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#homophobia asf
alexisntedgy · 8 months
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he doesnt like choccy oranges guys (I don’t either stop getting me them)
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moralesmilesanhour · 1 year
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It be cracking me tf up when people write Miles G like Riley from The Boondocks
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bijoumikhawal · 2 years
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hellooo! i came across your blog a few weeks ago and can i just say i love and appreciate it so, so much!! <3
i was wondering if you know of any resources that could help a beginner learn coptic (especially reading and writing the transcript)? resources are so scarce to come across online and irl and i don't know where to begin :/ ofc it's alright if you don't but i thought i'd ask anyway. thank you sm either way! ❤️
Unfortunately I myself don't speak Coptic (which is pretty common- few Copts do even though there's been a community push for a Boharic course on duolingo, which the dialect currently in use by the church).
There are books, online dictionaries, etc, which are focused on western academics being able to translate old sources, and unfortunately I can't recommend any Copts that are involved with learning the language because many of the ones I've met who dedicate their online presence to it are racist/homophobic/etc. That said here's what I do have-
With Coptic script, omniglot has a discussion and links to further sources, including lessons.
CDO is an online dictionary that combines several sources and tells you dialect, but does not provide transliteration into Latin or Arabic script.
There's this shorter lecture guide here, and Coptic Place, which has learning resources including some aimed at kids, and Coptic for All which is London based. "So you want to learn Coptic?" is a Boharic grammar book.
Theres this intro to Sahidic Coptic, which I think has value as a dialect because Upper Egypt held to using Coptic longer and Sahidic having more original works written in it that we still have today (to the point where I've seen people claim some isolated villages in Upper Egypt have Coptic speakers to this day, I cannot verify or deny that). There used to be a video of some basic phrases in Sahidic on YouTube that I liked but its since been taken down. There's also this with an associated memrise course, and a 20 lesson book.
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l1qu1dsm00th · 2 years
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*Noises coming from Alan's room*
Konfi knocking on his door: "Bro what are you doing in there??"
Alan who was cuddling with Nikei on the bed now trying to get him off: "UHH— DRUGS."
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patscorner · 5 days
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Of course I’m “trans phobic” when I make valid points… trans athletes shouldn’t play in female sports, if you were an athlete you’d understand lmao 😜
I don't have to say much, you've embarrassed yourself enough.
get the fuck off my page.
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ruthimages · 1 year
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sleepyangelkami · 1 year
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pastors daughter was so good 😖😖 a pt 2 would be so cool 🎀🤍
PASTORS DAUGHTER II e.williams
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 ☆ WORD COUNT - 5.4K
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ELLIE WILLIAMS X FEM!READER
 ☆ SUMMARY - ellie williams can't seem to stay away from the pastors daughter and a certain memory is engraved in both their minds. the only problem was, while one was all but drunk off the past image, the other was doing everything in her power to wash it away. luckily for them, one was much more intent on getting what they wanted than the other, so much so that it sufficed for them both.
 ☆ WARNINGS - homophobia, internal homophobia, kisses ;), religious 'trauma'?, reader being stupid asf, my shitty writing, innocence kink, corruption kink, intended lower case, nothing i write is ever proofread 🩷
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ash/ashley = readers sister.
there were many things ellie williams felt that night, ecstasy, relief, pure and utter bliss. what she didn't think, however, was that it would lead to her sitting in a seat by herself in her kitchen, a hand on her forehead as she skimmed through her thoughts as if she were an absolute idiot. when her lips were on yours, wet kisses pushing roughly against your so obviously 'unkissed' pout. you were knew to it, never have kissed anyone before but how could you? when you wore a silver cross necklace so proudly, you spent most your time cooped up in the little church across the road, you couldn't ever have even gotten close enough. there was such pride that ellie had swooning through her as she placed the very first kiss ever on your lips. it was pure bliss, to finally get what she had wanted for so long, to have you right where she wanted. everything was... perfect.
until, you ran away.
almost a week had passed, no call, no text, not even a mumble of a hello in the hallway. you did everything in your power to run the opposite direction upon seeing ellie anywhere near you. suddenly, you had choir more often, you had violin class too, along with the many other clubs you had joined. suddenly, you spent near no time in your own house let alone when ellie was standing in it.
of course, guilt racked your thoughts. the way her face seemed to contort as you pulled away from her, making a sound that didn't sound as though you were happy. panic stricken face as you couldn't even look at her own heartbreaking one. guilt consumed you everywhere you went. when you sat inside a church, thinking of the very reason you had to run away, when you saw a couple holding hands knowing that it was only reminding you of ellie williams and when you saw her in the hall, when her face lit up at the sight of you and when you pushed yourself into the nearest cubicle you could find simply to avoid her.
but how could you face her now? knowing you had committed the very sin you had swore against every devil you would never do. how could you look at her knowing that every inch of you was aching to be with her, and that was so wrong.
a text caused your body to jolt ever so slightly, a vibration being sent through your leg as you glanced down at your phone in which was sitting in your lap.
it was english class and mr. lionel was currently giving out to three girls, they hadn't stopped talking upon entering the class and mr. lionel had just about enough. you glanced down at the phone, biting your bottom lip, surely, the man wouldn't notice. you had never exactly went on your phone in class, then again, no one texted you really aside from ashley but she never texted at this hour, no, she was either ditching school to sleep or in one of the classes she liked best, either way, she wouldn't be texting you at such a time. you chewed down on your bottom lip, the thought of getting caught, getting in trouble was enough to send your stomach pit falling down to your ankles. but you did, because lately you seemed to be doing just about everything you weren't supposed to. glancing down, you slowly turned your phone upwards so the screen was facing you and you could read the little words that littered across it.
unknown: hey this is max, listen i know everything happened between us but i need to see you. behind the school at 4:00. don't be late.
weird, you thought you still had maxine's contact saved but nevertheless brushed it off. your pit in your stomach grew, worsening as you opened the message to type back. you didn't want to meet her, if you did and by chance, your parents found out, you would never be let see the light of day again. but maxine needed you. and whether that was to help fix a problem or scream at her one last time you knew you owed her that much. so, you pattered your fingertips against the dark screen, ignoring the haunting feeling that someone may see you, guilt swarming your every move. you truly didn't know how to break the news to maxine and ruth that you were never permitted to speak to them again and while they seemed oh so understanding, you couldn't help the guilt that prodded against you as they hugged you for the last time. you also, as much as you'd like to admit it, couldn't keep the tears at bay that day.
"y/n." your eyes snapped towards your teacher, phone plopping back in your lap just as you sent the text through. he was giving you a suspicious eye, catching you on your phone. but he wouldn't humiliate you, not in front of your peers at least, no, he'd never, after all you were his favourite student. "can you tell me which poetic technique is shown here?"
"uhm." squirming in your seat as your eyes fell onto the board. "oxymoron, contrasting between the light and dark." mumbling so low he could barely hear you, but nonetheless he grinned and like that, he continued on with class, something you were oh so grateful for.
the end of school neared dangerously closer as you ended up in the front of maths class, scribbling down trigonometric ratios while your stomach twisted over and over, the thoughts of seeing maxine after school could only cause your brain to absolutely fry. you were thankful she had picked behind the school, no one went there after school so naturally it was the most private place to be, you wondered if she did that for you or for herself, so she could yell at you in peace. while you were sure you didn't wish to be yelled at you knew you deserved it. for the first time in that whole week, ellie williams wasn't on your mind, just those two friends that you missed ever so dearly and yet couldn't even communicate to.
as soon as the bell rang through your ears, you scooped up your pretty pink bag and stuffed all your belongings inside. with pencils almost falling out of your pencil case, you crushed everything together and zipped up your bag with great effort. you didn't so much as bid the teacher goodbye before you were on your feet, ignoring the way your mary janes skid across the hallway floors but instead focusing on how much faster you could get there, you didn't wish to be late. after all, she had specified you not do so. the school was large but thankfully you knew it like the back of your hand.
gripping the straps of your pretty bag against your shoulders, you all but ran toward the other side of the school. checking your back and over your shoulder you realised that no, you were not being followed just extra paranoid. how could you not? when you had practically burned bridges with just about everyone. you blinked heavily, readying yourself to turn the corner and be met with a very angry maxine.
you weren't met with an angry maxine because you weren't met with maxine at all.
ellie williams stood with her back to the wall, stomping out a cigarette with her foot. you stood frozen, eyes wide and at first you believed it could be some mistake, some mix up but by the way her eyes lit up when her head turned towards you, it certainly was no mistake. "y/n, you came."
you gave her a look with furrowed brows. "you pretended to be max." it wasn't a question, it was a statement.
ellie pushed her back from the wall, moving towards you. "look, i know it was fucked up, i know but y'wanna know what else is fucked up? ignoring me for a whole week." you looked around, hands holding yourself close as you hoped and prayed that no one saw the two of you conversing. something about standing with ellie made you feel so... filthy. "i mean what the fuck was that?" as bad as it sounded, the crude language felt so refreshing to hear tumbling from her lips.
your hands scratched at opposite arms. "ellie, we shouldn't do this here... now." any excuse to get yourself right out of this situation as fast as humanly possible. guilt swarmed your entire being. "i— i'm sorry, for ignoring you and for-" you sighed heavily, looking away while you fought back the burning in your irises. "for everything that happened." the wet, open mouthed kiss that made you forget jesus' name. "and i'm sorry but it's not gonna work." you were shrinking in on yourself, in your very own arms with a sad puppy look in your eyes, you bit down harshly on your bottom lip.
ellie watched you intently, arms to her eyes as she studied your own feeble ones, doing a rather shitty attempt at covering your body. "funny." she scoffed, eyes never leaving your own glasses over ones that couldn't seem to gaze into hers. "you were pretty sure it wasn't gonna happen before you kissed me too." eyes as wide as saucers, you swiftly turned your head around, worried someone may hear. you couldn't even begin to imagine what sort of reaction people would have to know that the pastors daughter had kissed a girl. "you wanna know what i think?" stepping closer to you as your breath caught in your throat, no you didn't want to know what she thought of the situation as you'd much rather there be no situation at all. "i think you're a liar." you swallowed harshly, mumbling a sheer 'stop' as she walked closer towards you. and yet, you made no movement to step back. "you liked everything about that night, admit it." her voice dropped as the dark clouds surrounded the sky seemed even darker, heavier. there was a sudden change in the atmosphere, one in which almost made you think a thunder storm was on it's way. "you wanted my lips on yours, to feel me against you, to soothe that ache between—"
she was caught off abruptly by you, who hadn't uttered a word but instead shot your hand forward instantly, shoving it over her mouth so she couldn't continue her sentence. upon shoving your hand on her mouth, you had Accidentally pushed her, she took the opportunity to seize your upper arms. she all but threw herself backwards, bringing you with her. her back hit the wall, you stood in front of her, eyes wide and breath picking up as your hand stayed on her lips, her hands on your arms.
you made a noise, one that told you and her that you didn't wish to move but you felt as though you simply had to. and she could understand, to a certain extent she supposed. you were good girl y/n who could never do any wrong, something about someone spotting you with her, the delinquent ellie williams, pressing her against a wall, was absolutely teeth rottingly addictive. she wanted someone to turn the corner, she wanted people to see, to know that the precious gem of the town y/n l/n was all hers and no one could do anything about it.
your breath slowed and your eyes racked over every perfect imperfection dotted on her face. her freckles looked lighter in this lighting and though you were a great deal smaller than her, your hand wound around the bottom half of her face easily. your chest heaved, as did hers and you could feel it. when she had practically thrown herself backwards she had let you stumble so far that you were chest to chest and horrendously flustered.
ellie however, seemed to be enjoying herself. you couldn't see her lips but you could feel her pretty smirk against the skin of your dainty hands, the way her brows relaxed and her sage eyes gave you this drunk look. to her, she did feel drunk, she was drunk off of you, your innocence, purity, kindness, your big bad secret that only she knew.
you blinked when you felt her hand against your face, though you didn't flinch nor recoil away, she saw that as a good sign. her tattooed arm was raised, hand slowly brushing against your soft skin. her thumb trailed across your cheek and towards your lips, dragging it against your pretty skin, you almost gasped out. you weren't doing this again, you couldn't.
the gentle yet sudden patter of raindrops against your head caused you to instantly pull away. "I— i have to go." you almost spat out in sheer panic. and for the second time, you ran away. but this time, ellie didn't call your name or run a hand through her hair with stress evident on her face, no.
ellie leaned against the wall, watching as you all but sprinted away from her, your pretty dress bouncing against the back of your legs, she wondered what color the fabric that sat beneath the dress was. she had this smirk on her face, one that you of course would have wished to wipe off more than anything but how couldn't she? she had seen that look in your eye, that unfamiliar lust filling your pretty irises as you raked your eyes over her face. the slight confusion to why you had felt this way and yet everything about you seemed so comforted by her and yet so so tense. she knew then and there that it was not over.
ellie still had a chance to change your mind.
"is daddy gonna go after church?" you questioned to your sister as you held the church baskets you had been cleaning close in your hands. it been three days since you spoke with ellie, it was a saturday, and it was the day that your sister and her school year had their parent teacher meetings. you were lucky, you had them at the very start of the year.
"yeah." she stomped on the cigarette and waited for it to grow damp in the soil. "said he's gonna bring mom too." this caused you to furrow your brows as you continued on your journey.
"but mama never goes to those things?" your mind couldn't stand the thought of ellie williams, how you had caved so easily. she had gotten so close to what she wanted and you couldn't let that happen. however, after three days of no contact, she no longer seemed to be around when you were, you supposed she had gotten the hint. you were relieved, to say the least and had repented for whatever sins you could that past week, however you couldn't stop that burning chest in your feeling when you thought of her. you wondered, what she thinking about you too?
your sister tsked. "yeah but they wanna get sympathy for having such a screw up of a daughter." she spoke with an almost sarcastic tone. "best way to do that is to talk to my teachers about how hard it is to raise me."
you gave her sympathetic eyes as you pushed the church doors open, mass would be starting any minute now. you were never late to mass, unless of course you walked with ashley, it happened to be one of those days. "you're not a screw up, ash." she gave you a ghost of a smile one that did not quite reach her eyes.
"thanks loser, 'ppreciate it." some said you were daises and the sun, and ashley was only orchids and the moon, a beautiful combination that never failed to amuse anyone. i mean, wouldn't it look odd? to see a girl with dark hair and hot pink highlights, chains on her jeans, her nails always painted black whether they were full or chipped, some form of polish always coating them. and then there was you, pretty natural hair sitting on your shoulders and always in a dress or a skirt, only wearing bright colors. you wore little to no makeup, not because you weren't allowed but because you simply weren't good at it. so, you opted for a natural face while your sister always had some form of eyeshadow on, her waterlines filled in black. "woah, what the fuck are you doing here?" you furrowed your brows at your sister, who was looking right over you. spinning around, you were not ready for the sight you were met with.
ellie williams cleaned up nicely when she wanted to.
she wore a brown button up and a jeans, her hair was freshly cut and her tattoo was on show. you had seen it before, of course, from the many short sleeves she wore around you however it had never been on display in front of your parents let alone in the church. speaking of which, she never came to church either. after the first night ellie had been begged to go to church with ashley, she swore off it, first, she almost dropped the baby jesus in which had been passed to her by ashley, then she had to shake a bunch of old women's hands during mass and was sat next to some kid who wouldn't stop touching her feet as they crawled around the kneeler, then she realised she couldn't even get a good view of you, the main reason she had stayed through the entire mass, because some old bald man had sat in front of her and stood too tall. she didn't go to church because she didn't believe in god too, that was a main factor she supposed. she shouldn't be here, you thought. not because she didn't deserve the right to worship the lord but because you knew by the way her eyes raked up your body that she was not here for a mass ceremony. "what? too late to get into heaven?" she shot you a glance, almost one of accusation. the truth was, you didn't think you were going to hell, how could you when you did just about everything for god himself. in fact, you were sure you were more religious than your father. but the bible was outdated, that was the reason there was a new testament. god wasn't going to punish you for feeling how you felt because if the story of god was true, he made you with every perfect imperfection, not that you'd exactly call such a thing an imperfection. sometimes, you wondered if your father truly believed that being gay was wrong because of god or if he was just hiding behind such a fact because he was scared that he truly didn't have a reason not to like someone for being such a way. "sweetheart." a smirk dancing on her lips as she nodded her head at you. yeah, she definitely did not get the hint.
you turned to your sister with a small huff. "could you put these by the benches, please?" she nodded, taking the baskets from your hands. "thank you." and you turned back to ellie williams. "you have mud on your nose." watching as her face scrunched up and her hand came up to wipe it away, her long fingers stretching— you shook your head free of the thoughts before scrambling up to the alter to get into the sacristy.
when mass started, you did everything in your power to avert your eyes from ellie williams, sitting so smugly in the audience. she knew what she was doing, spreading her legs apart with her elbows resting towards her knees, her eyes never left your face.
you, however, looked straight forward with your tight chest and mumbling words from time to time. you pretended to be interested in the sheet you were holding, following along the words in your mind as your father read them out from the top of the alter. he read smoothly, not a stutter in his voice. you longed to have such confidence, to not shake like a leaf when presenting a project, to have the confidence to look ellie fucking williams in the eye and not shy away, to have the confidence to admit it even if it was just in your mind that you felt the way you weren't supposed to. you liked the forbidden fruit. the words formed so clearly in your mind. i like gi— "and now may we rise for the holy communion." giving out holy bread, your eyes concentrated back on the task, that was you're job. well, you and three other people.
you all but scrambled towards the bowel in which held the holy bread, grasping it and going to the right of the alter, ashley went to the left and two of the church boys went to the middle, all with your own holy bread dishes. ashley was rolling her eyes, mumbling the words under her breath. one of the older women came up to her, instead of holding out their hands they opened their mouth, her eyes went wide and she turned towards you, giving you both a shocked and disgusted look. you gave her a warning look, gesturing towards your father who was watching her like a hawk. she grimaced before placing it inside the womans mouth.
giggling to yourself, you turned back with a grin on your face. it dropped suddenly at the sight of ellie williams standing in front of you, looking as innocent as ever (not). you gave her a stern look, as if to tell her stop playing her little games and especially here of all places. "body of christ." you mumbled beneath your breath as your hand moved towards the bowel once more, picking up a rounded piece of holy bread.
"amen." she said the word in the cockiest tone you had ever heard in your entire life. but you fought back an eye roll, instead you just held it up, ready to place it in her left hand, the idiot would probably hold out the right hand instead. you internally groaned, ready for her to show just how much she respects the religion. your expression blanked as she opened her mouth, sticking out her tongue. your breath stuttered, in front of everyone. no one was looking, no one cared. and yet you felt as though you were on stage with an enlarged audience.
your hand wobbled. "what are you doing?" you whispered to her, noticing how people were conversing, not bothering to glance at who was receiving holy bread and your father was too focused on ashley to so much as glance your way.
she smirked, closing her mouth momentarily. "getting my holy bread." she spoke as if it were painfully obvious. opening her mouth again, she flattened her tongue across her bottom lip, you pretended your chest didn't clench and neither did your thighs. you could imagine that tongue doing a painfully soft attack against your neck, that was all you knew could happen with a tongue. ellie, however, had many other things in mind of just where she wanted her tongue when it came to you. it was humorous, how your sinful thoughts were still somewhat innocent but ellie's... ellie's thoughts were nothing short of the devil herself's thoughts feulling into her brain. you placed the holy bread against her tongue, ignoring the way it wet your thumb ever so slightly. she closed her lips, giving you a smug type of look. "thanks, angel." and you were left with clenched thighs, dusty cheeks, flustered head and a ditsy feeling. you glanced down at the small patch of saliva on your thumb and all you could think about was that night.
"i— i think you should go." but you didn't want her to go, you really didn't want her to go.
"you wan't me here?" as a wet kiss came down to the skin of your neck, you gasped out, blinking. this was a dream, it had to be. you felt almost euphoric as her lips flattened against the crook of your neck, the way they kissed you so delicately as if you were made of glass. she moved her head back up almost instantly, as if her own actions weren't affecting her. her lips brushed against your own, so closely that you could taste her. "or here?"
you weren't proud of what you did next.
you didn't pull away nor make any attempts to get away, in fact, you reached your face up to meet her own. her face crashed down rather swiftly, so fast that you could barely register the way her lips rammed right into your own.
you had never kissed anyone before, never even thought of so aside from her. you breathed heavily, she swallowed your heaves and gasps into her own mouth, she pushed a hand up to hold your neck in place the other steady on your hip as her tongue pressed against your bottom lip.
this euphoric feeling hit you like a tonne of bricks, you suddenly felt that nothing was impossible, that this life for you was somewhat of an option. but it wasn't because euphoria doesn't last forever, it can't because there needs to be something to cancel it out so you get to feel that way. otherwise, wouldn't euphoria feel normal? that would mean that bad was despair and good simply wasn't enough. but this. this was too much.
you pulled away harshly, tears coating the glass of your eyes. " 'm sorry— 'm sorry i can't." and you ran. you ran out of the kitchen, up the stairs and right into your bedroom. you could still see that look of heartbreak on her face. you slid down the door, hand on your chest and knees bunched up. you were nothing short of an absolute idiot. you breathed heavily but this time there were no big soothing hands or the lulling that only ellie william's voice could control. you felt panic overcome you. you weren't gay. you couldn't be. and you certainly weren't falling for ellie williams.
oh, but you were, you were so desperately in love with her since the day you saw her and her stupid auburn hair or her stupid freckles, how about her stupid green eyes. stupid. stupid. stupid. but so lovely.
you sat inside your bedroom once more, fingers softly padding against your bottom lip. you were the stupid one, you were beginning to realise. it was just so hard. to love a girl so much and yet know that it was either her or everything you had ever worked for. that decision was already made, not by your father, your mother, your sister, ellie.... by you. you'd choose it over and over again.
you'd choose her.
a bang on your window caused you to jump harshly, twisting your whole body towards your window, it was dark out but you could make out ellie williams lean figure from a mile away. however, she seemed a little more entangled now. she was kicking a wire off her foot, cursing so loudly that you could hear her from the inside of your bedroom. what on earth was she doing? ashley was at the parent teacher meeting with your mother and father so it was only you inside the bedroom, alone, well, you supposed you weren't alone when you had the dits of a girl outside your bedroom window. "fuck! ow, ow!" as she almost face planted against your window. you had enough. you stood and rapidly scrambled towards the window, pulling it open and it seemed as though the girl hadn't been expecting it because she fell straight through it. "fuck, oh, that worked." she stood instantly, brushing off her jeans. she hadn't changed since the church, you, however, were already dressed in your silkiest pijamas. "hey, hello..." panting before straining her eyes back on you, she relaxed, a lazy smile on her face. "hi."
you almost laughed. almost. "do you know what time it is, ellie?" but you didn't seem mad, not by the way you shut the window for her to stay and took a seat on your window bench. she shook her head, eyes glancing around your childish yet pretty bedroom, right, she had never been in there. you silently cursed the stuffed animals sitting on your bed. her eye caught them and grinned. "aren't you supposed to be at the parent teacher meeting?"
"Oh, that shitty thing? hell no, joel already knows what a pain in his ass i am, he doesn't need to hear another ten people complain about it." waving her hand as she leaned against your dresses, glancing at the perfumes that drove her crazy whenever she passed you. "so... this is your bedroom."
she was stalling. "els?" she glanced up at the familliar nickname rolling from your lips. "what are you doing here?" she didn't respond and you fiddled with one of the stuffed animals that sat on your bench. "i don't think you should come back to the church, ellie?"
"why? because i'm gay?" as if it were an accusation, right at the fact that you too, somewhere deep inside you could admit, that you too shared the liking towards girls. and hey, you were the most popular church girl in all of your town. so why did sexuality have to define religion? short answer, it didn't, ellie knew you knew so too but she needed to know the truth, if her stares truly made you as nervous as yours made hers. she needed to know how you felt and what part she played in that.
you cocked your head to the side."no, ellie, because you're not there to 'get into heaven'." repeating her previous words back to her with a small scowl attached to your face. she wasn't there for god nor was she there for jesus. she was there for you. as much as you hated to admit it. it sounded absurd, something you never would have guessed. someone coming to church for you? it was surreal, even more so fact that she was a girl.
she tilted her head. "really? says who?" teasing. because that was just what ellie williams did best.
"ellie..." you trailed off, trying to find your words. the way her eyes raked up your body could only leave you standing silly. she knew the effect she had on you and she did it anyway, in fact, you were beginning to think that she did it because of the effect it had on you. "you don't believe in god." putting it in the most simple form you possibly could. not relating yourself. that alone was dangerous.
"no. but i believe in you." your eyes looked up. "if you're there. i'm there." your heart melted. you were on very dangerous ice ready to collapse at any second.
standing from the bench. "ellie—" she was quick to cut you off and for that you would be forever grateful.
"no." she shook her head. "i'm sorry, but we're not doing this again." she stepped closer, inching her way towards you. you could only breathe in, a sigh that you knew was coming, you knew this was coming.
and for the first time... you were ready. "okay." she inched impossibly closer. "but ellie..." you trailed off. "you have to know that if we start this— i- i won't be able to stop." god was going to punish you for this one.
"good." her hand was suddenly on your face, slowly tracing around your soft skin. "because i don't plan on stopping anytime soon, either." she leaned her face in closer, her breathe bore into your own, your head tilted up to meet hers.
this time, panic wasn't running through you, you had accepted your fate, the fact that you couldn't get away from ellie even if you tried because whether you liked it or not, you were so madly in love with your sisters best friend and that wasn't going to change, no matter how many times you sat at your bed on your knees, hands bound together and praying to god that he got rid of these feelings.
"y/n..." face so close you could feel her nose tip against yours.
you hummed, lips grazing.
" 'm gonna kiss you now." she mumbled.
"okay." you breathed.
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main masterlist/ellie's masterlist
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minustwofingers · 1 year
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exoplanet part 7
pairing: ellie williams x fem!reader (she/her pronouns used)
series masterlist (read parts 1-6 here!)
summary: you’ve won the life lottery as one of the few people on earth with parents who gained admittance to the most prestigous safezone in the world after the outbreak. but after a lab accident sends you out to jackson, wyoming, real life hits you fast. it’s a good thing that a hot lesbian finds u. (lol). mean ellie at first, slowburn, enemies to friends to lovers, fem reader asf
warnings: stuck up awful rich people. mentions of: abortion (sowwy ** i can't write kids), homophobia, throwing up, general awful elitism, heavy drinking, implied minor character death, and we talk about stuff like unethical labor practices/basically slave labor. depictions of: violence, guns.
a/n: hey yall....sorry for taking literal months to write this. and sorry in advance for what you're about to read, since this is admittedly a little far removed from tlou. and i'm also sorry if this isn't what you guys are expecting—i know i made you wait a long time for this, so it was tough for me to finally get around to posting because i didn't want to disappoint anyone. also it was just sooo sad writing the last scene because i just didn't want it to end!! anywayyyy enjoy
wc: 14.6k (i know...i know...)
tags: @intrnetdoll @dazedshoon @lovecaraya @pctcr @sariyaflowr @loser-keiji @prettyplant0 @666findgod @sawaagyapong @rystarkov @buzzybuzzsposts @addisonnie @galacticstxrdust @elliesbabygirl​ @pinkazelma @ariianelle @lu002 @blairfox04 @sparkleswonderland @elliesflower @muthafuckingstargirl @elliewilliamsissubermommyoml @eviestevie-14 @quicksilversg1rl @guacala @crtcrp @overtrred28 @sugarqueencosmos @iriswalrus @chiao1209 @lovecaraya @thatgiraffefromtlou @alwayslongingforyou @thelastofshimmer
May 16th, 2029
Welcome to AskAI! Enter your questions below and I'll try my best to answer :) 
How does Cordyceps spread?
Ophiocordyceps unilateralis is mostly commonly spread between humans by the medium of bodily fluids, though this was not always the case. In the early stages of the outbreak, most carriers were infected by the presence of Ophiocordyceps unilateralis spores in flour from a Jakartan mill. It is still unclear how the contamination occurred. 
Is saliva included in bodily fluids that carry Cordyceps?
Yes, Ophiocordyceps unilateralis can be spread through human saliva. Other bodily fluids include blood, feces, mucus, and semen.
So if someone were to kiss someone infected with Cordyceps, would that person be infected too?
Yes, because Ophiocordyceps unilateralis can be spread through human saliva. 
How long would it take before seeing symptoms?
If Ophiocordyceps unilateralis spores were to be introduced to an individual via mouth-to-mouth transmission, the approximate incubation window has been recorded to be no longer than 8 hours.
How long would it take to be detected by a standard testing device?
Our testers would detect the presence of Ophiocordyceps unilateralis within an hour after exposure. Note that this only refers to the conditions outside of Terranova. There has never been a detected case of Ophiocordyceps unilateralis in Terranova’s history. 
Thank you.
You’re welcome! Please leave feedback on the AskAI Feedback Form if you have any ideas as to how I can improve <3
One year later
“And there’s no way we can skip?” 
“You know the rules.”
Dina rolled her eyes and sighed as you two stood at the door of your parents’ penthouse, waiting to knock. “Maybe if you went and I said that I was sick or something.”
“They’d know you were lying.”
“They’d probably be happy if I missed dinner.” 
“I don’t know if happy is something they can be,” you said. You tried to make it light and joking, but it came out with the heaviness of truth. “Plus, they’re not exactly thrilled with me either.”
“Not exactly thrilled” was the understatement of the century. Ever since you’d come home with a pregnant outsider toting a gun and covered in dirt, your parents had convinced themselves that you’d somehow become corrupted over your time living outside. 
But Dina had it way worse. Your parents were so scandalized by her rugged ways and the fact that she’d gotten pregnant out of wedlock that they’d nearly fainted upon realizing you were advocating for her Terranovan citizenship. 
You both had had the good fortune of avoiding any further tense interactions with them for the last few months, but that morning you’d awoken to an email that contained an invitation to their home for dinner. It was noted that Dina had to attend.
So here you two were. Dressed in uncomfortable, stiff clothes and nervously twiddling your thumbs. 
“You’re going to be fine,” you promised Dina. It sounded like a lie. “I’ll do most of the talking, okay?”
“If you say so.” 
You rang the doorbell.
It took just a few moments before the door swung open.
“Hi Chris!” you greeted, plastering a smile on your face. 
Your family housekeeper smiled back with a neutral warmth. She looked slightly thinner than you remembered when you saw her last just a few months ago. “Hello. Miss Dina, please remember to keep your shoes on this time.” 
Dina flushed bright red. The last time she’d come over for dinner, she’d taken her shoes off and had been given a very stern lecture by your mother about how improper stockinged feet were for dinner. “Of course not, ma’am.” 
You sent her an apologetic look and stepped inside.
“Your parents are in the sitting room,” Chris told you as she took your coats. 
You thanked her.
“Why don’t they ever come up to greet us themselves?” Dina whispered to you. 
You shrugged. “No clue. They just never have. They probably don’t want to have to take a break from whatever stimulating conversation they’re having about the country club happenings.”
She snorted. All of a sudden, you were overwhelmed by a sense of gratitude for Dina and her spirit. After your family had essentially decided you were hopeless, family get-togethers had become torture. Dina was your lifeline.
As Chris had said, your parents were found lounging in the sitting room, your mother fanning herself with one hand and holding what looked to be a gin and tonic in the other, your father sitting across from her in a tastefully worn armchair. 
“Girls,” your mother greeted. Her eyes looked flinty and flat. “How good of you to come. I was worried you’d lost your way.”
It was a classic Y/L/N insult for latecomers, but it was barely a minute past 6:30. 
“The elevator wasn’t working,” you offered. “We had to take the stairs.”
“Hm. Well, come and sit. Petra can get you a drink.” 
A tall girl who couldn’t have been much younger than you was standing at the other end of the room next to the bar. She had bright ginger hair that stood out starkly against the neutral beige of her uniform and a small, squatty nose. You’d never seen her before in your life. 
“Is she new?” you asked.
“Who, Petra? Oh, I think so. It must’ve been…oh, I’m not sure. This March, I believe? What do you think, darling?”
“Around then.” The solid ice globe slid against the glass with a clink as your father answered, taking a long pull of his bourbon after. 
“It’s nice to meet you,” said Dina politely.
Your mother let out a labored sigh. “Dear, I’m very glad to see you working on manners, but there’s no need to engage with the help.”
Dina didn’t answer, instead sending you a meaningful look. 
“Well, not usually,” she continued. “Though it is appropriate to interact with them in matters that are considered strictly business. Take, for example, the fact that neither of you have managed to order a drink yet. Petra, come.”
You stared at your hands, folded tightly in your lap. If there was anything you hated more than your parents, it was how they treated the help. And, though you’d never say it out loud, you didn’t understand how two middle aged adults needed more than one full-time housekeeper on hand. Chris made sense. Petra was entirely unnecessary. 
“We really don’t need anything,” you said to Petra when she was in front of you, looking rather pale. “But thank you.” 
The tension in the air refused to dissipate, not even when you were relocated to the dining room and had the crutch of picking away at the three courses served to you. 
Dina, having been thoroughly scolded by your mother the last time she dined with her, was clinical in choosing which utensil to use for each course. 
Your mother babbled on and on about the country club and the book club. Your father occasionally butted in with a few dull, lifeless comments. There was something especially dead in his appearance, like he was running on zero sleep.
“You may be curious as to why I asked you two here today,” your mother said after the main course plates had been cleared. “First of all, I wanted to extend my congratulations to my daughter for graduating in just a few days.” 
“Thank you,” you said stiffly. 
“And more importantly—” 
You resisted the urge to roll your eyes.
“—I wanted to announce that your father will finally be retiring,” she said. “He’s been working so hard for the last few years. Isn’t this wonderful?”
“That’s really great, Father,” you said, feigning a smile to hide your confusion. You hadn’t known that your father had even worked, much less hard enough to warrant a formal retirement. 
“Thanks, dove,” he said.
“When’s your last day?” you pried, wondering if you could manage any more information out of him. 
“This Friday.”
“Hm.” So much for that. You exchanged glances with Dina as Petra reappeared with a tray of small goblets filled with colorful globes of sorbet. 
“You’ll both be expected to be in attendance at his retirement party,” Mother added. She was frowning deeper now. 
“Even me?” said Dina.
“Yes.” She smiled tightly. “And please note that they’re unaware that we helped you through your…little problem. I can’t imagine why that would ever come up in conversation, but I would really prefer it didn’t.”
“Uh huh,” responded Dina, her eyes wide. 
When Dina had arrived, your family had given her two options—have her child and give it up for adoption, or terminate the pregnancy then and there in secret. Refusing to comply would lead to your parents being entirely unwilling to sponsor her citizenship as it was far too unseemly to be an unmarried mother. Though it was clear your parents thought she was devastated by the prospect, she’d confided in you later that she hadn’t realized that that had been an option for her. She’d taken the second option without a second thought, telling you that she didn’t feel ready to be a mother. 
The unfortunate part of it all was that your parents held this over her head on occasion, using it as leverage to make Dina feel like she owed them. Hence why she never felt entirely comfortable with telling them off. 
That your parents had kept the abortion a secret was hardly a surprise. Abortion was one of those issues that no one liked to talk about. Though it wasn’t the hardest procedure to get, it was never publicly discussed. You’d never personally known of anyone who had gotten one before, but the clinic had been so full when you’d attended with Dina nearly a year ago that you were beginning to second guess that fact. 
“Anyway,” said your mother lightly, “Darling, have you heard anything from the Thompsons recently?” 
“Oh, no. I haven’t seen Richard in quite some time.”
“It’s funny you say that. Melanie was supposed to host the Garden Club party last week, and you’ll never believe what happened.”
“What, honey?” Your father stared dully at the tablecloth, entirely unengaged. 
“When I stopped by, the rest of the girls were already there,” your mother said. “Just sitting out in front of her building looking very confused. I walked right up and asked what was going on—you know, now that I’m co-president, I need to keep things in order—”
“Yes, honey.”
“—And Angie tells me that they’ve been ringing her for ten minutes and she hasn't answered. I decided to give her a call, and straight to voicemail. So we all sat out there until it started raining. We never even got an apology text.” 
“Oh,” said your father, looking a little more engaged. “Is that really?”
“Yes,” your mother said. The attention made her sit up straighter. “It absolutely was. It was incredibly inappropriate. I couldn’t believe it. And to think that she stole that hosting spot from me…”
“Do you know if she’s alright?” your father asked,
She shrugged. “I should hope not. That’s the only excuse she could have for what happened.”
“Hm.” Your father moved the melting sorbet around without clinking his spoon to the crystal. “It seems that quite a few of us have been dropping off the face of the Earth.”
“It must be because of the long winter,” you said diplomatically. “Too much darkness makes us all a little loony.”
Your mother raised a brow and hummed in assent. “I suppose so.”
“Is that why groceries are so expensive now?” you asked. It had become a new development. About 6 months after you and Dina had returned, the prices on the shelves had rocketed upwards.
“Something like that,” your father said vaguely. 
“What does that mean?”
“Y/N,” your mother warned.
“It’s alright, dear,” your father said, waving his hand. “It’s really nothing interesting. Supplying this city has always had its challenges. This year just happens to be especially hard.”
“What kind of challenges?” pried Dina.
“Shipments are always difficult to orchestrate,” he said. “As is quality control. It’s nothing that we haven’t seen before. Prices will go back to usual within a few months. The pendulum always has to swing back.”
It was a saying he always used—the pendulum analogy.
Dessert wrapped up quickly. Your mother gave you the official date for your father’s retirement party and ironed out your graduation details, and before you knew it you and Dina were off into the night. 
“Thank fucking god that’s over,” said Dina as you two trotted down the street to the metro. 
“Tell me about it.” You zipped up your jacket to ward off the slight chill in the evening air. “I’m really sorry you had to deal with all of that. I appreciate you coming with me. I know they’re awful to you.”
“Well, they’ll be worse if I don’t go,” she responded, her eyes cloudy for a second. She was right. One misstep and they could have her citizenship and their financial sponsorship rescinded. 
“True,” you conceded. 
The metro was bustling with people as you and Dina hopped on to the yellow line that would take you to the university residences. It was modeled right after the Parisian metros, with its Art Nouveau signs and themed stops.  There was only standing room, so you two clutched onto the stainless steel poles in the middle. 
The doors made a groaning sound and a speaker crackled as the announcer came on.
“Doors closing. Please stand clear of the exits. This is an express train with service to University Park. Other stops include 25th Street and North Village. There will be no evening service to Rotingham.” 
You and Dina seemed to come to an unspoken agreement to remain silent and process the hell that had been dinner with your parents as the train lurched forward into motion. You closed your eyes and would’ve rested your head against the handrail had it not been so gross. 
The only fortunate thing about your parents was the fact that they were incredibly easy to get to, despite living on the other side of the city from the university. What would’ve normally taken 40 minutes with transfers was cut down to 15 with the use of an express train that ran right from the station outside of your apartment. 
You had resolved to just sit in silence when the train came to a screeching halt. 
Your eyes shot open, meeting Dina’s confused gaze. 
The lights above flickered, then sputtered out to leave you in darkness. 
There was a hushed silence amongst everyone in your train car. 
“What’s going on?” Dina whispered to you. 
“This happens sometimes,” you said quietly back, but it was sort of a lie. It wasn’t entirely uncommon for the lights to go out, but you’d never had it happen in tandem with a train stopping on the tracks before reaching a station. And especially not an express train…
The lights flickered on again, and there was a shared sense of relief as a few of the train’s occupants let out a shaky laugh. 
“Thought we were going to have to walk!” said a ruddy looking old man sitting across from you. The car responded with polite chuckles. 
“Apologies for the delay,” came a voice over the loudspeaker—a human voice, not an automated one. “There was a disturbance on the tracks that had to be dealt with. We apologize for any inconvenience this may have caused. Service will continue as usual.”
The train lurched back into movement, the dark walls of the tunnel moving past in a blur.
“That was weird,” Dina remarked once you two had gotten to your stop and were walking up to ground level.
“Yeah,” you said, frowning. “I didn’t want to tell you then because I didn’t want to freak you out, but normally express trains never stop, especially not at this time of night with less trains in service.”
“What qualifies as a disturbance on the tracks?”
“I have no clue,” you confessed. The sun was hovering just barely over the horizon, its last rays of light reflecting aggressively off of the skyscrapers in the distance from which you came. “Someone probably dropped something big like a suitcase onto the tracks and blocked the way. It happens.” 
You were purposefully avoiding the elephant in the room—that it had probably been a person on the tracks. It wasn’t especially common—not nearly as common as you heard it was in places like New York before the outbreak—but it happened on occasion. Terranova wasn’t the best place for everyone.
“The Thompsons are Simon’s family, right?” Dina asked you. She had to raise her voice to be heard over the cheerful chatter of fellow university students socializing and drinking on the green next to the sidewalk.
“Yeah,” you said. You and Dina had occasionally hung out with Simon since returning. You noticed that Simon had really taken a liking to Dina, but neglected to mention it since his parents were actively attempting to arrange a marriage between him and some girl in the Art History program at your school. “Have you talked to him at all? I haven’t heard from him for a week or so.”
“Me neither.” Dina tightened the dark braid that fell over her shoulder as she walked, looking rather troubled. “I didn’t realize his parents were missing.”
“They’re probably fine,” you said. “I seriously wouldn’t worry about it. There’s nothing here that could hurt them.”
“You’re right,” she said. “I just forget that there’s no infected here sometimes. Like, tonight, I thought I was gonna have to start swinging on someone in the train when the power cut.” 
“God, same.” You shivered. “It’s weird to know that we don’t have to worry about that anymore. But I think it’ll get easier with time.”
“Yeah,” said Dina, but she didn’t sound convinced. “Well, I’m going to text Simon and see if he’s alright. Or maybe call him. I’m sure he’ll know what happened.” 
“Let me know what he says.” You’d ascended the steps up to your shared apartment and were slotting the key into the keyhole. “By the way, did I ever formally invite you to my graduation?”
“Not that I recall.” Dina followed you in and kicked her shoes off.
“Well, consider this your formal invitation,” you said, turning to grin at her. “It’s this Saturday. Be there or be square.”
“Will there be free food?”
“And anything you want to drink,” you told her, though you weren’t entirely sure of that fact. You’d only ever been to one graduation in your life, and that had been years before it was socially acceptable for you to drink anything beyond the odd glass of watered down wine—but you recalled a memory of particularly free-flowing champagne flutes being passed around. 
“Consider me sold.” 
~
You had to be going crazy. There was no way. 
You entered the numbers back into the graphing software again. Then again. Then one more time, just to be sure you were seeing what you were seeing. 
“Everything going alright over there?” asked old Professor Gunther, looking up from his grading and his steaming cup of tea. 
“Um—” You blinked, hard, then looked back down at your calculations. “Professor, can you look at these for me? I think I must’ve made a mistake.”
“Of course, my dear.” He graciously accepted the notepad full of barely legible numbers that you came up to hand to him and adjusted the glasses on his face so he could squint more efficiently. “And what is this exactly?”
“I’ve been parsing through the data on that star—that K star you’d been watching for a while—and, um, I’ve noticed something.” Your voice shook nearly as much as your hand as you pointed to the scribbled numbers. “Can you, uh, graph these? And put them into a different program than StarBlast? And look at the spectra? It’s giving me what I think is—actually, I don’t know. You do it and I’ll show you what I got.” 
“I’m confused about what you could have possibly done wrong,” he said, though he was already opening his own laptop and starting up a different program that you hadn’t used before because of how much you hated the GUI. “Did you try to parse it by hand to check?”
“Yes,” you said. “Horrible idea. Took me forever.” 
“And you got the same result?”
“Yeah.”
“Hm.” He took off his glasses to wipe them off, then began typing in the data you’d emailed to him earlier for bookkeeping purposes. “Let me see what I have.” 
The agonizing few minutes it took for him to enter him already had your mind spiraling with possibilities as the implications sunk in. If you were right—if this was right—everything was going to change in your field. 
The spectra graph roared to life.
“Jesus Christ,” you heard your professor say. “Is this—”
“I think so,” you said. “I think so.”
What you two were looking at held more than one piece of crucial information. The first was nothing but basic calculations of a Doppler Shift that detected that there was a planet. Your calculations estimated its size at roughly the same as the Earth, with a similar orbital period and distance from its star that placed it in the habitable zone.
That wasn’t anything earth-shattering. There were plenty of Earth-sized planets in the habitable zone, implying that if the conditions were right, there was an environment conducive to organic life. 
What was, however, were the spectra emissions that you were staring at, slack-jawed and skin prickling. 
“Methane,” you whispered. “And oxygen. And phosphine.” 
And not just a little—enough that it suggested biological processes that could only occur with the presence of life.
“I think you should finish writing this report,” Professor Gunther finally said. 
You froze. “What?” 
He turned to you, his glasses sliding down his bulbous nose and a kind smile on his face. “I’ve made enough discoveries in my life. This one is yours to claim.” 
You were overcome with so much gratitude that you launched yourself at him, throwing your arms around his neck and hugging him tightly.
Gunther good-naturedly patted your back with the enthusiasm of a grandfather being pestered by his grandchildren. “This is your moment. Take it.” 
“Thank you,” you said, pulling back with tears welling up in your eyes. “Thank you, thank you, thank you.” 
He smiled again. “It’s truly my pleasure. I feel lucky to have had a student like you.” 
“If you don’t stop, I’m going to start crying.”
“We can’t have that,” he said, standing up and handing you back your sheet of calculations. “You have work to do.”
You settled back into your work across from him, nearly buzzing with excitement as you finished typing up your findings. It would be a long process for the study to actually be published—long, painful, and undoubtedly draining—but it would be so worth it. You’d be the one who discovered a planet that (most likely) harbored life. For the first time in history. 
Though you wouldn’t be publishing a paper any time soon, you still had to log the planet into the “global” (not exactly global given that there was no other place on Earth with the same technology as Terranova) database. And with that meant giving it a name.
In that moment, it was like time froze as the cursor blinked in the box. There was nothing but the blood rushing in your head, the dull hum of the fluorescent lights above, and the slight stickiness of the leather desk chair beneath you. 
You gulped. It was standard in the department to name planets after the astronomer that discovered them. You’d never had a planet named after you before. You’d only ever crunched numbers that Gunther had given to you to analyze spectra emissions. This was the first time you’d ever actually discovered something that hadn’t already been logged before it had landed on your desk.
And yet…
You closed your eyes. Suddenly you were back in the meadow at Jackson, tracing the wisps of the Milky Way with your finger as you and Ellie talked about the constellations. You saw the childish excitement on her normally stern features when she held the moon rock for the first time. You saw the wonder in her eyes when you told her a new space fact that she’d never heard before. That she’d never had the opportunity to learn before. 
Your fingers moved before you could stop them, quickly tapping out the name “Ellie” into the box and hitting the enter button. 
For the rest of the day, you regretted it. You tried not to think of her anymore. It was something that you’d promised yourself you wouldn’t do after you spent the entirety of last summer miserable and doing nothing but turning over the memories in your mind until Dina made you do something with her. 
It was difficult. You wanted to put it in the past, because you couldn’t think about her without thinking about how she probably wasn’t even alive anymore. Which didn’t make any sense. Nothing ever made any sense about Ellie. Even before you predicted she’d been bitten, she’d already been behaving erratically—not packing her things, not saying a real goodbye to Joel, catching more food than their small group of three could possibly need near the end. It was like she knew that she wouldn’t be able to go.
Which didn’t make any sense, because why go all that way knowing that it was for nothing?
Which made you think about how bizarre she was before leaving. How sad she seemed when she told you that she was going, like even then she knew that it wouldn’t happen. 
And you hadn’t gotten sick from her, even though you should have. She’d kissed you long after she would’ve been bitten. And you knew from your frantic research upon arriving that you should have tested positive when Simon checked. 
So why hadn’t you? And why had she?
It was things like this that could keep you up for days if you weren’t careful. It was awful, but sometimes you liked to believe that she had really been sick and had died shortly after. You had a vision of her killing herself before fully turning, and even though it hurt to imagine it, it was the most humane end of them all. If she was dead, then maybe there was an afterlife, and maybe a piece of her was watching over you. Maybe she was still with you. Maybe she finally was able to rest. 
You hoped that little piece of her had seen her name the first planet with life after her.
A tiny smile crept across your face, but inside you felt devastated. You were going to mourn her again all day, like you always did when something reminded you of her. And you were probably going to dream of her, of her stupid grin and the way her hair felt when it tickled your face. 
Pull it together you thought glumly. You had to be normal for your father’s retirement party that night, and you had just under 4 hours to do so. 
~
“Ugh,” you said, staring at your phone as you stood with Dina near the door, both of you dolled up and ready to go to the party.
“That’s how I feel too,” said Dina. “I’m going to kill myself if anyone brings up anything about how hard my childhood must’ve been and how I’m doing such a good job adjusting one more time.”
“Ha,” you said. “Mom just texted me to tell me that we need to stop by theirs first.”
“Why? Aren’t they already at the venue?”
“Yeah,” you responded, wrinkling your nose. “But apparently she forgot her gift for him—some vintage Rolex she got restored for him.”
“A vintage what?”
“Stupidly overpriced wristwatch,” you explained. 
It took less time than usual to get to their building. Despite it being at peak busy hour, the platforms seemed eerily empty.
“Is there some holiday going on?” Dina asked, sitting across from you so that you both had your own row of seats. 
“Oh, I’m such an idiot,” you said, clapping your forehead with your hand. “Of course there is. That’s why my father held his retirement party today. It’s the first day of this festival that goes all week.”
“What’s it for?”
“I honestly don’t know the background,” you admitted. “Most people just use it as an excuse to get incredibly drunk. I think it has something to do with the founding. It’s, like, the only time that public intoxication is okay.” 
“Damn,” said Dina thoughtfully. 
“The trains will probably fill up on our way back,” you said, sighing. “Hopefully it won’t be too bad. Worst comes to worst we can walk.”
“It gets that bad?” 
“There’s hardly standing room,” you said, recalling the last festival you’d been around for—the summer before you’d been catapulted to Jackson. “And it just reeks of drunk people. And you have to be really careful, because I hear the custodial staff has to work overtime to clean up all the vomit.” 
“Gross,” said Dina. “And here I was thinking that it was just all being proper and mannerly.”
“Everyone has their limits,” you said lightly.
The penthouse felt just as oppressive as when you came for dinners, like you were walking into the lair of a dragon who was coming back at any moment. Chris was gone—likely participating in the festival herself—but you were surprised to see the figure of Petra bent in a corner as you entered, dusting the top shelf of their bookcase.
You and Dina politely greeted her before ascending the steps to your father’s office.
“Why did your Mom put it in here?” Dina asked as you began shuffling through papers to find the box that your mother had described over text.
“My father doesn’t work in here all too often,” you said, opening a few drawers and seeing no trace of the green and gold box. “He just uses it to file away things.” 
“What does he do?” 
“I actually have no clue,” you confessed. “He doesn’t talk about it, and I don’t ask.” 
“Do you want to see if we can find out?” Dina asked with a conspiratorial raise of her eyebrow as she motioned towards the filing cabinets. “Just a quick look. They’ll never know that we were here.”
You took a moment to consider. If Chris had answered the door to let you two in, you would’ve told her that you couldn’t, because she would definitely snitch if she knew. But she was nowhere to be seen, and Petra looked like she was busy enough downstairs. 
“Sure. Why not.” 
The first few cabinets held nothing interesting—just spending reports and copies of contracts that were written in legalese. 
“It looks like he works with whoever supplies this place,” remarked Dina as you two skimmed the papers and saw records of contacts all over the continent, from the old continental US and South America, each detailing something boring about shipping dates and inventory. 
But then came the third cabinet, with papers dated back before you were born with what looked like sketches of barren looking buildings and hand-scrawled notes. 
“What are these?” you breathed, laying them out on the ground. 
“I think…” Dina squinted. “I think that these might be manufacturing plants?” 
“Oh?” You dug further around in the cabinet to see if you could find any further illuminating evidence. 
“Yeah,” said Dina, staring as she began to flip through the pages already on the floor. “Holy shit, dude. This is…sort of messed up. Look at how small these living quarters are.”
You peered over her shoulder to see the architectural sketches of what looked to be more of what you imagined a prison to be. There were long bunks stacked on top of each other in what looked to be a never ending line, the mattresses barely even large enough to be considered twins. 
Someone cleared their throat behind you, and you nearly leapt.
“I hope I’m not interrupting,” said Petra. Her voice was low and raspy. You noted that it was the first time she’d ever spoken.
“Oh, uh—” You began to frantically gather the papers, hoping she hadn’t seen. Would she tell your parents? “Sorry if we disturbed your work. My parents, uh, they asked us to get something from—”
“It’s fine,” she interrupted, holding up a hand. “I won’t say anything.”
“Thank you.” You stared up at her steely green eyes, wondering what had compelled her to approach you and Dina. “Um, is there anything we can do to help you?”
“Don’t drink the bourbon,” she said, so quickly that it seemed to fluster her. 
“What? Why?”
“Just don’t do it,” she said again. “Better yet, don’t drink anything except for the water.”  
“I’m sorry,” you said, feeling genuinely apologetic. “I’m not sure if I understand.”
Something crossed over Dina’s face, and suddenly something in her seemed to shift. Her features paled. She knew something you didn’t.
“I came from one of those places,” Petra said, motioning to the diagrams that you were staring at. “They’re not—they’re not somewhere you want to be. We all try our best to come here. That’s what they tell us, you know. Do well enough and you’ll get sent to where everyone gets to live a life of grandeur and luxury. But they barely send anyone, and when they do, they get shitty positions like this.” 
Your breath caught in your throat as your understanding slowly grew. Of course. How had you been so stupid to think that wealthy people were ever going to have any of their kind work any real job? 
“You two were the ones who came from outside, right?” Petra continued. When you two nodded, she crouched next to you. “And you were wondering what was going on with the prices?”
You nodded again, awestruck.
“Your Dad’s little spiel on it being about bad weather is bullshit,” she said, her words hard. “People are getting tired of this. They’re realizing they’re never getting out. You know what it’s like out there—it’s scary. It’s tiring. So many people get sick, so many die. So when people finally caught onto the fact that the work they’re doing is nothing but dressed up slavery and that their chances of getting out are basically zero, they start doing things to mess with the system.”
“Like contaminating the products?” Even as she said it, it seemed like Dina already knew the answer. 
Petra just gave you two a long look. 
“So that’s what he meant by quality control,” you said, the realization hitting you. 
“Among other things.” 
“How long do you think we have?” asked Dina.
“Not very long at all.” 
“You guys can’t be serious,” you said, nervous laughter catching in your chest. “Do you seriously mean that Terranova isn’t going to be around for much longer? Is that what you’re saying?”
Petra shrugged and stood up. “Believe whatever you want. But from where I stand, it looks like there’s only two possible ways out of this situation. That is, unless you guys all become farmers.”
“I don’t think I’m following,” you said.
“Two options,” Petra said, sighing heavily. “Either we starve or we don’t. And the latter means taking a really big fucking chance on what we bring in.”
“But the system has worked for so long,” you said, more to yourself than anyone else. 
“Too long,” she amended. “It was never sustainable. Maybe if you people had been okay with just eating native plants and wildlife. Maybe if you people were okay with changing your way of life. But no, you just had to have your fucking oranges from Florida and your coffee from South America.” 
“Don’t lump me into this,” said Dina. “I just got here.” 
Petra laughed, but it was a hard and sharp sound. “Well, chances are you won’t be here for long.”
“Hang on,” you said. “We’re still doing quality control inspections. The most likely scenario is that we’re going to have to cut down on imports—not that we’re about to go up in flames any minute.”
“I hope you’re right about that,” she said in that voice that told you that she thought that you definitely weren’t and didn’t see the point in arguing further. “Anyways, I’ve got to finish working so I can get home before dark. Be careful, okay?” 
“You too,” you said. “And thanks for…not saying anything.”
It was a bit presumptuous considering that Petra hadn’t really given you any good reason beyond her word that she wouldn’t mention you lurking in your father’s cabinets, so you and Dina were thorough in carefully placing each file back into the correct place, just in case. 
“Do you really think what she said is true?” you asked once you and Dina had located the watch and were on the metro once again.
Dina shrugged. “I mean, it makes sense.”
“Does it?”
“Look,” said Dina. “I know that this might be hard for you to hear, but I’m pretty sure this place lives off of what’s basically slave labor. If there’s any humanity left in the world, I would like to think that Terranova would eventually fall.” 
You swallowed hard, then blinked. For a moment you thought you were going to throw up. “I never knew. I didn’t realize.”
“Of course you didn’t.” Dina’s voice was surprisingly patient. “You were a kid. But you’re not anymore, so it’s time to grow up and face the music.”
“I don’t know what to do.”
“I don’t either.” 
The two of you fell into a silence as the train sped past empty platforms bathed in shadows and you thought and thought and thought. 
There was just too much happening today. First Gunther’s lab, then Ellie, now your entire worldview toppling. 
As the train windows continued to blur the background of the tunnels and empty stations, your mind spun with reflections of your childhood—of you enjoying simple luxuries that you didn’t realize came at the expense of others. That you didn’t even think to ask about. You’d mindlessly trudged along, eating your exotic fruits and drinking your expensive tea and wearing clothes built from indulgent fabrics just because you could. Even when Dina had asked where the oranges came from all the way back in Jackson, you hadn’t let yourself wonder. You hadn’t let yourself consider the possibility that it was anything less than the sanitized fairyland that you’d been brought up in—perhaps because you knew all along. 
And that made it even worse.
Dina seemed to understand, sending you a few glances without prodding. 
“Do you think we need to leave?” you asked, your voice just barely a whisper.
“Us leaving isn’t going to do anything,” Dina said, like she’d been expecting it. “And how would we even do that? It’s not like we can just charter a helicopter again to drop us off back in Jackson.” 
Something twisted inside of you. “Oh, God. You’re right. We couldn’t even leave if we tried.”
And you might have to try, a sinister voice inside you whispered. What if Petra was right about the contaminated products? What if they missed something when checking imports?
You’d never been taught how quickly the fungus spread in the original outbreak, and you knew little about the normal amount of time it would take any sort of disease to infect the entire population. But you did know how densely populated everything was. How reliant everything was on a few strictly maintained channels, like public transportation. 
It wouldn’t be hard for it to all come crashing down, really. It would just take the right place at the right time and—
“Don’t freak out, Y/N.” Dina laid a hand on your shoulder. “We’ll figure something out if it comes to that.” 
You smiled at her, grateful that you didn’t even have to put your words into thoughts. “But if we can’t leave, what do we do? It’s not like we can just sit by and do nothing.”
Dina pulled her bottom lip under her teeth, worrying it before answering. “I don’t really think that we have a choice. Right now, at least. I don’t know if there’s anything that just the two of us can do.”
“I’ll find more,” you said. “I’ll talk to my professors—my friends at university—Simon—”
“Do you think that we’re the only two that know about this?” asked Dina. “Because I really don’t. Maybe your friends don’t. But anyone in the military and anyone who was around when this was founded has got to know. They just don’t care enough.”
Something slowly iced over inside of you as the implications sunk in. 
Gunther had probably known. No, scratch that—he definitely did. He was an academic who had been in his 30s when the world fell apart. Any adult would have asked the same questions that Dina had upon arrival. 
“We’ll figure something out, I’m sure,” said Dina firmly. “Okay? Don’t worry.” 
“Speaking of Simon,” you said, narrowing your eyes, “Did you ever get in touch with him? Is his family okay?” 
“Oh, yeah.” said Dina. “He texted me back a bit ago. Said something about how he was just busy and that his family had been camping up in the mountains.” 
You two faded into silence. 
The retirement party came and went without much trouble. On the outside, at least. You were a mental wreck, barely able to keep it together as near strangers came up to you and expressed how much bigger you were since they’d seen you a decade and a half ago. 
You noted with muted suspicion that Simon’s parents were nowhere to be seen amongst the crowd, not even by the lavishly decorated bar. 
~
That night, you did dream of Ellie. It wasn’t the usual. Ellie wasn’t turning in front of you or bleeding or crying out in pain with a bite mark on her arm. She wasn’t yelling at you for failing her and letting her get bitten without even noticing. No; instead, she lay beside you in your meadow spot and talked to you.
And somehow that was so much worse.
“I named a planet after you,” you said, feeling hot tears pool at the seams of your eyes that you squeezed together to avoid sobbing. You knew you were dreaming. You always knew you were dreaming—seeing Ellie always seemed to prompt a degree of lucidity that was otherwise missing in your sleep. 
“That’s really fucking sappy of you.”
“I miss you.” It came out like a compulsion, like you couldn’t stop it. “Are you here? Are you with me?”
“Y/N,” Ellie said, turning to look at you. The darkness made it difficult to see her whole face, but you could see the look of pity on her features in the gray-blue of the moonlight. “Of course I’m not here. Don’t be stupid. I’m dead.”
“Sometimes I wonder if you’re not. Like, if something happened.”
“Something did happen. I died.” 
“Fuck you.”
She smiled sadly, and for a moment you thought her eyes looked more reflective than usual. “It’s not very helpful to think that way. And what can I tell you? I’m not even real.”
“I’d like you to try,” you whispered.
“Fine.” She sat up, pulling her legs into a lazy tangle as she looked at you. “What did you seriously expect, dude? You were never going to stay. I wasn’t going to go. If I hadn’t been bitten, I’m sure I would’ve orchestrated some way to get out of it. My family is back in Jackson. I liked you just fine, but you’re not my family. That shit’s deeper. Different.” 
You opened your mouth, then closed it, then opened it again. The sharp pain in your chest faded into a cold sense of familiarity. Then, because she wasn’t real and there was no reason to feel embarrassed about bearing your emotions: 
“You feel more like family than anyone here.” 
“Then that sounds like a you problem,” said Ellie, flatly. “I’m not gonna let you guilt trip me like this. Boo fucking hoo, you grew up richer than everyone else on Earth and had to deal with strict parents. Do you realize what actual, real problems are? What about the people who make your lifestyle possible, huh? What about them?”
“I didn’t know.”
“Then you’re fucking stupid.” 
The tears were streaming freely down your face now. “I would do anything to be back with you. I wanted to stay. I miss you so much. I don’t know what to do with myself without you.”
“And I’m sorry you have to deal with that.” 
“Will you just say that you miss me too? You don’t have to mean it. I just want—I just want to hear it.” 
“I can’t miss you. I’m not around anymore.” 
Ellie watched as you curled in on yourself and sobbed so hard you thought you were going to be sick. 
“You’re so weak,” she said after a few minutes. There was no venom in her tone. It was as if she was merely relaying something as inconsequential as the weather to you. “All you do is expect other people to care for you.” 
Not real. Not real. Not real you repeated to yourself in your mind with growing franticness. 
She wasn’t real. None of this was real. Ellie was never that affectionate with you, but this was another level. This was something personal. 
“You said that being weak isn’t bad.”
“And you said that you were going to make sure I was going to get to Terranova.”
 “And it’s not my fault that you decided to go gallivanting alone in the woods.”
“You could’ve tried harder.”
“I did as much as I could.”
“Sure you did.” 
You bolted awake. The hair at the nape of your neck was wet with the slick of sweat. For a moment, you let yourself catch your breath, reorient yourself in your surroundings. 
Your room. You were in your dorm room, with your space posters and your books. Ellie hadn’t been here. She hadn’t said that. You were okay.
A blaring noise jarred you as you realized that your alarm had made you wake up. Your alarm, because it was graduation day and you needed to be ready for a full day of festivities. 
“Fuck,” you muttered, scrubbing your face with you hands. The last thing you wanted to do after this was have to see your parents and pretend like you like them for appearances. 
She's gone. She's gone. She's gone you repeated in your head like a mantra. It was over. You shouldn’t have named that stupid planet after her, because she was gone and she always would be.
It would only be a matter of time until your parents would start asking you about your dating life, you realized as you brushed your teeth over the shiny white basin of your sink, the minty bubbles making your lips tingle. They’d been willing to entertain your reasoning of wanting to focus on your studies while you were at university, but you knew they’d been looking for prospective engagements behind your back.
It took you longer than usual to get ready, your mind wandering as you lingered in different corners of your apartment. You kept the lights off, opting to let the cool, gray daylight from the gloomy clouds wash the surfaces of your room. 
“Hey,” said Dina, appearing from her own room and leaning against the doorframe. 
“Good morning,” you greeted blandly, your attention on the necklace that just wouldn’t clasp around your neck.
“Looking spiffy,” she said. “By the way, did Simon say anything to you?” 
“No.” You paused and turned to her, a frown on her face. As far as you were concerned, you really had no reason to be in contact with Simon beyond the general pleasantries. 
“He just called me,” said Dina. “He seemed—I dunno. Like, weirdly frantic. He was saying that we need to stop by his.” 
“His” was inconveniently on the opposite side of the city, even further past your parents’ place. 
“Why? Pretty far for a short jaunt.” 
“He was really insistent,” pressed Dina. Her long black curls were unruly, her skin sallow in a way you hadn’t seen in a while. She hadn’t been sleeping as well recently, it seemed, just like you since you’d spoken to Petra. “Maybe we should just stop by.” 
“Did he say anything about why?”
“I tried to ask,” said Dina, frowning. “But the call dropped.”
“I hate how horrible service is in your room,” you said. 
“Me too. Anyway, are we gonna see him?” 
You shrugged. “I guess. We have some time. I’ll text him too just to see what’s going on.” 
Dina was ready in just a few minutes, pulling a light blue sweatshirt over her shirt and stepping into her shoes. 
“You look soooo cute,” she said, pinching your cheeks. “My little grad.”
You rolled your eyes, but the size of your smile ruined it. 
For once in your life, you noticed that the university green outside of your apartment was suspiciously empty. 
“Quiet,” Dina noted as you made your way to the metro. “It’s eerie.” 
“People were probably partying all night,” you said. “Celebrating graduation and whatnot. I imagine everyone’s sleeping off a hangover instead of having to get up at the crack of dawn to voyage across the city.”
Dina held up her hands. “Gee. Sorry.” 
The train was a little more populated. Some older Terranovans had newspapers cracked as they licked their fingers to turn the page. The silent hum of the train lulled you into another soliloquy as the tunnel plunged you into darkness.
You had to stop thinking about Ellie. You needed to move on, as awful as it was. You’d named a planet after her. She’d be forever remembered in the stars, and that should be enough. You didn’t need to keep dragging her memory behind you like a corpse, because she was dead and she was never coming back and she was—
On the platform?
Your mouth dropped as the doors of the train slowly rolled open to reveal a short girl with shoulder length auburn hair slowly ambling towards the platform. She was wearing a pale green short sleeve that had some sort of edgy spatter pattern on it—something that was very Ellie-esque. But something wasn’t…
It took you one breath to notice that neither of her bare arms had any tattoos. It took you another to see that what you had initially assumed to be a pattern was actually blood-soaked fabric formed from red rivelets that trickled from a wound on her neck.
“Holy fuck,” you whispered, grabbing Dina’s hand. “Do you see—”
“Everybody run!” Dina screamed, leaping up from the train seat and dragging you with her as she bolted off the train and to the opposite exit. 
The girl wailed and barrelled towards the train car, her eyes locking onto the nervous movement of the passengers. You froze. It was slowly becoming obvious that this wasn’t Ellie, from the slightly different set of her eyes to the unfamiliar button nose. But it was hard to not feel anything but sympathy for the monster before you. She was just a girl, probably younger than you. 
“Fucking go, Y/N,” Dina snapped, yanking you harder and onto the platform just as Not-Ellie leapt onto one of the newspaper readers. “It’s not her.” 
She didn’t need to tell you twice. In seconds you two had sprinted to the mouth of the stairs, feet pummeling against the pavement as the sounds of the carnage unfolding behind you followed. 
You ran. You didn’t stop running, not even when the screams faded and you and Dina were blocks and blocks away, hidden in an alley. Not even when your lungs were so empty and sore that they felt like they were breaths away from breaking, not even when you were sure there was nothing left inside you.
Dina kept your pace, blindly following your lead as you darted in between streets and side alleys until you reached your parents’ apartment. 
“Do you think there’s more?” you managed to whisper through heaving voices once you stood on the steps. 
You and Dina hadn’t ran into anyone after the metro, undead or alive. 
“Not here,” hissed Dina. “Inside first. Then we evaluate after we’re safer.” 
For a moment, the phantom dread from your normal life spilled over and you were afraid of facing your parents. It was almost laughable—there were deranged infected hosts looking to eat your flesh roaming the streets, and you were worried about seeing your parents. 
“I’d almost prefer out here, too,” said Dina, looking as if she’d read your mind. 
The apartment complex was also empty and eerily quiet as you two ascended the steps. Dina had insisted that you took the stairs, pointing out that the elevator was far too risky. 
“It might get stuck,” she’d whispered as she’d pulled you away from pressing the button. “Also—unnecessary noise.” 
You nodded wordlessly, following her up the steps until you reached the top floor.
Still no one to be seen.
The spare key was still hidden under the flower pot, and the penthouse door swung open easily. You and Dina locked it behind you before dragging a small bookcase in front of it, piling on books until no one could physically break through. 
“Sweep the apartment,” Dina said lowly, reaching over to grab the fireplace poker that was in the entryway. “Behind me until you get a weapon.” 
For a few tense moments, you cowered behind Dina as she navigated you both into the dark, empty kitchen. Every breath that left your lips was shaky and uneven. Your fingers trembled around the handle of the butcher’s knife that you’d retrieved from the block. 
Nothing was on the first floor. 
Nothing on the second floor, either. There was no sign of your parents anywhere. By all accounts, it seemed that they’d just up and left for coffee. Which is probably what they’d done, given that your father had just retired and had nothing better to do. 
“Fucking thank god,” you’d cried out once you’d swept the last room, collapsing onto the sitting room sofa. “Jesus Christ, Dina. What the fuck. I can’t believe I just—”
The words petered out as the adrenaline rush that had been keeping you at least someone composed dissipated, leaving you a shaking and inconsolable mess. 
“We’re so lucky that we got out in time,” said Dina, her eyes blurry and unfocused.
You took a break from your crying to look at her. “What?”
“The doors close automatically,” she said flatly. “No motion sensor. If that girl had shown up any later—if we hadn’t noticed her in time—”
“We would’ve been stuck on the train with her,” you said, cold realization trickling into you. “Oh my god. That probably happened to the people on the train who weren’t quick enough.”
“Or didn’t know any better,” Dina added. “Didn’t you say that no one here really understands what the infection is? That it makes people hosts?” 
Your heart dropped. “We’re so fucked. We need to get out.” 
“Have a plane anywhere?”
“Oh, god, Simon,” you wailed. “He was probably—he must’ve known—his parents must have—”
“Let’s not dwell,” said Dina firmly, brushing her hands off on her pants. “Okay. Let’s take inventory of the situation. That girl likely wasn’t patient zero. Wherever she came from was around…8th street?” 
You nodded.
“Right. 8th street, which is where the majority of non-student residential living spaces are. Chances are that if it wasn’t already, it’s all over that area. We came south, which is away from the most densely populated area and probably why we haven’t seen anyone else. We’re up high with what seems to be currently running water, no current activity in the building, and plenty of both perishable and nonperishable food. 
“But this isn’t permanent. The power grid is going to fail soon, and plumbing is likely going to go next. And if we somehow make it long enough, any infected in the building are going to turn into clickers, and they’ll stop at nothing to get in. Our window is limited. If we wait to get out, they’re going to get stronger and grow in numbers. We need to play this right.”
“So what you’re saying is that if there’s any possible chance of escape,” you said, feeling the blood drain from your face, “That we need to take it.”
Dina nodded, her face hard. 
“How long do you think we have until we have to make that choice?” 
She winced. “Probably 2 hours ago. There’s likely enough infected scattered around the city after the metro incident that it’s all over now.”
Your stomach dropped. 
“But that doesn’t mean we shouldn’t try,” said Dina. “It’s only going to get worse the longer we wait. So if that big fancy scientist brain of yours has any genius plans of how to get us out, please hurry it up and say so.” 
“Well,” you said, your mouth dry as you brainstormed aloud, “We are at the southern tip of the city. We’re probably not all that far from the border. The problem would be getting across—and, of course, getting there in the first place. It’s designed to be deceptive so that raiders can’t find it.” 
“We’re not going to cross the border,” said Dina. “We’re never getting across on foot unless it’s been destroyed. Simon told me about how it works. There’s quite literally zero chance unless we start tunneling underground.” 
“So no crossing on foot,” you said weakly. “Noted. Well. Uh. Can you fly a plane?”
“Depends. Do you have one?” 
You buried your face in your hands. 
“Come on, Y/N. Think. There has to be another option.” 
Another option. Another option. Think, think, think…
Scientist brain. Science. 
Like your degree. Like the lab you’d been working in last year. Like the ill-fated experiment that you’d scrapped after the university cut funding for it after your accident.
Like the time that you’d actually succeeded in inventing teleportation, even if it was accidental.
Like the contraption that was likely gathering dust in an unlocked lab room just a few blocks away. 
“Dina,” you said, “I’ve got it. But I need you to get me to Gunther’s lab.” 
The only good thing about today was the fact that Gunther’s lab, which was normally an inconvenient train ride away from your apartment, was in fact within perfectly reasonable walking distance from your parents’. 
There were many bad things, though. Namely the infected now roaming the streets. And the plumes of smoke rising in the distance, suggesting that the Terranovan authorities were attempting to quell the issue the old-fashioned way. 
With two knives and a pistol in your hand (you’d never been more happy to see something actually useful in your father’s antique collection), you were at least feeling more prepared to slowly creep back down the staircase of the building and out onto the streets. 
For the first two blocks, everything remained uneventful. You and Dina stuck close to the shadows, being careful not to speak, make any noise, or bump into anything noisy. 
Then a girl that looked somewhat familiar to you came stumbling around the corner, cloudy orange saliva dripping from her ashen lips. She locked onto you and began to excitedly chitter, her jerky movements becoming more pointed as she started approaching. 
“Knife,” Dina whispered, flicking your arm once she saw you raise your pistol. “Too loud.” 
It was your first kill without the help of a bullet. As the blade slid across the throat of the girl, you realized where you recognized her from—she’d been one of the students you’d tutored back in high school. You’d always liked her. Her name had been Liesel, and she was one of your best pupils. She’d been so bright. You thought she’d end up skipping senior year and just coming with you to college. 
Not anymore. You tried not to think too hard about the look you’d seen in her eyes right as you severed her carotid artery—something human, something cognisant. You couldn’t cope with what that implied. 
Did Ellie look like that? No, surely not. It’d been over a year. She was likely a clicker by now, her freckled face entirely swallowed by the spore shards. But was she still in there, like Liesel had been?
The next ones were easier—random men whose eyes remained flat and flinty even as you sent them to their ends. By the time you and Dina had broken into Gunther’s lab, you were splattered in blood and assorted mystery fluids. 
The sterile building was empty and deathly silent. Each step on the tiled floor echoed, the fluorescent lighting painfully bright. 
“Are there any workers in here usually?” Dina asked, her voice low. 
“Rarely,” you whispered back. “It’s normally totally empty beside me or Gunther.”
“I hope you’re right.” 
A long screeching that sounded like it came from a few doors down made you freeze.
“Let’s move,” Dina said under her breath. “I don’t want to find out who that is.” 
Gunther’s lab was nearly just as you remembered it. The only difference was the missing files on his desk, which suggested that he’d taken his work home with him. 
As you’d hoped, the prototype you’d developed in your third year was under a white sheet, almost entirely untouched. 
“This is what sent you to Jackson?” Dina whispered in wonder, her fingers hovering over the wires but not daring to touch.
In actuality, it was a very small contraption, just transistors and gates and wires that crossed over each other like veins. It had been intended for use on laboratory rats. It’d never been sized to people. But if this was your only shot…
“I can’t remember exactly what Gunther and I did to—”
Scratchhhhhh.
Your blood ran cold. Something was outside the door. 
“I’ll cover it,” said Dina, her voice firm. Don’t worry.”
And you wouldn’t—not when there was one zombie against you and Dina, armed to the teeth.
“Uh, anyway—” You blinked as you stared down at the mess of wires. “Technically what happened was it short-circuit—”
Scratch scratch scratch
You gulped. “Um, like I was saying, it short—”
Scratchscratchscratchscratch
To punctuate the point, the door creaked and shifted. 
Dina pressed her finger to her lips as she slowly crept over to the door, standing on her toes to look through the thin strip of plexiglass that ran across the top of the door. 
For a moment, you thought that she’d frozen. Then she quietly stepped over to the desk, snatched the pen Gunther had lying around, and scribbled something onto it. She handed it to you, her finger still posed over her lips. 
7 of them. All big. I think they followed us from the street.
Just as you finished reading it, the doorknob began to turn, back and forth and back and forth against the lock. 
Dina pulled the note from your fingers to scribble something else out. 
Don't say anything. Noise will send them into a feeding frenzy. Door won't hold long. Do whatever you need to fix it and get us out.
You nodded, your heart crawling in your throat. If you couldn’t figure out how to fix this in time…Gunther’s lab was on the 6th floor. 
There were only 3 bullets in the pistol—you’d checked. And a kitchen knife was fine when you were out on the street facing one infected at a time, but 7 in an enclosed space was different.
You probably weren’t going to get out of here alive. 
Not unless you pulled it together right now. 
You pinched the bridge of your nose as you tried to run through all possible ways to recreate the conditions that had sent you to Jackson. You needed that special iridescent wire, which you could see shoved into the corner. You needed a power source. You needed a working circuit board. 
You had all of it. You could do this. 
SIlently, you retrieved the spool of wire and began reattaching it to the board in the pattern you vaguely recalled from your work. 
The lights flickered above, and it was all you could do to keep yourself from swearing out loud. 
The power needed to hold. It needed to hold for just one more minute, just for a moment while you finished configuring the—
Your hand knocked the spool to the floor.
Bang. Bang. Bang.
The thudding started slower but crescendoed into the sound of groaning wood as the infected outside began to pound at the door. 
Dina waved a slip of paper in front of you with wide eyes that said Hurry the FUCK up!. 
You sent her a desperate look back. Your hands were shaking so hard that it was a miracle you were even able to feed the end of the wire through the pliers to snap off the end. You dug your nails into the protective sleeve at the end to expose the tip of the wire.
The door held just until you plugged the wire into the input. 
As it hummed to life, sputtering and sparking and shimmering in the air, the lights flickered once, then plunged you into darkness as the sound of wood splintering came from the door. 
Someone—it was probably you—screamed as a crowd came barrelling through the door, all hunched shoulders and gaping maws. 
Then you grabbed the hand of Dina and felt yourself tumble into nothingness. 
~
The sky was clear and bluebell blue above you when you came to, your back pressed uncomfortably against the sun-warmed earth. Every part of you ached like you’d just been run over, just like it had that day one year ago that started it all.
You didn’t need to look around to confirm—you were certain of where you were. You just knew it. 
A groaning sound made you shoot up, clutching at the pistol in your hand. 
Dina was sprawled on the ground next to you, rubbing her forehead with her hands. 
“We did it,” you said, astonished. “We actually did it. We got out.” 
“And you launched us out to Jackson.” Dina was sitting up now, looking around with wide eyes. “Jesus Christ. Are those things coming with us?”
“I don’t think so,” you said blandly. Your hands were still shaking, just as they had in the lab moments before. 
The backpack you’d packed with supplies lay strewn on the ground, covered in the dust of the clearing. 
“Are we—”
“I think so,” you said. “Funny how it sent us to the same place it sent me. I guess we’ll never figure out how, though.”
“Yeah.”
A comfortable silence fell over the two of you as you acclimated to the bright Wyoming sun, the warmth of the air against your skin.
Your heart lurched as the implications sunk in. Now that you couldn’t pretend like Jackson had been some sort of distant memory, you were going to mourn Ellie all over again whether you liked it or not. 
“It’s going to be weird without her.” Dina was apparently on the same page. 
You choked back the sob that came up, rubbing your eyes angrily. You would not cry right now, not when you had more important things to attend to. 
“She really did love you, you know,” Dina continued, also apparently oblivious to the fact that you were just barely holding it together. “Even if she never said it. I’ve never seen her like that around anyone. I hope you haven’t been beating yourself up over what happened.”
You sent her a tight smile. It was odd, talking about Ellie like this with her. You’d never had before. It was one of those topics that you both knew to just avoid. “I just hope Joel is alright. I can’t imagine how difficult that would be—losing two daughters just like tha—”
A twig snapping in the woods sent you into silence, your hand drifting back down to your pistol as you spun around.
For a moment, all you could hear was the breath that hitched in both your and Dina’s throat. Then a girl with short brown hair burst through the tree line, her gun set on you. 
“Ellie?” you gasped. 
She fell still, mouth agape and eyebrows nearly touching her hairline.
“Ellie, what the fuck?” said Dina, recovering much quicker than you. “What are you doing here?”
“What am I—” Ellie dropped her pistol so it pointed to the ground, staring at Dina incredulously. “What are you doing here?” Then she rounded on you. “What did you do? You promised to stay in Terranova.” 
You couldn’t answer. You were just so starstruck that all you could was stare, taking in everything about her. She was certainly Ellie—with her stupid little flashlight on her backpack strap and her fern tattoo and the perpetual grumpiness etched on her face. It was strange to think that you could have mistaken anyone else for her.
“Well?” she pressed, stepping closer, her mouth in a hard line. 
“Terranova fell. It’s gone. I did what I had to do to get us out.” The words came out quietly. Then, without thinking: “You’re alive.” 
“Long story,” said Ellie. “I think the scanner was defective.” 
“That sounds like a pretty short story.”
She stared at you with an expression of such odd devastation that you felt your heart drop.
Dina jumped to her feet and launched herself at Ellie, throwing her arms around her neck and laughing hysterically. “I can’t believe it. I just—I just—you’re alive. I’m so glad you’re alive.” 
Ellie, for her part, stood mostly still, awkwardly patting Dina on the back until she was released. “I’m glad you are, too.”
You tried not to feel jealous, but it was hard not to. Dina could jump into Ellie’s arms and tell her nice things like that without having to think twice because they’d always been friends. You did, because you weren’t sure if Ellie would want that anymore. 
You didn’t try to touch her as she walked you and Dina back. She followed suit, not even trying to speak to you. 
By the time you were walking through the walls of Jackson and waving to the gaping passerbys who were shocked at your return, you felt like you were going to be sick. 
Ellie was alive. She’d never been dead, and you’d left her out here while you and Dina got to eat fancy Brazilian chocolates and Floridian oranges and artisanal bread. You’d been actively trying to forget her instead of trying to find her.
And now she was here, next to you. And she didn’t seem even remotely interested in you. But could you blame her? It had been a year. You’d left her to come back to Jackson all by herself. She didn’t have any reason to wait around for you. She’d probably found someone else. Or gotten back together with Cat.
And who were you to think that she’d even be interested in you if there wasn’t the guaranteed casualness from a definite end date? 
“Well, I’ll be damned.” Joel appeared on the front porch as you and Dina approached with Ellie flanking you, his eyes wide. 
“Joel!” you cried out, your angst briefly forgotten. 
His eyes darted between the three of you, his face awash with shock. “Did ya just get sick of living there or something?”
You looked down and surveyed your outfit. You were clearly wearing something that was intended to be formal—a flowing graduation dress—but you were splattered with blood and viscous mystery substances and covered in a healthy layer of dirt. You’d clearly gone through some shit. 
You were struggling to come up with a response other than “hey” when you were reminded of something you’d shoved into your bag while you’d been preparing to leave your parents’ penthouse. 
Feeling smug that you’d managed to remember, you reached into your pack and fished around until you found what you were looking for.
“We just figured you’d be almost out of this by now,” you said dryly. The value-sized bag of coffee beans dangled from your fingers, its maroon packaging catching in the sun. 
His face split into a wide grin as he shook his head in disbelief. “Well, butter my butt and call me a biscuit. I guess I’ve got to tell Tommy that we don’t have to ration anymore. C’mon, let’s get you settled.”
~
Joel insisted that you move back into your old room instead of the vacant cottage down the street, which was equal parts touching and equal parts terrifying. Ellie lingered by the doorway as you unpacked, disappearing down the hall when you finally lifted your head from your few belongings to say something to her. 
You let out a long, labored exhale, dropping onto your bed and curling your knees up to your chest. You’d since changed and showered the dirt and blood off, shed your tattered graduation dress and left it gathered in the corner like a snake’s molt. The setting sun filtered through the curtains, turning the walls golden. 
You didn’t know what to do. That you could even come back to Jackson had been a thought you hadn’t dared to consider until this morning, when there were no other options. That Ellie was still alive—well, you hadn’t had any time to strategize or plan for that one. You were still reeling from seeing her for the first time in a year, all summer freckles and flyaway hairs escaping from a loose hairband.
She’d looked even better than you’d remembered. There were certain parts of her that you realized you’d forgotten—like the scar on her eyebrow, the way her voice sounded. It made you feel nauseous, knowing that despite your best efforts, you hadn’t been able to keep the real Ellie alive in your head. 
You’d already eaten something with Tommy and Maria, who had been insistent on hearing from you and Dina about the events in Terranova. Joel had left you to your own devices with instructions to see him tomorrow to figure out work after you’d had a decent rest, so there was really no reason to go roaming around hoping to run into Ellie. 
But you really wanted to. You checked the clock again, seeing that it was already past 9. Dusk had already fallen upon Jackson, the setting sun now just a suggestion of a golden line on the horizon.
You had a feeling you knew where she was. 
The meadow was just as lush and green as you remembered as your feet carried you across the grass. It seemed that really nothing had changed—except for the horses in the distance, where you could see a small foal beside a chestnut mare that you were pretty sure was Shimmer. 
“Hi,” you said, settling down next to Ellie’s spot under the tree. 
If she was surprised to see you, she didn’t show it. She just sighed and fiddled with the sleeve of her shirt. 
“Hi.” 
“I’m sorry for bothering you,” you said, keeping your eyes locked on the darkening sky. “I just wanted to come find you to tell you that I understand if you don’t—want me like that anymore. I’ll leave you alone if you want me to.” 
Even when she took her time responding, you didn’t dare look her way. 
“Is that what you want?” You couldn’t quite decipher the tone she’d used. 
“Obviously not,” you said mildly. “I would never want that.” 
“I wouldn’t either.” 
Your breath caught in your throat, your gaze dropping to meet hers. You were just about to speak when—
“The scanner wasn’t defective,” said Ellie. Her voice was soft, her own eyes falling to look at her tattooed arm. 
“Of course it was,” you said, feeling very confused as to why she was suddenly detouring into something so unrelated. “If it wasn’t, you’d be dead already.” 
“I’ve been bitten twice.”
You blinked, sure you’d heard her incorrectly. “Sorry?” 
“I’ve been bitten twice,” said Ellie again, this time with more conviction. “That’s why the scanner came back red. There was nothing wrong with it.” 
“Then how…” Your words trailed off. 
She didn’t let you ponder long. “I’m immune.” 
Immune. 
You closed your mouth—it’d been hanging open unceremoniously for a moment—and tried to fit this very startling fact in with everything else you knew about her. What did being immune mean? And why was she telling you now?
“You knew from the start that you couldn’t come with me to Terranova,” you realized aloud. 
Ellie was gnawing at her bottom look as she looked back at you. You noted that she didn’t offer up any corrections. 
“Why didn’t you just tell me?” You couldn’t hide the hurt in your voice. “Why did you lie to me like that?” 
“I found out that I was immune when I was back in Boston,” Ellie said, the words spilling out of her. “I was in this abandoned mall with my best friend—Riley. She told me she was leaving to be a Firefly, and I begged her to stay and kissed her and for a moment I was so sure that something was going to change between us—something for the better. But then…” She waved her tattooed arm in front of her. “We both got bit. I survived. She, obviously, did not.”
Something deep inside you twisted as you tried to imagine how traumatizing that must’ve been for someone that couldn’t have been older than 14. 
“And so I thought that maybe, you were my chance to right what I’ve done wrong,” continued Ellie. Even though she wasn’t looking at you anymore, you could see the reflective sheen of tears in her eyes. “I’ve gotten to live while so many other people have died. I just can’t handle another. It’s not fair of me to keep someone here when there’s somewhere safer for them. It’s selfish, and I’ve been that enough.”
It was as if you’d found the last puzzle piece for the jigsaw of Ellie Williams. All this time, you’d been struggling in your attempts to understand why she was pushing you away—and why she changed her mind so suddenly. 
Now you got it. Ellie had come into this knowing that she’d likely never see you again. She’d been betting on it, even. It was all some convoluted way for her to set things right in her head, for her to forgive herself for Riley and whoever else she’d lost. 
“You could have told me,” you said, your voice barely above a whisper. “I would have understood.” 
Ellie sent you a sad smile, shaking her head. “I’m not supposed to tell anyone that I’m immune. It’s one of those things that only Joel and Maria and Tommy know about. No one else. They’d fucking kill me if they found out you knew.” 
“I’m really sorry.” The fabric of her t-shirt was soft under your fingers as you rested a hand on her shoulder. 
“I’m really sorry for how much of an asshole I was to you,” said Ellie. You didn’t miss the way her eyes had widened when you’d reached out to touch her. “I didn’t want to be that way. I always wanted more. I just couldn’t handle having that, knowing that you were going to leave anyway. I thought it’d be easier for the both of us if you thought I was awful.”
“Didn’t work very well.”
“Clearly.”
“I forgive you,” you said, moving your hand so you could thread your fingers into the loose strands that she hadn’t pulled into that baby bun she always wore. 
Instead of kissing you like you thought she might, she threw her arms around you and crushed herself against you, burying her face into your neck.
You held her there, feeling the way her frame trembled under the weight of a sob and tracing patterns across her back. 
“I missed you,” you whispered, your chin rested atop her shoulder. “I thought about you every day.”
Ellie clung to you harder as you shifted.
“I’m really sorry,” she said again, muffled against your neck. “I’m sorry for everything.” 
“I’m not.” You finally pulled away so that she had to look you in the eyes. Under the soft bath of moonlight, her green eyes glowed. “Terranova shouldn’t have existed in the first place. I’m glad that I got out. And I’m even more glad that it brought me back to you.” 
Her hand found yours, your fingers tangling.
“I used to spend all my free time wondering what you were doing up North,” said Ellie. You felt her thumb brush across the top of your hand. “I thought that maybe if I imagined you happy, it’d be easier.”
“What did you think I was doing?” 
The corner of her mouth quirked up. “Lots of studying, I assumed. And going to fancy events for rich people, eating all that expensive shit that the rest of the world can’t have.” 
“Not far off,” you admitted. “But you missed how much time I’d spend wondering about you. I dreamt about you all the time. Sometimes I’d see people who looked similar to you and it’d ruin my whole day. I couldn’t believe that you were gone. I think that deep down I knew that you weren’t.” 
She squeezed your hand. When you looked down at where you were touching, you noted how there wasn’t such a stark difference between you and her anymore. The doll fresh-out-of-the-box skin had disappeared in favor of scars and marks collected from your time in the real world. 
“I really thought you’d be safe there,” said Ellie. 
“You don’t need to worry about me like that anymore,” you told her, cupping her face with your free hand. Her eyelids fluttered half-closed as she leaned into the contact. “You’ve done enough. You can care about me without taking responsibility for everything bad that ever happens to me. You deserve to have something good without suffering because of it. I promise I’m not going anywhere.” 
“Not anymore,” she agreed. 
When you kissed her, it felt like coming home. There was something so achingly familiar in the slope of her neck, the slight chapped-ness of her lips, the almost silent click of her jaw as her mouth parted with a gasp as your hands twisted in her hair. 
You weren’t quite sure how you managed a year without it. 
The skin of her neck was just as soft as you remembered against your lips, her response just as reactive. 
“What’s this?” you asked, pulling away to point at what looked like a small tattoo on the side of her neck. You hadn’t noticed it before—her hair had been covering it. 
“Oh.” Ellie looked sheepish. “My free birthday tattoo from Cat. It’s the moon.” 
“I see that,” you murmured, brushing her hair back more intentionally to get a better look at it. “Why that phase?” 
“It’s the phase it would’ve been on the day we met,” said Ellie. She was bright red now. “Don’t fucking laugh. I know that it’s stupid. Shut up. Stop!” 
You desperately tried to stop your giggles, schooling your face into something straight and no-nonsense. 
“I spent so long wondering if you even liked me,” you told her. “And now you’ve gone and gotten a tattoo dedicated to me. I feel so validated.” 
Ellie rolled her eyes. 
“I have you beat, though,” you said, quieter now. 
She looked back at you, her brows furrowed. “Huh?” 
“When it comes to grand, stupid gestures,” you explained, your finger pointing up to the sky in the general area that you’d collected your data from. “There’s a planet named Ellie up there now.” 
Her jaw dropped for just a moment. “You’re kidding.” 
“No.” Now you were feeling slightly self-conscious. 
“You would do something like that,” Ellie muttered, more to herself than anything. “A whole fucking planet.” 
You let her drape an arm around you, pulling you into her until your head fit into the space between her shoulder and her chin. 
“So,” Ellie said, and you could feel the words vibrate in her diaphragm, “What now?” 
“What do you mean, what now?” 
“I mean, what are you gonna do now that you’re stuck here with me for the foreseeable future?” 
“Enjoy being stuck with you,” you said. “Maybe get a matching tattoo. Give you the piece of the meteorite I nabbed from the display case in my lab. But mostly spend my time bothering you.”
When she didn’t answer, you shifted so you could look up at her. She was already looking back, her eyes soft and the corners of her lips pulling into two dimples. 
“Is that alright with you?’ you ventured.
Her arm tightened around you, fingers gently pressing into the flesh of your forearm like she still couldn’t quite believe you were there. 
“You can be so fucking stupid sometimes,” she said. “I get a tattoo for you and you’re still asking if I want you around.” 
“It’s been known for you to make rash decisions,” you offered dryly. “I didn’t want to jump to any assumptions.”
 She rolled her eyes, still smiling down at you, eyes awash with the reflections of the stars above. 
Slowly, you reached up and touched her face again, letting your fingers relearn her features, tracing the paths created by freckles—just like you had in her bed all those months ago. 
But unlike last time, she didn’t stop you. She didn’t do anything except let you. There was something in her demeanor, something that was fragile and vulnerable and everything that you wanted her to be with you.
“Is this going to be enough for you?” she asked suddenly, her voice raw. 
“What do you mean?” Your fingers paused and rested at her cheekbones.
“It’s just—” She blinked hard and cast her gaze up to the sky. “You grew up so differently than me. I’m not going to be able to give you that fancy Terranova life. Are you sure this is going to make you happy?” 
“Yes.” 
She looked at you, an eyebrow raised skeptically. Your hands moved to cup her face, fingers threading back into her hair. 
“Don’t make that face,” you chided.
“I just find it really hard to believe.” 
You took in a breath. Perhaps more elaboration was in order.
“I’ll put it like this,” you said. “I spent most of my life thinking I needed to be something extraordinary to be happy. I put so much time into trying to be special and nothing I did ever felt like it was enough. But then I met you, and one day I realized while I was here that I didn’t need that anymore. Just being around you makes me more content than I’ve ever been. I don’t want to be like what I was before. I would consider it my greatest success if I got to lead an ordinary life with you.”
You took her brief silence as an opportunity to press your lips to the corner of her mouth.
“Believe me now?” you asked. 
Ellie nodded, leaning in to drop an affectionate kiss at the top of your nose. 
And as you sat there, nestled into the warmth of her side and craning your head up to the sky, you’d never been more sure of yourself. 
This would be more than enough. 
final a/n: ok so some apologies are in order for this one! first of all, sorry for aborting jj lmao. i just couldn't envision doing light speed travel with a baby strapped to dina. big apologies for not including a final smut scene. i actually had one semi-drafted out because i wanted to write one where ellie bottomed bc i feel like it would really hammer in that she was finally choosing to be vulnerable, but the shift in the scene tone just didn't sit right with me. sometimes i write bonus scenes for big fics like this, so if there's enough interest i might write a short one shot of the scene i scrapped/other scenes that i also scrapped. also, speaking of things i scrapped: i had an alternate ending in mind where joel actually did die and ellie went on her seattle rampage + y/n realizes she's alive and tries to sneak out with dina to find her. i might end up writing that one too, depending on interest! anyway, thank you all for coming along on this journey with me so far! it's not totally over yet...the epilogue is still in the works! i appreciate hearing what you guys think of this and hope you all enjoyed !!!
also idk if this is important to bring up but i will say that i didn't realize the kind of message i'd be sending when i wrote a protagonist who's from a place like terranova—exoplanet isn't meant to be some sort of piece that makes you empathize with ignorant beneficiaries of slave labor...it's just the way it shook out and for that i'm sorry 😭
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dollpqrts · 3 months
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̽ ̽ PAIRING — Art Donaldson x Patrick Zweig
̽ ̽ SYNOPSIS — In the confines of the New Rochelle Country Club sauna, former best friends and tennis doubles partners find themselves inches apart for the first time in twelve years. It’s the night before they compete against each other in the final match of the Phil’s Tire Town Challenger. With unresolved tension at an all-time high, the heat of the sauna isn’t the only reason for their sweaty bodies or heaving chests. Patrick seeking some sort of reconciliation is met with a displeased Art who can’t quite place where his anger stems from. With The men attempting to hash out past wounds, the steam room is hot and charged with passion, it promises violence or something just as strenuous.
̽ ̽ WORD COUNT — ≈ 3k
̽ ̽ CONTENTS — 18+ SMUT MDNI, HEAVY angst to start, alternate ending of canon scene, vulnerable Patrick, mean asf Art, DEVASTATING argument, sexual tension, YEARNING, minor violence - nothing incredibly graphic, porn with plot and context, public ish sex, slight humiliation, praiseee, bottom ish Art, dirty talk, frot, desperation, internalized homophobia, mentions of Tashi, slight toxicity, hand jobs, blowjobs, biting, and lots of sweat <33
̽ ̽ A/N — This is just super self indulgent, Artrick angst rots my brain daily and I feel like this was the sauna scene we deserved </3 I genuinely haven’t written anything for YEARS sooo go easy on me, but YASS first piece of writing on this blog!! don’t hesitate to send in asks or message me for any tips or advice it would be so appreciated. Looking for friends and mutuals sooo, that too :)) if u enjoy reading pls lmk with a comment, or sending a message, however you’d like xoxo
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"I don't matter?" 
Patrick Zweig was a figure of confidence, well known to many as much too sure of himself for what he was. For what they thought he was anyway. Confrontation was a fuel to him, something Art knew all too well. 
What wasn't widely known, and what slipped Art's memory, something that he used to know through and through, was that Patrick’s bold demeanor was a facade carefully cultivated to mask his doubts. Patrick's internal voice was incessant and worried. A relentless drumbeat. He held a firm grasp on his own identity and emotions, never wavering in his display of self-assurance. However, his greatest fears ruled him through the subconscious of his mind.
He was terrified that the most important people to him were unable to understand the depths of his being, that they only saw his shortcomings. He yearned for a love as profound as what he was capable of. Like a flower reaching for the sunlight, he needed someone who could nourish him completely. A full type of love that could only exist if someone could see him for who he truly was.
In a steam-filled sauna, Art Donaldson found himself seated face to face with his childhood best friend for the first time in twelve years. Since then he had degraded Patrick to just another fleeting relationship from their youth. It irked him that he couldn't simply erase that part of his past. As they sat there, their bodies naked and only their waists covered by towels, Art's gaze flickered over the other's body. Patrick, though lacking Art's discipline, was chiseled like a Greek god, which both aggravated and mesmerized Art.
Art couldn't help but think that Patrick was relishing in the discomfort, deliberately putting them in this vulnerable position. It seemed clear to Art that Patrick was fully aware of the effect he had on him. He grappled with self-disgust, frustrated by his inability to articulate himself, that he was undeniably affected by Patrick's orchestration. The opportunity to assert himself to Patrick was finally here. Yet he was struggling to find his voice. 
The sight of Patrick's unclothed body in front of him only added to his agitation, taunting him with feelings he couldn't quite place - a mix of envy and something else he wasn't sure of. His lips folded into a straight line, a mannerism unconsciously borrowed from Tashi. Beads of sweat gathered at his hairline, tension that had nothing to do with the heat of the sauna.
"Not even to the most obsessive tennis fan in the world." Art's voice cut through the thick air, and hung between them, heavy with unspoken history. 
Patrick's confident grin faltered as he came to know two things. His much-anticipated showdown with Art provided no consolation for his insecurities, and his greatest fear became reality - Art didn't care anymore, maybe he never really had. 
For years, Patrick had stubbornly, willingly endured hunger and homelessness all in pursuit of proving something. That he was worthy of the adoration, the victories, the accolades, and the fame of a star tennis player, he believed he was every bit deserving as Art was of it all. The only person who could truly validate that for him was Art himself. With cruel precision, Art had shattered Patrick into a million pieces. 
"We're not talking about tennis," Patrick said softly, his eyes seeking understanding.
Art wondered what Patrick could hope to gain from him. Carving out a new life with Tashi, it took time and effort to move on from his teenage years. With the help of Tashi, he had transformed himself into tennis champion Art Donaldson, the Art that Tashi loved, Tashi Duncan's devoted husband, and the father of her child. He had intentionally buried Patrick in the recesses of his mind, leaving behind the insecurities and emotional bullshit of his youth. 
Art scoffed, his voice taking on an edge, "What the fuck else do I have to talk to you about?"
Their exchange became a verbal rally, each word a calculated strike. Art desperately clung to his lead, an invisible audience holding its breath. Was Tashi the unseen umpire, coaching Art like an angel perched on his shoulder? Or had he internalized her so completely that her guidance was no longer necessary to decimate his opponent?
Patrick, completely deflated, realized that the words spilling from Art's lips were not his own. They were out of place, disjointed. How could these words be a product of Art's own mind? 
They had shared a world of experiences, yet Art fixated on just one - tennis. It was as though tennis had become the sole defining factor of what they were to each other. While Art and Tashi's love seemed intertwined with the sport, what Art and Patrick had run far deeper than the confines of a tennis court. It transcended tennis entirely. At least, that's how Patrick felt. 
"I just wanted to come in here to wish you luck, Art."
Art's eyes narrowed, darting away from Patrick's earnest gaze. Distrust clouded his judgment, unable to fathom Patrick's sincerity. There had to be an ulterior motive. The thought stirred his mind mirroring the windstorm raging just beyond the warmth of the sauna. From Art's perspective, he possessed everything Patrick desired – a hot wife, success, and an endless stream of attention. How could Patrick genuinely wish him luck?
A stroke of luck on Art's end the following day could propel Art Donaldson into the next chapter of his illustrious tennis career and leave Patrick Zweig in the shadow of failure. Art knew that luck was the only thing that kept him ahead of Patrick before, that he'd never actually beaten him, he couldn't shake the feeling that he still needed it to stay there, that he was still depending on it.
"That makes no sense."
Patrick mustered a faint semblance of a smile, "I wanted to tell you that I’m looking forward to it. I miss playing with you."
"Yeah?" Art jumped up suddenly, his towel slipping slightly as he adjusted it and wiped the sweat from his forehead with a quick motion. He inched toward the sauna door, the wooden slats warm under his bare feet. "Well, I don't miss playing with you, man. I'm too old for it."
"Oh, get over yourself, Art," Patrick retorted, his eyes locking onto Art's in a challenging gaze.
"Get over myself? Seriously? Look at you, sauntering in here to rile me up before our match. On some sentimental bullshit. We both know every person at this bumfuck tournament thinks that you're nothing, Patrick. I've worked hard to get where I am, I deserve that win tomorrow. You? You're lazy, using cheap shit like this to get your way. Don't act like you ever gave a damn after all these years - about our relationship, or whatever it is you're trying to say."
Patrick could only shake his head in disbelief as the other man dug into him. "Can you even hear yourself anymore?" Suddenly, he sprang to his feet, grabbing his towel before it hit the floor. Art took a step back, his eyes tracing the movements of Patrick's fingers along the towel.
"Do you get off on some delusion that you're all innocent, living the dream, and that I've gotten my karma or whatever the fuck?" 
Closing the gap between them, Art challenged Patrick right back,
"Tell me, how do you see it then, Patrick?" 
Patrick inhaled deeply, his body coursing with anxious energy but still able to hold himself firm before the other.
"You abandoned me." he declared, voice quivering despite the intensity behind his words.
The two men stood inches apart, tension crackling between them, suffocated by each other's breath.
"What the fuck do you want me to say to that?" Art's voice dropped, barely above a whisper.
"Go to hell, Art." Patrick hissed, his hot breath caressing Art's face, spit landing on it. Art tilted his head up, meeting Patrick's blazing stare with defiance.
In a blur of motion, Art's fist flew upward. Patrick's head jerked to the right, his hand rising to cradle his jaw as if anticipating the impact. Before Art could strike again, Patrick seized his wrist and held it tightly. Art's grunt of pain morphed into an animalistic growl as he lunged forward, their bodies tangling together in a fight for control. 
With raw energy, their muscles strained as they grappled with each other. Sweat-slicked skin slid against skin. Art's chest heaved against Patrick's, their hearts pounding in a frenzied rhythm. Bodies intertwined, locked in a primal dance of dominance. Nails raked across skin, leaving angry red trails that would linger for days. The air was thick, charged with the promise of violence or something equally explosive. 
Art's hand found Patrick's throat, fingers pressing into the pulse point. Patrick countered swiftly, fisting a handful of Art's hair and wrenching his head back. His other hand clamped down on Art's shoulder, pinning him in place.
Their faces were less than an inch apart, breath mingling in hot, ragged pants. Patrick's eyes seared right through Art, still for a moment. In a ravenous haze, their lips crashed together. The kiss was brutal, all clashing teeth and battling tongues. Patrick bit hard down onto Art's lower lip causing him to shove Patrick away only to yank him in, entwining their bodies back together.
They devoured each other, hands roaming with desperate need. The world faded elsewhere, leaving only the intoxicating sensation of long-awaited touch, the taste of desire on their tongues. Lost in their universe of violence and passion, they clung to each other, neither willing to back down or let go. Their embrace tightened as if trying to meld into one. The heat of the sauna paled in comparison to the fire ignited between them. Years of pent-up emotion poured out in a torrent of kisses as the men groped one another, each touch electric.
Art's mind was cloudy, "Patrick," he gasped, breaking away. His eyes were wild, conflicted. "We can't—"
Patrick silenced him with another burning kiss. "Don't think," he breathed, chuckling against Art's lips. "Anything but that."
They stumbled backward, their backs hitting the rough wooden wall. Goosebumps prickled across their skin from the impact. Like an animal clawing for control, Patrick's hands were everywhere, feeling every inch of Art's body that he could and holding on tight. Art moaned and gasped under his touch as he pressed his body closer, their throbbing erections pressing together through layers of fabric.
"Yeah, that's right." Patrick whispered huskily, "Feel it, Art. Feel how much you want me." A low, guttural moan escaped Art’s lips as the dirty words caressed his ear. Fear and arousal stormed his mind. He knew that at any moment, someone might innocently walk into the steam room and discover them, but he couldn't bring himself to stop.
Art reached into the waistline of Patrick’s towel grazing delicate fingers over the warmth, groaning at the feeling of him, how big he felt. Patrick took a firm grip on Art's wrist, guiding his hand down the fold of his towel. Patrick's cock sprang free, hard and throbbing, the tip slick with pre-cum. Art swallowed nervously, his throat dry.
Their fingers intertwined tightly, Patrick guided their hands up and down his glistening length. He whispered praises in Art's ear, his other hand removing the towel that had been covering him with ease. It was as if he had been waiting for this moment for years, eagerly anticipating it with every fiber of his being.
Patrick rubbed their cocks together, his grin growing wider as the other's jaw dropped in pleasure. "Look who's all hard for me again," he teased, his voice tinged with a hint of pride. "Remember when we used to do shit like this all the time?"
Art could only weakly nod, the memory of that long-forgotten time when they were still friends, and their hands would roam freely. When they said whatever excuse they could make up just to make everything feel okay, whatever excuses could allow them to have a next time.
“I know you were really thinking about me every time we jerked off together.” Patrick teased, his tongue flicking over Art's neck.
"Stop Pat...that's not true,"
“Oh c’mon, don’t you wanna cum for me just like you used to?”
Patrick pressed on, increasing the speed and pressure of their movements, the friction sending shivers through both of their bodies. Art could barely speak.
“Yes, yes...please,” he begged for release, hardly able to form any coherent words.
Patrick let out a low chuckle, pressing his lips against Art's neck as he tightened his grip over their cocks. Art's hips bucked up involuntarily, biting into Patrick's shoulder to muffle a strangled moan.
"You're the same sensitive little boy you were when we were young" Patrick taunted, twisting his fingers just right.
All Art can do is mindlessly nod his head as he desperately fucked into Patrick's hand-- his mind reeling at the embarrassing little comments Patrick’s making. The warmth of Patrick's cock against his own, the wet and slick of their pre-cum mingling together, his rough stubble pricking the sensitive skin along his neck. He was so close, so close...
“Don’t fucking stop,” His voice took on a demanding, almost threatening tone. His hips rutted up into their interlocked fists as he reached the brink of climax. His other hand dug into Patrick's back, leaving scratches in its wake as he mumbled incomprehensible pleas and praises.
Patrick coached him through it, practically growling in his ear "That's it, fuck my hand Art.”
His body trembling with climax, Art released all over their hands and stomachs, his body hot and red, his chest heaving. Patrick continued to stroke his sensitive cock through his orgasm, pushing him past his limit.
“Oh god, t-too much...” Art groaned, his body twitching with every little touch, yet still needily grinding into Patrick’s palm. He had to push Patrick off of him before he would nearly start crying from the overstimulation.
They collapsed onto the bench just by where they were standing, their bodies glistening with sweat and flushed with exertion. The scent of their arousal filled the air, enveloping them in a sweaty heat. Art's cheeks burned with embarrassment as Patrick continued to stroke his hard cock next to him.
“Why don’t you get on your knees and finish me off, hm?” he suggested with a smirk, “It’s the Least you could do after being so mean.”
Art swallowed thickly, hesitating for a moment before slowly lowering himself onto his knees. Humiliation and desire coursed through his veins. He took Patrick's stiff length in his nervous hand, his tongue darting out to lick the droplets of pre-cum that shone at the tip.
Patrick groaned, his hips jerking forward. "That's it, baby,"
The taste of Patrick's skin and pre-cum lingered on Art's lips as he took him in his mouth, his tongue swirling around the head. The saltiness of his own release was still there, all over his cock. With a trembling hand, Art gripped Patrick's thrusting hips and guided him closer to his mouth. His lips wrapped around the tip, his throat constricting as he tried to take more of him in. Patrick let out a deep groan, gripping the edges of the bench and fingers tangling in Art’s hair as he reveled in the sensation. "Fuck, Art," he panted, his eyes locked on the sight before him. "You’re so good at this."
He silently took in his praise as Patrick's thrusts grew more forceful, driving deeper into Art's mouth with each motion. Feeling a sense of satisfaction wash over him, there was nothing he wanted more than to please Patrick, to make him reach new heights of pleasure that they could only have dreamed of when they were young. He worked with both of his hands and his mouth at the same time, pumping down his length and groping his balls. The room was filled with wet sounds, with Patrick's rough grunts and moans. His throat stretched around Patrick's cock, and tears welled up in his eyes.
"God I've missed you," Patrick exclaimed between ragged breaths. "You look amazing from up here."
Patrick's thrusts became erratic and his breathing grew shallow and strained. With one final plea, he pushed Art's head down and held it there as he reached his climax.
"I'm gonna cum."
Art felt the hot spurts hit the back of his throat, and it took all he had not to gag. He swallowed subconsciously, tasting the bitterness of Patrick's release. Patrick pulled out, his hips twitching sporadically as he fought to catch his breath. With Patrick's orgasm, Art could also feel his own comedown, a shift of realization in him. He swallowed hard, his throat raw with the taste of Patrick. He could feel his tears stained on his cheeks, and he tried his best to wipe them away discreetly. He quickly wiped his mouth as he got up, avoiding eye contact with Patrick. He grabbed his towel from the floor, wrapping it around himself before he sat further down Patrick on the bench.
Patrick, panting and still coming down from his peak, barely had time to react before Art slipped away from him.
“What was that for?”
For a moment, Art didn't answer. He stayed silent, his eyes trained on the floor. “I just needed to clean up.”
“Is that all?” Patrick asked. “Or are you too ashamed to look at me?”
Art didn’t say anything.
Patrick felt the change in Art's demeanor, the shame that seemed to radiate off of him. They sat in silence for a few minutes. Trapped in awkwardness. Patrick cleared his throat, the sound echoing in the tense quietness.
"So, uh, you're letting me win tomorrow right?"
Art's forced laugh didn't reach his eyes, the weight of their earlier exchange still pressing on him.
"Oh Fuck off man…" he grumbled, burying any hint of vulnerability from before. His towel tightened in his grip, damp fabric biting into his skin as he pushed away the memory of the fleeting intimacy they had shared. The moment was gone now, and so were any traces of tenderness or closeness between them.
“I meant every word that I said.” Art’s voice trembled with conviction. Without another glance, he stormed out of the sauna, leaving Patrick naked and by himself in the leftover sex and stifling heat of the room. All Patrick could do was sit there, his fingers tapping nervously against his knees.
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kittensleeping · 3 months
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ngl, sometimes i have afraid of giving up on shifting just because my life got slightly better in some way and i suddenly ill feel like I don't have to shift anymore, but honestly, this would be dumb asf.
like, you have the knowledge that you can be whatever you want, that you can free yourself from any illness, trauma, toxic environment, the capitalism, live in a society where racism, misogyny, homophobia doesn't exist and you simply want to stay because your salary increased? because you got yourself a boyfriend? because now you have a slight and miserable chance of living minimally better? LMAO
okay, I'll keep this message here to myself if one day I go crazy and start thinking about staying here in this hell forever💀
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werewolvesofseoul · 1 year
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some people are painfully hypocritical, i was once scrolling through tiktok and found a video of a trans guy saying that he prefers to present femininely while also not wanting surgery, and to my surprise the comments were mainly filled with other lgbtq ppl (including other trans men) hating on him. All of their arguments were either transmed asf or just terf talking points. It’s a shame that the entire point of pride is being who you are unapologetically, but the second you step outside of people’s ideology of what a “real” trans person is suddenly they become more conservative than actual transphobes. If you as a queer person are attacking other queers cuz you think they’re the cause for homophobia you’re failing.
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tismtron · 5 days
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“What would they be like if they had a boyfriend?”
Warnings: angst, mentions of smut, use of words faggot, homophobia, situationships, most of these headcanons are unhealthy asf.
Reader: male AMAB
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Pete Dinunzio
•Pete would keep your relationship very down low. It’s nothing like shame or internalized homophobia in his case, it’s to protect himself and you from the club.
•will the club beat the shit out of you for being gay, no?..will the deprecate and degrade you about it until your six feet under because their insecure teenage boys? Yes of course. And Pete knows this.
•Behind closed doors and out of the public eye he’s tender and loving. Binged horror movies with you even if you can handle them or not, thinking that you would get so scared of the movie, you’ll cling onto him as he embraces you type of trope.
•will bring you things from he was hanging out with the club like a cat bringing its owner what it found. In both cases being small dead animals and you gotta explain to this man why you don’t want nor can keep roadkill in your bedroom.
•If he’s shorter than you he would get a complex and always try to prove to you that he’s the macho man of the relationship eve if you told him that you don’t think any less of him because of his height. Although bringing up his height at all brings fuel to the fire. When just the two of y’all go on dates he will rap his hand around your waist while you’re watching a slasher at the movies.
•this guy is inexperienced in relationships like the rest of the virgin club and tries to get advice from horror flicks.
•He calls people faggot derogatory while infact being one of the himself.
•Pete does genuinely love you but he wants to be sure that you’re safe from the club.
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Jerry Stokes
•Jerry is a sweetheart but the club find out sooner or later cause for one; Jerry is a bad liar, and two they snoop on each other if one of them misses a meeting. And when they say Jerry holding hands with a boy they didn’t know what to think.
•Jerry is neurodivergent. You know this. You’re aware of his vocal stims, hyper fixation on fantasy, and stims with his hands and body when gets worked up or excited about something.
•when you come over he’s over the moon the see you, but he has to hide you from his parents aswell cause I think his parents are more conservative.
•sometimes when the two of you make out or get intimate he vocally stims and he got so embarrassed but you said he was ok.
•the club clowns on him about it when they found out saying things like. “Now we see why you like fantasy you fucking fairy.” And calling him a fag when he tries to be the voice of reason to their dumb ideas.
•He doesn’t let you near the club because he doesn’t want you to think less of him or he’s friends to dog on you like they do to him.
•please let him rant on for hours about his fantasy games and movies and he’ll love you forever.
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Bill Dicky
•Internalized Homophobia in the most incel way possible. He will date you but degrade you to push himself up on his ego. Will not do any pda or nickmaes in public, almost as if you two aren’t dating at all.
•But behind closed doors it’s very different. He’s never had a partner, so he can take what he can get, but got thrown in a loop when you were a guy. If he really likes you he’ll be more closer to you by standing next to you and talking to you more than others.
•Bill is a very insecure man. So when you started dating him he used you as reassurance that he’s a good person, and if you point out something he did that’s clearly wrong he will get so defensive.
•His mom knows about your relationship and is surprisingly okay with it. His younger sister actually thinks you would help Bill get better in some way or at least more tolerable to be around.
•he whimpers (WHO SAID THAT)
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Josh Levvy
•Josh like the rest keeps your relationship more private. Mostly out of shame of being gay himself than you.
•His parents are Jewish and very religious. Josh is more willing to show you to his parents than his friends. His mom calls you a Sheigtez and Josh would fight for you and stand up for a you against his mom whether you want him to or not.
•The most odd conversations with Josh will mean the world to him. Y’all can be talking about nothing and Josh would cherish the moment.
•For his short temper he has a very low self esteem. The fact anyone is dating him makes him question why him of all people.
•will talk your ear off about Star Wars,Star trek, DC, you name it. And when he shows you his collection and lets you touch them you know your in deep with him.
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autistic-katara · 2 years
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stuff i wanna see in TSATS
its just less than 2 months until TSATS comes out and my pjo phase is coming back HARD so heres some stuff i wanna see (idc how popular or unpopular these r)
Solangelo kiss (seriously like all the other good canon couples had one)
explicit use of queer terms (i havent rlly seen anyone talk abt this but as much as i love queer characters just existing u have no idea how happy it makes me to see media, especially kids media, explicitly say the words gay, bisexual, transgender, lesbian, etc.)
Hunters of Artemis cameo
piggybacking off that, Nico’s reaction to Reyna being a hunter (ive wanted to see this since 2019 PLEASE i gotta know how he feels abt this considering yk his past w/ them)
confirmation on whether Will’s gay or bi/mspec (or just simply queer, no specific labels necessary)
a trans/nonbinary character (specifically transmasc)
a Piper cameo
during her cameo Piper explicitly saying her sexuality (which is lesbian, if u think otherwise ur wrong/hj)
Hazel cameo
more Lavinia content (idc how i just need more of my chaotic Jewish ADHD pink-haired Russian lesbian, ok?)
GAY ANGST
MORE GAY ANGST
SO MUCH GAY ANGST ITLL MAKE MY AO3 HISTORY LOOK LIKE A HAPPY HETEROSEXUAL PURE BIBLE CLUB FOR TODDLERS
canonically autistic Nico
that Lil Nas X reference we were promised
Nico making more trauma jokes (he just like me fr)
the multiple coming out scenes i heard were allegedly promised
Hades and/or Apollo cameo
Hestia cameo
Jason’s ghost cameo
dead Apollo kids cameo
explicit discussion of Nico’s religious trauma
explicit discussion of just Will’s trauma in general (seriously we all kinda ignore that our “sunshiney golden retriever uwu gay boi 😊🌸✨☀️” actually has some super serious trauma)
both of them coping badly with all this and being worried abt eachother (aka gay angst but more specific)
Maria di Angelo content
Persephone cameo w/ her either still lowkey hating Nico and being passive aggressive asf to him or having had him grow on her in the past few years and is now turning the overprotective mom mode to the max
just some cute, non-angsty moments between Nico nd Will cause goddam we need some queer joy rn ;-;
so much hurt/comfort u physically cant continue living anymore (going both ways not just Will comforting Nico)
a MCGA cameo
Fierrochase and Solangelo meeting and having the same funny interactions they have in the memes (but with the canon versions of them)
discussions of stuff like homophobia and internalized homophobia and mental illness
a relatively happy ending (but not a “2 months later and the world is perfect and neither of them had felt anything close to depression or anything since the ending and if for some reason addiction was a part of this we would we talking abt how they were magically 2 months clean and it would be physically impossible for the thought of relapse to even cross their mind” kinda happy ending cause i hate those kinda endings w/ a burning passion)
setup for another side book (preferably a Piper or Reyna one)
thats all i can think of rn off the top of my head but feel free to comment on any of these or add ur ideas cause 2 months feels like an eternity long wait + hearing other opinions is fun when we arent all in a heated argument over smthn stupid
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avkizi · 2 months
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MARAUDERS ERA DR INTRO !!
BASICS ౨ৎ-----------------------------------------------------------------
||*.name: venus mayumi
||*.nicknames: rings, vee
||*.birthday: 06/04 (11)
||*.pronouns: she/her
||*.occupation: student @ hogwarts
||*.ethnicity: filipino/japanese/german
||*.blood status: half-blood
APPEARENCE + MOODBOARD
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⋆.˚ lil blurb: i have vitiligo, which affects my eye, skin in some smaller patches, and the front bits of my hair, making them lighter ⋆.˚
SCHOOL/SOCIAL ౨ৎ-----------------------------------------------------
||*.house: gryffindor
||*.friends: marauders & valkyries, + regulus black (♡), dorcas meadows, pandora rosier, kingsley shacklebolt, & emmeline vance (civil w/ the skittles/emeralds bc of reg)
||*.animagus form: raccoon
||*.personality/social life: lowkey a little loud, def more similar to james & sirius than remus & peter, but i actually know when to shut tf up, and i'm generally well-liked. there isn't as much hatred of other houses, and a lot of the death eater/pureblood stuff is way less prevelant, so friendly rivalries are common, but no all-out hatred. me n sirius are beaters for the gryffindor quidditch team (i'm also lowkey ripped asf hehehe), but i end up having to drop out mid fifth year from an injury, so me n lily end up commentating (lmao).
||*.hobbies:
muggle volleyball thrifting, crocheting, embroidery, & sewing singing + playing electric guitar jewlery making rock, fossil, and bone collecting/foraging parkour roller skating quidditch
WORLD STUFF ౨ৎ--------------------------------------------------------
||* uniforms arent as strictly enforced, fridays, weekends, and non-school days like holidays you can wear regular clothes undr your robes, accessories are always allowed (jewelry, belts, hair shit, etc.)
||* there are a bunch of extra curriculars available like different clubs, etc. and theyre lowkey super fun theres like baking club, art club, care of magical creatures, its so sick.
||* they do so many fancy events theres a halloween masquerade ball, easter ball, valentines day dance, autumn/spring equinox events, etc. also the triwizard tournament didn't get banned and there was one in my fourth year bc i said so
||* it's genrally recognized that students within the same house arent all the same sow hile friendly competition is encouraged, it's also common for students to have friends from other houses, and ppl are allowed in other house's dorms & common rooms if they're invited
||* there is a bioluminescent cave pool under the castle and its so fun to hang out in oh my god its not cold or anything its just soso cool
||*voldemorts downfall happens the year after we graduate (aka the order destroys all the horcruxes), and nobody i know well dies so none of the betrayal happens, but regulus does end up taking the mark but dosen't believe in all that shit & works as a spy (snape could NEVER) for the order, and still destroys the horcrux but survives and fully leaves his family (suck it walburga and orion)
MISC/TRIVIA ౨ৎ-----------------------------------------------------------
has three pets, two cats and an owl, whos names are mocha, shinya, & ghost, (the cats r technially communal between me n the valkyries bc they live in the dorms w us, but idc)
bands/music artists and slang r all the same as they are now, but technology etc is all 70s (w/o the homophobia racism etc)
i shift in the day before i get my hogwarts letter
sirius and reg are irish twins so while reg is still younger hes in our year (along w the rest of the skittles/emeralds its for simplicity)
there is a creek/river system in the forest and its so cool to hangout near theres like fossils and bones and cool rocks and shit EVERYWHERE i love it
the lake is swimmable (unless you can't swim cough cough regulus black) and its super fun theres a dock and floating platforms and stuff its amazing when its hot out
the dr follows kind of an atyd type timeline of events w exceptions
౨ৎ---------------------------------------------------------------------------
that's all pretty much!!! thats a long one lmao sorry abt that but also if y'all knw any younger raspier british fem voiceclaims pls tell me im in the trenches rn trying to find a british vc that dosent sound like shes in bridgerton lmao ok byeeee love u
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okay but like
if you think about it, the only main thing keeping Dave and Karkat from getting together is Dave’s internalized homophobia and realizing he was bisexual, etc. Understandable. One intimate feelings jam later and they’re most likely going to crack and confess.
But then with Rose and Kanaya, Rose wasn’t going through any lesbian in denial arc or anything. They were just messy asf and weren’t saying anything to each other until Rose got drunk from her nerves about going on a date with Kanaya. Even worse, Kanaya had no idea it was a date and showed up in like her pjs.
Therefore, I declare davekat more competent than rosemary
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sungarrr · 8 months
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Hi 🧚
This is me:
I need friends, but like real ones 🧚
I’m always bored so please dm me 😭
Gay asf
Aro
I LOVE:
- Books (Every Osemanverse book, I just started reading six of crows, Percy Jackson 🫶)
- Sitcoms (American housewife, Superstore, modern family)
- Music (basically everything except classical music and ballads)
I HATE:
- Homophobia
- Mushrooms
- B*n H*pe
I CANNOT start or entertain conversations 👺
Anyway
Bye 🧚
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