#honourable mention: i wanna meet his mom just to tell her her son sucks

[winterprince601]

i haven't heard anyone else say it, so I'M going to say it - guts by olivia rodrigo is so sansa-coded. "i'm ok with the movies that make jokes bout senseless cruelty that's for sure" "i scream inside to deal with it" "aren't you the sweetest thing on this side of hell?" "everything i do is tragic/ every guy i like is gay" "i give up everything/ i'm plannin' out my wedding with some guy i'm never marrying" "and when does wide-eyed affection and all good intentions start to not be enough?" "and i'm sorry that i couldn't always be your teenage dream" like exCUSE me???

[tobiohchan]

this is super long i had to give a whole cultural background info to explain myself i’m sorry 

i feel like i share too much on here so i’m sorry for sharing too much again. i tried to just keep it to myself but i’ve been thinking about this since yesterday and i feel very depressed about all of it. 

most of you know, i’m pakistani. but i live in canada. my parents are pretty traditional and old school. blah blah blah. in our culture arranged marriages are a thing but with our new generation it’s a bit different. basically, if a boy is interested in a girl, he has to propose through families. so like, he’ll tell his parents (and sometimes the parents are the ones that want him to choose a specific girl) to send out a message with an “informal” proposal. so the boy’s parents will contact someone that will pass on the message, basically a third party, to relay the message to the girl’s parents, who will then relay the message further to the girl. an informal proposal is basically them asking “yo are you guys interested in marriage for your daughter and would you consider our son” more or less. 

and this just means that the girl (and her family) have to respond with either a flat out rejection or say that the girl would be willing to meet up with the guy and get to know him. so let’s say the girl (and family) decide they wanna get to know the guy (and his family) - they’re basically gonna “date” with the intention of possibly getting married in the future. If things don’t go well, then whatever it’s no big deal they just say they don’t get along and that’s that.

If things go well and both the girl and guy decide they wanna be engaged in the future, then the boy’s family is supposed to come over to the girl’s house and basically “reserve” her with money for the boy until the proper engagement ceremony happens. 

SO why i’m explaining all this is: I got a proposal..........my parents just dropped this bomb on me yesterday. like i had JUST finished my last exam and was looking forward to my summer and they told me that my mom’s friend’s son had specifically asked for me. 

Now here’s the story about that. So I’ve only ever met this dude twice in the past two years when his family came to visit from nova scotia. I (as well as my family) have always thought it was weird that they would suddenly call last minute to visit and would make up the excuse that my mom’s friend didn’t wanna see her in-laws so she wants to visit us for the day to hide from them. Anyway, according to this proposal, the reason they came to visit both times was to essentially “check me out” as a potential marriage candidate for their son (and he, for me as his wife i guess -------that sounds so ridiculous kjhfkjdhfj). 

so this guy lives all the way in boston; he’s a doctor and he’s halfway through his residency and just bought a house there and stuff. I guess he’s looking to get married now and his parents wanted him to marry, so he asked them to ask for me. I’m more friends with his sister than I am with him. to be very honest, i didn’t even know his name (i knew his sister’s obviously but) and i have a vague memory of what he looks like. as a kid I used to be afraid of bearded men and so the only noticeable feature i can remember of him was that he had a beard and that he was really awkward to talk to. mind you, I’m really socially awkward myself but when push comes to shove i try to do my best for conversations. all i remember is that i led the conversations with him and he was also pretty awkward. 

Basically, I’m freaking out. most of you might know but i’m ace and I don’t want children and I don’t like relationships and marriage. I’ve mentioned a handful of times to my parents that i don’t really find marriage a necessity as well as having children, but they as well as my grandma always say “you’re young you don’t know what you want. you’ll want these things someday.” so they don’t even believe me when i tell them that. I’ve never had to actually sit down with them and try to explain my issues with marriage and children and to be very honest i’m really afraid of having that conversation. 

my parents are being supportive of my own decision so that’s a plus. they seem to like the guy because he’s a doctor and they like his family. my dad specifically asked me to give him a chance and get to know him. my parents feel honoured that a doctor would ask to marry me and like yeah i’m flattered too but i don’t care about his profession nor his financially stability?? like most of the time they said any guy or girl who becomes a doctor gets proposals thrown at them or people who’re interested in them for marriage so they said because it’s a real “honour” that he asked for me i should think things through. however, in the end, they told me that if i don’t wanna make this decision and don’t want to even try getting to know him, it’s my call and they don’t wanna force me. (but my dad still emphasized that he would like for me to at least try to give him a chance). also, apparently, the boy’s family said they’d be willing to wait for me to marry him in 3 or 4 years if that’s what i wanted if i decided i wanted to marry him in the first place.

there’s just.....so much on my mind about all this. for one, i know i don’t want children nor do I want to marry. it sucks bc in my culture, women who aren’t married or have children are pitied and i HATE that. it’s a really misogynistic (and not to mention, homophobic) culture. my mom flat out said that she’s glad it’s a doctor because she won’t have to worry about me being financially stable and it makes me wanna cry bc what about all this studying i’ve been doing for a job up until now??? does she not have faith that i’m gonna be able to be stable myself?? like, i still remember my grandma’s words from before: she said i shouldn’t study so hard because it doesn’t matter if i get a good job or not, my main purpose in life should be bearing children and cooking and cleaning and taking care of my husband. she said the husband will be the one who supplies for me financially. it was SO demeaning. demeaning to me as a woman and to me as her granddaughter who tries so fucking hard. 

anyway i called my mom out on that and she tried to say that’s not what she meant but it is. it always is. my culture emphasizes the idea that women are to bear children and men are to support them financially. that’s the “ideal” life and anyone who doesn’t do it like this isn’t “normal”. 

so yeah......my parents told me to talk a few days to think about whether i wanna say no flat out or if i wanna get to know him better with the prospect of marriage. i’m freaking out. i’m only 21 for fuck’s sake!!! and i don’t wanna be reserved!!!!! 

this reservation thing is so fucking stupid and demeaning too like if i got to know the guy and hypothetically speaking wanted to get engaged, they, as in him and family, would come to my house and straight up put a wad of cash in my hand as means of reserving me for their son until a proper engagement ceremony. that’s fucked up!!!!!!!! why am i a material item!!!!! 

maybe in the future i’ll change my mind but right now for sure i don’t want to get married and i don’t want to have children but my dad is putting pressure on me (even if he doesn’t mean to) to get to know the guy but I feel bad bc i feel so uncomfortable relationships like that and it would be horrible to waste this guy’s time when it was gonna be a no from the start! and i’m scared in general!!!! 

and i’m also concerned bc i look 16!! and i’m really ugly and plain and simple!! i’m actually kinda scared that he got me and my cousin mixed up bc my cousin is really pretty and really sociable so i’m nervous about everything!!!!!! like, don’t get me wrong, i’m so so so honoured and flattered to be asked but half of me thinks it’s a mistake and the other half is just straight up freaking out.

sorry for those read all the way to the end for this is this is just crazy to me