#hoooo i missed writing

[mad4turtles]

Hi 🙂 Loved your work over on Ao3, so I thought I'd shoot my shot at a rottmnt fic request!I had an idea for a prompt that has a premise like

• Takes place in the future timeline.

• I hc that CJ probably had at least ONE super rebellious moment in his younger years. I mean he's a child raised by both Cassandra Jones and the Hamatos 😂

• Casey Jr is still young enough that he's not allowed on missions

I can imagine CJ really pushing to start going on missions after witnessing the aftermath of one gone very bad. He just wants to be more useful & be able to protect his family like they always protect him and aid the Resistance. Casey and Leo probably get into it on the topic of Casey going on missions cause Leo is both his sensei AND one of his primary parental figures. CJ wants, Leo definitely does not want.

CJ sneaks out anyway to prove a point & scares the crap out of the fam. CJ runs into some trouble, maybe gets only mildly hurt, but scared & definitely learned an important lesson. Leo and the squad pull up ready to annihilate x5 cause their kid is the thing that's in danger. Some much needed, healthy heart to heart between Leo and CJ after everyone is safe and any wounds are treated. Cause their bond has me in a chokehold 🥹

Thank you for offering up request! Super awesome if this prompt is do-able for you!

... anon. my friend, my good pal. Do you know what you have done to me?

I HAVE BEEN WAITING FOR AN EXCUSE TO LION KING THE HELL OUT OF THESE TURTLES AND YOU HAVE GRANTED MY WISH. I salute you!

This is a two-parter because I got 9 pages in and really didn't want to rush this. I was having far too much fun!

Enjoy Part 1 XD

(EDIT: PART 2 IS HERE)

---

brave when i have to be

“Absolutely not.”

And really, Casey should have expected it. Even so, his jaw drops. “What?! Why?!”

Master Hamato Leonardo, leader of the only Resistance faction in the remains of Merica, and Casey's godfather, plants his hands on his hips and sighs. “We've been over this a thousand times, CJ—”

“But sensei,” Casey interrupts, stepping forward and clutching Uncle Tello's chainsaw hockey stick tight to his chest, “I can help! I'm not as strong as you, but I can still hold my own! I can scout, carry supplies back to base, or—or anything besides sitting around down here doing nothing while everyone else—!”

“I sincerely hope you're not just 'sitting around down here doing nothing' when there is plenty of training you could be doing and studying you can be catching up on,” Uncle Leo—no, Sensei right now—shoots back with an arched brow, frowning. At Casey's silent squirming, he leans forward with narrowed eyes that the boy avoids. "Don't think I haven't noticed. I got word from your dear Uncle Tello that your most recent test scores were, ah, disappointing.”

“Snitch,” Casey whines, scowling at the floor. 

Sensei leans back with another sigh, massaging his wrinkled brow with his prosthetic hand. Casey tries not to stare and fails. 

“Look, bud,” Sensei says, “Your heart is in the right place. You want to help, prove yourself and all that jazz, and you've come a long way. I mean that. But you're still young. Hell, even I wasn't going out fighting bad guys when I was your age; I was hot-wiring cars with Don for joyrides, vandalizing corporate office buildings—shitty teenage boy stuff that we thought was cool. Right now, that's all I want from you; to be safe down here, doing shitty teenage boy stuff while you still can. And keeping up with your training and studies, too, that's kinda important.”

Casey rolls his eyes. “Kinda hard to do that stuck down here, but whatever...” he mutters.

 Sensei's eye twitches. “Okay, I know I just said you should be a shitty teen, but that attitude right now is no bueno, niñito.”

“I'm not a little boy anymore, Sensei!” Casey cries. “I can take care of myself! I can fight, just like you! This is what you trained me for, isn't it?! To fight the Krang and save our world! I can help, why won't you let me—?!”

“Because you're not ready, dammit!” Sensei snaps, and Casey almost jumps. The slider lets out another breath, muttering what sounds like a prayer for patience. “You're not ready, Case. The Krang are stronger than all of us—I can barely stand to send your uncles and aunt up there, you think I wanna drag you along and watch you get—”

“I'm not weak, Sensei!”

“I'm not saying that, don't put words into my mouth—”

“Well, you're sure implying it!”

“Again, you can knock off that attitude—jeez, I sound like my Dad—”

“I'm not a baby, Sensei!” Casey stomps his foot. Yes, it's childish, but damn it, his Sensei won't listen. “You can't shelter me from everything!”

“You're really gonna make me say it. You're really gonna make me pull that card, aren't you.”

Casey bristles, his chest hot. “Don't—“

“Your mother left me with a responsibility to look after you, kid,” Sensei cuts in like a knife, prodding a metal finger in Casey's chest where his mother's mask is tucked against his shirt. “I promised her that I'd watch over you if the worst ever happened. And guess what, it did. And if you think for a second that I'm gonna break that promise over your stupid-ass death wish—!”

Eyes stinging and hot, Casey slaps the metal hand away and screams, “To hell what you think, you're not my father!”

Silence. 

Casey hears a leaky pipe dripping, his own thundering heartbeat. He looks up. His Sensei's face is slack with shock—and a hint of hurt—as he stares at Casey. For what feels like forever, they just stare at each other.

Casey wants to take it back—he needs to take it back because none of that was even remotely true or fair. It was mean, and Casey Jones Jr is a lot of things but he's not mean. That's not how he was raised, in part by the very turtle standing before him. He has to take it back.

But while Casey isn't mean, he is every inch his mother in her stubbornness, so he locks his jaw.

Sensei's expression goes blank. The slider takes a step back, drawing a deep breath that's barely steady, shoulders squared and shit. Casey should've taken it back. 

“... You're right,” Sensei says, his voice hard and cold. “You're right. I'm not your father. But I am your teacher and your superior officer, and as long as you're living under my layer of earth and metal, you'll obey my rules. You can start by reporting to the mess hall to cover Dan on dish duty, then you can take yourself straight to your quarters for the rest of the evening. Tee-ell-dee-arr, this discussion is over, and your ass is grounded.”

Casey chokes. “W-What?!”

"Uh-huh. For a month."

"What?!"

“You heard me. Think of this as your punishment for your insubordination and disrespect.”

“Kutabare.”

“I beg your pardon?”

“You can't just—!”

“Keep it up and see what happens, I am being so serious right now.”

Casey meets his Sensei glare for glare. Ultimately, stubbornness aside, Casey relents first, scowling at the floor. “... Yessir,” he bites out.

Sensei nods curtly. “Good. Dismissed.” 

Casey turns on his heel and storms out of Sensei's room, hissing under his breath the whole way to the mess hall. 

(He doesn't hear his Sensei's hitched sigh or see the trembling hand that covers his face as he sits heavily on the bed.)

~0o0~

It's a stupid, stupid idea. 

But his Sensei always told him to trust his gut and follow his heart—it's his greatest strength—and Casey's heart is screaming at him to help. 

This isn't for him—not entirely. It's for everyone who comes home beaten and bloody, hope crumbling with every defeat. It's for the ones who never come back—for his Mom and Uncle Raph, who loved him, all of them, enough to stay behind and die with a war cry and a smile. It's for his Sensei, still recovering from losing his arm.

I'm doing this for them, he thinks as he slips his mask on, putting all his training to use as he sticks to the shadows, creeping along the edge of the crowd of foragers before slipping into an empty crate. His heart pounds in his ribcage, ears ringing as he feels the crate start to move, mechanical wheels squeaking as the squad move out through the tunnels. 

I'm not weak. I'm not defenceless. I can do this. I can help.

~0o0~

Casey doesn't go to the surface often. Uncle Tello used to bring him up to try and find the stars when the pollution wasn't as dense, lifting him and pointing out the constellations they could see from their hiding spot. Master Michelangelo brought him once to fly him over the ruins of New York, and show him what had once been a bustling city full of people; Casey still can't wrap his head around that many people existing in one space without a care.

But that was years ago.

Casey can still find his way back to base. He has the evacuation routes memorized down to the last detail, and Master Michelangelo had left mystic markings to lead lost ones back home, near invisible unless you knew what to look for—

“Or if you're family,” he'd said with a grin and wink. “Then you won't just see it. You'll feel it. The pull of home.”

Now, as Casey wanders the wasteland of what used to be Lower Manhattan, he wishes he could feel that pull. Leaving the foraging troop to scout ahead for danger was not one of his better ideas. Especially when they didn't know you had tagged along, and they move on without you. 

If I don't die out here, I'm dead when I get back, Casey thinks as he crouches behind the wreckage of a vehicle buried in the ruins, trying not to panic and mostly failing.

Sensei had lost his arm in their most recent mission. He'd barely made it back alive, Commander O'Neil dragging him on her back, ragged, burnt and losing blood fast. They were among the seven survivors from the raid that had left with seventeen. 

It was close. They'd had a replacement ready in time, but it was. Too. Close. 

Casey had already lost his mom. He can barely remember her voice now. He can't lose Uncle Leo. He can't lose anyone else because he can't protect them. He can't. He won't. 

Still, he thinks as he curls up into a ball to fight the chill sweeping across the landscape, you probably should've listened.

“What do we have here?”

Casey's heart skips. 

Shit.

Instinct saves him as he rolls out of the way right as the robotic claws of a Krang suit obliterate his shelter. 

The dust clears, revealing the glowing, delighted eyes of the creature piloting the mech suit looming over him. Jagged teeth flash in the red glare of the mech's singular eye as the Krang grins down at the boy trembling at its feet.

Casey gapes behind his mask. He'd gone out looking for trouble, and it finds him in the form of—

“Krang Subprime!”

Subprime cackles. “That's right! I see that my reputation precedes me. About damn time, too!”

Casey's heard enough stories and reports to know how dangerous Subprime is. Responsible for leading the charge that had wiped out Asia and melted the icecaps, he's Krang Prime's right hand for a reason. 

He'd gotten the drop on the raid team in the last mission. He'd taken Uncle Leo's arm. And now he's found Casey. Alone. 

Casey can't beat him. He'll die out here, and no one will know until it's too late.

You should've listened.

But Subprime has a weakness. A glaring one that most Krang don't seem to have. All Casey needs to do is exploit it, buy himself some time. He won't win, but he'll live. And get this asshole back for nearly killing his Uncle. Maybe. Hopefully.

Spirits, please let this work.

“Not really,” he says, surprised when his voice doesn't shake like the rest of him. “Everyone thinks you're freaking annoying, nothing compared to Prime. My Uncle says your all bark, no balls.”

Subprime's eyes pop open wide, mouth gaping like a fish. Casey considers laughing.

(His one weakness: his ego is fragile as hell.)

“You—You little shit!” he squawks, stomping closer and leaning down until he's face to wrinkled, pink face with Casey, eyes blazing. Casey holds his position, gripping his weapon tight in one hand, holding his breath against the stink of Krang flesh and dripping saliva. 

“I should vaporize your sorry butt right freaking here, you disrespectful waste of flesh! Sure, Prime may be our leader, but I'm the tactical mastermind, y'hear me! I'm the reason we've come this far in taking over this planet! I'm the brains in the outfit—!”

“Literally though,” Casey grins, shifting ever so slightly on his back. Rocks and metal dig into his back, and he does his best to ignore it. He has never been this close to a living Krang, and he's scared shitless, but he can't falter. He can still get away. He can still live. “I mean, You are a giant brain thing in a mech suit, so...”

“Shut up! You talk more than that dumb blue turtle with the fancy sword.” Then Subprime grins, slow and vicious. “Speaking of which, how is he? Last I saw, he was bleedin' out pretty bad after I bit his arm off. Never heard him scream like that. It was music to my ears.” He licks his lips. “His blood tasted delightful.”

Casey wants to be sick. He wants to kill this disgusting son of a bitch more than he's ever wanted anything in his life. 

Keep your cool, Case, Sensei's voice echoes in his ears. Anger is a dangerous ally when it's not focused. Sharpen it. Give it form. 

Casey breathes in. 

“Aw, got nothin' to say, pipsqueak?” Subprime chuckles, slamming a metal hand beside Casey's head, caging him in. “Now, you've got two options. You can spend the rest of your worthless life in our labour camp, or go ahead and make your last request. If nothing else, it'll be entertaining. I do enjoy the way you humans beg for mercy.”

Casey breathes out. 

“In that case, I have one request if you would kindly grant it,” he says softly. 

Subprime chortles and leans in, jagged teeth dripping. “I'm all ears.” 

“Could you scream in agony like a little girl bleeding from the face?”

Subprime blinks. “Could I what—?”

Casey thrusts his roaring chainsaw into Subprime's left eye. 

Subprime screeches and rears back, metal hand cradling his bleeding face. “YOU—YOU SON OF A—!”

Casey is already running, leaping over and ducking under debris and wreckages from a time long gone. 

For my Sensei, you dusty bitch!

He can hear Subprime giving chase, moving faster than anything Casey can hope to outpace. But he has size on his side, and he squeezes through tight gaps between collapsed buildings and pipework, crawling through a gaping fissure in the ground leading to the sewer system. Far too big and down an eye, Subprime struggles to catch up, bellowing and hissing after Casey as he brute forces his way through the rubble and vines, claws just catching the frayed hem of Casey's cape.

“Shit—!” Casey stumbles, careening into a wall slick with Krang slime and—a familiar smell that Casey doesn't want to think about too much as he bolts down through the tunnel, feet and heart pounding. He'd thought—hoped—blinding the bastard would've slowed him down. 

“Wretched brat! I'll tear you limb from limb, you insignificant—!”

“Can't catch me, bitch!” Casey screams back, scrambling up a rusty ladder that leads back to the surface. Adrenaline pumps through him like electricity, and he all but punches the sewer grate, barely feeling the pain in his busted knuckles, crawling out into the open. 

He remembers this street; it leads to the Hudson Cross—from there, he can find Uncle Mikey's runes. He can get home—

“Gotcha!”

Cold, solid metal slams Casey into the asphalt, pinning him face down. His hockey stick flies from his grip, skidding out of reach. The breath leaves him in a painful rush, he can't even cry out as one claw pierces his shoulder. Warmth pools under his shirt and drips onto the concrete, sticky and wet.

No.

“Heh... hehe,” Subprime's wheezing laughter over Casey's head feels like a blade against his neck, honed, ready and aching to swing. “Thought you could get away, did ya?”

No, please. 

He can't help it. Casey sniffles, tears leaking through his eyelids as he squeezes them shut.

I was so close.

“Awww, what's this? Tears? Gimme a Krangin' break!” Subprime presses harder. Casey chokes on a sob as his bones creak in protest. “What's next, you gonna call mommy and daddy to come save you from the big, mean old Krang-y? Ha! Should'a thought of that before ya blinded me, you freakin' pest!”

Help. Somebody, please, Sensei—

“Forget the labour camp.” Subprime tightens his grip and lifts Casey's limp, bleeding body off the ground. “I'm gonna enjoy smashing you to a bloody pulp instead!”

Help me, please! Da—

“Put. Him. Down.”

Casey's eyes snap open.

Subprime's grin falls. “Huh—?”

A flash of green, and a blade slices Subprime's arm from his shoulder. 

Casey's falling for half a heartbeat before two strong arms pluck him from the air. His stomach swoops as he scrambles for purchase on—he squints—Uncle Tello's shoulders as they zip across the street on the propellers of Tello's battle shell. “Oh my god!” he cries.

“Not quite,” Uncle Tello quips as he skids across the broken street and sticks the landing. His purple visor flickers to life across his eyes, analysing Casey's from head to toe. He doesn't put him down. “Are you alright?”

Casey's knuckles are broken on his right hand. His shoulder and nose are still oozing blood, and his body feels like one giant bruise from that chokeslam into the ground. He can hear Sensei and Commander O'Neil holding an enraged Subprime back behind them, and his heart feels ready to leave his body with how hard it's beating. Other than that—

“I-I'm okay,” he stammers. He sniffs, swiping his unbroken hand under his nose. “I'm—I'm okay.”

Uncle Tello doesn't look convinced. “Can you stand?” he asks anyway. Casey nods, and Uncle Tello sets him down carefully. He keeps one strong arm draped around Casey's shoulders, bringing the other up to speak into his vambrace, his tone clipped and urgent. “Nardo, April, I've got him. A little banged up, but nothing serious. I've also got a pack of Krang Hounds incoming from the south, ETA two minutes. Sister is with them and seems to be in a good mood. Much as I want to carve the innards out of Subpar here, we gotta book it.”

Casey gulps. Subprime is one thing, but he never wants to meet the Sister. 

He looks over his shoulder—and chokes when he sees Master Leonardo standing on top of Subprime's fallen mech, sword poised over his bloody eye. He can't see the slider's face, but his voice carries across the empty street, cold and dark and nothing at all like the man he knows—

“Don't. Touch. My boy.”

And then he carves Subprime's eyeball out of the socket, tossing it across the street. 

Subprime wails in agony, thrashing on the ground and narrowly missing Commander O'Neil as she slides neatly under his flailing leg, nabbing Casey's weapon as she sprints over to them, Master Leonardo not far behind. 

“Get going!” she shouts. 

Casey doesn't need telling twice and runs like a bat out of hell, not daring to look back. Uncle Tello, who can run (or fly) rings around Casey any day, sticks close to his side. Commander O'Neil draws up on his right, leaving his Master at the rear, boxing Casey in.

“How're we gonna get back to base before they get here?!” he cries. He can hear the barking and howling already, getting louder, closer.

His aunt grins. “Same way we got here so fast!”

Ahead, golden light explodes like a star against the twilight, leaving a mystic ring of blessed orange in its wake. 

Master Michelangelo hovers above it, winking. “All aboard the Mikey Express, leaving now!”

“Impeccable timing, little brother!” Uncle Tello crows. Casey wants to cry. 

They all leap through the mystic portal right as the first Hound rounds the corner of a building. Michelangelo zips through last and shuts it with a swipe of his hands, plunging them into darkness and silence save for their panting.

They're back in the tunnels. They're home.

Casey drops his head with a shuddering breath, leaning back into Michelangelo's steadying hands on his shoulders. It stings, but it's grounding. He can breathe. It's over.

Then he lifts his head to look at the back of his Sensei's shell, sees his clenched fists and thinks it is far from over.

“Leonardo,” Uncle Tello approaches the slider, one hand reaching out. “It's fine. It's fine, we are all fine, so I need you to do me a solid and breathe—”

Sensei slowly turns his head to face Uncle Tello, and even Commander O'Neil takes a step back at the frigid rage swirling in his eyes. Michelangelo inhales sharply through his nose, gently pulling Casey closer. Uncle Tello doesn't flinch, meeting his twin's glare evenly. Eventually, he backs off with raised hands. 

Then Sensei turns to Casey, and Casey wilts under his stare. He's pissed.

Somehow, Casey finds his voice. “...um... Sensei, I—”

“You. Deliberately disobeyed me,” Master Leonardo says lowly, and oh god, he's not pissed. He is livid. 

Casey shrinks back against Michelangelo's chest, his grip the one thing keeping his knees from folding under him. “Sensei, I'm—I'm sorry—”

“Medbay. Now.” 

Master Leonardo marches past them, brisk and tense, a silent threat that they should follow if they want to live. 

Uncle Tello and Commander O'Neil share a look that Casey can't translate. Then Uncle Tello sighs, his expression crumpling for the first time as he buries his face in his hands. This close, Casey can see how much they're shaking. 

Casey's gut twists viciously with guilt. 

Commander—no—Aunt April pats Uncle Tello's shoulder firmly with one hand, the other pulling back his frayed purple hood. “It's alright, Don," she says. "Casey's here. Leo's here. We're all here." 

Uncle Tello's breath shudders out of him. His head still in his hands, his snout twists as he nods.

Aunt April smiles ruefully, patting the soft shell's arm again. "Go. Take care of yourself, Dee. We'll handle things here.”

Uncle Tello responds with another nod, making Casey's innards twist even more as he watches him go. 

Then Aunt April sighs, looking at Uncle Mikey and cocking her head after Master Leonardo. The mystic warrior nods back and ushers Casey forward, not letting him go.

“Don't worry, little man,” he says softly, pressing his beak into Casey's mangled hair. Like he's trying to convince himself that Casey's here at all. “We'll patch you up first, then we can rest. It's... it's been a long day.”

Tell me about it, Casey almost says. Instead—“'M really sorry, Uncle Mike...”

His Uncle sighs into his hair before pressing a kiss to his crown. “I know you are, little man. But I'm not really the guy you should be apologizing to.”

Casey gulps.

I think I might've had better chances with Subprime.

---

Part 2 coming soon!

(Feel free to send more requests <;3)

[buryme-withmyspurs]

i'm nostalgic tonight and reading through my archived blog and i can't believe i've been rping inez since 2013 ??

[shhhsecretsideblog]

You have to go see your professional athlete husband play in the championship game: only problem is you're 42 weeks pregnant. You've been having contractions all day, but you tell yourself they're just Braxton Hicks, and you can go to the hospital after the game and have the baby. But once the game starts you can't ignore the urge to push any longer...

Great prompt! Exactly what I was in the mood to write this evening, ty! Hope you like it (fyi written in an hour and very much not edited or checked or read-through lol)

Half-Time Full-Time Baby-Time

Despite being overdue, suffering practice contractions all day, and having a baby nestled deep in my pelvis - I was not going to miss the big game. I’d never missed any of my husband’s matches and I wasn’t going to start now.

Thankfully, as my hubby was a star player on the team I was watching the game from the Executive Box. My parents were supposed to have joined me but they couldn’t make it, so I was on my own in the luxury private suite that had a large window and a glass door overlooking all the action on the pitch below. Inside the room was a fancy dining table with chairs, a mini bar, and a few high stools beneath the tall bench table lining the window so people could sit and drink and eat while watching the game.

Unfortunately I wasn’t able to do any of those things. My tight and round belly and the pain flaring in my hips had me pacing around and around the room. Cupping the underside of my bump I breathed deeply through each rising wave.

“Hmmmmm… not now baby, please.” I whimpered.

The practice pains had gotten closer and closer together during the first half. I’d tried to ignore them, breathe through them and walk around to stop the braxton hicks, but they didn’t disappear. They only got worse. Just before the whistle blew at half time my waters broke and I was forced into the realisation this was no false alarm.

But it would be fine; labour took hours and hours and the game would be long finished before we would need to go to the hospital. That’s what I thought.

Midway through the second half I’m standing by the window, my hands clasping the high bench in a white-knuckle grip, my hips swaying side to side. My throat rattles as I release involuntary groans with the constant squeezing and tightening of my belly. The baby felt so damn low… my legs were in a wide stance and my belly hung down off my hips. I was glad to be wearing a lightweight summer dress with the amount I was sweating. I wanted to open the door, to let in a breeze, but I was scared to with the labouring sounds I was emitting. I didn’t want to attract attention and I did not want to go anywhere and miss the game. I would stay here until you were finished and then we would go to the hospital together.

Another contraction rolled across my belly and the pressure built and built towards boiling point. It felt like I was going to explode, to burst, that feeling of fullness paired with an urgency and pressure was becoming too much to handle. My legs started to tremble as I fought against my body’s instincts, a low rumbling roar slipping past my lips.

I leant forward over the tall tabletop, my arms folded on its surface and my head dropped against my arms. My legs were buckling, sinking lower into a squat. The pressure was building, the round and heavy bowling ball of a head was so low… I wanted to push— my body needed me to push—

“Noooo…. Oh god! Don’t- hoooo- don’t push. Just stay in there baby…. Wait for your daddy to f-finish the g-game—mnghhhhhh!!!”

There was no controlling it, the head was getting lower and pressing against my opening. My body was pushing and I couldn’t stop it. More amniotic fluid hit the floor as I pushed, my bare feet standing on the damp carpet.

In between uncontrollable pushes I glanced up desperately and looked at the timer hanging over the pitch. There was still 15minutes to go, plus injury time. Oh god, the baby was not going to last that long. It felt like it was already starting to crown.

With a trembling hand I feel under my dress between my thighs and nearly vomit when I feel the curved surface of the head pressing against my underwear.

“Oh baby, no… you can’t come out yet…”

But my body and mind are not in sync and a second later I’m back to uncontrollably pushing. I sink into a deep squat, my arms stretched high above my head as I cling onto and almost swing from the high rise table.

“Nnnmghhhhh!!!!” I grunt and low, bearing down into my bottom, running completely on instinct. The baby was slipping further and further out, my labia was stretched thin and the burning of a full crown made me howl.

At the same time one of the teams had scored and the stadium erupted with a frenzy of screams and cheers. The crowd’s jubilance was my own encouragement and I gasped a breath and pushed again, hard. My body was shaking head to toe, the burning… the fullness… the desperation for it all to stop… I had to get the baby out, and it had to come out right now. Giving it my all the head popped out dramatically into my underwear and I collapsed down onto all fours.

The game was nearly over and the baby was almost here. I scrambled to pull down my panties before the next contraction hit. I could hear the noises in the stadium, the crowd cheering and chanting, the final minutes being played. Meanwhile the baby was turning inside of me, the shoulders beginning to press and stretch me open once more. When the next contraction hit I submitted to it entirely, rocking forward and back with each push as my body worked hard to birth the babe. I roared and pushed with the final whistle of the match and raised up on my knees, my hands flying between my legs to catch my newborn baby.

“Oh my goodness… hi little one.” I sobbed as I brought the child up to my chest, wiping its face and blowing gently against their cheeks. The newborn gave a cough and started crying and relief and exhaustion took hold. That was when I noticed the crowd around the Exec Box was cheering. I crawled to the door, babe in arms, and awkwardly got back to standing.

Looking out across the pitch I could see my husband’s team had won, all the men jumping and hugging each other. I could spot my husband easily amongst the sea of coloured jerseys.

“That’s your daddy.” I said to the baby.

My husband looked up at the box, knowing where I’d be, and his jaw dropped when he saw me standing at the glass door, a newborn baby wailing in my arms.

[flower-boi16]

Why Stolitz is Helluva Boss's Worst Plotline

I don't know how to start this post so I'll just get to the point; Stolitz sucks complete ass and is the worst part of the show. It used to be interesting in season 1 but no longer in season 2, here's why.

1. Stolitz in season 1 (and why it worked)

Let's establish the reason why Stolitz worked in season 1. As we all know, Stolitz is a toxic relationship, it always has been. Stolas only wanted to sleep with Blitz and nothing else, to get all sexual with him and stuff....

And that's why it worked, Stolitz was in an intentionally toxic relationship, and the show treated it as such as seen in Ozzie's, where Blitz tells Stolas he doesn't want to sleep with him anymore. This was an interesting conflict and a lot of people were excited to see where season 2 would take Stolitz going forward after this. How was it going to resolve this conflict? There was a lot of potential...that season 2 has completely destroyed.

2. The Circus Ruins Everything (and here's why)

Now we move onto the season 2 premiere, The Circus, and hooo boy this is where the problems with this relationship begin to show themselves, as we encounter the first problem with Stolitz; Viv trying to retcon her way out of making Stolitz not toxic. The Circus makes the bizarre writing choice of making Blitz and Stolas childhood friends...

This writing decision sucks ass, here's why. Ok, first of all, let's get this out of the way first; this is a retcon. Stolas and Blitz being childhood friends and Stolas loving Blitz all along does not at all line up with any of their interactions throughout season 1, the point of their relationship in season 1 was that Stolas was the only part of Blitzo that Stolas was interested in was his dick and nothing else, this ignores that in favor of painting Blitz and Stolas as UwU childhood friends while forgetting all of their interactions in season 1.

Second of all, it's entirely unnecessary. Nothing about Blitz and Stolas's dynamic changes if you remove this and just have them fall in love as adults. Third, as a previous anon had already pointed out, making Blitz and Stolas childhood friends actually makes Stolas look worse because he's treating his childhood friend like a sex toy rather than a person. We'll get to this later but a major problem with Stolitz is the fact that the show tries to portray Stolas as the UwU sad soft boy victim and ignore how he treats Blitz in favor of making him and UwU soft boy.

The Circus is merely the beginning of that; the show is now starting to try and retcon its way out of making Stolitz not toxic by portraying as a UwU sweet childhood friendship all the while forgetting the actual point of the relationship to begin with. Don't worry, because hoooo boy let's talk about the next problem with Stolitz in season 2 that being...

3. The Feud in Ozzies (and its resolution)

So y'all would know that Stolas and Blitz had a fight at the end of Ozzies, right? Well this is where we enter the second problem with Stolitz; the events of Ozzie's go completely ignored. The next time Blitz and Stolas have an onscreen interaction is the second episode of season 2, Seeing Stars (Aka the only decent episode in this whole season). The two interact and...they just go along like nothing happened. As if they didn't have an argument at the end of season 1. People clearly noticed this and were confused as to why these two were just playing along as if the events of Ozzie's never happened...

Well guess what, episode 4, Western Energy, actually resolves the conflict the two had... off-screen...with a blink and you'll miss it text message. This was the moment I had officially lost my patience with this stupid season. It's just SO damn insulting. So you wanted to see where they could take this plotline after Ozzie's? How could Blitz and Stolas develop and resolve their conflict? Hehe well too fucking bad how about we just pretend that didn't happen and then resolve it with a fucking text message.

This is such a lazy and underwhelming way to resolve a conflict, it feels like Viv didn't know where to take Stolitz after season 1 so she just decided to give their feud an underwhelming resolution that unless you directly pause you would miss. So, the feud Blitz and Stolas had at the end of Ozzie's is completely forgotten about and then resolved off-screen, so fuck you to anybody who was excited to see where they went with this plot line I guess. Now that we have that out of the way...let's talk about the next problem with Stolitz;

4. Blitz's demonization

So season 1 ended with Blitz making it crystal clear to Stolas that he is deeply upset about their relationship only being about having sex with each other, so it's very clear that given how Stolas has been acting towards Blitz, he is the victim and Stolas is the abuser, so, therefore, Blitz is in the right for not loving Stolas given their interactions with each other throughout the whole season...

Ya well watch as season 2 just completely ignores that and tries to paint Blitz as the one in the wrong for not loving Stolas. This is where we enter the next problem with Stolas; treating Blitz as if he is in the wrong for not loving Stolas (or not believing that Stolas does genuinely love him). Stolas has been treating Blitz as nothing but a sex toy throughout all of season 1 and yet the show wants us to believe that BLITZ is in the wrong here??

Episode 6 Oops is where this problem really shows itself. I already ranted about this episode before, however the cage scene where Blitz and Fizz talk about their sex life is indicative of Viv trying to make Blitz look like the bad guy because Stolas did some nice things for him... off-screen. Talk about telling instead of showing. Like I said in that post, it feels like a retcon; we never saw Stolas do any of these nice things for Blitz and that doesn't even line up with his behavior in season 1.

It's also just...lazy. Viv couldn't be bothered to actually SHOW Stolas doing these nice things for Blitz so she just TELLS us that Stolas did all of these things for him so Blitz could look bad. However, it falls flat because once again, it's told to us, not shown. AND EVEN IF we accept that Stolas did do all of these nice things for Blitz, THAT STILL DOESN'T EXCUSE HIS TREATMENT OF HIM!!!

So the show wants us to see Blitz as the bad guy for the crime of not loving Stolas because he treated him like a toy rather than a person, but Blitz is NOT in the wrong for acting this way at all yet the show paints him as the bad guy anyway. The show is basically saying that a victim is in the wrong for getting mad at their abuser for abusing them.

"But Blitz took advantage of his childhood friend!" Yes, Blitz was an asshole, but so was Stolas, yet the show acts as if Blitz is 100% the bad guy and Stolas is 100% an innocent soft boy. Speaking of Stolas...

5. Stolas is terrible

So Stolas is terrible, plain and simple. He is very toxic and abusive to Blitz as I've already gone over. However, for some reason, rather than framing Stolas as the abuser he is, Season 2 opts to instead frame him as an UwU soft boy who supposedly did nothing wrong. This is less of a problem with Stolitz and more with Stolas's character as a whole; the show portrays Stolas as an UwU sad Owl boy and we're supposed to sympathize with him despite him not being a great person.

And Stolitz is where this issue shows itself the most. Season 2 never portrays Stolas as in the wrong for how he treated Blitz in Season 1, instead trying woobify him and simply turning around and saying "oh Stolas just wants a friend! He genuinely does love Blitz! Why doesn't Blitz love him back?!". We clearly are not supposed to see Stolas as the abuser here, however, no matter how you slice it Stolas IS the abuser in this relationship.

And so far the show has never made him apologize to Blitz for how he treated him nor has it tried to make him better himself for Blitz. And it seems like Viv has tried to make Stolas look better in episode 6 with the scene where Blitz says that Stolas did all these nice things for him, but once again it's ineffective because it was off-screen. And once again the decision to make him and Blitz childhood friends ties directly back into this because as I've already said, it makes Stolas look far worse because he's treating his own childhood friend like a sex toy, despite how much the show wants to convince us that Stolas is just an UwU soft boy who did nothing wrong and just wants a friend, and no matter how much the show will demonize Blitz, I can not feel bad for Stolas because he's the abuser, not Blitz.

Stolas is just incredibly unlikeable and hard to sympathize with, especially when it comes to this relationship. "But Stolas genuinely loves Blitz!"- putting aside the fact that was also a retcon, even if Stolas genuinely loves Blitz, that doesn't somehow mean that how Stolas treats Blitz is ok. Despite how much the show wants us to convince us that Blitz is the bad guy here and Stolas is just a victim, Stolas is an abuser, there is absolutely NO denying it.

But what if I told you there is a piece of HB content that exemplifies this issue the most? Well...I promised y'all I'd analyze this video so...without further ado...

6. Let's Tear Apart the "Just Look My Way" music video

The second I finished watching this music video, I KNEW that I had to talk about it in this post. Why exactly? Well aside from it being the worst piece of HB content I have ever seen, it's also...a stolitz song. It shows off the issue of Stolas being woobified in season 2 greatly. In this section, I'm going to analyze the lyrics in the song while explaining why this song is the culmination of my biggest issues with this stupid ship. This entire song is about Stolas singing about how sad he is that Blitzy doesn't love him 🥺, and it is SO telling that this is the message the song is going for given the lyrics like this:

"Let me hold you, keep you close to me I long to hear your voice"

"I don't care that you're of lower station Or primed to sate my dark temptations Why can't you understand? Let me explain!"

These lyrics scream "Blitzy why don't you love me!!!". But that's contrasted by lyrics like...this;

"But dearest, I know better now I must give you this choice"

"I will try to make amends For making you means to an end So, look my way, please, look my way"

This actually sounds like Stolas apologizing to Blitz for how he treated him, which is exactly what I wanted...but the rest of the lyrics are just Stolas saying "Blitzy why don't you love me!!!". It's once again choosing to victimize Stolas rather than actually framing him as the abuser he is. This entire song is the most melodramatic emotionally manipulative shit I've ever seen, it once again portrays Stolas as an UwU soft boy who did nothing wrong and just wants someone to love him.

"But Viv didn't write the lyrics!" For those who don't know, Just Look My Way was a fan song that Viv and her team decided to animate as well as make Stolas's voice actor sing. And yes, Viv did not write this song, a fan did, however my issue is that within the context of the rest of the show up until this point, these lyrics do not do any favors for this ship. And I feel like Viv chose this specific song just so she could make Stolas look like a UwU soft boy again. There's also the fact that Viv changed some of the lyrics as well, removing the little impish plaything line and the one talking about Octavia.

This could be done to make the song closer to canon...but there's also a possibility that Viv did this so she could NOT acknowledge Stolas's actual faults and make the song entirely about Stolitz. This post summed it up pretty well.

So conclusion; Just Look My Way is an awful music video that is horrifically bad when It comes to the context of this relationship and once again tries to make Stolas look sympathetic when he really isn't. This is not how you make a sympathetic character guys. Now let's talk about the final issue with Stolitz...

7. It's Just Plain Toxic

This is the biggest reason why I (and many other critics) dislike Stolitz; it's just plain toxic. It's a toxic ass ship where the abuser is portrayed as the victim while the victim is framed as the abuser, and where the abuser has never gone to better himself for the victim, yet the show wants us to root for this couple to get together for some reason despite that. The show constantly paints this an UwU cute childhood friendship when it's anything BUT that in reality. It's toxic, plain and simple.

8. Conclusion

Look, if you like or ship Stolitz, that's fine, I didn't make this post because I wanted people to stop shipping it. I made this post because I believe Stolitz is easily the worst part of the show, it's a horribly written toxic and abusive romance that we are supposed to root for and the fact that people DEFEND this ship despite it being OBJECTIVELY toxic and unhealthy is baffling to me.

So ya, that's why I hate Stolitz...bye.

[lemon-russ]

hoooo boy. It is 3am. I started this at 1am. Almost stream of conscious writing. Lots of sex. Like, 3k words of sex. And I got emotional so like. Bone apple teeth, you heathens.

Fuck forgot tags, its too late lmao: @sleepyfan-blog @undeaddream @scriberye, and thanks @squishyowl for dividers

Part 17/ ???

< previous || next >

Ao3 || Taglist request ||

Cato Sicarius x F!Reader

CW: Sex. Just. Lot of sex.

Summary: Cato and ambassador reunite

word count: 3,219

Song: Like Real People Do - Hozier (even get some easy listening with all this porn)

There is a sharp knock on your office door, making you jump a little. It wasn't Guilliman's knock.

“It's Open” you call out, standing and trying to tidy yourself and your desk. You'd been daydreaming and doodling again, not actually working, and tried to hide the evidence of your slacking with other papers.

Your door slides open, and to your surprise, Cato stands there, leaning in the door jamb, smirking.

It takes you a moment to process what you're looking at, but in a second you're scrambling around your desk, knocking papers on the floor as you sprint to the door.

Cato looks a little surprised himself when you fling yourself into his arms. He catches you, chuckling as he lets you cling to him.

“You weren't worried, we're you, little Ambassador?” He asks through a soft laugh.

You pull back and look up at his face in astonishment. “You're- You're home!” You gasp in shock.

“That I am.” He said smoothly.

“You found a ride? From all that way?” You ask, leaning back in to hug his chest.

He chuckles and pets your hair. “That I did. Surely you didn't expect the Captain of the Second Company to be bested by, what, finding a ride home?” He replies with some disbelief.

You laugh, burying your face in his shirt and sighing as you take in his scent, like wood and spices. For a second you realize he must use cologne to purposely smell nice, and almost laugh at the thought of him preening himself so much when he acts so aloof.

“I didn't think you'd like, die-” you say, muffled by his fatigues shirt. “-but I also expected you to take longer getting back.”

He pulls you back to look at your face, smiling and sighing as he lifts your chin. “Ye of little faith, Ambassador. After sorting things out with Titus, I had secured a ride home by the next morning.”

You smile wide. You were surprised to see him but, he's right, as much as he is cocky, it isn't unearned.

“Still,” you say, leaning your face into his palm as he moves to cup your face, “I'm so, so happy to see you.” You say softly.

He makes a soft hum, “And I have been loosing my mind missing you.” He says, mirroring your tone.

He lifts you up a bit and takes a step into your office, hitting the control panel on the door and setting it to locked. You raise an eyebrow and look up at him curiously.

Before you can formulate a question, it's already answered by the look in his eyes.

Hunger.

“Cato…?” You ask anyways, but squeak when he picks you up and plops you on your desk. He cages you in with his arms, towering over your little human size desk and grinning ear to ear.

“I have really missed you, my little Ambassador…” he says with a huskier tone. He moves his mouth to your neck and starts trailing warm kisses down.

You shudder, chuckling shyly. “Seriously? I worry for 3 days, thinking you were dead on some back water agriworld-” you stifle a gasp as he nips at your throat gently, “-and th-the first thing you want to do is-”

“Fuck you? Yes.” He purrs, pushing you gently onto your back on the desk. You flush, but it isn't not working on you. You feel your core warming as his hands roam up your curves and he nibbles at your collar bone.

“I walked into my Primarchs office today expecting to be given a death oath.” He says in a low voice.

You gasp softly. You thought he'd be in trouble, but, a death oath? A chill runs down your spine at the thought of your Cato having to swear himself to a suicide mission for the dishonor of bedding you…

He sees the look of worry in your eyes and gives you a reassuring smile. “Ah, don't stress about it. I was being a little dramatic.” He chuckles.

He goes back to kissing down your chest, humming happily and tugging your shirt away. “But dramatic or not, I thought I was going to at worst be sent to die, and at best, never see my little Ambassador again.” He sighs against your skin. “Though I think I'd prefer the death oath to knowing you were there and I just couldn't be near you…” he murmurs between kisses.

You let out a sigh, running fingers through his hair, letting yourself be comforted by the fact that he's here and safe right now. “So… you're not in trouble…?” You ask.

He grimaces, resting a cheek on your breasts and looking up at you. “Well, I mean, I'm suspended for a minute. But, thankfully a little diplomat worked her magic over on Guilliman.” He said with a smirk. “He said he, what was it, pinky promised not to kill me?”

You chuckle and blush a little. “Hey, you're not supposed to know that. The contents of a pinky promise are highly confidential.” You tease.

He grins up at you, nuzzling into your chest. “Well, thanks to you, I'm not only not going to be killed in some fashion, but I've been given permission to keep seeing you.” His expression softened into one of warm admiration. “Have I ever told you you're quite skilled at your job…?” He chuckled.

You gasp and put a hand to your chest, mouth agape in feigned shock. “Captain Sicarius! Was that… was that a genuine compliment?!” You say aghast. “And of my silly diplomacy skills, no less! Don't I recall you once saying my job was, what was it-” you tap your chin. “Ah, ‘frivolous and a waste of imperial resources’ I believe were the words…”

He rolled his eyes, laughing gently. “Oh be quiet, don't make me regret being nice” he said, turning to playfully mouth at your chest with his teeth.

You laugh and push playfully back on him. “What? I'm just trying to get clarification, because surely the great Cato Sicarius isn't actually admitting some things can be talked out-”

You're interrupted by him tugging your shirt up and snapping your bra off in a quick motion, making you melt into giggles as he pulls you closer to the edge of the table by the hips.

“You can be quite mean to me, you know that?” He chuckles playfully, mouth assaulting your breasts and making you giggle harder, punctuated by light gasps when he finds your nipple.

“You-” you gasp, “you're calling- me mean-?” You stifle a small moan as his hand finds your other breast and starts playing with it in tandem.

“Yes.” He says between kissing and sucking your nipples. “Quite mean, actually. You're a little bully.”

You laugh and give him a small smack on the shoulder, only eliciting more chuckles from him.

“No no, you aren't turning this on me Cato Sicarius!” You try to scold between breathless giggles. His hand has started working its way under your pants and tugging them down, which greatly distracted from your indignant rage. “You're the bully here- you tripped me for fun! You would hide my paperwork and tell important nobles crazy rumors about me!”

He pops his mouth off your breast, laughing in a low growl as he tucks you further against him and finally pulls off your pants. “You have no proof that you weren't raised on an agriworld entirely dedicated to manure farming.” He says with a mischievous grin.

You huff and smack his chest uselessly. “That's not even a real thing! And you didn't say ‘manure farming’, you told the planetary governor I was raised as a shit shoveler!”

“Tomato tomato.” He says, flippantly waving a hand. You start to growl out an argument but your words die in your throat as he tugs off his pants and kicks them to the side in one movement.

“We're-” you rasp, eyes glued to him stroking himself between your knees, “We're coming back to this later, I won't forget it.” You manage.

He rumbles a low chuckle in his chest, pushing your knees apart. “Oh, of course. Can't miss an opportunity to berate me, can you, little bully?” He needles at you playfully, but your frustratingly are having trouble keeping your thoughts straight while his fingers are trying to work into you.

He makes a happy hum as you interrupt yourself with a sweet, soft moan when his finger gently pushes into you at last.

“What was that, Ambassador? It sounded like you had a well thought out argument to make-” he chuckles as he pushes it deeper into you, pulling another noise from your throat.

“Y-you- mmhhhf-” you moan, squirming under him as he leans in and starts kissing you across the neck and jaw.

“Speak up, Lady Ambassador.” He chuckles, “why, this is no way to conduct yourself in a negotiation, making all these noises…”

He cuts off your next attempt at words by capturing your mouth with his own, and pulls his finger free of your clasping depths. You whimper against his mouth at the emptiness, but you aren't left alone long as you feel the head of his cock prod at your now somewhat more prepared entrance.

He releases you from the kiss, pulling back to grin mischievously at you. “Well?”

You blink, bleary eyed and confused. “…well what…?” You rasp breathlessly.

“Well, aren't you going to defend yourself against all my ‘bullying?’” He teases, rubbing his head along your soaked lips.

You blink again. “D…defend….” You frown, “What- you're the one who always bullies me-”

He stops you with another kiss, making you whimper a needy noise. “Well, maybe do your job you're so good at, hm?” He grumbles in an amused tone. “Go on, negotiate.”

The gears slowly turn in your hazy brain. “Negotiate… so you'll fuck me…?” You mumble.

He pushes the head of his massive cock just barely into you, making your hips instinctively rock, seeking more. He holds you by the waist and chuckles. “That's right. Maybe if you can argue your way into it, I'll bully you over it less.”

You frown, furrowing your brow. “You are such a brat, Cato.” You sigh.

You try and think through your sluggish, hazy thoughts. To negotiate, you just need to know what the other actually wants, and what they aren't willing to give up. Cato might think himself clever- and in all aspects of war he is. But when it comes to emotions, especially his own? The man barely figured out he liked you romantically, then was snappy while fucking you in a cave.

You clearly have the advantage.

“Fine.” You say, crossing your arms and putting one leg over the knee of the other. “I don't feel like playing your games today, Cato. You can't come into my office, days after me worrying for you, toss me on my desk and then push me around.”

He frowns, hands still holding your waist. “What?” He asks flatly.

“I don't want to play this game.” You repeat, huffing. “You can go. Find me when you actually want to fuck me.”

He looks like he was slapped. “You-” he sputters. “You're not serious.”

You shrug, turning your face away. “Nope, lost your chance.”

His mouth falls open a little. “I- I mean- I was just joking-”

You shrug again.

He frowns, scrunching his forehead hard. “Come on, little Ambassador, I just thought we were playing-” he says, voice tinged slightly with desperation as he rubs your crossed knees.

You pout. “I dunno. Didn't sound like playing.” you huff.

He frowns harder. “I- I mean- I'm sorry. Please don't throw a tantrum.”

You give him a small scowl of annoyance, and he snaps his mouth shut so fast you can hear his teeth click. “Sorry, sorry, not a tantrum-” he says, nervously clearing his throat. “Please, can we just…?” He smiles nervously, rubbing your thighs.

Your suppress a smirk. He's so easy to tease.

“Please what?” You say, unable to keep the amusement out of your voice.

He blinks at you, then grimaces. “Oh, come on-” he starts before you smile and shake your head.

“You won't be coming on anything if you can't use your words. Go on, Captain. Negotiate. I'm open to begging.” You smirk.

His jaw falls open again. “You crafty little-” he shakes his head and sighs, leaning over your legs. “Please, little Ambassador?” He says, cheeks tinged pink.

You grin. “Use your words, Captain.”

He groans. “Please can I fuck you?” He mumbles, cheeks warming further.

“You don't sound like you want it very badly.” You say with a mischievous grin. You uncross your legs.

He sighs and smiles, eyeing your teasing sex before leaning over you again. He cups your face, leaning his lips down to your ear.

“I need you, my little vixen.” He whispers with warm breath ticking your ear.

You swallow to sooth your suddenly very dry throat. “Oh-?” You rasp.

He prods at you with his head again. “Mm, I need you. I've thought of nothing but how you feel wrapped around my cock for three days…” he purrs, nuzzling your jaw. “Please, please let me have you…” he whispers huskily before nibbling at your earlobe.

You have a split second thought that you may need to get rehydrated after this with how quickly wetness rushes between your legs at his sweet, desperate words.

He feels your slickness and chuckles, rubbing the head of his cock between your lips and making lewd, wet noises from it. “Is that a yes, little vixen?” He rumbles softly.

“I- I suppose- I think I can spare a moment of my- busy schedule-” you barely rasp out.

He grins against your neck. “Then we have come to an excellent, mutually beneficial agreement. I suppose my earlier praise stands, you're pretty good at your job.” He teases, then lines himself up and pushes into your slick entrance.

A deep, husky groan is ripped from your lungs as he stretches you. Your hands instinctively cling to his neck and tangle in his hair.

“Uhnf- Cato-” you moan, head falling back and hair cascading across the still paperwork covered desk.

He lets out a deep, primal groan of his own, voice shuddering. “By the throne, you feel-” he moaned gruffly, “-amazing- I don't think I'll ever tire of this feeling-”

He sank deeper, filling you in a way you've been craving since he last had you. He bottoms out and sighs. He pants softly and grins down at you, flushed and squirming and panting little hitching noises.

“Holy Terra, you're beautiful like this.” He says almost dreamily. He tucks some hair behind your ear. “You're mine, right?” He purrs, rocking slowly in and out of you.

Your eyes roll back a moment as he starts to move. “Cato-” you groan.

He chuckles again. “That doesn't answer my question, my lady~” he slows his movement, making you whimper. “Tell me you're mine.” He demands in a soft, heady voice.

Your mind wipes blank a moment. “I- I'm yours-” you rasp, and you're rewarded with his cadence picking up again.

“That's right-” he pants, falling forward to cage your head in with his arms. “Mine-” he growls. “A-again-”

You gasp needily as his hips start slapping to yours faster, the sound of your thighs meeting his muscular stomach echoing with his balls slapping against your ass as he moves.

“I- I'm yours-” you pant out again, “yours- yours-”

He lets out a primal noise as he curls around you and begins hammering into you, losing himself in instinct. “Mine, mine, mine-” he snarls softly into your ear, pulling you sharply down to meet him every thrust like a toy. You worry a moment as you hear the wood creak on your poor desk, but it's drowned out in your mind when he slams back into you.

You feel your mind going hazy, lost in the feeling of being stretched over his cock over and over. As your gasps get higher and higher pitched, he pulls back just a little to watch your face with a dazed smile. “Mine…” he murmurs, cupping your chin and tilting yor face to meet his eyes. “I want to watch your face when you come for me.” He rasps huskily between pants. “I want to see that sweet face fall apart with how good I make you feel. How good it feels when I make you mine-” he growls softly.

You feel your stomach tighten at hia words, and its hard to keep your eyes on his as you feel your orgasm edge closer each deep thrust. “Cato-” you gasp. “I- I- unff-”

He grins at you, eyes lidded and breath coming in ragged gasps. “Good girl, look at you, so pretty like this-”

You whimper again, fists grasping desperately at the papers on your desk.

“Cato-! Cato!” You pant.

“Cato- I- oh throne-” you desperately grab for him and he holds you up by the back so you can press your forehead to his, looking up desperately into his eyes.

You gasp sharply as you feel the tightness snap in your belly, your walls squeezing his still pistoning cock in you.

“I love you-!” You cry out as you come.

He stumbles for a half second, eyes going wide and jaw slacking. Then he follows suit with you, and you feel him start to twitch in you as he snaps back into thrusting.

“Oh, throne-” he groans your name, then pants it hazily as you feel the full force of him like you haven't before, filling you to almost uncomfortable tightness before his come can spill out from you.

He hilts into you a few times more before collapsing around you, one knee on your desk, elbows holding him from crushing you while he gulped air like he was drowning.

Your fuck hazed mind slowly catches up with you.

Did you just-

During sex--!?

Your delirious warmth starts creeping with cold panic as you look up at his face- but it's quickly stopped when his mouth crashes into yours.

His tongue pushes needily around yours, and you quickly return it best you can, losing the fight against his aggressive, possessive need.

He breaks the kiss, both of you gasping, and holds your face between his hands.

Your eyes go wide again when you see his eyes are wet with unshed tears. He's fighting back crying clearly by the way his mouth keeps trying to tug down at the corners, the way his forehead is scrunched between his brows-

“I love you, too.” He whispers.

You don't realize you're crying until his thumb wipes a tear from your cheek. Much more softly, he leans in and kisses you again

[velvetwyrme]

TOP FAVE READER INSERT UNDERTALE (OR ANY OTHER AU’S) FICS???? /genq /nf

>:3c

Oh you don't have to worry about forcing me. I've been wanting to do this for a while and you just gave me the perfect excuse!!!

List under the cut because it's LONG and I love to chatter.

A little note before you continue: I won't pick any PURELY explicit fics (... with a couple exceptions) since if I did, I'd be here forever

BUT fair warning that some of these will be dark, and may deal with heavy topics. Some will also have some spicy/explicit content in them, but I'll do my best to mark them accordingly! (I won't mark ones with just suggestive themes/moments, since I cant guarantee I'll catch all of them. Similarly, unless there is graphic death or gore, I won't mark it as such.)

I have also included the STATUS of each fic as such: Finished, Ongoing/Unfinished, Discontinued. Please note that unless the author specified that the fic is Discontinued or on Indefinite Hiatus, I will mark it as Ongoing/Unfinished. Oneshots are also marked as such.

ALSO for some of these fics it's been years since I last read them, so if I miss any warnings for them, that's why! As always, check the tags before reading and take care :]!!

MULTICHAPTERS

When Words Get Broken - Papyrus/Reader - Finished

Featuring: Some of the best Papyrus characterisation that I’ve read. The most unkissable kissable skeleton. If you want to know what I mean by that, go read this fic. I love him so so so dearly.  

Life Like A Ghibli Movie - Papyrus/Reader - Ongoing/Unfinished

One of the fics ever. Broke me apart and put me together again. Lives permanently in my brain.

Vacuous Happiness - Sans/Reader - Finished

Rewired my brain. I feel like I went on a roadtrip which changed me irreversibly as a person. The same author is also writing a Firewatch inspired fic featuring UF!Sans which I’m enjoying as well :]

Thunderstruck - Underfell!Papyrus/Reader - Ongoing/Unfinished

If you haven’t read Thunderstruck what are you doing. Go read it. You’ve probably already read this fic but go read it again!!!! One of my favourite portrayals of UF!Papyrus ever. Almost certainly has some amount of influence on the way I'm writing Flipping Fate.

You, Me, and Dr. G - W.D. Gaster/Reader

I love this fic so so much. *drinks it up like water*

This is part of a series that also contains fics I love; Story That Might Happen When You Date Sans (F) and Black Thumb (F), which are respectively a Sans/Reader and Asgore/Reader. Both are really good as well. This one is just my favourite out of the 3 though. The same author also wrote Just One Word (F), which is a soulmate AU Mettaton/Reader which I also enjoyed.

Teach Me How - Sans/Reader - Finished

I read this fic waaay before I realised I was somewhere on the aro/ace spectrum and hoooo boy my obsession with it when I was younger really makes sense now. Incredibly sweet, they go from hate to love, and the reader is aro/ace. It’s a little messy, but isn’t everything?

In writing this I also realised this is by the same author who wrote You, Me and Dr. G!!! >:O

Pursuit of Happiness - Sans/Reader - Ongoing/Unfinished

SO good. Y'all at Rock Bottom babey!!

A Home for Mending Souls - Underfell!Skelebros/Reader - Finished

Extremely soft. Recovery/Healing fics beloved. I love the characterisation in this fic so much. Made me very emotional.

Backroads and Bad Jokes - Horrortale!Sans/Reader - Ongoing/Unfinished

I love this fic so much. Sooo many scenes live rent free in my head. I won't spoil things ;] I think it takes place in the same universe as A Home for Mending Souls?

The Nebular Theory - Skelebros/Reader - Ongoing/Unfinished

If it's not obvious already, I absolutely adore this fic. You want some REALLY good characterisation? A juicy plot that has me wishing I had the space for a red-string theory board? An attention to canon details that make me scream? Communication between characters!!!!!

READ THIS FIC.

Love? It's Complicated - Series - Finished (...?)

[Warning: Contains Dark/Heavy Themes.]

I'm cheating here by linking the entire series (which is 11 fics of various levels of interconnectedness) but it's so worth it. This series tore my heart out, stomped on it, stuck it back in and gave me a sweet little kiss at the end. Several times over!! I cried like 4 times in one night while binging it!! Also this series contains one of the few OC/Canon stories that I enjoy!!

I actually read Burning Mountain first and then everything else in order and proceeded to LOSE MY GODDAMN MIND reading the first and second fics because OH. That's why the end of BM was so... OHhhhHHhhhh.........

The current fics included in the series are all finished, but I'm not sure if the author intends to come back to it in the future.

In the meantime, their other fics A Little Bit(ty) of Trouble (F) and Cold Blood, Warm Heart (O/U) have also stolen my heart. Those ALSO deal with dark, complicated topics so tread carefully and enjoy!

Bearskinner in Three Worlds - Various/Reader - Ongoing/Unfinished

The plot and writing has gripped me and won’t let go. The reader goes through so much and it’s so worth it. Loooove the polyamory negotiations. I don't want to spoil anything!!! Go read it!!

Penitent Island - Various/Reader - Ongoing/Unfinished

Really good plot and fun interactions! By the same author as Bearskinner. Did I mention I love this author's poly negotiations?

Transmigration of the Soul - Papyrus/Reader - Finished

One of the good ol’ classics. Japes! Drama! Romance! Really good plot! Apparently optional smut according to the tags! I don't recall that but it's a thing!

The impact of this fic can still be seen in the way I view Kindness souls and how they behave lol.

When Two Tsunderes Do on A Date, Does the Void Explode - Fellswap!Sans/Reader - Finished (?)

This series is so so funny. They’re both kinda idiots. And they're both SUPER TSUNDERE. I love all the characters here so much.

My Dearly Detested Deliveryman - Swapfell!Papyrus/Reader - Finished

Every single one of Little_old_lady’s fics are fucking hilarious. EVERY. SINGLE. ONE. This one you go through enemies to lovers with your deliveryman. Just go read it already.

Black Coffee - Swapfell!Sans/Reader - Finished

Soulmate AU!! Unbelievably silly. I love it so much. Papyrus is such a little shit here.

Pussycat, Pussycat, Where Have You Been? - Fellswap!Sans/Reader - Finished

Another banger by Little_old_lady. Both Papyrus and the reader are so dumb I love them. Also Sans is a tsundere.

There’s a snake in my bed! - Mafiafell!Sans/Reader - Finished

Sans is a wholeass dumbass in this one. He's got a snake (think Daemons from His Dark Materials/The Golden Compass) who loves to go into your room. You like the snake too :D

The Skeleton Games - Underfell!Sans/Reader - Ongoing/Unfinished

[Warning: Contains Explicit Content]

He’s so pathetic in this I love it. It's far more complicated than that but hrkjsjhsgf pathetic little guy.

Matchmaker, Matchmaker, Make Me A Match - Skelebros/Reader - Ongoing/Unfinished

Super heckin cute!!! I wanna give the reader a little smooch too. They are so lonely but they are making friends!!!

Dirty Laundry - Swapfell!Skelebros/Reader - Finished

THE Swapfell fic. It had me in a vice grip when I read through it the first time. And the second. And the- you get it. Brilliant characterisation and really delicious talks about developing relationships and more.

Honestly all of this author’s works are fantastic, but in particular I love Roadside Attraction (O/U), Fur a Good Time, Call… (F) and also her AU vignettes… Flotsam & Jetsam, Not So Spooky-Scary and Make Your Mark.

A Smile From the East - Underfell!Papyrus/Reader - Ongoing/Unfinished

I read this way back when it was still updating and it has lived in my brain since. It has everything. UF!Papyrus in all his edgy glory. Flower shop AU. Angst. Romance. It's left me hanging for like 5 years waiting for the last chapter and I encourage you to let it do the same to you.

Re-Hate-tionship - Swapfell!Papyrus/Reader - Finished

[Warning: Contains Explicit Content.]

ENEMIES TO LOVERS!! They hate each other so so much and they WILL fuck about it. Somehow despite being very very mean to each other, they are both very sweet.

Twice a Month I Fall In Love - SwapfellPapyrus/Reader/Swap!Papyrus - Ongoing/Unfinished

I love love love this fic (I even read it again pretty recently…) SF!Papyrus and the reader swap bodies twice a month. Romance and shenanigans ensue. The reader is not the hinge in this poly! Weird things happen when you kind of want to kiss some dude you met in this other guy’s body (who you incidentally are also falling for).

Becoming Edge - Underfell!Papyrus/Reader - Finished

Not only is this fic just so so sweet, but it also sparked me to start experimenting more with my wardrobe which has made me much happier. Actually cured my depression because of that (Partly anyway!)

Paper Flowers - Sans/Reader - Finished

[Warning: INCREDIBLY SAD]

I need to read this again, but I still feel like I can wholeheartedly rec it. I still remember enough that thinking about the title makes me want to cry, so...

Just a Little Offbeat - Bitty SwapBros/Reader - Ongoing/Unfinished

Hi. Not-so-secret about me. I love bitty fics. This one in particular is really good.

Bitty Hunt - Reverse Harem/Reader - Ongoing/Unfinished

We all know the [Number] Skeletons and You" setup. We all know Bittybones AUS. But what if… YOU were the bitty? Who is incidentally a landlady? Lots of fun! Many shenanigans.

You all probably know this one but I still love it lol.

His Name Was Bob - Bitty Underfell!Sans/Reader - Finished

One of the OG bitty fics from my recollection. Really good!!!

Skeleton Kisses – Sans/Reader – Finished

SO heckin SWEET. You are in fact scared of him but it all works out :]

Tits and Dick – Underfell!Sans/Reader – Ongoing/Unfinished

I love them so dearly. They’re both so fucking stupid.

All the Right Moves - Dancetale!Sans/Reader - Ongoing/Unfinished

I almost got into colourguard because of this fic. I haven't read it in a long time so I can't guarantee anything about quality/content but... I really wanted to get into colourguard after reading this.

Honey, We Bee-Long - Underswap!Papyrus/Reader - Finished

This is actually part of series but this is just the one I liked the most ;3c Pretty cute!!!!

New Home on the Range - Cowboy AU!Skelebros/Reader - Ongoing/Unfinished

Yeehaw. I love cowboys too much not to include this. The reader is described a lil bit, but I will overlook that because I want to kiss these boys sooooo bad. Papyrus in this is such a sweetie. Also plot >:3c

Where the Daffodils Grow - Papyrus Ensemble/Reader - Ongoing/Unfinished

Chances are, at least some percentage of you are here because you saw the comic I drew of this fic. I love it so. Reverse harem set in Underswap!!! Lets GOOO!! PAPYRUS ENSEMBLE LETS GOOOOOO!!!!!

Cash It In - Swapfell!Papyrus/Reader - Finished

[Warning: Contains Explicit Content.]

Tumultuous soulmate AU!!!! WAH. Super super cute!!!!! UhhhhHH I FORGOT THERE'S SMUT FIRST CHAPTER BUT LISTEN OKAY I LOVE THIS FIC TOO MUCH TO NOT INCLUDE IT KAJDHJFH

Kintsugi - Underswap!Papyrus/Reader - Ongoing/Unfinished

[Warning: Contains Explicit Content.]

I found this fic last year but APPARENTLY I left kudos on it?? Years ago???? SO I GOT TO REREAD IT FRESH. Dramatic, tense, and a really good read overall.

Panic Room – Swapfell/Reader – Ongoing/Unfinished

[Warning: Contains Dark/Heavy Themes.]

This one you really REALLY need to read the warnings, but if it interests you, hot damn is it a good story. SUPER dark but chewed through my brain like drywall. The worldbuilding is spectacular.

In the Language of Flowers – Various/Reader (???) – Ongoing/Unfinished

[Warning: Contains Dark/Heavy Themes.]

One of the pioneers of the “Reader is a Sans” tropes. Slowburn to the nth degree. Extremely dramatic, it's fantastic. Marked as (???) for the relationship because IDK what the specific ending relationships are going to be. Also technically Sans/Sans since… the reader is a Sans? It gets complicated man.

Joined at the Hip - Various/Reader - Ongoing/Unfinished

Another Reader is a Sans fic. Enemies to lovers except you are also kinda sharing the same body?? SIGN ME UP. Again, gets complicated with romance stuff because of it.

The Wolf - Various/Reader(?) - Ongoing/Unfinished

As always, it gets confusing when they’re sharing a body. In this one I love that they get along and have all that figured out. Mostly. They have the problems of two people mashed into one body. Plus! I love the naming structure in this one. Also, I (as a reader) am simping hard for Orion. He’s off the table in the fic because he’s Gemini’s brother but PERSONALLY, I love him.

He was Real. – Horrorswap!Sans/Reader – Finished

In which you dream of a strange skeleton and- he’s REAL OH OKAY YOU SHOULD PROBABLY HELP HIM HUH. Fun concept, very well executed.

A collection of Fables and Romances – Sans/Reader (Various) – Ongoing/Unfinished Series

As the title implies, it’s a collection of short fics! All of them are very good :]

Poor Little Meow Meow – Killer/Reader – Ongoing/Unfinished

Killer adopts cats. He’s got so many cats. And also you :>

Still Counting – Sans/Reader Series - Finished

I’m not cheating by including this entire series- it’s all one long story. And goodness gracious is it a GOOD story. It’s got [REDACTED]- well shit I guess you just gotta go read it.

thinking of you. – Underswap/Reader – Ongoing/Unfinished      

You think that Swap!Sans is a figment of your imagination, but whoop turns out he’s not!! He’s REAL babey!! Go kiss a ghost(ly skeleton) and a less than ghostly skeleton! Very cute.

Who Done It? - SpicyMobKustard/Reader - Finished

(Mafiatale!Sans/Fell!Papyrus/Reader/Fell!Sans Polycule)

The dynamics between characters are really good and it's got a solid mystery plot underscoring the developing romance :D Please note that the reader is Not the hinge in this poly- they are part of the polycule (and the only two who aren't dating are UF!Sans and UF!Papyrus, since they are related here) so if that's not your thing, don't click! If it is! Enjoy!!

R&R (Rabble & Rampallions) - Bad Sanses (plus)/Reader - Finished

This finished recently (as of writing) and it’s been such a wild ride. I want to read it again and again and again. And I will once I've let it settle in my brain more. I CRIED at the end.

Gloom & Doom All Up in Your Room - Bad Sanses/Reader - Ongoing/Unfinished

If you are craving more Bad Sanses content after finishing R&R… hey look there’s another brilliant fic featuring them guys. The vibe is different but still so good. Dust is very much bleeding out in your living room when you first meet him, which I feel sets the scene in terms of what sort of violence and/or gore you’ll see here.

Little Assistant - Bad Sanses/Bitty!Reader - Ongoing/Unfinished

MORE Bad Sanses content. But they’ve got a bitty (you!) this time. The Star Sanses kinda accidentally suck in this, but they (or at least ONE of them) is trying to get better.

do you live with abusive skeletons? pull a power move and fuck their dad! - W.D. Gaster/Reader - Finished

Incredibly funny (and self-explanatory) title. I enjoy trope reversal and subversion >:3c

Blackcurrant - Horror Swapfell/Reader - HIATUS

Black adopts you as a pet because he doesn’t realise you are sapient. Mutt on the other hand is fully aware and thus is hostile towards you. Lots of fun :] Also very lovely art! Currently on hiatus though.

Skeleton Sisters and the Architect - Fem!Skeleharem/Reader - Ongoing/Unfinished

I’m so fucking gay. Girls. Holy shit. GIRLS. I am looking so respectfully. They’re all so cute and I love their names.

a full course meal - Horrortale!Sans/Reader - Ongoing/Unfinished

* Edited after note from the author! There are future installments planned 👀

A very cute series of oneshots centered around the reader and HT!Sans!!! HE’S SO BIG. WAIT THERE’S A THIRD PART I DIDN’T SEE THAT BEFORE.

Potato Soup (with a side of skeleton) - Horrortale!Sans/Reader - Ongoing/Unfinished

INCREDIBLY FUNNY PREMISE. Neither of them know how to open up but it’s somehow very endearing.

Chasing the End - Grillby/Reader - Finished

The plot had me yelling. Love some good old "before the barrier" content. We get to see baby Sans and Pap also!!!

=========================

ONESHOTS

A Unique Definition - Underswap!Papyrus/Reader - Oneshot

Really cute oneshot! You steal US Paps’ hoodie and it’s the cutest thing in the world.

Honeydew - Horrortale!Sans/Reader - Oneshot

Sweet! You meet him on a train and share honeydew it’s all very cute.

No Strings Attached - Underfell!Sans/Reader - Oneshot

Rewired the way I conceptualise UF!Sans. (The other fics in this series are explicit!)

Human Anatomy Fanatic - Papyrus/Reader - Oneshot

[Warning: Explicit content]

Papyrus is a little freak and loves every weird and strange part of your human anatomy. Some of the sections deals (briefly) with explicit stuff, but even then, it is more focused on Papyrus being SUPER FASCINATED by how human bodies work. Somehow!! Really cute!

Pat? - Swapfell!Papyrus/Reader - Oneshot

DOGY. DOGGY MEETCUTE. Super cute!! Very embarrassing!!!! PATS!!!!!!

Emotional Drought - Bitty Horrortale!Sans/Reader - Oneshot

LONG oneshot. Very good. Prepare for complex relationships and also a delightfully open and ambiguous ending. I love this one to bits.

Soulmate of the Century - Nightmare!Sans/Reader - Oneshot

The sillies. Really silly. Super cute.

Black Coffee Isn’t Too Bitter - Swapfell!Sans/Reader - Oneshot

Black sends Chara and Mutt to tell a human he likes them. They do a spectactularly bad job at it, but someone better than when he goes in to tell them himself. It works out somehow.

Red and the Bitty - Underfell!Sans/Reader - Oneshot

The title says Bitty, but it’s Red who’s the giant. You get sacrificed to the big bad monster and he’s an ass about it. Somehow, still pretty cute.

=========================

MISC. READER INSERTS

For the non-romantic/platonic fics that are still reader inserts.

Bitty Reader Adventures -Various & Reader - Ongoing/Unfinished

THE bitty reader fic. Series of fics. Whatever. The OG!!! I used to reread these all the time and I still like em :]

Help, I've Fallen Into a Surveillance State and I Can't Get Up! - Reader is a Sans/OC, Platonic Relationships - Ongoing/Unfinished

Yes, there is one chapter so far. Yes, it is 17k words long.

I am so fucking obsessed with this fic. It’s got trope subversion, absolutely amazing worldbuilding, snappy writing, black comedy and light-hearted normalcy in the face of horrors, paired with just enough serious introspection to balance it out?? WHAT MORE COULD YOU WANT. I want to eat this fic whole. Also there is lovely art ;>

Street Kitty - Platonic Reader Insert - Ongoing/Unfinished

YOU’RE A KITTY. You menace Sans. You are literally the best cat.

Pieces - Platonic Reader Insert - Ongoing/Unfinished

I need to reread this again, but this was another one that ingrained itself into my bones. You wake up as a flower (like Flowey) and you essentially turn into Frisk’s guide. Love this fic to bits.

Monsters Should Be Cute! - Bitty Sans & Reader - Finished

Pumpkin is a menace and I love him. The undefined-other-reader-dash-underling is also a great character.

Oops, I have a Naga - Naga Bitty Sans & Reader - Finished

Sweet fic !!!!! Real cute! You have a naga now! A naga with TRAUMA.

Tib and Rib – Sans & Papyrus & Reader – Ongoing/Unfinished

This one has me crying and weeping. BLASTER BOYS. On account of the power dynamics here being messed up, this is more a platonic/QPP kinda deal. They hurt so much but they are recovering!!! It updated while I was writing this! Let me go cry!!

Honey, I’m in the mafia. – Platonic Reader Insert – Ongoing/Unfinished

Hi mossy. You thought I would include the fic you wrote inspired by my own fic?? THINK AGAIN. This fic is freakin hilarious. You have to babysit Mafiafell!Sans and Papyrus who are young teens. This can only go well.

(I actually read it the other day but realised I didn't leave kudos. djfgfgkjkajsdkjsd)

Up in the Attic – Platonic Reader Insert – Ongoing/Unfinished

You’re a kid who lives in the Swapfell’s attic. They become your guardians :D

=========================

NON-READER INSERTS

You thought I was DONE? HAHAHA ha. I had to include these.

One by One – Finished

… (Knock, knock, knock)

If you need an indication as to how much I love this fic; I wrote out the last line on a blackboard and that remained on my wall for at least 5 years. It’s since been rubbed off, but I can still recite it to this day.

Cathartic AND beautiful. I've read this many times and also tried to copy-paste by hand into a word document before I realised Ao3 had a download feature.

Day to Day and One by One’s sequel, Truant similarly demolished me.

Brothers Beyond Bonedaries - Finished

Another fic which I haven’t read in years but really should. Both Sans and Papyrus are fallen humans who die and then...? Well go read it and find out ;]

How to raise your bitty - Finished (?)

Don’t have a brother? Storebought Adopted is fine! AKA. Razz (SF!Sans) gets a bitty named Slim (SF!Papyrus). I love it dearly. Again, it’s a series, so the series is technically unfinished, but each individual fic is complete.

The Planet Sanses - Ongoing/Unfinished

REALLY fun concept- what if Blue recruited the Bad Sanses to also help out when the other Star Sanses are busy. Thus the Bad Sanses become!! THE PLANET SANSES. The rest of the series is also fun- I liked the first fic, Blood Moon the most though :]!!

Remembrance - Finished

Some old-school Papyrus angst. This one is the first Undertale fic I bookmarked and thus holds an important place in my heart. Papyrus is so so so sad.

Appreciation for Honesty - Finished

AND WHAT’S THIS? MORE PAPYRUS ANGST? You can really see I was going through it back then. This one similarly broke my heart. You ever think about how many lies Papyrus is told? He does.

Flowey Is Not A Good Life Coach - Finished

[Warning: Contains Dark/Heavy Content.]

*Deep breath* Okay so. This is pure whump. Papyrus gets hurt. He gets hurt and it gets better but oh my goodness gracious does he get hurt.

If you want to read about Papyrus getting broken (in more ways than one) then you should read this fic. If you don’t, then go read one of the other fics I’ve linked that have nicer themes. Something funny. Or cute.

The Pap Chat Logs – Finished

[Warning: Contains Dark/Heavy Content.]

Read these if you want to be SAD. These are mostly chatlogs from an old discord server (that I actually joined and never talked in) which all deal with a great amount of PAPYRUS ANGST. Please note that these talk about a lot very very heavy content. Read the tags and click away if you need to.

In particular, I’d recommend Deitale and "The Great Papyrus" is an Excellent Host- the latter has also been turned into a comic! (Which you should also read, if you haven’t already)

=========================

And there we are! I ran out of links! Not as in I don't have more fics I want to add to this list, but rather tumblr only allows you to add 100 links. Augh. Suffering.

But I don't want to end it on such an angsty note!!! SO... the only logical course of action is to link...

SAUCY FICTION!! - Finished

[Warning: EXPLICIT!!!!! Talk about dicks and boobs!!!]

The only fully explicit fic I will link here. It is the funniest thing I’ve read in my life. Also, there’s a comic of it. I never need to read anything else in my entire life ever.

Wait, there’s a sequel-

=========================

This list in theory is much longer, but I was forcibly cut short by tumblr's limit to 100 links per post. Theoretically I could do a reblog and add more, but I've already gone on long enough. Tumblr Is barely letting me save this post as is ^^"

Also, I'm terrible at remembering to bookmark fics I like, so there's probably a ton I missed!!! :( Not to mention a few have been deleted since I last went and looked :< snowflakeimagines' Meet Ugly series... I would have added you to my list if I could.

There were a bunch of "weirder" fics that didn't make the cut, but this is still a pretty comprehensive list of fics I like :]

If any of yall have recommendations... hand them over. I have gone through the entirety of the reader insert tags, but somehow I still miss things.

Thank you for reading ;3c!!

[envyq00]

Hoooo it’s been some time, hasn’t it? 👀👀👀 My semester ended a couple weeks ago but holidays kept me busy for a while. But now they’re over so I’m actually back for now. Did y’all miss me? 👀👀

There’s so much I’d like to say but I just don’t really have the time or energy to read get into it all right now. Basically for now, all I can say is that I have a lot of plans I’m hoping to see to fruition this year but I’m also not exactly pressuring myself to try and get them ALL done. Especially cuz the time I do have to myself isn’t actually a whole lot. But we’ll see. One of said mini projects/plans I have is this Phantom of the Opera Kinsona art that I’ve been wanting to make. Just cuz I absolutely adore the story and it’s very dear to me and my younger self. Overall, it’s just been a therapeutic experience/exercise to indulge in. So this piece is part of that and I hope to deliver some more for it!

I’m also hoping to get back into my Stanley Parable stuff and finally deliver on that as well! I’ve taken a lengthy break from thinking about TSP and started thinking about other stuff like my fandomless OCs as well as my Ghost OC/fan stuff with that so I hope y’all can stick around for that. Same with Fnaf as well eheheheh.

I’m also hoping to write here more, like fun nerdy fandom things. Headcanon lists, media reviews, character analysis rambles, etc. I tend to use my Instagram story for those things but the more I do it, the more I recognize that stories REALLY aren’t built for something like this so I wanna start posting stuff like that here instead. And maybe in the future, I’ll make the leap to YouTube and actually present them in video format or smth 👀👀 We’ll see how things pan out. Anyway, nice to be back and on here again! Thank you guys for all your support!

[goddess-in-heaven-and-hell]

Hand in Hand, Heart to Heart Part II - Gwynriel One-Shot

Hey hoooo! This is long and smutty and such fun to write lol. 

Warnings: swearing, massages, fingering, oral (f receiving) 

Word count: 5.6k 

It’s funny how slow the mind works when you’ve just awoken it from a deep rest. Gwyn noticed the white light creeping through the curtains first, little pieces of dust dancing in the brightness. Then she noticed the heavenly feeling of warmth surrounding her body from all sides, the softness of the sheets against her skin. It made her want to never get up.

Reality started to set in a few seconds after that wishful thinking. Training, breakfast, her work in the library. And no Azriel beside her to make her morning just that little bit more magical.

With a loud, annoyed sigh, Gwyn detangled herself from the sheets and started her morning routine. It was weird how everything about the routine, and everything in the room, reminded her of Azriel. Usually, he’d have given her her hundredth kiss by now. He’d be utterly unhelpful when she tried to dress in her leathers, complaining about how he’d much rather train her in private, with less restrictive clothing. He’d sit with her in silent contemplation while she practiced a bit of mind-stilling, sometimes even doing it with her.

As Gwyn made her way outside to the roof of the house of wind, another unusual scene reminded her of his absence. Only one Illyrian warrior prepared for their class in the training ring, huffing and puffing as he lifted bits of heavy weaponry and obstacles into their respective places.

Gwyn never thought of herself as someone who would grumble and complain when their significant other was gone for a while, but noticing all the ways he should be in her life at this moment made her want to share it with him even more.

“Good morning. What’s with the face?”, Nesta came up from behind her, briefly hugging her to her side. She looked gorgeous as always, her hair tied neatly into a ponytail, the tight leathers flattering her every curve.

“Morning. I’m just watching Cassian and contemplating how painful of a death we will die today.”, the white lie tasted sour in her mouth. She wanted to tell Nesta, but at the same time felt a bit weak admitting that she missed her boyfriend. She was a Valkyrie, for the Mother’s sake, winner of the Blood Rite. Was it normal to be so attuned to another person?

Nesta observed her for a bit, her eyes narrowed slightly. “If you say so.”

Gwyn was luckily saved from the conversation as more and more Valkyries and priestesses arrived in the ring, chatting amongst themselves and making their way towards Cassian.

“We should get going.”, Gwyn murmured and started moving without waiting for Nesta.

The training was truly as hard as it looked. Cassian led the big group of females through a warm-up that might as well be considered a full workout, before they moved on to strength training. A minute never felt longer than when you had to spend it in a plank position, with a heavy rock pressing you down from your back. Honestly, maintaining her energy was a lot harder when she didn’t have that little extra motivation she usually got from showing off to Azriel.

During their little break Gwyn practically inhaled her water, Nesta and Emerie flanking her and looking no better.

“You’d think you did a good joy wearing the man out every night. But Illyrian bodies are no joke.”, Emerie grumbled towards Nesta with an accusatory stare.

Nesta just snorted, the gesture slightly less dismissive and cool when done during heavy inhales of breath. “I clearly do too much of the work.”

“Okay, Ladies, gather around!”, Cassian shouted from the middle of the ring, motioning the tired females into action.

Gwyn looked at Nesta over her shoulder, agreeing with the evaluation of her sex life. “Clearly.”

Another hour spent on conditioning with a practice sword tied to their back and Gwyn was well and truly exhausted. It had helped her mind a bit, though, her concentration now clearer than before. She was ready to tackle her work for the day when a deep voice shouted her name.

“Hey, Gwynie!”

That was Cassian, jogging towards her as she had already been on her way to the stairs.

“Do you have a minute?”, he came to a stand next to her, aggravatingly looking just as relaxed as before training, even though he joined in during most of the exercises.

“Sure.”, Gwyn shot him a smile, immediately perking up a bit. If Cassian wanted to talk to her, it was usually about Nesta or Azriel. Gwyn prayed to the Mother that he had news.

“I’ve received a note from Az this morning.”, he started. Gwyn’s next exhale was one of pure relief. Her Shadowsinger was alive and well. Her day already looked ten times brighter. “He said that he’ll wrap up his work within the next week. There has been a minor complication, but nothing he couldn’t handle. He said to expect him back around Saturday.”

Saturday. It was only Monday and the male had been gone for a good two weeks. Which was extra hard on the nerves if you knew he is in potentially dangerous situations daily.

Gwyn nodded. “Thanks for telling me. I’ve been a bit worried.”

Cassian flashed her his easy, gentle smile. “I’ve been worried, too. I swear the bastard forgets to message me on purpose. He’s only doing it more regularly now because the message is meant for you as well.”

“You know me, always eager to help.”, the priestess tried to joke, but the line of worry didn’t move from her face. Cassian noticed too.

“He also said to tell you that he misses you and he will hurry.” Cassian had always been the gentle giant, way too attuned to emotions for his brutal looks.

Gwyn pressed her lips together to keep them from trembling a bit. What was wrong with her?

“You know, its normal to miss your partner during times like this.”, he said carefully. Gwyn cursed herself silently for letting that much of her misery slip onto her face. “When Nesta was taken from me during the Rite I was beside myself. Nearly mad from the need to be with her. I know Az didn’t enter a Rite, and you two aren’t mated. But what he does isn’t exactly a picknick in a park either.”

It felt good for Gwyn to hear that. If even Cassian’s emotions depended heavily on Nesta’s presence and her well-being, then maybe her own yearning was more normal than she thought.

It made going through the day a bit easier. Not just this day, but the rest of the week as well. She trained hard, ate her breakfast in calming silence, then ventured down into the heart of the house to begin her day under Merrill’s strict supervision. Manuscript after manuscript went by her and if it weren’t for the big clock announcing the end of the work day, she’d have probably worked through the night. Only during dusk services she snapped out of her trance. The Mother deserved her whole attention, after all. And weirdly, it made her feel more connected to Az as well. He sometimes joined the service, if he found time in his busy schedule, and nothing made Gwyn happier then when he sang the traditional hymns with everyone.

After her Friday service, Gwyn found her way to her and Azriel’s bedroom, legs feeling like lead, head like jelly. It had been a tough week, and the priestess was glad it came to an end. She reminded herself that, also, there was only one more sleep before her love will be with her again. The thought brought a smile to her face that felt a bit foreign, like the muscles usually used for it left with Azriel.

She didn’t even notice him, so engrossed in her own world. But to be fair, he had a way of hiding in the dark.

“I sincerely hope it was the thought of me that brought that beautiful smile to your face.”

Gwyn stopped dead in her tracks. How did she not see him? The hallway was dark, yes, but for a girl that barely had anything else on her mind than him, it was a bit embarrassing.

Azriel was leaning against the wall leading to the corridor of their room, surprisingly not looking like he just came back from a mission. His hair looked freshly washed and soft, siphons and leathers discarded for some more comfortable cotton clothes. He appeared to be exhausted though, the dark under his eyes mirroring his dancing Shadows.

Gwyn couldn’t believe her eyes as she drank him in like she’d never seen him before. Mother, did he get more handsome? With a few quick steps she stood before him, flinging her arms around his neck and finally – finally – feeling his lips against hers. Azriel met her halfway, clearly just as eager to have her in his arms again. His wings folded around her, too, cocooning her in the feel of her Shadowsinger.

“I’ve misses you so much.”, she whispered against his chest when their lips parted, way too happy to see him again to remove herself from his form.

“I’ve missed you more.”, he laughed, pressing a gentle kiss on top of her head. “I’ve never flown so fast in my life. Or took bigger leaps when Shadowtravelling. You truly inspire me to be better.”

He smiled down at her, his eyes glowing with love and happiness. Gwyn probably looked the same – just hopefully less exhausted.

Her fingers lightly roamed over his face, feeling the tightness in his jaw, the hollow of his cheek. “You need to rest, Az. Have you eaten?”

Azriel shook his head. “I’ve come straight here, made myself presentable again and then waited. My body needed to see you more than it needed food.”

Gwyn narrowed her eyes at him, unsure if he was joking or not. His face stayed in that serious, relaxed state. “More than food? You have weird priorities, Shadowsinger.”

He angled his head to the side, his brows jumping up slightly. “If you had yourself as a girlfriend, you’d consider yourself a top priority as well.”

“Mhh, I might.”, Gwyn said in a fake-cocky voice, “I would also consider myself Queen of the World, and I would bring myself chocolate daily to stay in my good graces.”

She took his hand while talking, leading him to their room.

“Then, I’d give myself nice, long back massages, treat myself to a new book every week… actually, make that two.”

Azriel shook his head in disbelief. “Should I start taking notes, Berdara?”

“You should.”, Gwyn stated matter-of-fact, hand already on the doorknob of their room, “I mean, surprising your girlfriend in coming home earlier is pretty good, too. But you could really level up by listening…”

Her voice trailed off as she took in the room that opened in front of her. Azriel had been taking notes, it seemed. And he was damn efficient at putting them into action.

The whole room was lit up by candles, curtains and windows open to let in the quiet, warm night. On her bedside table stood a vase of white roses, and – Mother – a box of her favorite caramel chocolates. If you looked up the definition of ‘romance’ in the library, this exact picture will be found.

“Good enough, priestess?”, Azriel asked from behind her, voice dry from sarcasm and satisfaction. “Must be, if it managed to shock you into silence.”

Note taking her ass. That male could write a whole book about giving Gwyn princess treatment, it seemed.

“Az.”, her voice should have come out strong and excited. Instead, it cracked, her eyes burning already from the pent-up emotion inside her. She must have done something very right in her past life to deserve someone like him.

“It’s my way to apologize for being gone so long.”, he said, coming up beside her to squeeze her hand in his. “I know it’s not going to magic away what I do, and me having to travel. But I hope it makes up for it a little.”

He placed a revered kiss on her knuckles. Gwyn still tried to process the beauty of the room, the thoughtfulness of her partner. “Az, you don’t need to apologize. I’ve known what you do since before we started being together. I’m just happy you are home safe.”

They found each other in a tight embrace again. Gwyn felt Azriel’s heart beat steadily in his chest, his Shadows and his hands taking turns in caressing her back. This was worth the time spent apart, she thought. Gwyn could have stayed like this forever, never tiring of the feel of his body against her or his smell surrounding her. But Azriel seemed to have plans.

“Remember when you said you’d give yourself massages?”, he murmured, gently pushing her away and towards the bed. Gwyn nodded with a grin on her face. She was going to have the time of her life. What was better than feeling Azriel’s hands on her bare back?

“I’d be happy to comply, under one condition.”, Az continued.

“And what would that be?”

“You’d have to be naked.”, he couldn’t help that one stubborn corner of his mouth lifting as he said that. Gwyn just raised her brows, sitting down on the edge of the bed to fake deep contemplation. She would strip the second he told her to, but there was no rule stating she can’t toy with him first.

“Why would I do that?”, she asked in a borderline innocent voice.

“It would be beneficial for the message, since I’d be able to reach more places.”, Azriel stated, slowly kneeling before her and reaching for her shoes. He untied one of the light slippers before sliding it off her foot, then grabbing the other. “Also, you’d not get too warm. We don’t want you overheating so early on in the evening.” Her other shoe slid off her foot, and Azriel brough his lips to the arch of it. The kiss felt like the flutter of a butterfly and sent little sparks all the way up her leg. “And lastly, you’re going to do it, because I told you so.”

His forearms came up to the bed, framing Gwyn’s hips and trapping her before him. The husky tone of his voice sent more shivers dancing on her skin. “So, do you want to get more of your sass out now, or are you going to be good for me?”

Gwyn could have sworn her heart skipped for a second. She didn’t take her eyes off Azriel as the reality of what he just said set in. This was different, more assertive than the last time they were intimate. And even though her brain didn’t comprehend yet, her body was already reacting.

“I’ll be good.”, she said, voice raspy.

Azriel nodded along, like this was the only response he accepts anyways, and made room for her to relieve herself of her clothing.

Gwyn stripped down slowly, taking her time to regain some of her senses and, in all honesty, to break through Azriel’s calm. It wasn’t fair that she felt all these feeling, while he looked like he is just about to take a stroll in the park.

Mind you, that calm façade of his started crumbling as soon as the last piece of Gwyn’s clothing hit the floor. The Shadowsinger thought that he’ll never get used to this view. It was what he had dreamt of every night he spent in the human lands, it centered him everytime he encountered a problem. Gwyn’s beauty was ethereal, unmatched by anything he has seen before. He already yearned to let his rough hand slide around her waist, to feel her soft thighs and the piece of heaven that lay between them.

“Go lie on the bed, my love. Face down.”, he said, trying to regain his previous aloofness. He had been dominant in bed frequently, and enthusiastically, but Gwyn had a way to make him want to bend over backwards for her.

He admired the way her lean muscle moved as she crawled on the bed, had to suppress a groan when her naked backside came into perfect view. Fuck, he wanted to devour her. But he if he was a master of one thing, it would have to be patience.

Azriel went to collect the oils he’d use for the massage while Gwyn got comfortable, burying her face in a soft pillow. He got settled on the side of her body, pouring the oil on his hands and warming it up between them. When he placed his palms on her bare back, Gwyn signed.

His hands were warm and heavy, languidly moving up and down her spine to spread the oil evenly. The years of handling weapons clearly paid off in moments like this. Azriel found the perfect pressure and began working on her shoulders before travelling down to her sides and her lower back. Gwyn’s body began to feel like a feather after a while, so light and relaxed she never wanted to move again in fear of losing that sensation. The Shadowsinger was thorough, working out all the knots and returning to the places she loved most over and over again. She almost drifted to sleep, almost forgot the throbbing in her core as it dulled to a manageable tingle.

Until Azriel’s hands found the backs of her thighs. New oil was applied generously, and then Gwyn was caught in the weird state between being very relaxed, and very on edge.

His thumbs just sometimes seemed to find their way to the underside of her butt, then slipping towards the inside as if by accident. But the frequency of that happening told her that it was anything but an accident. After a few minutes of that torture, Gwyn began squirming, trying to move at exactly the right time to make his hands slip even more, to the place she needed him.

“Relax, love.”, Azriel murmured from above.

Gwyn almost wanted to laugh. Relaxing was now furthest from her mind. All she needed was his finger on her clit, or inside her, or preferably both at the same time. She tried telling him as much. “Azriel, please.”

She lifted her butt up just slightly, hoping he’d get the hint. Instead, both of his hand vanished from her body.

Gwyn cursed herself for her eagerness. If she learned one thing from spending so much time with the Shadowsinger, it was that you shouldn’t hurry him.

What she didn’t know was that Azriel’s mind was already in a hurry, driven not only from Gwyn’s heavenly scent and clear impatience, but more urgently from his own desire. Moving his fingers anywhere but on or in her was a form of torture he had discovered only now. And it hasn’t only been torture for his priestess.

Snatching a smaller pillow from the head of the bed, he grabbed Gwyn’s hips with his other hand to place the cushion underneath her. “Still comfortable?”

Gwyn let out a weak noise that sounded affirmative enough, and Azriel couldn’t help grinning at the way she already was puddy in his hands. And he didn’t even start the main event yet.

With her butt perched upwards and legs spread slightly, her core was perfectly exposed. He slid his oiled thumb down her folds, not using enough pressure to part them fully, but the feeling made Gwyn release a breathy exhale nonetheless. The lavender oil already started mixing with the wetness flowing out of her.

Azriel palmed himself with his other hand, patience wearing thin. He was so hard beneath his cotton trousers that only the slightest touch of Gwyn’s hands would make him burst. But that wasn’t on the plan for today, so a bit of pressure relief from himself would have to do. The entirety of his focus was set on her core, making her come and scream in pleasure.

This thumb started to move idly up and down her pussy, slowly starting to sink deeper into her slit. The heat and moisture were unbelievable to him. It filled him with a sense of pride that he was responsible for her reaction, and that all fears and inhibitions seemingly flew out of the window. Gwyn whimpered so beautifully that he pressed his thumb down with a little more pressure now, circling her clit whenever he was on his way down, slightly dipping inside her when he came back up.

He could have done it for hours, mesmerized by the pink of her flesh and her noises. But he also knew that she was probably at the brink of an orgasm by now, her hands clawed into the sheet and brows furrowed in pleasure.

“You’ve been so patient for me. Do you want to come, love?”, he asked her with a gravely voice. Gwyn wanted to claw at him, scream at him. Yes, a hundred times yes! But she had the feeling that sassiness wouldn’t get her anywhere tonight. So instead, she assumed her best pleading voice – which wasn’t a hard feat to achieve at this point – and begged.

“Yes, please, Azriel.”

“Mh.”, Az drawled out behind her, resuming his pattern of movement. “I’ll give you a minute to do so. One second after and you’ll have to do more than begging.”

Gwyn didn’t completely register his answer before he plunged two fingers into her heat while his other finger remained firmly pressed on her clit. He fucked her with an almost brutal pace, meeting no resistance whatsoever from her body. Gwyn was glad for it, thankful he didn’t slowly ease himself in. After only a few pumps of his fingers and another swirl around her clit, she came completely undone beneath him.

“Fuck, Gwyn,” Azriel ground out. She could only assume that he felt her come with his fingers still knuckle-deep inside her and enjoyed it nearly as much as she did. “That’s it, love. Good fucking girl.”

He gave her maybe a minute to recuperate, barely enough time to get her breathing back to normal, to regain feeling in her legs. She felt the pillow being snatched from underneath her, felt her hip and then her whole body being turned on the soft sheets. With freshly regained focus, Gwyn looked up and saw a grin on Azriel that promised nothing but mischief. He lowered himself to hover above her, pupils dilated so wide no amber could be seen in his eyes.

With a soft brush of his nose against hers, he whispered, “What do you say?”

“Thank you.”, her voice was barely more than a whisper, too.

“Mhh”. The rest of his hum was swallowed by Gwyn’s lips, vibrating along the edges as he kissed her deeply.

Gwyn felt as if drunk. Floating in her own body, warm and fuzzy, and weirdly confident. Even though she gave up all her power, yielded to him, she felt free. And if the past minutes made her realize something, it was that she loved being good for him.

Azriel was the first to break the kiss, climbing off the bed and pulling Gwyn with him. The way she looked up to him with wide doe-eyes, the teal of her irises vibrant against the flush of her cheek, it made Az nearly feral with the need to have her. His damned Illyrian heritage was making his blood boil beneath the surface, all senses attuned to nothing but Gwyn. If there would have been an intruder in the House, he wouldn’t have noticed. A war could break out right outside their window and he’d see and hear nothing but her. Taste was the only thing missing from his life.

“Stand.”, he rasped out, trying to balance her wobbly legs, “Lean against the bedframe when it’s difficult.”

Gwyn nodded, her now messy hair bouncing with the movement. She reached for the seam of his shirt, desperate to feel him too, grazing her fingers along the warm patch of skin she found. But Azriel snatched her hands away, an almost violent jerk going through him. He raised her hands above her head, pinning them to the wood of the bedframe. “Don’t do that again, or I’m going to embarrass us both.”

Gwyn was disappointed. All she wanted was to feel his skin against hers. “Can you at least take you shirt off, please?”

Azriel was in a dilemma now. If he was meant to be completely dominant, a request like that would have fallen on deaf ears, or it would have led to a punishment. But he also wanted her to feel the best she possibly could. Him being fully dressed while she was completely naked had a dynamic of power in and of itself. What if she felt insecure? His inner monologue was interrupted by Gwyn.

“Azriel.”, was the one and only thing she said, her voice so full of gentleness and plea. And that one word was enough to command him. He reached for his shirt, yanking it off and then falling back into his position of pinning Gwyn against the frame.

Gwyn didn’t think she could feel more attracted to the male than when he made her come, or when he kissed her with his remarkable gentleness. But as inches upon inches of bronze and inked skin revealed itself before her, her knees nearly gave out for the second time that night. Azriel was sculpted by the Gods and she’d accept no other assessment.

His hand came to grab her jaw, molding itself against the curve of her neck. “What I need you do to now, is stay very, very still. One move of your hips and I’ll stop.”

“What is going to happen?”, she didn’t want to ask the question, but a little surge of panic due to the uncertainty made her do it.

Her Shadowsinger just smiled, this one more loving than the predatorial grin from before, and parted her lips with his tongue. He grazed the roof of her mouth, languidly stroking her own tongue until he withdrew with a quick peck to her lips.

And Gwyn understood what exactly was about to happen.

Azriel began kissing his way down, first paying attention to her neck and collarbones. His hands found her breasts, kneading them firmly and pinching her nipple inbetween his fingers. The sting of hurt was quickly replaced though, as his mouth latched onto one of her buds, gently flicking it with his tongue. Gwyn tried her hardest to stay still, like he told her to. But if this was already making her squirm, she doubted she could muster the discipline for when his wicked mouth met her core.

More and more soft kisses travelled down her breasts and stomach. When his mouth reached the bone of her hip, he started licking. Gwyn swore she felt that movement elsewhere and barely suppressed a whimper. But Azriel wasn’t in a hurry, caressing every inch of skin with his mouth and fingers that came before the place she wanted to have him most.

Until finally, he settled further down, now fully kneeling before her.

His tongue found the topmost part of her slit first, the lick slowly morphing into a kiss. Gwyn stood unnaturally still, both her hand grasping the bedframe to steady herself. She’d never let someone come so close to the most intimate part of her.

Azriel continued his warm kisses down her slit as far as he could reach, not yet parting her folds. His hands stroked up and down her hips in a soothing manner. But she didn’t know if it was meant to soothe her or him. The Shadowsinger seemed to tremble before her, or maybe she didn’t see correctly.

“Good?” The voice that came out of Azriel’s mouth sounded different, lower and more strained than usual. Gwyn looked down at his intense eyes and gave a slight nod.

That was all he needed before he spat out a word in Illyrian that sounded suspiciously like a curse, and then parted the folds of her core with his tongue. The noise that escaped Gwyn was low-key a cry, but she didn’t care as his mouth moved directly on her flesh now, caressing every inch of skin he could find. To experience someone’s tongue on your core was a wild feeling. You opened the most vulnerable part of yourself, presented yourself in plain sight in the hopes that your partner showed you care and pleasure.

Azriel understood that. He licked her carefully first, the wetness from her previous orgasm helping him glide over her pussy. Up and down and up and down, until his whole being was consumed by the taste of her. He narrowed in on her clit when he felt her fingers tangle in his hair for purchase. Stiffening his tongue, he dove under the little hood that separated him from her most sensitive spot and gently moved it in a circle.

Gwyn’s chest heaved from the intensity of feeling. She always thought that males licked their partners just for some kind of gain, maybe for them to reciprocate the action, or as a treat on a special occasion. The books she read presented a different sentiment, but she never really expected real males to service their partner like that.                                            

She should have known that Azriel wouldn’t disappoint. Gwyn could tell he cherished every stroke of his tongue against her from the way he closed his eyes in pleasure and his fingers digging into her hips almost too harshly. His kisses her pussy reverently, his tongue rubbing with just the right pressure in just the right spot.  

After a few of the best minutes of Gwyn’s life, Azriel stopped his movements and rested his head on her inner thigh. “Love, forget what I said earlier. I want you to move on me.”

Gwyn looked at him in shock. This wasn’t what they agreed on.

“It will be easy. I promise. I’ll help you. Just tilt your hip in a way that feels good.”, he reassured her, his hand grabbing her waist.

“But I might suffocate you.”, she rasped, her voice not used to talking after all the moans.

Azriel grinned. “That’s exactly what I’m hoping for, Berdara.”

And with the most flirty wink, he buried his tongue in her pussy again. His hand now grabbed one of her legs to lift it and place it over his shoulder.

Gwyn barely moved an inch as she tried to tilt her hips for the first time, like Azriel suggested. It wasn’t as hard as she thought it would, standing on one leg. But since she had the bed and Azriel to hold onto, they gave her some leverage. But her Shadowsinger grew impatient quickly. He put pressure on her lower back, forcing her to move quicker and purposeful.

“Gwyn, fuck yourself on my tongue, please.”

The wave of pleasure following his words was something entirely new again. This time, it brought a sense of power with it. She didn’t know when and how they switched their roles for Azriel to be the one to beg, but something about his desperation made her move.

Gwyn rode the Shadowsinger’s tongue with rhythmic rolls of her hips, his tongue hitting her clit every time. Her fingers clawed themselves into his hair, holding his face in place to use it as she saw fit. The orgasm that forced its way through her came completely out of the blue, or maybe it had been lurking from the very first touch of his mouth. With a sharp cry, her hips stuttering, she released on Azriel’s tongue.

It was intense and longer than the one before. When Azriel released her leg, she slowly slid down the bedframe, catching her breath in the process. The Shadowsinger pulled her in a tight embrace the second she came close, nestling her into his lap on the floor.

“Az, I don’t have words.”, she told him after a while. Her entire mental lexicon of synonyms for ‘earthshattering’ wasn’t enough for what she felt. Azriel released a hoarse laugh in answer.

“Who needs words if we can just do it again.”

Gwyn looked up from his chest, trying to figure out if he was joking or not. Judging by the expression of his face, he didn’t.

“Shadowsinger, if I come one more time I’ll turn into a puddle and you have to mop up my remains. Is that how you want to end the night?”, she asked.

Azriel, Mother bless him, actually looked disappointed. “I guess not.”

They sat like that for a while, Azriel’s hands idly stroking up and down Gwyn’s back. It was a testament to the intensity of the night that she took an embarrassing amount of time to notice the hardness that pressed into her side.

Shame flooded Gwyn like never before. There she was, blissfully relaxed from two orgasms, a back massage and gentle rubs, while her exhausted Shadowsinger suffered in silence.

“Az, would you like me to take care of you now?”, she asked, pressing a light kiss to his cheek with the question. The thought of pleasuring him made her equal parts nervous and excited.

“Mh?”, Azriel seemed to need a second to figure out what she was referring to. “Oh, no need. I’m going to calm down in a minute.”

Gwyn was just about to take the way-out he offered when her eyes fell back to the room he had prepared. The candles still flickering away, the roses perched on the bedside table, the deepest love she ever had cradling her safely in his lap.

An unusual sense of peace settled over her as she whispered, with a smile playing on her lips, “It don’t want you to calm down.”

taglist: @captain-of-the-gwynriel-ship

[jingyismom]

hiiii!!!! i've seen you reblog some spn stuff recently and I keep wondering to myself what made it resurface for you, have you just recently finished watching it, or have you lived through the Collective Tumblr Trauma and are simply revisiting some of the good stuff in the better seasons? I'm sorry if this is super weird to ask sfjkfjdfk maybe I just haven't been following you for long enough and don't know the hidden lore of you being an spn blog before cql took over haha

Ahahahaha hoooo boy well

THIS blog I did not start until cql took over my life. But before that I was on tumblr essentially from the start, doing nothing in particular - so you could say I lived through the Collective Tumblr Trauma but only at a distance as I'm so ancient that I'd already stopped watching spn almost before tumblr existed

As for what made it resurface for me, @valarinde and I were joking about rewatching the early years and then it swiftly exited joking territory. Which also resulted in me finding out how far removed I really was from the Collective Tumblr Trauma because wtf was nobody gonna tell me about Richard Siken talking about wincest and writing Sherlock fic???????????? HELLO??????? HOW DID I MISS THAT

[ilikereadingactually]

The Imperial Radch Trilogy

hoooo boy, do my mismatched covers annoy me! so much that i ordered lightly used copies of each book with its other cover also, and will soon have a full set of each, because i am one of those people.

Ancillary Justice by Ann Leckie

picking up a book that's as exquisitely written as this is like slipping into a warm bath. like i can just relax, because i'm in skilled hands. the amount of trust that precise, compelling prose can win from me in just a few pages is astonishing, and has rarely been misplaced.

and this is one that requires a little bit of trust! like many of my favorite speculative books, there's no soulless infodumping about the world here--background is given when it fits and serves the narrative, and otherwise you learn the world by experience. through the distinct and fascinating experience of Breq, in fact, who used to be the AI of a military spaceship with many ancillary bodies (human bodies that house its consciousness and crew the ship) and now exists as only one lone ancillary on a revenge mission. i love Breq's very specific and unusual perspective; i love jumping back and forth in time to see the past and the present and wonder how they're going to collide; i love weird space politics and religion and the exploration of emotion as a part of sentience. also!! i love many of the side characters!! Breq is really the focus, but everyone else who enters the story, even briefly, is clear and interesting, and some of them made me cry.

and i love the way gender is presented in this book SO MUCH. Breq comes from a society that doesn't distinguish gender, and uses "she" as the default pronoun, which i already love. and the book doesn't give many clear visual descriptions of anyone--so we're fully inside that perspective. Breq does take some notice of class, through accents and clothing, but just isn't at all concerned with markers of gender, and actively has difficulty identifying gender in other languages and cultures she encounters. i think this takes a lot of skill to write, and it's frankly baller to read.

also! i fucking love that the standard of not only beauty but high class and privilege in this society is dark skin!!!!!!!! dark is fashionable! dark is aristocratic!! i mean im never gonna be like "this fantasy imperialist classism is actually the good kind" because that's missing the whole point of the books, but it's so REFRESHING to visualize.

a line i really liked: AI to AI communication

"You still had your ancillaries," said Mercy of Kalr. "Yes." "I like my soldiers, but I miss having ancillaries." That reminded me. "They aren't doing maintenance as they should. The hinges on the airlock door were very sticky." "I'm sorry." "It doesn't matter now," I said, and it struck me that something similar might have delayed Anaander Mianaai's attempts to open the lock on her side. "But you'll want to have your officers get after them."

books 2 and 3 under the cut!

Ancillary Sword by Ann Leckie

LOVE a second book in a series that delights me just as much as the first but in new and different ways!! Leckie's prose is still gorgeous, that's a given. but this book, as with many good speculative series, heightens the stakes and broadens the world. where the first book was a somewhat more intimate story about a few connected characters and the pursuit of a personal goal, the second book brings in more complex political intrigue, addresses more widespread injustices, and introduces an array of excellent new characters. the first book held on to its tension by moving back and forth in time; this book takes advantage of the wider spread and Breq's particular kind of perception to tell multiple stories happening simultaneously, through glimpses at what other characters are doing "offscreen." it's a fantastic tactic!!

it's also clearer in this book how unreliable Breq's narration is, specifically about her own state of being. she thinks of herself as not human, and so as less important--she doesn't take the time to narrate or even notice her own physical state or emotional needs until she's totally overwhelmed, at which point we start to get little flashes of what everyone around her sees: a person of incredible kindness and integrity and intelligence, beloved by those under her care. there's a specific kind of intimacy between characters in these books that fascinates me, i love every acts of service bitch in this bar.

a line i really liked: why is every book series i love actually about grief

"Citizen, I am in mourning." I had not had time to clean the white stripe off my face for the night. And she could not possibly have forgotten the reason for it. "But surely, Fleet Captain," she replied sweetly, "that's all for show." "It's always for show, Citizen. It is entirely possible to grieve with no outward sign. These things are meant to let others know about it."

Ancillary Mercy by Ann Leckie

wow. ok. so. i drafted the section on Ancillary Justice above after finishing just that book; wrote the section on Ancillary Sword after reading all three books and listening to the first two audiobooks; here i am to write about Ancillary Mercy after reading the series once and listening to all the audiobooks twice. so...my descent into obsession will be palpable.

i'm actually a little mad that i didn't have these books on my radar before, but i was deeply embedded in the children's lit world at the time they were coming out, and maybe would not have enjoyed them as much as i did. which is something i loved in this series--the persistent idea that people not only change over time, but that in each moment, all the choices you have made up to that moment have created you specifically, and if you had made different choices, you would be a different person. i'm not the person i was then, five years out of grad school, busting my ass for $10/hour in children's bookstores, reading mostly middle grade because middle grade reliably is not romantic and i did not yet know i was aroace. so, overall, i'm grateful these books have come to me now (thanks to my best friend, who sent me Ancillary Justice for my birthday and kept telling me i would love it).

but let me talk a little about this third book in particular. once again, the stakes are incrementally raised: threats that were at a little distance before finally arrive in a bigger way, or come back again after a tense reprieve; the question of who is a person, what a "person" even is, becomes both more muddied and more crucial than ever. through it all, Breq continues to move doggedly forward with stubborn compassion for everyone but herself, keeps throwing herself in front of danger, and makes a more enormous impact on the world around her than i ever expected. this book is like everything i ever loved about Star Trek: Deep Space Nine (the best Trek don't come at me) but with oodles more gender fuckery.

it's also the really beautiful culmination of my other favorite theme of these books: that you can't know what effects your choices will have, and maybe you'll never know, but the chain of those effects will go farther than you imagine. it's so wild, on a second and third read, to see both the ripples of ruthless and self-centered choices, and the ripples of choices that come from an ethic of care. Even inside a terrible, imperialist system doing terrible, imperialist things, a single compassionate person persistently doing what she feels is right can change the course of someone else's life, and in doing so change the course of the universe.

a line i really liked: everything happening here is a blessing

"Thank all the gods," said Sphene. "I was afraid you were going to suggest we sing that song about the thousand eggs." "A thousand eggs all nice and warm," I sang. "Crack, crack, crack, a little chick is born. Peep peep peep peep! Peep peep peep peep!" "Why, Fleet Captain," Translator Zeiat exclaimed, "that's a charming song! Why haven't I heard you sing it before now?" I took a breath. "Nine hundred ninety-nine eggs all nice and warm..." "Crack, crack, crack," Translator Zeiat joined me, her voice a bit breathy but otherwise quite pleasant, "a little chick is born. Peep peep peep peep! What fun! Are there more verses?" "Nine hundred and ninety-eight of them, Translator," I said. "We're not cousins anymore," said Sphene.

the combo deets

how i read them: i read the first as a physical book (thanks B <3), started the second as an ebook, happened to be at a bookstore and picked up the second and third, and so read them all physical in the end. also, highly rec the audiobooks!! i don't know how they'd go as a first read, but they're extremely fun as a reread. lots of great accents and really interesting tonal choices.

try these if you: dig hard SF and examinations of artificial intelligence and personhood, are weak for self-sacrificing main characters, want that sweet aspec rep, or fuck with gender! or, and this may sound weird, love people bonding with dragons in your fantasy books--there are a lot of relationships here that feel similar to me.

maybe not for you if: you really need to avoid depression/suicidality, drug addiction, or genocide in stories. none of these things are here in a degree that i found too difficult to handle, but i like an uncomfortable read, so ymmv.

i'm reading Provenance, the next book set in this universe, right now! so more Imperial Radch reviews to come.

[tworegimesof]

It’s me again, your biggest spammer atp lmao.

One of the reasons I love your stories so much is because you write relationships, romantic or otherwise, so beautifully. I loved your depiction of Aoba and Anko’s friendship in On a Distant Star - their bond transcends the usual human connection. That’s very rare to find, especially in a male-female friendship in writing.

It’s glorious to read about the messiness and complexity of interpersonal relationships in all their twisty beauty - especially when done by an author who knows the ins and outs of humanity. You can make a reader love even the most random background character who’s appeared for, what, a page? Their idiosyncrasies, their flaws, and their passions all shine through in your writing.

Not to mention that I LOVE your rarepairs. As for Raidō and Kurenai??? Hoooo boi I never thought I’d ship it more than her and Asuma 😂 (seeing the three of them and how they interacted in Storms, being so beautifully in character, was a treat. I wanna ramble more because there is SO MUCH). I didn’t even know sai/tenten existed until I discovered one of your fics and that sent me down a rabbit hole asw ahshshshs.

I’m so sorry for the long-winded essay I just wrote you 😂 I’m running on three hours of sleep and am jet-lagged as fuck. Not to mention I had to sit at my laptop for the better part of a day and hammer out two assignments due on the same day. So I apologise for any lack of clarity herein.

Anyway, I hope you have a lovely day! ☺️

Ah, it's not spam! I have Tumblr because I know readers sometimes feel more comfortable connecting here rather than leaving a kudos or comment.

I think I'm kind of a boring writer. My best stories don't have a lot in terms of plot, and mostly I just write what I want to read because I like so many rare pairs. I think we all want to feel a deep connection, platonic or romantic, and for some characters, like Aoba and Anko, I think them being very close friends makes more sense than a traditional romantic entanglement.

I think you're giving me too much credit lol I have just read a lot of books and seen messy people in action. I feel like I abuse the man versus self trope all the time, but that's what I'm really interested in, is how we lie to ourselves and betray ourselves to our own detriment. And the background characters are easier because there's more room to play around with them, and potential readers aren't invested in them the same was as they are with popular characters. Writing Kakashi puts my stomach in knots, but characters like Asuma and Raidou are easy peasy, because I know enough to make guesses and can be creative.

LOL Raidou and Kurenai only started because I thought it was lame for Kakashi and Asuma to be her two options. Raidou was just cute enough and you could see the leap between him to Asuma. LOL I'm never getting away from Storms. It's a mess in a lot of ways and there are things I would change, but from some of the comments I also feel like the people who needed to read it found it, so it stays. I just think that Lovesickness will be better, and a fuller picture of what could've happened.

I will maintain, until my dying day, that Sai and Tenten aren't a huge leap at all lol.

I don't mind the essays! And I definitely know what it means to be jetlagged and a student. I most certainly do not miss either. Thank you so much for reading and leaving such a sweet comment, take care!

(And find time away from you computer, learn from my mistakes and save your eyes and posture lol).

[inevitably-johnlocked]

hi steph! I've been a long time follower from another tumblr but i havent been on that account for months. that said, today after all my uni finals finally ended i decided to look this lovely page up, because you were/ still are a source of infinite comfort and johnlock fic recs that are just amazing <3 i missed you guys, and I'm glad to see you are doing this still, steph, it's so admirable and I hope you're doing well ❤️ i also write fics, and i randomly thought I'd search a tag of a fic of mine and i was hella surprised to see someone recommend it?? like?? WHAT???? the nonny was so adorable and like 🥺🥺🥺 it makes me feel things and i was surprised people receive it so well 🥺🥺 it's reichenbach falls, my gigantic superwholock fic, and I just want whoever reads it to know that i am alive, just was busy with a job and university, but!!!! i am still working on it! i am not ever abandoning it, i just need to gather up some strength for the next 200 chapters, because hoooo BOY will the story get even more exciting and probably well iver 1mil words :) so yeah, i got emotional today from the fact that you're still here, being lovely and helping (and hopefully you're good too) and from a cute nonny who took the time to read my giant project 🥺 the last 2 chapters of s1 are coming this month for sure, just as a teaser 🥺❤️ i love you guys!!!!!!!!

Hey Nonny!!

AHHHH This is such a beautiful message!! Sorry for taking so long to reply, I just wanted to make sure it got featured properly!! <3

Glad to see you return, and glad that your schooling went well!

AHH Vee!! Yes, a lot of people love your fic!! I get suggested it often for lots of tags, so yes, we're glad you're okay, and DON'T feel obligated to finish your story faster!! We all have personal lives!!

Thank you so much for the update on you, your life, and your fanfiction!! Have a FANTASTIC day!!!!!!

And if anyone wants to read the fic, it's this one:

Reichenbach Falls by VeeTheRee (M, 536,133+ w., 101/303 Ch. || WiP || Gravity Falls /  Multifandom AU || Alternate First Meeting, Gay Sherlock, Mutual Pining, Unilock, Summer Romance/Love, Fluff, Insecure Sherlock, Villain Mary, First Kiss, Slow Burn, Doctor Who, Supernatural, Canadian John, French Canadian Lestrade, Insecure Sherlock, Mystery, Domestic Fluff, Developing Relationship Summer Love, Light Angst, BAMF! John, Case Fic) – Two Canadians, two Brits studying in Canada, and an upkeeper walk into a Mystery Shack…. and live there. Summer holidays are here, and the step-siblings, Irene Adler and Sherlock Holmes, find themselves in a boring town called Reichenbach Falls, Oregon, USA. It isn’t as boring as it seems, however, once Sherlock stumbles upon a mystery journal, and the author is unknown. The journal contains ciphers, a strange colour wheel, and information about magical creatures that are said to be looming in the Northwestern forests. With mysteries to solve in hand, he and Irene set out to get to the roots of the town, and the abrupt disappearance of the author of the journal. But they’re not alone - John Watson, quite the handsome nephew of the Mystery Shack owner Greg Lestrade, is on their side to help out, plus mess with Sherlock’s feelings, in a good way. Shenanigans, romance, fun, danger, and deductions ensue. Oh, and there’s also occasional SuperWhoLock and two dorky Winchester brothers to spark up the action later on. Part 1 of the Reichenbach Falls series

------

Enjoy!!!! <3 <3

[7ndipity]

Oooooooh shipping game?? How did I miss that you’re doing this! I haven’t participated in one in so long, so hopefully I’ll be able to give you something to work with 🙈

Zodiac sign: Pisces

Chinese zodiac: Wood Dog (94 liner, and I actually turn 30 this year and hoooo boy the crisis is real)

MBTI: whichever one is the (turbulent) Logician type, sorry I don’t remember the abbreviations

She/her pronouns.

I’m an introvert (not the shy type) who routinely gets adopted by extroverts and then has to withdraw from society to recover. I love dogs (but irl I actually have a cat, because my dogs were too big to move them with me when I moved out for uni, so I literally googled ‚cat breeds dog personality’ and got one for myself).

I’m also a bookworm, although uni kinda killed my love for reading for a long while (literature major) and my favorite genres are fantasy, sci-fi and supernatural horror. I’m drawn to things that are a bit (a lot) darker than the usual, books and movies that explore the complexity of human nature and our place in the universe (I feel like I’m setting myself up to be shipped with Namjoon by writing this). I was raised as a metalhead and still listed to metal and rock a lot, I actually got into BTS and k-pop in general in early 2023 because my extroverted friend nagged me for six months and the rabbit hole just opened up one day. Other than BTS my favorite group is Stray Kids.

I’m pretty independent as a person, often come off as closed off or straight up bitchy, but I’ve been told that once people get to know me better it’s like I’m fluffy on the inside. My best friend would probably tell you that I’m like a tunnel: once we’re friends and you betray my trust, the tunnel collapses and there’s no going back. My other friend claims that I have goth/witchy vibes and that I’m a grinch (which tracks, actually). It’s not easy for me to make friends but I found out in the past year or so that I have a lot more of them than I thought possible.

Other than that, I love dark humor and dark comedy. I rarely make jokes, mainly because I don’t think I’m that funny, but I do enjoy banter. I find it really hard to let go and let loose (anxiety is a bitch and a half), but I try my best to be better at just being myself and vibing with other people.

I’ve been told I’m a decent cook and have some tattoos (and planning on getting more). And I think that’s about it really 🙈

I would love to see who you’d ship me with if you have the time! Thanks so much for all the hard work you put into your writing this past year, when I dove into the BTS content your blog was like a headcanon central for me 😹

Lol, I know you joked about it, but I do genuinely ship you with Namjoon, as well as Yoongi!

You have a lot similar interests and traits as both of them that I think would make it easy for you to connect, and although Joon is an extrovert, he really respectful his and other people's boundaries and space, so I think he'd be good at helping you open up a bit more without being draining or exhausting for you.(Also lowkey think they'd both really be into your style)

Yoongi's also has that 'tough outside, soft inside' vibe, and also isn't afraid to discuss darker topics or the different aspects of the human experience, and I think he'd appreciate someone he can talk with easily about those types of things.(He also has/had a slightly dark sense of humor, so I think you'd be able to bounce off each other well)

Hope this was okay!💜

[greybackpack]

trying to write accurately with a goldfish's memory is like taking a stab at something with full visibility but missing completely anyways

By this I mean I've replayed the Battle of the Alight final quest like five times trying to figure out where everything is. I've noticed a lot of cool things but mostly I am thankful in being vague in describing Meridian because HOOOO BOY I DID NOT REMEMBER IT CORRECTLY AT ALL. And I'm just saying that the shells shot from Hades' horde got to the middle of the city and went through a bunch of apartments until it got to where Lis was sleeping (upstairs) even though it probably didn't.

Things I've noticed, running around Meridian that has blown my mind:

those cool spinning lanterns/lights things that reflect the light source. I want to know if Meridian has running electricity or if those little capsule things are switched out every so often.

There's like... wells? Everywhere. How deep are those???

Also, plants, everywhere, which is nice.

The details on the walls are so intricate!!! Gorgeous.

The metal roofs are so pretty, no wonder they're called the city of the sun... but like, can you cook on those>

The gates are so pretty... but what are they made of?

Pressing questions I need an official answer for:

DO THEY HAVE INDOOR PLUMBING

How do they insulate the buildings? How do they deal with the metal roofs?

WHERE DOES THE WATER FROM THE WATERFALLS COME FROM

Where does the king sleep???

DID GAIA MANAGE TO BRING BACK CATS AND DOGS BEFORE SHE WENT BOOM???

I want to know what Aloy would think if she saw a moose.

[lucky-clover-gazette]

Top 5 novels(or series)? 👀

i miss being a bookseller and talking about books irl so this ask makes me super happy! also this is going to be long and i apologize in advance

beauty queens by libba bray

my favorite book of all time. i read it WAY too young, like in 2011 at age 12, and it massively influenced my awareness of the world, personal philosophy, sense of humor, and creative identity. beauty queens is an ahead-of-its-time ya satire novel about teenage girls getting stuck on a deserted island and going feral (positive connotation).

it features a well-balanced main cast of about a dozen diverse young women, including the first trans character i ever encountered (because i read the book pretty young, it's actually how i found people can be trans at all). while this character's execution does include a few now-questionable tropes, she's written in incredibly good faith and i am so grateful for her being in this book. beauty queens also introduced me to perspectives from women of color, disabled women, and women from religious communities that i hadn't really gotten the chance to encounter in my bubble of a hometown. while the author is admittedly a cis white straight woman, she pours so much empathy and love and nuance into each individual beauty queen, and especially for 2011 i think she did a really good job.

in addition to All That Deep Meaningful Stuff, the book is like a james bond parody with a villain clearly meant to be sarah palin set in a hyper-capitalist satirization of america, characterized by super weird and out-of-the-box "commercial breaks." i describe it in my review as "weird, campy, tropey, and over-the-top," and warn that, "if you take everything very seriously, you will have trouble with this book."

my general creative philosophy is that art is at its best and most meaningful when you have no doubt anyone else could have made it. libba bray knows exactly what she wants to write, and she fucking does that, even if some people won't understand or enjoy it. the world is a better place because this book exists, which is true of everything on this list--but this deeply weird novel, seemingly lost to time, is my all-time favorite for a reason.

sharp objects by gillian flynn

gillian flynn is my favorite AUTHOR of all time. she wrote gone girl, sharp objects, and another lesser-known novel called dark places. sharp objects is a hard one to gush about without spoilers and/or triggers, but oh my god it is a masterpiece. its final line is my favorite final line in any media, ever. i am a huge lover of the domestic thriller genre, and while gone girl is more domestic thriller than sharp objects, i think this one is the better BOOK. huge trigger warning for self-harm if the title and cover aren't enough of a hint, but hoooo boy this book is the best kind of brutal

the illuminae files trilogy by jay kristoff & amie kaufman

these sci-fi ya thrillers are told entirely through transcripts, message logs, and other "found evidence" in a dossier meant to expose an evil corporation. the characters are clever and interesting, the conflict is layered, and there's some awesome space-horror a la alien movie. there's a love story and philosophical musings and wise-cracking idiot teenagers who i adore. there's a deranged ai and beautiful page layouts and the quote, "you have me. until the last star in the galaxy dies, you have me." these are great books for people who can't stand large chunks of prose, appreciators of comics and mixed-media storytelling, and the AUDIOBOOKS are like full-on radioplays with voice actors and sfx. all three novel hold their own while still feeling cohesive when read sequentially. so unique and so freaking cool

no exit by taylor adams

idiot college art student gets snowed in at a rest stop, realizes that someone is in the middle of trafficking a child and has to a) figure out who it is and b) stop them. this thriller is gory and fast-paced and darkly comedic and does the whole cat-and-mouse hero and villain thing that always lives in my head rent-free. it's gleefully violent and reminds me of films like kill bill and american psycho. i can't and won't spoil more but this book is so fun to read, especially if you enjoy media that doesn't take itself too seriously. the movie adaptation sucks and i'll be mad about it forever, especially because taylor adams comes from a screenwriting background and i doubt they let him touch the script. there's a thematically-relevant garfield clock and nail gun used several times as a murder weapon. in my storygraph review of this book, i summed up my love for it pretty well: "Sometimes a book just speaks to you. Probably not great that this one does it for me, but at least I had so much fun."

the stepford wives by ira levin

people discuss the stepford wives as a Cultural Concept, but i wish more people actually read the novella. it's really freaking good as a work of horror and satire. it's short, too. i've been dreaming up a stage adaptation for years.

other honorable mentions: the hunger games trilogy you know who wrote it, solutions and other problems by allie brosh, anya's ghost by vera brosgol, all of mary oliver's poetry, never saw me coming by vera kurian, in a dark dark wood by ruth ware, dead to her by sarah pinborough, annie on my mind by nancy garden

[leojurand]

silly lymond ranking after the reread 🫶

6. queens' play:

this was my least favourite book in the series when i read it the first time, and unfortunately revisiting it didn't change that... it reinforced it. on reread i realized part of it is that i don't think this book is very exciting? there are some amazing, fun sequences (roof chase ofc), but overall i would say it lacks spark, if that makes sense. i think it's inevitable for me to not be head over heels in love with this novel because, especially compared to book 1, i don't think these new characters are that compelling. i don't really care about phelim; my favourite thing about oonagh is the way she's described (and man, do i not care about the fling she has with lymond...); and even though i think the robin stewart subplot is the best part of QP, i also don't have a lot of feelings about that guy specifically? great storyline, wonderful homoeroticism... still zero attachment to robin stewart.

the first time i read it i also thought there was way too much thady b stuff. i wanted francis crawford! but the second time around i appreciate it more, and i noticed that we actually get a fair amount of rare lymond pov in this book, which is very interesting.

so, this is either my least or second to last favourite dunnett novel. still really, really good!

5. the ringed castle

dorothy. i'm sure you did so much research about russia and russian ambassadors and the english court with mary and elizabeth but. did we have to read so much about all of that? i think dunnett is usually very good at showing the historical events and historical figures in an interesting way, but man. she failed here. especially with the english court and the russian ambassador, i could Not care less!! and another thing about this book that really misses the mark for me is philippa's characterization. i don't understand why she abandons kuzúm so suddenly and without a second thought. i dislike how she's so incredibly gorgeous and smart every man around her falls for her. i really don't like that she starts quoting literature in other languages so we see how very perfect she and lymond are for each other. it doesn't work for me at all.

i'm making it sound as if i hate this book lmao but that's not true!! i actually find lymond's character very compelling here. i'm not bothered by his cold behaviour towards everyone because i get it. i love the st mary's men in RC too. danny is perfect, and adam and alec are incredible here. the diccon chancellor storyline is heartbreaking and as horrible as it is i love its conclusion. and the crawford family drama... it hurts me in the best way possible.

so this novel has some things i very much appreciate, but some parts i'd want to skip in the future (spoiler alert: these mixed feelings will continue with the next entry)

4. checkmate

hoooo boy. okay so. this is (probably, maybe) the most popular book in the series. i know many would consider it dunnett's magnum opus. and i unfortunately disagree completely. not because i think this book is bad. i think in many ways it is exceptionally good. the prose here is unparalleled. in the first 70% of CM the drama is very engaging and keeps you reading and picking up the book again and again... even if, like me, you don't really care for this drama specifically. it's that well-written!! i fucking love all the francis/sybilla drama, as unnecessary as it may seem. i fucking love marthe and jerott's fucked up lavender marriage and their very different but equally complicated feelings for lymond. AND THE WRITING IS SO GOOD i have to say it again.

but this romance? not for me. i really tried on reread, but still couldn't get into it, sadly. i hate the misunderstandings... philippa thinking lymond was in love with güzel, and then with kate, and then that his feelings for her were only sexual. for someone so smart she wasn't thinking clearly at all.

i could forgive that easily, though. i can't forgive what happens to philippa at the end of part 4. just awful plot-point. even i, not a fan of philippa, think that was character assassination. i don't know why dunnett did it... i guess it was a popular thing to do in histfic, or in super dramatic stories in general. but i hate it. i don't like the part at sevigny, either. maybe most of all, i hate the ending, how rushed it was, philippa healing magically, lymond brushing off marthe's death and completely ignoring jerott because he's too busy having sex. wtf

and i would still give this book like, a 4.5/5. this is dunnett magic do not ask me about it i'm not a rational being!!!

okay, those three are the books in the series labeled with "complicated". these next three have all my love (or most of my love (looking at you TDK))

3. the game of kings

this book. THIS BOOK. you know those edits of cats crying surrounded by heart emojis. that's my every time i think or talk about GoK. i love it so, so much. it's not perfect but it's beautiful in all its flawed glory. on reread it was more noticeable that this was dunnett's first novel, simply because she gets so much better. but wow, what a debut novel! it's a little convoluted and heavy-handed, but it has so much charm and heart. at one point, more or less halfway through, it's almost impossible to put down. and, love him or hate him, francis crawford of lymond has has an insane gravitational pull. it's impossible not to want to know what's behind the mask.

in conclusion: game of kings my beloved

2. the disorderly knights

now this book. it's kind of crazy? definitely because this is the start of the gabriel duology, which is undoubtedly my favourite part in this series. TDK feels like a soap opera to me, maybe because of the insane levels of drama, maybe because the characters that get introduced in this book (jerott, gabriel, joleta) are so incredibly beautiful they almost make lymond seen like a normal guy.

and i eat it up! i love the insanity and drama! i think it's all so, so compelling. gabriel is scary in a way that very few villains i've read about are. he really feels almost invincible, despite being an ordinary human being. i love the moments where lymond loses his cool because gabriel is such a relentless antagonist. very painful, very fascinating.

most importantly, JEROTT. jerott blyth is my favourite character in this series and he's so. perfect in this book. like, he's terribly flawed (jerott don't throw that rock. jerott), but god, what a character. by far my favourite pov in the series and no one else comes close.

i have so much praise for this book i could talk about it endlessly but there's one caveat: joleta. dorothy why would you do that. why???? joleta's storyline is so uncomfortable to read. her character is so tragic, but it seems like we're supposed to hate her, and we're supposed to side with lymond when it's revealed that she... was abused by other adult men... ??? i'm so glad adam, alec, and i think jerott? do see her as a victim, and lymond as the one with all the power, but everyone else? idk. just very bad, and one of the moments where the series really feels like it was written in the 60s

but other than that. this book fucking rules

1. pawn in frankincense

i've talked about PiF so much i feel like i don't have any words left to describe it, but even if i hadn't talked about it at all i would still feel like no words can describe how much of a masterpiece this book is to me.

i've mentioned before that jerott is my favourite LC character, and he's arguably the main character in this book. he even mentions the title when talking about himself!! i'm both very surprised and not surprised at all about how unpopular jerott is among the veteran fans of the series. sure, he's very flawed and somewhat unlikable, but he is so compelling, so complex, so well-written, he's become one of my all-time favourite characters.

not only that, there are two other main/major characters in this book that also became all-time favourites: lymond and marthe. the lymond/jerott/marthe is one of the best this i've ever read and this is where it starts. literally dorothy was insane for that one.

from the very first chapter until the last one, PiF doesn't give you time to stop and breath and calm down. maybe my favourite beginning in any dunnett novel. and the fact that pawn's move isn't widely considered one of the best chapters in literary history? unbelievable

is this book perfect? no. is it still the best thing that has been written and will ever be written by a human being? yea :)