#honestly my ex wasn’t that verbal so I’m just not used to it hahaha

[rosicheeks]

Verbal meaning the guy is being verbal with you during sex, whether praising or teasing. And some would consider talking about your fat tits and ass and talking about sharing you or posting pics of you and/or showing them to friends humiliation. But yeah.

Them being verbal? Yes pls

Me being verbal? No 😤

[purplesurveys]

891

Could you live without power for a week? I wouldn’t die, but it would really suck because then I’d have to watch out for my phone’s and laptop’s battery life, plus it would be incredibly uncomfortable without electric fans and aircons...I wouldn’t die, but I’d hate it. When was the last time you slept on the floor? The day before I got sick. End of May.  Have you regretted anything you said today? No. I haven’t talked to anyone; it’s only 7:59 in the morning. What do you think about airport security? I think it’s essential. I understand why they have to be rigid; better that than not at all. How many doors are in your house? I just answered this on a recent survey, how interesting lol. 13.

Do you keep a journal? This is it. What was the last thing you wished for? A tray of baked sushi. Do you pray? No. Do you like it when your date pays, or do you feel bad? I feel bad, but I’m also appreciative. I only let her pay when I’m short, or when I’m craving a certain restaurant but don’t have the budget for it that day. Most of the time we prefer splitting the bill. Do you spoil your friends? Just my girlfriend.  Are cramped places scary? Not for the most part but my anxiety will sometimes get triggered. But what happens and what sucks about it is that it gets set off at the most random times, so I never really know when I’m bound to get scared. Would you ever consider riding in a trunk? If it was a dare and I’d be paid handsomely for it then I don’t see why not. Does it irritate you when a fellow passenger brings lots of luggage? No. Their business shouldn’t bother me. Ever been leeched by a leech? Nope. Have you ever lied to make someone dislike you? Why would I actively make someone dislike me? Ever had a fear of mirrors? No, I find them fascinating. All four walls in the elevators of the hotel that my mom works in are mirrors, and they’re fun to take photos with haha. What song can you not stop listening to? Right now it’ssssss no song without you - HONNE. Do you take vitamins? Yeah we take vitamin C tablets every night, but sometimes I’ll forget. What's the longest you've stayed at a hotel? A week. Do you buy your music or download? I stream them on Spotify. I used to either buy CDs (usually if I was a big fan of the artist/band) or convert YouTube audio to MP4 to transfer it to my iTunes. Do any of your friends grow weed? No. Not that I know of, at least. Do you like arguing? I don’t like fighting, but if by arguing you mean having a respectful and civil debate then yes, those are fun. Does it bother you when people don't say goodbye before hanging up? It doesn’t really bother me? It just confuses me haha. I need a verbal cue to know when I can hang up. If the person on the line doesn’t say bye I’ll just linger on the phone waiting until it starts to feel awkward and I go initiate the bye instead. Have you ever owned an unlucky object? I don’t believe in those. Do you think voodoo works? No but it’s funny to think about sometimes, in a childish way. What habit do you find most disgusting? I really hate seeing people spit in public. Usually it’s truck drivers or their co-drivers. I always encounter at least one spitter while driving everyday, and it has never failed to make me shudder. Do you often feel ignored? It’s not a strong feeling, no. Can you read music? This is on every survey lately... no I can’t.

Are you optimistic? Sometimes. I think I’m a healthy balance of that and pessimism. Does it scare you to walk over sewer vents in the street? Yes. I always avoid them or skip over them, especially the ones that are already obviously unstable and wobble when someone steps on them. Is your lifestyle healthy or unhealthy? Unhealthy. I don’t watch what I eat and I’ve never entered a gym. But idk, the genes on my mom’s side are impressive and all of us have decent physiques and never get sick – my grandma is 74 but can honestly pass for 50 – so I must’ve taken after that side of the family. Is it easy for you to remember stuff? Yeah, very. Except for numbers. Last electronic object you drowned? That has never happened to any of my gadgets, fortunately. How well do you handle responsibility? Depends how comfortable I am with the task at hand and how much I already have on my plate, if ever. But I never not get anything done. I’m very deadline-driven and everyone who knows me knows I turn in everything asked of me at the end of the day, even if I don’t think I did well enough. Are you afraid of getting old? Sometimes I’ll start to get scared at how short life actually is and what can possibly happen after it, but these are fleeting thoughts. I like living in the present. What's something you wish you could start over? College. Just so I can do my freshman year the way I actually wanted it to go. Are you a loud person? In certain situations. I love being loud with my friends in a bar or when we’re at an amusement park, but I prefer that we don’t make a ruckus at the mall or at a restaurant. Do you believe in guns? No. I honestly don’t understand those who buy it for themselves when they can get other weapons if they’re really hell-bent on self-defense. But idk, I guess I’m speaking from a place (like, a literal place lol) where it’s extremely uncommon for ordinary people to get themselves guns. Are porcelain dolls attractive, or scary? Neither. I just find them a little unsettling, but not scary. Are you friends with someone because you feel bad for them? Not currently. But one time I did try to befriend someone who would be considered a loner, but I realized we had different personalities and interests so I stopped talking to her after a while. Oops. Do you like back rubs? No, I’m ticklish. Do you give good ones? No.

Which of your friends provides the most stimulating conversations? All of them do, to tell the truth. I guess I’m just automatically drawn to intelligent people haha. Do you wish to go to London? It’s not high up on my list but eh, sure. Have you ever felt like you were in a movie? No. I feel that movies are outlets for situations that would never happen in real life, so I’ve never felt as if I was in one. Do you drink enough water daily? I don’t drink the ~recommended~ amount but I still the drink the most in my family. Is burning things fun? I’d rather watch other people burn things. I’m scared of fire, so.

Do you like morbid things? Some. Can you sew? Nope. Have you ever just sat and read a dictionary? Oh my god yeah... after I watched Akeelah and the Bee for the first time I wanted to start joining spelling bees too, so I’d whip out my dictionary almost everyday and start reading the words. There were never any competitions to join here, but from 4th to 7th grade we would have spelling quizzes in our English language class and I aced all of those. Whose cooking do you most despise? No one’s. I love the cooking of all my loved ones. When you were little, did your parents make you sit in the corner? No but in school they made me do it once, for something that wasn’t my fault. My parents didn’t have any methods to discipline me because I was mostly a well-behaved kid anyway. Red roses, or black roses? Red. Do you blast your music concert-loud? I used to. Don’t really do it anymore. Do any of your exes bother you? Nope. Do you like taking pictures of yourself? Hell no. The camera has never been my friend. How about just taking pictures? I like taking photos of my dogs, my best friends, the food I eat, and new places I go to. So to an extent, I do. I don’t dabble in photography though; I just like taking snapshots.

Is cheaper really better? Sometimes, especially when you’re naturally good at hunting down that kind of stuff. My sister will sometimes find Zara jeans or jackets for like ₱80 at an ukay-ukay lol Last thing you ordered from Amazon? I’ve never ordered anything off of Amazon. Or do you prefer ebay? Never ordered from eBay either. Are you good at writing cards for people? I love writing letters for my loved ones. I never buy cards that already have text in them as I want the whole thing to come from me. Do you like camping? I’ve never tried it so I wouldn’t know. I want to go camping at least once though, and with my best friends. Last place you were stranded? The highway. Do you like dragonflies? Omg no they freak me outtt. How many pages is the novel you're currently reading? I’ve started to reread Little Women because I’m planning to watch the 2019 adaptation, but I’m not sure how many pages it has. What's something everybody's never heard of? The sound of a tree falling in the middle of the jungle that no person is currently in. Hahaha that was my philosophy professor’s favorite example to use. Are your talents recognized? I think they are, yes. Can you handle silence for long periods of time? Only if I need it. Otherwise it tends to make me uneasy. Do you do well against temptation? For the most part, yep. But if food is involved I usually fail lol

[knight-of-trash]

1-47?

Oh dangie you went there! Okay. Here we go.

1.Do you want a boyfriend or girlfriend?

Yes, I want a girlfriend. I miss having someone in my life who is an endless supply of support. I miss having someone to send mushy stuff to, because I am mushy and full of feelings. I miss inside jokes and daydreaming about the next time I see her. I just miss that.

2.When did your last hug take place?

Mm…Last Tuesday. I hugged my friend Tia.

3.Are you a jealous person?

Oh yes. But in my defense, it’s mostly because of my mental illnesses. I feel super insecure, and that can make me bitter.

4.Are you tired right now?

Yes, I just got back from jogging.

5.Do you chew on your straws?

Not anymore.

6.Have you ever been called a tease?

Believe it or not, I have.

7.Have you ever been awake for 48 hours straight?

No. My record is 39 hours.

8.Do you cry easily?

Only when I’m alone.

9.What should you be doing right now?

Cleaning floors.

10.Are you a heavy sleeper?

Ehhh…I wake up when people enter or move around the room I’m sleeping in, but I can sleep through tornado sirens, violent storms, and supersonic jets doing practice drills overhead.

11.Do you think you can last in a relationship for 6 months?

Honestly? No. I never seem to make it past 5 months. Most people just can’t handle my needs for validation and attention, so we end up breaking up for one reason or another.

12.Are you mad at someone right now?

Yes, though I probably have no right to be. So, my ex hasn’t spoken to me directly in over a month. No big deal…Wouldn’t be the first time this has happened. Except this time it’s different. In the past month, my cat Oliver was diagnosed with Lymphoma, I was in my first car wreck, totalted my car, and then a week after starting Oliver on chemo, we had him put to sleep because he wasn’t responding to it, and he was clearly suffering. So during all of this, I tried to get a hold of her, because I really…really wanted her comfort. I know it might be unfair to put that much on another person, but really I just wanted her to tell me it was going to be okay, and was there for me. The most I would’ve probably asked of her was to spend time with me after Oliver’s death, because I haven’t been without that cat in over 9 years, and he was basically my biggest source of emotional support for the past 9 years, and has kept me alive during some serious suicidal moments in my life. But I didn’t hear anything from her. I know we’re exes, but we are trying to be friends at the very least, and friends don’t let friends go through that alone. Especially not when I’ve told her during every crisis in her life since I came into it, in every hardship, that I’m here if she ever needs me. It just feels like I don’t matter, and to have that happen during all this negativity in my life, it’s been very detrimental to my self worth. So yeah, I’m angry. It’s like Rowan all over again when Spice died, except Rowan took it a step further, and said “It was just a cat.” But at least Rowan had the wherewithal to text me a, “U ok?” text and tell me “No” when I asked them to come over, despite being close to a mental breakdown and being highly non-verbal at the time of Spice’s death. (And Spice wasn’t even my cat, she was my brother’s. She just went into like cardiac arrest when I was home alone with her.)

13.Do you believe in love?

Sort of. True love isn’t something that just happens. It takes time, and equal effort. You need someone who can meet you halfway, and makes an effort to make you an active part of their life for it to be true love. You both need to be willing ot work through things, and admit when you hurt the other, and then NEVER do that thing again.

14.What makes you laugh no matter what?

Space Jam vines.

15.Who was the last person you talked to?

My mom.

16.Do you get butterflies around the person you like?

If I am around someone I like I get butterflies, yes.

17.Will you get married?

Gotta have a long relationship first, but we all know that’s not my forte.

18.When was the last time you smiled?

Like really smiled? I was at Target with my friend Emily, and we were buying a shit ton of Capri Sun, The Oregon Trail board game, a box of 120 Crayons, and some suer cheap Pilsberry Valentine’s cupcake mix and frosting.

19.Does anyone like you?

My Finn, Raphael likes me. He tries to flirt with me a lot and always calls me beautiful, but honestly, I’m not really interested in him.

20.Do you secretly like someone?

No. Wait. Yes. I’ve had a secret crush on a friend for like three years. I won’t tell her though, because number one, we don’t talk much, and I feel like we’re better friends than anything, but got'damn if she ain’t my type.

21.Who was the first person you talked to today?

Technically…If we’re going off of what time it was, Rheann. If we’re going off after I fell asleep and woke up earlier today, my mom, when she handed me my new pocket knife.

22.Who do you feel most comfortable talking to about anything?

Emily probably. She knows I’m a dirty robot fucker, and there’s really no coming back from that.

23.What are you NOT looking forward to?

Developing the roll of film from Oliver’s last 24 hours alive. There’s roughly 35 shots on the film, and my professor REALLY wants me to develop it on Tuesday, but…If I’m being honest, I’m not sure I’m ready for that. Not when the last picture is-…Is after it was confirmed his heart stopped.

24.What ARE you looking forward to?

Spring break. My birthday is during spring break this year, so I don’t have to be at school on my birthday, so I get to sleep in, despite it being on a Monday. That’s really the only thing I’m looking forward to when it comes to the near future, and my birthday. I don’t really like to celebrate it, but sleeping in on it is definetly a plus.

25.Has someone of the opposite sex ever told you they loved you, and meant it?

Yeah, and it’s ridiculous.

26.Suppose you see your ex kissing another person what would you do?

Honestly? I would be pretty hurt. There are still some complicated feelings there, at least for me, and I would probably walk off, find a place to be alone, cry for a while, then cut all contact, and not speak to literally anyone for a while until I accept it, and allow myself time to heal and move on, before trying to become friends with her again.

27.Do you plan on moving out within the next year?

Wish I could.

28.Are you a forgiving person?

You have no idea the shit I have been able to forgive. I was able to forgive my abusive ex boyfriend, Lewis, despite him emotionally and mentally abusing me for a year. Now we play Minecraft together every so often. I can forgive people for canceling plans with me as long as they don’t cancel the next plans we have together, unless it’s like a family emergency or they got called into work, or freak weather happens. I can forgive almost anything if a person is sincere enough in their apology, and finds a way to make it up to me. I’m very easy in that sense. I pride myself on being a very understanding, very forgiving person. It’s one of my only virtues.

29.How many TRUE friends do you have?

…One? I guess? Emily has been my friend since freshman year of highschool, and has put up with my shit more than anyone else has. There’s never been a time where I’ve questioned her being my friend, nor have we ever really fought before.

30.Do you fall for people easily?

Okay listen here you little shit…I MAY have a problem with seeing pretty girls and going, “Holy fuck! Marry me?????” but listen! LISTEN! …I am an innocent little bean, just looking for love, and therefore, no one can judge me!

31.Have you ever fallen for your ex’s best friend?

Pfffhahaha that implies I know my exes best friends.

32.What’s the last thing you put in your mouth?

My headphone. Why do I do that???

33.Who was the last person you drove with?

Baker. I drive her home after class on Tuesdays and Thursdays.

34.How late did you stay up last night and why?

3:30am. Rheann was having a hard time, and my mom friend mode activated, so I needed to make sure she knew that she is doing her best with school, and that she shouldn’t compare herself to others, and that she’s not going to fail, because she is way smarter than me, and I believe in her, and know she’s perfectly capable of suceeding in school, even though she feels overwhelmed right now. AND SHE BETTER NOT FORGET THAT!!!

35.If you could move somewhere else, would you?

California. I hear they want to succeed from the US, and I am DOWN for that. I don’t give no fucks about no drought or cancer everywhere, get me out of the Trump regime now, pretty please.

36.Who was the last person you took a picture of?

Myself, post-jog.

37.Can you live a day without TV?

I mean…Realistically I could. I think I managed to not watch TV last Tuesday.

38.When was the last time you were extremely disappointed?

August 14th, 2016. The last Monday before I started school. My girlfriend at the time was supposed to come over and hang out with me on her day off. She never showed up, and when I texted her asking her if she was coming or not, she said no, and wouldn’t explain to me what was going on. So I flipped out and broke up with her because lord have fucking mercy, that was like the twelveth time she had flaked on me that summer, and I was livid! So I guess that would be the last time I was extremely disappointed.

39.Three names you go by..

My lastname, Ali, and Kiki.

40.Are you currently in a relationship?

No. Do I want one? Yes. Have I ever had one in February? No. Am I depressed by this? Fuck yes. Am I looking forward to Valentine’s Day? Hahaha I’m going to throw myself off a bridge.

41.What is your all-time favorite romance movie?

Titanic I guess. I’ve only seen it 70 times.

42.Do you believe that everyone has a soul-mate?

I believe there are people who are soul-compatible. In your life time, you’ll meet many people like that. Friends, pets, romantic partners. Those that are truly your match will find ways to stay in your life for years and years and years. But in my opinion, souls change. Rarely though, you will find someone who’s soul changes with yours. Never let them go.

43.What’s your current problem?

I have 99 of them, and at least 4 of them are the fact that my cat just died. 1 of them is my sever lack of pink roses in my life.

44.Have you ever had your heart broken?

My heart is fragile. Even after years of abusive relationships both platonic and romantic, child sexual abuse, betrayals, and bullying, my heart is as fragile as butterfly wings. I trust too easily, I love to quickly, and believe too strongly. I set myself up for heart break after heart break, but you know what? I like being hopeful, and being intense with my heart. It’s apparently what makes me so charming.

45.Your thoughts of long distance relationships?

They don’t work for me. I require a lot of attention, so they’re a no can do. Kudos to others who make it work though.

46.How many kids do you want to have?

Hmm…I used to have vivid dreams of having three kids. Figure it gives me a chance to have a boy and girl, and then whatever happens happens.

47.Have you ever found it hard to tell someone you like them?

Yes. I don’t like to inconvenience people. Part of the reason my secret crush is my secret crush is because I didn’t want to hold her back. I don’t want people to feel obligated to return my feelings, and I don’t want people to date me, only to leave me a month later because I’m “too intense”. That’s why I find it hard to tell people I like them most of the time. The last person I told I liked them though, I did it because it felt right to me. It felt like if I didn’t I was going to miss out on the most important thing in my life. You know what I mean?

[realcaptainjim]

Random blah

How do you just open up randomly to the masses or groups without coming off stupid or trite or anything other than "fuck I just wanna say something"?

It's difficult.

But, with all media and all friends and everyone in my life I am perceived as just one section. Granted, I did that shit to myself. Hahaha I mean... I've kept myself guarded for years and so few people really know me. In fact those that know me only know parts.

I guess I just want to breathe and admit all of who I am for the hope that people can just see it once.

What is the most prominent part of me? Without saying I am this BUT... I'm also that?

Well let's start either way with the most rewarding part of me and trickle down.

I'm a parent of two. Well, I am a father of two. Which I guess is shocking given a lot of my re-blogs. But, I am.

I am a father of two beautiful miniature people who honestly don't know that I have a kink side. Honestly though, how many of us parents would want our kids to know that? Not really out of embarrassment, but quite frankly out of the fact that children can't fathom and shouldn't fathom that part of us.

So, I am a Dad... A male to female transitioning dad. They decided that I will keep that title and I will always say it with gross pride! Even though I giggle when introduced as "This is my dad, HER name is Jem."

Some people gasp or grow confused, others simply smile and continue normally. For me, it's just awesome how supportive my kids are of this path that I hid for so long.

And... That leads to where I began transitioning... It was the day after Trump was elected. My kids were scared. They are of mixed ethnicity and had been facing new adversity because of that... It still rings loud in my ears when my youngest said... "It's not fair, we can't hide who we are, but you can."

At that moment it was put up or shut up time. I couldn't hide myself any longer... They had known for a while and had accepted me... It was time I accepted myself and made sure to set an example in a scary world.

So... I am a trans-parent... Who stilllll loves women! That's the other thing that confuses so many. I am on the road to being a woman... But, still prefer and adore pussy to dick. After all "if I don't want mine, why the hell would I want yours in me." That's how I explain it to guys.

Sorry, but I find the male form repulsive. But, that's just from my personal Dogma. Men can be beautiful inside and out! And there's so many cute gay, straight, and transitioning men out there! I just find the penis to be... Ewwwy!

So... I'm a trans-parent... lesbian. That's how I define it... Who loves bondage! As an art, as a part of intimacy, as a form of sharing with friends... Now to what degree do I assign each part of that? Oh dear. Haha. I'm on the fence about collaring a mate or having a mate and collaring a sub... Or having a mate and US collaring a sub or a mutual mate.

More so... I think it's ok to tie up a friend and watch Netflix and giggle together... As much as I think it's awesome to have a mate tied for sex or to just chill.

Wait... Brought up sex. So I'm transitioning... And I like girls... How... Do... I...? I've said for years that I view the thing as "a permanent meat strap on." For that view, it's made coping easier and relationships with bi or lesbian women work...

Buuuut, I'm transitioning... So it's not permanent, right? Welllll... That's an expensive surgery... And financially I have those two amazing miniatures as my top priority... So, that comes down the road. "Then you're just a transvestite" the TLGBQP community tells me. Um.... Sorry, I define me, thank you very much!!!!!

So... That gender dysphoria and being trans is why most think I am a bondage/fetish/kink person. Pfffft. No... Actually, psychologically it can be tied to severe separation anxiety.

I grew up with a bi-polar/skitz mother and a father who wanted to ignore that, so he made sure to be at work constantly and leave me with the emotional, verbal, and physically abusive woman.

Ok ok ok... So a childhood of abuse... That's why I am trans. Noooooooooope.

Actually... I was born a little boy and a little girl... Spent a chunk of my childhood in hospitals having "reconstructive" surgeries... Because "we had a boy and we have to fix this."

Talk about combo pain!

Buuuut, dad wasn't around and mom was always in a psychiatric treatment ward... So... How did you---

My Aunt pretty much raised me. Granted I spent a lot of time bouncing around family member to family member as a child... But, my aunt-- my mom's sister-- was the one at the appointments... The one scheduling surgeries in between having my mom committed or pulling her off of trying to kill dad or swooping in to make sure mom didn't beat me too hard on my birthdays.

Ok ok ok... So that's fucked up. That's why you're into bond--

When I was fifteen my aunt died of cancer. My mother was sane enough through that year to take care of her... And when she couldn't, I did.

Long story short... I didn't get to say goodbye or express my love the last chance I had to my aunt... I was exhausted and couldn't quite understand it all and through a tantrum the last time I could have said anything.

So I stood powerlessly listening to the flat line feeling the warmth leave her hand. Frozen. Pushed aside by her "loving" husband to check-- I stood there as people came and went for hours. My cousin had to pick me up like a baby so I could move.

It's like all emotion but anger left me that day.

Years later I met my ex-wife. Our first date... Stupid old movie. AI... The scene where the robots mom closed her eyes for the last time... I lost it. I cried for what seemed like forever.

We confused our understanding of pain in each other that day for love. It was love. The love friends share... But we... We didn't know better.

We had met online (both teens) in the era of AOL chatboards. I was writing out a suicide note... It was to be my last try (10th) and I was going to go see my aunt. But, that stubborn bitch began messaging me.

She had thought I was a full on woman by the time we went on our first date.

Surprise!

So the beautiful dyke lesbian and the trans dated and got married. Somewhere in between she introduced sex and fetish to me. What a release! My first collared woman. And for that experience and being married and having kids and juggling it all together... I'll be forever grateful.

But... We fell apart.

She had needs I couldn't always fulfill. So I wanted her, my wife, to feel fulfilled. We swing (if that's the term), shared women... So on. But the more life set in, the more it was noticeable that our love was... Not what we thought.

I left her. I wanted her happy. I knew she had fallen for this one guy... I knew that he was hers. I broke it off in the worst of ways.

Anger. For years. Resentment.... 10 years she's been with him. I've never found a mate to accept me... All of me. Damned if I didn't try though.

She's stayed faithful and with him for 10 years while I dated and slept around looking for... Idk what exactly other than acceptance and comfort and a "team."

So... I'm a trans-parent divorcee who loves pussy and bondage and can't find a woman patient enough to take all of that in. Haha.

BUT... I'm also a writer... A crochet junky... An emotional empath due to a weird ass experience from my youth... I'm also a pagan/Hindi/ Catholic (don't you dare tell me that I can't combine and proudly say that), I am a hospitality/F&B career person, I am an outdoors enthusiast... I'm an introvert who is a great actress at being outgoing for my career... I'm a damned loyal yet extremely perverse and sexual friend... So few accept that.

I'm a lot... And there is so much more to my story. But I already feel I am boring whoever the fuck reads this... I am a giant "oxymoron" as one of my dearest friends says about herself.

I make so many people uncomfortable and I am completely unconventional.

I've been homeless and forgotten...

I've had a big ass home...

I used to be a player and still consider myself a slut...

I've fought alcoholism, but refuse AA and still occasionally drink!

I have soooo many crushes... A handful of ones that "got away..." A woman I'd marry in a heartbeat... Several women I want to have sex with just to know what it's like but only see them as friends and think the experience would just strengthen our friendship... 2 women that I just want to cuddle with because they are soooo cuddly, but that's all I'd like to experience... And I have a group of women who everyday have set an example of what it means TO BE a woman! And so far... 1 woman who has shown me that there's a way to juggle all aspects as long as you do it looking good :-)

I'm a lot. People view so many sides...

I just had to get it off my chest as yet another person in my life has had cancer appear and used it as a means to admonish all parts of me.

[purplesurveys]

783

Are you afraid of lifts? Enough to make me never want to get on one alone. I honestly can’t remember I wasn’t on an elevator with anyone, and I prefer dragging someone along.

Who did you last talk to in person? Is that person attractive? My sister. I feel like pretty is a more suitable word for me to use as attractive feels somewhat creepy lmao.

Have you ever had a deep, personal conversation with a stranger? Yeah. Back in my internship I had to be present to assist one of our clients who was gonna be a guest in a morning talk show, and after his segment we had breakfast at a nearby restaurant where he talked about his life and his struggles to get to where he is now. It was such an insightful conversation and he was incredibly wise. As shy as I was then, I never forgot that talk and I’m really grateful for the experience.

On a scale of 1 to 10, how would you rate your own appearance? Why? Idk, an 8 maybe? I’m generally ok with my looks, minus my teeth and how frizzy my hair can get sometimes.

Who was the last person to send you a message on Facebook? When was the last time you saw that person? Angela. The last time I saw her was when we went out to BGC to drink and party, whenever that was. I think it was the last weekend of February?

If you decided, at this moment in time, that you were going to make a sandwich, what would you put on it? Ham and cheese.

Let’s talk about the person you had your first kiss with. Do you still talk to that person? If so, do you still like them? Would you kiss them again? Yep, I’m on the phone with her right now. Yes and yes.

When was the last time you saw your ex? No ex.

Are you good at controlling your emotions, or do you tend to let them get the better of you? I can be good at controlling them, but once it gets personal I allow them to take over me.

At this moment in time, what do you want the most? Sushi.

How many times have you cried over the person you love/like? Too many to count on one hand, and for various reasons. Not to say she makes me miserable, it’s just because she has the ability to affect me the most.

How exactly are you feeling right now? Why do you feel the way you do? I ammmmmmm feeling a little hungry because it’s been a while since we had dinner, and very awake thanks to the cup of coffee I just finished. I’m also comforted by the fact that my girlfriend is just on the other line at the moment.

What’s the relationship status of the last person that put their arms around you? He is married.

Has the last person you held hands with, ever told you that they love you? So many times.

Is there someone you used to hang out with all the time, and now you don’t anymore? If so, do you ever miss that person? Why do you think your relationship changed?   Yeah dude, a lot of people. I miss some and I don’t miss some. The reasons are different for everyone; like I grew apart with Sofie because college had just physically torn us apart there was no way for us to be able to keep up with each other; Katreen found her own circle in college and slowly stopped talking to me; Athenna simply turned into a really bitter person after high school; Macy had personal issues to fix and she just sort of tuned a lot of people out in the process, including me. I’m just glad I’ve learned to not be resentful about these failed friendships.

Who was the last person you talked to, whose name started with ‘H’? What color are that person’s eyes? I think it was Hannah. Brown.

Who was the last person you talked to, whose name started with ‘M’? How did you meet that person? Angela’s first name is Maria so I’m counting that hahaha. We met in first grade. We were seatmates and I accidentally stabbed her palm with a pencil, making it bleed. The rest was history.

The person you love/like is offered a job in another country. Would you let them go, or try and convince them to stay? Let them go. We’ve discussed this a bunch of times.

Is there anyone you dislike so much, that you actually can’t stand to be around them? I don’t always actively dislike her, but after years of verbal abuse I can never be comfortable being alone with my mom for more than a few minutes. I’m incapable of keeping up a conversation with her and I also don’t like it when she reaches her hand out to touch me, and I always automatically flinch just enough for her not to notice.

When was the last time you wanted to cry, but didn’t, because you didn’t want to show that you were upset? Why? Uhh I guess this morning lol. I was watching a compilation video of emotional segments in WWE but with my siblings in the same room, I didn’t wanna show that I was crying. Super trivial but yeah.

If you found out that someone had been talking about you behind your back, would you confront them? Depends what they’d been saying, but honestly probably not. I’d just bitch about it to my friends. < Pretty much. This is exactly what I did when I caught wind that Patrice was talking shit/spreading a rumor about me behind my back. OMG I’m so glad she’s out of my life

Which do you think is the worst - saying something and then wishing you hadn’t, or not saying something and wishing you had? The first one, because then the damage had been done.

Do you know anyone who seems almost incapable of showing their emotions? Uh not really? Everyone I know is expressive in some way.

What are 3 things that are guaranteed to make you smile, or put you in a good mood? Dogs, when I meet up with Gab and I see her, and pretty views.

Do you look more like your mum or your dad? Half of my face is my mom, and half of it is my dad. I never get the same answer when I ask my friends who I look more like.

When was the last time you saw your grandparents? I saw my paternal grandparents on the third weekend of February, as is tradition whenever my dad comes back home to the country. I don’t remember the last time I saw my grandma on my mom’s side but it was probably the start of the year? because my mom will sometimes drive by the house to check up on her.

Have you ever felt really attracted to someone, but been deterred because you found out they didn’t have a very nice personality? Yeah, like I went to high school with so many pretty people but most of them had a bit of an attitude and just liked to stick with their cliques. Typical high school behavior.

Have you ever hugged/kissed someone you’d only just met? Probably when I’ve gotten drunk and became friends with anyone I’d interact with lolol

Where is the person you would most like to see/be with? She is at home, in the upper part of the city.

When was the last time you bought a CD/DVD? Which one was it? 2013. It was either an Audrey Hepburn movie or a Beyoncé concert DVD.

Have you ever gone against someone’s advice and then regretted it? Probably? Angela will sometimes give me advice only for me to completely go against it hahahahahaha

Would you ever apologize for something that wasn’t your fault? Always. It’s what I picked up after years of my mom accusing me for every little thing...

What’s been the best thing about your day so far? It’s only 2:11 AM, but I’m loving the fact that I’m on a call with Gabie, I guess. We don’t really call a lot, not even during quarantine, so I’m feeling happy right now.

Has anyone ever cried in your arms before? Sure.

Who was the last person you talked to, whose name started with ‘C’? Is that person older or younger than you? Ugh I don’t even remember, Tina probably? Her full name is Christina. She’s a year older.

Do you keep a lot of things from your parents? Pretty much everything.

Who was the last person you confided in? Do you regret it? Gabie. I have no reason to regret it, she’s my girlfriend and best friend.

What was the last film you watched, that you hadn’t seen before? What kind of film was it? What did you think of it? I’ve repeated this answer so many times, but Knives Out. It was a whodunnit/mystery film, and I wouldn’t have watched it if Gab had not personally invited me to see it with her. I hated every second of it, though I’m glad not a lot of people were in the cinema then because it allowed me to pull out my phone and use Twitter without distracting anyone haha.

Have you ever had an argument with the last person you hugged/kissed? Lots.

Using one word only, describe the day you’ve had so far. Short (so far).

[purplesurveys]

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Have you ever turned down someone that you’ve liked? I haven’t been in this situation. I’ve had to turn down someone, but I didn’t like them.

When was the last time you were at a loss of what to do? Probably late May when I had *just* finished my thesis and everything felt overwhelming because it was literally the last thing I needed to do to conclude my time in college. Once my final draft got approved I felt pressured to do a lot of things in an instant – get a credit card, apply for social security and a TIN, upload my resumé in a bunch of websites because at that point that felt like the only way to go.

The last time you let someone go, was it to make yourself happy or them? Myself. I just did not blend well with my college blockmates no matter how hard I tried; and whenever I hung out with them I always had to be a little bit fake, and I hated having to do that every time. I found my true friends in my org so at some point I just stopped going out with my blockmates, but I honestly didn’t feel too bad about it because I was happy with my decision and I’m sure they didn’t mind me leaving our little group anyway. 

Who was the last person that could tell something was wrong with you? My mom. She gave me a verbal beatdown but was fine like ten minutes later, but I was no longer ok and was starting to tear up. I pretended to scratch my eyes but she could tell, and asked me “What’s wrong” as if she didn’t abuse me minutes before that. 

Anything bad happen today? I saw my uncle (who is Filipino, but grew up in the US) talking about his trip to Spain earlier this year and used the hashtags #LetsMoveOn #ColonialismSucks. That pissed me the fuck off because he’s a historian and founded an NGO essentially focused on preserving Filipino precolonial culture; and with those bullshit hashtags I just felt my head lose all its braincells at how hypocritical his words were. I don’t understand why he’d campaign for us to move on if he thinks colonialism sucks. I don’t know why he wants anyone to move on if I still have a Spanish surname, he has a Spanish surname, Filipinos still count their money in Spanish, and a big part of our cuisine is based on Spain’s, among other long-lasting effects. I don’t know where he got the audacity to tell his fellow Filipinos to move on if he never even grew up here and was always super sheltered and privileged in America, where he could very easily shield himself from the bullshit happening over here. It’s so dumb and I just rolled my eyes and moved past the stupid Facebook post.

Have you ever thought about online dating? If so, were you desperate? I’ve never considered it. As a demi, it sounds terrifying lol. But Gab and I each have downloaded Tinder on our phones at some point just to people-watch and see what it’s about.

Do you try not to take a lot of medicine or do you take it whenever? The only time I take it immediately is when I have headaches, because I hate them and wanna get rid of them ASAP. Otherwise, I’m not very dependent on medicine.

Are you ever scared of people reading your survey answers? No. I never intended my surveys to have an audience and at the end of the day they primarily serve as my journal and a place where I can vent. The people on here who’ve been nothing but super nice and non-judgey are just a great bonus and make me feel less alone on here.

Do you like cuddling with someone you like? Only if I’m already in a relationship with them. I don’t just give away cuddles lol.

What did you do last night? Hahaha welp I was in a Mood to take surveys last night so I took five, which is more than usual for me. I also watched a couple episodes of Good Mythical Morning and before I went to bed I had an Oreo Cadbury bar.

How frequently do you get fed up of doing a survey and give up before you’ve finished it? It was much more frequent before when I was busy with school stuff, but now I’m able to finish surveys. I don’t like getting my drafts all clogged, so.

Who did you last ride in a car with besides family? Gab, and I drove her home after picking her up from school.

Did you ever join a gym to look hot and get back at an ex bf/gf? I’ve never joined a gym but I have definitely done that thing where you go great lengths to look good so that an ex would feel like shit. Idk, I was 17 and thought going the petty route seemed fun. I had and still have no regrets doing it because it wasn’t my loss anyway lol.

Would you ever go back to your most recent ex? I did.

Has an adult ever allowed you to smoke a cigarette? I mean, my friends are technically adults and most of them don’t mind me smoking...

Run your tongue over your teeth. What do they feel like? Like...teeth? All that happened is that I felt self-conscious because I felt my protruding front tooth lmao so thanks for that.

Does crying mean that you’re weak or you’re just expressing grief? It means you’re expressing emotions, one of which can be grief. < There you go. Also I really hope this question isn’t implying that being weak = bad. It’s healthy to accept and acknowledge that you’ll get weak sometimes.

Wait, I forgot to ask! How are you feeling today? I’m fine but boy is it fucking hot.