#honestly even not on his dime she'd go

[deathfavor]

@ofdraiocht​ said: A wild Naoe appears. "Kurokooooo I require drinks! Come drinking with me! I'll even pay!"

   “  Naoe  ?  “  Kuroko lifts her head in surprise when Naoe suddenly appears unannounced.  Although not without some amusement at the reason behind it.

   And on his dime? Kuroko gives a grin as she puts down the scroll in her hand.  “  Alright! Drinking the night away it is then!  “  She agrees cheerfully while standing up to join him.  " Lets have ourselves a good time!  “  As if they didn’t every time they went drinking together.

[mc-lukanette]

Ladybug massaged her temples. She'd really, honestly tried to be sympathetic to Chat Noir, knowing how much love utterly sucked and how rough it could be when one's plans didn't go well.

But in the middle of an akuma battle? Because she didn't come after telling him that she already had plans? Prioritizing his own hurt feelings when people were literally melting after being turned into ice cream?

She couldn't do it, not now. She wasn't going to lose both of their miraculouses because Chat couldn't wait a few minutes to argue with her.

As Chat turned to go fight without a plan, she reached out and snatched his baton off of him. He halted, staggering and nearly falling off the roof in the process, then glared at her.

"What are you doing?!"

"Making a backup plan, because I'm the only one who can stop the akuma and you seem to want to cool off by becoming dessert," she stated. Pointing downwards, she instructed, "Stay safe. If we can't work together, I'll find someone else to help me."

She didn't wait for a reply, making a quick escape before his shouting drew even more attention to them. She ducked into alleys to keep herself hidden from Glaciator, only getting up on rooftops when there was no other way of getting around.

Despite the confidence she'd tried to show Chat, she knew deep down that it would be difficult to find someone who would fit the bill. She needed someone who could not only be convincing, but who she could be convincing with. She'd be a liar if she said she was in any way a good actor, so having to fake a romance with someone she wouldn't be comfortable with would definitely tip off Hawk Moth.

That left out strangers and, ironically, Adrien, with a sarcastic voice in her head commenting that he wouldn't be available even if she could ask him. She reigned in the voice with a shake of her head, feeling it was petty of her when it wasn't like it was his fault.

It wasn't like he planned on not coming, or knew he wouldn't be able to go and had been up to something else. That would've deserved the criticism.

Her thoughts bounced around in her head, running through all of the people she knew. Some were blatantly off-limits, like those who were already dating someone, and she had to keep in mind that they would have to be willing to practically throw themselves in front of an akuma alongside her. That narrowed her options even further, as some she couldn't be sure would put up with the danger.

She summarized everything in her head: someone she could feel comfortable around, who was unattached, who could handle the danger, who could act as needed, and who she wouldn't feel squeamish about being romantic with. Names and faces rushed through her memories like she'd pulled a crank on a slot machine, disappearing as she mentally disqualified them.

Until finally, there was only one left and she'd hit a jackpot of red 7s; or, in this case, black and blue 7s.

Turning on a dime, Ladybug took out her yoyo so its GPS could guide her, changing course now that she had a destination.

—————

It was strange landing on the Liberty without hearing any music. She tried to shake off the feeling, just hoping no one was asleep as she looked around, wandering from the front of the houseboat and into the little greenhouse area to check the seating there.

Still spotting no one, she headed further towards the back to peek into the cabin. Even if she saw Anarka instead, Anarka might've at least known where her temporary partner went, provided she would be willing to share after knowing the reason she was looking.

Because Luka would be perfect as her partner. He was brave enough to make himself bait for Captain Hardrock, acted well enough so that Captain Hardrock truly thought that he'd seen her escape out the window, and she was comfortable around him despite the attraction she had. It was a no brainer, really.

As if her thoughts had personally summoned him, a voice called from below, "Ladybug?"

She backed away from the cabin, peering down the stairway leading into the lounge room. Her face brightened in recognition and she exclaimed, "Just the person I was looking for! Luka—ah, Couffaine!"

She added the last name in a hurry, remembering that she was in hero form and not wanting to come off as too informal.

"I heard something up on the deck and came to look. I never thought it'd be you," he said, hurrying up the stairs to stand in front of her. "Why were you looking for me?"

"There's an akuma," she explained, the earlier cheer in her voice gone to express the severity of the situation. "He's after Marinette, and she told me to come find you if I needed help."

His face remained carefully neutral, but his cheeks were faintly flushed. "Marinette said that?"

Technically, it wasn't a lie. Marinette did tell Ladybug to go find Luka, just... in her head, since they shared the same head.

"Wait. Is she alright?" Luka pressed further, taking a step closer to her.

Ladybug had to suppress a smile, as well as the bubbly feelings in her stomach at knowing he was so worried about her. "She's fine for now. I helped her hide and Glaciator doesn't know where she is. All I need now is you to help keep the akuma from attacking me."

"You need a distraction?" He frowned worriedly. "Did something happen to Chat Noir?"

She made a face, nose scrunched as all of the unpleasant memories came back. There went the mood. "He's not being a team player, let's leave it at that."

Luka didn't ask for further detail, unintentionally proving to her that he was the right choice, and nodded along. "What do I have to do?"

"That..."

She hesitated, knowing that this was the only potential roadblock to all of this. She didn't have a backup plan for her backup plan, so if Luka didn't agree then she'd be stuck. The only way to know was to ask.

Taking a deep breath, she laid it all out to him, "Glaciator's power lets him turn anyone he hits into ice cream, even someone like me. His only rule is that he won't shoot couples, which is where you come in. I need you..." She swallowed, blushing but pushing on. "I need you to be my fake boyfriend and pretend like we're in love while I think through setting up a trap for him."

It sounded like something out of a cliche and she would rather not get into the logistics of how awful it was that she had to do something like that in the first place. She'd already had to kiss Chat Noir during an akuma fight even though she didn't want to and had reluctantly accepted that it was part of the job, albeit a gross one.

At least it would be with Luka this time, though he needed to accept first. He hummed, rubbing his chin in thought as he looked away from her, seeming conflicted.

"You won't be in danger. Hawk Moth won't go after you when it's all over," she tried to assure. "I'll make sure he knows before I purify the akuma that it was just a trick."

He shook his head. "Sorry. It's not that. I'm not dating anyone, but I do have someone I like."

"Oh." She didn't expect that, wondering who it could be whilst ignoring the tight feeling in her chest. "They must be something special."

"She is." He beamed, eyes growing soft at the mere thought of her. It felt oddly familiar somehow. "But I'll do this for Marinette, since she's in danger."

There was still something not quite right in his tone, but she knew he meant it and also that they was a she (even if it had nothing to do with the akuma). She placed a hand to her chest and sighed in relief, glad that this wasn't going to be too difficult. "Thanks. Now, let's—"

"Wait," he interrupted, raising a hand to signal for her to stop. "How much are you comfortable with?"

She blinked. "What do you mean?"

He squinted in concern. "I heard about the interview on Face-to-Face. A lot of Paris wants you and Chat Noir to be together, so he might not be fooled by us holding hands or hugging each other."

Oh, that... that was sweet? She hadn't given a thought to it beyond his own boundaries, but he cared about hers despite her status as a hero. After her interview with Nadja, it was true that she'd given up on some level that Paris might see her as anything close to a real person.

"I... thank you," she said, though it was a thanks from the heart rather than the professional one prior to it, "but I'll be okay. I'm willing to do whatever it takes."

He nodded in agreement. "Me too."

"Good!" She smiled, pulling him to her side and taking out her yoyo. "We can talk about a plan on our way there!"

—————

They'd agreed to wait in an alley that Glaciator would soon come across on his pathway through Paris, since he'd be caught off guard for a few seconds when he spotted them. She would stick with the reality that her and Chat had a fight, but from there she would act like she left to find Luka to "destress," as "Luka always worried about her when she fought akuma whilst upset."

She knew it wasn't real, but it sounded nice in a way. In another universe where she didn't have to keep her identity a secret to those close to her, could things be different? Would she be able to have a boyfriend she could go to who would congratulate her on her victories? Would he fret over her and be upset that it was Chat Noir helping her instead of him? Would he hold her after particularly tough battles, and even after easy ones—

Focus.

"We should practice while we wait," she suggested, putting her air of professionalism back on, "to make sure we'll be convincing. How good is your imagination?"

"What?" The question caught him off guard.

"I want this to be enjoyable for you, and it'd help the act." She waved a hand at herself, instructing, "Just picture her, and do to me what you'd do to her if you were dating."

He gave her a once-over, mulling over the request. He rubbed the area along his shoulder where his guitar strap usually was, then closed his eyes, possibly getting into the right mindset to imagine this mystery person girl in front of him at that moment. She could also swear she heard him humming a familiar tune as he tapped a melody against his thigh.

When he opened his eyes again, the soft half-lidded look had returned. She shuddered, knowing now that the look was directed at "her," and unconsciously held her breath as he took a step towards her.

His fingertips touched her shoulder, slowly trailing down to her forearm and then her hand. He raised it to his face and, rather than the cheesy peck on the back that Chat had always given her, he flipped it around to place a slow, steady kiss against her wrist.

She let out the breath in a single exhale, blushing. Already, the atmosphere felt far different than what she was used to. She knew that Luka didn't mess around when it came to feelings, and these feelings were clearly very genuine.

"She's so creative," he whispered, kissing the back of her curled fingers as well. "My sister's told me so many stories about her. She's extraordinary."

So he was getting into the mood by gushing about his crush. She almost felt like she was intruding, having more information than he thought she did, but she let him keep going, unable to tell him that.

Then, remembering that she should be just as involved as him, she raised her free hand to his face, starting at his temple and slowly working down towards his chin. He didn't have the look of a model, even if he dyed his hair and dressed up, but he was handsome in his own way, so she took her time feeling along his cheekbones.

Luka leaned against her touch, nuzzling into her palm with a sigh. With his head turned, she could free the hand he'd been holding and touch his earlobe, feeling the black earring he was wearing with her thumb.

"We match," she teased lightly.

His smile widened. "She matches me too. She has black earrings."

Black earrings. Despite the mixed feelings that he appeared to already like someone, she couldn't help being curious. Did she know someone that Juleka knew who wore black earrings?

She was startled out of her thoughts at the faint sound of loud, squishy footsteps and a sing-song voice off in the distance. She had rightly predicted Glaciator's path and he was approaching, so he'd be there at any moment.

Luka's eyes flicked out of the alley, then back to Ladybug. Gently taking both of her forearms in his hands, he circled her so his back was facing the nearest wall. He slowly sat himself down, bringing Ladybug with him as he pressed himself against the wall. She caught on quickly, climbing onto his lap and making herself comfortable.

She was rewarded with a kiss against her lower jaw, causing her to gasp. "You...you really like this girl."

"You should know, since you met her again today," he countered, encircling her with his arms to bring her in.

Her mind grew briefly fuzzy when he kissed her cheek, but it cleared as his words registered with her. "W-wait, you mean... m—Marinette?"

He nodded, beaming shamelessly like he hadn't dropped a bomb on her. She was just glad she was sitting in his lap, her legs feeling vaguely like jelly all of a sudden.

So all the things he said, the soft eyes that had felt so familiar, and all of the affection on offer had been for her. She knew she had her own spark of affection for him, but she felt like she was always looking like a fool in front of him, thus making it all one-sided.

Yet, it was mutual, and the unspoken conflict he'd been facing earlier suddenly made sense. He'd been torn when he heard that Marinette had "told" Ladybug to find him because that meant she was okay with him potentially kissing someone else.

She giggled. If only he knew, and if only she had known it could be so simple.

"Luka," she began, putting her hands on his shoulders and pushing herself up enough to kiss his forehead, "Did you ever think that Marinette recommended you because she thought it was one-sided too?"

"Ah—mm." Whatever he was going to say stalled as she kissed his temple as well.

She continued without waiting for an answer, "Y-you know what she told me when I told her the situation? That you were the perfect boyfriend material; that you were brave, capable, and sweet when she needed it most."

The alley was dark, but she could make out the way his cheeks pinkened. She wanted to see that through Marinette's eyes one day, not Ladybug's.

"I think you should ask her out," she added.

"I..." He hesitated, his arms around her loosening. "I wouldn't want to pressure her."

She almost laughed, thinking back to how badly she would've wished for someone like him when she was still struggling to make friends, and even now. "Take it from me, I know these things..."

The footsteps were growing louder and she heard the sound of boots against rooftops. Recalling the baton at her lower back, she glanced across the street and up, seeing that Chat Noir was stealthfully keeping up with Glaciator. She had no idea what was going on in his head, whether he was skeptical if she'd make due on her word or was simply waiting for her to come back, but their eyes met.

Pretending not to have noticed him, she took Luka's chin using the hand furthest from where Chat was. Her other cradled Luka's cheek, carefully hiding the sight of his lips from anyone else behind her wrist.

"If it's you asking, and this is what you have planned for her," she began, leaning towards him, "then she'll definitely say 'yes.'"

She sealed the promise with a kiss purposefully to the side of his mouth, though to anyone watching from where she knew they would, it would look like the real deal. Luka's breath caught as his embrace tightened back up, and she knew he was strongly considering the suggestion.

He better, anyway, as she wanted to give him the real deal as Marinette.

[tossball-stick]

MORE TRANSFEM KIERAN

hii kicks my feet. twirls my hair. does a little spin. i wanted to write these out sooo much sooner but i got sick :(( luckily!! im here now!!!! so today ive decided to share some camp transition hcs. personally i dont actually think she would have the time to transition in the gang.. buuuuut its still nice 2 think about :) maybe later ill make a post about the domestic au ive got for her. smiles big and wide

sean is immediately supportive of her transition. this isnt really cause for suspiscion, sean is also trans of course. until his true intentions are revealed and hes simply staring at a womens fashion catalogue in the undergarments section holding it out to kieran and pointing, "i think youd look good in that one ;)"

eventually kieran is doing some of the ladies workload, she is one of them, after all (though i imagine her true role even post transition would be a little more mixed, like karen, who can be seen going on watch and such). of course this means grimshaw eventually coming by to nitpick her the same way she does for the rest of the women. chastised for not being ladylike enough, or being improper. i imagine susan and kieran get along pretty well, honestly, i can imagine kieran being a very effective little worker bee for her that goes along with whatever she says in an attempt to pass. susan clearly knows about being a woman. kieran wants to be a woman. its perfect!

you would think if i headcanoned bill as gay and kieran as a woman i would believe that bill eventually loses his crush on her. you would be wrong. very wrong. i think it maybe seems that way at first, but realistically bills manner of attraction has simply shifted. with men you can be rough and rowdy and awful and its expected, even when trying to court one, but trying to court a lady? now, thats a long process of wearing her down with charisma, wooing her, being a gentleman. things bill williamson sucks at. really badly. i think he would simply stop making moves on her because he just doesnt know how, but i dont think his actual feelings change even remotely

thusly, people start looking at bill weird the times he gets drunk and does dare to flirt with kieran. i imagine people would offer to have a talk with him about it, but she would just smile and shake her head, because bill stumbling over his words to drunkenly call her pretty was one of the best feelings shes ever had

i doubt hosea and dutch would care. really. i think either way they keep her stationed with the horses. it makes her happy and ultimately she is helping around camp more now. theres no loss of hands to complain about, they werent taking her on jobs anyway

her and molly!! i knowwww molly is saying some shit like "youre clearly just pretending, wearing that skirt with that lipstick" and it very quickly snowballs into convincing arthur to take them out on the town and buying kieran some clothes with at least a little class. maybe they kiss while out there. whos to say

look. all im saying is. if kieran goddamn duffy can become a woman then sadie adler can become a man. and sadie adler fucking haaaaaates that the start of his transition was watching an o'driscoll transition first. and i also think it would be really funny and i wanna torture that tboy some more.

grows her hair out for sure, i think in any other setting she would wear it down more than up, but due to the nature of her chores at camp, shes keeping the hair off the back of her neck

i can imagine mary-beth and her sitting together on a quiet night, kieran listening to her talk about whatever dime novel or bodice ripper she'd been able to get her hands on lately. its nice and all, but shes mostly just listening, shes not much of a reader, and mary-beth is clearly talking like she wants the man. until, out of nowhere, shes bringing up how the savior is always the men, and how, sometimes, it made her even more giddy to picture the "men" with long hair and even more identity protection, and thinking about them being women masquerading as men. seemingly, kieran is a lot more engaged now that mary-beth is talking about being saved by a woman that is stuck looking like a man for whatever reason. of course, mary-beth doesnt miss this little detail. theyre sharing drinks by the end of the night.

i think one of her first gender moments was getting her first skirt of course. but i think it only really hit her when she had to mount branwen sidesaddle for the first time, and get used to riding him like that. it was kinda like learning to ride a horse all over again. it gets branwen involved in her transition as well and i think thatd be crucial for her; bonding with her beloved horse in a new way, being a woman while doing it. even if he wasnt a part of such a big moment for her, i still think she would gush to him about all the womanly things she got to do that day. branwen is always the first to hear when a day goes by and she barely feels like a man the whole time.

i hope this was enough food to keep you and any other transfem kieran enthusiasts fed for a bit ^-^

[theguardianace]

Can I politely ask you to elaborate on the Aroace Nene fic you talked about some time ago? Or just simply how you see her in your brain after finding out she's aroace? If it's not much to ask, of course

OMG YES YES YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! absolutely. i will ramble about aroace literally anybody on the drop of a dime this is one of the best anons to get actually

nene's story is actually the one i have the least about, to be perfectly honest. i have a plot for both emu and tsukasa's stories, but haven't quite figured out one for nene. honestly, i think nene's the type of aroace to not really... care about it that much. she'd never cared about love or romance to begin with, so when she realized it was because she was aroace, it was mostly like "hm. cool. im gonna go play animal crossing now".

as for finding out... i think it would have happened in middle school, back when she was Online Gamer Nene TM full time. with how much she loves games and storytelling, it really only makes sense she'd want to engage with fandom content like fics. however, just... seeing the way people sexualize her favorite characters, or only write/draw shipping content... she didn't care for it. she didn't want to engage with that. not that there was anything wrong with it! people can do whatever they want with fictional game characters. she just. didnt care about it herself. which led to her feeling even more isolated even within her favorite hobbies. i think this would sort of lead her to playing a variety of games so she doesn't have to worry about getting absorbed in fandoms she doesn't care to be a part of. she still checks, every once in a while. for games that she really likes. i think its through this that she eventually stumbles across a popular aroace headcannon, goes "what", googles it, and is like "wow. thats me. sick". and then moves on

but like. even when she's moved on. it's still really nice to know, yknow? it explains why she felt like the odd one out not wanting to ship stuff, or even care to entertain it. there's people out there just like her. it makes her less anxious, a little more sure of herself.

she doesn't ever tell anyone. not even rui. (i mean, they hadn't talked in ages. how is she supposed to? "hi, we havent had a genuine conversation in years, how are you? by the way i discovered im aroace and you probably don't know what that means and honestly i dont really care about it myself. have a good day".) (and once they do start talking again, it just... never came up. she never felt the need to, and he never felt the need to ask.) until my epilouge chapter where they all end up coming out like WHAT WERE ALL AROACE THATS SO SILLY anyways

in casual life, i think nene would have been the type for adults to go "oooh, you have a crush on him, don't you? look at you, all red and shy just thinking about him" when shes simply Just Like That. it was really annoying. she knew she didn't like them like that and that was that. but shes too scared to say that so she just took it. definitely didn't help the "nene needs to learn how to make friends" department. honestly, her only relief from it was with rui- both her parents and the kamishiro parents recognized that the two really did care about each other, but it wasn't like that. also no way in hell they're ruining the one friendship their kids have.

later with emu, i don't think there was any point where people even considered a romance, at least not at first glance. it wasn't like people at school even knew about emu (minus when she snuck in, but why would this hyperactive pink thing be looking for that shy second year?). and people walking the streets didn't really assume they liked each other like that since they were two girls. nene's mom was a little curious if they were dating since emu comes over so often and is so physically affectionate, but she never really pressed. she was mostly just happy nene has friends over that aren't just rui. (also, emu's aroace too, so nothing in her demeanor even made nene consider it could have been romantic. shes just Emu.)

for tsukasa, it's a similar thing. by the time people have realized the two are friends, nene's confident in herself and her feelings enough to shut down the people who would even dare assume she likes a buffoon like that star in that way. there's those people that go "oh but you're mean to him and girls are mean to boys when they have a crush on them" but she's tough enough to go "ew" and move on. (she did complain about it a little to rui on a walk home once. if he ended up in her classroom the next day to "grab her for lunch" and weaponize his dangerous reputation to intimidate them when she wasn't looking, it was sheer coincidence.)

also, i think out of the four, nene falls most on the loveless scale. tsukasa, emu, and rui are all beings made of love despite the fact they don't fall in it. nene's a bit different. she cares about her friends, and she's super good at making them (despite what she thinks), but she doesn't really... love them. not in the ways people usually want to describe love. she would kill a man for them in a heartbeat, don't get me wrong. she just experiences those sorts of feelings differently. it's care, and determination, and hope, and happiness, but not... love. not completely.

anyways aroace gamer nene so real fic will happen once i figure out how to tie these ideas to a plot 👍

[freedomfireflies]

https://www.tumblr.com/freedomfireflies/726018806239084544/not-me-realizing-we-been-fangirling-over-ash-this

and the blurb is like

harry: look mate you can fuck her but only this one time because you almost died and I feel bad but that’s it this one time

asher: ok

asher: …mate where is she

harry: oh ops she’s sleeping this ONE time I would have actually allowed you fucking her well sorry I guess that’ll never happen then

ASLDFJSDF AWWWWWWW honestly, I think Asher would still go into her room and just maybe hold her for a little bit (as Harry watched with a roll of his eyes in the corner) And he'd kiss her cheeks, and rub her back, and she'd start to wake up, and ask what's going on and then Asher would be really nervous (like REALLY nervous) and she'd just 🥹 "No, I want that, too." and then she'd maybe take the reins a little at first but I think after Asher found his nerve, he'd flip on a dime and just...oof he'd fucking GOOOOO (also to make Harry even more jealous) (which it would)

[gccdstories]

//😈//

Violet leaned her head on Xaden's shoulder. Solstice was beautiful here in Terresan. For a moment the world's problems felt so far away.

She smiled seeing his siblings run around in the snow.

She nudged him nodding to where Aleksander and Azriel were helping Aerleas and Aedion make snow forts.

"Go help them. Where are your sisters?"

"On the ice. Hi Violet!"

Alaric was so welcome after the tension between her and Orsus. He was always happy to see her. He held up a small present to her. He smirked at Xaden, rubbing him.

She ignored them, looking to the ice down below.

Sebastian was skating around them, turning on a dime to the delight of the girls. She smiled watching him and Natalia skate together.

She felt good, sure she and Natalia weren't exactly friendly. But they had time, she was protective of her son.

She could make this wake, there were no secrets now.

She tore the paper off gasping softly. She looked to Alaric who beamed, kissing her cheek.

"Happy Solstice. Your father says you were fond of the classics and I persuaded Sarai to let me take that one for you. And don't worry about Mama she'll get over it. Just make our father like you, he's the real one to impress."

He shot Xaden a look though.

"Don't you dare till Mama I said that."

Alaric's magic was powerful, she didn't know much about it. She knew he was training in Dawn in preparation for Schlomance in a few years. At 18 he was happy, soft. Blue eyes so pale they were almost gray.

He was happy, joyful, was he heart that the others missed?

He seemed to be missing peice Orsus and Xaden needed. He knew how to calm Airleas and Aedion down too.

She was excited to get to know him more over this winter break.

------

Maybe it was time to try at this emotion thing. Bragen was nice, kind, soft. It terrified her how easily she could break him. But he was pushing down her worse impusles for one, so wasn't that good?

Catriona had never seen her happy than the morning when Syrena and Ravenar's bond had snapped. They'd been betrothed when they'd been Cat's age. Their relationship had flourished as Catriona had watched.

Her sister was always the one to shoulder everything, who didn't complain and did it all. She never slept, never tokkk a day off.

As she and Ravenar had grown closer those moments had lowered too. Especially here, even Ravenar had seemed calmer according to Narcissus - happier.

She laughed as Bragaen twirled her around in the snow. The snowflakes fell softly around her. She laughed, picking one of the girls up and spinning her around.

She missed her siblings but they'd be here soon for the actual ball.

------

The ball was beautiful, she watched as Drakon, Azriel and Aleksander ran in the hallways. Ravenar's and Amarantha's families should be here soon. Then she was sure it would be even more wild those girls already knew how to get boys to follow them wherever they went.

Catriona stared up at the moon, the stars blazed above them. The cold air calmed her heating skin. Bragaen and her friends hadn't let her stopped dancing till she'd told them she was getting dizzy.

Bragaen had lead her to the balance and promised to get her water.

She looked to Xaden, smiling at him looking back to the sky.

"Did you think we'd be here?"

"On a balcony?"

She shot him a look.

"I'm trying to be sincere Xaden....I'm glad we didn't work out honestly. It's nice to be wanted for myself and not the power. I didn't get that you know?"

She leaned against the stone, looking down at the garden.

"I'm glad she has you."

Xaden exhaled and stepped up to the balcony. He looked to the sky, smiling against the lights and stars.

"Yeah, I'm glad I have her too."

He swallowed and looked to her. As much there had been no emotions attached, he was happy for her too.

"I'm glad you're happy Cat. Really. You deserve it."

Catriona turned to look up at him, the words dying on her throat as she felt something snap between her. The music was soft, a melody that seemed to reflect the last few days. A song of nostalgia and honeyed halcyon days.

Xaden was... happy. It was a strange feeling, because a part of him could barely remember it being so simple, so easy, to just-- be happy.

He came up beside Catriona, his gaze focused up on the night sky. ❝ I guess everything worked out like it was supposed to-- ❞

But his words trailed off as Xaden looked down from the moon and star filled night sky, his eyes meeting hers. There was-- It was slight. It was damn near quiet, and for a moment, he was sure it wasn't real.

That his mind was making things up or--

Xaden stepped back suddenly, even as a part of him wanted him to do the opposite, to step towards her. But he shook his head. ❝ What was that? ❞

Even if he knew what it was, he needed to hear someone say it. Out loud.

@siderealxmelody

[the-thieves-gambit]

"You know I knew a magician once, and not even he could manifest things. So if you do, you'd have to share your secret with me." Elizabeth hated to admit that she was already considering looking up a recipe for a canoli pie, whatever that was. Her baking was still rudimentary at best. Cookies, muffins, whatever Orion had asked honestly, last time she had even baked was when he was around for Easter weekend. Hadn't seemed to find the time or want to do so since then but she'd make an exception for him, he was barely teetering to consciousness moments ago. The least she could do was make a stupid pie for what he was doing here. More than she ever did.

Her eyebrow cocked at his differentiation of her outfits, deciding to just let it go. She was sure he hadn't even seen the dress really, he was so out of it, he was just being nice, as he always was. Compliments were things she used to fish for, knowing that it meant she was on the right path during a job. But there was something about the way that Wally said his that made her hesitate and feel like they were things she could not, would not, accept. Chalking it up to just being a line in this friendship she wouldn't cross, she simply shrugged it away.

There was no quip, no quick-witted remark at her words and it made her feel like she had said the wrong thing as she helped him back to the bed. "Why not just rest for the day?" A simple suggestion, mostly thinking about him. "A day of rest and some bandages for support will help." Her own experiences came back, but she also didn't know how bad his injuries were. "We can make up some rumor, everyone saw you coming out of that club looking pretty fucked up. A nasty hang-over. I can go see the wives again, get some more information, maybe find your agent."

"Uh," she chuckled at his question. "You really want to know that now?" A part of her wanted to lie, to save face and add to his ego. Then there was a part of her that just wanted to be honest, to be truthful, it was the least she could do for him. Now that she knew the truth of what he did. "Well," a small grunt as she leaned to the side to help him sit on the bed gently. A sigh as she made sure that he was settled on the bed before heading back for the tray of food. "That you did what all other agents do," not like she knew many, not personally. Vegas slipped back into her mind. "Using credentials to get you to places that others can't, using a badge so no isn't part of peoples vocabulary. Clubs and travel on company dime while doing little work and lots of partying. Getting your shoulder dislocated." The last one she added with a chuckle at the memory of how they had crossed paths.

Returning to the bed, she sat with one of her legs dangling off the bed, the other curled underneath her as she faced him, tray between them. "But that was before this. Before you told me what you really do." Since they were being honest, grabbing a sandwich, she felt the need to ask, before taking a bite. "Why go about it this way? Why not social services, social work, or some sort of community health worker?"

Wally laughed, the type of laugh that crinkled his nose a bit. A clear indicator he was more than amused. This was their normal, even with being here in a mess, he liked that they could find a leeway to have their quick banter back. "Leave it to this asshole Lennox for ruining the baked goods treat for me," he rolled his eyes at that. "I could also just manifest a cannoli pie with whipped cream magically just appearing in that fridge. You know, because I'm injured."

That smile was so telling to him and he didn't quite know why he could clock it in. There weren't many times that she talked about anything personal but when things slipped out, he just smiled. It wasn't like he forced her to talk about herself but he knew those moments were seldom and also special, like she somehow was actually okay with letting him in to know her and not just what she wanted others to know. His eyebrows furrowed a tiny bit as he subconsciously licked his lips, feeling them dry up a bit after she put the dress she wore back into his head. "This is nice but the dress was nice. There's a difference. You looked beautiful." Not the persona she was currently working as but her as Elizabeth. "But let's be real you could be wearing a potato sack and you'd still look amazing."

If he felt more brave he'd have closed the gap between them but he knew he needed to respect that boundary. He had already spooked her he supposed when he couldn't drop his gaze from her. So, for now feeling the hesitation he brought his thumbs inside his palms closing them tightly to prevent him from doing anything stupid. Instead he did as she instructed and huffed out in slight pain. Clearly, his ribs screaming out that they were still bruised. He didn't say anything when she let him in on the Charlie tidbit. He honestly could somewhat relate and that made him go quiet. Just leaned on her for support, his thumb grazing her back slightly. "I don't have any doubt," he huffed out as his brave face facade started to drop. "The sooner we get to do this all over again in the morning. I can hide the face bruises but the ribs, I don't know about them." Wally talked it out loud honestly, frankly he was like a wounded deer in the wild. It wouldn't take much to actually best him.

Seeing the bed on the horizon he sighed out in relief. "I have a question for you and you have to answer it." He nodded like she had given him an answer. "What exactly did you think I did when you knew I was out on a mission?"

[doc-coyote]

On December 3rd of last year, my mom was diagnosed with cancer. Please understand that she is okay, now, she's doing great. But for months leading up to this diagnosis she was in intense pain. The doctors finally figured it out and told her they would do their best to take care of her and they did. What they wouldn't tell her until she was several months free of cancer, when she was diagnosed, it was so bad they thought she was as good as dead.

They only told her this when she had been the best recovery any of these specialist have ever seen. She began chemo as soon as possible. My dad became her primary caregiver and I was her secondary. She went through chemo and then they stopped it in April to let her heal enough to have surgery to cut out what remained after such aggressive chemo. Chemo was miserable. She'd basically get a few days of normalcy only to have to return for her next session.

As the chemo and surgery days were going, they discovered the cause of my mom's cancer. The big one was ovarian cancer but then they also found a dime-sized bit of lung cancer, my mother has never smoked and avoids smokers at all cost. It was genetic, a mutated BRCA2 gene, this is one of the genes that is supposed to stem cellular growth and stop cancer from happening. If you have ovaries, a mutated BRCA2 is bad news.

This gene mutation means she's susceptible to other cancers, she's already got a full double mastectomy planned for once her post chemo treatment is over so she doesn't have ticking time bombs on her chest. The three of us, her kids, got genetic testing to see if we carried the BRCA2 mutation. We don't, had it been me or my brother, it'd have meant early and regular prostate checks. Had it been my sister, she'd be looking at a full hysterectomy like mom had just gotten AND then my nieces would have had to be tested as well. Again, thankfully, that isn't the case for any of us.

This last year has been very long. I was up at all hours for months, on call for my parents. Helping whenever I could. I honestly would keep doing it as long as it means she's fine. She is doing so well that doctors debate studying her for this level of recovery. She's got a few more months of post-chemo and then once she's deemed recovered from the treatment, the masectomies, likely in the fall. She has been completely cancer cell free for months now.

My dad was always a good cook but his skills have quadrupled, bare minimum, from this. Since my mom gets tired quicker now, I've become his TV and movie watching buddy. My nieces love this fact. I'm often still over at my parents' place to help and sometimes just to see how they're doing and hang out. The feeling from last holiday season and this one is night and day.

I'll be going over there on Christmas day to hang out, likely watch a movie with my dad and give them and my nieces presents. My dad has been using an unused umbrella stand he cut as a rolling pin so I got him a real one since that umbrella stand was never meant for this. My mom has wanted new slippers and she even showed me the direct ones she wanted.

My great-grandmother on my father's side lived to be 106. I was six when I met her, she died shortly after that. She got pneumonia on the trip to visit. This locked something in my mind: our family live up to 106. My mom has joked that when I told her this at that age and having seen all we've been through, I might have locked, not just my mind, but reality as well. My mom is 66 this coming March, my dad just turned 67 last month. Roughly 40 more years here for the both of them. I'll be 37 in February, so just shy of 70 years left for me. I sure hope we can all live with that.

I'm just glad my mom proved a bunch of experts wrong just by being her. She said she's focused on the positive as best she can to get through this. It's almost the opposite of how I survive. I want to be like that. But spite and anger can keep me going when hope is lost. She says I've always had back up plans so that makes sense for me. In October, the father of an old friend, died. His dad was diagnosed with cancer several years ago. I'd often thought of him with this all happening with my mom. Hoping his treatment and health were doing better. I'd known his dad for twenty years, he was a few years younger than my parents. This has been one very long year.

I guess I tell you all of this just to say that I love you all. Since the pandemic started, I've begun ending interactions with friends with I love you. I've always done this with my parents so it wasn't difficult to spread it to my friends. So easy was it that I've accidentally said it to strangers like bank tellers and cashiers. I don't ever expect to hear it back, I don't mind if people don't feel comfortable sharing those kinds of feelings but I just want everyone I know to know that they are loved by me. I have been in mostly lurk mode on this site for years now. Liking posts and maybe sharing photos here and there. So, I love you, dear reader, even if you never made it this far in all this writing. I just felt like I should post this here.

[xxisxxisxxis]

Gateway Drug | Part Eighty

Words: 3.1K

Warning(s): Explicit language, substance abuse, verbal abuse

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My dad always used to tell me, "wisdom is being young enough to get away with doing something stupid, but still knowing better."

I never paid any attention to it because I didn't have any stupid decisions lined up at the age of eight. Or thirteen. Or sixteen...I guess because I never experienced the art of bad decision making and their damnable consequences, all of that pent up stupidity broke loose when I was seventeen and didn't slow down until I was in my thirties.

Young enough to get away with doing something stupid…

"What the hell are you thinking, Duff?" His older brother yells.

I'm listening with my ear pressed to the door, waiting in the hallway outside of Duff's apartment...trying not to be too mortifiedly embarrassed. 

"Matt, it's—"

"—You're fooling around with a married woman, Duff, I know exactly what it is!" He yells. 

"They're getting divorced, Matt, alright? It's not like I'm-I'm just sleeping with her for the hell of it!"

"She's getting out of a six year relationship and getting a divorce at twenty-three, Duff, don't you fucking think the reasonable thing for you to do is back off and let her actually process that before having sex with her?!" 

"It's not like I'm taking advantage of her! I'm not! She loves me—"

"—She's lost! She's vulnerable! She's confused! She'd fall in love with any bone head that was a good guy right now!" He shouts at him. "What are you thinking, Duff? I mean, honestly, what the hell are you fucking thinking?" 

"I-I don't know!"

"What the fuck happens if the media gets ahold of this? If mom finds out that her son is getting hot n' heavy in cars in dark parking lots with a married girl!"

It's quiet for a second.

"I would explain that they're getting divorced, and—"

"—Bullshit. You know what she'd say? 'Married is married until divorce is finalized'." He states. 

"I think mom would be pretty understanding, Matt. I don't think she'd judge me like you are or try to talk me out of it."

"You sound like dad right now, you know that? Just fucking like him." He cuts. "And it's bullshit because I know you aren't anything like dad which is why I'm so stumped right now." 

"It's not that big of a deal." Duff argues. 

"Has she filed yet?" Matt asks next, not skipping a beat. 

"W-What?" 

"Has he filed yet? Have they filed yet?" 

"I don't know—it's not my fucking business." 

"So you're just sleeping with her and you don't even know if they're even splitting up at this point? Of course not because she probably doesn't even know what she wants!" 

"She told me she's gonna divorce him." Duff tells him, certainty in his tone. 

"Well, actions speak a hell of a lot louder than words, don't they?" Matt fires at him.  

...but still knowing better.

The door opens quickly and I pretend I wasn't listening, taking a few steps back as Matt storms out, giving me a second glance before walking down the hallway to the stairs.

I peek into the apartment to see Duff pacing, not paying any attention to me still being out here. 

I take a breath before heading after him. 

"Matt," I say when I get to the parking lot as he goes to his car, "wait."

"You don't owe me an explanation about it, sweetheart, it's between me and my brother." He tells me calmly, getting into his car. 

"Do you have a girlfriend?" I ask him, catching my breath, before he can close the door. 

He looks at me for a second. 

"Do you? Or a wife or a boyfriend or something?" 

"I have a girlfriend." He tells me. 

"How long have you been with your girlfriend?"

"Like, almost a year, now." He replies, not seeing the point of telling me this. 

"I bet you're really good to your girlfriend, Matt." I say, and he slowly catches on, sighing a little. 

"I try to be."

"Nikki wasn't good to me. For years. While he was killing himself with drugs, he was killing me with how he treated me and how he acted and when you really love somebody you sit and make excuses for them to make however they're killing you seem justified, and it's not. It never is." I explain, a lump in my throat and tears in my eyes. "And you don't realize it until one day you're watching a woman you loved and trusted tell the world she's been having an affair with your husband. And then those rose lenses shatter and it's clear. You've spent years of your life giving everything to someone who would probably trade you for an ounce of smack if he ran out." I sniffle. "I really loved him, and you're right, I do still love him. I do. But I also know I'd rather die than willingly throw myself back into that hell. I haven't filed yet, but I am going to when he gets back from Japan. And I do love Duff, and he's a very, very good man. I don't know the situation with you guys' father and it's not my business, but whoever and whatever your dad is...your brother is the farthest thing from it. And I know you are, too, just from the way Duff's always spoke of you and your siblings. I'm sorry for the trouble, and I know you're just trying to look out for him, but you need to be proud of him. Not for what you saw earlier, but just for the fact he's a really great person in a city filled with selfish pricks. You need to be proud of him, and he needs to hear that you're proud of him." 

He lets out another breath, processing what I'm saying, nodding again. 

"Have a good night." He mumbles to me, shutting the door, and I let out a breath and head back upstairs, seeing Duff stopped pacing and eventually just plopped onto the couch. 

He looks at me when I come back in, his eyes sad, a solemn look on his face. 

"I'm sorry if you heard any of that." He says to me and I sit down on the couch beside him. 

"It's okay. He's just trying to look out for you, you know?" 

"I know but he doesn't even know the half of it." He sighs. "And I'm not acting like my dad because if I were I'd be sleeping with anything in a skirt and leaving my wife to deal with my eight kids. 

He tells me lowly, hurt in his voice. 

I try to find the humor in it, nudging his side. 

"You have a wife and eight kids?" I ask, smiling a little and he looks at me, his lips tugging at the corners. 

"No," his lips crack the smallest of smiles for a moment, "but even if I did I wouldn't treat them like shit." He adds. 

My hand comes up to discreetly brush against my stomach. 

"Your brother just wants the best for you." I tell him.

"Who cares? It's not his or anybody else's business." He replies, leaning back, rubbing his forehead. 

"I love you." I offer, hoping the words make him relax a little. 

He huffs out a breath, finally looking at me, his hand grabbing mine, pressing it to his lips.  

I did love him, just not the way I thought I did. I mean, when I was in love with Nikki, it was evident to everybody. I looked at him like I worshipped the ground he walked on—because I nearly did. With Duff, people had to ask me whether I really loved him or not. I always thought it was because we were moving so fast that it seemed abnormal, but in photos when Duff and I were together it was obvious he and I had no fucking clue what we were doing. We were happy with each other, and loved each other, but it was like we both subconsciously knew we weren't going to workout. At least we eventually accepted it. 

I could've divorced Nikki, eventually married Duff, anyway, and made the same bizarre decision that Tansy and Axl made to divorce twice before finally getting married a third time, years later, when their shit was together—because even if Duff and I did get married, we wouldn't have made it through the early 90s.

A couple mornings later, I'm going back to my house since the coast is clear from Nikki since he left for Japan. 

Checking the mail, I furrow my brows as I'm sorting through the bills, randomly seeing an envelope with my name on it. 

I take the mail inside and open my letter.

"What the hell?" I mumble, looking at a couple hundred dollar bills.

Then it hits me. 

"Hello?" Karen's voice on the other end of the phone, chipper as ever. 

"Why the hell am I getting sketchy money from Elektra?" I ask. 

"It's from 'Wild Side', Viv." She explains. "Because Nikki credited you as one of the writers, remember? They couldn't write you a check because it's under the table." She adds. 

"Under the table?" 

"To avoid—"

"—Well, I don't want it." I state. 

"Viv, you're getting a divorce. I'd keep every dime I could, honestly." She advises. 

"Karen, that's no…" I trail off, my mind running a mile a minute, piecing it together. "What time is it in Japan?" 

"Uhm, like, 2:00a.m. maybe?"

"Where are they staying?" 

"Vivian—"

"—I need to talk to Doc. Where are they staying?" 

I didn't want to talk to Doc. Don't ask me how I managed to harass my estranged husband from 16 time zones away, but, I did.

"You knew you were gonna divorce me, you piece of shit, that's why you credited me so I'd get money to cover divorce court!" I accuse viciously. 

"I don't fuckin' know what you've been smoking, Vivian, but you sound insane right now!" He fires back. 

"What I've been smoking? What the fuck have you been smoking, Nikki?! Huh?!"

"Have you been sleeping, Vivian?! You're being fucking psychotic!"

"I'll get on a flight and show you fucking psychotic, asshole, you set me up and then left the fucking country!"

"I credited you as a joke—I didn't think they'd actually take it serious and send you part of the royalties!" 

"Bullshit! You and Vanity planned for her to tell everybody about your bullshit with each other, knowing I'd leave you and file for divorce so you could be together!" 

"If I was that fucking mean, Vivian, I wouldn't have credited you so you wouldn't have gotten paid shit, you crazy bitch!" He insists. "And take your goddamn medication!" 

He hangs up and I roll my jaw before throwing the phone.  

I could've killed him had I felt like flying to Japan.

"Then he tells me I'm being psychotic!" I vent to Izzy over the sound of the vacuum. 

"Well, were you?!" He asks me and I cut the vacuum off. 

"No, I wasn't. I just called him out on his bullshit because he loves to think I'm stupid."

"What exactly did you say to him?" 

"That he credited me so I'd get money, that I'd probably put toward paying for a divorce."

"That's not too bad." He furrows his brows a little. 

"Exactly. Not to mention the fact I know he's still seeing Vanity and the whole plan was to tell the world they were engaged, knowing I'd leave him, so they could finally publicly be together." 

He looks at me funny, before asking, "d-did you tell him that?"

"Yeah."

"Okay, you lost me, Viv."

"What?"

"That's complete bullshit." He states. 

"How?" 

"How? Viv, the man is on a horse-sized dose of heroin on a daily basis—and the crack he would smoke with Vanity—do you think either of them had the energy or mental compacity to conduct a plan like that?" 

"They had the energy to fuck each other, so, my perception of how much they were able to do under the influence has no limits at this point." I argue. 

"I think pregnancy has you cuckoo  for cocoa puffs." He mumbles. 

"Izzy, I'm being serious." I hiss. 

"I am, too, Viv." He tells me. "I'm sorry, I'm not trying to be a complete asshole, but I just don't see Nikki high as a fucking kite coming up with this elaborate plan to leave you so he can be with his side piece while simultaneously deciding he wants you to be financially stable enough to withstand a divorce. He's a mean fucker. If he wanted to leave you, he would tell you to fuck off and file the same day without giving a flat fuck if you could afford it or not." He says. "And he's not seeing Vanity. There's no way she'd keep her mouth shut if they were still together." 

"She managed to keep her mouth shut about it for over a year." I grumble. 

"Yeah, because she was probably hoping he'd leave you for her." 

I stop what I'm doing and look at him. 

"Do you think he would've if she didn't tell everybody about it?" I ask next. 

"I don't know, Viv." He answers honestly. 

"Would you?" 

He glances at me, serious for a moment, before the hint of a smile tugs at his lips. 

"Never in a million years." He says and I smile a little. "Would you leave me for Duff?"

I pretend to think for a second. 

"Depends on who's better in bed." I reply with the response I expected from him and he just blinks at me. 

"Fuck you." He says and I laugh, eventually getting quiet, really thinking about what I said the last time we spoke. 

"I'm not gonna do that to Duff." I say to him and he just looks off for a second. 

"What made you change your mind?" 

"He really loves me, Izzy." 

"Yeah, he does." He shifts on his feet. 

"Do you think...like, if him and me stay together…" I don't have to finish it, he already knows where I'm going. 

"I think it'll be great for the first several months because it always is." Izzy replies. "But once the new wears off and things get more clear…" 

"...Yeah."

NIKKI 

"Jesus fucking Christ."

I beat the phone against the wall so the crazy bitch can't call here again. 

"Two o'clock in the morning and she's making a long distance call just to gnaw my balls over something I didn't even fucking do? And bringing Vanity back up? What the fuck's her problem? 

So, she got money for her credit, oh well. Plenty of people wouldn't necessarily mind seeing a couple hundred dollars for them in their mailbox but of course her ungrateful ass can't even be thankful for it." I hiss to myself pacing my room. "Cunt." I add, grabbing my bottle of wine from the TV stand, taking a big swig of it. 

"Fuck her." I state next. "Fuck her. Fuck her. Fuck her...fuck," I take my wedding band off and throw it at hard at I can at the mirror in the corner of the room, on the wall, "her!" I yell when it makes impact, taking a step back, and another, falling flat on my ass. 

I don't have the energy to get up, laying on my back and staring at the ceiling. 

Just like my dad. 

Just like my mom.

She just fucking left me...and I made her. 

"Fuck her." I refuse to admit aloud it's my fault because it's not.

Sure, I fucked Vanity, I cheated on her first, but that doesn't give her the excuse to do the same to me. 

"Fuck her." I repeat again.

I kept trying to convince myself I hated her. The truth was I hated myself, and was just trying to get that frustration out by turning on her. 

It was easy to do when I imagined her under Duff while I was across the world, suffering, telling myself repeatedly she didn't give a shit about me.

She was probably thinking of me under a random groupie the entire time I was gone, and I don't blame her. I stayed under random groupies any other time, so why would Japan be any different? Especially after she and I were separated and had no obligations to each other.

I didn't have sex in Japan, honestly. I couldn't. I was too fucked up. I would try to, but it just wouldn't go over too well. My body was give out from abuse, my hands were scabbed from picking, my skin ate up with track marks, my face was sallow. 

Fans would tell me they were worried I had the flu and I'd laugh it off and promise I was okay, then go to my room and stay locked in there until I absolutely had to leave. 

I was on smack, constantly, to the point I wasn't even high but just shooting smack as maintenance, which served as a good excuse when a big magazine reporter came to Japan to talk to me and the guys about the tour and when the topic of Vanity came up…

I try to keep from rolling my jaw as the loser starts his question cautiously, testing the waters to see if I'm going to cut him off and tell him to ask another question or fuck off, or if I'm okay with it. 

I remember Vivian's bullshit idea about me and Vanity wanting her to find out about the affair so she'd leave and we could be together. 

Why the fuck would I go through that much shit just to be with someone like Vanity? 

Leaving Vivian to be with Vanity is like leaving the frying pan to hop into the fire dick-first. 

With this in mind as, "so, who is she to you?" finally leaves his mouth in reference to Vanity, pen in hand, ready to jot my answer and spread it around America the second it leave my lips, I pretend to think for a moment, and finally reply, "she was my fiancée." 

[siderealxmelody]

Match {Levi}

He hadn't really wanted to get to know Ivan no matter how much Alya raved about him. Every time he thought of the other he saw him wide eyed staring up at him.

Blue eyes terrified and blood on the cuffs and hems of his clothes. Levi hadn't liked that he'd been able to hear their hearts beat in sync that moment. Both too startled to say much of anything. Levi had heard the shouting, and the bells going off as Phanes’s body was discovered.

He hadn't known why he had walked past Ivan then. Why he hadn't grabbed the younger boy and threw him against a wall and shook him. He had laid awake for years after replaying that scene - thinking of all the ways he could have kept Ivan there. Thinking of all the ways he could have made him pay.

He had even resorted to praying to the Old Gods, hoping for a assignment to take him out. To put an end to the torment in his mind.

But he was getting married apparently and Alya had demanded he be there. Her family made his skin crawl. Zohar's distrust of everyone was easy enough to deal with. But he had remembered sparring with him once or twice when he and his siblings had been at the Great Palace. He carried a ruthlessness in him, a want to shed blood and dominate things.

And Luda...Luda made him nervous. It made him nervous how everyone was determined to speak of how good and kind she was. But all he could remember was her looking at Phanes books and asking Ivan which were the most valuable to sell. He hadn't meant to eavesdrop on them, but they'd been new and he'd been curious. He didn't like how dissmisive she'd been of Phanes’s books, of his history.

It was Ivan’s history too, it was Ivan's right to say none. But he had looked away and pointed to Phanes’s Grimoire. Luckily they never managed to steal it before he had. Luda seemed to look at everyone with how much they could help her.

He didn't even want to think of the Ahrens and the other Grisha Kingdoms. They were all greedy little maggots feasting on the ruins of his people.

He slid his eyes from the painting he'd been admiring to look at Aleksander. The man that had managed to keep his sister (somehow). The man that inspired loyalty and love wherever he went (apparently). He saw the appeal of him sure, but he just seemed like a very talented cult leader. And those were a dime a dozen in these parts. He still didn't get what made the man so special that Alya had trusted him, that she had let her collar transfer to him.

No one had yet figured out how to take collars off them, but he was sure if Aleksander or Luda knew how they'd have done it.

"Enjoying yourself?"

Levi stiffened and turned to see Ivan had appeared next to him. Did he know him? Did he remember the same night he did? Did that day plague him like it had him?

"Would it offend you if I said no?"

Ivan snorted and shook his head, draining his fifth glass that night (not that he was counting). Levi rose an eyebrow at him.

"Pre wedding jitters?"

Ivan held his gaze and gave a dry smile.

"Would it offend you if I said no? That I would rather jump off a cliff than marry him tomorrow?"

Levi blinked, he hadn't expected honestly.

"So why don't you? Whose going to stop you?"

Ivan slid his eyes to Zohar and then looked back at him.

"You were there, do you remember the marks on my neck? Zohar could easily do that again and I don't really want to deal with Luda's disappointment again."

Levi's mind was slow on the uptake. So he had remembered, he knew exactly who he was. The rage nearly made him suffocate.

A lowly Grisha had dared to touch a Tel-Assari? Not only touch but tried to strangle him?

Ivan shivered and grinned as he grabbed another glass.

"So you're thing is cold, interesting. Wind and earth are the first things that move when I loose control."

Levi frowned and swept past him to the balcony. He could feel Ivan follow. At least he'd grabbed control of his powers before it had gotten too bad.

Ivan slid in next to him.

"Sorry I didn't mean -"

"You're so open about it do they all know then?"

Ivan fidgeted with his glass.

"Those that need to do. Alya, Sasha...my siblings of course."

Levi was still stuck on the fact that Aleksander apparently let people call him Sasha. Why? It was such a demoralizing nickname.

Levi looked out to the meadow below them.

"You could take them, you could run."

Ivan hummed and slid his eyes closed.

"Yes, but I want to make them happy, I want them to be - I want to matter to them."

"Don't you already?"

Levi turned to look at him, when he didn't respond. Ivan’s eyes had slid closed and he seemed to be sound asleep.

He could hear the party going on around them, the laughter and the music. He reached to shake him, to make him remember where he was.

As he touched him he felt their heart beat in sync again. But there was something else, a spark - a match striking, a star blazing to life.

The world fell away, his midn quieted. He knew then they were tied together by more than tragedy. He knew then that they were twin flames like in the old stories.

The story went that Tel-Assari were once stars, but they grew bored of their live in the Firmament. They fell to the seas and as they rose split into three. One interpretation was that Tel-Assari had two soulmates and that's why Grisha men married two women. Though he always wondered of the opposite, wouldn't it be equal? Wouldn't women have two soulmates? And whose was to say it was both her sister-wife or husband?

But the other interpretation, and the one he personally believed in went as followed. The Tel-Assari had two soulmates, but only one that was romantic. The other was a friend, a Kindred. He knew without too much thought that Alya was his Kindred. Sometimes he had wondered if it had been Aleksander. If things had been different would they have been friends?

But then he remembered how it was Alya not Aleksander who had come back to him. How it was Alya not Aleksander who he sought out when his nightmares got too bad.

So that only left romantic and perhaps he'd always known. Perhaps he'd known the moment their heart had beat as one in that hallway.

He withdrew his hand, moving to kiss the top of his head. He sadly registered his tears, brushing them off with a breathless laugh. Just on the edge of hysterical.

"I'm sorry Ivan."

He could tell him, they could run. They could hide or better the lives of all these people in the room. But he wasn't Alya, he wouldn't trade his leash for love. He wouldn't walk with Ivan in this - especially not this.

He was a coward or maybe he was brave to walk away. He didn't know then, and he wouldn't get much clarify in the years to come.

The only things he did know is that Ivan and he were soulmates and their story began and would end with tragedy.

@summonshadcw

@sankta-alina-s

[procyonloser]

Adam was used to nightmares, the freakish distorted monstrosities that would come to his mind after a long night, wearing familiar faces but speaking in tongue he couldn't understand. He was used to waking up with his heart pounding, in a cold sweat, fear and terror coursing through his body.

He wasn't used to an actual physical weight on his chest.

Adam was unaware he'd even fallen asleep, truth be told. Lucifer seemed to have a doctor on call for whatever he wished, paid for by the dime of organized crime. He was mildly surprised it'd been a woman to sew up his stab wounds, but not hugely so. There'd been a lot of women in his ranks in the past, too. Ones that had left the army due to how shit they'd been treated, so they moved onto something private.

He cracked his eyes open, and found Charlie sprawled sideways over his stomach, playing with some game on her tablet, absent-mindedly kicking her feet back up and down. She quickly noticed he was awake, and dropped her tablet.

"Mr Adam!" Charlie exclaimed happily, pushing up using Adam's stomach as leverage. "I want to show you my room! Do you like tea parties and spiders?"

Adam blinked, "uh, sure thing, sweetheart."

She got up and jumped excitedly on the bed beside him, and even though she didn't weigh much to cause the bed to shift, it was a lot of energy this early in the morning. Actually. Maybe it wasn't morning. Adam had no idea.

"Charlie, sweetie." Lucifer's voice called out into the room, and Charlie's face fell. She almost immediately turned on the waterworks the moment her father walked into the room. "I'm not going to tell you to leave, Char."

Instantly the tears vanished.

"But," Lucifer said, walking to the edge of the bed, dressed as well as he usually was. "Mr Adam is hurt, he needs to rest. You remember how you felt after your appendix?"

Charlie chewed on her lip, nodding her head, pigtails bouncing as she did so.

"So, why don't you go get your favorite toys and whatever else you want to show Mr Adam here, so he doesn't have to get up just yet, okay?" Lucifer asked, smiling brightly, crouching slightly to meet her eyes. If the girl got her mother's height, eventually she'd be the one crouching, Adam thought to himself.

"Okay!" Charlie jumped and bounced off the bed, stumbling slightly, but it barely slowed her down as she bolted out of the room.

Adam exhaled, laying his head back down. "How long have I been out?"

"Only a few hours, honestly." Lucifer said, sitting down on the edge of the bed. "Are you feeling alright?"

Adam shrugged his good shoulder, "I've had worse from dumber."

Lucifer laughed, eyes crinkling as he looked down at him in bed. "So, why did you leave your work? It can't be the pay, if you went into teaching."

Adam stared at the ceiling. "... Deaths started getting to me, and then the woman I was closest to got hurt, bad. Arm blown off, because I hadn't seen- whatever... It's old news now. I was young, dumb, cocky."

Lucifer smiled, "are you sure you want to use past tense?"

"Fuck you," Adam laughed with a wheeze, but he wasn't wrong.

It was just supposed to be a short term job, something to just get him solvent again. He didn't actually want to stay for more than a couple months - Adam didn't even like children.

And yet, at the end of the day, he had about five children clinging to his legs as he dragged them across the daycare floor. They did some mix of crying, sobbing, laughing, just wanting to stay a few minutes longer in the facility before their parents picked them up.

Charlie sat on his shoulders, frequently talking about how her dad couldn't hold her up so high like Adam could, which always brought Adam great joy.

"Okay, easy goes it, there you are, I've got you." Lucifer said as he was passed as squirming blond toddler. "Daddy is here, Charlie! Aren't you happy?"

Charlie puffed out her cheeks, teary eyed, which in turn made Lucifer's face fall.

"So much for Daddy." Adam said, hands on his hips, amusement spun through his voice. He never really liked the short weirdo, it didn't help that he'd married Adam's childhood sweetheart.

Lucifer shot him an icy look, his demeanor instantly shifting. "I'll show you why I'm called that, if you'd like."

It was Adam's turn to feel his smile falter and fall. It wasn't so much because it was seductive - though it did kind of turn him on; moreso, it was because he knew Lucifer was the head of what he was fairly certain was the mob.