#honestly i forget sometimes how much i love them and i think it's mostly bc i don't intake as much fic/art of them

[the-magicians-ravens]

god bless the elmax and ronance authors and artists out there. truly you guys are doing the most-est

[brairslair]

op monster trio x fem!reader nsfw headcanons

EVERYONE IS 18+ (minors need to scram)

a/n: remember, these are hc’s and just my opinion!

don’t forget to like, reblog, and comment to support my work! mwah <3

“just enjoy this”

luffy:

very talkative and vocal during sex

always just says whats on his mind

“wow, you’re so wet for me already”

“you look so pretty when your face scrunches up like that”

“that feels good. go faster”

not shy at all about moaning and can get really loud sometimes

like there will definitely be noise complaints

kinda a pleasure dom, but can also get really needy sometimes

wants to make sure you feel just as good as he does

“does that feel good?”

“how’s this?”

“you like it when i do that?”

loves bringing food into the bedroom (obviously)

aphrodisiacs? yes

licking whipped cream, hot fudge, caramel, etc, off your body? yuh huh

and his stamina is HIGH

he also gets really excited about trying new things, and will try pretty much anything once if it’s something you’re into

one of his favorites is mirror sex

spreading you out on his fingers or his dick and making sure you watch yourself

he just wants you to see the beautiful view that he gets to see

plus then he gets double of you, and more you is always good

loves when you get vocal, so if you’re on the shyer side he will definitely work overtime so he gets to hear you

will make it a game to see how loud he can get you

he also speaks portuguese bc it makes sense and also i said so !!!!

sometimes his language setting accidentally switches to portuguese when he’s fucked out

“vou meter em você ate você gritar meu nome”

goes crazy when you say his name

even crazier when you get so cockdrunk that you start babbling nonsense

honestly he can’t help but laugh

like full on belly laughing like a maniac while he’s breaking your brain

but he just thinks you’re the cutest and he can’t contain himself

sometimes he’ll have a conversation with you while you’re in that state, acting like he can understand anything you’re saying

“feels good huh?”

you’ll whine out something indecipherable in response

“yeah i know!”

he’s always happy if you tell him what you want and how you’re feeling

because he just loves you so much and he wants you to enjoy it too

because he thinks you deserve the world

can also get pretty dominant/demanding sometimes without even realizing it, just because he’s so blunt

he’s just a man who knows what he wants and goes for it

if he’s especially needy, he gets a little more rough with you

holding your hair as he fucks your mouth, because your eyes look so pretty when you look up at him like that

or fucking you hard and fast to chase his own release, leaving bruises on your hips from how tightly he’s gripping them

even then, he’ll always do frequent check ins to make sure you’re still enjoying it

messy kisser

loves kissing and licking and nibbling all over your body

definitely leaves marks

he’s also not shy about PDA, (mostly because he does not understand the social construct of what is and is not appropriate to do in public), so he loves when he gets to see his love marks on you the next day

thinks u look rly pretty with his love all on you

he’s really good with his mouth

could eat you out for hours, and wont stop until your whole body is shaking

big fan of face sitting

definitely more of a tits guy

always smiling into your kisses, wether he’s sweetly kissing your lips, leaving a trail down your body, or teasing your clit

loves to make you squirm, so edging you is definitely fun for him

he likes seeing you be all needy for him, especially since he’s usually the needier one (can you blame him)

definitely also challenges himself to see how many times he can make you cum in one day, and keeps track of his records

really enjoys using his devil fruit powers on you too, and laughs in excitement when it makes your eyes roll back

always gets you both water and plenty of snacks afterwards, falling into a comfortable conversation or putting on your favorite movie

zoro:

you’re the only person he feels comfortable enough to be this vulnerable with, and he trusts you with his life

you are always his number one priority, no matter what, and that naturally carries over into your sex life

he’s extremely attentive to you, in and out of the bedroom

knows your body better than he knows his own

always knows exactly what you need and just how to make your eyes roll back

he’s a “just relax and let me take care of you” kind of guy, and all he cares about is making you feel good

after all, you always make him feel good, even without doing a single thing

but of course he soaks in anything and everything you graciously give him

he quietly feels undeserving of your love, so he’s really big on being praised

your sweet words only spur him on to make you cum even harder

usually more of a soft dom

but if you ask nicely, sometimes he’ll let you take care of him when you know he needs to just relax

he’s gentle with his strength and careful not to hurt you

likes to fuck you hard but slow, wanting it to last as long as possible

he lives to hear your pretty noises of overstimulation as he makes sure to hit the right spots with every agonizing thrust

your legs held over his shoulders so you can feel every inch of him

doesn’t pick up his pace, even when you’re trembling and trying to move your hips against his

“i’ve got you. just enjoy this”

not super talkative, but definitely gets more vocal the more comfortable he gets being intimate with you

lots of grunts and groans against your neck

sometimes an occasional moan or curse will slip out

when he does talk, it’s soft and low, whispered for only your ears to hear

his voice gets a little deeper when he’s like this, and it grounds you and shakes you to your core somehow at the same time

he loves kissing you, and pouring every feeling he can’t put into words onto your lips

rly likes watching your face to see every pretty little expression you make

likes seeing how good he’s making you feel

also really big on eye contact

wether he’s fingering you, eating you out, fucking you, you’re giving him head, whatever, he wants to look into your eyes and watch them as they get all glassy

“hey, look at me. keep your eyes open”

a little bit into dacryphilia , because it feels so intimate to him

making you feel so overwhelmed with pleasure that it brings you to tears, then kissing all your tears away as you fall apart for him

he’s also really good with his fingers because of how much dexterity he’s built up in his hands from all those years of swordsmanship training

the reason he also has insane stamina ^

if you get bratty with him he’ll get bratty back (he’s a part of the sassy man apocalypse)

sometimes if you’re being particularly bratty, or when he gets cocky after a really good training session, he can get a little more riled up into being more talkative and commanding

but he still never loses that softness, because to him you’re angel on earth, and his love and adoration for you is overflowing

“if you’re that needy, just ask for it. don’t need to make a fuss”

“that’s it, keep going”

“go ahead, you can let go for me”

“tell me what you want me to do and i’ll do it, but you have to use your words”

if he’s feeling really confident, he might pin you against his surface of choice while he ruts into you, licking into your mouth to savor your taste

^ he feels guilty at first for being rough with you, but any fears of him being selfish fly out the window when he hears you moan his name all desperate and hoarse and fucked out

“you like it when im rough like this, huh?”

“what was that, honey? you gotta speak up”

“i know you’ve got one more in you, baby, don’t hold out on me”

no matter what, he always makes sure you cum at least twice before he does

he’s not super into pda, but he secretly loves when you leave marks on him

especially when you scratch up his back or his chest

they feel like battle scars and make him feel all proud and shit

he’ll “discreetly” show them off walking around topless, but he’ll still glare at anyone if they make a comment about it

he also joins the pda train anytime he sees you talking to another man that isn’t a part of the crew

or any time he’s drunk off his ass ^^

thigh/ass guy

he loves feeling your body shutter and twitch from his touch

he doesn’t smile too often, but you sometimes get lucky enough to see it

he’ll hold your jaw up and smile lazily into your sweet kisses while he fucks you deep with his fingers

constantly longs to show his devotion to you, and takes his time to make sure you feel it

lots of sleepy and lazy sex

also shower/bath sex

he lives to hear your sweet sounds

he will not stand for it if you try to hide your pretty little noises from him

“c’mon, don’t do that. let me hear you”

“don’t get all shy on me now”

“there’s my girl”

he’ll always put a pillow under your hips

he likes to wrap his arms around your waist to pull you as close to him as possible

he also just finds it really hot when you arch your back

he’ll fuck you so good that you genuinely cannot stand after he’s finished with you

then he’ll run you both a warm bath, hold you to his chest, and wash off your body and your hair as you both relax into the comfortable silence

sanji:

worships the ground you walk on (seriously considered starting a religion)

loves to be romantic and set the mood

cooking you both a nice intimate dinner, lighting candles, peppering rose petals, giving you massages, etc etc

but once you guys actually start getting intimate, he cannot WAIT to get his hands on you

but he still respects you and treats you like a fucking queen, because to him you are

not an exaggeration by any means either, he will build you a throne

he asks permission before kissing you

won’t touch you unless you give him permissiom

will do or say genuinely anything you ask him to, no questions asked

but will also pathetically rut his hips against your clothed cunt while you make out and cum in his pants if you allow it

he can get rock hard just at the sight of you

not even in a pervy way, it’s just that you’re sooo sexy and everything you do is like his siren song

definitely a sub

loves receiving, and feels blessed with every ounce of pleasure you grant him

but making you feel good gives him just as much pleasure, because he worships you after all

knowing he’s the one making you feel good really gets him going

he’ll worship your body for HOURS with no expectations to receive anything in return

he can get off untouched just by knowing he’s making you feel good

loves eating you out, and is extremely talkative

more than willing to be on his knees for you at any time

loves praising you (of course) and is always eager to encourage you

“you’re the most beautiful woman i’ve ever seen”

“you taste so sweet, mon amour”

“want you to cum so badly, sweetheart”

“please let me help you come undone my love”

he loves when you praise him too

however, he also goes crazy when you get a little mean

likes it when you use him for your own pleasure after a restless night or a frustrating mission

or when you edge him for hours as punishment for making a flirtatious comment towards another woman (atp he only does it to get this result)

he is also not beneath begging !

sucker for romance during sex too

loves holding your hand while he makes you see stars or while you let him use your mouth

kissing all over you while you both fall apart

babbling and whining against your lips about how much he loves you

loves when you mark him up, and will proudly show them off

practically gets heart eyes every time he looks at you, but his eyes are BULGING when he sees your perfect tits

loves sucking on them while you ride him

very cheesy and dramatic lines and pet names, but they all come straight from his heart and he means every single word

really likes it when you pull his hair

definitely whimpers and whines and moans your name like a prayer

says “thank you” when you let him cum because he’s so polite

probably has a breeding kink

definitely has low stamina at the beginning of your relationship and doesn’t last very long, but builds it up over time

still makes sure you’re more than fully satisfied even if he’s already finished

would let you tie him up, blindfold him, gag him, whatever you want, and he would enjoy the fuck out of every second

he would still complain and whine about not being able to touch/see/praise you a bit though

super passionate kisser

also always extremely sensitive, because it’s you

lots of cuddles and kisses and sweet words after the two of you are done until you fall asleep with your limbs tangled

asks are open!

[fbfh]

tristin dugray relationship and intimacy hcs pt 2

wc: 1.1k

pairing: tristin x (implied fem) reader

genre: straight up smut with some mild feelings

warnings: brief mention of exhibitionism, debriefing with madison and louise, aftercare, cuddles, car sex, sex in a variety of places, cockwarming, nudes, brief mention of oral (m recieving)

song rec: mary - alex g (bc this is literally tristin's song. it's so fucking tristin coded.)

a/n: so good news I think my adhd medication is finally working lol

tags @yesv01 @magcon7280

As with all nsfw works all characters are aged up to 18+

WITHOUT FURTHER ADIEU MORE TRISTIN SMUT BC I’M FOAMING AT THE FUCKING MOUTH

What’s fun about Tristin

Among many other things

Is his fixation with your hips

Seriously it was one of the first things this horny motherfucker noticed about you

Whenever you wear anything mildly form fitting he can’t take his goddamn eyes off your hips

Once you’re together it’s basically impossible for him to resist touching them

Sometimes it’s a playful squeeze

Or an affectionate rub

Other times it’s full on groping while he shoves his tongue into your mouth and makes you grind against his thigh

He could live like that for days and not get tired

Speaking of

Tristin has fucking stamina for DAYS

“Men can’t have multiple orgasms” tell that to him!!!!!!!!

He just… has a fixation with all of you honestly

Like there’s no part of you that he’s not going to eye the fuck up 

You know the looks he’s always giving Rory???? 

That’s just the tip of the iceberg babe

Or should I say tip of the penis lol

Anyway 

Tristin is vocal as FUCK

Like mans can’t shut up

Even when we’ve reached the previously mentioned dumbfucking point, he’s still going to be whining and grunting and panting nonstop

His moans have you gushing like niagara falls tbh 

There is a zero percent chance he’s not going to give you the most affectionate aftercare every time too

So much praise and kisses and cuddles

Like he’ll genuinely get upset if you try to just bounce afterwards

Or worse

If he wakes up the next morning and you’re not there

Maybe he could handle casual hookups with other girls

But not with you

He will absolutely pull you back into bed and demand kisses and cuddles

I’m not gonna lie

He does have a little bit of an exhibitionist streak

Just a tiny itty bitty one

Mostly just from the urge to prove that you’re his when other guys keep flirting with you

If the circumstances were right and you were down, he would be happy to put on a show for them, show them how good he treats you

If you’re still friends with madison and louise/go to the same college as them they will BEG you for details and live vicariously through you

The line where they saw Tristin and Summer making out in front of Rory’s locker and one of them (I forget which one) was like “if you’re dating Tristin you have the right to make out anywhere and everywhere”

…

Yeah

They will literally grill details out of you

Whatever they can get

And the way they look at him after

The little sighs and head tilts and staring off into space thinking about what you told them, letting their imaginations go wild

It would make you jealous

If you didn’t know how much he likes you

But yeah there’s no one that can take you away from Tristin 

He loves you

And he loves keeping things fresh and spicy and exciting

He absolutley fucks you in his car a lot

Like a lot lot 

There’s at least a few pairs of your panties that you’ve lost somewhere in the fancy leather seats

He’ll also happily fuck you in your car

And every room and surface of your apartment

And your apartment hallway

And in an elevator once 

And public bathrooms

And your bathroom

And pretty much anywhere he thinks yall can get away with

Seriously this boy is such a slut but he’s only a slut for you

You light him on fucking fire and he can’t cope

He needs you biblically,, like in a way that’s concerning to feminism.

You can tell how he feels just from the way he looks at you 

And it’s obvious as shit to everyone else too

Like literally everyone

He eye fucks you a lot lot lot

GOD this boy can seduce you so fast

He moans so loud for you too

Tristin will really give you a good show

He wants to impress you

Wants you to need him

(cough cough praise kink)

He wants to breathe the same air as you

He wants to wrap you up so tight in his arms that it feels like you’re merging into one person

Tristin is the “cuddling isn’t enough I need to climb inside your skin” kinda clingy

Solution is cockwarming

Which you both love a lot

Once he realizes cockwarming is an option????? 

It slowly increases in frequency

There’s a good chance you won’t be able to sleep without it at some point

Seriously he will hold you tight and rub your back and touch your soft skin and tell you all the lovey dovey things he feels about you

Most of it is lovey dovey

But don’t let that fool you 

He is the CEO of both his family company AND dirty thoughts about you

Seriously he’s set off so easily by you

9 times out of 10 he’s probably fantasizing about you

Remembering your touch

How you feel around him

God he can’t wait to get his hands on you again

Let me tell you

Tristin is a motherfucking MENACE when it comes to sexting

He will have you blushing over the phone in ways you didn’t know you could blush

He’s so shameless about it too

If you send him nudes??????

He will literally die

And he’ll happily, happily return the favor

Once he realizes how you react when he sends you nudes?????

He never wants to stop

He literally loves getting you all feral and worked up over him

Don’t let Madison and Louise find out Tristin sends you nudes or else they will steal your phone and make a copy of your fingerprint with sticky tape and face powder just to access them /hj

Speaking of going feral

Tristin’s happy trail?????????

Are we gonna talk about it??????

Are we gonna talk about how you want to fucking bite him and deep throat him until you memorize every vein whenever you see his lil happy trail????

Because you will

You’ll definitely want to

Okay putting myself down now lol

I need his cock immediately

Constantly covered in hickeys and unable to walk and he loves it so much

He loves when you need him and he loves fucking you so good that you’re out of commission the next day

It’s what you deserve

You think he’s a menace now???

God help you when he gets baby fever

[srjlvr]

WHAT’s IN MY BAG ?!

what would ENHA members put in their bag that reminds them of you.

idol-ot7!enha x nonidol-fem!reader | genre fluff | warnings none (lmk if i missed smth) | not proofread ! | ✎ ᝰ (‘a note from jo’) . don’t even ask me how i thought about it bc i honestly dont know

희승 <> heeseung

he’d probably go around with your beauty products like hand creams and such.

it’s the ones you always use and even asked heeseung to buy them for you a few times when you ran out of it.

you sometimes happen to forget them when you two are going out—no worries!! heeseung is always here to rescue.

“what’s your favorite thing you keep in your bag?” the interviewer asks. heeseung looks through his bag and smiles when he sees something that reminds him of you, he takes it out and chuckles, “y/n always uses them, i thought it’d be good if i keep them since she always forgets them when we go out”

제이 <> jay

he’d definitely carry your perfume in his bag. he bought it to you once as a gift and ever since then it became your favorite perfume ever.

sometimes when you’re far from each other, he’d put on your perfume he carries around just because he misses you.

always buys extras and gives them to you but leaves one in his bag just incase he rans out of it and isn’t able to buy more at the moment.

“what’s the most expensive thing in your bag?” the interviewer asks, clearly making them to show off. jay immediately takes out your perfume and grins, “i bought it for y/n as a gift, but i didn’t expect her to like it as much as she does now, so i buy it more often now and it’s somehow the most expensive one”

“i use it a lot, i always think about y/n when i do” he smiles and nods, the members all sniffing him and giggling.

제이크 <> jake

before the two of you got together, you made him a heart shaped paper with a cute drawing on it.

he’d definitely carry that around, even if it looks old and wrinkled, he loves it.

always shows it to people since he adores it so much and wants to show off about how amazing you are.

“what’s the thing you’d never agree to give away?” the interviewer asks. jake, without a doubt takes out the heart shaped old and wrinkled paper with a big smile on his face, “y/n made it for me before we started dating, at that moment i knew i had to do everything to make her mine”

성훈 <> sunghoon

sunghoon loves taking pictures. he especially likes taking polaroid pictures with you, and of you alone.

he’d go around with a little album of your polaroids together, there’s nothing he loves more than looking through those pictures whenever you two are far away from each other.

would take it ANYWHERE he goes, and always adds new polaroids when he gets the time to take new pictures.

“what’s one thing you’d never get rid off?” the interviewer asks. sunghoon takes out the little album and smiles as he shows a few pictures of the two of you together, “it’s me and y/n in those pictures, i have this album for over a year and we’re always taking new pictures, i always look at them whenever i miss her”

the poor boy blushes and covers his face, the rest are busy pouting, “it’s the fact that he doesn’t even have pictures with us in his bag that saddens us”

선우 <> sunoo

gahhh i feel like he’d definitely carry around hair products in his bag—such as hairpins and hair ties.

he loves loves LOVES styling your hair, and always has an emergency hairpins and hair ties just incase.

your hairpin broke? sunoo’s here to fix it for you. your hair tie is not holding enough? sunoo’s. here. to. fix. that.

“what’s a thing you rarely use but still have it?” the interviewer asks. sunoo knows the answer right away and takes out the hairpins and hair ties with a giggle, “i use it on y/n mostly since i can’t really style my hair with these, but she needs them a lot so i carry it around”

정원 <> jungwon

the amount of wireless earbuds that you lost is insane. jungwon, being the responsible he is—still uses his first earbuds ever.

when you bought a new pair, jungwon decided to buy an extra one. he puts it in his bag and carries it around in case you’d come up to him and tell him you lost it again.

lost a pair again? jungwon pulls out the extra he bought you last time, and would probably buy an extra one again since he can’t trust you on this one. would he mind? no, not at all.

“what’s a thing you actually have twice of it?” the interviewer asks. jungwon laughs as soon as he hears the question, taking out the earbuds he bought recently, “i have my own earbuds, and these one are extra for y/n, she keeps loosing her earbuds all the time so i keep extras in my bag for her”

“it’s quite expensive isn’t it?” the interviewer asks and jungwon nods, “but i don’t mind since it always reminds me of her”

니키 <> ni-ki

both ni-ki and you LOVE sunglasses. you even bought matching ones once! ni-ki would probably carry one of your favorite sunglasses in his bag.

you have your own that you love and usually wear, but the one ni-ki carries is your most expensive and favorite one.

as much as he loves his own sunglasses, he’d wear yours whenever he misses you a lot, that way he can feel your embrace next to him, even if you’re not physically by his side.

“what’s your favorite accessory in your bag?” the interviewer asks. ni-ki smiles and slowly takes out your sunglasses, “it actually belongs to y/n, but i took it. we both love sunglasses and we bought matching ones, but since these are her favorites i carry them around and wear them all the time”

••• copyright © srjlvr all rights are reserved.

[hotluncheddie]

I'm on that autistic Steve shit!!!! (sorry no hc of Eddie.... can only focus on Steve ❤️)..... my favorite favorite favorite autistic Steve hc is that he is so so charming so charismatic so cool but it's entirely an act..... like he learned it from books and movies and watching other people and like his emotional / social intelligence is thru the roof bc of that.... I think I saw it described in a fic once as "he knows exactly what people want to hear"..... and I think he does revel in being a chameleon and doing that but of course it's draining!!! my fav is him letting the mask down in front of Very Important people..... I'm writing a fic rn where when Steve tries to mask around hopper he's like "boy stop that you know you don't have to do that here"..... I get such such terminal Nothing Face after a long day and I like to think Steve does too and he's worried Eddie will find it off-putting the first time he shuts down and still wants to hang out with him..... but Eddie is so so endeared by it and is very gentle with him "you ran out of faces, huh baby? that's alright" .....

2jug2head “you ran out of faces, huh baby? That’s alright.” That honestly melted my heart. I had to curl up in a little ball to deal with that.

It’s !!!!! So !!!!!! Sweet !!!!!!!!!

and omg having Hopper be like that with Steve, letting him know in that blunt, simple Hopper way I'm !!!!!! thats so good !!!! I will love love love to read that fic when u finish it !!!! pls tag me if u post it !!!!

but yeah I really really hc Steve as being super high masking, very capable socially, very able to read people. he's used so much of his life to think about others and be what's best in any possible situation. he always wants to be perfect in his interactions with people, wants to 'win' at it. wants to be the best version of himself for every person that he meets. and he mostly does. he's good at it, he's smart and a lot of people follow the same sort of conversions, expect similar things. he’s been around enough people and been in enough situations to have scripts and reactions to most scenarios. he can recognise patterns well and so he does that, but with people, over and over and over. so much so that he doesn't even think about it now, doesn't really even realise what he doing.

he’s very capable, very good and smart socially, but it's to his detriment. it means no one really knows him. it means he doesn't really know himself.

it's like he's a little perfect puppet and when he's alone it feels like this freak monster comes out; with all these feelings and thoughts and emotions that he doesn't know what to do with, doesn't know if they're normal. and he doesn't know how to tell anyone about it either, how to express it or talk about in the right way.

because he's so so scared of being made fun of, or being alone; of being told off, or being weird. and sometimes it makes him so sad, because he doesn't always know how to stop - he's so quick to respond wth his scripts that he forgets to think about what he really thinks, really feels. and he can't stop.

to unmask, at times, most times, feels herculean - to show someone who you really are? that feels impossible. terrifying. to ask for time to think? to risk saying something wrong? being honest feels deeply unnatural somehow - to be honest about how he feels, what he thinks, what he needs. he just, he's never done that before...

so when he's navigating these people, these relationships he so so cares about. with Robin and Eddie and Dustin and Hopper, even.

this is the slew of feelings he has to wade through when trying to be close to them, to keep them, to do what they ask of him. this is what he has to work through. and sometimes, sometimes they act as if it's so easy. as if it is so easy to say the honest truth when asked 'what's up?' or 'what do you think?' or 'what do you want?'

that's not easy, its never been easy. and it makes him feel like a freak once he realises it should be.

-

yeah idk that got kind of sad, sorry. but like. this is where I imagine him, when you get to the good, lovely, cozy, wonderful parts. I just, I think this is the thing, my lovely wonderful high high high masking Steve - this is what he's going through to get to the good. and its hard.

[itslikesearcingforsomething]

(I’m an adult). Ok so I recently realized I’m gay. Which is great and wonderful and happy. I don’t have to date women and I don’t want to. I don’t like them like I like men. I’m very happy with this.

But I have this female friend, A, that it feels like I have a crush on. Like I get smiley and blushy just talking or thinking about her even if I’m alone. I like spending time with her way more than any of my other friends too. And I get butterflies thinking about her.

But I still feel slightly uncomfortable at the idea of kissing A and extremely uncomfortable at the idea of anything else like sex. I am somewhere on the aspec though so it might just be that? But I know that if she was a man I wouldn’t feel quite so uncomfortable. But then again, I did date a man for a short time, only like a few weeks, and I also felt uncomfortable at the thought of kissing him, so this might entirely be the aspec thing.

I also just don’t want to date her. Especially because the idea of dating a man feels infinitely more exciting and that doesn’t feel fair to her. But I still feel these crush-y feelings about her. I don’t know if she picks up on the vibe or likes me or anything but still, every time we hang out it feels l’m leading her on bc I’m naturally flirty around her. I don’t like how I treat her. When I want to date her, I’m texting her and inviting her over all the time, but when I decide I don’t care I literally forget about her.

My other friend said I could just ID as a bisexual who’s more into men but that doesn’t really feel right. I don’t feel comfortable saying I’m bi when I’d never want to date a woman.

TLDR I think I’m gay but I kind of have a crush on A and I’m not sure how to deal with that. Mostly I’m trying to figure out how to make sense of these conflicting feelings about her and not end up treating her Mileveny.

okay, this is very interesting. thank you for being honest and upfront!

i actually understand this so much, dude. first i wanted to say that you definitely shouldn’t give A rollercoaster experience, doesn’t matter if you’re just friends, cmon. i know you feel bad ab it, so it’s better to fix this before it’s too late, cause friends are important.

i think you shouldn’t pressure yourself into anything ever, don’t stress yourself more than needed for sure, you’re already going through it. man, sexuality and attraction is so weird, it really does fuck w the head. you feeling not so exited about kissing in general may be a sign of being ace or that you’re at least not ready for these things. honestly, so valid. no matter what gender they are, you don’t have to do certain things just because everyone does. also, you don’t have to date anyone if you don’t want to, really, if someday you’ll feel like that girl crush got big, you’ll probably be able to know do you want to do it w her or not.

also, you can feel crush-y without actually having a crush, sometimes we’re just flirty and playful and feel things because we’re people and god, this is so complicated but it’s real. it’s sad that we have to put every relationship in a box :(

i really hope you’ll know soon for sure what it is that you feel for her, please remember not to pressure yourself and treat your girl right! all the love <3

[azsazz]

omg BABE congraaats! SO excited for u 👏 I absolutely adored Midnight Muse, so even though a small part of me wants to hoard and gatekeep our precious fic in this fandom, you deserve the success and recognition, and the world deserves good books! 💖

Remember us and remember where u came from when you blow up 🥹 luv uuuuu

now, some questions 4 u:

How was it to 'un-acotar-ize' the story, and find alternate names for everyone? Do you still picture the acotar characters in your mind in the new version? I'm curious what the rest of the changed names are apart from Quinn and Knox (which are awesome names btw), are the other changed names something you can share, or is that a secret? (it's fine if not, I'm just super curious 😁) Also, was 'Knox' a reference to one of Az's sons in your fic family tree?

Also, I notice it says "Book 1 of the Vulcan University series", are there plans for more? 👀

💙

Thank you so much!!! I know i wish we could gatekeep it here too but it was too good not to share with the world! The real ones will always know where midnight muse came from 💙💙

i could never forget any of you!! and you'll never get rid of me either 😈 hehehe. I love you too!! 🫶🏻

Honestly, it de-acotarizing it wasn't too bad. it was a little grating because i basically had to revise 120k 😭 and my version of revising that was literally retyping the entire thing because im a psycho and can't just fix up paragraphs haha. but the plot did get some work after all of the feedback i received and i thinks its even better than it was!! There's def still some subtle acotar hints tbh (maybe to the point where i'm worried it might be a lil obvious but whatevs) but gotta let em know my roots lol

hmmm finding names was kind of a mix of easy and hard for me. i've always wanted to use the name knox because i really like it as we all know so i went with him bcs i love it. it's slightly a reference to the son i made for him, but if you've read the knox x reader fic there's something that i do want to use his (my?) canon (or is it fanon? no idea) character with a variation of the name (so excited about). but that's for when i attempt writing a fantasy so idk when that will happen, there's much more thought that has to go into that than my lil romance 💙 but yeah we love knoxie in any form 💙

sometimes i do picture the characters when im writing...it's surprisingly mostly cass i think about or slip up when i'm talking about it irl 😂 but they mostly have their own personalities now and i adore them all so much!

I would LOVE to share the other character names!! So we have Quinn (absolutely love this name tbh) and Knox obviously 💙💙💙 Then we have Ace (which would be Rhysand's character in the fanfic), Rory - Quinn's best friend and roommate. Then we have Slate (😂 always cracks me up) for Cassian's character, and Reid for Luciens character. Mandy was Mor but only makes a brief appearance! Those are pretty much the main characters for the series 💙

There are plans for more...hehehe...i might be well into writing the second one as we speak, but the goal is to have four books in this series!

thank you for the questions these were so exciting and fun to talk about 🥰💙

[larkiethings]

okay I voiced these opinions which is why I’m confident enough to write them bc I’ve gotten my thoughts in order

I feel like part of the reason that apollo justice falls a little bit flat is that it plays things too close to the chest and doesn’t have enough conflict throughout most of the game. It has a great plot and it comes together beautifully in the final case, but I don’t think you get enough nuggets of it before said final case, and there’s not enough alternative plot to keep you going. Let me get into it, big spoilers ahead for the end of the game obvs

so this is the second time I’ve played this game, the first time was…idk sometime between 2018 or 2019, and honestly it felt kind of forgettable? Which on one hand was nice on the replay because I had to genuinely figure most things out and could experience the game like new, but on the other hand doesn’t speak to great story if I can forget most of it in 6 years (although as a side note so much of my brain was taken up by my horrible job that it’s definitely not all the game’s fault, I was being abused at the time). One of the things that really stood out to me was how Klavier Gavin is so different from previous prosecutors, and how it was both interesting and boring at the same time

the thing about Klavier is that he’s the most chill prosecutor we’ve seen so far. Which is weird considering that he’s an egotistical diva of a rock star, and he can be a bit of an ass, but he doesn’t have a personal vendetta about winning the way that the von karma brand of prosecutors is. He IS a perfectionist, as a prosecutor and a musician, but he wants to have a perfect case, not a perfect win record - and to him, a perfect case means seeing justice and putting the correct criminal behind bars, not beating the defense. There are several times when he actually helps Apollo, by stalling for time or by asking for additional testimony when Apollo can’t find fault, so that together they uncover the truth.

and on one hand this is really refreshing! The von karma family really left a strong impression on the games and painted prosecutors as these intense, unflinching, unfailing, MEAN people, and yeah Godot wasn’t a von karma but he was so condescending and phoenix is so used to having to battle everything out that it felt very similar. Klavier is condescending sometimes, but again, he’s more helpful than anything else. Which when I think about it, that’s nice! It’s a nice bit of contrast to earlier games, it ties in with the themes of the game (finding hope in the future of the legal system despite its flaws), and idk it’s just a kind of nice change of pace

so why is it so boring????

I feel like the thing is that there’s not enough conflict. The main conflict of the game is between phoenix and kristoph, and it happens mostly off screen. You get little tastes of it, and that mystery is intriguing, but for the vast majority of the game the conflict has to come from other places - mostly from Apollo’s inability to talk to his clients, whether because they’re uncooperative (wocky) or unable to speak English (machi) or cripplingly shy (Vera). The clients are also a bit of a departure from previous games in that these clients aren’t exactly innocent either - wocky is a trigger happy gangster, machi a smuggler, Vera a forger. But again, this conflict isn’t as front and center, because you can’t! Talk to them! And you’re not getting enough conflict from your main opponent in court because he cares about justice! And he usually comes around pretty quickly to the idea that your clients aren’t murderers and helps you get the real murderer!

now. I do think the big overarching plot was interesting. I loved lamiroir and the complicated family history. I eat family history shit up. Which is why I would have loved for more of a look into the Gavins!

again, Klavier is condescending and egotistical in court, but he’s also kind of charming, and he’s barely an antagonist. I think if we had gotten more of a look at their family history, that would have made this game WAY more interesting. We know that the case with Zak Gramarye was Klavier’s first one, and it was kind of implied that Kristoph was going to use the case to get more fame and prestige for both of them, but we’re also…not really sure how much Klavier knew about Kristoph’s plans, how he felt about Kristoph getting booted from the case, how he felt about his brother going to prison. Did he want the help from his brother, or did he want to stand on his own? He was already a successful rocker. He did grow out his hair to match his brother’s style, which seems like he looks up to Kristoph at least a little, but also he must have felt betrayed because he cares SO MUCH about justice and Kristoph so LITTLE. Did he know this from the beginning? Is this why he became a prosecutor in the same way phoenix became a defense attorney, but inverted? Did he want to prosecute as a way to stop his brother’s corrupt power grabs? they’re really the main foils of the game, and imo it would have been way more interesting if he had been slightly better friends with Apollo so we could get a look into that. The internal conflict! The betrayal! The drama!

And Apollo would be over there trying to figure out how he fits into it, maybe talk about the law in general and how prosecutors and attorneys both play important roles. Perhaps being conflicted himself as he challenges his own thoughts about law, wondering how he can be such a good friend with his opponent, maybe getting into his own past a little bit as an orphan??? What was his life like growing up??? Obviously this wouldn’t be SUPER out in the open, like I’m thinking back to the original game level of phoenix’s backstory hints, it doesn’t have to be overwhelming. But it might have been nice to have something.

anyway. Those are my thoughts. I really like the game conceptually, but the actual gameplay often feels like wandering around just wondering wtf happened to phoenix wright that he got disbarred and is now just slouching around in a hoodie raising a teenager and then being shoved into unrelated bullshit. I do think it was a really bold move to do that, and I did like getting to see phoenix from the outside - so much of what we know about him is internal, he really hates talking about his feelings to other people, and it was cool to see things from a new perspective. BUT again the pacing felt like…kinda flat kinda flat kinda okay BIG DRAMA REVEAL and like. Idk the big reveal felt somewhat disconnected from a lot of what happened before, at least emotionally. And I can see why people would turn that into hating Apollo (bc he’s only tenuously connected to everything in a last minute plot twist what is he even doing here) or hating the way phoenix is written (bc he hates talking about his feelings so we the players don’t get to see them) or the plot (bc it’s not tied into enough of the game). I feel like the INGREDIENTS are there. It’s just a liiiiittle bit off of what I want it to be. And it could be fixed by seeing into Klavier’s thoughts and emotions just a little bit more

[flooficandii]

thats got me thinking actually . i havent rly had the energy nor the interest to update nuniq's doc to include interactions w/ the newest agents . including harbor and tjats literally her boyfriend lmao 😭😭😭😭 but anyway lemme make some poorly drawn depictions of what nuniq thinks of the newer agents (starting from clove to gekko)

clove

honestly. nuniq wasnt too jazzed about the idea of hiring a kid (grown adult but theyre a kid to her), especially an untrained one . she understands they might have a link to omen going rogue but is still iffy about the whole situation

also oof. the whole immortality thing? yeah it must be a lot to bear for clove, theyre just very good at hiding it. but like with a lot of the young radiants, nuniq lets them know they can approach her about this stuff bc shes been through it too

she can admit she gets pissed at clove bc their immortality causes them to make more reckless decisions on the field . she wants to get it in their head that you still have to be smart about these things no matter how much power you have

but! she thinks clove is very nice. very silly very sweet guy who is an excellent storyteller. storytelling is very intertwined in both nuniq and clove's cultures so she loves listening to whatever clove can whip up

clove has probably dragged her into dnd at least once

she took a while to grasp it but thats ok shes trying her best

anyway yeah clove talks a lot and sometimes nuniq cant understand them so she has to ask them to slow down

iso

valorant hired him because he was a kingdom killer and nuniq was ALL FOR THAT !!!!

she can tolerate the cocky smug little shit thing bc hes professional at least

hes not very hard to work with and is very cunning and calculating. nuniq likes that

iso has most definitely heard about nuniq before and was surprised to see her alive bc a lot of media made it seem she was dead to quell the uprisings against kingdom

nuniq is fascinated by iso's radiance but it definitely makes her think about how fast and how complex the concept of radiance itself is evolving . to think he could create his own pocket dimension with prismatic energy

besides that i feel like they mostly mind their own business

theres a mutual respect for eachothers skill and grit and they just *nods*

deadlock

like the thing says. theres currently some weird tension between deadlock and nuniq rn (and its surprisingly not gay)

theyre both so cold its kinda hard for either of them to approach eachother

deadlock is. working on her relationship with gekkos creatures! which nuniq appreciates

but idk nuniq never forgets anything and its hard for her to get over the fact she almost killed wingman multiple times

+ proposed awful countermeasures to keep the radivores in check

yk that one headcanon someone made about gekkos friendliness and critters winning over a lot of the protocol?

and how they immediately had beef w deadlock because of it?

yeah thats the situation with nuniq

things have simmered down with the creature situation but nuniq mostly ignores deadlock outside of work

and frankly i think deadlock's scared of nuniq too so

gekko

last but not least GEKKO !!!!

nuniq loves gekko!!! hes so silly

hes fun and lighthearted while still being a good fighter

being around gekko makes nuniq feel. Friendlier idk how else to describe it

also his critters have 100% stolen her heart sometimes she asks to babysit wingman when gekkos busy

she has had to apologize for aput using dizzy as a chew toy though

gekko has dyed nuniqs hair temporarily; it was northern lights-colored streaks that looked really cool when braided, she kept it for about a month until it washed out

overall she thinks hes very sweet and she and reyna can get along over being protective of him

anyway yeah i think thats every agent so far after harbor! wow !!! i cant believe we've already made it this far to agent 25 .. and agent 8 still hasnt been revealed yet i love valorant lore (tired

[utopiastri]

Fic Writer Interview!!!

tagged by @1425fivefive (forever ago, whoops!) and @miamimaiden

(this was such a funny ask game bc i did mostly end up discussing my F1 fics but I also have a Number of musicals fics on my ao3 so those do also crop up in my answers lmao)

How many works do you have on AO3?

10 in total!!! 4 F1 fics so far though

What's your total AO3 word count?

62,635 apparently (mostly being driven by one of those aforementioned musicals fics lmao)

What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

who actually texts people this much (3,076) (again. the musicals fic)

you must like me for me (646)

tell me 'bout the first time you saw me (508)

you're always on my team (464)

and i'll learn how to fly (253)

ok other than the obvious outlier at the top, i'm thrilled that my four F1 fics are the ones that have made it into the top 5 because they are undeniably the ones i'm proudest of right now

insane to me how many people have liked you're always on my team!!! i was a little nervous about posting my first chaptered fic in a while and i'm so happy it got such a lovely reception

Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

yes!!! oh my god i love responding to comments as much as i love leaving comments myself!!!

the only thing with this is that i do find myself forgetting to actually put time aside in my day to do it!!! so sometimes, about two weeks after i read a comment and internally squealed about it, i'll go "oh FUCK i didn't reply that comment" and sprint to my laptop

so, uh, if you've ever received a late comment reply from me? now you know why lmao

What's the fic you've written with the angstiest ending?

oh god um. none of them? i guess the one abandoned fic on my ao3 account (a she-ra fic from 2018 lmao) has the angstiest ending by virtue of the fic not being finished and no resolution being reached lmao

but genuinely i don't think i could ever write a fic with an angsty ending!!! i think at best i could plot an angty ending??? or maybe write a drabble or something??? but honestly, i really struggle reading angsty endings so it would be a rogue move to write one lmao

What's the fic you've written with the happiest ending?

ooooooo excellent question

honestly any of my finished F1 fics probably work but i think i'll go with you must like me for me! truly one of my favourite brands of happy ending is a reciprocated love confession and (not to spoil the fic lmao) that might be one of my favourite ones i've ever done!

Do you write crossovers?

nope!!!

Have you ever received hate on a fic?

oooo once upon a time i received a comment on that musicals fic, who actually texts people this much, that was fairly harsh on the writing??? the worst part was enough time had passed since i'd written the fic and i'd honestly reached the part of the writing cycle where i hated everything about it so i almost agreed with the commenter lmao

even today, i think the critique was accurate! but perhaps not a polite/kind thing to comment on someone's fic lmao

Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

i'm trying to!!! i haven't posted any yet

i am terrible at describing things (including like. physical movement) so, so far, any smut i've attempted to write has been fairly dialogue-heavy!!! but honestly that's generally my taste in smut so i think this tracks

Have you ever had a fic stolen?

nope!

Have you ever had a fic translated?

that musicals texting fic has been translated somewhere on the internet! one of my friends in uni dug it up lmao

Have you ever co-written a fic before?

never co-written before! i am a huge fan of brainstorming fics with my friends though! either their fics or mine - i just love the collaboration of it all!!!

What's your all-time favorite ship?

god this is difficult!!! my taste in ships moves around all the time to be honest

ok for F1, it's fairly easy - landoscar do unfortunately possess my entire heart and there is very little i can do about that lmao

other than that? i do have to mention how much i still adore the les mis pairing enjolras/grantaire because i did spend a good portion of my teenage years thinking about them and only them lmao

and i spent many a year in steve/bucky from the mcu hell so i guess it's important that that goes on here too!

What's a WIP that you want to finish but don't think you ever will?

so many!!! in particular though, i would love to one day finish the first ever landoscar fic i ever worked on (the idea was that oscar and lando are friends with benefits but, through miscommunication shenanigans, have somehow never kissed lmao)

i think i'd just really enjoy the full circle moment of getting to finish that first wip!

What are your writing strengths?

dialogue!!! dialogue my beloved! my favourite thing i have ever written is the unreciprocated love confession scene in you must like me for me - writing a dramatic not-argument/discussion was just so tailored to my strengths of writing dialogue and not much else lmao

there's a reason i'm having so much fun with you're always on my team! and it's because what is a texting fic if not a fic made only of dialogue!!!

What are your writing weaknesses?

description!!!!!! tell me 'bout the first time you saw me was a delight to write but truly i don't know if i could do a first meeting fic again because trying to work out how a stranger would describe oscar piastri was a NIGHTMARE

What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic?

as someone who can only speak english, i simply don't have a good enough understanding of any other language to do it without defaulting to like. terrible google translate

i think it can be fun to read though!!! it depends what effect the author is going for tbh

What was the first fandom you wrote for?

...glee (i wasn't even that into glee!!! my two best friends at the time were though so i wrote a couple things i thought they'd enjoy lmao)

What's a fandom/ship you haven't written for yet but want to?

galex!!! i don't know if i could do it but i really really want to one day - if only because my girlfriend's sister adores them and i think it would be fun to write something for her!

although i have also been pondering gax a lot with @jusst-you-race!!! so maybe i should throw gax in here too

What's your favorite fic you've written?

you must like me for me undoubtedly. it's the most complete fic i think i've ever written in that there's a clear plot with a clear resolution and, as i said earlier, that unreciprocated love confession/first kiss scene is genuinely my favourite thing i have written of anything ever!!!

it was also the first fic i'd posted in nearly 6 years!!! and i'm so glad i felt happy enough with it to share it because i've just had the most wonderful time in this fandom since doing so!!!

i cannot for the life of me remember who has done this so no pressure tagging @ipleadbritney and @jusst-you-race and anyone else who wants to do this!!!

[bruhhhh-huhhhhh]

first off, i’m special so these aren’t closed for me 😍.

okay i’m like 5’5 i think… dunno.

glasses, medium length brown hair, it’s like two inches above my shoulders, i have a biting problem.

i cannot leave unless i am wearing my converse, no other shoes.

i wear the same outfit everyday, jeans, tshirt, hoodie and converse.

i take way to many photos of the people i love, i looove cooking.

i have both daddy and mommy issues.

i don’t like headphones only earbuds? earphones? (idk help)

i fucking love pink, purple and green.

hmmmmmmmm, i have to listen to music if i’m not at home (i listen to music there too)

i do unfortunately enjoy the taste of cigarettes.

i’m terrified of touch but crave it.

is this good 😰?

fuck yeah boiiiiiii

(id like to formally apologize for that)

Oklay anyway for Overwatch I match you with...

Junkrat

Honestly my boy loves how much shorter than him you are

Don't worry though he won't make fun of you for it

not too much anyway

everything he buys you is pink, purple, or green after you tell him those are your favorite colors

offers to do your top surgery (don't let him he'll use bombs)

he doesn't get your obsession with converse (neither do i, buddy. neither do i) but he'll get them for you anyway

sometimes forgets how much touch scares you

it takes roadhog telling him off for jumping on you for him to get it

he'll be more careful after that

He loves posing for your pictures

no shame at all

will also let you take nudes of him but anyway thats for later

please cook for him he never has time to eat normal food

compliments your cooking all the time

he will get on his hands and knees and beg for you to cook for him bc its so good

also has a biting problem

likes to nibble on your shoulders

has broken your glasses at least once and roadhog had to fix them for you

and for Resident Evil I match you with...

Chris and Leon!

(i couldn't pick one LOL)

Best cure for daddy issues tbh

They both smoke I'm pretty sure, so you'll definitely get your taste of cigarettes when you kiss them

Leon would definitely help you cook dinner

Chris, meanwhile, is banned from the kitchen because he can't cook to save his life

no one can tell me otherwise

anyway

Leon would definitely try and get you to branch out your outfits a little more, but Chris honestly finds your outfits cool as fuck

mostly because he wishes he could pull that off all the time

You have the best photos of the two of them arguing or doing stupid shit

Because they literally never stop arguing or doing stupid shit

Leon supplies your music addiction while Chris sits there and tries to talk to you, not realizing you have your headphones in

I'm talking full ass conversation that only stops when Leon tells him that you're listening to music and can't hear him

They never speak of it

Leon does use it as embarrassment fuel for whenever you aren't around

anyway thats all i got hope this is good idk im half alseep rn

[criphd]

adventures in developing a short term writing routine notes & practices :

[i returned to this ask response from julia @northwindow abt creating a writing routine to help me w this bc it was a rly great answer !]

my working days are sunday, monday, wednesday & thursday (unless im too spoonless to work) so i sort of plan to write & edit on all of them at this point. i might develop a more specific routine where some days i dont write at all &/or maybe days where i'm editing things i've already written.... but this is in development & wld obvs change depending on if i have a deadline imminently.

30 minute free writing time is the least amount i aim for what i write in a day - but it doesn't have to be all at once [bc my capacity to concentrate sometimes does not work for any longer then 10 or so mins !] but i definitely on some days i go for much much longer than that

marking down ideas whenever they strike me & sifting thru them for prompts when i am sititng down to do some actual writing

trying to get some reading done without being so precious about being At My Best illness wise !! its okay to not remember or get all of it in one go/have to return/reread/whatever/ blah blah

working in different places - but mostly just at my desk at home, nd at my desk on campus (i need good chairs!!). but if i get bored i shouldn't forget i can book a study room in the library ! or work in a cafe (this isn't especially easy for me tho but it could be a nice change for a short time)

sending out a draft to one of the lovely ppl who look over things for me before shabbos so i can take a total break whilst its being mulled over by someone else.

writing in response to a quotation / using it as a prompt / if i'm stuck

also i honestly love to eat lunch whilst working.... so eating lunch at my desk whilst my word doc/etc are open :)

i also wanna try :

seeing how many words i can write in 52 minutes & then have a 17 minute break after (hopefully whilst eating a tangerine) ... (i dont kno why i just think it would be right!!!)

[woodland-knight]

Almost 11pm thoughts…

I know I’ve said to many people that I’ve been burnt out physically and emotionally, but I’ve never really opened up about it a lot due to the fear of being shut down or feeling like a terrible person for having feelings I want/need to express.

Maybe it was because my autism was left undiagnosed for almost 28 years of my life, or maybe it’s something entirely unrelated, but I’ve developed a shell around myself bc I’ve made mistakes and been beat into the ground over and over for them with no end in sight. I’ve only ever stood up for myself in person once recently, yet I still cried bc I was scared of retaliation.

There’s been other times where I’ve stood up for myself in a text conversation, but it seems like no matter what I try, I always mess up and never learn from past mistakes. Sometimes it feels like I have to become the guilty party just because feelings have been hurt out of my need to express my own.

I think the most impactful factor towards my burnout is thar from the beginning of 2021 and through mid 2023, I was extremely overworked at my previous job. I found no joy in the things I loved doing, as I was getting home and immediately had no energy but to rot and stare at my phone, and then eventually I’d forget everything until the next day came around. I was working 5-7 days in a row, sometimes 14+ hour shifts, and having to do the cashier work of three people. All the shifts I had where I was scheduled for half days never stayed half days, and I was miserable and having no luck landing a new job.

Only reason I got out was because last year the company went bankrupt and all the stores closed. They treated us like shit in the end too and gave us no compensation, so we all just stopped caring. I remember on my last day I yelled at a disrespectful customer because they, a person who never worked retail, was telling me to manually calculate the discount on each item they were buying and put in those prices by hand because our system went down. They said that’s what they’d do in my position, but as they said they never worked retail, a switch flipped in my head and yelled at them. What was the company going to do? Fire me on the second to last day before we shut down completely?

And then the mass of depression of my unemployment hit about a month later, and I struggled to hold it together. I was scared of losing the few things that were making me happy by finishing them, and at some point I just… Lost all of that joy anyway and shelved my happiness.

But during the entirety of these times, I barely did anything. I can probably count the games I actually beat on two hands, and the others I barely started or never touched would need a lot more than that.

Looking back though, I did manage to post a chunk of fics from 2021 to 2023, but 2024 barely had anything. It was mostly WIPs that I abandoned partway through because I lost steam.

Now, it has only been four months since my last published fic, but to give a better idea of how out of character it is for me personally, that is the longest stretch it’s been without my posting something since 2021.

And don’t even get me started on art.

Within the past few years, I’ve rapidly declined in how much art I draw for myself, and there’s only a few I actually finish. In the past 3 years, I can only think of three non-commission (and also not counting stylized pieces) I finished and remain proud of… And I drew much more than that.

And then there’s the fact I always feel like I’m sharing to an empty audience.

Reading over my friend Sugar’s thoughts on her own personal burnout, she honestly hits the nail on the head when she says “I’ve just felt a huge decline in feeling like it’s worth it; because when I do post my stuff I’m in the void!”. Like I get in some places the algorithm can push you down, but even when there isn’t one, I stare into the void looking for something, but only the void stares back.

I just want somebody, somewhere, to say something about the things they like about what I do. Even the simple acknowledgment of it existing is better than nothing at all. I want somebody to see how hard I work.

After struggling with all of this for four years, I’ve become tired of everything. Therapy and psychiatric meds do help, but my energy is still so far gone that even today I’m working to recover what I used to have.

I think I’ve made some great steps towards my happiness by pushing my artistic skill, working to beat games I’ve left incomplete, and keeping a progress report for myself every week, but there’s still more to be done. I can set as many goals for myself as I want, but they only mean something if I work towards them instead of putting things off. Even if they aren’t reached, at least I would have tried.

I miss the joy and motivation I had a decade ago, back when I was doing Bravely (and eventually Octopath) works, and I’d like to get those feelings back before I reach my 30s.

In the end, I can only hope 2025 treats me with kindness and that I keep pushing myself to do better, just so I don’t fall back into despair and make the same mistakes over and over again. I want a rest. I want to lift the weight off my shoulders. I want to be able to speak and stand up for myself.

I just want to be myself again.

[in-the-nighttime]

okay I feel so embarrassed for asking (and idk if you even write for him so feel free to ignore) but ... Rommel nsfw headcanons? I imagine him to be quite soft and loving usually but when it comes to any specifics of what he's into my mind goes blank, I'm just curious about someone else's thoughts on him

don’t be embarrassed!!! i have definitely thought about this in depth before too lol. rommel is so cute actually

- okay so first of all this is kind of random but it’s not exactly sexual so i’ll get it out here first. for some reason that i can’t even pin down at all i think he would really enjoy brushing his partners hair. or like. other little things like this such as folding their pajamas on the bed for when they get home or making them a little snack for before bed. just like little surprise acts of care. Sweet little guy ..

- after any kind of sexual activity he would immediately want to cuddle. he will forget that you both probably need a shower and some water and will just grab you. he’d really enjoy little sweet conversations after and would be flattered by how much his voice soothes you

- really into having his hands somewhere on you at all times during sex. like, hand-holding, holding your face, your torso, etc.

- i agree that he’s mostly going to be slow and gentle and sensual and all that, but it just makes the moments when he’s faster and rougher even more interesting. those moments would be rare, but sometimes when he’s almost finished i’d imagine he makes intense eye contact and just gives it his all. then he kisses his partners forehead a copious amount of times after

- i honestly think he’d be a little shy about receiving oral, he’d be like… Awww you don’t have to do that it’s okay! but if you wanted to he’d let you and he would make eye contact the whole time, with a hand in his face, slowly but surely getting more into it, and at the end he’s making soft little pants and whines with his hand in your hair. Hot

- i’m so sorry for the life of me i can’t visualize what his little Panzer looks like .. but actually i can. pretty average size, points up a little, paler than the rest of him, uncut, (SORRY 😅😅)

- i honestly don’t think he would have any standout non-standard turn-ons or kinks, he’s kind of a gentleman. but he’d like things like his partner dressing up for him in cute little outfits definitely. and he’d be bashful about it but he would also like when his partner is being extra affectionate towards him and giving him lots of compliments. like he’d be into praise but not really in the usual way praise is said? like if you tell him how much you like what he’s doing with you he’d be over the moon.

- anyhow i fear i might have not been specific enough with this but he’s just hard to write about for anything other than sweet gentle loving sex bc Look at him. He works so hard and he should come home to being pampered.

- side note i’d completely tower over him but im still attracted to him. and id want to be , uh, the bottom still. which i think is actually kind of an interesting dynamic. we need more tall bottom short top things happening in this world

[koukouture]

Random HCs abt command but specifically Hassen and Nikola

Note: “Command” just sort of refers to the people who hand out missions. So Celica, Asimov, Nikola and Hassen

Okay okay so Nikola very obviously Slavic coded, I think Russian bc he’s immune to the cold lol like in Luna’s interlude he’s watching Lucia train in the snow in nothing but a SUIT. That out of the way

A friend suggested that Hassen is Pakistani American and honestly? I can get behind that. I do think he’s only half tho bc this guy is a white man 💀 I’m sorry but being raised in an orphanage did not help him.

Nobody in command can cook. Absolutely nobody. Except for Celica. Bc that girl can do everything

I also think that Celica can speak like five different languages. She’s just built like that

I think it’d be funny if Celica is trying to explain something and she just blanks and forgets how to explain it in all five languages.

Nikola gains an accent when he’s really angry. It’s like a scale the angrier he gets the more Russian he gets. (idk but personally I gain a weird Filipino accent when I’m frustrated does this happen to anyone else?) If anyone hears him yelling in Russian they better hide because Nikola does not yell

Oh yeah and on that, I don’t think Nikola yells. Yes he’s very menacing and scary and you know when he’s mad, but he never yells. And it’s because he has a nice, tight lid and control over his emotions. Basically you REALLY have to screw up in order for him to yell at you.

Hassen is scary for a different reason and that is that he’s super patient. When he’s mad he’s twice as a scary because once again, you have to really fuck up. He can tolerate A LOT but the scariest thing in the world is an angry Hassen because it’s probably very justifiable

I think this is somewhat in part to him actually being rather cunning. I think he can be quite manipulative as well and that’s where he gets the patience from

Asimov canonically having an attitude is kinda funny to me. Everyone else is stepping on eggshells around the president and commander but Asimov’s unhinged ass is out here like “Uh yeah, so here’s the thing; you’re fucking wrong”

I think the little nerd is feisty and he’s a a little smug about it because he knows that he’s usually right

I genuinely think Hassen and Nikola are friends. You can pry this from my cold dead hands but they’ve known each other forever and they are both the leaders of the Kurono hate club. They trust each other so much I just know it

Nikola has siblings and they’re all high ranking Kurono members

Nikola strikes me as a rich boy that was funnelled into politics and shady business by his parents. Idk he gives that vibe

Asimov has a sweet tooth. Maybe because it helps him stay awake idk.

Hassen keeps alcohol in his office. It’s not even like a nice wine or anything it’s just cheap beer

Asimov has a dark sense of humour. I just feel like he cracks some very out of pocket jokes sometimes

I know Hassen is good with kids it is written all over him

I like to think that surprisingly, Asimov is too. Hey, kids LOVE cool science he would be a neat baby sitter and they’d make one of those little baking sofa volcanoes or smth

Celica is not. She has no idea how to deal with the little suckers but they all like her anyways bc funny lady say funny words

I’m sorry but Nikola is last place here I don’t think he can deal with kids at all 💀 I feel like it could mostly be rooted in his guilt from helping Kurono get actual children to experiment on. Yeah he just cannot with children. He doesn’t hate them though

Anyways that was it for today’s episode of Kou’s Delusions hope you enjoyed it!

[sweet-milky-tea705]

RANDOM OC QUESTIONS REG( @bananacockatiel ) ASKED LIKE 2 YEARS AGO LETS GO.

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What does your oc smell like?

Mollie smells like leather/smoke, but also a little floral bc she uses scented soap.

Yasenia smells herbal and earthy. Ts yasenia smells the same but smellier bc shes in touchstarved

Ocs fave food?

Mollie likes bourbon chicken or anything adjacent over rice.

Yasenia likes pretty much any stew or curry with steak in it

what stereotypical clique would your oc fall into in highschool

Mollie would be a big gossip lol. But also in athletics so idk?? Jock ? Is that what this question means ?

Yasenia would be a nerd. But also very liked by the people around her bc shes sweet. Definitely was more introverted back then though

relationship experience?

Mollie has a lot of relationship experience. In terms of serious ones though ? Not a whole lot. Shes also like 43 though so LOL

Yasenia has a little relationship experience. She was left hurt a lot, so she tends to steer away from getting too close emotionally, especially ts yasenia

what's the favorite flower of your mc??

Mollie: magnolia/hydrangeas

Yasenia: forget-me-nots/blueberry blossoms

your oc's fave body part of theirs

Mollie: she really likes her back, gotta flex in the mirror before she gets in the shower LOL

Yasenia: she lovesss her tail so much(dnd) and ts yasenia really likes her hair. The whole curse thing has made it hard to think about parts of herself she actually likes

what is the meaning of your oc name? Or what is the reference/motivation behind their name?

Mollie: uh. The drug. The inspo was in fact molly bc i wanted her to be a kinda trashy possum lesbian. Which she is and i love her. Her character has changed a lot since then though

Yasenia: i made it up. Sorta. I wanted a name with a Y and i made her very quickly so i used a site and then changed some letters or something

what's their love language and why

Mollie: acts of service and physical touch !!! She loves to make things and do little things for people and she also is just really physically affectionate

Yasenia: honestly same as mollie. Ts yasenia is less touch oriented though for obvious reasons

Oc's relationship with family?

Mollie: bad. Her mom is dead, dad left, and little brother is kinda busy and withdrawn

Yasenia: good. parents are alive, no siblings, she loves them a lot but they have their troubles sometimes. She feels like they wont ever fully accept her curse(dnd) and yasenia feels like theyre rejecting a core part of her. She doesnt want a cure. Overall good though. Ts yasenia never met her parents so…

Who are the most important people (or person singular) to your oc?

Mollie: for a long time it was (LL) tari and mollie’s brother since he was her only remaining family but over time when he got his bearings and left, she kinda kept to herself. Then after tari cheated, it got worse. Then elowen came into the picture and its elowen final answer.

Yasenia: Her parents, (dnd)mentor, and (dnd) tari are the most important to her. For touchstarved though ? Shes on her own completely. Never met her parents and due to her curse she couldnt get close to anyone except the alchemist mentor who betrayed her.

((Edit: yasenia's tari is her own character now named azalea sorry for confusion))

If you met your oc irl would you get along?

If i met any of my ocs in person i would shit myself. But assuming i wasnt aware i made them and we were strangers, yeah totally. Theyre both social and compassionate people, not hard to get along with.

Oc's hobbies?

Mollie has a lot of hobbies ! She does leatherworking, blacksmithing, baking, some light woodwork, fitness stuff and weapons training,,, and being gay in taverns.

Yasenia is a magic user in both universes and mostly does that stuff. Her dnd magic is more faith and herbal based. Healing magic and whatnot mostly. Her alchemy stuff in touchstarved is different. She knows how to make and recognize poison but also little protection spells and such. Her mentor sucked

what's a lie that they tell the most?

Mollie’s is probably that she doesnt care. She tells it to herself more than anyone. Also that she didnt mean to do something she absolutely did on purpose.

Yasenia’s is hard. Shes very honest and vocal about everything. Cant lie easily at all. But her main one Is probably saying that shes not worried

specifically for the OCs with siblings, what's their sibling dynamic?

Mollie is the bully older sister who also protects her brother at all costs. Theres a 5 year gap between them so its a given

Yasenia has no siblings but in dnd she would play with the kids at the cave village thing. Her snow leopard thing made it fun. She had a very playful dynamic with the kids there and many of them see her as an older sister

favorite drink ?

Mollie likes ciders !! Like spiced apple and stuff. Preferably spiked

Yasenia likes teas of all kinds, she hasnt tried cider ^ but she would love it. Tea is her fav though

how are they with kids?

Both are good, neither really want kids though.

Can your oc cook? if so, what's their favorite dish to make?

Mollie can !! She likes to make soup and desserts bc theyre the most fun. Her fav food is still bourbon chicken though.

Yasenia cant cook. Like at all. She can mix potions and alchemical compounds and stuff with ease but you will never see someone fuck up an easy dish as well as her.

what is their best childhood memory?

Mollie: she used to catch frogs and play in the woods a lot as a kid before moving to porrima. Always covered in an insane amount of mud and leaves. She liked to try and make things out of sticks like lizard houses and swords and castles. Those were very happy days

Yasenia: she would run through the mountain valleys in her snow leopard form a lot as a kid. She would come home covered in bits of plant and burrs, smelling like wildflowers, she remembers that the most. She liked to catch bugs a lot too. Her parents remember the horror of yasenia coming home with a live cicada in her mouth.