#honestly i want a lot of things...oh and a journal. i want one so bad rn. i miss writting in those things. but its hard to find cheap -

[beatcroc]

a year!!! as of today i have now been drawing these funny little pizza freaks, to the exclusion of almost everything else, for!!! an entire year!!! i wanted to do a nice group shot/lineup of everybody to compare to when i first started trying to draw them because oh boy were they bad. i never even posted most of them anywhere because they were so bad. but im posting them here, now, to see how everything's changed/evolved.

this is probably the hardest time i've ever had trying to figure out how to work with a style, but we got there eventually; i'm pretty happy with the handle i've got on everybody now...dont let ur memes be dreams. lots of unimportant journaling and idle thoughts abt it below.

older pics

the first one is the VERY first time i drew them, before i thought i was going to actually have any interest in drawing them [lmao]; it was just the one isolated image, for my friendserver, to illustrate the funney message, so there was no attempt to make it Good or actually understand anything going on w/ the designs or style.

second is the original run of practices sketches to start trying to figure them out for real; done after i started having ideas for the comics and such and realized oh god maybe i am actually gonna draw fanart for this. [again, lol, and lmao.]

third one is the first pt art thing i posted on here. there were a couple weeks of sprite studies between this one and the previous image. the one on the top right wasn't part of that post i just threw it on as space filler; i'd intended to shift to doing Sprite Redraws But Stylized to explore tings more, but that was the only one i did. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

individual characters

peppino: by far the hardest dear god. bro what ARE your shapes how DOES your face work. jesus christ. everything i have trouble with this style for, peppino has it in excess. i draw in polygons! i need consistency! and that is the last thing this kind of style is concerned with. they are made of squarshy clay and i do not understand how to mold them. i was really hoping trying to learn this game's style would GIVE me that kind of flexibility for fun exaggerated facial expression but i don't think much came of it in the end 😔. anyway on the bright side all this means once i got peppino figured out a little bit everybody else clicked way easier.

fake peppino: honestly i never did anything with him on purpose except for how his eyes work + the perma-smile thing. i figured ok hes supposed to look weird and off model so whatever happens with him happens. and it did. and it kept happening. it is still, in fact, happening.

noise/ette: somehow, for every bit that peppino was the least natural thing i've ever tried, these two worked pretty much right off the bat. i still don't understand it, seeing as pretty much all the things at play for peppino are also at work for them. i think the new sketches are actually a little worse than older ones but not enough that i care.

gustavo: really funny bc i drew him on model twice and just went 'okay, cool nice, easy, um. he doesn't have any fucking legs?' fortunately he was the only one i had a strong idea for how to stylize him [square] and it worked exactly as i was hoping so wahoo.

brick: is an animal and therefore 5000x easier and more natural for me to draw/stylize than anything else in the cast. that is Just a rat bro. i can draw a rat.

gerome: i think the funniest one here. the most drastic and least necessary change imo. i was gonna have him be really small at first, like smaller than the noises, but then i just... didn't. he's just peppino-sized now. also i gave him like. actual human facial structure, which is funny bc in most cases i'd do anything to avoid, but it works well for his being A Rock to give him some angles and definition like that+ to differentiate his vibe from the rest of the cast who are all very squishy. also since he is essentially Just A Head it's good to emphasize that too ig.

john: i only drew john a couple times but he gets to be here because i like him. and because most of the stuff i applied to gerome was readily applicable to john, though i did try to keep him a little more uncanny because he is a Huge And Lanky Freak. i hate that he is barefoot btw but idk how to make his color balance look right with shoes.

pizzahead: i did not want to put him on here honestly but i Have drawn him a handful of times and more importantly i didn't know what i was gonna do with john's pose if i didn't have him there to be glared at. the only thing that's different with him is giving him wider-bottomed pants, which i got from when i tried to draw these guys in clone high style [i never posted that one either][i will eventually]

snick: he gets to be here because 1. he's like 6 lines 2. i like him and 3. ive scribbled him a few times offhand and it went pretty well

misc

there are some guys missing because those are guys i didn't draw enough [or at all] to have gotten comfortable with them. sorry

i would have Liked to shade these but for the time being i have accepted that my grasp of light/shadow has decayed to the point im not going to be happy with anything i try there, so For Now i am working on my presentation with flats i guess. gerome has a shadow only because he's shaded like that ingame and looks naked without it

anyway if you are still reading [hi?] i get to shamelessly plug now. i'm over the hill of my pizza run now, and while i still have plenty of things i want to make here, most of the bigger more in-depth ones have passed. pizza tower was the first thing in THREE YEARS to get me out of my oc groove to doing fanart, and once i am done with my ideas here i will be going right back to it. if you like my art or how i write characters/interactions you should check out my oc/webcomic blog @jamverse . i can't promise people who like pizza stuff will be terribly into my designs, but i can guarantee i treat my guys with the exact same sort of tone i handle the pt guys with. and hell, i've mentioned it a few times before, but like 70% of my characterization for fake pep is just copied off one of my characters, so if u are going to miss him... he will still be there in spirit >;p

and if you dont care about any of that and are still reading thank you anyway. actually making these comics + seeing how shockingly well-received they've been has done a lot for my confidence, and for seeing that my kind of stuff IS something people enjoy :')

[jelsah27]

imposter syndrome talked ab just some forewarning

In History Class

MC: *walks into class with a small smile on their face*

Deuce: Good morning, MC. You seem happy today.

Ace: Yeah what's got you all smiley?

MC: Well, Kalim and Jamil were at my dorm the other day. Kalim really wanted to know about foods from my world and Jamil tagged along for obvious reasons. At on point Kalim wanted to look at my room and he found my snap-out-of-it post-it notes on the wall.

Deuce: Snap-out-of-it post-it notes?

MC: Oh, yeah they help remind me that a lot of the problems I think I have aren't really as problematic as I think. Like "Every personality is a creation of experiences that make you you." or "My friends like me because I am me". You see a while ago I figured out that I have a bit of Imposter Syndrome.

Ace: A bit of what?

MC: Well, it's pretty much I feel like I'm not the person everyone thinks I am. I'm not the gifted child everyone remembers or the smart person everyone seems to think I am. That if I can't hurry up and live up to everyone's expectations that they'll figure out I'm not as great a person they think I am and be disappointed and angry that all I am is an empty shell of who they believed I was and leave. Some times it will also come in the form of believing that my friends only want to be around me out of pity or that if I don't like what they like or want to do the same things as them then they will leave, even if they've reassured me they love me. I think the worst thoughts I ever got from it was when I started to believe that my personality was fake and that I didn't know why I was so different than the kid everyone liked. I started to believe that I had faked my personality from different shows, books, or even people to even have one.

MC: Honestly I didn't even realize it was imposter syndrome till someone else pointed it out to me after telling them this. I genuinely had no clue I was so disgusted with myself till I was talking with them about it and they pointed out that none of what I was saying was true, that everybody knew who I was and loved me as I am. I think I cried when they told me that.

Deuce: Prefect... I had no idea...

MC: It's alright, I've been learning to get better at combating it. Anyway, Kalim asked me about it and I basically told him and Jamil what I just told you. He then asked me what I'm doing to overcome it. So I told him about the main things that have helped. Reminding myself constantly that I am not fake or hiding who I am from people I love and who love me. Whenever I feel negative thoughts try to take over, think about one positive thing that I have done or something someone had said they love about me for every dark thought. If it gets to bad though, go to someone I trust and ask them flat out about those thoughts, it helps a lot. And twice a week I make a post-it or journal about one or two small things. Maybe a compliment someone gave me, or a task I completed. So every day or so since they've-

Jamil: *walks into the room* Prefect, here. I must get to class before Kalim catches something on fire I mean gets into trouble. Have a good day.*hands MC a small note and leaves the classroom*

MC: *smiling contently* It say 'Thank you for helping Kalim study yesterday great sevens know he needed it and your smile is unique'

Deuce: *getting out paper* If it helps you, I'll gladly join in.

Little bit of a rant u can skip I hope you enjoyed the post <3 Y'all I'm sorry I didn't mean to trauma dump but I really like the idea. But the story is true and I did cry (and it was in a restaurant) when my sis told me I was wrong and she knew who I really and she loves me. That our friends won't leave because all humans have opinions and we are allowed to clash. And that my personality isn't fake, that everyone's personality is what they've created themselves and that people add and take away from themselves all the time and work on parts of themselves they don't like to become better. That my brain was just being dark when there was many lights around me, waiting to be recognized. If any of y'all read this its just one side of imposter syndrome, there are a few versions and many levels of severity. I genuinely think you are awesome and perfectly imperfect the way you are!

Anywho thanks for reading!

[mikodrawnnarratives]

I'm soooo interested in the possibilities for Post Loops Siffrin since theres a ton to explore in how they and his family deal with the aftermath of All That

First off, bumps in the road to getting healthier since progress isn't linear. Siffrin trying but sometimes failing to keep in mind the lessons he learned.

Having so many loops doing the same thing over and over, I love the idea of him sometimes falling back into habits of making a script for themself to follow daily when things get too samey. Like certain times of the day go by so similarly that they zone out from time to time, even unintentionally

It would take his family members to realize when he falls into habits like these, and taking efforts to minimize their ability to do that without reminders. Like, small things like making sure to change things up everyday in a certain amount so following a Script isn't as simple to categorize things happening around him as You've Seen This Before

I really hope Siffrin starts journaling at some point Post Loops cuz honestly, if they don't got a therapist (i don't even know how any therapist could tackle that enbie's issues) and they don't talk about the things that happened in the loops, I'd hope they at least have one way to get it out in a healthy manner. I'd imagine they wouldn't want to forget more of the loops, even tho they were traumatic, seeing as Forgetting is so distressing to em. I also can't imagine anyone would be okay with forgetting that kind of experience after it consumes so much of ur life.

And I also like to think about how Siffrin handles not dying so frequently. Like, them using the dagger after a certain point feels good to them, they've gotten used to it. Imagine how chilling that must be to deal with as he recovers. Going between "oh i miss that relief" to "why do i miss that relief oh stars i don't want to leave my family :((" and on some bad days im sure he'd struggle with suicidal ideation, and those issues probably would make any self harming habits just. ohh so much worse given they might turn to that for relief if their family members don't keep good enough eye on their access to sharp objects when vulnerable. Now that i think about it, it would be really endearing to see their family helping them find alternatives, like drawing on themself or rubberband methods, whenever possible

How his family approaches it in general is also has a lot of goodies in terms of possibilities. I really like fics when Siff is really nervous to accept help but still gets it in the end. Like he struggles but in the end his family is still there. oohh I especially love Odile and Siff fics they are so endearing to me

I need to find more fics that focus on Siff when he's dealing with other factors of not being in the loops anymore too! Like changing out of his clothes he's had to have for xyz amount of loops! Dealing with food, anything from struggling with bananas and not liking his favorite food anymore to remembering how much he STARVED during the loops and getting underlying worry about it happening again. They still eat their food quickly, even if they feel content. Having irrational worries about "what if it happens again and i don't have enough food what if I starve again"

Hopefully this would be something he could talk about with his family and it would be SO quickly followed up by Bonnie exclaiming that they'll cook all the food they want for him if that happens. Never going hungry again on their watch! And if Siff gets any hoarding issues in this scenario, ✨snack cabinets!✨

oohh def snack cabinets or in general stashes would be so sweet, ones that they can access at any point. Their family does their best to keep it stocked to ease their worries

And there are a ton of other scenarios that would address how the loops fucked him up, followed by family members finding out + helping

I also need to find more fics where they are just cuddling too. Cuddles, helping Sick Siff, stuff where Siff is shy to accept help but god the others will make SURE he rests accordingly!

[ryuichirou]

If the twst boys go to a regular, non magic college in our world, what do you think their majors would be?

This is an interesting question, Anon, and it was surprisingly difficult to come up with majors for some of them. I’m not sure some of the boys would even be interested in getting higher education, and also spoiler alert we have a lot of business people out there lol But I tried to make it as interesting as I could.

I’ll also note that it’s a bit difficult to speak about this in English, because I don’t know what certain majors are called and what kind of options there are, so I’m sorry if I name some of these incorrectly.  

Riddle – this one is easy, he would go to medschool! This is what his mother and father want for him after all. But he wanted to study law…

Ace – something that he isn’t very interested in, something that’s like “I guess that’d be a good major to build a career in the future”. He is the type that either drops out or pushes through despite being super disinterested in his major and kind of annoyed by the whole thing. Business? PR? Management? Something that sounds impressive but that’s about it.

Deuce – honestly I can’t see him as anything other than a police school student. He wants to get a good education, but if there is an opportunity for him to go straight to action and prove himself to be a better person, he’ll dive right into it. Maybe Ace will join him?..

Trey – culinary school is an easy answer, but Trey really seems to love this field, so he’d probably study to become a pastry chef. Well, he would become one either way, but Trey would probably try to learn as many traditional and innovative techniques as he can to actually improve.

Cater –  I’d say PR, he just has the vibes of a PR student. I’ve seen those lol Cater isn’t really passionate about it, but hey, it’s a good place to make connections. Also!! Maybe journalism. Yeah, that makes more sense.

Leona – Public Administration or anything Politics related. He would do better as a Philosophy/History major, but he would go with the default option for his family.

Ruggie – he would google best majors for a lucrative career lol So maybe some kind of Business/Management, but also anything Tech related is super lucrative, so he might at least try to apply there. But also also, nursing is apparently on the list of good major options in that sense, so he might actually try that. To be a private nurse for some rich old fart seems like an easy deal for him.

Jack – I’m sorry, I can’t think of anything other than him being a skiing instructor, and I don’t think one needs to have a major for that career path… is there some crucial part of Jack lore that I’m missing?

Azul – oh, Business/Marketing. Specifically something related to owning and running a restaurant or a hotel. But at the same time he could also study Law and even go to the Culinary school… Azul is absolutely going to take all the extra courses that he possibly can.

Jade and Floyd – probably Business as well, both because they could hang out with Azul and because their pops actually wanted them to study there. But if they had full freedom to pick whatever major they want, Jade would probably either study Botany or Pharma. And Floyd would pick his major randomly, because he’d be equally good/bad at anything he picks, and he’d get bored by it in a week anyway lol

Kalim – also Business??? Since his family is a merchant family, there are a lot of things Kalim needs to learn. But he would rather study something that’s more easy and fun… something related to art!

Jamil – realistically, either Business or PR. But that’s too many business PR people woah, so ehhh I guess… you know what? Psychology. I can’t even explain this one, but Jamil would absolutely benefit from studying it + I think it would actually be interesting for him.

Vil – acting/film/theatre school sounds like a given, but I feel like Vil would avoid those for some reason (and if you asked him, he would give you a rant about his reasons); so instead it’s going to be either a Fashion major or anything Chemical Engineering/Pharma related. He wants to get better at his craft, but he also wants to learn new things.

Rook – this guy is full of surprises, he could go anywhere and succeed, he’s perfect in arts and in science. I feel like he would pick science though, so any kind of Science major, maybe also Chemical Engineering. But also? A part of me wants to make him a Sociologist because he is hella nosy like all the sociologists are (me included).

Epel – this one puzzles me… if you think about it logically, he might pick something that could be useful for his family, but then we’re entering the Business territory again and it’s way too crowded lol  Plus, I don’t think Epel would go for that one. I actually… have no idea?? Wow this is embarrassing… He’d go for something totally masculine though, like being a carpenter, but for some reason would end up in stuff like fashion without realising how hard it actually is lol 

Idia and Ortho – easy, IT or any other tech-related major. But they would also probably be too good for school, because Idia is a genius and Ortho learned from him (if he isn’t a robot in this universe…). That being said, Idia would probably finish a 6 years course in like half a year and get his degree almost instantly, and Ortho could drop out at some point and switch to the Film major instead. 

Lilia – my first thought is that “he wouldn’t go to school”, but actually? He could spend a couple of years studying anthropology, I feel like it would be a fascinating field to him, and not as upsetting as history.

Silver – whatever father picks for him. But also probably nursing and no it’s not related to the previous reply that we’ve just posted 😭 I just think Silver would be legitimately good at it.

Sebek – this one goes straight to the military school lol But if I have to pick a major for him, let’s go with Communications just because he has to learn some, please Sebek!

Malleus – I think he would either study fine arts/history of art or something vague like philosophy or any type of social studies. He is better at grasping concepts than understanding other human beings, so it might actually be interesting to him. Or he could go the history of art major route and just stare at gargoyles for 4-6 years.

[lysreadsbookssometimes]

I watched the finale of young royals and here are some of my rambles, collected while watching. Enjoy.

Spoilers!!!

So i didn't make it a minute, i paused at 00:59 because i could already feel the tears coming up. What the hell.

I honestly didn't expect the reactions to the closing to be that way. A lot of screaming and blaming? Sure. But August breaking down? Very in character, but unexpected.

I was especially surprised by Vincent going for a hug to calm him down. Really surprised me.

Felice is probably my favorite person in this show ngl

And they see each other from across the room, through the partying people, and we have come full circle back to the first episode. Honestly poetic. I love it.

August got redeemed. And although i am still rationally thinking about the consequences, emotionally it works. My emotional side thinks he's earned it. Somehow.

Felice and Sara making up is healing my soul

Nils finally coming out to his friends. No comments, just that.

They are wrapping everything up so beautifully in the first 30 mins. All the smaller things. The rush from the "last" everything, everybody finally getting their shit in order, all of it. Beautiful.

I am also insanely worried about what is going to happen now. I am writing this at timestamp 26:25 and the 30:53 of emotional damage on the other side of the progress bar is still staring at me. We'll see.

And the interaction between August and Sara just killed me. And its not even over. I had to pause so i could handle Augusts puppy eyes after the rejection. Judging from the big sip of cider i just took i was subconsiously rooting for them. I think i just want them to be happy. All of them. Even Sara and August.

Okay homebro is panicking so bad he PROPOSED, he is down BAD

Also the line "You love who you are when you are with me" was killer, oh my god

The last kiss. The wiping away the tears. "It will pass." Wound, Salt, and then they twist the knife.

But it is a fitting ending. It works. It fits their characters, their journeys. They wouldn't have worked out in the long run and they get their ending. Both heartbroken, but on their way to healing.

I love and hate the idea of "one last night together". It implies and ending i am still dreading. But they deserve to forget everything for a night.

I honestly didn't realize it was still sun out and it caught me off guard so bad (or is that a sunrise? I am so confused)

I don't have the scene on hand but i am pretty sure they framed the scene in the bed at the end of s3e5 the same way as them lying on the blanket (?) here. Super interesting visual storytelling.

(Small detail here, i recently had a crash course on tv journalism and a big part of that was scenes and pictures, thats why i pay so much attention to the visual language here)

The entire lake scene is beautifully shot. The way they have mirroring motions (like brushing hair out of Willes face) in different perspectives, the way the water is shot, the entire calmness of all of it. And then they have these emotional conversations under it that build up these emotions, with these big pauses in speech, drawing out this bit of retrieve from everything.

The way they show Simon swimming away, the distance between them, when they speak about exactly that.

And how they go from Wille sitting at the lake, watching Simon swim, being physically not in the same thing as him (the lake), Simon swimming away, and then the cut over to him alone in his bed.

Beautiful, artistic storytelling.

Also fucking heartbreaking, i am nearly crying already and there are 23 minutes and 54 seconds left to completely destroy me.

I am clutching to the hope that twenty minutes are left to figure everything out and that that would be too long for this to be the end. Twenty minutes, 30% of the finale, cannot and will not be the epilogue, i dont think thats likely and i also refuse to believe that.

Okay, Stella and Frederika are finally together, at least some of my sanity is clutching on. I literally yelled "fuck yeah" and punched the air.

Henry and Valter (i hope i spelled that right) together in the fields also makes me happy. I know they were shipped a lot and although I am not a religious shipper of them, i am rooting for them. Go them.

Wille taking down the pictures could also be taking the happiness out of my heart. Whats wrong with the showrunners for making us do this rollercoaster?!?!

Also him taking off Erik and him before Simon and him. Beautiful.

OH MY GOD THE BIRTHDAY GIFT

I am not prepared. Not at all. Oh my god.

Is that like a farewell? Or a "stay with me"?

Not ready. Will press play though and hug my pillow expectantly.

I made it like three seconds. WILLES SONG?!?!?!!?!?

Wille walking through Hillerska. Seeing all those spots. All those memories.

EVERYONE TAKING DOWN PICTURES. THE GOODBYES.

THE SONG. THE SONG.

Don't let them make you hide yourself.

The callback to the football field.

"WE WERE NEVER WHAT WAS WRONG" !!!!!

All the callbacks. "I could be free" was from the "he would give up the crown for you" scene, if i recall correctly. Simon is revisiting every moment in their story.

"'Cause we were a revolution" WHY IS THIS IN PAST TENSE? NO. NO!

It shouldn't be a revolution to love another.

That quote itself. Then showing August and Sara. Back to Wille.

What is slightly concerning to me is that they haven't shown Simon yet. His voice is singing, but they show everyone but him. (Sara was on the picture, i count that, but he is nowhere. Just a ghost of memories.)

"You were my revolution before it fell apart" I'M SORRY JUST TAKE MY HEART, BREAK IT AND STOMP ON IT. SURE, GO AHEAD, DIDN'T NEED IT ANYWAY

(sorry, this shit is getting to me)

(Although, you apparently read this far through my chaos, so honestly your fault)

(Still cool you're still here)

THE SNOW GLOBE. IN THE TRASH. BROKEN. DISCARDED.

Now, are we discarding Erik or are we discarding broken and damaged things? Like this relationship? fucking tell me i am losing it here

Wille looking at August after he officially graduated. I can't read his look. And i am so confused to the situation and emotions here. Because last time they were drunk, now they are sober and both their relationships with the Erikssons are basically over. That is an interesting dynamic.

SIMONS SONG INSTEAD OF THE CLASSIC HILLERSKA HYMN. SIMONS SONG ABOUT LOVING WILLE. THE ENTIRE REVOLUTION.

Wille standing alone. Then seeing his parents, behaving different from the other parents, but at least being there.

His mom trying. The hug.

And i am finally crying. These breaks to write down my thoughts have kept this at bay so far, but a mother trying and asking for forgiveness has finally broken me. (I should bring this up with my therapist)

Wille going after Simon. And his mother smiling at that.

The heartbeat in the background. After "I never gave up on us." Hope.

WHY ARE YOU SAYING GOODBYE

YOU STILL HAVE THIRTEEN MINUTES TO FIGURE IT OUT

And again Wille is telling Simon to enjoy a holiday. It was christmas. Now its the summer holidays.

But no "i love you"s. Just a heartbeat.

Simon leaving. Again.

And Wille is hesitating. I swear the heartbeat is speeding up. He is hesitating.

And i find myself yelling at the tv for him to finally move and go after him. Fight for him. Fight for them.

Fucking move. Get your man.

And this idiot walks physically backwards. Back to society and his parents, away from his love.

Fuck me, he called Simon the love of his life. And maybe he's young and doesn't know better. But i am not much older and am fairly sure someone would not say that if they didnt mean it. SO BETTER FUCKING GO AFTER HIM.

WHY ELSE WOULD THE HEARTBEAT BE THERE? i mean i am not a medical expert but i am pretty sure that was not one heartbeat, that sounded off. I hope it was two, two hearts and their beats, two lives entangled.

Felice and Sara are actively healing my soul. I am pretty sure i have written that sentence earlier but i refuse to check.

Also Wille being uncomfortable in the car. He should have run after Simon, than he wouldnt be, change my mind.

"You will be a fantastic king."

What if i don't want that?

Ladies, Gentlemen and friends of other assorted genders: FUCKING FINALLY

An honest, open, (somewhat) calm conversation. The one thing they have needed for three seasons. We finally have it. Finally.

The visual conflict of emotions in the queen. The motherly pride and concern for her child and the disappointment and fear of the monarch losing their heir. It's brilliant acting.

The realization on Augusts face hitting him when he sees Wilhelm leave.

The shaky camera as Wille is looking around, searching. The camera was steady in the car, a bit shaky around August, and now it is full on wobbling around. It is a panic, with the music, the emotions swelling.

And then he runs. And yells. And the camera gets steadier.

The regret in his face when he can't keep up anymore. And then the hope when he sees the car stop.

The relief in Willes voice when he tells Simon. And the pain in Simons eyes. Slowly morphing into hope.

The distance between them. When Wille was coming clean, they showed the faces, not the distance between them. Just that they were talking face to face. Now, as Wille asks, if Simon is done with him, they show this distance between them.

Simon starting to smile.

And now, paused, my brain moving faster than i can type, i was wondering why he was sitting in the backseat. They must have someone else in the car. And you can see Felice peeking through the rear window.

And the way they kiss. Passionately. Not holding back. Finally free.

All their moments. Their story. Their love. Finally, them saying i love you. To each other. In the open. Free. Declaring themselves. Together.

And Wille coming with them. Their little found family. Them whoooing in the car, like they did on that night at the football game on the motor bikes.

Them being happy.

And then that final look in the camera. Finally happy, finally free.

Cut to black.

Okay, that was absolutely brilliant.

I loved it, every second of it. It was a beautiful way of wrapping everything up, a happy ending at last. For everyone.

August becomes king. Or whatever. We dont care.

Sara and Felice make up. Are friends again. Are free together.

Felice finds herself outside of money and in people. In her friends.

Sara realizes she has people that care for her and see her as she is. She finds happiness in platonic love, not romantic.

Simon and Wille end up together, overcome their differences. Find a way.

Simon has his love and reconsiled with his sister. He can be true to himself and created his song, his music. Music that touches others, Music that others like.

And Wilhelm got out of that system that caused him so much pain. He got closure, threw away the snow globe, quit being royalty. He is free, the one thing he wanted all this time. Be happy, be himself, be free.

Sometimes family is a former crown prince, his musician boyfriend, a neurodivergent horse girl and the worlds best best friend.

[I think this is the point where i thank you for reading all this. I am going to post this without reading it a second time to keep myself surprised and not edit any reactions. But i hope the rambling made some sense. Thank you!]

[helluva-dump]

At this point, the hazbin/helluva critical community has fallen flat. And when I say that, I mean that it lacks potential. Like, I thought we were criticizing about the characters and the show itself. I thought we were talking about it's issues and what Viv could approve on it. But now, these people are just targeting fans of Viv's show who are just going on about their day, taking screenshots of harmful posts and posting it on the critical blog just to shit on them. You can't even consider that "critical" now when you're just being an asshole. They wonder why Viv and her fans think the critics are so bad. On top of that, these people love to make assumptions about Viv harassing Gooseworx all because she's a "terrible person" like please stfu. "She probably did this" and they don't even have any proof. Maybe consider that Viv actually enjoys tadc and it's success? What is all of this "viv is mad because the amazing digital circus is more successful than her shitty shows"? I dunno, man. That critical community is just so fucking dumb and stupid. They're not even talking about the shows anymore. They just bitch and fuss about everything.

For real, I had never seen such a critical community this much of a train wreck as the fandom is.

I mean hell, I engaged with the SVTFOE community before (and that show has the EXACT same problems as Helluva boss) and the critical blogs were very chill.

I feel like what didn’t help is how immature and unprofessional Vivziepop acts publicly. But at the same time…. I can’t really blame her for getting defensive when these antis dogpile her on everything.

And yes, the screenshots making fun of harmless posts of fans were red flags to me. Like dude, we have rabid fans and Stans do that to us, why the hell are you stopping to their level??? (I’m not gonna include the voodoo controversy because that to me needed to be talked about. A lot of POC fans and criticals had every right to discuss that and Viv should had given an apology or explanation over that. With closed religions that always got stereotypes due to colonizers, you need to be careful when writing about them. )

Oh God don’t get me started on the whole Vivziepop and Gooseworks relationship assumptions… that actually annoyed me too and I’m sure there’s no bad blood with them. I get she had bad blood with Tracey and possibly Ashley, but I don’t think it’s fair to assume she’s like this with every indie creator.

Honestly, its both of their fandoms that are acting unhinged. But I even seen hardcore fans of Viv like Dani praising TADC and Gooseworks, so I doubt the whole fandom are planning to sabotage them. TADC isn’t a rain full of sunshine either, they too have so much bad apples there.

Also my big issue with this community I’ve noted some critical blogs that claim they wanna make an original series (well one already made a webcomic) but they NEVER stop bitching about Viv and go on and on how they never do this to their project… unmmm dude? If you constantly compare your project to Viv’s, your gonna lose your audience this way. This can make you come off as an a logger and a very petty person to others. Trust me, this is NOT going to make people want to be interested in your original projects.

It’s also very unprofessional to do this publicly. I get looking at bad writing motivates you how to not to things… but the constant comparing is going to make you look like a very petty person to your outside audience. And they feel like your project won’t have agency on its own without being “better than Helluva/Hazbin.” I say this because I too am working on an indie project I want to make to a webcomic. And I REALLY don’t wanna ruin my reputation that way.

That’s what Zeartist did when he made his shitty ass books and would constantly hitch and whine about twilight on his life journals. And he would always bring up his original series and how it’s “better” and how he wouldn’t write such garbage like Stephanie Meyer.

And guess what???? His books are just twilight 2.0 but even worse 😂😂😂 he ended up doing the exact same thing stephanie did, bitches out over criticism, and yeah a huge hypocritical asshat.

That’s why constantly comparing your project to another person’s to seen as better is NOT a smart idea. Please have some self awareness there if your actually planning to make a webcomic or an original series.

Also… I’ve noticed people that have beautiful startled would waste it on blind hatred. Like that “I HAtE VIVZIEPOP” blog. Like godamn, their art is beautiful but they had an unhealthy hate obsession with Viv… why waste your energy on that when you can make something better?

I’m not talking about rewrites, AUs, or redesigns because to me those are like fanfics and for fun. The stuff I do is mainly just for fanfic fun and a writing/world building exercise for me. But also a little bit of self indulgence since I sitll admire Viv’s characters. You can enjoy something without giving your support to the actual creator. I’m trying to show my support to the team behind it.

(I’m even planning to buy fan merch from one of the clean up artists on their shop. To me it’s the ethical way of getting Hazbin/Helluva merch without directly giving it to Viv but to her artists instead. )

[starsurface]

Mk1 Kuai Liang :-)

I thought so, so I wrote allllll of this just in case!! :D

<3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3

Regressor Kuai Liang Hcs

🔥 Regresses to about 3-6

🔥 He's usually really calm and collective, mostly to balance out Bi-Han

🔥 But small? Oh boy

🔥 He adores running around, play wrestling anyone who'll let him

🔥 (^ You might need to remind him that he's really strong sometimes because he has accidently hurt others because of this before)

🔥 He fights dirty too, bites when he's loosing >:(

🔥 Basically, play wrestling is only for people who know he fights dirty and might fight really rough and are able to overpower him

🔥 But he likes a lot of things!!

🔥 Loves coloring, giving his pretty pictures for you to put on the fridge

🔥 Main CGs are Tomas and Harumi (SHES MY MOTHER, NO HATING ON HER PLEASE!!!!)

🔥 Also Bi-Han but Kuai Liang likes testing Bi-Han and most times he accidently slips too and Kuai Liang feels bad (he'll still go to Bi-Han some times though)

🔥 I could totally see him enjoying Kung Lao as a babysitter

🔥 ^ He keeps up with his energy, going from peaceful coloring, to having to dive over the table to dodge Kuai Liang's tackle

🔥 Will try to crawl on top of things to get things, like a cup or something

🔥 But also so that you can't catch him >:3

🔥 You need to tell him that he's too small and it's too dangerous to be up there and to please get down

🔥 He doesn't like getting in trouble, so he will get down very quickly

🔥 Oh boy, his hissy fits though

🔥 Not even hissy fits, full blown tantrums

🔥 He has the powers and anger of Scorpion, although very rarely do his powers activate when he's yelling and screaming

🔥 These moments can be very scary honestly, but you need to cross your arms and stare at him while he's sitting on the ground yelling

🔥 Very quickly he'll look up at you and realize he was naughty over something like going to bed, and now he feels not only upset, but embarrassed

🔥 Will sit on the naughty step and apologize very fast when his time is up, he doesn't want you to be mad anymore, please don't be mad

🔥 He's usually very good, it's only tantrums that get him flared up and it's never actually your fault

🔥 It starts with the fact he has to go to bed, but then it's about the entire fact that he'll always be the second son and gets upset that he'll never be able to make his own decision and all the bad things that have happened these weeks will pile up all at once

🔥 ^ To fix the entire fact that he lets things build, encouraging journaling and more communication

🔥 He might ask you to help spell some words if he's journaling while small, but it does really help him in the long run

🔥 It also helps him talk about his problems a little more because now they're on paper and he knows what's really making him upset

🔥 He also really likes journaling because he he can make his personal journal all pretty and his own little design

🔥 Please get hkm stickers to help decorate it, it would mean the world to him 🥺

🔥 Again, normally he's very good unless he's having a tantrum, and his most preferred punishment is the naughty step

🔥 But you HAVE to speak with him afterwards about the situation because he does honestly feel terrible about it, especially if he burnt the floor or something

🔥 Doesn't like the naughty step if he broke a rule or something, he'd rather try to fix it

🔥 Just because he's usually good, doesn't mean he isn't chaotic

🔥 Likes to try and show off his powers while little

🔥 You gotta stop him almost immediately because he has burnt stuff in the past (no one yet though, thankfully)

🔥 Likes helping you out with things like dinner or cleaning

🔥 He can't actually do much, but he enjoys the praise you give him when he's good

🔥 Might get a big jealous if your giving another regressor attention

🔥 Wha- Your HIS CG!!! Why isn't he getting your undivided attention?? >:(

🔥 He won't say anything out loud, especially since he knows others need someone at times too, but he'll poutingly attach himself to your hip and hide in your neck

🔥 Really likes cuddles and is really happy when it's winter because he gets all the cuddles!!!

🔥 But when it's summer? It kinda sucks because he already runs warm and no one wants to hug something warm . . . 🥺

🔥 If you do, however, he'll be super thankful and draw you a pretty picture and try to make your favorite snack (or something that only needs the microwave)

🔥 Favorite little nicknames would be Firestarter, Shooting Star, Sweetie, Little One, Squirt, and Baby

🔥 He's a pretty responsible regresser most times

🔥 The littler he is, the more dependant he is

🔥 But the bigger he is, he reminds you when it's dinner time or can work the remote

🔥 Man is a wiggle worm, he's always doing something with his hands or is doing an activity

🔥 Oh my gosh arts and crafts are his favorite!!!!

🔥 Coloring, making bracelets, painting, anything he can do that he can make something

🔥 Mostly likes making things so he can give them to friends as little thank you’s or just because he wants to give them gifts

🔥 Hanzo doesn't exactly understand age regression, but he still likes hanging out with Kuai Liang and Tomas when they're small

🔥 (^ Encourages every and all bad/naughty decision they wanna make, thinks it's so funny)

🔥 . . . Until Harumi gets mad at HIM instead for ‘corrupting’ her babies, unfair 😒

🔥 But honestly, Kuai Liang is usually a very sweet little that just wants to relax and be a kid again

<3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3

Stop- He deserves to feel like a kid again after all he's been through. I love him. 🥺

[txttletale]

I love reading your thoughts and writings on everything--even when I don't agree with a particular stance, your thinking is so insightful and gives me a lot to grapple with. Do you have any advice for cultivating one's own ability to think critically and deeply? And any suggestions for theory or readings that you've found helpful for this? Thank you so much! 💕

ty!! i'm glad to hear it--i do try my best to be clear about what i believe & why as much as possible so it's nice to hear that i'm succeeding (esp. because i think marxist-leninists tend to be v. v. bad at this)

honestly i only have two pieces of advice which is 1. read as much as you're comfortably able, and 2. never take any preconception you have for granted. like, for me i think this started when i started doing my undergrad and realised 'oh wow newspapers just straight up lie about shit all the time'--from that point on whenever i encounter something that challenges my notions of something i actively try to drill down 'okay, on what grounds do i think this? what basic premises do i believe that lead me to think this, and what's the logical line between them?' sometimes you will be able to answer very easily--but sometimes you will run into a question mark, a missing stair, and from there you can explore the topic more deeply and come to a different position in a v. fruitful way!

it's helpful to have someone to talk out these things with, or even just to write them down into the void. start a blog (or if you dont want strangers getting mad at your thoughts) a journal. might feel silly but i guarantee that trying to explain your positions, even if it's to nobody at all, is one of the best ways to make yourself meaningfully grapple with them.

i also recommend trying to familiarize yourself with some theoretical lenses--not that you should immediately adopt one wholesale, but you should familiarize yourself with the bases of some models of how the world works, so that you can follow different trains of logic & evaluate different explanations for positions before discarding them. this isn't vital for the project of interrogating your own positions, but it provides a structured & easier way to do it than just kind of trying to blindly fumble through your own ideas.

(& obviously make sure you don't fall into any of the like, classic failure modes of being self-critical of becoming, like, a neocatholic trying to find penance and atone for all the Secret Bigotry in your heart or so on. i have never done this or anything like this but i feel the need to say this just bc i do see people on this web site especially be prone to this kind of thing and want to be clear that like assigning a level of moral guilt to having flawed presumptions and challenging them for yourself is self-destructive & not useful to anybody)

good luck, & remember that critical thinking is a skill like any other that requires development and practice, not a moral virtue or an inherent trait of the chosen few

[tiramegtoons]

WOW another mutual birthday jumpscare it all happens so soon- congratulations on the survival of another lengthy trip around the sun! Hopefully I manage to place this art into the ask box while you are sleeping, then everyone will be blissfully unaware until the morning of mwahaha! I’m sure you’ll receive many other wonderful wishes as the day progresses, because you’ve clearly got a lotta people who care about you >:D

Obviously I don’t know you personally but I’m glad to have the opportunity to interact with your posts online! And in those brief interactions I can tell you are a very chill & respectful person. So I sincerely hope that the next upcoming months will be kind to you as you are kind to others. Because you definitely deserve to enjoy it. As is probably obvious, this here art is themed after your own blogs Subcon banner because I think it’s very nice design. Hope you don’t mind I took inspiration. Happy Birthday!

WHATUDDJEJFJBRJRFJDH

OH MY GOSH THANK YOU!!

(You remembered?? Why did you remember…

Why am I here…)

YOU

YOU IM GONNA EXPLODE YOU(again)

You and your dastardly plans

Darn you

Hdjdjdjfjdj

And Oh come oooon,

Don’t say that.

You really want me get sheepish in front of all these people??/j

Thank you so .. so much, that’s very sweet.< :]

Hope you know there’s people thinking about you too(including myself). And I think you deserve so very much. You’re always giving others such kind and carefully curated tags and comments over others posts and content.

And honestly, between you and me, I don’t really think myself to be a completely good person. Snatcher might have infected my brain, or I could just be stating the obvious. Everyone has parts of themselves they don’t like or admit to.

But hey, I suppose today I should acknowledge and celebrate all those things. Good and bad.

But hold up

Let’s talk about this lovely artwork here shall we?

First of all,

*SOBS*

MYGODWHYFFDJVJTHISISAEEEAAAA

Second of all,

THE BACKGROUND IS SO BEAUTIFULLY COLORED AND BLENDED I wanna drown myself in it!!! GRAAAAAAAA

also one of the best things I love about Subcon is the glowy mushrooms 🍄

ALSO OMG you got some of my favorite things in here

Ya got Morrigan, my sky kid, moon jumper, Black Dahlia, my toonsona, moonjumper and of course, the noodely main course himself EHEHEHEH

Also how do you know I journal?

(I’m so scared rn/j)

Or wait am I drawing…

IN A SPIRAL notebook??

HOW DID YOU-

(IM GOING TO FIND YOU/j)

Also how do you know I look this pensive while I’m doing it?

Wow..

*in a dangerously low voice*

Someone’s put a lot of thought into this, haven’t they?

(I’m really going to go nuclear on you now)

AAAAAAAAAAAA THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU!!!

I’m gonna die now/j

[minotaur-asterion]

The voices, and when they get down with the sickness (long post underneath, please prepare yourself):

I think Hero kind of wishes they could act out that classic sickfic scene where they get to stay in bed all day and someone brings them soup and takes good care of them. Well, it’ll never happen with that nervous attitude, so until they get the balls to ask someone they’ll have to suck it up and take care of themselves. So, so tired the entire time. Poor meow meow

Alternatively, Hero’s a doting caretaker, if not physically distant. Doesn’t want to catch anything… but rest assured, they’re at their charge’s beck and call- they’ll bring food, medicine, heating pads, blankets, the crown of Russia, Russia, and more!

Cold can’t tell until something really noticeable happens, and even then it can be a while before he figures out he’s sick. Oh, his nose is running? It has been getting cold recently, no pun intended. He collapsed? Has to determine whether it was lack of sleep or if he got stabbed recently and that was blood loss; illness just doesn’t immediately come to mind. Might get a little loopy and out of it while recovering. Appreciates the lack of taste if forced to eat

Cold’s really good at treating sick folks, but taking care of them can be 50/50 depending on who it is. If he actually gives a shit he mostly curls up in a chair nearby and chills- again, pun not intended- until they need something. He might even offer the briefest of cuddles, which depending on his charge’s strength might end up lasting a lot longer than he planned

Cheated gets sick a lot- he doesn’t get much sleep so his body doesn’t have a lot of energy to fight it off. It’s total chaos if he gets a fever. Complains soooo much. But he gets very warmly happy if someone throws in the towel to take care of him. Wants to snuggle a lot

He refuses to take care of most of the others. Fuck them! But he’s probably going to get roped into it one way or another, knowing his luck. The only people he’d actually agree to care for is Opportunist and Contrarian since they live together. I’ve always imagined those three as a package deal anyway

Speaking of Opportunist- ey’re used to a little bit of body ache, so ey’re able to power through the less severe colds and such, just take it a little easier than usual, wear a mask to work, you know. It gets trickier when severe sickness aligns with a bad back day, ey don’t enjoy feeling like that while barely being able to move around. Ey’re honored if anyone decides to help, honestly…

Opportunist is a believer in laughter being the best medicine. He likes to talk and talk about all sorts of things just to take his charge’s mind off their symptoms. He also likes to hear himself talk, so it’s a bonus, really!

Contrarian… surprisingly barely ever gets sick. Or, at least, they don’t let on most of the times they do. Maybe they get a little quieter, but it’s surprisingly easy to melt into the crowd for them. It’s probably easier to not expect or ask for anything anyway

But on the contrary, pun intended this time, Contrarian loves to help out and take care of sick folks. God knows he’s not helpful at all with treating the sickness- which makes me think he’d be a good duo with Cold- but he’ll certainly entertain and keep company. “Oh, but you’ll catch something-“ he definitely will, but it’s worth it!

Paranoid is fascinated by disease. Would probably get sick and immediately think “how can I turn this into a zombie-making virus?” Jots down every single sniffle in her journal. Studies the microorganisms that caused it. Just really weird and iconically herself about it. The few times she does sleep, her dreams will be even weirder than usual. I think her obsession with recording the darn thing is overriding the symptoms

It’s much the same with when someone else is sick- pencil to paper, on a scale of one to ten how bad do you feel, describe your symptoms, can I get a swab for totally normal not nefarious reasons. Makes sure to wash her hands after existing in the same room as anyone who’s sick

Broken genuinely doesn’t think it’ll make it. Sure, it’s a really light flu, but it just won’t survive. Most illnesses are similar to a bad pain day regardless of how bad they’d normally be, but the good thing about the whole ordeal is snuggles and attention… Even if it’s out like a light most of the time. Might get weird and horny about it

Broken gets really worried about the others when they’re sick, and usually sticks them in bed if he can even move them there. Perches at the foot of the bed and watches closely. A little creepy, but he means well. So so so worried

Hunted’s surprisingly clean, so it’s hard for it to get too sick. Very pragmatic approach to dealing with it, which includes keeping everything clean during times when it feels better and resting when it feels worse. Doesn’t enjoy it for a second, especially when it clogs its ears and nose, but it’ll survive

Goes a little haywire when someone else is sick. You’ve never bore witness to the kind of strength it can muster to get someone in its nest. Protective as all get out, preens and tries to spoon feed. Will only allow people it trusts with its life- and maybe not even that depending on how feral it is- near the nest

Stubborn isn’t one to get sick often, and even then through the sheer power of, I dunno, muscles or something, he can fight it off pretty well. Just lay off the baking for a bit so he doesn’t accidentally infect anyone… In the rarest cases where he just can’t keep going as usual, he becomes surprisingly tame. Too tired to get all worked up. Sleepy little guy…

They can also be surprisingly helpful, especially with calming down a much stronger personality (cough. Hunted) who’s also trying to take care of someone sick. Makes the meanest fucking soup you’ve ever had the pleasure of tasting. And I say this with Broken definitely in mind, but they get a little affectionate about it. Just a smidge. Not because they care about this person, no! Don’t be ridiculous

Smitten probably gets sick all the time from his flower allergies, but he can’t bring himself to stop gardening. That’s why he got allergy medicine. If it’s not allergies he’s stumped on what to do. Might even get dramatic about it- write his will, eat some ice cream while watching his favorite rom com shows (he knows at least that sugar can help calm nausea), read Shakespeare, uh… I don’t know what else he’d do but it’d be dramatic!

Smitten’s a total sweetheart when taking care of someone else. Breakfast in bed, reads to them (dyslexic, does silly voices), treats them like total royalty. The drawback? Literally never takes care of anyone on a whim. Has to be planned, premeditated. Draws up a schedule of the whole thing

Skeptic likes to take sick days slow. Sit in the butterfly garden. Unless it’s winter. Then he’ll just stay in bed the whole day. Probably hibernates through the illness and wakes up crusty but healthy

He’ll certainly try his best to take care of someone else, but he’s not that great at it. Good at reassuring them about their anxieties though. Gives them a little too much medicine

I have a feeling Meek might be immune to disease. Otherwise she’d fucking die. Sneezes so loudly it’s like a bomb went off

She’s also not great about helping someone through their sickness, but she’ll scoot into their lap and offer them to pet her. The others suspect she might even like being pet… she will vehemently deny it though

Flinching is very shaky when she’s sick. Terrible grip strength. She’ll realize something’s off when she accidentally drops her favorite mug and now has to sadly stare at it on the ground before Doubting picks it up and puts it back together (he made a mug that’s easy to repair specifically for this reason)

Very gentle with sick people, almost as though she’s afraid to break them. Wonderful bedside manner. If she wasn’t so squeamish she would’ve tried becoming a nurse, but alas, just a librarian for now…

Doubting’s vision is usually bleary, but eventually he’ll figure out something’s wrong when he puts his glasses on and he still can’t see well. He’s a good patient, though, and recovers quickly with the right conditions

A lot like Flinching, he’s also good about taking care of others. May or may not be developing experimental treatments for diseases though. Do not touch those beakers

Much like a huge disoriented beast, Obsessed doesn’t do well with sickness. It messes with them badly. Not as clean as Hunted about it but definitely not to be trifled with still. Think like a rabid animal, how they can lose their fear of certain things and just… stare

They don’t live near anyone, so there’s nobody to take care of when sick

[stars-of-kyber]

I would love to hear your opinion about S3 !!1

Ooooooh girl! I have so many feelings here... This might get long, beware

Overall, I enjoyed this first part quite well.

I like how faithful some moments are to the book, although Colin's book is tied with Ben's as my least favourite and it was the one which took me the longest to read. I liked the Proposal, bc that's a scene I really like from the book and Colin's journals. I also like the glimpse of Colin's repressed anger.

I feel like the show could have mixed the Whistledown issue more with this first part. I felt like it was very separate. First, we deal with the love story, and then we bring the whole LW x Queen thing. The book actually starts with Lady D announcing she'd offer a reward for the person who gave her LW's identity. It didn't bother me that much during the episodes, but when the 1st part ended, it kinda gave me a feeling of... completion? Yeah, okay, we had the issue, we worked it out, the couple is together, we'll have a pretty epilogue moment and then yay. I know it's not just that bc I read the books, but even so it gave me that feeling. I don't know if splitting in two was a good plot device here, because the cliffhanger is... not actually a cliffhanger? There's nothing that makes us hold our breaths wondering what's coming next but that little trailer in the end. If it was me (not a professional obvs) I would either not have split this at all, or end the first part with Colin finding out Pen was LW. THAT would have been a cliffhanger worth holding your breath.

Particularly (Please don't come at me for that people), I don't feel the chemistry between the two of them, which is a bit sad. They were there, staring at each other about to kiss and I didn't feel that OH MY GOD YES KISS! They fell a bit flat for me, chemistry-wise. But again, I felt the same with the two of them the previous seasons so no big surprise here.

The Kathony, tho. God I love them. I want more of them. I need it. (I honestly think they were kept away from this beginning due to managing their schedules with other projects) But we'll see them in the next part being horny lovebirds together.

I really REALLY liked the sideplots too! Unlike season two and that god-forsaken annoying Eloise x Theo thing and Cousin Jack side-plots, I actually enjoyed the stories that were going around. I liked the Moldriches; I had some good laughs with Portia struggling with her daughters and sex ed;

Kudos to Lord Debling. I really liked him as a character and his interest in Penelope was nice to watch.

OH MY GOD FRANNIE AND JOHN! SUCH BABIES I LOVE THEM SO MUCH! NETFLIX PLEASE DON'T DO THIS TO ME, MY POOR HEART CAN'T TAKE IT! DON'T MAKE ME LOVE JOHN JUST TO WATCH HIM DIE PAINFULLY! (Also please can we get a bit of a shout-out for our baby boy Michael in part 2? Thanks)

The most surprising of all, I actually LIKED the Eloise and Cressida side plot, which I was really not expecting. I like the way Cressida is presented, not an angel but also not super bad. And I love that she managed to give Eloise some very important call-outs and threw some truths in her face that she desperately needed to hear and no one else had done in the previous seasons (at least not so directly).

A little hurray to baby Greg and Hyacinth being the most adorable little pre-teens god they are so big, I can't! I love them so much.

Also, I had quite a lot of fun with Benedict, especially him being called out by Lady Tilly for the EXACT same reason he was having a laugh at Anthony last season. I absolutely loved that one. And I want to know what's the deal with Lady Danbury's bro.

I didn't particularly care for the music in it as a whole BUT I have to say this: I did NOT expect Pitbull's Give Me Everything would work SO DAMN WELL SERIOUSLY I LOVED IT! I saw it on the setlist and I was like Oh my god grab somebody sexy tell them hey! How is this going to work? And IT DID! I VIBED SO HARD WITH IT! Seriously did not see THAT ONE coming.

I have ticked off 9 of my bingo predictions! Unfortunately, as we know, Anthony's butt in ep 1 was not one of that (so so so sad) Colin being chased by a duck was neither, which makes me really upset BUT we still have another 4 eps to go 🦆 (I know, I know, let me dream, leave me be).

I'll be watching it again later today with my mum, maybe tomorrow again with my Frannie. (ADHD hyper fixation yeah I know).

As I said, it had its ups and downs but overall I liked it very much. I can't wait for the next part.

[thekatebridgerton]

Today on another episode of... oh you know the drill, I'm sleep deprived, I write aus at 3am, fall asleep without energy enough to keep writing, only to do it all over again next weekend. So for this week's episode:

Benophie meet the Robinsons au

So this kid Charlie suddenly lands in 12 year old orphaned Sophie's backyard, right around the time her father married Araminta, and for some reason Charlie claims that she is the only person who can help him fix the time machine that brought him there in the first place else his parents are going to kill him. And some evil villain is out to get him. So of course science kiddo Sophie agrees to help.

Except that while she tries fixing it, the time machine malfunctions again and sends 12 year old Sophie and 11 yo Charlie into the future.

The thing is that Charlie Bridgerton's entire family is currently all in his grandmother's estate for their annual game of pall mall.

And his family is... a lot to take in

Sophie's new friend has 7 eccentric aunts and uncles, plus their spouses, around 20 cousins ( Sophie really keeps loosing count of how many cousins Charlie has), then there's the unexpected visits from the sisters of his uncle's wives, with their respective husbands. Sophie counted one two, five Grandmothers having tea in the solar. And of course, Charlie's father, the artist Benedict Bridgerton, (who has got to be the most handsome man little Sophie has ever seen and Charlie's three younger siblings. )

They all think Sophie is some kind of school mate that Charlie has brought home and treat her so well that cute orphan Sophie starts wishing she could have a family like the Bridgertons, no matter how much Charlie says that's a bad idea because his mom definitely wouldn't like it, but once the Bridgertons find out that Charlie's friend is an orphan, of course they want to take her in.

Until Charlie's mom comes back home ready to scold her son for damaging her time machine and... little Sophie Beckett finds herself face to face with genius British scientist Sophie Bridgerton. Cue the chaos from the family realizing that Charlie brought his little mom to the future.

In the end when the evil corporation is defeated and the future time continuum is saved Sophie goes back to the past, ready to endure under Araminta until she can get an early emancipation and a scholarship to put all her effort into science and create a time Machine... and then she bumps into some slacker teenager painting the walls with graffiti and calling it art. Young Benedict is far from the wonderful man Sophie met in the future, but... she wants to stick to him and figure out how they ended up married in the future, worse, as her life keeps progressing and her friendship/ on and off art trade offs, with Ben keeps getting stronger trough the years, how can she hide the knowledge of who exactly is her in-laws future spouse.

Take for example Penelope from the journalism club, when Colin Bridgerton said he'd never date her, Sophie wanted to punch him and tell him he'd regret those words soon enough. She literally saw his adult version missing his wife just because Penelope went outside for air. And let's not mention Benedict's pompous older brother who always thinks he knows best, making plans to date Kate's sister right Infront of Sophie and Benedict. At that point Sophie was just opening a betting pool with grandma Danbury and calling it a day. Simon showing up one day and pretending to date Daphne was honestly the least weird part of Sophie's college years. When they got married, she was the least surprised, she knew!!

Francesca getting married to Michael's cousin? Since when? Sophie was convinced Michael was Fran's husband in the future, she didn't know about any John...wait ..wait oh no

And let's not get started with super feminist ' I don't need a man I'll never get married afraid of children ' Eloise, little Sophie was almost adopted into the Bridgerton family because adult Eloise was an avid children's rights advocate with a husband who believed in adopting orphans left and right. To find out that Eloise, the star step mom who was all about healing Sophie's trauma, used to be some surly angry highschool rebel, really had Sophie wondering if Eloise had a nicer secret twin.

And all the while in which Sophie is going with the flow keeping up with the Bridgertons and helping them out into becoming the happily weird and chaotic family she knows they can be. She ends up not noticing that ex graffiti artist, turned gallery owner Benedict is really into her. Mostly because Sophie knows herself as his wife or rather his future wife. And he keeps asking her to be his friend with benefits so she automatically thinks he's joking and doesn't pay him attention whenever he DMs her a horny come hither.

Benedict's family on the other hand who already love Sophie, keep telling him that a genius inventor like Sophie will never take him seriously unless he's ready to give her something solid to rely on. Instead of being a shameless tease, he should be a man and ask her out for real. But Benedict hesitates because Sophie already looks like she's been inlove with someone since forever. What he doesn't know is that he's actually jealous of himself, or rather, jealous of the man he'll be in the future, who Sophie met when she was 12.

What a complicated mess.

[cookinguptales]

I almost wrote a small essay in the tags of that "fanwork as content" post but realized that it would probably be better off as its own post. So now it's... a large, rambling essay. lmao

Like... to preface, AO3 is great, it's a great resource for fandom, it feels good to have a centralized location that works well. That said, there has been a steady decline in how I've felt treated as an author since we switched to an archive-only model of fic.

For people who are newer to fandom, pre-AO3 (and even in the early days of AO3), people often crossposted fic. Sometimes to websites, sometimes to journals (particularly LJ/DW), sometimes to communities, sometimes to kink memes...

AO3, while certainly one of the primary places you could upload stuff, wasn't necessarily where you would get most of your primary interaction about your fic. It was always designed to be an archive, not a social media site.

But since we moved to an archive model (and away from LJ/DW) I've noticed that fic gets almost no traction on sites that actually are intended for social interaction. I'm not saying it's easy for any creator in fandom, but god. The numbers on fic posts are just downright demoralizing.

I don't mean to sound arrogant here, but I think I'm a pretty good writer. People seem to really connect with my fic. In multiple fandoms, I've written fic that most people have read and enjoyed, to the point where people have just taken it for granted that if someone reads fic in the fandom, they've probably read something I've written.

All this is to say, I know I've written fics that people like. I know I've written fics that people connect with. And I know those posts still only get like 5 notes sometimes on Tumblr.

I'm proud of my work and I'm happy that it's gotten such a warm welcome on AO3!!! But there are times when I feel like all this means that I could write literally the best fic on earth and still no one would talk to me. People still wouldn't want to interact with me on social media sites.

I wrestled for... honestly, a long time with all this. I had a hard time putting into words why this felt so uh. Bad. Was I just self-conscious about my own writing? Yes, but that's a separate issue. Was I just jealous of others' popularity? Sort of, but it went deeper than that.

I had an issue with a fandom that I don't write in anymore. I got a lot of fanart based on my fic, which was great, which was amazing, there were even fan comics made. Visual media travels better on social media than fic. That's just a fact. And I had to watch as repeatedly, art based on the fic I wrote got thousands of notes while my fic got maybe 12. And I realized the power of social media vs. AO3 because it did get to audiences that weren't familiar with my fic and people started to give those artists credit for my ideas.

I remember watching the tags of those posts because it was occasionally the only way I'd hear feedback on what I'd written (imagine getting one comment and 5 notes on a fic, then seeing dozens of people in the tags of fanart saying that it was their favorite fic in the fandom! it was weird!) and seeing the tags gradually devolve into "oh, this is such a neat idea for an AU, artist OP" or "wow this dialogue is perfect [artist] I love it" and like

It's weird to feel so happy because so many people are enjoying your work in a transformative way but also so unhappy because you have been completely removed from the equation. No one... even knows you wrote those things anymore. You have been removed in favor of a more "marketable" version of your work.

It's uh. It's a bad feeling. I stopped writing in that fandom eventually.

So again, I felt like... idk, like there was no point in me even trying. Because I could write the best fic on earth and still somehow get erased as a person. People would want my "content," but they wouldn't want me.

I think that's what hurt my feelings so much.

What I've realized is this: what I miss is the sense of community. On LJ, you could post a fic, cross-post it to a community, and there would be comments that would become conversations that would become lasting friendships. Not always! But often. I still talk to some people daily who I met through fic on LJ over a decade ago.

In the archive model, there has almost become a death of the author. The me on social media and the me on AO3 are very different; more importantly, it's almost like it's viewed as the "me" is on social media, but the work is on AO3. I am absent. There is only the fic, not the person who created it.

And that's okay, but when you try to combine those two things on social media and it goes over like a lead balloon... idk. There's an odd sense of dehumanization. I don't mean it in like... I don't know, a dramatic human rights violation kind of way. More that I literally feel like less of a human person the way I interact with fandom these days. Like I'm no longer a person who writes fic as a way to connect with my fellow fans and more a "content creator" whose human side is separate from my creation and never the twain shall meet.

(And I'll admit it feels especially galling to be forced into the capitalistic "content creator" box when it's not even a thing I can make money off of, lmao. It's like the worst of both worlds. I feel like if I can't make money off fanfic, I should at least be exempt from capitalistic social trends during its creation.)

I'm not so much complaining about my current fandom; WWDITS has actually been one of the best fandoms for interaction I've been in since the birth of AO3. That's one of the reasons I keep writing stories for fellow fans to read -- many of those fans feel like my friends, and I want to make them happy.

I think that poster was right when they talked about how the pivot from fan to "content creator" has fucked up fandom. There is this sense that we should be treating fandom like a job, often a fast-paced one with no pay. There is this idea that we should be separated from our "content" like you might a worker from their product, and blah blah blah alienation of labor, Marx, I get it, but damn if that isn't a shitty thing to do to your fellow fans who are making art for the love of art.

There are so many things I do love about AO3. I like having a central, organized place to put my fic. I like not having to worry about my work being lost to the ages. I like having an organized comments section I can return to on bad days to cheer myself up.

But I don't like the way that fic has kind of been relegated to a portion of fandom where people aren't particularly social. I don't like the way that authors are separated from their writing. I hear people complain sometimes about A/Ns because god forbid an author leave any trace of their actual personality to distract you from their content.

I can't have DMs with someone on AO3. I can't add someone to my friends list. There are no "beloved mutuals." There is just my work and the people who are kind enough to comment on it, even if they never actually engage with me elsewhere.

It's... a weird feeling, to feel so loved and unloved at the same time. Like you keep writing trying to make something good enough that people will talk to you but like. That's really not how it works. lmao. The best fic in the world won't make you friends anymore. It won't make people see you as a fellow fan rather than a pen name under a title.

My fic is some of the most personal stuff in the entire world, but my personhood is stripped away from it. It's so fucking weird. People like my fic, but they don't like me. They remember my stories but not the person who told them. It's bizarre. It feels like having your life and experiences strip-mined for content, and then the rest of it is just... left behind.

Frankly... I work in the publishing industry IRL and I have had opportunities to write professionally. Real, tangible opportunities. But I turned them down because I've seen it, the way that trying to fit such an intensely personal art form into a capitalistic framework can be exhausting, dehumanizing, and stressful. I don't want that for my work. Fandom has always been an escape from that.

But now fandom is starting to conform to those exact same capitalistic frameworks (and ofc without any kind of capitalistic compensation) and I hate to see it. It's so stressful. I feel like we're losing a lot of what makes fandom fun for writers and we're getting pretty much nothing in return. I'm not surprised that so many writer friends I know in fandom have quit.

like damn, I just wanna have fun with a bunch of dumbshits who love to overanalyze vampires and cry over their dumbshit shenanigans, not take on a second job. one that, I reiterate, I am not being paid for.

(Note: I am not asking for payment, just that I not be treated like a worker. The tradeoff for treating someone like a worker is that they get compensated for it. If I'm not being compensated, no one gets to treat me like this is my fucking job.)

It's a weird thing, because for a lot of people, fandom has become their job. Fanartists at cons selling fanart, youtube essayists making money off videos, professional cosplayers with sponsorships, etc. And so fandom is becoming more corporate, more capitalistic, more marketable. It's frustrating for those who don't want to capitalize on our fannish output, and doubly frustrating for people who are legally unable to do so.

I'm realizing as I write this that I'm most upset about the nonconsensual capitalization of fandom, particularly when imposed on people who are unable to access the very meager benefits of capitalism. I didn't ask for any of this!

Feels like when I'd be forced to go to assemblies for the US military when I was in high school. Like I'm morally opposed to all this but I'm also not physically fit for "service" anyway, so it's doubly insulting. I feel like I've been opted into the, ah, corporatization of fandom when I'm not even eligible for employee benefits. None of this should even apply to me! ;;

Okay!! I'm all het up now so I'm gonna go eat lunch and go for a walk! No monetization of hobbies, only trees.

[plural-culture-is]

hello, i saw that you take asks asking for advice? sorry this is gonna be kind of long-

so at some point (i have no idea when, i've always had a really bad sense of time lol. i think it was maybe almost exactly last year? idk lol) i started talking with a voice in my head (which i passed off as an imaginary friend), but over time they kind of. multiplied. and then i kinda went 'ah shittake mushrooms am i plural??'

initially i kinda went 'oh whatever' and didn't end up interacting much with (what i believe to be) my system for a while. if it's relevant, i ended up getting a concussion at the end of july and before that i was not having a funky fresh time in school so i kind of shoved plurality onto the back burner

then in december, my director made a passing joke about the possibility of me being plural during a rehearsal, and someone in the system (who doesn't wish to be named) said something to the effect of 'he doesn't know there's (i forget the number) of us' and i ended up spending the weekend obssessively researching plurality.

anyway- i've been treating it as if i was system for the past little while bc i'd rather be wrong than y'know. accidentally ignore real people that happen to share my brain. (when i don't accidentally think to myself that i'm probably not plural while talking to them-). and i guess i kinda want an external opinion?

-i do experience a lot of dissociation, and often don't feel like i'm me or that these hands are not mine, or that i'm not controlling myself and it's just some autopilot being on. this has been happening for as long as i remember. i also seem to have two handwritings, and have communicated with members of the system via journalling

-i did use to do competitive sports from a young age, which i hear can potentially cause undue stress/trauma to a child, so that could also be something?

-some of them (members of the system, we haven't decided on a term bc communication is spotty) do fit classic roles of a system. most notably is there's one that continually keeps me from doing things that could harm myself and helps 'protect' me from intrusive thoughts

-when i discovered apparently people remember shit and the brain doesn't just dump it like an hour later, that surprised me. i'm still in my teens, but i genuinely do not remember much about... anything tbh. the term 'gray out' honestly explained a lot for me

-i have aphantasia, but the system insists there's a headspace. some of them make fun of me for 'being blind in headspace', but i think they're also helping?? me with the aphantasia, since recently i've been able to see shadowy outlines of stuff they 'airdrop' to me. this includes waking me up by bombarding me with the word 'boo' zooming at my face when i was half asleep.

-sometimes i can feel them like, hugging me or comforting me

-i also do feel some sort of presence in there, and can sometimes pinpoint where certain members are. i also seem to be unable to access the 'back half' which is apparently intentional so.

i mean there's probably more but my memory is not great lol. typing this out does make me feel a bit more like this is real and i'm not misinterpreting things (i do have a very active imagination, hence why i initially went 'ah late imaginary friend having'). but i'd still like an external opinion, so thanks for taking the time to read this half rant that is way longer than it should be haha

yes, i do think you're plural. i have nothing else to say lol, all of that sounds very plural and it seems like you already know that anyway

[shit-talk-turner]

I'm on the fence whether Bad Disease is solely about Alex but the lyrics: "Oh the power of the man with the switchblade comb", "He always says, I couldn't manage you on my own" is pretty convincing.

Alexandra has said this song was the most 'challenging' to write on The Archer and is also one of her favourites lyrically. There definitely seems to be bad blood between her and Alex, it's clear at least professionally she wasn't happy about how things went down. I don't know if any of you have read the AMA she did on Reddit for her 2nd album but some of her answers make it obvious how she feels about him.

One asked what's the biggest difference between the 1st and 2nd album she said: "I was alone.", Another asked what happened to her partnership with Alex, she said: -.__- (a crying face), She told one questioner the themes of the new album are "manipulation, abuse, rejection and growth." There was a question that asked how her personal process differed for the 2nd album and she answered "Yeah it was a lot less pressure making this record, I had more say and more freedom of expression" She also said this "I was very insecure while writing my first record, and I was co-writing so I used a lot of techniques to shelter my own opinions and feelings, in The Archer it was just me, so it was more of a journal entry than a big fancy record." Someone asked her why she didn't work with Alex and James again she responded with this: -_- Another was when someone asked her why BoS didn't get a 'proper promotional run' she replied "I can't really say, but I don't think I was ever gonna make the kind of $$$ Columbia wanted"

I feel bad for her honestly, sounds like it was a difficult time and that she was going through it for a time after. She's talented and I like her music, her voice especially it's sad she felt she had to fight to be heard or feels she has to prove she is an artist in her own right and didn't rely on someone else to 'make her'.

I think if 'Bad Disease' is about Alex she is describing him as having an abundance of charm and allure "His jacket calls me with obsidian blade" She seems to be seduced by him as a person "I drank the Venom....Made it my life mission to feel that again" He also exudes power "The ground he walks upon reigns to dust" She is aware that he has a power over her too and that she doesn't always agree with but finds herself helpless to resisting him and his ways. "He's got a bad disease, I think it's rubbin off on me, he's got spider silk hands, I think I've fallen into them."

Yeah we think all the allusions to the charm, mystique, charisma and power have Alex written all over them

[petite-ursus]

With my birthday next week (eeee!) I finally managed to get some journaling done. 7 pages and I only got a fraction of the summer onto paper. So many wonderful and strange and exciting things have happened the last few months... it's just so difficult to sum it up.

I've mentioned there's a part of me that wishes I was at a point where I felt safe to be emotionally available... to really put an effort into dating again... but I think because it has been such a whirlwind summer with Options At Hand I just keep forgetting how little time has past since the ex finally got out of my house.

It was less than a year ago that I was waking up every morning literally drenched in sweat. I was still being touched when I didn't want it. I wasn't being allowed to sleep through the night. I was anxious and scared, sad and lonely in a way I've never experienced before, and honestly it feels so surreal now.

I'm sure the ex has been madly in and out of love at least twice in the time it has taken me just to feel okay again... that's who she is, and I don't view that as a flex. Still, there is a part of me that wishes I could have snapped back even half so quickly and that I had a wonderful gorgeous partner on my arm to validate to the world that I'm Good... that's just not where I am.

She terrorized me. Threw my furniture. Screamed at me. Took over my bedroom and wrecked my sleep. Wouldn't get out of my house, and made the place I loved most into a palace of eggshells. She intentionally made me doubt my judgement, made me feel small and unsure... and yeah, I've spent the last year recovering the self she saw and wanted to have, if not love. Excavate her from the wreckage. Whatever.

I've said it before and I'll say it again... I'm still afraid. Not of her, because she has no access to me... but of what I allowed, and could allow again. Hindsight is 20/20 and I see now how she was like a copy paste in a lot of ways of other people I've loved. The difference of course being that while those relationships were rocky they were based in mutual love. I've been mulling on what a difference that makes... What habits that allows to form. They all had these similar through lines, but with her it was a more dangerous iteration because she wanted to possess me as someone she saw value in... but never actually loved me as a person. Being with her forced me confront some very real relationship patterns of my own, without that glammer of love to make the acts of violence less damning. Who I choose. Why I choose them. The full depth of the harm choosing people like that can do to me. I want to believe that now, having been through that I'll make different choices. I know even as I'm browsing the apps I'm doing it differently than I did before... but people lie, and I don't want to enter my next relationship with my guard all the way up. There's only so much I can do, and then I have to trust another person...

I still can't imagine letting anyone into my home again. I don't know if that's something I'll ever be able to do.Though I hope I say this like a character in a book who doesn't know she's going to be living with the love of her life in 5 chapters(years.)

Two weeks ago was one of the first times since she destroyed the peace I found in my home, where I looked around and said, "Oh I love it here," again. The animals are all happy and healthy, the string lights and plants and all my rocks and decorations make my heart sing. There's no mess and no clutter. I think, maybe now that I have a landing space again... a real refuge again that doesn't feel just like... a place where something terrible happened, with gaps in the furniture and wall decorations where my things were removed to make space for her... maybe now I can get there, to a place where I can let someone else in... but man... tldr, I really just need to give myself a break and let it happen when it happens. It was so so bad. I've had such a wonderful year by comparison that the edges of my memory have softened and made me feel like I should be "back at it," with the life goals that involve another person... but like so bad my actual health deteriorated and I was literally in the hospital. It is OK that it is taking time (LESS THAN A YEAR) to process it all and heal from it. SHOULDERS take more time to fully heal than that sometimes.

Life is so long. There is so much time.

And also, as an aside... I've been rolling around in my head what a surprise blessing it is that in seeing how unloved I was in this last relationship I'm able to find real love in my past relationships where I'd been unsure of it before, because it was so clearly there by comparison. Not that I'd go back to these other people, not that it changes any of the things that were/went wrong, but to know that even if I wasn't loved well... I was loved... That's valuable to me. That's a gift I wasn't expecting.