#honestly at this point they could've done this for real and lots of people would be ok with it

[link-sans-specs]

It's a weird kind of milk that's not normal milk.

I've had every milk on this show. That's a privilege.

We know. Ahem.

GME

[mazeinthemiroh]

I'm the one who requested the Ateez argument it was so good omg thank you so much .

I can wait to see the part 2 <3

ateez in an arguemnt - making up (part 2)

genre: hurt/comfort, angst

word count: 2.4k

warnings: still lots of crying i'm sorry??

a/n: wow thank you guys SO MUCH for your support on part 1. i was just blown away by the amount of support it got so thank you very much. it makes me so happy to hear that people like my little writings :] but hey, i didn't want to hurt you all that much like are you gusy okay?? 😭 i hope this part 2 gives you guys some sort of closure and comfort in a way compared to the last one but i honestly don't know because there's a lot of crying in this one as well ANYWAYS sorry for waffling, please let me know if you enjoy <3

hongjoong

hongjoong set a coffee down by the table next to you. it was just how you liked it: creamy with extra foam on the top and cocoa powder dusting. he was precise, you'd give him that.

"is this supposed to be your attempt at making an apology?" you raised an eyebrow, looking up at him from your place on the couch. neither of you had attempted to speak to the other ever since the argument. it felt like forever ago but it was only last night.

he sighed and seated himself down beside you in a position that looked uncomfortable. he leaned his back against the arm of the couch whilst balancing on the tops of his toes to hold himself up. he seemed perfectly fine and comfortable. you softened at how he endeared you.

"it got you talking to me, didn't it?" he shrugged as he watched you suspiciously grab the coffee and slurp it up. perfection.

"i am sorry," hongjoong muttered, eyes fixated on the swirling patterns on the carpet. you knew this was a very hard thing to say; it impressed you that he did. "things got way too out of hand. i can be jealous at times, i know."

you held a scoff in; this was serious.

"just... seeing you with him..." hongjoong's eyebrows furrowed as he remembered how quick he was to anger. he shook his head at the memory, wanting to forget.

you reached out to touch his hand. "you know i would never want to hurt you like that." hongjoong nodded, not looking up. "i love you. i only have eyes for you. i just want you to know and see that."

hongjoong hummed in agreement and played with the edges of the pillow on his lap.

"this is good coffee, by the way," you slurped another sip, and with a little earnt chuckle from him, it felt like the tension finally dissipated. back to your old usual selves.

seonghwa

i will always keep fighting for us

that's what your text message read to him. he stared down at his phone blankly, a sigh escaping form his lips. he really messed up, didn't he?

you knew seonghwa had been going through a slump recently. life was not treating him well; you just had no idea it had gotten so bad. so, so bad, to the point where if your relationship was on the line, the fight in him had gone already. this wasn't like him, and you knew it well. this wasn't the real hwa.

he could've smiled at your intelligence of him had he not been so completely deflated. how he treated you, how he handled the situation... the old him would never have done something like this.

clicking the phone icon, he raised the phone to his ear, tapping his fingers on his legs as he awaited your response to his call. you picked up soon after.

"hwa?" your voice sounded from the other side. your tone was worried, almost frantic.

seonghwa cleared his throat, scrunching up his eyes as he fought past a sudden headache. there was so much going on today. he felt dizzy and exhausted but all he could focus on was you.

"i want to fight for us, too" seonghwa's voice was the softest it's ever been; you felt comforted by this, compared to the harshness you experienced earlier,

"i don't want to give up," seonghwa sounded desperate as thoughts of loving memories of you flooded his mind. how could he give you up? how could he not see that you were the one constant, beautiful aspect of his life? he needed you.

"i'm not ready to lose you."

yunho

you woke up and immediately felt the absence of the warm presence that would be your boyfriend. shivering, you pulled the covers up slightly, missing his warmth.

not only did he come home late last night, but now he had the audacity not to wake up with you? to leave you by yourself yet again? your heart broke a little bit more, the unfortunate familiar feeling of loneliness you felt last night bubbling up inside you again.

"hey"

you didn't even hear yunho come in, so the sound of his voice surprised you. the loneliness faded, at least. you turned on your other side to face him, and what you saw was something you didn't expect.

he had a mild smile on his face, his arms extended as he held a beautiful tray of breakfast goods for you to indulge in. breakfast in bed? you thought that would be just for special occasions, like valentines day. but yunho wanted to do something special for you.

approaching you and setting the tray gently down on your lap as you sat up, he placed a tender kiss on your cheek.

"i'm sorry i've been letting you down recently," he murmured, his breath fanning your skin. "but i will try my very best to make it up to you."

you weren't going to let him off that easily, but you took a big bite out of a croissant as you looked up at him.

"thank you," you murmured between mouthfuls. there were not a lot of things yunho did wrong, so the fact that he took ownership when he did was quite remarkable.

this man had softened your heart, truly.

yeosang

he was ready to talk to you.

you knew it would take time. your first mistake was not giving him that time in the first place. yeosang required gentle patience, at times. you knew this, and it got you down that you didn't read your boyfriend at the time.

all you needed to do was wait for him to come to you.

and he did. tired eyes hid behind a messy fringe as he yawned and settled down next to you on the bed. there was a moment of silence, but it wasn't tense or awkward. it was... beautiful, really.

"i'm sorry for pushing you, yeo" you snaked an arm around his shoulder and brought him closer to you, "i should've given you a bit of space."

he shook his head, eyes becoming misty with emotion. he sunk naturally into your soft touch. "no, no. i'm sorry for pushing you away. i don't want you to think i don't appreciate your support, it's just-"

"you don't have to explain anything. i get it, love," you looked at him, a distinct tenderness in your eyes. he looked back at you and could see you were right. there was always a level of unspokeness between you both that made sense. you understood each other beyond words; that's why there was always an instant attraction between you both.

yeosang sank into your arms, feeling safe and comfortable. life had been getting him down recently, which is why he was upset in the first place. having you here with him made things a lot more easier to cope with. a lot more bearable. he thought that love wouldn't change him, but it turns out he was wrong. your love did change him, and for the better.

he didn't have to be alone anymore.

san

it felt clear that there were a lot of gaps in your relationship with san. a lot of holes that weren't filled that gaped over a long period of time. he felt it just as much as you did.

for this reason, you both knew without spelling it out that last night wasn't just about san getting jealous. it was an accumulation of things; a build-up of every tension, every minor inconvenience. what it all boiled down to was the very last thing he said: you looked like you were having more fun with them than you've had fun with him in a long time.

"last night was stupid" he admitted to you, biting his lip. you nodded, genuinely agreeing with him. "i just-"

he stopped himself, feeling a tightness in his chest. you felt the same way. you felt what he was feeling through his eyes, the way they ached with holding back the tears. he blinked them away and cleared his throat as you moved towards him, pulling him into a hug. you felt him exhale shakily, as he barely hugged you back. there was a disconnect.

"things haven't been good for a long time, i know" you mumbled in his ear, sighing heavily.

"i'm scared" he confessed, burying his face into the crook of your neck. breathing in your scent, he started to appreciate the softness of your skin as he grazed his cheek against your chin. it was like he remembered what it was like to fall in love with you again.

he was scared of that love fading away. slowly but surely, slipping from his grasp, out of his control. that thought feared him more than anything else in the world.

"i know," your voice sounded small now as you pulled away, looking up at him. your gazes connected and soon your lips did too. the shared kiss was scarcely a whisper of a touch, but provided the comfort that both of you needed.

mingi

mingi stared at the wall, appalled at how he handled things. his breathing was rampant and uncontrollable and he needed to settle down. squeezing his eyes shut, he caught his breath after a few moments. if he was feeling like this, he couldn't imagine what you were feeling.

but he couldn't leave you to feel it alone.

"i know i'm probably the last person you want to see" mingi's voice sounded behind you as you wiped your tears away. you turned to face him and he could see the glisten of your sadness in the dull bedroom light.

"but i can't let a night pass with you still mad at me."

that's the mingi you fell in love with. noble, loyal, and most of all, kind. there was something very rare and beautiful about mingi's heart; it was like a precious gem. you felt you didn't deserve him for so many reasons, but his heart was the reason that dominated the most.

this is why you feared he had given it to someone else.

"i just love you mingi" you collapsed in his arms, sobbing into his chest as he caught you. he wasn't expecting such an outburst of sadness from you. he expected you to be mad, angry still at his actions. but here you were, crying in his arms, as vulnerable as you could get. a tear ran down his cheek, seeing you like this.

"i love you so much y/n" he pressed hot, passionate kisses on your neck as you calmed down a bit from your crying. you whimpered into his touch; he was so sincerely captivating.

mingi held you close to him and swayed you back and forth until your cries had relinquished.

the last thing he wanted was to be the cause of your sadness.

wooyoung

wooyoung didn't wait for you to leave. he couldn't bare it. chasing after you, he grabbed hold of your wrist, swirling you around to face him. the tears in his eyes matched your own.

grasping your shoulders, he pulled you towards him in a messy hug, wrapping his arms around you tightly as your face hit his chest. you could feel his heart beating against your ear.

"i'm so sorry," he said immediately. his guilt had bubbled over him, so much so that you didn't have to ask for an apology. he was not like the other people you had dated, in that sense. he was humble. he was reflective. as much as he was stubborn at times, wooyoung sure as hell knew when he was in the wrong. and he owned it every time.

you leaned to his touch as he cried loudly. what had gotten into him? what had upset him so much? you wish he would tell you.

you pulled back and wiped his tears away with the sleeves of your hoodie. he sniffed back his sobs, barely able to meet your soft gaze. you hushed him and calmed him down; you always knew how to.

"talk to me."

there was a certain distinct magic that came with your voice. it seemed to reassure and calm wooyoung in a way that he would never have expected. it made him regret going through things on his own; made him regret pushing you away the way he did. he could've leant on you, but he chose not to. with the tender care you provided, he forgets why.

so he did talk to you. the whole night, he talked. about his feelings, about his worries, about everything that had been dragging him down, making him distant.

and you kissed his worries away, talked through all his feelings and held him close to you the whole time. because you knew he would do the exact same for you.

jongho

"oh look, it's my favourite person in the whole world. the love of my life" you drawled out, sarcasm injected into your tone as your harsh gaze fell on jongho.

"are you going to make this easy or hard?" jongho matched your defiant energy, not breaking eye contact with you.

"depends on how you're going to handle this," you seat back in your seat, putting down your phone, intrigued with how he is going to resolve the incident that had occurred.

jongho took a deep breath. it was hard for him to find the right words. sometimes his head and his heart didn't always meet, and he didn't want to fail you because of that. he chose his words wisely.

"your worries are important to me," jongho started, "i was being very selfish. i guess i was just hung up on my own job that i didn't take time to consider yours and how you feeling."

jongho lowered his head as you nodded at his words. "what you said really hurt me, jongho."

"i know," he shoved his hands in the pockets of his jacket as he reminisced on what he had said to you. "that wasn't my intention at all. that never is."

there was a moment of silence. you looked up at him from your seat as he continued to stand, before making his way to sit by you. you both perfectly slid into each other's arms for a long, overdue hug. a hug that would've felt so simple before, but now filled with complexities.

there were so many feelings in the air, but the one that was felt the most was love. love always pulled through.

tags: @handyulset, @mixling-blog, @jadejj, @starry-eyedlune, @atinyreads, @mulletjoonsupremacy, @youre-a-wallflower-charlie, @hwadump, @scuzmunkie, @strawberrysandwitch, @monstaxdirtywonk, @michel-angelhoe, @sanshinee-world, @aishidaishi, @moonbinnie0983, @fix0nbb

[anonymityisfunwriter]

Midnight Rain

“I broke his heart because he was nice. He was Sunshine, I was Midnight Rain…”

Request from ao3- "ok but imagine a grumpy/sunshine fic with sam but the reader is the grumpy one 🤷" For one of my fave readers, @/badasswithafatass I hope you enjoy! 💛

Pairing - Sam Wilson x Reader Sam Wilson Masterlist | Inspired By Taylor Swift Masterlist Anon's 1K Celebration

“You know, for a smart guy, you’re pretty fucking dense," Bucky mutters, taking another swig of his beer.

“Aw… you think I’m smart?” Sam sarcastically awes from the bar stool beside Bucky.

Bucky rolls his eyes, shaking his head, “Do you honestly think she had any real interest in me?”

Bucky doesn't miss the tick in Sam's jaw at the mention of you. Months had passed since the last time Sam saw you, and he wasn’t too keen on remembering that dreaded last night. Just the memory of you leaning over the bar counter, hand resting on Bucky’s chest, whispering something in Bucky's ear, was enough to make Sam's stomach twist into a knot.

Even before that night, he could tell that you were pulling away from him, but there it was, that night, the final nail in the coffin. That was the last time he’d seen or heard from you. You walked out of his life without so much as a goodbye.

Sam rolls his shoulders back, his mouth twisting in distaste, “Sure seemed like it to me.”

“See? Dense,” Bucky declares, tipping his beer in Sam's direction.

“Alright, I’ll bite. How does any of that make me dense?”

“You’re an idiot.”

“Are you going to keep insulting me or are you going to actually explain?”

“Sam, she’s a spy, an assassin," Bucky explains like it should be obvious. "She knew you were standing there. She knew you were watching.”

"So maybe she wanted to make a point. It’s not like she was one for talking or communicating, maybe that was her way of letting me know how she actually felt. Trust me, I got the message loud and clear. That doesn’t make me dense."

"Sam..." Bucky takes a long breath. "We're a lot alike, me and her. And people like us, we cut and run, it's what we do. We don't wait for things to go bad, we live with the expectation that things will always go bad."

Sam tosses the rest of his whiskey back, flagging down the bartender for another one. "That's a depressing way to live."

“It keeps us alive.”

“We weren’t on a battlefield!" Sam spits through gritted teeth. "We were done with the fight, remember? We won, for Christ’s sake!”

“And where did that leave her, Sam? With a conditional pardon? People watching us 24/7?”

“With me!” Sam snaps, slamming his glass down on the bar. “It left her with me. We were good, Bucky! We were happy together. At least, I thought we were happy together. I even- I told her that after everything, that I would take her back home, meet my family, maybe settle down a little.”

"And while you're thinking about taking her home to meet your family, she's probably thinking how a family like yours is going to react to you bringing an actual assassin home."

"I... didn't think about it like that,” Sam confesses, faltering for a moment. He shakes his head. No. He refuses to accept that. It didn't excuse that he'd found you flirting with his best friend. It didn't change that you told him he meant nothing to you. “Because I don't think about her like that. And you know what? She could've talked to me, she could've told me she felt like that, Bucky, but she didn't."

"Sam, can I be honest?"

"Shoot."

"I don't think you two will ever work."

"That's a shitty thing to say to me," Sam spits.

"I don't," Bucky admits with a languid shrug. "Honest truth, I don't see it."

"You don't have to see it, I do,” Sam firmly states. “I see it working out."

Bucky claps a hand on Sam's shoulder with a tight lipped smile, "That's my point, Sam. That's the difference between you and us. You, you live for the hope of it all. She doesn't know how to do that. I don't know how to do that. We're broken, haunted people, Sam. We hurt people that get too close."

"You're wrong."

"Why else-"

"Because she was bored!" Sam angrily shouts, not caring at the stares his outburst brings. "She only wanted me because I was there."

“Do you honestly believe that?”

“Yes. I do believe that,” Sam hisses. “Unlike you guys, I believe the words that come out of people’s mouth. She was bored... She was bored and I was there.”

Bucky takes a long pull from his beer, rising from his seat with a defeated sigh. He turns to Sam to offer one last piece of insight, “All I’m saying is I wouldn’t go on the run with someone for two years because I was bored. Not unless I really gave a shit about them. Not unless I loved them, like really loved them.”

"Do you mean that?" Sam asks over his shoulder.

"Yeah, I mean that."

--

3 Years Earlier - Somewhere in Scotland

“Just let me do the talking, okay?”

Sam raises up his hands, “No arguments from me.”

The doorknob rattles for a moment, opening just enough for you to stand before them. You look at them and immediately try to snap the door shut, “No.”

Nat extends out her hand to stop the door from swinging shut. “Just hear us-“

“No.”

"You don't even know why we're here," Nat argues. “It’s important. Please.”

You relent, allowing the door to fling open. Standing tall in the doorway, your eyes rake over each of them, “Steve Rogers, Natasha Romanov or whatever name you’re going by now, and Sam Wilson, all in the flesh, all the most wanted fugitives on Earth. So I don’t care how important it is, my answer is no.”

Sam’s eyes comically widen, his voice taking a slightly bewildered, high pitched tone, “How did - Do you happen to know the names of all strangers that show up at your door?”

Your eyes dart over to Sam with a grimace, “Strangers that show up at my door end up dead. Consider yourself lucky.”

“I want you to know I’m choosing to take that as a compliment,” Sam quips, placing his hand over his heart. 

“Don’t worry, Sam," Natasha smirks over her shoulder. "She’s more bark than bite. And this is me calling in a favor.”

Your eyes narrow at Natasha, "Which favor?"

"Budapest."

Your mouth narrows into a thin line as you glare at her. You hated that favor.

You look back at the three of them. Even dressed in street clothes they all stuck out like sore thumbs. They’re all disheveled, clearly exhausted, and you did owe Natasha. You convince yourself that there is no good in this deed, it’s just a repayment. Even as your eyes linger back to Sam for a second too long. You tell yourself you don't care what happens to any of them. It's just paying a debt. “Fine. Just keep me out of it.”

Natasha nods, offering a small grateful smile, “Thank you.”

You turn on your heels without another word, striding down to your room. You slam your bedroom door shut, leaving the others on their own.

“It was nice meeting you,” Sam calls after you.

You don’t bother to reply.

After a few hours, the sun sets and your safe house returns back to its normal quiet state except for the soft snores of Steve Rogers in your spare bedroom. You’re certain that they’ve all gone off to get some rest. That is, everyone, except Sam Wilson.

“Have a good nap?” Sam greets you, sitting on the small couch in the middle of your living room.

Your eyes snap over to Sam, lightly scoffing, “Actually, I was avoiding you.”

Your brutal honestly doesn’t phase Sam. The corner of his mouth twitches up as he playfully tugs on the collar of his t-shirt, “I tend to have that effect on the ladies… That sounded better in my head.”

“For you and me both,” you quip.

“You know, you’re kind of a jackass.”

“I know. Thanks.” That's the only conversation you plan on having with Sam Wilson. You continue walking to the kitchen without saying anything else.

"So how long have you and Nat been friends?" Sam asks, trailing you as you walk to your kitchen, clearly not taking the hint that you don't want to talk to him.

You scoff over your shoulder, "Who said we were friends?"

"So you're not friends? Because the whole letting us hide out here, housing us, letting us eat your food, not turning us in, sorta gave me a different idea."

"We're not friends."

In truth, your relationship to Natasha was much more complex than that. At one point, you were like sisters. In the Red Room, she was all you had. Your only friend. Your confidante. And still, you could never quite live up to her, always second to her. You knew all her secrets, all the blood spilt, all the skeletons in her closet, and she knew all of yours.

The night before your graduation, you ran. As far away and as quickly as your legs could carry you.

You were never quite sure if it was irony or simply Dreykov’s own cruelty, but she was the one tasked to find you and collect you. You never stood much of a chance against the person that spent almost two decades besting you. She found you in Budapest. It would’ve taken a single shot. And still, it never came.

But you weren’t going to tell that to Sam.

"You're not friends?”

"No."

After that, your paths crossed only once in a blue moon. Once Natasha left Dreykov, she never sought you out. And you didn’t bother to either. You weren’t friends. You weren’t enemies. She was the sister that became little more than a stranger.

"Do you help all your not friends run from the law?"

"Natalia and I have an agreement of ... mutually assured destruction."

"Mutually assured destruction?" he dubiously repeats, quirking an eyebrow. "...So best friends."

In spite of your best efforts, your outwardly stoic expression gives way as a chuckle bubbles out of your mouth.

"Did anyone see that?” Sam proudly announces to the empty house. “I want it on the record that I made a Black Widow laugh!"

"Don't push it," you warn, though the hint of a smile that pulls at the corner of your mouth dampens the threatening undertone of your words.

"You've got a nice smile," Sam compliments.

You wipe the smile off your face, but there's nothing you can do to tame the slight blush creeping up your face, so you say the first thing that comes to mind, "Fuck off."

--

That's how it went between you and him. Push and pull.

Their time at your safe house in Scotland was short lived. No more than a few weeks. And even in those few short weeks, he saw it, saw the good that you desperately tried to keep hidden. Even then he knew, he knew you cared so much more than you would ever let on. Cooped up in your little cottage, he found that behind your barbed words and tough exterior, was a person that he really liked. You didn't let him see very much of it. Most of the time, it was in little slip ups, little cracks in your armor, but he saw it. He swore he did.

Sam ambles alone through the streets of New York, the pavement is still damp from the midnight rain, the noisy cityscape is the only thing keeping Sam from fixating on the endless loop of memories playing in his head.

He’d be lying if he said that he didn’t think about you anymore. He did. All the time.

He thinks about how good it used to be. How even on the run, constantly looking over your shoulder, it was good. He'd like to think you were as happy as he was.

In truth, he wasn't sure how or when it happened. You weren't very nice to him - to any of them really. You kept them at arm's length. He had to earn every glimpse of the person behind the armor. He had to earn every smile, every laugh, but he found each one was worth it. To him, you were worth it. You were worth all of it. 

And when that time came, when that safe house wasn't safe anymore, you stayed by his side, you became his home. 

--

You simply walked up to the breakfast table and announced that it wasn't safe to stay much longer. "You have to leave."

"What?"

"We've been here too long. People in town are beginning to talk."

Natasha didn't miss a beat. "How long?"

"Tonight."

Sam watches the interaction closely. You refuse to look at him. For a moment, Natasha's eyes look at you, imploring. She utters a quiet question in Russian.

You don't respond, only shaking your head once.

"I understand." She softly inhales, her shoulders slumping slightly, "Thank you."

You nod, turning on your heels and heading to your room. You didn't expect Sam to follow after you.

There's some part of you that's unsettled by how easily Sam fits into your life. You don't like how he speaks to you like you're friends. You don't like that there's a part of you that would love to know what being in Sam's life would feel like. And you most certainly don't like that Sam has no problem questioning you. Prying into your life. He won't like what he finds. He'll run the moment he sees the number of skeletons in your closet. No, you don't like that at all. 

And you definitely don't like that he feels comfortable enough to follow you back to your bedroom. He wedges himself into your doorway, leaning against the wall, "So what about you?"

You don't turn to look at him as you pack your duffle bag, "What about me?"

"Where you gonna go?"

"I have other places."

"By yourself?"

"Typically."

"Why don't you stay with us?"

You pretend like you're surprised by the offer. As though Natasha didn't offer the same thing two minutes ago. You just didn't expect Sam's kindness to extend past his need for your safe house. "What?"

He takes a step off the wall. Even turned away from him, you can practically hear the grin he wears in his words. "We could always use the help. You seem like kind of a pro at being a fugitive."

"I don't think your team would appreciate my presence."

"I would. I want you to come." Sam turns back at the doorframe. He pauses for a moment, looking back at you. "You should come with us."

--

You never told him why you ended up joining them. It was the one question he couldn't ever get a straight answer for.

He couldn't really remember how or when you ended up in his bed - or more accurately, when he ended up in your bed.

All he knew was that for two years, you were his sanctuary. Each and every night. He held you. Kissed away your fears. You allowed him to see parts of you that you buried long ago. 

It made the moment you walked away hurt even more. 

He doesn't know what the hell he's doing here. He's pacing through the streets of New York in the middle of the night. It won't bring you back. It won't change what happened. You still left him.

It was easier believing that you left him because you didn't love him. 

The other option hurts. It hurts too much. His heart almost shatters at the though of you leaving him because you didn't see it working out, because you thought you would hurt him. 

That's the worst part - he believes Bucky. He believes that no one, not even someone as prone to finding trouble as you are, would ever go on the run with someone for the hell of it. Not unless you cared. Not unless you loved him. 

He should've seen it. The panic in your eyes when he suggested going back to Louisiana. The pain when you lost Natasha, the last person you considered family. 

It eats at him. He didn't even try. Not really. Yeah, you walked away, but he could've gone after you. He could've believed in the love he knew you shared. 

He reaches for his phone, tucking into the crook of his neck as he hails a cab, and calls the one person that could possibly help him, "I need your help. Can you find someone for me?"

--

1 Year Earlier - Somewhere in Eastern Europe

“Stop watching me sleep.”

Sam kisses your bare shoulder, resting his chin on your arm, “It’s the only time you’re not frowning. Except when you’re with me, of course.”

You sleepily sigh, trying to suppress the smile that Sam so effortlessly puts on your face. You halfheartedly push him away, rolling further away from him, “I’m going back to sleep.”

Sam’s arms wrap around you, pulling you closer to him, “No, come back.”

“We’ve got a lot to do tomorrow, we should get the rest while we can.”

“I miss you,” Sam whines.

“I’m right here.”

“But we’re always talking about work, about the world ending, I just - I just want a minute, just me and you.”

You finally turn around to face him with a cheeky grin, “You had me to yourself all night, remember?”

“How could I forget?”

You settle against him, resting your head on his chest, “So why couldn’t you sleep?”

He smiles down at you, absentmindedly playing with your fingers, “I was thinking.”

“About?” you urge.

“What comes next. After the fight, after everything, about going home, finally seeing my family again. My sister would love you. I can't wait to introduce you."

Your smile slips from your face. "What?"

"I mean, I know we're on the run and everything, but I'm still holding onto hope," Sam confesses. "You'd love Louisiana."

A sinking feeling overtakes you. Those survival instincts you've spent your entire life cultivating bubble up. You could see Sam's family picture where he left it on the dresser. His picture perfect, shiny family.

That wasn't you. Not even in your wildest dreams could that be you. The closest thing you had to a family was the Black Widow sitting in the other room cleaning her knives. You weren't meant for domesticity. You weren't built for the happy ending that Sam deserved. The happy ending he wanted. 

Sure, he loved you now, but would he love you when his family looks at you with disdain? Would he love you when Sarah refuses to let you anywhere near his nephews? 

Or even worse, what if he did? What if he loved you through it all and you broke him in return? What if he loved you and he lost everything else because of it?

You could tell Sam. Right here and now. Tell him that you weren't built for that life. He would listen. He would hear you. Like all of your other scars and imperfections, Sam would take it in stride. You knew he would. 

But could you really do that to him? Doom him to a life tethered to someone so tainted.

He was perfect. In every conceivable way. He was Sunshine. And though you'd done unspeakable things, there would be nothing quite as vile as dragging him down to the dim, murky depths of the wasteland you called home.

He deserved more. More than you would ever be. 

--

6 Months Ago - A Bar in New York City

"You don't have to do this."

You bitterly chuckle. It was too late. You'd made up your mind. You gave yourself until the war against Thanos was won. You gave yourself that time to say your silent goodbyes, to memorize the one and only love you would ever allow yourself to have. You were selfish in that way.

Now was the time to save Sam while you still could, to finally set him free. Even if you had to break his heart to do it. You rest your hand on Bucky's chest, the furthest you could allow yourself to go without making your stomach turn. "Do what?"

Bucky's jaw ticks, "He's a good man."

"I know." It's the only time your voice reveals even an ounce of your pain. Your eyes flicker to over Bucky's shoulder. It's too late. Sam stands a few feet from you, watching you with anguish in his eyes. For good measure, you lean in closer, whispering in Bucky's ear, "But I never did well with sunshine."

"Can I talk to you outside?" Sam demands. 

You roll your eyes and snort, "If we have to."

"We do."

Sam doesn't waste a single moment. The second you step outside, he points back to the bar, "What the hell was that?"

"What are you talking about?"

"Are you kidding me? I saw you. You were all over him. He's my friend!"

"I was just having a little fun, Sam."

"A little fun?" Sam scoffs. "Are you kidding me?"

You don't allow a single ounce of remorse to show. You don't allow him to see the regret. Your face is purposely blank, cold and uncaring. You were good at this part. You were good at hurting people. It's exactly why you have to let him go. "I don't see what the big deal is, Sam."

"You don't see what the big deal is?" Sam's voice wavers. "You were just coming onto my friend! What about us?"

"What about us?" you scoff. "I was bored, Sam, we had our fun but it's done now. We're not on the run anymore. It's not a big deal."

"Just like that, we're just done?"

"You were there, Sam," you lie through your teeth. Acid churns in your stomach, rising up through your esophagus and coating your every word. "There's nothing more to it, nothing more to us."

You'd done a lot of bad things in your life, but nothing made you feel quite as wretched as watching Sam's heart shatter before you. It was better this way. He didn't know it, but it was for the best. You couldn't ruin his life anymore. You couldn't hurt him if you walked away right now. Those were the last words you ever said to him. 

--

He did it. He couldn't believe it. He'd found you. There you were, standing out on a rooftop, out in the pouring midnight rain. He almost laughs because of course you wouldn't even realize how theatrical this whole scene was. "Do you realize how dramatic it is to be standing out in the pouring rain all by yourself? And without an umbrella?"

"I'm working, Sam."

"Shooting your next romantic comedy? Is this the breakup scene?"

You don't even turn to look at him. “You shouldn’t be here, Sam.”

Sam scoffs, “That’s all you have to say? That I shouldn’t be here?”

“Go home, Sam," you demand. "I don’t want you here.”

“You’re such a jackass, you know that?”

It pisses him off that you still refuse to even look at him. If you were going to break his heart all over again, the least you could do was look him in the eye. You speak through clenched teeth, "I know."

He storms around, planting himself in front of you, forcing you to look at him. "No, I mean that, I really, truly, from the bottom of my heart, I mean that. You're such an asshole. You're one of the most difficult, abrasive, cold, and selfish people I've ever met."

You can't bring yourself to meet his gaze. You look just past him, mustering every ounce of your training to stay stone faced, "I know."

"Do you know how hard it was to find you?"

"I didn't ask you to come here," you spit at him. "I didn't want you to come looking for me. You knew that."

"And you're a liar!" Sam exclaims, a bitter laugh bubbling up from his chest. "A damned good one, too."

"I never lied to you about who or what I was."

"But you did lie, didn't you? You've lied to me before."

“Yes, I have," you softly admit. You catch yourself, reminding yourself of why you're being so harsh with Sam. You force yourself to speak with that venomous tone you know all too well, "Many times, so if you’re done insulting me, I have to go.”

"God, you're so selfish, and- and you're mean! You brood way too much. You're so fucking angsty all the time. You act like the tortured character in every shitty teen movie every made. You're inconsiderate. You don't listen. I swear, talking to you is like talking to a brick wall. And sometimes - sometimes, I want to hate you so much."

It takes everything in you to sound as unaffected as you do. You quirk an eyebrow at him, crossing your arms over your chest, "Is that why you came here? Because you're upset?"

"Upset?" Sam incredulously repeats, taking a step toward you. He's still several feet away from you, still far out of your reach, "No, I'm not upset. I was upset six months ago. Now, I'm angry. I'm pissed off - with you. I have never been so mad at another human being in my entire life."

"I didn't do anything to you. You knew who I was - who I am."

"You think that's why I'm pissed? I'm pissed because you made me like you. I'm pissed that you made me fall so hopelessly in love with you."

For the first time in six months, your eyes find his. His warm eyes, the ones that grounded you through storms of midnight rain. He'd never said he loved you before - there's no taking that back. You suck in a breath, "Sam."

"I'm pissed because I believed you when you said you were bored. But mostly, I'm pissed that I let you go, that I let you walk away without fighting for you."

You try to warn him, beg him to stop before he says something that'll make it too hard to walk away from him. "Sam."

"Because I'm in love with you."

Your voice wavers as you beg him, "Don't do this, Sam."

"I'm in love with you," Sam announces again to his audience of one. "And I know you don't think you're good for me. And I know that it won't be easy, but I am. I am in love with you. Every part of you. Especially the parts you don't like. I like that you're mean, I like that you're tougher than any other person I've ever met, I like that you're grumpy. I like that you don't see how dramatic it is to stand in the pouring rain all by yourself! I love you. I love all of you."

"Sam..." His name leaves your mouth in a whisper. It's too late. You're not strong enough to survive walking away from him. He's doomed himself.

He takes a step closer to you. "And maybe it wasn't real... but I think it was. I think you feel the same." And then another step. And yet another. Until you're face to face, close enough that you could reach out and touch him for the first time in months. The rain beats down on the two of you. The dampness on your cheeks has nothing to do with the rain. "Tell me that you don't love me and I'll leave. Tell me and I won't bother you again, I promise."

You can't. You can't bring yourself to say any of it. "Sam, it'll never work for us. You have to know that."

"We're not at war anymore." His hand skates across your cheek. "We don't have to hide. We don't have to run."

"I'm not - I'm not good, Sam." And you are, you want to say.

“No, no, you’re not good. You’re great. You’re amazing. And it’s a damn shame you haven’t stepped into the daylight long enough to see how incredible you are.”

You jerk your face away from his hand, “And what if I can’t give you what you want? What if I can’t be what you want?”

“What do you know about what I want?”

“You want a bride. You want someone to bring home to your family - that’s not me, Sam. I don’t think that’ll ever be me.”

“I want you." Sam takes your face in between both hands, begging you to see the sincerity in his eyes. "I want you in whatever way you’ll have me.”

“I’m not worth it," you softly exhale. "You have to know that I’m not worth the trouble and the heartache I’ll put you through.”

“Break my heart," Sam offers without hesitation. "Do it over and over again. Do it for the rest of our lives. It’s all yours. You’re worth it.”

“Sam…” You didn’t have any other defense. He’d broken down each and every argument you spent years cultivating. You didn’t know where to go from here.

“Do you love me?” Your lips press into a thin line, eyes squeezing shut to keep the tears welling in your eyes from falling. The rain slows to a halt. His thumb and pointer finger grip your chin, forcing you to meet his warm brown eyes. “Do you love me?”

“I love you.” You don't think you've ever said those words before. You don't think you've ever seen the daylight until you saw him. It'll take time for your eyes to adjust, but he's worth it. "I love you so much it hurts, so much that I let you go."

“You don't have to let me go anymore. We'll figure the rest out together."

Sam Wilson Masterlist AnonymityIsFun Masterlist Inspired By Taylor Swift Masterlist

As always, let me know what you think! Reblogs and comments are always appreciated! 💛

Taglist: @marianita195 @meli18gonzalez@ludicbouquetfromearth@matchat3a@famousbreadcherryblossomsstuff@valoraxx@blue786sworld@buckyandgeraltsupremacy@geminigengar@ansaturn@ecolle@lexhalstead3@ybflkmj@mediocre-daydreams@shanye1112@thegirlnextdoorssister@toomanyfanficsbruh@moonlightreader649@breathtaking-cynthia@mirikusashes@beans-and-toast@niyahcoca@katiechikin@elxvrr@antiheroxsblog@infamouslyclumsy@krissydclayton93@buckysbarne@deadheadwbedhead @qualitygiantshoepsychic@whitexwolfxx310 @getosprettyboy

[ponett]

with the fallout of bandai namco's idiotic "it's up to interpretation" bs, do you think that it's possible to enjoy queer media made in a corporate environment in addition to independent works? is it even worthwhile to attempt making queer media in a corporate environment? i find it special how well the g-witch production team managed to tell the story they wanted even with the challenges and pressures they faced, but i have to admit that independent works like slarpg are always going to more completely tell queer stories. as someone who has resonated with both slarpg and g-witch, i was curious to know your perspective.

i'm probably less cynical about this than a lot of my peers are - not that i can blame anyone for feeling cynical about queer rep from corporate-owned media. (we've been through so many First Ever Gay Disney Characters at this point, and lord knows blizzard loves to tease that another overwatch character might be gay every year or so as a PR move.) unfortunately it's just extremely hard to get something like a full season of an animated series funded and produced independently, so the artists looking to enter these fields and pour their hearts and souls into meaningful queer stories as a full-time job don't have many options

going indie gives you theoretically endless creative freedom to tell your stories without corporate censorship, but it's also a massive gamble. only an extreme minority of indie creatives in any medium are actually able to make a living. the fact that i came out the other side of slarpg's development with enough money that i can keep being a full-time indie instead of being in massive debt makes me one of the lucky ones. and even with my modest success, i sure as hell don't have the money to hire a whole team, which limits the scope of what i can make. so i can't turn my nose up at the queer people writing disney channel cartoons where they can't say the word "gay" out loud. they have health insurance, i don't. for most people, what i do is simply not an option

with the corporate-produced Queer Stories i enjoy, i'm often able to squint and see what the creatives were trying to do, wishing that they could have done more while understanding that they probably had to fight tooth and nail for what's there

in the realm of children's animation in particular, i'm thankful that the people working at these studios ARE fighting for more, because it means that kids today have so many more positive queer stories to relate with. i didn't have a single gay character i felt i could relate to until i read scott pilgrim at age 16 and saw wallace wells. before that, i felt so alone in the world. i denied who i was for years because it felt like there would be no place for me. i didn't know anyone openly gay in real life, growing up in the south, and in fiction gay people either existed as the butt of a joke or not at all. the fact that queer kids are now able to see people like themselves in so many shows means something, even if we still have a long way to go and the big studios continue to be a major obstacle

on the subject of g-witch, i'm honestly unfazed by the statement from bandai-namco. i guess i wish they could've let suletta and miorine kiss, but like... the text of the show is extremely blunt about them being a couple by the end. it's not up for debate. and it's not like a gundam series having a meaningful story in spite of the wishes of the toy-producing overlords is anything new, this is just our latest example

all that being said, i do think people should branch out more and explore more weird indie shit if they want more wholeheartedly, openly queer stories. people gotta suck it up and embrace more outsider art instead of only valuing things with studio-level production values. start looking at ren'py visual novels, rpg maker games, obscure webcomics, zines drawn in sharpie, artists on bandcamp who aren't signed to a label, all that jazz. maybe part of the reason why i'm not more fazed by the state of affairs with corporate-funded fiction is that i'm constantly surrounded by furry artists who are telling their own little gay stories

[cevansbrat0007]

The Lonely Hearts Club: Part Two

Summary: Full Story! Breaking up with Andrew Barber is hard to do. You of all people should know, considering you just tried. Now what? Read Part One.

Warnings: Mature Themes, Angst, Discussions of Break-ups, Fun with Exes, Jealousy, Andy Being a Menace, Confident Reader, Eventual Smut, Cursing, Expect Additional Future Warnings, Minors DNI

A/N: Dedicated to @atkissoflife, @that-one-anxious-mango, and @piscesmermaidprincess. This multi-part fic features a combination of requests from the likes of @writer84, @lexivass, @moejdaw, and several others. It is also, part of my ongoing Growing Pains Series. All mistakes are my own. Likes, comments, and reblogs are appreciated.

___

February 15th - 12:25am - Los Angeles, CA

Wow. Just...wow.

You stare down at your phone as you wait for the bartender to bring you your check. While you had initially been prepared for Andy to be upset over your note, as well as your pretty abrupt departure, you certainly hadn't expected this.

If anything, he seemed almost...unbothered. By all of it. Granted, it was sometimes hard to gauge a person's tone via text. But you'd also been in a relationship with the man for the better part of six freaking months! At this point, one could argue that you were practically fluent in Andrew Barber and all of his fucking moods.

The guy was up to something, without a doubt. Which meant that you were now officially on high alert. Because your man - your ex - had never been the type to play fair.

Especially where you were concerned. You should've known that it was gonna take a hell of a lot more than a handwritten letter and a box of artisanal muffins to knock some sense into his stubborn ass.

"Argh! You are such a fucking ogre, Andrew!" You groan, burying your face in your hands. "Why can't you ever make things easy?"

The next time you look up it's to see the bartender returning with your credit card. She goes to hand it over, only for you to interrupt her mid-sentence.

What was her name again? You could've sworn it started with a "D".

"Sorry, I know I said I was ready to close out. But since men are stupid, I think I'm gonna need another margarita. Quite possibly two."

Delta gives you a sympathetic nod before pocketing your card once more. "You got it, sweetie. Still want sugar instead of salt?"

"Yes, please." You mumble, reminding yourself that it was okay to feel annoyed. Because you were. This was supposed to be your time, damn it. You deserved to take some space for yourself!

Even if it meant sitting alone at a hotel bar, missing the one person you loved more than anything, the day after motherfucking Valentine's Day. Cheers, bitches.

___

Two Weeks Later – Somewhere in Downtown Boston

Andrew Barber stares blankly at his computer screen, mindlessly tapping his index finger against his temple as a fresh wave of anger courses through his veins. 

He’d been so good the last two weeks. So patient and understanding. He’d given you your space, just like you’d asked. Never intruding with the exception of the text he shot off that night.

Even when he’d come across your latest Instagram post from a few days ago showing off your apparent date with another man. Some pretentious looking fucker who went by Russell Cromwell. You two had looked real cozy while sharing a plate full of Birria tacos. And then you’d posed outside of the restaurant with your arms wrapped around his waist. 

But the real kicker had been the last photo in the carousel. The one where you’d kissed him on the cheek – when you’d done the “knee thing” that actresses used to do in those old black and white movies you loved to watch so much.

Oh yeah. The two of you would be having a discussion about that one real soon. His wayward Baby Girl could count on that shit. 

Honestly, you had no idea how hard falling back had been for him. It had been a real struggle. Because at his core, Andrew Barber was a man of action. He was well-known for his cunning and mental prowess. This was a man who had graduated at the top of his class, who had then gone on to become the youngest District Attorney in the city of Boston’s history. 

And in times of crisis, he was someone you could count on to remain calm and collected while you worked towards a solution. Nothing could shake him, save for the trial and media circus that had briefly surrounded his late son. 

After that particular tragedy, Andy had resigned himself to being alone. Forever. He often tried to convince himself that he preferred it that way. Andrew Barber didn’t do love. Not after what happened with his ex-wife, Laurie. He was better off living a life of no commitment. 

Even if it meant a lot of lonely nights filled with a seemingly endless revolving door of meaningless one-night stands. 

And then he’d met you. 

Yes, you.

The woman who had somehow, against all odds, brought magic back into his life. Your laugh, your smile, your very presence – it colored his whole goddamn world. He told you that all of the time, and yet it was almost as if you didn’t believe him.

At first, he was convinced that you were too good to be true. Although he’d been quickly dispelled of that notion when you’d had the balls to walk out on him during your very first date. It’s quite possible that he’d fallen for you right then – because you were the type of woman who knew her worth.

By then, Andy had become convinced that you were a gift from the universe. The way he saw it, after everything he’d been through, he was owed you. You were the woman of his dreams – his very salvation – all wrapped up in a curvy little package. And when you ran that night, it called to the primal part of him that felt compelled to give chase. 

Just like now.

But what you had yet to understand was that, once a man like Andrew Barber had deemed you his forever, there was no going back. There was no letting you go. No means of escape.

At most, he’d been granted you a temporary reprieve. You both needed time to assess the situation, survey the damage, and then calculate your next move. 

And sweetness, you’d already played your hand when you’d left that little note skipped town under the pretense of taking a fucking business trip.

Fine. Now it was on him. And while you still held most of the cards, that certainly didn’t mean that Andrew Barber was walking around without an ace or two in his back pocket. And you had better believe that he was more than ready to play his own. 

But first…he needed some fucking coffee. And lucky for him, he knew just where he could find the perfect cup – shot of chocolate, dash of cinnamon, hold the whip. 

___

Forty Minutes Later – Monarch Media Group (20 Minutes Outside Downtown Boston)

You lean back in your chair and rub your tired eyes. For the life of you, you simply couldn’t seem to focus today. Or any other day for the matter.

Even though it had been almost a week since you’d returned from your trip to L.A., you still felt just as conflicted about things with Andrew Barber as you did before you’d left. And not only that, but you also found yourself feeling on edge about the entire situation.

Because after your brief text exchange the morning of February 15th, he’d left you alone. The most impatient man you’d ever encountered this side of Boston had actually found it within himself to respect your wishes. 

No calls. No texts. No emails. Not even so much as a fucking smoke signal.

And while part of you was pleased with that particular development, there was no denying the fact that you missed your Big Man. 

You could be woman enough to admit it. You missed the hell out the handsome, grumpy-faced district attorney who, up until recently, had been a major mainstay in your life. But after some serious soul searching and a generous amount of tequila, you’d come to the conclusion that it was important for you to get your mind right before moving forward with anything.

You owed it to yourself to figure out who you were outside of your relationship with Andy – needed it even. Because that man was a force to be reckoned with. He could be so dominant sometimes, his personality so completely all-consuming that it was easy to lose yourself in him. 

To allow yourself to become so entirely eclipsed by his brilliant shadow. Which is something that could absolutely happen the moment you stopped paying attention to your own wants, and needs, and desires.

And if that ever were to happen, part of you wondered whether or not you would be able to find your way back. Honestly, you had no idea.

Because after all of this, if you chose to be with him…it would mean that you were all-in. There was no other option with him.

That beautifully stubborn man didn’t have a lower setting.   

However, the last thing you’d ever expected was for Mr. Andrew “My Way or the Highway” Barber to go quietly into that good night. Well, suppose you shouldn’t look a gift horse in the mouth. Because if anything he could very well be planning–

Your inner musings are interrupted by Anya, your favorite receptionist at Monarch Media Group. Granted, she was also the only receptionist at the company you’d worked for over the last several years, but that was neither here nor there.

Anya gives you a knowing look before taking a seat on the edge of your desk. “Hi, friend.” She lightly pokes your shoulder. “How ya doin?”

“I’m okay.” You blow out a breath and then decide to exit out of your Outlook. “What’s up?”

“Oh…nothing much.” You watch as your friend and coworker helps herself to a piece of chocolate sitting in a nearby dish. 

“Okay.”

“I just stopped by to tell you that your coffee has arrived.” She dutifully unwraps it before popping it in her mouth.

“What?”

You hadn’t ordered any coffee. You didn’t usually even drink the stuff this late in the day. Unless…

“Yep. And just so happens, it was hand-delivered by the handsomest door-dasher I ever did see.” Anya pokes your shoulder again. “I would’ve accepted it on your behalf, but the guy insists on giving it to you himself. Probably angling for a tip if you ask me.” She throws you a conspiratorial wink for good measure.

Speak of the devil. Hello, Mr. Andrew “Check Out My Shit Timing” Barber.

“Ugh.” You bury your head in your hands to muffle your cry of frustration. “Can you please just tell him I’m not here?”

“I’m afraid I already let that cat out of the bag. But by the look on your face and the way you’re rocking back and forth like a human pinball, I take it I shouldn’t have done that.”

“No!” 

“Did you and Andy like…break up…or something?” Anya pauses as she reaches for another piece of candy, her hand hovering in mid-air.

No, Anya. I always feel like jumping out the nearest window. I’m fucking squirrley like that.

“Yes. No. I don’t know.” You wail. “It’s just…it’s just really fucking complicated, okay?” 

“Gotcha. So…about the coffee…” 

“I’m going. I’m going.” You stand up in a huff, wishing you knew where you put the ponytail holder that had been on your wrist just this morning. “But if he pisses me off, I’m dumping that shit on his shoes. Hot or not. I do not care.”

“Okay, but if it comes to that can you please try to do it off company property? I’m all for you handling your business, but I’m also thinking about all the paperwork I’m gonna have to do if you accidentally injure one of the city’s hottest attorneys.”

“Fuck you.” You grumble as you stalk towards the front of the office to confront the annoying asshole who also happened to be the love of your life. 

“What can I say? I’m a selfish bitch.” She chirps, blowing you a kiss.

“Your words not mine. And stay the hell out of my chocolate, you mooch!” You call out as you turn the corner, fully intending to give the Boston D.A. a piece of your mind before you politely, and very firmly, shoved him out the door. 

Because if that man thought that he could just waltz right into your place of business and act like he owned everything and everyone, then he was sorely mistaken. You were going to prove to him, and whoever the hell’s job it was to oversee this whole godforsaken cosmos, that you knew how to stand your ground.  

The sight of him standing right there in the lobby is easily enough to temporarily rob you of all reasonable thought. His back is to you, giving you the brief opportunity to give him a thorough once-over. His tailored white dress shirt is rolled up at the sleeves, exposing his brawny forearms. But what really draws your attention are his slate gray slacks, which only serves to highlight his perfectly sculpted backside. 

He looked good. Nobody deserved to look that damned good, least of all your ex-boyfriend. 

Wait. Is that – is that what he was now? Is…is that how all of this worked? Fuck! 

You note the lack of tension in his broad shoulders. All things considered, he seemed pretty relaxed. But the real question was…how long could it be expected to last?

Andy picks that moment to turn around, his bright blue eyes locking with your own as an eager grin slowly spreads its way across his handsome features. You take a steadying breath and choose to ignore it. 

“Andrew.” You exhale, trying your best to appear unaffected by his presence. It was a lie, of course. But if you managed to keep this unexpected interaction short and sweet, you just might be able to pull it off. “Wh–what are you doing here?”

“Hi.” He cocks his head to the side as he drinks you in, almost as if he’s amused by your disgruntled demeanor.

“Hello.” You cross your arms over your chest, wishing that you had chosen to wear a different sweater today. Andy loved you in this color, especially because of how it paired with your particular skin tone. 

“Happy Wednesday, baby.” 

God, he really needed to lose that stupid smile. Otherwise, how on earth were you supposed to maintain your composure? 

“Sure.”

“Brought you something.” Andy holds out one of the cups of coffee he’s carrying. “Figured you might be able to use a little pick-me-up.” 

“Thanks, but I’m good.” You tell him with a shake of your head. 

“What? Since when?” He rears back before offering up a playful pout. “We always get coffee together on Wednesdays. It’s our thing…our little afternoon delight.” This time you’re treated to a wink.

“Shh!” You hiss, bridging the distance between your bodies to slap a hand across his mouth. “Don’t say that!” 

The last thing you needed was someone to overhear that and think you two used to sneak away sometimes in the afternoon to…to well…you know. Some of the people you worked with possessed very vivid imaginations.

And besides, that whole afternoon delight business had only happened once or twice. Okay, quite possibly four and a half times – and then one more after that. 

Amusement sparkles in his gaze as he stares you down. And then you feel the faint flick of his tongue brush across your palm. When you don’t react he does it again, this time following it up with an exaggerated groan. 

You immediately jerk your hand away as if you’ve just been burned. Knowing that things were only bound to get worse, you snatch one of the coffees before grabbing his arm and dragging him outside and into the unseasonably warm weather. 

Thank goodness for small favors.

The smell of spring was definitely in the air these days, but all you can focus on is the sound of Andy’s laughter trailing behind you. Frankly, it’s enough to set your teeth on edge. Even still, he allows you to lead him down the street. At some point there’s a slight shift that results in your relinquishing his arm so that he can lace his fingers through yours.   

But you'll allow it if it means that he’ll behave for as long as it takes to make it to your destination. Which just so happens to be an empty bench located at the edge of a nearby park.

To his credit, the attractive buttface at your side doesn’t say anything during your impromptu power walk, but he also doesn’t need to. Because after two long weeks without you, the man was probably venturing into serious touch-starved territory. 

You knew it. And so did he. So part of you didn’t see the harm in giving him this one, small thing.  

Relief fills you when you finally reach the bench. Of course Andy sits first before pulling you down with him – but thankfully not onto his lap. Although you’re positive that the thought was there.

Eventually he lets go of your hand. Unsure of what else to do, you finally take a sip of your coffee. The rich, slightly bitter flavor of chocolate and mocha bursts onto your tongue, followed immediately by a quick hint of cinnamon.

Mm. A perfect cup.

“I’ve missed you, baby girl.” Andy’s large, lightly calloused hand cups your face – the roughened pad of his thumb caressing the curve of your cheek. “It hasn’t been a very fun couple of weeks.”

“I know.” You whisper as you lean into his touch and your eyes flutter closed. Perhaps you were just as starved for affection as he was. “I’m sorry.”

“Did you miss me?” His tone is gruff, but there’s no mistaking the emotion behind his words. Or the pain in his eyes for that matter. 

“I did, Andy.” So much.

“But you still left. Tried to break up with me before hopping on a plane and running off all the way to L.A. to share some chips and queso with good ol’ Rusty.” Your eyes fly open as Andy’s hand drops away. “Or did I read that wrong?” 

How the fuck had he known where you where? You hadn’t included anything about your intended destination in your letter…

“I saw it on your Instagram, in case you were wondering. Was actually able to use that stupid account you set up for me after all.” His teeth sink into his bottom lip as he narrows his gaze, trying to read your expression. “Couldn’t really get much else, although I enjoyed those pics of you at the beach.”

“It was a work trip.” You remind him, suddenly feeling defensive. “And Russell is an old friend, nothing more.”

“Hm.” Andy quirks an annoyed brow. “Are we talking about the kind of friend who also  accompanies you to the beach so you can show off your brand new bikini? Not that I’m complaining any about that gorgeous, sunkissed glow you’ve got going on, princess.” 

His big body is certainly tense, but there’s no ignoring the feral gleam in his eyes. Almost as if he’s dying to undress you and spend the next several hours checking you for tan lines. 

And he would, too. It’s not like it would be the first time. 

“I went alone. Russell stayed behind for that one.” You roll your eyes at the sight of his nostrils flaring. “Jesus Christ, dude! I know you may not believe that I’m a big girl, but I am. And if I wanna go hang out at the beach by myself, then that’s exactly what I’m gonna do!”

Which was exactly what the fuck you’d done. And it had been positively marvelous. 

“Fine.” He grunts, raising his palm towards the heavens. “God forgive me for having the sense to worry about my girl, especially since the last time I checked, she still couldn’t swim for shit.”

“Whatever, Andrew. This girl does whatever the hell she wants now, so you had better get used to it.” Your mouth is set in a thin, firm line while you silently dare him to disagree.

“I’m not quite sure how that’s different from any other day with you, but alright.” Andy tries to calm himself by playing with a stray curl that’s fallen free from your bun. “You’re still mine, sweetness. Even when you insist on being a brat. Or did you somehow forget that part?”

You swat at his hand instead of responding, hating that steady feeling of warmth that was currently pooling in your belly. 

“Did you?”

You make a show of ignoring him in favor of enjoying what was left of your coffee.

“You know, they say that sometimes silence speaks louder than words, baby girl.” You find yourself resisting the urge to clench your thighs together at the sound of the dark chuckle that rumbles through his chest. “It’s alright, though. Guess I’ll just have to remind you again once we get past this little wall you’re trying to put up between us.”

He gifts you with a flash of his pearly white teeth. Andrew Barber was the type of man who would only let you get away with so much before he put his foot down. And you would do well to remember that. 

“Pretty sure you meant to say “actions”, jackass.” Apparently he finds your acerbic wit funny as well.

“Eh, I’ve heard it both ways.” Andy shrugs before going back to toying with your curls. “But I think you should know that I’m not very happy with you, baby. And I’m trying to be patient here, but it’s kinda difficult when I can’t even get you to talk to me.”

“I was going to call you…” That wasn’t a lie. You had just been trying to drum up the mental fortitude you knew it would take to pick up the phone and actually dial his number. Sometimes, dealing with Andrew Barber could require some serious patience. 

“Were you now?” He doesn’t believe you. You can hear it in his voice.

“I was.”

“Okay, then have dinner with me tonight.” He releases your curl, watching the way it bounces as it springs free.

“Andy.” You let out an exhausted sigh.

“Meet me at my place. I’ll swing by Imperial Wok and pick up a few of your favorites so we can eat. And then we can talk in a quiet, private setting without any interruptions. How does that sound, princess?”

“Wonderful.” The word slips out before you can catch it. “But I–I can’t.”

Andrew Barber’s excited smile dies on his lips the moment that phrase reaches his ears and registers in his brain. As much as you hated to admit it, being alone with this man wasn’t a very good idea right now – especially behind closed doors.

Because while you’d never seen the man in court, you’d definitely heard plenty of stories about his ruthlessness. And you knew firsthand just how persistent he could be when he was determined to get his way. 

When Andy wanted something, he didn’t stop until he got it. Not only was he relentless, but he also wasn’t above using every tool at his disposal – including sex – if it meant having you back in his life. It wouldn’t matter all that much to him how it came about.

The same way he wouldn’t care if whether or not your desired reconciliation only happened because he’d lured you into his bed before fucking you back into submission. 

“The fu–why the hell not?” He growls, his hand grips the arm of the wooden bench so hard his knuckles go white.

“Because I can’t.”

“Can’t or won’t?” The pronounced tick in his jaw makes it clear that he’s beyond frustrated by your refusal. 

Unfortunately, that was too damned bad! By the time this was all said and done, your handsome ogre was going to have mastered the art of having some goddamned patience. At least you hoped that would be the case…

“Both.” You offer your Big Man a small apologetic smile as you rise from your seat. “Let’s plan for sometime next week. Maybe we can shoot for Monday. I’ll, uh, send you a text or something and we can find a place to meet. But I really need to get back to work now.”

Andy stares at you for what feels like a full minute as his impressive brain works overtime to figure out his next move. And then he stands up before taking your empty cup and discarding them both in a nearby trash bin.

“Alright.” He mutters with a nod in your direction. “I guess I’ll just have to wait for your message then. Now, let’s get you back to your office.” A lump forms in your throat when he wraps a muscled arm around your shoulders as you two begin walking back the way you came. 

Fuck, you really hated this shit. But if this relationship was ever going to have a chance of working, you had to continue standing your ground. Even though it hurt like hell.

“I, um...I know you said that we probably won’t be able to sit down and talk until next week. And I suppose I can understand where you’re coming from with that, but while I have you now…” He lightly coughs into his elbow.

You glance up at your hotshot attorney, trying to figure out where he was going with this so that you could potentially cut him off at the pass.

“I at least wanted to say “thank you” in person for still agreeing to help Lydia with the charity gala this Saturday. I’m sure that it wasn’t an easy decision for you, especially given how things have been between us lately. But I really do appreciate it. And, frankly, I’m sure the kids at St. Augustine’s do too.” 

You feel the blood drain from your face as the reminder of this weekend’s event all-but smacks in the face. “Shit!” You hiss, pulling away from Andy as you reach your building. “It’s this Saturday? Are you sure?”

 “I am.” He confirms, his eyes filled with surprise. “I just spoke with Lydia yesterday when I–”

“Fuck!” You exclaim as your hands fly to your hips, uncaring that you just interrupted whatever it was he was about to say. 

In all of the chaos, you’d completely forgotten that you had agreed to help the wife of one of Andy’s colleagues with her annual charity ball. Starting by arriving at the hotel early Saturday morning to aid in the event setup, before heading up to your room to get ready for the evening's festivities.

A room that had been booked during a time when you and Andy were on much better terms.     

“She did mention that she sent all of the volunteers an email a couple days ago with a list of instructions. Maybe it got buried in your inbox, baby.” He rests his hands on your biceps, giving you a reassuring squeeze. “But she is definitely expecting you and I’m afraid it’s probably too late for you to back out at this point.”

Deep down you knew he was right. And quite honestly, you wouldn’t even dream of doing something like this close to the actual date of the gala. But there was still the issue of having to share a hotel room with your ex.

Closing your eyes, you force yourself to take a deep breath. “I–I wouldn’t do that. I’m not that big of an asshole. I just don’t think it’s a good idea for us to share a room…” You trail off, hoping that he would at least be somewhat understanding of your current plight.

“Ahh.” You can see the moment when realization finally dawns. “Right. Almost forgot about that.”

No, he actually hadn’t. But since Andy didn’t feel as though there was any real need for you to know that, he was going to keep that particular tidbit to himself. Even he was capable of showing some restraint every now and again.   

“Like I said…” You find yourself anxiously bouncing on your toes. “I don’t think –”

“I get it, sweetheart.” 

Wait. He did? Just like that?

“You do?”

“I do.” His words are accompanied by a lopsided grin. 

He didn’t. But then again, you didn’t need to know that either.

Andy’s hands leave your arms so that he can tenderly cup the sides of your face instead. “You just leave it all to me, baby girl. I’ll call the hotel and change the reservations.”

“You will?” You place your smaller hands overtop of his own. “You…you don’t mind?”

“Not at all.” Andy leans down to press a sweet kiss to your forehead. “And I promise to be on my best behavior Saturday night.” He gives you another kiss, which you allow. “If you want, I’ll even send over the updated confirmation info.” 

“Thank you.” You murmur, wishing that you could give-in just a little more and offer up your lips for a kiss. A real one this time. 

But you couldn’t afford to do that. Not even when Mr. Andrew “Give Me A Gold Star For Being Helpful” Barber was acting sweet. That would only throw everything off balance all over again. 

Andy’s heated gaze drops to your mouth before he slowly pulls away. “Don’t work too hard, okay?” His husky voice sends one last tiny flutter through your belly. 

“Same goes for you.” You tell him as you begin to head into the building.

“Goodbye, baby girl.” 

“Goodbye, Andrew. See you Saturday.” 

He waits until you’re safely inside and out of sight before turning on his heel and proceeding in the direction of his car. Oh, you’d be seeing him on Saturday alright. And he would be on his best behavior – depending on just how much patience he could muster. 

You two would be sorting this shit out then, whether you liked it or not. When it was over, you’d both spend the rest of the weekend making up for lost time. And Andrew was going to do everything in his power to ensure you enjoyed every fucking second of it. Just like he planned to enjoy getting reacquainted with that delicate sweetness between those luscious thighs. But first…

He needed to go make a call.

END

*Part Three Coming Soon...*

___

Unofficial tag list -

@blueraspberryreader

@openup-yourmind

[dootznbootz]

Can I be for real? I hate when people hate on Circe/Kirke for being morally gray >:( Because all the gods are to an extent. Also I think the saying "You can like her as long as you acknowledge she's a bad person" doesn't really work because you could say that for all the gods. I think it's better to say "You can like her as long as you don't try to justify her actions" because that's what most Circe/Female god fans do. And it's so double standard-y I hate it >:( NORMALIZE LIKING CHARACTERS WHO ARE BAD PEOPLE WITHOUT TRYING TO JUSTIFY THEIR ACTIONS BY MAKING THEM VICTIMS. Especially when there are ACTUAL victims in the myth. Circe wasn't trying to protect herself. She's a goddamn goddess and a daughter of a titan. If she truly felt threatened she would've done something more permanent/serious to them. And if she was a male no one would he saying she was just trying to protect herself or something! I get there's a lot of misogyny in Greek Mythology but Circe is a GODDESS, she's above mortals. If Odysseus had to eat a MAGIC DRUG to defeat her that what could've the other soldiers done???

That's one of the reasons I really hated the Circe Book. It just feels so icky when people try to justify the shit she did. Like boo don't. We don't try to justify Zeus' actions. We don't try to justify Apollo's actions. We don't justify Calypso's actions (Or at least we shouldn't). We don't justify Theseus' actions. Because we shouldn't! So don't justify Circe's either >:((((((

Lmao sorry this kind of turned into my own little rant- Anyways do you have any Circe headcanons/shenanigans? I love my old ass mean witch wife 👉👈

And have a great day too, Mad! :D

All of this!!! Yes! Great points!!!

And that's the thing! You can be a fan of two different characters even if they're at odds or one has hurt the other! I do NOT hate Circe at all! Did she traumatize my special lil freak, Odysseus? Yeah. He's in therapy (AKA Penelope's arms). I still don't hate her!

And I absolutely agree with the whole "I just wanna protect my nymphs!" being kind of silly. It's fine, but I prefer her just being selfish in that moment (at least in my writing. There's more to it but I HAVE A PLAN!)

For headcanons/shenanigans, I'm...trying to be a bit more "stingy" with them, as for 1.) I really love my Circe and she's very special, and 2.) I've...honestly been doing too much into headcanons and not as much into actually WRITING. ;~; Which is what I really WANT to do. So I'll give a few basic silly ones that I'm okay with sharing. :D

1.) Circe has a habit of saying words twice. Like "Oh, oh", "My, my", "Yes, yes," etc. She has that habit from her papa :3 (I really love Helios lol. I wanna have him visit Aeaea during the year Odysseus is there just because I can lol) Once, though, Hermes pointed it out and teased her about it so she's a bit embarrassed and tries to not do that. (it slips out)

2.) She is basically her own lil sun. (not as much as Helios ofc, but yeah. enough) You can't look her in the eyes too long as it's basically like looking at 2 mini suns. If you're a mortal and sit close to her, you may get a sunburn. (she has mostly dryad nymphs working for her because it's a bonus to get extra sunlight.) It's kind of nice when making potions to be very warm so then she can hold it for a while and it'll warm up.

3.) She's kind of a behavioral psychologist/researcher in a way?? (putting my own field of interest into my shit lol) She much prefers the company of animals and immortals. She thinks humans are neat but she sees them more as something to "study". She does not see them as equal in a way. She also finds humans to be a lil gross. Being as warm as she is, mortals tend to sweat if they share the same room as her for a while and...Ew :') (Fun fact: Odysseus is a very sweaty dude, so... yeah. "I'm putting up with this because you're handsome and I want to study you.") It's part of the reason WHY she turns them into "cuter furred creatures". Also cats like laying in sunbeams!!! :D She's so warm! (Odysseus' men were to feed her pets eventually)

4.) She tends to laugh at her own jokes.

5.) Her and Artemis have beef because her having her pets run amock on Aeaea is fucking with it's balance in nature xD basically a bunch of big cat/wolf predators being introduced and what's naturally there can't keep up.

Some other stuff would give spoilers and some are not safe for wormlings so yeah! :D I hope this is good!

You have a great day too, Dear anon! Thank you! :D

[weirdestcornelius]

opinion on vol 4?

Oh anon. . .do I have thoughts on volume 4. This is gonna get long.

Now, first of all; I don't want to sound like a sex-negative prude even though I'm a minor. But the sex jokes were a lot in that volume. There's nothing wrong with dirty jokes or anything of the sort, but as I've specified before the jokes in v4 happen with so little cushioning between real, important events that it almost feels like hazbin hotel levels of writing. If you want your audience to actually be impacted by an important event, you don't surround it by dirty jokes trying desperately to get them to laugh. Yes, dirty jokes can be used well, but not when they take away your attention from actual important events.

Second of all, I do not like the message of the story. At the end everyone forgives Uni because she deserves it since she didn't do ANYTHING wrong. Actually, she did. I've already talked about how Hemera had every right to be angry at Uni for Kneevil destroying her plants. Miley also had the right to be angry; she had just been brought back to a very traumatic place right when she believed that she would finally be free to move on with her life. Her being thrown into a TRASH can must have taken a toll on her emotionally. Mood got attacked by her comfort food despite her eating bugs supposed to be an attempt at an eating disorder (yay. . . making eating disorders seem silly) and Doom was set on fire. Even if he didn't die, he still could've and his comfort item was also harmed in the process. The message that "Everyone needs to forgive someone if they say sorry" is a terrible message. The people who didn't forgive Uni were not in the wrong. Uni still brought Kneevil to life, and it's only right to take responsibility for her own decisions.

I also really don't understand the fandoms reaction to that comic. They were calling Cuddles terrible for saying mean things to Uni, even though 1: Barry berated her just earlier in the volume and people called it Barruni content and 2: . . .he tortures people and takes money from the poor. Cuddles is a fucked up character. It's really weird that people were acting as if him making fun of Uni's puppets was the worst thing he could've ever done. Also he. Wasn't lying when he pointed out that those puppets weren't the right kind for what Uni was trying to do. I also don't like the proportions in that volume, since Cuddles himself looks weird and Barry isn't even fat.

I only liked the parts where Party was around, honestly.

[arkus-rhapsode]

Video Game Hot Take of The Day: Metroid Other M would've actually been more warmly received if it had nothing to do with Metroid.

Nintendo is one of those rare companies where they've got such appealing characters and worlds for a general market, that they can take a lot of their existing franchises and expand them out into other genres to get players to try. Nervous about buying a tennis game? Well don't worry we have Mario in it. Wanna play a rhythm game? Well we got theses Bongos with that Donkey Kong plays along to. However, a lot of these are still general and broad appealing genres. What about more diverse styles of gameplay?

This is certainly more of a gamble. Sure Mario and Zelda transitioned in big 3D worlds fine. They're basically the same core mechanics but in a different dimension. Metroid Prime is still a search adventure style game but they move it into an FPS perspective and make it more about gathering info. But in terms of massive genre shift you get all the Mario RPG series, something that almost completely ditches the gameplay of Mario and becomes a completely different experience. Now Mario and Luigi and Paper Mario are generally well liked and for some the only RPGs they'll play, but then you get something like Star Fox Adventures, a game that wasn't intended to be a star fox game and has very little things sections that have original star fox gameplay. Now Adventures has its fans, people who would say they'd never try a Star Fox game due to the fact its a flight sim, but others will argue it strays too far from the series identity. So it often makes you wonder what it be like if Dinosaur Planet did come out instead. Would it still be considered a Ocarina of Time clone? Or would it be see as standing on its own merits?

And what about something like Pikmin? Some of Pikmin's earliest prototyping phases had it as a Mario game. But it was ultimately made into its own franchise with its own identity. But what if it was just other Mario game. Mario isn't some small man needing to flee this foreign world on a time limit before he dies, he's just be leading a bunch of goombas or koopas or something collecting mushrooms. Would it be as fondly remembered? Would it be consistently released across Nintendo consoles?

Now of course we can debate on the merits on what direction to take a franchise in or if we can balance releases of a franchise with two distinct types of gameplay like 2D and 3D Mario plus its various spin offs. But in the case of Metroid Other M, a lot of the hostility is often due to the story. A game that seemed to both contradict lore and ruin the mystique of a beloved character. However, the actual gameplay was done by, of all people, Team Ninja. A group known for character action games. The actual exploring and arena combat in Other M is actually pretty fine. Yes it was the Wii so there was Wii Remote shenanigans, but in terms of the actual combos and supernovas you could do, it was pretty alright. Its no DMC, but I could see it being something that would get people into DMC.

Its also important to remember at the time, Nintendo didn't really have their own unique character action game. Meanwhile, Sony was just cleaning up with stuff like God of War. Now of course Nintendo has Bayonetta and they even have a franchise they own that's also a character action game in the form of Astral Chain. But that leaves me wondering what could've been had Metroid Other M just had nothing to do with Metroid? What if it really was just some different sci-fi story about a moody girl with a chip on her shoulder as she smashes up aliens and robots? Not having at all to worry about an existing canon or timeline?

Honestly, I have no real answer. People could've still acted the story, the wii was still mostly known as a general entertainment system so maybe it would've do too well. Its would just be speculation on my part and I highly doubt at this point we'd see Other M 2. But I do at least think as an actual gaming experience, Other M isn't that bad. But it absolutely is a bad Metroid game.

[majaloveschris]

Maja I think I understand why some people believe this marriage is PR but from my point of view it's just people's way to try to cope with the fact that Chris is not the man they thought he was, so they try to paint it like he was "forced" to be in this relationship like he's not a millionaire who can do whatever he wants with his life...see I could write an entire essay about "why this makes sense" but I honestly think it wouldn't matter 'cause people will believe what they want to believe, I guess once the rose colored glasses are off people will finally see the obvious reality in front of them which is, he married a younger woman just like most man in Hollywood and he's happy with his choice otherwise he wouldn't have married her, and he's talking about his marriage and showing off his ring at every opportunity because he wants everybody to know that he is a married man, that's why all the articles about the wedding and so on...now I don't know how long this relationship is going to last due to the big age difference, only time will tell.

I see where you are coming from, and I agree that one of the reasons why it's so hard for some people to believe in this being real is because it would be hard to accept that he is okay with their behavior or that he is just like them.

However, I find it simply impossible that he would've been able to keep his true side hidden. And I don't care how good Disney's PR team is; there is now a way, in my opinion, that he would've been able to act like a whole different person for the last 20+ years, every time, in every situation. I know we don't know him personally, but I think his being racist or antisemitic would've made quite a buzz. And he wouldn't have friends or wouldn't have dated someone if he despised something in them; that is a really determining attribution to the person they are.

If there is a contract, he is indeed "forced" to be with her if he doesn't want to have its consequences, and I'm not talking about paying a certain amount of money, but other things too, which I won't mention since I don't want to give ideas. He could've been, however, pressured into this PR shitshow by his team for whatever reasons. If it's PR and if there is a contract, then yeah, he was stupid to get involved, but that is Hollywood, and people have done way worse things for roles or money than being involved in a PR relationship. So yeah, if it's fake, he was stupid to sign anything or to think it's a good idea.

What you don't understand is that most people have bigger problems with her than her age. See, their age when they met (23; 39) is problematic since she was in her early 20s, and if there wasn't any other problem with her, maybe I would also be fixated on their age gap. But the biggest problem, and why a lot of people don't support their relationship, is her and her friends' behavior. Their antisemitic, Nazi-supporting, fatshaming words and their immaturity are the biggest problems. People (women and men both) get married to younger or older people every single day, and while I don't agree with most of those, here we have much bigger problems.

But why does he want people to know it this much? Why? Why does a relatively private guy need this much buzz around his relationship when he hasn't felt the need for it for years? What are they trying to prove? That they are legit? Or that they are happy?

Considering everything that has happened and how they look when they are around each other, I'd rather believe this is fake than that they are happy together or that he is like them.

[laurasbailey]

hey, sorry to come out of nowhere with this, feel free to ignore! just wanted to get a bit of perspective on the c3 negativity i've been seeing for so long, which i've tried and failed to avoid and has been bumming me out more than i would like. this is my first campaign, it has brought me so much joy and company, but every time i end up reading a deeply negative take i can't really shake off the feeling that they're actually right, cause some of it makes sense to me and i can't unsee that. i know i'm being paranoid about it and truly setting myself up to be miserable and ruin the whole thing, which at this point i might've already done, but i just get sad wishing i could've had experienced the things everyone raves about (like different pacing and a lot of RP) for this campaign, which i'm so close to. do you think c3 is actually, objectively, worse or shallower than the previous ones? is there truth to the criticism (about it being too plot-driven, about the characters making each other worse and not being a good fit for this story, about the cast not being as into it and so on) or is the internet being the internet, and i should basically touch grass? it's not like i would drop it, honestly, i'm just sad thinking about how this story and these characters could've worked out if the "quality" was the one i keep seeing everyone talk about in regards to c1/c2. i know it's not that deep and it shouldn't matter in the long run, i'm just struggling a bit to not give in to the negativity and wanted to get your take on it, as someone's who's navigated this fandom longer! and again, truly sorry for the unprompted rant and thanks in general for being cool and taking the time to make gifs and recaps :)

you said it's brought you joy and company and it's seeing the negativity that's starting to ruin it, which is, honestly and sadly, a common thing that happens in online fandoms. negativity will bring the mood down regardless, because it just spirals into further misery. personally i stopped looking at fandom opinions and i've been a lot happier ever since! half the stuff you've said in here i've never heard before, that's how off the grid i am now lmao.

to answer your question, no, i don't think c3 is necessarily "worse" because, while people are entitled to their opinion, i think that's such a lazy, basic ass way of looking at it. also i just don't think a dnd game with people who are storytellers for a living can be shallow unless that's their goal, quite frankly. are there aspects of c3 i dislike? of course! but the same is true for all campaigns. there were parts of c2 i thought were very weak, despite the entire internet praising it like the second coming of jesus. there are things i think c3 does better than c2, even. and there are things c1 does better than both c2 and c3, and so on.

do i like that most of the campaign has been bells hells vs. a ticking clock? not really, it does mean certain sacrifices are made. do certain characters get on my last nerve? absolutely (but that's not exclusive to c3 lmao). at the same time though, i get the three women front and centre of the main plot, which has never happened before. i get a laura/marisha character romance after watching them have great chemistry for years. i get c1-level stakes and fantastic female npcs/villains, which c2 was mostly lacking. i get ashley full time (!!!) coming out of her shell and being her best and most chaotic self. and i get SO MUCH of the c1 characters? i'm fucking spoiled if you ask me.

maybe some of the criticism is very real and warranted (again, haven't seen it and don't plan to) but at the end of the day, this isn't my game of dnd or yours or any of the viewers'. we are literally watching other people play an improv game where they're crying one minute and making dick jokes the next, you just have to be along for the ride. going into the campaign with certain expectations is really silly and critiquing it the way you would a tv show just doesn't work. also unless these people are friends with the cast and speaking to them irl, how could they possibly know they aren't enjoying it as much like be serious 💀

i'm gonna be so honest here: idk if the people who are constantly spouting negativity are just miserable, but they sure look it! also stupid! why? because normal people who hate something simply ✨ stop watching and move on ✨. sure, hatewatching can be fun if you and your friends are in someone's living room or discord call shooting the shit, but doing it online day after day after day? honestly i just feel sorry for those people. happy people do not spend their time throwing essays worth of negativity up for the big wide world to see! how do i know this? because i was that person in my teens and i was severely unlikeable!

if you've enjoyed something without the bias of someone else's opinion, then you've enjoyed it! but your opinion can also change as the campaign goes, that can also be true! i would be interested to hear the reasons you loved it initially, because i think you'll find that most of that core stuff is present in all three campaigns.

the recent plot of c3 has been more stressful than any plot in previous campaigns, so understandably people have big feelings. my advice: the block button is your friend but so is the follow button! criticism is healthy, find people who deliver it in a way that's not some whiny entitled baby. letting someone else's opinion influence yours will never make you happy.

[kainagant]

do u have any thoughts about the kind of hypothetical relationships nagant could've had with other villains ( the league, shie hassaikai, mla, etc) if they had ever been explored in canon?

hey anon, thanks for the ask. the answer to your question is yes, kinda, and not yet. but by the time i am done writing out this post the answer will be yes, yes, and hell yeah.

i have definitely thought about lady nagant's interaction with the lov. mostly because (exposed) i'm a dabihawks shipper and i also subscribe to the fanon that lady nagant and hawks knew each other a little bit more than canon would imply. though i think with kaina's personality she was probably a little bit closed off, even with little keigo, but she was definitely big sister-ing, just from a comfortable emotional distance. anyway au kaina gives dabi the scariest shovel talk he'll ever receive, and all she did was point the barrel of her elbow at him and say "watch yourself".

the other league members think shes cool. mostly. i think there would be preliminary distrust due to her hero status but then they get to know her a bit and discover that she actually has good takes. i think shiggy could appreciate that shes critical of hero society without just regurgitating stain's beliefs. she has her own perspective and firsthand experience to back it up. he mentally adds her grievances to the compiled list of "reasons why the lov are committing unspeakable crimes against humanity, if anyone ever bothers to ask"

(cut for length)

i have kinda thought about kaina's interaction with the shie hassaikai, but mostly through the lens of her and chisaki. honestly the 8pods would be like. she's god. for real. or maybe she's actually the devil. chisaki already fills the god position for them and kaina clearly doesn't fear god (chisaki) so she's just a different beast entirely. basically they are all shocked by how casually and oftentimes brusquely she talks to chisaki. kaina herself is a bit weirded out by the 8pods insane worship of chiskai. "he's just a guy???? he's not even that cool cmon guys what am i missing…" chisaki grumbles "stop telling them that, it took a lot of effort to convince them im god" /j

okay jokes aside i think kaina would sympathize heavily with many of the 8pods downtrodden experiences. i mean she sympathized with chisaki, which not even the paragon of forgiveness and saving everyone (midoriya) was really willing to do. let's be real, for as much as kaina has a cold shell, she's very very gooey and warm on the inside and she sees this ragtag group of wet cats that chisaki scraped off the street, and she adopts them. with her unique brand of acting like she doesn't care when actually her heart aches whenever she thinks about what they went through.

i just want to preface this next part by saying that i'm a little bit biased against the mla. not to say that they're bad characters or that it's wrong to like or enjoy them, but from a personal standpoint i've never found them as compelling as other villains. i mean their motive is like. borrowed from another guy. and maybe if they had personal experiences with quirk discrimination, like toga or tabe, they might be more sympathetic. its not that they don't have a point, its just that its obvious that all of the members have a lot of privilege, and it makes me wonder how well they actually understand what destro wanted for society. also their motive is kinda funky because its a lot more relevant to the time literal decades ago that destro was actually living in. not saying that quirk discrimination isn't a thing in present day canon but like. we see it in the opposite direction that the mla sees it. we see people who are quirkless be treated like they're worthless. and the mla seems to want a society that only reinforces this issue, by assigning value to people based off of their quirks.

this is all to say that (i'm projecting) lady nagant would probably not like the mla that much. even putting aside whether their motives and beliefs are sympathetic or not, i think kaina would see the obvious privilege that they have, the pressed suits and influence and wealth, and be like. damn. did society really hurt you or did it actively benefit you? i also think on an individual level, members like curious and trumpet would irk her. like, btw, i love curious and i think that her being a media piranha makes her interesting, but also kaina would think she's incredibly annoying and invasive. kaina would also aliken trumpet to the hero commission, with his (what is essentially) brainwashing of his followers.

at the same time though, i think kaina has probably carried out hits on people like the mla. and although she may not agree with their ideology, she doesn't think that means they should be silenced. let the people speak, even if she thinks they're insane and wrong. because she believes that people deserve to have the whole, unfiltered truth, and then make their own judgements.

tl;dr on the mla thing. she wouldn't be besties with them, but she wouldn't necessarily hate them or anything. probably just scoff whenever they try to talk to her. like ok, re-destro, whatever you say (internally thinks he's stupid).

a more light hearted headcanon could be curious hounding kaina for the "untold story of the treacherous hero" etc etc. they develop an unfriendly rivalry in that kaina spends a lot of time trying to avoid curious and curious spends a lot of time hunting her down. maybe they have hate sex. this sounds like the plot for a crazy enemies to lovers slow burn rarepair nagacurious that i will not be writing. but yeah that could happen. maybe even throw curious character development in for flavor. i mean it starts out with curious relentlessly pursuing lady nagant, it evolves into "ok my interest in you has evolved from just pure journalism and now i'd like to kiss you and go on dates" and at some point lady nagant actually explains her tragic backstory, and the character growth moment is curious not betraying kaina's trust, and actually keeping the juicy details to herself. to reiterate delusional: i will not be writing this fic.

anyway thanks so much for the ask, anon. most of this was like. crack taken seriously and definitely in an au, but yeah. i love thinking about lady nagant, and i really enjoyed considering how she might mesh with the other villains in the series.

[roseworth]

Would you have done Terror Titans differently?⚔️

i would change pretty much everything about rose's characterization </3 my biggest problem with that book is that her motivations make no sense and arent at all in line with anything about her character and it drives me crazy

it seems like they thought that rose secretly working against him the whole time would be too obvious so they just. didnt. and shes hanging out with clock king and working with him for no real reason. i think it would've been SO much better if, even though its an obvious twist, she was trying to dismantle the tournament from the inside. the story,,, sort of did this???? but not in a way that mattered. it basically waits until the end to say "now rose realizes that this is bad" as if she didnt know what was going on the whole time?????

^ this is not a reveal. she knew exactly what was happening the entire time and she was a part of it. its a discredit to her character to act like she would've been complicit in this at all. honestly even as a "shes doing it for her own motives" thing, she wouldnt do most of what she did. she was fighting brainwashed heroes and training villains and enabling clock king for the whole book just to go "wow nevermind" at the end

fighting brainwashed heroes is probably the worst decision mckeever could've made for her. she KNOWS what its like to be drugged, brainwashed, and forced to fight. and then she lets it happen in this book anyway and actively encourages it. i am strongly on team "rose makes lots of selfish decisions" but this is a line that she would Not cross. yeah she enjoys fighting & would want to enter a tournament like that. but she wouldnt choose to fight people that didnt have any agency in their fight

which makes it feel like a slap in the face when she brings it up in the last issue

surprise! after shes spent the entire book fighting the people that were mind controlled to fight her, she now realizes that its a bad thing. she knew this from the start so this part feels extremely unearned because, again, she knew this from the start. they dont even try to build up to this moment

(everybody strap in; im about to say something nice about williamson's rose for the first time) theres a really good comparison to be made between terror titans and robin 2021. theyre both tournaments that rose is fighting in with ulterior motives, but robin does it sooo much better. she keeps her morals, she helps damian, she kills people because its a tournament that they all agreed to be a part of & the whole point is that the pit will bring them back after they die. in terror titans, shes fighting heroes that dont know what theyre doing and standing back while clock king kills whoever he wants to. everything she did in robin was at least sort of in line with her character & morals, but in this book they have to ignore everything shes done in the past just for it to make sense that shes there

which brings me to the other big issue i have with this book. mckeever had to ignore and roll back so much character growth just for this book to happen

^ this part from tt03 #41 is basically explicitly saying that rose Doesnt Kill. she didnt kill anyone after joining the titans until mckeever took over and pretended that shes secretly been a killer the whole time.

not to mention the arc in tt #43-46 where the WHOLE POINT was that the titans trusted rose and didnt expect her to kill

"even wonder girl's been nice to me" but you wouldnt know it since they ignored that as soon as johns left.

like this dialogue would've made sense when rose first joined the team but to say shes "homicidal and warped beyond words" after rose & cassie had been starting to get along AND rose hadn't killed someone is infuriating, especially since this is followed up with rose trying to kill them and acting like this is what always happens

it almost feels insulting that we have to pretend that she hasnt had all these arcs of her getting closer to the team and Not Killing People just to get this arc that leads into terror titans

anyways all this to say, terror titans relies on us believing that rose wouldnt care about the team's interests, the team doesnt trust her, and that she is fine with killing people. which are all things that were explicitly disproven 10 issues before this.

PLUS she, for some reason, trusts clock king. she doesnt know anything about him and watches him do all these bad things. but we're supposed to believe that she feels a Connection because of their precog

not to mention. she knows exactly what he did to eddie. it would be a stretch to say that she could have a civil conversation with clock king after this, let alone work with him and talk about their Connection

honestly. 90% of my problems with this book would be fixed if she had secretly been working with m'gann the whole time

if the twist had just been "mgann was secretly there, and rose knew and was distracting clock king & the terror titans (and trying to get more intel) while mgann freed everyone" it would have made so much more sense. that way she has a reason to be competing in the tournament and working with them, AND she would be working with the titans & reestablishing the trust that she had

in conclusion this book is bad. but it does have one redeeming quality: the fight between rose and lorena where she chokes her with her thigh while pulling her hair

[positivelyadhd]

ik its not ur usual positivity but THANK YOU so much for that post!!! I feel like "gifted kid burnout" really dominates the conversation and thats only one experience of many.

I was diagnosed with adhd in elementary school and was basically like. "the kid with problems" "lost cause" my entire life. one of my teachers even directly told my mom she should be ashamed of me lol. any successes were like-- "see what you just did? imagine how much more you would be capable of if you didn't have adhd." to the point where I don't even feel any sense of accomplishment for graduating college. it's just one more "failure" i avoided in other peoples eyes. (i dont personally think not graduating college is a failure at all btw, that is just Society's Message™)

this part is kinda tangential but from what i've seen a lot (ofc not all) of gifted kid burnout posts are like, if only i would have been diagnosed earlier all of this could be avoided. and maybe that's true - I understand where it's coming from at least, the frustration of feeling that something is wrong but not knowing what or having that "proof" that you're not just "lazy" etc. im not saying this isn't a valid wish or frustration but in my experience... hoooo boy.

personally being diagnosed with ADHD in the early 2000s, didn't meant you got support, it meant you were written off from the start, adults thought you had no future, you were seen as a "problem child" like it wasn't "oh you're not lazy you just have adhd!" it was "you have ADHD so you are built to be lazy and theres nothing you can do about it lol" so it didn't solve much. just created a different type of problem. im very happy to see things look to be changing though!!

I'm curious if other people had a similar experience and thank you so much for adding the 'diagnosed but not supported' part bc that is so real!!!

Absolutely this!!

My experience with diagnosis and lack of support was strange, but basically my primary (ages 4-11) school (I believe) suspected I had adhd/dyslexia and did offer some (very limited) support. But they also always told my parents they didn't think I had a learning difficulty when they asked because I was in extra programmes. I don't really think the support they did give me really helped all that much, and honestly, when I did get my diagnosis (around 12/13?) I'd spent so long thinking there was just something "wrong" with me that I feel like the lack of diagnosis was a lot more negatively impactful than not receiving support would've been.

My secondary school then managed to flip this and despite me getting my diagnosis part way through, nothing really changed either. Being told I had ADHD/Dyslexia changed me and my understanding of myself. I finally felt like things made sense and there was a reason i found things so difficult, it wasn't that there was something "wrong" with me but the system was not built for me. Although my diagnosis was early compared to some people, it felt late to me, and everything that can happen when you're undiagnosed had already set in.

I wished I'd been diagnosed earlier but honestly, I had a similar experience to you, and I don't think it would've done much. And even when I was finally diagnosed, my school also never really acknowledged my diagnosis and wouldn't put any of the accommodations that I needed in place (despite my diagnosis coming with a report which explained everything they should've been doing to support me and how they could've done it) I didn't get any accommodations for my neurodiversity until I was in uni, and I got my diagnosis in 2015 so at least for me, my experience wasn't that different to yours in the early 2000s.

When I tried to fight for the accommodations I should've been given, I was told that I would pass my exams, and so it didn't really matter, they didn't believe going through the hassle of giving me accommodations would help me (although the diagnosis report itself said otherwise.) I always felt similarly to you, I could scrape by but "imagine how much better you'd do without dyslexia/adhd" but I also had this weird "well because you're "gifted" you can get average grades, you don't need support!" message as well?

And yeah, just like you, I didn't really feel as accomplished as I should've done when I finished uni. I'm proud of myself for doing it but I do feel this weird pressure of knowing that if I didn't have adhd/dyslexia or managed it better, I would've done much better.

I apologise for rambling about myself but yeah thank you for this ask! I feel the same way, and I'm glad to hear I'm not alone in it as well.

I wish you the best dear anon <3

[7ringzsidetoside]

white...

okay ik a lot of people were perfectly fine with white dying and everything, and i would've been as well if his character was written better. He is literally placed in this series for the sole purpose of an nc scene and tee's boyfriend. Also keep in mind the nc scene was SO unnecessary AND he was super underage. Like i would've been kinda okay if it was important to the plot (him kissing his neck and rashes appearing there, etc.), but it had NO importance at all. like boc seriously?

anyways, idk if i read into this wrong (i'm lowkey having trouble interpreting all the symbolism the shows throwing at us), but i think the point for this is that tee sees non in white.

which like... first off the only similarity i see is their "innocence" (besides both of them being adorbs) but then again that's not rly true cuz clearly non relies heavily on sex to feel wanted and white literally is hanging out with a fucking thug ass group 24/7. now if it's innocence in terms of like being aware of the type of people around them and shit, i feel like white was pretty aware of everything.

I honestly think it would make more sense if tee was scared that the things he's done to non would impact white. (again i don't know if that was the actual meaning, i suck at symbolism ngl)

But also, i was even more disappointed because i remember in an interview fuaiz was talking about how he was perfect for the character of white, and literally no one could imagine anyone else doing it. Like don't get me wrong, he played it REALLY well, but white's character is SUPER different from how he is in real life. Like even in hidden character, he admitted to getting involved with the wrong crowds and everything. So i was expecting white to be a two-faced bitch who was like also involved with illegal shit but we got a literal angel of a person who's entire existence was used as a punishment for someone else. Atp, anyone "cute looking" could've played the role of white as there was literally no plot besides that.

i just also think that the fact everyone got so worried at barcode having that scene with jjay is incredible double standards. barcode was around fuaiz's age in kp and had incredibly tame scenes for someone with a canon partner (as it should be). Be on cloud threw fuaiz (an actual actor with actual acting experience) into a role with zero character and a shower half-naked with someone 6 years older than him.

honestly, i rly need someone to write fics about white having a character besides being the clueless bf, or else i'm actually gonna go crazy. T-T All i hope is that bro gets some good roles in the future

[chaoxfix]

I've seen the end of Prime. I didn't think it was super bad, but I absolutely do think it's in the same boat as Forces after all is said and done. Complete with the goldmine for fix-it-fics.

I still stand by saying that Nine justified the show existing. I wish he wasn't left to be isolated in the Grim because that puts him right back to the status quo of his life. Isolated and hurt.

Above all else, it's obvious as hell the show needed more time in all directions. More time in the oven, and more runtime than a single 23 episode season. I have to wonder how the production of the show was behind the scenes, as well as if the Writer's and Actor's strikes had anything to do with how much this season stumbled.

under a cut because i dont really want to spread negativity about this show, i honest to god overall liked it. or, at least liked it enough that i dont feel comfortable participating in raking it over the coals. again, im not the target audience, but if i was, i would've absolutely *loved* it, no holds barred.

i do think the ending with nine was kind of a bummer, yeah. but ultimately i think the door is still open for other adventures with him reintegrating with other shatterspace inhabitants. i think nine and rusty rose could have a healthy friendship at some point. plus i think a lot of the other shatterspaces maintain the ability to travel which could have plenty of stories leading from it, not just with nine but with one another and sonic's main universe.

genuinely, my only complaints that feel legitimate are 1) sonic's personality, 2) the majorly extended fight scenes and overall pacing between scenes with the emotional depth i was watching for, and 3) "it's canon to the games"

everything else i didn't fully enjoy was purely because i am not the target audience. im not a fan of childish humor, i like more nuance with jokes and i dont think pointing out the obvious is all that funny, etc, etc. but this was written for kids, so that's just not a legitimate complaint imo. honestly even my #2 complaint doesn't feel all that legitimate, because the target audience probably doesn't really crave that same level of emotional complexity and might prefer the long flashy fight scenes -- why could explain why there are so many, and why they're so long.

but i think overall that anything that didn't stick the landing for me was #3, because of the producers saying that it's canon to the games timeline. because of that, the expectations were heightened by people like me, who care about things like timeline placements -- and we're generally older fans with a long history with the sonic franchise and laughably high expectations and a sense that the sonic franchise should just 'go back to when it was good' rhetoric... compare that to the actual target audience: kids. an 8-12 year old probably isn't going to care about timeline placements. if they would have just not mentioned games canon, a lot of older fans could've enjoyed this more because it would've been disconnected and not beholden to so many expectations. that's its biggest flaw, imo, and that's not a flaw of the series, only with its marketing.

...for my specific timeline concerns..... when i said everyone's clamoring for sonic to 'return back to when it was good' -- the advance series is actually what a HUGE amount of people consider to be the peak of sonic. and guess what sonic prime is meant to immediately follow? sonic advance 3. to be honest the only thing that throws me off is the idea that they all live in green hill, including knuckles. after sonic advance 3, angel island is where it usually is and knuckles is living there full time again, watching over the master emerald. that's my only real concern. i dont worry about people saying it doesn't make sense not to include blaze or silver, because again, this was meant to be set after sonic advance 3, which was released in 2004... before sonic rush came out in 2005 and introduced blaze, or sonic 06 came out and introduced silver. so i dont really care about them not being included, it makes sense for them not to be there, imo.

[coldercreation]

I know many people have said this before but the way Nathan was characterized is so realistically good. I relate a lot to what Nathan goes through and honestly wish he was real so him and I can be friends. Thank you for writing CYE and the whole series in general. With the way you write Nathan, if you don't mind me asking, what is the reference you used for him because he was the first person that was accurate!

Aaa, thank you so much<3 I'm so glad you have found CYE and the series and Nathan relatable, it means a lot to me and makes me really happy!

I'm not sure what you mean by reference, but if you mean the mental health aspects I used to build his character, I do have some specific research points that could be helpful. I also just recently posted about my personal vitamin deficiencies that most definitely have affected the way I describe feelings in my writing. As in, no matter what the characters' circumstances are or what's happening to them in the story, I will use my personal experience with anxiety, depression, "how life feels" to describe their anxiety, depression, "how their life feels". So, like I said in that post; ignoring what is causing Nathan's anxiety etc. in the story, if you relate to how he FEELS and how I have described those feelings... feeling(?), I'd recommend checking your vitamins lol.

I wrote in the tags of that post: "The description of Nathan's experience could and would still be rather accurate, even if you don't have these physical health issues! Depression and anxiety etc from a deficiency is still depression and anxiety. + When I write Nathan I have a set of mental health “maps” or “guides” for his character (like C-PTSD and CEN and OCD). Yes I use my own feelings and experiences to describe his anxiety etc, but his character is built around these specific mental health markers / trauma research / symptoms etc (like C-PTSD and CEN and OCD). So I'm pretty sure Nathan's POV would still look very similar based on just that research and ignoring the stuff about deficiencies."

I mentioned some of those mental health/trauma/character marker 'reference' points for Nathan in those tags. I've done a lot of reading into these topics and refer to them time to time whenever I get more into a Nathan's POV chapter where these things get more relevant. There's a bunch of old posts about my research on this blog too if you scroll down... forever hahah! (Go to the Archive and scroll all the way down to November 2019, that way you should be able to skim over most of the text posts that have some of my research. There's more hidden behind a few of the photo posts so you'll have to scroll through a bit more if you want to find everything😅)

I haven't really identified or "diagnosed" Nathan with anything specific, as that didn't really feel necessary nor even right to me. I looked into what his type of childhood experiences etc. could lead up to in adulthood and how they could possibly present themselves, and started building his story around that, trying to 'match' the psychology with his experiences. Sometimes I've also flipped the script the other way; After learning about a 'symptom' described in the research, I've introduced it for Nathan's character, and after that also included the circumstances that would've/could've led to him exhibiting that symptom. Often I also just wing it lmao; my writing is not medical information even though I do try to research a lot. It's all fiction, but with a psychology / self-help like twist? Or something.

Here's some of the research points for Nathan's character building:

C-PTSD = Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder

Emotional Flashbacks

CEN = Childhood Emotional Neglect | This was a big character source!

OCD = Obsessive Compulsive Disorder | Nathan has some tendencies

4Fs – Fight, Flight, Freeze, and Fawn Trauma/Stress responses | Nathan's character is built around the Freeze type (in his childhood situation, the other Fs weren't really an option for him; couldn't fight back, couldn't leave, couldn't change the situation by behaving 'well')

General Anxiety

Social Anxiety

(Self) Isolation | I also read about Hikikomori, and later about the effects of the pandemic Lockdowns and how those have been affecting us.

Chronic Shame

Mother Wound

etc.

Hope that's helpful if this was what you meant! Thank you again, I'm so glad you've liked my writing xx