#honestly need friends who understand this level of brain-ripe

[anetherealpoetess]

perfect triple feature: leap year, chasing liberty, and stoker.

[language-of-love]

I’d like to...

Summary: Modern AU, David and Patrick are roommates and honestly, this is just 3000 words of flirty fake dating. Cause it’s what I needed to write. :) (AO3)

“Oh my god.”

David feels light headed and he has to grip the counter in front of him to stay upright, the email open on his laptop like an arrow aimed straight for his heart.

Patrick, who’d been on the couch, socked feet up on the coffee table as he watched his third sports game of the afternoon, is now on his feet. His warm brown eyes are focused on David as he leans into the other side of the counter.

“Are you okay?” he asks softly, somehow sensing that too much of anything right now might send David to the floor. Little does he know that David could really use more than kind words right now, wishing Patrick was someone else to him and not just his sweet, sarcastic, but oh so straight roommate. Having Patrick’s strong arms to hold him up, his neck to curl into as David’s panic attack ensues...wow would that be nice.

“Uh...no. But, it’s silly. You can go back to your game,” David protests, hoping he’s hidden the shakiness from his voice.

Judging from the look of concern on Patrick’s face, he’s failed miserably. Patrick reaches out, warm, strong fingers coming to rest over top of David’s hand to curl around his wrist. He gives David a gentle squeeze, but doesn’t let go and David is momentarily focused on that instead of the other thing.

“It’s not silly, David. Something has you looking pale as a ghost. Talk to me,” he pleads, his full bottom lip turned down in a bit of a pout. Yes, even in his current state of panic, David still takes note of the plumpness of Patrick’s lips, because he’s a human being and has thoughts and feelings and wants that just spring to life whenever his fucking roommate is anywhere near. But, he needs to re-focus, needs to figure out how to explain his current predicament without sounding like a complete and utter fool.

“Ok, but you can’t judge me,” he says with a pointed look, knowing Patrick will understand the seriousness of his tone. Patrick nods and, unfortunately, lets go of David’s wrist, pulling back so he can lean his elbows down on the counter and wait for David to finish.

“My ex is in town. And he’s coming by tonight, uninvited. And he doesn’t know that I’ve lost everything and he doesn’t know anything about who I am now, whoever the fuck that is, and I don’t know what to do or what to say or what to wear or…”

“What do you need?” Patrick interjects. And David’s jaw falls open. How does Patrick do this? How does he know the exact thing to say, even if that thing is so perfect David never could have imagined anyone in his life actually saying it to him? And how did he find Patrick and this little apartment on Craigslist those many months ago when all he had to his name was one last credit card and two suitcases full of designer clothes?

“A million dollars, a manicure and a hot boyfriend to hold my hand when Sebastien shows up at our front door. But hey, that’s not asking for too much, right?” David lists off with his signature  sarcasm. Because hell, tonight’s gonna be a trainwreck anyway, so why sugar coat it…

Patrick is looking at him thoughtfully, his eyes squinting the way they do when David is spouting off about some French filmmaker or pontificating about some obscure branch of the British Royal Family tree.

“Well,” Patrick finally says, “I can’t help with the first, the second you can call Alexis to handle and the third, well...I’d never qualify myself as hot, but I could stand in as your boyfriend for the night if you need me to.”

David is dumbstruck. He’s also not blind and notices that Patrick’s alabaster cheeks are the color of a ripe peach and his eyes are looking everywhere but David. He looks nervous and maybe a little embarrassed.

“You don’t have to do that,” David deflects, not sure he’d actually let Patrick do this for him even if he is actually up for it.

Patrick straightens and crosses his arms over his chest, eyes finally meeting David’s as he responds with his usual confidence, “I’d like to.”

Unsure as to what to say, David just looks at him. He’d like to? What does that even mean?

“When’s he, what’s his name again, Simon?... When’s he getting here?”

“Sebastien,” David corrects, “Sebastien Raine.” God, he hasn’t said those two words together in years and they sound like ash on his tongue.

“What the hell kind of name is that?” Patrick chides, perhaps getting in some practice as potential fake boyfriend.

It is a stupid as fuck name and David finds himself laughing, thankful, once again, for the steadying force that is his roommate...and friend...and maybe boyfriend...for one night.

“He made it up, but I never learned what his real name is. Our relationship wasn’t really all that deep,” David admits, having long since realized that most things in his past were surface level or completely fraudulent. And here he is again, half convinced to take Patrick’s up on his offer to perpetuate yet another fraud in the name of love. Well, not love, revenge maybe? He doesn’t even know anymore.

“David?”

Startling out of his own internal downward spiral, David looks up at Patrick, whose brown eyes are so warm David feels his resolve begin to melt.

“You need help,” Patrick reasons, “let me help.” He sounds so sincere and maybe even a little excited and David honestly doesn’t have the strength to let this opportunity pass him by.

“Well…” he stammers, “then yes, I am open to entertaining your...fake relationship offer.”

“Great,” Patrick replies, rather quickly David notices. And yes, a tiny little butterfly of curiosity might be peeking out of its cocoon somewhere deep in David’s heart...and wow, that metaphor went places that he can’t really get behind. Flying bugs are really not his thing.

“Okay, so he’ll be here around 8, so, I need to get to Alexis and Ted’s place for a mani/pedi and you need to…” David doesn’t actually know what Patrick needs to do, but he feels as though he needs to manage this little event so he knows what to expect.

“I’ll take a shower and find something nice to wear, how’s that?” Patrick offers with a sweet smile.

“Yes. Good. Yes, you do that.” David’s feeling jittery and he knows he needs to get to Alexis so she can help with some self care and remind him of the reasons Sebastien Raine was the biggest bastard David ever dated. “Oh, and wear that soft blue sweater you like, it’s my favorite.”

Patrick, who was on his way to his bedroom, stops in his tracks, swiveling on his socks to look at David who has just realized what’s he said.

“Oh really? I didn’t know you had a favorite sweater of mine…” Patrick teases, his stupid lips pursing as he throws David a smirk.

“Fine. Yes, it’s my favorite. And I also like your dark navy button down, but only if you wear it with your dark wash jeans. We’ve spoken about your mid-range denim and my thoughts on those. I notice these things, okay?” He knows he’s on one if his rants, but he also knows that Patrick finds those endlessly amusing for some reason, so he doesn’t give a damn. Patrick is just smiling at him and David is now smiling back, and they are just standing there, staring and smiling and it should be weird, but it’s not.

“Well, I’d tell you that I have a favorite sweater of yours, but there are just so many to choose from...so I’ll just say the black and white one,” Patrick says, his tone unmistakably flirtatious and David really doesn’t know what to do with that new information.

Knowing his cheeks must be flaming red at this point, he just turns towards the door to make a quick exit. “I’m going to see Alexis.”

He’s just pulling the door shut behind him when he hears Patrick call out, “See you later, honey!”

Oh my god. What has he gotten himself into?

XXX

His fingers are trembling as he prods at the front of his hair for the umpteenth time in the last five minutes, wishing he could conjure up some of his usual self confidence that usually reflects back at him when he stares in this mirror. But Sebastien really did a number on him and he’d honestly hoped he’d never have to see him again.

Patrick appears in David’s bedroom doorway, a soft smile on his adorable face and David’s favorite blue sweater stretched perfectly across his chest.

“Hi,” he whispers, the one word tinged with just a bit of shyness, almost as if he’s seeing David for the first time before a real date.

“Hi,” David replies, feeling his nerves from earlier shift from seeing Sebastien to the reality of Patrick actually pretending to be his boyfriend. They haven’t talked about what that should look like, or what they should do and why didn’t they come up with a plan?

Patrick can obviously sense the beginnings of David’s panic attack and steps into the room, his strong hands coming up to grab onto David’s biceps and give him a gentle squeeze. Wow, he smells amazing and David just wants to step forward, lean into the strength Patrick has offered to give him tonight and ignore the little warning bells going off in his brain.

“This is going to be easy, David. Trust me.” Patrick promises, his hands sliding down David’s arms until they meet David’s wrists, his eyes finding David’s as he tentatively aligns their palms. David’s breath catches in his chest and he’s sure he’s stopped breathing, but he curls his fingers in, a tiny puff of air escaping his lips when Patrick follows his lead and does the same. They are holding hands. And Patrick looks suddenly serious, his eyes darting down, almost imperceptibly at David’s lips, before meeting David’s frozen gaze.

What the fuck is happening here?

“See, easy…” Patrick says on a soft breath, his face transforming as he smiles into his usual confident, calm self.

“Are we ready to do this?” David asks, feeling a bit more steady, but still in need of some reassurance that this isn’t a monstrously huge mistake.

“Let’s go,” Patrick replies, letting go of one of David’s hands so he can pull him down the hall with the other. David notices for the first time that Patrick has put on his dark wash jeans, the ones that make his ass look like an absolute snack.

“Nice jeans,” he teases, trying to see if he can get into this fake flirting thing, but realizing almost immediately that the words don’t really sound different from the way he would have normally interacted with Patrick. Interesting…

“Well, my boyfriend doesn’t like my other jeans, so I…” Patrick lets the words trail off as he chuckles to himself, still holding David’s hand as they make their way into the living room.

“I just know what’s correct,” David points out, looking over at the microwave to see the time. It’s 8:15 and of course Sebastien is late, because god forbid he ever take anyone else’s time into consideration as he floats through life on his narcissistic cloud.

“I guess we can sit,” David says, awkwardly pointing to the couch with his free hand. He’s not quite sure why Patrick hasn’t let go, but he’s not one to question an actor’s process. Patrick settles in close beside him on their couch, his thigh pressing tightly against David’s as he pulls their joined hands atop his knee. David feels warm all over and suddenly wishes he’d chosen a lighter sweater, but he’s always liked this one with the big white lightning bolt. It makes him feel powerful and bold, two things he never felt when he was with Sebastien, but has definitely felt these last few months living with Patrick. And no, that isn’t a new revelation, but something he really shouldn’t be thinking about with Patrick’s hand holding his tight in this little charade.

“So, anything I should know about this guy?” Patrick asks, his expression genuinely curious when David sneaks a glance.

“Let’s see,” he begins, raising one finger at a time as he lists off Sebastien’s best attributes, “Asshole. Narcissist. Photographer. Manipulative. Asshole. Yeah, that pretty much sums him up.”

Patrick just shakes his head, smiling down at their joined hands as he replies, “Sounds like a real catch there, David.”

“I’m the one who got caught in his net of lies, not the other way around, unfortunately,” David readily admits, feeling oddly okay with Patrick knowing this. Maybe it’s because David knows he’s changed so much from the man he was back then. Or maybe it’s because of the man beside him, this genuine, deeply good man who’s helped to restore some of David’s faith in humanity as a whole.

Patrick gives his hand a squeeze and David looks over, smiling at the tenderness he sees in Patrick’s honey brown eyes.

“Well, I’m glad you got free,” Patrick says quietly, not looking away, which has David’s heart racing to life beneath the lightning bolt on his chest.

“That’s a really lovely thing to say,” he quips, that tiny butterfly from before spreading its wings wide as Patrick’s lips curve up in amusement.

“And I’m really glad I met you, Patrick, because you’re the best fake boyfriend I’ve ever had.” Patrick jokes back and oh my god, this is the most fun David’s had in a long time.

“Mmm, a bold claim,” David retorts, his lips contorting into a crooked smile as Patrick goes quiet, his eyes darting again down to David’s mouth. If this was a real date, David would lean in and kiss him, but it’s not, so he’s suddenly completely unsure as to what the fuck he’s supposed to do now.

That’s the moment David’s phone buzzes in his pocket, breaking the mood completely, for better or worse. Reaching into his back pocket, he pulls out his phone, huffing out with annoyance as he reads the text on the screen.

“He’s not coming,” David announces, tossing the phone across the couch and slumping back against the cushion.

Patrick drops his hand then and David feels a sense of loss he hopes doesn’t show across his face.

“Oh, that’s too bad,” Patrick mumbles, turning slightly to face David before also leaning into the back of the couch. When David turns to look at him, their faces are now just a few inches away. And yes, his heart, the devious little shit, it starts to speed up again, despite the brakes he knows have been put on this very confusing evening.

“Why too bad?” he asks, unsure as to why Patrick would actually have wanted to meet his stupid ex.

Patrick doesn’t answer. He just looks at David with a soft expression, one David is pretty sure is part regret and part anticipation. Or maybe that’s what David wants to see, but fuck it, he’s going to be the bold David Rose he prides himself as and just take a leap. Leaning in slowly, he takes a breath in, thankful to notice Patrick’s eyes fall briefly to his lips again right before David takes his mouth in a kiss.

Patrick’s bottom lip is just as soft as David had imagined, but he never could have conjured the sensation of what it would feel like for Patrick to be kissing him back. It’s not a passionate kiss by any means, but it’s soft and gentle, and Patrick is leaning into it and definitely an active participant. He’s about to pull back when Patrick’s hand comes up to cradle the back of his head, holding him close as he opens his mouth just a bit, his breath hot against David’s lips for a brief moment before he’s kissing David with renewed confidence. David’s turns his body towards Patrick, gripping the front of his sweater as Patrick’s tongue sweeps into his mouth and sets everything David knew to be his reality off into some other time and place. Patrick seems a bit lost, too, his eyes a bit out of focus as he suddenly pulls back and places his hands on David’s cheeks.

“Thank you,” he pants, the words coming out on a few heavy breaths.

David just stares at him, heart pounding in his ears as he opens his hand to steady himself on Patrick’s chest. “For what?” he asks, honestly curious as to what he’s being thanked for.

“I’ve been wanting to do that for weeks, and I was getting scared it wouldn’t ever happen for us…” he says, voice trailing off as his eyes widen, obviously needing David to say something.

That whole reality having shifted thing, it’s got David totally off balance, but he’s pretty sure of something, but he wants to confirm. “I’m the first guy?”

“The only,” Patrick replies, his tone so serious David swears his stomach does a complete backflip in his belly. Entirely too soon to take that as some sort of declaration, David has to, for his own sanity, lighten the moment for them both.

“Well, as your fake boyfriend, I couldn’t not give you a good night kiss,” he says with a smile, his eyes dropping on their own accord to Patrick’s full bottom lip he’d honestly enjoy another taste of. Patrick must notice, as one of his hands on David’s cheeks is moving to the back of his head, pulling him forward again.

“I don’t remember saying goodnight,” Patrick whispers, his lips warm and languid as he kisses David again, and again, and again.

They do eventually say goodnight, but it’s with David stretched out on their too big couch with Patrick snuggled up against his side. David reaches out to thumb lightly at at the beard burn on Patrick’s chin and Patrick smiles, eyes still closed as he drifts further towards sleep. And David, he feels a bit of his balance return, or maybe he just realizes it never really left, he just needed to notice he’d been standing pretty steadily on his own two feet for a while now, thanks in part to the man sleeping in his arms.

[datingadviceonreddit]

Ok, I posted this in a couple other subreddits. I am very sure this type of post has been made many times, but I am looking for unbiased help. I will do my best to keep my thoughts and questions together.Background: I am 23/F and my ex bf is the same age. It all started when we began to date when we were 15 years old, so he is most definitely my first love. From the time we were 15 until we were both 20-21 we stayed together despite many tumultuous break ups, fights, etc.Throughout our 5-6 years together (off an on) he has made many terrible choices. He has displayed on many occasions that he is very one sided and has a hard time having empathy for others feelings, especially mine, making him very toxic in my life. To say my family and friends hate him is definitely a safe bet. On top of that, he had an intense alcohol dependency from the ripe young age of 18. Yikes! The alcohol only fueled the fire. I could honestly probably write a 4 part novel saga on the amount of mistakes he has made. While I know this all sounds like it would be all very obvious to let him go, this is a lot harder said than done. I am a very strong, level headed person. I always have been and I have always had a very strong understanding of myself, my values, my overall being. And I ALWAYS encourage kindness and positivity. But he is the one person/thing that has a total grasp around me. So I was always supportive, loyal, and his number one fan no matter what he put me through. I was young and couldn't understand why someone could hurt someone so bad, so I pushed on through anyway. Now, I also want to add that I have had this intense, instinctive feeling since the day I met him that he was someone that was meant to be in my life. It is a feeling I cannot explain and a feeling that I have no control over. So I question, is this person my soulmate? It sure feels that way in my heart, but my brain tells me no based on how I have been treated.So one day, after all those years of letting him control me, I left him. Didn't give him any answers, just blocked him from my life and had zero contact for a solid year. After a year of having no interest in talking to him, I started getting this extreme and persistent urge that I needed to talk to him RIGHT away. So I did. We saw each other, we had many tears, and we hung out for a couple of days. Then he started slowly acting like a jackass again when he started drinking. So again, I blocked him without any remorse and didn't speak to him again for a solid year again. Now fast forward to the present. He has moved to another state to try and get better from the alcohol, start new, etc. He was gone for maybe 6 months, I'd say? Not sure, I only knew he moved and all that through others since I hadn't talked to him. He had to return home in May for a family emergency. He reached out to me, we talked and I made sure he knew that I felt wary about talking to him. But no matter how wary I felt, that overpowering feeling of emotion took over. So we have been talking off and on for the last month. We saw each other once for a couple hours, it went well and we did not fight and I have not seen him since. He also has not been drinking. He does not know if he will move back home or not. I think a lot of it depends on me.Saturday night he confessed that he is still in love with me, he will do anything to make it right with me, it was meant to be. I told him I love him but asked if we can still just keep talking. Now it's been a few days and he hasn't been saying much. I asked him why and he said we are on different pages and that he wants to be with me and I don't. And if I can't be with him then maybe he should start the process of trying to get over me again. I told him that I never said no and that I just asked if we can keep talking. I want to take things slowly. I (ideally) want to build us back up, start over, not jump into anything and repeat the cycle. I am not sure how this will all go. So long story, short. I don't know what to do. I know the obvious would be to let go, but I really truly do love him. I have tried getting over him and while I have him blocked it is easy for me to act like I don't care but deep down I do. But I have so many conflicting feelings. Half of me resents him and half of me has this intense feeling of love. I keep dreaming of him and all the good times we had. Even when we have been broken up for two years. For as much bad, there was also a lot of good.Should I let go? If I choose to be with him, how do I get him to acknowledge his past behavior and mistakes without him thinking I am attacking him or constantly dwelling on the past? How do I communicate with him that he needs to remember I have feelings too and that I am not just "being sensitive"? What about my family and friends? They would never, ever accept him in my life. I don't even know if he is even capable of change. I am confused and I do not know what to do. Any advice, comments, critique, empathy, personal experiences, anything is welcome! I need help getting through this.Honestly, I hope I was able to convey what I am feeling and my thoughts in the way I want.TL;DR: First love has caused much pain in the past. Comes back and wants to try things again. I'm not over him and don't know how to go about fixing things if I choose to try things with him again. via /r/dating_advice