#honestly the Slaughter would probably be a bit higher on the list if I didn’t hold an old grudge but too bad because I sure do! | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

soveryanon · 5 years ago

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Reviewing time for MAG166!

- It still amuses me that the end of the season 4 put to the foreground that the architecture of the Fears was extremely subjective, a way to try to perceive and describe them that wasn’t exactly it since they’re fundamentally indivisible… and yet Jon is back to using the division. It makes sense! The list of fourteen was, after all, used in Jonah’s incantation as he made it so that fourteen facets would reshape our world, with Beholding on top (MAG160: “all that is fear, and all that is terror, and all that is the awful dread that crawls and chokes and blinds and falls and twists and leaves and hides and weaves and burns and hunts and rips and bleeds and dies!”); the fact that Jon was marked by these fourteen, and the fact that Jon had an understanding of the Fears as a divisionto in fourteen, also probably influenced the way they reshaped reality into what it is now. We see the lines blurring (the “trenches” with sprinkles of Desolation, Corruption, Buried; the “sick village” with bits of Beholding fears and Lonely existence; the carousel with the logic of The Hunt; maybe a bit of Desolation with this one), but it also seems like Jon&Martin will have to experience thirteen domains before reaching the place The Eye is at its more powerful, The Panopticon/Institute? Jon said he knew what he was doing, he’s been gradually describing the process a bit more, and he’s still using the Smirke designations:

(MAG162) MARTIN: Back to the Archives? ARCHIVIST: Seems the best place to start. [RUMBLE OF THUNDER] MARTIN: Uh… Y–eah, alright! [WOODEN CREAKING SOUND] ARCHIVIST: Martin… It’s going to be a hard journey.

(MAG163) ARCHIVIST: It means the journey will be the journey, regardless of how we choose to make it. […] You could see that tower from anywhere on Earth. And it can see you. And if you walk towards it, eventually you’ll get there. But you have to go through everything in-between. […] MARTIN: What do you mean, “everything”? What’s out here? ARCHIVIST: […] Nightmares. [BANG IN THE DISTANCE] Come on – that trench is our first.

(MAG164) MARTIN: How much further do we still need to go? [STATIC INCREASES] ARCHIVIST: A long way. Through many dark and awful places…

(MAG165) MARTIN: But. You said we needed to go through these places. … Is that even going to work here? ARCHIVIST: Uh… [EXHALE] We need to go through them… metaphorically. MARTIN: Mm… ! ARCHIVIST: Psychologically, we need to… “experience” them. […] You might want to take a bit of a walk. This… feels like a strange one… [LOUDER SCREAMS IN THE DISTANCE] MARTIN: What does “strange” mean, with something like this? […] I kinda want to hear that tape now, see how artistic The Stranger actually is.

(MAG166) ARCHIVIST: I… It’s hard to put into words. Loo–l… [SIGH] Look, we can talk about it later, we’re– coming to a… “domain of The Buried”, and [STATIC RISES] I would really rather… […] [LONG EXHALE] God, I hate The Buried. [DEEP BREATHS] … End recording.

Since Jon told Martin the trenches were their “first” nightmare, the cabin didn’t count. So we got The Slaughter, through The War and butchery; The Corruption, through fungi and paranoia/xenophobia (the sick love and hate, the sense of community turned wrong); The Stranger, through the carousel, the identity-stealing and the loss of self; The Buried, through limitations, poverty and the crush of a system only allowing for unobtainable hope – The Stranger and The Buried even being namedropped outside of the statements. So what “rips”, what “crawls”, what “hides” and what “chokes”.

Still remaining: what “blinds” (Dark), what “falls” (Vast), what “twists” (Spiral), what “leaves” (Lonely), what “weaves” (Web), what “burns” (Desolation), what “hunts” (Jonah didn’t even bother finding a synonym for The Hunt, uh.), what “bleeds” (Flesh) and what “dies” (End). And we already got glimpses of the Spiral and Web’s activities through Helen and Annabelle. I think the hardest for Jon and Martin, given their own life-experiences, will probably be The Web and The Lonely? Though given that Annabelle is finally revealing herself, it might be a way to get them the Web-experience without going through a physical domain (though if there is one, I’d still bank on Hill Top Road on their way to the Panopticon).

- Same thing as in MAG164, where the enemies were “pigs” and “rats” and thus had animal’s faces to the other side’s eyes: people felt like “worms” during their lives, so were turned into beings which operated like ones:

(MAG166) ARCHIVIST: “When had the crushing pressure in his chest become literal? When had the empty promise of the horizon finally vanished completely, replaced by the pitch darkness of this ‘forever wall of earth’? […] His existence was static, and eternal. […] But these things, grim and fearful as they were, were not unfamiliar. The aching hunger was not new, not simply a gift of the eager soil. He had flashes of an empty belly not assuaged by hands, cracked and calloused from long, grim hours of labour. There was a shadow in his mind of sleepless nights, spent toiling, tired and shaking, desperate for some relief from the relentless pressure that crushed the life of the man who had been Sam – before he was a worm. And a worm he surely was, for what else could spasm, crawling limbless through the ground, millimetre by millimetre, making its lonely way towards some secret destination no human could understand? Perhaps he did still have arms or legs or the luxury of both; but down here, it was impossible to tell, pressed so close together that to draw a line between a torso and a folded, bending limb was pointless. If it moves like a worm, thinks like a worm, and screams its awful agonies towards the distant taunting sky like a worm… well. The conclusion is obvious.”

(I… didn’t mentally represent them as “worms” in my mind, but really like humans who had bent and discoloured due to the lack of sun and the conditions they were living in.)

So, nightmare logic, in which metaphors and similes (people who were condemned to poverty, stagnation and a crushing life of debt) become literal, and reshape people’s world.

This season reaaaaaally isn’t escapism (and is even plain unpleasant/disgusting at times for me) when it comes to inter-personal violence, with victims consistently furthering other victims’ misery: soldiers killing each other while trying to alleviate their own pain and nurses turning their backs on the injured (MAG163), villagers blaming “foreigners” for the village’s misery, telling on each other to protect themselves and burning the targeted person as retribution/protection (MAG164), fair-goers salvaging and robbing each other of shards of identity to alleviate their own pain (MAG165), people tearing each other to pieces to try and improve their chance of “climbing” to a better place (MAG166). It’s, honestly, the aspect that makes me the most uneasy this season, and “sweet” JonMartin moments don’t really help at all to alleviate these upsetting bits – I’m not really feeling “fear” or “horror” (mostly disgust and discomfort), and Jon&Martin being cosy and domestic just feels… out of place and almost disrespectful at times, honestly…? ;; (It doesn’t really work as a “compensation” or as a way to try to erase the aftertaste when people are still suffering and living hell…)

However, this episode did assuage my concerns a bit regarding what is truly condemned, what is truly held responsible, and where the narration seems to be standing in regards to accountability:

(MAG166) ARCHIVIST: [EXHALE] [STATIC RISES] “Down; down; down, down. [STATIC FADES] Down below the earth, there was a worm. He had not always been a worm, of course, but time and tide and life had pushed him to it. His name, he dimly recalled, was Sam; and he was, as definitely always had been the case… trapped. Boarded on all sides with no escape, and no recourse. Even in his faint and fading memories of a life that wasn’t simply stone and rancid, reeking soil, he wasn’t sure he’d ever known a thing that might be called freedom. […] Poor Sam has no way to know his neighbour’s name is Richard, that he once struggled in a life as hard and desperate as his own. That his dreams of the light, and painful screaming climb towards it, is just as keen and gruelling. All that matters is that this new worm is facing up; and Sam, because of how he entered the tunnel, is facing down. How do you fight, when you cannot move beyond the slowest inching crawl, without limbs or weapons or the kinetic force of violence? You do it slowly, pressing, biting; tearing gradually through each other until at the very end… one of you is still. There is no light, for Sam is faced away from it and blocking it from his opponent. But even were it bathed in stark illumination, no one could have said for sure where the sticky mud ended and the ragged, bloody faces began. A cloying mass of teeth and tears and torn skin, as two terrified victims… slowly chew through each other, over a distant hope that neither would ever be allowed to achieve. When it is done, Richard is dead, or quiet enough as makes no difference, and the tunnel belongs to Sam. It is identical to the one that he has left, in all ways other than that he had to do an awful thing to get it. And still, he faces downwards. […] But at last, Sam has his victory: he has claimed another tunnel, and he can see the light. Perhaps this one will be better, will let him squirm up higher. But underneath is still that lurking fear that maybe… it is worse. [RAIN BEGINS TO FALL, HARSHLY] The truth is plain enough, though, even as he fights so hard not to know it – there is no difference. [THE BURIED SONG FADES] And as the rains begin to fall once again, he knows the world will never let him escape the depths to which he has fallen. Better to keep him Buried, neatly away.”

I felt that the pity was more obvious than in previous statements, and it tied in neatly with Helen’s and Jon’s explanations of how the new world operates: that there is a system, feeding on people’s pain and suffering, creating circumstances in which their options are reduced to causing more harm or allowing others to inflict it on them, but that fundamentally, the system feeds from it, is dependant on it, and is at fault in the first place. I was really really fearing that we were heading towards a “oh, actually, it’s HUMAN NATURE, and HUMANS ARE FUNDAMENTALLY BAD” conclusion, but no, this episode made clearer that the series is still on the “side” of humans – and denouncing oppressive systems that rely on their suffering, orchestrate everything to squeeze it out of them, pit them against each other and make collaborative efforts impossible. Yes, in the story, Richard would rightfully have grievance to have been gored by Sam; but Sam didn’t get any benefit out of it (outside of surviving a bit longer), unlike The Buried and The Eye (who put them there and are fed by their distress). Jon spitting “God, I hate The Buried.” afterwards highlighted that he was extremely conscious of it.

… It does however raise a few questions regarding avatars’ and monsters’ own accountability, and I felt like Jon’s discomfort this episode might lead towards more in that regard (but more about this later). I’m also a bit ;; going back to being worried about how season 5 will end: I’m not that much “worried” over Jon and Martin meeting a tragic end (it’s a given anyway, and they’re main characters, I’m fine with that), but I’m concerned about humanity as a whole. How do you go back to normal after living these nightmares of tearing each other down? Can you even do that? And, if the system is at fault: it would feel very odd if the outcome were for Jon, outside-of-the-box yet a necessary gear in the system, to be the one to undo it and fix everything (only someone inside of the system could undo it and be a Saviour to all of humanity? Suuuper weird). I’m thinking more and more than… no, there won’t be anything, no way to “fix” this and to separate the Fears from people, and either people will be stuck like this forever, either Jon will (accidentally or not) provoke an Extinction cataclysm to free them from their misery – which is… well, “main characters get to decide the fate of all humanity” is honestly not my cup of tea. The most hopeful scenario I can picture is Jon creating enough of a fracture to allow people to regain some agency in the nightmares, allowing them to collaborate and to fight against the fears on their own, but I’m really not sure. There was a big theme in the episode of The Buried relying on the hope that things could get better, pushing you towards an unreachable goal only to rob it from you and basking in your misery before the process begins again – it’s… uncannily fitting to Jon&Martin’s current quest, their hope of managing to do something about the apocalypse.

- On a lighter note: so we finally know why the Coffin sang when it rained!!

(MAG002, Joshua Gillespie) “It was almost… melodious. It sounded almost like singing, if it was muffled by twenty feet of hard-packed soil. At first I thought it might have been coming from one of the other flats in my building, but as it went on, and the hairs on my arms began to stand on end I knew, I just knew, where it was coming from. I walked to the living room and stood in the doorway, watching as the sealed wooden box continued to moan its soft, musical sound out at the rain. […] And so it continued for a few months. Whatever was in the casket would scratch at anything placed on top of it and moan whenever it rained, and that was that.”

(MAG101) [LOW BACKGROUND SOUNDS, POSSIBLY VOCAL; VOICES SOUND AS IF SOMEWHERE BELOW GROUND] […] NIKOLA: Now could you two please move that thing somewhere far, far away? BREEKON: Not really. HOPE: Needs to be near us. NIKOLA: Well, just… just move yourselves away, and take it with you. BREEKON: Gotcha HOPE: Right you are. [CHAINS RATTLE AS THEY PICK UP THE COFFIN AND DEPART; CHORAL HUM FADES, REPLACED BY BACKGROUND SOUND OF RAIN OUTSIDE, SOMEWHERE]

(MAG132) DAISY: I, I, I can’t move, I can’t… and I can’t… breathe, and… ARCHIVIST: Oh god… DAISY: [LABOURED] Just… alone, I, I think… I think… I hear this, sometimes, s–singing, when it’s, uh, when it’s wet, or, or scratching, trying to get out… but I don’t… I don’t th… don’t think there is anyone… there; it’s… it’s just, just me… ‘till now.

(MAG166) ARCHIVIST: “Until the rains begin to fall. The rains fall here as they do so many places in this new world: thick, and oily drops that taste of bitter salt; torrential tears plummeting from the watching sky, thumping and squelching onto the thirsty soil in which the worms writhe painfully towards a surface that does not want them. [THE BURIED SONG BEGINS, RISING IN INTENSITY] The ground softens. Shifts. And starts to slip and flow into a torrent of black mud. [RUMBLE OF THUNDER] Deep below, Sam feels rain begin to drip upon his forehead, and he knows exactly what it means. He wants to scream again, but he is so tired by his ascent that the only sound he can produce is a low, defeated wail. And as has happened so many times before in his poor defeated life, he feels the walls begin to shift and soften, as the slippery flood pushes him down; down; [MUFFLED THUMP] down. [MUFFLED THUMP] Deeper, perhaps, than he has ever been before, so deep the light is almost gone, but never is the darkness fully complete.”

Same as the calliope music last episode, I really wasn’t expecting to hear the Coffin song again. And it was the echoing “defeated wail(s)” of people trapped inside of it, knowing they would get their hopes once again crushed by the rain pushing them back down. (So Daisy&Jon probably contributed to the song when they were whimpering because of the pressure getting worse, in MAG132…)

- I love (and cry about) how the Coffin expedition remains a lingering trauma for Jon – he was marked by all fourteen, but it really feels like out of them, Mr. Spider, Jane Prentiss and the Coffin impacted him the most in the entire show?

(MAG132) ARCHIVIST: Right, hum… [CLEARS THROAT] Uh… [STATIC] H–how are you feeling? DAISY: Uh… Scared. I–I’m, I’m, I’m scared. I’ve been scared the whole time here. Not just when it’s, when it’s cr–crushing, when it f–fills your, y–your mouth with d–dirt… I–it knows when to stop, wh–when to ea–ease back, so you don’t… don’t lose it or, or grow numb… L–leaves you terrified for when it s–starts a–again and, wh–when it does, you, you’re s–scared that it’ll… n–never–never stop… I thought, thought I’d… I’d ne–never see the s–sky again, never… never s–see Basira…

(MAG133) ARCHIVIST: And give Daisy a break. She was there eight months. [EXHALE] I was only in there for three days, and I– BASIRA: Yeah, I know. I just…

(MAG136) DAISY: [QUICKLY] You’re not babysitting me, alright?! I know that’s what the others think, sometimes, but… that’s not it. I just… don’t like… being on my own if I can help it. You know. Flashbacks, panic attacks, the usual. Just trying to avoid it if I can. ARCHIVIST: I know, Daisy, I–I do. It’s hard.

(MAG166) ARCHIVIST: [LONG EXHALE] … God, I hate The Buried. [DEEP BREATHS] … End recording.

;; Of course Jon would be most sensible to The Buried’s logic of repeatedly giving hope and denying a positive outcome: he was deeply impacted by it although he “only” experienced it for three days (so. It was really bad.), and it might uncomfortably resonate with his current journey – after all, Jon and Martin are heading towards the Archives in the hope that they could fix the mess, without any certainty that they will be able to. It’s making them move forwards. But it has also been stated in MAG162 that The Eye wanted Jon/the Archive to “emerge” from the cabin – what if Jon&Martin were only pushed to make that journey, motivated by hope, just to further entertain Beholding when there is no chance in the first place that they could ever succeed?

- I really appreciated how Jon’s outburst mirrored the first time he had revealed his true feelings about his situation to Martin, back in season 1:

(MAG039) ARCHIVIST: I still think most of the statements down here aren’t real. Of the hundreds I’ve recorded, we’ve had maybe… thirty, forty that are… that go on tape. Now those, I believe, at least for the most part. MARTIN: Then why do you– ARCHIVIST: Because I’m scared, Martin! Because when I record these statements it feels… it feels like I’m being watched. I… I lose myself a bit. And then when I come back, it’s like… like if I admit there may be any truth to it, whatever’s watching will… know somehow. The scepticism, feigning ignorance. It just felt safer. MARTIN: Well… It wasn’t. ARCHIVIST: No. No, it wasn’t.

(MAG166) MARTIN: Sure! Okay, that’s… I mean, that’s really not that complicated, Jon – I don’t see why you were being so coy about it! ARCHIVIST: [OVERLAPPING] Because I’m ashamed, Martin. MARTIN: … “Ashamed”? ARCHIVIST: Yes! Ashamed of the fact that I… destroyed the world and have been rewarded for it; the fact that… I can walk safe through all this horror I’ve created like a fucking tourist, destroying whoever I please; the fact that I… enjoyed it, and… the fact that there are… so many others, that I still want to revenge myself on! [EXHALE]

Jon keeping it all in until it’s too much, until Martin probes him and he has to explain the actual feelings motivating him. Back then, the “worms” were The Hive threatening them from outside the safe room, an enemy and an invader which hurt and killed people; back then, Jon was assuming that there was nothing left of Jane Prentiss as a person, and that it was just a monster going after them. Now… the “worms” are miserable people, pressured by exterior forces feeding from them, pushed to do terrible things for survival and hope, right under their feet. Enough of an echo, but enough to also highlight how the main “enemy” seems to have shifted, from punctual monsters to the Fear-machinery itself?

- I spent the whole time since MAG142 not-super-fond-of-Jon, and I’m surprised that this episode made me genuinely side with him so much! Mostly, he said things that I have been needing to hear from him? It worked better on me than the previous moments Jon had expressed guilt about his new abilities and what had happened:

(MAG161) MARTIN: Well, just as well I don’t remember my dreams. ARCHIVIST: I do. MARTIN: Uh– What? ARCHIVIST: They… I see most of the suffering around here. When it’s quiet, it just… it’s like… I can see it, like I’m watching all of it. MARTIN: You haven’t been opening the curtains? ARCHIVIST: No, I don’t need to. “It” can see us here, and… [WOODEN CREAKING SOUND] And I can see out as well. MARTIN: O–kay, we’ll just file that under… ominous, for now. […] Jon, it’s not your fault… ARCHIVIST: Martin, can we not do this again. MARTIN: Sorry. ARCHIVIST: I’m just… I’m mourning a world I killed…! MARTIN: I know… ARCHIVIST: And we’re all trapped in its rotting corpse…! MARTIN: [FIRMLY] Enough, Jon.

(MAG164) ARCHIVIST: Look, I’ve no interest in your… gloating. HELEN: What would I have to gloat about? Much as I am delighted by this brave new world in which we find ourselves, I can take no credit for it. This was all… you! ARCHIVIST: You could’ve–! … You knew what was happening. […] HELEN: Oh, such devotion…! You really don’t deserve it. But of course… you know that already! [LAUGHS AND LAUGHS, ECHOING] This is nice! I am really glad we get to spend some proper, quality time together now.

(MAG166) ARCHIVIST: [SIGH] MARTIN: … Ssso, are we going to talk about it…? ARCHIVIST: [INHALE] MARTIN: Or…? [FOOTSTEPS STOP] [BAG JOSTLING] ARCHIVIST: What’s to talk about. MARTIN: What happened back there? What you did to Sa– … ARCHIVIST: Go on. Say it. MARTIN: … What you did to “that thing”. ARCHIVIST: I… killed it! [SILENCE] I… finally have the power; so I killed it! […] MARTIN: Sure! Okay, that’s… I mean, that’s really not that complicated, Jon – I don’t see why you were being so coy about it! ARCHIVIST: [OVERLAPPING] Because I’m ashamed, Martin. MARTIN: … “Ashamed”? ARCHIVIST: Yes! Ashamed of the fact that I… destroyed the world and have been rewarded for it; the fact that… I can walk safe through all this horror I’ve created like a fucking tourist, destroying whoever I please; the fact that I… enjoyed it, and… the fact that there are… so many others, that I still want to revenge myself on! [EXHALE]

Obviously, I don’t blame Jon for having been used to unleash the apocalypse; but I’m still relieved to know that he feels guilty about it, and, more importantly here, that he’s uncomfortable with his current situation. Because Jon, even if he didn’t actively pursue that goal, even if he didn’t embrace being an agent of Beholding relying on other people’s pain (whether he “chose” it or not is debatable since… Jon still made the “choice” of waking up in MAG121, and had enough information at the time to know what that was meant to encompass)… still is. He’s still feeding from this world, operating through it, able to know everything he wants. He’s not trapped in one of the nightmares, forced to go to War, or taken over by fungus, or prisoner of the gory carousel, or buried and crushed with no way to reach the sky. Jon was powerful enough to understand what the cabin was doing to him, and to leave it, and to go towards the Panopticon, and to observe the nightmares without being taken over by them:

(MAG163) MARTIN: J–J–Jon, Jon, w–we’re not alone. ARCHIVIST: I–ignore them, they’re not… Just ignore them. MARTIN: … They’re not… real? [VOICES SHOUTING IN THE DISTANCE] ARCHIVIST: [MIRTHLESS CHUCKLING] No…! They’re real; they were… normal people before the– … Before me. But now they’re here, meat for the grinder. I just mean there’s no point… talking to them. […] They won’t hear you, Martin, they’re all… too busy waiting to die.

(MAG164) ARCHIVIST: We’re fine. MARTIN: A–are we? I mean, that place is– … I don’t, I don’t feel fine, okay, and you were there a long time doing your… y–you–your guidebook, which, you know, I get it, but that place is… I–it’s–it’s infectious, and, I don’t– ARCHIVIST: We’re not infected, Martin, that place, it– … It isn’t for us. […] MARTIN: Are we safe, traveling like this? ARCHIVIST: Yes… Yes, sort of, we’re… I don’t know how to phrase it, we’re… something between a pilgrim and a moth. We can walk through these little worlds of terror, watching them; separate, and untouched.

(MAG165) MARTIN: Just get back! [THUMP] NOT!SASHA: I can’t believe you’d decide to pass through my neighbourhood and not say hello, to – dear – old – Sasha. ARCHIVIST: Just ignore it, Martin. […] God forbid you actually catch us. NOT!SASHA: [FURIOUS SNARLS] ARCHIVIST: Doesn’t bear thinking about…! MARTIN: Jon, what are you talking about? NOT!SASHA: [FURIOUS SNARLS] ARCHIVIST: She can’t touch us. We’re so far beyond her now. NOT!SASHA: [FURIOUS SNARLS] ARCHIVIST: She’s just like everything else here, rules by The Eye. [CHUCKLING] And she hates it…!

Jon hasn’t mentioned getting “hungry” since the beginning of the season, and Jonah had announced that Jon would be tailored for this new world, and Jon has already demonstrated that, by his own nature, he is, more than anyone:

(MAG160, Jonah Magnus) “Don’t worry, Jon. You’ll get used to it here – in the world that we have made.”

(Season 5 trailer) MARTIN: Are you still… [SIGH] “feeling it”? Seeing everything? ARCHIVIST: Yes, I, I’m trying not to, but… all of the fear, th–the anguish, i–it just… [INHALE] It keeps coming at me in waves, rolling over me, filling my head with such… awful sights. MARTIN: … I’m sorry. That sounds… [SMALL EXHALE] That sounds horrible. ARCHIVIST: … I wish it was, Martin. I really wish it was. … But it feels… right. [MIRTHLESS HUFF]

(MAG161) MARTIN: Jon, I… This isn’t healthy. ARCHIVIST: Healthy? I am an avatar of voyeuristic terror, whose unquestioned craving for knowledge has condemned the entire world… to an eternity of torment, “healthy” i–isn’t, i–it’s not…! MARTIN: Fine–fine. I get it. [CREAKING SOUND] ARCHIVIST: … Besides… G… [SHAKY EXHALE] Grief… is healthy. I–if nothing else, it pushes away the other feelings that that… thing wants me to experience.

(MAG162) ARCHIVIST: This cabin. [WOODEN CREAKING SOUND] It’s not right. And, when I thought that, I–I felt… It, it all poured out of me down… into the tape. MARTIN: [SIGH] ARCHIVIST: A–a–an–and it… felt good. It–it felt… right.

(MAG163) MARTIN: … How do you know all this stuff? [SILENCE] ARCHIVIST: Not sure…! I just do.

(MAG164) MARTIN: A–alright, but… but how do you know that– ARCHIVIST: I just do. I just know it. [SILENCE] [SHUFFLING] MARTIN: You’ve been knowing a lot lately. ARCHIVIST: … Yes. MARTIN: A lot more than you used to. ARCHIVIST: Y… [SIGH] Yeah. And it, it feels more… deliberate. L–like I have more control now. MARTIN: Okay. So… how much can you see? What else do you know? ARCHIVIST: Uh… Maybe everything…! MARTIN: What’d you mean, “everything”? ARCHIVIST: I don’t… Ask me a question. O–one I can’t… possibly know already. […] HELEN: Hello, Jon! [FOOTSTEPS] [THE DOOR CREAKS CLOSE] ARCHIVIST: [INHALE] How did you find us? HELEN: Oh! I thought you’d know everything by this point. […] And please: my name is “Helen”. ARCHIVIST: Like you said, I can know everything now. Including how much of a lie that really is. HELEN: Don’t mistake “complication” for “falsehood”, dear Archivist.

(MAG166) HELEN: We’re all here, Martin. The Stranger; The Buried; The Desolation; all of us. But The Eye still rules. All this fear is being performed for its benefit. And so, there are now exactly two roles available in this new world of ours: the watcher, and the watched. Subject, and object. Those who are feared, and those who are afraid. And Jon, well… he is part of The Eye; a very important part. And he’s able to, shall we say… shift its focus. Turn the one into the other. And for those of us whose very existence relies on being feared, well… To be turned into a victim destroys us utterly. And very, very painfully.

Sure, Jon needs to “pour out” into the tapes when they’re near a domain, but it takes fifteen minutes and it is done. He has a way to fix that discomfort.

So: yes, not responsible. But I still needed him to feel guilt about it, to feel ill-at-ease with his status as an “observer” (especially the outburst about being a “fucking tourist”: because YES, it’s extremely uncomfortable to hear him narrate these pockets of people’s suffering so he himself can feel better, untouched by it, lightly bantering with Martin?), to still reject his own enjoyment because he continues to cling to a moral compass (inflicting pain, even on a monster, shouldn’t feel good and satisfying), to be afraid of what he can do with his powers. Helen was right that “guilt” and “sadness” alone didn’t prevent Jon from doing terrible things last season (he felt guilty about attacking people, yet still concealed it, still clung to the hope that it wasn’t really him doing that… and did nothing to prevent further victims. There should have been only one victim of it at most, not five); but in that situation, it was also guilt and disgust that prevented him from embracing it like Helen had done, and from just accepting it as his new reality. Guilt, grief and sadness are not ideal, sure, but what would be the alternative? Indifference?

- ;; Really glad that Jon is not happy about what he did to the Not!Them and what it implied, because the circumstances in which he did… were terrifying.

* Jon had just established to Martin that the Not!Them couldn’t reach them, could only taunt, that it was stuck in a situation it hated, “ruled by The Eye”. It wasn’t a threat to them.

* Jon didn’t use his powers against it because it was hurting innocents – Jon turned against it because it was taunting him about Sasha. Jon did out of an outburst of flaring anger, disregarding everything else (and might have made its victims’ situation even worse, since the carousel was creaking in a dangerous-sounding way when they ran off).

* It was a personal revenge and Jon… spent half of season 4 with Daisy. Jon knows intimately how personal revenge and killing monsters tend to turn you into a monster, how it’s never-ending, how you can’t both be judge and executioner. (Adelard Dekker feels like he managed to navigate well-enough in that, but: we saw him tracking monsters when and while they were hurting innocents. He was by no means perfect either: after all, he discussed his theories with Peter Lukas… while there was no way he didn’t know that Peter was a Lonely avatar, and Peter acknowledged that he was mostly left alone (ha) because he was staying in his lane. That still involved sacrificing innocents.)

* Jon directly invoked Beholding when killing the Not!Them, used his connection to The Eye to do it. If the “feeding what feeds you” logic still applies: yes, on the one hand, it means that people’s suffering (from the Not!Them) fed The Eye, and Jon used it back against the Not!Them to exterminate it. On the other hand: still feeding the Fear-machine, still using the system, still feeding The Eye, given how it delights in overall suffering no matter the source.

* There is something very concerning about the fact that The Eye wanted Jon to leave the cabin in the first place (MAG162: “This place wishes to be our tomb. But The Eye does not wish that. No. [STATIC INCREASES] The Eye wishes instead that it be my chrysalis. It is time that I emerge…”), so it’s probably benefitting from what he’s doing… right now.

- I wonder if we’ll get something concrete about The Archivist’s connection to The Eye, since it’s been mentioned multiple times that that title has a special status when it comes to being connected to the Fears:

(MAG079) NOT!SASHA: I wonder, if I wear you, will I really become the Archivist? Rob The Eye of its pupil? Probably not. Better to just kill you, I think. Yes… I think that would be best.

(MAG120) ELIAS: And at last, the Archivist looks up. [STATIC INTENSIFIES] At last, he looks into The Eye that sees all, and knows all, and clutches at the secret terrors of your heart. The Ceaseless Watcher of all that is, and all that was; the voracious, infinite hunger that tears at his soul, invoking him to discover, to observe, to experience all and everything and forever. It stares into him, and it stares out of him, and he is falling into the devouring eternity of its pupil. He wants to cry out in horror, but he cannot. He. is. whole.

(MAG161) ARCHIVIST: They… I see most of the suffering around here. When it’s quiet, it just… it’s like… I can see it, like I’m watching all of it. MARTIN: You haven’t been opening the curtains? ARCHIVIST: No, I don’t need to. “It” can see us here, and… [WOODEN CREAKING SOUND] And I can see out as well.

(MAG166) HELEN: And Jon, well… he is part of The Eye; a very important part. And he’s able to, shall we say… shift its focus. Turn the one into the other. And for those of us whose very existence relies on being feared, well… To be turned into a victim destroys us utterly. And very, very painfully.

- I’m not really surprised at Martin thinking that killing the Not!Them was not that bad and that they could keep doing that, since he… wasn’t against violence himself when confronting monsters: Tim had to discourage him when facing Michael, Martin burned statements to get Elias to focus on him; Martin wasn’t against killing Jonah’s real body per se in MAG158 either, he just didn’t want to participate in Elias and Peter’s game (unaware that sparing Jonah was, incidentally, making Jonah win). That last one might have made it worse for him, since killing Jonah might have killed a lot of Institute members… but he and Jon would probably have survived, and the apocalypse would have been avoided. It’s possible that Martin might be especially down for violence right now if he feels like it might fix things or make them less bad? Since the beginning of the season, he’s been occasionally down for it (at least in theory):

(MAG162) ARCHIVIST: No, no, lo–look… I, I–I was listening, and I–I was filled with this… hatred. This anger; I–I wanted to leave, and hunt down Elias, a–and…! MARTIN: W–wow, okay… […] So should we… destroy it, before we go? [WOODEN CREAKING SOUND, BUT LOUDER AND CONFRONTATIONAL] [DISTANT RUMBLE OF THUNDER] ARCHIVIST: I honestly don’t know if we can. MARTIN: Hm. ARCHIVIST: Besides, there’s… far worse out there. Better to try and avoid it, I think. MARTIN: We’re not even gonna try? We, we’ve got your lighter, maybe we could just– ARCHIVIST: We can’t fight the world, Martin. MARTIN: [AMUSED DEFIANT HUFF] Says you. ARCHIVIST: [WITH A SMILE] Let’s go.

(MAG165) ARCHIVIST: [PANTS] MARTIN: … Whoa–oh–oh! ARCHIVIST: I, uh… MARTIN: What was that?! ARCHIVIST: … I–I destroyed it. [ECHOING CREAKING SOUNDS] Ki–killed her.

(MAG166) MARTIN: [LONG EXHALE] [SILENCE] … No; no, I actually think you’re good on that front. ARCHIVIST: … What? MARTIN: Yeah, I, I–I think we should go for it, get our murder on. ARCHIVIST: Sorry, what?! HELEN: [DELIGHTED] Yes, Martin! MARTIN: Thi–this isn’t like it it was before! We’re not talking about… innocent bystanders in cafes here, Jon; these things are… th–they’re just evil. Plain and simple; and right now they’re torturing and tormenting everyone! If you want to stop them and have the power to, then… then, then yeah, let’s do it, let’s go full Kill Bill!

… possible because he wasn’t around Jon during season 4. Jon saw that the lines were blurrier than he wanted to think: since Jane was “afraid” when she gave her statement, since The Hive was probably still (partially) her, when did she become a monster? Jon has been wronged by so many people – but what about Daisy, who confessed that she had wanted to kill him for months, and who apologised and developed a genuine friendship with him after the Coffin? How could Jon decide who “deserves” to die and who doesn't, if his personal feelings are the only judge? We spent part of season 3 and a good amount of season 4 focusing on avatars’ trajectories, how they arrived at their current situation; at which point is a human’s turning into an avatar not “simply” being pressed by their circumstances and when do you become guilty of truly “serving” and benefitting from the Fear-machinery? Echoing the episode’s statement: wouldn’t Richard have every right to seek revenge and murder on Sam, since Sam butchered him? If Jon’s own victims were to declare that he should die, wouldn’t it be their right, since he wronged them and was a “monster” to them, following the same logic? And moreover, Jon knows, first-hand, that his own powers were dependant on his feeding from people: these are not clean powers, these are a direct result of other people’s pain. Martin’s situation regarding the fears has been different: when we saw him using Lonely powers to avoid Georgie, it didn’t seem to have cost something to anyone else than himself. And Martin’s overall way of dealing with monsters/avatars, unless he was overpowered, was to make out the best with whatever power he was given (like using Peter’s knowledge to leak what info he was gathering to Jon&co). What I’m concerned about is that Martin is absolutely failing at taking Jon’s discomfort into account: it’s already there, and it was obvious that Martin wasn’t convincing him. So. Could very well develop into full-blown conflict, or, at least, put a strain on Jon’s desire to confide to him (since Jon sounded… a bit out of it/almost sulking between Helen’s departure and the beginning of the statement? Martin, the fact that Helen was super-excited about what you said is a big indicator that NOP, you don’t want to encourage or enable Jon’s potential for violence ;;)

- I’m still ;; worried about this bit Jon said, starting the season:

(MAG161) MARTIN: It just… It hurts me to see you wallowing, like this. ARCHIVIST: [SHARPLY] Well, some of us weren’t able to cut ourselves off from the world before it ended. [WOODEN CREAKING SOUND] MARTIN: That’s not fair. [SILENCE] ARCHIVIST: [SOFTER] No, it’s not, I’m, I’m sorry, I just… [RUSTLING OF CLOTHES] [INHALE, EXHALE] It hurts.

“some of us weren’t able to cut ourselves off from the world before it ended” seemed extremely heavy back then, so… I’m still thinking that it might have been a reference to his Lonely-isation and that there are still lingering consequences as of now? A lot of Martin’s interaction with his surroundings outside of Jon still sounds extremely performative to me:

(MAG163) MARTIN: Good. Good. [SILENCE PUNCTUATED BY PANTING] … J–J–Jon, Jon, w–we’re not alone. ARCHIVIST: I–ignore them, they’re not… Just ignore them. MARTIN: … They’re not… real? [VOICES SHOUTING IN THE DISTANCE] ARCHIVIST: [MIRTHLESS CHUCKLING] No…! They’re real; they were… normal people before the– … Before me. But now they’re here, meat for the grinder. I just mean there’s no point… talking to them. MARTIN: Don’t be a prick, Jon. Hey! I’m, I’m sorry about him. He’s–he’s going through a lot – well… we all are, I suppose, but well… “Hi”, I guess. [SILENCE] Hello? ARCHIVIST: They won’t hear you, Martin, they’re all… too busy waiting to die. MARTIN: Jon… […] It’s dangerous. Could… get yourself blown up, like all these poor… [PLASTIC RATTLING] Who d’you think they were? Really don’t see why we can’t just… go round, picked a better place to… [STEPS THROUGH LIQUID] [SIGH] I guess there… aren’t really any “better” places anymore, are there? [STEPS THROUGH LIQUID] It’s all this. Or worse, or… or different.

(MAG165) MARTIN: Hm! [SILENCE] D’you think we could get that experience just… walking along the edge? Because, uh… [LOWER] I really don’t like the look of those riders. ARCHIVIST: Would you believe me if I said they were the victims? MARTIN: … At this point, I’m not even surprised. […] Well, did it stir any feeling in you? ARCHIVIST: Yes! “Nausea”. Because of the horrible things in it! MARTIN: That’s not quite what I meant. […] I kinda want to *hear* that tape now, see how artistic The Stranger actually is. ARCHIVIST: Or just look up. [SIGH] See it for yourself. MARTIN: Uh… Hm. No. No thanks. Trying to avoid thinking about it, actually.

(MAG166) MARTIN: [SIGH] [SILENCE] [BAG JOSTLING] … Kind of wish the apocalypse had some magazines. … A–ac–actually, no, second thoughts, probably not. Mmh! Def, definitely not. [BAG JOSTLING] [SIGH] Come on Jon…! How long does it take to describe… “scary mud”… [STATIC] [LOUDER, CLOSER HOWLS] [GASP] Oh, o–okay – okay, okay, sorry, sorry! Sorry.

(Before, I would have said that Martin would have accepted it if Jon wanted to sacrifice himself in order to save the world. Lately, I’m thinking more and more that he could be ready to leave the world to rot if it means keeping Jon alive/safe.)

- Regarding Helen’s binary:

(MAG166) HELEN: And so, there are now exactly two roles available in this new world of ours: the watcher, and the watched. Subject, and object. Those who are feared, and those who are *afraid*. And Jon, well… he is part of The Eye; a very important part. And he’s able to, shall we say… shift its focus. Turn the one into the other. And for those of us whose very existence relies on being feared, well… To be turned into a victim destroys us utterly. And very, very painfully.

… Where does that put Martin?

Where does it put Basira, if she’s tracking Daisy?

Melanie&Georgie, given how Georgie doesn’t feel fear anymore and Melanie is out of the Watcher’s grasp?

(And if Jon can turn one into the other, does it mean that he could technically turn a victim into something that is feared?)

- I’m also pondering about the denunciation of the Fear-system because. The idea is that, amongst the humans, there is no winner. I’m not sure I absolutely trust Helen when she classified beings between “those who are feared and those who are afraid” given how such a huge amount of turned-avatars (so, those who are now feared) were initially motivated by their own feelings of fear… including Jonah. There have been a few mentions of him since the start of the season, setting him up as The Big Bad, and! Obviously! Why wouldn’t he be! He is the worst! He killed, manipulated and engineered other people’s suffering for his own safety! He was the one destroying the world for his own benefit!

(MAG161) MARTIN: [SIGH] Gloating, Jon. [CREAKING SOUND] Elias won, and there were some tapes he’d kept for himself, and he wanted to gloat. So, he sent them! ARCHIVIST: He’s not… MARTIN: I–I don’t see– ARCHIVIST: … “Elias”. MARTIN: Jonah, then. I don’t know, I find it hard to think of him as… I don’t really like to think of him!

(MAG162) ARCHIVIST: “This place wishes to be our tomb. But The Eye does not wish that. No. [STATIC INCREASES] The Eye wishes instead that it be my chrysalis. [WOODEN CREAKING SOUND] It is time that I emerge…” [STATIC REACHING A PEAK] [CRIES OUT] [COLLAPSES] […] MARTIN: Look, Jon, I… I, I know it hurts, but you’ve just got to… ARCHIVIST: No, no, lo–look… I, I–I was listening, and I–I was filled with this… hatred. This anger; I–I wanted to leave, and hunt down Elias, a–and…! MARTIN: W–wow, okay… ARCHIVIST: But, when I thought it… the–there was… [WOODEN CREAKING SOUND] There was something else. Th–this place, it… it didn’t want me, it… [WOODEN CREAKING SOUND] didn’t want us to go. […] MARTIN: Do you think it’ll do anything? Confronting Elias? ARCHIVIST: [INHALE] I… [SIGH] Maybe?

(MAG164) MARTIN: What about Elias? [STATIC INCREASES] ARCHIVIST: He’s inside the Panopticon; the tower, far above the world. MARTIN: That one? ARCHIVIST: Yes. [PAUSE] MARTIN: How is he? ARCHIVIST: Hard to say. The, the way this works, this… “new sight”, the knowledge is, is… [SIGH] It’s somehow wrapped up in the Panopticon? An eye can’t… see inside itself. MARTIN: Mm. ARCHIVIST: But I can feel him in there. MARTIN: Hm. That sounds… gross. ARCHIVIST: It is! [CHUCKLES]

(MAG166) HELEN: It’s very satisfying though, isn’t it? Teasing out vague information; you see why Elias got a kick out of it. ARCHIVIST: Shut up! MARTIN: Jon…!

But I’m also wondering: at which point during the 19th century did it turn out that he was “rotten”? His actions went from someone afraid that others could ruin the world and condemn him (and others) to eternal suffering, to seeking to end the world himself in order to ensure him a better spot? He didn’t create the Fears, they already existed – the Fear machine already existed before him.

I don’t know how to explain, but I’m less and less confident that he’s good and fine in the Panopticon at the moment? And given Jon’s shame regarding the Not!Them, not sure either that Jon… is meant to smite him too, or to feel any catharsis in the process if he does?

(It’s a weird thing to say, but I get the impression that if you want to make someone like Jonah crumble, you don’t really have to deal with him as a Worthy Opponent and a master manipulator in control of the situation; you have to look down on him and shatter his ego by telling him “I forgive you; you, too, were just a pathetic tool manipulated by Fears, after all.”)

(- Am squinting a bit about the “We’re not talking about… innocent bystanders in cafes here, Jon” mention since: yes, it would make sense that this would come to Martin’s mind, since he took Jess Tyrell’s complaint. But it could also be a narrative reminder that this thing happened, because they’ll cross the path of one of Jon’s victims again soon?)

- SQUINT about Helen being assumedly oh-so-very-busy and yet hovering around the boys so much, and saying she is delighted about the new world… when the Not!Them made it clear that it was still feeling the pressure of The Eye. Could be because The Stranger and The Eye were kind of opposites on the spectrum (Dark avatars might not be pleased either) but HUMMM.

(MAG164) ARCHIVIST: What – do – you – want. HELEN: To be friends again! All three of us! ARCHIVIST: [AGGRAVATED SIGH] HELEN: Look at this place, look at this… [DEEP INHALE] wonderland! This is the world now, and we are strong and free! There’s really no reason for us not to hang out. [SILENCE] [SCOFF] Goodness, he is in a mood. Has he been like this the whole time? […] Anyway. Sorry to love you and leave you, but I must dash. It’s a very busy time for me, lots of things to do, people to… well. You know! ARCHIVIST: I don’t doubt it. [SILENCE] MARTIN: … What? HELEN: Just… taking a moment to look. You two are just such an adorable couple! ARCHIVIST: Enough! [THE DOOR CREAKS OPEN] HELEN: See you soon!

(MAG166) ARCHIVIST: Don’t get too close. [THE DOOR CREAKS OPEN] [DISTORTION’S STATIC] Hello, Helen. HELEN: Oh, hello! [FOOTSTEPS] In a better mood, are we? Feeling more secure now you’ve learned how to kill~?

Helen. Do you have a genuine death/destruction wish that you’re trying to hide / can’t reveal because that would be too straightforward? How come you’re not trapped in a pocket nightmare either, but coming and going like this?

- cRIES and pours one out for Tim, as Martin is taking on the mantle of pop-culture references:

(MAG040) TIM: There were loads of them. Some jumped at me as I ran inside so I dodged out the way, but ended up sprawling into this pile of boxes that I thought were case files. Instead, I found myself lying on top of a whole bunch of CO2 canisters – which are damn hard by the way. The worms were still coming, so I used them. I mean, I went full Gas-Rambo.

(MAG116) ARCHIVIST: Do you– … Are you going to keep it together? TIM: Look. If you’re worried I’m gonna go all… Redrum and start hacking off random waxworks, don’t be. I’m not gonna give us away. I want this to work.

(MAG166) MARTIN: Thi–this isn’t like it it was before! We’re not talking about… innocent bystanders in cafes here, Jon; these things are… th–they’re just evil. Plain and simple; and right now they’re torturing and tormenting everyone! If you want to stop them and have the power to, then… then, then yeah, let’s do it, let’s go full Kill Bill! ARCHIVIST: [LOW] I, I, I haven’t seen it…

(eisduje not surprise at all for Jon but also HIGHFIVE I haven’t seen it either.)

- Martin had said that he would answer the phone ;;

(MAG163) MARTIN: Uh… Jon? [OLD PHONE RINGING] Uh, Jo–Jon, the, uh, the payphone that’s… here, for some reason, it’s–it’s ringing? [OLD PHONE RINGING] Jon, is–is that… [ASKING AROUND] I–is anyone gonna get that? [OLD PHONE RINGING] … Unless it’s for me? [OLD PHONE RINGING] [SIGH] Yeah, it’s for me. Uh… nnno. [OLD PHONE RINGING] N–no, no, I don’t think so, actually! Hum, thanks, but that, that sounds like a really… terrible idea! [OLD PHONE RINGING] Hm, sorry! [SILENCE] … Huh. Wwwell, alright then! [BODIES WADING THROUGH LIQUID] ARCHIVIST: Martin, you need to keep up. It’s not safe. … Martin? You okay? MARTIN: Uh, I… Th–ther–there was a phone – that phone. ARCHIVIST: … Oh. MARTIN: It… Yeah, it was ringing? ARCHIVIST: Oh. Right… Did you answer it? MARTIN: No. ARCHIVIST: Hm. [INHALE] Probably for the best…! MARTIN: Yeeaahh.

(MAG164) MARTIN: Okay, okay, uh, what else, what else, hum… Oh! Hum, uh, who was, uh–uh, phone – hum, wh–who was calling me? [STATIC INCREASES] ARCHIVIST: … I think it was Annabelle Cane. MARTIN: Hm. ARCHIVIST: That’s… weird, I, I know The Web was wrapped around that phone, but, but I can’t… see her. A–at all. At least with Georgie and Melanie, I have a vague sense they’re still alive, i–in London, and, or– Well, what was London. [STATIC DECREASES] But Annabelle…? Nothing. [STATIC FADES] Hm. MARTIN: W–well, I’ll… I’ll ask her, next time she calls. ARCHIVIST: Well, I know that’s a bad idea…! MARTIN: What, do you? ARCHIVIST: … Okay, no, that one was a… very reasonable guess. MARTIN: Ha!

(MAG166) [MUFFLED BUZZING] MARTIN: … Oh, god, what now? [FOOTSTEPS] [MUFFLED BUZZING] [FOOTSTEPS] What, seriously? A spade? [MUFFLED BUZZING] Isn’t that like kind of… I don’t know, insensitive? Given where you are? [MUFFLED BUZZING] [SIGH] Fine, fine! Fine. [BAG JOSTLING] [SIGH] [SHARP METALLIC SOUND] [EARTH BEING DUG UP] [MUFFLED BUZZING] [NOKIA RINGTONE, MUFFLED] [MUFFLED BUZZING] MARTIN: For God’s sake…! [WIPING HIS HANDS] [NOKIA RINGTONE, CLEARER] [MUFFLED BUZZING] [BAG JOSTLING] [BEEP] MARTIN: Hello? ANNABELLE: Hello? Is that Martin? MARTIN: Don’t do that. ANNABELLE: What? No stomach for games? MARTIN: Well, your “games” aren’t exactly fun for everyone, are they? ANNABELLE: Very few games are…! MARTIN: [SIGH] Look, look, look, I’m talking to Annabelle Cane, right?

* SOB because in his conversation with Jon in MAG164… he say that he would answer, but I’m pretty sure that Jon took it as a joke, and didn’t think that Martin truly WOULD.

* The irony of Martin having to DIG with a SHOVEL, when he had been the one to read that statement in season 3. (Was it a genuine coincidence, or a nudgenudge from Annabelle implying that she was already watching him back then?)

* Laughing really hard because OF COURSE, a Nokia would survive the apocalypse. (Francisco Tárrega’s “Gran Vals”, recognisable despite the years!)

- I. really. wasn’t. expecting. to hear Annabelle so soon and so casually. To just speak over the phone.

I’m amused, because her conversation with Martin reminded me a LOT of my first impressions of Elias in MAG017: I was already spoiled that he was a big bad, and yet, he had struck me as non-threatening and boring? But I’ve Learned, so I obviously don’t trust, but I’m still “!” that I’m getting the same impression with Annabelle right now.

(Also, it’s very funny that Jon gave her such a carnivorous edge while reading her statement in MAG147 and she… felt almost chill and courteous here.)

- Obvious squinting that she didn’t say who she was:

(MAG166) MARTIN: [SIGH] Look, look, look, I’m talking to Annabelle Cane, right? ANNABELLE: You never gave me your name – so why should I offer mine?

If she hadn’t been credited as “Annabelle Cane”, I would have seriously doubted it was really her, but there were the credits. Still, squinting a bit? (And squinting a bit at how she teased Martin: was it a jab at his non-existent middle name, furthering that she was keeping a close eye (ha) on Jon&Martin?)

- I!! Don’t know!! What!! To!! Think!! Of her call!!

(MAG166) MARTIN: Just, what do you want? ANNABELLE: *I* want to help you, of course. [SILENCE] MARTIN: … No. Thank you. ANNABELLE: It’s a hard place to find yourself in, maybe I can be of some… assistance…! MARTIN: You can assist me by giving the… “creepy phone” thing a rest…! ANNABELLE: He is more powerful here than he’s ever been, isn’t he? [PAUSE] And you’re not sure what that means for you. MARTIN: [INHALE] I’m hanging up now. ANNABELLE: Does he even need you at all?

And that’s the most Web thing, isn’t it? Making you unsure whether she’s trying to manipulate or is just saying random things, and which direction she is pointing towards? Why dig at Martin’s potential insecurities regarding Jon not needing him? Is it to plant a seed of doubt, like what had happened to Agnes (MAG139: “A tiny… hairline fracture, which destroys everything.”)? Technically, Jon “needing” Martin was already a point covered with MAG159 when Jon got him out of The Lonely’s influence: Jon did say he needing him, but he also did bigger, he chose Martin (and made Martin see “him”). Which doesn’t invalidate the possiblity that right now, it could be hurting Martin, given that… he was used to act as a caretaker for so long, and Jon is absolutely in charge at the moment. Is Annabelle trying to get Martin to take risks? Is it to alienate them from each other? A few possibilities:

* It’s for shits&giggles, she was mostly introducing herself for later but didn’t need any particular reaction out of Jon & Martin at the moment (but hey, free snack).

* She needs them to go their separate ways for some reason and is stirring up conflict to make that happen; whether it’s to prevent them from reaching the Panopticon, or because she needs them elsewhere. Saying it outright would make Jon categorically refuse because it’s The Web, so she’s using a roundabout.

* She… is preparing them for The Lonely-zone, making sure that insecurities/potential sources of conflicts are worked out NOW and not later, to up their chances of making it to the Panopticon?

Right now, I’m anticipating Martin’s reactions: will he hide the phone conversation from Jon? Will he share what happened, what was said? Has he kept the phone? Will Martin try to “fix” the problem by taking unnecessary risks…?

(- WOW, ANNABELLE IS VERY GOOD AT TIMING HER PHONE CALLS FOR WHEN JON IS AWAY, ISN’T SHE. HOW FUNNY THAT BOTH TIMES SHE CALLED, THE RECORDER HAD CLICKED ON AND SHOWN THAT MARTIN WAS ALONE ALREADY, BEFORE THE PHONE RANG.)

… It feels extremely weird to realise that “next episode is MAG167”. 7th episode already; last season, it was the equivalent of “Remains To Be Seen” (do you sometimes just Think about Dr Jonathan Fanshawe and his vitriolic letter). So little has happened, and yet… already quite a few things? I feel like we learned things about past (and dead) characters this season, mostly; a few things have been installed (Helen visiting Jon&Martin, the Distortion’s corridors set up to be relevant; Annabelle finally revealing herself; Jon’s new activity of “pouring” into the tape recorders; the current goal of reaching the Panopticon requiring to “metaphorically” experience the Fears and witnessing their domains; Jon’s status as The Eye’s favoured son and/or an extension of it; Georgie&Melanie’s status being conspicuously unclear; Basira still after monster!Daisy; Jonah still at the Panopticon; the hints about setting the building on fire; the fact that there is a faint hope of undoing the apocalypse, altogether with it being complicated), but since MAG163, the series has mostly been following a new formula without much new things happening to Jon&Martin themselves? Season 4 was the outlier in that regard.

Anyway: season 5’s titles make the content harder to guess, though they make sense in retrospect, and MAG167 feels the same! No strong conviction but potential ideas: Vast (because space reference + something about the drive); I saw someone suggest a potential connection with Daisy (and! It would be a clever one) so could be Hunt, with monster!Daisy and Basira at the end…; Flesh (am thinking about something Jared said); Spiral (because kind of how the Distortion works); Beholding, and specifically OG!Elias somehow (have we listened to all the tapes Jon&Martin had received?). I see how there could be a connection to that too, so potentially a glimpse of Georgie&Melanie (and The Admiral)?

#the magnus archives #tma season 5 #mag166 #long post/#tma spoilers/#tma liveblog

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imaginingit · 6 years ago

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high school au!haechan

GUESS WHO’S BACK !! in case you’ve never met anyone that embodies SUCH a typical high schooler like hyuck before, here u go ! may or may not have done the quarterback and band geek trope . i regret nothing

oh BOY

first of all

let’s backtrack a little bit and talk about middle school!haechan too cause...,,, dude is a Mess

was the sketchy one in seventh grade that sold like g-shocks and silly bands at the hill in front of the park every lunch recess

had a power ranger lunchbox all the way up until he was like 13 lol when yukhei would be like.....hyung......What.

during the summer when the school staff are making up the lists for the classes everyone’s like

“nO no way he’s in a class with renjun, renjun is the only person he’ll ever be afraid of i can’t have that dispute in my class”

“um. hyuck can’t be in the same class as jisung either...i once saw him try to feed jisung yellow snow saying it was lemon flavoured... poor boy believed him...”

“mark’s mother gifted me a box of chocolates last year with a note thanking me for my hard work and begging her son to be in a different class than hyuck. sorry, guys.”

the principal looks over all the lists and is like UM these are bullshit reasons, just put all of them together, how bad could it be???

ahem. BAD.

every science class starts with chenle and yukhei SCREAMING the bill nye theme song do u guys watch the vlives my GOD i thought chenle was hard to keep up with and nOW THERE’S LUCAS

dodgeball during phys-ed is just haechan, yukhei and jeno absolutely slaughtering everyone

mark has his headphones in the entire time in art class and if one of the guys try to talk to him he just raises his finger and shushes them

jeno and jaemin flirt

renjun, chenle and yukhei trying to win jisung over and then ending up just swearing at each other in mandarin

anyway

has been the football captain since he was at the youngest age that was eligible to even sign up,,,,, he’s that good

always always makes mark walk home with him after practice

so mark just sits on the bleachers with his bio textbook in his lap and glasses slipping down his nose, pages just flying left and right from the wind, bored out of his mind like fUCking hyuck i hate u i hate waiting two hours for practice to end just so you can show me your new pokemon cards at home ffs

everytime there’s practice before school, he’s always the last one to stay on the field, promising coach he just wants to try another long catch

SO because he’s always late this BITch just runs straight to first period with sweaty hair and practice clothes and athletic tape still on his fingers

renjun: you disgust me.

jaemin: here’s my deodorant. and jeno’s. and jisung’s. here take all of ours take it please just take it oh my gO d

loves this sport more than absolutely anything honestly

his entire bedroom is just full of patriots posters and banners

his mom pranked him on his birthday telling him to open the box on his bed with pats tickets inside

ran upstairs crying hysterically and fucking opened it to find a picture of his siblings going HA YOU THOUGHT

resented them for the rest of his life

but this boy also really loves music!!

always performs a ballad every year at the school talent show with jisung doing some sort of contemporary performance

his parents are both fans of old schoolers, like abba & elvis & beatles such, so he grew up with the beautiful combination of football on the tv and ‘mamma mia’ spinning on the record player in the kitchen

during his final middle school year, he performed a version of his favourite park hyoshin song, and finished with the entire school in uproar, cheering and screaming HYUCK HYUCK HYUCK!!! YES!!!

and so he puts the mic back on the stand and runs down the stage to his teammates waiting in the crowd

so excited and and ready to jump into their arms

only to witness a couple of them standing there motionless and checking their wrists, as if waiting from the start for his performance to be over

he sees the defensive tackle of his team, some dude that probably shaves twice a day and is beefed BEYOND belief

“hey man, abt time you’re done, coach wants to run over some plays for next week’s game against yg tech, let’s go”

and that was it

the hoard of guys in letterman jackets pull him into their midst and before he could even complain, they mercilessly make their way to the gym as a group

with renjun, chenle, jaemin, jeno, mark and yukhei all just standing there like ... o ... ok ... we just wanted to congratulate u, hyuck...

donghyuck never brings that moment up ever and the dreamies don’t question (yes lucas is a dreamie square up)

from then on, they notice hyuck’s been humming less and isn’t even commenting about day6′s new releases or how renjun’s grandfather bought a brand new record player from the most expensive record store in their town

donghyuck continues being the school’s star quarterback and having meetings with minor league scouts every week

they know it’s a touchy topic and being as close as they are with each other, they don’t pry hyuck about it and knows he’s the type to hold it in but will bring it up when he has to

but unlike what they all think, hyuck doesn’t explode in anger or spite

he finally opens up on a regular friday night when mark’s sleeping over after finishing a hefty assignment

and mark is surprised that he prods on this topic with, not anger or spite, but ,,,,, fear?

“hey mark.......what if this is the only thing i can do?"

“what do you mean?”

“i don’t want to just be some brainless jock”

mark is a little... stunned... he’s known him all his life and this is the first time hyuck has shown any sign of fear?? of anything???

mark just scootches in a little closer....”you’re not brainless, and this won’t be the only thing you’ll be good at, i promise”

BUT OF COURSE they never speak of it again hyuck’s just kinda like hahahahahha emotions what ahahahah sadness what ahahhahah

but graduation hits and before the dreamies (and yukhei hehe) know it, it’s time for high school

all the upperclassmen know him and think he’s a little shit but love him anyway, so embraced him and all his friends when they entered

fascinated by how much wider the hallways are and how BIG the school actually is

gets lost MORE FREQUENTLY THAN HE’D LIKE TO EVER ADMIT OUT LOUD .

tryouts for the football team are on like the second day

was so excited!!!! to play with his close hyungs and co-captains jaehyun and youngho

coach personally came up to him and was like .... boi it’s so rare for a freshman to be on the varsity team, hERE’S YOUR JERSEY NUMBER AND YOUR LOCKER AND YOUR EQUIPMENT AND YOUR OWN PERSONAL PRACTICE SCHEDULE I’LL WORK AROUND U IT’S OKAY

is treated automatically like the superstar at the first official practice and honestly doesn’t ..,,know how to handle

he’s only always been around his middle school friends, aka people he’s known all his life and who know he doesn’t like being smothered

donghyuck knows he’s good but again, will anyone ever look him past the football?

mark sees all this new attention he’s getting and his heart silently breaks a bit knowing hyuck doesn’t truly want all of this

the football, yes !!! the clout, not really

but hyuck is a freshman!! and knows he can’t speak up quite yet so he endures this superstar status already bestowed on him and forces his uncomfortable smile away

it’s ok !! he tells himself

it’s good to be recognized for something you’re good at ..,, right ?

but as years pass and seniors graduate and championships continue to be won, hyuck slowly climbs up the popularity pyramid with it too

so by the first day of senior year, having just recently started getting close with the captain of the cheerleading squad and throwing the biggest party of the summer break as a last hurrah a few days prior, hyuck walks into the high school doors as the talk of the TOWN

all those stereotypical popular pretty boys you see on tv namely um troy bolton um austin ames um finn hudson um scott mccall um YES

that’s literally him at this point

loved by all students for being a social butterfly and not ??? an asshole ??? to those that aren’t as popular

teachers adore him cause he participates in class and always hands assignments in on time despite his student schedule and always gifts them little holiday baskets at the end of every semester

renjun had junior year chem with him and almost threw his paper out the window when he saw hyuck’s mark

“how are you this good ,,,,,,,, when you don’t even DO anything?!”

point is, he’s at the top of his game

and this year, senior year, the stakes for the championship are higher than ever; with hyuck’s school topping the rankings for the east, they’ll likely be meeting with the champion team in the west for the finals, and coach claims he hasn’t seen a matchup this neck-and-neck in terms of stats, style of play, and pairing matchups in .,,,, years

so there’s absolutely no screwing around this year - losing is not an option

but overall, haechan believes he has his shit planned out: there were assignments, then exams, then playoffs, then the championships, followed by celebrations here and there, and then hopefully a scholarship, followed by graduation and then college, and then it’ll just be the flower road from there

what he really doesn’t factor in, though, is a certain captain of a certain school marching band, swooping in to save his ass for the first time of many,,,,many more to come

it happens on a regular tuesday afternoon

you two shared the same stupid humanities elective class during last period, and it didn’t dawn upon him that a rough copy of this useless visual presentation was due today that he did nOT even know was even assigned

the teacher comes around with her pointy ass glasses and a clipboard decorated in purple flower stickers, visibly softening at an obviously panicked hyuck

“hello, donghyuck, ready to show me the rough copy?”

“well,,,,see i-i um ,,, i”

THE ENTIRE CLASS IS SILENT AT THIS POINT BC

????? LEE DONGHYUCK FORGOT AN ASSIGNMENT?

the teacher kind of urges him on, half in disbelief and half in pity at how scared he looks for the first time ever

he’s still trying to conjure up a plausible excuse, all the while LITERALLY WANTING TO HIT HIMSELF IN THE HEAD

ugh ur so stUPID, hyuck, he thinks, coach even ended practice early last night too and all u did was binge the last airbender for the 80th time AGAIn like a DUMBASS ugh

so there’s a couple more awkward moments of silence

until

“oh, ms kwon! i should have said something, haha we partnered up for this one! i have it on my laptop here!!”

his flushed face whips around and lands on you

in your oversized knit sweater and cute skinny blue jeans ripped at the knee, round glasses threatening to fall from your nose

and a surge washes over him he’s neve r ev er felt before

relief ?? ya, sure. we’ll call it that for now

the teacher looks at you, then back at hyuck with an eyebrow cocked and you steal that moment to send him a nod and stern look in your eyes

he’s spluttering at this point

“ye-yeah, sorry miss, just a little tired and f-frazzled i guess...”

the teacher kind of just gives herself a knowing smile, as sort of a “heh....alrighty then” but walks over to your desk nonetheless

the entire class seems to buy it too, and go back to their white noise chatter

hyuck lets out the loudest exhale before scrambling to his feet over to you just glaring at him with a knowing smile and your arms crossed across your chest

“i’m so soRRY I DON’T EVEN KNOW YOUR NAME WHY DID YOU JUST DO THAT FOR ME YOU REALLY DIDN’T HAVE TO i’m s o sorry i had practice late last night and holy crap it just totally slipped by me and-”

he stops at the sight of you bursting into a fit of giggles and is even more ??? confused ?? hes so frazzled

you: “it’s ok, you idiot, i know you always get stuff in on time anyway”

and he shuts right back up and turns BRIGHT RED bc who even is this person? who’s so cute n helpful

you: “i’m y/n btw!! i’m captain of the marching band for ur team”

and the lightbulb visibly clicks for hyuck

“OOOOH so that’s why you look so familiar!!”

so the two of you chat away about playoffs coming up and the championships the last few years and how it’s so strange neither of you have crossed paths in the pass when you’ve had so many connections

and you kind of just smile and nod at that

because you fully know why

lee donghyuck, captain and quarterback of the football team

lee donghyuck, school heartthrob and teachers’ favourite

lee donghyuck, the social butterfly and the amicable figure in every situation

he had always been there, practicing on the field in front of you as you tried to pry your eyes off of him and run the trumpet section one more time,,.,,,,he was always there, but always so??? unreachable???

you couldn’t pretend you never laid eyes on him on freshman orientation day when he was being stopped by every person he walked by to be high fived and welcomed to the team

and thought wow . his skin? his aura? the way his smile lights up the whole goddamn room?

and you’re in a lot of classes with jaemin and always see hyuck drop by a few minutes before class to sit and goof around before getting lovingly chastised by the teacher

but never reached out to say hi or anything

he was always too unreachable

BUT OF COURSE you don’t say anything and instead just smile at the ground and shrug

“guess that’s just the way we’re supposed to be, you know?”

and just as he was about to ask what you meant by that, the bell rings and you let out a breath you didn’t even realize you were holding

like w Ow a whole 1 hour class w ur crush and he’s finally talking to you ???? TOO MUCH FOR ONE DAY

you don’t even utter a goodbye but just give him a bright, knowing smile, stuff your papers into your bag and leave for the day

and even as the classmates pack up and the teacher is gone and hyuck knows he doesn’t have practice today but needs to get home bc he promised his mom he would help with her flat tire, he can’t find it in himself to stand up and leave

he’s sitting there processing your words, and just,,,,you

“i’ve really been around y/n this whole time and didn’t even know it?”

suddenly he just feels stricken with guilt and shame and remembers all the time the ball landed by the bleachers and you exCitedly running down the steps to toss it back clumsily

he remembers always smiling back and saying “thanks”, but never quite meeting the eyes of the person

he lets out a grumble and just plunks his head onto the wooden desk loudly

chenle and jisung come bc they were all supposed to walk home together

and just see a slumped hyuck bumping his head up and down on the table whispering “stupid, ,,,,, so stupid” over and over again

jisung: he did it oh my god it’s done it broke him football finally broke him HIGH SCHOOL FUCKING BROKE HIM

so after fixing the tire and helping clean after dinner and finally lying in bed that night

he makes this silent promis e ??? to make it up to u somehow ??

you both wake up the next day, both w each other lingering in your minds, and both unsure of what to do to get rid of it

though hyuck isn’t sure he wants to

you both daze off during classes and stare at the back of the head of the person in front of you,,,,just,,, thinking

and then it’s time for fifth period

and you don’t think you’ve ever speedwalked so fast to a class before

people start pouring in and as the second bells starts to ring you still don’t see his face and you decide getting your hopes up all day for no reason was just stupid

the teacher is about to start the class before the door opens one last time and you see a visibly flustered hyuck shuffle in

right into the seat next to you

what you don’t know is two minutes prior to this, poor dude was in the bathroom rinsing his face and trying to do something, anytHING to get the blush off his cheeks but to no avail

so the lesson today was about families and societies and you swear the next ten minutes felt like forty

your eyelids start getting a little heavier before you hear the scratching of a pencil on paper

he’s marked the side of your notebook with a little “hello ^-^”

you try to conceal the beaming smile threatening to creep on ur face but you really can’t

you’re just a little whipped aren’t u

that entire class is then just spent doodling stupid things on each other’s notebooks and giggling and even had to have the teacher turn to you guys and give a stern look before realizing it was hyuck and just BEAMED

by the time the class ended you were packing your stuff up to leave before he gRabs your hand

“what the--?”

he takes your thumb and places it on the fingerprint scanner before fiddling with something on it

your mind immediately sprinted to the WORST IDEAS

“he’s hacking my instagram right now isn’t he he’s telling my family on facebook that i do drugs, isn’t he LEE DONGHYUCK GIVE ME MY PHONE”

so you start to fumble for it before he hands it back to you calmly,

“i’ll be expecting a text tonight”

and then he’s gone

SMOOTH ISN’T HE

and that was the start of the cutest friendship ever ????

you guys talk about anything and everything, from the colour of your room to his sister’s favourite food to the one time you fell from your treehouse and had to get stitches to the time lucas got stuck in a slide on a children’s playground when they all decided to sneak out at like 11pm at night and had to call the fire department to come get him out

and texts eventually turn into calls and calls eventually turn into being inseparable at school

the boys LOVE YOU and immediately pinned you on their side to torture hyuck together

and as time goes by, all the boys start noticing changes in hyuck and how he would never do anything with them without mentioning your name

like they’d be out having ice cream after studying at jisung’s and he’d absentmindedly mention that this lemon ice cream is the perfect colour of your room and that yellow is your favourite colour

or that the disco ball in jaemin’s basement is exactly the one you have dangling on the rearview mirror in your car

so WINK WINK NUDGE NUDGE but the boys respect you enough to not tell you yet bc you deserve to have hyuck confess on his own

you guys hang out any chance you get and it isn’t till near spring formal that he comes over with some mcdonalds that you realize you’ve gotten so comfortable so fast

so you both settle into the kitchen before he opens up the big mac, takes off one of the buns of the burger, to reveal ketchup dotted across the patty spelling “SF? :D” bc the patty was too small to spell the full words, “spring formal?” lol

and you scoff and throw a fry at him bc of course you’d go with him

and your heart’s just racing for the rest of the night

after dinner you head out to your backyard and lay a blanket on the grass to stare up at the stars

hyuck knows a lot about astrology so you love just lying there and hearing him tell you about the lyra constellation and its myths

you spend the night just giggling and laughing and shoving each other around before it starts to get really late and he knows he should be going

but he can’t seem to move

and so he asks,

“hey, are you mad at me?”

and you’re a little,,,confused before you reply, “for spilling jisung’s apple juice on my laptop the other day? just a little, but i’ll forgive you if you pay for my spring formal ticket for me hehe”

he rolls his eyes and scoffs and says, “no you idiot”

you can’t think of why you’d be upset with him, considering it was just a regular night for you two

he explains, “you know.....for not really knowing you before this year”

your heart kind of sank bc you weren’t really expecting it but you also deep deep deep down seriously wished he would never bring this up

it’s silence until you answer

“no, because i don’t blame you for it”

“what do you mean”

“well...” you know it’s a tough thing to tell him but you know he’ll listen to your words

“you’ve just always been unreachable, you know? like i remember seeing you on freshmen orientation day and just thinking, you know, this guy is just something else,,,something i’ll never be. and over the years, i made my peace with that, bc that’s just the situation you were thrust in,,, you know, football and parties and stuff”

and hyuck’s heart sinks with each word because you really mentioned everything he was afraid of,,,,that he was only ever gonna be popular because of football,,,,and that he never really had a say before he was thrust into the social status he’s in now

just as he’s about to clear his throat from emotions and get up to spout some stupid excuse on why his mom wants him home now even though she was probably already in bed, you continue

“but....now i know that’s not all that you are...you’re kind and smart and sweet and funny, and yeah you’re crazy good at football but you’re also crazy good at singing and science and fixing tires and vacuuming and playing with your little sister and making people laugh,,,that’s why you’re my friend now”

hyuck doesn’t realize how long he stares at you after you said that before you wave your hand in front of his face ((”uh dude.....”))

he feels tears welling up in his throat so he just lies back down and makes some nonchalant comment again, playing it all off like he usually does

“mhm okay yea enough with the sappiness i just wanted to know if the geeky band girl hates the quarterback captain like they typically do okay blah blah”

but you and him both know

you’re both concealing smiles as you lay there, staring at the stars

he’s never heard anyone talk about him like that before

and you’ve always known that he was still a little unsure of himself

and maybe this just put this all to rest

and as you both lay there with the sound of your own frantic heartbeats in your ears, you dwell on the fact that maybe it shouldn’t be beating that hard,,,,that fast,,,,

ANYWAY

senior year is going by, and before you guys know it, championships are in three days

your school wins the semi-finals in dramatic fashion, with the winning touchdown seconds before the final whistle

and you couldn’t make it to that game bc of a huge assignment due the next day but hyuck makes sure to call you as soon as he grabbed his stuff from the locker room

“hEY WHERE ARE YOU GOING WE’RE GOING TO MINGYU’S HOUSE FOR DRINKS TO CELEBRATE”

“SORRY DUDES SOMETHING IMPORTANT CAME UP!!! HAVE FUN WITHOUT ME!!”

it was only a beat of silence before jungwoo just scoffed and shrugged, “someone’s WHIPPPEEEDDD”

hyuck just blushes red and runs out in the midst of the entire locker room hollering and throwing sweaty towels at him

bc he knows he doesn’t really have feelings for you, does he?

these past few months have been amazing but it can’t be

all he does know is

how your hair smells like vanilla when you whip your head around to scold him for pinching your sides

how your eyes crinkle when you laugh at some pun you read on reddit

how your fingers get really bad circulation so they’re always cold and red and you have to make sure to wear sweaters during the winter to keep them warm

how you hate helping out the flutes cause they’re always screechy

how you started playing the saxophone because your grandma did when she was in college

how your eyes light up when someone mentions your favourite tv show character

how you hate carrots but he always makes you eat them cause they’re good for you and you just sit there all pouty

how much he loves loves LOVES when you come over to just do nothing like sit on his windowsill and read or go through his old childhood pictures for the millionth time and giggle at every cute smiley one for the millionth time

he’s standing there in the middle of the field with his phone in his hand, dangling by his side, with you hollering through the receiver like “,,,,hello? bitch u called ME, HELLO?!!”

and he just mumbles a “uh i gotta go sorry i’ll tell you about it tomorrow”

and hangs up

cause fuck

he’s in love isn’t he

and he’s lying in bed again that night, knowing that he wants to tell you but he’s also so afraid, cause you’re his best best best (sorry mark) friend

and he’s never gotten so close to anyone so fast

and he loves going to practice early with you so you guys can grab breakfast before

and how he always makes sure to “accidentally” miss a toss and have it land on your head while you’re running a piece

so he tosses and turns all night

before he comes to a decision

he knows the marching band always has practice on the bleachers every wednesday morning, coinciding with the team’s morning practice as well

he rips his sheets off his tired body but surges up and runs to his computer, types in a few things onto the search engine and presses “print”

it’s the next morning, and as you groggily heave yourself up from your bed, dreading having to deal with the flutes and their screeching sharps today, you also think abt hyuck and you wonder why he was acting so weird last night

but you brush it off as fatigue from a long and gruelling game

it’s a beautiful day outside already at 7:00 in the morning, with just the slightest bit of chilliness and dew on the morning grass, and hyuck thinks it’s no accident that the sun decided to come out today too

he holds the crinkly sheets of music in his hands, slightly shaking and profusely sweating, somehow nervous bc of someone he admires for the first time ??? in his life ????

he practically sprints to school, wanting to be there before you do

he spots the majority of the marching band already there and he sighs in relief when he doesn’t spot you

“hEy guys!” he runs up to the bleachers

and he stops for a second before he realizes like ..... all these people look like deers in headlights bc ,, ,,,,,, the quarterback,,,,isn’t here with you?? aren’t you guys always stuck beside each other ????

“i’m s o sorry i don’t have a lot of time to explain and i know its confusing and this is gonna be such a rush but here !!!!”

he hands out the sheet music to everyone there and makes them promise to not let you know about it

everyone exchanges confusing looks ((one dude’s just like ‘fuck man it’s too early in the morning for secrets’)) but end up agreeing anyway and haechan doesn’t even have time to celebrate before he hears his teammates starting to make their way out of the practice room

he runs over to seungkwan, your best friend in band and someone who haechan knows won’t hold his word unless a bribe is involved

“okay look i know you’re y/n’s best friend but you have to promise me you won’t let her know about this okay?”

seungkwan props his clarinet on his shoulders, almost as if he was holding a baseball bat instead and does his best to puff his shoulders like “HMPH well what do i get out of this??”

“if you can establish a secret rehearsal time for tomorrow with the rest of the band where i can come and rehearse with you, i’ll set you up with our running back” bc god fucking knows vernon and seungkwan have been crushing on each other for years but have never had the guts to go NEAR each other and haechan is just sick of vernon’s endless daydreaming in the locker room

seungkwan goes BRIGHT RED before clearing his throat and muttering “ugh fiNe” under his breath even tho he’s finally !!!!!! gonna talk to hansol !! agghhhhh!!!!

haechan practically blows him a million kisses and runs off to the locker room before seungkwan asks

“HEY ummmm but uh why are you doing this?”

haechan sighs and feels he can’t even begin to explain himself without becoming a blubbering mess

so he just reassures him with a, “you’ll see”

hyuck doesn’t come to class that day even though you swore you saw him at practice

he had cancelled breakfast w you earlier that morning and only waved to you once during practice, but again, you credit that to the finals being in 48 hours

you shoot him a “cute bum where u from” text in hopes of getting his attention

“okay but no seriously WHERE ARE U I HATE MS KWON SO MUCH”

and no answer again

you huff and give up and know he’ll message when he has to

what you don’t know is he made sure to steer clear of you from now until the championships bc 1. he’s still not sure what he can do around you anymore now that he Knows how he Feels

and 2. bc his hands are just glued to the sheet music, trying to rehearse as much as he can for this little surprise he has planned for you

so all he does is just send you back a simple “not feeling well, just gonna rest up until the game”

and your heart sinks bc you guys haven’t gone 48 hours without talking since like 8 months ago

regardless, with championships coming up and endless school assignments piling up, you’re pretty well distracted

but you do also silently curse yourself for imagining every quote in romeo and juliet to be hyuck and you

and how every hour of those 48 hours seemed so excruciating and long and empty bc both of you were so busy

so by the time it’s game day, you are restless and in so much yearning for a presence you never knew you needed this bad

but you know, as soon as the game’s over, you can hopefully run into his arms and congratulate him

ahem platonically ofc ahem, you try to convince yourself

you get to the field and it’s already bustling with mascots and spectators and streamers and you can barely hear the sound of the band warming up above all the noise

intros begin and you guys start playing the opening pieces as the banner rips and out runs

hyuck

and it’s like suddenly the earth just . stops

looking at him running out, eyes blazed and all determined and strong made you feel so much all at once, you could feel your knees starting to buckle

and it didn’t really help when, mid run, he turns his head to you and gives a subtle smile and wink before heading to the center of the field

you bite back a beaming smile of your own

for the next two hours, that’ll have to be enough

and there wasn’t a single doubt in your body that they were gonna lose

the game starts and the volume doesn’t dim for even a second

you feel yourself sweating profusely through your blue and white uniform with each toss and whistle and tackle and you swear you’ve never been so nervous in your life

it’s the final quarter and your school is down by just a touchdown and you swear you won’t be able to handle this anymore it’s toO MUCH

you glance up at the stands to see yukhei holding chenle’s head and screaming and jaemin with his head in his hands and jeno just closing his eyes ((”i can’t watch i can’t watch i can’t watch”)) and mark and jisung grabbing onto each other muttering things that look like praying ???

you even spot former alumni, youngho, taeyong and jaehyun, biting their nails and clasping their hands

there’s barely a minute left and the ball is in our possession

you hear hyuck echo a “HUT!! HUT HUT” before he tosses the ball in the air

it’s like time slows down as you see the running back catch it and dash for the end

THE ENTIRE FIELD IS ON THEIR TOES as you watch your team’s defence tackle and hammer people out of vernon’s way

he’s going and going and just before the horn blows for the end of the game, he crosses the line and

EVERYONE GOES INSANE

the horn blows for the final second and once again, you guys have done it

everyone from the stands pours down onto the field and before you can process it, mark and the boys are running up to you and dog-piling you, dragging you into the crowd with them

they did it!!! hyuck did it!!!!

there are streamers and confetti everywhere but your eyes are just straining and stretching, looking for him

it’s just loud, white noise for a second before you hear something behind you

your band is in position and you see seungkwan counting them in for the opening beats

your heart starts to panic to remember if you forgot you had another piece to perform?????

the opening chords to a familiar classic starts playing and before you can even react

there’s a voice in a mic

and the sound of someone singing

and it’s hyuck

the band plays along with him and you’re just,,,,,perplexed and confused as to what he’s doing

until you realize he’s looking straight at you

the swing beat starts to get everyone in the crowd singing and dancing

but you’re frozen in your spot

did he plan this?? what is he doing and how did you not know about it???? you feel hands behind you and eyes start to land on you as the boys push you forward and hyuck starts making his way onto the field to where you’re standing

the crowd gets even louder and the music gets even happier as he’s dancing and grooving his way to you

and then there he is, right in front of you

his voice has you hypnotized and you’re absolutely sure this is a dream

you guys move together to the beat, never taking eyes off one another and you just have an amazed expression on your face the entire time

the songs comes to a beautiful climactic end and you still have no idea what’s going on

the lyrics still echo in your head

“hey, hey, baby....i want to know if you'll be mine...when i saw you walking down the street, i said that’s someone i’d like to meet,,,”

and the entire school is watching ((INCLUDING HYUCK’S PARENTS AND YOUR TEACHERS))) and your head is just spinning, spinning, spinning

he lowers the mic and just leans close and rests his forehead on yours and whispers his words to you

“i love you, and i’m so sorry it took so long but i really really do, i just hope i can make up for all the time lost,”

his eyes are pouring emotions into yours and for some reason you want to cry

his team just won a championship!!!! scouts are probably here, scribbling his name down for a scholarship right now!! and everyone on this field was just yelling and whooping his name a second ago!!!

yet he’s standing here, so vulnerable and nervous in front of you

so you grab his face and swallow your nerves

and tell him you love him, you’ve loved him for so long

all you hear is just muted yelling and cheering and whooping around you before you swear you see a glisten in his eyes as he leans and swoops you in for a kiss

the band is going off and playing some other 80s love tune and there is still confetti just flying all over the place and people running up to you and hugging you guys

but his hand is still entangled in yours and he just winks

bc in the midst of all the chaos and all the noise of being such a superstar, there you are

and he’s sure that’s all he’ll need

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bigbrothernetflix-st · 5 years ago

Text

EPISODE TEN

“One hour to go until I find out if people are actually keeping me, or if they're all just being assholes and wanting to blindside me.” - jev

HOH: Brianna NOMINEES: Jev & Kiki POV: Nathan FINAL NOMINEES: Jev & Kiki EVICTED: Kiki (4-0)

JEV

I feel this could be the end for me this week, considering I named Brianna as renom last week and she has nominated me previously it's not looking good for me. However, last week after naming her renom, I did send her screenshots from Nathan of him throwing her and Aria under the bus to me just incase she stayed, so I purposefully threw him under the bus for this exact reason and I'm just hoping the move will pay off and there's even a slight chance she'll nominate him and keep me off the block. I'm also hoping she'll recognise that I didn't consider her as one of my initial noms and only named her as replacement because I was put into a shitty predicament last week by Nathan and his veto win, but who knows. I'm extremely proud of the game I've played but it'd suck to leave at F7 after getting this far.

BRIANNA

https://youtu.be/z8bOEMq9gh8

ARIA

So....its been a bit huh,...sorry about that yall pls just take this anaylsis of everyone left k thanks <3

NATHAN

Looking at the whole of his game this man has been targeted since prejury yet his social connections and physical prowess has kept him safe this long- typically this would lend itself to a very strong underdog story but at the same time his attitude this game has been very rocky as he's threatened to quit or just give up multiple times before which may decrease the amount of respect the jury has for him. At this moment in time he can be categorized as a big player due to his numerous fights which could gain jury respect because it does show that he wants to play but im unsure if its enough. In terms of social connections he presents himself as having limited connections with others as he doesnt talk with kiki or jev but has a mutual understanding between him and joshua as they are both big threats/targets leading them to want to keep each other safe. This does bring up complications when trying to eliminate joshua from this game but thats for another analysis. He's constantly threatened the status quo of the house and if it wasn't for his attitude (and maybe the lack of connections to people like kiki and jev) he could be a shoe-in to win. It should also be considered that he has constant correspondence with emma and somewhat of a connections with bri. It should also be highlighted that hes very good at mending bridges considering hes working with someone he previously attempted to nominate (brianna) and had a fight with (joshua) Honestly he's playing a great game and the bitterness visible from kiki/jev does not reflect the jury- its more likely that he can beat me at the end.

Leaving: f3/4/

Threat: Big/Physical

Winning Chance: 4/5

KIKI

So most players still left in the game perceive kiki to just be coasting along and honestly their win chances are minimal. I think their social game has been slacking as well as they're typically very hesitant to be honest with their game thoughts so they've failed to secure the connections that they need to get them to the end of this game. Their view on the game is also very confusing as they pretended to not know sides to me and no matter what the truth was it was a very bad look on their part. Also on a more personal note they showed that they're willing to snap as seen yesterday in bri's dms and in the live competition channel. In terms of this vote I have hardly any connection to them and if they won hoh next week i know that i would not be safe unlike jev who i've formed a more honest relationship with. I am slightly worried that im taking out someone with no win chance but my first priority will always be house dynamics and to appease the bb gods, they need to leave.

Leaving: f7

Threat: None, likeability

Winning chance: 1/5

JOSHUA

Literally just hand the kid the winning title and pots at this point his control over the game is incredible. He has deals and connections with EVERY single person in this game and I truly feel like he can make the end if we dont take him out here but I can't control nathan at this point. I think he's formed connections to me and nathan through all of us being "big threats" while he has connections to Jev/Emma/Kiki as they were all on the original side and he's somehow escaped the block on someones hoh who he previously put up...this guy is unstoppable wtf. However the entire game IS aware of his skill and its very likely that he gets taken out soon because of this unless he goes on a comp run. I also find it very likely that the jury is rooting for him as he remained respectful with every evictee and had justifications for every eviction beyond just house dynamics and his game has been straighforward with his noms and bold with his connections. Im unsure of how exactly to get rid of him but I believe he thinks we're close (f2 tingz) and I find it unlikely he takes me out although i think hes notices that ive been a bit more closed off this week which is worrying for future endeavors.

Leaving: f6/f5

Threat: Big/Phyiscal/Social

Winning Chance: 5/5!!!!

JEV

Out of everyone left I find it very difficult to think of how Jev is playing, I think he's either playing the most straight forward game I've ever seen or his game has a lot of hidden depths. I mean how I view his game as another player is that he came into this game very unconnected but managed to wiggle his way into stable sides and form good connections where they've kept him safe when possible. Once he gained a side he stuck to it and just played an overall loyal game minus the yelling at nathan when he lied to him. I dont think the jury is very bitter at him but I also don't believe that they're super high on him in comparison to people like joshua. In terms of our own connection I think I might be higher on his trust list due to me being very proactive about using veto on him and voting to keep him- i dont think ill be in danger if he wins hoh but nathan sure will :nicolequeen: There is a chance he can beat me at the end just due to not fucking over all of the jury but the chance we make f2 is very small, he represents the utr social player that joshua might be scared of winning

Leaving: f6/f5

Threat: Balance/Middle

Winning Chance: 4/5

EMMA

Emma's game is very interesting because its similar to kiki in the fact that she's been coasting or just sticking to her side but she's aware of her flawed gameplay and wants to do better and make moves. However the end is closing end and I doubt she has the time to really make a move although she has been very smart about how she presents herself to others this entire game showing high sense of strategy. I think we're fairly close in a personal and game sense (unless shes just buttering me up for the slaughter as her own big move) so I would love to take her very far in this game. Im unsure of how the jury view her at this point in time but i cant imagine it being very high at this time unless shes manipulating things behind the scenes. At the end shes probably one of the only people I can beat because the jury might want a "big" player to win so she's def an ideal f2 choice at THIS time.

Leaving: f3/f2

Threat: Strategic

Winning Chance: 2/5

BRIANNA

First off I love her so much personally she's seriously the kindest person I've met and i absolutely adore her but also her game has been fairly impressive so far. Her actions have been the catalyst for sides to form and big moves being made- however i can say that I had a hand in a series of these moves but received no blowback (or recognition) for them yet and I'm unsure how the jury will view us as a duo or who can lay claim to the moves made. I think some of the jury may be bitter such as Josh c and Nick but at the same time she'll have fans such as joey and jacob so its a very mixed bad and I think we'll be trying for the same votes which is worrying. She's also fairly good at comps and socializing putting her on a similar stage as nathan and joshua although for some reason she never gets the credit :/ Im unsure whether I want her at the end or not but there is a possibility ill cut her...

Leaving: ???

Threat: Social/Comp

Winning: ???

And i think i dont stand a chance tbh, my jury management has been ass but im gonna do my best <3 also sorry if this was mean fsabhfds

JEV

So Brianna has let me know that she is more than likely going to put me up as one of her initial nominees, meaning I've had to plead my case to her and severely downplay my game thus far in the hopes that she'll hear me out and by some miracle will spare me from the block this week, I'll insert the plea I sent to her at the end of this DR. I just hope she realises that there are bigger fish to fry cough Nathan cough and maybe even Joshua, although I respect him as an ally too much to even consider throwing his name out to Brianna like that. Worst comes to worst I'll just have to gun super hard for veto and take myself down, then work out the play from there if one of the other hot girls are put up in my place, but I hope Brianna isn't dumb and recognises that there isn't a drop of loyalty inside of Nathan and that she'd be stupid to keep him around another week.

JEV

So I asked Joshua if he'd save me if he won the veto, and he straight up said he'd use it on Kiki because he'd "feel bad" since he used it on me the last time me and Kiki were on the block together. It's made me feel kinda shitty because it's kinda solidifying to me that he considers me at least 3rd in our alliance, and that he and Kiki are quite likely a duo together. I have to try my hardest for this veto because I for sure leave over Kiki or the renom.

JEV

So... there is a chance, albeit a slim chance, that Nathan may use the power of veto on me. I've tried to butter him up by playing up to his kind of wildcard playstyle by saying that nobody would see it coming and it'd be the gag to end all gags, but who knows what he might do. He said he's considering it and will keep me in the loop just so I know what to expect. If I stay on the block, I know I hopefully have Aria & Emma's votes to keep me on lock, which means I'd only have to convince Joshua or Nathan to keep me, OR sway Brianna to keep me in the event of a tie, which I think is the most unlikely of the 3. Prior to tonights veto, I would've thought I'd have Joshua's vote to stay, but now I think its clear that Kiki/Joshua are a duo and Me/Emma are a duo, so I don't think I'd be able to sway him to save me unfortunately. However the rest of this week plays out, I have a lot of ass kissing to do which I hate but hopefully I can work a miracle

JEV

So... considering Nathan has promised safety to me this week I didn't quite expect him to go off on me like that in his veto speech but... I'm just gonna take the high road and not even acknowledge the video in house chat, as much as it sucks I just have to let Kiki run their mouth so hopefully people remain inclined to keep them around over me.

JEV

One hour to go until I find out if people are actually keeping me, or if they're all just being assholes and wanting to blindside me. As it stands, it should be 4-0 since all four of them have promised me their vote, but I'm lowkey suspicious about Nathan and Joshua, there's just something in the back of my mind telling me to be wary, I hope I'm just overthinking though

HOST WEEKLY CAST ASSESSMENT

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=29822U0WqVk&list=PLFEwPPy8j010XXwntq80VSU0qLNTNpSIN&index=11&t=0s

#bbnetflix st

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my-dear-anonym · 7 years ago

Text

The Ship Wars

Masterpost

Chapter Fifteen Sacrifices

Time line is going to get a little weird. I'll explain it when it's important.

----

Warnings: This fic is not a light fic so beware. Blood, homicidal tendencies. Colder than the ninth circle of hell, Jefferson is really bad right now, be careful.

----

Hamilton lifted John from the boat and carried him on board the Adrienne. “Someone get me the surgeon! Now! Come on, stay with me, John.” Hamilton gingerly set John down inside the captain’s quarters, not caring that it wasn’t his ship, and pressed his drenched coat against the bleeding wound. “Goddamnit! I want a surgeon now!” Hamilton yelled.

The surgeon, however, was busy treating all the other yelling sailors. French crewmen came first, not some lowly pirate captain’s first mate. Hamilton swore and set about removing the ball himself. Laurens’ groaned in pain, his body jerking away. Hamilton pinned him down as he worked and was eventually rewarded with the musket ball. Luckily, none of the clothing got shredded pushed into the wound. If it had and Hamilton had been unable to retrieve it, it would get infected quickly and be a death sentence for John.

Hamilton pressed his coat back against Laurens’ wound, willing the bleeding to slow to a stop. He didn’t have anything to stitch it up so all he could do at this point was pray until a real surgeon showed up, if John lived that long. Hamilton kissed John’s still lips, “Stay with me, John.” He didn’t know how long he stayed like that until the surgeon finally showed up and finally set to work, kicking Hamilton out of the room.

There was more for Hamilton to see to. He had his crew to take care of, how many had survived? How many were crippled? How many had been sent to the Davey Jones’ locker by Jefferson? Too many.

Hamilton spotted Lafayette looking through a spyglass and followed the direction to find another approaching ship. Please be French or Spanish. Lafayette lowered his spyglass and growled, “English.” Goddamnit. Lafayette turned and took in the state of his ship. If they engaged, there was the possibility of losing and sinking as well. Lafayette was an exceptional captain but he knew when the best decision was to outrun. “Make sail!” he commanded, “East, avoid the English vessel at all costs!” he turned the helm as all available sailors leaped to their jobs.

Hamilton watched the wreckage of his ship and the Monticello steadily grow more distant. If Jefferson lived and the English ship picked him up, Hamilton would hunt him down and slaughter him. If he was already dead, Hamilton would hunt him down and slaughter him in hell. If John died, Hamilton would burn the entire English navy. John was not a sacrifice Hamilton was willing to make.

He blocked out the pained noises that rose from the ship as he watched the dark English ship pull up to the Monticello and set sail again after finishing rescuing sailors. Hamilton was surprised when it didn't give chase, an odd decision for an English ship that had the upper hand. Hamilton supposed he should be relieved, instead, he hated not knowing whether or not Jefferson survived.

He turned back to his pained crew. “Where's Morris? Did he survive?”

“Here, sir,” Morris called, getting to his feet and limping over, favoring his left side heavily.

“Are you going to be able to handle this right now?”

“I'm just a little beat up sir, nothing broken or pierced. I'll be fine.”

Hamilton nodded, “Take command for a bit, respect Captain Lafayette’s orders. It's his ship after all,” and returned to the Captain's quarters. Hamilton wasn't one bit sorry for getting blood stains on Lafayette's bed. The surgeon was just standing to leave. “I've done all I can. It's up to him now,” was all he said as he hurried out the door to treat other people. Hamilton filled the chair the surgeon had just vacated, taking John’s hand in his own and rubbing circles in the flesh between the thumb and finger.

Hours passed and John continued to breathe shallowly, any breath could be his last. Hamilton was slumped over him, still holding his hand, but barely keeping his eyes open when Lafayette walked into the room, rubbing his face tiredly and throwing his coat into the corner of the room.

“Ah, I see my bed has been taken,” he said humorously, “and here I thought I was going to get a couple hours of sleep.” Hamilton looked at the tall Frenchman who looked just as frayed as Hamilton felt. “I didn't take you for such a softy.”

“I'm not soft,” Hamilton growled, dropping John's hand.

“Yet your first mate lies in my bed when the rest of your men are spread out on the deck. And you seem to have no regret.”

“Ran out of the room.”

Lafayette laughed. “Okay, Alexandre. Sleep with your boyfriend then, I’ll find other accommodations.”

“He's not my boyfriend,” Hamilton said lowly.

“Yes, he is,” Lafayette replied, shirking off his pants, leaving him in his undershorts and a loose billowy, long sleeved shirt.

“You're mistaken. He's just a close friend.”

Lafayette threw some blankets on the floor and stretched out on them, groaning as the aches of his back loosened. “Alright, then come sleep next to me instead.”

“The bed is more comfortable.”

“The bed has a dying man on it.”

“The floor has a man with a death threat on his head.”

Lafayette chuckled. “Whatever you wish, Alexandre, I don't care where you sleep. Just get some while you can. Tomorrow is going to be rough,” Lafayette said, curling up on his side and pulling a blanket over himself. A smile curled his lips when he heard Hamilton blow out the candle and slip into bed next to John.

***

Madison and Kinloch we're having a much different time.

After what was assumed to be a few minutes lying face down on the beach, Kinloch decided it was time they made sure they weren’t going to die anyway. “Madison, do you have any salt water in your lungs?” His question was met with silence. “Madison?” Kinloch asked, raising his head to see Madison lying face down in the sand too. “Goddamnit, Madison,” he muttered, crawling over to the smaller, sickly man. He was either dead or unconscious. If he was unconscious, was it from exhaustion or something else? Like his illness. Kinloch rolled him over and found him breathing. There was probably a whole bunch of salt water in his lungs from nearly drowning as he did. If Madison were to have a chance of surviving, that water needed to come out. Kinloch opened up Madison’s coat and started rhythmically compressing, hoping to resuscitate him.

Madison snapped awake and rolled out of Kinloch’s reach, having no idea what was going on. “What the fuck are you doing? I’m not-” Madison bent over and started coughing up water, “Shit.”

“Let me do a little bit more. I’m sure you’re aware that it’s going to dehydrate you and make it harder to breathe,” Kinloch said, “and with your condition, I don’t think harder to breathe is going to help you.”

Madison just wanted to fucking sleep. Was that too much to ask? To just let his exhausted body get some rest? Yes, definitely too much to ask. “Let’s find some shelter,” Madison replied, forcing himself to his feet and walking toward the canopy of the forest.

“Madison, you’re honestly a strong man but if you think for one second that you’re going to survive with any salt water in your lungs, you’re not as smart as I thought,” Kinloch said, pushing himself up and following behind Madison.

“I’m not an idiot, I’m well educated on drowning.” He’d nearly done it before after all. “You can try and force whatever salt water I have left out when we’re safe out of the storm. I don’t want to get it all out only to be dragged back out to sea again by high tide and have to start all over.”

“Of course,” Kinloch said, stepping under the shelter of the canopy, “If there’s one good thing about a storm, it’s that there’ll be lots of wood to work with once it’s passed.”

They walked along for a bit, getting further away from the beach, hearing the harsh wind whistle through the trees. It wouldn’t be long before the rain started, hopefully, the canopy was thick enough to where not much would hit them. “What about you?” Madison asked, “Do you have any saltwater in your lungs?”

“Most probably,” Kinloch answered. “This is far enough, lie down again, I’ll help you and I’m sure you’ll do the same for me.”

“Shelter first,” Madison coughed. He hated help.

“We’re under the canopy. Deal with the water first. You’re going to die if you allow it to sit there.”

“Fine.” Madison found a mostly flat spot and lied down, hating every second.

“Thank you.” Kinloch set to work.

Turns out, Madison had a lot more water than he thought. Apparently, having a coughing fit in the middle of the ocean during a storm and almost drowning will do that to you. Madison wiped the remaining water from off his mouth and turned to Kinloch. “Now you.”

He didn’t have it nearly as bad as Madison, considering he managed to keep his head above water almost the entire time. “How about some mouth to mouth?” Kinloch joked, wiping his chin.

“Shelter, Kinloch,” Madison said tiredly.

He rolled his eyes, “Of course, Madison. Any ideas?”

“This doesn’t seem like an island with caves so we’ll have to build something. How about a lean-to?”

“Sounds good, let’s get to some higher ground, maybe we can find a decent place.” As they searched, the storm steadily got worse, so they eventually decided on a spot that would do. They could always relocate later, the goal was to get out of the storm as quickly as possible. Madison though logically over anything else. Sure, Kinloch wasn’t someone he’d choose to survive on an island with but he was who Madison had. At least he was strong and could carry his own wait...and Madison’s too apparently.

That’s another life debt to tack onto Madison’s list. Fuck. Like he didn’t have enough of those.

“Separate shelters?” Kinloch asked, looking to Madison.

Madison looked up at the sky and felt rain drops start to hit his face. “One. It’s faster. Less material. Warmer. Less work.”

“Works for me,” Kinloch said, searching for sizable logs to build the structure with. Madison started dragging some over as well, he knew he was putting too much strain on his body after just going through what he did. He was barely standing as it was, usually, he’d have to sleep for at least a day afterward, depending on how bad it was. He didn’t have that option right now, the storm was too close. His body, just to prove his own thoughts, decided to gift him with another one, as if that would help.

They started off low and easily suppressed as he dragged logs across the clearing. When they started to become more obvious the more he worked, Kinloch looked over at him. “Are you sure you got all the salt water out?” Kinloch needed to keep Madison alive. Why? Because Kinloch was shit at survival and hopefully, Madison was better. If Madison died, every chance Kinloch has went with him. He had to make Madison into an ally that would help him live.

“Yeah, I’m sure,” Madison coughed lightly, picking up the log and setting it in place.

“Take a break if you need it.”

Thunder cracked ahead and they rushed to finish. As soon as they did, Madison crawled into the lean-to and instantly fell asleep, his abused and exhausted pulling him into unconsciousness.

Kinloch would’ve stayed up to keep watch but then the rain started pouring relentlessly and the wind howled horribly so he decided to crawl in and sleep as well.

***

Fast forward several days. (Keep in mind that we’ll probably rewind those days later, I’ll let you know)

Jefferson woke up to a dark room and unimaginable amounts of pain that burned up his right leg. He tried to sit up and cried out, immediately sinking back down on the cot. He winced as his leg throbbed. Jefferson gritted his teeth and pushed himself up, looking down at his leg which ended mid thigh.

He let out a shaky breath and closed his eyes. Breathe. Jefferson took several more breaths before opening his eyes again. Nope, still gone. His hands clenched, nails digging into his skin. He was going to kill everyone on this ship, just as he promised. He was going to start with the son of a bitch who cut it off and then he was going to hunt down that bastard Hamilton and slaughter him where he stands.

Jefferson grit his teeth and swung his legs-leg-over the side of the cot, he cried out in pain and doubled over. He stayed that way for several minutes and forced himself to stand, swaying uneasily on one leg. How was he going to walk out to the deck if he couldn't even take a step?

Jefferson grabbed his sword, which was leaning against the wall at the head of the bed and used it like a cane, leaning on it heavily, as he hopped a couple inches forward. That's when he realized all he was wearing were undershorts and his billowy white shirt. Where were his pants?

Glancing around the room, he spotted them draped over a chair, one leg was shredded, not that it mattered since Jefferson didn't have that leg anymore. He thought about trying to shove his leg into them and decided that people wouldn't mind if he killed them while only in his underwear.

Jefferson dragged himself out of the room, scooping up his pistol, and down the hallway, managing to shoulder open the door onto the deck. He wasn't noticed at first but when he drew his sword, leaning on the sheath, and demanded to know where the scumbag that took his leg was, people started paying attention. Burr seemed to materialize out of nowhere, standing erect and taking in Jefferson's condition.

“You're bleeding,” he stated. It was true. Blood had soaked through his bandages and was dripping down onto the deck. “And staining my deck.”

“Fuck off, Burr. I'll kill you in a minute. He's first,” Jefferson said, cocking his pistol and aiming it at the man who had cut off his leg.

Burr stepped forward and kicked the sheath out from under Jefferson's hand, sending him sprawling the ground in pain. Jefferson cried out and Burr stepped up to him and looked down at him, a look of indifference. “Somebody drag him back to his room, I have a letter to send André about a delusional Captain,” he turned on his heel and walked off, scooping up Jefferson's pistol as he went. “Rebandage the moron’s leg while you're at it.”

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