#honestly i think itd be soooo interesting for comphet jancy on Jonathan's side.

[findafight]

Thinking about gay Jonathan Byers. Gay Jonathan who sees what his baby bro goes through and thinks well, people might whisper about them but he doesn't get nearly as much flack as Will. Who convinces himself he's never really looked at anyone so he's not gay. Probably.

Gay Jonathan who sees Nancy as an unattainable girl so perfect that it's easy to have a "crush" on her, especially when she's dating Steve (who came back, rushed in, grabbed a bat and swung when he didn't have to. Could have run away. Who was only there to apologize for being an asshole and wouldn't leave without at least yelling through the door. Who sometimes elbows Jon gently and smiles like they have a secret together.)

Jonathan who likes being Nancy's friend and confidante, who loves feeling close to another person without the pressure of sex or romance, who thinks his life would be so much easier if it was actually Nancy he had a crush on since they fought a monster in November of '83. Who sees Steve rush out of the bathroom at Tina's Halloween party with tears in his eyes and gets asked to make sure Nancy gets home okay and does so. Of course he does.

Jonathan who thinks that he must be in love with Nancy because what else could it be? Who thinks this is what he's supposed to feel so it's what he feels. Who follows her to a man who reads their relationship as something Jon wishes it could be but inst sure it's what it is, who thinks if some random guy sees it then it must be true. It must be.

Gay Jonathan who sleeps with Nancy Wheeler because he wants to be the kind of person who sleeps with girls, dates girls, loves girls, even if he isn't quite sure he likes it. Jon who goes back home to his brother possessed and Steve leading the pack of middleschoolers through the woods with a jacket and sunglasses and a nail-studded bat and doesn't have time to process anything because his baby brother needs him to be strong, to protect.

Who doesn't think about it after everything is done.

Jonathan who dates Nancy and thinks that he could be okay like this for the rest of his life. Who thinks that there are far worse ways to live than beside Nancy Wheeler.

Who becomes friends with Steve again in spring of '85 after the sting of his girlfriend dumping him then immediately hooking up with Jon has faded enough. Jonathan who has a fight with Nancy in May and gets drunk at Steve's, just them two, and kisses him hard. Who wants Steve to be the one he sleeps beside and touches and loves. Who gets kissed back, head cradled gently. Who isn't the first to pull away.

Jonathan who gets told by Steve that it isn't fair to Nancy. That Steve can't do it. Who thinks for a second he's going to get punched, called slurs, kicked out. Who's told that if he and Nancy really are broken up, come back in a week and they'll talk. Who thinks he could have done it, broken up with Nancy and wrapped his arms around Steve a week later and held on, and kissed, and wanted.

Jonathan who accepts Nancy's apology and apologizes himself the next day.

Jonathan who has a fight with her in July, worse than in May, because they don't understand the way the other struggles with prejudice and hardship. Who feels like he might be able to breathe because maybe they'll break up over it. Maybe they'll be hurt for a while but still be friends. Maybe he could go to Steve and ask for another shot, ask for a chance.

Jonathan who gets pulled into supernatural bullshitery again and can't find the emotional strength to sort through everything again between worrying about his job and brother and whatever the fuck is happening with the town.

Jon who moves to California with a little brother and a little sister, thinking maybe the distance will make it easier to break up with Nancy and not ruin any friendship they might have. Who meets Argyle his first day in school and thinks he can do it. Who talks to Steve on the phone after will and El have both filled in their babysitter on all the happenings he's missing from Hawkins.

Who hears Steve gush about Robin, his best friend, his soulmate, his other half. Who listens as Steve says, earnest and soft, that he's so glad he and Jon are friends. That he hopes California treats him well, that he loves him.

Jon who knows it's not in the way he wanted back in July. Who's pretty sure he's okay with that now.

Gay Jonathan who smokes with Argyle because there's nothing better to do and he's still doing long distance with Nancy because he doesn't know how to make the words I think we should break up come out of his mouth. Who watches Argyle smile at Will and El on the way to school and wants it to last forever. Who wants to hold his hand over the console and kiss his knuckles and thread his fingers through his long hair. Who loves so much he thinks he might cry with it, might blurt it out at any moment, might tell Nancy over the phone before he tells her they should end things.

Jonathan whose little sister has been arrested and whose mom isn't answering and who has to deal with Mike wheeler breaking both his siblings' hearts in one goddamn trip and can only think to call Argyle for help. Who drags his best friend into the insanity Hawkins has been going through for years because he can't think of anyone else he wants by his side. Who saves his sister and nearly punches Mike and doesn't hold Argyle's hand.

Jonathan Byers who rolls into his hometown to gate to hell opening up.

Idk I'm just thinking about gay Jonathan angst I guess...