#homura: and you are not going to fucking believe what madoka did next

[kaen-ace-of-diamonds]

okay just one more Madoka reference 

[washipink]

Puella Magi Madoka Magica: Rebellion

It’s finally time. We’ve reached the most discoursed about aspect of the entire Madoka franchise. Does it stand up like I thought the rest of the show did, or does it spit in the face of everything that the original 12 episodes stood for?

Listen, I’m going to open with the fact that Rebellion is a damn good movie, actually. I’ll just get that out of the way. I enjoyed Rebellion. It put a lot of thought into the shot composition. Every damn thing about this movie was foreshadowed or symbolized incredibly early on. Did you catch that the teacher’s lesson at the beginning was expressly about the Second Coming of Christ being what ends the world? In this case, Christ is Madoka and the world is Homura’s labyrinth. We know from the beginning that wherever these girls are, they won’t be there forever. As on the nose as I found the Jesus allegories and religious worship of Madoka, I do have to acknowledge that Ryuki Episode Final had a Virgin Mary allusion in it that was really overt. Then again, I liked Episode Final a lot less than the actual show.

In a twist of fate, there actually aren’t that many Ryuki references in this one. Rebellion told a story that WASN’T just fucking Ryuki again beat for beat.

Floating around in the Labyrinth were these blue hands. I’m sure they mean SOMETHING. My thought is that they’re a representation of Homura’s need to be in complete control of this space. Why are they blue? Fuck you. I’m not answering that question. My favorite part of this movie was when @mngwa​ started talking about Flower Language and I was like “How do they decide what flowers mean what the fuck they’re plants” because when people on the internet talk about this shit they talk like the English Teachers that inspired every single “Curtains Blue” post. THAT’S why the hands are blue, ok? Because they’re the curtains. Are you happy now?

Next, the topic of Madoka Magica and Women’s Suffering. We talked about how I don’t think the show really Glorifies suffering. But we realized during the movie that HITOMI definitely does. Hitomi BREEDS suffering. @gaycodedvillainy​ was responsible for the very excellent theory that Hitomi is just fucking kyubey’s witch form. Kyubey doesn’t have ANY feelings so he just fucking turns into Hitomi, who has MANY feelings and NONE of them are good or helpful to herself or anyone else. She’s homophobic, she wants to steal YOUR boyfriend specifically and no one else’s, and then she doesn’t even have a GOOD relationship with him. We talked in the last post or so about how her feelings are usually directly involved with pushing Madoka and/or Sayaka into Kyubey’s clutches. Side note: it was really fucking funny when I thought Hitomi was just NOT there because Kyoko had pretty much replaced her entirely in terms of the friend group.

The last thing I want to talk about is the fact that Homura didn’t... actually do anything wrong in the last third of the movie. Sure, she separated Madoka from the Law of Cycles. But think for a second. What does that MEAN? What did that DO? It just made it so that the laws of the universe existed and a person gets her life back. All Homura really did was act like this was an evil thing she was doing. Because she presented herself that way, some viewers turned off their critical thinking and decided to just straight up believe her. Why would you do that? So many people hate this movie because they missed the part where she SPLIT Madoka. She did not “destroy” the law of cycles. The law of cycles is now an autonomous force of nature rather than BEING Madoka. Madoka can be with her now. I did think it was really weird when Homura was like “Then I suppose you’ll be my enemy one day. But that’s okay because I love you anyway.” Because Homura could have done or said pretty much anything NORMAL in this situation and just elected not to.

Anyway, Rebellion was actually really good. I consider it to be BETTER than the show itself. 8/10.

[takerfoxx]

Coming to Terms with Homura Akemi, My (Formerly) Least Favorite PMMM Character

Or, How I Learned to Stop Whinging and Love the Emo Meguca!

I have a…complicated history with my favorite anime’s main character (and yes, Homura is the main character. Madoka might be the title character and the show’s POV protagonist, but like most things in this series, that was a clever ruse, and it’s really more about Homura’s journey than Madoka’s). The first time I watched the show, I walked away feeling kind of ambivalent toward her, even mildly hostile. And that’s weird, right? I mean, just look at her! Look how her character arc plays out! She was practically grown in a lab to be my favorite! And you know what? In pretty much any other series she would have been my favorite, no doubt. She would have been a first pick Fav of the Day, the starring character in whatever fanfic I wrote about it, etc. But since the show she premiered in is anything but traditional, the way I eventually came to love each character turned out to be a little…unorthodox.

Now, I’ve gone over most of this before, so sing along if you know the words. My first time watching Puella Magi Madoka Magica went a little something like this:

Episode 1: Blue funny, Pink cute, Yellow badass, Purple mysterious.

Episode 2: Blue favorite, Pink alright, Yellow probably evil, Purple mysterious.

Episode 3: Yellow’s not evil after all, and now is the dead. My bad.

Episode 4: Pink getting all fucked up, SOMEONE SAVE BLUE!

Episode 5: Hate Red for attacking Blue. Kick her ass, Purple!

Episode 6: Still hate Red.

Episode 7: FUCK YOU, BUNNYCAT! Red’s not so bad after all. But someone save Blue!

Episode 8: Aw, hell no, Purple! You don’t threaten Blue like that! You go, Red! You’re pretty cool after…oh shit. BLUE, NO!

Episode 9: GO RED! GO PINK! SAVE BLUE! YOU CAN DO IT, I BELIEVE IN…no.

Episode 10-12: Stuff is still happening with the plot, but I no longer care. My heart has been shattered, all light has gone from the world. My babies are gone. If only they had more time together, if only there was someplace they could reunite, really get to know one another, and go on adventures together…huh.

So yeah, that’s the story of how I fully got on board the KyoSaya train. Obviously, writing Resonance Days only solidified that, and coming across A Happy Dream by angel0wonder, AKA the potato lady AKA @smxmuffinpeddling (wazzup?!?!), pretty much cemented it as my top reigning OTP.

Now, obviously I got invested in the whole story as time went by. Subsequent rewatchings of the show, mainly through convincing people to watch it blind so I can laugh at them when they get to certain scenes (don’t hate, y’all did it too!) and taking part in online discussions really got me into the show as a whole instead of just being confined in my little KyoSaya bubble. But coming to love the other characters for their own merits took some time.

Mami was next. I’ll be honest, I just didn’t care all that much for her during my first watching, mainly due to believing that she would turn out to be evil for the first couple of episodes (I blame Disney and their recent trend of turning almost every kindly mentor/confidante figure into the bad guy lately), and me being more surprised that I was wrong when she died instead of being shocked that she was killed. Again, had nothing against her, that was just my reaction the first time around. However, she was included in Resonance Days because it felt like the logical thing to do, and she turned out to be so much fun to write for that I really came to love and care for her character in general, and her relationship with Charlotte ended up becoming one of my favorite parts of that story.

Madoka honestly took more time. I think the main reason I wasn’t all that invested in her is that she was pretty passive in the series proper while my attention was more on the more proactive side characters. And again, this wasn’t a bad thing! In fact, it was a clever bit of deliberate storytelling, as it’s revealed that she originally was a proactive main-character type, only to unintentionally get relegated to her observer role by the butterfly effect caused by Homura’s time loops. But anyway, the thing that made me turn the corner on Madoka actually also ended up being fanfiction, but not one of my own. Specifically, I came across a popular, yet also somewhat controversial, fic called Persephone’s Waltz (and wazzup, @erinptah!), in which Homura decides to just stop beating around the bush and lock Madoka up in a basement until Walpurgisnacht had passed. And as weird as it sounds, making Madoka a prisoner actually gave her more agency, as the fic really went into detail about the psychological effects of being a kidnapping victim, from the strange rituals to the escape attempts to coping strategies to Stockholm Syndrome to bouts of depression and so on and so forth, all the while never deviating from her core character. It really got me rooting for Madoka and, by extension, invested in her character in canon as well.

That just left Homura.

By then, I had gotten over being a little sore at her for trying to kill Sayaka that one time, and I was interested in where her actions would take the plot. I just wasn’t interested in her, per se, as I hadn’t had an icebreaker moment like I had with the other characters.

And then The Rebellion Story happened.

The Rebellion Story: PMMM’s End of Evangelion

Puella Magi Madoka Magica is often compared its nearly two decade-old predecessor, Neon Genesis Evangelion, and not without reason. Like Evangelion, it took a genre mainly known to be fun and kid-friendly (giant mechs for Evangelion and magical girls for PMMM) and turned it on its head, resulting in a brutal and twisted deconstruction that would end up altering the direction that genre would take for years to come. The key difference is that Evangelion’s brilliance was in many ways an accident, with the bizarre places it went being largely informed both by its troubled production and its showrunner’s personal demons staying bottled up through the early part of the show but letting them loose later on, whereas PMMM was meticulously constructed from top to bottom to become the hand-grenade to the genre that it would become. But in the end, the effects were the same. They even both had a follow-up movie that was not originally supposed to happen that ended up being highly divisive among fans due to the shots they took at the fandom that had sprung up around the original series, even if The Rebellion Story wasn’t nearly as spiteful as End of Evangelion was.

Now, I’ve already gone into at length about how PMMM brutally dissects and deconstructs the Magical Girl genre, and it did it so thoroughly that the genre itself was totally wrenched in a new direction, much like Evangelion did to the Giant Mecha genre. But after you’ve completely taken apart the genre in your first season, where exactly do you go? How do you continue when your work is seemingly done?

The answer: deconstruct yourself.

Much as Puella Magi Madoka Magica went after the Magical Girl genre, The Rebellion Story went after the fandom that had sprung up in the original show’s wake. The first third of the movie gives the fans what they claimed they wanted: a traditional Magical Girl reimagining of PMMM where everyone is alive and working together, everyone is mentally and emotionally healthy, the two fan-favorite ships are just a kiss away from being canon, Kyubey is now a cute and silent mascot that helps out instead constantly manipulating everyone around him, and even the most popular witch is back as a benevolent secondary mascot in a happy friendship with the character she had killed. We see Madoka and the Moemura version of Homura being adorable together, we see Kyoko and Sayaka goofing off, we see Mami cuddling with Charlotte with nary a head-chomp in sight, we see everyone being just being friends and protecting the city from weird but essentially non-threatening monsters. It is basically the summation of a hundred fanfics that had been posted between the end of the show and the release of the movie.

But this is still PMMM, and something is not quite right.

We all know what happens next. Homura starts subconsciously noticing that something is off, she gradually becomes Terminator Homura as she investigates the situation and regains her memories, and the perfect happy world is exposed for the farce that it is. Things collapse, and the truth is revealed: Homura had become a witch that had been trapped inside her own soul gem, those close to her had been lured in to complete the illusion, and of course it is all Kyubey’s fault. Because this is PMMM, and Homura doesn’t get to be happy.

But the movie doesn’t stop with that reveal. Once we learn the truth, it changes targets. It stops deconstructing the fans, and instead goes after something else.

It starts to deconstruct Homura Akemi, its own main character.

Despite her promise to continue fighting on in Madoka’s name to protect the slightly more kind world her beloved had created, Homura had found herself unable to cope without Madoka. Her mission had failed, and without that stabilizing force, despair had slowly crept in, corrupting her from within, to the point where (I believe at least) she had been fighting not to honor Madoka, but in hopes that she would fall in battle and be carried off by her goddess. She had been fighting not in hopes of building a better world, but as a way to seek release from her pain. She had been miserable in Madoka’s new world, even moreso than she had been during her time loops.

And because she had been foolish enough to tell the truth to Kyubey, the little rat had taken the opportunity to use her to set a trap. Madoka had been pulled out of Heaven right into the Incubators’ clutches, and it was all her fault.

Is it any wonder that she had been unwilling to accept Madoka’s salvation during the climatic battle? Is it any wonder that her own labyrinth had featured her own familiars dragging her away to her own execution? Homura hated herself. She hated what she had become, she hated what she had allowed to happen, she hated that she had failed so utterly and completely.

In fact, I’d say that this movie shows something about Homura that I don’t think a lot of people will appreciate me pointing out, and that is as much as Homura was single-mindedly devoted to Madoka, she never really came to know her. I mean, how could she? She only knew Madoka over the course of a few of a few infatuated weeks the first time around, which she then repeated over and over and over again, becoming increasingly traumatized over time. I don’t doubt that her devotion to Madoka is real, but The Rebellion Story does seem to suggest that after a while she was fixated on Madoka as an ideal rather than Madoka as an actual person, something to be protected and possessed rather than as a living, breathing person with her own autonomy.

Now, am I saying that Homura is a bad person and that anyone who felt inspired by her resilience and devotion is wrong? Of course not. Am I saying that anyone that ships MadoHomu is bad, promoting toxic relationships, etc.? Hell no! What I’m saying is that due to everything she’s been forced to endure and fight again, she is a very mentally unhealthy individual, one who is in desperate need of help. And if an actual relationship between her and Madoka is going to realistically work, well, first something  drastic will have to happen to upset her new system and give Madoka her power back, but Homura is also going to need tons of therapy.

As I said before, Homura’s decision to rip Madoka out of the Law of Cycles and turn herself into Homucifer has been pretty controversial, with many people claiming that it betrayed her characterization. To those people, I would say that they never really knew the real Homura Akemi. The show set up an idealized version of Homura, and people had that ideal imprinted in their mind. And I can’t really blame them for that. The show ended on a big, optimistic moment with Homura making a big speech about how she was going to keep fighting in Madoka’s name. It’s all very stirring, and I can’t fault anyone who would feel betrayed by their Homura acting against that promise.

But as a sadistic bastard in another dark show that is now also very controversial once said, “If you think this story has a happy ending, then you clearly haven’t been paying attention.”

Homura Akemi Did Everything Wrong, and It’s Okay to Admit That

Even though The Rebellion Story got me interested in seeing where the whole Homucifer vs. Godoka thing would go, I still wasn’t all that invested in Homura as a person. I was entrenched too deep in my KyoSaya world, and everything outside of that was just so much plot. Most of my focus was on Resonance Days, which just didn’t involve her at all.

It took years, but three things finally cracked me out of that shell. The first was writing Walpurgis Nights, of course. Granted, Homulilly was more of a Moemura than Homucifer, but that story really made me dive deep into her innate insecurities, to explore her struggles with self-loathing and her reliance on Madoka for any kind of validation.

The second was watching through a few blind reactions to the series, seeing how other people reacted to her character and the things that they picked up that I had missed. One thing in particular stood out to me: during Homura and Madoka’s first meeting in episode ten, Homura is actually shocked when Madoka casually addresses her by her first name, as no one ever called her by her first name.

And the third might get me some hate, but it was through coming across this little video:

Now, like many things I’ve discussed in this post, this video has been pretty polarizing, with some people outright hating it and labeling it as slanderous character bashing. The clickbaity title certainly doesn’t help, and I can’t say I agree with all of its points. But the video really isn’t the character-bashing piece that it might seem like. Rather, it’s as much a deconstruction of a character that has been heavily idealized by the fandom, pointing out the many mistakes and, while it certainly was not her fault, how she was driven more by a personal need for validation rather than selfless love.

That’s when it all clicked for me, all the little pieces coming together.

Despite how badass she appears to be, despite how unwavering her adoration for Madoka is, Homura Akemi is someone who was broken from the beginning, who was re-broken again and again, who never seemed to make the right choice, who was never allowed to have what she wanted, who was never allowed to win, until she finally snapped and ripped apart the carefully-laid plans and systems that seemed to be set against her.

Homura Akemi did everything wrong, and that is fascinating!

Consider: when we first meet her, she is a young girl who has known nothing but neglect, who has been shuffled around by an uncaring system her entire life, who is physically weak due to a heart condition, who is terrified by any kind of attention and is genuinely perturbed just by being called by her first name.

Of all the tragic backstories in the series, hers is easily the worst. Mami and Kyoko’s characterizations are both defined by having a single horrific event in their respective pasts that took everything away from them, events that shattered their worlds and which they blamed themselves for. But at the very least they had something before the cruel hand of fate reached into their lives. Homura never had anything! Her family is so completely out of the picture to not even warrant a mention! Her heart condition leaves her constantly balanced on the precipice of death and frequently leaves her weak and in pain. She’s never had a real friend, never had anyone close, never had anything that made her feel good about being herself. So when the Arch of Victory witch ensnares her with suicidal thoughts, it doesn’t really have to try very hard.

And then Madoka came into her life. A cheerful, outgoing girl who showed her kindness, one who called her by her name and said that it was pretty. Someone who came to her during the scariest moment in Homura’s life like a guardian angel and saved her. Someone who was everything Homura had ever wanted: kind, humble, encouraging, non-judgmental, loving, powerful, protecting, and the list goes on.

Is there any wonder that Homura became infatuated with her? Not one bit.

But then something terrible happened. Madoka and Mami were faced with the horror of Walpurgisnacht, and it killed them. Finally Homura had someone in her life that made her feel good about being herself, and that person was stolen from her. She had to watch Madoka fail. She had to watch Madoka die. And she just stood by and did nothing.

And it is then that Homura made her first mistake. Kyubey being the opportunistic manipulator that he is, he took advantage of her vulnerable state in order to add another soul to his quota. And of course Homura accepted; who could blame her?

But consider this: Homura could have wished for Madoka to be resurrected. Walpurgisnacht had been defeated; it was no longer a threat! Then the two of them (or three, had Mami been brought back as well) would have been together, fighting side-by-side! I mean, it would have eventually ended in tears anyway, but Homura had no way of knowing that. As far as she knew, she was in a traditional magical girl story that just so happened to have a bad end, one that she could have fixed.

Instead, she wished to be sent back in time to redo her first meeting with Madoka, only this time as a Puella Magi. That way, she could help Madoka and Mami prepare for Walpurgisnacht! She could protect Madoka!

It wasn’t enough just to have her dearest (and only) friend back in her life. Homura wanted to switch the roles. She wanted to protect Madoka like Madoka had protected her. She wanted a reason to keep existing, a mission, a way to prove her worthiness, because she still hated herself and needed something to validate her existence.

But it wasn’t that kind of show. She didn’t have all the information. How could she have known that Kyubey was being deceptive? How could she have known of the truth about witches? How could she have known that her time-looping would make Walpurgisnacht stronger? How could she have known that each loop would alter the timestream, entangling both Sayaka and Kyoko in its web?

Still, she kept trying. She made herself stronger and stronger in hopes that she would be able to stop Walpurgisnacht in time. She tried to warn everyone about Kyubey and the witches only to be disbelieved. She watched the others die around her again and again. She watched Madoka either die or succumb to despair and become a witch herself.

And then it happened.

That all-important timeline, where everything in her changed.

The one where she and Madoka finally successfully defeated Walpurgisnacht, but lost everything else. The one where they laid side-by-side in the ruins and the rain, as their cracked soul gems grew darker and the darker. The one where Homura resigned herself to becoming a witch.

The one where Madoka sacrificed her final grief seed, Sayaka’s grief seed, in order to save Homura. The one where she made Homura promise to go back and prevent her from making a contract in the first place. And the one where Madoka died again, not in battle against a witch, but by Homura’s own hand.

Something inside Homura broke that day, something that was never repaired and never will be. It was then that Homura shed the last remnants of the frightened, insecure girl she had been and became the Terminator-esque warrior that we were first introduced to. Her missions was clear then: stop Madoka from making a contract and defeat Walpurgisnacht by any means necessary. Nothing else mattered.

But despite all her resets, despite all her preparations, despite (supposedly) finally having all the information, Homura still kept failing! No matter what she did, Madoka always made a contract and became Kriemhild Gretchen. And Walpurgisnacht just seemed to be getting stronger.

Finally, in the timeline that encompasses the show proper, Homura learned the reason why. She was doomed from the start. Her own resetting of time was only building Madoka’s karmic destiny, increasing the power of both Walpurgisnacht and Kriemhild Gretchen. The more she went back, the more the universe itself stacked the deck against her, and now it was all but impossible. And what was worse, she had done it to herself.

Just look at her in that second to last episode, when she’s lying there bloodied and broken, when she’s about to go back yet again but stops herself. Just look at her face as her soul gem darkens as literal years of despair seep out of the defenses she had built up around herself. She knew that it was hopeless, she knew that both she and Madoka were doomed, she knew that she was seconds from finally becoming a witch after all of her efforts were for naught, and it terrified her.

But then, just as all seemed lost, Madoka herself appeared to save her, but did so through the last thing Homura wanted her to do. She took all of that karmic destiny Homura had burdened her with and made a witch that shook the very foundations of reality. Witches were removed from the equation, and Puella Magi who had succumbed to despair were simply allowed to pass peacefully instead of becoming monsters. The contract system and the advancements wasn’t removed, and the girls’ wishes weren’t negated. But the cruelest aspect of it was.

And all it cost was Madoka’s existence.

Yes, Homura was saved. Yes, Madoka was spared of dying or turning into Kriemhild Gretchen. But the person that Homura had devoted her entire existence to protecting was gone, and by her own hand. Only Homura herself was left to remember her.

Can you imagine how that must have felt, to be forced to soldier on while bearing the weight of that knowledge, to know that you had ultimately failed in your mission and had to go on without the only person that had ever meant anything to you? Sure, there was that whole “always be with you in spirit” thing, but that is a poor comfort to someone like Homura. Yes, the show ends on an optimistic note, with Homura promising to fight on in Madoka’s name, but it’s often been said that the only thing that give a story a happy ending is where you end it. And while I’m sure that many fans would have loved to believe that Homura had done just that, had fought the Wraiths to the bitter end until she was welcomed into Madoka’s arms, the sad fact of the matter is that reality is rarely ever so simple.

In The Rebellion Story we learn how true that is. Without her mission, Homura was unable to keep herself together, and despair did finally overtake her. But instead of peacefully disappearing and being taken by her love, she had made the fatal mistake of confessing to Kyubey of all people the truth about the way things were.

Now, why would she do that? Why tell Kyubey about the witches and how Madoka had changed things? Did she not suspect that he might do something with that knowledge?

Personally, I think she did. Maybe not consciously, but I feel that deep down inside, she hated what the world had become, not because the Law of Cycles had removed a significant portion of the pain, but because Madoka had to erase herself in order to create it. Yes, deleting witches was a net positive, but it wasn’t the positive Homura had been fighting to achieve. Madoka had made her promise to keep her from making a wish, and Homura had to execute her right after. So I do think that she told Kyubey the truth because part of her was kind of hoping he would intervene somehow and bring Madoka back.

And he did, and he did so though screwing Homura over. Again.

Within the labyrinth contained within her own soul gem, Homura build the world she had always wanted to exist. The endless loops had been washed away, and she and Madoka were fighting together in a joyful magical girl show. She worked so hard to build a place that would make her happy, but in the end she had been unable to accept even her own gift, in part because she subconsciously knew that something was off, but also because she had conditioned to be suspicious anything that seems like it would be working in her favor.

Learning the truth broke Homura yet again. She had done this. She had been the one to admit the truth to Kyubey, and he had used that knowledge to ensnare Madoka once more. Her love was again trapped by Incubators, and it was all her fault. Is there any wonder that while everyone was fighting to rescue her from herself, she was screaming for them to stop while her own familiars executed her over and over again?

Homura’s decision to rip Madoka out of the Law of Cycles and again rewrite reality is a controversial one, and I get that. But when you put aside the cool, determined badass that she presents herself as and look at the whole of her journey then it only makes sense. She was sick of it all. Sick of being manipulated by the Incubators and their contracts, sick of having her desires denied by the Law of Cycles, sick of being held back by her own inadequacies. She was sick of losing, and that was going to end.

The movie is called The Rebellion Story, and that title couldn’t have been more accurate. Because at the end, Homura rebelled against everything: against the Incubators, against Madoka, against herself, against a world that seemed set against her from the beginning. She forcibly seized control, dominating Kyubey and his ilk, ripping Madoka from the Law of Cycles and reprogramming her to be sweet and docile, and even erasing Madoka and Sayaka’s friendship so that Sayaka wouldn’t interfere. In the end, she finally won.

And she still hated herself. Even after overcoming everything and embracing her status as the world’s new Devil, we see her own familiars throwing trash at her.

And that is the Homura I came to love. The icy, mysterious warrior that she was presented as just didn’t do anything for me. But the broken girl who seemed to have the entire world set against her, that had what little happiness she had stolen from her time and time again, that made mistake after mistake as she tried to fight against the unfairness of everything and constantly made things worse, that finally said “Fuck it” and forced the world to bend under her will but still wasn’t happy at the end it all? Well, just look at the stories I’ve written, the kinds of stories I gush about. That is a story I can sink my teeth into. That is a character worth investing in, because she is just so damned fascinating!

Now, I’m not going to say that she’s my favorite character now, but her story is the one I’m the most interested in. And when we finally get that long-awaited follow-up, I’m definitely going to be swooning over any and all KyoSaya interactions and watching what happens to Mami and Madoka with rapt attention, but the bulk of my investment will be in Homura’s story, because in a very strange way, her story feels the most human.

Now I just wonder how many people I’ve managed to piss off.

[wheremytwinwatches]

[Where My Twin Watches]: Puella Magi Madoka Magica Episode 12

I don’t want to do this.

I haven’t seen the next/last episode yet this week, each time saying there was some conflict or other keeping me from sitting down and watching. But looking back it’s mostly pretty weak excuses.

In reality, I have to accept the main reason that I’m typing this out rather than pulling up Crunchyroll: As long as I don’t see the finale, I can avoid the truth. I can avoid seeing whatever ending Urobuchi’s cooked up, and live in blissful ignorance that somehow this all works out ok. That despite each and every time before Madoka somehow survives this and doesn’t go Witch. That even after coming to the brink of despair Homura will get a happy ending. That I won’t have to see an ending that I keep imagining gets worse and worse, except that whatever I can fear I know the Urobutcher will manage to surpass.

Goddamnit, I just wanted a cute little show! I knew PMMM was a magical girl show, and I knew that for whatever reason it was incredibly popular. Music, animation, cute moments, whatever. I started PMMM thinking it’d be a good, happy time. Jesus was I wrong.

This show has put me through an emotional wringer. All this death and despair… without any warning from you jerks!

Do I think that it’s good I’ve seen this show? Yes. The production value is excellent, the twists were very engaging, and the philosophical discussions it has prompted are far more than I expected from it. Maybe when this is done I can sit back and enjoy watching others encounter the show, contribute to the discussion.

But I sure as hell don’t want to push the play button this time. I don’t want to see the end result. One way or another, Madoka’s story is coming to an end. The longer I put it off, the longer I can imagine that she survives and is happy. Despite everything…

Damn it. I want to put it off, but I can’t. I’m here, the finale is pulled up, and I’m out of excuses.

Let’s get this over with.

PMMM Finale Ep 12: My Very Best Friend

We open where we left off. The city is devastated, the technicolor Walpurgisnacht hovers in the distance, Homura is trapped under rubble, and Madoka looks towards the Witch with the Incubator at her side.

“Homura, I’m sorry. I’m going to become a Magical Girl.”

Homura looks on in horror as Madoka calmly talks about how she finally found a Wish she truly wants granted. And just as calmly says that she’s going to use her life for it.

GodDAMN it, Madoka! Stop being so fucking calm about selling your soul! Stop being so calm and peaceful and nice and AAARGH! Stop being such a hero! Be selfish for once in your life!

Yes, thank you Homura! Use every tool you have left to stop this travesty. Guilt-trip her with the countless times you’ve tried to save her, ask what the hell it was all for if Madoka insists on being the hero each and every time.

Madoka walks over and hugs Homura as the Magical Girl music starts up. She apologizes, but says that she’s the person she is now because Homura tried to protect her for so long. And asks that Homura trust in “the answer she has found”, swearing that she won’t waste everything Homura’s done for her.

“Now, Kaname Madoka. What is the Wish that you will pay for with your soul?”

Alright. Wish time. What’s it going to be? Wish for your friends back? Wish for Homura to find peace? Wish for the Incubator to go die in a fire?

“I wish…”

Deep breath. Inhale. Exhale.

“I wish to erase all Witches before they are born. All the Witches in all the universes, both past and future. With my own hands!”

Wait.

What?

Waitwhat? What just- Can she-

Um. There’s a bright pink glow. That Wish is valid? She’s turning into a Magical Girl?!

The Wish to fucking erase all Witches is VALID?!?!

WHAT?!?!?!

“That prayer… If a prayer like that were granted, it could unravel the fabric of time itself! It would go against the very force of karmic destiny!”

No shit, Sherlock! Holy crap, this isn’t just Homura’s multiverse-hopping, this a core aspect of all of the universes! A Wish can do that?!

Did… did I just get out-minmaxed by a pink-haired middleschool girl?

Did this seriously just happen?

Did Madoka just effectively tell the DM “Yeah, no. I’m rewriting your setting”?

“Do you truly intend to become a god?!”

Holy crap. Madoka just wished to replace the DM.

I… I can’t even…

“I don’t care what I become. All those who have fought against Witches, who believed in hope as Magical Girls… I don’t want to see them cry. I want them smiling to the very end. If any rule or law stands in the way of that...I will destroy it. I will rewrite it. That is my prayer… That is my wish.”

…

Don't underestimate us! We don't care about time or space or multidimensional whatevers. We couldn't give a damn about that. Force your way down a path you choose, and do it your way! That's the way Team Dai-Gurren rolls!

I did not expect PMMM to have a Badass Creed rivaling fricken Simon the Digger.

“Now, grant my wish, Incubator!!”

The powerful glow around Madoka explodes, and the screen whites out.

And then the title comes up? Showing the reset of All Time, then?

Oh, the episode title finally appeared.

Final Episode: My Very Best Friend

A piece of cake? Mami’s place?

“Kaname… do you truly understand how fearsome a Wish that was?”

Yeah, Mami’s place, one of her customary tea parties with elaborate cakes. So is she alive again, as there was now never a Witch to kill her?

“It means that for all the past and future, and throughout all of time, you will have to continue fighting forever.”

Is that how it works, then? Madoka Wishes for the power to destroy all Witches, so she has to do it personally?

“In doing so, you will certainly wind up losing all traces of your individual self.”

Aw crap. The downside. There I was getting all optimistic, thinking that “Holy crap we actually get a happy ending?” But nope, Madoka will wind up essentially a completely different person.

“Simply dying would be a kinder fate. For all eternity, you would continue merely as a concept, a principle that destroys Witches.”

Damn it Urobuchi, I get it. You can stop hammering the point home.

But of course, our Protagonist is fine with that.

“If someone says it’s wrong to have hope, then I’ll tell them they’re wrong, every single time. And I know I’ll always tell them so.”

Wait. So… she’ll keep her core? She’ll stay Madoka at her heart, with her belief of hope? She won’t completely lose herself? Can I hope for that, or is Urobuchi going to step on that again?

“Then it’s fine, isn’t it?” Kyoko! Chowing down on a slice of cake. She’s serving as the determinator of the bunch, pointing out that now Madoka’s found her reason to fight, all that’s left is to run full steam ahead.

Daw, and now Mami gives Madoka back her old notebook of drawings.

“You aren’t just giving us hope. You’re becoming hope, itself… The hope of us all.”

Whiteout again. And here’s Magical Girl Madoka, in all her glory. Homura’s all but blinded by the light, the Incubator stares ahead, and… oh yeah. Walpurgisnacht. That’s a thing.

The orchestra begins to swell as Madoka readies her bow. A great sigil appears in the sky, and Madoka shoots it to blast away the stormclouds, revealing a bright blue sky. It then shoots out ALL OF THE ARROWS.

Cut to someone falling in grass? Oh, another Magical Girl. With a dark Soul Gem beginning to crack. She looks scared and begins to cry… when a burst of pink light falls from the sky and reforms as Magical Girl Madoka? Who purifies the Soul Gem… and then the Gem disappears? Hold up, what just happened? The Soul Gem vanished and the girl looked happy for a moment before closing her eyes. Is she sleeping, no longer a lich? Or did she just ‘die’ because Madoka took her purified soul somewhere else? Urobuchi, stop distracting me with this amazing music, I’m trying to figure this out.

Ok, the girl’s body just faded away before the screen went white. So Madoka’s stopping Witches by going back to just before the Soul Gem breaks? And then does something to the soul, takes it away somewhere? If she’s powerful enough to be a god now, is she… what, taking all these girls to Magical Girl heaven?

Many, many more bursts of pink light, more scenes of Madoka appearing to siphon away despair and vanish Soul Gems.

“I won’t let your prayers end in despair. None of you have to hate anyone, or curse anyone. I will bear all of that cursed destiny for you. So, please. To the very end, keep believing in yourselves!”

Ok, two things: one, I wanna see Madoka and Kamina meet up now to try and outdo eachother regarding “believe in yourself” speeches. Two, the scenes of magical girls are including I believe Cleopatra and Joan of Arc.

Back to the present, countless Hope Arrows continue to fly about, many shredding the madly laughing Walpurgisnacht until it’s only the giant gear. And still Madoka calmly speaks to it, staying that it no longer has to hate or curse. Because she’ll go back before it began and take the burden. Which creates a humongous explosion. Homura covers her face, the screen whites out again…

Weird technicolor lights, like a corrupted Soul Gem…

Homura opens her eyes. Does a rapid turn. Is on the moon?

She rightfully wonders where the heck she is. Hmmm, who do we know who could provide some exposition on the result of a Wish?

“The universe is in the process of reordering itself, based on Madoka’s new laws.” Homura’s present because she can control time-crossing magic. And so the Incubator says they’ll see

NO. NO NO NO FUCKING

NO

“-what kind of end the existence called Madoka Kaname will meet.”

GOD. DAMN. IT. We were SO CLOSE. We ALMOST had a good ending, but NOPE. UROBUTCHER STRIKES AGAIN! “Let’s see, we’ll just set things up with some inspiring hope quotes, show Madoka taking on the burdens of every Magical Girl ever… yes, that should do nicely for a literal god-damned Soul Gem.”

Because yeah. Madoka took on all those cursed destinies. She brought forth enough hope to create an entire universe. So for things to balance, that universe will now be destroyed.

“It’s only natural, right?” Fuck off, Incubator.

And the Super Soul Gem cracks, creating a Witch that dwarfs even the tower from Homura’s last timeline. Welp, I know what’ll be in my nightmares tonight.

The maddened laughter begins again.

“No, it’s all right.” Wait, Madoka?! But- the Super Witch-

Oh. Oh yes. YesyesyesYESYESYES

Wait, Puffball?

“My Wish was to erase all Witches…”

New outfit? Huge white dress and Rapunzel-length hair?

“And if that prayer really comes true… then even I… should have no reason to despair… ever!”

Super Magical Girl Madoka (?) readies her bow, another friggen big sigil appears, and ALL OF THE ARROWS blast away at the Super Witch, causing another huge explosion, the Witch is blasted away, Homura is- blasted away?! Hold up- the screen whites out again…

Did Madoka just blow up reality?

Screen comes to a shifting background of pinks, purples and whites.

“Madoka. With this, your life has ceased to have either a beginning or end. No trace of your life on Earth, nor a single memory of you will remain anywhere. Your existence has shifted onto a higher plane, and all that will be left of you here is a concept. No one will ever be aware of your presence again, and you will never be able to interact with anyone. You will have ceased to exist in this universe.”

...so it’s a mix of Madoka staying true to herself, but also elements of Mami’s warning?

Homura speaks up whoa ok, glad I’m not watching this when anyone could walk in. I thought you guys said there weren’t any questionable scenes?

“What are you saying? That Madoka wished for such an ending?! You think this is a fair reward for everything she’s done?! Don’t be ridiculous! This… is even worse…than death would have been…!”

God-damn it. (Or is it Madoka-damn it now?) Madoka’s safe and free from the cycle of Witchification, like Homura was aiming for. But she’s done it in such a way that Homura can never see her again.

“No, you’re wrong, Homura.” Madoka! Please put on some clothes, this is getting awkward!

Madoka says that as she is now, she can see everything that ever has or will happen. Universes that could have been, and might be. And now she knows all Homura’s done for her, in all the different timelines.

Guys, I’m really digging this scene, the great music and colors, the culmination of Homura’s efforts and Madoka’s growth… but seriously, Urobuchi? You couldn’t have this while they were in their uniforms? I’m loving the scene, but the awkwardness has to be mentioned.

“I’m sorry I never knew until now… I’m so sorry.” Homura breaks down crying.

(Is… is it safe for me to ship again? Because if so, all aboard the MadoHomu!)

It wasn’t until Madoka became what she is now that she truly understood Homura. “To think that I had such a precious friend with me all this time…!”

Wait. God-Madoka damn it, are you really shooting down my ship with “friend” now? I think this scene goes a little beyond friendship!

Also, I think Sayaka might be a little miffed about all these “best friend”s being thrown about.

Homura raises a good point, that as sweet as this scene is Madoka no longer has a home, and she’ll be separated from everyone she loves (*cough* like her *cough*) to live all alone in a psychedelic realm like this forever.

To which Madoka just smiles and giggles. “But I’m not alone. All of you will always be with me. Because I will be everywhere at every moment from now on.” (Oh my God-Madoka, she’s Santa Claus! Or the NSA!) “So even if you can’t see me or hear me, know that I’ll be by your side, Homura.”

But Homura will still forget her… “It’s too soon to give up yet.”? After all, she managed to follow her all the way there…

So there’s a chance? There’s hope? Urobuchi’s not going to swoop in and ruin this?

Madoka unties her ribbons and gives them to Homura, saying that maybe she’ll still be able to remember.

“After all, Magical Girls make hopes and dreams come true! And I’m sure that if it’s just a little one, real miracles really can happen. Don’t you think?”

They’re floating apart now, Madoka has to go meet all the others.

“I’ll see you again one day, Homura. So for just a little while until then, I’ll say good-bye.”

Not gonna lie. Tearing up right now.

Scene change, city at night. Concert hall, person walking on stage. Kamijo? An audition it looks like, performing “Ave Maria”. An excellent piece!

Hey, Sayaka and Madoka are listening from the seats! Sayaka apologizes for causing “a lot of trouble”. But of course Madoka says that she’s the one who should apologize. Actually, seems she’s apologizing for leaving her “dead’ in order to save her. As… oh! If she did save Sayaka, then Kamijo wouldn’t have been healed, and that’s not what Sayaka would want.

Heh. Funny moment of one judge trying to talk to another, only to get a “Shush, I’m listening to the music.”

Sayaka talks about how she just wanted to hear him play again, for others to hear him play. Well, she is bothered about one thing (Hitomi watching from behind the curtains stage left). Ha! Sayaka says that Kamijo doesn’t deserve such a great girl. But she’s sure they’ll be very happy.

The two girls fade away as Kamijo finishes “Ave Maria.” And damn boy looks good older, in a tux in a schmancy concert hall in front of a huge audience. Sudden start? “...Sayaka?”

Cut to a Witch burning away, Homura snaps to along with Mami and Kyoko, the latter asking where Sayaka went. Mami says that she’s gone, led away by the Law of the Cycle. She used all her remaining power in that last attack. So from now on Magical Girls ‘fade away’ from using up their power, instead of turning into Witches? But then how do they get more Witches to fight?

Kyoko calls Sayaka an idiot, letting herself vanish just for some boy she liked. Sorry Kyoko, but Ship of Death, remember? “Idiot… just when we were finally getting to be friends…” Friends. Right. Seriously, what is with this finale and Urobuchi trying to sink my ships?

So the new rule is that before the hope of their Wish summons an equal amount of misfortune, they have “no choice but to vanish from the world.” Instead of the Incubator’s ‘balance’, we get a greater amount of good over harm then. That’s good for humanity!

Hey, the ribbons! Homura opens her hand to show the two red ribbons, then breaks down crying. “Madoka…!”

The others turn. Is this the first time Homura’s shown emotion in the new reality in front of them?

“Akemi? ‘Madoka’...?”

“Who’s that?”

Ouch.

We’re in a park with light piano music. WAIT, hold up. It’s the kid, the little brother whose name I can never remember! Madoka’s brother! He’s drawing in the dirt/sand, it’s a picture of Magical Girl Madoka! Does he remember too?!

Homura stops by and daw, she’s wearing one of the ribbons in her hair. That’s a good look! And yup, little bro is babbling “Madoka, Madoka!” now. Does he not remember, but Homura tells him stories about his ‘sister’? In any case, she compliments him on the drawing.

He starts to reach for the ribbon, but Dad to the rescue (with a name, Tatsuya!). Aw, but he thinks that he was about to pull on Homura’s hair. Although they seem confused when he babbles about ‘Madoka’. (Not going to cry, not going to cry…)

Later that afternoon (as Tatsuya plays with his dad in the park, guh that’s adorable) it seems that Homura’s explained that ‘Madoka’ is Tatsuya’s imaginary friend. Mother makes idle conversation about the name, how it “seems to have such a nostalgic ring to it”. (Not going to cry, NOT GOING TO CRY…) And then remarks that the loves Homura’s ribbon, that it’s almost shockingly like something she would like. Homura offers it to her, Mother waves it off, saying she’s too old for it. Maybe if she had a daughter who could wear it… (Not. Going. To…)

It’s a full moon now, and WHY?! Why did you leave the Incubator in the new reality, Madoka?! Grrr… Wait, is that Homura’s Soul Gem? Surrounded by a bunch of small black cubes, drawing darkness away from it?

The Incubator’s remarking that a system like Homura apparently just described could theoretically have worked. She idly picks up one of the cubes, says that the system was real, and tosses it back, for the Incubator to catch in its back. What, is it a mini-Grief Seed? Anyways, it seems that the Incubator has no way of verifying the story that Homura’s saying. And since she’s the only one who remembers that world, well… he puts it less bluntly, but there’s no way of telling if her memories are real or if she’s crazy. Homura just tosses back another cube.

Oh, so Soul Gems shatter now when they become “too sullied?” Which would prevent a Witch being created, and the Magical Girl dies instead of changing. But what do they fight, if there aren’t any Witches?

Ugh, but the Incubator is focusing on the “Witches” of Homura’s story, as an ‘appealing’ method of gathering emergy. But since they aren’t in this new reality, the Incubators didn’t follow that method. Instead they do something with cubes?

Wait, ‘wraiths’? So there is something about this reality for Magical Girls to fight. Is that what was burning when Homura woke up, then? And they’re connected to collecting curses?

“Just because Witches are no longer born into this world, it doesn’t mean the curses of mankind have ceased to exist. The distortions of this world have merely changed form, and now attack people from the depths of the darkness…”

Guh, white Ringwraiths! So these are the ‘wraiths’ then? Not corrupted Magical Girls, but some other sort of creature? Based from humans, or just creatures of darkness? Details, please?

The Incubator remarks that the ‘miasma’ is pretty thick tonight, the wraiths just keep coming. Homura admonishes it for complaining, and steps off the construction site for a dramatic monologue.

“Though this irredeemable world continues repeating its hatred and tragedies… this is still the place that she once tried to protect.”

Whoa, big purple wings arrest her fall, she lands and is immediately surrounded with wraiths. But she just pulls out… her weapon is a bow now.

“I remember that. And I will never forget it. That is why… I will keep fighting.”

End credits.

...wow. Just… wow.

Guys, I went into this episode fearing the worst. I was just bracing myself for Urobuchi to make everything terrible. But then, things looked ok? Then they looked awful again. Then the looked good, but with some major downsides. Up and down and up and down… and then we reached the ending.

I’m going to need some time to process all this, to write up my overall thoughts on the ending. But damn me if this wasn’t an amazing show. I- hold up, started typing this while listening to the credits music for the last time. There’s an after-credits scene?

After credits, opens on a windy black and yellow setting, one person with long hair (Homura?) walking in the distance.

“Don’t forget.

Always, somewhere,

someone is fighting for you.

As long as you remember her,

you are not alone.”

Zoom in to yup, that’s Homura. Facing a crowd of wraiths. She holy fudge what is that. I expected the pink wings from before, but these are more like tears into a witch’s labyrinth. Homura what the hell are you doing?

Madoka’s voice. “Do your best…”

Homura smiles, and the tears spread across the screen. Camera backs out to show her with her freaky wings, she then leaps forward and then bursts of blackness start exploding everywhere. Screen blackens- all five magical girls, facing away? Sound of film reel spinning loose? Girls fade away? Final picture of a Soul Gem?

...What the fuck was that?!

[thegospelofnagisa]

The Summary of my thoughts on Chapter 8

Well, as you can probably tell, I am back (Fucking Spain and Portugal....) anyway....MagiReco....I see shit did indeed kick the fan, there has been A LOT of wars and fighting going on and it might be just the beginning.

First...I gotta say the arc with Mami adicted to the Doppel thing makes sense and it’s an interesting angle with her character, poor Mami....that being said, I honestly think her defeat by Nanami is VERY anticlimatic, they spent all this time building how badass Holy Mami is and Nanami comes and beats her? What is this? Precure?. In all fairness I have not seen the fight yet so maybe there was an entire park or city Man of Steeled because of their fight, that way I’d believe it, otherwise, I have tosay that’s a very anticlimatic battle with Holy Mami, I expected a lot more, but hey I am not gonna complain, Mami is back and she’s safe with the girls.

Next the Magius plan is absolutely INSANE, so over the top and complex...I like it, they’re not pulling punches anymore, they’re pulling all their big guns now and the war is about to go down, I am sure all of you who play the game can’t wait for it right? Also Homura freaking out for Walpurgisnacht is interesting, she even tried to prevent Sayaka and Madoka from going to the conflict, I wonder if she’s gonna do something? She seems pretty preocupied with it....this isn’t crazy Hameru yet so...maybe she’ll be more optimistic about the outcome but ...I’d pay closer attention to Homura from this point on. I am glad to see they’re not stalling this conflict forever like other gatchas do (Heroes) and are moving on, I am hoping they have more stories after this to tell because this is great, it almost pisses me off that this is a stupid gatch and not what it should be...an anime, THIS should be the second, perhaps third season of Madoka Magica...it’s a shame SHAFT realized this too late and put all their bets on the death horse that is Rebellion. Maybe after all of this is done, I hope they open their eyes and give us something animated with this storyline, I think it more than deserves it, don’t you think?

Well....I am back now so....Let’s keep hoping for dem redemptions.

OH and this is LEGIT, this is EPIC, that’s an Oscar poster right there. I feel I’ve seen this pose being done before somewhere else thought...am I crazy? Either way...I love it. Thank you for keeping me informed during my abscense, I apreciate it a lot.

[magical-agatha]

Hey kyuubey I'm ready to be a magical girl now. Where are you you smug weasel. I want that look and those fantastic powers you little fluffy fuck. I'd make a great witch, lots of emotional energy for you to turn into power. I got a good wish too. Put me in a soul egg and grant my wish. I'm tired of being human. God I'm so fucking tired of all of this shit. It never ends. It's just one thing after another. You know like. I try to put on a brace face and act like everything is gonna be fine like madoka or deku or kamina or any of the incredible heroic figures i fixate on but. I'm tired. I want to be like that and be hopeful and confident and to believe that everything will get better but I'm really tired. I'm tired of fighting this. I'm tired of being in pain and feeling like garbage. Honestly as much as i adore characters like madoka and deku I'm not really like them. I'm more like homura if anything. I'm trying really hard but. I can't do this forever. Everyone says it gets better. Even me i say stuff like that a lot. But i don't believe it. I want to but like, how can i when everything I've experienced contradicts that? Ultimately the only point of reference i have is my own, although arguably my own perception of events is just as unreliable as anything I'm told because there no way of knowing that the things i see and feel and remember are real but. I have to trust my own mind bc if i don't then there's no point to anything. And as a result any judgement i make is just an inference made based on the information at hand. And in this case the information at hand is A. My own experiences B. What people tell me and C. What i try to tell myself. B and C tell me things will get better but offer no evidence. A is just 22 years 10 months and 9 days of mostly unhappy memories. Obviously there's no way of knowing A is absolutely certain but assuming it's at least reasonably certain or practically certain then i think that counts as evidence. B and C are transient and unreliable. A could be too but. If I'm to trust anything certainly it should be my own memories right?? And you know like. So far it hasn't gotten better. It gets better briefly but that never lasts, it has always gotten worse. One step forward two steps back. So what am i supposed to believe?? I'm probably not going to kill myself because any life is better than death but. I don't know what to think. I keep getting drawn to the magical girls/witches in pmmm. The law of cycles and stuff. I keep thinking about what a great witch I'd make. The whole point of magical girls is that they're all supposed to be miserable and suffer until they reach their limit and turn into a witch, creating energy. I keep thinking about what an incredible witch i could be. No walpurgis sure. But i bet i could rival homura at least. I bet i could make a pretty great wish too huh. I wonder what I'd wish for. Would i wish for something selfless like madoka, or something selfish like homura? Mm well. I'd like to think it'd be selfless but at the same time. Why should i help the world at large. I could wish to help people but. There are a lot of thoughts swirling round my head right now. I think. I'd wish to be powerful so that i could change the world and make it something better. A thing i say sometimes when I'm upset is why do other people deserve to be happy when i don't. The obvious next step is why should i be happy if they aren't. And there are a lot of unhappy people. So i think if i did get the chance to make a contract I'd wish for something both selfish and selfless. Because if everyone else is happy then i will be too. Huh. Um. Well, uhh, i mean unfortunately kyuubey and contracts aren't real so i can't do that. However maybe if i find a way to live indefinitely then i can do something else. It bothers me a little that part of why I'm so passionate about machines and post humanism is because i want to extend my own life but. Idk. It's not the only reason i care about that stuff and it's who i am i guess. I don’t want to die. I want to live forever because there are so many things i want to do. And the longer i live the more i can do. I have a lot of big dreams. Dreams that are bigger than i am. It's strange. If you strip away all my anxiety and fear i actually do believe in myself. Part of me is sure that once i can get past my mental health issues i can do incredible things. That's really reassuring. I guess that. Maybe i can believe things will get better. But the waiting makes it hard. I know I'll have to catch myself and remind myself a lot. It's never going to be easy but. Fortune favours the bold you know? If i don't keep trying to get better i won't get better. So i just have to keep trying. Yeah haha actually. That's one thing about me. I don't really give up. I get tired and i stop sometimes but i always get back up. I'm tiny and insignificant but I'll never stop fighting to achieve my dreams. Uhh.. if anyone reads this. I'm okay. I'm really happy actually. I was really miserable when i started writing this but now I'm a lot better. There's a light at the end of the tunnel.

[takerfoxx]

Um...

Right. Okay, so here we have the finale of season one, and with the announcement that we are indeed getting a second cour (ha! Called it!), they wisely did not wrap anything up but instead cranked up the momentum, ending things on a literal cliffhanger.

So...huh.

Now, there are two principle points I’d like to focus on here. And the first ought to be obvious.

=ahem-

SUNDAY! SUNDAY! SUNDAY! 

MAIN EVENT OF THE MAGICAL GIRL BRAWL! WE HAVE KNIGHT OF JUSTICE SAYAKA MIKI TAKING ON HOLY SHARPSHOOTER MAMI TOMOE, IN HER SECOND EVER TITLE DEFENSE! KOUHAI VS. SEMPAI! STUDENT VS. MENTOR! WILL THE IMMOVABLE OBJECT BE ABLE TO TOPPLE THE IRRESISTIBLE FORCE, OR HAS SAYAKA BROUGHT A KNIFE TO A GUN FIGHT? FIND OUT, ONLY ON PPV!

Yeah, okay, that happened. The third ever one-on-one fight between two of the classic megucas, and this one involved BEST GIRL Sayaka Miki, whom I’ve been waiting desperately for.

I mean, Sayaka vs. Mami! Can you get any more hype than that?

So...why was I not as hype as I ought to have been?

Well, the answer to that is simple. It’s because somebody got really excited after seeing the fight and decided to post spoilers all over social media before I could see the episode, spoiling Sayaka’s big entrance and the fact that she fights Mami for me! I mean, she even opened with her signature fire extinguisher spot! I would’ve flipped my shit!

See, this is why I use the spoiler break! So I don’t do that to someone else!

But all griping aside, the fight really was amazing. Sayaka gets unfairly dismissed as the scrub of the group, mainly due to her getting absolutely trounced by Kyoko in their 1v1 and later succumbing to despair, but let’s face it: she was a rookie, one with no real training, made to find her own way while being compared to veterans like Kyoko and Mami, Homura the cheatspammer, and Madoka’s sheer unnatural potential. Sure, she powerleveled in Rebellion Story, but that was due to supernatural means. 

Well, I mean, more supernatural than usual.

Here, we get to see what would have happened had Mami survived to train Sayaka properly, if Sayaka got some actual experience and learned to use her abilities.

And she kind of kicks ass. 

I mean, my girl straight up tanks a Tiro Finale, even going so far as getting her own arm blown off in what was probably the franchise’s goriest scene yet, and simply snatched her own hand out of midair with her regenerating arm! She went head-on with superpowered Mami Doppel (I think?) and held her own?

I mean, it didn’t last, because superpowered Mami Doppel, but she still made a good showing of herself. Which leads to Iroha summing her Doppel (of course) and...Yachiyo summoning hers, because apparently she could always do that? And...um...

Yachiyo. Dude.

I’m sorry, but that whole...scorpion thing they were going for might have worked as a full witch, but with Yachiyo’s head sticking out the front with her on all fours just looked really, really stupid. Like, distractingly stupid. 

So anyway, them working together manages to be enough to bring down Mami (whom apparently has transformed into an Uwasa by this point?!), but the whole museum comes crashing down and Iroha is dragged away by Mami, who by this point is quite coocoo, as is her wont.

So yeah. Awesome fight. Interested to see if Sayaka sticks around to help Yachiyo, and if we’re getting more of Kyoko. I presume Madoka and Homura make their debut next season.

So...now that we’ve got that out of the way, let’s talk about the thing I’ve been puzzling over for a while now.

We see Touka give her big Hitler-esque speech with the WoM gathered below her in their cult robes. Rena’s not having it and tries to leave, but gets blocked off by the others. And apparently Yui, Felicia, and Sana are either up to something and trying to blend in, or they’ve decided to say fuck it and join up. And apparently Kuroe is there too! Wonder where she’s been.

But anyway, here’s what’s got me all twisted up.

We’re clearly not meant to like the WoM. Alina’s a psycho, Touka’s got that empty-eye grin that’s used to denote villains, their acolytes wear cult robes, Touka’s speech was clearly meant to evoke Nazi Germany, they’ve brainwashed one of the OG’s, everything about how they act and how they’re framed is meant to portray them as the bad guys.

Except...pretty much everything in Touka’s speech was...right? Like, completely? Everything she said about being victims of the Incubators’ scam is exactly what the fans have been saying for years. And she genuinely did find a way out of it, a way to channel negative energy into a temporary witch form without becoming a full witch. She stopped the wish/witch cycle dead! That’s amazing!

So what’s the catch? Why are they the bad guys? I mean, ditch the robes and give the leaders’ an attitude adjustment, and I don’t see how they could be.

Well, I have some theories about that. Of course there is a catch, because this is still PMMM, and I would bet my left arm that it has to do with the Uwasas. We never did get an explanation as to what they were for, but given that their whole purpose is to lure people in, I’d say that they’re the ones providing the necessary fuel for the Doppel system to work. I recall Touka saying something to that effect during her speech, so probably in order to save themselves, the WoM need to prey upon normal humans, harvesting their emotional energy the same way the Incubators harvested that of magical girls? I mean, hell, a lot of what Touka has said has made me believe that she’s kind of a magical girl supremacist, one who sees it as their right to lord over normal people. 

Plus, apparently the weird writing when Mami went ham noted her as actually having become an Uwasa (or so I’m told), so what if that’s what Uwasa are? What if they really are kind of witches, ones created from WoM members? Which would also make Touka a bit of hypocrite.

Also, Walpurgisnacht is fucking coming. Fuck.

So that was the first season of Magia Record, something I went into with plenty of reservations but did eventually get won over by! I mean, I didn’t love it, and still consider it the weakest of the three shows I watched this season, but I still liked it a lot, flaws and all. Solid 7.5 out of 10, and hopefully season two will ramp things up, now that all the gang is established the plot is finally moving.

And that new ED was dope.

[takerfoxx]

“The True Meaning of Christmas” Thoughts

Disappointing reception aside, I still really liked this story, and it’s worth talking about. So let’s jump in!

Like I said earlier, the premise for this special was actually recycled from the original idea I had for A Very Nineball Christmas, in which the various members of Team Nineball would try to explain the true meaning of Christmas to one another, with each explanation being more outlandish and inaccurate than the last. This was scrapped for reasons that I no longer remember, and the plot of Daiyousei's gift-hunting adventure was used instead. I always had an idea of writing a sequel that recycled the original idea, but it never materialized. However, when I was about ready to call the whole Christmas special thing quits on account of not having any ideas for another PMMM story, I realized that that old idea could be easily adapted into a PMMM setting, so the decision was made.

I knew from the get-go that I didn't want to make it a Resonance Days story, since the show's original setting worked just fine. I also knew I wanted it to be post-Rebellion since Nagisa was perfect for a sort of Little Timmy character for the other characters to try to explain things to. There were some changes to canon though. Everyone's still contracted with Kyubey in this version, even though the end of Rebellion implied that Homura had resolved to take care of the remaining Wraiths herself and would certainly not want Madoka anywhere near another contract. This was ignored to keep things at least somewhat familiar, as delving too far into what-if's would just distract from the story I was trying to tell. Granted, I did indulge in that little deviation with Madoka's vague Christianity, which, as I mentioned, just came from the particular English subs on my copy and doesn't seem to appear anywhere else, but it didn't change too much and stayed within the bounds of acceptable deviation, so it was kept.

Mami's story was sort of tricky. I wanted her to handle the family aspect given what happened to her parents, but unfortunately, the whole happy family at Christmas thing isn't the sort of thing that fills pages. In fact, originally it just had the one page and ended with her going downstairs and finding her parents waiting for her. But as the other stories kept getting longer and longer, I realized I had to beef hers up at least a little, so the whole bit with the arrows and the snowballs was added. Personally I would have liked to have done more, but even that bit of stretching was hard enough as it was, so I just left it.

Now, before I get to Kyoko and Sayaka's stories, let me just take a moment to comment on those two. See, it's no secret that they're my favorite PMMM characters, and I ship them oh so very hard. But the funny thing is, despite writing one of the biggest and certainly the longest KyoSaya fic running currently for the last four years or so, I realized during this story that I had never really written an actual interaction between them. Everything in Resonance Days was all Kyoko and Oktavia, and to date they had never hooked up. They did in Walpurgis Nights, but again, that's Ophelia and Oktavia, not Kyoko and Sayaka. Close, but not quite the actual thing. So this was the first time I ever got to write Kyoko Sakura and Sayaka Miki in a scene together that wasn't a flashback or a dream. And since this is my story and I do what I want, I just went ahead, killed the subtext, and made them straight-up gay for each other. And let me tell you: it was fun, especially since I got to get rid of Kyoko's cynicism and Sayaka's holier-than-thou attitude. As a result, I got a pair of wonderful goofballs that just bounced off one another beautifully. Getting the same chemistry out of Kyoko and Oktavia is always kind of difficult, since there's usually a melancholy note that dampens it. But this was just a delight, and I hope to be able to do something similar in the future.

Okay, let's get to their own stories. I had Sayaka cover Santa Claus, since she's the energetic, fun-loving one even in the original series. And because it's her, I had her butcher it terribly and turn it into her own weird fantasy where she coos over Nagisa (which she totally would) and eventually turns it into a cheesy Sailor Moon-esque show with skimpy outfits and Homura as the evil queen. Because she totally would. That one alternated between being fun and breezy to surprisingly difficult. It's easy to parody something that you are very familiar with, but seeing how I never watched Sailor Moon, I got stuck sometimes. It's easy for me to do silly. I am great with silly. But intentionally cheesy is another kettle of fish, and it proved to be more difficult than I expected.

Anyway, of course Kyoko would handle the Nativity, given her religious background. This story was probably the easiest of the bunch, since I already knew the Nativity story backwards and forwards. But what kind of held me up was exactly how to approach. I'll get into a little more in depth about my own feelings toward Christmas's religious aspects a little later, but even so, if I had her recite the actual Nativity story like Linus did in Charlie Brown Christmas it wouldn't have worked at all. For one, if you're going to go that route, you have to go all in like Peanuts did, and that just wouldn't have worked. It would've stuck out like a sore thumb, taken attention away from the rest of the story, and since I don't personally adhere to the religious aspects of Christmas, it would have felt fake and forced coming from me. Believe it or not, I personally feel that the lighthearted, irreverent parody I went with instead would have been less disrespectful instead, since it was made clear that it was just Kyoko having some fun, the other characters interrupted her constantly to tell her how much she was screwing up the story, and it never directed insulted the source material. Even so, while it was funny and the easiest of the stories, it was also kind of uncomfortable, as even though I don't go personally see Christmas as a religious thing, I don't want to disrespect those who do. That's just not me. So that was a bit of a tightrope to walk, but hopefully no one was offended.

All right, moving on to the next two. Again, it's weird to think about, but even with Walpurgis Nights being a thing, this was the first time I actually had a story that included Madoka and Homura. It was the first time they ever got lines. And that's just weird. For Madoka, I just copied how I did Gretchen in WN, but Homura was…well, I've been doing cold, sarcastic, and contemptuous characters for a while, so she was surprisingly easy to write for. Madoka's story had some issues going in though. I knew I wanted her to cover the romance thing, but like I've mentioned before, that sort of thing just doesn't come easy to me. Mami and Charlotte is pretty easy at this point since I've been developing their characters for so long and worked really hard at making their relationship believable, but this sort of cutesy one-off…well, it took some work and lots of rewriting. It kept veering into Homura almost guiltily confessing how she had brainwashed everyone, and obviously I couldn't include that, so for once I actually had to stop a scene from taking its own path and write something safer, which is not something I do often. I also had to figure out a way to explain why Madoka was sharing such an intimate moment with everyone when she hadn't even admitted that she and Homura were dating, and also find a reason why Homura wouldn't stop her. As such, the whole gimmick of her accidentally transmitting the memory to her soul gem was thought up. For that I feel it worked pretty well. I also got a kick out of the whole bit where Madoka is all embarrassed about coming clean, while everyone else is like, "Yeah, no shit you're gay." It was sort of difficult to think of an explanation for why she and her parents would skip out on having Christmas morning together. At least her totally not canon religiousness came in handy for that.

Anyway, things got darker during Mami's little emotional episode, though Homura did help turn things around. Funny thing is, I always loved the Homucifer twist in Rebellion, since it was a wonderfully dark way to take things, no one saw it coming, but it made perfect sense in hindsight. But I also acknowledge just how messed up Homura became and the many unfortunate implications there are concerning the extent she took her brainwashing of everyone else, especially seeing how she essentially erased Madoka and Sayaka's friendship. But those were implications for another story and I wanted to keep things light, so I just went a vague acknowledgement that this was indeed Homucifer and went for a more optimistic interpretation of her actions and left it at that.

Obviously Homura would be the one to set the record straight at the end, given how few fucks she's giving these days. And of course it would be a dry, Spock-esque recital, complete with her quoting Linus's famous line. Now to do this scene, I had to go back and do a little research of my own. I already knew that it wasn't actually Jesus's birthday and a lot is borrowed from ancient pagan holidays. And I had a fair idea of where Santa came from, and knew about Japan's own Christmas traditions. But a lot surprised me. Turns out Christmas has a really gnarly, and sometimes downright bloody history. Thank God a lot of it is no longer done, but things like caroling and gingerbread men come from some twisted sources. Also, I had heard about the connection between Odin and Santa, but this was the first time I had it confirmed. Turns out there's a lot of old Norse traditions sticking around, which is weird and really cool. But anyway, I felt it was a nice way to end things, with the confirmation that since Christmas has a really weird history that borrows from several dozen sources, everyone's reasons for celebrating it are equally valid.

Now that being said, let's get personal for a moment here. For me personally, Christmas is a weird time. Part of it is due to how I always have to work on it, and Christmas shifts are always pretty stressful, so that's a big bah humbug. And it gets harder to figure out what to get people every year. Further to the point, I was actually raised in a Christian household, so for many years the whole Jesus's birth was really important to me. But as I got older and learned more about the holiday's history I got more and more disillusioned with that bit. I mean I didn't come to have a problem with Christianity itself and certainly never had an issue with anyone who chose to celebrate Jesus's birthday on Christmas. But watching such dumbness like the War on Christmas and people getting all worked up about such things like "Taking the Christ out of Christmas" and moaning about secularization and all that when it was never actually Jesus's birthday to begin with…well, I didn't like it, let's just say that. It just seems like a dumb hill to die on, and seeing people I know and love still carrying on about it just really bothers me.

But even so, while I may be more cynical about Christmas these days, I can't deny that there's just something special about it. I still remember looking forward to it every year, the excitement of giving and receiving gifts, family all getting together and having a great time back before my aunts starting fighting, and just that feeling in the air. I still love Christmas music, Christmas decorations, and just that overall Christmas feel, and while I do like my job, getting my Christmases back is one thing I am really looking forward to once I finally leave.

So I guess right now my feelings toward Christmas are mostly in line with Homura and Sayaka's. There is something weirdly special about it, and it should be a fun day. And all the reasons for celebrating it are equally valid. So let's please stop with the dumb arguing and just have fun together, okay?