#honestly lemme go to bed and I’ll probably think of better problems to post about

[megagrind]

Maybe...I should not measure my passion by how much time I spend on my hobbies

[leahseclipse]

The Reichenbach Fall: Aftermath - Chapter One: Happy Death Anniversary, Detective.

Series Masterlist

Pairing: Sherlock Holmes x GN!Reader (With some Fem mentions)

Warnings: S2 FINALE SHERLOCK SPOILERS, Major character death; death topic, mourning, suicide mentions, depression mentions... (lemme know if I missed stuff.)

Summary: Two years after the death of Sherlock, what could be next?

Word Count: 4.0K

A/N: Hey there! I've finally found the motivation to post my Sherlock fic here. If you prefer AO3, click here :)

++

Sherlock used to call at midnight, he never cared whether you were trying to sleep, or if you were actually sleeping- he’d just call.

Sometimes to complain that technology was futile given the multitude of defaults it contained (his phone, for example)- or to talk about an article in a newspaper, thinking we’d be interested in it.

It’s been two years since the last call. No one could bring themselves to delete his number since; and I understand the reason for it. We all had some hope inside us, it was small given all the time that went by, but it was there.

We all wondered if he wasn’t alive. Movies aren’t real, so the whole fake-death scenario couldn’t have been real but we all thought “why not?”, it could happen. That was over a year ago, but I still believed it, I wasn’t quite planning on giving up; and when my phone rang a bit after midnight, I still had a glimpse of hope, each time.

That glimpse was cut short when I read the caller ID. It was John. I did like him, he just wasn’t who I expected to see, but I picked up the phone, just to not be rude. Voicemail is awful. “John? What’s going on?”

"I...I don’t really know, actually. Guess I...needed to feel less alone. I don’t even know."

“Hold on.” I glanced at my bedside as I put the phone on speaker before sitting on the bed. "...so, you couldn’t sleep?"

"Yeah, I’ve been trying for an hour, certainly because of..." He stopped, hesitating with his words.

Who else other than Sherlock would it be, honestly. The man’s always been in our thoughts, and now that he’s gone, we have to be reminded that he’s stuck in our minds. The only way to hear him is through memories, and probably some of us are afraid to forget what he sounds like through time. He wasn’t the guy to make documentaries on him, film himself- hell, he rejected every interview he was offered. The only thing we have is pictures, which isn’t enough.

"It’s him, isn't it?" I presumed.

"Yeah, Sherlock." He confirmed. “It’s the anniversary of his death, in two weeks.”

See, that was the kind of thing I didn’t want to recall as it made me think of what I didn’t want to accept, but at the same time, if I stopped thinking about that, might as well forget Sherlock completely.

"It kept me awake too." I admitted.”I can’t believe it.”

No one really does, to be honest. We all wish that it could be fake, that’s what we would need, even if it’d hurt to see him while we mourned all this time.

"It still feels a bit weird without him, even after basically two years."

“It didn’t seem right without him, at first."

"It took us a bit to get used to it, and still...I think I didn’t get used to it fully to this day."

"Neither am I, John. I don't think I ever will. Time will make the pain less...painful, but it’ll never erase him, he'll be in our thoughts from the moment we wake up."

"I wish it was all a dream. I hate to wake up and not see him. He annoyed me sometimes but...he was my friend."

"He was annoying but a good friend, yeah.” I said, “It’s just...not right. Nothing is right. I feel like everything has gone cold. I swear that I haven't seen a single ray of sunshine."

"It's probably time fooling around, I don't know." He said.

"It could but, when he was there, there would be some sunny-ish days. I haven't seen one since. He left, and it's like he took the sun with him, John. The whole world is falling apart.”

"I felt that too, for a moment. But, I don't really trust whatever I think about these days. I don't pay much attention to whatever I do."

"You should be careful though, I don't need you to die because you didn't pay attention out there. And before you say anything, there's no joke in there. I mean it, Watson.”

"I wasn't going to say that, trust me."

"You better. I need you there."

"Same goes for me. You've been of great help since…"

"Yeah. Since." I paused. "It sucks."

"It does.” He agreed. “Well I...I’m gonna go back to sleep, I don’t want to bother you all night.”

“You didn’t bother me, don’t worry. It helped to talk. I could even stay a bit more, if you’re not planning on going back now.”

“Alright, then.”

++

It’s like the weather watched me plan the day, rain is on time. It couldn’t be more depressing on top of me dressed in black, but I just didn’t feel like coming in rainbow clothes would be appropriate, even if he wouldn’t care how I dressed anyway, even if he’s dead, yeah.

It feels weird to go, I always expected this was all a dream, or that it’d just...never happen. He’s the kind of person that outlives everyone, and Sherlock was this kind of person, he’s always been that person. He even used to say he’ll always be there, that he’d never leave, and now I guess we’ve both made mistakes, he’s not here anymore.

I never thought that would happen, I can’t tell how bad I prayed to whatever god to wake up, but that did nothing but make me a fool, nothing changed.

His apartment remained empty, as ours, he’d consider each house he could sleep at, his. I remember that he stayed at John’s for a week, before having to go back as John was “not entertaining” enough because he slept too much- As if we got to sleep all day.

He used to think everyone was like him, barely sleeping, barely tired, because I don’t think I’ve had the opportunity of seeing him elsewhere other than a room full of piles of papers.

He did sleep, but not at night, it was kind of like a cat, throughout the day, when possible. I always laughed about it along with John, and he never minded, he’d either pretend to not care, or join the conversation, and I already miss this kind of talks.

They’d either be incredibly short, or extremely long, you really had to clear your schedule for an hour or two when he’d talk. It’s not that it bothered me, it was more the others, those who didn’t know him. They’ve always found an amount of weirdness in him, which I had when I was like them, a stranger.

I never thought we’d get close, I didn’t even think anyone was close with him, he seemed quite the lonely guy, very private. Even after getting to know him, he remained quite private, as I thought, he wouldn’t share much, even with John and Mycroft; but, it didn’t matter that much, we still managed to have a great friendship, and I’ll always miss it.

Not any person will be like him, he was one of a kind. Not anyone could copy him without being seen as a fool. Sherlock Holmes was unique, he didn’t copy anyone to rise up, didn’t take anyone as a model, he did it all himself, he was a model himself.

He didn’t wish to be like anyone, it was the contrary, everyone wanted to be at his level, have the recognition he had, the fame, all the things that made him known, that made Sherlock be him. Even I won’t find a mentor like him, not any of them will be better, they’ll all seem ridiculous to me, even if they have more experience than him.

Nothing will be the same. This world won’t be the same without him being here, he’s gone now.

He took a big piece of whatever thing, when he left, and whatever thing he took was a big one, because it left us all empty. The kind of empty feeling that won’t quite go away, we’ve all been so used to having him around so much that it was a habit.

And now that he’s gone, nothing feels right, even living doesn’t feel right. It won’t ever feel right without him.

I almost feel guilty for being alive, I’m not as smart as him, I won’t contribute to anything. He was the smart one, we really lost an important person and I don’t think it wouldn’t have changed much if I had died instead, people would just be sad, I think.

It wouldn’t be that bad.

His death is bad to the point that the world he left behind can’t function as well as when he was alive. The whole puzzle is missing, hell, the whole world, if I go out of the metaphor.

...Sherlock would have been the corners of it, the foundations of it, what made it whole, what gave a start to get the rest of the puzzle.

He would have corrected me with hundreds of better metaphors if he could hear me, I really suck at this. He never did, though.

In fact, most of his talking contained metaphors, it was his signature, his day couldn’t feel right if he wouldn’t tell at least one.Now the whole ‘no day without a metaphor is a bad day’ is falling on us, and nothing or no one will make that feeling go away.

It’s strange, and funny that he managed to create all of those special feelings, memories, that we only felt with him. Sherlock’s had quite the special part in our lives. He changed our lives in such a spectacular way, and to be honest, life felt less depressing, even if our job is full of dead people and mysteries that make our sleep schedule non-existent, quite rare.

He made us forget all of that shit, whenever he could. That’s why I looked up to him, and thought about him so much. Whenever I had a problem, I’d call him first. Of course, I did call John, and Mycroft, but Sherlock was like my emergency contact, he’d always pick up, if possible.

Somehow, he always knew the answers to everything, and when he was clueless (which only happened twice, in five years)- he'd attempt to find something close to it, and even if his explanations didn’t solve anything, I didn’t care.

It probably made him sort of happy to explain it, share his big knowledge, so as long as he enjoyed himself, that was enough. I did hope he did enjoy himself, I never thought about asking and now that I think about it, I probably should have, it’s too late now.

If he can hear me, a sign would be great, probably. A good thing if he enjoyed talking, and a bad one if I annoyed him? It’d be nice to know even if he probably won’t answer, he must still be working; I know it.

He would be bored if he didn’t have his face in newspapers and whatever case. I always said Sherlock not to overwork, but he never listened. I hope he’s not doing it right now, that man was a total workaholic, right to his last breath, he never stopped.

I just hope he’s okay, wherever he is.

He deserves peace, enough things happened to him, he almost died a couple times, almost lost us if we hadn’t survived all of the wounds and things that happened, almost lost himself because of depression- all of these could have killed him.

He would have stayed alive, but he would have died inside, I just know it even if he didn’t show it much. But he did feel, he did have feelings.

I know he liked us a lot, even though he didn’t show it much; he did enjoy living even with all of the problems he had so, let’s hope he’s not in pain, stressing, suffering, whatever feeling that makes him feel bad.

You can take it easy now, we’re taking care of what you couldn’t finish for you, we’re taking care of the legacy you couldn’t pursue for you, we’ve got your back, Holmes. John, Mycroft, myself, and whatever person you know will tell you everything that happens so you don’t miss anything. You’ll be able to debate about the events, you won’t miss a single thing of what’s happening.

Even if I have my pride, and don’t want to admit I’m depressed about you being dead, I’ll tell you everything, I know you’d be here to tell me how to deal with the death of a person, the whole five stages of grief. You said them to me so much that I always have them in my head.

Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression and Acceptance.

I’d say that I’m at the last phase, but a lot of anger comes in it. I still wish it had been me, sometimes. It’s not fair it happened to Sherlock. I just hope he’s not too mad. If it had been someone else, he’d probably try to talk some sense into me, get me to tell more logical things.

If ghosts were real, I know he’d tell me to stop putting the blame on myself, even if I don’t even know why I blame myself, we don’t even know what caused him to jump from a damn building. And even if someone explains it, we won’t know if it’s real no matter how much they’ll prove it’s the truth.

The only person that can tell us that is gone.

So, unless we don’t find...a diary, or a note, proving it all, we won’t know.

The last thing we’ve heard from him was an apology, the ‘note’ he left behind was the call John received, which means the presumed note I mentioned doesn’t exist, only the call does.

After leaving his note, he fell from the roof and he died on impact, his pulse was long gone when he reached the floor, and it didn’t come back. I didn’t believe all of it happened, even when I heard John telling it, none of it seemed true...until I saw the death certificate.

The whole world stopped, and it still is frozen now. I wish the grave I’m standing in front of wasn’t real, I wish that my eyes were betraying me.

If only.

“Turns out you lied, Sherlock. You left.”

I hate you for what you did.

“You could have explained all of this a bit more. Even if I would have preferred not to, I would have prevented you from dying if you gave me a note...before.”

I wish I had known, I should have known. He didn’t have to die, he wasn’t supposed to die, certainly not like that.

Not now, that wasn’t his time. He was supposed to die of old age because of natural reasons, after all of us. Outlive us all.

Damn Sherlock Holmes wasn’t supposed to die at 35 years old. It's too young, too soon, Too much to bear.

“What am I supposed to do now, I mean- what are we all supposed to do? None of us can replace you, we’ll take twice the amount of time you barely took to resolve cases on our own, you left us in a really bad situation, you know that? It’s not going to be the same if you’re not here with us.”

And I miss you like a little kid.

“You could have made us take classes to become a close version of you, at least. I’m saying ‘close’ because no one will ever be like you. Not even that detective that had 30 years of experience, he wasn’t even close, really. I’d say he looked like a newbie, next to you.”

I even started to lose the habit of calling him when he’s not directly on the field and I hate this. I’ve only known him for a couple of years, and yet, he’s going to be ironed in my mind for a lifetime.

That man, I swear.

He didn’t think that sticking so close to us, getting to know us, sharing things about him would affect us so badly now that he’s gone. Real gone.

It hurts to say that, I wish I could just pretend he wasn’t gone, but that’s not really...healthy? It’s not really healthy in the way that if I pretend he’s still there- while he’s six feet under ground would drive me crazy, it’d completely destroy the whole ‘acceptance phase’ I’ve been working on. He’s dead, and there’s nothing we can do to bring him back.

That’s what my brain has to acknowledge, pretending he’s alive wouldn’t do any good.

Sometimes life gets to an end, and we have to accept that. I know that Sherlock, his brother and even John wouldn’t want to see me like this- ignoring reality, building a fake world to protect me from the real one.

Hurting sucks. Getting reminded that I won’t be seeing him anymore sucks, but everything sucks in life, and that’s what happens when you live. You can’t have a perfect happy life with all the shitty problems, that doesn’t exist.

But even if this sucks, I also get to remember all of the great things Sherlock has accomplished, the hundreds of memories we’ve made all together, whatever makes me happy- but there’s still a lot of hurt to go through before being able to think about them without crying because I miss them.

I wish that could be happening right now, I must have filled an entire bottle of water with all my tears. It’s even worse when that happens at 2am after you wake up from a dream about them.

Speaking of dreams, I don’t think I’ve ever had so many dreams with him compared to when he was alive. It’s as if he's haunting me, and even if I like him, I’d wish he wouldn’t do that so often, a little peace and quiet would be nice, even if I don’t want that to stop.

I’m afraid I’ll forget Sherlock if I stop thinking about him, block the memories to prevent me from the hurt that comes with it. I don’t want that to happen, he doesn’t deserve to have his legacy ignored because of my stupid feelings that hurt, he deserves to have his legacy remembered, discussed about, shared, not to have it trapped in newspapers, or in a corner of my head.

I like to imagine him being proud when I do that, even if I wouldn’t have known he was. He wasn’t the expressive kind, but he liked to show he was proud of you through a facial expression, a word, whatever could be ‘decrypted’. He wasn’t as cold as people saw him, he was extremely kind, even if he was broken in millions of pieces inside.

But yet, he overcame everything and came back even stronger. Every single time. He was amazing in so many ways, and that’s why I wish I could be like him.

So much.

I sighed, adjusting the grip I had on my umbrella, as I squatted down in front of his grave. “Did you know we went through your closet yesterday? There’s really not a lot, your clothes are so...similar. We can easily buy the same to be ‘like you’. But I don’t want to touch them, they’re kind of like precious pieces you can find in a museum.”

I hope he doesn’t think I’m crazy because of that.

“And...yeah, we went through your place because we can’t bring ourselves to sell it, I don’t want someone else to live in there and ruin it with their own belongings. But at the same time, living in it would be weird, I don’t know. I can’t find an explanation, just that it’s weird, living in the apartment of a dead person. Kinda creepy.” I explained, looking up from my umbrella as I realized the rain had gone down, letting a few rays of a ‘somehow’ sun. “Look, the sun listened to me. It’s coming up so I can give my emotional speech full of hope.” I sighed. “I don’t...I don’t even know what to say anymore. Kind of ironic as I always have something to say.”

I actually kind of know, but I don’t want to say it.

He’s gone. No miracle will bring him back, but I’ve kept hearing John saying it, I heard him last time we came; and even though I can’t bring myself to say that, I want to so badly. That’s all I’ve been wanting to happen since you died, I don’t want anything else and I don’t care about love anymore even if you always wanted me to be happy.

You’re what made me happy, you were the definition of love. Maybe what I’ve been feeling was that but I never brought myself to admit it.

I have loved you since the first day, but you always said that whoever fell in love with you should find better as you considered yourself a forever loner, unable to feel and give love, but I know you were capable of it, if you had tried, I believed you could have done it.

“Look at me, in front of your grave, exposing the feelings I’ll never have the answer to, I don’t even know if you liked me back. You really took all your secrets to your grave, huh? What a selfish prick, you could’ve shared that, at least.” I complained.

I don’t think I’ve ever known someone that hid so much stuff, he really was a whole mystery to himself, that man.

We can’t even solve what caused you to commit suicide, we’ll probably never solve it. You were the only one that knew why, and yet he can’t just pull a miracle and live again for a few minutes as a zombie to explain. That would be of great help, even if I’d prefer he’d live again.

That’d be an awesome miracle, even better than what happens at Christmas.

“Can you do that for me, though?”

Just that, I won’t ask for anything else.

“Just one more miracle, Sherlock, for us.” I said, putting my hand on the polished surface. “...don't be dead.”

It’s too easy, you can’t be dead, Nothing can kill you. I know John, and a shit ton of people saw you fall, but...let me believe all of that isn’t true.

Just a fake accident, Do that for us. Please. We need you more than you can ever imagine, you were so important to us, you were family.

A reason to fight for, to live for.

“Don’t be, please.” I pleaded, as I got up from the ground. “I uh...I’ll be back whenever I can, okay? Work’s been crazy since you’re gone, it’s incredible. I don’t know if it’s because we don’t have your help, or because it’s always been like that.”

Probably a mix of the two, I don’t really know, it’s been complicated to think properly these days. Sherlock would be the one to help with that, usually.

“I’ll have to ask someone else, I guess.”

I still haven’t found this ‘someone else’, by the way, It’s been two years, I know. But I still haven’t found someone that can help me the way he used to.

He still remains unique after all this time.

“I’ll be on my way, then. You’re awfully quiet today, guess you’re not in the mood, so I’ll go.”

I wish I still didn’t have to say goodbye, but this is the only thing I can say when I leave.

The weather had even gotten better, as if it only rained to have a full dramatic effect, there was only wind, which didn’t seem to announce a storm, for now. The sound of the leaves being crushed by my feet as I walked was to be heard, as no other sounds were around, it was very quiet today.

The silence did feel weird, I never liked it.

Not when it caused me to think of…

“Got time to spare for me?”

...him.

“Sherlock.”

++

|Chapter Two|

[odogaronfang]

Could you share some of your headcanons for shadow?

!yes! i can! all these shadow asks, yall are killing me, letting me talk about my trash boy so much, you need to stop, (keep doing it)

i’ll shove this under a readmore because it ended at a whopping 1700 words, you guys are really indulging me

-shadow smiles a lot. don’t mistake it for happiness, or friendliness, or really anything benevolent. at least not at first. the dark world is very different in their customs and etiquettes, models them more so after… not animals, but natural instinct, as it were. so smiling, where shadow comes from, makes a statement: i’m stronger than you, i am in a place to taunt you without fearing for myself, i am challenging you to challenge me. things of that nature. shadow knows that with his magic he is far more powerful than the majority of hylians, save for zelda and perhaps the links. so in a post-manga situation where he has his magic still, he is CONSTANTLY grinning at people. he knows he has the upper hand, always. he has to be watched carefully, in the event that someone irritates him. on the flip side, though, if it’s a post-manga situation in which he’s without his magic, for whatever reason- too weak to use it, no source in Hyrule, lost the ability when he was revived- he’s very solemn. magic was his entire fighting style, in the dark world and hyrule; if he doesn’t have that, he knows he’s in no place to go around offering challenges. the way he sees it he may as well tape a ‘KILL ME’ sign to his forehead.

-expanding on this: he feels very intimidated in hyrule at first, especially if he’s been reincarnated without his powers. he doesn’t understand the customs of hylians, doesn’t know just how different they are from the dark world’s. so imagine walking outside, and everyone’s threatening you. everywhere you look there’s someone inviting you to die. that’s what he sees, before he knows the connotation hylians have assigned smiling; everyone’s threatening him, and everyone’s MOCKING him. and he hates to be mocked, as we all know.

-shadow can dish it but he can’t take it. it’s just a simple truth. physically, of course, is one thing- he can take a beating just fine. it’s a survival skill, in the dark world. trading insults is very, very different. he’ll go around on his perceived authority taunting people, joking at their expense (and meaning every harsh word of it), but hylia forbid anyone do it back. this is where he and vio run into a LOT of conflict. vio is very sassy. shadow wants to remark on him, or the other links, or zelda? vio’s got one ready for him, and he refuses to take any shit. so of course shadow gets pissy, and would very much love to fight, except that if he wants to stay alive and in hyrule he’s going to have to learn that that behavior isn’t acceptable. (to some people’s surprise, red is also very good at keeping shadow in line, but the difference between vio and red is that shadow knows that if he gives red so much as a paper cut the entire continent of hyrule will call for his banishment immediately. red exploits that.)

-he’s very dramatic. that comes as a surprise to no one, i’m sure. but christ, can that kid put on an act. like, his gestures, his speech, his reactions, even the way he fights- it’s with a flourish, always, and very exaggerated. at first it’s extremely irritating; later, when he’s settled down a bit (a lot) more and really started to fit with the group, it’s very funny. watching him deal with enemies, or perhaps not enemies but hostile foreigners, is like watching a soap opera. if they need deceit, depending on the situation they choose from red, vio, or him- whatever’s most called for. it’s red if they need gentle (or guilt-trippy) persuasion, vio if they’re looking for very rational and levelheaded (and sometimes under-the-table) negotiations, and it’s shadow if they want a charade and a lot of blatant lies. he’s very good at convincing people of even the most ridiculous fabrications. he can act earnest and open with alarming sincerity.

-again, unsurprisingly, shadow is a trickster. april fools’ day is his favorite holiday. it’s his favorite thing ever, because it’s a socially acceptable day of being as awful as he’s legally allowed to be. and he can set up some really elaborate stuff. think rube-goldberg machines where every single step is a prank on someone. sometimes even the same person each time. his acting skills help a lot in pulling it off- the only problem is that no one trusts him one hundred percent. but he gets away with too much by blaming it on someone they won’t get as mad at.

-he can read people very well. body language is extremely important to understand in the dark world. he reads the room, he just doesn’t care. he’ll start things on purpose just to watch the fallout.

-in a situation where he’s allied with them during a time of war, he’s a reluctant shoe-in for tactical positions. him and vio, because vio has the practical knowledge and shadow has all sorts of BRUTAL applications. he kind of has to scale it back so he isn’t convicted of any war crimes (stupid idea, if you ask shadow, it’s WAR). but he can come up with some MEAN stuff. traps, fortifications, offensive strategies, especially TRAPS, he’s got a mental list a hundred miles long, and that’s probably just the stuff he’s used already.

-he makes for an excellent spy, for reasons mentioned above and because he’s very well-known, for better or for worse. you’re probably thinking, why would you want a spy that’s well known? two answers, one hinging upon the kind of au: first, if he still has his magic, he can just shapeshift. animorph into another person, and another, and another, so he just seems like a drifter. and even if he doesn’t have that, if nothing else, he can always fall back on his reputation: his origin was as a commander in the war against Hyrule. “hey,” he can say, “all this ‘playing nice’ shit is boring, lemme in so i can bomb something.” 99% of the time, boom, he’s in. that other 1%? he’ll just wreak havoc on the encampment and leave. it’s a win-win. espionage is his middle name and also his favorite word.

-pyrotechnics. like, say that one word and he’ll come running. or teleporting. it depends. it is another of his capital-favorite FAVORITE things. why else do you think he took up residence in the fire temple, of all places? he can list off every known natural way to bring about a fire or, better, an explosion, and he’s very talented at rigging bombs from very little. it’s a little unnerving, watching him working at an explosive. he’s positively gleeful.

-ranged weapons are nice and all, but he prefers the melee ones, the up-close-and-personal nasty little pieces of work. like, serrated daggers, scythes, bludgeons, maces, even a flail of some kind, anything that’s really gonna make a mess. he has a lot of fun with axes; battleaxes, poleaxes and halberds, that sort of thing. he likes to customize.

-dumb impulsive idiot that he is, he rarely ever wears armor or even uses a shield. with magic there’s little need for it, but even without it he really doesn’t care. “can’t hurt me if i kill them,” he says, and charges with reckless abandon, and almost always gets at least one (1) stab wound as a result. he has a high pain threshold and often doesn’t realize until afterwards, when he’s lightheaded and his tunic’s stuck to his side with dried blood. everyone scolds him mercilessly. he keeps doing it anyway.

-because of poor circulation and also just because he’s made differently, shadow is always cold to the touch. like, have him hold your lukewarm drink for a few minutes, by the time you come back for it it’ll be chilled, and probably also full of salt or something. please don’t trust shadow with anything you plan to ingest.

-on that note, don’t let shadow into any kitchen unless you’re trying to destroy it. like, no jokes, they once sent shadow to infiltrate and break down an encampment by posing as a chef. he came back two hours later grinning and covered in ash.

-funny enough, in stark contrast to the personality he puts out to everyone, he’s very clingy, in that he’s got some serious abandonment issues. he’s a stranger in a strange land where most if not all people despise him, he doesn’t understand their customs, he doesn’t know anyone, and he was left behind countless times where he came from. once he really gets comfortable with the links they become his anchor, almost; he can’t stand the thought of being ditched again, so he sticks VERY closely with them.

-he will eat ANYTHING. anything. he doesn’t care. at all. everyone’s sure his taste buds are dead.

-that isn’t true. his favorite things are spicy. like, fatally spicy, the stuff that’d probably kill just about anyone else. he challenges the wing chef to make the spiciest wings possible. the chef brings him a plate of raw ghost peppers. he eats them all and asks for more. the chef cries. it’s terrifying.

-because of how common underhanded tactics are in the dark world, its residents have developed to a large degree a resistance to poison. shadow is no exception; there are very few toxins that would actually be able to do more than put him in bed for a few hours. so he’s used as the poison-tester in pretty much every event under scrutiny. he’ll know if the poison’s there- he can taste it, he just won’t feel any of its effects; the worst he’s gotten was a stomachache, and that was from something that can kill ten full-grown men with a drop. and if he tastes it, honestly, he won’t even say anything. he’ll just laugh, watching the smug little face of whoever did it. because he knows. he can tell.

-he’s a morbid little fuck and usually ends up laughing in the face of death, like when he’s seriously injured. really, when it boils down to it, everyone is simultaneously worried for him and terrified of him.

[pacman-tattoo]

finally [michael m. x canigula!reader]

( I just had the most embarrassing experience... So I thought it would be perfect if I requested it as a Michael x reader. So the reader has a crush on Michael and gives him hints. When they are alone. The reader tries to kisses his cheek and does it wrong and is completely embarrassed. Michael then tries to help her by kissing her on the lips. So just make it awkward at the failed kissing the cheek part and then super fluffy at the end. Sorry I just... I need to relive this in my musical world... )

(honestly still big mood like i feel u nonny)

also combined with:

( Oooooo what abt Christine and Reader are siblings and Christine tries to set up Michael and reader??? O: )

also whats this?? tris actually posts a thing??? it’s more likely than u think

warnings: none except its not the best but its not the worst thing i’ve ever written

      Christine wasn’t one to meddle in your business - especially when said business was your love life. It wasn’t her place to sit around and talk about cute people that she could secretly set you up with or anything of the sort. But when it became devastatingly obvious neither you or a certain headphones-wearing boy weren’t going to make the first move despite the obvious feelings that were fluttering between you, she decided to take matters into her own hands only slightly.

      And by slightly, she meant she was going to push you two together the best she could and pray that maybe one of you would actually realize there’s something there.

      So when the opportunity arose of you needing someone to tutor you in math, Christine told you she had just the person since she was too busy with rehearsal for the school’s musical. You were glad - you really needed a tutor and you really did trust Christine if she had someone immediately come to mind. After all, she had plenty of friends there would definitely be a couple who were good at precalculus-

      And Michael Mell was standing at your front door. When Christine said she had a friend, you didn’t expect it to be Michael of all people.

      He smiled at you and you swore you felt your cheeks become warm - he’s so cute, this isn’t fair. “Hey, [y/n]! Christine said you needed help with precal?”

      You nodded slowly, before mutely stepping out of the doorway for him to come in. He brushed past you as he did and you swore your heart skipped a beat. You shut the door before turning to Michael,  “I just... it’s kind of dumb and I don’t wanna fail the next test but I just... can’t wrap my head around any of this.”

     “No problem,” Michael said, sliding his backpack off of his shoulder, “Jeremy’s terrible at math, so I’m kinda used to tutoring him.”

      You smiled a little. “We can work in the dining room,” you said, motioning to the open doorway, “just lemme grab my notes ‘n stuff.”

      He didn’t have a chance to respond because you were upstairs and texting Christine the moment you were sure you were out of sight.

      [y/n]: when u said u had a tutor for me

      [y/n]: i didnt know u meant michael 

      christine: ? 

      [y/n]: omg christine please

      [y/n]: CHRISTINE PLEAS E

      christine: Can’t talk, at play rehearsal

      [y/n]: gdi

      You frowned as you swung into your room, grabbing your bag from the floor and tossing it onto your bed. You unzipped your bag quickly, searching for the blue binder that held all of your precal notes and worksheets - some of which you might have left undone - before returning downstairs to where Michael was now sitting, back facing you. Alright. You would be fine. It’s just Michael. Just Michael. Michael who you’ve had a crush on since freshman year and Michael who would smile at you in the hallway and told you that you looked cute and probably wasn’t even into you because he probably liked someone else who wasn’t awkward or-

      You pressed your lips together. Precal. Math. Grades. Right.

      Michael came by the next day. And the day after that. And the day after that - partially because you were caught up in the fact that he’d chew at the end of his pen when he was concentrating sometimes and you’d kind of start staring at his lips because wow he has pretty lips and he’s just really pretty, is that weird? Are boys allowed to be pretty - what kind of a question even is that? Definitely. Michael was fucking gorgeous. 

      And then he’d ask you a question. And you had to look down at the paper and admit you didn’t know or just kind of acknowledge that he asked something and one time he asked if you understood everything and you only said sure before he smiled and packed up his stuff and left and you didn’t know shit. So Christine would come into your room and ask how studying with Michael went with this little tone of voice as if maybe you two had been up to something else instead of studying - which, was silly because that’d never happen because Michael’s not into you - and then she saw you were stressed and confused over math. Fuck math. Math is terrible sometimes.

      So then the doorbell rang and you’d be there and you knew it was Michael because he had this habit of knocking anyway, steady in a one-two beat. He’d walk in, you’d offer him something - a snack, maybe a can of whatever soda you had tucked away in some corner of the fridge - and then the two of you would sit and work on math until one or both of you got tired. It was usually laid-back and the two of you would crack jokes and sometimes his hand would brush against your own and it was small but it still grabbed your attention. 

      Then you had a precal test on Wednesday. Your nerves were bundled and you shoved your feelings aside the next time you saw Michael. You tried to ignore the little glances he kept giving you, until finally his hand was on yours. You looked away from your notes, meeting his eyes for the first time that evening.

     “You alright?”

      You nodded. “Just... nervous. About the test.”

     “Don’t be. You’re smart,” he smiled a little.

     “I just... I don’t want to fail. Not after all this studying.”

     “You won’t.”

      You frowned, before speaking again, “I just... I dunno. I don’t wanna disappoint anybody.”

      Michael didn’t speak at first, only staring at you. He ran his thumb over the back of your hand, “well... you’d try, right?” You nodded slowly. “So... you wouldn’t disappoint me.” He quickly followed up his statement, “-or Christine, or Jeremy or anyone. We’d be proud.”

      You smiled at him. “Thanks, Michael. You’re sweet.”

      Your test went about as well as you’d expect it. You finished and immediately regretting it and already started to make up plans for how you’d live your life after becoming a failure. The usual with tests, even if you knew everything on it because that felt too easy? It couldn’t have been that easy, right?

      But you saw Michael in the hallway and he broke away from Jeremy and Christine to greet you.

      “How’d you do?”

      You shrugged. “I don’t wanna jinx it.”

      He smiled. “Alright. Hey, uh,” he glanced back to Christine and Jeremy, “you wanna grab lunch with us? Take your mind off the test.”

      You nodded. What a sweetheart.

      Wait.

      A sweet friend.

      That’s what you meant.

      Totally.

      Michael is your friend because Michael doesn’t have feelings for you even though you would definitely be fine if he had feelings for you but he doesn’t because he’s Michael.

      No matter what Christine implies.

      “Did you enjoy lunch with Michael?”

      You looked over to Christine, who had her eyes pinned to the road, and a smile peeking through the little mask she put on whenever she talked about Michael. “You say that like you and Jeremy weren’t there.”

      “We-ll...” She drew out the word.

      “Christine.”

      “You two talked a lot.”

      “Christine.”

      “I mean, Jeremy and I kiinda sat there.”

      “Michael doesn’t like me like that.”

      Christine only smiled. “Everyone’s coming over for movie night on Friday.”

      You looked out at the passing houses, leaning against the door. “Your turn?”

      “Yeah.”

      “Alright. I’ll lock myself in my room or something.”

      “You could join us, if you want,” she said, drumming her fingers against the steering wheel, ��no one would mind.”

      “They’re your friends,” you shrugged.

      “Michael’s your friend. And Jeremy.”

      You only shrugged again. “Maybe.”

      The sound of a paper being slapped onto your desk brought you out of a daydream you managed to escape to. You looked up, your teacher already desks away as you looked down to the sheet, slowly turning it over.

      An eighty-seven. You made an eighty-seven, holy fuck that was better than what you expected. You’d thank Michael. You had to thank him, especially considering he was sweet and reminded you that you did your best.

      So when you saw him after school, you took off running toward him, calling out his name as you approached him. You threw your arms around him, not giving him a chance to process what was happening as you roughly pressed your lips again his cheek - a little too hard and a little too fast and -fuck he probably hated you but you brushed it off as you bounced back.

      “Eighty-seven!” You cheered, grinning from ear to ear. he stared at you, before smiling and realizing just what you’d been talking about before he pulled you back into his arms.

      “Dude! That’s amazing!”

      You drew away after a few moments. “Sorry.” He stared at you. “The uh... cheek. Sorry, that probably hurt you or something, fuck, I just- I’m not really good at kissing boys - or people in general or-”

      He was laughing. It was small and short and soft but it was still a laugh

      “I’d like to see you do better, Michael,” you frowned, looking away.

      He chuckled this time. “I... could help you.”

      You looked up and you were positive your face was burning. “What?”

      His lips were quick and soft against your own, and before you knew it he was already steps away and apologizing because wow he kinda had been wanting to do that for a while-

      “It’s fine,” you said softly, “I... kinda wanted that, honestly-" You decided to go for it. Now or never. “I’ve... kinda liked you for a while.”

      “Really?” he said, voice breaking a little as he smiled, “I, uh... think you’re cute.”

      You only smiled in return, unsure of what to say other than

      "Finally. Thought you two would never admit it to each other.”

      “Jeremy? You knew?” Michael said, as his friend approached.

      “It was pretty obvious.”

      “What?”

      “... We all kind of knew?”

      “Oh my god.”

[jessemccowbae]

EVERYONE AT OVERWATCH IS HOT. A THESIS.

ALRIGHT KIDDOS SADDLE THE FUCK UP.

We have now officially reached the drunk enough to say shit you ort notta said part of the evening. And we have so many new people showing up, and said to myself, damn self, there are so many pretty people showing up tonight. And then I realized why: it is because LITERALLY EVERYBODY HERE IS ATTRACTIVE

I am not making this up. When objectively removing existing friendships and awkwardness and social niceties and power imbalances and general Reasons It Is A Bad Idea, I would most definitely bang everybody in this building.

So naturally before making suhc a statement I needed to double check the entire roster. And make sure I wasn't leaving somebody out or making someone feel bad. Or anything like that, because even if I didn't want to bang you all I still almost entirely like y'all and don't want to cause no hurt feelings. We're still a family and I still love you okay? But I went down the whole list and. I was right. Literally. Everybody. At Overwatch. Is like 100% bangable. Some over 100%.

For the purposes of this I am leaving Bastion and Orisa off the list. Because Orisa is a youngun and probably doesn't have a grasp on such things yet and Bastion seems to be like... three? Four maybe? Mentally? I mean given that we just had to explain porn I think there maybe issues with the concept of sex, much less consent. But it's definitely not just an omnic thing, as you will see.

So look. We're gonna go straight down the fuckin list and I will Mathematically Prove This To All Of You.

ANA. Alright, this is one of those where like I normally outside of this experiment wouldn't think about it mostly because Fareeha would murder me. But for the sake of makin' the point I will. The Captain was a fuckin' fox in her day and hasn't lost most of it. It's like 80% attitude, she could kill pretty much everyone I have ever met, but even if you base it just on looks she's got it nailed, alright? 10/10 gimme the damn time machine

HANA. I feel like I shouldn't because she is enough younger than me that it's creepy? So I will just say this: if she had been here when I was a 17-year-old recruit I would have basically tripped over my own dick trying to get her to so much as fucking glare at me. Hypercompetence is fuckin hot. */10 but teenage Jesse is like nerf me pls

GENJI. Is a hot dude. I'll just go there, alright? He is. I am also like 90% certain that some of those mechanical parts have functions that weren't in the instruction manual if you know what I'm saying, and I have watched his ass train, you would not believe the fuckin flexibility. Like if you like dudes even a little and you wouldn't fuck Genji you're lying. 11/10

HANZO. Go on and fucking laugh. Get it out of your system, I'll wait here. Okay, you done? Cause this motherfucker is carved out of fucking marble. Like I think if I punched him in the stomach I'd break my hand? And my hand is metal. Just fucking. Chiseled out of granite or some shit. Top to bottom. His face is the same too, he looks like some kinda Renaissance statue or some shit. Like even if I wouldn't bang him, which make no mistake I would, I would still want to touch him a lot to just see how he's fucking real. 13/10

JAMIE. Okay but lemme let you in on a secret. Happy fun laughing sex? Is the best sex. And if this little asshole is half as manic in bed as out you are in for a fuckin' time, alright? Plus he's tall as hell and has long ass fingers and the accent ain't bad either. Solid 8/10, probably a 10 if he could concentrate long enough to put actual effort into seduction? Either way, bring Gatorade

LUCIO. I mean, have you met this dude? He is probably the most gentle and caring and tender jackass you ever met in a bed. Will just dote the fuck all over you until you're a crying mess because you know no human can ever be that good back to him and he doesn't even care, he's just glad you're here, and then he wants to snuggle after. I mean sure, he's hot, but that's fuckin' secondary at this point. 11/10 also probably has the best sex playlist on the planet

MEI. If you have never seen Mei outside of her winter gear. Do yourself a favor. If it ever looks like she is about to take her coat off. Make sure you do not have any food or drink in your mouth. Because the first time I saw her in a t-shirt I basically snorted soda up my nose. She is a sweet and kind and wonderful darlin', make no mistake! But more prurient to the current subject her body does not even make sense. I'm shocked Winston ain't made a project of her yet because that many curves in that small a space has got to violate some laws of physics. Just... so much... EVERYTHING. All at once. Twenty pounds of bodacious in a ten pound sack. Here for it. 13/10 thighs would make excellent earmuffs

ANGIE. Okay. Look. You know all those American movies where there's this like shallow useless prop of a Gorgeous European Woman who's flirty and sexy and statuesque and golden? Now imagine they're also friggin crazy insane brilliant and like the kindest most loving person you ever met in your life and can also cook. Why do the rest of us even exist. Fuck me sideways. 11/10

FAREEHA. She is smarter than me, cooler than me, tougher than me, more educated than me, and can and has beaten me up. If you're into ladies and muscles this is your second best bet on base. And she's good at fucking everything? Which, again, I'm into, you should be too. 10/10 wear your pads

REINHARDT. Look. I'm just gonna come right out and say what we're all thinking. He's like 6'6" at least and about a yard wide at the shoulders. Even if he's just proportionally average he's still probably hung like an elephant. And hey, still got the bod after all these years, it's impressive. 11/10 I am a tall dude I've never been held up against a wall and it sounds fun

ROADHOG. You know what? Hog is a super fuckin sweet dude. I was not expecting that. But like, I got a big soft warm hug earlier just because I was drunk and sad.  And we ain't even super good friends yet. So honestly this probably goes the same way as Lucio, basically. Plus he's got big hands so hey. 10/10 why the hell not

JACK. I mean, fuck, look at him. Fuckin blond-haired blue-eyed pristine midwestern beefcake asshole. Got a fuckin' statue. You'd do him just to say you did it. 10/10

SATYA. Look, I'm normally real good at reading people and the whole aloof and mysterious thing is kinda played out? But she's working it. Like, just warm enough on occasion to reel you in a little. I dig it, very controlled, well executed. If you're into someone else taking control it's totally there. Or just insulting you, if that's your thing. And I mean, also gorgeous eyes and legs to the fuckin moon but did I even need to say that? No, no I didn't. 11/10

TORBJORN. YES I SAID EVERYBODY. Now look. Everyone wants to talk shit because Torb is small which is a fuckin disability actually, and it gives him migraines and shit and it makes everything hard and it sucks for such a good dude. But I have two points here. One: he is an engineer. I have seen him work. The level of manual dexterity is fucking astrounding. Two: He has like eighty-leven fucking kids, so he is CLEARLY doing something right. 10/10 get you some old man

LENA. Is a doll, alright? Everybody knows that. But everything I said before about happy fun sex applies here. Like yes, super cute, got it, but she's just like. Fun and happy just to be around. Lena makes everything a good fuckin time and if anything should be a good time it's fuckin', right? 11/10 maybe 12 if she brings British chocolate

WINSTON. Yeah I know. I said everybody. But like, here's the thing. There's the obvious Not A Human issues. That's weird. And weird in a way it isn't with omnics because he's a thing we normally don't view as equal but he's special and separate. So I am not gonna say this in a like, of me way.

But here's the thing. Winston is just. Good. Better than any of us, seriously. And he's the reason we all ended up back here. The reason I ended up back here when I damn well don't deserve to be. I walked away from the best thing that ever happened to me like a fuckin' idiot because I was scared and you all just. Let me back in. Like I didn't stab every damn one of you in the back when y'all needed me most.

I deserved what I had. Being alone and scratching out a meal and on the run. All I was doing was reaping what I'd sown myself and now... this. Now I'm home again and you all just act like I didn't...

And Winston gave me this. What I didn't deserve the first time around and sure as hell didn't deserve a second chance at. I owe him everything. I owe him my damn life. Winston is good and kind and amazing and wonderful and I want him to be happy and have whatever he wants, and if that includes getting laid then by God I hope he finds it.

10/10.

Anyway.

ZARYA. Holy hot damn. Like, I understand submissiveness in bed and whatnot, I may not entirely feel it but I get it. But I've never quite gotten the like, actual physical roughness thing? Until now? Because I'm pretty sure I want her to punch me. Honestly I'm suprised Lena can hold a conversation with her without choking. 11/10

ZENYATTA. Yeah yeah y'all were waiting for this weren't you. And this was gonna be a pretty standard "lol vibrating robot parts" joke but a little while ago I was snifflin' into this shot glass and he put one of those happy orbs on me? And just... guys everything is so good. I love y'all a bunch and we're all here together, an' we're doin' good an' makin the world better and it's so good. An' it don't even feel fake-good like getting drunk and forgetting your problems, which I was failin' to do earlier. Just... like there's so much good stuff already in the world an' I just couldn't see it before. Anyway what I'm sayin' is bangin' Zen might be the path to eternal enlightenment. 11/10 align my chakras baby

AND THAT. Is the thing. Is the post. That I have spent like an hour on now? But everybody here is hot and I'm surprised I can goddamn function.

[yelloskello]

living in a constant state of worry and hyper-awareness is fucking exhausting

I get shit sleep because i’m hyper-aware of every hair twitching on my arm or leg which makes me feel like shit’s crawling on me and hyper-aware of the temperature and hyper-aware of how uncomfortable I am, going to sleep is like being the princess and the pea, every little thing sticks out so it takes forever to fall asleep most nights when i’m already going to bed late and then ever since I had my breakdown in college i’ve been terrified, terrified of missing my alarm because I feel like if i’m ever late for anything my life is over. A lifetime of being told people notice every time and they will hate you for it tells me that every small mistake i make is constantly monitored and held against me with lifelong resentment. So i’m an incredibly light sleeper who will wake up at the slightest noise, and even if there’s not noise, i’ll still wake up early. sometimes two hours, but I can at least fall back asleep at that point--i’m even happy about it, like, fuck yeah, I get to sleep for two more hours. But then I wake up an hour before my alarm goes off and I can’t go back to sleep anymore. I’m exhausted, so I want to, so I try to convince myself that I can, I lay there and tell myself to chill the fuck out and just breathe and my alarm will wake me up... And then check my phone every 5-10 minutes because i’m d y i n g to know how much time I have left. There are no words for how much I envy people who can fall asleep fast.

Going to bed 6 hours before alarm means I might get 4 hours of actual sleep. I’m constantly exhausted on days when I work and you’d think eventually i’d get accustomed or some shit but no, it’s been a year, my body is not coping

if shit gets messy it’s like a buzzing in my brain--and not like, actually messy, just disorganized. Like having a cluttered desktop or shit being where it’s supposed to be but it’s out of order. This entire post was inspired by me looking at my desktop at work where i have a bunch of loose files saved right now and it’s super stressful because it gets overwhelming to look at and try to keep track of. it’s like an alarm is going off in the background until I fix it because even just looking at it stresses me out. I have bad sensory issues where I pick up every little sound and I might as well be hearing a jackhammer - I can just kinda swallow it, but it’s still like. I cannot concentrate on anything else but that sound suddenly. And god help me if i’m having a bad day because then I just can’t be around sound period, I hear it all and it gives me shit headaches.

everything I do I do because I think if I don’t, there will be dire consequences, so i work well past the spoons I have. every job at work is preceded by procrastination and fear because looking at a blank canvas is terrifying and I feel like what will come out will be utter shit but I better get it done because otherwise I will be fired, instantly. I keep shit as clean as I can because I feel like if I don’t immediately handle it, i’ll forget about it, and then people will resent me and I will lose the motivation to actually do something about it. When I was moving into my new place, I had a breakdown one night because i was so tired after the entire day that I didn’t have the energy to turn over and give my SO a hug. I just work. I push myself way, way past my limits, and I compensate for it by sleeping during my down time which loses me a huge chunk of my free time during the day.

I go to sleep thinking about how to solve my problems and I wake up thinking about how to solve my problems, and not even big problems, just anything that sets off alarms. The other day I was thinking about how to get a package to someone when i’m not gonna be in on the day it’s delivered, because if they don’t get it that day, they won’t get it til four days later, and by then it’ll be too late, and they won’t manage to get the product out to everyone, and I will have cost them a chunk of money for nothing because I dared to take time off for my birthday. This morning I woke up trying to figure out how to handle this meeting i’m having with someone without my supervisor present, and how I can explain to her that I can’t remember what she talked to me about on thursday because I was so bonkers out of my mind tired that day that I couldn’t remember anything from it if I tried. This shit doesn’t go away until it’s solved. there is no distracting myself from it.

my sister thinks I have OCD and honestly, probably. everything I do is dictated by fear and stress and sensory overload and i bet it looks super great on the outside because i’ve learned not to have breakdowns but lemme fucking tell you i’m losing years off my life here

[wetlaprasfanfiction]

Period Drama - Chapter Two.

This story was born on a very bad day in August 2017. In this story I’m exploring an issue that has plagued me since my teens. This issue has stolen many days of my life.

I actually felt a LOT like this when I wrote this and it really sucks. I was stuck in bed for two days. You could call it a creative outlet for a lot of frustration!. This has been pretty much me every month since I ‘started’, minus having the lovely Daryl to look after me of course!

I hope you enjoy this self-centred little number.

Category hurt/comfort/romance

Takes place at the farm just after Sophia is found among the walkers in the barn and Daryl gets hurt looking for her.  

This chapter is rated T, language etc, I will rate each chapter accordingly.

Disclaimer: Sadly I do not own The Walking Dead, this is for entertainment purposes only.

When morning arrived, I woke up slowly, pain still gnawing at me like some kind of creature with huge scratchy claws was trying to escape from my lower abdomen. Daryl was already awake and was just looking at me with those huge blue eyes of his. I winced as pain tore through me once again. 'This was going to be a very long day' I told myself silently. 'Looks like you're still hurtin' pretty bad' Daryl's gruff voice broke the silence. 'Yeah, the pain is still really bad, I dare not even try to stand up yet' I replied. 'I'll help you, just take it slow and you'll be fine hun' Daryl did his best to reassure me.

'You need anything just ask ok?' Daryl said as he turned towards me a bit more and started massaging my sore lower abdominal area again. 'Could you give me a hand to the bathroom please?' I asked. 'Yeah, sure, just lemme get my slippers on', Daryl spoke so softly to me, it was almost as if he reserved this quiet, soothing tone just for me, because I'd never heard him speak to anyone else in the group this way.

He fidgeted and whimpered ‘ah! ow!’ as moved ready to stand up, ‘you ok?’ I asked. ‘Side’s hurtin’ a bit that’s all’. ‘Sorry hun’ I told him, knowing what it was like to be in a crap load of pain. I knew mine wouldn’t last though, Daryl would probably hurt for a good few more days yet. Poor Daryl had gotten himself a nasty injury and if hospitals had still existed he would certainly have been in one for a while. I shuddered as I recalled the sight of Daryl’s limp body being carried into the house by Rick and Shane. I honestly thought I’d lost him. The moments as the center of my world was carried unconscious into the house had been the most difficult moments of my life aside from discovering all my remaining family had joined the ranks of the undead not so long ago. I stayed with Daryl in Hershel’s house that night in a chair next to his bed and held his hand until the dawn light woke him from his fitful, drug induced sleep. ‘You’re gonna be okay sweetheart’ I told his sleeping form as I gently brushed a few stray strands of hair from his face. My heart add taken another bashing when T Dog had run towards us with Sophia’s doll that Daryl had dropped after Andrea’s bullet clipped him. Was this a sign of hope or yet more sadness?. I had been wondering how I could personally thank Hershel for saving Daryl that fateful day.

Daryl crawled out of the tent and stood up.

I sat up as best as I could and crawled outside too on my hands and knees. Daryl approached me with his arms outstretched and I placed my hands into his. He slowly helped me to stand and once I stood up I swayed a bit, I felt awful, he wrapped his arm around my middle and we slowly walked towards the bathroom.

Pain struck again like an angry bolt of lightning. My legs wobbled under me and I began to feel really dizzy again. I leaned onto Daryl to steady myself. 'Oh sweetie, it's okay, I’ve got you' Daryl's soft voice said. I could see he was grimacing from the pain in his side as he put all his energy into holding me up. I felt awful, almost as if I were directly hurting the poor guy.

We made it to the bathroom, Daryl waited outside for me as I cleaned up. Once I was done, he placed his arm around my middle again and we headed back to the tent. He helped me back into bed and pulled the blanket back around me. It was about 8am and he headed off to let the others know I wasn't well enough for much today, they knew I'd collapsed last night and all asked Daryl how I was doing.

He’d told them I was pretty unwell, in pain and exhausted. I’d asked him to tell them all why if he wanted, in the hopes it would make them all reconsider any temptation to make any cruel jibes or jokes. I wasn’t up to that today.

He returned to the tent a few minutes later and slid into bed beside me. I was laying on my back trying to push the pain down. For a moment he just looked at me, those big blue eyes gazed at me like sapphires. I could see pain etched onto his face, pain that would plague him until his wounds healed. He shifted a bit closer, laying on his right side and placing his left hand onto my face and slowly stroking my hair and running his rough fingers across my face, fingers hardened by years of pulling bowstrings.

'I'm sorry' I said sadly as I gazed back into Daryl's eyes. 'I feel so weak and useless. I've always had huge problems with this' tears began to form in the corners of my eyes. 'Hey, it's okay sweetie, it's not your fault, you can't control these things' he said, his hand now moving down my arm. He leaned over me and kissed me slowly on the lips, his long hair brushed my face. I kissed him back and we put our arms around each other.

This blissful moment had distracted me from the gnawing in my stomach. The pain was building up into a violent crescendo again. 'Ouch! Ugh!' I whimpered as the pain seared through me like a white hot flash. I grimaced, trying to push it down. '

‘I can't lie here all day' I said to Daryl. 'Oh you can and you will, the last thing we want is for you to collapse again'. He said as he pulled the blanket over me, ' I’ll be back in a few ‘. As Daryl left the tent, I turned over to lay on my front, pulling my right leg up a bit and placing a pillow against my side, trying to reduce the pain. I closed my eyes and felt myself drifting back to sleep.

It felt like I’d only just fallen asleep when I felt him sit down next to me and put his hand on my shoulder. ‘Here, try to eat this’ Daryl said as he presented me with a bowl of warm porridge oats. Once I’d done eating I handed Daryl the bowl back and lay back down.

‘I need to go hunt this morning' Daryl said, 'I'll not be too long, but we need the meat'. 'Ok, I’ll be ok’ I said. 'Don't you be going anywhere, you should rest now' Daryl said as he gathered up his crossbow, bolts and knife. 'So should you' I told Daryl, you’re hurt, you’re going to get even more hurt if you don’t take it a bit slower for a bit and let your body heal'.

'Gotta hunt, we need the meat' Daryl said. 'Ok but please be careful, I’m not losing you Daryl, I love you' I told him. ‘I’ll be fine’ he assured me. This was Daryl Dixon, yes, he’d be fine.

‘Help me outside' I asked Daryl quietly as he leaned over the tent's tiny doorway. 'I really think you should lie down' he said back. 'I will but I want to sit outside for a bit, just till you get back from hunting'. 'Ok' he said as he reached his hands towards me, knowing better than to argue with me.

I grabbed his hands and he helped me stand up. I still felt terrible. Once I was standing up I slumped against his body, slung my arms around his waist, put my head against his chest and closed my eyes as he hugged me. I felt his hand on the back of my neck as he kissed me slowly on the lips.

'Here, lay here for a bit, he pulled one of the loungers over to me. I lay down, the sound of morning birdsong filled my ears as Daryl draped one of our blankets over me and kissed the top of my head. 'I love you he told me, 'I love you too' I responded. This was our simple ritual before we parted or engaged in trips into the dangerous post-apocalyptic world. I love you more than you will ever know Daryl Dixon, more than your own waste of space family ever did I’m sure, I thought to myself.

Daryl had asked the others to keep an eye on me while he went hunting. Hershel walked over to me and asked how I felt now.

'I feel awful, so fucking tired and weak, in so much pain', I told him, my voice starting to crack slightly as tears welled in the corners of my eyes. 'This thing makes me feel so useless'. Hershel took my right hand into his and began to tell me how his wife Patricia had very similar issues relating to period cycles. She would get pretty sick with it, and sometimes be unable to get out of bed on bad days.

‘Daryl’s amazing isn’t he, I’ve seen how he cares so much about you' Hershel said in a very matter of fact tone. 'I'd be dead if it were not for Daryl, I love that man with every last cell in my body’ I told Hershel.

 'I wish he’d stay put, he hasn’t given himself the time his body needs to heal properly' I told Hershel. 'When he gets back from hunting I want check his wounds' Hershel said, ' please ask him to be honest about his pain levels too' I asked Hershel. ' He’s been fidgeting a lot in the night and whimpering in his sleep’ I told Hershel, I think he’s hurting a lot more than he wants to let on’ I said'. 'I offered him something to help his pain, but he refused, said pain meds make him drowsy and he needs to be alert and able to fight if he needs to'. Hershel told me. 'That's my Daryl through and through' I said back, 'I'll have a word, see if I can get him to accept something tonight'.

 Hershel sat with me for a few minutes. 'This will be the death of me' I said to him, 'when I need to run from a bunch of walkers, I’ll collapse unconscious instead, I hope I stay unconscious while they eat me alive' I said. 'Either that or I’ll get bit and Daryl will have the job of putting me down' I said to Hershel.

 ‘I’ll be my luck I’ll get my fucking period the same time a huge herd rolls through'.

 ‘Less of that’ Hershel said, 'Daryl needs you, we all do. You have a hell of a lot in common with Daryl, more than you think. You're just as intelligent and resourceful as he is, you're both natural born survivors' Hershel said to me, his voice as stoic and calm as usual. 'No matter what happens to you and this world, I can absolutely promise you that Daryl will never, ever let anything like that happen to you'.

Eagerly awaiting chapter three? It won’t be long! :D

[richardshaver1955]

How to get yourself to work out in the morning!

  Big thanks to The Quaker Oats Company for partnering with me on this blog post!

Hey guys!

Working out in the morning is something that I could not get myself to do for YEARS. It was one of those “impossible” challenges that I honestly did not know how to conquer! I mean, I was going to bed at 2 or 3 am everyday, so it was probably better that I DIDN’T work out in the morning.

Well, within the past year, the impossible became the possible thanks to simple habit makeovers which allowed me to wake up earlier. Let me tell you – getting in your work out first thing in the morning is a GAME CHANGER. I end up feeling driven and motivated for work or school, my energy levels are through the roof, and I get the best sleep of my life later that night.

I want you to experience the magic of waking up early…so here are 6 tips that can make morning workouts a reality for you! FOR REAL!

#1. Go to bed early and at the same time every night.

I think the hardest thing about waking up in the morning is getting yourself to go to bed early. If you’re a night owl, like I used to be, it’s difficult to break that habit. But, it can be done if you want it to be done.

My trick is to make myself sleepy around 10:30pm. I’ll stretch 30 min to an hour before bed, which helps prepare my body for relaxation. If that doesn’t work, reading a book in bed helps calm my mind. Keeping the bedroom very dark also makes me sleepy.

Sometimes it’s external issues that keep us up – like the boss, the boyfriend, the bills – so if you can tackle those things head on while you’re awake, it will help ease your mind to sleep. I’m a fan of talking things out and also finding solutions for every problem. If you know something is on its way to getting better, you’ll find it easier to rest.

#2. Have something tasty waiting for you when you wake up!

I don’t know about you, but I am very motivated by food! Sometimes going to bed early means I’m one step closer to having breakfast! So if the thought of getting up early scares you, you can make it less scary by having a yummy and nutritious meal waiting for you right when you wake up.

Most days, I don’t have time to make breakfast in the morning, so I have to have something super quick. So it’s either gotta be ready to go (like a banana) or made the night before. That’s why overnight oats are the COOLEST. THINGS. EVER. You can mix oats with fruits, honey, nuts, and milk in a mason jar the night before and just refrigerate it. Then boom it’s thick, creamy, and ready to eat by 6am when you’re still trying to figure out where the light switch is.

I recently discovered that Quaker has hopped on board with the overnight oats trend! I applaud them for being so quick to react to this social media trend. So good job Quaker!

Sometimes mixing your own overnight oats can be a little hit or miss in the taste bud department. You don’t really know what it’s going to taste like until the next day. So, if you’re new to this, try out Quaker Overnights Oats! They originally created over 20 recipes and narrowed it down to 4 flavor profiles. Quaker provided me all 4 flavors to try and lemme tell you… they taste REALLY GOOD! My fave flavor is Raisin Walnut & Honey Heaven!

All you have to do is pour in some milk (I use almond milk) the night before, stir and then just put the single serve container in the fridge overnight and the next morning a super delish breakfast will be waiting for you! A mix of 100% whole grain oats plus other grains, no artificial flavors and no added colors. TOTES YUM IN DA TUM.

#3. Schedule it in your calendar!

If you don’t plan for it, it aint gonna happen. So, I treat my workouts with the same importance as a meeting, a doctor’s appointment, or a date. I put it in my calendar with a time so that it’s set in stone. This way, I cannot miss it. Whether you schedule your workout 1 day before a week before – doesn’t matter – put it in your calendar and don’t be late!

#4. Set a few alarms in the morning.

This is real talk. When I have to get up REALLY early in the morning I have at least 3 alarms go off because I don’t trust myself.

First alarm: “Hey, you need to get up but I’ll be nice and give you a few extra minutes.”

Second alarm: “I said a few. Not 15 minutes. Get your butt out of bed.”

Third alarm: “It’s been 30 minutes now. I can’t believe I trusted you. GET. UP. NOW. OR ELSEEEEEE!!!!!”

#5. Turn up the music.

Don’t feel in the mood? Then PUT YOURSELF IN THE MOOD! Listen to some pop music or whatever gets you going in the morning. Put on your fave songs or even your fave podcast (have you listened to The Sheroic Podcast yet!?) to help motivate you.

Awakening the mind will awaken the body! Then you’ll be ready to sweat!

#6. Embrace the extra energy you’ll gain!

Look, I know waking up early sucks. But it only sucks until you realize HOW AWESOME IT FEELS! You’ll be done with your workout before other people even get out of bed! You’re going to be so efficient with your time, you will be glowing with energy, and you’ll be so much more driven to crush the day!

I hope these 6 tips will help you change your lifestyle in a way that will make you healthier and happier. Seriously though guys, I never ever thought I’d be the morning workout type. But look – I am living proof that YOU CAN CHANGE.

In fact, you can do anything if you want to. The hardest part is getting started. But once you get over the fear of how it’s going to feel, that fear will be replaced with excitement for a new type of life you’re going to be living. One that you once thought was impossible.

K now go try at least one of these tips and be a morning person with me! Comment below what time you normally wake up!

And a big, big thanks to The Quaker Oats Company for partnering with me on this blog post. I love me some yummy Quaker Overnight Oats in the morning! Really though, go try them. So good.

from Blogilates http://ift.tt/2spPmcV

[greggreaen]

How to get yourself to work out in the morning!

  Big thanks to The Quaker Oats Company for partnering with me on this blog post!

Hey guys!

Working out in the morning is something that I could not get myself to do for YEARS. It was one of those “impossible” challenges that I honestly did not know how to conquer! I mean, I was going to bed at 2 or 3 am everyday, so it was probably better that I DIDN’T work out in the morning.

Well, within the past year, the impossible became the possible thanks to simple habit makeovers which allowed me to wake up earlier. Let me tell you – getting in your work out first thing in the morning is a GAME CHANGER. I end up feeling driven and motivated for work or school, my energy levels are through the roof, and I get the best sleep of my life later that night.

I want you to experience the magic of waking up early…so here are 6 tips that can make morning workouts a reality for you! FOR REAL!

#1. Go to bed early and at the same time every night.

I think the hardest thing about waking up in the morning is getting yourself to go to bed early. If you’re a night owl, like I used to be, it’s difficult to break that habit. But, it can be done if you want it to be done.

My trick is to make myself sleepy around 10:30pm. I’ll stretch 30 min to an hour before bed, which helps prepare my body for relaxation. If that doesn’t work, reading a book in bed helps calm my mind. Keeping the bedroom very dark also makes me sleepy.

Sometimes it’s external issues that keep us up – like the boss, the boyfriend, the bills – so if you can tackle those things head on while you’re awake, it will help ease your mind to sleep. I’m a fan of talking things out and also finding solutions for every problem. If you know something is on its way to getting better, you’ll find it easier to rest.

#2. Have something tasty waiting for you when you wake up!

I don’t know about you, but I am very motivated by food! Sometimes going to bed early means I’m one step closer to having breakfast! So if the thought of getting up early scares you, you can make it less scary by having a yummy and nutritious meal waiting for you right when you wake up.

Most days, I don’t have time to make breakfast in the morning, so I have to have something super quick. So it’s either gotta be ready to go (like a banana) or made the night before. That’s why overnight oats are the COOLEST. THINGS. EVER. You can mix oats with fruits, honey, nuts, and milk in a mason jar the night before and just refrigerate it. Then boom it’s thick, creamy, and ready to eat by 6am when you’re still trying to figure out where the light switch is.

I recently discovered that Quaker has hopped on board with the overnight oats trend! I applaud them for being so quick to react to this social media trend. So good job Quaker!

Sometimes mixing your own overnight oats can be a little hit or miss in the taste bud department. You don’t really know what it’s going to taste like until the next day. So, if you’re new to this, try out Quaker Overnights Oats! They originally created over 20 recipes and narrowed it down to 4 flavor profiles. Quaker provided me all 4 flavors to try and lemme tell you… they taste REALLY GOOD! My fave flavor is Raisin Walnut & Honey Heaven!

All you have to do is pour in some milk (I use almond milk) the night before, stir and then just put the single serve container in the fridge overnight and the next morning a super delish breakfast will be waiting for you! A mix of 100% whole grain oats plus other grains, no artificial flavors and no added colors. TOTES YUM IN DA TUM.

#3. Schedule it in your calendar!

If you don’t plan for it, it aint gonna happen. So, I treat my workouts with the same importance as a meeting, a doctor’s appointment, or a date. I put it in my calendar with a time so that it’s set in stone. This way, I cannot miss it. Whether you schedule your workout 1 day before a week before – doesn’t matter – put it in your calendar and don’t be late!

#4. Set a few alarms in the morning.

This is real talk. When I have to get up REALLY early in the morning I have at least 3 alarms go off because I don’t trust myself.

First alarm: “Hey, you need to get up but I’ll be nice and give you a few extra minutes.”

Second alarm: “I said a few. Not 15 minutes. Get your butt out of bed.”

Third alarm: “It’s been 30 minutes now. I can’t believe I trusted you. GET. UP. NOW. OR ELSEEEEEE!!!!!”

#5. Turn up the music.

Don’t feel in the mood? Then PUT YOURSELF IN THE MOOD! Listen to some pop music or whatever gets you going in the morning. Put on your fave songs or even your fave podcast (have you listened to The Sheroic Podcast yet!?) to help motivate you.

Awakening the mind will awaken the body! Then you’ll be ready to sweat!

#6. Embrace the extra energy you’ll gain!

Look, I know waking up early sucks. But it only sucks until you realize HOW AWESOME IT FEELS! You’ll be done with your workout before other people even get out of bed! You’re going to be so efficient with your time, you will be glowing with energy, and you’ll be so much more driven to crush the day!

I hope these 6 tips will help you change your lifestyle in a way that will make you healthier and happier. Seriously though guys, I never ever thought I’d be the morning workout type. But look – I am living proof that YOU CAN CHANGE.

In fact, you can do anything if you want to. The hardest part is getting started. But once you get over the fear of how it’s going to feel, that fear will be replaced with excitement for a new type of life you’re going to be living. One that you once thought was impossible.

K now go try at least one of these tips and be a morning person with me! Comment below what time you normally wake up!

And a big, big thanks to The Quaker Oats Company for partnering with me on this blog post. I love me some yummy Quaker Overnight Oats in the morning! Really though, go try them. So good.

How to get yourself to work out in the morning! published first on http://www.blogilates.com