#honey you're writing your own retirement au

[wewringmagicfromtheordinary]

#Eliot sweetie you're not fooling anyone #with the grumpy act #you are so happy imagining this nice quiet retirement #running Hardison's restaurant #that restaurant was his and Parker's gift to you and you know it via renew-leverage

#lmao yeah like#i dont doubt eliot at a few points during his life imagined settlign down and opening his own restaurant#something small and cozy that only locals know about but they tell tourists its the best food at reasonable prices because lets be real#with all his jobs eliots got enough money for early retirement so his restaurant going out of business is not a concern#but then leverage happens and then hardison buys a pub and at this point the ot3 isnt quite official yet like#no ones said anything but its kind of unspoken that theyre all together#and eliots having the time of  his life designing a menu and cooking and letting hardison deal with the money and technical things because#he wasnt looking forward to that anyways its not his expertise#and its what he wants maybe not exactly what he pictured but when has life worked out exactly as planned?#but anytime someone tries to point out that he loves this job or anything he tries the grumpy act like he's fooling someone#into believing that he really actually hates running a pub#and hardisons pub for that matter like he wouldnt do anything for hardison or parker via cheshasleverage

#the fucking HOOPS this boy is intentionally jumping through#to fucking AVOID the clear and obvious conclusion#that hardison has fucking cared enough about him to hand himt he future he's always wanted on a silver fucking platter#because he lo-#he LOV-#[GUNSHOTS]#<- prev tags#ur so right#hardison is a caretaker and he shows his love by giving the people arojnd them what they love#while eliot it a protector#god love that for them#eliot keeps hardison safe and hardison makes sure eliot is comfortable#balance via therandomfandomme

#we love eliot pretendingto be grumpy about this#'guess i'm gonna spend the rest of my life with hardison and parker 😠 they forced me into it 😠'#Leverage#Eliot Spencer#hitter hacker thief via redgoldblue

507: The Real Fake Car Job

[bunny-jpeg]

Hi bunny!! I love love love your bakery theme and your writing, so well put together!!

I was wondering that if you wrote for Logan if you could do banana and chocolate muffins with a side of on the house. I think logie needs some love ya know

bakery menu

want to suggest your own items? then look at the menu, and pick out something you'd like! this request caught my eye because i haven't actually written logan yet! he isn't one that comes up a lot, so i was happy to see it! for this one i thought about a mafia au for it! so i hope you like it, thank you for ordering!!

banana and chocolate muffins ("i'm only doing this because you need to learn how to behave, rules are rules, and you need to follow them.") + on the house (choice: mafia au) served by logan sargeant (formula one)!

cw: smut/pwp, mafia au, mafia boss!reader, bodyguard!logan, dom!reader, sub!logan, nicknames (puppy), cowgirl position

"sargeant, huh." you said as you tapped him on the forehead, you giggled a little, "more like puppy."

you watched logan swallow as he shifted on his feet. he had to keep his composure, his job was to protect the current mafia boss. he couldn't lose focus, even if the woman he was made to protect was the only calling him puppy.

he had never been called a puppy before, always thought of himself as a german shepherd or a rottweiler. but to be a puppy made something stir in his gut.

he held his head high as he said, "thank you, ma'am."

you didn't believe that you needed a full time bodyguard. you had been trained by your father since a young age on how to protect yourself. you knew howto handle weapons and how to create weapons out of day-to-day objects.

a lot of damage could be done with a pair of heels.

but your retired father still worried about his only child and promised to hire a 'shadow', someone who would protect but, not be overbearing and in the way. that put your mind to ease, you knew that 'shadows' were quite helpful.

you saw leclerc's guard, a strong dutchman with gleaming blue eyes. but, you got an american. who was all smiles and niceties. it made you worry that he was actually a double agent.

he liked to hug, his laugh was rather loud and he often forgot to take his shoes off at the door. but, he kept you safe. so you couldn't be mad for long (except for the shoes thing, that you had to train out of him).

"he sucks as a shadow, father." you said after the first month with him.

your old man chuckled as he sipped his hard liquor. he cleaned back in the expensive desk chair and said, "honey. does he do his job well?"

your father meant protecting you from anyone out to harm you. but, you found another purpose for mister sargeant.

he was naked in your large bed and you were laid beside him. your hands roamed his body as you kissed at his strong jaw. he'd let out soft noises as his cock twitched in his briefs.

"who's my pretty puppy?" you asked, "you did so good today." you giggled, "i know you're not a big fan of charlie or lewey, but you did so good while i talked to them." you pinched his cheeks.

you didn't know if logan disliked leclerc or hamilton because at any moment the house of cards of your alliances but collapse. or because leclerc and hamilton liked to mess with you. like when hamilton pulled you close to see if you liked the new cologne he wore. or when leclerc curled a strand of hair around his nimble fingers and asked when you got that new haircut.

when logan shot daggers at them, the other's bodyguards were glaring at him. regardless, you had a good night.

"thank you, ma'am." he said, flowering at your touch. you smiled down at him as you continued to pepper his face with kisses. you held his face while his rough fingers brushed across your side.

"always so good to me. did you know that, puppy? that you're just such a big strong man, my precious bodyguard." you smiled before you kissed him some more.

his precum was staining the front of the briefs he wore. he loved your touches on him, it was like being touched by the sun. you kissed him a few more times because before you got up on his waist.

you sat on his toned stomach before you pulled down his briefs as a weird angle. you felt a thrill run through you as logan helped you taking them off.

you moved down until you were rested on his thighs and slowly stroked his cock. you maintained eye contact, "who's my good puppy?"

he swallowed as pleasure burned in his brain, "i am, ma'am." he wanted to grip your hips but you were control.

because of course you were.

you patted his face before you placed both hands on either side of him and sank down on his cock with ease. it always felt like a perfect fit. his pretty and fat cock, always made your mouth water.

you leaned over him, getting you get access to the sight of your breasts. he kissed at the flesh as you rode him. you held your tongue when you felt his lips on your nipples. it left a shiver through your body.

"shit, logan."

"mmm, ma'am. please." he gasped before he went back to kissing at your chest. your body moved beautifully on top of him.

"such a pretty boy. i can't believe you were supposed to be my shadow. you turn heads wherever we go." you laughed as you picked up the pace.

"can't help it ma'am, but i'm only overshadowed by your beauty." he panted as he finally reached for your hips and clutched onto your hips. he felt the curl of pleasure in his gut as you moved.

you leaned in to kiss him once more. he really was a beautfiul sight to behold. those pretty pink lips parted, his chest heaving with heavy pants. so take your bodyguard together piece by piece.

but what laid underneath was beautiful. you continued to move your hip, you held onto him by the chest as you moved up and down. his cock never slipped out of you as you kept your movements steady.

"you're too pretty to be a bodyguard. i don't want that silly face of yours to get all messed up."

"thank you, ma'am." he said as he held onto you, but didn't change your pace. but he knew he wouldn't last long regardless, he felt the circulation of pleasure in his body.

his head felt unfocused as his cock pressed against the softest parts of you. he really want fucking one of the most powerful women in earth. the thrill made him shudder.

you could have him killed, but yet he was under you while you rode him. you were his puppy. you kissed him once more on the mouth and went as fast as you could.

he whined loudly at the intense feeling, but was silenced by another hot kiss. you loved a whiny puppy as much as the next person, but you wanted your man quiet.

"pretty boy." you cooed.

he came with a loud groan and almost covered his face. but, you suddenly pinned his wrists down. you leaned over him and smiled a little. you panted heavily before you pulled him into a searing kiss.

you get your hips a few more thrusts before you came around his cock. you panted and slowed down to a stop. you wiped the sweat off your brow before you leaned in and kissed him on the lips.

he laid there as a sweaty mess, he was very pretty under you. his blond hair stuck up in different angles and his cheeks were flushed. you rubbed his toned chest and chuckled.

you gave him another kiss, "how was that, my puppy?"

he nodded, "perfect, ma'am. thank you." he took you by the hips and rolled you onto your side. he snuggled behind you and gave you small kissed behind your ear.

you rubbed his arm that was around you as you both settled down from the high of sex. it felt nice, to be held. you could defend yourself if you so desired, but if having logan play bodyguard during the day and lover at night, then you'd keep him around. <3

[roguepen]

I was asked to compile some fanfic recs and I've decided to put some out for you all to read at your leisure. It's mainly Harry Potter - because the fandom took full control there - and I'm recommending other fics from mostly smaller fandoms as well. I don't think you need to read the source material to enjoy most of these.

Under the cut!

Harry Potter

The Secret Diary of Hugo Granger-Weasley, Aged Thirteen and a Half - by FloreatCastellum

The Quest to Find 12 Ways to Charm Witches - by FloreatCastellum

A Brief History of Red Telephone Boxes - by FloreatCastellum

She has written my one true headcannon for Hugo Weasley in three fics - he's a menace, he's unintentionally hilarious and just the perfect combination of Ron and Hermione and the take on the Adrien Mole novels is sheer perfection. All of her work is great and stand out on their own merits - but I come back to these when I need a really good laugh because she really understands those awkward early teen years so well.

FloreatCastellum has retired from fanfiction to pursue original works, but her backlog is extensive, interesting and engaging. Her tumblr is still active and going through her asks is a treat into examining her though processes and clarifying some details. You can find the tumblr here @floreatcastellumposts

Order of Mercy - by MandyinKC

I'm very past due to reread this - she started posting this on FFN when I was teaching in South Korea and I remember reading the updates in the evening before bed. It's a fantastic take on another prospective on the last book and probably did play a part in my own writing. This is one of the best takes on an alternate prospective of Deathly Hallows from the shared prospectives of Bill, Fleur, Percy and Audrey as they form their own small resistance group.

Irrational - by RonsGirlFriday (aka @constitutionalweasleymonarchy on this hellsite)

This is the fic that made me appreciate the first person prospective and showed me what kind of strong character voice that can offer. The way Audrey is written here is fantastic, she's quiet, observant and is going through her very quiet life as it begins to shift through meeting new people. The story is not overwhelmed by an intense narrative, it's a quiet day to day sort of story. This is one of the primary inspirations for the POV for One for Sorrow and its early tone before the madness set in. I will drop everything I'm doing if I get word of an update or new publication.

Oo0Oo0

Bridgerton

a most assured bliss - by starkswinterfelling

I know this fandom has taken off in recent years and has a lot of good fics, I don't have time to go through them all these days but I can recommend this one with confidence as a long, extended epilogue to book 3 of the series from the prospective of the elderly housekeeper as she ends up in a web of well-meaning secrets between her employers. It's very well written, very funny and a reminder that all secrets come out eventually.

Oo0Oo0

Daddy Long Legs - Jean Webster

Dear Mr. Ben E. Factor - by orphan_account

This is one of the finest epistolary novels. It's short and covers about four years of Judy Abbott's life as a college student paid for by an unknown benefactor. This book is a product of its times in regards to race and class politics of the era. If that's not something you want to go through, that's fine, some kind soul has rewritten the novel for modern sensibilities and has lost none of what made the original novel so endearing.

Oo0Oo0

Lord of the Rings - JRR Tolkien

The Abduction of Éomer, King of Rohan - by Lialathuveril

The author is now self publishing and I recommend all the work on her page. This is one of the stories I made sure to save in case FFN ever truly dies - it's funny, well written and a slightly insane concept that just works.

Oo0Oo0

Beauty and the Beast

Honey, You're Familiar (Like My Mirror Years Ago) - by hester_latterly

No words for this modern Beauty and the Beast AU. It's well written, engaging and a character study in the guise of... I just don't want to say modern fairy tale, because it's a good definition, but it's ultimately a story about two lonely people coming together. Unfinished, but great!

[eyeslikewatercoolers]

8 for the general prompts?

I haven't written Roura in a hot minute (besides the sandkeeper fic that is currently being neglected but shhhh) so let go with them! (Also thank you to Kit for teaching my no k-pop knowledge mouth about K-pop groups that Aura would like)

This takes place in the Wedding Planner AU, way before the actual fic starts. so a pre-AU?

8. This will be permanent

"This will be permanent."

"Not really." Robin deadpanned as she looked at her wife. "We can always paint over it if it looks ugly. Or we can get some paint remover from the hardware store down the street."

Aura sighed as she sat on the folding stool, next to the cans of paint. "I wasn't talking about the mural."

Robin gave Aura an empathetic look as she sat on the clean plastic tarp. "You're having some second thoughts about this, huh?" she asked, running her fingers over the bristles of the paintbrush.

The other woman nodded, "This feels a lot more daunting than making bouquets in the garage."

"You're right, this is a lot bigger than what we're used to. But we never planned to stay in the garage until we retired." Robin said, in a gentle tone.

Robin has been ecstatic about getting an official business partner and moving into the building Sasha had found for them. It was going to be great, they would have an entire floor to continue their floral business. She couldn't stop showing her excitement for weeks.

Aura, on the other hand? The change was terrifying. What if it didn't work, and they had to start from the beginning? What if they had a fallout with Sasha and they had to find another place in LA to keep their business?

After a few minutes of silence in the room, Robin stood up again and tied her braided hair into a low ponytail.

"Let's put on some music for us, and make some art together," she said, handing Aura a roller brush. "And then we can talk things through while we paint."

Aura reluctantly took the brush and stood off of the low stool, "I'll try to keep up, you're the better painter out of us."

"Babe, you need to stop underestimating your artistic ability," Robin said as she started playing EXID from the small speaker in the corner of the room.

After a few hours of painting and adding the finishing touches, the plain white wall from before was now filled with a colorful variety of painted flowers. A mix of roses, peonies, and baby's breath, as well as some lilac and dahlias placed throughout.

Over the painted flowers, Robin painted in cursive writing Life is the flower, for which love is the honey. It was a Victor Hugo quote that they used in their own wedding a couple years before.

"I think it looks great. But I think it's missing something." Sasha said as she stopped in to place some furniture in her upstairs office.

"What is it missing?" Aura asked as she was tired and covered in paint.

"It's missing the two of you." the older woman smiled as she placed a brush in black paint and handed it to Aura. "Sign it, all art needs to be signed."

After placing their names and the year in the bottom right corner, the mural looked complete.

Aura felt ready for this change. With Robin by her side, this was turning into what they always dreamed about.

[sheloooveswomen]

smexy situations - headcanon

masterlist

prompt: different kinda sorta roleplay related scenarios with your girlfriend.

includes: billie dean howard, lana winters, cordelia goode, sally mckenna, ally mayfair-richards, wilhemina venable, diane sherman, alice macray, tammy, and xandra terrell.

☆ billie dean howard ☆

sugar mama !

• billie buys you special lingerie whenever she plans to take you to an event, sort of a signal of the roles taking place

• "spin around for me. i wanna see all of you."

• she'll pick out your clothes (or have stylists do so if it's an award show)

• opens doors and orders your meals/drinks (somehow she always knows what you want)

• the look in her eyes- immediate gay panic

• always a fun evening filled with dirty talk, explicit praise, and light degradation whispered in your ear (more than the usual)

• a night where she consistently tries to make you stammer/blush

• "Who owns you?"

☆ lana winters ☆

artist + muse

• idk why i picture lana banana painting (like i said in the quarantine headcanon)

• i see her dabbling in watercolors or charcoal drawing, something loose to take her mind off of writers block

• it transforms from a pastime to a hobby

• she moves from landscape to still life to figure drawing

• who better to study than you, her beloved girlfriend??

• she's a bit shy asking you to pose, only because she's a perfectionist and she'd want you to like her work

• but this is lana mf winters so when she gets the nerves over with she asks you to strip and lay on the couch so she can loosely drape a sheet over you

• studying your form soon turns to admiring your figure and quickly leads to hands on exploration- in the name of art of course...

famous author + fan

• AU where your gf is a romance/fiction writer

• despite writing countless interactions this version of lana is quite the introvert so she has you accompany her to writing conventions

• you always have her sign a book for you to commemorate each event

• slip each other flirty notes when you pass her booth throughout the day

• the woman loves compliments and you lay it on thick at each event (signings, meet and greet, wine and cheese, lunch, dinner and dancing)

• obviously fans and other writers hit on her but because she's so private they don't know she has a partner

• you act like one of them before you eventually get to retire to your shared hotel room for the weekend with your favorite author

☆ cordelia goode ☆

head mistress + teacher/student

• she didn't know being addressed as miss/mistress/ma'am was a turn on but here we are

• classic 'punishment' for your work not meeting her standards (just for fun because you'd never dissapoint your supreme)

• or a reward for work well done

☆ sally mckenna ☆

strangers at a bar

• she uses all her best pick up lines

• loves when you play hard to get

• "Make me really work for what i already have."

• the pride she feels when you turn someone else down

(hotel) maid + guest

• oh no! you came to tidy the room and she's laying naked on the bed what ever will you do

• she goes absolutely feral for the maid costume and it's equally as satisfying when she puts it on

☆ ally mayfair-richards ☆

nanny + parent

• starts as a joke after a day of babysitting Oz

Ally: "Thank you for keeping an eye on him, honey."

Y/n: "It's no problem."

Ally: "His camp starts next week so he'll be off during the day."

Y/n: "I really don't mind. You owe me, though."

Ally: "Do I?"

Y/n: "Would you like to know my going rate, Ms.Mayfair?"

Ally: *smirks* "Ms.Mayfair?"

Y/n: "Mhm."

Ally: "Uh huh...what would you like in return for your services?"

☆ wilhemina venable ☆

boss + secretary ?

• starts as a way to tease her

• you hand deliver her mail to her home office...then a snack, then tea, then lunch, and linger a bit wanting some attention

Y/N: "Your afternoon tea, Miss Venable."

MINA: *smirks but doesn't look up* "You don't work for me anymore, you know."

Y/N: "Force of habit." *takes a seat*

MINA: "You're leering."

Y/N: "Admiring."

MINA: "Mhm..." *continues to type*

Y/N: *continues to stare*

MINA: "No."

Y/N: "I didn't even say anything!"

MINA: "We're not having sex on my desk. My desk is for work."

Y/N: "But you're not working right here..." *points to empty spot on the desk*

MINA: *looks at spot for a long time* "Not happening."

• you tried and that's all that matters

monarch/royalty + servant/bather

• her medieval time period books are a comfort so this feels the same for her

• when Mina has a rough day (emotionally or work related) she likes to be taken care of

• instead of closing herself off completely she sheds her clothes along with the days problems and let's you pamper her

• the roles allow her to put some distance between the weight of her emotions and fill the space with intimacy instead

• when she's finally unwinded and you're turning in for the night she may say what's wrong or a simple (yet meaningful) thank you

☆ diane sherman ☆

repairman/handyman + home owner

• happens when you're renovating your garden/yard together

• planting flowers/pulling weeds, laying out gravel/flat stones for the walkway, repainting the benches, hanging fairy lights

• sure she helps but she often stops just to watch you

• she cheekily asks "how will i ever repay you for your hard work?"

• when you laugh she continues with the cheesy porno lines "i have no money but i'm sure there's other ways i could show my appreciation?"

• *bats her eyelashes and unclips the top of her overalls*

• leads you to the shower to get all cleaned up

• make out in between? yes. although naked time sounds nice, she wants you to relax~

• fav dinner and fav movie and maybe a little more making out and lowkey grinding on the couch with your fav (non-kidnapper) gf

☆ alice macray ☆

the stars of your favorite movie/book

• the price of salt was a guilty pleasure book for Alice while discovering herself

• she admired and disliked parts of Carol and Therese for not only what she saw in herself but also how she wanted to be, what she wanted in her life

• it was a dream of hers to road trip with her lover like her beloved characters

• embodying Carol's class and sugar mommy energy as an almost alter ego with you makes her feel sensual, powerful...h word...

• long drives, stopping to eat in little diners, exchanging gifts, then glorious merry christmas and happy new year sex in a cute little hotel

• (all without a husband/divorce/custody battle/being stalked and recorded/a breakup!!)

☆ tammy ☆

yoga instructor

• your girlfriend always tries to get you to do yoga with her

• she'll put on an incredibly flattering sports bra and spandex set, make smoothies, and lay out two mats

• takes a very hands on approach to guiding you into proper form for each position

• turns your hips, pushes you lower, bends your legs a little farther, runs her hand down your back

• activates praise kink: "just like that" "perfect" "there you go, honey"

one shot version

jock + nerd

• starts as a couples costume reminiscent of your relationship in high school

• tammy puts her hair in a high ponytail and wears a volleyball jersey, short shorts, and knee high socks

• you wear a classic (but lowkey hot) nerd costume

• tam tam keeps up the roles as she leads you by your clip on tie to go make out in one of the spare bedrooms during Loubbie's party

☆ xandra terrell ☆

customer + bartender

• she loves when you come in on nights she's working late

• pretend you're a random customer like the other men and women fawning over her

• she makes sure to let you peek down her blouse when she leans over the counter to flirt with you

• will write dirty/flirty/sweet notes on the napkins delivered with your drinks depending on her mood

pool cleaner + housewife

• her actively trying to distract you while you tend to the pool

• she really leans into the cliches of this dynamic

• coyly asks you to apply her sunscreen

• brings you fresh lemonade

• tells you to keep quiet while she dips her hand in your shorts

• "wouldn't want the neighbors to hear, would you?"

[h3l10tr0p3]

Headcanon: Deku, the Serial Shipper

Contains- Mentions of sexual activities, established relationship - Bakudeku; Crack pairings- TodoIna, JiroMomo, UraTsuyu, UraTenya, DenkiSero, Kirimina, platonic Kiribaku etc.

(Beware- Long post)

Jesus Christ, I just had this HC and now I gotta spill, otherwise I won't be able to sleep tonight. Here's another annoying Long Post for y'all)

Deku, as a Pro Hero and Katsuki's Duo Partner, has a pretty hectic life since the media are crazy bloodhounds, the villains are a pain in the ass, interacting with fans becomes exhausting at times, and the critics are demons wailing for his blood.

Yeah, very hectic. And on top of that, there's very little time to relax. Most of the days he sneaks some solace in the gym, if he can buy more time he likes to read and immerse himself in his notebooks and research. Fighting Katsuki to blow some steam is a last resort to shed off weeks of frustration and only reserved for off-days or desperate times - because something like that inevitably devolves into gratuitous rough sex or worse, day-long fuck-a-thon. Not that Deku doesn't enjoy it, he simply doesn't have the time to indulge and he knows Kacchan doesn't either, so they try to keep their hands off each other unless the occassion begs for much-needed violent release.

But sometimes, you just want instant relief. Sometimes Deku just wants to kick back and relax like a normal person, go on the internet, without everyone hounding him for a piece of his mind.

So he does.

Under Anonymity.

Et viola @allmight9000 comes alive on several media platforms including Tumblr and Twitter. At first, Deku masquerades around as a hardcore All Might fan fighting anyone who dares to diss the retired Symbol of Peace . But since his retirement, his popularity has gone cold, not many heated debates take place around him anymore and as sad as this makes Deku, he decides to discover new venues.

Now, Deku knows there's this dark void of fanfiction lurking on the net and there's no escape from it should he ever set foot into it. He is also aware of the dark things that beckon him from the sewers like Pennywise the Dancing Clown (eg. All Might/Endeavour, Hawks/Endeavour, All Might Bowl, All Might/ Hero Harem, All Might/Midnight, All Might/Aizawa/Present Mic and so on), things he should rightfully keep a safe distance from. But this is fucking Deku we are talking about- ofcourse he dares to dip his foot into the murk of fanfiction.

For science, he thinks, and takes the plunge.

It all goes downhill from there.

One day, Katsuki comes back from his shift to find Deku face-planted into the sofa, he hasn't eaten lunch, hasn't bathed and is claiming trauma, repeatedly insisting that he has sinned and he is going to hell for it, then he shakily holds up a 367k word fic of Villain Might/Endeavour. Katsuki has to slap him back to his senses. Later that night, Deku calls up Toshinori and asks him for forgiveness, when Toshinori asks him worriedly, 'For what?', Deku assures him he DOES NOT wanna know.

After obsessively going through various tropes and completing every Enemies to Lovers / Mutual Pining / Unrequited Love fic there is (and there is a lot, Deku hates himself every day for it), waiting torturous weeks for dead authors to rise from the ashes for a teeny tiny update, Deku finally gives up his small lake of unfulfilling All Might ships (because frankly it's hard to find a fic that suits his tastes and convincingly fleshes out a love story around a man who has pointedly avoided romance for the better part of his LIFE or a find a fic which is COMPLETE) and sets out into the sea of Ships.

Bad Idea.

Very VERY Bad Idea.

(We know it, he knows it. Katsuki is the only one who is blessedly oblivious because he chooses not to wade into Deku's mental shit and compromise his own sanity.)

Strangely, Deku has come to take an odd satisfaction of returning to fan mentality of shipping two people without restraints (rarely more than two)-it's simple, senseless, easy. It gives his head a break from all the overanalyzing it does and gives him a small dose of endorphins when he cant work out, eat out or fuck out the frustration. He was adverse to it first, since these are strangers trying to ship two random people (people he is friends with), and it was unsettling to find so many people shipping them when they've BARELY had any interaction in canon real life! What's the premise of shipping them at all? He just didn't find any allure to it back then. So he kept his reads under fluff and under mature ratings because he feels uncomfortable reading smut about his friends.

But Deku had a 'Oh my God they were ROOMMATES' moment when Jirou and Momo announce that they are dating to the U.A. Alumni, that too after reading a really fluffy Creati/Earphone Jack fic which accurately referenced their public sightings together and spun it into plot-points quite masterfully. ( the author did a real good job on it) And the most horrifying thing about the fic, Deku finds, is the fact that NO ONE, not even the AUTHOR knows how correct they were in their estimates! No one except Deku.

That realization shakes the foundations of Deku's beliefs and morality as he wonders how many fics out there , sfw or smut, requited or unrequited love, enemies to lovers or lovers to strangers, fluff or smut have come so so close to the truth, been so damn close - like an alternate course of their love-story? and WHY IS NO ONE GIVING IT MORE KUDOS?

This is how Deku ends up being the most irredeemable Shipper of the universe- with a mission in hand:

To curate proof of all valid ships and to supply aforesaid proof of it to the world (as subtly as he can of course, so as to not compromise his own identity or the privacy of the Shipped.)

He begins to scour through the net for paparazzi photos, indulges in gossip, pries out information of who is dating whom from his Hero contacts, authenticates it, creates folders and subfolders of photographic 'proof' (they are just teasers really) and whenever anyone writes a fic that comes anywhere close to the real thing he makes sure to tag them in his tumblr/twitter post with photos which basically pour gasoline over their fiery passion to continue dreaming and writing fics around those Ships. Like:

You wrote a fic of Fluffy Iron Fist x Real Steel? Here you go- an obscure pic of them leaving her apartment together

Uravity x Ingenium and Uravity x Froppy? A love triangle that could possibly end in heartbreak?!! Damn, sistah, who knows? (She's confused too, imho) So here you go- Uravity getting tipsy with Froppy and Uravity snuggling to Ingenium under the rain.

One-shot of Chargebolt x Cellophane getting frisky in an alley? Honey, I gotchu. Here's a pic of them arriving at a villain scene together with dishevelled clothes.

All Might x Endeavour Slow Burn? My dear friend- here's a picture of the Symbol of peace roasting marshmallows with Shouto on flaming Endeavour merch. Please don't make me block you.

All Might x Midnight? Here's a pic of my mom, me and my Dad AllMight. Midnight, Who binch?

Celsius (Shouto) x Gale Force Stripper AU? Oh, hey, look I'm totally that one lucky guy who was in the right place at the right time, okay? I dont know these guys personally, OKAY? Not. At. All. But I have some Opinions™ about your fic? and pics to support it. Just wanna show you that maybe...i mean...MAAYYYYYYBEEEE...the stripper is Galeforce, not Celsius? Yeah? Don't worry though, You're doing good. Love the slow build, keep up the good work!

Deku becomes a sensational fic-writer-enabler and often gives inspiration to writers who are looking to write for a new fandom. Deku's got their backs.

He sinks so deep into this Shipping business that one day Katsuki catches wind of it. It was becoming painful to keep ignoring Deku's descent into madness. Katsuki was okay with it as long as the nerd did his job well and fucked him even better (which Katsuki will never admit to enjoying, even at gun point. Pull the trigger, you coward). So, yeah, Katsuki could have accepted all of Deku's weird stalkerish behaviours (even if they weren't fixated on him all the time anymore and the 'Kacchan, sugoi!' comments had plummeted drastically....who needs the shitnerd to validate his worth, right?! Right...it didn't make him pissed AT ALL. because admitting that would mean he enjoyed it, WHICH HE DID NOT, MIND YOU)

What Katsuki couldn't accept was Deku accidentally using his official Hero twitter handle to post a very platonic (but in the eyes of rabid fans- borderline homoerotic) pictures of him and Eijirou and posted it as #Ground_Riot. The fucking flood of Zeku-haters and pro-GroundRioters had the comments section on FIRE. The post goes VIRAL.

Deku, fucking DEKU, the man who is secretly ENGAGED to him, is promoting GroundRiot like NO ONE's business and HE DOESN'T EVEN KNOW WHAT HE DID WRONG.

Katsuki finds Deku happily puttering around their shared apartment completely oblivious to the PR hell that has been licking at his heels. He immediately attacks Deku's account and is completely gobsmacked. Lo and fucking behold- every fifth picture in his blog is fucking GROUND RIOT.

Not just that, apparently, THIS MAN, his fucking FIANCE, is not only a renowned peacemaker in inane Ship wars, but is hailed as a Soothsayer of Ships for always correctly prophecizing "Ships that will Sail into the fucking Sunset', he is basically some minor god in the Hero fandom who is extorting excitement out of fic writers and fans alike so that 'the crime of incomplete fics' can be eradicated once and for all. And Deku's fucking commited to it.

(perhaps more commited to Ground Riot than his own betrothal because there isn't A SINGLE POST of ZEKU on his blog)

There's even a post where he answers an ask from anonymous. The question: "Are you also anti-Zeku? I have never seen you post anything related to that ship. Is it because you think it won't Sail?" And Deku answers shortly how he isn't explicitly Anti-Zeku, but doesn't like the idea of reading fanfics of that ship. He clearly witholds his opinion if the ship will sail or not. Katsuki also finds the chat which started all this shit.

Chat-

Hey! @allmight9000. I wanted to write a GroundRiot fic? Could you give me some inspiration?

Aww, sure! It's my favourite Ship tbh. I love GroundRiot. I have a whole gigabyte of inspirations in my laptop. I'll send you some when I get back home, okay?

Yup!!! I am actually a hardcore Zeku fan. But recently my friends got me into Ground Riot and I am addicted!! But Zeku will always have a special place in my heart <3

I see. :)

Do you wanna try it out? I know you mentioned you don't like it. But I know some REALLY good fics.

No thank you ^_^ I make it a point to not read those fics. I just can't visualize it working, you know?

Oh...np. Each to their own. But I really hope one day you try reading some if you can?

I don't think so ...😅...uh...but..Any preferences for your inspiration though? or genre youre interested in?

Fluffff!!

Haha, okay! Look out for the new post on my twitter!

YASSS!! Love ya!

You too!

Katsuki sees red, he's about to flip his shit when he decides to give Deku one LAST fucking chance to explain WHY THE FUCK is he promoting Ground Riot when he should be shipping Zeku and demands of him if he really wants their Fucking Ship To Sail Or Not.

Deku gets defensive and says of course he does. Katsuki asks why he has been trying to push him onto Eijirou all this time if he wasnt serious about it. Deku doesnt want to answer. Then Katsuki gets fruatrated and asks WHY the fuck didnt he post Zeku.

"Because I don't want to support it"

"We are literally fucking engaged, you moron. What the FUCK do you mean you don't support it?!"

"I support Us, Kacchan! I just don't wanna support Zeku-shippers! Those two things are different!"

"WHy dont you wanna support them?! tHere is No Difference!"

"There is! I am not obligated to do anything for you. But if I admit to shipping Zeku out loud to the shippers, then I'm obligated to post pictures of us and I know that if I start posting that then my blog will literally be a flood of just Us all over!!"

"What is WRONG with that?!!"

"WE ARE SUPPOSED TO BE ENGAGED IN SECRET! NO ONE IS SUPPOSED TO KNOW! you said it yourself! That you don't like the useless yapping of reporters about your love-life where it isn't their business!"

"YEAH? WELL FUCK THAT!"

And Katsuki whips out his phone, takes a selfie of french kissing the hell out of Deku and immediately posts in on his twitter. Deku has hardly reeled back from that intense kiss when he realizes what Katsuki has done and he practically explodes in shame.

"Kacchan!! Our secret!"

"Your fucking fault, Deku. If I have to deal with the shitty extras at all, it better be for the right Ship, you dumbass. I'll punt you straight to China if I hear Ground Riot from your mouth ever again...capiche?"

"But I like Ground Riot...It's a valid ship, Kacchan. You cant diss on it just like that. It has wonderful scope, and the fluff in this ship is AMAZING. I think I have a soft spot for Uke!GZ and Soft!GZ now... and it is a really mutually productive ship unlike- hrmff!", Katsuki shuts him up with a smack to his mouth and sheds his shirt.

"Shut your mouth and strip, shitnerd. I'll fuck the Ground Riot out of you. Also, let's make this fucking clear that if you mention ANYTHING that goes anywhere near Eijirou's dick,ass, balls or mouth", Katsuki shivers, "then I'll wreck your dick, ass, balls and mouth. Remember that. Now STRIP"

"But what about platonically? That's a solid ship, right? Right, Kacchan? Also It doesn't mention Eijirou's- fuck!!!"

Deku gets wrecked thoroughly.

(Let's observe one moment of silence for his Shipping ass 🙏)

(r.i.p. Deku)

Katsuki later asks him why Deku doesn't read Zeku fics either, cause pretending to not like it to weasel out of obligation is fine, but it doesn't explain why he refuses fo read any either.

"A fic, especially the ones that I like, always are these perfect little stories which always have a happy ending. Can't help it, I'm weak to it, Kacchan- it's why I read fics at all, you know? For the rush of happiness and feels! It's always written with the intention that it will be perfect! And it is. But it doesn't come close to the real thing. There can be fics out there that come really close to what we really have though - but I refuse to accept that any fic could be better than the imperfectly perfect things I have with you, Kacchan. No matter what anyone insists, what I have with you is perfect to me. You are perfect to me. And that's all that matters."

Katsuki calls him an incorrigible sap and turns away to hide a violent flush that turns him red like a stop sign.

Omake:

Katsuki's #Zeku goes Viral too. But at this point no one understands what is going on or WHY. Because GZ appears to be a Zeku shipper when Deku is a GroundRiot shipper. Confusion abounds. Zac Efron memes agonize over Both ships, Captain America Japan Civil War Memes make a comeback. And for some reason, Deku keeps posting Ground Riot afterwards too and everytime he does, the next day he is seen limping.

"Did you have a hardtime with Zero-san at training yesterday?"

Before Deku can answer the one who asks him that, Eijirou comes up, winks and answers in his stead, "Very hard", and runs away to Mina's side before Deku has a shame-filled meltdown.

(The Ground Riot thing stops only when Mina and Eijirou get finally married.)