#hook loves her a lot and that makes it sadder

[glittter-skeleton]

Hello OUAT fandom, I bring you Emma’s emotional cheating in s4

[mattsturnioloz]

I found you again.

(���Then I lost you’) Part 2.

Summary: Sequel of ‘Then I lost you’, A year after a devastating break up, Y/n finds herself reuniting with the love of her life, Matt Sturniolo, at a mutual friends birthday party. Will they rekindle their love?

Warnings: I don’t think there is any??

Pairings: Y/n x Matt sturniolo

A/N: (i’m so sorry this took so long but i love you all thank you for being patient, this is so rushed not my best work)

I wake up to birthday wishes from some family and friends. They’re telling me to go live up my 21st birthday and to go out and get drunk but I know damn well i’m gonna be soaking up my misery. My first birthday alone. I always spent my birthdays with the triplets because they were also my family and it’s been almost a year since Matt and I broke up. I still hang out with Nick and Chris but it’s not the same.

I get out of bed like usual, it’s just a normal day. But somehow it feels sadder, lonelier. I change into some black sports shorts and a black t shirt for the gym. I put on some sneakers and I put up my hair before grabbing my purse and keys along with my headphones, hooking them around my neck.

I go to my car, putting music on and decide to stop by a coffee shop to get myself a drink. I head to the gym and I work out for about an hour and a half before walking out to the parking lot and getting back in my car heading home.

When I arrive, I walk to the bathroom and I take a shower, taking at least an hour just staring at the white tiled walls, taking in the warm feeling of the water roaming down my body. I finally get out and decide to do my makeup just to stay home.

When I finish, I make myself breakfast and I watch tv, occasionally checking my phone, which is getting 10 new messages every minute. All these people yet.. I’m still sitting here.. alone.

I turn down the volume on the tv, and I feel myself already starting to doze off. The sound of my washer and dryer running, the sound of the whispers coming from the tv, the sound of my ac roaring through my small house. All this sound but it’s still so silent.

I fall asleep and jump awake when I hear knocking at my door. I slowly get up, opening the door.

“SURPRISE!!!” Says Nick and Chris with a huge smile on their faces, Nick holding a cake and Chris with a party hat on, a kazoo in his hand.

“Oh my goodness you guys!!” I say with a huge smile on my face. “Happy Birthday!” Chris says tackling me in a hug. “Thank you..” I feel like crying, but I don’t and Nick joins the hug.

“I know you don’t like the attention on you, so we’re gonna go to tara’s party, you know since the attention will be on her but we can still celebrate your birthday.” Nick says with a smile on his face.

“I don’t know guys.. I’m not really feeling it this year..” I say sounding like a lazy slub. “If you’re worried about Matt, he’s not going.” Chris says, Nick smacking his shoulder.

“Oh..” I whisper, messing with my chain. “Come on, go get ready, we’ll be back to pick you up.” Nick hugs me. “Ughhh finee..” I groan, making my way to the room as they set my cake on the table and chuckle as they head out.

I go to my room and change since my makeup was already done. I change into a silk simple white dress and I crimp my now, short hair. Honestly I don’t know why I cut it. Maybe I do.. They say hair holds memories and after Matt and I broke up, it seemed right.

I put some white red bottom stilettos on to match the dress before putting on jewelry and perfume. I finish up and text Nick that i’m ready and he says that they’re on the way. Who the hell is driving? Nick and Chris can’t drive for shit.

I leave my house when I hear them pull up, locking the door behind me. I get in the backseat where nick and chris are. “This is an uber?” I ask them a little confused. “yea we figured it’d be weird if Matt drove” Chris says awkwardly.

Right. But why was I hoping to see Matt? I decide not to ponder on it TOO much. “How is he?” I ask almost regretting asking. They exchange awkward glances. “He’s good actually.. Uh well-“ Nick says immediately stuttering looking at Chris for help.

I raise my eyebrows waiting for him to tell me. “Well??” I ask, my heart beating faster, the anxiety rushing through my veins and I get chills, a pit in my stomach from the build up. “Matt actually.. he’s in a new relationship.” Chris says avoiding eye contact and my hearts sinks. “He has a girlfriend.”He adds on, twiddling his thumbs.

I nod and smile putting on a front and my chest has an empty feeling. “That’s great, I’m happy for him..” I smile and they both nod but they know that I wasn’t really happy about it. I look out the window with the feeling simmering through my body. i’ll never have a chance again.

839 words.

A/N: (I hate this so much omg but I couldn’t delay any longer, i’ve been busy and going through a lot but thank you for being patient, I know it’s short but let me know what you guys think so farrr)

Taglist: @watercolorskyy @chrissfleshlight @realuvrrr @stonermattsgf @pvssychicken @venusbabysblog @kayla-hearts4sturniolo @endereies @imwetforyourmom @starzinasblog @urfavstromboli @sturniqloo @star-yawnznn @h3arts4harry @asherrisrandom @tsturniolo4 @urmom69lol @luzsturniolo @victoriasturniolo @ncm9696 @valkatriee @sturnslut1 @annielolz @sturnlover4eva @slxtarchive @luzsturniolo

[vivianbernadetteaurora]

Mars in Capricorn🧨

I feel like this placement is such a flex and I’m really really jealous of it. These women literally get men who can provide for them and a lot of the time older men that is due to Capricorn being the father the older man figure in a life and the attraction to older men and probably a lot of the time having issues., all these women at one born in their life of being with an older man, and is the man you’re attracted to, I mean let’s go to Anna Nicole Smith, Howard James Marshall, who is literally a billionaire, met her at the strip club, not saying all these women are gold diggers, but they like to have a bag and they can get back, and they get provided for, and I feel like every woman has that right to be provided for man. I generally do maybe it’s because I’m an earth and I have in the 10th., I’m honestly like go go get what you want, I mean Anna and her husband had an arrangement arrangement together, imagine them he’s leaving together he probably would’ve had a heart attack, they had an arrangement and his son didn’t like it, but this man was a billionaire and he wanted a sexy woman on his own and he better than Nicole Smith one of the most beautiful women in the world if not th beautiful.

Then we come to Amber Hood who wanted to make us start in Hollywood for a long time and I believe you went for party party to try and find that way they either are both of these things or one or the other they can fuck their way to the top, now I look at Madison a bit of a side but I still love her, taste older and old before that time, this is why they are attracted to this kind of man. They have serious issues which we found out with Austin the case I don’t know her dad was very close with Johnny, but we don’t know the relationship completely with the dad and her., but she got something with Elon Musk go ahead like men before too long and it’s not Elon Musk Twitter Elon Musk people in the blind item ,world will agree that, Elon and Amber were each other soulmates. Don’t worry Elon features twice in this post. because look at him and Grimes anyway going back to Amber and her child a lot of people agree that Amber‘s child is with Elon because she had her ex frozen when they were together supposedly allegedly. but Grimes of had a long relationship with Elon also and a lot of Elon‘s girls start with Bruno and then go blood but I think Elon likes a crazy man man pixie girl, the edge of them and that they could ruin them any time.

On the list is a very sad one Aaliyah and her relationship with R. Kelly and name – who are both a lot older than her but Dame was a lot closer in age or Kelly obviously did some very inappropriate stuff really and the creep met her when she was 12 through her uncle which makes it even sadder Barry Hanson, a Aaliyah was a Capricorn sun as well and very, she had that hook up with dad as she’s on but I’m jealous of the situation with the money and being built up by a man and having a man that looks after you let’s be honest don’t we all want?, we don’t come on. How nice would it be for a?, And look after you and you didn’t have to worry about a thing., obviously this placement shows up different ways, like I said with Aaliyah she was vulnerable and it naturally came into her life, I with Amber feel it was more sort out the same with Anna.

Lindsay Lohan, who moved to Dubai and has had the most, who dated her maybe apart from Leonardo DiCaprio and Warren?beatty , the oldest profession goes on in the world. She said she moved out there because of the paparazzi hounding her, but I think it was more, away from that too, but also to get towards men with money, Lindsey allegedly has attend to like stealing as well, even though she’s rich, shoplifting or lifting is a rush, another addiction?

I can’t think of the exceptionally massive age group she said, but I’m sure she has some we don’t know of. Samantha Ronson, who I feel is at least 10 years older than her,.

Holly Madison, holy Madison had a relationship with you having, she was in the Playboy mansion and she became the number one girlfriend, do you see what I mean and the Playboy secrets?, Many of Hughes friends have said that she loved it at the time and then she became the opposite, and now she does a podcast talking about Playboy she hasn’t stepped away from it so she still making money from it from some degree if you Hefner, I’m saying that that’s bad. I’m just saying the obvious..

Traumatised for many years, I’ve noticed with these people we don’t see dad at all in their lives actually if I think of all these people, maybe Michael Lohan and of course Lindsey is going to have daddy issues with a man like that.

Drew Barrymore, Barrymore may not, have been with older people, but she went out with Eric out of hole , and hung around with Courtney Love when she was literally literally just, she was also partying in studio 54 when she was very very young, hanging around with people much older than her, and doing drugs and very young age. Around these people had died she had a very trauma, he was a drug addict and an alcoholic, was famous and become lineage of famous people in Hollywood.

We have the Olsen, and talk about Mary Kate Olsen, with Oliviar, They had a huge age gap. She even looked like one of his children she was even shorter than one of his children. I, it looked really creepy another person who’s not in the college here is Amanda Bynes and we know what happened there., know quiet on set .

And then, obviously you have Catherine Jones he’s been with Michael Douglas like forever , obviously many decades older than her. I just think it’s a placement I’d like to brag about it obviously has its , have my mars in the 10th house , and let’s talk about men with this placement Brad Pitt , Shia LaBeouf , and how they all a bit dodgy , and I’ve been all over the place with women

. Who allegedly did stuff with Michael Bay who is very abusive?, To her and they fell out., very casting couch,

[howlingday]

What if Nora got really mad at Ozpin for ruining her ships? Like his actions got Pyrrha involved and got her killed.(I know this subjective but I feel like he filled her with ideas only she could be hero which made her want to fight Cinder which she lost because obviously she was outclassed and died) Blake got dragged into this from white famg ruining black sun, Rosegarden can't work because Ozpin is in Oscar's head etc. Sidenotes wow i made seem a lot sadder than i wanted it to be.

Such is the fate of all shippers who face canon, I'm afraid.

-----------------------------------

Nora: FIRST, you got my best friend after Ren killed because you wanted her to be your Maiden, and that's gross even WITH the context!

Nora: For that, I'm breaking your legs.

Nora: NEXT, you tricked Blake into leaving Sun behind and now she's making goo-goo eyes at Yang! She and Sun were getting along so well!

Nora: For that, I'm breaking your arms!

Nora: LAST, and this is the worst part, you took over this cute boy's brain and now he's going to die soon because you had to drag more people into your ex's drama! Even worse, he can't hook up with Ruby, who needs more loving than all of us because YOU had to drag HER into this bullshit! BECAUSE OF HER SILVER EYES!

Nora: I SHOULD SMASH YOUR HEAD FOR JUST THAT!

Nora: (Sighs) But I can't, because I'd be hurting Oscar. Do you have anything to say for yourself?

Ozpin: ...Did it not occur to you that these fantasies you create in your mind are distracting your from the reality that these are all people, their own people with their own lives and identities to live and their own decisions to make without you interfering with their love lives.

Ozpin: After all, you can't just shove two people into a room and expect them to suddenly fall in love, can you? Some relationships aren't meant to last forever. In fact, one argument stands that no relationship lasts forever.

Nora: No? Yours did. And we're still dealing with it because of you.

[dirtyoldmanhole]

this man continues to have my two brain cells in a vice, so making a mini to do list of prompts/ideas/related shenanigans on the checklist, roughly in order of how fleshed out they are:

finish conquest already omg (finished three chapters last night and i'm 90% sure i'll get thru the last two in the next few work nights since i need something sfw to work on while company's over UNLIKE THE REST OF THIS LIST lol)

this spanking fic, (i'm like, 90% sure i want it to be a fic but art will probably happen too) but it's a pretty short and filthy drabble, and i'm hoping a good proving ground for getting gunter's voice right especially in "early life disciplinarian mode"

short erotic whipping strip when she's older (NOT TEN PANELS long) because i want that to lead into this bootlicking doodle......... i already.... have.... >_>

'niles gives them the idea that fates!viagra exists, the weirdly sweet erectile dysfunction fic' (i do truly want to start including other characters! and i feel like he'd be a great one to get their off-kilter dynamic.)

literally the only platonic fic idea on this list: gunter talks to azura in valla when she saves his life - both physically, and also, a growing headcanon that talking to her and her song lowkey heals some of his old, old emotional wounds as well.

hot springs doodles, might be a setting for a fic somewhere or just shameless fanservice/smut

fuzzy ideas for 'corrin breaks the news she's pregnant to gunter with kana and he kinda has a BSOD' it's a little sad! plotting that out is weirdly shaking out a lot of lines since it's making his insecurity of corrupting her really apparent since they can't just ... stealth mode that. also the nohr sibs each have their reaction.

(edit: oh my god backstory implications makes this A THOUSAND TIMES SADDER FUCK ........ okay this one's going to be an emotional wreck)

(THAT SAID there is a genuinely hilarious line in there re: gunter asking corrin how she wants to handle garon finding that out and she's all, paraphrased, 'i don't give a damn what he thinks, if i wanted a father figure's blessing, i have yours and you've already made your thoughts known :3") (pfttttt-)

i am also kind of debating on 'each nohr sib finds out about them hooking up and it's a fic written from their POV' as another character-voice finidng exercise.

them just sleeping in the nude together because it's just weirdly tender sweet god dammit lmao. (i love how these swing from WILDLY kinky to the most basic vanilla romantic shit possible)

'corrin and gunter use valla as a sexcapade adventure with convienient time hole properties so she milks him for every year she has him (and it's slightly depressing despite being pure smut)'

start revelations

so much possession dub + noncon drawings >:) (i have a feeling bootlicking's going to come up a lot in these doodles.)

(also: really sad revelations hurt/comfort endgame spoilers)

(help)

[septembersghost]

I was thinking about WDBHG in regards to haylor and i was shocked how perfectly it explains their dynamic in early 2014. While Taylor was trying to hide her heartbreak in 1989 by promoting it as a single girl who is no longer sad album because of media, he acknowledges the hurt she went through and how he caused some of it. "All the rest of my CRIMES don't come close to look on your face when I let you go" beautifully sums up how much it hurt her and how much he regretted it. "And I wrote you a song with the words you spoke" THAT I LOVE YOU REFERENCE. "Shadows come with the pain that you're running from LOVE WAS SOMETHING YOU NEVER HEARD ENOUGH" hits harder after "you never called it what it was". This makes me wonder about the convos they probably had about JG. And considering that h never expressed any jealousy regarding JG or questioned whether she loved him I feel it's safe to say that he was more to her than 'jake lite' or casual hookup. The "Anyone Between Is The Enemy" lyric is so looked over but it captures how he felt regarding the media pressure(another lyric that conveyed the same meaning was "I don't care what people say when we're together"). And that paranoia about her hooking up with someone else makes woman 100× sadder. "Tell me where you're going when you feel afraid" makes me wonder how vulnerable she was with him considering she tried to appear 'fearless' in front of media. The song's implication that he did indeed fixed the heart he let down is so😭😭. There is an intimacy and comfort and bit of an understanding of them as a couple and their dynamic in that relationship in WDBHG which I feel tay didn't want to explore more since she wasn't ready to be that vulnerable yet.

this is so silly but i have to confess that wdbhg has a big misheard lyric for me, which is, "anyone in between is the end of me," it took me way too long to realize it's, "anyone in between is the enemy," which gave me this interpretation of him being scared there was someone else and that made him want to die. once i read it's "enemy" i was like....ohhhh. help. meanwhile, you're totally right, it's saying anyone between us, all these obstacles, the press, (toxic fans...), is the enemy because it's destroying this love i know we could have. equating it to a crime because he's cognizant of how much it hurt her and also carries an immense guilt for that himself.

"Shadows come with the pain that you're running from LOVE WAS SOMETHING YOU NEVER HEARD ENOUGH" hits harder after "you never called it what it was". i need 5-7 business days to process this.

making him jg lite or that but fun is really missing the nuance in what was happening there, i think. they were both growing and processing a lot, and because they had a unique understanding of each other's fame and positions, it's not hard to infer the kinship there. obviously we can't know or speculate specifically what was shared, but i think there was a level of understanding that made their inability to work it out timing-wise or emotionally land on the same page even more painful. there were things they could mend together and then other things that got more broken due to varying factors. but you can't listen to wdbhg and not hear the care and longing in it, and the willingness to be vulnerable even if that could only be sent out into the universe to be heard in the music.

[teenageread]

Review: Icebreaker

Synopsis:

Anastasia Allen has worked her entire life for a shot at Team USA.

A competitive figure skater since she was five years old, a full college scholarship thanks to her place on the Maple Hills skating team, and a schedule that would make even the most driven person weep, Stassie comes to win.

No exceptions.

Nathan Hawkins has never had a problem he couldn’t solve. As captain of the Maple Hills Titans, he knows the responsibility of keeping the hockey team on the ice rests on his shoulders.

When a misunderstanding results in the two teams sharing a rink, and Anastasia’s partner gets hurt in the aftermath, Nate finds himself swapping his stick for tights, and one scary coach for an even scarier one.

The pair find themselves stuck together in more ways than one, but it’s fine, because Anastasia doesn’t even like hockey players…right?

Plot:

Stassie was going to be the best. With dreams of the Olympics, this pair-figure skater already put her goals on the line once when her high school boyfriend and partner were not dreaming as big as her. Now at Maple Hill, Stassie and her new partner and roommate Aaron, had big dreams, as long as Stassie did not eat too much. With her life planned out with her planner, Stassie eats, sleeps, and dreams of figure skating, all while keeping up with her coursework, going to therapy to manage her anxiety, and occasionally hooking up with her basketball player bestie, who while the sex is good, she will never date. Her sophomore year was going perfectly until the hockey team messed it up. With their rink destroyed, the two ice sports were forced to share the same arena, which means dividing ice time so that both teams can practice. That is where Stassie had the unfortunate pleasure to meet Nate Hawkins, captain of the hockey team. Taken with Stassie immediately, Nate tries his best to get this figure skater in his corner, or what he really wanted, in his bedroom. Where Stassie reminds aloof, she was quickly taken by Nate with his good looks, charm, and his dedication to his friends and team. Where Nate spent his senior year covering the tracks of young rookies who messed up, he also finds himself losing his heart for the first time, to a blonde figure skater with a big mouth and an even bigger heart. As our two ice athletes try to figure out their love, along with managing their sports, friendships, family, and their own expectations, they realize how much they need each other, and learn to balance love, and ice skating, together.  

Thoughts: 

Hannah Grace writes this smutty romance novel, featuring two university athletes, one rink, and a whole lot of heart. Taken from the first-person perspective of both Nate and Stassie, we got to switch between points of view with each chapter, allowing the plot to move quickly, and for us to understand both sides of our characters' stories. Stassie is an amazing character, her fun and flirty attitude towards Nate and the other hockey boys, with quick comebacks and always getting into some sort of comedic trouble, made her a great character to love. Grace also gave Stassie some depth with her struggling to live up to her adoptive parent's expectations, being bullied by Aaron, and her own doubts about her self-worth. I truly appreciate Grace for giving us the sadder side to Stassie, as Grace shows her going to therapy, and shows her working through her self doubts. On the side of narration, we got Nate, who like Stassie, is fun and flirty, but has his own serious family issues. With a dead mom and a father who does not care about his hockey career, Nate is constantly putting others before himself and struggles with his internal emotions of not acting like his father. Together they were dynamite, with chemistry off the wall, the best banter, and some great sex scenes. Yes, Grace makes this novel a smut novel, with some heavily detailed scenes throughout the novel, that upped the age range of the novel. Did it have the most complicated plot? No. Did the sex and romance overshadow the deeper meaning Grace was trying to write about? Yeah, it kind of did. But it was cute, a fun flirty novel that is drowning in romance, making you wish to find your own Nate and Stassie, and with an epilogue that sends you over the end. Where the plot had some twist, it was not very deep, and I am so thankful that Grace did not make the big event a miscommunication, because, unlike the majority of book couples, Stassie and Nate had great communication throughout the entire novel, which was amazing to finally see in print. Overall, Grace writes a cute novel, with fun characters, great side characters (the entire hockey team was fantastic), and some melodrama, but all in all this was a novel about love, and one definitely worth reading.

Read more reviews: Goodreads

Buy the book: Amazon

[whateverthedragonswant]

Just finished reading your latest Big Sky posts, and I agree with everything you said. Season 3 is such a far departure from what this show was when it first started, and I hate how they’ve sidelined Cassie this season. I thought it would’ve gotten better when the focus shifted toward the campsite, yet the focus is still on Beau and Jenny. I’ve also noticed how Kylie’s barely featured in Big Sky’s social media posts to the point that you wouldn’t even know that she’s the main protagonist of this show! I know you’ve touched on this before, but I would love to hear your thoughts on how Cassie’s been treated this season. And I’d like to know whether you’re going to watch the final 3 episodes of the season (especially after reading what Elwood shared in his latest interview)

Hey, Anon! My first Big Sky ask, thank you! =D Thank you so much for checking out my posts! I apologize for the delay in my response. I will admit, I was frustrated with this show, Elwood, and the writers after watching 3x10 and reading the interview you mentioned (thank you for letting me know about it!), so I wanted to wait to let that pass before replying. So this way my answer to you could be as objective as possible while giving my opinion but not containing any of that frustration (aka basically me going WTF the whole time lol) if that makes sense.

Let me start out by saying that I 100% agree with everything you said here. Full transparency, I still haven't seen season 2 (only 2x01 and 2x18 at this point) but I know the highlights, and compared to season 1, the writing for season 3 definitely feels like a departure from the story that the show set up from the very beginning like you said. I know they were attempting a new format this season but Elwood/the writers have consistently demonstrated that they really cannot handle the weekly stories alongside the big one of the season as well as an ensemble cast that rotates weekly guest stars. They're struggling to juggle too many stories, from big to small, and it shows. It was the wrong direction for them to go in though I give them points for at least attempting it.

Like you, I also hoped that once Cassie's and Beau & Jenny's stories started to intertwine that things would indeed get better. Instead, it only got worse. To the point where I as a viewer didn't even care that we got a little Beau and Cassie time in 3x10 (and I love the dynamic between those two). They were purposely throwing Beau and Cassie together into a few scenes and intentionally giving her a little more time this episode to hook more viewers for their return next year. Not even to set the story up and what's coming for 3B but as a hook. That's all it was. And what's even sadder about this is that while it's been made obvious what they're doing to the point where it's showing through the story itself, Elwood and the writers aka the creatives don't really seem to care. They're moving full steam ahead and that's that. Okay, yes, we all know how executives work in this industry, but for a supposed creative like Elwood, that's really concerning and almost kind of heartbreaking.

I'm going to get into how I feel Cassie has been treated this season in a moment but I do want to talk about the Beau/Jenny thing first because I feel it's a very big contributing factor as to what happened to her. Probably a lot more than some people realize.

Beau/Jenny has become Big Sky's meal ticket so to speak. It's not what every single fan of the show wants, but it's what the loudest and most engaging section of the viewers want aka #AcklesNation. This particular section not only engages with the cast (when they're with Jensen or they post about Jensen) but also regularly engages with the Big Sky social media accounts, they make content on here and other platforms, and they are guaranteed to tune into each episode as long as Jensen is on the show. They've become invested in not only Beau and his story line, but also into the "romance" of Beau/Jenny. The media picked up on it due to this overwhelming interest from this section (as they have with other things Jensen has said in public, i.e. Deadpool in the last month for example) and now they bring it up in each interview with either Elwood or the cast. (not to mention these questions are approved/guided by the show's PR team when submitted for approval so if they didn't want Elwood or the cast talking about Beau/Jenny for example, the question wouldn't be able to be asked) Why is this important? Simple, because it relates to my point below:

You brought up the social media (and lack of Cassie/Kylie in it), Anon, and you hit the nail on the head. Because it all relates. When you look at their twitter page for example, it is literally the Jensen Ackles, Beau, and Beau/Jenny show. And that's not a dig at Jensen or either character; it's just stating facts. We only get Dedee when she's with Jensen, we barely get any Poppernak. And even then we get more of them than we do Cassie (the main protagonist like you pointed out) or Kylie like you said. Not to mention, whoever is running that account is repeatedly engaging #AcklesNation, posted a tweet in the beginning of the season of how they were going to suck up to #AcklesNation by using Poppernak's and Beau's interaction from 2x18 as a segue to make this point, and they consistently interact with The Boys Twitter account (which I suspect is run by possibly Kripke himself, not sure though) over Jensen. While whoever is doing this job is doing it well as far as that's concerned, it literally has become the Jensen Ackles show (and for all you Jensen Ackles fans out there, I am not saying anything critical about Jensen nor am I blaming him - this is not his fault obviously and I'm just stating facts). So this is now a big factor in how the decisions were made for the story this season that Elwood has made obvious himself not only in interviews but also in the show itself.

Back in September, Elwood and the main cast did their usual round of interviews to promote the new season. We saw things like this:

While they obviously had to squeeze in for this shot, there is no reason Jensen should be in the back. They could have easily fit him into the shot. Or Reba should be sitting in Elwood's chair and vice versa. But they did this seating this way for two reasons: 1) "Beau" is in the middle between "Cassie" and "Jenny" while not stealing the spotlight from the two leads (from fans of the show before Jensen was cast) & 2) Reba is one of the big names being pushed/used.

And then we heard things like this:

(Elwood - TV Guide - that quote up above btw is hilarious because it has been shown that Jenny has been doing the modern version of swooning over Beau ever since 3x01 - this is why we can't trust anything this guy says, either he's very incompetent at his job and believes what he's selling or he doesn't care because he's only focused on getting the ratings up)

Elwood purposely said before the season premiered that he was playing it down the middle between Beau, Cassie, and Jenny. He said it was going to be a slow burn and he didn't want people to think of Beau and Cassie's relationship as "romantic" but he also kept talking about how Beau and Jenny were a "team" and "professional". Kylie herself made it pretty clear that she viewed Beau and Cassie as almost having a sibling type of banter (x). Anytime Katheryn was asked about Jensen's casting/Beau, she would mention how Jenny and Beau made a great team at solving crime who also had great banter but that was all she would say. When asked about the romanctic chemistry between Beau and Jenny, she would answer with a sort of non-answer (which turned out to be its own answer): “Well, they did cast Jensen. How can there not be when you, when you cast someone like that? If there’s something that maybe manifests or doesn’t manifest, you don’t really know. I don’t know yet.”

Jensen even jokes that he's the "potato" that adds to the "Cassie-and-Jenny" stew that Kylie refers to. And we know potatoes help to thicken stew.

So the show purposely sold it as a slow burn that would be a sort of 'who will Beau end up for falling for' type of vibe between the two leading ladies. So at this time, Kylie's/Cassie's involvement not only in the general story line but also Beau's was going to be neck and neck with Jenny's.

Then we also get:

The question wasn't about Jensen, Reba, or the cast. It wasn't even about the characters. It was about this new format he's introducing. Only after he talks Jensen up does he briefly mention Reba, then goes back into Beau/Jenny (sell, sell, sell!), and then talks about the new format and how challenging it was. And what does he end it with? "...and we've got some amazing guest cast coming in this year." He's made it very apparent what the focus of this season actually is: the big names they're pulling in. Jensen, Reba, Beau/Jenny (and Beau himself), and the other big names are the main draw to this little show and he knows it.

This also shows how the story is taking a backseat this season to the actual selling of the product. This is the season where they might possibly have their last hurrah, where they've pulled in all of these big names (aka stunt casting) so they can promote the hell out of them and the show, and they've changed up the format. It's like a sales team came in and changed up all of the advertising, the look of the product, and even changed the slogan, in order to repackage it and get it out to buyers as a last bid to try to turn a profit after the product initially failed to sell well. That is literally what's happening here. And when that happens, that means shortcuts are taken, corners are cut, and you're no longer getting top quality of that product.

In this answer, he is basically admitting that he/they came up with the weekly format not only to alter the pace of the narrative of the show, but it was also done so Beau and Jenny could go solve weekly crimes together, something he didn't do until Jensen was locked in for the season. While Beau is not supposed to be a lead character, from Elwood's answer here he is basically stating that Beau is now a lead which is why we get: "...and a guy who has done 15 or 16 seasons as a series lead, so he's a guy I've always wanted to work with." Translation: Beau is intended as a lead this season and they're already starting to push the Beau/Jenny factor.

And the breakdown of what we've gotten so far has been this:

3x01 - playing down the middle between Beau & Jenny/Cassie: Cassie and Beau have a friendship that developed over in between seasons & Beau/Jenny start solving crimes - ends with the movie night scene of the three of them

3x02 - playing down the middle again: Beau and Cassie go to talk to Sunny while Jenny has to go with Tonya - ends with ranch scene where Cassie is having a basic housewarming

3x03 - playing down the middle again but slightly less: Beau and Jenny solve crimes though Cassie is mentioned in convo by Jenny & we see a convo between Beau and Cassie in her office though it turns towards Jenny who is mentioned by Beau

3x04 - more Beau/Jenny - less Cassie - no more down the middle

3x05 - dun dun dun, big Beau/Jenny push - less Cassie

3x06 - Beau/Jenny push - less Cassie

3x07 - Beau/Jenny push - a little more Cassie

3x08 - Beau/Jenny push - same amount of Cassie

3x09 - Beau/Jenny push - a little more of Cassie

3x10 - big Beau/Jenny push - a little more of Cassie - we even get a few minutes of Beau and Cassie

That's literally how it plays out.

And now in December we have:

(Elwood - TV Insider)

The fact that the interviewer has to ask how Beau feels is a big indicator that the story is not being told well, especially given Elwood's answer here.

Then we get a whole big thing (aka sales pitch) on Beau and Jenny:

Cassie?:

Not so much expounding upon Cassie herself, barely a blip about the Cassie/Cormac romance itself, and a bit on the actual plot. A bit weird given that Cassie is the main protagonist of this show, right?

Because Cassie has been pushed aside in favor of pushing the Beau (Jensen) and Beau/Jenny narrative. They literally tossed her aside, sprinkle her into the narrative here and there to still be able to claim "oh, we're still having Cassie be important to the story, look!", and gave her a throwaway romance so not only could they parallel it to the Beau/Jenny relationship but also to keep Cassie busy so we get more time with Beau but remove any possibility of Cassie being a potential romantic rival for Jenny (so Jenny can confidently go after Beau) and so like Elwood said, two women don't fight over a guy (which again is hilarious because the only thing keeping Jenny from going all schoolyard this season is because Cassie is interested in Cormac).

This is why Kylie/Cassie has reduced time this season compared to the last two. This is why Kylie/Cassie are not being featured/pushed on social media. This is why you can barely find any Cassie scenes from this season on YouTube unless it features Cormac or Beau/Jenny. Because the Elwood and the show see the response they got once it was announced Jensen would be in 2x18 and what kind of response they got after it aired. Then they even saw the response to the announcement that Jensen had joined Season 3 as a regular. They see the consistent engagement from #AcklesNation on social media (which unfortunately is what counts these days in this industry; I don't care for Cocoa Brown myself but she said it best in that IG Live she did), something like Jensen has over 10M Instagram followers, and the desire for Beau/Jenny from that crowd (which is because Jenny is being used as self-insert for a lot of them and it's being accommodated by Jenny's characterization drop this season but that's a conversation for another time). Jensen and Katheryn do have chemistry but it's nowhere near what it should be for this type of "romance" to take place successfully. You combine that with poor writing/development and....well, you need to do other things to compensate, like moving the main protagonist to the back burner.

Saying all of this, now we look at that latest interview and it makes more sense why we see less of Cassie and read things like this:

"I think the modus is to go right to giving the audience what they want" What a statement to make about the direction one of your leads' stories is going in, especially when you are responsible for not only making that decision but you are helming the show itself. This show lives and dies with him.

If I hadn't seen/read everything I listed above and only saw this one interview, I would immediately know that this show no longer worth my time, not while it's under this guy. I get that he has to keep the show on the air but when you make it obvious that you're just a salesman who is saying whatever he has to in order to sell the product, then the product isn't really being given the attention it's not only due but deserves.

Imho, that one line says it all. It covers what their actual goal is, what their intention has been all along, and how things are operating behind the scenes.

And to break it down even further:

"I think the modus" - this word automatically makes one think of 'modus operandi' which is defined as: a particular way or method of doing something, especially one that is characteristic or well-established. Well, frankly speaking, this whole Beau/Jenny "romance" is not characteristic or well-established, but it's obvious this is how they chose to go about it. We've only seen the build-up from Jenny's side, never Beau's. And they purposely threw Cassie into the mix in the beginning and kept the mention of her as a device to not only keep those viewers (aka Cassie fans) hooked but also because of what Elwood says later in the interview.

"Is to go right to" - had Beau/Jenny had an organic build-up, then yes I could buy that they've been planning this from the start. And tbf to them, it is possible they chose to do this once Jensen was cast as a season regular after they saw how loud the purported #AcklesNation was in wanting not only more of Jensen/Beau but also Beau/Jenny like I mentioned above. This is exactly what they're looking for (hence the SPN Easter eggs thrown in as well). More proof? Having Travis step out at the same time Beau steps in doesn't make sense for Jenny's character development, especially when they made sure to mention in the episode that Beau was still in love with his ex-wife, Jenny lets Travis go so he can find the girlfriend he can't let go of, and she barely gets a breather in between. She literally is between two guys who have the same issue, just different circumstances. That is such bad writing (and bad character development for Jenny) that I can't help but think they didn't intend a Beau/Jenny "romance" at that time, especially since it wasn't announced that Jensen was locked in for season 3 yet. So this gives more credence to the belief that the Beau/Jenny thing wasn't an actual thing until they saw the response to 2x18 and locked Jensen in. Especially given the two very different interactions Beau has with Jenny and Cassie in that same episode. Had Beau/Jenny been the plan, Beau and Jenny's introduction would have played out very differently and the end of Travis and Jenny's story would have been changed up.

"giving the audience what they want" - talk about specific wording. This isn't something they necessarily want or that he himself wants but it's the audience that wants it. And they're giving it to them. This line makes absolute sense with what he says in the interview about Beau and Jenny needing to earn that "physicality". He and the writers could have given it to the audience in the beginning of the season, if that's what they really wanted to do but they didn't. Instead, Elwood says this: "I think it all goes towards earning those looks, earning any kind of physicality that may occur in the back half of the season, really earning it, and making the audience want to be there for it." They made it a "slow burn" so they could lock in viewers each week, that's it. While Elwood talks about earning it (and he's right, when it comes to actual character and relationship development, things have to be earned before they happen or else it doesn't make sense and feels off-kilter to the audience), the main reason they're having it happen in 3B is because they're trying to guarantee a viewership for as long as they can which they're hoping gets them renewed for season 4. So they consistently bait the hook with whatever they need to i.e. the stroking of Jenny's face out of nowhere (which bless Jensen, he was the one that made that even work as slightly as it did), the Beau and Cassie scenes, and the cliffhanger with Buck vs Cassie. In order to keep people coming back to watch so they don't get cancelled. (The Winchesters is actually doing this same thing btw; I don't know if you follow this show or not but if you look it up, you'll see they're doing the exact same thing - their bait is the earned Jary kiss in the fall finale, casting an SPN actor in the mid-season premiere in January, promising fans payoff in the season finale - it's the name of the game for these two shows because they're trying their hardest to ensure another season)

Bottom line: they don't care about the story; they only care about numbers. If the rumors of this show being on the chopping block last season are true (which after all of this, seems like a pretty good bet that they are), then that explains everything. It explains their consistent appealing to #AcklesNation online, the content they choose to repeatedly focus on which alienates the other characters and cast members (and their fans), and why they're giving "the audience" what they want. They're fighting to stay on the air. Which makes sense especially if you look at this season's casting compared to the casting of the last two seasons (when comparing household names I mean). They really stepped up their game. We have Reba, Rex Linn, Jensen, Jamie-Lynn Sigler (who was also made a season regular for this season), Rosanna Arquette, Henry Ian Cusick, Lyle Lovett, Darius Rucker...it's quite the lineup.

So that is why I feel Cassie has been pushed aside as much as she has. It's all about the numbers. And Cassie isn't producing numbers/ensuring ratings as much as Beau and Beau/Jenny are. And Jenny is perfect self-insert for a lot of people when it comes to Beau...and that's all I'll say about that (though I'm sure you get what I'm saying).

As for how I feel about it, I am just beyond disgusted, disappointed, and angry on Cassie's behalf. Disgusted because the story is literally being hijacked for numbers, and boy does it show. Disappointed because while Jensen/Beau was my gateway to this show, I did actually enjoy the show for itself after bingeing season 1 and falling in love with Cassie and her friendship with Jenny. Angry because they are literally not only moving Cassie to the back in favor of this bs but they're literally having a WOC prop up the white leads. Even though the WOC is the main protagonist and a lead herself. And I hate to say it but Beau has literally replaced Cassie, not just in Jenny's story but also in the main narrative of the show. He gets more screen time than Cassie does every single episode (which again is for the numbers). Not to mention, they literally used Cassie to help along the Beau/Jenny bs. She was used to make Jenny jealous (both romantically and emotionally), to help Beau open up to get him into position to be able to open up to Jenny, and to ease the way for Beau and Jenny in their own dynamic. And that is just so beyond wrong, I don't even know where to begin. For comparison's sake, check out the new show Alaska Daily. It's only half a season in but in those few episodes, they're handling the format of weekly cases vs the big case in the background way better and they're not sacrificing POC/WOC to do it. Eileen (Hilary Swank) is the main character but Roz is never pushed to the side or run over in favor of the white lead or to sell something for Eileen's story within the narrative. Roz is not used as a device by the writers to account for any incompetency or inconsistency or to solve a problem for them. The difference between the two is quite striking though they're literally on the same network lol.

But, back to Big Sky and Elwood, talk about ringing the death knell of what could have been a decent show. Anytime you see a showrunner doing fanservice like this (with the addition of making it obvious that you're only doing the fanservice for the numbers) rather than what actually serves the story and/or the characters, it's pretty much a done deal. Imho, it will only be a matter of time before this runs into the ground and completely disintegrates. Especially when romance is not supposed to be the focus of a show like this.

So I'm not going to continue to watch the show once it returns after the holidays. I truly have no interest. I think Reba, Jensen, and the cast are doing a phenomenal job trying to give life to these characters and give their stories their due, and the show has only lasted as long as it has due to the incredible work of the existing cast that the newbies got added onto. But seeing how little the showrunner actually cares about the story of the show based on not only the final product he's putting out but also his own responses and his moving the goal posts on certain parts of the narrative at large...no thank you. My time and energy can go to another show that tells a better story and gets it right, where the showrunner actually cares about the story and its characters.

After the season ends, I might binge it just to see the end because I don't like to say never and I don't like to leave things unresolved like that for myself, but I have to be honest, I highly doubt it. I love Cassie, I love Beau, and I do love Jenny, but it isn't worth it imho. And I feel super bad saying that because I do love Reba, Jensen, Kylie, Katheryn, Dedee, and the cast, and the work they do but even they can't make me forget the horrific and lackadaisical writing I'm witnessing.

I hope I was able to adequately answer your ask, Anon. I hope in somewhere in that long novel I made some sense lol. Sorry it took so long for me to reply! And thank you again for sending me my first Big Sky ask. =) I hope you have a wonderful rest of your day!!! <3

[waugh-bao]

Thank you so much! It is a lovely article and a lot to take in. Very interesting to hear him talk about his bad period and the mention of his father’s passing which I think gets overlooked when talking about those days. The ‘moved away spiritually’ from Shirley is so touching. Like their spirits were one until he drifted. The mention of ‘my wife’ ‘my daughter’ ‘my granddaughter’ shows that his spirit and Shirley’s were once again united when he got clean.

I do like that it was already recognized that he was the ultimate decision maker when Mick and Keith argued. Also the mention that people told the author to be nice to Charlie because he such a kind man. That seems to be a theme. “Look, Charlie is a little eccentric and maybe sometimes his thoughts move faster than his words and yeah he has obsessive tendencies but he is an angel on earth and the kindest, most wonderful, and most gentle man you will ever meet so you be nice to him! Or else.” (Imagine this being said by Keith with a knife to the author’s throat. The rest of the entire Stones entourage is behind him, nodding in agreement. “He’s so cute!” Lisa yells.)

No problem!

The other eye catching thing to me about the question of how his father’s passing contributed to his downward spiral is that, other than Charlie himself mentioning it very briefly two or three times over the years, the only other person I’ve ever seen address it was Keith, in 1983.

“There was never a time when I wanted the Stones to end. There was for Charlie when his father died just before the 1981 American tour. He was griefed up. We made him keep going to help. He hasn't stopped drumming since."

Keith being the one/one of the people to realize that that event was key in setting Charlie down the road to substance abuse (he showed up drunk to his dad’s funeral) makes a lot of sense, too, in that Keith was hugely important in pushing him to get clean.

The way he phrased that was beautiful, and very telling of how deep his feelings for her were.

“‘It was one of the worst periods in my life. It was a crisis for me and it was in my midlife. I nearly lost my marriage. I got away from my wife spiritually and mentally. We weren't together, even though we were living together. I tried these things I'd never done before, like heroin. You can take heroin and nothing happens, then all of a sudden you're hooked on it. I took speed all the time: I'd live three days and sleep two; live three, sleep two. You don't look too good at the end of that. I felt so ill; I looked like Dracula. It was a minor league thing and I stopped it all myself but it was awful for the family.’”

I think the interviewer, Robin Eggers, is wrong in what he says right after that, though: “Charlie's not prone to introspection, but once he's into a subject he doesn't stop.” Charlie strikes me as a profoundly introspective person, but not someone who felt the need to broadcast all of his private thoughts to the world.

That said, the way Eggers connects Charlie’s feeling “rootless” due to his father’s passing with the “upheaval” in the band as the reasons for his addiction crisis is interesting to me, because Keith, ten or fifteen years after that period, also said that he felt the band’s dissolution contributed to Charlie’s problems in a huge way. It makes me wonder how much he blamed/blames himself (and Mick) for what happened to Charlie.

“I have a kind of soft spot for it [Dirty Work] but it was a real struggle to make, with people not being there, and Charlie was having a very bad year because he felt the untogetherness of Mick and myself very strongly, and Charlie responds very dramatically to that--he can't play with people who are antagonistic and it was disturbing him a lot.”

Which is even sadder when you see that Charlie in no way blames Keith for what happened to him, but felt that he did it in imitation of his friend as a desperate cry for help and love.

"’Keith handles whatever he is, or does, or has been, very well,’ he concedes. ‘I could never do that, but I was trying to do that to be like him. The barmy thing is I lived with him so much I almost was, without the drug taking. Drugs are a cry to be recognised or loved or whatever, which we all do – ordinary people, that is.’”

Anyway, back on track, absolutely yes! The way he talks about his family is incredibly sweet, and it’s clear that he and Shirley were back on solid ground.

“‘My wife has kept me very sane,’ he says. "I'd have probably ended up a drug addict nutter in Soho if I had been single all the way through. It's very difficult to keep a romance alive for 35 years. The only good side about touring is the absence makes you realise how much you miss someone.’”

And the bit about Charlie’s power within the band is so well done, that quote he uses is perfect.

“‘After 30 years at the top of the tree, the chemistry of the Rolling Stones in one room is pretty explosive,’ director Julien Temple told me during a video shoot in 1993. ‘If you are looking after one ego, you may be bruising another. Charlie to me is an incredible person; he's like the Solomon of the Rolling Stones. If there's a disagreement or a decision to be made, he's always the highest authority on the mountain.’”

That was my favorite bit of the entire piece!

“Everyone who works for the Stones adores Charlie. ‘Be nice to him,’ they tell me, ‘he's so gentle.’”

I have no trouble believing that Keith was one of the people that told this journalist, probably with knife in hand, that he’d damn sure better be nice to Charlie. We know he just fully crashed that Modern Drummer interview. But, you know, also because this is the exact same album/tour [Bridges to Babylon] wherein he basically committed attempted murder to protect Charlie’s honor.

"One night when I was having some drinks Keith got upset with the guitar player in Whiskeytown and chased him down the hall with a [broken off] bottle of vodka. I think Charlie got snubbed in front of Keith. It was accidental but it really set Keith off."

[rahleeyah]

@jacnaylor buckle up buttercup here we go

Like FIRST OF ALL yes love what you have to say here about them going undercover (why are they so good at pretending? Which is an EO concept that's been on my mind hence my recent one shot of the same name that takes on a whole different meaning in the context of Elliot/Marcus) and second yes you're absolutely right re: the violence; bc Marcus, like Olivia, fears what's inside him and has spent his whole life trying to be Better and Elliot, who wants I think to love and respect his father, finds it more of a struggle. Marcus understands what was Wrong about his dad (he thinks) but it's not as clear cut for Elliot who empathizes with his father (extrapolating that based on him essentially following in his father's footsteps and the OC brotherhood arc). Their fathers both dictate their choices in different ways. And Marcus is tender like Olivia is tender but Elliot is old fashioned; a tender man challenges him more than a tender woman which is interesting to me bc Elliot himself can be very tender. And re: Cassidy

Oh fuck yes bestie pls bc I personally head canon that Brian fucked Stone; I think there's something profoundly homoerotic about their connection and about Brian himself but bc of Brian's hangups re: masculinity and his own trauma it's not something we ever see him capable of exploring but if young Brian meets Marcus....oh yeah fam i fully think they fuck and I fully think we can preserve their arc. A youthful indiscretion that confuses and compels Brian and ends badly but he never forgot how Marcus made him feel and they meet again when they're older and sadder and lonely and give each other back a piece of themselves they were missing but they're still never gonna fit bc Brian is never gonna accept that he can have a lifelong relationship with a man and Marcus wants more than Brian can give him.

Which ties in Barba and Stone. Stone fully reads bi to me and Barba has always been gay in my head which is PERFECT for both their arcs with Marcus. Stone catching feelings but the moment is never right. Barba and Marcus are still best friends and Barba still reacts badly every time he finds out Marcus is fucking someone else. (Bruh. Tucker?)

But really losing my MIND over the gay bar bit like if everything plays out the same. And Elliot comes back and he's just buried his wife but Marcus is right there and it's dredging up all those old complicated feelings and I feel like he may struggle with the idea of like. Asking himself if he is somehow betraying Kathy, if his love for her is somehow invalidated not by his having feelings for someone else but his having feelings for a man and Elliot in his post PTSD spiral where Marcus still hasn't fully let him in going to the gay bar, becoming a regular (maybe getting a blowie in the bathroom on a bad night) and it's not that he's looking for someone to hook up with he's looking for himself.

Ayanna knows. There's maybe no sexual gossip about Benson and Stabler (they get to just be "brothers in arms" if they're both men, protected by the inherent homoeroticism of soldier metaphors which is its own thing to unpack) but the second she sees the two of them together she Knows. And it makes a lot of things about Stabler make sense.

who had "genderbent olivia benson" on their "things that make leah feral" bingo card

under a cut bc it's a lot, tw: at the beginning for brief discussion of SA wrt Serena and Olivia

this is cut and pasted from discord so forgive the way it jumps around but:

Sorry I just distracted myself with "Olivia would've been a man" bc like. Can you imagine them doing the "I'm the product of a rape" storyline for a man? I really can't see anybody doing that bc the challenge that would present to the character's masculinity is so complex I can't see anybody having the balls to do it

(god but the alternate universe in which Olivia is a man and Elliot falls in love with him anyway.... I'm vibrating at a frequency that could shatter glass) 

Bc in many ways Olivia internalizes her mother's trauma and acts as a victim, as if she herself has been raped, she empathizes as a woman, as a fellow member of an oppressed class, but if it's a man, and he is of the same class as the person who hurt his mother, he can't claim her injury as his own and instead of taking the place of the victim he takes the place of the perpetrator which is also fascinating wrt the Serena/child relationship

He would not be named Oliver also I'd have to sit with this for a minute to come up with an appropriately elegant and literature inspired name for him lmao

And he is still doing penance, by joining svu, not bc he has inherited his mother's pain but bc he has inherited his father's shame

Ooof and when he meets Simon.....

Oooof and when Elliot wakes up from a dream about [his name] sucking his dick

...kathy being less threatened because its another man tho

kathy being like 👀

I'm losing my mind about this actually closet bisexual Elliot Stabler who struggles to form solid attachments with men (if you think about it he works best with women and that goes back to Joe and Bernie) developing this intense codependent relationship with another man for the first time and Kathy is at first just happy he has a friend but as time goes on she has. Questions. Especially when Elliot starts preferring to hit from the back 

God Kathy trying to tell him he's in love with this guy and Elliot having an existential crisis

Ok but what is his name. Some suggestions:

Alexander (the great)

Patrick (bc she couldn't call him Patroclus)

Jason (and the Argonauts)

Marcus (Aurelius)

Or maybe she went generic. Sean/Ethan/Evan/David

oh i like Marcus

And maybe he goes by Mark but Serena always called him Marcus

YES.

Maybe Elliot switches back and forth between Marcus and Mark

But Marcus at one point killing someone or hurting someone and being like "I'm just like him!" meaning his dad and Elliot grabbing him by the back of the neck and being like "you're nothing like him" all fierce

fj;sldfj;sladjfsalkfj;sdf FUCK

what if its mark most of the time and "Marcus" when Shit Gets Real

YES EXACTLY

Also "you're nothing like him" making Elliot realize Mark is nothing like Joe. That Elliot has approached almost every man in his life as if they are his father - dangerous, not to be trusted, not safe to be vulnerable with - and then realizing he is safe with Mark

Oh wow I am on my knees at the moment thinking about their physicality actually like. Still touching too much still standing too close still finishing each other's food and sentences, but also some hand wavy plot excuse for them to get as close as EO did in the "are you ready for me daddy" scene and also. Since they're both men. Way more seeing each other shirtless/naked in the locker room and what that does to Elliot

The question is tho what does Marcus look like 🤔

Still dark hair and big dark eyes I think

God what if Marcus is like an out bisexual (he still fucks both Alex Cabot and Trevor Langan) and the way that would force Elliot to confront his own desires and the way the lightbulb would go off in his head when he finds out about Trevor and realizes Marcus is Available and Elliot wants him to be and what that does to Elliot. The shame and the desire

Closet bisexual Elliot Stabler is very important to me. Elliot lying awake at night thinking about Trevor and Marcus and when he imagines it he keeps replacing Trevor's face with his own

And Olivia is really interesting bc so much of who she is is tied up directly in her relationship to womanhood (and the audience's response to her is deeply connected to the audience's perception of womanhood, either as women themselves or as people observing women)

So what does that do to us when Olivia is no longer a woman?

[mariocki]

Infinite list of favourite lyrics: 127/?

Dr. Hook & the Medicine Show - Sylvia's Mother (1971)

"Sylvia's mother says

Sylvia's hurryin',

She's catchin' the nine o'clock train.

Sylvia's mother says:

'Take your umbrella,

Cause Sylvie, it's startin' to rain.'

And Sylvia's mother says:

'Thank you for callin',

And sir won't you call back again?'

And the operator says: 'Forty cents more

For the next

Three

Minutes.'

Please Mrs. Avery, I

Just gotta talk to her!

I'll only keep her a while.

Please Mrs. Avery, I

Just wanna tell her

Goodbye..."

[slasherwhxre]

Pokes head

Cutie if it’s no issue can I ask for your fav killers seeing their girlfriend being bullied by other survivors ? SoloQ have traumatized me 😂

If you’re busy please ignore

Pokes out

you really put me on the spot here. I loved writing this, although it may have been done already. I might do a part two in the future because everyone is just 😫

Masterlist

DbD Killers' Reaction to: You Getting Bullied by Other Survivors

|| Characters: Danny 'Jed Olsen' Johnson, Pyramid Head, Bubba Sawyer, Michael Myers, Frank Morrison

Danny 'Jed Olsen' Johnson:

OH, this was good.

He was hidden behind a nearby tree, watching the campfire as the rest of the losers (his words) listened to the redhead woman's story. She was boasting about her performance in the latest trial. Well, that hadn't been good until he heard your name come out of her mouth. He was almost bored, but that earned back his undivided attention.

Danny struggled to hear between the words as her ugly laugh pierced his ears and made him cringe under the Ghostface mask.

He made out 'fell', 'clumsy', 'useless' and you again.

So, that's how it was.

He'd show her.

Didn't she know revenge killings were among his favorite?

Well, you did, very firsthand. She'd know, too, soon. It's probably why it was a good thing you weren't there now.

Danny, no. You'd say.

Danny, yes. He'd tell himself.

You already knew he'd gladly kill for you, for any reason at all. You had to accept it at some point. It was a compliment.

And as far as he saw, Meg thought she was hot shit, didn't she? 'Look at me, I'm an athlete and I run fast.' He blew a raspberry.

Already, a plan blossomed in his sick mind. You didn't mind if he went through with it and made her suffer for bad-mouthing you, did you? Not that Danny was worried, it was justified. Just not to the extent he'd take it.

Pyramid Head:

They thought he'd tolerate that?

Didn't they know his name?

The Executioner.

He wants to Mori them any chance he gets. It's alright, you tell him.

He knows it's not. You don't have to lie to me. 

You might be able to forgive them, but he won't. It goes against his very being, and he'd rather have you not deal with them. He can take care of it for you.

Pyramid doesn't care if he's scaring them away from ever approaching you again, whatever the result it doesn't stop him from punishing them.

Bubba Sawyer:

Bubba is sadder than you at the revelation.

Him, he'd understand.

But you? They were supposed to be on your side, it was mean, and you were the last person to deserve it, that was his opinion. The sweetest, most hardworking one out of them.

Why would they treat you like that? Soft cannibal boy just didn't understand.

You tried to reassure him, I'm used to it.

That was even worse!

He had more purpose to use his chainsaw and use it well. He'd make the revs count.

Michael Myers:

He was sure Feng could've saved you, so why hadn't she?

At first, he didn't think twice about it.

But then he noticed the pattern.

Any time you were paired up with her in a trial, it would always end with you being sacrificed.

Every. Single. Time.

He knew you were quite good at surviving, he enjoyed trials with you for this reason, so why had it always happened when she was around?

Rest assured, Michael wouldn't let it happen again. You were his to hurt only.

Whatever reason she was doing this for, she'd soon feel the kitchen knife in her back, piercing through her heart.

Frank Morrison:

Of course. It was shithead David.

The Legion wasn't surprised one bit.

He'd end him on command.

Just say the word.

You insisted it was fine, he didn't agree and had a lot to say about it.

'Next time, just tell me where he's hiding.'

'I'm not going to betray my friends.'

He let out maniacal laughter.

Joey, Julie, and Susie were your friends, not that coward King.

"Sure doesn't stop you all from hooking me every trial."

'Babe, c'mon.' A quick kiss.

He couldn't let you off the hook (Heh.) just because you were dating him, but he'd make up to you each time.

Still, you knew he was more than happy to slice up any of the idiots bothering you, you knew that, right?

He might take initiative if he ever witnesses it. Don't try to get in the way, he's sending off a warning to others.

[thefanficmonster]

Just Two Sad Roommates

Corpse Husband x Reader(Female)

Warnings: Swearing (maybe)

Genre: Angst, Fluff

Summary: The power of medieval tavern music gets put to the test when Corpse’s roommate is having a rough day. SPOILER ALERT: it’s more powerful than anyone could assume.

Requested by Anon. You know who you are 😊😋 Wish I could tag you, I loved this idea so much and had such a fun time writing it. Hope you enjoy it just as much 🥰

The last twenty four hours haven’t been so great. 

Last night I had a huge fight with my boyfriend over his flirty messages with several girls. It was not just witty banter, it was way more and way more hurtful to me. He obviously denied it and defended himself, at least in the beginning of the argument. Then he took on the accusatory stance, pointing fingers at me for living with another guy. That had me absolutely fuming. Not only was his statement fabricated and literally made up on the spot, but he also used some seriously horrible insults for him. I was having non of it. Corpse is a really great roommate, sweet guy and overall amazing person. I haven’t once argued with him since we’ve started living together. We’re actually quite good friends. So hearing my asshole boyfriend call him all those names was more than enough to chase him out of the apartment. Thankfully, Corpse wasn’t home to hear all that. He rarely leaves the apartment but by some miracle this was the time he was absent.

Then this morning my mom called me to have a chat. It started off decently enough but it only remained that way for so long. It didn’t take her long to start criticizing each and every element of my existence. From my job, my boyfriend, my living arrangement, the career I’ve decided to pursue, the fact I moved to a different state, my paycheck that’s lower than her friend’s daughter’s...…..You get the point. 

Now I’m sitting here, contemplating what the two years I’ve been in a relationship with Marcus mean to me. I guess it is just like a phone call from my mother - starts off nice but slowly deteriorates. All things follow this pattern in my life, apparently. And just like the phone calls, I’ve considered ending things between me and him many times but never actually decided on it. Until now. The last part of this decision is executing it, which doesn’t look very promising. My thumbs are frozen, hovering over the keyboard.

I take a second to take a look at my life from a third person point of view, like an out of body experience. I am wrapped in a blanket, huddled on the couch like a burrito with a face. A really sad burrito with a face. I have a job where I work as much as three highly ranked workers and get paid a little over a secretary’s paycheck. I’m in a constant state of exhaustion and disinterest. I often forget I’m human and just assume I can live like a cactus - no food, no water. I have a boyfriend that’s cheating on me and most likely has been for quite some time now. And we’ve been dating for two fucking years. Man, that must be the longest cheat streak in history. Who knows with how many girls as well. And I still have trouble deciding weather to break up with him or not. Actually no, scratch that, I have already decided, but it feel so unnatural and so out of character that my body refuses to complete the task of delivering the final blow to the structure of this relationship which was already weak to begin with.

And it only got weaker when I started catching feelings for another guy. I know, I know, I’m a bad person for that, but I was never planning to act on those feelings. They have always just...lingered, loomed over me. They got stronger and stronger every time Marcus and I would fight, as though they were laughing at my mock of a relationship.

Speaking of laughter, I hear my roommate laughing in his recording room. I gave him the spare room for his recording equipment for a cheap add to his rent fee and it’s probably the second best decision I’ve ever made - first being picking him to be my roommate. He was among the first to reply to my online add and appeared the least sketchy over the phone. More hypnotizing if I’m honest. He could’ve told me he was a hitman and I wouldn’t have batted an eye, handing the keys to his room and the apartment without a second thought. All he had to do was keep talking. Again, SUE ME.

“Fuck, I’m so fucking pathetic!“ I drop my phone when all the strings inside me snap, releasing the sobs and tears I’ve been holding back for so long.

I bring my knees up to my chest, hiding my head in between them, desperately trying to shield myself from the plane crash that is my life at the moment. Crying makes me feel even sadder and more miserable but I have nothing left to do to get all the crap that’s piled up inside me out.

I’m on the verge of falling asleep, the tears have dried and the sobs have died somewhere in my chest, when I hear what sounds like music straight from Robin Hood’s time. 

Holy shit, I’ve lost it

I lift my head from in-between my knees, looking around the living room for the source of the jolly, lighthearted tune which despite all the heaviness of my self-loathing makes me feel like the main character in an medieval adventure. Wait...Holy crap, it’s that medieval adventure, Robin Hood-ass music I hear from Corpse’s room!

I whip around to face the entrance from to the hallway where I see an arm sticking out, holding a phone which is where the music is coming from. 

“Corpse?“ I call out to him in a questioning manner, shifting to a sitting position with my blanket kicked off of me and bunched up next to me.

“I can’t tell if you’re angry or sad...or both. Didn’t want to get attacked upon entering the room.“ I see the right side of his face peek out as well.

I break out into laughter, covering my mouth with one hand, “You’re such a dork.”

He takes this as a sign to come in, pausing the music as he does so. “What’s wrong?”

My laugh stops but a smile remains on my face as I look at him. He just has that effect on me. “A lot. What’s going on with you?”

He shrugs his shoulders, plopping down on the couch, “The usual, streaming Among Us. You should play with me and my friends some time.”

I scoff, “I can pull of a lie no problem. Maybe I really should.” I don’t actually consider it, it’s just funny to think about. 

I have never watched any of Corpse’s content. Not his scary story videos, not his streams, not his animated compilations. Just his songs. And let me tell you...they are hella good. One song and I was hooked.

“Hey, I have a question.“ I tilt my head to look at him, “What’s with you and your love for medieval adventure music?“

“Medieval tavern music, and it’s not really love.“ He shakes his head with this dopey grin that is just. so. adorable. “More like a coping mechanism. Tell me, did you feel less sad I played it for you?“

I stop and think for a second. “Yeah, I think so.”

“Point made.“ He declares, leaving me to nod in amusement. “Now, tell me what that ‘a lot’ is.“

So, I do. I tell him everything, from how my boyfriend is cheating on me to how my mother thinks I’m a complete failure. He listens carefully, paying close attention to everything I’m saying. I catch myself laughing a few times while I retell the recent upsetting events.

Must be that music.

“So, you broke up?“ He asks once I end my monologue with a sigh

I shake my head disappointedly, “Not yet. I still haven’t pulled the plug. I don’t know what to say.”

He holds out his hand to me, “May I be of assistance?”

I look at his hand then at him and contemplate for only a second before deciding ‘what the hell’ and handing over my phone after unlocking it. The screen displays my boyfriend’s chat so Corpse just types away what he has in mind. Before pressing ‘send’, he hands the phone back to me. “Proofread it.”

‘Dear Marcus, this is one of your girlfriends speaking. Yes, one of them. You think I’m not onto what you’re doing, you little shit? Well, to your dismay, I am. And so, I discontinue this relation between us. That word might have been too long for your IQ so let me rephrase: We are over. Finished. Hope your other girlfriends wake up too, unless they are already in the know, of course. Love, but really hate, Y/N‘

I was never aware this level of sass even existed.

I add a smiling emoji and send the message, sighing in relief. “I can check that off my to-do list now.”

We both lean back on the couch, looking up at the ceiling. A moment of comfortable silence takes over, leaving us both wandering in our own heads.

“Hey, um, I wanted to do this when I first moved in, but then I met your boyfriend and I took the hint. Now that you’re single, would you want to...“ he sounds a bit uncertain but continues regardless, “It’s ridiculous cause I don’t really like the idea of going out, but maybe we could order take-out...“

“Are you circling around asking me on an at-home date?“ I am surprised by how unbothered I manage to sound while I’m squealing on the inside. It’s fascinating how quickly a person can flip someone’s day around. Turns out it wasn’t the music at all. It was him that had the positive effect on mine.

Out of the corner of my eye I catch his face turn red and have to contain my laughter. The grin can’t be tamed though, especially not when he says, “Yes.”

Internally squealing, I launch myself from the couch, standing up straight in front of him. “Thai. My usual order is on the sticky note on the fridge. But first,” I offer him my hand, “I need to find out if a person can even dance to that ridiculous music.” At his amusement, my grin widens, “May I have this dance?”

He laughs that adorable laugh of his I’ve only heard through the layer of a wooden door. It’s even cuter when there’s nothing between me and its source. The source is cute too, not gonna lie.

With a shake of his head which is most likely disbelief, he takes the hand I’ve offered him, saying: “And you call me a dork.” 

@susceptible-but-siriusexual  @simonsbluee  @save-the-sky  @hacker-ghost  @itsminniekat  @bi-andready-tocry  @imtiredaffff  @jazzkaurtheglorious  @hereforbeebo  @fandomgirl17  @chrysanthykios  @maehemscorpyus  @loraleiix  @letsloveimagines  @annshit  @i-cant-choose-a-username-help  @enigmaticmaze

[red-doll-face]

I just found your blog and I LOVE IT.

If I might ask: What’s your saddest dbd headcanons (killers or survivors)

Call me crazy, but I must know! ❤️

Ohh this one was a good one but it hurt me so badddd, ahhh. I’m glad to share , I have some bad dbd brain rot lmaooo I didn’t do every character so I hope these are ok 🥺 these are a bit long too

Sad Dead by Daylight Hcs

Claudette Morel:

Claudette is one of the criers. Probably cries while getting mori’d and can't help the tears during the really bad matches. Her pain tolerance isn’t very high, hence the willingness to waste time healing herself if it means she can stop being in so much pain.

Meg Thomas:

Spends time alone thinking about her past life. Her mother is a subject that makes her really frustrated. People mentioning their moms makes her a little standoffish. Wishes she had a chance to say goodbye in some way.

Ace Visconti:

Ace doesn't have much family to even miss him. He wonders if they noticed he’s gone or hasn’t come back. Maybe they think he hit big bucks and left them behind. Ace is stuck really. Even if he were to go back, he’d be dead or working off his debt.

Feng Min:

Gets super mad when she loses, it makes her so angry that she doesn’t control the trials. She blames other people for her losses but actually is very critical of herself. Casts the blame on others so she doesn't have to face her own mistakes.

David King:

All of his perks are about putting his ass on the line for his teammates yet everyone seems to think he’s selfish and a dumb brute. David doesn't know what to do to be more approachable; genuinely wants to be seen as a friend.

Laurie Strode:

Laurie never got the chance to mourn her friends. She thought she won. Finding out she’ll never truly escape Michael or be able to forget him makes her so mad. When she gets Michael in trials she makes sure the glass in her pocket is extra jagged and serrated.

Jane Romero:

Jane only wanted recognition and acknowledgement. Everything she's worked so hard for feels like a waste for her now. She should have spent more time on herself or with her father. Jane feels like she has no purpose anymore besides running and screaming for the enjoyment of the entity.

Yui Kimura:

Yui can’t stand the Clown or the Stealth Killers. Reminds her of bad memories. When she loses against killers like ghostface, she is especially angry.Her fighting spirit can’t help her actually get back at them.

Zarina Kassir:

Spent so much time fighting inequality only to spend the rest of her life where the odds are never in favor of the survivors. Where the oppressed are destined to lose. Each one of the people is subjugated, both killer and survivor and there's nothing she can do to free them.

Cheryl Mason:

She's been through literal hell and back just to end up in a weird recurring nightmare. At least Silent Hill had an escape. She's killed a god and somehow someone her size with a boxcutter can kill her? Huh.

Élodie Rakoto:

Feels guilty over the loss of her parents and feels extremely disillusioned by this realm. It's so much more boring than she thought it would be. All of her searching and traveling was not worth this shithole.

Steve Harrington:

Steve, though 18, is very much still a kid. Steve is naive about certain things and his optimism gets chipped away at a lot. Wasn’t too enthusiastic at having to care or look after Dustin and his friends but misses having people to protect.

Jeff Johannson:

Someone who definitely ends up taking hooks for people and ends up dying. Has a reputation among the killers as a survivor who is easy to leverage during the endgame because he will try for that save.

Kate Denson:

Feels very lucky to even have her guitar. The other survivors didn't get to bring many things with them. Makes her feel a little bad when she Often feels too worn out and exhausted by the trials to play it.

Quentin Smith:

Unfortunately stuck in pseudo-hell with his abuser. Gets really anxious against Freddy. Leans on his fellow survivors. Will sometimes accidentally bring Freddy to others in an attempt to get Freddy the hell away for him.

Evan ‘The Trapper’ Macmillan:

Actually has tried on numerous occasions to remove the metal rods and shrapnel embedded in his skin. It hurts like hell and just when he thinks he’s got it, he loses grip. These attempts never work.

Philip ‘The Wraith’ Ojomo:

When he’s alone, Philip will try and talk to himself. His vocal cords are warped, his voice a scratchy growl and garbled gurgle. He remembers what he used to sound like but he tries talking less and less.

Max ‘The Hillbilly’ Thompson Jr.:

Besides being named after someone who locked him away for most of his life? Max has to rest a lot between trials. The constant movement puts strain on him and causes him dull pain. His back causes him a lot of grief. The Entity is barely merciful.

Michael ‘The Shape’ Myers:

Meant to be forgotten by everyone who ever knew of him and he knows it. Loomis, after deciding that Michael couldn't be ‘fixed’ just hoped that the system would swallow him. If it weren't for the entity, Michael knows he'd either be dead or caught and back with Loomis.

Bubba ‘The Cannibal’ Sawyer:

Used to be one of the nicer killers to go against and might have been sweet to certain survivors who deserved kindness. But the Entity punished him for it. Bubba isn't very nice anymore. Probably a little meaner to avoid being in trouble again.

Amanda ‘The Pig’ Young:

Another one down to give second chances, much like the second chance she saw in John Kramer. Doesn’t do this a lot however, therefore escaping the ire of the Entity. She’s spent a lifetime hurting others emotionally and physically. Now, she’ll spend an eternity.

Rin ‘The Spirit’ Yamaoka:

The pain and anguish is so heavy but time is no cure in a place where time is nonexistent. No happiness to replace her rage. Especially in a place where her anger is a weapon for a greater power. Also has tried to pull the glass out of her skin and press her limbs back together. Can’t stand to see herself in the mirror.

Adiris ‘The Plague’:

Her body is always on the precipice of falling apart. Her skin rots; her flesh aches and feels like it will tear away at any moment. She is immortalized yet so close to death. Her body hurts so much but she has a purpose to serve. (makes me even sadder bc jannneeeee my mainnnnn😔)

Kazan ‘The Oni’ Yamaoka:

Misses his son. Never got to see him grow up, considering he;s already met his descendant. Proud from a distance because that's all he can be. The beginning of something so angry that it passes down his family line.

Caleb ‘The Deathslinger’ Quinn

During his life, was under the control of people who made him work for their gain who used him. The Entity emphasizes the killers as a position of power but Caleb does much of the same here. Works and works. Never for himself.

Pyramid Head ‘The Executioner’:

His existence has always included pain. He’s not quite sure what it’s like without it. He’s made several efforts to take the pyramid off. It pulls painfully at his neck. Makes awful groaning noises and roars.

Ji-Woon ‘The Trickster’ Hak:

Has never been much more than entertainment for other people since he was a child. Never expected to be much more. To the point that now, if he doesn't feel impressive in some way, he feels incomplete. The entity is his way to really indulge his ‘true artistry’.

Yun-Jin Lee:

A bit selfish when it comes to surviving. A few people around the campfire dont like her for that reason. Some of the meaner people will even leave her behind because they remember all of the times Yun-Jin might have done something similar.

Thanks for reading!!! I’m sorry I don’t post often but I have Shit ton of hw and I recently started a new project sooo ya know 💖💖💖

[a-libra-writes]

SFW Alphabet - The Huntress

A = Affection (How affectionate are they? How do they show affection?)

Anna is plenty affectionate when you both are alone. It took some time for her to be more open to hand-holding or cuddling and not just hovering over you, anxiously looking around for any danger lurking by. When you first began to take her hand or sit close to her, she almost wasn’t sure what to do, but she welcomed it. It’s been such a long time since she had this sort of affection.

The most obvious way she shows affection is by doggedly protecting you, but there’s more. She likes to have you in her lap while she sharpens her hatchets or bandages up her fingers, put a hand on the small of your back while you both walk through the forest, whittle you little wooden animals … Good luck leaving unless there's a Trial. She won't want you leaving her sight and wouldn't understand why you'd do such a thing.

B = Best friend (What would they be like as a best friend? How would the friendship start?)

A friend is already as rare as a lover, so she treats them much the same. She'll be less overprotective, but just as stubborn, and will still want to teach them things and spend time with them. Anna is almost normal when you're her friend, sometimes you forget she's a giant axe-throwing killer… then she'll do something creepy and put you on edge all over again. And she certainly won't be more merciful in trials.

She's surprisingly easy to approach, if you want to attempt making friends. Unlike most killers in the Fog, she won't try to axe you right away (unless you're a man or present as one…). She'll let you watch her hunt and follow her from a distance, but eventually she'll approach if you don't do so. 

C = Cuddles (Do they like to cuddle? How would they cuddle?)

She loves cuddling! And such a big woman is excellent at it. She’ll cuddle anywhere you want, but it’s most comfortable in a warm space with a fire - that's more for your comfort, not her’s - and she’ll pull you into her lap and wrap her strong arms around you. She adores it when you press against her chest or her neck, especially when she can feel your soft lips against her skin. She’ll want to pet your hair, sing to you, listen to your chatter - anything. When it comes to sleeping next to her, the cuddling is less cozy because she holds you so close and leaves you little room for wiggling.

D = Domestic (Do they want to settle down? How are they at cooking and cleaning?)

Anna would just love to have a blissful domestic life with you. She wants you to live in the cabin her mother built, with a little girl or two you both raise together, with a garden and maybe a good hunting dog and … you get the picture. It’s sweet how much she yearns for this, how clearly she can see it in her mind. It really would hurt her if you didn’t want to at least live with her (nevermind how difficult the Entity makes that whole scenario…). She’ll teach you all she knows, too: She’s excellent at cleaning and cooking all the game she hunts, and she’ll fix up the cabin anytime it needs repairs. 

E = Ending (If they had to break up with their partner, how would they do it?)

It would take a long time for Anna to get to this point. She’s so lonely and so attached that she’s willing to put up with a lot. She will eventually draw a line, though, and she’ll make her concerns known. Depending on how you break up, Anna will either keep her negative feelings to herself and sulk in the Fog… or she’ll go out of her way to target you in the Trials. 

F = Fiance(e) (How do they feel about commitment? How quick would they want to get married?)

Her experience with feelings like this are next to none, but she believes you two must be meant to be together! She has such wonderful, light feelings when you’re around. It’s the only good thing in this strange, confusing place she’s been brought to. Marriage doesn’t mean much here, but if you brought it up, Anna would be tickled to wear something matching and have a little ‘ceremony’. It binds you to her even more.

G = Gentle (How gentle are they, both physically and emotionally?)

Anna tries her best to be physically gentle, but she is a strong woman and may grip you too hard, especially at first when she’s so unused to being with someone. She has trouble reigning in her strength when she’s worried, angry or excited. Though when she hears you cry out, she instantly stops and carefully handles you like glass for the rest of the day. She’s always very careful when carrying you while you’re injured … even when she has to put you on the hook eventually, she'll make it quick and give another Survivor a little extra time to get you. If you've had an especially bad series of trials, she'll brutally sacrifice every other Survivor and gently carry you to the hatch. Anna thinks this is a very good, kind thing to do.

For emotions, Anna isn’t so good with that. She doesn’t always understand the terror or anger or sadness you might have… Hell, when you first met, she didn’t understand why you were afraid. She was instantly intrigued, yet you kept running. Sometimes talking to her about emotions is difficult because she wants to act and fix it, but that isn’t always possible. She’ll even get upset if you don’t seem to cheer up after a while.

H = Hugs (Do they like hugs? How often do they do it? What are their hugs like?)

She pulls you into her arms and gives you a long hug that’s warm and almost too tight. Often she’ll rest her head against your shoulder, since you’re much shorter, and just stay there for a minute or so. If she was more talkative, she’d probably express how worried she was and how relieved she is when you’re back from the Trial, but this is enough to get her point across. Quick hugs are fine, but the lingering ones are the most intimate. 

I = I love you (How fast do they say the L-word?)

Anna says all sorts of sweet phrases and words in Russian, you aren’t positive what they all mean, but they’re certainly good things! Though there’s one phrase she says that’s always softer, always muttered when she’s holding you tight. You have a feeling you know what she’s saying, and it doesn’t take long for her to form that attachment to you.

J = Jealousy (How jealous do they get? What do they do when they’re jealous?)

She doesn’t get jealous, exactly; her protective instinct takes over first. If someone is flirting with you, she perceives them as a danger first, not a rival - especially if it’s a Killer. A Survivor could be clearly flirting and she’d assume their closeness and lingering eyes means they’re going to do something dangerous. Anna’s reaction is the same: She pointedly steps in front of you and tells them to leave… with or without hatchet in hand, depending on her mood.

K = Kisses (What are their kisses like? Where do they like to kiss you? Where do they like to be kissed?)

She loves any kiss you give her, but the light, playful ones are the most fun because she doesn’t expect them. She just lights up when you kiss her scarred knuckles and her rough palms, or place a kiss on her cheek. She’s a little shy to take off her mask, but when you kiss her nose, it’s just so cute! It helps her relax into your deeper kisses. She likes to kiss your chest, to feel your heartbeat and soft skin between your breasts. Her second favorite place is wherever makes you giggle. It’s just too cute to hear. Anna’s lips are pretty chapped, which is to be expected. Initially she kissed a bit too hard, as it was a new thing, but once she gets the hang of it she likes being gentler.

L = Little ones (How are they around children?)

Anna says she adores children, especially girls. She likes to chat with them, play with them, teach them things. Her mother taught her everything, after all, and she loved her mother. Though the more you talk about this, the sadder Anna becomes. When she speaks to you about the little girls - the ones she ‘saved’ - you start to wonder if Anna actually knows anything about raising children, even if her heart is in the right place. It’s probably best she doesn’t, at least not without you to help.

M = Morning (How are mornings spent with them?)

If you both were in the real world, in some idyllic country cabin, Anna would wake up just before dawn. She’d give you a kiss on the cheek while you slept before going off to her morning chores, usually cleaning something she hunted, getting firewood inside or clearing a path in the snow. By the time you’re awake, she’s made coffee and washes up before joining you for breakfast. 

… Though this is the Fog, so the schedule is a bit different. Neither of you need much sleep, but she’ll still “wake up” before you to patrol around. She hates anyone coming near the little shack you both tend to stay in, especially killers. When she comes back, she brings something she hunted that you two can roast over the fire. You’re… pretty sure the animals in the Fog are edible…?

N = Night (How are nights spent with them?)

Snuggled up to the fire in the evening is Anna’s favorite. Before she’d endure the cold and a little fire, but it’s so much better when she’s got you wrapped in a blanket on her lap. You’ll still need to add logs and stoke the fire because her tolerance to the cold is near freakish thanks to the Entity. It’s modest,  but it’s a luxury considering the rest of the Fog. You have a feeling she’d want the same if you both were in the “real” world again, but you could introduce her to hot cocoa and a silly tv show.

O = Open (When would they start revealing things about themselves? Do they say everything all at once or wait a while to reveal things slowly?)

Anna isn't so talkative, but you can glean things from how she acts and what she teaches you. Her protectiveness and paranoia is obvious, but there's also the careful way she looks after her equipment and how easily she hunts. When she starts mentioning her past, things begin to click into place. You can ask her most anything, but thinking of the little girls she lost and her mother can get her quiet for hours. It’s still a painful subject.

P = Patience (How easily angered are they?)

When it comes to you? Anna is incredibly patient as she guides you through tracking in the wilderness, making a fire, throwing an axe, actually using the axe properly to chop something, and so on. She’ll smile (and maybe suppress a chuckle) when you inevitably mess up, and gently correct you. When you’re done she wants to check over any calluses and bruises, and wrap them up herself. 

You’ve seen the other side, though. When you come back battered from a trial, and she knows who did it just based on the injuries. She doesn’t speak, only gesturing you to stay put before she furiously stalks off into the Fog, her shoulders hunched and her fists tightening hard around her hatchet. There’s no amount of calling after Anna, or god forbid, grabbing her so she’ll stop. Even the mention of a Survivor bothering you is enough to get that dark glint in her eyes. 

Q = Quizzes (How much would they remember about you? Do they remember every little detail you mention in passing, or do they kind of forget everything?)

Anna remembers … unusual things. She knows your scent, even when you’re covered in muck and blood. If you’re shampooed and perfumed, well, she can pick that out from an impressive distance. She remembers your gait, the way it sounds and how it looks through the fog. When she’s alone, she remembers new songs you’ve given her to hum, and how you feel against her. Things like favorite colors, movies or random facts of your time hold less water. They aren’t immediately important to her.

R = Remember (What is their favorite moment in your relationship?)

Her favorite memory, even years after you both are together, is the first time she got to hold you in her arms. There was a lot of build-up before that; following Anna around, getting to know her, you both getting closer and you finally allowing her to be so close. That’s what it felt like, permission, and she was more than happy to scoot in and cuddle up. She was delighted that you were just as soft and warm as she always imagined.

S = Security (How protective are they? How would they protect you? How would they like to be protected?)

Incredibly protective. It cannot be understated how much Anna wants to lock you into her mother’s home like she did those girls, but this time she knows what to do. She could keep you safe, she says, if only you both were in her home again. It hurts her that she can’t fight the Entity or keep you permanently safe from the other Killers. Sure, she can wound them or chase them off, and she can tend to your wounds after Trials, but it’s not the same.

You know this weighs on Anna some days, so it’s best to comfort her and indulge in her desire. Yes, it would be wonderful if you stayed at her cabin.  You could cook the meat she brings home, and tend to a little garden outside. There’s not much you can do to “protect” such an imposing hunter, but these sweet fantasies make her feel much better.

T = Try (How much effort would they put into dates, anniversaries, gifts, everyday tasks?)

It's difficult to keep track of time in the Fog, so the concept of anniversaries or even normal dates is asking for a lot. Still, Anna puts clear effort into your relationship. She protects you, brings you little trinkets she's made or found, and likes to find quiet, safe places to keep you until a Trial starts.

If the two of you weren't trapped, she still wouldn't be the best about remembering specific dates. But she'd still do little things to express her love every day.

U = Ugly (What would be some bad habits of theirs?)

She’s quite insistent that she knows the best way to protect you. Not that there aren’t plenty of things the Entity has dragged in specifically to murder you, but sometimes it can border on paranoia. You’ve often felt that if you ever came across Anna in the real world, she would have locked you up “for your own good”. Even just considering the things and people that could hurt you fills the intimidating woman with a sense of anxiety and dread… and she turns that to resolve. Trust her, dorogaya. Just let her take care of everything. 

V = Vanity (How concerned are they with their looks?)

Anna doesn’t think much of her looks, and never has. Not once was it something her mother raised her to consider important. Everything about her attire is meant for practicality… except for the trinkets around her waistband. And the masks. Those are sentimental, not mere decoration. After knowing you, she makes a point to clean her hands and nails before any cuddling and romance goes down. 

W = Whole (Would they feel incomplete without you?)

There was always that horrible feeling she had after losing a girl. If she lost you, it would be so much worse. She didn’t think it could be this much worse. It was unbearable. Anna would lash out, freezing her heart even more than before. She’d alternate between lashing out at the Entity and those around her. Her axes would still hit their targets, but it would be a much bloodier affair - more the work of a butcher than a hunter. It’s so much harder to move on this time, and for once, the idea of finding someone new to protect isn’t helping.

X = Xtra (A random headcanon for them.)

Anna has a variety of animal masks, but her rabbit is her favorite and most worn. They were just fun things her mother helped her make, one of the few real toys she had growing up. So it’s sentimental and makes her feel comfortable when she wears them. She doesn’t mind taking them off when you’re both alone and she wants kisses, but not in front of people she doesn’t like or trust. She thinks you look adorable when you wear one!

The Entity has given her some mutations, though they aren’t apparent from a distance. The most obvious are her eyes and nose. When she takes off her mask, you can clearly see her sclera and irises are all black, with her pupils being little specks of light in that blackness. They can be a bit unsettling. Her nose is oddly shaped, clearly not natural; it reminds you of a panther. Her nails are thick, short and black, with the nailbeds being a purpley-black. Her gums and most of her veins have a blackish tint as well. While she was already a powerful woman before, the Entity has made her even moreso. She has a high tolerance to the elements in general, and the pads of her feet are rough and black like a dog’s paws.

This is probably obvious, but Anna dislikes men. ‘Hate’ is a strong word but she has an instant reaction to throwing an axe to anyone presenting as male - as opposed to a woman, where she might hesitate or observe before throwing it. She doesn’t like men talking to her, she doesn’t trust them, she gladly tosses them around like dolls during Trials. A man you greatly trust will not be free of her suspicion and ire, but she’s willing to be begrudgingly civil if you scold her.

Y = Yuck (What are some things they wouldn’t like, either in general or in a partner?)

She dislikes cruelty, both in a partner and in people. Note, Anna doesn’t consider what she does to be cruel - she tries to minimize suffering, or at least, that’s what she believes. It’s why she has little patience for the other Killers. She also doesn’t like someone who might be secretive, or doesn’t trust her. She’s trying to help. Why would you leave without telling her? Can’t you see she’s doing what’s best for you? This stubbornness isn’t cute. 

Z = Zzz (What is a sleep habits of theirs?)

Anna can sleep anywhere. She can sleep sitting up or standing, on the hard ground or covered in a cloth under the snow. She’s become so accustomed to rough sleeping conditions that if ever given a chance to have a soft, clean bed, it would be a little disarming. The sheer softness would make it difficult to sleep - like she was going to fall through the fluff - and she’d probably accidentally rip any sheets. When she sleeps, she’s oddly still; only the soft noise coming from her nose is evidence she’s resting. It’s hard to tell if her eyes are closed with that mask on. Often, she sleeps with a hand on a hatchet.

[jackhues]

naqia reviews: the invisible life of addie larue (by v.e. schwab)

basically just my SPOILER FREE thoughts on this book! (a spoiler-filled one will be posted soon!)

summary (this is just my own summary): addie larue wanted to be free, but growing up in the eighteenth century as a woman didn't make it easy for her. she's gone as long as she could to stay on her own path, not following society's role for her. but when she's forced into the role, she runs away, praying to the old gods for some way to set her free. when the darkness answers her instead, she takes her chance to be free, not realizing the rules.

three hundred years later, addie lives as an immortal, but also as a shadow. with every gift, there's a downside. and the downside of addie's immortality is being forgotten. no one remembers her once she's out of range, she cannot speak her story, or even her real name. she is cursed to walk in the world without ever leaving a mark.

until one day, a boy from a bookshop remembers her.

genre: fantasy

okay so:

i've read vicious by v.e. schawb (i'll do a review on that later), and i absolutely loved it! so i decided to give this book a try. ngl, i've seen it on tiktok and many ppl said it was a sad ending so i was kinda scared to try it.

i'm really happy i started reading it tho. it starts off with a nice vibe. i wasn't hooked right in or anything, but it was more something that had a calm vibe. after a couple of chapters, it got more interesting.

it was never like completely hooking or something, it was more relaxed. like i could put the book down and take a break if i wanted to. but it was a nice vibe and i liked how i could read it kind of slowly and i wasn't always at the edge of my seat.

once we meet henry, i began to really enjoy it. (he's my fav character, so this might be biased, sorry). i liked the connection of addie and henry's stories, the way it was a mix between the past and the present.

the characters weren't like my favorite, but they're definitely good. i enjoyed reading about how their lives were before each other, it was something that got me really into it.

of course, the relationship between henry and addie was actually really cute in my opinion. like i loved the small actions and lines and just how everything was put together. it gave me a calm kind of vibe, and this is the first book i've read that's like that. it's really different, and i think i liked that part the best.

now, the ending was not as sad as everyone on tiktok made it out to be. tbh, it wasn't my fav ending, but it wasn't necessarily bad. like there's a lot of growth that's implied will happen after the ending, especially with addie, but it just didn't sit right with me. i expected a much sadder ending, with lots more death and stuff.

overall, the book was a really nice read. i enjoyed it until like near the ending where it wasn't sitting right with me.

characters: 4.1/5!! henry was my fav, but everyone was actually pretty good. luc was the only character that made me kinda annoyed. addie was quite good. and the side characters were okay too. none of the characters were SUPER memorable, but i really liked the vibe of them.

story: 4/5!! like i said, the story itself was nice, but the ending kinda threw me off.

would i recommend?? yes. even though the ending was slightly off, the rest of the story was actually really cute. i enjoyed this because it was like different than most of my other fantasy reads, and i liked the history aspect of it too. i'd suggest reading the ending at least once, and then if you re-read, skip the last few pages. i loved henry beyond everything, and addie didn't make me really mad unlike some fem mcs. so i'd say give it a go!