#honestly at this point idk if i'll finish any of them but! just want to see what people are drawn to

[luckykiwiii101]

😭😭😭 I ENTERED THE VOID STATE AND IT'S LITERALLY CHANGED MY WHOLE VOCAL CORDS!!! Like, WHOA. 😱 You guys don't even understand. Before all of this, I was a mess. Lemme tell you the full tea.

So like, I used to cry at night, scrolling through Tumblr, seeing everyone else manifesting their dream lives while I was stuck in the same old cycle. 😩 You KNOW the feeling! I even DELETED my Tumblr at one point because I was SO sick of seeing everyone else actually living their dreams, but then I would redownload it like the next day because I couldn't resist!! And then...the whole studying-for-exams thing? LOL don't even get me started. Like, I'd be like "I'll just enter the void state before my exams and manifest straight A's or whatever" (spoiler alert: I didn't.) I'm never really failed any subjects. At least not badly😬

I was starting to get frustrated, right? So then, one day, I was like OKAY, FINE. TIME TO ACTUALLY DO SOMETHING. And that's when I started SATS (State Akin To Sleep). It sounded crazy at first, but honestly, I was down to try anything! (Even while coping with my MADD. Yes I'm one of them. No I'm never getting rid of it.) So I started visualizing my dream life, and LET ME TELL YOU, I GOT SO DETAILED. I was in Velaris with Rhysand (I'm an ACOTAR fan), feeling his WINGS!!! I was literally touching them and just imagining how amazing it would feel to be surrounded by magic and beauty. And I wasn't even thinking about entering the void or anything. I was just feeling the vibezzz. Like, I know that it felt real, and that's what mattered.

Fast forward to a month and 3 weeks of doing SATS (Yes, I skipped some days, but WHO CARES? 😤). And guess what happened? I woke up today, and BOOM! I was in the void! Like, I didn’t even need to know how it happened, it just DID. I just said "Anything i say comes true exactly the way I want it." I said it over and over and over. Until I decided it was enough. Then I thought of leaving, and I was back in my room. Thank goodness I didn't think of leaving when I first entered, because this was literally like a lifetime opportunity I couldn't screw it up.

I actually had to safeguard myself, by saying "I am not impulsive". And the urge to say nonsense just disappeared ✨ That was the first thing I said when I woke up. So I wouldn't say any crazy shit. And so I was sitting there, ready to just start manifesting everything I ever wanted. I even started writing my script. maybe that was just an adrenaline rush.

But here’s the thing...GUYS, NOW THAT I’M HERE....in my room with this "ability"...I’m actually kinda missing my old self. Not the sad, desperate me, but the me who was SUPER EXCITED about just wandering around Velaris at night and dreaming of all this happening. Like, I actually miss that excitement. Looking through Pinterest and seeing the interior of a mansion, and be like "I'll be there soon", seeing pics of tasty food on instagram and saying "I'll eat that soon" I know it sounds crazy, but when you finally get everything you thought you wanted, it’s like...IDK...a little too perfect? 😬

Like, I know this sounds wild— and weird, but it’s TRUE. It's true for me right now. I'm gonna be blunt. The success story is not as exciting when you’re like actually living it, you know? Or maybe it's just me. Like, I’m just over here typing this at 4 AM, feeling kinda melancholic. And kinda (scared). Yes, I wanna enjoy my desires, but... I don't know. I don't want to get too curious and stray from Velaris trying to find out the secret behind ALL of this. For goodness sake, this is crazy!!! My voice is a genie!. It's already bugging me now. I know, I KNOW, this is probably not what you expected from a success story, but I’m being REAL.

I’ve written like 3 pages of my script so far, and I’m just gonna finish it tomorrow. No rush. Because honestly? Rhysand’s not going anywhere. 😉

And YOU can do this too. I know some of you might feel like “Oh, it’s impossible, I keep failing!” but like, just take a second and realize YOU'RE ALREADY GETTING CLOSER THAN YOU THINK. I was stuck too, and look where I am now. Don't look at the part where— I'm kinda ungrateful. But the part where I'm finally gonna meet Rhysand. YOU’RE SO CLOSE. It’s all coming together, trust me! 💖✨

But yeah, it’s 4 AM, I’m gonna go back to bed now, lol. Don’t let the void stress you out, okay? Take it easy. You’ve got this. ✨✌🏼

Also, love you kiwiii💖💖💖💖

SUCCESS STORY

XOXO | GOSSIP GIRL | XOXO | GOSSIP GIRL | XOXO | GOSSIP GRL

First of all, I’m so happy for you and proud of you. You really put your foot down and gave yourself what you wanted.

I can understand what you mean when you say the success story isn’t exciting when you’re actually living it. But when it’s right in-front of you, it doesn’t feel like this out of reach thing you’ve put on a pedestal anymore. It’s just yours. And it feels normal.

But for some people, I think a big part of that came from the dopamine rush people would feel when they’d tell themselves that they’ll have it one day. And when they have it in the 3D, they just feel peaceful with it because there’s nothing to “chase” anymore.

I agree with most of what you said apart from “you’re so close”. With the law of assumption there is no process. You ARE the void. Anyway enjoy having your desires. I’m really happy for you!!😭 Love you too beautiful ♥️

[damagedintellect]

Alpha Fyodor x Omega Fem!Reader

💌 The Poetic Nature of the DOA Novelist: Chapter 1?  💌  

Summary:  You were hired as the DOA's novelist, usually Nikolai is your heat partner but sometimes Fyodor takes advantage of the fact that you are an omega

Notes:  I'm drunk and on my period there's not enough omegaverse for me to consume so fuck I gotta wrtie me own ughhhh why caan;t my fingers hit the right letters.m I'll fix it when I'm sober. Sober me here fuck it I'm gonna keep it, I just can't be bothered

Fem!Omega reader bc it's self indulgent 🍋

💌 Word count: 2,540 💌  You are here | Chapter 2??? idk durnk me wants a part 2 but w/Nikolai 🍋

Your mind has been foggy all day and only seems to be getting worse by the hour. You’ve been staring blankly at the pen in your hands, unable to focus on finishing your current sentence. Last night you thought it was a fever but looking at the calendar you groaned. That's when the realization hits you, your heat came early and that's why you feel so out of it. You step into the hallway knocking on Nikolai's door. No response, there's a good chance the alpha was out. You pressed your head against the door.

This wasn't good.

You tried jiggling the knob but it was locked and there was no key, only Nikolai could open the door. You've tried to pick the lock before it doesn't work. That's what you hated the most. All you wanted was to make your nest but Nikolai hates when others go snooping through his things. Which was fair even though Fyodor and Sigma both respect each other's personal boundaries but Nikolai is Nikolai you supposed. Thinking about it, the alpha in question was the only one who has ever sifted through everyone's personal belongings. Besides the point without his body or even his scent you were starting to suffer. The curse of being an unmated omega.

You sniff the air trying to see if anyone else was around who would know when he'd be back. To your dismay it seems only Fyodor is here at the base. Go figure. Outside of recruitment you've never seen Fukichi or Bram around and now that Sigma has his casino to run, this has been the case more often than not. You hobble over to his door which was already open. He must not be busy at the moment otherwise he wouldn't let the others openly pester him. You knocked at the entrance before letting yourself in as he was typing away at his computer.

"I assume you're not that busy right now?" You glanced at his twelve monitors, unable to comprehend the mess displayed across the screens.

"Correct." He glanced over his shoulder "I assume your heat came early?"

"Correct. Can I sit in your lap until Nikolai gets back? I would ask for your blanket or pillow or something but I already know it wouldn't smell like alpha." He doesn't sleep in them most nights so why would they. Sure you could have asked for his ushanka but he wasn't wearing it strangely enough. You liked when he didn’t have his hat. His hair was beautiful. You want to run your fingers through it, maybe even braid it like Nikolai’s.

The alpha smirked, motioning you to take your seat. He must have planned this. There's a good chance he just sent Nikolai off to make you desperate. Normally Nikolai's schedule works around your heats perfectly and Fyodor's in charge of planning the timeline of events. What an asshole. It's a shame he's the only one who can help you right now. Honestly you want to be mad but your inner omega has a thing for this bastard.

You situated yourself so that you were facing Fyodor. He even went as far to lower his chair to help you get into his lap. Once comfortable you nuzzled into his neck breathing him in. Just the scent of the alpha alone was already making the dull ache dissipate. You were safe and protected and even though you know you were never in any danger your body needed the confirmation. Secondary genders suck.

When you were recruited as the novelist for the DOA Fyodor was quick to make it known he had no interest in helping with your heats but after Nikolai volunteered to be your heat partner you noticed Fyodor's almost taken aback expression. Then Fyodor's rut hit when you were the only one around. Which at the time was odd but thinking back surely he planned that too. He cornered you, had his way with you and you would hate to admit it but you liked it. You liked it a lot and that's a horrible thing to admit. You would have never expected to have a thing for the russian. It’s not like you were even an acquaintance, nor was he someone you despised. You were just here for the job and by technicalities he was your employer. 

Fyodor was always cold and distant until he needed something, which from you was very rare. You could even say he seemed kind of bored and aloof until you got him talking about his master plans but even then he kept the details to a minimum. However after being forced to spend his rut with him your view of Fyodor started shifting. There was something about how assertive he was yet uncharacteristically affectionate towards you that left you in awe. It was like you were pulling back the curtain ever so slightly to see that there really was a human behind the facade. That and his scent drove you crazy as is and it's extremely subtle, so subtle that you can't even smell it half the time. 

The moment he was consciously himself again, he smiled wickedly or rather you think deranged would be a better word. He kicked you to the curb without any acknowledgment of what possessed him to have such poor planning. This has repeated for a few cycles at this point and things didn't add up. You were used to his hot cold demeanor by now but you still don't understand why he makes a big deal out of it. Actually scratch that you knew it's because it bothered him that his secondary gender takes control of his actions. He doesn't take any blockers or suppressants, apparently for religious reasons, but still. He holds great disdain for the fact that no matter how he feels about you deep down there will always be that innate instinct to take care of you simply because you're an unmated omega.

At the end of the day you don't care who fucks your brains out but Fyodor likes playing with his food. Which is why you wish Nikolai would come back already. Your hole ached to be filled. Nikolai teases you but he always makes sure you are taken care of. He was the best alpha of the DOA in your opinion. The two of you had such instant chemistry and you talk about it often enough. Honestly you don't know why he doesn't just claim you now but that's Nikolai for you. He likes his freedom and you can admire that. A man who sticks to his philosophy. Fyodor confuses you because he says one thing but will do another. Like right now, providing his scent to comfort you.

You slowly rocked your hips into Fyodor whimpering pathetically. You could  practically hear the grin as he hummed. You took another deep breath of the alpha's scent. You would kill for him to scent you right now. You'd kill for anyone to scent you right now. Your movement grinds to a halt when his fingers dig into your side. 

"Enough of that, continue and lose your scent privilege."

Had you been in your right mind you would have laughed. You didn't know you had scent privileges. That would sound a lot like helping with your heat. Part of you hopes you'll remember this when your heat is over so you could throw it in his face. Instead you begged and moaned under his touch.

"P-please, just let me warm you until Nikolai gets back. Being filled is enough. I can't think straight. Everything hurts."

The sentence was shaky at best but you felt him twitch between your legs. He was already mostly hard from your lazy attempt at relief. You didn't even expect him to answer your half drunken rambling when he sighed.

"Fine, if you wish to fuck yourself silly than be my guest but I offer no further assistance."

His tone was as uninterested as usual but it sent shivers down your spine as you fumble with his pants to set his cock free. His expression was neutral but there was a sharpness to his features that was undeniable. For the first time since entering the room his eyes were glued on you as you hastily situated your own clothes and aligned yourself, sinking down on his inches. You were twitching and holding back moans as you bottomed out. Instant relief and pleasure flooded your senses. The sensation of feeling full was so divine. You stayed there panting into Fyodor's neck refusing to move. You prayed that this would be enough. The last thing you want to do is beg him for help.

You gasped, biting the back of your hand as you felt him twitch inside you. You clenched around him involuntarily feeling a wave of pleasure wrack through your body. You were drooling at the fullness while gripping his shoulders tightly. He technically gave you permission to move but you didn’t want to give him the satisfaction. Although your head was screaming at you otherwise. His scent was growing stronger, it had you reeling almost like he was urging you to help yourself. To be a good little omega. 

To be, his, good little omega. 

With that in mind you slowly rolled your hips choking on a moan as your body twitched around him again. The angle he was able to hit like this was driving you mad. Why have you never done this before? You would have to make a note of this for later. You’ve fooled around with Nikolai quite a bit so why have you never fucked on a chair? With how sensitive you were in heat you could cum just like this. It took all of your strength to lift yourself up enough to sink back down completely. He was just long enough to brush past the right spot to make your legs feel like jelly.

True to his word he did not help you although his hand found itself around your waist. Probably to make sure you didn't fall out of the chair. Your body was spasming in pleasure to the point where your thighs were shaking an awful lot and you have yet to cum. The sheer idea of being bred was enough to satisfy that urge. It felt so good you might even pass out. The more you inhaled his scent the further your mind slipped into heat. You were too busy chasing that high you hadn’t noticed the low grunts and panting in your ear. If you took the time to observe Fyodor you would have seen just how disheveled his demeanor had become.

 A thin layer of sweat plastered his bangs to his forehead. He stopped typing ages ago but he still managed to maneuver the mouse around, doing who knows what. His breathing had become ragged when you started moving and the grip on your waist had tightened. You hoped it would leave marks for Nikolai to see. His eyes jumped back and forth from his monitor to you. At this rate neither of you would last much longer.

“F-Fyodor, nnghh, I'm-”

He pressed his lips to your ear murmuring “Cum for me darling” in that deep rich tone of his before he kissed your temple. You slump against him gripping his shoulders tightly as you reach your climax. You were such a panting mess you didn't notice Nikolai had been standing in the doorway the whole time.

The jester took that as his cue to enter the scene bouncing over to you both. “I'm back, did I miss anything?” Nikolai surveys the room cheerful as ever, wiggling his eyebrows while Fyodor's expression goes flat. 

He leaned into Fyodor’s personal space with excitement “Oh good you finally confessed! It's about time you figured it out. Honestly it was so uncharacteristic for you of all people to be the last one to know.” He clapped his hands as Fyodor frowned.

“I do not understand what you are referring to, neither (Y/N) nor I made any confession. I was simply minding my business when her preheat kicked in.” There was something about the way that Fyodor said it that sounded dismissive like he was trying to convince himself that it was true.

Nikolai rolled his eyes “Well then if you haven't realized it that's fine. I'll be taking her now if it's all the same to you.” his smile turned into a sneer.

“By all means her heat is your responsibility after all.”

Nikolai helped delicately peel you out of Fyodor's lap holding you in his arms like a princess. You were extremely sensitive to touch and both Alpha's couldn't hide the soft satisfied expression as they watched you enter Nikolai's cape. 

“Careful Dos-kun, get too attached and I might have to claim her for myself~” the jester teased even though Fyodor knew if it came down to it Nikolai wouldn't mind sharing at all. 

It was the reason he knew he could get away with using you during his rut cycles. Although the first time was purely a miscalculation on his part, but he digressed. The rest was about convenience. Fyodor had or ever wanted to have rut partners in the past, which was unfortunate because having one makes things so much easier to manage. Besides the point he was getting sidetracked in his head.

“As if the thought doesn't excite you.” Fyodor quipped back as his attention was drawn to his monitor. Dazai had managed to put him in check twice since you was being very distracting.

Nikolai laughed ruffling the other’s hair. “Guilty as charged but still,” he trailed off turning towards the door “It's not fair to play games with someone who doesn't know they're playing a game.” Nikolai waved his coat as he vanished to his room leaving Fyodor to scowl at the vacant space.

You were happily making your nest on Nikolai's bed. The room smelled very strongly of the alpha, it helped keep your mind clear especially after you came on Fyodor's cock. In your brain the faster you set up your nest the quicker you could be knotted. Slick was still running down your thigh when Nikolai joined you leaning over your shoulder. “I like what you've done with the place.” He snickered, placing a kiss on your scent gland “Can't wait to ruin it!” He chirped.

You moaned as he pressed himself against your backside. His hands were set on removing the rest of your clothes “By the way did you know Fyodor was playing chess with Dazai that entire time?”

Your eyes widened at the sudden insight. “That's what he was doing! I'm surprised he even let me in then, he hates losing to Dazai.”

Nikolai's hands danced across your exposed skin, kissing everywhere he could while undressing himself. “That's how important you are to him.” 

You scoffed “Yeah as if.”

You can’t say he didn’t try, Nikolai has known for a while now that you and Fyodor are fated mates. He's astonished that neither of you could smell it on each other. It wasn’t his job to interfere though he hoped that you'd realize it sooner, But that's not his problem!

[bigfatbimbo]

Hey there! @hazbinhotelmollykisser here yet again, with the promised bill rambles :)

Forgive me if the following words sound like nonsense, I'm trying lol

SO. I'll be covering the bill with a more powerful reader and sub bill because your works have changed my brain chemistry, masochist bill because I'M GOING INSANE AN I NEED TO BE SEDATED, and bill with a reader that likes to tease him (with a more powerful reader version and a just a human version) because I need to study his reactions to teasing like I'm Stanford studying like... Science + math = triangles or something.

・Bill x More powerful reader

So I actually made an entire oc for this literally as soon as I finished reading the og post, which I will refrain on ranting abt, but the idea of a reader that's more powerful than bill is fascinating to me.

Because like, he's bill so he's obviously gonna try to get under your skin, but imagine a reader that sees his attempts to annoy them and just... Like laughs? A reader that finds his attempts almost endearing? Reverting whatever bill did back to before with just a snap and maybe a passing comment about his mischief.

It would drive him mad I think, he'd be rlly annoyed and pissy about it.

Or alternatively, a reader that does get angry when he tries to annoy them, (a loud and aggressive angry or a quiet festering angry both yielding different reactions from bill) and Bill takes it as motivation to keep annoying you (and it's definitely only because he thinks it's funny and totally definitely no other reason).

(Holy shit this is already getting long)

・Sub!Bill

So obviously a brat right? Like very obviously? We all agree on that.

And this next bit will probably just be regurgitating your points because I can't stop having the same opinions as you,

I personally need to see any + every version of bill cipher getting taken down a peg. Like I need to just. Ruin his life a little. Like I need to cause him mental peril and make it up to him (but actually it's only for me) by making him beg for what he wants and not giving him anything unless he asks out loud because "well I'm not a mind reader" (more powerful reader probably IS but shhhh..)

I want him to cry and beg (as do most people who read your blog honestly)

・masochist bill

Thinking about the way that bill literally talks about going out of his way to inflict pain onto the bodies he "possesses" (? Idk if that's the word I should use) made me think. Like too much thinking too many thoughts, to the point that I at multiple points almost wrote a small drabble in my notes app about it. (I would've if I could think of any words to write down when I need them 😭)

But like he's definitely some kind masochist right?

I can't think of any scenarios for human reader he made a deal with and bill for this category but imagine with me pls, a HUMAN reader, that he made a deal with (is actively trying to manipulate), causing him PAIN somehow (directly or indirectly), and he... DOSENT MIND? because 1. He's gonna have a mental breakdown because of it probably, and 2. He dosent JUST not mind. It's like EXCITING but not normal exciting.

So basically he'd be freaking out.

And with a reader that's more powerful than him? I think it'd be clear as day. Going hand in hand with the angry reader that's more powerful than him thing above, he would absolutely get off on annoying them until they snap at him (specifically the snap at him part). And when reader notices, they're obviously gonna make fun of him because hes being pathetic lol.

I think I have run out of masochist bill words now so onto the next topic.

・tease reader (human) x bill

My main reason for bringing this up is I love the idea of the powerful bill cipher being.. Well, flustered.

Like maybe when it's triangle form bill its easier to hide for him but if it were human bill reader would be able to tell almost instantly probably.

And more opportunities to make fun of bill for being a pathetic little creature are always good :)

・tease reader (more powerful) x bill

OOWOWHEOEJEIEBSJBSISNDH I love this idea so so SO SO SOSOSOSO MUCH!!!3&:28&:9.

SO MANY MORE OPPORTUNITIES TO TEASE AND NOT GET KILLED :)

Like imagine with me, your teasing bill and he gets all "upset" and probably threatens you, you don't gotta back off, you infact can tease him even more for thinking that he can threaten you. Shheheheheheheh.

I think that's all my words, I seem to have run out.

I hope that big lump of nothing text (800-ish words 😰) was enough to make up for my sudden dissapearence after promising to talk about bill TWO WEEKS AGO

Forgive my probably dogshit spelling and grammar pls

and hope you have a good day/night/whatever!

IUAHAHSHSHSHSHHSHDHSHAHS I LOVE THINGS LIKE THIS IN MY INBOX!!!!! Because it’s like wow, you did all the work for me! 😊

Ugh, this is so good tho. I always love to hear your thoughts, you are one of my FAV anons!!!!!

[artemisiavulgaris1114]

I normally don't do discourse but, I've seen some floating around and I maybe have some relevant perspectives so here's my opinion on a thing:

so I am a hella subtext girlie. ships are always painful as fuck for me (in the good way) because give me breadcrumbs and I'm HOOKED I wanna eat that whole loaf crumb by crumb!! no ez mode. that's boring. I love a nice slow burn, I'll happily gnaw my way through 50 chapters of complicated setup and character development before they even meet (and like lol maybe this is actually the problem). And I love Lucanis's romance and I'm happy with his story, the writing and the way it progressed for the most part. I'm demi so I got it and that's all I'm gonna say on that point til a bit further down.

I STILL think that the way it was handled doesn't work well with the pacing of the game, and I don't think that's down to the writing, I think it's mostly the way the game story progression was designed. I think this is true to some degree for all the romances because there's no interactivity outside of quest cutscenes and the ambient dialogue that happens right after the commitment scene. But especially for Lucanis because to me their romance is in the little details, the every day interactions as their relationship slowly deepens. That's obviously done really well in the cutscenes we get, but feels like it makes less sense in the scope of the whole story because there are a whole bunch of in-between pieces missing.

If you're going to finish everything there is to do by the end of the game, a huge chunk of the time that you spend doing quests is completely devoid of any reference to your romance. I feel like especially for Lucanis and Rook more ambient dialogue between them would have made it feel more natural and substantial, especially especially if they are both Crows. For example, the way it's handled between Taash and Harding/Lucanis and Neve feels much smoother and the development is more overt. I think being that those happen more toward the end of the game, there feels like more of a natural character development-relationship development progression as you go through their individual quests.

Like, 2-3 lines of additional unique dialogue peppered throughout the lead-up to endgame after the romance is locked in with Lucanis would have vastly improved it and helped bridge the gap, I feel. And I'm not necessarily talking about romantic interactions, just some unique dialogue to show how well they've come to know each other, how Rook understands his mind and that it helps them build trust, any sort of communication to illustrate the subtler ways they're building their bond. It's clear from Lucanis's journal that they're intended to be spending a decent chunk of their off-time together--so why is there little to no evidence of it in game other than the initial reference? There's no reactivity from Teia and Viago, which made me sad because theirs is the reaction I'd want to see the most. I've gotten lines from Neve and Taash about the romance after it's locked in, and the convo with Emmrich about gifts, but that's it as far as other companions go. Maybe there's stuff I'm missing? Maybe this is something lacking in all the romances.

And honestly as a demi person the final romance scene kinda came out of left field for me. considering it felt like not much communication had been happening leading up to it (minus the pre-endgame convo, which I'm also gonna mini-argue should be more explicit with the emotions involved from Rook's end, like the spanish translation) and understandably a lot has been going on. but I wasn't really expecting it to escalate the way it did with so little dialogue, I'm fine with it but this is one of those cases where I prefer less subtext and more text before something like that happens, actually.

I did a replay where I saved Lucanis's quests until last and that honestly felt a lot better, so maybe the pacing's just a me problem idk. I'm gonna chalk a lot of this stuff up to cut content? and maybe like, the fact that they didn't want to get too specific with Rook's ambient dialogue since they're meant to be player-driven. Going back to the companion romance comparison, it's a lot easier to write dialogue between two characters who are more specifically defined.

Anyway blah blah that's it. i'm nitpicking because overall I'm happy, so anything i feel doesn't work or is lacking is gonna be a gripe, and you can be happy and still have valid criticisms. I enjoyed the game and the writing and the characters quite a lot, and I honestly wasn't expecting to, so yay! Time to gnaw on that subtext and see what kinda creative juice comes out~

[archangeldyke-all]

(I honestly don’t know if my asks are getting in atp but im just gonna keep resending them if they get removed because I’m not a fucking wimp 🗣️‼️‼️)

______

Wait no because what if Sevika had a group chat with her coworkers and shit (Smeech, Ran, Renni, Silco, Finn, Signed, Dustin and ofc her lovely gf <3)

And at least once every two weeks there is ALWAYSSS chaos

Like; Sev and Finn could be arguing and then Ran pulls up with the fucking Curse of Ra 💀or Renni just uses the gc as a shopping list since she forgot to open notes and everyone is just like “Ren, wrong app 💀” or someone points out shit from her list HSHJERJD

PLEASE i'm gonna do the roach 'verse gang, because i think it would be insane.

men and minors dni

silco: if any of u have spare cash on u, bring it to my office and leave it on my desk. i'll pay u back tomorrow.

you: jinx, get off of silco's phone.

lock: fuck, that was jinx? i put ten on his desk!

sevika: idiot.

ran: LMAOOOO IDIOT

thieriam: shit, i put twenty bucks on his desk too.

you: jinx! how much fucking money did you steal?!

deckard: she got me too, that fucker.

ran: you are all so fucking stupid.

singed: just checked the office, the cash and jinx are nowhere to be found.

deckard: fuck!

lock: fuck

thieriam: oh fuck, silco's never gonna pay us back.

silco: no, i'm not. you should all know better by now. i would never use 'u' to type 'you'

ran: this is fucking hilarious

sevika: babe, what's for dinner?

you: you, if i'm lucky ;)

deckard: HELLO?? this is the gc??

sevika: stfu deckard.

ran: no but fr, what's for dinner, roach?

you: idk, i'm thinking chicken chili?

lock: ooooh, with cornbread?

you: sure, if you guys want.

lock: yes please!

ran: yes!!!

deckard: oh, yum.

singed: fuck, roach are you free?

you: yeah?

singed: i just sliced my hand open. can you come stitch me up?

you: lmao, i'm on the way.

ran: roach to the rescue!

sevika: put a heart in the chat if i'm the stupidest one in the gang.

deckard: <3

thieriam: <3

ran: LMAOO <3333333

you: <3

you: jinx, give sevika her phone back.

sevika: i'm gonna kill her someday.

sevika: babe, you put a fucking heart in the chat????

you: cant talk, stitching singed up.

silco: i'm sorry for jinx's behavior today. she's upset that she doesn't have her own phone yet.

lock: it's no fuckin fair! u guys get to talk all the time and i have to steal a phone to be in on the chat!

silco: jinx!

you: lmaoo jinx you can come play on my phone.

lock: fine.

lock: shit, i didn't even notice she took it until she gave it back.

sevika: she's a fuckin' weasel.

you: whats up assholes?

ran: hey jinx. what'd you buy with your stolen money?

you: more flamers. a few candy bars. a new jumbo plushy.

lock: you wanna share your candy?

you: no.

silco: jinx, at least share with the man you stole from.

you: ugh fine. they're in the kitchen lock.

lock: sweet!

thieriam: some of us are trying to work, can we please not abuse the work groupchat for not-work purposes

you: put a heart in the chat if thieriam sucks ass!

sevika: <3

ran: <3

deckard: <3

silco: jinx, what did i tell you about that kind of language?

you: i'm not jinx i'm roach.

thieriam: fuck off jinx, roach would never be so mean to me.

lock: <3

you: effective. Power. لُلُصّبُلُلصّبُررً h  ॣ ॣ ॣ

across from where you're finishing up singed's stitches, deckard gasps down at his phone.

"you fuck!" he exclaims, looking up at jinx where she's sitting beside you. she giggles.

"what'd you do this time?" you ask. she laughs and hands you back your phone, before running out of the lab.

"she shut all our phones down!" he says. "how the fuck did she do that?" he cries.

upstairs, you hear ran and lock's shared groan.

you chuckle and shake your head. "jinx you stupid fuck!" sevika roars from the second floor. you giggle.

"i better go handle that." you say, finishing your final stitch. singed chuckles.

"you better." he says as jinx's squeal floats down to the lab.

taglist!

@fyeahnix @sapphicsgirl @half-of-a-gay @ellabslut @thesevi0lentdelights @sexysapphicshopowner @shimtarofstupidity @love-sugarr @chuucanchuucan @222danielaa @badbye666 @femme-historian @lia-winther @gr0ssz0mbi3 @ellsss @sevikaspillowprincess @leomatsuzaki

[adrianainthesnow]

Hey, this is just a post where I can redirect people who read a certain subset of my fanfictions. This is not meant to go into tags or be reblogged or anything. It's just a reference post.

Hi, so, I wanted to address the situation that happened a while ago now. I will not be using the creator's name in this post because I'm honestly not interested in this going into the tag or anything. If you clicked on a link to get to this post, I use the guys name there, but I'm just going to refer to him as WS if needed here.

This is an awkward post to make, because I really don't feel like it's my place to comment on real life people I don't know. Obviously we've all heard about the WS situation by now, especially considering I took a while to make this post.

I, of course, don't support the actions WS was accused of (and seemed to admit to), but I'm not going to go out of my lane and talk about that. I don't know the people involved beyond their internet personas and I'm not even particularly parasocial. If I didn't write fanfiction about the character WS portrayed, I likely wouldn't make a post at all.

However, I do make fanfiction about that character, so I need to tell people who read my stuff what they can expect in the future.

First, I will not be erasing any of my fics. I do not believe in doing that except in extreme circumstances.

I will be continuing all of my fanfictions that currently have concrete plans involve WS as planned. At this point, that character is very different from the IRL WS. Also, changing the plans for those to erase his character would make them a very different story than the ones I'm telling.

These universes include: Stepping Stones, Raccoon Brother, and Making Your Own Worst Enemy. Two of these only have a few chapters left, but Stepping Stones has a lot left.

Other universes have tentative stories involving WS. These may be delayed or never come to fruition. This involves a backstory in Scorned and the Racoon Brother universe as while they are not WSs backstory, he features heavily. They may still happen, but we will see. I especially like the backstory in Scorned so... Idk.

I will likely not be making fics that involve the WS character in the future once these fics are finished. He will likely be written out of fics where he hasn't appeared yet and won't be planned for in fics I haven't come up with yet.

If you are no longer able to read my fics involving WS, I completely understand. I know some people have complex emotions about them. If so, thank you for reading when you felt comfortable doing so, and maybe I'll see you again in another fandom or story. They will still be there if you ever feel like returning.

I wish you all the best past and current readers.

[sol-consort]

You're working through the main missions now, but do you have any favorite side missions at the moment? Thoughts on the tarot card graffiti?

Flaming dick man, flaming dick man my beloved.

He never picks up, but I still call him from time to time. Hoping for an update on Mr.stud's implant, maybe a review?

I only finished Watson's side missions so far. Picking a quest randomly while travelling through the city, mostly when I'm fresh out of eddies having blown it all on clothes stores.

Tier 5 drops seem to be common, so I guess I'm at that level. This is my current build and the weapons I use.

I'm kinda lost at the moment, so I'd greatly appreciate any advice! I'm trying to achieve a stealth takedown/ long-range sniper build. I don't like smart weapons either. The second I finish Skippy's quest, I'll get rid of the implant... maybe. The tattoo is cool, ngl.

Most thing I'm confused about, where do I invest my points into? Do I keep going with the Cool/Reflex/Tech combo until they're all 20? What's with the locked sixth category at the bottom? Do I save points for it just incase?

I still haven't used the reset points ability, apparently it's a one-time thing.

Is there a way to change the appearance of weapons? Like their colours? I found a cool pink/gold Grad sniper! From an enemy.

but then I crafted a higher rarity one, and it physically pained me to do the switch to an all black sniper.

Also, I got the memory wipe quickhack, and it's been a godsend in taking down those cyberpschyos non-lethaly. Just wipe their memory, crouch behind them, and press X. Regina seems delighted. I wonder if it makes a difference if you kill them or not? Idk, but Regina's praise is enough, honestly.

I love the tarot cards! The art style, I mean.

A lot of times, I just stand in front of them and attempt to guess which card it is before I scan it.

So far, I've colexted 11 cards and guessed 0 right out of those.

It's impressive at this point how consistently inaccurate my guesses are, probably because I keep yelling, "THAT'S DEATH RIGHT! IT'S GOTTA BE" at every card I see, seeing how it's the only card I remember the name of. But hey, eventually, it gotta be death, right?

Does something happen when you collect them all? I thought they were just a nice little extra egg hunt mini game. Imma focus on finishing the collection today and see for myself.

I finished the Evelyn Parker mission, the one after finding Dr.fingers. It was... hard to go through. I kept pausing many times, considered dropping the mission a lot. The things you see, a lot of them are genuine fears of mine, some things I even relate to. It was terrifying. The complete loss of autonomy, the naked corpses laying around, the furnace they used to dispose of them as if they were bags of trash. The indignity of it all. The writing's on the wall inside the cell with the handcuffs, "I'm not me not me not me not me not me"

I don't want to get into it, so I won't. I'm glad this game had this section, and how they didn't tiptoe around the subject but completely showed it to you bare.

It also really changed my perspective on Johnny. How little empathy and regard he seemed to have about the whole place, the victims, even Evelyn herself. Calling her a dumb whore, saying he would've just splashed water on her face then and there, forced her to answer his questions. Saying "or she might be a good actor" as if she was faking the traumatised state she's in

Is Johnny a bad person?

It depends. Do the ends justify the means?

As a regular person to deal with, a friend, a partner, a brother, he has a certain charm to him. Rough and sarcastic, witty with his insults, but cool nonetheless. He has the air of a cooler older figure who doesn't give a shit about all the posers, who smokes, rides bikes, weilds a katana, and just be badass in general. So when you're in a car with a guy like him, you can't help but go along when he says, "Ready to roll, or what?" You want to go along with his flow, it's infectious. The way he gives advice is too convincing, even if you hate him, you find yourself agreeing because he seems to have his shit figured out.

As a human? He's self-centered and has very little care for other human's lives or well-being. True/chaotic neutral? He won't go out of his way to harm someone for some sick kick, but he won't help someone just because either. He's sceptical and doubtful of people. He has no courtesy, no grace, no politeness. All social rules are set ablaze. He will insult even his dearest friends if they get on his nerve. He is not above harming others to achieve his goals. He has no care for casualties or consequences.

As an activist, he's not afraid to stand up and yell the crude truth eveyone else is too afraid to say. He's the one with a lifted fist when others have their heads buried in the ground, he tried to shake the world awake, truly tried. Not for a legacy, not for fame. He saw the corruption and tried to cut it from the root, he's the king at the frontline of the march into battle, ready to sacrifice his life for the cause. He wanted to eradicate evil, merciless, steered by his convection, immune to bribery and seduction. He's the perfect leader you want for a cause, the one who actually gets shit done and won't settle for less than complete overthrow of the rotten system.

Johnny would've prefered blowing up the whole Deathhead operation base, rather than sneak in, without a care to the possibilities of still-alive victims being in the building. The only reason he didn't encourage you to, was because he wanted the information Evelyn had. He didn't give a fuck about her safety, only wanted to use her to advance his plot.

So, do the ends justify the means? If a bad guy is using an innocent bystander as a human shield, would you still shoot?

What Johnny wants to achieve is noble. How he's achieving it is the farthest thing from the word.

It's not a situation of circumstances, either. A lot of times, he has many other choices, but he still walks this road specifically. No one is forcing his hand. This is how he operates willingly, enthusiastically, even. He mocks V when you pick the softer options.

Also talking about how complex of an antagonist Johnny is, look at those cool pictures I took!

Cool = symbolism

You know how if you zoom in with the camera at Johnny, he glitches out into blue because he's a hallucination?

I position V on the ground, with him above on purpose to showcase the power imbalance. With V sitting between his feet, the more control they've giving up to him—or more accurately, with Johnny sitting on their mind, as in their brain.

So it paints him as this powerful being pulling V by the strings along, like a puppet with its master. The corpse he's piloting.

But then you zoom in and

He begins to disappear, once you take a closer look.

He fizzles out like a mirage, there was no puppeteer.

And all that's left is just V.

What was that saying again? the most powerful prisons are those in your mind.

[arielstruggles]

Banished Angel

the dawn of regret chp.2

pairing: joel miller x fem reader

summary: you decide to do as he asks and act like nothing has happened. It only works till a certain point.

w.c: 4.2k

warnings: slight angst, mentions of death and sexual harassment, age gap, no smut, a little bit emotions and suff, some fluff, some cheesiness, idk i'll add if i can find

a/n: I could not proof read it since it's 5 in the morning when i finish this so sorry in advance. I do have two different ideas out how their relationship evolve but i can't decide honestly. Also didn't add any smut because i wanted to deepen their emotional connection anyway hope you enjoy! chapter one here chapter three

(p.s. Feedbacks are appreciated.)

"Just because we fucked does not mean you are something to me. You are clearly desperate for attention. You want someone to love you. But that ain’t me. You’re nobody." When you close the door behind you, his voice echoes inside of your head. For a split second, with the heat of the moment you were naïve enough to think that he also had feelings for you. Though you stopped yourself from crying in front of him you can’t stop this time, when you are all by yourself in your living room. Tears come one by one and you are unable to interrupt them. You pull your knees to yourself and wrap your arms around them and a loud sob leaves your lips. “you’re nobody” it hurts. The loneliness that mustered inside you for years surfaces. You have nobody to lean on since both of your parents got infected and left you in this messed up world all by yourself. His words hit somewhere so close to home that you desperately tried to hurt him back. You are all alone, you literally need someone to love you as he said. He saw right through you; you have never felt so exposed. That’s why now you feel like somebody is ripping your heart out. Maybe it was an hour of intimacy but it felt like more than that. It was the first time in years somebody hold you like he did. You were trying to survive when Maria and Tommy found you in a fucking cave all by yourself, you could have died and nobody would even know you existed. You were so close to starving; they take you with them. You can’t stop crying, your body shakes with each sob. Years of agony finally let’s itself loose with this morning’s disappointment. Your eyelids get heavier with each tear drop. When you wake up from your nap, your head hurts. The sharp, throbbing pain does not help your already fucked up emotional state. Your pocket watch shows that it’s 7pm which means it has been six long hours since that incident. Thoughts flood to your head once again. You start to question yourself. Why he snapped so suddenly? Did I so something wrong?  Maybe you did something to deserve all his words. When he was touching you, kissing you hungrily it felt like your souls are bonding, apparently this was not the case for him. Your touch starved body greeted him so eagerly when he kissed you or when you were laying on his chest. You have never been a realist person, even in the darkest times you found something bright or else you could not have survived all alone for years. So naturally, you expected same thing from Joel, you expected a couple of nice words from him. A cold chuckle leaves your lips and melts into air when you realize how you needed someone to take care of you. You wanted him to say I love you. But you don’t even know whether you are in love with him or not. Maybe expecting so much was your fault but being so mean was definitely his.

Different thoughts about Joel dwell on your mind while you prepare yourself something to eat. A part of you still waits for him to knock on your door and apologize. But he does not. You eat your food in silence and find different things to occupy your mind to not to think of where he touched you. You definitely do not think about how you melted in his arms. You could swear that his smell is still on you, you were that close. But now you are far from each other. Maybe I am looking at things from a very sentimental perspective, you mutter. Still desperate to find a tiniest bit of reason to forgive him. A little bit of affection is all you crave. But then you remember his poisonous words. It is obvious that he will not do anything so you decide to act like nothing has happened. Just like he has said. “You forget what happened, I’ll do the same.”  Unless he comes by an apologize properly you will act like nothing has happened. You will say hello and goodbye but that will be it. Just like before.

He is not as careless as you think though. Guilt accumulates in his chest with each passing second. He swallows a big sip from his whiskey watching the wall right across him. He remembers every little detail. How you get excited when he touched your thigh, how flushed your face when you watch yourself on the mirror. When he saw how excited you are, he could almost feel your racing heartbeats. A crooked smile creeps up on his lips for a second but he immediately remembers how things turned out because of him and his face get clouded with shame and guilt once again. But it was for the best, he thinks.  He was old enough to be your dad. He could never do such thing. He would feel like a predator. Even though you are a fully grown adult you were thirty years younger than him. In his eyes, this was unacceptable. No, he would rather you to hate him rather than feeling like he’s taking advantage of you. But this does not stop him from thinking the sweet moment you had earlier. “You deserve to die alone! If your daughter knew all this, she would’ve hated you.” he questions whether Sarah would have hated him or not. Would she hate him because he fucked a girl who is younger than her daughter, or would she hate her because of how he treated her. The questions stay unanswered. At the back of his mind, he knows he deserves to die alone. He killed so many people, he told so many lies. He was the far cry from a good man. As much as he tries to redeem himself, he still has nightmares of random strangers begging for his mercy. But he can’t change the past. And he most definitely can’t put his bloody hands on you, not again

Even though you decided to act like nothing has happened you are not sure if you can manage to do that so you try your hardest to avoid him. You don’t leave your house for three days. You will inevitably see him on your next patrol but until then you don’t want to see him however you crave his touch, you can’t stop yourself from wanting to hug him tightly, burrow your face in his neck. On the third day of your self-isolation you leave your house to get some alcohol in your system. The more you isolate yourself the more you think about him so you think it’d helpful to drink something, to numb your senses a little bit. When you stepped inside Tipsy Bison you are grateful that he is not there. You get yourself a drink and sit on a stool, sipping your drink when you see Tommy approaches you. You are not sure if Joel told him anything or not but you decide to shut your mouth anyway. “couldn’t see you since your patrol, you okay?” he asks “everything is fine, I was just needed some alone time.” you lie. He nods and leaves you alone. You’re not so sure if he believes you. After a couple of drinks you head to your empty home, cold atmosphere embraces you when you step inside. Your eyes catch a glimpse of a broad figure in front of your door while you sit on the chair by the window. You peer up at him behind curtains. You are not that drunk, you’re just tipsy so you can’t be imagining him, can you? Are you that desperate for him? You don’t even realize you’re holding your breath and wait for him to knock. Then he decides not to and leaves your door without even saying anything. Your blood boils in your veins. “Coward.” You scream but he can’t hear you. “Coward” but his action fuels you. He could have knocked on your door and apologize, for god’s skae he came to your door. But he didn’t even have the guts to knock. You know better than ever know. You are done with his stupidity.

When your patrol day comes you get ready and wait for Joel outside your door. You are nor nervous, not after he comes to your door then leaves without even facing with you. When he approaches you, Your calm state startles you. Heart break and disappointment buried deep inside your soul. You are certain, you will act like nothing has happened since you are a nobody. “hello.” You say, your voice is not as cold as you intended it to be. He nods in return. No talking, just a small gesture. “We will go this way.” He gestures with his hand. “okay.” The atmosphere is tense, you wait for Joel to say something mean to break your heart even more but he does not. It’s still dark outside. And quiet. You can hear your footsteps. There is a stupid part of you, still dying for his attention. But for the first time in your life your senses overpowers and you don’t say anything. You see freshly bloomed flowers and cheer up for a brief moment.  “Oh my god! Didn’t know there are still flowers blooming!” you chirp. Joel smiles at your reaction but you don’t see it. “It is rare, but there are indeed flowers blooming some places.” He comments with his usual distant tone. you don’t expect a comment from him at all and he does not know why he felt the urge to reply. You pick up a flower and put it inside your notebook. You walk and walk. Then you reach to the radio tower which is this week’s final destination for you. You climb the stairs and get inside. You listen carefully to hear if there are any clickers around, it is quiet then you rest your back to wall and sit on the floor. For now, at least. After a while Joel returns and joins you. Silence lingers on in the room. It is unnerving. You are dying to talk but unless he talks you won’t. You steal glances from him. His greying hair looks extra soft and curly today. He seems like he didn’t shave for a long time. After a while you close your eyes to rest them, you know you are not allowed to sleep during your patrols, so you are just resting. But then you fell asleep. This situation maddens Joel, he finds it irresponsible. He calls your name a couple of times but you are not a light sleeper. He lets you sleep. Your eyelashes trembling every once in a while, and you murmur nonsense in your sleep, but you seem so comfortable even if you sleep in a sitting position. As if he does not feel guilty, your sleeping figure makes it worse. He feels like a disgusting human being. He tries to find something to make a makeshift blanket but he can’t. And not to give you a further hope he does not cover you with his coat. After making sure you’re fast asleep he quietly approaches you, brushing your hair with his fingers softly. His touch is feather light so it does not even wake you. He tucks the hair that falls in front of your eyes, behind your ears. For a second he questions about doing or not doing it then he kisses your temple lightly and gets back to his place that he was sitting earlier. When you wake up Joel almost barks at you “You are supposed to stay awake!” you snap back “you could have woken me up!” “well, I tried.” He rolls his eyes. The rest of your patrol goes pretty much quiet. Then you go back to Jackson.

Even though he told you to act like nothing has happened your approach towards him bugs Joel. Deep down he expects you to hate him or like him. His self-hatred is too powerful that he can’t think nobody could care about him without wanting a favor back. But you care about him. A part of him is desperate for this. He is in a constant battle with himself. He is not a good man or a bad man. He does what he had to do. But it does not feel like it. So, neither being with you nor letting you to fall for him is not even an option in his eyes.  He does not know he already gave you enough reason to think about him constantly. Thank god your pride is stronger than your emotions or else you’d be begging for his love. Days pass rather dull since you can’t stop your thoughts about Joel so one night you do something extremely dangerous and stupid. It’s past midnight and mostly everywhere covered with snow. You wear your gloves and coat, take your backpack and gun then leave your house for a night walk. At first you are certain that you are still in Jackson and close to your home. With each step you take you get further away from Jackson. The last thing you know is you are fucking lost. In the dead of night on a freezing weather. At first you think you are getting closer because you think you see a light then you realize it is a mistake. After fifteen minutes of wandering around you have no reliable solution to return your warm bed. Your brain tries to keep you calm but your heart wants to scream. Screaming is the stupidest thing you can do so you are trying to keep your cool. In the middle of your loud thoughts, you hear footsteps. Your hand slides to the gun in its holster and you hold your breath. Your heartbeats get faster and faster. You can see the siluette of the figure approaches you. “Joel?” you call his name. Your hand is on your gun. But it is not Joel. It is another man. You don’t know who he is, but there is a chance that he might be a raider, the moment you turn the other side you see another man. One of them speaks “Would you like to come with us? we live down here with a group of people.” his voice is disturbing. You know you can’t trust them. Your grip tightens around your gun but your hands are shaking. With the adrenaline rush in your veins, you run and run till you run out of breath they run after you. At this point you have not a clue about where you are. Your gun fell on the ground and once you think it is safe enough you kneel to look for your gun. With the sharp pain at the nape of your neck you black out.

When your vision starts to come back the first thing you realize is you are not in the woods, hell you don’t even know where you are because it is so fucking dark. Your hands and legs are tied tightly and you sit on the floor. Your mouth is taped. You feel like you are about to die. All the memories rush through your head from your childhood to this day not all of them desirable. Even though a voice at the far back in your head desires death at the moment, you desperately want to live. You curse that you didn’t take your pocket knife with you, not that you could do anything but maybe it would have been helpful since you dropped your gun and don’t even know where it is. The man you first saw approaches you in the darkness. “so, what brings you here?” he asks you can’t answer because of the tape but even If you could you would not. He then, rips off the tape on your mouth. “answer me!” “fuck yourself.” You bark. You don’t know what is the reason behind this anger. Your own stupidity? This motherfucker? or Joel? Probably all of them. When he slaps across your face your face burn with pain. It fucking stings. He grips your hair tightly and makes you look at him “watch out your mouth cunt. You don’t want to die, are you?” “do it you coward. Kill me already.” You know this is not the best response you could give. He yanks your head to the wall behind you and you feel dizzy with the sensation, the following punch on your nose causes the warm blood leaking from your nose. “are you a raider?” you ask, it is a stupid question but apparently this man is more stupid than you. “congrats your guess is correct!” he answers with a condescending tone. “why did you kidnap me?” “because you seemed like a good use.” We can trade you with food, we can fuck you, you know a whore is needed in an all-men camp.”  His grin is the most disgusting thing you have ever seen, you try to memorize his features because one day you may have to kick his ass, his blonde hair and blue eyes make him a villain already. When the other man comes the blonde one shuts his mouth. He tries to feed you with some disgusting looking food just so you don’t lose your “appeal” and when you spit on his face another smack is you get in return. The quiet one is just checking out just in case blonde one needs a backup. You try your best to look tough in front of these monsters but the urge to cry is so strong. You know how horrible raiders are. You don’t know the time but you can choose sunlight from here and there in this god forsaken room. A couple of hours later though when it’s light enough, you realize that you are in the shed you and joel had sex. You want to throw up. You see the mirror, the couch. “You and that old man had a great time here.” The blonde man grins as if sensing your thoughts. The heat rises from your cheeks. You hate the idea of these vile creatures know about you. “I wish we could watch, but hearing your moans gave me a boner.” He laughs. “maybe I should taste that cunt too?” you are beyond repulsed at the moment. Fear, disgust and sadness takes control of you. “you can only fuck your fist. You ugly motherfucker.” “wanna test it out?”  the quiet tells him to shut up. You hear a scream and the quiet man leaves the shed leaving you alone with the blonde man.

As if he is waiting for this moment, he gets closer to you. He rubs your cheek. “now, we’re alone. I’ll see what that old man could taste.” When he gets closer to kiss you, you hit his head with your head. He yelps in pain and he tightly wrap his hands around your neck. You can hardly breath. You are certain that in a minute you’ll be dead. When you see Joel creeping in behind the blonde man tears run down on your cheeks “don’t cry pretty girl, you’ll be dead soon.” Then Joel knocks him out and gives him a couple of serious wounds. He unties your ankles and wrists and he hugs you tightly. “the man-““don’t worry about him now, Tommy is around, he will take care of it.” he says. He helps you out and you leave the shed together. “there was another man.” “I know darling” you feel so tired but the safety being next to him is unexplainable.

He takes you his home and sits you on his couch while wrapping you in a blanket. When he returns with a warm cloth, he wipes down your face. “Now, tell me darling what the fuck was the reason for you to leave your house at the ass crack of dawn!” he says sternly. He thinks it has been a couple of hours… “How you found me?” “the marks in the snow. Also, I reckoned you might get a lil emotional and stuff.” So, he thought you would visit the shed because of the memories. “Why did you leave your house?” the Texan rasps while softly patting the cloth. “I was bored and I wanted to take a night walk.” “You left your house at night! Are you outta your goddamn mind girl!” You don’t have an answer for that. “You know how dangerous that is? You know what they could do to you? look at you your face is a mess!” “Why do you care!” he does not have an answer for your question. Because his heart and brain tells two different things “How did you realize I was not at home Joel?” you mutter . “stop by your place this mornin’ you didn’t answer. Knocked and called out your name, you didn’t answer. Thought you were, yknow mad at me or somethin’ then I wanted to check in anyway, you forgot to lock your back door by the way.” He smiles guiltily. Then you realize he entered your house and could not find you. “your backpack was gone and I thought, you left then I told Tommy, we decided to look for ya.” You feel all warm and fuzzy. All your anger is gone instantly.

“why did you stop by my place?” you ask. He does not answer. But you have a wild guess. You choose to keep it to yourself. “I thought I was going to-““shhh” he kisses your forehead. “I got you.” You are scared to ask another question. The former memory of you still tickles your brain. He holds you softly by the chin and intently studies your scars with furrowed brows. “You need any painkillers? Asprin?” “no” you are enough, you want to add but you don’t. Now you have no idea how to respond him. His actions may be deriving from your state. Or maybe he really cares about you! you are not sure. Your eyes lock for a while. You lose yourself in his chocolate browns. The more he looks at you the more he feels guilty because he wants to kiss you “did they do any-“ you interrupt him “no.” he nods. He gets up from the couch and leave you all alone with your thoughts. The power he holds on you is unbelievable. He was holding you a second ago and you miss his touch already. When he returns with two mugs in his hands you let yourself lose the control of your emotions for once again. “thought I’d help” he hands you the cup when you take it from him your fingers brush each other and you the pool of emotions gets bigger inside you. You smile warmly in return. He sits right beside you, you sip your coffees in silence. This time, you let the silence linger. It does not bother you. On the contrary, it calms you down. You lean your head on his shoulder, he leaves a kiss on your forehead. You don’t know it is the second forehead kiss he has given you, you were asleep in the first one. You wonder how long will it take for him to return his grumpy self. For the moment though you embrace the closeness you are in. It feels so genuine. You tilt your head up and look at him intently “what?” “nothing.” he wants to kiss you so bad. But it feels wrong. This time you take the lead and kiss him not knowing whether he will push you away or kiss you back. He does not push you away. When your tongues meet with each other, the familiarity greets you. You kiss deeply. It almost feels romantic. With each touch or kiss you get use to his presence. You know it is slowly turning into an addiction. He is the one who breaks the kiss. “You needa rest.” “I’m fine” “no.” he carries you to his bed bridal style. It’s barely afternoon but when your back touches the bed, you realize you tired you are. He tucks you in and starts walking away when you call his name “Joel?” “what?” you catch the slight usual grumpy tone. “can you sleep with me?” you sound as if you’re begging. At this point you are embarrassing yourself, but you don’t care. He huffs in return but does not deny your request. He slides in under the blanket like you on his back faces you. You want to ask him to spoon you but decide to shut up and spoon him instead. When your wrap your arms around his torso a smile creeps up on his face though you can’t see it. You nuzzle against his neck and breathe him in. you don’t know what is going to happen next but the security that he gives makes you forget your worries. You fell asleep soon after. He is a banished angel not only from heaven but also from hell, laying in your arms, letting you hold him.

------------------------------------------------------------------------

tags: @orcasoul @eliza-8

[reyreadersblog]

TGG SPOILERS (tiny review)

Also it's not proof read so there is like shit tons of mistakes but don't mind it😌

I loved the book, i loved the characters (and romance🤭) usually i wait for a few days to rate a book, so i'll probablu redo it and write a full review in 2-3 days...

I don't want to spoil much so this is going to be very short and overall.

What i liked:

I loved how unpredictable new characters were, at first you trust them and you're rooting for them and then second later they may seem suspesious. I loved all 3 pov characters: Lyra, Gigi and Rohan. Gigi is such a girlboss (exept for the end...don't get me started on the ending UGHHH) Lyra too, i loved how her character was different from others, like at the same time she kinda reminded me of Gray but i honestly think they're complete opossites (other than trauma bonding🤝🏻) i loved that players had to work their way out together, AND the fact that they all had conversation with each other. I LOVED HOW THERE WAS ONLY ONE MINOR MENTION OF EMI*Y AND NOTHING

THE CLIFFHANGER?? helloooooo

What i didn't like:

For me the book sometimes book felt paced, sometimes slow paced, i mean i liked how the game started really quickly, but...it felt so...forced... i think she could've finish the whole game in one book and the second book "glorious rivals" could've been about the same pov characters, just slightly different plot.

Don't kill me but i feel like the riddles and mysteries were overdone, i understand that the point of whole game was to solve riddlex to win the money tho there were TOO much, or mabye i'm just dumb and they made me feel even more dumb..

I was kicking my feet at Lyrason moments but i expected more idk😭😭 like i hated how the whole plot and romantic interactions were just solving riddles.

None of the secrets were answered which really pissed me off.

Now characters:

Brady- YOU FUCKING ASSHOLE I CAN'T BELIEVE I CALLED YOU HOT, YOU DICKHEAD.

Slater- glad i never trusted this idiot. The moment i read that he worked for Eve i was like...NAH.

Eve-.....REDEMPTION ARC MY ASS.

Savannah- gurl i'm srry but you really made me mad...idgaf if she was manipulated like YOUR TWIN WAS LITERALLY KIDNAPPED BCS OF YOUR STUPIDITY.

Odette- this woman is SO confusing and sus...i don't think i trust any word she says...

Gigi- i LOVED her, i loved her when i read tbh i love her even more now..and i'm scared that she is slowly starting to lose her "sunshine" side and this whole keeping THE SECRET and betrayal thing didn't do her justice either.... but istg if Eve does something to her....(i was in shock when i finished the book)

Lyra- i feel so bad for her, like this girl ONLY wants to know the truth and then to finally foget about her past but they kept SMASHING her trauma in her face💀💀😭😭 i loved her. Every moment we got of Lyra and Grayson i SCREAMED.

Rohan- this man is a shameless flirt "Savy"...EKKKKKKKKKKKEKEEEKEEE, i literally didn't pay attention to anything other than his flirting skills lmaooo

Grayson- oh..THIS MAN HAD ME SCREAMING...he was so hot in every moment, also is it just me who noticed that he was very much..."soft" in this book..compared to others..idk (mabye he just has a soft spot for Lyra)

Knox- ....nothing, literally nothing.

[thecircularsystem]

System Headcanons: My Little Pony

Starting off some headcanon posting with my old fave. I binged My Little Pony as a teen, and I only stopped because it became an activity I did with my mom, and well, that is over and done with now. When I make a larger post of this, I'll definitely have all the shows under my belt, but for now, this is just a brief, brief overview.

So: who in MLP are systems? This is just going to be a general overview. But it's not really that many. In fact, across the entire series that I've seen so far (which is through Season 7 and some of the EQG movies), I've only found two characters that I think are good candidates.

(Note: I'm not saying that any of these characters are, canonically, systems. I'm saying that it could be cool to look at them this way!)

Let's start with the obvious one.

Pinkie Pie: At best, an endogenic system.

Believe it or not, I don't really headcanon Pinkie to be a system. I think a lot in the fanbase who know about systemhood do, but I honestly associate her far more with BPD than systemhood (particularly due to the initial pinkie-centric episode in Season 1 where her friends throw her a party). The biggest argument I see for plurality for Pinkie Pie is the mirror pond episode, where she creates clones of herself. However, those clones are returned to the mirror pond -- not to Pinkie Pie's consciousness. There's not really any other evidence that would indicate Pinkie Pie as being a system, either. It could be argued that she shares consciousness with the other Pinkies, however, if she remembers what they did that day. Since I don't recall any evidence to the contrary, it's possible that she could be considered plural.

Personally, I just don't see it. In fact, I don't think there's particularly any evidence for any of the Mane 6 to be a system. Regardless of some of my ideas surrounding cutie marks and personhood (the cutie map would show more than a single ponies cutie mark, yes, if they were multiple people in one body? Or would it only show the cutie mark of the body?), the fact remains that they don't display any plural aspects.

But there's one candidate who I think is slept on entirely.

Princess Luna. Who I think is definitely a mixed-origin system, or could be argued as entirely traumagenic.

The biggest reason for this is not actually Nightmare Moon -- though it is obvious that Luna still carries those memories with her to this day. No, the reason why Luna is a system in my eyes is the Tantabus. Introduced in Episode 13 of Season 5, the Tantabus is a creation of Lunas own mind to torture her with the memory of what she's done.

... Yeah, when we watched that, our persecutor pointed at the screen and went, "Hey, that's me."

We think it could be argued that Luna is entirely traumagenic -- the Tantabus was formed from her guilt and stress over the calamity that was Nightmare Moon, as well as the loss that she experienced of 1000 years of imprisonment -- but I think you could also say she's mixed-origins. That's because she admits that the Tantabus is created.

There's plenty more evidence for this, of course, but I'll be going into that in a fuller, more in depth overview of Luna, including dialogue and plot points. But the biggest thing I want to say here is that the Tantabus is not ever actually defeated. In the episode where Luna and Ponyville face off with the Tantabus, it isn't dissipated or banished or reformed. Instead, Luna claims it for her own, taking it into her. She accepts the Tantabus instead of dismissing it.

IDK FAM sounds PRETTY PLURAL TO ME.

After I rewatch the series, or at least finish it, I'll be posting a more in-depth thing about Luna. But I want to hear your thoughts! Who do you think could be seen as a system?

[creativeartgal]

Epic x Obey Me au spoilers

Since both obey me and epic ended this past month I wanted to ramble about this au I've been thinking about since I got into epic this past few months.

Ok so basically this started when I first heard the song Ruthlessness. I kinda knew about epic before this but this song was the first time I saved a song to my playlist. One day I was listening to it, and because I'm obsessed with obey me, I thought about what if this was Michael saying it to mc. And then I had a whole idea for a single self contained animatic that I never actually did cause im not confident enough to do it. (This idea was after season 2 of nb ended but before season 3) Basically it was Michael showing up cause he wants to kill the MC. Here Simeon takes the place of the cyclops but instead of him being blinded its him turning human and in this animatic this is how it would get revealed to everyone else. Then Michael would intimate MC but when it gets to the part "I mean you totally could have avoided this had you just killed my son" he would be looking to Lucifer or even shape shift to look like Lucifer in reference almost having to kill him with the knight dagger. And I didn't really have any really good idea on the rest of the song but had it put to the side in something I would eventually do. And after the thunder saga came out I finally gave in and decided to listen to the whole thing and became obsessed with it like I knew I would (my coworkers can prove this as I will just start signing whatever song from this that pops in my head that day)

While I was listening whenever Ruthlessness came up I would try to finish it up more and more and then I had a pretty decent idea on how it would go and then I was thinking it would be cool if I did a short thing with Monster where at the end during "then I'll become the monster..." Have my mc started showing a demon form and during "Penelope... and telemakus" sees Mammon and their kids and try to go to them but they fade away and the imagined demon form only for after the line "I'll become the monster" the demon form flashes briefly. Kinda also relevant but not fully I can totally see using Wouldn't You Like to be that part of season 1 og during the retreat when Solomon lends you magic to help make a pact with Asmo. It just fits his so well I'm so gonna do that eventually. Then at some point I had this idea for this Epic Au for Obey Me.

So in this Au is fully based on the songs except adding obey me characters in place of the epic ones. It can either start with Ruthlessness or that would be used as a flashback instead to explain how things got the way they are. Basically this is years after mc become a sorcerer. The world's are starting to get more open with each other and there are human and angels at rad for the Three Worlds Festival. MC is married and has kids with Mammon (granted this is cause I use my mc here but honestly the more I think about it, it makes more sense for it to be a Mc with Diavolo especially when considering the stuff that happens in Ithaca) everything is going well when Michael shows up with an army of Angels behind him (add in a unwilling Raphael for angst). Then the Ruthlessness idea but now demons angels and even humans are fighting in battle many of the main characters get injured but MC and Solomon somehow managed to help the others escape ala "all I have to do is open this bag" maybe a spell or a magical item I don't have all the kinks worked out yet. This is a start of a war between the three realms and MC and Solomon are basically forced to help fight for the Human realm even though MC wants to stay in the devildom with their family.

Then it would just go along the same as the musical, again I don't really have everything thing figured out. One other thing I wanna mention is that I can see Solomon taking the place of Athena it fits so well (maybe thirteen could be Hermes idk). Idk I just wanted to get this out there. If anyone wants to add to this or make your own au based on this pls do and either tag me or send me a link cause I would love to see it. I'm not the best at this kinda stuff but I know there are a lot of other people who could make something really good. I might still make those animatics eventually but I ain't making any promises lol

[satans-codpiece]

Darkfic Enjoyer here. please share some of your dark thoughts since you said you only unleashed your demons in only one fic of yours >:)

With Ramattra, you mean? Because EY doesn't even come close to releasing demons as compared to a lot of stuff I wrote with Kylo Ren or Michael Myers.

I just never really got a lot of darkfic inspiration for him? I honestly haven't in quite a while-- I dunno if that's better commentary on my relationship with my recent string of blorbos or on my mental health lol. Because the potentiality for darkfic with Ramattra is right there.

TW: Noncon, kidnapping, paralysis/forced to watch, injury, probably more

I briefly started a hard noncon fic where Reader is injured and/or pinned in the wake of a Null Sector attack and Ramattra unleashes some of that pent-up rage on them. Lots of Ramattra using his strength to keep Reader still and him talking about how this is justified by the simple fact that they are human and deserve to suffer as so many omnics have.

But I just didn't have the drive to write it?? There's so many WIPs I have with him that I want to finish but can't force my awful brain to look at for more than a few minutes at a time, but with the noncon fic I wrote a little bit and then my brain was like mmm, no. not this flavor. I still love reading noncon with Ramattra, I just don't have that drive to write it.

Hell, even, a Reaper/Reader noncon fic (with Sombra/Ramattra noncon in the background) was of higher interest to me than Ramattra/Reader noncon.

(For interested parties: where Talon is done using NS so Reaper & Sombra are sent to deal with Ramattra & Reader, but in particular Reaper's more than happy to make a point on what happens to people who betray Talon. so Sombra disables Ramattra-- but makes sure that he's awake and aware of what's happening as Reaper attacks Reader, with maybe some unwanted wireplay so that he's forced to cum watching it).

But with Megatron it comes so naturally. The very first thing I wrote with him was “Mmm, fabricating desire in exchange for your own survival is hardly the worst idea your species has had.” Literally the first line of dialogue my muse spat out to me was him accusing (and approving of!!) Reader trying to seduce him so that he wouldn't kill them.

And everything I have written with him since then-- which is all unfinished or no-context snippets that idk if I'll post-- has involved some degree of fuckedupness.

Megatron/Reader mutual noncon + Starscream/Megatron/Reader where Starscream catches Reader & forces them to suck off a regular gun. And Reader's humiliated and scared and just so confused as to why Starscream has this regular human gun laying around- until they realize it's literally Megatron stuck in a new alt mode that they've been polishing with their tongue. To which Starscream giddily fucks them with Megatron's barrel and the whole time Reader is terrified because... what does an overload look like for a gun? Also, Starscream's motivation is much more centered on Megatron, Reader is completely incidental and just gave him an opportunity.

Megatron & Knock Out discussing the mental health implications of kidnapping a human for morale (everyone is jealous of the Autobots' pets obviously). Namely, Reader is having a bad time of it- who wouldn't?- and Megs suggests to KO that he'd rather kill this high-strung human now and replace them with one more... agreeable before the crew gets attached. KO (who is already attached) insists that Reader will feel better as they get acclimated.

During the events of Rock Bottom (TFP), it's Reader who finds Megatron. They, naively, agree to help him (because it's the right thing to do TM) in exchange for his promise that he won't harm any of the other humans or autobots in the mine. Of course, he just kidnaps Reader at the end instead. When they're furiously kicking the inside of his jet form, he'll insist he didn't lie; they weren't harmed, were they?

Not really super dark in the way any of the above are, but literally just a little dubcon-y drabble with Reader & Megatron making out and Megatron's denta cut Reader's lip. And Reader tries to back off, but Megatron is so fucking horny about it that he holds them still and kisses them harder.

And that's just what I've written. I've also toyed with Facsimile!Reader where Megatron fucks you because why not, you exist only to serve the decepticon cause and, well, you basically feel like a human on the inside and he's curious. Super fucked up not because of the dubcon but more in tone, that you entire existence is for obeying him and serving him and dying for him and you're okay with that.

[s4pphic-sh3nan1gans]

hi! the bokris yapping never ends, so i'm here again 🥰 what types of stories about bokris do you enjoy the most? maybe some fave tropes or dynamic or kinks or plot points you enjoy reading about (the "creative differences" for example lmao or smth like that)? maybe you'd like to read something about them but it's not been written by anyone yet?

OOOOOO these are interesting questions!!!

I have to think about this for a minute lowkey 😭 honestly I'll read pretty much anything bokris-related, and I'm sure I must have read about 95% of the bokris fics on ao3. but as for my absolute favourite tropes, this is what I can come up with:

any variation of first kiss/getting together/confession of feelings - maybe I'm a bit basic for this one but I'm a sucker for reading about how they go from casual flirting to serious flirting to falling in love, and how the lines are blurred in between.

friends to lovers - again, basic 😅 but I never get tired of reading about them slowly falling for each other over the years.

enemies to lovers - now this one works perfectly when paired with the distortion saga or the creative differences saga. the drama, the conflicting feelings... AAAAA!!! I eat that shit UP!

mutual pining/miscommunication/idiots in love - this is an absolutely lethal combo but I kinda love it for bokris. both of them being extremely dense and not realising that the other has feelings for them fits them perfectly. it makes me want to bonk their silly little heads together.

teasing - in every sense of what this means, either sexually or non-sexually. and it's pretty versatile too: Bojan could be teasing Kris because he wants to see him flustered or to get a rise out of him, or Kris could be teasing Bojan because he's been far too cocky lately and could do with being taken down a few notches 🤭 basically, I like to read about them bickering or being a little mean to each other and using it as their flirting.

okayyyyy, and now some of my favourite kinks to read for them 😇 I have to say I'm a top!Kris bottom!Bojan truther, but only because that seems to be what fits most of my own personal headcanons 😭 I do enjoy reading all dom/sub variations between them so I'm definitely speaking broadly here for all of these:

praise kink - works for either of them, although you can't tell me that Bojan, golden retriever personified, doesn't have one of the biggest praise kinks in the world.

hair-pulling - all I'll say is that I'm sure there's many uses for Kris growing his hair out... (wow, I sure am doing a good job of "speaking broadly" about these 😭)

choking - I mean... we've all seen that video, right?

exhibitionism - sometimes, they can't keep their hands off each other, even in their rehearsal space. and I'm sure they wouldn't mind a small audience........

restraints - idk man I just think it's hot 😭 and it works pretty well with their dynamic.

and finally!!! the thing I'd really love to see more of is genderbent bokris as lesbians. there are a few fics (and, um... I confess I was writing one myself, which I am determined to finish at some point because I made a promise to myself 😭) but honestly? there should be more. they would be so hot as lesbians 🥰

so, there we are! I definitely rambled too much here (I can't help myself 😅) but I hope I answered your questions, anon! <3 there's loads more stuff too that I've probably forgotten, but these are the main things that I thought of straight away :)

[possibilistfanfiction]

Ava and beatrice foster-fail and adopt a dog, bea’s first concert, idk, one of them goes to the dentist?? Also I know you’re in LA but would love to see them in a Winter Situation haha

'bea,' you say, 'hey, what's wrong?'

she's obviously stressed, sitting very still behind the desk in her home office, clenching her jaw, a little bit of her hair sticking up from, you presume, a nervous tic of running her hands through it.

'is it really bad?'

'the worst,' she says, in such a dramatic way that you know it's all actually fine. the war has been over, now, for a few months — there are leftover battles, loose ends to tie up from time to time, but her pouting seems to be more about — 'it's time for my semiannual dental cleaning. next tuesday, at 2 pm.'

'oh, well, that's chill, right?' the last time you'd been to the dentist, mostly upon bea's insistence, your dentist, dr. pang, had been cool and had even let you look in the toybox usually reserved for kids once you'd finished. maybe because of the halo or just dumb luck, but you hadn't had any cavities. 'you brush your teeth with that fancy toothbrush, like, three times a day, with your little timer. i'm sure your teeth are perfect.'

it doesn't help: beatrice just grimaces. 'i — i just don't like the dentist.'

'that's okay. sometimes we just don't like shit, you know. do you want me to come with? we can get lunch after or something.'

'you would —' she pauses; you'd talked about this recently, in couples counseling, how when you offer to do something for her, it's because you love her, because you want to, and nothing generative comes, for either of you, from her denying what she wants. 'i would actually like that, quite a lot.'

'okay then,' you say. 'next tuesday at 2 pm — you, me, and dr. pang's cool toybox.'

/

you realize very quickly on tuesday at 1:50 pm that 'i don't like the dentist' is a euphemism for 'i'm absolutely terrified of the dentist,' because beatrice is about to break your hand and also vibrate out of her own skin as soon as she pulls into the parking lot.

'do you want to do some grounding exercises or something?'

'no, ava,' she says, irritated, but then gathers herself. 'sorry. no, i'm fine.’ you raise a brow and she just huffs. 'i just don't like someone being that close to my face.'

'you have no problems with me being that close to your face. just imagine that dr. pang is me.'

it gets her to laugh, reluctantly, but you're sure she is imagining it. 'that's more terrifying, actually.'

'okay, me with a degree in dentistry. important edit if you're unwilling to have any imagination.'

she just rolls her eyes.

'you're gonna be just fine,' you say. 'and i'll be there the entire time, okay?'

'yeah,' she says, dragging a hand through her hair and then smoothing it down carefully, checking her reflection in the visor mirror once, and then setting her shoulders like she's about to go into battle; you stifle a laugh; you love her. 'okay.'

/

'you have someone to drive you home and take care of you today? you shouldn't have any pain, but you'll be a little out of it.'

bea nods, stiffly, but then points at where you're sitting in the corner of the waiting room. 'my partner, yes.'

'looking forward to the part where she'll be a little out of it, honestly.'

bea rolls her eyes at you while the receptionist laughs, and then, when bea is done with any paperwork, she comes and sits next to you. you lace your fingers together. 'you know, you've had, like, pretty bad injuries and surgeries and stuff, right?'

'yes, ava, obviously i know that.' she pinches the bridge of her nose. 'it doesn't help me, in this situation, to compare. i know it's — it's not logical, to be so afraid of a cavity filling.'

'nah.' you squeeze her hand. 'that's not what i was gonna say.' you smile at her, like you're not at the dentist's office, like you're out by the beach in the morning after she's surfed and you'd brought donuts and coffee and kiss her and shoo the gulls away. 'i just meant that, you know, i've been scared during those, but i got to hold you afterward and help. and i know you're feeling really scared, but i can be brave for you right now, and then i get to spend all day holding you and taking care of you. which, beatrice, i love to do. okay?'

she tucks her head into your neck, just for a second, just like heaven, and then nods. 'i love you. okay.'

/

bea is ... laughing. at nothing, you're pretty sure, if the blank tv is anything to go off of; she'd fallen asleep in the car on the way home but the second you got her situated on the couch she'd just started, well, giggling, and she hasn't stopped.

'what's so silly?'

she rolls her head toward you, sloppily, and you are so grateful for this time, for this life, for this life: beatrice trusts you — to build a home, and to keep her safe. 'everything,' she says, and then snorts, which makes her laugh even harder.

you smile and kiss her forehead. 'i promised camila i'd record this. keep going, whatever you're vibing with.'

she happily tells a very rambling story about the time you'd tried to make pasta from scratch, interjected with some non-sequitur facts about flamingos, giggling the entire time. she's in her favorite hoodie and joggers and had, very intensely, insisted on taking her socks off. you send the video to camila when she seems to finish on her own, trailing off and then just staring at you with a helpless little smile on her face.

'ava?'

'yes, bea?'

'first, you're so beautiful. i love you so much. can you believe there was ever a time i thought i could spend my entire life not acting on my desires of the flesh?'

you decide to just roll with it. 'honestly? no. you're, like, the gayest person i've ever met.'

'you're jealous when women flirt with me at the bar or the beach.'

you roll your eyes, let yourself trace her freckles and the gentle slope of her nose, scratch your nails gently against the buzzed sides of her hair. 'mostly for fun,' you say. 'i know you're coming home with me at the end of the night.'

'always.'

'did you have a second?'

'what?'

'well, you said first, so, i'm not sure where you were going after that.'

'oh,' she says, and then squints into the distance, like she's trying really hard to remember. 'can we please order thai tonight. i'm thinking about it always, in the back of my mind.'

'always?'

'oh, yes,' she says. 'that green curry fried rice i had last time?' she kisses her fingers and then holds them out. 'life changing.'

you laugh and grab her hand from the air, tuck it against your cheek and kiss her knuckles. 'as long as you let me have the extra spring roll.'

'you know i always let you do that.'

'yeah,' you say, 'you do.'

'ava?'

'yeah, bea?'

'i could tell you that i love you in every language ever spoken and it would never be enough.' she puts your joined hands to her chest. 'there are no words, for how i feel for you.'

you kiss her, even though she tastes kind of weird after her cavity filling. 'i love you too, in all the universes.' i came back for you, you mean, but you don't say it aloud, not now, not when it's sunny and warm and she's open before you, herself. 'now, why don't you nap. i'll turn on something exceedingly dull so you don't get distracted. and i'll order thai.'

'you're the best. i can't wait to marry you one day.'

it makes you feel warm; the halo hums. 'that'll be the best day.'

/

'ava.'

'hmm?'

bea stalks out to where you're drinking coffee on the balcony, the sun already at its mid-morning warmth. she means to look intimidating but she has on a pair of little striped sleep shorts and an old crewneck sweater, one sleeve pulled over her hand and the other pushed up to her elbow; her hair is sticking up around the cowlick in the back, like it always does after she's gotten a fresh haircut and sleeps in.

'what did you send to the group chat?'

'oh, you were in excellent form yesterday,' you say, not sorry at all. 'had a lot of opinions on flamingos and margot robbie. gotta say, can't even hold that one against you. she'd be a great choice for a threesome, i agree.'

'i did not say that.'

her blush is bright and goes all the way down her neck, to the tips of her ears. 'nah, you didn't.' she slumps in relief and you laugh. 'but now i know you think it, which is fun.'

'so... these videos of me, medicated, are — innocuous?'

'yeah, i didn't send the one where you went into detail about you riding my face to our friends who are nuns.'

she sits on the chair next to yours and buries her face in her hands. 'was i a pain?'

'not at all,' you say, and smooth a hand down her spine and then rest it on her neck and massage the tension sitting there. 'you were cute. i like taking care of you.'

'well, i feel coherent today.'

'that's good, they said everything should be normal.'

'i'm sorry,' she says, 'for being scared, and then for being so high.'

you wave her off. 'don't ever apologize for being scared. maybe, at some point, you can apologize if you like, willingly eat too much of an edible or something, but don't apologize for needing meds to help you. i love you.'

she smiles softly. 'thank you.'

'i love you, bea,' you say. 'you gotta understand, okay? i love you, i love you, i love you.'

she kisses you, softly, and she tastes like regular toothpaste and home.

'i do want to state, for the record, though, that i have never had a cavity, and now, you have had two.'

she groans. 'don't remind me.'

[paintedbutton]

2024 Recap Tag

@writernopal tagged me in this, and it came at just the right time since I didn't manage doing an actual reflection post before the end of the year (working between christmas and new years is always weird that way for me).

2024 Accomplishments

Let's start with the big one, obviously: I finished and shared Worthy of a King! I'm incredibly happy that I accomplished this. Sharing my boys with the world and having people love them as much as I do was absolutely something special. <3

Beside that, I wrote a silly little pirate story inspired by a silly little song just because I wanted to. That also feels like it matters a lot.

I managed to figure out the vague shape the Queen's Guard series is going to take. I always said it was gonna be somewhat like the Paladin books by T. Kingfisher - interconnected standalones. It's not quite that, obviously, but I'm looking forward to exploring this world more.

All in all I wrote about 82k words in 2024, and that's with about 4 months that I took as planned breaks in between. I feel pretty comfortable with that number.

I also had a pretty active year, non-writing wise. So many concerts, festivals, markets, etc. This isn't in any way writing related but I feel like every year I've been chipping a way at prioritising myself and the things that make me happy more. I finally managed to get rid of a pretty big burden in my work-life that's made me breathe a lot easier. (It probably says a lot that I haven't had a crying breakdown about work this year ... for the first time. In fact, the last time I broke down crying was when I thought they wouldn't let me give up the position they forced me into. Damn.)

2025 Writing Goals

Again, the big one: Shadow of a Queen is my one serious goal for 2025. I wrote the first draft of WoaK in six months in 2023 and then took a couple months break before starting on revising it, and that felt like a pretty good workflow for me, so the goal is pretty much the same: Write draft 1 until the summer (I am probably aiming for August, here, because June and July are already packed full with other activities). See where we go after.

(Re)establish a writing routine that works for me. With the break, I've kind of fallen out of it and I'm having a bit of a hard time getting started again right now. I know I'll get there, but kicking my own ass into gear is one of the first goals I'm gonna have to achieve this year.

Figure out a writing setup that is future proof. I'm a Word girlie. I've been a Word girlie my whole life, and while I've looked into dedicated novel writing programs before (it's kind of hard not to stub your foot on Scrivener at some point in any writing community you stumble into), I've never felt the need to dive deeper. But with AI growing ever more ubiquitous (and all the big companies pushing it lbr), I at least want to give my options another look. Maybe I'll stay a Word girlie, idk. I want it to be an informed decision if I do. Tentative searches so far have turned up a whole lot of browser based bullshit that I do not want, subscription services galore, and nothing that works as a program both on Windows and Android, which I would need because I write on my tablet on the go. Related to that, I might just look into getting a refurbished laptop or something. But we'll see. If you have any recommendations for me to look into, please do send them my way.

I want to be more active on Tumblr again, and on Writeblr specifically. I go through phases with social media where mindless consumption is all I can muster, and I fucking hate it. But I love sharing my stuff and reading other peoples' and doing tag games. Sometimes I just need to remind myself of that.

Not exactly writing related, and a little bit silly: One of my goals for the year is to dress more like a fantasy character. Simply because it makes me happy. And, honestly, I wouldn't mind closet cosplaying my own little guys to be a part of that goal. ;)

Tagging @winterandwords , @malimaywrite and @boundedsea if you all feel like doing it. No pressure though. :)