#honestly the way he grabs Finn’s dick in this scene

[divinekangaroo]

I’m intrigued at the season 5 shock at Brilliant Chang walking into the Garrison —> not only did season 1 episode 1 open with Tommy in the Chinese Quarter knowing enough about the Chinese to use the Chinese to add (drama) to his racing scam, demonstrating clear communication with them, there are also elements of awareness/peripheral mentions of the Chinese enterprise/s featured multiple times, and these half-comments increase notably through Season 4.

So my theory is that Tommy always had a watch on them, as a market force, even if Arthur and co were unaware, and Tommy pulling out that hilarious little notebook on Chang clearly shows this; by counter they always had a watch on him and correctly identified a time when he’d be open to a very risky opportunity. Operating adjacent and mostly in parallel but rarely converging.

Now Arthur was surprised because ~~fucking hell it’s the Chinese where did this come from and how do they have the guts to walk in here like this~~; Tommy was only surprised because (?) it was someone as high ranking as Brilliant Chang (?) and they went so absolutely balls deep (!) on the first real play.

A play of both desperation on Chang’s part (what do you do when you have 7t of opium on your hands and no way to move it or liquidate it=mild panic) but also a sense of ‘just because you think we might be desperate for your canal network to move our shit, just be aware 1) you don’t have the option of saying no even if you think you might and 2) we will destroy you if you fuck us around’

And would BC have even come in to the Blinders, if Tommy hadn’t laid breadcrumbs in some way shape or form indicating he might’ve been interested in the opportunity, even if those breadcrumbs were simply letting it be seen that he was watching/counting/aware of their actions.

[lightandwinged]

Alright, it’s review time, and it’s going to be spoilery and rambly because I’m still parsing my thoughts on everything SO. 

Sans spoilers: a solid and fitting conclusion, if a bit faster paced than I would’ve liked, but it adhered to the overarching themes of the Skywalker saga probably better than anything in the new trilogy has before, and I don’t know how, considering everything (namely that Space Mom is gone), they could have or would have done things differently. Not my absolute favorite (that will forever be RotJ), but still very good.

Spoilers below, be ye warned.

I found it utterly hilarious that the plot started with Kyle Ron finding the Macguffin and chillin out with Papa Palpatine while the Good Guys had to go on this entire huge quest to FIND the Macguffin to begin with, and the only reason he didn’t just fuck off and finish some dastardly plan while they were scurrying about and trying to find the Pyramid Of Doom was because he’s got a lot to work out in his feelings about Rey. Like shit, no wonder Papa Palpatine decided to just stick with his own bloodline for galactic domination, Skywalkers are useless.

(except Leia, who is awesome)

The inclusion of Carrie Fisher in this film was VERY well done, but it also hurt a lot because you could tell that her scenes were cobbled together from old material and not made of anything new. It was good and necessary, but it also just hurt, like a constant reminder that she’s gone and nobody could replace her ever. And I’ll get more to that in a minute.

The Macguffin questing honestly felt a lot like the first half of RotJ, where we have to go rescue Han right quick because Harrison Ford was pretty sure he didn’t want to Star Wars anymore, so here’s a sidequest for half the movie, with the only difference here being that the questline had to do with the actual Plot. I’ve been following the Star Wars leaks subreddit for a while (don’t read the comments, it’s a wretched hive of scum and villainy and bitterness), and I know that at one point, it was supposed to be this race between Team Dark Side and Team Light Side to get the Pyramid of Destiny and then they’d find out that oh shit, Sheev’s here, but that was scrapped... and I kind of wish it hadn’t been? It would’ve made the first half of frolicking through this planet... no this planet... no, no, it’s on this planet... feel a lot less distracting. 

The dynamic between Finn, Poe, and Rey was fantastic, because those three actors just have amazing chemistry on so many levels. They immediately fell into the dynamic of “we’re a polyamorous triad who’ve been living together for a while, and we really love each other, but we’re also a LITTLE BIT STRESSED RIGHT NOW OK” and that’s fair. I was glad to see all of it, and I just wish that we’d had more of it in both TFA and TLJ. It reminded me a LOT of how the best parts of the OT were always when Luke, Han, and Leia were together. 

And now I’m going to take a sulk break to think about what we could’ve had with that amazing dynamic.

I’m back. 

The new characters were some of the weaker parts of the film, I felt, save for Lando (because Billy Deeeeeeee). Dominic Monaghan, whom I love, could’ve had his role taken entirely by Rose, or Billie Lourde, and nobody would’ve noticed. And I don’t mind the addition of extra women to the cast, but Zorii and Jannah felt like they were just there to be like “Poe fucks women! Finn might too!” And... yanno, cool? But the OT3 stands. 

And then General Pryde, aptly named, should’ve been a bigger part in all three films because it was like... here’s this yahoo out of nowhere who’s apparently a really big Sheev fan and just... like... what? I mean, I’m a huge Sheev fan, too, but I wish he’d been more of a Piett, where we could’ve seen him worming his way up the ranks, which would’ve made his downfall more satisfying. Instead, it was just kind of like... eh? Cool, I guess? With Piett, you felt like “yeah, we’ve seen this guy fucking things up for our heroes for two entire movies now, and here he is, getting destroyed because of his pride, hahaha!” but with Pryde, it was like “wait, who are you? Oh you’re dead now? Okay, cool, I guess?”

And in conjunction with THAT, Hux was just wasted in this film. I fully accept the idea that he rose through the ranks because of nepotism or something, and I also fully accept that he’s an absolutely useless twink who can’t do anything without having Phasma top him weekly (she used to top both him and Ren, which is why they’re such disasters in this movie), but man, couldn’t we have like... taken him with us? Imagine the comedy potential as he’s brought back as a prisoner and Domhnall Gleeson gets even more screen time with Oscar Isaac. I don’t mind that he died a worthless death because he was basically a useless wretch, but I do feel like if the movie had given itself more breathing room, he could’ve been a lot of fun.

RELATED, the pacing. So in the beginning of the movie, the idea of a light skip (basically, just sort of using the hyperdrive without planning or anything) is brought up, and everyone involved in this action bounces from world to world to world in rapid fire fashion to get rid of a bunch of TIE fighters following them, and that’s roughly the pace of this film. There are a few moments of quiet and contemplation, but they’re so rare that they seem to last a lot longer than they actually do, and I think it’s mostly because this movie really feels like a Lord of the Rings style epic packed into a MCU time frame. And I’m not complaining about the time, because by the time the credits rolled, I had to pee so fucking badly, but I feel like also if we’d trimmed out a couple of things (like maybe we can get rid of Kijimi, I think it is? The snow planet? or just merge Kijimi and Pasaana?), we’d have had more time to breathe and that would’ve helped the pacing a lot. 

The slow moments in the film belonged almost exclusively to Rey and Kyle Ron, and honestly, Daisy Ridley and Adam Driver both deserve some sort of award recognition for their acting, the latter particularly. Without going into wild details about the plot, Kyle Ron does change his mind and go back to being Ben Solo, and god bless you so much Adam Driver because the change is instantaneous and delightful. If we’d seen significantly more Ben Solo than Kyle Ron, I’d totally be on board with the r.3y.10.z because this child omg. As it stands, the kiiiiissssss made me do like

in real life. It felt... mm, unearned, we’ll say. Maybe as a moment of “oh fuck that was intense and now we’re both alive” I could’ve bought it, but it wasn’t that, it was supposed to be this “my looooove” moment and just... sorry, but no. 

BUT that said, while I think his death was the only way this series could’ve ended for him because a redemption arc would’ve required a LOT more time and energy, and that just... wasn’t going to happen. The time to have him make the turn if we were going to see a redemption arc was during TLJ, and since he didn’t make that change, we don’t get a Zuko arc. And that’s FINE because that’s a lot of work for a three movie series. And I don’t want a TV series devoted to Ben Solo learning to not be a dick to people. That’s exhausting. 

But I do wish we’d gotten more time with him. The brief time we had, the bit of Han Solo snark that came out (”ow”), that was all delightful and made me understand what people see in the character (who I hate because he’s a great character to hate). 

(omg while I was writing this, someone was saying that they were in a theater with someone talking about how the movie should’ve ended with Kyle Ron giving Rey a Force baby, and Y’ALL THERE IS NOT ENOUGH NOPE IN THE WORLD)

Anyway, bullets now, for the times I cried:

Literally everything with Leia, but especially that her last word was “Ben” and her using every last bit of her energy to save her son because I GET THAT FEEL, and honestly, the only reason she wasn’t there raining death and destruction on Sheev by herself for grooming her baby was because Carrie Fisher died. But anyway, from the moment she dropped her headset on, I was a blubbering mess.

And then Han, just a memory, but looking more at peace than he ever has. He convinces his son to come home, and Ben now says, “Dad?” and Han just says, “I know,” and FUFUUFUFALSKJDLAKSJDF: SOBBING

And then CHEWIE reacting to Leia’s death just... UGH. I am destroyed utterly, still. 

Luke finally managing to Force lift the X-Wing out of the water made me cry as well, weirdly enough. 

And then whatever emotion I felt when Rey heard all the Jedi, and it was LITERALLY EVERYONE WHO HAS PLAYED A JEDI EVER COMING IN AND SAYING A LINE like not just the familiar ones but the ones you wouldn’t know unless you’d watched all the TV series and extra material... it was so much more than tears. I couldn’t cry because it wouldn’t have been enough to encompass everything that made me feel. Very sincerely well done. 

All-in-all, yeah, it was really good. I don’t get what everyone is so fussed over with it... it ties up the themes of the entire nine-movie arc pretty neatly and does basically the best it can with what it has. 

But a bigger point in its favor, for me, was seeing Sam’s reaction to it: jumping up and down in his seat, gasping, grabbing my hand, whispering, “Mommy, they’re going to be okay, right?” and then cheering at the end. Star Wars, as a thing, isn’t for just one person or one group of people, but I consider how people who were kids when the PT came out say without a hint of irony that it’s not that bad, because to them, that’s what Star Wars is and always has been. The joy of it isn’t just the OT but those three movies that were “meh” to those of us who cut our teeth on the OT only. And in a similar vein, the ST is full of that joy for kids now. Like holy moley, Sam and his best friend geeking out over seeing each other in Star Wars costumes at Halloween was just worth everything.

So in the end, like I concluded at the end of TLJ, the message here is that it’s for them. And also that there’s always hope, that ultimately, even when it seems the odds are against light, there’s more of us than there are of them. 

[lcofowler]

ashes to ashes

2014

The droning of Leo’s heart monitor is the only thing convincing himself – and anyone around him – that he actually is lying there, alive. It’d probably been two days since he’d moved out of the uncomfortable hospital bed willingly, even attempting to bite the nurse that’d tried to force him to go to the washroom. All that’d done is resulted in a threat of putting his catheter back in.

“Intimate. My jerkin’ arm still aches, wouldn’t mind some nice dick fondling -,”

“He’s joking. Please, excuse him. Leopold, if you don’t listen to the nurses, you’re not going to get better period -.”

He’d stopped listening by then.

Even though all he’d done the last two days was sleep, there was a constant, inexplicable exhaustion that settled so deeply into his bones he felt as if they’d shatter if he didn’t get to sleep every few hours. Curled in on himself awkwardly, he’d started counting the beeps from his heart monitor as a replacement for sheep, slowly drifting off when the slamming of his room door startled him more awake than he’d been since he got there.

“Why’re you still here? I thought you were going home today?”

Finn’s appearance is unexpected but not totally surprising. If anything it’s a bit depression – his cousin makes the time for him when his own brother’s can’t. Audrey’s in tow, face flushed like she’d just been running, and her expression is exasperated, but she waves at Leo all the same – like he’s not crumpled in on himself, already scrawnier and more baggy eyed than the last time she saw him. Like she wasn’t visiting him at the hospital.

“God, Finn, I don’t want your girlfriend to see me like this -?”

“Right here. I can hear you. And I don’t care, you’ve looked worse.”

Finn doesn’t acknowledge Leo’s question either way. Just raises a brow, waiting for Leo to answer his own.

“I don’t know when I’m going home. I burned a hole in my sinuses. And apparently, I had, like, three seizures before the ambulance even got me. I think they’re running extra tests, in case.”

Finn and Audrey flash each other a look at that, and Leo always hated it when they did that – secretly, of course. He hated the way they could look at each other and know exactly what they were thinking, but no one else could. Leo never did much enjoy feeling left out after all.

“Alright, fine – get up,” Finn insists, taking his phone out of his pocket at the same moment Audrey’s making her way to Leo’s bedside. She’s reaching for his hand before he’s even moved the bed into an upright position again, and Leo’s feeling a bit overwhelmed, “We’re dancing. So that your limbs don’t turn to jelly and your brain doesn’t eat itself from the inside out. It’ll be good for you. Get up.”

“What? Woah, stop,” he mumbled, barely managed to weakly tug his wrist out of Audrey’s grip, “No, I can’t. I can barely stand, it’s – I hurt, fuck off. I don’t want to.”

(Your Love Keeps Lifting Me) Higher and Higher by Jackie Wilson starts playing from Finn’s phone – which is a low blow. As if anyone could resist that song.

“I’m not asking you to run a marathon, dumbass. Just get up. Sway, if you have to.”

Leo has a weird thing about disappointing Finn. He doesn’t even try to protest this time around when Audrey’s grabbing him again, and once Finn’s set his phone down by the foot of the bed, he’s at Leo’s other side, supporting most of his weight.

“God – would’ve been helpful if I was the taller one here,” Finn huffs, but he’s grinning like Leo gave him the exact Christmas gift he wanted.

It’s awkward. The kind of awkward where within a few seconds, they’re all laughing hysterically to cover up how painful the situation actually is with humour. He’s clinging tightly onto Finn’s shoulder while Audrey’s still gripping his wrist, like that’s helpful at all, and he’s already worked up a bit of a sweat, and it’s great. The laughter’s still real – it’s the only time Leo’s smiled in the last few days.

“Tadpole, you’re a natural. Hips don’t lie! Lemme drive you home when you’re good, okay? I’ll come back tomorrow, anyway. See if your brain really has turned to mush.”

The offer to drive him home is mentioned out of sincerity but also as a warning. Three days later, Leo’s being driven home by Finn, but now, home has a different definition. Instead of Tallahassee humidity or Manhattan traffic, it’s the quiet and comfort of a Rochester home that constantly smells like flowers. It’s easily the happiest Leo’s ever been.

 2016

“I’m going to fucking kill him.”

It’s about the fifth time his uncle Steven’s said that in the span of five minutes and the only goodbye Leo gets before he’s leaving, slamming the door behind him. In search of Finn, probably.

He’d been missing for about two days now. It wasn’t uncommon by far, what was uncommon was the lack of an update to Leo that he was alive. What really ignited the fear was the call from Audrey’s parents asking if she’d been at the Fowler residence.

Leo’s not really sure what to do with himself, which makes the whole situation all that more alarming. The most he can do is awkwardly sit in the living room loveseat, Mitzie purring contently in his lap, waiting impatiently for the door to open and Finn to walk through. It’s too quiet with him gone – his aunt Marjorie’s manning Fowler’s Flowers in the meantime, in need of a major distraction, and Steven searches the streets restlessly.

A knock on the door has Leo launching himself out of the chair – apologizing to Mitzie under his breath when she cries in protest at the sudden movement. He doesn’t really put two and two together that it can’t be Finn, that he would’ve just walked in, more excited at the prospect his cousin could be home finally than anything else – he’d never been very logical anyway.

Initially, he’s stunned when he opens the door and two officers stand on the other side.

“Is this the Fowler residence?”

Leo doesn’t like movies very much – he can never pay attention for long enough and honestly, most of them are boring to him. Even TV never really grabs him, not enough to become properly invested in any show. And even then, he’s seen this scene. He knows what comes next.

“Is he dead?”

The officers look at each other like they weren’t expecting that, like Leo went off script and they weren’t expecting to improv. Which is annoying – it’s a simple yes or no question.

“Son, is this the Fowler residence?”

“Yes – yeah, but, uh. It’s Finn, isn’t it? Finnegan – his mom and dad are out – is he dead, or what?”

“Maybe we should talk about this inside – may we come in?” The taller officer sounds exasperated, while his shorter partner looks like they’re on the verge of tears.

“Is. He. Dead?”

There’s a pause, like they’re debating whether to answer or not – Leo gets it, he’s been called unpredictable enough to know that he’d be weary too of his reaction. Finally, after what feels like forever, the smaller officer says a shaky, “Yes.”

Leo’s the one to pause this time. His world doesn’t fall apart, which is kind of surprising – that’s what’s supposed to happen in moments like this. Instead, he nods, probably looks like someone that’s unsure and is just saying yes because they didn’t hear what the other said, but he heard loud and clear and there was no turning back from it.

“Yeah. Yeah, you better come in.”

He’s gone before his aunt and uncle get home, which was sort of planned. It’s selfish, but Leo doesn’t want to be there when they find out. He feels a pang of guilt when the police call after him once he’s wrenched the front door open, but it’s not enough to make him turn back.

Instead, he rides his bike all the way to the hospital. He’s sweating, more than a little gross by the time he gets there, but he doesn’t feel close to tired.

“Leo Fowler for Audrey Nguyen.”

Audrey looks like someone that’s been in a car crash. Her face is more bruise than anything else and she’s got a neck brace on. Her right arm’s in a cast, and Leo’s writing his signature on it when she starts to wake up.

“Tadpole,” her voice is so rough it’s almost inaudible.

It’s the first time Leo starts to reason with himself – or more or less beg. Pray this isn’t actually real and that it’s some pipe dream. Audrey’s already crying, clutching at her chest like each sob that wracks through her must hurt, badly. Leo’s not even sure what to do. He doesn’t want to cry but he doesn’t want to crack a joke. Instead, he takes her hand.

“What happened?” Most of it had been explained already, but it feels a bit like Leo will never know what happens until it’s explained to him twenty times.

“It was on purpose, I swear he did it on purpose. He tried to kill us – Finn tried to kill us. I tried to – I tried to stop him I’m – He was so high, he was so, so high – I’m sorry, I’m sorry, Leo, I’m sorry.”

His vision’s blurry now, stinging with the threat of tears that haven’t fallen quite yet. It still hasn’t hit him, really, and he still feels a bit numb to it’s entirety, but with Audrey gripping his hand like she was scared she’d never have human contact again and sobbing harder than he’s ever seen anyone cry, it’s a bit hard to avoid what’s happened.

Instead, he says, “Don’t cry – Just. I should go see… Marj and Steven they’re… they weren’t home. They don’t know – I should go see them I should… I have to go.”

There’s the implied I’ll visit but Leo can’t bring himself to say it. If he says it, he’ll have to – but he doesn’t, so he never does.

 2019

“There’s the little guy! Who’s the bestest boy in the entire world?”

Leo talks to Bear like it’s his own son that he hasn’t seen in months. Realistically, it’d only been just over a week, but he still flops to the floor before he’s even taken his shoes off to greet the pup once he’s walked through the front door.

“Did you miss me? Did you miss your daddy? Your daddy’s an actual daddy, did you know, Bear? DILF squad! Oh – Cas?” He doesn’t get an answer in return, feigning horror with a wide-eyed gasp of shock as he turns his attention back to Bear, “All alone?! Don’t worry, Zeke’s gonna be home soon. He’s grabbing more treats for you – doesn’t that sound nice? That sounds nice, huh?”

If left to his own devices, Leo could’ve sat on that floor for hours talking to Bear in a baby voice he’d never use if anyone else was in the room. The sound of his phone ringing, however, pulls him out of it – he’s still petting Bear’s head with one hand when he checks it, brows furrowing when he doesn’t recognize the number.

“Hello?”

“Jesus – Tadpole your voice is even deeper, I think. Did you hit a second round of puberty?”

Leo freezes up, immediately recognizing the voice, “Audrey?”

“We have a winner. Where the hell are you? No one’s at your place.”

“Oh, um,” for a moment, he considers lying – the last time they’d talked was at Finn’s funeral, Leo doesn’t know how much he wants to share with someone who’s technically considered a stranger now, “I’m crashing at my buddy Zeke’s place for a bit. Bougie place – you’d love it.”

“In between?”

A code name – for people they liked too much to just be friends with benefits and left at that.

“Yeah… yeah, guess so.”

“Still the same,” he’s sure it’s meant to be an insult, but her tone is completely fond, “What’re you doing right now? It’s – Tomorrow’s three years. We should… get drinks. I haven’t seen you since you turned legal, and –,”

“It’s what?”

A pause, “Three years tomorrow. Did you – did you lose track, or?”

Apparently, he did. They weren’t supposed to be at Coney Island as long as they were. He thought he had more time.

“I – I can’t, I’m – I don’t… feel like –,”

“Yeah, okay. I figured. I just – y’know, miss you. And I didn’t… I didn’t want to be alone tomorrow, I just – do you?”

No. “Yes.”

“… Right. Okay. Sorry to bother you, um –,”

“My birthday – it’s coming up soon.”

“Of course. I remember.”

“I think… I’m probably gonna have a party, or something. You should – wanna come? I want you to come, if you want to.”

“That’s – yeah, I don’t think so, Tadpole. Probably not a good idea, I’m… not gonna be in town by then.”

He doesn’t bother to clarify. He doesn’t really want a clarification, “Stupid, yeah. My bad.”

“I didn’t mean it like that.”

“I gotta go, my – my roommate’s back, he’s – groceries, lots of them. Lots of bags. I’m – he’s clumsy,” The excuse comes rushed, accompanied by a shaky voice and the realization that Leo’s about to, embarrassingly, cry. It was way too raw – he thought he had more time.

“C’mon, don’t go –,”

“Talk to you soon.”

He hangs up in a rush, sniffling grossly as he can feel the telltale signs of his nose starting to run. Which usually would be accompanied by a nose bleed. Leo cries rarely but it’s an entire event when it does happen.

“Stop it,” he whispers to himself – to Bear a bit, too, who seems incredibly confused by the sudden change in tone. He tries to flash the pup a look of reassurance, and that makes the whole thing worse – Leo’s crying in earnest now, “Shit – thought I had more time, Bear. I thought – tomorrow’s the 24th, I – I thought I had more time.”

He’s sad, which makes him angry, which makes him frustrated, which makes him get ugly. In an impulsive act to gain back some bodily control, he’s tossing his phone still in hand across the room – the screen shatters once it hits the fridge, and it’s satisfying for a few seconds before he’s blurting, “Oh, fuck, shit – what the fuck, why’d I – why’d I do that?!”

Bear’s whining once the tears pick up. Leo knew that animals could be empathetic, but this is ridiculous – he feels ridiculous. He can’t really remember the last time he cried, even before Finn was gone, but it didn’t feel so bad when he was around. When Finn was around, Leo used to crawl into his room and let his cousin read to him until he fell asleep.

“Do you like Lord of the Rings?” he’d asked.

“No, shit’s boring.”

“It’s not. It’s fun – it’s smart. You’re smart too, Leo. You’re allowed to admit it. You’re allowed to like smart things.”

There was no Finn, though, not anymore. Leo couldn’t go back home and crawl into his bed, listen to stories of Hobbits and Bagend, and be soothed the way only his cousin knew how to. Instead, he sits in the front hallway of a home that isn’t really his, with a dog that definitely isn’t his, with no one to crawl into bed with.

In the end, Leo really always just thought he’d have more time.

[o-taryn-o]

Watching The Last Jedi Thoughts and Reactions

I’ve been obsessed with reading Reylo fan fiction since the opening night I saw TLJ. Ive seen this movie a lot but thought it would be fun to watch it again and react. I guess I had a lot to comment on Rose and Finn and also DJ. Enjoy~

Wow these opening credits are super vague…

I really love this opening scene it’s 100% my favorite Star Wars opening.

Carrie Fishers daughter is super cool. Hux looks v tired and/or on drugs.

Sansa’s insane aunt from Game of Thrones. Love BB-8, I ship Poe and Hux more then Hux and Kylo tho. “punch it!” I love that they have enough time to say cute one liners when piloting a ship. THIS SCENE IS EDITED SO FUCKING WELL THOOOO. Its literally FLAWLESSLY edited. 2nd “punch it!” When the bombers show up my heart starts beating faster, my favorite action sequence ever. Not even thinking about how theres no gravity in space. I love Paige so much! Have I ever seen a asian woman save the day in a movie ever? Why are her hands so beautiful? I LOVE THE COSTUMES OF THIS MOVIE. I wonder where Kylo is? Finn bb!! I wonder why he’s in a storage room? This movie is SO SEXUAL. Love me some beautiful island porn. LOVE that Luke throws the saber, love subverting expectations. “Master Skywalker?” is so cute I have such a crush on Rey. Wow the huts are so cute. Daisy is literally so beautiful, want to be and also kiss her.  Progs, so cute. Rey literally doesn’t waste anything love it she takes the books later also. “Where’s Han?” and then cuts to Kylo love it. The fuck is a “cur”? ADAM DRIVER fuck. This room is so red, its so pretty. This movie is visually STUNNING. Ben’s hair is fucking glorious, also look at those LIPS! I just want him to be with Rey and happy. Ben is fucking loosing his mind Ryan made him look so broken I love it. “Prepare my ship!” is so sexy. Rey’s accent is so perfect. Literally what Luke said he doesn’t want to do he does by the end of the movie. Love poncho Rey! This island is so fucking cool I need more high quality pictures going around. The green milk is so funny. I love that Rey looks away from the creature in embarrassment but then not Ben’s naked chest. I need to take so many screenshots of this movie, theres so many moments people forget! Rey in the tree, so beautiful, I can’t wait to find out id those books give us any information next film. I hope the next film starts with the vision Rey and Ben saw next film. I want to see Reys dreams. I miss Carrie. 

Poe is so annoying, Leia is so right. What a great line, “get your head out of your cockpit”. How does Finn know what the binary beacon is? THIS is when shit goes down. I really like that everything in this movie goes wrong. “Follow my lead” so sexy. Ben is literally crying feeling his mothers presence. And yet people thing this isn’t a redemption story. *shakes my head* Even The First Orders uniforms are so crispty its beautiful. I really like that Leia saved herself. Finn looks so good in that jacket I’m so excited for his blue pants look. Chewy and Porgs is all I ever needed. The lights in the cockpit of the falcon are really beautiful. The shots in this movie are GORGEOUS. I feel like R2 has a really dirty mouth. I can’t wait for Ben and Rey to escape with the falcon from somewhere and then takeout. IM SO READY.  Luke is kinda creepy? Never liked Luke, Leia should have been the protagonist of the original trilogy. HOLDO is a BABE! Love her look and tone and everything she saids is bomb. I love that she talks about everyone else in the galaxy and the importance of keeping everyone hopeful. Why is there so much sexual tension between Poe and EVERYONE? I do feel like Poe is bi tho. Holdo is RIGHT, Poe is annoying and a dick. Sorry I don’t make the rules. He’s hot but wrong. Finn and Rose are so GOOD, it makes me so happy this whole scene. I’m sorry bb Rose I wish I could give her a hug. “Doing talking…” haha I love Kelly so much. Rose is v smart and I love that she stuns him and then drags him. DRAG HIM GIRL. All the men in this movie are making mistakes and the women are being smart this is true to life. Rose and Finn are honestly so perfect together. Its so annoying that Finn and Poe keep interrupting Rose, also true to life.  Maz in the next movie is gonna be into Reylo. Also “union dispute?” what the hell is Maz talking about? How and why does Poe know Maz? I love sleepy Rey, Ben isn’t even mad when he sees her. He looks her up and down so many times throughout this movie. He’s so in love before she is, its cute. Reys outfit is perfection. What Rey said actually wasn’t completely wrong. “s tension, a balance” REYLO! I love that they go into what the force is in this movie. Porgs on the ship is so cute, so is Rey in rain. Ben with his questions, I like that Ben is actually listening to her to see how she feels about him. HE LOOKED AT HER LIPS! WET GLOVES. Finn is so distracted. Pretty cool looks in the casino, those glasses are sweet. Finn/John is so hot. Love watching Rey with her staff. I need one of those belts. An ICON. Could listen to Rey’s theme all day. I feel so bad for the locals, Reys a little bit of a dick. Right when she decides to follow Luke I need that gif! This conversation is great but all I can focus on is the fact that Luke saids “huberous” twice always makes me anxious. I love space operas. Men failing, *a theme*. “I need someone to show me my place in all this” its Ben baby! DJ is cool, why does nobody talk about him. He’s such a interesting character. BB-8 is a badass. Fathiers are so beautiful. It was unnessicary for them to crash through the window and run inside, this whole case is too long. I can’t believe that they have already filmed most of the next movie. I like that Leia and Luke are talking. Now Reys asking the questions, she’s trying to understand him, she wants to understand him. I haven’t noticed till now how inconsistent their voices are over the force. Sleeping baby Ben is my favorite, with his calligraphy set? Precious. Did he show her his past? Or does she just believe him? I want to see the other cut scenes from Reys storyline. Its really cool to see Rey mirroring herself. This is a really cool scene. I’m so happy Ben has long hair in Episode 9. Bens already crying just from her telling him about how lonely she is!! They are eye fucking rn, I know what that look is. I REALLY WANT TO KNOW WHAT THEY ARE SEEING!!! Luke fucking ruins everything. Ben must be freaking out rn. Yeah get him Rey! I love this fight in the rain. Rey is right. The thing is like how do you know someones completely evil? Who makes that judgement call? This scene is cool, love the look of Yoda. Its a lot of pressure on Rey to continue the Jedi order if she’s the one who knows all the stuff in the books, Im glad she grabbed them. “The greatest teacher failure is”, “we are what they grow beyond” GREAT QUOTES. Rose is a badass. DJ is kinda right tho. “Let me learn you something big” so funny. No one can tell me Rey didn’t wash up and get pretty for meeting Ben. Ben made sure he was the first face she saw, he looks hot. Sweet hacking skills. The iron is really fun editing, they all look really good in the uniforms. The first shot of the elevator scene is so sexual, Ben holding her lightsaber in front of him with her hands in handcuffs. Oofff.  Ryan made this scene as sexy as he could. Its so intimate. They want each other so bad. Rey whispers and leans in. Ben is so soft. His trying to hard to focus on his goal of killing Snoke and saving Rey. Rose is so salty “of course you do”. I feel like everyone puts up with Poe because he’s hot,  because he’s a dick. Another failed plan. Yeah Leia get him! I love that she just shoots. Her daughter surrendering is really funny. Leia and Holdo are so cute I hope they made out one night really drunk when they were younger that was ,y first thought when they held hands. I absolutely love Holdo’s hair. Reys outfit in the throne room is so cool. She’s so strong, Ben is trying so hard to keep it together in the back. Theres no way Snoke bridged their minds. Ben got so scared when he said that. “No” she’s so strong. Ben looks so sad. Oscar Issacs ass is fine! John is really good in this scene and Rose’s scream is terrifying. Murder in Bens eyes. Its really scary that Snoke has so much control over Rey. Rey with Bens saber is all I ever needed. Bens gloved fingers are v sexy. Also THAT FLICK! When they look at each other they know, there in love. THIS FIGHT IS EVERYTHING! When DJ saids “maybe” I felt that. They are so powerful together. I love watching them fight together, can’t wait for the 9! Ben fighting off 3 guards is so hot. Rey dropping her saber and backhanding ir is really hot. Wow this moment is so intense its so quiet. Im so mad Ben didn’t stop the fleet though. The way he saids Rey, why are both of their voices so hot. I need Rey to tell him off in the next movie the way he’s telling off her parents. “Please” murders me. Rey is so smart, she knows he isn’t good yet. This is Rey’s moment of “I know what I have to do” Its crazy that Rose and Finn almost died by being beheaded! The silent part is so beautiful. Why was Phasma so far away? BB-8 in that thing is pretty weird though. Finn is so powerful. He’s super reckless in this film. Rose is so good I want to be her and slide hug her. “Rebel scum” is such a good line. Snokes lower body falling off the throne is super graphic. Ben is so mad Rey left. I can’t wait to see more of soft Ben, I don’t like him choking Hux even though its Hux. Rose and Finn are very lucky they made it below that door. I think everyone always thinks of Rose and Finn as cute and funny, but they are honestly serious and smart. So many people died in this movie. I don’t understand how they aren’t wearing goggles if its salt, they would be crying right now. This run takes a lot more time then it is distance wise. Its so pretty though, so I don’t care. Rey and Chewy saving the day is my favorite thing. “Wooh I like this!” so cute. I love watching Rey shoot. The crystal creatures are so pretty. Finn no! Yes Rose! “I saved you… dummy. Thats how were gonna win, not fighting what we hate, saving what we love.” Rose is right everyone! Listen up! Why does Ben say “no prisoners”, maybe he is bad? I love Reylo I don’t understand I believe in Ben. Is he lying to himself? Could he actually kill his mother? Luke and Leia are so sweet. Also their conversation about Ben makes everything more confusing, so he’s not gone? Aw Luke kissing Leia’s forehead is really sweet. Lukes wink is funny. This music is so good. Finn taking care of Rose is my favorite thing. The editing is so beautiful. Rey in snow >>>> Also “Lifting rocks” how does she know thats what normal Jedi start training with? Ben is such a baby in this scene, he’s so upset. I love that Rey and Finn normalize intimate friendship. Ben is the truest definition of a ‘Dark Prince’ if Ive ever seen one. I’m really glad Luke died here, its time, the sunset it really nice. 

Bens eyes say it all here. Chewy and Leia so sweet. Reys smile is so AWW. Finn putting a blanket on Rose is the best. Rey knows she’s thinking about Ben. “We have everything we need” I bet Leia had a big part in 9 I’m so sad Carrie is gone :(

This last scene with the kids is really the perfect ending, HOPE.

[helloimnotlame]

Anything You Want - Finn Balor Smut

A/N: Hi all ! I tried to make this imagine as realistic as possible to ppl like me with anxiety who cant just throw themselves on the people they like so this one is pretty long and may not be for everyone. I kinda liked this concept too so I may make a part 2. feedback is vv appreciated thanks !!

notmine.gif|OC|giving a bj nice right|best friends turned friends w-benefits|taking risks u go girl

  The ending scene to one of your favorite movies played, your eyes glued to the television so intensely it was probably unhealthy. The final bow that the writers left with you ended, cuing the credits and blooper reel. You were excited on the inside to re-watch one of your faves but concealed it as much as possible so that the man beside you wouldn’t notice too much. This movie was one of few that you could actually watch again and have the same emotions as if it was the first time.  However your focus was more on what the man beside you thought of it.

“Well..What did you think of it?” You gushed, your attention turning to Finn who was draped against the arm of your couch, his leg just barely touching yours. He wore loose fitting black jeans just cupping his legs enough to show off his toned thighs, his torso clothed in a dark grey polo shirt, the off yellow banana socks on his feet complimenting his outfit. 

“Mehh…” Finn shrugged, his face scrunching. His eyes gazed around the room as if to look for the right words to say. He knew you loved the movie and didn’t want to hurt your feelings but knowing Finn, he was brutally honest so you prepared to take the criticism. “It was just…” his Irish accent drifted “A wee cheesy as all , yeah?” That was putting it lightly in his eyes.

Playfully taking offense to it, you gasped dramatically. “Cheesy, Balor, really?” You tried not to pay any thought to his comment as that would escalate in remorse to making him sit and watch a film he didn’t like. “Ya I mean it was rancid, honestly” he chuckled , causing you to shove him playfully. “Take it back, leprechaun” You tease, calling him the word he hated. “Ohh you’ll be sorry” he ruttered before his fingers attacked your sides, sending you into a laughing fit. “Stop!” You cackled on playfully. “Take it back…I can wrestle better than one” he said smoothly, focused on making you squeal.

Everything happened so quickly. One second you were sitting watching a movie with Finn, and the next you had him pinned down your hands cupping his wrists and your legs straddled against the sides of his torso. Your breathing became unsteady as you took the whole situation in, your eyes taking in every aspect of Finn’s face below you. His light blue eyes were glazed with a playful tint, his pink lips formed into a devilish smirk.

“Look at you,….my little diva aren’t ya” he teased, comparing you to the female roster. You couldn’t help but smile lightly embarrassed by your actions. It did look like you were ready to put him in a sort of submissive hold. “Well, diva…” he continued to chuckle. “Looks like you got me pinned down..all under your control..you could do anything you want with me.“ 

Your heart stopped briefly at his words. You could do anything you wanted with him. Maybe he was just saying that, but it didn’t sound like it. It sounded more like a dare - like a challenge to see if you had the balls to actually do something to him. But did you really want to ? Watching him in the ring , and knowing him personally for over a year now you always had the thought but you never acted on it thinking he wouldn’t like someone like you. Maybe this was your chance to show him how you feel.

You could kiss him but that’d be far too abrupt and awkward…and what would come next ? Revenge tickles? He’d hate you for that. You took a deep breath knowing what you were going to do. It was risky and his reaction would be indefinite but after all he was challenging you. With one last gaze into his eyes, you slowly began to creep down his body, traveling down to his jeans. 

As you reached the seam of his pants you felt tension spill into the atmosphere like molten lava. The movie credits reached an end leaving the air empty and dry with just you and your rapid thoughts. The clinking sound of Finn’s belt soon filled it, your fingers fumbling through the lock. You could only imagine what was racing through his mind watching his best friend prepare to touch him closer than ever before. 

“Is this okay?” You whispered shyly, gazing up at him. “Yes-ye Darlin’ please” His voice was shaky yet deep, his Irish accent purring through every stutter. His hands were in the same position you dropped them in, his body limb without hesitation to stop you. Once his belt was off, your fingers pushed the circular button back through the small slit that held his jeans together , the silver zipper attached unfolding along with it revealing his clothed dick through his black boxers. 

Your eyes widened - focused on the big curve. It didn’t look as limp as you expected and seemed as if he was slightly hard even. Could you possibly be turning him on? Taking another deep breath your fingers slid through the opening of the smooth cloth and shyly slipped out his length, his inches filling your hand. His breathing shifted, the sound of each unsteady breath filling the air. You took it as motivation to keep going, setting your thoughts aside and replacing them with action .  His cock was warm in your fingers and you could feel it begin to harden as you stroked it up and down. You gazed up into his now dark glazed blue eyes, them focused completely on you. His pink bottom lip clad under his teeth began to turn white as you worked his length, your eyes leaving his face and back onto his dick. Your tongue ran over your lips to ensure they were wet, prepping to take in his cock. You wrapped your lips around the tip of his cock, feeling his legs tense up immediately as a result.

“Oh..(Y/N).” his voice leaked pleasure and shock although he remained still, letting his best friend taste him. You closed your eyes, letting his thickness fill your mouth, your tongue pressed against his warmth. A stream of moans flew from Finn’s mouth, your lips sending sensations throughout his body. Out of nervousness your lips began to twitch, causing you to pull your lips off not wanting him to notice your shakiness but just as his tip left the comfort of your lips, you felt his hand rest itself on the top your head, almost begging you to keep going. You took the motivation and slid his now throbbing cock back into your mouth. His length slowly snaked its way down your throat, filling it with his pulsing warm dick. Moans turned into growls and his before lifeless body tensed up caught in a trance by the pleasure you were giving him, his accent fueling his grunts. His other hand raked through your hair, grabbing a handful as he prepared to orgasm.

“Oh, please, ..baby” his voice was deeper than you ever heard it before, as he fumbled feeling his orgasm build up strongly, his toned muscles flexing through his shirt with his face scrunching up. You heard one huge growl before your mouth filled with his white sticky liquid, taking you by surprise. Before you could think about it you swallowed his load, the liquid feeling thick as it slid down your throat.

“Oh…” his moan trailed off, relaxing his body back into the couch, satisfied completely. You smirked, slightly excited that you made him orgasm, not knowing you could have that much  of an effect on him. With a great amount of confidence built up his dick slipped from your mouth as you stood up, looking down on Finn who was now sunken into the couch. 

“Anything I wanted right ?” you panted lightly, concealing your heavy breathing from having him down your throat. “Oh my…that was a cheesier line than that-er movie ” he cringed playfully although, you could tell he was impressed by your actions, he panting as well just coming down from his orgasm. “That was amazing though.” he winked, reaching for your hand, taking it into his. “I just…wow-I didn’t know you felt that way” he pushed, his long eyelashes fluttering with every word.

You shrugged, biting your lip. “Maybe I just did what I wanted”. 

[minniekirra]

Thankful for You

Happy Thanksgiving! I can’t wait to try writing some super sappy Christmas fics too! This is some fake dating fluff for Thanksgiving because I love them and sweet potato pie so much!

It was supposed to be a wonderful day. Clarke, Bellamy, Raven, and Wells were all back in Arkadia for Thanksgiving. They met at their favorite diner for their traditional post-Thanksgiving lunch followed by the latest superhero movie. Clarke was in the middle of a tirade about how ridiculous her students were when the door blew open with a gust of cold wind that ushered in a very unwelcome sight. Finn.

Clarke had gotten over her heartbreak a long time ago, but that couldn’t suppress the sudden surge of anger that burst through her chest.

Bellamy (dad that he was) quickly noticed her change in focus and emotion and looked around for the source. His eyes narrowed when he spotted Finn. He wasn’t a fan either. Clarke watched as Raven and Wells turned around in the booth to surveil the scene as well. She held her breath, but Raven just snuggled closer to Wells when she saw him, then turned back around to studiously ignore the shaggy-haired menace who had broken both of their hearts.

Clarke knew it was irrational, but she wanted to snuggle up to someone too. She wanted to show him that she had moved on and was happy. Both of those things were already true, but being single and in love with her best friend wasn’t something she could easily portray from across the diner.

Clarke edged a little closer to Bellamy. Boy, was she ever going to regret this.

“Ummm. Hey, Bellamy?” She said quietly, half hoping he wouldn’t hear her.

“Yes, Clarke?” He asked rather warily.

“Would you put your arm around me?”

He just stared at her blankly. After a moment he sputtered. “I’m sorry, what?”

Clarke felt herself turning a deep shade of red. “Nevermind. Forget I said anything,” she muttered.

She saw Bellamy shoot a glance at Finn, then at Wells and Raven. His confused expression cleared and he shifted to wrap her into him. When the hug ended, he left his arm around her.

Clarke looked up, surprised, only to find Bellamy smiling down at her. “Isn’t that what friends are for?” He asked.

She snuggled into him and tried not to enjoy it too much. It wasn’t for real after all. And in order to make it real, she’d actually have to talk to him.

As they settled back into their conversation with Wells and Raven, a weird thing happened. Nobody even batted an eyelash at their new position. Shit, Clarke thought. She’d been way too obvious. It was a miracle Bellamy didn’t know.

When they had moved on to pie, a shadow fell over the sweet potato perfection that Clarke was about to shove in her mouth

“Hey, guys! What’s up?” The shadow said, rather too cheerfully.

Clarke regretfully put her deliciously loaded fork down and sighed. She snuggled back into Bellamy, ready to watch Finn get his ass handed to him on a very well designed platter.

Raven looked up at him with a whole lot of fire in her eyes. “Hey, Finn,” she said calmly. “What are you doing here?”

Finn looked slightly taken aback. “I just wanted to say hi. You know, just being civil.” He crossed his arms, taking up a defensive position. Clarke just shook her head and squeezed Bellamy’s hand. This was going to be bad, yet so, so good.

“Was it civil when you cheated on me with Clarke? Was it civil when you broke both of our hearts while trying to keep us both? Was it civil when I had to learn about the end of our three year relationship from a friend and Clarke, the first time she met me? I’ll tell you what was civil.” Raven was practically shouting. She stood up. “It was civil when I saw this beautiful blonde girl who you had just crushed and we decided to be adults and friends instead of immature and petty. It was civil when when we just cut you off instead of cutting your balls off. And it was civil when we didn’t pound you immediately when you walked in here, but you just had to come over and make some shit excuse at conversation in order to feel better about yourself and your guilt!” Raven was actually yelling now. She faced off with Finn, toe-to-toe.

Clarke was surprised. She had always known that Raven had it in her, she just hadn’t expected her fire to be so strong. She should have known.

Raven took a breath and immediately her expression changed from fire to ice. She lifted an eyebrow at the dumbfounded Finn, still gaping at her with a little bit of mist in his eyes. “I suggest you leave now.” It was anything but a suggestion.

Clarke knew she should be serious, but is was getting harder and harder not to laugh at his stunned face. He had honestly thought that he could come over and pretend like he hadn’t been the most egregious dick ever.

Finn had nothing left to do but turn around and mope back to his friends. Raven watched him leave, then turned to sit with them again. When she did, Clarke met her eyes and found a glint of humor in them. Clarke giggled. Then Raven joined in. Bellamy and Wells looked at them like they’d lost their minds.

After a while, Raven wiped tears from her eyes. “He looked so scared.” She laughed again.

“As he should.” Clarke reached over the table to grasp Raven’s hand. She smiled. “That felt good.”

“As it should.” They slowly fell back into conversation and finished the delicious sweet potato pie  that had been put on hold. Clarke was practically shining with happiness. Finn had finally been put in his place and Bellamy’s arm around her kept her very warm. She felt very, very thankful.

When they left to go to the movie theatre down the street, Bellamy hung back.

“Hey, Clarke?” He looked a little nervous as he ran his hand through his curls. “Are you ok? You know, with Finn and all?”

Clarke smiled at him fondly. Of course he was worrying about her. “I feel better than ever actually. I’ve never been more free of him, and it was a very long time ago.”

“Good.” Bellamy let out a gust of air and reached for Clarke’s hand. He laced their fingers together, squeezed, and smiled. “I wouldn’t want you to be upset on our first date.”

Clarke’s mouth dropped open and she stopped dead. “What?” It came out much louder than she intended.

Bellamy started to look a little hurt and Clarke hurried to fix what was only surprise and a little bit of indignation. “I mean, I would love to go on a date with you, but this doesn’t count.” Her face relaxed into a smile as his lit up again. She squeezed his hand for all she was worth.

“Why not?” Bellamy smiled mischievously.

“Well.” Clarke cocked her head. “For one, you didn’t ask me and I didn’t ask you, and two, I didn’t even get a kiss.”

“I could fix the second one.” Bellamy’s sweet smile turned rakish as he pulled her towards him.

Clarke looked into his sparkling eyes and found everything she could have wished for. She lifted up on her toes and pressed her lips lightly to his. The kiss was warm.

“There,” Clarke laughed. “I fixed it.” Bellamy radiated joy as he laughed, then squished her against him.

“You fix everything,” he mumbled into her hair. Clarke wanted to stay like that, being slightly cold, almost suffocated, and yet warm all over.

When they finally pulled apart, Clarke grabbed his hand and said, “I’m glad you like me back because I won’t always have Finn around as an excuse for a good cuddle.”

Bellamy laughed and squeezed her hand. “Well I love you back so you’ll never have to worry about not having cuddles again.” Clarke beamed. At least Finn had been good for something.

[c-rankin93]

SHE'S NO YOU - Background + Ch.1

As promised, it's here! ###PLEASE READ THIS BEFORE READING THIS FIC!!### A/N: This book is based in 2016, in New York City. Finn is CEO of his own company, and his Ex-wife Rae is a Senior Architect at her Friend Chloe's Company. Together, they have Two beautiful children, Josh who's 7, and Ruby who's 6. Both in there mid-30s, thry despise each other after an ugly divorce. They are both very family oriented, both with plenty of Siblings. I wanted a different twist to my MMFD fic, especially for Finn.  Rae (32): Linda (65) & Karim (50) (step-dad to all siblings), Robert (38) + family, Julian (35) + son, Mark (34). Rae + Siblings: dad passed away when Rae was 6 months old. He wasn't very loving, and died a lonely man. - Finn (35): Gary (69) (Finns mum non-existent) & Veronica (58), Natalia (31) + family, Daniel (25) + GF, Mika (23), AND FINALLY FINNS LAST BROTHER IS... ARCHIE! (33) Just to explain Finns family... Finns mum and Gary had a small fling before he started dating Veronica. Finns mum Julie turned up with a 3 month old baby boy claiming it was Gary's (this point he was seeing veronica). She gave Finn to Gary and took off with a wad of cash.. never to be seen again. Finn calls Veronica ma, and is the only mother he has known. Together Gary and Veronica had Archie, Natalia, Daniel and Mika. (DNA tests confirm Finn is Gary's son) - SO much information to take in, but I thought I'd give you a bit of information about everyone. Chloe, chop, archie and izzy will have aperences in this book but I wanted this to focus more on Rae and Finn!! As always ignore my grammar mistakes and spelling! Not too good at editing. --- CHAPTER ONE - DIVIDE --- "Kids hurry up, your father will be here any minute now" I yelled up the stairs whilst I finished organising their weekend bags. It was a constant battle to get them moving after 6pm. If it wasn't to go to the toilet or get food, I swear my childen wouldn't shift away from that idiotic TV. "Josh! Don't forget to pack your inhaler this time" I called over my shoulder. "There's no freaking way I'm dropping that off again" I mumbled to myself, thinking about the awful scene. He called me lousy mother for not packing it, and I called him a dick for not double checking it was there. Yep, it wasn't a Rae and Finn 'chit-chat' without a smidgen of abuse thrown around. Verbal abuse, of course. He wasn't a violent person, but a slip of his tongue could pack a punch. "Got it mum" Josh smiled. His spiderman onsie was a little big for him. It had been flying off the shelves when I walked into Target a few weeks ago. I grabbed the closest one, running away from the dog pile mother's had formed in the Isle. He looks adorable, and turns out they are his favourite pj's. Bonus! "Good. Now can you please tell your sister to hurry up and brush her teeth whilst I finish getting ready" I cooed. When he turned around, i cheakily patted his bum. I chuckled at the little scowl he gave me. It always reminded me so much of his father, it was honestly heart breaking. The little facial expressions he gives you, and them chocolate brown eyes were everything. Joshua did make me miss the man that tore my life apart, just that little bit more everyday. I went to the mirror, trying to ignore the small argument that was going on from the upstairs bathroom. Currently, (by the sounds of things) Ruby is giving her brother another ear full about using her princess toothpaste; very expensive toothpaste may I add. Even at the age of 6, I could see my little girl becoming a diva. I re-applied my nude lipstick, smacking my lips together for effect. Then straightened out the skirt of my black dress, making sure there were no wrinkles. Lastly, I tussled the soft curls in my hair, and deemed myself acceptable for the rest of the population. It was already 7:25pm, and I had a company dinner at my one of my families restaurants. It was still a 20 minute drive by taxi (if the traffic was good), and at this rate I was going to be late for the 8pm start. Between the kids messing around upstairs and Finn's tardiness, my frustrations would soon boil over. I say 7pm, he comes 30 minutes late. Of course, I couldn't expect anything better from the deceitful man. "Mooooom, do we have to go to dads? Can't I just come with you?" "Ruby we've been over this four times-" I sighed. "But-" "No! It's your dad's weekend and your going to spend time with him honey. He loves you. He wants to spend time with you" I ran my fingers through her curly brown hair that was a complete mess on top of her head. Another thing for him to complain about I guess. "I love daddy too. I just wish she wasn't there all the time". I couldn't help but awkwardly drop to my knees in front of my little girl. I lifted her chin and kissed her plump cheek, this seemed to become a annual accurance everytime she was set to spend every second weekend with Finn or even the two school pick ups he did on Tuesday and Thursday. I couldn't stand the bitch she was talking about as much as the next person, but I couldn't tell a 6 year old that. It sadden me that she felt this way but the one time I tried to express that to my ex-husband, he went off on another crazy rant about slandering his girlfriend to our children. It nearly caused us another day in court.  "You need to tell daddy that" I stroked her cheek and got to my feet just as the bell rang. "I don't want him to be angry with me..." she sniffed. I could see my daughters eyes glisten with unshed tears. As a mother, you never want to see your children cry, doing everything in your power to make them happy. This unfortunately was something that I couldn't help fix, without world War 3 breaking out in my living room. "Baby he would never get mad at you. Now go get cleaned up and hurry back. I'll go let daddy in" she nodded, headed back towards the bathroom whilst I went towards the large wooden door of my town house. "Finally" Finn grumbled as I opened the door. He stood there in his work clothes, since it was a Friday night I understood why. He looked as dashing as always in his suit and tie. I was glad he went for the light colours today, normally it was always red and black. He looked handsome. As always. "Well hello to you too" I mused sarcasticly. Leaving the door open, I didn't even wait for his grunt reply and just simply went to the kids suitcases. "Everything is packed. Josh now has two puffs of his inhaler at night as well as in the morning, just until his completely over this small cold he can't seem to shake. Doctors aren't worried but it's just for precaution". "Why wasn't I notified about this doctors appointment Rae! I'm his father I should of been there" Here we go again. "I did call your office, your mobile was busy..." I slipped on Joshua's jacket on his shoulders, not even bothering to acknowledge Finn whilst I talked to him. "I left a message with your assistant-girlfriend whatever. If she didn't give you the message then it's not my problem". "RUBY, HONEY. HURRY UP OR MOMMY WILL BE LATE" I called just before I heard the pitty patter of her feet. "Hey dad" Josh cuddled his dad once i finished buttoning up his jacket. They had always had a strong relationship, it's something I've admired. From birth he cared more about his father's soothing voice then the women that carried his little body around for nine months. Not that I cared, I was glad that their relationship was so close, I always had my little boy but Finn had his mini me. You could tell that made him proud. "Hey buddy, how was school?" A genuine smile radiated Finn face. He crouched down so he was looking up at Joshua whilst he talked about his day, and how Mrs. Thorne gave him a gold star of his creative writing story.  "Hi daddy" Ruby's timid voice sounded off when she walked towards her brother and father. They both didn't notice, so I didn't feel the need to acknowledge it either. Another kick to the stomach, as a mother. "There's my beautiful little girl! Have you been keeping mom and joshy on their toes" he grinned picking up ruby's little body and giving her a squeeze. "Well Joshua has been using my toothpaste again..." I left them to talk by the door and ordered a taxi. I looked at the time again as I slid on my coat, and grabbed my bag off the kitchen counter. 7:40pm. I was definitely going to be late for the dinner start, but I new they wouldn't be ordering food til at least 8:30pm. Thank God. "You two go to James and he will help you guys get into the car" he nodded to his driver who stood waiting. "I'll grab your suitcases and meet you there. I just have to talk to mommy, Ohkay?" They both nodded, then gave me both a kiss goodbye. Trotting off towards James yelling Hello as they got situated in the car. I waved towards James and smiled, he had once been my driver when Finn and I were married, he was a lovable old chap that use to talk my ear off. I miss our little chats. "Where are you going?" The question didn't come across one, more of a demand to tell him why I was dressed up and heading out on this rare occasion.  "Work dinner. Not that it's any of your business..." I couldn't help but flush at our proximity. This was probably the closest we had been in years, and that was only because he was standing directly in my way. "Your little boyfriend not taking you out I see, how disappointing". He smirked watching the anger build within me. He knew I was a ticking time bomb, I always have been. I can't help that I take after my mother in that aspect but he has no right talking about Greg and our Relationship. Yes, we have both 'moved somewhat on'. "Excuse me! What does Greg have to do with this Finn" I sneered. "What about your girlfriend where's she? Spending all your money on another boob job?" Shit. Why did I have to open my big, fat mouth. He fed me the bait, and I took it. "Liv is actually at her sister's house if you must know. Tonight it's just the kids and I" I relaxed when he didn't scream back at me. It was still weird to watch his demeanor go ridged, and know I was the one to cause it. "And if you must know-" I fucking knew he would have more of an input. "I quite like Liv's tits the way they are, firm and perky. Unlike someone I know, maybe you should get yours done". "You mother fu- how dare you fucking body shame me! These 'saggy' tits of mine fed both of your kids for nearly two years each, giving them the best start in life. You asshole" His face was stoic, but I could see in his brown eyes there was a hint of underlying sadness- regret even. "Rae I didnt-". "Get out!" "Wait-". "I said get out of my house Finn. Now! Before I grab our kids out of that car. How dare you treat me like that". I was too mad to cry, too angry to even care anymore. Even though Greg and I's sexual relationship wasn't as active as I hoped, I knew for a fact he liked my body. After two kids, who used my body like a factory I was proud I managed to maintain my weight for once. No more late night snacks, and unhealthy foods. I didn't want to go back to my former obesity stage, high school was not kind to me. He grabbed the suite cases with a sigh and headed for the door just as the taxi pulled up. No more words were exchanged. We both knew it would damage this non existing relationship more. -- There's chapter one... I hope you liked it. And there will be more too come. If you want to be tagged just tell me. If not, it's all cool bro :) @lily-pop-2 @eveerez @i-dream-of-emus