#honestly i do hope she's okay
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Since book 7 part 5 (the part where we meet Meleanor/Maleanor 👀) is coming to EN this month, i would love to see your take on lilia’s proposal to meleanor! i mean they were like little kids right? it couldn’t have been that serious…i think the only reason she even brought it up again is because she could tell lilia still genuinely loved her…(even if he didn’t realize it himself?) but, oh well! Let’s think about silly childhood shenanigans to numb the pain! ^_^ (orz)
oh shit?! get ready for a doozy guys, it's comiiiiiing ᕕ( ᐛ )ᕗ
I chickened out of posting the whole thing (look, I get VERY carried away when it comes to these wacky kids and their Tragedy), but I do believe that it probably ended with Lilia getting embarrassed and just shoving the first thing he sees into his mouth to try and cover for it.
(we're just lucky it wasn't a frog this time)
#art#twisted wonderland#twisted wonderland spoilers#twisted wonderland episode 7 spoilers#twisted wonderland book 7 spoilers#twisted wonderland episode 7 part 5 spoilers#twisted wonderland book 7 part 5 spoilers#please excuse the Dissertation that's about to happen (i have too much headcanon about them)#they've been ambiguous about most of the fae aging/developmental stages (plus lilia and mel's species age differently)#so this is entirely me assuming based on context#but i think that lilia being ~99 was probably about the equivalent of 9-10ish?#(i don't think his age maps perfectly onto 'human age times 10') (if only because i absolutely do not believe general lilia is 29)#(but in this case it feels right to me)#and i think of meleanor as being just slightly older (like ~11-12ish)#so like...kids but not LITTLE-little kids#so i think lilia was serious in a 'i have a huge crush on you and i haven't thought beyond that' kind of way#and meanwhile mel was more cognizant of how their dynamic was basically#lilia: i would die for you#meleanor: that's dumb#(lilia 600 years later: man she was right. that was dumb.)#but yeah I think she might've assumed (or hoped) he would grow out of it#except whoops oh no it just got worse#and then raverne made things MORE complicated and you know honestly maybe getting murdered was kind of a relief#meleanor in heaven: well at least he won't accidentally raise my kid to have the exact same -- are you kidding me#(i have too many thoughts to express properly i'm sorry) (i just. love these morons a lot okay.)
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Zenitsu agatsuma has got to be the biggest egg I have ever seen in my entire life
#demon slayer#kimetsu no yaiba#zenitsu agatsuma#nezuko kamado#there’s genuinely no way bro doesn’t have smth going on with his gender#nezukos bamboo necklace is chewlery btw hehe#I hope I was able to capture the expression of like#just genuine tender yearning#it’s something he’s always had the longing for but never quite understood where it came from#or even what it was#just a very empty hole in his body that he could only ever describe as self hatred and disgust even if he knew that wasn’t quite right#I think when they’re older nezuko would rlly help him like#get comfortable w the idea of actually exploring his identity#he’s spent so much of his life just truly and bitterly hating himself to the core#he couldn’t stomach the idea of thinking about who he was beyond the surface level#I think nezuko would make him feel so much more okay with himself and help try to get him to a point of at the very least knowing who he is#it’s a very long road that zenitsu really honestly isn’t sure if he’s comfortable with#but he can’t help but at least try#if not for himself but for the ache of the child inside himself who has so desperately longed for comfort and love and belonging#he wants to know that child who was so brutally outcasted could eventually find a home#he wants to believe there’s hope for himself#Zenko chan I love you so much#she is so important 2 me…..#sorry transed your zenitsu. no yeah we can’t undo it. yeah he’s a she now. sorry nothin I can do.
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#ALL POWER DEMANDS PAIN AND SACRIFICE: musings.#okay but this made me laugh so hard just because of how much it reminds me of misao JSJSJ LOL because she has had like casual 'flings'-#with people and is an addictive personality as i've talked about here once which includes her being a love junkie + getting into-#relationships with people because she is in love with the IDEA of being in love though falling in love with someone can't just happen-#like magic as it involves a bunch of hormones and stuff but misao kind of somewhat hopes that this person of interest to her will somehow-#complete her life anyhow which... yeah can definitely raise a few problems as people with a love addiction often attract love-#avoidant people because both of these types of people generally have a fear of being abandoned and controlled.#but whenever it comes to love-avoidant individual's they're also emotionally unavailable so 😬#it's unfortunately kinddd of a recipe for an unhealthy relationship that could very well lead to the both of them being in a bad place-#once they break up as misao as a love addict is constantly seeking out new love in particular as a lot of excitement and good feelings-#come with this particular type of love in particular. so yeahhh - i know that this may be a bit of a weird picture to do a meta to but-#SHHH lol i just thought it could possibly relate to her more long-term relationships that she's had with people as misao-#tends to avoid feelings of vulnerability with people as you may all know and so this leads to both her + the other person not really-#knowing what they are BC they haven't really established that deeper connection even though they've been together for a while.#not to say that i'm trying to blame misao for having problems with opening up or anything like that but she has a very disorganized-#attachment style i think and that leads to her often doing this continuous 'push and pull' thing in her romantic/sexual ships#where one moment she will want to be attached to the hip to them but the next she will be cold and distant from them.#so yeahhh. misao is honestly kind of like what i've said barton is before: a cake inside of a cake because i feel like she's got sides of-#herself that she doesn't even know about because she's been scared of being fully emotionally vulnerable with someone for a while now sadly#NO SLEEP OF THE INNOCENT. NOT FOR YOU: character study.
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okay well it only took me [looks at clock] oh my god three hours to read my nine pages of french today but in my defense. how can i be expected to read sentences when there are Words. and they're all so fun to say and to think about. not my fault. anyway i was reading about nineteenth-century wedding traditions in berry (region of france) and someone please tell me that "coup de pistolet" has some meaning other than "gunshot" because i was very stressed out. i mean get a load of this:
J’étais assis sous le vaste manteau d’une antique cheminée de cuisine, lorsque des coups de pistolet, des hurlements de chiens et les sons aigus de la cornemuse m’annoncèrent l’approche des fiancés. (La Mare au Diable, Appendice)
this actually didn't alarm me that much. they're outside, it's like a twenty-one gun salute but with fewer guns presumably. i assumed it would be, you know, adults shooting these guns. little did i know what was in store.
Des coups de pistolet, tirés par les jeunes gens et les enfants, annoncèrent le commencement de la noce. On se réunit peu à peu, et l’on dansa sur la pelouse devant la maison pour se mettre en train.
okay so now we have children shooting the guns. WHILE people are dancing nearby?? is that wise though.
Les assiégeants, de leur côté, faisaient rage ; ils déchargeaient leurs pistolets dans les portes, faisaient gronder les chiens, frappaient de grands coups sur les murs, secouaient les volets, poussaient des cris effroyables ; enfin c’était un vacarme à ne pas s’entendre, une poussière et une fumée à ne se point voir.
this is about a tradition wherein the groom's party goes to the bride's house and they stage basically a siege where the groom and his buddies are trying to get in but the bride et al. have barricaded all the openings. i was like oh cute until i got to the part where they're LITERALLY SHOOTING AT THE HOUSE? WITH PEOPLE INSIDE??? oh also i just noticed this says "déchargeaient leurs pistolets" so yeah not looking good for some magical figurative meaning of "coups de pistolet" (it was a long shot anyway) (no pun intended)
L’énorme broche de fer fut tordue comme une vis sous les vigoureux poignets qui se la disputaient. Un coup de pistolet mit le feu à une petite provision de chanvre en poupées, placée sur une claie, au plafond.
now they're shooting inside the house which has caused some bundles of hemp hanging from the ceiling to catch fire. btw.
Puis la joyeuse cavalcade se mit en route, escortée par les enfants à pied, qui couraient en tirant des coups de pistolet et faisaient bondir les chevaux.
again with the children shooting guns! and this time they're spooking the fucking horses. HOW DID ALL OF THESE PEOPLE SURVIVE.
Ces jeux sont dangereux, et les accidents ont été assez graves dans les derniers temps pour que nos paysans aient résolu de laisser tomber en désuétude la cérémonie des livrées.
"these games are dangerous, and the accidents have been so serious lately that the peasants have decided to let [the tradition of laying siege to the bride's house] fall by the wayside." oh my god YOU DON'T SAY. SHOCKER. sorry i am being so judgy but i'm not an anthropologist which means i am allowed to side-eye people from 200 years ago for terrible gun safety practices.
#later the bride says to her husband 'if i die before you do‚ keep my wedding ring to give to your daughter for her wedding'#and i was like okay 16yo girl i sure hope you live to see your young stepdaughter get married!!#but like honestly all she has to do is go to a couple more weddings and i wouldn't be surprised if she kicks it in the next ten years#french#literature#my posts#guns cw
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I skewed too far from the original request, (so you'll be getting another one with Es and this prompt soon) but for now have this 😂 It's based on that one sprinkler minigram, and uses @iris-drawing-stuff 's raincoat ideas for the other prisoners :3
When Es was told their duties would include watching over ten prisoners, they had expected escape attempts, lies and trickery, fights, or breakdowns. The reality was much worse. They had to keep ten morons out of mundane trouble. And the job was nonstop.
Today’s problem was a bit more intense than the usual stubbed toes and squabbles. Es had been surprised by the culprit behind the day’s stupidity -- after all, Shidou was usually the one stopping the others from causing mischief.
Though he would never admit to anything, Es was able to put the pieces together themself: Amane makes an offhand comment about missing the seasons. Someone with good handwriting anonymously requests a child’s raincoat and galoshes. (Unrelated, there was an issue with the request, and a dozen animal-themed raincoats had been delivered to the prison.) Then, burn marks appear around the sprinklers in Shidou’s cell, just the size of his little lighter. It wasn’t hard to see that he was the one that set off the major malfunction which was currently soaking every inch of the prison in sheets of freezing water.
At least they had extra raincoats.
Es made their way to the panopticon, toolkit in hand. They had swapped their cape out for one of the raincoats. They’d turned it inside out in an attempt to hide the animal features. It made them feel more mature, which was necessary seeing as they had no experience with fixing sprinklers. As it turned out, neither did the prisoners.
Two chairs had been precariously stacked within Shidou’s cell. Kotoko, wrapped in a wolf raincoat, stood on her toes at the top. She twisted the valve this way and that. Standing directly underneath, she avoided the brunt of the downpour. Kazui and Shidou stood at the base, one squeezed into a fox coat, the other, a shark. They both crossed their arms, offering Kotoko all of their observations and tips and suggestions. She ignored everything. It didn’t deter them from ‘helping.’
“Comin’ in hot!”
A black cat-clad Yuno hurried around the corner with a shout. Es stepped out of her way. She carried an armful of towels to stop up some of the deepening puddles. Mikoto flew by in the opposite direction to do the same. His dog ears flopped as he ran. Amane stood near the guard’s tower, entirely enveloped in her frog raincoat. She stood in perfect, calm silence, as if she were above all this nonsense. Es couldn’t agree more. Next to her, Muu openly sobbed within her calico cat coat.
No one seemed to notice as Es cleared their throat. “That’s enough,” they tried, “I can handle it from here.”
Kotoko didn’t even glance their way. “Let me just try one more thing. I’ve almost got it.”
“I’m telling you, it just needs a little twist,” Kazui urged her.
Es was bumped aside as Fuuta dragged another set of chairs into the cell. His raised voice was undermined by the mouse raincoat pulled over his head. “I told you, you’re doing it all wrong! Lemme at it.”
“I’m serious. As warden, I --”
Their protests were drowned out by Mahiru’s voice from behind. They turned to find two bunny raincoats bouncing along.
“This way, Haruka ~!” With much enthusiasm and grand hand gestures, Mahiru directed him to set down some industrial sized buckets at regular intervals. “Perfect…” They quickly began to fill.
Shidou pointed. “Right there, can you move that piece?”
“I already told you,” Kotoko grit her teeth. “I don’t need to touch that.” She wobbled atop the chair.
Fuuta had climbed onto his own stack. “You guys aren’t fucking listening.” He reached out, but Kotoko swatted his hands away. “Hey!” It was his turn to teeter.
“Yuno, I need more towels, stat!” At Mikoto’s urgent call, Yuno came sprinting past.
Es opened their mouth to stop her, but it was too late. Her foot slid through a puddle. With a cry, she was thrown flat on her face.
Mahiru gasped. Trying to run to her aid, one of her uniform straps hooked on a bucket near Muu and Amane’s feet. She yanked it forward.
The splash rose up and soaked their uncovered legs. Muu sobbed harder.
Haruka, of course, wanted to help. He immediately ran into another bucket, sending him stumbling and splashing to the ground.
“Oi, Yuno! I said I needed another towel!”
Kazui made another comment on the sprinkler. Fuuta leaned in real close to get a better look. With a huff, Kotoko tugged on the valve. It jammed around so that the wide spray converged into a single, high-pressure stream.
The jet aimed directly at Fuuta’s face.
His sputtering cursing followed him the long way to the ground. Shidou and Kazui leapt to catch him as he fell. Both miraculously forgot that their shoes rested in several inches of water, because their arms flailed wildly for each other and the fallen chairs as they slipped.
Es’ frown twitched.
“Idiots. They’re all idiots.”
#milgram#es#and everyone else but i wont tag them all#(i hope you dont mind the tag - i just love those raincoats ;-;)#normally id say 'eh close enough' but i reeeally want to stick to the original request which involves them all genuinely having fun#its what they deserve :')#no matter how much fun *I* had writing this theyre not quite having a good time here asdfsdf#(honestly tho - this just popped out and i had such a blast with it that i didnt stop haha!)#you know that one pose dads do when theyre 'supervising' you fixing something#hmm i do wonder what animal es' coat was originally -- i couldnt decide on anything i liked#i wouldve done a rabbit (for jackalope) but two others had that already#just try to ignore the horrible implications with amanes experience with water/rain 💀💀💀 shes okay here i promise !!!!#no fuutas were harmed in the making of this drabble#whats that one tweet - 'he died but hes okay'#drabbles
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Heya! Hope you’re doing okay ❤️
well, i didn't cry today (and more importantly didn't cry at work in front of everybody) so I'm taking that as a sign that things are getting better...I hope 😅
#suuuuuuuuuuper awkward moment when i just started crying yesterday as one of my employees came up to me#(not one of the ones who went to HR)#and she was like 'uhm are you okay' and then i just told her to ask me what she needed to ask me lmao#god i'm just so embarassed that i cried so much this week#esp cause like. i hope it's not some sort of idk defense mechanism?#like did i just start busting out crying cause oh no my boss found out i'm not doing my job so i'm just gonna cry so she doesn't yell at me#or something like that and then keep crying to garner pity#cause that's certainly not my intention at all#i know i fucked up. badly. i'm not donig the job i SHOULD be doing#and was focusing on things i shouldn't focus on...especially like having my techs do their actual jobs#but that's my fault for not laying down the law#for not training them right in the first place for not giving them the proper expectations of what their job entails#but then they're crying that they're overwhelmed which hurts to hear when i see them disappearing just to come back with a cup of coffee#or talking to people across the building when there's no reason for them to be up there#or sitting on their phones while things pile up to be done#and then like my boss is now jumping in and is going to meet with them next week#and inserting herself and two of my other co-workers into the picture to help#which like yeah i need help. a lot of help. but they all have their own jobs#hell there's things my boss does really i should probably be doing#so knowing all of that and again just feeling like a failure at my job makes me feel even worse#like i'm not carrying my weight for the team--i've honestly never felt i have since i became supervisor#i don't think i'm meeting the expectations as a supervisor#as a tech? yeah i was a BEAST and maybe should have never applied for the supervisor job#and i even already told my boss long term career? def not in management for me lol and if i can get out of the supervisor job i will#but i would still want to stay with my boss and co-workers cause we're all trauam bondeded at this point from this workplace#but hey if the worst thing that comes out of this crisis is me getting fired for not doing my job maybe it'll be for the best#..........that's not making me feel any better though
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hi again i ranked every parent i could think of in rezero based on parenting skills + how much they give a shit
#i forgot to add the dude thats now married to garf's mom but he would go in 'seems alright'!!#ALSO LIKE GARFS MOM... THE POOR WOMAN.... SHES LIVED SUCH A ROUGH LIFE LAJSLDFJ I HOPE SHE'LL BE OKAY... but also yeah um. rip fred and gar#bc their mom dipped. like to find garfs dad yeah but like. girl :((( but also the implications of How she had fred is. :((( honestly. maybe#for the best that that woman lost her memories.#fribal (theresias uncle) is only ranked that high bc he at least shows REGRET for his actions.... he apologizes to theresia as he dies..#the juukuliuses all seem like they were alright. rip daisy and klein though they died in that flood when julius was a kid ;-;;;#alviero is only present for like one scene in a side story but like. he seems alright. he def cares given he and his wife took in julius#after julius's parents died. and also alviero and maria have been taking care of joshua and julius... so they DO care but i dont think#alviero was perfect just judging off of. you know. how julius and joshua have turned out lajdslfjs. alviero is so gaslight gatekeep girlbos#and like overly concerned with how he comes off to others that you can see where joshua and julius got that shit from HAH.#heinkel is only up that high on the list bc felix's parents and roswaal exist. like its very hard to beat that LMAO T^T#and yeah rem and rams parents did not give a shit about either of them ngl.#rezero#WAIT I FORGOT TO COUNT RYUZU. SHOULD I HAVE COUNTED RYUZU?? PROBABLY RIGHT???
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I like when you love something so much and you can remember where it stems from 🕯️
#like growing up#I spent a lot of time with my cousin#and my aunt julie was always busy cleaning or cooking#but no matter the time of day or year#she’d always have candles burning#like every single room at any given moment a candle was lit#it always smelled so damn good in that house#add in her cooking and wow#but I absolutely adore candles#I usually have them lit#and have an endless supply laying around#and take pride in how good my home smells when people walk in#usually some fall scented smell#but either way#and I got that from her#(and my obsession with cleaning)#idk makes me happy#I should reach out to her soon#I feel like we’d both like that#I’m not close with my family at all but#she was my favorite aunt growing up#and always called me monkey and made sure I was okay#I hated being home and honestly would have rather lived with her#she was like my second mother#gah#good memories with her#🥹#hope she’s doing well
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desperately hugging you after not seeing you for 15+ months as if my body remembered that the thought of this hug had comforted me when i felt cold and imagining helped me feel safe, helped me feel warm, helped me sleep, and still helps me sleep sometimes. is it no wonder i let my mind fantasise about you in a different way now? i don't wish that ever comes out in any interaction with you. but, i know any desire to stay in, develop, and grow that social club will just be an excuse to be around you. i want being there to feel as safe as the imaginary you makes me feel. i do wish you were mine, but i know you were made by hands warmer than mine, and time. someone who was mine, and my age, made by me, would not be of your quality of gold. if i want you, or someone like you, i have no choice but to start by knowing myself better, even if i don't really want to. i guess i have to want to.
#hugging you and shying away from further touch because a) slow reaction and#b) if i could let loose around you i would never let go of you and i'm not allowed to do that.#is this better or is like... living in a crowded apartment block where everyone gossips and nobody has any privacy better?#you know like wong kar wai's in the mood for love#at the social club - nobody cares to look except for you. and it's nervewracking to be observed by you.#actually -- no-one steps out to care for me. or each other. except for you. but everyone looks.#i guess it's nice now -- because... no familiar faces there except for you and some other people a little older than me.#i would ask you what cologne you use and it would become my favourite smell.#it made me so happy lol it was so strong on your hand and even by touch you left so much on my shoulder until i had to wash that jumper#i would sniff it and be happier#am i okay? am i okay? i thought i was in a good time. am i okay? ground myself. don't float away. i have access to institutions#that can help me. that's something. the more established the systems or groups i'm a part of the more grounded i feel.#i don't know if it should be that way.#i hope i don't do something crazy and dangerous just for some sense of connection to something greater than myself.#i wonder how it looked from the outside. the 'girl' who went out and picked up some guy. for the thrill of it. for exploration. for#curiosity. and she couldn't anymore. it was bound to happen. i was floating away -- and i was saved. by a generous system.#a generous... country...#omelas...#it was bound to happen. or i would have ended up honestly probably abusing substances or something.
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OH MY GOD ONE OF MY LOWKEY KIND OF NICHE-FAMOUS MUTUALS ON ANOTHER ACCOUNT RBED MY OC ART TO HER SHOP BLOG AAAAA WOAGH ,, I WAS SO CONFUSED WHY I SUDDENLY GOT MORE THAN TWO NOTES ON IT FDSJKL
#idk how we became mutuals honestly HFDSJKL like i just. showed up to an experimental twitch stream of hers one time#and i was like. the only person who was talking in chat. and i asked her about isopods and her sewing process FDSJKL#and then she followed me back on tumblr and she hypes up my art every now and then and its so nice of her 😭😭😭#THIS IS SO WILD THOUGH I WAS LIKE. JUST POSTING THE ART BC THATS WHAT I DO. AND THEN SUDDENLY I HAVE PPL GIVING IT NOTES???#anyways uhmm if u like cute critters and supporting independent artists... go check out itstheb.eastpeddler (without the period)#Cait is such a lovely person and she makes the coolest little critters!! i love her gardenfolk sm !! i've got a little mushroom guy :3#SORRY FOR YAPPING SO MUCH TODAY. i'm feeling chatty for some reason. ALSO. its my blog. my house. my posts HFDSJKL#im going to go work on painting now bc idk if i'll have time tonight for it since im eating dinner w the family... ough i hope it goes okay#dandy.cmd
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Feeling nostalgia rn
Today honestly reminds me of the time in *let me check the date* 2022?!?!?! HOW WAS THAT SO LONG AGO??😭😭
Well, anyway- Today reminds me of the time when I was supposed to be sleeping, during a night of the return to my home from visiting family (it is a very long road, and I'm coming back after this night too-), back then I found @genshinluvr 'Not What You'd Expect' and stayed up to 3/4 am reading the chapters!
Ever since then I was checking up on them everyday, and then started checking them every Sunday, not skipping a week FOR MONTHS (I think I started a bit before 'By The Seashore' until around 'Happily Ever After?'), and reading everything with such a fascination. Later on I also started reading her HSR x Reader, and got super into it too!
So I wanted to share with everyone thede amazing pieces of art, a literal masterpieces that I want to thank greatly for lots of memories and good moments! Seriously, her writing is so professional and good! I'll never forget this work, it's truly one of a kind, thank you for writing it!
PLEASE go check it out!
Time to repeat history with reading and re-reading new things from Aaliah on the night before my return to home! (And being tired the day after-) Love you!
#just felt nostalgic today that's all#But i really do love these works so please if you are in any of those fandoms go check it out#honestly wow#it's been so long since i've read them and i still think nothing can top them#truly a wonderful experience#my everything#Okay let's stop cause it becomes idk moody ig#Once again#These works are great so you won't regret checking it out!#Not what you'd expect has over 600 000 words!#W O W#it honestly blows my mind so much#how much time passed#God bless her#I hope she'll have everything she could ever want!#(I hope it isn't invasive if it is then I'm sorry I just love these works so much)#roseapov#roseatalks#rosea talks#genshin impact#honkai star rail#hsr#genshin#gi#honkai: star rail#hsr x reader#genshin x reader#genshin impact x reader
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Ykno the suckiest thing about being broken up with for someone else is that like. Well I'm doing generally fine, all things considered, but I Am kinda sad thinking about the things I've lost and all the casual affection that I can't have now.
But she's out there having all the affection she wants from her coworker, and it's just like. Damn this feels so skewed and SO unfair.
#speculation nation#and then U add in the fact that the girl she broke up with me for is already dating someone else (poly sort of situation)#and im just like. WHYYYYY did she break up with me instead of trying to negotiate poly???#she was gonna at first but when i expressed concern about poly given her obvious communication problems about it#then she dropped me like a hot coal. like sorry i wasnt about to let myself be stood up and ignored for basically a whole day#just to accept u trying to negotiate poly. like What?????#anyways i may have a bit of a history with being a bit of an asshole and breaking up with them#but at LEAST ive never broken up with anyone to immediately start dating someone else#and at LEAST ive broken up with them in person and not over text!!! the fuck?????#i keep alternating between 'surprisingly okay with it all' and 'maybe a little sad' and 'absolutely fucking LIVID'#and i keep wanting to yell at her more but i already said quite a lot of things. so id just be repeating myself#and at that point id just be a vitriolic piece of shit. which i try not to be.#so im letting her live in peace while i continue to be So Pissed about it and it just sucks man lmfao#why do i gotta be the bigger person fr. i even apologized for the hurtful things i was saying in anger. literally in that same conversation.#and she gets to pull this stunt and walk free and spend so much time with her new 'love' ignoring the world etc etc#honestly i hope it fails miserably for her. bc sure theres a chance it works out but every single part of this is impulsive and So Stupid.#and even tho my ex agreed with me when i told her it was INSANE. she was just like 'i have to' like OKAY????#jesus fucking christmas she's revealed a side to me that i really hadnt seen before.#so i hope it fails and i hope she tells me about it. i hope she owns up to her mistakes. for my own satisfaction.#but i have 0 intention on ever taking her back. because what the fuck????#i may be a flawed individual with plenty of problems. but i still have basic fucking dignity. and i am NOT accepting this back in my life.#and god damn her friend is moving into the unit across from mine for this coming year#and i may have to see my ex sometimes bc of it 😭😭😭#the friend seemed generally level headed tho. idk if i happen across him & he doesnt avoid me maybe i'll ask him what he thinks of this#bc she was treating me with such love and affection showing me off to all her friends. and then she drops me like a fucking coal.#i wouldnt say i made friends with them myself but we were at least friendly. so i doubt theyd have a good opinion of her for this.#so would the friend loyalty take precedence? or would he be willing to chat with me and confirm Yeah what the fuck?#bc if i had a friend who did this same exact thing id be side-eyeing them SO hard.#id support them bc theyre my friend but i would also be like 'hey uh Why did you do that. that was pretty awful of u you know that right'#& itd also make me more cautious of them too. for being Able to drop someone so suddenly lol.
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mistakes were made. should not have gone to library today. i will be leaving the house all five days of the week now (plus we went to a waterside on sunday for several hours) and uhm... i feel like i need to go hibernate for several weeks to feel even remotely okay again fhdkdl i am so tired i can barely think enough to string words together in any comprehendable way 🧍<- upset
#oohoohoo the self destructive ''well maybe I'll just push myself bc im going to be tired either way'' sure was a bad choice!#''lol who cares anymore im sick of being fatigued and im probably just making it up'' you are a fucking idiot god bless your soul#and yet.... the urge to Make It Worse is still so strong.... gee i sure do love p.mdd!#honest to god im so fucking frustrated w this brain lately#been trying to hide any sharps away from myself because I've just been so wildly careening into self destructive tendencies#and im sick of trying to like. control myself. i am my own keeper and im fucking sick of it gjfkdl#im trying so fucking hard to hold it together and keep myself on the right path but im really just incredibly tired#it feels like im trying to wrestle a knife out of a toddler's hand#and then the toddler cries and tantrums bc they wanted the knife#and i have nothing to give them to distract them. except im also the toddler.#idk how long i can keep this up for bc im ALSO managing other ppls emotions and baggage and shit at the centre#and over text. mainly that one person who i wish would just fucking leave me alone#but her grandma is literally on her deathbed so I can't rly try learning how to be firm rn#bc if i try to be firm i worry i will end up being a dick and i dont want to do that while she's struggling w pre-emptive grief#i don't know !!! im just so goddamn exhausted and struggling#and the world seems very cruel and terrifying and im honestly convinced im never going to find a way to exist peacefully in it#like im always going to be scared and struggle to trust ppl and struggle to socialize and feel safe anywhere#im going to be so honest. i wish i had One friend irl fhfkdl like. i think that would help a lot of my issues#to have someone i care about and respect and who actually cares about AND respects me back#and who i could just. be around. exist in the same vicinity. and not feel so scared and unsafe#a bit of a break from those constant feelings while not being isolated#who i could do activities with ???#thats actually so hard for me to imagine ever having ffhdjlsl its been so many years since I've had any semblance of that#it doesn't feel like im ever going to have that again :') it feels so impossible. pipe dream. unrealistic and unattainable#okay i need to shut up fhdksl sorry for being so insane on here every day jfc#one of these days i hope i will be genuinely stable for like... longer than a day fhfkdl#pippen needs 2nd breakfast#self harm mention
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Hey y'all weed posting on main, hope u don't mind. So anyway, babies first weed plant is working away!!!
#weed#drugs#shes a bit scraggly but also her seed was from a dried up weed branch i found in the back shed#that had been there for god knows how long (at least a year) lol#so im surprised she even got this far WOOWOOO LETS GO GIRL YOURE BEAUTIFUL#also those bulbs with the orange bits are okay and fine right?#my research suggests theyre just female parts but i was like oh god what if shes turning hermaphroditic#i think... i think shes okay tho. honestly i hope she finishes up soon cuz its getting cold out at night... worried for her#sucktacular sucks#ive no fucking clue what strain she is but judging by online research + old roomies weed preferences shes probably a sativa!#which idk how thats gonna go for me cuz im an indica bitch#my anxiety is insane dude im too scared of sativa lol#anyway everyone please give her a kiss goodnight!!!! 💕💕💕#also i hope this isnt the most pathetic weed ever grown LMAO shes doing so good all things considered
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realized it's my friend who disappeared a year ago's birthday,,, and just got. absolutely whiplashed with grief. i hate not knowing if she's even Alive, much less doing okay. i sincerely, with all my heart and soul, hope she's alive & well. happy birthday, m. not a day goes by that you don't cross my mind. i miss you.
#mine#m tag#idk. what to rly. do w myself now.#i just wanna cry honestly.#ive lost so many people over this past year#but she's one of the hardest ones bc i dont even know if she's Gone gone.#i just know she's unreachable from my position.#& it hurts. it hurts so fucking much. my heart hurts so much & it's so empty.#she's one of the best people i've ever had the absolute delight of knowing.#she always checked on me & was so loving & understanding & always knew exactly what to say to cheer me up.#& she's so fucking funny GOD i miss her humor.#she disappeared before i had full system discovery so my alters never even got to introduce themselves to her...#fuck. im gonna tear up i hope you're okay. please be okay. please come back someday. nothing is the same w/out you.#every time a new v/nc chapter comes out i just. think abt you. & i cant even look at them anymore bc it just hurts.#i love you so much. i hope you know that. wherever you are.
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You know what I think about the most when it comes to my BatIM characters/comic?
The fact that this
Grew up into this
#yes I was going through her tag again#I am pretty much in love with Nelly okay?#she’s the best character I’ve ever created and I really hope that you like her as much as I do#and there is so much to her you didn’t see yet#makes me very proud honestly#like#I sometimes just stop for a second and think about it and realize that damn#I told a story about characters I actually love a lot and really care about and literally can’t imagine my life without#and there are so many people who actually care and who love them#makes me think that there is a legacy that I’m leaving behind and that it’s something really special#I’m sorry I went on an existential rent in tags under a shit post hahah#but honestly you can’t imagine how much Nelly and other characters mean to me#I feel like a parent watching my kids grow into someone much greater than me and it makes me very happy#nelly stein#nelly pevolet#penelope stein#metal and ink#metal and ink extra
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