#honestly when i wrote this i had no idea wtf was up with byakuya doing this?

[akaluan-dark]

Shattered Eclipse Pt5

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5 | ????

((Okay, so actually the last piece of this that I have actively written, so don’t expect any more of this for... probably a while, honestly.

Warnings: not much? Beyond Uryuu being very negligent of his health. AGAIN. At least he realizes it this time?))

The moment Uryuu was left alone for more than five minutes, he crawled out of the hospital bed and stood beside it, pulling the hospital yukata more firmly closed as he did. He breathed through the moment of dizziness, until his head was once more clear and his legs stable.

This was… probably a bad idea, Uryuu acknowledged, as he made his slow way to the window and peered out of it. It seemed to be early in the day, judging by the angle of the sunlight across the walls and roofs of Seireitei, but not too early. The view also served to reinforce what a terrible idea this was; he was on at least the third story, if not the fourth, and, even if he had been on the first floor, escaping out the window was… very anime-cliche of him. Wasn’t it?

Uryuu glanced over his shoulder at the partially open door to his room. Back to the view out the window.

They would hunt him down if he escaped. Hunt him down and likely tie him to that bed. He had just enough medical knowledge to know that he was in no way recovered. But… Uryuu was tired of the stares, and the constant presence of at least one of Ichigo’s friends, all cloying-sweet and worried.

(Why were they worried about him? They were Ichigo’s friends, not his! Especially the Shinigami amongst them!)

(A bitter, furious part of his soul was certain they only pretended to care, in order to have a chance to reach Ichigo within him.)

Resolute, Uryuu slid open the window and hopped up onto the sill, one hand clutching at the frame as his body protested the action.

(*I’m going to kill myself with this shit,*) Uryuu thought blankly, as he stared down at the ground so far below him. (*I’m going to trip, and fall, and crack my idiot head open. I should go back to bed and lay back down.*)

But no voices replied to him, and while he knew this was a horrible idea, he also knew he needed to escape, even if only for a few minutes.

Uryuu reinforced himself as much as his pitifully depleted reserves would allow and gave a leap of faith, aiming for a roof a bit below and to one side. He went sprawling across the red tiles, the breath driven from his body and his limbs as shaky as a newborn foal’s, but he had made it.

It felt like an eternity before he could gather the strength to rise back to his feet and begin his shambling process across the tightly packed roofs of Seireitei. He didn’t know where he was going, didn’t have even the vaguest idea of a goal, he just… knew he needed to move. Needed to be out of that white-white room and away from the constant watch of others.

(White walls and white ceilings and a blue, blue sky with a bright-bright sun that was fake-fake-/fake/.)

(Sometimes he wondered if he could only trust the night sky to be real.)

Eventually, though, he had to stop. His limbs wouldn’t stop trembling, his bare feet protested every step he took, and his breathing was ragged. He’d long since lost the ability to reinforce his body, and all that was driving him onwards was his will and his inability to admit defeat. So when he found a small, sun-drenched nook made by the meeting of two buildings, Uryuu was quite content to curl himself into the spot and rest, tucked away and hopefully hidden.

He remained there, half-dozing and half awake, as the sun traveled across the sky. It was so peaceful in his little nook, even with the various Shinigami that he could sense wandering by. Uryuu wondered if they were ignoring him, or if his reiryoku was so depleted that he wasn’t even producing any reiatsu to be sensed.

“Ishida Uryuu.”

Uryuu started, head jerking up from where it had been resting against the wall, and he stared in mute shock at Kuchiki Byakuya. The Captain was as put together as usual, looking like the injuries he had gained in Hueco Mundo had never happened. A tiny frown crossed the man’s expression when Uryuu didn’t respond to him, and he took a small step closer.

“I do not believe you were released from the Fourth yet,” Kuchiki prompted.

Uryuu gave an awkward shrug and looked away. What was he supposed to say? He hadn’t been released, and was probably doing himself more harm by being out here instead of resting in a bed.

A tiny breath of air escaped the stoic Captain, and Uryuu turned his gaze back on Kuchiki in confusion. Had that… had that been a sigh?

“Come along then,” Kuchiki told him imperiously, turning away from Uryuu and moving towards the edge of the roof. “It will soon be afternoon, and this is no place for someone to convalesce.”

Uryuu sighed and slowly unfolded his body. Well, at least he’d managed a few hours outside of the hospital. That was something, right? He reluctantly moved to follow the other man, and grimaced down at the street the moment he came to the edge of the roof. Getting down was… going to be exciting. He could already feel that in his bones.

But before he could do more than try to gather himself to jump down, a powerful arm was around his waist and the world /blurred/. Suddenly he was on the ground, one hand gripping Kuchiki’s arm as tightly as he could (which wasn’t very), and biting back a startled sound that he /refused/ to acknowledge possibly giving voice to.

Kuchiki released him the moment Uryuu was steady once more, and began to walk away with another imperious gesture to follow.

Uryuu paused, staring at Kuchiki in confusion, then over his shoulder at what he was /sure/ was the actual direction of the hospital. Was… was the Captain not going to bring him back? Wasn’t Kuchiki /all about/ following the law to the letter? That was the impression Uryuu had gained through his short exposure to the man, but… well, maybe this was just another path through the maze that was Seireitei’s streets.

So Uryuu followed, not seeing a point in protesting. He had been caught, after all, and he really didn’t have the energy to be more rebellious than he already had been this morning. Kuchiki was even polite enough to temper his pace to one that Uryuu’s tired limbs could keep up with. Uryuu fell into a trance of simply placing one foot in front of the other, trailing along after Kuchiki like some stray animal, even if the comparison would have normally sent him into a fury.

That trance shattered the moment they came to a gate that was /definitely/ not the entrance to the Fourth Division, and Uryuu shot Kuchiki a confused look as a servant opened the door and bowed deeply to the Captain.

“See him to the gardens,” Kuchiki ordered the servant with an absent tone, as he swapped his outside shoes for softer indoor versions. He looked at Uryuu for a moment, then said, “You may rest here for the afternoon. My servants will provide you with a meal, as well.”

Uncertain of what to do with this unlooked for kindness, Uryuu just nodded and watched the man walk off down a hallway and deeper into the mansion.

“This way, please, sir,” the servant told him, gesturing for Uryuu to follow.

Feeling entirely out of his depth, Uryuu followed along, through the mansion and out another set of doors into the elaborate garden at the heart of the residence. It was surreal to take the three steps down to the smooth stone path. Surreal to think that he was here, staring at a garden straight out of the history books. A noble’s garden, full of delicate trees and even more delicate plants, all in carefully maintained beds. Even the grass looked perfectly maintained, with no blade reaching beyond a certain length.

When Uryuu glanced behind him he noticed that the servant had vanished once more, leaving him alone with a garden that made Uryuu feel like tiptoeing.

He took a breath, held it for a moment, then shook his head and made his unsteady way down the path. He needed to lay down soon, based on the way his limbs were starting to tremble again, and he just hoped there was a good place to do so. The porch was a possibility, but it was entirely shadowed and right now Uryuu wanted to be out in the sunlight.

He gave up searching for a good spot, and simply settled down on the grass next to the koi pond before his limbs gave out on him. The hospital yukata kept the grass from being prickly, the sun was pleasingly warm, and the only thing he could hear was the gentle rustle of tree leaves and the sound of moving water.

Uryuu was asleep before he realized it.

[bleachbleachbleach]

~nostalgia time~

Thinking about TBTP renewed my interest in trying to figure out what any of my thoughts and feelings were from my first go-round with Bleach, because my memory of most of my FEELINGS are non-existent. And honestly not well-documented, because the part of my fandom activity I thought was worth posting back then was fanfic, and well, I didn’t write anything for Bleach. So it’s basically like Bleach/me was never an OTP that existed. 

But, having decided that going through three years of LiveJournal posts was something that was worth my...time... this evening, I did find some things.

Not very many things, and not really what I was looking for. Which I’m now angery at my past self about, because I found a TWENTY-EIGHT POST TREATISE with three parts organized into subsections for my fave character in the fandom I was writing for at the time. I’d kill for that level of vintage Bleach content now!!! wtf self!!!! tf, the only things I wrote about my Bleach fave then/Bleach fave now is “I hope he dies” and “he was mentioned!”

Let this be my reminder to be completely obnoxious about recording every minute trivial Bleach thought I have on this Tumblr, so that in 14 years future-me can have a fossil record.

Regardless... here is everything I learned about me/Bleach, 2008-2009:

2008, simping for Ruka:

Apparently I nearly stopped watching Bleach after episode 31 because there was not enough Rukia and the only thing I wanted in the entire world was Rukia/Renji/Byakuya dynamics

2008!me @ Fake Karakura: 

“Why would bringing Karakura to Soul Society be helpful? Ichigo-ikkou basically just waltzed in a few months ago.”

me losing my absolute goddamn mind when Hinamori shows up (I wrote this post in Japanese for some reason?? why???)

“I hope Hitsugaya dies, because if anything else happens it will probably be worse.”

this extremely excellent fan art:

2009, still simping for Rukia:

“Rukia: *exists* // Me: Bleach is worth reading”

“My OT3 is fighting a loofah.” (I have no idea what this means or who the OT3 is, but given the timeframe and what manga chapters were coming out, I assume the loofah is an Arrancar and this is Rukia and... Renji? Byakuya? Ishida? ...Hanatarou?? Is Zommari the loofah????)

2009, attending the church of “low standards, easily satisfied”

“HITSUGAYA WAS IN THIS CHAPTER (well, he was mentioned verbally)”

And I found out that in three entire years of reading Bleach and recording this on LiveJournal, the only extended thoughts I offered about Bleach were about Ulquiorra and Ichigo.

Apparently had lots of thoughts about this in 2009. Apparently was also very into italics for emphasis:

His conversation splinters with Ichigo are testament to this--he no longer asks why Ichigo does the things he does, he automatically attributes it to his having a heart. And while it's possible Ulquiorra resents him for that, I think it's more a morbid, insatiable curiosity as to what those new angles entail, represent. If he resents anything it is the idea that he is missing something, simply by virtue of being what he is (as evidenced by, as Grimmjow puts it, his tendency to impale his victims where is own Hollow hole is located).

Ichigo vs. Ulquiorra reminded me why I value Ichigo as a character.

He was absolutely terrified. To be facing Ulquiorra again was a nightmare for him. I loved that KT was able to convey this by having Ichigo 'talk himself up' into fighting stance, curb his fear by recognizing the various advantages of his opponent, quietly accepting them and determining that they will not matter. He can do this. It was reminiscent of his training with Urahara immediately preceding the Soul Society Arc, where Urahara told him that he cannot fight because he does not want to be hurt, or to have others hurt. He cannot fight because he can't be hurt, or let others be hurt.

He fights because he will not let himself or others be hurt. And that is what he must remember now. The fear must die before the enemy will. Or it must be tempered to a point so that it might become his weapon--Ichigo's Hollow form, for instance. In this sense, Ichigo attempts to become Ulquiorra in order to fight Ulquiorra.

Ulquiorra resents this, and retreats back into the very same.

And whatever Ulquiorra did to Ichigo at the end, Orihime is likely capable of reversing it, if given the chance. (Ulquiorra's big mistake here--he let her watch. For someone who cannot stand to see her friends hurt, Orihime has a very powerful gift indeed.)

But I would like to see what Ichigo would become, if he died. He is no longer a human, nor even a shinigami, at this point--nor entirely a Hollow. Where would he go?

Perhaps it's the triumvirate that Ulquiorra resents more than anything; because at least he was able to relate Orihime's heart back to her humanity (and by his reasoning, her weakness). Ichigo, he doesn't understand--Ichigo, he thinks, should not exist. So he purges Ichigo's existence by eliminating him from his schema completely.