#hooty x evander

[bisexualalexclaremontdiaz]

A Very Hoovander Christmas (AKA Just Kill Me Now)

This is my Christmas gift to my wife @phobidawg​ and I hope you appreciate how I corrupted my soul beyond repair writing this. Like,

Anyways, don’t read this unless you’re part of the RCSFU, trust me. If you do read it, finish up your will first cuz ur not surviving this.

Hooty stared down a rat that scampered in front of the door of the owl house, its small toes making a tempting pitter-patter against the ground. He slowly moved closer and closer to it, his mouth watering at the sight of its plump body. It gave its ear a little scratch and Hooty could wait no longer. 

With one swift motion, Hooty scooped the rat into his mouth, swallowing it whole. However, the rat didn’t go down easy and for a moment Hooty began to choke. 

“Hoot, hoot,” he coughed shrilly, trying to get the rat down his throat. His eyes watered and his throat was sore but he managed to swallow the creature.

“Ahem,” a voice came from next to him. He whipped his elongated body toward the noise and found the source to be a red-haired man in a dark green suit.

A very handsome man.

“Hi,” Hooty attempted to say seductively but his throat was still scratchy from choking on the rat and he ended up just sounding strangled. He felt his cheeks warm in a blush but the man only raised a bushy, red eyebrow towards him. 

“Is this,” he pulled out a paper from his green briefcase and read something off of it, “the owl house residence?”

“It is, hoot,” he replied, leaning towards the beautiful man, “Are you looking for someone?”

The man leaned away from him and Hooty felt a small sting in his heart, “Yes, I booked a room here and it says here I need to see Edalyn Clawthorne?”

“I can get her,” Hooty looked into his light green eyes, trying not to swoon. He didn’t break this eye contact as he bellowed out in an unearthly shriek, “EDAAAAA!”

The man didn’t give a start or even break eye contact at the scream and only calmly moved his eyes to Eda when she walked out of the house.

“Are you Edalyn Clawthorne?” Hooty watched his red moustache move as he spoke.

“Are you a cop?” Eda answered, arms crossed and eyebrows raised.

“No,” The man said but then cocked his head, “Well, kind of. But I’m not here for that. I’m Evander Wade and I booked a room here.”

At this he looked the owl house up and down, pursing his soft, pink lips, “It looks different from the brochure.”

“That’s the magic of editing, kid,” Eda smirked and pushed open the door, “Come on in.”

“Does this place do refunds?”

“Of course not,” Eda scoffed and Hooty watched as she produced the key to the spare room, “What kind of amateur conwoman do you think I am?”

The man, Evander, took the key from her hand, stretched away from him like it was something dirty. He let Eda lead him to the spare room and Hooty watched as he walked away, up the stairs. 

“Who’s that?” King’s squeaky voice came from next to him.

“Evander Wade,” Hooty sighed the name, savouring the way it sounded, “He’s staying here, hoot.” 

“What? Why?” King whined, “I don’t want some leprechaun man staying here.”

Hooty took in King’s comment and realized, yes, Evander did kind of look like a leprechaun, didn’t he? A sexy one, for sure.

“You know Eda, hoot,” Hooty replied to King, “Always looking for ways to make money, hoot hoot.”

“Well, how long is he staying?” King prodded and Hooty opened his beak to tell him he didn’t know but instead Eda’s voice came from the stairs.

“A week,” Eda told them, “He’ll be working the whole time. You won’t even know the guy’s here.”

“He’s staying here on Christmas?”

As King whined and Eda argued, Hooty let their voices fade and looked upwards, to where he could imagine Evander was unpacking his things. A week with this strange, gorgeous man. Hooty couldn’t help but smile at the thought.

--

It had been three days. Three days of Evander staying there, in the owl house. And Hooty had yet to have another conversation with him.

Evander never left his room, not even to eat. Why did he come here if he wasn’t going to leave his room? Hooty eventually decided enough was enough and resolved to bring Evander some food. So he set a plate of fresh rats that he had hunted himself and headed up the stairs.

Evander’s door was right at the end of the hallway and suddenly Hooty began to become nervous. What if Evander laughed at him? Told him to go away?

Hooty pushed these feelings down and knocked on the door, “Evander? Mr. Wade? I thought you could use something to eat since you haven’t left your room in a while? Hoot?”

For a moment there was no answer and Hooty scolded himself for disturbing him. He turned to leave when he heard a creak.

“What’s that?” his voice was rough and Hooty’s breath caught in his lungs.

“Rats,” he managed to hoot, “I hunted them just for you.”

“Thanks,” he took the plate, picking up one of the rats. Hooty watched as Evander brought the rat to his mouth and opened it to reveal sharp, white fangs. The fangs pierced into the skin of the rats and slowly sucked the blood out of their lifeless bodies.

He must have noticed the look of intrigue on Hooty’s face because he clarified, “I’m half vampire. From my father’s side.”

“Your father is a vampire, hoot?” Hooty’s eyes widened, “And your mother?”

Evander shifted uncomfortably, “I’d rather not talk about my mother.”

“Hoot, is that why you aren’t spending Christmas with them?” Hooty asked, then cursed himself for being too forward. But Evander didn’t seem to mind.

“Partly, yes,” Evander replied, “But also because I have work.”

“You’re working?” Hooty hooted, “On, hoot, Christmas? You can’t work on Christmas!”

“I haven’t had a real Christmas in a long time,” Evander said and Hooty’s heart ached for him.

“Well, you can have Christmas with us!” Hooty brightened at the thought, “It will be fun, hoot!”

“I don’t know,” Evander looked hesitant but Hooty had made up his mind.

“You’re having Christmas with us,” Hooty announced, “And that’s final, hoot!”

Evander gave him a small amused smile and Hooty was sure his heart would burst.

“Okay.”

--

“I can’t hooting believe this!” 

“Hooty, it’s not that big of a deal,” Evander attempted to calm him down. But even someone as fucking hot as Evander couldn't calm him down right now.

Eda and King had decided, without telling Hooty, that they would be spending Christmas with Lilith. If it wasn't for Evander, he would have been left all alone.

"Your first Christmas," Hooty now turned to the vampire leprechaun, "And it's just you and me, hoot."

Evander took a step closer to him, "Maybe- Maybe that's how I want it."

Hooty's anger fell away at those words. He and Evander had grown closer over these past few days, with Evander opening up to Hooty about his family and Hooty in turn told him about what it was like to be an elongated owl house thing.

There had been instances, in their conversations, where Hooty was sure Evander would make a move. But the subject would change or they would be interrupted. Hooty was beginning to wonder if the universe was against them for some reason.

But now, with Evander's hesitant words, the way his green eyes held his own brown ones, how he leaned towards him, Hooty was sure that this was finally happening. 

The light streaming through the windows caught in Evander’s red hair and Hooty felt his owl heart speed up.

He opened his beak to speak, “Evander, hoo-”

He couldn’t even finish his hoot because suddenly Evander was kissing him. The lips of the vampire leprechaun felt soft against his beak. For a moment, Hooty couldn't breathe but then instinct took over.

When they finally pulled apart, Evander placed his hand on Hooty's face.

"Thank you," he said softly, "for teaching me the true meaning of Christmas."

"Hoot," Hooty hooted, "anytime. I just wished that you didn't have to leave tomorrow."

"Actually about that," Evander looked hopeful, "I have a surprise for you."

"What is it, hoot?"

"I left my job!" Evander revealed, "I'm no longer a fascist supercop. I have no job now!"

"Wow, Evander," Hooty swooned, "I can't believe you left your job for me, a person/elongated owl thing you've only known for a week. That's so romantic!"

"I know right," Evander grinned, "And to think my mother used to say I wasn't a romantic."

Hooty leaned onto Evander, burying his feathery head into his chest, breathing in the smell of four leaf clovers. He sighed happily as he thought to the days ahead, filled with hope.

This was the best Christmas ever.