#DerbyDoes

[sobbingsunshine]

I promise.

I promise to always love you.

I promise to always be there for you.

I promise to always be loyal to you.

I promise to always make an effort.

I promise to always be your best friend.

I promise to always try to make you smile.

I promise to always try to do the little things.

I promise to always try to avoid arguments.

I promise to make memories with you.

I promise to pay attention.

I promise to build with you.

I promise to be your future.

I promise to never give up on you.

I promise to never give up on us.

I promise to be yours.

I promise to you.

I promise.

[love-reverend-swanson]

😂😂 Well done.

Source: DerbyDoe youtube

[sobbingsunshine]

Run Free.🖤

There were dark nights. Nights darker than the midnight sky seen from a hayfield miles from city lights. These nights were quiet, not the peaceful quiet of a river weaving through hills. No, a quiet that exposes itself only when we block everything out. Blocking out the overplayed country songs, the drunken yells, the kids playing with toy tractors on the greasy garage floor. A self created quiet that only exists for us. These nights are nights we never imagined would have existed. He’d indulge until he was unable to indulge anymore and throw punches. Not at us, never at us. But broken windshields, collapsing drywall, and shattered friendships prove that punches aren’t just a means to an end...for it never ended. But the words, they hurt more than any punch ever will. They weren’t the words he said, but the words he didn’t instead. We begged and pleaded to go home rather than greeting 3 AM once again. We begged and pleaded to sleep on the worn couches of strangers rather than risking one more white-knuckle ride with you. We begged and pleaded. But he wanted his couch, his bed, his home; therefore, we risked our lives, our sanity, our happiness. Every night started with smiles and ended with catastrophe. One mention of let’s go home turned into a whirlwind of grunts, screams, and running to his safety net: beer. But let’s face it, beer isn’t the monster here, he is. He chooses to pick up that bottle, that can. He chooses to fall into a black drunken abyss rather than into your arms. He chooses to drink instead of to love. & on the darkest of nights you realized, candlelight can fill pitch black rooms with a single flame and you, my dear, can brighten your life with a single smile. Run free sunshine, into the dawn of a new day. Run free my dear, from the darkest of souls. Run free, my dear. Run free.

[sobbingsunshine]

The Secret Crush

The secret crush I had on you.

Day one is fuzzy. I don’t remember the exact moment I knew who you were. We met at a fire. Those first few fires were on chilly, fall nights but the alcohol coursing through my veins warmed me to the core. I don’t remember which fire, which city, which night. What I do remember is going to another party, and another, and another. Never being able to pinpoint the exact moment I learned who you were. I showed up one time and just knew.

You were cute. Your smile was mesmerizing, beaming like a ray of sunshine. Your eyes were pools of water, smooth and blue on the surface. With secrets hidden far beneath, waiting to be uncovered. But you couldn’t be mine. I was taken. I never dwelled on my attraction to you, I simply noticed it and threw it in the back of my mind.

We went to another fire, this time in your stomping grounds. I was still with him, but you were with her. The night blazed on, silly conversation and drunken laughs shared between the four of us. I noticed it again, the twinkle in your eye. But honestly, not then and there. Only now when I think back on it do I remember. Boy is it vivid. I was happy. I was content with life. Stealing you was not a thought that ever crossed my mind, but it never stopped me from adoring your laugh. It never stopped my from admiring the way you looked at her. But when I look back I realize...

The secret crush I had on you.

Months go by. You’re just a whisper in the wind. A few likes on social media, a random unanswered snap from time to time.

“Are you working?” The moment everything clicked. I don’t remember the exact day I met you, but I remember the exact moment I fell for you.

I was still with him, you were still with her. But I’m just being honest here. I knew it would never go anywhere, I wouldn’t try anything and neither would you. You didn’t know I was falling for you because neither did I. You told me about her and all the things she put you through, you shared your thoughts and emotions and that pulled at my heartstrings. My heart was melting even as we stood in the ice cold bleachers. My heart was melting even as the night drew to an end. I wouldn’t do anything I shouldn’t, but it was at that moment I knew you were a good guy, and you deserved better. But that couldn’t be me. It’d never be me.

The secret crush I had on you.

Our paths continued to randomly cross. He and I were no longer. You saw new people and so did I. All the while, neither of us had any clue how the other felt. I crashed at your apartment, grabbed lunch a time or two, and even talked through some shit with you. You saw my highs and many of my lows and I saw some of yours. I was offered the opportunity to witness your best and worst, without the blinders of love. I was offered the opportunity to learn you for you, not some guy trying to impress me. But man did you impress me.

But then he came along. I was whisked away. Communication ceased. Your life became nothing but pictures on Facebook, retweets, and snap stories. The crush I had conjured up in my mind became a pile of dust. He stole my heart and the thoughts of you were pushed to the back of my mind, once again. You became a mere memory. But my crush was never public anyway, you had no clue. My life went on and so did yours, no hard feelings. Right?

The secret crush I had on you.

Years pass. He and I were no longer.

The secret crush I had on you.

As the lochness surfaced from the depths of hellish waters, a ray of sunshine illuminated the way, exposing a pool of water. Smooth and blue on the surface, with secrets hidden far beneath, waiting to be uncovered.

The secrets hidden beneath your icy blue eyes somehow coincided with mine. Communication was restored between us. Random chit chat became full blown conversations. A little banter turned into a late night confession. The memories of you rushed to the forefront of my brain and flooded my thoughts with you, you, you. *Ding* A Snapchat. It’s you. Of course it’s you. Here goes nothing. You know I’ve always thought you were cute. Oh gosh. Take it back. Why did you say that. Minutes drag as I wait...

Tick.

Tock.

Tick.

Tock.

You’re typing. Please just respond already.

*DING*

YOU FEEL THAT WAY TOO.

I finally spent the day with you. A day with no secrets. The day the secret crush I had on you became the crush I had on you. Your smile is still mesmerizing. I still notice the twinkle in your eye. I still adore your laugh. My heart still melts in the icy cold breeze. I am now happy. I am now content with life. You did deserve better, and finally, it’s me.

The secret crush I had on you.

The crush I had on you.

The crush, I have on you.

[sobbingsunshine]

Red carpet runners.

There was darkness, but the brightest sunshine follows the darkest nights. She tried. She tried forgetting the monster. Forgetting the screaming fights, the endless tears, and the lost time. There was no getting time back... she was now forced to focus solely on utilizing the time she had remaining. Not just using it, but doing so wisely. Stop dwelling on the past. Stop trying to get back something that will never be. Instead, make something of what should be, what could be.

She turned to the only thing that calms her; communication, flirting, talking. Anything to get her focused on something other than the monster. She fell into her horrible, terrible routine. Snapping day in and out. Not a million people at once, but a few. It’s a terrible, shitty thing to do. Stringing everyone along. But wait. Was that really what she was doing? Was it? She was simply talking, it’s always been what she does best. Longing for someone who desired her, just to fill the empty void. Not a sexual desire, but a constant desire to communicate. A constant desire to understand.

She wasn’t looking for love, but if it happened... so be it. But what is love anymore? A joke. A thing for fairy tales. But it all ceased suddenly, when she met you.

You picked her up and spun her in circles. You did all the fairytale love story things. You supported her passions and even invited her to a red carpet event. Love was flourishing. Her eyes glistened at the sound of your name.

But destruction fell upon us. In one fellow swoop, the red carpet was pulled from beneath our feet. But you, you were the one who stole the carpet. You were the one who stole not only your happiness, but hers.

Again. Why is she facing this again.

She’s not ready for it. She never will be.

& here she is, being swallowed into the depths of darkness, again. Tumbling deeper than ever before. Deep into a cavern of stalagmites and stalactites, carving the affliction into her skin. Will she ever escape?

[sobbingsunshine]

I love you.

I love how you treat me, the way you look at me, the way you interact with my family and friends. I love how you include everyone as much as possible. I love the way you touch me, hold me, and kiss me. I love your eyes and your smile. I love your effort and dedication, not just to me but also your friends, family, and job. I love that you seem comfortable around me because it makes me comfortable around you. I love that you spoil me, not just with tangible items but also your time, loyalty, attention and commitment. I love that my bed smells like you as I lie here typing this to you. I love the way you love me & that I can finally tell you how I truly feel.

I love you, for everything you are and everything you’re yet to become.

[sobbingsunshine]

Get out.

You told me to stop.

Don’t cry. Stop crying. You’re ugly when you cry.

Why do you cry so much?

It’s for attention. Why are you so needy?

If you’re gonna cry just get out.

Just get out.

Get out.

Here comes the ground.

The slightly impaired thoughts swirl as my head lifts from the wet pavement.

Footsteps come closer, thundering, angry.

You fucking idiot. Get in the truck.

Get in.

But you told me to get out.

So I did.