#honestly it's pretty light on specifics though so hopefully ok

[chipped-chimera]

Thought I'd do a little bit of a personal update! I'm doing the reorganising thing which is still slow but really motivating - enough that I'm having good energy days where I'm getting more done! I should be able to start work on the new fish tank soon!

More commentary/thoughts/where I'm going creatively below the cut. (It might be a bit heavy, you've been warned - check tags for more info)

EDIT: Fixed Tumblr borking this, now looks like how this WAS SUPPOSED TO oof

So I'm in the process of redoing my entire office just to fit this fish thank (which has now been leak tested so we're good to go), as well as reorganising based on tips I picked up from this book for people with ADHD that I've found massively helpful. Honestly it's been great for helping me just THROW SHIT OUT because while I can have my moments of ruthless detachment and clear inventory my family is very much a 'use/reuse/reappropriate' kind of deal, which while great often gives me hesitation throwing stuff out primarily because of that pressure - especially when I'm stuck living with them. Now I know it's necessary to get everything to a state where it will STAY organised.

It's also let me take inventory of the stupid amount of traditional media art supplies which have been sitting there since high school in near pristine unused condition (we are talking a LOT of very useable acrylic paints here) and get them all organised. After chatting with my psychologist yesterday I've bought more/replacements for things I had to throw out (literally dry as a bone markers) as she literally said she 'very much encouraged' my idea of starting a visual art diary to help process emotions and stuff.

I know over the years my inspiration to do stuff has withered, usually because it's been hammered by bad moods (caused primarily by external forces I could not control on top of my already battered neurology). I know now because of shit in my past that has been largely unresolved, art has never been an outlet for emotions for me because I'm so afraid of taking up space. Despite emotions being a powerful source for art, I rarely draw on them both because I have spent so much time trying not to feel them or hiding them because unfortunately my history is one of a lot of rejection, right down to a very young age where my caregivers should have been way more on the ball. It's helped me acknowledge my way of expressing love and affection is kind of fucked - when I feel close to someone or like them a lot it has the opposite effect where I instinctively want to pull away from them because I'm scared I'm going to 'ruin it', like my life is tainted and by associating with them I'll drag them down somehow. I know it's silly but it's very hard to get past because it's automatic - that was the only way I was guarenteed to get affection, if I was the most borin, biddable, palatable child in existence who caused no problems, even if it meant enduring physical and emotional pain alone. I inherently find it hard to trust people being genuine about liking me as a person because I'm just waiting for the shoe to drop when they realise I'm too much hassle - which unfortunately was the circumstance my relationship ended around so yeah, that did not fucking help. Basically I go from being really comfortable around someone to masking intensely and yeah that is NOT GOOD. I also legit feel the reason I have alexytheimia is because I had to develop a buffer so early in my life just to survive as far as I have.

I'm hoping art journalling will help me process some of those thoughts and feelings and I still want to try and show them, just to show myself they DO have value, they are a valid part of the human experience and they should be allowed to take up space - I do not need to hide them away or cut pieces of myself out to become more 'palateable' to people. So yeah um, I guess there will be some vent art, I don't know if I'll post only to my art blog or here because it's more sketchy shit and I reserve the art blog for finished pieces now ... either way knowing me it's going to be highly metaphorical and symbolic so I don't know how 'triggering' it could be but either way I'll probably tag the absolute shit out of it just to make sure I don't adversely effect someone (yes I am aware of the irony in me saying that as it's basically me trying to 'not ruin' things again but even putting it out there at all is a big enough step - also tags are just basic decency).

So uh ... That's what I've been up to? Also why I've been kind of shit about WIP Wednesday tagging and responding to other tag games (which I am now once again remembering a bunch of that I STILL have sitting in my motifs cause I still wanna do them ; m ;) I think I tend to get something like reverse SAD this time of year, arguably for the same reasons SAD develops - it gets so damn hot that I have the curtains closed in my office (which has the biggest window in the house) all day to keep the heat out. So arguably I have just made 'tiny dark winter' for about two months because I ain't going outside when it's over 30C (aka the temp tomorrow. And the day after THAT. Fuck I hate summer). Just instead of dark and cold it's dark and sweaty - feeling clammy also being a sensory problem for me so all around BAD TIME until the season changes :/

Outside of all that I'm speculating writing a wlw romance in a western setting because I have had on off cowboy rot since forever and I should probably do something with that already. Currently speculative Native American love interest/secondary protagonist with a background that probably touches on maybe the boarding schools and then reconnection with culture. We've had similar stories with our indigenous population in Australia unfortunately (colonialism is a plague) so I can sort of have some understanding but I probably need to hit the books on that one. For any Americans/Canadians reading this if you know some good books, PLEASE send me your references, I really want to make sure I do this right. I reblogged a post a few days ago about how Native Americans are often dehumanised in westerns and they just become part of the landscape, and I really want to push against that. Also do some contrasting against how oppressive western colonial era culture was by comparison to native culture honestly because I feel that would be a really interesting dynamic. Idk when/if stuff with this project will start happening but we'll see.

If you read this far, thanks! It's pretty validating to know people care this much, since it's hard for me to believe people do care a lot of the time because of all the above bullshit. So just so you know, I love you guys 💖 and you get a bonus cat:

Tiny p.s. living with my parents now is very different from when I was a child, I know the people who caused me hurt are long, long gone. They are not the same people anymore - so I am okay! It's still frustrating but more for the reasons of wishing I had my own (bigger) space to live in and put all my stuff and just 'I am a 30 year old extremely supressed lesbian speed running puberty and this environment is not conducive to exploring that' if anything. While I'm out with my Mum I can't like ... talk about that shit lol. So yeah, frustrating but for entirely different reasons. Just clearing that up.

[always-just-red]

hello hi! ik the fandom mostly favors interactions between LIs & MCs/Readers but i was wondering if you have your own ideas between the LADS boys like friendship headcanons between them? how their dynamic works and which would be the best bros with each other or strongest siblings rivalry vibes between them (⁠ ⁠╹⁠▽⁠╹⁠ ⁠)

hopefully this is alright to request! 🙏🏻

Hi!! That's totally alright, I've seen so many good takes on this already and I love a good character analysis, so would love to weigh in! I waited to answer this since I was actually working on this fic when you sent it, and that's got all the guys interacting, so check it out if you're interested! 🥰

Disclaimer: These are all my personal headcanons! I'm not the authority on the boys and their characterisations, nor do I claim to be, so pls be respectful if you disagree with anything!

Ok so!

I can see Rafayel and Sylus getting on well once they're more familiar with each-other (though maybe that's just wishful thinking on my part).

I think Sy would honestly force Raf to confront a lot of his own insecurities? After all, Sy seems a lot more comfortable in who he is-- he's got that self-assuredness and charm that we all know Raf has to put more conscious effort into portraying. Whilst we don't know the extent of his past, Sylus has clearly made peace with the fact that he has to do bad things sometimes, whereas Rafayel still seems to have a lot of inner conflict around his actions, morality and identity.

I imagine Raf resenting Sy a little at first and so acting out a bit, trying to one-up him etc, and Sy being Sy, I think he'd probably rise to the challenge (he could be the bigger man, but like, where's the fun in that??)

Sylus is smart, so I think he'd probably realise pretty quickly that Rafayel is masking. They've both been through a lot, and once they see that in each-other there'd be a mutual respect I hope. Plus they probably have common enemies?? So if they can both get over the instinct to lone-wolf it, that's one kick-ass team ready to go (and I will be SEATED, ready to enjoy the view!!!)

If the guys are all out together, Zayne's probably gonna take it upon himself to be mediator, care-taker etc, especially as I think he'd be the one to read between the lines and notice if any of the others are struggling (e.g. if Rafayel's getting worn out in a social setting).

At first, it would be because they're MCs friends! He knows she cares about them, so he's gonna be looking out for them all. But he needs a break! So once they're all more familiar, I can see the others trying to coax him into relaxing and letting his guard down a bit, and he'll appreciate that! (But he will keep one eye on the ball because, like, imagine Raf coming up to you and saying 'I've got this, you can totally trust me' like you would have a med-team on standby, y'know?)

I think Sylus and Zayne would naturally have a bit of rivalry in terms of authority, but it would be light-hearted. There's an ongoing debate around who MC left in charge (Zayne) but there's only one person who's actually convinced by that debate (Sylus). He's gonna assume leadership position anyway, and Zayne lets him get away with it to a specific extent, unless it crosses a line, and then it quickly becomes clear who the real leader is.

Xavier!! I can see Xavier being the 'quiet one' of the group who secretly has a lot more sway than any of them realise. The others are super comfortable around him, especially Zayne when he actually wants to relax, or Rafayel when his social battery is dead. But! Xavier's no push-over, and that quickly becomes apparent in any conflict.

I actually think Sylus would enjoy stoking Xavier's darker side (if Xavier gets involved in an argument you best believe Sylus has the popcorn ready) and that the two would make pretty good sparring partners. They'd have fun with the whole Hunter's Association vs Onychinus thing, similar to the MC/Sylus dynamic.

But at the end of the day?

There's a reason we love the boys-- they're all good guys, and whatever conflicts there are, they're gonna figure it out for MC's sake. They've all been through so much, and they're all selfless in their love for MC, so that's always gonna be something they can relate to and appreciate in each-other.

And I think they could all benefit from more genuine friends?

So yeah! That's my take! I know I love angst but I'm choosing to be an optimist, mostly because I love the found-family trope and I wanna see the boys getting up to sitcom-type shenanigans! 😭😭😭

[xandria]

𝐡𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐜𝐚𝐧𝐨𝐧𝐬 : ᴄᴏᴄᴋᴡᴀʀᴍɪɴɢ

   — includes : Bokuto, Hinata, Tendou

𝘤𝘰𝘯𝘵𝘢𝘪𝘯𝘴 : 𝘵𝘦𝘢𝘴𝘪𝘯𝘨, 𝘥𝘦𝘨𝘳𝘢𝘥𝘢𝘵𝘪𝘰𝘯, 𝘴𝘭𝘪𝘨𝘩𝘵 𝘦𝘹𝘩𝘪𝘣𝘪𝘵𝘪𝘰𝘯𝘪𝘴𝘮, 𝘥𝘶𝘣𝘤𝘰𝘯 𝘪𝘧 𝘺𝘢 𝘴𝘲𝘶𝘪𝘯𝘵

♡ this man is too pure, does it just to be close to you ♡ innocent and wholesome, that’s how it always starts anyways ♡ he promises he only has pure intentions when he approaches you ♡ “wanna be as close as we can” 🥺 ♡ he whines it out like a justifiable reason as he slides your panties to the side ♡ you want to believe him, you want to trust he'll behave ♡ 100% does not behave though, honestly, this is your fault, you know better ♡ you know how quickly he comes undone buried in your tight, wet heat ♡ not that he cares though, he's positively shameless ♡ he definitely wants to do it in a dark room with friends because he can   ♡ gets off on the idea that he’s balls deep in you and no one in the room knows ♡ but you know better, so why the hell did you agree to this? ♡ oh, that's right

- ♥ -

   His strained gasp sounds off in your ear, shaky and stifled, caught in his throat as you clench around him. With his lips pressed to your ear, you are going absolutely insane with each subtle noise he makes, each stuttering breath from the way you affect him going straight to your cunt and making you soak around him.

Your muscles ache from the tension of trying to stay still, and the way his breath comes out ragged and unsteady let's you know he's in the same shape. Luckily, his labored breathing can't be heard over the movie playing in front of you, and no one can see underneath the blanket, where your dress is hiked up to your waist, Bokuto's shorts pushed down slightly, and every inch of his cock stuffed inside you. His hot breath on the back of your neck, the way his lips graze the shell of your ear, his taught chest and chiseled arms embracing you tightly, it is taking everything within you not to jerk your hips violently. You can tell by the way his heavy pants in your ear get louder, and his roaming hands become more grabby that your little 'cuddling season' is getting very dangerous very quickly. 

You freeze when Bokuto moves slightly to adjust his position laying on the couch. At least, that's what you hope it looked like from above the blanket, because beneath it, he just angled his hips to pull back an inch and then push forward, sighing deeply through his nose as he presses the head of his cock as far as it will go. You inhale sharply, wincing when it makes a louder noise than you wished for, then relaxing after a few moments of no one noticing. Only when his tip is hugged tightly to your cervix does he settle back into stillness. You want to turn and glare at him, but the lethal grip his biceps have around your waist keeps you stationary in his arms as his large palms roam your sides.

"Kou," you whisper in a warning tone that he doesn't register. He simply buries his face in your hair and hums happily in response, pleased that you are calling out to him. You look up to assess the potential risk around you. Atsumu is the most likely to notice first, as he is sitting on the couch right beside you, but he also seems the most distracted, idly chatting with Hinata during the movie. Ok, you figure, if you can just keep Bokuto in check, maybe you can keep from-

Your breath catches in your throat, thoughts interrupted, when bokuto's hands suddenly slide underneath your shirt, palming your breasts. Teasing your nipples with his fingers, he pinches your sensitive buds, and whether it be involuntary or as revenge for his teasing, your hips jerk back into him, and your walls squeeze his cock tightly, something you immediately regret.

His head falls back and he sighs in pleasure a little too loudly.

A few of your friend's eyes are now on you, specifically Atsumu's, who's staring hard at the two of you with rightful suspicion, before he says a phrase that you and Bokuto, unfortunately, know all too well.

"Hands check!" At the order of the blonde, you and Bokuto raise your hands from under the blanket to show that they aren't up to anything nefarious, and your friends, satisfied, return their attention to the movie.

Thank god they didn’t ask y'all to stand up.

Some time passes and you start to get hopeful, Bokuto seemingly behaving himself as he lays still on the couch behind you. Your friends start to leave one by one, and you actually think for a moment that you'll get out of this scandalous situation with the entirety of your dignity intact. That is, until another guest exits, leaving only Atsumu and Sakusa left, and you feel sudden suspicion and dread at how your boyfriend starts glancing between them and the door. You are moments away from giving Bo a small reminder of patience when he opens his mouth to address the remaining guests.

“Okay guys, I’ll be completely honest, I’m balls deep in y/n right now and getting pretty into it, so, if you wouldn’t mind heading out!”

The small, lingering moment of silence after your boyfriend's announcement rings loudly in your head, and you will yourself to be less aware of your friend's deadpan stares.

“...Really, Bokuto? Really?” Atsumu’s jeers, and then starts laughing. 

“Y/n, I’m sorry.” Sakusa regards you, apologizing on behalf of the two fools in the room. 

“...It’s fine...“ You mumble from behind your hands, burning red with embarrassment. 

You can just feel the beefy man behind you beam with excitement as he watches your friends stand and leave. He’s on you the second the door is closed, moaning lowly in your ear,

“M’fucking dying to finish what I started,”

♡ needs it for naps 🥺 ♡ this pretty boy isn’t often tuckered out, but when he is ♡ he still wants to be close to you sooo bad  ♡ just needs to hold you and feel you wrapped around him  ♡ so he’ll crawl into bed, pulling you into his grip ♡ burying his face in your hair and his cock in your cunt <3 ♡ and just, pass out like that ♡ heaven for him, sometimes inconvenient for you. ♡ don’t even think of trying to move though, this is his sacred time  ♡ even if you could escape his beefy grip, ♡ he’s a light sleeper :) and grumpy when waken from naps :) ♡ oh, and he takes it real personally if you ruin his precious cockwarming naps

- ♥ -

   You knew you should’ve said no… you’ve got groceries to get and a meeting to catch, but, when your tanned, beefy, exhausted-looking boyfriend walked through the door with heavy steps and spotted you on the couch with those tired hooded eyes, you just couldn’t resist what came next. 

When he crawled over to you with that lazy smile, a husky “hey there, pretty puppy” falling from his lips, when he wraps his strong arms around your torso and pulls you in, and especially when he grinds lazily against your ass, moaning a few praises before pulling your panties to the side and stuffing himself inside. Every single time, he hums happily at the way you have to adjust, twitching and whimpering in his grip, before relaxing into his form, and every single time, he is asleep within moments.

A while later, you try to glance at the clock, your movements limited by the big spoon embrace he has you trapped in, and you just know it’s probably time to get up. 

But… the soft hum of your boyfriend’s warm breath is on your neck, coming out in steady huffs, his nose nuzzled up to the skin behind your ear, and fuck. You thought you had stronger will power than this. 

With his warm embrace, the way his heartbeat thuds rhythmically against your back, his taught chest rising and falling with his peaceful sleep… Honestly, nothing would have made you get out of this heavenly embrace, except maybe, the burden of responsibilities, or maybe the ache of your hips from being wrapped up with your knees toward your chest for so long. You try to shift your hips to a more comfortable angle, and he twitches inside of you, reminding you of how positively filled you are right now. 

You huff, from sensation and frustration, and when the wall of muscle behind you doesn’t wake, you try your luck again. You push your legs against his thighs, trying to break free from the curled position his legs had pushed you in. You manage to free yourself some wiggle room, and you hopefully start to squirm your way out of his arms, when a sudden grip on your wrist catches your attention. 

“What’re you doing?” His tired voice grumbles out, almost innocently, but you know better, you’ve been caught. 

“I was… I have-“ You’re interrupted with your own gasp when he thrusts forward suddenly, pushing his now hardening cock deeper into you.

“You were what, baby? I thought you were being my cocksleeve,” he coos out the degradation with such dripping affection you almost feel guilty for waking him up from his nap. He leans in with a sigh, placing soft and sweet kisses on the skin of your neck, right below your jaw. “You’re so perfect as my little cocksleeve…”

“Shoyo,” You sigh in pleasure and relief, your eyes fluttering closed at his soft touches and warm praises, mistakenly taking his kind demeanor as a sign you were in the clear. You gasp in shock when he flips you over on your stomach in a mere moment.

“But, you woke me, so” He says, his sudden tone almost alarmingly dismissive as he sits up from you, leaving you whining at the loss of his warm chest on your back. He grips your hips in his large hands with vigor, “Now I have to punish you, okay?”

“S-Sho! Wait!” Your fingers grasp at the sheets as you tense. “Can’t,” is all he gives you, running a rough palm down your spine to squeeze your ass harshly.

“You’re my puppy, aren’t you? That means you’ll let me use you when I need you, right?”

♡ he does it to tease himself, and you ♡ can you tell this man is a masochist AND a sadist? ♡ can you tell this man has an orgasm denial kink AND an edging kink? ♡ ok anyways ♡ he’s fucking wild so he finds it hottest in really risky situations  ♡ catch him pushing your skirt up and telling you to be quiet in the corner of a crowed train <3 ♡ or how about on the balcony of a crowded party? ♡ a sea of dancing people behind him, a night sky of city lights and passing cars in front of you ♡ he’ll hold you in place while spilling filth into your ears ♡ after all, as long as you stay still ♡ he just looks like a good caring boyfriend, hugging his girlfriend on the balcony <3

- ♥ -

   Music and muffled voices pound dully through the glass of the closed balcony doors, colored lights flash in your periphery, mostly blocked by Tendou’s looming frame behind you as the cold wall of the balcony is pressed tight against your chest. Your fingers white-knuckle the railing in tight fists, attempting to ground yourself, as the painful stretch of your boyfriend's cock threatens to do you in. He's only halfway in you, and your head is spinning as he barely pushes more of himself inside.

Your hips jerk forward to escape the harsh stretch of his cock, but the tense tightness of your cunt won't allow you any reprieve, only succeeding to suction him in tighter as you pull forward. 

“S-Shit, you better stop fucking doing that, sweet girl.” His long fingers have a mean grip on your hips, your skirt bunched in his knuckles, and you can practically feel purple forming beneath his fingertips. 

He waits for you to still and then sinks farther into you. You twitch again, and he reprimands you with a harsh warning squeeze to your thigh, leaving the flesh tender and aching.

“Better listen to me pretty thing, or I’ll have to pull out and leave you an empty mess on this balcony.”

“No! Satori, please,” you pant, the muscles of your thighs and ass trembling from trying not to push back into his agonizingly still hips. 

His long, curved, perfect cock is slowly driving inch by inch into your wet heat, dragging his pronounced head against your sweet spot at a speed so slow you could choke. 

You whine and grab desperately at his hands, the one on the railing and the one digging painfully into your hip.

“I said, stay still angel, or this whole party will see how fucking desperate you are for me," he moans lowly, voice deep and taunting, a stark contrast to the soft kiss he plants on your cheek. He fists the flesh of your hip harder, despite you keeping yours just as still as his, and you whimper.

"Don't get us caught, and maybe I’ll give you what you want,” he practically growls in your ear, his killer grip on the balcony making the veins in his hands protrude. The throbbing of your bruised hip under his large grip and the dripping lust from his voice is too much, your knees shake and a deep, broken whine leaves your throat. Tendou shivers, releasing his hand on your side to wrap his strong arm across your waist, trapping you against him. He moans into your hair, deeply inhaling your scent.

“Fuck, unless, that's what you want, huh? You just tightened around me, does getting caught stuffed full of my cock turn you on, slut?” He's growling in your ear and you whimper, your head falling back to his shoulder, tender walls fluttering around his cock. He leans down and groans against the skin of your neck, taking the opportunity to trap you in a tighter hug against the balcony and finally push his cock into you to the hilt. His lips smile against the side of your throat as you gasp.

“That is what you want, isn’t it? You’re just a filthy fucking slut for me, aren’t you? My dirty little whore,” You quiver around him as he grunts in your ear, his aching cock twitching against your cervix. 

You can tell by the way his voice shakes and grows huskier, and the way he tightens his arm around your waist, fingertips digging forcefully into your soft flesh, that he is just as weak and trembling with pleasure as you are.

“I should just fuck you right here on this balcony, shouldn’t I? Let everyone below us, everyone at this party see how good I fuck you, show them how hard I make you cum, yeah?” He’s practically panting in your ear, his cock painfully still, and painfully hard, straining in your tight, gummy walls.

“I’ll spread you open and show the whole world you’re mine, you want that?” His iron restraint has held up until now, his hips jutting forward in a moment of weakness, jolting you into the cold balcony and making you cry out his name.

“Yes, please! Tori! I’m yours!”

The pleased, sadistic chuckle that tumbles from his throat is low and vibrates you to your soaking core.

“That’s my fucking girl,”

[kamino-blues]

Body Dysmorphia (Bad Batch x Reader)

Rating: Pg-13, sfw

Warnings: This is about Body dysmorphia, so mentions of some of the affects it has (for example hyper focusing on a certain part of the body and wanting it to change, seeing yourself in a bad light, covering parts of your body since you are uncomfortable) - I based it mostly on what I experience. These headcanons focus mostly on dysmorphia involving the readers thighs and stomach. There is also mention of eating disorders, specifically in Hunters headcanon, so if you are uncomfortable reading about it please don't read.

Authors Note: Hi Everyone! It's been a little while, I hope everyone has been well!! I've been struggling with my body recently, and I just kinda wanted to write something about the Bad Batch cheering the reader up (cause I need some cheering up 😅). This tends to focus on what I experience, so it may be different from what you experience if you experience dysmorphia. I also didn't want to dwell too long on the specific affects, I wanted to write more about them cheering the reader up. Hopefully this came out ok.

Hunter

Hunter notices how you skip meals, how your eyes flick down to your body as you are sitting, arms crossed and chair completely tucked in

He had seen you grabbing at your stomach when you thought no one was looking

It was concerning to say the least

After you skipped another dinner, Hunter went to your room, knocking lightly on the door

He would gently ask you about it, holding your hand the entire time as he assured you that you didn’t need to go into detail

He just wanted to know what was going on, he was really worried

You would most likely break down, telling him bits and pieces as you cried

Hunter would pull you into him, letting you bury your face into his shoulder

Hunter would constantly reassure you that you were safe, and that he was here for you

After this happened, he would constantly tell you how beautiful you are, and would try his best to help you stay healthy

He would often bring ration bars up to your room, sitting with you and talking

The talking helped, it distracted you and helped you eat more

It was a slow process but he really wanted to help you

Hunter would hold you whenever everything got to overwhelming, and would always be there to help you

Tech

Tech noticed your mannerisms and habits almost right away, and would note when it was happening

He kept track of when you ate, and when you were acting out of it

Tech didn’t ask you right away if you were experiencing dysmorphia, but when you started dating, he carefully asked you

You would be silent, but slowly nod, and he would pull you into a hug

He had a plan to make you feel as best as you can, that was the reason why he was collecting so much data on your mannerisms

Tech knew the times during the day when you were most out of it, and would make sure to be at your side when he predicted it would be at its worst

Would distract you by talking about his new projects, about anything you wanted to talk about ( you loved listening to him)

Hugs always helped you, and he would often have his arm around you, pulling you into his side

If he was working, he would let you lean your head on his shoulder, and would softly chat with you about what he was doing

He knew how hard it was to control one's thoughts, so he tried his best to distract you

Tech just wanted you to be comfortable, and he would try as hard as he can to help you

Crosshair

Crosshair would notice every time you would quickly walk past mirrors, avoiding your reflection as if it was the plague

He would see you constantly pulling down on the legs of your shorts, and covering your lap when you sat down

Cross noticed everything, he is very perceptive because of his job

Wouldn’t intervene at first, not wanting to intrude on your personal problems

But when he walked in on you crying as you were gripping portions of your thighs in your hand, he knew he had to step in

That day he wrapped his arms around you, grabbing your hands and holding them in his own

You were frozen in place, still fixated on your body, mumbling about how Cross deserved someone better

“You are so beautiful princess, your body is beautiful”

From that day on, he made it his mission to make you recognize how you weren’t flawed

Would grab your hands when you were pulling at your shorts, holding them in his own

When you were seated, would hold his hand on your thigh (He would keep the pillow/blanket on your lap still, he knows how uncomfortable you would be if you didn’t have it)

He constantly would bring up how beautiful you are, and would never EVER make snarky remarks at your appearance

If someone makes any comments about you, he will fight them no doubt

Crosshair just wants you to feel comfortable in your own skin, and will do anything in his nature to help you out

Echo

Echo picked up on your body dysmorphia long before you mentioned it, as he also goes through it

His body was changed, changed in ways that he could never get back, so he knows how it feels to look in the mirror and see yourself in the completely wrong light

You brought it up one night, since you noticed he acted similar to you, and told him about how bad this was affecting you

Both of you were on the same page, knowing each others signs if either of you were uncomfortable

If he noticed that you were getting quiet, pulling at your clothes to cover more skin while glancing down. Echo would pull you away from wherever you were and pull you into a hug, telling you how beautiful you are

If you were in public, he would offer to bring you back to the Marauder so that you would be more comfortable

If you were on the ship, he would quickly grab a spare top of his blacks and a pair of your sweatpants, so that you could be cozy in layers

Would lead to a cuddling session

You would do the same for him. When he got into a really bad mindset, you would stay up with him, holding him against your chest

Both of you were able to calm the other down, and even though the body dysmorphia would never go away, you would cope together

Wrecker

At first, Wrecker wouldn’t understand what you were going through

He thought that you were amazing, that you were so dang pretty

So the fact that you thought so lowly of yourself confused him, and it honestly made him upset

Wrecker wanted you to know how beautiful you are

He would give you constant affection, and if he ever noticed that you were staring at a certain part of your body or grabbing at it, he would wrap you into a hug

Wrecker would do his best to distract you from your thoughts, keeping you in conversation, getting you to workout with him, and other activities

If you were smiling and happy, then he was smiling and happy

Sometimes you would fall silent, Wrecker being unable to distract you from your true thoughts

At those moments he would just hold you

Wrecker has the best hugs, and he used them to help you with the best of his abilities

He loves you, and would do anything to make you realize how amazing you are

[dilfbane]

It Gets Better(A Silky Pearl)

Summary: It’s been a long time since things have gotten this bad. Loki, returned from his latest mission, lets you know that, with help and support, you can overcome the worst of things, and makes sure you know that he’ll be there with you to get you through it, each and every day. 

Pairing: Loki/Female Reader

Warnings: Reader in this fic struggles with eating disorders. Thoughts and feelings related to these(specifically to anorexia and bulimia), are made throughout the fic, especially those that, in my personal experience, people with these disorders experience. I cannot stress enough that this will be discussed/referenced/talked about, sometimes explicitly(Though not graphically) and sometimes implicitly, so please be aware of that and know that it’s OK to take care of yourself and skip this one if that would be triggering to you! 

Word Count: 3.1k

A/N: I want to preface this by saying that there are a LOT of people, both here and on AO3, who have made some amazing Loki/reader oneshots where the reader is struggling with mental health and/or physical health issues, that really provide a sense of warmth and fluff and support to people who may be going through those things themselves, and I’ve taken a lot of comfort in those fics over the course of the pandemic(I’ll be shouting out a couple of them in the tags!). I want to acknowledge that these exist, and that they’re awesome and have partly inspired my own writing, before talking about this little project I’m embarking on. 

Because, while I have gotten a lot of comfort out of many of those pieces of writing, there are definitely some things which I feel like aren’t talked about as much in pieces like these which I have gone through, and which a lot of other people have gone/are going through, and…. I figured that maybe I could take a crack at trying to provide that hit of fluff for people dealing with those things, if I can, and hopefully use my own experience with them to do it in as respecful and accurate a way as possible. 

All that being said, the first oneshot in this little project is going to be dealing with a pretty heavy subject, that being eating disorders. The reader in this fic does struggle with eating disorders - specifically anorexia and bulimia. I will not be actively describing anything too graphic about these disorders in this fic, except to highlight through implication and some sparse details that this is what’s happening here, as well as show some of the inner thought processes of the reader, but there definitely is enough in here to show that that’s what’s going on, so if anyone would be triggered by that, please take care of yourselves and give this one a pass! Also, I will further disclaim that there are many types of eating disorders, and everyone’s experience with them is different. In this oneshot, I wrote based off what I know to have been true during the time in my life when I struggled with the same conditions, and I really tried to make the fluff and support as kind and encouraging as I possibly could. If for ANY REASON there’s something that I did badly at, or something that’s disrespectful, anyone reading this may feel more than free to let me know and I’ll do my best to fix it! I don’t want this fic to be a place where anyone feels hurt or disrespected, that isn’t my intention at all, and if I make a mistake in that regard for any reason whatsoever, I would really appreciate knowing so that I can correct it!

Anyways, after that extremely lengthy A/N, just… please know, if you’re going through something like this, that you’re not alone, that help does exist and is out there, and that you are seen and heard. And take this Loki fluff, because honestly, there can never be too much of that in the world! 

You know that he worries about you. Even before his latest, three-week mission, you know that he worried about you. In the mornings, as you pour your coffee, you watch him watch you with careful nonchalance, gaze boring into the back of your head, slight furrow creasing his eyebrows, frown pulling small at his lips. He dresses early, because he wakes early; it is a battle, most mornings, for you to get out of bed. And so what, if you take your coffee with more creamer than is necessarily normal - it has to last you a long time, this coffee. You need the sugar of it, to get you to that clean pain. It is sharper, more real, than any scalpel, any knife that Loki keeps concealed by his armor; all that fine Asgardian leather, green and supple and him. It gives you back the control that you lack. Lets you be the person that you would be. 

It’s not that you’re afraid of your body, but you are ashamed by it; cannot fathom, even now with his gaze on you, that Loki could love somebody so dreadfully overweight. 

Today, though - Today, you had thought, you had hoped, that it might be different. You don’t know why you have that hope, but it brims up in you; a physical need, a visible yearning, for you to be enough for once. Someone that Loki can stand to look at. Someone that Loki can love. He is looking at you now like he’s seeing you for the first time, and you flinch from the frown that creases his piercing gaze, unable to bear how it roves up the planes of your body; silhoutted in the light coming in through the window, you can feel each ounce of fat that stretches over your sinew, cartilage. (You know that Loki hates your body - He traces it sometimes like he’s probing you, trying to find where your bones are. You wish that you could call him on it, and know that you never could). 

You stand at the counter, and turn from him; rummage in the cabinet for your coffee mug with shaking fingers; you almost feel like they’re rubber. Blue and cold, like his Jotun skin, but you know that it isn’t enough. Pins and needles prick at them - you can almost convince yourself that it’s only your guilt and shame, but you cannot hide from the pain suffusing Loki’s voice when he speaks. 

“Darling,” He says, on a shaky breath, “We need to talk about this.” 

“I know -” You tell him - you know that you can’t run from this, anymore. He knows how you look, how nothing you do is fixing it. And now, he’s going to leave you. “I know, Loki - I tried, Loki, I’m so sorry -“ 

The agony that wells up in you threatens to overwhelm your ability to speak, and you feel your knees buckle the second before you fall. Your kneecaps slam against the cupboard underneath the sink, your head hitting the edge of the counter as you slide down hard to the floor. It hurts. But every part of your body hurts, these days. It’s as constant as your worthlessness. And something else, too - 

He is there, on the floor with you, in less time than it takes place to blink, pulling you hard and desperate into his arms; you don’t understand why, and you try to wrench yourself from him, sobs bubbling up and spilling out from your tightly shut eyes. You can feel the bruises starting to form on you, a lump throbbing at your temple. 

“Love,” He is saying, “Y/N, sweetheart, come back to me. Come back to me, darling, please.” He is stroking your hair; you feel his fingers at its strands, thin and brittle. God, you think, how pathetic you are - you can’t even keep yourself pretty for him, for this god and all the sacrifices that he’s made. You cry harder, unable to stop your own wailing. When you finally do, you’re exhausted - it takes everything out of you. 

“Loki,” You say, on a wretched whine, “I’m so cold.” 

“Hush,” He says, “You’re alright. You’ll be warm soon - We’ll sort it, darling, I promise.” 

You don’t know how to tell him that it isn’t something you can sort, but somehow you know, deep in your heart, that Loki understands. Still, his voice is so sweet, and the shudders that wrack you begin to halt in the steady hold of his embrace; the tender brush of his fingers over your skin. You feel like you can look at him, now, so you do it, sucking your bottom lip into your teeth to steel yourself for the cruel things you’re certain he’ll start with. But Loki’s gaze isn’t angry at you, not full of fury or disgust. They sparkle with unshed tears and concern, emerald in the daylight. It takes you a moment too long to realize all that pain, all that worry, is for you; when you do, though, you flinch away. Feel Loki’s fingers drop from your hairline to your cheek, then your chin, tilting your head up so that you can’t run and hide. 

“I’m losing you, love,” Loki says. His voice is low, and steeped in sorrow. It is his turn to look down, with guilt and shame, and you feel a pang blossom, raw and red, in your heart. He sighs, and straightens his shoulders. He is filled with some new resolution, some new determination you can’t wince away from. 

“I need to know,” Loki tells you, “How long this has been going on. I need to - I need you to tell me why, love. I can’t bear to see you like this.” 

“I can’t,” You say, blinking back a fresh torrent of tears, “Tell you why. It’s not - I can’t - I don’t know.” 

But you know, and Loki does, too. It’s the god of lies, holding you - of course he can tell that you’re lying. It is something other, and runs deep, this bone-y reluctance. A complex game of mental gymnastics. How could you ever tell Loki about the control that it gives you, the desperation with which you used all your calorie-counting and aching restraint to regain the love that you lost? The nights bent over toilet bowls; the way that, sometimes, you empty stomach made you dig your nails hard into your palms ’til they bled, to stop yourself from crying out at the pain. And he loves you - the part of you that craves his affection, that yearns to burrow fast and fierce into Loki’s embrace and spill all your secrets to him, makes sure to remind you of that.

“Y/N,” Says Loki, soft and tender, yet infused with a note so harsh that you would wince, if you could. “You can tell me anything. You need to.” 

You notice things, now, in the face of his determination. You notice that Loki is looking at you like he’s in physical pain, and that there’s something sticky and red on the pads of the fingers that brushed up against your head. 

“I’m bleeding,” You say. It comes out soft, horrified. 

The frown that creases Loki’s face would bring you to your knees, if you weren’t there already. 

“It’s just - a thing that I do,” You tell him, too ashamed to look at his face as you reveal it. “You don’t have to worry about it.” 

“That’s not enough for me, love.” 

Loki’s lips are pursed tight, and the wound in his eyes has hardened to steel. The you part of your body - the fleeing part, the one who knows how to survive - seizes its’ chance and you duck out of his embrace, with far more strength than you had possessed in what felt like, potentially, years. Scrambles, backwards, like a cornered animal, over the tile floor, before heaving itself up to standing. It faces Loki, and its’ breath comes in stabbing-sharp. It is hard to remember that you have to call it ‘myself’. You feel older than you were, yesterday, and you cannot, quite, get air to come into your lungs. That’s not enough for me, you hear your lover say, ringing in your ears like a hyena’s howl. 

You’re not enough for me, love. Your fingers spasm, clutching the sides of the kitchen table white-knuckled. You wonder, fleetingly, what Loki would do if you died. The thought makes you cry out in pain, a whimper ripping out from a throat rubbed fingernail-raw, but Loki does not move to stand. 

“Come back to me,” He tells you, spiked with sorrow and need. And, perhaps for the first time, you admit it - to yourself, as much as to him. 

“I don’t - I don’t think I know how.” 

He smiles the smiole of someone who’s seen his own pain, faced his own lashing demons, and you pause to take him in fully, this god who says that he loves you, the man he is trying to be. You catch on hixs eyes, those bright emerald coins, his hair like the feathers of crows. His high, pale cheekbones, and his silver-tongue cut like glass. The pads of his fingertips, slender and cold, tender and fierce on your skin or the hilt of a dagger. You breathe in the smell of him, parchment and iron; peppermint tea and the smoke from a lorn, crimson fire. Wet leaves, after a rain. You feel your resolve start to waver. 

“Well,” He says, all thoughtful, all trickster, “Sitting down, I believe, would be a good place to begin.” 

The teasing lilt of his voice - an act that he is putting on, and all for you, always for you - cajoles you, coaxing you to lever your elbows and slide back down onto the floor, your weary legs feeling unimaginably grateful. Loki shoots you a new smile now, light and proud. He beckons you, with a cock of his head and a slim, fond gesture, to him - Of a sudden, the tiles beneath you seem like a desert, an ocean. You feel the weight of your emptiness. It laughs at you, its’ white teeth filed and barred. In your head, your failure is heavy; a hot and cackling creature with seven-foot claws pressing down on your chest, restricting your matchstick limbs. You are lost to the unyielding insistence of it, trapped in the maw of its cage, and Loki’s words, when they come, sound as far away as the shores of a country ancient and foreign. 

“I was hardly gone,” He is saying, but you cannot answer him. “How could it have gotten this bad?” 

It is that - that sadness, that fear in your lover - that breaks you, and you take the thing at a clumsy, terror-steeped sprint, not caring how wretched you look, so long as you can reach him - So long, you finally let yourself think, as there is something left of you for Loki to hold in his arms. Your body hurts worse than anything. You feel every scrape and bruise and chill on it; the pins and knives working at oxygen-starved nerves, and the gnawing clamp of your hunger, a brand pressing into your gut; and you know that Loki can’t save you. But maybe, just maybe, you can find some way to save yourself. And his fingers are there, going up to your hair, thumb rubbing at a hollow cheek and catching the salty dirge of an errant tear. 

“It gets better, you know,” Loki tells you. He gets you onto his lap; you feel his heartbeat under your palms where you clutch tightly at his shirt to hold yourself up. A steady, thrumming proof that he is alive. And when he says it, you get the sense that, somehow, you’ve always know it, this whispered secret he’s weaving into your soul. “If you get proper help for it. If you want it to.” 

He speaks casually, but there is a weight to his words. Miraculously - you’re not quite so sure how - you find yourself able to meet them. 

“I want it to,” You tell him. “I didn’t, before - “ And here his eyes widen, and he shakes his head like you’ve shot him - “But I do. I want to -“ 

“Alright, love,” He tells you, running a soothing hand down over your side, past the hard planes of your collarbone, “Alright. It’s okay. You’re such a strong person- It’s going to be hard, for awhile, but I know that you can get through this. I’ll be right here with you, darling. Right here, by your side.” 

“You will?” You ask him, voice cracking, hardly daring to hope that despite all this, he would stay. He chuckles, sadly, as if your thinking it hurts him, and he is deadly serious when he tells you,

“Y/N, of course I will.” 

Somehow, though he’s the god of lies, you don’t doubt his words for an instant. You nod, and the nodding takes effort. Yet you are certain he understands what you mean. 

“So,” Says Loki, “Can you - Tell me about this?” 

You have to think, for a minute. Can you tell Loki about this? You know that he’s telling the truth, that he isn’t going to leave you. Still, you’ve never been this vulnerable with him before, not even in bed, and the fear in you won’t be put to rest so easily. You shake in his hold, and realize, with a frigid shock, how you must look to him - how badly you are hurting him, and how badly you’re hurting yourself, by keeping your feelings inside yourself and leaving your body to rot. You know, now, that Loki will  help you through this - that he will be there, kind touches skirting the bad days; warm, mischevious smirks smoothing the wrinkles of your persistent self-doubts. There was a time when you needed to do this - there will, probably, still be days when you feel like you need to do this, to get a firm hold over your life, and keep the jackals at bay. There are other words to keep yourself safe, though. Loki’s breath in the dark is more home to you than anything you’ve ever had, and his open waiting, here in the daylight, makes you brave enough to speak. 

“Maybe… Over lunch?” You offer. You bite your lip and hold out the query, a silky pearl in your hand. For one moment, Loki seems to consider; after all, he is the trickster, and a man not given to acting rashly, or stripping the drama from his complicated schemes. If this is a scheme, you think that you might forgive him - Later, when his lips are on your frame, when you’re there with him, again. His lips twitch into a grin so affectionate and proud that you know- you know - that if you seek proper care and really want to get better, you’ll get through the days that feel like walking on broken glass. You’ve done so much for me, that grin tells you. Let me do this for you.

He reaches out, and takes the pearl. You hardly recognize the man who rained hell down on New York, who snorts and jabs with sarcasm at every word that comes out of Iron Man’s mouth. 

“Breakfast?” He counters, shooting a pointed glance at the microwave clock. It is a dare and a promise - a challenge, but never a trick. It tastes like honey on your tongue. 

“Fine,” You say, “But you’ll have to cook.” Some kind of joy is creeping its way into you. Your voice, you find, barely trembles. 

“Midgardians,” Lok says, with an eye-roll - a friendly, loving glint in his eyes that refuses to fade. “Don’t tell me you’re one of those people who burns water.” The joke prods your tender, new understanding, reassures you that he is still Loki; that he isn’t going to treat you differently, like a child, just because you’re suffering. The smile comes full onto you, and you wriggle, stretching your arms over your head and yawning, exaggerated for effect to add to the banter. 

“I never said that I couldn’t cook,” You tell Loki, “Just wanted you to do it.” 

“Mm,” He says, “And what will you be doing, then, while I cook?” 

You chew at your lip, and choose to answer before your nerves make you panic. 

“Finding the right words,” You admit, laying the truth bare to him. 

His hands are wending through your hair now, and his lips are unberarably gentle on yours. He tastes like embers and ink. That sweet, slightly metalic tang that you’ve come to associate with his magic; cinnamon, tinged with steel. He kisses you for a second or two, before pulling away,  but you could live in those seconds - Unfold it, like a blanket, and let the care of it warm your thin, freezing bones, if Loki weren’t here to show you that, with the right help, you can learn how to do it yourself. 

“Finding the right words,” Loki muses, vaulting himself up to stand in a movement that’s unfairly graceful. “I’d much prefer yours, to be honest.” 

He holds a hand out, and you take it, letting him pull you up. The floor, underneath you, feels solid. The sun is coming through the clouds, and out there in the wide world you can hear bird-song, the low, sugared sway of the breeze. There is something else there, too: 

You let it wrap its tendrils around you, and you decide that it’s hope. 

[starr-fall-knight-rise]

HASO, “Patient 0″

I finally had a day where I was motivated to write something! :) yay, hopefully I am getting back into my stride. I hope you all enjoy!

Dr. Kell examined the brown soil before him, and the little red plants that sprouted up around it. There was definitely something important here, something that the others definitely didn’t know about. The thought made him almost giddy with anticipation as he took samples and began to bag them in little clear tubes with bright labels on the side.

He had been teaching for as long as he could remember, a geologist in the fourth city of the Vrul inner ring, and in all that time he had neer once received a commendation for his work. The thought made him bitter as he plunged the little digging tool into the soil for another sample. Years and years of hard work and not once had it ever been acknowledged. That was because the Vrul didn’t value teachers like they should. They only valued those people who made important discoveries. 

When he had originally approached the head of their college in an effort to remind him what kind of important work he did, sure that they had just forgotten, though the reaction he had received was one of derision and even derisive laughter.

You’re a teacher not a researcher. They don’t make medals for mediocrity.

The thought made his antenna tremor in absolute rage.

The nerve.

He was not mediocre.

Ok granted, everyone on this planet had a doctoral level knowledge of their specific field, but that didn’t mean that his contributions weren’t important! He had even heard rumors that he was being considered for termination! The thought scared him, and so he had gone out to do something no Vrul had ever done before.

He had walked out of the city wall and taken a transport out into the surrounding countryside.

It seemed strange, the wall was very thick, and the ground around it was shored up with concrete and a very thick foundation. 

 The outside of the wall was very smooth.

He knew that they kept the wall there to keep the wildlife out or something…. But as a geologist he knew that a wall twenty feet deep was a little bit overkill, and forty feet high? No known animal species on their planet was dangerous over about ten feet.

But he just rattled his antenna and kept going.

Bitter about his situation.

Not everyone could be some great genius about a subject, not everyone would have opportunities to do stupid irrational things. Not everyone was like the “legendary Dr. Krill” and his stupid and useless papers about humans. 

He huffed, yeah dr. Krill, some doctor. Mister SO important that the council had a termination order out for him, and not for the same reason there was a termination order out for Kell. Apparently the population wasn’t ready for what Dr. Krill was spouting off, apparently it was TOO revolutionary, and threatened to change the social fabric of the Vrul nation.

Yeah right.

Like some paper on a two legged snot nosed carnivore was nearly as important as the study of the very earth beneath them.

It was ridiculous.

Outrageous.

He was the one who deserved some real recognition, and not that Dr. Krill.

He had seen the pompous little creature speak once at some sort of medical conference he had been forced to attend during his younger years, and he honestly thought the little creature was a self important, pompous little lecturer.

Yet no one else seemed to have seen it.

Everyone else was fascinated with his work, and though they thought his bravery was strange and overdone, they still admired him!

Yes, “admired” him, a complete and total nutcase braggart with an inflated sense of self importance, and the audacity to refuse his termination order, the nerve of him.

And now here he was standing under the hot sun of mid morning on dirt that no one had stood on in over a thousand years.

The council said that the city walls were for their protection, and no one ever questioned leaving their walls. It wasn’t illegal or anything but most Vrul had a survival instinct so intense it verged on cowardice. Generally he himself would be in that category, but his anger and obsession had driven him to take a step outside the city.

Looking at the ground, and examining the local wildlife, he honestly couldn't see why they had needed to build a city with such intense fortifications. The largest animal he saw was a surprisingly vrul-like creature with eight stumpy legs slowly trundling through the undergrowth.

WHen it made it to a nearby patch of sun, it opened up a large fan on it’s back and hunkered down to sit and soak in the radiation.

Nothing inherently scary.

He wasn’t even sure why the outside of the city had bothered him so much.

His confidence grew as he kept walking.

Maybe he would talk to the council about that at a later date, tell them about his time outside the cities and let them know how safe it was. Maybe then HE would be the one changing things, maybe then HIS name would be something important to be remembered. Imagine that, Dr. Krill, coming home and expecting the cities to be walled off, but instead find spreading metropolises like there were on his precious Earth, and not because KRILL said anything, but in fact, because Dr. Kell had been the only one brave enough to walk outside their own city walls.

Wouldn’t that be the ticket.

He stepped into a thicket of bushes and trees. They weren’t much taller than he was, about six feet in height maybe, but they still provided him with some shade as he worked. THey had large transparent orange orbs on the end of their branches, full to the brim with hydrogen. That was one thing that might be a little bit dangerous out here…. The trees had the potential to explode.

He would have to keep that in mind.

Still, the way the light filtered down through the orange orbs and fell on the ground below him was quite something to behold leaving behind a dazzling array of glowing orange spots to create an ethereal and delicate pattern over the little thicket floor.

Working here would be fine for the moment.

He set down his case of tools in a little clearing in the middle examining the dirt and placing it away in test tubes. The dirt was pretty cracked and rather dry, most of the planet’s water being stored in underground aqueducts which the Vrul had been smart enough to tap into. This was the equator of the planet after all, and their climate tended towards desert, though it wasn’t nearly as extreme as the Rundi home planet. He could see most of that from the dirt that he picked up, dirt that hadn’t seen water in a very long time.

Out of the corner of his eye he watched a few creatures pass outside his little thicket of trees, though they tended to avoid him, skirting around the edge of the trees and not daring to venture in.

He didn’t see himself as much of a threat to them, but he was glad anyway. The last thing he needed was an encounter with some kind of animal.

He moved his case, feeling the vibration over the ground as he did so.

He put a small slide under his travel microscope and found there to be an unusual amount of organic matter in the soil. Not in the way of worms or bugs or some other small creature but…. Animal matter it looked like. He couldn’t really distinguish what kind of creature it had been before it began decomposing but, there was something, strange about it. He took another sample of dirt, his little collection tool piercing through the top soil and sending a wave though the ground.

He looked at another sample.

That all seemed very strange. The ground her was very fertile, and surrounded in these strange trees, but for some reason, no trees were growing here? He couldn’t see why not, the seeds would generally fall here, and there was enough sunlight coming into the clearing  that it would be a perfect location for growing.

Overhead, a flock of kinlits took to the air squalling.

He heard a high pitched chirp, and turned to look as a few passing animals turned on their tails and ran off across the ground.

Dr. kell stared in confusion, not sure what to think.

And then the soil below him began to vibrate.

He looked down in shock and surprise stepping back from his work as the soil below him began to churn.

Fear overtook him, and he turned to go in the other direction, back to his transport, but no…. He needed his equipment.

He hurried forward and began to gather up his things as the ground before him continued to churn. 

And then that churning set off more rumbling and more churning right next to it, until the entire clearing was unstable. 

He tried to step away but as he did, something shot up out of the dirt and grabbed at his leg. He screamed high and shrill, dropping his case again, which thudded softly on the mulched earth.

He dragged his foot away from what looked like a hand!

The hand continued to wave and wille in the air, grasping for him, as it slowly emerged from the soil below.

He staggered back as, all around him, hands began bursting from the soil and into the air.

THe first hand that had appeared had now clawed its way far enough out that kell could see the joint of an elbow. The hand was grey and covered in dirt, and as kell watched, a shoulder broke through, followed by a head.

He was frozen in shock and fear at the tree line as the creature heaved itself from the dirt.

It…. it was a DELTA, or at least it looked like one, with four thick legs and a set of just two arms. The creature was big, almost a foot taller than he was and very heavy around the torso. It lurched forward over the ground it’s feet not used to walking. It lifted it’s head, and its eyes were a strange glassy white. Little yellow bulbs, like pockets of infection under its skin pulsed in the morning light.

It’s head turned and then stopped locked on to Dr. kell.

They stood there staring at each other for a long moment before it jolted forward, rushing towards him at incredible speed. Dr. Kell screamed, turned and ran. He had never ever tried to run a day in his life, and his legs soon got caught up in each other, he pitched to the ground listening to the thudding of scuttling feet behind him on the cracked earth. In a panic he inflated his helium sack, and shot into the air just as the creature reached for him.

He floated upwards but was stopped in the upper branches of the tree, maybe only nine feet into the air his feet dangling only two feet over the clutching fingers of the THING.

It’s grasping fingers clasped at his feet.

Kell continued to scream, though no one could hear him and those fingers still clasped at him. The creature did not speak, and the white overlay of its eyes made it clear the thing couldn't see either, but it knew exactly where he was.

Slowly a few more of its brethren began to filter in from the trees clustering together below Kell as his screamed and screamed, but then when his screaming intensified one of the creatures began trying to climb up the back of another. It’s fingertips brushed the bottom of his feet and he screamed even louder, clawing his way through the branches of the trees and towards the clearing where his communicator was.

If he could get back he could call for help.

Behind him the strange pile of creatures flopped back to the ground and slowly began to follow him through the trees.

He was almost to the clearing when.

Something snagged against his Helium sack.

There was a sharp pinprick of pain, and then.

He slowly began to sink.

Cold hands reached up for him as he flailed and kicked desperately trying to plug the hole that had been torn in his helium sack, but it was too late.

Hands clasped his feet and pulled him downwards. 

***

The Betas stood on the wall staring out at the open plane that ran for distant miles in every direction. Everyday they stood here from morning until night when their shift ended, and every day there was nothing to see. The Alphas thought it was ok to leave them up here in boredom, even despite them having cognitive abilities enough to do more meaningful tasks.

Most of them were bitter about it, but the Alphas were smarter than them, and had turned back every attempt at making some sort of fair arrangement.

So they were mostly negligent in their duties. 

It’s not like anything happened here anyway.

There was a visiting Alpha today, walking the walls with them. They were pretty sure this one was some kind of psychologist, and was likely looking for signs of mental distress in their demeanor. He was alright as far as Alpha’s went, he talked to them like they were intelligent beings and asked how they were, which is more than they expected from most visiting Alphas.

“Anything of note this morning?” The psychologist asked.

They shook their heads, “No, well accept for that professor.”

“Professor?”

Yeah, guy dropped down over the wall and took a transport into the middle of nowhere.”

“You didn’t stop him?”

“Leaving the city is ill advised but not illegal.” They pointed out, and the Alpha just nodded. It was a strange bodily expression, which demonstrated that this particular Vrul had spent some time with humans, how much time that had been was questionable, but they had still managed to rub off on him.

Humans tended to do that.

Looking out into the desert, the Alpha stopped, “hey, isn’t that him?”

The turned to look over the wall.

Well it did seem to be true, though he appeared to be walking rather than using the transport, and the couldnt be sure, but from this distance, it didn’t appear that he was carrying his case either.

How strange.

The alpha moved forward a little bit to watch him as he approached, perplexed and unsure what he was looking at.

Even the alphas could see that something was…. wrong . The way he moved was ungainly almost disjointed, and he stumbled from side to side in a manner of confusion. As he got closer, they noted the clear fluid glistening on his shoulders.

The Vrul equivalent to blood.

Sweet Nebulon the Alpha said, and then inflated his Helium sack, floating over the side of the wall and slowly lowering himself to the ground to intercept the staggering form.

He grabbed the doctor by the shoulders, “Dr. kell, are you alright, Dr. Kell?”

The head jerked up, and Dr. Kell stared at him with glassy and confused eyes. Looking up the psychologist watched as five more forms appeared on the horizon. Something about them seemed very wrong.

“HELP US UP.” He ordered, and a small platform was lowered down to them. He hurried the catatonic Dr. Kell onto the platform and they rose into the air just as the forms solidified themselves on the horizon.

Dark grey, glass white eyes, and the lumbering forms of Deltas.

“What in the hell.” The psychologist muttered not noticing his use of the human language as the creatures clustered at the base of the wall looking up towards them with wide white eyes.

“What the hell are those things.”

“I don’t know.” he said, “But call for a doctor, and an isolation unit.” He stepped back from Dr. Kell who stood wobbly at the center of the platform staring out into space with glassy eyes.

***

“What did I tell you!”

“I know-”

“What did I tell you!”

“I know, I know, but in my defence, it was an underwater plant.”

“It WaS aN UndERwAteR PlaNt.” 

Krill looked up at the Admiral with an expression of derision and scolding, “Have you BEEN to EARTh at any point, sea urchins, coral reefs, poisonous fish, what made you think that touching an UNDERWATER alien plant was going to be any different. You big, stupid idiot! 

The big stupid idiot in question just sighed and gave up on his argument. He wasn’t going to win this one and he knew it. Krill turned back town to the human’s swollen hand, skin stretched glistening and red over joints that had swelled up to twice their normal size. Looked like some sort of contact allergic reaction, and luckily it hadn’t spread to the human’s body while he was underwater.

The sheer stupidity.

Though a  little medicine would do him just fine.

He pulled up the sleeve of the human’s shirt and depressed the plunger on the syringe with great malice.

The human winced, but krill thought it was only fair.

“You moron.” He muttered

Admiral Vir rubbed his arm with his good hand, “Ouch, vicious little creature.”

From where she leaned against the wall, Sunny looking up from examining her knife, “You are kind of an idiot.”

“Thank you Sunny, that is very helpful of you.” he muttered

Krill turned back and was about to finish with his lecture, when there was a sudden pinging on his implant. He had gotten one only a few months ago, and had found it to be relativity more convenient than taking calls in his office.

He held up a hand to the other two as he took the call.

“Dr. Krill here.”

“The council requests your presence urgently.”

Krill frowned, “I do not deal with the council. You know how I feel about my termination order.

“Your termination order has been dissolved. We need our help immediately. Bring the humans.”

“Bring the humans?” He was a bit shocked at that,. The council was not particularly a great fan of humans, but this seemed rather serious, and he knew if anything were to happen to him they would have hell to pay.

And they weren’t that stupid.

He turned to look at the other two who stared at him very curious.

“Admiral, I think the Vrul homeworld is in need of our help.”

The Admiral nodded and stood holding his swollen hand to his chest, “Very well, i will go make the roder.”

Krill nodded and watched him go.

He wondered what this could be all about.

[sarahjtv]

BNHA Chapter 306 Spoilers Quick Thoughts: Holy Shit, Deku

Ok, I’ve decided to wait until I read the ReadMHA fan translations to make a full “Spoiler Thoughts” post because it’s easier for me to look at them than look back and fourth at various Twitter accounts to get the full picture.  Regarless, THIS CHAPTER OH MY GOD!!!!!!!  I haven’t been this antsy for leak images since the “Dabi is Touya Todoroki” reveal.  I wanted to write this last night, but I was already in bed crying and screaming my head off that I couldn’t.  Now that I have most of it processed, I need to write down some quick thoughts at least to get some stuff out:

First of all, I need to address THE BALLS ON HORIKOSHI-SENSEI FOR PULLING THIS SHIT OUT ON US AND MAKING IT WORK SWEET JESUS I DID NOT SEE THIS COMING AT ALL!!!!!!  THIS MAN BAITED US WITH THE 2ND AND 3RD ONE FOR ALL USERS AND MAYBE SOME THERAPY FOR OUR KIDS BUT NOPE!  HE JUST PULLED THE RUG UNDER ALL OF US AND THEN MADE DEKU LEAVE UA AND GO ALL VIGILANTE ON OUR ASSES!!!!!  I HATE IT HERE BUT I ALSO LOVE IT HERE I-

Second of all, the big topic that we all need to talk about: Deku leaving UA and everyone else to go off on his own.

Out of all the twist Horikoshi has pulled on us, I think this is the biggest and most unexpected one.  I honestly did think that some UA students would quit trying to be Pro Heroes after the war because of how much corruption and trauma has been brought to the surface.  But, Deku was one of the last people on my mind.  Out of all the characters in this series, I would think Deku would stay and prove to everyone that it’s ok to keep striving towards being a hero.  But, no...  He still wants to be a hero, but not the way any of us expected.  

Before Deku left, he wrote and left individual letter for every one of his fellow 1-A students (and hopefully his mom, All Might, Mirio, and Eri (OH, ERI ;~;)).  In it, he tells them the truth about One For All and why Shigaraki and All For One are after him.  Of course, all the kids are devastated.  What’s interesting to me is that we didn’t get reactions from everyone, it was mainly Uraraka.  This makes me wonder a few things:

1. If Deku wrote these out individually (his arms probably mostly healed at this point b/c he’s using them in the last page), I wonder if he wrote anything special for some of them.  Especially the people he’s close to.  Like, I need to know what he wrote to Iida, to Uraraka, to Inko, to All Might, TO SHOTO, TO BAKUGO.

2. WE DON’T GET TO SEE SHOTO’S AND BAKUGO’S REACTIONS TO DEKU LEAVING THEM AND I NEED TO SEE THEM NOW!  I DON’T CARE HOW SAD AND ANGSTY IT WILL BE I NEED TO SEE THEM!  I WANT TO SEE SHOTO BE A LITTLE BETRAYED BY THE LYING BUT ALSO COME TO AN UNDERSTANDING THAT DEKU DID THIS TO KEEP EVERYONE SAFE!  I NEED TO SEE BAKUGO WONDERING WHERE HIS DAMN NERD WENT AND MAYBE TRY TO FIND HIM BECAUSE HE WAS THE ONLY OTHER STUDENT WHO KNEW ABOUT OFA!  I KNOW I’M SCREAMING BUT AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!!

The final panel takes place in April, about a month after the war started and ended.  We weren’t given a specific timeline in when exactly Deku left UA, but it’s somewhere within that month.  So, does this mean he’s been on his own for nearly a month?  What has he been doing this entire time?

And that final double-page spread...  Good lord almighty.  It shows Deku standing on top of a building looking down at a villain attacking the city.  He’s in his hero costume but it’s all ripped up and worn out (probably what remains of it after the war arc.  I noticed his air gauntlets and arm bracers are gone too after looking at Deku again.  He still has his iron soles for his Shoot Style though).  He has his backpack on him and what looks like the rest of Gran Torino’s cape.  It hasn’t been confirmed if Gran Torino is alive or dead if Deku took his cape, but I can only assume he died based on Deku’s sad face and that there’s honestly no way Torino survived his injuries I’m sorry.  I’d be shocked if he were alive at this point.

And the last panel...  Deku looks so tired.  The light in his eyes is just gone as he says “A big villain” while looking out at the city.  Bringing us back to Chapter 1 of BNHA where one of Deku’s first pieces of dialogue was “A big villain!” while watching it rampage in the middle of the city.  Everything’s come full circle it seems and in the most depressing way possible.  I feel so bad for Deku.  He’s only 16 and even though his will to be a hero is still strong, I feel like a part of him has died honestly.  That childlike hope and innocence he’s shown since the very beginning doesn’t look to be there anymore.  My boy’s exhausted, Horikoshi, please give him a break.  And give yourself one too.

I wonder, if Deku is still doing hero work, but isn’t at UA anymore, does this mean he’s a vigilante?  I know he has his Provisional License, but does that thing even work if you’re not enrolled in the Hero Program you went to?  Because if it doesn’t, then Deku has technically gone full vigilante.  He looks like he’s about to put his bunny mask on in that last panel actually.  His current state of his costume screams vigilante to me even.  I’m really interested in seeing what Deku’s been doing and what he’s going to do now.  We know he left UA to protect everyone he cares about (because OFA is like a beacon to AFO now), but how long is he going to keep this up?  Is he going to run into Bakugo or anyone else in the meantime?  Is he going to run into the vigilantes from the BNHA Spin-off manga (Koichi, Pop-Step, Knuckleduster) or other vigilantes?  Is he ever going to see his friends and mom again?  Will any of our UA kids drop out of the hero course too?  I have so many questions, guys.  I want to go back to high school shenanigans, but that’s clearly not happening soon.     

Finally, the chapter appears to be titled “The Beginning of The End” or “Opening of Final Chapter”.  Ngl, I legit thought that this meant that the series was really ending like Horikoshi talked about in his last interview.  I took that with a grain of salt, but I don’t know anymore.  This could mean an end to the whole “Academia” part of the story.  We might get a big time-skip like Naruto, One Piece, Haikyuu, and a lot of other manga did before it.  I kinda don’t want this to happen because I like seeing characters grow in chronological order and Horikoshi-sensei has been pretty good at twisting the usual tropes, but I don’t know this time guys.  The chapter ends on a good spot to do a big time-skip if Horikoshi wants.  But, honestly, everything’s up in the air right now.  I have so many theories in my head right now about what might happen next.  This is truly some peak fiction though like goddamn.  I really hope this doesn’t mean that we’re reaching the final arc of the series, but if Horikoshi want it to be, then I have no choice but to respect that.  I really hope it isn’t though.

Me after the insanity that was this chapter:  

[rohondra]

Firsts || Izuku Midoriya

a/n: this is for another bnharem discord collab!! the prompt was “Pen Pals”. I’m pretty content with how this came out and I’m super excited to write a bit more considering I got a computer!! I’m hoping to do a pt2 hehe. god bless the people in my haikyuu server who swooped in and saved the day every time I had a brain far. 

rating: n*fw 18+

word count: just over 2k

warnings: virgin!Reader, daddy kink yes again ok I have a problem, FaceTime sex, mutual masturbation, big buff Izuku

all characters are aged up when I write and I take no credit for the images I post w said writings unless stated otherwise.

PLEASE CHECK OUT EVERYONES AMAZING FICS FOR THIS COLLAB!!!

A notification from the S.H.I.E.L.D. Field Office Discord server you were a part of popped up on your phone. It was an announcement that they would be randomly selecting pen pals as an event to get people more connected during this pandemic, of course you had the option to opt out, but the idea of doing something so “risky” excited you. You held your breath and reacted with a thumbs up, butterflies instantly flooding your stomach.

Just under an hour later one of the admins sent you a pm;

-Hey! Thanks so much for joining our penpals event. Social distancing is a pain in the ass, but hopefully this will lighten your spirits! We paired you with @/izuku#2485. Xx

Being the nosy son of a bitch you were, you immediately typed his user into the server and checked his activity within it- specifically the “#pictures” channel, but found nothing. Just as you were about to send him a friend request, you got a notification of another pm.. Oddly enough from him;

-Hi, we got paired for the penpal event! It’s okay if you don’t want to send your address to a complete stranger, I get it haha.

The butterflies returned as you pressed the request button, and immediately saw it change from “pending” to “send message”.

~Hi! If I’m honest it’s just my college address lol, nothing too risky.

-College huh? Me too. I was afraid you were going to end up being a minor and then I’d feel kind of weird ha. What school?

~Do not fear, I am in fact legal. Even if it is by 8 months lol. ASU! Yourself?

-Arizona huh? Interesting, I’m actually finishing my senior year at Iowa State.

Your stomach flipped, anxiety coursing through your veins at the last message. Senior?! What if this guy was like, 40?? No, it couldn’t be. He wouldn’t be living on campus at that age.. But he never specified he was living in a dorm. You closed Discord and moved onto what seemed to be the never ending flood of assignments, two of which were due that night.

A notification popped up on your computer mid essay;

-Don’t wanna be pushy. Here’s my address if you decide to write me.(:

You chewed at your bottom lip, weighing the consequences. It couldn’t be that bad of an idea right? He seemed nice, not pervy at all.. Fuck it.

“Hello! It’s your good old pal from the Marvel server. If I'm honest I'm not that good at these things, haha. This letter will be pretty short, but tell me- who’s your favorite Marvel character? Feel free to gush! I’m looking forward to hearing back from you.

From,

Y/N”

-

Two weeks later your RA slipped the envelope under your door, “MAIL!!!” she yelled before hurrying to the next room to deliver. Your heart fluttered as you opened it, admiring his clean handwriting;

“Hi. Alls good, I’m pretty awkward myself ha. My name is Izuku Midoriya! My friends call me Deku. Y/N is a nice name.

Honestly, it’s kind of cliche but Captain America has to be my favorite. I’m a bit of a Marvel junkie. I’ve seen every movie, have the entire Captain America comic series, own a Marvel Encyclopedia, plus almost every Marvel funko pop they’ve released.. Now that I think of it I’m definitely more than “a bit” obsessed ha. How about you? If it’s easier for you, you could just message me on discord.

-Izuku”

You giggled as you opened the app on your phone.

~Hi! I just got your letter. Seems to me you’re DEFINITELY obsessed lol but that’s okay, me too. I’m obsessed with Captain America. Chris Evans? *cheff kiss*”

-Hey. That’s so funny! I aspire to look like him one day haha. Taking it one day at a time, but this pandemic is making it difficult rip. You wanna add me on snapchat? I probably came off as some creepy perv ha. @/deku_zuku.”

From that point on, you two became OBSESSED with each other. Deku was an extremely gorgeous, freckled man with colored, fluffy green hair. You thought your sleep schedule was already fucked because of the pandemic? Sike, now it really was. You were staying up until 5am snapchatting him, interacting with him on discord, texting him, etc. You just couldn’t get enough of each other.

Your favorite snapchats from him were his post workout selfies. You loved the way his skin glistened, his muscular body littered in scars and freckles. More often than not you screenshot them and definitely got off to them, but you could never tell him that. It was embarassing to think about how most nights you laid in bed pumping a dildo inside of yourself desperately calling his name, imagining it was him fucking your tight virgin pussy.

As you were getting lost in imagining scenarios your phone began ringing, oh fuck he was FaceTimeing you.

You quickly sat up, tucking a piece of hair behind your ear and setting your phone against a book for support before answering.

“H-hi! Sorry I wasn’t expecting you to FaceTime me ha.”

Izuku grinned ear to ear, “No I’m sorry! I should’ve asked first, but you look great so I mean.. No complaints from me with how you look.”

Red tinted your cheeks, “A-ah thank you. You’re pretty good looking yourself.”

Izuku’s eyes narrowed, “Did I catch you at uh- a bad time?”

You tilted your head in confusion, “No? I mean I was trying to catch up on some stuff but other than I wasn’t doing anything important.”

“Ha, that looks pretty important. You also look a little flushed.”

When your eyes followed his on your screen your cheeks immediately lit on fire and you shifted to cover the dildo you carelessly left on the parallel night stand.

“So that’s why you’ve been screenshotting my pictures huh? I never would’ve taken Y/n to be such a slut.” he smirked.

He could feel his cock begin weep at the sight, he couldn’t help but palm himself. What if you got off to him? Thinking about how your little moans might sound when they slip out of your mouth made his cock pulse, he wanted to make you moan. He wanted to be the reason you came undone.

You tried to defend yourself, slightly annoyed by the derogatory term he referred to you as, “I- no. It isn’t like th-”

He cut you off, his voice having dropped an octave, “It’s okay baby, tell me what you think about.. I wanna hear what gets you off with those pictures.”

Hands came up to cover your face, you felt like you were going to puke- this was too embarrassing. His screen went to “paused” and you heard shuffling from his end. Within seconds you received a picture of Izuku in the mirror, his large hand barely covering his erect penis and his shirt between his teeth. He chuckled, “How about now princess? What makes that pretty pussy tighten around your toy?”

Slick slipped from your previously abused cunt, he sounded so delicious and looked even more delicious. When you spoke, your voice came out as a squeak, “I-I uh, I can’t tell you! It’s embarrassing.” If you could light on fire, it would’ve already happened. In fact, you wish you could. If you’re lucky the entire dorm might catch ablaze as well so all evidence is ruined.

A deep chuckle echoed from your phone speaker, “Embarrassed? It’s not like you’re a blushing virgin baby.”

There was a pause as you lowered your hands, your nose scrunched from the humility and one eye shut, “.. And if I told you I was?”

Izuku felt his member pulse yet again, precum gliding from his slit. That almost sent him over the edge, there was no way someone as breathtaking as you hadn’t been with anyone. Fuck, he could take your innocence and ruin you for any other man. He could make you his own and have you milking his thick cock every night, screaming his name and begging for more.

A meak sigh pulled him from his fantasies as you spoke up, “Sorry if that makes me less appealing.” He was quick to follow up, “N-no. God no. That,” he sighed,” fuck that’s honestly hot.”

Boldness coursed through him as his hand lazily pumped his shaft, “That just means I can be all your firsts.. Here, give me a minute.”

Your heart sank for a minute when the FaceTime ended, but fluttered once again when another call from him came through. This time though, it was from his laptop. He smirked before rolling back in his computer chair, his cock twitching against his stomach anxious for attention.

Desire burnt within him at the sight of you, eyebrows raised and eyes enlarged with pupils blown while you licked your lips. Izuku couldn’t help as his hand encircled his shaft once again, “What is it you think about baby? Me kissing and licking all over your body? My fingers pumping in and out of you while my tongue plays with your nipple?” He began a generous pace of pumping himself before his next taunt, “Maybe my tongue playing with your clit?”

A soft moan fell from your lips as you nodded, “A-all of that. ‘Zuku c-can I please touch myself?” You gasped as you watched precum flow from his tip at your words. He nodded, “Please do.”

You sat back, lifting your hips just enough to slip your panties off, nervously looking at him. All caution was thrown to the wind when Izuku groaned, “Ah, be a good girl for me baby.”

You made sure your full body was in view before grabbing the toy and lowering it between your thighs, which were now covered in a thin layer of your arousal. Squeezing your eyes shut you opened your legs and gently pushed until the dildo was fully sheathed inside of you.

Opening your eyes you were greeted with the most sinful sight, Izuku Midoriya quickly gliding his hand up and down his cock with his chest heaving, his body sheen with sweat.  You let a high pitched moan, your name resonating slowly from his chest. With every thrust your wrist made, a coil began to form inside your belly, it all seemed so familiar but was far more exhilarating knowing that someone else was watching.

“Just think about when that’ll be my cock splitting you in half. Shit- close your eyes for me, start playing with your clit and imagine it's me.” You nodded in response, unable to form words.

Obeying his command, it felt like electricity struck you when your finger made contact. The coil was now fully formed and threatened to burst with every movement.

“I need to cum, p-please.”

“Yeah? Only if you beg for daddy to let you.” He smirked as he watched your thighs tense for a moment.

“A-ah.. please! Please let me finish. Please d-daddy, need to so bad.”

Izuku felt his orgasm quickly approaching with each shaky word spilling from your beautiful lips, “Yeah baby, you can cum now. Let me see the pretty faces you make.”

SNAP

You were gone, your body lost to the ocean of ecstacy ripping through you as you rode the waves of your release.

He sat forward, studying the way your face contorted and how your cunt sucked the toy in as far as possible. The thought of you milking the absolute hell out of his cock sent him over the edge, head thrown back with spurts of cum covering his beautifully toned chest and stomach.

Eyes twitched trying to focus from the intensity of your orgasm as you came down from euphoria.

As Izuku  began cleaning himself off he spoke up, “So you’ve genuinely never done that kind of stuff before?” You shook your head before sitting up to sling a large t-shirt over your body, “Nope, when I said I was a virgin I mean like V I R G I N.”

He shook his head and chuckled, “Crazy. I have some assignments I need to do, if you want you could keep me company?”

You pulled a pillow under your chin and hugged it.  “I have some work to do too, so I guess that’ll work.” You giggled. He twirled a pen between his fingers before bringing it up to chew on, “And once we call it quits for the evening, how about we check off some more ‘firsts’ for you?”

[nayarablueglasses]

Duo x male reader

a/n: oh gods this is so. anyways this was meant for day thirteen of the @gundam-wing-pride event but certain circumstances have caused me to be unable to post in time for it. the tears prompt was kept in mind for this, i hope it suffices.

word count: 2,059

summary: horrific battles never made you cry, so how did a joke from Duo manage to do it?

warnings: reader is in an active war at first, brief mentions of reader becoming deaf to loud sounds after the battle, reader has a very dry way of thinking, i haven't seen the entirety of the show in ages so i think my timeline is a little messed up

reader pronouns: he/him but comes off as gn

How’d you end up here?

You’d woken up to the extremely jarring sounds of the space station’s evacuation alarms. Considering the immediate panicking masses of people that then flooded the streets, it wasn’t the best way to wake up. Especially when you factor in that your first evacuation drill since the ‘safe space’ had been rebuilt, relocated and refortified was supposed to happen next week. Though to be fair, there were absolutely no signs that you knew of that would signal a a war erupting on your colony.

Honestly? You never were impressed by the Gundams. All you knew about them was that they were starting a war with what a few of the colonies had begun to call the “colony rebels.” The White Fang. Maybe the White Fang had started the war, but you could care less. No matter who’d started this, the colonies- your colony- was caught in the crossfires now.

And it wasn’t like you could trust the Gundams, either. It wasn’t that long ago that Gundam Pilot 04 almost blew up an entire colony because their father had been killed. If that was how the Gundams handled personal loss, your colony could only speculate on the ways they’d deal with the political difficulties of a war. And unsurprisingly, it turned out that they handled it absolutely terribly.

The scariest part was the absolute absurdness of the whole war. Two sides that claimed to speak for the colonies. The White Fang pressed attention on the colonies, while the Gundams remained an absolute mystery. Plus, the individual power struggles claiming the colonies, the Treize Faction war against Oz that was reportedly occuring back on Earth... everybody was misinformed about absolutely all of it, and the best you could do was try to make sense of the chaos unfolding and hope it never touched your poor colony.

But wishes don’t always come true. And certainly never the wishes you make.

Like the wish you’d been repeating back to yourself for the last hour- to be able to come out of this unscathed. Your arm had some thoughts on that.

As it turns out, trying to run through an active warzone to the safe space you didn’t know the location of was extremely dangerous. So dangerous that your arm had been hit with a stray bullet. Right now the main dangers were the footsoldiers firing at each other, but not that far off in the distance you could see two of the Gundams fighting a swarm of Taruses. The fact that they weren’t close was anything but comforting, since you’d seen the speed of the Gundams before on T.V.

Oh.

“Hey- get outta the way! Ya try’na get killed?” A White Fang footsoldier shoved you to the side, presumably trying to help. Instead you stumbled facedown into a very large pile of scrap metal. Which very much hurt your arm and effectively trapped your leg as well.

Fun. “The fuck kinda horror movie is this?” You muttered to yourself. Of course, of course you ran directly into the fray. Because of COURSE that was safer than the opposite direction (which in all fairness had been covered in sharp-looking rubble). That’s fine. You could work with this. What did your uncle usually tell you- take inventory in terms of crises?

You hadn’t brought a backpack with you, so, all you could take inventory on was what was in your pockets. One elastic, a single outdated coin, and fuzz. Plus, a bleeding arm and the bullet you figured was still in there, a possibly twisted and hopefully not broken foot, ringing in your ears... and the clothes on your back. Ok.

So this is how you die? Fine. That’s fucking fine. You had plenty to live for, but fine. Who cares?

“Woah-hoh, what the hell? Hey- hey handsome, you awake?”

A very neon green light pierced your consciousness. Out of habit, you tried to raise your arm to block it out- and then an even more painful, piercing feeling jolted through your whole body. “Ahh-huah- ‘m. ‘m awake now. Ohhh gods. Yeah. ‘m- yeah. Fuck. Who’re you and are you going to help me or kill me?”

“Kill you? Man, I might be the god of Death and all but I’m not going to kill you! You related to Heero or somethin’?”

“Don’t know- ow- who the fuck that is. What’s up with that green light shit> ‘M gonna be blinded if I open my eyes.”

And there the light went. Nice. If this guy didn’t kill you, you might actually survive. Sans your arm. Nobody on your colony could help your arm. You figured that life would be interesting from now on. “Great, thanks man. Fuuuuck. You- you see my arm? Yeah- I’m taking your silence as a yeah. This bitch’s fucked and moving at all is very very painful. So hey random stranger. You strong enough to carry me to the nearest amputator?”

Apparently you were just being dramatic. Your arm would 100% be still attached and your foot would survive. Your ears were… fine. After waking up in a hospital on an entirely different colony station, you learned that apparently, there exists a kind of deaf in which it was hard to hear things that were too loud. Which. You now had.

No more concerts. Meh.

The most jarring of everything was when you discovered that a) you were likely to have either trauma or ptsd and b) the guy that carried you to the hospital in his Gundam- was a Gundam Pilot. 02. Duo Maxwell. He’d brought you to Colony 14 Blue and was now reportedly “chillin’ outside until you get discharged.” with the promise that he’d bring you to the Peacemillion afterwards.

Oh. And almost everybody you knew closely had “likely” passed away in the attack. The therapy for that was going to be interesting when you consider that nobody of your family was on the colony at the time of the attack. Honestly the way they were pressing for you to be evaled made it feel like they were planning to make an example out of your supposedly poor mental state. Unsurprisingly the hospital was being run by the White Fang.

Discharge went quickly. The ride back to Duo’s Deathscythe went quickly. The ride in Duo’s Deathscythe went far, far too slowly. And adjusting to life on the Peacemillion went poorly.

Every now and again, Duo would look for you and, if he hadn’t immediately come from a fight (he passed out on your carpet once due to blood loss after being in a gunfight. Zechs was less than appreciative.), he’d bring you to the nearest colony. Being able to enjoy a day out on occasion was a rarity you usually only got to experience with Duo.

“Ooooi, Duo. Check these out. Tell me these aren’t the coolest gloves you’ve ever seen.” You held up some black fingerless gloves for him to inspect. He’d brought you to a new colony, where apparently a special holiday (complete with fun sales) was happening. Admittedly, some of the people on this station were giving you and Duo some especially strange looks whenever Duo would tug on your shirt or grab your hand to get your attention but like. Fuck them.

“Hey, those look pretty awesome!” he grinned and bounced over, snatching the gloves from your hands to look for a price tag. “To steal or not to steal, that is the question.”

You raised an eyebrow. So maybe the crush you’d developed on this overgrown child of a thief was growing. So what? It’s just a crush. Everything’s going to be fine. “Is the price tag expensive or something?”

Duo shook his head. “Exact opposite. There isn’t one.”

“Let’s just leave ten gilla and bolt, then.”

“...wicked.”

Normally the rides back home were silent and awkward, but after the rather exciting day you’d had, you were feeling especially chatty. Which wasn’t to say that there weren’t still awkward breaks in the conversation. It was quiet, sure, but a lot of things had been quiet lately. Being deaf to louder things tended to do that to a person.

Duo drew you out of your thoughts with another tug on your sleeve and pressed one of the gloves into your hand. “Here. Figured we’d both look badass with just one glove. Plus we match!” He held up his gloved left hand with an air of confidence. He wasn’t wrong, honestly. Wearing his braid the way he did, he already cut an impressive figure, but the gloves really sold the look.

You pulled on the glove he gave you, flexing your fingers to test it’s flexibility. After all, if you couldn’t engage in you and Duo’s elaborate handshake, you might have to ditch the glove altogether. Luckily the glove fit you well- functionality and style alike. Ten gilla spent well.

“Not bad. Y’think Zechs’ll get jealous?” Duo laughed at the idea.

“Doubtful, doesn’t he have Noin to get him cool stuff? Plus, I think his mask and that hair are defining accessories, what else does he need?”

You shrugged. “What gay wouldn’t love these? ‘M already enjoying mine ‘nd yours look more worn in than mine do. Solid fuckin’ proof right there.” Not like you could confirm or deny that Duo was gay. Honestly, you didn’t really care for his specific labels, but Zechs was definitely gay so it just helped further the joke. With his demeanor and his lesbian best friend? Could the flags get any gayer.

“More like pansexual on my account. Good to know your take on gender preference though. This mean I’m allowed to openly flirt with you now?” He leaned back into his seat, throwing his feet up onto the table in front of you and resting his head in his hands.

You raised an eyebrow. “Only if you promise not to ‘no homo’ me afterwards.” Duo pretended to fall backwards, clutching at the nonexistent pearls and acting offended. You two giggled when Sally came in from the cockpit to assure herself that somebody hadn’t just gotten a concussion. To which Duo immediately pretended to have a head wound of some sorts (you suspected he was being purposely vague) in hopes of attaining the candy that Sally sometimes had on hand.

Once she left (leaving you and Duo with strong warnings against fooling around more, lest Duo’s “head injury” get worse; to which you had saluted and replied, “absolutely no promises, ma’am!”) you shared a look with the brunette and tried to keep from dissolving into a fit of laughter. To your chagrin, it was a fail. You were laughing so hard that your stomach was starting to genuinely hurt. Duo was doubled over on the ground, wheezing unintelligible words and trying to hand you the lollipop that Sally gave him.

By the time you had managed to calm down and breathe, Duo was getting into the chair beside you and clutching his side. “I think I pulled a muscle from laughing so hard.”

“Yeesh, ‘m crying from laughin’ so much. Aah, this is what y’do to me.” You joked, wiping away tears from the corners of your eyes.

“Y’know, I don’t think I’ve ever seen you cry before,” Duo paused to think. “like, at all! Now that I think about it, didja even cry when I rescued you?” You shrugged again. The battlefield was pretty terrifying and if you hadn’t found it in you to cry from fear… well, you were feeling a lot of emotions during the whole ordeal. Who could really blame you? “Pretty tough that a fuckin battle didn’t even make you cry. Hey- my bit musta been pretty damn good to make you shed a tear!”

“Yeah, don’t let it get to y’head. ‘S just because ‘m crushin on you.” You mentioned casually, testing the waters.

“Full homo?”

“Full homo.”

Well, would you look at that. Now Duo was crying. What was with you two and tears today?

BONUS:

“You’re so cheesy.” You muttered to Duo, who was proudly holding up your guys’s fingerless gloves- which he had sewn a rainbow patch onto the back of.

He smiled, tugging your glove onto your hand. “Mhm. You love it though.”

Sighing, you returned the favour and pulled his glove onto his right hand. “You’re right. I love it. I love you.”

[all works found under the name "nayarablueglasses" are property of nayarablueglasses. please do not repost, claim as your own, or edit. i do not consent for my works to be part of any social media other then tumblr, including having my works be adapted for asmrs.]

[sleepless-stories]

A Call For Help |7

Chapter 1 Chapter 2 Chapter 3 Chapter 4 Chapter 5 Chapter 6

Summary: Logan stays home and rests, Roman talks to a friend about Logan’s secret boyfriend, Virgil gets a visit from someone and has to help him to protect his friends

________________

Logan spent the day mostly in bed still, just healing, and honestly glad for the time to read the rest of his current book series. He only left once going off to the doctors to get examined. 

Roman kept an eye on Logan for the most part, other than when he was busy and left to do something. He made sure Logan wasn’t hurting himself. 

_____

Roman went out of the house at one point in the day going off to get some coffee, leaving Logan alone home. 

He went across town to a specific cafe where he knew someone who owned it. He went inside smiling seeing the bubbly barista.

“Roman! Haven’t seen you in a day or two!” The barista smiled.

Roman walked over leaning on the counter, “Hello Patton. Yeah it’s been hectic, my roommate got hurt, keeps sneaking out instead of recovering, and apparently has a secret boyfriend.” he laughed. 

“Wow, sounds like a lot!”

“Yeah, it is… Could I have my usual?”

“Coming right up! So tell me about your roommate’s secret boyfriend!”

“Well… when I came in he was hiding in the closet, I’ve never seen him before in my life… also pretty sure he was bleeding.”

“Awwwww he came to his boyfriend for help. That’s sweet.” “I also interrogated him this morning and may have scared him off… Lo was mad at me.”

“Eh makes sense.” Patton shrugged, putting the coffee on the counter and taking the money Roman handed him. 

“Yeah, I feel slightly bad… but you know how it is.”

“Yep.” Patton sighed. 

“But honestly what am I supposed to think when an emo nightmare comes out of my roommate’s closet wearing his clothes.” He laughed.

Patton smiled, “Emo nightmare?”

“Oh absolutely, you should’ve seen him.” Roman smiled, “Even in Lo’s clothes you could tell how emo he was.”

“Reminds me of a friend of mine.” Patton smiled walking over to the baked goods display case grabbing some jam cookies.

“Wow! You have friends like that?”

“Yes! Here take some cookies for Logan, tell him to get better soon.” Patton said, handing Roman a bag. 

Roman smiled then checked the time, “Yeah I should head back, make sure he’s not causing chaos.”

“Well I’ll see you soon!” Patton smiled. 

“Yep.” Roman nodded walking out of the cafe and leaving to walk back to his apartment. 

_____

Virgil managed through the day at work, stocking shelves for the most part. His side hurt and sore as he moved, bleeding a bit when he stretched to the higher shelves. Virgil thought about going home early, but did not want to burden his coworkers. 

Virgil walked down the street, it was late, dark out. The street lights lit his way home. He walked silently listening to some music on his headphones.

Virgil got to his apartment building and walked in, going up the stairs, the elevator still out of order.  

He hummed softly getting to his apartment, opening the door and walking in. Virgil paused when he saw a figure standing inside his dark apartment, “Hello?”

“Oh... well hello phantom.” The figure and held up a photo of Virgil with some friends. His voice familiar… like the guy who attacked him and Starlight the night before. 

“What are you doing here.” Virgil glared turning on the lights. 

“I’m here to recruit you.” The guy smiled shrugging innocently, squinting slightly when the lights turned on as his eyes adjusted.

“I’d never work with you.” Virgil growled instantly. 

“Well you see... you would.”

“Wh-“

The villain instantly cut Virgil off “What a nice group of friends, hmm what if I hurt them.” He smirked, waving the photo around in the air.

Virgil glared at him staying silent.

Villain smirk, “so you see, I’m not ready for my débute to the city yet… and you’ve not fallen yet. Recently I’ve noticed you’ve become buddy buddy with starlight; I do believe it’s time to end that, I need you to do as I say, or your friends here.” He smiled tossing over the picture frame. “They’ll die.”

Virgil caught the frame and stared, “I… fine… I’ll work for you. Just don’t touch them.” He growled and stepped forward.

“Ey, little Kitty, stand down… if you try hurting me, you and your friends all die. And maybe I’ll even kill your enemy turned friend, Starlight.” He smirked. 

Virgil nodded softly, “what do you want me to do?” He asked, not fighting him and just accepting. He knew he couldn’t fight him anyway he was already hurt and fighting would probably make it worse. 

The villain smiled, “now that’s more like it. I’ll give you your task soon, you just wait… and tell nobody.” He smiled and walked out of the apartment.

Virgil sat down on his couch holding the picture closely, he pulled out his phone calling Patton first, checking he and Emile were ok before calling Remy. He needed to know his friends were safe. 

___

It was early the next morning when Virgil got up seeing a piece of paper tacked to the inside of his door… seemed it had his task, he had his orders, hopefully these would be the only orders he received even though that meant this might kill him, be his downfall. Virgil looked over at the framed picture of him, Patton, Emile, and Remy all cuddled together on Patton’s couch before he looked back at the paper. He was doing this to protect them, he had always done this to protect them.

_______________________

Note: Originally I debated adding the Roman/Patton scene, but thought why not, it’ll be funny and we’re only going down hill to angst from here 

_________

General Taglist- 

@crazy-multifandomfangirl

@aceawkwardunicorn

@mistythegenderqueermess

_________

A Call For Help Taglist-

@star-crossed-shipper

@simplyapannightmare (Who apparently doesn't exist....)

[4lix]

hello, i’m so happy you’re making a comeback. since you’re in the mood to write abt chan, may i request a best friends to lovers trope?

friends to lovers ★ bang chan ↳ gender-neutral. fluff.

okay so falling in love with ur best friend is a big L but its one u are more than willing to take for christopher bang

first things first, chan loves people with his whole mf heart.

whether its family, friends, or romantic interests

so when it comes down to him falling for his best friend? idk if he’d really realize it unless someone literally spelled it out for him, he’d just mistake his affection towards you as just the same kind of best friend love he has for ˙his group members

he’d never think much about the fact that most of his song lyrics these days were getting oddly too specific in detail about a certain someone

or how whenever he felt down his gut reaction was to call you up because the sound of your voice seemed to make everything better

or how he really really likes cuddling with you after long days of practice

and when you stop by the studio when he’s stuck on a track and just pull him to the couch to lay down for a while to get a break from staring at that damned screen, he’d instantly relax in your hold, sighing in content as your fingers twirled around his curls

and yeah his stomach is filled with butterflies and his ears are all red all that corny stuff but you’re his best friend and best friends cuddle sometimes too right?

best friends also feel the urge to kiss one another on the cheeks? perhaps sometimes they fantasize about what it would be like to kiss each other on the lips?

ok maybe not.

chan knew some of his thoughts were a bit odd. but you were really pretty so it was understandable. you were his safe place and the closest thing he had to home besides his members.

unbeknownst to him, you were honestly no better, a bit more aware of the fact that you could possibly be in love with the idiot but you were still in denial nonethless

whenever felix or hyunjin would tease you about your relationship with chan you’d feign disgust like he’s my best friend that’s weird! but your cheeks are red anyways and you’re kind of stuttering and hey is it hot in here or what-

when you had tough days chan would spam you with encouraging texts, a million obnoxious emojis, memes, just anything to make you smile and it always always worked, just the sight of a notification from chan always made you light up but that’s what best friends are for right?  

friends make the world seem brighter, that’s all chan was to you, a friend.

and chan cared a lot about his friends, so it only made sense..

but unlike his other friends, you always got special treatment

he’d give you gifts for your friendship anniversary despite all the suggestive looks from his group members, kissed your forehead when bidding you goodbye and always sent you good morning and good night texts each and every single day

he’d go out of his way for you always and all of that just seemed normal, natural to him. because he loves with his whole heart and he doesn’t even realize it

he wouldn’t really come to terms with things until one of the members like screams at him to just stfu already because he won’t stop talking about you and he somehow makes everything about you and it’s driving them insane

they’d be like we get it you’re in love with y/n shut up already

and he’d just be a stuttering mess like !! no im not !! and yet his heart is racing in his chest and everyone looks at him with an unamused glare

changbin would be like “everything you’ve written these last few weeks are all about them-”

felix would chime in like “you killed your phone battery texting them all day and then used my phone to call them so you could talk for three hours straight.”

jisung is like “yeah and you bought like ten different gifts for your friendship  anniversary but you gave me a set of socks for my birthday-”

huh wait maybe he is in love with you.

“those socks were knitted and really nice.” would be his only line of defense

the rest of the afternoon the members would just tease him about all his lovesick puppy habits that he was completely unaware of

like how his face lights up the moment you walk into the room

or how he can never go shopping without picking up something for you because hey y/n would look really cute in this!

and that he even mumbles your name sometimes when he’s sleeping lord help the boy

things kind of go to hell because now he can’t look at you without blushing and stuttering

he’s panicking because how the hell could he have fallen in love with his best friend who probably only sees him as a brother? if you liked him back surely you would’ve let him know by now, i mean if he was as obvious as his members said he was with his feelings there’s no way you weren’t aware of his infatuation with you.

but you were on the same boat really, to you, it seemed as though chan was affectionate with everyone, he smooched jeongin’s cheeks every now and then, and the socks he got for jisung’s birthday were kind of nice? you weren’t that special right? there’s no way chan could fall in love with someone like you anyways... right?

you knew him better than you knew yourself so his odd behaviour definitely did not go unnoticed even tho your sheer lack of brain cells prevented you from realizing why he was acting odd in the first place

the good morning and good night texts stopped, the spams of memes stopped, it was just radio silence for a few days and it was starting to freak you out but it was close to the deadline for the new album so he could just be stressed and you could just be overreacting

you figured you’d stop by the studio at like ass o’clock like always with some takeout for chan because you knew he never ate much when he pulled all nighters, you even threw in some of his favorite snacks and energy drinks, bringing your laptop with you to get some work done of your own hopefully

you did your signature knock on the door before entering but chan still jumped at the sight of you, weirdly startled by your presence, avoiding your eyes and only managing to cough and give you a tilt of a nod in greeting before gluing his eyes back to his computer screen

your first initial reaction is did i do something wrong :( and you intend to ask chan about it but he puts his headphones in and seems rather busy, you remind yourself again that he’s just focused on the new album he’d never purposefully ignore you.

you’ll ask him later, taking a seat on the couch, scrolling through social media mindlessly as your thoughts can’t seem to drift away from the boy across from you and how fluffy and soft his hair looks today.

after a good fifteen minutes pass, chan still hasn’t touched the food you brought which leaves you no choice but to annoy him to ensure he takes proper care of himself. calling his name multiple times to no avail, you tap the space bar, pausing the track before removing his headphones.

“channie, you can ignore me if you want to but i won’t let you ignore getting your vitamins and nutrients. i know you didn’t eat dinner. so eat.” he’s still not looking at you, just nods, clearing his throat awkwardly before turning over towards the takeout you brought for him and taking a seat at the couch.

you follow behind him, sitting right beside him. just a week ago you were here with chan laying on your chest, watching tiktoks of cats but now here you were, in the same spot but this time chan was silent, closed off. the complete opposite to his usual warm and bubbly demeanor.

he didn’t even bother to deny the fact that he was ignoring you, he just ate silently and fear starts to consume you because maybe chan really was upset with you?

before you figured he was probably just stressed and overly focused on the track he was working on but now it seems obvious he’s blatantly ignoring you, not even sparing a thank you for the takeout which was really unlike him. he always thanked you for taking care of him with tight hugs and sloppy kisses on your forehead. now he didn’t even look at you.

half of you was agitated that he was giving you the silent treatment instead of just being honest with you about whatever was bothering him but the other half of you really wanted to smooch his chubby cheeks filled with rice because wow he looked really really cute.

as annoyed with him as you were, you couldn’t help but appreciate his bareface, it was you favorite look of all, when he didn’t look like a famous idol, instead just a regular boy with blemishes and unruly hair in grey sweats and a hoodie.

a grain of rice hugged the corner of his lip, you fought back the urge to kiss it away. he was so unfairly attractive it made you want to punch him

you lean forward, reaching out to him to wipe the stray food away but he evades your touch, leaving your hand raised awkwardly out in front of you in rejection. now he didn’t even want you to touch him?

“did i do something wrong?” you didn’t realize how hurt you were by his silence, by his disgust of you, how he felt like a stranger these days. you kicked yourself inwardly for sounding so broken but the tone of voice seemed to strike something in chan because he finally met eyes with you for the first time in what felt like forever.

“w-what no not at a-all what makes you think that?”

“chan you’ve ignored all my texts for the last three days. you haven’t talked to me in nearly a week and now you can’t even spare a hello when i come in? you’re even avoiding my touch like i have the plague or something.” guilt washes over him immediately and he puts down the plate of food and looks at you with those brown eyes that are all sad and regretful and you forgive him before he even opens his mouth because you’re just that helplessly in love with the idiot

“i-i’m sorry. i didn’t mean to, really, i just have a lot on my mind right now and i just...” he turns to look away again but you place your hand to his chin, turning him forward to meet eyes with you again, he doesn’t shy away from your touch this time

“chan if i said something or did something wrong that bothered you, y’know you can always talk to me right?” you said earnestly, cupping his cheek in your hand, he leaned into your touch, humming gently. relief enraptured your heart, along with warmth

“you didn’t do anything wrong, i promise.” his eyes don’t leave yours, nor does his voice waver, so you believe him

“then why are you ignoring me?”

“because...” he tries to get the words out but his brain is going a mile a minute and you’re really close to him. you’re turned to face him, sitting criss crossed, knees bumping against his, he can feel your body warmth and it’s kind of sending him into overdrive

“because?” you urge him further, unable to help your lips from curling downwards in worry. he’s silent still, biting his bottom lip anxiously and you consider giving up for a moment but then he pulls your hand away from his cheek, instead holding it tight in his.

“i realized something. the guys, they made me realize some things.” he starts, eyes flittering past each and every single one of your features, admiring them silently to himself. how did it take him so long to realize he was in love with you? you were beautiful, his best friend, his whole heart, his muse.

earlier, his eyes were glued to the screen because he was rereading the words he’s written over the last few weeks and he couldn’t quite believe he wrote lyrics that were literally entirely about you and he had no idea, just assumed he had some new rush of creativity or something.

of course he was in love with you, he always been in love with you.

“yeah?” you rub your thumb over his hand slowly in an attempt to ease some of his anxieties. whatever it was he needed to tell you, it was clearly taking a toll on him, he was fidgeting, sighing over in over again and shaking his head trying to clear his thoughts. you felt a bit bad, perhaps you were prying too much?

“look i just–– i know we’re best friends, and the last thing i want to do is jeopardize that so if what im about to say makes you uncomfortable or something j-just forget it ever happened okay?” unknowingly, you hold in you breath, fear for his next words knocking the wind out of you.

“i... i like you. like like you, and- i don’t know how to deal with it so i’ve just been avoiding you and i’m sorry- wait why are you laughing?” his eyebrows are all furrowed and his cheeks are bright red and he’s squeezing your hand in confusion and you just look at him and just die of laughter

why were you laughing? you weren’t sure. maybe it was relief? joy? just pure utter love for the idiot in front of you?

“channie-” you attempt, but your laughter still has control over your lungs so you just cling to the boy helplessly, looking up at him with so much happiness in your eyes that he can’t help but feel a bit hopeful that maybe this laughter is good laughter?

“why are you laughing! i just confessed to you, put my heart out on the line and your response is laughter?” he’s smiling despite the confused tone of his voice, nudging you playfully but you pull him into you, shoving your face in the crook of his neck trying your hardest to get out the last of your giggles. with one last deep sigh, you prepare yourself to finally give him a proper response

“i’m sorry for laughing channie i’m just really happy. and relieved.” you finally pull away from him, resting your forehead against his, cupping his face once again in your hands.

“i like you too chan, i’ve liked you for a really really long time.”

the smile that lights up his face is one you’ll never forget, his eyes practically disappear, his dimples protruding through those precious cheeks of his and you can’t help the small laugh in happiness at the sight

“thank god i was actually losing my mind you know, changbin and jisung have been making fun of me all week, clowning me for being a lovesick puppy.”

“is that why they’ve been wiggling their eyebrows whenever i walk by-”

“unfortunately yes.”

“chan you should’ve just told me!”

“yeah well! i thought you saw me as like a brother or something!”

“what- no! i’ve literally been in love with you since the moment we met you idiot-”

“yeah well i’ve been writing songs about you for the last month, songs that you helped with and you didn’t notice a thing-”

at that you just :O bc realization hits u like a train n yea wait a minute he was pretty obvious..

he just gets all red again and then you smile at him and he’s smiling back at you and with the dopiest grin on his face he’s like

“can i kiss u..” and u dont bother to reply you just grab his cheeks and connect your lips with his

the kiss is kind of a mess tho bc you’re both just so ridiculously happy that you can’t stop smiling so yea its not a proper kiss but its filled with giggles and each time you pull away chan only leans forward to peck you again and again because he cant seem to get enough really and he’s just so elated that he can finally do this as many times as he wants

in conclusion chan loml<3 

requests are open! :) ↳ notes: tysm for all the kind welcome back msgs ily all sm omg <3  i ended up combining two requests as they were a bit similar i hope thats okay hehe <3 also sry if this is sloppy this is my first post in a long time & im kind of rusty .. whew

[davidmann95]

Comics this week (4/21/2021)?

Superman: Red and Blue #2: I got the sweet David Choe variant cover I was hoping for! A win. The Seagle/Douleau/Brosseau story was...odd, character-wise, the Brown/Cowan/Stanisci/Sotomayor/Sharpe story was a fun adventure with some neat ideas but felt surprisingly light given this was the first use of Val-Zod in however long, the Phillips/Zarcone/Leigh story was the exact story you’re always going to get with every Superman anthology ever from now until the end of time, and the Howard/Napolitano final entry was fun and also happened to nail pretty much exactly how I’d like Cyborg Superman to be portrayed. The clear standout however was Dan Panosian’s Luthor story, a total hoot.

Justice League #60: We’re starting to get rolling on the vibe of the team dynamic here if not especially the plot, but keep giving me those pretty Marquez drawings over Bendis-chatter and those delightful V/Xermanico Justice League Dark backups and I’m more than good.

Catwoman #30: Ok I kept saying I was waiting for V and Blanco’s tack for this run to reveal itself, and that it’s “Selina WANTS to be in a nice Brubaker/Cooke run where she’s comfy, but dopey Batman shit keeps creeping in around the edges and fucking with her equilibrium” is basically EXACTLY what I want to see. And that double pager from Blanco? Baby.

Batman vs. Ra’s Al Ghul #6: I’d reread this if I thought it’d explain anything that happened, but I know it wouldn’t and for that I’m grateful. Could this live up to being the sequel to Batman: Odyssey? No. Is there still an extended sequence where Neal Adams characters, who speak and act like Neal Adams characters, perform a science demonstration? Yes. God, yes.

Haha #4: I liked this one! Definitely the least Ice Cream Man thing Prince has written since he started that, which I note mainly because everything else about his work remains at a steady rate of high quality so it’s that variation that most stands out.

Radiant Black #3: Ok, it’s got me sold through at least the three remaining issues of what’ll be the first trade. This is the most the superhero stuff and the personal work have felt like they meshed, and also the most interested I’ve been in the former thus far.

Ultramega #2: Aw yeah, we’re on that good worldbuilding kick I’m here for.

Orphan and the Five Beasts #2: This issue pivots on the most hilariously nightmarish twist I’ve seen in comics in god knows how long and I am enthralled, even with Stokoe firing on all cylinders I don’t know how he intends to match this issue in the remaining issues.

The Many Deaths of Laila Starr #1: The title on critics’ lips this week, this takes a well-worn “what if a higher being had to live among us miserable meatsacks and learn how rough things can be down here” premise and manages to not just reinvigorate it, but set it up with legs that look like they’ll be carrying it forward for a ways to come. The star of the show is Filipe Andrade, who pivots sharply between rendering the divine mundane and the standard bursting with energy as serves the scene; he actually gave me a bit of a Nick Dragotta vibe here, though the end product is something entirely his own. Not quite my favorite of the week as I know it was for a lot of folks, but I’m in for wherever the long haul takes us.

The Mighty Valkyries #1: I’ve been hoping since Gronbekk started that we’d see more of her clear potential as she was hopefully given more opportunities, and this issue represents a titanic leap in that direction - I was already impressed, but there’s a steady hand and conceptual boldness here that’s leaps and bounds beyond what she was already doing and I’m so glad this book is back to give her the chance to flex these emerging muscles.

Carnage: Black, White & Blood #2: The Zdarsky/Checchetto and V/Fernandez stories are both solid, but this isn’t anybody’s best work.

Avengers #45: Ahh, this is what I was starting to miss from this book. It isn’t good, but it’s definitely the exact kind of high-concept brain droppings Aaron’s versed in that effortlessly short-circuit any normal sense of good taste I might possess.

S.W.O.R.D. #5: I’m following multiple X-Men books, and enjoying seeing threads cross between them. Incredible. Is this what it’s normally like for people who dig these? I can’t see it being enough to build an entire comics-reading identity around them, but it’s a treat nonetheless.

Way of X #1: As someone with complicated feelings on X-Men: Legacy and very uncomplicated feelings on how great Doctor Nemesis is I was really looking forward to what Spurrier would do here, and honestly? One issue in and this feels a lot closer to what I want out of Hickman’s X-Men than that book itself has often delivered. This feels like the perfect balance of what I want out of these books and what people who like X-Men comics *not* by Morrison or Hickman want, and while there’s no way it’ll get the audience it deserves I hope it’ll at least get a sizable enough fraction of it to see it go as long as all involved please.

Eternals #4: An extremely good and dense issue, maybe my favorite in a week with some stupendous competition, that I just don’t have a ton to say about - its virtues are self-evident and we already know that this book is great and the specific kind of great it is. My biggest personal item of note that’s not immediately obvious is that it’s with this issue that it clicked for me for the first time that the expressions Esad Ribic gives his characters remind me a bit of Steve Dillon’s.

[misterbitches]

some thots. having a bad time so this is rougher than usual. oh well

....

i guess he really does know hiim best cos if that was my mans (man specifically cos if anyone else did that id take it more srsly) i would be like oh my god ur singing me a love song? i would love it but i woudl SCREAM in embarrassment. UNLESS it was a really deep love song that's about us dying together.

like i want to eat ur skin type of thing (drain u nirvana) lmaoa but i really like this song it reminds me of that velvet underground song (the only one i know cos of juno lmao) and nico or whatever 'i'm sticking with you)

my adhd would be out of fucking control i had to spend my time listening to this looking around i kept getting distracted by a tissue and thinking "wow this song is nice but i wish it would end bc i am getting distracted" and lo and behold i paused it and i have to pee and i know it's gonna take forever to undo this

ok about 12m later i turned it back on and they kissed and then he bit the corn then that night li chen also lost his virgin teas after watching gay porn and being like "hm interesting" and he'll be like "i see, ur dick is not medium sized"

i'm honestly gagging i cannot at this 12 year old marrying his mom

beautiful theyre beautiful

ayea you fucking psycho we do too because he was 17 and we had to witness it (or well, other people did cos i didnt watch the show even tho wayne song is [BEEEEEEEEEEEEEP BEEEEEP BEEEEP] and i want him to [BEEEEEEEP] and ppl even liked it which is fine like i get it in theory but they put this in my eyeballs so i'm gonna make fun of it bc it's fuckin DUMB lmao like i can't I CANNOT and he said "u were so persistent" BITCH UR 30??!?!???!?!?!?)capi hve it on mute and i tried to get a screencap of li chen and mu ren like together and not just his face but i cant find the timestamp and seeing their faces as they get married is literalyl traumattizing i'm like scremaing at my screen going "HE'S 5 HE'S 5 HE'S 5" and every time theyre like "we acn live forever together" like no bitch ur bones rae creaking

also is the officiator white? if anyone knows why or if that's common i'd love to know more. EDIT: HE ISN'T I JUST THOUGHT HE LOOKED LIKE MOBY FROM THAT ANGLE

anyway here

i'm almost done with this fucking bullshit and i am in a really ould mood and usu they make it a bit better but imo it's kind of....annoying i guess balancing all these story elements and introducin gother couples (even in the periphery) since the story in itself can't focus. i feel like all in all the time spent with these two is a lot more limited and we get the feel for the rship because of their chemistry as actors, irl chemistry as friends and colleagues, and hopefully being happy and working on a good set. so it isn't the strength of the writing or production.

for some reason they get like less dynamic ways of being together which i think is part of their charm, they do things their own way, but the writers really should have substantiated this more. it's really just the way everyone in the show has managed to deliver these AWFUL story lines and production decisions (like seriously who the fuck was on costume? lighting?)

like maybe hot take but all the moments that are cringe and insane in the show are not pleasant, per se, because they aren't thought out clearly. so they're not a joy to watch in the normal sense but the actors are good enough to pull it off. i didn't cringe at the talks they had because it felt like actors like acting these lines out instead of us being embarrassed for it and you CAN TELL theyre embarrassed.

this is a huge kudos to the casting director and the actors and whatever crew that actually did a good job. i don't particularly like watching bo xiang and his grandfather husband not because of the content but because i feel like, to me, they're so awkward even though they have chemistry. i don't have that issue with xing si and his rapist brother boyfriend because watching them is actually really pleasant, it's intimate. this isn't to do with the story though because when it hits you how devoid this other person is and how stupid the situation is it changes (for me, for me, for me, this is all my opinion think whateverrrr u want im not telling u 2 ok!)

so truly kudos to this cast. idk if i'm misremembering here but imo the most cast appropriate series in this was crossing the line and close to you. one is a decent atmosphere and execution (yes even with that brother story line, notice the major key differences though because that's a sincere false equivalence. they try to execute power imbalances soooo badly and then fail every time but here's one meant to shock too and it was just likelmao ok girl?)

it may not make sense to say either in a writing way or for the character to do it but i believe that whoever the characters these people are supposed to be especially those super not well written on the page still get that message aacross (yong jie's actor is a good ex. not sure if i should ccongratulate him for having the worst job on earth and the worst character and his character is flat but. ostensibly they should let their actions speak for themselevs but what they do is they back themselves into a ccorner with unsuretyabout their characters or a dilemma that pops up they just want to excuse it. well guess hwat u couldnt do enough legwork. but to some extent the disposable side couple works here on a um "our eyes see them and get it" way

also to me it seems like they chose this story just to have this specific wedding. like it's a timely topic and i'm pretty sure like another provision? (correction? idk) was made WRT taiwanese same-sex marriage so it's topical but it isn't like a "papa and daddy" situation where they're interacting in it and there (for ex: the pride parade) and there being like real life terms and consequences. here it seems like they were like ah yes wedding ah yes dumb couple from modc bc we kiled off the other one sooooo (then outsource them to life love on the line u__u) then hamfisting in some fucking message which is funny bc

- despite the hints peppered in and the clear attraction they both acknowledge ur like ~not gay just him~ even tho...i mean i just. again they dont read over what they write i don't think considering. but wahtever.

- the only gay dude (verbally said) is with his rapist brother with an awful power dynamic oh or IS a rapist (gao) (or his brother but i think it was just a "im a psycho so it's him" thing unless they said it. in which case idc cos i wasnt paying attn but that's also not great) or i guess the wedding but like....that's also a ridiculously inappropriate and dumb relationship taht it's built on. i mean i don't really see much respect her so i dont particularly want to hear abt gay weddings being important when they didn't even utilize it in the story beforehand and have we ever. this is a huge indication to me that it was a reverse engineered chosen story beforehand (if it was one) or thought of

soooooo

so reversal of that....it didnt give us enough time to breathe with these two at all but for both of the actors they can capitalize what's on the page and the writers didn't. like their dynamic is very i give/you give like taking car eof each other etc that's why

again, no artist worth their salt will ever say their work meant nothing. that's a cover up. i'm sick of lazy production and then getting away with it claiming being subversive or attacking an issue by not doing anything. we show crazy shit all the time but it has a POINT and ur point is "i like the gays" then girl.....i mean it's not great

but the acting really carried it. i have a feeling if this series continues it might continue to use more experienced actors cos maybe the budget goes up but they also have less inhibitions now when it comes to acting. i like the way li chen expresss himself and teng teng too. i like anson a lot and there's some angles that did not do any favors and i think eh has to get more control of his body movements (bc he's SO LARGE and thin) but he wasn't bad at all and there were real human tears. of course i, personally, favor charles tu. he has more control over his body because he has...less to work with and he's a bit bigger and he was really great in this role. he's a himbo a bit of a meathead but you like him. you like them. there's some things i think they had them say and do that they wouldn't let happen if they stuck to the characters and the story (mainly liking that dumb idiot rapist)

what i notice is that the reprehensible actions people criticize others for in the show and in real human life lalways gets turned around. teng teng being surprised that this boy's grandfather boyfriend met him when he was a junior in high school and he's 12 years older and him apologizing for being shocked and then whatshisface going "ur better at it than most people" and then the convo about gao with whatshisface and then rapist brother comes to pick him up. they are admonishing gao but thinking that rapist brother is noble for doin gwhat he did (and oh rapist brother shows up) like the hypocrisy and the decisions are immense. so now it's like "guys see he's a great guy" like girl STICK TO SOMETHING but whatever so i live in this universe where muren and li chen do everything right and have lots of different interesting fun seex with all their friends. i would write this but i cannot i am dying

[saltypicks]

reviewing may’s comebacks (in june, because i have shit to do)

There were a lot of comebacks this month. I guess it's summer now? No idea, there's no summer in my country. The girl groups have started coming back in full force but are not impressing. The boy groups seemed to mostly go the groovy route and now I need an adjective other than 'groovy' to describe songs.

Not The End, Highlight

I'm so glad it's not a ballad. It's not bad.

You are so beautiful, SGO

Everyday I'm grateful for the retro trend and this is a great representation.

Gray Area, Hi Cutie

At some sections I like this song (the verses and the chorus) and at others I dislike it (the trap breakdown, the middle of the chorus). I complained about MAJORS' company having no money previously but Hi Cutie's company is bankrupt. Poor nugus.

Dreamcatcher and GWSN have far superior 'Red Suns' but this song is okay and I'm happy the girls look so happy to have some work (and hopefully some money) at last.

Today, CITI

A nice midtempo song. And no, I did not hear it first from a drama OST.

Make Up Your Mind, AILEE

Sounds like a Beyonce-type song.

MALO, SHAX

Apparently this is a drama OST (Imitation, to be specific. It's based on a webtoon). Basic boy group song but it sounds like it's from the 2010s or something, and that's a compliment.

Hot Sauce, NCT Dream

Initially: Um...at least Renjun looks good? Honestly I don't know what to say about this song. NCT is a group I stan so this will definitely grow on me but...is this really not an advertisement for hot sauce? Also the set resembles the set for SHINee's Atlantis in my opinion. Now: The shouting is annoying and unnecessary. Love Chenle's voice in this; it provides a nice contrast to Haechan and Renjun. Someone said the chanting should've been left to the rappers and I fully agree. Don't know about Jisung and Jaemin but Jeno and Mark would be a good fit with a chant. In my opinion the dance break isn't really needed but is it NCT without a dance break? Also, wtf are they wearing around their necks? Someone should inform the SM stylists that less is really more.

DUN DUN DANCE, OH MY GIRL

It's light and pleasant but if this song was a meal it would be a tiny appetizer that tastes good but doesn't satiate you.

WHATEVER, KEEMBO

I didn't think I'd like it at first but this is groovy and makes me want to dance while doing my chores.

Always, VAV

Song for the fans but if you need a VAV song to listen to I recommend Gorgeous.

Hurt, Baekhyun & Seomoontak

Hasn't Baekhyun been shipped off to the army yet? Anyway, love how dramatic this is.

Waiting for Victor, 015B ft. Dawon

Another great retro song! Also the singer is cute and her hair is cute as well. She reminds me of Chuu a little.

Uncertainty Principle, 015B ft. Dawon

I prefer their other song, but this one is retro as well and it's great.

척하면 척, 강혜연 (Kang Hyeyeon)

Trot that's kind of subdued but still danceable.

Badly, SURA

Loved it from the first second.

BLACK MIRROR, ONEUS

Then: Is it good enough to make up for No Diggity? I don't know about that, but this song is groovy and I'm somewhat okay with it. Doesn't have much replay value for me though. Now: Eh, it's basic groovy boy group song but I won't skip if it comes on.

Breathe Again, BLITZERS

Another boy group with a somewhat questionable name. This song is pretty good as a debut and it's somewhat memorable. I wonder if my rating increeased because of the guitars? District 9 was the same for me, but right now it doesn't interest me. I think this song will stay for a good while on my playlist though. I like the anthemic vocals in the chorus and this song needed more of that.

EASY, WJSN THE BLACK

The girls looked good but the storyline kept getting interrupted by shots of the girls. Yes, we know they're all visuals but I'd be more interested if there was actual action and plot. The song is good objectively but doesn't really interest me. Who knows? Maybe a few more listens will change my mind.

Outerspace (ft. Loco), Kang Daniel

Groovy and better than his last two releases.

Giant, Yuqi

So nice to hear Yuqi's voice on its own. The song was fine until the chorus crushed all my love for it.

Glass of Tears, HONG JA

Appropriately dramatic for a song named 'glass of tears'. It's good and if you like trot you'll like this one.

Taste of Life, Yang Ji Eun

What do you call this? Folk trot? Whatever it's called, it's good.

LOOK AT ME, ICU

OK.

WE GO, fromis_9

It sounds like the token girl group summer song. I don't dislike it, but nothing about this song stands out to me. Honestly with a mini-album called '9Way Ticket' I expected more, because it reminds me of Nine Muses' Ticket everytime I see it. The b-side 'Airplane Mode' is pretty good though and the other one, 'Promise' is a slow song but I don't really mind it, it's fine as background music.

Next Level, aespa

Umm...what is SM's plan for these girls? How can a rookie group from the big 3 have only 3 songs? And only one is an original? The song is not the best thing ever and SM surely can do better but at least it wasn't as bad as M.A.F.I.A. aespa deserves more than this.

Ring Ring, ROCKET PUNCH

Finally after Bim Bam Bum these girls have a title track I enjoy. You can't go wrong with covering Take On Me, can you? It's no Platonic Love or Sea of Moonlight, and it certainly could have done without the rubbish trap section but it's a bop anyway. Meanwhile, the b-side Ride is great and I hope they promote it. This song would be more enjoyable if their voices weren't so shrill in the chorus. High notes aren't a necessity for good songs.

Advice, Taemin

Not the best of Taemin but it's good. I love the fast tempo of the piano and the way it drives everything. Taemin's performance also elevates this song and I'm grateful he's leaving us with a good song before going on his two-year vacation.

RUB-A-DUM, TRI.BE

They're really going all out with this 'tribe' thing, aren't they? It sounds very Middle Eastern to my ears at times, sometimes it sounds African-ish and the other times it is just typical trap kpop. DOOM DOOM TA was better and more fun. At least they got the catchy catchphrase right. Blackpink in your area who? Tri-bee da loca! The b-side 'LORO' is not much fun either. The only difference is it's Latin-influenced.

Shadow, Dreamcatcher

Typical Dreamcatcher song slowed down by a lot. It's not bad, plus it's nice to hear Dami sing. Also what is it with Korea and zombies? With the MV the song sounds a lot better but the MV distracts me. Shouldn't zombies be mindless? How do they use tools and know martial arts? Or is it just my eyes? And can that tiny gun protect anybody? Are you sure that's not a toy?

The beginning of spring, E'LAST U

Not horrible but not for me either.

Oh MAMA, BLING BLING

One of the few new ggs in a while with unfortunate names. They've clearly upgraded in terms of styling and MV budget, but their song quality is no different.

Let Me Know, PIXY

Sonically it sounds nothing like their dark concept. Actually it does sound like a dark concept, if done by a boy group. It's not bad but it's not good. The industrial-like sounds in the back are interesting but the whole song is not.

Son of Beast, TO1

TOO rebrands as TO1 with this song. It's groovy.

HAPPEN, Heize

For the first time I like a Heize song. The MV is interesting too, the story was cliche but I liked the visuals and aesthetics.

FEVER, ENHYPEN

Rhis song was from the [BORDER: CARNIVAL] mini. I listened to that mini but I remember not really liking any of the b-sides except the outro and the intro, so this is a surprise.

My Flower, Kim Jaehwan

Nice upbeat song with guitars all over it. I like it.

Corazon Perdido, Yesung (Super Junior)

Initially I wasn't going to review this because I didn't even review the title track but the final moments of this song are beautiful and it deserves a mention.

Butter, BTS

The song is smooth as its title. The MV is fine except for that ARMY thing; I cringed so hard.

Bonnie and Clyde, Yuqi

Better than the other one.

Ride, ROCKET PUNCH

This is so great and I'm glad it got its own video, even if it was just a dance video glorified as a 'Special Stage'. Now if only I could stop chuckling whenever I hear "looks rike a lainbow".

Rush Hour, GAHO

Love it, especially the guitar strumming moments and the chorus when the electric guitar comes in.

GEMINI, AB6IX

Love how the vocals don't distract from the great instrumental.

FIRST, EVERGLOW

In a comment section someone said La Di Da was a fluke and I kind of agree. Everglow returns to their usual style (chanty chorus + catchy riff repeated over and over) and this song is in the same vein as Adios. I like the chorus but the rest of the song is hard to recall. Siyeon, Aisha and Yiren are the only ones who actually look good and EU needs more lines and her blonde hair back. Also why does kpop think that moving the camera around a lot creates the illusion of motion? All it does is make me dizzy.

Like It Hot, GWSN

Sometimes I like GWSN title tracks, and sometimes I don't. I don't think much of this song, but their album is great.

Je T'aime, Joy

I love you Joy but this is boring. If it was meant to be a lullaby then SM succeeded.

Burned All Black, Kim Jaehwan

His other song is a ballad which is somewhat pleasant. Well, it was until it slowed down in the first chorus.

Purple, woo!ah!

Still not one song from woo!ah! I like.

GGOMA, Tae Ho (IMFACT) and Choi Ye Geun

Loved Choi Ye Geun's Scarecrow so I was happy to see her again. The song is groovy but the chorus sounds somewhat...empty? Love the scat at the end, should've been longer. This is also a great example of a bright boy group song. See? Upbeat and bright boy group concepts don't have to be childish.

DIAMOND, Sparkling

Another Imitation OST. I honestly doubt that there are actual kpop songs as bad as this.

7days Tension, Weeekly

Ad song. Bright and the chorus is nice.

0X1=LOVESONG (I Know I Love You), TXT feat. Seori

The angsty opening line caught my attention, then the verse after it dropped the energy. It picked up again in the chorus and pre-chorus, thankfully. It's very much pop rock, except there are no guitars in this. Doesn't stop the song from being good though.

Hello, Joy

I love Joy's voice as always but this song doesn't do much for me even though it's upbeat. A few more listens might change my mind.

Call Me, Omega III

Another Imitation OST. Doesn't do much for me, just like all the Imitation MVs. At least let us understand what your drama is about. Instead we get these random shots of what idols are supposed to be like? I don't know much about idol life but it's obvious these girls would be called nugus in real life, and I honestly doubt nugus have such nice living conditions.

No Answer, LA LIMA

Jiyeon from T-Ara is on this one. This and MALO are my favourites from the Imitation OST so far. The song is nice with a sleek catwalk vibe to it but like the rest the MV is boring.

Show Me, Tea Party

Are these the Omega III girls? Not sure but I think so. MV still boring, song doesn't interest me.

Let me go!, The Volunteers

Great rock song, I just wonder why it's all in English (I'm not complaining).

[keeponshouting]

After Infection

This is a rewrite and hopefully eventual completion of a massive multiverse mash-up of my OCs with a couple belonging to @whenromancesmoked and a few others from back in the day. I have absolutely no idea if anyone else is going to be interested in reading this (ok, I know a few people who will probably read it) but psh. I’m having fun and want to share.

Note: This is also a George Romero tribute of sorts. Like I started it for giggles because my PB for one of the characters was in the Dawn of the Dead remake and it just snowballed, which I guess means I should throw a WARNING: ZOMBIES sign up here or something. Anyway!

After Infection: Dawn of the Dead

It had seemed like a good idea at the time – or, well, more accurately, it had seemed like the right thing to do. There was a request from fellow hunters in a small town a few hours’ drive south and things had been quiet lately back home so Nate had figured that they could spare the time and energy. Besides, Dennis had been going pretty stir crazy for a while. Even if it was a hunt, it would be a good excuse to get out on the road for a while, a sort of vacation.

It had not turned out even remotely like a vacation.

They had been a little too late to the original party but apparently just in time for things to get much, much worse. Nate had brought a variety of tools just in case but he had primarily been prepared for an infestation of what locals called “hell rats,” a creature that was pretty common in the south and usually pretty easy to handle if you found their nests quickly enough. Sure they were venomous but as long as you were careful… He had not been expecting an infestation of zombies.

“The lot looks pretty clear right now.” Dennis is hunched over at the door, using the peephole to take a quick survey of the goings on outside their hotel room while Nate brews a second pot of coffee to get him through whatever the morning brings. After all, as long as decent coffee is available, he might as well take advantage of it. Lord knows he might have to go without for a while and God help his poor boyfriend’s patience if that happens.

When Dennis stands up straight again, his head is just about even with the top of the doorframe and he yawns as he leans back against the door, arms crossed over his chest. “So, come up with any plans yet or are we still waiting for the caffeine to kick in?”

Nate snorts into his cup and foregoes actually taking a drink for the moment in order to respond. “You ask that like I have any idea what sort of plan to use here. I’ve met exactly zero hunters who’ve actually had to handle zombies in the past decade at least. I honestly don’t think they’ve ever been a problem this far north before.”

“Well, there sure are a lot around here for something that’s never been a problem.”

“Some forms of infection can spread at an exponential rate in populated areas.” He drains a good half of the coffee in hand. “Our best bet is probably just to find out if there are any other non-infected people anywhere around here.”

Dennis flops across the bed, face down, with a muffled grunt.

Nate just silently continues drinking as the percolator finally finishes beside him and he very seriously considers making a third pot, just in case.

---

Zombies – shambling, groaning, flesh-eating, nearly Hollywood perfect zombies. For fuck’s sake. This should have been such an easy fucking job and now there are zombies.

Viktor strings together another line of curses, voice little more than a low growl, as he chambers another cartridge. Beside him, a terrified little girl whimpers. He simply scowls, sets Glock number one aside, lights a cigarette, and pulls out number two. “Zatraceně zasraný vědci.” Leaning over toward the window, he catches sight of a proper target and empties the last bullet into the back of its skull. What a fucking cliché.

This was supposed to be simple. They had agreed on that fact the moment that the specifications of the job had crossed the table. It should have been routine, easy money. Three towns, three targets, each plan the same; get rid of the scientist, call their employer, and let the clean-up crew come in and deal with the rest. The first two hits had gone off without a hitch. So, of course, it just figures that last one would have to be so much more complicated than it should have been.

“I—I—I w-want m-m-my d-da—daddy.”

Viktor’s jaw clenches as he exhales – slow and even, two thin streams of smoke – as he reloads the gun in hand and wills himself to remain calm. His patience is wearing thin at this point, though. He had not planned for going into this as usual and coming out as a babysitter. The target’s five-year-old daughter was not supposed to be in the house at the time of the hit. She only stayed with him on the weekends. What an absolutely brilliant turn of events that this was apparently the first Monday that she had ever spent with her father.

Dropping his half-smoked cigarette on the floor, he shoves himself up to his feet. He had lost contact with Miguel some time earlier, likely as a result of the scientist’s neighbor backing into an electric pole at full speed after one of the zombies had rushed her car. The impact had cut power to the entire neighborhood and he can only assume that it must be the cause of the interference. With long-range communication down, that leaves only one alternative: he needs to get within the functional range of their radios. Unfortunately, the hit had been planned for the late evening and he had only been able to make it as far as a vacant apartment building a couple blocks away before night had started to set. From here, short-wave does him about as much good as a water pistol.

“Come on.” Viktor has already reached the door and taken quick stock of the corridor beyond by the time he bothers to look back. Unsurprisingly, his unwanted charge remains unmoved, still curled up as small as she can possibly make herself, which is pretty damned small.

“A-are you g-g-gonna take me b-back to da-daddy?”

God give him strength but that stuttering is getting real old real quick. “Ne.” He swings the door open as quietly as possible and waits for a moment, listening for any movement outside, before carefully stepping out and making his way to the stairwell. With the knowledge that their escape route is currently free of hostiles, he takes a deep, centering breath and heads back to where he began.

“Look, holčička.” He crouches down in front of the child and tries to sound as reasonable as possible. Given his current level of frustration, he thinks that he is doing a fairly decent job. Miguel, however, would likely disagree. “Either you just come with me and go wherever I go, quietly and without complaint, or I leave you here. Your choice.” Yeah, Miguel would definitely disagree.

From the way that the little girl’s eyes go so much wider than he would have ever imagined possible, he feels safe in assuming that she disagrees as well and, five minutes later, they are creeping down an alleyway with more stealth than Viktor ever would have expected of a kindergartener.

---

What was taking so long?

That is the question that had led Alex out of the band’s bus and that was the question that he now wants to keep from crossing anyone else’s minds. This is all way too fucked up, like the should not be real kind of fucked up. None of this should be happening.

On the ground, backed up against the flat tire of the car that their driver had originally gone to help, Alex kicks hard into the jaw of what may have once been a perfectly lovely young woman and sends her sprawling backward where she lands on top of the monster still gnawing on the corpse of a man who should have still been living and breathing and driving their goddamn bus. Alex’s hand gropes around behind him for anything even remotely useful as a weapon and lands on the tire-iron just in time to smash it into the face of the dead woman once more lunging in his direction. Another strike as she tries to get up and he cringes and almost loses his lunch at the feeling of her skull cracking open and her brain splattering across the pavement. Hell, he really might have lost it if not for the howl coming at him far too fast. This time, he opts not to look as the hears the wet crunch and just leaps to his feet and starts running back toward relative safety.

“Alex?”

Oh fuck. “Stay on the bus, Val!”

“Don’t you fucking tell me what to do, Niccols! What the fuck is going—”

Alex fails to hear the rest as he spins around to slam the tire-iron as hard as he can into something else behind him. This time it gets yanked right out of his hand as the body drops and he scrambles back onto the bus, practically picking up a protesting Val in order to get her out of the way of the door that he immediately slams closed. He lets her go as he collapses into the driver’s seat, wide-eyed and hands shaking, and it takes him a moment to register the sound of his dog whimpering by his knee, let alone that of his own name. When the world comes back into focus, though, Val is staring at him in horror. It takes him another moment to realize why.

“Alex? What the fuck happened?” Whether she sounds more panicked or angry, Alex is far too dazed to tell. Her hands reach for his face, his shoulders, moving down to check every inch. “Are you okay?”

Taking a deep breath, he raises a hand to wipe at his face. No. No he is not okay. “Yeah. I’m fine.”

Val does not look like she believes him at all. “Is that—Fuck. That—That’s blood! Why the fuck are you covered in blood?”

Breathe, Alex. Always a good plan to breathe. “Shh. Don’t…” Never mind. Telling her to keep it quiet is pointless. Everybody else will have heard it already.

He shoves himself back to his feet, legs weak and wobbly, and stumbles as he makes his way through the curtain that separates the cabin from the rest of the bus. It is instantly evident that the rest of the band did, in fact, hear all of that. All three of them are already staring at him before he even properly steps into view. He is pretty sure that Sasha is the one choke out an “on shit” and it is definitely Macy whose response comes out as barely a squeak.

“Blood?” On his feet now, Macy rushes in to cling to Alex’s shirt, bodily fluids not withstanding. “None of it’s yours, right? You’re not hurt? You’re okay?”

Again, Alex reminds himself to breathe, turning just enough so that he can see where Val still stands in the doorway, Parker lying on the floor a foot or so behind her, his ears back and expression scared. For her part, Val is gripping the doorway so tightly that Alex can only assume that she is trying very hard not move and crowd him any further.

“None of it’s mine.” He looks at the faces around him, all of them staring, all confused and various degrees of frightened. It brings everything right back into focus. “We need to—” It takes a deep breath in and a slow breath out to get his thoughts back in line. “Everybody grab a bag, pack food, necessities, just—just whatever.” Stepping a little closer to Val, just near enough to pull one of her hands down from the wall and give it a quick squeeze. “We gotta get outta here.”

---

Nate leans out of the passenger side window just far enough to level his sights on one of the creatures that already looks less human and fires. One shot, between the eyes, and it hits the ground and disappears beneath the feet of its companions. He hears a quiet gagging sound come from the driver’s seat and finds himself feeling a bit queasy in turn. They are both going to need to make some real changes to their perspective re: what constitutes a monster and they need to make those changes really quickly because as of right now, it is going to be really difficult to get out of this mess without completely rewiring their conscience.

“Um, Nate?”

With barely a glance spared toward Dennis, Nate focuses himself on reloading. “Yeah?”

“How many, uh—how many of them are back there?”

The question gives him pause but Nate squints to get a count anyway. “About a dozen in view. Why?”

“Because we need to, uh—we have to stop for a minute.”

Nate drops back into his seat so quickly that he nearly smacks his head off the door. “We what?”

Not even bothering to look at him, Dennis simply peels one shaking hand off of the steering wheel to point at something ahead. “We have to stop.”

Nate has to squint but he starts moving the moment that he sees exactly what Dennis is looking at. “I’ve got the door.”

It was rather obvious even from a single glance at a decent distance that the man up ahead, standing stock still in his torn slacks and a blood, rolled shirt-sleeves, was staring straight past the car speeding toward him and cursing the sight of the ever-growing number of zombies trailing behind. Dennis hits the gas and is slamming the breaks in what feels like no time.

Nate shoves the back door open and feels like there is really no room for argument when he shouts to the man to get in but he has been wrong before and apparently he is right now. Instead of heading straight for them, the guy curses in a language that they are now close enough for Nate to tell is definitely not English and turns away.

“Hey!” Dennis spins in his seat to look behind them, which Nate is sure that he immediately regrets. “What the hell? What’s he doing?”

“I don’t know. He’s just—” And that is when the stranger pulls his gun, takes out three approaching zombies in relatively rapid succession, and finally turns to sprint back toward the car. “—getting a little girl.”

The child is practically flung into the back seat and their new passenger wastes no time slamming the door behind himself and snapping, “Go. Now.”

Dennis really does not need to be told and floors it the second he knows the door is closed.

“Take a left onto Carver,” the man continues, his tone speaking volumes regarding how unwilling he would be to hear any question or protest. “Follow signs for the mall plaza.” He leans out the window to pick off a few more of the monsters before Nate’s slightly incredulous look catches his attention and his scowl is honestly pretty terrifying. “You’ll be out of gas before the edge of town so, under the assumption that you wish to live—”

Nate’s eyes narrow in suspicion but Dennis has absolutely no qualms against following the orders of anyone with a plan right now and practically takes the aforementioned turn on two wheels when he nearly misses it.

---

“Are you sure you can hotwire this piece of shit?”

“It’s not a piece of shit, it’s a fucking classic.”

Val rolls her eyes at that as she continues trying to calm the utterly panicked Macy currently clinging to her so tightly that he might as well just climb into her goddamn skin. “Fine. Can you really hotwire this ‘fucking classic’?”

Two seconds later, the engine revs up as Alex sits back in the driver’s seat with a trin and a waggle of his stupid eyebrows. Sasha squeals in relief and flings her arms around him from her place in the back seat, as he laughs. “My mechanical genius is wasted on this red wire green wire bullshit.”

He pops the trunk just as something begins to stir inside of the nearby diner and Val shoves Sasha aside to squeeze Macy in so that she can help Nico load their bags at record speed. By the time she flings herself into the front passenger seat, there are already zombies starting to stumble out of the woodwork. Fuck seatbelts. “Gun it!”

Alex hits the gas and they peel out of the parking lot just as the diner’s doors give way.

He had tried to explain what had happened while they packed. It had felt impossible for Val to actually wrap her mind around it at first but once she had seen the mess outside? She had practically dragged Alex and Macy off in search of the nearest source of potential transportation. They needed to find something quickly and it needed to be something fast and she needed to not think about how painfully familiar the blood and gore looked, though she had only ever seen anything like it in her nightmares. When Alex had needed to stop and vomit into the nearest garbage can, she had a feeling that she understood why and a little pocket of rage flared to life in her chest – not because he had to stop but because he never should have been the one to wind up with someone else’s blood on his hands.

“Where are we going?” Macy is the one to finally ask, almost inaudible from where he has curled up against Sasha now, and Val catches his eye in the rearview mirror before she looks toward Alex.

Alex, however, is entirely too focused on driving to really think but so much and instead catches her eye before clearing his throat. “Nick?”

In the back, Nico turns away from the horrors outside of his window. “What?”

“How do you defend yourself against a zombie invasion?”

“Wha—Zombies aren’t exactly my specialty here.”

“No,” Alex agrees, “but zombies are supposed to be a helluva lot dumber than, say, Reavers, right? You know Reavers.”

“So?”

“So how would you defend yourself against an invasion of retarded Reavers?”

The drummer just stares at him for a moment with an expression that plainly says that he may consider that to be the dumbest question that he has ever heard. Eventually, thought, there is an answer. “I’d find the most well-stocked, easily-fortifiable location I could think of and hope I could wait out the attack or find some other way to get through them.”

There is silence in the car and then Alex shrugs. “All right. So, where’s the most well-stocked and easily-fortifiable location we can think of?

Five minutes later, they find themselves screeching into the parking lot of the local mall. The location almost seems somehow normal, given the situation at hand. In fact, were it not for the shrieking horde behind them or the knowledge that Alex is currently doing seventy into a public lot, it might almost feel a little reminiscent of home. Val almost finds it funny, really. What’s funnier to her than coming to a mall for safety, however, is the fact that they were obviously not the only ones with that idea, as they are definitely not the only ones pulling into the place with a bunch of undead goons straggling along behind them.

---

“Miguel.”

There is a burst of static in his ear as Viktor leans out to empty his 22 into the crowd of creatures still chasing behind the car that had picked him up on the highway. Once within range, he takes out a couple of the ones latching on to the other car that had pulled in to the lot at about the same time, too. When his magazine clicks empty, he makes a snap decision to save his 20 for later and drops back into the seat to reload. The driver glances at him in the rearview, looking a little bit frightened, while the original passenger only eyes him for a moment before leaning out of the other side with a freshly loaded shotgun. His fellow gunner might not be terribly trusting but at least Viktor can respect that. Besides, who needs trust? The guy’s a fairly good shot.

“Zatratím tě, Miguel!” The little girl still curled up beside him whimpers. He can hear it over the gunfire, the static, all of the goddamned zombies. It is grating on his very last nerve. “Odpovídáš mě!”

He could hope for no better response than to lean back out just in time to watch as a line of four hostiles drops one by one.

“En ingles, ’mano.” Another line of undead hit the ground as the line sputters out then clears up again, leaving room for easily the most welcome voice he has ever known. “Now where the Hell have you been?”

Viktor nearly laughs. “We can trade stories later, miláčku. Right now, I need cover fire while I try to get these people into the posraný mall.”

“Going shopping?”

“Sklapni. We try the mall or they come to your shop.”

“How many?”

Viktor glances toward the other vehicle still circling around the parking lot with them. “Eight plus me.”

“Well, if they dropped you—”

“Miguel.”

“Sí, sí, the mall sounds like a plan. There’s a garage off to your right. No good angle for me to shoot the lock off but I can keep the number of uglies down while you get in.”

“Děkuji.”

“That means thank you, sí?”

Viktor rolls his eyes. “Sí.”

The line bursts back into static with a laugh.

---

As it turns out, the garage door does not, in fact, require a shot to the lock. It rolls up just enough for the two cars to through before Dennis’s little hatchback even hits the ramp. On the other side, a young woman motions for them to hurry while two men in security uniforms stand to either side of the entrance to help keep the monsters at bay, though it appears that this Miguel guy really only needs the most basic of assistance. His precision is honestly kind of terrifying and Dennis is just as glad not to see any more examples of it as he swerves off to one side so that the other car has room. Nate and their scarier passenger are both out before he even has the damned thing in park, seeing to it that nothing gets in the way of girl at the door to slam the thing shut.

“We saw you on the security cameras,” of the security guards explains as he climbs up to try and jam the gears.

The other car’s driver takes a moment to collect himself, then grabs a wrench and makes his way over to the ladder. “Here. Let me have a look at that.”

“Figured we couldn’t just leave you out there.” The guard climbs down to let the driver up. “Then Shannon said she thought you were headed this way.”

“Thanks.” Dennis finally climbs out only to stretch over the top of his car.

The woman now known as Shannon simply smiles. “No problem. Mercy for your fellow man or something like that.” She laughs and shrugs, looking slightly flustered, though that is probably to be expected, all things considered. “Anyway, come on. Let’s get you all inside. We’ve got food, clothes, relatively comfortable furniture… We’ll get you poor things all cleaned up and sorted out in no time.”

There is a general rumble of agreement as the little group follows her to the door that leads into the connected store, allowing themselves to be ushered toward where another girl is waiting somewhat impatiently. That is, they all follow along aside from one man, anyway, who simply mutters something into his headset before switching it off and making his way back over to the hatchback. Shannon looks back, confused, as does Nate, though he looks more suspicious about it.

Dennis just sighs. “The little girl.” Then he ducks through the doorway and drags Nate away after the rest.

---

“Come on, holčička.” Viktor crouches down beside the open car door with a sigh as the child remains curled up in the center of the back seat. Children. How did anyone actually deal with children, let alone have them by choice?

The little girl simply whimpers and mumbles, “There are monsters out there.”

Well, at least the stuttering has stopped and he supposes he can concede that she has a fair point. “The monsters are outside, not with us.”

Before he can receive a response or think of anything more convincing to say, there is someone else coming up behind him, bending down to look the child in the eye with a painfully sympathetic and all too sugarcoated smile. He might be able to handle the sight of it at any other time but right now, with everything that he has just been through and the way that she has the gall to place one of her hands on his shoulder as if—God, he would really like to wipe that smile off of her face.

“Hi, there,” she says, voice floating in a way that speaks plainly of a familiarity with appeasing people under the age of seven. “I’m Shannon. What’s your name?”

Caught slightly off-guard, the child squeaks. “Um. I—I’m—” The little girl shoots a quick glance toward Viktor then, almost as if asking permission to speak with this new stranger before she finally answers. “I’m Amanda.”

Shannon’s smile becomes even brighter, even sweeter, if that is even possible, and Viktor has to dig his nails into his palms to keep himself from taking out her kneecaps when she leans even further over him, hand squeezing his shoulder. “Amanda? Well, that’s a pretty name! Are you hungry, Amanda?”

The little girl nods.

“Well, we’ve got all sorts of food inside. We’ve got toys, too, and games and books and all sorts of neat stuff.”

“And—and no monsters?”

Shannon laughs. “And no monsters.”

Still curled up in the seat, Amanda chews worriedly at her lip for a moment longer, eyes flashing back and forth between the two adults still there in the door. Shannon keeps smiling, encouraging. Viktor just stays crouched there with a clenched jaw and a headache starting to build behind his eyes. When the girl finally moves, though, it does not go entirely as expected. Rather than reaching for Shannon’s offered hand, she instead launches herself forward to wrap her little arms tight around Viktor’s neck and duck her head in under his chin, completely unaware of the rather undignified look of surprise that he is entirely unable to keep off of his face. Unhelpfully, all Shannon does in response is giggle.

[readyforit]

hiii abby!! can you post a tutorial for how you make edits like your latest one? the url edit fro taylorswifh? it’s so prettyyy

♡ edit tutorial for this edit, requested by anon ♡

hiii so! this is quite long, but that’s because I wanted to capture my whole entire process to hopefully help you! I used photoshop (2018) for this tutorial, and all the resources I used are listed here (everything except for photoshop is free)! I’ve sort of split this tutorial up into sections, by the different steps. thank you and have a lovely day!! ♡

so before I begin, I always think about the edit, like what I want the final outcome to look like (or if I don’t know what that’ll look like yet, what direction I want it to go in, the main themes/ideas/colour schemes that I have). I personally love using a minimalist range of colours, all of them being light and pastel (that’s just my personal liking though). I also consider the main themes or ideas that I want to translate through my edit. you also need to have the passion and desire to edit, I’ve learned that there’s nothing more draining than editing when you really don’t want to. so I think that you should think about all these things before starting!!

tip; put on some music, it gets your creativity and thinking flowing if you’re in a good mood ldkjkl

so! when creating the edit; first of all, I created a new document in photoshop - 540 x 300 pixels for this specific edit (just because that shows up as high quality on tumblr, but it doesn’t really matter!) when you click ‘create’, a white canvas should open up.

— creating the book

next! I used a book psd for my edit, which you can find and download here!! so I just opened that psd up (a psd is just a photoshop file that has like all the layers in place so it’s not just one photo);

when you open the file up, this is how it should look (well not really, because I’d edited it to look like this, but it should have this general layout);

now what you have to do is sort of literally drag the file out and then, drag all the layers from that file into your white canvas, like this;

— giffing

I just wanted to quickly mention that giffing is definitely an optional step. I do it in pretty much all of my edits, but I wouldn’t recommend it if you’re just beginning to edit, because giffing takes the most time and it can be really draining and messy if not done right ldkjd.

to create my gifs, I use youtube videos, which I download through 4k video downloader (it’s really simple with 4k, you just have to copy the youtube link and paste it into the app!). so to open up a video, go to ‘file’ then ‘import’ and finally ‘video frames to layers’;

once you’ve chosen the video you want to use, open that up (don’t know why that’s so blurry dlkjdlj but you get the idea);

now this should pop up! make sure it’s on ‘selected range only’ and then use the toggles at the bottom to select the specific part of the video that you want to use (I usually gif about 20 frames because it’s sooo much work for me to do more than that lkdjldj)

when you’re in the file, go to ‘window’ then ‘timeline’ for the gif to show up frame by frame;

now highlight the specific frames that you want by literally dragging across them with the timeline bar at the bottom. then click the three bars on the top right of the bar, and click ‘copy frames’;

now go back to your book psd file, and at the timeline bar at the bottom, click ‘create frame animation’;

click on the three bars on the top right of the timeline bar and paste the frames over the selection;

your file should now look something like this! to resize the gif, just press command + t and adjust it from there!

now to give it the effect that it’s a part of the book, you have to create a clipping mask (so it sort of clips onto the book layer like a paper clip). to do this, select all the layers of the gif, drag it right above the layer that you want to clip it onto (the page constraint layer in this case). then right click the gif layers and click ‘create clipping mask’;

as a result, your layers should now look like this. you can use command + t again to adjust the gif size;

tip; press command + g to group the layers together so they take up less space!

now, with your gif, this step is pretty tiring and takes forever dlkdjl, but for the layer to show up in every frame of the gif, you have to click on the box button on the left of each layer so that an eye shows up. you can also press the eye button at the top of the settings, in the unify bar, so that it stays visible throughout the entire gif. I don’t know if I’m explaining it properly dlkdjl but just go through every layer and press the box so an eye shows up.

sometimes the unify button doesn’t work for some reason, and you’ll have to manually go through every single frame just to click on the eye button. it’s excruciating, but it’s worth it in the end lkdjdl

this is how your edit should look now!

now what I do is apply a psd (sort of like a filter) so it looks softer and prettier! these days, all of the psds that I apply come from this lovely pack!

in the same way that you dragged your book psd in, drag the psd *folder* into your edit;

your edit should now look like this!

— adding the photo

now’s the fun part! you can add whatever you want to, but what I did in my edit was I cut out a photo of taylor. now what you can do if you’re running short of time is find a transparent photo of taylor on google or on deviantart, but if you want to take the time to actually crop the photo out like me (even though I’m horrible at it), here’s how I do it! first find the photo you’d like to crop out. I usually use taylorpictures, they have the most high quality photos of taylor!

so find the photo you want to use, copy it;

then just paste it into your edit;

use command + t again to adjust the size;

and now to crop it out, what I do is use the quick selection tool, which is this button right here;

in this mode, you can easily just select the part of taylor that you want to cut out (that sounds weird lkjd);

at the top, there should be a bar with a number of buttons, one of them being ‘select and mask’;

if you click on that, you should be taken to another page, similar to this;

now you can play with the settings on the right, then press ‘ok’ when you’re happy with it (the numbers change for each photo and your style, it entirely depends on how you want it to look);

now you should be back to your edit, click on the ‘add layer mask’ button on the bottom left of your page;

and taylor should now be cropped out from her background!

make sure all the layers are below the psd pack, including the photo of taylor that you just cropped out;

now for the colouring!! ‘selective colour’ is your best friend, and you can find that button here, in your adjustments (if you can’t find your adjustments, go to window > adjustments);

add a clipping mask (by right clicking the layer and clicking ‘create clipping mask’) of the selective colour onto the layer you want to colour, so that it only affects that one layer;

then on the selective colour panel, you can adjust the specific colours in that layer to your liking;

in addition, you can press command + u to change the whole colour scheme, saturation and lightness of the layer. make sure to press ‘ok’ when you’re done;

basically just play around with the colouring until you’re happy with it!

if you want it to look more realistic, you can also play around with the effects (I use layer effects all the time, they’re the best) on the layers bar, so the layer blends into the layers below it, like this;

— adding decoration

now you can decorate your little piece of work with whatever you’d like to, such as a background colour (layer > new fill layer > solid colour) ;

a texture (textures are honestly so amazing and you can find them all over tumblr and google; like you can search the word ‘texture’ up and then paste it into your edit);

I usually place my texture at the top of the edit, then use one of the effects to blend it into all the layers;

final embellishments!! this step is optional you can add anything else that you’d like to, such as pngs (you can search these up on google and paste them into your edit, or find psd packs on tumblr and drag them in). again, you can add selective colour and a layer effect to these layers;

tip; finding already transparent images saves sooo much time, so try doing that instead of cropping the image out.

text;

tip; use a new layer for each line!

and so on. the flowers that I used come from this pack and the wax seal stamp comes from this pack from the beautiful @newrcmantlcs​!! my main advice is to just play around with everything till you’re happy with it. don’t be afraid of deleting something or starting over completely if you’re not.

— giffing again

now to control the speed of the gif, highlight all of the frames, then click on the tiny dropdown button and change the speed to however fast or slow you want each frame to be. I usually make mine 0.1 seconds, but it’s completely up to you (and worth testing it out to see what speed you prefer!)

when you’re happy with everything, it’s time to sharpen it! first, you have to convert the frames to a video timeline, and do this by clicking on the button on the bottom left of the timeline bar.

your timeline should now look like this. everyone’s process is different, like some people like to start off their whole edit with a video timeline, but I find it a lot easier to start with a frame animation then convert it when I’m done with everything.

now to sharpen (in this case at least, sometimes I add a grainy effect instead) it, highlight the layers that you want to sharpen;

then click filter > convert for smart filters. this will turn your layers into one layer.

tip; if you do something you don’t like, command + z!!

now go to filter > sharpen > sharpen;

and your gif should now be sharpened! you can simply go to filter > sharpen if you want to sharpen a layer that isn’t a gif. play around with your edit a bit more until you’re happy, and finally, add a watermark if you’re going to post it online!

finallyyyyy! to save, go to file > export > save for web, if it’s a gif. if it’s a static photo, just click ‘save as’!

and yayyyy, you just finished an edit!!!!!

ahhh so this was my tutorial on how I created this specific edit, I hope it helped! If you create something similar or follow this tutorial, I’d loveee to see it; so if you post it on tumblr, you can tag me with #tuserabigail, or you can just dm me!

my process usually isn’t this rigid or precise, I usually edit on a tangent and in cluttered daydreams, it’s never like “oh, I have to make a gif now” or “ahh it’s time to add a texture!” so really, it’s just about playing around with your edit until you like it! it’s definitely okay to skip some steps or do things in a different order, because like I said, everyone has a different process, and this was just mine for this one specific edit (my process changes all the time too ldkdljk)

anyway, I hope this helped, and thank you!! ♡