#holy shit its jeff the killer omg

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Finally Watched Cinderella's Castle Digital Ticket (Twice) and I Gotta Get My Feelings Out Somewhere, Somehow (Part I)

Feel free to light up my DMs to chat about it!

And now, for my personal highlights/live reactions:

immediately I'm drawn in by Nick Lang's silly narrator voice and the way he warns us of what's coming. Especially the "muRrrDder!"

Jeff Blim cut his hair. JEFF BLIM CUT HIS HAIR. Not that I didn't like the long locks, but something about his Aladdin Era short hair gets me, man.

Jeff Blim literally getting to own the stage like the man was born to

Jeff Blim's slutty bard getup with the artfully messy hair and the heavy guyliner. That sinful bastard.

"Let's go." I'll follow you anyway, slutty bard.

Okay 80s rock jam! Hell yes.

idk why but I just love the line "There are tales in those walls, are they true or are they tall?"

THIS SET, THO. 80s vibes. Muppets vibes. Princess Bride vibes. Spooky, ethereal fairytale vibes. I love it! Props to the team who designed and built it.

prance, slutty bard boy, prance around that stage.

Jesus Fuck, I've only seen Joey's puppet but I'm already SOLD. Nick and Matt Lang and whoever else had a hand in making these puppets fucking OUTDID themselves! Did they use the Black Book and resurrect Jim Henson?

Throughout the show, the muppet vibes just absolutely amaze and delight me. Makes me feel like a little kid, spellbound by this fairytale. Except it's much darker, more gruesome, way more explicit, and extremely horny.

Oh look, it's Joey's Jingle/Jangle (whichever elf he was) voice from Black Friday.

Love me some o' dat non-binary representation from Ragweed. Starkid once again screaming GAY RIGHTS bitches.

I'm getting some of Jeff's Aragog from AVPS in this Narrator. Anyone else?

Stupid STUPID butcher!

Jon Matteson's accent. *giggles madly*

Angela IMMEDIATELY having to pause for applause before she finishes her first freaking line. The queen deserves it all, though.

The foreshadowing of the Stepmother cutting off Ella's feet. O_O

"It's furryyyyy and fouuuuul and full o' maGOTTTSSaaaaaggghhhh!"

Angela doing the little spinny finger thing in a guy's face to fluster them just like Max did to her character in Nerdy Prudes. I love these physical running gags. My fave being the Smoke Club, though.

OIIIINK oinkoinkoinkoinkoinkoink

Sir Preston asking for help from the audience. His "ELLAaaaaa....nooooo....."

The lighting in this entire show is SO COOL.

Again, Jeff just louging like a whore about the set like its his bitch. I live for it.

James' COSTUME. He looks SO FUCKING GOOD. Props to the costume folks...and to James' rockin' genes.

"But nothing compares to the juice and the hairs..." Oh no. Ohhhhh no I see where this is going. Don't say it, James, don't-- omg he said it.

er ee er ee er ee *window rolling down*

I thought the Prince drawing bewbies on the frosty window was funny already, and then he goes WAH WAH WAH and pretends to pinch them and I fucking lost it.

The Prince checkin' out DAT AZZZZZZ XD

"I'd wager she's wetter now than when I first found her bobbing in the river." OH MY GOD. PRINCE. THAT'S HER NOT-MOM.

If his highness has had every STD and beaten it, that's so fucked up but also damn, that boy's immune system is killin' it. Literally.

"Poor mad EllaAH"

"This is one thirsty FUCKING house." For real, omg.

"The offer stands firm. Come calling if you are!" *screams*

Jeff miming being crew and pulling the ropes for the curtains.

*audience member sneezes* "Bless you."

Angela's diction is next fucking level. PUNY. PINK. KIND.

The epic troll reveal! The puppets are SO GOOD.

THE FROG FUCKING TURNING AWAY AS SHE ASKED FOR IT TO DO SO SHE COULD KILL IT. CHRIST.

This bayou boogie song of Ella's is an absolute KILLER BOP. Holy shit. And it's SO perfect for Bryce's funky, sassy voice.

Speaking of which, BRYCE'S VOCALS. I'm gonna scream about them for forever and ever and ever. I love her voice SO FUCKING MUCH. I could listen to nothing else for the rest of my days and die a happy little gay.

"ohhhh woah woah waohhh" *flips the bird* She's such a queen for that.

"It needs oregano" WORK BITCH

Bryce's stage presence is fucking INSANE. I dunno how she's not on Broadway, but thank goodness we got her!

SIRE MANY TADPOLES!

GOD I love this absolutely depraved, horny little bastard of a prince.

It's amazing Tadeus hasn't murdered the prince yet. The man deserves a medal for the literal shit he's put up with.

Bugette?! I thought you choked on shit died and were consumed by the Hive Queen?

Rancilda being a typical troll and loving lurking under bridges and telling riddles.

Schuyler Sister vibes from the song with Justine and Lucy. So cute.

Justine and Lucy are SUCH real ones for IMMEDIATELY believing Ella about her family being trolls and for saying "fuck the ball, we're leaving NOW."

Shake dat ass, Mariah!

Lauren's physical comedy as Rancilda is NEXT LEVEL. I'm wheezing over here!

iSNn'tT it A BiiIItTcH?!

I LOOK GOOD IN THIS. What an absolute fucking BANGER. This song is gonna play in my head on repeat for the next decade. What a next level villain song.

Also this gives me some strongass Joan Jett vibes. "I love wearin' the skin of dead girls rock 'n' roll!"

and I hEEeaARr yoU'Re RiiiCCHhH

Seriously, is this the next Top Chart breakup revenge song? It should be.

"I really LIKE that song!" XD Putrice. I love how much of an absolute BIMBO she is.

Rancilda singing the song again. "SHUT UP STUPID BITCH, THE SONG'S OVER." "Okaaaaiiii"

Matt Dahan's ability to riff off the main songs and create motifs is otherworldly.

General MacNamara? Is that you?! Oh wait, nope. Still my slutty, slutty bard.

I LOOOOOOOVE this badass electric guitar intro, holy shit.

Kim Whalen, the queen, getting the bitchin' entrance she deserves.

Starkid is so, so good at their sound design to help immerse you in a scene without blowing a big budget or doing anything elaborate.

...Kim. My girl. Your arms must be tired.

She's just standing there, but Kim's stage presence is still so strong.

I can't get over how Jon's Sir Hops-A-Lot's voice is just a small...ahem. Hop, skip, and a jump away from Wiggly's.

JOEY. THAT ACCENT. You ABSOLUTE genius idiot. I love you for this stupidass voice.

Joey's bowl cut makes me giggle like mad.

I love these two puppets SO much.

GIT IT, KIM.

The call and response bit with Ella and the Goddess reminds me of Hamilton when Washington is dictating his Farewell Address. I know it's gotta be in other musicals, too, but that's the clearest comparison for this nerd at the moment.

Jeff sneaking in the "castle on a hill" song reference in this song.

Kim and Bryce dueting together is just Power incarnate. Holy cow. It's so good.

"You shall be as radiant and terrible as I." Ooooooh. Yes. Gimme.

The Narrator sneaking out from amidst the ensemble to finish off the song was really neat.

That fading spotlight before curtain for intermission with just Ella's face in view is so beautiful and haunting. What an epic close to Act I.

Also, it seems like this was also a strategic way to imply Ella's outfit being transformed there on stage during the song without actually having to do the tricky costume designing quick-change theater miracles of an ACTUAL outfit transformation. Which is really brilliant. Leave the audience to wonder until post-intermission about what Ella's starlight dress will look like.

[exodilux]

cycle path? cycle path.

[daleisgreat]

Lockdown 2006

Welcome to my second installment of reviewing every TNA Lockdown DVD! If you missed my recap of the first PPV in 2005 you can click here to catch up. That recap also contains a bonus intro that serves as a handy primer for the nuts-o promotion that somehow-someway keeps limping along that is TNA/GFW/Impact Wrestling. My plan is to review a Lockdown DVD every several months. Lockdown is the one event a year for the company where every match happens in a cage! Impact Wrestling has released DVDs of Lockdown PPVs through 2014. The 2015 & 2016 incarnations were shortened TV specials, but since the last blog Impact Wrestling finally launched its own Network/App, The Global Wrestling Network which features the entire Impact TV/TNA PPV archives so if/when I do get that far along with these blogs I will bite the bullet and subscribe to it and bestow the lowdown on Lockdown to you dear readers! Also if you came here fresh from reading the 2005 Lockdown recap you will notice I am no longer referring to the promotion as Global Force Wrestling. That is because Anthem, the company that owns the promotion, had a major falling out with partner Jeff Jarrett before they fully completed the acquisition of his GFW promotion and they backed out of the GFW branding and went back to calling the promotion Impact Wrestling. For those keeping tabs that is the fourth, yes fourth name change for the promotion THIS YEAR because it started off 2017 as TNA, then went to Impact for a few months before changing to GFW for a few months and eventually back to Impact Wrestling. This is all great material for the eventual WWE buyout of Impact and they unleash their OMG 50 Incidents of Impact home video, which should really be a 5-disc 150 OMG Incidents because 50 is nowhere near enough!

So let us shift back to then-TNA in 2006. What has happened in the year preceding the previous Lockdown? Not too long after the premiere Lockdown PPV, TNA’s FSN TV contract ended, and after waiting a few months for WWE’s TV contract to end with Spike, TNA found their way on Spike the week after WWE left the network in October 2006. It was the beginning of a long partnership that would last over nine years with TNA staying on the network through 2014. The move to a major cable network was the catalyst for more former WCW/WWE talent coming over to TNA. Christian was the first WWE star to not re-sign with WWE and opted to bring his talents to Orlando and TNA got behind him big and within months he became the NWA World Champ and continued to hold it going into this show. Sting was perhaps the biggest acquisition for TNA and he debuted a few months prior teaming with Christian in the first TNA PPV of 2006. Mr. “Big Poppa Pump” Scotty Steiner is two years past his failed WWE run and made his TNA debut shortly before this show and will have his first TNA match at this Lockdown. The Dudley Boyz are fresh off a successful six year run in WWE, and arrived in TNA towards the end of 2015 as the newly branded Team 3D and rocking flannel instead of camo. Finally, TNA acquired the hottest indy star in the summer of 2005 in the form of Samoa Joe and going into this PPV he is the X Division champion and undefeated at nearly a year into his run in the promotion. All these acts will have pretty solid runs in TNA and will have lengthy stays in the promotion. Also, this edition of Lockdown will be the final one for about a decade to not be booked by Vince Russo, and it shows with most of the matches here having solid, traditional rivalries and storytelling, and being surprisingly competent by TNA standards. I am greatly anticipating the nonsensical chaos to come in the future Lockdowns. OK, that primer setting up the 2006 Lockdown went on far too long but TNA/Impact is a…unique…company and a lot can occur in a year for them. On to the show!

TNA does a round robin league/tournament every year or two known as the X-Cup/Super X. It features a few teams consisting of cruiserweights from around the world. It usually lasts several weeks as the teams rack up points for their wins and losses. The opening match was a six man tag that served as a preview for the 2006 X-Cup with Team Japan’s Hirooki Goto, Black Tiger & Minoru defeating Team USA’s Alex Shelley, Sonjay Dutt, & Jay Lethal. Announcers Mike Tenay & Don West highlight that Lethal is at this point TNA’s youngest star on their roster at 23 years old! He has come a long way. The bout is a excellent opener with a good dose of the flips and dives expected from this division with a tremendous sequence of near falls in the final minutes that sees Black Tiger getting the pin on Jay Lethal with his Tiger Suplex. There is a nice flow to this PPV with a quick backstage interview between every match with the wrestlers giving a quick traditional verbal beating of their rival shortly before their match. The former Bubba Ray, now known as Brother Ray gives a super rah-rah-USA promo with a 3D twist to the Pledge of Allegiance before their match later with Team Canada. However next up is Christopher Daniels against a mystery opponent that wound up being his former Triple X partner, the returning Low-Ki, who is now going by Senshi. Some of you may recall Low-Ki/Senshi from his brief 2010 run in WWE as the season two winner of NXT, Kaval. The two obviously know each other well and go move-for-move and counter-for-counter in another excellent highspot match-up where Senshi gets the victory with a reverse-Suplex-leverage pin.

The greatest worst faction in TNA history, Three Live Kru, disbanded since the last Lockdown with Kip James arrival in TNA and joining the group, but Konnan did not trust him and turned on his buddies. He went on to form the Hispanic-gang themed faction LAX with Hernandes & Homicide which I was a big fan of for their lengthy run in TNA. Kip and BG then teamed up as The James Gang and brought along BG’s dad, WWE Hall of Famer, Bullet Bob along for the ride. There is a fun montage highlighting this rivalry where Bullet Bob proves his true grit here by taking on Konnan in an arm wrestling match…in a cage! This looks like it could be a trainwreck going into it, but Konnan and Bullet Bob do a hell of a job with their facials in their tribute to Over the Top and it makes for a dandy little encounter. There is a bonus stipulation where the losing team has to get whipped and BG drags it out with his trash talk between lashings while the crowd chants “boring.” So the post-match hoopla is a wash, but the actual arm wrestling duel was surprisingly fun. Speaking of crowd chants, there are a few ‘This is awesome’ chants I noticed this show. I am not positive but thinking back on it this chant may have originated in TNA. WWE was still pre-PG at this time and most of their crowds then chanted ‘Holy Shit’ or ‘ECW’ for highspots if I recall correctly. Now their crowds regularly chant ‘This is awesome.’ I could be wrong, but maybe TNA/Impact’s long-lasting legacy will be it being the origin of that popular chant. That chant was also predominant in the second annual Xscap match that sees six X-Division stars start off in an elimination match until it is down to two competitors where the bout then becomes an escape-the-cage-to-win match.

This year sees Elix Skipper, Petey Williams, Puma, Chase Stevens, Shark Boy and Chris Sabin in the Xscape match. Highlight of the bout is Stevens going up to the cage for a splash unto his opponents who were waiting to break his fall in a telegraphed spot, but then something happens and it looks like the X-Division stars get cold feet on wanting to take the spot or their timing is off and they whiff catching Stevens who air balls directly onto the mat in the nastiest spot of the night. The announcers try to improvise and cover for the spot by saying the wrestlers smartly moved out of the way and I guess it works, but what is more bizarre is Stevens barely selling the miss and continues to wrestle like he hit the move and is on a roll in the match….’bowling-shoe ugly’ as good ‘ol JR would say. Anywho, the match boils down to Williams and Sabin, and backfired interference from Petey’s manager Coach D’amore leads to Sabin escaping the cage in an entertaining final sequence. Next we have the Lockdown debut of Samoa Joe defends his X-Title as he takes on Sabu. First thought here, is damn does Joe look like a kid here in 2005 compared to how we see him now in 2017. I believe this is also Sabu’s final TNA match for awhile because he went off to WWE for their ECW relaunch for a year. That did not stop Sabu from bouncing around like crazy and being the first combatant to get busted open this night. He tried to stab Joe with his trademark railroad spike, but fails to do so as he falls victim to Joe’s musclebuster and Joe walks out of this still undefeated.

Bubba had a pro-USA promo earlier, but Team Canada manage to top him with their pro-Canada speech as they intentionally bomb singing the opening lines to the Canadian anthem. Bobby Roode and Eric Young have come a long ways since these TNA early years. Bubba Ray, D-Von & Spike Dudley are known in TNA as Brother Ray, Brother D-Von & Brother Runt, respectively. They are taking on Team Canada’s Eric Young, A1 & Bobby Roode in an ‘Anthem Match.’ Hmm….I wonder if this should be the new marquee match type of the company today considering Impact Wrestling’s new parent owner is Anthem Entertainment, who is based out of Canada no less! What is an Anthem Match, you ask? In TNA, it is a Flag Match, but since this is Lockdown the wrestlers have to grab their county’s flag from the top of the cage to claim victory and the losers must then be shamed as they have to listen to their rivals’ national anthem in disgrace! Team 3D has a fairly decent entrance theme knockoff to their killer Powerman 5000 track in WWE. There are a few fun spots in here such as a Bubba-Bomb from the top rope and a terrific false finish where Team 3D’s initial flag grab was not recognized because the ref was knocked out. This will probably be the first and only time where we have a flag match in a cage with a ref bump false finish….only in TNA! What is more amusing is Runt then grabbing the flag for the official victory and the TV crew cutting to the announcers to hype the rest of the card while the crowd chants along to the national anthem in its entirety well after they stop playing the instrumental version on the PA. Tenay & West hilariously fail to talk over them before giving in and recognizing the crowd’s rightful patriotism!

New mother of triplets and the first-ever WWE Diva Search winner, Christy Hemme makes her TNA debut next to deliver an envelope for West & Tenay to announce. A year prior, Dusty Rhodes was the on-screen authority figure of TNA, but since then Larry Zybysko went on to procure the role, but has been up to shady corruptions on the side and Tenay & West announce that the ‘TNA Executive Committee’ is reviewing Zybysko’s actions and working on finding a new replacement. That replacement in the coming weeks was revealed to be none other than Jim Cornette. In that same announcement, TNA reinstates Zybysko’s rival he previously fired, Raven. Zybysko comes out to protest, but Raven promptly comes out and chases him out of the ring. Christian Cage (he had to add the last name to his billing in TNA to avoid legal troubles with WWE, oh yeah he too has a solid knockoff of his WWE theme for his TNA music) defends his NWA World Title next against Abyss. The montage that played before this match highlighting their feud showed Abyss stalking Christian’s wife so Christian is none-too-happy about that and interrupts Abyss’s entrance for a surprise attack and the two brawl outside the ring and into the stands before officially starting the match in the cage several minutes later. Abyss then proceeds to have several minutes of methodical, lulling dominance in the match before a ref bump and Christian liven up the crowd with a believable near fall after a splash from the top of the cage. When that did not work, a sunset flip from the top of the cage into a powerbomb onto thumb-tacks was still not enough to put away Abyss. Abyss’s manager James Mitchell then busts out a second bag of tacks to the announcers’ delight and in vintage Abyss fashion, his attempt to win with them backfires as Christian hits an Unprettier on the tacks for the pin. The first half really dragged, but the surreal near falls and stunts in the second half saved this match. Not all was well for Christian however as Abyss got his revenge by choking out Christian with a chain after the match.

The main event is the second annual Lethal Lockdown, AKA Wargames, headlining this card with Rhino, AJ Styles, Sting and Ron Killings teaming up to face America’s Most Wanted, Jeff Jarrett and Scott Steiner. Just like last year, two guys from each time start off for five minutes before other team members come out in two minute intervals. When all the entrants are in the cage, a roof seals everyone inside and only then are pinfalls and submissions official. AJ Styles and Chris Harris start off for initial five minutes and I forgot how awesome and quick AJ was back in these early TNA years. He can still go and deliver MOTY candidates with ease today, but there is a special flash and spring to his step back then. This match only sees three of its entrants get busted open this year with Harris, AJ & Rhino all doing the honors. Combine that with Sabu & Abyss from earlier in the night and that ups to the total to five wrestlers dawning the crimson mask overall. The roof eventually seals everyone in after Sting enters last, but for whatever reason the roof of the cage is filled with weapons to entice the wrestlers to leave the cage, and within a minute of being sealed in AJ and James Storm slip out to the top of the cage where AJ climbs on top of a ladder that is on top of a cage and splashes James Storm through a table on top of the six sides of steel in one of the more memorable spots of the night. In the ring however Sting recovers from a guitar joust that did not go in his favor against Jeff Jarrett and recuperates in time to reverse a Scorpion Deathlock onto Chris Harris for the tapout win! This was a bonkers main event and considering the gimmick and weaponry involved I got what I wanted out of it with the creative top of the cage spot from AJ and the craziness that unfolded inside the ring whenever new entrants entered the fray. I like how the tradition of the PPV two years in so far sees the X-Division have their marquee Xscape match and the heavyweights get the traditional War Games rules matchup for their gimmick headliner.

There are 14 minutes of bonus features on the DVD. There is photo shoot footage with Christy Hemme and alternative entrance camera shots and alternative match angles from several entrances and several excerpts of matches. Nothing too special, but a decent sprinkling of extras to quickly devour. This was actually a surprisingly good PPV with all the X-Division matches delivering and Christian/Abyss managing to salvage a great World Title bout after its initial stumbling. The ‘entertainment’ bouts that were the Anthem and Arm Wrestling bouts were convenient pallet cleansers that were wisely placed on the card to recharge the crowd and deliver some laughs. Most importantly, the main event delivered and after sleeping on it for a bit, gets my nod as the match of the night. I am getting warm fuzzies reliving this era of Impact Wrestling, but it is all about to get crushed because about a half year later Vince Russo returns to TNA as the primary booker for about a decade and it only goes downhill from there. Join me again here in several months for the 2007 Lockdown PPV, the first to come under the era of Vince Russo. Past Wrestling Blogs Best of WCW Clash of Champions Best of WCW Monday Nitro Volume 2 Best of WCW Monday Nitro Volume 3 Biggest Knuckleheads Bobby The Brain Heenan Daniel Bryan: Just Say Yes Yes Yes DDP: Positively Living Dusty Rhodes WWE Network Specials ECW Unreleased: Vol 1 ECW Unreleased: Vol 2 ECW Unreleased: Vol 3 For All Mankind Goldberg: The Ultimate Collection Its Good to Be the King: The Jerry Lawler Story Ladies and Gentlemen My Name is Paul Heyman Legends of Mid South Wrestling Macho Man: The Randy Savage Story Memphis Heat OMG Vol 2: Top 50 Incidents in WCW History OMG Vol 3: Top 50 Incidents in ECW History Owen: Hart of Gold RoH Supercard of Honor 2010-Present ScoobyDoo Wrestlemania Mystery Sting: Into the Light Straight to the Top: Money in the Bank Anthology Superstar Collection: Zach Ryder TNA Lockdown 2005-2014 Top 50 Superstars of All Time Tough Enough: Million Dollar Season True Giants Ultimate Fan Pack: Roman Reigns Ultimate Warrior: Always Believe War Games: WCWs Most Notorious Matches Warrior Week on WWE Network Wrestlemania 3: Championship Edition Wrestlemania 28-Present The Wrestler (2008) Wrestling Road Diaries Too Wrestling Road Diaries Three: Funny Equals Money Wrestlings Greatest Factions WWE Network Original Specials First Half 2015 WWE Network Original Specials Second Half 2015 WWE Network Original Specials First Half 2016 WWE Network Original Specials Second Half 2016 WWE Network Original Specials First Half 2017