#reading back through the kind of Internet-speak that was in vogue in 2005-2009 is appalling

[bleachbleachbleach]

~nostalgia time~

Thinking about TBTP renewed my interest in trying to figure out what any of my thoughts and feelings were from my first go-round with Bleach, because my memory of most of my FEELINGS are non-existent. And honestly not well-documented, because the part of my fandom activity I thought was worth posting back then was fanfic, and well, I didn’t write anything for Bleach. So it’s basically like Bleach/me was never an OTP that existed. 

But, having decided that going through three years of LiveJournal posts was something that was worth my...time... this evening, I did find some things.

Not very many things, and not really what I was looking for. Which I’m now angery at my past self about, because I found a TWENTY-EIGHT POST TREATISE with three parts organized into subsections for my fave character in the fandom I was writing for at the time. I’d kill for that level of vintage Bleach content now!!! wtf self!!!! tf, the only things I wrote about my Bleach fave then/Bleach fave now is “I hope he dies” and “he was mentioned!”

Let this be my reminder to be completely obnoxious about recording every minute trivial Bleach thought I have on this Tumblr, so that in 14 years future-me can have a fossil record.

Regardless... here is everything I learned about me/Bleach, 2008-2009:

2008, simping for Ruka:

Apparently I nearly stopped watching Bleach after episode 31 because there was not enough Rukia and the only thing I wanted in the entire world was Rukia/Renji/Byakuya dynamics

2008!me @ Fake Karakura: 

“Why would bringing Karakura to Soul Society be helpful? Ichigo-ikkou basically just waltzed in a few months ago.”

me losing my absolute goddamn mind when Hinamori shows up (I wrote this post in Japanese for some reason?? why???)

“I hope Hitsugaya dies, because if anything else happens it will probably be worse.”

this extremely excellent fan art:

2009, still simping for Rukia:

“Rukia: *exists* // Me: Bleach is worth reading”

“My OT3 is fighting a loofah.” (I have no idea what this means or who the OT3 is, but given the timeframe and what manga chapters were coming out, I assume the loofah is an Arrancar and this is Rukia and... Renji? Byakuya? Ishida? ...Hanatarou?? Is Zommari the loofah????)

2009, attending the church of “low standards, easily satisfied”

“HITSUGAYA WAS IN THIS CHAPTER (well, he was mentioned verbally)”

And I found out that in three entire years of reading Bleach and recording this on LiveJournal, the only extended thoughts I offered about Bleach were about Ulquiorra and Ichigo.

Apparently had lots of thoughts about this in 2009. Apparently was also very into italics for emphasis:

His conversation splinters with Ichigo are testament to this--he no longer asks why Ichigo does the things he does, he automatically attributes it to his having a heart. And while it's possible Ulquiorra resents him for that, I think it's more a morbid, insatiable curiosity as to what those new angles entail, represent. If he resents anything it is the idea that he is missing something, simply by virtue of being what he is (as evidenced by, as Grimmjow puts it, his tendency to impale his victims where is own Hollow hole is located).

Ichigo vs. Ulquiorra reminded me why I value Ichigo as a character.

He was absolutely terrified. To be facing Ulquiorra again was a nightmare for him. I loved that KT was able to convey this by having Ichigo 'talk himself up' into fighting stance, curb his fear by recognizing the various advantages of his opponent, quietly accepting them and determining that they will not matter. He can do this. It was reminiscent of his training with Urahara immediately preceding the Soul Society Arc, where Urahara told him that he cannot fight because he does not want to be hurt, or to have others hurt. He cannot fight because he can't be hurt, or let others be hurt.

He fights because he will not let himself or others be hurt. And that is what he must remember now. The fear must die before the enemy will. Or it must be tempered to a point so that it might become his weapon--Ichigo's Hollow form, for instance. In this sense, Ichigo attempts to become Ulquiorra in order to fight Ulquiorra.

Ulquiorra resents this, and retreats back into the very same.

And whatever Ulquiorra did to Ichigo at the end, Orihime is likely capable of reversing it, if given the chance. (Ulquiorra's big mistake here--he let her watch. For someone who cannot stand to see her friends hurt, Orihime has a very powerful gift indeed.)

But I would like to see what Ichigo would become, if he died. He is no longer a human, nor even a shinigami, at this point--nor entirely a Hollow. Where would he go?

Perhaps it's the triumvirate that Ulquiorra resents more than anything; because at least he was able to relate Orihime's heart back to her humanity (and by his reasoning, her weakness). Ichigo, he doesn't understand--Ichigo, he thinks, should not exist. So he purges Ichigo's existence by eliminating him from his schema completely.