#honestly i'd love to talk about it so much and i do even if no one prompts me but if someone ever did that'd be so hard. to avoid spoilers.
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Counterintuitively, Jason trafficking drugs himself, and the way he treats drug dealers in general is actually one of the core reasons I do believe he has a real moral backbone.
In Lost Days we see him mention that he killed his small arms teacher because the smack he was dealing was poisoned. In Nightwing (2016) Annual #2 Jason is particularly violent towards their enemy because he cut his heroin with other substances, leading to his mother's first overdose. In Under the Red Hood, his most important rule is 'no selling to kids', and he is specifically employing people who do sell drugs to adults.
Playing a bit of Headcanon Jazz here - listening to the notes Jason doesn't play as much as the ones he does - It feels really notable to me that dealing drugs is not enough to get on Jason's shit list. On some level Jason thinks it's okay to deal drugs. Even more importantly: Jason doesn't at all imply that drug users are at fault - nor that they need to have the choice to use taken from them 'for their own good'. Heck, I can't remember any instance of him saying that doing drugs is a bad thing.
He has lived with and cared for someone struggling with an addiction that she died to, which would have made it really easy to take him in a 'no leniency, no tolerance, kill all drug dealers and burn all the crack so no one can smoke it' road. Yet that's the opposite of how he's operating.
And I'm putting all that together to get a Jason who firmly believes in harm reduction and that when it comes to drugs, people have a right to risk; they have a right to choose to use. I don't think it's too much further of a stretch to say that he thinks that those who do use should be supported by infrastructure ensuring that their drugs are uncut and properly dosed and that they should have safe places to use and well funded rehab options if they want to quit.
This whole thing is so important to me because it lies completely outside of his emotional conflict of 'I wasn't avenged'; it's proof that there was more to Jason's talk about running Gotham differently than simply killing people.
Factually, there are a huge number of criminal activities that could be used to improve the lives of vulnerable people.
I firmly believe that no government has the right to detain, imprison, deport, et.c. people fleeing violence and persecution in their country of origin. A criminal organization that genuinely had their best interest in mind who could provide access to new identities, jobs, housing, and paperwork for cheap could save and change hundreds of lives. Sex workers, especially survival sex workers who want to quit and move on to a new job, could benefit enormously from protection from the cops, and from landlords kicking them out, and the ability to get criminal charges purged from their records, and lots of other stuff. People who use street drugs need a lot of the same things, as do people who need access to medication but for whatever reason can't get prescriptions the legal way.
This is all stuff that is already a staple of organized crime - they just do it in ways that are insanely abusive and exploitative.
It makes sense that Jason would look at that and think he could make it work! Honestly I'd love to read a comic about him trying! He could be the pinnacle of Be Gay Do Crime! Sadly though, it's very unlikely we ever will, especially because his term as a drug lord was so incredibly short to begin with. Under the Red Hood, a tiny snippet of Robin (1993) and Green Arrow (2001) #69 - #72 is really all we get, and none of those really got into the politics of his organization either.
Tho, there is a tiny snippet we possibly see in Seeing Red, my favorite Jason run ever, and I will take any excuse to talk about it so here we go lol!
This is a comic in which Batman gets some things wrong about Jason, and might be straight up lying to Green Arrow in places too, so I don't think we can take his word for it when he says Jason is driving up the trade. Especially not when Jason hasn't given a single flying fuck about collecting wealth for himself in basically any other appearance ever.
Is he using drugs as a trading good to some capacity? Yes, that's a minor plot point here, however, I think justice is very present in his reasoning. I think Jason is being selective with which shipments he's keeping - testing each and destroying the stuff that's extra dangerous, making sure that what's getting used is as safe as it can be. Plus, he might be reducing the supply so that drug trade can't expand, while considering complete elimination to be flatly undesirable, since it could force users to go cold turkey, something that can be dangerous, or at least very painful.
Now, obviously this is still headcanon territory, we never really see into Jason's head about this specific topic, but I do feel like it's a reasonable way to fill in that gap!
Anyways, this is why I've never felt like Jason's disagreements with Bruce's methods were purely about his own emotional desires. There's too much else surrounding that which he clearly also cares about.
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What do your f/o's hugs feel like?
Breath taking. Literally. Sentomaru is the kind of guy to give big bear hugs when he's feeling playful, but for the most part they are very soft and warm. He's a pretty big guy, so even when he's being gentle I can feel that pleasant pressure that makes me so safe and loved. He likes to rest his chin atop my head while we hug
What are your favorite dates to have with them?
I love movie nights. Sitting together on the couch with his arm around me and my head on his shoulder. I drift off more times than not, and he always carries me to bed and kisses my forehead before whispering "Goodnight, sweetheart". I know this because I may or may not have pretended to fall asleep on him. I think he's caught on to me, but he never brings it up
What are their favorite dates with you?
Definetely stargazing. Laying down on the grass and admiring the nightsky, listening to the sounds of nature. He likes to talk about constellations and the stories behind them, and I like to listen
What's the height difference between you and f/o?
He's 279cm (9'1ft) and I'm 150cm (4'11ft)
On a scale from 1 to 10, with 1 being the least and 10 being the most, how much do they like PDA with you?
I'd say 4, maybe 5. He's not very big on PDA but he does show affection in public in his own, subtle ways: squeezing my shoulder to get my attention, placing a hand on my thigh (or even holding my hand under the table) when I'm feeling uneasy in social settings, tucking a strand of hair behind my ear, stealing glances at me...
What's your favorite feature about your f/o?
Oooh, that's a difficult oneee but if I had to choose, I'd say his hands!
What do you think they smell like?
Honestly? I have never thought about that. I'll think of something and update this...
What is your f/o's biggest love language?
I'd say acts of service and gift giving. He's not very good at expressing his emotions, so he shows he cares by seeking me out when he's got the time, sometimes bringing with him a little something. It's not anything fancy, maybe he saw something I liked or needed and got it for me, and many times he shares his food with me
Do you guys sleep in the same bed? If so, what's it like sleeping with them?
We do sometimes, mostly in his and when I come over to see him. Sleeping with him in winter is the best since his body temperature is naturally very warm and he loves being the big spoon, but during summer it's best if we either sleep on opposites sides of the bed or apart. We still get back together to wish each other good morning, though ( ꈍᴗꈍ)
What's your favorite headcanon about your f/o?
He participates in Sumo matches in his spare time (and I stand first row to cheer him on) ����️
What's the dynamic that you and your f/o have?
Those two awkward idiots who are into each other and everyone is able to see it but them because they're too shy and insecure. Also the short-tempered "Ew, people" introvert (him) and the people pleasing "Oh, no. People..." introvert (me)
What does your f/o do for you when you're having a bad day?
He's a great listener and the kind of person to provide solutions right off the bat, but he knows judging by my expression while he talks when I need comfort instead of logical approaches to the problem
Do you like to hold hands? If so, what's that like?
I! Love!! Holding!!! Hands!!!!
As a matter of fact, it's the one (obvious) PDA we're comfortable with. We're not the kind of couple to do kissing in public. Holding hands with him is nice, but again his body temperature makes his palms sweaty fast. Not like I mind <3
Do they like to give you little kisses? If so, where's their favorite place to kiss?
He loves those! Only in private, though. His favorite place is my nose. He says it's very round and cute... ( •͈ᴗ•͈)
Vice versa, do YOU like giving THEM little kisses? If you, where's YOUR favorite place to kiss?
I ADORE giving him little kisses! Similarly to him, I feel most comfortable doing it in a more private setting. My favorite place to kiss is his cheek!
What's your favorite leisure activity to do with your f/o?
Training! I'm not a very sporty person, but I enjoy keeping him company while he's training even if I'm doing my own thing
What's your favorite compliment that your f/o gives you? What's your favorite nickname that they use for you, if they have one?
His compliments are more "practical", if that's the right word. He praises me when I push through or when I get something right. His way of complimenting my appearance is subtler, but it's my favorite, nonetheless. As for nicknames, he's not the kind of guy to use them, but he does call me "sweetheart" from time to time. Only in private, though
What's your favorite compliment to give THEM? What's your favorite nickname to call them?
I'm horrible at giving compliments. When he does something I find attractive or puts on something nice, I short-circuit and panic. Me personally I like to call him Sen. It's just the shortened version of his name, but I think it's cute!
I want everyone to have the chance to ramble about their romantic f/os, so I'm gonna make a reblog game where yall can answer the plethora of questions I'm gonna toss down. Any of the questions you want to answer, as little or as much as you'd like!! I'll read them all. PR.O.SHIP DNI!!! AT ALL! GET OUT-
SO!! SELFSHIPPERS! RIDDLE ME THIS:
What do your f/o's hugs feel like?
What are your favorite dates to have with them?
What are their favorite dates to have with you?
Do you have any songs that remind you of them? Do they have any songs that make them think of you?
What's the height difference between you and your f/o?
On a 1-10 scale, with 1 being the least and 10 being the most, how much do they like PDA with you?
What's your favorite feature about your f/o?
What do you think they smell like?
What is your f/os biggest love languages? They don't have to be one of the "five", it can be anything specific they use to show you love.
Do you guys sleep in the same bed? If so, what's it like sleeping with them?
What's your favorite headcanon about your f/o?
What is the dynamic that you and your f/o have?
What does your f/o do for you when you're having a rough day?
Do you like to hold hands? If so, what's that like?
Do they like to give you little kisses? If so, where is their favorite place to kiss? (Face, hands, etc)
Vice versa, do YOU like to give them little kisses? If so, where is YOUR favorite place to give them?
What's your favorite silly leisure activity to do with your f/o?
What is your favorite compliment that your f/o gives you? What is your favorite nickname that they for you, if they have one?
What's your favorite compliment to give THEM? What is your favorite nickname to call them?
Okay I can't wait to see some answers!! Feel free to reblog as many times with as many f/os as you want. ANYONE CAN PARTICIPATE! SEEING THIS POST IS AN INVITATION FOR YOU!!
People I'd like to see answer this off the top of my head (but don't have to!!): @moxanji-real @one-winged-dreams @lovesickvalentines @graveluvr @clawingatmy-enclosure @starshakez @jpeg-indulgence @everynya @tropgothships @selfshipping-tboy @amelielovesamaris @pixel-comfort @fl0ralsxgar
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anyways about today's episode!
FIRST OF ALL!!! MY FAVOURITE PART!!! THE HORROR ELEMENTS!!!
guys,,,, sobbing. my day was shit and this was exactly the kinda episode I needed
I love shitty found footage horror so much and this was exactly it. they were so stupid and perfect throughout the whole thing. Mario feeling like a genuine threat too, especially with coming through the monitor the ring style, crazy stuff. I love when the crew takes advantage of the amount of edge Mario capable of because he IS dangerous and it's good to be reminded of that. It also shows why you can't have him as a true arc villain, because with enough runtime, he COULD get bored enough to destroy so much it becomes permanent. It's scary and I love that about him.
Also the animation was on point, so was the pacing, I barely ever felt lost, besides the found footage doing it's found footage thing but that didn't stop me from understanding it. And the BEGINNING.......... wonderful WONDERFUL cold open, immediately hooked, really good episode. Characters I think I said were also on point. Though it would be fun if we had episodes like this, as in horror parody episodes that involved other characters. Like a slasher movie parody type deal. Imagine Saiko in that aaaougggghhh it would go HARD I say HAAARD only problematic one to include that in is Melony because it feels like if she can't do anything it's an arc villain amount of scary which ougghghh even though I'd love Melony in a good horror parody episode
now uhmn. the Big thing, which I saw other ppl talk about, it's just not the main aspect of the episode for me
I think the 34 moments felt a liiiiiittle bit more earned because uh. they had denial. I think it's like mandated for them
first of all the catch scene, 3 rolls his eyes then lets go of him
then, when they get inside the fridge
realise they're trapped together and both go "EWWW" which I found funny, I actually had to rewind that part because it went by so fast I barely realised what I was hearing
also when 4 was saying "at least we'll got out knowing we tried our best" I really thought they were gonna do the hugging thing like 4's dying project version of them were doing in the Mario pc virus episode, I think it would've been a funny call back and would've made the picture Mario took of them WAAAY more embarrassing
also I really like ppl saying that 3 is a bad influence on 4 <3 they're so right, considering Mario is one of his besties, he of course would be into morally gray men #mar34
the humour was also on point honestly, very fitting for all the characters, like 3's self awareness jokes which he seemed to gain these days, I'll note that for fanfics, the jokes about how to stop Mario, 4 taking it on himself to bless salt with some bootleg cross which- 3's reaction was crazy, he has NO chill /VERY VERY aff
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I don’t understand when I see people saying that DickKory was toxic. Like, Dick was more reserved at first, but during their relationship, he learned to open up precisely because of the sense of freedom Kory gave him, and that was what he loved most about her. And then when I look at DickBabs, there are panels where Babs watches Dick through cameras and gets jealous when other women get close to him. Like, if DickKory is toxic, then what is DickBabs?
Yeah the only real toxicity I see is his behavior on Tamaran when Kory was getting married (Which he was literally under mind control by Brother Blood) but they talked that over and worked past it.
I've seen people say that Dick is controlling of Kory. But the only thing he really tries to change from her is her being willing to kill. And I'm sorry if she's gonna be a hero on Earth she can't kill. Not only because it's illegal but it would reflect badly on all the Titans and honestly tell me would you feel safe with an alien who says she's a hero but will kill whoever she deems as a serious enough threat. I'd be terrified. Dick only wanted her to not kill (Also probably wear clothes when in public but again that's a legal issue anyway even without his personal feelings) anything else she wanted to do she could do. She was literally a super star model who canonically did nude shoots before (And not just Mirage disguised as her she states she's done them before on her terms) One of the things Dick admires most about Kory is her freedom, why would he try to control that freedom if he admired it so much?
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Plus even if you see that as an issue Dick even admits himself he may have been wrong (I don't think he was but still a good panel either way)
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Were Dick and Kory perfect? No of course not. No couple real or fictional is perfect. But they were a couple who were honestly pretty healthy they listened and communicated. When they had issues they talked them out because they love each other and wanted to be together and work their issues out.
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as someone who’s autistic i also really get the feeling that luigi is on the spectrum and i have nobody to talk about it with because i feel weird like armchair diagnosing him😭
his mannerisms really give it away for me. he’s overly expressive and literally cannot talk without using his hands—and also he comes off to other people as maybe “suspicious” which i really relate to and honestly makes me sad because he’s just chilling!! he might seem like he’s up to something to some but he just seems to me like he’s naturally very antsy and maybe uncomfortable in his own body so he fidgets a lot. i’ve done that little half stretch with the arms raised too many times to count. that’s not even mentioning his little default stance with the hands clasped in front of him or that stupid face he does in pictures sometimes where he scrunches up and looks like he’s gonna bite a bitch
and before he went missing he mentioned to some people feeling “different” from everybody else, like he was on a different wavelength, and that SCREAMS undiagnosed autistic to me. the “npc behavior” he described being so concerned with feels like an extension of this—i think maybe he felt like someone whose feelings are so so big in a world that seems to not feel much at all anymore. that feeling of not belonging and being out of place is the most autistic thing anyone can experience and i feel for him so much. if he does happen to be on the spectrum i wish he could’ve found some kind of community of other neurodivergent people that get him and share similar struggles because maybe then he wouldn’t have felt so alone. idk this turned into a RANT sorry i���m very passionate about autism can you tell
NONNIE YOU'RE SO FUCKING REAL OMG Thank you so much for this ask, you expressed so clearly how I feel about it too!!
As a fellow autistic, at least in my personal experience, I can easily tell when someone clocks that I'm autistic, despite the fact I'm extroverted and a pretty confident person. I think Luigi falls under that too.
No matter how hard you can try to not seem that way, there will be neurotypicals that see it. They'll usually play it up as "weird" or "suspicious" like you said, I've had it a handful of times. It's just how we are, lol.
I think it's unfortunate that he found community in a bunch of incels online, but I can understand why he would be drawn to that despite how smart he is and how his brain ticks. We don't know him personally so there's no telling what his political thoughts are entirely. Man is an enigma in that sense – which also makes sense for being neurodivergent.
With such wealth and an overbearing family, it's easy to understand why he would just want to get away. Find peace outside of everything he'd ever known. I feel the same sometimes.
It also makes sense for his distaste for technology, or at least somewhat of it. We get overstimulated easily and the world was already going haywire and towards something unhopeful, flooding socials and the media in general, before all of this, so I can at least comprehend why he would want to disappear.
Luigi's Reddit posts I feel go more into him as a person outside of silly twitter posts, the way he would randomly info dump about things is a big tism flag for me.
(example, the sunglasses post, lmao. "Fun fact" babes, no one asked x)
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I mentioned before how it can feel weird to talk about, but I genuinely do think it's okay to feel that connection, regardless of who it is.
(Btw pls feel free to DM me whenever!! I'd love to hear more on everyone's thoughts on this.)
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soooo babe, what do we think about a little fic where auston facetimes you before every game because you are his lucky charm?🤭💚🤞🏼
*bing, bing, bing, bing*
You had been waiting with your phone next to you for the last hour, anticipating Auston's call. You were sitting on the sofa, leaning with your back against the arm, knees pulled up and wrapped in a large blanket. When his video call invitation took over your screen, you wasted no time answering. You were so excited that you had to be careful not to spill the hot tea you had been sipping when you heard it.
"Hey, mami," Auston said with an instant smile, seeing you on the other end.
"Hey, sweetheart! How are you feeling?"
His brown eyes looked like caramel against the sunlight streaming in through the windows he was seated by. You could tell he had just gotten up from his post-practice nap, and obviously couldn't wait to call you. A man of many pre-game rituals, Auston had his habits and one of them included giving you a call --either on video or by phone as he drove to the arena-- before every single game, since the two of you had become an item. The first time he had done it, the Leafs had won, and he just felt like keeping the habit going, in the hopes that maybe it would happen again. Not to mention, he just really liked talking to you.
"I'm pretty good, still waking up. What about you? I hope you're feeling better." You watched as his eyes wandered over you slightly. "I'd love to be there with you. You look pretty comfy."
"You know you're welcome anytime! And I'm okay, doing better than yesterday, so I can't complain." After dealing with the flu for the past week, you were thankful to finally be feeling like yourself. That had been the reason you weren't going to the game tonight.
Auston smiled at you while you spoke, just in love with the sound of your voice much as you were with his. Everything about him made your heart flutter: from his smile, his laugh, his little gestures, all of it.
"I wish you could be there, but I understand why you can't. You've got three days to get better," he laughed lightly. "Need my lucky charm sitting next to the bench with me."
You could feel your face grow hot. Why had that made you blush? Was it the fact that Auston was confessing how much he meant to you --calling you his good luck charm-- and honestly meaning it? Was it him making you the center of his world whenever he could, especially during busy game days? Why were you so surprised?
He caught the change in your face, "Are you alright? Your face looks flushed."
You tried to hide it by taking a sip of your tea, peering at him over the rim of the cup, but it was no good. "Mhm, yeah, I'm-- fine!"
Auston raised an eyebrow suspiciously, smiling. "Are you blushing?"
"No! Well-- maybe!"
"You're adorable."
"See, it's stuff like that that does it!"
His whole face lit up as he smiled wider, looking down. Was he blushing now? It was hard to tell against his tanned skin tone, but it made you feel better thinking that he was just as flustered as you were.
"It's good to see you smile," he added, finally returning his face to look at you. "I was worried about you."
You appreciated his concern, and moved quickly to reassure him that everything was alright, "It was just the flu, baby! I'm okay now!"
"I didn't know you could sleep that much," he teased. "I missed you."
Playfully, you rolled your eyes, "I'm sure you were just fine~"
"I was lost without you," Auston replied, giving you his best puppy dog eyed pout. "You left me all alone...for days!"
You had to laugh at his dramatic display. Even though he was just hamming it up for you, to make you smile, you had wished that you could have given him a little more attention --check-ins-- during that span of time, but being sick had taken more from you than you had realized.
"I'm sorry~ Forgive me?"
"Only because you're so damn cute."
Both of you shared a laugh followed by a quiet moment after. You knew he couldn't stay on the call too much longer, and neither of you were ready to let the other go.
"I'll call you on my way home, okay? Well, I'll text you first, make sure you're awake."
"I'll be up! I'm going to watch the game!"
Auston smiled, "I know, but that post-game stuff takes a bit. You still need to rest. I can always call you in the morning."
"But--," you tried to interject, but failed.
"Mami-- you need your rest. I'll still text you good night. Don't make me feel bad because I woke you up," he frowned slightly. "Be kind to your body."
His protective nature had your heart fluttering. He was so kind, so considerate. "If I get tired, I'll go to bed. I promise."
"Thank you," he winked, before catching sight of the time. "Hey, I've gotta get Felix out and get around. Like I said, I'll text you, okay?"
"Mhm," you nodded, sad that he had to go, but understanding why. "Be careful tonight, and good luck!"
"I will," he promised. "I love you."
"I love you more!"
Before Auston ended the call, he left you with one more reason to blush, "Next goal is for you."
#🗣 hockey mom daydreams#😍😍 video call with Papi!?#where do I pay!?#auston matthews imagine#auston matthews fanfic#auston matthews fic
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#single's inferno#tehwan is so fucking awkward like he's just standing there and I can feel the awkwardness through the screen it's like he's just so uncomf💀#aah poor minseol she's so cute🤣 youjin is so cute too#finally jeongsu is showing a side I'm actually liking with youjin lol I wasn't expecting this#also didn't expect to like junseo and sian so much agh but what about theo#I don't think dongho likes haelin he definitely likes arin#never thought I'd feel bad for jeonsu but his face after he saw sian leaning on junseo wow made me feel sad also why did sian come in first#minseollllllll my girl I was cheering for you lmao😭#also I was sure junseo only saw minseol as a younger sister but after he said she was on his mind during paradise and was shouting tips at#her during the game I'm like? maybe not? probably yes but maybe not? lol#I was right ofc junseo doesn't like minseol aaaaah poor girl and aaah whoaa I can't believe sian turned theo down#he's also sweet and kind why didn't she go for him instead of jeongsu😩#anyway if it's between junseo and jeongsu than I reaaaaaaaaaaaally hope it's junseo bc jeongsu and sian were so boring together#or maybe she will still choose theo in the end? lmao I don't think so but you never know#between theo and junseo I'm thorn between junseo and jeongsu JUNSEO PLEASE OH GOSH PLEASE#even if junseo just saw minseol as a cute younger friend I still liked their friendship#ah seriously you can't make men feel comfortable and be friendly cause they take you for granted#you have to make them feel NERVOUS taylor swift is a psyho but maybe she was right when she said men only want love if it's torture🤣#I'm joking..... partially..... sian still probably made him a little nervous and I think ppl are a little too extreme about junseo#he's rough but he even said he's gonna try to be more gentle to sian and he didn't give minseol fake hopes he was very straightforward#but still nice#now that it's just two episodes till the end I think there was no couple or contestant that I was super into this season#in season two I loved seulki and dex so much and season three there was hajeong and gwanhee even tho I hated gwanhee sometimes#season 1 I liked jia and her puppy (forgot his name lmao) but it wasn't that special same with theo and minseol#so theory going around is that taehwan only went on the show to promote his job... and honestly I know a lot of ppl probably do this but at#at least they fake well? lmao that's why he is so weird and was so desperate to go to paradise with jiyeon bc he HAD TO TALK ABOUT HIS JOB#also he couldn't connect with anyone and was acting like a mf robot#I love that everyone was enjoying him oh he's such a green flag but I was right about him all along dude seriously creeps me out Idk why bu#I have a sixth sense for these things
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I'm not a "new musical theatre style music" person. Never have been.
Even when I was doing voice lessons, I'd steer towards the golden age or jazzy musical theatre songs. My voice teacher would have to drag me kicking and screaming towards adding anything new musical theatre to my repertoire. For a while, the most modern song in my book was I Know The Truth from Aida, and I wouldn't count that as new musical theatre style since I mean more the Pasek&Paul or Joe Iconis type.
And now I have an audition coming up for a small production of a show in that style and I'm supposed to sing a song in a similar style. And I'm looking at all my sheet music like... let me do some Cole Porter... or Gershwin... at least Sondheim please...
#look i do have SOME newer musicals in my book. but like i said. kicking and screaming.#i'm probably gonna end up doing 'I Think That He Likes Me' which is not IN a musical it's just new musical theatre style#as part of a songbook for some writing duo that i can't remember the name of and it's 2:45am so i can't care enough to look it up.#and it's the only one in my sheet music folder that i'm like 'ok. this is TRULY the right style' and i know it's good in my voice#and it's a cute song and i do like it and it definitely fits the overall vibe of the show#and though i haven't sung it in like 4 years i still remember 90% of the words and have time to study it before the audition#but while trying to find that song deep deep in my folder i pass by other songs i just love so much more#and i'm like ahhhhhhhh why#and i'm not even like 'god i hope i get it' (see A Chorus Line. that's more my type) i truly don't care if i'm cast or not#and yes i can technically audition with any song i could ever want it's just suggested to do the same style#but i know the entire creative panel who i'll be auditioning for and the last 2 times i auditioned for them i sang the same song#only because it's a GOOD song that fit both shows i was auditioning for (Can't Stop Talking About Him by Frank Loesser)#(perfect audition song since it's short at like 28 bars and you can pick the tempo and do a lot of character stuff)#(but see this is what i mean. like 1/3 of my entire sheet music folder is golden age musicals. then half is 60s-90s.)#(and then the last chunk are the few new-ish musical theatre and some pop music.)#(if i took performing more seriously i'd have a wider range but this is truly just for fun and just for me. so i do what i like.)#i don't want to go in for a 3rd audition with the same creative team and doing the same song. especially since it doesn't fit this time.#so once again. dragged kicking and screaming. over to new musical theatre territory. unwillingly.#if i get cast we'll have to see if the show itself even grows on me since honestly i think there's maybe 2 songs i like in it.#it's definitely not the worst new musical theatre style show but it's also not one that drew me in.#ok wait while looking through lists of 'new musical theatre' shows to find one i actually like (i think just Legally Blonde sorry guys)#(every other new musical in the last 20 years that i like did something interesting with the music like Come From Away)#i ended up finding out that apparently 13 was adapted into a netflix movie? when did that even happen?#i mean i don't care for that show either but i thought i was at least up to date on movie adaptations.
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I hate allistics so fucking bad*. Autistic people will literally go "I'm pretty sure this guy has autism and at the very least you are demonizing autistic traits while you talk about him so could you talk about what he actually did wrong instead of how creepy, weird, insane, and psycho you think he is" and allistics will go "not all NTs are autistic, I'm not autistic and also I don't have a degree, nor am I this person's therapist but I'm pretty sure he has narcissistic personality disorder, another thing I don't have" bc he's low empathy and lied. Like fuck off. Autistic people saying "hey you're demonizing traits we have and it's very hurtful, just bc something would make you personally uncomfortable doesn't mean it's a moral failing" and getting the response "well actually it is and also it can't be autism bc autism is quirky so instead I'm going to demonize your traits passively while actively demonizing a different group of people bc they also make me uncomfortable" is fucked up.
This is an "I make NTs and occasionally NDs uncomfortable bc I am off putting and popular media likes yo act like there's something inherently wrong with me bc of things I can't control" safe space. If you're a freak and a weirdo and off putting, I love you.
*And if you're allistic and this doesn't apply, then it's not about you, congratulations, you're a rarity.
#like i can go grab screenshots if y'all want this is specifically about the response to Matthew on l0ve is blind#i did sensor love so it doesn't come up in that search idk if people on tumblr are into it but i'd rather not reach them if they are#i watched a recap/reaction vid by kennie and honestly might have to stop watching her bc she can't seem to help herself#yes he fucked up and was an asshole but that has nothing to do with most of the stuff they're calling him weird for#fucking sick of it#and even if he's not autistic they're very much talking about traits that a large portion of autistic people have#i was literally sitting their going 'wait but i do that thing that you hate and are calling weird and psychopathic'#edit: i will actually not go get screenshots bc they're super fucking triggering. people fucking suck
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Hi, just popping in to say I'm alive, still working on the next chapter and those ask responses, everything's good. |'D In case anyone was worried!
#i'm so sorry it's taking so long y'all#i'm just going through some INTENSELY STRESSFUL SHIT and it's taken a huge toll on me#but i'm doing my best i promise#i've had to take quite a few mental health breaks in the past few months#didn't help that a big part of the chapter was pretty difficult to write from a linguistic and technical perspective#but i've completed it!! now i just... gotta write the rest :'))))#maybe i'll do another poll for splitting the chapter or not because my god i am gonna finish this one in august at this rate#also random thoughts but#sometimes i think it'd be nice to join fnaf servers and meet and talk to people#make some more friends who love fnaf as well with whom i could talk and stuff#i keep going ''hmmm that'd be nice'' BUT#then i remember how i barely am active even on the server i am a mod for and i think of how big this fandom is#and i break into hives just thinking about it lmao#i don't want to be in a huge server i know it'll just stress me out and i'll end up muting it forever OTL#i perform so much better in little groups or one on one#but#to find these cool little groups or the cool people to talk to 1-on-1 i NEED to go through these hugeass servers and honestly no thank you#i am too autistic for this ;v;)#or maybe i am just growing old :'3#i know there are some very cool people who follow me (how did it even happen i do not know) who i'd love to reach out to#who probably don't even realize that we'd be mutuals if it wasn't for this being a sideblog i can't follow back from#and i kinda want to keep my main blog kinda private just for online living hygiene reasons#*long wistful sighing* ah well
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I so badly want to have more people in my life, but holy shit I'm so fucking bad at building relationships
#it's so tiring and exhausting and anxiety fueling#but also i love talking to people so much#i love hearing about what other people are doing and the things they love#it's just that i always feel like im doing it wrong#and it fills me with so much anxiety that i dread doing it even though i want to#like i finally started using dating apps and that shit is so scary#and im in a new place and i still dont drive so i dont know where anything is nor can i even get there#and i want date i want to go out with people but it just fills me with dread#like someone asked me out last night and i just haven't responded bc i have now idea how to???#i hate feeling this way so damn much#i know anxiety is a mental illness i fucking know it#but some part of me really thought that i wouldn't always be this way#i thought that i would grow out of it that it lessen and I'd be able to exist without being in a constant state of panic#which is dumb because i know that's not how this shit works#and honestly im probably autistic too so I know I'll always have issues with building and keeping relationships#it's just so tiring to want something so badly and being so unequipped to acquire it#anyway#life has been weird lately#personal
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it's been nearly two years and i'm still mad about the time my grandmother forced me to debate lgbt rights at a family reunion lunch with her, her catholic husband and a catholic priest. i was just now in the shower and i kept imagining all the snarky comebacks i could have said. if i had chosen that moment to come out to my family (i don't know a single soul on that family tree who is out) it would have been a disaster but also such a fucking power move
#but i'm continuously suprised by my emotions#like why do i care so much???#might be that my grandmother facetimes me two days ago and spoke of how proud of me she is and that she wishes i'd visit this summer#like goddamn talk about conditional love#she's made several queer students of her's go back into the closet#even converted a few to catholicism :(#no doubt in my mind that she'd try to convince me that this is the devil's (or swedish lib propaganda) work#but seriously it must have been obvious to anyone at that table that i cared a little Too Much for me to be just an ally#also had my first panic attack in years right after that convo 🥰 tnx gma#mine#she's the only grandparent i've had a relationship with though#granddad1: deadbeat+abusive+alcoholic+dead#grandma1:died before i was born#granddad2:quite honestly maybe a pedo. mom even recently confessed that's why she never left me alone with him#i love oversharing on tumblr lol
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a part of me is glad barely anyone has ever asked me about ffxiv bcs if you did i will... i am so insane.....
#⋯ ꒰ა starry thoughts ໒꒱ *·˚#when i say ffxiv means everything to me i do mean everything. it saved me honestly#but i am obsessed with it healthily! anyway... ffxiv i love you so much :((#honestly i'd love to talk about it so much and i do even if no one prompts me but if someone ever did that'd be so hard. to avoid spoilers.#tbf tho some stuff are not really spoilers like why 'what angel wakes me' is absolutely genius in its composition#??? yeah#literature references ... ohh i am so braindead but i have so much to say indeed#OH ESPECIALLY MYTHOLOGY REFERENCES ACTUALLY ... also the lore of ffxiv is just absolutely fascinating it is my favorite ever#idk. i just love ffxiv way too much and i wish others who are actually my friends would enjoy with me#BUT IT IS FINE ..... anyway ffxiv. i loveu#talk to me about raha and themis i will talk for hours. also excuse the crying sorry about that
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idk i think it's so funny I went down a survival horror game rabbit hole when a) I'm too freaking anxious for horror games I will make myself cry, b) it was all PS2 stuff which is extra funny bc I've never even played on someone else's playstation let alone had one, i was always a wii kid lol. but now my brain is like ah yes. time to consume everything I can about games I can't even play and that are stupid expensive/hard to get now
#also i love that people draw jennifer from rule of rose and fiona from haunting ground together#they're just two girls with their dogs and in horrible situations and you know im glad they get to have dogs#any game where i get to have a pet is alright by me even if shit is otherwise majorly fucked#anyway. i do need to play pathologic. it's funny bc in theory it is really the kind of thing I'd like bc there's so much stuff to uncover#plus i think classic HD (which is the version i have) fixes the bad translation so it's not even like it's too hard to understand#at least only hard to understand in the intended pathologic-y way anyway#and i really really like the soundtrack#and everything I've watched and read about it is sick as hell (no pun intended) so i think the thing making me unable to get into it is the#actual experience of playing it. like it's funny how much of an asshole dankovsky is but that doesn't mean I *want* to play as an asshole#its funny the only time i really like playing that way is in skyrim bc im just. greenish elf that picks everyone's locks bc it was the first#thing i figured out and characters will just ???? let me fucking do it??? (i say having gotten arrested in whiterun like immediately)#i guess because I'm not invested in any of the characters yet because i havent had time to sit down and really play it#i guess that'd kind of be the way i play in lotro but that's more just me not interacting with other players#fun fact i think i still have one of the earliest fellowship quests sitting unfinished bc i can never form groups to finish them#i don't think I'll even ever get good at lotro though honestly#more just knowing what buttons to spam#idk i played hunter FOREVER but minstrel is really really growing on me#even though some of the skills are kinda wasted since i only ever play alone#anyway what was i talking about
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I once was talking with my pharmacy manager about... democracy, about how while there's plenty of stupid people in the world we'd all probably prefer didn't vote, that it was very very hard to actually make a line that makes sure only wise people vote while keeping all the idiots out
And I basically said to him "think of all the doctors and pharmacists you know who are smart, well educated people, who you 100% don't think make good choices"
From the look and his face, I'd say that spoke to him (it's incredible how many smart idiots there are in the world, isn't it?)
Anyway, I make that point because it much more addresses the whole concept of... lets call it democracy of the fit
Like it sounds great till you actually take even one second to think about it. It's almost like trying to draw any line in the sand for who it's ok to disenfranchise is not only dumb and ineffective, but also super dangerous. Ah man, I'm sorry, you scored too low on this test which happens behind closed doors and is graded by my political ally... it's not like you disagreeing with me had anything to do with that
(I'd hope we don't even need to touch on why the idea that testosterone levels are a really stupid useless way to decide who gets to vote, cause if that's true then we don't even have to disenfranchise anyone, we can just give out steroids and have the best country in the world... or is it only naturally produced T that makes you a free thinker?)
oh hey just in case anyone who left twitter is wondering how things are going over there
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last night elon tweeted a 4chan screenshot (with bonus antisemitic text in the OP image) advocating for only “high status males” in government and the implied repeal of women’s suffrage. Cool cool cool
#as if elon musk is a free thinker instead of someone that gets lead around by the nose nonstop#and seriously; you'll forgive me if I give hormone levels absolutely zero credit when it comes to intellectual inner workings#...mhh... I'm reminded of someone I know who was talking to me and saying he thought that low testosterone#was causing him to have trouble focusing on things#and it's like... my dude...#you have ADHD; just the other day you were talking to me about when you were younger and spent years talking to a therapist about this#and how they had you on medications to help you with your ADHD... and... you're not on any meds right now#perhaps you less need testosterone and more need... your ADHD meds#but to be clear; this is the guy I'll refer to sometimes on here as Dr Jekyll and Mr Dumbass#cause he's capable of being either real smart; or saying the stupidest edgy shit you've ever seen#...and... I honestly feel like there's a strong correlation between which of those he is and how much weed he's been smoking#but like... people get way to fixated on estrogen and testosterone... especially dudes getting fixated on... well... both of those actually#'the soy has too much estrogen; it'll make me a woman' that's... that's not how any of this fucking works#'if I just got on testosterone everything would be cured for me' often... you hear those ads and they talk about stuff like hair loss#I had a teacher in high school who was bald specifically cause he had too much testosterone#he was quite literally a big bearded bald mountain man; lived up in the mountains with no running water#would come into town on his motorcycle and shower at the YMCA and then taught at our school; everyone still to this day loves him#real great teacher in a lot of ways... and I think he'd be the first to say you're stupid of you think his testosterone is what makes him#people are their choices and their thoughts and their actions; not just a readout of hormones#just such an idiotic shit show of an idea on how the world works#'oh lets just have a council of high testosterone men... and autistic' my dude you're being fucking weird and fucking stupid#I'd love if only people with good ideas could vote; but there's literally no way to make that happen#and lets be blunt that no one would agree on what that looks like; and in the end that's called a dictatorship#where a select group of people who are so smart that they'll always vote for the leader has a sham democracy#so we're not doing that; and since we're not doing that I'm just telling you that there's no way to weed out stupid voters#and again; T levels is the stupidest of them all; cause if that's true just give everyone steroids#this is just so stupid; and it's being said by someone who can't even understand how stupid they are#(which... is most people who spout alpha bullshit; which anyone who knows anything knows alpha stuff in wolves was dropped)#(and the person who said this actually has no value was the person who put forward the idea)#(realized his model was messed up by the situation the captive wolves were in and it wasn't actually true in the larger world)
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Knowing how much Yuri tics with "ma" and "oi" just fills me with life and joy.
#GTF Vesperia Things#GTF Yuri Things#starting to wonder if at this rate I just want to have a separate ''things'' tag for Vesperia and for Yuri...#also fwiw Yuri says ''ma/maa'' 68 times in Rays and ''oi/oi oi'' 54 times unless I /missed/ some#yes i combed the entire script. yes i counted.#yes i may or may not end up combing vesperia's script over it too#it's just rly cute... but most things yuri does are cute... silly little guy... cute silly guy...#except when flynn is in danger then he's just downright terrifying#im still not actually convinced that yuri did NOT have torture in mind when he confronted baldo and nazar#like he was scary when he threatened cumore saying it's about time for you to get off the stage#confronting baldo and nazar tho? yyyyikes! inb4 I make a comparison video between those two scenes#bc I'd argue my silly little guy's scariest moment in Vesp was with Cumore#but scary does not even properly express him threatening Baldo and Nazar#this has nothing to do with his cute little ticcing anymore but listen now i have two missions#edit: i checked the vesperia script at the beginning of the game and already snagged one so now im determined#he said it once before i even realized he'd said it bc the first time i recalled was during the battle tutorial#he says it so much it goes over my head sometimes but that's just honestly adorable and i love#im so used to it i don't even hone in on it or recognize it bc it's so common#EDIT EDIT: NO WHY AM I TEMPTED TO TRANSLATE ALL OF YURI'S LINES I HATE THIS#I LOVE HIM AND HOW HE TALKS SO MUCH AND THAT'S THE CULPRIT BUT LIKE.#you know what okay maybe I will do that. I just gotta. get through this first. bc.#it'd take too long to count these AND tl at the same time right... ... ...right... ...#NAH BRO I'M TLING RAYS I CANT' GET SIDETRACKED... ...well i guess i can. for yuri...#what if i just do both....... what if i just... do both.............#ACTUALLY YOU KNOW WHAT IF I DO TL YURI'S LINES IN VESP#I CAN TL ALL THE MAS AND OIS YES I CAN god help me..........
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