#honestly this whole episode is surprisingly good while still being a traditional 'very special episode' | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

tlbodine · 5 years

Text

A Plea for Some Non-Cringe Native American Representation

There’s something that has bothered me for a real long time, and I haven’t said anything because it didn’t really feel like my place to say it. But if pasty white folks across the country will insist on continuing to make these books and comics and movies, then I guess this pasty white girl can make a plea to do it better.

So. Here’s the deal. Native American representation in fiction sucks.

We’re going to talk about why, and then talk about some ways you can do it better. And it’s going to take a while, so join me under the cut.

PROBLEM #1: Erasure

The first problem with First Nations people being represented in fiction is that it, uh...doesn’t happen very often. It’s pretty rare for a show or movie or book to have a Native character, and even rarer for that character to exist without being a vehicle/mouthpiece for some kind of hamfisted message.

And, of course, Native characters who do show up in movies are sometimes played by non-Native actors, which is just. Um.

somebody fucking kill me I don’t want to live on this planet anymore.

PROBLEM #2: The Same Stock Character Over and Over and Over

There’s this weird thing where TV shows have A Very Special Native American Episode(tm) where a Native American character shows up in a storyline designed to, idk, provide a tidy outlet for the viewer’s white guilt or something. I see this a lot in superhero stories for...some reason:

Batman and Chief Screaming Eagle (ok, it was the 1960s, surely things have gotten better right? oh...) who’s butting heads with a villain over a bad contract for, uh, the chief’s ancestral lands

There was the Buffy episode “Pangs” where a Chumash vengeance spirit is the villain-of-the day after being disturbed by some construction (and this is honestly one of the better treatments of the premise, at least the episode is well-written)

There was the Smallville episode with Kyla Willowbrook, the Kawatche Skinwalker (I know, I know) who for bonus points dies tragically in Clark’s arms (I KNOW) and who was deeply concerned with...with some construction...disturbing her sacred homesite...(this is starting to sound familiar)

And then there was The Flash episode where Barry is forced to fight with the complicated-yet-tragically-evil Native American activist woman whose crimes involve stealing cultural artifacts that belong to to the museum (yes I’m screaming) and also murdering people...y’know, for vengeance and stuff.

I could keep going but I really don’t think I have to. When your only representation of a culture is a character (frequently a smoking-hot member of the opposite sex to the hero) who is an ambiguous villain who is motivated by vengeance and/or justice over having their land/cultural artifacts disturbed, and who has a valid claim but is really going about it in the wrong way and whose tragic death and/or defeat really gives the white character something complex to think about for two seconds.... well. That’s more than a little racist.

PROBLEM #3: These Are Not Your Stories to Tell

You know what white people love doing?

They love appropriating Native culture! Seriously! They love it! And who can blame them, really? Native people have so much rich symbolism and mythology and cool clothes and neat aesthetics. Painted war ponies and buckskin dresses and shapeshifters and monsters, oh my! Indian burial grounds and vengeful spirits (oh for fuck sake enough with the vengeful Indian trope)

But here’s the deal:

The mythology you’re borrowing from belongs to a group of people who are still alive and sometimes practicing the religion you’re liberally reinterpreting

There is no such thing as a “Native American” myth. You’re talking about literally hundreds of different tribes who are culturally distinct from one another and have their own complex histories of interaction, diplomacy, war, friendship, etc. with one another for centuries before white folk got here. You erase all of that when you treat Native culture as a grab-bag of cool things you can mix and match to your liking.

Maybe, just a thought, stop it with the oppression narratives about activists and/or vengeful spirits who are real threatened by white people disturbing their homes? It’s not that there isn’t a lot to unpack in that -- I mean, white people really did conduct mass genocide against a race of people, for starters -- it’s just that this isn’t really your oppression narrative to tell.

It seems to me that folks writing about Native Americans don’t actually have any idea what Native people are like? They either think of them as anachronistic figures, an extinct and ancient group, or they think of them as people really hung up on their cultural past. Because maybe people can’t think of anything to do with a Native character other than use it as a vocal mouthpiece of one very specific part of their cultural oppression.

But please. Please stop. That is every bit as stupid and racist as making a Black character who only talks about slavery, or a Jewish character who only talks about the Holocaust, or giving all of your gay characters AIDS.

So what do you do instead?

Writing Native Characters in a Way That Does Not Suck - A Quick Primer

I can’t write a definitive guide on writing good Native representation, because there is no such guide, and if there were it would take a whole book probably, and I am not in any way even remotely an authority.

But I can give you some pointers that will help you.

(And to be honest, Native representation is so awful that the bar here is really super low, even just attempting a tiny bit is a really welcome breath of fresh air)

Choose a Tribe

Step one: Figure out what kind of Native people you’re writing about.

Because, as previously noted, Native People Are Not A Monoculture.

How do you pick a tribe? Well, start with geography. Where do you want the story to take place? Obviously people move around, so you can find folks outside of their ancestral lands, but they all started someplace, and a lot of people live where their parents and grandparents and cousins all live.

So where does your story take place? Pick a spot. Then find out what tribes live in that region. It’s not a secret. There are maps:

(Source: http://www.emersonkent.com/map_archive/native_american_tribes_map.htm)

Or maybe you want to go about this in a different way. Maybe you have a specific story idea in mind and you want to write it in a way that would be accurate and respectful. Cool! A good first step on that is to figure out what tribe actually does the thing you’re wanting to write about.

Skinwalkers, for example, originate in the Navajo Nation (Dine` people), although there are related myths from surrounding tribes in the area.

If you’re writing a story about Wendigo, then you should know those myths originate with the Algonquin people of Quebec and Ontario.

If you’re writing something with spiritually significant buffalo, you should probably choose a culture that actually interacted with buffalo -- ie, a Plains Indian tribe like the Lakota-Sioux people.

And so on and so forth.

(Note that this is only the first step. You still have to do a lot of research after this to be sure you’re doing everything properly and respectfully. And, y’know, maybe reconsider if you actually want to tell a story respecting that mythology, or if you just want to sound cool and exotic)

Also, personal preference: Please don’t make your characters Cherokee if you’re just going for “character with Native ancestry.” Please choose a different tribe. For a lot of complicated (and sometimes surprisingly racist) reasons, white people have been claiming Cherokee heritage for a long time, and even when it’s true, it feels cheap and cringey in fiction. If you want to tell a story about the Trail of Tears or something set in Tahlequa, Oklahoma, great! Write Cherokee characters! But if you just want a Native American character for other reasons...pick a different tribe.

Choose a Name

Fun fact: Modern Native people that you meet out on the street don’t have names like “Stands With Fists” or “Running Bear.”

If you have an impulse to name your character any kind of descriptive “adjective + animal” name...just don’t. Please. And don’t go to BehindTheName or some other random site to pick out something that “sounds” Native.

Names in other cultures are tricky. Some (but not all!) Native people may have a cultural tradition of having multiple names, including naming ceremonies (often as a rite of passage in adolescence). Some tribes have clan names. Everybody’s different. But these special names are culturally sensitive, often sacred, and are not a thing readily accessible to white people. White folks spent centuries trying to wipe out Indigenous people’s belief systems; they deserve to have some things kept private and sacred.

So what I’m getting at here is that white writers really, really should not touch on the “Indian naming ceremony” trope at all if they can help it, because it’s gonna be real hard to get the details right, and getting the details wrong is going to make you sound like an ignorant racist. And most of the time, it’s not really that important to a story.

Most contemporary Native people have regular English names. They may also have tribal names and clan names (that they may or may not share with outsiders). But lots of tribal members don’t, and that doesn’t make them any less Native.

My recommendation for naming your Native characters? Find real people from the time period, tribe, and region you’re writing in. Find a phone book or newspaper from a town on or near a reservation for your chosen tribe. Look at names of participants in powwows. Look at the sports rosters for Native schools. Look at historical records like census data from the year you’re writing about. Don’t just make things up.

** One Note: You know how “black” names are a thing? You encounter a similar sort of thing in some contemporary Native Americans. I grew up with a lot of kids who had “weird” names like Kirby, Sheriden, Baskerville, Sterling and Precious. (and by “weird” I mean “names middle-class white people don’t tend to use”). There’s also a lot of black-sounding names in Native populations. There’s some complex reasons behind this, and a lot of sociology of naming, and I won’t spend too much time on it right now but just...so you know. It’s a thing.

Write a Human Being

This really is the biggest thing, and it’s true of every writing you do, all the time, no matter what: Write a real person and not a caricature.

Native people are people first. Their cultural heritage affects them the way anyone else’s culture does. The things they eat, wear, do, believe, the stories they know, etc. are all affected. But Native people don’t have a responsibility to be walking representatives of their tribes. And they definitely shouldn’t be a vessel for white guilt.

(Fun fact: “Iron Eyes Cody,” maybe best known for the “Crying Indian” role in a commercial about pollution, was an Italian-American born Espera Oscar de Corti)

Here’s a really, really good article I found while working on this rant that might be of interest to you as wellas you set out on this quest: https://mashable.com/2015/03/24/american-indians-tv/

I still have so much to say on this topic, and maybe I’ll write more in the future, but this is already very long so I’ll stop. I hope this has been at least a little bit helpful for y’all. Go forth and write non-terrible characters, I beg of you.

*Disclaimer: I am not a Native person and do not claim any special knowledge or ownership of Native culture, and I beg you to please listen to Native voices when possible in your creative endeavors. I’m just a gal who happened to have spent most of my life living near reservations and growing up around Native people and having Native friends and being taught about historical cultures by my mother who has a degree in Southwest Studies and has done a lot of formal and informal research due to her own interests in the topic.

If you found this article helpful at all, please consider dropping a tip in my tip jar.

I also have a book coming out! You can pre-order it now! It features a main character of mixed heritage, New Mexico reservation border towns, and zombies trying to get by like everybody else.

Pre-Order now on B&N: https://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/river-of-souls-t-l-bodine/1131956124

Or on Amazon: https://www.amazon.com/River-Souls-T-L-Bodine/dp/1950305015

Or from the publisher: http://journalstone.com/bookstore/river-of-souls/?fbclid=IwAR14Qna5tMgWBV0We2uGSLreBkmyvZ5SoDAzPQpTKeFn4JR4PWSyKGl0VEo

Or add it to your Goodreads library: https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/46183381-river-of-souls

#how to write #writing advice #native americans #cultural appropriation #representation #long post #but please do read it #I worked on this all day

449 notes · View notes

rebelsofshield · 5 years

Text

Star Wars: The Clone Wars: “Unfinished Business” -Review

Echo and the Bad Batch take the fight to the Separatists in the finale to the first arc of The Clone Wars’ final season.

(Review contains episode spoilers)

youtube

With Echo recovered and the Techno Union’s assistance of the Separatist war machine thwarted, the Republic prepares for a decisive action to finally retake the planet of Anaxes. Echo hatches a plan of his own to infiltrate Admiral Trench’s ship and sabotage Separatist forces from within. As Obi-Wan and Mace Windu lead the ground assault, Anakin, Rex, The Bad Batch, and Echo gamble for the future of the Republic.

In traditional Clone Wars fashion, we close out “The Bad Batch” storyline with an explosive battle, a villain slain, and lessons learned. If the goal of Dave Filoni and the storytelling team was to showcase one final story that feels like a classic arc of the series they certainly succeeded. For better and for worse, “The Bad Batch” is The Clone Wars as usual with all of its clanker blasting glory.

Director Brian Kalin O’Connell is one of the most accomplished project leaders in the history of this series. With such stand outs as “Landing at Point Rain,” “Voyage of Temptation,” and “The Lawless” under his belt, there are few episodic directors that are as talented and dynamic as him with the ability to juggle intimate character and knockout set pieces. “Unfinished Business” crams a lot of plot and a whole boatload of actions into twenty five minutes and almost all of it is pretty great. From the opening assault on the droid fortress on Anaxes to the desperate infiltration and escape from Trench’s flagship, “Unfinished Business” moves at a steady and quick pace and frequently stuns with some of its set pieces. Mace Windu and Obi-Wan descending from the heavens to battle the droid forces and Crosshair’s ricochet hallway attack are standouts.

It’s a nice change of pace from last week’s previous action heavy episode. The battles and shootouts feels more consequential partially due to the fact that there is much more on the line. Sure, we know that the gigantic bomb hidden on Anaxes isn’t going to kill Mace Windu or Obi-Wan and we are even mostly sure that the Bad Batch are going to get out okay, but O’Connell keeps the stakes so consistently high and interconnected that it’s hard not to feel invested.

Where “Unfinished Business” struggles though, and honestly where “The Bad Batch” has stumbled this whole arc, is on character. The first two episodes of this story succeeded in highlighting Rex’s recklessness in relation to Anakin and seemed poised to tell a simple but welcome story about accepting diversity within one’s own community. After Echo’s rescue, the spotlight on Rex has more or less disappeared. The Bad Batch and Echo take center stage now and while there is a rather nice ending moment, writers Brent Friedmand and Matt Michnovetz still struggle in giving this group of characters much to lean on.

The sad truth is The Bad Batch never really evolve past being archetypes. Crosshairs is the cold stoic type. Tech is the nerdy one. Wrecker is the loud boisterous brute. Hunter is…uh…the leader? They make for a fun group as a whole, but I can’t help but feel that outside of their action moments, which peaked in this arc’s first episode, we have yet to see what makes this group of characters special. For a series that added so much depth to the clone army, these are the first brothers in a while that feel like overblown action figures. They are undeniably fun toys to see the creative team play with, but they never evolve past just being that.

The heart of “Unfinished Business” is undeniably Echo. While I was definitely frustrated that his recovery from trauma proved so easy last episode and that certainly continues here, The Clone Wars positions Echo in a surprisingly uplifting narrative. Sure, any worries that he may be something of a sleeper agent feel very much like an afterthought that we are never really given any reason to put much stake in, but the unexpectedly supportive direction Echo’s arc develops in is certainly welcome. I may be reading too much into this but I have many friends and loved ones that have had their lives and bodies altered through military service, chronic medical conditions, accidents, and more. It’s nice to see Echo repositioned as a character that is differently abled but proves heroic and capable in his own right. His brothers never treat him differently due to his prosthetics or cybernetics and his contributions to the team are invaluable to their success. It feels like a far cry from a disabled character like 99 who almost felt like he was punished for wanting to contribute. When Echo decides that he has a home in the Bad Batch it feels less like he’s being ostracized to the group of “different” clones but rather that he is choosing a role for himself where he feels accepted and welcomed. Rex’s loving support, and perhaps most emotionally, his personal disappointment adds a nice close to it all. Rex fought so hard to see his friend rescued, but knows that the right thing for his future is to let him move on into the next stage of his life. There’s a sweetness to this moment that I’m sure clone fans are going to eat up.

Also, thank goodness Anakin stabbed Trench to death. Damn bug has been avoided squishing for a little too long.

“Unfinished Business” may not surprise in its scripting, but what it does well it does so with explosive energy and heart. It’s filled with great action moments and is tied together with a surprisingly inclusive episode about trust and acceptance. It is certainly not one of the best arcs The Clone Wars has ever produced but it’s a fun reminder of the sort of adventure that Dave Filoni and crew would take us on regularly. Next week we head into uncharted territory and finally get to check in on everyone’s favorite Togruta. I’m more than a little excited.

Score: B

#star wars #Star Wars: The Clone Wars #The Clone Wars #Clone Wars #The Bad Batch #review #reviews

12 notes · View notes

joyofcrime-elinorhigh · 5 years

Text

2017 Year in REVIEW: Part 2

Hello everybody, my name is JoyofCrimeArt and welcome to the final week of Deviant-cember! It's been fun ride, but it's time to wrap up 2017. And I'm doing by going over all the major animated series/animation related news that came out this year, ranking the shows from best to worse, and deciding which animation network "won" the year. If you haven't seen part one yet I suggest you check it out before continuing this part, 2017 Year in REVIEW: Part 1 But for those of you who have seen the first part, let's just jump back into things. Teen Titans Go! had another miniseries this year as a follow up to Island Adventures. This time, based off the episode "40% 40% 20%." one of the most popular episodes of the series. And to celebrate this event Cartoon Network decided to have a marathon airing nothing but Teen Titans Go! and the newly premiered O.K. For an entire week! I'm starting to feel numb to this. This is the "Night Begins To Shine" Miniseries, how was it?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NGIe8d9w8O4

Now before I get into this, I do feel like I need to briefly go over my opinion on the episode "40% 40% 20%" since that's the episode that this miniseries is directly based on. And my opinion on it is pretty much the same as everybody else's. The episode is great, and shows that Teen Titans Go! can be genuinely good when it wants to be. The episode featured a stylish art style, a story that focused on abstract visual storytelling, and a really catchy song. The episode isn't without it's faults, but it is one of the best Teen Titans Go! episodes, in my opinion. So how did this sequel do? Well let's start with the positives. The visuals in the music word are still really good, capturing the 80's aesthetic perfectly. It honestly reminds me a lot of Moonbeam City. Anybody remember Moonbeam City? No, oh. Okay... The covers of the song "Night Begins to Shine" by Fall Out Boys, CeeLo Green, and Puffy Ami Yumi were also neat to hear. Especially Puffy Ami Yumi, it was a nice throw back to the old show having them preform. However, I do wish that more time where devoted to these covers. However, the special does have it's fault. One problem, surprisingly, is that the special focuses too much on story. Complex stories are not Teen Titans Go's! strong suit. Part of the reason why "40% 40% 20%" worked so well was because of it's simplicity. It focused less on story and more on visuals and atmosphere. But by trying to stretch the story out to an hour, and giving the music world this whole backstory it takes away that simplicity. Also we spend a lot of time in the real world, away from the psychedelic visuals that we all came for. And while "Night Begin's To Shine," plus the new song they make are both extremely catchy, they aren't enough to fill up an entire hour. And since all the covers are all shoved in at the end, the song kinda get's old after a while. And visually they don't really do much new with the music world that wasn't done in the first episode. However, I don't want to be to hard on the episode, because unlike a lot of other episodes, you can really feel the passion that went into it. It feels like the people behind TTG were really trying to make something epic. And while I don't think it entirely works one hundred percent of the time, I do give them an A for effort. The special is better than Island Adventure from a technical standpoint, but it doesn't have the "so bad it's good" element that Island Adventure had. So it's kinda up to you're own personal preference to figure out which mini-series is more enjoyable. But that's not all CN did, as like I said before, It wasn't just a Teen Titans Go! marathon, but also a marathon for there new show "OK KO: Let's Be Heroes."

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xWyHZQARrnM

OK KO: Let's Be Heroes, created by Ian Jones-Quartey, follows the adventures of KO, a young optimistic kid who work's at a mall plaza. The twist however being that it's set in a world with the rules and logic of a shonen anime or a beat-em-up video game, and by working at the plaza he'll be able to fulfill his dream of becoming a hero. Already the show has a lot of promise with it's premise alone, but how does it succeed in terms of execution? Let's start with the characters. They're all pretty good for the most part. KO is a very likable character very reminiscent of the young hot blooded shonen protagonist that he is inspired by. Enid works well as the straight woman- But not to straight, ammiright!? Up top!

Oh man, we got ourselves a sad lonely lesbian up in in this hiz-ous! Quick, Somebody give this show an Emmy! Also I'd like to give special mention to Lord Boxman and his robot children, who are my personal favorite characters. Imagine Megaman's Dr. Willy and his robot masters crossed with Team Rocket from the Pokemon anime. The only character who I'm not super crazy about is Rad. He's not awful or anything, but his obnoxious personality can definitely become overbearing at points. Also his entire character arc is pretty much just Lars' character arc from Steven Universe, only not as well done. But he doesn't ruin the show for me or anything. The animation for the show is kinda hit or miss. The show has a very sketchy art style that people seem to either love or hate. Personally, it's not really something I gravitate to. Though I do admire that it has an art style that looks different from the traditional "CN" art style that we've seen so much of the last couple of years and also do like how it has a kinda "middle school doodle" aesthetic to it. It's not a bad art style, just not really my thing. However, what is a bigger problem is the consistency of the characters designs. And thus we enter the online debate that's been haunting the animation community have been having since Ren and Stimpy came out in the nineties. Is off model animation ugly or expressive? I feel like it can work in some cases, but I don't think it works here. Characters look off model so much that it just comes off as sloppy. Which is a shame because if we're talking just about the actual movement this has some of the most fluid animation that I've seen in any Cartoon Network series. I also have a bit of the problem with the writing. I don't know what tone this show is trying to go for. Half the time it seems like it's trying to be this super silly cartoon while the other half of the time it tries to be a serious lore show and it doesn't gel well. The comedic elements mix well with the lore, like having the big season one mystery revolve around a falling sandwich. I just couldn't find myself caring about it all. Also the shows main evil shadowy figure pulling the strings name is Shadowy Figure. I'm sorry I can't take this villain seriously. Coupled with some episodes with some really hammered in morals and a odd amount of gimmicky episodes, the show ends up feeling like a jumble of interesting yet disconnected ideas without any clear cohesion. But is the show bad? No. What I think saves the show is the characters. They are genuinely likable and I like just seeing how they interact with each other. It's defiantly an improvement over there last couple of shows (Ben 10, Mighty Magiswords, Powerpuff Girls,) but I don't think it lives up to some of there other modern classics (Like Steven Universe, Adventure Time, or We Bare Bears.) OK KO is Okay...KO. The unwatch button is down there. I completely understand. Meanwhile Disney decided to get into the reboot game with Ducktales 2017. And can i just say that I genuinely think that if they didn't use the old theme song everybody would hate this show. Like they could keep everything else the exact same, but if they cut the theme song down to say thirty seconds like most cartoons now of days people would hate this as much as they hate the Powerpuff Girls reboot.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YKSU82afy1w

Well the show doesn't have any of the original voice actor and the creator's different, so the show must be awful right guys? Okay cool, done. Next show- No, obviously I'm kidding. Let's talk about Ducktales 2017. No need to spend to much time on the plot, cause it's Ducktales. You all know the story. Three trouble making young ducks move in with there rich adventure loving Uncle Scrooge, and shenanigans ensue. They solve mysteries, rewrite histories ect. Disney hyped this show to hell, and even aired the hour long series premiere TWENTY FOUR TIMES IN A ROW! I really wanna know, was there anybody who watched ALL twenty four showings back to back to back? I mean someone must of, right? Now I don't know much about Ducktales. It was WAY before my time, though from what I can gather this is a pretty good series in terms of it being a reboot. It isn't just adapting the old show. It's combining elements of the old show, the comics, and new ideas and that's honestly the best way to go about a reboot in my personal opinion. I'm glad they just make it a rehash with all the still living cast members returning, and a ton of wink and nod references to the old show that new fans won't understand. I give the show a lot of props for that. I also want to praise the shows beautiful art style. I love how it looks like a comic book, not only calling back the series roots, but also giving it a unique visual identity. The show is also really funny, having a very clever wit mixed with a very comically exaggerated world. The world feels very comic book-y and has a real sense of fun to it. It's cool seeing all the creative shrines and temples that exist in this world, just waiting to be explored. The characters range in quality, though that may not be the shows fault as episodes are being aired out of order, and as such the amount of attention given to each cast member is not equal. But I won't hold that against the show. However, the show is far from perfect. It suffers a bit from what I call Milo's Murphy's Law syndrome. As in, the show is great on it's own but is so similar to what came before that it takes away some of the enjoyment. "But JoyofCrimeArt" I hear you saying "I thought you said that this show wasn't rehashing the original Ducktales cartoon." And it's not. It's rehashing Gravity Falls. Okay, maybe "rehash" is a strong word, but It's hard to not notice the similarities. I don't know if this show is borrowing from Gravity Falls or if Gravity Falls was actually just a ripping off the original Ducktales and it just took me five years to realize it, but just take a look at the similarities.

We got a group of tween age twins/triplets-

-who move in with there miserly jerk with a heart of gold great uncle.

And a socially awkward spunky girl with a grappling hook-

-Who are trying to solve a mystery involving a missing personal. All without letting the miserly uncle know what's going on.

With the miserly uncles dim witted older assistant-

-and a cool "older sister" like role model along for the ride.

With an antagonist who is a rival businessmen to the miserly uncle. Seriously, it's pretty blatant. And to be fair it's not an exact rip-off or anything. Some things are executed differently. The world and comedy of Ducktales is definitely a lot more cartoon-y and over the top than Gravity Falls. And there are elements in one but not the other for sure. But there are definite parallels, and judging by the marketing Disney is doing for this show it seems pretty clear that they want this to be their "new Gravity Falls." It's not that the show is bad per say, but it's hard for me to not compare it to Gravity Falls, and I'm sorry but Gravity Falls is definitely the better of the two series. In fact you could say that this show is basically...

Also can I just say that I don't give a crap about this shows lore. Like, at all. They try to do the big overarching mystery thing and I am just not invested at all. I like shows with lore, I really do, but this is far from a new concept at this point and if you're going to do it now you got to add something new to it But this is just the same beats. And I could be wrong, but I feel like I know exactly where it's going. Without going into to many specifics there's a character who mysteriously disappeared, and it looks like they did something really bad before disappearing. But I know their's going to be some explanation given to make their actions justifiable because I know they wouldn't make this character a bad guy. Their's another character who their playing up as working for the villain, but I know their going to give this character a redemption arc because that's what all lore shows like this do. Their doing that thing where they're solving this mystery but they don't want anybody to know about it, without any real reason why other than just the "we can't trust anybody" crap. Character's keep secrets from each other just so there can be more mystery. These tropes were new and innovated when shows like Gravity Falls and Steven Universe came out.. but that was a while ago and we've had a lot of mystery shows since then we've seen all these story beats in those shows, and nothing new is brought to the table. So yeah, I can't say that I love this show as much as most people. But that doesn't mean I hate it. Their are things I do really like about it. Like the humor, the cartoon-y atmosphere and the art style. But it is a shame when the mystery, the thing that's suppose to be the most enticing, ends up being the shows weakest element. I think if this show came out a couple years ago. before so may cartoons followed this kind of formula, I would of liked it a lot better. But hey, at least it's better than Marvel's Spider-Man. Ha-ha! Segway!

Yeah...this show doesn't really have a theme song... Now it's hard to talk about Marvel's Spider-Man without talking about the previous Disney XD Spider-Man series, Ultimate Spider-Man. I only watched a little over one season of USM before I dropped the series because honestly, it wasn't very good in my opinion. The whole show felt like it was made by a committee featuring dumbed down writing, obvious cross promotion to other Marvel properties, and a Spider-Man who came across less like a nerdy genius and more like an arrogant buffoon. So when this series was announced, with official press statements referring to it to a "back to basics" approach to the franchise, I was hopeful. How did the show turn out? Well...it's better than Ultimate. I think.... Honestly it seems odd that they cancelled Ultimate Spider-Man for this because the series feels like it has most of the problems that Ultimate Spider-Man had. Just slightly less so. The writing still feels dumbed down, but slightly less dumbed down. The series is less focused on cross promotion and mostly features Spider-Man characters, which is a plus as I though that Ultimate Spider-Man was a bit too "Marvel Universe Centrict." But that still hasn't stopped the show from already having an episode where Spider-Man meets Iron Man, and another episode where he meets the Hulk. IN THE FIRST FOURTEEN EPISODES. This version of Spider-Man is more of a nerd which is good, but they messed it up by going in the opposite direction by making him TOO MUCH of a nerd, with him constantly talking about how awesome science is at every possible opportunity. Also the animation of this show is really bad. Nothing is shaded properly, and it's very distracting. The only thing that I really like about this show is Norman Osborn. He's voiced by Josh Keaton, who played Spider-Man in the Spectacular Spider-Man and I was shocked to see how well is was able to pull off such an opposite character. He's just as petty and cartoonishly conniving as Norman Osborn should be. But other than that, the show doesn't have much to offer. It's clearly made for really little kids, and their isn't really much for adults. It's that bland kind of bad, where it feels like there just wasn't much passion put into this. I'm sure that's not true but that's how it feels. Speaking of reboots of 80's properties, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2012 aired it's final episode after five seasons and over one hundred episodes. Now like I said in part one, I've only seen the first two seasons of this show, so I don't know how good the last three seasons where, but I'm glad that the show got a good run. From what I saw, it was a pretty great show. However what does annoy me is that Nickelodeon moved it to Nicktoons with only TEN EPISODES LEFT! Like really Nick? You couldn't just air the last ten? Meanwhile at Netflix, not satisfied with just one anime-esq cartoon project they decided to make another. This is...(sigh) This is Neo Yokio. Or, another installment in my side series series, (Oh, the Cringe!)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dLNRZ_1WyzM

Neo Yokio, created by Ezra Koenig and starring Jaden Smith was a show that was originally pitched to the Fox ADHD block, but ended up in a state of development limbo after said block got canned. But someone at Netflix decided that this show was something that the world desperately needed and decided to pick it up themselves. The series stars Kaz Kaan, the most popular bachelor in the entire city of Neo Yokio. He's you're average millionaire celebrity dealing with all the first world problems that a millionaire celebrity have to deal with. But he's also a demon hunter...and..and...and... Jaden Smith is younger than I am. How come he has his own anime?! I want my own anime! Come on Netflix, pick up "Average Spirit Warrior" please! This show is odd. Not just odd, it's an odd kind of odd that's hard to explain. I don't know what this show wants to be, and so I don't know how to judge it. Sometimes it seems like it's trying to be an action show. Other times it seems like it's trying to be a straight forward comedy. OTHER other times it seems like it's trying to be parody of anime. And other other OTHER times it feels like it's trying to be a serious show about social issues like the wealth gap and the gender spectrum?! Is there just some rule in the Netflix contracts that says that every Netflix show has to tackle gender identity, regardless of it it fits the series or not? Is that why Bill Nye's show had a rap about a vagina? Is that why? It has a real adult swim vibe, like they bought the rights to some obscure early 2000's anime and decided to make there own dub. The animation even has the quality to it to, with lots of really bad lip syncing. The show's art is also not that great, looking like it's ten years older than it actually is. The show varies in quality from so bad it's good, to actually pretty dull. Unlike other over the top weird anime Neo Yokio has a very slow pace, which makes everything feel at lot more mundane. Also Kaz is a very hard character to relate to because he is so rich and so oblivious to the world around him. Though the show does definitely have it's stand out moments. The show is so bizarre that there are plenty of funny "WTF" style moments, like the running gag with the Big Toblerone bar and some of Jaden Smiths bizarre spiritual-isms. Jaden Smith, while pretty monotone as a voice actor, did surprise me a couple of times with some okay comedic timing believe it or not. The show also has some interesting world building that I wished they elaborated more on. There's sort of this alternate history element to this world's history that result in a lot of creative idea. It's a world with no 9/11, the Soviets are still around, Japan and Italy are somehow one nation... You know I bet if your reading this without watching the show first I sound like a raving lunatic. WHY IS EZRA KOENIG MAKING AN ANIME? He's primarily a INDIE GUITARIST! Do I recommend watching it? Ehh, I can say that I have never seen a show quite like it...I'd say watch the trailer. It's a good representation of the show, and if you find that trailer "funny bad" then you'll probably get a kick out of this show. If not, then you can skip it. Overall, to me at least, the show just didn't have much synergy... But hey, don't say you love the anime if you haven't read the manga...

And Teen Titans Go! is getting a movie and wait...what? NEXT JULY!? Shouldn't there be like a...trailer or something out then?! I mean Spider-Verse has a trailer and that's not coming out till December! But hey..."In general, if a traditionally animated film comes out in theaters I'll see it just to support the medium." Right? I mean that's what I said in the last part...rIgHt?1 Now all the stuff that I've previously mentioned we're all fine, but none of it was grabbing the cartoon community attention to much. Ducktales came the closest, but with Rick and Morty Season three about to end there needed to be another show to be the new big thing. Then...Big Mouth Happened. Or...another installment in my newly booming side series (Oh, the Cringe!) REAL WARNING: NOT SAFE FOR WORK! For Real.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v8DlpO5UOnI

Now when I decided to watch this show in preparation for this review, I thought that I was going to be the only person in the cartoon community to really talk about it. I thought that this show would like "Legend of Chamberlain Heights" or "TripTank." An awful show, but a show that would fly under the radar just because of how "generically awful" it would be. That's why I was suprised when this show became the biggest hot topic in our community,and a widely debated topic at that. For real, I haven't seen a show this polarizing in a long time. People like Mr. Enter and I Hate Everything say that the show is awful, and one of the first cartoons ever, bordering child porn in terms of the content that the series shows. Other's like PhantomStrider on the other hand found the series to be a smart and deep dive into the lives of prepubescent adolescents and tackling the topic well. Which side do I land on? Ehh, somewhere in the middle I guess. I'll start with the pros of the show first. The show's biggest strength it's relatability. Being a show that tackles puberty it is almost impossible for you to not relate to this show on some level. This does help ground the world and get you into the characters easier because you see yourself in their shoes. The characters are fairly good for the most part, with Andrew being the most stand out character out of the main four kids. This I think was what surprised me the most, as most of these shows tend to make the characters assholes for the sake of being assholes but they stay mostly likable. Though the best character overall to me personally is The Ghost of Duke Ellington played by Jordan Peele. His performance is just so over the top and it's just such a random idea for a character that I can't help but kinda like it. Also there's this one gym coach character who I feel like I should be more annoyed by, but I kinda end up really liking. Though that might be just because he reminds me of Coach Z from Homestar Runner.

I show also covers a lot of topics that aren't covered in a lot of other shows, and covers them well. There is actual thought put into it. Honestly I think this show would be a good one to show somebody who is in puberty, as it gives a lot of informative info out in a much more personal way then most sex ed videos do. The internal continuity of the world is very hey wire. Sometimes people can see the hormone monsters, sometimes they can't. Sometimes they have the ability to effect the world around them, while other times it's kept ambiguous to weather or not they even are real, or just figments of the characters imagination. But I also don't think that it's really the point of the show. I think it's just whatever is funnier in the moment. There's a fluidness to the reality. However, there are definitely some problems with the show. Whenever the humor is trying to be crass or offensive the jokes tend to land a lot less. The show can end up becomes genuinely uncomfortable, and there were a lot of moments where I did end up changing tabs while watching. Being on Netflix they are able to get away with a lot, including showing full uncensored penis, vagina's, semen, and more. Often times involving the kids, and there is a real creep factor to it. I know the shows about puberty and that's the subject matter, but I feel like this is a rare case where "show don't tell" doesn't apply to storytelling. This is the shows biggest issue, and it's hard to ignore cause it's in almost every episode. The shows art style also isn't the best. It has this "Family Guy meets Klasky Csupo" look to it. And those are to properties that aren't most well regarded for there animation. Overall I can say that I did enjoy the show more than I was expecting to. Though keep in mind my expectations were "Brickleberry." I think the show is more good than bad though, with the comedy and the likable characters being the saving grace. But if you don't like ugly animation or gross out, then just pull out now. Meanwhile in the real world McDonalds released the "Mulan Schezwan Sauce" to the public for one day only. All in honor of a Rick and Mortyjoke from the first episode of season three. Fan's rioted as there was not enough supply to meet demand, leading to the story getting national coverage from major news outlets. Honestly, I have nothing to add to this, I just think it's funny. But forget about joy, it's time to become suddenly all serious and depressing! As the #MeToo movement happened several animators where accused of sexual misconduct. Some of the names of those accused include Loud House creator Chris Savino and Head of Pixar and Disney animation John Lassenter. I do want you to keep in mind though that these are just accusations. It seems like lately when a celebrity is accused of something like this people always decide that their guilty until proven innocent. Because they don't want to come off as victim shaming. However that doesn't mean they didn't do it either...yeah I have nothing else to really say here. Chris Savino was fired and John Lassenter was put on a six month leave, with rumors saying he'll be fired afterwards. Um...there's no non awkward way to segway out of this topic is there? Crap. Um, anyway Teen Titans Go! had there 200th episode. And guess how they celebrated. Go ahead, just make an educated guess. Well if you said an almost four day Teen Titans Go! marathon over Thanksgiving weekend, then you'd be right!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_7MWNWJReqU

Okay well, at least this one was actually celebrating something! So there's that at least!

Meanwhile the same night Nickelodeon premiered "Hey Arnold! The Jungle Movie." The finale thirteen years in the making.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pfSPjRoQjCk

He's got a journal and a long lost relative. Y'know what that means, it's time for some LORE! Now, I've never really watched Hey Arnold before, outside of a few episodes- JESUS CHRIST! WHAT HAVE YOU SEEN?! -But despite that, I did find myself enjoying this movie more than I thought I would. The movie is fairly stand alone, and for the most part can be enjoyed without prior knowledge of the show. The biggest strength of the film is the cast, who are genuinely likable, and the comedy which is genuinely funny. I also like how the movie does have a bit of a darker approach to it. It's not Samurai Jack dark or anything, but the villain is genuinely threatening and there are some actual onscreen deaths. It's not bloody or anything, but it's pretty intense for Nickelodeon. This really gives the movie a since of stakes and danger that I really enjoyed. It earns the PG rating. There are some problems though in terms of the story telling. There are some forced conflicts that seem like they're just there to be there. Also the movie is actually pretty confusing in terms of what is magic and what isn't to the point where I'm still not one hundred percent sure if the ancient prophecy was true or not. Maybe I missed something, but it seems kinda muddled. Also the villain, while threatening, isn't very interesting. He's just the cliche "want's money" villain, with nothing making him really stand out. But most of these problems aren't TOO glaring and I was able to enjoy the film regardless. And if I enjoyed it then I'm sure people who actually watched Hey! Arnold probably loved it. And I'm glad that the fans finally got a proper ending after all this time. Unfortunately, despite trending on twitter the movies actual ratings were not very good, getting a 1.7 million across three networks. That might sound okay, but it only barely beat out The Loud House episode that aired right before and that only aired on one network. Even Teen Titans Go! 200th episode, which airs on a much less popular network, was only a couple thousand views less than it. I'm torn, because on one hand I liked the movie and wished it did better, knowing how long the creator and fans were waiting for it. On the other hand, I'm hoping that this might help Nickelodeon get out of their "90's kids phase" that they seem to be in. i mean there's Hey! Arnold, Invader Zim, Rocko. All these announced revivals really makes it feels like there kinda having a mid life crisis. And while there nineties shows where great, I think they need to acknowledge that it wasn't there only good period. If there's something to take away from this, it's that as much as you hear people talk about how much better things were better in the nineties, these people are the minority. Most of the people who watch these channels are kids, and kids don't care about old nineties and two thousands shows they've never heard of. They care about what's on now. Also, while this news effects much more than just animation, Disney bought most of Fox's entertainments rights for fifty two billion dollars. Which is an amount of money that I cannot even begin the fathom. That's enough money to buy everybody in the world five large McDonald's Soda. And that includes like new born babies and stuff. (Alternatively, that might be enough for about three Schezwan Sauce packets.) In terms of animation, that means Disney now owns The Simpsons, Family Guy, Bob's Burgers, Archer, All the Ice Age and Rio movies, Allen Frickin' Gregory. I'm honestly a bit worried about this. Disney is become more and more powerful, and I feel it's only a matter of time till they monopolize entertainment. I'm also worried how this will effect other TV channels. For example, if Disney wanted could they pull all the Fox shows off of adult swim, or TBS? Only time will tell, as this deal will take about a year to really go into effect, but hopefully our new mouse overlord will be merciful. And to cap of f the year, Cartoon Network decided to celebrate Christmas by having an EIGHT DAY LONG TEEN TITANS GO! MARATHON! (with two episodes of Steven Universe sprinkled in.)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Qc7hwNB4Cv4

Now I know what you're probably thinking. "Wait, if they just passed two hundred episodes, then doesn't that mean they only have enough episodes for about two days?' Well normally yes, but even though there's only enough episodes that last two days, through a miracle it was able to last for eight nights. And that's why we celebrate Hanukkah. For real though, I try to defend Cartoon Network, but this is just too far! We had JUST gotten a multi-day Teen Titans Go! marathon literally a month ago! While annoying, at least I understand that one. It was for there two hundredth episode. It's a big milestone that should be celebrated. But this is just Christmas! Cause who wants to watch Christmas specials on Christmas right?! And it's not just Teen Titans Go!, I'd be upset regardless of the show. As of the time of this being posted it's still going on. And it's not just CN. Nickelodeon had a last minute schedule change replacing several of there Christmas specials with Spongebob and Loud House reruns. Not all there specials though, and it was only for one day, so it's far less egregious. But it shows that when one channel falls they can all be effected. Ugh! Yeah, I hate to end on that note, but honestly I'm just happy that I didn't end on sexual harassment, which was a real concern at one point. 2017 was a wild ride for the animation community, and I'm glad you came along with me on this look back through it all. Now, it's time to rank the shows. Keep in mind though that this is just my personal opinion. Also I'm not very good at these list things, and my opinion tends to change all the time. This is more of just a "for fun" thing. Let's do this. 9. Bunsen is a Beast 8. Castlevania 7. Marvel's Spider-Man 6. Ben 10 5. Neo Yokio 4. Big Mouth 3. (TIE) OK KO: Let's Be Heroes and Ducktales 2017 2. Hanizuki: Full of Treasures 1. Samurai Jack Season Five Though that's just my opinions now. Who knows how they might change in the future. And keep in mind that there were a lot of shows that I didn't see or talk about that came out this year. Like these... (Apollo Gauntlet, Big Hero 6: the Series, Billy Dilly's Super Duper Subterranean Summer, Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs, Danger and Egg, Dorthy and the Wizard of Oz, Hotel Transylvania: The Series, Legend Quest, Mysticons, Niko and the Sword of Light, Sex Swings, Strech Armstrong and the Flex Fighters, Tangled the Series, Tarantula, Tarzan and Jane, Tender Touches, The Jellies, The Magic School Bus Rides Again, Unikitty, Vampirina, Wacky Races 2017, Welcome to the Wayne, Wishfart) As for the grade, last year got a B-. Good, but could use improvement. This year...honestly I have to give a C. Just...average. Even not counting the shows I talked about this year there were several shows that I watched, intending to put into this review, that I ended up cutting cause I had nothing to really say on them. And honestly, even shows like Ducktales and OK KO, which are pretty high on my list have their problems. But I acknowledge that every year's quality won't be exactly even, so I'm not going to panic just yet. I still have high hopes for 2018. Now for the network that "won" this year. BTW since this is a new segment, I'll announce the winner for 2016 too. Last year I would say that Nickelodeon "won" the year for their success with The Loud House and for getting Spongebob out of it's seasonal rot. I've never seen the public opinion of a network to change so quickly. As for this year, I will say that the winner was Netflix, for really proving that their committing to animation. In addition to having the most shows I talked about this year (3/10) they also had other series that I didn't mention like Strech Armstrong Magic School Bus. Not to mention new seasons of Bojack, F is for Family, Voltron, Trollhunters and more. Sure not every show they had was great, but it shows initiative, and shows that they are a worthy contender in landscape of animation. So that was 2017 year in review. While not the best year, it did have it's some very memorable series and moments. And I can't wait to see what 2018 has in store for the world of animation. What did you think of any of the shows or stories that I talked about today? Are there any that I missed? Feel free to leave your thoughts in the comment down bellow. I'd love to hear them. Please fav, follow, and comment and have a great year. See ya in 2018! (I do not own any of the images or videos in this review all credit goes to there original owners.)

https://www.deviantart.com/joyofcrimeart/journal/2017-Year-in-REVIEW-Part-2-722602821 DA Link

#Ducktales #Neo Yokio #OK KO #review #ok ko let's be heroes

0 notes

deadcactuswalking · 6 years

Text

REVIEWING THE CHARTS - CHRISTMAS SPECIAL: 9th December 2018

Geez, today was a busy week. Before we talk about the top 10, however, let’s just get the massive elephants out of the way.

CHRISTMAS NONSENSE

It’s the festive season and one way people celebrate the holidays is by listening to its music – usually, Christmas music, of course, and since I review all returning entries that I haven’t talked about yet, sigh... There are seven of these so I’m going to go as quick as possible, but just bear with me throughout this section because I really don’t like Christmas music all that much. Let’s just get it over with.

#39 – “Rockin’ Around the Christmas Tree” – Brenda Lee

This is “Rockin’ Around the Christmas Tree”, a song written by Johnny Marks and released in 1958 in the US, being left on the shelf for four years until its release in the UK in 1962. In 1963, it peaked at number-six and has since re-entered due to digital downloads, with one of its highest recent peaks being number-seven last year. It’s pretty inoffensive rockabilly, with some nice very-50s guitar licks coming in throughout, and some decently-sounding production, but really it’s not anything of internet until that sax solo. That solo is freaking gorgeous, and I’m glad it’s there, because otherwise this would just kind of fall to the wayside. Not sure I like Lee’s voice on here, it comes off as a bit nasal, but it’s not a big deal. It’s alright, I guess. I expected to say RIP here since she was popular such a long time ago, but no, she’s still alive and kicking. Good for her.

#36 – “Merry Christmas Everyone” – Shakin’ Stevens

Now this is where it all breaks down into dread. This song by Shakin’ Stevens is Godawful, mostly because of how painfully manufactured the whole thing is. It’s overproduced Christmas music that is just jolly feelings and nothing else. Those horns that kick in after the first verse are pretty cool, but Stevens doesn’t sound great here – or at least I can’t tell because he’s drowned in reverb – and the choir might as well be a computer for all I care. Also, the sax solo was cool the first time in Brenda Lee’s track, but here it’s just trite, especially when you add those shooby-doo-wops over it. This track was initially the Christmas number-one for 1985, and I understand why, but does it really have to come back every year since 2007 – for over 60 weeks in total? Oh, it peaked last year at #10 too. Let’s hope this upwards trend doesn’t continue.

#35 – “Santa Tell Me” – Ariana Grande

Now for a more recent one from arguably the biggest popstar in the world right now, with her 2014 song that actually failed to chart in the Top 40 initially until last year at #29, and that’s its peak so far... whilst I’ve never been a fan of the cleaner, refined Ariana Grande records, I do have a soft spot for this one. That melody is infectious and the sleigh bells complement the synth bass in a way I didn’t think they would, and it’s not like the drums are all that overpowering here, although a trap skitter would have worked better here (yeah, I know, not something I say often). It’s surprisingly romantic and sensual for a song with Santa in the title, actually, although it’s about men who have wronged her. Anyway, Ariana kills it but what else do you expect from a song from her at this point? It’s a good track, although the final chorus with the choir is really cluttered, just saying, it’s messy.

#30 – “It’s Beginning to Look a Lot Like Christmas” – Michael Bublé

This here is Michael Bublé’s cover of traditional Christmas classic written in 1951 by Meredith Wilson, and it’s not great. Obviously, I mean, it’s Michael Bublé, ever since “Haven’t Met You Yet” he’s been utterly useless seasonal radio fodder. Bublé never really sounds bad but he never sounds interesting, and this production isn’t doing him any favours. It’s sickly sweet strings and brass for the most part, with some piano added in there for good measure, after what seems to be way too long of just airy synth, string and guitar noise – that’s really out of place, guys, why is this on the single edit? Ah, what else to say? Oh, right, nothing.

#26 – “Do They Know it’s Christmas?” – Band Aid

Oh, I know it’s Christmas time, alright, this song won’t let me forget it. I could ramble on about how preachy and awful this charity single is but other people have done it better. I just have four short things to say – 1.) this was the most popular song in the UK of the entire 80s. Yikes. 2.) This is the worst thing the Boomtown Rats have had any involvement in. They’re such a great band, hell so are Culture Club. How do Boy George, the Boomtown Rats, Ultravox, Phil Collins, U2, Kool & the Gang, Sting and Duran Duran make something this awful? They’re all absolutely fantastic musicians in their own right. 3.) That synth that kicks in after a while is pretty ugly, not gonna lie, and is unfitting for the condescending Christmas charity single angle they’re going for here – mostly because that’s what it really is. 4.) We’ve remade and reissued and re-entered this song too many times. Let it go, Britain. Please. We’re begging you. It’s for a good cause, and I appreciate how much money it’s raised, but it’s also garbage.

#18 – “Fairytale of New York” – The Pogues featuring Kirsty MacColl

They use the word because it was the 80s, it’s not meant to mean homosexual and it’s not used in that context – albeit still a negative one – and the climate of Ireland, especially the Celtic punk scene, wasn’t exactly going to care about dropping that slur in their Christmas single. It should still be censored, though, I mean, black rappers saying the N-word is morally okay, but we still mute those, right? Anyway, this is one of the best songs I’ve ever heard. It starts with a beautifully elegant piano melody, with the lead singer of the Pogues, Shane MacGowan, mumbling his way through his verse, but instead of people like Future or Lil Baby, there’s still a lot of sincerity there, I feel, and a lot of soul is put into expressing the lyrics here in the raspy tone that I absolutely love. I’m not going to talk much about the story here mostly because I’m not going to go in-depth, but it’s about a typical love story going awry at some point due to a betrayal. Oh, and the moment the Celtic traditional instruments come in is one of the best moments in music – ever. Kirsty MacColl sounds so lovely here, and the harmonisations in the chorus are fantastic. That flute solo is gorgeous, and the juxtaposition between “you’re a bum, you’re a punk, you’re an old s--- on junk, lying there almost dead as a drip on that bed” and the cheerful instrumental is just hilarious to me, especially since right after “Happy Christmas your a---, I thank God it’s our last” is immediately followed by the bombastic drunk sing-a-long chorus. The third verse is also such a great back-and-forth, man, I can’t even bring to words how much I admire and adore this piece of music. This is the best song I think I’ve ever talked about on this show, by far, but it could have easily not been close if “2000 Miles” by the Pretenders returned this week. We’ll just hope for next week, I guess. Rest in peace to Kirsty MacColl, gone much too young.

#14 – “Last Christmas” – WHAM!

Finally, we have our last Christmas song for this week’s holiday REVIEWING THE CHARTS special. It’s an anti-climactic end, to be honest, because I’m pretty indifferent to this song. It’s pretty 80s, to be fair, so I’ve got to like some of the cheesy falsetto vocalisations from the late George Michael at the start, as well as those repetitive synths that keep themselves from sounding awful by having those sleigh bells and pretty damn nice keys covering them. That chorus is iconic, but the rest of the lyrics are just forgettable. Honestly, it’s a good background song and it’s a well-written, catchy pop track with Michael putting in some good vocals throughout, but, it’s nothing special. Nothing but respect to George Michael, though, rest in peace, he’s a pop legend over here.

Christmas Conclusion

The best Christmas song on the charts right now is easily “Fairytale of New York” by the Pogues and Kirsty MacColl, but an Honourable Mention goes to Mariah Carey for “All I Want for Christmas is You”. Yup, that’s still here, we’ll get to that in a second. Worst of the Week goes to Band Aid for “Do They Know it’s Christmas?” You should be ashamed, Bob. Dishonourable Mention is going to Shakin’ Stevens for “Merry Christmas Everyone”. Other Christmas songs you should check out are “Christmas in Harlem” by Kanye West, Teyana Taylor and CyHi tha Prynce featuring Musiq Soulchild (heck, check out the longer version if you wish), “2000 Miles” by the Pretenders, “Stop the Cavalry” by Jona Lewie, “Christmas Lights” by Coldplay, “You’re a Mean One, Mr. Grinch” by Tyler, the Creator and “Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer” by DMX. Yes, those last two actually exist. Now, this Christmas section has taken longer and is longer to read than about half of my normal episodes, so I think we should get straight into...

Top 10

Well, this all feels a bit more familiar. “thank u, next” by Ariana Grande is still at the top of the charts five weeks in, and it doesn’t really seem to have much competition.

Ava Max, however, is making a surprise run for the top, up four spots to number-two, with “Sweet but Psycho”. I wouldn’t exactly be complaining if this hit the top either.

“Without Me” by Halsey is up a spot to number-three.

We have a new entry from the most recent X Factor winner, Dalton Harris, with a cover of Frankie Goes to Hollywood’s Christmas classic “The Power of Love”, featuring James Arthur. I guess awful Christmas songs aren’t going away for that long, huh? Obviously this is Dalton’s first top 10, and Arthur’s fifth.

“Thursday” by Jess Glynne is down two spaces to number-three.

Up a whopping 28 spaces this week to number-six is, you guessed it, Mariah Carey’s “All I Want for Christmas is You”. This isn’t its first top 10 turn, and it’s not its peak, but still impressive to reach here nonetheless.

This means “Woman Like Me” by Little Mix featuring Nicki Minaj is down five spaces to number-seven.

“Rewrite the Stars” by James Arthur and Anne-Marie has actually gained nine spaces, surprisingly, and to my dismay, to number-eight, becoming Arthur’s sixth and Anne-Marie’s fifth.

Oh, and if you wanted even worse news, up an even larger 29 spaces is “KIKA” by 6ix9ine featuring Tory Lanez, becoming both their first (and hopefully for 6ix9ine, only) top 10 hit at number-nine. I like the song, but I don’t like Tekashi, to say the least.

We have another new entry at #10 this week with “Nothing Breaks Like a Heart” by Mark Ronson featuring Miley Cyrus. This is Ronson’s sixth top 10 hit and Cyrus’ fourth (yeah, I thought she had more too).

Now, instead of separating what happened on the charts into Dropouts, Climbers, Returning Entries, Fallers and such, let’s separate into two sections: “What Survived” and “What Suffered”.

What Survived

What survived means essentially everything that still managed to chart this week, and I’m actually surprised by how much power some of these songs have. Going in reverse order, I have no idea how “Arms Around You” by XXXTENTACION, Lil Pump, Swae Lee and Maluma managed to cling on despite a 17-space fall to #40. “Promises” by Calvin Harris and Sam Smith is down 16 to #38, “Baby Shark” by Pinkfong is down four to #37, “Empty Space” by James Arthur is down 10 to #34 (why did James Arthur of all people have the strength to stay during the avalanche?), “Hold My Girl” by George Ezra is down eight to #33, “Shallow” by Lady Gaga and Bradley Cooper is down 27 to #32 (considering both streaming cuts and Christmas bloodbath), “Leave a Light On” by Tom Walker has returned to #31 for some reason, “when the party’s over” by Billie Eilish is down seven to #28 (again, surprised this one’s still here), “Taki Taki” by DJ Snake, Ozuna, Cardi B and Selena Gomez is down eight to #27, “1999” by Charli XCX and Troye Sivan is down 11 to #24, “Polaroid” by James Blue, Liam Payne and Lennon Stella is down 11 to #23, “Let You Love Me” by Rita Ora is down eight to #22, “Better” by Khalid is down five to #20, “Sunflower” by Post Malone and Swae Lee is down seven to #16, as is “ZEZE” by Kodak Black featuring Travis Scott and Offset right next to it at #15, “Funky Friday” by Dave and Fredo is down five to #12, and everything else that’s currently charting is either simply not notable (a drop or climb less than four spaces), in the top 10, a new arrival, a Christmas re-entry or in the top 10. Jesus. Now, what’s gone?

What Suffered

This is a little nicer name for what’s dropped out in the absolute onslaught of Christmas music and new arrivals (all returning and new entries this week total to 12 songs that weren’t on the chart before). This week was an absolute bloodbath, and these are the murder victims. Former #1 “Shotgun” by George Ezra is out from #30, “Advice” by Cadet and Deno Driz is out from #28, “AirForce” by Digdat is out from the #20 debut, “Mo Bamba” by Sheck Wes is out prematurely from #27, “This is Me” by Keala Settle and the Greatest Showman Ensemble is out again from #36, another former #1 “Eastside” by benny blanco, Halsey and Khalid is out from #31, “Happier” by Marshmello and Bastille is out from #32, “I Found You” by benny blanco and Calvin Harris is out from #29, “MIA” by Bad Bunny featuring Drake is out from #35, “Always Remember Us this Way” by Lady Gaga is out from #39, “Goodbye” by Jason Derulo and David Guetta featuring Nicki Minaj and Willy William is out from #40 and finally, “Back and Forth” by MK, Jonas Blue and Becky Hill is out from #37. I’d say it’s time to move onto the New Arrivals – but before, I’d like to say that the BBC redesigned their UK Top 40 page, and it looks pretty cool. Anyways:

NEW ARRIVALS

#29 – “MAMA” – 6ix9ine featuring Kanye West and Nicki Minaj

Of course, DUMMY BOY only had a stunted tracking week last week, so we have the effects of the album this week. This is 6ix9ine’s third top 40 hit in the UK, Nicki Minaj’s thirty-seventh (yeah, I know, it’s insane), and Ye’s even crazier forty-third, and to be honest, it’s inoffensive, which is something I’d never thought I’d say about a 6ix9ine song, but, hey, it is what it is. Murda Beatz’s production is pretty cool for what it is, and I do like the eerie synth loop. 6ix9ine’s delivery is lazy and boring – and I still think we shouldn’t let rappers say they kick women out of doors – but he doesn’t last long so when Kanye comes in with that “man, oh my God” refrain it gets so much better. I’m so used to Kanye West’s pop-culture rambling, social media criticism/obsession, somehow relating to women nonsense he brings to nearly every single verse he does recently that I’m used to it, it’s just something I’ve heard before delivered relatively comedically. Nicki’s refrain and verse actually has some work put into it, unlike the dudes’ bars, so yeah, I appreciate that, although her delivery and cadence is exhaustingly blunt and straightforward, to the point where it’s just kind of tiring. There’s some decent wordplay there, I guess. This is okay enough, and pretty much top-tier Tekashi to be honest. “KANGA” also featuring Ye is even better, though.

#17 – “Going Bad” – Meek Mill featuring Drake

Meek Mill and Drake working together is something I expected to happen anyway. Meek and Drake have seemingly squashed their beef and have relaxed after the “Back to Back” situation and their popular 2015/2016 beef that revealed a lot about Drake, specifically his ghostwriting from Quentin Miller, and eventually stressed Meek’s relationship with Nicki enough for them to break up as a result. Oh, and you better believe they mention “back to back” because of course they do, it’s the only funny wordplay they can conjure up, apparently. This is Meek Mill’s first ever top 40 hit in the UK (congratulations) and in stark contrast, Drake’s forty-fifth (yes, even more than Kanye), and his thirteenth just this year (probably and hopefully his last), and it’s mediocre. I didn’t know what to expect because I’ve never really cared enough about Meek to listen to him, but an out-of-tune piano absolutely demolished by some bass while Drake spouts off with stuff like “I got more slaps than the Beatles” isn’t exactly the best first impression. Is there a chorus here, or not? I can’t tell, everything’s just kind of the same until the ad-lib break that’s long enough for Genius to count it as an entirely different section of the song than in Meek’s verse. It was “Interlude” when I looked but it might be “Post-Chorus” now. Yeah, it should be clear I don’t care enough about this song. I do like Drake’s delivery in the hook, though, it’s pretty energetic, but not enough to save it.

#10 – “Nothing Breaks Like a Heart” – Mark Ronson featuring Miley Cyrus

So, yeah, I like this. It starts with some beautiful strings right before Miley Cyrus fades in with her country twang that I’m starting to really appreciate, and those guitars come in to complement her and the deeper bass that I like the addition of, it really contrasts the otherwise pretty light production, that seems to be dramatic but kind of unfitting for the lyrical content about how the world can hurt you but heartbreak is the worst possible thing, because despite the beat’s melodrama it’s too upbeat to really work here, I feel. Ah, well, the hook is pretty memorable, and the orchestral stings is just one little barely-noticeable production quirk that I can talk about, seriously, Mark Ronson puts so much effort into crafting these songs over the years, it’s pretty great. It may be a bit too repetitive and slow for my taste, but, yeah, I can dig this. Good song, just not much to say about it.

#4 – “The Power of Love” – Dalton Harris featuring James Arthur

The girl gets Leona Lewis, the Scouse dude gets Kaiser Chiefs, yet the WINNER gets James Arthur?! Really, James Arthur? Poor dude. You must know you’re an amazingly talented singer when you get James Arthur put on your song and you still make a surprisingly decent winner’s single, hell, even win in the first place. Arthur is such an awful vacuum of talent, I was scared Harris would be affected by this but no, even with my half-bothering with the show this year I can tell he’s been consistently great, and he’s definitely not bad on here either, although the production has no unique charm to it and is just plastic Syco production as you expect, with James Arthur bringing an above-average performance (this means still pretty bad) with his moaning and straining that just pains me to listen to. Seriously, James, let’s have a cactus-to-man talk and let me teach you how to not sound like my dead cat who just popped some Xanax.

Conclusion

Worst of the Week goes to Dalton Harris and James Arthur for “The Power of Love” – at least “Going Bad” has some energy and legitimate soul to it, although Meek Mill and Drake still get Dishonourable Mention. Mark Ronson and Miley Cyrus take Best of the Week home for “Nothing Breaks Like a Heart”, and hell Kanye and Nicki made “MAMA” bearable enough for them and 6ix9ine to get Honourable Mentions. See ya next week, where we’ll probably see a few more Christmas songs. Delightful.

0 notes