticking a foetus in our wombs whilst we’re still halfway through giving birth to a set of twins. I know I went perhaps a little overboard with the imagery there but tell me I’m wrong. May as well just throw in the towel and accept by the time I get round to doing a film-related post it’ll probably be along the lines of “Every Film, All the Films, Not Quite at Once: Movies of the 2020s, Tier Ranked”.

Really can’t believe I thought doing, like, one less shift in retail a week than during first year was going to be the key to me living the whole “dark academia” student life fantasy. I have some much nicer imagery for how it was all gonna go this year in my head: sitting in a window seat in a perfectly executed pre-planned outfit with a piping hot hummus and chipotle wrap and an oat milk cappuccino next to me in any given one of the literal hundreds of thousands of Prets lining London’s streets (which I can only assume double up as facades to hide underground dens where the city’s reptilian humanoid population of politicians and royals and oligarchs breed their young xo) because I managed my money carefully enough to get a subscription and my time well enough to where this would be the point in the day at which I would finish up the additional topic reading because oh, HONEY! I finished off that coursework WEEKS ago! Now onto leisurely drafting my 3rd Tumblr post of the week! As it turns out, any improved money management skills, skim reading abilities and spontaneous Pret wraps have been nullified by a crashing economy, an inhumane amount of course content and an ever increasingly horrible attitude towards food. But you live and you learn! Or in my case, you realise the only way you’ll ever get ANY posts finished is if you…repurpose them a bit and somehow merge about 3 of them into one.

It just so happens that with Spring sales (like…did we not only just enter spring?) in full effect already, the point I opened with in this post I started on Black Friday (I remember thinking how the fuck is it the end of November already and now it’s 2023, lol), still stands. Don’t even get me started on the kinds of prices online retailers are flogging coats for-I understand the temptation when it’s still THIS cold some days, I really do. Garments that boasted price tags of £70+ for their quality slashed by ASOS about 5 times a day with the cascade of emails reminding you to boot. I continue to feel disappointed by what’s actually on sale and tbh, baffled as to where half the stuff that seems to be reduced was hiding whenever I browsed said online retailer’s site on any other non-sale day. In some ways, the stars are kind of aligned by the capitalist powers of the universe that be because despite starting this post in September, given the elephant in the room of how the climate confusion is making playing into the hands of fast fashion and it’s constant utilisation of the “flash sale” all the more tempting, combining a restyling for the weather outfits post and a reminder that YOU DO NOT NEED BUY THE ENTIRETY OF THE MAKE ROOM FOR SUMMER SALE LINE NOW! is eternally appropriate. You may tell yourself that you still need these cheap winter clothes and sure, it makes sense to make sure you’re prepared with some layers but that nasty parka that’s going for £15? No!

YOU DO NOT NEED A WHOLE NEW WARDROBE FULL OF THINGS ASOS/PLT/MISSGUIDED/BOOHOO ETC. ETC. ETC. ARE TRYING TO CONVINCE YOU YOU WOULD HAVE BOUGHT ANYWAY! We do not need to help them justify their excessive production by making up the figures a greedy exec will point to in a boardroom when they’re arguing “it will all sell eventually but this is why we have to keep paying garment workers pittance! tehe! MARGINS, FELLAS!”

I know we’re talking ancient history at this point but to take it back to November, how is Black Friday-the operative part of the phrase being Fri”DAY” here-somehow now dragged out for.2 fucking weeks? What is a pre-Black Friday sale? What the fuck is “Cyber Monday”!? CYBER WEEK!?! Madness, luv. Despite all the delays, at least this post will be out in time to talk you out of making final clearance sale purchases because they are the worst of the worst. This is what they’ve been trying DESPERATELY to get rid off since then.

Time flying by may partially be a me being overwhelmed thing but it’s not a hot take that the fast fashion cycle is getting out of hand. On the one hand, when the FW23 collections are coming to their end already (I hate it but I also love fashion week, the cognitive load of this ethical dilemma is hefty), is there any wonder? But on the other, WHY ARE WE BUYING THIS SHIT. Retailers are banking on this mindset they've helped create which is that we’re going to buy as much stuff as we possibly can whilst it’s cheap so we don’t miss out on any trend before the next stock drop and “new office party goodies girlies xoxo’” 1). Not questioning whether we actually want it in the first place or 2). Thinking about how it’s the mindless buying of short-lived “trend” pieces in particular that are the driving force behind the sloppy mass production methods reliant on exploiting textile workers and natural recourses. Treat yourself, but don’t alwayssss do it by giving these people MORE money. Look at all these Depop/Vinted beautiessss I have liked over the last couple of months!

And some fabuloussss shops too:

If your good deed for the day is going ya know what, I’m gonna look for something like this on Depop first (if you have time), you’re winning!

I’m not saying this to be like “fuck you for shopping at ASOS”, YOU ARE ALLOWED TO DO THINGS THAT MAKE YOU HAPPY AND IF FASHION IS SOMETHING YOU’RE INTERESTED IN THEN BY ALL MEANS TREAT YOURSELF NOW AND AGAIN! God knows I went ham with the ASOS vouchers I accumulated from others over the Christmas/birthday period (apologies to everyone who knows me for having the 2 so close together, it was not my call to be born in the most depressing month of the year, honestly), but I’m saying when you’re buying stuff just because it’s cheap, the only people that benefit from that in the long term is people who are sat on like…mountains of benefit already. The irony is not lost on me that I’m about to use outfits I wore at the capitalist Mecca that is Disneyland to demonstrate my point that the idea a piece of clothing becomes redundant when it’s “out of season” is a narrative designed to line pockets but we’re not going to fix an entire wealth-dependent power structure by depriving ourselves of everything that brings us joy in life and unfortunately, I’m not going to disassemble Disney’s empire by boycotting the parks. The internet can bully Disney Adults to its heart’s content but I think we’re too far along for it to do any good at this point. Let middle aged people wear their Tinkerbell slogan tees in peace; I’m not one of them but it just can’t be denied those parks are a magical place where the streets are paved with childhood nostalgia. BTW, Walt, if you are cryogenically frozen somewhere and stumble across this post once they resuscitate you, don’t even think about co-opting that line. It’s my intellectual property now!

Anyway, not to get too off track (potentially too late on that one as well), but there’s probably no better evidence of how you can take pretty much any piece of “summer” clothing and make it appropriate for your standard, miserable English winter than the following attempt to restyle, with the help of Vinted/Depop listings only, the purchases I made specifically to wear to the happiest, hottest place on earth throughout this period of eternal suffering which is also known as November through to March/early April. Yep, we’re almost out of the woods, guys! Which means they can serve as a reminder for life sans 5 layers of clothing on top too. Continuing with the theme of reminiscing on simpler, happier times, I’ve done this through the VERY early 2010s medium of Polyvore influenced collages, mostly because I couldn’t think of any better way to do it. No, you won’t catch me welling up over old relationships and dead pets but watch me bring myself to tears reminiscing over galaxy print backgrounds and WeHeartIt. In case my yearning for the times when we could all collage to our hearts content without any expectations of turning out masterpieces wasn’t clear, please enjoy my very “graphic design is my passion” infused explorations of Photoshop too, which is to say the 3 other “summery” outfits I dressed up for winter which was the original basis for this post pre-decision to work the Disney wardrobe into it too.

-credit: floral background image from Tumblr user @happyheidi​, cottage image “, rain background image from Pinterest user @kiiiriin, enjoy nature graphic from Instagram account @jzcreativespace, DVD stack graphic from Twitter user @shawnmansfield, cute as hell graphic from Instagram account @thepulpgirls​ & 3 eyed woman illustration “-

Of course I added a lens flare effect and made my text 3D, baby! No doubt I’ll come back to this post and cringe at my editing at a later point as I did mere moments ago when looking back at the festival lookbook I did last summer, and as I did like 2 days ago before I made a slight change to this very image but we move:) To be uncharacteristically glass half-full about things, that means I must have gotten marginally less over-enthusiastic, even if the 3D text says otherwise.

But back to the clothes, everything shown is Depop, apart from a couple of things. For starters, the boots for the winter look are ASOS, who I’m not gonna lie, are very reliable for coming through with a wickedly chunky but always comfortable pair of shoes. I’ve always felt super self-conscious in a “statement” shoe, like there’s something about a thigh high boot or a platform heel that doesn’t fit that has me paranoid about looking like I’m a 5 year old girl that raided her mum’s wardrobe and got caught playing dress up, but when they actually serve their function, I forget that I’m not just wearing my dirty Air Max. Every now and again I’ll play myself a little mental rendition of These Boots are Made for Walkin, but that’s a break from the doom spiralling internal monologue that I actually look forward to:D The headscarf I found at a charity shop in the town centre, one of the few good things I’ve managed to pick out in the last year because despite their abundance I feel like the people who work in these shops have really misjudged their response to the rise in their popularity amongst “the youth” by moving towards stocking as many of the clothes fast fashion retailers sold a couple of years ago as humanly possible. Girlies! We’re here for the granny cardigans! Not Zara summer 2021! And then my beloved Regal Rose choker which snapped about a month ago and which I continue to mourn. My other Regal Rose jewellery were defo side-eyeing me when I bought couple of new pieces from there. Picture the cheating dad’s children’s faces as he introduces them to the new girlfriend. Barely concealed distrust and disapproval.

If the Disney content is gonna give you the same look on your face, maybe avert your eyes because this is the part where I welcome you to the visual recap of my foray into the consumerist Utopia we all know and love: Disneyworld! She robbed me and manipulated me into thinking all was right with the world for 2 weeks straight before plunging me into the depths of hell, but omg I’d do it all over again. Guilty as charged, I Iived like one of those Disney adults I just denigrated for 14 days, and returning to my normal form had me feeling like I’d just ended a toxic relationship. The delusion she’ll take me back one day is currently keeping me going through the hellscape my sister and I returned to the moment the plane wheels hit the tarmac at Heathrow airport. I’m not even going to go into how fucking terrible things are right now; honestly I just end up getting angry and hopeless and my existential dread anxiety goes into overdrive, and you all know anyway.

Day 1, 22nd June 2022: Magic Kingdom

First official day in the parks and I was whipping out the Levis. If you’re in Florida and you’re NOT taking advantage of the tanning opportunities born of 35 degree heat, then you’re just suffering, aren’t you?

This was when we were young, and naive, and thought we could last a whole day out in the park without becoming slightly deranged. 8 hours out in direct sunlight is a lottt. I didn’t wanna make this a “Travel guide” kind of posts because there are a million of them out there for Disney that are MUCH more informative than mine but if you do have enough time there, and you can stretch to pay the little bit extra for a park hopper, do it! Ideally, you get there for early hours, go on a couple of the rides whose queues be looking like the Dante’s inferno painting by midday, leave the park to chill by the nearest spot of cold water (hotel pool if you’re lucky!) you can find, and return later for a nice dinner and a couple of low key rides. When you’re in the parks at these quieter times, the Disneyworld app works like a dream; you can get an idea of queue times, pick fast passes for the typically busy things whilst they’re available which aren’t a ridiculous amount of hours in advance, and all in all just enjoy the actual atmosphere of the park that a bit of spontaneity allows. Treating it like a marathon where you have to do EVERYTHING asap is really draining all the fun out of it, and though you might think you’re missing out if you don’t get to go on one ride, trust me that the 7 family arguments ensuing at the end of the day in the scenario where everyone’s run off their feet and dealing with mild cases of sunstroke is a worthy trade off. 

Day 3, 24th June 2022: Magic Kingdom (& a little Hollywood Studios)

 -credit: heart background from Pinterest user Débora Marques-

-side note here: if you’re wondering where this sudden proliferation of vinted pieces is coming from, just have a browse on there, because it’s quick replaced Depop as my favourite second hand clothes recourse bank. It is definitely more affordable than Depop, has a lot less dropshipping, isn’t full of the Urban Outfitters/Brandy Melville resellers that inflate prices, anddd most importantly, has a search function which isn’t rendered completely useless by people spamming with unrelated hashtags to get their stuff at the top of every list possible-

The point is, Disney was a brief reprieve that should go against alllll my principles, but a bit of escapism is what my chronically anxious self needed. This isn’t a matter of framing this existential dread that stems from the state of the world and all the corruption and the suffering and the dying fucking planet (whoops, I’ll stop myself here) some self-sacrificial moral choice which entitled me to this ridiculously indulgent holiday, it is just a really unhelpful hard-wired personality trait that has me obsessing over the fact that we’re in the end times and feeling like there’s nothing we can do as individuals to stop it. If anyone wants to point out the irony in the fact that good food and quick thrills and fashion (insofar as spending your money in any big chain is pretty much fuelling the late capitalist machinery that is killing us all, ya know), something that this holiday managed to roll all into one, is like the absolute least productive response to that, be my guest, because babes, I know. But we all need to immerse ourselves in denial of the childhood nostalgia strain from time to time.

Day 4, 25th June 2022: Magic Kingdom

-credit: acrylic art background image from Instagram account @soleoado-

And childhood nostalgia is a little ruined by a full face of makeup sometimes you know; getting up early to do it resembles a responsible adult’s preparation routine for their 9-5 a little too closely for my liking. Accordingly, on our next magic kingdom day, I dressed like a child, and stand by my choice to do so because a collared blouse and a plaid summer dress still go hard as they did when it finally got warm enough to whack them out at primary school. Hard as in really cute and functional:) you cannot possibly commit to putting a princess level of effort into what you’re wearing everyday. At a certain point I just accepted there would be some rough photos taken on this trip, which would subsequently end up on my mum’s Facebook once I sent them to her back in England for the regular required updates and well…sometimes the ones you love the most have the sharpest knives <\3 the truth, of your sweaty face, hurts. 

I haddd planned to structure these Disney outfits in chronological order one day at a time but then I had the magnificent idea of doing a ride tier ranking and since I had Magic Kingdom on the brain from the first look I included I thought I’d lean into it and just go park by park hence the jumping around a bit from here.

Ride tier, I heard you asking? 

No, I’m not experiencing acute onset auditory hallucinations, don’t worry, just making the presumption everyone loves a tier ranking as much as I do; here they are for magic kingdom.

I’m! Transcending! (AKA. God tier): 

The kind of ride that has you walking off it like you’re auditioning to play Owen Wilson in the feature length biopic known simply as “wowwwww!” which constitutes 2 hours and 30 minutes of him saying nothing but that over and over again.

I am gonna start off tier ranking by cheating a little and giving Magic Kingdom as a whole my first God tier ranking. It doesn’t necessarily have any individual I’m! Transcending! Level rides if you’re a little bit of an adrenaline junkie like myself. It is something that is decreasing with age so I like to make the most of my ability to ride the speedy loopy doopy curly wurly ones whilst I can, lol. I used to moan at my parents for claiming they couldn’t hack that particular breed of theme park attraction anymore because of their backs and I have to apologise because I GET IT NOW! AND EW! As the thorny roots of a quarter life crisis begin to burrow down into my soul, I’m realising I cannot bounce back from being thrown around like that (tehe) like I used to. Many a mealtime was scheduled on the basis of how disruptive the digestive process can be to one’s enjoyment of a high speed ride.

But anyway, let me justify my bending the rules-Magic Kingdom, on a good day, is just truly magical. It really is like being in a dream. Whilst the different themed “worlds” aren’t in themselves conceptually groundbreaking (which theme park doesn’t have an ambiguously “exotic” world or a Wild West area), they are all visually spectacular. Add to that the soundtrack and the food stalls and the street performers, and when you’re not sandwiched in with a heaving crowd of sweaty, boisterous American families, the result is a totally immersive experience. Walking into the park and finding yourself on Main Street with the smell of the ice cream parlour wafting towards you, passing all these painstakingly arranged florwerbeds and topiaries and old timey store fronts, to end up facing a castle straight out of an illustrated fairytale book is an experience you can’t not associate with pure, child-like joy. I mean, once you go into one of the stores for a browse and see the ridiculously overpriced merchandise and think jesus fucking christ what a CASHGRAB this place is, you’re reminded where you are and the magic dies a little but there ya go. The initial rush of pure, unadulterated nostalgia is lovely whilst it lasts.

Don’t get me wrong, on a busy day, you could make a case for the park being demonic tier. You feel like you’re going to end up in a human crush at any second. Screaming kids EVERYWHERE. 2 hour queues for fucking everything, many of which stretch out of the designated areas and end up slap bang in the direct line of the sun. Our first day at Magic Kingdom was amazing until it got to around lunchtime and the crowd levels peaked, and by the time we sat down to have dinner in Disney Springs (more on that later), I feel like the intensity of the day hit us and the energy was NOT good. After missing the fireworks and riding Buzz Lightyear’s Space Ranger Spin in aggravated near silence, the chaotic half an hour wait for a single drink in the Main Street Starbucks truly pushed my sister over the edge. Honestly, these staff would not SURVIVE in a UK Starbs or Pret. It’s not out of the ordinary in London to see a pair of teenagers juggling a queue of 20 whilst simultaneously fulfilling a never ending stream of Deliveroo orders (as someone whose grocery store is SEVERELY understaffed and also offers Deliveroo, Uber Eats and Just Eat now, I truly feel their pain) and somehow, despite the obvious stress, still managing to get what is essentially a conveyor belt of coffee going. In the Disney parks, we’re talking about 7 members of staff taking 15 minutes to make 2 drinks. They are surprisingly inefficient at dealing with any surge in customers, it seems, which is odd considering just how many people do visit Magic Kingdom on a daily basis.  But yeah, huge potential for demonic tier if you’re not expecting it to be too busy.

The Inbetween(ers): 

The always the bridesmaid never the bride (also known as a Simon Cooper character study) tier.

Haunted Mansion: I will attempt to be strict with tier ranking principles from here on out (mostly), but before we move on allow me to assign a final questionable ranking of I’m! ALMOSTTTT Transcending! To the Haunted Mansion; I’ve gone on it a few times now over the last 18 years since we first went to a Disney Park because they have them at a couple of their other Magic Kingdoms, and the attention to detail is never lost on me. She’s an enchantingly spooky queen of a ride.

Why the haunted mansion is so close to my heart is kinda self-explanatory, on the grounds that I too aim to channel spooky queen energy. Like I said, it is an absolute feast for the eyes. I used to be scared shitless of it after riding the Florida version specifically as an 8 year old for on our childhood trip to Disney World and for a few years point blank refused to ride it at the other Disney parks. On those grounds you could probs call this a return to the scene of the crime, right? To be fair, these refusals were in the context of the adolescent period where I hardcore believed in ghosts and had read too many stories about people throwing their relative’s ashes out of their doom buggies. For a solid 3 years I had panic attacks in the middle of the night believing I was being watched by that devil from the first Insidious film, okay?! I know I was not the only one!!! It’s weird how as my love for anything horror has grown, so has my absolute skepticism. But being desensitised to the concept of fear at this point I just get to take in the sets and the projections in all their magically dark glory.

Bestie Behaviour (AKA. Good Tier): 

A reliable fave, not mind-blowing, but you know it’s there for a good time.

Big Thunder Mountain: always fun. Like never once have I gone on it and regretted waiting in the queue. Rode it one of the quieter evenings on this trip using a last minute fast pass (like I said, good ones pop spontaneously during quieter times so make the most of it!) and ended up sat at the back and tbh, if every experience was like that one, it would be solid I’m! transcending! tier.

Pirates of the Caribbean: l don’t know why this one is so beloved. I think it’s because it’is the one ride we have never visited Disney without riding so walking into that queue tends to trigger that sense of coming home.

Buzz Lightyear’s Space Ranger Spin: my feelings towards this ride are best summed up by the following Dee Reynolds quote:

Seven Dwarves Mine Train: cute and fun. Not thrilling but v enjoyable. Would I wait 2 hours for it now I’ve been on it again? Probs not. Not to drone on about it because I do accept that queuing is a part of visiting any theme park but there’s something about the WDW Florida queues that threaten to drain every last morsel of that child-like wonder out of your body. It sounds counterintuitive that Disney would be my dream holiday given I’m not the most tolerant of kids and their shenanigans but my godddd, are they annoying in the queues. It’s not even them I blame so much as the parents, like I get you’re on holiday but why are you letting them run around like rabid dogs? Still not worse than the dog owners that let their dogs lick your face and then tell you it’s because the dog likes you though, I will say that.

You’re Alright Babes xo (AKA. Mid Tier): 

Is to a Disney ride tier ranking what Boots’ offerings are to the Great British Meal Deal hierarchy. Occasionally great entry, but mostly meh.

Jungle Cruise: I guess this where stand up comedians who have fallen on the sword of controversy avoidance go to die. Ridiculous wait time too. But it did have all the trappings of a Disney classic which I’d probably appreciate more if it weren’t for the self-imposed awareness of the scripted element from watching Tim Tracker blogs for years (guilty as charged); in all fairness, our assigned guide shouldn’t be the one to atone for my sins, she was a natural and did a great job. She convinced me she was enjoying herself anyway so I did too. It COULD go in the update, I beg tier (coming up next) given the new Jungle Cruise films are the perfect excuse to build on a cool concept rendered slightly dull by age buut idk, I feel it would take the fun out of it and there’s no way they wouldn’t slash costs by using a Dwayne Johnson hologram to “move on” the staff. For the sake of their continued employment, no update needed.

Carousel of Progress: look, on paper this ride hits all the criteria for the update, I beg tier. But I can’t put it in there. The roasting potential of its current format is infinite.

Update, I beg: 

I.E requires Yassification™

Splash Mountain: what in the racially charged undertones is this hot mess?! Big ick. And kids ride it day in day out!!! Everywhere you look it’s like creepy animatronics! Suspiciously stereotypically race coded ones! And a VERY anticlimactic drop! Minus the lack of water which is just a matter of being a whopping disappointment when you want to cool down, the rest of these things make this the most emphatic update, I beg ranking that I’ll assign throughout this post. You can’t not feel uncomfortable or say people read too much into it with the claims made about this ride given the provenance of the theming’s source material. Bring on the Princess and the Frog rebrand! I’m usually against the classics being replaced (the Great Movie Ride facing the chop in favour of Mickey and Minnie’s Runaway Railroad or whatever it’s called being the PEAK example of this but let me compose myself before I rage about THAT) but this is very much needed and The Princess & the Frog feels like a modern classic that fits right in with the old Disney aesthetic anyway.

Space Mountain: This has the potential to be a great ride if they made it a bit smoother and updated the graphics . It’s giving X: No Way Out at Thorpe park without the 90s dance music and the really half arsed flashing lights that make it kind of endearingly shite. Like, the people behind that…they really, really tried didn’t they. They said, 90s warehouse rave or bust. And then halfway through the 90s, warehouse rave culture got stomped out and they were like shit lads…we have to wrap up this bad boy! But their serotonin receptors were so fried from all the ecstasy, the end product was a passionless endeavour. See, X way out gives you a NARRATIVE. It bears its soul to you</3 Space mountain just has me like ffs Disney you cheapskates. Because we all know they could afford to make an update in a heartbeat. Outdated theming? Fine. Sometimes kinda fun anyway. But when the ACTUAL RIDE feels like it hasn’t seen a safety inspection since its inception, any theming “choices” (or lack thereof) that may have been charming are just…crusty. To make it clear though-I DO NOT WANT A STAR WARS REBRANDING, I AM NOT A STAR WARS FAN, I’VE TRIED, IT DID NOT ENGAGE ME, AND I FEEL SMOTHERED BY IT. THERE ARE WAYS OF MAKING SPACE MOUNTAIN FUN THAT DON’T INVOLVE SLAPPING SOME BRANDING ON IT. Even the Paris version of the ride would be a huge step up, even if that one is also a bit indelicate with your entire cerebral cortex too xo 

Go On Girl, Give Us Nothing (AKA. Shit Tier): 

Think Kendall Jenner in every ad campaign ever. If you want to imagine rides as people, her FW23 Miu Miu campaign is the centrepiece of the moodboard.

The Teacups: I find that usually, with enough perseverance, teacups are a good time. Much like the experience of a dodgy fairground waltzer, you get out what you put in; a little determination can get ‘em spinning fast enough to have you questioning whereabouts in your body your small intestines are located. But I presume turning a child’s ride into an means of experimentation with the human stomach’s containment limits isn’t the desired function of Disneyworld Florida’s resident imagineers because they’ve made it incredibly hard to increase the violence of your teacup’s rotation in any real way. They look cute, and that’s about it.

DEMONIC! CURSED! FORBIDDEN! (AKA. HELL Tier): 

It’s giving Judith & Peter’s Holiday from Hell.

Tomorrowland Speedway: I always think I’m gonna enjoy this ride way more than I actually do, and the experience of queuing, which I can compare only to what I imagine the seventh level of hell does actually feel like, always overshadows it. It’s like all the worst behaved children in the fucking universe and their oblivious parents congregate in this queue. Reliably. If you were trying to get me to buy into the “everything is a simulation theory”, tell me that the fellow queuers are CPUs coded to be restricted to this particular domain by the universe who has become sentient and likes to torture the inhabitants for killing the earth like a sadistic child drowning their sims. I will forever resent that my sister and I spent our last night of our trip to EuroDisney in a 2 hour queue for this ride with a load of screaming french kids. 

Goofy’s Barnstorm: All I can say about this godforsaken ride to its merits is that the surrounding Dumbo circus top area was an amazing refurbishment for what used to be Toon Town. Even when I was like 10, I felt like Rose from Silent Hill (if it were burnt down by a toxic mine fire in the 80s rather than the Victorian era) walking through that place. Was about to say “Sharon? I don’t know her!” And turn the fuck back round.

-credit: meadow image from Tumblr user @happyheidi​, autumn leaves image from Pinterest user @ramblingreno, window image from Pinterest user @dawnpatrolkat, something beautiful is coming graphic from Instagram account @kiracyan.design-

-I’ll go with a quickie transitional outfit rundown here, hence the italics, because I don’t want to break the Disney flow; this absolutely gorgggg top is Jaded London, in an equally absolutely gorggg and very underrated colour (Michelle Visage is trembling), and for the hotter weather I’ve maximised its full summer-y potential with a pair of Topshop jeans (from Depop user @spicyclem) I cut into shorts, with an ASOS wide brim hat and platform sandals. For the cold, I put it with the endlessly versatile old chestnut that is my Topshop vinyl trench coat I got from one of their IRL STORES, HOW VINTAGE, a few years ago in the sale, and jeans from @catz987 on Depop, with a Primark beret (look, as an abnormally large headed francophile girlie, a cheap, roomy, unique beret is something I’m going to cave in to once in a while) and the long-surviving Missguided patent heels:)-

I’m sticking with this ride tier ranking thing throughout, so if you don’t care, here are some pretty photos^! I’m going to indulge myself in Florida discourse for the majority of this post.

Because although we don’t buy all that much into the Disney machine the rest of the year, it’s hard to deny the comforts of the classic films and there is something that makes you feel like you’re stepping back into that same magical protective bubble when you see the famous castle and the instrumental version of Be Our Guest is playing in the background.

See, I had no idea how to structure this post given the outfits are the focus and my previous full on Disneyworld holiday was when I was about 10? I think? And whilst the pre-teen version of myself and my current self had crying for like 2 weeks once it set in that a once-in-a-lifetime kind of holiday had been and gone in common (current me was shedding a much higher proportion of tears on the basis of the financial ruin such a trip entailed than 10 year old me was and my god do I miss that blissful ignorance), child me was not as intent on serving, or attempting to do so, as my current self is. I loved a mini haul from the Next catalogue’s kids section but wasn’t exactly out there commanding my parents to take an outfit picture for me whilst arm in arm with a person in a giant Minnie Mouse costume, a duty which fell onto my sister as sole travel companion this time round. I have no previous format to go on! Hence the choice to have it broken down using the most sophisticated narrative and visual devices I know of ride tier rankings, amateur (food) reviews, and a neat little photoset. 

Day 2, 23rd June 2022: Animal Kingdom

 -credit: patchwork floral image from Pinterest user Débora Marques-

So let’s go with the anti-chaos park next to offset the chaotic nature of this post. Animal kingdom is such a GEM, seriously. So wholesome. Usually the least busy. There’s SHADE!! And don’t even get me started on the safari. I really didn’t think I’d react how I did but seeing actual lions up close I got a little teary eyed; like they are REAL. And so beautiful and majestic. This selective affinity towards SOME animals is why it feels bad going into my Gordon Ramsay corner right here. Don’t ever let anyone tell you disordered eating equates to a hatred of food because 9/10 it’s an obsession. Let my food photography folder prove it:  

Could talk about food all day, trust me, so I’m gonna limit myself to a quick rundown. Firstly, you should know Disney food is fucking extortionate. The worst offender is Magic Kingdom. VERY hit or miss. For hits, there are some heavenlyyy offerings in terms of sweet takeaway snacks, if you’re ignoring the “Cheshire Cat’s tail” my card got declined over on our last morning there. It was effectively an 8 dollar glorified Costa Coffee chocolate twist (and actually, no way near as nice) which I then dropped on the floor. Did I eat it anyway? Yes. Once your card gets declined for a pastry in Magic Kingdom the concept of dignity has lost all meaning. That being said, I did the same in a Brighton a couple of months ago whilst trying to get a picture of my Urban Legend donut. For an ultra hygienic person, my standards slip when it comes to food. A suspiciously low calorie donut? Inject it.

Back to Disney and Magic Kingdom food highlights.

Funnel cakes, for example, slap, and though simple, nothing screams Disney childhood nostalgia to me like having an ice cream sundae from the parlour on Main Street. We did, however, have 2 of our most cursed food experiences at MK.

Casey’s Corner and Peco Bills. Named and shamed. The former had the misfortune of being assigned to the role of saving grace in a Magic Kingdom day that my sister was finding particularly demonic, and disappointed in every way possible; our first experience with Disney’s quick service dining, I came away having deduced that the name had to be a shit American take on irony, and not much else. I mean, my experience wasn’t too bad-yeah, the fries were underwhelming but I’d seen someone carrying a portion out of there on our first day and I think with my craving skewed goggles on they looked like the best thing ever. They became a fixation over the next few days, doomed never to live up to my expectations in a way that food you’ve lusted after for months rarely does, so I don’t hold Casey’s Corner in poor regard on that basis. But my poor, poor sister and that mess of a hotdog: bland, suspiciously chewy, and like, 40 minutes late. Tbh, that any food WHATSOEVER turned up was only after I decided I’d be the one to carry the burden of stepping into Karen mode, forcing myself to take a couple of staff members (to a gentle) task on the matter after being passed from one person to the next under the illusion said employee knew the location of the missing food it was I was on about and would be the one to materialise it. And ALL THIS because she turned up LESS THAN 10 MINUTES after the assigned pick up time slot which she’d had to get 2 HOURS IN ADVANCE.

And then there’s Peco FUcking BILLS. Which Disney are attempting by way of some unknown Google reviews filtering system to SILENCE ME ON! I will speak my truth, Walt! That place is fucking nasty! And all 51 people who viewed my scathing review will know it. Sticky tables, screaming kids, yet more late food which never turned up, which we again had to go and enquire about, only to find it had been sat on the side for god knows how long. Were Wacky Warehouses a UK wide thing? Or was it just where I lived? It was giving WackyWarehouseCore. 

To add insult to injury, it came WITHOUT THE FUCKING CHEESE. And then!! When I asked where it was, I was given sour cream instead. Had my finger trembling over 911 to resist reporting a serious offence. I guess this is how the Deliveroo customer we sent an apple and some fudge to as a substitute for a toffee apple felt before our manager forbid staff taking creative license with picking orders circa Halloween 2019. I mean at least they could make a banging authentic toffee apple, what am I going to do with some sour cream and soggy tacos, I ask? Honestly, people love an angry google review. We are creatures who for some time survived on nothing but repeated viewings of the “you have all the grace and decorum of a reversing dump truck” to keep our will to live alive. That this review wouldn’t blow up…it’s sus. It’s giving:

Silenceddddd.

Tbh, a lot of the Disney eateries are pretty gimmicky and overpriced, and there isn’t a huge amount to choose from, especially pertaining to veggie options. Don’t get me wrong, in terms of the dessert options and the classic American junk food we had inside the resort, there was plenty to eat that nourished my soul (even if it most likely did wreak havoc on my body). I’m talking the huge ass pepperoni pizza slices and ice cream cookie sandwiches, both of which were cheap in the hotel canteen, that had me ready to write sonnets to the employees handing them out from under the hot plates where they’d inevitably been sat for hours. But most of the time, anything that looked or sounded flashy or incorporated anything remotely exotic into its composition was just…lacking. The focus with Disney food is definitely geared a lot more towards the aesthetic and promoting the branding than it is about taste. Like idc if Planet Hollywood is considered tacky, I had an absolutely banging Guy Fieri burger there, and the mammoth portion of nachos my sister and I shared between us was mind-blowing, the stuff of dreams. It wasn’t pastel coloured or in the shape of Cogsworth the clock but it was GOOD AF. Overpriced, oversubscribed Disney restaurants can take a hike and in the meantime, I’m more than satisfied with a simple sugar dusted funnel cake. It’s the quick staples you can grab from the food stalls dotted around the parks that are going to get you through the day until you can go elsewhere for a proper meal.

That being said, I DO associate one of our Magic Kingdom days with what was probably our best meal at the House of Blues in the Disney Village. Do I think the experience was slightly elevated by the fact that this was the kind of pasta and starter I’d been depriving myself of for like 2 years previously? Perhaps. Was my sister’s ecstasy the result of her tastebuds making contact with meat again for the first time since starting university? Sorry to all the vegans I know, but the connection was undeniable. Things were never really over between those two. To quote Childish Gambino, if one is to ignore all the shitty things HE is referring to, THIS IS AMERICA. Where portion sizes are the only thing devised to satisfy all.

To briefly return to the outfits I shot at home (on main, whoops), I’m going to go end with the most “summery” of summer pieces I decided to try and restyle for winter since the September heatwave I was hedging all my bets on never came through and I never had a chance to wear it. Beyond disappointing. Summer 2023, I’m coming for ya. If you dare tell me this year is going to once again be devoid of the one positive of the planet being on fire in the form of being able to get some sun on the beach sans gross summer holiday tourists and screaming children, I may lose it. The absolute fucking shenanigans that plays out in my hometown when summer holidays begin means that September kinda ends up being the one month that I get to experience summer in the way it’s meant to be experienced. You know, being able to go for a dip in the sea without seeing a dirty nappy floating in the ocean alongside you or experiencing the pleasure of sitting down in the sand without having your bum cheek tickled by the rogue crisp packet hastily buried by the last tourist in that spot. I NEED my September. Or I get pushed into going wild on photoshop like this.

-credit: sunset image from Tumblr user @happyheidi, rainfall image from Pinterest user @inthehangingtree, clearing image from Pinterest user @SlayFits_btch, “one day at a time” graphic source unknown, autumnal graphic source unknown, city rainfall image from Pinterest user @kruuuuuu, flowers underneath from Pinterest user @99hly-

But quick debrief in terms of what’s from where, the dress was one of the new pieces from ASOS that I treated myself to from the Topshop concession. I can’t resist a tea dress for summer and as much as I’m sure it could be argued the print wouldn’t be out of place on their nan’s tablecloth (personally, it reminds me of her curtains), it made me feel like a princess, okay! For that same reason, I’m patting myself hard and fast on the back because I really love how the layered version came out. A vintage men’s blazer (Depop ofc), New Girl Order (love love loveee them, one of a handful of affordable ethical retailers out there) beret, more chunky boots, and a (faux) leather waistcoat with such a dainty pattern is that blend of hyper femininity and Brutalism (we’re applying it to fashunnnn now guys okay, not just Soviet era architecture) that was a running thread through the broody grunge aesthetic of the ‘90s that does for my visual satisfaction levels what the nutritiously devoid but absolutely magnificent tasting pizza slices I was on about do for my taste buds. 

And now what you’re really here for, some opinions on more trivial matters:

Ride rankings!!

Day 11, 2nd July 2022: Animal Kingdom

-background image source: THE EATERS OF CONSCIOUSNESS by JOSIP CSOÓR-

I’m! Transcending!:

Avatar Flight of Passage: So idk about anyone else but I distinctly remember all the hype around Avatar when I was a child? Adolescent? Honestly, I have no idea how long ago it was I just know it was long, I was bored AF and it wasn’t a PATCH on finding Nemo. But I’d like to thank Dylanisintrouble, one of the few people who still pique my interest when I take an accidental stumble into the derelict wasteland now known as YouTube (nuked by TikTok I fear) for enlightening me to the fact that it’s actually…quite interesting when you’re old enough to grasp subtext and free of, ya know, the effects of indoctrination which brainwash British kids into viewing the West as some beacon of moral supremacy who gently ruled and protected a happily subservient group of people. The Avatar anti-colonialist narrative flew right over my empty head. Maybe the more galaxy brained amongst us would’ve got it as children, but for me, the only mind blowing revalation I had was a mental ranking of the “3D TV” gimmick as occupying the go-on-girl-give-us-nothing tier rank. Not that I was actually formulating that ranking at the time-but if I HAD been. 3D television would cower in the face of Tamogotchi supremacy, I can tell you that for nothing.

Point being, Avatar was one of the first films to use the 3D gimmick as part of its draw and it most likely was, as well as a cash grab of course, a means of heightening the experience of immersion a CGI heavy project aims to achieve. It makes sense, for the same reasons, that the Disney ride is a simulator, but this time, I think it had the desired effect. Like it was truly something else, and there were multiple moments where my entire body felt tricked into thinking we were on this awe-inspiringly beautiful other planet. The motion element is excellent too, and again, you can fully buy into every rapid twist and turn and dip and the works as if it’s happening. My breath was taken away and I’m pretty sure I spent a good portion of the ride with my mouth hanging open, giving all the me sat in class being called out by my maths teacher because I’m “away with the fairies” memz. BABES, LEAVE IT OUT. How do you know I’m away with the fairies? Maybe I’m away with the avatars having scholarly thoughts about colonialism, mf-er.

We didn’t actually fast pass this one because you do have to accept there’s only so many times you can wake up at the crack of dawn to faff around on the app to get a reasonably timed slot; you can’t book one for anything else whilst you have a pass active and the rides like Flight of Passage go so insanely quickly that if you can get one, it’s typically not til the end of the day even if you are out here waiting on the edge of your seat the moment the park opens, putting in the work like a teenage girl trying to get One Direction 2013 World Tour tickets. In the meantime, you end up spending the majority of your day having to stand in blazing heat for hours for rides of the Go on Girl, Give us Nothing tier variety.  When the queues for EVERYTHING are long, some rides are more worth the wait than others, and if you’re going to spend a significant chunk of your day waiting for a ride, ideally you don’t want an anti-climax. Won’t say too much more about this one other than it being worth that wait because I think it is the kind of thing you should go into blind.

Day 13, 4th July 2022: Animal Kingdom

*yes, the 4th July-Animal Kingdom tends to be the least busy park hence our decision to visit it on this demonic day and my god, I can only imagine the kind of ungodly displays of hardcore patriotism that descended on Magic Kingdom. Didn’t fancy being taken out by one of the bibles or guns or hotdogs or prescription pain medication undoubtedly being shot from star and stripe painted cannons. It’s a no from me luv xo*

Expedition Everest: I adoreeeee this ride. Like I said, I went to Disney when I was about 10 and remember it being wild at the time; it held a special place in my heart as an experience that really made me into a little adrenaline fiend. My assumption though was that my memory of how thrilling it was down to age and lack of any taller or faster or more intense ride for comparison. After all, this preceded the trip to Seven Flags with my sister where we discovered there was a whole other section of the park we hadn’t ridden anything in with just an hour left of our day and thus made the cotton wool for brains decision to do our best to ride them all in that time. Not to keep referencing Sunny, but it was very Gang Hits the Water Park episode vibes and you know how that ended. In this case, our chaotic behaviour resulted in my sister fainting next to me halfway through one ride and remaining unconscious for the remainder. YOU DON’T REALISE THESE THINGS WHEN YOU’RE HANGING OFF RUSTY METAL BY THE SKIN OF YOUR TEETH at however many miles an hour, and I got my karma on this trip when I was finally defeated by a pair of my platform heels and got a 3 day concussion from tripping into the bath in them so...I’ve been dealt my hand. Order within the universe is restored.

Anyways, me attempting to assuage my guilt could take up a whole page so to return to my point,

Expedition Everest was as joyful an experience as I remember. SOooOo much fun. I had a smile on my face the entire time. It may be that as I become an old person (haha, shut up 24 year old making old person jokes, I hear you say! NEVER! My bones are fucked! I’m withered! I’m allowed!), my sensitivity threshold for the point where an adrenaline rush kicks in has lowered to pre Six Flags levels, but this ride really did have me screeching, holding onto my granny pants for dear life

Bestie Behaviour:

Dinasour!: Eurgh, what a camp icon. Like I love that even though they renovated it they kept the ‘90s PBS pre-ride exposition material to introduce you to the ride. I love being thrown around in the dark (tehe, not like that, this is a KID’S PARK!) with nothing to guide me but the overzealous narration of a man whose rent is in arrears. I love some unconvincing animatronics threatening to be the perpretrator of self-violence by way of exceeding their voltage capacity before they get anywhere near one of the vehicle passengers. And I love that when I come out into the gift shop I am directly transported back to being 10 and exiting the ride to a wall full of Hannah Montana merch, begging my parents for the high school musical version of Wii Sing (bestie behaviour ranking on 2000s gimmicks for sure) and being told I’d have to wait til Christmas. £30 seemed as unattainable then as it’s starting to now, tbh. But we’ll forget that little nuanced detail so as not to sour the nostalgia.

It’s Tough to be a Bug: JAMES CAMERON, TAKE NOTE: THIS IS HOW YOU DO 3D! And whilst we’re at it, Titanic is overrated af. Not the spiders dangling from the ceiling and the cockroaches under the seat terrorising me, no ma’am. What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger, I remind myself, as I screech at my flatmate from the top of the stairs to come and catch a spider about to run under my bed for me. It’s when you can’t see ‘em! That’s where the terror comes from, who knows what they’re planning down there. Little dickheads living rent free in central London, the cheek of it. Just because it’s South of the river, doesn’t make it any less of a scummy move. They don’t even pay council tax!

Update, I Beg: 

Kali River Rapids: Rip-roaring river ride the description on the Disney website reads-I think the fuck not! These were the definition of not like how I remember them. You’re essentially just queuing to get a bit damp. Ribena Rapids at Thorpe Park outsold.

Side note: If you’re British and questioning what the Ribena Rapids at Thorpe park are, I don’t know their true name either btw. But you know what I’m talking about-the question remains why on earth a theme park on the outskirts of London would have MULTIPLE WATER RIDES anyway but I’m referring to the classic water rapids towards the back of the park that may or may not have been purple one time. Thus, sponsored by Ribena. Allegedly.

Go On Girl, Give Us Nothing:

Navi River Boat Ride: pretty but like…throw some loop de loops in there!!! Fuck them kids, am I right?!

Nothing particularly demonic at this park tbh for demon tier. If there was, I don’t remember it because the vibes were immaculate. The quick service was ACTUALLY quick, I got myself a nice lil slice of pizza, and some amazing tacos later on in the holiday too, which made up for the Peco Bills ordeal somewhat.

Day 5, 26th June 2022: Hollywood Studios (& an Animal Kingdom intervention)

-credit: floral background image Pinterest user @yeehawlima-

Thank god this was the day we worked out we were entitled to the full park hopper fantasy at this point; although I adoreee the old Hollywood aesthetic of Hollywood studios, the queues are an absolute ballache at this one and for some reason I feel like the rides were constantly breaking down. It’s not huge and it’s super crowded and it kind of just feels like you’re being herded around like sheep a lot of the time with no pack leader in site, just a mindless flow of human foot traffic headed towards Star Wars land. I suppose apart from the main strips there’s not as much visual appeal if you don’t go to Galaxy’s Edge and whilst I feel kind of ungrateful that I was that near to something so many people want to see, we didn’t even venture into that territory. The avoidance may not have been worth it in a sense because this meant we spent far more time than expected fighting AGAINST the foot traffic flow, an experience leaning a little too far into secondary school corridors during class changeover levels of chaotic energy for my liking.

Don’t get me wrong, if it had been quiet I would’ve liked to see Galaxy’s Edge because I’m sure it is visually spectacular but the wait times were insane and being stuck in a stagnant mob in that kind of heat didn’t seem like a struggle bus I was willing to run for. I don’t WANT to get approached by someone dressed as fucking chewbacca okay, give me a break!!! If I wanted to have someone gurgle in my face I’d go round the fire exit at the back of my shop after all our wine’s been raided and join the shoplifters necking the own brand shiraz (always the wine I just tidied and gap scanned half an hour previously only for them to steal and smash all over the floor in the short window of time in which I dared to take my unpaid lunch break may I add). I don’t want envious children wishing me dead because only true, Dyson air filter level fans deserve an ewok’s attention anyway. Look, I’ve really tried to like Star Wars but I think the bottom line is I’m not really a sci-fi person unless it’s A). Sci-fi horror which is a niche but occasionally incredible genre or 2). Grounded in reality, if you can call something like Black Mirror or Arrival, or Nope though that is definitely of the genre, sci-fi. There’s my justification which I feel obliged to provide because I hear those Kylo Ren fans be going as hard for Adam Driver as the K-pop girlies on Twitter did back in the day.

Howeverrrr all things considered this has 2 of my all time nostalgic Disney faves in the form of Rock 'n' Roller Coaster & the Tower of Terror. Given they have them both at Paris, they also feel like a staple but whereas pirates of the Caribbean is bestie behaviour, I’m gonna award these 2 with:

I’m! Transcending!

Rock 'n' Roller Coaster Starring Aerosmith: Just found out we visited right in the nick of time to ride this one because they’ve just closed it for refurbishment, which tbh, it probably does need because it seemed to be down a LOT. I know that should warrant an update, I beg ranking, perhaps, but I just couldn’t do it to this bad boy, plus both experiences of being in the queue when it shut down gave me real insight to the MACHIAVELLIAN INNER WORKINGS of Disneyland staff so like…did this ride’s inconsistency hurt my experience? No! It added intrigue! Conspiracy! Company politics! This was akin to being a fly on the wall at a Christmas office party and isn’t that something we all wish we could be just once?

On both occasions the ride essentially couldn’t launch because from what I gathered in these instances, once the overhead harnesses are down, you can’t get them back up without switching off the ride and restarting it,  and people asking to get off at this point (which was the case in both debacles) are like public enemy no.1 to employees. And I have sympathy to some extent- telling a holding bay full of fed up parents and grumpy children the ride is down and that they have to go and come back would inspire the fear of god in me too. But they switch up from “have a nice day y’all” to the ends justify the means reeeeal quick. I really watched a microcosm of American politics play out in real time guys, these cast members demonstrated exactly why they’re called “cast members” because the masks were off and the gloves were OUT. The Disney employee to Logan Roy pipeline was one I never anticipated. This lot were out there “accidentally” negotiating with the person having a full on panic attack like just loud enough that the pointed overhead announcements about there being a delay played like a very unsubtle Twitter indirect on the timelines of the other guests. They really visually identified a target for the angry queuing masses, made their suggestive comment and watched the public shaming commence like:

I mean I don’t know if it worked because we left the queue (it happened on our last night and the vibes were rancid so we were not about that life) but the comrade passenger was staying strong and the suits were flocking to the control panel to yell at the employees. The chain of shouting (putting a name to this cycle and the cheerleader effect, of which the Love Island casa amore teaser demonstrates in action, is the only thing of value HIMYM added to my mental lexicon) was playing out in real life. I wish I could say a public awakening happened right there but alas. It was like me watching Avatar at 8 or 9 or whatever, anti-colonialism going right over my no thoughts head empty noggin. The Disney capitalist agenda wins again. All the same, between the raging soccer moms spreading word of unruly guest around with the gusto they usually reserve for the dissemination of the tidbit about Karen cheating on Brad with Helen’s husband Ken or whatever, and the proliferation of Disney suits forming huddles to aggressively whisper about how to handle the situation  (I imagine the meeting where it was first propositioned to release a film called Frozen to bury all the Walt Disney cryogenically preserved conspiracies had the same vibe)…let’s just say it was an experience, even if it did fail to lay the groundwork for a Disney employee Marxist uprising where they all have their Kylie Jenner like…realising things moment of what they’ve become for the mouse man. 

Tower of Terror: What really always takes ToT to the next level is those staff that go full theatre student with it and shut you into that elevator with MENACE. You go girlies. Couldn’t be me. Don’t have the acting chops. I’m more Razzie than Oscar material.

Bestie Behaviour!

Toy Story Midway Mania: Innovative and fun as fuck, maybe even I’m! Transcending! levels of fun, relegated mostly because it seemed to be broken down half the time and also because I couldn’t manage to retain my legendary buzz light year induced accuracy of aim either. Truly, this one shattered any hope there’s some semblance of a somewhat decent sportswoman hidden deep within me. Exposed me as one of us compulsive cardio girlies who avoid weights at the gym like the plague with all the arm strength needed to keep going.

Slinky Dog Dash: I wouldn’t wait 2 hours and base my whole day around getting on this ride again (my sister was VERY set on it) but it was really fun! And I don’t feel like I wasted my time.

Muppetvision 3D: Outcamps Dinasour I fear. The Miss Piggy water fountain outside the entrance just gives it the edge. 

Those are really my only stand out rides for this park and tbh, I want to create a bonus tier literally just called sacrilege because why the FUCK did they get rid of the Great Movie Ride in the Chinese Theatre, such appropriate use of the location, for Mickey and Minnie’s runaway railway which could’ve gone anywhere. Look, I can see it’d be great for children. And yes, I if I had been able to ride the Great Movie Ride again I would’ve no doubt put it in update, I beg because it DID need an update. Conceptually though, the park NEEDS IT?! WHAT IT DID NOT NEED WAS TO BE TAKEN OUT THE BACK AND SHOT LIKE AN OLD RACING HORSE. IT ENCAPSULATED EVERYTHING THAT PARK WAS!!! I’M STILL SO MAD. Alternative bonus tier names include: how dare you stand where he stood?!? 

No demonic tier. Just plain disappointment. And very spenny restaurants too?! 

We went full trash on our first day here and ate at planet Hollywood and as much as I’m sure Americans eat there ironically or whatever, fuck u guys, we don’t get challenge sized portion nachos in England:( laugh at Guy Fieri all you want but I TAKE PEOPLE AS I FIND THEM AND like I said, HIS BURGERS ARE FUCKINg great! I’ll happily substitute a beef burger for a plant based burger back home but the veggie burgers in the Florida are so bland with their toppings and these monster things are the false promise of the American Dream in a brioche bun. Also!! The milkshakes!!! Possibly my fave dessert-y things of all time which tbh I freak out a bit about eating nowadays. This slapped. So did the drunk birthday boy who used the ambient music as karaoke at supernaturally loud volumes because man was on the SECOND FLOOR!! I believeee this is also one of the days we tried Blaze Fast Fire’d Pizza which was everything I wanted n more, luv ya, very much needed. Subway for pizza, what a concept.

Day 7, 28th June 2022: Universal Studios

-butterfly image source unknown-

Our first day at Universal and my first of the concussion induced haze. An amazing day for food, a bad day for comprehension of my surroundings xo and this one took us out, I can’t lie. I am SO glad I advocated for a pool day after.

I think one thing we realised is that there isn’t a huge amount to do at this park, and the queues are long af, potentially for that reason. This was also the day when we got trapped in the giant chocolate shop for about an hour and a half because that infamous Florida torrential rain kicked in. But damn I ate GOOD. Crepes, brownies, ice cream, Voodoo Donuts (v good but no Donut Time), Hard Rock Cafe which never disappoints, I made up for months worth of restriction driven cravings and felt really fucking sick but hey, old binging habits die hard.

I will say about this park: don’t bring a hat? Or sunglasses? The thrill rides give you free lockers but they are tiny and a faff. Also, come up with some in-queue entertainment because you also can’t bring phones on rides either. My sister and I can entertain (well, as much entertainment as the “list every actress beginning with A and whoever gives up first loses” game can possibly provide) ourselves pretty easily without material recourses at this point.

Ride tier ranking is weird because my experience of everything we went on during our first Universal Resort day was kinda distorted by a (concussion related) banging headache; I can tell the new raptor ride is amazing but I felt like my brain was going to explode out of my skull, lol. Concerning levels of pain, but fuck paying for an ambulance in America. I’m here for a good time not a long time & what better way to go. But anyways, I figured even though we did things in both parks on both days I would just split them into 2 and leave out the Islands of Adventure rides for this day.

I’m! Transcending! 

The only ride that falls into this category here is the Gringotts ride and this definitely wouldn’t have been in this category the first time I rode it. When we came in 2014, it had just opened, and given we had one day in each park and a half day split between the two, and one day at Disney, we definitely begrudged a queue more. This was also on our second to last day. I think we spent 3 hours queuing and I suppose in that time your expectations get really high. To add to that, I remember being under the impression it was a thrill ride, like dramatic acceleration, corkscrews etc. which I was thirsty for at the time. Think I just wanted to flex, not that I really had anyone to flex to. But a big part of the experience is definitely the VR element and I wasn’t fussed about that. It was alsoooo pre JK Rowling outing herself as a transphobe and I was definitely more of a HP loyalist so I was all pissed off about the voice actress who stood in for bestie Emma Watson.

Point being, my sister and I rode this ride at the end of our second day once we’d gone on everything we wanted to go on because the queue was short and we had never thought it was BAD, just disappointed and peeved about the queueing time.

And on this occasion, omg, what a blast!!! Idk if they updated it but it was so fun!! It wasn’t super physically thrilling but definitely some little “oop! Oo! Alrighty then!” Moments I didn’t remember from last time. Emma Watson voice actress babes-ya did a great job, I’m sorry I trash talked you xo Domnhall Gleason, I’m sorry for all the times I said you had no range. In that Gringott’s vault, ya took me there. 

Bestie Behaviour!

Men in Black: I love a point and shoot and I love Will Smith. There’s a bit when you spin round everywhere as well, heh. We also ran onto this bad boy. Loves it. 

The Horror Makeup Show: This one verged a little on the boomer humor “omg can I say this?! Will I be cancelled?!” at times; like buddy, you’re performing a pre-approved script at the multi-million dollar generating theme park of an international mega corporation but sure. Your jokes about Mexicans have you fearing for your livelihood. That slightly unsavoury element aside though, as a horror fan, it’s good fun, and I love anything that highlights how much of an art form horror can be. I’ve said it a million times but the dismissal of the genre by film critics makes me wanna throw hands!!!!

Too Fast Too Furious: The bad acting. The accelerations which may hold the world record for most tepid launch second only to my performance on the 100M at school sports day the years I didn’t manage to “sprained ankle” my way out of participating. The musical stylings of the great composers responsible for “Turn Down for What”. It’s got it all. The playlist had me shaking in my boots on behalf of Hanz Zimmer. Step up your game or your career is in TROUBLE. The absolute drama and shenanigans of it all. Camp af. 

Update, I Beg:

Race Through New York Starring Jimmy Fallon: Look, everything about this ride was enjoyable and I liked that we got to sit down during it because this was post Hollywood Rip Ride Rockit concussion related headache. But update because…why Jimmy Fallon? Why? Look, if you’re going to go knobby talk show host at least go full knobby talk show host and theme it around villainous AI James Corden or something. 

Revenge of the Mummy: In the literal sense, because that ride is fun and it was closed for refurbishment.

Universal's Animal Actors on Location: okay, so this apparently isn’t being updated any time soon on account of the fact it’s been permanently closed, lol. But it was time. They have been doing this exact same show for so long that even the ANIMALS were tired. Honestly, I still don’t know if it was part of the show, like an ambiguous badly executed gimmick or genuine chaos, but they genuinely seemed to cut this short because the animals were just wilding, running off stage, refusing to come out. Even the dogs, which has me convinced it wasn’t intentional; I’d expect it from cats, it’s part of their charm, but you know dogs are annoying people pleasers. They wouldn’t do that for an unworthy cause. Each and every non-human member of that cast was channelling Gemma Collins “Get me out of here, Darren, I’m claustrophobic!” energy.

The nighttime fire work show could do with spicing up too. I mean maybe my sister and I picked a bad angle but we just got absolutely drenched and had to take a stab in the dark at what was going on because we couldn’t see shit on the water projection.

DEMONIC! CURSED! FORBIDDEN!:

Hollywood Rip Ride Rockit: Oddly, my recollection of this one before re-riding was that it was great. When we went to Florida (tried to do 3 Disney parks with a one day ticket, now that was demonic) in 2014, we rode it for the first time and I had fond memories-I remembered it as kinda being like the Saw at Thorpe Park minus the ricketyness plus the absolute bop that is Glamorous by Queen of slick runs whilst cartwheeling on stage and peeing during performance, Fergie. But this time:

Demonic.

And it wasn’t a case of just concussion induced headache because my sister agreed. We did pick a Kanye West song to listen to though so maybe it was the bad vibes from that. Moral of the story: always stick with Fergie.

Also, if I can offer you like 2 tidbits of helpful information that may be the kind of thing you would brush off if you’re reading it in an official guide but that I want you to know has serious day ruining potential: be equipped for the rain. Sometimes it is COLD. British rain. It is TORRENTIAL. And there was more than one day it lasted multiple hours. But honestly, if you get a poncho on, stick out the rain somewhere (maybe even pop back to the hotel during that time), post rain parks are unbeaten because you really do have the place semi to yourself. You need a poncho if you plan to stay out and do NOT scrimp on price.

Also-do NOT leave the park when everyone else does if you are not staying at the resort. The surge charges on Uber and LYFT were insane. $20 on the way there became $80 dollars for about an hour after closing and even then, when we managed to get a LYFT it was still closer to the $40 mark. 

Day 10, 1st July 2022: Universal’s Islands of Adventure

-credit: graphic background from Pinterest user @sunshine_jan-

Now, to hop over to Islands of Adventure, which I would advise going to if you can only visit one of the two Universal Resort Parks:

I’m Transcending!

Velocicoaster: Look, I blacked out for a good proportion of this ride and genuinely spent a significant conscious portion worried I was going to have an aneurysm. In a sense am I lying when I slip this into the I’m transcending tier? I would wager a conviction that these constituted my final moments warrants its classification as an altered state of consciousness.

So truth be told, it was not an enjoyable experience for me PERSONALLY. But I can tell it would’ve been in the absence of minor brain trauma. Like it was SO smooth, SO fast, fucking INSANE views, like the works. Probably best ride I’ve ever been on material. Our car pulled back up to the queue at the end with the riders clapping like British holidaymakers touching down in Maga at the end of their EasyJet flight. My sister said it was incredible. So like, I KNOW this ride deserves a place in this list and it feels like an injustice that my silly, silly platform shoes should take away that honour. Think of it like when you try a food that you don’t like and it’s super rich and decadent and you just KNOW if you WERE a fan of that food it would be like, top tier quality.

But essentially, it is a potentially god tier ride bur need to go again to confirm. Moneh me. Please.

Hagrid’s Magical Creature Motorbike Adventure:  The queue for this ride seriously tested mine and my sisters relationship. I think we had like 30 years worth of familial tension in this one queue. I’ve always thought that if, minus the infamy, I got the opportunity to be a Big Brother contestant I would seriously consider it I would because it’s absolutely fascinating to me and tbh my all time favourite reality show (this is civilian Big Brother we’re talking about here, not the Celebrity one where all behavioural output is filtered through a sieve of decade spanning media coaching sessions) but damn being stuck in the passageways “underneath” Hagrid’s hut, told every few minutes there would be a temporary delay, then to be left waiting a further 45+ minutes, going round a corner to find an even longer queue….let’s just say it was giving Dante’s inferno and I was about one annoying child away from losing my shit. But we made it-and despite my concussion, I went on. And it was incredible. Magical. Thrilling. Removed the sour taste of JK’s transphobia from my mouth for 5 mins. Replenished my sister and I’s loving bond. I wish I could say cured my concussion but as my near fainting experience in Anthropologie in Disney Springs the next day reminded me, that was not the case.

Harry Potter and the Forbidden Journey: Look, nowadays, any time you hear the words “Harry Potter and-“ crop up in conversation, the recently developed knee-jerk reaction is to be overcome by a sudden sense of lethargy and anxiety provoked stomach contractions. Oh fuck. What new instalment has JK approved now to further tarnish my fond memories of my HP era? Let’s call it the Cursed Child Effect. The inevitable ramifications of retconning Nagini into a Korean woman.

But Harry Potter and the Forbidden Journey? The exception to the rule. Just pure immersive magic from beginning to end that feels more like a love letter from all those involved in the film productions to fans. It is a whole production!!! Even the experience of queuing has you feeling like you’re in a hyper realistic dream. The scary bits are actually SCURRY!! I felt TARGETED by those dementors, I’m telling you. I think they sensed the existential dread in me.

Bestie Behaviour!

Dudley Do-Right’s Ripsaw Falls: Also a slightly demonic queue buut this is one of the few water rides where they tell you you’ll get wet and actually MEAN THAT SHIT. And that drop!! is genuinely v steep like for real. It’s v fun and you WILL come out looking like a drowned rat which in Florida heat is probs just what you need bc when you’ve sweated enough to fill 10 love island water bottles within 5 minutes of entering the park, ya dignity is long past gone anyway. Bask in the Flushed Away of it all.

Go On Girl, Give Us Nothing:

Kong Skull Island: the visuals are verrry good but I can’t help but ask who really cares for King Kong? Sorry my man but it had to be said. And the animatronics in the queue…sweet Jesus let me tell you, this is Russian sleep experiment levels of insanity inducing.

Now, we must talk universal food because I did the absolute most here and crammed all the delicious stuff that, for one’s own health and safety, should be spread out over MULTIPLE days into about 8 hours. We’re talking Christmas through to NYE levels of sugar consumption, comfort eating leftovers and the chocolate you were gifted but don’t actually like all that much to fill the void vibes.

The pastry and chocolate shops are seriously just bloody milessss above Disney’s selection, which are pretty limited tbh with the same gimmicky Micky mouse treats that leave you with a stomach and purse full of nothing but disappointment. You for the first time understand the Katy Perry line about feeling like a plastic bag with a depth you never anticipated because the whole experience of consuming a Mickey Marshmallow pop has you resonating with a standard underfilled Walker’s crisp packet. Even more so after you consider that this daylight robbery was something you submitted YOURSELF to. Muggy.

The Universal treat shops, though, I would consider a day out on their own. CityWalk doesn’t have the vibes of Disney Springs but I would say despite being half the size it has a much better range of places..That ice cream shop, voodoo donuts, Cinnabon!! I die!! Just wish I’d been aware of the full range before I got a starbs, lol. Haagen daaz IN THE PARK!! This was my Eden.

Day 9, 30th June 2022: Epcot

-background image source unknown-

Back to Disney discourse for the final time, I’m signing off this post with my fave of all the parks: Epcot. I remember finding it the least exciting when I went as a lil girlie but I really had a new found appreciation for it on this occasion. Though on a slightly disappointing note, it was partially obscured by skrim at the time (not sure why!), the set up of the incredible world showcase around the lake is an absolutely stand out feature of the Disneyworld Resort; there is so much to see you probably need a whole day to fully appreciate it.

Whilst there are definitely a lot of parts of Epcot that need updating, it has so much potential. Not to go full nerd on main, but the educational element of the park gives it a huge edge. I’ve come to find that my interest in science and admiration for the natural world is something that’s grown massively as I’ve gotten older and they’re pretty much the uniting themes underlying Epcots various attractions which is very cool; ya know, though we humans are constantly devolving, the planet just consistently does it’s best in spite of that and holds so much beauty and power AND OMG WHY CAN’T WE JUST STOP FUCKING DESTROYING IT. One of the only things which makes me feel a litttttle more optimistic about this shitshow on earth is the scientific advancements (when I say scientific advancements let it be clear I am not talking about new iPhones and Tesla products) that are being made and the hope that one day these will make a significant enough contribution towards reversing this damage that it might finally tip the balance out of favour of the greedy MFs doing it. A girl can dream. Sure, the sustainable utopia of Epcot looks a lot like corporate greenwashing in the wider context of Disney’s unyielding status as one of the world’s most powerful entities but it’s probs the closest you’ll get to ethically pure motivations on their property.

The firework show, btw (or at least the one we saw whilst we were there) was incredibleeee; we saw it on our penultimate day at the park and it beats the Magic Kingdom fireworks 10 times over. Points to the latter for utilising the castle iconography, undoubtedly crucial to the surreal experience of seeing the MK fireworks irl and guaranteeing them must-see status on every Disney goer’s list…buuut, I can’t lie, crowd levels earn the experience a tentative spot on the demonic tier when it’s busy enough. We managed to catch them on our first night from one of the nearby hotels (very boujie, felt v out of place) after not realising you can’t actually take a shuttle bus straight from Disney Springs and running too late to get into the park, and it was a lot more enjoyable that way having also seen them on Main Street later on.

The audience at the Epcot fireworks both times we went were fractional by comparison, and tbh, this makes for a much better atmosphere. Plus, in comparison to its MK counterpart which is thematically dominated by the newer generation of Disney films, Epcots have a much more universal appeal with a mix of the classics and a handful of the most successful Disney releases from the last few years. I’m not anti “new Disney” but we really don’t keep up to date with everything they bring out, and so I had no idea what the narrative behind the MK fireworks were half the time. The Epcot show did this country by country thing and had something for everyone, and really only incorporated the most popular newer releases like Princess & the Frog, Coco, Moana, which tbf are the only Disney films in recent years that do stick out to me as being classics. 

Now, if you can manage your excitement (something’s telling me that won’t be too arduous a task)  I’ll get into the last of the ride tier rankings:

I’m! Transcending!

Guardians of the Galaxy: Cosmic Rewind: one negative thing I will say about this ride-Utter ball ache to get on. Like maybe the whole thing runs a lot more smoothly now but when we were there, I guess the ride was still relatively new, and they had a bit of a ticketmaster sitch going on where you have to use the app to get yourself a “queuing window”. They weren’t taking walk ons so there was no way around it. In a sense, it’s a good idea because I imagine otherwise there’d be queues upwards of around 4 hours but it does kind of require you to base your whole day around getting on this one ride. If that time slot is fixed, that would be alright, but the major issue we had was that they kept pushing this window backwards and forwards and they only give you one hour to get in the queue once you’ve been alerted. This isn’t always achievable depending on whereabouts in the resort you are and then if you do miss that time slot you’ve got to do it all again at 7am the next day to try and get a new time. 

In our case, we were out having our nice little dinner (this being after they’d moved our session to later on in the day several times), thinking we wouldn’t be going on the bloody thing for about 2 hours only for them to suddenly notify us our hour window had been pushed forwards to like…right that second. The result was having to take a panicked and expensive Uber there whilst I sat with the suboptimal status of a stomach full of pizza and ice cream.

Yeah, our first attempt was a partial failure because by the time we got to the front of the queue, I was hit with the double whammy of concussion after effects and resignation to the fact that if I did ride that thing I may end up coated in my own half digested mozzarella. We did ask the staff if I could just wait it out a little and so we stood to the side but then we had an experience reminiscent of the occasion I ate at the Gloria Trattoria offshoot of the Big Mamma restaurant group in Shoreditch where I had a member of staff coming over to try and chivvy us on every 2 minutes. No solidarity with the cleaners from cast members, clearly. When I asked for water, they said they didn’t have any, clearly so as not to violate the policy of you don’t get nothing for free, hoping I’d pay $5 and once again feel obligated to tip for a bottle of Dasani water but beloved, I was having none of it and after expressing skepticism matey emerged with a bottle of water. Alas, the peer pressure for me to get on the ride ASAP continued. This is not the type they warn you about in PSHE, kids. Disney employees have a way of admonishing you for non-compliance without uttering a single berating word. It’s all in the false peppiness. So I sat it out on this occasion whilst my sister rode. She hyped it up enough that we tried the whole virtual queue thing again with the expectation that it’d be a drop what you’re doing and get to Epcot now situation and so I did finally manage to ride it. ARGH, IT WAS SoOoOooo good, wow wow wow. So fun. I know, this has been my ride description for pretty much everything in this tier, resting on wows as only a writer responsible for Cassie Ainsworth’s Skins s1 dialogue would, but honestly, nothing better sums this one up. Think perilous Disco in space. Who wouldn’t love that!?

Test Track: Slightly questionable I’m! Transcending! ranking because it can’t possibly match up to Cosmic Rewind (up there w/Hagrids as unforgettable) but again, just fun af, and you get to design your own car! We tried our hand at yassifying a monster truck, at which I think we did a sublime job, and if you saw our car’s confidence, charisma, nerve and talent as she breezed around the track in the little interactive racing game at the end, I’m sure you would agree with me. A true victory for my inner Barbie/Bratz loving child, and a significant victory for the bimbofication agenda.

Soaring: Okay, the feet of the people in the row in front dangling in down does hinder the illusion a little but in amongst the chaos of Disney, Soaring is a truly blissful experience. Visual ASMR, fr.

Bestie Behaviour!

Remy’s Ratatouille Adventure : The sights! The disconcerting experience of being an “I’m smol; please help me, tehe!” girly! The smells! I didn’t know for sure there WERE gonna be smells but I had a hunch and I wasn’t disappointed! Justice for Remy and all those who mistakenly refer to him as ratatouille! That’s NOT HIS FUCKING NAME as Katie from the Ting Tings (remember them) once said, minus the expletive.

Go On Girl, Give Us Nothing:

Gran Fiesta Tour Starring The Three Caballeros: What ARE the three caballeros? WHY does the Tim Tracker hype this one up so much? Perhaps my bad to live and die by the words of a Disney Youtuber like they’re scripture but I was severely disappointed! To quote pop culture icon Nikki Grahame (whose name I never wanna see forgotten, btw): Who IS she?! Where did you FIND her?!...Or... them? in this case? Because fr fr, what is the narrative of this ride? Who are these ducks!? Donald is the most irrelevant one of the main characters let’s not lie to ourselves; they try to convince us we care but cmon, Daisy’s the one we’re here for.

There ARE defo demonic rides at this park-when we came for the day in 2014 I made the mistake of going on the “intense” version of mission space and I swear my stomach turned in on itself, so we avoided that on this occasion. But given we skipped out on such an experience this time round, our Epcot days were 10/10. The amount of photo dumps it would take to convey how magnificent the world showcase is...I truly had to limit myself. Plus we probs had our best in-park meal here: the French Bistro burger at the Connections Eatery truly confirmed how CHALDISH I was refusing mushrooms for so long. In a burger?! So many lost years.

To end the post with me gassing up mushrooms in this way would be a great reflection of my mental state because I truly am in my mushroom appreciation era but to round it all up, here’s some adminny stuff. A girl’s gotta do what a gorl’s gotta do when she’s completely incompetent in terms of her ability to post regularly.

For one, like I said, I’ve decided to just cut the A-Z of F/W short and just start a year in fashion post which is gonna encompass all of the shows/collections (and rather than repost the F/W collections I actually got round to making I’ll link them) I missed in 2022 because tbh I’ve just accepted that whilst I’m studying it is impossible to keep up with all of it on a season to season basis?!? I can’t lie, if would be a lot easier to keep on top of if tumblr didn’t have their ridiculoussss “no female presenting nipples” rule or whatever that is which means I have to go back and check every photo set to check I don’t need to photoshop out a tata before I can post it. But yeah, guess now term has finished, and it’s only exams to go, I can get back to fun writing again. I fucking suck at psychology essays. They are painfully dry. Like, I hate referencing. I hate being told a study is too old when these lecturers be referencing studies from the fucking 80s in their slides from 2020. I hate that you can’t betray even a whiff of your opinion in your writing. That I got penalised for writing DNA instead of deoxyribose nucleic acid because “abbreviations are against APA guidelines” AS IF PEOPLE ARE MORE FAMILIAR WITH THAT THAN THEY ARE THE TERM DNA. Eurgh. I love the course but turning in an essay gives me anxiety every time. Maybe it’s because I can’t argue my point in them. Maybe I just express my argumentative bitch side in academia and I don’t like that I have to do that with a sense of sophistication now. I’m sitting in my psychology and philosophy module knowing I really should’ve taken the latter, having to remind myself that I’m already in too much of an existential crisis to do as my entire degree. Plus an entire year of maintenance loan short. Slight issue.

Much to think about.

I also do wanna do another sitting front row at post! And may incorporate a winter fits post into a just general faves of winter post because you know what, let the 2013 renaissaince live on, I used to love watching those things and writing whole ass posts about films, doing travel guides etc. is a commitment which would surely be quashed by the excessive amount of overtime which is bound to come my way once my manager realises my exams are over.

ARGH.

Finally, this 8 month in the making post at an end.

Feels good:D

Happy kinda beginning of summer and chocolate day anyone if you did the impossible and made it to the end of my ramble. You may as well have taken a whole philosophy and psychology too module tbh.

Loveee,

Lauren x