#hope it's ok I made it into a separate post! that's mostly because of my initial indecision and how my internet didn't want to upload things

[damngoodbabysiitter]

Tagged by: @stevesxyellowxsweater thanks lovely! <3

Four characters that make me say, “my man, my man, my man”

(Steve Harrington, Will Scarlett, Monroe, Merlin)

Tagging: @jennathearcher @einaudis @jammeke @0ubliettes @angel-in-a-big-blue-box @petitlexicon and/or whoever wants to do this?

[theapangea]

Missed You Too

Missed You Too

Steve Harrington x reader

Summary: You finally kiss Steve.

A/N: Ok this is one that I posted on AO3 after the end of the last season. Obviously I had to write something good for Steve because they do my boy so dirty!! HE IS NOT SOMEONES SECOND CHOICE!! Hope you enjoy my loves <3!!

The past week was a blur. You didn’t expect your first college spring break to end with you racing back to Hawkins to see the aftermath of what Venca…? One…? Henry…caused. You didn’t want to entirely believe that the Upside Down still existed, that the gate was still open after you all fought so hard to close it time and time again. That’s why you chose to leave Hawkins in the first place, moving across the country to get away from the horrors of that small town. 

But when Jonathan, Will, and Mike show up at your door, pleading for your help to find Eleven, you couldn’t just turn your back on them, not then, not ever.  

You didn’t even know that Joyce, Eleven, and the boys moved to California shortly after you did. No one bothering to stay in touch, mostly you didn’t bother to stay in touch. Almost like you intentionally separated yourself from the people you were closest to. You would never admit it, blaming the lack of communication on school. 

The truth was, you didn’t want to be part of Hawkins anymore. You didn’t want to fear for your life. The scar that Hawkins left on your soul made you paranoid, made it hard for you to live a normal life. Always looking over your shoulder, always ready for a fight. 

The drive back was like riding a bike, you could drive it blind folded if you had to. Everyone thought it would be best if you drove the last bit as Jonathan was barely able to stay awake at this point. The tall, full trees lined the only road in and out of Hawkins. Car after car rushing to escape the town as disaster stuck only nights before. 

Passing shelters, destroyed homes, police and media, all lining the streets trying to make sense of the situation. If only they knew the truth. 

The car swings around the curb, braking suddenly outside of the Wheeler house. You never thought you would be here again, at least not in this lifetime. Pausing, white knuckling the steering wheel as you hear the van door slide open. Mike, Eleven, Will, Argyle and Jonathan exiting the vehicle to be reunited with loved ones again. You take your time getting out of the pizza van, not sure if you wanted to see them, not sure if they wanted to see you .

Finding yourself staying by the van with Argyle. He was new, didn’t know about Hawkins and was thrown into this mess similar to how you all were. How could he continue to want to be part of this? Your gaze drifts down, your chest heaving rapidly. Your feet glued to the ground, unable to move from your spot. 

Closing your eyes, trying to regain a sense of self. It shouldn’t matter that you left then, it should only matter that you are here now . Some relief washing over as you repeat that you are here now, you are here now, you are here now. The held breath releasing as you scan the scene in front of you, the warm breeze picking up making you draw the wild strands of hair behind your ears. 

You watch as Mike hugs his mom, her eyes tender and soft, thanking the gods for him to be returned safely, stating how he is never allowed to leave home again. Her hands never leave his body, afraid that if she lets go then he will disappear without a trace again.

Jonathan approaches Nancy, both unsure of their relationship, both yearning for a solution - but still they hug, the sweet embrace almost made up for the long, angry phone calls and the absence spring break trip. 

Jonathan told you all about his Nancy problems, hoping you would be able to help. He didn’t like your answer of honesty and communication, joking how you were never honest with your true feelings for a certain Hawkins boy. Quietly commenting that you should have made a move a long time ago to get him to move on from Nancy. 

After all this time, you couldn’t believe he was still hung up on her. But maybe he was supposed to move on. Move on to someone who he spent all his time with, to the person he’d drop by at their house unannounced, to the girl who was so tired of the neverending nightmares that she did everything she could to move as far away as possible. Even if it meant breaking the heart of the person she was supposed to end up with.

And there he was…

Boy, was he a sight for sore eyes. The green-blue sweater with the rolled up sleeves to the washed out blue jeans hugging his hips in all the right places. The way his hair was so delicately placed, too messy to be considered neat, too neat to be considered messy. His eyes heartbroken, full of pain and anger. Full of every ounce of love that he is willing to give away in a heartbeat. Your soul aching for him. 

His hand placed on the back of his neck, clearly hurt from the unfolding scene between Nancy and Jonathan. Robin’s hand pressing gently on his back, guiding him away. 

You weren’t surprised that he still had feelings for her. A little annoyed, yes, but not surprised in any way. He would always talk about her, the way she laughed and talked and smiled. And it made you so angry back then. Realizing that the anger never left. 

He hasn’t noticed you yet, his eyes fixated on the ground. Probably hoping to finally disappear. You feel the same. You were two passing ships in the night too afraid to let the other one know you were there, constantly turning off your lights, constantly dropping your sails.

The situation between you both was left pretty rocky. You could never decipher the tension between you both, was it love or indifference? Steve was always there for you and even supported your decision to leave Hawkins, even if that meant never seeing you ever again.

You promised to call each other once a week, which did happen until once a week turned into once a month and once a month turned into dozens of missed calls on both ends. Leaving you both hopeless and alone. Both trying to figure out adulthood without the comfort of a childhood friend.

Before pushing your body away from the car, you look over at Argyle for some sort of friendly relief. After hearing Jonathan complain about you never making a move on Steve, Argyle has been constantly encouraging you since. To not wait for any guy to make the first move, to create your own future. You were surprised at his wisdom.

His kind smile helps ease your nerves as your feet move one in front of the other, your heart beating so loud you can hear it in your ears. The drowning noise of your blood rushing through your body almost makes you want to turn around. Run away like the first time - but you were tired of running. Tired of the ‘what if situation’ that danced between you and Steve. This was your moment and there was no way you were going to turn back. Not this time.

Walking down the driveway, Mrs.Wheeler silently thanks you for helping bring Mike back home safely. Her hand lightly squeezes yours as you pass. Your lips curl, barely a smile forming as your mind is elsewhere.

Nancy watches as you walk by, her body still wrapped in Jonathan’s arms. Her mouth barely parted, maybe she wanted to say something but immediately regretted his decision to make any comment. The strong bond between you both broke when she started to date Steve…then Jonathan. You were civil with one another but you’ve barely spoken a sentence in the past three years. Neither of you wanting to resolve your years-long battle.

Robin’s and Steve’s gaze are on you. Stopping right in front of the pair, realizing you didn’t have a plan once you got to this point. Robin instantly beaming that bright smile that you missed so much. Her hug was intentional, like she was trying to squeeze all the events of this past week out of you. Cleansing you of all the horrors. Your arms wrap around his waist, pulling her deeper, knowing you needed her in that moment. Her comfort washing over you, giving you the strength you so desperately needed. She releases you, arm's length away, her smile inviting and safe. 

Your eyes shifting to Steve. Swearing in that moment that he was smiling but immediately covering it with a cough and a snatch on the nose. 

She squeezes your shoulders before walking away, giving you and Steve a little alone time. Even if that alone time was in front of half your friends.  

“Hey.” You exhale, the tension growing between the two of you. The air suddenly still as his eyes studying your face, his fingers twitching every so slightly. 

In one swift movement, grabbing your wrist, pulling you in for a hug. The instant smell of his cologne filling your head, making you dizzy with the smell of home. No words needed to be spoken between the two of you. He was just glad you were safe, finally in his arms.

You missed him. 

Not just this past week, but for the past 8 months. He pulls you in closer, his body finally relaxing against yours. The breath of fresh air was everything you both needed, everything you have ever wanted, and everything you will ever need. 

In this moment, you were his and he was yours. Everything was right with the world. All the trouble of this past week washes away, your minds clearing, seeing a future with only the two of you. 

You both pull back, speaking in a silent conversation. Neither of you know how to respond in this situation. Both of you felt the buzz, the electricity, the love. 

After all this time, it felt like you never left. The feelings for Steve came crumbling back down. You thought this was your chance, your only chance . Your body makes the decision for you, as your hand wraps around the back of his neck, pulling him down to meet your lips.

Your breath instantly intertwines with his, every inhale pulling him closer and closer. Your other hand balling up into the soft fabric of his sweater as he deepens into you. His hand catching your cheek, his lips soft and warm, gentle yet demanding. The craving of his touch on your skin sends heat waves throughout your body. 

He takes his time, wanting to remember this moment. All the uncertain feelings, all the unfinished conversations, crashing down all around you both. Kissing him was the only way you could tell him everything you had kept in for all these years. 

He pulls back, resting his forehead on yours, pure eyes as he whispers, “I missed you too.” 

~~~

I hope you enjoyed!! thank you for reading and supporting me

[rhodesrider]

Gone

Yandere! Cody R. x Black! Fem! Reader

Author’s Note: Now this is total different from my usual content I post. If you do not like this type of stuff which is obsession and murder, Please do not read.

Warning: Once again Minors DNI / 18+ Only, Murder, Unhealthy Obsessions, blood, weapons, psychological horror themes, mentions of cheating, mentions of sexual behavior

You have been warned.

~

“I don’t get why would he just leave…”

Y/N sighed after her sobbing for about a hour, she sat on her bed looking at the note looking over it once more. Seeing the writing was rushed and messy, like he was in a rush. Her ex now MIA left her note and she’s been worried since the sun was up for the morning time. She was so confused in top of that because he was find the other day, he bought her flowers, they went out and watched some movies. They were having a nice time for once besides just arguing and spending the night in separate rooms. But the next morning hit and she was hoping to see him next to her but instead she sees a single note. “Everything was fine…” her mind was clouded, she couldn’t think at all. Just more tears started to fall somehow she felt like it was her fault. She was probably asking too much of him to where he just leaves from being overwhelmed in their relationship. She heard her phone go off and glanced to the side seeing that it was her friend Cody, he was a mostly a busy man, but he always knew when to call. She smiled some and picked up the phone, cleaning her face some. “Hey Cody.”

Cody smiled as he heard her angelic voice, “Hey Pumpkin, you doing good today? You usually text me after I get off work to see how our days were.” She smiled at the sound of her second support, Cody has always been a good friend to her. He listens to her venting and gives the best advice. “I know, I’m sorry I didn’t it’s just…he’s gone. All he left was a note. Saying that “You’ll find better” and more stupid shit.” She sniffled and wiped her tears away with a tissue. Cody sighed hating to hear her cry, that’s the last thing he wants. “Did you try his cell?” He asked as he smiled going on another phone, holding it with black gloves and scrolling down messages. “I have and he left me on read. I don’t get what’s going on. Did I do something wrong Cody?” “No no angel, your perfect. He doesn’t know it and I don’t think he’s ever gonna know it.” He smirked. The phone he soon turned off making sure the tracker was off and all. “Give me one second please Y/N.” He put the phone on mute and smashed the phone to pieces on the ground. Turning her back of mute he brought his composer back. “But yea you didn’t do anything. I don’t know why he just up and left you both were having such a good time yesterday.” She agreed fully. As she continued to vent and figure out what’s going on, Cody just simply put her on speaker and walked over to an open space in his garage. He stopped in front of a man, a man that was tied up and drugged in a chair. He just smiled and muted himself again while she continued to vent and cry. “She deserves better ya know? And you can’t give her that. I saw you trying thou.” His gaze darkened. “That was precious. Trying to keep her from me, I’ve been nothing but a great friend to her. But you wanted to be in my way. “Baby I don’t know he gives me weird vibes.”” He mocked as he remembered the times hearing him speak ill of Cody.

He unmuted himself, “Hey Y/N, have you heard from him at all?” He sounded so concerned, it made Y/N worry. “No I haven’t, he even turned off his location.” She sighed as she went to the Ifind app and it was still buffering on his whereabouts. “How about I come over and if we have to I’ll go to the police station with you as well if nothing comes up in a day or two. He can’t just stop all connections with you.” The boyfriend looked at Cody with somewhat pleading eyes, Cody just smiling at him happy he’s finally able to get his chance. “Thank you Cody, I’ll let you know if something comes up.” “Ok sweetheart, talk later. I hate it when you’re upset, hopefully he has a very reasonable explanation for this.” As Cody said those last words he held up a gun. Examining it and the boyfriend’s eyes widened and wanted to scream. The drug isn’t letting him. Cody hung up and kissed the gun looking at the dude. “You know, her favorite color is Green. Did you know that?” The boyfriend shook his head fast trying to defend himself but soon was pistol whipped. “NO YOU DIDN’T YOU FUCKING IDIOT. YOU THOUGHT IT WAS PINK.” Cody screamed in his face in anger, turning absolute red. “You are a waste to her and she still cares. I want that, I want her to care about me like she does for a parasite like you.” He calmed himself, slowly putting the barrel to the boyfriend’s neck looking in his eyes with a darkened deadly glare. “You are nothing more than dirt to the woman. I’ve seen what you are to her. She took care of you and you do nothing for her. She begs for you to go out, but you’re too busy. Doing what exactly?” He scratched his head with the gun and looked in the corner. “Oh wait. Were you doing her?” He pointed the gun to the dark corner. The boyfriend fixed his eyes while he could and stared in fear.

A body.

It couldn’t be who he thinks it was. “When I met her she was easy, I can see why you fuck her. She melted in my hands. She was vile.” He had a disgusted look on his face. “I had to shower and get tested after giving her a good time and cleaning the blood out.” He hissed. “I have to make sure I didn’t contract anything, condom or not. I wanna stay clean for my princess.” He smiled and got up walking over to the spot turning on a single light, showing the rotting body. The boyfriend started to shed tears, seeing that he might not make it. Cody smiled walking back over to the boyfriend and looking at his tears fall. “Weak. You were never for her.” He put the gun down and started to walk up the stairs going back to his home. He closed the door and got the key locking it shut. He checked himself in a near by mirror and saw some blood splatter on his shirt. “Hmm we can’t have that.” He went to go wash and freshen up for Y/N, planning to comfort her. Just the thought of being in her presence made him warm inside, all he ever thinks about is her. And he needs her, if he doesn’t get her no one will. But Cody doesn’t think it could ever get that far. He knows she’s just blinded by stupidity and she’s gonna fall for him. “I love you so much baby.” He sighed in the shower, where he had a cover for his phone to watch cameras. He was watching Y/N on the bed looking at her phone, crying and clearly in distress. “I’ll be there soon baby.” He started to hurry up and finished his shower. He got ready and grabbed his keys walking out greeting his dogs, he went to the car after and rode off to her home. Ready to be of service for her.

The boyfriend in the garage sat in the chair wiggling trying to find a way out. He kept looking back at the body with flies, tears falling in fear. This man was dangerous and he was gonna be with Y/N. He had to stop it. He moved the chair some and hear a contraption go off. He looked around but was too late feeling his knee go in. He screamed to the top of his lungs but no one can hear him. Cody set up a trap and it was highly sensitive. He sat there defeated. Crying and pleading god, wishing he would have treated Y/N a bit better than before. “I’m sorry Y/N…” it echoed in his head as he passed out from the shock.

He’s gonna have her one way or another.

[fantomette22]

GIRL HELP, now we are both in the club of people whose caring for Miquella reached its FULL form because of the DLC hfgfjgdbh I think what I've lacked this whole time was a coherent idea on what his imperfections and flaws were! Because "well you see Bewitching Branch is kinda fucked up concept" didn't give me enough. And I feel like I've struck gold with the whole thing of him not being able to accept Radahn's character development and nature as a warrior. It is soooooo wrong and reminded me of one of the ways to look at Gehrman.

It took me a few weeks but finally me 🤝 you at having the time of our fandom lives with Miquella now

I KNOW RIGHT?!?!?! Yeah it's quite crazy. We took our sweet time but here we are! 🤝

I mean maybe I wasn't way too much invest in elden ring because of the huge bloodborne brain rot taking all my time too 😂 But also Elden Ring is really a lot to digest! You and I really like details and to care about every lil guys! In Bloodborne even if there's lot of characters it stays limited while in Elden Ring it's just SO enormous O_O there's too much and yeah I didn't got that savage brain rot yet while just playing the game a year ago+

And I knew dlc was coming so I guess I didn't get too much invested either? Or at least it was inconsciently.

So yes during and after the dlc and after digesting everything I somehow really learn like Miquella! We know way more now and idk but it's even more interesting now!

Before dlc I saw him like : poor lil guy tried smt to become a god (pls don't it's gonna be bad) screw up really big time & he's dead now 😔 you tried your best... he was too good for this world rip

But now it's more develop! there's actually a following to that! he didn't just fail big time! for now😰

I said a few weeks ago I was gonna wait to finish the dlc and then speak about Miquella and what I think of everything. Well maybe I will do a separate post later but I think it's finally time.

So let's dive in (warning spoilers shadow of the Erdtree DLC)

I know it's a bit of mess between people thinking "I was right he's the ultimate evil!!! He's like Griffith!" (what 💀)"and people being very mad at other or distraught by it bc now this get shown into their face while they were just happy with Miquella being a kind lil guy, to good or pure for this world... I want to believe many people are actually very middle ground on this but hm yeah smt it's not good and quite extreme.

But if that can help (at least I will try here ) with everything we got I might have an interpretation that I hope, could help out a few people. I can't say I'm right, I'm probably far from it but I appreciate what I deduced and put together a lot! (in my head but still) It made me really like and invest more in Miquella character now! And it make me at peace with what the dlc brought to the table. I can accept that more well now. That made everything have more sense and made Miquella really have a bittersweet/tragic path & ending. And I am ok with that and I think others could be as well.

I like Miquella I think he was mostly good, the kindest between this darker lands. But he needed to changed, to grow to succeed in his goals right? Because he got stuck. But by growing up, discarding parts of himself to be a "better version" of himself that would succeed & become a god is what eventually doomed him in the end :

Miquella discarding part of himself tragedy.

This is just so sad and tragic. But it might be oblivious. He wasn't "strong enough" in his current position/eternal childhood etc So he probably thought that make the sacrifice to become a god would succeed in the end. A necessary sacrifice...that he would be stronger able to finally obtain his goals... But by doing that he loose everything that made him himself... without realising it... he abandoned everything. And the more he abandoned, the more he didn't realised he was loosing himself what he cared about... and how it was a mistake. (I suppose that Marika might have gone through the same thing now...)

Trina realised it at some point. That it was wrong,t hat it wouldn't work anyway perhaps. Is it really worth it? Is it really gonna work? Probably not... But it's too late to go back now. She knew Miquella before everything would probably not approve of what he became... of the dangerosity of what he could be...

That just... sorry it's just so tragic I don't know how to express it sadden me so much...

Bewitching people :

We already knew that he somehow "bewitch people" but it wasn't very explained in base game and really up to interpretations. Now we know more. And it sparks a lot of things...

I completely agree that you know, half mind control people and changed people thoughts and individuality, personality etc hm it's bad. it's no good to control masses. BUT but, I can kinda understand why Miquella did it! And I'm gonna try to explain that now.

Ok, imagine you're Miquella. You're trying to get people to join your cause. Of course like for exemple the crab hunter or farmer have other things to do than join your cause so sure you let them be. But then imagine you talk with smn and then they just hate you and is going to say shit to everyone about you and then they're gonna try kick your ass. Wouldn't it be better, even if that's bad on paper, to bewitching them? make allies your enemies?

You can't reason with some people at time even if you try everything, sadly. You can either go away or fight or ask a competent authority to stop them. But if you had a way for them to magically stop wanting to harm you and become more friendly / on your side wouldn't you use it?

Like it's bad but I can understand why Miq did it. But of course forcing people who were neutral bc you think "you're better" is hm... not great too... but it's not clear how much it happened and what went though he's mind. He probably thought it was a good thing. But no but can we blame him for trying to have better world?

And it's still not clear how his mind age but I do think he still have lot of quality/default of what any child mind have. He probably didn't see the wrong of everyone becoming allies and use kindness not violence to it. A child mind (mostly) is innocence, optimistic etc I do think he lost a lot by discarding parts but it has it's backsides. An adult would be more incline to find solution and act accordingly to treat but loose a lot of "childhood good sides" as well. it's quite complicated but nothing is perfect in this. You wanna agin smt you loose another you can't have everything and life's not black & white.

Also about Mogh. Yes he's not fuck up like that! But I understand why Miq bewitching him. Hm Mohg, maybe would have just kill Miquella to get his amazing blood for whatever purpose with the formless mother anyway. So of course Miquella did that to try to gain a potential ally that in other case is very dangerous for him. But still I think Miquella had to improvise after Mogh took him and then when the cocoon didn't work. Yeah I still think Mogh has a LOT of issues. He's not a saint and I don't think it went well with Miquella's plan to have been taken by him.

Radahn thoughts:

I mean I'm still a bit like : wu wut what but why??!!?!? confusion

But it's a bit better now XD I swear if the devs originally had another idea I'm gonna be mad! But it can maybe made a bit of sense. I don't really have much thoughts bc I'm still confuse about it but I think understand the point.

Radahn, when younger, was probably all the noble qualities that had Godfrey.

And Miq was probably like : When Godfrey was Elden Lord it was the golden age everything was great! Nothing was wrong! The lands between had stability. Radahn have the potentiel to be like Godfrey!

Also Radahn : Let's conquer and make war like lord Godrey!!!!!!!!!!!

I mean yeah everything was great between stability and war 😅 so jkefjf help like I can understand ou need smn to fight of ennemies just in case but Miquella that's not gonna work. Like at some point there's pb. Like who you consider anomy.. should you reprimand everyone?? Like Marika and her cycle of violence?! dzbkdsfbhkbhkld

Also I wonder if the great runes didn't made many demigods "change" as well. It gave them more power and maybe it screw their mind too. (And when Miquella great runes break the bewitching spells stop so..... before he got the runes maybe he never used that. And maybe that's why Radahn changed so much too) Power really does change people hm?

So anyway sorry idk if I succeed to organise everything coherently XD I tried. So yes I think Miquella is nuanced but was mostly good because of many conditions and he tried to fix everything but loses everything in the end... by discarding who he really was... a necessary sacrifice, that would ultimately fail...

I got very emotional after beating the final boss and going one last time to Trina. I really cried a lot. Because it's freaking sad. All the sacrifices in vain... they deserved so much but the world was cruel.

And even if we did nothing. What change? Nothing. He never came back in the lands between if we finish the main game. Did you abandoned everything Miquella? Did it not work out? Or like should we blame the poor devs. Idk it's very confusing now. The lands between still a mess, the lands of shadow too. He never came back...

The only ray of hope is us, the tarnished to try to make a better world for everyone. The one they couldn't make themselves...

(Ok so hope make sense 😅 and maybe it will put everything in a new light for people and give them a hand! I got way more invested and happy! Even if that's sad. I started to imaging little story and headcanons about his childhood I would never have before... it's confusing but if I am right the devs succeed! good job)

[hellrices]

Menendez Brothers Case

Ok I just want to touch on the topic of the MONSTERS show once again to just say fuck Ryan Murphy, I mean holy shit. Not only does he portray an actual real-life case incredibly inaccurately, but this is what he had to say when the ACTUAL Erik Menendez called him out on it

How much of a shithead do you have to be to first of all, take an actual case where the people involving it are still alive and well, and turn into some incestual, aggressive drama fantasy of your own and when the people that the case concerns TELL you that it's full of lies, you come out saying they're just "playing the victim" and should be sending you flowers??? Disgusting. And the fact that the show (especially the actor who plays Lyle - Nicholas Chavez) is encouraging people to dress up as Erik and Lyle for Halloween is sickening. These are actual people and this was an actual case regarding the murder of two incredibly wealthy individuals and the abuse that they inflicted on their children. It is not to be treated like the latest Halloween trend.

Now concerning the actual case, I realised the more I researched about it, the angrier it made me so I just need to rant about it right now (My last post was mostly regarding the trial sessions but I really can't stop thinking about the actual abuse they'd suffered throughout their home life.) I have to say though, it's absolutely disgusting and appalling that an ACTUAL statement that was made by the prosecution (Pam Bozanich) was that "Men cannot be raped as they lack the necessary equipment to be raped." Along with an outrageous insistence that any type of sex that occurred between Jose and his children was not forced which is absolutely untrue - Lyle mentioned that Erik had it so bad that he considered his brother to be a suicide risk and Erik himself admitted to having suicidal desires and terrible coping methods. He would wait till he was home alone to scream till he was trembling and stick pins, needles and tacks into his thighs just to feel the pain and often dissociate as he was being assaulted. Erik also said that he, at a very young age, created a persona for himself. "The Hurt Man", to try and separate himself from the situation when his father would take advantage of him. He would use this nickname for himself in his mind all the time and the only purpose of this 'hurt man' was to get hurt. He felt that he was protecting his mother and family by getting hurt in place of them. (Which honestly, breaks my heart. To imagine he was under 10 years old when all of this was happening makes me sick to my stomach.)  Erik also often questioned his sexuality because of the continuous assault that took place and his father who was the one to rape him, went around calling him slurs and spewing homophobia towards him. (Which I mean, holy shit- how can you ASSAULT your own child to the point where he drowns his food in lemon during every meal in hopes of distorting his sense of taste so it would be less painful during the rape and turn around and make fun of him for "being gay" (Erik was not gay by the way but is increasingly supportive of the LGBT community)) Even to find out that both the brothers thought they were protecting their mother by enduring all this abuse at the hands of their father instead of her - only to find out that she had known the whole time??? I can't imagine the despair at finding out that your own mother didn't give a shit about your father having raped you for 12+ years. Both brothers said that in that moment, they saw both their parents as the same person and couldn't differentiate them in their minds. It's heartbreaking knowing both boys absolutely loved doting on their mother just because she was less abusive than their father. But the fact of the matter is that she was a horrible mother. She would drink all day, starting about every afternoon and had mental breaks very often where she would scream, flail her arms about, throw things at anyone near her and completely ignored everything Jose was subjecting the boys to. Lyle also testified that she would sexually assault him as a child (As far as I'm aware, she didn't do the same with Erik). Both parents would beat their kids and left no room for privacy, often snooping through Erik's journals and being intensely intrusive and controlling.

Here are SOME incidents of abuse (not sexual in nature) which really show how their parents would go OUT of their way to make sure all their kids lives were a living hell  (Keep in mind, this is not including all the times they brothers would be beaten up by their parents) : - Whenever he spotted a ditch or cliff on the side of the road, Jose would drive towards it and put his knees on the steering wheel and put his hands up, seeing how long it would take for Erik to grab the steering wheel and turn it away from the ditch/cliff as a way to measure Erik's bravery (The longer Erik would sit with the car going towards the ditch/cliff, the braver Jose considered him to be) -Erik confided in his mother about his fear of the dark and monsters hiding in his room. In response his mother locked him in the basement while his father tormented him from inside it and left witch masks in his closet to scare him further at night - Lyle's girlfriend told him that she was pregnant but later told him that she lied and she had never been pregnant at all (they broke up afterwards) After a confrontation with his father, Lyle found out that his father paid off his girlfriend to get an abortion and lie to him about it. - Both boys (aged 4 and around 6 at the time) were often abandoned in malls and airports. -Jose's mother was a famous swimmer who was showcased in Cuba's sports hall of fame. In order to force his children to follow in those footsteps in terms of sports, he would force and hold Erik's head underwater to "expand his lungs". Essentially fucking drowning him. -Lyle once brought a bunny home as part of a school program in the second grade and named it "Flower". His mother told him to get rid of the bunny but he couldn't return it since summer break had just started. Later, Lyle found the bunny beaten to death, covered in flies in the trash can outside their house. (Jose had beaten the bunny with his bare hands and thrown it away) - Kitty once left an incredibly sick 9 year old Erik home alone while she went shopping for 5 hours. -During an argument 5 days before the murder, Kitty ripped off Lyle's hairpiece (He had started experiencing immense hair loss at age 14 and needed a toupee to cover it up). This was, as Lyle testifies, incredibly embarrassing (Erik was not aware his brother had this) and painful (the hair piece was only supposed to be removed using some sort of solvent). Lyle said his head immediately become extremely red and swollen and he felt completely humiliated, running off to reattach it after getting it back from his mother - A year before the murder, Kitty brought Erik along with her to buy a gun. Upon asking why she needed to buy that, Kitty told her son that she was "going to kill someone." Erik was incredibly unsettled put-off by the conversation and didn't ask any more questions. (Mind you, Kitty was heavily medicated at this time, taking around 13-15 pills a day) The new evidence : This is a recently discovered piece of evidence which may lead to the brothers' early release/ shorter sentence. Andy Cano (a cousin) had been brought in to give a testimony during the trial and he supported the claims that Erik and Lyle had been sexually abused, stating that Erik once told him about it, asking if it was normal for fathers to do that. Andy, who had no present father in his life, was unable to answer him (Mind you, both the boys were extremely young at the time so Andy wasn't aware that an adult should've been informed). His testimony was thought to be just a lie and was thrown aside - years later Andy died of overdose, his mother Marta said he never recovered from the guilt of not being able to help the brothers. This is part of the letter that was written by Erik to Andy that supports the claims that they were sexually abused :

[Erik is referring to his mother] "At times, I wish I could talk to her about things , you know? Some day... Especially dad and I but the way she worships him and tells him everything. I [am] so afraid she'll tell him whatever I say. I just can't risk it. Lyle got in a huge fight with her about why we couldn't spend Christmas with the rest of the family and mom freaked out and said if he wanted to go he could go alone. I just don't know why she wants to hurt him like that. Lyle wanted to stay but dad wouldn't let him. So now I'm stuck here alone. I've been trying to avoid dad. It's still happening Andy but it's worse for me now. I can't explain it. He [is] so overweight that I can't stand to see him. I never know when it's going to happen and it's driving me crazy. Every night, I stay up thinking he might come in. I need to put it out of my mind. I know what you said before but I'm afraid. You don't know dad like I do. He's crazy! He's warned me a hundred times about telling anyone. Especially Lyle. Am I serious whimpus? I don't know I'll make it through this. I can handle it, Andy. I need to stop thinking about it."

[candysweetposts]

Have you found a way to get the assets from new gen? I'm kinda lost rn

!!!Warning! Long-ass post incoming!!!

Hi,

Yes, I did manage to get some and there's how and why I can't get it all.

First, some words before we proceed. The reason I can't download all of the clothes is because some are made from 2 pieces. I don't know if you remember whenever the site came out and there was a section where you can see previews of clothes from the game.

There were front and back pieces. And I believe clothes have that too and I think that's why I can't save them.

But let's see how I found out.

So, you go to the closet where are the clothes are and then press F12 or right-click, and then inspect element. Now, go to sources and look for "assets,mycandylove-newgen.com". Here you can find other subcategories but what interests us is "cloth/hanger/hd".

Here you can see all the clothes from the closet but in this format. But that's ok. Like in the last game, we have to change some parts from the URL of the specific clothes. Now, Let's say you want this top from the image. You right-click on it and open it in a new tab.

Look in the URL for this part "hanger":

And swap what's between the lines with "full":

And then voilà:

Now you can save it.

You'll say "so, I can do that to anything that I find, no?" No. Like I said, the ones that are made from 2 pieces won't work.

For example:

This. I tried doing it with this as well but it won't work because, if you look closely, there is a small piece at the back that won't show on the avatar if you use a dress or something that goes over that part:

And what I have in the "hanger" version is the full piece, not the pieces separately which are in the actual game. I hope you understand what I mean. So, things that seem made from 2 pieces won't work.

I feel like the accessories might work because it's composed mostly of one piece.

What about eyes, hair, mouth?

I could only save mostly short hairs like these ones:

I did manage to find the base. If you go to "item order" in the game and then look at the sources at "skin/full/md" you will find the skin there:

You can open that in a new tab and, in the URL you can change "md" with "hd" (those are image sizes) and of course "hanger" with "full". It doesn't have a nose, eye, or mouth, but... yeah.

But again, I'm no expert. I only found out about it because the goose outfit had this in the URL:

Plus, this word was used before in the other games. But if I find another way I will reblog this post with my findings.

If you want the avatar parts that were taken from the preview candy before launching there's this post that has a link with all the things you need.

I hope this helps!

[t00nyah]

i hope ur ready

A WHOLE POST OF LYRICS FROM (MOSTLY BLACK DRESSES) SONGS THAT I CAN'T STOP THINKING ABOUT 24/7

part 1 (out of ???)

BLACK DRESSES section (LAUGHINGFISH-PEACEFUL AS HELL)

LAUGHINGFISH

She started to feel ok But coming from a place as bad as that was Things can tend to find a way to tag along She didn't leave a mess with her luggage She made sure to stay on top of chores But her new chosen family was just as complicated as the old one was //FEEL SOMETHING

When everything is quiet It's louder than a scream //BAD VEGGIES

And the years behind all look the same Wounded animal freaking out on stage Get so depressed when people say "The more things change More they stay the same" //WOUNDED ANIMAL

Maybe the true self is only true when It could never survive in its true form Maybe the me inside only stays alive Because it's kept safe from the world //GOOD THINGS HAPPEN

FUCK the real ones Fuck true love Fuck being powerful, I don't care What could I dream of that is not made up Fuck this stupid world I am scared enough that I'm not afraid at all //DON'T FORGIVE THE WORLD

I won't sing my song If you find me gone tomorrow I won't feel a thing Doctors tearing up my body God could not forgive As we blink out of existence I don't mind at all Pretty sure we're ending up together

You say you wanna be saved God wanted you to live We're setting the tone Forever going out sad And no one needs songs where we're going I'm not hoping for a fight but I know I see one coming //IF YOU FIND ME GONE TOMORROW

Rook: I feel like a weapon out of control every day Fight the conditioning, blank stare, nothing to say Try my best but it all gets mangled On the way to my brain It's taking over again Devi: I don't pity the body For what? It destroys Rook: The memory of us against the world Nobody else could touch us back then //LAST LOVE SONG ON THIS LITTLE PLANET

The truth only matters if you're honest. Are you? - Man you're so fucking corny it makes me look straight //NO DAYS OFF (those are literally just two separate lines but PLEASE they are gold)

And the stereo connects right back to the mic I think I liked you better still alive I didn't expect in my dreams we'd still fight But I shoulda known and And the highway connects to the road Like the car was a part of your soul That I'm sure by now your mom sold //CAN'T KEEP THE KNOTS OUT

Earth is love But this crazy little thing called love can be a little bit intense //IT'S PROBABLY FINE

Forget Your Own Face

People say nothing is impossible but I do nothing every day - If you got- if you got what you wanted If you got what you wanted the most If you got- if you got what you wanted Would you still be fucking depressed? Would you still be fucked up by the past? Would you still regret everything? Yes. //u_u2

Give up on what you wanted Never give upuPUPUp on what you thought was true to you Unless you find some kind of other truth that means something to you Never give up on what you wanted Never give up on what you wanted Even if it's stupid God is stupid Let's be Stupid: God is here. //Let's Be

T-shirt slogan I'm a t-shirt slogan I'm a meme, I know it I got mean, I know it We learned a lot about Entertainment Tried a lot of shit, still not Entertained Yet. Isn't it crazy to be human? To bear witness to the illusion of patterns? To the illusion of order? To think that all this shit is normal? //NO NORMAL

Colorful and delicate like a paper star Shriveling in the heat of what we are At the end of time, did I do anything? Burning up like an insect in the sun I just wanna be useful to someone On the final day, did I make you smile? //doomspiral

Everything I want is fiction What I need does not exist Everything you want is right here waiting For you to take it What I need does not exist //GAY UGLY AND HARD TO UNDERSTAND

I used to want to mean Something to somebody But people never see The side of you you want to be And when the air is smoke And when the sky burns out I hope no one is looking at me When the sun explodes - I'm grateful for the time we had to do childish things Like making songs: Like this one. Stars shooting overhead as everything in the universe falls apart How romantic, like kissing under fireworks, but... As our bodies burn to light As our bodies turn to raw energy with no identity, uh... Let's meet back here again We can do a little show We can sing a couple songs We can fight over how the songs go I know it's not much For all the things in the world Not much, but let's just have- Let's just still try to have fun. //nightwish

Forever In Your Heart (oh this is about to explode)

The dead hope that you always clung to The dream that someday it would heal you Is there anywhere left to fall? I try so hard to recall hope Ancient hope Rotting hope Can we make something beautiful with no hope? //PEACESIGN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I know it's not easy for anyone We're all on a clear light hell trip But that doesn't mean we shouldn't try Just don't come anywhere near me And we'll be ok I don't wanna see anyone's face I'm dealing with my own shit right now You can deal with your shit somewhere else - Stuck inside a concrete bubble Everyone is "doing their best" I think that it's kind of whatever. But dreams are not meant to be achieve

It's just not enough It's never been enough When the FUCK has it ever been enough Only to dream? //Concree Bubble

I'm just meat without a soul, Without a brain, Without anything, An animal. - The night explodes in the light From a shooting star IT'S EASY TO BECOME DISILLUSIONED WHEN YOU DON'T KNOW WHO YOU ARE And it can live forever in your heart It can live forever in your heart Forever in your heart It can live forever in your sick pathetic little heart //Heaven

I know it sounds stupid for a world like this, People do their best And still come off so twisted up and so heartless And I know I'm grateful if someone tries at all Still ends crumpled up, Scrunched up, like a tossed away love letter but

I think If there was ever a right way to do it I think That nobody's ever even done it //Tiny Ball

But on a clear and cloudless day It feels like the planets atmosphere Is stitched together by everyone's pain And we just breathe it in... //Silver Bells

I don't wanna do this anymore I don't wanna do this anymore I don't wanna prove I was wrong about you I don't wanna do this anymore I don't wanna do this anymore I don't wanna prove I was right about you //Ragequitted

A little dirt might cover up the wound (Rook) A little dirt might cover up the wound But a little dirt might infect it too (Rook) Infect it too There's no right choices to make in this life (Rook) This life

All you can do is what you can do //Waiting42moro(just saying i love this song the entirety of it but like THIS particular thing is so stuck in my head...)

I tried to offer up my pain to be understood But I don't think it's my pain that can be understood, Or needs understanding.

There's not a lot of pain in the world that makes any sense Maybe people need to be understood instead. //Understanding

What does it really take to want to hurt a child? It seems like it's not much for a lot of people. //Mistake

Peaceful as Hell

it's like a pearl formed from the pressure of all the blood in a world of nightmares it's feeding on love it's growing stronger and coming alive it's so scared and confused but it still wants to survive

it dreams of a future: impending doom it clings to the hope that it might pull through and everyone stares at it with disdain but it's trying so hard every single day //LEFT ARM OF LIFE

im so cute and well-adjusted i know exactly what to say i hope no one discovers i struggle with it every day how the FUCK does language work what do people like to hear?? i dont wanna be uncool but i need TO GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE - I wanna give people a chance but they keep letting me down I wanna be wrong again I wanna be wrong about being wrong this world shouldn't need to feel so lonely is it because I'm too angry to be around anyone again? //IM A FREAK CUZ IM ALWAYS FREAKED OUT

it's ok to keep your soul hidden keep a secret to yourself it's ok to be a bad singer you can sing a special song all by yourself //BLISS AND STUPIDITY

//MAYBE THIS WORLD IS ANOTHER PLANETS HELL? (yes im putting the entirety of it here bc im just so full of thought about this one)

bloody worm goddess you look so pretty when you're scared to death it'll never change burning bright with fear and hopelessness - trapped inside it again i don't sleep anymore i don't have any dreams i don't have a true form //SCARED 2 DEATH

is it ok for me to be happy? is it really ok for me to happy? is it ok for me to be happy? turn up the radio play us a happiness song - come on girl, haven't you learned how to express yourself? why is it so hard to get you out of your shell? is it ok for me to be messy? is it really ok for me to be messy? is it ok for me to be messy? i don't know how to let it go //EXPRESS YOURSELF

the impossible dream of having a skin everything crawls on, everything soaks in I'll be eaten by ants but I won't feel that bad I just wanna have my body to my Self while I still Am and I don't wanna be polluted by all the violence that already twisted me up //IMPOSSIBLE DREAM

you could say anything that you want I could say anything that I want to you could say anything that you want it's up to you to choose what's important to you

but don't be weird, don't be mean you're on my computer screen it's my world, it's my life i'm a person please be nice - you can say anything you want you can say anything you want to it doesn't mean you're bad but sometimes love is holding back //PLEASE BE NICE

//666 (another one that is just fully in my head, it's so sweet and comforting)

part 2(LOVE AND AFFECTION FOR STUPID LITTLE BITCHES-WASTEISOLATION)...coming someday. no date.

[lostmykiliel]

Hi Marie :) forgive me if you’ve already made a post about this at some point but I’m fairly new here. Due to recent events (aka insta posts and comments) I’m wondering do you know and can perhaps explain to me what the significance of all the sunset/sun/moon/sky pictures is? If there is one at all? Whenever I see them doing this I’m kind of like *cardi b voice* „That’s suspicious. That’s weird.“

Hi nonnie.

First of all welcome! 🫶

And I'll try my best to answer this, but a little disclaimer I am no lore expert so I may not know/forgot something.

That being said, let's start with some background info:

Mile and Apo chose and performed two very interesting songs on stage as Kinn and Porsche for the Kinnporsche World Tour 2022/2023.

First: 'Fly me to the moon'

Second: 'The moon represents my heart'

Both iconic queer songs about the moon.

And additionally in some Asian countries the phrase "Isn't the moon beautiful?" is another way to say I love you.

Ok back to Mile & Apo themselves:

There is reason to believe the sky/moon has a special meaning to them personally as well.

The most famous story: When both of them were in different parts of Thailand in December 2022, Apo even wrote poetry about it:

However it wasn't the first time, while Mile was in Kalasin in April 2022 Apo posted this:

Other times when they were separated (and this are just the most recent ones):

Though Apo (and Mile) like sky pictures in general, we see those sunset/night sky/moon pictures mostly when they are in different parts of the country/world.

Exceptions:

If I remember correctly those were posted on the same day in October 2023 and it's from the same building (where their vocal coach lives):

On that day they were attacked by haters once again and people thought that was why they were in this mood.

And one time were both of them were in BKK and nothing extraordinary happened*:

[*At least as far as we know.]

Last but not least many fans compare Mile & Apo to the moon & sun, because of their different personalities that are very harmonious. They themselves compared each other to Yin and Yang many times already.

I guess you asked because of the one sky picture Apo posted yesterday on IG:

Hope this helps!

[cynningly]

TW: body horror and eye strain (glitching)

rewatching tribetwelve atm so take this gif i made!! It’s mostly just an excuse to make my own headcanon Firebrand design. It was originally just gonna be a doodle of him but i spiraled lmao

still might change Firebrand’s design. I love body horror stuff and i wanna play with the idea that he becomes visibly more monster looking when he defects from the collective and his powers aren’t being held back by Slendy anymore. Especially with his “Rogue God” thing and creatures like angels and stuff being absolutely horrifying to look at in religious canon.

However, as much as I think the burn scars look cool (i hope you can tell they’re burn scars), they’re a such a pain in the ass to draw. So are the teeth, the teeth might actually be worse. I wanted to make it look like his cheeks and lips got like burnt off (Noah’s house got burnt down when he was a kid so i like to think this Firebrand is from a session where Noah didn’t make it out in time) so his teeth are exposed and that’s what kinda gives him his uncanny smile.

But he kinda barely looks like Noah anymore. I kinda wanna see what I can do balancing his horror with becoming a monster while giving him a design that still looks like his past self (cause the horror of seeing the fucked up creature you’ll become while also being able to recognize yourself in it is just *chefs kiss*) and is maybe just a bit easier to draw lmao

Adam Rosner apologists dni or i swear to god i will beat you away with a stick

also quick psa about how I draw Noah cause i do plan to draw and post more t12 stuff:

tldr at the bottom cause this turned out long, sorry

I know a lot of people have been shifting their Noah designs cause Adam is disgusting, and that’s a perfectly fine and more than respectable thing to do. however, i plan to continue to draw Noah as he is. before all this came out, t12 was a massive part of my childhood and Noah was definitely always one of my fav characters. I simply cannot separate t12 from Noah in my own head.

I can, however, separate t12 from Adam.

I rarely ever saw oog tribetwelve stuff, so I will always associate that face with Noah first and Adam second. I will continue to see Adam as a horrible excuse of a human and Noah as a character who suffered because of their actor and writer. In my own humble opinion, Noah can still be a good character even while taking his actor’s deeds into consideration. I believe that you can enjoy t12 while also hating and not supporting Adam. Separating the art from the artist, as some say. Again, if you don’t like drawing Noah as he was in the series and you don’t like seeing the image of a man who did absolutely horrible things that should have put him behind bars, that’s completely understandable and ok.

tldr,

So yeah, i’m gonna draw Noah as he is, but i get people’s desire to change his design to further distance the awesome series of tribetwelve from its awful creator. I just won’t be doing that. I just wanted to explain my reasoning for how I draw him in hopes that 1: y’all can understand how I see this situation and more importantly 2: so you don’t think I support Adam just because I draw Noah canon to how he was in the series. I do not and will not ever under any circumstances support Adam Rosner.

[tankclub]

how would you rate the expansions so far?

it really depends on the criteria. overall i think that ffxiv has gotten better with every expansion, even if i dont always like all of the changes.

more details and rambling under the cut

ok so i broke it out into a few different categories, and i'll rate the expansions on each one:

X.0 MSQ

stormblood

endwalker

shadowbringers

a realm reborn

heavensward

here I'm just talking about the basic MSQ as it launched for the expansion. I put stormblood much higher than most people because I loved the lesbian road trip arc and I loved the azim steppe. the expansion certainly has flaws, but the strong points were really strong.

endwalker tops shadowbringers for me because the elpis section was the only thing that really got me to care about the ancients/ascians, and i think it was necessary context for the whole story arc of the game thus far. endwalker has some issues with pacing and with weakness in the downtime sections (and they clearly didnt know what to do with garlemald, a casualty of the game's shift in focus around shadowbringers).

the others i think are relatively straightforward. i've posted in the past about how i dont like the heavensward story, i think that it kind of botches its themes and the writers got too horny for killing women (in this case ysayle) to tell a good story. it also absolutely squanders the 2.5/55 setup with the ul'dah stuff.

Patch MSQ (X.1, X.2, etc.)

endwalker

a realm reborn

heavensward

shadowbringers

stormblood

endwalker is miles ahead in this category. although its patch story has weaknesses, being able to tell a whole coherent story from 6.1-6.5, without having to have the weird "second climax" for the X.0 story in X.3, puts it ahead of the competition.

ARR scores highly mainly because of just how well the banquet/ul'dah/crystal brave stuff hits. they wasted all of these story threads in heavensward, but especially at the time they absolutely worked.

heavensward makes third because i think it's the only expansion that really made the "x.3 climax" actually work, which is partly down to how the themes of the story worked with "oh and theres more even after you win the climactic battle".

shadowbringers is pretty low for me because i think that its a casualty of the change in narrative leadership. elidibus had been being set up as "the ascian you will talk to", so introducing emet to take that role left him kind of at loose ends. ive played the patch storyline several times to try and understand why people love it so much, and it just never landed for me.

stormblood patch story is the worst this game has ever been. i would put it lower than last if i could

Raids and Jobs

I kinda combined the experience of endgame play into one category, so I'm rating both job design and raid quality here. as the devs said recently, these things are linked, so i didnt think it made sense to separate them. more than the other categories i think this one is influenced by my personal circumstances

shadowbringers

endwalker

heavensward

a realm reborn

stormblood

shadowbringers takes the top spot for my favorite job design (in my beloved shb summoner), a top-class raid series in eden, and the best ultimate raid in TEA.

endwalker i think is really good and a step forward in many ways, but i think the issues with the centralization around 2m burst and inflation of boss hitbox size hold it back from the top spot for me. however, i do like a lot of the additions like criterion, and i hope they continue a lot of what theyve done in this expansion.

i had to put heavensward above arr because it's a straightforward continuation of arr, and also had my second favorite job design in the history of this game (in heavensward warrior, which was broken, goofy, and always fun). also alexander is a fantastic raid, even though coil is more nostalgic for me personally.

stormblood takes the last spot because i didnt enjoy the way the jobs played during that expansion, and mostly skipped it. i was unsubbed for a substantial portion of it, and really only started playing again in the leadup to shadowbringers. possibly i should leave it off this list altogether, simply because i couldnt have evaluated it properly.

Overall

so, i if i combine all of those ratings (weighted equally), i end up with:

endwalker

shadowbringers

a realm reborn

tie between stormblood and heavensward

which i think summarizes my opinions fairly nicely, although as you can see each of the expansions has their strengths.

overall im very excited for dawntrail, and i think it has the potential to be (and likely will be) the best expansion the game has had to date.

[coff-in]

I feel like whenever I’m having a bad day (or in this case, few months), I see other people have bad days too. It’s crazy how the world works and we all unite together to have either crappy or happy moments; it’s kind of wholesome that we all are brought together through our experiences and can share those vulnerabilities. It makes me feel a little better knowing I’m not isolated or alone, and that I’m not the only person with problems or struggling to get by.

I saw your last post, you said to ask about pressure, so I’m asking: How do you deal with pressure?

This is what I do when I feel stressed (maybe you’ll find some relief in this too): It’s a rule for me to always cry when something goes wrong, because crying released happy chemicals!

If I’m still bothered, I sleep for a few hours, take a Power Nap or just sleep and see if it still bothers me. If it still bothers me, I eat strawberry mochi. I also like coloring in those coloring books with flowers and a inspiring quote, it makes me feel better. When I’m sad, I always put on some Lo-fi or old love songs.

I always try reading Andrew Graves x reader content—or, at least what I haven’t seen. It’s a small fan base for separate Andrew Graves content. It’s how I discovered you a few months ago too! I enjoy looking for your work on my dashboard and I’m excited to see what you do next.

I hope thing’s get better for you, Coff-in! Never be ashamed or feel guilty about your own feelings or mental health. Don’t worry about time or rushing things, rushed work is never good work. Always remember to take breaks and worry about yourself; it’s your life after all. From one human being to another, take care of yourself. 💜⭐️

hi stellar :D when i asked ppl to send me questions about pressure, i meant the roblox game pressure ^^; this is ok tho!! no harm no fowl! (or is it foul? fowl is a bird, huh)

when i get stressed i usually get take a nap, maybe eat something, or watch youtube to distract myself. crying sounds really nice but i can't cry easily, sadly :( i also just try to draw! i like drawing and i find it easy to just pick up a pencil and doodle something :3 i also do it when i'm bored

its a tad bit hard for me to realize that "oh this blog is my blog, i can do with it what i want". or maybe i do realize that but still feel like i can't do certain things. hm. hm hm hm. so neat, such whimsy :3 i also relate to you seeking out andrew graves x reader content, but recently for me i've been searching out sebastian solace x reader fics. idk if people know this but im mostly a selfshipper, so seeing the whole zerum drama happen in that fandom is like... idk kinda silly to me. tldr: people were mad that the co-creator of the game (zerum) shipped her oc (zerum) with the shopkeeper sebastian. there's obviously more to it than that, but it reminded me when i was younger and i made a boyfriend oc for my persona (who i also sometimes wrote/referred to him as her brother... huh)

i'm going to be busy with work again, so hopefully i'll be able to write more since i usually start writing when i'm trying to avoid work or just to get away from it ^^; i hope that you're still doing well despite these hard months! i think it's a bit too easy for some to cur inward and isolate themselves from others. it was kinda nice being away from my coff-in blog. i do not say this as in 'i want to leave', but it was nice to just... idk feel like i didn't have to write? or take my time. i felt kinda bad tho, like there was a lingering thought in my head that i was deceiving you all. i was still able to write, so why wasn't i writing? stuff like that i guess

thank you for sending your ask, please take care of yourself!! <3

[iamashippinggod]

I Don't Say What's On My Mind Quite As Much As You'd Like Me To

Part five of my mini-fic series is here! @julybreakbingo

Bingo Prompt: “You should be with someone that respects you.” Fandom: My Hero Academia Ships: Kaminari Denki/Shinsou Hitoshi, Aizawa Shouta/Yamada Hizashi Content Warning: Explicit Language Tags: Shinsou Hitoshi is an Insomniac, Adopted Shinsou Hitoshi, Adopted Eri, Married Aizawa Shouta/Yamada Hizashi, Class 1-A, Established Relationships, Shinsou Hitoshi replaces Mineta Minoru, Shinsou Hitoshi has Social Anxiety, Kaminari Denki has ADHD, Pansexual Kaminari Denki, Bisexual Jirou Kyouka, Gay Shinsou Hitoshi, Late Night Conversations, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Stargazing, Latino Sero Hanta, Bakugou Katsuki Swears A Lot, Bakugou Katsuki is a good friend. Side Note: This is cross-platformed on AO3. What? Two posts within a few days of each other? Shocker. Anyway, welcome (or welcome back), here's part five! I hope you all enjoy <3 P.S: Also, translation for Sero: "Aye, date un respiro, hombre." = "Aye, take a break, man." "Ok, guapo." = "Ok, handsome." I apologize if those aren't the correct translations, I used Google Translate for Sero's spanish.

Masterlist

Summary: “... You should be with someone that respects you, Kaminari, not someone who’s gonna make you question if what you said or did was wrong or make you feel like shit for something you can’t help.”

“Like who?”

Me.

Hitoshi has officially been in Class 1-A for a full month now. 

         For the most part, everything was just about the same as before he was transferred into the Hero Course, with the addition of training and his new acquaintances (not friends, not yet). He still had his normal classes like English and Mathematics, but now he also has the addition of Heroics with All Might and afternoon training in Gym Gemma. He’s gotten better at changing the pitch of his voice changer at a faster speed mid fight. He’s even succeeded in capturing Bakugou mid-fight, and that in itself is a win considering how tough of an opponent he can be.

         And he no longer stays in his room, sure there are days where he separates himself from his class to recharge his social battery, but he finds himself joining everyone downstairs more often than not, especially if Kaminari is around. 

         Speaking of, he supposed that he has him to thank for that little change.

         He still finds being around his classmates for longer than a few hours after classes have ended to be a pain, but he finds it more bearable when Kaminari is around. Maybe it’s because the blond knows how to steer a conversation, forcing the attention onto him rather than the insomniac. Either way, it helps him feel more comfortable when there’s more than just the two of them in the room.

         He still wouldn’t admit it out loud if you confronted him, but he actually enjoys Kaminari’s company. More than he thought he would. Ever since that one Sunday night a few weeks back, he finds himself wanting to be around Kaminari more. 

         A part of him doesn’t like it, mostly because it’s weird to have a friend who doesn’t make comments about his Quirk and doesn’t imply all of the villainous acts he could do with it, it’s new. But that’s also why he does like it. Kaminari isn’t like everyone else. 

         And he likes to think that because they’ve been hanging out so much, and that Hitoshi actually enjoys his company, that he has gotten to know the blond well enough to know when something is wrong.

         Like now, for instance.

         Everyone in the class could sense that something was off with Kaminari and Jirou’s dynamic. Though the dark-haired girl wasn’t affectionate like her counterpart, she did joke around with Kaminari, even though some of the jokes she made something in Hitoshi’s stomach churn. And Kaminari knows she doesn’t like public displays of affection, so he finds other ways to swoon her during class; little gifts like snacks would find their way onto the corner of her desk at random hours of the day, an extra pen in case she forgot hers, offering to carry her bag when going to their next class, stuff like that.

         But for the past couple of days, there has been none of that. They wouldn’t even look at each other for more than a few seconds.

         Everyone knows something happened, they were all at the ramen shop last Friday, they all saw her storm out with Momo trailing after her, eventually watching Kaminari follow after them both. Hitoshi saw the concern and worry on Kaminari’s face that night, but mostly an expression of pure confusion.

         But it was Sunday morning that he knew something went wrong between them.

         Hitoshi had spent Saturday night at the family apartment on campus for diner, he and Eri had stayed up until it was close to midnight watching movies before Shouta had shooed them off to bed for the night, Hitoshi found it a bit hypocritical how he shooed them off to bed only to stay up to grade papers until Hizashi had come down to collect him.

         The next morning, Hitoshi had made his way to the kitchen, following the smell of freshly cooked bacon. He knew his Dad wouldn’t be there, he hosted tutoring sessions in the mornings on the weekends, and knew that if he wasn’t in the kitchen, that he was at the school for one of his tutoring sessions. 

         Half way through breakfast, his Pops spoke up. 

         “Are you heading back to the dorms soon?” Hizashi asked, making Hitoshi look up from his plate. 

         The purple-haired teen nodded, “Yeah, probably once we’re done eating. I left my homework at my dorm, and I need to see if Midoriya will let me borrow his notes again.”

         “Can you do me a favor and take your father his lunch, please?” 

         “Won’t he be done by lunch?” Hitoshi asked. 

         Hizashi reaches over to pick up his glass, “Yeah, he’ll be done tutoring by then, but he has a meeting with a detective for a case. You know he won’t take care of himself if I don’t send him something to eat.”

         So that’s how he found himself wandering the halls of the main school building until he reached his father’s classroom, a bento box in one hand, and his phone in the other while he looked at the news.                

        “Another sighting of the villain known at Dabi has been spotted down at the port last night, our sources tell us that he as well as the League of Villains are connected to the recent explosion in downtown Tokyo. Police are still refusing to make any statements, but are continuing their investigation–” 

         Hitoshi had shut off his screen, deciding that it was best to not read any more of that article. 

         For all of his hopes to follow in his parents’ footsteps, there were days where he wished that they weren’t in the Hero business, especially when he reads news like that. What the hell would they be in Tokyo for anyway?

         Hitoshi had stopped outside his father’s classroom, raising a hand to knock when he heard two voices from the otherside. 

         “It’s B.”

         “It’s A.” He hears his father correct.

         There is a grumble from the otherside. “This is hopeless…”

         A pause, followed by the sound of footsteps. “It may not seem like much, but you have improved since last weekend.” Hitoshi hears a scoff. “... Are you alright?”

         “What do you mean?”

         “To put it lightly? You look like shit, kid.” Hitoshi smirked at that. 

         He hears a laugh. He recognizes that laugh, and he smiles at the sound without realizing it. “It’s nothing to worry about.” A pause, followed by a sigh. “Really, Sensei, I’m fine. I just…” He hears him trail off. He sounded tired. “Why numbers? I understand letters like the back of my hand, but numbers? What maniac came to the conclusion that math was a necessity? Who?”

         Hitoshi knocks, “Dad?” he calls out, sliding the door open. He’s met with the sight of Kaminari hunched over his desk, and his father leaning back against the podium. He stops and examines Kaminari.

         Kaminari did look like shit. 

         Normally, the blond greets him with a smile, a grin, a fucking smirk, his lips would be turned upwards no matter what. But he was met with a frown instead. 

         Hitoshi clears his throat, tearing his eyes away and holds up the bento. “Pops asked me to bring you lunch. And to remind you to take your meds.”

         “Of course he did.” Shouta pushes off from the podium, hiding the small smile creeping its way onto his face with his scarf. “Thank you.”

         Out of the corner of his eye, he sees Kaminari looking at him, but when he goes to return the look, the blond looks away.

         Weird.

        That night, Hitoshi texts Kaminari first. 

         I’m hopping on mc, you joining? 

         He was met with the thumbs-down emoji, followed by; can’t. homework.

         This makes Hitoshi frown. Kaminari normally sends him a paragraph for a reply. Are you okay?

         Three dots. i’m fine. He didn’t even capitalize the I. Before Hitoshi could think of a response, Kaminari adds, i’ll text you later. The purple-haired teen stared at his phone for a moment, reading over Kaminari’s responses before he eventually shuts off his screen and goes to log onto Minecraft, expecting that follow up he was promised.

But that follow up never came. And it doesn’t for a few days. 

         From an outside perspective, Kaminari probably seems like his normal self. Cracking jokes, poking fun with his classmates, holding conversations with Sero and Mina over the most random of subjects that have zero context or meaning. Kaminari did seem fine.

         Hitoshi knew he wasn’t. From his perspective, Kaminari was mimicking him and his sleep schedule, as the blond seemed exhausted, quieter in the past week alone. And he wondered if the rest of his friend’s squad had noticed too (he says “his friend’s” as he doesn’t see himself as a part of their group yet), and just hasn’t said anything.

         Hitoshi sees the way he’s sluggish during training, how his response time is off by a few seconds. And he’s definitely noticed the way he avoids Jirou at all costs, and the looks Jirou gives him in return. Speaking of the earjack hero in training, he noticed how she has simmered down in the past week, the daggers in her eyes were more like dull blades used for show now. 

         It all comes to a head Thursday morning. 

         Hitoshi had walked into class, rubbing away the remaining sleep from his eyes. As usual, he walks into the endless chatter of his classmates, some still waking themselves to pay attention to today’s lesson plan, others engaging in conversations that either have zero meaning behind it or are discussing homework or something along those lines.

         As he sits down, he looks to his right and sees the hyperactive blond being not so hyperactive. Kaminari had his arms folded across his desk and was currently resting his forehead on top of his folded arms, he looked as though he was half-way to being asleep.

         Hitoshi thought about reaching over, giving him a shake and asking to see if he was okay. But he already knows that he’s not okay, he hasn’t been okay for the past week, ever since that night in the ramen shop. What good would asking him do if he already knew the answer?

         “Hey, Ji. How are you holding up?” 

         Behind him, he hears Hagakure. Casting Kaminari a subtle but concerned look, he peaks over his shoulder to see the invisible girl talking to Jirou. 

         Now that he’s giving her a good look over, she was almost as bad as Kaminari, but her eyes weren’t as puffy as his. The girl shrugs, “I’m fine.” 

         Hitoshi almost scoffs. Why does everyone keep saying that when they clearly aren’t fine?

         If he could see the invisible girl’s face, he would probably see a frown. “Have you spoken to him since the break up?”

         Hitoshi snaps his head forward, eyes wide in shock. “No… We decided to give each other some space for a bit.” He hears Jirou say. He looks over to his right, seeing Kaminari peeking over his arms, eyes trained on the back of Ojiro’s chair. Did he hear them too? 

         Apparently the whole class heard. 

         “Wait what?” Uraraka spoke up, Hitoshi looked and saw her looking directly at the girls. “You and Kaminari broke up?” Looking past the three of them, he could see Momo staring at them blankly, like she was already expecting this reaction. She already knew.

         But Uraraka’s question stirred up the entire class. 

         “What? Kami, why didn’t you say anything?” Mina frowned at the electric blond, who only shrugged in response and buried his head further into his arms. 

         Bakugou’s frown (one that is practically tattooed on his face) deepened, and reached back and across to poke at Kaminari. “Oi,” He was quiet. “Pikachu?” 

         “I’m fine.” They hear him mutter. Behind them, most of the class was asking Jirou the questions. Only those from their group (minus Jirou, obviously) were checking in on Kaminari. 

         The commotion hadn’t died down when Shouta had walked into the classroom. Even Iida hadn’t bothered telling everyone to get to their seats when he noticed the teacher walking in. 

         For that half an hour, the classroom was tense. If Hitoshi was paying attention to his dad, he would have seen him casting a questioning look in his direction. But Hitoshi didn’t pay attention, he kept his attention on Kaminari instead.

Throughout the entire day, Hitoshi noticed how Kaminari seemed distant from everyone. The blond kept his head down during classes, and he hadn’t even shown up for lunch, Bakugou had to go and drag him into the cafeteria just to make sure he ate.

         In between classes, Kaminari would walk with a notebook and pen in his hand, scribbling things down. Hitoshi had peaked over his shoulder out of curiosity and saw that it was one of his extra assignments. He’s worse than Midoriya. And the green-haired boy would be switching between three assignments while maintaining a conversation with Todoroki in between his unnatural muttering.

         “Aye, date un respiro, hombre.” Sero clasps a hand on the blond’s shoulder, slightly shaking him from his thoughts before switching back to Japanese. “Seriously, don’t stress yourself. We’re doing a study group at Bakugou’s tonight so just join us.” 

         Kaminari looked as though he was giving it some thought before shaking his head. “No, it’s fine. I kind of want to get it done before Ectoplasm’s class.” 

         I don’t want to be around people, right now. Was what Hitoshi heard. He’s well rehearsed in avoiding people, and that was the oldest line in the book. And judging by the look Sero was giving him, he didn’t believe him either. 

         Sero gives him a small smile, giving his shoulder a light squeeze. “Ok, guapo. If you change your mind, we’ll be in Bakugou’s room until seven.” 

         Kaminari nods before speeding away from the black-haired teen. Sero frowned as he watched him walk away, and so did Hitoshi.

         When afternoon training came, Kaminari had been excused from the class and was given a permission slip to head back to the dorms early. He knew his father noticed Kaminari’s exhaustion, he was practically mimicking Hitoshi even if he didn’t mean to.

         So during practice, Hitoshi was paired with Bakugou, who he quickly learned was hard of hearing due to his Quirk. About halfway through the round, Hitoshi had to switch to sign-language (something he had picked up for his Pops, who also was hard of hearing as a result of his Quirk), which took the angry teen by surprise. 

         Hiding around the corner to avoid Tokoyami and Dark Shadow, the two of them had a silent conversation. 

         “Which should we go after first?” Hitoshi signed, ignoring the wide-eyed look on Bakugou’s face. 

         “Since when can you fucking sign?” Bakugou asked. 

         Hitoshi shrugged. “Does it matter?” 

         Bakugou didn't reply right away, instead, he grabbed Hitoshi by the wrist and moved them until they were higher up with an advantage. Hitoshi felt a tap on his shoulder, he looked over in time to make out Bakugou’s question. “Have you spoken to Pikachu today?”

         With furrowed brows, Hitoshi looked between Bakugou and Tokoyami below them. “No. Have you?” He was met with a shake of the head. “How long were they together?” 

         “A couple of months. Not sure what happened though.” Bakugou pauses. “... Don’t say anything, but I’m glad they broke up.”

         “Why?”

         Bakugou scoffs. “Because they don’t work well as a couple.” He replies. “You should talk to him.”

         Before Hitoshi could question him further, acid was sprayed in their direction. 

         Unfortunately for Tokoyami and Mina, they had fallen for Hitoshi’s voice changer, and were deemed subdued, leaving him and Bakugou as the winner of this training match. 

         Mina was pouting all the way back to the entrance of Ground Beta. “No fair, how we’re we supposed to tell if that was you or one of us?” She questioned.

         But Hitoshi hadn’t been paying attention to the pink-haired girl, so Bakugou responded for him, “That was the point, Racoon Eyes.” The angry teen rolled his eyes. “You guys aren’t meant to know if it’s him or not. That’s what makes him fucking better.”

         Mina stopped, mouth gaping at Bakugou. “Did… Did you just compliment someone that wasn’t you or Kiri?”

         “Go to hell!” Bakugou sped up, but not before the rush of red colored his cheeks. Mina kept up her teasing while they made their way back.

         Hitoshi didn’t speak up again until they were in the locker room. Their match was the last one for the day, and as a result, they were the last ones in the locker room. Tokoyami left first, Dark Shadow peeking out to say goodbye before leaving them alone. 

         As Hitoshi pulled his shirt down over his head, he looked in Bakugou’s direction, watching as he reached for a pair of hearing aids. Once his shirt was one, he started signing again. 

         “I thought you got your hearing back when you were talking to Mina?”

         Bakugou shook his head. “I can read lips, as long as they’re not moving too fast.” 

         Hitoshi nods, and waits for Bakugou to put in his hearing aids before he speaks. “What did you mean earlier?” Bakugou gives him a questioning look. “About Kaminari and Jirou not working as a couple.”

         “Tsk.” The blond reaches for his bag, pulling the strap onto his shoulder. “Ears had a tendency to take her shitty jokes too far. Pikachu may seem laid back and doesn’t fucking care about what people say about him, but he does.”

         “Why didn’t-”

         “-He fucking say anything?” 

         “Or any of you?”

         Bakugou shrugs, “We’ve tried. She came into our group not too long after they started dating, so we had a little more time to know what was okay to joke about and what he didn’t want us to talk about. But whenever one of us would try to fucking correct her, Pikachu would shrug it off, saying that it was a shitty joke.” He explained.

         “Why me?” Confused, Hitoshi asked, “You said that I should talk to him, but shouldn’t one of you do that? You’ve known him longer.”

         “That’s why it should be you.” Still clearly confused, Bakugou sighed and continued. “He has a tendency to fucking brush shit off, if one of us tried to talk to him, he’d fucking plaster a smile on his face and throw a joke or two. He won’t fucking talk.”

         “That doesn’t explain why I should be the one to talk to him. What good could I do if the people he’s known longer can’t get him to open up.”

         “Damn, you really are dense.” Bakugou mutters, shaking his head. “It’s different with you. ‘No clue why, but he’s taken a fucking liking to you. He’ll talk to you. I know it.”

When they had gotten back to the dorms, there was no sign of the electric blond. When Bakugou had asked (to know how much to cook for dinner), Kirishima had told them that he was still in his room. Hitoshi confirms this when walking into his room, hearing the sound of music coming through the door across the hall. 

         The music stays on until it gets closer to midnight, 11:43 shining in red LED tells him the time. Hitoshi had finished his homework a while ago, and he was back on his Switch playing Mario Kart, trying to beat his best speed when he heard the music cut off abruptly. 

         The teen looks up from the device and looks toward his door. He waits, expecting the music to come back on with a change in song, but the noise never comes. 

        “What good could I do if the people he’s known longer can’t get him to open up.”         “He’ll talk to you. I know it.” Just what the hell did he mean by that?

         Out of curiosity, Hitoshi disregards his Switch and reaches for his phone, unlocking it and opening his chat with the blond.

         What are we listening to tonight?

         Instead of seeing the three dots dancing at the bottom of the screen, he sees the grayed-out check mark underneath his message turn green, indicating that it had been seen. But he receives no response. 

         Hitoshi frowns, laying on his back as he stares at the screen, still expecting those three dots to appear at any moment.

         So Hitoshi starts typing again. Any chance I can make a request? We could be the dorm’s personal radio show. He jokes. But the only indication that Kaminari has seen his text is that green checkmark underneath his message.

         He sighs, shutting off his screen. Clearly Kaminari didn’t want to talk. Then again, he could have not even been looking at his phone, he could just have their chat open and that’s why they were being marked as read.

         No, that’s a stupid explanation. Besides, if their messages were open, that would mean Kaminari was planning on texting him back, so why hasn’t he?         “What good could I do if the people he’s known longer can’t get him to open up.”         “He’ll talk to you. I know it.” 

         He opens his eyes to the sound of his phone ringing. When did he even close them?

         Hitoshi raises his phone, eyes widening slightly when he sees Kaminari’s name on his screen. Without thinking, he immediately swipes his thumb right to answer. “Hey-”

         “Step into the hallway.” Hitoshi almost drops his phone from how rough Kaminari sounded. 

         Curiously (and more so out of concern), he does as told. Swinging open his door and stepping out, frowning at the sight of an empty hallway. “Where are you?”

         “Across from Iida’s room.” Kaminari tells him, Hitoshi walks until he’s standing in front of Iida’s room, and across from his door is an open window. 

         The purple-haired teen hangs up and immediately climbs through it, leading him to the roof that connects both wings of Height Alliance. His feet (thankfully covered by the fluffy socks that Eri had picked out for him at the mall) hit the asphalt, and ahead of him, Kaminari is lowering his phone from his ear. 

         The blond was laying on his back, his knees drawn up as he looked up at the sky. Tonight, the skies were clear, the school was high enough away from the rest of the city that looking up from here, they could see stars shining brightly. 

         Hitoshi is hesitant to move at first, unsure as to why Kaminari was out here, let alone inviting him out here with him. But he finds himself moving toward him anyway, eventually sitting down next to the other teen, drawing up his knees to rest his arms on.

         Neither of them say anything at first. But neither of them seemed to mind the silence, it was a comfortable silence that greeted them, aside from the sound of crickets that echoed in the grass below, and the familiar commotion of their classmates getting ready for bed (unless you were Bakugou, then you were already asleep). 

         “Did you know that electricity has a sound?” Hitoshi looks behind him, looking down at Kaminari, who hadn’t looked to meet his gaze. “Most people don’t even notice that there’s a sound until it’s been cut off. It’s quiet, barely noticeable in general. But when the power cuts off, you can hear the silence. It’s kind of nerve racking.” Kaminari explains. 

         “Is that why you’re out here?”

         The question makes Kaminari bend his head to look at Hitoshi. But he nods. “It’s too loud. Most of the time, I can ignore it. But with my Quirk… it’s hard to sometimes.”         “Can’t you still hear it out here though?”

         Kaminari shrugs. “Yeah, it's not as bad though.”

         Another round of silence falls over them for a minute. Kaminari looks back up at the sky, and Hitoshi lies down next to him to do the same. 

         “What did you mean earlier? About Kaminari and Jirou not working as a couple.”

         His conversation with Bakugou rang in his ears again, nagging at him. He finds himself turning his head to look at the blond laying next to him, Bakugou talking in his ear again.

         “Tsk. Ears had a tendency to take her shitty jokes too far. Pikachu may seem laid back and doesn’t fucking care about what people say about him, but he does.”

         He couldn’t help but to think that there was some truth in Bakugou’s words.         “She came into our group not too long after they started dating, so we had a little more time to know what was okay to joke about and what he didn’t want us to talk about. But whenever one of us would try to fucking correct her, Pikachu would shrug it off, saying that it was a shitty joke.” 

         He bites back a sigh. Just how many times had you shrugged shit off, Kaminari? He wanted to ask him. But he knows better. If the roles were reversed, he wouldn’t want to explain it either. Besides, for the most part, he and Jirou seemed to really have liked each other.

         “... I’m sorry to hear about the break up.” He thought that was a good way to start. “How are you holding up?”

         “I’m fine.” 

         It sounded forced. So Hitoshi pressed. “Okay, now the truth this time.” He found himself repeating the same words his Pops’ used on him a while back, keeping his voice soft in hopes of making Kaminari comfortable enough to talk. 

         The blond didn’t say anything at first, Hitoshi thinks he wasn’t going to say anything at all. He doesn’t blame him though. 

         But then Kaminari sighs, his eyes squeezing shut as he brings his hands up to cover his face. “Not fine.” He groans, clearly not wanting to talk about it.

         “What happened with you two, anyway?” Hitoshi presses, hearing him sigh again. “I’m not going to force you to talk about it but… it’s not good to bottle things up-”

         “What would you know?” There was a snap in the blond’s voice, who dropped his hands from his face in favor of sending him a glare. “You’ve never been in a relationship before, remember?”

         “No, but I have experience with heartbreak.” He kept his voice even. He watches Kaminari deflate a little. “And I know first hand the consequences of bottling things up. Eventually, that bottle cracks, and it keeps cracking until you’re saying all the things you didn’t want to say anyway. So, let it out.”

         Kaminari goes quiet, just like he has been over the past week. But Hitoshi doesn’t push anymore, he wants him to open up on his own. 

         It’s kind of funny when you look at this, he’s using the same tactics Hizashi and Shouta had used on him when he came to live with them a little over a year ago. Even though the situations are different, it feels like the right move. It’s hard to describe.

         “... I fucked up.” Hitoshi looks toward the blond again, finding a look of guilt on his face. “And I didn’t even realize how much I had fucked up until it was over.”

         “What do you mean?”

         “She was jealous-” He cuts himself off, closing his eyes to think. “I um, I talked to Momo after homeroom, and I asked her how Ky- Jirou was doing,” Hitoshi could tell that it was hard to call her by her family name after getting so used to using her given name. “And I know she’s just looking out for her, I do. But she called me out for not being there when I should’ve been.”

         He knew it wasn’t the full story. And he knew that he probably wouldn’t get it, at least, not anytime soon. So Hitoshi nods, processing what he was told, Bakugou’s words from earlier ringing in his ears. “You know… she wasn’t…” He trails off, unsure how to word this. “I noticed how she treated you,” He starts, which as a reward, Kaminari turns to look at him. “I noticed the comments she makes, how you just laugh them off when no one else does-”

         “She was only joking when she called me dumb.”

        “Bullshit.” Kaminari’s eyes lock with his. “You don’t call someone you care about an idiot or make fun of them for how their Quirk affects them, especially when they have no control over it.”

         “I wasn’t exactly the perfect boyfriend-”

         “Well maybe she wasn’t the perfect girlfriend, either.” Disbelief crosses the blond’s face. “Jirou is a nice girl, and she’s a good friend. That I don’t doubt… But-”

         “But what?”

         “I think you two were a bit toxic with each other, not on purpose, but you brought out different sides to each other that weren’t healthy.” 

         Kaminari is quiet again. Hitoshi sighs, looking up at the sky. Above them, he can see the blinking lights of an airplane in the darkness. 

         “... You should be with someone that respects you, Kaminari, not someone who’s gonna make you question if what you said or did was wrong or make you feel like shit for something you can’t help.”

         “Like who?”

         Me. Hitoshi freezes, but says nothing in response to Kaminari’s question. Nope. No. I’m not doing this. “Someone…” Me. “Someone like Sero, or Mina?”

         Kaminari blinks at him before a laugh leaves his lips. And if that laugh did not make something in his chest flip… “Oh please. First of all, they’re into each other and are in denial.”

         Hitoshi huffs out a laugh of his own. “And secondly?”

         Kaminari holds his breath, wetting his lips. “... I- They’re practically family.” 

         “Maybe you can ask Mina to set you up with Aoyama.”

         “Dude, that’s mean.” He turns his head in time to watch Kaminari laugh at the sky above them. He swallows, but doesn’t say anything. “Hey,” The blond looks toward him again, a grin on his face. “Denki.”

         “Uh?”

         “Call me Denki.”

         Hitoshi looks confused. “Why?”

         “You tell everyone to call you by your given name, it’s only fair that someone lets you call them by theirs, right?” He looks more relaxed now, genuinely carefree. I like it. 

         Hitoshi breathes out, “Nice to meet you, Denki.” 

         A gentle breeze cuts through them, reminding them both that it was autumn, almost winter. Hitoshi watches Kami- Denki, shiver, making him notice that he was only wearing sweats and a t-shirt. 

         “We should go inside.” He tells him, sitting up on his elbows. 

         Denki sits up, shaking his head. “No,” He drags out.

         “We’re not even supposed to be out here. And just because I’m the teacher’s kid, doesn’t mean I get special privileges.”

         Then he pouts. Denki Kaminari was pouting, it made Hitoshi crack a smile as he stood up. “Boo.” Denki huffs, moving to stand up. He wobbles, and out of reflex, Hitoshi moves to steady him, his hands on his waist. 

         How he manages to bite down the blush that threatened to show itself, he doesn’t know. But Denki wasn’t as lucky. The blond looks up at him, a grin on his lips and a taunt in his eyes. “Damn, I just got out of a relationship, ‘Toshi. Patience.” He laughs. 

         Hitoshi doesn’t respond, his grip on Denki’s hips were loose, he could easily slip away from him but he didn’t. Now, it was no longer Bakugou’s voice echoing in his ear, but Denki’s. 

         “Like who?” Me.

         “Hitoshi?” Denki looks up at him, brows furrowed. He brings Hitoshi out of his thoughts long enough for him to notice Denki’s hands hovering over his chest. Fucking hell… 

         Hitoshi drops his hands and steps back, biting down the gulp. “Right, sorry. Come on,” He nods toward the window they crawled out of. “If we don’t freeze, my dad will definitely give us detention.”

         Denki stares at him for a moment, before rolling his eyes and begins making his way toward the window. “I’m pretty sure your dad would stick us in a freezer for detention just to make a point.”

         “If only you knew how much of a softy he actually is.”

         Once they made their way back inside, and Hitoshi had closed the window behind them, they made their way back to their rooms. Both stopped in front of their doors, and Hitoshi finally had a clearer look now that they were in the light, he frowned at the sight of the growing eyebags under his eyes. 

         Yeah, nope. 

         As Denki opened his door, Hitoshi slid past him, and the purple-haired boy immediately went to the mess of papers that lay scattered around his bed. Denki watched as he picked up his papers, confused.

         “What are you doing?”

         “Making sure you don’t pass out in class tomorrow.” Hitoshi told him, grabbing an empty folding (which he assumed was where these papers were from) to store his homework. “This is coming with me and-” He adds as Denki opens his mouth to argue. “- I will help you finish it or fix it before class tomorrow. Okay?”

         “Hypocrite.” Hitoshi raises a brow at him. “I know damn well that you don’t sleep either.” 

         “I’m better than I used to be.” He admits, a bit shyly at that. “But just because I do it, doesn’t mean I’m gonna let you do the same shit. Now go to bed.”

         Denki scoffs, playfully rolling his eyes to add to the dramatics. “Fine, dad. I’m going to sleep.”

         And just to play along, Hitoshi pats Denki on the head, telling him “goodnight” before heading back to his room across the hall. 

         As the door shuts, he leans back against the wood and looks down at the folder in his hands.          “... You should be with someone that respects you, Kaminari, not someone who’s gonna make you question if what you said or did was wrong or make you feel like shit for something you can’t help.”

         “Like who?”

         Me.

         A sigh leaves him. Hitoshi sets the folder down on the corner of his desk before jumping into bed. I’m not dealing with this.

[cringelordofchaos]

(for"sendacharacterandilllist"askgame) DREWWWWWWWWWWWWW

YAYYAYAYAYAYA SOMEONE ASKED ME

ok so drew !!!

favorite thing about them

everything. But if I had to choose then maybe his attachment issues or those little spiky strane of hair above one of his ears

least favorite thing about them

just the fact that his backstory is not revealed yet. Like I hope the whole "he has family issues and feels detached from them making him have a complicated and toxic view kn relationships as well as attachment issues" headcanon ks revealed to be canon otherwise, if he's acting the way he is just bc he does, then he makes for a pretty boring character no matter how "realistic" it would be (which it kinda wouldn't but whatever that's a separate discussion). so yeah like the lack of traits rather than the traits themselves ig. Though rosyclozy said season 2 is druffering 2 so I am EXCITED

brOTP

dria. draisy. dracy. idfk which I should pick. endless possibilities. and they all parallel each other in one way or another and I fucking love them platonically but I'm not interested in them romantically if I'm gonna be honest. they'd all fix him

OTP

this is so unfathomably predictive and obvious of me but Drake/PlumPeach like come on a) I relate to Drew's "I'm in love with my best friend but they can't know and they're in love with someone else" situation heavily,there are endless analyses to be made and written, endless fic potential, SO MANY songs about breakups that just Fit Them, they make each other worse and also interesting characters. Someone once called me an abuse apologist that should never date anyone because I shipped them? LMAO. that was like 3/2 years ago though. without drake drew just like... wouldnt have character. Which says a lot. Second OTP is HOT TAKE droey. I made a whole fucking post abt them please don't @ me o can explain themselves - also droey angst. Also they're complicated af as well. But they are also pretty annoying so I'm not sure lmao. Dria rules too but prefer it platonic

nOTP

Idk drelliot .?? It's so unfathomably cliche and stereotypical toxic yaoi material and I hate it but I also think it's funny so idk I don't really have notps unless it's siblings or bad age gaps cuz they make me uncomfortable

random headcanon

do I have to share only one? I want more so I'll do more. I think he's Filipino, he had one of those glow in the dark shoes in elementary school and flexed them HARD, he has major depressive disorder and maybe borderline personality disorder, he hyperfixates on video games, listens to mostly emo rap, spends most of his time inside during summer, gets a new iphone every year, cyberbullies little kids on roblox, also still plays roblox, gets expensive watches just to flex and also bc he measures his worth by wealth his parents give him bc that's the only love they show him LMAO, and thinks furries and weebs are cringe, and also i love him

unpopular opinion

he actually loved/loves zoey

song I associate with them

ok how about I drop my whole playlist for them instead

Alex G - Nintendo 64

Amy Winehouse - Back To Black

Annika Bennett - Boy Who Has Everything

Billie Eilish - Wish U Were Gay

BoyWithUke - Toxic

Conan Gray - Heather

DoshVO - Dear Jake

DoshVO - Do You Wanna Bully Hailey?

DoshVO - Like a Six "Zoey Diss"

DoshVO - Move Along

ElyOtto - SugarCrash!

Fran Vasilić - eyes blue or brown can't remember

5 Seconds Of Summer - Teeth

Gotye - Somebody That I Used To Know

Jack Stauber - Cupid

Kaden Mackay - Don't You Dare (Make Me Fall In Love With You)

Kali Uchis - Just A Stranger

Laufey - From The Start

Laufey - Promise

Laufey - Second Best

Liana Flores - papercut

Mitski - Old Friend

Olivia Rodrigo - drivers license

Olivia Rodrigo - traitor

Olivia Rodrigo - vampire

Regina Spektor - Two Birds On A Wire

Rex Orange County - Best Friend

Rex Orange County - Sunflower

Rex Orange County - Television / So Far So Good

Steven Universe - It's Over Isn't It

The Front Bottoms - Be Nice To Me

The Vaccines - Heartbreak Kid

The Walters - I Love You So

...wow. I really thought I had more - whatever, more to be added w time, dw

Also the song "you better move on" I have no idea who made it ???????? I just listened to the cover by Frank Wattkinson lmao

favorite picture of them

ooof this one's heard. I mean hard. shut up

ok ok so I like this one .

cuz he's just done with him. looks angry but probably suppressing his years so fucking much. leaving Jake behind after such struggle and effort to keep him... dam (and it also shows their height difference lmfao)

Or one of these !!

Another ones from the finale, he's just laughing and smiling from the sheer pain he's in and the utter irony that is his friendship with Jake and he's so hurt but he's probably doing this to keep himself from crying but he's also probably just laughing at how pathetic he is for trusting Jake or believing that they really had something when it all turned out to be a huge lie and he just can't believe in himself or anyone anymore

ahahaha

this one's just him being jelly like eurgj. 😠😒

this one's a funny reaction image concept

and I also love this one cuz like, first of all lol at his eyebags he's either been crying or not getting any sleep or BOTH, he'd also in a call with Zoey trying to get him back and he's just looking at the side like he's mad at her and he's hurt by her but he also looks like he's trying so hard to resist idk how to explain it man he can't deal with her but he can't deal without her yknow what I mean

Thank you for asking !!!!!!

[n7punk]

“Children of the Crystal” Fic Notes Season Two

Children of the Crystal is “officially” done! I still might go back and add short (non-plot) fics set in this verse further down the line, but the story is all wrapped up at a monster 14 (15) fics.

I split the fic notes into two “seasons” just because there’s a lot to cover, so the other post has notes for the first 6 fics. This one has the playlist, the notes for the rest of the fics, and discussion of the original outline/plan. This fic series doesn’t get an “epilogue” section because I’m keeping all those ideas in my back pocket in case I end up doing fics on them.

Playlist:

Haha so. This series had a playlist that was originally like seven songs long. Then I couldn’t sleep one day, and suddenly this story had a plot(??) and the playlist exploded. I’ll cover the plot thing later, but here’s the finished playlist (I also listened to my canon Catra, Adora, and Catradora playlists while writing this).

Just Friends — Morgan Saint

Illusion — Carlie Hanson

WASTE OF CONFETTI — Meg Myers

S.T.A.R. — Mothica

hallelujah — Bea Miller

For God’s Sake — Morgan Saint

Highlights — Mothica

Crazy Bitch — Sizzy Rocket feat. Mothica

feel like shit — Tate McRae

Once More, With Feeling! — XANA

Battle demo [not released to the public. Listen, the vibe is “I don’t want to fight you, but if that’s what you’re going to do, then let’s go”]

Jealousy — Pale Waves

i did this all for you! — XANA

Two Sides — Ari Hicks (this one is for Light Hope, because I think I’m funny)

I Don’t Believe In Anything — Deathbyromy (THIS IS SUCH AN ADORA SONG OK)

I’m Trying (Not Friends) — Maisie Peters (aka the fic 13 song)

Only Love [Acoustic] — PVRIS

General Notes:

⦁ For the ease of future rereads, the big plot heavy-hitter fics are (generally) every other fic: 1, 3, 5, maybe 7, 8, 10, 12, maybe 13, and 14. I was intentionally spacing them out (as best I could) so there would be a plot beat, then something that fleshed out the universe/characters, then another plot beat, but that wasn’t always the best thing for the series so there’s exceptions.

⦁ Several of the fic titles from this series are inspired/from lyrics from a couple of songs. They are as follows: The “Crystal Kingdom” song from The Adventure Zone led to the fic titles “Beckoning to Break the Seal,” “Locked in a Cage of Glass and Steel,” and “This Is Where Separation Ends.” I listened to that way back in the day and that song stuck with me for some reason. I thought about it again after naming the fic Children of the Crystal cuz. you know. Crystal. i did this all for you! by XANA is the origin of “Carve Your Name in My Bones.” Full lyric: [in my brain] I love what you’ve done with the place/really made it your own/carved your name in my bones. “I’d Die Just to Be Someone” is a lyric from Crazy Bitch by Sizzy Rocket (feat. Mothica). (Side note: can anyone tell me if Sizzy Rocket is a terf? One of the people she has a feature track with has a sus line) The fic and chapter titles of “One of Us Has to Keep a Promise” come from I’m Trying (Not Friends) by Maisie Peters. These are the only chapter titles in the entire series not in title case. More info on songs and lyrics later >.> Finally, “Once More, With Feeling” is a XANA song (on the playlist, too) that’s actually not happy but the title was a great fit for them returning home and falling back into their relationship with a lot more peace and happiness between them.

Locked in a Cage of Glass and Steel

Chapter 1:

⦁ God the ENTIRE series was leading up to this fic. I wrote it all in one sitting. Actually, I wrote the final chapter of Halls That Make a Home, all of this fic, and all but the last two scenes of Carve Your Name in My Bones in the same day. I wrote 12.7k words that day, my highest single-day word count ever (my previous being 12.1k, which was insane and not at all usual. My average word count is 2k a day).

⦁ I guess I leave it a little ambiguous (mostly because other people lie about it), but what happened with Entrapta was that Scorpia had bonded HARD with her, so when Shadow Weaver attacked Entrapta to stop her from trying to free the captured princesses, Scorpia turned on the Horde. She can’t exactly feel for a pulse with her pincers, though, and she thought Entrapta was dead. She then freed the rest of the princesses, and when they went to recover the sword, Shadow Weaver had roused to tell Hordak that Scorpia took the side of the princesses, bonded with the garnet, and killed Entrapta in the process. He didn’t believe her, but then Scorpia showed up leading the charge of princesses into his sanctum, crackling with electricity. So he pulled the lever.

Chapter 2:

⦁ I talked about this a little in the first author’s note, but figuring out the set-up of the portal is… interesting. I think the wider fandom has kind of agreed it has something to do with who pulls the lever? Like the portal was built around Catra’s wishes? Which makes sense, IG, but it could easily be a collective thing, or just a weird mindfuck, or Adora could have some control over it too because it’s her sword powering it. Personally I think it’s a mix of all of that, but for this fic I went with the idea that it’s the person who pulls the lever, because in canon I find the angst of Catra’s “perfect world” being one where Catra is still just “second best” but it doesn’t matter to her anymore because Adora is there absolutely delicious.

⦁ In the show, the Portal was kind of “an easy sell” because Adora did know a life in the Horde, and all the Bright Moon stuff was just a recent divergence. Everybody was pretty much “with their own” in the portal, Bow in Bright Moon, Catra and Adora in the Horde, etc. In this portal, a bunch of the princesses were locked up in the Fright Zone (because they… were in the Fright Zone IRL when it was set off) and Catra and Adora found themselves transposed into this foreign world so everything would be simple for Hordak and his greatest nemesis were now working for them. The portal bridged that gap by co-opting their memories. Instead of running and playing in the woods, they were fighting rebels in them. They remembered how fighting felt from when they would fight the Horde, but when they were actually forced to fight rebels in the portal, it all felt completely wrong. The other way the portal tried to form its perfect world was by giving Adora what she always wanted: freedom from duty. She wasn’t She-ra and there was no magic destiny to weigh down on her shoulders. As much as she will deny it and doesn’t even believe it, that’s what she wants. She wants to just be able to live her life and be useful, yes, but not have the weight of the planet on her.

Chapter 3:

⦁ Before I even started posting this series, I posted “sorry” because I had just outlined this wallowing scene and Catra deciding to go to the Horde. Obviously I’ve written breakups, self-loathing, etc in the past, but I felt like I was really lulling y’all into a false sense of security with this AU. It doubly applied since I had already outlined the AU’s end, too.

⦁ Because that was such an early outline, though, in that outline scene Catra discovered for the first time that Light Hope could appear in the room they thought was private. I ended up including that earlier in the series, because it’s not much of a reveal if you don’t already know that she’s not supposed to be able to do that and I thought her having the realization when they weren’t together yet but had said some Things in the privacy of the room worked better.

⦁ Btw, Light Hope did “usually” try to leave them alone in the room, especially when they were kids and her overwrite instructions hadn’t been fully installed by a reset, but she absolutely was intending to lie to them when she said she couldn’t listen to that room. It was not a misunderstanding. Those happened sometimes, but a lot of “misunderstandings” were intentional.

⦁ I considered giving Catra a breakdown haircut in this because those are fun, and by “considered” I mean I did and then I read the scene I just wrote and went. This is scary. Like I actually felt I couldn’t include it without a significant trigger warning and what the hell even is that trigger aside from Bitch Not Well so I cut it.

⦁ I had a whole freak out with the end of this fic and whether or not it made sense. Basically, I wrote the first scene of On Stumbling Feet way before this. A consequence of that (and how long-held my headcanon for Halfmoon is) is that I just completely fucking forgot whether Halfmoon running under the Fright Zone was established. I tried to put in more hints to it in the scene itself (stuff like the mentions of their last entrance being patched up) and went back to the fic where Catra calls herself the last of the magicats to edit in more context for future reads, only to find I already outright said there that Halfmoon was near the Fright Zone. I edited the wording slightly to make it more clear it was under, but I mostly panicked for nothing.

Carve Your Name in My Bones [one shot]

⦁ I’ve talked a couple of times about this AU being where I was able to finally put my backstory headcanons for them, but they did have to be tweaked to accommodate the story. For Catra, I imagine she was just scooped off Halfmoon’s street at a battle like this and brought back to the Fright Zone. Halfmoon being the mine beneath the Fright Zone is my headcanon, but not it being connected to the Crystal Castle or anything. I did that mostly to get around 1) Light Hope would have had the foyer door locked when Adora was that age so she couldn’t get out at all to help Catra if there wasn’t another way since that blocks off the override too and 2) to force Catra back through castle when leaving the Fright Zone. The original outline called for her trying to “confront” Light Hope, which I feel would be justified considering she had emotional ties to her just like Adora in this AU, but it would be pretty dangerous and a little stupid, so making it just be something she was forced to do made more sense.

⦁ Rescuing Catra was the first time Adora had left the castle since she was a baby. Feeling the surface of the rock was really shocking to her after being used to the perfectly smooth surfaces of the castle, only broken up by the texture of her bed and clothes. Everything else is metal or crystal. Catra introduces something as simple as touch to her life, that’s how incredibly isolated she was.

⦁ Catra’s parents in this are the same ones I made up for her in TTFT, Leona and Felina. Only one of them is actually her biological parent (magic inception, common for gay couples on Etheria) so Leona has Catra’s heterochromia this time to pass it down.

I’d Die Just to Be Someone

Chapter 1:

⦁ Shadow Weaver was willing to believe Catra’s story pretty easily given she defected to the Horde for similarly petty reasons, but willing is different from believing and she knew there was a chance it was a ploy, or she could be flipped again, which is why she went in hard on her immediately. Shadow Weaver was also dying and losing her shit anyway.

⦁ Hordak growling and Catra commenting (internally) on it was because he’s an alien clone and like, reminiscent of an elf, sure, but actually has his own rules to play by.

⦁ The story Shadow Weaver told Hordak was that Scorpia turned on them and let the princesses in because she wanted to take her powers, and when she did she electrocuted Entrapta (it was implied to not be an accident). It’s kind of a ridiculous sell if you know anything about Scorpia, but Hordak barely knew her name, and when he saw her using lightning powers and fighting alongside the princesses, it checked out, especially with her leaving afterwards.

⦁ Shadow Weaver was desperately trying to either 1) break Scorpia’s connection with the Garnet so she could begin using it again or 2) find a way to siphon energy off of it with Scorpia still connected to it. If Catra hadn’t shown up, she probably would have gathered herself up after her collapse and tried to slip away to Rebellion and trade “insider intel” in exchange for healing, but with Catra calling a medic, and them taking her under observation, she never had a chance. And… yeah, she wasn’t looking good and we don’t see her again. Read into that! (If you are interested, though, her story would have been that she worked with the Horde out of fear for her life as she needed the Black Garnet to live, trying to gain an ounce of sympathy, and then she would have tried to trade Entrapta’s location for healing. To them she would have said Hordak sent Entrapta to Beast Island when he heard of her treachery.)

⦁ Grizzlor gets to take over Shadow Weaver’s job because in the original show he was the… warden? Boss? BGIC? of the Beast Island prison. It was either him, Octavia, or Lonnie in this version, but I didn’t have room to throw in Lonnie being promoted to Force Captain in Scorpia’s place (though it definitely happened) and it feels like Octavia isn’t very respected considering the eye thing and that she still sleeps with the cadets.

Chapter 2:

⦁ When Catra mentions trying to line up to whisper in Adora’s ear during the fight, I wanted to leave it ambiguous if she was trying to gloat, but she was actually looking for any opening to tell the Princess Alliance that Entrapta was alive. She was always on missions with other people and the least trusted person on the squad, though, so she couldn’t even try to work it into a “taunt” to pass off because it wasn’t common knowledge and would give away that she was sneaking around.

⦁ Catra’s recognition of the hex-sided screwdriver is because she did spend enough — friendly — time around Entrapta in this universe to pick that kind of thing up.

⦁ When Catra says she “hasn’t managed to do anything about” the transport log, she means both that she hasn’t figured out where Entrapta was sent and she hasn’t managed to tell the Alliance she was live at all.

Chapter 3: Interlude

⦁ This wasn’t supposed to be here but I was thinking about how Adora must be feeling and then I was like maybe I have to write a one shot about this…. So I just stuck it in as an interlude.

⦁ Let’s! Talk! About! The Alliance! Okay, so like, Catra is right, they really should have known better that she wouldn’t go join up with the people who just murdered her friend and kinda-pseudo parental figure, but there’s a reason they “accepted” her defection. First of all, they were already annoyed with her for disappearing (though everyone was equally, if not more, annoyed with Adora for being a fucking idiot). Being mad at someone makes it a lot easier to believe the worst of them. Second, they had already experienced Entrapta’s defection, which was feeling more and more like a true defection as Scorpia told stories about her in the Horde, even though it was a kind of halfway thing for her. Third, Adora and Catra were really codependent, like ridiculously unhealthily so, but it had never been something they needed to work on when Catra and Adora were “doing fine” and there was a war on. When Adora broke her heart, it was possible Catra totally snapped because neither of them knew how to be a person — or even what a person really was — without each other. Four, several of them had picked up the vibe that Catra had some bitterness over Adora’s magic destiny from comments she made over time. And like, they weren’t wrong, that is what spurred her to go to the Horde, she just wasn’t joining them. And then five, of course: they were fighting her and watching her not respond to their attempts to talk. No matter what you believe, when you have enough evidence in front of you, eventually you have to give. None of that should erase the fact they knew Catra was a good person, and especially that she should want to destroy the Horde more than ever at that moment rather than joining up since they had just killed her friend, but just like they shouldn’t be too mad at her, Catra can’t be too mad at them when she didn’t tell anyone. Them believing someone they know is a good person would do Very Bad Things is kind of a commentary on how sometimes they struggle to be good friends, like how they get annoyed with Entrapta and both sides have to learn how to accommodate each other in the show.

⦁ Adora not walking all the way into the entry and leaving immediately kind of saved the planet here. With her first visit, it was quick and she got further into the castle, but Light Hope was willing to wait until a second visit before she went as drastic as locking her in, because it was going to be pretty hard to talk her into setting the Heart off at that point. This time, Adora didn’t get past the large door that could seal the main chamber from the entry walkway (the door that was closed when she and Catra were little, and that Catra squeezed through in The Start of a Legend). Light Hope technically could override the outside door, but she wasn’t prepared to do that, especially when she couldn’t do anything about the override door Adora could easily slip through. Honestly, she anticipated Adora’s breakdown taking longer and being able to use her fragile emotional state to manipulate her, but instead Adora fucking booked it away from the terrible memories and guilt.

⦁ It wasn’t fair, but one of the reason’s Glimmer was mad at Adora was for everything Catra did while defecting. They were friends, after all, and Adora breaking up with her is what drove her away, so even though Glimmer was already mad at Adora for the shitty breakup, she was also mad at them both for every shitty thing Catra did while defected because they shared the blame to her. It was more aimed at Catra since she was the one, you know, doing it, but Glimmer has a proxy-blaming problem (see: her partially blaming Adora for her mom’s death) so she was mad at them both.

Chapter 4:

⦁ Shadow Weaver “limping off to die” was actually her trying to sneak off to the Rebellion for survival.

⦁ The dent on Emily’s hull is this-universe’s version of the scratches. Emily tried to go into Hordak’s lab trying to find Entrapta after she “died” and Hordak grew enraged at the sight of her as a reminder. He threw the closest object at her and made the dent. She skittered away still not knowing what happened to Entrapta, but she picked it up soon after.

⦁ Emily has seen Catra before, back in that single battle where Entrapta got captured, but she’s dressed differently and on the other side, and it was possible there were multiple people named Catra, so she wanted to “verify” by showing Catra the projection.

⦁ I (Catra) shifted over the course of the chapter from calling Emily “it” to “she” to show how Catra was bonding with her. Using feminine pronouns for her did make it more confusing (which “she” is this she referring to, etc), but Catra really needed something to latch onto, so anthropomorphizing Emily hit hard.

⦁ I fucked up here. I came up with a cool idea literally the day after posting the chapter. Catra should have tried to take some of the files on the Heart so the Horde doesn’t find them, get caught sneaking out, and have to choose between keeping them or helping Emily to safety. She would choose Emily, ensuring the files fell into Horde hands and leaving her certain that Hordak — and thus Horde Prime — knows about the Heart when he arrives. Unfortunately, I only came up with that while writing fic 13. It’s a causality of posting as you write, even though I was ahead.

On Stumbling Feet (Find Your Home) [one shot]

⦁ Because this fic takes place before the last few, Catra is still under the mistaken impression that fire played a big part in Halfmoon’s downfall. The problem with this series is a lot of people are lying or just straight up wrong and so they contradict each other or even themselves a lot and I worry it looks sloppy when it’s intentional, just kind of misleading. I actually wrote the Halfmoon report scene before I even wrote the get together fic and wasn’t sure where I was going to stick it but had the idea for a “catch all” snippets fic possibly in the future.

⦁ Adora’s language around “manifesting” is because it’s one of those words/concepts that are new to her, since that scene is set fairly early on, like a few months in.

⦁ Adora saying “She’s going to need to hold onto these moments for the future.” just really goes to show that she can’t even let herself have good moments purely for the sake of them, but rather has to categorize how they could be useful to justify them. This girl needs therapy so bad.

⦁ The make out scene basically exists to tease Adora’s access to her powers without the sword. Obviously, canon shows her powers predate the sword, but with her runestone trapped. Originally the idea was that it would be a little one shot, but then it was brief enough of an idea to use in something like this. I ended up giving a “preview” to this kind of thing with her glowing eyes in the library fic, but she still had the sword (literally) on her then, so this showed that “disconnect” for the first time. Otherwise, this fic would be the kind of filler/fluff I would stick at the end of the series as “not part of the plot arc,” but that particular scene needed to be read before fic 14, so it ended up in the main arc. A little fluff was also desperately needed here.

⦁ The make out predates the scene in the library with her eyes glowing, but Adora still called that new because it had never been tied to anger before, and she didn’t fully understood what her eyes were doing in this scene. What she caught in the mirror was just them being extra blue.

A Thousand Years in the Making

Chapter 1:

⦁ The “true colors” in the fic description do refer to how Light Hope turns on them, but also to how she really does love them and wants to protect them from her own programming.

⦁ “The failsafe would kill the user” and Catra’s resulting “Wait.” reaction were actually because Light Hope was — in the only way she could — trying to help. She was informing Catra both of the risks and that it would work by explicitly not saying that it wouldn’t, since that’s the most logical way to dissuade its use.

Chapter 2:

⦁ The language Adora uses to describe the moving of Etheria in the library fic was carefully chosen to conflict but in a believable way with what Light Hope says here. Adora says “Mara made Light Hope move the planet,” which is what her impression of the situation was, in the sense that Mara ordered it, but what Light Hope actually says here was that Mara forced her hand and made her move the planet for everyone’s safety. Of course, that’s a total lie and Mara moved the planet without Light Hope’s consent, but it was part of the narrative needed to reach Light Hope’s goal of getting Etheria back where it should be so they can set the bomb off.

⦁ In the show what (kinda) breaks through to Light Hope is Adora mentioning Mara, which is a really cool moment I fucking love and was sad to strip away, but in this one it just made more sense for Adora to use their own bond since they had a deep one and she never discovered a lot about Mara without the signal tower.

Chapter 3:

⦁ This was the one and only time that Catra ever referred to Light Hope in a maternal way. She doesn’t really see her like that but she also… doesn’t… not see her like that, you know? Light Hope was her guardian, not her mom, but especially with the wound of Glimmer losing her mom recently, that’s what spilled out.

One of Us Has to Keep a Promise

Chapter 1:

⦁ I vagueposted lyrics from the song “I’m Trying (Not Friends)” when I was thinking obsessively about Catra’s “betrayal” twist and then untwist. The chorus really works for the clusterfuck that their relationship becomes and those two lyrics in particular were feeding my brainrot so hard I could not shut up. The urge to drop songs on the playlist that were massive spoilers and hinted at what was to come was so hard to fight. At one point I almost just posted “CotC spoilers: there’s XANA on the fic playlist” because like. if you know XANA’s music that is a spoiler. She has very few happy or wholesome songs. Most of them are breakup songs or intense shit that still implies a hot and heavy relationship like Catra and Adora don’t appear to have in this series. I was going absolutely nuts keeping all this to myself and knowing for about 7~ fics everything was going to look Fine and then it was getting insane. I then vagueposted again with lyrics from “Crazy Bitch” later thinking about Catra’s “betrayal” because this fic had a vice grip on my brain. For a while I was writing like 4-6k every other day with 1-2k in between and it still wasn’t enough to get it out.

Chapter 2:

⦁ The reason Prime hit the surface so hard and then pulled back was because he was planning on wiping out the planet and all its residents completely to cover up Hordak’s messy rebellion (as he says in the show before Catra interrupts his plan by telling him about the Heart, so he’ll spare Etheria), but he pulled back as speculated when he became aware of the Heart and its potential uses.

⦁ The position they’re sitting in while discussing their relationship in Catra’s tent is a mirror of the one they sat in while listening to music right after they came together as kids back in Carve Your Name in My Bones.

⦁ “She wants to ask Adora if she’s sure she loved her the way that Catra loved her, but while she can walk into the Horde ready to face any danger, she’s still a fucking coward when it comes to things that matter.” Yeah so Catra is saying her life matters less to her than whether or not Adora loved her here. Which is totally healthy and normal and she for sure doesn’t need therapy.

⦁ Catra eating the bread instead of throwing it back like she normally would have done is a result of both her imprisonment and her few weeks on the run/digging through Halfmoon. She’s also aware they’re running on rations and would probably be more conscientious even if she wasn’t painfully aware how important real food is at the moment.

Chapter 3:

⦁ Glimmer is basically bribing/guilting them BOTH to stay in camp using each other, because really they both need to recover, and everybody needs to fall into sync again before going out in the field together.

This is What Separation Ends

Chapter 1:

⦁ The title here has so many different implications. As I said earlier, it’s a lyric from Crystal Kingdom, but it pulls triple duty. It’s “separation” (being broken up) ending between Adora and Catra, it’s separation between Adora and She-ra ending with the breaking of the sword, and it’s separation between wider worlds ending as Horde Prime is defeated and they’re all finally free.

⦁ This first chapter was actually all stuff that was supposed to happen in One of Us Has to Keep a Promise. Then I was just… too into the whole breakup/deflection/come back together concept and the fic ended up expanding a lot from the initial concept of “quick slice of awkwardness with them on the same side again now it’s all hands on deck fighting the Horde” (exact quote from my outline doc). Yeah more was needed by the time we got there and I wanted to write more anyway lol.

⦁ Their time going back to be alone in the tent… Man, even I don’t know what they did in there LOL. I will say I did consider having them have an implied “end of the world, plus weeks of tension with their relationship” hook up, but them just cuddling and being needy also makes sense. Making out like they did in the last fic makes sense. They definitely kissed at least once in that tent, but the rest I wouldn’t be able to say definitively without actually writing it and feeling it out.

⦁ Okay, in Castaspella’s defense, Catra was very convincing, and Casta let Shadow Weaver of all people lead her off alone without telling anyone so I think this is in character for her lol. Catra basically went “yep, Adora was 100% dead and She-ra brought her back to life in the Heart, so she can heal someone else when they use the failsafe, but we don’t know if the failsafe will destroy She-ra if she did it herself, and we can’t risk that.” In this verse, they’re very aware that only a First One can be She-ra and they’re fucked without Adora. That, combined with some guilt-tripping and the valid point that they need a tiny strike team if they’re going to have any chance of infiltrating Mystacor (and that either Castaspella or Micah has to be on said team if they’re going to have a chance), convinced Castaspella to go. Catra said she would leave the message with Emily to deliver a few hours after they left to ensure they got in and out before the Alliance could catch up and ruin the plan by immediately getting caught (because let’s be real, that’s what would happen). The Mystacor infiltration was way more high stakes with a lot higher chance of failure without Melog by their side to camouflage them, so this was riiiiisky, but they didn’t have a lot of options.

Chapter 2:

⦁ Adora’s powers didn’t exactly get an upgrade post-alignment, but her perception of She-ra did, and that allowed her tap deeper into her, which is what led to stuff like the shooting blast, especially on complete accident.

⦁ So I did (briefly) consider having Catra get chipped here and Prime commanding her to walk off the cliff instead of the stabbing. TBH, I just wanted to do my own thing without retreading so much ground from the show (which was kind of my whole philosophy when it came to this AU) and there wasn’t much point to it anyway since Catra would be chipped and unchipped within hours. It seemed far more logical to me that Prime would just kill her, keeping her alive only long enough to utilize her to get the sword. He wasn’t going to risk keeping the failsafe (Catra) alive long enough to really go through her memories, so chipping her didn’t have much use, and leaving her unchipped seemed like more effective blackmail (because who would want back their loved one when they know they’re indoctrinated? Somebody who understands love, you idiot).

⦁ In the initial outline of this chapter that I did a month and a half ago (lol), Prime didn’t stab her, instead just throwing her off the cliff. But. I mean. The drama. I had to go with stabbing. The fact he was doing it with Adora’s sword, which is supposed to be the home to a goddess of healing and protection but has been perverted and turned into a destructive weapon waiting to end the world, was just too poetic.

⦁ Okay okay okay. The sword-shattering thing. I have written that into two AUs now. The first one was an idea I came up with in October 2020 and was definitely destined to just be one of those “talk about it with your friends in Discord and never actually write” AUs, and then again into… well one that didn’t end up happening. Then this AU came around and I realized I could finally use the idea. In each iteration of it, the circumstance was entirely different and the reason why the sword had to break was a little different too (Adora needing healing beyond the sword’s capabilities and She-ra’s power surging into her; being too far away from it to save the world; and needing to heal Catra leading to agony surging her power past the sword’s breaking point), so it always felt fresh and exciting while also being something that I was excited to finally incorporate because the drama. I was refreshing my inbox all day after posting this chapter because I love the end of it so much and I wanted to see people’s reactions.

⦁ Okay but what are the mechanics of it, I hear you not asking. Well, I’ll tell you. So one, my headcanon is that the sword was forged using the Heart for realsies, not just in this AU. Like I said, I was able to shove a lot of my headcanons into this AU because it was actually reasonable for them to have discovered that stuff in this ‘verse. Anyway, She-ra’s runestone was as old as the other runestones and used to work like them too where she just had to be magically connected to it, not physically, to use her powers, but it was placed in the sword’s hilt so the sword could “impose order” on She-ra. Basically, the Sword of Protection was supposed to keep her locked as a First One and give her a “weakness” in the form of making her tied to a physical object. If She-ra becomes a problem, just take the sword away and she’s gone. The sword is old, though, and She-ra’s magic is very powerful. Adora has been in a lot of tight spots before, but none of them as devastating as this, and her connection with She-ra is strong now. If Catra had died the same day that Adora got the sword, it probably wouldn’t have worked like this, but between knowing the sword is just an object now and the strength of her powers, she could reach for She-ra’s runestone even with it locked inside the sword. When she grabbed that connection is when the magic started manifesting around her, but she still couldn’t transform with the sword around it despite trying and trying. So She-ra broke the lock.

⦁ Oh yeah, what actually happened when Adora was going a little insane. As soon as Catra fell, her friends started fighting and the clones that had parted for Adora rushed her. They made the mistake of trying to hold her down and pull her away from Catra, though. That’s when her eyes started glowing. As she internally spiraled and fought against the hands, she started to glow, and the power began to swirl around her. Pretty quickly, some clones were forced to let go, and others were knocked away. The remaining ones were knocked flat when she went full power-aura a la Save The Cat, and then she screamed, it did actually cause a minor local earthquake, and then she transformed.

Chapter 3:

⦁ Remember She-ra’s earthquake powers? Because Adora certainly doesn’t seem to with how little she uses them in the show LOL. Okay, but that feeds into my “full power She-ra” thing. In episode two where Adora does that, she’s kind of… overtaken by the avatar of She-ra. She’s almost mechanical in movement, she’s absolutely glowing with power like a beacon… you know, the stuff she was doing here. She-ra definitely has a deeper power that Adora can tap into at times, and that’s what she did here when she broke the sword. Prime was dealing with She-ra like he had never seen her before and the world had never seen her since before Mara.

⦁ In the initial version of this, Etheria started surging up to meet her and those cracks in the earth started pouring magic, but I changed it because that’s more related to my post-Heart headcanons then pre-Heart and I just don’t think it would work like that.

⦁ The outline of this scene included Adora bringing Catra up to the top of the cliff and then putting her down to fight Prime, but that was… a bad idea, so I had Adora put her down on the ground. I considered having the grass grow under Catra as a part of She-ra’s “life” powers (another headcanon), but that felt too close to Perfuma’s powers, and Perfuma was literally there, so I just had Perfuma do it and she made the protective tangle while she was at it.

⦁ I’m not entirely sure that the ending I wrote here is possible. Let me explain. My interpretation of Prime’s hivemind and body jumping is that he basically can’t be killed because, like Corypheas (to everybody who just cringed internally, I salute you, we did time in the trenches together), he always moves to the next body when his current one is damaged. Thus, you have to disable the entire hivemind before you can trap his current body and kill him off in that. That means that in this canon, Adora can’t kill him off yet because she hasn’t yet destroyed the mothership, but I went with the logic that once she has started that… magic purge thing she does, he can’t move, and without him in the system imposing order on it, the hivemind becomes a thousand discordant voices that don’t even know how to speak on their own, essentially debilitating them until the mothership is destroyed and they all become individuals. The clones do calm down, but right now they can barely think and are prone to lashing out.

⦁ I forgot not everyone is as insane about this show as I am when someone brought up the failsafe in the comments, so I’ll clarify here: the First Ones alphabet is phonetic. A reading/writing guide was uploaded to the show/Dreamworks’ social medias with all the details, but basically the failsafe/word Heart from the show is formed from a base word bar with two decorative elements sticking out of the top on both ends to form the top of the heart. The language is read right to left, so the outlines for the bottom half of the heart are made from the sounds/letters H and R on the right, and T on the left. So when Adora says she has H and R, she means she quite literally has one half of the heart, while Catra has the other containing the T, like one of those half-heart best friend necklaces totally not baby-lesbians get with each other.

⦁ The Hearrrrrrrrrrtttt sceneeeeee god okay. Man I really like this fic can you tell XD Them intertwining in the Heart is something that can be So Personal- OKAY I swear I’ll stop memeing now. The intertwining thing was born of them needing to share the failsafe for Catra to survive it (initial outline just called for Adora “taking” it from Catra via She-ra and the healing magic, I changed that and it’s way better this way) but then I absolutely loved what it led to. It also really helps resolve a lot of their personal issues to see each other, stripped and honest and incapable of hiding. Adora can feel how Catra truly, truly doesn’t need her to be useful to love her, and Catra can feel how Adora loves her even when she doesn’t show it how Catra needs, not to mention how her friends in general love her and think about her when she isn’t there. All of these are things they realize over the periods of weeks and months and years post-canon, but they got to kind of speedrun that process here. And also it’s just so fucking yuri I had to do it.

⦁ In the finale of the show, someone on crew (pretty sure it was ND) said the original idea was for the burst of magic to shoot up and destroy the mothership, but someone on crew (and I know he named and credited them, I just can’t remember who right now) came up with the idea for it to be overtaken by that tangle of plant life instead to reclaim it, and he thought that was a better idea. And I don’t disagree with that. But in this one they went with that first option and just blasted him out of the sky lol.

Once More, With Feeling [one shot]

⦁ These two dumbasses blush when talking/thinking about the Heart for so long, half the Princess Alliance is convinced they had victory sex down there or something, but no, they’re just so fucking gay.

⦁ It's... kind of a headcanon? For my own fic? But they do end up going out to explore space with the help from some reformed clones (when it comes to spaceship building/repair and intergalactic navigation) at some point after the war and eventually come across Krytis, because I can't leave Melog there forever.

⦁ I have a list of some more ideas for this universe, so I will return at some point, but I need a break. I had SO much fun with this fic, it was absolutely wild, but it was also a long ride and my creativity needs a bit of a rest or I might burn out.

Original Outline:

Originally this series wasn’t supposed to have plot and I had disclaimers about that. Okay, there was supposed to be some plot (Fics 1 & 3, the breakup, and the finale fic) but there was very little aside from that. Even the finale fic, I didn’t have context for how that happened, it was just “confrontation with Horde Prime looked different since Catra never got captured since she was never with the Horde.”

Never with the Horde. Yeah.

So. When I was first planning this series, I only briefly considered the possibility of not breaking them up, because in this AU they’re extremely codependent and it’s not healthy. They absolutely needed to learn to function independently of each other, and I love angst. However, the initial idea was just that they would break up and Catra would run away to the Whispering Woods, having her own adventures, getting caught up in shit but luckily never any missions with Adora.

Then I went to sleep (while writing the first fic, I think, but maybe just planning), and by the time I got up the next morning I had written the entirety of the deflection fic (that’s what I called I’d Die Just to Be Someone for a while) in my head. I sat down in front of my rough timeline for the series that acted as an outline and went “‘kay how do I mess this up because this idea is so angsty I can’t not.” I mean I did consider not, I outlined like three or four different back halves of the fic using the deflection and not, but in the end I hammered out my best version of them with the deflection in place.

Having such an arc determined for the series really changed the way I thought about it in that it needed to have structure now rather than doing whatever I wanted like before, but I kept the nonlinear nature of the series like I first planned.

When I constructed the arc, it had an overall pretty simple structure with 1 plot forwarding fic followed by one character/world building or backstory/fluff fic, repeat 5/6 times. This changed almost immediately because I kept having ideas for new insert fics. Maze (Literal, Metaphorical), Girls Talk, and Halls That Make a Home were not in the original list of ideas, and HTMaH was just supposed to be a filler fic once inserted but ended up somewhere halfway between that and plot since it brings up the Entrapta thing before we hit the portal and is where Adora reveals her backstory.

The fact I kept wanting to move around fics didn’t help. The first 3 fics were as planned, the forth fic was supposed to be “something in the Rebellion,” which I suppose it is, only the ideas that were supposed to go there ended up being in the 11th fic in the series. Then the 5th was as planned, 6th and 7th were come up with while writing the series (the single fic that was supposed to take their place ended up as a scene in the 11th fic), and 8, 9, and 10 were as planned. 11 kind of fluctuated but was originally the library fic before that got moved earlier (because I really wanted to write it and it was a good way to introduce the Entrapta thing). 12, 13, and 14 were all as planned again, though.

BTW, when I say “as planned,” I mean the fic topic was as planned. Some of them still saw changes within that fic, but most of them were just a few sentences of summary so there was plenty of room to grow.

Also… let’s talk about those other endings. Because I ended up with two “main” versions once the deflection was planned, so there was a second version of the ending I was toying with up until the point of no return (fic 8). The other version of the end was that Scorpia never connected with the Garnet, but they discovered the Heart, and Light Hope was forced to try to activate it. Without the Garnet connected, it couldn’t go through, but it started enough for Prime to pick up signals and he (at least kind of) realized what Etheria’s deal was. This was the first way I explained the sword being kept intact (though Catra did still help Adora out).

What did this result in? Well, Prime figured out the temporal thing and started sending clones back in time to fight Etheria. This led to a much different looking war, with clones at first supplementing the Horde’s ranks, and then overthrowing Hordak when they realized what was up and marching on everybody. Once sent back in time, however, they were cut off from the hivemind and it was a disorganized mess, so Prime himself eventually realized that was the problem after sending waves and waves of clones back in time and went back himself. The stand off happened pretty similarly, Adora purified him and freed all the clones in their time, and then they used the Heart to move Etheria into the wider world, scattering the army in the process.

Honestly, there’s just a lot of logistical problems with this version of the end, and maybe I could have hammered them out and changed things around, but I liked the version I used better because it was just simpler and I feel like all that timetravel and different-looking war stuff would have gotten convulted and muddied the story pretty quickly. As much as I liked the idea of going in on my time travel headcanon, it was just too much. It would have necessitated at least two more fics that I don’t think would have been that interesting. I love how this series came out, so I think I made the right call there, lol. The only loss was that “This is Where Separation Ends” doesn’t also represent Etheria moving into the universe anymore since that already happened two fics ago, but it’s still the effective joining with the universe since Prime’s army was cutting them off, so good enough lol.

Meta:

Season One Fic Notes

Catra’s clothes (Wild, Weird)

Series Directory/Share Links

Upcoming:

I’m torn between two projects right now, so I’m not sure yet, but it’ll be a short multi-chapter fic either way so it will probably start in the next couple days

[strawberrycola]

hello. i made a very long, very indulgent addition to the sam and max subreddit post earlier, and decided to make it its own post because i had way too many thoughts for a reblog. and the idea of clogging notes was eating away at my brain like mice eat a cheese. this is mostly just train of thought, so i apologise if it's complete nonsense. i've just thought a lot about sam and max's relationship, and the connection lgbt (and neurodivergent, for that matter) fans have had to the series, from my perspective since i was like 8. obviously that's gonna be tinted thru a tumblr lens, because ftmp that's where i see The Good Stuff. and i'm gay as hell, so there's bias. ok read more time kiss kiss.

anyhoozles, coincidentally i've been back on my sam and max bullshit recently, as i finally got a chance to play "this time it's virtual". and discovered vr is not my thing.

so to start, listen...i don't think sam and max's relationship is quite as cut and dry as i believe myself and perhaps many others would imagine/hope. i'm eyeing the "susan" gag from the aformentioned ttiv, in particular. but as your resident specialist in "complex and obscure knowledge of three series total or so", the question of sam and max's relationship has been here since the very beginning of the official comics. like. this has been a thing. pretending it's new is foolhardy. and wrong. obviously there's "like butch and sundance", the wedding toppers, hell, the devs of the telltale game trilogy lampshade their relationship a very decent amount, both in the game itself and in the commentary. at the end of 209, "chariot of the dogs", they directly bring it up during the final cutscene tie straightening maneuver max does. one of the devs literally gets excited about it, iirc. and one of my personal favourite examples is "do you find my warmth...alarming, sam?" from 305, "the city that dares not sleep."

that, in particular, is one of several lines directly from MR. PURCELL HIMSELF, that he gave to the devs each game as lines that must be in the game.

and speaking of season 3, i'd like to mention 305, "they stole max's brain".

(i am now holding "noir sam" so close to my chest, jsyk. that trope means the world to me. it has influenced SO much of my work, and i still use napalm's playthrough on youtube as a sleep aid. REMASTER WHEN.)

of course i and many others latched onto that shit, are you kidding me???? that whole episode was RIPE for hurt/comfort. minor spoiler warning for those that would mind, it's a roaring rampage of revenge plot. at least for the first 30 minutes or so. it's part of a long history between the two of freaking the hell out the second they're separated from each other in a way that doesn't end in like, five minutes. (305. if you know, you know. fkin brutal, man.) sam, in the second act of the game, has been affected by an alternate reality plot, and fully believes he has carried max's brain in a jar his whole LIFE and seemingly has no plans to stop doing so!! it's part of a season where the WHOLE PLOT revolves around the nature of their relationship and how it could change. you don't have to be a shipper yourself to understand how that could be incredibly compelling to the people that fancy them as a couple.

and it's a fandom that i give a lot of credit to lgbt people for revitalising in the mid 2010s~ (i was already a fan by then, and i'm still really curious as to why it blew up so much, but hey, who's complaining?), as well as in 2021~ in response to skunkape's remaster of telltale's season one "save the world" installment, and the release of ttiv. (obviously the actual demographic spread across platform to platform is a varied thing, etc. etc. i'd like to stay firmly in my lane, and i don't wanna overstate any particular demos in my discussion here, or hyperbolise too much.)

Obviously, you don't have. to be a shipper. completely fine. pretty common. Who Give A Care. and we're not even gonna get into the "not suitable" content. i can't fault anyone for not being cool with the actual sexualisation of childhood stuff they like. that's something i'm pretty "ambivalent with a leaning towards discomfort" about for quite a few things myself. and it turns out there wasn't even any "unmentionable graphic imagery" to begin with. shocking. HOWEVER. i'm fascinated but not completely surprised by the blatant homophobia and disgust towards the fanart of the ship.

like, to be nuanced about things, and it's not like the admin is extending the same courtesy here, this is clearly an older fan. like i think from around the same timeframe i was first introduced to it, give or take. maybe they missed a lot of the tumblr mid-2010s activity, or maybe that's going in to their Burning Disgust towards Yaoi Sam and Max Kissing Not Clickbait. i know the fanart had some level of cross-posting, at least on youtube as dubs iirc. OR maybe i'm a fool who is actively tricking you with my words and none of the above is true at all. however...pal. again, in my opinion, we owe those lgbt and neurodivergent kids and adults our whole rights as a fan community. you don't have to like it, but you do have to be respectful, jerkbag.

i can't be the only one who was devastated by the drought of content post "the devil's playhouse". we had a [1] singular whole webcomic to tide us over, with the occasional sketch on purcell's social medias. of course, there was a small community of fans, and some incredible stuff they made, looking at you Sam Dies At The End. i weeped. but it was slow and steady. and then, out of seemingly nowhere, people en masse suddenly REALLY CARED ABOUT THE THING THAT BROUGHT ME SO MUCH JOY AS A LITTLE GUY. like, fuck man...i first found out what autism was when i was real young because max's character description on wikipedia contained speculation as to whether or not he has it. (jury's still out, ...but we all have our little comforts. okay? also speaking of, "is max gay?" is like. one of the longest ongoing bits. like cmon dude.) now granted, by 2021 i was a little old for the new wave of shipping that sprouted up. tiktok edits are Not Always My Thing. but that's okay!!!! it doesn't need to be my thing. i'm really glad they're having fun. :] and i don't want to come across as like. infantilising in my discussion of the younger fanbase, so i apologise if my tone has come across that way. it really is simply the comforting thought that kids like me can experience what i had.

i remember how much fun my friends and i used to have when we were 16! (hi xavier, if ur reading this. miss you, buddy. :]) we got silly with it! we got angsty about season 3!! we wrote fanfiction, hell, an amazing fic my friend wrote that i beta'd is still the most kudos'd shipping fic on ao3!! the fanartists i liked had such an INCREDIBLE grasp on how to write sam and max's banter. it was a good time! and knowing these characters are giving joy to a new generation makes me giddy, dude. hell yeah! get "feral" or whatever the hell it is these days. find comfort in characters that don't really care about anyone's opinion except each other's, who get to be as weird and annoying and gross as they want all the time. that tend to punch up. that show love differently than what's seen as conventional. that end up saving the day, not even because they have to, so much as they genuinely enjoy each adventure together. max was my personal opportunity to feel comfort in all my weird freaky mannerisms i kept safe behind the polished exterior i had to wear as a kid. i found solace in the thought that those two were practically made for each other, as i stumbled through my own gender and sexuality crises. i loved how dry and dark sam was allowed to be. the banjo bits, the phone jokes, the repartee. so much of this series has influenced me, and helped me become who i am, as a creator and as a functional guy who Does Things.

so that's a small bit of why i think sam and max had, and still has, a lot of appeal to people that grew up like me. there's a lot of rough stuff i went through that made the idea of a couple of anarchist detectives completely devoted to one another that go around the seedy underbelly of america saving the day ("almost on purpose!") really, really interesting. steve purcell is unapologetic about how gross america can be, especially in the comics. at the heart of it, sam and max do what they do both because they enjoy it, and they enjoy each other. and i think, to overlook that, is to miss some of the whole point of the franchise. oh, i'm sorry, giant cockroaches literally everywhere is fine, streets crusted in various goos, totally chill, but gay kissing is the thing that Absolutely Nauseates you? plugging your ears and screaming gross seems like...kind of a weak move here, ngl. a work that doesn't shy away from how confusing and wild life can be has a decent chance to be compelling to marginalised groups, who often have to put up with the more disgusting aspects of reality anyways. at least these two odd guys are having fun with it. sam and max understand each other, each of their strengths and flaws, and choose to be with each other every day because of and in spite of them. they choose to love where they are, because of and in spite of its many, many, many flaws. they choose to be who they are because they love what they do. there's something touching there, if you like to think about such things. there are some occasions i find myself wishing sam and max's relationship was more...concrete. i wish we had an answer to Does Sam And Max Is Gay? but at the same time, being vague and obtuse is like. their whole shtick. so maybe it's just right how it is. and uh. obviously this is a fictional series. in the end, it's all how we enjoy it that matters, and it's not the end of the world. and as a final cherry on top, nothing beats turning to my husband and asking, "is sam and max queerbait", before delighting in the 3 hr conversation that follows.

and to get to the point. as the old adage unfortunately goes, it's...okay. to not like...ships. and i can even somewhat understand being frustrated by a subreddit you created being "flooded" by a thing you're not into. only somewhat, because a: we've always been here, and b: because you can. just not look at it? idk if reddit has a filtering system, but. the scroll wheel is free. to throw a tantrum and ban topics because you're personally offended people think they're gay? you might be missing out on some of the most fun you can have outside the series, and you're spitting in the face of the people who held this fandom up on their shoulders like atlas.

and you're being a dick about it.

TO CONCLUDE:

wah wah they're gay gay homosexual gay and they don't pay taxes. deal or die, fake fan.

[im-a-secret-to-everyone]

hello 👋

you can call me sonia, my pronouns are she/they.

i made this blog because i need a space where i can be honest (and vent) without my mutuals seeing. a lot of them are mormon and i'm not. i've only known them for a few months but they're the only friends i have and i can't lose them. obviously their beliefs are irrelevant to our relationships but i know that it would be a very bad idea to start reblogging "lds is a cult" type stuff on my main.

so i'm here because:

i want to learn more and share my thoughts without the risk of losing my friends.

i want to know if there's a way to gently introduce ideas of deconversion, and how to do it if so. if not, i just want people to talk to.

i want to find a support system for the next year while my friend is on a mission. my mental health tanks every time i get their weekly message and i just can't continue like this while the rest of my friend group is happy and blindly supportive of everything the church is making them do (and not letting them do).

a few disclaimers:

i'm a lifelong atheist and my entire education on mormonism has come from the exmo tags over the last few weeks. i don't pretend to completely understand the struggles that everybody involved is going through, but i hope that it's ok for me to share my empathy.

i don't assign any blame to people who were born and raised in the cult and continue to be a part of it. my strategy to combat abuse and manipulation is to be available for an honest conversation and show what the other side is like. i believe that so many of my generation will figure it out and change things for the better.

i'm trying my best to be respectful and imitate the language that i've observed but if i misword anything, please tell me and i'll fix it.

i'm not anti-religion. i have a lot of mixed feelings about religion but for the sake of right now, i'm anti-cult only.

and some brief rules:

since this is mostly a safe space for me to sort out my thoughts, and because i don't have the same experiences, please don't send me traumadumps. there's lots of blogs who are way more qualified than me. however, i'm always willing to send hugs if you need one.

nasty anons get deleted.

don't suggest anything along the lines of cutting my friends out.

i'm going to try my best to keep this separate from my main but if i slip up in any way (like a post, reblog to the wrong blog, reveal too much), please either quietly point it out or keep it to yourself depending on the severity. as i said before, i really don't want to jeopardize my relationships with my friends.

i know they don't belong to me, but i'm tagging this post for visibility since it's better than choosing random people and sending them asks or something. i'll be here in my corner if anybody is willing to talk to me <3