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angel-eyes05 · 2 years ago

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i remember his hands - chapter 3

PAIRING: kang the conqueror x fem!reader

SUMMARY: after a scientific experiment goes horribly wrong, you've been transported to the quantum realm and have been stuck there for the past decade. with no company, aside from janet van dyne, your life changes forever when a mysterious man in a golden ship crash lands next to your settlement. startled with his initial presence, you two have a rocky start. but as time goes on, you two find each other slowly drawn to one another. you have secrets though, and he has a past he refuses to bring up. can you two make it through navigating an unknown world together, discovering any ulterior motives, and stand the test of time in a place where time has no meaning at all?

INFO: slow romantic burn, pretty fast sexual burn, kinda enemies to lovers????, takes place during that little flashback janet has during quantumania, idk how accurate this is gonna be to canon stuff cause i get very confused about the quantum realm lol, reader is in mid to late 20s while kang is in his “early 30s” (ik he like technically doesn't age or whatever idk the lore but i just made it accurate to jonathan majors age and wanted to give an accurate age range/gap/count), y/n will be very fleshed out like im gonna give her everything lol

WARNING: explicit language, smut (minors dni), masturbation (f), oral sex (fem receiving), cum play, not a very happy ending (guys aftercare is important)

CHAPTER WORD COUNT: 2.5k

NOTES: i just wanna say thank you for all the love recently! idk if ill set a specific schedule for when ill release the chapters or not cause honestly i just work better whenever i write when i want without a time constraint so thats probably what i’ll end up doing. if you want me to write a specific one shot for kang or even another character (i feel most comfortable writing for mcu, star wars, the last of us, and stranger things, but if i know the piece of media youre talking about and feel comfortable writing about the character, im down) just lmk! also i decided at the last second this was gonna be a smuty chapter so..yeah!

PREVIOUS PART

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It had been about two weeks since you found Kang at the crash site. Despite the moment you two had when you first fixed him up, you two had very little interactions since then. It made sense though. Both of you were taking your own separate times to heal, you in your room, bedridden from your horrible headaches, him on the couch, still unable to walk due to his foot and abdomen. According to Janet, he hasn’t been very talkative. He would occasionally respond to her comments about how he was feeling, but wouldn’t say anything about where he came from or why he was here. So she just stopped asking. It took a while for you to open up to Janet about how you got here at first as well though, so you understood why he would be all shut up about it. It got you thinking about how you ended up here. How much you left behind. God you wish you got the chance to leave a note or something. At the very least, for them…

You quickly dragged yourself out of that thought, knowing the path it would lead you down led to nothing but wasted tears. It was late at night, and you laid sleepless in your bed, so it was easy to let your mind wander. To distract yourself, you replayed the moment with him in your mind. You were a little touch starved, in that way at least, so feeling Kang’s hand in that sensitive of an area drove you mad. Thinking about it would always give you the same reaction. Butterflies slowly fluttering into your stomach, roses blooming onto your cheeks, and the near uncontrollable urge to touch yourself. You know your relationship was non existent right now and had a horrible start, but sometimes you wondered what would happen if you walked over to the couch right now and started to kiss him. The only thing you ended up doing though was changing your now soaked underwear.

You always felt bad when you let yourself think like that. Poor guy was probably just looking for something to hold while he was in pain. And you were taking advantage of it. Then again, you remembered how he slowly pulled his fingers away from your thigh once you were finished stitching him up, an act that did seem very purposeful. Again though, he might have done that unconsciously. You always sent yourself into this back and forth inner dialogue with yourself about his intentions in that moment. Whether you liked it or not, during the past two weeks, you’ve only had two things on your mind: your pain, and him.

With the mix of your restless mind, the ache between your legs, and your now grumbling stomach, you decide to get out of bed and go to the kitchen to find something to eat. Also partially because you would get to see him, awake or not. To be honest, you preferred him asleep. You could just admire him from a far, without the complexities of a conversation to mess anything up. You crept into the hallway, adjusting your eyes from the dim light in your room to the rest of the house, enveloped in the darkness. Thankfully, you knew the layout of the house well, so you doubted you would trip over anything. You wandered throughout the cabin until you got past Janet’s room and into the kitchen. You didn’t realize how flawed your plan was, it just now clicking that you wouldn’t be able to see Kang in the darkness. You didn’t entirely mind though. Just knowing he’s in the same room as you put your thoughts slightly at ease.

You finally make it to the counter and put your arms out to find something. They land on a round, spiked fruit. Too scared of accidentally cutting yourself if you use a knife to peel it, you decide just to bite into it. Juice drips down from your mouth as your teeth sink into the fruit. Although the food here was no where near as good as back home, you managed to find a few gems here. The fruits were definitely one of them. Once you finish with the fruit, you use the sleeve of your loose shirt to wipe your mouth. You paced the room a bit, still kind of restless. Your eyes still haven’t entirely adjusted to the dark, but you think you have a pretty good standing of your ground. That is until you trip over the back of the couch. You brace yourself for the impact of flying over the couch and waking up everyone in the process, until you’re suddenly stopped.

It’s a hand. No, not just a hand. The hand. His hand.

Again, it stays there longer than it should have. Placed just below where your sternum meets your breasts. You could feel your heart beating faster the longer his hand stayed there. “You’re a loud chewer” Kang finally said. It was more of a deep whisper though. God you loved the sound of his voice, despite the few times you heard it. “You must be a light sleeper then” you replied in a similar tone. Despite still not being able to see his face, you could tell he was smirking. He slowly push you back up to your normal position. The trick was that he didn’t move his hand. He actually tightened his grip on your shirt. That’s when it clicked for you. He wanted it just as bad as you did.

You then placed your hand over Kang’s, rubbing deep circles just below his knuckles with your thumb. Then, he began to pull you by your shirt to the front side of the couch. You followed his hand until he stopped pulling, leaving you in the same place you were when you stitched up his shoulder. You stood there as he began to move his hand down from your sternum. The feeling of him dragging his fingers down your body at an agonizingly slow pace was enough to get your starved pussy wet. Then he got to your hips, where your loose pants rested. He then took his other hand and used both hands to drag your pants off. Once you kicked them off, he went back up to your panties, hooking his pointer finger around the sides of them and dragged those off even slower than the pants.

He then placed his hands on your bare hips, digging his thumbs into them. A slight moan escaped your lips. In response, he placed his finger over your mouth in a shushing action. “She can’t hear you.’’ You were overcome with embarrassment at the fact you were so enveloped in the thought of having sex with Kang that you forgot that Janet was only a room away. You decided now you had to be silent, however hard that would prove to be later. He put that hand back on your hip and helped you onto his chest. You placed your hands over his shirtless shoulders, being mindful of his left one. You pressed your hands deeply into them and began to massage them. Thank god your eyes had finally adjusted to the dark, because now you could see every emotion playing across his face as you sunk your hands deeper into his shoulder muscles. You moved the massage down his arms, making your way to his biceps. They were massive and tough. All you could think about was how much you wanted them around your neck. Ironic. Once you moved on from those and finally made it to his hands, you took hold of them.

You used them to help you take off your shirt and bra. After tossing your bra to the floor, you placed his hands on your breasts and began to grope them with his hands. His eyes rolled back into his head, and as soon as you could tell he was about to moan, you smashed your lips into his to capture it. You took your hands off of his to cup his jaw to fully envelop yourself in the kiss. He kept one hand on your breast while he moved the other one down and began to run circles around your clit. You softly moaned into his mouth with each rotation he made. As each second went by, the kiss became more intense. More desperate. You had no idea how long it had been since he had touched someone like this, and you knew it had been forever since you were touched like this. You two both had some desperation to your actions. Like this would be the last time either of you would experience something like this ever again. Both of you so starved of touch. You needed this so badly, and part of you knew he needed it too.

As he began to circle your clit with more ferocity, you felt the heat in your chest growing stronger. God he had just started and you were already about to come. You didn’t to yet. If you did, that meant it would be over. Lucky for you, you felt his hand pull away from your clit. He pulled away from the kiss ass well, panting. “I need you to help me up for a second” he said. You reluctantly got up, wondering if he was just going to leave you here like this. It was just now that you realized how naked you were. Sure, he didn’t have a shirt on, but you still felt much more exposed than him for some reason. You helped him up onto his feet, also now realizing exactly how much taller he was than you. Seeing him staring down at you like that. Like you had suddenly become the most important thing in the world to him. Suddenly, he turned you around and shoved you onto the couch. You sat there as he kneeled down and began too kiss your inner thighs.

He moved those strong, dry hands of his to the top of your thighs and sprayed them out against them. He dug his fingers into them as he moved his mouth from your inner thigh to your lips. Feeling his warm breath against them in the cold room sent shivers down your spine. You grabbed the top of his head for leverage as you thrust your hips into his mouth. “Look at you” he said in between kisses. “Being such a good girl and getting so wet for me. Seems like you completely forgot about the fact we were trying to kill each other two weeks ago.” It was strange to you a little. You had convinced yourself you wouldn’t be safe in the same house as Kang, and now here you were, completely naked on the couch with him eating you out.

He wasn’t doing enough though. You weren’t nearly as satisfied as you were when he was circling your clit. He had yet to stick his tongue in you, all he was doing was kissing your folds. He was just teasing you again. “P-please” you said desperately. “I-I need y-you d-deeper.” He removed his mouth from your area and moved his hand to your clit again as he talked to you to keep you stimulated. “Oh thats what you want now? Am I not doing enough for you? Because I could stop if that’s what you prefer.” “N-n-no!” you nearly shouted out. “P-please, I-I j-just wanna f-feel you.” He sat there for a moment thinking, fingers still on your clit. “P-please Kang-g.” You asked again, looking deep into his eyes. “Well, since you asked so nicely. And plus, how could I say no to someone as pretty as you. Sitting there so neat and ready for me.”

Next thing you know, he dives back in, his tongue licking all over your folds and into your pussy. Your strangled moan makes one strange noise, but he must have liked it because he moved his hands up to grab deep into your hips in response. God you could stay here for hours. Layed here sprawled out on the couch with him eating you out. You just wish you could moan and whine for you. You wanted so desperately to scream his name out into the world and let it know how much he had you under his grasp. And you knew he wanted it also. But that was part of the appeal of everything. Knowing you had to stay quite. It made it more enticing. But man you couldn’t wait until you had the cabin to yourself. When he could fuck you through your bed properly, where you could scream his name at the top of your lungs, and him with yours. For now though, you would take this. It was enough for what you needed right now.

As he moved his tongue from your folds to your swollen clit, he begins to suck on it. You felt the heat return back to your core as you itched with pleasure, a roaring tide begging to wash from your pelvis into his mouth. The heat of his breath on you, the tightening grip of his hands on your hips, his tongue fluttering over your folds and clit, the soft hums he would make after tasting you. “F-fuck K-kang. I-I-I’m gonna c-cum” you said, the words barely making it out of your mouth without being mixed with a moan. He nods slightly in approval, gliding his tongue over your folds like silk and moving on of his hands to circle your clit to help pull it out of you. Finally, you feel the wave escape your pussy. You grab a pillow near you and release all your moans and screams into as the ecstasy exits you and enters his mouth. You arch your back as he tries to swallow as much of your cum as he can. You’re blinded by the intensity of your orgasm as your thighs tense up and you can hardly move anything, except to move the noises out of your mouth.

Once you finish, Kang stays there, licking off the last of your essence off your folds and feeling your throbbing clit under his tongue. He backs away from your pussy and moves up to your mouth as he kisses you, sharing with you some of your cum. He uses your shirt to clean up his mouth and the remaining bits of cum from your folds. To your surprise though, after that, he tosses the shirt on the floor, stands up, and walks away to your room. In shock, you convince yourself he went to your room to grab you a new change of clothes. Once you hear the door close though, you snap yourself back into reality. Looking down at yourself, naked and trembling (part from the cold and part from the orgasm), embarrassment floods your body. You couldn’t believe how easy you gave yourself up for him. God you knew you were desperate, but you didn’t know you were that desperate. And there he was in the other room, sleeping in your bed. Leaving you there on the couch, laying out naked, waiting for someone to take you away like some fantasy. But there you were. Alone. And really fucking cold.

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NEXT PART

A/N: yeaaaaaaaah, i needed drama so i did that. sucks but i didnt have any other ideas sorry lol. hope you liked the chapter though! this was actually my first time writing smut so i hope i didnt do that bad. looking forward to chapter 4!!! also sorry i didnt really proofread this one either cause it was super late when i posted it so sorry

#i remember his hands #kang the conqueror x reader #kang x reader #kang the conqueror #smut #mcu smut #ant man #mcu phase 5 #mcu fanfiction #marvel mcu #quantumania #fem!reader #fanfic #fanfiction

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sungbeam · 8 months ago

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spread some love !

talk about your favourite mutuals and why you like them

hi anon! thanks for sending this in :') im always so bad at posting these things, but i can def do this one. i don't know if i would classify them specifically as favorites, but more so people i've interacted with the most 😭

@justalildumpling : i don't even need to go on besides saying that this woman is my soulmate. "in another life" but we're gonna beat the universe and meet in every life, type of connection. the girl who has seen me at my worst and has still treated me with as much kindness and compassion and care as she did the first time. i feel like in certain ways, we're kind of polar opposites, but also the same? i mean, on paper we can be so different, but when we talk abt what we like and dislike, when we laugh together, it all becomes something of the same and she restores my faith in other people again. she's the person who constantly makes me want to be a better person.

@ethereal-engene : one of my two beloved 姐姐's on this site skfnrknf but i remember talking to ash so many nights abt just any and everything. i am so happy that we're comfortable enough to be able to joke around, share our niche interests, have deep conversations, and even pen pal!! like i think it's crazy how SIMILAR our families are; we could legitimately be long lost sisters haha but also the blood of the covenant runs thicker than the water of the womb sometimes, so that makes sense. she's one of my comfort people, and honestly, i feel like we both come out of nowhere with some topics, but either person will hop right into the convo regardless and just vibe 🤧

@winterchimez : my second 姐姐 on this site !! my older sisters def take care of me well and i am so grateful for that :')) ally is always so supportive and yet so energergizing to talk to. she's def seen a lot of my brainstorming and i feel very comfortable bouncing ideas off her. she's always so generous with me too, like care packages??? RAH 😭 obviously, i love her for reasons besides the material goods, but it's a love language nonetheless. ally is prob one of the warmest and most welcoming presences on this hellsite tbh, so if ur ever looking for a new friend/mutual, she's the best.

@loveliestfelix : nana is another reason why im still around. i like to thank that beomgyu drabble every day for kickstarting our friendship because i have never met someone i have had such lengthy and fun brainstorming sessions with. nana is the type of person i would love to meet irl and just share stories over coffee with, though i feel like i always associate her with train rides and coffee now HAHA she's also one of my greatest writing inspirations, like i was and have always been blown away by her mind, and her word counts. i love calling her the queen of angst, and you will never be disappointed when reading something of hers.

@jaehunnyy : chip's been here for a really long time, like guys, no one can compete when she's been here since i had park jisung as my pfp and she had jeno as hers 😭 i think i really treasure our friendship and how much it's grown over the past two years :')) so much has happened over that time, and i think that if i met her in real life, i would just be blown away by how pretty she is like TT anyways,, i always love talking to her because of how much chaotic energy we create when we do, like i feel like we can power an entire city grid with how much chaos we make, and it's all the better for it. i love her very much, and i hope she understands just how wonderful of a person and friend she is.

@mosviqu : oh, my beloved bar, i love u to bits and pieces. i think recently you've become one of the few reasons why im still here writing and posting. like i am so utterly, from the bottom of my heart, grateful for all of your support and the love you've given and shown me. and even when we moved to dms to converse, i just realized how cool you are as a person, and how similar we are (in the best way possible). it's really nice to be able to connect with a person on multiple levels, and im really happy that was the case with us :') as soon as i saw ur love for tomorrow by chanyeol, i knew there would be something more to our friendship. i am so very fond of you, and your writing blows me away every time i read it.

@zzoguri : moni :( i hope ur doing well, friend, and i know you haven't been active here lately but i do wish you all the best. i love how passionate and committed you are to improving in writing and developing your own creative writing style, and it's so impressive to read your writing in general :') i love the confidence you advocate for yourself, and how real you are. thanks so much for being a friend; i just really appreciate all the support and hype you've given me during my time on deobiblr, like thank you for being such a thoughtful person.

@wuahae : cat and i have definitely interacted more off this site than on this site, but i felt that it was dire she was included here nonetheless. like bro, thank you for literally being the reason i come out of my apartment (or in most cases, invite people to my apartment), and for thinking of me! i think i once told you how hard it is to find friends in college, but you've made my experience here far less lonely. i love getting dinner with you, planning outings, and making weird animal noises together on the streets 😭 also, cat's writing is literally so poetic, and just her explaining to me her plot ideas tears visceral reactions out of me TT

@yunhoszn : i feel like me and fawn are low-key on the same wavelength a lot of the times, but in general, i think fawn's just such a rad person. i've told her once or twice before but i genuinely love her writing style because it has so much personality in it. it just makes reading her fics such a fun and enjoyable experience. also even off this site, i have so much fun interacting with her, like just commenting on her instagram posts like the gremlin i am, i know she's gonna hit me with the best response back skfnkejd (waiting for the day i go to where u r so u can do my makeup low-key... ur so fly, pls do my makeup...)

@goldenhypen : em, my lovely twin :')) i know our interactions have def decreased, but i don't think that's decreased the fondness we hold for one another. i remember when em first started interacting with my works and then followed me, i literally rolled off the couch cuz i started fangirling 😭 and she is one of the most genuine and brightest presences here. she is a follow forever, bro, you better follow her forever. i just adore her compassion for others and her absolutely adorable fic concepts, and omg don't even get me started on her work ethic 😭 i wished u the best everyday you had requests, i don't know how u did it. you are literally superhuman.

@hqrana : i haven't spoken with noa in quite awhile, but im guessing it's cuz she's girlbossing her way through to that nursing program 🤧 my favorite woman in stem girl in this hellsite, she is my beloved xnonie 😭 i think i just appreciate noa's undeniable presence and character so much, like she brings so much energy to my inbox whenever she's here, and her support of my ideas and fics just makes me 🙇🏻‍♀️ like thank you for being here. and to know we both love marvel and taylor swift? i feel like she has to be like,, my best friend? like she needs to be my best friend?? sending hugs and well wishes your way, always.

#sungbeam strikes again #moot ❧#lovely anon <3 #most of these people arent super active here anymore but love to them regardless

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ichirukilover · 1 year ago

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I closed the door to Bl/each after the tragedy of 6/86 and briefly opened a window to LA, because well that pair is my weakness and it made me laugh how treacherously I/R it was.

So when weeks ago I saw a beautiful I/R fanart on Tik Tok (The anime came back, so the algorithm decided it was a good idea to torture me), and the response to a comment that said "They should have ended up together "was "READ THE MANGA", I was baffled. I mean, what did that mean? had I read a fake manga all those years and the "real manga" appeared Da Vinci Code-style after 2016? Was it all a Jump conspiracy? Have we been duped all this time?

That piqued my curiosity, so I wandered around several sites, reading publications from the "correct/canon/real manga" point of view; and well, you'll see even worse things the bible says.

Here are my favorites:

"The I/H was evident from the beginning, just read chapter 0": yes, because a one-shot that is a sketch of the general idea of a manga, that goes through many revisions and rewrites is absolutely determinant in the development of the main manga, and seriously, what exactly is the evidence?

"HM arc is the ultimate proof of I/H, he went to rescue her and even came back from the dead for her": well, so did her other friends and even R/enji and R/ukia, maybe they were all in love with her too. And about the resurrection...just...never mind.

"I/H are perfect for each other" Here I could do a whole essay from a psychological point of view that proves that it is an absolute fallacy and was more than clear in the FB arc, in real life they wouldn't work and would be a toxic couple. And God knows at least that boy needs therapy.

"O***ime looks like Ma/saki" * Bombastic side eye. Criminal, offensive side eye *

"O***ime deserves I/chigo”: Oh, so he was some kind of trophy for being a good girl, so it wasn't enough to objectify her, they also do the same with the boy.

"Ru/kia was a shinigami and I/chigo was a human, and she's much older than him, their relationship was impossible." *Everything but the rain entered the chat*.

"I/H fought together against Y/wach": And we all know how well they (he) did, right?

"W/D/k/A/L/Y": *sigh* that's what it looks like when you try to fix a mess and fail miserably.

"W/D/k/A/L/Y's scribble": ...

"Anime invented IR": The studio simply pushed something that was already implicit in the original material and they knew it would sell more, it's basic marketing. Most of us knew what was filler and what wasn't (rolls eyes).

And there definitely wasn't a parallel manga that magically made sense of that ending. What a disappointment.

And I/R are the delusional and lacking in compressive reading? It's so much easier to say you just don't like people ship I/R, instead of sending them to read the manga or giving lazy arguments. Pathetic.

This was long, but I just needed to vent or something, because I honestly found the whole situation absolutely hilarious.

My English is broken, so I hope I have been understood.

PS: So in my delusional mind I/R is right now enjoying his honeymoon on the beach *wink**wink*.

Blessings.

As someone that didn't leave after the ending and has seen all these "amazing points" take form and basically became the classic "IH and pro ending dudebro agenda" list, let me tell you, I was and still am baffled too. No matter how many times I read them, I still get shocked at how some really believe that bunch of BS, or better they keep repeating it untill they'll believe it.

You adressed them in a simple but direct and straight to the point way, I don't even need to add anything to what you said, agree to all of it, wait lol well maybe I could add the the pilot chapter lit has In0ue de0d at the end of it but what do we know, that doesn't seem to matter to them lol it doesn't have to make sense smh

In our delusional mind that ichiruki honeymoon on the beach is so vivid and real... I wonder why lmao

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amysubmits · 10 months ago

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Hi Amy! I just found your blog and really wanted to talk to you if you've got time but I got nervous so here's an anon. So I'm in my very early twenties and in the last few years have been really interested and taken by the idea of d/s dynamics. I don't have a boyfriend and am not really comfortable signing up to any sites so that's not really the issue. But as I'm going on dates and stuff I do find myself looking for that character that would resemble a dominant guy. I didn't realize it but I am attracted to that energy. What I'm concerned about though is the reason...for that attraction. So I'm in drama school but we can't really afford it so I have 2 part time jobs rn. One is this modeling agency that sometimes gets me by. It doest do much in my country but once a month a few hundred if im lucky, do come in handy. The issue is that the people I'm around and the environment is very toxic. Not just in a photoshoot but mainly. I've had to shut my mouth and smile and "submit" to guys just to remain part of the project. I don't feel comfortable doing more provocative stuff so that's been an issue and my manager keeps pressuring me about it at every opportunity. The relationship w him is weird he's a nice guy in general but sometimes he's too pushy. I also had a bf in the past (the only one) we were together briefly but he ordered me around a lot, and we never talked ab any of this but he was very strict with what I wore ect. What I'm trying to say is, I've had very traumatic experiences w all these people and am really worried whether the dynamic between us pushed me to want it? Like if my desires are somehow influenced by my trauma? Have you had similar concerns? How did you realize this is what you wanted and that it is not a response to something? I hope you're comfortable answering, but if not thank you for what you're doing your page has been really informative and I've learnt a lot xxxxx

Hi there!

I would be happy for you to message me if you decide you feel comfortable at any point, but anons are okay too! It's a big part of why I leave them on, for people who feel comfortable sending asks but not asking questions or whatever on DM. :)

This worry you're sharing about wondering if your desire to be a sub or be submissive comes from your trauma is something that I think a ton of subs have considered or worried about at some point. You'll definitely get a different answer to these questions if you ask other people. In my view, this is one of those areas where the 'right' answer can vary from person to person. So, this is just my take of course.

I am trying to avoid writing an extremely long post, so if you want or need me to elaborate feel free to follow up. But in a nutshell...I think most people have "little t trauma" from childhood that caused them to adapt to try to find connection and feel safe (physically or emotionally) and loved from a SUPER young age, to the point where it's challenging to know what it even would mean for a lot of us to say X is me, but Y is my trauma. Like 50% of the population has an insecure attachment style, and that primarily develops in the first year of our lives. So then we're still babies but we're already trying to change our own behavior to feel connected to our mother or our primary care giver. When that's the case...I think it's really, really tough to know who or what you would have been without the trauma as it's baked into your personality and coping methods SO early that we can't remember anything else. And so...I guess my goal has been to try to do a combination of accepting myself while also looking as honestly as I can at who/how I am now and look to change anything that I want to change or think needs improved. And with that in mind...I couldn't begin to tell you if I'd be a sub sexually or personality wise if I didn't have trauma. I just think that's an impossible question to try to figure out. Instead, I try to look at whether what I crave is healthy. If what I want to do is healthy for me, then it's okay if it IS based in trauma. I mean, plenty of things can be caused by trauma but still be really good things. For example, I feel pretty confident that the reason I seek healthy, safe feeling communication with my partner is because I grew up with lots of yelling and conflict and meanness. But I think that desire to have healthy, loving, safe communication is a good thing so I don't feel the need to reject that desire I have, as it's good, regardless of the cause being 'negative' or sad. I've come to the conclusion that D/s and BDSM can be healthy things for me. That isn't to say that I think I could do anything I wanted and call it D/s or BDSM and have it be healthy. But I think that a lot of what I desire sexually and within my relationship is healthy, and I embrace those things. And when I find myself craving something that is less healthy, I try to avoid embracing those ideas, or avoid acting out those fantasies, or resist those behaviors. For me, one thing I have to fight against is the instinct to be extremely passive. Passive feels safe to me because of my trauma, and I can sometimes incorrectly convince myself that I am being a good sub by being passive. That isn't always true, so I have to really keep an eye on any passivity and make sure that I am truly submitting from a place of desire and choice, and not from a place of it 'feeling good' because my brain is telling me that inactivity to appease others is safe and familiar. We try to regularly re-look at the things we do and ask ourselves again if all the details of how we're managing our D/s and BDSM are healthy for both of us. We try to ask if we're reinforcing healthy ideas or unhealthy ideas. Sometimes it changes over time and we have to adjust.

With you being new and young, I'd also suggest that you try to be extremely careful with what you learn about D/s and BDSM, and triple check that it's healthy. Some people will claim that literally anything done in the name of kink is healthy as long as it's consensual. I think that is a really wild viewpoint, personally. I think consent is really the absolute bare minimum, but a lot of people will consent to things that are harmful to them emotionally, and I think that is unhealthy. Of course, what is unhealthy is extremely opinion based, and I think it also can vary a lot from person to person...something could be unhealthy for me to consent to but perfectly healthy for you to consent to if we have different life experiences, different traumas, etc. At a really basic level I'd suggest looking really closely at whether D/s and BDSM make you feel good in terms of things like...confident, loved, empowered, authentic, loved, safe, secure, etc - or if it feels outright bad, or 'good' but only in the sense that feeling bad feels somewhat good to you (this is true for some with trauma), or if it makes you feel small, inferior, used, scared, insecure, etc. And then also if/when you get into a D/s relationship look at whether the things you try seem to be inspiring positive changes and growth, or negative patterns. Maybe at first you happily agree to let your dom decide whether or when to cut your hair, but over time you realize that you feel less 'yourself' when you can't control your own hairstyle fully. If that becomes the case, then in my opinion, it would be healthier to go back to deciding your own hair.

Sorry this is so long. I hope it's helpful in some way. Good luck to you, please continue to look out for yourself! It can be a scary world out there for young subs. It sounds like you're doing a good job of trying to look out for yourself though...even in wanting to figure out what your answer to the questions you sent in this ask are. So, good work. :)

#asks #d/s

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wollfling · 1 year ago

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🎀 lolita sales post 🎀

A little mix of styles, I'll post below the cut. I'm open to offers and whatever doesn't sell I'll probably list to lacemarket? Prices in usd, I will provide photos to anyone interested! I just didn't want to go through the hassle of photographing everything. I'll state the condition and notes I have on each piece~ everything has been purchased secondhand.

I've linked lolibrary entries for sizing and release info. Feel free to make offers!!! I based my prices from quick searches on other sites, but I'm flexible. Depending on the item and country I would estimate 20-40$ shipping (im in canada)

I dont really have formal feedback for selling clothes anymore since I haven't in forever, but I do have an online shop where I sell art prints, so I have experience selling things online and whatnot.

Metamorphose Sailor Short Sleeve OP in ivory (2011) - $100

Missing bow (left photo), but still has the tie (like right photo) this dress is so lightweight and perfect for summer, I just don't like how the sleeves fit on my arms. No noticeable damage. I washed it but i havent worn it out!

Btssb Tartan Check Jacket in green (2005) - $180

No damage, only tried on by me. Another wonderful piece but too tight in the arms for me. It's soft, but polyester. I'm honestly so sad about letting this piece go I adore it, but I need to stop holding onto things I won't wear!

Btssb Ribbon Sherbet Skirt in pink (2010) - $40

Really adorable skirt, it's shorter and perfect for casual wear. You can't tell in the stock photos, but the fabric is woven with glitter! Again, washed but I haven't worn it besides trying on.

Aatp Sylvester vest (2011 or 2013) - $80

I think its the women's size, as there is so spider tag. I had forgotten and then realized upon inspecting while writing this that one of the back panel buttons had come off and I must have stored it somewhere to keep safe. I'll look for it (I know I have it somewhere lol) on the offchance I can't find it though I will discount accordingly. Worn by me and washed, there is no other noticeable damage.

Aatp Justin pants in red (2018) - $100

Only tried on by me- I'm going to keep it real with you I'm just too bottom heavy. The waist is full of room but the leg measurement (in average clothing sizing proportion) is really small. I don't understand why they would add so much extra room in the waist and not make the thighs adjustable at all. The sizing doesn't match up with the lolibrary entry, the waist can stretch up to 90cm, and is about 76cm not stretched... the inside measurement of the leg cuff is maybe 46 cm (the fabric is thick so measures 50 on the outside if that makes sense) when wearing this, the top of the waistband was floating around but made a sharp ^ down the back, these shorts will not be flattering if you have wider hips. All of that said they are really beautiful, I adore the fabric, but the lolibrary entry is very misleading!

---

I've run out room for photos in this post and need to locate the second blouse, but I have 2 white bodyline blouses and the strawberry gingham skirt I might bundle all together for idk 50$? I'll have to find them all first, but in case anyone is interested.

---

Other pieces I've been going back and forth on selling are:

victorian maiden velveteen frill bustier in wine (2002)

Metamorphose velveteen high waist ribbon jsk in red (2004) (missing detachable bust panel)

But tbh I can't come up with a reasonable price I'd be willing to sell them at. On the off chance they are someone's #1 dream items and you'd like to make an offer I am open for it but I might turn it down. I would be open to trades for similar items too though! Such as another vm bustier or old meta velveteen op/jsk of the era.

#egl sales #egl community

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pinkmoondoll9shihtzu · 2 years ago

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diiary 2/25/2023

okayyy i been needing to write a longform post for a while! just to chronicle some thoughts in a cohesive way. & getting straight to the point: i'm realizing there is very little, if ANY payoff, to being an artist online. i'm not talking about money. im talking about the way it's like, the more ppl start to see you as an "artist", the more they feel like ur some kind of public figure they can lash out at w no repercussions. ur humanity is just wiped from their minds. i don't have some huge following by any means but for ME its gotten big since in the past i've been a serial deleter. usually at 800 followers im gone.

i love being creative & sharing for the sake of sharing but i deeply fear any kind of spotlight. since i came back onto tumblr i made the pledge to myself not to delete my account if it started growing but now im having second thoughts!! well i'll never delete this account cus im too sentimental but part of me just wants to stop posting in the ways i tend to do. like maube im too forthcoming & need to slink back into the shadows a bit. because i don't want to stop contributing art & music to the world but idk how to protect my heart.

like it's so crazy to me that artists are expected to b these idealistic icons of everything the viewer represents & if they make a single mistake its like fuck we better launch a pUBLIC HARASSMENT CAMPAIGN!! genuinely like, how are people supposed to want to put themselves out there when the climate is so hostile? it has got me feelin rly nihilistic i must admit. trying to put nice stuff into the world shld not be generating drama for me, especially when it's just my hobby & not even my "career".

for a while ive had no idea what to do for work or how to generate income in a way that works for me but honestly? im gonna bite the bullet & do some coding bootcamps so i can try n get a remote job doing some tech shit & making a fat salary. i guess i never rly considerd it before cus all the silicon valley stuff susses me out but idk. im naturally really good at code + my only real dream in life is to be able to support others & redistribute wealth. like ive never had anything of my own to share but if i could actually do this & become the secure+charitable person i wish to be, i think i cld finally have some inner peace/sense of fulfillment. plus i cld still be a recluse ^_^

ok well i guess that my diary entry for now. im rly grateful to everyone on this site who is genuine & respectful towards me. i am really enjoying all my creative projects right now & i just dont want it to ever stop being fun just because the internet doesnt want it to be fun for me. i seriously wonder why artists are the number one targets right now, i mean not to get too conspiratorial but like, this is exactly what the CIA wants :/ wahtever....i have no agenda other than plur. but yeah, i might just start to distance myself more from posting anything other than my work. we'll see. just kno that i dnt want it to b this way. ilu guys

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turtlemagnum · 7 months ago

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i think my first exposure to AI art might've been this video where somebody was testing out this new, weird thing where they automatically generate a song using AI, and i couldnt help but feel that it was an indictment of the modern music scene that a goddamn computer could effortlessly and accurately replicate the generic swill that passes for popular music nowadays. didnt have a vocalist synthesized yet but those have been becoming a thing too, or so i hear.

i saw a little article about how the newer generations of gamers are turning more and more to retro games. as somebody technically belonging to the "newer generations" this felt self evident, as frankly most of the gaming i do nowadays is almost invariably in an emulator. i think that to a certain extent, most of the best mainstream games that are going to be made already have been, at least for the forseeable future of major developers with games made scientifically perfect for milking you for the most money possible rather than as an art form. im sure it's all gonna collapse in on itself eventually, from what i hear some of the older folks who lived through more than i have we've been here before. hell, pretty much anybody who cares even a bit about gaming history knows first and foremost about the gaming crash of the early 80s, mostly spurred on by the temporal equivalent of modern cheap asset flip garbage that floods most stores these days. it's hard not to feel like we're about to see a massive crash yet again, with the ones inheriting the earth being the little fellas, and of course nintendo. which, makes sense, their earliest history is of weathering shit just like this, of course they'd know when to spot enshittification and stay clear of it. i'm in no way saying that nintendo is exempt of being a shitty corporation, but i will say that from a business standpoint they're one of the only ones i know of that actually seem to understand the idea of sustainability on a broad scale. hell of a lot better than the likes of activision, thats for damn sure. but back to what i was actually trying to get at before i adhd tangent'd, i think it makes a lot of sense that when the majority of the shit being put on the market is corporatist, design by comittee, prefab trash with aggressive monetization and a consistent attitude of fixing any problems in patches, it makes a hell of a lot of sense that we'd go back to our roots. NES mario is the same as its ever been, has been for over 30 years, and will be in another 30. you dont gotta worry about them patching it to make it actually function as advertised, or patching it from being something you enjoyed into something you hate, or having fomo marketing based microtransaction bullshit. the most that's gonna change is that every now and again, nintendo will make the only version they give not have flashing lights for epileptic folks, or patch out mike tyson because he sucks and replace him with a white guy, and the white guy's less hard but thats ok because it's still pretty hard, and either way it's a good game, fun, and you can still find the original on rom sites and also probably ebay if you dont have a vpn but do have a disposable income, so dont worry about it. getting sidetracked again, ANYWAYS-

what i wanted to get at is that i wonder if we're gonna see a similar resurgence in other old kinds of media just like, in general, for the mainstream. like why watch the 22nd reboot of ghost busters when the originals are right there. king crimson's still good, why dont you listen to them instead of bemoaning how your new favs are problematic, even though i dont think fripp can reclaim the fag slur (im gay, i can it's fine). i've recently been watching fist of the north star and original dragon ball, ilike the m. there are books. lots of those, actually,. you can read em! if you have the attention span. i honestly think we might be seeing more and more of this, now that im looking out for it. like i see just like, random people mention how much they like prog rock or 1930s dracula. relatively normals talk about how they like lemon demon these days. those stupid aestheticized classic anime accounts on twitter get sososo many likes. can you tell im sleep deprived writing this? i can, and im writing thjis. im writing this SO HARD. send poast.

#turtle hall of fame

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humandisastersquad · 1 year ago

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lmao so had my job interview and the panel barely asked me anything as after they found out i dont have a drivers licence and car they basically stopped there even tho technically a car isn't inherently needed for job.

"as a grad you'll rotate and spend time at 6 sites for several weeks each" yes i know, i literally mentioned that in my cover letter as one of the reasons i wanted to work there

"it'll take too long on public transport/be too expensive to catch a taxi/uber" a) there are at least 6 sites within an hour's bus/train ride of where i live which is the outer limit of what i consider doable, especially since my prev job involved a 40min commute to work; and b) buying and maintaining a car isn't??? im pretty sure using public transport and sometimes taxis when needed (i refuse to support uber and the gig economy) is nowhere near the cost of buying a car and then having to pay for rego/fuel/repairs/insurance etc. these people have clearly not caught public transport in years if ever.

"we need staff and by that we mean mostly grads, to be able to work at a different site last minute bc we've been having so many shortages lately" wow i wonder why you're having such bad staff shortages that anyone off sick means that you have to get people from other sites to fill in. could it possibly be bc of a certain pandemic that you're definitely ignoring as you're all not wearing masks and even tried to get me to take mine off?? it sure is a fucking mystery

anyway. they said if they're still needing grad staff by december they'll let me know but honestly even tho they were initially my first choice im kinda not feeling it anymore and hope i get an offer somewhere else

#job stuff #god i fucking hate car culture

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newwwwusername · 1 year ago

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Ride the Cyclone - Noel & Saint Cassian Chamber Choir - Cleft Awareness Month Prompt 11 : Wonder

Prompt : Character A has a cleft lip (palate is optional) and is annoyed because a few people have told them to watch the movie "Wonder". They finally cave and watch it with Character B. Their thoughts, reactions, feelings, etc. are entirely up to the author Headcanons : Noel has a cleft lip and palate, Autistic!Jane (if you REALLY squint)

oceanoconnellrosenberg : Noel.

moniquegibeau : oh god what now

oceanoconnellrosenberg : So, I was 'surfing the web', as you guys say.

moniquegibeau : ew

oceanoconnellrosenberg : And I wound up on a subreddit for people with cleft lip and palate. You know, like you.

moniquegibeau : im going to jump off a bridge

bad_egg : hoo let this grl on reddit ?

oceanoconnellrosenberg : And someone mentioned a movie called 'Wonder'.

space._.jesus : Oh, that's the movie about the little boy with Treacher Collins. My parents were really excited about it and brought me to go see it cause they thought it would be relatable or something

pennylamb : Did it work?

space._.jesus : Not really. The kid was annoying

oceanoconnellrosenberg : ANYWAYS, like Ricky said, it's about a kid with Treacher Collins, which isn't the same thing as a cleft lip, of course, BUT I still think you should watch it, Noel. You might feel seen!

moniquegibeau : nope

thenicestgirlintown : Maybe you should give it a try

moniquegibeau : dont encourage her!

oceanoconnellrosenberg : Daveed Diggs was in it. Is that an incentive?

moniquegibeau : ...fine

moniquegibeau : but im pirating it idgaf

Two hours later...

moniquegibeau : i finished the movie

bad_egg : holy shit he actlly watched it !

oceanoconnellrosenberg : So, what did you think?

moniquegibeau : well, for one, congrats @space._.jesus you were right. the kid was insufferable

space._.jesus : Why was I pinged?

space._.jesus : Oh

moniquegibeau : honestly it made certain parts of the film really annoying. he was very whiney- i know he's an actual child but still

moniquegibeau : the sister's storyline was cool, i guess. i almost felt more connected to her, even if her being embarrassed over auggie was, like, icky or whatever

moniquegibeau : idk

moniquegibeau : it was fine but i dont see why it was so important for me to see it

oceanoconnellrosenberg : Oh...

bad_egg : they r not alwas gonna be winners, orphan

thenicestgirlintown : But you meant well, and that's all that matters!

space._.jesus : Idk I think that was a little weird. Noel doesn't revolve much of his identity around his cleft

moniquegibeau : right

...

pennylamb : When is choir practice tomorrow?

Do not repost on other sites! If you want to participate in this month's challenge, there are 31 cleft-centered prompts that you can find here

#fanfiction #fanfic #fanfic challenge #fanfic prompts #prompts #ride the cyclone #rtc musical #rtc #noel gruber #cleft awareness month #cleft lip and palate #cleft palate #cleft lip #wonder #wonder 2017 #texting fic #group chat

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imsleepyanon · 8 months ago

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the mood. THE MOOD. of this entire thing. insane.

ok so, here's thing about lore's writing. the way they write just tickles me, punches me, hugs me, chokes me--everything under the sun, it just fundamentally messes with me. i still need to think about this critically bc even i dont exactly know why it does, but all i know is that my cells are eating this up like its the only thing edible left on earth.

one thing i do know is that the way they space dialogue, paragraphs, etc., is smth i appreciate A LOT. i didnt realize this until i wrote for myself (im an ex-writer!!) and even while i read other fics, i found myself almost viscerally reacting to poorly spaced fics. that's a talk for another day, but i just have to say that lore has mastered AMBIENCE. atmosphere. mood. there is this flow, like the waves against the shore, that just makes SENSE. i still need to pick at this more to be able to properly verbalize it, but it for sure adds to why their writing seems so artful to me. like those paintings you'd want to hang up in your reading room.

OK SLIGHTLY RELATED, but the use of parentheses (im starting to think theres smth wrong with me bc why am i fixating on such small things) is so. natural. i think this is what i meant when i referred to "stream of consciousness-esque" things, where details are included in ways that make the entire thing scenic. it feels like a movie, reading this (all of lore's works are like this tbf). it feels like im witnessing smth, but it's almost tangible, the way it unassumingly appears. but the things said there add so much, it adjusts the hue of the writing, or maybe it increases contrast or its the color that's been balanced with those details (using illustration/art terms now LOL).

honestly reading this makes me want to read properly again. i used to breathe books, but as i got jaded and stuff happened in my life, i stopped reading. and im realizing now as i write out these thoughts, that being a reader makes me so so so happy. this is also why i probably couldnt contain the urge to make a tumblr just to harass lore, bc they reminded me that i love being a reader. it felt like biting into a dessert i forgot existed, a favorite that was left in my past.

this became oddly sentimental/emotional, but tbh writing this out is oddly therapeutic to me. i have a lot of appreciation for writers, and i think it bubbled to a point where i couldnt contain it well (like literally, wth is this post). but i think it's more than deserved, that's why comments go a long way for creative people. being in a world ruled by algorithms and numbers and engagement makes it so hard to create the things you want to, and it makes it a lot harder for works to meet the right people.

im happy i found lore, and that theyve continued to write despite the stuff happening to creative content these days. lore, if youre reading this, i hope that this mess of a ramble does even a fraction of what your writing has done for me! the small moments of excitement or happiness i get from your work, its moments like that, that allow me to breathe a little.

on a lighter note, why is it so fitting that jy calls you "dearest." SOB that man, no wonder he was my first bbygirl. i find it so fascinating lore decided to use "dearest" as opposed to "honey," which seemingly has the same meaning/undertone, but NO. IT IS SO DIFFERENT. BUT MY QUESTION IS, HOW DID THEY KNOW ???? IS THIS INTUITIVE ??? omg im going to actually talk about their characterization abilities later, it actually drives me feral. (its their blade characterization that finally broke the camels back and i literally had to comment as anon...and now here we are, off anon and i'm literally writing essays in reblogs....do tumblr users even do this? i still dont know how to use the site but i think i want to use it as like, a personal fic reading diary now. and who's to stop me? god? god cant save me now)

=========

[this. this is exactly why i used to avoid commenting on writers' stuff bc, who the hell looks at this and thinks it's normal? bc i certainly dont. but once i started writing, every little comment meant so much, ofc as long as they werent asking when the next chapter would be uploaded. funny thing, that's actually why i stopped writing myself; just got tired of it, and the constant hounding made me avoid the series i was writing for. RIPPP, and im assuming this is also why old me just left fic-life altogether.

but seeing that this is quite enjoyable for me too--yk, being able to fangirl (neutral) about writers/works that ive enjoy so much, im lowkey going to commit myself to have this reading diary of sorts. and then the writers can know that they have an unhinged anon (me) eyeing their works like its their last meal (it is)]

(a continuation of this piece)

"i was surprised that you were late today."

jing yuan says halfway through lunch. he speaks over the rim of his teacup. his lips are curled in an easy, gentle smile. his shoulders are relaxed, posture slack as he leans against his own bent leg.

he's barely touched his meal.

(you have a full bowl as well.)

"i got caught up with work." a lie. a blatant one. you're never late for lunches, and you always let jing yuan know if you even have an inkling of being a few minutes past your appointed time. you're careful about it. meticulous.

your visit to blade has made you careless. dulled you with a grief that is eating you alive.

jing yuan hums thoughtfully. you hope he won't press this. he's-- he's an unusually calm character when he wants to be. you're his lover-- dutifully, horribly reliable and loyal. he has no reason to doubt you.

(except, you'd spent the first half of the day in the shackling prison with its beau acratic hoops and horrors, all to see yingxing. to be heartbroken all over again.)

you thought it would bring you some closure. in retrospect, this was more wishful thinking. all its left you with is an hot, branding ache in your chest. a wound ripped open anew. it had already scarred over, albeit imperfectly healed.

(jing yuan never minded this. he could tell he carried things with you, he'd both told and shown you this. and truthfully, how could you not? being undying does not lend itself to happiness. it lends itself to an accumulation of sin that cannot be undone. cannot be lessened.)

"dear?" jing yuan asks, voice mirthful and sweet. "are you with me?"

"yes." you force yourself present. you hope your eyes aren't too puffy. "i am distracted. what did you say?"

"i asked you what kept you at work." jing yuan asks, so easy. so kind. "if lady fu is working you to hard, i am happy to arrange a few days off for you. is a vacation in order?"

"no, it's alright." you rush, stumble over your words. "i should've planned better is all. how is your lunch?"

jing yuan rests his chin on his palm, "i'm not very hungry today. i apologize, dearest."

"you don't need to apologize. it happens." you assure him. "i'll make you a meal tomorrow. just let me know what you're in the mood for."

"you spoil me."

"i simply treat you well." you tell him. you're grateful you're able to. that the general lets you close enough to cook for him and feed him morsels and lounge on his personal terrace in the artificial sun each day during noontime.

"you do." jing yuan says softly. reverent. he gets like this sometimes. moony and a little dumb about it. so genuine and earnest it breaks you.

(it makes your lie feel that much more sour.)

jing yuan opens his mouth to say more, but promptly redirects as yanqing arrives, swords floating around his back. he and the general talk, carouse for a moment. yanqing has had yet another day of sparring. that's good. that's nice.

(yingxing doesn't remember you. only you are burdened with this memory. will this feeling eat you alive? it's-- it feels worse than it did when you were younger. more naive. when things fell apart and you were burdened with standing by and watching the world you loved so much, with the people you loved so much fall apart. even jing yuan was away, making a name for himself. proving his worth.)

(you alone bear this.)

your chest aches.

jing yuan is at your side. you hadn't noticed him approach you so directly.

"dearest, walk with me?" jing yuan asks and offers you a hand to help you stand. yanqing is already tucking into his meal, waving goodbye.

the terrace is wide, and high above the rest of the luofu's structure. it's lush with plants. vining fruits, plump and ready to be picked curl along its railing. flowers bloom wide and bright.

(you wish you could focus on the beauty of it. how kind a place this is. how fortunate you are to have made it this far.)

"you're distracted today." jing yuan says, guiding you to a bench. his hand lays warm and firm on your shoulder. "are you sure the divination commission is giving you trouble?"

(no, the mutual past lover you both share is layers below you in the shackling prison. radiating an energy that feels astral and unholy. the kindness purged from him. yingxing really is dead, isn't he?)

"no, i promise." you give him a half-truth and a smile that you hope isn't as withered as you fear it is.

jing yuan looks pleasantly neutral. perhaps, if you were some foreign diplomatic or tourist you'd be charmed by such expression. the arbiter general of the luofu is known to be ruthless in battle with a lovely personal disposition. perhaps you'd see this moment as a reflection of that rumor.

you know, however, that in this moment jing yuan is frustrated. he will not treat you with the same firmness that he does his retainer or his subordinates, but you know the feeling is, perhaps, the same.

jing yuan doesn't like when you withhold information. he has always vocally appreciated your candor, with a sweet honesty that's disarming as it comes from a man who speaks in half-truths so frequently.

and now, you lie to him. your jaw is locked and your eyes still feel scratchy and swollen from your tears.

jing yuan begins to speak and you cut him off. grab his hand with a squeeze and pull yourself into his side.

"do you remember when you broke the first blade that yingxing made for you?" you ask.

jing yuan goes still for a moment. just a second of hesitation but you catch it. the feeling melts away as he laughs, tinged with melancholy. "i do. he was furious with me. and you had to collect new ore off-ship for a month for him to craft a replacement."

"i did." you whine with a laugh. "it was miserable. 'roid mining is awful. i was cleaning astradust from under my fingernails for weeks when i got back."

"but, you came back with the ore regardless."

"yes, and i never did again. no matter how much yingxing tried to bribe me."

"you were too busy entertaining the young lady fu to be his errand boy. i remember well."

"i probably could've made the time." you tell him. he knows this already. "i just didn't want to be away. i would've missed you both too much."

"is that why you so graciously eat with me each day?"

"i do that because i love you." you squeeze his hand. "and i enjoy your company. and want to be near you."

(you want to hold him until the last moment, however that takes shape.)

jing yuan hums. he fits you so your cheek presses against his collarbone, and his chin rests on the top of your hand. his arms wrap around your middle, squeezing and rubbing his thumbs over you. he holds you tightly to him.

"the feeling is mutual." jing yuan tells you, soft in a hushed voice only you get to hear.

you bear your weight into him. he catches you easily. holds you until yanqing calls for you both to stop being so 'gross' and to 'rate his form' on a new maneuveur he's been practicing.

jing yuan leads you once more, never fully pulling away from you. a hand on your waist, a palm over the small of your back. he puts you in his lap the moment yanqing excuses himself to flit about.

"you need to get back to the divination commission soon, don't you?" jing yuan asks, probing.

"i took the day off."

"you did, now?" jing yuan has already seen through you. this you know.

"yes." you tell him.

(you want to tell him more. you want to scream and beat the ground. perhaps you willl, later, in the privacy of your shared home.)

for now, you satiate the ache with the truth.

"i saw blade earlier. that's why i was late."

jing yuan squeezes you. it almost hurts as he curls over you.

"and?" jing yuan asks. there's a weakness in his voice that you seldom hear. "are you satisfied?"

"hardly." you tell him, turning his arms to wrap your legs around his waist. to drag him closer until your chest to chest and can hear the steady heartbeat thumping under his sternum. "i don't think i ever will be. i miss him too much. he's just gone."

"i know."

"it's awful, isn't it?"

"it simply is." jing yuan says. this is his way-- the way he has kept himself from being eaten alive by mara. you cannot be cannibalized by the thriving rot if you simply choose to let go of the awful, terrible things that would cleave another person in two. he look at the objective rationality of each situation-- this is why he is the longest-lived general. this is why he is a brilliant strategist, and a soft, grounding lover.

because, he reminds you that yingxing is dead, and any fondness you carry for the man known as blade is misplaced.

"do you not miss him?"

"of course." jing yuan kisses your temple. holds you tightly lest you plunge into the ground or float into the sky. "that does not change things though, does it?"

hope is a twisted thing, you think. in this instance, it's better to kill it. whatever mission yingxing-- no, blade has set out to complete should not concern you. there are greater crises. worse ills.

kinder realities that lay in front of you. at your feet. in your arms.

you nose into jing yuan's jaw. each shuddering breath he gives you, you savor. there's no use clinging, is there? but that doesn't mean you won't enjoy each moment you have with him. you'll be at his side until the divinations carve that that will no longer be possible. you will reminisce, however painful-- but aeons, you must refuse to let your past burden you.

so, you hold jing yuan like a lover does. cup his cheeks and kiss him until he's groaning against your lips, grinding you in his lap. he nips at your lips with a laugh as he pulls you flush to him. closer, closer, closer--

you will hold this in your cupped palms, as long as fate allows. perhaps, you both have earned that much.

#still dont know how to use tumblr #pog #is it normal to write random and long stuff in the tags like this #if its not im going to cry #and go back and edit everything #but anyway guys pls check out lore theyre cracked at writing #you want to get your heart sniped? they got you

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m1ckeyb3rry · 6 days ago

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LMAOOOOO honestly spontaneous plans are so nice sometimes but also that’s so me always ended up hanging out for longer than we intend just yapping there’s one time I think I just sat on a random bench with a friend talking for like five hours but WELCOME BACK AGAIN LMFAOO and will do…..I’ll start searching because PEARL AND ALPHA SAPPHIRE WERE MY SHIT!!! Funny you mention that because my first game was actually Pearl (I went back and played HGSS after) so it holds a very special place in my heart LOL and also I just love alpha sapphire because it also had megas but I also love kyogre LMAO (I couldn’t even finish sun I’m ngl I got bored of the trials or whatever the non-gym mechanic was oops)

I can’t even tell if it’s just my standards for raised and it’s always been like that or if it’s really is just getting worse (haven’t been on that site in like years LMAO) but wait nooooo bruh I hate how so many companies are adding like paywalls and premium restrictions like hello??? Wattpad readers especially the ones who comment are actually insane like no wonder it has the reputation it does….

LMAOO honestly I see a good enough amount of people liking him now I wouldn’t be surprised if he did blow up as you predict when s3 arrives! but SIDE CHARACTER SUPREMACY FR

NO FR HE WAS FEELING HIMSELF??? THAT POSE WAS INSANE LMAOOOO the nel additional times are actually gonna be too funny (yk they used to be based off little bonus scenes that were actually printed in the manga but we like never get those anymore??? Sad.) but UBERS AT IS JUST GONNA BE OAEU BAROU INTRO LMFAOOOOO I can see it now ok wait im also not in they cut out a LOT of scenes including isagi sleeping for an entire day THE ENTIRE CAFETERIA SCENE WHERE KARASU EATS LIKE A SKEWER AND OTOYA EATS CHERRIES and some interaction scenes before the starting members are announced im lowk so mad like I NEEDED THOSE LITTLE INTERACTIONS AND I WANTED TO SEE KARASUS SQUIRREL CHEEKS REIDJDSKDKHDH sorry im like crashing out over this but of COURSE they animated the rin isagi interaction just NOTHING ELSE DJDHDHDISDJD

LMAO real your characterizations are the best though also wdym I think your diagrams are fire you’re just kaneshiro and nomura merged into one person

FR matches the typical teenage boy energy that Id expect from him so props to them!! Also I’m crying I think because geographically Kyoto and Osaka are south of Tokyo they typically just translate it as a southern accent which is why we got the heavy Texas I’m crying though between just how he sounds plus the fact that I recognize the vas voice from other works that don’t involve and accent

I NEEEEEDD THAT ADDITIONAL TIME RIGHT. NOW. it’s literally so perfect for the premises of additional time someone PLEASEEE like Shidou would totally use the last of the hair wax and not gaf or tell anyone (which forces Karasu to go the entire day with his hair down) cmon Shidou take one for the team please…..its ok we have this out and posted on your blog it’s definitely working into the manifestation circles now….

Yeahhh I assumed it was some sort of effect like that but some panels still have me reeling a bit because of the angles LMAO someone just get isagi off the page I wish we’d see more of other matches where isagi isn’t present (assuming eventually episode nagi will get there though so manifesting??? Also hoping we get to see PxG vs mc then too?????)

LMAOAAOA the way that it’s not out of the question is the best part time skip otoya with the half troll looking hair would be hilarious

SHSHSHS YEAHH I think also for me at least I’m getting really thrown off by how vibrant his colors are tbh it’s not my favorite duo either with the like green and purple and then adding the stubble on top of that eugh also SAME LMAO Aiku got sidelined so bad I forgot he really actually did shit in the u20 match which explains all his promo too…I wonder how that’s working for the marketing team though because I remember awhile ago reading someone post about how they got like mad fun of for being an Aiku fan when they went to the bllk exhibition because no one really likes him (which is also insane like why does it matter to you what character someone else likes you aren’t even interaction with each other??? Insane but anyways)

YAYYY but also LMAOOOO ACCIDENTALLY but omg encounter with two hot guys?? This is just setting the plot imagine you run into them again somewhere somehow and turns into fwtkac Karasu and otoya (except presumably one of the dudes isn’t a cheater like otoya LMAO) glad you didn’t have to deal with anything too insane though!!!

NO LITERALLY like Kaiser fans need to get some glasses like you’re out here talking shit when your man looks like he fell into a paper shredder….? I guess that just matches the Kaiser vibes so I can’t be too surprised

LMAOO I think it is the first one focusing on chigiri more!! Also I’m ngl I don’t enjoy the song as a song either LMFAOOOOO guess we’re twinning again I think it’s just really easy to make angst edits or like animations too because of the content but musically it’s not something that would land in my playlist personally

- Karasu anon

SPONTANEOUS PLANS ARE SOOO FUN omg it was so silly we were in her apartment for sooo long the time literally changed (daylights saving #americacore) i was like wow i can’t believe it’s only 2am!! meanwhile it was actually 3am so by the time i got home to my body it was like 4ish SDFKS but it was definitely worth it we had the best time

my first game was x!! but i got alpha sapphire right after so it’s kind of in the same place in my mind…i’ve never restarted my x game because nostalgia but i’ve restarted alpha sapphire a few times!! agreed the island trials or whatever weren’t as fun as gyms for some reason so i didn’t really enjoy moon or ultra moon that much unfortunately but pearl was cool too!! definitely keep me posted hehe

i feel like i was always lowkey a hater of wattpad but back in the day i used to read on it because i had gone through everything on ao3 and i was desperate LMAOOO the last time i truly read a fic on wattpad was for attack on titan in like 2021 though now i just don’t even bother because i know what quality i can expect and i’d rather spend that time reading an actual book, writing, or (most likely) scrolling through tik tok 😩 but yeah wattpad comments are always crazy i think part of it is that after seeing so many tropey stories on the app they assume all stories will fall into those tropes and don’t bother to stop and think before commenting that maybe that’s actually not the case?? anyways

HELP i lowkey have seen a lot of people starting to like him already ngl half of them don’t deserve my kashimo fic though that one is very unhinged and odd and the plot is kinda fucked up…okay i already tell you the endings for everything i’ve written so i’ll tell you about this one as well HAHA idk how much if any of it you’ve read but basically what you need to know is that the main character’s cursed technique is that she has like. hummingbird powers?? basically if it’s related to hummingbirds or the mythology around them she can do it but only for a limited amount of time (for example at one point she runs from nyc to tokyo including over water in like 30 minutes or something due to her technique because hummingbirds are super fast) and in the present timeline she also has this sword (the sword of syrinx) which helps her focus her technique and lends her energy when she’s running low etc etc but anyways after her technique runs out of energy she enters torpor (which is based on irl hummingbirds’ torpor) where’s she’s basically in a super deep motionless sleep recovering her energy?? and she stays like that until she’s recovered her cursed technique ANYWAYS after haibara’s death and geto’s betrayal (she’s in nanami’s year) she enters a very deep depression (she compares it to a torpor settling over her whole life) because she realizes she has zero purpose in life and she thinks that there might be someone who can help her find it but she doesn’t know who

THEN the culling games start and she comes back (this is when she runs from the east coast of the us to tokyo) and meets kashimo before getting in a fight with him however for obvious reasons she’s exhausted so she eventually gives up and offers him her sword but instead of just being a form of surrender the sword makes her and kashimo remember the past?? since kashimo in this au doesn’t remember why he reincarnated or much about who he used to be…anyways so then we get thrown into the perspective of the first user of the main character’s technique who coincidentally has the same name as the main character!! and it turns out that in this past timeline she was actually selected by the hummingbird deity to be its champion and defeat its mortal enemy ten, who is the lord of the sky and storms and who no one believes in

past y/n is the strongest sorcerer of her time barring kashimo and kashimo is OBSESSED with this fact. all he wants is to fight and kill her (fairly, he’s not about to kill her in cold blood because it doesn’t prove anything) and he even threatens the big three clans (she is engaged to gojo’s ancestor) so she has to intervene and tells him that she’ll fight him just as soon as she defeats ten, which makes him be like ok i’ll help you with that!! she unlocks the vision of the hummingbird based on a story she reads in a book given to her by the man who gave her to the gojos after her parents’ death (the man is kenjaku) and is able to find ten in a dream, realizing that he resides in a domain (he’s implied to be another disaster curse kinda like jogo) and challenges him to a fight, after which she goes and finds kashimo and he takes her to his childhood “friend” because the friend (who i made up but is named daisuke) can forge the best weapons (he forged kashimo’s staff)…daisuke agrees but under the condition that y/n erases him from history completely and finds a girl that he and kashimo used to know who ran away one day and they never saw again

y/n and kashimo set off in search of the girl and we get a reveal of kashimo’s past where it’s seen that he was orphaned at a young age and saved by the gojos but instead of being taken in like y/n was he was taken to an orphanage run by a woman who absolutely hated children and was basically neglected for his entire life (this is where he met daisuke and the two became friends as well as where daisuke taught kashimo about sorcery and stuff) eventually one day daisuke and kashimo sneak out to a village using daisuke’s technique (which allows him and anyone he includes to become invisible) and there they see y/n passing by in a procession with the gojos and kashimo is IMMEDIATELY convinced that he needs to fight her and if he cannot defeat her as he is now he will become someone who can…essentially defeating her becomes his purpose for living and becoming as strong as he has

then some stuff happens and it’s revealed that before she can fight ten y/n has to defeat his twelve beasts (it’s never outright stated but the twelve beasts are the animals of the japanese zodiac!! to fit w the sky theme) so while they continue on this journey to find the girl she fights and kills a few of them…she meets kenjaku at one point and he tells her that he saved her when she was a kid in exchange for her father’s life (as in he became a reincarnated sorcerer) before telling her that he can make the same deal with her and give her what she most desires (a life without the constraints of the hummingbird and ten) she basically tells him to fuck off though and he does so but says she’ll need him eventually…anyways then she and kashimo eventually find the girl (who is none other than tullia ofc) locked in an attic and they managed to rescue her before tullia and kashimo team up to kill the lady who ran the orphanage and sold tullia to the man who hurt her ☝🏻 meanwhile y/n continues to fight more of the beasts but it’s revealed that if she doesn’t get a proper sword she’s in trouble because the amounts of cursed energy she’s using to fight the beasts cannot be handled by a normal weapon (hence why she needs one of daisuke’s swords) so they return to daisuke and he forges the sword of syrinx for her!! she fights off the rest of the beasts in succession (kashimo is in and out of the story at this point) before she defeats the final one and is granted access to ten’s domain which is a field with a massive tornado in it. she tells kashimo that she’s going to fight ten and he makes her promise to fight him afterwards which she agrees to and she tells him to find her once the domain collapses

she gets to the domain and realizes that the reason why ten’s voice always seemed to come from nowhere is because the tornado itself is ten; there’s a whole fight sequence and she’s holding her own but obviously struggling and eventually she’s on her last legs before she remembers a story that will basically put her in an eternal torpor/kill her if she uses it however it’s what she was made for — to defeat ten — so she calls on the story where the hummingbird is the sun in disguise and even though the sword of syrinx breaks in the process she manages to exorcise ten before falling into torpor. ten’s domain collapses and kashimo finds her and thinks she’s dead before realizing it’s just the torpor; using his electricity basically as a defibrillator he shocks her back awake but it’s way too late and she’s barely able to stay up; she tells him about kenjaku and tells him to reincarnate and face off against someone even stronger than her, like sukuna, and also asks him to fix the sword of syrinx for her because she can’t bear the thought of it being ruined. kashimo says he will and then asks what will happen to her; she says she isn’t sure but right before she dies she is prompted to use her technique one final time, this time in the form of the “reincarnation of the hummingbird” (as hummingbirds symbolize reincarnation) and so her heart transforms into a hummingbird and she is reincarnated

returning to the present, the current y/n realizes that all of this has transpired between her past life and kashimo, but while kashimo is still the same person, she wasn’t reborn with all of her memories and she’s actually entirely different person now, so she can’t be with him, even though she suspects that her past life was in love with kashimo despite kashimo never outright reciprocating. before the final confrontation with sukuna happens, kashimo reveals to current y/n that the reason why the sword of syrinx is so strong is that (in keeping with jjk nonsense) in order to reforge the steel, he had daisuke smelt past y/n’s body (specifically her bones) into it, making it much stronger and imbuing residuals of her technique and spirit into it (hence why it only works for her and is so helpful to her). kashimo then goes to fight sukuna as he wished and dies, whereupon y/n retrieves his body and once again reforges the sword of syrinx so that whatever is left of him can be whatever is left of her past life; once the sword is done, she takes it and leaves japan behind for good. one of the students or someone asks what she will do now and she says she will do nothing because that is what she reincarnated for — to have no purpose except finding happiness

that’s the end of y/n’s story, but then we return to the past and see kashimo meeting with kenjaku. kenjaku seems to pity kashimo and mourns y/n’s loss (mostly because now he won’t get to have her in the culling games) but before he can say anything kashimo tells him that he knows that kenjaku can give him another chance at life. kenjaku warns him that there will be stipulations, but kashimo says that he doesn’t care, because (this is the last line) “there is still someone left that he has to fight” — basically, he reincarnated for the chance to see y/n again, just because he trusted that she would somehow come back even though there was no reason for her to

LMAOOOO THAT WAS A LOT to be fair there was a lot of context needed for me to explain the ending considering only the first third of the story alone is 80k words that one is another doozy but yeah basically throughout the entire story “fighting” and “killing” are meant to represent the love that kashimo feels for y/n?? like he is genuinely MADLY in love with her but as someone who’s only ever loved fighting and feeling powerful he equates that feeling with wanting to kill her hence why he says the most INSANE things to her absolutely casually…killing her is just the only way he understands how to love her 😭 y/n is no better either there’s an entire sequence in the beginning of one of the chapters in her past life that’s describing her dreaming of “fighting kashimo” but those dreams are in fact meant to represent uhhh. sex dreams. LMAO. let me include a screenshot so you can see what i mean because it’s one of those things that makes ZERO sense until you read it

so as you can see the themes in this one are insane and weird and probably would be misinterpreted by a larger audience SKDJHF kashimo and reader are very dear to me in all their insanity because the way they love one another is unparalleled and the angst is off the charts like this story puts everything i have ever written to SHAME LMAOO long story short yeah i feel like kashimo will definitely blow up but do i want him to?? NO

BACK TO YOUR ASK anyways yeah niko’s pose was CRAZYYY bro was fr getting into it LMAOAOOA omg i need aiku to drop the “he’s italian, it’s part of his culture” line in an additional time because idc that’s canon aiku to me HAHA but noooo i saw they skipped out on that scene ik the bachira fans are pressed too because the panel of bachira eating pasta is so iconic and they skipped it?? UGH i wanted to see angry chipmunk karasu so badly too especially if they made him look all soft and cute like how he did in the first additional time 🥹

HELP nomura wishes his art was as good as my diagrams /j okay ngl as someone who once lived further south than i do rn and had a southern accent as a young child the southern accent that they use on tv is so forced and not even accurate?? like people from the south don’t sound like that SDKJHFS i think a proper southern accent would’ve sounded…better…but whatever they have got going on just feels kinda awkward imo

SHIDOU PLEASE PLEASEEE omg actually speaking of shidou i was talking to jeirin about this but i am once again fascinated by the karasu x shidou dynamic there is something so puzzling about it…like why is karasu completely unafraid of him?? not just in the additional time for s2e1 but literally all of their interactions karasu is either shit talking shidou or bossing him around (like in bm vs pxg right after kaiser scores and shidou…is being shidou…karasu literally tells shidou to stfu and listen to his plan) which is crazy enough but what’s even crazier is shidou actually listens to him??? which is very out of character for him lowkey he always beefs with people who try to tell him what to do (aka rin) but when it comes to karasu he’s just like “ok” and does it?? also shidou is known for hyping everyone up during games but he was EXTRAAA with it when karasu scored on them in third selection LMAOAOAO my conclusion is that they somehow bonded over hair wax and being basically the same exact age (shidou is like a month older or smth) and karasu is probably shidou’s only actual friend (not counting wtvr tf he has going on with sae) HAHAH now does karasu consider shidou to be HIS friend?? absolutely not…i hope we get to see more of them as a duo though they’re kinda funny together actually

LMAOOO WAIT AIKU HATE??? i was under the impression that he was one of the most popular characters huh that’s kinda odd…ig people irl and people online must differ or smth but yeah his color palette has never appealed to me much either and the stubble is much more prominent and his teeth are super defined for some reason?? idk maybe he’ll be redeemed in the u20 game but anime aiku isn’t doing it for me the way manga aiku almost did

HELPP KSJDHFS ngl given the types of things they were saying they were sadly giving more aiku and otoya than karasu and otoya i fear…hot man whores who wanted to hook up most likely 😰 OH WELL maybe i will be proven wrong who knows or maybe i’ll have my otoya bfb moment and not-fix one of them 😭 only time will tell

kaiser fans always talking the most shit as if their man doesn’t literally read psychology books to manipulate people instead of making friends LMAOOOO i once saw someone hating on nagi for being a selfish cowardly manipulator (because of the “nagireo breakup” naturally 😒) clicked on their profile and THEY WERE A MICHAEL KAISER FAN???? THEY LITERALLYYY HAD A MICHAEL KAISER THEME?????? i was like um the call is coming from inside the house my friend 😭 keep nagi’s name OUTTA YOUR MOUTH 🗣️

LMAOOO we’re just always in sync like that and okay yeah that’s what i thought!! today i only have two vids to offer that you’ve probably already seen before but WHATEVER

tabieita the sillies side note this song is so 2021/2022 nostalgic somehow??

karasu if shidou steps up to the plate for us LMAOOO SHIDOU PLS YOU’RE OUR ONLY HOPE never been a shidou stan but i’ll literally convert if he does this for us 😭🙏🏻

#answered asks

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