#hope everyone's week is going alright tho!! 💜

[byanyan]

my queue is empty... but i haven't the spoons to write anything to fill it up for tomorrow 😔

[the-kipsabian]

Crush anon here I went through a stint when I was younger of losing some people back to back tho it was months / a year apart and I’ve lost a couple people a few years apart here recently one I just lost a few weeks back another just a few months ago

Grief is never ever easy but it’s much harder when you don’t experience it for a while and then suddenly you’re hit with it so quickly so much at once

The regrets are very very real and valid and I understand the connection disconnection thing felt that way about my paw he was good to me most of the time but was terrible to my mother and bad mouthed my dead nana his ex wife fairly often and she was my entire universe tbh so made for a very mixed relationship with him

Fond memories of eating out with him or going to the library

But then horrible ones of him bad mouthing my nana and him not being allowed at her funeral and him being horrid to my mom who despite my admittedly terrible relationship I still felt so much anger seeing her treated so wrongly

Point is people are complicated grief will be complicated often the more complicated the relationship with the person before they died the more complication with the grief is what I’ve found

I find myself feeling a mixture of hating not visiting my grandma in the nursing home more vs remembering times she blamed me for things that weren’t my fault or had meltdowns over small things and not necessarily feeling glad I didn’t visit more I will always regret not visiting more but it sorta in a way removes the rose tinted glasses I had as a kid before I realized and was told some of the stuff she was doing to me was wrong

I’m so sorry for such back to back losses I could never begin to imagine your exact feelings everyone grieves and feels differently and being numb is sometimes a way we can feel whether it be because we’re not ready to feel properly or we feel like we can’t because we have to remain strong for anyone else or whether it just happens

It’s okay like I said people are complicated and therefore grief will be as well and all that matters is we find what works for us and we work through it at safely and at our own pace

Sometimes it will be all at once other times it will be much more sporadic and sometimes even if it’s all at once there can still be smaller times or even bigger times we have random breaks and everything

It’s all okay, I hope you’ll be alright and I hope this makes sense and helps you somehow

I often use my own experiences to try to help others so <3

yeah its. its a lot rn. my grandpa passed away on thursday and my grandma last night so thats. yeah

the thing for me is, apart from getting hit with all of this rapid fire after not experiencing loss in years, its just.. i didnt really have a relationship in the recent years with either of them. mostly cause my grandpa wasnt really a great person and my grandma was secluded and didnt really like me so like.. yeah. i have a lot of guilt of not trying to mend any relationships like that and just having the rest of the family to handle them, but ive been living with the regrets and could-have-beens the past few days a lot and. its just a lot. especially since now theres two people like that and two relationships that are no more that i somehow need to try to deal with

idk like i said in the tags its a very complicated thing for me. im trying to do this at my own pace but its just.. odd to me. and i know its normal but i also feel guilty about it. about a lot of things, like said. i'll be fine eventually, probably cause thats just how life is and since these relationships werent that good or close.. but it still hurts. idk man

thank you tho, i do really appreciate you reaching out 💜

[calpalirwin]

Hiya Mamma B!

10 days away??!!! Holy shirtballs where did the time go? I'm excited for you, monsieur wife, and maximilian and am sending good and positive and healthy vibes your way. 💜💜

As for me. I'm okay. I got my booster yesterday and other than chills and my arm not wanting to be used Im not too bad. They went away over night tho so that's good. Also just had my fave soup (pub style chicken pot pie for the win!!) so feeling okay

Work is... strange. My department of 6ish had a mass exodus of 3 Very Key players within 3-4 months of the first dominoe falling and it was terrifying. My boss is trying to do a trial by fire thing with me cause the first few months i was hired the person I was under didnt really train me so I'm way behind. The only thing tho is that my boss isnt the most ✨mentoring✨ of people. Which she knows so thats good.

But i see emails or dms of hers come in and my heart like. Stops. Cause im so anxious of what she is going to say and how she is going to say it.

The big wigs are making us go back in the office once a week which is annoying because they took out all of the walls FOR NO REASON AT ALL. and it sucks because there are so.Many.Noises. and i tend feel really unproductive and exposed because everyone can see everything.

Very long thought throw up. But yeah. I'm alright. Which is okay. Cause alright and okay aren't bad places to be.

Thanks for doing a mental health check in! Love ya! 💜💜

1.) YAY FOR THE BOOSTER!!!! I get mine on Monday and then I’m all good to go with all my shots for me and Max. My arm didn’t hurt like at all when I got my flu shot last week, and the original doses of the covid vaccine didn’t make me feel sick, so I’m hoping that I’ll be able to coast right through this booster with no problems.

2.) Work stress. I feel ya. Despite being not a real teacher, I was/am the most experienced in my little department at work and one teacher keeps routinely fucking up and was trying to blame it on us tutors being “inconsistent” when I left. But my boss/work bestie practically laughed him out of the meeting for that because I am ✨the best���. But yeah, I feel the work stress. And the thing about feeling unproductive when you’re being watched basically and the noises. Yeah, that’s the one thing I liked about working from home last year. The outside regular world is very overwhelming sensory wise.

3.) But you got this!!!! Go you!!!! Alright and okay are totally acceptable places to be. Love ya!