#honestly i have no clue what to even do with loche

[accio-victuuri]

XZ’s GQ February issue candies 🍬

now that we all had the time to appreciate the lovely photos and videos from that cover & collab — which is honestly a whole meal on it’s own, now is the time for some sweets. 🫶🏼 nothing too extravagant, a few similarities and clues we have connected only. i think the best candy still is the fact that it’s now confirmed that zz & wyb both have a good relationship with gq. even rocco going as far as choosing xz to start having simultaneous cover releases with other countries. sit tight and wait for all the toxic narratives to be proven wrong. don’t sweat it. the road ahead is long. let’s enjoy life and support the boys! 🫶🏼

One thing i noticed, and was actually surprised about was WYB posting an ad for Super X as early as 8:00 AM. Tho he may post at 8:05, which is rare, he usually does ad posts at 10:00. The 8:05 is mostly done by the brands. We have talked about them trying their best not have work overlap, this is a minor one, but as soon as GQ posted at 9:30 i feel like i know what’s happening. Then it didn’t stop till 12:00 nn. It doesn’t help cause i’m clowning that the short film feature for this cover was assigned Chapter 8. WYB posted at 8, the full short film is 8. What a nice coincidence!

Knowing WYB is not a stranger to doing short films with GQ and their love for movies! It wouldn’t really surprise me now if GG does a full feature about LOCH with them. These two really chose the same publication to do exclusive for their projects 😌😌

the similarity that i love is them in the bathroom and then looking at the mirror. tho wyb’s are scenes from HB, these stills were first seen @ GQ.

there is a story here 👀👀

it’s nice too how GQ used ZZ’s photos and put them in the frames. what a nice touch! since this is essentially his dream 💭

+ peter pan pop up art book on the bed too!

overall, there is really not that much we can clown about when it comes to photos alone. tho what gg is wearing has an interesting story as shared by @rainbowsky here. some may say it’s the stylist and magazine’s choice but we still love seeing the association. In addition, the clothes were inspired by Nicole Kidman’s clothes in a Chanel perfume ad. i love the unconventional wedding dress choice here, it fits them! <3

moving on to the biggest way we can cpn tho is the interview & cover story.

i especially liked the questions, it wasn’t cutesy. it asked what needed to be asked.

here are some of the similarities i found with them and their outlook in life and career. 🤍

First of all, being professional is an unavoidable topic. You can have a non-major background, but you must have excellent professional skills. This is what I want to do, this is who I am. I feel that I am not enough, and i’m too far behind.

I think (improving acting skills) is a cumulative process. You can’t make a big step forward with just one movie. This is difficult for me to happen. So you have to keep filming, but you have to keep filming good films and don't consume yourself.

It’s the intent to be a better actor and the self awareness of not having that “background” people expect them to have. However, they can compensate by being professional. by being the hardest working person in the room. Sometimes I feel like it’s okay for them to praise themselves and not always be this critical, but i guess that’s what make them the best too cause they have high standards for themselves.

At present, I want to be an actor who makes the audience like you. Maybe everyone is not your fan, or even not particularly interested in you, but you know that he has a drama, Do you want to watch it? His dramas are all good. I want to do this. This is my current goal. Is it possible to become the actor I like? This is a rule.

THIS. This!!!!!! I feel like they both have this outlook. They don’t need every single person to be their “fan” but the goal is to become known and liked by the general public. That people are familiar with them as good actors with excellent works. It’s why there is absolutely no need to beat yourself up on who is the better fan. It doesn’t keep the boys up at night. Lol.

There are many. For example, Zhou Xun has always been my favorite actor.

Zhou Xun! Who has worked with WYB in various projects, primarily with Chanel! I hope ZZ gets to work with her too.

I used to take the subway every day. for me there’s nothing I can't do. What do you think I can do? Say hello and leave. It’s just that I don’t want to cause confusion and trouble for everyone or cause a bad reaction.

The two of them have the same intention of not wanting to cause trouble to the people. That means making sure their fans do not cause unnecessary public issues like gathering in certain places.

Everyone has their own boundaries, and some people have no sense of propriety. I stay away from such people, but when the boundaries are broken again and again and the bottom line is touched, I will get very angry.

Chongqing pepper is here! lol. I see them being very patient and understanding cause they know what people expect of celebrities. But they won’t also take things lying down. They will fight if need be.

In principle, I am a very rigid person. If I insist on something and I think it is right, it will be difficult to be convinced. For example, if I want to be an actor, I don’t want to do anything other than being an actor.

I just want to do it well, just try my best right now. Maybe the result is not good, but what should I do? This is all I can do.

Sounds familiar? Especially the part that says I want to do it well? They have the same braincell 🙃

Now let’s look at the cover story. First, i wanna point out the comment of the interviewer about ZZ: “Before meeting, I thought Xiao Zhan would be very cautious about interviews. To my surprise, Xiao Zhan had a rare sense of relaxation, answered all questions, and even had some humor.”

Which is actually a common misconception about XZ or — you know what? he was kind cautious before but as time goes by, he became more relaxed and candid with his answers. It’s still insightful, but not as practiced. In the Q&A, he mentioned that there are things that cannot be said. Setting boundaries like that. Similarly, WYB is the same. We’ve heard stuff saying that he is in a more relaxed state now. I love that for them!

I still sneak out to ride a bicycle, take a walk, and do a CityWalk. Only once, just now in after walking in the alley for 5 minutes, I was recognized. I also sneaked into the cinema to watch a movie. No one will care about you, really. after leaving the Internet, many things will be solved easily. Sometimes the world is right in front of us.

This goes out to everyone that says how can they go out? How are the CPNs of them spending time together be true? Well this is the answer. Sneaked into a cinema to watch a movie? I hope they do that together too ^^

When he goes to different cities, Xiao Zhan will bring the same type of pillows and quilts. "I will bring everything that can help me sleep well." He has also tried aromatherapy lamps, lavender essential oil, and various other products that make him fall asleep when applied on his body.

This is such an easy cpn for us. Remember that time DLS clowned WYB about the aromatherapy candles? HAHAHAHAHAHA!

-END.

[belliesandburps]

Hey, if you’re still open for headcanons, here’s mine:

-Aidan and Kai often like to bathe in hot, boiling lava.

-Mako’s playlist is most likely the “Jaws” theme on endless loop(cliché, I know).

-Loch, Kentaro, Adam, and Koloss get the most enjoyment out of anyone being attracted to their ravenous appetites! Hence why they often allow belly rubs and being fed by willing servants.

-Koloss and Mako tend to bite into steel-hard objects to strengthen their chompers.

-Umbark and his monster bros secretly know about Plague monster’s little “attraction” and likes to tease him every chance they get.

-Mauler acts like a puppy dog most of the time and Mako will most likely take advantage of this. Playing fetch, doing tricks. etc.

-Nara is secretly more girly than she comes out to be. She doesn’t admit it to a lot of people(other than Hakari) because she thinks it shows weakness.

Hey there! Thanks for this one, this was a lotta fun to read! I always love seeing how my OC's are interpreted by others, and these were all a blast!

Here's my general canonical thoughts on each one below, which you can skip if you'd rather I not spoil the magic. :P

Believe it or not, of the two, only Kai is physically strong enough to bathe in lava, which he DOES 100% do. He basks in lava like a spa because of the power he now possesses. Aidan can tolerate lava for a while, but it's one of the few things that can actually burn him over time. In his case, he still prefers hot springs, like the hottest springs. And as you can guess, he enjoys 'em completely in the nude. ;)

Kentaro and especially Adam are definitely the most 'flaunt-y' about their appetites. And will be the most seductive about it. Koloss loves belly rubs, but he's a bit pickier, and mostly, it's either rub his belly or ENTER it...

Loche, if I ever end up doing anything with him, actually doesn't like most people touching him. He's not a very sociable bounty hunter. He's more a blunt, no-nonsense brute...BUT, if he finds he enjoys having his blubbery gut tended to, he won't object...if a complete stranger starts rubbing his belly though...? Well, we've all seen what Marvin Martian's atomizer does...

I think Umbrak definitely is at least SOMEWHAT aware of Claudius' kinks, and even if he finds it weird, he can't resist watching the manic lil nerd get all jittery and flustered. Plus, it means he gets a good meal AND some amazing belly rubs in the process!

Mauler is as much a puppy dog as I am a reincarnated ostrich demon. If anything, MAKO'S the puppy dog, with how much of a complete doofus he is. Mauler is just way more single-minded. He IS a bit canine-like, in that he's always thinking of food, and is incredibly loyal to Mako, always by his companion's side no matter what. But throw a ball his way, and he'll just sniff it, chomp it into oblivion, then spit it out mildly annoyed that it's not an egg. :P

Nara's about as girly as I am the reincarnation of Mitch Hedberg. Through and through, she is a tomboy and lover of all things that go boom...BUT, interestingly enough, there IS a bit more vulnerability than she lets on, which she 100% refuses to show because she runs Cerberus and is less afraid of feeling weak and more just wanting to give her gang a strong anchor they can always rely on. A hint of why is inside the closed locket she keeps behind the dogtags around her neck.

Thank you again for these! I enjoyed reading your thoughts on my OC's a great deal! :)

[donnies--jacket]

Saw the character question thing so I thought I'd stop by! The character is Donatello (original I know sfsfdg). Anyways hope you have a good day!

!!!!!!!! a!! GSDHGSDHGDDH!!! THANK YOu for sending in an ask! 🥺 i thought i wouldnt get any, honestly fhhgdfhdg-- bUT YES, i will take any excuse to gush about my favorite boy!

and aaaaaaa tysm 🥺 i hope you're having a good day/night too!!! 💘💖💓💕💗💝💞

favorite thing about them:

everything??? deadass???? GSDHGSDHGSFHGCH--

donnie is literally one of my biggest comfort characters, he makes me so happy. i genuinely can't pinpoint one singular favorite thing about him. so. i guess everything about him is my favorite thing 🥺💕

least favorite thing about them:

not anything, really, if i'm being completely honest. he's just so delightful and fun to watch and he makes me so extreamely happy that, even when more of his negative traits are prominent in an episode, i still genuinely love everything about him.

sure, i could try to nitpick, but honestly i don't really want to-

favorite line:

i have so many favorites, but this post is gonna be long enough already so here's just five of them:

"A P R I L . it is not normal to LIQUIDIZE YOUR FRIENDS"

"you wanna enter my design in a father-son competition? OMIGOOOSSH DREAMS DO COME TRUE!!!!"

"all of my tech is standing by. and i mean all of my tech."

"and clearly, we all know that it's... PIZZASAURUS!! THE EVIL SPAWN OF THE LOCH NESS MONSTER AND BIGFOOT!! ITS TAKING OVER PIZZA WEEK!!!!!"

"i just got second, i just got second!!~ *trumpet noises*"

brOTP:

DONNIE AND APRIL.

their friendship is literally so sweet and i love them so much. april has such feral older sister vibes towards all the turtles, but her and donnie in particular are just the absolute best of friends and it makes me SO HAPPY.

OTP:

i don't really have one?? i'm not much of a shipper. i prefer platonic and familial relationships much more to romantic ones most of the time, to be honest. like yeah romance is cool and all, but have you ever had a platonic bond with someone so deep that they become family to you and you literally couldn't imagine your life without them?

nOTP:

aside from the obvious t//cest? i don't... really know?? hdfjdhfhfhfh-

i'll be honest, donnie being shipped with anyone makes me vv uncomfy, since he's one of my biggest comfort characters so hhhhh.

but, if i had to pick one (that isn't t//cest, since even acknowledging it is honestly a waste of my time and energy), i'd say april and donnie. they're written to be like siblings-- which already makes it really icky and weird, but also because i very much do not like the idea that all close relationships should be romantic. like. romantic relationships aren't deeper or more important than important than friendships, unless you just aren't very good friends.

tldr; straight ppl need to stop shipping characters that are explicitly written to be siblings cuz it's really weird.

random headcannon:

donnie is a biromantic aesexual king and you can't convince me otherwise.

unpopular opinion:

i literally have no idea. i dont have a clue what opinions are and arent popular among the community hffhgdfhdghffhg-

song i associate with them:

summertime in paris by jaden and honey by boy pablo! although im not really sure why fghghfdfh-

favorite picture of them:

ohm y g od i have so many-

this is only a few of my favorites but i have way more. way, way, way, WAY more.

[finding-the-daylight]

It’s been a real fucking stressful week so I’m finally gonna be drunk-watching and reviewing Breaking Dawn Pt. 2. However, I will likely only be slightly drunk(ish) (if at all) because I’m all out of liquor and only have one beer at the moment, but hopefully it’ll be enough to counteract how terrible this movie is lmao. As usual, here is what I remember from the movie the first (and only) time I ever watched it: 

1. The battle scene happened but it was all in Alice’s vision and never actually happened.

2. Imprinting bullshit that none of us want to talk about. Let’s pretend it never happened.

3. Some weird dude makes fake IDs on demand.

4. All the vampires with cool powers get together, yet, sadly, they do not take down the Volturi to form a better, democratic government.

My thoughts as I’m watching are below the break: 

- The opening credits triggered a forgotten feeling of sadness. Was it sadness over a terrible plot or sadness over the series being over? I couldn’t tell you.

- This fucking soundtrack excuse me. The orchestral opening piece? BEAUTIFUL. I want to choreograph a ballet to this. Or do the TikTok twerk challenge to it. Idk. 

- I’m actually kind of sad that this was the last movie and it hasn’t even started yet. Most of the plot is shit and smeyer wrote some horrible garbage, but I want more of this universe. Can some of y’all who are creative write the next book and not be racist or sexist? Thank you.

- Fuck this part of the soundtrack I’m literally going to cry.

- I can’t believe smeyer produced this movie. Who let her? 

- When Bella opens her eyes that shit makes me want to be a vampire @Carlise. 

- Her first instinct is to grab Edward’s arm I’m crying. They love each other so much and it’s so fucking pure. I hate how they look at each other. It makes me sick but it’s all I want.

- This is the most relaxed Edward has been in any of the movies.

- LITERALLY HOW COOL WOULD IT BE TO SEE A FLOWER BLOOM LIKE THAT?!?

- I WANNA JUMP OVER A DAMN WATERFALL

- I actually feel really bad for this deer and I wish they did eat mosquitos :(((((

- Edward’s so proud of her for her control. He loves her so much.

- OMG I FORGOT SHE SAVED THE DEER WE LOVE TO SEE IT SAVE THE  DEER BELLA

- aww fuck no now they’re gonna talk about the imprinting bullshit. I won’t even comment on this because y’all already know my thoughts. We hate it and we hate canon and smeyer is fucked up for what she wrote.

- Carlisle looking fine as fuck as usual, thank you. I don’t love the hairstyle here, but he’s still fire.

- Rosalie looks so happy and we love to see it. She deserves it.

- EMMETT AND ROSALIE ARE INSTIGATING THIS FIGHT AND AS FUCKE UP AS THIS STORYLINE IS I LIVE FOR THEM BOTH AND I LOVE IT LMAO

- THE WAY JACOB SAYS “OH” SENT ME THE FUCK LMAOOOOOO

- Emmett loves this fight and I love Emmett

- Damn Edward’s actually openly being turned on by something for once in his life

- The Loch Ness monster line isn’t that funny anymore tbh. I did not laugh.

- There was a lot of quivering.

- Bella literally said we’re gonna keep going for the rest of eternity. 

- Everyone knows when they get back. So far, Emmett is my favorite in this movie lmao. Even Carlisle who’s always sick of his kids’ shit cracked a smile.

- Poor Charlie. They’re about to tell him she died and they’re all moving.

- Jacob’s about to go tell his secret to Charlie and then shit gets lit. I remember this part now. 

- Taylor deserved an oscar for this scene. This movie might have been trash, but his conversation with Charlie deserved all the awards.

- “Jacob put your on clothes on” fucking SENT ME LMAOOOOO.

- Charlie’s so confused, poor man.

- Jacob straight up invited Charlie over with no warning while Bella was a newborn vampire lmao. 

- I LOVE ESME AND CARLISLE SO MUCH

- The way Carlisle opened the door and said “Hello Charlie” did something to me. I wish my name was Charlie.

- Charlie’s so happy to see Bella though. I’m happy Jake told him tbh. 

- Poor Charlie now he’s all upset because he saw Jacob turn into “a very large dog” and he’s concerned about what this means for Bella.

- She finally called Charlie dad and hugged him like she loved him.

- EDWARD TOLD CHARLIE THE TRUTH THAT RENEMEME WAS THEIR DAUGHTER HOLY SHIT I FORGOT

- Emmett really is my fave in this movie lmaoooo. 

- Everyone is laughing and smiling instead of being all depressed. We lov to see it. This is my favorite scene in any of the movies now. 

- When Bella said she was born to be a vampire, it would’ve been way more effective to start playing “Born to Die” by Lana Del Rey tbh.

- Irina’s about to go tattle-tale to the Volturi. Tbh I’d be pissed too after what those racist fucks did to Laurent. He wanted to join the Cullens and adopt their lifestyle. And by racist fucks, I mean smeyer and the writers of the screenplay.

- Aro is such a dramatic bitch.

- Carlisle could read me the damn phone book and I would listen.

- Honestly smeyer is fucked up the fuck up and I’m starting to think she nejoys writing about children losing their childhood. The immortal children storyline is one of the most fucked up parts of canon and we really need to expose it more. 

- Carlisle and Esme are so damn cute. 

- Uh-oh Sammy boy’s there. Jasper and Alice just bounced? I completely forgot about this.

- The fucking volvo.

- Okay SUPER BIG FUCKING PLOTHOLE HERE. So when they were in Alaska, Edward basically said Renememe had a beating heart so like, wouldn’t the Volturi be able to hear it? Wouldn’t that end the battle before it ever started? Smeyer really just wrote shit without thinking it through lmao.

- We hate to see all the cultural appropriation but we love Rami Malek.

- Senna and Zafrina are STUNNING and the fact that Smeyer wrote them as being anything else is a fucking crime.

- I don’t remember this Garrett hoe but I’ve seen a lot of memes about him so I think he’ll be my second fave in this movie next to Emmett. He’s high key a bitch though for treating people how he did.

- Yeah, I’m with Jacob on this one. The red-eyed bitches don’t need to be killing people. ALSO FUCK SMEYER’S RACIST SHIT AGAIN. MORE WOLVES DUE TO MORE BIOLOGICAL WARFARE THIS IS BULLSHIT SMEYER.

- Garrett really fell in love with this bitch Kate and said idc what you do to me, just do it.

- HOLY SHIT THE NEW WOLVES ARE KIDS KIDS. THEY’RE LIKE 6 OR 7. Y’ALL. WHAT THE EVERLIVING FUCK??? GOING BACK TO WHAT I SAID ABOUT THE IMMORTAL CHILDREN THING. THE POINT STILL STANDS.

- Vladimir and Stefan are EXACTLY the vampires I’ve been waiting on. OVERTHROW THIS MONARCHY OLD ASS SHIT AND FORM THE DEMOCRATIC GOVERNMENT. This scene made me like Carlisle slightly less, but in my headcanon he did want to overthrow the Volturi. I would still stare at him all day and listen to him read the phonebook. But he could’ve been a little more badass. It wouldn’t have hurt.

- Edward actually grew a pair and asked everyone to fight. 

- Is Aro’s hair different in this movie? It looks different and I kinda love it.

- I hate the Volturi and all of them for varying reasons, but I do love Aro’s dramatics.

- Emmett is living for Edward being shocked by Kate which is why, again, he is my fave in this movie lmao.

- Bella reading to Renememe is the sweetest moment in this movie and it deserves more love.

- “Yeah I just do it so much better.” This cocky bastard.

- FINALLY. HE ADMITS HE UNDERESTIMATES HER. THANK YOU HOE. 

- When Jake and Bella are laughing together it makes me smile. It’s so genuine.

- Sue knows what’s good. I can see it in her eyes lmao.

- Alice was smart af though for hiding that clue for Bella. 

- JENKS. That’s the dude’s name that makes the fake IDs.

- “Unusually well-preserved” that’s one way to put it lmao.

- This is so sad. Bella thinks she and Edward will die.

- LOOK AT ALL THOSE BENJIS SHE’S STUFFING INTO BACKPACKS@ BELLA PLEASE PAY OFF MY STUDENT LOAN DEBT 

- Alistair is such a bitch. Why is he even here?

- This little house looks so cozy for Christmas. This is all I want.

- I love the Clearwater family so much and they deserve nothing but our love and respect.

- I FUCKING LOVE GARRETT. “NAME ANY AMERICAN BATTLE I WAS THERE.” LMAOOOOO

- “No one does rebellion like the Irish.” I love this guy too lmao.

- DAMNNNNN 1500 years waiting on revenge?????? They really could’ve overturned the Volturi in favor of a democracy but Carlisle was too damn diplomatic. But he’s still my fave.

- They did Kristen’s eyebrows dirty in this movie.

- Garrett loves Kate so much and it’s so pure. 

- Emmett and Rosalie look so sweet.

- “THE REDCOATS ARE COMING” LMAOOOO I REALLY DO FUCKING LOVE GARRETT AN AWFUL LOT.

- Look @ the Volturi dramatic asses wearing cloaks and shit. Hoe. It’s the 2000s. Not the 1600s. Fix your shit. If a human saw you, you’d expose the secret you’re supposedly trying to keep.

- When Carlisle raised his voice though.

- BUT THIS IS THE BULLSHIT I���M TALKING ABOUT SMEYER PULLING. TALKING ABOUT HOW RENEMEME HAS A BEATING HEART. BITCH. THE VOLTURI WOULD’VE HEARD IT AND KNOWN. NONE OF THIS FUCKERY WAS EVER NECESSARY. SMEYER’S ASS IS MORE DRAMATIC THAN ARO, AND NOT IN A GOOD WAY.

- Bella tried to shield Edward but it wouldn’t stretch all the way to where he was :(((((

- I deadass would not let my child anywhere near Aro period. It would’ve been on sight at this point and the Volturi would’ve been cleared out for democracy.

- I wish Edward would just punch this hoe.

- OH MY GOD I FORGOT ABOUT THE LAUGH THAT IS THE FUNNIEST SHIT

- Jacob seems more concerned than Edward and Bella and that’s really a problem for me. Her parents should’ve torn Aro a new one and that’s on period.

- Bella’s protecting all of them. YAAASSS QUEEN. DEFEAT THESE BTICHES.

- Aro basically verified the headcanon that Gen Z would expose vampires lmaoooo.

- Alice and Jasper save the day.  

- CARLISLE FINALLY SNAPPED YAAAASSSS. BEAT THESE HOES ASSES.

- ESMEEEEEEEEEE

- SAM AND THE BOYS ARE READY TO FUCKIN FIGHT NOW TOO. NO ONE FUCKS WITH CARLISLE.

- This whole fight scene is intense but I already know that none of it really happened and it was all a vision so I’m kind of just tuning it out lmao. 

- Y’all weren’t playing. When they get Seth that shit really does hurt.

- Alright I’m over this. They’re dragging it out. I’m fast-forwarding lmao. 

- YEAH BITCH, BELLA WOULD GET YOUR ASS SO YOU BETTER STOP WHILE YOU CAN.

- OKAY LITERALLY ALSO FUCK THIS STORYLINE NOW I’M PISSED AGAIN I JUST REMEMBERED SMEYER IMPLIED THIS HOE WAS GONNA COME BACK AND FIGHT JACOB FOR RENEMEME WHEN SHE WAS LEGAL IDK IF IT’S IN THE MOVIE IF IT IS Y’ALL FINNA HEAR ABOUT IT AND OF COURSE HE’S INDIGENOUS TOO BECAUSE SMEYER’S GOTTA BE RACIST AS FUCK.

- BUT ANYWAY. Nahuel is actually cool af. Like most of smeyer’s characters, he deserved better.

- Good boy Aro, just walk the fuck away. 

- I really wish Carlisle would’ve just listened to Stefan and Vladimir and kicked the Volturi’s asses. 

- Everyone is so happy and in love. We love to see it. #simpasshoesfandom

- THIS SOUNDTRACK FUCKING SLAPS. THE CLOSING SONG BEFORE THE MEADOW/AT THE BEGINNING OF THE MEADOW IS A JAM.

- Oh fuck here we go with the flashback. I’m gonna cry for sure. It really would’ve been better with Flightless Bird American Mouth though.

- Damn I’m actually crying. #simpasshoesfandom 

- She showed him all her thoughts and love for him I’m crying. 

- “NOBODY’S EVER LOVED ANYBODY AS MUCH AS I’VE EVER LOVED YOUUUUUUU”

- FOREVERRRRR 

- MY HEART

- THE END CREDITSSSSSS

Ummm. So I really thought I would hate this movie. It is mostly problematic as fuck. But some parts of it were good. Like it had funny moments and sad moments and simp moments and it was not awful. Content wise I rate it like a 3/10. Overall rating I give it like an 8/10. If smeyer’s fucked up shit didn’t get in the way of the movie, it could’ve been a 10/10. 

HOW THE PAGES OF THE BOOK OPEN TO REVEAL THE MAIN CHARACTERS’ NAMES I’M CRYING

[whenispeakicrossmyfingers]

Just finished another book so here’s the next installment of BOOKS I READ IN 2018! 

The book pictured is At the Water’s Edge by Sara Gruen, but I also recently read Simon vs. the Homo Sapiens Agenda by Becky Albertalli (which I’m sure many of you already know), so this summary/recommendation will include both books! If you’re interested in my thoughts & ramblings (with minor spoilers), they’re under the cut.   

Simon vs. the Homo Sapiens Agenda by Becky Albertalli

The premise: 16 year-old Simon Spier begins an email correspondence with Blue, the only other closeted gay kid at the school. When the emails fall into the wrong hands, Simon gets blackmailed into helping a terribly obnoxious kid so as to protect both his identity and that of Blue. 

My thoughts: This book is so fucking good!!!!!!!! I was a nervous about reading it because I had seen things about it, and seen the praise, but I was afraid I was a little too old for the age group. YA Lit is usually aimed at teens/high schoolers and I, being neither thought “oh great i’m gonna hate this and feel bad about hating it.” But BOY WAS I WRONG AND I’M SO GLAD I WAS. 

I had been in a slump of reading for another month or so. After my last books, I was caught up in teaching and then I was traveling and though I brought a book with me, I didn’t read any of it. And when I got home from traveling I was just feeling very depressed and tired of winter and France and everything. Caroline can attest to it, but I was just in a huge funk and I didn’t know how to get out of it. I was sad I couldn’t see Love, Simon in theaters and I was seeing so much hype and joy about it and I was just salty. So, in a moment of self-care, I decided to say ‘fuck it’ to saving money and I splurged for a kindle download of it (10 euros, I’m a real big spender guys). 

But anyway, I read it and it honestly cured my depression. I know we say that as a joke a lot of the time, but it well and truly did pull me out of my funk. 

Everything about this book was absolutely delightful. Getting thrown in the middle of Simon and Blue’s correspondence means that you have the power to put together how they really began it and what happened before we see it in the book. The tone was funny and Simon’s humor was very much like my own. He was a theatre nerd like I was, he loved his friends and did very normal things with them. His family was good and loving, but he was still afraid to come out to them (even though it probably wouldn’t be a big deal) and I can just relate. Also his love of Oreos surpasses even my own, and that’s something to be said. 

It deals with being outed, but it does it in a way that is still lighthearted and doesn’t drag you down completely, because Simon has so many good people on his side. It’s got tension between friends and the weird dynamics of high schoolers thinking they know things when really they have no idea what’s actually going on. 

My only pseudo-complaint is that Simon and Bram start being boyfriends very quickly. BUT, that fact is so fantastically high-school that i can’t even be mad about it. Especially because they do know each other in different ways. 

This book gave me so many fuzzy feelings, and I’m going to buy a copy as soon as I get back to the states (i have no more room in my suitcase for books). It also gave me the strength to come out to one of my sisters which was, coincidentally, right after she had seen Love, Simon. So, it’s great. Overall, read it. Please. Then talk to me about it. Thanks. 

At the Water’s Edge by Sara Gruen

The premise: Set in WWII, a woman (Maddie Hyde) is dragged to Scotland by her husband in attempt to find the Loch Ness Monster, find fame, and get back in his father’s good graces after he has been cut off. Tension arises between them and Maddie begins to realize that the life she thought she loved, is not quite what it appeared to be.

My thoughts: This book, I have fewer good things to say about than I did about Simon vs. This book has been on my TBR pile for over a year, and I brought it with me to France thinking I would read it, and only just now got around to it after a bout of sickness and lack of wifi. 

It’s by the author of Water for Elephants which I had read in high school and absolutely loved. So I was excited for this, particularly because it takes place in Scotland, and that’s an area of the world that I don’t know much about, but am eager to learn more. When I started it, I couldn’t get more than a few chapters into it without putting it down. It didn’t grab me right away like I was needing. But, I pushed on, and the story did get a bit better. 

The characters, first of all, are insufferable. Life in Scotland was drastically different from their high American society and they were very annoying with that sort of wake up call. I hated them all at the beginning, except for the Scots. This was no doubt the point of such characterization, so I let it slide and kept reading, hoping for some slight redemption from them. 

The main character, Maddie, whose perspective the story is told through, finally tires of her high society life of sitting by the fire reading while her husband and his best friend go off in search of the monster, and as such she starts helping out around the inn where they’re staying. This made me like her a lot better as she got to know the other women working at the inn, Meg and Anna, and also exploring the area. 

In several spots throughout the book, it seemed like she was piecing together a puzzle, but I couldn’t exactly guess what it was because the clues were very subtle, and she wasn’t particularly adept at sharing her thoughts, despite the readers being inside her head. 

Her marriage starts disintegrating, and during that time she has a growing fascination with the Innkeeper, which began after he hugged her once while she was crying. Eventually it blossomed into love, but it felt very forced. It seemed to me like a cheap way for the author to get Maddie out of her marriage while still giving her a “happy ending.” Perhaps it’s because it was set in 1945, where it was uncommon for women to be on their own, but I don’t entirely buy that. The way she realizes her love for the innkeeper (Angus) is after she word vomits all of her problems onto Meg. But up to this point it didn’t seem like anything more than an attraction--they didn’t really talk much throughout the book, until they declare their love, which I just didn’t like. 

Her husband, Ellis, however provides a very good villain. He and his best friend Hank are the definition of entitled rich boys and I wanted to give them each a good beating. Hank, at some points, sort of redeems himself, before sliding back down to being and entitled brat. Ellis however, gets much worse. There’s some vague queer coding of Ellis and Hank, but nothing is confirmed or denied. Again, probably because of the time period, but it was unsatisfying. 

I really liked the Scottish female characters, and I wish they had gotten a little more time on the page. But Maddie was very wrapped up in herself and her own problems. There were also elements of Scottish myth, particularly around the monster, that I would have liked to have explored more, because it left something wanting. 

Overall, it was okay. It was a quick read once I finally committed to it, and I’m not mad that I read it. But it’s a book that you could take or leave, in all honesty. If you want to read for yourself, go for it. Or, if you have read it, and would like to discuss some pros and cons with me, I’d love that.

Anyway, that’s the end of that. 

All my love 

[imjustthemechanic]

The Stone Knight

Part 1/? - Two Statues Part 2/? - A Curious Interview Part 3/? - John Doe Part 4/? - Escape Attempt Part 5/? - Making the News Part 6/? - Fallout Part 7/? - More Impossible Part 8/? - The Shield Thieves Part 9/? - Reality Sinks In Part 10/? - Preparing a Quest Part 11/? - The Marvelous History of Sir Stephen Part 12/? - Uninvited Guests Part 13/? - So That’s What It Does Part 14/? - The What and the Where

Once again, our heroes sit down and try to figure out what happens next with their now larger and much more complicated party.

Of course, the same principle applied to their actions as to Totenkopf's – just because they knew what they needed to do didn't mean they knew how to do it.

“So now what?” asked Dr. Wilson. “What do we do, just go to the Orkneys and check all the henges one by one? How many are there?”

“Well, we know we don't need to check the Twelve Apostles because I can already see that's not the one,” said DI Carter. “But yeah, there've got to be dozens. Probably way more that have fallen down and nobody knows about them anymore.”

“Well, there's gotta be a better way than visiting them all,” Dr. Wilson said. “We'll be there until next year! How were you planning on finding it, way back when?” he asked Sir Stephen. “Did you have, I don't know, a mystical druid or somebody who was going to show you the way?”

“No,” Sir Stephen admitted. “As you say, we thought we would simply visit them all in turn until we found the one that matched the map. We think the Red Death had a way to rule them out, but we never knew for sure.”

“We do know a couple of things,” said DI Carter. “We know it's thirteen stones, and we know they're not in a circle...”

“Medieval maps aren't known for their accurate cartography,” Natasha said dubiously, “and we don't even know for sure it's a stone circle. That's just what Sir Steve thinks it is. Maybe it's a riddle instead of a map.”

DI Carter shook her head. “We've got to make some assumptions or it's like Dr. Wilson said – we'll be here for months,” she said. “In the force, if we have unknowns we start with the strictest set of criteria and rule those possibilities out first, and only then do we cast our net a little wider. So we'll start with thirteen stones in an oval.” She looked around at the pictures and bookshelves on the walls. “This is an archaeology department,” she observed. “Do you have, I don't know, some kind of list of henges in the Orkneys? Preferably with maps?”

“Yes!” squealed Sue. “We do!”

Her voice sounded so odd that everybody turned to look at her, and when they did they found her eyes wide and her hands held out, as if she were terrified and grabbing at the one straw of a thing she understood here. “Lau's Enquête sur l'Ecosse Néolithique! I found it mis-shelved in the Spanish section of the faculty library at the end of last term! I'll go get it right away!” she said, and literally ran out the door to find the room.

“Uh... is she gonna be okay?” asked Rushman.

“I hope so,” said Nat. Sue was an organizer – her job as department secretary was to keep things in order for a dozen scatterbrained professors. Her world needed to make meticulous sense and she'd just witnessed something that made no sense whatsover. Nat could only be grateful that she hadn't been present for Zola's transformation, or the poor woman would probably have lost her mind.

“We have it!” Sue shouted through the wall. “Here it is!”

She bustled back into the room with a very large hardcover book bound in blue canvas – if the cover had ever had a paper sleeve, it had fallen apart long ago. Sue put it down on her desk and opened it so she could fold out a map for them. “This should be just what your research requires,” she declared. “Come on, let's get you all comfortable in the meeting room, and I'll see if I can find you some cookies.” Her voice had a high-pitched, desperate edge to it that made Natasha think she was going to pass out at any moment.

Nat went and reached out a hand, but did not actually touch the woman. “Sue,” she said, “I know I'm not the department head, but... why don't you take the rest of the day off.” People had their weirdness threshholds and Sue had clearly reached hers.

Sue grabbed Nat's arm. The relief in her face was obvious, and it was merely a bit of politeness that she asked, “are you sure?”

“Very sure,” said Nat. “Go visit Brandon or something. I bet he misses you.”

“Oh, thank you, Natalie,” said Sue. “I do think I need a break. Yes, thank you very much.”

“You're welcome.” Nat patted her shoulder, and the others made way for her to bustle out of the room.

Natasha locked the office door so they wouldn't be disturbed, and everybody got themselves settled into the library. This was a tiny room behind Sue's office, crammed with bookshelves that just barely left room for a table and chairs. The shelves held everything from textbooks of old English to more archaeological surveys to a disintegrating Penguin Classics edition of the Prose Eddas, and there was a single small window, above the radiator, that looked out on the car park. Through this, Nat could see Sue getting into her car. Hopefully she would be okay. Natasha liked Sue.

There were four chairs in the library, but with Allen Rushman there were now five people in their party, so Natasha parked herself on the edge of the table as she opened the book for Sir Stephen. When she thought about it, the Enquête sur l'Ecosse Néolithique was a perfect piece of the modern world – a book about Scotland, written in French, by a man who'd been born in Taipei. When else in human history would you find something like that?

It was also exactly what they needed – one of the appendices included detailed survey maps of all the larger known stone circles in Scotland, all to scale and with north at the top, and documenting the suspected locations of missing stones. If any trace of their circle still existed, it ought to be in there. She turned to the section with the fold-out maps, and slid it across the table to Sir Stephen. “Look through this,” she told him. “If you find any that look like your ring, put one of these on it so it sticks out at the side.” She gave him a package of post-it notes. “They're sticky.”

“Thank you,” said Sir Stephen, and reverently unfolded the first map. He would be from an age when books were rare and precious, she observed. They wouldn't have to worry about him being rough with them. “I had not expected any part of my quest to take place in a library,” he added.

“I'd say libraries are where most questing goes on these days,” said Natasha.

In order not to distract him, the rest of them filed back out into Sue's office, where there were more chairs and more space not to feel like they were sardines in a book-liken can. Rushman went to pour himself another cup of coffee, the first one having been spilled when Natasha attacked him. Dr. Wilson wandered around looking at the posters and replica artefacts that decorated the room, and DI Carter checked her email.

“Hughes identified the blood from the warehouse floor,” she announced.

“Pierce's?” asked Nat. She wasn't sure if that would surprise her or not. She had a feeling Mr. Pierce, trying to convince her his statues were real, was not merely a victim in this after all... but she was also plenty familiar with people who turned on their allies the moment they were no longer useful.

“No. It's a guy named Mick O'Herlihy. We had his profile because he'd been arrested for breaking into people's cars six years ago. We did community service and we let him go.” Carter frowned. “Why is his name familiar?”

“The Loch Ness Monster guy was O'Herlihy,” said Nat. Could they be relatives? Or was this just a coincidence.

“Oh, right.” Carter nodded. “That's why. Anyway, she says she's gonna work on the shield right away, but it might be a problem getting DNA off of something made of beat-up wood and leather. She's as likely to get a profile for the tree or the cow as for whoever bled on it.”

“Fair enough,” said Natasha. Now they just had to wait for Sir Stephen to find a match, if one even existed. In the mean time... she looked over at Rushman. What the hell was she going to do about him?

He looked back at her, and ventured a timid smile. “So, uh, who are your friends?” he asked uncomfortably. He was trying to sound as if everything were normal. He knew it was not.

Natasha thought of telling him that they weren't really friends, but didn't feel it was worth it. “Well, that's Detective Inspector Sharon Carter from Inverness.”

“Hi,” said Carter.

“Nice to meet you, Inspector.” Rushman stood up straight to shake her hand.

“This is Dr. Sam Wilson, who worked at Raigmore Hospital,” Nat went on.

Rushman shook his hand, too. “That was a terrible thing to hear about,” he said, referring to the hospital falling down. “Any clue who did it yet? Has anyone claimed responsibility?”

“I don't know,” Dr. Wilson said. “I've been pretty busy.”

“We're working on it,” Carter promised.

“And the guy we left in the other room is Sir Stephen of Rogsey,” Natasha finished. “He's a Saxon knight from the eleventh century. Or at least, he thinks he is.” The unspoken corollary hung in the air: like you think you're my father.

“I see,” said Rushman. “And, uh... what are you all doing with the stone circle thing?”

“We're on a quest,” said Carter, in a perfect deadpan. “We seek the Holy Grail.”

Rushman seemed to decide that made about as much sense as any of the rest of it. “I'm not sure what kind of help I can be with that,” he said. “I've only seen the movie... I've been to Stonehenge, though,” he offered, and smiled at Natasha. “That was your Mom and I's second honeymoon, remember? You stayed with your aunt in the city, and she said she took you to the museum...” his voice trailed off as Natasha shook her head.

“I don't remember,” she said.

She felt a little bad for him honestly. In Rushman's own mind, he'd come all this way to see a daughter who'd thrown him on the floor and told him he didn't exist... or had he? Maybe that was just what Zola, or somebody else, wanted Natasha to think? She couldn't shake the feeling that this was deliberately playing on her emotions, giving her something she'd always wished she had in an attempt to weaken her. Maybe to soften her belief in objective truth, the kind she tried to uncover in mossy ruins and smashed pottery, and make her more open to some alternate version of reality. That was what Zola had said in the police station: truth is something we make up. This was certainly an ample demonstration.

“So your parents left you, huh?” Rushman asked.

“I'm sure they had their reasons,” Nat told him. She'd hated them for it once, but since then she'd come to realize that the world was more complicated. “That was during the end days of the USSR, shortly after Chernobyl. Maybe they had no money. Maybe they were dying of radiation sickness.” Either way, she liked to hope they hadn't actually known who they were leaving her with. If they'd believed their daughter had been raised and loved... well, that was just another beautiful lie, wasn't it?

“Well, on their behalf, I apologize,” said Rushman. “They don't know what they missed.”

“They didn't miss anything,” said Nat. “Whatever you remember about me isn't real. I never did any of that.”

“You were never in ballet recitals?” He smiled kindly. “Never built snowmen? You weren't your high school valedictorian?”

Nat shook her head. “None of that,” she said.

“Oh.” He fell silent, and Nat couldn't help feeling like she'd robbed him of something.

For a moment Rushman just stood swirling his coffee. Then he drained the cup and put it down on the table.

“I came here to see you,” he told Natasha. “If you don't want to see me, I guess I might as well just go home.”

Nat's gut reaction was that this was a terrible idea. If he were something Zola had created, somebody they couldn't trust, then she didn't want him out of her sight. Keep your friends close, the saying went, but your enemies closer. Besides, there was another complicating factor.

“Do you have a home?” Nat asked. His address in Manhasset was for an empty lot, and his phone number didn't exist. His credit cards and passport probably didn't either. What would happen if he tried to go home? What would happen when he got there?

“Of course I do,” he said. “I was just there last night!”

“You didn't even exist last night,” said Nat. She sighed. “We'll figure something out.”

There was something else, too – if Natasha wasn't sure she could trust Rushman, then how did she know she could trust Sir Stephen? He seemed to believe he was in the right, but was he? After all, his goal was the same as he claimed the bad guys' was, to find the Holy Grail.

Maybe that was the real reason Nat liked archaeology, she thought. It was full of puzzles and politics, but none of them had immediate consequences. If DI Carter had been investigating the case of a man accused of murdering his two young nephews in order to steal their inheriance, it would be a case with grieving relatives and demands for justice, not to mention the national scandal if they'd been members of the royal family. If Nat were doing it, then King Richard III and the Princes in the Tower were long dead, and historians and archaeologists could theorize however they wanted without worrying that they were ruining somebody's life. When you made it real, it just wasn't fun anymore.

[unify-my-universe]

More of Mikey goodness...

She was just about to go back to sleep for a bit when someone knocked on the door.

Surprisingly enough the knock didn’t wake Michael up so Penny had to answer the door. It was John.

“Oh Penny wasn’t expecting you to answer the door.”

“Yeah I’ve slept with Michael the past couple of days. You okay?”

“Oh yeah, fine, fine. I’ve been summoned by Terry, well Terry Jones to get you and Michael up. Apparently we’re filming The Witch Village Scene so that’ll please Mike.”

“Why would it?”

“Well the scene involves having our faces covered in dirt, I suppose it won’t be too bad.”

“Oh no, well people in the medieval times were quite dirty! Hygiene was limited after all!”

“Yes, yes that’s very true. Anyway I’d hurry up getting ready if I were you, you know what Jonesy’s like for punctuality!”

“I will do, see you in a bit John.”

To her surprise, Michael was still asleep so had the job of waking him up. She really didn’t want to disturb him!

“Michael? John’s just been at the door, we gotta get up now. Terry Jones’s orders!”

“Mm? Oh okay love I’ll let you go and get ready.”

Penny went to go and get ready in her room and accompanied Michael in the car to the film set.

“Ah there you are Mike, Penny. Mike I want you to put as much dirt on your face as possible and Penny if you can go to Hazel, she’ll sort you out with your costume for today.” Said Terry J.

Penny’s costume didn’t look particularly flattering but the thing she really wasn’t looking forward to was having her face covered in dirt! She put the bare minimum of dirt. When Michael came up to her, she laughed in his face.

“Michael I get people in the medieval times were dirty but don’t you think you’re going a little overboard?”

She noticed that John too had gone a bit crazy with the dirt whereas Eric on the other hand had like her put the bare minimum of dirt on his face.

Penny’s lines were simple in this scene. She had to shout lines like a witch, a witch! And burn her, burn her!

Today however Eric, John and Michael had got the serious case of the giggles to the point where Eric had to bite into his scythe to stop himself from laughing! Penny for once was being completely professional although it was hard not to join in with the giggling!

She hadn’t got a clue what they were even laughing at but it was nice to see them having fun for a change as opposed to bickering at each other.

Still they managed to film the scene in one take so filming was over pretty quickly. Penny couldn’t believe it was going to be her last day in Scotland. Back to her dreary flat for a few months…

She supposed the wait would be worth it since she was going to marry THE Michael Palin. She wondered what kind of house Michael lived in. Probably a lot nicer than her flat! That wasn’t exactly difficult.

“Honestly what is up with you guys? You’ve been giggling throughout this entire take!”

“Well gotta make light of the situation!” said Eric.

Michael was also aware that this was Penelope’s last night here. He wanted to make sure it was one to remember.

With thanks to a recommendation from Eric on a French restaurant complete with the perfect romantic ambiance, Michael treated Penny to a posh meal topped by a romantic walk by one of Scotland’s many lochs.

Like where Michael proposed to Penny only a couple of days ago, they had the loch to themselves.

“Can’t believe you’re going back home tomorrow…”

“I know. The time has gone so fast but I’ve enjoyed every minute of it.”

“I’m glad love. I will miss you Penelope. When I want to really strangle the guys I’ll be thinking of the next time I see you.”

“I’ll miss you too Michael. When I’m stuck at a boring desk having to deal with silly members of the public, I’ll be thinking of you always.”

“Oh, well since we’re here do you fancy a dip?”

“Uh with our clothes on?”

“No naked silly…”

“I don’t know Michael…”

“What you scared of? The Loch Ness monster?”

“No for goodness sake Michael, that’s only a legend and even if it was real it’s been sighted in the Scottish Highlands not round here…”

“You know sometimes Penelope you really put me to shame with your historical knowledge. What period of history did you study in your degree?”

“Modern history like yourself I believe?”

“Yes I did study modern history. Though who knows? In about 30/40 years time, people at university studying history could be learning about the Two World Wars.”

“Yes perhaps…”

“So you gonna join me for a quick swim?”

“Won’t it be cold?��

“Well yeah a bit but I’ll keep you warm.”

“What if someone comes?”

“Penelope no one will come, we’ve got this place to ourselves!”

Michael at this point had started to undress himself until he was completely naked. Penny marvelled at the sight. And it was all hers to enjoy…

Michael jumped in and flinched out how cold the water was.

“Bloody hell it’s as cold as the shower at the hotel! Come on Penelope, you know you want to…”

Michael’s tone of voice had immediately convinced her.

God damn it why did he have to be so persuasive?

Penny slowly took off her clothes, looking each direction to see if anyone was coming. It seemed Michael was right and they’d got the place to themselves.

“Wow my wife-to-be really is a sight to behold!”

Penny slowly jumped in and was caught smoothly by Michael.

“Oh my god, oh my god Michael! It’s so cold!”

Michael wrapped his arms around Penny’s waist pulling her close to him.

“I know love but you’ll soon get used to the temperature.”

“Do you usually do completely mad things?”

“No only when I’m with you. It seems you have that effect on me…”

“Well I’m flattered Michael but I guess I already knew you were completely and utterly mad!”

Michael encouraged Penny to swim with her and after a while she didn’t feel so cold. Begrudgingly she accepted Michael was right.

She quite enjoyed the swim, it had been ages since she had been swimming! Swimming was one of her hobbies when she was at university. The only good thing her parents ever did was invest in some swimming lessons for her!

“Well, well Penelope I have to say I am impressed by your swimming technique!”

“Not bad for someone who hasn’t swam since she left university! Probably the only good thing my parents ever did was to pay for me to have swimming lessons!”

Just as they were getting into the groove of swimming a few lengths in the loch a torch shone in both their faces.

“Everything alright, sir? Madam?”

It was a police officer. Penny gave Michael the dirtiest look ever.

I’m going to kill you Michael.

Penny let Michael do the talking.

“Um yes, yes everything’s fine officer.”

“Hey don’t I know your face from somewhere?”

“Umm you might do?”

“Yeah I know your face, you’re from that TV programme Monty Python! You’re Michael Palin aren’t you?”

“Yes yes I am. Are we trespassing officer?”

“Oh no, no not at all. I was just checking that your wee lass wasn’t injured at all!”

“No no I’m fine we’re just um, going for a quick dip?” said Penny.

“Aye so I see… Well I’ll leave you two lovebirds to it then.”

As soon as the police officer had gone, Penny punched Michael in the arm hard.

“Ahh that hurt!”

“Oh there won’t be anyone about, goes to show how much you know! I had visions of us being arrested for indecent exposure! That would have looked good front page of the newspapers, Python Michael Palin arrested for skinny dipping in Loch! Honestly Michael I could have killed you.”

“Oh calm down Penelope, you have to admit it was quite funny.”

“Oh well I’m glad you found it so amusing!”

Michael then started to laugh uncontrollably. Michael’s laugh really was infectious so Penny found herself laughing with him till she too couldn’t stop laughing.

“Honestly Michael you’re such an idiot.”

“Ah but you love me.”

“Yes I do, very much!”

She kissed him on the lips and wrapped her legs around his waist.

“You really shouldn’t do things like that Penelope…”

“Oh yeah? Why’s that?”

“Because it’ll be very hard for me to resist temptation!”

“Oh well we can’t have that Sir Galahad can we?”

Penny wrapped her legs even tighter around Michael’s waist, she started stroking Michael’s now wet hair.

“No I’m sworn to chastity!”

Michael and Penny had promised each other that no sex would happen until they got married which was very hard when one was prone to tease the other. Penny didn’t want any unexpected surprises before she got married!

“Well Sir Galahad we’d better get back to the hotel, early start and all!”

“I agree my fair maiden! Right well I uh better get the towels out of the car.”

“What like this?”

“It’ll be fine, it’s not like anyone will be about.”

“You said that last time and you saw what happened…”

To Penny’s surprise, Michael came back with the towels without anything out of the ordinary happening. Penny breathed a sigh of relief!

Penny and Michael dried themselves off with a towel and put their clothes back on. They headed back to the car and straight to bed.

Both woke up relatively early so Michael could help Penny pack and load up her car.

“I don’t really want to say goodbye.” Said Michael.

She put her hand on top of his and squeezed it tightly.

“I know.”

“Don’t miss me too much!”

“I’ll try not to.” Said Penny.

“Michael?”

“Yes?”

“Make sure you tell your mother the good news.”

“I will love.”

 Penny got into the car and wound the window down. She reached over to Michael, gave him a kiss and drove off.

The next few months were pretty boring for Penny. She worked a lot of hours at the library even though she got quite a good wage packet for her part in The Holy Grail. Probably down to Michael, she thought.

Michael also had a boring few months. The arguing amongst the Pythons had gotten worse, especially between the two Terry’s and John and Terry G. It had got so bad between John and Terry that John had told him to piss off. So for a while they stayed out of each other’s ways!

So Michael was quite glad when his scenes were over and he could go and visit Penelope. Before she went Penny had given him her phone number and address.

Therefore when Michael got back home he rang her up straight away.

“Hello?”

“Oh Penelope am I glad to hear your voice!”

“Michael hi! God I’ve missed you. You okay?”

“Yeah I’m fine, just glad to be home!”

“I bet! So when are you planning on coming over?”

“Tomorrow if that’s okay?”

“Sounds great, any idea what time?”

“Mid-morning?”

“Okay well I’ll make sure I’m up early! Can’t wait to hear about the rest of your filming!”

“Mm I bet, anyway love I’d better go as I’ve just got in and I want to unpack and have a proper shower!”

“I understand that completely love, see you tomorrow!”

Penny put the phone down and smiled. How she loved hearing Michael’s voice, she couldn’t wait to see him tomorrow.

She immediately started tidying up the apartment the best she could, dusting, hoovering and cleaning the kitchen and bathroom. She didn’t know why she was making such an effort for him… Like he was going to notice!

She supposed it was because she wanted to prove to him she was capable of making a nice home for him. Though Michael didn’t give the impression he wanted her to be a housewife!

Michael couldn’t wait to spend a few days with Penny, he deserved a break after putting up with the Pythons for the past two months! The wedding was already booked, the honeymoon too now all they had to sort out was what they were wearing!

However Michael wanted to make the next few days absolutely perfect for Penny. He knew she had been working really hard as of late and wanted to treat her. The big problem was, he wasn’t too familiar with Birmingham so how could he spoil her if he didn’t know where to take her?

He reckoned Eric might know of good places to take her as he was pretty knowledgeable on the best places to take girls! There was a reason why Eric had a reputation for being a lady’s man!

So he decided to ring Eric up.

“Hello?”

“Hi Eric it’s me.”

“Oh hi Mike, got back alright then?”

“Oh yeah fine, listen Eric I need your advice.”

“Go ahead Mike I’m all ears!”

“Well I’m going to see Penelope up in Birmingham for a few days and I want to treat her and—"

“You don’t know where to take her?”

“Yeah.”

“Well I know there are probably some nice restaurants in The Bullring you know the shopping centre?”

“What about local attractions?”

“Well you could take her to see a show? There’s the Birmingham Hippodrome and since you’re both into history take her to Kenilworth Castle, that’s not far from Birmingham.”

“Thanks Eric, I just want to make the next few days really perfect for her.”

“I understand Mike, well I’ll see you soon!”

Perfect. Michael had got the next few days all planned. Tomorrow night he’d take her to a fancy restaurant, maybe a bit of shopping, the next day take her to Kenilworth Castle then a show of her choice at The Hippodrome and finally to Shakespeare’s Birthplace in Stratford-upon-Avon.

The last day would be spent sorting out their wedding outfits. Maybe they were leaving it a bit last minute but they had been so busy with work, they just hadn’t had the time to find a dress and suit.

Penny still hadn’t sorted out her bridesmaids. It was a difficult job as she hadn’t got any friends. Well except Carol and maybe Connie.

She decided to ring up Carol first.

“Hello?”

“Hello is that Carol? It’s Penny.”

“Oh hi Penny, I heard the good news. Congratulations! You’re certainly a lucky girl bagging Michael!”

“Thank you. I’m very lucky! Anyway I wanted to talk to you about the wedding.”

“Oh yes?”

“Well I’m estranged from my parents and I haven’t really got any friends so I wondered whether you wanted to be my bridesmaid and help me find a dress?”

“Why Penny of course I will! What day were you thinking of buying a dress?”

“Friday morning? I imagine Michael will be sorting out his suit on the same day as well. I think he’s asked Eric to help him.”

“Yes that sounds fine.”

“Great well I’ll see you Friday then! Oh don’t suppose you could meet me in Birmingham? I can just meet you at the train station and we’ll go to The Bullring?””

“Yes yes of course, Birmingham New Street right?”

“Yes that’s the one.”

“Yep so meet you at the station at about quarter past 10?”

“Yes that sounds great!”

Penny put the phone down and called Connie. She really hoped John wouldn’t answer the phone… She hadn’t told Connie about John having some form of feelings for her as it wasn’t like he’d tried it on with her.

“Hello?” answered a soft American voice.

“Hi is that Connie? It’s Penny, Michael’s fiancée?”

“Oh yes hi Penny. What can I do for you?”

“Well I was wondering whether you’d be one of my bridesmaids? I’ve already asked Carol you see and well you’re the only friends I’ve got other than the Pythons.”

“Why yes I’d love to Penny!”

“Great!”

Penny definitely felt more organised now. She ran herself a hot bath before heading to bed. She fell asleep with the thoughts of seeing Michael again and becoming his wife.

Michael couldn’t sleep as he was too excited about seeing Penny tomorrow. He remembered that he hadn’t sorted out who was going to be his Best Man so he rang up Terry J.

“Alright Terry?”

“Mike why on earth are you ringing at this time for? It’s nearly midnight!”

“Sorry Terry, having trouble sleeping I’m seeing Penelope tomorrow you see so I’m really excited! Anyway the reason why I was ringing is I wanted to ask you whether you could be my Best Man?”

“You rang me up at this time to ask me to be your Best Man?”

“Yes I know it’s late but I just wanted to feel organised. Penelope will go mad if I haven’t sorted out one of the most important parts of the wedding!”

“Mm but Mike you don’t even need to ask course I’ll be your Best Man, now go to sleep!”

“Night Terry.”

Michael and Penny were up very early, with Michael making the drive to Birmingham from London and Penny doing some last minute cleaning of the flat.

To make the long journey more bearable, Michael blasted some tunes with the windows down. Before he knew it he’d reached Birmingham. He spotted Penny’s car a mile off and parked next to it.

He walked to the building and pressed the buzzer.

The buzzer went and Penny immediately knew it was Michael. She gave him a few minutes to come up the stairs and he gently knocked on her flat door. She let him in.

He was stood at the door in a white shirt and flared trousers. His hair looked like it needed a bit of a cut as his fringe was longer than ever. She went up to him, wrapped his arms around his neck and kissed him deeply.

“Bloody hell give me chance to get through the door!”

She started to mess with his hair.

“Your hair needs a cut. Hope it’ll be cut in time for the wedding!”

“Don’t worry love it will be.”

Michael inspected the flat. It looked immaculate but then again he didn’t expect anything less from Penelope. Everything was all open plan which made the flat feel bright and airy.

“Wow Penelope it looks very tidy in here!”

“Haha you sound surprised! Actually it’s extra tidy today because I wanted to make an effort for you.”

“So just a one bedroom is it?”

“Yeah I have no need for another bedroom well except for like a storage room or something. But I don’t have that much stuff so moving out should be easy.”

“Mm so can I have a grand tour?”

“Of course dear.”

Though there wasn’t much to see Penny gave as much of an extensive tour of the flat as she possibly could. Then she got to her bedroom. Oh shit, she forgot about the many Michael posters on her wall…

“Well, well this is a turn up for the books. It seems I’m marrying a woman who is completely and utterly obsessed with me.”

“I was going to take the posters down before you came but it just completely slipped my mind. I was worried you’d think I’d got a screw loose somewhere.”

“Now why would I think that?”

He put his hands around her waist.

“I don’t know because I’m worried about losing you?”

“Penelope I love you for god’s sake. Actually I’m rather flattered if not slightly embarrassed that my future wife has pictures of me in her bedroom. Well least I know you’re definitely in love with me!”

“Of course I am Michael. Now what did you want to do today?”

“Well first my love I want to unpack then you could give me a tour of your hometown?”

“Alright then, sounds good!”

So Penny helped Michael to unpack and they set off into the city centre. Penny quite enjoyed giving Michael a guided tour as every time she went past a building of significance Penny told Michael about the history of the place. Local history was Penny’s speciality!

After the sightseeing, they went into The Bullring only for some window shopping because Michael wanted to spoil her later after the meal then they headed back to the flat to chill for a few hours.

Penny put the television on and they both sat on the sofa. Michael put his arms around her and started to gently stroke her shoulder.

“You know if someone was to say to me a month ago that I would be marrying my favourite Python I’d think they’d gone mad!”

“Well I suppose it has been a bit of a whirlwind romance hasn’t it?”

“Yes it has but I don’t regret any of it!”

They sat watching the telly for a while until Michael said that he was taking her somewhere nice for dinner.

Penny therefore made a great deal of effort in her makeup and outfit choice. Michael did the same, he was fully suited and booted!

She’d never seen Michael in a suit in person before. Of course she’d seen him wear one in many of the Python sketches but seeing him wear one in person was much nicer!

“Mm aren’t you the most handsome man in the world?”

“Mm aren’t you the most beautiful woman in the world?”

Penny tousled up his hair.

“Oh Michael you’re so sweet!”

Luckily Penny’s flat was within close proximity from the city centre so they just walked there. Penny had never been to the restaurant Michael was taking her probably because she couldn’t afford it. She wondered how Michael even had knowledge of restaurants in Birmingham then she guessed that Eric might have had something to do with it.

Michael insisted on paying for the meal, saying that she deserved to be treated.

“Honestly Michael this is the nicest meal I’ve ever tasted but you should have let me pay my half!”

“Penelope I’ve told you, this is my treat!”

“Hm well okay Michael.”

Then they went shopping, Michael took Penny into a jewellery shop and told her to pick any piece of jewellery she wanted. After much reluctance from Penny that she wasn’t worth spending this much money on, she decided on a necklace. A gold necklace with a love heart on it. It was quite expensive!

After some more shopping, they headed back to the flat. It gave Penny chance to try on her new necklace.

Michael did the honours of putting the necklace on Penny, he started to kiss her neck delicately. She had to admit she was pretty turned on!

“Oh Michael don’t do that…”

He carried on kissing her neck, slowly and softly. Honestly he was such a tease!

“Why not? I know you love it.”

“Yes I do but how am I meant to save myself until marriage if you tease me like that?”

“Alright love I’ll stop. That necklace suits you, didn’t think you could look any more beautiful but as usual you surprise me.”

“It’s beautiful Michael but so much money. You shouldn’t be wasting your wages on me.”

“If I can’t spend money on my fiancée then what can I spend money on?”

“You’ll have to let me make it up to you.”

“Well that’s up to you love but you don’t need to buy me expensive gifts to prove you love me.”

She stroked his face.

God he really was perfect.

“Hm okay then, well we’d better get off to bed!”

“Yes I am feeling pretty tired and Penelope darling?”

“Yes?”

“Can you perhaps get rid of that picture of me right by my side of the bed? I don’t want to wake up in the middle of the night to my face staring back at me.”

“Haha okay love.”

Penny put what she considered a very cute photo of Michael back in her drawer.

Well I suppose I don’t need all the photos of Michael if I’m going to be marrying the guy!

Both headed to bed straight away, it had been a long day!

They woke up mid-morning and had a shower. Luckily Penny’s flat had an ensuite in her room and a separate bathroom! Michael had been quite secretive of what their plans were for the next few days. This morning all he had said was that they were going to be experiencing some local culture!

She realised where she was straight away. Kenilworth Castle. Although Penny was interested in local history she’d never been to the castle before and had always wanted to go.

The place was stemmed with so much history and Michael took a lot of photographs of the castle and of Penny outside the castle. She really enjoyed herself and being with Michael had made the day pretty perfect.

It had been really nice weather which was to be expected in June. However they were in Britain, where the weather was very unpredictable!

Michael and Penny had even got a slight tan from being out all day. They got back to the flat and Penny decided to cook them both a meal. It was her way of making it up to Michael for spending so much money on her.

Although Michael spoilt her out of love, she was so used to being spoilt as a way of shutting her up. So it was safe to say she wasn’t a fan of people treating her.

They were lying in bed when Penny decided to ask Michael about how the last bit of filming for The Holy Grail went. She was surprised he hadn’t mentioned it earlier! Which made her think that the experience hadn’t been very enjoyable.

“You haven’t told me about how filming went yet, thought you’d be dying to tell me!”

“Ah well the experience hasn’t exactly been the most pleasant. I mean Terry G tried to get me to eat mud for one scene!”

Penny raised her eyebrow slightly.

“Mud?”

“Yeah I was meant to be a mud eater and they were like oh you don’t have to eat real mud we’ll put some chocolate there for you to eat. I went how am I meant to know which is the mud and which is the chocolate? And Terry was like oh you’ll know and I thought what is the point? We had to do so many takes for the bloody thing and I just lost it. Jumped into the mud, started throwing my fists about shouting what is the fucking point. Course Gray and John found it hilarious and started clapping. Don’t think they’d seen me so angry before!”

Even Penny found it funny as she was laughing very much. She wished she’d been there to see it!

“Oh dear, poor baby! So I’m guessing the tensions between you lot hadn’t improved?”

“No, John got even more difficult to work with. Him and Terry G fell out completely at one stage! It’ll be weird doing Flying Circus without John.”

“Well you don’t have to do another series do you? I mean your last series was very good!”

“No but I suppose once it’s out the way I can spend more time with you. We’ve only got enough material for six episodes anyway so it’ll be over before you know it!”

“I think it’s because you’ve been in each other’s pockets for so long you’re sick of each other’s company. It’ll probably do you good to have some space from each other.”

“Yeah I think you’re right love. So do you fancy going to the theatre tomorrow?”

“Ooh yes I’d love to! Haven’t been to the Hippodrome in years! But what do you want to see?”

“Whatever you want to see.”

“Hm well I really want to see Phantom of the Opera.”

“My you are a depressing soul!”

“Oh shut up, the book is really good, so full of emotion and well I like my musicals.”

“Alright well Phantom of the Opera it is!”

In the morning Michael cooked themselves a nice breakfast. To Penny this meant he was very self-sufficient! Was there no end to his talents?

“Right well I’ve booked the tickets for the theatre. 2:30 matinee, thought it would be better for you than in the evening.” Said Michael.

“Oh Michael you’re a star!”

“Yes I suppose I am being a Python!”

“Anyway have you sorted out Terry being your best man?”

“Yes I sorted it out a couple of days ago my love. What about you? You sorted out your bridesmaids?”

“Yep Carol and Connie are going to be my bridesmaid. I’m meeting Carol on Friday to sort out a dress.”

“Connie eh? You might be able to find out what’s going on with her and John when you meet up with her to sort out her bridesmaid’s dress.” Michael said with a wink.

“Michael! I will do no such thing! That’s John and Connie’s business, nothing to do with us. Honestly you’re like one of the Pepperpots wanting to know all the gossip!”

Michael had reminded Penny to contact Connie in the next few days about sorting out a bridesmaid’s dress. Come to think of it, she wasn’t sure what kind of wedding dress she wanted let alone what the bridesmaids should wear!

“Ooh don’t I know it love?” said Michael in his best camp voice.

Even when Penny was slightly annoyed with Michael, his impressions always made her laugh. She always thought Michael was the best out of the Pythons to play a wide range of characters. Or maybe she was just completely biased about her future husband’s talents?

They decided to get some food before they headed to the theatre, luckily there were quite a few restaurants within the vicinity of the theatre. Michael again wanted to pay for the meal but Penny insisted on paying for herself. Michael knew not to try and change her mind!

“Penelope you really don’t have to pay for yourself. I told you, I want to spoil you.”

“I want to. Thing is Michael I have a problem with being spoilt. My parents did it all the time to shut me up. I know you do it because you love me but I just worry if you do it too much you’re doing it because you feel guilty about something.”

She started to look down at her feet. It didn’t matter how often Michael told her he loved her, she was still terrified about losing him. He was famous and what was she? Just a wanna-be actress. He deserved so much better. She worried that he’d meet someone prettier and more talented than her and just leave her. Then she’d be all alone. She couldn’t bear that again.

Michael grasped her chin so she had to look into his eyes.

“Penelope, I know you worry about being alone again but believe me I’m here to stay. You won’t ever, ever be alone again. Anyway why would I want to look elsewhere when I’ve got the most beautiful woman in the world?”

He kissed her deeply. She knew he was right but there were still things that Penny hadn’t told Michael about herself yet. The time would be approaching where she had to tell Michael everything.

“Why have you always got to be right?”

“Because I’m Mr Michael ‘Sexy Pants’ Palin!” Michael said with a wink.

Penny looked at him in horror.

“How did you—"

“Darling you talk in your sleep. I mean I’m presuming you mean me when you say Mr Sexy Pants…”

She turned bright red. She wished the ground would come and swallow her up.

Shit he wasn’t meant to know about that nickname!

“Oh bloody hell now I feel a right idiot.”

“Aw actually I found it rather cute. Well makes a change from being called The Nice Python!”

Michael got them front row seats which meant they had the perfect view. The musical was spectacular though it wasn’t Michael’s cup of tea. He preferred more cheerful musicals and plays. Penny was in tears. She loved every minute of it.

Every time Penny reached for her handkerchief and blew her nose, Michael rolled his eyes.

“Did you actually enjoy that? You were blowing into your handkerchief every time I looked at you!”

“Yeah course I was! I told you it’s a very emotional story.”

“If you say so love.”

“So who’s cooking dinner tonight?” said Penny.

“Well I can if you like?”

“Yeah okay sure. I don’t think I’ve got much food in though.”

“Ah don’t worry about that, leave that to me!”

They quickly head back to the flat. Penny gave Michael her flat key as he was going to the supermarket to buy some food. She didn’t have a clue what he was planning on cooking her, all he said was to trust him on this.

In the meantime Penny decided to ring up Connie to sort out a bridesmaid dress for her.

To her surprise John answered the phone this time.

“Hello?”

“Oh John hi, is Connie there?”

“Yes yes she is. Good to hear from you Penny, how are you?”

“Yeah I’m great thanks. Michael has just gone to the supermarket to buy some food for our dinner tonight.”

John seemed to ignore what she’d said about Michael.

“Good well I’ll go and get her for you. Connie? Penny’s on the phone.”

“Penny hi, hope John wasn’t being too much of a pain.”

“Oh no not all. I wanted to know when you were free in the next few days as I wanted to sort out the bridesmaid dress. As Carol is helping me find a wedding dress, I’ll sort out her dress on the same day.”

“How about Sunday?”

“Yeah sounds great. Are you okay with meeting in Birmingham, say the train station?”

“Yes that’s fine, about 12ish? We could grab some lunch as well?”

“Yeah okay, see you then!”

She hung up before John could try and talk to her again. Penny set the dining room table up to give her something to do.

After another half an hour had gone by, Michael finally returned.

“Bloody hell Michael you were gone for a while. What did you do raid the whole supermarket?”

“Had to get the right ingredients love.”

“I see. Oh I’ve just been on the phone to Connie and I’m meeting her on Sunday to sort out a bridesmaid dress for her.”

“Ooh you are being organised!” Michael said, teasing her slightly.

“Yeah so organised I haven’t a clue what type of wedding dress I want!”

She had to admit it was stressing her out a bit. The wedding was next week!

“Don’t stress Penelope, I’m sure you’ll know when you’ve found the right dress.”

Michael stroked her hair and put his arms around her. It always felt good for her to be Michael’s arms. She felt safe and, well, not alone.

Michael’s preparation on their dinner took a lot longer than expected which meant Penny was absolutely starving. It seemed making food from scratch wasn’t Michael’s forte!

Luckily Penny came to the rescue and dinner was finally served, at 9 o’clock.

“I’m sorry that dinner took so long love, I just wanted to make a really nice dinner for you.”

“I know darling but seriously Michael, you don’t have to put so much effort into impressing me. You impress me enough by being yourself.”

“I suppose I’m making up for the last two months of not seeing you!”

“I know and it’s really sweet of you to make so much effort but you’re not Delia Smith dear. Maybe stick to less complicated dishes?”

“Hmm may be a good idea! So who answered the phone when you rang Connie?”

“John surprisingly.”

“Ah he must be back from Scotland then.”

“Yeah I was telling him you were out buying food for dinner and he just didn’t respond at all when I mentioned you.”

“Hm sounds like things between him and Connie aren’t improving. His mood did seem to get worse when you went.”

“Have you spoken to him about his feelings for me?”

“God no, things were tense enough as it is without something else kicking off!”

After Penny washed up the dinner plates and Michael dried them, they were ready for bed.

It was getting closer to when Penny had to tell Michael everything. It was only fair she was completely honest with him. I mean she was going to be his wife in a matter of days!

Penny woke up the next morning earlier than Michael and opened up her wardrobe. The top of her wardrobe was where she kept important documents. There were some documents that were very important indeed. She reached up and got them. She checked to see if they were all there. To her relief they were. She put them back where they originally were.

Michael stirred from his sleep. By this point Penny had closed the wardrobe door and was sat on Michael’s side of the bed watching him sleep.

“Penelope? What you doing?” he said sleepily.

He rubbed his eyes. Penny smiled. His voice sounded even cuter when he was sleepy.

“Sorry darling did I wake you? I had to go to the toilet then I thought I’d watch my cute husband to be sleep.”

She stroked his hair, moving a piece of hair from his eyes.

Man he really needs have a haircut!

“I see, in any other situation I’d call that creepy but since you’re my fiancée I’ll let you off.”

Penny made her and Michael a cup of tea, had a quick breakfast and were ready to set off on another adventure.

Penny wanted to drive for a change as she felt bad that Michael had been doing all the driving lately. After much persistence on Penny’s part, they went in Penny’s car and drove to Stratford.

It was certainly an experience for Michael as he’d never seen how Penny drove before. Michael thought she was a good driver but had got the feeling that she hadn’t had the car very long. Her clutch control was a bit woolly at times!

“Penelope you didn’t have to drive you know, I wouldn’t have minded driving again.”

“I know but I felt bad that you were doing all the driving. Also it’s one way of getting used to your future wife’s driving!”

Michael did a very successful job of directing Penny to Stratford as she had never been before. She did love Shakespeare though.

Penny spoke about her favourite Shakespeare plays and her memories of studying Shakespeare when she was studying for her O and A Levels.

“God isn’t this place really beautiful?” said Penny.

“Yes, shame you can’t visit the place where Shakespeare wrote his plays.”

“Yes that is a shame, well maybe one day we’ll be able to.”

Michael loved to take pictures of places he’d visited. Though his favourite subject was always Penelope. She was so photogenic and had the most beautiful smile.

“Michael! Are you going to take some photos of the landscape and buildings or you just going to be taking photos of me?”

“I’m not just taking photos of you, you vain creature! Though what can I say darling you were born to be on camera!” Michael said in a camp voice.

He was such an idiot sometimes but Penny loved him even more when he was being very silly. Maybe he was just born to be a very silly person?

After they’d finishing going round the house, they explored the town of Stratford. It was a pretty village. It was somewhere Michael envisaged him and Penelope living in the future. It was quiet and picturesque place to bring up children.

“You know I wouldn’t mind living somewhere like this in the future.” Said Penny.

“Mm I was thinking the same. It’s so quiet isn’t it? And plenty of pubs!”

Penny laughed. She knew Michael liked a drink or two and drank pretty much anything. However Penny had no cause for concern because Michael knew his limits.

They headed back home as Penny wanted Michael to sample the pubs around Birmingham. Before they knew it, they had got pretty drunk though Michael was worse than Penny! Well someone had to be the more sober one!

“Nice place int’it luv?” said Michael.

It seemed Michael let out his inner Yorkshireman when drunk.

“Yeah it’s great. But maybe it’s time to go home.”

“Aww but I’m enjoying myself so much darlingggggg”

Penny rolled her eyes, god he was embarrassing drunk. But hilarious at the same time.

“I know but you can enjoy yourself at home too. Come on we can grab something to eat on the way back.”

“Aw you’re no fun anymore!”

God now he’s making Python references, definitely time to go home!

They stopped off at the local chippy and as soon as Michael got some food down him, he felt sober.

“I embarrassed you didn’t I, in the pub?”

“Hm maybe a little.”

“I’m sorry Penelope, sometimes I go a bit overboard with the drinking sometimes!”

“Michael it’s fine, you are allowed to let your hair down every now and then. I’m not going to stop you from having fun.”

They settled down on the sofa for the night and finally discussed some of the honeymoon plans Michael had arranged. Michael after all had been quite secretive about where they were going. All he’d told Penny was that they were staying somewhere in this country for the first week and the next week they were going somewhere exotic.

“So am I going to find out any more about this honeymoon? You’ve been very secretive about it!”

“Well I was thinking we could go to this little Caravan Park in Devon then the week after somewhere nice and hot.”

“Yes but where?”

Michael tapped his nose.

“Ah you’ll have to wait and see.”

As much as Penny liked surprises, she didn’t like being kept in the dark about her honeymoon! But she trusted that Michael had picked somewhere they would both love.

They had an early night as tomorrow was a very important day.

“Have you rang Eric about meeting tomorrow to get your suit?”

“Shit, knew I’d forgotten something.”

Penny sighed and handed Michael the receiver for the phone in their bedroom.

“Well do it now. Honestly Michael you’re so forgetful sometimes…”

She left Michael to speak with Eric, as she knew how annoying Michael found people telling him what to say whilst on the phone.

She hadn’t fully witnessed the Palin wrath yet but there had been times when Michael had lost his temper a bit.

It was usually the little things that annoyed Michael, well he was a sensitive person.

Penny still had no idea what kind of wedding dress she wanted. Well Carol’s presence would be useful as Penny wasn’t the best on knowing what style best suited her figure. Maybe Michael was right that she’d know when she’d found the perfect dress.

Michael came out of the room to indicate that he’d sorted out meeting with Eric tomorrow.

“Done it?”

“Yep. You didn’t have to go out the room you know.”

“Well I know you get annoyed when I try and tell you what to say whilst you’re on the phone. One of your pet hates!”

“Oh yes that’s true. You do have a habit of doing that!”

Both fell asleep straight away but Michael and Penny were both very nervous about tomorrow.

Penny was up earlier than Michael and went to meet Carol at the train station.

They went round a number of bridal shops but still Penny couldn’t find the perfect dress. On the plus side she had managed to help find Carol a bridesmaid dress. A yellow coloured shift dress with small white flowers around the neck. Well Carol had got the legs for it…

Penny wasn’t quite sure if that type of dress would suit Connie but she hoped it would. After all the bridesmaids had to wear the same style dress!

Michael on the other hand was having much better luck than Penny, the only difficult decision he had to make was what colour tie to wear!

“What do you think Eric pink or blue?” said Michael, holding a tie in each hand.

“Pink’s a bit bright for a wedding Mike!”

“I thought the colour suited me.”

“You want something a little subtle otherwise you’ll outshine the bride and, well, you can’t have that!”

“Mm you’re right Eric, well blue it is then! Fancy a pint after I’ve paid for this?”

“Thought you’d never ask Mike!”

After a good half an hour browsing through the shop, Penny thought she’d found it. The perfect dress. It was made out of chiffon with crochet lace around the chest, neck and bottom of the dress. It looked quite vintage which was perfect for Penny as she’d always loved clothes from the past.

Carol urged Penny to try it on and it really suited her. She bought a petticoat to emphasise the fullness of the skirt. She complimented the look with a longish veil.

“Oh Penny you’re going to look absolutely stunning in that dress, it’s just so you!”

“Thanks Carol. I wonder if Michael has managed to get a suit yet?”

“Oh I suspect that him and Eric are in the pub now!”

Penny could probably guess which pub he’d taken Eric as him and Penny did have a sort of regular pub they’d go to after they’d been out somewhere.

Carol accompanied Penny to the pub that she suspected Michael and Eric were in and her suspicions were proved correct.

“Penny! Carol! Good to see you both. How did you know we were in here?” said Eric.

“Well let’s just say my fiancé is very predictable in terms of what watering holes he samples.” Penny said with a wink.

Penny sat next to Michael, her arm around his neck.

“So how did you get on love? Managed to get a dress in the end?”

“Yes eventually. Got a lovely bridesmaid dress didn’t we Carol?”

“Oh yes, though not as lovely as the bride’s dress!”

“When do you collect it?”

“Sunday. What about your suit?”

“Tomorrow.”

Penny started stroking his hair. She was hoping Michael was going to go to the hairdressers sometime soon!

“I do hope you’re going to have your hair cut sometime in the next few days!”

“Don’t worry my love, I’m going to sort that out tomorrow.”

“Well make sure you do!”

Eric and Carol looked at each other and smiled. They really were a cute couple both of them thought.

“Bloody hell she’s nagging me already!”

“Ha well me and Carol will take that as our cue to leave! Don’t want to be caught up in the middle of a domestic! See you Penny see you at the wedding!”

Penny gave Eric and Carol a hug and a kiss on each cheek before they headed to the train station.

They walked back to the flat hand in hand. It had been a pretty productive day for both of them.

“Oh Michael forgot to say that work rang me whilst you were asleep. They want me to do a shift tomorrow and on Sunday afternoon. I said I’d do it because well it’s good of them to give me so much time off work for the wedding and honeymoon.”

“Yeah that’s fine love, gives me time to sort out a few things for the wedding. Like a haircut for instance?”

She kissed Michael on the cheek.

“Thank you dear.”

It was getting even more difficult for Michael and Penny to save themselves till Monday, Penny wanted Michael and Michael wanted Penny.

Though Michael might not want her after she told him everything.

Penny had to be up early for work so left Michael in bed as he looked too peaceful for her to wake him up. She was doing a full shift today but as the library was closed on Sundays she only had to be in on the afternoon tomorrow to help sort out the new books that had come in.

So Michael was left to his own devices all day Saturday. He decided to get his hair cut. As he knew if he didn’t, he’d have Penelope on his back! He also went to collect his suit and hung the bag the suit was in, in his side of the wardrobe.

He’d told the barber that he only wanted a trim as ‘his girl liked it long’.

Penny meanwhile was busy dealing with ‘wonderful’ members of the public. Well when she meant wonderful she was being sarcastic. She had one person who just couldn’t accept that there wasn’t a book that they wanted in the library. She made Penny check multiple times to find this book, believing it was an error on the library’s part, that it had been put in the wrong section. Even when Penny said to her politely that they didn’t have that book and that she’d have to try another library, she wasn’t having any of it.

Penny felt like strangling her.

God kill me now! I bet Michael is having a much better time than me! Wonder if he’s missing me as much as I’m missing him?

Michael however was pretty bored. There was only so much watching telly he could do! He thought about doing something useful but what?

He tidied up the flat a bit though to be fair it was pretty clean anyway. He knew that Penny finished at half 5 so wanted to make sure dinner was ready for her by the time she got back. After last time’s experience he knew not to make anything from scratch!

After that pesky customer eventually went away, the rest of the day was pretty good. She liked helping people find a good book, especially books that were historical. She also enjoyed recommending similar books to what they had borrowed. She’d certainly read a few books in her time!

She knew that Michael was an avid reader too, he really was her soul mate.

Michael quickly went to the local florist and bought a bouquet of roses. He found a clear vase and put one of the roses in it. He placed the vase in the middle of the dining room table. Was Penny even a flower person? He just wanted to show his love for her without overdoing it. He knew how much she hated being spoilt!

Finally her shift ended and she could get home! She’d missed Michael so much and was looking forward to seeing him again. The poor guy must have been so bored all day!

She turned the key into the front door and opened it. The smell of food hit her and she looked over to the dining room table where there were two plates of food not long come out of the oven. In the middle of the table was a bouquet of flowers with a small piece of paper attached.

She dropped her handbag on the sofa and picked up the paper.

Thought you’d might like these flowers and your tea on the table when you got back from work. Just popped to the shop to get something.

All my love,

Michael X

Man he really is the most adorable man in the world.

She sat at the table and waited for Michael to return. He came back a few minutes later with a bottle in his hand.

“You read my note then?”

“Mm I did, what’s the special occasion?”

“Well there is our upcoming wedding and I thought you’d had a hard day so thought I’d treat you. I took on board the fact that you don’t like to be overly spoilt so I thought I’d be more subtle.”

“The flowers are beautiful, thank you Michael and the food looks good too!”

“Well only the best for you love. So shall I crack open the bottle?”

“Yes please! I think I need a glass or two after the day I’ve had!”

“Oh dear has it been a bit of a day for you?”

“Just difficult customers from time to time! Other than that, it hasn’t been too bad of a day.”

“Well you’re home now and you can relax.”

“Very true my darling!”

Penny and Michael had a few glasses of white wine between them which of course made them very sleepy. Michael was holding Penny in his arms when she fell asleep.

Michael woke up suddenly and saw Penny in a deep sleep, her hair messy and mascara under her eyes. She looked absolutely shattered. Michael moved a strand of hair from her eyes and kissed her forehead.

“My angel.” Michael said to himself.

Eventually Michael carried Penny to bed and then went to sleep himself. Tomorrow would be his last day as a bachelor.

Penny although excited that she would be finally getting rid of her awful parents’ surname, was worried after what she was going to tell Michael tomorrow. He may not even want to marry or even be with her any more.

Penny went to meet Connie and surprisingly enough Connie was happy to wear that style of dress, much to Penny’s relief! Penny also went to collect her wedding dress. Much to Michael’s disgust, Penny kept it very secret the style of dress that she’d chosen!

Although Penny didn’t know Connie as well as she knew Carol, Connie was being surprisingly open about her marital problems.

She knew Michael was dying to know the gossip, so quickly told Michael before she headed into work for a few hours.

She couldn’t completely concentrate at work, she was trying to work out how to explain it to Michael. Well he was a pretty intelligent man so he’d probably understand.

Penny soon finished work and felt completely ready to tell him.

She came in the door and Michael gave her a big hug.

“Really missed you today love, I’ve been bored stiff! Oh Terry rang earlier about a sort of stag do the guys have organised tonight at his house or something so it means I have to travel back to London. But don’t worry I’ll be back early hours of the morning. I’m a bit worried as I’ve got no idea what they’ve planned!”

“Well knowing the Pythons something very wacky indeed! Anyway Michael I need to tell you something, will you sit down?”

They both sat down on the sofa. She held his hand tightly.

“Go on love, I’m all ears!”

“Well I haven’t been entirely honest about my personal life. Yes I was treated like shit by my parents and people were horrible to me at university but well, I don’t know how to put this but I’m not from this time, I’m from the future.”

[sobbingsunshine]

The Secret Crush

The secret crush I had on you.

Day one is fuzzy. I don’t remember the exact moment I knew who you were. We met at a fire. Those first few fires were on chilly, fall nights but the alcohol coursing through my veins warmed me to the core. I don’t remember which fire, which city, which night. What I do remember is going to another party, and another, and another. Never being able to pinpoint the exact moment I learned who you were. I showed up one time and just knew.

You were cute. Your smile was mesmerizing, beaming like a ray of sunshine. Your eyes were pools of water, smooth and blue on the surface. With secrets hidden far beneath, waiting to be uncovered. But you couldn’t be mine. I was taken. I never dwelled on my attraction to you, I simply noticed it and threw it in the back of my mind.

We went to another fire, this time in your stomping grounds. I was still with him, but you were with her. The night blazed on, silly conversation and drunken laughs shared between the four of us. I noticed it again, the twinkle in your eye. But honestly, not then and there. Only now when I think back on it do I remember. Boy is it vivid. I was happy. I was content with life. Stealing you was not a thought that ever crossed my mind, but it never stopped me from adoring your laugh. It never stopped my from admiring the way you looked at her. But when I look back I realize...

The secret crush I had on you.

Months go by. You’re just a whisper in the wind. A few likes on social media, a random unanswered snap from time to time.

“Are you working?” The moment everything clicked. I don’t remember the exact day I met you, but I remember the exact moment I fell for you.

I was still with him, you were still with her. But I’m just being honest here. I knew it would never go anywhere, I wouldn’t try anything and neither would you. You didn’t know I was falling for you because neither did I. You told me about her and all the things she put you through, you shared your thoughts and emotions and that pulled at my heartstrings. My heart was melting even as we stood in the ice cold bleachers. My heart was melting even as the night drew to an end. I wouldn’t do anything I shouldn’t, but it was at that moment I knew you were a good guy, and you deserved better. But that couldn’t be me. It’d never be me.

The secret crush I had on you.

Our paths continued to randomly cross. He and I were no longer. You saw new people and so did I. All the while, neither of us had any clue how the other felt. I crashed at your apartment, grabbed lunch a time or two, and even talked through some shit with you. You saw my highs and many of my lows and I saw some of yours. I was offered the opportunity to witness your best and worst, without the blinders of love. I was offered the opportunity to learn you for you, not some guy trying to impress me. But man did you impress me.

But then he came along. I was whisked away. Communication ceased. Your life became nothing but pictures on Facebook, retweets, and snap stories. The crush I had conjured up in my mind became a pile of dust. He stole my heart and the thoughts of you were pushed to the back of my mind, once again. You became a mere memory. But my crush was never public anyway, you had no clue. My life went on and so did yours, no hard feelings. Right?

The secret crush I had on you.

Years pass. He and I were no longer.

The secret crush I had on you.

As the lochness surfaced from the depths of hellish waters, a ray of sunshine illuminated the way, exposing a pool of water. Smooth and blue on the surface, with secrets hidden far beneath, waiting to be uncovered.

The secrets hidden beneath your icy blue eyes somehow coincided with mine. Communication was restored between us. Random chit chat became full blown conversations. A little banter turned into a late night confession. The memories of you rushed to the forefront of my brain and flooded my thoughts with you, you, you. *Ding* A Snapchat. It’s you. Of course it’s you. Here goes nothing. You know I’ve always thought you were cute. Oh gosh. Take it back. Why did you say that. Minutes drag as I wait...

Tick.

Tock.

Tick.

Tock.

You’re typing. Please just respond already.

*DING*

YOU FEEL THAT WAY TOO.

I finally spent the day with you. A day with no secrets. The day the secret crush I had on you became the crush I had on you. Your smile is still mesmerizing. I still notice the twinkle in your eye. I still adore your laugh. My heart still melts in the icy cold breeze. I am now happy. I am now content with life. You did deserve better, and finally, it’s me.

The secret crush I had on you.

The crush I had on you.

The crush, I have on you.

[sneaklett]

Asks

@blazeninja4474​

1. You woke up naked next to the last person you texted, what would you say? Honestly I'd probably make some kinda dumbass joke about keys dropping or BBC 2. What’s going on between you and the last person you kissed? We live together and have our anniversary in 5 days so you could probably say we’re dating. 3. If your boyfriend or girlfriend was into drugs, would you care? Well like, weed is cool but nothing stronger. 4. Is your last name longer than six letters? Nope, I was actually named so all my names are 5 letters! 5. Was your last kiss drunk or sober? Sober

6. Have you ever wanted to have someone but you messed it up? I mean, wanted someone and didn't get them yes, but not my fault just a bad time for them. 7. What does your last received text say? "Someone stole their name" 8. How many times have you kissed the last person you kissed? Like a million times, probably more 9. Where was your last kiss at? On the futon in the basement 10. When is the last time you saw your sister? Like a week or so ago 11. What do you drink in the morning? Tea or water 12. Where did you sleep last night? On the futon in the basement 13. Do you think relationships are hard? Yes and no, you should work hard through problems but you shouldn't have to struggle just to maintain it. 14. If you could go back and change something in the past 5 months, would you? I'd spend more time with my bunny rabbit Toast, you never know what will happen. 15. You’re locked in a room with the last person you kissed, any problems? Nope 16. Would you rather it be sunny or rainy? I prefer sun but I've really appreciated the rain lately 17. Do you know anyone with the same middle name as you? Nope! 18. Are you wearing jeans,sweatpants,or pajama pants? Pajama pants - specifically hot pink with pandas all over them. 19. Do you think you will be in a relationship 3 years from now? Yeah, although he better have proposed by then lol 20. Does anyone like you? I'd hope my friends and boyfriend 21. Have you ever kissed someone with a name that starts with an S? Yeah but he was just a friend and it was a long time ago. 22. Is the last person you kissed gay? Kinda yes, Kinda no. 23. Is there a person you CANNOT stand? There are several people I cannot stand, thankfully I haven't seen most of them since high school. 24. Have you ever considered getting a tattoo? I have one tattoo already and I'm getting my second tattoo a week from today.

25. In the past week have you cried?

Literally every day 26. What breed was the last dog you saw? Pitbull & Doxie (my dogs)

27. Do you dry off in the shower or out of the shower? In the shower 28. Have you ever kissed a football player? Nope 29. Do you think you’re old? Age wise I am young, but experience wise I feel extremely old. 30. Do you like text messaging? Yeah, way more than talking 31. What type of day are you having? Day just started so not sure yet. 32. Have you ever thought about getting your nose pierced? Yeah, I actually bought a fake septum ring to try it out but then I never got around to it. 33. Do you prefer warm or cold weather? Warm. I HATE the cold. 34. Is there a person of the opposite sex who means a lot to you? Most of the people who mean a lot to me are dudes. My boyfriend and closest friends. 35. Would you prefer a relationship or a fling? Relationship 36. Are you a simple or complicated person? I like to think I'm simple but if I asked someone they'd probably call me complicated. 37. What song are you listening to? No music right now but my favorite song lately has been Peter Hammond's cover of Loch Lomund 38. When you say you’re sorry do you mean it? Yep! 39. Is there a girl that knows everything or almost everything about you? Yeah 40. What made you start liking the person you like now? He laughed at my horribly morbid jokes in forensics class 41. When did you last receive a text message? 6:28 AM today 42. What is wrong with you right now? My son died, I'm unemployed, I have my period, I can't go to college... 43. How well do you know the last female you texted? Pretty well since she's my aunt. 44. Does anyone disgust you? Honestly yes, people who are racist/sexist/etc. I will not even attempt to hide my disgust. Also people who treat waiters or retail workers poorly. 45. Would you date someone right now if they asked? 1 person, but he asked me two years ago 46. Are you in a good mood right now? Kinda in between, I got cramps and I didn't sleep good. 47. Who was the last person you talked to in person? My boyfriend. 48. What color shirt are you wearing? It's a grey deadpool shirt 49. Has someone recently told you something you didn’t want to hear? Not really 50. Anyone you’re giving up on? One person, but I gave up a long time ago. 51. Do you hate the person you fell hardest for? I used to, I used to hate both of my ex-boyfriends but honestly, since it's been almost 4 years for one and about 2 years for the other, I've gotten over it. I'd rather just be polite. 52. Have you ever thought about giving up on someone but couldn’t? Absolutely 53. Do you like rain? As long as I can be inside. 54. Do you care if your boyfriend/girlfriend drinks? Nah, thats his choice. As long as he is safe and loyal I'm fine with it. 55. Have you ever liked somebody and never told them? Nope, I've actually told everyone I've ever liked. 56. Do you like to cuddle? Fuck yeah 57. Are you shy? Yes and no, I like hiding behind people, I feel safer that way, but if they're also shy then I will step up. 58. Do you get along with girls? I get along with anyone who isn't causing me problems. 59. Have you dated the person you texted last? I took him to prom, but he's gay so nah. 60. What do you carry with you at all times? My phone 61. If you were paid 1 million dollars to spend the night in a supposed haunted house, would you? Yeah, I don't really believe in ghosts 62. Do you think you can last in a relationship for five months? Yeah, most of my relationships have lasted 5 months or longer 63. Think back to October, were you in a relationship? Yep 64. The person you like kisses you on the forehead, do you find this cute? Yeah, he's fuckin adorable 65. Did anything “cute” happen in the last week? My boyfriend's been pretty sweet which is cute. 66. How old are the last three people you kissed? The most recent is 20... other than that I don't remember. 67. Would you rather pay to get your nails done or do them yourself?     Do them myself 68. Which do you like better- Zebra print or leopard print?     Leopard Print 69. Do you have any stickers on your car?     Nope, dont even have a car 70. Would you rather listen to Luke Bryan or Lil Wayne?     Neither tbh 71. Blackberry, Anroid, or iPhone?     iPhone 72. When’s the last time you had pizza from Pizza Hut?     Few months ago when I was high. 73. Do you like diet soda?     I don't drink soda 74. What color are the walls in your room?     Blue and white 75. Are you 16 or older?     Yeah, 19 76. Do you watch Pretty Little Liars?     I watched like one episode but eh 77. Do you have a job?       No, but I am searching 78. What are your initials?     MHW 79. Did you ever have braces?     Yeaah, but my teeth are janky because I didn't wear my retainers 80. Are you from the south?     Kinda sorta. I'm in Maryland which is like borderline south and north. 81. What does your last status on facebook say?     "i love him" with a picture of a really fluffy baby cow

82. Do you still talk to the first person you ever kissed?     Nope. We're on good terms but we don't have any particular reason to talk to each other. 83. Are you closer to your mom or your dad?     About equal tbh 84. Have you ever done cheerleading or gymnastics?     I did gymnastics when I was really little. 85. What’s the last movie you saw in theaters?     I honestly have no clue. I think it was The Visit which was trash. I don't really like going to the movies. 86. Do you smoke?     I used to smoke weed but I haven't touched it in a few months. 87. Would you rather wear heels or flip flops?     Heels 88. Is your phone touch screen?     Yep 89. Do you normally wear your hair straight or curly?     Straight? I have like no hair tho 90. Have you ever snuck out of your house?     Yup 91. Would you rather swim in a river, lake, or pool?     River 92. Have you ever made out in a car?     Yeah 93. …Had sex in a car?     Nope 94. Are you single or in a relationship?     Relationship 95. What were you doing last night at midnight?     Having night terrors 96. When’s the last time you saw fireworks?     I suppose some time last summer when my dickbag neighbors were setting them off. 97. Do you like the camera on your phone?     No, its fucking awful. 98. Have you ever had a friend with benefits?     Not really 99. Have you ever passed out from drinking?     Like once 100. Are you friends with people on facebook that you actually hate?     Yuppp 101. Have you ever had a pregnancy scare?     Who hasn't ? 102. Name your favorite Kesha song:     Literally all of them, I fucking love Ke$ha. Go ahead, judge me. 103. Do you have any tan lines right now?     Nope. 104. Would you ever wear cowboy boots with shorts? Nope.

[mdwatchestv]

The Walking Dead 7x09: Return of Tiger

It's baaaaaacckkkk!

As I pressed play on the midseason premiere of The Walking Dead I thought "ugh did I even miss this show?", ten minutes after that I was crying because Maggie became the first female president of Hilltop. This is a both a reflection on my own emotional unbalance as well as my tumultuous relationship with our favorite zombie program.

Let's be honest, this season has been rough. A season that began with over-the-top brutality against a beloved character, and then devolved into morose wheel-spinning for the next half a dozen episodes is not what I would describe as 'entertainment'. The Walking Dead almost seemed to revel in its own misery, dedicating overlong episodes to torturing Daryl and finding new excruciating ways to break down Rick into little bits and pieces. It made me question as a viewer what responsibility (if any) a show has to be actually enjoyable. That isn't to say that a show can't explore themes or storylines that may make the audience uncomfortable, but TWD's series of unfortunate events combined with a stagnant, unmoving plot (see Tara's ship-in-a-bottle episode) was starting to become unbearable. The producers publicly proclaiming and then denying that the show's graphic violence had gone too far and needed to be scaled back, was also not particularly comforting. At the very least, it suggests the creative forces are not on the same page regarding the tone and direction of the show. Sadly, behind the scenes infighting is usually not conducive to thoughtful storytelling.

                    I straight up thought he walked into a shelf 

However, there was a bright spot of light in the first half of the season and that was the episode two introduction of The Kingdom, and, more importantly, THE TIGER! The zombie genre is so popular because at the end of the day it's a FUN genre. Fantasizing about surviving a zombie apocalypse is FUN, ridiculous zombie-death sight gags are FUN, tigers are FUN (and majestic, beautiful animals).  Watching a grown man brought to bitter emasculated tears over, and over, and over again = not fun. Thankfully in the mid season finale, Rick snapped the fuck out of whatever depression haze he was in, and decided to resume the plot.

In my post about the mid season finale (if you want to read it again, and why wouldn't you, click here), I hoped that the story would continue to progress and that there would be more tiger. And guess what! THERE. WAS. MORE. TIGER!!!!! Also more King Ezekial! And more Jerry!

                                               Hi Jesus!!!

Sure, it was a little convenient that Jesus suddenly announced his knowledge of King Ezekial and the Kingdom (Me: How does Jesus even know him?? Boyfriend (duh voice): Jesus knows EVERYbody). Jesus rolls deep, even grumpy cat Richard is down with the J-Man.

                                              Hi Jerry!!!

However, despite Rick's very convenient parable about the rock in the road (he had to have just made that up right?), King Ezekial refuses to participate in the uprising against Negan (rude). He does however agree to hide Daryl from the Saviors, a decision which will almost certainly end badly. Sidebar: Can we also briefly discuss the weird lie Morgan told Daryl about not knowing where Carol was? Like, she lives right down the street...she frequently shows up in the surrounding wilderness. You go visit her like every day Morgan. Anyway, whatever. Here is what I think is going to happen- the Saviors show up at the Kingdom, it goes bad, either a) Richard or b) teen boy are killed and then Ezekial realizes he has no choice but to take up arms and join Rick. I can only hope the tiger is not harmed in any way.

Moving on, this little Death Race sequence on the highway was AWESOME. THIS is why people love zombies movies! Mowing down a herd of zombies with a metal cable between two cars is dope as hell. Thank you for that. However, my blood soon ran cold when Michonne whispered "We're the ones who live" into Rick's ear. Do not be saying shit like that Michonne! What is wrong with you! Know what show you're on!

Anyway, let's talk about stupid Gabriel. At the beginning of the episode we see him peacing out of Alexandria after looting a great deal of food and supplies. After discovering this deception, the group is torn over whether Gabe has ditched them, or has some sort of greater mystery plan (not sure what that could even be tbh). Honestly, I am tired of giving this guy the benefit of the doubt, let us not forget he doomed his entire congregation to death and then tattled on Rick's craziness to Deanna. How many second chances does one guy deserve? He does leave a very unsubtle clue in ye old inventory composition book, which leads the group to the previously visited Loch Zombie where they come across...wait for it..... ANOTHER NEW group! Has Gabriel been bringing supplies to this group in an attempt to court them? Are these the people whose mysterious shoes we have been seeing? I don't know. All I know is that next week's episode is called 'New Best Friends' and that is EVERYTHING to me.

                                It’s guy love between two guys....

Overall this episode felt very different than its seasonal predecessors. While there was a suitable amount of peril and danger, the tone was light, hopeful even, and for once I did not feel like I was being punished for watching it. The mere fact the episode ended on Rick’s knowing smile rather than another one of his patented twisted grimaces gives me hope for the future.

More of the same please!

XO MD

PS If I hear one more weird sexual thing said about Lucille I am going to FREAK OUT