#honestly finished this fic by accident this morning? i know that sounds weird

[evebestt]

Hi! How are you? Hope you’ve been having a wonderful holiday season (if you celebrate at al!) ☺️ I was missing Farah x reader fics, saw you still take requests, and was wondering if you’d be able to write anything cute? I’m not sure about prompts. Perhaps either Farah or reader encouraging the other in something? Idk lol

Hi hon! I know it's been a while since the holidays (it's been a while since then sorry 'bout that) but I did have a good season! Thank you for the prompt! And don't worry about it being vague, it was fun to have a bit of wiggle room. This fic is a bit emotional along with cute, but I hope you like it!

Here's a little synopsis for you all: The first day back teaching after Farah's resurrection, she finds herself nervous for the first time in years. Reader comforts and encourages.

As always, send me a message or an ask to submit a request. Read here on AO3 or below

First Day Jitters

After what was now being called the Battle of Alfea — when Bloom and her friends had pulled Farah from her grave, newly alive and gasping for breath, when the students had woken from Rosalind’s spell and fought for their school, when Farah, Saul and Ben at her side, had cornered Rosalind in the woods and finally done what she should have done all those years ago — the school was finally quiet. When the headcount had been completed and the injuries had been treated, there was only about two weeks of the term left, and given the trauma everyone had been through, Farah started the summer break early, leaving the campus mostly empty for repairs to be finished — and for everyone to find their bearings again.

But now the students were back, and the first day of term was upon them all. You were anxious to start teaching again, ready to get back to the normalcy that was Farah’s Alfea, and ready for the simplicity of routine that the school year offered.

You’d set your alarm early, wanting plenty of time to prepare, but when it went off, you rolled over to find Farah’s side of the bed empty, already fading in warmth. The sound of the shower running told you where she was, and thinking nothing of her even earlier start, you rose and went to pick out your outfit for the day.

You both got ready in companionable silence, though you swore you could feel the tension radiating from Farah, and only increasing with every passing minute. Despite your relationship, Farah was a private person, so you decided not to question her, but when you’d finished your makeup in the bathroom and came out to find her pacing the room, you started to wonder if you should.

You watched her for a moment, thinking she’d stop, but when she just continued her pattern — seven strides to one end of the room, turn, seven strides to the other — you finally decided to intervene.

“Hey, slow down, honey,” you spoke soothingly as you caught her mid stride and wrapped your arms around her waist, pulling her close to you. She was tense like she might break free of your embrace, but as you pressed kisses along the back of her shoulders, she suddenly relaxed, leaning back against you.

“I’m sorry, I just can’t relax this morning,” she said, her frustration evident in her voice, and you just hummed, kissing the back of her neck before resting your chin on her shoulder.

‘Want to tell me what’s wrong?” you asked gently.

She was quiet for a very long moment, and then finally murmured, “I’m just… nervous.”

Thankfully she was still turned away from you, for you couldn’t stop your confused frown — you couldn’t remember the last time she’d ever admitted to being nervous. Trying your hardest to keep the confusion out of your voice, you spoke again. “Nervous for… for class today?”

You felt her nod. “I haven’t been nervous to teach in over a decade, and now, I… I feel like I’ve never taught a day in my life.”

Everything suddenly made sense, and you let out a small sigh, running your hand comfortingly along her ribs. “That’s understandable, a lot has happened in the past months. Even if you take—” you hesitated a moment — it was still hard to say the words, “take your death and resurrection out of the picture, there’s still been a lot going on at Alfea. It’s hard to pretend like everything is normal after all that and stand up to lecture about magical theory.”

She let out a huff of laughter, though there wasn’t any humor in it. “No, no it’s not easy to do. For anyone, but for myself, it’s—” she stepped out of your arms and turned to face you, her own arms folded over her middle like she was protecting herself. “It’s not going to be an easy day for anyone, but how am I supposed to be a pillar of authority while having to teach to a room full of students that know it was one of their peers that brought me back to life?”

You blinked, amazed she’d been so vulnerable with you. You wanted to reach out for her again, but afraid that might drive her away, you forced yourself to stay rooted to the spot. “Do you wish it wasn’t Bloom that brought you back?”

“No!” she exclaimed vehemently, shaking her head. “No, gods, that’s not what I meant, it’s just… the Headmistress needs to project unshakable confidence — I need to be a strong and powerful presence for the students to trust me completely, and… and I feel like that presence has been fractured by being brought back to life by a seventeen year old who until a year ago didn’t know that magic existed.” She sat down hard on the bed, burying her head in her hands. “Gods, I sound horrible and bitter. I don’t regret Bloom any of her powers, not for a second, and I certainly don’t regret her bringing me back to life. I just…”

You sat down next to her, putting a gentle hand on her shoulder. “I understand what you’re saying. It’s your job to protect them, but instead they’ve protected you. It’s hard to go back to that protector role when you feel as though the tables have turned, so to speak.”

She nodded, staring at a spot on the wall, but you could see flashes of that night in the back of her eyes. “I’ve never been so vulnerable with anyone — those five held my life in their hands, and that’s not a secret to anyone. And now, I just have to… resume my position as Headmistress, their teacher, their mentor. And I don’t know how to do that.”

You were both quiet for a minute, letting her words sink in. “I don’t think anyone could know,” you said finally. “You are in uncharted territory, that’s for sure.”

She let out a chuckle at that, one with a bit of humor, and that made the fist in your chest unclench out of sheer relief, allowing you to continue. “But you’re not in that territory alone. It may be unknown, and there may be no right answers for what to do, but you’re not alone in it. Saul and Ben have never wavered, not for a moment. The girls have impatiently asked after you, Sky and Saul even replaced as much as they could in your office after Rosalind had it cleared out. The whole school stands behind you — we never would have won this fight if they didn’t.”

Farah gave you a faint smile, and you slid your hand down her arm to tangle your fingers with hers. “And you have me. Always. I put your portrait back on the wall myself, and I intend it to stay there for a very long time.”

Her smile widened and she squeezed your hand, resting her forehead on yours for a moment. “I do have you,” she murmured, and you kissed the corner of her mouth in response.

She picked up her head, looking at you in amazement. “What would I do without you?”

You smirked. “Wallow in your self-pity?”

“I was not wallowing, I was—” she paused, looking for a word, then gave you a pouty look. “Alright, well, I still wouldn’t call it wallowing, that’s far too dramatic.”

You just smiled as she stood, standing before the full length mirror as she smoothed out the imaginary wrinkles of her dress. She seemed to stand taller and more like herself, but you could still see some tension in her shoulders, and you wished you could take it all away, even knowing you never could.

“The students love you,” you said after a moment, wanting her to hear it explicitly.

You saw her smirk, and there was humor in her eyes when she met yours in the mirror. “Even when they call me a hard-ass?”

You grinned. “Even when they call you a hard-ass. They respect you. If they didn’t, they’d be calling you that to your face.”

Farah let out a bark of laughter as she brought her hands up to fiddle with the pins holding her hair. “That is true, they do refrain from that at least.”

You stood from the bed and came up behind her, gently pushing her hands out of the way as you took over the braid she was redoing. “Do you think Bloom and the girls could have done the unimaginable — the impossible if they weren’t doing it out of a love for you?”

She met your eyes in the mirror again. “I don’t think I’ve thought of it that way before.”

You held out your hand, and she gave you the bobby pins she was holding, tilting her head as you secured the braid you’d finished. “I’ve never seen it any other way.”

Farah turned when you’d finished and wrapped her arms around your waist, pulling you close as she smiled. “Thank you for talking me off the ledge.”

“You were hardly on a ledge,” you assured her, then gently smoothed your thumb between her eyebrows. “I just wanted to see that furrow in your brow disappear.”

“It’ll be back when I start in on paperwork today,” she joked, and you bumped your nose with hers.

“Then I’ll just have to pull you away from it,” you countered. “Meet me for lunch today?”

Farah nodded. “I’d like that.”

And you thought your heart would melt when she pulled you in for a hug, leaning down to rest her head on your shoulder.

You drew your hand up her spine, stopping to rub gentle circles between her shoulder blades. “You’re allowed to be nervous for the first day back, and even for the days after,” you murmured to her. “I just hope that soon you’ll see you don’t have to be.”

She straightened, brushing a piece of hair behind your ear and giving you a small smile, one that reached her eyes fully and stole your breath away. “Thanks to you, I think I will.”

~~~~~~~~~

Farah stood looking out the window as students shuffled into the classroom behind her, their murmuring becoming louder as they filled in the tables, finding friends and classmates to sit with. She swore she could feel their eyes on her, staring, and that their murmurings were about her return, and her skin prickled at the thought — but then she caught a snatch of a conversation, and smiled when it was just students comparing class schedules.

I’m old news at this point, she thought to herself, and that made some of the tightness in her belly loosen. First days didn’t change much, even if everything else had.

The clock hit the top of the hour, and Farah gave herself another moment before she turned around, taking in the view out the window of the grounds of the school —

Of her school.

I’m not alone, she thought, thinking back to earlier that morning, and found the memory calmed her even more, making her smile.

And with that, turned to face her class.

“Welcome to Magical Theory,” Farah said when they’d fallen silent, then gave her students a wry smile. “What I’m sure is everyone’s most anticipated class.”

A light chuckle rippled through the room, and Farah felt herself ease further. She fingered the stack of syllabi on the desk, running through her normal speech, the way she’s taught the class for the past fourteen years.

Before she’d died, been resurrected, and magicks previously unknown had been put on a very public display.

“I…” She took one last look at the syllabi. And then flipped the folder closed, instead coming to lean on the front of the desk as she surveyed the class. “A lot has happened in the past few months, as you’re all very aware of.”

There was another ripple of laughter again, though darker than before. “Because of that, and the fact that… that I was brought back to life by students at this very school with magic that very few people knew existed, my normal teachings on Magical Theory seem… of little circumstance.”

She had the room’s rapt attention now — she could feel all of their eyes on her. “That doesn’t mean you all will get out of the normal course load,” she stressed, giving them all a stare, and she saw a few smiles amidst the quiet groans, “however what happened should be discussed. I don’t believe this information should be hidden, and I don’t want any of you put in danger by attempting something you know little about. So, in addition to my normal lectures on the basics of magic we already know, I’m going to do my best to teach you all about what happened, and help you to process the information Alfea as a whole continues to learn.”

Farah was pleased to see she still had the room’s attention, and giving them a small smile, cocked her head in question. “With that, are there any questions?”

And felt her smile widen when a few hands went up in response.

[intergalacticwanderer]

(I hadn’t planned on writing a follow up to this fic, but I kept thinking about what would happen next and therefore this happened.)

It was later in the day when Beau finally caught up with Kingsley again, hangover mostly gone and jobs winding down on the ship. Things had proceeded as normal that morning outside of the initial outburst, but as the day went on Beau had noticed Kingsley getting quieter and quieter, already unusual on its own but downright concerning after what had happened last night and this morning. She had no idea what was even running through the tiefling’s head right now, but based on what he’d yelled right after waking up? It was probably an unholy mess. Just trying to sort it out made her head hurt, and it wasn’t even her head.

She really hoped he could be okay, at least.

“Hey,” Beau said as she came up next to Kingsley at the edge of the ship, resting her forearms on the rail and looking over at him. He didn’t acknowledge her at first, continuing to stare out at the ocean and arms crossed as he leaned on the rail. She waited. If he wanted to talk, he would, and if not, she could at least give him some company.

It was around six minutes before Kingsley finally spoke up.

“You know,” Kingsley said, voice soft and a little rough from disuse, “for as much shit as I give you, we make a pretty good fighting team. It went better than the last time like that at least.” He reached up and rubbed at the scar on his chest and Beau’s heart clenched.

Jumping right into it it seemed. Shit.

“You remember that?” If he was going to jump in she might as well too, but her stomach still lurched at that particular memory. Memories which he apparently had now too, with no warning what so ever. No wonder he’d been so quiet today.

“Yeah. I-I think so.” His hands were shaking slightly. “Remembering’s pretty different than reading your book.”

He threw his hands up in the air. “And I know we've had plenty of times fighting bad guys together. That was just the first time I've been...” He trailed off, seemingly unable to finish the thought out loud. Instead he just huffed, going back to the rail.

“How you holding up? That’s... a lot, man.” Understatement of the year, but how do you even start to address something like that? (Something niggled at her, that there was more to it than remembering dying, but she couldn’t quite place it. She put a pin in the thought for later.)

“Honestly?” He scrubbed at his eyes for a few moments before dragging his hand down his face. “No fucking clue. And... yeah. It’s a lot.” Kingsley blew out a long breath and then groaned, planting his elbows on the rail and burying his face in hands. “This sucks.”

“You got that right.”

Beau let him have another few minutes, watching as some seabirds wheeled overhead in the afternoon sky and a few wispy clouds drifted on the horizon. At one point Fjord caught her eye from another part of the deck and he almost came over but she waved him off, not wanting Kingsley to have to deal with too many people at once. Eventually Kingsley shifted to prop his chin on his hand and Beau decided she'd be the one to break the silence this time.

“Do you remember anything else? Besides-” she gestured to the scar on his chest- “that?” His reactions this morning implied that he did, but it'd be better to hear it from Kingsley himself. He glanced over, straightening up and rubbing the back of his neck.

“Some? A lot? It’s hard to tell when I don't know how much there is to begin with. It... matches what Yasha's told me at least.”

Beau’s heart rate sped up a little. Those comments he’d made this morning about suddenly having two names, about possibly making Molly his middle name now, she forced herself to actually look at that. That niggling thought she’d had earlier got stronger.

“Anything in particular you’re wondering about?” Maybe a bit on the leading side, but probably harmless (and she really wanted to figure this out). She leaned forward a little.

Unfortunately for her, Kingsley picked up on her weird vibe and gave her a confused squint, leaning back the same distance. Fuck. So much for harmless.

“Nnnooo? What the hell are you on about?”

“Nothing! Just curious.” That just made him squint at her even harder. Ugh, Dairon would have given her so much shit for this, she wasn’t used to trying to interrogate a friend. A second later Beau realized the ‘interrogate’ part was the problem and she forced herself to relax. She was here to try and help her friend out. And fuck, why did he have to look so much like a kicked puppy when he was upset? That should have been illegal. She let out an exasperated noise.

“Okay, fine, seeing you so quiet and moody is fucking weird. And I wanted to find out what was up.” There. She’d said it.

“Nice to know I usually have the emotional depth of a teacup,” he deadpanned.

“Oh fuck off. You know what I meant.”

Kingsley cocked his head, just staring back as she glowered and eventually he shrugged. “Alright. What is it?”

“Something’s obviously eating at you.”

“And?”

“Captive audience if you want to rant a bit.” Kingsley raised an eyebrow at the captive part and Beau rolled her eyes. “Not literally. I'll still listen.”

“You? Willingly listening to me?” Back to being an asshole. And an obvious attempt to deflect if she’d ever seen it.

“Yeah. Shocking.” She didn't move, the wind blowing a few stray hairs around her face and Kingsley’s hair tossed about as well while he thought.

“How about this.” He crossed his arms. “You guys going to treat me differently now that I remember stuff from Molly?”

Beau froze.

She wanted to say ‘of course not.’ She should say of course not. But she still remembered that morning, when confronted with yelling purple teifling and memories of the death match fresh in her head, she’d called him Molly.

“Not unless you want us to.” The wind picked up a little and she rubbed at her arms, trying to chase away the gooseflesh. Beau wasn’t sure if it was just the wind.

Kingsley gave her a flat look, red eyes unblinking. “Really.”

“Yes, really. You’re our friend. You.” She hoped that was the right thing to say at least.

“So you guys weren’t disappointed at all when you got me?” He looked at her while leaning his back against the rail, arms still crossed and tail lashing back and forth. Beau suddenly remembered that even if he'd never reached the uncanny level that Caduceus was at, Molly had still been surprisingly good at reading people. And, apparently, Kingsley was too. Fuck.

She sighed and looked down. It felt crappy to admit, but she had to be honest. “Yeah, that'd be a bit of a lie. Still wouldn't justify taking it out on you though.” Her fingers dug into her upper arm. “What matters is who you are now. Trying to force you to be someone you don't want to be is just shitty.” She looked back up at him.

A few more connections came together in her head. She had to know.

“Do... you still consider yourself and Molly to be two separate people, now that you have the memories?” Beau knew as soon she said the words out loud that she’d finally hit on the crux of the issue and Kingsley outright flinched. She mentally scrambled backwards. Shit fuck shit- “You don't have to answer,” she added on quickly, “it's not my business.”

Kingsley hugged himself tightly, looking down and tail coiled around his leg. She felt like her heart was about to beat out of her chest.

"I don't know," he said, so quietly that Beau almost missed it. He didn’t look up.

“You don’t have to,” she said. “It’s okay to not know. And like I said it’s none of my business.” (And yet she’d still asked the question. Great job, Beau.)

“It’s just-” He let out a frustrated noise. “This morning, right after I woke up, with all the yelling?” His heel tapped on the deck, jittery. “I was him, mentally. Probably why it didn’t bother me then. But then of course I had to have a bunch of time to fucking think.” Kingsley hunched over a little, looking smaller. “Now it just scares the shit out of me.”

There it was. The answer to why Kingsley had been so out of it all day, and all it did was make her feel like a nosy asshole.

Beau let out a shaky breath, taking another moment to look at the ship around them. For better or worse they were completely alone right then, save for a couple of the seabirds still flying over head. Think. What could she say right now that might be able to help? She’d just exposed some terrifying personal bullshit on accident, so... maybe she could let him see some of her own personal bullshit? Even the scales a little.

“I know it’s not really the same situation, but...” Inhale, exhale. It was okay to talk to him about this. “I’ve talked to you about my shitty dad before, right?”

Kingsley nodded. “Yeah, I know about the shitbag. Still think he could use some extra stabbing.”

Beau couldn’t help but smile a little at that. They really were all ride or die for each other.

“Not gonna disagree with you. The reason I bring him up is-” She sighed. “Main problem he had is he wanted me to be someone I’m not. So focused on the ‘should have been’ and the idea in his head that he ignored the person right in front of him. Well. Still payed enough attention to be awful.” Kingsley was quiet, listening, and Beau gathered the rest of her thoughts.

“Guess what I’m trying to say is I know how awful expectations like that can be. And that’s the last thing I’d want to do to you, okay? And I’ll fucking deck anyone who does that.”

“Even if that person is me?”

What.

Beau was left speechless for a moment, completely unprepared for that response. That was. What??? “Okay, you’re gonna have to explain that one to me. The fuck?”

He shrugged. “Are you gonna deck me? For having unreasonable expectations about myself?” The end of his tail tapped against his boot and Beau just stared at him. “That sounds like what you’re saying.”

“That’s not what I fucking- ugh!” She gave a frustrated tug at the hair on the top of her head, some of it coming out of her hairstyle. “What I’m trying to say you asshole is that the only thing that matters is who YOU want to be and that’s the end of it! Fucking hell!” Her words caught up with her and Beau deflated a bit. “Ahhh shi- fuck-” her face screwed up. “I’m sorry. That came out completely wrong. Sorry. Shit!” Why did she have to be so bad at this?

“N-nah, I get it,” Kingsley said, looking away and cheeks flushing. “And I was pretty shit with what I was trying to say too.” He scratched the back of his head. “And, uh, thanks. For saying that. Really.”

He leaned back, propping his elbows on the rail behind him and hair partially falling in his face. “I guess what I was trying? To say? Is that other people aren’t the issue for me. It’s my own head that’s the mess.” He sighed.

“I like being me, you know? I’m happy. But...” He went quiet again, chewing on his lip.

“But?”

He looked directly at her.

“What the hell am I supposed to do when I can’t even tell what ‘me’ is?”

Just hearing that made her go cold.

“That’s... fuck, dude.”

“You think?” He lurched up and started pacing next to the rail, Beau watching as he went back and forth, tail swishing side to side and one hand gesturing, the other tangled in his hair. “I went to bed as Kingsley Tealeaf, that’s me. Fine, dandy! Then last night we fight in a death match, and there? Mollymauk Tealeaf! Also great! But now?”

He stopped pacing, hands falling to his side. Slumped against the rail. “I don’t know. If I think about picking, ditching one of them, I’m terrified. Not a conscious thing, just thinking about it, makes me scared.” Hugged himself. “But I’m also scared that trying to hold onto both might make me lose ‘me’ anyway. I just. I don’t know.”

He was quiet for several more seconds, eventually raking both his hands through his hair at once and staring up at the sky. “What the fuck am I going to do now?” he breathed out.

“You want an actual answer to that, or you just thinking out loud?”

It slipped out before Beau could stop herself and she had a small moment of panic. This was the kind of stuff Caduceus was good at, not her, but at the same time? She was the person who was actually here right now. And she still wanted to do right by her friend. Somehow.

Kingsley blinked and then barked out a laugh, one hand staying tangled in his hair and the other going back to the rail as the looked over to Beau. “Do you have an answer Scribbles? Or are you just bullshitting?”

“Psht, that’s your job,” Beau said, rolling her eyes, and she noticed him relax a little at the jab. Good. “But, honestly?” She thought it over for a moment. “You do what you want to. And I’m not bullshitting you,” she said, raising her hands in front of her at the look he gave her. “You do what you want. It doesn’t have to be complicated.”

He blinked at her a couple more times. Dread squirmed in her stomach, wondering if she’d fucked up her advice giving again, but she forced herself to calm down. “Just think about it. What you might want to do next.”

She could practically see the process of him thinking for the next few minutes, holding still and his eyes distant. Eventually he made a thoughtful noise, hands coming up to steeple in front of his chin and a glint coming into his eyes.

“Does that mean whatever I want?”

“Okay, now you’re just being an ass,” Beau said and Kingsley broke out into a grin. Maybe she hadn’t completely fucked this up.

“Takes one to know one Scribbles.”

“You know what, I might just deck you anyway-”

“I’d like to see you tr- actually, no, you definitely could,” Kingsley said, backpedaling and raising his hands in front of him as his brain caught up with his mouth and seeing Beau raising a fist. She couldn’t keep it up however and soon enough she was grinning too, Kingsley breathing a sigh of relief. At which point she socked him in the shoulder.

“OW!” He hissed out between his teeth, rubbing his shoulder. “Did you have to do it that hard?”

“If I meant to hit you hard, you’d know.” Beau held her fist in the air. “Trust me.“

He eyed the raised fist. “You guys are still terrifying.”

“Hey, that includes you, don’t sell yourself short.” She paused, mulling over her next question. It’d be better for her to know, she decided. “The memories you have from the death match, of... earlier Molly stuff. Do you want me to refer to that as happening to you? Or someone else?”

Kingsley’s face screwed up like he’d bitten into something sour. “Case by case I guess? Death match is okay since it just happened, not sure on the rest yet.” He gave helpless shrug. “I’ll let you know later.”

“Good enough for me. Cause you in the death match? Definitely in the terrifying camp. Like I said, don’t sell yourself short.”

The glint returned to his eyes, along with a toothy grin. “I admit, it was pretty satisfying.”

“Aaand case in point right there, just that expression is terrifying. Fucking hell, dude.”

“I do have a future reputation to build,” he said airily, which somewhat ruined the expression. It also made Beau have to muffle a laugh, and she had to work even harder to muffle it when she saw Kingsley pouting.

“Now that’s just rude.”

“Sorry, sorry,” Beau said, waving a hand in the air and breathing deep to calm the laughter. “This about the pirate idea?”

He nodded. “It is indeed! You should know that I have plans.”

That glint was back in his eyes again, even more worrying than before. Maybe she should warn Fjord about it.

...

Nah, he could find out on his own.

Beau stretched, rolling her head and resting her palm on the back of her neck before looking at Kingsley again. One more question she needed to ask.

“Any updates on the name?”

There was a pause, a long pause, and then he shook his head. “I’ll stick with Kingsley for now. And what I said with the middle name this morning... I’ll keep thinking on it.” There was still some hesitancy, but overall? He actually looked okay.

“Fine by me. And hey, you wouldn’t be the first of the Nein to end up with a different name.” She shrugged. “Caleb and Veth did. Hell, even Jester picked her own name.”

“Really?”

“Yeah! You should ask her about it sometime.” Beau looked back out over the ocean, sun getting lower and the last of the sea birds flying off. “And I think it'd be good to talk Jester and Fjord about stuff in general. I’m not the best at this life advice thing.”

“Noooooo, really?”

“Oh eat a dick.”

“Sorry, can't, you don't have one.”

Beau paused.

“You know, ask Jester about some early Xhorhas disguises we had. I think you’d get a kick out of it.”

He raised an eyebrow. “Color me intrigued. Any reason you can’t tell it?”

“Don’t want to rob Jester of the experience.”

“Now I’m really intrigued.”

“Beauuuu! Kingsleeeey!”

The two of them turned and looked up, following the voice to find Jester in the crow’s nest and waving down at them before cupping her hands around her mouth for the next shout. “We’re having dinner in 10 minutes! Be there!”

“Sure thing, Jes!” Beau hollered, waving back.

“Don't eat all the pastries before I get there!” Kingsley shouted.

“No promises!” Jester shouted back, before she gave one more very enthusiastic wave and started climbing down from the crow's nest.

Beau looked back to Kingsley, stretching then placing her hands on her hips. “Well, I think that’s our cue to get back to civilization.”

“You call this crew civilized?”

“Point. You know that includes you, right?” she said as the two of them started to walk.

“I know what I’m about,” Kingsley said, grinning.

“Suuure you do.”

“Yep!” he said cheerfully. He bounded ahead, tail swishing animatedly before spinning on one foot and throwing his arms out wide. “One uncivilized teifling, right here! And sorry, you’re stuck with me.”

“No refunds?”

“Nope!”

“Well damn. Sucks to be me I guess,” Beau deadpanned, but as she did she came up next to Kingsley and threw an arm around his shoulder, and her friend continued to grin.

“Come on. Let’s go show the rest of this uncivilized bunch what they’re missing.”

(Part Three)

[helenazbmrskai]

Not Alone

Title Not Alone

Pairing Yoongi x OC

Summary University is kicking your ass so you always make sure to dedicate a day for yourself and take time to pamper your body and soul. However, you’re cautious around Yoongi your roommate and double-check the d-day to prevent accidents. You're not a fan of revealing any skin because of your insecurities but it’s just happening to be the day when you are - not so alone.

Genre university au, roommate au, romance and fluff, smut

Warning(s) smut (body worshipping, oral (f receiving), penetrative sex, messy sex, first time, virgin reader, dirty talk, vanilla sex, yoongi has a virgin kink but not explicitly mentioned) implication of insecure reader, shy and curvy reader

Word count: 9k

Masterlist

This universe is related to my other fic I wrote recently ’one time boy space friend’ you can read that one here.

Washing the excess shaving cream off of my hand I grab my phone I previously placed on the toilet’s folded lid lightly humming the outline of the song currently playing. The new playlist Yoongi recommended is full of bangers as always I have no doubt his fate was eventually to end up as a music major. I take a glance at my reflection when I was able to secure the new position for my phone on the laundry basket with the top slightly open reminding me that I need to do laundry if I want to have clothes to wear.

I take a glance at my reflection removing the fog that made the lines of my face blurry with a towel hanging next to the sink on a hook realising later that I used Yoongi’s looking back at the sheepish smile that greets me in the mirror I placed the fabric back hoping that Yoongi won’t mind.

An unknown rap song’s first beats suddenly interrupted by an incoming call that the familiar piano version of my favourite song signalled. I smile seeing the callers ID, placing the toner back to its dust-filled spot next to Yoongi’s shaving cream I make sure to use the right towel this time to dry my hands with before swiping right on the call.

”Hey, What’s the matter?” I answer it with a huge grin plastered on my face making my cheeks ride up into a chipmunk-like smile.

Our class was cancelled at the last minute so I wasn’t expecting a call from her she told me while we were waiting for the instructor to arrive that she has plans with his boyfriend Jimin. Only having calculus that day after an exchanged heated curses for our lazy professor for not e-mailing about the reschedule I happily took a sweet nap and made an easy breakfast I normally don’t have time to consume or even make in the morning I was able to get my relaxing time to start earlier so it meant more time for me since Yoongi supposedly took the afternoon shift.

This piece of information I remembered while chewing on my sandwich as I thanked the gods that I overheard his conversation about the shift change last night when I went to get my late-night snack but seeing the date expired on the comfort food I had to engage in a yoghurt instead.

”Y/N. Are you home?” She asked matching my good mood in the background I heard clinking noises of a pan she must be cooking. I insert my head through the large black t-shirt’s hole as I started to freeze standing here only in my undergarments the effect of the hot shower faded leaving me in the significantly colder bathroom.

”Of course. I started my pamper routine. I cannot tell you how good it feels to be hairless. If only my hair would grow this fast.” She chuckles hearing my banter the faint sounds of crepitation usually the hot oil makes overpowering her giggle for a few seconds. I remember the sandwich I ate this morning around ten-ish that did not prove to be enough. I get sidetracked with what should I make for lunch.

”Oh, so Yoongi is working?” Knowing about my only one rule regarding this d-day I like to call it is that no man should be around when I’m wearing this revealing clothing. He only saw me wearing jeans and yoga pants before these jelly-like legs cannot make a debut in front of eyes outside of mine.

”Yep.” I confirm. I take a look at the time I still have lots of time to relax before I should start that assignment I postponed.

I have everything planned out since Yoongi usually comes home from work in a grumpy state he likes to shower first and then he retreats into his room to do his assignments and sometimes he writes a song or the song even could be the assignment itself I honestly don’t know how’s everyday life as a music major. Yoongi is not exactly the talkative type.

My silent activity is helping his concentration and the best thing is that I have the apartment by myself to do what I please and leave the comfort of my room wearing what I please without worrying.

The best would be if I could rent out my own apartment but I know I wouldn’t be able to pay it by myself and the fact that Yoongi and I share the expenses of the bill makes things so much more easier.

”Why did you call though? I’m sure it’s not because you already miss me.” Tired of holding the phone up I place it back where it was before leaving the call on speakers so I can rub the cocoa scented lotion into the skin on my legs.

”Right. I almost forgot. Jin taught you that Mexican dish that I don’t know how to pronounce its name, right?” Her voice fades a little mid-sentence probably changed ears hearing the cooking noises seeping through the background she seemed very busy.

”What about it?” I question closing the lid of the lotion after I rub the remaining cream on my hand onto my neck so nothing goes to waste.

”I need the recipe.” She demands. I laugh how desperate she sounds through the phone. I make my way out of the bathroom I need my notebook since I didn’t memorise the dish I only made it once and as it was previously stated with the help of Jin.

”Hold on I don’t remember where I left the notes.” I arrive at the kitchen area placing the phone on the counter I begin rummaging through the drawers bending down to peek at the content of each. Spoons and forks. The second one where Yoongi placed the aprons and towels my notebook must be in the last one. ”So, what are the plans for today?” I ask while still searching for the black shiny cover of my notebook.

”Well, I wanted to cook something Italian since Jimin told me once he wanted to try it out but a crucial ingredient is missing so I thought about making that one you told me about a few weeks ago at Jin’s birthday party. After I’m finally done with this shit I’m going to sneak into his room to give him the blowjob of his life while he’s playing some shit games boys do and tell him lunch is ready.” The huge breath she took before starting the word vomiting makes me praise her lung capacity.

Finally. The book was under the aprons what a hassle. I straighten up turning the pages when I hear the front door opening and shut soon after. I turn to see the face of the intruder as I’m still standing in the middle of the kitchen with my hair evidently wet from the shower I took earlier only in my panties and a huge ass shirt to cover myself with.

Yoongi drops his coffee-stained shirt by the foot of the couch the angle is letting me see the living room area without a problem but he can’t clearly see the kitchen from there but my relief is not long-lasting as my friend decides to choose that moment to speak drawing Yoongi’s attention to where I’m standing.

”Y/N are you still there? Shit. I burnt my finger.” Grabbing the phone off the counter I switch off the speaker option and push the device against my ear.

”Yeah, um, I’ll send you the recipe via message. Good luck. Bye.” I aggressively push the red phone button at the bottom left side of the screen until the call ends. Hearing my voice Yoongi walks through the door separating the living room and the kitchen to halt his steps when he takes the image in.

It’s not one of those best times to ponder over how good looking he’s after finishing work and how he always smells like freshly brewed coffee which is not a surprise knowing the fact that he works at a coffee shop near our rented place.

He doesn’t wear the shirt uniform it must be the one he got rid of because of the stains today he wears a simple white t-shirt with washed-out blue jeans. Focusing on his face again I see that his eyes no longer studying my face instead his gaze dipped lower and I swear he's not so subtle about ogling at my exposed legs. My legs!

”You’re … early.” I talk first considering my options. A, I can still make a run for it but the damage is already done. He saw me. Or B, I can try to make small talk pretending that nothing is embarrassing at all just to later enter my room and dig a hole with all of my self-pity and scream into my pillow.

”Um, there was a shift change but I finished 2 hours early in return.” He explains this time his gaze was on my face the entire time no more strayed glimpses. Fuck. I should have paid attention to the whole conversation. ”Don’t you .. have class normally this time around?” He trails off a faint trace of blush appears on his porcelain skin. I use the notebook to hide my panty line that peeks out of the shirt.

”Class cancelled.” I’m horrified how my voice sounds so high pitched the embarrassment paints my cheeks bright red. ”Um, I have something to do in my room so I’ll be there.” I use the lame excuse to escape from Yoongi when I close the door behind me I close my eyes as well because of the extreme humiliation I had to go through.

My phone buzzes in hand I suddenly remember the recipe I promised. I write a quick message to her attaching the picture of the ingredients and notes to help her with the preparations. Now since I’m done with the responsibilities I can swim in my tears for the time being.

I can’t believe after months of caution fate decided to take away from me the deserved me time days. Yoongi is probably weirded out by me too I don’t know how to look him in the eye from now on and it’s a serious problem. For lords heaven, we live together! There’s no way I can avoid him without being obvious about it.

I mean maybe I’m just overreacting. It’s Yoongi we are talking about. He most of the time doesn’t give a flying fuck about anything he certainly won’t mention it and for obvious reasons I won’t either so I can just leave things like that. Just acting as usual like he didn’t saw my legs and my black underwear not to mention he is the very first one to see it I mean outside of my family of course. He’s a boy. No. A man. And he saw me underdressed like that.

It’s okay Y/N, let’s see the bright side at least he saw me when I was shaved. Well, that doesn’t help. Not at all.

”Shit. I’m hungry.”

I waited an hour and forty minutes to be exact despite the rumble of my stomach I sat down to start the book one of my friends lent me to read and I’m over a quarter of the pages when I decided enough is enough.

I waited long enough so he must be cooped up in his room slash studio for the rest of the day. But to be extra cautious I peeked out before fully leaving the safety of my room. I stop once I step into the corridor listening for any noises that might indicate Yoongi has indeed occupied his nest the soft sounds of the synthesizer helps me to relax I leisurely make my way then in the direction of the kitchen.

As I flip the switch the room is enveloped in light. My favourite mug is sitting on top of the counter even though I don’t remember leaving it there. I walk to take a closer look the mug is filled with coffee it’s in a light brown colour so it must a latte. It smells like latte indeed.

My favourite drink. There’s a note glued to the bottom of the mug it’s a messy handwriting and I don’t have to guess to know to whom this belongs to. How did he know my favourite coffee order?

”Sorry for startling you earlier. - myg”

The simple worded note even had his initials at the end. Realising that I never tried out his coffee made me curious about the taste. He works as a barista so It cannot be bad. I’m always late for class so I never had the chance before going into the shop when he’s on duty and order a drink from him.

Most of the time I’m saving on it and just use the shared coffee machine. Don’t blame me I’m just a broke university student.

But if I drink this I won’t be able to sleep it’s pretty late. Fuck it. I’m going to drink it. Not that the unholy time for coffee consumption deterred me before and picked up on some of Yoongi’s personal characteristics I think I can confidently say he doesn’t care either.

I bite into my lip while carefully straightening the lines out on the sticky note. After I was convinced the note won’t come off of his door I leave to go to bed.

”Thanks for the coffee. I liked it. – Y/N.”

***

”Can you guys stop shovelling food into your mouths for a millisecond. I’m serious!” Hitting the table for further emphasis.

Rori and F/N digging through a pile of food before our morning class is something I got used to first as I befriended them and it doesn’t bother me any other time but I wanted some serious advice for once and they don’t even stop digging to say well that’s was awkward. Or shit that sucks.

Not that I don’t know that without them telling me. I appreciated the note and the subtle apology he didn’t phrase it like hey dummy I’m sorry for seeing your sausage legs my bad. Also, it would be unlikely, too wordy for him he’s tight-lipped even in messages. I don’t remember he ever told me like a two full sentence in one go.

”Serious for what Y/N? He saw your underwear and legs. Tell us if you display your boobs or something. Now, I would be interested.” Rolling my eyes at the sarcastic remark I steal one of her favourite apple pie sticks for good measures.

”Hey! I was going to eat that.” She pouts but I take another big bite out of it. It’s too sweet for my liking but everything for the even sweeter revenge. If there’s one thing I learned about these two throughout the years of knowing them is that they take their food very seriously. ”Look. We love you, that’s why I’m going to tell you this. It’s not a big deal.” She pats my cheek before picking up her fork again.

”So what happened F/N. Did you gave Jimin the blowjob of his life?” I used a quote mark at the end of the sentence just how she phrased it yesterday. Rori is more interested in that, of course, there’s nothing more important than sex.

”Let me say the food was cold once we were finished.” She chuckled bashfully. Do I have the right set of friends? Maybe I should be pickier about who I call as a friend.

”So he’s big?” Rori asked with a smirk and I almost spitted out the diet coke onto the dining table. We are in a fucking coffee shop for god damn good. Thankfully not the one Yoongi works for but I think he has morning class so he won’t be working either way.

”Please don’t go into details.” I plea and Rori presents me with a devilish grin while picking the chicken breasts out of my salad.

”It’s fine Y/N. I was a virgin too before Jimin. Your time will come, not that it’s a choice.” F/N tries to console me.

”It’s a choice just not mine.” I murmur it under my nose stabbing my salad with the fork before chewing on it without the meat it’s quite sour.

”Yeah. It’s because you and F/N are both have big sticks up your asses.” Used to her blunt remarks I’m not even hurt or surprised for that matter. The busy cafe drowns out the voices of their inappropriate talk at least.

��It’s not our fault that you fuck every man with a pulse.” F/N retorts back with a giggle satisfied with the remark we exchange high fives.

”How do you know it’s a requirement?” Rori lifts one of her brows making us do gagging motions.

”Ugh, That’s disgusting.” I abandon the food on my plate that was a bit too much and we are in the middle of breakfast.

”A person cannot even joke here? I wasn’t serious. Duh.” I should really search for those new friends.

”That’s something I can believe.” The insult wasn’t even spoken out too loud but she heard me all the same and it earned a kick under the table from Rori with his high heels, I returned the glare she sent my way.

***

”Oh, hi.” I step aside to let Yoongi enter, he furrows his brows in concentration if I wasn’t running late I would ponder over the fact how he measures my body by centimetres. I fidget with my earrings but without a mirror, it’s a difficult task to carry out.

”I thought we’re going to meet with the guys at 8.” Realising the motive behind his stare I nod furiously.

”Yeah. But Rori accepted that guy’s offer to taste wines and she’s afraid she’s going to be abducted so me and F/N will accompany her.” I tell him and he doesn’t seem pleased I wasn’t either at first but I hope he won’t do anything with three girls there.

”Be careful. Anyone else knows about this?” He asks with evident worry lacing his voice he steps closer helping to finally get that chape snap into place.

”Jimin knows and I think Jungkook knows too.” Once he’s done he restores the distance between the two of us. ”Also you know F/N she’s apt to be violent.” Yoongi nods.

”Fuck. I’m late.” I swear as I look at the time. With hurried steps, I pick up my boots and size up my keys ready to leave.

”See you later.” Hearing his voice calling out to me I look back smiling a little managing to whisper back a ’see you later’ of my own. I think this was the longest conversation I held with him so far, what a shame I couldn’t stay to talk more.

The wine tasting went better than I expected. That guy is filthy rich he gave us a little tour around the house before letting us each pick out 5 wines of our liking. We learned that he’s a sports major he’s a swimmer and he told us stories about his practises with the swimming team and talked awfully long about his wins and trophies. To be honest he seemed like a bit eccentric and pompous for me but Rori liked him.

We were late because our taxi on its way to the bar got into a little traffic jam. I got a text from Yoongi at the same time F/N got one from Jimin they were curious about where we are and how we are. We wrote back a short text that we’re almost there.

”So? Whose’s the guy?” Jin asked once we are seated down. F/N took her place next to Jimin and Rori beside her leaving me with the only option of sitting down next to Yoongi at the other side of the table.

Once I’m comfortably seated I look around the table I catch in the corner of my eye Namjoon and Jungkook taking shots. Yoongi grabs his alcoholic beverage before him from the table our shoulders brush against each other due to the motion. I bite the inside of my cheeks don’t want to fidget in place.  

”He’s a sports major.” Rori told Jin she told him about our little tour but she conveniently left out the offer about a threesome that I politely declined.

”Oh Y/N you remember that guy who wanted to get your phone number?” Scrunching my nose as the scene flashed before my eyes, of course, I remember. That was one of my most awkward moments and believe me when I say there’s a lot of option to choose from on my list and it’s still the worst. As far as I know, that guy was a sports major too and he was very persistent.

”Yes, what about him?” I nod. I try to shoo the pictures out of head but a forming blush creeping up my neck quicker than I realise.

”Well he’s here. And he’s coming this way.” F/N tells without looking my way her eyes trained behind my form probably to report back his every move. I physically have to hold myself back from whimpering and its not the good kind.

”Shit.” I bite my lower lip don’t want to make things more obvious I don’t turn around to confirm it.

”Oh. I remember. You gave him Rori’s number, don’t you?” Jungkook, you traitor. He was with me when it happened I was flustered enough that he asked Jungkook is my boyfriend or not that I didn’t want to expand my suffering so I gave him my friend's number. She told me if someone I don’t want tries to get into my pants and bothers me I can use her number as a bait knowing her even though my pants were not on the line I still did that. Well, she did more than that after.

”Then what’s the problem?” Jin asks so invested in our conversation that I want to smack him on the neck.

”I was sexting with him and we fucked.” She shrugs. That was what I tried to say. I really don’t want to face that guy.

I stand up with so much vehemency that I almost knock down a glass from the table it’s Yoongi’s empty glass at the bottom of it there’s a thin line of whiskey left. Yoongi grabs my thighs to stabilise me. Looking over his shoulder I saw that said guy indeed walking into this direction.

”Uh, please dance with me?” I grab Yoongi’s hand surprising him for a moment or two but lets me pull him up.

”You have a habit of running away, huh?” I look back to get a grip at the situation. I led Yoongi into the dance floor even though I don’t even know how to dance. He sees the panic settling in my face so he starts guiding me with his hand flat against my lower back. There’s a lot of bodies to avoid so Yoongi is extremely close.

”I don’t like confrontation.” I subtly hide behind his broad shoulders I can see it on him how he tries to stop himself from laughing. I like the sound of his laugh.

”I’m aware.” He purrs into my ear pulling me closer by a hand wrapped around my waist the sweet scent of his cologne hits me like a tone of bricks. I’m painfully aware how his body touches mine my breast pushed against his flat ribcage I can feel him inhaling and exhaling the used oxygen.

”Y-your hand Yoongi.” His hand is dangerously low on my back I’m sure he feels the curve of my ass under his fingers. The bar is dimly lit so my blush remains subtle in a certain extent seeing me blush so many times I wouldn’t be surprised if he would recognise it before it fully blooms on my face.

”What about it?” He clearly wants me to say it but there’s no way I’m going to bluntly say that his hand touches my ass. Rather die.

”What are you doing? Are you drunk?” I defensively ask answering the question with my own questions. He openly finds my antics amusing because this time he laughs. That gummy smile makes my knees weak for him he strengthens his hold on my waist like he knows it.

”My car is here. I’m as sober as I can be.” The hand I placed on his chest when he suddenly pulled me closer itched. He’s touching me and he’s sober. Heaving a sigh he replaces them around his neck I can’t relish in the feeling as his hand on my ass beyond doubt gone since he places it back soon after even lower. The grin he shows me makes me want to give him my fist instead of my virginity.

”Then why are you touching me?” My confidence wavered significantly as he lowered his head his lips closer than ever but instead of kissing me, he blows air into my ear riling me up with the gesture.

”This makes you uncomfortable?” I wanted to say yes, but the full truth would be it’s undeniably uncomfortable and exciting it makes my blood boil under my skin and it scares me how much I want him to touch me tossing aside my insecurities just to feel him like this. At least he knows his boundaries. I don’t know what would I do if his hand suddenly moved.

”No. I’m just embarrassed.” I nervously twist a hair at the nape of his neck didn’t realise the act just when I did it.

”You ran away because you were embarrassed yesterday too?” I stop toying with his hair once the words register in my head. Is he talking about the kitchen incident? And here I thought that there’s nothing more that could make the situation more awkward.

”Y-yes.” The confidence I felt before left me I shy away from his eyes the way he sized me up that day still vivid in my head.

”Why?” A perfect arch of his eyebrows indicating that he wants his answer this time and I am about to give him.

”Because you were staring at me.” I tell him oh so matter of factly. He practically beams at the offered answer the glint in his eyes telling me that’s the answer he seeks in the first place and he has his own set of words in return.

”Wanna know what I thought about while staring at you?” His eyes pinning me to my spot I wouldn’t dare to move away even if I wanted to he seemed determined to get under my skin and maybe under my clothes too.

”No.” I challenge drunk by the boldness maybe the gin tonic I consumed earlier and the wines finally appearing be to be the liquid courage I needed. Reading between the lines Yoongi tells me despite the answer.

”I imagined how you would look like wearing my shirt. It would cover you below your knees since you are tiny. Tell me you’re wearing one of those black panties I saw before?” I don’t answer but I let him pat my knee I can feel his warm palm under the fabric of my jeans he continues with more words even bolder than the first.

”I imagined how you would look like under me on my bed wrapping those long legs around my waist.” Affected by his words I mirror his hungry expression. He’s normally not a man of so many words and hearing him talk this much makes me feel special that he’s talking to me because he feels the need to let me know what’s plaguing his mind. I entertain the idea that maybe he wasn’t sure how to convey the message since I’m so shy he didn’t have a lot of opportunity cornering me before the kitchen incident. Perhaps it was the undo he needed.

”Tell me Y/N. Do you find me attractive?” His fingers stroke the flesh of my jaw he’s getting confident as I don’t push him away.

”You are attractive.” I tell him honestly and he grins but not in a malice kind of way his grin more like a boyish grin that boys wear after hearing that their high school crush likes them back. The happy kind of grin.

”Have you thought about me too? Like I did.” The next question hits differently it’s not so innocent and I wasn’t in the illusion he is.

”Yes.” Holding onto the boldness I agree.

”Tell me.” He urges. He’s sober I remember. Avoiding his stare I let my shyness getting to the best of me he brushes a strand of hair behind my ears coaxing out the reply. It feels nice to be touched by him.

”It’s embarrassing.”

”I told you mine. You have to tell me your fantasies so I can make them come true.” He trails a finger following the line of my collarbone my outfit leaves literally everything to the imagination the only skin he can feel is on my arms.

”You’re unfair.” I whine the words out Yoongi stops his movements to see the emotions behind my eyes. He seems confused by my conflicted expression. His eyes were always expressive and I loved staring at them. Those rare moments shared, eating together at the weekends letting me hear one of his song he proudly introduces.

”How so?”

I take a deep breath cupping his cheeks. ”You look good with dyed hair but I prefer it black. You look the best when you come home from work all sweaty because the air conditioner still not gotten repaired in your workplace so you always take a shower before doing anything else.” There’s glint catching the light in his orbs watching me closely while I tell him the things I locked away in my memories. He caresses my wrist with a raised hand the other directly resting upon mine as it's his face still trapped between the heels of my palms.

”I like your voice.” I let the words flow out like a river caught up in a thunderstorm. ”I always wanted to know how it would sound like moaning my name. I like your hands too.”

”What about them?” A big smile stretches his face knowing too well he won. I don’t feel the frustration of losing I’d gladly accept this fate again and again if it will give me the same results at the end of this.

”Yoongi.” I whine.

”Did you imagined this? Or this?” His hands leaving their position fondling the flesh on my hip hiding me behind his body he walks a hand up my decolletage.

”Stop, we are in public.” I hiss.

”No one pays attention Y/N. But I’ll gladly take this to the bedroom.” The offer temps me but I remember the boys.

”We can’t. You are the only sober one and the guys need their ride home.” I reason and Yoongi groans in frustration. He forgot about them already. He looks at the booth the others are drinking and laughing.

”If I tell Namjoon to stop drinking he would be sober enough to drive them back.”

I shake my head it would be too dangerous and considering he competed with Jungkook about who can take more shots I bet he’s drunk like a donkey alongside with the younger boy. ”I’m drunk too.” I tell him when he tries to come up with more solution.

”Fine.” Yoongi hugs me close probably to hide his displeased face doesn’t want to sound so desperate maybe he’s embarrassed.

”Don’t be like that. I promise if in the morning when I sobered up you still want to do it I’ll let you.”

He perks up gently pushing me away to look into my eyes. ”Let me do what?”

”Let you take me.”

 ***

I feel something warm tickling my sides a sudden wave of cold air hits my stomach but the cold soon replaced with a warm and wet feel against my skin. My eyes narrowly open I try to fidget away wrapping my fingers around the comforter when I feel that wet and warm feeling on my thighs.

Hands and tongue. The fog in front of my eyes clears I don’t remember when did I fell asleep or how did I end up here. Where am I? I spot the synthesizer in the corner Yoongi’s synthesizer. Yoongi’s room.

”Yoongi, what .. ah” My voice raspy from sleep the way he rubbed his nose into my neck just to deliver a long kiss to it after halted my question before I was able to voice it out.

”Did I wake you up. My bad.” He smiled into my skin loving the way my heart beats erratically with his every touch, his hand above my breast feeling the movements of it.

”You don’t sound so sorry about it.”

”Do you have a headache?” He caresses the side of my face helping to curl the locks behind my ear that interfered with my vision. The thoughtful gesture made me smile up at his face mirroring his expression of tenderness.

”No I’m good. I didn’t drink that much.” My fingers itch to touch his face maybe it’s because of the dreamy state I’m currently in that I have the confidence in doing so. I brush my hands through his bangs his eyes closing the caress urges a smile he grabs my hands once I’m about to pull away to move it against his mouth giving a small kiss onto my palm before intertwining them with his much larger ones.

I could get used to this. The image of him looking so raw and so vulnerable his eyes puffy with sleep lazy motions of his fingertip exploring my body under the duvet. My shirt is rolled up just below my breasts the shirt’s neck hangs around my shoulder in a loose coverage it smells like Yoongi just like the covers. Looking down I realise it’s not my shirt. It’s his.

”Glad to hear that. I want you to repeat your promise to me.” Yoongi burrows his face into my neck again his hair brushing against my bare skin the hand that’s not holding mine drops under the covers finding my hip guiding me to drape my right leg over his waist facing each other sideways.

”Promise? Can you be more specific?” I boldly move my hand caressing with feather-light touches his side I can feel his bare torso and hips under my fingers he shivers and not because of the cold. He’s shivering because I touched him and he’s not wearing a shirt. The thought crosses my mind that the shirt I’m wearing is the one he did wear the whole day but not now. Every other day I would be embarrassed but I quite liked the idea of wearing his clothes in his bed.

”A tease I see.” He recovered quicker than I would like he gave a quick peck onto my shoulder where his shirt didn’t cover that much skin. He cupped my breast above the fabric of my bra the sudden feel of him squeezing me there I whined a little bit too loudly. I pulled my hand away shielding my face due to embarrassment.

”Yoongi.” I shyly call his name. He let his hand stay there but he remained motionless giving my hands each a kiss just where my eyes would be if I didn’t hide behind my limbs. His hand felt warm against me where my bra wasn’t covering his two fingers rested directly on the skin of my breast.

”Do I have your consent baby?” I gulp my shy personality says no but my body says yes for me.

”You can have anything.” I place my palm against his that lays on my body my eyes still closed but I don’t shield my face anymore. The words came out as whispers even though I wanted him to hear me say it. I wanted him to go on.

”Love. Answer me.” I open my eyes again when I feel his hand leave my boobs to cup my face with it instead.

”You can have me. You can fuck me. Did it answer your question or should I be more specific?” I wet my lips poking my tongue against the inside of my cheeks trying to calm down the rapid movement of my heart my hands shook as I grip his hair moving my mouth against his to not just say but show my consent. I want this. I want him.

”No. I think it was explicit enough, I like seeing you blush.” Hearing him say that makes me blush harder and he gifts me with a gummy smile basking in the responsive reactions. I would be more embarrassed if I wouldn’t feel the sticky substance dampening my underwear.

”Do you have something in mind? A preference? Or can I surprise you.” The way he explicitly asks about my sexual preferences makes him appear hotter a new wave of arousal hits me making me grind my thighs together forgetting that Yoongi’s leg is between them. I know he felt the wetness but doesn’t comment on it he instead pushes his knees further up parting my legs.

”You d-decide.” I moan when his knee brushes against my crotch. He hummed delighted by my answer. Placing back his hand once more squeezing my breasts before undoing the clasps behind my back. He slowly lets the material fall he strictly looks into my eyes not wandering downwards seeking out my every reaction. I gave him a little nod he takes it as the permission he needed he moves the cover so he can take a look.

”So pretty.” He sighs into my skin he turns my body to be flat against the bed the cold sheets meeting with my back goosebumps travelling up my spine. ”So soft.” He mumbles the endless of praises dragging his fingers over a nipple before licking it with his tongue a choked moan leaves my parted lips his hair gently caressing the skin. He circles the nipple with his poked out tongue kneading the other neglected one with his free hand. Mewls and sighs, in turn, filling the room trying to keep my voice quiet but it’s hard since the only thing I can concentrate on is his mouth on me and his hands those long fingers as he drags them down on my body a finger slides under the waistband of my panty he stretches the material out before letting it snap back into place. The uncomfortable feeling of it sticking to my folds gets frustrating by every passing minute.

”You smell good.” His raspy voice helps me return from my sudden astonishment I scrape his scalp with my long nails as I weave my fingers through his hair he lets out a low growl my skin covering up the noise the vibration he sends up my body by it makes me tighten my legs around his waist my underwear covered cunt pressed against his firm chest forces a not so silent whine out.

”It’s m-my lotion.” I reply absentmindedly. He hums into my collarbone not sure my answer registered truly in his brain I feel him taking a big inhale before pulling away he pushes himself up with the help of his hands planted beside my head looking with heavily lidded eyes taking in my hazed eyes and swollen lips before connecting our mouths. I almost forgot how good of a kisser Yoongi is.  

The light touch against my inner thigh makes my hip jolt up in surprise Yoongi’s eager mouth swallows all the sounds and whimpers. ”Relax.” He purrs aiming for my hips soothing circles into my skin. I take a few deep breaths Yoongi waits patiently for me to calm down a little the way his eyes sizing me up like I’m some kind of goddess eases some of my nerves. Once he’s positive I’m not going to run away he lets his palm touch me the barrier that’s my underwear stays in place as he drags his fingers directly onto my heat. I feel it throb under his ministrations having confidence after a few moans I let out he gets bolder using more pressure to dip between my folds the underwear’s silky touch lets him move smoothly. ”Can I feel it? I want to make sure you’re wet enough before I do anything else.” Nodding even before the question was fully out I anticipate a laugh or something to tease me about my eagerness. I don’t think I wanted someone this bad before to touch me. But he doesn’t laugh he seems as eager as I feel. He slides a finger under the damp material but he retreats too soon. ”Please, can I take it off?” To persuade me further if his plea wasn’t enough he rubs his fingers where my clit is over my panty. The plea was enough but I’m not complaining. I manage to signal him with a breathy yes. Don’t have to tell him twice he slides the ruined material down my legs his big warm hands gripping my inner thighs preventing my legs from closing before he can take a look.

”Look at that. So pink and swollen for me.” Previously he was careful with every move waiting for approval before doing anything bold but like he’s lost all the continence in him Yoongi drags two fingers up my folds coating his fingers with my arousal letting just the tip of his fingers penetrating just to pull back. I let out the loudest moan blushing as I realise just how loud I sounded but Yoongi doesn’t seem to mind, not at all. He wanted to coax more of those sounds as he bent down parting the lips with his tongue letting out his own moans while tasting me and if it’s even possible at this point I feel more turned on than ever.

”Warm too. Sorry, my love, my hands are a little cold but I hope you don’t mind.” He finally slips a finger in my eyes slightly open he watches me with a grin loving the way I squirm wanting it chuckles deep and I don’t mind at all. The stretch his one digit means feels familiar reminding me when I was chasing relief on my own but his fingers are so so much better longer and thicker. I can’t wait to feel the second one.

”I want to make you cum on my tongue.” Delivering a kittenish lick sucking on my clit for the demonstration before he goes on. ”Just to bring you another orgasm with my fingers.” Yoongi curls the one finger in me rubbing it into my throbbing walls ”Lastly let you cum around my cock.” He throws his head back moaning sinfully just thinking he’s about to make everything he said come true. ”You deserve at least three orgasms but I shouldn’t be greedy your virgin cunt can’t handle three.” He eases another finger in this time the stretch is a bit more uncomfortable.

”Let’s start with two.” He says settled with the idea he places a wet kiss onto my hip before finding my abused clit again sucking and rolling it around his tongue my walls contacts around his two digits I feel the sticky substance coating my inner thighs and dripping onto the sheets the mess, the way Yoongi’s hair tickle my thighs, the way he moves his fingers inside me, the pleasure gets overwhelming something starts to build up promising a relief I never had the chance of feeling before.

”Yoongi fuck, Yoongi” His name spills from my mouth and it seems to encourage him to be faster.

”It’s fine.” He tells before sucking harshly on my clit. ”Cum for me.” The proud grin he forms still buried between my legs and the vibration of his hum makes my legs shake I let my head fall back into the pillows closing my eyes until I see literal stars.

He stops lapping my juices once I’m finished the proud smile still plastered on his face licking his lips capturing the remaining of my pleasure. He looks so hot. I never knew I’m capable of coming this hard.

”Good?” Placing a kiss onto my nose he caresses my arms I didn’t realise I was grabbing onto the sheets this tight I let Yoongi place my hands onto his shoulder blades he moves to get between my legs once more.

Instead of answering, I can’t help but impatiently point out. ”You’re still wearing clothes.” I grab his hips pulling on his sweatpants playfully.

”Wanna take it off?” He asks smirking. I roll my eyes at his cockiness not that he’s all talk when it comes to his skills but he has more ego than he can manage and I’m not going to increase it for him.

”So what? Don’t tell me you are not eager even more than me to bury your dick into my virgin pussy.” His eyes grow bigger for a split second before it regains its original state, so he can be startled too. I’m surprised by my boldness, but god, it’s worth it seeing him so fucked up by those words.

”You’re playing a dangerous game Y/N. I need my self-control right now.” Something shifted in his eyes he looks like he’s about to devour me. Yoongi shifts onto his knees to get rid of the final barriers between us. I close my eyes my shyness returns too soon but Yoongi doesn’t mind it I open my eyes again as he positions myself above me placing a firm kiss onto my lips he senses I’m anxious.

”Do you trust me?” Seeing the open vulnerability in his shiny orbs, not entirely clouded by lust makes my head swim with a lot of suppressed emotion. I feel the urge to smile lifting my head from the pillows beneath me I give him a peck.

”Of course I am.” I kinda like you. I bite into my lips before the next sentence could slip through we’ll talk about this another time. Right, the only thing I want to focus on is Yoongi. Only Yoongi. His tip brushes against my stomach, shit, I haven’t seen how big he is. His lip pressed to mine swallows the tiny moan leaving my lips as he pushes the first inch inside parting my walls in a painful stretch. Fuck. He’s big.

”Tight.” Yoongi moans, more in pleasure than I am currently in but it’s ok. He made me cum I want to see him cum too. ”Relax for me angel I won’t hurt you I promise.” Relishing in the way he caresses my side I try to relax my body he pushes another inch in slowly his tip must be fully buried by now.

”That’s right. You’re doing so well.” He praises his eyebrows knit together in concentration he’s holding himself back because of me. Touched by the gesture I move my hip to meet his advances he slips in deeper than he intended his groan significantly louder by the sudden pleasure.

”Does it hurt?” He pulls himself together to keep the eye contact he caresses the skin under my eye I nod before answering.

”A little.”

”Let’s try a few more thrusts if it still hurts after that I’ll stop and eat you out again. Shit. Maybe I should have made you cum again for the extra lubrication.” Yoongi regretfully gazes at my face.

”It’s fine. Just go slow.” I say the burning is bearable I’m getting used to the feeling slowly but not sure if I can cum again.

”My baby is so tight.” I’m definitely a sucker for those pet names. It helps me focus on his words instead of his slow thrusts. ”I want to make you feel as good as you make me feel. Feeling you wrapped around me a dream come true.” I experimentally squeeze around him and he lets out a loud moan his head nestled into my neck groaning and moaning between filthy words his pace got quicker but I don’t stop him even though it’s not feeling as good as him eating me out. I want to please him though and by the sounds, he seems very pleased.

”Are you alright?” He stops after hearing a louder whiny moan on my part but I don’t let him I circle my hips in place dragging out moans from him but he forces himself to reset his previous slower pace. I’m not having any of it. I want him to cum and want it soon.

”Yoongi” I whine out his name an idea foggily forming at the back of my head. ”Yoongi, I wanna ride you.”

”Are y-you sure?” He stills inside of me waiting for the confirmation and I nod inviting him into a kiss that turns slopy by time. I feel his hands grabbing at my waist to change position this way he sinks in deeper.

Holy shit it feels so much better.

”Fuck. Do you like this?” He grips my hips dragging his cock touching every sensitive part in me as my walls swallow his shaft he pulls me up just to let me sink down with a needy moan I’m starting to feel the appeal.

”Yes. I-ah-think.” I can almost picture the way my eyes roll back behind my skull right now. What was I saying? ”Go faster.” I choke out and Yoongi with a following set of groans obligates I’m too far gone to pay attention to how Yoongi watches with hungry eyes that I ruin the bedsheets.

”I like that you are so messy.” He places a stray hair behind my ears our chests pressed together so he can thrust up faster and harder. Yoongi holds me in place taking control the way his eyes shuts involuntarily and his member twitching inside of me signals that he’s close.

He’s breathtakingly beautiful as he reaches his high he’s so lost in the pleasure my walls provide so tight around him that he doesn’t have the mind to kiss me back so I just press them together for a minute longer. My legs ache because of the exercise but I let him use me to ride out his high the pretty sounds and satisfied look he gives me once seated firmly inside me with our mixed cum spilling out he looks down where our body connects rubbing the skin of my hip lovingly while watching me ruin his sheets. He likes that I’m messy.

”I hope you like me back because I don’t think I could fuck anyone else from now on.” I end up in a pit of laughter leaning my head on his shoulder he feels my body shake with the motion Yoongi whines in overstimulation when I accidentally squeeze his spent member. I peck the skin where my head previously rested before searching for Yoongi’s eyes.

”I do like you back.” I admit it shyly even though there’s nothing to be shy about his dick is still inside for fuck’s sake.

”Glad to hear that.” His grin returns faster than the speed of light. ”I thought I fucked your brains out when you suddenly started laughing. I was concerned for a minute.” I try to hit his shoulder but he’s faster grabbing my hand by the wrist and gives the flesh an attentive kiss the gesture is sweet and melts my heart.

”How are you feeling?” It’s cute how he seeks my reassurance. He lets me move away careful when pulling out so I can finally take the previous position lying down.

”Hm, sore but good. I just need .. some time. I don’t think I can stand up just yet.” I offer my honest reply burying my nose into the duvet that got tossed aside. He leaves the room making me confused but once he’s back with a towel in hand I pierce two and two together. It’s his towel. The thought is enough to make me blush furiously.

”Spread your legs for me.” I take the request as an order shyly spreading my legs so he can clean me up. ”There. All cleaned up.” The bed squeaks under the weight of his one knee pushing me further into the sheets. Yoongi bows down to kiss me his tongue teases my lips as we kiss asking for permission that I eagerly permit.

[just-a-poor-boy-queen]

Part 16 of Jimercury Kid series

Baba had always told Khaleel that listening in on other people’s conversations was “very rude,” and he should never do it. But this time, as far as the five-year-old was concerned, it really wasn’t his fault.

It all started when one of his toy trains broke while he was playing with it, so he wandered off to find his daddy to see if he could fix it. He heard Daddy’s voice coming from the kitchen, accompanied by Uncle Phoebe’s, but before he could reach over and turn the door handle, he heard Daddy say, ‘I’m telling you Phoebe, he can be such a little brat sometimes.’

Khaleel froze, his big blue-green eyes going wide as he heard the anger in his Daddy’s voice, and he immediately dropped his hand back to his side. He wasn’t entirely sure what a “brat” was, but from the way his daddy spoke, it wasn’t something good. And his daddy used the word “little” so he must have been talking about Khaleel. No one else in the house was little. Except maybe the cats.

‘I know, I know.’ Replied Uncle Phoebe. ‘Trust me, I’m aware of what a little shit he can be.’

Khaleel felt his cheeks burn. Again, he wasn’t exactly sure what a “shit” was, but he knew it was a naughty word that he was never allowed to say. And Uncle Phoebe had used the word “little” as well, so they were definitely talking about him.

‘He was pestering me all morning and now he’s in a mood.’ Daddy went on. ‘Honestly, I don’t know why I put up with it.’

The hands holding the toy train began to shake. Khaleel hadn’t meant to annoy his daddy that morning. He just wanted him to stop gardening so he would play with him. He was upset when Daddy said no and told him to go and play inside, but he hadn’t thought he was that cross with him.

‘I swear,’ Daddy went on, ‘the next time he acts up like that, I’m going to put him across my knee and give him a good spanking.’

Khaleel shook so hard, he almost dropped the train altogether. He knew exactly what a spanking was. He still remembered a few years back, when he had scared Daddy by grabbing his shears and Daddy had smacked him on his bottom as punishment. It hadn’t really hurt, but it was still scary, and Daddy had promised never to do it again.

But Daddy had lied.

Uncle Phoebe laughed loudly in response, ‘I’d pay to see that!’

Khaleel’s heart sank. He thought Uncle Phoebe loved him, that he might stick up for him. But even he wanted him to get a spanking. Tears welled up in the little boy’s eyes and he ran away from the kitchen door as fast as he could, upstairs to his bedroom where he hid under his duvet, trying to muffle his sobs.

He didn’t want a spanking. He had to be on his best behaviour from now on.

--

Freddie hadn’t heard a peep out of Khaleel all evening.

He arrived home from the studio just before dinnertime but wasn’t greeted by the excited five-year-old jumping into his arms like he usually was. He found Khaleel in his bedroom, playing quietly with his trains and when he asked the little boy if he was okay, the child simply nodded and continued playing without saying another word.

Freddie was worried but tried not to let it eat away at him. He had always been the more overprotective parent and Jim often had to reassure him that sometimes kids just did weird things, it wasn’t always something to be alarmed about. So, he allowed Khaleel to remain in his room until Phoebe called them all to dinner.

When Khaleel arrived at the table, he was as white as a ghost. He pulled out his chair carefully, as if terrified he’d knock it over and used his cutlery in slow motion, bringing it up to his mouth with great care that it didn’t fall off his fork.

‘Darling, are you alright?’ Freddie asked, finally cracking as he leaned across to feel his son’s forehead, ‘you don’t look well.’

Khaleel just nodded and went back to eating, glancing at Jim nervously every now and then.

Eventually, his parents fell into conversation, and he breathed a small sigh of relief as he finished his meal without making any mess. He had even eaten all his vegetables, even his carrots, which he hated. Daddy would definitely be happy about that. (1/2)

He reached over to pick up the glass of milk beside his plate, when Freddie suddenly said, ‘Khaleel?’ making him jump out of his skin. The glass slipped from his hands and toppled over onto the table, milk spilling everywhere.

‘Whoops!’ Jim cried, jumping up to grab the paper towels from the kitchen nearby.

Khaleel immediately burst into tears and jumped out of his chair, running to Jim, and wrapping his little arms around his father’s leg before he could leave the room. ‘I’m sorry, I’m sorry Daddy! I didn’t mean to!’

Jim blinked in surprise at the child’s hysteria and, forgetting the paper towels, kneeled down to gently pull his son close. ‘Hey, hey, don’t worry. It was an accident, sweetheart. No point crying over spilt milk.’

He was trying to make him laugh but Khaleel just cried harder, throwing his arms around Jim’s neck. ‘Please don’t smack me, Daddy! I’m sorry I was naughty, I’m sorry!’

‘Kenny, what on earth are you talking about?’ Freddie got up from his chair, looking from his son to his husband, ‘what’s going on?’

‘I-I heard Daddy talking to Uncle Phoebe.’ Khaleel stammered between sobs, still clinging to Jim. ‘He s-said I was a little brat a-and he was g-going to spank me next time I’m naughty.’

Freddie looked aghast. He glared at Jim with fire in his eyes. ‘You said what?’

The colour drained from Jim’s face. He managed to prise the little boy from his bear hug and softly told him to go and wait in the lounge while he and Baba had a little chat. Khaleel continued to sob and beg, but once he was reassured that he wasn’t going to be punished he calmed down and allowed Phoebe to take him into the lounge to play with his toys. No sooner had the dining room door closed, Freddie erupted.

‘I can’t believe you, Jim Hutton!’ He thundered, not caring if the whole neighbourhood heard him. ‘How dare you – how dare you say such things about our son!’

‘Freddie.’ Jim said, unusually calm considering the situation. ‘It’s not what you think.’

‘Not what I think?! Our child overheard you talking about smacking him! Something you promised never to do again! How could you?!’

‘Freddie-’

‘No wonder he’s been so quiet today, he was terrified of being punished! I can’t believe you’ve been having such vile conversations behind my back, and to Phoebe of all people-!’

‘Freddie, I was talking about you!’

Freddie’s voice immediately cut off and he allowed his mouth to hang open a second, his hand still raised in a jabbing motion. The pair of them stared at each other, the only sound to be heard being that of Romeo and Lily faintly squabbling in the background.

Then Freddie started to laugh. Uncontrollable giggles that made him clutch his stomach and almost keel over, cackling until the tears pricked at his eyes. He could hear Jim laughing too and soon the pair of them were near hysterics, clutching each other as their bodies shook along with each chuckle, until Freddie took a deep breath and managed to pull himself together long enough to speak.

‘You were talking about me?’ He panted, wiping at his eyes.

Jim nodded, looking a little embarrassed. ‘I was still annoyed about that argument we had this morning – you know, when you were nagging me about forgetting to rake the leaves yesterday.’

Freddie pouted. ‘I was not nagging.’

‘I told Phoebe that I thought you were acting like a brat and if you behaved that way again, I’d put you over my knee.’ Jim’s face was flushed red, though he couldn’t help chuckling again. ‘Poor Kenny must have overheard us and thought I was talking about him.’

‘Oh dear.’ Freddie sighed, rubbing his tired eyes, exhausted from the sudden influx of emotions he had just experienced. ‘I’m sorry, darling. I shouldn’t have exploded at you like that before I got my facts straight.’

‘You were just being your usual, protective self.’ Jim replied, understanding as always. ‘Now the question is, how are we going to explain this to Khaleel?’

‘We’ll think of something.’ Freddie turned to start walking towards the dining room door. Before he left, he glanced back at Jim over his shoulder, sticking his backside out rather suggestively. ‘So, you plan to spank me, do you? Is that a threat, Mr Hutton?’

‘No, Mr Mercury.’ Jim replied, smirking. ‘That’s a promise.’ (2/2)

--------------------------------------------------

Ahhhhh another (sort of) spanking fic! I loved the banter at the end ahaha—I can imagine what they did after putting Kenny to sleep lmao.

Speaking of Kenny, oof, bless his little heart. You've displayed the simple reasoning of a child so well—his daddy used the word little, thus he must be the topic of conversation. Poor baby, being so afraid to break any rule.

Also lmao, Jim and Phoebe gossiping about Freddie is my new favourite thing.

I absolutely adored this part, anon! This was so sweet, and sensitive and funny and flirty—an entire package💙

(More drabbles by writer anon)

[snickiebear]

yo nadia <3333 i'm bored in my online classes and u reblogged the questions thingy at the right time lmao, so get ready: 1, 4, 5, 9, 10, 17, 23, 24, 28, 30!!!, 34, 38, 39, 40 (the intimacy of being understood) (imma stop here lol) (also i'm sorry u're not feeling well, ily and hope u'll feel better soon!! <33333)

ELE ILY. (and thank you, i’m stayin home today cause,,, yeah. i appreciate you sm.) you’re the literal best, i adore you. 

1. How long ago did you start reading fanfiction? Writing fanfiction?

The first fanfiction i read was for The Lunar Chronicles when I was like 11?? and it was 100% on accident and it scarred me because it was a hardcore porn one with a period kink and i was like WHAT IS THIS??? OH MY GOD???? LMAOOOOO i didn’t pick it back up until i was 13-14 and really got into the Fairy Tail fandom. I still reread my favorites on ff.net cause i love them. 

As for writing, I wrote a horrible, terrible x-men fanfiction when I was twelve. (my friend still brings it up and REFUSES to delete it so it still gets comments and views, that shit HAUNTS ME ELE.) then tried again for Fairy Tail, posted like two chapters before taking it down cause i wasn’t really feeling it. And then I posted The Intimacy Of Being Understood and here we are. 

4. Link your three favorite fics right now.

OMGG okok 

@murd3rm1ttens ‘s The Problem How Time Works IF YOU HAVENT READ THIS YOU GUYS NEED TO HOP ON IT ASAP. MITTEN’S WRITING SO SO SO SO GOOD. SAKURA AND INO ARE TOTAL BADASSES. KAKASHI IS A SIMPPPP. ITS SO FUCKING GOOD. 

@mouseymightymarvellous ‘s We Were Screaming In Color (Only A Possibility) yes, yes I KNOW. i always point into mousey’s direction but i WILL always advocate that everyone reads her fics, they’re literally so beautiful???? i just happen to be rereading WWSIN rn 

@safelycapricious ‘s Shaking Up And Breaking Down series. I found this like?? idfk but i’ve been raving about it ever since. ALSO CHECK OUT THEIR FICS IN GENERAL. 

fuck i have more than three but also check out @ambivalens999 ‘s Masks

i do wanna make a fic rec thing where i just rav about my favs,,, might do that later or sum

5. What are your fanfic pet peeves? Do they have a huge effect on whether or not you decide to read something?

Omniscient third person. I don’t like it. Like I can understand that it can be a little hard to stay in one person’s perspective but, in my opinion, if you can, it shows how disciplined you are as a writer. Plus, i just get so confused when I go from A’s thoughts to suddenly what B is thinking about A. 

When writers use ‘ ‘ instead of “ “. When writers put thoughts in ‘ ‘ instead of just italicizing them. It’s small things but like they just bother me sO MUCH. most of the time i can ignore it and try to enjoy but other times i just dip. 

9. Tag 3 fic writers you think are underrated/unknown in the fandom/fanfiction community.

@espoir-et-reves !!!!! THEIR SHISAKU FICS ARE SO SO SO SO SO GOOD. And they have a warring states one going on THAT I AM SO OBSESSED WITH. 

@writer168 idk if they’re really “underrated” but THEY HAVE SUCH GREAT FICS ON AO3. Like theres an AU with sakura, kiba, and shino that i reread constantly because it just. is. so. fucking. GOOD. and they posted a new one that i’m YELLING about. 

@eggtoasties okay they only have 2 in the naruto fandom (one shisaku which is still ongoing) BUT THEIR WRITING STYLE IS SO NICE?? I ABSOLUTELY LOVE IT. I still go back and reread their shikasaku one cause UGH i can’t get enough. I love it. 

10. What’s your favorite fandom, pairing, or character to read fic for?

Fandoms: Naruto, Soul Eater, The Old Guard, ATLA

Parings: KakaSaku/ShikaSaku/ShiSaku/MultiSaku, SoMa, Joe X Nicky, Zukka

Character: SAKURA. I will read anything with Sakura as the main character and her being a fuckin badass or becoming a badass. I love her.

17. How obsessively do you sit and stare at your fic after you’ve just posted and wait for feedback?

aha.. haha.. well. I check my email like three times an hour. its the first thing i check in the mornings too. I’m literally a whore for praise and literally eat up feedback like its going out of style. I also reread a lot of my stuff because i make so many mistakes and spelling errors, or the spacing is weird oR SOMETHING. plus, literally any and all comments make my day, i go back and reread them cause they just make me feel so tingly and warm like “wow. this person enjoyed the fic/my writing enough to tell me. thats HUGE!”

23. What’s your absolute favorite trope to write?

Angry, feral, bloodied, morally gray women. They aren’t bad guys, they’re probably the good guy, but that doesn’t mean they cant be fucking raging at the world with raw knuckles and blood on their teeth. I just love an angry woman who struggles with her emotions and just has so much inner conflict but that doesn’t take away from her character or badassery, it adds to it. 

24. What’s a trope that you’d like to never hear about as long as you live, let alone write?

The fake dating or miscommunication troupe. LIKE GUYS JUST TALK. AND TELL EACH OTHER OMFG. the entire like obliviousness of “nah they dont like me” while the They holds their hand and kisses their cheek. MOFO WHAT. it makes me so impatient and like mad HAAHHAHA. its probably because i’m a pretty confrontational person so seeing stuff like that just “cmon bro, USE YO HEAD.”

28. How do you deal with writing pressure (ie: pressure to update, negative comments, deadlines, etc)?

I have yet to receive a negative comment! Which i was really surprised about tbh. As for deadlines or pressure to update, i just kind of do whatever. I do set goals, but i set them flexible enough that hey, if i can’t do it, that’s okay. 

I have a lot of mini goals, like “i want to write this chapter and get it done this week” and then the large goal is “FINISH BY END OF MAY” so i have time. 

Actually, now that I think on it, the entire pressure to update thing is probably why i’m waiting until I have all of OL&W written to post it weekly,, cause well. I wouldn’t wanna leave you guys waiting as I tried to write and work out the next chapters and stuff, you know?

30. Post a snippet from your current WIP without context - no more than 300 words.

AAAAAA YOU KNOW I LOVE THESE AHAHAHAH

Have you seen the way the dead dance, World Breaker? They roar, half mad and starving. Do you not wish, do you not hope to see them twist and bend and dance to your will?

Shikamaru snarls, looking behind his shoulders to where his Shadows lay. “Patience.” He spits. “Is of the essence, Things of Ancient. Know your place as the dark you are.”

34. How much of yourself and your life experiences do you put into your writing? What do you think your readers’ image of you is?

None of my experiences match up to anything I write tbh,,, probably the only thing that is me in my writing is maybe the emotional turmoil? I’m pretty emotionally and mentally mature because from a pretty young age i started forming my own opinions, started looking into the world around us and being like “dude what the fuck this is not what disney advertised”. Then i started talking (read: arguing and debating) with my dad about a lot of it. So, like emotions are kind of hard for me. Like i’m pretty good at controlling them or understanding them, but still. idk its hard to explain ig.

Like the weight of stress, the anger, the sadness. It’s kind of therapeutic to write. Cause i don’t know how to put those feelings to verbal words so writing them really helps. 

As for my readers’ image? Probably like some kind of hunched over figure typing away in the dark with a maniacal grin on their face. I honestly don’t know AHHAHAHA but it is fun to think about. I think they’d see me as someone with potential but a lot of room to grow and someone who is imperfect but in a charming way LMAOOOO

38. What does your writing process look like? How chaotic is it on a scale of 1 (very tame) to 10 (you can’t handle this kind of chaos)?

I’m gonna be real honest. Its probably like a 2. I’m a bit of a control freak so I almost always go in chronological order, my writing is pretty linear. Unless, i get bored and jump to one of my fav parts. It's pretty much i sit down, i open the doc, read over my notes and just start writing. 

It’s a little boring to explain AHAHAHA but once i get into the groove of things its really fucking great, I can like feel myself in the world, I can feel what i want the characters to, i love it. I catch myself mouthing the words as i type too, which i find hilarious.

39. What’s something about your writing that you pride yourself on?

I rather like how raw my writing is sometimes. Which might sound really vain, but i do like the way i word things or describe things. I love juxtaposition and repetition, or making a good ole circle back to some minute detail that wouldn’t stand out until i repeat it at the end and you’re like “omg” AHAHAHAHA.

Like those little poetic snippets or certain wording i just sit back and go “damn thats kinda good nadia! go you!’ HAHAHA  

40. How did you come up with the idea for The Intimacy Of Being Understood?

AAAAA this fic is like my first child, my pride and joy LMAO

so the idea initially came when i was reading some fic, idk if it was even naruto, but i was like “i don't like this, but i do like the rain symbolism.” And I knew i wanted to write something kind of slow paced, something a little sad and angsty, but would show KakaSaku slowly but surely falling in love.

Idk if you’ve noticed but a lot of my fics, the pairings don’t change each other dramatically. They accept each other as they are and then they grow with together. Like that acceptance is something i just love writing, its so subtle, it isn’t something you declare. Its simply “I am going to love you. I am going to love you despite your flaws and faults. I am going to love you unconditionally because I know you, I understand you, and there is nothing you could do to drive me away.” 

The fic kind of wrote itself after that first scene. I kept going back to the rain, go being ghosts, and resurrection, and the small epiphanies one gets. I wanted to focus on each character’s growth with each other. They didn’t find light in life because of each other, but with each other. And i think that’s my favorite thing about that fic. 

I wanted something raw and real and just something beautiful. I’m actually really proud of it tbh. Would i go back and rewrite/edit it? Oh of course! I’d do that with every single one of my fics, but i’m not gonna cause i think its in its rawest form right now. :))))

ask me shit plz

[yoditorian]

bby i hope you’re feeling better than this morning 🥺 do you have any headcanons on how rebel would react to din becoming mand’alor? 💜💜

ellie i can tell u honestly i’ve thought about this in GREAT DETAIL HERE WE GO lets hope i don't accidentally spoil the ending of the whole fic huh

i’ve put any actual spoilers as [REDACTED] so it’s not obvious what happens, but if you want to completely avoid any hint to how lacuna ends you should probably not read this

look there’s a couple of ways the news could come out

either it happens the first night he comes back to you, when he finally finally gets that emotional support he’s been too stubborn to take from you for years 

and he definitely tells you as an afterthought to recounting everything that’s happened because, let’s be honest, it’s not really the most important thing in his mind right now

and while you want to point out that this is in fact a Very Big Thing 

you know he needs to think of other things

so you let him feel however he needs to about that and everything else and just hold him until he falls asleep (or ****** his **** in ***)

because for the first time, you can talk about it in the morning

OR

he forgets to tell you

completely

din ‘i was so caught up in the euphoria of being back with the love of my life and the sadness of leaving my kid that for like a week i lived in a galaxy where i did not accidentally become the mand’alor’ djarin

you find the darksaber when you finally manage to drag yourself out of your [REDACTED] to open the [REDACTED] for a day because you “can’t pay the bills with dick, babe”  

and yeah maybe you should look closer at the weird weapon(?) you found on the floor, but ultimately it goes in a crate with the other [REDACTED] for din to sort through when he wants, and you forget about it

it’s only later that day, once you’ve finished working, that he appears with the weird hilt thing you’d tossed in the crate earlier and starts talking about how he should “probably do something about this” but he’s not sure he wants to open that particular can of worms

din flicks a switch and, let’s be honest, the last thing you expect to see is a sword lightsaber whatever the fuck shoot out 

and you’ve never met a jedi but [REDACTED] has and the house is only a ten minute speeder ride away, which is probably the closest you’ll ever get to one

so you’re about to suggest maybe taking a trip up there when he, in complete din djarin fashion, makes an offhand comment about how he’s pretty sure this makes him the leader of like, all the mandalorians

one look at your shocked face has him backpedaling as though he has to defend himself

“i didn’t do it on purpose”

because of course he fucking didn’t

he got tangled up in Ran’s crew by accident, he fell in love with you by accident, he practically adopted his kid by accident

and you laugh, you can’t help it

the man who spends so much of his life trying to blend in despite sticking out like a sore thumb in every room

laughing is about the only thing you can do to process this right now and, after a minute of confusion, din’s laughing too

the sound of it is music to your ears. so light and free of the worry you’re so used to him carrying that it only makes you laugh more

and he’s right

he probably should do something about it

but for now it’s just the two of you, sitting on the cold stone floor with a legendary mandalorian weapon between you, laughing until your stomachs hurt 

maybe that’s how its supposed to be for a while

sleepover weekend!!

[bloodpacks-archive]

mango

word count: 3.6k!! I love!!

summary: peter fell in love. here’s the story.

warnings: hi okay so there’s like. one bit where someone gets a few cuts from glass on accident and it’s not a huge deal and it’s not described in detail. Also! There’s a bit where there’s a tiny fight but it’s super quick.

note: hi!!! I love this fic!!! It’s so soft and pretty and i love the whole thing with my entire heart because!! It’s just so soft!! And Peter is in love!! This is a feel-good fic and i like it lots and i just really want you guys to like it too!! thank you for reading!!

When Peter first saw her—really saw her—it was an autumn morning. The air was just cold enough that he’d been forced to start wearing sweatshirts or light jackets, and the city seemed to have this new kind of life to it with the approach of winter.

But she had this new kind of life, a new kind of brightness that Peter couldn’t quite place. And he recognized her, he thought she was in a few of his classes, or maybe he’d just seen her in the halls, but there was something about today that just caught his eye. She was laughing, a musical sound, as she spoke with who Peter assumed was one of her friends.

And it catches him off guard, because he hasn’t felt like this in a while. Not since MJ said it “just wasn’t working out” and that she “still loves him as a friend.” That one hurt for a bit. But now it’s his senior year, and it’s been at least half a year since MJ, and there’s this girl standing in front of him.

And Peter really isn’t sure how to act.

And maybe he should have noticed that he’d been looking at her for too long, but he really wasn’t expecting for said girl to glance over in his direction, and then smile and wave at him.

It almost knocked him off his feet.

That day, he sees her everywhere. She’s in his English and his math, and he sees her in the hallways almost every time he turns a corner. When he’s sitting in english, she gets called on to answer a question, and her voice has this pretty flow to it, one that makes him want to listen closer even if she talked about something he had no interest in.

He feels a bit silly for never noticing her before, because right now, when she speaks it feels like laying in sunshine. And Peter just really likes that feeling.

So when they just happen to get partnered up for for an English project, Peter can’t say he’s complaining. Especially since he sucks at English and—based on the answer he just heard—she knows what she’s doing.

The time together is just a bonus.

When she walks over to him, she’s got this bright smile on her face.

“Peter, right?” She asks as she sits down next to him, and he nods, and offers her a smile back. “Great, so, do you wanna get together tomorrow maybe and work on this? We could honestly probably get it done in a few hours.”

“Yeah, that sounds great, when are you free?” She glances up at the clock, and lets her eyebrows furrow together as she looks back at him.

“The bell’s about to ring and I really need to get home, how about I give you my number and you text me?”

And so Peter just nods, and hands her his phone. She types her number in, and then the bell rings and she waves a goodbye to him before walking out of the room.

When Peter looks down at his phone, her name is staring back at him, with a smiley face at the end.

—————

The next day, Peter’s sitting in a café, sipping on a warm drink while he waits for her to walk in. He’s glancing over the rubric, trying to figure out everything they’ll need, when he feels a gust of cold air blow past him. He glances up at the door and sees her scanning the room. When her eyes meet his, she smiles, waving at him as she makes her way to the table. Peter has to stifle a laugh as she just barely bumps into a woman getting up from her seat. He watches as they both say quick apologies. When she gets to the table she widens her eyes and makes a face, and Peter lets out a breath of laughter.

“I’m lucky she didn’t have coffee in her hand,” She mutters as she puts her laptop on the table.

“You’re lucky that she seemed nice.”

“Oh you didn’t see the dirty look she gave me.”

And Peter raises his eyebrows at her, smiling and shaking his head as he watches her. She excuses herself so she can go get something to drink, and when she comes back, they’re quick to get to work.

Peter starts to notice little things about her, like the way she flicks her pencil between her fingers while she’s thinking, or how when she’s frustrated with whatever she’s typing, she’ll lean her head back and close her eyes while she types, or how, even though she voluntarily got a cold drink, she still shivers every now and then. It makes him smile.

“What’re you smiling at?” She asks in between a beat of silence when she had been trying to think of what to type. It makes Peter’s heart drop for a moment, makes heat creep up the back of his neck.

“Nothing,” He answers, probably a bit too quickly, and she smiles, dropping her gaze and quickly getting back to work.

He notices that smile doesn’t go away for a bit.

It’s around two hours later when they finish the project, and it almost makes Peter a little sad when they have to part ways. But she puts her hand on his arm, just for a moment, and says something about how they should hang out sometime, and it makes Peter’s heart flutter, so he takes everything he can.

Later that night, when Peter’s just getting home from patrol, she texts him something that had reminded her of him. They stay up texting for most of the night.

—————

It’s a few months later when they’re sitting together at lunch. It’s winter now, and whispers of Christmas and New Year’s linger in the air. At this point, Ned knows about his crush, and he isn’t exactly subtle about it, because every time she talks to him, Ned gives Peter a look and he has to stop himself from rolling his eyes.

But it’s nice, because even though they haven’t done anything, because hell, Peter’s scared and he’s not really sure if he has the time for a girlfriend right now, he gets to spend time with her, and that’s something he’s really happy to have.

And she melds well with the group. Ned loves her, loves how she’s quick witted and isn’t afraid to make fun of Peter with him—much to Peter’s dismay—and MJ thinks she’s fun, and they hang out all the time ever since they found their shared love of true crime documentaries. Peter’s even pretty sure Flash likes her, with how often he hangs around the group now. And somehow, Flash makes fun of Peter less when she’s around. So even though he’s pretty sure he’s just trying to get close to her, Peter doesn’t mind it too much.

He especially doesn’t mind it when the two of them hang out at his apartment, and they’re both leaning against his bed, blankets wrapped around them and snacks between them while they watch movies.

And he doesn’t mind it when her head falls on his shoulder, tired from the week, and her eyes fall shut halfway through the movie, because at least she’s here, and he’s really happy to have that.

—————

He’s on patrol when he hears word of a robbery on 21st, and Peter’s quick to swing past buildings and practically fly down the streets New York to get there. When he arrives, there’s three guys inside the bank, one watching while the other two grab as much money as they can from the broken ATM. Peter almost rolls his eyes.

“You guys never learn, do you?” Peter says as he webs the guy on watch’s hand to his gun. The other two glance up at him, and both go for their guns, quickly pulling them on Peter. Peter flips up and over them as they start shooting, and then swings to kick one of them out towards the window. The window breaks, sending glass shattering across the sidewalk. Peter webs the guy outside to the ground, and then counters a hit from watch-guy, pushing back and sending both him and the only other guy still left to the ground. He webs them both to the floor, which has pieces of glass scattered around it. It’s then when Peter hears the police sirens, and he goes to leave when he hears someone hiss.

When he glances outside, he sees a girl on sitting against the wall of the building, holding her right arm in one hand.

“Hey, you okay?” Peter asks as he approaches her, and when she glances up, Peter feels his heart drop.

Because of course it’s her. It’s always his friends who end up in the wrong place at the wrong time.

“Yeah, yeah, I’m fine just-“ She hisses again. “A few pieces of glass hit my arm and I have a few cuts. It’s nothing bad, I should be fine. It just kinda stings.”

Peter lets his eyes fall down to her arm, and she’s right, it’s not bad, but she’s clearly in pain and she needs to get home so she can still get them disinfected and bandaged up. And since he has experience in the field, he offers. And there’s something that crosses her face. Her eyebrows furrow, and she bites the inside of her cheek, but her eyes still carry that brightness he’s oh so familiar with. And she says yes.

He’s careful taking her home. He glances over every two seconds to make sure she’s okay, and she always is, but he can’t help but be a bit worried. When they finally get to her apartment, there’s a moment of awkward silence, but then she motions that she’ll go grab their first aid kit, and Peter just nods.

He’s been in her room millions of times by now, but there’s always something weird about going places as Spider-Man. He’s so familiar with these places, but he’s not supposed to be. So he feels out of place. It almost feels like he’s just passing through. Or like he’s someplace he really shouldn’t be. Either way, it isn’t his favorite feeling.

So he glances around the room to distract himself. He’s noticed that she’s put a few more pictures on her bulletin board, and he walks over to look at them.

There’s a picture of MJ, standing in a crowd and holding up a sign. He smiles. It’s very like them. His eyes fall down the board. There’s a picture of Ned excitedly showing off his lego death star, and another picture of all four them sitting at Ned’s house while they ate pizza. MJ had forced them to watch about five different documentaries that night, but to be honest, it was too much fun for any of them to mind. (And even though Peter would never admit it, they were kind of interesting).

And then his eyes fall on a picture of himself. He’s leaning over a physics textbook, but he’d glanced up to give her a look as she took the picture. He’d rolled his eyes at her after that, and then grabbed a piece of popcorn to throw at her. And then there’s another picture, from when they’d gone to a museum together. He’s sticking his tongue out at her from in front of a weird modern art sculpture because she said he “clearly wasn’t sophisticated enough to understand the complexities of a misshapen head.”

After that, they’d gone to look at more of the Monet paintings, because those were her favorite.

“Sorry, I’m back, that took forever to find.”

“No, you’re fine.” She sits on the bed, and puts the first aid kit by her side. Peter walks over and kneels in front of her. He’s pretty familiar with first aid kits at the point, so he barely even has to look at everything before he knows where everything is. “Did you run it under water? And use soap?”

She nods, “It’s really not that bad, you don’t need to bandage me up and everything.”

“I broke the window, it’s the least I could do.”

He dabs some disinfectant gel on the cuts, and then starts to wrap bandages around the few deeper cuts.

“I guess you’re pretty used to this stuff, right?” Her voice sounds hesitant, and he’s not really sure when he’s ever heard her be like this. Even when they didn’t know each other, she was so sure of herself. It’s weird to hear her like this.

“Yeah, I try to avoid it though. Still sucks.”

He finishes wrapping bandages and then looks up at her. She’s analyzing something, her eyes falling over his mask and her eyebrows furrowed.

“Are you okay?” He asks. She nods, slowly.

“Yeah, yeah I’m fine.”

Peter moves to leave, walking towards the window. He turns back, glancing at her for just a moment.

“Stay safe, alright?” He watches as she nods, and then he goes to swing out the window.

“Wait-“

He turns back and she’s standing up, walking towards him with careful steps.

“Okay this is going to be really weird if you aren’t who I think you are.” She pauses, and walks until she’s right in front of him. Peter can feel his heart speeding up, can feel the way his breath has quickened. He’s terrified, and based on the look in her eyes, she definitely knows.

“Peter?” She whispers. And he’s silent, because honestly, he doesn’t know what to say, or how to explain himself, or how to deny it, because she knows and there’s nothing he can do about it.

So it’s silent, but then she’s suddenly more sure of herself. She’s slow to reach her hands up to his mask, and Peter lets her.

“Can I take this off?” She asks, and Peter just nods, because there’s no point to stopping her now.

So she does, in slow movements, she takes his mask away from his face, and then suddenly they’re standing together, and she knows.

“Hi,” Peter whispers, and she lets a breath of a laugh escape her lips, and it makes Peter feel a little better about everything.

“I’m impressed,” She says.

“Impressed?”

“Who knew you could keep a secret for so long.”

And that makes Peter laugh, but he rolls his eyes at her, and so she joins in his laughter.

“Thank you for taking me home and making sure I was okay,” She says after their laughter fades.

“It was my fault you got hurt, it was the least I could do.”

“Hey,” Her hand goes up to his shoulder, her thumb rubbing back and forth, “it wasn’t your fault, okay? You couldn’t have known someone was gonna be there.”

“I still should’ve been more careful.”

“If that’s what you think, then you’ll know for next time.”

Their eyes meet for just a moment, and then she’s pulling him in for a hug. It takes Peter by surprise, but he’s quick to wrap his arms around her, letting his nose bury into the crook of her neck.

“You gotta stay safe out there, okay?” She’s muffled by his shoulder, but he understands her all the same.

“I know, I try.”

She pulls away to look at him, and she’s got her head tilted to the side, eyebrows raised.

“Okay, I’ll try harder.”

“Thank you,” She says, “I don’t know what I’d do if you got hurt.”

“Bandage me up?” Peter replies. She laughs, turning her gaze to the floor before shaking her head back up at him.

“I guess so.”

—————

It’s a few weeks later when they find themselves at a New Year’s party. Flash had insisted they all come, and although Peter’s pretty sure it was just to get Y/n at the party, he was more afraid of what Flash would do if they didn’t show up, so they decide to go.

Peter stays by her side the entire night, and they quietly whisper in each other ears about the party, the things around them, the people around them. It’s all very cliché, but Peter’s having fun because he’s next to her. So he doesn’t mind.

The party’s loud, there’s music playing and way too many people to be in one house, but sometimes Peter catches Ned and MJ’s eyes, and Ned winks at Peter, and it feels like they’re all at Ned’s house.

She pulls on his arm when there’s just a few minutes until midnight, bringing him towards the giant screen Flash had set up to watch the ball drop.

“Hey, Peter. I have something to tell you.” She turns to him, and she’s got one of his hands in her own, her eyes bright as she looks up at him. She’s got a permanent smile painted on her lips as her eyes flit over her face, and it makes his heart melt. She takes a breath. “I really like you.”

Peter can’t help the smile that takes over his face.

“I really like you, too.”

“So, personally, I’ve never had a New Year’s kiss.” She pauses for a moment, taking a breath. “And I was thinking this year might be a good one to start.”

As if on cue, the countdown begins. People are yelling around them, and the crowd around the screen is growing bigger, but Peter can only focus on her. Then suddenly, there’s cheering, and people are blowing noise makers, and hugging, and then she’s leaning up to him.

And then it’s just the two of them. It’s officially the New Year, and she’s kissing him. And it’s perfect, because she tastes like her mango chapstick, and she’s with him, and her hands are playing with the hair at the back of his neck, and he thinks this is the happiest he’s ever felt.

—————

Spring is sneaking it’s way into New York. It rains most days, so Peter’s been wearing a rain jacket, but since she has a habit of forgetting her umbrella, he’s found that he’s also been carrying an umbrella of his own just for her.

She’s laying next to him on his bed, tracing little patterns onto his chest, almost mindlessly. Her head is on his chest, and he’s running his hands through her hair as they watch movies. He’s come to realize she’s like moonlight. 

She’s his way home. She’s his light in the dark. She’s the brightest thing he’s ever seen, and she’s a wonder. And right now, he’s not sure what he’d do if she disappeared.

And he’s pretty sure this is more than a like.

And he feels like it shouldn’t be so difficult to say, because he says it all the time. He says it to May before he leaves every day, he says it to Ned, hell, he said it to Tony on accident one day and apologized about a million times before Tony said he loved him too, but to get back to his homework.

But it’s just different. Because she’s like the moonlight, and he doesn’t know what he’d do if he lost her.

And it’s gone through his head a lot lately. He thinks it when he sees her at school, when they say goodbye, when she laughs, when she flicks her pencil between her fingers. He’s always thinking it.

But he’s scared. Because it seems like whenever he says he loves someone, he’s more likely to lose them. And he really doesn’t want to lose her.

“What’re you thinking about?” He hadn’t even noticed that she’d paused the movie, but now she’s got her chin on his chest, and she’s playing with his hand.

“Nothing,” He replies.

“You always say that.”

“Maybe I don’t think.”

“Okay Mr. Top-Of-The-Class.”

And Peter rolls his eyes at her, grabbing a pillow to lightly hit her. He feels her laughter more than he hears it, and it makes a smile reach his face.

“Okay but really, what are you thinking about?” She puts the pillow under her chin now, making her a bit more eye-level with him.

And Peter’s thinking about saying it. Because maybe she’ll say it back and it’ll all be fine and nothing will happen and they can just keep going. But he doesn’t know.

“You know you’re like my favorite person, right?” He finally says.

“Poor Ned and May.”

“That’s different.”

“And how’s that?”

And it makes Peter pause, but Peter takes a breath and closes his eyes for a second.

“Because I’m not in love with them.”

And god, the smile that breaks out on her face makes every second of overthinking worth it. The way she tilts her head to the side, and lets a little breathless laugh pass her lips, it makes every second of it worth it.

“You’re in love with me?” She whispers.

Peter leans up, and wraps his arms around her waist. She lets her arms lazily rest over his shoulders, and she moves to lean their foreheads together.

“God, I am so in love with you.”

And she lets that breathless laughter escape her again, and it makes Peter want to hold onto her and never let her go. She leans into him, pressing a quick kiss to lips. She still tastes like mango chapstick, and Peter’s pretty sure that’s his new favorite chapstick.

“I am so in love with you, too.” She whispers when they pull away.

Peter decides that’s his favorite thing she’s ever said.

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[jhoudiey]

It’s been a hot minute since I’ve added anything to Loru, but I’ve FINALLY finished her birthday fic! Yay! My bird girl is 18 now! The only warning for this I guess is Implied Violence, 2900 words. Borrowed Theo and Kore from @girl-in-the-tower and Scarlet from @rikanoctrix since I want to try and add more OCs into Yoru canon going forward.

__________

“Neee Fugu-chan” Floyd grumbled, having kicked his way unceremoniously into Yoru’s room

“Floyd it’s too early for you to be this loud, what do you want?” She mumbled, not bothering to pull herself up from her mattress where she way laying face down

“I wanted to be the first person to wish you a h----aaappy birthday”  he said, stifling a yawn

“You’re too late for the birthday thing, sounds like you came for a nap”

“That too” he said casually, throwing his uniform jacket toward her desk chair. It missed and landed in a pile on the floor. He jumped over Yoru and bounced slightly when he hit the mattress. She shoved one of her pillows at him, opening her eyes the tiniest amount.

“Its only 9 though, who already said happy birthday?” he whined, clutching the pillow to his chest to look at her. She blinked slowly at him before responding. 

“Ortho at exactly midnight, Idia at like 6 this morning when we realized the time, and my dad when I got home. If you wanna nap do it quietly, I just got to bed” she turned away from him and buried her head in her pillow again. 

“Have any big birthday plans?” he asked, looking over the edge of his pillow. She rolled back to glare at him

“Dinner later with my dad and some staff. That’s it. No you can’t come. It’s not a party. Good night” she said bluntly, shoving her face back into her pillow.

“Night Fugu-chan!” Floyd murmured, curling up on the other side of the bed.

It was already dark when she woke up, she could smell dinner being cooked from downstairs and hoped that Crowley had at least asked some of the cafeteria ghosts to cook instead of trying to cook it himself. He’d tried to bake her birthday cake 2 years ago and almost set the house on fire, he hadn’t attempted cooking since. Yoru showered, threw some clothes on and made her way downstairs to the dining room. 

“SURPRISE!” She was almost blown backwards by the noise and took a step back. The room was full of staff and the few friends she’d managed to collect while haunting the grounds of NRC. Floyd grinned at her from behind Jade and Azul, Ortho was floating near the front of the table with a huge smile on his face with Idias tablet floating nearby, and the staff were all gathered around the room wherever they’d fit. She’d never had a birthday where so many people came for dinner, and was taken a aback

“Neeee Fugu-Chan!” Floyd called “You said I wasn’t invited but I bet you never knew there was going to be a party for you!” He smirked at her, Jade chuckling softly beside him. 

“Uhhhh...what...is going on?” she asked, looking around the room at everyone, still shocked to see so many people. Crowley swooped down on her from across the room, draping his arm across her shoulders. 

“Oh my sweet daughter, I thought for your 18th birthday we should have a spectacular party for you with all of your friends and family!” he gestured around the room with his other arm. “Everyone is here to celebrate with you, so make sure to not run away!” He steered her deeper into the room, sitting her down at the head of the table laden with food. She awkwardly glanced around the room, was she supposed to say anything? Were there customs for this sort of thing? She sat in silence, fidgeting a little in her chair, hoping that someone else would say something to break the tension that had settled over the room. 

“Yoru-san! What sort of gifts did you ask for!?” Ortho chirped enthusiastically, flying a little off his seat. For Idias birthday the three of them had hidden away and played a few board games, what she wouldn’t give to be repeating that experience right now.

“Ummm… nothing. I usually just get whatever I need throughout the year myself… I don’t really know what I would ask for”... She trailed off looking around the room once more, were they going to expect her to open presents? Was there even presents to open? Generally the teachers gave her new notebooks or reference books, but they’d always just leave them for her on the table without ever having wrapped them. Yoru wasn’t sure what else to say, and was worried she’d be further interrogated about gifts; she started filling her plate, hoping that the food would at least act as a buffer for the pressure that was slowly spreading through the room. As she was piling her plate to tottering she noticed an unfamiliar face in the corner near professor Yule, she paused and stared at the girl wondering if they’d met before and she’d just forgotten. The girl smiled shyly at her and waved, Yoru was certain they’d never actually met before, there weren't any other girls at NRC, and there wasn’t any reason for a random girl from the village to be here…

“Yoru, this is my daughter Kore” Theo said to her with a slight nod “She’s come to stay at NRC with me, though she’ll be living in Ramshackle dorm with Yuu for the time being. I’m sure you’ll get along” He smiled at her, knowing that it was unlikely. Yoru was, afterall, prickly and not very open to new friends and Kore herself could be difficult. Yoru grimaced and gave the girl a quick nod before turning back to the table, hoping that there weren’t any more surprises planned for the evening. Theo let out a sigh of relief “honestly I thought that was going to go way worse” he chuckled a little looking at Kore. She had her face set and was looking towards Yoru’s back, fists tightened into balls, daring Yoru to say something about her lack of magic. 

The night carried on, conversation flowing more easily once everyone started eating. Azul was trying to worm the recipes out of Crowley so he could co-opt them for the lounge, while Crowley was giving every excuse he could to not have to admit that it was the ghosts that had cooked and not him. As dinner wound down, Yoru started getting anxious again as she wasn’t certain what was supposed to come next. Why did Crowley think it was a good idea to have her entertain a room full of people? Luckily everyone was entertaining themselves for the most part, so she’d been able to have a muttered conversation with Idias tablet, making escape plans for as soon as she was able to sneak away. 

“Yoru-san! Me and Ni-san made you this, he said that it would help you out a lot!” Ortho cheered suddenly from the table. “N-Not so loud, Ortho” The tablet groaned “Sorry Ni-san! Look Yoru! It’s a tablet like the one Ni-san has! He set it to easy mode cause he knows you suck!” Ortho beamed at her “Wow Idia, real nice.” She said sarcastically “You know what I meant! You suck with computers! I made this one idiot proof, just for you hehehehe, there’s no way you can mess this one up!” Ortho thrust the tablet at her, where it floated near her head “Oh this is weird” she said, looking sideways at it as it beeped quietly at her, even if it was set to be user friendly, she knew she’d have to get Idias help setting it up later.  

“Yoru! My girl! You’re 18 now! Congratulations!” Vargas boasted, throwing an arm around her shoulder. She suspected him and Theo may have had a few too many drinks, he was being more affectionate than normal, and Theo was actually smiling. She didn’t blame him, having to deal with Crowley out of a professional setting could be draining. “You can’t turn 18 without a proper gift though! I brought you something!” He beamed at her, pulling the largest container of protein powder she’d ever seen from out behind his back. She couldn’t help but laugh a little, of course he would think protein powder was a good gift- not that he was wrong. Protein powder would be really useful for her to get back into shape, she’d ended up losing a lot of weight over the winter and needed to gain it back... It had been a while since the two of them had done any training, she made a mental note to ask him to get back to sparring once her wings had fully grown back in and her mobility was back to 100%. 

“Vargas, isn’t that a little… hmmmm” Crewel had started, before sighing and shaking his head a little “Nevermind, Yoru, I think this book of antidotes to rare poisons will come in handy” He said, glaring at her. She knew that look too well, there would be hell to pay if she poisoned herself and needed his help recovering again. She’d hoped that maybe her New Years accident wouldn’t have made it to Crewel’s ears, but Crowley was always a loudmouth so she suspected everyone in the room knew that she’d almost died a mere 4 weeks before. “Thanks Crewel” she muttered, rifling through the pages. 

“A book of antidotes, Crewel? How disappointing” Theo scoffed, cutting Crewel off before he could respond to Yoru. They’d had a long standing rivalry and no way he’d let Crewel get another word in. “here Yoru, this may be of some help. I found it on one of my expeditions.” He handed her a small compass with the needle spinning wildly “It’ll point you to what you need most at any given time” He smiled at her, chuckling a little at the needle spinning dizzyingly fast. Yoru grinned, Theo always had the neatest stuff, she was glad to be given an artifact of her own, even if this one seemed to be broken. If it wasn’t, it should be pointing towards the Ignihyde dorm, since at that moment she wanted nothing more than to be hiding away in Idias room in silence. She slid the compass in her pocket and  glanced to the side toward Kore who was there holding out a cabbage. “I didn’t know what to get you since we’ve never met, but I think everyone has a use for cabbage so here!” she thrust it at yoru who grabbed it with both hands, a grin growing across her face. Cabbage. As a gift. “This is great, I love cabbage” She smiled, thinking it was probably all downhill from here, food was really hard to top as a gift, good job girl she had never met. As she turned to put the cabbage down, Azul cleared his throat gently from the table. 

“Ahhh Yoru-san! While we’re on gifts, we’re pleased to say we’ve brought one for you as well!” He smiled at her and Floyd handed her a box. All three of the Octavinelle boys were smiling at her as she opened it, it was quite unnerving to be watched so closely by them. Inside was what she realized was her Mostro Lounge uniform. Azuls smile widened “I’m glad Professor Crewel was able to lend a hand to assist in the tailoring of it, it should fit perfectly for you to start work with us in the Lounge tomorrow”. Yoru rolled her eyes at him. “Oh yay, can’t wait. What if it doesn’t fit?” she asked. Crewel scoffed at her. “I tailored it, of course it will fit, there is no question.” She sighed, knowing he was right. He’d been able to alter her high school uniform for her perfectly before she realized that Walpurga Nacht Academy had a strict “no alterations of any kind” policy. 

“Here Yoru-chan! You can use this to take orders in the Lounge!” Scarlet interrupted, beaming at her. She’d been the nurse at NRC longer than Yoru had been alive and was excited to be here celebrating her 18th birthday with everyone. She handed Yoru a shocking pink notebook with cartoon unicorns all over it, complete with a neon-holographic sticker sheet of cute and cuddly creatures. “You can use it to take notes too! I know how much you write down, so I knew a notebook would be handy!” Her smile was shining so brightly Yoru had a hard time looking at her, she felt guilty knowing she’d only ever use this particular notebook if every other object that could be written on disappeared from existence. She took the notebook and placed it on top of the box containing her Mostro Lounge uniform, ready to be carried upstairs back to her bedroom. She felt her chance to escape the party was approaching, the pile of gifts needing to be carted away a blessing in disguise 

“Hmmmm my favourite demon-chan has so many gifts!” Sam exclaimed, looking around at all of them, “Perhaps she doesn’t need another...” he teased, smiling widely at her. “Hmmm, but if she didn’t need any other gifts, then what would I do with this vial of Dragon blood?” Yorus eyes widened. She’d asked Sam if he could try and find her some more than six months ago but he’d never gotten back to her. “Sam! You found some! This is amazing!!!” She was ecstatic, holding the vial in her hands, an entire new world of potion making opportunities opening up to her. Crewel and Crowley gave each other a short glance, it wasn’t a good idea for her to have something so dangerous, especially if she was going to continue experimenting on herself. “Hmmm Sam, perhaps that isn’t a good gift for a young woman?” Crowley tried to protest, the glare Yoru shot him quieted him down immediately. “Thank you Sam, this will be really useful”.

“Ahhh Sam, again with the dangerous gifts” Trein sighed handing Yoru a small book bound in a strange leather. “Here Yoru, you had asked me before about Harpies but I wasn’t able to tell you much. I’ve found a history of them, as brief as it is, hopefully this will answer some your questions” He gave her a small smile, she accepted the book with a small nod. She had been beginning to wonder more about her mother and the Strophrades Isle, but there was nothing in the library on the topic, which she had found strange. She’d meant to ask Crowley the best way to get there and information on her mother, but had forgotten . Even if she had, she assumed he’d talk her ear off, having been starved for conversation with his daughter for the last month. She had vowed to never speak with him again after he’d given Azul permission to drug her, and so far had been able to keep the promise to herself. 

She placed the book on top of the others and grabbed the pile of gifts to carry up to her room, the cabbage and protein powder balanced precariously on top. “I uhhh.. Don’t know how birthday parties are supposed to end so thanks everyone…” she muttered, walking out of the room to start climbing the stairs to her room. “Just a minute, Nugget!” Crowley called after her “You never got my gift!” he called up the stairs behind her, she ignored him. 

“How embarrassing, headmaster, your own Nugget ignoring you” Jade said quietly, staring at Crowleys back. “Jade, if I ever hear you call me Nugget I swear I will rip your tongue out” Yoru yelled down the stairs. “Fufufu, than I shall make sure you never hear me” he grinned. “Neee  Fugu-chan! What if I call you Nugget-Chan?” Floyd yelled after her, Azul, Jade, Ortho, and Idias tablet laughing quietly. “The same goes for you Floyd! I will eat your tongue for dinner!” She threatened. Everyone remaining in the room grinned, trying to think of ways to work the word Nugget into their everyday vocabulary. 

“Oh!” Crowley cried out suddenly “We forgot the cake!” He rushed into the kitchen, returning moments later with a two-tiered white cake with a large 18 drawn on the top in green icing. “Yoru! Come back and get some cake!” Crowley's face fell when there was no response, he knew she’d likely left out the window already, the promise of cake not enough to bring her back. “Well, it would be a waste to not eat it…” he mused to himself before looking at the room at large “Okay! Who wants cake!” He smiled at everyone raising their hands. 

***

“Hey, where’s the cake?” Idia asked when Yoru pushed her way into his room.

“Cake?” She questioned, holding the tablet he’d made for her out to him. “I need help setting this up” He sighed and grabbed the tablet from her hand, easily tapping through the screens to set it up for her.

“You come and ask me for favours and don’t even bring any cake, what kind of friend are you!?” he complained.

“We didn’t even have cake, what are you talking about?” She sat down on his bed, watching him tinkering with the tablet. 

“Crowley said there was cake, and you didn’t bring any with you!”

“Oh. I must have left before then. Ortho is still there, get him to bring some back and we can eat it here”

“Oooh! Good idea!” He whispered to Ortho from his tablet, a childish grin creeping across his face at the promise of cake.

[fanbynature]

Obikin x AU /part 1/

Here are some additional things to know before you read the fic.

The ages of some of the characters are: Obi - 28, Rex - 26, Anakin - 23, Ahsoka - 19 going on 20, Plo/Shmi - late 40s, Qui-Gon - early 50s

The thing about the setting is this: It’s still in the SW universe, so aliens, planets and the like still exist and I am mixing it up with our reality while using some slang from SW. It’s set in a peaceful time period, so it’s just a normal living situation for them at the moment. The Jedi are going to have a place in the story but nothing too major. I hope this is not too weird.

I was hoping this to be just a one shot but I had to go and write something that is deeper than just some shag scene. I do love readin just plain NC-17 stuff but this ain’t it one. 

There are some warnings /non-healthy life choices, mention of non-con/rape, foul language, ooc - it’s an au what do you expect/

Obi-Wan is in a punk-rock band by the name of "Space Maniacs" that has been active for a few years but has not been very popular until recently. They had started to search for a better studio to record their songs because the home soundproofed garage of Ahsoka's dad, as nice as he is, does not scream "professionalism". Or at least that is what Ahsoka and Rex had been trying to sell to Obi-Wan. Honestly, he does feel apologetic towards Plo, Ahsoka's dad, for all the inconvenience they have caused even though the man had said time and time again that he feels proud of their tenacity and doesn't mind as long as they keep out of trouble.

And when Obi-Wan meets Anakin, the musician tells himself that he may start believing in God, because it's a whole ass miracle that the man comes across the band. 'Cuz if a guy that cute knows the band, is offering his very real and professionally equipped studio plus has the total hots for a certain lead singer it must be some type of miracle created by the almighty Her or that's what Ahsoka had been going on about for the past 20 minutes in the backstage area of one of Coruscant's' better known night cantinas they had just performed at. The cantina is called "Dirty Habit" and tonight they may have met somebody that will be beneficial for the future of the band. At least that is what they are all hoping for.

Obi-Wan had to resist the urge to roll his eyes at the comment that the guy has the hots for him so he settles for a snort. Even if it was true the decision of having sex with someone that could be professionally engaged with the band, won't be a wise one to make. Even if Obi-Wan found the idea of kissing those plush pink lips and to have his hands go through those dirty blond curls, tugging them enormously enchanting. The younger man would make such pretty noises for him. Fuck, no. That is a dangerous zone to enter. He won't jeopardize this chance for the band just because of a shag. Even if it's the best shag he could have in his life.

The guy, Anakin Skywalker as he introduced himself 30-40 minutes ago to the band after they had finished their set made a very tempting offer that they can hardly refuse. He offered them a fully equiped studio to use for as long as they want for 30 cred each month. The band wasn't sure whether they can trust him because that seemed like a total scam, that in the end they would be the one that have to pay an enourmous amount of money. However he explained that he and his mother have a non-profit organisation that helps rising artists who struggle to find their footing. Anakin gave them their cards and assured the band that they can check them out first on their Infocache and confirm that everuthing is legitimate. He doesn't blame them as he understands the dangers of being a rising artist and the people who try and take advantage of that. The blond also explained that he has followed the band for quite sometime now, since they were still experimenting with their sound actually and choose to first observe them and later decided to introduce them to his mother and if everything with their donors went smoothly they would help them. And here he was, speaking with them, offering them a generous amount of help.

They thanked him, understood everything but came to an agreement that they need just a little bit of time and they will contact him back with their answer.

"Honestly, Nobi, I don't understand why we just didn't agree on it on the spot. Anakin seemed genuine and proper with his cards and polite talking. And not so polite ogling."

Obi-Wan glared towards Rex and flipped him off.

"What did I tell you about that nickname? Stop using it. It's annoying. Also, we should not appear desperate. Weren't you the ones that were yapping about how we should "behave more professional-like". I was trying to not appear like I was going to suck this guy off. And I am the one who is in the wrong?"

"He didn't seem to mind. Bet he would suck you off before you get the chance to do it. Haha" the young togruta tried to whisper talk but it was loud enough for the fuming ginger to hear.

"Seriously you too? Can I get a break from the two of you?"

"Whaaaat? Come on, Obi. I know you are irked because Satine decided to end up things but you seriously can't blame her or take it out on us." Obi-Wan was contemplating the ways he could make a murder look like an accident or suicide. "Honestly, you can't look me in the eyes and tell me that you didn't know that this was coming. Like seriously, it was not going well."

Rex was watching his bandmates from the side and was sensing that things were going to either explode soon enough or their lead singer was going to storm out of the room to go get shit faced, sleep in some alleyway and get him and Ahsoka in trouble.

"Ahsoka." Both the man and the girl turned towards Rex. "I think it's time to stop with the jokes and get you home." The lead singer's eyes filled with gratitude towards the bass player and he gave Rex a little smile.

"Oh, Rex, you too. Let's have a little drink to celebrate. We deserve it. You two should stop behaving like old men. You are in your freaking 20s. Live a little."

"Rex is right. I have to go to work tomorrow morning. Get off me and prepare to go."

"That's not true. I know your schedule, it's your day off." Ahsoka scowled at Obi-Wan with disbelieve and crossed her arms in front of her. The man was trying not to snort at the display off childness of their youngest bandmate.

"Well, I decided to take a shift. The extra cash won't hurt us. Especially now that we have to pay for a studio." He smiled a little and gave Rex a knowing looking.

"So we are going to accept the help?!"

"Sure" Obi-Wan turned his gaze towards Ahsoka, gave her a bigger smile and then transformed his facial feautures into a more irritated emotion “Now let’s go because your father it’s going to kill me.” 

-----------------------------------------------

Of course, Obi-Wan didn’t have an extra shift and Ahsoka doesn’t have to know that. It’s not like he doesn’t want to get an extra shift, the thing is he can’t get one because he has the maximum available shifts his manager can give him. Other people have to work too, you kriffin menace, you know that right. Also I am going to tie you up to your bed and not allow you to do anything for a week straight if you don’t stop bugging me. Obi-Wan is slightly afraid of Cody now. He was even thinking of asking him to help in another position but he decided against it. Maybe Cody is right but that doesn’t mean that the Obi-Wan is going to listen to him. He has responsibilities and he can’t allow himself to rely on other people. Even if that was the reason him and his father have become estranged. It doesn’t matter, not anymore. He is a capable adult who does not expect other people to do his work. 

He may start to search for another job.

The ringing of the phone by the bedside brought up the troubled man back to reality. Shit, Ahsoka. Maybe he can ignore that. If he waits long enough it’s going to stop ringing. Ah, yes. Silence. Then a massage sound.

DONT IGNORE ME, KENOBI! I know.... 

Oh, for kriffing....She went to his job. Ringing again.

“Shouldn’t you be at Uni?”

“Shouldn’t you be at work? You liar. You know better than to lie to me, Obi-Wan. You should have just told me that your old bones were tired yesterday and Rex and I could have stayed and you could have gone home without lying. Also I have 1 hour brake and decided to visit your sorry ass. Know can you... ”

The older male was trying to remane calm as he knew that getting mad at the girl won’t be a sensible decision. She was right. He lied to her but she didn’t know earlier and was probably just worried that he was exhausting himself and wanted to check on him.

“Ahsoka, can you please slow down. Look, I am sorry. It was a stupid thing to do. Sorry for making you worried.”

Silence.

“If you want to...” Obi-wan started with a sigh but couldn’t finish.

“Next time just tell me the truth. I may be young and have to experience things but I am not daft....I am sorry too. For annoying you about Satine and the Skywalker guy. I was just trying to have some fun. But it was that peachy for you. I should have known better. It hasn’t been that easy for you this past year and I chose the wrong way of cheering you up.”

“When did you mature so much?” the older man was getting filled with a warm sensation in his chest. Proudness. The proudness of a big brother. Even if they weren’t related Ahsoka was close to him as any real sister he could have had.

“Tell anything to Rex and you are dead to me.” the girl warned him with an exaggarated threat in her voice.

“Hahah. I think Rex will truly appreciate the way you are starting to carry yourself, the way you think and sense the emotions in other people. He will love this side of you as much as he adores the careless, fun and cheerful side of you. Rex hasn’t been around as much as I have but his brotherly protectivness over you seems to be stronger than mine.”

“Stop it, you are making me blush.”

“It’s very much true. You know that one time-”

“So when are we going to talk with the Skywalker guy?” Ahsoka seemed to be in a rush and cut off the sentimental notion that the conversation was headed to. Obi-wan rolled his eyes. There haven’t been any time to really think about it but it has been sitting at the back of his head, constantly reminding him. The sooner he calls the better for the band. However there was this constant feeling of anxiety that was washing over him. He doesn’t know what to do. He can’t tell his bandmates, they would think he is just not getting enough sleep or food. He can’t talk to Cody because he really had the chance to tell him anything about yesterday and Ahsoka was waiting for an answer now.

“How about tomorrow? If that’s alright with you Miss Ahsoka?”

“Of course, my leash. My very trustworthy Knight in armor or Jedi in robes. I don’t know. Choose one. That’s sounds fantastic. I’ll talk with Rex and come by your house after I am finished. You just go and sleep, you old man.”

“Stop calling me an old man.”

“You stop acting like one.” she said with a mocking tone and hanged up.

Oh, Force. Sometimes he wishes he has chosen a different path for his life. This one seems like it needs a restart. Hm, maybe he should have become a Jedi. What he knew from his father is that he is Force sensitive but when a young Jedi had come to speak with Qui-Gon about the future of his child he had declined the offer of giving Obi-Wan to them. They had a long conversation and had concluded that as an ex-Jedi Qui-Gon had the abilities to keep his son save and help him if there was any trouble. So in reaching an agreement of Obi-Wan’s future as a Force Sensitive kid he can say that he had a pretty normal and stable upbringing. Well, except maybe a few instances. Some of those were his own fault so he couldn’t really blame the people that came across him. He turned out quite decent in end. For the most parts.

However from the texts which he could find about the Jedi some things seemed more appealing than others but certainly they didn’t feel as they were too far way from him. He could have easily fit with the culture. But he loves music too much too give it up now. He loves Rex and Ahsoka as his own family and he doesn’t want to let them down. 

----------------------------------------------- 

3 hours later

There was a banging from somewhere outside but the drowsiness from the sleep couldn’t quite allow him to register where it came from. After a few more moments of banging and the voice of Ahsoka, Obi-Wan finally came to his senses. The door. 

He rubbed his eyes and yelled a muted “I am coming. Stop doing that. The door is going to fall.” He was still sleepy and couldn’t find his slippers so he just headed barefooted with one open eye towards the door and opened it.

“Finally. We were going to- Can, you please put something on ?” Ahsoka looked her friend up and down, unimpressed and passed by him to go inside. 

What in the blazes... His sleeping habit of undressing himself had acquired for the first time when he was hitting puberty and he couldn’t exactly explain what is what connected to. It’s probably the most embarrassing habit he could have developed, especially when the first time it happened was during summer camp with the freshers being mixed and him trying to sleepwalk to there in the early morning with his blader not allowing him to sleep. He couldn’t have predicted that there would be somebody else. He also didn’t know about the lack of clothes on him. With the years it got less frequent, thank the Force.

“We brought food and a holofilm. It’s the crime-suspense one we have been wanting to watch.” Rex tried to hide his smile and not to comment that his friend hasn’t been able to outgrow his adolescent habit. It’s not like everyone can train their brains to do what you want them to do, damn it, Rex.

“Did you come here straight from Uni?” Obi-Wan was trying to speak to the younger girl while she was putting the popcorns in the nanowave and just not staying in one place. He had two rooms + fresher and a balcony. How much more she can move?

“Sure. Why?” she moved to the balcony taking a pack of cigarettes. Obi-wan took the whole pack out of her hands and threw them to Rex. “Hey, come on”

“Not good for you.”

“Look who’s talking. Blondie, pass them back.” 

“I ain’t getting into the middle of that. I am just minding my own business, thank you very much.” 

“Chicken” Ahsoka puffed her cheeks out, signed and put her hands on the balcony’s metal barrier. 

“You should spend more time at home. I thought you stopped being a bratty rebel who didn’t like her dad that much with no reason.” 

“I did. And I do. I do spend time at home I mean.” A few beats pass by them, looking to the Coruscant’s landscape, basking in the noises of the city and background noises of Rex doing something in the kitchen. Ahsoka straightens up and turns around towards her friend, looking at the ground, playing with something in her hand. “I love my dad, don’t get me wrong. But sometimes there comes a time when you just feel like you have to split from each other and live alone.” A few more beats pass by “You understand better than anybody I know.”

“Of course I won’t judge you if you want to live separately from your father if that’s what you mean. I do hope you talk to him first and not just run away.”

“Absolutely. I am not that irresponsible, not anymore. I am sure he will miss me and it would be much harder for him than it is for me. I just need this at this point in my life.”

“I am sure he will understand. He is going to absolutely throw you “a goodbye party”. Or more likely “get home sooner” one.”

“Oh, Siths. Please don’t make me imagine this. It just sounds embarrassing.”

“Rex is totally going to get everything filmed.”

“I already know that I am going to kill him.”

Both of them laughed at the ridiculous situation. Obi-Wan placed his hand on the younger girl’s should in a reassuring manner. 

“Whatever you decide to do I am here for you one hundred and ten percent of the way.”

The togruta smiled at him and pulled him into a hug.

“Thanks, big bro”

“Oi, the sappy bunch, are we going to watch a movie or what?”

The other two rolled their eyes and returned back inside. While the two were chatting outside Rex had set the snacks and drinks on the coffee table and prepared the film for just pressing the play button. 

“Hey, look what we’ve got here. Can you believe, Obi. Our bassist is good at more things than just looking good, playing the bass and getting us a free drink.”

“He is sometimes good at repairing stuff. You gotta give him that.”

“Oh, yeah for sure.” the other two snickered while the blonde was flipping them off.

“Haha, you guys. You are a golden comedy duo. Can we now just watch the damn film? “

“Absolutely”

Halfway into the movie, Ahsoka fell asleep and the guys let her sleep on the bed and called Plo so he won’t worry about his daughter being kidnapped or something else. He told them that he could come to pick her up so it won’t be trouble for Obi-Wan but the younger man reassured him that it was no problem at all.

“So we are calling the Skywalker guy?”

“That is what you want, guys, right? I am not making that decision just on my own and just presuming your opinions.”

“Yeah, it is.’

“Then it’s decided.”

The two men were sitting on the floor cross-legged, drinking whatever was left from the things Rex and Ahsoka brought. 

“Do you want something stronger? “

“What do you have in mind?”

 “Cheedon whiskey. You know that is not my usual preference but someone who I used to fuck from time to time gave it to me recently as a gift for our good times. Amusingly he was there when Satine and I, well Satine to be precise broke things off. “ The ginger was pouring the drinks while talking and his bandmate was watching him cautiously .”But this is a great drink. Let’s drink to our future success. Cheers.”

“Cheers.” Rex watched his friend enjoying the brown beverage going down his throat and then looked at his own and sipped a little. Making a face because of the burning sensation of the drink. It had good after taste but Rex is definitely not the biggest fan of this type of liquor. He prefers his beer.

“How are things with after Satine? I mean I know you don’t like sharing the hard stuff with us, especially me. You sometimes talk to Ahsoka but you haven’t said anything. What I am getting at is that I am worried. We are worried, with Ahsoka. And we want to know if everything is really fine.”

Obi-Wan knew that Rex didn’t like initiating conversations with serious topics. He was usually there when you needed him, he doesn’t ask you a question, just stays with you until he knows you are ready to tell him what’s wrong. And Obi-Wan could sense the uncomfortableness in Rex’s everything. The older male greatly appreciated what his friend was doing for him and he didn’t want to just blow him off. He knew that it took strength to do something you don’t enjoy doing.

“I can’t blame her. As much as I want to say it was both of our fault. It was mine. I just wish she could have done it sooner for her own good. I was too much of a coward to leave her. I stayed with her just because I was used to it, but I didn’t really feel the way I felt before and it wasn’t fair to her. And that not being the worst part. Now cheating is what an immoral person does.”

“You know that wasn’t the full story.”

“Wasn’t it? I remember it differently.” Obi-Wan was pouring his third drink now and Rex was thinking of hiding the bottle. Or plain pouring it out into the sink.

“You don’t remember half the night. That is the problem. You are trying to take the full blame for something you weren’t even half-conscious to do.”

“But I was conscious enough to kriffing get it up and stick it up into a guy’s ass. Wasn’t I, Rex?” The ginger was trying no to raise his voice so he won’t wake up Ahsoka but he was having a hard time. He stood up, cursing under his breath, took his cigarettes and went to the balcony. 

Rex was blaming himself for even raising the question. He knew better than that. Why did he even try to get something out of the older? He never wins with him. His brother is better than him with that. Dealing with Obi-Wan Kenobi. Kriffing Siths. He begrudgingly went to the balcony’s door frame and stood there. Shifting his eyes between Coruscant’s view and his friend’s back. 

“Look, I know it doesn’t matter what I say, you are going to continue putting the full blame on yourself, but just know that. I am on your side. I will call you out when it needs to be done. But not when you don’t deserve it.”

“I wanted it, you know that Rex. I told you. You were there.”

“You were drunk. He wasn’t.”

Obi-Wan turned around with glistening eyes. Tears. 

“I said yes, Rex. I said it. I would-I would have said it even if I was sober, Rex. I know it. I do. I just-” the older male dropped to his knees. Putting out his cigarette and hanging his arms to the side.”I am just-just not sure anymore.” 

He looked up to Rex, with his cheeks already wet from the streaming tears. The blonde crouched down and hugged his friend. They stayed that like for a few minutes and Obi-wan spoke again, with a hushed voice.

“I think I am just trying to convince myself at this point. Not trying to fall apart. I can’t do it. If I fall apart I have to tell her. She can’t know, Rex. She’ll blame herself that she didn’t let me speak. It’s better that way.”

Rex pulled away from Obi-wan and sat on the floor across him, looking at his friend.

“You are kriffing idiot you know that. How is that better? Who is it better for exactly? Not you, that’s for sure.”

“Don’t say anything, Rex. Please. Not even to Ahsoka.”

Rex was wondering really hard how he could just prevent his friend from harming himself further than he already has. 

“I am not the person that is going to tell you how to live your life and what choices you have to make. That is your job. But I am the person who is going to be next to you until you want the help you need. Ahsoka and I are going to be here. Cody too. He cares for you too, even if he has “the though love makes you stronger logic”. Rex paused for a moment and continued “Your father will always be there for you too. Well, at least until you know. Nevermind.” He dies Rex thought.”Maybe things with Satine won’t be the same but they don’t have to be. The important thing is that you feel better.”

Obi-wan stopped crying and he was sniffling softly. Trying to get his composure back. He didn’t like showing his vulnerability. Even to his friends. He would start to think of himself as a burden but wanted to stop it.

“I don’t think I am ready yet Rex. I don’t think I am able to face it.”

“Look that is perfectly alright. As long as you don’t try and deal with it alone in an unhealthy way. We are here for you, okay.”

The only thing the ginger could manage as a response was a weak nod. He searched for his cigarettes and popped one his mouth. Rex picked up the conversation again.

“Truly the pot calling the kettle black.” he laughed a little to his friend’s earlier hypocrisy to Ahsoka. The older male looked at him confused.

“Huh? Oh, that. You know that I have tried to quit several times with no positive outcome.” He lit his cigarette and let out a blow of smoke.”It’s truly something I’ll never be able to fix.”

“Whatever you say, Nobi, whatever you say. Do you want me to stay more because the public transport will soon stop and the prices of the hovercabs are going up.”

“Nah, go. I am going to fine.”

“Call me when you get a word from Skywalker.”

‘Absolutely.”

----------------------------------------------- 

The next day came faster than he expected with the bustling city noises waking him up. He forgot to close the door to the balcony last night. He remembered dragging himself from the outside, laying down his futon and just laying down. Now he had a duvet, which he didn’t remember getting. Ahsoka. She is still sleeping. He realised it’s still early as Ahsoka haven’t gotten up and she usually doesn’t have classes until late morning or early noon. He wasn’t sleepy, which meant his day will be longer and that annoyed him to no limit. He grunted and pulled the duvet over his head.

“Can you please just let me sleep for one more hour? Your grinding teeth are really kriffing annoying you know that. I think you should really go and let a doctor check you out. You have too much sleeping habits. It’s not healthy.”

“I just woke up and you are already annoying me.”

A small heart-shaped pillow flew over his head almost hit him in the face.

“You missed.”

A creak from his bed followed by footsteps on the wooden floor. His eyes were closed so he did not anticipate a soft yet hard hit on the face by a larger pillow.

“I think not. Ugh, now I am woken up. Make us some coffee. You are the host. Be one.”

“Half of my wardrobe is filled with your clothes plus a couple of your shoes. I think you can make your own coffee.”

“You are unbelievable.”

A small scratching noise was coming from the window outside followed by a meow. Ahsoka’s head snapped towards the noise and she went to check it out. There was a middle-sized loth-cat. The cat’s whole body was white except a patch of brown on top of each eye. Which was now meowing in Ahsoka’s feet, not knowing if it could do anything else

“Did you get a loth cat and not tell me?”

“She’s not mine. She just came one day and I started feeding her. She comes from time to time and I give her food when I am here. She seems like she’s domesticized. She had a collar when she first came but not anymore. Didn’t have a tag or anything like that.”

The togruta had already started making noises at the animal and petting her. Obi-Wan got up, when to the kitchen and took out a packet from the cupboard under the sink. He passed the girl with the cat in her lap, went on the balcony and poured the food into a green plastic bowl. The cat run next to him and started eating. He petted her for a bit and stoop up.

“Okay then. I think it’s time you get ready for Uni and I am going to make us breakfast and then I am going talk to Anakin.”

“Okay, boss. Oh, there is something else I want to talk to you about.’

“Sure. What is it?”

“Um, I have actually started to look into some places where I can move to live. As you know I received some loan and grants before I entered Uni so I have some money saved and can live for a while on those. But I was wondering if you could still help me with checking out when I pick a place if it’s legit or not. You have some experience so I think it would help me greatly.”

“Yeah, yeah. No problem.”

“Okay, I have more to tell you but I am going to shower first.”

The ginger laughed to himself and returned his attention to the breakfast. He hasn’t cooked for himself in a while. Running on coffee and cereal lately hasn’t been that great on his health but work kept him from making healthy choices. Okay, he kept himself from making healthy choices. A soft meow interrupted his inner monologue and his attention shifted towards the small creature which was halfway inside halfway out. 

“Oh, water. I forgot. What an idiot.” 

He filled an empty jar with water and went outside to put it into another plastic bowl but this one was blue. 

“Here, little one. Enjoy.”

The man smiled slightly and petted the cat softly again, trying not to disturb it, then he returned inside and went to finish making the food. While the man was occupied with his furry friend the shower noise had stopped and minutes after that the young togruta came out surrounded by fog.

“You should be thankful I don’t ask you for money for the electric bill. Half of it it’s yours. Doesn’t your skin melt off or something. “

“No, Mr Freeze who would probably shower in ice cube bath. I don’t have your endurance. “

“I could say the same to you.” Obi-Wan sent his most mature response - sticking his tongue out which was returned by Ahsoka with twice the emotion. 

“What else are you going to tell me.”

The togruta got closer to the kitchen counter and started making coffee for both of them

“Oh. I asked Cody if he can help me with a job in like a month or two. And he said that he won’t be needing any additional staff for the near future but he said he can speak with some friends of his that are in the business and will let me know if something comes up. ”

“That’s great. I am so glad for you.” Obi-Wan set everything on the table, while Ahsoka put some background music to enjoy while they were eating. 

-----------------------------------------------

[kumeko]

A/N: I’m having fun writing this. Part 3 of the  @marveltrumpshate fic I wrote for @wombatking

Summary: There was something luxurious about waking up at 7:30am, to an empty room, with an empty bathroom, and the kitchen all to herself. Kitty hit the jackpot.

…

…

…

…

There was something luxurious about waking up at 7:30am. Absolutely luxurious. Kitty wanted nothing more than to sprawl over her bed, languidly stretching before she finally rolled off. Unfortunately, her right leg was a dead weight to all of this, so she had to settle for lazily yawning and spreading her arms above her. The birds had been awake for hours, her dormmates equally so, and she had the most glorious sleep. She hadn’t even noticed when Rogue had left for training, her roommate for once not waking her up with her extensive morning prep.

 For a girl who claimed that she didn’t care what others thought of her, she spent an awfully long time in front of the mirror. Kitty chuckled at the thought. Rogue was full of strange contradictions and the more she learned, the more she liked. It was strange to think that at one point they’d fought like cats and dogs.

 Well, if Kitty were honest, they still fought sometimes now, but they always made up after.

It was harder than she expected, to get off the bed. Her leg felt weird, her movements even more so—her legs didn’t feel in sync, her left far too light and quick, her right too slow and heavy. Walking was a strange hop and dance. Dressing even more so. She half-wished she had Velcro pants, like the ones Spike used for his stupid “my pants ripped off!” joke. The only problem was that they were ugly. On the bright side, she was more than used to putting a little pain in for her fashion.

 As she passed by a window, she caught sight of Jean and Amara running through the obstacle course, sweaty and tired. “Glad that’s not me,” she murmured, grinning as she stepped into the for-once-empty bathroom.

 She’d been wrong. The best part of her broken leg wasn’t sleeping in, it was the fact that there was no rush. No one knocked on the door, asking her to get out. Kitty didn’t have to bounce impatiently on her feet, waiting for the door to open so she could rush in. Nope, the bathroom was all hers, for however long she wanted.

 So was the kitchen, so was the tv—if she’d realized how good it was, she’d have broken her leg ages ago. Maybe in six weeks she could break the other one. Chewing on a piece of toast, she idly flipped through the channels. News, weather, Say Yes to the Dress, Psycho—

 “Ready to go?” Scott said, suddenly appearing behind her.

 Kitty almost dropped her toast, surprised.  Instinctively, she turned off the TV, flushing a bright red. “I, that—” She wasn’t even sure why she was feeling flustered. This was fine! Technically allowed! No one expected otherwise!

 Yet it was one thing to relax when no one was around, and another to do it in front of her slightly sweaty housemate. Scott’s hair might be carefully combed, but his skin still had a light sheen to it from all the exercise. Noticing her stare, he cocked his head. “What’s wrong?”

 He’d always been a slightly dense brick. Fighting back her embarrassment, Kitty scarfed down her toast and stood up. “N-nothing. Let’s go.”

 “Alright then. I pulled my car up front, so just slip in.” Scott picked up her backpack and slung it over his shoulder. “You know, instead of a reality show, you should try watching the news.”

 If Kitty could have, she would have stomped to the car.

 -x-

 “Hey girl!” Kitty got no other warning before a pair of slightly tanned arms wrapped around her neck, hugging her tight. Tabitha pressed her cheek against Kitty’s, her messy hair tickling her neck. As usual, her perfume was as loud as she was. “Heard you got hurt.”

 “Tabitha!” Kitty laughed, leaning into her friend. She’d been getting lonely anyways, sitting in the playground as she was. Kurt had gone to get lunch and unfortunately the track team wasn’t practicing, so she couldn’t even stare at them. “Did Amara tell you?”

 “Didn’t have to, I have eyes.” Tabitha let go and rested her hands on her hips. “I hear Blue is now two for two for training accidents?”

 “It was my fault this time, not his.” Kitty rubbed her neck sheepishly. To be honest, the other time hadn’t been entirely his fault either—Tabitha had a little to do with it. Gesturing at her leg, she explained, “I broke my leg, so now I’ve got that ugly thing.”

 “I know training sucks, but I didn’t think you’d go that far to get out.” Tabitha whistled as she saw the cast. “Damn, that’s clunky.”

 “I know, right! It’s like I have snowpants or something.” Kitty rapped on the top of her cast. “It’s so thick! I don’t want to know what’ll smell like after all of this heat.”

 “You’re lucky it isn’t summer, or you’d be roasting in it.” Tabitha scrunched her nose, her lips curling with disgust. “Broke my arm once, on a job, and not only was I utterly useless after, I reeked like Toad.”

 “Seriously?” Kitty didn’t have to ask to know what sort of ‘job’ she was referring to. Wincing, she looked at her cast again. Tabitha had to be exaggerating, right? “It’s not that bad, right? I can’t get it off for six weeks. I don’t want to deal with smell on top of everything.”

 “Just spray some perfume on it.” Tabitha winked. She mimed spraying it on. “Works like a charm.”

 “Eww.” Kitty glared at the offending cast, her heart sinking. Just how stinky could the thing get? She groaned. “So either I smell like Toad or a flowershop.”

 “Hey, the choice is yours.” Tabitha grinned, shrugging. “I bet Logan won’t like either smell.”

 “I don’t think Rogue or Kurt will like it either.”  Resigning herself to her fate, she hoped they’d still hang around her after six weeks were up.

 “Cheer up, it’s not that bad. You get a lot of sympathy goodies.” Tabitha crouched next to the cast, a marker in hand. She started doodling something, just out of Kitty’s sight. “People open doors for you, give you seats, sometimes even food—”

 “You shouldn’t eat things strangers give you,” Kitty warned, worried about that last one. Sometimes, she was amazed Tabitha made it to high school. More often, though, she was impressed the school hadn’t burned to the ground multiple times, considering her short temper. “And what’re you drawing?”

 “You’ll see!” Tabitha replied cheekily, her brow furrowed as she finished her masterpiece.

 Kitty rolled her eyes. “Fine, keep your secrets.”

 “I’m pretty good at that, ask anyone.” Tabitha smirked up at her. “How’re the geeks taking this? Bet Logan ain’t happy.”

 “They’re like, the only bad part.” Kitty grimaced, remembering Scott’s lectures. And she had to get a ride from him for the next six weeks—her mornings were going to be so ruined. “I swear, Scott and Jean won’t shut up about it, and Logan’s just counting down the days till he can make me suffer again.”

 Tabitha stood up now, laughing. “Sounds like ‘em.” Hand on her hip, she gave her a wry look. “Honestly, you should just ditch that whole scene and join me. It might not be the best place to stay, but it’s the funnest.”

 There was absolutely no way Kitty was staying in that rundown house the brotherhood claimed was ‘livable’. She’d been there a handful of times, and each time she wasn’t sure how the place hadn’t been torn down. At the very least, it had to be filled with lice or something. “I’m not that desperate.”

 “Yet.” Tabitha pocketed her marker and waved before waltzing away. “Lemme know if you change your mind.”

 “Not happening!” Kitty laughed, watching as a garbage bin exploded.

 -x-

 Kitty lay on her bed, examining her cast by her tablelamp light. It was, perhaps, the first time she’d gotten to use that thing without having to cram for a test or something. Today was actually full of firsts—she finished her homework without having to rush, she had dinner on time, and hey, she saw an episode of her favourite drama on time instead of catching a rerun.

 Even now, she was lying in her bed, at 11pm, and not bone-tired for once. Across the room, Rogue snored lightly as she slept, too tired from training to complain about the light. The house was utterly silent at that this time and if it weren’t for the lights-out rules, she’d have snuck around to see just how different the house was at night.

 For now, she bent over her cast, running her fingers along the different signatures she’d collected. After Tabitha had signed it, the rest of her friends popped in, one after another, all ready to make a mark. The once white cast was now a collage of signatures and messages. Rogue had written her name in purple ink, with nothing else added to it, and Kitty couldn’t figure out if it was because she didn’t have anything she wanted to write, or if it was because she was too embarrassed to put anything.

 Feel better soon, Honey, Kurt had written in blue ink, and Kitty smiled as she pressed her fingers on the pink heart he’d drawn beside his name. It was utterly cheesy, but she liked that about Kurt.

 There was a picture of a grumpy Logan next to Spike’s name, and Kitty covered her mouth to muffle her laughter. He was a terrible artist, and that only made it funnier. Logan was either a furious hedgehog or he was some new evolution of a bear. Definitely not human, at the very least.

 Finally finished with all the easy to read signatures, Kitty leaned forward and strained her neck to see what was on the back of her cast. More importantly, to see what Tabitha had spent so long drawing. Biting her tongue and squinting, she could just make out the picture.

 It was a dick.

 Of course it was. She flopped back on her bed, and silently swore revenge.

[ohemgeeitscoley]

The one I have been waiting for (Part Two of Two)

Ben Solo is the recently assigned editor for Rey Johnson’s book about star-crossed lovers in space when the world is turned upside down and stay home orders are issued. Ben and Rey begin working together over Zoom and their relationship grows.

Or, an and they were zoomates fic.

Based on this Tumblr post.

Fandom: Star Wars

Pairing: Rey/Ben Solo (Reylo)

Chapter One

Note: And here’s the rest! I hope you guys enjoy this. I had a ton of fun writing it and playing with these characters and this situation.

@andyouweremine​ is 100% to blame for the last Zoom scene, which was not a part of the plan and she talked me into it after I told her the story was done. You know. Like the best kind of friend.

Read below or on AO3.

Rey Johnson: Hi Ben, I was wondering if you are busy?

Rey Johnson: This has nothing to do with the book or my writing. I've actually written a ton. Talking to you really helped yesterday.

Rey Johnson: I was going to try to come up with some excuse to start talking to you. But honestly I'm just lonely. All of my friends have someone else that they are quarantined with so I feel like I might be bothering them at this point. And I really hate to be that person, but I just was hoping we could talk about something?

Rey Johnson: oh god okay you haven't said anything and I'm really sorry if this was inappropriate please let's pretend this conversation never happened.

Ben: I'd love to just talk.

Ben: You waited less than a minute before trying to revoke that offer, by the way.

Ben: I think it takes my brain longer than that to even think of a response let alone type one.

Rey Johnson: You seem to be doing just fine now 😜

Rey Johnson: And thank you. I didn't realize how much I needed human contact before all of this.

Ben: I understand. 

Rey Johnson: So, I'm ordering groceries to be delivered and they have a limit on cup of noodles now? And does it make me a bad person if I order the maximum quantity at different stores?

Rey Johnson: That sounds bad. I'm not a bad person I swear. I just, I really never learned to cook growing up and it hasn't been a priority in my adult life.

Rey Johnson: Don't hate me. I swear I'm not the kind of person who would buy more than I need in a pandemic.

Ben: I don't think that makes you a bad person. I am, however, very concerned that ramen is the primary component to your daily nutrition. 

Rey Johnson: I'm not a total animal. I mix in veggies and occasionally I'll even add in real meat. 

Ben: I could send you recipes? Easy ones. My mom is demanding my family attend these weekly virtual dinner parties. 

Ben: And one of her requirements is that we all make the same meal. So, she's been bombarding my uncles and me with easy recipes. 

Ben: Plus this way if you need help, I can help you. 

Rey Johnson: I would love that. Send them over. 

Rey Johnson: Thanks Ben. 

----

Ben hadn’t expected Rey’s accent. If he was being entirely honest with himself, Ben hadn’t expected Rey to be anything like she was.

Her laugh was light and had to be earned, which he appreciated. Her hazel eyes seemed to brighten when she was arguing with him about Kira and Kylo’s connection and, especially, when she bit down on her lip to stop herself from interrupting him. He wondered how much of her personality was lost to a screen and what it would be like to see her in person.

She was beautiful.

Not that he should necessarily be having these kinds of thoughts about her.  He had read through the entire HR policy handbook the night after their first video call and it wasn’t explicitly forbidden for writers and editors to see each other. The policy just required full disclosure at the start of a relationship.

He also recognized that two video calls and a few messages was hardly enough to warrant such research. There was a more than very real chance that Rey would want absolutely nothing to do with him socially. She wouldn’t be the first.

He glanced down at his phone, and the messages from Rey, and smiled. 

But he hoped that maybe she would.

Ben went to his computer, pulling up his work email and searching for the messages between Leia, Luke and Chewie. He was only able to find the first thread, which only had one recipe that was decidedly not an easy one to follow. What had followed Leia’s first message was around thirty replies between the three of them about how Leia couldn’t expect either Luke or Chewie to know how to cook beef wellington on a few days’ notice.

To be fair, Ben was a fairly decent cook, and he wasn’t entirely sure he could pull off beef wellington.

He had been so sure though that his mom had said she was going to send other recipes for them to choose from. He can almost clearly see something about how she’d send over a recipe for mac and cheese if they’d just calm down about it.

But looking through his email now, he can’t actually find any of those recipes.

---

Ben: Hey mom. I was planning on making my grocery delivery order soon and I can’t find any of the recipes you sent over? 

Mom: Your uncles haven’t picked a final recipe yet. I believe they are currently still lobbying that we all just buy the same Hamburger Helper meal kit and call it a day. I have sent dozens of recipes to choose from and this is what they are stuck on.

Mom: I think even Luke can manage to make tacos.

Ben: What recipes? I can only find the beef wellington recipe.

Ben: Which, really?

Mom: What else are they doing while staying at home? They both have plenty of time to learn to cook one recipe.

Ben: Luke works from home outside of the stay home order. So, I would imagine he has just as much time as before.

Mom: Are you really defending your uncle to me right now Benjamin?

Ben: So, where are those other recipes? I can’t find them.

Mom: I removed you from the email chain. I know you get sick of hearing us all bicker. I figured I’d just send you the final recipe once we get a consensus. 

Ben: Oh. Could you send them to me anyways?

Mom: They are basic recipes Ben. For things like tacos and spaghetti. You could write better recipes than what I am sending out.

Ben: Still. I should have them.

Mom: Why?

Ben: Why can’t you just send them to me?

Mom: If you are looking for easy recipes Ben, you know how to perform an internet search. I’ve seen you do it.

Ben: You are being impossible.

Mom: I’ll send them. 

Ben: Thank you.

Mom: If you tell me why you want them.

Ben: This is ridiculous. I’ll just “perform an internet search.” Thanks Mom.

Mom: Oh come on Ben. Something is up. You wouldn’t be acting so weird if there wasn’t a reason you want these recipes.

Ben: Fine.

Ben: I’ve been talking to Rey Johnson.

Mom: Oh really? How is her book coming along?

Ben: Great. Really great actually.

Mom: Does she need recipe ideas for her book?

Ben: What? No. 

Ben: We’ve been talking about non work related things and she mentioned not knowing how to cook.

Ben: So, I figured I’d send over some of the easier recipes I assumed you’d been sending Luke and Chewie.

Mom: You’ve been talking about non work related things?

Ben: Yes. Is that okay?

Mom: That’s more than okay.

Mom:  I could just send the recipes directly to her if you’d like.

Ben: I can send them to her.

Mom: It’s just as easy for me to do it Ben.

Ben: Mom.

Mom: Should I reach out to Amilyn for HR purposes?

Ben: You are impossible.

----

Ben: Dad. Can you please have mom forward me the recipes she’s been sending to Luke and Chewie. 

Ben: Without asking any questions.

Ben: I really would appreciate it.

Dad: Sure thing, kid.

----

“Hey, what’s up?” Ben asked as he answered the incoming video call on his cell phone from Rey.

He took in his messy hair, and the plain black t-shirt he was wearing, and realized that maybe he shouldn’t have been so quick to answer. 

She looked amazing.

Her hair was up in three separate buns. The tank top that she was wearing was thin and he could see the outline of her black bra underneath the thin fabric. 

The image on his phone quickly shifted as she changed the camera view so that he was staring at a box of groceries on her doorstep.

Oh. 

“Ben. What is all of this?” Rey asked and he isn’t sure if she is amused or annoyed and he really wished that he could see her. 

“The ingredients to the recipes I’m about to send you.” Ben responded with a small shrug. “I wasn’t able to get them to you before you placed your grocery order. And I really couldn’t stomach you only eating ramen for the next week.”

“Ben,” Rey sighed, and suddenly she was back on his screen shaking her head. “You could have just sent the recipes and I could have made another order.”

“Sure,” Ben grinned. “Or I could have done just what I did.”

“At least let me pay you back.”

“No need,” Ben waved his hand in front of the screen. “Honestly, Rey.”

“I don’t even know what to do with half of these,” Rey admitted, holding up a bell pepper. “Am I going to blind myself if I accidently rub my eyes while cutting one of these?”

Ben laughed, running his hand through his hair while he shook his head. “Maybe let’s just start by putting everything away and deciding what we are making tonight.”

“We?” Rey asked, a small smile spreading on her face.

“If you want?” Ben offered, tapping a finger against his counter. “I figured we could make dinner together. I’m pretty sure I can walk you through all of these recipes.”

“Yeah. That sounds nice.”

----

Ben: Is it okay if I text you about book things? Or would you prefer an email or a scheduled video call?

Rey Johnson: A scheduled video call? Ben. We literally stopped talking an hour ago.

Ben: I just want to make sure you are okay with it.

Rey Johnson: It’s fine. 

Rey Johnson: What’s up?

Ben: I read through what you sent this morning. And I wanted to point out that I noticed.

Rey Johnson: Noticed what?

Ben: That you haven’t finished the scene about whether or not Kira takes Kylo’s hand and are writing ambiguous future scenes that could work either way.

Rey Johnson: No idea what you are talking about. 😇

Ben: Sure you don’t.

Rey Johnson: New number. Who is this?

----

Rey stretched her legs down toward the end of her bed, switching the arm that is holding her phone up so she can stretch her arm out as well. She rolled to her side, setting her phone down on her nightstand, leaned up against the lamp.

“We already watched three episodes of Witcher today Ben,” Rey pointed out, stifling a yawn. “It’s my turn for show choices.”

“You don’t look like you’re going to be up much longer,” Ben pointed out.

“I’m fine,” Rey mumbled, fighting against the heaviness of her eyes. “You’re just saying that so you can get out of watching the next episode of Legacies.”

It had been the same conversation between the two of them, more or less, for the last few weeks. Rey mostly wrote in the mornings and she and Ben had a few early afternoon meetings a week on what she was working on and the progress she had made.

They argue about whether or not Kira is going to take Kylo's hand.

Outside of those meetings though, most of their conversations never returned to work. Which was something since they spent most of their days talking to one another.

In the evenings they made dinner together and talked about what they were going to do once the world finally opened back up. Ben was keeping a list of their ideas. Rey liked imagining that they would go through the list together. 

Neither of them ever brought it up, but Rey hoped that Ben imagined it too.

Ben caved on the binge watching two weeks after the stay home order was in place. Initially Rey had joked that he should try Tiger King or Too Hot to Handle. They downloaded the programs to sync their computers and watched the first episode of Too Hot to Handle together. Watching Ben’s face through the first ten minutes was worth all of her own feelings of embarrassment.

Ben’s ears did turn pink when he blushed. Something that Rey really wanted to see in person.

She was thankful for Ben. Without him she knew that her quarantine quality of life would have been severely diminished, but she wanted to actually see him.

“Hey Ben,” Rey started, squirming around in her bed until she was under her blanket. “When the stay home order finally gets lifted, I would… I really want to see you.”

“Of course,” Ben answered, and Rey grinned at how quickly he responded. “We have a list of things we are going to do.”

“Together.” Rey confirmed, closing her eyes. “A list of things to go do together.”

Ben telling her good night is the last thing Rey hears before falling asleep.

----

Dad: Your mom wants you to invite Rey to virtual dinner on Saturday.

Dad: I get the idea that she isn’t going to take no as an answer. 

Ben: Can you distract her long enough for me to change my phone number?

Dad: Just invite her, Ben. 

Ben: Okay. Fine.

----

Mom: I’d love for you to invite Rey to dinner on Saturday. Your uncles would like to meet her. 

Ben: Why would they want to meet her Mom? I haven’t talked about her with them.

Mom: I’ve talked to them.

Ben: Mom.

Mom: Your uncles decided on lasagna. I’ll send you the recipe.

Ben: I’ll ask her, but I’m not sure that she’ll want to attend.

Mom: I’m sure you can convince her. 😉

Ben: I’m never talking to you again.

----

"You got big plans this weekend?" Rey asked, teasing him. "Should I be jealous you have other people to hang out with. I thought you loved watching Legacies with me."

"I love spending time with you," Ben corrected, a slight blush coating his cheeks. "I could give or take Legacies." 

Rey laughed, her face wrinkling and her mouth open wide.

Ben smiled in return without thought. It was strange to him, how easy it was to smile when he talked with her.

"Actually," Ben started, reaching a hand up to scratch at his neck. "My mom invited you to Saturday dinner."

"Oh," Rey said, looking away from the screen. "Really?"

"Yes," Ben confirmed. "I would say no pressure, but my mom doesn't really take no for an answer."

Rey gave him a small, tight smile. "I would be honored to attend."

Ben sighed in relief. "We are making lasagna. I'll send you the recipe."

"I can't wait," Rey said. "Hopefully I won't do anything to embarrass you."

"Nothing," Ben promised, "Nothing you could do would be embarrassing."

"My family," he continued, shaking his head. "I apologize now. I would understand if you never talked to me again."

"Never," Rey responded immediately. "You're the only thing keeping me sane."

“I feel the same way.”

“You do?" Rey asked, her eyes slightly widening. “Here I was thinking you are just being nice.”

“I’m not nice,” Ben offered, shrugging his shoulders. “You can ask just about anyone that knows me. It’s not what I am known for.”

“I find that hard to believe. You’ve been nothing but nice to me.”

Ben doesn’t know what to say in response, glancing away from his phone. “So I’ll call you at two on Saturday? The dinner starts at six.”

“It’s a date,” Rey blushed, but smiled at him. “I can’t wait.”

----

New Group Chat Created

Ben: I talked with Rey and she will be there this Saturday.

Ben: Please, please, please, do not do or say anything that would embarrass me.

Ben: This means no baby pictures, mom.

Chewie: I’m hurt that you would think so little of me.

Uncle Luke: Honestly Ben. How little do you think of us?

Ben: Do you really want me to answer that?

Dad: No. 

Mom: But Benjamin, you were such a cute baby with those ears and your hair. 

Ben: Mom.

Dad: Leia.

Dad: Let the kid be.

Uncle Luke: There is that cute picture of him naked and playing in the sprinkler that I always thought was going to be a future hit.

Ben: I’m univitating her.

----

Rey threw another shirt onto the growing pile on her bed. She huffed, closing her eyes as she tried to imagine the perfect outfit to wear when attending a video dinner with her crushes entire family.

Her crush.

God, she felt like she was fifteen. 

Crush wasn’t even the right word to describe what she felt toward Ben. She wasn’t sure what the right word would be. 

She wished she knew where they stood. Logically, she knew that it was a conversation that they should have, one that was needed at this point. But she didn’t want to ruin whatever they had by trying to figure out what was going on with them.

He was there for her. Every day. Without fail. He called her. He texted her. He sent her stupid quarantine memes and videos to make her laugh.

He kept a list of post quarantine activities for them.

She was almost positive that he was on the same page as her. That they were heading toward… something.

She hoped there were at least.

She pulled up Poe’s contact information, hitting the video call button.

“Hey Rey,” Poe responded, a bright grin on his face. “Also, wow, you are naked.”

“I’m not naked,” Rey rolled her eyes. “I’m in my bra.”

“Practically naked,” Poe amended. “What’s going on?”

“Don’t laugh,” Rey began, “But Ben? My editor? I’m going to be attending a… virtual dinner with his parents and uncles.”

“Ben, your editor?” Poe mocked, laughing. “Rey, you can just say your boyfriend.”

“He’s not my boyfriend.”

“You guys make dinner and are binge watching two different shows,” Poe pointed out. “You are in a relationship.”

“We aren’t… we haven’t, we haven’t talked about anything like that.”

“Okay,” Poe conceded, holding his hands up in mock defeat. “I’ll leave it for now. What’s the problem?”

“I have no idea what to wear,” Rey admitted, switching the camera mode to show him the pile of clothes tossed on her bed. 

“Oh, wow.” Poe shook his head. “Babe. You just need to stop overthinking this.”

“I just want to make a good impression.” Rey bit down on her bottom lip. “I want to look nice, but not too nice for a virtual dinner.”

“I truly think sweatpants and a t-shirt would be appropriate for a virtual dinner.”

“You once told me that sweatpants were the first sign of a girl giving in to being alone forever.”

“Yeah, well, that was before quarantine.”

“Poe,” Rey exaggerated his name, holding onto the vowels for seconds. “Please just help me.”

“Jeans. And what about that yellow top you wore last time you went out with me and Finn?”

Rey nodded, walking over to her closet to pull out the yellow, flowy tank top she wore that night. “This one?”

“That one,” Poe confirmed. “It’s perfect. I think it captures your personality.”

“That’s ridiculous, but okay. Thank you.”

“I expect to be your maid of honor in your future wedding for this.”

“Poe!” Rey shook her head in amusement. 

“Love you! Bye!”

----

“Hi,” Ben said. “You changed.”

“So did you,” Rey noted, nodding at the screen.

Ben looked down at the button down shirt he had changed into. “You look nice.”

Rey smiled shyly. “Thank you.”

“My family can be,” Ben paused, trying to think of the right words. “A bit much.”

“Ben,” Rey shook her head. “It’s going to be fine.”

“Just promise me if my mom actually starts trying to show you baby pictures of me that you’ll look away.”

“I can make no such promise,” Rey laughed. “I’m sure you were a cute baby though.”

“I really wasn’t,” Ben sighed. “I am still waiting to grow into my ears.”

“I like your ears.”

Ben glanced down, happy that his hair was currently covering his ears. “I was just thinking that if you wanted a code word, you know, to end the call, now is the time to come up with one.”

“Ben,” Rey laughed his name. “It’s going to be fine. I’m going to love everyone. I’m more worried that they are going to hate me.”

“That’s just… that’s not possible.”

Rey rolled her eyes. “I think you might be a little biased at this point.”

“Maybe,” Ben admitted. “But I also know my family. Trust me. It isn’t possible.”

-----

Ben watched as Rey started laughing again, her smile wide and open as she tilted her head back. He could hear Luke and Han chuckling in the background, but he had pinned Rey’s frame as soon as they had merged into the dinner video call.

He had been right, of course, his family loved Rey. It probably should scare Ben at how easily Rey fit in with them. Easily picking up on their different personalities and slightly shifting and overplaying aspects of her personality to win them over.

He wished that she believed that she didn't need to change anything for them to love her. But it made him happy watching her try so hard to impress them. A part of him was still in denial and was convinced that Rey was putting in that kind of effort for reasons that didn't involve him at all.

But a bigger part of him knew that Rey wanted to fit in with them because she wanted to be with him. They hadn't talked about it, but Ben hoped that she knew that he wanted to be with her. 

He needed the stay home order lifted so that he could take her to one of the many locations on their post-quarantine adventure list. Once he was allowed to leave his apartment for non-emergent reasons nothing was going to keep him away from her.

He had already found himself halfway out the door ready to go over to her apartment numerous times over the last few weeks. If the order wasn't lifted soon, he wasn't sure how much longer he could wait.

He wanted to actually hold her while they watched Legacies. He wanted to be able to reach out and take her hand and show her the correct way to cut bell peppers. 

He wanted to discover and know all of the little things that she did that were lost over a computer screen.

"Ben?" Leia asked, snapping her fingers in front of the screen. "Maybe you can stop thinking about Rey long enough to join the conversation again?"

"What?" Ben sputtered, hoping that his face wasn't as red as it felt. But judging from the way his mom was laughing and Chewie was grinning at him, he was positive that it was. "Did you say something? I had a… work email that distracted me."

“A work email?” Leia asked, fake innocence dripping from her voice, “Is it important? Should I hop on and read it as well?”

“I was just saying,” Han started, placing his hand on Leia’s shoulder. “That this has been nice and that we hope Rey can make it to one of our weekly dinners once we are allowed to meet in person again.”

“Maybe even two,” Chewie added.

“Or three,” Luke finished.

“The lasagna was great, Leia,” Rey said, pulling Ben’s attention back to the screen. “And honestly so easy to make. I think I could have pulled this one off without Ben’s help.”

“Oh really?” Ben asked, raising his eyebrows. “Those are brave words coming from the girl who once asked if she was going to go blind while cutting bell peppers.”

Rey stuck her tongue out at him. “That was weeks ago. How many meals have we made since then? I’m practically a chef at this point. Maybe I’ll quit writing and open up a restaurant once quarantine ends.”

Ben snorted. “Literally anything to avoid writing a certain scene.”

“That’s not--”

“How is the book coming?” Leia interrupted, an amused grin on her face.

Actually, Ben noted, every single one of his family members had an amused smile on their face.

“Really well,’ Rey responded. “Ben has been a great editor. Even if we disagree on a pivotal scene.”

“She just doesn’t like to admit that I am right.”

“I have no problem admitting that you are right, when you are actually right,” Rey teased, taking a sip from her wine glass. “You still haven’t convinced me.”

"Maybe we should go over the list of reasons that I've given you already again tonight," Ben suggested. "I know you had your heart set on finishing up Legacies tonight, but this might be more important."

"Nothing is more important than finishing Legacies," Rey argued. "Besides you promised we would finish Legacies since we finished Witcher first. You going back on your promises now Ben?"

"Oh, Ben never breaks his promises," Leia said, and Ben glanced down at the bottom of his screen. He had forgotten for a minute that he was blatantly flirting with Rey in front of his parents and uncles. The knowing look on Leia and Han's face was insufferable, and somehow worse than the amused expressions on Luke and Chewie's face.

Ben really wasn't looking forward to reading whatever messages were waiting for him in the group chat he created between all of them. He had pushed his phone as far away from him as possible when Luke and Chewie wouldn't stop going on about how nice it was to finally meet Ben's girlfriend and how pretty she really was. 

At this point, Ben might only ever willingly talk to his dad ever again. He at least tried to get everyone to leave him alone.

He had never regretted creating a group more. 

"Where are you at in Legacies?" Luke asked. "I haven't started it yet, but if I have to stay home much longer, I might start. A lot of my students have been talking about it."

Ben smiled as he watched the animated way Rey responded to his uncle while they discussed the show. 

He wanted to see her. Stay home order be damned, he was going to see her.

----

Chewie: Rey is absolutely wonderful Ben. 

Uncle Luke: You should ask her out soon, a girl like that won't be single for long.

Dad: Luke.

Uncle Luke: What? 🤷🏼‍♂️ Someone needs to be honest with him. I don’t think I’ve ever seen Ben look that awestruck at a person before.

Dad: Did Leia ask you to take over harping at him so Ben would stop ignoring her calls?

Uncle Luke: I’m certain I have no idea what you are talking about.

Mom: I would never do anything like that. 

Dad: Leia.

Mom: But I would appreciate it if my son would pick up the phone every now and then. 

Ben: I’m blocking everyone but Dad.

---

Ben: I have a crazy idea. And you can absolutely, definitely say no if it makes you uncomfortable in any way.

Ben: Also, I am now realizing how sexual that sounded and I am regretting this already.

Ben: I should have thought my words through more there.

Ben: We can just ignore this entirely.

Rey Johnson: Ben. Stop.

Rey Johnson: Maybe I wouldn’t turn down a crazy sexual idea.

Rey Johnson: You’ll have no idea if you keep shooting yourself down before I can even respond.

Ben: Okay.

Rey Johnson: So, what’s this crazy idea? And just how sexual is it?

Ben: It’s not.

Ben: Sexual.

Ben: It might be crazy.

Ben: I really wish I could take back this conversation.

Rey Johnson: I really wish we could be having this conversation face to face.

Ben: … that’s my idea.

Ben: I haven’t left my house in well over fourteen days. I don’t think you have either? 

Ben: And I have a car. So if I wear a mask, and go straight to my car, and straight to your apartment. I mean. The risk is low, right?

Ben: I could also bring clothes, and I could just take a shower when I get there, to lower the risk even more?

Rey Johnson: I thought you said this wasn’t sexual?

Ben: I didn’t mean it like that. 

Ben: I meant a very perfunctory decontamination shower.

Rey Johnson: I’m teasing you Ben. 

Rey Johnson: Come over. 

Rey Johnson: We’ll talk about the perfunctoriness of your future shower in person.

Rey Johnson: [address sent]

---

Kneeling down on the floor, Rey placed another book on her bookshelf, adjusting the snow globe on the edge of the shelf again. She had been keeping herself busy with cleaning since she had sent Ben her address, just waiting for him to arrive. The fact that Ben had proposed it as an idea made her heart swell. She had almost asked him a dozen times over the last few weeks, but each time she managed to talk herself out of it at the last minute.

She was nervous. Rey blamed the wine for how bold she had been in the messages she had sent to him. Now that she was waiting though, with nothing but her own thoughts, Rey was worried that it was too much, too soon. While Rey was fairly confident that Ben asking to come over was a good sign, a sign that she wasn't alone in her attraction, it was hard for her to focus on that and not on the constant intruding thoughts that she was going to be left alone again. 

Ben had been the best part of her days and nights for weeks, and she was scared that he might be disappointed when he saw her. Or that he might decide that her appeal wasn't the same in person. Rey didn't want to lose him.

Not for the first time since the stay home order had been in place, Rey wished she could schedule a therapy appointment with her counselor. A childhood of being left behind and unwanted had left many scars and shadows in her brain. 

Ben had been nothing but kind to her. He flirted with her, he laughed with her, he spent hours on video calls with her walking her through how to make meals that Rey was pretty convinced idiots could handle making without any help. He was patient and good. 

A part of her knew that meeting him in person wasn't going to change anything for the worse, she just needed to remind herself that she deserved good things and good people.

And Ben Solo was a good person. Even if he argued with her over that fact with stories and worries about who he was at his last job, some awful publishing company that took advantage of writers with shady contracts.  

Mistakes didn't define a person's entire character though. And Rey knew all the work he had done to try to make the situation right. He was the reason for the multimillion dollar lawsuit against the company and he was still meeting with lawyers remotely to help bolster the plaintiffs' cases.

A knock on the door pulled her attention from her thoughts. Standing up, Rey brushed her hands down the colorful leggings and pulled down on the large, baggy black tank top she had changed into after dinner. Briefly, Rey considered running back into her bedroom and finding something more appealing to throw on, but then Ben knocked on the door again and Rey remembered that this is the same guy who told her she looked beautiful after she fell asleep during a call and woke up with drool dried to the side of her mouth.

"Hi," Rey greeted him, as she pulled open her front door. 

He was tall and broad, which Rey already knew, but seeing him in person put it in a different perspective. Rey fought against her first instinct to step into the hallway to hug him, her fingers tightening on the door knob still in her hand. 

"Hi," Ben responded and his voice was so much deeper in person. Rey couldn't see his smile because of the black mask that covered half of his face, but she knew that he was smiling with the way his eyes crinkled in the corners. "Can I come in?"

Without a word Rey stepped back to let him in. "You're really here," she said after Ben shut the door. She couldn't stop smiling at him. He held up the duffel bag in his hand as a question.  

Rey laughed, taking the bag from him and setting it down behind the couch. "I thought you were kidding about the decontamination shower."

"The perfunctory decontamination shower," Ben corrected, reaching up to take off his mask. He was smiling as he sat the mask down on the table.  

And oh, Rey had thought he was gorgeous on her computer screen, but seeing him smile in person, nothing was going to beat that. Her computer screen would never be enough again.

"I figured I'd bring clothes just in case," Ben continued, removing his leather gloves. "Whatever it takes for you to be comfortable with me being here. If you want to me to shower, I can do that. Change my clothes? I can definitely do that. If you've got a bottle of Lysol and you'd like to spray me--"

"Ben," Rey interrupted, taking a step closer to him.  "I think I'd really like it if you'd just kiss me already."

Ben stopped talking and looked at her. Rey shifted her weight under his stare, waiting for him to say or do anything. The longer he was silent the more embarrassed she grew. 

She was about to apologize when Ben finally moved toward her and kissed her. The kiss was chaste and slow at first, Ben still closing the distance between their bodies. He placed his hands on her waist, which were warm and large as they slid down her sides.

Rey opened her mouth, deepening the kiss as she pressed herself up to wrap her arms around his neck. She ran her hands through his dark, wavy hair, enjoying the softness of the strands as they fell through her fingers. Ben hummed his appreciation against her lips.

Ben pulled away first, breathing heavily as he rested his forehead against hers. "Hi," he breathed, a wide smile on his face.

"Hi," Rey grinned back at him. "I'm really glad you came."

"Me too," Ben agreed, placing a kiss on her nose and then her forehead before he stood up straight and pulled her into his chest. "I can't believe you're really here."

"Me either," Rey said, taking a deep breath in an attempt to commit the smell of Ben to her memory. Placing a kiss against his chest, Rey lowered her arms from Ben's neck and wrapped them around his waist. "You smell nice. No shower needed."

"I'm glad," Ben laughed, his chest rumbling under her ear. Rey loved the way it sounded. "I guess I didn't need the extra set of clothes."

Ben moved his hands off of Rey to pull off his glove. He tossed it on to the table, before running his hands down her back.

"I suppose that depends on what the plan is." Rey said, her voice light and airy. "I could think of a few options where having extra clothes might be beneficial."

"Oh?" Ben questioned. "Want to share these plans?"

"Well, obviously we have some episodes of Legacies to watch."

"Obviously," Ben snorted, shaking his head. "I do have this theory that I'll enjoy the show much more when I'm holding you and can pay more attention to you than the show."

Rey blushed. "Maybe if you paid more attention to the show instead of thinking up these theories you'd be enjoying it more."

"I don't know. I quite enjoy thinking up those theories," Ben pressed a kiss into her hair. "And after Legacies?"

"Dessert. Maybe a game."

"And then?"

"And then in the morning," Rey said, pulling back from Ben slightly until she could glance up at him, tapping her fingers against his spine to try to dispel some of the nerves building up in her stomach. "In the morning, I was thinking maybe you could teach me how to make waffles."

"Waffles? What about pancakes?" Ben teased, brushing a piece of hair behind Rey's ear.

"Sure," Rey shrugged. "Or pancakes. If you stay, I won't be picky. I just, I want you to stay."

"I'll stay."

-----

“Ben,” Rey giggled as Ben moved his lips down her neck. “Ben. It’s 6:00.”

“I know.”

“It’s time for dinner with your family.”

“I know,” Ben repeated, placing a kiss on her shoulder. 

“You are distracting me,” Rey complained. “Nothing is ready.”

“The food is ready,” Ben mummered, pointing at the enchiladas that were cooling on her counter. “I’m dressed. You’re dressed. What more needs to be done?”

Rey spun around, pressing her back against the counter. “Ben. It’s 6:00. And you’re still here.”

Ben’s eyes widened slightly as he realized the problem. “I have my laptop. We can just set me up in a different room.”

“You don’t think they are going to notice that the apartment you are in isn’t your apartment?”

Ben was silent, thinking through their problem. “I’ll use one of those zoom backgrounds.”

“You hate them.”

“Yes.” Ben nodded. “Yes, I do.”

“We can just tell them.”

“We could,” Ben conceded. “But then the entire dinner is going to be us listening to my family ask extremely embarrassing and personal questions and I just… I don’t--”

 Rey interrupted him with a kiss, smiling against his lips when she pulled away. 

“Go get set up in my room. I’ll bring the food in,” Rey walked over to the deep fryer, blowing on a still-too-hot tortilla chip before popping it in her mouth. 

Ben had insisted on making homemade tortilla chips. Which really didn’t surprise her.

“We could also skip dinner,” Ben offered, following behind her. He lowered his head down to place a kiss just below her ear, before whispering, “We could have sex instead.”

“Ben,” Rey whined, setting her hands on top of his. 

“Really, really good sex.”

“Go pick a background babe,” Rey said, shaking her head in amusement. She opened the cabinet above her, pulling down two plates. “We’re all ready.”

“Fine,” Ben grumbled. Rey turned her head to give him one last kiss before he walked away to her room.

Dinner was going fine. Better than fine really. Luke and Chewie had spent the first half an hour making fun of Ben’s background, an image of the city at night. Ben had taken the teasing with a smile, saying that he had wanted to try something new. 

The enchiladas were great and the tortilla chips Ben had made were amazing. The wine Ben had picked out for the dinner went well. Han and Rey were talking about cars and Rey was enjoying watching Ben pretend to be annoyed at the focus of the conversation being on Han’s other child. 

No one seemed to be aware that Rey and Ben were in the same apartment, and Rey felt a rush of satisfaction come over her for getting away with it.

Then Rey dropped her wine glass, spilling the liquid down the front of her shirt. The glass broke on the edge of the table and when Rey went to pick it up, she felt the burn of the cut along her thumb.

“Fuck,” Rey shouted, sticking her thumb in her mouth without thought. 

“Are you okay?” Leia asked, a look of concern on her face.

“I’m fine,” Rey responded, blushing. “I’m just a bit of a klutz.”

Rey didn’t even notice that Ben was no longer on her screen until he was in front of her, setting down the first aid kid from her bathroom on the table next to her computer.

“Are you okay?” He asked, pulling at her hand to look at the cut. He inspected the cut with precision that the small cut didn’t warrant. 

“Ben, I’m fine,” Rey lifted her non-injured hand up to cup his chin and force him to look at her. “It’s no worse than a papercut. It’s not even really bleeding.”

“Still,” Ben glanced over at the first aid kit, opening it up and pulling out the small bottle of hydrogen peroxide. “You’ll let me clean it. And put a band-aid on it.”

“Sure babe,” Rey laughed. “As long as you admit that you’re doing this for you, and not for me.”

Ben didn’t say anything, he poured a small amount of the hydrogen peroxide on her finger, blowing on it as the chemical bubbled slightly along the cut. 

“Um,” Luke’s voice pulled Rey’s attention back to her computer. Han, Leia, Luke and Chewie were all staring at her and Ben. Rey had never seen such a big smile as the one on Leia’s face. Han smirked, as if he had known the entire time. 

“Anything you two want to share with the class?” Luke asked. 

Ben didn’t look away from Rey’s finger as he carefully wrapped the band-aid around the cut. “I’m at Rey’s apartment. Obviously.”

“And that’s why you had that ridiculous background?” Leia asked. “You didn’t want to just tell us that you were at Rey’s?”

“I was hoping to avoid this entire conversation,” Ben admitted, lifting Rey’s finger up to inspect the bandage. He placed a gentle kiss over the band-aid before gently placing her hand back in her lap. 

“I didn’t think you were supposed to be going around to be other people’s houses during stay home orders,” Chewie teased. 

“Violating the Governor’s directives to get a girlfriend? I guess he is your son after all, Han,” Luke said with a laugh. 

Ben blushed and Rey leaned forward to kiss his cheek. “I need to go change my shirt,” Rey said, smiling at the camera. “I think I’ll need Ben’s help. You know, since I’m injured. So we’ll see you guys next week!”

“The ‘barely a papercut’ injury?” Leia teased.

"Better safe than sorry!” Rey exclaimed. She gave them all a tiny wave goodbye before exiting the meeting. 

The screen had barely closed out before Ben’s phone started lighting up with text messages.

“Maybe you should mute the group chat,” Rey said, laughing at some of the messages as the preview popped up on his screen.

“Probably a good idea.”

“Thanks for coming to my rescue,” Rey said, sliding her hands around his neck to pull him in for a kiss.

“Always,” he whispered against her lips.

“Now, you were saying something earlier about really, really good sex?” 

-----

Rey grinned as Ben squeezed her hand, pulling her into the ice cream shop with them. The stay home order was finally lifted and restaurants were opening, and even if new, additional social distancing requirements came along, the ability to be standing in an actual ice cream shop with Ben was worth all of it.

Even if they had to make reservations to go get ice cream. It was a new normal, and one she was more than willing to make adjustments for. 

Ben’s smile was infectious as he looked down at the ice cream flavors in the bins at the back of the room.

“I think,” Ben said, glancing up to the man behind the counter, “I would love a waffle cone with strawberry ice cream.”

“How many scoops?”

“Three.”

Rey snorted, shaking her head. “Three? Ben, that’s more sugar than I’ve ever seen you eat combined. You’re going to go into a sugar coma.”

“I imagine you’re eating at least half of it.”

Rey bit down on her bottom lip, leaning up to kiss Ben’s cheek. “You think you know me?”

“I know that I know you.”

“Oh yeah?” Rey raised an eyebrow. “Order for me then. Since you know me so well.”

“She’ll take a waffle cone with three scoops of…” Ben paused, taking one more look at all of the flavors. “Candy lovers delight.”

Rey pouted. He would pick the one she had been ready to order. 

“That’s not fair,” Rey argued as Ben paid for the ice cream. “You weren’t supposed to guess right.”

“I didn’t guess,” Ben told her, pulling out a chair at one of the small circle tables for Rey. “I just know you.”

Rey sat down, reaching into her bag, while Ben sat down across from her. She ran a finger across the journal that she had shoved in just before leaving her apartment. She had been debating when would be the best time to give it to him. 

She pulled the journal out, sliding it across the table.

"What's that?" Ben asked, picking the journal up with his free hand.

Rey squeezed his other hand. "You'll see."

Ben opened the journal, quickly reading through the pages. He smiled at Rey when he sat the journal back down, his mouth open wide as he chuckled. 

She had finished the scene weeks ago, but had been keeping it to herself. Arguing with Ben over the scene had been the highlight of many of her days stuck in her apartment. She didn't want to admit to him that he had convinced her relatively early into their talks.

The scene where Kira finally took Kylo’s hand. 

"It's perfect," Ben said, leaning forward to kiss her. "Absolutely perfect." 

[insanelycooljk]

IF UR STILL DOIN THESE can i ask about your roleswap au? oR the evan is a compulsive liar one, whichever! @bandtrees

send me the title of one of my deh wips and I’ll share an excerpt/tell you a bit about it  

(you can read my reply about the “maybe evan really IS a compulsive liar” one here)

Oh boy the roleswap au... honestly this is an idea I’ve had for a really long time that I kind of forgot about, but then Kayla’s jared dies! au inspired me to revisit it. In a suprise to absolutely no one lmao, there’s a whole lot of angst. Like, I’d kind of forgotten what the plot was, and when I went back and read over my notes for it the other day I made MYSELF cry. So uhhh, yeah, this one’s gonna hurt

The concept is very simple, and I’m sure has been done before, but basically Evan and Connor (and Jared and Zoe to an extent) swap roles. So Evan dies, and Connor writes a therapy letter which gets mistaken for Evan’s suicide note. On that, obviously trigger warning for suicide.

Alright so this wip still needs a lot of work because I’m still trying to narrow it down to a single cohesive plot and figure out how to keep it in character (for instance I just can’t see Connor forming the equivalent of The Connor Project and dragging out the lie to that extent) But, here’s what I’ve got at the moment!

The first day of school is almost identical to canon, so I won’t get into that, but Evan still had his attempt over the summer and hence has his broken arm. I mean yeah, maybe Evan’s dialogue is a little different because he’s struggling more with his depression, but I don’t see his second attempt as necessarily being planned. It’s more of an impromptu “finish what I started” decision he makes after having an awful first day back at school

The only real change from canon at this point is the letter. It’s a therapy assignment for Connor rather than Evan.

The scene where Evan prints his letter and Connor signs his cast is essentially the same as canon too, except obviously Connor is the one writing the letter. Evan is just in the library to print out some homework or something for school.

After they talk/Connor signs his cast, Evan goes over to the printer to grab his own thing, and sees the page underneath has “Dear Connor Murphy” written at the top. Evan assumes it’s Connor’s, so in an attempt to be nice, grabs it as well.

Aaaaand here’s where the angst really starts. Originally I was going to do a whole kleinphy thing by fully switching Zoe and Jared. But then I had an excellent (aka horrible) idea.

So Connor’s finished letter still follows the same format of Evan’s as [today was NOT an amazing day] [talking about Zoe/Jared] [sad shit].

Except here’s the thing. The morning was essentially the same as canon, which means Jared still made the awful school shooter joke. So sure, Connor mentions Jared in his letter, but he’s got nothing nice to say. As he’s venting about how today wasn’t an amazing day, he writes a few lines about how Jared is a fucking asshole and he can’t believe he ever thought that they could actually be friends.

... Yeah. I’m sure you can already guess how that is going to turn out :(

But the angst doesn’t stop there. Evan clearly isn’t going to see Jared’s name in Connor’s letter and freak out because he thinks Connor has a crush on him. That just... makes zero sense lmao. But you know what Evan might think when he sees Jared’s name? Especially after Jared was a dick to Evan at the start of the day?

That they’re making fun of him.

“D-did Jared put you up to this?”

“… What?”

“He… you’re making fun of me. Both of you.”

Connor can see Evan’s spiralling into some sort of panic attack, knows he probably shouldn’t push but he’s got no clue what the fuck Evan is talking about.

“What the fuck are you talking about?”

“That’s why you came to apologise and-, and why you signed my cast, you two are making fun of me.”

“What? I wasn’t-“

Evan’s not even listening, he just keeps talking like he can’t hear Connor at all.

“I can’t believe I thought you were being nice to me.” He chokes out a bitter laugh that sounds more like sob. “But no, it’s just one of Jared’s stupid jokes.”

Connor’s speechless. Has no clue what to say because this just makes no fucking sense at all.

Evan’s full-on hyperventilating now, taking these huge shuddering breaths. Connor’s kind of worried Evan might pass out on him if he doesn’t do something

“Evan hey, just breathe.”

“I’m sorry,” he gasps, finally making eye contact. “I-I have to, have to go.”

And then Evan runs out of the room because he’s definitely having a panic attack and he needs to get away.

Connor is just kind of standing there staring at the door, trying to figure out what the fuck just happened. Feels like shit because he was actually enjoying talking to Evan, but no somehow he managed to ruin it. 

It takes Connor a minute before he realises Evan still has his letter. He calls out after Evan but he’s long gone.

Then we switch to Heidi’s POV. She gets a phone call while at work from Evan’s therapist’s office saying he never showed up to his appointment after school.

Heidi never forgives herself for this after the fact, but her first reaction is to feel kind of annoyed. She knew Evan didn’t want to go to his session today when she booked it, but she was just trying to do the right thing because she knows Evan always struggles starting back at school. Plus therapy costs money, they don’t exactly give you a refund/cancellation fee for not showing up, and they just can’t afford to be paying for therapy sessions Evan isn’t even attending right now.

She is a little concerned though. It’s not the first time Evan’s skipped an appointment, but he usually only does it if he’s had a particularly bad panic attack that day. But she isn’t worried enough to leave work early, which kills her later. Heidi wonders if she had of gone straight home if she could’ve been there quick enough.

I don’t want to go into this in too much detail, but I’m thinking Evan ODs. The tree thing didn’t work out last time so he figures he better try something else. He feels bad that this definitely couldn’t be interpretted as an accident like his fall was, but he just... doesn’t care anymore.

And god, Heidi finds him when she gets home from work, and somehow her being a nurse makes it so much worse because she knows it’s too late. Of course she still tries everything she can, and she kind of dissociates into work mode so she can put some of her panic aside, but she knows.

But... I don’t really want to write that because it’s too sad even for me lol. So the scene will probably just end with Heidi coming home and getting a bad feeling when she calls out to Evan and he doesn’t reply. It’s not the most out of character thing, because Heidi’s assuming he must have had a really bad panic attack since he ditched therapy, so he’s probably exhausted and having a sleep. But when she goes to Evan’s room to check on him her heart stops.

The next couple of days Connor mirrors Evan in canon. He’s getting antsy that Evan stole his letter and now hasn’t been at school.

I haven’t quite worked out what Zoe’s role will be yet, so I’m not sure if she’ll act as Connor’s sole confidant (like Jared is for Evan) or not. It’d make sense since Jared is kind of taking Zoe’s place, but I just don’t think it will work given the current state of her and Connor’s relationship. Either way, whether he told Zoe or not, Connor is getting really paranoid about Evan/the letter.

It’s been 3 days now since Evan took his letter and he’s still not at school.

Jared’s been away too, but he’s back today and is acting really fucking weird. He’s wearing like... a plain hoodie or something which is very unlike Jared, and he just looks really exhausted and has none of his usual arrogance. Plus he keeps staring at Connor and giving him these weird looks.

Connor’s so stressed about this stupid letter that he’s contemplating asking Jared where the hell Evan is, but he’s seriously freaking Connor out right now.

Before Connor has a chance to make up his mind about whether he should try to talk to Jared, he gets called to the principal’s office. And so the lie begins lmao.

But god... the amount of extra angst of NOT going the kleinphy route and instead having Connor write bad things about Jared in the letter is just... pure evil genius if I do say so myself

Like, imagine Jared’s parents going to see Heidi and do whatever they can to be there for her and make sure she’s ok, and Jared kind of numbly getting ready to go with them, only for his parents to explain that Heidi doesn’t exactly want to see him right now because of what Evan wrote in his note... ouch.

And god that just makes Jared sick to his stomach because what the hell did Evan say about him? And once he gets to actually read the “note” himself he really is sick.

And since his family is obviously very close with Heidi it really puts a strain on Jared’s relationship with his parents too, because they’re clearly extremely disappointed in him for doing whatever it was that made Evan write THAT

Just the whole Kleinman/Hansen dynamic would be so complicated. (but it will be fun to write!)

And oh boy... remember the amount of horrific hate Zoe recieved when Alana posted Evan’s letter online? Connor’s letter outright says something along of the lines of Jared is a fucking asshole/why did I ever think we could possibly be friends/etc. I haven’t worked out the exact wording yet because getting the letter right is just... so critical to the fic lol, but yeah if it gets posted online? yikes.

So anyway, that’s the roleswap au. I’m still working out the more specific plot details of this one, but I think it’s got some alright potential. There’s going to be a lot of tension between Jared and Connor as Jared struggles to decide whether or not he believes Connor, and as Connor finds it increasingly difficult to lie to Jared. Hmm you know on second thought maybe a kleinphy subplot doesn’t sound so bad 🤔 but just more of a slowburn angle which doesn’t start until after Evan dies... much to think about hahaha

I like to think Jared works out the truth on his own eventually, which leads to a gfy-esque fight. And whilst Zoe might take on Jared’s role in a way, Alana will be pretty much the same as she is in canon. Because for her it was always more about the message of the project than the actual person.

[goldenmessenger]

TS Actor AU: Reach Out Your Hand Pt 1

Summary: Before recovery can come, you have to admit you have a problem first. In 2019, Roman’s been clean for about 6 years. In 2011, however? Clean is a long way away. He’s alone. Isolated. No-one to turn to. Except he might have one person. But Roman’s ignored him for the last 4 years. But then the voicemail comes.

Read on Ao3 here.

A/N: Hey everyone! So, I’m currently working on a multi-chapter fic set after the last two fics. But that’s probably going to take me a while. So in the meantime, have this fic that’s set 8 years before the others. This is some backstory on Roman, Remus, and Dillon, and how Roman got on the first steps to recovery. Also, I meant for this to be a one-shot, but it’s going to be a two-parter. It’s too long to post all at once. I apologize in advance for this, it’s really intense and a lot of whump and angst. I promise part 2 will make up for everything, and that’ll be up tomorrow.

As usual, let me know if you want to be added to the taglist! And once again, I apologize.

Content Warnings: Drunken texts, drug abuse, drug overdose, mild violence (vague mention), self-deprecating thoughts and language, whump, angst

****************************

Thursday, March 20, 2008

Sent at 11:24pm

Text from (xxx) xxx-xxxx:

happhy B-day roe

its me Rekus

Remus

i gootta new phonee 

im sorry

iwas the worts 

woest

worsr 

Cant typw

To drukn 

Miss u tho

First b-day wit out u

Do u mis me to?

See u on th news

Got that moie 

Movie deal u wanted

Hop ur doin wel 

That ur happy

M not

Mis u

Love u

****************************

Friday, March 20, 2009

Sent at 2:00 pm

Text from (xxx) xxx-xxxx:

Hey Ro, happy birthday,

it’s me again. 

I wanna apologize for the mess that I sent last year. Thought you’d like to know I’m in a much better place now.

I’m in college in San Francisco, probably gonna live there after.

Gotta boyfriend, just like you always said you would if we didn’t have to deal with everyone’s expectations.

Went to therapy, boyfriend’s idea

Though he was just a best friend then

It’s been really helpful. 

I was so awful to you. 

I honestly wouldn’t blame you if you never wanted to see me again

You don’t have to forgive me, I just want a chance to talk

If you want to meet up

Just let me know

****************************

Saturday, March 20, 2010

 Sent at 10:00 am

Text from (xxx) xxx-xxxx: 

Hey Ro

Happy birthday again. 

At this point, I know you probably won’t reply

This probably isn’t even your number anymore. 

I don’t know why I keep texting you though

Closure, perhaps?

An inability to let go?

Whatever it is, it’s kinda sad

I can’t stop though

If by any chance you are reading this, please respond

I don’t care if it’s to say you hate me, or never want to talk to me again, please

I need you

I need my brother

****************************

Sunday, March 20, 2011

Sent at 10:00 am

Text from (xxx) xxx-xxxx: 

Happy birthday Ro!

This will probably be the last time I text you. 

My boyfriend, Dillon, pointed out that if you were going to reply, you would’ve already

I need to move on

I need to heal 

I still love you though 

You’ll always be my brother

****************************

Tuesday, March 22, 2011

Sent at 11:00 am

Text from (xxx) xxx-xxxx: 

Ro

Ro, what the hell?

I know I said that I wouldn’t text again 

But I just saw the news

You punched someone?

What on earth

I’d honestly be kinda proud of you if I wasn’t worried

Are you doing ok? 

That’s not like you. 

I was always the violent one. 

I know what I said before, but if you need anyone to talk to, I’m here. 

I won’t be waiting for you anymore, but I’ll still be here for you, if you need me.

All you need to do is reach out.

****************************

Sunday, August 15, 2011

Missed Call at 1:00 am

Voicemail from (xxx) xxx-xxxx: 

 “Ro—Roman! Please, please tell me you’re there, that you’re alright—

I just heard, apparently you’ve been missing for two weeks? Two whole weeks, and I didn’t know—

Please call me back, or text if that works better! Please, no one knows where you are, if you’re ok, nothing!

I — I can’t lose you Roman.

I mean, maybe I did already, maybe I did a long time ago—

But that was different. At least you were alive. You were happy. At least, I thought you were happy. I’m not so sure about that anymore. 

But if by some miracle, some crazy insane miracle you still have this number, if you’re ok, please please let me know. 

I love you so much Ro. 

I don’t think I ever said it enough, but I do. So, so much. 

I hope wherever you are, you’re ok.”

****************************

The dark hotel room was illuminated only by the screen of his phone. He stared at it with glassy eyes, unseeing, as the message finished playing. Roman was leaning against the bed, sitting on the floor. His phone was gleaming on the ground next to him. 

Roman had read Remus’s texts as they came, of course, but he hadn’t thought they were sincere. That they were real. Nothing else in his life was, not even his own parents. So why should his own twin be an exception? But he didn’t delete the texts or block the number. He let the messages keep coming. And he didn’t know why. 

Maybe because part of him had wanted to hope. Why else would he be where he was now? Why else would he have used the most of the little money he had left to get himself here? Here in a dingy little motel on the edge of San Francisco. He hadn’t told anyone where he was going, not that anyone cared. Maybe Remy might’ve. Remy, who Roman realized now might’ve been his only real friend. At least, he could’ve been, if Roman hadn’t pushed him away when Remy had attempted to convince Roman he had a problem. Pushed him away just like Roman had done to everything else good in his life. 

That’s why he hadn’t contacted Remus yet. Why he’d sat here in this room with it’s flea-ridden bed and peeling wallpaper for almost two weeks now, only leaving to buy food from the nearby convenience store. Remus’s texts had seemed like he was doing well. Roman had looked at his Facebook too. Remus was in college, was living with his boyfriend, a job working as a tech at a local theater. He seemed happy. Roman couldn’t bring himself to ruin that like he ruined everything else. 

But that voicemail—he hadn’t ever heard Remus sound so frightened before. So worried. And about Roman, of all people. Why? Why on earth? Sure, they’d been close as kids, but they hadn’t even been in the same room for years. And Roman had ignored all of Remus’s attempts to make contact since. He couldn’t understand it. It made his head hurt. He was feeling bitterly jittery, and not very glittery. 

That was a weird sentence. When did his thoughts stop making sense? He needed his pills, needed them. He couldn’t deal with all of these thoughts and emotions. He needed them to go away. He needed them to stop. He fumbled on all fours for the bottle, and finally found it, open and empty. That wasn’t right, it’d been full only...only...he couldn’t remember. A wave of dizziness hit him, and he pitched forward, face planting into the ground. 

Something wasn’t right. Why was his brain so fuzzy. Everything hurt so much, he couldn’t think. He needed help. He needed Remus. He somehow managed to find his phone, and hit the contact simply labeled “R.”

The phone rang. And rang. Finally, it was picked up. And a familiar voice spoke.

****************************

Remus ran his hand through his sleeping boyfriend’s hair. It was a calming motion that somewhat helped to calm his racing mind. But not by much. Dillon had attempted to convince Remus to rest, but Remus couldn’t sleep. Not when Roman was missing. He’d gotten the news around midnight, from a former friend of Roman’s, Remy. 

Remy had been the one to tell Remus that Roman had been struggling with a drug addiction, though Remy didn’t know how long. He’d tried to get Roman some help as soon as he found out, but the other man had rejected it and broke off their friendship. Remy had gone to Roman’s apartment that morning to attempt to repair their relationship, with the hope that he could eventually convince Roman to get some help. But he was nowhere to be found. The door was unlocked, and there was two weeks worth of mail on the floor. He’d found Remus’s number on accident, on a post-it on Roman’s fridge, labeled “Bro.” That’s when he’d called Remus and, upon finding out he was Roman’s brother, told him everything.

Remus didn’t quite understand why Roman had his number saved like that, but the more pressing concern was finding Roman. Remus attempted to call Roman several times, each one going straight to voicemail.

He didn’t blame Dillon for falling asleep though. Remus would if he could. He couldn’t though. The hand that wasn’t running through Dillon’s hair had a death grip on his phone. He couldn’t stop staring at it, praying to anyone who would listen that it would ring.

He didn’t know what he expected though. Roman had never responded to him in the past, so why would now be any diff— 

“I’m a Barbie Girl, in a Barbie wooorld

Life in plastic, it’s fantastic...”

Remus startled as his phone’s ringtone filled the room. Next to him, Dillon shifted and blinked tiredly at him. 

“Why on earth do you still have that obnoxious song as your ringtone?” Dillon questioned, a little grumpy at being woken so unceremoniously. 

“You can brush my hair, undress me everywheere

Imagination, life is your creation...”

Remus could barely hear him. He could barely hear his own ringtone. All he could do was stare at the name that lit up the screen.

Lil bRO(man)

“Come on, Barbie, let's go party!”

Dillon looked up at Remus, the sleep slowly fading from his gaze as his brain slowly began to catch up.

“Re, what’s wrong?”

“I’m a Barbie Girl, in a Barbie wooorld

Life in plastic, it’s fantastic...”

The chorus of the song began to repeat, and Remus knew he was running out of time. This was something he’d wanted for years, and now, it was happening right in front of him. But he was frozen. For some reason, he couldn’t answer the phone.

“You can brush my hair, undress me everywheere…”

When Remus didn’t respond, Dillon sat up, and saw the phone lying limp in his boyfriend’s grasp.

“Imagination, life is you—”

Quick as a lightning bolt, Dillon grabbed the phone and hit ANSWER before it could go to voicemail. Almost as quick, he hit the speaker button.

There was a long moment of silence. Too long. Finally, Remus’s voice returned.

“Ro, is that you?” He asked, hopefully. “Are you ok, are you hurt, where—”

“Re. I— I didn’t acshully think you’d anshwer.”

Roman’s familiar voice leaked through the speakers like water through a broken dam. Despite Remus’s relief, however, he immediately recognized something was wrong. One look at Dillon’s face told Remus that he’d heard it too. The way Roman’s words slurred themselves together. Remus took a deep breath. He knew how to handle this. He just needed to stay calm.

“Of course I would.” Remus said sincerely. “Ro, why don’t you tell me where you are? Maybe I can come to you and we can have this conversation in person?”

However, Roman didn’t seem to hear Remus’s question.

“I meshed up Re, meshed up big time, I ran ‘way from evything ‘cause I shcrewed up, an’ now I’m losht an’ allone an’ I jus’ wanted to hear your voishe one lasht time…”

Remus felt his heart seize in panic at those words. He grabbed the phone out of Dillon’s hands as the man looked on worriedly. Remus clutched that phone like it was his lifeline. No, Roman’s lifeline.

“Roman, wait, what do you mean, one last time? Where are you, what’s going on?”

“Ate too many of th’ pret-ty white circles, and now I can’ shtand up right and m’ brain won’ work.”

Roman’s voice grew thick, and it began to sound like he was crying.

“M sorry Re, ‘m an awful brother. I can’ do anything righ’ an’ I was too much of a cow-ward to tell you I was here.”

Remus’s eyes widened in shock as his brain processed the information. White circles, didn’t a lot of pills take that form? Including addictive ones. And Roman was here? San Francisco?

He looked over to Dillon to find that his boyfriend had his own phone out, and was callling someone. Dillon caught his gaze, and mouthed 911. Keep him talking. Remus took a deep breath. He needed to keep it together. For Roman’s sake. 

“Roman, you’re going to be fine, just tell me where you are, and I’ll be right there. You said that you’re here? Where is here?”

“Th’ golden ci-ty, home of Saint Franny. Wan-ed to talk to you, couldn’ get up th’ nerve. ‘M in this shtupid lil hot-tel, it schucks. Bayshide Mot-tel, I think. Rom 320. Picked it cause it wash our birth-dayte.”

Remus quickly glanced over to Dillon urgently, and his boyfriend began relaying Roman’s location to the paramedics. 

“Ro, we’ll be right there, just hold on, ok? We’re on our way.” 

No response.

“Roman, Roman!”

Silence echoed from the other end of the line. 

“No, nononononono no! Roman, please!”

In a dark dingy motel room several miles away, the only sound was a brother’s anguished cries, and the only light was that of a cracked phone screen next to a limp hand.

****************************

AN: Again, I’m really sorry about this cliffhanger, and I will fix it tomorrow.

****************************

TAGLIST:

@ironwoman359

@galacticguppy

@trashpanda-remus 

@atticusfinchthelegend

@ravenclawunicorn1

@voidvirgil

@dogwithpants

@dreaming-about-kittens

[sinfulwonders]

👀 ~

Alrighty here’s another fic. This one is actually practically done, even though I thought it was a lot less finished. I may polish it up and post it on Ao3 soon, but here it is for now.

Sick

When Shuichi Saihara received a text from Kokichi Ouma one early Saturday morning, he suspected that his plans were ruined for the day…very possibly the entire weekend. As he opened the message, his suspicions were quickly confirmed.

I’m sick! Will you be my nurse? Bring soup…and grape panta.

Shuichi sighed, letting the warmth from his dorm room bed engulf him for just a moment longer before slowly rising to his feet. They both knew that he would say yes. Although Shuichi acted annoyed with Kokichi’s many crazy antics and schemes, it was fairly obvious that Shuichi had a soft spot for the supreme leader. A soft spot that the supreme leader was thrilled to exploit.

Fine. Be there in ten.

 -------

“Shumai! You came to say your goodbyes!”

Shuichi sighed as he entered the room, carrying a single shopping bag, as his eyes fell on the purple eyed menace. The exceedingly pale boy was smiling and waving enthusiastically, like the ghost of some excited child.

“Goodbyes?”

Kokichi nodded seriously, “Yep. Before my deadly illness takes me inevitably. The doctors said I only have hours to live!”

Shuichi groaned, “Are you even sick, Kokichi?” He wouldn’t be surprised if the supreme leader had dragged the detective down just because he wanted a fizzy beverage.

What a waste of time.

Kokichi beamed, “You got me. It was a lie! Supreme leaders don’t get sic-ACK-” Kokichi’s face fell as his speech devolved into a coughing fit, causing Shuichi to immediately kneel at his bedside.

The detective placed a worried hand on the boy’s pallid forehead, “Jeez, Kokichi. You’re buring up. Maybe you should go see Mikan…”

Kokichi whined, “Nooooo. I want Shumai to take care of meeee.”

“Why? My talent isn’t even medical related…”

With that, the supreme leader burst into a fit of almost certainly fake tears, “WAAAH! Shuichi doesn’t like me enough to even take care of me while I’m sick and dying!”

This elicited an eye roll from the detective, as he’d seen this trick so many times before, “Kokichi, you know it’s not that. I just don’t know if I’ll do a good job.”

Kokichi’s tears were suddenly dry, like they never existed at all, as he glanced blankly at the boy, “A good job?”

Shuichi nodded, “Yeah... If you’re really sick, I definitely don’t want you to get worse because of me.”

The detective was taken aback by a spiteful sound.

Kokichi hoarsely cackled at the boy, a malicious grin lining his face, “That’s the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard! For a detective you really are dumb!” Shuichi frowned as the boy continued, his voice losing its edge slightly, “Shumai is great at taking care of people. That’s why I requested you, over allllll of my other minions! I only allow the best.”

Well that was unexpectedly sweet…

Trying to hide his elated surprise at the praise, Shuichi let out an exasperated sigh, “…Fine.”

The supreme leader squealed and pulled the detective into a quick hug.

“K-Kokichi! You’re g-gonna get me sick…” Shuichi stammered.

“Neeheehee! Perfect, then you’ll have to let me take care of you! Then it’ll just be an endless cycle…one of us sick and one of us well, forever and ever!” Kokichi smiled sweetly as he spoke, but those sweet smiles always were a little off. In this case, there was a mischievous twinkle in his violet eyes. The same eyes that observed Shuichi’s every reaction with a calculating coolness that both fascinated and terrified the detective.

“Kokichi, that honestly sounds horrible.”

The detective noticed that Kokichi’s lip quivered a little, but in a flash it was gone, as it seemed that he decided to go a different emotional direction with his lie.

The boy instead examined his fingernails, looking incredibly bored, “Well I think it sounds romantic. You’d be with each other, taking care of each other, forever…”

Hmm, well that’s an interesting point of view.

Kokichi never ceased to amaze the detective. Once he thought he had a pretty good grasp on how he thought Kokichi would react to something the supreme leader switched it up, flipping the situation on its head. It’s why the detective was absorbed with thoughts of figuring out the enigma that was Kokichi Ouma.

Kokichi snickered, “Of course that could be a lie…Maybe I just want you to be my cute little nurse!”

Shuichi sighed, rolling his eyes at the last comment, “I don’t want you to call me your ‘nurse’, Kokichi. I feel like you’re taking it to a weird place.”

Kokichi smiled devilishly.

Shuichi continued, giving the boy a stern look, “Look, if you want me to take care of you, that’s fine, I’ll take care of you. But I am not gonna let you make this weird, and I am going to try to do a decent job. So rest. I have some over the counter medicine in my bag, so I’ll give you something that should help with the fever. Lay down and I’ll grab you a glass of water.”

Kokichi’s eyes widened, “Wow, you’re so good at this! And so brave, to give a supreme leader commands,” his face darkened, “You may end up regretting it…”

Shuichi ignored Kokichi’s attempt to agitate him and instead pressed a lanky finger on the supreme leader’s forehead, and gently pushed him back to the pillow, “Lay. Down. You’re going to regret if you overdo it just to taunt me.”

Kokichi stayed quiet, his expression now blank, and watched as Shuichi turned to fill a cup with water from the bathroom sink. At least he stayed quiet until a large sneeze erupted from him.

Shuichi quickly returned with water and a couple pills.

Kokichi spoke after releasing a couple hoarse coughs, “Sure hope you aren’t trying to poison me…actually that’s a lie. Put me out of my misery, detective!”

“Shh. I’m not trying to poison you,” Shuichi dropped the pills into the supreme leader’s hand and then watched as he swallowed them, quickly washing them down with water.

Shuichi then handed Kokichi a tissue for his nose, and as the boy wiped his sick face, made his way to the bathroom one more, quietly returning with a damp washcloth.

He placed it gently on the boy’s head, careful to move a few strands of purple tipped hair out of the way first.

“Sleep,” he smiled gently at the boy and then sat down in the supreme leader’s desk chair. He rummaged through the shopping bag and pulled out a small book, beginning to read. The boys sat in silence for a while, with Shuichi glancing up to check on Kokichi every few minutes to make sure he was at least attempting to sleep. He began ignoring the book more and more, eventually just staring at the supreme leader in cautious wonder. That is, until he caught Shuichi staring.

Kokichi gave the boy a mischievous smirk, “Wow you’re super doting Shumai. You are definitely my most eager slave yet!”

Shuichi brushed him off and lazily retorted, “Whatever Kokichi. Anyway I’m definitely not your slave, I’m your nurse-”

As soon as the word accidently slipped out, Shuichi blushed deeply. His heart fluttered in a way that he was not expecting at the thought of being Kokichi’s personal nurse for the day.

What? Don’t think that!

“Hahahaha, man that was easier than I thought-ACHOO!”

Shuichi’s blush faded as he grabbed the box of tissues, and rushed to hand a few to Kokichi.

“-Thanks.”

Shuichi looked down at Kokichi, who was an unusually small boy anyway, but he was surprised how weak he looked. His frail form was shaking slightly, and beads of sweat lined the boy’s head.

“Kokichi, you’re really sick. You need to stop talking and sleep.”

COUGH COUGH COUGH

“Aww you’re no fun Shumai…” Kokichi shot him a weak smile.

Shuichi stood to return to his chair when he felt small fingers wrap around his own. He felt blood rush to his face.

“Will you just talk to me? Read me something until I fall asleep?” Kokichi’s wide eyes were devoid of mischief, just filled with innocence.

Shuichi picked up his book that he had just started, and flipped back to the beginning, gently sitting on the bed next to Kokichi as he did so. He opened his mouth and began to quietly read the words aloud. Before Shuichi had finished reading the first chapter Kokichi had fallen asleep, quietly snoring next to the detective. Shuichi let out a satisfied sigh.

Finally.

He turned to look at the sick boy, noticing how strangely angelic and innocent he looked while he slept. It was strange to Shuichi how absolutely beautiful Kokichi was when he wasn’t trying to make the most grotesque faces humanly possible.

Wait, beautiful? Don’t think that Shuichi!

But it was true, and Shuichi could no longer deny it. Kokichi Ouma was beautiful.

Although no one has any right to be this beautiful while they’re sleeping and sick. It’s just not fair.

“Nngh,” Ouma let out a soft groan as he shifted, his tiny arms wrapping around Shuichi’s waist.

Shit.

Kokichi had an unreasonable amount of strength for a sick person, at least in Shuichi’s eyes, because quickly the detective was helplessly tugged into bed with the supreme leader. Kokichi snuggled into him like he was holding a childhood stuffed animal, and other than the underlying dread that Shuichi felt at the fact that he was almost certainly going to get sick, the detective couldn’t help but melt into the warmth of Kokichi’s arms.

“Shumai…” Kokichi mumbled in his sleep.

Shuichi brushed the hair gently away from Kokichi’s sweaty forward, “Don’t worry. I’m here.”

------

 “Nghhh,” Shuichi groaned as he laid in his bed, wet washcloth resting on his forehead. It seems he had caught the supreme leader’s ‘deadly illness’ after all.

“Don’t worry Shumai! Nurse Kokichi is here to save the day!” Kokichi practically squealed as he plopped on the bed next to Shuichi.

It seems Kokichi had taken what he said about being Shuichi’s personal nurse very seriously. When Shuichi had called out sick from school, Kokichi had taken it upon himself to gather supplies and break into his dorm room wearing a full on nurse outfit.

[thepureblooded]

A/N: I haven’t posted anything in a month but I really wanted to finish this akafuri fic. I wrote dialogue first which is not my usual writing method but eh, it was fun.

Summery: Uncrowned Kings try figure out who Akashi is dating, with great speculations and misplaced indignation. Akashi is confused by his starters but is mostly focused on his phone. Mayuzumi is there for the voice of reason that everyone ignores.

Full version here, which contains a bonus scene.

OoO

Reo watched Akashi walk out of the locker room, her eyes narrowing at the almost bounce in his step. “Have any of you noticed Sei-chan has been acting weird?"

Nebuya gave her a dubious look. “You know this is the same person who did offer to gouge out his eyeballs and give them to us if we lost a game, right?”

“But he’s a lot less insane now since we lost the Winter Cup!” Hayama was quick to defend, head pocking out of his t-shirt. “We’re allowed to check our cell phones during breaks now!”

Reo nodded. “And last week he lessened our training regimen when I asked him to.”

“Yesterday he helped me study for the science test,” Nebuya added.

“And that’s exactly my point.” Reo snapped her fingers. “He’s been calmer since the Winter Cup, true, but these past three weeks he’s been nice.”

This gave them all a pause.

“Didn’t just last month he confiscated a third year’s phone, saying he would drop it from the school roof if he saw it again?” asked Hayama, remembering that terrifying incident. The poor boy looked like he was going to cry.

Reo looked over at Nebuya. “How was your tutoring session?”

“It was pleasant and helpful,” Nebuya said, in growing horror. “He even brought snacks.”

They all began to panic.

“Is he sick? What if he’s dying?” Hayama frantically asked.

“Do you think the pressure of being captain at such a young age has finally broken him?” wondered Reo.

“Maybe aliens have laid eggs in his brains and are messing with his head.”

Nebuya joined in the conspiracy. “What if he's been replaced by an alien?”

“I mean; I’ve been telling you guys from the beginning that Akashi isn’t human,” Hayama said, exasperated. “His eye changes colour.”

“Trick of the light, I’m telling you,” Reo dismissed.

“They glow during game time!”

“Adrenaline.”

“Maybe he’s dating someone?” Mayuzumi threw in, wondering why he was joining their, frankly, ridiculous conversation. He was going to put it down to vague curiosity.

“What?” This suggestion threw the Uncrowned Kings.

“You said he lifted the banned on phones, right?” Reo nodded when Mayuzumi looked at her in confirmation. “He did so he could check his. Simple.”

“The lessen training time?” Hayama hesitantly asked.

“To spend more time with his partner.”

“Being nice while tutoring me?”

Mayuzumi shrugged. “Good sex?”

There was an awkward pause as the idea of their captain have sex became a possibility.

Reo grimaced and quickly asked the main question, “But who would Sei-chan date?”

“And more importantly,” Hayama added. “Who would date Akashi?”

“Do you think he would make a good boyfriend?” Mayuzumi asked, honestly just to see what the Uncrown Kings reactions would be. Nebuya face was still frozen in discomfort from his earlier comment and it was pretty amusing.

Reo hesitated. “I… don’t know. I can’t imagine Sei-chan liking someone to that degree.”

Hayama nodded. “It would have to be someone special. Someone from Rakuzan?”

“Can’t be, or we would know.”

“So someone from another school. A cute manager? Maybe it’s the one that was also with the Generation of Miracles!” Hayama excitedly said, looking like he cracked the code.

Reo shook her head. “She’s in love with Kuroko, remember?”

Hayama waved his hand dismissively. “Aren’t all the Miracles in love with Kuroko?”

Reo froze, staring widely at Hayama. “You don’t think…?”

“But isn’t he with Kagami?” Hayama asked in alarm, catching onto what Reo was implying.

“But Akashi could still…” Reo made a vague hand movement that somehow explained everything she refused to say.

“It could be another basketball player that isn’t Kuroko?” Nebuya hesitantly offered, seemingly coming back from the dark place he went off to. Mayuzumi honestly wasn’t surprised by their easy acceptance of Akashi possibly dating a boy, but it was pleasantly nice to confirm it.

“I guess,” Reo dubiously agreed. “But who?”

“Oh!” Hayama exclaimed suddenly. “We can steal his phone and see!”

“Or we could ask him?” offered Mayuzumi, the only sensible person in this conversation.

He was ignored.

OoO

Getting Akashi’s phone proved to be a bit more difficult than just grabbing it while he was busy.

“Because Akashi sees everything,” Hayama hissed, sending quick looks at Akashi who was, coincidentally, on his phone.

Reo rolled her eyes. “My God, you make him sound like a super-villain.” And wasn’t that a terrifying thought, because there was no doubt that Akashi would make a very successful villain. He already has the tragic backstory for one.

Hayama, in a panic way to create a distraction, challenged Akashi to a one-on-one. The match itself was like watching a car accident, nothing was going to turn out well but you couldn’t look away. It was short and brutal. The phone was forgotten in favour of watching the carnage.

The closest they came was when Akashi was taking a shower. They managed to locate the phone in his bag, after way too long rummaging. However, it was password protected, which was a low move on Akashi’s half. It made snooping very hard.

Hayama peered over Reo’s shoulder at the phone. “Try 1234.”

Reo scoffed. “That’s dumb. Maybe his birthday?”

“Do aliens even have birthdays?”

“For the last time, he’s not an alien.”

“Felt that way facing off him.” Hayama leaned back, pouting.

Before they could even attempt to break the code, Nebuya waved his hands frantically from his lookout position as they heard the shower go off. Luckily for them, a message came through the same time, appearing on the front screen. In their panic, they could only see the letter “K” in the contact name before the phone was shoved haphazardly back into the bag.

Akashi walked in and gave his starters weird looks. That was probably because their idea of acting natural was to pose like they were on the front cover of a style magazine. Reo was lounging on a bench as if to seduce a lover. Akashi was rightfully suspicious and not seduced at all.

OoO

“I’m telling you that it’s Kuroko,” Reo hissed, walking down the street while still doing her tie.

They left the changing rooms as soon as they could. Reo and Hayama are buzzing from their new-found knowledge, while Nebuya less excited but still curious. Mayuzumi was there because this was his way home and it seemed more effort to try and ditch the three idiots than to walk behind them.

Hayama was still doubtful on their leading suspect. “I don’t think Kuroko is one to cheat on his boyfriend.”

“But it’s Sei-chan,” Reo shot back. “Who wouldn’t cheat on their lover for Sei-chan?”

“People who actually value their lives?” Hayama’s voice went up a few notches because no one could be that suicidal, could they? He quickly added, “Also, I don’t think Akashi would take it too kindly to being a side chick. He would want to be the main hoe.”

Nebuya groaned. “Can we please stop putting our captain in sexual scenarios?”

Reo ignored Nebuya. “Does this make Sei-chan a homewrecker?”

Hayama eyes went wide, as he never thought of his captain like that. “He really is a villain!”

“We have to stop him!” Reo slammed her fist in her hand in righteous declaration.

“Yeah!” Hayama said with the same enthusiasm, fist in the air.

“But how?” Nebuya asked, confused but determined to help his captain in any way.

“By confronting him of his bad ways!” Reo exclaimed, a steely glint in her eyes.

“And help him find a better, healthy relationship!” Hayama was now visibly vibrating.

“He’s obviously trapped in some situation and he needs to be broken free!”

“Shown the error of his way and lead down a path of redemption!”

“God help us all,” Mayuzumi deadpanned from the back.

OoO

“Sei-chan!” yelled Reo, storming towards him. She wasted no time and decided to confront him the next day before morning practice. Nebuya and Hayama approached at a slower pace but both looking just as unwavering. Akashi raised one eyebrow at them.

“You must stop your harmful ways right now!”

“What-”

Hayama jumped in before Akashi could complete his baffled question. “We know about your little secret relationship.”

Nebuya nodded coldly.

Akashi’s eyes lit up in recognition. “Oh, you know about-”

“And honestly, I’m appalled” Reo was so wound up that she even went as far as to stab Akashi in the chest. Hayama and Nebuya quickly lost their resolve in favour of staring at Reo in horror. No one dared to get close to Akashi, not for a friendly slap or high-five, and especially not to poke him in disapproval.

Akashi looked down at the offending finger before fixing Reo with a look that sent goosebumps down Hayama’s arms. “Excuse me.”

Nebuya visibly flinched at Akashi’s tone. “Uh oh.”

“Maybe we should stop.” Hayama was bouncing from foot to foot in nervous energy, literally feeling the air get colder as Akashi glared at Reo.

Reo clearly had a death wish, for she pushed on regardless. “To be involved with someone like that is honestly a disgrace. I thought you had better taste, or at the very least better tact.”

“Really.”

“Is his eye glowing?” Nebuya whispered to Hayama in fear.

“Told you,” Hayama hissed back.

Both of them took a few cautious steps back, leaving Reo to her suicidal mission.

Let it be said, if Reo felt passionate about something, nothing stood in her way. “We are all aware how emotionally stunted you are, but that does that excuse you’re behaviour. To go ahead with the relationship, where the long distance is most likely already a strain but to also be with someone who would stoop so low as to agree with it as well, is ludicrous. Sei-chan, you can do a lot better than him. You don’t need to settle for a vile bastard like him.”

“You do not get to speak about Kouki like this,” Akashi spat, looking ten seconds from murdering Reo.

Reo jaw dropped in disbelief. “You’re dating another person? Sei-chan, you’re no better than Kuroko!”

“What does Kuroko have to do with any of this?!”

Reo frowned at the frustrated confusion on Akashi’s face, finger dropping. “What do you mean?”

“For God’s sake,” Mayuzumi muttered, having entered the court around the middle of Reo’s rant and was fully done with the Uncrowned Kings’ shenanigans. “Are you dating Kuroko or not?”

“Of course not,” Akashi grounded out through clenched teeth.

Reo squinted at Akashi. “Then who are you dating?”

“Furihata Kouki.”

The Uncrowned Kings blinked in baffled union. “… Who?”

“Serin’s point guard.”

“I never thought Akashi would be into older men,” said Hayama.

“Not that one,” Akashi said with very little patience. Mayuzumi was honestly amazed that he had any. “The other one.”

Hayama blinked in surprise. “They had another point guard?”

“Oh,” Reo exclaimed. “They had the first year, right?”

Nebuya frowned. “The really scared one? But Akashi, why would you date someone so weak and-”

Hayama was very quick to jab Nebuya sharply in his sides as the murderous look came creeping back onto Akashi’s face.

“And very lovely,” Hayama rushed to continue, loudly over Nebuya’s pained wheezing. “And kind, and great in bed-”

Reo smartly stepped back onto Hayama’s foot before he did any further damage, a bright smile on her face as she smoothly finished, “And we’re really happy for you Sei-chan. We should meet him sometime.”

Akashi narrowed his eyes at the suggestion. “Over your dead body.”

“Isn’t the dead body supposed to be yours?” Hayama asked absently, more worried about his foot then what he was saying. That is until he looked up and saw Akashi’s irritated expression and hastily corrected himself, “Right, never mind, over mine.”

A/N: And that's basically it done. If anyone has some helpful criticism, it would be much appreciated. I don’t know if I should have a bonus meeting where they actually see Furi but I’m not too sure what to write for that. Suggestions?

[tisfan]

Say It Again

Square: B3 - Deaf Creators: @tisfan & @27dragons Title: Say it Again Warning: None Rating: Teen Characters: Bucky, Tony, Clint, FRIDAY Tags: temporary deafness, tech doesn’t solve everything, caretaker Tony, dyslexia, ableist language and self-hatred Summary: Bucky loses the ability to hear… and learns something new about himself... Warning: This fic contains some mild amounts of cultural ableism, particularly in Bucky’s views on himself, not being able to read.  Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19396732 Word Count: 3397 Posted for @winterironbingo​

Bucky always seemed smaller, somehow, in the infirmary, than he did in the rest of the world. Presence. Tony knew something about that; people were constantly shocked by how much shorter Tony was than they’d imagined, and, to some degree, how much less loud in a personal setting than a professional one.

The fact that he had lifts in the Iron Man armor probably didn’t hurt, either.

Bucky had come awake very suddenly that morning; the damage from the fall, combined with being at ground zero of a non-nuclear explosion had sent him into a coma for several days. Not unexpected, and while nerve-wracking, Tony admitted that sleep was the best thing for him. Let the serum heal the damage, just as soon as the medical trauma teams finished closing up the wounds.

He’d… laid there for a long time, not answering anyone. Eyes opened, looked around the room, and then closed again. He didn’t entirely seem… aware.

Around noon, he’d finally given medical something they could work with. He’d pointed metal fingers at his ear, and then shook his head.

His hearing was gone. Entirely, though the medics were confident that the serum would heal the damage in time. They didn’t, however, have any idea how long that would take. A few hours? A few days? A month? No clue. Ears, it turned out, were finicky and fussy constructions.

But other than that, he was in great shape, only a few bruises and nicks left to highlight where the worst of the damage had been, so they were cutting him loose.

Which left it to Tony to take care of his boyfriend. That was a switch; usually it was Bucky hovering at Tony’s side as he laboriously and without the serum healed from his injuries, or hacked his way through whatever bug had run rampant through the building.

Tony had whipped up quick app for Bucky’s tablet -- as long as he was within range of the Compound, anything anyone said to Bucky would be displayed on the tablet’s screen, in a discreet little bar at the top of the screen, where it wouldn’t interfere with the rest of the tablet’s function. “Here you go, babe,” he said, demonstrating the functions. “I’m pretty sure I can make it work outside of FRIDAY’s range, but the native voice-to-text translators are... lacking.”

Bucky stared down at the tablet, then back up at Tony’s mouth, back down to the tablet. He hadn’t said anything, at all, since the med techs turned him loose, even though nothing was wrong with his vocal chords. He scowled at the tablet again, then, very slowly, tapped out Thank you, and showed it to Tony. Followed by a scribble of Bucky’s normally terrible handwriting -- he’d been left handed before the accident, and Hydra hadn’t cared about his penmanship -- you talk too fast.

(more below the cut)

“You already knew that,” Tony pointed out, grinning. “I’ll try to slow it down a little for you. Is this better?” It felt like talking through molasses, honestly. “You know you can still talk, right?”

Bucky nodded. Medtex md me. Fezl weird.

Tony squinted at the message, then nodded. “Okay, as long as you know you can. Whatever makes you more comfortable. They said you should take it easy for a while, so... What do you want to do? Play chess? Watch a movie? We can put in something you’ve already seen, turn on the subtitles.”

Bucky stared down at the block of text that Tony had spewed out, even talking slower, he tended to say at least four times as many words as strictly necessary. Movis good. Die Hard? Unlike Steve, who complained constantly about the gunfire scenes in various action movies, Bucky’d always seemed to enjoy them; everything from Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy to Indiana Jones and back, the more ridiculous, the better.

Die Hard was not a Christmas movie, even if some people insisted it was, but they’d started it as a tradition around then, and sometimes Bucky would ask to watch it in July anyway. It might not be a Christmas movie, but Tony knew something about comfort films.

“You got it, sugarlips. You want to get it set up and I’ll get us some snacks?” Especially since Bucky had been in a coma, healing, for a couple of days. He was bound to be hungry; IV nutrition just barely sustained him. Something calorie-dense -- nachos, maybe, with meat and veggies and cheese, protein and fat and carbs all at once, and at least a nod toward nutrition. And some cookies for dessert.

Tony put it all together, a heaping platter of food and a selection of drinks, and carried it all back out to the movie room.

For a while, it was just them, and then Nat came in, wearing old leggings with holes in them and an oversized sweatshirt that Tony was pretty sure belonged to Steve. And then Steve joined them. And Bruce. And Clint.

And of course, everyone talked.

Bucky spent more of the movie scowling at his tablet than he did watching the film.

Tony nudged him. “Okay?”

Bucky nodded. Then, taking advantage of what appeared to be yet another Steve-against-gun-phyics argument, said in a voice that was probably meant to be a whisper. “It’s a lot.”

Tony glanced down at the tablet, which was scrolling text across the top in a continuous marquee, one line for Steve’s rant, and another for the movie, and a third of Clint arguing with Steve. Tony grimaced. “Sorry,” he said. “You want to do something else?” He pointed over his shoulder with his thumb to underscore his question.

Bucky nodded. Wrksp? Can just watch u

Tony nodded quickly. “Yeah, absolutely, we can do that.” He set aside the various dishes and bottles piled on their laps and then helped Bucky to his feet. “We’re just going to go somewhere a little quieter,” he told the others’ curious looks.

“He’s deaf,” Clint pointed out. “It doesn’t get much quieter than that.”

Tony made a face. “I can still hear you, birdbrain.” He curled his hand into Bucky’s. “Come on, Buckaboo.”

Being deaf was not at all like what Bucky had thought -- if he’d even given it any thought at all before it happened, and he was pretty sure he had not. 

First off, it wasn’t pure silence, if there could ever be such a thing. Bucky’s serum had enhanced most of his senses, turned them up to eleven, as Peter Parker had once explained it. He could hear breathing and heartbeats and the pulse of blood through a person’s veins, including his own. So, silence was a concept, not ever a reality.

Even being deaf, apparently, wasn’t no noise.

It was just senseless noise.

His head rang like a bell, constantly. Like a headache, with no pain. What he “heard” was the audio equivalent of the shimmer of sunlight on too-hot pavement. Directionless. Meaningless. Noise.

But it wasn’t silence.

There were some sounds he could still, sort of, hear. Gunfire. Someone yelling. It didn’t mean anything, out of context as it was, but he could hear it. 

So, that was good, at least. He didn’t have to worry about not hearing someone who was shooting at them.

Not that Steve would let him back into the field, even if Bucky wanted to, while he was operating impaired.

Bucky wasn’t sure he wanted to.

He relied on his hearing, the way a person moved in the space around him. Several times, recently, Tony had startled him, badly, just because he came up behind Bucky, out of his peripheral vision, and Bucky-- couldn’t sense him coming.

The shop, at least, was nice.

There was always noise -- Tony talking to his projects, the fabricators, FRIDAY, the bots -- but very little of it required Bucky’s attention at all, once he’d gotten FRIDAY to stop putting up song lyrics. He really did not care about the tribulations of Bon Scott.

Tony didn’t slip as seamlessly into his work as usual, coming back every ten minutes or so to check on Bucky. “Did you get enough to eat? Need a drink? A blanket?”

Bucky couldn’t decide if it was nice, or infuriating. It was very easy to get lost in the not-quite-silence. Like slipping away, sometimes it would take someone a moment to get his attention. So, it was nice to be reminded that he wasn’t… quite as alone as he’d felt. 

On the other hand, he was the goddamn Winter Soldier, and if he needed a blanket, he could bloody well get one.

“Reminds me,” Bucky said, and that was always so strange, talking. He knew he was talking, he could feel everything working just the way it was supposed to. He didn’t feel like he was drunk, or slurring, or anything. He just couldn’t hear it. And he didn’t know how loud he was being. “Of being the Winter Soldier.”

Tony blinked, startled, and tipped his head to the side curiously. “How?” he asked, or at least, that was the shape his mouth made.

Bucky gestured at the space around his head, like that meant anything. “I’m here. And there’s a wall of --” he tried to lower his voice, the pinched expression around Tony’s eyes a subtle clue, maybe, that he was talking too loud. “--nothing. Around me. Like, I’m here, but I’m not… important? Or I don’t understand. They would talk, near me, of course. But it never mattered what they said.”

Tony’s face got tight and pinchy, and he sat next to Bucky, reaching for Bucky’s hands. “You matter,” he said, very slowly, like it was very important that Bucky be able to understand him. “I love you.”

Bucky watched Tony’s mouth moving, memorizing each twitch of lip, the way his teeth moved, closing around the sounds. “Say it again.”

“I. Love. You.” Tony punctuated that with a light kiss, just a brush of his lips across Bucky’s.

“Thanks,” Bucky said, and his throat ached and it had nothing to do with whether or not he could talk, or hear. “Love you, too.”

He closed his eyes, felt Tony under his hands. He hated having his eyes closed, it made everything feel even further away than it was when he couldn’t hear it. But sometimes he just needed to not-- be.

God, his head hurt. Reading had always made his head hurt, for as long as he could remember. “Sometimes the best thing about bein’ the Winter Soldier was that I didn’t hafta read,” Bucky said, speaking into the blackness. 

Bucky felt Tony freeze for a moment, felt the vibrations of Tony’s voice, for a brief moment -- no more than a few words, before he remembered that Bucky couldn’t hear him. Tony moved, leaning closer, and he was nuzzling gently against Bucky’s cheek, his breath warm as it spilled over Bucky’s skin.

Bucky stubbornly kept his eyes shut for a few more moments, not wanting to try to read, or figure out, or… anything. Waited there, in the darkness. Heart thudding in his chest; he could feel the way it tripped, beating faster than normal. His blood pressure was probably through the roof, honestly.

What if it never comes back?

Finally, he sighed, opened his eyes, looked at Tony. Wondered if Tony was going to scold him for trying to ignore everything. Or something. Bucky wasn’t sure. The whole not-being-able-to-hear thing was giving him the serious creeps. Like he was always… missing something.

And that he might never get it back.

Tony was looking at him, forehead creased with worry and confusion. He opened his mouth, then shook his head a little. He opened his hands like a book, then made a comically exaggerated yuck face, tipping his head and raising an eyebrow.

“Yeah, I swear, I dunno how you all don’t have headaches, like all the time, stupid squirmy shit,” Bucky said. “First thing I did, when I moved in, back-- you know, back when it was JARVIS. He read everything to me, right in my ear. It was great.”

Tony’s lips moved, slowly repeating squirmy. His frown deepened, until Bucky felt the urge to reach up and smooth it away. And then all of a sudden, his eyes widened, and he said something that Bucky couldn’t read. And then started chattering a mile a minute, so Bucky could only interpret maybe one word in five. “--believe-- --help-- --so much-- --better--”

Bucky scowled down at his tablet, then “What’s sldexic mean?”

Tony stopped, and the scrolling letters paused, thank god. He turned his head, saying something to FRIDAY, and the monitor Tony had been working on flickered and cleared, the schematic replaced with a single word in a typeface -- font, they called it now -- Bucky hadn’t seen before. It was... heavy, like the bottoms of the letters weighed more than the tops, the lines there thicker, and it didn’t stop the letters from wriggling around, but it slowed them down, anchored them in place. DYSLEXIC, the word said. Underneath, a new line of text unfurled, in that same weighted text. A disorder that creates difficulty in learning to read or interpret words, letters, and other symbols.

Tony was watching Bucky closely.

“Slow,” Bucky said. “S’what my teacher tol’ Ma. I wasn’t-- I mean, I’m not. I ain’t… I ain’t dumb. I can read.” He felt that familiar shame, that what had been so easy for everyone else, Bucky had labored over and laughed around, and gotten out of by being charming. And… by a sticky fingerprint on a flashcard that told him that one word, the one he kept getting wrong. Was building.

Tony nodded, shook his head, made a face. “You’re damn smart,” he said slowly, carefully. “It’s not intelligence. It’s how you see the words. The letters...” He made a wriggly gesture with his hand. “Move.”

Bucky rolled his eyes. Of course they moved. That’s what words… did. They moved around, like they were playing musical chairs and Bucky could catch them, sometimes, and pin them to the page, enough so that he got the general idea of what he was looking at. But mostly, he just hadn’t bothered. Shooting a gun made… sense. “Well, yeah?”

Tony shook his head. “They should not,” he enunciated. “They should stay still.” He pointed at the monitor. “Better?”

Quieter. More still. Like he could pick the whole word up. Which, yes, better, but the fact that something had to be changed, just so Bucky could deal with it-- “Something’s wrong with me,” Bucky said. It wasn’t a question. Something had always been wrong with him, but hell, he was just a dumb gun, he didn’t need… except now he couldn’t hear, and apparently he couldn’t read. 

And he was alone inside his head.

His eyes burned and then words disappeared in a sudden wash of blurry tears. 

Tony’s arms were around him, holding him close, voice a subtle vibration against his chest, hands stroking soothingly over his hair.

Maybe it was that soft touch, or the way Tony’s voice was nothing but more wah wah in the wall of nonsense noise that flooded him, or just, realizing how big the gap was that separated them. Tony was a genius. A genius, and everything that came with it, and Bucky was not. Not even as good as a whole person anymore, and he didn’t deserve Tony.

And he couldn’t hear himself talk, so the whole story came flooding out. How he struggled so much in school, and hearing that there were places for kids like him. Hospitals for kids that weren’t right in the head. And so he learned. He got his sister to read to him, and she was two years younger, but he could get away with being loud and trouble because he was a boy, and she’d read to him and he’d memorize it. No one had to know.

Tony’s hands tipped Bucky’s face back to look up at him, brushing away hot tears. “You are smart,” Tony insisted. “Bruce is not dumb because he needs glasses to read. You are not dumb because you need help holding the words still. And I love you.” He pressed a kiss to Bucky’s forehead, to Bucky’s nose.

“Okay,” he said, because what else was he going to say? Tony obviously didn’t believe that Bucky was an idiot, even if Bucky felt stupider and slower than he ever had in his entire life. And maybe, maybe he could figure this out, cover it up, learn-- there were sign languages, weren’t there? Clint used them sometimes, when he didn’t feel like putting in his hearing aids. Bucky could learn that, maybe.

Something. 

Tony wouldn’t stand for it, if Bucky decided to just… give up.

He let Tony’s gentle, exploratory kiss brush over Bucky’s mouth. “Say it again.”

“I love you. I love you. I love you.”

A week after that breakthrough, Bucky was learning ASL -- mostly from Clint, but supplementing with actual lessons, otherwise he’d mostly only know long-range weapons tactical words, and how to order a pizza, and a week after that, he was back in the field. 

Friday could translate Bucky’s sign into words when the team needed it, and the new font meant that Bucky was back on comms, with FRIDAY scrolling necessary information on his HUD.

Three weeks after that, Bucky had surprised Tony with an impromptu waltz around the shop, being able to feel the music rhythms in a special headset that Tony’d been working up. It wasn’t the same as being able to hear, but it was something, at least.

And every night, before bed, Bucky would ask him, very seriously, “Say it again.”

And every night, Tony would tell Bucky, as many times as he wanted, “I love you. I love you. I love you.” He signed it as he said it, occasionally dipped into other languages, but always came back to the simplicity of English, and punctuated each declaration with a kiss.

“Love you, too, peaches,” Bucky signed back. He talked less than he used to, signed more. Tony missed the sound of his voice, sometimes, but tried not to mention it. Things were better, so much better, than they had been the first few weeks.

When Tony was woken from a sound sleep to Bucky’s cry, he was utterly shocked. Bucky didn’t make… involuntary sounds. Not anymore.

He was sitting up in bed, clutching at his head, and whining.

Tony sat up as well and put a hand on Bucky’s back, rubbing in small circles. He didn’t bother trying to talk, not while Bucky wasn’t looking at him. He turned up the lights a bit, though, so they could see to sign, if Bucky decided to tell him about it.

“Oh, god,” Bucky said, a whisper, barely a sliver of sound, and then again, louder. “Tony--” He stared up, eyes wide in the half light. “Tony, say something.”

“What is it, sweetheart? I’m right here.” Tony signed as he talked. He didn’t know as much ASL as Bucky had learned, yet, but it was hard not to pick it up, surrounded by it so much.

“I-- I can hear you,” Bucky said, almost reverently, like an old fallen sinner who’d just found God. Again. “Tony, I… Tony, I can hear you.”

“What?” Tony’s hands faltered. “You can? You can hear me?” He caught Bucky’s face in his hands. “Really?”

“I can hear you,” Bucky repeated.  “I didn’t--” he started crying, almost silently, little hitches of breath and the tears rolled down his cheeks. “I got used to it, I thought that was, it was just always… I got used to it.”

“Hey.” Tony pulled Bucky into his arms, tucked Bucky’s face up against his throat, rocking gently. “It’s all right, sweetheart, it’s okay. We didn’t know when, or even if. It wasn’t going to change anything important.”

“Scared me,” Bucky admitted. “Woke up… there was a noise, and I woke up. I didn’t even know… what was happening. Oh, god, Tony, I missed you-- so stupid, I missed your voice, all the time. The way you laugh. The way you say--” He looked up again. “Say it again.”

“I love you.” Tony kissed Bucky’s lips, his cheek, his jaw, and then nuzzled at his ear. “I love you,” he whispered.

“Love you, too, peaches,” Bucky said. “God, I missed that. More than anything else.”

A/N: https://www.dyslexiefont.com/en/typeface/

Dyslexia, as a disorder, became more widely known in the United States in 1944, the year after Bucky Barnes fell from the train. For quite a long time, it was still thought of as being a lack in education, rather than a disorder. Bucky, having gone to school in the 20s and 30s, would have been classified as Learning Disabled and treated accordingly. (Not well.)

Divider Line by the way, Tumblr, I hate you. Give me my damn line back.